twistednuns

[twistednuns]

January 2025

My New Year's kiss. It's lovely to have somebody around I can kiss whenever I want. Listening to a weird Siberian song at midnight. It's been stuck in our heads for days now.

Going on a long walk on the first day of the year. Findus the cat kept following us. Frozen ponds with interesting air bubbles and plant patterns. Ice crystals on every twig and leaf of grass. Crunchy steps. Breaking the ice. Literally.

Cuddling with Mara. Reading a book together in bed. Making her a cute ponytail.

Starting the year with a health food challenge. No sugar, no flour, low carb. And I don't even have to do it alone which helps a lot!

Eating big bowls of salad with delicious dill dressing.

Watching The Substance - Body Horror at its best.

A fun way to think about relationship dynamics.

Slow days playing board games, watching animal documentaries, coming up with tasty low carb recipes, painting and drawing together, doing housework. Simply existing together in this little domestic bubble.

Solo cuddle time with Findus. Sinking my face into his belly fur.

Greek yoghurt with milk and fruit for breakfast. Almost tastes like ice-cream.

Lazy TV massages. / Another amazing massage from Ploy.

Spooking a few deer on our snowy forest stroll.

Watching birds trying to fly in heavy wind.

Tinned mushrooms as a low calorie snack.

Long, trippy dreams.

Nightly painting sessions listening to the Cosmic Matrix podcast.

Petting, scratching, cuddling Thea. Such a gentle little black cat. She was really into it that evening.

Bringing two whole containers worth of snacks on the train. Eggs, olives, cheese, veggies, apples.

Two nights at a hotel in Würzburg. The crisp white sheets.

Mushroom burgers and a cute art store.

Playing the piano with Georg.

Standing at a laptop in the living room at Claude's party. Adding songs from 20 years ago to the queue. Singing along to Such Great Heights by The Postal Service. C. remarked what a beautiful song it is. I feel down a 2000s Indie Rock rabbit hole and made a whole playlist on Spotify. How great is Staring at the Sun by TV on the Radio?!

Ripping apart my sudoku book because I was too obsessed.

Buying a bunch of Sennelier soft pastels and pastel crayons at Gerstaecker. Getting new paper, too.

Discovering Agnes Lawrence Pelton's art and the Transcendental Painting Group. I ordered a gorgeous book about the painters but it's not available yet. I'll have to wait up to three months for it to arrive...

Those little moments when I feel seen. Appreciated. Cared for. When C. commented on the amazing smell of my lavender marjoram hand cream and wanted to try some. When he noticed that my lipstick didn't really match the colour of my shirt. And when he ran my finger over a little naked patch of skin on my love handle and said he'd discovered a nice spot. When he carried my backpack because my shoulder hurt. Checked if I was keeping up when we were running for the train. And he already thought about ways to check in at the hotel without my involvement because he knows I hate that. And he added a song I played to his favourites. And kissed me at the bookstore because apparently I looked very intellectual which made me even more attractive.

Signing up for the info event at the art academy. Thinking about applying for visual arts, too.

Cutting train rides very short by sleeping most of the way.

Meeting Franzi and Marie! A cozy evening with a crazy cat, Indian food and easy conversation. I love it when people just get each other and still feel super close and familiar even though you don't see them very often.

Getting to know Anja. Being weird together. Coffee walks in the morning. Watching rom-coms in bed, singing along to Britney Spears songs.

The warm shower of compliments at the end of my Gestalt therapy training. I learned that what people admire about me is my humor, authenticity, intelligence, strength, wisdom, creativity, my voice. I know who I am. And many said they wish I could be a little more calm, relaxed and self-assured. Focus more. Tone down the drama and the fireworks and let my fragile, soft essence shine through as well.

Squeezing fresh lime over veggie curry. It adds so much flavor!

Peeling off the whole face mask in one piece.

Little signs along the way. The same drawing I'd made the day before on a house in a village I was driving through. Angel numbers. 222 everywhere.

Such a cozy and crazy last evening with C. We played a sexy card game and ended up roleplaying (I was a massage therapist in a senior home). Then I was reading from his 2009 US roadtrip diary while he showed my some photos from back then. It was so interesting to see that some things haven't changed: he's still passionate about music and DJing and still has interesting (business) ideas and conversation topics.

Dota - Für die Sterne / "Ich bin nicht hier um mich zu bemühn, ich bin hier um zu blühn."

A very active Friday. My first Nordic Walking unit (I meowed at a cat and it immediately came to me to be petted!), the first time in the gym for a while. And a yoga class. Felt surprisingly good.

Meeting a bunch of new people at the clinic. Feeling much more secure and open. This time it only took one day to fully arrive.

Music night with clarinet and guitar. Singing harmonies with Sebastian! Compliments for my voice.

Coffee and cheese as a treat.

Hot pink loafers. Soft and comfy.

Blooming tulips.

The joy I feel when I spot an animal somewhere.

People opening up to me. It's nice to see that they feel safe with me and value my observations and input.

Sending lots of letters and postcards.

The Diva Dance scene in the movie The Fifth Element.

Painting something I hated at first but loved in the end.

Another go at art therapy. I have a good feeling about the therapist!

Lena talking to me about all her creative endeavors. Breaking the ice.

Being helpful for others. Mirroring them, explaining, offering resonance.

Talking to W. about my way out. Which is: taking on a tapas. Self-accountability. Being honest and calm. Using my time with him to stop functioning so I can observe myself and heal.

A 45min walk despite the wet snow and cold wind. Feeling my body tingle and warm up afterwards. Also: when I came back I found a collection of old rusty puzzle cubes on an electrical box.

Caressing the bony part over my ankles.

Floor heating.

Watching the cranes flying over the lake illuminated by the warm light of sunrise.

Unlike mammals, birds breathe through con­tin­uous one-directional flow of air through the res­pi­ra­tory system. We take air in and breathe it out, sort of like the tide moves in and out of a bay. As a result, our breathing system is said to be tidal. Avians have a non-tidal res­pi­ra­tory system, with air flowing more like a running stream. (I didn't know!)

A beautiful sound bath with lots of crystal singing bowls and tuning forks that made my brain tickle.

A feast of damn fine veggies with tofu and nougat-filled dumplings. Celebrating every bite. Allowing myself to eat.

Boxing training. I loved the activation, aggression, using my whole body and strength. The psychological effects of having a partner (or opponent). But my whole body hurt the next day.

A few lines towards the end of Marianne Eloise's book obsessive intrusive magical thinking made me feel seen. A little mentally ill, too. But they made me think of my exiles. The parts of me I abandoned. And how I used to be as a child.

Painting an unexpected family portrait.

Starting to read a book about... soul travel. Trippy and fascinating.

A long, heartfelt message from Becky. And a thoughtful gift from my Gospel Choir: a sketchbook, a set of pencils, a novel (with the number 22 in the title!!) and some chocolates. I feel loved.

Dancing like nobody is watching. And even though I'd felt like shit all day it actually brought my energy back. And someone said the thought I had a really good feeling for my body and movements. And a lovely voice.

[twistednuns]

[twistednuns]

A temple caretaker watching a volcano eruption in Bali [s]

[twistednuns]

Agnes Lawrence Pelton - Fire Sounds (1930)

[twistednuns]

i need to live inside of an agnes lawrence pelton painting

[twistednuns]

[twistednuns]

[twistednuns]

Feelyliving

[twistednuns]

December 2024

Massage night. Sri knows all the good spots.

Singing mantras together. Improvising. Lyra's and Sofia's beautiful voices. Waking up with new songs stuck in my head.

Ginger lemon tea. Roasted pumpkin seeds. Purple risotto with lemon zest and parmesan.

Lots of talks and practice therapy sessions confirming what I need most now: a clear goal. A direction. Priorities. Inner leadership - filling the vacant role of a director for my very own play. Lovingly guiding my own parts through tough times, emphasizing what I want and why.

Learning about the difference between needs and strategies.

Driving home with Ems; good conversation.

Coming home, talking with C. all night long, forgetting about time and space.

Writing short lists with little things that bring us joy for each other. Guessing correctly. Realizing that we know each other very well already.

Painting and drawing together, all three of us. Listening to old Christmas classics.

Hiding candy in our boots on 6 December. Leaving a trail of chocolate Santas to L.'s room.

Going to the city centre twice, spending time with C.'s friends. Seeing a play with the kids with the cutest little girl on Earth on my lap.

Mutual understanding, loving touch and massages, playfulness, matching each other's vibe (doing weird voices or silly dance moves), developing ideas for a novel together, coaching C. through work problems.

Solving the advent calendar puzzles together; working on my Christmas jigsaw puzzle. Also, I found a whole page with sudokus, crossword puzzles and other games in the trash and spent an hour happily working on every single one.

Motivating Findus the cat to come down from the tree. Seeing him surfing down from the bench with the boxes that are stored there.

Painting L.'s face with glitter stars and bats.

Cuddling. Letting AI come up with interactive bedtime stories. Telling L. about the Land of Milk and Honey where everything is made of candy. Sending him on a fantasy journey of a special Christmas Eve to help him fall asleep.

Making breakfast. Telling each other about our dreams. Singing together.

Baking cookies with L. Decorating them together with lots of chocolate and sugar confetti.

Honest appreciation for my cooking.

C. told me how hard it is to see me wasting my time, avoiding what has to be done. And sent me on a mission to visit a nearby school. I actually went inside and spontaneously talked to one of the people responsible for new hires! I'm going back there next week for a proper job interview.

Drawing a full image on coloured paper, switching up styles; being inspired by C.'s sediment drawings.

“You’ve got a freak flag, you just don’t fly it.” - one of my favourite lines of the annual trashy Christmas movie marathon.

A surprisingly nice day with my oldest friends. Lots of joking, real talk, card games, delicious food and a long walk.

Talking about Motivational Interviewing with Lena in the car.

Starting to make my vision board for 2025. Working until 3am.

Hugging my blanket. Breathing in fresh laundry smell.

A cute little video message from L.

Wearing an old pair of super comfy jeans.

Baking a very elaborate cake for C.'s birthday. One slice and you don't need any more food for days.

Giving him one of my paintings as a birthday gift. He really liked it when he saw me painting it in France and already asked if he could have it back then.

Roasted hazelnuts in toasted bread.

Making plans. Oh, the dopamine I get from envisioning my perfect life.

Falling asleep with my hand on C.'s chest underneath his soft and warm baby alpaca sweater.

Joking around with C. Being ourselves. Silly, childish, authentic. Emotional warmth.

Scratchy massage therapy for the three cats (who kept coming back for more).

Spending a few hours at the free school nearby. Learning about their concept. Meeting a few students, singing together. It was weird, but perhaps not in a bad way?

Braeburn apples.

A Friendzone meet-up in Kempten.

Spending time with Margit (playing Dorfromantik), Manu (filming our annual Fairytale of New York karaoke video), Rafael, Helga and Marlies. Getting a few books with my birthday gift voucher at Munich Readery, then coffee with Lena.

Attending my choir's Christmas concert with C. and L.

Our Christmas holiday roadtrip. Spending Christmas Day with Lian's grandparents. Picking up Tobi, visiting Tommy and Saskia (such a cozy house; eating sweets all day long, smoking, watching TV, marvelling at Tommy's sneaker collection); then we went to Roßdorf together to visit more friends and we played board games, had delicious food, and I drew and painted with Frida and Selma. Martina also taught me a lot about the Waldorf education system. On our way home, we also stopped at Georg and Claude's place, had a salad bowl in Fürth and went grocery shopping - and even found a huge board game box at the supermarket!

BBC Earth Asia documentaries.

New Year's Eve with a bunch of kids, White Russians, salad buffet, campfire and music.

[twistednuns]

A visual explanation of why stars fall on Earth. Details of The Augsburg Book of Miracles, an illuminated manuscript made in Augsburg in Germany in the 16th century, anonymous author-ess.

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Look at those trees!!

'The Fairy Procession' (Thorn Rose) by Errol Le Cain, 1977.

[twistednuns]

November 2024

A vision of my inner child cuddling up to a giant purring red cat.

Producing tiny soap bubbles with my shower gel bottle.

Learning about Inner Family Systems.

Seeing a huge black cat out in the field. I was so happy to see it!

Spending some time in a toy store and a stationery store, picking out games, postcards and glitter pens.

That loud, confident and eloquent little girl at the drugstore who was bossing around her mum with a cup of water in her hand.

Mustering up enough motivation to go to the gym! And it was fun! I listened to music and bounced around on a gymnastics ball.

Talking to Susanne about her time at Advaita ashrams, Vipassana centers and Buddhist retreats. Her insights, how she met Thich Nhat Hanh and became a Zen chef. I loved her story about going to the US to find her teacher who was nowhere to be found. After returning home and quitting her job he showed up in the bookstore she was working in on her last day there. And he invited her to become his assistant.

Giving my car to Judith for a day felt good - more specifically selfless and trusting.

Spending a day with C. and L. Cuddling, kisses, playing games in the pool. L. was very affectionate that day.

C. giving me feedback about my therapist voice. And offering to take my car home to change its tires!

Reading about the difference between your ego/fear voice and your intuitive voice.

A cat-themed Monday: dreaming of baby kittens, then receiving a message about the food and vet bills for our farm cats and finally a red-and white cat walking straight towards me, happy to connect.

Drawing myself with my left hand and then again with my right hand. Interpreting the pictures.

A nightly walk through the fog. A shooting star right ahead of me!

Learning new things. Stick fighting. Dance therapy. Qi Gong.

Working with clay and especially soft pastels. I love blending the pigment with my fingers.

Pretending to open elevator doors through magic by moving my hands along the sliding doors.

Seeing myself through other people's eyes. Positive feedback and reactions. Actually helping others a little with my advice and insights.

More neighborhood cats willing to make contact.

Being described as a clematis (if I were a plant). A resilient climbing plant with beautiful blossoms feels like a compliment.

Nougat-filled curd dumplings for dessert.

Spending a whole evening in bed with C. Refilling my emotional batteries with cuddles, kisses and warmth.

Painting the night sky with shadow-like forest animals running along the Milky Way. / A vision of my mum coming out of the lake, emanating a white light. Trying to draw the scene with soft pastels in the greenhouse.

Seeing a large group of children walking through the night with their lanterns. What a lovely atmosphere. It brings back childhood memories.

Puzzle and game nights with my favourite co-patients. One evening, Jörg came in when I was the only one left at the table. He couldn't sleep. We connected and he told me stories about his work as a radiologist and his travels on cruise ship. He is so much warmer than he seems! I even dreamed something related to what he said.

Watching a very round robin in the park.

Picking up the phone right the second my boyfriend called even though it was on silent mode.

Meeting a crazy cat at night. It climbed a tree right in front of me and was too scared to come down for a long while.

Working with a transpersonal psychologist. I'm very impressed by her.

Lying under a skylight, watching the clouds pass by.

Writing with a pen that faintly smells of bitter almond.

Playing Ligretto with Susanne.

A long talk with R.R. She gifted me quite a bit of her time and patched me up emotionally. I felt seen. What an impressive woman.

On my way home to Munich I saw two horses kissing on the side of the road. At least that's what it looked like.

Spending time with C. and L. Opening Advent calendar doors early. Solving riddles. Painting and drawing together. Playing card games. Cuddling. Taking care of the cats.

I got flowers from my two guys. Just because they like me so much.

Waking up next to C. in a warm and cosy blanket. Smelling him, feeling him, touching his back, massaging him a little. Receiving happy little grunts in return.

My new set of 72 soft pastels. Making creepy art. Looking at surrealist paintings with C. Coming up with ideas for paintings when I can't sleep at night.

My newfound passion for jigsaw puzzles. I got a Kandinsky puzzle. And a puzzle Advent calendar. All in. I'm getting older and even quirkier.

Compliments for my cooking.

Scratching my back with the tag of my bathrobe after a shower.

Sharing a tiny cup of Bailey's liquor one night before going to bed.

Wearing soft, warm cashmere socks in my boots on a cold evening.

Letting creamy vanilla pudding drip onto my lips, into my mouth, from above while lying in bed. Luxurious and sensual.

Getting immersed in a fantasy book again.

[twistednuns]

[twistednuns]

“You’ve got a freak flag, you just don’t fly it.”

[twistednuns]

October 2024

Kissing.

Meeting Sri in Würzburg. A calm train ride and ancient trams. Working in harmony. Learning. Accepting that our exercises won't be perfect but they'll be good enough.

Reading so much. I just finished Alice Hoffman's Practical Magic series.

C. went to the bakery to buy dessert and asked me what I was in the mood for (creamy and fruity). No special occasion. Such a treat.

Visiting the garden exhibition with Tine. Overseeing Lian's playground time, giving him little challenges. Walking back after sunset with a cup of warm Chai Masala in my hands. Staged photographs.

Feeling very patient and calm. Taking the time to explain something thoroughly, playing a 4 hour board game; enough energy to manage my emotions and even go grocery shopping.

Heart-shaped pink Begonia blossoms.

Marjolien and Tobi visiting us for dinner. I made a yummy pasta bake. And pumpkin quiche the next day.

Quality time with Findus, the cutest of the cuties. He's so gentle and playful.

Fast-acting nasal spray.

My cozy, autumnal mood. The light just after dawn - foggy and high-contrast. Taking an additional soft blanket to bed. Pumpkin Spice porridge with apple slices.

Realising that I need stillness to get in touch with what I need and come back to myself. I even drew two matching OSHO Zen cards: Patience and Success.

A full day of consistent energy.

I went to Schauburg theatre with Becky to see Die kleine Hexe and loved the play. The witches' costumes, dances and the eerie music were perfect and the guy who spoke everyone's lines was so funny. And time with Becky is always so nice. She really is one of the best friends I have.

Support from a few people in my Gestalt therapy group after I shared the news about my current situation. Talking to Markus who's been through the same shit as me. Feeling hopeful.

A blind intuitive touch exercise with Friederike. I felt very comfortable with her, especially when she put pressure on me and held me.

I found a postcard with a beautiful text from a local Gestalt therapist: Lass es sein.

A moment when I realised that my was body annoying me - which meant that I was actually IN my body at the time! And it was so much easier to be present and look at people!

More self-diagnosis: I'm a Highly Sensitive Person and a High Sensation Seeker, possible also highly intelligent. Which explains my contradictory nature. I need to rest AND I'm easily bored. Understimulation is just as stressful to me as overstimulation. Which probably means that what I've experienced at work is a qualitative bore-out, not a burn-out. I need more excitement and challenges in my life! I want to learn and apply my creativity. I want to stop all the hesitation and avoidance to find the courage to create the circumstances I need to thrive!

I took the same road to my seminar on Saturday and Sunday and on both days a kitty was waiting in the same spot. It talked to me and allowed me to pet it. A blessing for the day!

Doing improv comedy. I completely over-acted like the little drama queen that I am and made people laugh. I was surprised by how much fun I had!

Noticing that my jungly, artsy apartment is so me. I feel quite at home here.

Roasted cauliflower with lemon, garlic mayo and feta. A clementine and a crisp apple with tahini for dessert.

Writing a letter about fall vibes, sending witchy novels to a friend.

Going to the supermarket for some fruit and milk just to find my favorite snack of all time on the shelf: Smash. Highly addictive. So tasty.

Painting at C.'s kitchen table while waiting for him. Listening to podcasts. Switching to illustration when abstract painting felt a little frustrating.

The moment when all that talk about problems and negativity switched to playfulness and we started laughing, teasing each other, interacting freely and joyfully.

Cuddles from Andrea after a boring choir meeting.

All the yellow flowers I keep seeing at the moment. Whole fields of late-blooming canola and sunflowers.

Revisiting an old favourite after lunch with Frank at Café Beethoven: hot chocolate with whipped cream and sea salt.

An extra blanket in bed.

Journalling.

Crisp, tart apples.

Fall colours. Leaves in all shades of yellow, orange and red. Muted greens and browns.

Driving towards the bright full moon illuminating my path.

Double trouble with the kitten bois trying to "help" me with the laundry.

A weekend with Christian and his housemates. Cooking together, long walks in the mountains and along a lake, playing games and getting to know each other a little better. Feeling really happy even though it wasn't always easy. Perhaps living in community really has its benefits.

Consoling C.'s son, making him laugh.

Squeezing into a small hostel bed together. Occasional touches, smiles and winks.

Austrian supermarkets.

C. remembered my story about chest pockets and surprised me with a little heart doodle in his shirt pocket. He also left a lovely note for me on his kitchen table in the morning.

Feeling euphoric. Loved. Cared for. When he massaged me. Told me to take it slow. Pinched me. Kissed me. I told him it was the best sex I'd ever had and meant it.

Walking through the forest looking for mushrooms. Stepping on huge puffballs, also finding several edible ones. Spooking a few kittens. The late afternoon light coming in through the trees. Eye contact with a horse.

All three kitten bois asking for attention at the same time.

Hugging my Gestalt therapist.

Stumbling upon Wood Soup Girl's ASMR videos.

Snake-like movements in yoga class. So good for my spine.

Celia reaching out to me with her vision of a collaboration. I have so many thoughts about community, working with purpose, helping yourself and others. Is this the time to start something big?

Painting on a stone. Just because.

Making coconut sticky rice with frozen mango cubes.

A relaxed vision after yoga class: imagining spending some time with my mum in the forest. Hugging, feeling and smelling each other. Encouragement and smiles. Wrapping our arms around a tree.

Talking to Miri and Lucie about late career changes, crisis, and accepting help.

Waking up with the impulse to do weight training. So I did. I even practiced with my FeetUp trainer and went for a long walk through the forest. An old man greeted me and made me smile. A magic moment: I thought about a cat I'd sometimes met on the street I was on and right that second a beautiful red cat came out of a driveway. Kitty manifestation.

Coming home. Taking a shower. Lying down. Feeling the warm, soft blankets. Relaxing.

Hanging out at Frank's place like in the good old times with Fabi, Marie and Christian.

Planting 22 fruit trees with Christian's neighbors and two cats. It was hard work I'm not used to but I had fun nevertheless!

Doing breathwork together. We both had a beautiful journey! I drew a mandala card before and after: gratitude - follow your bliss.

Enjoying each other's presence. Cuddles, fantasies, fun, lots of healing touch. Our last weekend together before my month in the clinic. At one point he picked me up from the bathroom door singing Heal the World, dragging me along into a little dance.

Meeting beautiful Celia. Walking over to Westpark together. Talking about our lessons, difficulties, visions. Making plans. Mercury in Gemini team!

A little test from the Universe demonstrating that I'm not as well as I thought I was. One little problem and I'm nervous, afraid, helpless. However, I managed the crisis and was rewarded with a graceful solution.

Doodling faces. Using my sketchbook. It felt nice.

Smelling the cat's earthy toe beans. Cute aggression is real.

Holding hands with L. when he came into our bed in the morning. Getting up with him. Starting to build a marble run out of cardboard.

My huge room at the clinic. The fantastic food. Good company.

Showing my vulnerability openly by asking for help with something as simple as the candy in my mini bar.

Realizing that other people don't perceive me as awkward and incompetent. Quite the opposite actually. It's all in my head.

[twistednuns]

Sandra Bullock as Sally Owens in PRACTICAL MAGIC.