#also: sorry i went off in the tags ANON I truly mean with all my love just dont stay here if its only bothering you

[jealousjersey]

₊࿔*:･୧”too sweet”₊˚࿔*:･୧

pairing // mike schmidt x gn!reader fluff

mentions // purely fluff just some nice and sweet content, pet names, reader is overwhelmed and stressed with everything and mike uplifts you, y/n isn’t mentioned, reader in college, reader and mike are in a situationship, mentions of being cheated on by past shitty gender unspecified partner

1.4k wc

tags // mike schmidt x reader fluff, purely fluff fic, pet names, slight angst

authors note // yes this is inspired by too sweet by hozier i’ve played it 18 times today (still listening to it) also per request (ty anon) fluff

school is kicking your ass. the lectures are too long and not informative at all, although you’ve had exams all week, they never seem to contain the information you’re supposedly learning.

you don’t even live on campus so you constantly feel like you’re missing out on important events and information. it’s truly exhausting.

that is until you get home, you’ve been in a situationship with this security guard worker, mike. you’ve talked and had dates, even had sex a few times but it doesn’t suffice you. you were made to be a lover, but right now you’re just a piece of ass. you want mike to love you, well, right now it feels more than a need. you want to finally receive the love that you give.

once your classes are done, you leave campus. taking the subway back to your apartment, luckily you don’t live too far, but not close enough to walk. and instead of wasting gas on driving to and from school, so why not take the safer option and just take the train?

as you arrive at your apartment, you finally get to lay down on your bed. you feel a tear fall from your eyes but you’re not sure why. today wasn’t too bad…but your body’s reaction is telling you different. you check the time and wait-

it’s the 2 year anniversary of your ex cheating on you, well atleast it’s the anniversary of the day you found out. you check the date and you get flashbacks, flashbacks to you coming to surprise them at their house for your 1 year together.

you arrive with tickets to some indie concert in hand. but instead you were practically hit in the face with realization as you saw her. she looked…perfect. you still wonder how they ended up with her. but let’s face it, you knew there was signs. but you chose to ignore them.

as of now, you’re laying face down on your bed, basically crying at this point. your breath hitches as you just lay there, helpless. until suddenly

knock knock

“hey? anyone here?” you hear a familiar voice enter your house. it’s mike schmidt, the man you’ve been talking to for a few months. wait a second-

“how did you get in?” you question. you thought you locked the door but apparently not.

“oh, the door was halfway open. wanted to check to see if you were being robbed” he says as he gets a good look at you “shit are you okay?” he asks worried, staring at your puffy face, your swollen eyes as tears leak from them.

his worry makes you feel better. you’ve waited on somebody to actually care about how you were, not just ask without remorse in their eyes. but mike actually cares, and it feels good. it feels like he gives you a little sliver of comfort.

“yeah, i’m fine…schools kicking my ass and-” you cut yourself off, he’s just a fling, why does he get to know your personal problems? but something inside you just tells you to come clean. “2 years ago today i went through hell with my ex. he cheated and things went…down from there you could say.” you open up, not wanting to share anything that could bring back more deep memories- maybe mentioning the abuse would be too far.

“oh baby, i’m sorry. you need me here with you? i can get take out and we can watch one of your weird cartoons” he says. you chuckle. does he mean anime? you don’t even watch it that much, maybe he’s basing his suspicions on the death slayer poster in your room that you got because it looked cool. i mean, you only watched a episode or two. it might make you a poser but it looks good in your room so what’s the harm?

“yeah, take out sounds great. and we can just watch a movie or something.” you smile at his request, your eyes still puffy. mike notices this and sits next to you on your bed, bringing a hand to your cheek as he gently brushes a thumb over your eye bags, taking in the darkness.

“i’m gonna be right back, you want take out chinese food?” he asks with a smile as he presses a kiss onto your cheek. you slightly nod.

“gotta use your words baby” he teases you. “yes, chinese food is perfect” you smile “amazing, i’ll be back in 30. don’t fall asleep” he says as he points a finger in your direction and smiles softly

30 minutes pass, you just stay in your bed until he arrives, he walks in without knocking. “baby, i’m here” he yells, arms full with bags of chinese food. god, how much did he get?

you silently laugh to yourself at the site: mike with both hands carrying giant take out bags that say “thank you” with a smile face, his keys on his mouth and his pinky closing the door. it’s…really funny to be honest.

you snap out of your daze and run to help him, taking the bags out his hands and placing them on your kitchen island. you see him huff out a short breath, taking the keys out of his mouth and hanging them on the key holder.

you place a short kiss on his lips “thank you love” you say. a blush creeps onto his face. he wonders why he’s feeling so intense at your small gesture, i mean it’s not like you two are official….

you two get cuddled up on the couch together. he always said your couch is weird, two seats with a middle compartment in the center, dividing the chairs. he says it’s not ideal for cuddling but you make it work, the chairs aren’t small per say, but you can both fit on k it with ease, kicking up the leg so you can both lay comfortably.

you put on some movie that was recommended through the roku app. it doesn’t matter what movie it was, it just matters that you had mike with you.

soon enough he’s yawning, the mint aroma coming from his mouth isn’t bad. it’s kinda nice. before he could close his mouth fully you kiss him gently, wanting more of that mint taste. he returns the kiss, using the same pace you started.

as you let go, you ask the dreaded question. “do you want to be with me? romantically?” he stops and freezes before speaking. “honey, you’re too good for me- i..i’m not the best person. you’re full of love, i don’t want you to waste it on me, you’re too sweet for me.” he says. you look confused, you know you want to love him. why isn’t he accepting?

“but i want to be with you. i want to love you, and if im being honest i think i kind of already do.” you say after a moment.

“you…really?” he looks confused, almost baffled by your statement. do you really want to love him? like fully and truly?

“god yes mike, I try not to call but there’s some days that i really, really want to. i want to hear your voice, i want to hear you laugh. hell, i even want to smell your cologne. but i stop myself because i know you want something casual.” you blurt out.

“who said i wanted casual? baby i was waiting for you to say that. i think ive been in love with you since we first started talking. it sounds cheesy i know, but i really do.” he responds, making your heart flutter for a moment as you blink, suddenly feeling his breath against your ear.

“i only want you” he whispers, putting emphasis on only. immediately you blush more than ever in his presence. “really?” you can’t help but whisper back. is this really happening? are you about to have a boyfriend?

“really. you are the only person i ever want to be with. promise” he says as he puts his pinky out, asking for yours. sealing it with a pinky promise. he knows you’re serious about those so him doing this for you means a lot.

“you’re the only person i want to be with mike, has been that way since i think i first spoke to you. were so dumb” you laugh.

“yeah but we’re dumb together” he chuckles back as he holds you closer to him.

“so….are we dating or what?” you ask, popping your lips after “so”.

“let me ask you” he fixes his messy hair and uses a takeout napkin as a tie around his neck. “would you like to date me” he says sincerely, still a hint of laughing under his voice.

“fuck it, sure” you laugh as you bury yourself into his neck.

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

AYYYYY CONGRATS ABOUT 100 FOLLOWERS!! You totally deserve them all and even more!! I mean, your story with Kid and reader about scottish mafia was 11/1 score! Truly mesmerising!!!

And I wondered if you wouldn’t have anything against writing Killer x male!reader, nothing nsfw, maybe a little smooch and cuddle session in the end, that would be awesome!

And this is one of the ideas I had roaming in my head; original OP au would fit the best)

Killer went to investigate area, got bitten by a wild wolf-alike thing, got back to the crew, he acted normal after going to infirmary, but every hour it got darker outside he was ‘not like himself’, while Victoria Punk is still docked at an island — he transforms and freaks out completely, then he runs away and reader is beyond than worried, crew was alarmed and they all went to search for him, he’s a grown ass man — we all know — but the unpredictable happened and it’s all going to the point of reader finding him inside a forest, then… you decide what happens. Comfort? Tragedy? Attack? Peace?

I understand that it may not be your cup of tea and I totally understand, anyways, thanks for reading this! (It may be Kid x male!reader also huehue)

Hello anon!!

First of all, thank you soooo much for your kind words! They truly warm my heart! Second, I'm so sorry for the delay on this request, but with vacation, wanting to finish the Highlander Kid story, and... well, life (!) this took a while. Also, I meant this to be short and sweet, but it turned out long and a bit angsty! I guess my need for angst keeps showing... 😫 I do hope you still like it! I had fun with this story because it explored so many new things I'd never written about! Without further ado, and seriously hoping you'll like it, read on!

Source for Pic

Word Count: 5112

Tags: Male!Reader x Killer; Supernatural AU; Mentions of blood; Cursing; Fluff and angst; Angst with hopefull ending (if you squint hard enough); Feelings;

Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.

Summary: Killer gets bitten on a routine scouting mission and dismisses it as a minor wound. Turns out it was anything but a minor wound. As he starts to transform into something else, you try with all your might to bring him back home. Back to you.

Tag List: @rosidaze @beachaddict48 @armiliadawn @jintaka-hane @sprinkklz

MASTERLIST

It was routine. 

Scouting a new island was routine work. Boring, repetitive, mind-numbing routine work. And Killer wasn't even the one who usually did it. But this island was special. This island was fabled to have a single tree, hidden somewhere in the midst of a thick forest, that was said to produce the most fragrant, delicious, mouth-watering fruits known in the New World. 

And Killer just had to get his hands on it. Period. 

Perhaps if he wasn’t so worried about finding this fruit, he would’ve noticed the unnatural fog that permeated the forest. How its thick tendrils wisped their way around him, grasping, enveloping, and suffocating. 

Perhaps if he wasn’t so keen on tasting that new flavour, he would’ve seen a pair of glowing, bright yellow eyes, following him from the shadows, moving as swiftly as the fog.

Perhaps if he wasn’t already inventing recipes in his head, trying to figure out if the fruit paired better with meat, fish, or dessert, he would’ve heard the faint rustle of the leaves, the low snarl of the wolf-like creature, the soft crunch of twigs beneath its paws as it jumped to strike.

Perhaps if he had turned a second earlier, or ducked, or rolled over… perhaps, only perhaps, he wouldn’t have been bitten. Instead, he felt a sharp, intense pain right on the shoulder blade, sending throbbing jolts of discomfort through his neck and down his arm. 

A heavy grunt left his painted lips, muffled by his mask, as he turned, releasing his punisher and fending off the creature that fled with a loud yelp. It was bigger than a wolf, larger than a wolf, heavier than a wolf. 

And it disappeared just as fast as it appeared.

-*-

Killer passed by you on the deck of the Victoria. His mask had a streak of red across it and he was clutching his right arm against his bare chest, his shirt pressed hard against his shoulder blade. Under normal circumstances, the sight of the Massacre Soldier half-naked, usually brought a grunt and pulled a smile from your - often - pursed lips: he was a sight!

Today was different though. 

He seemed to be in pain, from the slight strain with which he carried his arm, his steps heavy while grunts and puffs left his veiled lips. 

“Kill, you alright?” You asked, worry lacing your voice, his hisses of pain shadowing any previous lewd thoughts that crossed your mind. 

“Yes, yes. I'll manage. It’s a minor wound, I just need to get it stitched. Go back to your duties.” His barks were laced with a commanding tone and a very out of character irritable timbre. You and Killer were very good friends - in fact, he was much more than that to you. He was an unattainable crush, the recurring wet dream, the never-possible love story you wished to fulfil. 

Yet, you knew better than to disobey an order from the first mate. So you stayed on deck and finished your duties, a slight hurry to your step and gestures, a frown of worry distorting your face. 

-*-

“What the fuck is that?” Kid barked as he got his face close to Killer’s wound, nose scrunched in disgust and lips pulled upwards, showing his sharp teeth. 

“Fuck off, Kid. I got bit by a fucking wolf. Where’s Doc?” Killer grabbed a whole bottle of rum and poured it on his shoulder, hissing and grunting as the golden-brown liquid poured down his back and front, dripping onto the floor. 

“Hey! That’s a waste of good rum!” Kid growled as Killer lifted a bit of his mask and took a swig of the liquid before pouring the rest over the wound. 

“Fuck, it hurts!” The first mate threw the bottle on the floor and punched the wooden table, gritting his teeth under his mask.

“Doc went to buy supplies. I can stitch that up.” Kid offered. Killer’s snickers were muffled by the mask, but still heard.

“No, it’s better if you don't. I’ll wait. It’s just a minor injury.” Killer grabbed a bunch of bandages from a nearby cabinet and sat down, a disgruntled groan leaving his lips. “Just help me bandage it up.”

-*-

Your duties took way longer than expected and by the time you finished, the orange in the sky was turning into a purplish blue, nighttime approaching fast. That meant Killer would be by the galley. It was Thursday, and Killer usually indulged the crew with some pasta on Thursdays. 

After washing up, you decided to help him - it was not an excuse to check how he was! - since from the looks of it, his arm might’ve been too wounded to cook properly. 

Yet, as soon as you got to the galley, the kitchen was eerily empty. There were pots with simmering water that still hadn’t reached the boiling point, and half-peeled tomatoes on the counter. 

But no Killer in sight. 

“Kill?” You tried to sound cheerful, but worry laced your voice turning it raspy and hoarse. “I came to see if you needed help.”

Listening carefully, you tilted your head to the side as you slowly went around the counter. “Kill?” You heard a soft sound - a muffled whine - coming from the pantry. The door was closed so you approached carefully. Each step you took seemed to be met with another whine. Was it Killer?

Your heart beat rapidly against your chest, your breath came in shallow, fast waves and you felt a drip of sweat run down your back. Inhaling, and unconsciously holding your breath, you pushed the door open. 

“Kill?” You almost didn’t recognize your own voice. It came out in an altered timbre, much higher than usual. And much more frightened. Because the man cowering in the corner of the pantry, curling his body against the lower shelf, was Killer. 

Yet… not quite.

“Are you alright?” You started, taking a very small step inside. He had removed his shirt - or never put it back on - and had ripped the bloody bandages he must have used to wrap his wound, as they were scattered on the floor, all around him. 

But what startled you the most, was the fact that he had removed his mask. You had never seen him without his mask on. Though his face was still obscured by his long, blonde bangs, you could make out the smeared purple lipstick on his lips and - gods, this made your heart jump into your throat - his tear-stained cheeks.

That set your fears to the back of your mind and your determination took the spotlight as you took two big strides towards him, hands outstretched and eyes wide open. “I’m here, Kill. Whatever you need, I’ll help. Need me to go get Doc? Kid? What do you need? Speak to me.”

You urged as you knelt in front of him. 

A ragged cry left his lips as he wrapped his arms around his torso. He seemed to be in pain, yet you were confused, wasn’t it his shoulder that got hurt? Why was he clutching his body?

“My wound!” His desperation cut like knives through your heart. “It’s almost healed!” He moved his shoulder towards you and you gasped. You weren’t quite sure what he meant by ‘almost healed’, because the whole thing seemed pretty inflamed to you. 

He had an assortment of red gashes, the middle ones more pronounced than the others, and the flesh seemed torn. As if something had bitten and just ripped it apart, leaving tendons and muscles exposed. It was a wound that required stitches! Yet, upon closer inspection, you realised he was right. The smaller gashes seemed to have scabbed over, and the bruises around them were already turning a greenish-yellow, instead of being at their most inflamed. 

From a wound made a few hours ago, that seemed impossible! In addition to that, the veins in his arm seemed to be protruding and were dark and purple, almost visibly pulsating . 

“Okay, okay, I can see that. Let’s get you to the infirmary and see what the Doc can do to help you, alright?” You said calmly, your hands reaching towards him, but he whined again as he shrank deeper beneath the shelf.

“No, no, no. I don’t feel like myself! I don’t want to hurt you!” He grunted as his hands clawed against his chest, leaving angry red marks across it and you managed to glimpse his fingernails. They looked sharp - almost claw like - and blackened. “It hurts! On the inside! It’s like I’m being ripped apart! Fuuuuck!” His animalistic, primal roar made you take a step back.

Whatever the fuck had bitten Killer was not a normal beast.

“You won’t hurt me, trust me.” Extending your hand to him, you prayed that Doc knew some mythical way to heal him, because from what you were seeing, you had already come to a conclusion about what was happening.

And you didn’t want to be right about it. 

Though you were rarely wrong.

“Get the fuck away! I can't hurt you! Not you! I-...” Except he didn’t finish his thought because in the next moment, Killer let out an ear-piercing, mind-shattering scream that bristled all the hairs on your body, trapping your next breath in your throat. 

A quiet, eerie silence surrounded you as Killer crouched, his breath coming out in ragged pants as he got on all fours. You could barely describe what you were seeing to anyone who dared ask. His back was twitching, expanding, growing bigger and bulgier. His blonde mane fused to his back creating what seemed like a coat of fur that spread to his body. His arms and legs twisted and turned into unnatural shapes as bones cracked and elongated. 

You could scarcely believe your eyes as you realised that, where once there were hands and feet, now stood paw-like extremities, complete with sharpened nails - resembling lethal claws - perfect instruments to hunt prey and run through thick forests. 

Your initial thought was right.

He was transforming into some kind of creature, a werewolf would be your first guess.

Killer’s scream died out in a decrescendo as his ragged pants dissolved into a heavy, guttural breathing. As he crawled out from under the shelf, his hands - paws? - clicked against the wooden floor in slow, deliberate motions, you glimpsed his eyes peering at you from behind his fur-like bangs. 

The blue had turned into a sickly yellow, his pupils enlarged and black as the darkest night. His face seemed to have elongated somewhat, though he still had some humanity left in him. However, what terrified you the most was his smile. A feral-like grin that showcased large, sharp canines. 

He didn’t seem like the Killer you knew at all. 

“Kill?” You tried hesitantly. You didn’t know much about werewolves, as you thought them to be mere lore and myth. Yet, here you were. Face to face with one. The man you loved, to be more precise. “Are you still there?”

A deep growl was your answer. 

If he wasn’t completely gone, he was teetering on the edge. “Stay with me, Kill. We’ll find you a cure.” As with any animal, you were sure that if you showed fear, he would attack you. So you needed to remain in control. Cool and collected. 

Which was easier said than done. 

“Come on, Kill. I’ll help. Come out of it.” A sure step forward elicited a small, gentle yelp from him as he shook his furry head. Though, just as his eyes turned more blue than yellow, and his body lost tension, the door to the galley burst open and boisterous crew members came inside laughing and jeering, asking for pasta, startling Killer into a frenzy.

He growled and snarled as he lowered his head in position to strike. “No, Kill. It’s okay, it’s just our crewmembers, it’s alright.” You tried to remain calm, but the way his paws retracted, his claws leaving deep scratch marks against the wood, was making you tremble.

It took just one surprised scream.

And Killer leaped over you. His hind legs hitting your head with such brutal force that they knocked the breath right out of your lungs. And just like that he was gone.

-*-

“What the fuck do ya mean Killer’s gone?” Kid’s snarl was visceral.

You gulped as you pressed the ice pack against your temple, which was still throbbing. The crew members who had seen Killer rush out of the galley were gathered around Kid, relaying all the information they could to your flabbergasted captain. 

You were being seen by Doc a few paces away. 

“He turned into a werewolf, Captain.” You groaned, nausea hitting you as you bent, placing your head between your knees to stop the world from spinning and keep bile from rising up from your stomach again. 

“Lad, ya’ve said that three times. I can’t hear it one more time. The fuck do ya mean by that? Doc, are werewolves real?”

“Yes!” You hissed as you swallowed hard, a bitter taste in your mouth from the earlier vomiting you’d done. 

“There’s some records, Cap,” Doc began. “But not specific, concrete evidence of it.”

“What fucking concrete evidence? We’ve all seen it!” You stated, getting upright with a swift motion and grasping the table until your knuckles turned white as your vision blurred. “He turned right in front of me! He jumped over me! They all saw it!”

Kid looked at you in disbelief. Your tale was so wild he had no idea what to believe. 

“Even so, what are we all waiting for? He ran onto an unknown island and he’s all alone! Let’s go after him before he hurts himself or anyone else!” Anger kept rising within you every minute Kill was away from you. But the fear… the fear was overwhelming. It clutched your chest in its grasp, snaking cold tendrils to your stomach and bowels, twisting and turning, making you feel helpless and agonised. 

“He's a grown ass-man.” Kid said gruffly, though the strain in his voice betrayed the worry he was feeling. 

Silence surrounded the crew as Kid's scowl became more pronounced. After a moment he got up, determination setting his pace. “Fine. Four search parties, no fewer than three men on each. Careful if he's really turned into… something else. Avoid hurting him.” The Kid pirates exclaimed ‘Aye Captain!’ in unison as they started to disband. 

You got up on wobbly legs, discarding the pack of ice and taking a deep steadying breath. “Where the fuck ya think ya going? Ya stay behind.” Kid snarled at you. 

“I'm the best hunter on this fucking ship. I can track a snow leopard in the middle of a fucking snowstorm. That's how good I am.” Rage seethed through your pores, urgency filled your veins, and desperation gripped your heart. 

“Yer compromised, lad.” Kid stated gravely. 

“You mean my wound? I won't let it slow me down. I can-...”

“Ain’t yer wound. Everyone with two eyes and ears can see ya care about Killer. Care, care.” He grunted with a smirk and you were left speechless. But Kid continued. “What if the unthinkable needs to be done? Can ya do it?”

The unthinkable? Was he talking about… hurting him, or killing him? Would it come to that? Would Killer want that? There had to be a cure somewhere. Lycanthropy had to have been around for ages. Someone must've found something out, at least how to snuff out the symptoms. Still… Kid’s question was a pertinent one. Could you do it? 

“Can you?” Defiance laced your voice and Kid’s snarky laugh reached your ears. 

“Valid point, lad. Yer still staying. Captain's orders.”

Fuck.

-*-

The search parties kept returning, each more dismayed than the last. And your heart kept wanting to flee from your chest. What had happened? Was he safe? Kid still hadn't returned so there was still some semblance of hope. Kid would never give up on his first mate - his friend - like that. 

But you could no longer sit still. 

You had been restless and preoccupied. Fortunately the worst of the nausea had gone away and your strength had returned, though your head was still throbbing like a son of a bitch. 

So you decided to mutiny. And you knew you would be punished - severely, even - yet you could not help it, for how could you stay still when part of your heart was out there? Alone, scared, maybe even hurt? 

Gathering your weapons, you stealthily left the ship, eluding some stationed crewmates guarding the deck, and immediately started to look for tracks. You tried to identify some wolf markings, yet, with all the search parties that had left the ship earlier, the tracks were all muddled together. 

Clicking your tongue, you cursed your hot-headed captain. If you had gone out earlier, you would have tracked him faster. 

Instead, it took the better part of an hour just to - finally - be on the right track. The full moon was shining brightly in the sky, casting its glowing light against the tops of the dense trees. The hoots of the owls lent a semblance of sobriety to your hunt and the approaching howls of wolves told you that you were near. 

The only other thing you could hear was the disjointed beat of your heart thrumming in your eardrums. 

After a few moments you tensed. The thick mist had come out of nowhere and surrounded you completely, the forest had suddenly turned eerily still and you could vaguely make out distant shapes of yellowish orbs staring right at you. 

You counted eight different pairs of eyes. 

You were surrounded. And, most likely, very dead in the next few seconds. Gripping the handles of your weapons and gritting your teeth, you vowed not to go down without a fight. 

At least there would be no punishment awaiting you back on the Victoria. 

However, before the wolves launched an attack, you heard pained and muffled grunts in the short distance. Your heart jumped to your mouth as your eyes widened. You could identify your counterpart in the middle of a crowd, blindfolded and with your ears covered. 

Killer. 

You made a move to rush forward but all the wolves growled at you, turning your legs to jelly and halting your movements. After a few moments, Killer - your Killer, not the thing he transformed into - came into view. He looked dishevelled, tired and still in pain.

Grunting your name, he fell to his knees, clutching his head between his hands. “Kill!” You urged, surging forward and kneeling near him. “You're fine! You're all right!” Were you assuring him, or yourself? 

A groan escaped his lips as his face contorted. It almost seemed as if he was using all his strength to stop from turning. “I'm not fine!” He hissed between his teeth, every word coming out of his mouth strained and hoarse. “And you shouldn't be here.”

“I came to get you, Kill. The Doc knows what's up. They're working on a cure now. You need to come back with me, come home.” 

His blond locks shook at the same time as his head. He had twigs, leaves and dirt on his once pristine golden mane and you longed to help him clean it. “They're calling me.” He uttered as he retreated from you. 

“Who's calling you?” You didn't push into his space, but you didn't fall back either. Your arm reached for him, just to assure him you were still there, as he had his eyes shut with tension and hurt. 

“Them!” 

The wolves surrounding you started to howl at the moon. Killer repeated the word ‘them’ incessantly, as if it were a litany, a sort of prayer to a God you were not privy to. Then, he started to howl at the moon with them and the sound that escaped his lips was feral and primal and terrifying. 

“They need me. They need a leader of the pack, an Alpha. They want me to be their Alpha. Without one, they’re mere prey for other packs.”

A surge of questions begging to be answered swallowed your brain, yet, what frightened you the most, was the very real possibility of him staying behind. 

“What do you mean, Kill?” Your voice was a mere whisper. You crawled forward, tentatively approaching his crouching form. He whimpered and groaned and your heart clenched some more. This was not your Killer. The Killer you knew and loved was strong and self-assured. You’d never seen him like this.

It was very disarming.

“I have to stay!” Your name came out of his lips in a low snarl. “They need me!” He repeated, and this time he looked up at you. One yellow eye seemed determined and set with fiery will; the other one carried a very soft blue and with it a frightened, disconsolate look. 

“You can't stay, Kill… What about your dream?”

His dismissive scoff was very uncharacteristic and it sent a cold shiver down your spine. “I don’t have any dreams…”

Lies. He had dreams. He had to have them, right?

“Even if I did, they don’t matter. They’re nowhere near as important as Kid’s.” He shook his head fiercely, grunting and snarling at the same time.

“Fine, then. What about Kid’s dream?” Once he was safe back on the Victoria, once he was resting in your embrace, or at least within your sight, you could speak calmly about his own dreams. What mattered now was bringing him back.

He stuttered, his mismatched eyes staring back at you, both very uncertain and wounded. “Like this I can only slow him down.” He sounded resigned. “At least they can use me like this. They need me!” He returned to the same line of thought. 

“Kill…” You approached again and he didn’t pull away, so you leaned your face closer to him, focusing on the blue eye, the one that held the soul of the man you loved deep within. “I need you. So, so much.”

As your words reached him, the yellow eye trembled and Killer shut both eyes, cursing and clenching his jaw. Was it working? You just wanted to bring him home. You could all think about the consequences and cures later. He was all that mattered - his safety.

“I go to bed thinking about you;” You placed a rough calloused hand against his tangled hair. “I dream about you;” Another one of your hands cupped his cheek, your thumb tracing his soft lips. God, he was beautiful. “I wake up thinking about you.” With a deep breath you pressed your forehead against his. He shivered, whined and stilled against your touch.

“I love you Kill. I need you. With me, near me! You can’t stay here. The… pack is not your family. The Kid Pirates are.” Could you reach him? Far away in the confines of his mind where he was running to?

When he opened his eyes, there was blue staring back at you. In both of them. There was a tenderness in his gaze, a softness that you didn’t know if it was always there or not, because you had never gazed at his eyes. 

At his beautiful eyes. 

Whispering your name softly, Kill leaned his head slightly, his breath tickling your lips, his warmth warming your heart. 

“I also-...” A deep growl interrupted his sentence. The wolves restarted their howling at the moon and Killer stepped back from you, his hands clutching his head again.

“No, no! Kill, come back! This is not you, we can do this together! Killer!” You pleaded, getting up and trying to reach him once more, but then you noticed - with horror and surprise - that he was, once again, transforming into the beast from before. 

Faster this time, and more complete. He resembled a fully grown wolf. But so much bigger and much more frightening. 

And the way he stared at you stole all the bravado you had left. This was definitely not your Killer. 

When he lunged and struck, you immediately lost consciousness.

-*-

By the time you woke up, you were aboard the Victoria. The ship swayed gently, lulled by the soft waves. Your bed was familiar to you, the briny air of the seawater and the roughness of the sheets waking you up to a throbbing headache.

You opened your eyes slowly, feeling bandages wrapping around your head, with moisture in some places indicating that whatever wound you had was still recent and slightly bleeding.

You winced and closed your eyes again, trying to regain your bearings. 

Until the events of the past night came rushing in, all of a sudden and all at once. Unrelenting, savage, and unbridled images and memories.

And your extremely painful loss.

“Killer!” You grunted as you got up. Everything was still spinning and you didn’t get too far, but someone must’ve been near you to relay the news of your state of consciousness, because after a few moments your captain was by your side. 

Kid donned a more pronounced scowl on his lips, the lines near his eyes deep and worried. He was angry.

Gulping, you realised you had disobeyed his order, last night. 

“Lad.” He barked as he took a seat and you leaned against the bunk bed. “Ya didn’t do as I told ya.”

“I’m sorry, I-...”

“Shut the fuck up, ya speak when I tell ya to.” 

Lowering your head, you nodded while clenching your teeth. “Yes, sir.”

“Ya didn’t do as I told ya, and ya could’ve died. Killer brought ya to Victoria.” You raised your head, already opening your mouth to ask about Killer, but Kid’s look told you that he would not be lenient if you interrupted him again, so you stood still, hanging on every word your captain uttered. “We’re sailing now. He stayed behind. Something about the pack needing him. Ya were right. He turned into a wolf-... werewolf-thing. But he managed to turn back after he hurt ya and came to find us.”

You slumped down on the ground, your knees hitting the hardwood floor as you felt air leaving your lungs in heavy, ragged breaths. 

“He hurt ya. Ya were bleeding so much he thought he killed ya, he was inconsolable. But it turned out ya were only out cold.” Kid sighed as he pressed his flesh index finger and thumb against his nose. “We are finding him a cure. I can guarantee ya that. Even if I have to visit every goddamned island in the world.” Kid clenched his metal fist and you could feel the slight tremble of all the metallic objects around you. “Until then, and until we come back, Killer said to tell ya that he also needs ya and that he’s always thinking about ya too.” When your lower lip trembled, Kid scoffed. “Sappy motherfuckers.”

The air was too thick to inhale. Your breaths were too shallow and the pain in your chest kept building up and up in unrelenting waves. He left you. He stayed behind. 

Yet you mattered to him. He cared about you.

But he was gone. And he was not himself.

“Lad, calm down. I’m upset about this situation too. I hated having to leave him behind.” Kid cursed as he slammed his hand on a desk near him, splinters of wood flying everywhere. “But this was his choice. He didn’t want to endanger anyone on the crew, nor did he want to leave those wolves behind.”

“He’s too good for a fucking pirate…” You muttered against your will, the scowl on your lips deepening as you felt the pricking of tears behind your eyes. 

Kid’s laugh was like a balm to your ears. Kid understood. And he was hurting just as much as you were. “He fucking is, that wanker.” Your captain sighed as he got up. “Once ya’ve rested from that nasty wound, ya have a month of bathroom cleaning duties to attend to, starting today. I’ll figure out the rest of yer punishment as I go.”

You nodded. It was less than you deserved, really. 

But the ache in your chest was terrible and you just wanted to let your sorrow out. Killer was gone from the Victoria and you could barely conceive of a normal life without him by your side. How could you wake up to a cold Killer-less galley? How could you go to sleep without telling him goodnight? 

How were you supposed to live? Period.

“He’s strong. He’ll be fine. And we’ll fix him.” Kid assured you as he got up and placed a hand on your shoulder. However, before he left, you stopped him with your words.

“He told me he didn’t have dreams, that your dream was the only one that mattered, and that he’d only slow you down like this.” You sighed, biting back a sob. “If he realises you’re giving up your dream to find him a cure, he’ll never forgive himself.” You were as sure of this as the sun rising every day.

Kid stood in silence for a moment, his jaw moving as he clenched and unclenched it, tension filling the room. “That fucking arse.” Another scoff. “When we find him a cure and he comes back, I’ll let him know that my dream ain’t worth shit without him by my side. And ya, lad, can show him he’s yer dream. Maybe that’ll keep him focused on himself more.”

Kid was not a man of tender, gentle words. So this soft speech about the man you loved left you speechless. Without another word he left the quarters, leaving you to your misery, probably chasing his own at the bottom of a rum bottle. 

He was right, though. Killer was tough. As tough as they come. And this had been his choice, though it stung a little to know he had chosen to stand by a pack he wasn’t familiar with instead of being with you.

Even if he thought that he was doing it to protect all of you.

Lying back down on the bed you let the beginning of your tears mar your dirt and blood-stricken face. Kid was also right about something else. Killer was your dream. A dream you didn’t think you could fulfil, until he told you otherwise. 

So you would be relentless. You would cross every single island off the map, visit every goddamned civilization there ever was (in the mountains, in the woods, underwater or in the sky) and you would buy, steal, beg and kill, if you had to.

Just to find him a cure.

Just to get your dream back.

That was a vow you didn’t intend to break.

[spot-the-antisemitism]

“pro-Pal” anon - I want to apologize for several things because I clearly communicated poorly

First, I didn’t mean to imply you aren’t Jewish or your perspective isnt! When I said “a Jewish perspective” on the slur usage, all I meant is that I’ve seen Jewish users talk about this as an issue too, not just others watching from the sidelines, and obviously you don’t know who I am so I didn’t want to go “Hi, just butting in with information which is irrelevant to jumblr!” bc I’ve first found these conversations amongst Jewish bloggers, but they haven’t had a gigantic amount of reach to where it’s still commonly used (which is why I’ve seen a couple jumblr blogs make PSAs about it).

Secondly, I also didn’t mean to imply ‘zio’ is 100% directly equivalent etc, and you’re completely right about all of the conspiratorial uses. It’s a horrible word, and nobody should be using it for any purpose, but I guess my phrasing made it come off as assuming you didn’t know that. Clearly you do, because you run this blog and experience this shit firsthand. I truly did not mean to denigrate your lived experience or expertise or imply you don’t know how slurs work or something. The purpose of the comparison was that you know exactly what you’re talking about when it comes to antisemitism (more than me clearly!) so I was trying to think how they’re used in similar ways sometimes (as you acknowledged).

Third, I’m swear not a hamasnik, and I’m not sending this randomly due to tag searching, or mass-asking (I mean; nobody else got that ask), I sent the ask because I’ve been following this enough with multiple people to see that your blog is fairly influential (I see you reblogged on my dash with some frequency), and I genuinely have encountered a fair number of people (of all backgrounds, not singling out Jewish ppl here) who didn’t realize there was a slur within the phrase and went “Oh ok I’ll use a different word.” I was trying to cover my bases in case you were unfamiliar—not with the issues at hand but with a very specific usage of a word used against Palestinians, which is not something tossed at you personally afaik—not to imply you were generally ignorant of racial hatred in some way. The whole point of this blog is that you’re not. If I thought you were it’d be pointless to try.

Thank you for your consideration about using ‘hamasnik’ as an alternative. I completely agree that the Western movement is not pro-Palestine, simply anti-Israel (often extending to anti-Jewish) and those two things are not equivalent. There’s no excuse for the way the ‘movement’ as such has treated and continues to treat Jews, nor for valorizing Hamas’s crimes against humanity.

I will push back on some things you claimed about me though because they are wrong: sending this had NOTHING to do with Sinwar’s death and accusing someone of terror apologia over an ask which did not mention him or Hamas is a big reach. He was a butcher of Israelis and Palestinians alike, a murderer, a rapist, a truly hateful man, and I am glad he can do no more harm in the world. And what it’s worth, I have been called several slurs with some frequency, including as threats of violence and rape said to my face. That I have no experience of oppression not a particularly kind assumption to make about me, and I’m kind of alarmed at how hostile and unnecessary it was to “call me out” as a non-oppressed person. I did not mean to cross such a line as to inspire that reaction, but I won’t lie, it did kind of make me feel like shit.

You obviously don’t have to post this if you don’t want to, all I want to say is I meant no harm, I do NOT support Hamas, but I do support the work you do calling out antisemitism, which is why I was even on your blog and seeing it on others—I genuinely wasn’t sure if you knew because I’ve met people who were surprised to learn it wasn’t just shorthand for “Palestinian” and without that context it sounds harmless. I’m sorry if I came off as condescending (I’ve been told my sentence structure sometimes does when I’m trying to word things very carefully but I’m still figuring out how to avoid it) or confrontational, and again thank you for acknowledging the slurs/their history in your post and for using ‘hamasnik’. The people (mainly white goyim) being antisemitic & racist themselves need to be called out and I’m glad you’re doing it. That said if I upset you enough that you’d like me to not interact with you or view/follow your blog, I will honor that, though I plan to keep following the other Jewish bloggers I do and continue keeping track of rising antisemitism as well as anti-Palestinian hatred. If I’m uneducated and ignorant, I’ll just have to learn more, but if this isn’t the place for me specifically to do it in your opinion, I’ll respect that.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and again, I’m sorry.

Dear "pro-pal is a slur anon",

I have gravely misunderstood your intentions because you came off as very condescending

first, I am aware of what spacelazarwolf said, I follow spacelazarwolf, I had argued at the time it's not a slur when talking about non arab non palestineans. I now see I was wrong and apologize.

Second, thanks for realizing I know more about slurs than you but again I probably shouldn't have dissmissed the palestinean perspective and said I know better, anymore than you shouldn't consider you know. Zio is a slur even when used agaisnt gentiles, Pal/Pali is a slur even when used against non palestineans. We agree

I was already using hamasnik but yeah I should have switched to it sooner, honestly.

"I completely agree that the Western movement is not pro-Palestine, simply anti-Israel (often extending to anti-Jewish) and those two things are not equivalent. There’s no excuse for the way the ‘movement’ as such has treated and continues to treat Jews, nor for valorizing Hamas’s crimes against humanity."

^ this right here

Third, I assumed you weren't trying to reach me but actually condescend and scold me for wrongdoing to discredit me and not in good faith at all. you do not know how many times people claimed i have sexually harrased, abused their cat despite never meeting them that I was racist for "spade", that I could be dissmissed because I cannot spell so "pro-pal is a slur actually" sounded like another reason to discredit me and paint me as evil, racist and uninformed

"And what it’s worth, I have been called several slurs with some frequency, including as threats of violence and rape said to my face. That I have no experience of oppression not a particularly kind assumption to make about me, and I’m kind of alarmed at how hostile and unnecessary it was to “call me out” as a non-oppressed person. I did not mean to cross such a line as to inspire that reaction, but I won’t lie, it did kind of make me feel like shit."

No excuse for saying that.I really need to stop with "ooh you sound like you're not oppressed enough" it's deeply harmful to assume

Sorry for calling you supporter of hamas that was uncalled for. please forgive me. I like when people ask me to condemn Israel it is hypocritical of me to ask you to prove you don't support hamas

"That said if I upset you enough that you’d like me to not interact with you or view/follow your blog, I will honor that, though I plan to keep following the other Jewish bloggers I do and continue keeping track of rising antisemitism as well as anti-Palestinian hatred. If I’m uneducated and ignorant, I’ll just have to learn more,"

While you have deeply offended me and I you in turn, I honestly think if you want to learn, I think talking to me is beneficial to both of us and if you want to keep talking that's up to you

and why on EARTH would I not publish the post exonerating you?

thank you for pushing back,

Cecil

[cubedmango]

hi, long time no message but this is kr anon - i just saw that you recently finished all (?) of build and i wanted to say congrats!! 🎉 and gotta say i really love the gentoku fanart/redraw you posted lmao, that meme really is him to a t (esp. after ep. 20 and before his turning point in like ep. 40) 😭 ngl i did think you would enjoy his overall arc, but i didn't expect you'd be that much of a gentoku stan by the end hfkhjwrfhs good for you though!! (also remember when i brought up aa/build parallels or what aa characters, especially the canon toku fans, would think of build, and i felt like if not misora bc of the similarities they share (more on this another time, though i also think sento and his dad's relationship has shades of maya and mia's relationship with misty), maya would be a fan of [redacted]? yeah i was talking about gentoku lol) and maybe we'll be seeing some more build fanart/content from you soon, if you're up for it? 👀

btw so sorry for the months-long radio silence, but it took far longer than originally expected for me to finish the rest of the show and its movies (excluding the v-cines for now, so you have one over me there lol, plus i also haven't seen the specials/webseries and the build episodes of zi-o, and some of those recent episodes of kr outsiders ig) especially with life getting busier and more hectic for me in general (university life and all), but let me just sum it up for now as me having enjoyed the ride from start to finish, even with some bumps along the way 🥹❤ [1/?]

(rest below)

sadly i don't have time rn to write/share my usual long responses to your commentary and stuff, though i actually started writing a reply to your answers from when i sent my last messages, back in march i think? 😅 i would have loved having more of episodic discussions/episode-by-episode breakdowns with you as you went along, but since you beat me to it by finishing the series on your own (which is totally understandable dw, esp. since i really didn't message you anything for the last several months), it won't be necessary anymore ig but i still want to eventually share that original reply i'd been writing so it won't feel wasted haha, and along with what i'd promised would be my overall review of everything i've seen so far, i'll do my best to send these messages to you by this weekend now 🫡 in the meantime, feel free to rant and ramble about build (like, ryusen truly is one brain chemistry-altering ship for the ages huh... makes me feel very 'go crazy go stupid' 😭) at me, even wrt the stuff i haven't seen yet bc i know the gist of them anyway, and i'll also be sharing some more links to build tumblr posts and tweets like before - though i see you've already started rbing more build fanart and edits (not sure if you based them on what i included in my original compilation though or if you've been combing through the build tumblr tags already?) so i'll have to make sure the ones i'll link rn aren't ones you've rbed already [2/?]

also when you say you think you've finished all of build, does that mean you've seen both hei gen final & forever + the specials/webseries + the build episodes of zi-o? or are you planning to only watch those at a later point, like the movies will be for after you've seen the other seasons they're crossing over with? but also no pressure if you just don't want to watch them rn for whatever reason, but just in case you do want to or you just want to keep the proper order in mind wrt at which point of the main show the specials or movies are situated in if you've seen all or most already (though i assume you've more or less checked the order from when you started watching the spin-offs after finishing the show): [3/?]

eps. 1-14 -> heisei generations final -> eps. 16-19 -> birth! kuma-televi!! vs. kr grease hyper battle dvd -> eps. 20-21 --> raising the hazard level with 7 best matches special & rogue miniseries -> eps. 22-41 -> kr prime rogue hyper battle dvd -> eps. 42-45 -> be the one movie -> eps. 46-49 -> final stage stageplay (though this was technically set during the actual finale, as you've seen) -> eps. 1-2 and eps. 1.5-2.5 of the succeeding season zi-o (since zi-o is basically an anniversary season celebrating 20 kr shows since 2000, thus basically being a giant crossover show like its spiritual predecessor decade and primarily consisting of arcs of like 2-3 episodes paying tribute to a certain season (sometimes actually featuring one or more actors from that season - not necessarily the actor for the mc though - and sometimes not if there are scheduling conflicts, etc.), and so is the 20th and final heisei kr show before zero-one marked the start of reiwa, though the timeline shenanigans here are so wonky and weird that you don't really have to consider these eps. canon if you want)

-> heisei generations forever (officially non-canon to the main timelines of both build and zi-o, though still a good enough homage to build's main story with a decent amount of ryusen) -> build new world: kr cross-z -> i heard the idol otaku is dating his fav special (basically just kazumi/misora nonsense from what i've heard, unfortunately) -> build new world: kr grease (i saw that you weren't keen on both new world movies as most build fans i know also weren't esp. bc of the het shenanigans (+ the weird evolt stuff that i've heard kinda feels like it's invalidating we already saw/learned in the main show, and it feels more like they just brought him back because they were milking his sheer popularity as a kr villain) that are apparently pretty typical of v-cine movies when compared to heavier gay coding in the main shows, sadly, so you can also take a page out of those other fans' book and not consider the nw movies canon or only cherrypicking the elements you like, but wrt the banjou stuff in cross-z specifically, i don't think him and yui are meant to be an unambiguously canon couple the way kazumi/misora and gentoku/sawa became in grease, as you can see a clear difference in how romantic both latter couples acted (even if i don't like both lmao, though i tolerate gentoku/sawa more than i do kazumi/misora simply bc i think g/s has funnier scenes than k/m, even with gentoku's unnecessary sexual proposition towards sawa in ep. 1 back when he was evil) vs. b/y, and also just the way banjou treated kasumi, his only 100% clearly canon girlfriend, vs. how he treated yui up to the end of the movie, and the girlfriend/date/best match comments in the movies seem to feel more like just jokes/trolling in hindsight (esp. since the b/y "date" at the end was literally just them selling stuff *sento* made, like something something sento is always somehow involved with banjou and his girlfriends, or 'girlfriend' in yui's case, so... lol. anyway), and also banjou appears to blatantly check out a shirtless killbas before they find out about him being the villain so ig the bi-coding was technically still going strong, plus the fact that yui just straight up disappears in grease which is supposed to be a direct sequel to cross-z and just isn't mentioned in any way (on which i have some bts info to spill btw, more on that in my next message) while sento and banjou continue to act like partners as usual, and in fact get paired up in a way that sets them alongside the pairing up of k/m and g/s in the same movie - so tl;dr: aside from the fact that we can just straight up ignore those movies, i don't think we have to worry about the yui stuff as a genuine invalidation of ryusen's romantic subtext-that's-practically-text, though it's still unfortunate they tried to pull this shit in the first place even if ultimately very half-assed and halfhearted, and you just kinda have to laugh at the audacity of doing all that *after* banjou made his little speech about sento being his hero, like you said)

-> kr jeanne and kr aguilera with girls remix (a revice spin-off included here on a technicality bc of sawa's presence, along with female characters from a few other kr seasons both in the heisei and reiwa eras alongside the titular female riders who i think i've told you before are the first major example of a lesbian-coded pairing in kr, though iirc they sadly also get hit with some plausible-deniability "they're like family/sisters" comments here though not really in the main show) -> kr outsiders (basically fanservice cash-grab slop from what i've been told that essentially is a suicide squad-esque project where various villains/evil riders from different seasons are assembled to battle a bigger bad guy, and evolt and misora are there in like a couple of episodes so 😔) [4/?]

(also i think there are like a few stageshows - different from the stageplay - that mostly feature the characters as played by suit actors only and are mainly crossovers with other seasons, as seen in this playlist which also includes non-build-related stageshows, youtube . com/playlist?list=PL0DBnMkUNDE3zk9hDvvihG9H_rBv6siTE&si=auHNcClmv4_a93S1, but idk if that covers all of them or if there's some missing, and unfortunately i think most if not all of the videos aren't subbed yet 😅) anyway i'm glad to hear you loved build just like i did, and hope you enjoy the rest of your kr journey! 💕 if you want some recs (for kr or mainstream toku in general), i can give you a brief list based on what i've gathered from other people since i'm also still a beginner for the most part 👍🏼 and thank you so much again in general for entertaining my asks and messages since the beginning last year, i'm just glad to have someone else to talk to about this stuff sjfhfkdhfas [5/?]

the stuff from tumblr: tumblr . com/sleepiestashu/700321086698553344/i-will-never-get-over-this-clip tumblr . com/raimei-p/718407651195748352 tumblr . com/gurayura/638313188734173184 tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/697842377983967232/silverwind-inukai-atsuhiro-kamen-rider-build tumblr . com/gurayura/190258714717 tumblr . com/summerrheannan/175883578861 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705753172018364416 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705934353292836864 tumblr . com/pleuvoire/659804099395600384?source=share tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/706518453622898688 tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/624283580914384896 tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/623545387915083776 tumblr . com/gurayura/190258714717 tumblr . com/keruworld/178191732809/things-that-cant-be-helped-these-two-precious tumblr . com/keshi-zumi/180792173152 tumblr . com/veeranger/179497372829 tumblr . com/keshi-zumi/179900052937/20181109 tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/165057772349/be-the-one tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/172014607710/are-you-ready tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/643767818792370176/had-my-partner-watch-kr-build-and-finish tumblr . com/hiiiiiiiiiiho-blog/187010482966 tumblr . com/tsunflowers/665938709540126720/sento-coded-poses tumblr . com/heartvisor/716129755541405696/whenever-a-weird-t-shirt-crosses-my-dash-i-can tumblr . com/42wv/164432280570/here-comes-dr-pepper tumblr . com/sakurai-keiwa/638006761079685120/so-id-been-watching-kamen-rider tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/697714949310513152 tumblr . com/riderontime/667708174309146624/banjou-introducing-himself tumblr . com/peonypaint/682351924868218880/taking-a-spring-walk-together-id-two-digital tumblr . com/riderontime/668542674347982848/while-i-think-sentou-can-actually-express tumblr . com/yucca-persica/682512948095238146/so-im-continuing-my-kamen-rider-journey-and tumblr . com/sakura-neko6/679805498986463232/%E3%81%A1%E3%81%A3%E3%81%A1%E3%82%83%E3%81%84%E3%83%99%E3%82%B9%E3%83%88%E3%83%9E%E3%83%83%E3%83%81-small-best-match-boys tumblr . com/sakura-neko6/682522776141266944 tumblr . com/angeli-cal/681830647152672768/made-this-for-my-boyfriend-and-im-super-proud-of tumblr . com/jade-lop/680046866647449600 tumblr . com/meiuya/679835343407693824 tumblr . com/aokisouta/647356801407434753/best-match-rooftop-cinematic-universe-kamen tumblr . com/gurayura/644571893590032384 tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/643229452004999168/is-he-yknow-mimics-sento-sitting-on-the tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/641224933913083904/delighted-by-the-sento-on-this-shirt-design-3 tumblr . com/gurayura/642737313511866368/because-queenvernage-likes-nose-kisses tumblr . com/chilipepperconverse/749698516994129920/started-a-build-rewatch?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/649592805251022848?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/173938637978/i-should-be-working-right-now-x?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/176282612867?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/182461346822?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/728992489454845954?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/173803704162/sawatari-kazumi-specific-farming-memes?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/177176575102?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/171151040612/the-real-joke-is-that-banjou-isnt-straight-but?source=share tumblr . com/skeletonflower/747697203006554112/rabbit-tank-sparkling?source=share tumblr . com/m1ontee/746695053897089024/hazard?source=share tumblr . com/cina-full-moon-xanadium/747038237131997184/maekawas-6-year-old-son-sitting-down-to-watch-the?source=share tumblr . com/cina-full-moon-xanadium/747037066263756800?source=share tumblr . com/backtornado/176039367474/build-characters-react-to-you-contracting?source=share tumblr . com/number-one-toku-robot-lover/699306511051227137/sorry-but-timetoddddavis-s-tags-on-this-post (ngl seeing this post makes me tear up every time 🥺) tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/180418205938?source=share (this shit goes so crazy like dhfjgwsjnfs) [6/?]

the stuff from twitter: twitter . com/funkyfunkyradio/status/1779275103596847521?t=psnLYCbT5mZCw4faWyfIZQ&s=19 twitter . com/Ponzu_SHT/status/1781660945946989008?t=Pg4sEboZIQN5vckidseaAA&s=19 twitter . com/KRfights/status/1783857906238079024?t=R1SvsO46XJLL7MxAtzipqw&s=19 (the card in the pic is merch following the Chemy card gimmick of the 2023-2024 season Gotchard, since iirc every new season tends to release merch for previous seasons based on their current gimmick) twitter . com/spidergenome/status/1744784670477386169?t=-1tjcLDe9zG4jLBvqVT2_A&s=19 twitter . com/cynonic/status/1707816360146039062?t=kDrhlIdwWRo0785HtrFqMQ&s=19 twitter . com/YRXCL/status/983380559182282752?t=JGM8aE0XtgCXqJwHcxiUxw&s=19 twitter . com/___racccoon/status/1510534991477805057?t=smM_s1knTKq2uNmv7NDwwg&s=19 twitter . com/JONA0207DIO/status/1643296242536153088?t=IeCo7FtikefmBIAWVDGBxQ&s=19 twitter . com/8038_2gou/status/1750502615866339675?t=5biOP7Vg4ePOwZzeNXlo1A&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1456516201769623554?t=eMZUeWioRHpiaViI6LRWjw&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1438183667663204356?t=-zj-0yFcvZdmlFg8691cpw&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1756927961461395601?t=o3T10kxtFYEQZShzSrG6Vg&s=19 twitter . com/yuro_yuro_yuro/status/1754065358775038247?t=ZPaPsx3ttai0AotqTKHeOg&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1755964588338930078?t=R5IgHSGIJvJN5wTqAmbSoQ&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756108264259940752?t=HWKUDpWv2ne6bufIxB7ZBQ&s=19 twitter . com/ichippon/status/1745683922086682872?t=XARw2xrhfsvcAPA-uH1xaA&s=19 twitter . com/00x_sio/status/1757760751375421810?t=wbODL8gTEL-RKEwbUZfIFQ&s=19 twitter . com/___racccoon/status/1535042965160067072?t=Qcj6PG8TGaTQWeBS8XUsYQ&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1757767410537353382?t=9h2DHOKD_5gqzvv1JXPjVg&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756800454690852966?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756695765785727082?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756449394038116785?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1757896417312477291?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1758616156921876588?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1759347800146428012?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1761149499076981106?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1759592516599296272?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/totome_17/status/1757758979579724080?t=0w9ZYUUT0MdIco4qbYNnQQ&s=19 twitter . com/1010_mumumu/status/1735287016181694882?t=3tRVABh9xFYcpj-zxECjYA&s=19 twitter . com/sasakura34/status/1672218720599683072?t=fgsjGz7n5F-fI56t5t84Cw&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1669966178591346688?t=tM0nhcJVzlnRF63tEQt0xA&s=19 twitter . com/itotk32/status/1644461276071084033?t=A9srwyexOeq1TdYLz1P_VQ&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1667937476856659968?t=BN0OxLfsms8b-R3mUmt-aw&s=19 twitter . com/fanzhazhazha1/status/1668911037687689217?t=UmIoxUEBwiUc6ZehH09wWA&s=19 twitter . com/Heyear_0609/status/1668270429142675457?t=hP7Tx-xWtjB1nANSPg5abQ&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1620039685920935938?t=vPBjNykZU10DXr1l9YkrWg&s=19 twitter . com/oi_nanndedayo/status/1737450554857812029?t=_QAjrtWq-gJFSkY_2Zi2dQ&s=19 twitter . com/oi_nanndedayo/status/1740709126882365594?t=epUZbphcvxvt0dp3YvtHFg&s=19 twitter . com/KRfights/status/1758546842181063053?t=KbhACtwcvenQSfxmHL7wUQ&s=19 twitter . com/GaMwanG_/status/1759600273763545282?t=eSIBTzMbNDQRPjH9sBPe7g&s=19 twitter . com/st05_uoxou/status/1758821836127957202?t=gIUzv9uALvzjQCJ2Dl2vnA&s=19 twitter . com/mysillycomics/status/1235409655532269568?t=y36Wzm7AIrpelkicXlWfZw&s=19 [7/?]

also i noticed you rbed the ryusen cake by the ocean edit, so i'm linking 2 other edits from the same user (i shared one of them before but idk if you saw them since they might have gotten buried under everything else, so sharing them again just in case): tumblr . com/shirleyjakcson/654666138019594240/i-dont-know-about-this-power-of-science-stuff-you?source=share tumblr . com/shirleyjakcson/654696259298476032/dragon-rabbit-theres-no-way-a-combination-like?source=share and there's also this video that i linked in one of my earliest messages, since i also don't know if you've already seen it youtu . be/-Gjzr5HmmfY?si=-RhP-86SUOTs8Uic and from the same user, here's an out-of-context edit that's a 'comprehensive guide' to kr (aka memes summing up each rider mentioned in the song, which is an abridged version of 'george karizaki's rider system,' a character song for the guy of the same name from the season revice in honor of revice airing in 2021 - kr's 50th anniversary - and which is sung by his actor hamao noritaka and basically lists every rider in the showa era, every primary and secondary rider in the heisei era (excluding kuuga bc no secondary rider in the first place) and for the first 2 seasons in the reiwa era, and every rider in revice's main show), in case you want to pick your next kr season instead based on a meme you want to understand here lol youtu . be/N6zw0IGkUFY?si=fbCsMgploCWMuI0m and since the video doesn't have subs, this page has the lyrics so you can keep up with which rider is which: kamenrider . fandom.com/wiki/George_Karizaki%27s_Rider_System [7/?]

also i think i forgot to mention way before that kasumi's actor risako ito is also known for starring in the 'long long man' commercial, which also aired in 2017 (assuming you don't know about it already as well), and well i just find it funny that apparently this is the kind of stuff she finds herself drawn to acting in like ajfhkjwshs youtu . be/6-1Ue0FFrHY?si=kjyG9FzsqwwVN6a8 and if you want fic recs, i'll just link them next time since these messages are getting longer than i anticipated again (assuming you haven't been reading fics already, too) and a couple more accounts you might want to check out on twitter: the daily build twitter account @ daily__build which posts pictures of the cast both in-character and as themselves (some of which were already in the tumblr posts i shared earlier), which hadn't been updating for a while bc it's run by a brazilian but now it's back, happily + @ tokustats, a lot of whose tweets i included in my previous link compilation, and it's basically sports graphics (mainly nba i think?) edited to fit various toku shows (i think they linked all their build graphics in one thread, but you can also search for the graphics with the hashtag kamenriderbuild). anyway i hope this isn't too overwhelming for you, and feel free as well to take your time in checking everything out :-) [8/8]

KR ANON!! WOAH HI !!!! omg its so great to hear from u again, i hope ur doing good and ur university stuff is going well, it sounds v busy akfjdskjf i understand the grind 100% 😔

as for the stuff ive watched, i finished the main eps first and then went for basically everything i could find that i knew had the build charas/story involved, so the only stuff from everything u mentioned that im missing are the 4 eps from zi-o, the revice spinoff, outsiders and the stageshows. i was thinking of leaving the crossover movies for later at first but then i also didnt wanna wait for if/when i watch ex-aid or zi-o so i just went for them (esp since u mentioned banjou chara development for one of them which i was Rlly curious about) and i enjoyed both, non-canon as they might be akfjdksf.. i think ill check out those zi-o eps but i probs wont watch the whole show (yet at least)

but yeah it rlly was a rollercoaster holy shit that entire final arc in the show was fucked up and evil?? in the best way possible??? i was crying literally the entire last three eps help ... the silly little rabbit w a death wish was too real...... i def saw what u meant by the end bit being weaker but honestly it didnt feel too bad to me, it probably wouldve been better executed if they had more eps to work w (which ik are strictly consistent for every season) + those actors that werent able to film, but i feel like for what they had to work with they did a rlly good job bc i was still hooked and Invested(tm)

i only got to the other stuff afterwards so i didnt rlly watch the whole story in chronological order (which. i probs shouldve???) but i did enjoy those a lot too esp the second stage play as u already saw akfjdksjfkds that and be the one were.... man....... the found family. the ryusen. Kiryuu Fucking Sento. Good Lord. i dont think ill ever recover from the rain and the music box and 'hes my precious partner, our relationship wasnt a fabrication' that was worse than getting stabbed i think

also the rogue spinoff like i went in already liking gentokus chara a Lot after seeing the whole story so i was biased but i think they showed his desperation and spiral into insanity (? if it makes sense) rlly well there, it was def a lot more brutal but somehow i ended up liking the fight scenes in there more than the main story ones maybe bc they didnt have much of the cgi? either way it was a good insight into gentokus past/chara (and a little bit of takumis too who i always like seeing) and now i can Genuinely put him in the 'poor little meow meow who killed people' box so yay :) my silly shirt man i care him :)

then theres the new world movies which.....sigh......... Yeah............ those sure were movies ......... the comphet honestly didnt even bother me that much bc im so used to ignoring when writers pull shit like that (tho the whole banjou/yui thing did give me a fic idea in a way that i started outlining afkjdksgj) but the way they just undid the entire logic of the new world with the point of it being that its entire existence is only possible w evolt and the pandora box no longer existing is just. Eugh. like i get they have to have some sort of villains bc this is toku and the action has to be there but it just makes no sense in the sequel setting where its supposed to be A Normal World.??? we couldve had two movies about ryusen navigating life in this world and slowly finding their family again or smth like that but nope. kill the canon with rocks who even cares /s

anyway yeah i did enjoy the ride overall and im feeling very unwell over these guys so thank u sm again for recommending build it was a great time even tho i took . fucking forever to finish it 😭 also im super down to watch more so if u have recommendations for any other ones pls do share!! one of my mutuals also recd den-o and ryuki so i might go for one of those next and maybe ex-aid too later, but yea if theres any show besides those u think are good id love more recs 👀 ill be looking forward to the review u wanted to send me earlier too im super interested in what u thought abt it

[felixir]

You don’t need to post this. Just want to offer you support. It’s brave to stand up for what you believe in when others offer you violence and hatred. You’ve opened yourself up to abuse because you are standing up against a very powerful and dangerous entity. I’m sorry if any of that abuse has had any sort of negative effect on you. Wishing you the best

I don't get asks like I used to, so this honestly means so much to me. 🥹 I got a few, recently, but I never know what to say or how to say it, or if I do, I think "I'll get to that later", but I never do because I actually suck. 😭 I have several anons from years ago that I wasn't sure how to respond to, so they've just been sitting unanswered in my inbox forever.

So far, I've had 2 or 3 people insult me, and I lost 5 followers. One person told me I'm not human, and another person told me I deserve to die. I'd really hate to see what they'd say or do if I told them I have Jewish ancestry on my father's side.

I've also been blocked by so many STAY that all the Stray Kids tags I follow have been dormant.

I've always been very strong willed and stubborn, and I've never followed the crowd. I could never imagine being so immersed in propaganda and political bias to the point that it controls my life, choices, and relationships. I know that what I say and what I do won't make a difference because I'm just one person, but those of us who don't follow the majority or allow ourselves to be controlled by the media need to start fighting back. They want those who dare to challenge their belief system to remain silent and cower beneath them and I refuse to comply. They want to say and do whatever they want without a dissenting opinion because they can't handle that. They won't "tolerate" it, and they don't "accept" us.

They say, "You can't fight with the devil." And while that may be true for a lot of cases, I don't believe it means that we shouldn't fight at all.

We need to step up and start raising our voices the same way that they do. We need to fight for humanity and defend the truth.

I definitely went off the rails here, but I truly appreciate your words and support. 🫂❤️

[suguwu]

your writing is so good that i just need to put it under a microscope and analyse it for hours and hours. you write bars in ever paragraphs of your fics.

for you, it could be writing down a random blurb.. but to me, it's a life changing quote that i had to pause my reality for — and just. Let. it Sink. in.

i really love your writing so much... and i don't think that in itself encapsulates how much i genuinely truthfully and wholeheartedly love it. like it is so.. profound to me. you use minimal yet 'just right' amount of words/phrases/metaphors to express such deep emotions. you describe everything so deeply — in a resonating way. the way you write is truly an art.. like it should be put up at museums, it should be considered literary masterpieces.. i just want to study then for hours and hours.

i am both grateful and hurt that i can read such good characterization and breezy flow.. such amazing writing that fills me with genuine emotion and thought - for free ..on tumblr dot com.. like wow.. just wow. also i'm really sorry if this was all random and if i rambled too much.. it's 3am and i have work tomorrow but i really wanted to express this. i wanted to personally sit and scream in the tags of your works and word out my individual thoughts but i thought that might come across as annoying so i stopped myself lmao but it's just — i really fucking love the way you write. i’ve read so many pieces of yours and i just keep getting more and more stunned. you may have a literature degree but i think i need to get one just to study your works in an even deeper level. because i really want to. i want to engrave each one of your phrases that hit me deeply in the depths of my soul and stars at them forever. anyway i think you're really cool haha and sorry this came out longer than intended

oh anon. oh anon. 🥺🥺🥺

i wish i had better words for how much this means to me because it is so incredibly kind and also has me very much in my feelings. please don't apologize because this meant my month started off beautifully. i was going to hoard this and read it over and over again (i've already read it countless times) but i had to sit down and express myself (badly) about it.

i think what most writers want to have more than anything is an impact and the idea that my writing has impacted you in such a way is just so stunning and mind-boggling to me!! i truly cannot say how much this means to me.

also please know that you are always welcome to scream in the tags!!! it is not annoying at all—in fact i treasure it! (i have a whole album full of screenshots of kind tags lmao.) but only if you're comfortable!!

thank you so much for taking the time to send this to me!!! it really has made my week & my month during a time where i'm struggling 💞💞💞💞

i hope you went to bed soon after tho 3am is so late!!

[temporarilyunstable]

Hi, I like your cover pic. Are you a fan of ShizuAka? Do you think the show is pushing them as a couple? Since they have a not so big age gap? Compare to Kogami?

Hello! Yes I am a HUGE fan... I shipped them since this scene when PPFI premiered:

I was alone for a bit and was a little afraid to talk about them and then a few months later some fans started to notice it too (@oatbrew answering a bunch of asks a few months after PPFI aired, one of which was anon sent by @shikkokans who is probably my closest sounding board when it comes to shizuaka these days whoops I went on a tangent). Anyway, Jay's answers and the awakened interest in it gave me a bit of courage to be embarrassingly annoying about them and began using the tag shizuaka (chose that over akashizu bec it sounded weird lol), then I began writing fics and shoving it down everyone's throats (this is mostly on twitter but i do occasionally do it here as well 🤪).

To be honest I think it's too early to say anything about shizuaka, but I'm not gonna lie, the possibilities are there— I can talk about them so much especially the supplementary materials (novels, deleted script, profiling 3) that I think were purposely removed from the show (OR intentionally added bec these were published after the show aired— could be either) but for now it's nothing. And, well I always like to say there's nothing there, but there's everything to jump off from, if that makes sense. Doesn't take a lot for me to ship but for me to ship this hard it's because there's solid potential and I can't unsee the connections... sorry for being vague! It's because shizuaka is such a small ship right now and I have so much fun with it, I have already seen some fans who mock it because it's a threat to koaka if it does happen. I never stopped shipping koaka, just been shipping them differently from before and with shizuaka I truly don't mind sharing with people who are genuinely interested and not here to yuck my yum, know what I mean?

I will say this. If last March 27, 2020 I called it a crack ship, I cannot, in all my capacity as an audience and a PP fan be able to say the same about them with the information I have now. I'm sorry for the long non-answer but you got me started and I just love them so much so sorry if this is annoying to read... if you're still interested please send me another ask and I'll be happy to elaborate 😊.

As for the "pushing", I think that anyone who walks into psycho pass expecting romance and specially those really seeking validation through "canon status" is setting themselves up for disappointment (not saying you are by the way, this is just a general observation). PP is really not that kind of show. The best any ship fan could hope for is screen time - and meaningful screen time at that. This is why koaka is the most popular ship (in non-JP speaking countries), because despite the fact that creators can say what their intentions were (eg koaka are platonic comrade buddies) and the audience absolutely refusing to see otherwise, the story has already established koaka's relationship to be the most important of the series so far. The audience can make of that what they will, the creators are not stopping fans from doing so buuuuut I also get this feeling they're the kind of team who do not want their intentions to be brushed over by fans hence the "course-correcting" that happened in the midst of promoting PPP (note: THIS IS JUST MY INTERPRETATION).

In any case, PP never explicitly depicts romance, and you can count with your fingers ON ONE HAND the actual romantic scenes—by this I mean literal canon— not romantic as interpreted by fans. So no, I don't think the show is pushing for any ship at all, regardless of any age gaps. What I can guarantee is that the marketing team will sure as hell use that sweet sweet shipping fuel to earn a bit more money from merchandise sales 😉.

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Thank you aeron, I wish i wasn't like this in the first place but unfortunately here we are (not that i mean that against anyone else just myself) you definitely think im more amazing than i am, i just see it as like 'that thing i cant get rid of'

i tried to bring it up again but one of them apologised for being grouchy...lets see how long this lasts but the others don’t know and i upset one of them accidentally today in a gc so now i feel bad and like i cant bring anything up

one of my irls knew i read fanfics and i sent the tags of lady oswald (told you that was my fav fic) to a friend - who tbf already has an inkling but i keep brushing it off - they reverse image searched it and ended up reading more doctor who stuff than i did LOL i stick/stuck pretty much to my sweet sweet clara content whereas theyre in love with half the cast

hopefully they never see this ask! that will be v embarrassing

yeah im gonna call it gopiss girl 🫶

hope your food was nice!

nah my family are all outwardly homophobic (well, they pretend to be okay with it as long as its not in their family type of thing, they pride themselves on having a straight lineage and take bets on which family member will be the first one to come out as gay, and like, whisper about whos a secret gay its ridiculous) long story short it was definitely homophobically intented, but wtf does a gay person smell like, like if i have to define a gay smell i just start thinking of sweet, floral perfumes because thats the smell id be breathing in if i was cuddling with a girl (which part of me longs for but also part of me despises that i long for)

sorry again about the clara thing i feel bad for sending you so many clara requests and your writing is so good i just want more 😭 its my little escape for the world where i don’t have to be seen by anyone and no one can see me hence why i am a (hopefully) lovely anon instead

also on your page saw that gif thats like 'i am a f*cking star!* me i am star

oh cool! with the pronouns thing that sounds cool yeah i have no idea about gender ive had people explain it to me like 20 times i don’t think i will ever truly wrap my head around it but i try to be supportive

i know what a lavender marriage is id just be so concerned that everyone would think my husband is gay or that i would be so paranoid all the time that people would know, yknow - ugh its frustrating im just like, trying to figure out whether to sort of go down the get married traditionally and just be fruity secretly in my head, resign myself to being single forever or be in a lavender marriage but then again no one wants to be in one of those because they'll want to come out at some point and then it makes the girl look dumb or vice versa, and then if they're with someone romantically then you just feel like an idiot idk

sorry this is such a yap ive had a tough day

also thar description of demi kinda soudns like me i literally freak out anything to do with sex im like someones attractive but without clothes im just like 🏃‍♀️‍➡️ like i want it but im so terrified so idek

sending you love aeron and idk where sparkle went love you too

your fics are great aeron if you need validation there you go <3

- ⭐

I completely get what you mean, and I know this is such a tired and overused saying but your feelings ARE important and they DO matter, even if some people can't seem that 🫶

Okay but your friend being in love with half the cast of doctor who is so real because me too honestly 😭 and every time you mention a fic of mine that you love it always fills me with such joy even if you've already said it before 🥰

Gopiss girl 😭😭 I can't

It was!! It didn't last long though because I was hungry lmao

I also thought of floral scents for some reason when I thought of something "smelling gay" idk why either

It's not a problem at all, I promise! I don't mind writing a lot for clara because I also love her and I know it makes you happy which is the goal with my writing 🫶

That quote's always going to remind me of you from now on haha

I get it completely! I think it's okay to not understand something as long as you're supportive and respectful, which you are 🥰

It's completely okay to yap, and I get it. I just hope that someday you're able to get the happy ending you want without having to compromise or feel guilty because you definitely deserve that ❤️

See I didn't think I was demi either until I really looked into it and compared what it meant to what I feel and that's how I was like "Oh yeah I think that might be me" lmao

And you're so sweet star anon thank you so very much <3

[wandapinkay]

HIIIII it's friendly anon back again!! ヾ(ゝω・)ノ

the pleasure is all mine, i assure you! :D i was a bit apprehensive to drop in your inbox at first - since i'm not well-versed in self-shipping culture and ask culture on this site is tragically dead - but i got a cool new parasocial friendship out of it and i discovered a new and exciting way to consume media and enjoy characters, so i'm glad that i did!! \^o^/ it took me a long time to realize it, but i truly think self-shipping was the last piece of the puzzle that i was missing in my previous hyperfixations. so what if that man is fictional, what do you mean he can't be mine??

in other news, i've already gotten four of my friends to watch steins;gate and i also recently convinced my sister and her husband to give it a try! i have rewatched the entire show three times alone this month, i am fully insane 🙏

WAITTTT THOSE CATBOY EDITS ARE SO CUTE ACTUALLY 🥺🥺i'm so impressed with how authentic they look, how did you capture the steins;gate style so well?? the second one on particular looks so real, suddenly i'm convinced daru was a catboy the whole time and i just never noticed lol

MAD respect for that 200-unit daru pic collection btw, i've been deep-diving in the darkest corners of the internet for fanart of okabe and i have found some amazing comics featuring daru that made me think of you ( ¯ ³¯)♡! on that note, i've also seen some very sweet drawings of daru with baby suzuha which, out of curiosity, made me wonder what your thoughts on them are together as father and daughter! i adore them honestly, but i'm curious to know if you feel differently about them since you self-ship with daru! i've seen a couple selfshippers in another fandom i frequent who have drawn fankids with their f/o's before and that got me wondering since suzuha is a unique case :)

ASDFJAKSFKSF YES THAT WAS THE NAME OF THE VN idk why i called it that, i think someone else called it that in a reddit post-

nevertheless, my point stands. i cannot even begin to express my disappointment that we didn't get to see daru OR okabe in a maid outfit. heck, we didn't even get to see daru in his penguin suit (though the fact that he was really popular in it made me cackle)! i mean it when i say that if the devs hadn't been cowards and gave us frilly daru and okabe, i would not have looked even twice at the girls. the men yearn for the frills!!! \o/

wahhhh you really are so nice, i appreciate you a bunch :) :) and wow, i thought for sure you'd been part of the community for longer than a year, you seem so comfortable here! was it easy for you to get settled in the community? you've been so nice, but i'm a bit scared to dip my toes in the self-shipping tag if you have any advice👉👈 (thank you again for being so kind and accommodating!! ^^;)

I DID, I SAID THE LINE!! WHERE IS MY PRIZE

your message has been delivered and summarily ignored except for the kiss which he accepted with dignity :3

to sign off, i am blowing both you and daru a pair of friendly kisses! i wish you both a very good night AND OH MAN I ALMOST FORGOT IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY IN TWO DAYS??? in that case, i wish you both a good night AND a wonderful valentine's day if you have any plans!!

thank you again for reading!! i will most assuredly be back if i am still welcome! (ᴗ͈ ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

OMG HI ONCE AGAIN!! SO SORRY IF I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER YOUR ASK, I WAS BUSYY 😭 Still so happy for the fact you're enjoying your new hobbie, I think everyone should try selfshipping at least once in their lives.. and woAHH amazing steins;gate propaganda you've done there! Wish I could do that to most of my friends but some have already seen it ages ago and some aren't just interested so I just kinda gave up HFH ALSO HOOOLY and I thought finishing the series in like,, 2 months was mental but you got me there I'm honest /lh I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT?? I just kinda went with it by using a small brush with no pressure and blurring out everything a little bit so it matched the og pic's quality I suppose?? I'm happy you think they seem legit, I did my job well then ; u ; <3 OMG THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU THOUGHH 🥺🥺 now you got me curious on which ones you're referring to waa.. ALSO UMM.. ABOUT SUZUHA- I had a few concepts for how my relationship with Daru would work in-universe.. so I made a couple of them: one is the "good" ending I guess, while another is just "angst™"

.. yeah, can you tell I felt awful while coming up with the second one? GDGSFGFSD IT'S FINE THOUGH, I'M OK NOW But this is besides the point; I actually really love Suzuha's character and I prefer her over the other girls.. and my favorite dynamic is hers with Daru and Yuki (ironically).. seeing Daru being a dad melts my heart because sometimes I wish I had a father figure as sweet as he is aaa I prefer to see myself with Daru than project myself onto Yuki though, because I'd treat him differently than he does sometimes if I gotta be honest Still, hope you like the silly ideas- WAIT,, UH?? DARU HAS A PENGUIN SUIT?? I NEED TO SEE IT SO BADD 😭😭 Also fr, why can't they just satisfy the boy's fans for once,, I feel like they're leaving us out on purpose at this point- /j

Btw, for the selfship community part, I didn't really do much! I just started to post my artwork in the tag and started following and interacting with some peeps, although rarely because I'm still akward about it, but the people in it are so nice!! In my opinion, it's worth a shot!

Also thank you so much!! I hope you had a great Valentine's day with Okabe as well, sending you kisses as well! I posted a fanart that is kinda vday themed but nothing selfshippy unfortunately, but me and Daru would have probably chilled at home, exchanging eachother chocolates and stuff like that! Idk, I'm not a very "outside" person but if we had in plan to go somewhere like the May Queen to get something together, I wouldn't have minded either!

Of course you're welcome to come back, it's always a pleasure! Since I don't get asks often, it brightens up my day to see something in my inbox once in a while, so thank you still for feeling comfy enough to come back! Have a great day/night! 💕💕

[dogcopter]

hey ngl the emotional impact of rose's death feels important to the show and it's honestly really upsetting to see the rose is alive theory around

You need to stay away from this blog or block it then. This is how I read this ask: “I can’t imagine Rose being alive in Steven Universe because of the significance of her death in the story, so it upsets me to see your posts speculating that she might not be dead.”

Your feelings are valid. Telling me about them like this is inappropriate. I’m not responsible for how you feel about this theory. There’s no solution I can offer in an ask, because most of my blog is Rose is alive theory and will continue to be. I don’t know if you intended to suggest that I should stop posting about it, but ofc I won’t. I’m doing my own thing, and I have the right to share my thoughts even if they bother you. If you are on my blog, you will see Rose is alive theory posts. If seeing those posts is upsetting, you will be upset. Ergo, please GTFO, with all my love!!

[randomfandomimagine]

Meeting Doc (Marty McFly x Reader)

Characters: Marty McFly, Emmet ‘Doc’ Brown

Fandom: Back to the Future

Tags: Meeting the family

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,4k words

Requested by (Marty) anon: hey Trish!! would you be up for a Marty ficlet where he takes reader (his s/o) with him to meet Doc, and Doc's kind of apprehensive and protective of Marty at first but after awhile he warms up to reader and they all just end up goofing off together at the end? have a wonderful day :)

Link: AO3

A/N: Here it is! I hope you like it, lovely! It was fun to write and to explore this side of the characters!

Reblogs and comments are appreciated!! // Masterlist

Marty McFly x Gender Neutral Reader

Everyone in Hill Valley had heard about Doctor Brown. He was the strange scientist of the town. Some called him crazy and some called him dangerous. Being Marty McFly’s partner, though, you pictured a very different version of that same man.

In Marty’s eyes, Doc was a genius. He was a misunderstood person who was in love with science and very passionate about it, constantly trying out new inventions that would quench his curiosity and help the world.

Perhaps none of those versions were true, but merely the projections of the people that looked at him. Nonetheless, you were more inclined to believe Marty than everyone else. Of course, it helped that Marty was your boyfriend, but Doc didn’t seem dangerous. At the very least, he was a very interesting and unique person that you couldn’t wait to meet.

“Okay” Marty stopped before Doc’s residence, licking his lips and turning to you.

You didn’t know who was more nervous about this meeting, you or Marty. Although you weren’t sure if you would make a good first impression, it was clear that this was very important to Marty too. The both of you were the most important people in his life, and he couldn’t bear the thought of you two not getting along.

“Okay….” He repeated, taking a deep breath. “Are you ready, Y/N?”

“Yeah” You smiled at him and took his hand. “I’m excited to meet him”

“Now, before we come in…” Marty paused, lifting your hand and patting it. “You know Doc’s a little...”

“What?”

“Well… you may think he’s a bit… wacky”

“So I heard”

“Yeah, I know, but…” Marty kept playing with your hand, moving it around as he tried to push out any of his nervous energy. “It takes a bit to really get him, you know? But once you do, he’s the best”

“What are you trying to say?”  

“He’s just different from everyone else in Hill Valley”

“Marty” You patiently said, returning to your sweet smile. “I know what people say about Doc, and it doesn’t bother me”

“Really?” He finally smiled, sighing in relief once you eased his fear.

“Yeah, he might be different, but that just means he’s not boring” You paused, watching how his tense shoulders relaxed slightly. “I want to meet him, and not just because you want me to. I want to meet your friend, who also happens to seem like a very interesting person”

“You’re the best” Marty leaned in to kiss you in the cheek. “Let’s come in then”

You took a deep breath as he opened the door for you. Immediately, you were received with a very different environment than the one you were just in outside of the house. The entire room was dark and felt heavy with electricity. It also smelled slightly like chemicals.

A sudden fear reached you once you realized you knew nothing about science. What if you had nothing in common with Doc to get along with him? It would break Marty’s heart if you two just stood there awkwardly.

“Doc?” He called out, bringing you back to reality as he tugged at your hand, directing you with him through the messy house. “Doc, we’re here!”

After some rustling, footsteps were heard. A tall man with disheveled white hair appeared wearing a white lab coat, with wide eyes and goggles over his forehead.

“Great Scott!” The man muttered, quickly looking at his wristwatch. “Is it time already?”

“Yeah” Marty put his hands on your shoulders. “Y/N is here”

“Doctor Brown!” You smiled at him, offering your hand. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Marty has told me all about you”

The man stayed distant for a moment as he carefully watched you.

“Yeah, yeah…” He dryly said, absently shaking your hand. “You too”

“Y/N was really excited to meet you, Doc” Marty beamed, shaking you around a little as though passing over to you more of that excitement.

The man only nodded, lifting his chin up and looking down at you. His brown eyes were filled with distrust. Suddenly, that eagerness you felt died down. Instead, it was replaced by a cold disappointment.

Marty had talked so highly of Doc that you thought he was one of the best people in Hill Valley. However, now that you had met him in person, he behaved in a petty manner.

“Tell me, how long have you and Marty been together?” He then asked, to make matters worse. His tone was harsh and judgmental.

“Doc…” Marty complained, but you answered the question nonetheless.

“Almost a year”

“Do you get good grades?”

“Doc!”

The man shut his mouth, looking at his friend in startle. You clenched your jaw, standing up straight to show him you weren’t intimidated by his questioning.

“Is this an interview?” You demanded to know, forcing him to face you.

The two of you glared at each other, further challenging one another. You could feel Marty’s eyes moving from him to you. He stirred in the spot before finally piping up.

“Uh… y-you know what?” Marty nervously said, passing a hand through his hair. “Why don’t I show Y/N that thing you invented? You know, that gadget thingy”

“Very well” Doc replied without glancing at him, too busy staring at you.

“I’ll be right back!” Marty exclaimed as he ran off, trying to take as little time away from you as possible.

As soon as your boyfriend disappeared in the next room, you acquired a defensive stance to mask your outrage. No matter how smart ‘Doc’ was, you weren’t going to let him do that.

“Doctor Brown” You gravely began. “With all due respect, I don’t know what your problem with me is, and I honestly don’t care. I think we should put our differences aside for Marty’s sake”

He opened his mouth to reply, but you interrupted, foreseeing a complaint.

“If you don’t like me for, that’s alright” You continued, peering up at him to meet his tall stature. “But it’s very important to Marty that we get along, so I suggest you do it for him if you really care so much about him”

The scientist stared at you in awe. After a moment of surprise, he smiled at you.

“You are absolutely right”

“T-Thank you”

“I apologize, it was unfair of me to treat you like that” Doc bowed his head down as a sign of respect. “I was only looking out for Marty, but if you truly care so much about him, I must have been too quick to judge you”

“Of course I care about Marty!” You loudly said, lowering your tone when you realized he might return soon. “That is why I wanted to meet you on the first place, Doctor Brown!”

“As did I” He sighed, shaking his head to himself. “Forgive me, Y/N, I merely wanted to ensure you were good for Marty. He is an extraordinary young man and he deserves the very best”

“I agree” Now that the tension had dissipated, a more comfortable silence established. However, you crossed your arms, trying to appear nonchalant. “And well… am I good for him?”

“I’m here!” Marty arrived just then, interrupting the scientist before he could reply. However, the smile in his lips was answer enough.

“Ah, thank you, Marty” He said instead, taking a small oval shaped gadget from him.

“What were you talking about?” The young man looked from one to the other again.

“I was telling Y/N that… I was frustrated with a project… but that is no excuse, I still shouldn’t have taken it out on you, I’m sorry”

“Thank you. And it’s alright”

“Allow me to start again” Doc cleared his throat, offering you his hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Y/N. I’m Doctor Emmett Brown, but you can call me Emmett”

“It’s nice to meet you, Emmett” You replied with a smile, giving his hand a firm but gentle shake.

A pause followed. Watching Marty with the corner of your eye, you realized he was smiling wide and had the emotion reflected in his eyes. You smiled to yourself.

“Tell me, Y/N” Emmett then said, motioning in a friendly gesture. “Would you like to know how my invention works?”

“I would love to” You took Marty’s hand, following Doc as he went to turn all the lights on and demonstrate to you how his new invention worked.

Tag list: @call-me-harley-quinn​ / @fandomxreaders​ /  @fortheloveofbenyandtom​ / @caswinchester2000​ / @dancingwith-sunflowers​ / @welcome-here-in-my-world / @unstable-puffin-writing​​ // Send an ask if you want to be added to the tag list for this fandom!

[curioussubjects]

I feel bad discussing spn now that’s over but I’ve been wondering. Do you think dean actually meant it when he said “why does that something always seem to be you” (15.03)? Usually people blurt out what’s on their mind all of a sudden even if they didn’t mean to say it out loud. But it comes out because the person either thinks about it or actually believes it. Do you think at one point Dean truly blamed Cas for Mary? I mean, putting 15.09 aside of course.

Why do you feel bad discussing SPN now the show’s over, anon?? Don’t feel bad!

The short answer to your question, in my view, is that Dean was lashing out because of how his unaddressed trauma over Cas dying (cf. 7x01, purgatory, 12x23) gets entangled with him processing his grief over Mary and Jack. Everything is further exacerbated by Chuck’s villain reveal, and the events that lead to Rowena’s “death.”  The longer answer to this question starts with acknowledging that feelings and trauma are complicated things that aren't always rational. And that's the crux of the matter for Dean in that moment he lashes out at Cas: he's not behaving rationally. We know Dean is angry, and historically doesn't handle anger well at all, but we also know, even without 15x09, that what Dean is really feeling is fear. In that moment, Dean is angry, and he's scared. If you watch the scene closely, too, you'll notice that Dean is still present enough to regret saying "why does that something always seem to be you" to Cas. He tenses up, he looks down and only looks up again in stubbornness defiance when Cas says he can't even look at him. Then Cas leaves, which has always been an issue for Dean. However warranted Cas's decision to leave was, it still hits Dean as rejection, too. All this is to say that the break up scene is extremely fraught, and Dean is the type of person who needs time to process events and emotions, and time to process is something he hasn't had since Mary disappeared.

So you ask: ok, cool, but what does all of that have to do with Cas dying, Liv? And here's where I say they have everything to do with Cas dying. I've talked about this before in tags and in other posts that I can't think of right now, but there are common occurrences in the events that have led to the more traumatic Cas deaths. If we think of Cas dying in 07x01, the context for that is as follows: Cas needs to solve a problem, he wants to ask Dean for help, but the desire to not burden him with it is greater, so Cas ends up handling the problem solo, which leads to disaster and also him dying. Or, well, apparently dying. But as far as Dean was concerned, Cas was dead, and he did struggle with it a lot during season 7. Now, fast-forward to s12 and the context of how Cas ends up dead then: Cas needs to solve a problem, part of him does want to cooperate with Sam and Dean to solve it, but he ultimately decides his desire to bring Dean a win, and to shield him and Sam from actions they'd suffer from are greater. Predictably, Cas ends up handling the problem solo, which leads to complications, and him being killed by Lucifer. Cas's death in 12x23 is significantly more traumatic to Dean than the one in 07x01 as season 13 starts with a grief arc that is devoted to Dean's suffering over Cas -- to the point that suffering overshadows even his grief over Mary. Granted, these are somewhat reductive summaries of the events of seasons 7 and 12, but the fact remains that those two deaths were remarkably similar as well as traumatic. 

If you look at trauma theory in regards to literary analysis, you'll notice that a key element is repetition. The story of trauma is a story of echoes, which is partly why triggers are what they are for people who have PTSD. In particular, a situation doesn't need to be an exact replica in order to evoke a traumatic memory. A situation need only be similar enough to the traumatic event to cause a trauma response. Therefore, if we keep in mind that the events leading to 15x03 aren’t exact mirrors of 07x01 or 12x23, but too reminiscent for comfort, then Dean’s behavior toward Cas starts making a bit more sense -- not excused, but understandable. A quick summary of these similarities goes as follows: Cas notices there’s is something off with Jack because of his soul; he decides to investigate on his own to avoid worrying the Winchesters and also because of his own fear of losing his family. He only comes forward with what is happening after something potentially disastrous has happened (Mary’s death). Later, Cas deviates from the agreed plan to close the wound leading to hell, which leads to another disastrous consequence (Rowena’s death). What does this look like? Cas makes a decision to act on his own, and doesn’t tell Dean (or Sam) about it, something goes wrong, someone dies. Notably, here, moreover, is that Cas obviously doesn’t die, but he has paralleled Mary before (when he was dead in s13) and there’s an argument to be made that he would eventually parallel Rowena (with heaven), but that’s from a metanarrative perspective rather than Dean’s, and I digress.

Oh, It’s worth noting, too, that the way in which the arc starting with 14x18 and culminating in 15x03 presents a similar, but not quite, chain of events as those of previous seasons signals the intentionality of the trauma narrative. 

But anyway, as we were: the resonance between the traumatic and triggering events, with the latter being traumatic in their own way, make Dean response in a way that is unfair for the situation at hand, but betray a deeper truth about Dean’s state of mind. Backtracking a little from 15x03, the first instance of Dean lashing out at Cas happens in 14x18 with the (heartbreaking) line: “Then you're dead to me.” At face value, those words are a condemnation of Cas and indicate a complete breakdown of the relationship, hinging on Jack having hurt/killed Mary. There is, however, another angle there, pain simmering beneath the surface, which makes more sense in its direction to Cas: the last time Jack, Mary, and Cas were involved in a tableaux like this, Cas died and Mary was gone. In what is an inversion of events, Mary is dead and Cas is...there, but as an echo of Jack’s birth, to say Cas is dead is a statement of fact: he did die, then. And as he was a parallel to Mary in the aftermath of Jack’s birth (and the rehashing of the John, Dean, Sam drama through Dean, Sam, and Jack), so is he a parallel to Mary here, except in circumstance. Both Mary and Cas had been after Jack. Mary happened to find him first, but Cas could’ve easily been the one to find him. Easily been the one who died. See the issue? This is obviously not to say that Dean’s grief and rage weren’t about Mary herself, but that the situations are entangled and murky. 

Further entanglement and murkiness happen when Cas is forced to change the plan to seal the hell wound in 15x03. We all know, including Dean, that there was nothing Cas could’ve done instead of what he did. But besides the change of plans, there’s an undercurrent of anxiety of the wound closing before Cas makes it out. He does, of course, but that’s the what if, always. And to illustrate the possibility, Rowena sacrifices herself to close the wound. It’s not coincidence that the similarities here are tenuous considering the stress burden from everything that has happened since 14x18 has continued to grow with no respite.

The stage is set then for the confrontation that leads to Cas walking out of the bunker. Dean is clearly on edge, and Cas is in a particularly vulnerable and hopeless headspace:

CASTIEL: Sorry about Rowena. DEAN: You're sorry? Why didn't you just stick to the damn plan? CASTIEL: Belphegor was lying. DEAN: Belphegor's a demon. CASTIEL: He was using us. He wanted to eat every last soul to take over Hell, Earth, and every... DEAN: Yeah, and we would've figured it out... after. With Rowena. CASTIEL: The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong. DEAN: Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

The reason I went of this long journey to come back to this is so as to make clear that what Dean is talking about here isn’t about Rowena at all, and it’s not about Mary either. We know Dean didn’t really blame Cas for Mary, and that he didn’t blame him for Rowena, either. But do those bolded parts sound familiar?

CASTIEL: Listen. Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice.

DEAN: No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one.

CASTIEL: You don't understand. It's complicated.

DEAN: No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!

CASTIEL: It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?

DEAN: I was there. Where were you?

DEAN: You should've come to us for help, Cas.

How about:

DEAN: Cas, you can't – With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay. CASTIEL: Well, I didn't mean to add to your distress. I – Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn't find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. And I just wanted I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself.

[...]

DEAN : We will find a better way. CASTIEL: You mean, we? DEAN : Yes, dumbass. We. You, me, and Sam, we're just better together. So now that you're back, let's go, Team Free Will. Let's get it done. CASTIEL: I'd like that. DEAN: Great.

“Then, you’re dead to me.” “...why does that something always seem to be you”

Because it’s Cas, and Cas being dead and gone. The tragedy of the divorce arc is that Cas ends up gone, too. However, this time, it’s Dean’s fault for not stopping him. Here, Dean’s fear of Cas dying leads to the anger that ultimately pushes him away. So, yeah, Dean meant what he said, but not in the way Cas took it. Not in the way it appeared as. 

The other tragedy of Supernatural ending as it did is that Dean never got to heal from that trauma, he never got to confront Cas for it, either. Make no mistake, the empty deal is another spiral of Dean’s unaddressed trauma over Cas dying. The beats are the same, and the result is Cas, gone, and Dean, shattered. Sadly, we never got our final resolution, the climatic reunion that would mirror Dean’s prayer in purgatory and Cas’s confession in the dungeon. It’s a story left unfinished. 

[uwuwriting]

Kuroo, Akaashi and Ushijima wearing their jersey

Request: You’re writing for HAIKYU OMG I NEED SOME I”M STARVING HERE. Could I get maybe Kuroo Akaashi and Ushijima seeing you in one of their games wearing their jersey. 

FIRST HAIKYUU POST AND I’M HYPED. And sweet anon you have given me best boys to work with and one of the cutest asks. So enjoy my sweet Haikyuu stans. Love yaa.💖💖💖

P.S I think I may have made Ushijima a little bit OOC so I’m sorry in advance so plz give me feed back so I can improve on him sorryyyyy.

warnings: fluff!!!!!!!

Kuroo Tetsuro 

-You have become the unannounced Nekoma manager at this point. 

-You are there at every single practice, go to every match official or not and you help them out immensely.

-Being with Kuroo goes hand in hand with learning the basics of volleyball and him teaching you how to toss or do the basic spike just so you can help him and the others practice. 

-So seeing you in games was expected at this point. 

-What wasn’t expected however was for you to show up at their match with Karasuno wearing a jersey with a huge number 1 in the middle. 

-The whole team recognized their captains’ jersey that was basically a dress on you in an instant. 

-Half of them were kinda losing their shit and patting Kuroo on the back with a chuckle while others *cough* Lev *cough* were asking him if he saw your shirt. 

-Kuroo couldn’t control the stupid love struck smile that spread wide on his face.

-You were too precious in his clothes.

-And he felt like you were announcing to the whole gym, to both teams that, you were his and he was yours. 

-You on the other hand knew how much Karasuno had progressed in these past few months and you also knew that they would be a hard opponent.

-So you had decided to hype up your boyfriend by wearing his jersey. 

-And if he’s fired up before the match then he motivates the whole team ten fold. 

-Plus you like wearing his shirts, they smelled like him and they were comfortable. 

-Kuroo made his way to your spot in the stands a few minutes before the game began and kissed you so hard he almost knocked you off your feet. 

- “Watch me kitten and you’ll see that I’m truly the number one.”

-He said that with that sweet smile on his face the one he only gave you while you were in private and he had literal hearts in his eyes. 

- “You’re already number one.” *peck* “Now go kick Karasunos’ ass, babe.” *peck*.

- “Sure will kitty cat.” 

-And with one last kiss he was off to wipe the floor with Karasuno. 

-After their victory you may or may not have had a rather steamy night. 

-To congratulate him .....and because you looked so freaking hot in his clothes he couldn’t contain himself.  

Akaashi Keiji

-Akaashi is an anxious individual and he rarely shows what he really feels. 

-But with you it’s different. 

-At the beginning of yalls relationship he was closed off, his walls high and towering over you but he tried for you and you didn’t give up on him.

-So now he’s a cuddle bug and a cinnamon roll 99% of the time he is around you.

-In private he’s more open with his affections while around people he’s more reserved opting to just hold your hand or link your pinkies, anything to know that you’re close to him. 

-You go to every match and cheer them on and you became a temporary manager when one of the girls got sick. 

-The team was used to your presence and knew that wherever you were Akaashi *and Bokuto bc they are kinda attached to the hip* would follow and vice versa. 

-They had never seen any big signs of you two being together apart from the occasional kiss before matches behind the gym and they knew that because Akaashi’s lips were swollen and your hair was messed up. 

-So when you showed up at their match for the nationals wearing the number 5 jersey.

- “HEY HEY HEY!! Y/N NICE SHIRT! AKAASHI DID YOU SEE HER SHIRT!”

-He sure as hell saw what you were wearing and he was f l u s t e r e d. 

-His cheeks were painted a deep red and he couldn’t form words correctly.

-He grabbed your hand and almost dragged you out the gym. 

-You really thought that this was a bad move and he was mad but when you went to apologized he engulfed in the tightest hug and started peppering your face, shoulder, neck with small pecks. 

- “Thank you thank you thank you. You make me so happy.”

-Your heart could explode at this point and you would die a happy woman.

-You almost started crying but held back your tears and just hugged him back with all your might.

-He gave you one last long and passionate kiss, leaving a promise on your lips for later that left you tingling.

- “Go wreck them, love. Show them the amazing setter that you are.”

-And with that you two walked back into the gym, his hand in yours.

-Needless to say they wrecked their opponents and then he wrecked you. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi

-We stan a stoic boy *I’m looking at you Shouto*.

-You and Ushijima aren’t in a secret relationship but on the other hand nobody really knows you are together. 

-They don’t notice it. 

-And you can’t really blame them, I mean there is little to no PDA between you two. 

-It’s not that he doesn’t like holding you, he loves it he could do it all day long if he could, it’s just that he believes that affection and love are a private matter and he doesn’t like the idea of others seeing him being all soft. 

-You are their manager and he gets to see you at practice as well, plus he gets to take you home. 

-He loves the extra attention he gets from you during practice. 

-He might not look like the part but he loves the praise and how your eyes rack his body.

-Sends shivers down his spine. 

-During their match with Seijoh you show up in his over sized-that-looks-like-a-dress-on-you jersey and Tendou will later tell you that your sweet Toshi had a nose bleed at the sight. 

-Being the manager and all you still had things to prepare so you carried on continuing with your manager duties while Wakatoshi was having multiple strokes in the locker room.

-When he pulled himself together he began to tail you like a lost puppy. 

-He was looking for an opening so he could whisk you away for a few kisses before the match. 

-You saw that and quickly made an excuse dragging him as subtly as possible. 

-HE IS A FREAKING TREE HOW CAN YOU TAKE HIM AWAY SECRETLY?!?!?!

-He pounced at you the moment your were out of site, peppering you with kisses and a small smile that he restored for only your moments of privacy. 

-This was so not Wakatoshi but he couldn’t help himself while he looked at you. 

-You made his heart squeeze in his chest and the air catch in his throat.

-You made it hard to breath. 

-You were beyond gorgeous, swimming in his shirt, so much so that he wanted to bottle you up and hold you for himself.

-After your little make out session he was ready to wreck Oikawa and his team. 

-And that he did. 

TAG TEAM AY:

@brattyquirks​  @the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​

[unforth]

Why does everyone always recommend Twist and Shout for destiel? Like what happened in fandom at that time to make it so popular that it's now a staple? I haven't read it. I refuse. I know there is major character death and people complain it is OOC so I'm just wondering why do people love it so much? I have read so many long fics written by immensely talented writers in this fandom that end hopefully and tackle difficult subject matter while maintaining character voices that it seems a shame that T&S is always recommended

So, I also haven’t read it - I don’t do MCD, no matter how highly recommended a fic comes. However, here’s what I’d say in answer to this question.

Twist and Shout came out, it was during a period when the fandom was huge, and exploding. Season 8 was something of a Destiel renaissance (it’s when I started shipping it, for example) and it’s not a coincidence that a lot of the best known fic came out in 2012 and 2013 (for reference, T&S started posting on October 15th, 2012, according to AO3). I wasn’t active on AO3 Destiel fandom at that time (I started reading fic on FF.net in early 2013) nor was I active on Tumblr or in fandom circles where shipping was a big Thing, so I don’t know what the general fandom reaction to it was at the time, but presumably it met with a fair degree of popularity. People liked it. People recced it. I have no idea if it had the MCD tag at that time, but presumably it did. People read it knowing that. And presumably, some people didn’t like it, and some people didn’t rec it, but like any other fic it went through a process of developing popularity.

Why did it get to be first?

In my honest opinion?

Utterly random chance. If you look at ANY developing fandom, some of the trends are in fact totally random, at least to begin with. Once the avalanche starts, though, it’s self-perpetuating.

Think about it. You’re in a brand new fandom. You don’t know anyone. You haven’t read anything. You’re desperate to read something. What do you do? You go to AO3, find the ship you want to read, and you sort by most hits, or most kudos, or most comments, and decide - I’m gonna start by reading these. You see the first fic...okay, MCD, a little off putting...but it’s got SO MANY HITS and SO MANY KUDOS...just take the chance!

So, you (my hypothetical fan) read this fic. One of two things happen - you either love it or you hate it. If you hate it, you may not even finish it, but regardless, you’ve added to the stats - your views count, and maybe you liked the early chapters and kudosed, or maybe you remember everything you’ve heard about authors liking comments on early chapters of fully posted works, and you commented. So those stats have gone up, even if someone HATED it. And on the second, you love it - and you come out gushing! You kudos! If you’re super enthusiastic maybe you log out and give it a second guest kudos! And, as you start getting into the fandom and meeting people, you want to spread this love - you tell your friends - hey, I just read this great fic, and yeah, it’s MCD, but just give it a chance!

And so it begins again - if you tell four people, and they read it, and two hate it, and two love it, and those two tell four people, and two hate it, and two love it, and it just cascades.

Why is Twist and Shout the most popular fic in this fandom? Because Twist and Shout is the most popular fic in this fandom. Yes, it’s a tautology, but it’s entirely self-perpetuating. People read it because it’s listed first. People read it because they like it, and re-read it and re-read, and re-read it, to get that high. People hate read it. People read it just to find out what the big deal is. In a fandom with coming up on 100,000 posted stories, Twist and Shout has almost twice as many kudos as the fic in second (by the, in my personal opinion, far more deserving Annie D, though it’s also not their best work in my opinion, and the reasons it’s up there are likely the same), and almost four times as many hits. By any measure on AO3 surveys, it’s number one when people sort, and lots of people will read it simply out of curiosity.

That kind of popularity is self-perpetuating. And of course lots of people love T&S - it has 1.2 million hits, and almost 35000 kudos. Even if we go extremely conservative and say, 35,000 people have read T&S, that’s simply a shit ton of people, and if even only 10% loved it, that’d still be 3500 people gushing about that single fic. I’ve been writing for 5 years and I don’t have a single fic with even 3500 kudos, and I’m considered a relatively successful writer in this huge fandom.

But here’s, to me, the most important thing - I truly believe any fic can be a Twist and Shout. It’s a confluence of events that makes a fic such a juggernaut, and the vast majority are simply luck. Random drift means one fic is gonna end up on the top of the heap - and once a fic is there, reading tendencies, confirmation bias, and exposure guarantee it’ll STAY on the top of the heap.

I started the Destiel Favs Survey because I felt that the “top 20″ fics by hits in the Destiel fandom didn’t reflect the fics people actually like. I got curious, so I made a list.

In February 21st, 2017, the top 20 fics on AO3 by kudos were:

Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme (which, at the time, had 25,507 kudos)

Dean Doesn’t Listen to Eurythmics by Annie D

An Exercise in ‘Worthless’ by beastofthesky

Revealed by Valinde

Angel’s Wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone

Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist

How (Thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (Accidentally) Raised Each Other (and Sam) by Vera_DragonMuse

A Room of One’s Own by NorthernSparrow

Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone

Grey by Valinde

Convenient Husbands by Annie D

Forget-Me-Not-Blues by noangelsinthegarrison

When Charlie Met Cas by riseofthefallenone

Real Slick Dean by trilliath

In This Secluded Spot I Respond as I Wouldn’t Dare Elsewhere by RhymePhile

The Breath of All Things by KistmetJeska

Unfamiliar by riseofthefallenone

Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) by kototyph

A Hole in the World by AnnelieseMichel

A Beginner’s Guide to Communing with the Dead by suspiciousflashlight

Today, 1/9/21, four years later, the top 20 fics by Kudos are:

Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme (no change in rank, now has 34,907 kudos)

Dean Doesn’t Listen to Eurythmics by Annie D (no change in rank)

Revealed by Valinde (+1 in rank)

An Exercise in ‘Worthless’ by beastofthesky (-1 in rank)

A Room of One’s Own by NorthernSparrow (+3 in rank)

How (Thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (Accidentally) Raised Each Other (and Sam) by Vera_DragonMuse (+1 in rank)

A Turn of the Earth by microcomets/mishcollin (not on the old list by kudos, but it was on the list by 2018 when I did another check in)

Angel’s Wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone (-3 in rank)

Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist (-3 in rank)

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon (the first work to break through, and it’s in tenth)

Forget-Me-Not Blues by noangelsinthegarrison (+1 in rank)

Grey by Valinde (-2 in rank)

Convenient Husbands by Annie D (-2 in rank)

Professional Couple Only by saltyfeathers (our second new work)

Real Slick Dean by trilliath (-1 in rank)

A Beginner’s Guide to Communing with the Dead by suspiciousflashlight (+4 in rank)

When Charlie Met Cas by riseofthefallenone (-4 in rank)

Unfamiliar by riseofthefallenone (-1 in rank)

The Breath of All Things by KismetJeska (-3 in rank)

Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone (-11 in rank)

In 4 full years, only three works managed to break into the top 20, even though - based on my original data, which you can view here - most of these works have nearly double in the number of kudos they’ve had in that amount of time. Further, the most recently written fic on EITHER of these lists is from 2015 - A Turn of the Earth and Professional Couple Only are from 2015 - and all the rest is older.

These fics aren’t the top 20 because they’re better, and if there was even an ounce of objectivity in this list, it would have actually shown any change in 4 years instead of looking virtually identical. 

Twist and Shout, and the other “most popular” and “most recommended” works in the Destiel fandom have that distinction because they’re the most read, so more people read them, so they’re the most read, so more people read them, so they’re the most read, so...ad infinitum.

And that’s not a judgement call against them! There are fics I LOVE on that top twenty list. But, dear anon, you ask me why I think Twist and Shout is the most popular?

All of this is why. Twist and Shout is the most popular because popularity in fic culture is the only perpetual motion machine in the universe. It is self-perpetuating, and as a result, Twist and Shout will always be the most popular fic in this fandom.

And that’s why I do the faves list - because the tops on AO3 tell us abso-fraggin’-lutely nothing, and I thought we needed a list that actually meant something for what fics people active in the fandom truly love - which DOES include some of those top 20 fics by AO3 data, and includes lots and lots of others that are just as or more wonderful.

*steps off soap box*

(sorry this is stupidly long, I have Opinions.)

[ceasarslegion]

Hey, with your post about fandom discourse, you are 100% entitled to that opinion and those beliefs, a lot of it is about pedophilia. As a CSA survivor, it doesn't really feel like your blog is safe for me anymore, so I unfollowed, even though I like most of your content. Sorry.

Okay, I think this is a teachable moment.

I'm truly sorry you went through that and it shouldn't have happened to you, but I think it would do you well to ask why you felt the need to send this ask

Just so that this ask doesn't get taken completely out of context by this hellsite, this is the post anon is referring to:

This really isn't meant to come off as confrontational or defensive, but I'm genuinely confused about how you took "I don't have the mental energy to engage in fandom discourse because I have a life outside of fandom to worry about" and turned it into "this person's blog isn't safe for CSA survivors." I never actually mentioned pedophilia in my post, and I honestly was referring to petty fandom discourse, so to be honest, this could really feel like putting words in someone's mouth if they didn't give you the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not going to assume you were being confrontational either, but let me elaborate on this.

I am not your friend. As far as you're concerned, I'm just a semi-popular tumblr blog that you used to follow for shitposts and fandom content. Yes, it's run by a 3-dimensional person with an entire lifetime of experiences and aspirations and motivations, but you don't know me. The content I post here is a decimal point of a percentile of the person who runs this. The Damien behind the "shut up dames" tag is a complete stranger to you, and you are a complete stranger to him. We are two different people, differences can breed conflict.

If something about what I post upsets you in some way and you have to unfollow because my URL doesn't sit right with you anymore, go for it. Your feelings are valid, I encourage anyone who just doesn't vibe with me to unfollow, but you don't have to announce to me that you're unfollowing and give me the reason why.

Because at the end of the day, I run a shitpost and fandom blog that happened to get semi-popular on tumblr. That's all I am to y'all, and it's all I should be to y'all.

But an ask like this, while I definitely don't think was meant to be confrontational, can definitely come off as such if I was, say, having a really shitty day, or in a bad mood for any reason. It also gives me the impression that at least on a subconscious level, you read my joke post and perceived it to be a complete picture of my personal beliefs in that ares. It feels like you jumped to conclusions about my stance on a really serious issue.

Asks like this also feel rather guilt-trippy. While you shouldn't have gone through that, and I'm extremely sorry you did and it's completely unfair that you have to live with the trauma of that, it is not my responsibility to proof my own content against all possible perceptions of it and how it might affect people. There are topics that also upset me, but it's not the responsibility of other blogs I follow to screen their content for me, nor does it mean that their blog isn't a safe place for emotional abuse victims if they post a lot of "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss" memes.

People are always welcome to unfollow or block me for any reason, but you don't need to announce it for the reasons i outlined here. Again, I'm not accusing you of anything, I'm telling you how something like this comes off.

[everlarkficexchange]

Magic as Always

Written by: @alliswell21

Prompt 71: Magic of Ordinary Days AU: 1940s, Katniss is a single pregnant girl. Desperate for her daughter not to have a child out of wedlock, Mrs Everdeen contacts a priest who in turn knows a young man who just may be willing to help. Sweet, kind and shy Peeta stayed home to take care of the family farm when his beloved brother went to war to never come back. He’s always wanted a family but rural small town life gives little chance to court. He hears of Katniss’ plight and graciously offers to marry her and raise the child as his own. He does everything he can think of to make a home for Katniss and the baby. How does Katniss take it? How does their relationship develop? Will they fall in love? [submitted by anonymous]

Rating: this chapter is rated Teens and Up  

Tags: Historical!AU; WWII; 1940’s Era views on marriage, sexism, pregnancy, etc; Katniss/Marvel relationship; Non-graphic Unprotected Sex; Unplanned Pregnancy; Arrange Marriage; Miscellaneous Religious views; Grief/Mourning; Canon Characters Death; OOC!Mrs.Everdeen; Somewhat OOC!Katniss; Everlark is Endgame; Other tags to be added.

Notes: Thank you Anon for this prompt. I must confess, I’ve never seen the movie ‘The Magic of Ordinary Days’ or read the book the movie is based on. I did a quick skimming on the plot of the movie and then dug up all kinds of reviews on the book, most of my plot points come from a combination of movie and book (which apparently differ only in a few parts), besides what the prompter asked for. I just really loved this prompt, and see the potential of this story, which will be a few chapters long, cross posted to AO3 and I already have a good chunk written ;) The rating will be adjusted too, because there will be explicit Everlark smut in the following chapters. Anon, I hope I don’t disappoint you, this story will be only loosely based on the source material, and adapted to fit THG characters in the narrative, I will try to stick to the main plot points as much as I can, but I’m also taking several liberties with the story. I hope you still like it though. 

KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP

Prim died on a Tuesday, after a very long, strenuous battle with poliomyelitis. My sweet little sister’s face looked as fresh as a dew drop even in death. 

  “Come now, Katniss,” my mother calls from the open door of the mortuary hall, where visitation took place an hour ago. 

  The mortician has arranged for the coffin to be taken to the cemetery and put in the ground this afternoon. There will be no graveside mourning. It’s all we could pay for, but then again the war has left everyone penniless nowadays.

  A big, rotund man comes to close the coffin, and offers a curt nod. 

  That’s it then. The very last time I’ll ever set eyes on Primrose’s sweet face. 

  “Katniss,” Mother whispers, insistently. It’s probably all she can muster before breaking down in tears.

  I look on at the box my sister’s body lies in, numb and heartsick. I bring my 3 middle fingers to my lips and then rise them in the air. My last salute to my beloved Little Duck. I step away from the coffin and shuffle towards mother. 

  Up close, I can see the deep, dark bruises under my mother’s eyes. She used to be beautiful in her youth— according to friends and old photographs— but now she just looks tired and defeated. I guess having to bury first her husband and then her 15 year old daughter, in less than a year, would have that effect on anyone.

  Prim would’ve looked like our mother, with their soft blonde locks, almond shaped blue eyes and alabaster skin. She had a softer spirit though, she enjoyed music and loved animals. She always said that if she was older, she would’ve joined the Red Cross and signed up to serve as a nurse to our boys in the Pacific, like Father did… Father wasn’t a nurse though, he was a chaplain. 

  It’s funny to think that I inherited so much of my father, like my dark hair, gray eyes and olive skin. We both also share the same aversion to human pain and blood that moves my mother and Prim to action; but unlike Prim, my father’s calling to help the soldiers in their worst situations, passed me and went directly to my baby sister. 

  I sigh… Prim would’ve made a terrific army nurse, if only she hadn’t wasted in bed with that odious disease! If she had been given the chance to live, I’m sure Prim would’ve had so many boys trailing after her. She would marry at some point and have a beautiful full life. 

  I don’t plan on marrying and having a family. If the acute pain in my own chest wasn’t enough warning,  watching my mother walk silently from the funeral home to our apartment, with her head bowed and listening to her quiet sobs at night would be enough evidence that there’s too much sorrow in losing one’s husband and children. 

  I think my efforts will be better spent in cultivating my mind, and getting my degree in botany, like my father always dreamed, anyway… plus, I’m not much of a looker… not like Prim at any rate. 

  We finally arrived at our modest home. Mother drifts ghost-like into the door, and then we both shuffle quietly into our separate bedrooms. There won’t be a meal at the table tonight, but I make sure Prim’s old tomcat gets fed and watered, and after he meows in distress at my sister’s door, I open mine, and let him strut inside my bedroom and hop into my bed. The hideous fur ball and I distrust each other, but he understands his mistress is never coming back, and he’s the last thing I have from her… so he lets me pet him and he cuddles close to my chest as I fall asleep, crying. 

——————————-

Mother and I walk slowly through the busy streets of town, mostly ignoring the bustle and disarray around us. People shout, cars honk horns, a baby cries in the distance, and the few young men rush back and forth in the busy sidewalks, like they’re being lashed by invisible whips.

  “We should stop by the grocer and see if we can pick up some eggs.” Says my mother, pulling her “Sugar Book” out of her handbag. 

  Because of the war, everything is being rationed, from sugar to shoes.

  I could care less about food and clothing, though. But I still go into the shop, dutifully. 

  I’m so immersed in my own thoughts, I don’t see the lanky man walking towards me with his arms full of vittles. 

  We collide. The man’s groceries fly up in every direction, raining over me, as I sit on my rump on the floor. 

  My mother is nowhere to be seen. Typical.

  “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there!” Says the man, pulling a packet of oatmeal from the floor, while extending his other hand to help me up. 

  “No… it’s alright, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

  “Well, let’s agree that we’re both klutzes, and leave it at that?” The man offers.

  I’m on my feet, dusting my skirt off and righting my blouse, “Sure, let’s do that.” I scowl at the skew state of my clothes and finally look up at the man. 

  He’s smiling down at me, and I must admit, his smile is dazzling. He’s got short brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, and a smattering of freckles over his nose. He also towers above me. 

  “My stars! If it isn’t Katniss Everdeen!” The young man says, unexpectedly excited.

  I blink owlishly at him, and try to place his face, but I’m horrible at remembering people. Or their names. 

  “Marvel Quaid,” he offers genially, unfazed by my lack of response, “we went to grade school together?” He prompts, “My pa used to sell luxury goods in District One?”

  “Oh, I think it’s coming back now,” I say smiling for the first time in what feels like months. “You used to throw sticks, pretending they were spears or something,” I tell him, showing that indeed, I do remember him.

  Marvel scrunches his nose, “Javelins, actually. I was pretending I threw javelins. I saw a fellow doing it for the Olympics in a film, and then he won a medal for it. I thought to myself that making a victory lap with the good old American flag flapping after oneself looked like fun; well, I wanted to be a victor too!” He chuckles, then deflates. “But as everything, those dreams are gone now, crushed to dust under the weight of the war.”

  As is the norm, once the war gets brought up, gloominess settles on, dampening the cheeriest of spirits.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m all too familiar with the sentiment.”

  Marvel nods, grimly. 

  “We lost Father in France.” I’m not sure why I said it. “We put my sister in the ground last week, too.” I avert my eyes. 

  “Aww, geez, Kit… that’s truly awful. I’m so sorry for your loss,”

  I’m mildly surprised I don’t immediately recoil at his little pet name. I guess the fact that he doesn’t sound condescending while delivering his condolences, helps. 

  “Oh, well, as my father would’ve said, at least their toils in this world are over. They can finally rest in peace.”

  After a moment of heavy silence, Marvel shares, “I’m being shipped out tomorrow morning.”

  I scowl, “Oh,” I bite the inside of my cheek, wondering how he’d manage to evade the draft for this long? Marvel is my age, 19 going on 20… boys get sent to the front lines at 18. “I… I could write to you… if you wanted?” I offer shyly. 

  Isn’t that what young women are being told to do, in order to keep our boys’ morale from plummeting?  

  Marvel grins, showing slightly crooked teeth, “That would be swell, Kit!” He stares at me for a long moment, then sighs, “I should go back to my shopping, before they miss me at home. Lord knows when will I have the chance of doing something as mundane as picking up my mother’s weekly grocery allowance.”

  These days it is not only uncommon seeing men doing grocery runs, but simply seeing young, able-body men around, period. All of our boys are either in Europe or the Pacific, fighting to keep the devastation of the World war from reaching our shores.

  “Well, for what is worth, I hope you get to return home safely… you know, so you can do all the boring tasks your mother tells you to do. And when I say safe, I mean, I hope you don’t run anymore into spaced out girls, like me,” I smirk. 

  “Oh, Kit, if only you knew how much I’ve enjoyed our accidental skirmish. It’s like a gift from above, seeing you after all these years. Your smile and the color of your eyes will forever be branded in my mind, to give me a reason to fight. To have a dream,”

  I’m momentarily floored by Marvel’s florid little speech. Nobody has ever said anything nearly as sweet and gallant as that to me, and for a moment, I forget all about my dead sister and father, the war, and my own sorrow. 

  I avert my eyes, bashfully, as he finishes picking up his vittles off the floor.

  “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I lean over to pick up a can of milk, and put it on top of his pile. 

  “I only speak the truth,” he smiles brightly. 

  My mother chooses to interrupt at the exact moment I bat my lashes at him, “Katniss, there you are! I’ve been waiting for you by the counter.” She shakes her head. 

  Marvel wobbles on his feet, rearranging his load, and then greets my mother, warmly, “Mrs. Everdeen, how nice to see you again,” 

  My mother eyes him, unimpressed. “Good afternoon, young man,” she answers. 

  “Ma’am… pardon my forwardness, but, would it be too troublesome to ask Miss Katniss to accompany a soldier about to be shipped out, to supper in the town?” 

  My mother narrows her eyes, distrust dripping from her voice as she speaks, “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. My daughter and I are in mourning, you see,”

  “Oh, this won’t be an untoward celebration of any kind, ma’am. With the war raging on, we’re all in mourning. All I ask for is one last night of normalcy, a chance to reconnect with an old grade-school mate,” he smiles, hopefully, “For old times sake?” 

  I’m watching my mother’s face closely, with bated breath.

  “Very well,” Mother sighs, “You may ask Katniss out to dinner. But have her home by 9 sharp!”  

  I don’t hesitate to step up and give him directions to my apartment building in District 12. 

  I spend the rest of my day giddy and nervous, pressing my best Sunday suit, the gray one with the matching jacket, and polishing my only pair of leather shoes. There isn’t much I can do about my hair… the thing can’t be fashioned into the favored waves, not even putting it in curlers overnight, so I let it be. 

  I briefly wonder if this was all Prim’s doing? Meeting Marvel and mother’s somewhat easy aquiciscent. Prim hated seeing me sad, and constantly talked about how she’d love to help me get ready for dates with a beau. She couldn’t wait to be of courting age and date a strapping, young man herself… but of course, that would never happen for her, but she would probably still want to see me have those things. 

  Maybe Marvel is right, and our serendipitous encounter is a gift from above, to heal our wounds… at least for the night. 

  ————————-

  Marvel arrives at my house in his father’s car at 5:45. Riding is now such a luxury, with gasoline being rationed and all. He takes me to a quaint little dinner in the middle of town. We share malts, a greasy burger, and a small portion of fries and onion rings. 

  We talk about baseball:

  “You’d look good in a baseball uniform, Kit! Can you still run as fast as you did in school?” 

  I laugh. “I’m not much for sports,” I demure, “but I’ve heard playing in one of the new teams pays alright. Anyway, I’m gonna be starting my second year of college soon. I put my studies on hold while Prim was at her worst, but now that it’s only just me and mother… I’m anxious to go back to study.”

  “Wow, beautiful and smart!”

  We talk about cars:

  “I loved driving… but Mother sold our car when my sister took a turn for the worse. She didn’t want to at first, saying that Father saved up to buy it, and it held sentimental value to her, but I had to push to sell it. We needed the money and gas was a nightmare to come by, anyway,”

  “The only reason we still have ours,” says Marvel, “is because Pa is too stubborn to let go of the things that still made him feel wealthy.” He scowls, “He’s trying to get into the ice business now, since it’s pretty much the only thing one where the raw material is plenty and relatively cheap, and there’s guarantee that people will buy the product… everyone still needs ice for their ice boxes, right?” 

  No one can afford luxuries anymore with every penny going out to support our boys in the battlefields.

  We talk about many other subjects: his sister’s wedding; my father’s unit getting pinned and killed by Germans… We didn’t get a body to bury, but I got a medal on his behalf as his eldest child. 

  Marvel lets me sniffle against his chest, and then kisses my lips slowly. 

  I’ve never been kissed on the lips, and I feel my face heat up. 

  “Would you… like to take a drive with me, Kit?”

  We drive all the way to the city limit. It’s exhilarating to be in a car again, and sitting at the overlook, at twilight,  alone with a handsome boy, feels positively forbidden! 

  I’ve never done anything remotely injudicious all my life, and this whole moment feels… magical… exciting! 

  Tentatively, I initiated our next kiss, but he takes over in a rush of caresses and flitting touches. 

  “Beautiful, graceful, Kit. You have no match!”

  “Marvel…” I kiss him again, not knowing how to answer his sentiments with words.

  His hands are restless, groping my shoulders and elbows. “I wished he had more time! I would’ve loved to marry you before departing. I would’ve show you so much passion and love!”

  “You still can show me, Marvel… you absolutely can!” 

  It’s all the permission he needs to dive into a frenzy. He doesn’t stop until the deed is done, and we’re a sweaty, tangled mess of limbs in the back seat of the car, only partially clothed. 

  A deep feeling of lethargy pours over me. My muscles are sore and heavy, and wished I could fall asleep in here. 

  “I intend on coming back to marry you, Katniss,” Marvel says, stretching his lanky, long legs to zip up his pants. 

  I sit up and start finger-combing my ruined hair, hoping my mother won’t notice the strands are extra frizzy. “Um… I guess we should after this,” I say shyly, gesturing between us. 

  “You could still go to college while I’m away,” he offers with magnanimity.

  “You… wouldn’t mind that?” I ask incredulous, college women are so rare, unless they’re trying to become nurses or teachers. Most girls start courting right after high school and get married in the span of one to two years, and their husbands don’t normally encourage an education beyond what their wives came into the marriage with; so to hear Marvel say that wouldn’t mi d me stay in college is just about the greatest thing possible!

  “My darling, Kit, I don’t want you to be one of those girls pining and wasting away for her beau. I’ll be busy at war, it’ll be unfair to keep you from occupying your own time while you wait fir my return. Go to college, my clever girl!”

  I smile indulgently at him, leaning closer to slip his necktie around the collar of his shirt, “You are truly a generous, loving man,” I say.

  Marvel beams, circling my waist with his arms pulling me against his body. “It’s all inspired by you, sugar plum!”

  I giggle, kissing his cheek, “I’ll write to you every day!” I promise. 

  “That’s nice… but just so you know, I might not be able to write back right away. It’ll be a while before I get settled enough to write. But you’ll be in my thoughts every minute of every day, and that’s the honest truth! I’m serious about marrying you when I return, Kit,” he kisses me again. And then, he looks at his watch, sighing. “It’s 8:32. We should get on going, gotta keep in my future mother-in-law’s good graces!” 

  We share a carefree laugh, and finish tidying ourselves up to drive back to my house. 

  He walks me to the door, takes me in his arms, and kisses me passionately before promising he’d be back to officially ask for my hand in marriage, and for my part, I swear I’ll write to him every day until he returns home safe and sound. 

  But neither of us keeps our promises in the end, although I tried. 

  ————————-

  Three weeks go by and I keep my word of writing daily letters. I receive no word in return from Marvel, but think nothing of it… Europe is far and traveling by sea is tedious and time consuming; Marvel will get in touch once he’s settled down. 

  Another week goes by, still without news from my would-be fiancé. I still don’t worry. I’ve been busy with university, and the few other girls attending school with me keep me busy, but my heavier workload is starting to get to me.

  I’m usually so tired and moody after school that socializing with my classmates becomes a chore. I barely eat supper before I’m passing out in bed, and my letters to Marvel start to get shorter and simpler with every passing day.

  I skip writing one afternoon altogether, and take a long nap. Buttercup— Prim’s ugly cat— perches on my bed like a sentinel to watch me sleep. I believe he’s worried about me… stupid, clingy cat thinks I’m sick.

  But the feline’s intuition proves right, because just two days later, I shoot out of bed and run into the washroom to spill every last ounce of last night supper into the toilet. I must’ve caught a bug or something! 

  I feel queasy and lightheaded every morning after. My appetite wanes and it seems my delicate stomach can only tolerate pears, and broth. 

  I visit the post office to place out my letters to Marvel almost everyday; Every time I come, the nice old mailman comments on how sweet it is to see all the young-uns holding romance strong. Marvel has yet to respond to one of my letters, so I just smile tightly and demure. 

  I’ve been thinking though; the longer I go without news of my supposed future husband, and despite the whirlwind night of romance with him, I start questioning my actions, my promises. I never wanted to marry before, and suddenly I was okay getting a hasty, unofficial engagement with a virtual stranger, I barely remember from grade school… maybe it’s better if Marvel never writes. 

  My plans on earning a college degree and finding a well paying job will go unencumbered— I’m aware women in prominent working professions are as rare as snow in July, but women’s presence in the working forces keep growing as industries need laborers to keep up producing while the men fight in the war. Educated women are almost becoming less rare. 

  At the two month mark since I last saw Marvel, I become weepier than usual… is to be expected in my opinion; Prim’s been gone for a little over two months and she was the only person I knew I loved. But now I’m worrying about my health on top of everything.

  One morning, while I’m kneeling on the cold, hard floor in front of the toilet, feeling miserable and tired, my mother calls my name from the open door.

  “Katniss, I think it’s time to get a test.” She states evenly, and then enters the room to fetch a damp washcloth to wipe my face clean. “I hope I’m wrong, but I’m afraid you may be with child,” she sighs. 

  I squirm. “No,” I gasp. “I— I can’t be with child. I just can’t!” But the thought has crossed my mind a few times already. “It’s not supposed to be this way!”

  “I know, child,” My mother pats my head, “there’s only one way to know. Get dressed for the day, I will call the most discreet physician I know, and have him pay us a visit.” 

  ————————-

  Doctor Aurelius— a physician my mother has helped deliver babies and treat maladies with— confirms the pregnancy with a grim face. 

  I sit at my kitchen table numb and despondent. My mother writes a check to the doctor for his services, while talking in no so hush tones in the other room. I listen to their whole conversation, as if submerged in water.

  “I blame myself for this, doctor. I should have kept a closer eye on her,” 

  “Don’t blame yourself Ms. Everdeen, it’s that war business bringing out all sorts of evil into the world! It’s unfortunate the rise of these cases in our community. Young ladies— from good families!— engaging in acts ought to be saved for marriage. Youth do things without thinking, guided by fear. Our boys fear they may not return from that senseless, awful war, and settle down properly, and I don’t blame them one little bit.”

  “The only solace I have right now, is that my poor husband is not here to see the shame that’s fallen over our family,”

  “I understand the sentiment, ma’am. There’s no telling how Preacher Everdeen would’ve taken this blow. But I’m sure things will work out as soon as young Katniss hears from the father…” 

  I dissolve into silent tears then. My mother escorts the doctor to the door and then there’s silence. 

  My pinky finger curls into the soft fabric of the table cloth, and I try to ignore the urge to vomit boiling in my stomach. There’s one thought circling mi mind: my college days are over.

  ——————————-

“Ah! Miss Everdeen, I have something for you.” Says the mailman as soon as I reach the desk. He smiles, but rather sadly, like he’s about to give me bad news. 

  I’ve come to the post office with urgent letters every day for 6 days, and he’s never looked at me this way. 

  The old man digs around for a moment and almost reluctantly, passes a parcel tied up in twine. An envelope is attached to the top of the parcel, and with a sinking feeling, I realized it’s a stack of my own letters. 

  “It came in today, miss.” Says the man, voice laced with pity. “Sorry for your loss.” He says. 

  At first I don’t understand what he could possibly mean by that; he’s offered his sympathies fir my dead father and sister already; it makes absolutely no sense to repeat himself randomly after so long. 

  Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. 

  I gasp, and press the parcel to my chest. “Oh no! Marvel!” I whisper. I give the man a hasty wave, thanking him, and rush out of the post office like mad. 

  Tears run down my cheeks, while I dash home, imagining the worst. “Poor, Marvel!” Is all I can think.

  “Katniss, what’s wrong?” My mother calls, alarmed, when I rush to my bedroom, sobbing. She follows me in, and watches me tear into the envelope at the top of the stack. 

  I frown in confusion when I’m met with handwritten, chicken-scratch scrawl, instead of a formal missive typed in official US military stationary. 

  My scowl deepens as my eyes rove over the flowery vocabulary, and then I screech, “What?!” 

  “Katniss, what’s going on?” 

  I ignore my mother when she approaches to read over my shoulder; I step around her, shaking the piece of paper in my hands and stand by the window, as if sunlight will make the words change their meaning.

  I smooth the creases and folds on the page over, and read out loud, “Dearest Kit, sorry it took so long to write, it’s been a wild time since we arrived and finding time to correspond with everyone back home it’s been hard.

  “At times, your letters have been the sole source of light and hope in the darkness of this conflict. Is for that reason, and with a heavy heart, that I must come clean to you now. I truly meant it when I swore to come back and make you my wife, but as the Good Book says, the Lord works in mysterious ways, and love has sprouted out the most unlikely place! Kit, I’ve fallen in love and married a lovely gal here in England…”

  I stop reading. He goes on talking about the why and how, but I sincerely don’t care. 

  “That good for nothing, virtue dasher, future crushing… liar!” My mother bleats to the ceiling, raising her palms over her head, dramatically. 

  I’m angry too, of course. I feel used and disposed of like a dirty rag, but my mother’s reaction is borderline hilarious. Except, it isn’t. 

  I’m pregnant, unmarried, and soon— once my still flat stomach starts rounding— I’ll be socially ostracized for my condition. My only saving grace was the promise of marriage that bastard Marvel had given me. But that’s gone now. 

  “I knew that boy was bad news the second I laid eyes on him! He never even introduced himself to me, the little weasel! This is my fault. My fault! I should’ve never allowed you to run amok with the likes of him…”

  “Mother, will you please?” I nearly growl, gesturing at the open bedroom door.

  She stares at me uncomprehendingly for a moment, before pursing her lips in disapproval, and stalking out of the room muttering her aggravation under her breath. 

  I sink into my bed with Marvel’s stupid letter crumpling in my fist. A single, hot, angry tear rolls down my face, and for the first time since finding out of its existence, I hug my midsection and address my child, “I’m so sorry for dragging you into this mess. I know you didn’t ask for a mother like me, but I’m all you got now, little one. I promise we will be alright… I’ll try not to let you down.”

  ———————-

  My mother has been unbearable for the last two days. She cries in her room worse than when Prim died, and when she sees me, she starts lamenting my poor choice, like I’m not even standing there… as if I don’t feel discouraged enough. 

  I keep myself busy with my education. I will need to earn this diploma now more than ever before, and I need to do as much as I can before the baby arrives and my studies get put on hold. 

  In the meantime, I scout the newspapers for possible work options to sustain me and my mother. Our savings keep diminishing and the small stipend my mother got from the Army since my father passed away is becoming more insufficient by the day. 

  There’s a knock on the front door, and I push out my chair unhappy by the interruption. 

  “Afternoon Miss Katniss! Would you let your mother know she’s got a telephone call down in the lobby?” Says the building’s doorkeeper. 

  “Of course, thank you. She’ll be right down!”

  Telephones are yet another luxury we had to give up when moved to this small place after losing my father. 

  I go back to my job hunt, and my mother descends to the lobby, quickly. 

  She returns after only 10 minutes, almost running through the door, excitedly calling my name. Tears wet her face, but her smile is so blinding, even without knowing what sort of news she’s heard to cause her such joy, I stand from the table with nervous anticipation. 

  “Oh, Katniss! Katniss my dear daughter, you’re saved!” She exclaims, hugging me tightly. 

  I’m confused. I step away from her embrace, “What do you mean?” 

  “It’s the best thing possible ever, I tell you! The Lord has answered all of my prayers!”

  “This is all so exciting and all, mother, but… could you please share this great news already?” 

  My mother cups my face in her hands, and beams at me, “You need to pack your things, darling! Your father’s good friend, Reverend Undersee, has found a husband, and you are to wed, in three days time!”

  —————————

Reverend Undersee and his daughter, Madge, meet me and my mother at the rinky dink bus station, in the equally tiny town my mother has banished me to.

  “Katniss! How long has it been?” Says Madge, hugging me enthusiastically.

  I bite my tongue to keep the acidic retort of “not long enough!” to leave my mouth. 

  “Welcome to Panem,” says the reverend, soberly, shaking my mother’s hand in greeting.

  “Thank you, revered. We appreciate your hospitality and your understanding,” my mother responds, then gives me a pointed look and a wordless command. 

  I nod and mutter, “Thank you, sir. Madge,” 

  I scowl at a crack in the pavement, not feeling an iota of gratefulness for this charade! 

  Any man agreeing to this questionable union has to either be desperate, or be hiding terrible, ulterior motives to go along with all of this. Nobody in their right mind would willingly marry a girl pregnant with another man’s baby, and be happy about it… unless that’s the reason! 

  I shudder at the thought. 

  But it is a very real possibility that my intended is a simpleton, who can’t find a wife otherwise… or worse! It could be a man very advanced in age, looking for a supple, young body to leech off. Gross!

  My mother had been too excited about the news that a man offered to marry me (as if I asked for, or even wanted a husband!) to bother to ask his name. 

  Reverend Undersee coughs daintily, clears his throat, and starts, like he’s giving a lecture at the university. “It is our Christian duty to lend a helping hand to widows and orphans in their time of needs. Same way it’s our duty to keep the memory and honor of an old friend from being dragged into the mud.”

  I wince at the harsh words, and let my face fall lower, if that’s even possible. 

  “Well, it’s a good thing that we are all recipients of the abundant grace of the Lord, which covers multitude of faults, and it’s never hard to reach,” a deep, velvety, masculine voice cuts into my embarrassment. 

  I lift my eyes from the ground, to find a man striding confidently in our direction. He smiles kindly at me, his eyes fixed on my own, like I’m the only person still standing in the station.

  He finally cedes our staring contest, to take in the rest of the group.

  A knot forms in the pit of my stomach, because I recognize him from years past when my family used to visit this town, and I’m afraid I know exactly why he’s here. 

  “Good afternoon, all. I apologize for my tardiness, I had a last second detail to take care of before leaving the house,” he nods in our general direction, taking his hat off; a riot of ashy blonde curls falls onto his forehead, before bending forward to shake my mother’s hand, “I’m Peeta Mellark, at your service, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

  “Likewise, mister Mellark,” says my mother, her lips twitch tersely, “Widow Everdeen, and this here is my daughter Katniss… your bride.” 

  Peeta Mellark’s baby blue eyes slip back to mine, and the left side corner of lips curls into a shy, earnest smile. “Welcome to Panem, Katniss, I’ll sure do my best, so you’d like it here.”