#am i being intrusive
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grrr having mixed feelings on my blog being 18+ now cuz. my blog is for Everything and isn't inherently nsfw I just need to tag things more responsibility. also not everyone puts their age in their bio so it's a bit confuzzling
#razzle dazzle#im also in a few communities about media for younger people (osc msm minecraft etc)#and id love to rb art by artists under 18 its just. Yea#am i being intrusive#i don't like saying minors ngl it makes me sound like a lawyer or smth#but yea i might just use my minors dni tag more broadly jic#but what do u all think
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ā And do you or do you not have difficulty remembering such simple instructions? ā Only during thunderstorms, sir.
THE SOUND OF MUSIC (1965) / DARK SHADOWS (1966)
#don't mind me just absolutely insane about the possibility (probability!) that vicki saw tsom the year before coming to collinwood.#the boom mic in the stairs shot is always cracking me up.#finally me and you and you and me just us and your friend steve (the boom mic operator)#ā¤ roger collins & victoria winters. ā pain sometimes precedes pleasureļ¼miss winters.#gifs.#ā¤ edits & art. ā the evans cottage art gallery.#ā¤ roger collins. ā I and my ghosts want a drink.#ā¤ victoria winters. ā because sheās lost and lonely. because she looks in shadows.#there's obviously far; far less of a christian overtone in ds ā but i wonder if you couldn't make the argument that it isn't also#on some level about belief?#belief; namely; in the ghosts that roger resists and vicki with both arms embraces;#faith in the not-so-minor deity liz stoddard; choosing to follow her doctrine even in the face of conflicting truth.#one might consider collinsport a faithful congregation taking sermons from the mount ā from the mouth of the reclusive ascetic;#conveyed by loyal (devastatingly; sacrificially loyal) disciples.#and vicki; searching for belonging; for a home; for a family; falls very lamb-like into the flock.#all old gods of course demand their sacrifices in blood: burke; namely; but also matthew; bill; roger (so-attempted)#if i were pushing it (which I always am) you could go so far as to say collinwood's son rises from the tomb.#''but the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night'' etc etc. demanding; first; sacrificial livestock; then virgin blood.#anyway! I digress.#''they say confession is good for the soul. well; my soul needs purifying.''#vicki as the prototypical virgin ā the clean slate without history; clear water with neither dirt nor blood ā#in which roger cleanses himself (somewhat forcefully!); to wash away guilt and suspicion;#the force of virtue that prevents the intrusion of sin; either through the wood of the confessional or very literally at her bedroom door.#''an innate sense of goodness'' etc; besides being something of a conduit between this world and the next:#re. the seances; the appearances of josette and bill; the various and varied encounters with supernatural; the time travel;#as one might expect of an angel ... or a saint. and one could argue that she goes on to restore roger's faith ā#if not in the goodness of the world at large; then the existence of goodness; or in the worth of belief itself.#anyway. long way of saying i love man x his governess whether it's catholic or satanic. sign me up.
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I can't believe people give advice that's basically "be less stressed". How can I explain to you that I've been scared of walking down the stairs since I learned to walk and I get an intrusive thought every time I cross a road. And then I have a lot more, actually real and important stuff to be anxious about!!
#like 90% of my intrusive thoughts are about me being harmed instead of the other way around#which i guess can be better than the alternative cause i question my morality less and stuff#like i went through the harmful yo others intrusive thoughts most of my childhood and it's kind of switched at some point#but now i am. unimaginably stressed by. everything#like sometimes i feel like im actually going crazy because how many times can you#live out your own death or have thoughts of great harm being donw to you. its just an insane feeling#whatever i was just thinking about a talk i had with one doctor#who asked me if i have a lot of stress in my life and when i said yes#she said āwell you should become less stressedā#thanks girlie#ok sorry for using this post to vent about my intrusive thoughts but they suck ass and i can#never talk to anyone about them#god if i ever said more than a sentence about them I would feel so crazy
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read the nicest goddamn fic and itās part of a SERIES and thereās only 3 PARTS AND IT HASNāT BEEN TOUCHED SINCE 2020
this is what i get for being 5ā2ft
#god it was so good i was genuinely invested#its not everyday i read fics#i genuinely dislike it actually#i will never read a fic of a fandom i actively draw/write for#the only exception being trod because that got me into the fandom#anyways so i was reading this fic because it soothes my intrusive thoughts#replaces them with ocs doing these silly things#got hit with PLOT and awesome fucking characterization#IT WAS COMPLETED#ALL CHAPTERS FINISHED#BUT THEN IT SAID END OF PART 3#AND THAT WAS IT#IT WAS A FUCKING CLIFFHANGER#WHAT DO I DO#WHERE DO I GO#WHO AM I
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how the intrusive thoughts, fear of abandonment, and rejection sensitive dysphoria combo be hitting
#itās fine! im fine!#(i am š¤ close to crying and losing my mind entirely)#do you ever just be incredibly triggered by smth someone else does#and you KNOW itās your fault and itās just your childhood trauma and stuff being triggered#but knowing that doesnāt At All help you feel better#silas speaks#rejection sensitive dysphoria#adhd tag#audhd tag#intrusive thoughts#abandoment issues#ptsd#childhood trauma#neurodivergence#neurodivergent#actually neurodivergent#actually adhd#actually autistic#neurodiversity#actually rsd#adhd rsd#rsd
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Well since I know it broke you, what about something involving Della (OG design) inspired by Never Love an Anchor for an art request?
Do you ever think of me and my two hands, and wonder why they never soothed your fevers? And wonder why They never tied your shoes? And wonder why They never held you gently? And wonder why They never had the chance to lose you?
-Never Love an Anchor, The Crane Wives
(rude.)
#I am owed emotional damages by tumblr user korkorali#della duck#ducktales#ducktales 2017#dt17#literally forever plagued by the idea of della being forever plagued by ONE intrusive thought right before she left#and fearing that her one moment of fear of commitment was the real reason she took the spear#when in actuality it was one last joyrun#but that one speck of doubt will literally always be there#ugh
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There have to be hard drugs in Jason Schmidtās songs bc theyāre so addicting and so good
#prompted by intrusive thoughts#bc I am physically incapable of listening to that song just once#and Iām gonna need him to release gold man bc TikTok being banned means I canāt go back and rewatch that TikTok 5 times a day#jason schmidt
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I am so genuinely sorry about my breakdown post last night, it is very unbecoming and selfish of me that I continue to vocalize these breakdowns and thought here, you people do not need to worry about my odd mental state. I will restate the only thing in that post that is more relevant, my eyesight is starting to become blurry and spotty due to my extremely high stress and anxiety, which is only creating more in turn. I fear that I might be slowly driven to madness from my neglect and isolation, so I deeply apologize if I act or say anything out of line, I am genuinely trying, I am so sorry.
#I keep having intrusive thoughts that I am accidentally being manipulative in having these breakdowns#please let me know if it is coming off that way because I will try even harder to keep it to myself then. I fear that so much#posting art now and going back to being happy yay don't worry
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its crazy to think i was having a good day yesterday and one comment managed to ruin it and it'll drag on for days u-u
#on another note can i rant abt something#feel free to ignore it its probably a stupid concern#but the anon ask rlly rubbed me the wrong way like what point are they trying to make#my friend suggested that it might me because of character interaction that fuel the anon to send that ask#and yea that really might be it the more i think abt it#im not rlly a cc x cc shipper but it does generally cause me a lot of distress when it comes to my comfort character#(this includes platonic ones too believe it or not only oc or self insert x cc with my plat fav so i encouraged it)#and my intrusive thoughts are really bad#the moment anything that proves to cause me an immense emotional distress my brain will latch on to it for days#which often lead to nightmares and overthinking and such#so yea the cc x cc ship itself has been causing me a lot of pain#and its just all so pathetic cause i feel like its not something that i should be uoset over but here i am just crying my eyes iut at#something so small and avoidable#my form of self harm is way too affective especially since i suffered from bipolar and being generally really emotional#u-u#this is all so stupid#.tbd#tw self harm#just in case if mental self harm counts#.vent
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Crazy how most of my intrusive thoughts come from the want to be wanted
#or the want to be interacted with/the want to draw a reaction from a crowd#the want to be observed#i don't get many intrusive thoughts. at least not ones that stick#ones ive had were being like ādrop off the face of the earth so they can miss youā immediately conflicted by ābut ill miss them tooā#physical intrusive thoughts are the opposite. i dont want to do something very very badly#yk when you're holding a pencil and it goes flying bc you held it wrong? i fear doing that with my phone into a lake#<- standing on the other side of the road#anyways I don't know if I am normal (my brain activity is quite mellow. i have no memories. but im still pretty smart)#thinking about how everyone wants to label themselves to fit into a group and how it has correlation to playing the victim#anyway im going to go bathe
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(watched visualive again voice) they should be friends
#persona 4#p4#ā½ļøš«#moel gas station attendant#tohru adachi#gsa sl au#arttag#boot.tingting#// shoiuld i tag souji idk it feels intrusive <- LOL#// throwing in art here thats technically a year old because i redrew it. i dont know. remember when i was more shameless about them#// ahh let's go back to the days where i would just be watching vl for the 300th time and not the 1000th and id be making#// love letters about it and essays nitpicking all about it than. whatever's happening now#// referring to my pre october 2020 era as WHEN I STILL HAD FAITH#// wish i could talk to that me as the me i am now we would have so much fun and they wouldnt experience the horrors as badly#// sorry for being sentimental lmao i hope you guys are doing well šŖšŖšŖ
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there's a part of my brain that really wonders how simon snow would feel if he knew how many people just unironically celebrated his birthday, on a meta level. not because it's like a chosen-one national holiday and he's the protagonist, but because they love him as a person and want to see him succeed, prophecy be damned.
#frequently daydreaming about 'fictional character finds out how much they are Loved'#as someone with a lot of paranoid intrusive thoughts about 'what if i'm being observed by a third party what if i am a book being read' lik#I CANNOT HELP BUT TEAR UP A LITTLE simon buddy do you know that you are our Favorite and it's not because the audience sees you as a messia
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how did my professor recommend me The Color of Outer Space
and I found the whole ass wrong book
its about a farm??? I was reading space travel what did I do
#makes more sense why prof was like yah know i hate the author but damn its a good spook#oh hp lovecraft#ill piss on your grave but also#i can like#relate to being terrified of the world but he handled it in the worst god damn way possible#the evil is not only in what you dont understand its in you to!! much better sorce of stories#my goal in life is to honestly do his shit better#which is setting myself up for failure#but like#cosmic horror is in us#its the fact we can do terrible things but other people Do Terrible tihngs and trying to understand Why is a worse abyss than any darkness#because no matter Why they are doing something Now#understanding can Possibly help the future pervent things#or just cause another horror#this is not well thought thoughts but a man annoyed his hands hurt and he cant draw#aaaa#also if you read this far#any movie recs?? i want spook but not home intrusion unless its like- cartoony?? does that make sense?? or like Really Dramatic not possibl#not like Hush#is that the name?? she can't talk... or she can't hear??fuck i watched it awhile ago#i liked it alot but i also am jumpy enough so dont need help with That rn#i havent seen most#maybe i should just watch carrie
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Hell is other people('s youtube without adblockers installed)
#everytime i am compelled to watch other ppls youtube i am immediately incenced at being subjected#to the most intrusive ads known to man#tbh this applies to the whole internet without ad blockers actually#also all praise the newpipe team saving my yt experience
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I think my least favorite thing about having depression is that when Iām depressed it can never be āa little depressedā like I have to be going over the deep end or completely fine
#I am fine because I know Iāll be fine Iām a get day hopefully#but sometimes I wanna claw my skin off my body#it does genuinely confuse me because like#how can I can go from happy to being completely consumed by depression and intrusive thoughts in like two days#I have no clue whatās up with me#I can never be regular depressed it always have to be like this#things will be okay#life will go on#I will smile again and feel it#i literally did a few days ago#Iām not worried bout how I feel#just the anxiety stuff#I feel like I should be but Iām gonna see how long it lasts before my make tgat judgement#Iāve been emotion posting on tumblr do much recently whatās my deal#oh well#anyway I dunno why Iām feeling like this thereās no trigger I donāt think#just feels like a cloud over my head with a very very bad storm#but Iāll wake up soon enough and there will be flowers and Iāll smell them and be happy#just have to be patient even if knowing that doesnāt do anything
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fictionkin hellscape: your qpp, bless his heart, gets you to play the funny timeloop game
you relate to the protagonist
you relate. to the protagonist.
the protagonist thinks a lot like you!
you...you think a lot. like the protag...
the title theme is evocative :D
the...the TITLE THEME IS EVOKING MEMORIES YOU DONT. REMEMBER.
your qpp keeps joking you're a lot like the protag! you think you'd like to look like the protag! gender!
...everything you do loops back around to you and the protag being nigh identical in terms of personality.
A MAJOR EVENT HAPPENS AND YOUR GUT LURCHES WITH PERSONAL RECOLLECTION
YOU ARE BEGINNING TO REALIZE THIS IS MORE THAN A PASSING SIMILARITY.
#niko talks#chat i think i might be siffrin isat#this is terrible (lightheartedly) for a multitude of reasons#not the least of which are the ramifications of being forced into uh#confronting the worst of my intrusive slash anxious thoughts slash internal monologue#but in the form of a little guy#who i both am and am not so i feel empathy#and also personally attacked#kin chitchat#fictionkin
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