#also yeah we tried to speak to them
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Can someone please Help me learn ignoring very loud neighbors please. I am so very Close to having an anxiety Attack because of it
#guys no joke#they have been loudly rummaging#singing and yelling#ever since they moved in 2 months ago#every day it sounds like they are either moving in or out AGAIN#you can't have so much furniture in your house TO HAVE TO MOVE IT AROUND THREE TIMES A DAY#also yeah we tried to speak to them#they speak neither german nor english nor spanish#so we gave them a very nice letter in slowenian#in which we kindly remind them that everyone in this house looks after one another#we gave them this letter together with sweets#and they returned the sweets#together with a letter of their own#where they said#OUR CHILD IS LITTLE WE CANT TO ANYTHING ALSO YOUR DOG BARKED ONCE!!!!!!!!ONCE AT NIGHT SO WE CAN DO WHAT WE WANT!!!!#YOUR CHILD IS NOT DOING A STAMPEDE UPSTAIRS ITS FUCKING 1 YEAR OLD#ALSO YOUR CHILD IS NOT PARTYING AT 2 O CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING#i can't read anymore without headphones#i can't sleep anymore w/o headphones#i am watching television right now with headphones#i am fucking going insane
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juvie buddies
#alek art#td duncan#td mal#total drama#total drama all stars#(if i want to get technical)#2024#duncan is around 15 here... mal is around 16#ive thought really hard about them these past few days . in my brain they actually knew each other and canon is different#duncan and mike got along really well. in juvie mal refused to speak to anyone about anything and would fight as many people as he could .#he wanted to stay in there and far away from home . they get roomed together and duncan is the first person who mal can talk to . he isnt#scared of him . he relates to him a lot . like -> wow we both act out for attention and people think we are terrible because of it#duncan being a mentally ill teenager seeing mal an also very mentally ill teenager thought 'i can fix him' . mike and duncan speak too here#i cant really see anyone else fronting besides those two . their brain was on lockdown and mike wanted out so bad . i see manitoba as a#gatekeeper so hed handle some sessions with their psych. i want to say they (duncan and mike) get moved to a psyche ward just because#i have more knowledge on being in one and how it goes ... but yeah i like duncan mal a lot . this art isnt ship whatsoever though 🙏 i dont#see them as a couple their dynamic is just better as friends imo#but anyways in all stars they obviously recognize each other but have an unspoken agreement not to say anything abt it#duncan is a known criminal but mike isnt like that . mike hadnt even told zoey about that part of his life . so duncan wanted to respect his#privacy -> then mal starts hurting people and he has to step in . mal isnt a good person by any means but i dont think he was that bad in#juvie . so duncan had to come to terms that his friend wasnt the same person he was years ago (in all stars duncan is ~18 and i think mike#is almost 20... so it had been a while since they last talked)#them getting each other like no other and being in pain because they couldnt really speak . i see them having a conversation still in moon#madness abt their past and history . god i just think abt them and their wasted potential wdym mike and duncan were in juvie together#duncan was in for trespassing or destruction of private property or something really dumb . mal fought his parent(s) and got in for assault#mal was already in when duncan was placed . and duncan was let out early on good behavior + his parents (dad) mostly did it to teach him a#lesson . wrong of them or otherwise . so mal was just kinda stuck there until they realized he was actually not right in the head . think he#knew abt their DID but was only diagnosed in juvie and had to go from there . tbh he shouldve been tried as an adult but td logic . doesnt#matter dw guys . mike gets the 'was put on random meds that made him go braindead' treatment bc that was me . post mental hospital abilify#had me messed up
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all hate to tiktok for taking 'having a space to more openly and actively talk about different cultures' to mean 'cultures are NOT to be shared and we must be vigilantly defensive of our cultures for fear of appropriation, a word that can be applied to any multicultural interaction'. like of course cultural appropriation is a very real problem but ive seen with the access to global multicultural conversation that tiktok provides it's made people TERRIFIED to even interact with cultures other than their own for fear of 'doing it wrong'. like at some point you have to acknowledge that in the real world of the great outdoors, the majority of people are eager to SHARE their cultures. yes there are ignorant questions and biases but also... how do you think those things get unlearnt? i dont understand how deciding that multiculturalism is an elephant in the room instead of a normal thing that should just be talked about and lived with is supposed to benefit anyone? and kids on tiktok are CONVINCED that it's a time bomb of a conversation to have and therefore must be avoided at all costs but like. people generally LOVE their home and their culture and are PROUD of it and want to share it. how have we made it so that showing genuine interest and a desire to understand something so integral to a person's identity is now feared and borderline demonised?
#thinking about this a lot lately. thinking about how fun it was comparing cultural differences in america#thinking of how when i was homesick one thing i found a great comfort in was talking about my home#and how it differed and i really loved and appreciated it when people would ask me about england#in a way that they genuinely just wanted to learn about it and not to take the piss#thinking about how the kitchen at work has chefs from all over europe. we have an irish chef and a spanish chef and an italian chef#and one of the kps is from eastern europe (i havent actually been able to find out where yet) etc and the way they banter with each other#like usually chefs are Problematic bc their humour is VERY abrasive and usually offensive#but this is one instance where it's actually to their benefit bc they're so unafraid to ADDRESS THE FACT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES#i feel like the tiktok gen are so petrified of even acknowledging other cultures let alone discussing them#that it's actually sending the conversation backwards. like how does hoarding your culture and pretending it's not there benefit anyone#LET ALONE YOU AND THE CULTURE IN QUESTION. idk it just baffles me a bit that something that started as people on tiktok#genuinely spreading information and talking about the BAD side of this where people DO culturally appropriate or invade spaces that arent#theirs has now become 'for fear of speaking bad about it we will not speak about it at all'. and they'll crucify you if you do. like what#even at uni my best mate is indian and she's too scared to join the sikh society on her own so i regularly go to the events with her#and im typically one of the handful (or the only) white non-sikh there and i get SO welcomed each time#like there's such a genuine excitement to share the culture with someone who is effectively a blank slate#and like yeah ill ask 'dumb' questions or i'll have different experiences (tried a samosa for the first time at one of these events#and the moment that info got out i had like five STRANGERS trying to give me different samosas to try and it was genuinely such#a laugh bc yes they were TEASING me bc 'how have you never had one' but they were also really eager to share MORE as a result)#ugh idk what im saying. i just think it's a shame to watch this happen in real time on the internet#when if people would just go outside and actually TALK to people from other cultures they'd realise 9 times out of 10 the interactions#are actually really really nice for BOTH parties. and actually refusing to talk about this stuff is long-term pretty fucking detrimental#and it also goes the other way!!! like imagine if i - citizen of colonisation motherland herself - didn't interact with other cultures#and didnt ask questions or hear their opinions on whatever shared history we have from THEIR POINT OF VIEW#imagine the kind of shit id be internalising bc i only hung out with other white british people. it wouldnt matter if i was doing it#to be woke or 'respect their culture'. it would still be fucking ignorant. like half my interactions with other cultures#see me as the butt of the joke bc of this like aforementioned irish chef at work VOCALLY slates the english all the time#but it's done in an environment where we're FRIENDS and it's poking fun at each other while still addressing a very serious history. like??#idk if any of this is worded in a way that makes sense but yeah. i have thoughts#cant believe i got inspired to make an actually serious post bc of the CHEFS AT WORK. embarrassing. no one let them see this
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THERES A NEW CAT IN MY NEIGHBOURHOOD!!!!
#this is big news#when we first moved here a few years ago there were 3 cats#and I put literally all of my time and effort into befriending them#and did not introduce myself to any of the neighbours LOL#Anyway long story short turns out my partner knew two of our neighbours#and bumped into them and he was like yeah my boyfriend and I just moved into [flat number] and they both looked at each other and were like#weird cat man lives there!!#and apparently use to watch me speaking to the cats bfbfbfb#BUT ANYWAY basically the owners of those cats moved away </33#so have had no friends (cats) for the past year </33#UNTIL TODAY#I tried to pspsps it over but it ran away </33#but I think I can befriend it#at least now people know me and don’t think I’m some weirdo stealing cats#if I put half as much effort into befriending people as I do cats it would probably resolve a lot of issues lol#personal#ALSO those neighbours have offered for me to come up to their flat and pet their two cats but I’m too awkward to#take them up on their invite lol
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Howdy jacksprostate can you give us some thoughts on the narrators father/upbringing? Im curious on how you interpret what the book/movie gave us in terms of his absent dad
Also i love ur posts btw and thank you for replying to like all of my fight club art 😭 It genuinely pushes me to make more for the community so i thank you
Howdy :)
The narrator's father is an important, ever present, and completely lacking figure in the book and movie. (Obligatory disclaimer I mostly focus on the book) Here's some things I've been thinking about:
The chapter detailing fight club, its start, its rules, is intertwined with fatherhood. As the narrator explains his first punch with Tyler, as he looks upon his new disciples, as Tyler reads out the rules:
"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer.
Tyler never knew his father.
Maybe self-destruction is the answer."
"Me, I knew my dad for about six years, but I don't remember anything. My dad, he starts a new family in a new town about every six years. This isn't so much like a family as it's like he sets up a franchise.
What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women."
You have the lines, Tyler’s in the movie, the narrator’s in the book, you have:
"My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college.
After college, I called him long distance and said, now what?
My dad didn't know.
When I got a job and turned twenty-five, long distance, I said, now what? My dad didn't know, so he said, get married.
I'm a thirty-year-old boy, and I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need."
You have:
"Tyler was fighting his father.
Maybe we didn't need a father to complete ourselves. There's nothing personal about who you fight in fight club."
And you have his boss; his boss he blows up, Tyler constantly tells the narrator how he could do it, Tyler’s words come out against his boss about how he could shoot up the office, begging to be punished, using the copy machines, begging for more than nothingness; you have:
“The problem is, I sort of liked my boss.
If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And sometimes you find your father in your career.
Except Tyler didn’t like my boss.”
You have:
“I am Joe’s Broken Heart because Tyler’s dumped me. Because my father dumped me. Oh, I could go on and on.”
You have, Tyler’s words in the mechanic’s mouth:
“"Your father was your model for God.
…
If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?
…
What you end up doing … is you spend your life searching for a father and God.
What you have to consider … is the possibility that God doesn’t like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen."
How Tyler saw it was that getting God’s attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God’s hate was better than His indifference.
If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?
We are God’s middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention.
Unless we get God’s attention, we have no hope of damnation or Redemption.
Which is worse, hell or nothing?
Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”
And we have Tyler using paraffin, so the narrator can be in Heaven, chided by God.
So like, what does it all mean?
A generation of men raised by women. His dad franchises, he’s not sure if another woman is really what we need. Men with no male models. Men with shit fucking fathers who are fighting them with impersonal proxies. Men who know they're destroying themselves because they have no constructive examples to follow because every single man just fails every son.
And that IS important. It's important to note there is misogyny in the fact that men demand male idols and refuse to even borrow women, but can I condemn them for the same thing I know matters to myself? Can I condemn them for wanting to see men who aren't shit, when I want to see women who aren't shit, when I want to see both not fucking failing their children? Shit fathers fuck over everyone, I don't think it's wrong to see that problem. It's classic male to say it by implying women are lesser, so fucking classic, but it IS true — they're in large part like this because men fucking fail everyone including each other and themselves. There is a gaping, wide fucking asshole where decent men should be, and they’re throwing fits about it rather than stepping up, but I think it’s notable that the narrator DID break the cycle. He’s not franchising.
And man, the Christian thing. Your father is your model for God because that is the point. Patriarchal religion serves a damn purpose. The father anoints himself as God, tells his children to have unbreakable faith, then disappears. What a shit fucking father. Isn’t disillusionment inevitable? When you can’t find him in his petty figures, not in your father, not in your boss?
Truth is, he says it twice. He likes his boss. As a person maybe. He’s around. But he’s absent too. He doesn’t give a shit. Just like his fucking father, he’s putting him in shit situations, telling him that’s just how it is, and expecting him to, what, be happy with it?
He likes his boss, but a part of him really wants to kill him. He likes his boss, but he begs his boss to do something, anything other than indifference. And he doesn’t. So the narrator invents his own boss, his own father, his own God, and he kills his boss, and he’d kill God and his father if they weren’t already practically dead and gone.
Dead and gone, even if they're there, he could beg them to care and they wouldn't. Society is set up for them to be the ultimate judgement, the hallmark by which you can measure yourself, the ruler for your fucking life, especially as a guy. And you get nothing. Indifference at best. Be the best son, disciple, worker you can, your boss God father doesn't give a shit. Self improvement isn't the answer. Wouldn't it be better, to know God, your father, your boss cared enough even if it's just to hate you?
Wouldn't it be great to track him down, tell God, "I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."
He externalizes all that violence, it’s always Tyler who wants to kill his boss, who says he wants to be God’s enemy. And Tyler is his stand in boss father God, so just like the others, he leaves him. Even his fantasies can’t imagine better.
And honestly, yeah. Myself, I’ve got a pretty good dad. He loves me. He’s been around. I still hate his guts. He abuses my mom and I hate his fucking guts for it. If you asked my brothers, maybe they wouldn’t have that “but”. What he does to my mom is so baked into society that he may as well be a five star father. He’s not beating us. He’s still here. Can it really get better? I have friends that love their dads. But I don’t have any friends that love their dads that don’t have shit moms. When it’s not the choice between bad and worse. The bar is so low. What does that mean for us?
It’s so easy to point at all this and be disturbed and angry about this pathetic fucking white man letting his daddy issues result in terrorism, and like, yeah. But god, fucking everyone has daddy issues, and we shouldn’t. He’s right that it’s a problem. What to fucking do.
Fight Club sits as a “how to NOT deal with several major crippling problems in society,” obviously. But what are we doing to do? It’s not up to me, obviously. I’m not a man, father, not even someone who could raise her standards for the man she partners with, because I don’t do that shit. And hell, you raise your standards and men say you’re killing them and shoot up all the women in an engineering class because jobs are making them too uppity. So. It’s up to them, whether they decide that the fallout of having such a shit father means they should, I don’t know, change something. But as it is, father as God, boss as father is baked into society, the paternalism is extensive and everywhere. It’s baked in.
The narrator is a product of so many issues. A little clown car of a vehicle for them. I don’t really need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because really, as he accurately assesses, “if his parents weren’t divorced, his father was never home, and here he’s looking at me with half my face clean shaved and half a leering bruise hidden in the dark. Blood shining on my lips. And maybe Walter’s thinking about a meatless, painfree potluck he went to last weekend or the ozone or the Earth’s desperate need to stop cruel product testing on animals, but he’s probably not.”
Most people, on an overwhelming scale, due to how the world is damn designed, do not need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because damn if it’s not relevant even if your dad was home.
#asks#fight club#i ended up letting the quotes speak for themselves a lot because I think once you put them side by side like this there's a lot you can#connect on your own#tried to ramble a little about it though yeah#also again i'm so glad you enjoy my comments and i'm glad it encourages you :)#tl;dr fight club does great at pointing out that the whole “women have daddy issues” thing is soooooo much projection#like yeah we do. everyone does. but oh my fucking god men live and die by how crippled they feel by their fathers
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KazuRei Week Day 1 - Growing Old
when miri is fully grown and moves away from the family home, the papas move to the countryside and become the unofficial elder gays in the little village
#the papas deserve a good rest from the bustle of the city#rei is wearing a samue ! he likes casual yukatas bc its simple and loose (and very different from the suits that he used to wear)#kazuki just likes to wear a shirt and basketball shorts lmao#he also has a bit of a beer belly ;w;#most of the townsfolk privately refer to them as elder gays even tho they never officially told anyone but cmon.#no one's falling for the ''we've been roommates for almost four decades'' bs#they suck at giving advice tho... (baby gay: how did you guys come out to your parents?#kazuki: never told mine. we already weren't on speaking terms when i met rei so.#rei (trying not to say that his father tried to assassinate both his husband and child when he found out): ... yeah same#((also yes this is all inspired by barakamon lmao. its one of my favourite animes - slice of life comedy and has lots of cute kids in it!))#anyways first prompt done woo!!! happy kazurei week everybody!#this is the first fan week that im gonna participate in all the days (hopefully lmao i still have to do two other prompts)#also i tried to do a different style than my usual in the first pic and even tho im not entirely happy with it its eh. fine. lol#i just like rotating this half-cooked au in my mind hkfhkjfdgs#buddy daddies#kazurei#kazurei week 2023
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Can- can I ask about the Somali pirates?
Hi hi, Lili! Yes, of course. Tbh I shouldn't have called them "pirates" they are known as such and treated like villains, but they're more like unofficial naval guard! The official naval guard was disbanded in the 90's due to the civil war that broke out [btw this civil war is why I'm diaspora! My maternal family fled to Djibouti or elsewhere. My dad came to Canada due to it.] Anyway! Other nations took advantage of this as they tended to do and started fishing illegally in the waters! Somali citizens rely on fishing to live [also farming and agriculture bc I also recall there was a drought and famine going on] so they turned to "piracy" to stop these thieves from stealing from them! Of course, these outsiders didn't like it and called it "piracy." they shouldn't be there in the first place!!!
BFJRKRKRKR I TALKED IM THE TAGS AND REACHED THE LIMIT I AM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO
Other than Puntland there is also Jubbaland ok lol I love talking about my people's history too much
#momo's fantastical replies#so anyway I saw other Somali ppl calling them the naval guard and jumped on it#but I have always gotten heated when ppl treated Somali Pirates like villains#but iirc even South Park defended them? lol they even got ppl speaking Somali in it!#talking about how they did this for survival!#lili#lixenn#also yeah sure they fuck ppl up but I consider this a 'fuck around and find out'#stop taking advantage of poor countries!!! especially when they are due to outside meddling forces!!#random but somalia makes me so sad bc of how destablized it is#somaliland is a lot more peaceful and has been but recently its gotten more dangerous due to#Somalia's destablization#djibouti seems fine as ever tho lol happy for them but wish somalia would fuck off already [with somaliland]#lili if you are wondering djibouti/somalia/somaliland and parts of kenya and ethiopoa#ethiopia* are all where Somali ppl are from#the parts of K and E were stolen while Somali ppl were getting colonized [so fuck Kenya and Ethiopia too tbh! who does that?]#but all 5 places are why Somalia's flag is a 5 point star! this siginifies we are all one#its funny bc Somaliland was a country before Somalia but then joined Somalia bc of false promises Somalia made#anyway the false promises was unity but the president/dictator named Mohamed Siad Barre#was all 'we should all band together...and kill Isaaq tribe! true unity after for real though'#and then Darood and I a few other major tribes tried that#Isaaq survived but there was in fact a genocide#they fled to what is Somaliland today! apparently they keep the bullet holes in the structure to remember what Darood/Somalia did#bc to these day these bitches deny it#diaspora somali ppl from somalia are especially insistend of this and im like...you stupid puppet you werent even there#I know this despite being Darood bc my parents arent puppets and also my mom is Isaaq tribe#what else? oh there are other places as Somali ppl within Africa become disapora#so strange right?#there is also Puntland [based off the ancient land that is said to be Ancient Somalia--#fun fact our queen from that time named Queen Arrarwelo was said to be friends with Queen Sheba of ancient Ethiopia]
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I had the feeling my mom has been trying to start shit since I woke up, and then at the end of the day she succeeded in that task, all because I dared to ask when that godawful hallmark Christmas movie was going to end, it was even a very heated argument
#she tried to start with some chores which i did then tried to start shit by saying that i didn't do it then the fucking hallmark movie does#it like i was just asking so i could know when me and my brother could watch our stuff and i started to complain only when she saw starting#ANOTHER hallmark movie and she has her own fucking tv in her bedroom i wouldn't complain about it if it wasn't for that she also has the#childish thing that she goes 'yeah i'll go in a bit' and she makes the whole thing finish and we can't watch shit because then she complain#about the volume of the tv girl you have your tv you can watch your shitty hallmark all you want also because no one likes them other than#you and dad jesus christ#then she starts shit because i told her what she wanted to know 🫠 girl get a fucking grip you sound like your father#raine speaks
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"i thought you said you'd make an effort" MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS ONLY COMPLAINT #1 OUT OF A VERY LONG LIST JUST BE GRATEFUL I CAN WAIT UNTIL THE GUESTS ARE GONE TO SNAP
#YEAH I MAKE AN EFFORT THATS WHY I ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STUFF I REALLY CANNOT DEAL WITH LONGTERM#god#it's just#incredibly annoying how my mom just goes OUT OF HER WAY to shrink the scope again when i just explained to her what would work#''so you can't speak up and if we do nothing it doesn't work'' yeah no shit then speak up YOU then. like i just said you probably should#i mean. you did say you don't control what guests bring. BUT YES YOU DO#yes you can speak to them about it#you can discuss and make it less systematic#you can express your thoughts#so you actually just lie to sympathize with me but you don't give a shit#and yet you still act like you tried everything like you just don't know what else could be done#i told you what was my problem i told you what would make it better#say you have other priorities#say you expect me to make an effort and not to be the fucking freak i was my whole childhood#that you were kind enough to tolerate most of the time#even though i was sooooo fucking weird when you knew i had problems but couldn't categorize them so why would i need to do things different#say you don't understand why i hurts me if i can ''try to make an effort''#sorry the only kind of family reunion we have is food-based and i can't try and have good relationships w my family if i dont can it#and eat whatever's in front of me so that they can be happy i'm finally normal and grown up#god jesus christ#yeah it IS your house and i don't get to veto or force anything#dont act surprised when your smart plan for dealing with difficult things is expect your kid to shut the fuck up about any problem they hav#and then huh. weird. your kid isn't happy.#i try to foster a good relationship holy shit#i try to go past the things i don't like and compromise and engage w them#how is that not doing my best#i'm sorry i don't feel great when difficult things happen and also i can't control any of it#when you can and you've also shown me many time i can't expect actually meaningful support from you#broadcasting my misery#vent
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sorry everyone ;; it might take longer for me to write these letters but ill try to finish by end of the month
#im also super sorry about last night orz#im still upset but eh we have to keep going unfortunately bc thats just how time works lmao#but yeah it just might take me longer to write them than expected#regardless of yesterday im putting my foot down and giving myself metime today instead of studying till 11 pm/12 am lmao#the only thing im hoping for is if they let me go early today#yesterday there wasnt a lot of activity going on but maybe something today idk#snow speaks#i tried to finish one letter last night before the Bad Stuff happened and well. didnt get to finish it as a result#theres also just a lot of stuff i gotta think about too but 🤷🏼
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i personally think it would've been really funny if angel blades didn't work on human beings
#idk some testament to god's love for humanity#''my children cannot harm my most beautiful creation'' or wtv#metatron tries to stab dean and it's like that scene from knives out#u know when ransom tries to kill marta#also something about cas never wanting to hurt dean and his blade being able to reflect that#my blade is only for dean never against him#cas giving his blade to dean cut me up as you please#which isn't to say angels cant kill ppl i mean we all seen them use their powers on humans#i just think it'd be cool and maybe a little funny#but yeah dean giving cas the first blade = cas handing off his angel blade to dean#i trust you and only you with this. nothing is stopping you from using it against me but i trust that you won't#idk man smth about it#OH. also. proof that even former angels are still decidedly ANGELS. even without powers#i've always hated the whole ''oh i'm human now that my grace is gone'' u cannot just. turn into a human being. ur a different species#cas is still an angel. CAS GETS STABBED BY APRIL AND DEAN IS SCRAMBLING ''WHY IS HE DYING HE'S HUMAN NOW''#cas will never be human ever and that's on god...#he will always be Other. i love that. it also makes former angels MORE vulnerable than regular humans. so crazy#cee speaks
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me and my sister went to the mall today and we ran into hot topic so fucking fast it was unbelievable. me and my sister are literal opposites when it comes to fashion. she picked pink, pastel shit like she was trying to be all uwu kawaii meanwhile im just standing here with my arms full of emo and goth shit, i legit felt like daigo and masato with all this emo drip i had walked out with. (p.s. they should put yakuza stuff in hot topic if they havent already because i have yet to have any yakuza related things in my room </3 also hot topic is like the only store i will shop at)
im so sorry to say these words to you but reading this reminded me of my immortal
#snap chats#I ALSO HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK THOUGH CAUSE I LITERALLY JUST GOT BACK FROM HOT TOPIC AND SPENCERSLKEAKVJA#rubbing off my fucking eyeliner as we speak im no better than a goffick and im sure the stuff you got was actually real fire and im jealous#i actually wore my hakuho pin out today- i pinned it on my back jean jacket. not to flex on you or anything 🥴#i remember the day my college friend said something about me being goth and i looked like a dumbass saying 'im not goth...'#when all i ever did was wear black. and tbf i toned it down a LOT while i was at school. i wanted to be normal-passing 😭😭#that aside i only went in to get jewelry and a new belt chain. also a kirby keychain and nail polish#but like it was that Blackheart brand so you know i just wanted it for the skull container and the name. also i was running out#my hot topic really doesnt have any clothes- or at least clothes i fuck with like its mostly skirts and puffy-sleeved shirts#and yeah those are epic and awesome but they're not my style yk. love it on other people just not on me#i usually get my clothes from like. express or skate shops. very different fashions as you can see LMAOOO#like today i got this really pretty crane shirt and then like. i got a black-and-white striped long sleeve with a skeleton hand patch LMAO#UGH im pissed i didnt get the red and black variant too but i didnt think bout it til i already left#i want to get new boots- the ones i have now are great and i love them but i want something chunkier#my 'goth' fashion is really lowkey honestly like i hardly consider myself goth cause of it- its very casual ig#ignore the fuck-you amount of rings i wear ok. theyre pretty..... also they have certain meanings sometimes#like i wear an owl ring cause it reminds me of my sis since she loved owls growing up and went to a uni with an owl mascot#i wear a dragon ring sometimes cause dragons remind me of my dad. for whatever reason.#idk its cause he tried to convince me i was born year of the dragon when i wasnt ?? idk funny guy lmao#and then i already said i wore snake stuff and crosses cause I Hate My Mom. also i was born a snake#also my dads a christian so :] i will wear two cross rings and a cross necklace tyvm love you pops i wish you were around more#uhhh did i want to say anything else. idk im just dumping about my emo bullshit thanks for reading ☠️☠️#if this wasnt my yakuza blog id actually just show the haul i got today BUT i will spare you lot from my emo bullshit#ok ill kill the tags here now im SILLY
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#the worst thing about having the death of a family member either human or animal is that#when you go back through your pictures of them#you know how the story ends#and it makes all the happiness a little bittersweet#like dark chocolate#its warm and enjoyable and good enough that you keep coming back for it#but it has this bitter and drying note to it that you only remember when it hits you again#and yet you keep going back for more because remembering the good and happy times is just so sweet and warm#enough to offset the sadness until it hits again#reminiscing has its drawbacks and hindsight is 20/20 so you start to look at the photos like 'thats when it started and we didnt know yet'#and 'you can tell he was ill at this point what we didnt know anything was wrong because he still acted normal'#and 'we had no idea how bad it would get so we tried to keep things normal for his sake to keep him comfortable'#and even back before the end when it was 'he was so happy in this photo' with the heaviness of the word 'was'#yeah it was the past but it was also when he was alive#and having the double meaning carried by the single word of 'was' makes it dangerously easy to tip the weight of those emotions over#anyway if im laying down and i cry then my tears go into my ears and it feels very weird#almost as weird as living in a world without him#punny speaks#tw death mention#tw death
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Adding: if you live somewhere rural/out in the country like I do there’s a whole host of wild animals that could/would attack your dog. I hear of this fairly regularly where I’m at. Dogs getting into it with coyotes and all that. It may not kill them all the time but it sure does leave you with a nasty vet bill and a now likely traumatized dog. Like deer, wild turkeys, coyotes, wolves, etc. do not need your dog bothering them and your dog doesn’t need to be bothered by them as well. Just put your dog on a leash, please. I love my dog dearly, and because of that I keep him on a leash when out and about. And because I also respect the environment and things and people and animals around me.
Everyone else talked about outdoor cats, it's time for me to talk about offleash dogs
#can’t stress this enough#we also hear of dogs managing to get into pastures and getting hurt and/or killed by cows and horses and all that cause they spook them#so please just keep your dog on a leash it’s not that hard#or if ur gonna let them off leash you’d better make sure their training is impeccable cause sometimes it doesn’t take much for shit to#hit the fan#we also hear stories of ppl letting their dogs off leash on equestrian trails and spooking the horses there as well#which can harm the horse the dog the rider etc.#just please#cliffs are also a huge hazard too#just…yeah#mars speaks#years of volunteering in an animal shelter have provided me with too many horror stories#I’ll never let my dog off leash no matter how confident I may be in him and his listening skills and all that#also adding: my dog is dog aggressive so me keeping him on leash helps prevent any incidents#but that also needs to be reciprocated like one of the points states above#cause even if ur dog is friendly and comes up to my unfriendly dog my dog isn’t gonna care that ur dog is friendly he’s gonna bite#or something and like…yeah I’d have to take the fall for it#we tried him on a muzzle but he hated it so he has a little vest that says he’s other dog aggressive and not good w/ kids#but still…like…that vest will only do so much
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Unfortunately my mother and I are mirrors to each other so every time she makes a stupid decision I feel like I'm in a soundproof room screaming at her to stop. But ofc she doesn't.
#it's also just annoying to see how much I am like her.#like yeah. I learned to stop giving people so many chances. but how many times did I get burned before I learned that#and then I watch my mother continue giving people who've hurt her yet another chance and it's like NO STOP!! IT WON'T BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME#but I get it. I have always wanted a close-knit family. I wanted aunts and uncles I knew loved me and I could rely on#grandparents who'd move mountains for me. a family I felt safe and secure in.#but then again I've also wanted to move far away from them all as possible. start over. never answer calls. become completely self-reliant#neither thing ever happened. reality lies somewhere in between.#I gave up on speaking to my brother years ago. my mother tries for 44 years to get hers to treat her like a person. neither of us win.#what can we do except continue
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remember being a teen and watching shit like soul eater and kimono jihen and thinking god damn i wish I had a perpetually exhausted but badass mentor to help me get through things?
well now im 27 and im the perpetually exhausted mentor with bedhead and a slight alcohol problem to my 15 year old cousin and im gonna tear my hair out about not being able to just let her stay for a bit because i know it doesnt matter fuck all what i say to her dad, shes still gonna be treated like shit just because shes a moody teen with undiagnosed add and an autustic brother who constantly talks over everyone. i suddenly need a cigarette.
#like he was going on about shes doing bad in school because she sleeps late and all she needs to do#is got to bed early!!! reset her internal clock!!#BRO IM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE AT 27 STILL ONLY FALLING ASLEEP AT 5AM AND WAKING AT NOON BEVAUSE THATS NOT A THING YOU CAN CONTROL#ESPECIALLY WITH ADD/ADHD.#IM LITERALLY DIAGNOSED I CAN TELL YOU YOURE WRONG AND I CAN EVEN SOURCE THE ARTICLES THAT EXPLAIN WHY#FUCKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME#im still mad cause i sat with with poor kid while she tried to keep from bawling her eyes out because she made a snarky comment#about her brother talking about his coin collecting (and to be clean its not jus tthat he cant understand social cues he just literally#never stops making noise. we all know he cant control it but we also all know its because his parents denied he was autistic until he was 21#despite the fact he stopped maturing at 11. we love him.to death but oh my god i cant handle it for two visits a year#Of course his sibling feel like they live in an insane asylum)#like yeah it was a rude comment but fuck can you blame her?????? when shes silenced because he talks over everyone then gets awkward#because she has no idea what to say when she DOES get the chance to speak of course shes going to resent him#ALSO NOT TO MENTIONT HE FACT SHES CHINESE AND WERE ARE ALL VERY VERY WHITE#SHES GOT OTHER SHIT SHE SHOULD BE IN THERAPY FOR#DO NOT MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED FOR HER BY BRINGING ACTUAL SYMPTOMS AND HER SCHOOLING INTO THIS#My god i hate academics like the world does not end because you failed a math class. i dropped out at 16 and all the useful skills i have#i gained after the world opened up when i left and i wasnt being told no thats not on a standardized test you cant do that#im much fucking happier and frankly intelligent than the rest of my family thats wasted time on universities#and like being happy is what matter#why would you wsnt her to be “sucessful” if she isnt also happy#like if school fucking sucks for her then why send her to a rich white private school and fucking SUMMER SCHOOL#imo thats just abuse#like the graded education system is inherently abusive anyway but its worse when its pushed on her like that#i need to move so we have room out east for her to come stay and maybe do some classes free of them#but i dont work and cant drive so i cant help her#hell i can barely take care of myself#but im just so fucking mad on her behalf and she doesnt deserve to feel this way#its happened twice in the three days shes been here#just they all need therapy but they need to fucking listen to her ans i know she wont even feel okay speaking up
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