#am I a lifestyle influencer now

[checanty]

The other week both my ancient (10 years!) winter coat and my beloved creepy tote bag (7 years) decided it was a good time to break. I have to admit I have been toying with the idea of getting a new coat already, especially as it’s growing pretty threadbare in general, but I also feel very strongly about making the things I already own last and let’s face it: I can get another 3 years or more out of that coat. And I do still like it. It’s just old and worn and looks like it. (But I’ll keep an eye open when I go thrifting from now on...) By tote bag has a special place in my heart as well because I ordered it from my own Society6 shop back in the days when I was new to being a pro illustrator and seeing your own work on a physical (and useful!) object is always very exciting! At the time I would have loved to order a bag for each of my artworks, but thankfully I did not, even though it was more money constrains than awareness for environmental issues that held me at bay. Nowadays I think a lot more about how our actions impact our planet, both because I love the natural world (which we imo mistakenly separate from our human ‘civilization’) and everything living in it (apart from ticks), but also because I’m worried about our--let’s face it: my own--future. I know that especially over here in the wealthy west we’re consuming we’re consuming far more than is sustainable. Thusly, whenever I’m promoting my print (and merch) shop, I’m a little bit torn. I of course want people to buy my art so I can make a living, but I also want to promote making conscious consumer choices aka not buying stuff on a whim or to make yourself temporarily feel better only to regret your purchase later, but being sure you actually want and will treasure something or really need something before clicking ’buy’. Anyhow, I’ll be using my tote bag until it fully disintegrates (and then I’ll probably use it to stuff a pillow :D). Some years ago I stumbled upon the concept of ‘visible mending’, which was primarily appealing to me because I’m pretty bad at sewing and not being able to make something look ‘as good as new’ kept me from pro-longing my clothes’ lives. However, most of the cute ‘visible mending’ examples feature nice embroidery and let me tell you: I also cannot embroider at all and ‘the mending has to look stylish’ is putting just as much pressure on myself as ‘it has to look new’. My takeaway, however, was that it’s okay if people can see that my clothes had holes once (and now very amateurish stiches). Caring for my belongings and making them last, reducing the amount of resources I use and not supporting fast fashion is part of my value system and I’m ok if people notice.

So now when something tears my measurement of mending success is whether or not I can use it again. Yes, I could have gone the extra step of at least buying some darker yarn to match my bag, but that extra step would have taken me weeks (not kidding. this stuff ends up on my ‘to do’ and will just never be done) to accomplish and my bag would have started to accumulate dust. Now it’s fixed and can go back to carrying groceries for me. I also sewed my coat button back on and the entire procedure took less than an hour and both items are back in use, hooray! Anyhow--I guess here’s a link to my Society6 shop. Please only buy when you’re willing to keep the purchase forever and ever!

[gwensy]

sorry for reblogging fugly trends from 2012 it's for my enrichment

[explode-this]

.

[ribosomeraisin]

just a tag rant. again

[mclqren]

LADY KILLER ★ LN4

PAIRING ✦ lando norris x fem!influencer!reader SUMMARY ✦ you're a famous influencer, and you manage to catch the eye of a certain formula one driver. [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ cursing

NOTES ✦ my first smau! the fc i've used is maria isabel, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are open so feel free to leave a request :)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

liked by landonorris, tarayummyy, and 803,960 others

yourusername getaway to the maldives was so needed ✈️

view all comments

user1 omg you're glowinggg!!

user2 prettiest girl everr 💘

tarayummyyy wifeee!

yourusername the one and onlyyy! 😉

user3 omg i was in the maldives!! wish i could've seen you :(

user4 her style is everything to me

landonorris 🔥🔥

liked by yourusername

user5 does anyone else see lando in the likes AND comments?

user6 lando norizz back with a vengeance 🔥🔥

user7 he's been liking her posts for a whileeee now, this is the first one he's commented on though!

user8 most perfect girl ever

liked by landonorris, nessabarrett, and 857,564 others

yourusername new phone, who’s this? 📞

view all comments

user13 HOW ARE YOU THIS PERFECT

user14 oh to live the y/n lifestyle

landonorris professional chef 👩‍🍳

yourusername you know it! 😉

user15 lando got a reply??

user16 PROGRESS IN MY EYES 🔥

user17 i’d literally do anything for you

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 822,784 others

landonorris new helmet. 2024 season has started 🏎️

view all comments

user18 RAHHH HES BACK 🦅🦅🦅

user19 he literally makes me go feral

oscarpiastri let’s gooo 🤝

liked by landonorris

yourusername oh ur a f1 driver? you’ve never mentioned! 😊

landonorris u sure u didn’t already know? 🤷

user20 the way they match each others energiesss just get together!

user21 y/n is his likes and comments?? can he pls drop the manifestation method 🙏

liked by landonorris

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, and 901,562 others

yourusername these are a few of my favorite things! 🤍

view all comments

user22 miss girl gets prettier each day!

user23 real question is which version of the song is in her caption

yourusername the sound of music version! one of my fav movies ❤️

user23 AH YOU REPLIEDDD!!

lilymhe you are stunninggg!

yourusername right back at you!! 🤍

user24 THE WAGS HAVE REACHED HER??

user25 oh so it’s SERIOUS

landonorris how many heels do you need

yourusername these aren’t even all of them

yourusername

( caption one: officially on the move ✈️❤️ | caption two: 📍Bahrain )

liked by landonorris, charlesleclerc, and 1,021,320 others

yourusername this f1 thing is kinda cool idk

view all comments

user34 THE FERRARI SHIRT LMAOOO SHE'S MESSY

user35 who is the man in the second pic? 👀👀

user36 LANDOOO (let's hope!!)

landonorris who gave you that shirt...

yourusername carlosss!! 😇😇

landonorris oh!... @/carlossainz55 we'll be having words later 😊

carlossainz55 not my fault she switched sides 🤷‍♂️

user37 Y/N WITH TEAM FERRARI IM CREASINGGG

oscarpiastri so you acc did switch sides :(

yourusername IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF YOU OSC DW blame lando

landonorris huh why me??

oscarpiastri she doesn't need a reason you're just annoying

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 1,329,875 others

tagged yourusername

landnorris so...surprise? 😁

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yourusername ARE YOU SILLYYY YOU RUINED MY SOFT LAUNCH

yourusername LANDO NORRIS I ACC HATE YOU KYS

landonorris you don't mean that 😊😊

user41 WE DID IT LADSSSS 🔥🔥🔥

user42 the secret wasn't very well kept now was it!

user43 PARENTS TOGETHER AT LAST WOOHOO

lilyzneimer ah finally!! now we double date.

yourusername oh absolutely.

oscarpiastri so do we have a say in this orrr?

landonorris i think this might just be our lives now.

user44 i am grinning from ear to ear they are so cute.

liked by landnorris, alexandrasaintmleux, and 1,329,875 others

tagged landnorris

yourusername after my oh so lovely boyfriend SPOILED my soft launch, i have no choice but to post this now 😔 happy 8 months you dork.

view all comments

landonorris the dork was a low blow

landonorris no one was expecting the 8 months now were they🔥🔥

yourusername WE WIN

user45 I BEG YOUR PARDON EIGHT MONTHSSSS??

user46 so yall weren't lying when you said you kept the secret well.

user47 i am sleeping on the highway tonight.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[tarotwithavi]

I get money, I am a star

How can you make more money? How can you attract abundance into your life?

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

How to choose a pile?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.

This is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

Masterlist 💌 paid services

YouTube

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT 🫶🏻❤️

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

PILE 1

You have a special ability to attract people, and that's because the way you see and understand life is very different from everyone else. I'm also getting the message that you can use your unique perspective and appearance to earn more money. For example, you could become a social media influencer or start your own blog where you share your opinions with others. You might even consider writing articles or books to share your knowledge, which could also help you earn more.

You have a talent or skill that could lead to great financial success. All you need to do is focus on developing it. This might seem like a random message, but I sense that some of you have hacking skills that could be used to catch online predators. You could make money while also doing something good for society, and you can do this without revealing your identity.

I also heard the phrase “secret superstar,” which might have special meaning for some of you.

You can attract abundance into your life just by being yourself. You don’t have to follow strict instructions on how to manifest things. You are fully capable of discovering new methods that work for you when it comes to manifestation. Remember, sometimes you need to "fake it till you make it." Don’t worry about what others might think or say; be the most confident and imaginative version of yourself. Believe in the impossible, and you’ll see it become reality. Dream big, and don’t hesitate to manifest the most outrageous things, even those that seem out of reach.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

PILE 2

I see that some of you are thinking about choosing a business major in college, and I want you to know that this is a great choice for you. I got the message that you have the potential to make more money by helping others learn how to manage and grow their own money. You could become a freelancer, offering advice on how to use money wisely, or you might even start a course where you teach people how to invest and handle their finances.

You have a special knowledge or skill that could be valuable to others, and you could exchange this knowledge for money. Some of you might also be excellent teachers, guides, gurus, or counselors. You hold the key to success—your ideas, inspirations, and whatever thoughts come to your mind right now could be what lead you to success.

I also see that some of you don't feel the need to make a lot of money; you just want to earn enough to live a good, comfortable life. You don't necessarily desire a luxurious lifestyle. Some of you could even become great spiritual teachers.

You can attract abundance into your life by growing spiritually. However, I also notice that some of you have been slacking on your spiritual practices. For example, something you used to do regularly, like manifestation, meditation, or journaling, you now barely do once every two weeks. These practices help keep you emotionally stable. If you start doing them regularly again, you'll notice a significant change in the energy around you.

At this moment, you need to focus on your studies and avoid chasing temporary pleasures. Concentrate on the things that will bring you long-term fulfillment and happiness.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

PILE 3

You need to break free from the cycle you're currently stuck in, and I'm getting the message that this may be connected to your ancestors. It’s possible that your family has experienced a fluctuating cycle of wealth and poverty over time. As a result, you might be afraid of making more money because you fear that you’ll end up facing the same ups and downs as your ancestors did.

I also see that you have a mindset of lack when it comes to money, and this needs to change. If you don’t shift your thinking, you may struggle to manifest more money in your life. Another issue is that you tend to overspend on things you want but don’t really need. Then, when it comes time to spend on something you actually need, you might find yourself short of money. It’s important to learn how to manage your finances better so that you have enough money for both what you want and what you need.

Some of you might be thinking about starting a business or entering a partnership with someone. This could be a good opportunity, but you need to be very careful about who you choose to partner with. For others, starting your own business could be a great option. I see that some of you are considering businesses related to jewelry, clothing (especially thrifted clothes), or decorative items.

You also need to let go of habits or memories that are no longer serving you. You can attract abundance by releasing an addiction or behavior that is holding you back. For instance, I see that some of you may be spending too much time on social media or on your phones. You need to be mindful of how much time you’re wasting on these activities. Instead, invest your time in something that will benefit you. If something isn't adding value to your life, don’t waste your time on it.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

[these-posts-arent-real]

Oh StarClan... your dash has turned into warrior cats again.

#sorry <3 #this one has parts that are based off of that #one post rhats like "if there were cat-people #do you think calico tboys would try to dye over their patches"

2 notes

🔁 🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow reblogged

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

Me & Night (my mate)!!!

🏞 trouttail-prefers-bass Follow

:O Kip's mate has finally been revealed!!! And his name is Night? Cooool.

🍲 ex-thundrclan-kipper Follow

Yeah haha. Technically his full name is Night Hunter, Bringer of Darkness, but it feels so weirdly formal calling him that, so I usually stick to just Night.

#life #kittypet #collar tw #cw collars #id in alt text

8,504 notes

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

I find it really funny when I see cats on here vaguepost about big blogs. Like cmon mouse-brain everyone here knows who you're talking about. Just say their name.

#this is about that one mommy blogger shitting on kipper the kittypet #btw #in case some of you couldnt tell #would be funny if it wasnt so stupid

12 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

Hahaaaaa.... my mother found out ive been slowly dyeing my ginger patches black...

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

Why would you do that??? Being a tortie is so cool, I wish I had ginger patches! They're so pretty, why do you want to get rid of them???

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

Uhm. Gender dysphoria??

Like. I know cis male tortoiseshells exist but they're so rare that most cats take one look at me and go "oh, tortie, must be a girl" and that hurts.

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

OH STARCLAN im so sorry Rot i wasnt even thinking about you being trans, I probably sounded really insensitive... I do understand what you're saying now.

Didn't even ask, how did your mom take it? Does she know why?

🥬 rxttencatmint Follow

You're fine <3 I get it. And no, she uh.. has no clue why I did it, she thinks I'm in my "emo phase" or something.

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

Uhh unrelated but what do you use to dye your fur?? Asking for... science...

#"science" meaning i am also a tortie tboy #well technically i'm calico but ykwim

46 notes

🔁 🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow reblogged

🦢 gentlesong-momof17 Follow

I can't be the only one here who thinks it's unfair to allow kittypets on this site. Posting pictures of themselves and their mates inside of the twolegplace, influencing the young kits on this site to abandon their Clans... surely everyone else sees the problem with this as well.

This is Clanblr, not "Kittypetblr". This was specifically made as a space for Clan cats to connect, not for kittypets to push their lifestyle on us.

They're going to convince our kits to abandon their home and their belief in StarClan just for a more secure life.

#EXACTLY #I only recently found out ex-tc Kipper was a kittypet #it was so upsetting to me because i've always loved his wood-scratch art #to find out he's a clan-abandoner was so saddening

2,447 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

The recent drama surrounding Kipper the Kittypet is sad and I hate that he's being bashed just for existing, but it's also incredibly stupid. I believe the cat who wrote the original post said something like, "it's CLANblr, not KITTYPETblr," and then something about belief in StarClan and I just... do you even realize how many Clanblr mods are non-Clan and/or don't believe in StarClan?

To name a few, @s-t-a-r-burning is former WindClan now rogue & openly an atheist, @theshadowhaseyes has been a kittypet his whole life, and @ssuunnrraayy-p has made zir entire blog about how ze travels from one Clan to another & doesnt consider zimself a Clan cat. Those are all mods. "It's clanblr no-" shut up. Just shut up.

245 notes

🧷 name-lists-by-theme

Theme: Water

as always, these work as either part of your name, but they are intended as the first part!

-Abyss

-Bay

-Bog

-Cove

-Creek

-Current

-Dew

-Fog

-Lagoon

-Lake

-Marsh

-Mist

-Pond

-Pool

-Puddle

-Rain

-Shallow

-Sleet

-Spray

-Splash

-Storm

-Stream

-Torrent

Keep reading

383 notes

🐱 berrrrry-o Follow

I think a lot of cats put way too much emphasis on the parts of the warrior code that dont matter, and forget the parts that do, like "feed elders and kits first" and "never neglect a kit in pain or danger"... I feel like those are significantly more important than "a warrior rejects the soft life of a kittypet," but maybe that's just me.

#berry yaps #I'm irritated by the kittypet drama going on on this site

16 notes

🔁 🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow reblogged

🔲 sag3-chas3s-squirr3ls-deactivated

I feel like we don't talk enough about how SkyClan got chased out of their own territory during a time of crisis rather than all of the Clans trying to make room for everyone...

I mean, seriously. I know it's taught to all SkyClan apprentices, but I've talked to some of my friends from other Clans and they just. Didn't know that. They were never taught that the other Clans allowed SkyClan to be chased out due to territory loss.

🔲 sstep-xoxo-deactivated

:/ im pretty sure the whole thing about skclan being kicked out of their territory is just a conspiracy theory

🔲 sag3-chas3s-squirr3ls-deactivated

Imagine trying to tell a cat that they don't know their own Clan's history 💀

#ohh i finally found it again #that 1 fucker trying to say that skyclan's history is a "conspiracy theory"

20,056 notes

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

:/ I do not like being stuck on the wrong site.

[pretending-ican-write]

Cowboy Up - Pt.1 - Ryan x Dutton!reader

Um so I watched all of Yellowstone last week and as a result, my multi-year writer's block was broken by a need to see more of Ryan because I am obsessed with Ian Bohen. Idk how many parts this will have or how often it will get updated as I'm in the last few months of uni but I hope y'all enjoy!

Pairing: Ryan (Yellowstone) x Dutton!Reader (Kayce's twin sister)

WC: 1053

Next part

Disclaimer: Beyond watching Yellowstone I have zero/little knowledge of Western riding and the ranching lifestyle but I do know horses so that has certainly influenced this! I'm also English so writing dialogue correctly for them is not my strong point! If you find any issues please let me know!

---

The sun was just beginning to dip below the mountains and the cold was starting to set in when she joined him on the fence.  Neither of them spoke for a while, just looking out at the vastness in front of them, all that was theirs but came with so many conditions.  

Eventually she broke the silence, “so you told him?  How’d he take that one?”

Wordlessly he opened his shirt where the ‘Y’ was just starting to scab over, still red and angry.

“Motherfucker,” she swore, “this ain’t fair Kayce.  He doesn’t just get to do this.”

He shook his head, “dad does whatever he wants and there ain’t no consequences for him.  That’s why I gotta do this.”

“Shit man.  What’s Monica gonna do?  Besides worrying about you getting your ass shot in the desert miles from civilisation?”

Kayce chuckled, “beats getting my ass shot in the middle of Montana miles from civilisation.  She’ll be okay, her family will help and she’ll be a teacher.  Just like she planned.  It’s you I’m worried about here with dad and no one else to speak sense to.  ‘Cept Lee”

“Well I’m leaving, dad be damned.  I’m not gonna be a pawn in his power trip.  Gonna go see this godforsaken country and win it all so that when I come back he can’t question whether it’s where I wanna be,” she declared.

Her brother rolled his eyes, “you ain’t talking about the same him now.”

“I don’t know what your talking about,” she denied, staring out at the darkened mountains.

Kayce shoved her shoulder, “you can’t bullshit to me y/n.  That’s the one problem with being twins, ain’t no way to lie to me.”

“I’m just a kid to him, he ain’t ever gonna see me any other way if I stay here,” she admitted, “hell if I stay here no one will ever see me as anything more than his kid.  ‘S why we both gotta do this Kayce.”

He nodded, “no way to stand in the sun in this state, always gonna be a shadow.”

“When I come back I’ll be able to stand in sunlight so bright I’ll have a fucking halo.”

-/-/-

2 years later…

 Montana has its charms all year round, but fall has a particular appeal.  The leaves had started to turn, there was a chill in the air that only seemed to get  stronger and there was still a frost on the grass that the sun hadn’t hit.  

With the sun keeping the cold from their bones, the Yellowstone ranch hands were occupying themselves keeping their roping skills fresh.  Rip observed from the sidelines as the new hand struggled to keep up with Ryan who turned to lecture the kid about keeping his eye on the steer.  

Lloyd rolled his eyes when he missed the horns again, “you gotta try harder than that if you wanna be a wrangler!”

“He keeps pulling the damn steer too early,” the hand argued back.

Ryan glared at him, “don’t fuckin’ blame me for your bad skills.”

Before they could descend into an all out brawl, the group were distracted by the sound and sight of truck coming down the road.  They watched it pull up in front of the barn, trailer in tow.  A rare silence occupied them as they watched a young woman step out, adjust her hat then stare out across the ranch in front of her.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Lloyd muttered, “she’s back.  You fuckin’ know about this?”

Rip said nothing, but his face gave the answer.  The other hands who recognised her muttered between themselves about what she was doing back after so long.

The new hand leaned over towards Ryan, “who the fuck is that and why does everybody care?”

“That is y/n Dutton,” he answered without taking his eyes off of her.

“I didn’t know John had another daughter,” he responded.

Ryan shook his head, “hell kid you gotta lot to learn about this place.”

“She’s fuckin’ hot mind,” the hand murmered.

The older hand spat out his words, “you keep words like that off your tongue if you want to keep it.”

Lee stepped out of the barn and stepped around the truck to greet her, “the prodigal daughter returns.”

“I don’t see Beth anywhere,” she laughed bitterly, “but it’s good to see you Lee.”

He hugged her, “I’m glad you’re back.  Been a long time coming.”

“I came back for me, not for him remember that,” she turned towards the corral, “think I’ve given them enough of a show to explain it so they can pick their jaws up off the floor?”

He gestured for her to follow him towards where the ranch hands were all still quietly watching.  She strode over to the group, smiling at Rip who nodded back at her.

“Where’s that mare of yours?” He asked.

Y/n shrugged, “a champion barrel horse would be wasted on this ranch.  Sold her for more money than I’m ever gonna earn in the rest of my lifetime.”

“You ain’t rodeoing anymore?” Lloyd questioned.

“I did what I set out to do when I went on the circuit.  Saw this godforsaken country and won it all.  It’d get boring to win it over again,” she moved her gaze towards where Ryan was watching her, “ain’t no one gonna question where I wanna be now.”

Rip nodded, “afraid we ain’t got a horse to spare for you y/n.”

“I got that covered Rip.  Got one coming up tomorrow from a ranch in Wyoming.  Some fuckin’ old school boys who don’t know how to be nice to a horse they didn’t ruin,” she explained, “man’s wife broke it and now she’s dead ain’t no one gonna ride him gentle.  Figured he might stand a chance with me.”

Lloyd chuckled, “always were a soft hand.  Figured that’s how you won it all.”

“Guess that question that remains is, do you have a place for me?  Not in the house but here,” she clarified.

Lee looked at Rip then back at his sister, “I reckon so.  You gonna stay in the bunkhouse?”

“Oh fuck no,” y/n laughed, “I didn’t drag that thing all the way from Texas to sleep with these fuckheads.  It’s looked after me in worse places.  Think it’ll do just fine here.”

[cindol]

cw + extra : dick and reader call each other baby a lot lmao, dick and reader have very mushy love , black fem reader

Dick Grayson is in the category of men who like being showed off by their girlfriend, like he’s her little trophy boyfriend. It’s why you being a lifestyle influencer on social media is perfect for him.

He isn’t shy about his love for you off and on social media. He knows you’re a pretty girl and there’s some fans that have a infatuation with you, that he could tell from your TikTok comment sections of videos that just had you dancing or your face straight in the camera.

It’s why he liked to ruffle some feathers by kissing you very very publicly in front of cameras. Mainly what he liked to do is when you were just live on TikTok talking doing some makeup look and he’d catch you off guard and kiss you.

a whine and pout always came from you when he’d kiss you all sweet and mess up your favorite lip combo of a brown lip liner and dark brown lip gloss making the combo all smudged now.

“dickkkk, baby! You messed up my lips. They’re all messy now..” you grabbed your brown lip liner pencil trying to at least fix it up a bit.

Dick made that chuckle he knew you’d love that sound of laughter from him, it made you always forgive his silly antics. Bending down he kissed your cheek.“sorry baby, just can’t help but want a taste, you know how I am.”

the mushy behavior gets a good amount of immature jokes from your fans in the live chat.

[poem-i-wish-i-wrote]

Thought we kissed goodbye, right for you and I

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x reader Summery: Just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over and If you think it's over maybe he'll be coming over again. Yes i just used the song lyrics to summarize the fic, what about it? warnings: mention of alcohol

It’s been 7 months now. The wounds are closing you think. You don’t think of him nearly as much as you used to. Only when you wake up and when you open the contacts in your phone and when you pass through the streets and when you stay up late. Nearly not as much as before. 

You were in your living room. Lying on your sofa with a glass of wine in one hand and your phone on the other. It’s 2 am. The bottle of wine you popped open earlier in the night is only quarter full now.  You're scrolling through what seems like a thousand posts about your ex.

Charles won the Monaco grand prix today. You were unbelievably happy for him. All the photos of him on the race track, the photos of him on the podium in front of his home crowd, you know how much he wanted this. You couldn’t be more proud of him. But there’s still a knot in your stomach from wishing you could be there to cheer for him, wishing you could tell him what a great job he did or you could celebrate it with him. But you couldn’t.

7 months ago you kissed him goodbye with tears in your eyes. The breakup was mutual. You both realized it might not work in the long run. You both had different lifestyles and he couldn’t afford to be distracted. It hurt. But you let go, thinking it was the best for both of you. Now you let your phone slip from your hand. And sip on the wine again. Maybe you could call him to congratulate?

You brush the thought off. You weren’t sure if he would even pick up. And you didn’t want to ruin his night of victory. You stare at the black screen of your phone there on the tea table longingly. 

Then to your utter disbelieve the screen of your phone lit up with his name on it. You jump off the couch. You dreamed of this happening every minute in the past 7 months. But now that it’s happening you don’t know what to do.

__________________________________________________________

Charles was at a club. Celebrating his win with his team and some other drivers, his brothers and friends. He was unbelievably happy to finally win a race in his hometown. But in the blinding light of the club and the beat of the music thumping in his chest he could not shake off the feeling that something was missing.

He knew exactly what was missing. He's been thinking about it for months, 7 to be exact. He turns to where Arthur and Carlos were drinking saying that he’ll be back in a minute before walking out with his phone in his hand. With the influence of the alcohol heavy on his mind, he dialed her number before even realizing what he was doing.

He let it ring a few times. Desperately wishing she would pick up. Right when he was about to give up the call went through. He could hear breathing on the other line.

“Y/n? Are you there?” It felt incredibly freeing to say her name again.

______________________________________________________________

You held the phone with both hands as you pressed it harder against your ears, closing your eyes when you heard him say your name.

“Hey” you say a few seconds later, it comes out shaky. 

“Hi” you hear from the other side. The mixture of wine and hearing his voice after so longs makes you feel dizzy.

“Congratulations on the big win. I’m so happy for you” You managed to get out.

“ Thanks.” He replies, not quite sure what he should say next. 

“You should have been there. I really wished you were there” You hear him continue making you sink back on the couch. Your chest was hurting. 

Charles didn’t know where he was going with this phone call. All he knows is that he misses you too much to stay away. And the alcohol in his system was giving him the little courage he needed to say all the things he wished to say so many times before. 

“ I really wish you were there. It broke my heart not seeing you in the crowd. You always said I could do it. You were always there to pick me up at my worst times. It doesn't feel right not to have you by my side at my best.” 

You let out a shaky breath. “I wish I was there to cheer you on too.”

“Mon Cheri, Please give me one more chance. I don’t want to do this without you. I will make it work this time. But please, I can’t stay away from you anymore.” He blurts out. He can feel his eyes burn up.

On the other side of the phone you're already tearing up. You spend months wishing for another chance to go back. All you wanted to do was wrap your arms around him and sob for days.

“Y/n? Please.” His voice came pleading.

“I don’t wanna be away from you either.” You manage to say. He can tell you're crying.

“Believe me my love, let me back in and I’m never leaving ever again.” 20 mins later, the doorbell rang. You rushed to open the door and as soon as it swung open his lip crashed into your. His arms snaked around your waste. You could taste the alcohol in his lips, he on yours.

You stood there kissing messily until you couldn't breath. When you both pulled away, he pressed his forehead against yours. Both of your eyes closed as you breathed heavy, nose touching.

“I missed you so much, I’m never letting you go again.” he whispered against your lips.

[lilstarkeydream]

Hidden Flames- Chapter 1

Summary: Y/N, a Kook who prefers the company of her Pogue friends, falls for Rafe Cameron. Despite their growing feelings, they maintain a facade due to their conflicting social circles and personal insecurities. Y/N is best friends with Sarah, Rafe's sister, which fuels Rafe's hidden affection. He despises how Y/N hangs out with the Pogues, believing she has more potential, while Y/N can't stand Rafe's for fights and stuck up nature. After a dramatic confrontation, they confess their feelings but must keep their relationship secret, with only Sarah in the know.

Warnings: 18+ only! Angst, Smut, Adult language, Violence, Alcohol use

Authors note: Hey guys! This is my first time writing any fan fiction, so go easy on me but I hope you enjoy. I am hoping to have another chapter up within the next week, as well as a series navigation. Feel free to send requests if you have story ideas for Rafe (check my bio).

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It was 9 o'clock on a Friday night. Nightfall had crept up before you knew it, and the island was alive with the buzz of another wild party. After a long day working at the golf course, you headed straight to your best friend Sarah Cameron’s white mansion. Known as the Kook princess, Sarah had welcomed you into her world since you moved to the island in middle school. The Cameron residence had become your second home, between sleepovers, getting ready for parties, and just gossip sessions. Despite the bitter fallout between Sarah and Kiara, which shattered your once inseparable trio, you managed to stay close to both, splitting your life between Kooks and Pogues. 

Sarah's boyfriend, Topper, was a constant presence. As her older brother’s best friend, he was also practically part of the family. You weren’t super fond of Topper, as he could be a self-entitled asshole, but he made her happy for the most part- besides their weekly fights and Topper getting mad at Sarah for the littlest of things. He made her happy that’s all that mattered. Rafe Cameron is Sarah's older brother and Topper's best friend, he was also a self-entitled asshole, who you, unfortunately, had to see on a weekly basis, due to the mutual connection. Topper and Rafe also golfed a lot, leaving the interactions unavoidable since you worked as a Bev cart girl for extra cash. Rafe was insufferable, to say the least, he always found a way to make your life a living nightmare. 

Your other time is spent hanging out with the Pogues- JJ, John B, Kiara, and Pope. Both you and Kiara are technically Kooks, but honestly, that lifestyle became too much for you both all the time. Hence how you found your best friends, the Pogues. The Pogues offered freedom, adventure, and a sense of belonging you hadn’t found anywhere else. Your parents disapproved, deeming your Pogue friends as bad influences. They never understood why you would want to degrade your self-worth and reputation, but they don’t understand how intoxicating Kook life can truly be. Your life felt like a constant balancing act, a war between the adventurous and fulfilling life as Pogues and the obligations of being a Kook. 

Now, you were at Sarah’s house, frantically trying to find the perfect outfit for the party, rummaging through her expensive wardrobe. You were caught between wanting to look sexy or slutty, and trying to distract yourself from the anger simmering from your encounter at work earlier that day. Every dress you held up seemed to fall short of the image you had in mind. Rafe Cameron had made yet another one of his insufferable comments, making it impossible to focus. You tried to shake off the previous encounter from the golf course.

Earlier that afternoon, the golf course was bathed in golden sunlight, creating the perfect atmosphere for your shift. As the beverage cart girl, you were used to dealing with the occasional lewd remark or entitled attitude from the Kook golfers, but Rafe always took it a step further. You had just finished serving drinks to a group of older businessmen when Rafe called over, his smirk as infuriating as ever, signaling he only wanted to cause you chaos

"Hey there, service girl," he said, leaning against the cart with an exaggerated casualness with the usually smug grin hung on his face. "Nice to see you finally doing something useful for once."

You forced a tight smile, hoping to get through the interaction without causing a scene. "Can I get you anything, Rafe?"

"Yeah, how about a little respect?" he sneered back, his body language reeking of mockery. "Or is that too much to ask from a Pogue-wannabe like you?"

Your hands instantly tightened on the steering wheel of the cart, every muscle in your body screaming at you to say something back, to put him in his place. If anything he was even worse. But you knew better. Engaging would only escalate the situation, and Rafe thrived on conflict, he wanted you to respond with a snarky comment. Instead, you focused on the task at hand, preparing his drink and handing it to him with forced politeness and a tight-lip smile on your face. 

"Here you go, Rafe. Enjoy your day."

He took the drink, his fingers brushing yours in a way that felt more like a taunt than an accident. "Don't screw it up too badly tonight, alright? Wouldn't want you embarrassing Sarah in front of everyone."

The comment stung more than you cared to admit. It wasn't just his words; it was how he always managed to make you feel small and insignificant- solidifying your existing insecurities. As he walked away, laughing with his friends, you felt the familiar mix of anger and frustration bubble up inside you.

As you were brought back from daydreaming your anger only grew, causing you to blurt out your day's frustration, "I fucking hate him, Sarah. All he does is go around doing drugs and causing fights. I was so close to flipping out today." pacing around Sarah’s room, venting. You already debriefed Sarah on the whole incident, but you couldn’t help but talk about it again. Your usual thick skin was not feeling so intact. 

Sarah looked at you with her empathic face, sighing, trying to calm you down "Y/N, you know he just tries to get under your skin. It’s what Rafe does."

Frustrated, you rolled your eyes, "He doesn't care about my feelings. He thinks I’m a total disgrace to the Kook name. Maybe he’s right. I don’t give a shit about the Kook life and do half of what I do to please my parents."

You continued pacing, finally settling on a black dress that hugged your curves, pairing it with your simple burgundy swimsuit underneath. Leaving your hair down, you opted for simple strap sandals, finally feeling ready for the night. 

Rafe Cameron is a special kind of infuriating. You try to tolerate him, you do, but his constant snarky comments about every aspect of your life makes him incredibly punchable. No matter how tall and handsome he might be, it didn’t matter in this instance. You could handle some comments, but you weren’t a complete pushover.

Sarah trying to steer the conversation to a happier note, in an attempt to diffuse your anger “Let's just go to this party, get blasted drunk, meet some people, and forget about tonight. Rafe isn't worth the stress."

Taking a deep breath, you knew she was right, momentarily letting go of your anger “You’re right. I’m not going to let him ruin our night. Let’s go have some fun." Finally settling down from your pacing, you put the final touches on your makeup sitting down in front of Sarah’s mirror.

“I know I’m right Y/N” giving me a loving side glance “Plus why does it matter what he thinks anyway. He’s always high and pissed off”. She paused for a second, finishing up her hair. “Alright, we're all ready to go and get drunk as fuck?” she said with a smug look on her face. 

You took a deep breath, letting the tension of the day slip away. Sarah's carefree attitude was contagious, and despite everything, you couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement. She might be a little blind to her brother's flaws, especially since she was dating Topper and their worlds were so intertwined, but she was still your best friend.

After a quick car drive and lots of shuffling through Sarah’s mixed-genre playlist, you arrived at the more-than-alive scene of the party. You weren’t even sure whose house it was but hell that didn’t matter. A party is a party. Music instantly fills your ears as soon as you step out of the car. The front yard was packed with people, a mixture of Kooks and Pogues mingling together, the tension of their social divide momentarily forgotten. Almost serving as a symbol for what your pogue-kook life looked like. 

Walking through the front door, the house was a blur of lights and laughter. You made your way to the kitchen, the center of every good party. You hugged Sarah as she wanted to venture off to find Topper, as usual, but you didn’t mind. You needed a little break to gather your thoughts anyway. The familiar scent of expensive cologne and perfume mingled with the heavy aroma of alcohol and smoke, creating an intoxicating atmosphere. Grabbing a red solo cup from the stack, you filled it with a generous amount of a strong mix of whatever was handy—tonight was about forgetting the week’s frustrations. You took a small sip, wincing slightly at the strong taste, but internally smiling at the immediate warmth of the alcohol that spread through your chest.

The drink was strong, probably vodka, but you needed it. As you leaned against the counter, you took a moment to take in the scene around you. The living room was a blur, with loud music thumping in conjunction with conversation and laughter. 

Despite the alive atmosphere, the exchange between you and Rafe still lurked in your mind. Sometimes you felt like a Kook who didn’t quite fit in, you have well-off parents and a promising paved future with privilege and opportunity. Your parents envisioned you with a successful career, bringing pride and status to the family name. Yet, you were never a huge fan of the behavior the Kook lifestyle manifested, often self-centered, ignorant, asshole-like individuals. Rafe is a great example of that.

With your drink secure in your hand, you pushed yourself off the counter and made your way through the house outside to the bonfire. You felt a wave of relief as soon as the fresh ocean air hit your face, heat from the fire mixed with the ocean breeze creating a perfect party atmosphere. You spotted your friends - JJ, John B, Kiara, and Pope, sitting around the fire, laughing about something stupid JJ said. The genuine joy is clear on their faces, contrasting with the pretentious kook attitudes.

With a big grin on your face, you called out, “Hey guys, mind if I join you?”

Kiara’s eyes lit up in recognition of your face, “Y/N! Get over here, come sit down. We were just talking about crazy stuff JJ pulled off last week. “ 

As you settled in, the warmth of the fire continued to provide comfort as well as your friends began to ease your previous tense state. JJ went into vivid detail about his last mischievous adventure, our expressions displaying a mix of disbelief and laughter at his antics. The conversation effortlessly flowed, sharing jokes and stories that had everyone laughing until their stomachs hurt. I could feel the effects of the alcohol starting to take effect. In other words, the night was perfect. For a moment, it felt like everything in the world was right. These moments with your Pogue friends were ones that you cherished most. They made you feel alive, grounded, and understood; something you missed out on in your Kook life.

Eventually, you reached the bottom of the solo cup, signaling a refill was needed. Standing up, you navigate your way back to the kitchen, passing both Kooks and Pogues you couldn’t put a name to. The house became a maze, with more people filing in as the night was still young. As you reached the familiar environment of the kitchen for the bottle of Vodka, you suddenly bumped into someone. Looking up, you found yourself face to face with the one and only Rafe Cameron, his ocean-blue eyes, slightly glazed with alcohol and god knows what other drugs, looking down at you. His presence was overwhelming, you could smell a mixture of his cologne and the sharpness of vodka. 

Rafe smirked down at you drunk, “Well, well, look who decided to slum it with the Pogues tonight. Have you decided you're finally trying to find yourself a real man, Y/N?”

His words were a direct hit causing you to look away, annoyance taking over your face, however, you kept your cool, “Just enjoying the party, Rafe. Not that any of it is your business” 

Rafe took a step closer, lowering his voice for only you to hear, “Everything you do is my business, Y/N. Don't you forget that?” His sudden proximity made your heart race, you felt a mix of anger and something else- something else you wouldn’t dare to acknowledge.

Flustered, you shot back, “Fuck off, Rafe. You don’t care about me.” You angrily push him away, your hands firm against the muscles of his chest, and quickly turn around, making your way back to your friends. The interaction with Rafe left you shaken, the interaction making you once again feel so small yet so noticed. You quickly downed two more drinks, trying to steady your nerves. Taking in Sarah’s words from earlier to just try and enjoy the night.

As the alcohol coursed through your veins, you started to feel a pleasant buzz, hoping the tension was behind you. You felt engulfed by your friend's laughter with the warmth of the fire.

Suddenly, your mood shifted once again, as you saw Rafe Cameron making his way towards the bonfire. This time more drunk and agitated. 

As Rade approaches he spits "Y/N, you think you can just walk away from me like that?"

You stood up, the alcohol giving you a false sense of courage. "What the hell do you want, Rafe? Can't you just leave me alone?"

Rafe rolled his eyes, continuing to mock you “Oh, look at you. Acting all tough in front of your Pogue friends. You’ll never be a pogue Y/N, just give it up!"

The Pogues immediately rose to your defense, with John B stepping forward. "Back off, Rafe. She doesn't need to deal with your shit tonight." John B stepping between you and Rafe. 

Topper, along with a few other Kooks, approached to back up Rafe. "Stay out of it, John B. This is between Rafe and Y/N."

Tensions escalated quickly as insults were thrown back and forth. You could feel the eyes of everyone around you, the entire party was now focused on the showdown. Anxiety coursing through your body, unsure of why Rafe had a sudden interest making his hatred for you a public display.

Rafe's voice grew louder, more aggressive. "You're just a joke, Y/N. You’re pathetic. You don’t belong with us Kooks, and you never will."

Your anger boiled over, you began to raise your voice. "And who are you to decide where I belong? You’re just a spoiled brat who thinks he can control everyone."

Rafe's eyes flashed with anger, and he took a step closer. "You’re going to regret saying that."

Before you could react, Rafe shoved you. The force of his push sent you stumbling backward. The Pogues immediately rushed to your side, while the Kooks moved in to support Rafe. The scene erupted into chaos, with shoving and shouting escalating into a full-blown brawl. 

John B and Topper exchanged punches, while JJ and Pope tried to hold back the other Kooks. Even with the chaos, Rafe's eyes remained locked on yours, his anger still burning. 

You struggled to regain your balance, your head spinning from the mix of alcohol and adrenaline. Kiara was at your side in an instant, helping you to your feet. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice filled with worry.

You nodded weakly, brushing off your clothes and fixing your hair. "I think so. I didn’t hit my head or anything. I’m just really drunk." You instantly are brought back to reality realizing there’s still a fight going on, in an attempt to break it up, you make your way to John B. and Rafe.

"Stop it, Rafe!" you shouted, trying to pull him away from the fight. "This isn’t worth it!"

Ignoring you, Rafe lunged at John B again, but you stepped in between them, pushing Rafe back with all your strength. "I said, stop it!"

Sarah appeared behind Topper, her face prominent with both frustration and concern. She darted between the fighters, yelling at Rafe and Topper. "Stop it, you idiots! This is so stupid!"

Sarah was still trying to break up the fight, her voice cutting through the air. "Rafe, Topper, knock it off! You're acting like complete assholes!"

Breathing heavily, Rafe finally relented, his eyes still locked on you. He remained silent putting his hands up. Before turning around and walking away he muttered, “Dirty pogues.” You glared back at him, your chest heaving, at a loss for words.

As the thrill from the fight finally died down, everyone began to disperse, the calming party atmosphere now shattered. You turned away from the bonfire, heading toward the beach to clear your head. JJ tried to stop you from leaving telling you to stay with them, all you could do was shake your head, knowing the complexity of your emotions was too much right now. The cool night air did little to calm your racing heart. You began to feel tears prick in your eyes, the emotions of the recent events starting to overtake you. Your chest tightened as you began to silently cry, tears streaming down your face. The alcohol did little to nothing to suppress the storm. 

You were still wondering about Rafe's sudden outburst of emotion aimed toward you. He’s said many rude comments to you in the past about you hanging with the Pogues, and how it’s like you aren’t a real Kook. But never this confrontational. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the drugs. But his anger was more intense, more personal. The same feeling as earlier began to rise, the one you don’t dare to acknowledge, was there another reason for his sudden interest? 

You walked along the shoreline, the sound of the ocean filling your eyes, the waves crashing against the sand. The consistency of the ocean brings you a brief sense of relief from the chaos you were wrapped up in. Despite the beauty around you, the moonlight reflecting on the water, you felt the rage boil inside you, coming with another wave of tears.

Rafe's actions tonight suggested something more, tonight hinted at a complexity you hadn’t quite considered before. You wiped your tears with your arm, frustration continuing to bubble up within you. 

Why did he care so much about who you spent your time with? Why was he always your prying eyes, always judging? The more you ponder these ideas, the more confused you become. You couldn’t deny a spark you felt when he was close, but even if that was true, it was too deeply buried underneath many layers of anger and resentment. 

As you were still deep in your thoughts, staring out into the ocean, looking for some sort of answer, you heard footsteps approaching from behind. You turned to see Rafe following you, his expression unreadable. "Y/N, wait," he called out, his voice softer now, almost vulnerable. 

You crossed your arms, the moonlight glowing over your soft features. Rafe could see your clear hurt expression and tear-stained cheeks. “What could you possibly want Rafe? Haven’t you caused enough trouble tonight” You demanded, despite your voice trembling due to hurt and sorrow

Rafe sighed, looking away, running his hand through his hair, “I don’t know, I don’t know Y/N.” he paused for a second, words hanging heavily between you “Maybe I just… I just wanted to talk”

You scoffed at this almost instantly, and you began to turn around and walk away “You have a weird way of showing it? Insulting me, pushing me, hurting my friends.” you spat back, nothing but bitterness in your voice, unwillingly for him to truly see how deeply his actions hurt you.

But his footsteps continued to follow you, “Please” he pleaded, reaching out to grab your arm gently, causing you to turn around to face him. Your heart skipped a beat despite your anger still present. “Just… give me a chance y/n” 

Your mind raced, surprised by his vulnerability, you paused and looked up into his eyes. In this moment, the resentment you too held for each other seemed to melt away, leaving something raw and unspoken in its place. You hated the way he made you feel so small and judged yet here he was at the same time, his vulnerable voice struck something else in you, making you hesitate. Quickly second guessing if you’d regret giving him a chance to talk to you. Opening the possibility of finding out the motives behind his spite and arrogance. The scene from earlier races across your mind. 

All you could do was mutter softly, “What could you possibly want to talk to me about, Rafe? To hurt me again? To prove that I don’t belong? I thought you made it clear your feelings towards me.” your voice breaking even more with every word. 

Rafe's grip on your arm tightened slightly, just enough for you not to walk away. He took a deep breath, his eyes searching yours. "Y/N, I know I've been a complete asshole. I know I've hurt you and pushed you away, but... it’s because I didn’t know how else to handle this. Handle us."

"Us?" you echoed, confused and overwhelmed.

"Yes, us," he said, stepping closer. "I can't stop thinking about you. It drives me crazy seeing you with them, with the Pogues. I hate it because I... I care about you." You searched his eyes, looking for a sense of truth behind his words. Could it be that all his hostility was masking something deeper he felt?

His confession left you stunned. You had always thought Rafe hated you. Ever since you knew Sarah, Rafe was only rude to you. Rolling his eyes every time he saw you, purposefully causing hell for you on the golf course, yet being overprotective when it came to you hanging with the pogues. These new emotions were a lot to take in, something you’d never think for Rafe Cameron to admit. 

“Why Rafe?” you spoke, your voice still barely above a whisper, “Why do you care so much about who I’m with?”

He hesitated at this, not sure whether to reveal the truth to his bitterness, “Because… because it’s you y/n” his voice finally breaking at his vulnerability, “Because you’re different. You make me feel things I don’t want to feel. I don’t know how to handle this.” 

Before you could process all of it, still looking wide-eyed at Rafe, he leaned in and captured your lips in a kiss. It was soft at first, hesitant, but then it grew more passionate. A knot in your stomach growing, the sensation of his lips felt like none other. You kissed him back, your heart pounding, swearing you never wanted this moment to end. This new side of Rafe was one you never wanted to end. 

Rafe pulled away abruptly, his eyes wide with regret. "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I—" Against your best judgment, you closed the distance again, kissing him more passionately this time. The alcohol must’ve taken over the rational thinking of this situation, the four drinks you had taking its full effect. The moment his lips met yours, a surge of heat spread through your body, making your heart race and your skin tingle. His lips were surprisingly soft, a stark contrast to his usual rough demeanor.

His hands gently cupped your face, his touch both tender and possessive, sending shivers down your spine. Every movement of his lips against yours was intoxicating, drowning out the chaos of the party and the world around you. You could taste the remnants of alcohol on his breath, mingling with a hint of something sweet and entirely Rafe.

As the kiss deepened, you felt a mix of emotions – anger, desire, confusion, and an unexpected tenderness. It was as if all the tension, all the animosity between you, had been building up to this moment, where words were no longer necessary. Your mind struggled to keep up with the rush of feelings, but your body responded instinctively, leaning into him, craving more of his touch.

In that kiss, you felt a vulnerability you had never seen in Rafe before. It was raw and unfiltered, a glimpse into the complex layers beneath his tough exterior. The kiss was a silent confession, a bridge between your worlds that had been divided for so long. It was overwhelming, exhilarating, and left you breathless, with your heart pounding and your mind reeling from the sheer intensity of it all.

You both pulled away from the kiss, both breathless, your head swirling with a mix of new emotions. 

Rafe still noticed your still drunken state, leaving you in no condition to stay alone, “Y/n you shouldn’t be alone right now. Do you want a ride? You can stay the night at my house.” 

Despite your best judgment, you found yourself nodding and smiling. “Sure” is all you could muster out. Even if this was just for one night, you didn’t want these feelings to end. The intimate moment between you and Rafe was far from unexpected, and it was probably the alcohol but hell you didn’t want this night to end. You got out your phone and texted Sarah and the Pogues, letting them know you were getting a ride home and not to wait up for you, telling them you just needed some time to clear your head. You felt guilty for lying to your friends but you couldn’t help but wonder what the night held. 

Rafe led you to his truck, and the cold air flushed against your warm skin. Rafe opened the door for you, his touch lingering on your arm, you climbed in, your mind racing. The car ride was silent, but not awkward. You both stole glances at each other, the kiss and the rush of new emotions lingered in the air between you, heavy with unspoken words and possibilities. You couldn’t help but feel torn. On one hand, you saw a side of Rafe that was genuine and sincere, something that made you want to trust him. His body language, the way he carefully watched the road but still glanced at you, and his words from earlier all hinted at a deeper truth.

On the other hand, you couldn’t shake the nagging guilt and doubt. Trusting Rafe felt like betraying the Pogues, your friends who had been there for you through thick and thin. They despised him, and for good reason. His past actions, the way he treated you and others, loomed large in your mind. Was this a mistake? Would you regret this in the morning?

When you arrived at the Cameron residence, you both carefully and silently made your way up to Rafe's room, you were already familiar with the layout of his house due to being here millions of times hanging out with Sarah. Although despite the numerous hangouts, you have never once been into Rafe's room.

When you entered his room, you weren’t surprised by the size but more taken aback by the simplicity yet authenticity of his room. The smell of his cologne filling your nose, being the main aroma of his room. The room was dominated by a king-sized bed, neatly made with dark blue and grey bedding. In one corner stood a large grey sofa, both the bed and the sofa facing a ginormous TV mounted on the wall. His room was so organized, not a spec of clothing on the floor, it seemed like everything had its place. His dresser took you by the most surprise, it wasn’t even the dresser itself but the picture frames scattered on top of it, Rafe looked happy in all of them, yet again a new side of Rafe you haven’t seen.

Pulled out of your thoughts, Rafe comes back from rummaging through his closet and hands you some spare clothes for you to sleep in. You offered him a warm smile in exchange and made your way to the bathroom to change.

As soon as the bathroom door closed behind you, a surge of conflicting emotions hit you like a wave. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, your face flushed from both the alcohol and the events of the night. Questions and doubts flooded your mind. What were you doing here? Why had you agreed to stay? The uncertainty was eating at your stomach, making your heart race.

You began to change into the clothes Rafe had given you, the feel of the soft fabric against your skin oddly comforting. As you pulled his t-shirt over your head, engrossed by his scent, intensifying your internal conflict. Why did his presence, his touch, and his kiss stir such strong emotions within you?

The memory of the kiss flashed through your mind. The vulnerability you had seen in Rafe, the raw intensity of the moment, it all felt so real. The feeling you didn’t want to acknowledge came rising back, feeling uneasy about facing these emotions. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. You were witnessing a side of Rafe that made you question everything you thought you knew.

Once you emerged for the bathroom noticing Rafe already changed into some grey shorts and an old t-shirt, Rafe looked up and said, “You can have my bed tonight.” His voice was low and tired, “I’ll take the Sofa. I don���t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

You hesitated at his words, feeling a mix of uncertainty and trust. Despite everything, despite your best judgment and all the hatred you’ve had towards Rafe for years, it all seemed to fade in that moment, you found yourself shyly saying, “Can you sleep in the bed, please? It’s a big bed, plus it would make me feel safer.”

Partially knowing your need to feel safe was a lie, you felt a deeper pull in your gut—a need for his presence. Rafe paused at your response, searching your eyes for any sign of doubt, “Are you sure y/n?”

You nodded at him reassuring him of your answer. Rafe turned off the lights, only the moon illuminating a path to the bed. Both of you got into the bed, lying down side by side. The silence was thick with unspoken words and new feelings, and the room was charged with the intensity of the night’s events. The bed felt enormous with the space left between you, a sharp contrast from your previous closeness.

Lying there, you could feel the heat radiating from his body, a tangible reminder of how close he was. Your mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, trying to process everything that had happened. You had always seen Rafe as the enemy, the source of your frustrations, but now he was something different, something you couldn't quite define. The kiss tonight felt like it changed everything you thought you knew about him. You saw Rafe with lots of girls at parties but never seen him touch them or kiss them the way he did to you. 

Rafe turned to you, interrupting your thoughts, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to hurt you tonight. I just... I don't know how to deal with these feelings. I’m sorry"

You turned towards him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes despite the darkness. "Rafe, why now? Why tonight?" The alcohol seemed to be fading from your system.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and over his face, clearly still confused with his emotions, "I don't know. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's just everything catching up to me. But when I saw you tonight, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You looked beautiful tonight y/n, I’ve tried to push it away, but I can’t anymore."

Your heart pounded in your chest, the weight of his words sinking in. You reached out, your fingers brushing against his. "Rafe, this is all so confusing. I've always thought you hated me. I’ve been friends with Sarah for so long, and all you ever did was give me death glares"

Rafe shook his head, his hand closing around yours. "I never hated you, Y/N. I was just too scared to admit how I felt. And I didn’t know how to deal with it. The truth is I’ve always liked you. You’re gorgeous y/n, I can never keep my eyes off of you." You could tell this was hard for him to admit, not being of the emotional type, but his confession tugged at your heartstrings. 

The raw honesty in his voice stirred something deep within you. Before you could stop yourself, you leaned in, capturing his lips in another kiss. He wrapped his hand around your waist pulling you closer. Your hand resting on the back of his neck, feeling the tension in his muscles. This kiss was softer, and more tender, but still charged with the same intensity and emotions as before. 

Rafe pulled back slightly, his forehead resting against yours. "I'm sorry," he murmured, his breath warm against your lips. "I didn’t mean to complicate things."

You shook your head, a small smile tugging at your lips. "It's okay, Rafe. Maybe we both needed this."

Rafe's hands cupped your face, reconnecting your lips with a deeper kiss, and you felt a shiver run down your spine. The kiss was more than just a kiss; it was a confession, a release of everything you both had been holding back. You could feel the desperation in his touch, the way his fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you closer.

"Y/N," he murmured against your lips, his voice raw with emotion. "I need you."

The words sent a chill through you, and you responded with equal intensity. "I need you too, Rafe. I want you” 

He could feel the warmth of your body through his fingertips, a reminder of how vulnerable this moment was. His hands were steady, yet there was a slight tremor, betraying the storm of emotions he was feeling. Rafe slept with women before but it was never a feeling like this, he never felt nervous. 

As he slid your shirt off your shoulders, his eyes never left yours. There was a softness in his gaze, a silent question asking if this was truly okay. When you nodded, the trust in your eyes sent a wave of relief and gratitude through him. His touch grew bolder, his fingers trailing down your sides, savoring the feel of your skin.

When he finally reached the waistband of your pants, Rafe paused, taking a deep breath. This was it—the point of no return. He met your gaze again, searching for any sign of hesitation, but found only the same longing mirrored in your eyes. Slowly, he pulled your pants down, his hands skimming your legs, committing every detail to memory, not knowing if this moment would happen again. Rafe's breath hitched as he took in the sight of you, every inch of you in this intimate moment. 

"You're beautiful," he murmured, his voice filled with sincerity

Rafe's heart raced as he stood back to take in the sight of you, fully exposed and completely trusting. There was a deep sense of awe mixed with desire, It was a connection, a moment of raw honesty between two people who had spent so long hiding their true feelings. He was nervous, not wanting to mess up this chance to show you how he truly felt, and that nervousness translated into gentleness. As he leaned in to kiss you again, his hands exploring your body with newfound confidence, he felt a surge of emotion he couldn't quite put into words—a mix of fear and excitement. 

At that moment, Rafe realized just how much he wanted this, and wanted you, and he vowed to himself that he would make this night unforgettable for both of you.

As Rafe reached for the hem of his shirt, you felt a rush of anticipation mixed with butterflies in your stomach. The reality of the situation hit you all at once, making your heart race, but you’ve never wanted him so badly. When Rafe lifted his shirt over his head, revealing his toned chest and muscular arms, you couldn't help but stare. The moonlight filtering through the window highlighted the contours of his body, casting shadows that emphasized his athletic build.

Your hands instinctively reached out to touch him, your fingers tracing the lines of his muscles. His skin was warm and smooth under your touch, and you could feel the subtle quiver in his body, betraying his nervousness. As you explored his chest with your hands, you were overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. There was a deep, unspoken understanding between you, a silent acknowledgment of the complexity of your relationship. You didn’t know if this feeling would be there tomorrow, both of you silently promising to make the most of tonight. 

Your breath hitched as you moved closer, pressing your body against his. The feel of his skin against yours was intoxicating, heightening your senses and deepening the connection between you. Every kiss and every touch was filled with a newfound intensity, a reflection of the passion and desire that had been simmering beneath the surface for so long.

In that moment, you realized just how much you wanted this, wanted him. All the years of misunderstanding seemed to fade away, replaced by a powerful need to be close to him, to understand him in a way you never had before. As you lost yourselves in each other, you felt a sense of completeness, as if this was where you were meant to be all along.

Rafe's hands roamed over your body, exploring every inch with a hunger that matched your own. You arched into his touch, your breaths coming in short, sharp gasps as he found all the right spots. It was overwhelming, the sheer intensity of it all, but you didn’t want it to stop. Rafe broke the kiss and began slowly trailing down your neck, his mouth latching onto your breast, swirling your nipple, flicking and sucking, while his other hand cupped your other breast, kneading and teasing until you were a quivering mess beneath him.

He seemed to know exactly how to drive you wild, alternating between gentle caresses and firm, deliberate touches. His hand slowly trailed down your stomach, fingers brushing over your sensitive skin, before finally slipping between your thighs. You gasped as he found your entrance, his fingers stroking and circling, applying just the right amount of pressure.

Rafe's mouth never left your breast as he continued to pleasure you with his hand, his fingers moving in and out in a rhythm that matched the quickening beat of your heart. He added another finger, stretching and filling you, his thumb expertly finding your most sensitive spot. The combined sensations of his mouth on your breast and his hand between your legs sent you spiraling toward the edge. 

Just as you were about to tip over into bliss, he stopped abruptly, pulling his hand away. A whine escaped your lips, craving his touch once again. As scanned your eyes from approval one last time, he lined himself up with your entrance. With a gentle touch, Rafe guided himself into you, both of you gasping at the sensation. He moved slowly at first, giving you time to adjust, but soon the urgency took over, and his movements became faster, more desperate. The room was filled with the sounds of your mingled moans and the rhythmic slap of skin against skin. 

Pressing his body deeper into yours, you felt instant pleasure. You could see in his eyes that he felt it too—the same overwhelming pleasure, the same intense connection. You swore on your life you never felt something as good as his. Your moans filled the air and he picked up the pace. Rafe has never felt so exposed, yet so open to another person. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you closer as if he couldn’t bear to be even an inch away from you. The intensity of it all was almost too much to bear, but you didn’t want it to stop.

You lost track of time, the world outside fading away until there was only the two of you. Every thrust sent waves of pleasure through you, building higher and higher until you felt like you might explode. Rafe's name spilled from your lips, laced with need and desire. You could feel him getting close, his movements becoming more erratic.

With a final, powerful thrust, you both came undone, your bodies trembling with the intensity of your release. The climax washed over you in waves, each more intense than the last, leaving you breathless and completely satisfied. Rafe collapsed beside you, pulling you into his arms as you both tried to catch your breath. His chest rose and fell rapidly, matching the frantic beat of your own heart as you clung to each other.

The silence was filled with a new kind of intimacy, the kind that comes from sharing something profound. As your breathing slowly returned to normal, you became aware of the lingering warmth of his body against yours, and the sound of his heartbeat beneath your ear. It was a moment of pure bliss, that you wished could last forever.

You could feel Rafe's fingers gently stroking your back, his touch tender and reassuring. The connection between you felt stronger than ever, a bond forged not just in passion, but a sense of trust that had developed between you. A feeling you had never experienced before, a sense of completeness that made you never want to leave his side. Your mind couldn’t help but drift to the complexity of your relationship and the uncertainties that the future held. You tried to push the worries to the back of your mind, savoring the moment of how his body felt against yours.

As you drifted off to sleep, Rafe’s arms wrapped around you protectively, you couldn’t help but wonder what this meant for the two of you. You knew that this moment was fleeting, that the reality of your complicated relationship would come crashing back in the morning, but for now, you allowed yourself to savor the feeling of being close to him. You held onto a string of hold that maybe, this could last.

--——----------————- ❥・-------------------------

Chapter 2

Please like and repost so I know to post more chapters:)🫶 Thank you for reading!

[pixie-ass]

Kill Kill

Diego Sheen x F!Reader

Summary- Lizzy Grant's, 'Kill Kill'.

"I'm in love with a dying man." - Reader and Diegos' life as Diegos' illness slowly eats away at him.

!Warnings!- Smut, they do indeed get freaky, reader rides Diego, submissive Diego. Also depressing topics, emotional rollercoaster.

Diego stumbled in and collapsed on the couch. He was drunk again. Y/n sighed as she watched his drunken state, crawling over to him, attempting to cuddle, she laid her head on his shoulder. Placing her hand on his chest she softly spoke, "Hi baby." He let out a soft chuckle as he took a swig from his bottle of whisky. His gaze landed on her, a smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. The alcohol seemed to loosen him up somewhat, though his usual sarcastic attitude remained. "Ain't ya a sight for sore eyes?” She smiled up at him, leaning in and planting a small kiss on the corner of his mouth. Y/n knew where he'd gone, what he did, but as much as she disliked his lifestyle, she let him be, knowing he didn't have long. 

"Any luck at the machines?" He snickered in response, lifting the bottle to his lips and taking another drink. His eyes flicked down to her as he let out a satisfied sigh, a small grin gracing his features. As his free hand came up to toy with her hair, he gave you a nod. "Always have luck at the machines, darlin'. Found some money for us, and I got somethin' else too.” 

"What's that?" She hummed, her head pushing against his warm hand unconsciously. He continued to lazily play with her hair, the alcohol making his movements more lazy and relaxed than usual. A coy smirk played at the corner of his lips, his eyes fixed on hers. There was something in his gaze, something he wanted to tell her but he looked uncertain for the moment. "Guess you'll just have to wait and find out, angel,” 

"Aw, c'mon don't be like that. Just show me." She quietly giggled, hitting his chest with the backside of her hand lightly. He chuckled as she playfully did so, the smirk growing into a wide grin. His fingers continued to absentmindedly toy with a strand of her hair, his eyes never leaving hers. However, a hint of uncharacteristic vulnerability flickered across his gaze for a brief moment before disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. "All in good time, sweetheart. Ain't no need to rush it.”

Y/n sighed, leaning into his shoulder more, folding her legs underneath her to get more comfortable.  "Maybe.." She whispered out, she knew he was sick, knew he didn't have much longer, him talking of a future always jabbed at her heart.  Leaning forward, grabbing a box of Camels from the coffee table, Y/n plucked one, placing it between her lips. Holding the box up to him, he hummed in response. He watched as you took a cigarette, his own hand coming to the box and pulling one out for himself. His arm wrapping around you and pulling you closer as he lazily continued to toy with your hair. A smug grin ghosted over his lips as he spoke, his gaze fixed on the ceiling above. "Yer gettin' as bad as I am, darlin'," he drawled, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Guess people do pick up things from the ones they love." She mumbled as she lit it, letting out a small puff. Y/n was sure after he'd be gone, she'd keep smoking, being the only aspect of him she'd have, apart from memories. He inhaled deeply as he lit his own, the smoke slowly escaping from his lips in a steady stream. He let out a soft chuckle, the fingers that were once playing with her hair now tracing small circles along her arm. "Reckon that makes me a bad influence, doesn't it?" He remarked in his usual mocking tone, the playfulness in his eyes returning. “My mama would agree." Y/n chuckled, letting out another drag as she laid her head on his chest.

His heartbeat was accelerated as it usually was nowadays. He smelled of the cologne he'd sprayed before leaving, mixed with cigarettes, booze, and his usual smell. It was comforting. Y/n found herself zoning out as she smoked. He snickered, the arm wrapped around her gently tugging her closer to him. His fingers continued to absentmindedly trace soft circles along her skin as his other hand took another drink from the bottle of liquor. From the rise and fall of his chest, she could faintly hear the sound of his labored breathing. However, he made no mention of it. "If yer mama knew 'bout me, she'd chase me out with a pitchfork.” As if not listening, Y/n stayed zoned out. The only thing moving was her hand, bringing the cigarette to her lips. 

"Baby, what am I gonna do..." She didn't want or mean to sour the moment, but it was all her poor mind could think about. He glanced down at her for a moment, taking in her distant expression. When he spoke, his tone had lost its playful lilt, replaced by a gentleness that was usually reserved for late nights and private moments. He let out a small sigh, his free hand coming up to toy with her hair again, his fingers gently running through the strands.

"What do ya mean what are ya gonna do? You'll keep goin', angel'. Just like ya always have.” Y/n could feel her eyes begin to fill up with tears, her throat feeling like it was gonna close. 

"Baby, I'll miss you. I couldn't go on without you... I just couldn't." A terrifying thought had struck her mind, leave him before he goes. As her voice trembled with tears and desperation, he looked down at her, his own heart clenching tightly in his chest as he saw the pain in her sweet eyes. The realization of what she was saying struck him like a knife, and without a word, he pulled her onto his lap, his arms wrapping around her, holding her tightly against him.

"Don't talk like that, darlin'. Yer not gettin' rid of me that easily. I ain't goin' anywhere right now.” She let him hold her, head burying into his chest as she began to weep like a child. Holding onto him like he was her lifeline. 

His words weren't a promise. Neither of them was sure how long he had, and his coughing was becoming more frequent. His health was deteriorating at an alarmingly painful rate.

He held her tightly in his arms, his hand moving to the back of her head as he pressed her head against his chest, his fingers gently running through her hair in an attempt to soothe her crying. "Shhh...it's alright, sweetheart. It's alright.." He spoke softly, his voice barely above a whisper. The sound of his labored breaths did nothing to reassure him of his own words as he pressed his lips against the top of your head, pulling her closer to him. 

That night, Y/n fell asleep in the comfort of his arms. Knowing that at least for that night, it'd all be fine, almost normal. She could enjoy what little time they had left. He held her close, his arms wrapping tightly around her as he rested his chin against the top of her head. Despite the illness that was slowly eating away at him, the alcohol he'd consumed made everything feel okay for the moment. The sound of his heart beat against her ear, the rise and fall of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled in a steady rhythm. For a moment, everything felt normal. But both of them knew it was only temporary. 

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

The next morning, Y/n woke up in their shared bed. Diego must have brought her over. Like always, the bed was empty, but Y/n knew where to find him. 

Getting out of the bed, she pulled on one of Diegos' black button ups and slipped on some Levi's, not caring much for appearance at the moment. She walked into the kitchen grabbing some coffee before heading out to the porch where Diego sat, smoking a cigarette and drinking his coffee. She sat down next to him. Diego leaned back in the seat, the usual smoldering cigarette dangling from his lips and nearly halfway burned down to the filter. His eyes were fixed on the scenery before him as he slowly sipped from his coffee, the usual calm and collected expression on his face as he appeared to be contemplating something.

He glanced her way as she came to sit beside him, his eyes roaming over her form, taking in the shirt she was wearing and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "Mornin', darlin'.” 

"Morning, baby." Y/n responded as she sipped on her coffee, staring out at the empty desert view. The smell of cigarettes filled her senses, the same comfort taking over. 

"What are you gonna do today?" She asked, as she did so, Diego began to get into one of his coughing fits. He took another drag from his cigarette before placing it on the ashtray beside him, his hand coming to cover his mouth as the coughing attacked his chest. It took him a few minutes to regain his composure, his breathing labored and shallow as he leaned back against the seat.

"I was plannin' on headin' into town. Gotta see a friend about somethin'. Nothin' too interestin'," he responded, his tone nonchalant as if the coughing hadn't even happened. Y/n stared at him, a sympathetic yet saddened look on her face. Letting out a small sigh to gain her composure, she did the same, "Aw okay. Ya want me to stay here?" He noticed the sympathetic, sad look on her face, and he let out a gruff sigh, his shoulders slouching a bit.

"Yeah, darlin'. Just stay here. No need for ya to come with," he said gently, his usual rough exterior softening somewhat as he reached over and placed a hand on her knee, giving it a light squeeze. Y/n nodded in response, "I'll make us a nice supper. Something you'll love." She smiled at him, yet there was a sad look in her eyes and tone. Quickly glancing down at her cup of coffee, she stared down at it like it was something impressive. He could see the sadness in her eyes, the forced smile on her face was a bit too obvious, but he didn't comment on it. Instead, he patted her knee lightly a final time before pulling his hand away.

"That'd be nice. Can't wait, but ya know ya dont gotta do that, angel," he said in his usual casual tone, trying to make it seem like everything was fine. He lifted his coffee to his lips and took another sip, his gaze shifting back to the scenery in front of him as the silence settled in between them. "I want to. It's no hassle. it gives me something to do." Something to distract my mind. 

•••

That evening, Y/n kissed Diego goodbye, watching as he began coughing, spitting on the ground before he got in his truck. He was becoming more worrisome, but he was stubborn, said he didn't need help. The disease was progressing faster and faster, and it was becoming more obvious each time she saw him. But still, as stubborn as ever, he shook away any concerns Y/n expressed with a wave of his hand and a gruff assurance. He climbed into the truck, giving Y/n a nod before starting up the engine and driving away. The clouds of dust and exhaust billowing behind the truck as it drove off down the dirt road and out of sight. As Y/n walked into the house, she sat down at a little desk Diego had gotten her when she moved in. She opened up her small journal, beginning to rapidly scribbled away.

'I'm in love with a dying man, I've done everything I can. Love him, I do, stay much longer I'm not sure if I can. Scared I won't be able to stay to watch the stars fade from his eyes.'

After she closed the journal, she broke down, crying into her hands. Of course, the one man Y/n had really fallen in love with had such a promising demise.

The silence in the small lonely house was interrupted only by the sound of Y/n's quiet sobs as she sat at the desk, pouring her thoughts and worries into the journal. The clock ticked on lazily, the sound the only other form of comfort in the otherwise silent house.

•••

The sky slowly darkened as the sun began to set, casting shadows over the small little home that sat out in the middle of the desert. The sound of a truck and dust clouds approaching signaled Diego's return. Shortly after, the sound of the front door opening and closing followed as he walked inside. Y/n stood up from the kitchen table. Walking over to the door, she opened her arms as she jumped up and embraced him, welcoming him home. Diego accepted her embrace, feeling the warmth of her body against his own and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight for a moment before letting go. A wide smile was plastered on her face as she led him into the kitchen by the hand.

"Made ya some yummy steak and potatoes just how ya like em. Hope it's good." He nodded in thanks as Y/n led him into the kitchen, his eyes scanning over the meal she’d prepared for the two of them.

Y/n  smiled as she began grabbing some plates. Her nose was red from all the crying she'd done previously, voice a bit nazily. Y/n hoped Diego hadn't noticed. But of course he had noticed the redness and slight congestion in her voice, and he furrowed his eyebrows in concern. He could tell that she'd been crying, but he didn't say anything as he took a seat at the table. "Looks delicious, darlin'.” Y/n’s smile widened as she served him a full plate of potatoes and steak, setting it in front of him. He let out a content sigh as she placed the meal in front of him, his eyes roaming over the food for a moment before glancing up at her, admiringly.

"Made some nice lemonade, too." Serving him a cup of it too, she placed it in front of him.  Y/n quickly grabbed her own plate as she sat down across from him. Diego's stomach rumbled as the scent of the meal filled his nostrils.  "It smells great. Thank you, darlin'." He picked up his fork and began digging into the meal, letting out a satisfied hum as the flavors burst across his tongue. The simple meal was made all the better by the fact that Y/n had cooked it for him. She watched as he ate, happy he was enjoying it. Y/n took a bite aswell, congratulating herself about how good she had done. 

"How'd it go with you, friend?" If Y/n was any other woman, she'd probably question his outings to the casino and with friends, but Y/n trusted she was the only woman he was seeing. Diego took another bite of the steak, savoring the tenderness of the meat and the seasonings used. As he chewed, he looked up at Y/n and nodded his head in appreciation, swallowing before responding to her question.

"It was alright. Nothing too excitin', just caught up with the locals and had a drink or two." His response was casual, as if it was nothing to worry about. And it wasn't anything to worry about, of course. Y/n had nothing to be concerned about when it came to him. She smiled as she took another bite, nodding, "That's good baby, hope ya enjoyed yourself." And she really did. Y/n wanted him to have the best while he could. Diego smiled at her words, touched by her concern for his happiness despite the situation. He knew that Y/n wanted him to make the most out of the time he had left, and he appreciated it more than he could say.

"Sure did, darlin'. The locals always make for fun conversation, even if they don't make any damn sense half the time." He chuckled, taking a bite of mashed potatoes. Y/n let out a giggle at that, "I'm surprised you can even understand them." The locals' hick accents were so thick it sounded like gibberish half the time. Diego let out a hearty chuckle, leaning back in his seat as he thought about the town locals. "Yeah, sometimes it's like tryin' to understand a damn foreign language. But ya get used to it after a while. Plus, they've got some wild stories to tell, and that makes it worth it most of the time.” 

"Yeah, I bet they do." Y/n responded, biting her food. She took a sip of her drink, she felt fine yet still felt a great wave of somberness. As if on cue, Diego began another fit of violent coughs. Though this one looked much worse that it had Y/n standing up. Diego doubled over in his seat as the coughing attack tore through his body, the violent spasms wracking his frame. He covered his mouth with a napkin, trying to muffle the sound, but there was no hiding the raw, hacking coughs that wracked his body. She watched him cover his mouth with a napkin and after the fit was over he pulled the napkin away, he saw blood staining the fabric and his heart sank. He quickly tried to hide it so she wouldn't see, but it was too late. 

Quickly stuffing the napkin into his pocket, Y/n had already seen it. And that was the last straw for her. "I can't do this anymore, Diego!.." She stood up, beginning to cry hysterically. "I can't keep living like nothing is wrong. You're getting worse day by day for fucks sake. Now... Now this! I can't! I can't anymore!." She tightly gripped onto her hair with her hands as she paced around the room, hard sobs racking her body as she hiccuped. Diego's eyes widened in surprise at Y/n's yelling, the sudden outburst unexpected. He remained seated, watching as she paced around the room and sobbed hysterically, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest at the sight. He knew he was hurting her, that the situation was taking its toll on both of them, but he was stubborn and had refused to acknowledge it.

"Dammit, stop it. It's not that bad," he said firmly, trying to downplay the severity, though his voice wavered ever so slightly. "Not that bad?? Not that bad, huh? Now you're coughing up blood! Blood, Diego!" Y/n yanked the napkin from his hands, her own shaky hands holding it as she showed him, before staring down at it herself and throwing it on the ground. Diego winced as she grabbed the napkin and showed it to him, the sight of the blood staining the white fabric a harsh reality check. Y/n could only cry, "Diego, you're not fine! " She knew what this meant. The time was getting closer. There was no future for them. He clenched his jaw, his expression hardening as he fought back the emotions welling up inside him.

"I know I'm not fine, sweetheart," he said gruffly, his voice gravelly as he struggled to maintain his composure. "But there's not much I can do about it, is there?” That was the worst part. There was nothing him or Y/n could do to change the situation or magically cure him. 

"And that's what's killing me! I'm watching you die, Diego! Do you get that? And there's nothing I can do to fix that, I can't cure you with love or comfort or anything. We're both just waiting, and it's eating away at me!" Diego sat there in silence, listening to her words. They cut deep, hitting him like a punch to the gut. He knew she was right, that there was nothing he could do to change the fate that was closing in on him. The realization of it all was devastating, and he felt powerless.

"Believe me, darlin'," he said in a voice barely above a whisper, his throat tight with emotion, "I ain't exactly enjoying it myself, ya know?” Y/n stared at him in silence, unmoving. Her expression had changed in a split second to one that was unreadable. "I'm leaving." She responded, breaking the silence, sniffling and wiping at her eyes as she spoke. Diego felt his heart sink further as the words left her mouth. He hadn't expected them, and the prospect of Y/n leaving hit him hard.

"What do ya mean, you're leavin'?" He sat up straight in his seat, his expression filled with a mix of shock and dread. "I can't stay here and wait for you to die, Diego. I'd rather leave now, that I see you still alive and breathing than watch you stop breathing and live with that engraved in my head. I love you, really I do, but I can't stay here anymore." Y/n began heading to the bedroom before she let him respond. 

"Dammit, stop. You can't just leave!" Diego was on his feet in an instant, a surge of desperation coursing through him as he followed after her into the bedroom. His voice was firm, pleading even, as he tried to reason with her.

"You ain't leavin' me. Please, angel. Don't do this. I need ya.” Y/n was in the room, packing her bags with the few clothes and items she had. She was crying as she heard his voice. Barely able to see what she was doing through the tears.  "Diego please don't make this harder.." Diego stood in the doorway, watching as she fumbled through packing her belongings, tears streaming down her face. The sight broke him. He knew how much this was hurting Y/n, how much it was hurting both of them, but he couldn't let her go. Not like this.

"Then don't leave," he pleaded, his voice cracking with emotion. "Stay with me. I don't wanna be alone. Not now.” Y/n turned around, staring at his face. He looked broken, more than he already had, and it completely shattered her heart, his words, his face. 

"I cant...stay..." was it selfish of her? Maybe. Diego watched as she turned to face him, his expression filled with a mixture of despair and desperation. He knew she were determined to leave, that she couldn't stay any longer, but hearing her say it was more painful than he could ever have prepared himself for. The thought of losing her, of being alone in his final days, was a torment that he couldn't bear.

He stepped closer to her, his voice now pleading. "Please, darlin'. I'm beggin' ya. Don't go. I need ya. I don't-" He choked back a sob.  Y/n looked at the ground, feeling conflicted. She couldn't help the new round of cries that were coming. She bit her lip to hold back the sobs, tears flowing down her cheeks. She didn't respond. 

Diego watched as she looked down, tears streaming down her face. He could see the conflict in her eyes, the pain and indecision. The sound of her sobs filled the room, each one like a dagger to his heart. He took another step closer, reaching out to take her hand in his, desperate to find the right words to make Y/n stay. "I know it's hard," he said softly, his voice wavering. "But you can't do this to me. You can't leave me now.”

"It's not fair..." She quietly responded. "You're gonna leave me. Soon." Diego's grip on her hand tightened at those words, the raw emotion in her voice making his own throat constrict with emotion. He knew it was true, that he was going to die, but hearing her say it out loud made it all the more real, all the more painful. "I know it ain't fair," he said in a pained whisper. "Believe me, the thought of leaven' ya alone, it's killin' me... but I can't change that. Please, angel. Ya gotta stay. I need ya by my side.” Y/n only nodded as she let herself fall into his chest, head leaning against his shoulder. She couldn't help the continued sobs that left her body. She'd stay until his final breath. It was the curse of loving a dying man.

Diego wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her close against his chest. He could feel the force of her sobs as they shook her body, each one a reminder of the pain and grief that both of them were going through. He held her there in silence for a moment, his own emotions threatening to overflow. When he spoke, his voice was thick and rough with emotion. "I'm so damn sorry for puttin' ya through this, angel. I never wanted-" His voice broke, and he swallowed hard. 

"Don't. It's not your fault. I know." Y/n whispered out. She didn't want to hear more, she wanted to keep pretending like they had, like everything was good. Diego nodded, his arms still tight around her, grateful for her understanding. He knew she was holding back her own pain and grief, fighting to keep up the façade of normalcy, and he was thankful for it.

He rested his chin atop Y/n’s head, holding her close and relishing the warmth of her body against his. He whispered softly into her ear. "Thank you... I ain't deserve ya. But I'm sure as hell damn glad I got ya.”

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵

The next few days were spent well. Filled with lots of memories, gun-shooting, horseback riding, gambling, and lots, and lots of sex. 

They were staying at a hotel in Las Vegas right now. It was late at night. They both laid in bed after a long day of gambling. Ever since Diego had coughed up blood, it'd only happened 2 times more after that, but the regular fits were getting a bit more frequent. Diego and Y/n were lying beside one another on the bed in the hotel room, the room dark except for the faint glow of the Vegas lights filtering through the curtains. The sounds of the city outside could be heard, but they were muffled and distant, almost like a hum in the background.

Diego lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, his mind wandering. The coughs had gotten worse, and he felt tired... so damn tired. But he didn't want to worry you, not now, not when they were spending their last days together. Y/n laid there, head on Diego's chest as she stared out the covered windows at the bright lights.  She stared at him, he seemed tired, stamina not comparable to her anymore. She planted a kiss on his chest as she stared up at him as he smoked his cigarette.

Diego smoked away at his cigarette as she rested her head on his chest, his free hand gently stroking her hair. He could feel her gaze on him, and it made him want to hide the exhaustion and pain he felt. Instead, he tried to focus on the sensations of her head on his chest and the way her hair felt beneath his fingers. "Whatcha lookin' at, angel?"  He muttered, his voice gravelly with smoke and fatigue.  "The most handsome man in the world." Y/n responded, not taking her eyes off of him. Y/n slightly sat up, planting another kiss on his neck, then going up to his jaw. Diego chuckled softly at her words, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his lips. He leaned his head back to give Y/n better access, enjoying the sensation of her lips against his skin.

"Charmer," He murmured, the sound of his voice rough and low. He took a drag from his cigarette, the smoke curling upwards in the dim light of the room. Y/n leaned back, leaning her head towards his hand that held the cigarette, motioning towards it so he'd give her a puff. Diego tilted the cigarette in her direction, bringing it to her lips. He watched as Y/n took a drag from it, the tip of the cigarette glowing orange in the dim light, and let the smoke slowly slip from her mouth. "Careful, darlin'," he said, the smile growing on his lips. "Don't go gettin' addicted on me now.” Y/n let out a small giggle, the rest of the smoke escaping. She planted a long kiss on his lips before pulling back. Y/n shifted under the blankets, so that she was now straddling his torso. Diego's breath hitched as she straddled him, feeling her body on top of his. He reached up to place his hands on her hips, holding her in place. She placed her hands on his chest as she leaned in for another long kiss. He deepened the kiss, savoring the feeling of her lips against his own, his tongue exploring her mouth hungrily.

He felt himself growing aroused, the familiar heat spreading through his body, but he kept his focus on the kiss, not wanting to break the moment. They'd already had some rounds, but Diegos' age and condition made him tire quicker, while Y/n still had plenty left in her. She moaned into the kiss, never growing tired of his taste. Diego responded to Y/n’s moan with a low growl, his hands moving up from her hips to grip firmer on her waist. He could feel her moving against him, the heat building between them, but his body was betraying him, growing tired and exhausted from the day's activities and the relentless progression of the disease.

He broke the kiss, panting heavily, his eyes locking on hers. "Angel," he breathed out, his voice hoarse, "I ain't gonna keep up with ya if we don't take a break.”

"One more round, cmon... pretty please.." Y/n begged as she pouted, giving him pleading doe eyes, "I'll go gentle on ya.” Diego let out a laugh, the sound thick with lust and exhaustion. He could feel his body respond to her plea, but he fought against the need, knowing he was too tired to keep up with her enthusiasm.

"Damnit, darlin'. You're playin' dirty." He grunted, his grip on her hips still firm but shaky. "Ya know I can't say no to those eyes and that damn pout.” Y/n smiled as she moved her hips down to his own pelvic region. They were both already ready, so it was easy to slip him in. Y/n let out a low groan as she quickly bottomed out, never growing tired of him. Diego groaned loudly as she lowered herself onto him, the sensation intense and overwhelming. She gently and slowly moved her hips. He clenched his jaw, his body responding to her movements despite the exhaustion that threatened to take over.

He looked up at Y/n, his eyes dark with desire, and he fought the urge to thrust up into her. Instead, he held onto her hips, letting Y/n control the pace, his fingers digging into her skin in an effort to hold back. "God damn, angel," he breathed, his voice rough and ragged. 

"Shh... I got this, baby." Y/n gently rolled her hips against him, watching his expressions. She held onto his chest as she did so. Diego watched her with a mix of desire and a hint of irritation at being told to "shh." But as Y/n rolled her hips against him, he let out a guttural moan, his head falling back against the pillow as he surrendered to the feel of her on top of him. He dug his fingers into her hips, his grip tight as he fought the urge to pull her down harder onto him, to take over and set his own pace. Instead, he let Y/n continue the slow, gentle rhythm, his breath hitching with each movement. As Y/n continued, she sped up a bit, pushing harder down onto him so he'd hit a bit deeper. She let out a small whimper at each gentle thrust, "You're doing so good, baby.." Y/n  whispered out. 

Diego felt himself growing dizzier with each thrust, the pleasure mixed with the exhaustion making it increasingly difficult to stay focused. But the sound of Y/n’s voice, the praise in her words, it fueled him forward, and he dug his fingers deeper into her hip, wanting more of Y/n, always more. "Angel..," he panted, his voice low and strained. "I'm... I'm not- Gonna last... much longer-” Y/n bit her lip as she continued the hard yet slow rhythm, leaning down and planting kisses on Diego's neck, placing small nibbles in between. 

Diego moaned loudly, his head tilted back to give her better access to his neck, his body trembling with each kiss and bite she left on his skin. The pace she was keeping was driving him mad, the slow, hard thrusts bringing him closer and closer to the edge, but also denying him the release he craved. "Fuuucckk," he growled, his voice guttural and thick with need. "Don't... don't stop. Please, don't stop.” Y/n took that as a hint to speed up a bit, which she did, adding just enough pressure. Diego arched his back as she increased the pace, a low growl ripping from his throat. The added pressure made his head spin, and he felt his body nearing the breaking point.

"That good, baby?"  Y/n asked as she continued to kitten lick his neck. He was so close, so damn close, and he knew there was no holding back now. "Yeah, darlin', that's it," he panted, his voice ragged. "You're gonna... you're gonna make me..." He couldn't finish the sentence, his words becoming lost in a moan as the pleasure threatened to consume him. "Go ahead, baby.." Y/n gently ran a hand over his cheek, "Such a handsome boy, and all mine too." Y/n cooed as she continued. She bit her lip to hold back her own moans. Diego felt his body tense as she spoke, her words and touch tipping him over the edge. He let out a strangled gasp, his fingers digging into her hips as he found his release, his body shuddering as the pleasure washed over him.

He was lost in the wave of ecstasy, his eyes closing as he rode it out. When he finally came down, he opened his eyes to stare up at Y/n, panting and shaky. "Fuck, Angel…," he breathlessly muttered. Y/n kissed him as he released, though her movements didn't pause even after his release. Diego kissed back, his lips hungrily meeting hers, his hands trailing up to her chest as he lost himself in the aftermath of his climax.

"Diego's baby has to cum too, hm?" She sat up, rocking her hips continuously. He groaned as Y/n continued to rock her hips rather harshly, the oversensitivity making him shiver. "God, you're gonna kill me, woman," he panted, his voice a mixture of pleasure and pain. "I'm... I'm still recoverin' here.” Y/n ignored his pleas, focusing on getting herself off. She kept bouncing herself back and forth, now at a much more rapid pace, throwing her head back. Diego watched as Y/n rode him mercilessly, her pace quickening and head falling back, exposing the smooth column of her throat. His hands moved back to her hips, trying to get Y/n to slow down, but his touch was weak and shaky, his body still trying to recover from his own release. "Darlin', slow down," he panted, his voice ragged. "I'm not... I'm not gonna be any good to you like this.”

"Nah baby...fuck.." Y/n moaned out in response, "you're fucking perfect. " Y/n was now quietly moaning, almost small whimpers as she continued riding him harshly. Diego bit back a moan as Y/n continued the brutal pace, his grip on her hips tightening in an effort to get her to slow down. One of her hands slid down to massage her clit, causing the feeling to grow as she let out much louder moans. 

"Dammit, angel, You're... You're gonna break me," he grunted, his voice thick with pleasure and fatigue. "I ain't as young as I used to be. I... I can't keep up with ya.” As Y/n massaged herself, she could feel herself getting close, "C'mon old man... quite whining." She teased as she shut her eyes, mouth falling open. Diego let out a growl at getting called an "old man," a mixture of irritation and amusement in his expression. He knew he was fighting a losing battle, his body still exhausted and spent.

"Watch it, darlin'," he warned between gasp, his voice a low rumble. "I can still give yer pretty little ass a lesson on manners.” To shut him up, Y/n began thrusting harder, feeling her high coming fast. Her jaw dropped as she let out a loud stream of whimpers, making a mess all over Diego's cock as she came hard. Diego groaned loudly as you came, the sound of your whimpers driving him crazy.  As Y/n came, she continued moving her hips through it. He clenched his jaw as she rode him through it, the oversensitivity making his body quiver. Finally she crumbled onto Diego's chest as she caught her breath, still seeing stars. He wrapped his arms around Y/n, holding her close to him as he panted, his breath ragged as well. 

"Hell of a way to shut me up," he muttered, his voice gravelly and breathless. Y/n stayed quiet as she panted, body shivering as the only sound she was able to get out was heavy pants through her mouth. Y/n felt dizzy from how strong her orgasm was, having been the strongest one tonight. He could feel how strong the climax had been for her, the intensity and pleasure having left her breathless. Diego held her close, her body trembling against his chest as she panted and shuddered. He ran his fingers gently over her back, the touch light and soothing as he waited for Y/n to come down from the peak, his own exhaustion forgotten for the moment. "Fuuck..." Y/n finally breathed out, "your cocks so good, baby."  She spoke, almost in disbelief even though this wasn't near the first time they'd had sex. Diego let out a low chuckle, the sound thick with exhaustion and a hint of pride.

"You always did know how to flatter a guy," he replied, his voice rough and still a little breathless. "Though, I reckon I can't take all the credit for this." He gave her backside a gentle pat, the small gesture affectionate and full of a touch of his usual playfulness. Y/n let out a small giggle as he did so, her body still flattened into his chest, using him as a mattress almost. She still hadn't pulled out. 

"Guess it's a 2 person thing, but you've got the magic," Y/n winked up at him. Diego chuckled again, the sound low and gentle. His hand continued to glide across her back, feeling the rise and fall of her breath as she lay on his chest. "You're not too bad yourself, darlin'," he replied gruffly. "I know I ain't young, but you still manage to wear me out like a damn dog.” Y/n smiled, lazily lifting her head, planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth, "I love ya baby. " She laid her head back down, closing her eyes Diego smiled back, the corners of his eyes wrinkling slightly. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before replying.

"I love ya too, darlin," he murmured, his voice low and gravelly with affection. "You're the best damn thing that's ever happened to me.” He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead before speaking up again. “Bout that thing I got ya.” He leaned over, opening the small drawer, “Was gonna wait but, better now.” There was a small maroon box in his hands. He opened it up showing a beautiful ring, an engagement ring. Y/n's eyes widened as she stared at it, tears now welling up in them, “Oh baby…” he took it out, holding his hand out for her to give him her hand, she didn't hesitate. He slipped the ring on, “The future aint promised, so i cant propose to marry you. But for the time being.” She was now crying as she stared down at the ring, admiring it she could only nod in response. 

“When I'm gone, I want you to take care of yourself. Don't trust anyone fully, angel, but have fun. Live your life to the fullest, promise me ya won't have me keeping you back.” 

•••

Diego was the first to fall asleep. After the small session of crying after his proposal, they'd cuddled, Diego having his arms tight around Y/n. She was still awake, gently brushing some strands of hair away from his face as he quietly snored. He looked at peace even as his calm breathing was interrupted by bits of jagged breaths. Y/n watched him as he slept, making sure he was fine. The fear he may stop breathing keeping her from a deep sleep. Eventually she found herself slowly dozing off into the usual light sleep, head against his chest, the gentle face of her dying lover the last thought in her mind. 

[eamour]

unfavourable concepts.

i've been meaning to address this for some time now. with social media becoming a platform with such a large number of people talking about different concepts in love, work, health and so on, there are concepts which i think need to be discussed, especially as they affect so many of us.

before we start, celest1albeing on twitter inspired me to write this post! make sure to check out their thread on there as well.

disclaimer.

these are concepts that don’t serve me personally. i don’t expect you to stop believing these concepts or make them apply to you and the world if you have no problems with them. if you can resonate and identify with these, that’s perfectly fine.

concepts of love.

information · these are all only examples which i seem to encounter frequently and which seem to be common.

young men cannot commit · men only treat pretty women with respect · all male friends of women just wanna hit · if he wanted to he would · they categorise you into sweet, sexy and pretty · he doesn’t love you if he does this · men always cheat and lie · they all only want one thing · they only like ass or tits · all men are the same · you can't change his type · you aren't his dream girl · men love quiet women · if a man doesn’t pay he isn't the one

you are just an option · once you are married your partner will become less romantic · after 3 months their true colours will show (honeymoon phase) · true love doesn’t exist · after the talking stage you either get into a situationship or go no contact · getting into a relationship is hard ·

women can’t be friends with men · women are complicated · they only want your money and wouldn’t want to date men who earn little · there is always another woman · they always look for someone better · you have to work on your divine feminine energy · you need to get out of your masculine energy · a woman needs to know her place

concepts of work.

money doesn’t grow on trees · it’s hard to get money · you have to work hard in order to afford your lifestyle · only if you do the work you can get a promotion · you could never be a ceo · you need to be privileged and born into richness for this position · this generation is lazy · no one wants to work · they are all going to end up jobless and poor · nowadays we are only evolving backwards

concepts of school.

you need to learn in order to get good grades · you cannot be smart without putting in the effort · teachers always have their favourite students · it's almost impossible to get good grades by teachers who can't stand you

concepts of health.

pasta makes you gain weight · you need to eat xyz and you cannot eat zyx · junk food is unhealthy · you need to workout in order to be fit · you can only lose weight by eating less · good skin requires an expensive skin care routine · t's hard to treat acne · you cannot get rid of scars on your face

self sabotage.

all in all, it all comes down to one thing: but is this what you want to believe in? do these beliefs serve you in any way? can you continue believing in them without worsening life for yourself? see, i am not the one shoving these concepts down your throat and expecting you to tweet "men ain’t shit". it’s all up to you if you want to claim these concepts as your truth or not. but if you keep believing in any undesirable concept that you KNOW does not help you in any way, you are only self sabotaging yourself IF you know that you can change these beliefs of yours.

evaluation.

the reason why i made this post is to emphasise that you can CHOOSE to believe in these concepts or not. you aren't tied to them. you don't depend on them. and you don't need to follow these concepts either.

i know we live in a society where even if you don’t initially believe that men suck or that you will get cheated on one way or another, we are still influenced by the experiences of others and may end up experiencing these things regardless. but you don’t have to!!! just because jessica had a man promise her the world and left her with nothing it doesn’t mean that it’s gonna happen to you as well. you are NOT her, you aren’t — and you don’t have to be — ANY of these people telling you about how awful people are, how sickening it is to date in this decade, etc. you don’t have to believe ANY of these things, in fact, you can change these concepts and the people around you.

in conclusion, you are your own person with your own individual beliefs. however, you have the CHOICE. no one's forcing you to believe any of these concepts, nor do they hold a universal truth to them. they come from the same awareness that can state the exact opposite.

with love, ella.

[allfattenedup]

Hey! I love your content so much!! I'm a skinny guy but I've always had the desire to be fat since I was little. Right now, I'm dating a feeder who wants to make me as fat as possible when I'm ready for it. Are you happier now that you're a fat guy? Don't you look at other fit guys on the street and feel regret for ruining your skinny body? For example, if I were fat and passed by a group of attractive, fit guys, I think I would get horny for not being like that anymore and would eat a lot of food after...maybe if I became fat and sloppy, I could be happier.

This is honestly a complex question for me to answer, and I've made an attempt a few times before to answer similar questions but I'll try again. It's important to me that I don't just blast out a blanket stance of 'yes you should get fat like I did!'. Spend enough time in the gaining community and intentionally putting on hundreds of pounds of fat starts to feel real normalized. And I'm not saying you shouldn't do that, but here's a few things I would say: My own personal kink revolves around fat and embarrassment. The worse I continue to look, the more mortified I am by my changing body, the more desperately I need it. So a lot of the time, yes I do regret doing this to myself, but that's where so much of the pleasure comes from. So it's hard for me to answer if I'm happier now or if I regret it. Every answer is both yes and no. And if your kink doesn't have the same component of shame then I'd say definitely don't take advice from me lol.

I'd also say never get fat for a feeder. I'm glad to hear you say they're waiting until you're ready, but don't let any pressure influence your decision of if/when that is. Make sure you know you'd want to get fat with them or without them. Again, we get a little blind to it in the gaining community but getting really fat, especially if you start off skinny, is a big deal. It changes a lot about the way you live your life, and it very well may be permanent. Yeah, you might go into it thinking 'if I don't like it I can just lose the weight', but don't assume that's true. It probably won't be. If you have a fat kink, gaining weight for the first time can be like a shark getting a taste of blood. It can unlock something which means you can never go back (speaking from experience). If you decide to gain weight, go into it knowing that you may never be able to lose it, and that you'd be alright if that happens. Also know that putting on weight can be incredibly addictive and you may go into it planning to gain ten pounds and wind up gaining a hundred or more. This kink is all-encompassing. You can't take it off when you're done, it affects every part of your lifestyle, people see it, and for all those reasons it can so easily become a rabbit hole. I actually love that about it, but you need to be real with yourself about whether that's something you're comfortable with. Everyone's experiences are gonna be different but what I'd boil it down to is this: If you're looking for an intense 24/7 experience that may get out of control and have no exit, then consider starting to put on weight. If you want to carefully explore a kink in a measured way and have certainty over the outcomes, then gaining isn't going to be a good idea.

[saintmeghanmarkle]

JAN MOIR on fire: Meghans become just another pay-per-view plugger turning her high profile into high profit by u/Von_und_zu_

JAN MOIR on fire: Meghan’s become just another pay-per-view plugger turning her high profile into high profit Between not launching her lifestyle brand, not being invited to A-list events and not visiting the UK with her husband, where does Meghan find the time to be an international businesswoman, that is what I want to know.This week, the Duchess of Sussex interrupted her trade and industry schedule to give an interview to the New York Times. How unlike her, is what you are thinking, and I agree.Meghan breached her ongoing quest for privacy, piercing that pearly shell of seclusion and confidentiality, to talk to one of the few publications in the world — along with People magazine, her trusty in-house trumpet — that she knows will treat her waffly pensées and latest commercial undertakings with respect and deference, rather than openly laugh in her face.And so it came to be.\**Meghan would not tell the newspaper how much she put into the brand, nor what ownership percentage she now has in the company, but Cesta confirmed it was a minority stake.So I am guessing that it was sixpence, a free jar of jam and a signed photograph of the Duke and Duchess being presented with their Golden Grifters of 2024 award.Why are we all here? I've lost my thread. Oh, yes — to salute Meghan's 'ability to move merchandise', a talent which was breathlessly admired by the NYT, as if the Duchess were a shiny fashion truck barrelling down the highway of hip.Which, as it turns out, is exactly how she sees herself.\**However, the exiled Duchess has had to wait until now to fully monetise that regal power and fully invest in herself — while also helping struggling fashion brands establish themselves, of course. Of course.'I support designers that I have really great friendships with, and smaller, up-and-coming brands that haven't gotten the attention that they should be getting,' she said.Unknowns such Oscar de La Renta and Givenchy, along with St Ella of McCartney and an obscure apprentice tailor from Milan called Mr G Armani, are all so grateful for her help. As, indeed, are Cesta.\**The Duchess also told the newspaper that, when it comes to being a businesswoman, she is a dolphin, not a shark.And also that she is better than you, but you knew that already.\**Like all influencers — which is what she has become — Meghan always seems to be invested in the higher purpose of self-valourising while imposing her superior taste on the scabby masses for clicks and cash.Look. Plenty of celebrities and even some royals get clothes and accessories for free — but that is not enough for the Sussexes. I imagine long Montecito nights of the soul when Meghan and Harry just burn with pure fury at the thought of anyone else, from handbag maker to napkin embroiderer to dress designer, making money out of them.So perhaps it should be no surprise to anyone that she seems to be turning herself into just another pay-per-view professional plugger, a walking billboard in a perennial marketing campaign for herself, a duchess who has transmogrified her high profile into a high profit, with a price on everything from her ethical diamond earrings to the soles of her shoes.The problem is that, collectively and individually, Harry and Meghan haven't got any actual talent to monetise — all that is left to milk is the very fact of their celebrity itself.For he is a prince who will never be crowned and she is an actress who will never get a part. And it was always, always coming to this sad point. https://ift.tt/2Yd3cUs post link: https://ift.tt/J8CvZrl author: Von_und_zu_ submitted: August 30, 2024 at 04:27AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[melis-writes]

Blood Money (Tony Montana x Reader Multichapter, 18+ Smut) Chapter 3 – An Eye For An Eye.

Chapter 2 / Read on AO3 / Chapter Masterlist.

18+, explicit smut read.

“Your new boyfriend is in Miami." / “I’m here for Tony Montana.”

Tony's fiery gaze burned into the back of your mind but your name etched on his heart from the very moment he knew who you were. Keeping you on his mind like prayer, Tony wastes no time in attempting to squeeze himself out of every interrogation at the Cuban migrant camp he and Manny are detained in. Like a power move claiming he knows you, Tony's beckoning you to meet him once more in your hometown with bold claims striking the attention of your father–one of the most notorious, wealthy businessmen of Miami–with one claim being that of love.

[WARNINGS]: None!

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]: Oh my goodness, a LONG time coming and the chapter update is finally here at last!! 😭💀 I'm thrilled to update this fic again and share it with the Tony girlies! Battling writer's block and life getting super busy was a chore but I. AM. BACK and writing! And yet I must break everyone's heart again by saying this update of Blood Money officially marks my temporary hiatus of Al fics outside of The Godfather universe. 💔 I will now solely be working on my Godfather fanfics until I'm finished so I have ample time and opportunity to write more consistently and update fics even more often than I ever have. I'm definitely not abandoning this fic and I will finish it someday soon! For now, let's dive back into Tony and Celeste's story!! 🥺🤞🏻

With a taste for success and dollar bills, Tony Montana’s drug empire grew in vast wealth, power and influence by your side as the kingpin’s lover. From sharing an intimate history in Cuba, you and Manny Ribera were the only ones to believe and support Tony from rags to riches. Embroiled in the same lifestyle and sharing enemies, you and Tony come to build your empire and world together with the threat of it collapsing from the inside. As partnership turns to betrayal and thrill to danger, you find yourself in-between ultimatums and sacrifices for the man you love.

'I'm always in the right, man. Always am.' The shit-eating grin over Tony's face spreads equal amounts of tension and frustration throughout the interrogation room; keeping the officers on edge for word back from your family knowing Tony could potentially be a protected individual under the Navarro family while thinking at the very same time that Tony could be bullshitting everyone just to waste their time.

Tony sits all too comfortably in front of the officers with his arms crossed, all the more amused watching them huff quietly to themselves and glower back at Tony every few minutes.

"So--" Tony attempts to start a lively conversation on his behalf.

"You shut the fuck up, Montana," the first cop points his finger at Tony. "Don't say a fuckin' word."

"We're not playing with you," the second cop scowls. 

"Alright, man. Alright," Tony shrugs his shoulders loosely, "sheesh. I keep quiet when people talk on the phone, like Mama taught me, okay?"

Letting out another shaky sigh of irritation, the officers exchange a glance amongst one another, knowing well enough that if they've bothered the Navarro family for no good reason, it'll result in a guaranteed suspension without pay and likely following up with getting fired. 

Then again, there's always the possibility that it could be Tony finding himself in hot water with the Navarros due to his cockiness and stupidity, and if that means having Tony out of the refugee camp and no longer able to be a nuisance, then it'll be both a best case scenario and a relief for the officers involved. Still, it's all too much to consider at once.

"Tell the supervisor," the first cop mumbles, "he needs to know what's going on."

"Will do," the other sighs, taking a seat back at his desk to grab out his notepad.

Ignoring Tony outright, the first cop moves his stool over to the telephone by the desk and sits next to it before beginning to dial the Navarro family reception line.

'By heart?' Tony's eyes flicker with interest, noticing how the officer has your family's number memorized by heart—rendering him surprised and amused at the same time. 

'So they know her,' Tony thinks to himself. 'She not a nobody. She a somebody. I got her name on the line for me. Just for me.' 

This means more to Tony than you can already know, even if all you'll ever do is show up to spit on his face and blame him for wasting your time. The satisfaction alone is everything for him.

Both officers continue to ignore Tony and avoid making any sort of eye contact with him; murmuring ushered words to one another and pressing through more numbers on the telephone as it rings.

Only mere moments after does Tony notice how tense the officer on the telephone gets by the way his muscles jerk up in response to the telephone being answered by a monotone-voiced, middle-aged man speaking out.

"Navarro residence."

The very individual answering the phone would be your father's advisor and right-hand man, Gabriel.

"Cuban Detention Center, Officer Frank speaking," the cop says politely, clearing his throat. "May we please speak to Mr. Navarro?"

There's a short pause on the other end of the line. "Do you have a request or appointment booked in advance?"

"No," Officer Frank answers quietly. "Um, ahem—this is in relation to immigration and detention. There's a gentleman here claiming he was requested by name from a potential--" Frank scowls over at Tony. "Sponsor." 

Gabriel's tone of voice grows considerably agitated. "I trust you have a good reason for wishing to bother Mr. Navarro. You will not hear it from me."

"Greatly appreciated," Officer Frank awkwardly replies as Gabriel begins to transfer the call to your father's personal telephone.

Fully aware of the telephone conversation ongoing with Gabriel, your father—Darren Navarro--is two stories up in his penthouse—still in his Versace morning robe, smoking a Cuban cigar.

His first words to Officer Frank once the line transfer is, "You better have a good reason for reaching my personal number, Frank."

"Oh yes sir, o-of course," Frank stammers. "I apologize, sir. I didn't mean to interrupt your day, but this is urgent."

"So you say so," your father is unmoved by the sudden sense of urgency. "I suppose it is coming from the immigration and refugee department. I've sponsored nobody, so what is all of this?"

Officer Frank's skin drains of color as he nervously exchanges a glance with his colleague, glumly shaking his head. "Um, sir, there was a mention of your daughter's name by a Cuban migrant."

Your father raises a brow, leaning back on his velvet chaise. Your last trip to Cuba and mentions of "Tony Montana" and "Manny Ribera" easily come to Darren's mind. 

"Interesting," Darren muses. "And what is this individual's name?"

"Tony Montana," Tony speaks up loud and clear, grinning. "And with my best friend, Manny Ribera."

"Shut the fuck up!" The second cop hisses, almost jumping out from behind his desk to hit Tony.

Darren's all very well aware Tony is in the same room and must know who he is by now, having heard everything. 

"Uh huh," your father chuckles. "I see."

"Sorry, sir. I'm so sorry," Frank scoffs, swallowing hard.

"Stop your whining," Darren rolls his eyes. "I heard the man loud and clear. This is no request for me but for my daughter then."

"The migrant claims to know Celeste Navarro personally, sir." Frank clears his throat.

"Yes, he does. That much is true," your father nods.

"May we speak to Celeste, sir?"

"No need," Darren brushes off the request, glancing towards his bedroom door. "Celeste will soon be on her way to greet both gentlemen personally.

"This man--" Frank begins, but is abruptly cut off and corrected by your father.

"Men," your father clarifies, refusing to exclude Manny. "There are two of them after all, so Celeste will see both. She knows both of them, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good," Darren blows out the smoke from his cigar around him, resting his cigar between his fingers as he admires the afternoon light glistening over his gold rings and jewelry. "Treat these men well. I'm aware of the reputation your detention center has and its demands. 'Gentle' is not in your vocabulary so be respectful. These are friends of the Navarro family and I expect them to be treated as such."

"Yes, sir..." Mortified, the officers stare in shock at a smirking Tony before your father hangs up on them.

~

Giving a drawn-out sigh, you roll your eyes in annoyance at the back cover of the gossip magazine you’ve been reading; already questioning why you bother with the tabloids just to entertain you.

Flipping back to the front cover of a bikini model on Miami beach, you rest your chin over your fist, wearing a flowing, pastel pink satin nightgown—laying on your stomach and dangling your feet, attempting to beat boredom.

Frank Sinatra’s “All By Myself” plays softly on your white and gold decorated record player, a compliment to the similar colors lavishly decorated over your bedroom.

Practically the size of a house’s first floor, your bedroom itself spans 1,500 square feet and is fit for a princess, covered in various shades of pink with a glimmering diamond chandelier above you.

The very king-size bed you lounge upon is adorned with a bubble-gum pink cashmere and quilt duvet and six silk encased pillows, a polar bear throw in the center of your bedroom upon the marble floors striking attention to the wall fixtures and architecture of the bedroom taking inspiration from the Palace of Versailles.

You furrow your brows in annoyance at the magazine in your hands, only to have your thought suddenly interrupted by the sound of your father knocking on your door.

You peek up in interest, brushing a curtain of your hair back. “Come in.”

“Hi, darling,” your father enters your room with a warm smile—holding a glass of iced rum in one hand and concealing something in his fist with the other. “Didn’t think I’d be giving you good news so quick, eh?”

Chuckling, your father opens his fist and lightly tosses your car keys over to you.

Reaching your arm out, you snatch the car keys mid-air—staring at your father in confusion. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“Your new boyfriend is in Miami,” your father says with a laugh. “Immigration services at the Cuban refugee camp called me just earlier.”

“Huh,” you blink, rubbing your temple as your memory recollects, hitting you all at once.

“I never say goodbye either. I say you’re gonna remember these faces—my face.”

‘Tony Montana.’ Your face flushes red as you clear your throat, glancing up at your father. “They called you?”

“Mhmm,” your father nods, taking a small sip from his drink. “Quick to it, I’ll give them that. I don’t think that Tony of yours has been there for very long from the sounds of it. They wanted to reach you, actually.”

“Makes sense of course,” you slide aside your magazine, sitting up in bed. “Great…”

“What do you think?” Your father raises a brow.

“I’m not thinking of anything,” you give your head a shake.

“No? You sure you don’t owe this Tony and his friend a favor or two?”

“I don’t owe anyone anything,” you roll your eyes out of frustration. “But for Tony,” you clutch your car keys, “if he wants to see me, I’ll go see him. I’ll see him, but I don’t know what I can do for him.”

“Is this really someone worth wriggling out of months worth of paperwork and getting into the front of the line? ‘Cause I’ll let you decide that,” your father shrugs. 

Getting off of your bed, you eye your purse from across the bedroom. “I think I’ve already made my decision.”

“I’m sure you made the right one,” your father turns back on his heel.

“Is Tony waiting for me right now?” You head over to your walk-in closet.

“He is,” your father confirms, placing his hand over your doorknob to close the door behind him. “And I think you’re the only person he wants to see right now.”

~

‘Tony Montana…’ You let out a soft sigh, leaning your head back against your car’s headrest. ‘Again and so soon.’ With great effort, you push aside the fluttering feeling in your heart every time Tony’s name and face cross your mind; clearing your throat and putting your Armani sunglasses on.

Starting up your Mercedes-Benz 380SL Convertible and pulling out of your estate’s parking lot carefully, you focus on nothing but getting directly to immigration services—able to collect your thoughts.

Letting the warm summer breeze flow through your hair as you step on the gas, determined to know just why Tony’s got your name mixed up with the law.

You may not have taken the rugged, cocky stranger very seriously back in Cuba but you’d be lying to yourself right now if you said you weren’t a little intimidated by Tony’s timing.

‘Didn’t think my name would cross your lips so soon either… Full of surprises.’ 

Tony knows he can sit and wait in the interrogation room for an eternity to come so as long as it’s promised you’ll show up—riding off on the idea of seeing you again like a lingering high.

Driving through the streets of Miami, you tap your French tip manicure against your steering wheel patiently through every red light.

Your eyes flicker over beach-bound tourists making their way over the crosswalks, noting the impatient drivers on the other side of the intersection honking at each other and tossing cigarettes out the window; the scent of body odor and beer not far from the beach itself.

Giving your head a shake, you scrunch your nose in disgust and drive off—not far from reaching the secluded immigration center from downtown.

You arrive a little over ten minutes later, driving into the clearance section with the rest of the other drivers waiting their turn to speak with an officer at the booth and be admitted. 

Resting your arm on the windowpane of your car, you peek your head out of the window just enough for your face to be seen, and just as you expected, you’re recognized by an officer at a booth opposite from you almost instantaneously. 

‘Uh huh.’ Noticing the officer blocking the path of the upcoming car who was next in line, you slowly drive up as he gestures for you to follow.

“How is that fucking fair?!” You hear a honk and shout of irritation from the other driver, simply ignoring him and continuing to cautiously drive up.

“Blow it out your ass, buddy,” the officer rolls his eyes.

Parking your car, you glance up at the officer who only gives you a brief nod and lets you through without a single word; just one of the many perks of being the daughter of one of Miami’s most notorious businessmen.

“Alright,” you mutter under your breath as you approach the guarded parking lot, seeing another officer heading directly your way. ‘Let’s see what this is really all about.’

Taking off your sunglasses, you make eye contact with the officer who furrows his brows at you in confusion; more than likely wondering how you got in so quickly and just who you are to be taking priority over anyone else.

“And who might you be?” The officer asks smugly.

“I think you know who I am,” you reply back coyly. “I’m here for Tony Montana.”

~

As smug and prideful as he can be, Tony slouches in his seat with his arms crossed and completely relaxed as if he’s the one arranging the interrogation rather than being interrogated. 

As apparent as the officers make it seem to Tony how thoroughly pissed, exhausted, and anxious they are dealing with him, Tony reflects it with his nonchalant attitude on purpose.

“You think you’re taking some sort of vacation, Montana?” Officer Frank scowls.

 “Sure, man,” Tony shrugs his shoulders loosely. “I think my vacation is on the way.”

Ignoring the immigration officer who escorts you inside the facility as some mock bodyguard, you make your way towards the entrance of the interrogation offices where the officer gestured you to, making note of the maximum-security gates and barbed wire high walls.

Giving a small huff of annoyance and adjusting your hair, you approach a narrow hallway inside the next building and set your sunglasses on your head.

“This way, please,” the officer guiding you murmurs and politely steps in front of you.

Unphased and hardly listening, you follow the officer until you both reach an interrogation door marked “11B”.

You maintain your distance from both the officer and the door as the officer leans over and quickly knocks on the door not to ask to come in but to signal his entrance.

A wide, playful grin spreads over Tony’s face as he turns his head back to face the door—absolutely thrilled to see it about to open in front of him.

Fear simmers back into the officers the moment they spot a feminine silhouette behind the tinted glass of the door, instantly remembering now more than ever that their jobs are on the line.

Pushing open the door, the officer guiding you inside steps in first and out of your way—clearing his throat to speak out, “Miss Celeste Navarro is here, sir.”

‘Celeste Navarro…’ Seeing you before him once more, Tony’s pupils widen as a strong surge of attraction hits him—coursing through his veins.

Tony’s muscles tighten and he feels the heat of arousal trickling inside of him as he locks eyes with you, stunned and utterly admiring every inch of your figure.

Attempting to look at you with more humility than defeat or nervousness, the officers are put off by your very presence and can say or do nothing as you cross your arms; expectant and domineering before everyone else.

You’re the only spot of color in the otherwise dull room filled with grey uniforms and sweaty men; dressed in an Armani, pastel pink, cropped tweed blazer, a matching mini skirt, a white chiffon Calvin Klein blouse with a bow at your collar and four-inch glossy nude pumps. 

“There she is, she’s the one,” Tony smirks at you—breaking the momentary silence in the room.

“Ahem,” Officer Frank clears his throat, beginning to sit upright in his seat. “You know this man, miss?”

“Do I?” You raise a brow, unamused. “It feels like I’ve known him my whole life.”

“Yes, baby,” Tony mutters to himself inaudibly. ‘Come to me. You’re here now.’

“Miss Navarro,” the other officer begins to speak up awkwardly, “apologies if this is an intrusive question however this man claims to know you and—”

”And she’s my fiancée, as I was telling you. Okay, man?” Tony interrupts, rolling his eyes. “Can I have some privacy with my fiancée, man?”

‘Fiancee? What the hell is he talking about?’ Struck into shock by Tony’s words, you hold your posture and expression, but you know where Tony’s coming from and just why he’s deciding to play this game with you now.

“Yes, so what?” You snap back, noticing the playful twinkle in Tony’s eyes. “It’s true, he is my fiancée.”

‘Tony… I hope you know what you’re doing. I swear… Now is not the time to put on a show.’ 

The officers stare at each other in utter discomfort, remaining silent. 

“But I don’t recall that being anyone’s business except mine,” you narrow your eyes at them, taking a step forward to Tony.

Tony takes your soft hand in his, caressing his thumb over the back of your hand softly. “See?”

“Well,” Officer Frank swallows hard, “if that’s the case—”

Your eyes snap open in shock as Tony leans up in his seat, suddenly cupping both of your cheeks and immediately pulling you into a crushing, deep kiss.

‘Oh!’ Your lips collide over his and your eyes flutter shut in response, feeling the warmth of his tongue teasing the tip of yours in loving passion without a care—ensnared in the moment of having you as his fiancée with no intentions of letting go.