#am I autistic? maybe

[ekosethos]

Genuinely how do you tell what human intentions are? How do people just know what someone means when they say something different?

It’s so exhausting. I wish I could just exist without all this complication. Instead I’m trapped in this maze of invisible rules that no one seems to want to be honest about

[sistersorrow]

"This is very neurotypical behaviour," I tell myself as I sit there, waiting for my pizza to be made, and it is the longest, most painful 10 minutes of that year because I forgot my earphones and the world insists on Making Noises

[beebfreeb]

To all my long-term followers: You have to look through all of my art and deduct exactly what's wrong with me. I know you can do it by now.

[ruby1178whynot]

Could not be more accurate.

Life: here’s something stressful

Me: I know exactly what will fix this

[xitsensunmoon]

My first ever comic con! And first cosplay too. Of course it's gonna be my boy :] Ramblings about the process are under the cut(Let me know if?? You would want me to elaborate with process images for any of the steps?)

The costume took me forever to make, as I've never done any machine sewing, sculpting, fabric dying or spray painting before but learning all of these was so fucking fun!! I never realised just how many different skills go into making a cosplay but it was so worth it!!!

Almost all of the clothes(except the hat) were purchased first as bases, but all of the detailing was added by me. All of the fabric used was originally just scraps that I was given for free so I needed to learn how to dye and dye all of the stars, they were originally white.

The sewing machine was its own beast that brought me tons of frustration from the lack of skill and knowledge (it was devastating to find out that 95% of fuck ups were my fault and not the machine's lmao). But as a result, a hat sewn from scratch, all of the fur trims, embroidery on the corset, stars and the collar(which is very hard to see on the pictures unfortunately) was all added manually. The stars and the stripes(on the back of the cape) were attached using heat-and-bond adhesive (I WISH I knew about such thing just when I started working on this. It would save me so much time and nerves.)

Then I found out about polymorph(mouldable plastic) and it has become the next thing I wanted to learn, to sculpt the claws and the fangs(yes, they're handmade jfksjs). The claws I then primed and painted in trillion coats because I wasn't satisfied with the colour of the spray paint. The fangs I moulded to my own teeth and then stained with tea to match the colour of my teeth :)c

As for makeup, I used Mehron Paradise water activated paints. At first I wanted to try to save money and bought myself Snazaroo instead, which unfortunately turned out to be a waste. Snazaroo didn't hold on my face for longer than 2 hours, cracking and peeling awfully. Mehron on the other hand survived 11 hours of me smiling, talking, emoting and such and didn't even crease at the smile lines(I'm actually shocked about that). It obviously works like any other makeup which means your skin texture and wrinkles won't go anywhere but Mehron's elasticity pleasantly surprised me. It did obviously smear from sweat and saliva(if you're eating and licking your lips) but if you don't touch the skin it just dries again, self setting. But if it's dry it's fully smear-proof. Highly recommend!

And last but not least, I've decided against painting my hands as it was very risky that I will stain everything I touch at the smallest hint of sweat. So instead I got myself gloves-tights(? Not sure how they're called but it's made from the same fabric as tights) and painted them with normal acrylic paint(did you know you could dye fabric with acrylic paint? I personally didn't), then heat set with an iron and voilà, they're reusable, my hands are not stained after an exhausting day and I don't stain everything I touch. It worked wonderfully which honestly was a surprise as I was really sceptical that acrylic paint will somehow stay in place.

I think this whole thing took me minimum of 6 months with big-big breaks for my school and life in general. But I'm really proud! This project taught me so many new skills and I couldn't have been happier about learning new knowledge, even if it sucked to fail in the meantime.

Everyone at the con was really nice and gave me a large confidence boost even tho it was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. Taking photos with other people was really awkward/new for me as I hate cameras so I really had no idea how to pose/behave in front of one. But that's okay I think. This whole experience definitely made me want to do this again, so I think that will come with experience. Thank you for reading this far, hope you enjoyed this little summary :)

[skrunksthatwunk]

non-comprehensive haruhi autism creature comp

i mean just look at him she's literally

[miki-lei]

Sometimes i wonder if im asexual or is it just my autism.

[s-exy-sapphillean]

Just looked up the word "frown" because i wasn't sure about spelling for a moment and-

WHAT DO YOU MEAN FROWNING IS WHAT YOUR BROWS DO NOT WHAT YOUR MOUTH DOES???

why is this:

called a frown if it doesn't even have eyebrows

Bruh this is why my autistic ass struggles so much with facial expressions, wtf do u mean it's eyebrows that show frowning

I practically never emote with my eyebrows unless i'm doing something deliberately like raising them or scrunching my nose, how was i supposed to know other people do that and what it means

[wylanslcve]

When will we start acknowledging that Wylan suggesting to wake the unconscious guards up before killing them isn't actually ruthlessness but blunt logic because he's taken Jesper's "I'm not big on killing unconscious men" at face value and responds accordingly since he has a very literal thinking pattern? When will we start acknowledging that this is autism?

[silasoctakiseron]

This is always the funniest counterargument to me to people who are like "Silas wasn't TRYING to be RUDE to people he's just AUTISTIC". Like here he is on the page responding to someone saying "No, I got what you were saying, jackass, the other thing" by blithely continuing to list insane insults from the year 1604 because he had some more on backstock and wasn't finished yet.

[lafamilledelioncourt]

them: he manipulated them, killed their daughter, and fucked their heads. he's the villain! he's a sick twisted villain!

me: the 500+ year old vampire? with severe trauma? and zero support for his very obvious neurodivergence? the child sex slave? the dogmatically groomed prized possession? the cult victim? the 'has to figure out how to please people and blend in to survive and avoid further abuse' character? the 'regimented and desperate for order and sense of purpose so yeah he tries to do the job he is forced into to the letter' coven leader? the 'frequently abandoned, misused, and neglected so clearly he's developed frantic control issues to not lose his only sense of stability and comfort' one?

next day edit: hold on, i'm not done. i'm sitting here at lunch the next day and i really can not shake that some people do not get the point.

it's not that i'm gonna excuse villainous behavior. the tiny gremlin did all that shit, and his ass is gonna go in time out, but TO ME, the whole fucking point of the show is that no one is really the villain.

that's because they are ALL FUCKING AWFUL. all differently bad, all differently broken. the closest thing to a saint we got is madeline, so sure go off calling her the only good one im in agreement, but they are ALL A GODDAMN NIGHTMARE.

the beauty of this entire series, particularly the books for me but i do love the show, is that the nuance and wiggle room between monstrosities and man is the poetry of the story. it is beautiful that these creatures have this tiny gasps of heart and happiness and hope despite who and what they are.

i can scream into the void all week about armand and claudia and daniel bc those are the characters i most identify with bc of my own personal trauma. HOWEVER, that does not take away my ability to see that EVERYONE needs therapy.

put their asses on a vampiric SSRI, tell them to all fuck eachother and get the orgy over with, and then have an honest to god conversation about their feelings.

DAMN.

okay anyway, going back to work.

[credensjustitiam]

i edited termina sprites as doa out of boredom, sorry no serious art for now as i am a little busy

[harpygon]

I feel like dbd made title cards really work for them. Often times they are just annoying/jarring and hurt the flow, but I think they really aided the story here.

They felt almost like the headers/headlines for a case-file (especially with the „case closed“ each episode), that structured everything nicely.

[beetlekermit-art]

autism creature five

[terranceholdsapencil]

"Youre a leftist?"

"Yes!"

"So you understand why the police as an institution are inherently bad?"

"Yes! All cops are bastards."

"ALL cops are bastards?"

"All cops are bastards"

"And you wont fall for copaganda?"

"I will keep away from it and not fall for it, yes sir!"

"Whats this then?"

"Dont bring the boys into this"

[rabdoidal]

idk how to express it but like. my mum asked me earlier "do you have initiative? you need to learn how to do things without people telling you" and idk how to tell her like. 1. i am autistic and a HUGE part of that is not having motivation or initiative in the traditional sense because its harder to read what people want from you, 2. i also have executive dysfunction with my depression, and 3. she is the reason why i have a lack of motivation! because my whole life when i Try to do things to help out, i either get confused or i do it wrong, and shes not patient with me and also doesnt explain things to me - and the worst part is 4. i dont know how to explain stuff to her without it feeling like an excuse, because when i speak plainly, she thinks im dodging blame, when im actually just trying to communicate my default settings and how im working on overcoming them because i live in a neurotypical society. when i dont contribute or help out because im scared of messing up, i am ridiculed and shamed, and when i do contribute, im not allowed to ask clarifying questions or ask for support, because then i am an idiot. and y'know what? its annoying to be told i have no motivation when right now is the time where i have the most self-driven motivation ive ever had