#always reaching to do better

[sweeteastart]

Having post anxiety about posting some kind of art and not another is weird.

I've been posting my artwork continually since 2016 and never got much anxiety over it. Threw it into the void with some broken English and forgot it existed the next second. I even started posting my Cosplays about 3 years ago. Which is basically me in a costume and it also never put any pressure on me. It's kinda whatever.

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MY WRITING.

BOY, OH BOY AM I TERRIFIED.

My writings were the first thing I ever shared publicly back in my teenage years. It was in my native language in the glory days of wattpad and it was soooo disastrous but fun. At some point I stopped. I got into drawing and it took a step back.

However, now that I'm older ... I get unreasonably afraid about sharing my work. The moment I share my words publicly, i feel pressured. Somehow I have this "it has to be perfect" or "I'll be judged into oblivion" mentality that plagues my mind.

My best guess is that I can't judge how good I am at it unlike with my art and cosplay. My brain can't analyse the words on the page and give it an appreciation. So I feel like it's automatically awful.

It may not be. It might be good. But I don't know that. That's so scary as an artist to put work out there that you, it's very own creator, can't analyse critically. Scary that people will judge it and you won't be able to defend it because YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S WORTH.

Don't get me wrong. I fricking love writing. I've been doing it on and off without posting it for almost ten years. It's a hobbit that i will cherish no matter what people might say about it.

It's just.... Anxiety. Pressure. Striving to be better at my craft. A craft that's been 10 years in the making.... Yet I don't know where I am in it. I don't know if I'm good, bad or meh. It's so much more terrifying to not know where you are than knowing you're bad at it.

[the-great-horse-cocktail]

Alternate timeline where Stanley doesn’t accidentally ruin Ford’s project but he still doesn’t get into Geek Life University bc some kid showed up with a baking soda volcano

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

[knifearo]

aspecs: i've been thinking a lot lately about the "ace people can still have sex in a relationship/aro people can still be in romantic relationships" sentiment and the logistics of being aspec in relationships in general. obviously, the predominant sentiment is that you should be able to have a relationship where the other person will be happy without having sex/being romantic with you. if you feel comfortable sharing in tags/replies/reblogs/asks/whatever, though, i'd really like to hear people's experiences with sex/romance in relationships as an ace/aro person. have you found it generally possible to have a relationship with an allo person when you're ace and don't want to engage in sex? what are people's experiences being aro and being in relationships (labeled romantic or otherwise) with alloros? reblogging for reach is appreciated and any related experiences you feel comfortable sharing are completely welcome <2

[youandthemountains]

it probably is insane how much I wish I could express the thing about spones. the vibes about spones. Like there's the joking fun fandom vibes and I love them, I love to play with them, of course of course. but the THING. the CORE to me. i wish i could capture it and share it.

[transmechanicus]

Yipee hooray i ate one full meal today at 9pm after giving like a quart of blood to check my hormones and almost passing out on my walk home. Surely a few hours later i won’t already be-*

…Why am i hungers? 🤨

[burningcheese-merchant]

(First: Well, I've rarely used Tumblr. And I'm Korean! So it might seem a little weird. (I borrowed the power of my forever friend 'Translator'!) I like your Burning Cheese Fanfic because there aren't many Burning Cheese Fanfic in Korea either! (Even Korean Fanfic sites have so few of their Fanfic that I take up 1/3 of the Burning Cheese tag lol) Anyway, what I want to say is I like the Burning Cheese Fanfic you uploaded on Ao3. I'm reading it using a translator every day! I hope you will contin

Oh my gosh, I have a Korean fan!!! I've broken through the barrier between the Asian and Western sides of the fandom!!! Haha jk

I'm so happy you're enjoying my work ❤️ I don't know which one(s) you read - you didn't specify and I've written at least 10 on AO3, plus the 10 short stories on here haha - but thank you for taking the time to read it/them regardless! And for coming to tell me you enjoy them! That really made my night ❤️

I'm surprised to hear there aren't many fanfics in Korea, but not... that surprised, I don't think. From what I always understood, you guys were/are more into fanart than fanfiction. I've founds TONS of BurningCheese fanart on Twitter and other places, almost all of it by Asian fans, so it gives me the impression that BurningCheese is pretty popular over there (please tell me I'm right. Pretty please). But again, never saw much fanfiction among you all, just art. I could be totally wrong, though! I'm not Korean so I'm not an authority on the matter

I will continue to write, I promise! I have so many stories planned (seriously, I write them down on a word document. It's several pages long. And there's a separate list for NSFW lol). I intend to keep feeding my fellow BurningCheese comrades for a long, long time, don't you worry

[katabay]

ANDREY STAMATIN

Keep a close eye on Peter. You'd become desperate and turn into a villain without him.

I spend a lot of time thinking about daniil and peter, but something just clicked into place for me with andrey. so!

I am. currently untangling this thread of thoughts about the stamatin twins and daniil and this kind of. triangle that's happening. a three fold bullet for sure, the kind of recognition-awareness-understanding where three people become one, but to step back from that. when daniil and andrey talk, there's a specific shape of peter that stands in his conversational absence. so: triangle formation. it's opposite-adjacent-complementary to daniil and peter's conversations. it all goes back to that first conversation you have with andrey. it's giving knife. love it!

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

[thatonecrookedsmile]

Recovered photo of Joey Drew. Taken December 31, 1944, during a New Year's Eve party at the Arch residence, photographed by George Parker. Photo depicts Mr. Drew shaking hands with an unknown man in a hat. Attempts to identify the man and his whereabouts have been unsuccessful. -The ArchGate Preservation Society.

-Record-

-----

Alternatively: 'Unknown' - Return to the Studio AU.

Even though he was the one who personally invited every guest at the party, when Joey later asked him who the "strange man" was, Nathan had no idea who he was referring to, even with Drew's specifics.

After several years have passed, looking back at the photo, Nathan still has no idea who this man is or how he got into the party.

Joey described the encounter as something that "started out pleasantly, and ended on a very uncomfortable note."

[gornackeaterofworlds]

SOMA au Leo

Click for unfuzziness

[skrunksthatwunk]

something he can't put into words.

[ganondoodle]

something i didnt say over here but probably should-

i, in truth, dont know if im actually as annoying or "childish" or aggressive as i feel like im being

i feel like, i got a uniquely bad case of autism obsession and over-emotionality, constantly guilty for feeling so much, like me failing to keep my own emotions under control is purely a failure on my part, like i shouldnt feel this much, i am not allowed to feel like this, no one else seems to fail it like i do, over and over again i get overwhelmed by my own feelings and even if it isnt a full breakdown-

(meltdown? which i think is soemthing else and honestly ..... i do not want to have ever again, its the ultimate loss of control where i dont even feel like im piloting my own body, like im possessed by something, which is not really something that happens online, that is a thing that happens to me rarely in real life)

- i still feel so overwhelmingly stupid, like you jsut watched yourself turn into a toddler screaming bloody murder bc mom didnt buy the thing you wanted, and then are suddendly back to yourself but to everyone else you didnt change at all so everyone looks at you like you just lost your mind over nothing and thats just how you are normally

that together with being online and people likely seeing only a fraction of who you are, plus my tendency to ... be like this mostly when im not liking something just .... makes me feel so damn guilty, maybe something like public shame too? or the old problem of feeling like a burden?

i dont know, i cant seem to imagine people can see me like that and not be annoyed or weirded out by it, especially when they only realyl see that side of me, and i feel so damn guilty for it, the class weirdo who randomly starts to cry over seemingly nothing like i have always been, and i shouldnt be, i should have grown and gotten better and be in control at all times by now i just ... "havent tried hard enough"

[rgrfederer]

☆-

[luminous-orb]

half the time I think “oersted and streibough are strong narrative foils” it’s like, a complex and well constructed thought about how they bring out each others worst qualities. and the other half of the time, well, it’s just This Image

[blujayonthewing]

their favorite toys 💕

[aroanthy]

(anthytouga voice) why would i be compassionate to nanami ew disgusting nanami’s literally the worst nanami is a cockroach i hope she dies she’s so fucking stupid oh my god being compassionate to nanami is the worsttttttt so what if the worst things ever happen to her and it’s my fault that’s just lifeohhhhhhhhhhh oh? utena is experiencing the worst things ever and i helped? and i helped? oh well i should just kill myself. oh well i should just kill myself and save her because actually utena is Good. and stupid. but Good. unlike nanami lol nanami was born cursed to suffer haha nanami’s got that karmic punishment coming lollllll But Utena Does Not <3