#also wanna get into more nautical books

[tryingtimi]

To Read in 2025

Thank you for the tag @goldfinchwrites! Always love seeing what everyone wanna get their hands on.

Bunch of litfic, magical realism, auto-buy epic fantasy and non-fic in the future. Very excited for the next year.

No pressure tagging: @bloodlessheirbyjacques, @the-void-writes, @barbex, @wildswrites, @tc-doherty, @erensattacktitancock, @astarlightmonbebe, @daydreamodyssey, @sodaliteskull, @indigowriting, @forthesanityofsome, @aalinaaaaaa and anyone who would like to join!

[i-am-church-the-cat]

more married loscar lore pretty pls

Sure. I wanna talk about their wedding so let’s do that. In my au, they get married right after the end of the F3 championship, so December 2020

They get married in Australia but do their honeymoon on a yacht in the Keys

The Piastris aren’t religious but the Sargeants are, so they get married in a chapel but Benny officiates

Logan’s best man is Dalton but Kyle and Fred are his other two groomsmen

Oscar has has his first two sisters as groomswomen and then the youngest is the flower girl. His best man is Robert

They get married like a month after they get engaged (Oscar proposed like, the day of the F3 championship) so nothing is planned, they pretty much just do the ceremony and then dip

Oscar wears black, Logan wears white, all of their groomspeople wear blue

Oscar’s dad walks him down the aisle but Logan’s mom walks him down the aisle

They don’t write their own vows, neither of them have time for that shit, but Oscar keeps making comments between the little blurbs Benny is saying and Logan is trying not to laugh bc it’s their WEDDING

Kobe (Benny’s son) is the ring bearer

They get married at night bc that’s the only time they can find, and all of their pictures are very dark and a little blurry bc they didn’t have time to find a professional. Except, there’s one taken with the moon right behind them and it’s the one they have framed in their apartment

Logan scammed his uncle into giving him an Aston Martin as a wedding present bc he didn’t tell him he was gay and marrying a man so that’s what they leave the ceremony in

They’re actually still on their honeymoon during Logan’s birthday so they celebrate by launching fireworks off of the boat (Logan’s idea). They get the Coast Guard called on them

Both of their rings are a mix of silver and stainless steel bc they are poor. They are also have magnetic inserts so they click together whenever they put their hands near each other. They talk about getting new ones when they sign their F1 contracts but they’re both too attached to the ones they have now

Oscar’s wedding present to Logan is that chain he always wears, bc it’s less conspicuous than a wedding ring

Logan’s wedding present for Oscar is inspired by @nautical-nasa and it’s OP81 tattooed on his lower back (Logan doesn’t know what a tramp stamp is and Oscar is caught between hilarity and horniness)

Their wedding anniversary is December 27th bc it was the least-booked date. There’s a nativity scene set up in the background of some of their photos

Alright, that’s it for now. Thanks for the ask anon, I love talking about these two.

[missrandomdreamer]

Hey, saw your Stardew Valley Asks and just wanna say thank you! I'd love to use it.✨️

I saw your farmer is an Elliott lover and fishing fan too and you've answered all relationship asks, so I have some others to ask.

Introduction: 4, 5, 8, 9 , 10 , 12, 13, 15

Farm Life: 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8

Take care and have a nice day/evening/night!❤️

Of course! Thank YOU so much! <3 Also love that you love Elliot and are also angler! Your Farmer is so so cute! <3 Totes will send some Asks your way ;3 here are my answers though for the ones you sent I also hope you have a lovely day/evening/night as well! <3

Intro Questions:

4. Signature accessory: Roan's signature accessory is probably going to be her sea captain's hat. Sometimes she will change it up but more often than not you will always find her with that on ;3

5. Aesthetic: I feel like down to her core she has a nautical aesthetic with a sprinkle of cottage core with a smidge of academia.

8. Roan's hobbies consist of reading, researching, going through the artifacts with Gunther and beach-combing. :D With her research she is always wanting to know how Junimos are involved with the history of Stardew Valley and also the story of the Mariner on the shore.

9. It takes a little bit of pushing from Elliot for Roan to relax, I feel a lot of the time she is just going or wanting to research (Which is a form of relaxation for her) but in the end, Elliot gets Roan to settle down in a comfy spot with a good cup of tea or coffee and read. Sometimes he will have her in his lap and read to her or if he has some writing he wants to do he gets her settled in a comfy spot, with a good hot drink in hand and a book and she settles in to read. Eventually she will fall asleep though and Elliot will have to carry her to bed. <3

10. Favorite Foods/food recipe: Probably Roots Platter (has saved her life more than once!) Sea-foam Pudding, Chowder and Spicy Eel <3

12. Roan's favorite seasons are probably Summer to Fall. Summer because the ocean, her favorite fruit is in (oranges) and she just loves the beach. She also loves Fall though, her birthday and the spooky atmosphere that comes with the holidays.

13. Dance of the Moonlight Jellies is her absolute favorite! She loves the sea and jellyfish are some of her favorite ocean creatures and just its the combination of her two favorite seasons, saying good bye to summer and saying hello to fall. She also loves the festivals in Autumn, the Fair and Spirit's Eve. However, her second favorite festival would be the Night Market. Mainly, for the deep sea fishing and the Mermaid show. <3

15. If Roan didn't inherit the farm and she was able to get out of Jojo Cola nightmare then she would have been a historian at a maritime museum . She would have loved to work at a lighthouse, doing tours-excitedly sharing the history of the place and folklore of the land around it.

Farm Life:

Her farm is actually forest of all things. She loves her solitude and so did her grandfather and she loves having all those natural resources at her fingertips. As much as she loves the sea she also loves the forests and the coziness of it. Much like a seal she finds her comfort on land and in the sea.

3. Roan loves all of her animals like she would her children. However, her close companionship lies with her grey cat Seal and her first Midnight Squid she caught, Sapphire. She loves both of them very much and when Roan first saw that squid she was in awe of it <3

5. Her favorite crop would probably be blueberries. She loves all the types of berries along with her oranges.

6. Roan's favorite fruit tree hands down is Oranges! She loves oranges, loves the smell of the blooms and just how they remind her of summer.

7. She has a handful of favorites: nautilus shell (She looooves) dried starfish and the anchor.

8. Her favorite fish is definitely Midnight Squid however she does have a deep love of the little crabs (slightly due to Elliot loving them so much) and urchins (Because she can give them cute fancy hats) Thank you so much again for sending the asks! <3

[whatgaviiformes]

Fic: Tracy Seaside Orchard and Farm - Part 16

Summary: Alternate Universe. Gordon is a farmer. And he seems to have nothing to do with International Rescue. Now on AO3!   Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Family.*Warnings: phobias and panic attacks*  

Prologue here Chapter 1: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Ao3 Chapter 2: Part 4 | Part 5  | AO3 Chapter 3: Part 6  | Part 7 |  Ao3 Chapter 4: Part 8 | Part 9 | Ao3 Chapter 5: Part 10 | Part 11  | Ao3 Chapter 6 Part 12 | Ao3 Chapter 7: Part 13 | Ao3 Chapter 8: Part 14 | Ao3 Chapter 9: Part 15 | Ao3 Chapter 10: Part 16 (you are here) 

A/N: Let’s ignore that I should be resting. I don’t have a chapter ready but I do have a part done, which now that we are past the harder, heavy sections.... why not. You deserve it for sticking with me, tumblr. Who wanted big brother BootScoot? it might be obvious I was sick at the end/still *****

Part 16 (Part of Chapter 10)

The hour grew late and it was deep in the night before the party dispersed and they made their way back to Gordon’s home. Scott planned to stick around until the next day to help with clean-up efforts as long as there were no significant callouts. He flung his boots off by the door, and by the time he came out of the guest restroom, Gordon and Virgil had taken over the couch he planned to frequent for the evening. Though, only one of his siblings was awake, staring down at the sleeping figure of their younger brother, still with a mix of awe and paranoia that if he looked away he might disappear.

“He’ll feel like hell in the morning if we leave him like that.” Scott approached the two of them, gently slipping his hands under Gordon’s back and knees and lifting him up into his arms with a grunt. In sleep, Gordon sighed deeply, his head downturned in the pillow of Scott’s chest.

“Wanna help?” he asked Virgil, swinging the door to Gordon’s bedroom further open with the flick of his foot. “Can you grab his cane and the blanket?”

Virgil hadn’t had the chance to look around Gordon’s room earlier that evening, so focused he was on getting Gordon comfortable that he’d beelined for the weighted blanket that rested at the foot of his bed. But now, in the quiet of their breathing, Virgil took a moment to look around the haven space that his brother had created within his home.

The primary color scheme was green, if only for the plants that covered wall to ceiling, including a thriving peace lily so like the one he’d been given when he arrived.

Beyond the greenery, Gordon favored the natural look of the wood of his house, with splashes of color to accompany the neutrals. What was missing was the nautical aesthetic that pervaded the rest of the home; counter to the ship’s wheel of the living space, Gordon’s bedroom was a call back to land with its wide windows opened out towards the farm, foundations of wood with one complete wall in rustic red brick.

Tucked in a corner was a writing desk and chair set Virgil hadn’t noticed at all initially with a laptop sitting closed on top.

Overtop his headboard, a massive macrame art piece draped down from a piece of driftwood, the thick beige cords braided and knotted into an array of chevrons and diamonds above a backdrop of long fringe.  Shelving built atop a modest series of dresser drawers was filled corner to corner with different recipe books, instructional manuals, the occasional fiction novel, collections of plant and animal identifications, and finally, what Virgil immediately recognized as copies of John’s texts. The books were well-loved and interspersed on the bookcase with a small display of single stem vases and picture frames.

He recognized in the collection of memories a copy of their parents’ wedding photo, one of the few Christmas family photos where all five kids were looking toward the camera and Dad had been home to join in, a candid shot someone had taken of a young Gordon cooking with Grandma in which more flour had landed in Gordon’s hair than in the batter.

“Is this your first time in here?”

No, not really. But also, in an entirely different way, “Yes.”

It was one thing to notice the large television screen and the French casement windows on his way towards grabbing the blanket Gordon needed, and another thing altogether to spend the time noticing the details he’d missed. The important information, like the cross-stitch hoops hung on the wall with inspirational quotes and initialed with a JS, the open banjo case set near a guitar case and one nearly the same shape, but much smaller – his old ukulele.  

“Come around here.”  Scott gestured for Virgil to come closer to the side of the bed, reaching for the blanket in Virgil’s hands and opening it wide to cover their brother’s curled form. He tucked the corners in close. “Over here.”

Gordon’s nightstand held simply a chicken figurine and handmade cotton coaster. But hanging above, originally blocked from Virgil’s view by Scott’s height, was a watercolor of a trio of delicate daffodils against a light background of blue sky fading into the edges of the canvas. In the lower righthand corner was his own signature scrawl of V. Tracy.

He remembered it well, a set of three art pieces he’d donated for one of Lady Penelope’s charity auctions, watercolors because it had been for ocean conservation. Of the three florals, the daffodils were his favorite, and he could remember down to the song the inspiration behind them. By nature of the charity, one that had been so close to his brother’s heart, his music had switched to a song that reminded him of Gordon and he painted his forgiveness in yellow flowers. That’s what made the final painting the best of the three.

And yet he hadn’t meant for Gordon to ever see it back then.

“How?”

Scott gestured towards the sky.

“John sent Gordon the auction details,” Scott admitted. “The rest was him. I didn’t know he had one of your pieces until the next time I visited.”

Not just one of his pieces, but that piece. Virgil guessed Scott didn’t understand just how significant it was that the artwork found its way to Gordon’s hands. Forgiveness was a tricky thing; he’d been missing his brother and momentarily ready to ignore the aching in heart for the happy memories they held. But when it came time to donate the work, he hadn’t thought twice sending it away to Lady P. The release was welcome, but he hadn’t been ready.

But the flowers were where they belonged, and he was happy now to see them framed amidst the rest of the natural flora of Gordon’s space.

“Come on, Virgil,” Scott tugged on his shoulder. “We should give him peace to rest. Let’s talk.”

“One moment.” He needed to check his vitals one more time, and if he hitched the blanket more comfortably around Gordon’s shoulders even though Scott had already done so, his older brother had the good sense not to make a big deal about it. Gordon was healthy, safe, and comfortable, and that’s what mattered.

   ~*~

“We never wanted to keep this from you.” Scott leaned back against the counter sink, his arms crossed at his chest, but expression soft. “It was the right thing to do for Gordon at the time.”

Virgil hummed, his fingers idly strumming the banjo they’d forgotten to return to its case, abandoned at the door when Gordon had crashed on the couch. The music kept him centered, considering the day had been one of the lowest lows and the highest highs. His heart had been through a roller coaster of fear, and regret, and hurt, and vulnerability, and love.

Emotionally, he was spent.

“I don’t have it in me to be anything other than grateful anymore,” Virgil said, and he meant every word of it, glancing up from the wail of the banjo to Scott’s sky-blues. “I’m not mad. It hasn’t gotten me anywhere in the past being mad. Clearly.”

Scott nodded. “You’ve had a long day.”

Understatement, truly. He laughed wryly, propping the instrument against the table, and standing up to meet his brother’s height, and Scott straightened his shoulders.

“There’s just one thing I’d like to know still,” Virgil said. “Did you know what Gordon was doing pushing me away for the sake of International Rescue?” He’d never said it with such disdain. “Please tell me that’s not why you never told me where he was.”

Scott shook his head sadly. “I just tried to do what was right by the two of you. Gordon’s reasons were his own, as were yours. I wouldn’t have kept it quiet because of IR. I believe our family should come before International Rescue.”

“Prove it.”

“What?”

“You heard me. It’s time to actually mean it. What’s done is done, but when I get home, things change. We all plan to come to the bonfire, and if there are other events, we attend those too. We invite him to the Island if its something he wants to try to do, and if not, we come here as often as he will have us. I don’t want to lose anymore Christmases or birthdays. He doesn’t deserve to miss anymore either.”

Scott nodded. “I agree. Of course I do. But, Virg,” he gently placed his hands on either side of Virgil’s shoulders, realizing his brother hadn’t realized what he’d said, “I need to ask, are you ready to? Come home with me tomorrow, I mean?”

A beat as Virgil expelled a breath, he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Oh.” Softly, “Can I let you know tomorrow?”

[watermelon-eater]

I posted 8,638 times in 2022

That's 921 more posts than 2021!

63 posts created (1%)

8,575 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@v3ry-c00l

@meenah

@commanderkarkat

@imagiguard

@gunkmusher

I tagged 3,718 of my posts in 2022

#fav - 414 posts

#fave - 387 posts

#homestuck - 303 posts

#yeah - 179 posts

#art - 178 posts

#me - 149 posts

#&lt;3 - 134 posts

#fav art - 110 posts

#mecore - 108 posts

#tumblr - 94 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#actually this helps a lot with roleplaying the morphed ben shapiro-sasuke sprite that my stupid player made in my stupid rpgstuck campaign

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

maybe its time to make a proper introduction

hey hi welcome to my blog! my name is zen (i also go by nautilus) and i use he/him pronouns and a couple of neopronouns . i like donna tartt's books, homestuck, musicals, league of legends, and a bit of BBC sherlock, to name a few. feel free to DM if you wanna talk about these topics with me!

now before you follow i have d/a's with karkat and certain cats, and i'll have to kindly ask doubles not to interact with my posts/reblogs related to them. i also tag weirdly sometimes but you can ask me to trigger tag anything. i don't use "tw" before trigger tagging things, i only put the name of the trigger (ex. #emeto).

current mutual list (off the top of my head): v3ry-c00l, constrruxt, imagiguard, feralnumberfive

guide to my tags below:

nautical textposts: my textposts

long tag: tags ive put in that i might want to see again

ive only seen paintings of this painting: heritage posts

fav: favorite funny posts

fave: a lighter version of fav, things i like that doesnt exactly go to fav

hfy: humans fuck yeah - people doing things that make me smile

<3: stuff that makes my heart go

tumblr: certified tumblr moments

conny tag: tag for my s/o

conzent: it's a stupid little ship name for me and my s/o, i tag stuff that remind me of us with this

list is prone to change

12 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

#4

oh my god i am so fucking gay

13 notes - Posted May 4, 2022

#3

absolutely love how nydas feels a lot like a grown-up fabian seacaster

15 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

#2

my son stanley who has every disease

19 notes - Posted June 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i love when i see that someone reblogged from me with "prev". something something submitting my tags through peer review and getting a good score

21 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[unsoundedcomic]

I know it may too much but,,,

Can you recommend some books that are like dark,fantasy ,all i wanna say is something unsounded inspired

Its too specific,but is like getting something firsthand from you;)!!!

I really want something to disturb me ,not in a horror way

I also think you would recommend some great pirate stories*-*

I don't have a broad knowledge of fantasy - I'm more of a classic literature and nonfiction fan - but the most disturbing dark fantasy novel I've read is "Perdido Street Station" by China Mieville. It is very good but very miserable. It will disturb you. I've never wanted to read any of the sequels.

For pirate fiction, you might enjoy "On Stranger Tides" by Tim Powers. "Treasure Island" will always be my favourite though. Ben Gunn was an inspiration for Murkoph. I've read a lot more general nautical fiction than specifically pirates. The Horatio Hornblower series and Aubry-Maturin books are classics. "Two Years Before the Mast" and "White-Jacket" are more literal histories but very interesting.

[mad-scientist-in-theory-2]

Pls tell more abt Øyvind, I love old grumpy characters sm

Mr. Øyvind Pedersen, the Meteorologist of The HMS Vulture, would be summed up in about 3 words: Cynical, Calculating, and, of course, a grump. Here’s some little tidbits of info on him!

- He’s got a lot of rage for such a little dude, (seriously, you could wrap your entire hand around one of his wrists,) and gets into arguments with other crew member. It’s very therapudic, despite getting him into trouble a lot. Of course, as Mist has already posted, he gets into arguments a lot with Benedict. They do share the telescope with eachother from time to time, and Øyvind will eagerly listen whenever Benedict is ranting about stars and constellations. Kinda got a ‘I’ll deck you if you ever disrespect me but you’re also my bestie <3’ sort of a deal going on.

- Øyvind sadly gets seasick a lot :( It gets pretty awful during storms, so he just sits below deck with a bucket and a glass of spiced wine. First couple of times he got seasick, he just leaned over the railing and… I don’t wanna go too deep into detail. Not even gonna say the word. But now he just sits below deck mumbling to himself about having a weak stomach and trying to distract himself. 

-He knows a lot of secrets, but will he ever tell? Depends on what circumstances come up. If money is offered, maybe not. If a his life is threatened, absolutely, who’s secrets do you want to know first? But he won’t engage in gossip, even if pressured. He can put himself in someone’s shoes pretty well, and if someone knew his deepest darkest secrets, he would want them to be kept as secrets, please and thank you. He does listen to gossip though. It’s entertaining to see what people have to say.

- He naps. Most of the time when reading a book or in the middle of the day when he has nothing to do. An anonymous quote was recorded from a fellow crew member, who has seen Øyvind asleep on multiple occasions; “He’s oddly peaceful when napping. He doesn’t look so angry or stressed, and that’s a relief for me; I think he deserves a break. Did you know he snores like a cat, too? I thought that was pretty funny.” Our anonymous quoter chuckles to himself then offers a demonstration of said snores. I’m inclined to say no. “Anywho, he sleeps light. If you ever wake him up, you’re in for a nasty talking to. He cursed me out one time! Can you believe that? Er… well, it is Vind were talking about, so i guess it’s not that hard to believe.” Øyvind is listening from behind the mast, poorly concealed. 

Thank you for asking about him! I’ve been thinking about him a whole lot lately, and he + other nautical shenanigans are always on my mind lol. 

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (ch 9)

Chapter 9

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 2,620

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ @zobadak​​

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing…

            The warm weather was fleeting; Catalina spent her days studying, working, and every chance she got, hanging out with her friends. The “baseball encounter”, as she’s been calling it, has been living in the back of her mind ever since, even though it seemed her friends had forgotten about it. She never brought it up, just focusing on her college life. Namjoon took her out to fancy bookstores and coffee shops, Jungkook tried and failed to teach her how to skateboard, and Jin tried and failed to help them in French. She was kept busy and she was having fun.

               All was peaceful, until a college student was reported missing in St. Briggs. Jimin cornered Catalina in dance class about it one chilly, early winter day.

               They were practicing their dance to “Body”, by Megan Thee Stallion.

               “One, two, three, turn, five, six, step and hit,” the teacher called out. “One, two, ba, ba, jump, Steve! What song are you dancing to, ‘cause it’s not this! Find the goddamn beat! Alright, everyone except Steve, take five.”

               Catalina’s final move in the dance was on the ground, so instead of getting up, she crawled over to her dance bag and pulled out her water bottle, collapsing against the wall. Jimin joined her and said, “Have you heard the news?”

               Catalina shook her head between sips.

               “A student went missing,” he said. “In St. Briggs. From our college.”

               “Aren’t they the second person to go missing here?” Catalina asked. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

               “Yeah, me neither,” said Jimin. “The first person was a little kid. My parents are freaking out about me walking to campus now.”

               “And the police have no idea who the guy is?” asked Catalina. “I mean, they don’t know anything?”

               “Not really,” said Jimin. “It’s like these people disappeared without a trace.”

               “Hm,” Catalina thought about the disappearances and the mysterious “baseball encounter”. She wondered if they were connected. “You wanna do some investigating?”

               “What are you-no, we’re not visiting those vampires,” said Jimin. “That’s a really bad idea. Namjoon told us to stay out of it and he definitely knows more about this stuff than we do.”

               Catalina knew she wouldn’t get anywhere with Jimin. She would just have to wait until she saw Jungkook to bring it up again. She knew he’d have no qualms about going on a potentially life-threatening mission.

Her chance came that weekend when she and Jungkook worked their shift together at the souvenir shop. Business was starting to pick up since the first snow was expected to arrive any day now.

Tourists started stopping by more and more and Catalina got to see what Jungkook meant by “hot tourists”. The men and the women were beautiful, and her and Jungkook both had fun checking them out from behind the counter. But today was slow, so Catalina figured she’d take the opportunity to tell him about her plan.  

               “Jungkook, what do you think about stealing that business card and sneaking around a potential lair?” asked Catalina.

               “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but yes. I’m in,” he said. The two of them were straightening the ceramic bear and eagle figurines, killing time between customers.

               “Remember those three vampires on baseball day?”

               “Uh-huh.”

               “The guy gave Namjoon a business card,” said Catalina.

               “Oh right! Yeah, I remember,” said Jungkook.

               “I was thinking maybe we could steal it and do our own investigating. I mean, what if those guys have something to do with the missing people?” Catalina said. Jungkook looked up at her with wide eyes.

               “Oh shit! Ya know, you’re probably right!” he said. “They just moved here, and then all of a sudden, a kid goes missing in this town. It makes sense.”

               “Exactly,” said Catalina.

               “But how will we get the business card?” asked Jungkook. “Do we sneak into his room or his office or whatever?”

               “That’s what I was thinking. One of us distracts him, while the other sneaks in and finds it,” said Catalina.

               “I feel like you should distract him. A classic honey pot mission,” said Jungkook.

               “Do you know what that means?” Catalina asked, snickering.

               “Don’t you seduce someone to complete a mission?” asked Jungkook.

               “You usually have to fuck someone in a honey pot mission,” said Catalina.

               “Oh, well, how bad can it be? I mean, he’s hot as fuck,” he said with a wave of his hand. Catalina’s face turned bright red.

               “I’m not- we’re…” she sighed. “Jungkook, casual sex isn’t really my thing and I don’t like him that way. I don’t think he likes me that way either.”

               “Are you kidding? What about all those bookstores and coffee shops? Those weren’t dates?” asked Jungkook. “What were you guys doing?”

               “Looking at books!” said Catalina. “He just really likes literature, and I really like coffee.”

               “Did he pay for your coffee every time?”

               “Yes.”

               “Then that’s a date,” said Jungkook.

               “We spot each other all the time. So, are you telling me it’s a date when you pay for my McDonalds or when I pay for your movie ticket?” asked Catalina.

               “That’s different,” said Jungkook. Catalina threw her hands up.

               “Okay, we’re getting off topic,” she said. “You distract him, I’ll get the card.”

               “Casual sex also isn’t my thing though,” said Jungkook.

               Catalina threw her head back laughing. “You don’t have to fuck him! Just keep him downstairs talking or something.”

               “I can do that. Are we doing it tonight?” asked Jungkook.

               “Sure.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

               That evening, Catalina and Jungkook went to the mansion. Jungkook brought his French homework. Luckily, Namjoon was the one to answer the door.

               “Oh, hey guys! Come on in,” he said. He led them to the lounge and Jungkook immediately got his homework out.

               “I was wondering if you could help me with this,” said Jungkook.

               “Sure, let’s see,” said Namjoon. Catalina wandered off. The upstairs was thankfully not as big as the main floor, but there were many halls and many rooms. Catalina went to Hoseok’s room, starting her search from there. The next door in the hallway was open. Catalina looked inside, flicking on the light switch. It looked like a basic, model bedroom. It didn’t look like it belonged to anyone, probably a guest room. The next room was enormous and absolutely trashed. The giant bed in the middle of the room had a mountain of blankets and clothes on it. Clothes, loose papers, and books littered the floor. Beat up, crooked antique paintings decorated the walls, along with torn calligraphy banners. The Asian style furniture looked ancient, worn and battered, but luxuriously wealthy.

               Catalina moved on to the next room. This one was a bit more modern and, curiously, vaguely nautical themed. A huge window against the back wall let light shine in on the white painted wood of the furniture, the mess of easels and canvases in the corner, and the mix of paintings on the seashell wallpapered walls: realism, abstract, cubism, a few charcoal sketches of Hoseok, Yoongi, and Namjoon, and a single painting of a lighthouse looking out at a stormy sea. Catalina went to the next room.

               This one was the most modern, with dark walls and mahogany furniture. It was sleek and rustic, with a twisted wood bed frame, alpaca rugs on the ground, smooth couches in the corner with a driftwood coffee table in the center, and along every free wall, bookshelves. The entire room was spotless. This must be Namjoon’s room. At least, Catalina hoped it was. She stepped inside and went to the desk tucked into one of the bookshelves. She rifled through the drawers until she found one filled with business cards.

               “Shit,” she whispered. There were quite a few cards, but she got to work sorting through them. Most of them looked old and yellowed with age. She automatically set those ones aside. She couldn’t remember that vampire’s name, but she knew she’d remember it if she saw it. After sorting through what felt like hundreds of cards, she finally found one with the familiar name on it.

               It was a new card, simple, with just a name, an address, and a phone number on it. The name on it was Makai La’ei. That sounded right. Catalina rearranged the rest of the cards back to how she found them and shoved this one in her pocket. She was definitely running out of time, Jungkook only had so much homework.

               When she got downstairs, she went right to the lounge, but it was empty. Jungkook’s French textbook was laying open on the coffee table. Her heart skipped a beat. Namjoon wouldn’t hurt him, would he? She thought. She backed out of the lounge and looked up and down the hallway. Her heart was pounding, but before her thoughts could fully run away on her, she heard Jungkook’s voice approaching, saying, “And that’s how I went to senior prom with Dr. Dre’s daughter, Truly.”

Namjoon and Jungkook rounded the corner, both holding McDonalds bags and hot coffees in their hands.

“You guys went out?” Catalina asked.

               “Yeah, we got hash browns,” said Namjoon, handing one of the bags to her.

               “Isn’t this yours?” asked Catalina.

               “Grease gives me a stomachache,” he said.

               “I was just craving hash browns. I figured you’d want a few too,” said Jungkook. Catalina’s heart skipped a beat, but this time not out of fear.

               “I love these,” she whispered, opening the greasy paper bag to see three hash browns inside. Something nudged her hand. She looked up to see Jungkook handing her his coffee as well. Namjoon wandered off, sipping at his own coffee. “What are you doing?”

               “I don’t like coffee,” he said. “Take it.”

               “Thank you,” she said. “Did you already finish your homework?”

               “Yeah, turns out Namjoon is fluent in French,” said Jungkook. “And Korean, and Chinese, and Japanese, and German. And…what was that other one?”

               “Swahili,” Namjoon said from inside the lounge.

               “Why?” asked Catalina.

               “I was bored,” he said with a shrug. Jungkook looked at Catalina with questioning eyes. Catalina nodded.

               “Well, thank you for helping me with this,” said Jungkook, gathering his textbook and notes. “I hate this class, so any help is much appreciated. Anyway, we have to get going. We have some errands to run.”

               “Sure, no problem,” said Namjoon as he walked them to the door. “We’re all fluent in French here, expect for Hoseok, so feel free to ask any of us any time.”

               “Thank you,” Catalina said as she pulled her shoes on.

~~~~~~~~~~

               “That was too easy,” said Jungkook as they were getting into his car.

               “Not really!” said Catalina. “He had a whole drawer full of business cards. I had to sort through all of them.”

               “I was talking about the homework,” said Jungkook. He pulled out of the driveway and began the drive down the mountain. “He gave me all the answers. But that explains why you were gone for so long.”

               “Yeah, and I saw the other rooms,” said Catalina. “I think Tae’s room is nautical themed.”

               “Why?” Jungkook asked. Catalina shrugged. “Well, whatever. Does that card have an address on it?”

               “Yeah,” Catalina pulled the card out of her pocket and typed the address into her maps app. It gave her a route to a location in the middle of the town. She let Siri lead them as she plugged in her phone and looked up spy music on iTunes. She found a playlist and put it on shuffle, letting the groovy guitar of “Secret Agent Man” blast through the car.

               By the time they arrived, they were well into “Hawaii Five-O”. The GPS had led them to what looked like an abandoned hospital. Jungkook drove a block past it so they could walk the rest of the way. As they walked, they reviewed the plan.

               “So, we can’t get caught, obviously,” said Jungkook. “We’re just sneaking in, taking a quick look, maybe some pictures, then getting out.”

               “Right,” said Catalina. “Quick and fast.”

They snuck in and found a basement stairwell, which they took. The rest of the hospital was empty. They could hear voices coming from the basement, so as quietly as they could, they snuck down the stairs, which led them to a cement tunnel with a metal grated floor. The tunnel gave Catalina a sense of Déjà vu, but she couldn’t figure out why. Faint voices echoed from the end of the tunnel. They reached the end and peaked around the corner. What they saw made their jaws drop. A huge, cavernous cement room with some furniture in the middle. Doors lined the walls, some open, some closed. Catalina could see from where she was that there were people in the rooms with open doors. People sitting or laying on the ground, tubes attached to their arms connecting to IV stands, blood bags hanging from the hooks.

Jungkook was snapping rapid fire pictures of as much of the room as they could see.

The voices, which were coming from a part of the room they couldn’t see, stopped talking.

“Bernard, go check the tunnel and stairs. I thought I heard something.”

Before Bernard even had a chance to move, Catalina and Jungkook booked it back down the tunnel and up the stairs. Jungkook led the way, and he was fast, so Catalina struggled to keep up with him. Once they were at the top of the stairs, they looked around for an open room. A bit down the hall, there was an open doorframe with a missing door. They darted for it, Jungkook pulling her inside and crowding her against the wall, hidden in the shadows.

Catalina was scared they’d be caught, but now she freaking out about something entirely different, namely, Jungkook’s chest and arms caging her against the wall. He was so close that Catalina could feel the heat coming off him. Her blush made its way down her neck into her chest, her breath quickening.

“He’s coming,” Jungkook whispered, his wide eyes glued to the doorway. Sure enough, Catalina could hear heavy boots crunching through the debris in the hallway, getting closer to where they were. “Do you trust me?”

“What?” Catalina asked.

“Do you trust me?” Jungkook asked again. “I saw this in a TV show. It works every time.”

Before Catalina could ask for clarification, several things happened at once: the man, presumably Bernard, began entering the room, Jungkook pressed even closer, a hand on her waist, the other finding its way to her hair, and his lips crashed against hers. She let out a squeak of surprise but quickly caught on, gripping his shirt and leaning into the kiss.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” a man’s voice said from the doorway. They broke apart and looked at him. “This is private property, guys. Get lost.”

“Sorry,” Jungkook said, flashing a sheepish smile. Bernard stepped aside to let them past, waving them in the direction of the exit. Even though her heart was still pounding out of her chest and her head was still spinning, Catalina made a point to check Bernard’s eyes. They were red.

On their way out, they heard the crackle of a walkie talkie and Bernard saying, “It was just some kids making out upstairs. This happens way too often, boss. We gotta start putting signs up or something.”

On their way to the car, Jungkook said, “That was a close one.”

“Was that just an excuse to kiss me?” Catalina joked, not sure she wanted to know the answer.

“It worked, didn’t it?” Jungkook said with a wink. Catalina blushed and shoved him.

“Shut up,” she said.

.

.

[ichigo-daifuku]

Harbor

Obey Me! Fanfiction [Read on AO3]

Leviathan/Female!MC

In true normie fashion, she convinces Leviathan to be her date on the anniversary celebration in honor of the Hell's Navy.

Explicit | Fluff and Smut, Clothed Sex, Cosplay (...Kind Of), Uniform Kink

It's Leviathan Loving Hours, what else can I say? 💙

Word Count: 5.2k

If there was one thing she has learned over her multiple playthroughs of Dogi✩Magi✩Memorium with her boyfriend, it would be the importance of setting the mood when asking someone for a favor. Once the target was locked, every interaction with them bore a significant weight, including physical touch, if there should be any. Words uttered to them must be chosen with utmost care. Gifts, when presented to the target, in particular, those items in line with their preferences, would give higher chances of a positive outcome: intimacy up.

The front door clicked shut. She navigated through the hallways of the House of Lamentation with a purpose. An opportunity presented itself to her, and she was on her way to seize it. Once she reached the location of her target, who was none other than Leviathan, she halted, raised her occupied hand carefully, and knocked three times on his door.

“It is I,” she announced. “I come bearing gifts.”

There was a shuffling sound from the inside. After a few seconds, Leviathan answered, his voice in proximity, just behind the wood. “What’s the secret phrase?”

Three options flashed inside her mind, and though the secret phrase changed from one to another every single time she dropped by, she has been in the same situation numerous times. It was easy to decide which option was the correct one: the catchphrase in the transformation sequence of The Magical Mysterious Jane: Peony Phantom, one of Leviathan’s most recent anime obsessions. She began, “‘Lunaria.’”

“‘Wisteria.’”

“‘Primrose.’ ”

“‘Peony.’ ”

“‘Through the power of the flower, I’m as pretty as I can be.’”

“‘I’m the magical, mysterious Levi!’ Secret phrase authenticated. You may enter.” Leviathan unlocked the door and revealed himself. He wore a grave expression as he nodded and continued, “Welcome to Castle Leviathan.”

“Hold on, there’s a final line. ‘And I might just steal your heart, so watch out!’ There!” She laughed, stood on her tiptoes, and gave him a kiss on the cheek as a greeting. “Hi, Levi. I missed you.” 

Leviathan froze, the brief brush of her lips causing his skin to redden, but he shook his head and intercepted her entrance with his body when she moved to enter the room. “Where are those gifts you speak of?”

“Oh, my apologies.” She chuckled and cleared her throat, showing him the packages she was carrying with her two hands. “I present to you… Spicy Rainbow Pizza and Café Lament’s Bufo Egg Milk Tea!”

“OMG! Sweet! I was just getting hungry,” he enthused but regained his composure in a second. After shifting his facial expression and tone of voice back into serious mode, he continued, “I mean, your humble offerings are most appreciated.”

With the first phase of her plan successful, she entered Leviathan’s room, one of the most unique living spaces she has ever visited. An eclectic assortment of posters and merchandise of Ruri-chan and Sucre Frenzy decorating the walls and shelves welcomed her inside. A bathtub served as his bed, which she found odd during the first time she noticed it. The gigantic aquariums inside reminded her of oceanariums in the human world. The floor was cluttered with a few empty sports drink bottles and the like, but everything else he prized—from his books, manga, CDs, anime figurines—were organized in their rightful areas.

Light radiated from his computer screens as Leviathan made his way to the nearby table and set the pizza box down. He poked the straw through the cap of the Bufo Egg Milk Tea, grabbed a slice from the box, and strode to the direction of his computer while indulging in his snacks. In a good mood, he plopped down on his gaming chair and spun it in the opposite direction of his set-up.

Meanwhile, she had gone to the fishbowl where Leviathan’s beloved goldfish took his residence. “How are you doing, Henry?”

Henry circled the space, leaving bubbles in his wake, and bumped onto the glass as if to say hi.

She concluded that things were going swimmingly with Henry and turned to Leviathan. “Have you fed him yet?”

Leviathan observed the interaction with curiosity and finished his slice of pizza, grabbing a sheet of tissue paper from his desk and wiping his hand with it before throwing it into the wastebasket. He took a long sip of his Bufo Egg Milk Tea and replied, “Nope. It’s almost time for his meal, though. Do you wanna do the honors?”

“Sure,” she responded with a smile and took the goldfish food container near the fishbowl. Henry chased after the pellets she sprinkled inside, delighted. Once she was satisfied with the amount of food she had given Henry, she dusted her hands and strode to Leviathan’s direction. 

Although they had been in the same position many times before, the moment she sat on his lap, Leviathan looked away and blushed, taking the straw away from his lips and coughing. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Nothing…” she answered coyly and turned the gaming chair toward the screen. “So, what were you doing before I got here?”

“Uh, nothing.”

True enough, the screen indicated an open tab on Deviltube, an adorable cat video on pause. She clicked play and watched the clip of a cat kneading its paws against a soft blanket. When it ended, Deviltube offered more cat videos as recommendations, but she found no interest in them at the moment, her gut telling her that it was the right time to broach the subject she had been itching to ask him since yesterday. “By the way, I got invited to a party a few days ago. It’s going to be in two weeks... Can we please come together?”

“Is that social interaction I hear? No, thanks.”

She pouted and turned to him. “But Levi…”

“Besides, I have to attend something in two weeks as well. Too much social interaction for a shut-in like me is unhealthy.”

“Aww, okay.” She let out a dramatic sigh and revealed her trump card. “I guess I’ll have to extend an invitation to someone else to be my plus-one, after all… because the Grand Admiral refused to be my date on the anniversary of the Hell’s Navy.”

There was a moment of silence as he put two and two together. “What the—? Let me guess, you received an invitation from Lord Diavolo?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “He was the one who told me I can bring a plus-one.”

“I can, too, but I didn’t think you’d be interested.” Leviathan averted his eyes and took another sip of his drink. “It’s not a super big deal, you know? And it can get kinda boring. Like, really boring.”

“I’m definitely interested. I already said that I’d go, so… do you wanna go together?”

“You really mean that? Um, like a date?”

“That’s right!”

“Ugh, fine...” he sighed in resignation, the blush coloring his face growing fiercer. “It’s not like I wanna go or anything—I have to, either way. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about how boring it is, okay?”

“Yay!” She threw her arms around him, making him yelp. “If the event ends early, let’s go home right away and check out the newest update of Mononoke Land. Just the two of us.”

Though caught off-guard, his hand that had been resting on the armrest snaked around the curve of her waist to pull her closer. He shook his head. “I should’ve known you were up to something the moment you walked in with those snacks. I can’t believe I fell for your normie tactics.”

Mission accomplished! “Normie - 1, Leviachan - 0.”

“I’ll get you next time!”

“Best of luck with that,” she replied and blinked at him suggestively. “Now, how about we watch something more... interesting?”

Alarm and anticipation caused his eyes to widen and flicker from her face to the screen, his throat bobbing as he gulped. “Huh? L-Like what?”

“Hmm…” She turned away from him, clicked on the search bar, and pressed a certain letter on the keyboard: H.

Leviathan’s lips parted to say something, yet even the sound of the letter, its implications and all, failed to escape from them.

She leaned in and whispered in his ear, “That’s right, Levi. It begins with the letter H, do you know what it is?”

The tip of his tongue darted to wet his lips, and his fingers stiffened around his drink, slightly tremulous. A silent groan escaped his mouth as he fidgeted in his seat and halted the movement a second after, becoming extremely conscious that she was perched on his lap. With the space between them close to none, she could feel every detail of the rising tension in his body. Between ragged breaths, he murmured, “Y-Yes…”

Victoriously, she smiled and leaned back, turning away to finish typing the rest of the title while announcing it to him, “Harrison Porter and the World of Wizards!”

The anniversary celebration of the Hell’s Navy would be held at the Demon Lord’s Castle. Being the only two humans currently in the Devildom, Diavolo decided that it would be great as part of the cultural exchange to introduce her and Solomon to a branch of the Devildom’s military. According to the invitation, the Hell’s Navy would be presenting its newest members which not only included demons but also sea monsters joining the fleet in its endeavors. Everyone invited was instructed to adhere to the nautical dress code, and so the day after she convinced Leviathan to be her date, she visited Majolish and searched for something suitable for the event.

After making final adjustments to her ensemble, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, happy that she was able to find something in line with the theme. Her navy blue dress sported a sailor collar, a white necktie, and a skirt adorned with two stripes at the bottom. On top of her head, a matching sailor hat rested while her footwear consisted of plain white ankle boots. 

Satisfied, she sent Leviathan a text message to inform him that she would be making a stop at his room. When she received a reply that he would leave his door unlocked for her, she opened her bedroom door and peeked outside, not wanting to risk running into the other brothers in the hallway. As silly as it was, she wanted Leviathan to be the first one to see her in this outfit. The coast was clear. She stealthily made her way to Leviathan’s room, knocked, and entered, making sure to shut the door as quickly as she could.

Leviathan stood near his closet, facing away from her. She figured out that her entrance had gone unnoticed as he continued fumbling over his sleeve and adjusting his collar.

“This could’ve been the perfect time to show off my skills and cosplay a sea spirit from Mononoke Land, but no, I have to be in this uniform,” he whispered to himself and sighed. “Henry’s going to be there with the other sea monsters. I’m so proud of him… I wish Lotan was present as well. He’d have so much fun…”

“Levi?” she called.

“Oh, hey,” he said and turned around, the words dying in his throat as he took in her appearance. “You’re… here…”

The sight of Leviathan in his Hell’s Navy uniform rendered her speechless. Even though he has yet to wear his cap and gloves, he looked entirely formal and professional, a stark contrast to the image of him she viewed every day. His uniform suited him, and he looked stunning. Her heart hammering in her chest at the heat of his gaze, she gave him a twirl and asked him with a nervous smile, “Ta-da! Is it okay?”

For a while, he didn’t speak. He only gave her a wide-eyed stare before blurting out, “Are you… real?”

“Huh? Of course, I am.”

“3D…?”

“Um, yes.”

He gulped. “If you’re telling the truth, what was the item you borrowed from me after we made a pact?”

“What’s with the pop quiz?” she fired back. “Anyway, it was the cursed vinyl edition of The Tale of the Seven Lords soundtrack. How could I forget?”

“Easy enough,” he said. “How about this? Do you remember the first phone call we had?”

“Yeah, I do. You told me that you dialed the wrong number, right?”

His cheeks pinked. “I didn’t just tell you that—I actually did, okay? Who was I trying to call, then?”

“Ultrawitch✩Rainbow-chan. Luminous-chan.”

“That’s right.” He nodded. “What was the last movie we watched together when we were in this room?”

“The one which begins with the letter H,” she responded with an amused giggle, remembering the way he squirmed in his seat. “Harrison Porter and the World of Wizards. Seriously, Levi, what is going on?”

“WHOA! It really IS you,” he confirmed enthusiastically. “I can only imagine you doing all the magical girl transformation poses! I... I never thought—I mean, okay, yeah, I’ve thought about it—but I never thought the day would come when my fantasy would turn into reality… I can’t even look—it’s too much for my heart to take! I-I think I’m going to have a heart attack!”

Sure, Leviathan adored two-dimensional girls dressed in schoolgirl uniforms which were mostly in the style of a sailor’s, but what she wore right now wasn’t that; this was as close as she could get to the human world’s navy uniform which, from the details of Leviathan’s current attire, was similar to the Devildom’s. “So, it’s alright? You like it?”

“Do I like it? I love it! Of course, I love it…” He blushed and averted his gaze with a frown. “Those other guys in the navy, they’re going to approach you like a school of fish… I can’t have that… but how am I going to keep you in sight and stay away from you at the same time?”

She took a moment to process what he said and cocked her head in confusion. “Huh? What are you talking about? Why would you do that?”

“Look at me! Look at you! You’re so cute and perfect… I’m just a gross and icky shut-in otaku with zero social skills. I’m not worthy to stand beside you…”

“What? No!”

“Why did I have to be like this? A loser! It’s so not fair!” he cried out and covered his face with his hands, his shoulders slumped in sadness, on the verge of bursting into tears. 

Self-deprecation rolled off him in waves, and though the declaration he made about himself was the most ridiculous thing she has ever heard, she understood where he was coming from. This was Leviathan, after all. A lot of times, he didn’t give himself enough credit. He was unaware of it, but he was popular with the Devildom community, especially to the succubi. There was an instance when Mammon sneaked a photo of a freshly bathed Leviathan coming out of the shower and sold it online, much to the succubi’s delight. Too bad for them, though, she was already dating him.

“Levi.”

“Maybe it’s better for me not to go…”

“Levi.”

“I guess I can try to fake sickness or something…”

“Leviathan.”

The resolute tone of her voice as she called him by his full name drew his attention. He removed his hands from his face, turned his gaze on her for a second with difficulty, and looked away again. “Um, what?”

“Change into your demon form.”

“Huh? But why…?”

“Do it, please.”

“O-Okay… If you say so…”

Leviathan shifted into his demon form. Her footsteps echoed through the silence as she made her way to him, and though he still refused to look at her, she didn’t hesitate and wrapped him in her embrace. “I didn’t slip and hug you by accident, just so you know.”

It took him by surprise, but he held his tears back and sniffled, placing his arms around her waist in return. The calming fragrance of the sea enveloped her, making her close her eyes and sigh contentedly. 

They remained in the same position until, slowly, she led them to the giant aquarium that served as a wall in his room. Her back turned from the glass, she stood on her tiptoes, skimmed his horn soothingly with a fingertip, and whispered in his ear, “Do you see that? Look at him… That’s Leviathan, the Avatar of Envy, one of the Seven Rulers of Hell, one of the most powerful demons in the Devildom.”

She kissed the visible markings on his neck one by one and lingered her lips on his collarbone, waiting for the tension caused by his moment of insecurity to alleviate, even fractionally. Once he calmed down, she looked behind her and found him staring at their reflection, a sense of shyness and wonder within his gaze. Determined, she faced him again and tugged his sleeve. “Will you change back for me, please?”

Wordlessly, he did as she requested. Light surrounded his body for a second, and he returned into his human-like form, still staring at their figures on the glass, entranced. 

“And, right there, is no ordinary demon. That’s Leviathan, the Grand Admiral of the Hell’s Navy, the one who wields power over a multitude of sea monsters.” Softly, she traced the badges embroidered on his uniform, the pins indicating his rank and power, and the stripes on his sleeves. She took his hands in hers and squeezed them before continuing, “Anyone would be jealous of whoever is standing beside him. In fact, am I—a human and a normie at that—worthy of being his date?”

His eyes flitted from their reflection to her face, worry making his brows furrow. He grabbed her by the shoulders and answered without an ounce of hesitation, “Of course, you are! There’s no one else who can keep up with me as you do... You’re my True Friend as well as... m-my… g-g-girlfriend! You’re the only one for me!”

This was supposed to be her reminding him of his worth, but how the tides had turned. Overcome with deep affection for him, her eyes watered, but she blinked her tears away with a serene smile and touched his cheek. “And this… This is Leviathan: an otaku, a gamer, the biggest TSL nerd there is, a Ruri-chan and Sucre Frenzy fanboy—he’s passionate about many things. On top of it all, he’s so handsome and amazing… but he doesn’t seem to know that. Not on my watch, though, I’ll remind him of those as many times as I have to.”

“Why are you telling me these?”

“Because they’re true,” she told him. “All of those incredible qualities, they’re you, Levi, and I love you.”

He buried his face on her shoulder, his voice muffled as he replied, “I love you, too.”

She chuckled and gently nudged him, loosening herself from his embrace and facing forward. Hand in hand, the two of them stared at their reflection contrasted by the aquamarine water beyond the glass. “See? We look perfect for each other, don’t we? Actually, scratch that, we are perfect for each other, aren’t we?”

“Yes… Yes, we are,” Leviathan agreed with a bashful nod and turned to her. “GAH! How do you always know just what to say? What are you doing to me?”

“It’s one of my normie tactics, nothing new about that.” She laughed and expected him to tease her about being a normie like he always did.

Instead, he stared at her seriously and exclaimed, “I can’t take it anymore!”

“What do you mean?”

“How could you show up looking so cute, say cute things like those, and expect me not to get all… UGH!”

The next thing she knew, her back leaned against the cool glass, her hat falling to the floor at the suddenness of the motion. A faint thud resounded from Leviathan’s hands as he placed them beside her head. He bent down and captured her lips in a hungry kiss, shifting closer to her until she was flush against his torso—until they could feel the warmth emanating from each other’s bodies. His tongue lapped at the seam of her lips and slid inside, meeting hers and exploring her mouth. The rapid succession of events caused her mind to go hazy, but she found her bearings and reciprocated his advances eagerly, the desire for him thrumming through her body in clarity.

When they parted to breathe, she bent her leg upward to confirm her suspicion. “You… Are you excited right now?”

“Yeah, totally. So, you’ve noticed.” He hovered over her throat, softly kissed the sensitive skin, and pressed his forehead on the crook of her neck. “I can’t help it. Is it okay if I… I-I mean, can we…?”

She swallowed hard and brushed his hair with her fingers. “Of course, Levi. I’m all yours.”

He lifted his head and met her gaze. “All mine...”

“But we have to be quick about it, okay? We can’t have you being late.”

She grasped Leviathan’s shoulders, tilted her head, and initiated the kiss this time. It started as a tender brushing of their lips and turned into deep, lingering caresses as he responded heatedly, neither of them requiring any form of coaxing. While one of his hands moved to cup her cheek, the other grazed her shoulder and made its way downward, fondling her breast along the way and making her moan. He teased the hem of her skirt and slowly made his way underneath it, stroking her thighs and squeezing lightly at the flesh. Groans fell past his lips in between kisses, his hand wandering dangerously close to the apex of her thighs. In a surge of boldness, he cupped her sex and hooked the fabric covering it aside. She leaned back with her eyes closed and parted her legs to give him further access, the back of her head resting against the glass. Her breath hitched, and her body quivered as he began teasing her entrance, the pad of his thumb stroking her clit before his forefinger glided in and out of her in shallow and languid motions, providing relief to the aching emptiness inside of her.

“That feels so good, Levi,” she murmured and moaned. He stared as he added another finger, eager to memorize every detail of her reaction. She admired the way the light and reflection of the water from the aquarium illuminated his face and whispered, “You’re the only one who can make me feel this way.”

“R-Really?”

“Really.” She captured his lips in a quick kiss. “Only you, Levi. Only you.”

The expression on her face, the pleasured noises coming from her lips, and the way she bit back another moan led his ministrations to grow more frenzied by the second, his dexterous fingers plunging in and out of her entrance relentlessly. Eager to please him in the same way, her hand shifted from clutching his shoulder to seeking the button and fly of his pants. She tugged on his waistband and slipped her hand inside. Fingers closing around his stiffening length, she released him from the confines of his underwear and stroked him from base to tip. 

“Ah, fuck,” Leviathan hissed and grit his teeth. He pressed his forehead on hers and shut his eyes, the steady pace of his fingers growing erratic as hers found her rhythm. Despite this, her legs grew unsteady, and her knees threatened to buckle, her climax in reach. This didn’t escape him, and he responded to her need by pumping his digits in and out of her entrance frantically, determined to make her come undone.

“Open your eyes, Levi,” she breathed. “Look what you do to me.” 

Leviathan’s eyes fluttered open and watched as the pleasure building up in her abdomen uncoiled. Her body trembled, and her muscles clenched around his fingers as he let her ride out her climax. Warm puffs of her breath teased the skin underneath the fabric of his uniform as she collapsed against him and panted. 

He withdrew his fingers from her folds, and with his other hand, he grabbed her wrist and released his length from her grasp. Firmly, he wrapped her arms around his neck and slid a palm down to her thigh, hooking her leg around his waist. The head of his cock brushed her clit, and she shuddered, still sensitive from her previous climax. “I’m going to put it in, okay? I wanna see that expression on your face again, the one when you come for me.”

Still breathing heavily, she nodded against him and said, “Y-Yes.”

He eased himself inside her, stilling halfway through to allow her to adjust to him. To his astonishment and gratification, it was she who inclined her hips and took all of him the next second, impatient. Inhaling sharply, he unsheathed himself and pushed inside her again, searching for any discomfort on her end but finding nothing.

“Faster,” she urged.

Leviathan was more than happy to oblige. One of his hands gripped her hip while the other clutched the leg around his waist, holding her steady as he sank inside her in one fluid motion, the movement followed by a series of equally desperate thrusts. The strands of his hair swayed at the swiftness and steadiness of the pounding of his hips. Her fingers carded through his hair and nudged his head down, connecting her lips to his in a feverish kiss. Leviathan poured his need for her through every stroke of his tongue and only broke away once he sensed her tensing, her walls squeezing around his length.

The heat of his embrace, the need in his voice as he groaned in pleasure, the feeling of him inside her���at that moment, everything in her world revolved around Leviathan. Although she had climaxed only moments ago, it didn’t take long for her back to arch and for tremors to ripple all over her body again. A thin sheen of sweat coated her forehead, her eyebrows knit in pleasure, and she closed her eyes and parted her lips, her voice echoing across the room as she cried out, “Levi!”

As she drowned in bliss, he continued thrusting into her, chasing the powerful current of pleasure sweeping over every part of his body. He chanted her name in the same way she did with his, his cock throbbing inside her with his release.

Leviathan’s breathing came out in heavy huffs, exhausted. Still, he stood and held her, his tone laced with concern as he murmured, “Your dress… I ruined it, didn’t I? Sorry.”

Aside from the skirt of her dress being a little rumpled, her attire looked fine. It was nothing compared to the happiness that bubbled in her heart at that moment. She shook her head with a shy smile. “No, you didn’t. Definitely not.”

“Oh, okay…” After a moment of hesitation, he continued, “It was good for you, too, right? Because it was, for me.”

She nodded with a laugh. Dressing up was always fun with Leviathan, and needless to say, she loved it as much as he did. “Of course, it was. In fact, I think we should try that again sometime… and you know, do more.”

“So do I.” A spark of excitement laced his tone as he suggested, “Like, later?”

“Later.”

After making themselves presentable again, Leviathan accompanied her to her bedroom where she remedied the rumpled state of her dress. True to her assurance that everything was fine, the matter required a few minutes, and then, her outfit was as good as new. A while ago, on the way out of his room, she had almost forgotten to bring her hat, but to her surprise, Leviathan already picked it up and held it out to her. That made her smile. She set her hat back on her head, turned from the mirror, and began making her way to Leviathan, who was sitting on the sofa and fiddling with his D.D.D.. As she opened her mouth to ask him if he was ready to leave, a thought struck her and made her stop in her tracks. She strode to her desk and rummaged inside her school backpack. “I can’t believe I almost forgot!”

“Forgot what?” Leviathan lifted his head and watched her with interest.

She waltzed to his direction, sat beside him, and handed him a tiny box. “Here’s a little gift. Happy anniversary to the Hell’s Navy!”

“F-For me?”

“Yes.”

Leviathan opened the box, starry-eyed at the unexpected item inside: a metallic goldfish pin resting on the velvet cushion. “NO WAY? IT’S HENRY?”

“Yes! Isn’t he cute? I have one, too. See?” She outstretched her hand and showed him an identical goldfish pin in the hollow of her palm. On the day when she went shopping for an outfit in Majolish, she happened to pass by an accessories boutique that offered customized items. As soon as she could, she entered the establishment and placed an order with the thought that it would be right up Leviathan’s alley. She was worried that her gift wouldn’t make it in time, but fortunately, she was able to pick up her order yesterday. From the joyful look on his face right now, it was worth the wait.

“Whoa! It’s like Henry fan merch!” he said excitedly. Without preamble, he placed the Henry pin in its rightful spot next to his badges. “T-Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You should wear yours, too,” he told her. “Here, I’ll put it.”

“Okay,” she replied and handed him the pin.

Leviathan placed it on the fabric of her tie and leaned backward to have a better look, blushing at the realization. “Huh. We match.”

“We do.”

He paused, contemplating on something. With a genuine, earnest look on his face, he said, “I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I love you more than anyone else in the world.”

His statement reminded her of a fond memory when Belphegor sent those exact words as a message for her using Leviathan’s phone. She had to admit that it was nice hearing it in person, and even nicer that she knew the words truly came from him this time. She stifled a laugh and teased, “Hey, is that supposed to be cheesy or funny?”

He covered his face with his hands, embarrassed. “I tried, okay? Come to think of it, I sounded like a normie. Yikes.”

“That’s okay.” She removed his hands from his face and looked him in the eyes. “I love you more than anyone else in the three worlds.”

“Ugh… Must you really one-up me every single time?”

“Normie - 100, Leviachan - 0.” She smiled and stood, righting her hat that had become askew before holding out a hand for him to take. “You ready?”

“Yep.” Leviathan nodded and took her hand in his. “Let’s go!”

And so, together, like two ships sailing across the vast and endless seas, another adventure awaited them.

(⋆❛ ہ ❛⋆)⊃▂✫⌒*･ﾟ✲

Thank you for reading! ♡

Obey Me! Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[teruthecreator]

THS IS A ROBBERY 🔫YOUR ROLESWAP LORE!!! HAND IT OVER 🤲if u want 2 :)

just took my melatonin bc i have to wake up at 4:30 AM to drive 16 hours to my mother’s so i’m sorry if this becomes derailed but uh. here’s the roleswap lore! or, at least, everything i’ve decided (along with matthew and corinne bc the three of us tagteamed on it) 

gonna chuck it all under a readmore bc this is going to get long

so first off, just gonna run out in front and say i have no idea how this fits into graduation plot. i haven’t gotten that in plot consideration, given their character differences in comparison to their canonical selves. so, for the most part, it’s a lot of background establishment and character traits. but i do have a few plot bits that i’ve figured out bc i thought it was cool. why such a long preamble? i don’t know. help me

fitzroy maplecourt: 

first off, he’s not called sir!!! because he doesn’t go to knight school! 

my idea for his backstory is that the way he decides to grapple with his identity crisis/imposter syndrome (which he definitely Still has) is that instead of becoming a grander, larger than life version of himself. he just. goes the opposite.

not necessarily becoming a degenerate (bc he just smokes pot and that’s not bad he’s just vibing)??? but more just like. leaning into the laid-back nature of life that one might pick up from a lifetime in rural country. 

he goes to a liberal arts school a ways away and just decides to bum around and take life not seriously. he develops a pretty large group of acquaintances being a hippie stoner; he doesn’t really pursue a degree either. i think if he picked up any major it was probably like. an art major or an english but he basically fails most of his classes bc he doesn’t care! 

unlike his canonical counterpart, fitzroy doesn’t mind being called nicknames!! ones i think he has the most are fitz or roy, but basically you could call him anything and he’ll respond. that is because, instead of clinging to the concept of his identity bc it’s the only thing he feels he has, his identity is nebulous!! he doesn’t understand it and it scares him too much to be concrete, so he just lets people decide shit about him for him. 

his personal philosophy is more about floating through life and letting people assume shit about him than having a solid personality and backstory that people understand and recognize. it is a more dissociative way of having an identity crisis! how fun! he also barely talks about his past, and what he does talk about are cherrypicked points of his past that fit his narrative of being a casual down-to-earth hippie

 the moment that this all changes is when order decides to pop in and grant him powers!!!! wahoo!!!! here’s how that happens: 

he’s baked out of his fucking gourd in his dorm room, in the spring semester of his junior year. he’s alone (which is rare) and he’s maybe a little sad, but he decides to just ignore it. he looks at his table and laughs. “hehe, what if this table just. blew up?” he says to himself. it isn’t that funny, but he laughs. then he lays his hand on the table. 

the table blows up.

after that, he has magic!!! 

i’m going to go into detail a little bit later about how fitzroy’s magic manifests in the roleswap universe, but i wanna get through the backstory first. basically, he gets really freaked out after his magic comes to him because it is So New and Wow What and What The Fuck.

he realizes that this new addition to his character Completely changes how people who know him would perceive him (as a bum stoner chill guy), and he can no longer have control of his narrative with this magic business. so he drops out!

well, he actually just transfers. to a school far, far away where people will never know who he was and he can rebuild his narrative with this magic incorporated into it. he chooses wiggenstaff’s because he figures the school would have more of a knowledge of magic than his libarts school, which would mean he could understand why the fuck weed gave him magic (sidenote: it wasn’t weed, obvs, but he thinks this so for a while he doesn’t smoke!) 

he is now the chill hippie of wiggenstaff’s!!! most people like him because his personality is fairly easy to digest; some people think he shouldn’t be there, but he is! he starts out as a sidekick and he would’ve honestly been fine with that forever, but then he’s suddenly thrust into the hero track!!! wow!!!! i will also explain this with the magic. 

but yeah!! that’s fitzroy, for the most part. now we’ll move onto the other boy

argonaut keene:

he actually prefers if people call him argonaut, but he’s less likely to correct people than canon fitzroy Or canon argo. he’s a tad bit shyer in this universe!

argo’s backstory pretty much follows the same idea of his canonical background, but with some key differences that shape him into the character he is in the present! 

basically he still grows up on shebrie’s ship, surrounded by crewmates and the salty sea air. but his fascination with the sea doesn’t manifest into this swashbuckling lifestyle that he has in canon. 

what fascinates him more is the ship itself. how it functions, how water wears down wood, how directional currents can affect navigation. basically, he becomes invested in the sciences part of sealife more than the pirateering. he has special interests in marine biology, but his heart remains in nautical engineering. figuring out ways to make the ship run better, faster, and more efficiently consumes his childhood thoughts!

shebrie encourages her son’s craving for knowledge with tomes and books from all over the world about anything related to engineering and nautical things. he’s homeschooled, basically, but he becomes rather intelligent within a few short years! 

and then, well....shebrie dies. yeah we aren’t escaping that finality, sorry folks. that part of canon Still Applies.

after shebrie’s death (coughMURDERcough), argo is. traumatized! and he makes the decision to almost entirely sever himself from his life on the sea. it’s all too painful to look back upon--the times he spent studying with his mother in the captain’s quarters, rattling off dolphin facts as they sailed onward, dreaming of turning gears as the ship gently rocked him to sleep--and so he just decides to throw the whole thing out!

he can’t ignore his lifetime of education, though, so he continues to pursue it. with the remainder of money his mother left behind, he enrolls himself in a boarding school of science and technology, with plans to continue study in Only engineering. no more nautical Anything on his roster.

eventually, when he is old enough and graduates high school, he roams around...trying to figure out what to do. he doesn’t have enough money for college, so he can’t continue his scholarly efforts yet. he works around, job-to-job, city-to-city, and just notices how...delayed everything feels. like society is suffering under this slow pace towards innovation. 

and that’s when he decides his next course of action. if he were to discover the root of some problem and engineer a solution, he would be famous! he would gain notoriety and praise and--and all the things his mother had as a captain. but he would have it on his own, separate from his mother, and separate from his past. 

he figures out his next course of action: attend a school that will give his prestigious enough marks to be accepted onto a research team, find a problem, solve it, help the world, maybe earn a little bit of that credit and respect that would make him feel like he was doing his mother proud. 

the thing i want to emphasize here is that argo’s take on helping the world comes from that morality that canon fitzroy has. canon fitzroy wanted to be a knight because he wanted to fairly and justly instill ideas of “good” and “bad” onto the world. roleswap argo has a similar moral sense, but instead of establishing rules he wants to fix the “bad” and make it “good” in a technological/scientific sense.

the only school argo can think of that can get him that kind of notoriety is wiggenstaff’s. getting onto the HOG board would mean he’d have access to countless resources and be respected by a large audience, which would give him the opportunity to make change happen. even if he’s only a sidekick On Paper, what matters is that the diploma would give him the ability to Apply to the HOG. so he drafts a carefully worded letter for a scholarship and achieves a full-ride!!! epic 

like fitzroy’s magic, i’m going to break down argo’s relation to the unbroken chain after i get through backstory stuff. but trust me, I’ve Thought Of It

argo sort of blends into the background at wiggenstaff’s. or, he would, if his roommates/friends weren’t so Fucking Out There. fitzroy is enough to make him always be visible, but even the firbolg’s massive frame means eyes are always on him. which makes him nervous!! he doesn’t like the attention (as opposed to his canonical self, who revels in it for the self-esteem fuel) his insecurities manifest more in what he’s Doing rather than what he Is, mostly because his identity is barricaded by a wall of trauma repression

he’s still plenty funny and witty, just quieter. also he’s a lot Meaner than canon argo, at least to me. because if you irritate him he Will just completely shut you down with words. motherfucker doesn’t bark but he will most DEFINITELY bite

that’s their backstories, for the most part! in terms of how they interact together:

as established, they meet prior to wiggenstaff’s on a tinder date (during the grace period of argo working odd jobs and fitzroy about to be granted immense fucking power) and end up casually dating during the course of their wiggenstaff education. argo is a nervous goober and fitzroy just likes making him blush. it’s very cute.

fitzroy is still less inclined for the romantic than argo, who remains a steadfast absolute romantic internally. fitzroy still holds a lot of the self-doubt and distrust that canon fitzroy has, only it manifests in him not taking anything seriously! which means when he catches Feelings feelings he basically freaks out 

argo still falls in love really quickly, only now he’s more conflicted about it because being in love means trusting and trust means communication and communication means Oops Years Of Trauma Are Being Unloaded Uh Oh! 

now i’m going to touch on the big points that i find really interesting: fitzroy’s magic and argo’s relation to the unbroken chain

fitzroy’s magic:

chaos is not the being that grants him magic. it’s order! 

my take on what this means for what deity is on what plane of reality is that chaos is more Needed so they are the one that is physically On Nua, while Order remains in dreamscapes because they are already a constant amongst the tangible world. yes i know this directly contradicts the reasoning for why theyre Supposed to be where in canon, leave me alone i’m having fun. 

my reasoning for this switch is because chaos stands to be a contradiction to everything canon fitzroy has going on. he has a very strict, nailed-down understanding of himself and the world. everything he thinks is in black and white, bold statements, no questions, he follows rules and obeys the law. untiiiiil chaos gives him magic and shocks him out of that complacency. they lean into his inner impulses and that rage he’s kept locked deep inside. they allow for magic to Explode out of him, rather in calculated bursts or with intent. 

which is why order is more fitting for roleswap fitzroy!! because fitzroy, in this world, has less of a concrete grasp of himself and the world. he purposely lets himself be nebulous and goes with the flow. thinking of the future in real terms is not something fitzroy Does, he has no plans and that’s Fine. order seeks to give fitzroy a backbone, to put it simply. 

his magic doesn’t go impulsively out of him. it is calculated--it comes with thoughts and intentions. the reason it surprises fitzroy when the table blows up is because he didn’t think his thoughts or wants would amount into that, but that’s what order is trying to show him. that his intentions matter. that he matters and he has to Think and Focus and Be Here.

i’m still not sure if his power would manifest as lightning??? because the imagery for the lightning works perfectly for canon fitzroy because of the random power of lightning strikes. but for roleswap fitzroy it’s more like...thunder. like Purpose. thunder happens because of a reaction--it comes with intent. if differing air temperatures collide, it creates thunder. that combination is purpose + intent equating in magic. 

i think that part needs word bc like. how would one quantify thunder?? i think fire might also work really well because the idea of a controlled fire. like things have to Happen in order for fire to start, it can’t just appear like lightning can. 

order’s manipulation relies more heavily on the concept of boosting him up as a savior/hero, rather than boosting his ego and desire for power. fitzroy Has no desires in roleswap world--he’s just there. but when he gets put on the hero track, now he’s suddenly been given purpose. and order uses that to be like “wow, look at all these people who rely on you! look how important you are! don’t you want to use this magic for good?? to do good?? start a war with a demon come on pussy :-)”

OH YEAH also he becomes a hero in this universe (like in terms of tracks) because of the fact that it directly contradicts how he views himself. for canon fitzroy, it was showing him how much more he is capable of without the restrictions of morals (i.e, king fitzroy). but roleswap fitzroy doesn’t Have an image he wants to bolster! he doesn’t think he needs it and, frankly, he doesn’t care for it. the hero tracks carries with it all these stereotypes and expectations that now directly contradict his personality--thus showing him he is capable of more.

okay now for argo’s business jesus christ this post is so long and im NOT EVEN DONE WITH ALL THE POINTS I WANTED TO MENTION

argo’s relation to the unbroken chain:

so since roleswap argo has less of an association with his past (and, by extension, the memory of his mother), he is less inclined to join the mysterious cult that his mother was a part of. 

moreover, he doesn’t necessarily believe the shit he’s told??? he’s way more skeptical of jackal than canon argo is--immediately questioning why and how jackal knew his mother, and constantly trying to poke holes through his narrative.

generally speaking, if you try to talk to roleswap argo about his mother or his past, he Shuts Down. like completely. and that usually results in him snapping at you or just clamming up completely. mostly he just gets really snippy and angry because Hey Shut Up Dickhead I Don’t Want To Talk About It

a part of me still isn’t sure whether or not argo would take the unbroken chain up on their offer. but i also know that, plot wise and character arc wise, it is a necessary part of argo’s story. so i think, at most, he agrees but is extremely hesitant and might even let fitzroy on immediately once he’s given the task of digging into fitzroy’s life

also, they’re boyfriends in this universe, so how could he Really keep it a secret for that long. come on jackal, you idiot, you know they’re kissing. 

i think he’d Eventually warm up to jackal as a sort of father figure, but only after many nights of conversation and dancing around the subject of shebrie.

OH YEAH. this argo doesn’t know the commodore murdered his mother! important to note! he just assumes what he was told was true, that she sailed into dangerous territory and was ambushed. 

during the tribunal bit If That Even Happens In This World, i think fitzroy actually is the one who figures it out Before argo. and once argo does, well............fuck!

OKAY last little bit, just gonna talk about some random extra parts of the world that i’ve thought of already: 

in this universe, grey takes on higglemas’s identity instead of hieronymous’s!!! this is for good reason actually

okay so basically my thought was that, instead of whatever happened in canon yadda yadda dog time, hieronymous and grey are fighting and it’s a pretty evenly matched battle. there’s a cooldown moment where hiero thinks he’s safe but grey uses sneaky backhanded tactics to try and get the drop on him. 

only higgs sees it in time and saves his brother, taking the hit himself. he collapses, extremely wounded, and hiero rushes to his aid. he’s cradling his brother’s body, trying to keep him alive, when grey approaches to deliver the final blow. 

hiero is completely crushed and defeated and basically will let grey do anything to him by this point. the only thing he begs of is to let him live long enough to save his brother.

now, grey isn’t nice. let me make that clear. grey fucking SUCKS and the reason he agrees is because he wants a Real War with hiero and he can’t get that if hiero is basically like “if you let higgs die then you might as well kill me”.

so, grey agrees, and hiero ends up saving higgs by turning him into a cat. was supposed to be a temporary solution until he could find a better spell, but he wasn’t the magic guy in the duo. eventually, grey gets tired of waiting and decides to do some other shit. like turning the school the brothers have been running into a backalley place for demons!!

he takes the form of higglemas and leaves hieronymous locked in his office as basically a mascot. he’s like the queen and grey is the parliament--grey makes all the rules, but everyone assumes it’s hiero. faux-higgs is more on the ground, changing things and making the school a place more fitting for an eventual war. he builds up the concept of heroes and villains being Real, in the hopes he can sway some mortals to his side when he’s able to open a portal to hell. 

hiero still tries to stop this from happening, but his pride and his self-image is wounded by what happened. he feels guilty and puts the blame entirely on him, instead of doing the whole cowardice route like higgs did in canon. he gets people to help him eventually, via mind control and all tht jazz. 

also in this universe, buckminster is the one who gets birdified instead of leon!! has to do with my leon/buckminster and higgs/hiero narrative parallels that i’ve thought of for far too long.

firbolg is exactly the same in this universe. it is hard to swap three people and i didn’t want to think about him. 

fitzroy doesn’t pick a grab. i think he’d rather a lizard, like a bearded dragon. he names him something stupid. like scaly. or kyle. 

uhhh yeah!!! i think that’s....everything i’ve thought of so far!! lemme know if you wanna hear my takes on any other elements in the roleswap world!!!!

[sqwood-tentl]

15 question game

@srirachafilledbees ty i love these

nickname: anoosoo, a knee sa, patrick

zodiac: aquarious 

height: gnome (4′11)

last thing I googled: "parse int char java”  for comp sci hw 

song stuck in my head: Kocci Muite Baby - Ryo/ Supercell/ Miku

number of followers: 285? fairly certain 98% of them are bots lol

hours of sleep: idrg what this is asking. on avg i probably sleep abt 6 hrs. But ive noticed if i dont have an alarm i will sleep p much until the clock is the same number lol. example: when i go to bed at 2 am i wake up at 2 pm, if i go to bed at 4 am ill probably wake up abt 3:30pm. and then i get tired all day it sucks >:0

lucky number: 2 bc my birthday is 2/2/2002 

favorite song: too many/changes too often. Rn its probably Kocci Muite Baby or Stuff That I Like - Bomb the Music Industry  

favorite instrument: i play flute so ofc that is my #1 (for rn). But i also love the sound of violin and other bowed strings. And i rlly like deeeeep sounding things where u can almost feel it, so also bass and cello. And drums are in a category of their own. listening to drums isnt even like listening to music its an experience. i wanna learn how to play drums.

dream job:  i have many interests, and hobbies, and interests i want to turn into hobbies but am too broke for. I feel like if i became skilled enough in any one of them to make a living from it, while also being able to maintain a good work-life-balance, id be cool w that. The bar is set so low but somehow still seems impossible. fuck capitalism.

aesthetic:   i was very into the ocean/nautical aesthetic until abt 2015, then i was SUPER into forest/cottage in the woods aesthetic (and still am), i guess today would fall under “cottage core” but i have some arguments about that. [I could probably write an entire essay on this but this is the extremely cut down version: From what i perceive from the main apps i use, instagram, youtube and tiktok, it seems like there was a huge rise in popularity in cottage core aesthetic starting about Dec 2019. My main problem is, my own definition of what cottage core matched with what i saw online up until this big boom of cottagecore, and now it seems like what i think is *not* cottagecore is being called cottage core. But with something as conceptual and subjective as an aesthetic, it is really defined person to person, based on everyones own opinions and experiences and way of categorizing things. Plus language is defined by its speakers, so technically, the general definition of cottage core will always be whatever the majority of people define it as, at the time of definition. What i think happened is, when it got really popular, the range of what “fits” into cottage core widened alot, so while my aesthetic still falls under cottage core, it may fit better in a subcategory (a recent necessity) or entirely differently named aesthetic. Either that, or it was never cottagecore in the first place. again this is based on the content i see from the couple apps i primarily use, which is really only a sliver of all the cottagecore content there is]. My other aesthetic is dirty feral subway rat eating pizza under an incoming train and chainlink fence at 5pm in october No i will not elaborate.

favorite author: i cannot remember the last time i read a book that didnt eventually cause me too much stress to remember anything positive about it or the author

favorite animal noise: my husky when he go OOWWWWRRROOOOOOOO

random: I have synesthesia and alot of ppl with synesthesia say its helpful but i think mine hurts more than it helps lol. also, unrelated, i used to want to be a sniper. 

(idk who to tag. anyone can do it but if u do, tag me in it i like reading these :)

[twistednuns]

February 2021

Irises and purple, lavender and white hyacinths. For merely three bucks. What a gorgeous bouquet.

My own thai curry recipe. It's THAT delicious.

A pep talk from Manu. Realising I really need to take more chances. And get rid of that dude I've been hanging out with. I've been feeling so stuck lately. I'm toying with the idea of giving it all up. Quitting my job. Leaving the country. Just to see what happens. Because I'm pretty sure I'll love what happens next. / Whatever worlds you live in, there are other worlds out there. If you are uninspired living life a certain way, it’s your duty to change. Nothing, not a relationship or job or housing situation, is worth sacrificing your ravenous hunger for life for. X

I feel my obsession with artificial cherry flavour creeping back up on me. Cherry-flavoured diet coke is one of my guiltiest pleasures.

I keep seeing those multicolour graffiti tags everywhere and I finally found out what kind of pen they use for this effect! I ordered one, I just had to, and it's fantastic. So beautiful and vibrant! I've already asked around how illegal it is to walk around the neighbourhood signing my tag on random surfaces...

Fresh pineapple.

The ocean. Talking about diving. Watching documentaries about marine life like My Octopus Teacher and Blue Planet. Drawing nautical objects, sea dragons and mollusks.

Learning more about apophenia.

It actually smells like spring in the forest and the days are already so much longer. I even saw a deer jumping over the path last night. I even got Frank to join my on my walk for the first time.

A little glimpse of summer. The south of France is my happy place I keep going back to. But there are more little reminders of the world out there, of travel and summer, that I thoroughly enjoy. Like watching Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat with Samin Nosrat. Not only do I really want to try making my own Tahdig now but I also kept smiling throughout the whole show because they filmed episodes in Italy, Japan and Mexico. Just imagine walking across a citrus market in the Yucatan right now. Or making Pesto Genovese with an Italian nonna in a Ligurian castle. Maybe even learning how to make your own miso in a remote corner of Japan. There is so much longing within me at the moment. What made my virtual culinary travels even better was Netflix's Street Food series. I especially enjoyed the episodes from Bolivia and Mexico.

I May Destroy You. Different, and very relevant.

This year's Valentine's Day happened to be pretty rad. So I've exchanged the boring nerd I had been dating with an exciting artist from Colombia. John is a painter, a poet, photographer and filmmaker who gave me a Spanish copy of an Oscar Wilde book with a poem he had written for me. My cold and cynical German heart is not used to wooing on this level but I love it. On Sunday we walked through the English Garden and Schwabing in the sunshine, took photos, looked at some art and antiquarian bookshop windows. We saw two cats inside the cat café, bought fancy macarons at Maelu and just kept talking. I even found a few interesting books about dream interpretation on my way home. John has a reference to Kleist's tragedy Penthesilea tattooed on his collarbone - Küsse/Bisse ("das reimt sich, und wer recht von Herzen liebt, kann schon das eine für das andre greifen"). He is a Scorpio with impeccable taste and sends me songs he plays for me on the guitar / Cocteau Twins tunes upon waking up. I really needed this.

Having my students create English comics with Pixton. I love how much their avatars actually look like them! I hope they had fun, too.

The smell of cherry-flavoured candy wafting through the air.

Semolina pudding with banana. The subtle heat does something to the bananas; the combination is simply delicious.

I watched the first season of Chef's Table and was really impressed by Francis Mallmann. I admire his courage and lifestyle. The constant change he craves. The way he speaks foreign languages and just bravely does his very own, unique thing. I want to live like that, too.

A crystal clear view of the Orion constellation.

Very fine snow powder against the sunlight. As if it was raining glitter.

Feeling cool and confident. A fleeting feeling but it makes such a big difference.

When we practice forgiveness, we let go of shame. Embedded in our shame is always a sense of being unworthy. It separates. Compassion and forgiveness reconnect us. / reading bell hooks' all about love.

Mustering up enough motivation to go through all my stuff in the basement and put a few items on eBay. I'd been putting this off for years now.

I'm amazed how good my phone camera is. I took some pictures in the pitch-black forest and you can make out the moonlight on the path and even see star constellations on the photo.

Spending quality time with a cuddly kitty boi.

Blue corn quesadillas prepared for me by a bloody gorgeous Mexican metalhead.

Writing that message I should have written weeks ago (letting Simon know that I wasn't particularly  interested in dating him anymore).

Trolli burgers. The best gummy candy out there. Arguably the most fun. I love being able to disassemble my food and eat it layer by layer.

John's story about that acid trip on a boat somewhere in the ocean off the Colombian coast. They lay under the bright moonlight and were suddenly surrounded by Gray whales communicating with each other through song.

The spicy smell of a fresh, moist loaf of rye bread. Eating it with soured butter and salt.

The first snowdrops of the year.

Another one about the moon: walking home late one evening there was a lunar corona in the fog. I loved how the light illuminated my arms in that cool, white light.

The morning after the worst weekend in months or maybe even years (with both a mental breakdown and a medical emergency because misery loves company, eh?) Waking up early, pain-free. With a little spark of excitement and motivation. Just lying around for an hour in the darkness. Meditating. Falling back asleep for a little while. Getting up eventually, brushing my teeth and hair, painting my nails.

Painting more. Just experimenting with colour, intuitively. Without putting pressure on myself. The other night I painted with oil pastels and chalky pastel crayons while watching Dawson's Creek (I successfully avoided this series for 20 years and now, in my thirties, I start watching it?).

Bananas with nut butter, dark chocolate and sea salt.

Meditating with the blanket covering my nose. Breathing in fresh laundry smell.

Riding home from school with Anastasia, talking about diving adventures.

Reading Jill Heinerth's book Into the Planet. Her career as an explorer and cave diver is breathtakingly exciting. I couldn't put that memoir down. And it made me even more antsy. I'm really unhappy and bored right now - I wanna go out and learn something new, explore, live a little more.

Going to work without make-up. In the last ten or even fifteen years I put on make-up every single day I went to school. I'm done. Lockdown made me come to terms with the look of my bare face.

Learning about Antarctica cruises. It only takes about 24hours to reach the area from Argentina! I'd really love to go but the cruises are crazy expensive.

My house plants sprouting new leaves.

The moment the pain suddenly stops and you can breathe again.

Tropical breakfast. Banana, kiwi, mango, pineapple. And plain yoghurt. Decidedly non-tropical.

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 2: Lady Pirates? I’m Hooked

Sources:

Ching Shih

History vs Women: The Defiant Lives That They Don’t Want You To Know

History Erased Ssn 1 Ep 3: Ching Shih the Pirate Queen

Atlas Obscura

Further Reading: Rejected Princesses

Anne Bonny

National Parks Service

Smithsonian Magazine

Crime Museum

The Way of the Pirates

Anne Bonny Pirate

Rare Irish Stuff

Mariners Museum

Gráinne Ní Máille / Grace O’Malley

National Archives (UK)

History Ireland

Women’s Museum of Ireland

Anne Chambers – THE biographer of Grace O’Malley

The Irish Post

Royal Museums Greenwich

Grace O’Malley Whiskey / Gin (drink responsibly!)

Further Reading: Granuaile: The Life and Times of Grace O'Malley c.1530-1603

Click below for the transcript!

Alana: Lexi in the last episode you called me out for wanting to be a Chicago improver as if that's not also your dream. As if that is not also your goal.

Lexi: Oh, it was projection. Yeah it was– it was me projecting onto you. 

Alana: Yeah clearly like both of us that's the goal that's what we're doing.

Lexi: I'm mirroring myself off of you.  Like that's what's happening here yeah. Psychology.

Alana: I also, like, I don't just want to be a Chicago improver I want to be like– I wanna podcast like the wife of a jaded youtuber because I want to be Katherine Green.

Lexi: Okay that makes sense that that would be the goal for you.

Alana: The best of the Green brothers, Katherine Green.

Lexi: Yeah the best Green brother there is out there so…

Alana: It’s true. I mean, Sarah is great too but like Katherine's the best of the Green brothers Lexi: She's the best. The best there is.

Haley: Is that Hank's wife?

Alana: Katherine is Hank's wife yeah and then Sarah is John's wife.

Haley: Which one has kids? Hank?

Alana: They both do.

Haley: I thought it was only one of them.

Alana: No, Hank has a son. He's almost four now. Hank has a son who's almost four and then John has a son and a daughter. The daughter is six–

Haley: You know way too much of their life.

Alana: –and the son is ten.

Lexi: You’re… You’re a little stan.

Alana: I am a stan. Well because I've been following them since like 2012 like I remember when this child was born.

Lexi: That's true that's kind of how I feel about Rhett and Link. I kind of like know their whole life by proxy like I remember their kids being born but I don't I don't know them.

Haley: See I kind of feel that way with like the Duggar family but it's also that like my friends and I were just obsessed with the Duggars in like 2012.

Alana: No exactly. Also like I met John and Hank. They signed my copy of Paper Towns when I went to VidCon.

Lexi: That makes it real. 

Haley: Once you get like an autograph you know that person. Like Kara Cooney with her autographing my like– I think it was the woman's book not the like specific…

Alana: Not the Hatchepsut one?

Haley: Yeah it was the one that was like the women who changed the world or something and then she put like my name in hieroglyphs.

Lexi: Oh my god that’s so cute!

Alana: That’s so cool!

Haley: Yeah I fangirled so hard and then it was I made my mom go cause it was National Geographic doing it for like my small town, so I got two tickets, we were in the front row, I was taking notes, my mom called me a nerd. But afterwards and granted this was like right after I graduated so I was coming off the high of having an archaeology degree AKA really scared I wouldn’t find a job and dealing with my family.

Alana: What an interesting way to describe a high.

Lexi: Well I mean, I don't know if you’d get it unless you’ve felt it but we've all felt it. So, maybe dear listeners will be like I graduated college knowing I'd get a job and I'm not an archaeologist. (laughing)

Haley: No like I had grad school but still like there is this feeling that (laughing) I did a really, really poor choice. Like in the line it was all kids and then me fangirling and all these kids were like fangirling for the fact that this is like an Egyptologist not Kara Cooney as like the woman she is. (laughing)

Lexi: And I mean archaeologists are just nerds with Egypt books who didn’t grow up.

Haley: Exactly.

Alana: That’s true.

Haley: And she was just talking to me and she's like “oh like you seem to know about this” like I guess like I gave that impression it was like “yeah I actually just graduated from GW with an archaeology degree” and she– oh my god this is like, I've never felt– this was the peak of my life besides elementary school this was my peak she goes “Hey everyone we have an actual archaeologist here”

Alana: Oh my god!

Lexi: Oh my god!

Alana: Oh my god!

Speaker 1: And like I was at the somewhat back of the line and all these kids who are saying that like they love Indiana Jones they want to be archaeologists and she's like “we have another real archaeologist she just finished her degree” and I turned to my mom, winked, and said “can you tell that louder so she can hear? She had to pay for the degree.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: Also like that led into Kara Cooney just being like, because so many people were asking her why how or how she became an Egyptologist and her first response she was like “I was privileged like I had the privilege to get a great education.”

Lexi: That is such a good answer.

Alana: That’s such a good answer.

Lexi: I'm gonna steal that.

Alana: That’s amazing.

Lexi: I’m gonna plagiarize that answer.

Haley: I already have. I like, I know I very much know. You know even like with history and doing this podcast we can easily be doing some other like paying job but like we're taking the three hours to do this we have that privilege to do it. I love it. I'm gonna ride that train cuz I know once I graduate in December it’s not gonna be there.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History; the good the bad and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I am virtually here with Lexi. Lexi, do you remember the last time you dined in at a restaurant?

Lexi: Oh goodness. With you, I think?

Alana: Yeah

Lexi: Six months ago?

Alana: It was March 9th 2020 and it was all three of us at Tonic.

Lexi: That’s right! 

Alana: That third person is also in this Zoom meeting, of course, Haley is here too. Haley do you remember what you ordered at that meal?

Haley: We definitely split some tots cuz I made you, and then I got the like zazzy mac and cheese. It had some bread crumbs that's all I remember.

Alana: It did have some bread crumbs. I don't remember what I ordered. I do remember that I had two margaritas and they were expensive because I forgot to ask for bottom shelf tequila.

(Lexi laughing)

Haley: It was great because I like– I was the first person to look at the receipt and I said oh no no no. Cuz it was like Patron put as two separate shots so she had to pay for the margarita mix and the tequila separately. 

Alana: And I'm Alana and I've forgotten how to spell my own name on multiple occasions.

Haley: I am terrified of birds, it's not a good thing.

Lexi: So if you lived on a pirate ship… 

Haley: I couldn't.

Lexi: Okay. So if you lived on a pirate ship– you couldn’t live on a pirate ship, but if you did the bird would be the worst part?

Haley: Yeah.

Lexi: But you know who knows how to take care of birds?

Alana: Who?

Lexi: Pirates. That's probably not true, they probably treated them like– real poopy. But honestly I don't even know if that is the is that myth true?

Haley: I was about to ask that!

Lexi: Do parrots– my pirate did definitely not have a parrot there was no mention of a parrot.

Alana: No mention of a parrot for me either.

Haley: That was. Yeah.

Lexi: Wait what if my whole life is a lie because fun fact about me I have a parrot named Sergeant and a Portuguese water dog named Captain and my whole life is based around the nautical-ness and you can't see but in this room I have these paddles which is like a form of sorority art– long story we won't get into it– and they all have nautical themed paintings of my pets and if parrots and pirates don’t really go together, I'm stressed.

Haley: So okay, I have a theory on like why this is like a theme. Because they traveled all through like the Caribbean islands where those birds were just like flapping around so I think they're like “oh new exotic toys? swell.” So like they saw them and maybe like obviously took some back because like so many pirates just took things from where they like landed–

Lexi: That’s true.

Haley: And just like took over other ships. That's where I think it came from because nowhere in like my research– because I talk about like one, two pirates in mine– and doing like other research with like pirates in general no where was like “there was a parrot named Coconut on the ship.”

(Lexi and Alana laughing)

Lexi: Well they might have like taken them and sold them.

Haley: Yeah that's like.

Lexi: That seems more pirate-y to me.

Haley: Yeah that’s true.

Lexi: In my personal pirate opinion.

Haley: I also used to think Christopher Columbus was a pirate but that's a whole other story.

Lexi: I mean–

Haley: It’s close enough.

Lexi: I mean…

Alana: I mean…

Lexi: I mean… 

Haley: Maybe like small Haley was on to something but I definitely remember thinking like explorers were pirates at some point. Like a wire was crossed in my education.

Alana: I think small Haley was onto something. Maybe that crossed wire put you onto something.

Haley: There's so many moments of like me remembering my childhood where I came up with something that was like inherently wrong but like now looking back on it I was like nah I was fucking genius.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: I knew my stuff.

Lexi: Arrrre ya ready ladies?

Haley: Yes.

Lexi: Oh, the answer–

Alana: I wasn’t allowed to watch Spongebob as a kid and that’s a personality trait.

Lexi: The answer was “aye aye, captain” and neither of you got it. Let’s try again.

Alana: I wasn’t allowed to watch Spongebob as a kid!

Lexi: Let’s just try it one more time. Arrrrre ya ready ladies?

Haley: (laughing) Aye aye captain!

Alana: I don’t know

Lexi: Okay, well anyway… I will be talking about Ching Shih, whose name I'm trying very hard to say correctly but I may be messing up. I actually called upon my former roommate who is my lifelong friend who– she is Chinese so I asked her “how do you say this” and she sent me a recording of how it’s said but it was one of those recordings you can only listen to one time and then it goes away forever. So my best interpretation is [Chung Shih]. But it's actually spelled C. H. I. N. G. which–

Alana: I was gonna say–

Lexi: shows you how complicated Chinese language is. But technically the pronunciation I got from a person who speaks Cantonese is [Chung She] so… do with that what you will. I do speak Korean which is completely unrelated and in no way useful in this situation. Cantonese is not in my wheelhouse… no I don't speak Asian. Thank you. Okay so–

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: I actually picked her because when I asked my brother to… my brother one of his, like, side dreams is to become a filmmaker but he doesn't really want to do it because someone in the family has to make money with their career choice. So when I ask him like what historical story he would make into a movie if you had like a big budget news a famous director he said he would make a biopic about Ching Shih because by virtue of being a woman and a pirate her story is both empowering and naturally full of a diverse cast of characters so you wouldn't have to force diversity into the story. It's a historical story that has a really diverse cast so I thought that was really insightful of him so he just got really really interested in Ching Shih and also another preface: getting information on Ching Shih is pretty difficult and a lot of the information we have about our life comes from speculation and oral history because she was a criminal so it's not like people really recorded a lot of the things she did and she was a woman so it's not like China at the time she was alive people really cared what women were doing, unfortunately. So I will do my best to rely on like recorded oral traditions and some primary text sources, not like speculation in this description but inherently by virtue of her story there is a little stuff that's like open to interpretation up in the air. Do with that what you will check out she was basically a queen of pirates, and records of Ching Shih's birth and childhood do not exist. All we know is that directly before she became a pirate she was working at a Cantonese brothel in southeastern China and in 1801 her life changed forever when she married a man named [Chung Yi] who was the commander of a group of pirates called the Red Flag Fleet. This is like the most notorious group of pirates in China at the time, and the legend says that he sought Ching Shih as a bride because of her cunning nature and her skills wielding power over like wealthy, powerful men, which she had learned while working as a prostitute in a brothel which I think is a pretty interesting... interesting way of looking at that job. I think a lot of times people look down on that job but her husband wanted her because of the skills she obtained in that job. And after marrying a pirate overlord, Ching Shih realizes that a pirate's life was for her (Lexi making rimshot noise). So she's starting to–

Alana: I liked that joke. That was- amazing.

Lexi: Thank you, thank you, pause for laughter.

(All laughing)

Lexi: Thank you. I'll be here... all day because I'm in my house and we're stuck at home. So, yeah, she started to get involved in the family business, she really liked the pirating. And maritime trade was, like, super popular at the time. People were calling it like that the Maritime Silk Road, so it was a very big time for maritime trade in this early 1800s in East Asia. And, so it was really common for pirate families to span generations, so, like, a grandfather, father, and son or like you know a mother and son would have many pirates that they rule over together. But she was the biggest pirate family. Her family was the biggest pirate family. And with her help, her husband's pirate empire got like really huge, with some accounts suggesting that they commanded upwards of eighty thousand pirates though some sources do differ on this exact number I've seen as low as forty thousand as high as a hundred thousand but eighty thousand–

Alana (audibly sarcastic): Forty thousand that so few. That’s not really impressive.

Lexi: I mean, would you like a comparison to stick to really stick it home?

Alana:  Yeah sure.

Lexi: The notorious pirate you may have heard of, Blackbeard? We’ve heard of Blackbeard? Haley: Definitely like twenty.

Lexi: Three hundred. So just like for scale, for comparison… Ching Shih had a lot of pirates. And in 1807 her husband suddenly and unexpectedly died. One written record suggests that he was murdered, another one says that he had an STD. So we're not totally sure which one but he died and he had no blood heir, the two of them had not had a child yet. But he did have an adoptive son who was also his lover, which at first I was like wait that's really weird but apparently in this era in Chinese history if you wanted to like give power to someone to like take over your family business you would adopt them legally as your child even if they were an adult. So he had this male lover he wanted to give the business to so he adopted the male lover as a son. But basically everyone's assuming that this guy, this adopted son, is going to take over the family business and he will become the the pirate emperor, if you will. But at this point Ching Shih is like not ready to give up her power. She is in control, she's in charge, she wants to stay in charge of the pirates so she decides to take up her favorite old method of getting what she wants: seduction. And she starts hooking up with her husband’s son-lover and then marries him. So, through her skills of manipulation and seduction, she maintains her position as a leader of this massive pirate brigade. And oral tradition suggests that many nations’ navies fell victim to her pirate fleet, including the Portuguese, British, and Chinese navies. All of them lost naval ships to Ching Shih. The Chinese government realize that Ching Shih was a big threat, that she was so powerful there was no way they would ever defeat her fleet by force. So they decided to reach an agreement with her, almost like a treaty, but not a treaty since it wasn't between two nations it was with a criminal. So they offered her immunity or like the ability to not get charged or punished if she agreed to stop pirating, but she was not gonna go down without a fight. So she accepted only if the Chinese government would allow her to keep all of the loot that she'd already acquired. So she's agreed to stop pirating, but not to give back anything that she had acquired while pirating. So she ended up this really rich woman who opened a brothel in South China and just chilled for the rest of her life. And the really crazy thing about Ching Shih is her lasting legacy. Even though most people never heard of her she's actually been referenced a lot in pop culture. She was mentioned in two Assassin’s Creed spin-off games and she inspired a character in the Pirates of the Caribbean series Madame [Chung]. They also featured her in Rejected Princesses which is a book about like famous women from history who could be princesses but don't fit the traditional role of what a princess is. So I thought that was really cool, and I would love to see an edgy movie about her life and her history. That's Ching Shih.

Haley: I love that. I feel like I knew her name when I saw you putting it on the spreadsheet, like I– I was like oh I know that from somewhere like I feel like I knew her story.

Alana: I love that I think that's cool.

Haley: Alright, so you know how I did Amelia Earhart last week, we don't know what happened with her death? Same train. Or same boat, if you will.

(Alana and Lexi laughing)

Haley: We just– I'm gonna do Anne Bonny who's like a famous pirate. She's a famous Irish pirate. And I only knew this because when I started dating Robert who's hundred percent Irish I was like oh let me just Google some like famous Irish people think it's like as a joke like slip it into conversation and she came up and I just always, kinda thought about her. I also thought about her but also she comes up as more of a legend type of thing like for some parts of the story there are parts where I was like this doesn't seem real and other parts like this is fact. I also have a great pirate joke if I could tingle your taste buds with it.

Lexi: Go for it.

Haley: What does a dyslexic pirate say?

Alana: Rrraaaa? I don’t know

Lexi: I see what you were trying to do.

Alana: Thank you. What do they say?

Haley: ARRRRG. No, wait... I read it wrong

(Alana & Lexi laughing)

Haley: It’s GRAA. I’m a little dyslexic to begin with and I have some trouble reading and I just f-ed my own joke. This is one of those jokes that you uhh have in your brain. I saw it on a t-shirt when I was like in Florida, years and years back and it’s always and it has always been in my brain for that long. Alright! So let’s get hooked for this golden age of piracy. Uh. She was born and like raised in Ireland and we are going to talk about Ireland a little, but she was more active in the Caribbean.I couldn’t find, Lexi, what you were talking about with your gal about inspiration for some of the pirates in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. She's known as like a pirate well known in the active pirate Caribbean circle but I couldn't find of her influence in like in modern. Maybe I just like wasn't looking in the right places. But she was born like the late 1600s and we're already off to a rocky start with her story because she was born to an attorney William Cormac who had an affair with the family maid, Mary Brennan and because of this whole affair William's wife left him. So like immediately there's just some family struggle Mary gave birth to Anne and it was kind of like a weird situation where William acknowledged and as his daughter but in a secretive sort of sense like Mary and Anne lived removed from the family. William would visit and he became fond of her but also didn't want her to be like here’s my daughter and like out in society as his daughter so to avoid any scandal he was like a-ha I'm gonna dress Anne up as a boy and introduce her as like the child of a relative. All my friends in the town and like my attorney friends won't know she's my child and also they’ll think she's a boy. But she's like still a relative of mine. Like that's why we look so similar. So already that's just opening up a whole can of worms of identity and just family issues. Lexi is giving me a face. Yeah no it's a lot. And this is great, for one of the sources, quote “when Anne's true gender” (nervous laughter) and parentage was discovered, William and Mary were like okay we can't be in Ireland anymore like let's peace and I believe they're in like the town of County Cork. Robert informed me is not where he's from, he's from Limerick and got real mad that I confused the two. 

(Alana laughing)

Haley: But we peaced from Ireland, and now our story is going to Charleston, South Carolina or what is now Charleston, South Carolina. It was like known as the Carolinas area. And Mary died somewhat soon after and 1711. Anne was going through her angsty teen years. Instead of listening to that good emo music, she turned into quote “a fierce and courageous temper.”

Alana: Me too.

Haley: But like, hold up, because I don’t think you like, murdered people. Like she–

Alana: That’s true. I was gonna be like “you don’t know that” but also I shouldn’t implicate myself for murder on a podcast. I did not kill anybody.

Haley: No no no. She reportedly murdered with the many articles and sources called a servant girl with a case knife which I'm not a hundred percent sure what a case knife is. I tried googling it but all the knives looked different to me. And beating - this is kind of like honestly this part I'm not I don't have so much problems with -  beating half to death a dude who tried to rape her. Like that was self defense like I don't know why that being slipped in.

Alana: Yeah, good. Amazing.

Haley: I guess she got that power of “cool I can do some damage I can defend myself” because she later turned into a pirate. But we're not there yet. We’re at the part where William is just not a fan of how his daughter's acting. It was more not out of sense of protecting her, but more protecting his reputation because along with this fierce and courageous temper there were rumors of her sleeping around with the fishermen and like the other quote unquote drunks in the different bars and taverns that they had that you just go to. He said it was like bad for business. And he's not an attorney anymore; he owns a plantation. I didn't find out like what the plantation was where it was blah blah bla. But that's not important, we're here for Anne. Anne married a small time pirate which honestly is like a fancy name for poor sailor in this area, named James Bonny. Honestly I couldn't figure out whether he was a pirate already or like a small time pirate or a sailor because like from all the sources I read that mentioned him like he's real small potatoes in her life story. He was on a boat, loved the fish, maybe had a pirate friend, a bird, a parrot. But he's definitely the source of her leading into the piracy gang. Her father disapproved of James immediately and basically disowned her in the sense of like kicking her out of the house and was like, no if you’re going to live like this, then I’m not helping you, trying to instil that fatherly sense. And this is another great quote. From the National Park Service so the literal sentence after this whole kicking out situation - “Anne may have burned her father’s plantation in retaliation (she was known for her temper.)”

(Alana giggling)

Haley: I tried, this is where I tried to like Google the plantation and everything. I couldn't find anything concrete of like, this plantation and this burning, but like she could’ve burned down her father’s plantation.

Alana: Maybe that’s why you can't find anything about it, because it burned down.

Haley: Honestly, good point. So sometime between 1714 and 1718 Anne and James moved around like the Bahamas area and at this maybe it's still called this but at the time it was known as like the Republic of Pirates, so it's like the collection of the Bahama islands and you just sail around it. And it was like this sanctuary for English pirates so it's kind of under English law but really it's small defenseless islands with more pirate ships they couldn’t take over. And they kind of like lived– like I couldn't find out like what I think it was like Nassau but that's like the modern name for the Bahama island. But I couldn't find out like exactly where they landed or if they just landed a cluster of islands. They kind of just like lived in that area. James did whatever James did. But Anne hung out at the local taverns. I want to be a regular at a bar one day. And that's where she met John “Calico Jack” Rackham and the fun nickname of Calico Jack was from the colorful pants he wore. He was the captain of a ship or boat called “Revenge” and every time I saw the name “Revenge” it was all in caps like bolded, just like you gotta know this boat’s named “Revenge.” Anne realized that she wanted to be with Calico Jack and not James but James refused to get a divorce. He was like no, we’re married, death do us part, blah blah blah. Anne was just like “nah.” Jumped ship from that marriage.

(Alana laughing) 

Haley: And joined Calico Jack as a crew member aboard the “Revenge.” And over the next years, they were active in and around like Jamaica doing what pirates do; capturing other vessels, taking their riches or like spoils, collecting all the booty. This vessel or one of these vessels included another female pirate, Mary Read, and she basically infiltrated the pirate ships, infiltrated the ranks of the pirate ships by dressing as a man. I don't know if like– they have like this– I like– I imagined Anne like walking on the ship, bumping into Mary, and being like “No. You're a woman dressed up as a man, I know this” and then Mary being like “whoa, you’re a woman too? No way.” Like having some sort of like face to face, heart to heart because they became like best friends.

Alana: Were they gal pals? Were they best– best friends? Were they roommates? Were they gal pals?

Haley: I don’t know, they were definitely gal pals and they definitely got into some mischief together. I. E. in October of 1720 ish Calico Jack and his crew were captured by a ship called “King's Ship.” It was like under the commissioner like under the government of like Jamaica. So, a pirate hunter, Jonathan Barnett, was kind of like “Ah, you guys are coming with me, you’re pirates, that's a big no no.” So during this capture most of the men were just like hiding at the bottom of the ship in the barracks or something and it was Anne and Mary who are like kicking butt on the top deck. Like many of the sources made a point to stress that like it was Anne and Mary really kicking some butt and everyone else was hiding during this like siege. In accordance with English common law, Anne and Mary were like given a stay of execution because like once they're captured it’s like y'all are going to be hanged. Like we don't have a jail system up and running yet. Execution. Only way to go. But since they were pregnant, or claiming to be pregnant, we don't super know, they were allowed to live until the children were born. If they said that they were pregnant, that’s another few few months to live.

Alana: We love prioritizing a fetus over a living woman.

Haley: Yeah.

Alana: We love that. That’s gonna be a big old slash S from me, kids.

Haley: Yeah. Now we get to the point where there's no official record but I'm– I'm gonna speculate that there's no official record for a lot of this. Like not so scholarly sources nonetheless, oral tradition is still a thing. We’ll listen to it, we'll speak about it. We get to the point where like they're both in prison but Read– uh, Mary Read dies of the fever. So like she doesn't last to like give birth, somehow get out of the get out of it saying there was a fetus inside me I don't know why this fetus isn't growing. And then for Anne, at least, some people say that you just like died in prison and like eventually was like hanged. Others say that she escaped from prison and went on to just be a pirate again, master of disguise, she loved doing what she wanted to do I guess. But the real like meat and potatoes of the legend is that her father paid for her ransom to get back to the Carolinas. And so after she gave birth, she was actually pregnant with Calico Jack’s child. They never mentioned Calico Jack and I'm assuming since he was a dude he was just executed because like he couldn't give birth to some, like, to a child. So he died and she basically was like “I'm gonna move on, I have this child I'm in the Carolinas again” and met another guy named Joseph and they had like ten kids. Raised those ten kids, and she died like a respectable woman at age 88. That's like literally where it leaves off. Went back to the Carolinas, her dad paid ransom. And there's more about like the dad paying ransom than any of the other accounts.

Alana: Wow.

Haley: That's our pirate Anne.

Alana: So, I told some of my internet friends about this theme. I didn't say who we were doing because that's spoilers. But one of them asked if we were gonna talk about the lady pirate who would fight dressed like a man, and then right before she killed people would like, pull out one of her tits. Is that this person?

Haley: I think that's Mary. I think that's Mary. I think that's her buddy.

Alana: I was gonna say– I feel like it was one of them.

Haley: I didn't read any of that for Anne.

Alana: I also, like so the source for that I remember seeing is literally from Tumblr, and I take my Tumblr history lessons with more salt than the Dead Sea.

Lexi: Oh. Oh, yeah that is the only way. that is the only way to take the Tumblr history lessons.

Haley: More salt than– that’s awesome. I want that on a t-shirt.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: Yeah she has her own website Anne Bonny pirate dot com which I like perused at.

Lexi: Which is like a fifty year old man in Florida who learned how to code…

Haley: And that is really where I got like the legend stuff because like National Park Service literally put we don't know what happened to her and I wanted to sprinkle in some mystery.

Lexi: Put a little spice.

Haley: Yeah, but like, Smithsonian Mag did a piece on her, there's like another blog of– called “Rare Irish Stuff.” All the museum stuff, National Park Service, was coming from here is what she did in the early stages of life and here's what she did as a pirate, all the blogs are like this is the legend of her death.

Lexi: Alright, Alana?

Alana: Okay. My turn. I'm so excited for this, I'm so glad that like it wasn't my idea to do this one second, like someone else was like “can we do pirates second” I was like I was going to ask to do pirates second! Okay. So I'm also talking about an Irish pirate but, like, a hundred and fifty years before Anne Bonny. I'm talking about Gráinne Ní Máille [Grawinya ni Mawila] or Grace O’Malley. Shout out to Susan Johnston for that pronunciation help. Love her. Miss her. Doctor Johnston I hope you're listening and I miss you and stay safe. Anyway Gráinne is born circa 1530 ce ish somewhere near… Some sources say Clare Island, some say Achill Island. Either way those are islands in Clew Bay, which is Northwestern Ireland. Her parents Owen and Margaret– or Maeve in Irish– Ní Máille… that one’s cute because we'll see later but like she names her first son and her daughter after them. Gráinne has like a leg up when it comes to pirating, because her family made their living at sea, instead of other families in that area other clans in that area were mostly farming. So already she was on the water. There is a legend– a lot of her stuff is legend– but there is a legend that as a child she wanted to go travel or maybe it was a trading expedition to Spain with her father but her father was like “no no no. Your hair is gonna get tangled in the ropes you can come with us.” So she cut off all of her hair. And this is how she gets the nickname Gráinne Mhaol [woil] and Mhaol means the bald. Like it means short haired or bald. And she's like so cool and so badass that– she does have an older half brother named Donál– but Gráinne inherits her father's land and his title instead of the brother. I am trying to do the Irish names just because I feel like that's more… 

Haley: Look you’re so ahead of me. I asked Robert. I should have asked Susan Johnston. 

Alana: You should’ve asked Susan Johnston. I– so, lowkey, Lexi you can decide whether or not to keep this in. I wanted to ask Johnston because I wanted to like lowkey find a way to tell her we were doing a podcast without being like “we're doing a podcast!” so I wanted to ask for help so I wasn't just like bragging.

Haley: See I thought, like, living with a person from Ireland, like hundred percent Irish would be helpful.

Alana: I love Susan Johnston. She's worked in Ireland for like years and years and years and she never adopts an Irish accent by accident except when she says the word Ireland. I don't know if you guys have noticed this.

Haley: I notice that. I love her.

Alana: She says Ireland in an Irish accent. It’s the best thing in the world. Anyway. So. She is fifteen or sixteen ish, gets married to a man named Donál O’Flaherty in 1546. They have three children; Owen, Maeve, and it's anglicized to Morrough but it's like Murchadh [Merchai] which sounds like a Hebrew name to me. Seemingly, part of her dowry was three galleys and twenty ships. And the reason that that's probably part of her dowry is based on Irish law she would get them back at a dissolution of the marriage. Which we'll get to why the marriage was dissolved. So the fact that like she was able to keep them after the marriage ended makes it seem like maybe like they came with her into this marriage and so they were part of the dowry. Poor Mr O'Flaherty was hot tempered and feuding with the neighboring clans just for S’s and G’s, shits and grins, just cuz. And in 1564 he is mortally wounded in a territorial skirmish and Gráinne takes back his castle. Another legend says that it was originally known as Cock’s Castle and became later known as Hen's Castle because she took it back, which is fun. So that is why the marriage dissolved, because he died. Three years after he dies– he died in 1564– she gets remarried to someone named Richard Bourke in 1567. He's known as Richard na-Iarrain which means iron, so his nickname is Iron Dick. Multiple of my sources called him that which is fun.

(Haley laughing)

Alana: They just called him like Iron Dick Bourke and I was like okay. I guess this is happening. Supposedly she divorced him in 1568. He came home from something and his clothes and his stuff was packed outside their room and she was like “we're not married anymore!” But Ireland– I don't know if you knew this– remember how last episode I was like “Russia is cold”? Ireland is Catholic. So a divorce was not gonna fly. So it was either like he pissed her off and she was like you're going to sleep on the couch for whatever or like they just kept pretending but they weren't friends or actually in love and they just kept pretending to be married. He died in 1583 of natural causes. Gráinne, who had taken a break from being a pirate and a rebel, which we’ll get to in a sec, goes back to that. Having, like, being a single woman again. So here are some of her pirate-y things. Her ships were not great for open ocean so her piracy or the way that she was being a pirate was short distance raids from her little strongholds in northwest Ireland and they would like levy tolls on passing ships and if they didn't pay… bad things. Bad things would happen. An English lord once referred to her as “The nurse of all rebellions in this province for forty years.” She gave birth to her youngest son and her only child with Iron Dick whose name is Theobold, or Tibbot, or Tiobóid on a ship on the way back from something, and the next day they were attacked by Algerian pirates. The legend around it says that they attacked within an hour. And so she just wrapped up this child and put it down and was like “okay we're gonna go kill these Algerian pirates now.” There's also a legend of her at Howth Castle which is in Dublin. The story goes that she was denied entrance because the family was at dinner. She thought this was super rude so she kidnapped the grandson of the Earl and returns him in exchange for the promise that the family would always have an open chair for her at their dinner table. She's like Irish Elijah. There's an empty seat for her, always. Between husbands, she took a lover Hugh de Lacy. And he– they were like pirating it up together and he was killed by some people they were raiding and so Gráinne got revenge on the castle called Doona Castle. And she gets the nickname– she's got all these nicknames, but this one I think is my favorite. It's Dark Lady of Doona, which I'm a big fan of. I really like that one. She has this like archnemesis– Professor Johnston, Dr Johnston called Elizabeth I Gráinne’s number one enemy, which, kind of, but I think this guy is her number one archenemy. Richard Bingham, who is a Lord in her county.In County Mayo, is the English Lord because England is like encroaching upon Ireland, which is a long running thing throughout history. This Lord, who was being basically like the English governor in Ireland, captured her and almost hung her but Gráinne’s son-in-law, whose name is also Richard Burke, and I'm not sure how that happened. This is a different Richard Burke though because his nickname is Devil’s Hook. But he intervened and saved her from the gallows. And at one point she got home from– she'd been like doing this not quite a cold war because it definitely got hot at some times. She's been doing this like butting heads with Richard Bingham. And her son, Murchadh or Murray or Murrough or whatever, had sided with Bingham, so Gráinne destroyed his land and burned his castle down. Motherly love, man. So we are going to now talk about Gráinne and Elizabeth I who met for the first time in 1593. So Elizabeth is concerned about Ireland. Her father Henry VIII was the first person to call himself King of Ireland, or like in a while, was the first king of England to call himself king of Ireland as well. so there's some like tension between their families. So Ireland is still Catholic, even though famously, at this point, England has not been Catholic. And it's got all these green pastures like they could very easily rise up against her. And they have this relationship with Spain, and Spain and England are not friends. But Gráinne has a problem as well. Her lands have been taken by Richard Bingham, her oldest son Owen was killed, and Tibbot, that one, her youngest son was captured by Bingham. And so Gráinne petitions for an audience to plead her case, and she's granted it. This meeting does not go great. Gráinne refuses to bow– a lot of this is legend– refuses to bow because she's also queen, and so queens shouldn't bow to other queens. supposedly she brought a dagger into their meeting but it was confiscated. The meeting was supposedly conducted in Latin because it was quote “the only language they shared.” I don't think it was the only language they shared because Gráinne petitioned in English, and probably– was like a noble Irish woman– and probably also spoke English, probably spoke some Spanish. I think she spoke both English and Irish perfectly well, but I love the idea that she goes to Elizabeth and is like “we're not going to conduct this in your language” because Elizabeth probably didn't speak that much Irish, she was like “I could do this but I'm gonna put you out. You’re gonna– I am the underdog here, I am asking for help but we're going to do this on my terms.”

Haley: When you say “Irish” are you saying Gaelic or is this like another– I'm thinking of like…

Alana: Irish Gaelic.

Haley: Okay I'm thinking of Johnston's Celts class where she had the whole… Irish…

Alana: Yeah. This is Irish specific. Irish Gaelic.

Haley: Okay cool.

Alana: So supposedly at one point Gráinne sneezed, and one of Elizabeth's ladies in waiting gave her a handkerchief and so Gráinne blew her nose and then she threw the handkerchief in the fire, to a scandalized response. People were like “you should– this is a very expensive and beautiful gift and you should have kept it.” And Gráinne says “no. In Ireland that's a dirty frigging rag, and we should dispose of it.” So, like, that's another one of these things that I'm like– I don't, I really don't, like I think it's rude to like, call out other cultures on being gross but like… She just called your culture gross like what a badass. So they came to this agreement that Gráinne would stop openly rebelling against the Crown in exchange for the release of her son the return of her lands and Richard Bingham would be removed from his seat of power. Took too long. In Gráinne’s opinion, took too long. Her son was released, but the rest of it took too long so she started back up doing that rebel thing. All of that rebelling against the crown… We love it, we love to see it. And she died of natural causes in 1603 ish, again not really calendars, so she’s approximately seventy three, which is a pretty nice old age considering her lifestyle. I do wanna talk a little bit about Gráinne now. She is an icon of Irish history for standing up to England which really… Something that… So I was in Ireland, I don't know if you knew this about me, but I spent a month in Ireland. And I was there for Fourth of July. I said like the one Irish guy who was on the deck with us, Paul– shout out Paul– I said you know the main message of the Fourth of July is “England get fucked” and I feel like the Irish could get behind that. So that's why Gráinne is really like she's everywhere… to the point that there is a Grace O'Malley whiskey and gin company that will ship in– anywhere in the US. I do think they are Ireland based but they will ship in the US. Each bottle is forty dollars and you have free shipping on two bottles. This is– they're not sponsoring me. I'm telling you two this in case you wanna get me a gift, or if someone who's listening wants to DM me, and get me a gift, I would be willing to try it. I looked at my liquor store and they did not have it but I did look at my liquor store.

Haley: I think I've had it before. It's good gin if I'm thinking of the label correctly. It’s good

Alana: I can send you a picture of it.

Haley: I love gin. Gin’s like my drink of choice.

Alana: The tagline is like “Believe in Grace” and I'm like “cool!” Love that. Love to see it. Anyway. So I'm really– I was really excited about this one. I think she's a really cool person, a lot of fun.

Lexi: You know what I think is interesting? All of our ladies, if legend holds correctly, like if the popular legend holds correctly, did not die in their crazy rebellious lifestyles they just died as old ladies living their life.

Haley: Yeah.

Lexi: So you know people always talk about taking risks and stuff, why not do it? Because you’ll probably just die an old lady anyway.

Alana: You will probably die an old lady anyway. That's true. I love this episode. this was so much fun. I love this podcast.

Lexi: Alright, you ready for an outro

Alana: Yeah.

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don't like the show, keep it yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra, you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us. Next time on Lady History.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week, on Lady History we're gonna be talking about women of legend. Are they real? Are they not? What's up with their stories? We don't know, you don’t know, but we’ll all find out together.

Haley: Kara Cooney I love you.

Alana: Some quick corrections to last week’s episode: Ginger Rogers was Fred Astaire’s dance partner, not Grace Kelley. Also, my mom was the one who was almost eight when they were stopped at the airport in Israel. My uncle was five.

[jcmorrigan]

I don’t know if anyone here has been following the saga of my OC’s, which consists of me finally being brave enough to talk about them on Tumblr because what’s the use of guarding characters I don’t even have a manuscript for? And I wanna have fun. But mostly I’ve just been tagging fashion sets that belong to them, and as of late last night, too many prompts

I had been attempting to write a piece that introduces my villains in a SERIOUS manner by showing off the evil circus I plan to house them all in where each has a different tent they devote to an “act” that’s really their brand of villainy (dancing with deadly weapons, serving poison at the drinks garden, slaying innocent monsters for show, training horrific monsters from the deep sea), but I keep slacking on it, and I also keep adding new villains to the mix that would shake up the outline, so that’s stagnant.

But you know what I did figure out? Last night, I found a prompt that asked which of my OCs would go to Wal-Mart at midnight for fun. And my answer was that Alivain (the villainous leader, a smug young man who is not at all a Mozenrath ripoff) would take all his villain bros to Wal-Mart for a legitimate errand run, then turn around and realize they had all immediately scattered and just go “Oh no.” So here, I’m gonna introduce you to my villain squad by telling you what shit they would start in a Wal-Mart

Versafina is a weapons aficionado, so she’s gonna be looking for things that she can add to her repertoire of melee weapons. Especially small things that can fit in her hidden pockets...and not get noticed by security as she smuggles them out without paying. She spends way too long in the hardware section trying to figure out if a socket wrench is as good for scooping out eyes as she thinks.

Phantasia is busy giving herself a makeover in the cosmetics section, being the glam queen she is. She’s also opened it up for any teammates to come up to her and receive makeovers. She’s not paying for any of it either. Phantasia has also tested all the spray perfumes, then ran out of skin to spray, so she dragged Anastasios over. Anastasios is the physically oldest of the group, a rather elderly man who is about done with all these rowdy millennials (he’s just the character that’s there to say “OK Boomer” to), and he wanted to actually shop for the thing Alivain wanted except Phantasia is using him for more test perfume sprays and he won’t admit he likes smelling pretty.

Zangary is my resident monster hunter and also one of the sane men in the group and he probably ACTUALLY went to get what they came for in the first place and paid for it like a normal person, but no one noticed because no one expected anyone to actually do that. (*sweats nervously* Stoic monster hunter who wears purple and is shippable with the attractive sorcerer? I...I didn’t...it’s not the ADJL Huntsman no)

Dweixyn is lazy as hell and just found some patio furniture to collapse into and take a nap. Except she wears sunglasses everywhere she goes for the aesthetic, so the staff members who pass her briefly don’t realize her eyes are shut at first.

Belador wants two things out of life: to blow things up and to party hard. And because it’s probably not a good idea to blow up the Wal-Mart right now, he’s in the process of attempting to arrange several electronics and lamps to create a tiny pseudo-nightclub. He may also have hijacked the PA system for this purpose and is blasting techno.

Yridel is an angsty cyborg. She went right to the electronics section to see how many things she could connect to and corrupt. Eventually, she found a portable speaker through which she could just blast “Born Depressed” by Drill Queen on repeat, because it’s #mood for her, and just starts strutting around the store doing this to show off how edgy she is. Her snooty boyfriend who is usually narcissistic except when it comes to her, Lainnhartt, is following her and tossing confetti or an acceptable substitute in her wake, going, “That is my GIRL!”

Sherida is a monster who has a humanoid body, so she usually wears a bodysuit and a motorcycle helmet to pass among the general public. Well, tonight, she’s decided to take a walk in the mostly-deserted Wal-Mart with her helmet off so she can have a breather, but she came across some midnight shoppers who saw her paper-pale skin with blue veins, her lack of nose, her slit-pupil eyes, and her wide mouth full of fangs, and started panicking. So Sherida did the reasonable thing and began to eat them right there on the floor. Blood everywhere.

Lirian and Calpurniko are two teen girls - though Lirian is actually Fair Folk and has been alive for hundreds of years, but physically and mentally, she’s a teen. Lirian is a yandere and very exciteable; Calpurniko is a doomsday-device mechanic on a constant sugar high. So the two of them head right to the toy aisle to have a Nerf gun fight. Which is all fun and games until Calpurniko disappears into the hardware section for fifteen minutes and emerges with an augmented Nerf that can shoot (poisoned) foam darts at actual ballistic speeds.

Rachneira and Tomagi are also teens. Rachneira is a morbid Goth and also a variant of Fair Folk who is derived from spiders and therefore can spin webbing (and maybe has four arms? Undecided). Tomagi is an angsty sorceress who is mute. So the two of them decide to rifle through the cheap DVD bin, as kids do, and Rachneira keeps pulling out increasingly more disturbing horror films and stating in an ennui-laden tone that Tomagi should probably see them all before she dies. Then security blows by on their way to stop Belador from creating a mini-rave, they realize these kids are with the troublemakers, they turn on them, and Rachneira just webs her way up to chill out on the ceiling for a bit (as you do) while Tomagi gets angry and magically blasts the guards across the entire store, taking out several shelving units.

Diamandian puts on the airs of being a high-society man. What he is is a former manservant who killed his employer and usurped his fortune. He carries a white lace parasol wherever he goes. He heads right to the clothing section for the entire purpose of roasting every piece he finds, ripping it all off the hangers and throwing it to the ground because it’s all “Trash for the peasants!”.

Maraya is a pirate queen who is also an Eldritch Abomination thanks to an ancient tome of horrors. (Pink skin, silver or purple hair, the tattoos she previously had of nautical symbolism are now bright silver, pupil-less glowing eyes, stores a bunch of tentacles in her back.) She has a first mate, Soligeo, who has no eyes and many spidery limbs because he used the same book. Being that they’re pirates, they’re going to steal stuff, and they’re not gonna be subtle about it. They start ransacking the shelves and bragging very loudly about the fact that they will NOT BE PAYING FOR THIS. Unlike Sherida, Maraya doesn’t care so much about covering her monster exterior, and she likes scaring people for fun.

Kaxhalen is an intergalactic alien warlord (blue skin, silver hair) who acts like a stoic in the general public but is secretly neurotic and exciteable. He has sequestered himself in a fort made of bedding with several craft supplies he’s stolen to work on a therapy project.

Osmend Osmodias is a smug gambler, so he just sets up a shell game in the corner of the store and starts charging shoppers to find the hidden bean. When the guards try to oust him for soliciting, he argues that he’s not technically selling anything, and they can’t get anywhere unless they have the right charges on him.

Valencindri is this team’s token idiot and steals the toilet paper out of the men’s room, holding it up in triumph and screaming about how awesome it was that he got away with the (free) toilet paper without having to pay for it (it’s still free)!

Dr. Hope Lessness is a mad-scientist supervillain and sadist with cybernetic augmentations. She at first just starts breaking things at random to cause mayhem and monger fear, but then she hits the electronics section and gets distracted trying to wire together an iPod with a Fitbit and hook them to a drone mechanism that is somehow also a weapon. Her snarky robot companion, Mercy Lessness, makes several cracks about her attention span that she doesn’t dignify.

Orianelle is a biker witch swordswoman who likes to dress in leather shorts and tanks. She heads to the automotive section to pick up supplies to maintain her bike, but then some jerk dudebro makes a pass at her and she suplexes him into the nearest shelf, which causes an outcry. This somehow tuns into a mass brawl with Orianelle knocking ten men unconscious.

EDIT: I forgot Siersyrei on the first go. She’s a werewolf, but the joke is she’s more like a “were-human” because she defaults to acting wolflike even when in human form and refers to herself in the third person. So she’s over here literally eating dog food and looking for any sudden motions indicating prey she can hunt until Lirian shows up with a laser pointer to drive her insane.

By the time security has dispersed enough to actually be a problem, Alivain hijacks the PA system to announce “I’m going to bomb the Wal-Mart,” which is his code word to let the others know that he’s going to bomb the Wal-Mart. Everyone evacuates, and he dramatically activates a bomb that reduces the store to a column of flames as he dances in the parking lot victoriously with his back to the carnage.

Also, Zangary probably bought the wrong thing, so now they have to find a new Wal-Mart and start all over.

[osmw1]

Dimension Wave   Chapter 34 — Limited Dimension Wave

“What’s with all the ruckus at this hour?”

Alto sleepily rubbed his eyes. Beside him stood Yamikage and Tsugumi, both of whom were asleep minutes ago as well. Yamikage had adjusted to living on the seas and has been sleeping properly too. Tsugumi was still half-asleep.

“The ship is being pulled along by something.” “Surely ‘tis but a wave.” “If it’s just a wave, then I don’t know why my Helmsmanship skill isn’t working at all.”

I was able to keep the ship from capsizing when the storm hit us, but I don’t know why it’s not doing anything now. Was it because I caught the Humongous Squid? That shouldn’t have anything to do with it. But if it is, then my fishing must’ve affected something. I mean, that doesn’t really make sense though. We should’ve only been jostled around a little by the drag of the squid. Maybe we simply triggered a flag for the Sea of No Return… but that would be awfully optimistic thinking.

“Be on gua—What?”

I turned around to see who tapped my shoulder. But there wasn’t anyone there. I mean, obviously not. Everybody on board is standing in front of me. To my right are Yamikage and Tsugumi. To my left are Alto and Sheryl. Ahead of me is Shouko. Who would be there to tap me on my shoulder?

“Kizuna, what if there were ghosts on the sea?” “Well, I’d expect you to be a little more scared…”

The lady standing right in front of me seemed as if she could see more than we could. I’m not scared enough to be shrieking out loud, but Shouko looked extremely serious considering the possibility of ghosts and stuff… Well, I know Dimension Wave is only a game, but I wish she would at least pretend to be scared. But someone else was.

“… phantom ships.” “S-S-Su-Surely you jest, miladies!” “Well, I s’pose ghost ships and pirate ships are nautical staples.”

Neither Sheryl nor Alto seemed surprised. It’s true that MMORPG’s usually have them as dungeons or events. Hell, it’d be more surprising if they didn’t show up on a nautical RPG. And why are you pissing your pants already, Yamikage?

“Yeah, you’re right… That would explain why the mist and the sudden chilliness too.”

Visibility had rapidly worsened. The fog, eerie and disturbing, was extremely well done on the developers’ part. Drowsy before, but Yamikage was now trembling. Was she that terrified?

“Hey, Yamikage. It’s a little clichéd, but would you let me scare you with a ‘boo!’?” “How! You would be such a knave!” “Figured you’d get mad.”

I don’t think my joke went over very well, but I also don’t think it made much of a difference that I warned her first.

“Thy mere suggestion has wrought me with fury!” “Fine… then how ‘bout you, Alto?” “No way, José! I’ve got the heebie-jeebies already!” “Heh, I never said I was actually gonna do it, but your guys’ reactions was amazing.”

It might’ve been more fun to push them, but the other three…

“Do tell why you are looking at me like that.” “… try me.” “You’re so oopy spoopy, big bro!”

Yikes. I don’t know what I expected out of my sister, but I really don’t want her to act all cutesy with me like that again.

“But in all seriousness, a ghost ship, huh? Sounds like it’ll be tough.” “Even during the day~!”

Well, the whole party’s leveled up a bit and even I’m at about half the Energy I used to have. I’ve also been using Transmutation to get some Energy out of the squid I fish up, but since the skill is only at rank I, it takes quite a bit of time to cast. Plus, since I get about 5-15 Energy per squid, that’s only about 700 Energy per hour. I’ll probably have to keep using the skill to level it up to II, but it’s yet to pop up even though I’ve been at it for a while now.

“I-I-Is that the ship, perchance?! Oh, but I am so frightened!” “What’s truly frightening is that you still haven’t acquired Night Vision.”

She probably sleeps through the night, but I’ve had it unlocked for so long already. More importantly, though, I looked over to the direction she was pointing. It was glowing in a ghostly white light, emitting a full body sense of dread. The realism of it all truly spoke to the beauty of VR.

The ghost ship was absolutely colossal. Our sailboat was only about 20 meters in length, but we were completely eclipsed in comparison. Sheryl explained that leisure watercraft over 25 feet (approximately 7.6 meters) are designated as cabin cruisers. But this was more like a yacht. It had the space for multiple living quarters and other facilities on board. It was probably, what, ten times bigger us and it had suddenly appeared in front of us. The sails were in tatters and its planks crumbling. If it weren’t for the mysterious white light that it’s emitting, you’d think this ghost ship is just some floating rotten junk. If this were a horror movie, there would be a theremin playing in the score right now.

“Yamikage.” “Gah!” “I… I just wanted to speak to you. No need to be shrieking or anything…”

And just for kicks, I turned to look at Alto and then gazed past his shoulders. He seemed out of it. Whatever it may be, their reactions are top notch. You’ve just gotta have at least one person in your squad like these two!

“I think I respect you a little less now, Kizuna.” “Whaaat? Just because there’s a ghost ship?” “But the look on your face!”

Haha! Oh, this guy. But I suppose there are more important matters at hand. Like the ghost ship.

“Like I was saying, let’s be on guard and prepare for combat. Something like this has gotta have enemies on board.” “Understood.” “‘kay.” “Mm-hmm!”

The three of them replied with confidence if not enthusiasm. The other two? Cowards. Especially that Yamikage. Get a grip! At least Alto’s got an excuse. He’s been busy trading up till now, so he might be a little underleveled. Yamikage, though, has the strongest stats out of all of us. With her Drain, her numbers are better than even Shouko. But, I mean, if she’s simply afraid of ghosts and spirits, then there’s nothing you can really do about it.

“If you two are that bad with ghosts and stuff, you wanna stay behind?” “… Stay behind? Here?” “Yeah.” “I shall follow you till the ends of the Earth!” “I mean, it’s probably safer if you stay here and wait for us.” “Hell to the no! It’s a billion times scarier to be here alone!” “I guess? I grew up watching a lot of this stuff, so I guess I’m used to it.”

My sisters and I used to always rent horror flicks and watch them together. There’s even new VR horrors where you watch in first-person. I’m not crazy about the genre as a whole though. But enough contemplating. Let’s charge on board.

Vrrt!

There was a crackling noise. It was a noise I’ve heard merely two weeks ago. It’s here… With a bright flash of light, time and space warped—

—Limited Dimension Wave.

Kizuna†Exceed (Captain)

Hakoniwa Shouko (Vice Captain)

Yamikage

Sheryl

Tsugumi†Exceed

Altorese

A menu popped up with a list of our names. Once past the blinding light, it looked like the dungeon was located below deck. There was no information on the minimap except for each of our locations. Everything else was pitch black. It’s probably one of those hidden dungeons that pop up in games all the time.

“Limited Dimension Wave?”

I muttered aloud to myself, but everyone else was similarly confused by what it meant. Shouko had already readied her weapon. It’s like she’s some sort of disciplined soldier, ready to engage in combat at the drop of the hat. Sheryl was simply looking around with her usual blank expression. Tsugumi had her battle scythe wielded in both hands. Her lower body trembled while her animal ears twitched agitatedly. Alto seemed out of it, just as before. And then there’s…

“Eeeeeeeeek! No, it’s too scary! Help meee!”

There was about one person who was almost repulsively afraid. But wait. Where did that verbal tic of her go? She’s actually that terrified? I mean, she was scared before, but… I don’t know, I feel bad for putting her through this now.

“Yamikage, it’s alright!” “… Kiz!” “… Who?” “… Miss Kizuna.”

I have so much to say about her correcting herself, but I can save that for later. I’m not about to ask her what she thinks about me though. But Yamikage. Just what is she? I’m sure if I got to know her, I’d understand her more and guess to how she is as a person. Not her character, but rather the actual player behind the ninja. I mean, of course, it’d be rude for me to pry. In online games like this, you never know who’s comfortable sharing what with whom. This is all just theory, but in my mind, Shouko is from old money, Sheryl… I’m not so sure about, Tsugumi is obvious, and Alto is probably… a little older. You know what they say about books and covers though.

“Chill, Yamikage. We’re in a game. Even if there were ghosts, it’s all just a game.” “… I understand, milady.”

From below her, I looked up straight into her eyes… And seemingly calmer now, she nodded in agreement. Alright, with her out of the way, I had to get a handle on the situation. I just had to pay no mind to Dark Shadow holding on to my sleeve.

“So, what’s does ‘limited’ mean?” “… With restrictions.” “I mean, if we look at it literally, then I suppose it’s a restricted Dimension Wave?” “I believe it to mean that it is limited to the current party listed in the information screen.” “Ooh, that makes sense…”

This was something I’ve seen more than once in MMO’s. It’s not dissimilar to instance dungeons and party quests. Tsugumi had played one that was all about co-op with your party members. It’s a total cliché, but I’ll bet that we’ll have to clear this dungeon and then defeat a boss. We’ll get quest rewards and boss drops at the end too. And we’re probably limited to doing this once a day or once a week or something. I get it now. That’s probably why it’s limited.

“Alrighty. No point to standing around like this. Shall we?”

contents: /prologue/ /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /ch014/ /ch015/ /ch016/ /ch017/ /ch018/ /ch019/ /ch020/ /ch021/ /ch022/ /ch023/ /ch024/ /ch025/ /ch026/ /ch027/ /ch028/ /ch029/ /ch030/ /ch031/ /ch032/ /ch033/ /ch034/ /next/

(leave me a tip on Patreon?)

[wirewitchviolet]

RPG Campaign Setting Thoughts - The Actual, You Know, Setting

Continuing along from here and here, I suppose I should take a moment and get my head out of the clouds with all this structure of the planes and metaphysics malarkey and put down a few words about, you know, the actual world people are going to be going on adventures in... but I don’t wanna!

I’m actually kinda serious with that. I’m still not sure to what degree this whole thing is something I’m really going to sit down and do something with vs. a total pipe dream vs. just some general thoughts on what changes I’d push towards if in a relevant position at a big company and all, but one really big issue I’d want to seriously address if I end up actually publishing anything here is the fact that everything about fantasy RPGs is entirely too white, and unfortunately, I myself am also entirely too white.

As previously mentioned, I 100% want to have orcs coded really heavily as colonialist European types as a major setting antagonist, to push back against decades of appallingly racist coding, and by extension I’d like to have humans who are visually and culturally representative of, you know, the rest of humanity. Some having to deal with orcs raiding and planting their flags everywhere, others totally not dealing with that and having their own much more interesting things going on. Get away from the stock imagery of castles and knights in a barely repainted England, get some cool stuff inspired the rest of the world in there as some basic imagery and all.

And... yeah I’m just not really qualified to do that. More importantly though, I know a ton of people who ARE, and they’re all super cool, and don’t get enough chances to do this sort of world-building. I don’t want to make my ignorant stab at a setting heavily informed by Indian history and folklore when I know someone who’s both an experienced game developer and a Hindu Pandit. I don’t want to play around with fantasy-Jerusalem when thinking about that is basically the life’s work of one of my favorite people in the world. I could keep going with this. I have a lot of really amazing contacts I would absolutely love to just give blank checks to to collaborate on a campaign setting full of all their personal passions and drawing on their heavy historical and cultural knowledge bases.

But... I’m also unemployed, barely able to keep a roof over my head, and fully aware how generally doomed any sort of project like this is and I doubt most of the people I’d be inclined to tap would want to commit to something like this even if I could pay them what they’re worth. Really, I’m the worst person to try to put together some sort of cool overqualified world-building all-stars team and make a setting together, and if someone else wants to take the initiative on that I am all for it, but, if they are nobody’s telling me. So... for now I’d just kinda like to keep the details really sketchy about specific nations and all that and stay focused on my weird non-culturally specific fantasy weirdness. Keep the real meat and potatos stuff in the dark until I get committed enough to kickstart a book and try to sign on cool writer friends as stretch goals or something.

Races for instance! I think I’ve mentioned before how much I just don’t like them, and I’m used to not really caing about them having done a lot of Pathfinder writing, but like Pathfinder, I kinda want to keep all this as backwards compatible with Pathfinder and 3.X as I can, which means I don’t want to drop them entirely, and I already have orcs. So... OK.What can I do with everything else that’s not just borrowing some real-world culture?

First off, we have dwarves. I.... really don’t particularly have any strong feelings about dwarves. The one big problem coming in the unfortunateness of “dwarf” referring to, among other things, the fantasy race, something a bit different in Norse mythology, and actual human beings with a rare condition that leads to a lot of discrimination. I’ve yet to meet anyone who actually has a vocal problem with that, so, please give me feedback there if you have any. Otherwise... I think dwarves kinda fall under “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?” Dwarves are exactly the same in every game that has dwarves. Nobody’s had cause to put a new spin on them, which over the years has made them into this really big fantasy touchstone. Something to be said for that stability.

Next up we have elves... and OK, here’s my spin. Elves actually mature and age at the same rate as humans, BUT, every 30-70 years or so, they... basically have a Doctor Who regeneration. Big metamorphising event, they end up with a radically altered appearance, possibly some significant changes to their personality, possibly some memory loss. We keep the staple of elves being functionally immortal, and the sort of physical mutability present through the whole history of fantasy RPGs to one degree or another, but we get a nice out for the whole Immortal Blues issue you usually get with elves, where they outlive everyone they meet. If you’re a teenage elf, you can go hang out with a bunch of teenage humans, grow up together, have a lot of adventures, and then when everyone else is getting old and dying and it’s just depressing, you do your whole elven ritual of renewal thing, and tada. You’re young again, maybe a redhead this time out, maybe a different gender even. All that kinda fades from immediacy, like your old life is just a story you’ve heard a lot, and you’re free to go make new connections with new peers. I think there’s a lot to that as a foundation for cultural stuff, and an interesting setup for telling stories. Needs to be a proper racial power of course, with some restriction on how often it can be done, but hey. This also keeps them from becoming stuffy traditionalists with ancient cities. On a long enough timescale they’re kind of all nomadic drifters.

Half-Elves, which again, are their own race here, probably get a weakened version of that. Maybe they change a little less when they try that renewal ritual. Maybe it doesn’t always work, or it’s really unpredictable. Definitely they have a cap on how often they can do it, so you still have the long-lived but mortal thing going.

Half-Orcs... I need to think about some. The whole “they’re their own race” thing gets all the gross rape crap sweeped nicely away, but they still have to resemble orcs enough to face discrimination to a degree, since, that’s what you have half-orcs for. I might break my rule about no real world cultural models and have them largely stand in for vikings? There’s enough similarity to how I’m doing orcs for confusion’s sake (nautical raiders and explorers and all), an association with violence and generally being all big and tough, but pretty clear We’re Not With Them vibes?

Halflings, I am sticking with my earlier pitch about essentially being humans just created at a different scale. Honestly I’ve always kinda resented D&D even having them, because I mean, everything else has some basis in someone’s folklore, but halflings are just a race swiped directly out of a book series that was super popular at the time, then forced to change the name for copyright reasons. And they clearly just exist to make Bilbo expies, with the stealth bonuses and all. I would totally give them the boot if I could get away with it, but, yeah, tiny humans essentially.

That still leaves gnomes, where I’m still stymied. Again, I really love Pathfinder’s take on them to death, and kinda just want to keep that.

I think that’s a decent spread of new ideas and old ideas that won’t clash with properly varied human culture, right? Next update I’m probably going back to gods and magic. Have some very very nerdy thoughts about the spread of religion based on bored wizards working out astral projection to flesh out.

As always, feedback on any of this is appreciated.