at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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20 "we are each other's safe place" romance prompts:
(feeling emo now that I'm officially back :') feel free to useee and tag me when yall write!!)
holding each other close in silence
yearning for just one hug after being separated for so so long... </3
"i can't seem to take neither my eyes, nor my mind off of you, [name]." :'')
noticing that bright smile of theirs after you compliment them. [my heart. omds]
them rushing into your embrace after a long day
"let me ask my partner." or,
"oh, my partner at home is waiting for me, i better get going :)"
being ur partner's mum's favorite, hehehe
^ "ma... how come they're getting head rubs from you often while i rarely do?"
sulking to get attention from them and they get cuteness aggression over you (> < my cuteness aggress. for mr. japan goes crazy guys!!)
being you comes easy with them ♡
being emotionally available to one another, and having each other and knowing you're not alone <3
when they're affirmative and expect affirmations from you <communication is the best trope>
cuddling and cozying up together, being all physical but not sexual ツ✰
them wrapping their hand around yours whenever walking together
when it's their smile, that's just enough to brighten your day :')
loving and living and actually looking forward to tomorrow with them,
^ "you make me want to be a better person."
"smile for me" or, "twirl for me" :))
searching for each other in a crowded rooms, finding each other everywhere (this is just love guys, top tier.)
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Here's a bit from a fic I'm not sure I'll ever start writing. for context, this is Corroded Coffin's first tour and they brought Steve along (bc Eddie would never even imagine having it any other way)
Jeff and Eddie are walking towards the green room discussing the way their melodies turned out at tonight's show, when Gareth catches up to them, a little winded,
"Hey," he pants, "Freak says he wants to try that tacos place we saw on our way into town, you guys up for it?"
Jeff simply nods and Eddie shrugs, "Sounds good" he answers,
Gareth claps them in the back and says to Eddie "Awesome, I'll go ask your wife",
He goes to skip ahead between them but Eddie grabs him by the scruff of his tshirt and yanks him back, causing his head to slap itself against Eddie's waiting palm.
Jeff snorts but Gareth isn't amused.
"OW dude! What the fuck?!" he demands with wide eyes. Eddie doesn't buy it for a second, launches into the same warning he always gives them,
"I told you! if he hears you saying that he could get really pissed, and then you'll get me into serious trouble!" he still has Gareth by the scruff, so he yanks him again for emphasis,
"Do you want me to be in serious trouble, man?" Gareth shakes his head, Eddie yanks again,
"Do you want me to be in serious trouble because of you?" Gareth frantically shakes his head but holds his palms up as he weasels out of Eddie's hold, half-laughing as he turns to face them and walking backwards as they advance,
"I do NOT say it around him!" Gareth defends, Jeff scoffs beside Eddie and Eddie just narrows his eyes,
"Plus, I told you that he's into you, man!" Gareth continues, Eddie rolls his eyes at that so he can't see the significant look Jeff gives him, agreeing with Gareth.
"This again" Eddie groans, "you're delusional. Just stop calling him that altogether and we'll be good," he insists.
Gareth just sighs "Fine. Can you go ask your very platonic friend, that you share a bed with every night, if he wants tacos? Or should we not even ask his opinion?"
Eddie flicks his ear and Gareth frowns dangerously, meeting the end of his rope.
Jeff says "Okay-" and holds his hands up placatingly, but Eddie doesn't like his chances so he sprints down the hall laughing and Gareth takes off hot in his heels.
Jeff groans as Freak catches up with him,
"Children." Freak states, tutting.
---
When Steve comes back to the green room he finds Eddie and Gareth wrestling on the floor.
"Um-" he starts and Eddie, who had been making Gareth slap himself turns excitedly to him,
"Stevie!! What did you think?" he asks, wanting to get Steve's opinion on tonight's show, and probably very specifically, the melodies he and Jeff had been working on for weeks now.
Steve's lucky that Gareth pulls on his hair and distracts him by slamming him on the floor, otherwise Eddie would have totally noticed him blushing.
He'll never get over Eddie wanting his input, especially when it comes to something as important to him as his music, his band.
"OW!" Eddie shouts as Gareth pulls his hair again, reaching to pull on Gareth's nose.
That brings Steve back. He ceremoniously places his hands on his hips, and calls "Children!",
It startles Eddie into slapping Gareth's arm away particularly hard and Steve hears muttered apologies as the two of them sit up criss-cross side by side.
"He started it!" Eddie accuses, playing along with Steve's babysitter bit, "He said we shouldn't ask your opinion on dinner," Gareth gasps indignantly and tackles him again.
Steve just sighs, used to them buzzing with energy after shows.
He hears Jeff and Freak enter the room and turns to them as if they had been there all along, "Dinner from where?" he asks them,
Freak looks up from the boys wrestling and says "Remember that tacos place we saw on our way in? last Thursday?"
Steve's expression clears with understanding, he nods "Oh yeah! Yeah, that place! Okay. Sounds good." Freak nods and goes to their clothes rack.
"Soon as these two finish," Jeff comments.
Gareth has Eddie in a chokehold now and Eddie is trying to lick his arm while also pulling on Gareth's hair.
"I should record you and put it up on the internet," Steve threatens.
Jeff joins in "It'd humiliate our lead man, but it's a risk I'm willing to take" he claps his approval on Steve's back and goes to the clothes rack as Freak goes to change his outfit.
Eddie taps twice on Gareth's arm to be released and Gareth raises both arms above his head triumphantly.
Eddie points a finger at Steve, then Jeff and says "I'm vetoing that!"
Steve frowns. "I didn't know you had vetoing rights" he teases, tilting his head.
"He doesn't" Jeff and Gareth answer in unison,
"You just said I'm the lead man!" Eddie whines to Jeff,
"I was talking about Gareth" Jeff shrugs.
Gareth puffs out his chest and Eddie shoves him, knocking him on his ass again.
Steve can't help but chuckle at them. Eddie turns to look at him with mirth in his eyes then, extends his arms to be helped up.
Steve pulls him to his feet with his heart in his throat.
"So?" Eddie asks,
"What?" Steve asks quietly,
"What'd you think?" Eddie asks again, quiet too like it's their secret, giving his arm a little impatient tap, reminding him he hadn't answered before.
Steve doesn't remember when he started smiling so big "It was good." he tells him, just as quietly, having created a little bubble for the two of them without meaning to, but not wanting to burst it.
"Yeah?" Eddie asks, the corners of his mouth twitching up,
"Mmhm," Steve confirms, starts fiddling with one of Eddie's many chains, "I think the change you made yesterday was smart, the crowd was definitely wilder tonight" he comments,
"Well, that was Jeff, 'member?"
"Hmmm" Steve hums, letting go of the chain and leaning his elbow on Eddie's shoulder to turn to Jeff,
"Well that was a very smart change Jeff!" he calls loudly, enjoying Eddie's flinch. He has to clear his throat because his voice comes out raspy for some reason.
----
Jeff frowns, confused.
"The new arrengement from yesterday," Eddie clarifies, eyes on Steve. Jeff ignores him, but takes the clarification all the same,
"Oh! thanks! Man, did you see the crowd tonight?" Jeff marvels,
Steve says "That's what I was just telling Eddie!" and they launch into specifics that Eddie misses.
He's thinking he usually doesn't like being teased but his cheeks are burning and he can't feel anything other than a pleasant warmth right now, Steve Harrington broke him.
He shakes his head and comes back to reality just in time to see Steve turn to him and say, "You did great tonight, Eds. You were super comfortable using the space on stage tonight, people loved it,"
Eddie doesn't say he was only comfortable because he had a clear view of Steve in the crowd.
"Thank you Stevie" he tells him instead. Steve smiles brightly at him. It makes Eddie want to rub his face on Steve's shoulder.
He pinches Steve's waist instead, gets all up in his space, still buzzing with energy from running around on stage.
"Help me pick something out for tacos?" he requests, hopeful. He loves the idea of Steve thinking about what would look best on him.
"Yeah," Steve agrees, grabbing the hand that pinched him and leading Eddie to the rack.
Gareth rolls his eyes at Eddie as they walk past him and Eddie flips him the bird.
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things me and my bestfriends have said to each other that would make a list of heartbreaking prompts:
(found family trope but irl haha, feel free to use <3 tag me when yall writee, 1,9,11,13,24 has a spcl place in my heart)
"i don't feel seen at times." "it's not true. i see you, [name], i always have."
"thank you for listening to me, thank you for being here for me."
"i love the family we've found for ourselves :( "
"i want to hug you.."
"you, you can always come to me when you're happy and when you're sad."
"you make me become the best of me." <333
"i can never forget when you did ___, God i almost fell in love with you then."
"no, i don't want to rant-" "no, no, hey, it's okay. rant. I'm here to listen."
"whenever i ask you, you say I'm ok, but whenever you ask me i bare my heart open to you. i just want you to tell me if you're having a hard time so i can lend you a shoulder in silence!"
"just--just come with me, please ! I'll take care of you, please leave that hell hole you call home !"
"it hurts, [name]." in a weak murmur and they just rest their face on your shoulder, leaning on one another as they whisper, "it's okay to hurt. cry if u have to."
"should we just run away from home and live together?"
"you are a good person, [nickname]." ✯
"rant, love, go ahead."
"i was very proud of you. i still am."
"you're the positive blueprint/sunshine to my fucked up life, [name]" (ok but they said this to me while we were both in our LOWEST)
"we were enemies before weren't we?" "yeah, haha, if you were a boy we'd have become lovers!!"
^ "[nickname], are you GAY?? YOU ARE GAY- OMG" "stop it lmao" (all in texts lol)
"i wonder what good i did to deserve you " </3
"how lovely of you :)" "ilysm" "shut up, dude, you're so adorable."
"you are devastatingly beautiful, [name]."
"i can never forget what you looked like at your happiest... you glowed. " :((
"hugs, please :/"
"I'd love to nom nom you TT" (we were acting cute and actually melting)
"we'll become the parents we never had."
"we are walking through this life together, aren't we? let's do so till we are together in the paradise, too."
"you mean a lot to me."
"together, in this world and in the here-after too."
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