#also...i kind of wonder where Hen is in all of this

[metalicar]

I guess I knew this already from people talking about it here on tumblr, but it's still surprising to see how they dialed the Buddie situationship to 11 between season 6 and 7? Wow, Tommy is braver than any US marine for getting between that. And I guess he really tried to get out, I'm not blaming him for leaving 'Evan' after his date, even though it was a shitty thing to do.

On the other hand, he did settle for Buck after striking out with Eddie, what the fuck was that all about? Also, I still haven't forgotten the Hen begins, he seems just enough reformed to come across as fine, but still easy to hate. I just know Eddie would be offended on Buck's behalf if he knew that Buck was the second choice and got the most basic treatment after the extravaganza of Muay Thai fights and helicopter flights.

I love the subtle storytelling from the first episode of the season where they establish a couple of cool facts. Like, Christopher having a date over and Eddie saying it doesn't look different than hanging out with buddies, Buck adding "yeah, but with sexual tension", genuinely surprising Eddie with it. Or Buck being sure in his opinion of Eddie being the champion of turning women off, which is why he never felt threatened as much as in 7.04 I guess. Confessing to Maddie that he wanted Eddie's attention literally an hour before telling Tommy he wanted ~his~ attention, actually. Or Tommy confidently saying "I guess it's just me that makes you nervous" and at the very same second enter Eddie, and he makes Buck the most nervous he's ever been?? But literally immediately after has no reservations of dropping the bomb on Maddie like it's no big deal. He literally tells her he has no idea why he felt the need to lie to Eddie specifically. God, so delicious.

I don't want to downplay Buck's first experience with a man obviously, but the whole thing came with the ghost of Eddie attached to it so heavily that Tommy was actually so real to just not want to deal with it. He was totally right to say that Buck wasn't ready for it, but I think he mostly meant not ready to examine the reason for this jealousy and discomfort. I think Tommy IS perceptive and knew from the start how this was going to end, but still wanted that cookie, which I totally understand. But ALSO, I wanna be offended on Buck's behalf a bit because come on, Tommy wanted the Diaz ass first, like that is the thing that happened, right??

I also feel like they took a pretty big step into pulling the POV from Eddie and giving it to Buck temporarily, I feel like we deliberately pulled out of Eddie's brain for a period of time with a specific intention in mind, which I find kind of cool. I mean, this is exactly how you keep the tension. I wonder if they keep this up until the end of s08, which would align with my prediction that they plan to switch the POV to Eddie in s09?

[drsantosgf]

•°•

[thelikesofus]

Buddie Fic Recs

Welcome to another 9-1-1 Hiatus! Here is Buddie Rec List Number 8 to keep you all fed during the break. I’ve been compiling these fics for a whileee, so this is going to be kind of long. Find my other Buddie Rec Lists HERE REMINDER TO CHECK THE TAGS AND TRIGGER WARNINGS

i slur your name 'til someone puts me in a car by @crazygirleddie | T | 4k

Buck gets sloppy drunk with Hen and decides this is the perfect time to go to Eddie and tell him he loves him. This fic is so wholesome and hilarious, and I love the way the author writes Buck and Eddie in this. 

you will get a sentimental feeling when you hear voices singin by @sergeantchenford | T | 2k

A short and sweet fic where Buck mopes about Eddie moving to El Paso, has a conversation with Bobby, and goes to a charity event. I think we all need some Bobby and Buck interactions right now, and obviously, Eddie isn’t leaving, and Chris is coming home!

my heart wants to come home by @sergeantchenford | T | 5.8k

Another fic by the very talented Jules, but this one is about Buck and Eddie catnapping an old lady's cat and talking about dying alone. Very sweet ending <3

The Bunkroom Fic by exvichan | T | 11k

This is the bunk room bottle fic we deserve! Incredible, absolutely amazing fic! 

emails i can't send by @drmellking | T | 5.9k

Another wonderful fic by my beloved friend April <3 Buck leaves his email account open on his laptop while looking after Jee, and she accidentally presses send on all the emails Buck wrote but never meant for Eddie to see. 

(we tried) we said we'd keep in touch by @chronicowboy | T | 6.8k

With Eddie in El Paso, Buck isn’t feeling the Christmas spirit this year, so he agrees to cover someone else’s shift rather than go to the FireFam Christmas party. Eddie has other plans. And I am rocking in a corner and crying over how perfect and cozy this fic is, literally all the feels xx

Songbird by @colonoscopys | E | 71k

Country Singer Eddie AU that is so horrendously heartbreakingly horrifically incredible. My heart was literally in my throat the whole time, and honestl,y this fic is so beautiful, you just have to read it!

Snickerdoodles of Longing by @elvensorceress | E | 52k

Would this really be a Meegs rec list without a Jenwyn fic?? This is the Eddie moves to Texas fic we all deserved as he makes the decision to leave and then slowly unravels as he realizes what he really wants and what he's losing. There’s also a part two of this that I have yet to read, but I can guarantee it will also be incredible because everything Jenwyn writes is just *chefs kiss*. 

A Place For You, Next to Me by @spotsandsocks | M | 23k

I have very talented mutuals, okay, so here’s a beautiful fic from the wonderful Spotty. Buck decides to do something special for Eddie’s birthday, but his plans are about to be thwarted because oh my goodness THERE’S ONLY ONE BED *cheers and screams from the fandom* 

Five Years by aubrey_writes | M | 8k

Buck gets blipped. Eddie's left behind. A love story told through what Eddie did in his absence. 

A Hole in the World by @thatdisasterauthor | T | 61k 

Buck tries to help someone having what he thinks is a medical emergency while he’s at the grocery store, but his kindness is taken for granted when he is KIDNAPPED AND TAKEN CAPTIVE IN A DOOMSDAY BUNKER. This fic had me on the edge of my seat the whole way through, it is such an incredibly captivating read!

Fears and Assurances in Equal Measure by @thatdisasterauthor | M | 15k

It should've been a simple call. But when the "small fire in an apartment kitchen" turns into a collapse that traps Eddie as the fire continues to burn, Buck is forced to make an impossible choice to save the man he loves. The emotional and physical hurt/comfort in this is to die for <3

it hit me in the kitchen by @bugsongs | G | 13k

Eddie leaves for Texas, and everybody copes with food in one way or another. There’s so much good Eddie and Christopher communication in this fic, it really healed me. 

forever is the sweetest con by @becausebuckley | E | 37k

Buck is invited to a family reunion and realises that there's a good chunk of money waiting for him. There’s one issue, though: he has to be married to claim it, and right now, he’s painfully single. It’s a good thing he has such a great best friend in eddie, right? MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE! EVERYONE LIKES THAT!

like a river runs by @nymika-arts | T | 56k

Buck and Maddie’s flight goes missing, and they are presumed dead. Five years later, their flight lands unscathed, but the world has moved on without them. This fic is so heartbreaking. I had my heart in my throat the whole time, but it is also so beautiful. 

a straight guy and an ally walk into a bar… by @songbvrd | M | 23k

After Buck gets dumped, he remembers he agreed to go to Abby's wedding with a date. Eddie steps up and pretends to be his boyfriend. All hell breaks loose.

Batting a Buck & Change by @cal-daisies-and-briars | T | 15k

Eddie and Chim embark on a “Dad’s night out” to watch baseball at a sports bar, and after a few too many, Eddie accidentally lets his feelings for Buck slip. EddieChim Bestism my beloved. Honestly, this fic is so much fun, and I am obsessed with all of it!

In a Moment of Clarity by @thekristen999 | T | 14k

As the jeep rounded a sharp bend, its tires suddenly lost traction, sending it careening off the winding road's edge. THE CRASH FIC! SO SO GOOD! Hurt Buck and Hurt Eddie, what more could you want? Delicious.

Exhibit B by @cal-daisies-and-briars | T | 10k

Seven years in the future, an adult Christopher has a chance to see his grandparents - and subsequently, his father - in a new light, on a family trip to El Paso. Oh, this fic is so good! A very much needed reflection on Eddie’s relationship with his parents, and done through Christopher’s eyes, this fic really hits you in the solar plexus in the best way possible. 

in pursuit of good health by @bisexualbellamyblake | M | 6.7k

I am a sucker for tactile idiots-to-lovers and so when I find a fic about Buck and Eddie ‘platonically kissing for the health benefits’ you best believe I devoured it!

down every road by @young-waverer | T | 4.5k

Buck realizes he needs to be with Eddie and Chris. Unfortunately for the miles on his truck, Eddie and Chris had the same idea. THIS is what happens when idiots in love who cannot commniucate try to surprise eachother but share the same braincell. 

seeing him in a new light by @tizniz | G | 1.2k

Eddie Diaz is all of us fawning over how Buck is Big and Large and BIG.

featherlight by @coldbam | G | 7k

Eddie takes up a new hobby while in Texas, identifying the birds that visit his new porch and realizes he’s in love with Buck from 800 miles away. AKA The Birding Fic and honestly I’m obsessed this is so beautiful. Also the artwork in this is STUNNING! So special shout out to @betanoiz for that. 

the bigger they are (the harder they fall) by @chronicowboy | T | 6k

This is how 8x18 should have gone. Buck and Eddie get trapped in the rubble together and finally confess a few things to eachother. 

[cantpickyourgenre]

Can I offer up a different view? I actually think Buck and Eddie will NOT be sharing a bed while Buck looks for a place. I think they create a schedule and they buy an air mattress and Maddie is just like, "um why not just share?" like it's easy! Like it's nothing! And Buck stutters and turns pink and changes the subject even though his eye keeps catching on the air mattress and wondering why the idea of sharing a bed with his best friend makes him feel the same nerves he felt when entering confession. Meanwhile Eddie is complaining to Hen about how his shoulder is sore. And Hen is like "maybe you need a new mattress" and Eddie just chuckles and says, "oh, I'm sure it's less about the mattress and more about the air mattress I sleep on every other week." Hen just sort of squints at him and says, "oh I assumed you guys were sharing. Since that's what you did. During Covid. And it was fine then." And Eddie pointedly ignores the implication and moves on. But in his brain it's like...Eddie Brain: You CAN'T share a bed because he'll know. Also Eddie's Brain: Know what? Eddie's Brain: Don't worry about it. Also Eddie's Brain: Okay :) Yay <3 But eventually the team all has a night out and Ravi ends up coming back with them because he wants to finish talking to Eddie about where he should go to get new tires or some shit. And Buck is like sulking, making sure Chris is going to bed and cleaning dishes loudly. By the end of the night they're all a little tipsy, but not drunk and it just makes sense for Ravi to crash there. So he goes to the air mattress that he's been kind enough to NOT mention, but Buck is like "ummm, actually......" because he cannot he can't nope no way share a bed with Eddie. But it's Eddie's week and he doesn't want RAVI to either. But Ravi is like "hell yeah, I'll have a sleepover with Eddie, we can talk more about rock climbing and BASKETBALL" and Eddie is just nodding, happy that bedtime is on the horizon. But Buck is like "NO, you and I WILL share the bed, sorry Eddie air mattress for you" and Eddie says "No I will not, my back NEEDS this week on the bed" and Ravi says "NO I will NOT be sharing a bed or an air mattress or anything with you longlegs." They argue for like half an hour and everyone is getting cranky until Ravi finally decides he will sleep on the air mattress, Eddie will take the bed, and Buck will sleep on the couch. The next morning, Eddie is annoyed by the whole thing even though he too, is terrified of the bed sharing. So after Ravi leaves and Chris is distracted he's like fuck it, we're going to talk about it and he slides a glass of celery juice into Buck's hand and says, "hey, why can't we share a bed like normal friends could?" and well...I think we all know the answer to that.

[johanna-swann]

Also, "Oh okay, so the gender reveal cake was just for Jee-Yun, everyone else already knew" (including Buck I'll assume). But then again even though it was a very low-key event the Wilsons were still invited. Madney planned something special for Jee-Yun to find out the sex of her little sibling and they invited the Wilsons to share that experience with them. Buck was once again missing without explanation.

Feels off. Not extremely so if you see this as an isolated event. There have been other instances this season where it felt like Buck was either not being considered or willfully excluded though. Tbh at this point I have to wonder if this is intentional and leading somewhere or if the writers haven't noticed their own pattern.

I mean:

The other character spent zero thought about the Bucktommy break-up and immediately told Buck to just "move on, get back out there" when Buck was still very clearly not over the end of one of the longest and most serious relationships he has ever had.

When Maddie was kidnapped not even Eddie hugged him, he went straight for Chimney. Like. That is Buck's sister. Did nobody think that Maddie's husband and her brother might need support?

Eddie was planning to move away, said out loud that everything that matters to him is in Texas and when he found out Buck overheard this he didn't apologise or clarify what he meant by that, he doubled down, accused Buck of spying, of trying to make him pick Buck over Chrisopher and of making "everything about himself as usual". Buck didn't behave perfectly here either, but he apologised for his part. Eddie did not and it was an insane expectation in the first place to assume that his best friend wouldn't have complicated feelings about him moving 800+ miles away.

When Buck told Maddie about Abby she didn't take him seriously, she made a homophobic joke about Abby turning men gay (Buck isn't even gay) then Josh took over the conversation. (Criticism for the queerphobia goes to the writers, not Maddie as a character, but even if her joke had been politically correct it seems a little dismissive.)

When Buck entered Hen's house after spending hours doing yard work for her he was told to to return the next morning for more chores (I'm okay with Hen's teasing here, she was entitled after everyone forgot her birthday), but Buck was then also sent home without explanation while four of his closest friends ate dinner together?

Buck and Christopher haven't really mentioned each other the entire season. Season 6 depicted them as incredibly close and in season 7 Buck had two very important conversations with Christopher, once about Chris respecting his girlfriend(s) which turned into a conversation about Shannon and once about the Doppelgänger mess. Buck is arguably the adult Christopher trusts the most outside of Eddie himself. How is this not even mentioned?

When Buck and Tommy hooked up in episode 11 Maddie didn't take that seriously either. She double checked whether Buck had feelings for Eddie or not, but wasn't even considering the possibility that Buck was still thinking about Tommy. She naturally assumed that the "he" Buck said he should call was Eddie.

Maddie also gives Buck this lovely "learn to be alone" advice which could be read as genuinely kind, possibly good advice (like "don't make a bigger mess out of this thing with Tommy than it already is if you aren't sure about your feelings"), but it also seems kind of cruel when it's said in so few words to somebody with major abandonment issues who is already feeling lonely and has recently been left behind by his boyfriend and his best friend.

Now we have the gender reveal event that Buck wasn't a part of.

All of it gives very strong "not everything is about you, Buck" vibes, but in the worst possible way. Instead of an arc that's actually about positive character development it seems like they're distancing Buck from every member of his found family. It doesn't come across as Buck being overly emotional or childish, it comes across as the other characters not caring about Buck. It also doesn't make Buck look just lonely (as in everybody has that one person who's theirs and Buck doesn't) (if it was that I'd say, oh they're finally giving him an endgame love interest), it really looks like he's not taken seriously by his friends.

For a lot of the things I listed there are simple explanations, but those only work if we are given those explanations. Of course it's possible that Buck didn't want to stick around for dinner with Henren and Bathena after getting tired and all sweaty and dirty from said chores, but then say that instead of just sending Buck away with a tupperware. Give Eddie a line about how he was being selfish too or that he didn't want to think about losing Buck and everything he built for himself in LA. Give at least one of Buck's friends a line where they ask Buck about the break-up when after weeks and weeks he's still baking with no end in sight. Let Maddie say "figure out what you want by yourself by concentrating on yourself before you make a rushed decision" instead of "I know you're feeling really lonely, but just deal with it".

Right now we have to work to find a way to interpret these scenes in a way that makes the firefam look like they care about Buck in their everyday lives, the show sure as hell doesn't give us that context. If this isn't intentional then what are those writing decisions?

If it is intentional, especially paired with Buck stepping up as an actual friend/mentor to Ravi this could be the beginning of an arc where he becomes more independent and grows beyond what everybody else sees in him (the talented and kind-hearted, but impulsive and naïve kid).

On top of that Buck hasn't had an actual arc since...? I don't even know. The only thing that has happened to him these past to seasons is he started dating a man and then that relationship gets a little complicated. The other characters had a shit ton of traumatising and bizarre shit happen to them while Buck went on a few dates.

I really don't know what's going on here tbh. But considering that the season only has four more episodes and considering what we know about those episodes.... Where would they even find room for Buck character development?

[robinminustherichard]

Sorry, I can't actually take Hen queen of being given second chances NOT pushing Tommy and Buck back together. Enjoy a little fix it fic.

"Just Want to Let It Be This Easy"

BuckTommy | Gen | Fix it Fic

In the end, it's Hen that gets them back together. Which is kind of a surprise for Buck because Hen was definitely just as adamant that Buck not try to talk to Tommy after they broke up. Despite that though, when Tommy shows up at his door, clear that he's been crying, it's Hen's name that he curses the second he sees Buck. 

“Wait, what?” Buck says, still blinking awake from sleep, honestly not convinced that this isn't a dream, “Tommy? What are you doing here?” 

“Evan, you're here! At Eddie's house! You...aren't kidnapped?” 

“No, that was Maddie.”  

“That was--wait, so someone was kidnapped? Oh my god.” 

“Yeah, and I live here now. It's kind of been an intense week.” 

“A week?!” 

“I know, right?” Buck says, leaning against the door and yawning. Maddie had been released from the hospital a day and a half ago, she and the baby okay, and Buck had gone right into a full shift after that. He was exhausted. 

“But you're--you're okay, Evan? Hen told me that you were kidnapped.” Tommy asks, breathing slowing down and eyes roving over Buck's body, catching on his tight sleep shirt. 

“Yeah, she definitely lied to you,” Buck tells him through another yawn, eyes closing. “I’m like, really tired though. Do you want to come in?” 

Tommy looks unsure, hands wringing in front of his stomach nervously. “Do you want me to come in?” 

“Well,” Buck says, rubbing a hand across his face, “I'm pretty mad at you, but also my life is kind of insane, and you're like...really good at cuddling. So maybe you could come in and cuddle me for s-say seven and a half hours? Then in the morning you can make me avocado toast because you're also really good at that, and then we can fight it out then?” 

Tommy looks a little awestruck, but his body sways forward into the door. 

“Yeah,” Tommy breathes out, “yeah I can do that.” 

Buck hums, grabs Tommy's hand to pull him into the house, and shuts and locks it behind him. 

“Where's Eddie?” Tommy asks as Buck waits for him to kick off his shoes, pulling him again towards the bedroom. 

“Texas.” Buck says, laying back down on the bed. 

“Texas? What's he--” 

“Tomorrow, Tommy.” 

“Right, sorry Evan.” 

“That's okay, I get it...what are you waiting for?” Evan is looking up at Tommy, who's paused on the other side of the bed, staring down at Buck in wonder. 

“I wasn't...I didn't think I'd get this far honestly.” 

“Yeah,” Buck says, “I’m not convinced this isn't a dream.” 

“Not a dream.” 

“Then take your pants off and get in the bed, Tommy.” 

“Yes, sir,” Tommy says, with a tone. 

“Don’t get sassy you're still in trouble!” 

“Sorry, Evan,” Tommy says, finally getting into the bed. Evan rolls over, puts his back to Tommy and throws his hips back just to hear Tommy huff, “right, cuddling then avocado toast.” 

Buck thinks he says something back, but Tommy throws an arm around his waist and wiggles the other underneath Buck's head, and suddenly the weight of the week (all the weeks since their break up) rush up to meet him and he can't stay awake any longer. 

In the morning, he'll be amazed at how it's the smoothest make up he's ever heard of. 

And when they show up to Maddie's baby shower a week later, not having told anyone they were back together, they walk into a smug look from Hen and confusion from everyone else. 

“Don't look smug, Hen; you almost killed a man with a heart attack. And by a man I mean me. I'm forty, how could you do that?!” 

Hen smirks and leans back in her chair. Karen has the decency to look guilty next to her. 

“Wait, what?” Maddie says, “what did I miss?” 

“Maddie, I am so sorry to hear about what happened,” Tommy says, handing her the gift Buck had let him add his name to, “Hen however told me the wrong Buckley got kidnapped, and uh, I panicked.” 

Chim's head whips between Tommy and Hen, eyebrows drawing together as he opens his mouth to shout, “What? Hen! You stole my move!” 

Hen's laugh rings out, and Buck can't help the grin that stretches across his face. 

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Hi, I just found your blog, and I love your Simon's fics! I was wondering if i could please request something where Reader and Simon had broken up bc he thought he put her in danger. After a few months, he comes to her after a mission and they spend the night but he leaves before she wakes up thinking hes doing whats best (and all that angsty jazz 🥲🤭) . A few weeks after she finds out shes pregnant and decides to take on her own, as reader thinks simon wouldnt care. But maybe one of the guys see her heavy preggo and tell simon, and hes fuming and super protective mode is on.

Sorry if it is too specific and for the terrible english. I just have this idea, and i dont think i can picture it right. Anyway, thanks for reading this and for your good work on your fics 💗 hope you have a lovely day

—Digging Gaze

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 5k Drabble Masterlist ࿐ྂ

╰┈➤ ❝ [You indulge in a one-night-stand after you'd both called it quits, only, it leads to more problems. When he sees you again, how will he react to the swelling of your stomach?] ❞

You knew it was the effects of a less-than-gentle breakup, but you should have at least cursed him out before you let him have his way with you on the living room couch. You’d woken up back in bed, alone, and had gotten dropped back to where you had been weeks earlier—stuck in the throws of confusion and hurt. 

Simon had left you, and he never gave you a reason. 

A part of you was heated; pissed off and feeling betrayed by the insult, yet, the rest of you knew that Simon needed to have his reasons—he always did. Even if you didn’t agree with them, and you knew he tended to look at life with a glass-half-empty type of glance. 

So that left you here. 

You were pregnant. 

You’d found out two weeks after you’d slept together for that last time, your cheeks still hot from the memory and your fingers clutching the plastic of a test. 

Pregnant.

It had been a shock, a deep panic. The both of you had been reckless. Stupid. And while you had stared at those two pink lines, you felt a sinking in your gut akin to a drowning ship. Should you tell him? It would be proper, of course. 

But you don’t think you can face him again after you’d awaken to an empty bed—as if your entire relationship had only been about sex and not the deep nights of confessions and soft brushes of skin. You knew Simon Riley better than he probably knew himself.

And you wouldn’t put this on him.

At seven months, you couldn’t walk as much as you could before—and you would huff for breath as you went up the stairs to change the sheets—but who else could do it but you? Shopping also fell to you, and so, you pushed a large cart around and packed the metal basket with cravings and necessities. That was when you fell to a familiar face. 

“Johnny?” You ask, blinking. 

The Scot pauses, turning. His brows furrowed for a moment before a kind smile peeled his lips back.

“Hen!” He comes closer, laughing. “Well, I haven’t seen you in a good minute, then. What have you been up to in all—” 

The man freezes at the sight of your stomach, jaw going slack as you fight an internal war with yourself to say pleasantries and leave. 

“Hell,” Johnny clears his throat. “I guess you’ve been doin’ a great deal.” 

You sigh, shaking your head softly. “Thanks, Johnny.”

“I’m just joking, Little Lady.” The man laughs and waves a hand. “Who’s the lucky man then? I’ll have to meet him one of these days.”

Your face blanks and your lips snap shut in an instant. 

Blue eyes wait for an answer as the silence laps over itself. Slowly but surely, the realization dawns on his face in a tight pull of horror.

“You can’t tell him,” you interrupt his tight gasp. “Not a peep, MacTavish, you hear?”

“What the fuck,” he breathes at you, hand coming up to his mouth as he glances down at your swelling bump. “Holy hell.”

“Johnny,” you snap, his eyes jerk back to you. 

“It’s bloody Ghost’s—”

“You can’t,” you growl, coming closer, “tell him.”

“What do you mean I can’t tell him,” Johnny hisses under his breath, looking at the people passing by and lowering his tone. “You’re pregnant and he doesn’t know!”

“That’s the point,” you ease out, exasperated and feeling drained already. Jesus, you needed to go lay down—your back was killing you. “Johnny,” you breathe, growing softer as you reach out a hand and put it to his arm. He grips it and holds on, looking incredibly concerned. “He doesn’t need to know, okay? That’s a lot of stress on him, and you know what he does for work. Even worrying about me was hard on him, what do you think a child would do?”

“You can’t think like that,” the Scot mutters. “He can help—what, you mean to tell me you plan to do this by yourself?” It isn’t malicious how he says it; Johnny’s worried about you. Incredibly. “Hen, no,” he shakes his head. “No, you can’t.”

“I can, Johnny,” you frown, dread filling your heart. “And I will.”

In the future, you really had to take into account Johnny’s flapping lips when under the spell of alcohol. Maybe you had enough faith in him to watch himself for the last little while of your pregnancy as he had into the latter half of the eighth month.

And then three firm knocks were at your door, and when you opened it, you were face to face with a painted balaclava and frazzled brown eyes.

Those eyes immediately snap down, and not even a word is uttered to your face until then.

The both of you are stone-still. Frozen. Dead to all else. 

You swear it was hours of this—standing in the doorway with Simon’s fingers stiff in his pockets and his chest not even moving in a pulse or flare of his lungs. He doesn’t even blink. 

“How far along?” His voice is monotone. A low drone in the ringing of your ears.

Damn that Scot.

“Eight and a half,” you say quietly. 

Brown eyes shift up to yours. Simon stares, and you see his jaw clench under his balaclava, his shoulders moving. Again a long pause. 

“When’s the next appointment—”

“It’s a girl.” You see his eyelids peel back and halt there, watching you. “In case you care to stick around and see her.”

Cruel perhaps, but it was nothing short of how he acted while leaving you. 

Simon’s hidden face is slack, stuttering silently for a moment as the light fades outside.

“Didn’t…didn’t know,” he grunts out, blinking quickly.

“I know you didn’t,” you utter. “That was the point, Simon.”

“Johnny told me ‘bout it, didn’t believe him.” His brown eyes swirl, breaking. “Thought you’d mention it if you were.” 

“You left,” you breathe. “Why would I reach out to someone that did that to me.”

“M’sorry, I-I don’t…” Simon clears his throat, looking away. His eyes are glossy, fingers moving out of his pockets so his twitching hands can splay out. “Could have explained, but I didn’t know how, Love. I’m not…this isn’t…”

Words fail him just like his ability to explain his emotions. Part of him was angry—angry that you’d gone all this time without reaching out when he could have helped.

A daughter. 

But he was afraid, as well. Terrified. You were in the right and he knew it. Simon didn’t know the first thing about being a father…but then again, you didn’t know how to be a mother, either. 

This was new territory.

“Marry me,” Simon pushes out with a quick force of breath. 

“Wh—,” you choke on air. “What?”

“Let me make it up to you, yeah?” Gloved hands move at his sides, eyes honest but still shiny. “Wasn’t thinking—my fault and I can’t go on if I don’t know you’re safe.” He licks at the corner of his mouth. “...Both of you. Thought leaving would make the best sense, but I was…fucking hell. M’sorry.”

“Simon, there are many more ways other than marriage.” Your anger wasn’t something that could be washed away that easily, even if your heart fluttered at the idea and his apology.

You had more self-respect than that.

“Let me fix this,” he whispers, leaning closer. 

Your hand rests over your stomach, staying there as the minutes draw. Simon waits, nervous and his fingers tap on his thigh. You know he’s afraid. You know he’s nervous about what he could bring home from work, even if those are only his paranoia talking in his ear like a demon. 

You frown. 

You huff.

And you open the door wider.

“The sheets need changing in my room. Get on it.”

The man says nothing before he enters the house and slips off his boots; disappearing into the linen closet.

[majinbangus]

What happens when soap's on again and off again gf finds out he got someone else pregnant? And do you think she would try to keep him from his children and reader?

Also I hope Soap tells his mom and she chews him out for not being better to reader 😭 (I also want Soap's mom know already that she's going to be a grandma to twins and just kept it from Johnny for reader's health too.)

i struggled with this one, but it turned out hopeful in the end i hope its good

"What're you doing here?"

You don't know what hurts more: the way he said that as if he doesn't want you there (which he probably doesn't; you don't want to be there, either, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less), or the apprehensive look he doesn't bother masking. He's never really been one to hide his emotions, but would it have killed him to pretend to be on amicable terms with you for at least a couple of hours? Dumbass.

"I'm doing great, MacTavish, thanks for asking." You go for an overly friendly inflection, but anyone listening in would be able to hear the biting undertone in your sarcasm. "How have you been? Wonderful, you say? That's absolutely grand. Glad to hear it. Truly, thank you for taking the time to welcome me into your home."

You attempt a smile, but from the way Soap's expression pinches at it, it more than likely comes off as a poorly veiled scowl. You can't bring yourself to care. You're more focused on keeping yourself from breaking down, rubbing your hand almost obsessively over your belly, trying to calm yourself with the soothing motion. Soap looks down at it, face flashing with something. You're tempted to call it regret. Whether that's for knocking you up or for hurting you just now or something else entirely, you have no clue. He clenches his fists.

"... Does my family know that you're... that I'm..?"

That's what he's concerned about? Fucking prick. You're half-tempted to announce it to his whole family now. You didn't even want to be at his family gathering in the first place, but Mrs. MacTavish insisted, and you adore his mother (so much so that you’re afraid of her, too). It's been months since you last saw all the MacTavishes in person (for obvious reasons), and you know if you refused another invitation, the woman, though getting up there in age, would've dragged you to the party herself.

You rub your belly a tad faster, and his eyes dart down to the anxious movement again. "No, MacTavish, your family does not know you got me pregnant, so you can stop worrying. I... wasn't planning on telling them. Not now, at least. Or ever. I don’t know. I’m still thinking about stuff."

Perhaps it's the right call, perhaps not (it most likely isn’t), but the tension that visibly leaks out of his body offends you. 

"That's... probably for the best,” He exhales slowly.

“For you or for me?” You snark and he at least has the decency to wince.

“Hen… Princess–”

“Don’t call me that.” You curl your lips at him, teeth bared. A bitter kind of hurt grinds within your chest. He only called you that once before. For one night. It meant nothing to him, but everything to you. “Don’t pretend to care; you never called back to talk like we agreed. You’re such a prick, MacTavish.” 

“You never reached out, either,” He shoots back with a defensive frown that doesn’t feel justified. “And I have a reason for not calling back earlier…”

“Was that reason your girlfriend?”

His silence is telling.

You scoff with a derisive laugh. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Hey, it’s not like that,” He tries to protest, but you remain staunch in your acrimony. 

“Sure, it’s not.” You roll your eyes. “If it isn’t anything else, then what is it?”

“We,” Soap hesitates, breaking eye contact to focus on where your hand is on your stomach. He swallows, rephrasing himself. “After our phone call, I brought up what happened between us… Tried to explain what happened… Communicate with her since that was always a problem we had.”

“And?” You prompt after he falls silent for a few seconds, though you think you can predict where this story is going.

“She didn’t take it well.” He continues, “We’ve been fighting about it. Trying to come to a compromise, but she’d rather I cut contact with you.”

“You… don’t want that?” You smother any bit of hope you feel. You have to.

He doesn’t answer the question verbally, merely shaking his head. It doesn’t feel like a good enough response, but you can’t push him on it because then he’s talking again. “We’re not wanting the same things. Every conversation about it–” about you “–turns into an argument, and we’ve decided to…”

“Go on a break?” You fill in, but he shakes his head again, avoiding your gaze.

“I think it’s permanent this time.”

Oh. That’s… skeptical. After years of watching them go back and forth, it’s hard to believe the permanence of their breakup. You wouldn’t be surprised if that changed as soon as next week, or even tomorrow. But maybe it’s true this time. Maybe they won’t reconcile. If that’s the case, you are glad he’ll be out of such an exhausting relationship, but you won’t let yourself believe he’ll develop feelings for you. 

“I’m sorry,” You offer instead and Soap chuckles humorlessly.

“Do you mean that?”

“I don’t, but I know she was important to you.” Probably still is, but you won’t dwell on that. “I’m still upset with you, though.”

He chuckles again, a little more genuinely this time. It’s almost enough to make you smile. Almost. “Aye, I know. I deserve it.”

“You do.” And maybe a slap. A cathartic slap. Perhaps not for him, but it might do you good. “And you’re still a prick, but now that you’re not… occupied… Can we figure everything out?”

It’s small, but you can’t help that spark of hope that blooms in your chest at the soft smile he gives you.

“I’d like nothing more, Princess.”

(His mother heard the whole thing. She’ll discuss it later with the both of you. But for now, she’ll stay out of it and let you two work it out before getting involved. She just hopes her idiot son doesn’t mess things up with you. 

She much rather prefers you over his ex, after all.)

[kedreeva]

I am curious... peafowl breeds seem to focus entirely on the colouration, which is understandable given what the bird is known for. But I was wondering, could other traits have been bred for? Cats and dogs, for example, have been bred for tameness and good attitude with humans, while chickens have been bred for very large and small sizes. Could a few generations of dedicated breeders make bantam or jumbo peafowl, or peafowl that take well to being pets? Is 'it's just not a priority trait for an ornamental animal' the only reason such things haven't been tried?

Peafowl don't have breeds; they have color and pattern mutations, but those are not breeds. If one color is bred to another, it doesn't produce an in between, it produces a wild type bird carrying the mutations.

Breeding cats and dogs for temperament ("tameness" is not something that can bred; taming is a type of behavioral training) is also not a breed trait. It's a part of domestication. Temperament breeding is something all people breeding domestic animals SHOULD be doing (even if that temperament isn't "sweet," breeders should be in control of the temperament of their animals), but it's often a trait that breeders, particularly novice breeders, do not have a handle on HOW to choose for it or what they're even looking at. With mice, I've seen even experienced breeders be unable to articulate how they pick temperaments. With peafowl, there are huge gaps in understanding behavior at all, much less what makes for a good temperament, partially because imprinting factors into so much of bird breeding, and it can hugely affect a bird's behavior, and mask the true, genetic temperament of the animal.

The only "breed" trait you've mentioned here is size- and that COULD be picked for, but most people again wouldn't really know where to begin, and don't have the patience to wait 3-6 years with large groups of peafowl to weigh and see who is the largest. And you WOULD need to wait likely at least 4 years.

You'd also want the ability to grow out groups of 30-50 birds that hatch at the same time to choose from to actually have a chance at selecting birds with an appreciable difference to breed with. With chickens, you can hatch 150+ individuals from a single hen in a year, and they'll be mature and ready to produce the next generation in under a year, meaning you can usually get 2 generations a year instead of 1 generation every 4 years. With peafowl, if you treat them poorly by forcing them to lay the whole season, you will get around 30 eggs at all from a single hen (and if you aren't forcing them to lay the whole season, you'll get at most 6-8 babies and more realistically 2-6), so you'd need way way more peafowl hens than you'd need chickens, to get the same group to choose from.

There's also housing to consider. You can keep 10 hens and a rooster in around 150 square feet (run and coop included), meaning it's easy to hatch 30-50 babies per week from that kind of group (or more likely for fertility and control, 2 groups of 1 rooster and 5-6 hens). For peafowl, you need 500 square feet + 100sq/ft coop to keep a trio (1 male, 2 hens) at the minimum ethical housing size. That's a HUGE amount of space, if you're trying to grow out groups, and a lot of care- to the point that breeding peafowl on that scale results in poor quality of life for the birds, in almost every situation. EVERY large scale breeder of peafowl - yes, even the ones I generally like - have this issue with their young birds, because they simply do not have the space/money to grow out large groups, and instead of not doing it, they do it anyway and the birds just start with less.

Which is all to say that most people just don't have the means or time/patience to make a "breed" of peafowl, or the knowledge of what to do to make it happen, and even if they had both, ensuring quality of life for the birds gets dicey the larger the operation is. There's also just not been a demand for anything like that; maybe people joke about wanting bantam peafowl, or jumbo peafowl, but no one has put their money where their mouth is. Even if they did, you are looking at a minimum 6-10 generations to see the sort of appreciable change that would go into making a new breed (and longer for test breeding and health testing etc), and unlike in chickens where that might only take 3-5 years, it would take 20+ years for peafowl people to even get to the low end.

So there's a LOT of reasons that hasn't been attempted by anyone, and is unlikely to be attempted by anyone that hasn't won the lottery.

[lemotmo]

Thoughts on 911 8x17...

Disclaimer: I am operating on 2 hours of sleep, because I watched 911 live and it airs at 2 am where I am. So please, do forgive any incoherency or inconsistency.

Okay, where to begin?

First things first: This truly felt like an episode of the 911 TV show I fell in love with all those years ago. It was THAT good. It NEEDED to be THAT good as well. The last two episodes were bad and we needed a winner. We got it. YAY!

There are so many things to talk about here.

One of the first things I noticed was that this episode was made up of family and found family.

We had 4 clear distinctive family groups:

1. Athena and the kids, with some Karen & Athena and Hen & Athena thrown into the mix.

2. Hen, Karen and the kids with (again) some Karen & Athena and Hen & Athena thrown into the mix.

3. Maddie, Chimney and the kids (no Jee, but their unborn child was there) with some Hen & Chimney thrown into the mix.

4. Buck, Eddie, Christopher and aunt Pepa with some Hen & Eddie and Karen & Eddie thrown into the mix.

(The rest of the post is under a cut, so I don't clog anyone's dash)

All of them were struggling with Bobby’s death in their own way. I’ll talk about all of them briefly, but I’ll dive deeper into the last one, since it’s about the Buckley-Diaz family and I love them:

1. Athena was trying to stay strong and she mostly succeeded, but she couldn’t hide her irrational anger at Chimney.

To be fair, I completely understand where she is coming from. It has to hurt to see Chimney running around, doing perfectly fine, when she lost her husband because he wanted to save his friend.

It isn’t fair to Chimney, but it’s understandable why she reacts that way.

I love how we saw her with Hen and Karen and how great their friendship is.

I love Athena when she has to respond to silly calls like the laundry call. Angela shines in scenes like that.

2. Hen is struggling with the whole captaincy thing. Part of her wants it, but another part doesn’t. I know she called the Chief that she doesn’t want the job, but I wonder if she won’t call him back to tell him she has changed her mind in 8x18?

Because if it isn’t Hen, then who?

Unless they find someone from outside of the 118 or Bobby comes back somehow? (Which I still believe is a big possibility.)

I don’t know…

I still think it might be Hen in the end. Even if Bobby does come back. He won’t want to be Captain anymore.

3. Poor Chimney. He didn’t ask Bobby to save him, but he feels guilty anyway. That has to hurt.

To be honest though, I think Bobby would have saved him even if he had been single with no kids. Bobby is just THAT kind of guy.

I love how we got to see Maddie supporting Chimney in this episode. This was something 8x16 lacked completely.

4. Ah. Wow. This episode really brought home once again just how magical and real the chemistry is between Buck and Eddie. Nothing feels forced which it did with other pairings this show has thrust upon us in the past.

Let’s break down the Buckley-Diaz family scenes chronologically:

A. The episode opening with Buck’s flashback. The way the lighting changed as soon as we flashed to the now. It went from warm and cozy to cold and sterile.

It’s interesting how this flashback was mainly focused on three people: Buck, Bobby and Eddie. Buck of course because he was the one daydreaming. Bobby for obvious reasons and Eddie because he hadn’t been in the fire station for a while, even when Bobby was still alive. They got most focus, which means that Buck isn’t just struggling with Bobby’s death, but also with Eddie’s imminent departure back to El Paso.

It also seems that a lot of the scenes in the fire station were cut. There was no talk with Gerrard… thank god. There was no grocery shopping and lots of take out in the fridge scene. It was definitely the right choice to cut those scenes.

B. Next up was the Hen, Karen and Eddie scene. This was very interesting. We opened on them talking about Buck. The way Eddie talks about Buck and how worried he is, has Karen asking the right questions here. He briefly touches on how he hadn’t spoken to Bobby in two weeks and there’s a bit of that Eddie guilt peeking through. It’ll explode in that later scene with Buck.

I also liked how Hen tried to reassure him that he was building a whole new life in El Paso and that was okay. It was obvious that Eddie didn’t want that at all. Being back in LA, being back ‘home’ as Karen repeated. (Which… I love Karen so much. She is soooo perceptive.)

LA is Eddie’s home, yes. But the way he talks about Buck all the time? This scene definitely implied that Eddie’s home isn’t just the city, the people and the 118. It’s specifically Buck.

C. The Buck confession scene was something all right. I was so surprised that it was Buck in that confessional though and not Eddie. But I guess it does make sense since Buck is trying to find Bobby in everything he does.

I love how he had his phone at the ready, because he had no idea what to say. Typically Buck! The way he felt so much like the Buck we know from previous seasons was so refreshing. He is struggling, but he is still very much the Buck we all fell in love with.

His ‘talk’ with Bobby was so beautiful. It felt so honest and raw. Oliver’s acting was on point here.

The way he is trying to honour Bobby’s last wish, trying to take care of everyone. And then Bobby’s sign! It’s such a Buck thing to believe that Bobby sent him the earthquake sign.

D. I love how Buck recognised the ‘dentist’ lady from that previous episode where she was blue. He has such a good memory.

E. Then we get to THAT Buddie scene. First of all, they are living the domestic dream together. Making arrangements on who is doing what, like going out for groceries. Love that!

The way Buck is obviously upset over Eddie going back to El Paso and the job offer. He is trying hard to be supportive, but by the tone of his voice we all know (Eddie included) that Buck isn’t all that happy about it.

The way they got into this argument, because Eddie didn’t tell Buck about the job offer and Buck found out through Ravi. It’s poetic. Eddie’s guilty little face and his ‘I was going to tell you.’ was sooooo husbands coded.

I love Eddie lashing out at Buck and using the same words from their previous fights: “You make it all about you.” It’s some kind of a defence mechanism, so he doesn’t have to deal with his own emotions. So he focuses on others and tries to hurt them, so he can forget about his own hurt for a while. It’s a classic avoidance technic. We’ve all been there.

It’s something that Eddie has done before with Buck, so no matter what happens on 911, we can always count on Buddie continuity.

Eddie knows that Buck has been spiralling, but he didn’t know how to break through. He’s upset, so he lashes out. It’s a human thing to do. So I better not see any people talking trash about Eddie and how he is evil and abusive for hurting Buck.

I already saw a few of those bad takes on Twitter. Mainly from the BT people though. Most of them want Eddie to stay as far away from Buck as possible, for obvious reasons. With Eddie there, T doesn’t stand a chance. So it’s mainly about that. But still… such a terrible take.

Have any of you ever been in a fight with someone you love before? This is the way it goes! You lash out to hurt the other person, because you are hurting as well. Eddie has no malicious intent here. He is just frustrated with himself. He doesn’t want to go back to El Paso, he wants to be in LA. He doesn’t really want the El Paso job either. He worries that Buck will spiral out of control when he’s gone. So what does he do? In true Eddie style, he lashes out.

What follows then is an absolute masterclass of acting by Ryan Guzman. Oh my fucking god! That man can ACT! He is so good! I’ve always known he was good, because we have seen flashes of brilliance like this before, but this one took the cake. He is waaaaay up there as one of the best actors on 911. Not even kidding about this. He is sooooo good. 😌😌😌

That hidden anger and guilt and the way he grabbed Buck, his face filled with despair and rage and… so many emotions all at the same time? The tears, the bending over the table, the hand gestures and him unable to look at Buck for too long… it was brilliant.

It was helped along with the wonderful writing, direction and cinematography of the scene. Oliver and Ryan both went with it and their natural chemistry shone. It was such a great parallel to the BT scene in 8x11, in the same kitchen. The way Tommy seems to avoid the confrontation by running away every single time things get real and how Eddie stands his ground, unwilling to leave and giving back to Buck as good as he can. It was poetic cinema. And in the same exact spot in the kitchen as well.

The flashback to Eddie getting that phone call broke me in a thousand tiny pieces. The way he broke down crying and how he explained the terror of having to tell your child another loved one died. Trust me… I’ve been there. Telling your kid that someone they loved died? It is even worse than having to deal with the grief yourself. You worry and fester on how you’ll tell them and how they’ll take the news. You just want to protect them from harm and you realise you can’t. It’s a terrible feeling. I felt for Eddie in that scene.

The way Ryan just broke down in tears and his ‘He saved my life’… man, so good.

And Buck just standing there, realising that Eddie was hurting as well, but he hadn’t shown it because that is what Eddie does. Oliver’s acting here was also on point. His facial expressions when Eddie broke down were so good.

And of course his ‘If I was there, could I have made a difference?’ triggered Buck’s guilt again.

Oh these beautiful idiots. They are made for each other.

But what a great scene. I understand why Kat (journalist) said that this was her all time favourite scene in the entire series of 911. It is mine now too. Ryan Guzman, the actor that you are…

F. The morning after, when Buck walked into the living room, only to find the room empty, blankets folded with a little note on top? That was so Eddie and Shannon coded. The difference is that Eddie came back. He had always intended to come back to Buck while Shannon didn’t come back to Eddie and Chris.

Buck’s ‘jerk’! EEEE! It was sooooo good! I love how they decided to add that scene. It was perfect! It fit so well in their narrative.

Side note: how did Eddie even fit on that couch to sleep on it? It looks so much smaller than the previous couch and he is a big guy.

G. The way Buck saved that woman from her bathroom? The way he seems most at ease and happy in those kinds of situations? This makes me feel pretty sure they won’t go for Captain Buck anytime soon. The man loves those dangerous calls waaaay too much. As a Captain he wouldn’t be able to do that anymore.

H. Buck arriving home and Eddie just standing there WAITING for him!!! AAAAH! That was such a great scene. A clear call back to the ‘detour on sunset’ scene.

Again… this scene is so husbands coded. The way Eddie clearly realised that he had been an asshole to Buck the day before and when he woke up that morning he knew he had to make it up to him. So what did he do? He made sure that Buck’s favourite kid ever came back to LA!

Once again the parallel to Tommy walking out and never coming back, while Eddie -even if he does walk out- always comes back to Buck. Just… perfection.

That Buck & Chris reunion made me cry so hard! And Eddie looking on so fondly! I mean… that is a man in love you guys. I think that, on some level, he already knows it. It’s all there on his face.

Chris and Buck man! Pfffff… they look so alike when they are next to each other. It’s uncanny! The show knows this and they are using this to show us just how much this family belongs together.

Aunt Pepa!!! Complimenting Buck for his cooking in THAT kitchen, heavily implying it’s still the DIAZ KITCHEN and Buck has a spot there! Evancito!!!! Carinõ!!!! WHAT IN THE FANFIC HELL IS GOING ON IN THAT SCENE???!!!!!

And Chris looking at Eddie in the end, him looking back with that smile? This just screams domesticity and love. Eddie and Chris love Buck so much.

The way we see Buck smiling and obviously feeling so much better. Eddie knows that Buck needed to get outside of his own headspace and gain some perspective, away from his Bobby spiralling. It worked so well.

Especially that aunt Pepa talk did wonders for him. The way Buck was staring at Eddie and Chris and Pepa automatically using ‘our Eddie’ in their conversation, including Buck into their family? Perfect!

Aunt Pepa talked to Buck the way his mom should have talked to him. Telling him he should face his grief head on and own it. They are a family your honour!

Some miscellaneous stuff:

I still don’t really like the way this show redeemed Gerrard, but I do like him in this episode. He has finally understood that it’s important to respect the firefighters under his command. Bobby’s influence in action, no doubt about it. His proud look when the 118 figured out a way to bring the water to that burning building was interesting.

Spiritually? Bobby was everywhere in this episode.

That last scene with the building exploding and that piece of rock falling onto Athena’s police cruiser. That was so well done!

In conclusion:

This was such a good episode that harkened back to the 911 we all fell in love with. Even the calls and emergencies just felt right. The dentist call, the laundry call from Athena? They were all so good and wholesome! Call backs to previous people they saved as well!

It was just a really good episode. And I know that IMDB ratings don’t really mean anything, but I still love how we went from the 3.2 for the last episode to the 8.9 for this episode. Good times!

As for that trailer for 8x18?

Chimney and Athena stuck together? That will be soooo interesting to watch unfold. Sparks will fly! They can’t avoid each other now. They’ll have to work together to get out of there.

As for Buck and Ravi stuck as well? With the bts of Eddie in his white henley? Yeah, Eddie will get that phone call, realise that he is not losing anymore family (especially not his partner) and he will walk right into the fire station, ready to assist.

I’m expecting something big Buddie-related. Maybe Eddie’s realisation that his home is LA and especially Buck. Or maybe Buck realising that Tommy was right about him being in love with Eddie.

Or hell, maybe both at the same time!? What do I know!?! 🤷‍♀️

And Hen will be there coordinating and finding a way to get them all out safely. I really think she might just realise that she’ll want the job of Captain anyway.

Who knows? All I know is that we’ll have lots to talk about during hiatus!

I’ll be sat though. I’m so excited!!!

[inawickedlittletown]

Through The Darkness To The Dawn (BuckTommy) - 8x17 coda - 2/2

Notes: I started writing this right after watching the episode. I wanted to get into Buck's head and also sort of deal with the Eddie of it all because I really do think he has quickly become my least favorite character in 9-1-1. I don't think I'm alone in that.

The title comes from Nobody Knows by The Lumineers

Summary: Buck is grieving and Eddie is just kind of the worst. 8x17 coda.

Words: 3.5k

Read on Ao3

Part One

-

Part Two: Love Is Deep As The Road Is Long

Tommy: Hey. How are you?

Evan: Okay all things considered. 

Tommy: I’m sorry. 

Tommy: How are you? 

Tommy: If you need anything, let me know. 

Tommy: I heard you guys are going back to work tomorrow. Good luck. Be safe. 

Tommy: Hope you’re doing alright. I figure you’ve at least read my messages so that’s something, but if you want me to stop texting, let me know. I don’t want to bother you, but I do want to know that you’re okay. 

Tommy: Hey, they asked me to be a pallbearer at the funeral. Figured I’d let you know so it’s not a surprise. 

Evan:  👍🏻

Tommy: Wish we’d gotten a chance to talk, but I know how hard today was. It was for me too, but you told me once he was like a father to you. If you want to talk about it or anything at all, I’m here, Evan. 

Tommy: Hey, wanted to see how you’re doing. Crazy, all this stuff with the water. Be safe out there. 

Tommy: Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. It’s been a few weeks, but I know what he meant to you. I’m here, Evan. 

Buck: Are you home? 

Tommy: I am. Do you want to come over? 

Tommy opened his front door when he heard Evan’s truck pull into the driveway. He stepped outside and waited. For being so close to Summer, there was a bite in the air, but Tommy ignored the urge to go back inside to grab another layer. 

Since the funeral, he hadn’t heard from Evan or really anyone from the 118. Tommy understood. He also knew that he didn’t belong with them, no matter how much he wanted to. They were a family and they didn’t need him, the interloper who didn’t even have the excuse of dating Evan to be included. It was, in a way, helpful for him to know that they all had each other and could deal with it together. He figured that they would all most likely just close in with Evan right in the middle. 

It had been a bit of a shock, if he were being honest, that he’d been asked to be a part of the funeral, that he got to walk with the 118. After the funeral, he’d had a moment with Ravi and Hen, got to hear how they were both doing, but he’d seen Eddie and Evan leave together. He couldn’t leave well enough alone, so every few days he texted Evan. Just knowing that he did read the messages was enough. If he ever turned off read receipts, Tommy would be devastated. 

Did Tommy hope that eventually Evan would answer? Maybe. But he just wanted Evan to know that Tommy was a text or call away and that he would always answer. It was the very least he could offer because what Tommy wouldn’t do is try to be where he wasn’t wanted. At the first sight of Evan, Tommy wondered if that had been the right choice. 

“Hi,” Evan said, voice a little raspy. 

He looked defeated. Grief struck and sad. It wasn’t that Tommy hadn’t expected Evan to still be grieving, it was that he had never seen him this…well, diminished. In that moment, it felt like something or someone had taken grasp of Tommy’s heart and squeezed for how much it hurt to see Evan like that. 

Tommy had yet to shake, even after so many weeks, the image of Evan collapsing in that hallway. He didn’t know if anyone else knew about that moment, because when Evan came out after going through decontamination, his eyes had been rimmed red and swollen but he’d been far more put together than Tommy had expected. A little out of it, maybe, but holding it together. Tommy didn’t think that Evan had even noticed that it was Tommy that made sure he made it home. 

As he stepped towards him, Tommy opened his arms. “Hey, Evan.” 

Evan collapsed into him. He was cold and shaking. He sniffled. Tommy wrapped his arms around him and heard Evan sigh. 

“You’re freezing,” Tommy said. “Let’s get out of the cold.” 

Evan kept close, but he let Tommy steer him inside. He also let Tommy settle him into the couch and wrap the throw he kept over the back of it around him. 

“Tea,” Tommy said. “You need something warm.” 

“Okay,” Evan said. 

Something was wrong. More than Bobby’s death. Evan looked like the weight of the world was sitting on his shoulders and he had no one asking him if they could help him carry it. 

Evan followed him to the kitchen, leaned against a counter as Tommy got the electric kettle on. He moved to his mug cabinet and then chose two tea bags. Chamomile Lavender felt apt considering the time. He kept looking back at Evan. 

“Can I ask what happened?” Tommy asked. 

Evan moved towards him and Tommy lifted an arm so Evan could press himself into him. He was shaking a little and Tommy didn’t think it was all the cold. Evan didn’t say anything and Tommy figured that maybe that was what he needed. So he held him until their water was ready and even then Evan kept close as Tommy poured the water into their mugs. 

“Couch?” 

“Couch,” Evan responded. 

They situated themselves, Evan wrapping the throw over his shoulders and curling into himself, legs tucked in under him, his hands cradling the mug. Tommy sat next to him, let his knee rest against Evan’s knee. 

“I went to the beach,” Evan said. “I think I was out there too long.” 

“Why the beach?” 

Evan shrugged. “The stars. Good place to talk to Bobby. I keep trying to…I don’t know, find him? It’s stupid, I know, but…”

Tommy blew over his cup of tea. He saw Evan do the same.

“It’s not stupid,” Tommy said.  

“I spoke to him right before,” Evan said. “That night, I mean.”

Tommy had known that. He’d seen it. The door had closed with Bobby on one side and Evan on the other and then Bobby took off the protective gear, 

“He told me I’d be okay but I think he was wrong. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.”

“Oh, Evan,” Tommy said. “I don’t think he meant you’d be okay right away. No one expects that.”

Evan scoffed. His face twisted into anger and Tommy knew almost right away that there was more to whatever was going on with Evan. 

“Is someone expecting you to already be over it?” 

“More like that I’m making it all about me.” 

Tommy put his cup down on the coffee table, leaned towards Evan and placed his hands on his knees. Evan’s eyes were watery and Tommy was filled with a combination of adoration for this man and also a wave of sadness and protectiveness. 

“Losing someone you care about is about you, Evan,” Tommy said. “It’s about everyone that lost him. Who? Tell me who said that to you.” 

Evan took a sip of his tea. He winced a little. “It doesn’t matter.”

People did strange things when they were grieving, but he knew Hen and Chim would never make Evan’s feelings less important. Neither would Maddie. That left Ravi and Eddie which really did just leave Eddie. Unless it was someone else…Evan’s parents? Another friend that Tommy didn’t know? Someone else from the 118? Gerrard? 

“Well they’re wrong,” Tommy said. “Your feelings and your loss and your grief are about you. They’re about you and Bobby and maybe they overlap with how everyone else is feeling, but that doesn’t make you or what you’re going through less important. Sweetheart, you are one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met and I know you haven’t been putting your grief and your feelings above anyone else’s. I know you.”

Evan let out a sob and he shook enough that Tommy reached to steady the tea mug before Evan spilled it, grabbing it and setting it aside. He took Evan’s hands in his own. He rubbed the back of Evan’s hands with his thumbs.

“You’re not selfish, Evan,” Tommy reiterated. “In fact, you could do with being a little more selfish.” 

Evan leaned forward and kissed him. Tommy hadn’t expected it, and it was over before he could properly kiss back. 

“Sorry,” Evan said. “I just…I shouldn’t have but I—”

“Don’t ever be sorry for that.”

Evan’s lips turned up a little. “So it was okay?” 

“Better than,” Tommy said. He reached over to touch Evan’s cheek, wiped a tear away. 

Evan leaned into his touch, closed his eyes for a split second and then opened them again. 

“You don’t see me like everyone else. Not…not in a bad way. You know, Eddie said I didn’t do enough…that he doesn’t know what he could have done to save Bobby.” 

Eddie Diaz. Of course. 

Tommy supposed that if he really thought about it, no one else could probably break Evan down this much. Well, Bobby probably could have, but he never would have. Tommy hadn’t thought that Eddie was capable of it either, wasn’t he supposed to be Evan’s best friend? 

“He said I never considered what it was like for him to wake up in the middle of the night to hear about Bobby, how he had to tell Chris—”

“Who else would have told Chris?” Tommy asked and then shook his head. “Not important. Sweetheart, he wasn’t here because he moved to another state and even if he was here, it wouldn’t have made a difference. You know that. I know you know that. We did everything. Do you think I don’t question it, wonder if there had been anything at all to change? There was only one dose. The only person we can blame for all of this is Moira.” 

Evan closed his eyes. He gulped. “He’s just feeling guilty he wasn’t here.” 

“Which is not your fault and that’s him making his choices your fault, the one thing that isn’t about you. Just answer this, what difference could Eddie have made? Really?” 

Evan opened his eyes again and he nodded. “I think I know that Eddie being here wouldn’t change anything. We, uh, we got into a fight.” 

“Clearly,” Tommy said. Maybe a little too deadpan. 

Evan’s lips twitched, but then settled back into a frown. 

“I was so mad,” Evan admitted. “Figured we’d clear the air the next morning but…Anyway, I thought he left, but it turns out he just went to get Chris from Texas. Tonight I came home expecting no one to be there and instead he was there with Chris and his Aunt Pepa. So after she left, I left too and I went to the beach. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle being there with him in that house. I still can’t go back knowing he’s still there.” 

Fuck Eddie Diaz. Had he even apologized to Evan? Had he bothered to notice that what he’d done had shaken Evan down to his core, made him question things about himself and how he was dealing after losing someone as important as Bobby was to him? Somehow, Tommy didn’t think so. 

Thinking back, Tommy didn’t know why he’d admired their friendship? Maybe because he saw how much Evan put into it? But, it didn’t seem like he got any of that back. You couldn’t give and give and give without getting anything back. Tommy had some experience with that, in fact, and he hated that he hadn’t seen that it was the dynamic between Eddie and Evan. 

“Stay here,” Tommy said. “If you don’t want to go back there, you’re always welcome here.”

Evan gave a short but thankful nod. 

Tommy squeezed his hands and then let go. 

“Tea’s going to go cold,” he muttered. 

Evan took back his mug, brought it to his lips and sighed. Drank some more. 

“It’s his house, you know? I really thought that I was finally settling into it but he’s still here and I just…it doesn’t feel like home anymore. I don’t know that it ever did.” 

Tommy didn’t know what to say. Had it been a little strange for Evan to be living in Eddie’s house? Maybe. Had Tommy maybe taken it as a sign of something that he was hoping even more than ever that he was wrong about? Probably. 

“When’s Eddie going back to Texas?” 

Evan shrugged his shoulders. “No clue. He doesn’t tell me anything. I think we was supposed to leave a couple of days after the funeral, but then he just stayed. Soon, I guess. He, uh, he got the job with the station in El Paso but I had to find out from Ravi about it because Ravi thought I already knew and because Hen was planning a surprise barbeque she didn’t bother to tell me about. That’s sort of what started the fight when I asked about it.”

Tommy probably didn’t do a good job hiding his reaction to that. 

“It’s not…it’s not just Eddie,” Evan said. “It’s all of them. I’ve tried so hard to be there for them…but they don’t like it or appreciate it or even really need me. They have each other and I’m just on the outside of that. I guess Bobby was wrong about that too. He said they would need me. They don’t.” 

“Evan,” Tommy said, “I’m sure that isn’t true.” 

Tommy couldn’t imagine the 118 splitting in any way, but then he supposed with Bobby gone that might be the thing that did create some cracks. Grief did crazy things to people. Tommy brought his own cup to his lips. It was still warm and he’d always loved the smell and taste of chamomile tea which was probably leftover from his mom loving it so much. There was comfort in it and he hoped that Evan felt that. 

“It is,” Evan said. “None of them want to talk about him or about how they’re feeling or…or anything. Hen and Chim keep just going off together while at work. I heard Chim say he doesn’t know how to build the crib for the baby and I’m right here. I know how. I did it the last time for Jee. Guess he forgot all about that. Ravi at least is trying to make things normal. I just feel like I’m floundering and none of them…none of them care.” 

“They do,” Tommy said. “You know they do. They’re your family and they’re grieving too and maybe they don’t know how to approach you because they know that you lost more than just your Captain.” 

Evan took a huge gulp of his tea, his eyes darted away, looking over the room as if Tommy had changed anything since the last time Evan had been there. He blinked away more tears. 

“How, uh, how have you been, Tommy? I’m sorry I never…I wanted to answer your messages but it just, I couldn’t.” 

Tommy allowed himself a smile. 

“I know, I figured. I’ve been alright. Sad when I think about him and about that day. God, I really wish things had gone differently. I liked Bobby a lot. Respected him even more. He was a good man, a good Captain. He made his impact felt in the 118 for anyone that worked under him, me included.” 

When they finished their tea, Tommy took both mugs back to the kitchen. Evan followed after a beat, the throw no longer around his shoulders. Tommy left the mugs in the sink, made sure the backdoor was locked and turned off the lights. 

“Are you sure I can stay here tonight?” 

“Yes. Tonight. Tomorrow. Any night, Evan. I’ll set the guest room up for you.” 

Evan shook his head. “No, you don’t have to.” 

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” Tommy said with a chuckle. “It’s not a—”

“No,” Evan said, stepping closer towards him. “I was thinking maybe I could sleep with you?”

“Oh?” 

Pink colored Evan’s cheeks and there was a glint in his eyes that was very familiar to Tommy. 

“Just to…just to sleep,” Evan said. “I want…can you just hold me? I mean if you…that is if you’re okay with that because I can understand if you’re not and I know I just kissed you and maybe that wasn’t what you—”

His words were tangled together, coming faster and faster and Tommy stepped closer, grasped his arms gently. Evan stopped mid sentence. 

“If you need someone to hold you, my arms are right here, Evan. Come on, it’s getting late.”

It almost felt like deja vu to get ready for bed with Evan. Their shoulders brushed when they stood by the sink brushing their teeth and every once in a while their eyes would meet on the mirror. Evan’s eyes still had a sad quality to them, it wasn’t something that would leave any time soon. Tommy bumped their shoulders. 

Evan had deposited his phone on Tommy’s bedside table and at a glance he could see several missed calls and texts. 

“Do you want to answer any of these?” 

Evan shook his head. “I’ll deal with that tomorrow.” 

It was easy to arrange themselves in Tommy’s bed. Familiar. Both of them were on their side, Evan in front of him and happily snuggled into Tommy’s chest. 

“They didn’t have enough time,” Evan said. 

“Who?” 

“Bobby and Athena,” Evan said. “I keep thinking about that.” 

He wasn’t wrong. It was the tragedy of death. Tommy had seen Athena at the funeral and he had been wholly impressed by her poise, the way that she held herself together. No one would have blamed her for showing more emotion, but that just wasn’t who Athena was. He’d heard she was already back at work but that wasn’t much of a surprise and she probably needed the distraction. Tommy didn’t know what he would have done in her shoes and just thinking about it made him want to hold Evan even tighter, to bundle him up in as much protective gear as he could just to make sure that Evan came home every night. They weren’t even anything, but Tommy knew that losing Evan would devastate him.

“I was there when they met,” Tommy admitted. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, it was a call to a stab victim, I think. Anyway, the assailant was a rooster and after Bobby captured it, he just handed it to Athena. Maurice, that was the rooster’s name.”

Evan chuckled. “Wow. Doesn’t beat taking a helicopter out into a hurricane, but…” 

Tommy rolled his eyes fondly. “Our first meeting is very unique. That was Bobby’s first week in LA.”

“I forget sometimes,” Evan said, “that you knew him from the start.”

“I did,” Tommy said. 

Evan let silence settle between them and Tommy almost thought he was asleep, but then Evan turned and they were facing each other. 

“Evan?” 

“I know it’s probably not the best time to say this, but I don’t want to waste any time when…anyway, I’m sorry for what I said that day. You know I only said it because you kinda hit a nerve insinuating I could ever have feelings for Eddie…I mean he’s my — my friend, but he’ll never be anything more than that. You know that right?” 

Evan’s hand reached up to touch his face, fingers skirting gently over his cheeks and his thumb landing on his cleft. 

“I don’t think he’s even a friend to you, not really,” Tommy said. 

He saw Evan frown, but he didn’t deny that. 

“It’s not about him,” Evan said. “I don’t want any more time to go by without you knowing how I feel because anything could happen tomorrow so…I love you, Tommy. I think I have for a while.” 

The words felt impossible. A part of him, the part that ran when things got hard and that couldn’t actually believe in the good could almost believe he’d imagined it. Evan was right there, though, inches from him. Tommy was touching him and Evan’s fingers were still on his face. Waiting. Watching him. 

“I love you too,” he responded. Knew it was true. Felt it.

“Good,” Evan said, grasping his chin. He pushed forward and kissed Tommy, just a quick sweep of his lips. It felt like a promise.

Evan burrowed his face into Tommy’s neck, yawning. It didn’t take long for him to succumb to sleep. Tommy was up just a bit longer. He felt so protective of Evan and he didn’t know what he was going to do about it when the morning came. The Evan that had arrived at his house tonight was still more than a little damaged by the loss of Bobby but worse was whatever had been happening with Eddie as well as the rest of the 118. Knowing Evan, he would forgive and move on, but that didn’t mean that Tommy had to. 

He dropped a kiss to Evan’s head and slowly drifted off. 

In the morning, Evan was still there safe and warm in his arms, but he blinked slowly awake as if realizing that someone was watching him. 

“Hi,” Evan said. 

“Hi,” Tommy repeated. “How are you?” 

Evan let out a sigh. “I don’t know, but better. It helps, having someone in my corner.” 

“I’ll always be in your corner, Evan.” 

[sai-int]

Do you think Jhonny is the type to secretly wear laced underwear from time to time? Perhaps the task force was in a pub once after a long mission and soap leans forwards in his chair, his shirt riding up and there is the peaking flash of black lace above his waistband out of the corner of your eye. Maybe it's just the exhaustion and the many drinks you had.

Then weeks later maybe in the barracks or training room he bends down slightly to pick or put something up/down and the black lace is peak out again and this time you are sobber. Maybe he is into this or maybe it was his last resort of clean underwear ? Still doesn't explain why he owns laced female underwear though

okay, let’s think about this for a second.

he’s got that confidence, that casual boldness where he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and i feel like he’d lean into something like this for the fun of it. the kind of guy who enjoys turning heads and getting reactions, especially when no one expects it.

you’re sitting in a pub, mission done, the whole team letting off steam. the room’s warm, the air thick with the smell of beer and worn leather, and the haze of exhaustion makes everything feel a little surreal. soap’s halfway through some dramatic story. he’s leaning forward, gesturing wildly, accent cutting through the noise.

then it happens. his shirt rides up just enough to flash the waistband of his boxers… or what you thought were boxers until you catch the distinct shimmer of black lace peeking out. it’s quick, barely noticeable, but it’s enough to make you stop mid-drink, your brain short-circuiting for a second.

but you brush it off. you’ve had a couple of drinks, you’re tired, and it’s johnny. if anyone would find themselves in an odd underwear situation, it’d be him, right? maybe it’s some gag from his mates back home or one of his infamous “bets” gone wrong. you laugh to yourself and move on.

except it doesn’t end there.

a few weeks later you’re in the training room, trying your best to stay focused on whatever mundane task is in front of you, but johnny’s right there. bending down to grab a kettlebell or stretch out his legs, his shirt riding up just enough to expose that telltale band of lace peeking over the waistband of his pants.

it catches your eye. how could it not? and before you can stop yourself, you glance again, a little longer this time, just to make sure you’re not imagining it. that’s when you lock eyes and he’s caught you.

he straightens up, a sly grin spreading across his face, his eyes narrowing with amusement. “enjoyin' th' view there, hen?”

your cheeks burn immediately. “i wasn’t- i didn’t mea-” you stammer, trying and failing to find an excuse that doesn’t sound absolutely ridiculous.

“aye, dinnae play coy now,” he teases, stepping closer, that grin only growing. “ye've been sneakin’ glances fer weeks, haven’t ye?”

you want to deny it, but the playful glint in his eyes tells you there’s no point. so instead, you cross your arms, trying to muster up some semblance of composure. “you’re just… full of surprises, johnny. that’s all."

he chuckles at that, his hands on his hips, his thumb hooking under the hem of his shirt. “oh, this surprise?” he asks, lifting his shirt enough to give you another look of the thin band.

and there it is: black lace, snug against his hips, leaving absolutely no doubt in your mind now. it’s delicate and intricate, and you can’t help but wonder how the hell it ended up on a guy like him

“like what ye see?” he teases, tilting his head and folding his thick arms in front of himself before lowering his voice, “could give ye a proper look in my quarters if ye ask nicely.”

you roll your eyes, though your pulse is definitely racing. “you’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“oh, ah ken,” he says, “but admit it. ye're curious.”

and he’s right. you are. but you also know better than to give him the satisfaction of saying it out loud. “keep your secrets, johnny,” you mutter while looking away, trying to hide the blush tinging your cheeks.

“secrets?” he calls after you, laughter in his voice. “oh, lass, this is just th' start. wait till ye see th' red ones.”

mlist

[wolvesofinnistrad]

Now Expanded on AO3 here

The bed is hard and cold, not anything he isn't used to, but uncomfortable all the same. Especially with the way his body aches right now.

He wasn't even supposed to be on the ground, running into burning buildings wasn't really his main job description anymore. It was just...

The woman was screaming for her cat. And Tommy loves cats, he has his own, Missy. She's probably wondering where daddy is right now.

Who is he kidding, she probably didn't even notice he left for work.

No one is probably noticing he's missing. He likes the people at harbor, his coworkers, but they aren't family like the 118, Evan has told him how half the station will be sitting bedside vigil when any of them get injured. It must be nice to have that. After his childhood, shipped from one foster home to another, kicked out at 18, a family like that is something he's always wanted; fuck he acted like an absolute asshole just to try to get the old 118 to like him.

He's just mulling over whether calling Eddie and asking him to pick him up whenever they discharge him is too much when he hears the squeak of sneakers on the hospital floor and glances towards the door.

In stumbles Evan, looking scared and adorable and making Tommy's heart beat so fast the monitor actually beeps a few times in warning.

"Tommy, hey, are you okay?" He says, scrambling towards him, dragging a chair over with a loud scrape that has Tommy wincing at the sound.

For a moment all he can do is stare over at this human ball of sunshine, something in his chest unknotting. Fuck he really didn't think anyone would come, how did he...

"I, I'm okay," he says, trying to put on a brave face for Evan. He's older, more experienced, he should try to be calm and not get emotional.

"You look like shit," Evan says in that earnest way he has, sitting there and taking Tommy's hand in his own. His thumb brushes over Tommy's bruised knuckles, his concerned expression staring straight into Tommy's soul.

"Oh..." he says as he feels something crack open in him. Because Evan is here, he's holding his hand, he's worried for him he... He wants to take care of him, its written all over that adorable face. And well, that's, its not really something Tommy ever has anymore. "I'll be okay," he amends, and his hand squeezes Evan's even if it hurts a little. "How did you even?"

"The hospital called me. Apparently I'm your emergency contact?" Evan asks, and there's confusion there, but also something that looks like that same giddy contentment that Evan gets whenever Tommy does something to make him happy.

Fuck. He forgot he'd done that. That looked crazy and desperate, they'd only been dating a couple months.

"Uh, yeah it was either you or Chimney," he said, and fuck if that didn't sound pathetic. It wasn't like he didn't have friends. He had a lot actually, but none that he trusted implicitly like that. To see him weak and vulnerable. Chimney had saved his life though, and Evan well...

Evan leans in and kisses him. "Well I'm glad you did because I might not have known otherwise. Chim is at work right now so."

They sit for a while, Him recounting how he saved the cat but got blasted out a first floor window by the explosion. There wasn't any serious damage but he hurt like shit and had a lot of bruises and scrapes.

"Would you want to, y'know, come home with me and I can take care of you? Or I can stay at your place," Evan asks and fuck, fuck he is Not going to cry, he is not that kind of guy. But then, before he can answer.

Eddie rounds the corner, followed closely by Chim and Hen. Eddie's in plain clothes but Hen and Chim look like they came directly from the station.

"Tommy, shit, you okay?" Eddie asks, and Hen and Chim are looking at his chart by the bed and this is. Its too much. Its exactly what he wanted but wasn't at all expecting.

"I'm," he starts, looking at Evan for a moment before deciding, "I feel about as bad as I look, yeah." Evan squeezes his hand and his heart starts racing again and the monitor is beeping a little and he feels a tear going down his cheek. Evan wipes the tear away and then they're all talking. About what happened as Evan explains it for him, about a call where Hen saved a dog a few months back, about whatever. And fuck if Tommy doesn't feel safe, feel like he belongs.

Later that night, laying in his own bed, Evan having dragged him onto his broad chest in the same way Tommy usually does to him, he starts to think he could get used to this. He really hopes he can keep Evan, keep all of this for himself. Missy curls at the foot of the bed and purrs and he thinks, yeah, I feel like purring in contentment too.

[clovdgyu]

#dan heng x m!reade #fluff (drabble) #dan heng, i just needed to write a fic for him

#just whole teeth-rotting sweetness, penacony is, well, all of the places in the dreamscape is now in the reality

#after deliberating for a few months now and your 3 months long distance relationship, you finally decide to meet him.

you: dan heng, where are you?

dan heng: at home. why? caelus and march are here. do you want to see them?

you: no, i want to meet them.

dan heng: meet? you're literally far from here, m/n. unless, you're here in penacony right now.

you: 🫣🫣

dan heng: are you really here in penacony? where are you?

you: in front of the clockie statue.

dan heng: i'll be there.

------

and just as dan heng sent that, he immediately zoomed about in his room as if he was the fastest running man on earth. "i have to go," dan heng muttered as he looked at his two best friends who raised a brow, looking at their friend for being suspicious.

march 7th placed a hand on her chin, thinking. "hm, could this be? are you cheating on your boyfriend, dan heng?" she exclaimed, caelus agreeing as he nods his head and crossed his arms with a disappointed look on his face.

the grey-haired male sighed and frowned, shaking his head. "i cannot believe this. for that, i will not tolerate your acts of infelidity. hence, i will tell m/n all about it," he pointed out, the tone of hid voice more angered.

"infidelity? i'm not cheating on m/n. in fact," dan heng stopped, contemplating on whether telling his two best friends or just leave them to wonder where he was going. but if he does, who knows what these two would tell you. he sighed and said, "just follow me."

the two jumped in excitement as they put on their shoes, caelus grabbing his infamous galactic baseball bat while march 7th grabbed her camera and placed her bow down near dan heng's coffee table. "what will happen today, i wonder," she mumbles.

the ravenette scoffed before sending you a text that his friends were coming with him, asking if it was okay for you to be seen by them. you said it was okay and you would even love to see his friends.

caelus and march 7th both got out of dan heng's hotel room first as they hummed the tune of robin's new song. "hey, dan heng, where are we going today?" the grey-haired male asked as he looked at dan heng expectedly.

"to the clockie statue. i have to meet someone there," he answered, a stoic expression in his face as they walked out of the hotel reverie. not kinding his slightly indifferent tone, caelus shrugged and continue to walk beside march 7th.

well, dan heng's been doing exceptionally well, hiding his boyfriend from his two best friends. he wasn't ashamed of your relationship, no way. he just knew that caelus and march 7th would pester him all about it and he'd never hear the end of it.

maybe this was the perfect opportunity to finally introduce you to his friends. as they walked towards the clockie statue, dan heng couldn't help but be nervous as his hands began to sweat. he was excited, really.

but he didn't know how you'd react to finally seeing him face-to-face. also, you were already handsome and pretty in your pics, then what if he finally saw you in personal. dan hen just knew he'd faint if you were too ethereal.

the figure of the clockie cartoon became more prominent and clear. the ravenette could see a figure just standing in front of the statue, their back turned towards him. those clothes, familiar. dan heng thought before finally realizing it was you!

and, as if forgetting about his friends, a small smile formed on dan heng's lips as he ran towards the statue, leaving the two confused but followed anyway. "ah, dan heng! wait up!" march chirped.

dan heng finally arrived at the bottom of the stairs and looked at your side figure. still too far for him yet already near. i wished he'd just turn around now. he thought.

as if you heard his thoughts, you turned towards the ravenette's way and saw him, offering him a sweet smile as you placed your phone inside your pants' pocket. "hello, dan heng. how've you been?" you asked him as you walked towards him.

when you finally stopped in front of him, looking up, words just weren't enough to describe how surreal it was. how bizarre it is to finally be able to see you in your flesh, not some pic. this was really you!

at the exact time, march 7th and caelus made it to the bottom of the stairs and saw you two looking at each other lovingly. "who's he?" march 7th asked as she and caelus neared you two.

you noticed the footsteps of two people, making you look behind your boyfriend and boy were they taken-back. you were so gorgeous! you were literally shining. who are you? "you must be march 7th and caelus."

finally remembering his friends, dan heng cleared his throat and faced the two. "m/n, meet caelus and march 7th, my best friends. caelus, march, i want you to meet m/n," he started before rubbing his nape, a boush evident on his cheeks. "my boyfriend."

march 7th and caelus blinked twice, thrice. they weren't seeing things, right? dan heng was being shy and—"wait, boyfriend?!" both caelus and march exclaimed as they looked at you.

"yes, i'm m/n. dan heng was my pen pal before we were boyfriends. it's finally nice to meet you two! he's been telling me so much about you two," you told the two as you offered a hand for them to shake yet they just looked at you, frozen in their spot as if they've seen a ghost.

you let out an awkward chuckle as you retracted you hand back, dan heng glaring at his friends for not shaking your hand. "hey, you're being disrespectful--"

"do you want to break up with him and come to me instead?" caelus spoke up while making himself look cool using his baseball bat. you were taken by surprise but you just laughed before shaking your head 'no'. "aw shucks. are you really...real? you look like a doll."

caelus neared you and began to poke your cheeks, march doing the same but with your hair. growing annoyed by his friends constantly invading your personal space, he groaned and pulled the two away from him. "sorry about them, m/n. they always behave like this."

you smiled. "i don't mind. at least that means your friends like me."

dan heng cooed at your smile before letting go of his friends and engulfed you in a tight hug. "you're really here."

"i am. you better believe it," you said before wrapping your hands around his figure as well.

[spotsandsocks]

Hiii spotty 💕💕💕

🎃 + dawn/sunrise

-❤️🪐

Hi Saturn, managed to use both words here and it got a little longer at nearly 1k. A little angsty but not too bad. Hope you enjoy. Thank for inspiring me.

“Wondered where you went.”

A quick glance over his shoulder reveals that Hen has that kind of look on her face. Buck looks away quickly, he’s not ready to talk but she already knows that, she’s Hen after all.

The unpleasant scrape of metal on concrete makes him wince as Hen settles down in one of the chairs they use up here. It’s clear she intends to wait him out.

“Don’t worry, no one else is gonna join us.”

That’s not the comfort she thinks it is because it only emphasises who isn’t going to be checking on him and they both know why he can’t and that if he could he wouldn’t need checking up on in the first place. Ironic huh.

The edge of the weather beaten brick beneath his fingers is rough and catches at his skin. The texture and prickle of pain gives him something to focus on other than the reason he’s hiding up here.

“Bobby says come down when you’re ready, but that you don’t have to be ready anytime soon, he said it’s ok to take a minute, it was a rough call.”

It was.

“Eddie said you’d be up here, told me to tell you he’d be here as soon as Chim is done with him, we thought, well he thought I should keep you company until he can.

How considerate of him. Deliberately relaxing his suddenly tense jaw and dropping his shoulders Buck breathes through the surge of anger Eddie sending Hen to check up on him generates. Hen wouldn’t need to be keeping him company if the company he should have after a call hadn’t been so fucking stupid that he needed a full check up and time to convince Chim and Bobby that a trip to the hospital wasn’t required.

“I’m fine.”

He can’t look at her while he lies, not that it matters much, Hen won’t believe him anyway, hell he doesn’t believe him and she’s a lot smarter than he is.

He hears her snort of amusement and she doesn’t even try to hide the sacrasam in her voice,

“Oh I can tell. Totally fine.”

Eyes fixed firmly on what little of the horizon he can see through the LA skyline, the changing quality of light makes it clear that sunrise is just around the corner, a new day is beckoning. It’s a new day that might not have had Eddie in it.

He shuts his eyes but that’s no help because he just sees it all again. The chain of events that rushed past him and led to the accident.

“How’s he doing?”

Addressing the question to the air he doesn’t need to see her face to know what expression is on it.

“It’s not actually as bad as it looked, most of the blood wasn’t even his.”

The words spark another memory and he uses techniques he’s been taught to fight off a fierce wave of nausea. He changes the subject. It’s easier that way.

“I like it up here. It’s quiet. Sometimes I come up and watch the sunrise when I can’t sleep.”

She lets him have a moment of peace then breaks it.

“He didn’t mean to scare anyone, especially you, you know that right?”

He keeps his eyes on the approaching dawn and stays quiet.

“It’s our job. You know that too.”

It is. He does. Doesn’t make it any easier.

“You’ve done the same. Worse even.”

Also true. Also unhelpful. He knows how to spell hypocrite with only four letters without her help.

“It’s going to be hard, you both knew that, but it’ll be harder if you’re not there when it matters. I know that much.”

Her words hit him hard. What if he hadn’t been there. What if they had moved to different shifts or worse stations. What if he’d heard about it later and it hadn’t worked out as well as it had. What if he’d always have to wonder if he could have saved his husband if he’d been there.

Well he was there and he’d stayed calm even if he’d been more terrified than he’d ever been. He’d done what they promised Bobby they’d do. Their job. He’d listened to his Captain, followed his commands. He’d done exactly what Bobby had said. He’d helped get Eddie out of the mess he was in.

It becomes a little easier to breathe.

“Cap says you handled it well. Did your job. He’s proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you too.”

He turns his back on the sunrise because it’s not Hen’s voice this time. His eyes fall on the grazes on his cheek, the deeper cut on his forehead that Chim has treated. He notes every one of the bruises forming on the skin that’s visible and knows there will be more under his clothes that he’ll check later. He looks tired and worried and he’s still far more beautiful than any dawn Buck has ever seen.

Hen’s vanished. It’s just him and his husband, dealing with the aftermath of their first real trauma since they got together.

“Am I forgiven?”

He doesn’t answer just crosses the rooftop to him as fast as he can and holds on, probably too tightly judging by the small sound he makes but Eddie hugs back just as tightly regardless.

“You did your job. Nothing to forgive.”

Eddie kisses his cheek softly, the tension in him vanishing. He sounds relieved.

“So did you, I’m glad you were there.”

He’s not ready to let go yet, and Eddie understands that, so they stay there a while longer, holding each other both remembering the day they shook hands and agreed they could maybe have each other's back.

Today wasn’t the first time they kept that promise and it won’t be the last, it will be hard for them both but they belong beside each other and Buck wouldn’t have it any other way. No matter the cost.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

apparently severe CO poisoning can cause lesions on the skin, so maybe it's all connected? It would be just in the weewoo show wheelhouse to turn something silly into something deathly serious

Yes I was wondering if it would be a CO poisoning thing - which is where I was going with the post I made at 3am (my time) about the pipes Gerrard mentioned - it was 3am so I didn't actually state CO as the thing because my brain was not in fully functional mode 😂

It would be so on brand for the show to go down that route! especially as Buck has been stuck on latrine duty for so long - hence more exposed to those pipes perhaps!

My post about Tommy hitting Buck was more of a bit of speculative fun - to explore aspects of Bucks character and how the show might choose to address them - there are lots of possibilities!

I am very much of the opinion that it will be a poisoning thing - and that Hen will also be affected - hence the hallucination of Denny getting hit by a car and trapped - seeing her worst nightmares!

I actually really like the metaphor of CO poisoning to be honest. CO poisoning can also cause, increased heart rate, sleepiness, delirium, confusion and the depression of the central nervous system, alongside hallucinations and lesions.

Using CO poisoning as a way of indicating the reality of Buck's relationships over the course of all 8 seasons - that he's been slowly, slowly poisoning himself by just falling into all these relationships without actually stopping to look at what he wants or needs and how they're making him feel - letting others chase him and just going along with things, until a physical manifestation appears in the form of a lesion. its a really interesting and clever way of exploring Bucks tendencies to not choose for himself and not look internally at his wants and needs and also to not look to closely at his heart (where he'll find Eddie when he does)

CO poisoning slowly increasing your heart rate (abby), headaches and dizziness (Ali), kind of making you sluggish - like you've got anaesthetic in your system (depression of the central nervous system) (taylor), shortness of breath (Natalia) and being confused and disoriented (hello I misunderstood the assignment) when Tommy kissed him. The delirium of realising a new part of yourself you didn't know existed before, and then having it manifest visually in a physical lesion - Tommy being akin to a lesion on Bucks life (in a halloween episode no less) as almost a final and visual symptom is peak comedy (only on 911!) and such an interesting way to introduce baggage and hurdles or whatever synonym Oliver wants to go with in his next interview! Because if its visual - it means Buck has become aware of things - metaphorically he's beginning to understand what he does every time he is in a relationship - and now he has to both stop the cause of those symptoms and treat them before they 'kill' him - basically he has to actually learn from his past relationships (and his current one) and get off that hamster wheel. Its such a clever metaphor for Bucks relationships and his inability to look at things until they become so obvious he cannot avoid them.

He's going to learn that he's going about things the same way with a man as he did with the women he dated and this is where he finally looks and learns and unpacks that baggage and moves forward!