#am i worthy of my own love

[citrusmaxxer]

chat am i worthy of my beliefs

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

I love the original Cars 2006 game so much. The one that got released on like GameCube and Xbox. I mean, I love all the Cars games(Cars 3 Switch game they did you dirty), but that's an entire story for another time giving my individual appriciation for all of them later. What I'm going to say here applies pretty well to the other games that are centered around the first movie as well like Race-O-Rama and Maternationals, but I'm specifcally rewatching the original one's cutscenes again because I don't want to restart my data every time I wanna go through the cutscenes again(even though I enjoy playing it so, so much), and I just love the atmosphere in it so much. Some of my favorite movie scenes are the ones where they don't have any music playing because I love to close my eyes and turn up the volume and just.. pretend I am right there with the characters and right next to them and stuff or that they're talking to me or such, and that is extra immersible when there isn't an entire orchestra going on(not that I am knocking at having music at all, I regularly go back and listen to the soundtracks from movies if they have them posted).

And the game doesn't really have any music at all during any of the cutscenes and the whole thing is like super..soft to me? Not soft as in like fluffy pillows and pink aesthetic soft, but soft as in like it's getting late out and so you're trying to be kinda hushed with your voice and there's not really anywhere you have to be so you slow down your pace and kick a couple of pinecones or rocks. If that makes any sense at all. Cause normally movies or shows(whether the whole series or each individual episode) have a certain plot or arc that is happening that everyone is focused on and consumes the whole thing, give or take a few moments. And while this game does have a particular thing so it can have a start and end to the story of the game, everything is framed in like a "Yeah, this is what they get up to in their freetime." And I don't know if you know but I love my slice of life stuff so sooooooo so so infinitely much. So getting to get that sort of content is really fun and perfect for me. It's like you're just actively hanging around them and getting caught up in whatever typical nonsense they end up in(assuming we are ignoring the whole monster truck bit), and the "OH THINGS ARE. HITITNG THE FAN." Or bigger development moments are saved for like the movies or something or whatever comes up in my head.

I'm not really entirely headed anywhere with this, I just wanted to put out some appriciation for the game and how nice the atmosphere is. I think it's also cause I really love getting to just sit and here them talk and there is a lot of casual conversation that happens and just plain dialog. Like it's not even filler dialog it's just talking and chatting. And I spend a stupid silly amount of time listening to voiceline compilations on YouTube so this is just the bees knees for me.

Thank you for the read though, may I offer you with a clip because APPERENRLY there's a limit to one clip per post that I am just now finding out about. I think I've already talked about the Litnig one anyway. Maybe I'll post it again later.

I uuuuguguhhh also perfectly reached the tag limit. If anyone needs anything to do in their freetime while bored or as a filler may I suggest reading this post and it's tags, you will be occupied for a while IFNFJCJFNS. I was half joking about reaching the tag limit as well. Well, we all saw it coming, it was going to have to happen one day. And go figure after a long absence that I was going to have it in me to do some running of my mouth...

I do want to say I am probably back now yall! Knock on wood- but I think the reign of my absence is over! Which I am especially hoping so for several reasons but also because I am so SO not done milking F/Ovember to its full extent. I spent too many months looking forward to that to not invest and rot my blog with it.

[licorishh]

"The Bible is so sexist blah blah blah" okay. When it talks about how you can avoid doing stupid things in Proverbs it uses a man in its examples and personifies wisdom as a woman though which I think is pretty funny

[triglycercule]

alright!!!! kitchen CLEANED ‼️ carry on PACKED ‼️ now i just need to do my homework and then maybe take a really really really quick (4 hour long) nap before dinner/online class. then i will grind on the silly silly why did i decide to do this animation meme/animatic until 3 am hits and i've gotta hit the port. the AIRport :3

in exchange for my incredible unprecedented productiveness i made this little doodle just now. i'm actually a liar i did this in school but still

[snowangeldotmp3]

the worst part about film bro discourse is that the godfather is actually a good movie. but those shitheads RUINED any serious discussion about it

[ahollowgrave]

There was a post asking RPers with moon-worshipping characters how they handle the moon's revelation, especially with Endwalker. But! I am too shy to reblog that with my actual answers so instead I will post this two page rambling under a cut. (:

Okay, so I look at it through two lenses: 1) How much does your average citizen know about the big wide star and everything our beloved Warrior of Light gets up to in saving it all the time?

There are things in the real world I don’t know and things I am shocked to find out other people don’t know!

The history of the Star is vast and dense and no one can possibly know every crumb of it. 

2) Faith requires a sort of peace in knowing you don’t and won’t know certain things. If you have all the answers to all your questions, you don’t need faith.

The asking of questions is vital, here. If you are not curious about the world around you how can you possibly come to love it and those it shelters? If you believe for a second that you have all the answers to all the questions then your curiosity dies. 

That said with Odette and her convent it really boils down to:  They don’t know!

Odette is young, she may not have been alive during Dalamud’s fall and Bahamut’s defeat. I’m not really sure because time bubbles and I’m very vague with her age because time is my mortal enemy. When the moon started its fall the convent probably took it to mean: gods mad. Who wouldn’t? Even the faithless might pray under such a thing, no?  But the convent is secluded and news is slow to reach them and what does reach them is often embellished or outdated or just untrue. They must pick through the stories they are told and find the truth of the matter - which is subjective, as well! What is true for one might not be true for another. 

It is a bit of a chore, is what I am trying to say, and unreliable narrators are aplenty.

Currently, the Convent believes that earlier scripture naming Dalamud as Menphina’s Loyal Hound were written by Spoken who were trying to make sense of the world around them. They got it wrong, but no doubt there are things we get wrong even now with all our knowledge. 

The point of their faith is not to get things 100% right all the time but rather to meet the star and her denizens with hearts full of love. They don’t allow dogs at the convent, however.

The news out of EW is another matter since it still feels very fresh and new. Odette has stepped into the role of Nun Errant and she does relay information back to her Convent, either in person or via letter. I don’t know if the news of the WoL fighting the 12 made papers and so far it seems that most of the Loporrits that stayed star-side are in Old Sharlayan to learn! A big ship did go beyond the moon but that was… beyond the moon! So, like the nuns, I don’t know! They are but Spoken creatures, they question, yes, but it is difficult for them to see the grand picture being as small as they are.  It should be noted that Odette is not the warrior of light. I try very hard for her to not know everything the warrior of light gets up to in the MSQ because she, realistically, would not know. She’s just some nun! What I CAN say is that if Odette knew everything that I, the player, know she would still worship the Moon and Menphina. Imprisoning Zodiark before more needless death, setting the Loporrits to building a fallback and escape plan, reincarnating her closest and most trusted allies to serve as deities and make sure he cannot be freed? That’s love, baby. Of course, Menphina, the deity of Love, would be the keeper of the moon and its secrets! Also, almost none of this answered the secondary questions but… This is already very long but I could go on about the dark side of the moon, what it means to love, and all that but I’ll end it with this: It is okay for your characters to be wrong and make mistakes, IC! Let them have harmlessly bad and factually untrue opinions. 

BONUS: I recall a question about how a manmade moon might effect a god or goddess who is tied to it! But -- prayer and belief is were deities get their powers.

Well, the 12 as we know them are kind of ‘manmade’ themselves. Yes, Venat sort of reincarnated her most trusted allies, however… It was shown that prayers have the power to change them! We know that this altered Halone in some ways and I believe that it altered Menphina the same. Basically: Enough of her worshippers thought Dalamud was her ‘loyal hound’ and so she got a loyal hound. So, why should the moon(s) be any different?

[wild-at-mind]

Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.

[ljesaw]

i like writing young fire lord zuko because he's still grappling with his identity and he's still in the trenches of his trauma and unlearning the harm done to him and the harm he's done. and something i think is so important for someone who is going through that is that it's not just BAM he's redeemed and he's changing everything for the better and it's perfect. i think it's just as important to highlight zuko's conflict with trying not to Be Like Ozai as it is for people to be wary of zuko because He Is Zuko. like i think he's struggling both with taking up his father's horrible mantle but also with the name he's created for himself. because not only is it "zuko is a victim and he's trying to heal" but it's also "zuko was horrible and he has to reconcile that side of himself with who he wants to be going forward" and that's not easy

[sysig]

idontwannabeyouanymore (Patreon)

[luvsavos]

random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently

[sparklecryptid]

FUCK. I've just found myself trying to set broken!ice!Luche to Hadestown. It's - not really fitting together, but *fuck* if it isn't a lovely contrast+compare between the two themes/settings/images.

Hamelin you can’t do this to me.

Because! It won’t fit! Neither Luche or Tredd are similar enough to the main pairings! I will concede that Luche would make a very pretty Hades (now that thought isn’t leaving my mind AAHHHH) but it doesn’t-

Exactly-

Fit.

But.

BUT THE CONTRASTS.

THE COMPARISONS.

IM GOING NUTS.

(Why did you look back? You almost had her.

I loved her. I still love her. How could I not?

If it would have kept her alive-

I had to make sure she was there. I had to look. I had too. Wouldn’t you?

No. If it was to keep him safe. Even if not with me. If it was to ensure he would live. I would not look. I don’t have that right.

Love isn’t a right. It’s a necessity.)

[dogearedheart]

8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

[triglycercule]

top 10 workouts for every murder time trio fan out there: dancing while singing each of xxtha's mtt songs (AUDGAHHHHHH IVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY FOR MY WHOLE LIFE)

[readymades2002]

oh. MY god i hate my job

[jkwearebothgay]

This is me taking control for the first time ever. I can create my happiness and my life changing. Tonight I learned about avoidance and numbing and all the surrounding things that attributed towards those behaviors that come from ptsd. I have been holding myself back from experiencing a better quality of life my trauma created avoidance which in turn created numbness. By shoving down all my avoidances for so long all I did was supercharge them creating the numbness. I am also surprised to learn this is also attributed towards me having no friends. My ptsd and trauma created this avoidance and numbness which told my brain that it was better to not create connections and to not reach out in order to avoid being hurt again. This is a behavior I can change, there is recovery and methods that I can practice and utilize, and holy crap when I tell you this is something I’ve been waiting for for so long… when I put up walls to protect myself from all the bad things I didn’t want to get in.. I also stopped all the great things from coming in. The walls are down and I’m ready to start my life looking forward NOT looking back.

Positive affirmations for tonight:

I am taking care of myself

I put on clothes today that made me feel good

I am creating a better life for myself by no longer living in the past and self sabotaging my future.

I am a great lover

I am a great person

I am open to new things and do not have fear or anxiety towards them

I KNOW I can do this

I AM doing this

I am PROUD of myself

I love who I am becoming

[hungerpunch]

ehimeora:

I don’t want friendships where I’m always the mother, the nurturer, the healer, the teacher, the processor. I deserve to be held too.

I forgive myself for positioning myself in these roles. I forgive myself for believing that constantly holding space for others at the expense of myself would make them see how worthy I am of love.

My therapist once told me, “You are used to seeking out those who need support. So when you find someone who’s actually like you, it may be hard to recognize them.” And I think about it a lot. I am no longer contributing to my own emptiness.

I pray I find the friendships that are reciprocal attractive. I pray I take the initiative in responding back to their messages and connecting with them. I pray that I will no longer ignore people who are like me.