#although sometimes it does feel like I have to force myself to do it

[diari0deglierrori]

As much as I can enjoy the casual gaming in my day to day life I can’t let it be my main source of escape from the world because that’s when things usually spiral for me. And I’m not saying it is nor should be the same for everyone, I’m talking about me specifically. Because I know that when I focus too much on digital stuff and I’m not manually, physically creating things it usually creates a bad pattern and it’s truly not what I need rn

[rampant-testiculitis]

the stars aligned in my personality so that everything i convey is either a warped version of what was intended something blatantly different

[luffysscraps]

Straw hats kinks;🔞

cw: Headcanons.NSFW.Smut.18+.Fem reader. Luffy’s a bit gross. (BUT IF YOU DONT LIKE HIM LIKE THAT THEN YOU’RE NOT A TRUE LUFFY FAN‼️‼️) Sanji cums on food.

Characters: Luffy. Zoro. Sanji.

Not proofread.

-Luffy

• Hair pulling (Giving and receiving); he didn’t know how much fun it was to pull you down on his cock by your hair. Watching you try to get away from him and forcing you to look at him by your hair made his dick twitch. He also loved when you grasp his head when he’s going down on you. The feeling of your fingers gripping his hair harshly made him hard instantly.

•Excessive cum; Again he discovered this by complete accident. Even without using his devil fruit powers his balls are abnormally large and filled to the brim with cum. Doesn’t matter how long ago he was sucked dry they’ll refill within an hour. And with Luffy’s stamina he doesn’t even notice when he’s shooting blanks. But watching you fill up with his cum turned him on even more which resulted in him going longer creating an endless cycle of cumming inside of you. He likes to pull out slowly and watch the juices drip down his cock and onto the bed sheets; making a mess of your pussy.

•Spit; He’s so messy. His kisses are so sloppy. And he knows this, he often apologizes for his messiness but doesn’t do anything to improve it. So when he accidentally drooled over on top you he didn’t expect his cock to twitch so wildly. So (with your permission of course) he begins to spit on you more often. In your mouth; on your boobs; ass; pussy; face. Anywhere you’ll allow him to he does so. Hell he’ll even ask you to spit on him some times.

•Belly bludge; He loves placing his hand on your womb and, every time he thrusts feeling your skin stretch to accommodate his size. “Hmm~ I can feel myself inside of you~!” He’ll groan out with a laugh on the end of it. He makes it a game, placing his hand on your stomach as he’s trying to feel his tip with every thrust.

•Marking/Biting; He loves, loves, loves to leave marks on your body. By the end of your session you’re left with red and purple hickies and bites all over your body. He can’t seem to take his mouth off of your body, there’s something so addicting about having your soft skin in between his lips. A simple neck kiss often turns into a sex session because he’s so turned on by just sucking on your skin. (Although he does forget his own strength and ends up biting too hard sometimes.)

•Body crushing; “You can take it! Can’t you?” He giggles while he smothers you against the mattress. He loves the feeling of his weight on top of you. At first he used it as a way to restrain you and stop you from squirming but he soon began to enjoy the control he got from it. You can barely breath from underneath him, and your squirms were no more. There was something unexplainably sexy about you two being so close to each other that turned him on. He didn’t know what it was but now he loves to smother you against the bed sheets

•Bonus; He doesn’t mean to be so rough with you, it’s just that he doesn’t know his own strength and when he’s going at it, his mind runs blank more often then not. He’s not in control of his body and stretches his dick to reach your womb, trying to go beyond but it seems impossible. So he’s made it his goal to break through your womb! And he tells anyone who asks what his dreams are or goals. “My goal is find the one piece, become pirate king and break through Y/N’s womb!” He shouts in the middle of a heated battle. Sometimes you wonder why you love this idiot.

-Zoro

•Throat fucking; Zoro often has you laid out on his bed in front of him. He spreads out your arms grasping both of them tightly. He positions himself at the entrance of your mouth and goes to town. He loves to grip your throat and feel the outline of his cock as he thrusts in and out of your mouth like his own personal toy. So warm; so wet; and don’t get him started on that tongue of yours. It’s something about your throat that Zoro loves (slightly) more then your pussy.

•Dacryphilia; When your eyes start to water and tears prick the corners of your eyes Zoro let’s out nothing but a moan. There was no concern for you. He loves watching the tears streak down your cheeks as you whine and cry about how his cock is too big and too much for you to handle. “What is it too big? Come on now Y/N~ I know you can handle it~” The power and control he feels from seeing your pathetic tears make his dick run wild.

•Breastfeeding; The man loves boobs, and he loves sucking on them too, this kink was a no brainer. He doesn’t know why but playing with your nipples and sucking on them gets his rocks off. He’ll get hard In seconds from just playing with them. Sometimes he’ll fall asleep with a nipple in his mouth.

•Cockwarming; Just like how he’ll fall asleep with your nipple on his mouth, he’ll fall asleep with his cock still inside of you. It feels at home just being inside your warm cunt. He loved spooning you and just shoving his cock into you without warning and falling asleep in seconds. It’s just so relaxing, feeling you squeeze him tightly in his sleep. He’ll stay like this with you for hours, but don’t be surprised when he wakes up and starts going to pound town without warning.

•Boxers; something about seeing you in his boxers makes him hard in a heart beat. Man sees you wearing his boxers and he is sprung. You look so sexy wearing his underwear, he can devour you in seconds if you come to bed wearing his boxers. The boxers being way too big for your figure; the way he can see the outline of your cunt. It drives him crazy. A simple nap together can turn into getting freaky in the sheets because of you wearing his boxers.

•Orgasm control; “listen to me. You can’t cum now. Don’t disobey me baby girl~” Again it’s the power going all to his cock. When he feels you squirm and your walls twitch he shakes his head “Ah, ah, ah. You’ve gotta hold it until I cum first alright?” His voice is so demanding and feeling your uncontrollable twitching go against his words causes him to smack your ass. “Bad girl~” he warned with a smirk.

•Breeding; The thought of knocking you up is just so enticing to him. Stuffing you full of his cum and watching you quake and shake makes his body feel so hot. And watching your baby bump and tits grow larger just turns him on so much. He’ll place his hands on your stomach and breasts every day, feeling them swell as the days go by, god it just makes him hard instantly. He’ll pump you full of cum every single night, he can’t help it he loves using your hole for hours on end.

•Bonus; not really a turn on, turn on. But Zoro finds it hot when his s/o is smarter then him. Say something smart, figure something out or lead him back to the crew and he’ll just stare at you with a devious smirk. He’s totally silent but that smirk on his face is all telling.

-Sanji

•praise (giving and receiving); “you’re doing so well for me princess~ just a little more.” “What a good girl you are for me~” “fuck~ so tight. So good for me~ hmm~” with Sanji being Sanji, even if he can’t speak full sentences he’ll praise you to the ends of hell. But if you praise him back, call his cock big, tell him how good he’s fucking you, tell him he’s amazing and sweet to you; he’s hard again in minutes and you’ve earned yourself another round.

•Brat taming; My goodness, please, please, please act naughty and disobey him. It turns him on soooo much. If you tell him ‘no’, try to get away from him, or tell him something mean he’s quick to remind you who’s in control here. He’ll pin you to the bed like “uh uh uh~ Be a good girl for me, okay princess?” With a playful wag of his finger he’ll lightly scold you and act like what you did was childish before rightfully punishing you. Shoving his cock in your pussy before fucking you painfully slowly, and with your body pinned you can’t move at all. You’ll end up whining and begging for him to speed up, and only when you say please is when he’ll comply.

•Spanking; It goes hand and hand with brat taming. Be too naughty in one night and he’ll bend your bare ass over his knee. “Now you’ve earned yourself 20 spanks. I want you to count with each one or else I’ll have to start over.” He warns before he smacks your rear. He’s gentle with you, not too harsh but not too soft of course. He just wants you to learn a lesson. And when he sees the plush of your skin turning a soft red and purple it drives him wild. After the spanking is over he’ll kneed the bruised skin with a sly smile. Sinking his fingers into it to hear you whine and cry more.

•Bondage; He likes the restraining aspect of bondage. He likes to tie you up and restrict your movements. He’ll tie your hands around your back with just about anything he could get his hands on. A rope, a ribbon, his own tie. Loves to watch you squirm and cry, begging to be unrestrained but you’re at his mercy. It makes him feel like he’s in control, only he can let you go and only he can make you feel like this.

•Oral (Giving); Sanji LOVES to eat you out for hours on end. He’ll tie your hands behind your back and place his hands firmly on your thighs so you can’t move. He’ll leave a trail of kisses along your stomach before his head dips down to your wet cunt and his tongue does it’s job. He’ll have you ringing out orgasms on end. Not stopping from your whines and protests of overstimulation. He’ll go until your clit is sore and your pussy aches. He loves eating you out, your juices are simply delicious. He loves feeling your thighs squeeze his head, he swears he can cum just from your noises and the action of his tongue sliding in and out of your slick.

•Food play; Sanji often treats himself with a snack late at night and that’s you. He’s brought whipped cream and hot fudge to the bedroom and you’re his plate to decorate. He’ll tie you down to the bed and spread whipped cream on your sensitive nipples, a trail of hot fudge runs down to your pussy and cherries on top to garnish the dish. He makes you a work of art before devouring your body. As he eats you up like no tomorrow you can feel his hard on pressed against your inner thigh. You’re just the best dish he’s ever had, how can he not get hard?

•Bonus; “I’ve made you a special dish tonight my love.” Sanji beckons as he enters the bedroom holding a plate. You know exactly what that meant and hummed softly laying down on the bed. “It’s a chocolate eclair, made with Love~” He sung happily taking a piece of it up with his fork and putting it to your lips. You could see the runny, milky-clear, liquid of his sperm sitting on top of it and you gladly ate it and you could see the exact second his cock gets hard in his pants.

[kroosluvr]

aftermath

ERMMM this takes place after long winter au third semester.... it could honestly vary but i think sometime btwn 5-10 yrs. sumire is abroad, akira moved back to tokyo after finishing hs/college, goro is. around

SORRY ITS 5am again so ill make this quick . again

QUICK DISCLAIMER this is kinda like a lot of me projecting LMFAOSDOGKJSDHFK@#)40 so like dont read into this tooooo much bc idk royaltrio cld be insnanely ooc here but. YEA.

started thinking abt akira constantly calling up goro and sumire even after 1) goro dies (so they think) and 2) sumire distances herself post-third sem. i elaborate on this on my shusumi fic........ sorry subtle shilling

^ tldr i think these 3 kinda drift apart after the snowglobe world crumbles, that false reality that ironically brought them so close together..... back in reality, things feel Different (but this is Our reality right? why does it feel so strange now?) and so. well its just not the same, no amtter what

the. the “the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there” tumblr post

even though they loved each other and knew it too, there was also some sort of looming feeling that it won't last - but it does, still. it exists, in some meaningful sense-

akira sees and thinks about sumire and goro in everything he does, his day to day life, worries about them, wants to tell them about all he's doing, wants to hear about what they're up to. so he does so by leaving voicemails (although in this case sumire changed her number LMFAO. he does it anyway)

in the same vein, sumire thinks about all the things she'd like to tell goro, but with no address to send it to, it's useless. but she writes them anyway - more and more as a solace to herself, conversing with the memory of goro in her head, making him live on in that sense. and with akira i think it's a little more subtle. here she's trying to find a coffee shop that measures up to lebalnc, and of course she doesn't. there's only one leblanc and only one akira. but yeah like in sumire's case she kinda goes these "roundabout" ways in her Missing Them. theres also the added thing of her wanting to be more independent (from goro and akira and kasumi and tokyo and etc etc etc. also elaborated on in said fic)

goro! i think there's smth so poignant about visiting your own grave (i wrote sumire doing htis in another fic. thats an aside) hair cut, mask on, no gloves, he's a different sort of goro akechi but not really in any meaningful sense either. he's just different. sumire leaves the scarf (i think w sumire, she learns from goro like. omg im blanking on the word. LIKE reliability..? thinking realistically? smth like that.) so shes subconsciously thinks oh ill get him something useful like a scarf to keep warm (and a lil more subtle on the love aspect). akira gets him a lovely bouquet, straightforward and honest w his love/adoration, never afraid to spell it out. smth abt goro needing to live a new life now but also he keeps looking back - but this time, there's love when he looks back. there's still love

a kind of "youll always have home with me" sentiment btwn these 3. even if we never return there, youll still have a place in my heart

like "i dont think ill ever have that kind of love again. but i had it once. and even if i couldnt keep it, its still important." THIS IS HARD TO EXPLAIN

anyway tldr theres just some sentiment w royaltrio w Wanting to move on but also holding onto your past, and learning how to reconcile with the horrible parts but also the tender and lovely parts. sometimes there's stuff you gotta leave behind and grow past, grow around, even if it's good. even if it's good, you still have to push forward. <- a lesson that i'm trying to teach myself currently so thats why this is very. projecting. LMFAODSJKHJKSDKW sorry im crnge goodnight

these notes are horrible dont read these.

[thomas-jefferson-miku-binder]

I hate Mel Medarda discourse because she’s an insanely well-written character with a lot of depth, but people almost always have only two things to say about her: 1) evil girlboss or 2) never did anything wrong. both make me want to krill myself 🦐

In front of you, there’s a female character born of war who rejects the physical brutality of her family’s name and the regime she was born under. except said violence never really goes away because if it ever does leave, nothing else would remain

This character can and will reproduce the hatred she has always known, just in more palpable ways, ways where she’s allowed to look away — or even better, ways where she’s so distanced from the action itself that where she “looks” doesn’t even matter

It’s also so interesting to think that maybe Mel doesn’t dislike physical violence because it’s “bad” but simply because she does not excel at it The thought that if Mel was maybe stronger or a more skilled fighter, she would be just like her mother tickles my brain. yaaaas Although, to me, that's a more "what-if" scenario than the actual characterization Arcane deceipts

By the way, I do not think Mel is a monster. She clearly does try to be what she considers a "good" person, but the violence she’s always known sometimes escapes (just like in the Viktor scene above — she does not like to be disagreed with).

Sooo insane that she’s a diplomat/politician because yes. what other job in the world would allow her to exercise that repressed violence while also giving her the sense of duty—of goodness.

Mel is stuck at the scene of the execution form her childhood. All she does is repeat the same scenario in her head with different outcomes: sometimes one where she saves the prisoner, another where she doesn’t hesitate (that being the keyword here) to kill her

This reverberation of the violence she suffered is just her manner of coping with that traumatic scene. a way of lessening the pain without actually confronting its cause.

I feel like I need to clarify that no, I do not think Mel is “evil”. I don’t even think she is intentionally manipulative (most of the time), I think she handles people the only way she knows how to, which is probably one of the only reasons she survived Noxus at all (as, to how I see it, there's only a certain extent your House will guarantee your protection in Noxus).

I know the fandom talks a lot about Viktor and Jayce being idealistic, but I rarely see people mention how Mel is just as romantic. Jesus- that’s literally a huge source of conflict with her mother: Ambessa thinks Mel is naive, which to her means weakness, which to her is unacceptable.

I hate that Mel Medarda is forced to be subjected to fandom spaces, because, no, she is not a small bean. no, she’s not an evil girlboss.

Do I believe she is a good person? I think she tries to be (even if her notion of goodness is so heavily aligned with honor, too), and that tells me a lot more about her character than how successful she is at it

[kisseobie]

Hard hours🤭🤭

I’d love to read any of your thoughts about the members being more submissive. Headcannons, a MtL, drabbles, whatever rly!!

I love your writing so so much im so glad someone is writing for soulseob now<3

p1harmony as subs

pairings: ot6 p1harmony x reader

genre: nsfw (mdni)

a/n: soooo glad i’m getting some sub piwon asks because i haven’t explored it enough .. i consider myself a switch leaning submissive so it’s natural for me to write dom piwon but i dabble in the sub piwon fantasy as well mwahahaha

𓇼 keeho

sooo whiny and needy. although he’s playful in nature, i don’t really think keeho would be as bratty as a sub as most may assume. in fact, i think he would be pretty happy to comply with your demands, whether you’re treating him like the finest of china, or defiling him like a bitch in heat. he prefers to be degraded and treated like a slut, but is always eager to give you sloppy kisses while you fuck your fingers into his hole. loves to be slapped on his face and spat on, he’s just so dirty when he’s in subspace. aftercare is super important with him though, the contrast makes him dizzy but fills his heart up with warmth and comfort. isn’t very mouthy in terms of dirty talk, but does moan very high pitched, to the point where you sometimes have to clasp a hand atop his mouth to shut him up. keeho is also a big fan of toys as well—a true size queen in my head, fucks himself with his dildos to prepare for the eventual pounding you give him with your strap-on <333

𓇼 theo

on the opposite end of keeho, theo is an absolute brat in bed. doesn’t comply with your orders, defies your every command with a smirk, like it’s the funniest thing in the world. in reality, he just wants to be punished, wants to be overstimulated to the point where he can’t remember his own name. when yangie slips into subspace, it lasts for hours, not that you would ever complain when he’s so fun to play with. your boyfriend is a munch, so he’ll spend an eternity kitty licking at your cunt and leaving his weeping cock aching and untouched. you’d offer to help him, but his brattiness forces you to be oh so mean to him, rutting your pussy against his face, not allowing him to breathe several seconds at a time. it all just makes more blood rush to his cock, and soon he’ll be begging and dropping the bratty act, pleading for you to please just touch him :(

𓇼 jiung

a bit shy every time he subs, but that doesn’t mean he’s not excited! ji is just so pretty, you can’t help but worship his body and praise him like he’s the most angelic thing on the planet (he is!). jiung particularly loves when you blindfold him, the deprivation of the sight of what you plan to do to him builds up a strange bubbly feeling in his tummy. isn’t a big fan of pegging, personally he’s not the type to bask in the soreness that’ll surely burden him the following morning. despite his distaste for pegging, he’s not entirely opposed to you exploring his hole, encourages it even, when your fucking your tongue into the tight concave. jiung isn’t too vocal, but his little gasps, paired with the slight wobble of his lips when you do something particularly pleasurable, is enough to signal to you just how much your boyfriend loves to be treated like the pretty princess he is

𓇼 intak

not a brat, not incredibly docile, but a secret third thing… seriously though, intak’s approach to being submissive has you dazed and confused at times. he’s so incredibly pliant in certain situations, but squirms so damn much at other times that you mistake his natural bodily reactions as defiance. don’t punish him for pulling away please! it makes him a bit sad :( he’s just so sensitive, sometimes the constant assault of your fingers prodding at his hole and pinching his nipples is just too much for his pretty little body :( if you call him anything like “good boy” or “pup” he’s drooling, and if he had a tail, it would most definitely be wagging. intak really loves to fuck his cock into you, but all the power lies in your hands. tell him to slow down and he’s slowing the fuck down.. it’s funny how you have him wrapped around your finger. is very loud in bed, babbles a lottttt lol

𓇼 soul

so slutty bro.. he’s so willing to take anything you want to give him. breath play? he’s expecting your hand around his throat in t-minus ten seconds. you wanna tie him up? he might already know a thing or two about shibari. he’s just so excited to be the center of attention, loves your praises of his body, loves being humiliated equally as much. i think he’s the biggest fan amongst the members of edging, sho finds it so sexy that you’re in total control of his climax, feels lightheaded when you curl your fingers tightly around his tip as a make-shift cockring because you know he can’t hold it in without it :(( oh and he fully expects to be pegged, even sends you the sluttiest pictures of his fingers fucking into his hole when you’re stuck at work—just to let you know that he’s prepped himself for you :O

𓇼 jongseob

i think sub seob comes out in a very vulnerable way… he just naturally falls into subspace when he’s feeling unconfident or needy. really really loves to hear your praises every time you pop your mouth off of his cock when you’re worshipping his dick. whines so pathetically when you pull off of him suddenly, but thanks the lord above when you replace your lips with your cunt. i think he might possibly be the most pliant and obedient of the six. it takes a lot of experimenting with him for jongseob to figure out just what he likes when he’s subbing, so be patient with him. i think he’d love to be pegged every once in a while, especially if he’s a bit tipsy lol.. overall is just a good boy who wants to feel loved </3

a/n: i haven’t been beta reading anything i’ve posted tonight because i’m too lazy but i’ll come back later to do that and fix any grammatical errors if there are any lol

taglist: @woozixo @hearts4chanhee @kyokopi @astro-doll-the-star @soobiary @kyaaramello @t3ssamoodboard @angelcbf @idontknow-1s-world @vivienne-sim @elissasimp @imjustayapper @ihatewreckingballmains @sosaverse @seobing @www90kitsch @khfviq @barbiekh86t @bbyjjunie @taeyangi @fullsunstrawberry @jihnyah @intheemptymirror @watamotee33 @dreamer1299 @jixnnsie @wonootnoot @yukx-x047 @sundancearchives @chuuswifereal @seisyiss @fishsquishh @sunnyyangie

© kisseobie, please do not repost my writing!

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

[queenaeducan]

In Defense of Spirits

Or, alternatively:

I. Introduction

Spirits are one of my favourite parts of the Dragon Age lore, but they didn't start that way! Initially with Origins the various demons I fought I considered little more than cannon fodder, enemies put in my way to cut down so I could move on with my mission. With the introduction of Justice in Awakening and Dragon Age II coupled with Merrill’s alternate perspective also introduced in the latter, my feelings about them started to change. Solas and Cole crack those feelings wide open come Inquisition, and when replaying the games I found myself questioning the motivations of encounters with people I once considered one-note enemies.

I wanted to compile a list of these alternate readings of the various spirits we meet throughout the series, starting first with Origins. I'll be detailing some common themes and, where it’s appropriate, to defend their actions. This list is not comprehensive as there are some encounters I don’t consider significant or interesting enough to mention, although if someone’s curious about a particular spirit I’m happy to oblige. For the purposes of clarity, if I use the word “spirit” I am still referring to all denizens of the Fade, whether they call themselves Pride or Compassion. I may use the word “demon,” as a treat.

The purpose of this retrospective is to reflect upon the motivations of the spirits we kill through the series and how I think Bioware successfully created a world where, in this instance, we were sucked into their preconceived biases regarding spirits. And hopefully to make you feel as bad as I do when I’m forced to kill spirits who probably are better people than my player characters. I am also not arguing that everything I put forth here was intended by the writers. I have the reach and flexibility to pull out threads they didn’t expect me to.

Finally, this won’t be an exhaustive examination. There are a lot of spirits and some don’t invite discussion on my part.

II. Analytical Lens

There are several recurring themes that will crop up when I’m recontextualising the motivations of the spirits throughout the series. We’ll be going over these in detail as we talk about individual spirits, but for now:

The Veil is a construct. There was initially no barrier stopping them from moving back and forth freely, and in many ways their desire to manifest physically outside the Fade is a natural inclination. The problem being that going there and back again isn’t as easy as it once was.

They don’t understand this world. Again, I think the presence of the Veil exacerbates this. Time and again we see spirits who do have enough will to manifest safely have difficulty adjusting. 

Trying to help hurts. Spirits can’t sicken with Blight or the common cold (that we know of), but intense emotions or cruel intentions can twist them from their purposes. Those who reach out in the honest urge to help may find themselves burned, sometimes through no fault of either party.

Their design encourages dehumanisation. For lack of a better word, considering this is a land of elves, dwarves, qunari, and so on. Many of the spirits we’re asked to empathise with are humanoid, with those we are at odds with being more likely to be monstrous or animal in design, making it easier to justify why we need to choose violence.

III. Dragon Age: Origins

Mouse

Mouse is among the first spirit players will meet in Dragon Age, depending on whether or not they play the Mage origin or not. Narratively he is meant to introduce the player to the role spirits often play in the lives of mages, that is to say: an evil that is not always self-evident. He tells a sympathetic lie, presents himself as someone who was once in a position like the protagonist currently is, and wants to make sure they don’t end up like him, only for it to be revealed that the entire reason he’s there is to possess them. At least, nominally that’s his role. A second pass at Mouse’s actions does raise questions as to his true intentions.

Throughout the test Mouse encourages two things within the protagonist: their self-worth and their questioning of the ritual. The former makes sense, he is ultimately revealed to be a spirit of Pride and so to stoke the protagonist’s own pride may inflate their confidence to a point where they can’t see the potential harm in dealing with him. Still, in a society where magic is feared and mages prisoners, there is something radical in encouraging that in someone. Especially when paired with remarks Mouse makes where he questions the logic of the Harrowing itself:

“It isn’t right they do this, the Templars. Not to you, me, anyone.”

This is one of the first things he says to you, and is one of the first pieces of Circle critical rhetoric in the entire series. From the perspective of the protagonist at the time, it would seem he’s referring only to apprentices, but is he? Spirits are drawn into the Harrowing as much as mages, ostensibly willingly with the promise of a body to possess, but we see in rituals such as the one that drew Wisdom into the world that the Circle isn’t above shackling spirits into doing their bidding, be it as a means of protection or garnering information. Once inside, they’re subject to the will of the apprentice, who have been taught to fear and mistrust the Fade since they were first brought to the Circle. So is Mouse expressing bitterness about the situation of the apprentices, or is he looking at the situation as being equally unfair to all involved?

Furthermore, what’s most interesting about Mouse is he never actually tries to possess you. He makes some requests, which Surana or Amell can’t agree to, but even if you avoid catching onto his game for as long as you can it never goes farther than that. He reveals himself as the final test and before the Harrowing ends he dispenses the to-be Warden a warning:

“Simple killing is a warrior’s job. The real dangers of the Fade are preconceptions, careless trust… pride. Keep your wits about you, mage. True tests never end.”

A piece of wisdom, if you will.

I don’t believe Mouse ever truly intended to possess you, although it’s impossible to tell if he truly would or not without the ability to agree to his bargain. He gives up the game too quickly, with the Warden only needing to vaguely doubt his story before he reveals it. By following the Warden through their Harrowing he helps them successfully bargain with spirits like Valor and Sloth and safely introduces the idea that not everything here is as it seems. Rather than being purely a Pride demon, I think Mouse is a spirit of Wisdom influenced by the Warden’s preconceptions towards what some might call the darker aspect of the values he represents. 

While I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that Mouse was exactly what we’re led to believe, nevertheless I believe it probable that spirits aren’t always gleeful participants in the Harrowing and that the rite is damaging to them as well as the apprentice mages.

Desire

We go now to another spirit from the Circle, specifically the Desire demon we meet in the Broken Circle quest. When we come across her she’s possessed a Templar and letting him live out a fantasy of having a wife and children. When the Warden and their party come across her, she argues that she’s giving him what he wants and doesn’t see the harm in it. Upon my first playthrough I took this as a lie and killed her, although it was difficult not feeling bad, as from the perspective of the enthralled Templar he died defending his family from bandits. To him the Warden was unequivocally the bad guy, and it’s tragic thinking about what his final thoughts might have been.

As for Desire herself, I think there’s an argument to be made that she simply didn’t see a difference between her making a life for herself and the Templar all within his head and a physical, lived life. We see in Inquisition especially, where we talk to more spirits, that the nature of the physical world is as alien to them as the Fade is to mortals. Command wonders out loud why the rocks do not move at her command, and Cole asks Varric to talk to his shoelaces for him because they “don’t listen to him.” They existed in a world where will mattered more and where dreams were real, so it stands to reason that to Desire there is no discernable difference between giving him what he wants for real and dreaming it.

Interestingly, you can choose to let them both go, and we get no indication of where they go from the Circle. Leliana also approves because she thinks what counts is that he’s happy. Personally I don’t feel there’s a right option in this quest as either leaves the Templar in a tragic spot, but I do think the Desire demon’s motivations aren’t as evil or manipulative as they seemed on my first playthrough.

Lady of the Forest

The Lady is perhaps the first spirit in the series given a more complicated character than “spirit good, demon bad.” We have Valor in the mage origin, Wynne’s spirit of Faith, etc, but they aren’t given much characterisation and their benevolent nature is taken as a matter of fact. We have a biased introduction to her, we see the damage she has done to Zathrian’s clan and hear his side of the story. We go into the forest to carve the heart from her chest.

But when the time comes to actually speak with her, his bias and deception is plain. She has all the trappings of a demon: summoned at a point of great tragedy, as a tool of vengeance, enacting a literal curse upon Zathrian’s enemies. Yet now she is an advocate for non-violent solutions, only compelled to violence by desperation (she sent letters but Zathrian left her on read) or by the player’s encouragement (potentially). I do think this was an end she worked towards, and didn’t come by naturally, saying to the Warden at one point:

“Then the time has come to… set our rage aside. I apologise on Swiftrunner’s behalf. He struggles with his nature.”

While she is speaking of Swiftrunnher, given she is the curse’s origin, I think the same could be said of her nature (as it is her curse). Zathrian implies much the same, saying to her:

“Your nature compels it, as does mine.”

I think it’s very likely that had we encountered the Lady those hundred years ago when she was first made, she would have been to our eyes a demon, rather than the semi-benevolent force of nature she appears as in-game. Interestingly, her outward nature doesn’t change if she is compelled to kill the Dalish. She isn’t thrilled, but neither is her nature twisted. She���s pretty quick to move on, afterwards. Of the major spirits in DA:O, I do think she is an outlier in the series. Killing her is the bad option, especially when a mutually beneficial solution is forced upon you. She also has a stronger presence of mind than many of the other spirits, perhaps accounting to her age and the fact that she is tethered to the world through not only Zathrian but her ‘followers.’ It’s fitting that the Dalish quest is the one where a spirit is presented not only sympathetically, but (as far as I can tell) exclusively referred to as a spirit whether they are doing right or wrong.

Rage

We meet many Rage demons in Origins, and throughout the series, but the spirit I’m referring to are the ones we meet in the Alienage’s orphanage. The recent site of a massacre, the orphanage is now home to a spirit of Rage who attacks those who enter. Rage, I thought, was a curious choice, when Despair and Terror exist. Although the fact that they probably didn’t want to make a new spirit model for this one sidequest would probably explain it on a development level, but then I wondered— whose rage?

The spirits don’t seem to embody the rage of the people who massacred the orphanage, or even the rage of the victims. They tell the Warden and Ser Otto that they “do not belong here” and one is furious that the party has killed “my brood.” I think the presence of the spirits here is indicative of how helpful or benevolent spirits can be twisted by the horrors of our world, that they were drawn by the misery of what happened at the orphanage and upon witnessing it they became enraged. They are ultimately protecting nothing, just an empty building that’s probably best torn down or cleared out, or whatever the elves of Denerim’s Alienage decide they need to properly mourn. Yet as we walk through the building the screams of children still play around us, it’s still happening for its current residents.

In the final encounter of the quest, the Rage demon targets and kills Ser Otto (assuming those mabari you encounter like two minutes in don’t get him first, like they do for me every time if I’m not paying attention) first out of your entire party. It makes sense, although his motivation was pure, he is representative of the human justice that allows horrors like this, and what’s more— how many orphans were taken from the orphanage’s midst by people wearing armour just like his, never to return?

The rage demons had every right to be angry, even if their anger manifested in a harmful way. The tragedy is that, outside of Denerim’s Alienage, most people weren’t.

IV. Other

These are spirits whose roles I don’t have much to say about, for one reason or another.

Kitty. I don’t have much to say about Kitty, who as a reminder is the spirit held captive in the basement of Wilhelm, the former master of Shale. Given Kitty can agree to not possess Amalia, content simply to be free of the basement, and then doubles back on that promise once you complete the puzzle, I don’t have the highest opinion of Kitty. However, can I do want to point out that Wilhelm held Kitty captive in his basement for decades for his research. Research which, by the way, was to find ways to prevent mages from becoming possessed. A little ironic that he essentially possessed a spirit to do so. I want to point this out only because I think it highlights how spirits are casually used by people and at no point do we stop and wonder what decades of being locked up in a basement outside of their intended realm of existence might do to someone, even a metaphysical someone.

Herren. The merchant and life partner of the blacksmith Wade, who may have made your Warden some nice armour from all those endangered dragons they killed. In the Darkspawn Chronicles Herren is fought— as a desire demon. Gaider says this is not canon, but he doesn’t even go here anymore, so instead I’d like to put forth the idea that Herren is a desire demon taken physical form who lives out his existence peacefully (if somewhat grumpily) with his eccentric husband. I have no evidence of this being a fact, in fact I have the opposite of evidence, but I like my version better, so.

The Grand Oak. I think everyone with a modicum of taste likes this guy, but I do think he's an interesting lens to look at how spirits in Elvhenan might have lived. I like to think all of them had a period where they just vibed as a tree for a hundred years or so.

[okonogikonomi]

lithium.

i wanna stay in love with my sorrow.

Kn8 + depressed!reader.

feelin a little down today myself

Kafka Hibino has dealt with depression before. Hell, before joining the Defense Force, he wasn't doing so hot himself. So he understands and relates to what you're going through, even if he's baffled by why someone as kind as you would have so much self hate. He takes very good care of you, in all contexts and all the time, but especially when you're having a down day, he's very gentle with you. However, if you get too down on yourself, he may argue with you and try to convince you of your worth. He's kind of afraid that one of you won't be able to cope anymore one day.

Mina Ashiro has never exactly been depressed, but is an empathetic person. She sees how hurt you are and it hurts her, too. Lots of cuddles and she pushes you to work out with her, which helps. She thinks of the two of you as partners in everything--crime, life, love, everything--so if you're suffering, she'll be right there with you. She's a good shoulder to cry on. Isn't as arguments as Kafka, but will gently reprimand you if you say something really awful about yourself. She's the type who will listen and hold you, but not try to "fix" anything if you don't want her to. Will give you space if needed, and while she worries, she has faith that you'll make it through your tougher days.

Reno Ichikawa was a pretty gloomy kid, and his grandmother may have had some chronic depression after their family's passing. He's unsure about this, but your symptoms sure are familiar to him as someone who heard his grandma cry herself to sleep every night. Because of this he's really worried and protective. You get into some heated arguments and might even be on-again-off-again because he gets so upset when you badmouth yourself. At the very least, he'd never let you cry yourself to sleep alone. If you needed to do so, he'd hold you the whole time until you were finally out.

Soshiro Hoshina probably has little to no experience with depression as a disease, but has his share of insecurities and such. Therefore he's able to empathize with you pretty easily. He's another one who would listen when you need to vent and do his best not to be the "fix it" guy, although he really does want to snap his fingers and make it go away. Some days are better than others, he'll be there for all of them. He'd beat up anyone who judged you or exacerbated your negative feelings. Pays for your therapy.

Iharu Furuhashi is so confused about why you're crying all of a sudden? He has 0 experience with this kind of thing, and it scares him when his partner has an issue he can't get rid of or fix. Still, he's supportive. He does a lot of research on depression in order to help you. Probably becomes very publicly affectionate, if you're alright with it, and talks you up a lot when you're not feeling like yourself. Yells at you to take your meds or hell bite!!

Gen Narumi has 0% understanding of mental illness and doesn't tend to be very empathetic as a person. So at first, he's dismissive of your feelings in a "why can't you just make it stop?" kind of way. As time goes on, though, he realizes you have little to no control over this. Once he figures that out, he makes tangible effort to Get It. Probably goes to Hasegawa for advice. He tries to spend time with you and take care of you best he can when you're unwell, but a lot of the time he feels like it's not enough. Probably out of everyone he'd be the most terrified of you not being able to keep going at some point.

Rin Shinonome has trouble understanding when you have bad days. She does her best to take care of you, but she feels flustered and unsure how to help. She'll probably ask you what she can do, and if you don't have an answer she'll kinda panic. Like, do you not want her help? She knows that's probably not it, but wonders sometimes. Isn't keen on leaving you alone, even if you request it.

[drchucktingle]

Good day Dr. Tingle. I haven't read your stories, but I've known about you from afar in this website for a while. Your recent post about separating Ideas and Message is very similar to how I teach a class. I wanted to ask you, if you could share some of your Messages, in whichever structure/length/complexity you think about them before writing, to have some real world examples to show in class.

Personally I tend to simplify and shorten my messages as much as possible, like "everyone deserves forgiveness" for example, so that I can permeate it throughout the story, and so that anyone experiencing the story can come to a similarish conclusion.

I'm curious as to how your Messages look like inside your head, during the creative process. Not the refined versions used for marketing and sales and stuff.

Thank you!

sure buckaroo.

high concept idea of the book STRAIGHT was this: zombie apocalypse story but the rage only effects straight cis people (there is also a second high concept idea in there which is: what if zombie plague only happened one day a year? how would culture handle this politically and otherwise?)

so i had this idea that i thought was good, but before i can write it i think 'well what do i want to SAY about this? what am i FEELING?'

and i realized that i was a little torn about how to write this story because of the one day a year thing. when is it okay to fight back? can you hurt a zombie if it turns back into a person the next day? is that right or wrong? and WHEN is it right or wrong? what situations?

then i realized that with the metaphor of this story what i was really asking was something bigger: why is it up to the victims (in this case queer buckaroos) to be forced to make these decisions? marginalized groups have TWO kinds of violations done to them, the first is the obvious act of violation, but the second is that they are forced to use their time and mental space and emotional tolerance to learn how to HANDLE the first violation in an 'acceptable way'

so THAT became my message. if you want to know how i feel about these questions you can read STRAIGHT and find out.

CAMP DAMASCUS high concept idea was (SPOILERS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ CAMP DAMASCUS STOP READING HERE) what if the church really DID decide the ends justify the means and instead of stopping demonic possession they were inflicting demonic possession to counter sinful acts.

but that is not the message of the book. that is just the idea. if i just had that idea i would not write it, but as things evolved i realized WHAT i wanted to say with this story

in this situation WHO is the force of 'evil'? would it be the demons? would it be the possessed? or would it be the SYSTEM AND MENTALITY that was creating this situation in the first place? so the book sets out the answer this question and express the conclusion that ive made for myself

i also noticed that many churches who are anti gay have a sort of infantilizing trot with how they handle their young buckaroos. this idea that gay feelings will just go away if they are ignored and that they can almost keep young queer buckaroos from ever aging into fully realized adults. obviously i think this is WRONG and so fighting back against this mentality became part of the message as well, and that informed most of the metaphor and symbolism in the book.

it is important to keep in mind that sometimes the message can change. as the book trots along i am LEARNING myself, working out these thoughts on the page and coming to a conclusion of my own. this is actually VERY true of BURY YOUR GAYS, which is probably most autobiographical thing i have written. i will save talking about that MESSAGE and HIGH CONCEPT for after book is out though

EDIT FOR CLARITY OF MY WAY:

when i say i write MESSAGE FIRST that does not mean i think of the message first in TIME (although that does happen sometimes) it means the message is the most important thing over plot or characters or anything like that (although those are important too). it means that i write with message as my north star, which is rare, but it is how i make art

[glitch-karma]

They flirt with you while drunk ;)

I only did characters I think would actually drink

Also some of them a slightly spicy so here ya go simps (Talking to myself.)

Dazai

This is a semi-regular thing

"Y/n, belladonna, let's go back to my place~"

"Dazai.. PLEASE shut up."

At first, you thought it was sweet an cute; but now it's just something you have to deal with

Most of the time it ends with him falling asleep

But there's been a couple of times Kunikida has had to help you with him

Kunikida

Yosano convinced him to drink and unsurprisingly; He is a lightweight

He immediately got really goofy, startling you. Was this really Kunikida?

You tried helping him the best you could as he stumbled like a toddler and kept losing his own glasses

"Kida maybe you should sit down.."

He suddenly grabbed your hand and stared into your eyes

You were confused till you heard him mumble in a slur of words:

"You're stunning.. Have yous.. Always been this beautiful?"

All. Eyes. On. You.

You stared in shock as Kunikida still held your hand

After that, he passed out

You took him back to his apartment afterward

When he woke up the next morning and remembered what he said: he wanted to die.

Needless to say he apologized a million and one times

Yosano

Yosano is usually very good at holding her liquor, but this time she went a tad bit overboard

She was wobbling a lot and kept grabbing onto your waist, which you thought was cute

You held her while she kept stuttering and hiccuping like a goof

It was the end of the night and you were helping her home

You reached her apartment and were about to leave when she grabbed you by the collar, and basically straddled you in bed

"Don't be going so soon darling.. hicc.. You're so gorgeous I could cut you up.."

WHOAAAAAA

You were about a million shades of red as she ran her hands up and down your thighs

She started pulling your hair, forcing you to look into her eyes

At this point, you were ready to let anything happen

Just as your lips were about to touch, she fell asleep.

You sat there in shock

"Damnit... I was just getting excited."

The next morning you both had a nice breakfast and forgot everything that happened

Chuuya

Chuuya regularly drinks and with you, a bit of flirting is inevitable from him

You usually entertain it cause he's cute trying to flirt

But sometimes he'll get a little spicy kick to his flirting

"Y/n.." "Yes, dear-"

Bam

He slammed you against the wall

You were in shock as he leaned his head into your hair

"You're mine.. Forever.."

You calmed down and you both hugged before you forced him to go to bed

Nikolai

Nikolai, when not doing things for doa, does drink occasionally

On those occasions he tends to mess with you and tease you more than usual

"My my, it's my beautiful darlinggg~"

Nikolai is already very clingy with you, but drunk? Oh boy

He is literally laying on top of you and constantly talking to you

He places kisses all over your face and trys to make you flustered

Usually by the end of the night you both fall asleep on top on one another

Ango

Although Ango's job at the special ops is more strict than the P.M, I'd like to imagine Ango still drinks occasionally: whether it be after a hard day or in Oda's memory

I feel like he'd be a lot more open, and a tad bit more emotional

Definitely would need a lot of hugs from you

I feel like he wouldn't really flirt, more like appreciate you like a god/goddess

There will definitely be cuddles and kisses

[estellardreams]

Hehe welp back onto the "Sharing a room" bit I think I can make this work-

Granted the sitcom format starts going down in between all of the pain and misery and suffering- I'm getting ahead of myself OKAY!

I think that although all of them don't like it, Wukong personally would not want to sleep anywhere near Macaque... And the lesser of two evils seems much better. Red only chose the middle one to stop the constant arguing and forced cuddling cause he absolutely HATED that and hated how every single time the shadow monkey tried to initiate it reminded him of King Red. And he HATES King Red so no surprise there. Which left the only other bed available to Macaque... Simple.

Sleep positions feel all over the place, too. Do you think that once Red gets ahold of a plush he starts hugging it in his sleep cause I think he would do that out of instinct okay-

Wukong just... Loses half of his blanket to the floor he moves around so much. That is not his bed it's for the next two years sadly why is it so UNCOMFORTABLE why isn't it like his home back at flower fruit mountain like a silky hammock or plush mattress it's way too FIRM-

Red probably sleeps just fine on a more firm mattress. He doesn't sleep on beds too often mostly at his desk tbh but when he does that mattress needs to support him not sink him in. But sometimes the insomnia kicks in and it's nearly impossible for him to fall asleep... That is until Wukong finally helped him get a small plush a way to rebel against the King's image: A cutesy pony doll. Sure it's made out of hair but what can you do in this situation?

Macaque CANONICALLY SLEEPS ON TREES. He's more monkey than the Monkey King for crying out loud! So of course a stiff bed isn't going to be much of a problem. The new issue is that he's not used to having so much ROOM on a mattress it feels like you're sleeping on concrete now why is it like that and not slightly itchy bark why-

*ahem* anyway. Silly rambles aside I'm sure everyone's having a great time, right? /sarcastic

[DKR and TT Red belong to @purble-turble]

Original bedroom model I made:

Seperated images + no blanket transparent (for poses) below cut:

[di-42]

2024 fic roundup

Finally getting round to doing this! Just in time for the end of the year!

Many, many thanks to @curiouspupsicle and @bellisima-writes for tagging me all those weeks ago, ant to @cheeseplants for creating the questions. Enjoy curious's answers here, bellisima's answers here, cheeseplants's answers here.

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens, only Good Omens, nothing but Good Omens.

How many words have you published in 2024?

133k. Huh! Me?

What is your greatest achievement this year?

In the context of fandom and fanfiction, being brave enough to put myself out there and share my work is probably my greatest personal achievement. But I'm also quite proud to have plotted an 85k fiction while working 55 hours a week (and being lucky enough to have a husband and friends to spend my free time with).

What are your favourite top three fics you wrote this year?

That's an easy one! None of my favourite three are the ones with more engagement, strangely enough!

And I Did, rated E, 85k.

While I know this could have been written much better, I am incredibly proud of this fiction. It's whole season 3 fiction where I managed to pour all my headcanon in a way that hopefully doesn't feel too forced. I think it has an original plot, good side characters and tension. I tried to throw in some humour wherever possible as well. It features Supreme Archangel Aziraphale and Grand Duke of Hell Crowley. They haven't talked for almost two years. The end of the world is approaching. They are on opposite sides. And they both know neither of them was ever going to make a different choice to the one they made.

Only Ever Meant For Someone Else, rated T, 9k.

My first human AU, wheee! It was so much fun to write! I think writing human AUs allows so much freedom, although one shots and shorter stories can be a bit harder than canon compliant short stories. But I had a chance to explore some versions of the characters that I don't really see in canon, but very much enjoy in fictions, and wanted to try my hand at that. And I liked the result! Written for the Scribbling Vaguely Downwards advent calendar.

Every year, the night before Christmas, taxi driver Aziraphale drives passengers to and from the hospital for charity. On the Christmas morning of 2023 he was ready to go home and rest with a cup of tea, a mince pie, and a book after a long night.

Guess who?

“No, you may not!” Barked the other. Then he started pacing up and down the pavement, rambling to himself. “Anathema’s going to kill me. She’s actually going to kill me! She had to go into labour on fucking Christmas day, just my luck!”

Oh, dear.

“In-into labour?”

The stranger stopped pacing and, yet again, looked at Aziraphale sternly. He joined together the tips of his right thumb and forefinger, and punctuated his next words with a gracious movement of his hand.

“Yeah. It means she’s about to give birth.”

“Does it, now.”

Angel! Angel! They're At It Again! rated M, 5k

I really love this little story of mine. I've been told that it made some readers cry and laugh at the same time, and it doesn't get much better than that.

It's the year 2030. The world never ended. Aziraphale and Crowley are living happily and safely together as a married couple. Everything would be well, if it wasn't that lately Aziraphale has been a bit busy. A bit distracted. Now, Crowley can't have that, can he? He seeks the advice of his girlfriends, who unwittingly give him an idea on how to liven up his marriage.

A fluffy story about how we get to a certain cottage.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Tying up all the loose ends in And I Did. Sometimes it felt like I was just hitting a wall and I couldn't possibly ever go through. I felt so embarrassed -mortified, really- that some people had read the story up to a certain point and I had just to let them down, because I couldn't possibly write anything that would make sense with the rest of the story. Even though the main points were planned from the beginning, there were still all those little details that write themselves, basically, and I had no idea what to do with some of them towards the end. I still don't know how I managed to pull it off, honestly, but somehow I did it in a way that I found satisfying enough.

What have you learned?

That people are so much better than I am. Really. And I don't mean at writing fiction. Well, people are better than me at writing fiction, but that's not what I mean here. The amount of people who are ready to read about someone else's ideas and headcanons with an open mind, enjoy stories that they don't necessarily agree with, is astounding. I have very much to learn from this community.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I could tell you. But then I would have to erase your memory.

A fiction that has never made it off the ground is a fiction that has yet to make it off the ground.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

I was asked a couple of times, but due partly to my lack of time, partly to English not being my first language, I had to reluctantly decline. I do offer my thoughts on my betas' fictions, though. One of them hasn't published her work yet, and the other has a fantastic one shot on Ao3, called The Corset.

Aziraphale never understood just why he had been issued with a body likes his. He was the Guardian of the Eastgate, after all! So when in the 17th century corsets for men were fashionable again, he had an idea ...

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Hah! We both know it's not going to be only three, don't we?

Some of these fics were written before, some long before, 2024, but I only read them this year. It's quite hard to pick my favourites among so much talent and creativity, but I'll do my best. I also can't help but notice that my all time favourites are not among the superpopular ones, so please don't be shy and check them out! (And leave kudos and comments!)

The Beginning Of The End (Again), rated M, 78k.

Season 3 fiction full of plot, great characterisation, humour and pining. It has of course a happy ending. It is beyond me how this fic didn't get more engagement, especially when it first came out, closer to the end of season 2.

The Anon Before Christmas, rated E, 66k.

One of my favourite human AUs. The characterisation is spot on and the slow burn is just absolutely perfect. But I did love the whole array of characters surrounding Crowley and Aziraphale. I love how this story is as much about friendship and chosen family than it is about love and romance.

The Bookseller And The Garden, rated T, 13k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley is a demon stationed on earth, Aziraphale is an angel stationed on earth, but they have never met until present day. There's no end of the world in sight, only an angel and a demon falling in love and not knowing how to break it to the other that they're not human. I laughed all the way through.

Wrong Turn, rated T, 37k.

Honestly, I don't know why this fiction touched me so much. I just couldn't stop thinking about it for days after I finished it. It's a post season 1 fiction where Crowley suddenly finds himself in a parallel universe at the time the apocalypse is just about to happen. The Crowley and Aziraphale in that universe have a different history to our Crowley and Aziraphale. All our Crowley wants to do is to go back to his universe and his very own angel, but how? As you follow the main plot and focus on Crowley's thoughts and actions, you'll start slowly feeling the other story get hold of you, and it won't let go until the very end and beyond.

Happiness, More Or Less, rated M, 21k

This human AU moved me so very much I cried. Crowley moves into his new flat in Soho, only to discover the flat in haunted by the ghost of the owner of the bookshop downstairs. I won't tell anything else about the plot other than it does have a very sweet happy ending, and it gets there via a rollercoaster of emotions. This is really one of those fictions that leave me in awe of the fandom's talent and creativity. Read it, read it, read it!

One last one that I haven't finished reading yet, but I know it's one of my all time favourites, is The Last Angel, rated E, 162k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley and Aziraphale were never assigned to earth, Armageddon happened and hell won the war. I've said many things about this fiction, among which that I can't believe the writer does this in her spare time and writing is not actually her job, and this is the most Good Omens-y fic I have ever read. It's astoundingly good.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Watch out for The Angel Horror Show! When I learned that Peter Hinwood, the actor who played Rocky in The Rocky Horror Picture Show didn't have a long career as an actor, bout instead went on to become an antiques dealer, I knew I had to write this fiction with Aziraphale as the actor who many years ago played Angel/Rocky in The Angel Horror Show and subsequent film The Angel Horror Picture Show and is now living a comfortable life as a book and antiques dealer, and Crowley as the actor who played Demon/Frank, and went on to become a successful movie and theatre actor and director. I've just started writing it and I'm extremely excited about it!

Who do you want to thank?

Without the shadow of a doubt @sabine-smitten-obviously and IneffableShortCake who have been so incredibly generous with their time and support in the past 8 months! But also everyone who's ever left me a comment making me feel like my stories were liked, from the long comments to the ones with just enthusiastic syllables, from the incredibly witty ones to the more personal ones, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tag, answer any Qs that suit and play along!

I think because I'm so late in the game that most of the writers I would usually tag have already been tagged by someone else, but perhaps a few haven't done this yet.

@smua70 @ngk-668 @ineffable-duck7

And anyone who wants to answer!

This was fun!

[sweetestlamb]

Fire Meet Gasoline

Summary: Im Sol and Sun Jae spend some quality time together.🤭

Author's note: I can't believe I haven't written anything in this long(sorry to those of you waiting on incomplete stories life got real😩) but this drama took me by surprise and I physically couldn't stop myself from producing this filth so I hope you enjoy this offering.

The bright ring of her laughter makes his heart feel too small for his chest as he tries his hardest not to stare at her, fill himself up on her presence and still feel starved for more.

He has no clue what exactly they're watching but Sol's persistent giggles are enough to make it his new favorite show. He leans back into the plush cradle of his couch eyes straight ahead but his focus solely on the woman next to him.

It still feels like a dream. He's been pathetically pining for her for years but never expecting anything to manifest from his one sided feelings. So her sudden unprovoked confession was a thunder bolt straight into his heart.

I liked you too.

How could that have been the case? He had long accepted that she would never be his, cried over it, yelled about it to anyone who would listen and then forced his feelings down into a dark hole in his chest. Never to be realized but now everything had changed.

"Sun Jae? Are you listening? Do you want to watch something else?"

He staggers from his thoughts, eager to have a reason to place his gaze on her pretty face. That pretty face that has captivated him for years effortlessly. Those pretty lips that are always taunting him, begging to be kissed, bitten, soothed and then tormented all over again.

"Are you not feeling well? You're turning so red. Do you need to lay down?" She leans closer now invading his space and the television is a murmured drone in the distance now. He drinks her up like an oasis in the desert, eyes trembling shut as she lifts her hand to press against his forehead.

Her skin is buttery soft and he's been longing to be touched by these very hands for so long that instinctively he nuzzles in deeper, desperate for all he can get. Still terrified that he'll wake up and this will have been a dream, a fantasy concocted by his desperate heart.

So he latches on, if this is all a dream he's going the make the most of every second he's allowed to be with her.

Her eyes are wide as she gazes at him shocked by his boldness he assumes. That's her usual reaction and he's grown used to it although it confuses him at times, he sometimes finds her looking at him like she's in disbelief too.

He moves closer, hesitating for only a minute before getting confidence from the way she stills and blinks up at him as if waiting for his next move. He watches hungrily as she gulps nervously but not once does she move away or look away from his heated stare.

Her waist feels infinitely small in his soft grip and he flushes at the strip of bare skin he feels, his thumb brushes her warm skin in a gentle sweep.

"Sun Jae...."

His name has never sounded sweeter.

The palm that was previously on his forehead slips down to cup his cheek and he feels a similar sensation on his warm flesh.

"I should go home soon."

He can hear the clear reluctance in her voice and that brings a smile to his face. They've spent so much time together since revealing their feelings but it's never enough for him and he's elated that Im Sol feels the same.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

He shrugs pretending to be aloof. Before he tugs her closer and drags one of her legs over his lap.

He's eager to feel her weight on him again, last time they made out here she'd crawled onto his lap like she belonged there and almost short circuited the electricity to his brain. But this time he was prepared and he wasn't shy to make the first move.

"I'm thinking about last time."

Her blush is immediate. He wonders how far down it goes....

"Stop. Stop looking at me like that." She mumbles glancing away.

As if he could. He's been controlling himself all these years, it feels like a dam has burst now and he knows there is no possible way to go back to his tethering self control.

"How am I looking at you? Hmmm?" He teases and he sees the exact moment that she decides she's tired of this game. Her shyness never lasts for long in these situations.

"Are you teasing me?"

"What if I am?"

"That would be mean." She pouts prettily knowing exactly what that wobbling bottom lip does to him.

"I'm sorry. I'll be nice."

And she grins at his acquiesce thinking that she's won and he allows her a few minutes of uninterrupted glee before lifting her the rest of the way and plopping her in his waiting lap in one smooth motion.

"Sun Jae!" She squeaks in surprise but he notes the way that she moves even closer while making herself comfortable and the way that her hands settle on his shoulders.

"Aren't I heavy?"

He scoffs at her question, leaning up until their faces are mere inches apart.

"Don't be ridiculous. I could stand up right now and still hold you with no problem."

And he can see her imagining that very scene, from the way that her cheeks brighten and her pupils dilate.

"Oh. Do you want to see Im Sol?"

He's only teasing, there's no way that she'll actu-

"Yeah. Do it. Show me."

And now he's the one in complete shock.

She's always been beautiful to him. Pure. Sweet. Innocent.

But right now the only word he can think of to describe the look on her face is sexy. Seductive even.

"Are you serious?"

"Mmmhmm. Show me, please." She begs so prettily.

Fuck.

He's hard.

He needs to get her off his lap. He can feel the throbbing and he knows that her words are affecting him. The last thing he wants to do is scare her away.

"You....um. I'll drive you home. Come on, let's go."

He starts to move her off his lap but then she grinds down and he knows that it's too late, she's felt him. In a way that no other has before her.

He tries not to let shame overcome him.

But he closes his eyes not wanting to see her reaction to his lust for her. They haven't yet discussed this part of their relationship and he doesn't want to pressure her or reveal that he's never done this before, any of this.

He's inexperienced and it feels pathetic.

Alas he's so lost in his head that it takes a few moments to realize what's happening in his own lap.

"What are.... what are you doing?!"

She doesn't answer him with words but her hips never stop, swiveling and grinding, side to side and then back and forth.

"Wait! Stop Im Sol, you don't have to-"

"I don't want to stop. Can't I do this?"

No. His brain screams. She can't do this because it's going to end in his embarrassment. He's already close and she's barely even begun.

"Yeah, you can. Do whatever you want."

Somehow those are the words that leave his mouth. His body incapable of denying her anything she desires.

She smiles sweetly at him before dipping down and placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

It's not enough.

His grip on her waist tightens as he reaches to meet her and kiss her as if it's his last chance. His tongue meets no resistance as he presses against her lips, plunging into her sweet hole eagerly.

She moans softly wrapping her arms around his shoulder even tighter, melting into him as their kissing intensifies and he grows harder at the noises she makes as she continues to torture him.

They need to cool down. But there's only gasoline in the room.

He pushes her sweater up, desperate to feel her skin and almost loses his sanity when she does the same, tugging his tucked shirt out of his pants.

"You must work out a lot to have a body like this." She whispers as she runs her small hand over the dips in his abs.

He groans deeply into her neck, unable to contain himself now with passion washing over him in deep waves. He bucks up into her jeans covered warm center and simultaneously grabs her ass forcing her down onto him harder, more intentional. He wishes there was nothing between them, that he could spread her wide open and just thrust until they were both spent.

They are a tangle of limbs at this point, grinding into each other as if their lives depend on it.

And her breasts are right there in front of his face. Small but enticing all the same. He can see her nipples peeking through the material of her sweater and that must mean she's not wearing a bra. She must be trying to kill him and he wants to rip her sweater over her head and see them, taste them, fill his hands with them.

Giving her ample time to stop him he trails his hands up her side, stopping just below her ribcage. When all she does is moan louder and rock down onto him he takes that as her response.

He starts with only his thumb, rubbing across the pebbled nub lightly through her sweater at first and then harder as she pushes her chest forward.

"You're perfect." He whispers in awe, cupping her fully now the weight of her perky breasts sheer perfection in his hands.

He wants to feel them with nothing in between them.

He realizes with a jolt he wants to.... have sex with her.

All his group members had teased him for years about his lack of sexual drive. They all had thousands of women throwing themselves at them daily but he never looked at any, never took them up on their offers no matter how eagerly they begged him to use them. They said filthy things to him but never before had anyone gotten him this hot and ready.

He was a virgin by choice.

But now he finally understands the appeal.

He squeezes her breast with his left hand and starts to lift her sweater with his right, their eyes locked as he slowly starts to undress her. It feels like he's been starving and now he can finally eat.

He takes in each inch of skin that is revealed bit by bit, hungry to see her naked breasts.

Bzzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzz.

Bzzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzz.

He drops her shirt.

She looks beautifully dazed but then she realizes that it's her phone that interrupted them.

He groans as she frantically searches for it while still on his lap.

She answers with a sigh and pure regret in her eyes.

He can hear her mother's agitated voice though the tiny speakers and he knows that this forbidden moment is all but over.

In his head he knows that this is probably for the best, they were moving way too fast but the selfish horny side of him wishes that he had thrown the phone far away. Images of her naked body undulating on his hard length all flash through his mind.

"I should go."

"Yeah."

But neither one of them move. Too revved up to process what just happened.

"Ummm did we almost.... were we about to...??"

She's a beautiful mess, hair disheveled, lips plush and red, clothes skewed and he wants to mess her up even more. Wants to watch sweat drip down her back as he pounds into her from behind.

And damn that's new, he's never been this desperate for it before.

"I wanted to."

He's honest. Still too raw to be anything but in this moment.

"You did?"

Hadn't that been obvious, hell it's still obvious as he hasn't gone down yet.

"You're literally sitting on my....."

She blinks. He bucks.

"Oh. Oh!....yeah but that's a natural...human reaction. You can't control it even if you didn't want to.....do that with me."

"It's only ever happened with you. No one else."

Her eyes brighten more if that's even possible.

"Wait do you mean...?"

He gulps nervously but he can't lie to her.

"Yeah I've never done this with anyone. Just you."

"Just....me. Then let me give you a gift."

He tilts his head at her statement before he almost chokes on his own tongue.

Quicker than lightning hm she grabs both his hands and pulls them hard forcing them under her shirt and onto her naked chest.

"Fuck."

She rubs his palms across her nipples.

"Touch me."

And he needs no other encouragement. He goes wild, pinching her before soothing her hot skin with soft caresses. She lets him play with her, pushing her chest out and giving into his rough treatment.

And then just as suddenly she stands up.

"That's enough for tonight."

It's like a bucket of cold water has been thrown over his head.

"I'm going to use the bathroom first." She runs from the room and he watches in stunned silence.

But then he notices the stumble in her walk. As if her knees are weak. She grips the wall tightly as she escapes.

He lets out a weak chuckle.

What are they getting into and will they be able to survive it?

[spikedsoul]

Imagine the fanfic happening in the movie universe.

Honey is the maid (Human, maybe?) that takes care of Bowser, feeding him and listening to his new Peach songs. Until, one day, the songs aren't about Peach anymore.

Gently hold small husband with salad tongs-

CAN YOU IMAGINE also um I couldn't help myself. Did i get carried away? Yes! (Although I didn't include the last bit, sorry!) Hopefully I kept him in character from the movie lmao

You were used to hearing Bowser talk and sing about Peach as you made his food, did his laundry, cleaned his room like the giant manchild he was. The only time he acknowledged that you existed was when he needed to bend someone's ear about his plans (marrying Peach) and Kamek wasn't around... but you weren't complaining. It was steady work and steady pay, and you were taken care of well enough that for now, you could handle it. In fact the only regular direct interaction you had with him was bringing his food, and he usually just snatched it from you without a word.

You'd also been privy to some of his more tender moments, a mere anonymous shoulder to lament to. Over the years, you'd learned to see past the anger, past the obsession, to know he's got a heart buried deep inside that chest - if only someone could reach it. But you kept it all to yourself - he probably still didn't know your name.

And why should he? He was a king, and you were paid to be a maid, silent and invisible. And that was fine. Things didn't need to be complicated. It was a simple business transaction.

You slipped into his music room as you'd done so many times before, listening to him play as you quietly got to work tidying up around him.

Sometimes it felt like he didn't even know you were there - but that allowed you to sort of see under that spiked shell of his, so you really didn't mind. Although, he never stopped playing either way, so who knew?

"Tell me, sweetheart," you heard him rumble over the music, "what is it that keeps you here?"

You hadn't heard those lyrics before, but the spoken word style suited them.

He chuckled - well, cackled more like - as he continued playing. "So diligently taking care of my castle, and me, and never once caring to speak up. So content to stay hidden in the background. You've never recoiled from my touch or looked at me like the villain I am, nor have you let leak any of my.... hmm, less than proud moments. So tell me, my sweet little handmaiden, do you think you're invisible to me?"

You dropped your broom in shock and spun around to see him, but he wasn't anywhere in sight. The only sound that echoed through the chamber now was the clatter of the broom handle hitting the floor.

What the fuck just happened? Did you hallucinate all of that just now? Your wide eyes swept the room in front of you, your mouth hanging open; it's been a while since you'd been on a proper vacation, so maybe you had imagined it...

With a quiet sigh, you turned around to pick up your broom - only to be met with a massive, scaly paw wrapping gently around your throat, clawed thumb forcing your head back by your chin. Your face flushed brightly as you stared doe-eyed right into King Bowser's grinning face.

"L-Lord Bowser," you stammered, absolutely ashamed of how you felt about his warm hand encompassing your neck so easily. Through all your interactions, this was the first time you'd ever touched him, and you had to admit his scales were smoother than you'd expected.

His eyes narrowed as he watched you, his nostrils fluttering as he dragged you a little closer to him. That terrible, beautiful grin didn't leave him.

"My silent little human minion," he purred; his breath wafted over your face, the smell of woodsmoke heavy in your nose. "I've been thinking a lot lately, you know.... about you. About us. About what could be..."

"Wh-what can I do for you, sir?" Your voice quivered and you could feel your throat bob against his hand when you swallowed; his not so subtle implications were making you dizzy.

He hummed, bringing his free hand up to drag his claws through your locks. "I want you to tell me about me. I want to know what a mere human like you thinks of the great Lord Bowser - and I want your true feelings, got it?" he growled quietly. "You've seen more of me than even Kamek is privy to, and I demand to know why you stick around."

You resisted the urge to let out a sigh; he was just fishing for compliments, thank God, despite his thinly veiled threat. If you actually told him the truth, you feared you'd end up dead. Not that you really had bad things to say! Bowser was just a little unpredictable sometimes.

You brought your hands up to lightly rest them over the one that held your throat, but you didn't try pulling away one way or another. That seemed to confuse Bowser, his head tilting to the side as his grin slowly faded.

"Well, sir," you murmured, slowly relaxing, "even though you desire to dominate other kingdoms and crush your enemies... you still seem like you would treat your allies well. I mean, look at me: I'm a lowly maid, but I get paid well and I feel relatively protected on the occasion things get a little... ah, rough. As fierce as you are... I don't feel like I need to fear you, exactly. Which is a good thing as your employee."

Bowser's pupils dilated slightly as he seemed to consider your words. You just hoped they were honeyed enough to appease him instead of set him off, but either way you'd find out in a few seconds.

"...That ain't all, is it?" he finally huffed. "I know you got more opinions on me than that political shit you just spouted, so tell me. Promise I won't get mad." And then he gave you the best puppy dog eyes you'd ever seen.

Oh, heavens help you. There was zero reason for this koopa to be so.... cute.

You took a deep breath, gathering your courage, and then practically blurted out one of your deepest feelings about him: "Sometimes you seem like you could use a real hug and a caring friend."

His jaw dropped as he stared at you in surprise. You stared right back at him, just as surprised that that's what came out.

The silence between the two of you stretched on until you couldn't bear it anymore and you finally turned around, chiming, "M-maybe I should get back to work-"

"Wait!" Before you could even blink, Bowser snatched you off your feet, holding you up in the air like he was afraid you'd try to run.

You blinked at him, a little surprised. "...Yessir?" you asked calmly despite the blush threatening to return. Momentarily, all he did was stare at you a little dumbly before recollecting himself a little.

"I-I, uh, just thought - I mean, if you wanted to give me a real hug, I'd - I'd allow that. And the... friend thing..."

Ah, you knew that code. He wanted a hug, but he didn't want to seem like he wanted it. Poor guy.

"...You know what, now that I think about it, I think a hug would be real nice. How about you let me know every time you're in the mood to allow me to hug you, huh?" you murmured. "And if you'd like me to-"

Bowser nodded, and without hesitation (or letting you finish) he held you to his wide chest, pressing your face right against it. Unfortunately your arms were pinned to your sides so you couldn't really hug back, but you could still feel some of the tension leak out of his body when he realized you weren't squirming or trying to get away.

"You know..." The vibration of his deep voice made your head buzz pleasantly, pressed against his chest as it was. "Between you and me, maybe Peach is just a siren trying to lure me into a false love, using her pretty face to keep me from seeing someone who'd really care about me..."

Since he couldn't see your face, you rolled your eyes. "Then does this mean you have your eyes suddenly set on someone else, sir?" you asked politely.

He set you back on your feet and crouched so that his face was level with yours, his large hands keeping a gentle hold of yours. "I don't know if "suddenly" is the right word... there's been a slow realization over a few years, but I suppose I'm finally ready to give up on Peach in favor of a more promising potential."

You smiled a little, daring to reach out; Bowser's eyes watched your hand as it fell gently on his nose. His pupils blew wide. Although you opened your mouth to say something, it was then that it dawned on you that Bowser wasn't actually crouching - he was kneeling.

"B-Bowser?" you breathed as, once again, your face grew hot with the intensity of your blush. But even as you stared at that adorably sweet face he was making, the sincerity and silent plea for some sort of consensual companionship was almost overwhelming.

"I'm gonna make you my bride one way or another... sweetheart."

[creative-kny-fics]

Hii! sooo, if requests are open, can I request lee obanai and ler giyu? I liked the ler Kaburamaru fix, so if you could make this fix a second part of the other, if not, ignore this! 💞

Yes. I hope it doesn't bother you, but, this fic contains ObaGiyuu's ship (Iguro Obanai x Giyuu Tomioka).

Lee: Iguro Obanai

Ler: Giyuu Tomioka

How far can trauma go? "It depends on the person", they are right, but what happens to that person who refuses to receive help because they believe they do not deserve it? Why do you think your blood is impure?

That was the dilemma of the serpent hashira, Iguro Obanai, he did not feel able to endure physical contact, he felt afraid.

'Iguro-San, I think you're not a bad person! You are one of my closest friends! You are so good and kind! You are amazing!' - M.K

'You're my best friend, what makes you think otherwise?' - S.S

'I understand that sometimes you feel inferior, but you are not. Despite the harshness of your words, you are someone very special, Obanai' - S.K

'I consider you my brother and I know that you are not bad! I know you act like that, but inside, you're a softie!' - K.R

'You shouldn't feel self-conscious, you're not a bad person. Just because your family is, doesn't mean you are too.' - T.U

'You are a cute cat and although cats are somewhat aggressive, with the right people, they change' - M.T

'You are someone who is sensitive, who enjoys talking to people. I know that you strive every day to improve and that gives me a good image of you' - G.H

'Iguro Obanai, I couldn't be happier with myself, my son. You are someone admirable and I know the weight you carry, but I assure you that you are not as bad a person as you think, you are just confused. The past, although it affects us, does not define our present in itself. I know that you feel undeserving of something because of your lineage, but that doesn't matter. You are you and I couldn't be more proud of it, Obanai, don't forget it' - K.U / O.S

Even with the good perspective that others had of him, he didn't feel the same.

The only one with the ability to understand him seemed to be Kaburamaru, after all, he saw all his suffering, he knew who Iguro Obanai truly was, he knew his insecurities, his thoughts, his feelings, everything...

'Kaburamaru, do you think... 'Do you think Tomioka... You know...?', Kaburamaru nodded.

It would sound absurd, but it was real, Giyuu Tomioka, the hashira who used to annoy Iguro Obanai, was now his romantic interest.

He doesn't know at what point he would have fallen for it, what had Tomioka done?

'Ugh... Of all the men, it had to be him...?! Damn, what's wrong with Tomioka? Sure, he's handsome, he has good hair, he protects you because he cares, his eyes are beautiful, his breathing style is majestic... Oh fucking mother, damn Tomioka, I curse you for liking me!'

Yes, that was a normal thing in the "conversations" between Kaburamaru and his owner. This conversation was interrupted by the aforementioned hashira.

Whoever it was, he had asked Giyuu Tomioka to come to his estate, and it was very likely that he had heard everything, oh god... 'What brings you here, Tomioka?'

'Well, Oyakata-Sama told me that we had a joint mission today, so, I came to tell you on my own. Do you agree with it?'

'Yeah, sure...', Giyuu closed the door and approached him.

Obanai looked up, why the hell hadn't he left?! He got up and adjusted his haori, he didn't have time for it, it was bad enough that their joint mission was with him. However, Giyuu did the unthinkable and gave him a hug.

'W-what the fuck are you doing?!'

'Huging you. Isn't it obvious?'

'Let go of me you idiot! This is weird! Get away from me!'

But Tomioka didn't listen, instead he put a little more force into the hug and his eyes sparkled a little when Obanai stopped fighting and timidly accepted his hug.

Obanai closed his eyes, despite his cold demeanor, his hug felt so warm, his heart liked the feeling and he simply couldn't refuse the hug.

'Sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I know we don't have the best friendship, but you seemed to need it'

'Yeah, well, thanks, I guess. I didn't expect it, but, I can't complain...'

'Well, then, see you at night?'

Obanai wanted to nod, but wait until night? He could, of course, but damn, he hated it when his feelings betrayed him and his body moved or talked to itself, and before he realized it, he had already invited Giyuu to stay with him a little longer.

'Well, what would you like to do? Would you like me to stay silent or would you like to talk?', damn...

Obanai didn't know, on the one hand, if he stayed silent, he could see him better, he could get closer to him and so on, but also, if Giyuu spoke, he had not had a long conversation with him before, perhaps it was the opportunity to listen to his voice for longer, what was the best option?

'Obanai, do you like me?'

'What?'

'I asked, do you like me?'

What kind of question was that? Of course, not only that, he liked him, he loved him, he wanted Giyuu Tomioka to be his lover, that was the reality but... Could they both be together?

Wasn't it what people would say that terrified him, he was terrified of not being enough for him, would he still love him if he knew his origins? If he knew what was hidden under those bandages? If he knew who he really was...? Still, would he want it...?

'Iguro?', Giyuu called after him, but he shook his head.

Giyuu then understood, how absurd it had been to ask, obviously there was no way, after all "his rat face is what pisses me off."

Obanai watched him get up, he didn't understand, until he realized that he had never answered the question and his only "answer" had been the movement of his head. 'Tomioka...'

'Do you think we'll meet at night?'

'No, please stay. Please...'

Obanai's voice heard different, of course, it already sounded different because of the bandages, but this time, it sounded so broken, it sounded disappointed, he had never heard him speak that way.

He didn't argue and returned to his seat, facing each other; he had never had that closeness with him.

'Forgive me, I didn't shake my head because I didn't like you, I was thinking too much, let's just say it was more to bring me back to reality', oh, so that was it.

Giyuu nodded and opened his eyes slightly when Obanai got even closer to him, such a normal connection felt... 'Tomioka...'

'Yes?' 'Would you like to go eat something?'

Go eat something? Something like, a date? Well, it didn't bother him, but he suggested something better...

'How about we go and order food to eat here at your house? Of course, if doesn't bother you', bother him? Damn, of course not, it just made him like he more.

And said and done, that's it, they ordered their food and took it home, definitely the best meal they've both had so far.

'You don't plan to eat?' 'I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or feel disgust' 'Why would I?'

And that's where Kaburamaru comes in, who was watching the whole situation, even knowing what it entailed, he made the decision that seemed appropriate and released some of the bandages from Obanai, who quickly covered himself and turned around.

'Kaburamaru, what the hell have you done...? Damn... Just when we were so good... Huh?', his anger dissipated.

Giyuu approached from behind, holding him by the cheeks and staring at him, his fingers soon slipped and lowered the bandages that hid the truth, but it didn't seem to bother him. 'Tomioka? Hey idiot, I'm talking to you!'

'Sorry, it's just that, you're even cuter without your bandages...'

Obanai's eyes lit up and a small blush formed on his cheeks, what was wrong? Was it perhaps for the compliment? Was it because he shouldn't have doubted that Giyuu would disgust him? Everything was so confusing.

'Tomioka...' 'You can call me Giyuu. Of course, if you don't mind'

'It's okay, Giyuu.', whatever the answer mattered, there was no reason to have doubts anymore.

Obanai felt calm and this time, he did not deny him the hug, he felt so calm and he liked how Giyuu caressed his head, it made him feel happy.

'Can I see a smile?'

'Don't be a hypocrite, you don't smile either'

'And when they tickle me?'

Oh, right, well, he wasn't going to deny that he's enjoyed seeing him laugh many times, but that's not the point, why the hell did his mind wander so much when it came to him?

Giyuu looked at Kaburamaru as Obanai once again got into his thoughts, he clung to his cheek and rubbed his head against it, he seemed to understand what he wanted, just, he hoped that Obanai wouldn't mind.

'Forgive me for what I will do'

'Huh? E-ehehehe...'

'Are your cheeks ticklish?', yes, but he didn't have to know that.

Giyuu chuckled and gently nibbled on his cheeks, becoming even more captivated when a light blush formed on Obanai's cheeks and he began to laugh.

Unconsciously, his hands moved down to his lower back and he used just one finger to swipe it, smiling when the smaller one arched his back and tried to swat his hand away.

'Whahahat a-ahaHAre you dohohoihihing?!'

'I wanted a smile, wow, first your cheeks are ticklish and now your lower back is too. Can you be even cuter? I guess there's only one way to find out...'

'Hu-huh?! Stohohop thihihis! Tohomiohokahaha! Pleheahasehehe!'

[scoobydoodean]

I feel like you’re one of the few people I’d trust to ask this of, but I always find myself wondering at the different reactions Dean has to hunting, i.e: Sam and others. Like I don’t think at all that he forced Sam back or was dragging him around or anything like that. But even way back then with Jo he was always like “get away from this life”. And still, especially early on, he seemed to be offended/angry that Sam didn’t like the life/want it for himself. I always personally understood it as a mix of sibling bickering like “ohh you think you’re so much better”, a front so as to pretend “hey everything is fine don’t look too closely” and Sam himself kinda conflating hunting = family and thus had to cut both out to be free of it, so in turn Dean also associated Sam walking away from hunting as walking away from family (reinforced by Heaven and Purgatory, later on, in slightly different ways) (although which came first and/or how much that was influenced by John first is ultimately a chicken and egg situation, I suppose). But I’d like to know if you have thoughts on this? Sorry for the long ask, I hope it was coherent?

NOTE: For anyone looking for commentary on Dean absolutely not forcing Sam back into hunting, my tags #sam the hunter, #sam the family man, and #in which... I am too lazy to write all that out may be of use.

So if I understand correctly, what we're getting at here is that Dean pretty consistently tries to talk people (especially younger people) out of the life or objects to involving them. For example, Jo (2.06), Adam (4.19), Jimmy (4.20), Krissy and her dad (7.11), Krissy's friends (8.18), Claire (10.20). He tries to protect Jesse and Cesar's retirement. But when it comes to Sam, Dean isn't so into trying to talk him out of the life.

To discuss the premise itself first, I can think of the following instances where Dean is hurt, skeptical, or displays some other sort of objection to Sam vs normal life: 1.01, 1.16, 4.22, 5.16, 8.01 (Pine's rewatch notes help me out here too). On the other hand, I can also think of many moments where Dean is supportive of Sam having a normal life or wishes that for him. Starting from 1.06 and 1.18, Dean says that he wishes Sam could just be normal. By 1.07, Dean is suggesting they just stay in the college town representing Sam's wistful desire for normality. I have a compilation gifset of these and a few other season 1 moments here. In 2.20, Dean beams with happiness that Sam is living a normal life and has Jess by his side—this is also despite the fact that he and Sam are estranged in the Djinn dream universe. In season 8, while Dean is hurt and angry that Sam left him to die and abandoned Kevin, when the opportunity presents itself for Sam to get back together with Amelia in 8.10 and go be normal, Dean tells Sam he should go to her if that's what would make him happy. In 8.14, Dean says he wants to do The Trials so that Sam can survive and go be normal. Basically what I'm getting at is that while moments occur where Dean seems hurt by Sam wanting a normal life or has some other objection, there are more moments where the exact opposite is true. This contrast also opens the door for questions about why Dean sometimes reacts negatively and sometimes doesn't (or maybe has to "come around" to the idea). The mixed bag suggests a lot of different and sometimes conflicting emotions, which is very realistic I think.

I don't think every single one of these reasons factors into every single one of the five episodes I mentioned where Dean seems hurt/skeptical about Sam + normal life, but here we go:

First, while Dean tries to push a lot of people out of the life and is also shown to crave a normal life for himself at various points (ex: 2.20, 3.10, 5.17), he does believe that being involved with the supernatural world is physically unavoidable for some people, and that it psychologically gets its hooks into others to the point they eventually can't get out/turn back (ex: 4.19). Jack, Jesse, and Kevin (and Sam and Dean themselves eventually) are examples of people Sam and Dean see as stuck in the life practically, because demons and angels are after them for reasons out of all of their control. However, Sam and Dean were both psychologically stuck in hunting first. For Dean, the house fire and how he was raised leave him feeling stuck in the hunting world. Sam doesn't remember the fire, but follows on John's heels when Jess dies in the same manner that Mary did. The trauma of losing Jess creates a commonality and drive that wasn't present before, causing Sam to say that he and his father aren't different anymore—in fact, they have more in common than just about anyone (1.20). On many occasions, Sam also talks about hunting as an inevitability/something he can't "come back" from at this point even if he wanted to (ex: 2.10, 4.19, 4.21). Closely interrelated, at various points, Sam also says that hunting has become a life he loves and/or prefers to normality (ex: 2.02, 2.20, 4.08, 4.17, 5.12a, 5.12b, 5.12c, 10.18).

Dean's language in 1.01 "Sooner or later, you're going to have to face up to who you really are" suggests part of Dean sees Sam as a hunter at the core from the beginning who is hiding from who he really is deep down. I think there is some truth to this (see my #sam the hunter tag). In that scene in 1.01, Dean generally expresses skepticism that Sam is really capable of leading the life he's trying to live long term. I think Dean also has reason to think that way, given that Sam outright admits he plans to lie to Jess forever... which kind of means Sam stays in the hunter mindset (where you lie to normal people every day to keep up appearances) and never really gets to be himself either way. Dean doesn't think this is practical or healthy and says so (and he's not wrong). All this to say—I think in 1.01, Dean has difficulty understanding that Sam has not (quite yet) fallen into the hunting world. Dean and John are kind of bonded by the shared trauma of losing Mary, but Sam doesn't share that trauma (as Sam himself points out on the bridge, saying he doesn't even remember Mary). Of course, that changes by the end of the episode. 8.01, Dean is just "?!?!?!?!?" because Sam has told Dean point blank on multiple occasions at that point that he prefers hunting to being normal (2.20, 4.08, 5.12) and has been overall rather into hunting, and has voiced the same thinking as Dean in regards to not being able to get out psychologically even if he wanted to (4.19, 5.12). There's a reason that when Sam says he doesn't hunt anymore in 8.01, Dean thinks he's joking at first. (I talk about why Sam left hunting between seasons 7 and 8 here). The thing is is that (unless driven by a burning desire for revenge as in the season 3-4 gap and the season 9-10 gap) Sam will not hunt without Dean. Not because Dean "makes" him hunt, but because Sam doesn't have the heart for the work without Dean by his side. (See the "I can't do it without my brother" 10.18 speech).

SAM: You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE: You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM: Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t….

Interrelated to the concept of hunting as inescapable and as something Sam voices his enjoyment of multiple times—in 1.01, Dean also (though part bravado) still romanticizes hunting to an extent (though not for much longer—we see this by the time he meets Jo). This definitely factors into how Dean approaches the subject in 1.01, though I don't think it factors into later moments.

Second, Dean is the heart character, and as the heart character, he feels a responsibility to protect people. When he tells Sam in the pilot "You have a responsibility", I think what Dean means is "saving people, hunting things, the family business". It isn't revenge that they have a responsibility toward (Dean will be the one to say he hopes they never find the demon if it means Sam or John killing themselves to end it (1.22) but that from Dean's perspective, Dean's knowledge of what's out there and his proficiency at the job gives him a moral obligation to try and save people in harms way. On the other hand, I don't think Sam feels this way—at least not nearly so strongly. Sam's approach to hunting has always been more family focused imo. Both brothers hunt as a means of coping to an extent, but more largely, Dean hunts because he feels deeply for others and wants—and even feels a duty to—protect people. Sam hunts because hunting makes him feel close to his family and makes him feel known, and because it is where he feels he can be himself (ex: 4.17). More succinctly—for Dean, the order goes, "Saving people, hunting things, the family business" and for Sam, the order goes, "The family business, saving people, hunting things" I think. This difference in motivations occasionally creates interesting tension on the hunt, but it is also creates confusion when Sam has left hunting pre-series, and again in season 8.

SAM: Look, it wasn't like I was... just oblivious. I mean, I read the paper every day. I saw the weird stories… the kind of stuff we used to chase. DEAN: And you said what? "Not my problem"? SAM: Yes. And you know what? The world went on.

8.01 "We Need To Talk About Kevin"

Dean doesn't understand this. He can't wrap his head around it because Dean doesn't think this way, and I'm not sure Dean ever gets exactly why Sam is driven to hunt. He doesn't really get the strength of the family connection for Sam... and Dean has reason not to, because from the outside looking in, Sam cutting Dean out of his life every time he decides he doesn't want to hunt anymore sounds like he doesn't actually care about Dean that much deep down... or at all. So how on earth could Sam's interest in and love for hunting be connected to caring about his brother DEAN???

That brings me to the third reason for some of this occasional hurt from Dean, which is that you're right about Sam (and then Dean in turn) associating normal life with cutting Dean off, because that's what Sam does. Any time Sam goes after a normal life, there seems to be no room for contact with Dean in it. When Sam goes to school, even though his fight was with John, it's implied that he wouldn't take Dean's calls which is why Dean showed up in person (1.01).

NOTE: This period is a little tricky, because the script was supposed to say they hadn't spoken since Sam left at 18, but what accidentally made it into the show is that they may have been in contact for the first two years. The two years wouldn't make things much better though, because with Dean's dialogue "You know, in almost two years I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing." It still seems like Sam is the one who cut ties.

In 1.16 "Shadow", when Dean brings up wanting to stay together and "be a family again" even after the business with the demon is concluded, Sam makes it clear he's returning to school—which is perfectly fine. However, buried within this conversation is the implication that Dean doesn't want to lose contact with Sam again, and Sam doesn't give any assurances about calling or staying in contact because... he plans to cut Dean off again, even while telling Dean he loves him.

"Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before. [...] I don’t want them to be. I'm not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you’re gonna have to let me go my own way."

Dean looks at this and goes "?????" because how can Sam talk about how much he cares for Dean and then in the same breath, essentially say he doesn't want to see him anymore after this? That makes no sense... right? And the self-hating part of Dean who believes Meg's manipulative framing in 1.16 about him dragging Sam everywhere even though Sam has repeatedly been the race horse raring for revenge and getting angry when Dean can't pull leads on John or the demon out of his ass thinks maybe he IS somehow responsible for every horrible thing that has happened to Sam and how Sam's life is now. And Dean's insecurities are reinforced too because Sam has thrown it in his face that it's his fault in moments where he was angry and felt a loss of control. So Dean doesn't understand how hunting is actually positively connected to family and him for Sam, and Sam doesn't understand how Dean doesn't understand and doesn't know how to reassure him (5.16), and that's how we get Dean unloading his insecurities about Sam not loving him in 4.22 (to Bobby) and 5.16 (to Sam). In both discussions, Dean's lack of belief in Sam's care for him is closely connected to Sam's desire for normality and how Dean felt tossed away like garbage and like his efforts were never enough. I talk about the dialogue in 4.22 more in depth here (added context of Sam calling Dean weak for his trauma and strangling Dean near unconscious matters lmao). In 5.16, Zachariah (imo) repeatedly pushes the brothers toward Sam's memories of normality and being away from Dean as part of his psychological ploy, and it works even though Sam's strongly stated lack of interest in normality is (arguably) at its zenith (4.08, 4.19, 5.12) because the brothers relationship is so weak from season 4. If we didn't already get it, we as viewers realize Sam loves his brother very much and has many happy memories with him despite appearances in 5.22 when happy memories with Dean are what pulls Sam from Lucifer's control.

Another important episode here in regards to Dean’s perceptions of Sam's feelings versus how Sam actually sees Dean is 2.20 "What Is And What Should Never Be". There's a variety of things to be said about how in Dean's dream, he envisions himself as someone his family would look down upon even in a paradise scenario. However, one of the bits we get from the whole dream is that Dean believes that in normal life scenario, Sam wouldn't want to be around him. Dean envisions himself as kind of a terrible person (and as usual, he is being really ugly about himself in a way that isn't at all warranted), but undoubtably, there's also a classist stench to the scenario—Dean the blue collar worker, Sam the hot shot lawyer who looks down his nose at Dean. I don't doubt that deep down, Dean kind of believes the real Sam sees himself as upwardly mobile and Dean as beneath him. One of the ways Dean potentially forms that conclusion is how Sam treats him over money early in the series. That said, the REAL Sam is surprised by their lack of connection in Dean's "paradise". When Dean suggests that without hunting, they never would have connected, Sam makes it clear that he's glad they have.

But yeah! Those scenes in 4.22 and 5.16 aren't even about Sam wanting to be normal—they're about how Dean feels discarded every time Sam goes after normal (and it happens again in 8.01).

Lastly, Dean's also dealing with jealousy in a couple of these moments. Before we ever met him, Dean had his own wistful desires for normal (9.07, 1.06, 1.13). Safety and a home and normality were things he felt he couldn't ever really have (this also comes post-breakup with Cassie). Even in 8.10, when Dean tells Sam to get back with Amelia if he can, he adds,

And, you know, maybe I'm a little bit jealous. I could never separate myself from the job like you could.

I think this line leads directly back to Dean as the heart character who has extreme difficulty with the concept of burying his head in the sand—something Sam was able to do easily (like... too easily RE: Kevin). I think Dean kind of judges Sam for doing that, but at the same time, Dean also knows he has an overactive sense of responsibility—he just can't shake it despite knowing that (2.20, 5.11, 7.04). So he envies that Sam can even if he thinks Sam leans too far the other direction sometimes.

I also don't think this bit from Shifter!Dean in 1.06 was too off:

You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you? [...] See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me.

I think coupled with that jealousy in 1.01, we also see Dean's resentment, because he sacrificed everything for their family. He sacrificed his childhood to take care of his father who was a mess, and play mother and father to his brother, and he had a gun in his hand meant to kill before he was even 10, and Dean resents all of this. Dean was made to be the responsible one when he was just a child out of necessity, and John (someone Dean repeatedly calls a deadbeat in season 5) took advantage and then discarded him (a part of Dean does know he deserves better), and Sam cut Dean out of his life the moment he was no longer of use. It isn't just that Sam doesn't feel the weight of the burdens Dean was made to shoulder—Sam doesn't even seem to realize they exist, and Dean is resentful. He wants someone in his family besides him to shoulder some of the family responsibilities Dean has spent so long carrying alone. His feelings are misdirected toward Sam in 1.01 in that regard, but they're also very human.

Even so, Dean's love supersedes jealousy and resentment. We see this clearly in 1.18 "Something Wicked", which is all about Dean's childhood being stolen and him being burdened with responsibilities that were too big and blamed for people dying when he was just a child and it wasn't his fault, but at the end of the episode, Dean doesn't wish innocence for himself—he wishes it for Sam. Even though the episode is all about Dean's memory of his own trauma. And in 2.20, in his "paradise" dream, Sam gets to be normal, and he and Sam don't even get along, and Dean doesn't care—he's just over the moon that his brother gets to live a normal life.