#although i do kinda get the feeling more strongly with things i DO post sometimes since people are actually looking at it..

[motherforthefamicom]

i have this issue where like. i feel like my art is weird. not even like weird in an intentional kinda way  or a ‘cringe’ way or whatever judt sometimes i feel like its weird. doesnt quite translate whatever my ideas were or even make much sense to anyone that isnt me. i feel like i spend. so much time like. isolated from other people  and ill just be making art and coming up with ideas in this weird feedback loop with my brain that it just keeps getting distorted from what the idea originated from and starts only making sense to me. and i have no clue if any of what im saying even makes sense or is even true its just something i think about a lot and kinda? worry abt sometimes too? i feel like this kinda stems back from . okay so i have this massive bin in my room where i tend to put old sketchbooks and stuff in and this goes all the way back to when i first started really grtting into art as a hobby, and i like judt sitting down for a few hours sometimes and looking thru a bunch of shit in there. but sometimes i come across stuff from where i was drawing in one particular style for a while anf it was just startingn to like… become more and more distorted? this ties into a whole other side tangent i could go on abt but basically i have this problem with Art Styles where i feel like i have to follow certain rules and criteria with the stylization blah blah blah anyways so my original point js that after id been sticking with a certain way of stylizing thinggs for long enough it starts to become more exaggerated, and slowly ljke unrecognizable from whatever the fuck its supposed to represent or what it was originally supposed to look like. like uhh for a while i drew eyes in this very particular way where they were just little dashes. but sometimes id draw the dashed a bit closet than normally or kinda tilting towards each other and i though it looked cute so i kept doing this intentionally. until it would get to the point where in some drawings you couldnt even see the eyes. theyre judt one weird mark on the page. or sometimes i would have one eye a bit higher than the other and id keep doing that until theyre super misaligned. and this is jsut a really mundane example thrres others i feel whre like really bad looking back. like ‘how did anyone think this was even passable’ levels of bad.. and just. idk i have no clue where im going with this post its just this stuff has been bothering me for a while now and just. i dontknow. this isnt even entirely what im talking abt there weird patterns in my art constantly and its not in an interesting way its just. why do i do that. why is that Like That. and like this isnt somethingi should worry about so much but again i just think abt it a lot!!!!

[silentcrowsilentravens]

I haven't posted in ages, man :') Mandy definitely isn't a character that calls for a particularly fluffy fluff alphabet... But I want to try and get a feel for writing her, and this felt like a good way.

(Gender ambiguous).

Warnings: mentions of violence, death, and past trauma.

A = affection (how affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

While perhaps not the most verbally affectionate, Amanda is rather physically affectionate.

She's a tactile person, and she fuckin' loves touching you. All over. All the time.

Amanda's affection is a little... aggressive at first, but after time, you'll see softer stuff mixed in there, too...

...The A segment gets expanded on throughout this, so I won't ramble too long right here.

B = body (what is their favorite part of their partner's body?)

Eyes. I'm not sure why I feel so strongly about that. I just do.

She'll sometimes stare into your eyes for so long that it verges on uncomfortable. Or perhaps unsettling.

Your neck is a close second, though. She loves marking it <3

C = cuddling (do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Yeah. She does.

A lot actually.

She will hold you tight. Full-on gorilla grip, fingers tightly clenching the fabric of your clothes or kinda digging into your skin.

Her preferred position is pressed against your front, her head tucked under your chin.

However, she also enjoys pressing against your side with her legs and arms fully wrapped around you.

D = dates (what do they like to do when they go on dates with you?)

Typically, Mandy doesn't like to go out for dates. And if she does, she prefers to go to places that don't have a lot of people.

Little hole-in-the-wall restaurants, fast food joints sometime after midnight, sitting on the bumper blocks in parking lots after stopping at food trucks.

Hanging out on the couch, watching a movie, or playing video games.

E = emotions (how do they express emotion around their partner?)

Very blatantly. And intensely. Amanda isn't somebody who reacts to things passively. When she feels something, she feels it with every fiber of her being.

Joy is typically the only thing that tends to come across as subdued from her.

But everything else? Rarely. You probably won't have much trouble telling what she's feeling.

F = family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Growing up, Mandy didn't have one. She lived with her dad, but he was never family or anything close to it. And now, she almost feels like she isn't deserving of one. She is, though. Of course she is.

Having John as a father figure, and you there as a loving partner?

That's more than Amanda could've ever anticipated or asked for, in her eyes.

G = gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Although not a huge fan of receiving gifts herself, Amanda does enjoy giving you gifts every now and again.

She prefers to leave them out for you to find rather than giving them to you directly. Often, the item will be accompanied by a simple note on a torn scrap of paper that says "for you" or something similar.

It's also one of her preferred methods of apology following minor screw-ups.

H = hugs (do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

About as much as cuddling.

And similar to when she cuddles you, she will squeeze the life out of you. There's no escape. Occasionally, it even gets a bit hard to breathe.

Like, listen here. Amanda prefers you in her arms over anywhere else.

Her face will be buried in the crook of your neck... Or your chest, depending on how tall you are.

I = injury (how would they act if their partner got hurt?)

She freezes up when she first sees you hurt.

Following that, there is immediate panic and freak-out.

"What the hell happened?!"

There's a decent amount of cursing as she patches you up.

And after, if she finds out that you got hurt because of someone else, you best believe that Amanda is gonna be asking you tons of questions about them. She needs to know all the info you have so that she can track them down, abduct them, and rig up a special (impossible to win) trap just for them.

J = jealously (how jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

Mandy does not like to share you haha. At all.

She will, but she won't be pleased about it.

She's not very good at hiding when she's jealous, either.

Amanda will say "I'm not jealous", but it will be obvious from her facial expression, the way she's standing, and her tone of voice that she is. Very, very obvious.

K = kisses (how do they like to kiss their partner?)

The majority of the time? Roughly.

Mandy is somebody who will be pinning you against the wall or nearby furniture.

She'll be biting your lip and sticking her tongue in your mouth before long.

Her hands will likely have a firm grip on your wrists, biceps, the sides of your face, or hair.

She doesn't typically make her kisses brief, either.

L = love (how do they show their partners they love them?)

If Amanda isn't being all touchy-feely, then she's showing her love for you through acts of service.

You say the word?

...Not necessary. She's actively in the process of doing something for you.

She'd give you her last cigarette.

Or kill a guy for you. Maybe more.

M = mornings (how are mornings spent with them?)

Chances are, you probably don't wake up before Amanda. She likes to sleep in until noon.

You wake up to her snoring quietly and holding onto you, unwilling to get up.

So... mornings are simply spent there. In bed.

If you want to get up before noon, you'll need to either pry yourself out of her grasp or wake her up and convince her to release you.

N = nights (how are nights spent with them?)

Nights are when Amanda is most busy with her apprentice work for Jigsaw. Planning, building, abducting, etc. You often don't get to spend long with her because of that.

She'll typically spend the time right before she needs to work hanging around you, though.

And if she's putting traps together, there's a good chance she'll let you hang around. As long as you don't touch anything without asking.

Oh, and hey, pass her that drill.

O = openness (when would they start revealing things about themselves?)

Not for a while.

And telling you stuff from her past? That'll take even longer. Amanda will tell you only once she's ready, and it'll be painful for her. Like pulling teeth.

She might not be hard to read in terms of body language, but she isn't an open book when it comes to verbally sharing things. She's a closed book. That only select people are allowed to look into.

P = pet names (do they use pet names? If so, what do they use?)

She does, but just occasionally.

I can only picture her using "babe".

Half the time, it comes out after she's already said your name. Like "[Insert name here], babe, check this out."

Q = quizzes (how much would they remember about their partner?)

Quite a lot. Mandy remembers the things you do and say pretty well.

Specifically when they relate to the things you do or don't like, though.

She knows the smaller stuff. Your favorite thing to order from the restaurants you go to together, your favorite movies, games, brands of drinks/food, and other stuff like that.

R = remember (what is their favorite moment in their time of knowing you?)

Regardless of wherever it was and whatever happened, her favorite memory is definitely the moment she first met you.

After all, if not for that happening, Amanda wouldn't know you at all. And that's not something she likes to think about.

She isn't even sure what she would be doing with herself if she didn't know you.

S = security (how protective are they? Would they like to be protected?)

As previously mentioned, Amanda will kill for you with little hesitation.

If you're important to her, then nobody gets to hurt you. If somebody does, her rage will be immediate.

She'll make sure that they'll hurt. And quite a lot.

T = time (how long would it take for them to get together with their partner?)

A while.

Regardless of whether you both have a level of chemistry early on, it'll be a while before there'll be a clear definition to your relationship with her.

With previous partners, that wasn't the case. But Amanda has been through a lot.

There will likely be a period where you're already acting like a straight-up couple, but she still only calls you a friend.

U = upset (how do they act when their partner is upset?)

If it's an outside cause? She might try to comfort you.

However, if you're looking for verbal comfort rather than physical, it's pretty 50/50 whether it'll be effective or it'll simply make it worse.

Mandy herself is the cause? Then she'll need a minute before she even acknowledges it. Perhaps a few extra to cool off depending on what happened.

V = Valentine's Day (do they celebrate it with you? How?)

She doesn't care about Valentine's Day. Or most holidays, for that matter. Throughout most of her life, she's never had people to celebrate anything with and make memorable experiences. So when those days come around, it's typically just another day for her.

Valentine's Day in particular is just a load of commercialized bullshit, in her opinion.

Like, whatever. Amanda doesn't need some holiday to do special shit with you. If you want flowers or candy, she could get those for you any time.

She can drop by a gas station right now and grab a few candy bars for you.

She can go outside and find flowers. She'll rip them right out of the ground for you. They'll probably be messed up when you receive them, though. Some of them might also be weeds... And she's just gone and tracked a lot of dirt inside.

W = warrior (how do they feel about their partner fighting? Would they fight beside them, etc.?)

While certainly not something Amanda's opposed to, this also isn't expected from you whatsoever.

So, if you jump in to help her if she gets in a fight or step in front of her protectively, she'll be utterly shocked.

For a solid couple of seconds, she can only stand there with a blank look on her face.

The people she's met willing to do that for her are few and far between. It really starts to set in how much she means to you.

It's also incredibly hot of you.

X = x-ray (how well are they able to read their partner?)

Mandy's halfway decent at reading you.

Like, I wouldn't say she can always pick up on the subtle stuff, but she will most of the time. You won't need to spell a whole lot out for her.

Y = yes (would they propose to their partner? How?)

Marriage is something Amanda is utterly, completely indifferent about.

Like, she could not give less of a shit if she never got married. It's whatever. However, if you really want to get married, then yeah, sure, she's down. Anything for you.

If she's the one to propose, she will pop the question in the most casual way imaginable.

You guys would probably be watching a movie or something, and she would turn to you and go, "Hey, wanna get married?" like she's asking you if you want her to grab anything from the kitchen for you.

She goes out and acquires the rings after that.

By that, I mean she goes out and steals them. Maybe off the cold, rigid fingers of a couple of victims from her unbeatable traps.

Z = zen (what makes them feel calm?)

Simply having you around to talk to her is often a big help to Amanda.

Alongside a bit of space until she indicates otherwise.

Keeping your hands empty and where she can see them, too.

[eyes-inthe-dark]

Hi Hello I actually make things sometimes

I don't know if anyone who follows me is interested in this stuff bc I very rarely post things from my own life, but I decided to be a little more active on here besides reblogging funny shit regarding my current hyperfixation.

So, here is the (incomplete) crafting diary of a neurodivergent trans person surviving christmas with the family and the dark and dreadful times (winter) in general by making shit! with my hands!

First: fiber stuff

I picked up tablet weaving over the last few months of 2023 and made my first pair of somewhat mistake-free shoelaces over the holidays! Only got the pattern completely right on the second try with the red but both laces now get to add a fun little detail to my shoes.

Next I tried a more complicated pattern and experimented a lot, hence the irregular pattern and troubleshooting at the start of the band. I'm now repurposing it as a camera strap and I learned a lot from it tho.

My current setup is basic cardboard tablets (I had to make extra ones so I had enough for the last band with 30 cards), tying the warp to something sturdy like a bookshelf, and sitting down with a backstrap belt on the other side of the room. I used thin wool yarn for this, which stuck to itself quite a lot, but not too much to be unmanagable, and I really like how the finished product feels.

If anyone's interested, I could make a longer post on how I made the shoelaces, I think it's a very beginner friendly project.

I managed to get my hands on a drop spindle and gave that a try, but I ran out of wool after making a very small amount of very chunky yarn and am currently working out where to best get sth local. It was fun tho!

I also finally finished the knitted scarf that has been in my wip pile for... approximately three years? I started it when I was still in school, feels like an eternity ago. It's just a simple (although very long) red wool scarf, but it keeps me nice and warm in this cold, harsh- *checks weather* ...5°C and neverending rain.

Next up: woodworking!

Noodled around with my grandpa's old dremel that we still had lying around, which resulted in this truly terrifying weapon:

Behold! I named it Toothling. It's great for poking friends and family when they least expect it.

This was more of a test run to see if it all still works and to try out doing small scale work with wood, now I gotta think of something fun to make. (I say, as if I didn't already have 50 different ideas)

Before that fuckery, I made this magnetic dice box/rolling tray for my lovely partner's birthday.

Though I don't feel like I can take credit for working the CNC magic on this, I did all the hands-on work with the sanding, assembling the magnets, shellac coating, and whatnot. I'm pretty sure wood is some sort of fruit tree, since it smells strongly of what I suspect might be plum or cherry.

Last but sure as fuck not least: embroidery

This I actually get professional instruction for at uni. I've kinda lost patience for it atm, but mostly because I cannot resist making unnecessarily complicated pieces with tiny little stitches and then am forced to finish it because I do actually kinda need to pass this class. My lecturer keeps telling me not to go so detailed, yet I have proven resistant to her good advice. But, I figured if I have to make two full pieces of embroidery to be graded on and put hours of work into, I might as well choose designs that I can turn into patches for my jacket:

Catha and Ruidus! I love me some big moon little moon imagery. The prompt was to incorporate most of the techniques/stitches we've learned so far. Added the little gold chain stitch around ruidus for the arcane latticework. It came out a little wonky shape wise, but I love it nonetheless.

And my most recent wip, a stained glass window design with the Ninth House skull and Gideon's sword behind it, to feed my current Locked Tomb obsession.

And that's it!

[littlelcvestory]

thank you @wesperbrekkered for tagging me even though im so inactive on like all my fandom accounts 😭😭😭

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 13 :)

2. What is your AO3 word count?

29,858 words 😭 thats kinda crazy for me ngl

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

my main is six of crows! my ao3 still has my fics from when i wrote solangelo tho lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

sparks fly (whenever you smile) with 268 (wesper)

we were in screaming color with 244 (solangelo)

Doctor Death (god this fic is so old i hate it 😭) with 236 (solangelo)

i wanna teach you how forever feels with 221 (wesper)

time can't stop me quite like you did with 205 (i wrote this for a school assignment, it's from the book they both die at the end)

i strongly dislike this list mainly because of solangelo being on there and how long ago i wrote those fics because theyre really bad now 😭 perhaps leave more kudos on my wesper fics :)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

YES it makes me so happy that people enjoyed what i wrote. i'd like to say it's author fuel but i have not touched any of my fics since august but they ARE author serotonin

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's either time can't stop me quite like you did (because he literally d!es) but none of my SoC fics have angsty endings, because none of them have endings. haha

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhh i'd say it would be i wanna teach you how forever feels purely because it's a cute domestic post-ck wesper

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i dont think im widespread enough to have haters on my fics tbh 😭

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

nope, i am literally 16 !! although i have written a few very intimate passages but theres also taught you the way you call me baby which is the closest i'll ever get for now

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

my wesper romeo and juliet au like fire and powder that i havent touched since august! this was like my most big brain idea ever but i'm torn between discarding it and starting from scratch or continuing as it is right now

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

i dont think so, and i hope not !

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

no :)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

also no

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

wesper. next!

15. What’s a WIP you’d like to finish but doubt you ever will?

THE ROMEO AND JULIET AU I AM CRYING i need to continue it as soon as possible oh lord

16. What are your writing strengths?

not sure tbh! i do find writing dialogue easy but it also leads to my downfall sometimes which i'll explain in the next question

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

inner monologues, because they jump around too much and i eventually stray from the original thought. or anything thats not closely tied to a character ... i'm really strong with character driver things but if you hand me a plot, i'm gonna struggle (which may be why the r&j au is failing LMAO) and how i said with dialogue, it ends up being dry and makes the scene move a little too fast. i'm really bad at slowing down scenes 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? 

never done it before hehe

19. First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson, i think

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

my romeo and juliet au because its the most ambitious thing i ever tried to accomplish. i really want to get back to it because i'm still so intrigued by the idea of it and i was shocked i wrote 10k for the first chapter but it felt like it was being squeezed out of me... i'll do my best to get back to writing i've had insane weiters block (no thanks to school 🙄)

thanks for tagging me rae :) i'm tagging @artsypretzel @jazzythursday and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it :)

[jdeowrites]

Life Doesn’t Change After You’re Published, and other kinda-truths

It’s been one entire year since my debut novel, TJ POWAR HAS SOMETHING TO PROVE, was published on June 7, 2022. My little YA contemporary about a girl and her body hair, but also about so much else. 

It sometimes feels like no time has passed at all—like just last week I was on my way to my little local book launch with friends. I remember that day so clearly. I got my hair (on my head, ha) and nails done for funsies, and my brother came to town for the launch. On our drive to the bookstore I was happy and excited, but also had jitters in my stomach because I wore a dress that ended just above my knees—with my very hairy legs exposed. Yes, this was despite not having removed my leg hair in years, and despite having worn shorts so many times in the interim without any discomfort. I knew why, of course: It was because now I was wearing an outfit typically very strongly associated with femininity (a dress) and somehow it felt like the two things couldn’t go together. I mused that here was further evidence that unlearning harmful things society had taught me was going to be a lifelong venture. Which was an interesting, amusing, and somewhat fitting realization to have on release day. 

I still force myself into that discomfort often. In some ways, as I said to my audiobook narrator last year (Mayuri Bhandari, she’s amazing), I even feel some responsibility to do so. Whenever wonderful, open-minded readers say to me, “I didn’t even know brown girls grew that much hair,” I think to myself, well, then it’s even more important that I show them.

To not feel, as an artist, completely divorced from my own work once it was public was one of the many surprises of having a book out. People always say that life doesn’t drastically change once you have a book published; and that, I was prepared for. Frankly I was more than happy with that idea--I’d spent so much time on promo in the lead up that I was exhausted, and looked forward to a quiet post-release. I missed my writing. 

But although there’s no magical life-changing switch, I’ve found that things have changed. Just slowly, and subtly, as satisfying and long-lasting change often is.

I’ve talked at length about how the content of the book changed me. But in a general sense, I can think of many things in my day-to-day life that have changed since being published. For example, having friends in real life snapping pics of my book at stores across the continent; having people in real life ask me about my writing (a bit of a horror really); being tagged in blog posts and Twitter threads where people talk about their favourite books; getting DMs from people gushing about the book; talking to teens as a published author about books; having readers stand in front of me and excitedly tell me all the things they loved about my book while I smile silently thinking is this real? Is this real?; the opportunities I’ve had to sit down with other authors and laugh and compare notes and realize hey, we’re all going through the same weird-ass publishing machine; being asked to blurb other authors’ books; walking into random bookstores and seeing a copy on the shelf; being invited for lit festivals and interviews and to give talks and such as an established author. But most of all, it’s in the simple joy of knowing, every day, I am a published author. That has changed me. It’s a new piece of my identity. Once upon a time, it was my wildest dream. It’s a special privilege to be able to say I’m now dreaming of new things.

So, if you’re one of the people who’ve read TJ POWAR HAS SOMETHING TO PROVE, thank you so much for giving my little book a chance. It’s been amazing to see its impact over this past year, and I can only hope it will reach even more readers as time goes on. And for everyone who’s asked me what’s next... I can’t wait to share. Eventually. ;)

[mbruben-stein]

Hello! I would love a match-up with the following fandoms: Marvel, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter.

I'm pansexual, she/her pronouns. I don't mind being shipped with either gender!

𝑭𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔: I'm about 5'5, pale skin, blue/grey eyes, blonde around my face and brown then black at the ends of my hair. I have many many piercings, and I'm covered in tattoos. I'm curvy/plus size and am body positive.

𝑯𝒐𝒃𝒃𝒊𝒆𝒔: Reading, writing, collecting rings, journaling, tarot. I'm also collecting as many books as I can because I want to have my own library where people can take whichever book they wish.

𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚: INFJ, Chaotic Good, Gryffindor, Aquarius Sun, Capricorn Moon, Aries Rising, Pisces Venus (this last one might help with the match especially). I'm a passionate person and have strong opinions. I will always stand up for what I believe in, no matter how scared I feel. I think I'm quite witty and intelligent, although I do get overwhelmed quite easily. I'm incredibly open-minded and progressive. I love to laugh and make others laugh too. I'm sensitive, and intuitive and can pick up on other people very easily. I have strong gut feelings and kinda ... understand a person's vibe? Like I can sense someone's aura but not see their colour.

𝑨𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄: I love cottagecore, I'm very witchy but also a little grunge and gothic at the same time.

𝑳𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒔: Learning - especially witchcraft, watching tv, day-dreaming, listening and discovering new music. I love being at home, writing and then taking a reading break. I adore baths and constantly buy items from Lush.

𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒔: (other than the usual injustices of sexism, racism, and homophobia), I strongly dislike spiders and will scream whenever I see one. I don't like close-minded people, or those who make fun of others. I hate passive-aggressiveness, large crowds and loud sudden noises.

𝑳𝒊𝒍 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆:

・Have shaved my head. Asked my stepdad for his clippers and went into the bathroom and ...hacked at my hair. It was very liberating, I think every woman should do it at least once in her lifetime

・I adore animals - I have a cat and dog! I want more but my cat is too much of a princess and won't allow any other animal in the house

・Bought a tattoo gun from the internet and I tattoo myself. I do the majority of my own piercings as well. I like to learn how to do things like that. I've kinda learned how to do hair and do mine, my mum's and my nunna's.

Was this too much? Sorry if it was, it's hard to describe oneself in a post. Thank you very much, I hope you have a wonderful day x

An: I am so happy that you asked for a matchup request @witchthewriter. I hope that you enjoy this.

Marvel:

Your other half is Loki:

(First of let me tell you. Loki, who was a villain, is not your match. Your match is Loki, who becomes a hero and part of the adventures.)

Loki loves you not just for your looks but for your personality.

Loki loves the idea of you creating your own little library. He would definitely trade and borrow books from you.

He loves reading books with you. Sometimes he or you would read out loud to each other right next to the fireplace cuddling.

He would think that all the piercings you did yourself are beautiful even though he will never admit it out loud to himself.

You've caught him multiple times staring at you. And when he knows that you caught him, he would just whistle.

(I don't know why but I can imagine Loki holding your cat and cuddling her, as she purse. Just aww.)

Looky honestly doesn't care about the way you look or what you would wear. I honestly think that he would love you just for who you are. And you can't change my mind.

He just loves seeing you learn witchcraft every day. He would probably help you when you are doing witchcraft. If it is doing tarot readings, doing spells, or learning something completely brand-new with witchcraft.

Loki learns the hard way not to make fun of people or say something mean in front of you. When you are mad, angry, or upset you. He knows that you are his weakness and that you scare the heck out of him.

Honestly, Loki loves you with all his heart no matter what.

Lord of the rings:

Your other half Aragorn:

First of all, you two are the most, sweetest and cutest couple together.

Aragorn thinks that it is fantastic that you have many different types of tattoos.

Aragorn would ask you what the meaning is behind each of the tattoos and where did you get the idea for them.

He would think that your taste in clothing is alluring. But he also considers that you are pretty the way you are, and he doesn't care what people say about you.

Every time Aragon would look into your eyes, he would think they looked like stars.

Aragorn wouldn't care if you were short, tall, skinny, or chubby. He would love you just for who you are.

He would definitely be interested in your love for tarot reading cards.

He would try to keep you safe and away from spiders, especially the big ones in the woods.

Aragorn enjoys seeing you stand up for what you believe in.

He tells you no matter what happens. He'll always be here for you, even if you're scared, mad, or upset.

Overall you two are the sweetest and cutest couple ever, but if someone messes with you guys, you and Aragorn become scary-scary.

Harry Potter:

Your other half is Fred Weasley:

Queue all the sweetest and mischief love you'll get from Fred Weasley.

Fred would think that your tattoos are so cool and awesome.

He would enjoy watching you do a new tattoo on yourself every time you did.

You and Fred would definitely get matching tattoos. (It would be just so cute. Just aww.)

(I don't know why but I can honestly imagine Fred playing with your hair all the time because he thinks it's pretty.)

Fred would think that your taste in clothing looks good on you.

Fred would call you so many nicknames it wouldn't be even funny.

He would have a very long five-page list of nicknames that he would call you.

These would be just a few of the nicknames that he would call the most: my goddess, my shooting star, my little Iris/Poppy, and my goddess.

Fred would enjoy hearing stories that you would tell him from your childhood that were cute or funny.

Fred would ask you to tell him the story of when you shaved your head one time.

You two would definitely, be cuddling if you two were at the burrow, or when you two were at Hogwarts, you guys would cuddle next to the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room.

Honestly, you and Fred Weasley are the cutest couple ever. Just so cute.

[plaguedocboi]

Here it is folks:

My definitive ranking of my least favorite bodies of water! These are ranked from least to most scary (1/10 is okay, 10/10 gives me nightmares). I’m sorry this post is long, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this.

The Great Blue Hole, Belize

I’ve been here! I have snorkeled over this thing! It is terrifying! The water around the hole is so shallow you can’t even swim over the coral without bumping it, and then there’s a little slope down, and then it just fucking drops off into the abyss! When you’re over the hole the water temperature drops like 10 degrees and it’s midnight blue even when you’re right by the surface. Anyway. The Great Blue Hole is a massive underwater cave, and its roughly 410 feet deep. Overall, it’s a relatively safe area to swim. It’s a popular tourist attraction and recreational divers can even go down and explore some of the caves. People do die at the Blue Hole, but it is generally from a lack of diving experience rather than anything sinister going on down in the depths. My rating for this one is 1/10 because I’ve been here and although it’s kinda freaky it’s really not that bad.

Lake Baikal, Russia

When I want to give myself a scare I look at the depth diagram of this lake. It’s so deep because it’s not a regular lake, it’s a Rift Valley, A massive crack in the earth’s crust where the continental plates are pulling apart. It’s over 5,000 feet deep and contains one-fifth of all freshwater on Earth. Luckily, its not any more deadly than a normal lake. It just happens to be very, very, freakishly deep. My rating for this lake is a 2/10 because I really hate looking at the depth charts but just looking at the lake itself isn’t that scary.

Jacob’s Well, Texas

This “well” is actually the opening to an underwater cave system. It’s roughly 120 feet deep, surrounded by very shallow water. This area is safe to swim in, but diving into the well can be deadly. The cave system below has false exits and narrow passages, resulting in multiple divers getting trapped and dying. My rating is a 3/10, because although I hate seeing that drop into the abyss it’s a pretty safe place to swim as long as you don’t go down into the cave (which I sure as shit won’t).

The Devil’s Kettle, Minnesota

This is an area in the Brule River where half the river just disappears. It literally falls into a hole and is never seen again. Scientists have dropped in dye, ping pong balls, and other things to try and figure out where it goes, and the things they drop in never resurface. Rating is 4/10 because Sometimes I worry I’m going to fall into it.

Flathead Lake, Montana

Everyone has probably seen this picture accompanied by a description about how this lake is actually hundreds of feet deep but just looks shallow because the water is so clear. If that were the case, this would definitely rank higher, but that claim is mostly bull. Look at the shadow of the raft. If it were hundreds of feet deep, the shadow would look like a tiny speck. Flathead lake does get very deep, but the spot the picture was taken in is fairly shallow. You can’t see the bottom in the deep parts. However, having freakishly clear water means you can see exactly where the sandy bottom drops off into blackness, so this still ranks a 5/10.

The Lower Congo River, multiple countries

Most of the Congo is a pretty normal, if large, River. In the lower section of it, however, lurks a disturbing surprise: massive underwater canyons that plunge down to 720 feet. The fish that live down there resemble cave fish, having no color, no eyes, and special sensory organs to find their way in the dark. These canyons are so sheer that they create massive rapids, wild currents and vortexes that can very easily kill you if you fall in. A solid 6/10, would not go there.

Little Crater Lake, Oregon

On first glance this lake doesn’t look too scary. It ranks this high because I really don’t like the sheer drop off and how clear it is (because it shows you exactly how deep it goes). This lake is about 100 feet across and 45 feet deep, and I strongly feel that this is too deep for such a small lake. Also, the water is freezing, and if you fall into the lake your muscles will seize up and you’ll sink and drown. I don’t like that either. 7/10.

Grand Turk 7,000 ft drop off

No. 8/10. I hate it.

Gulf of Corryvreckan, Scotland

Due to a quirk in the sea floor, there is a permanent whirlpool here. This isn’t one of those things that looks scary but actually won’t hurt you, either. It absolutely will suck you down if you get too close. Scientists threw a mannequin with a depth gauge into it and when it was recovered the gauge showed it went down to over 600 feet. If you fall into this whirlpool you will die. 9/10 because this seems like something that should only be in movies.

The Bolton Strid, England

This looks like an adorable little creek in the English countryside but it’s not. Its really not. Statistically speaking, this is the most deadly body of water in the world. It has a 100% mortality rate. There is no recorded case of anyone falling into this river and coming out alive. This is because, a little ways upstream, this isn’t a cute little creek. It’s the River Wharfe, a river approximately 30 feet wide. This river is forced through a tiny crack in the earth, essentially turning it on its side. Now, instead of being 30 feet wide and 6 feet deep, it’s 6 feet wide and 30 feet deep (estimated, because no one actually knows how deep the Strid is). The currents are deadly fast. The banks are extremely undercut and the river has created caves, tunnels and holes for things (like bodies) to get trapped in. The innocent appearance of the Strid makes this place a death trap, because people assume it’s only knee-deep and step in to never be seen again. I hate this river. I have nightmares about it. I will never go to England just because I don’t want to be in the same country as this people-swallowing stream. 10/10, I live in constant fear of this place.

Honorable mention: The Quarry, Pennsylvania

I don’t know if that’s it’s actual name. This lake gets an honorable mention not because it’s particularly deep or dangerous, but it’s where I almost drowned during a scuba diving accident.

Edit: I’ve looked up the name of the quarry, it’s called Crusty’s Quarry and is privately owned and only used for training purposes, not recreational diving.

[the-black-bulls]

i think that magna is one of the most underappreciated and under-used characters on the entire black bulls. yeah he got three chapters to shine and had a really cool attack, but on the whole everyone except asta (because, i mean, it's asta) and zora is kinda just....mean to magna. like yeah he's loud and a little dumb and his magic isn't super strong compared to some of the other bulls, but it's like everyone just dumps on him for that without acknowledging all the work he's put in and all the amazing stuff he can do. (imo luck is the worst about this. although i do get that he's got troubles with interpersonal relationships he's just straight up rude to magna sometimes.)

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

Well I love your spirit and passion my fellow Magna enthusiast. I don’t have a specific favorite character because of my mood swings but if I have to choose one then I’ll always go with Magna without a second thought. But well I have to disagree with you here.

fair warning: long post.

Magna is not underused at all. He’s one of the most well-used members and he has always been there involved with every event. Think for a second and recall his roles over the course of the story. He’s Asta and Noelle’s senior and the first to spend time with them (I love this trio), he gets his own arc, he gets a chance to fight Vetto despite being the weakest out of the squad while Gauche’s group just handled the fodders, he participates in the tournament, he gets not one but two big fights in the elf arc, and even though he was absent for a very long time he still gets one of the best development and fights in this arc that supports one of the most important themes in the overall story (no spoilers for the anime only guys).

Magna is wonderfully writing because Tabata never forgets him or sidelines him unlike a lot of the black bulls. He’s the shoulder that comforts Luck, and before him Asta, in their weakest. He’s the torch that welcomes Asta, and Noelle after him, and shows them the awesomeness of being a black bull. He might be not as used as Luck in fights, and he might be behind the others in some aspects, but all of this is just a natural and essential part of his character writing on the long run. Every bull has one or two things they need to work on  and I like that about them.

Likewise, Magna is not underappreciated. I think you’re reading too much into the teasing and bickering moments he has with the other black bulls. They’re never meant to be harmful or written as such. Just a normal group of friends doing normal friends stuff that strengthen and highlight their family-like bonds. Vanessa teases his virginity, Noelle bickers with him, etcetera. When did they ever call him dumb or annoying or useless or were straight up mean to him in serious manner? I see people in the fandom make fun of him, but that’s just a ‘their’ problem.

Well Luck is indeed rude and mean, I’ll give you this one. Luck as an individual has a unique and rather harmful way of expressing his emotions. He'd come off as a rude or mean person but his heart is always in the right place and I feel like this would pay off on the long run with his development. If anything, he believes in Magna more than anyone else. He just doesn’t voice this properly and I think Magna gets it. Luck is similar to Gauche in this sense; straight up assholes who express themselves in an unhealthy way but the bulls see right through it. I love how the bulls are able to shrug and recognize that it's just part of the package.

Welp I got distracted and this got longer than I wanted so I’ll stop here 😅

[thatadhdfeeling]

I just realized I accidentally submitted my ask as a post and I’m really sorry about that I meant to say it in an ask and I’m so sorry if I messed anything up. Not sure if it still can kinda work as an ask? I would also like to say thank you for having this blog and posting things that can help people with ADHD and help others discover that they aren’t just lazy or forgetful or anything else. Blogs and creators like you helped me realize that I wasn’t just lazy or forgetful. Thank you so much!

Hey, no worries, you didn't mess anything up 😊 and thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad I can help you and others feel validated, as well as share my advice. I'm not a professional, but I like to share what I learn in the hopes that it helps others out as well.

Complicated question. Advice for younger people with ADHD. We're all so different. Our symptoms present differently, our lifestyles and experiences are different, it really comes down to what you think will help benefit you the most. Some tips that work for me, may not work for you.

I didn't know I had ADHD when I was younger. I was diagnosed at 29, and although I always had ADHD, I didn't realize I needed different tools or techniques to accomplish some of the same tasks as my peers. That being said, I learned how to navigate through life by experimenting and figuring out what works for me and what doesn't, and I'm still learning every day.

Everyone experiences some mild ADHD symptoms sometimes. Everyone will struggle to focus, sit still, forget things, etc. This doesn't mean you have ADHD. People with ADHD are affected very strongly by many symptoms every hour of every day. They are more severe, and more frequent. It becomes a disorder when it disorders your life. Everyone can be inconvenienced by ADHD symptoms, but with the disorder, it always present, and always affecting what you do, and how you do it. Good and bad. As for someone's internal body clock, this can be an ADHD symptom, but it's also a symptom of being a teenager. Teens tend to have a shifted circadian rhythm by a couple of hours, where they will naturally be awake later, and wake up later than a child or adult.

Whether you have ADHD or not, being able to function through life is important, and figuring out what works best for you will be unique to you. There are so many different techniques for different tasks. I have a whiteboard that I use to jot down anything I need to remember, or use post-it notes around the house and work. I colour coordinate many things, as visuals help me remember and understand better. I will text someone else when I make an appointment so they can help remind me, and so I have it saved somewhere that I can refer back to once I get to my calendar at home. I keep important objects on shelves or counters where I can see them, rather than out of sight in cupboards or drawers. I wear a smartwatch and use alarms. Habit building is also very useful.

Try to experiment with different techniques and "hacks" to see what works best for you. ADHD or not, they will help once you find something that suits you the best.

[13eyond13]

☕( idk, maybe an) unpopular opinion. Near is a tragic character and his story is a contradiction of how his ego isn't like that of Light, L and Mello, which helps him "win" over them (pls don't take the word literally), but it's also the main cause of his struggles on the person he should be post-Kira.

In the previous ask I saw you said abt how O&O opinions on Near are depressing, is that the "Near is distant to people because he is sensitive" ? I actually relate to him a lot on that aspect and it allows me to think of him in a different way. I tend to treat his rational ability (along side the genius quirks) is a gifted curse that narrowed his choice down to being a detective. His nature (intelligence and fond of solving puzzle) and ideology (his speech in the warehouse) allow him to deliberately work on the Kira case and actually enjoy it to some extend. Detective was fun until it's not, it makes him choose between his ego and L's ego. When he states himself as L, it's the most tragic end for his character arc (tragic but not bad) and his personal motivation (fueled by his ego) slowly dies out. At A-Kira case point, his personal interest (in A-Kira) can't even get him into action. His way of reaching out to people who aren't his coworkers (that is necessary to form to bond with to get the job done) is just that overwhelmingly passive and desperate. I love Mello and Near dynamic to death but ship aside, I can't even make sense of how Near comes to like Mello as a person. I mean, what is it in him that Near find appealing? This make me feel like he treasures Mello that much bc Mello is the only person that value and see him as an invidual, as Near, rather than a detective, a L's successor.

Although I understand that DN is a detective story so it's hard to touch upon the mentality aspect of a character that is depicted as calm and stable, I'm still sad that most (if not every) adaptations hardly ever focus on him and when they do, it's all about his rational ability and his status as L's succesor (some even failed at this). Drama!Near is cute but I can't really grow on him (not to mention Drama!Mello is a mal-personaltity of Near that need to be supressed, gosh that messed me up). And I haven't watch other live-action movies yet bc there's no appeal in Near's charaters in those adaptations. He is reduced to a smart boy, more like a representation of all successors than himself. Also it's kinda disappointing to me that DN adaptations chose to focus on the first half but Light and L in these adaptations are never as good as the manga.

Sorry for this long and kinda depressing ask just wanna share some of my thoughts here, thank you for reading it all.

hello @mydearfortune, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I strongly agree with you about Near, and I think it's a shame his personality and deeper layers don't really come through in the adaptations outside the manga for me either. The bit that I found depressing in the HTR13 was that O&O both didn't seem to really like Near or to see him the same way that I saw him when I read the manga. He was one of my favourites overall, so it was a bit disappointing to me that they didn't seem to love him as much as I did.

I think Near's positive attachment to Mello is really curious and interesting and sad for him as well, and I love your interpretation of it and why he might feel affectionate toward him no matter what. I got the sense he had a lot of hopes tied up in reconciling with him and that he genuinely cared about him. I know not everyone agrees about this, but in my interpretation nearly all the interactions we see them have together seemed to be negative and hostile from Mello's end of things, and yet Near was still his most dedicated supporter at every turn. I can relate to this aspect of Near a little too well, where I sometimes will overthink people's actions or wish so badly to find something well-meaning and considerate behind it that I can trick myself into finding good intentions when there maybe aren't any to be found. I think it's depressing how he seemed to be languishing in the later one-shots as well, and I do think he's trying too hard to force himself into L's specific mold. L probably did well in that role because it was built around his specific personality, but I don't know if it's really working super well for Near. I want to fire him from L's job and make him go work at a board game cafe where he can chill for a bit and maybe meet a few nice friends who aren't just finger puppets or his employees, hahaha...

[bubbleteakoala]

Around November a kid in my class got the chickenpox. This caused our class to be quarantined for a little more than 2 weeks, which sucked even more because it started on the day before our over-night field trip. And it was pretty chaotic since we’re seniors. I didn’t see the need to post this before since not many of us on here lives in China, but now that most people are going through the same thing I decided to post some of the tips I have on staying at home and staying productive. Enjoy~

1. Set an alarm and wake up on time

I cannot tell you how many times some of my classmates missed homeroom (for us it’s mandatory cause they take attendance and it affects whether you graduate or not). Setting an alarm makes you wake up on time and prevents you from oversleeping. I admit there were times where I forgot to set my alarm, hit stop and contined to sleep, or literally slept through it. It happens. But you can’t let it keep happening. This messes up your whole day and might causes you to procrastinate even more because ‘everything is ruined anyways’ (though this may have smt to do with my mental health..). So remember to set an alarm to get started on your day on time!

2. Have a schedule and (try your best to) stick to it

Routine helps. When you literally have nothing to do, having a scheduled saves you from boredom and also from wasting your time thinking about what you have to or should do today. It doesn’t have to be packed, just a simple list of chores and activities would do. This also refrains you from delaying schoolwork for ‘tomorrow’.

3. Exercise!!

Yes. Staying at home and not moving much will not make you feel good. Especially to those who live in dorms or apartments. So move around, exercise a bit. You could do yoga, stretch a bit, or just freestyle jump around to music. Anything to get you moving, do it. It’ll help you from feeling cramped, stop you from gaining weight, and also make you feel better. Why? Because exercise=endorphins=happy people (and happy people don’t kill their husbands) . Doing some chores would work too! So get up and start moving!

4. Open the windows

For all those who grew up with your mothers opening the windows, you get it. You need to ‘change the air’. Right now you’re not getting any fresh air. And you can’t just go out to take a walk, right? Open your windows for half an hour in the morning, and you’ll feel a difference.

5. Have something to look forward to each day

This one is kinda related to the second point. I strongly recommend you to have something new to look forward to everyday. It could be eating a slice of the cake you decided to bake, an episode of your favorite tv show, or trying to achieve your goal of touching the ceiling idk. Having something to look forward to motivates you to get up everyday and keeps you from having your days mashed up together till you don’t remember whether you ate the bananas on Tuesday or Wednesday. Personally, I look forward to what I’m having for breakfast, that way I have another incentive to get up early and enjoy it before the rest of my family wakes up. So create a list of things you like to do (or would like to try), go over it right before bed, and choose one for the next day.

6. Change your clothes

Staying in your pajamas is really really tempting. However, your brain associates your pajamas with sleeping. So staying in it the whole day will make it question whether you should sleep or do something productive. This could also mess up your sleeping schedule. So lay out an outfit before you go to bed, and change into it when you start working.

7. Shower, please. And do your chores.

I don’t mean to sound like your mother, but just because you didn’t go outside, it doesn’t mean that you don’t need to shower. If you are staying in your pajamas the whole day and for a few days now, go shower and get a change of clothes. And chores? Yes you still need to do them. It is your job to keep the area you live in clean and tidy. Plus, cleaning it would get rid of germs. Take care of yourself, please.

8. Journal

Last one, stay with me kids. This was a habit I developed during the chickenpox quarantine. Although it was solely for my mental health, it helped a lot to just sit there and write about my thoughts, feelings, and what happened during the day. For those of you who are alone and have no human interaction, this might help you when you feel like ranting. Just sit down at the end of the day, and pour your heart out. If you don’t feel safe having a physical book lying around containing all these intimate and vulnerable parts of you, download a journaling app. Some have locks, and worse case you can just delete it to never see it again.

9. Human interaction

Wait no, this one’s the last one sorry! Contact your parents or friends once in a while. For those of you who often see them physically yet don’t have a habit of holding conversations with them online, call them. It helps with the loneliness that creeps In sometimes. Catch up with them, make sure they’re ok.

10. Lotion

YOUR HANDS ARE GOING TO GET DRY FROM ALL THAT WASHING SO PLEASE REMEMBER TO APPLY LOTION OR ANYTHING THAT WOULD HELP

So far these are all that I can remember, I’ll reblog this if I have more. Thanks for reading! I hope it helped~

[overwatch-does-stuff]

Torb and/or Rein for the character ask? Would love to hear your opinions!

For this ask game! This post turned out really really long so I'm putting it beneath the cut for the sake of the mobile users.

Torbjorn (my beloved):

a song that reminds me of them What I've Done by Linkin Park. Something about the more industrial sound and the themes of regret really hits different. If you want my really weird one, When They Come For Me by Linkin Park as well. I can't really explain this one as well. . . I know this song is literally about a rapper's journey but the kinda vibe of working hard to get better and rejecting what people expect you to be? That's what I associate. I'm worried I'm going to be mocked relentlessly for this one, because most people simplify Torb's character down to "haha funny dwarf man" but fail to mention the part where he's fiercely independent and is dealing with a lot on his plate. Okay and finally! Burn It Down by Linkin Park. This one is self explanatory, it gives me big Omnic Crisis vibes and the chorus is almost word-for-word his typical catch phrase.

what they smell like There's a very specific scent that I'll try to describe. There are chemicals used to get gun powder and other gook off of guns, and they have a very astringent, oily scent to them. No matter how many times you wash your hands, the smell always lingers. I imagine it lingers on him too.

an otp Him and his wife!!!

a notp Pretty much any other ship with him. I'm not really a shipper in general and I dislike breaking up canon ships.

favorite platonic/familial relationships Brigitte- I like to think he's a good dad. I like their relationship a lot, where they're obviously very close but he respects her enough to let her go her own way with things. I like the themes of legacy that surround them, the almost love-hate relationship Torbjorn has with her becoming an engineer like him, the almost love-hate relationship Brigitte has for joining an industry that already has her father's name plastered all over it. It's fascinating. Reinhardt- bubbly optimistic loud man is best friends with the grumpy pessimistic quieter man? A character dynamic made in heaven. Bastion- I thought I had already made a post where I outlined my thoughts on Torbjorn and Bastion, but I can't seem to find it. In short, not only are they the "cute dad robot child" combo, but Bastion also represents so much for Torb. Bastion is a walking reminder of the Crisis that he helped cause- the violence, the trauma, and most importantly, the legacy. Bastion is Torbjorn's redemption: if the most destructive robot he ever built can choose non-violence then maybe the Omnics can be a force of good after all. He hates Bastion but he needs them. And Bastion, looking for their own redemption and purpose, needs him too.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with Literally everything to do with the "haha funny dwarf man" side of the fanbase. I guarantee you, if Torbjorn was a normal height and typically attractive man he'd be one of the most beloved characters in the fandom but because he's short he's a joke. It makes me so mad!!

the position they sleep in Flat on his back, all sprawled out. Alternatively, I think he likes being the big spoon with his wife.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in Probably Transformers Prime. He'd be best freaking buds with Ratchet!

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn My favorite skin? Honestly, his classic skin is extremely iconic. . . but if I had to pick another it'd be Santaclad. It's literally flawless. Now for Reinhardt:

a song that reminds me of them Whenever I hear Reinhardt's name I immediately think of Sabaton. The entire band embodies his whole vibe- epic power metal telling and embellishing war stories of the past. I know this is stereotypical and often used as a joke pick, but I seriously do associate The Last Stand with him. It's a story from the time frame of the crusaders, although it follows a much more noble group of defenders- just like the Overwatch Crusaders. There's also a lot of overt religiousness in this song and while I don't headcanon Rein as religious, he does believe strongly in faith and the strength of spirit.

what they smell like It would be nice to think that he smells good, but honestly. . . I don't see him using any sort of cologne or anything. Like yeah, he showers, but he's so active that I bet he's always sort of sweaty. He smells very masculine in that sense.

an otp I don't really ship him with anyone because I headcanon him as aro/ace.

a notp I just. . . I don't like shipping him with Ana, purely because I think their platonic relationship is 100x better

favorite platonic/familial relationships Ana- I have a lot of thoughts on this one. . . I feel like these two would be the type to use the phrase "my better half" platonically. There's a contrast between them, yes, with Ana being the quieter and more responsible and Reinhardt more energetic and outspoken, but their differences cover each other's weaknesses. Both care so deeply about the ones they love and would do anything to protect them. Both of them are dealing with the fallout of Overwatch in almost the exact same way as well, and I think it would be good if they met up sometime in canon and coped together- except for the fact that she left him behind to begin with. It's that friendship with that hint of tragedy that really gets me. Brigitte- Platonic mentor/mentee relationship???? Reinhardt being godfather status????? How could you not. How could you not adore them. Bastion- They're not friends. The dev teaser for OW2 made that one very clear. But. . . their interplay is going to be interesting as hell. It always has been. They're two old soldiers with a sizable and frankly quite understandable chip on their shoulder. Will they reconcile, will they heal? There's a part of Rein (and Bastion as well) that wishes to befriend everyone he meets. Will it be able to overcome the trauma between them?

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with This is fanon but instead canon but- some of Michael Chu's short stories imply that Ana and Jack don't like Reinhardt and that is. Not Correct. They're all friends because I said so.

the position they sleep in I think he sleeps on his side or his stomach, but never on his back. I also imagine he cuddles- be it a person or a pillow.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in Knight Rider, simply because he adores David Hasslehoff so much.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn I'm an absolute sucker for power armor, and Reinhardt's classic crusader armor is peak power armor design.

[agerefandom]

Okay, this is just a silly over-sharing personal post about my experience of kinning and how that feels for me! If I’m going to talk about it on here, I figure I should introduce my… unique experience of it. 

Note: this is a vulnerable post for me, so please don’t make fun of me for my experiences or fandoms! Asking questions is totally okay, and corrections are welcome, but please be patient and give me the benefit of the doubt that I’m doing my best! Also, content warning for passing mentions of depression, insomnia, hallucinations, and flashbacks. The whole thing is a bit of a mental trip, so if you’re prone to unreality problems, I don’t recommend reading this! 

Right! So, what is kinning, or being otherkin or fictionkin?

That’s a really complicated question! The community has expanded a lot in the last few years, and to be honest, the words have kinda lost their meaning. (Some people from the old communities are mad about that, and honestly... I get it.)

I’m not otherkin, so I’m not going to talk about it too much, but it’s the longer-established community (although I’m pretty sure that people have been kinning characters, people, animals, and concepts since the beginning of humans, hit me up for historical examples if you’d like).

Basically, being otherkin is when you identify as something other than human! People have lots of explanations for why this happens: reincarnation, spiritual connections. Others see it as connected to their neurodivergence, and others don’t feel the need to justify their identity as otherkin!

Being fictionkin is really blowing up on the internet right now, and it’s when you identify as a fictional character (ie. Sherlock Holmes). It’s a nebulous concept, and some people are now using ‘kinning’ as a way to say that they just relate to a character, or they find a part of themself expressed in a character. Others identify fully with the character, or have memories from what they believe is a past life or alternate universe where they were that character.

I’m not gonna say that one definition of ‘kinning’ is right and others are wrong, because language is made to evolve, and my own experience is so complicated that I hardly know which side my own experiences fall on! But it’s important to know that both communities exist, and it’s currently hard to tell what a person means by having a character on their ‘kinlist’ (list of characters/things they kin).

My story with kinning, under the ‘read more’. 

When I was a kid, it took me a long time to figure out that other people don’t experience media the same way that I do. They don’t feel sharp pain in their leg when someone on-screen hurts a leg, for example.  

I have over-active empathy: I can tell when someone on the train is feeling anxious, because I start feeling my heart racing. I share this quirk with my mother, who’s a lot better at regulating it. It might be an autism thing, it might be a spiritual thing, lots of people have given theories. But it’s a thing that I experience, and that’s all that matters for the moment.

As one consequence of this hyperempathy, ever since I was a child, I have a tendency to ‘pick up’ characters: the lines between myself and them blur while I watch a movie or read a book, and then I can’t quite unblur those lines when I’m done.

(I jumped off the garage roof when I was six, insisting I was Peter Parker. I sprained an ankle and was banned from Spider-Man content until I was eleven.)

I don’t pick up characters as often anymore: I can go anywhere from four months to two years without the lines of my selfhood getting blurry. When I was a young teen, though, it felt like my head was just full of people who wanted different things, and I couldn’t tell which of them were me, which of them were my parents, and which of them were fictional.

Thank god high school is over.

Anyways, ‘picking up’ characters has always been a struggle for me. It challenges my fashion choices, my favourite activities, my gender identity, and sometimes even my taste in food. It lasts for two weeks to six months, and then I subside back into my ‘natural’ state (which was rapidly changing in my teen years, adding to my confusion).

It made me feel really crazy, because none of my friends had this experience, and I’d never heard anyone else talking about it!

It turns out there is a term for this, it’s called ‘fictionflickers.’ It’s a term for a wide range of experiences, but one of the things it covers is briefly switching to the viewpoint of a fictional character, or a temporary ‘taking on’ of a character. Exactly what I experience! It’s temporary, and kin-adjacent, but it doesn’t technically fall under the umbrella of being fictionkin or otherkin, which are more fixed identities (although some people would argue that).

I am so happy to have a word for this. It makes me feel validated, and like I can actually talk to people about it. And it helps me to deal with it without fear, knowing that I’m not alone in the experience.

But then there’s another category of characters, which only showed up when I read a series called All For The Game (or The Foxhole Court) at age 18.

There’s a character in this series named Andrew Minyard. Immediately, I knew he was ‘mine’ (in a way I often connect to characters that become fictionflickers). His name leapt out at me from the page, I could feel his actions in my body more strongly than the other characters, it almost felt like I could predict his actions.

Anyways, bad things happen to that character. Well, bad things happen to most characters in that series. But Andrew’s plotline hit me hard, twisting my empathy into one big bundle of terribleness. I had nightmares for months, always in his body, and all throughout it, there was this terrible feeling that I was forgetting something.

I put it down to being a really bad fictionflicker (although I didn’t have the term yet, I called it ‘picking up characters,’ and I knew it was a reoccurring experience). But it was weird: there was no real shift in my personality or tastes, aside from a severe drop in mood because of the nightmares and insomnia. It wasn’t like a fictionflicker at all, aside from the fact that I couldn’t get this character out of my head.

Eventually, the nightmares started bleeding over into my days in the form of vivid flashbacks and… I stopped fighting what I’d been too scared to admit to myself. They were memories. They weren’t my memories, they were Andrew’s memories, but they were in my head, and I was dealing with the consequences.

Everything got easier when I recognized that. It felt right to process them as memories, rather than hallucinations, which I had been thinking of them as. This change in thinking made a huge difference, although I couldn’t tell you why, and the nightmares finally stopped.

But still, what were someone else’s memories doing in my head? Surely that was weirder than hallucinations?

And that’s when I found the kin community, and threw myself in headfirst.

Memories are one of the key differences between ‘I relate to a character’ kinning and ‘I am this character’ kinning. There are tons of other people with character-memories!!! I’ve quizzed dozens of (very patient and kind) people who share this experience, and heard dozens of theories about why it happens.

I don’t really have a personal theory, to be honest. It’s weird, and it’s happening, and I’m still not quite sure what to do about it, if anything. Mostly, I just try and be more open about it, when I can be. It’s still such a strange and unusual experience, and I get nervous explaining it to people, but it helps to talk about it. Especially when memories or new characters are bothering me, and I need help to separate myself from them.

Sometimes the line between ‘fictionflicker’ and ‘kinning’ is hard for me to find. The vivid thoughts and cravings that come with my fictionflickers occasionally cross into memories, and it’s really only time that will tell whether a character is a permanent part of me, or a temporary identification.

Anyways, here’s a list of my permanent kins, and my more recent or significant fictionflickers! I would never tell anyone about these without all the context you just read, but I think you can understand me well enough not to judge them too harshly now. 

Here’s the picrew I used to make most of the images! 

--

Kins (and memories)

Andrew Minyard (Foxhole Court: mainly childhood memories: no memories of the book era, some pre-novel Palmetto memories)

Dirk Strider (Homestuck: non-game universe: caregiver splinter in a mess of a headspace with lots of folks around)

Holden Caulfield (Catcher In The Rye: hospital memories, and not much else)

Spiral (Magnus Archives: pre-Michael era, blurry memories, how it felt to be a labyrinth)

--

Fictionflickers (age 16-22, not in chronological order)

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls: two months: had some very confusing times thinking I had one eye. Enjoyed the music taste.)

Wade Wilson (Marvel: twelve months: helped me get all the voices in line when I was a teen. Also, made me feel better about the eczema that used to cover my face and shoulders. A reoccurring fictionflicker every few years.)

Mae Borowski (Night In The Woods: one month: on the line of kin and fictionflicker. I miss her mother terribly. Doesn’t mix well with my fear of heights, since I want to climb everything. I get weird dreams as Mae, but I often get weird dreams.)

Alexander Hamilton (Hamilton: six months: worst fictionflicker ever, I didn’t sleep a solid night for months but I did get straight As and met the Prime Minister. Long story.)

Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty: two months: absolutely terrible person to have in your head. I wrote some songs, stayed up late, and dressed defensively feminine. I usually refuse to admit that I have memories from a version of him, because I’m not putting that name on my proper kinlist.)

Kevin (Welcome To Night Vale: ?one month?: another kin/fictionflicker blurry line. He makes my mouth hurt when I listen to his episodes. He was bringing up my Spiral memories before The Magnus Archives ever came out.)

Courfeyrac (Les Miserables: four months: brilliant era. Had so much energy. Joined a political group on campus, made donuts for people, and generally had a good time. Dated too many of my friends, though.)

[sweetie-o]

💚 LAURMAU ALLIANCE COMMUNITY REUNION ANNOUNCEMENT💜

Intro ~ Hi, I’m Chianti!

When you first take a good look at this post, you see a collection of terrible artwork along with a meme that was made by thirteen year old girl who enjoyed Aphmau. Little do you know, this is what I would post on my favorite G+ community back in my middle school days and TRUST ME, I still have a lot of   Aphmau fanart laying around in my files collecting internet dust.  What I didn’t realize was that this will soon become a staple in my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here is my story: 

When I was in middle school I was constantly bullied for my weight and it didn’t help at the time that I was very sensitive as well. I soon discovered minecraft roleplay youtubers such as Aphmau, Aviatorgaming, Thinknoodles, ThatBurtDad (that wasn’t his name back in the day), and even really enjoyed DanTDM’s custom mod adventures with his pal Dr. Trayaurus (i feel incredibly old and I just turned 17) but Aphmau was the one who really caught my eye. When I discovered Minecraft Diaries, it was just like a whole ‘nother world to me. I remember me wanted to buy her merch, I remember getting excited everytime she would upload, and I remember how much I shipped Laurance and Aphmau together. 

Although I don’t watch her anymore and have a lot criticisms towards her content, if I met her today, I would give her the biggest hug ever. I strongly beieved that the youtubers I watched back in middle school saved my life. It was just the escapism of watching their content. Aphmau made me want to jump in the screen and spend time in Phoenix Drop alongside her with Kawaii~Chan, Laurance, Garroth, Keke, Malachi and Levin, Katelyn, and so many more characters. This is what led to discover the G+ community, “Laurmau Alliance”. 

If I came home and had a rough day, it was there, my escape was there. The community was so supportive. Not only did we care about Laurmau, we cared about each other. This is gonna kinda emotional but sometimes I wonder about the friends that I made in that community online. Now that I think about it, a couple of the  kids in that community had problems concerning their mental health which sometimes, leads me to think if they are still alive (yes, I know this sounds dark but I worry). I hated the way that I look and I had all negativity going through my head throughout the day. When I came home, I saw positivity. I saw compassion, and I saw creative kids and teens who posted the most wonderful artwork. It was like therapy y’all. I really needed therapy. 

After about 2-3 years or so, the community kinda fell of a bit. I guess we were growing up and we stopped enjoying Aphmau after a while, a lot of the members in the community who were once very active, pretty much left (which leads me to think again if they are still alive but I try to stick to the “growing up’ theory). Soon  after that, I get a notification from G+ saying that it would shut down. This was very saddening at time not because it was going to shut down, it was also because of the fact that I was trying to rebuild the community since it was dying out but it was already too late. Before the shut down, I made a post that was an invite to a discord server. I figured that maybe we could rebuild the community over there. Sadly, only two people joined. Funny thing was, I wasn’t the owner and I never became a moderator but I cared that much. I believe I was a freshman then but I still cared. I’mma about to be a senior in high school y’all. 

please honor your youth.   

I’m making this post to try one more time. 

If you were a part of the Laurmau Alliance community on G+, here is your invite to a discord server:  https://discord.gg/ctE789VR

I want to give a special shout out to Aphmau/Jess. I hope everything is alright with you Jess. Thank you for raising me in middle school along with Laurmau Alliance and other Aphmau-related communities on G+. 

 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

😻

[izukult]

This is such a cute idea! I’m addicted to making weirdly specific Spotify playlists so this is perfect. I have an ✨eclectic✨ music taste but my favorites are usually bedroom pop (mxmtoon, chloe moriondo, khai dreams, etc), romantic classical (think Debussy and Revel), and indie (although I like some Megan Thee Stallion, AC/DC, Nirvana, etc when I’m hyping myself up). As far as my personality goes, I’m pretty insightful and like to support people whenever I can, even if I don’t know them well. I can be a little chaotic sometimes, but I like to think it’s a chaotic good. I love tea, blankets, philosophy, deep conversations, the outdoors, and writing. I’m also an INFP and a Taurus :)

Sorry if that was too much, thank you so much! Take care of yourself and stay well

- Elle ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

( @snoozless ) you don’t understand how bad i want to be your friend. 😐😐 ok so you kind of get bonus 😀 but it rly might not be bonus because akfjakdkw. so, i gave you matsukawa!! but he’s not always like revered about so if u want a character lmk!! i am. in love w him tho. you’re so sweet you would balance him out and yall would be equally chaotic together.

he would have philosophical questions w u!! he might just be a little blunt & might accidentally cut the convo short, but he would listen to everything you said.

he’s used to a wide variety of music bc i’m convinced the seijoh playlists are absolutely fucking cracked like so loud. so he really could sit there and listen to anything. and i mean ANYTHING. like if you wanted to put on christian rock he’d awkwardly try to tap his foot on beat for you.

but, that doesn’t mean he’s gonna geek over you i feel like he’d be pretty private about the relationship. he’s not like secretive but he’s not gonna post you every two seconds yknow? he wouldnt put prom photos, but if yall went to look at the stars or go on a little hike he’d take a pic and youre wearing baggy sweats and one of his shirts and your hair isnt brushed for shit and it’s way too dark to properly make your face out and he’d put that shit on his main absolutely 😒

this man would be the kind of mf to look up his “crush’s” zodiac just for shits & giggles, so if he randomly knows a taurus fact, don’t question it<3 (he looked up your compatibility and he will take that to the grave)

issei is an infp idc. so yall got that in common.

he’s genuinely so pretty.

bc i took so long, i’m going to put descriptions for all the songs i love you thanks for requesting sorry for taking forever i’ll link the playlist and list the songs<3

1. silly girl- chloe moriondo

okay while this song is actually kinda sad, i think tHIS is pretty cute. issei comes off as this intimidating guy, and the more you get to know him the more you forget ab this idea of him you had or whatever? like the lyrics “i made him perfect, cause i wanted him to be” are really prominent in the point i’m tryna make because like even tho the lyric is obviously sad bitch shit, music is up for interpretation and this is like “hello ok he actually a real mf and shiiit maybe he cool😁✊”

2. nice boys- TEMPOREX

kinda sad. i don’t care how unemotional he might act, everyone has shit that brings them down. PLUS HES A PISCES THERES NO WAY HES NOT SAD SOMETIMES. this song just really taps into insecurities for him, and the song just gets under his skin in like a very therapeutic way. also “because he’s a pisces” some of his emotions are super intense so the “because he cares too much” line hits him fuckin hard

3. IV. sweatpants- childish gambino

this is some shit he listens to more with his team, absolutely. no doubt they blare this shit during weekly practice. but, he really really likes the song. so, when you’re hanging out and he has the aux? it’s one of the first ones he puts on. you two jam to it together. he’ll come up w dumb little dances to fit with certain lyrics (stole some of them from oikawa and hanamaki, but he won’t tell you)

4. you get me so high- the neighbourhood

okay unfortunately i must say him and hanamaki get fuckin faded in empty fields at two am all trashy like. but they make it look good idc. and if you smoke, cool, if you don’t he does not care. he always associated getting high with,,, getting high and everytime he listened to this song it just was one of his getting blazed jams, but now he’s got like a different kinda “euphoric” feel with loving you? like i said this bitch is a pisces even if he doesn’t overwhelm you with affection, he thinks ab you 24/7

5. 80’s makeout session- dacelynn

thIS SONG IS SO CUTE. but it’s p self explanatory. in love and also spare a kiss pls

6. can i call you tonight- dayglow

i feel like actually coming to terms with genuine feelings for someone would be kind of weird for issei. like no offense, but he sees it as kind of a pain in the ass. i genuinely think he would be someone to put his all into work or a task in front of him. he’s super intuitive, and constantly uses it to be better. whether it’s in volleyball or like cremating ppl i guess (HE WORKS INA FUNERAL HOME POST TIME SKIP IF U DIDNT KNOW). and it’s the same in relationships, but it’s also harder because he can’t have this complete clear head because you make his brain go kinda fuzzy. so, this song is like his little way of expressing that even tho he was like ‘internally conflicted’ this mf chose to go for it and that’s how much u mean to him

7. clair de lune, L. 32- claude debussy

i’m gonna be fucking honest with you. even though he’ll listen to anything, i really don’t think this man is looking up ‘classical romance study tunes’ playlists in his free time. he definitely enjoys the music, but that’s only if someone points it out to him. and he’s listened to you talk about it before, and watched you as you heard the piano and gauged your reactions and thought u were pretty cute he’s not gonna lie😼. so he definitely just looked up classical romance and picked the first recommended song and added it on there. he’ll dance w you a lil bit, but it wouldn’t be that quiet, intimate slow dancing in the dark you think would come w this song. itd just be a little sway as he hugs you from behind while you get water, or he twirls you once randomly with a laugh UGH I LOVE HIM

8. like real people do- hozier

ok. this one was fun for me. idc. double meaning lol. so this song is literally about two dead bodies in a bog and ,,, and he works in a funeral home PLS LMAOFJAJDJA I THINK THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY AND SO DOES HE. but also this song literally is my idea of love. this is my idea of love. and yall listen to it, with your stupid little death joke, but he looks at you and he’s just like ‘oh’. yknow? YKNOW?

9. BS- still woozy

like i said, i think he puts a lot into work. and he literally plays for a powerhouse school there’s no way he doesn’t practice a lot. so that means there’s a lot of time where he’s physically not there and definitely can’t text, because he’s trying to improve. and while he wouldn’t stop volleyball for someone else, he understands that you are like super amazing for being so Cool with him not being the most available. the song just reminds him of how compassionate you are and also he does miss u when he’s at practice YKNOW?

10. i <3 u- boy pablo

this one made me so fucking soft ew. ok. this song reminds him of you so so much. he’s totally okay being vulnerable with you? and even though he has pretty heightened emotions, he’s never felt like so strongly for smth other than like ??? volleyball and caring ab his siblings (BUT HE FEELS DIFFERENT FOR U THAN HE DOES FOR A VOLLEYBALL AND HIS SIBLINGS PLEASE😁). HE LUVVVVV YOU

11. heart-shaped box- nirvana

so many reasons. for one, simply fucking JAM. yall would scream this on a drive. if you ever got drunk together, this would be the first song you play. also, little lyrics remind you of each other. (the pisces lyric in the first and third verse, and even tho the flowers aren’t being used in a sweet sense in the song he does remember talking ab flowers w u, and now any flower is mentioned and he’s like “ah yes. my girlfriend.”)

12. pluto projector- rex orange county

FUCK. FUCK THIS SONG. GOD. NO. LIKE HE REALIZES HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU WITH THIS SONG. HE T E L L S YOU HE’S IN LOVE WITH YOU WITH THIS SONG. the first time, he just sends you the name of it like ‘pluto projector <3’ and you listen and it’s so sweet and ur like ayo turn this shit up. and he adds it to your playlist, which definitely gets a smile from you. and then one night like two weeks later youre just laying together, and he’s running his fingers through his hair and he pulls away for a second to grab his phone and he turns the song on and you just listen to it in silence and it’s so fucking intimate. and he’s just like “i don’t think i’ve ever related to a song more” and you think he’s making a joke so you tell him to shut up (also jokingly) and he just laughs and it’s dark in his room and he’s playing with your hair again and he just goes “god, if you’re telling me to shut up over that i don’t even want to imagine how you’re gonna react when i tell you i love you” and it’s right around 3:10 in the song i’m literally so gone for him. bye you cry and try to hide it but he can tell HES PERCEPTIVE

13. i wanna be yours- arctic monkeys

okay for one, it’s a good song. it’s a song he absolutely let’s play in the background, just to cover the static lol. but also? ALSO? THE TITLE APPLIES TO YOU THE FUCK? it’s as if,,, he’s whipped,,

14. supermassive black hole- muse

hanamaki prolly showed him this song, and it’s one of his vibe songs. he will do falsetto while singing it if he’s in a really good mood and it just makes everyone laugh, including himself. it actually kind of grosses him out, because this song used to literally just be a song he would aimlessly go hard to but NOW his little bitch ass is like “you set my soul alight”? i guess i relate and “oh baby, i’m a fool for you” well, surely i’m not a fool but yea i get you muse sing it. it’s so gross. at this point he wants one thing that doesn’t make him think of you, just to prove that he’s not that gone, but he struggling

15. desperado- rhianna

i’m sorry to say it but this song makes him feel like a bad bitch LMAOOOOO. like if he’s ever getting pregame jitters or anything, he will just play this song. whether it’s on the speaker or in his headphones, he puts this shit on full volume and gets a lil too cocky LOL. this is also on the main seijoh playlist no doubt. he wants to share his bad bitch song w you, so you can aLSO feel like a bad bitch?? dUH

IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT BABES! IF YOU WANT ANY OF THE SONGS CHANGED (or even the character) LMK!! UR AMAZING ur so sweet it makes me ill

[acespec-ed]

hi!! I was wondering if u could help me? I’m alloaro and I just discovered the term aromid… and it makes me question myself. I’m very unsure if I’m on the asexual spectrum or if I just experience sex repulsion sometimes? I’ve looked at so many acespec labels and cannot find one that actually fits me. literally I’ve seen them all. I haven’t really felt comfortable calling myself ace and I do enjoy saying I’m alloaro but I wonder if I’m actually on the ace spectrum as well… how do I differentiate between sex repulsion and asexuality? For one, I’m hypersexual and feel the need/pressure to be sexual or I’m not good enough… and I do want sex I think? I fantasize about it and I enjoy smut and some art .. but when I visually see nakedness or irl sex… it makes me feel very uncomfortable and I don’t enjoy that. I enjoy the thoughts and fiction and when people are only partially clothed…. but I just have this feeling of repulsion and fear of actually doing it irl (what if I hate it and it makes me uncomfortable?) and when I think about it I do imagine myself and this other person but it’s also hard to actually see us and not just faceless non existing people… and idk how much of me wanting sex is just pressure from hypersexuality or me genuinely having sexual attraction … idk if I really have much of a libido or want for sex?? would I be able to call myself alloaro AND aromid.. as in I’m alloaro but possibly SOMEWHERE on the ace spectrum?.. or maybe I’m just sex repulsed and fully not ace at all? I feel like my situation here makes me unable to call myself alloaro but I AM alloaro and I love being alloaro… I don’t wanna stop saying I am but it also feels like there’s more to it?

same anon from before! I read a post of yours about the umm “allos see ‘cake’ and immediately know they want to eat it” and it confuses me … idk what I experience? I see fictional characters and I can go “they look sexy I am attracted to them maybe if want to have sex with them?” I see people and ??? idk sometimes I get unwanted thoughts of having sex with friends when I don’t actually want to or find attractive…I can see people and think they’re sexy/attractive .. but idk if I’d think “yeah I’d have sex with them” I mean it depends bc I think someone can imagine having sex with someone and enjoy it and want it but would they actually wanna seriously have sex with that stranger without having any connection with them…? Sex is scary so I’d need to know and trust them maybe… be scared to show my body..but I don’t think I’d be comfortable calling myself demi? Idk I don’t get this .. do I look at someone and immediately think whether I’d want to have sex with them or not? I really don’t know … also.. so…. Libido is just wanting sex in general and sexual attraction is wanting specific people?… how do I differentiate all of this it’s so confusing! I guess MAYBE I do look at peopl and go “wow they’re pretty/sexy id want sex” BUT I DONT KNOW LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT… am I not allo WHATS going on here .. can you explain what it would be like to be sex repulsed AND allo instead of ace? and the difference between that and being ace and sex repulsed? thank u

~~

I’m so sorry I’m saying so much I just have no one to talk to :C … but um… someone told me “if you’re sex repulsed .. you’re still allo unless you feel like u don’t relate to being allo anymore” and I’m honestly so confused because…. do my weird feelings towards sex influence my sexuality? do I still feel connected to being allo? personally I feel like these feelings are ones allo people don’t typically have ..plus I’ve always felt bad for not being sexual enough or feeling the same sexual feelings as people/ (also why do I have sex repulsion I don’t think I rlly had much sexual trauma going on.. some little incidents but still??) and if I told allo people these feelings… they would not relate and would think I’m weird for it ..but an ace person might relate and would understand … I feel like it does influence how I see my sexuality/attraction and complicates things…however.. I feel like I can’t call myself acespec bc often I want sex (even with a specific person.. although they look different when I imagine them and also don’t exactly have a Look/face/body in my head..same with me) often and I’m hypersexual so I like over sexualizing myself …plus I like saying I’m alloaro and don’t want to let go of it… nor do I want to ID with a specific ace spec label.. I’d like to just say I’m ace (just like how I call myself aromantic even when I’m specifically gray romantic) why can’t I just be ace and not ace at the same time or in between I don’t know 😭…. what do allos experience how is their life like with sexual attraction and how is someone’s life like without sexual attraction … I don’t get it at alllllll

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw you sent three asks and decided to combine them all in this post to make answering this easier. Just reading these asks are making my head spin, so I can only imagine how confused you must feel. And it's fine that you're sending so many asks- I know what it's like to have no one to talk to about things.

I'll start this off by saying you can call yourself whatever you feel most comfortable calling yourself. And if it's alloaro, then of course you can keep calling yourself alloaro. You do sound like you could fit somewhere on the ace spectrum, but I couldn't tell you where.

A lot of what I'm about to say you might already know, since it sounds like you've been doing your own bit of research, but here I go.

Whether or not you desire sex on its own doesn't determine if you're asexual. If you've never felt any urges to have sex with anyone specific, then you haven't experienced sexual attraction. So it's helpful to remove your interest in sex itself, along with libido, when questioning. Focus it all on if you've wanted sex with anyone in particular. If the answer is no, or very rarely, it's likely you could be on the asexual spectrum. You mentioned you've experienced it towards someone specific, so it sounds to me like you'd be in the gray area, if on it at all.

I will say, it is totally normal to be nervous, and even scared, of having sex at first. A lot of allos are able to get over this fear- possibly because of sexual attraction. I first felt sexual attraction towards my boyfriend, and though I was repulsed, I wanted to do sexual things with him so bad I was able to get over the fear and disgust through slow exposure. So I think sexual attraction on its own is a huge motivator to "get over" sex repulsion and go for it.

Of course, you should never do anything you are not comfortable doing. And never force yourself into doing any sexual activities. A lot of aces have ended up with trauma over that sort of thing. The reason I went for it was because I naturally became comfortable with things escalating as time went on. Kinda like exposure therapy, I guess.

I'm not sure if you already saw it, but I did write this post on an experience I had where I was sex-repulsed by someone I was sexually attracted to. So it is possible to be sex-repulsed and sexually attracted to a person, but I understand how hard it can be to tell for sure.

I can't tell you what it's like to be allo. But other than the few times I've experienced sexual attraction, I lived my life with a libido directed towards no one, fluctuating between being sex-indifferent and repulsed, and occasionally getting a crush I had no sexual attraction towards. 

As for what it’s like being sex-repulsed and ace: I can’t imagine having sex with anyone. I just can’t. Every time I get a crush, I try to imagine sex with them, and my brain just shuts that off. It wants nothing to do with those thoughts. Sex-repulsed with sexual attraction: It’s only happened twice and the first time (with my bf) I had no idea wtf was going on and it was 10 years ago so I can’t remember enough to tell you aside from what I’ve already said. The other time though, I wasn’t 100% sure if it was sexual attraction at first- but my body became aroused at the sight of him, and the arousal went away when he left. But when I thought of sex with him, I was grossed out. But I kept forcing myself to think of sex with him, and grew more comfortable with the idea. And the more I thought about it, the more I figured, “hey, maybe I am sexually attracted to him.” 

Every person is different though.

I can totally understand your confusion because some of your experiences sound like you’re allo and some sound like you could be acespec. I honestly don’t know what else to say or what answers to give. I will say this though: I strongly doubt any allo has had to question their allosexuality as much as you are.

But circling back to what I first said: you can label yourself as whatever you feel most comfortable with. It’s okay if you don’t fit the exact definitions of an identity 100%. Every person is different, even those sharing the same label. And if you decide your experiences are just too complicated for a label, you don’t need one either. 

Sorry if this was all over the place, but I hope it was somewhat helpful!