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unrestedjade · 4 years ago

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Baseless Ferengi headcanons no one asked for and that get increasingly queer-navel-gazing and self indulgent because the horrible space goblins have consumed my brain:

- Mobile ears, because if hearing is so well developed and important to them they should be able to aim those big stupid radar dishes. Also because then they can emote with them and that's cute. THE AESTHETIC IS PARAMOUNT.

- Since they canonically sharpen their teeth with chew sticks and sharpeners, their teeth must grow continuously. So I submit: subcultures that let certain teeth grow out as a fashion/political statement. Ferengi punks and anarchists with 5" tusks. Ferengi with all their teeth filed flat (mom and dad HATE it).

- Corollary to the above, most of their teeth are crooked. At the least, they don't share our fetish for straight teeth. What if their teeth are deciduous, and there's no point in trying to force them into perfect alignment, since they'll just fall out and get replaced? So like, sharks but their teeth can also grow longer with no limit. WHAT HAST EVOLUTION WROUGHT ON FERENGINAR :V

- Parents nagging their kids to sharpen their teeth "or they'll grow up into your brain and you'll die :)"

- Personal space? Don't know her.

Okay I need a cut because there's too many now. WHOLE SOCIETY OF GAY HOMOPHOBIC UNCLES AND AUNTS GO I HAVE A PROBLEM

- I can't remember who on here put forth the idea of them having retractable claws but Yes. :3

- Pushing back against the worst canon episode a bit but: relative ear size being the only obvious sexually dimorphic trait, and even that having enough of a gray area that the only way to be 100% sure you're talking to a male or female Ferengi is if you do a blood test. Unless they're intersex! *shrug emoji*

- This is why they're so fanatical about gender conformity and their Victorian "separate spheres" attitude to men and women's roles. Capitalist patriarchy is fragile! And as artificial to Ferengi as it ever was to Humans! (self-indulgenceeeee about gender shiiiiit)

- You know how with domesticated rabbits, the rabbit getting groomed and paid attention to is the boss? Yeah. Go ahead and paint your bestie's nails, just don't be surprised if she cops a little bit of an attitude with you from then on.

- Their fight/flight/freeze/fawn instincts skew heavily toward the last three, and what a lot of other species read as annoying sucking up is the Ferengi in question feeling anxious and unsafe. Especially if they don't feel integrated into the group. Even being at the bottom of the pecking order is better than not being in the flock at all.

- If they DO opt for fight, it's ugly and typically their last resort. Bites or scratches will get infected without intervention-- microbes that their immune system can handle could cause big trouble for aliens. You might wanna check for full or partial teeth that break off and get lodged in the wound, too.

- Too many of these are tooth related but I don't care. :B More teeth stuff: you know what else has teeth that grow constantly? Puffer fish. Likewise, Ferengi can chew up mollusk shells as easy as potato chips, and they need the minerals for their teeth. (Imagine grandpa Sisko offering Nog a crayfish for the first time and watching as he just...pops the whole damn thing in his mouth and crunches away...)

- Their staple foods seem to be grubs and other arthropods, high in protein and fat. I've unilaterally decided their cuisine also involves a lot of edible fungi, ferns, plant shoots and seeds. Gotta get those vitamins. Overall flavor profile leaning toward umami, vegetal, and fresh herbs, and pretty mild (or "delicate" if you wanna be snooty about it, which a Ferengi probably would let's be real).

- Not much sugary food. I'm basing this solely on Quark's aversion to root beer as "cloying". Which could definitely just be his personal preference, but most of the people I hear hating on root beer cite the actual sassafras/sarsaparilla flavor (saying it tastes like medicine) not the sweetness. Nog might be the weirdo outlier for being able to enjoy it.

- Their home planet isn't bright and sunny, so their eyes are better at discerning shades of gray in low light conditions, with relatively weak color vision. Which could explain why they dress Like That.

- Conversely, human music has a reputation for stinking on ice because a lot of it is juuuuust lightly dissonant or out of tune because we can't pick up flaws that small. Ferengi can, and it drives them up the *wall*.

- Music? So many different kinds. Traditionally, maybe lots of percussion and winds, and water as a common component of many instruments to alter pitch or tone. Polyphony out the ass. Some of the modern stuff is an impenetrable wall of sound if you're not a species with a lot of brain real estate devoted to processing sounds. Pick out one melody to follow at a time.

- Yes, back to teeth again I'm sorry. It's a sickness. At some point in their history, pre-chewing food was just something you did for your baby or great grandma as a matter of necessity. Possibly your baby gets an important boost to their immune system and gut biome from your spit. At some point takes on a more formal intimacy aspect and gradually drifted from something all adults and older kids do to something only women do. Your husband and older kids have perfectly functional teeth, but you love them, right? =_= (Think old memes about husbands being useless in the kitchen if little wifey isn't there to cook, but even more ridiculous. Ishka was right about everything but especially this. Thank you for making your family chew their own food, Ishka. Not all heroes wear capes. Or anything!)

- How did they get started on the whole men: clothed vs women: unclothed nonsense? My equally stupid idea: men just get cold easier. Those huge ears dissipate a ton of body heat. Cue Ferengi cliches like "jeez, we could be standing on the surface of the sun and my husband would put on another layer." At some point, again, this got codified and pushed to ridiculous extremes in the name of controlling women and keeping everyone in their assigned box, to the point that women just have to shiver if they really are too cold and men have to pass out from heat stroke if the alternative is going shirtless, because That Would Be Inappropriate.

- Marriages default to five years, but they're also the only avenue for women to have their own household or any stability. Plus their religion places no emphasis on purity save for pure adherence to the free market and the RoA. So, curveball to the rest of their patriarchal bullshit: female virginity isn't a concern in the least. Bring it up and they'll rightly side-eye you.

- Family law is absolutely bonkers and lawyers that specialize in it make BANK. I feel like custody would default to the father usually but oh wait, the maternal grandfather has a legal stake in this, too, and your next father-in-law is asking HOW many kids are you dragging into my daughter's house, etc etc. Growing up with a full sibling is way rarer than growing up with half or stepsiblings, since it usually takes both men and women two or three tries to find someone they vibe with. (Not love, unless you're super cringe.)

- A misogynistic society is a homophobic society. Imo those flavors of shittiness just come in pairs. Homosexual behaviors are fine within certain parameters (aka "always have sex with the boss") but not on your own terms. To add spice, bisexuality is their most common mode (because I'm bi and these are my hcs for my fics I'm not writing, so there), but capitalism demands fresh grist for the mill so you better get het-married and pop out some kids you lowly peons. You have a choice so make the proper one. :)

- Corollary to the above, that doesn't keep all kinds of illicit "we're just friends with quid-pro-quo benefits for realsies" affairs of every stripe and every gender from going on everywhere. Many Ferengi have a lightbulb moment somewhere in early adulthood when they figure out their dad's business partner or the "auntie" who visited their mom every month had a little more going on.

- Plus there's way more gender non-conformity and varying degrees of trans-ing than the powers that be have a handle on. Pel isn't unique, even if most would have to somehow make it out into space to be able to thrive.

Damn a lot of these are just my personal bugbears plus THE GILDED AGE BUT WITH HAIRLESS SPACE RODENTS ain't they

- Women can't earn profit, okay. But lending or "lending" things to each other isn't commerce, riiiiiiight? To be assigned female is to master navigating a vast, dizzying barter/gift economy. Smart boys and men leverage this, too, and there are splinter sects that view this as the purest expression of the Great Material Continuum.

- Of course plenty of women make profit anyway, and just do their bast to dodge the FCA. The tough thing about insisting on using latinum as currency is that cash can be so hard to track, you know?

- Because of the RoA, guys are discouraged from doing favors or giving gifts without setting clear expectation of getting some return on investment. This can twist into an expression of friendship (and of course women do it too), and the ledger will keep cycling between debit and credit among friends for decades. A common mistake aliens make is to tell them recompense isn't needed without explaining why, or return their favor or present with something that zeroes out the debt. The Ferengi will assume you want to break off the friendship. (I cribbed this from dim memories of an African studies course I took in 2007 and whose textbook I know I still have but I can't frigging find it...)

- Flirting, they do a lot of it for a lot of reasons. Roddenberry made it clear that they're just straight up pretty horny, but there's no reason it can't pull double duty for building alliances with other people, smoothing over feuds or disagreements, or cementing friendships. Ferengi who are ace and/or sex-repulsed are possibly viewed similar to the way we'd view someone who's "not a hugger/not big on touching" and if they flirt just don't get offended if it doesn't go any further; aro Ferengi don't garner much comment aside from an occasional "wow how badass, never falling in love with anyone."

- where to even start on making sense of the Blessed Exchequer??? Like seriously, what is this literal prosperity gospel insanity, I need to force myself to re-read Rand and like, some Milton Friedman for this shit. Help.

- fuck I'm probably going to actually do that, RIP me...

#ds9 #star trek #meta #ferengi #i love them Too Much help #reliving my brief libertarian phase from high school from the opposite direction #my heart wants to make them simultaneously as queer and as repressed as possible #i didn't even make it to the goddamned blessed exchequer my head is too full #i will find beauty in this vulgarity if it kills me #this is too long #why did i spend my time this way

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audrinahq · 4 years ago

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AUDRINA CHOI from GLENDALE UNIVERSITY! the TWENTY FOUR year old JENNIE KIM lookalike is most known for being SELF ASSURED and GENEROUS. but they can also be ARROGANT and CALLOUS. the GENDERQUEER always reminds me of JUMPING FENCES TO GET AWAY, VODKA IN A WATERBOTTLE, AN OLD LEATHER JACKET TAKEN FROM YOUR MOM'S CLOSET. that’s probably why they currently have CANDY BY MGK on repeat. with THEM around, this school year is bound to be interesting.

♡ ─── basics

full name: audrina choi nicknake(s): audrey, rina age: twenty four birthday: january ninth sexual orientation: [redacted] relationship status: unknown, assumed single occupation: heiress, student, model

♡ ─── background

place of birth: seoul, south korea hometown: upper east side, manhattan, new york education: graduated from constance billard school for girls, currently attending glendale university

♡ ─── physical

faceclaim: jennie kim eye color: dark brown hair color: black height: 5′1

♡ ─── relatives

biological parents: choi myung-dae (father) & choi chi-yon (mother) adoptive guardians: viktor trimme & anika kuhn siblings: none, only child pets: casper, an orange cat & bandit, a german shepherd

♡ ─── biography / personality

when it comes to audrina’s adoption and their parents, there is no scandal- much to the disapintment of new york city. instead of being raised in south korea, audrina’s birth parents made the decision to give them up for adoption. it was an open adoption and audrina grew up with their birth parents as close family friends and their guardians, viktor and anika. viktor and anika were unable to have biological children of their own and after adopting audrina, they started a foundation meant to help in the adoption process for parents struggling.

it’s not as if audrina is hiding their sexuality. yhey just love having that part of their life hidden from the media and prying eyes. very careful not to be spotted, audrina has become the master at hiding their personal life from not only page 6 but gossip girl as well. it’s become a big speculation if they’re dating anyone at all and who is might be. anyone spotted with them is subject to the “are they dating” questions before it’s clear that whomever it is, is not audrina’s partner.

audrina is the person you want with you when things get complicated. they have a knack for either talking their way out of anything and when words don’t work, money sure does. most of the time the reason someone is in trouble is audrina’s fault but they don’t leave a friend behind. they do, however, leave pawns behind. “pawns are meant to be sacrificed for the queen to win.” high school it was clear they thought themself the queen bee of constance billard. it seems in college that mentality hasn’t died away but no longer are they making it known they want to be on top. not as obvious, at least.

audrina is a very “love them and leave them” type of person. commitment is a nasty word when it comes to relationships. rumor has it their best friend has a reward for the first person to get them to say ‘i love you’.

♡ ─── in character questionnaire

Parents names and occupations? Are they still together? Still alive?

“which set of parents are you talking about? myung-dae and chi-yon are owners of a ramyeon shop in korea. viktor is a criminal defense attorney and anika is a plastic surgeon. they’re all still alive.”

Where did you grow up?

“in the upper east side. manhattan. fifth avenue, to be specific.”

Relationship Status?

“wouldn’t you like to know? next question.”

What is your major?

“education. and no, i don’t want to be a teacher but i need a background in education so i can sit on school boards and reform the education system.”

Sexuality?

“you won’t get that answer from me. stop trying.”

Do you have a job?

“what? being a student isn’t good enough? i do some modelling as a hobby. i don’t need to work.”

Do you dorm at school? Have an apartment?

“i live in the same apartment i always have. i lived in the dorms for freshman year- it was required, and then moved out the second i could. community living isn’t for me.”

Hobbies?

“aside from modeling, i like reading. i’m into fashion- what upper east side kid isnt? oh- dancing and art too. recently took up taekwondo.”

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

“tiny but mighty? no. uh- probably something to do with how i would kick your ass. i don’t know, i’m not that clever.”

What have you been up to over the summer?

“you know that better than i do. seem like a gossip girl reader. ask her, sure she knows.”

Last image taken on your cell phone?

Last text you received?

“next question.”

Where were you the night the fight broke out?

“korea, i was working.”

♡ ─── character inspirations

blair waldorf

jenny humphrey

narcissa malfoy

harley quinn

ingui "queen" yoon

klaus mikaelson

caroline forbes

rebekah mikaelson

♡ ─── wanted connections

sex money feelings dies ( open ) - think of exes but make it a one night stand but on top of that a frequent hook up. every time you say that won’t hook up with each other again. it’s not healthy, you both want past the relationship and let it go, but the moment y’all see each other from across the bar or at a party you just know you’ll end up in each other’s bed again

i saw you in a dream ( nadine alston ) - you guys were close. so close. thought there would never be a time you guys wouldn’t talk, but one thing lead to another and you’re left thinking about them when it’s just you and your thoughts. without them your life really hasn’t been the same, but is it worth getting past what happened to pick up the phone and call them?

painkiller ( juliana “jules” santos ) - best friends forever. literally. this person knows you inside out and you can’t see a day without them. they’re essentially your painkiller. you tell them everything and them back to you. they can tell if you’re feeling down just by the way you send your snapchat streaks that morning. you can’t see a day without them.

call your girlfriend ( open ) - this one is pretty messy. your muse is in a relationship, but there’s a huge flirtationship between these two. the flirtationship essentially becomes to both of these people attached to each other and maybe... even in love. but there’s still that relationship that’s in the way... YIKES

perfect places ( noah evans ) - party buddies but make it you guys just getting lost in the vibes because you don’t want to deal with life. it’s a good friendship. you guys get the thoughts in your head to go numb, but at a point it’s like what’s the point ?

femme fatale ( jared callahan ) - one muse is a huge fool for the other. they’re head over heels for them but they’re just playing around with the other’s feelings because hey ! it’s fun ! all of their friends tell them to ‘ just leave it you’re gonna get hurt ’, but they just continue to be boo boo the fool

ex affair ( open ) - basically your muse was the cheater and audrina the other woman but it ended for whatever reason.

family friends ( luca cartwright ) - friends who met through family, could either be close or it be an awkward situation because they don't really get along or know each other well.

squad goals ( tatiana “tati” reyes , juliana “jules” santos , open ) - just a close knit group of friends. the group chat is always going off with someone’s dramatics, one or more of the squad constantly featured together in social media and the press. one or more or all of them constantly sleeping over at audrina’s place. doesn’t matter the university, these friends have been ride or die since childhood at least.

♡ ─── wanted connections

these can be used in any direction the “you” does not mean your muse from the point of view from audrina, it can go either direction. i just like the #aesthetic of writing it this way.

001. open. you pulled away from me, so i pulled away from you. i pulled away when you hurt me. you pulled away when the world hurt you. and now we are both pulled away during a time when we are supposed to be pulled together. at some point i needed to put it all behind me. forget about you. forget about the way you made me wonder. and what we could have been. because it never happened, and it always got later, morning always turned into nights and the day was eventually over and nothing had changed. but it doesn’t mean that i don’t feel a damn thing, i do still feel a hole in my heart when they talk about you, i do still want to scream when i hear you have another life with someone else, i do still want to feel your kiss on my skin. and i do still love you.

002. open. we have no idea what personal boundaries are and yeah we’ve made out before a lot and yeah it was ok but we’re friends ok friends and why are you staring at me like that? why are you holding my hand always? why are you telling me how much you adore me? oh we’re not dating? oh you’ve been in love with me for years and i’m a doorknob and now things are awkward and i don’t know what to do to fix it.

003. open. i confessed i might be in love with and you said you weren’t interested in dating me because we’re just friends and i’m getting over that heartbreak but you show up on my doorstep and kiss me and we end up in bed and in the morning you tell me this was a mistake and before i can stop you, you leave. you show up again. lather rinse repeat. it’s not good for either of us but we keep doing it.

004. open. we tried the whole dating thing and it didn’t work out and we’ve moved beyond that. you’re my go-to friend on anything and everything and any problem you got i will fucking mow down hell to fix. wow your smile just lights up my world and please don’t be sad. who made you sad i will throw them in hell and mow them down and – oh wow. i never got over you. you’re my fucking world and i just want you to be happy but you can only see me as a friend because when you look at me you see our failed relationship but i’m not the same person i swear.

005. open. we’ve been best friends since we were kids, grew up next to each other and even though we aren’t from the same family we get confused for siblings a lot when we were younger. we’re older now and people keep thinking we’re dating but it’s not like that, we’re just extremely close. oh hey, you’re at my house more often than your own cause i don’t like to be alone at night and the neighbors think we’re together or having an affair and it’s funny to laugh about at dinners and we always get each other valentine’s presents since we were kids and you’re the first person i call when anything happens in my life. what? no, i’m not in love with them, they’re just my best friend.

006. open. “hey, open your front door. i’m here with chips, pizza, ice cream, and your favorite pastries. yes, i know it’s like 3am but i’m your best friend and i know you’re sad right now and i am here to comfort you.”

007. open. you’re not my ex anything. you were a passing moment, an almost a maybe one day we’ll be something but one day never came, you passed by and ‘almost’ didn’t happen. and yet it feels like something did because i know your favorite songs, what you think about late at night and how beautiful you thought i was. and i know you knew even more about me. our story was like an acute angle, a meeting point and then off in different directions. so close and then farther and farther away. we were an almost, maybe, someday.

008. open. tell me where we went wrong because it’s still not clear to me. there are still questions left unanswered and they’re killing me. tell me why we end up here, i thought we’d last a little bit longer. tell me what happened, why all of a sudden you decided to live without me. you just left. tell me how far should i walk away from you because i can’t turn away on my own. i’ve tried my best to let go but my life keeps coming back to you. i’ve tried to walk alone but i keep on looking back, hoping that every time that i turn, you’re there walking with me. tell me when to stop loving you because i don’t know how to stop this feeling.

009. open. if you’re alone, i’ll be your shadow. if you want to cry, i’ll be your shoulder. if you want a hug, i’ll be your pillow. if you need to be happy, i’ll be your smile… but anytime you need a friend, i’ll just be me.

010. open. things were great for a while before suddenly they weren’t. commitment doesn’t look good on you or me and now everything ends in a fight. you pushed me away so i pushed you away harder, the distance became catastrophic and the relationship imploded. hearts were shattered in the process and now you just bring back too many memories of what it felt like to be happy and to be in love so i just ignore you cause it feels easier than facing the truth that i miss you.

#« 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫. 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲 : audrina c. »

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grandducktale · 4 years ago

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“All Yet Seems Well” - Game of Thrones, Dexter, YGO, and the legitimately troubling trend and implication of “the problem play’s” re-emergence in pop culture

So first off, spoilers, naturally. Gonna be talking tragedy here. Also, cringe warning. I’m going to use mostly anime here. Kid cartoons, even. But there’s a point to all this. If you were fans of Dexter or the television series “Game of Thrones”, any show that had more than anything an “unsatisfying finale” you might be able to pick up what I’m putting down.

What is a tragedy? The definitions vary, but it is a troubling or melancholic story with an unhappy ending.

A Tragic Hero is easy enough to define. Hamlet from Hamlet, and Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop. These two men are tragic because they pass away, and are unable to fully protect what they hold dear. But... I wouldn’t say they’re truly tragic. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to be either of them, but Spike Spiegal and Hamlet do to an extent accomplish some of their goals, and go out in a blaze of glory, score a moral victory, something.

(Pictured Above: Spike saying “Bang” as he bleeds out after killing his nemesis and destroying half a criminal empire in a wild one man blaze of glory)

This post is not about those characters. This post is not even about tragedy, necessary. This post is about problems. Problem plots, problem characters, and problematic implications. The title of this post is “All Yet Seems Well”, because the shows and the characters I am about to discuss are highly reminiscient of Shakespeare’s “Problem Plays.”

To start, let me bring up the character of Shouzu Hiiragi from Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V(a cartoon about children playing competitive card games Konami makes to sell trading cards). Arc-V is basically the “problem play” of YGO, if said play had a caged gorilla break out and steal the spotlight for the last third of the performance. “Problem Play” is a vernacular used to refer to three of Shakespeare’s plays that couldn’t quite be pegged into tragedy or comedy, that provoked discussion either about the plot’s structure, the means used to resolve the problem, or both. For those not even slightly into Shakespeare, I’ve always viewed the operetta The Yeomen of the Guard as Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Problem Play”, so to speak, though Yeomen might as well be a straight up tragedy relative to Gilbert and Sullivan’s other works.

But what makes a “Problem Play” a “problem play”, precisely? Well, since we’re talking about YGO Arc-V, lets go to Act V of one of Shakespeare’s “Problem Plays”, All’s Well That Ends Well. Act V, scene three, to be precise.

King: Let us from point to point this story know, To make the even truth in pleasure flow: If thou beest yet a fresh uncropped flower, Choose thou thy husband, and Ile pay thy dower. For I can guesse, that by thy honest ayde, Thou keptst a wife her selfe, thy selfe a Maide. Of that and all the progresse more and lesse, Resoluedly more leasure shall expresse: All yet seemes well, and if it end so meete, The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.

So to understand the “problem” with the above(besides finding a more contemporary translation and supplementing that with sparknotes, tvtropes, and google), one must understand the gist of the plot of “All’s Well That Ends Well.”

Basically, the protagonist of the play, a common girl by the name of Helena, has just prevailed in her desire to marry the love of her life, the highborne Ward of France, Bertram. The audience and the reader should in theory rejoice in such a moment. Helena was given the ability to choose her husband as a reward for saving the ill King, and though she picked Bertram and stipulated that he did not have to marry her, and though Bertram did not directly reject her but instead provided her with two nigh impossible tasks that required guile, intelligence, and strength to prevail, something just seems off. (Perhaps this is why the King says “All Yet Seems Well)

What is it that is off? Is it that Helena was for whatever reason the only one in France capable of curing the King? Is it that for someone as skilled and cunning as Helena, telling Bertram he doesn’t have to marry her is pointless? Is it Bertram’s own psychological manipulation, to the point that even if these two people married and truly did love each other, that their happiness is a righteous person’s misery? That doubt, that uncertainty, the vague feeling that runs contrary to the overt, happy plot is what makes up a “Problem Play.”

Shozu Hiiragi is tragic not because of a vague sense of malice or villainy inherent in his character like Helena. No, in fact, he is an authentic version of the “Noble Commoner” facade that makes Helena so problematic. YGO Arc-V is about a kid named Yuya trying to make it as an entertainer after his father left him at a very young age, vanishing into thin air. Yuya was bullied severely, and his father was supportive and this larger than life figure. Naturally, his abrupt disappearance was a traumatic event for Yuya.

Yuya compensates for this disappearance and his past by playing Pagliacci, a sad clown. The Pagliacci thing aside, the show makes it quite clear in the first three episodes that Yuya holds on so tightly to his identity as an entertainer because of the absence created by his father’s disappearance

Now before I get to Shouzu Hiiragi, I have to talk about Yuzu. Yuya’s childhood friend and sweetheart is a girl named Yuzu Hiiragi.

Shouzou Hiiragi is a lifetime friend and operator of Yushou’s entertainer school. To summarize without being too spoilery, the audience eventually finds out that both Yuya and Yuzu are alot more important than they seem, and that they sort of just... appeared one day as babies. This is where Shouzu starts to become tragic, since we learn that not only did he raise a child that wasn’t his, he did so as a single father

So Shouzu was second banana to Yushou, but he was an entertainer of some renown. He gave it up so he could raise his adopted child, and later on, act as the operator of “You-Show Duel School”, a school named after Yusho but ran by Shouzu since Yushou disappeared.

Now there’s a lot of issues with Arc-V. A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. I am focusing on Shouzu but there’s so much to talk about with how this series has a lot of problems that its tone clashes far too hard with. But I’ll show a meme image out of context for the heck of it.

I focus on Shouzu because he is the legitimate avenue towards Yuya and the show’s main conflict of balancing entertainment with legitimate hurt, dangerous conflict, and immense suffering and pain. He is a man who does good and puts his ambition aside out of alturism to start, but more than that, he is a genuine father figure to Yuya despite all that is on his plate.

Like his costume of flame suggests, Shouzu is hot-blooded and passionate. As the plot progresses, Yuya struggles with doing what is right, being a good entertainer, preserving his father’s legacy, and a whole bunch of things. The advice of his father, Yusho, and the advice of his mother, Yoko, is to “smile when he feels like crying”

This advice isn’t bad, but it is a crutch and a mantra for Yuya, one the direction of the show itself portrays as unhealthy and stunted. (When Yuya cries, he tends to wear his goggles so as to not let it show). So let’s analyze a sequence near the beginning of Arc-V’s 140+ episode. Yuya had obtained a special power like any Campbell Hero, but his rival, Reiji Akaba managed to copy said power in a duel against him(Which Yuya won, anyways albeit due to Reiji having bigger things to deal with)

Being bullied and having a traumatic past, then obtaining a special power unique to him that allows him to win duels, and then LOSING that special power, gets to Yuya a lot, even if he is plenty competent as a duelist.

So he runs away in tears.

Shozou hits Yuya with some facts about how naturally, if a technique or special ability in a game was discovered that gave someone an edge, it would only be a matter of time before other competitors used it too. But Shouzou then challenges Yuya to a duel, and instead of telling him to smile instead of cry, instead re-frames Yuya’s situation of losing his unique ability in a postive and constructive manner

A lot goes on in Arc-V, but the pendulum that Yuya swings back and forth on is the legacy of his father and becoming his own person. Shozou, who is Yuya’s de facto father, provides a path towards the latter.

But... to make a long story short, Shozou is forgotten about. Yuya keeps chasing after his father, and the lesson he learned from Shozou is forgotten. Arc-V, which if you haven’t been able to tell from my essay on the main character’s girlfriend’s dad has an amazing ensemble cast, and spends 50 episodes developing these great ensemble characters.

But in the next 50 episodes, the ensemble characters fade into the background, and Yuya takes center stage only to repeatedly just smile and want to be like his father.

And in the last 50 episodes, the show gets downright mean spirited. A likable ninja character that has the design of a generic henchmen is killed off unceremoniously, an unlikable legacy character manages to shrug off that fate with ease.

All the while, the show keeps this upbeat tone of optimism and Yuya triumphing.

And Yuya does triumph, he does save the day, but it’s all wrong.

I am only skimming the surface here, but the reaction I saw and was invoked in me about Arc-V’s ending was the same reaction I saw with Game of Thrones’s ending.

Something along the lines of “I don’t mind a bad ending, so long as it is tonally consistent and not a confused mess!”

Were this sentiment unique to Arc-V that’d be it. But it is applies to the end of Game of Thrones, Dexter, Netflix’s Watchmen, damn near EVERYTHING that was popular this past decade. This trend of something having a strong beginning and then fading into tonal nonsense, to the point that the viewers either speculate on finding the “true” “hidden” meaning of a piece

, or worse yet, an active desire for a bad or evil ending, so long as that evil at least makes sense

So I have a bad feeling about all of this. Not just because a series I liked went down the toilet, but because, well, remove all these other mainstream series with promising beginnings that nosedove into the ground and crashed and burned, and what’s the most recent universally acclaimed show left?

That’s it. Breaking Bad. A nihilistic story of personal triumph at the destruction of everything else. Which has its place. But with Arc-V, with Game of Thrones, with all these shows, I see a trend of the absurd entering and ruining a show, which leaves people craving order, even if that order is horrible.

I mentioned Gilbert and Sullivan before, so I’ll end this rambling essay with a quote from a song from the Mikado that was allegedly almost cut from it.

“ My object all sublime I shall achieve in time — To let the punishment fit the crime — The punishment fit the crime; And make each prisoner pent Unwillingly represent A source of innocent merriment! Of innocent merriment!”

The Mikado is a tale about the absurd and chaotic, the same absurdity that seems to be turning audiences to darker, more orderly, things. But the Mikado showcases both the trouble of the absurd, and the genuine opportunity and chance for grace the absurd provides.

In my opinion, Problem Play Plots are actually tragedies more tragic than regular tragedies. Borderline horror, even. They bring up problems, and the easiest solution to those problems seems to be that of tragic selfish scheming. But perhaps that needn’t actually be the case. That a benevolent and convincing solution to these problem plots exist - one people can accept, and be inspired by, in a good way.

And if that can’t be done, if the trauma and chaos of these shows serves no point, then the Gordian Knot of problem play plots must be cut. The damage they have done must be acknowledged, the mystery boxes resolved or done away with entirely.

#spoilers #Game of Thrones #Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V #Arc-V #Dexter #Breaking Bad #Shakespeare

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brightlotusmoon · 4 years ago

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"It is a truism that there are people, particularly on social media, with whom one simply cannot reason. Hell, some of them aren’t even actual people, but rather bots whose very existence makes every other interaction suspect. And so we could certainly take worse counsel than to avoid wasting our precious little energies on those who make it clear that they do not share our core values, particularly online, and particularly when the values in question are equality, inclusion, respect, and the most basic, fundamental rights of every human being on the planet.

But I worry. I worry that our wholly understandable refusal to engage with one another will ensure that the bifurcation of us as a people, both as a purposeful political strategy by those in power domestically and as a means for external forces to "sow societal chaos and discord*” becomes permanent. And I worry about what it will do to our ability to evolve, both as individuals and as a society.

I look back on my life and I remember a lot of moments that I’d prefer to forget, and that I hesitate to share. I remember when I was fresh out of college and just starting out in business and one of the senior-most guys on my desk, a man I admired greatly, would make fun of the support staff by saying, “We hire the handicapped; they’re fun to watch.” I remember that I laughed. Not because I thought that I had to to keep my job, not because I felt pressured to do so, but because I thought it was funny.

I remember when the girls were tiny and we bought Katie a doll house, and it came with a family of dolls. I remember that I hadn’t noticed that I’d bought the one with the Black family until I’d brought it home and decided it was a happy mistake. But I also remember that when a guest saw it one day, they laughed and said, “Oh, look, the house came with help,” I chuckled, rolled my eyes, and carried on.

I remember when I screwed something up and thought it was funny to mockingly say, “I”m special. I ride the little bus and wear hockey equipment every day.”

I remember raising inordinate amounts of money, making speeches, pleading for pity, all in the name of finding a “cure” for autism, with no idea that the vast majority of the people for whom I was supposedly fighting desperately needed help and support, but had no desire to fundamentally change who they were.

That was ME. The me that you know, the one who fights like hell for equality and dignity and respect, started out as a person who mocked disability and allowed racial jokes to stand unchallenged in her own home. Who effectively silenced her daughter’s autistic peers. And who desperately needed interaction with people who were light years ahead of me to get me to where I am now. And it scares me, on so many levels, to think of how different my behavior might be had I not had those interactions.

Now I want to be as clear as humanly possible that I don’t mean to imply that we owe our time and energy to anyone, particularly those who deny others’ lived experience or excuse brutality or withhold justice or actively fight against equality. And I want to be even clearer that it is absolutely, positively not the job of the oppressed and marginalized to educate their oppressors and marginalizers. A thousand times no, no, and, just for good measure, hell no. No one is entitled to your labor.

But I do want to take a pause to consider what happens when the vast majority of us, particularly those of us with relative privilege who claim to be allies in the fight, simply stop talking to anyone who isn’t already standing shoulder to shoulder with us. What happens to the folks who might just have taken up the mantle of advocacy had they been exposed to a wider variety of people and perspectives? What happens to the ones who are never challenged to examine their own role in perpetuating the systems that keep us separated in the first place? My behavior changed because I had the opportunity to interact with people outside of the bubble in which casual bigotry and degradation and punching down for a laugh were perfectly acceptable. But what if I hadn’t?

Years ago, I became facebook friends with a particularly radical disabled activist who had taken me to task here on diary a number of times. At the time, a close friend asked what the hell I was thinking bringing them into my inner circle. They said something I’ll never forget: “Aren’t you going to be, like, so uncomfortable knowing that they’re seeing all your personal posts? You’re going to have to watch *everything* you say from now on.”

It wasn’t until I’d heard the thought that had been rattling around in my own head out loud that I’d realized just how important it was to be made uncomfortable. How vital it was to be "aware of everything I was saying.” How desperately so many of us needed - and still need - to widen our circles to let in precisely those about whose lives and opinions and reactions we should deeply care.

We can’t take up every fight, particularly not on social media. But I do hope that at least in our brick and mortar lives, we will keep finding avenues to connect, to talk, to learn, and to grow. Because the absence of connection has proven to be fertile ground for nothing but fear, hate, and further division — and we’ve had enough of those to last a lifetime.

* Full quote: "One of the ICA’s most important conclusions was that Russia’s aggressive interference efforts should be considered ‘the new normal.’ That warning has been borne out, as Russia and its imitators increasingly use information warfare to sow societal chaos and discord.” - Republican Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, Chairman, Senate Intelligence Committee"

And now, me:

FYI, one of my mentors is the activist mentioned, Radical Neurodivergent K, who coined the term neurodivergence many years ago, who will indeed take you to task regardless of what your brain is. And it's only been since 2013 that I discovered I was autistic, but in that time I have experienced and listened to so many ways of thinking, I've put them all in a crucible, and I keep trying to explain that just because you know a thing it doesn't mean you have all the knowledge. You always have more to learn. Information changes, expands, updates, increases. It's really easy to be a hypocrite. You need to keep listening to yourself, and you can't just burst in to gatekeep no matter how you feel.

A good example might be: an "Aspie Supremacist" insisting I or other autistic fans can't make an autistic headcanon about a fictional character who displays autistic traits because, according to that gatekeeper, the character doesn't have all the "right" traits, meaning their own traits, because they still retain their Aspergers diagnosis. By itself this is deep internalized ableism, and now it's with the added insult of an outdated diagnosis connected to a eugenics program that makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because Aspergers Syndrome is autism full stop, and functioning labels don't work and are arbitrary. Nobody needs to be that haughty or condescending to another neurotribe member, especially when it comes to expressing very personalized imaginings. That's kind of what Headcanons are about.

Anyway.

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arthurjdrake · 4 years ago

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Final Steps

PARTIES: Arthur & @eldonash

PLACE: Drake residence

TIMING: Prior to Carrington’s discovery.

SUMMARY: In search of clarity into the mysterious ways of the pie, Orobas makes a trip to the Drake residence in search of assistance and just so happens to make a new acquaintance in the process.

Orobas pressed his face into the window of a particular house, causing a defined smudge on the pane of glass. It was pretty early in the night, he had actually darted around the city during those strange, ‘blinks’ of darkness that happened now, lucky for him. He made it here without major injury because of it. Though the slightest burns on his hands and cheeks weren’t predominate, they did ache a little for spending hours out. Now the moon was up, and he stared in the window believing this was the correct place. In his hand was a wicker basket filled with all the supplies, and Orobas-- he was determined to speak to this Arthur person for two very important reasons. One; pie help. Since it was his pie Orobas had to make for Lydia. Two: Arthur knew Carrington, and he had to know if he was here. When he saw he was in there he quickly walked around and knocked on the door.

All in all the evening had been relatively quiet. The tortoises were fed and the vivarium cleaned out, dinner was done and it left Arthur with some time to himself. He was in the process of putting on a documentary when a knock at the door caused him to frown, check his watch and pause the intro. “Weird time for cold callers,” he murmured as he padded over to the door and pulled it open to look at the man that stood outside. “Uh, hey- can I help you?”

“Evening,” Orobas recognized him as the right person, and relief actually settled strangely in the hallow points of his dead body. Carrington would befriend someone like Arthur, if by looks alone, their gentle features, and sleepy disposition was something easy to enjoy. “Is Carrington with you?” He blurted out without any filter, surprising himself when he had wanted to say, ‘will you help me make your pie’. Orobas’ dead muscles in his face gave nothing away to the clear mental crosswire of thoughts and with the picnic basket in hand simply continued. “I’m Eldon,” he offered, voice calm and with the softest tone that made it almost sweet to the ears. “I haven’t seen him in days. He’s not posting on social media. Is he with you?”

Arthur was half expecting someone else to be selling off eyeballs, it wasn’t the first person to come cold calling in the last week - everyone seemed to be out to profit. What he wasn’t expecting was for a man to introduce himself and promptly ask after someone he hadn’t admittedly seen in a while. A frown marred the warm expression that had previously been on his features. “Cari?” the nickname betrayed his fondness for the man, “no… I sent him a message the other day but I didn’t hear back.” Which was strange considering the man always seemed to respond rather promptly when he did message. “Arthur…” he introduced but the frown remained, “uh, come in. But no, he’s not here admittedly I haven’t seen him in a few weeks… When was the last time you spoke to him?”

The only time Orobas felt a shiver was when anyone gave him permission to enter their house. He savored it, even if feeding and domineering wasn’t on his mind tonight, and stepped through the front door with a gentle elegance. “Me either. I’ve actually come to also inquire about your pie that won second place,” gesturing to the basket which he set on the floor. “But, it seems Carrington is taking over my thoughts for four night in a row now. I have looked all over White Crest. In every little nook and cranny. I was hoping he was with someone, maybe stepping away for a small vacation, but you were the only person I believed he’d be with based off his social media and you say no as well.” Orobas clenched his fist lightly, “Something happened then--”

“My pie? Uh, sure - what about it?” Something about the way this man moved - effortlessly graceful like a predator yet without the intent reminded Arthur of Carrington. “Are you part of a clan or?” it seemed the most logical reasoning as to why this man that he suspected was like Carrington would be looking for him. The concern seemed genuine and in that regard it made Arthur a little less cautious than he might otherwise have been. “That would make sense, but he’d answer if he was going away wouldn’t he? He doesn’t strike me as the type to vanish…” which meant something had to have gone wrong. “You wouldn’t happen to know any witches would you? Maybe one of them could perform a tracking spell on him?” He couldn’t say whether it would work, but he wasn’t sure how else they might find him.

The pie seemed so unimportant right now, which, it technically wasn’t, he was promise bound to make this pie perfect, and he really wanted Arthur to taste the one he made to be sure it was exactly to a tee, how he made it. But Carrington was on his mind, has been for days on end, and he wasn’t any closer to finding him. “I actually just needed you to taste it and be sure its one hundred percent how you made it, taste, look everything.” Orobas opened the small basket and pulled out two pies, setting them on the counter in the kitchen. “We are at the beginning of a friendship actually. When I met him I felt like the universe had decided to place us together for a reason. Poetic I know, but I’m not often caught off guard by such a connection right away, it’s very rare. I am not quite ready to say goodbye.” Orobas tucked his palms together and behind his back. Standing still, without breath even with his clear distress, it was difficult to decipher on his unmoving muscles. “I’m reluctant to involve other species in our business if I am honest. People love favors, and having you owe them in ways you might not pick up on. I’m--” he frowned. “Actually, I’m not sure what to do. Perhaps, I’ll have a group go door to door and ask-- well, ask nicely.”

“Taste it? Oh, well sure I can do that.” Considering the time, Arthur wasn’t really sure if he was in the mood for making pie but he’d never turn down an opportunity to try some. “Who asked you to make mine anyway?” it was a curious request, and didn’t really make sense in his mind unless someone really wanted to try his pie… He’d happily make another if they wanted it. Still, talk revolved around Carrington and a wash of ice settled in his bones, the bottomless pit of uncertainty opening up regarding his friend’s welfare, a far more pressing concern. “Sometimes you just meet people like that, he’s quite an alluring individual.” Unfortunately, if normal methods didn’t work sometimes you had to resort to unfavourable acts to achieve your ends. “And if that doesn’t work?” he questioned “I’d rather expedite the process if possible and if it’s in their wheelhouse of skill I don’t mind owing a favour… I know a couple of witches.” He’d make a point to reach out in the morning.

Orobas pulled a knife from the block and carefully sliced one of the two pies. “It’s important that it looks exactly right and tastes exactly the same, please tell me..” Was all he said on it. The idea of involving witches in the past would have excited him. Orobas loved magic, he found it extremely interesting and the unsavory people who used it for their own benefits earned quite an enjoyment filled emotion from the old vampire. But for some reason, knowing that such a spell existed, and could possibly find them so easily made Orobas question that power and the invasiveness to their privacy. “Mhm,” Orobas’ eyes burned red subtly as he pondered, not realizing that he was just staring off without blinking, and stone still while he did it. “Okay,” he finally answered after an awkward stretch of time. “Have them give me the closest area, and I’ll go get him. If hes to ashes I imagine that it wouldn’t tell us that.”

Arthur stood by and watched Orobas cut the slice of pie, moving to fetch a plate from one of the cupboards and slide it over so the slice could be put on it. “Was it the sweet one you were trying to make?” he asked but judging from the decorations he figured it probably was but it didn’t hurt to ask just in case. “What recipe were you working to?“ he hadn’t published it anywhere so how Orobas or anyone else for that matter would even knew what it should taste like was a little bit of a curiosity in Arthur’s mind. The silence stretched on while Orobas considered the options but the more he pondered it, Arthur couldn’t see any other possibility if they wanted to find Carrington. “I’ll see what I can do. I’m not sure the spell would work if he is ashes… But here’s hoping he isn’t.”

“Weeks of trial and error. I found one of the judges and questioned them, mhm, I’m sure it’s wrong. At this point, that is the nonsense side of it. It’s taken me some time to find you,” he shrugged. “But I do need it perfect. So any help to it will be greatly appreciated or if you can point out what’s wrong. The recipe we’re roughly using is in the basket based on what the judge suggested.” Orobas wasn’t normally so bland with this type of conversation, but this week has been exhausting for him. He left the pie and the basket on the counter, settling on pacing lightly in the kitchen. “If you do, do this. I will only be able to give it tonight. Then-- well. Then other avenues will happen. Which is fine, both should transpire anyway. Have you experienced this before? Someone disappearing like this? You seem calm about it. Has Carrington done this before?”

“I see, and I’m curious - who put you up to this uh… nonsense?” It was easier to use Orobas’ own words than to try and come up with something else, clearly there was a separate instigator but Arthur couldn’t claim to have any idea who it might be or their reason for wanting his pie. “Well, the patterning isn’t bad on the crust” he admitted as he eyed the top though several lines were wonky. “Hm,” he used a fork to cut off a piece before testing it, his features growing thoughtful “it’s not bad but there’s something missing… Honey? Maybe some lemon… Hm.” Moving to the fridge Arthur pulled out a couple of boxes of berries he always kept stocked considering his habit to snack on them at all times. He spoke while he sifted through for the things he used and once he had them moved over to the hob. “Is there a reason for that?” he inquired looking over to Orobas wondering why there might be a timeframe all of a sudden. “Plenty of times, unfortunately I find panic only serves to further fog an already misty situation, a calm head often finds more answers” he admitted. “But Carrington? Not in the time I’ve known him no.”

“Mhm, someone,” Orobas smirked. “They can have their fun. I believe they thought your pie was the hardest on the winners list. Which, probably, yes it seems so. Challenge me with something I probably can’t do since I don’t eat nor taste.” He rolled his eyes. Lydia Griffin and her games, so delightful and worth it when it’s his turn. Orobas didn’t often give all his hands out but Arthur wasn’t a threatening person. “I have intel he was in a fight.” Orobas’ words were haunting in sound, his eyes distant again. “I’m not going to play around with my words and assume you can understand. But such a fight usually leaves us injured beyond your imagination. It’s never an easy thing, not once. I’ve been cut in half, barely able to stand in the past from such moments. If he is alive, and he passed out from the injury, urgency comes from making sure he can feed or he will be stuck. Or worse, if he’s in a place that can have him caught in the sun. I've seen such things as well. Staking us just right so we get to watch the sunrise.” Orobas glanced over. “I don’t trust the outcomes. Never have. I have to find him swiftly. I have the means to do it. It does get messy, but it will work. Oh, how I had hoped he was lounging on your couch.”

“I see.” Arthur didn’t really see, but if this person wanted to put someone through the ordeal of making his pie the least he could try and do was help ease the struggle. “That’s fair enough, well, how about I make the filling - the actual pie itself you’ve got pretty down I’d say. So I think it’s just a matter of fixing the filling and you’d be in a good place.” He wasn’t sure that he’d be much help when it came to hunting down Carrington, “but if he’s been gone as long as he has… Then surely that would’ve happened by now?” But either outcome wasn’t positive, he worried his lip. “I’d rather find him with as little bloodshed as possible. Let me see what I can do.”

“Okay,” Orobas didn’t concede often, but with the pie, he had too. Which could have been the entire reason why he was tasked with it. “Thank you.” Orobas leaned against the counter to watch and help, he had to get this pie done eventually, and even with all present concerns this wouldn’t go away either. “Maybe. Carrington is stubborn and old, we can endure it for a bit. But it’s painful.” At the final comment Orobas glanced over, watching the other closely, and the gentle worry to his lips. “Mhm, I give such a vibe?” There was an inquiry in there but it didn’t translate well with his dead expression and unblinking eyes. “We’ll see... tell me Arthur, what would you do for someone you felt bound too? How far have you taken something?”

“No worries,” Arthur started setting out three bowls before instructing “fill each one of those with berries, one of each kind.” In the meantime, he went to fetch a saucer from the cabinet which he set on the gas to heat up. It wouldn’t take too long to finish up with the two of them working on it. “Perhaps. Something gives me the impression he’s survived worse though,” he couldn’t say what exactly, but something about him struck Arthur as a survivor of worse odds. “Not you specifically - your choice of wording though. Messy implies risks being taken that I’d rather not see come to pass.” There was a moment of silence that followed, “we’re not talking about me. You’re the one intent on finding him,” an evasive answer of choice. In all honesty, Arthur didn’t want to open up that can of worms, the truth of it making for an uncomfortable reality he didn’t wish to delve into too deeply especially with a stranger. There were lengths and darkness he’d succumbed to long ago that were not things that warranted further conversation.

Orobas chuckled at the evasive answer, and didn’t mind in the least. He was known to enjoy asking those uncomfortable questions and getting some form of answer even without them answering it directly. Everyone had a line with certain people, where the consequences of actions didn’t matter anymore. Had Carrington put himself on that side already with Orobas? Perhaps. Orobas walked over to stand by the Arthur’s side, determined to remember everything. Already seeing where they went wrong, but in the grand sense it was probably best he had handled it all this way. Never having made anything like this before, human food foreign to him for centuries. Messing up a lot for the passing weeks got a lot of the basics out of the way, and currently allowed him to understand these steps clearly. “Have you ever won a contest before?”

Arthur had made his choices in life, that didn’t mean he was planning to discuss them with a stranger. So he opted instead to direct attention to the filling of the pie. “So what you need to do is put all of the in a large saucepan - heat them up until they start to burst and get their juices out of them” he explained turning the gas on and gesturing for Orobas to add the berries. Once they’d gotten past that step, Arthur took a hand mixer with whisks attacked and plugged it into the power. “Then you blend it to smooth it out,” he instructed. Baking wasn’t hard so long as you could get the right measure of ingredients together in a bowl. “A contest? Sure. A cooking contest? This would be my first… Cooking contests weren’t really a thing people do back home. Have you?”

“My blood dolls made a pie for Walter and TaeTae-- they are my pet watermelon vampires and live in my garden,” he further explained as if that entire sentence made perfect sense. He took his phone out and typed quickly what Arthur was saying so he could show the dolls later and they could help him with it more. “I heard they submitted it for me, but I didn’t actually make anything food related until the request to make your pie.” Orobas shook his head, no, to the inquiry of winning a contest. “I’ve never cared about such things. I still don’t actually-- I am quite simple in my life. Lately, however, everyone is in need of me. It’s a very different thing-- worrying about others.” He compared what Arthur had in his bowl to previous pictures in his phone when they were baking and noticed the details missing. Good. If he could just get this done, it would be one more thing off his mind. “Thank you for this. How long did you cook it for?”

Arthur quelled the look of distaste that almost made it to his features at the mention of blood-dolls. He’d never understood the concept nor did he rightly agree with it, but he wasn’t typically the sort to voice such displeasure aloud; preferring to internalise and process it after the fact. “Do you have any idea where watermelon vampires originated? I’ve always wondered…” Arthur mused as they continued to work sieving the berries into another bowl and adding the lemon juice “next we make a bain-marie, melt the butter and sugar in that.” While the ingredients cooked through he took the time to study Orobas a little more closely, “it’s taxing, but the end result of keeping people safe is what matters in the grand scheme of things. That’s all the reward you really need in life,” it just sucked when it didn’t go to plan. “All good, and you blind-bake the crust first for about fifteen minutes then put the filling in and the lid on top. So in total about forty-five minutes in the oven should get you the result you’re after.”

“I don’t, but they are delightful. A good friend of mine gave me one from the market,” Orobas made a few more notes, making sure he didn’t miss any small thing Arthur added. ‘Keeping people safe’ Arthur suddenly spoke, and Orobas internally felt nothing over such a sentence. What did it even mean to him? How did that apply to this part of his life and existence now? He’s never had to worry about anyone or anything. Why now, was it that he felt those he wanted to be safe-- weren’t? Was he not strong enough to protect them? “Hm,” was all he could say on it. Maybe he couldn’t being this version of himself. “Alright,” he finished taking it down, and sent the text document to one of his dolls to get them to start pulling the correct ingredients. “I must leave, now,” he glanced up at Arthur, putting his phone away and tucking his hands behind his back with a gentle squaring of his shoulders. “I will be sure to repay you properly. I appreciate your assistance. Should you need me for anything, I will try to make myself available to you in the future.” He set a business card on the table with the name Eldon Ash on it and his cell number.

“Hm,” was a similar response Arthur gave regarding the watermelon vampires. They were curious things and he wanted to learn more about them. Perhaps he’d ask Orobas to study his … pets? “Wait,” he said when Orobas mentioned leaving holding up a hand. Taking the mixture off the hob he poured it into a mason jar and popped the lid closed. “Here” he offered the glass jar for the vampire to take, “it’ll save you having to make it yourself, then all you need to do is remake the pastry and you’ll have the pie sorted...“ But the favour, well, he’d take one of those any day of the week. “Alright, hopefully I won’t need to take you up on that but I appreciate the offer regardless.”

#p: orobas #para #final steps

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a-to-a-and-d-to-d · 4 years ago

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The First Post, Unaffiliated

This is not my first rodeo on Tumblr, but I have not logged into my original account in some time. I think a large part of that decision was due to a bitter taste in my mouth regarding friendships made on this site that I would eventually need to detach from, and sometimes that’s a difficult thing to not only recognize the need for, but to accept and actually do.

I am also less into fandom than I had been. I realize that my indulgence into fandom was to find acceptance and love, but much like seeking religion or social groups for this purpose, it was bound to eventually backfire and discontinue that comfort that it brought me.

I will probably go about discuss religion and like things in this place eventually, as I often ponder religion and spirituality, but do not take my pointing out of anything I find interesting as a means to try to disprove or prove anything.

I thought perhaps today, though, I will talk about something that is on my mind a lot lately, and has recently been brought to the surface by a friend’s situation

One of the struggles I continue to deal with, even as I ever so slowly trudge towards that which we call mid-life, is the child’s relationship with the parent(s), and how those that are/were damaging, we some how feel necessary to reconcile in some ways, for our sanity and for the parental love that we crave because we did not receive an adequate amount of any sort of parental relationship in our youth.

I personally did not develop what I would consider a relationship with my parents until I hit my 20s. I spent a childhood being lonely despite being surrounded by siblings and having parents who remained married. My teen years resulted in a tumultuous relationship with my mother and her scramble to convince teachers and other parents that she did not “screw up” as a parent. I dealt with a significant amount of troubles in my adolescence and her reaction to that time was to become angry. Angry that I had issues, angry that it was clear I had issues, and that I wasn’t living my teens as though everything had been and was perfectly fine.

My older siblings also had difficult times during their teen years, resulting from abusive and neglectful parenting and allowing their children - mostly due to a lack of interest in them - to stay in unsafe private schools and ruminate on those difficulties by themselves. Somehow, I had been expected to be emotionally capable at 10/11 years old to deal with constant harassment. I found release in music and story telling, and sometimes I still very much cling to these things.

What is currently difficult is trying to reconcile parents you had to who they are. Can one forgive an entire childhood of neglect and mistreatment because their parents are better equipped to deal with the issues of completely independent children, or is the fact that they are no longer sole providers for any children making it easier for them to have a relationship with them? The real question at the bottom of this barrel is, is are we - who decided we can tolerate a relationship with these people as adults - continuing to trigger ourselves? I have had more than one night, after talking to my mother, laid in bed and unable to sleep, thinking about some violent act committed against me when I was so small, and wonder... how could she look at a child of 5 and think that was reasonable in any way? It upsets me when I recall those my moments; of course they’re upsetting. But the biggest part of the upset is the fact that I have the memories of this violence but a parent now that I feel more connected to and invested in their wellbeing.

When I was about 18, I was certain I wouldn’t cry at the funerals of either parent, but now I’m concerned about their well being as they become elderly. In some ways, it feels like I’ve betrayed my child self by maintaining a relationship with them even though I had promised myself as a child I would cut them off for good. This is a promise I’ve made a few times as an adult as well.

I think part of the reason I continue to go back is that we all yearn for a family of some sort. And for a while, I thought I had found a “found family,” but after so many years, it was made clear that it really wasn’t that way. Being rejected by found family hurts so much more than an entire life of biological familial rejection. I’m sure this is due to the fact that I had been subjected to violence and neglect once I became a toddler. Once actual parenting was required.

My childhood resulted in an odd way of feeling emotions and attachments. I may talk about this in depth at a different time.

What’s been really bothering me is a friend and their particular relationship with their parents. I’ve spent the better part of a year hearing about how their parents, one in particular, is vile and just the worst. They plan to call authorities. They let pets suffer & die (though my friend also noticed the pets in question and lives there so there is some question as to why they didn’t step up and do something about it). They claim years of abuse and current child abuse in the home. A lifetime of making them feel worthless and taking jabs, blaming them for a lack of confidence and depression. They spent a lot of time discussing their anti-mask feelings and has made comments about them dying so the other parents could be free. The other parent isn’t great, either, but the major complaint is that they’re racist as all get out.. but they excuse it away by saying “but they’re my parent.”

The bad-mouthed parent, the vile and evil one, the anti-mask one (and the racist one as well,, but less about them), the one said friend couldn’t wait to leave and never speak to them again, contracted our pandemic friend. And the vile parent is suffering quite a bit more at its hands. Suddenly, we love this person.

I had a similar experience several years ago, as well, of supposedly incredibly abusive and terrible parents that continue to abuse and mistreat into their adulthood, suddenly becoming a weird sort of saint in their eyes when illness/death is at the door. its not that I believe people who have toxic parents do not love them, or should not worry or mourn if tragedy strikes them. What I am saying is that, if you imagine your parent getting sick and suffering, and that makes your heart hurt and you feel a surge of love, then perhaps you shouldn’t have spent several years convincing everyone around you that they’re the worst person. It makes me question what is more true. I do think that we all unconsciously exaggerate situations that effect us, such as relaying a story of toxicity, but if you do it to a point where I think you’re just waiting for the opportunity to leave their life forever, I might wonder why you’re so bent out of shape.

Is it mourning of the relationship we wish we had? As long as that parent is alive and relatively well, we may be thinking that there’s still a chance to have that relationship. We hope that maybe the parents will suddenly give a shit about us and will love us in the way we needed when we were children. And its difficult to admit to yourself that this isn’t going to happen. Even if your parental relationships are fulfilling and loving now, they are not what you needed when you were a child and you cannot get them now, because you are not a child.

You can always experiment out in the big bad world with different avenues. As I equate violence to the touch of a “loved one,” I’ve fetishized some of that violence. Just as, I’m sure, people had fetishized their own experiences and needs that had been neglected.

However we cope, we need to find healthy and viable ways to do so. And while I do question the legitimacy of the abusive parent when a friend’s reaction to their parent takes a complete turn when something bad happens, I also understand that relationships with abusive people are weird and difficult, especially when they’re our families.

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mikesdiveblog · 4 years ago

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Navigation by Fish

I’m really lucky to have great shore diving 10 minutes away. And with a macro lens, you don’t need a lot of visibility to have a fun time in the water. Let’s talk about that.

The Shark River Inlet runs from the Atlantic Ocean between the Jersey shore towns of Belmar and Avon-by-the-Sea. Starting between two rock jetties that run out from the sand in each town, it runs west under three bridges - Ocean Avenue by the beach, the Main Street drawbridge, and the fixed elevated span of Route 35. Then, it feeds into the wide, shallow, bifurcated Belmar Back Bay, where I frequently dive, and which I have written about before Unlike the Manasquan inlet a few miles south, diving in the Shark River Inlet is restricted between 8 AM and 5:30 PM from May to September, since boats and divers have to share the waterway. This rule doesn’t apply to the Back Bay, just the relatively narrow inlet.

This is an estuary – a connection between the ocean and fresh water – that is subject to tides, which cycle through their phases twice a day. Ocean water flows upstream, filling the inlet and raising the water level during flood tide. Next, this current briefly pauses (high slack tide) before reversing as the water empties into the sea (ebb tide). Eventually, the flow pauses again at low slack, and the process starts again.

Diving in an estuary is done at high slack tide for several reasons. Although occasionally experienced divers will time their dives so that they can ride the current back to their entry point, this can be dangerous, especially if it is attempted during an ebb tide, with the possibility of being swept out to sea. The safest thing to do is to enter the water just before high slack tide so that most of the dive isn’t against a current. High slack is preferable to low slack, because shallow water generally makes entry and exit more difficult, and very shallow diving conditions usually aren’t so good. Finally, at high slack the dive site will have been filled with clear ocean water rather than brackish water from upriver.

So when I’m diving this inlet, it’s at one of the two high slack tides each day. It’s always easy to do this in the Back Bay – they are set up with wooden steps into the water and picnic tables for gearing up. Plus, since there are no time restrictions, you can pretty much go at your convenience. In the Shark River inlet (for most of dive season) unless you want to do a night dive you have to wait for one of the few times when high slack is either between 5:30 and sunset or between sunrise and 8 AM. Last week was one of those days.

It was a beautiful evening, the tide was at 6:30 PM, with plenty of golden hour sunlight brightening up the estuary bottom. I had done this once before, but in a dry suit. My new wet suit was plenty warm enough for the dive, and it also meant that I didn’t have to bring nearly as much weight with me. A dry suit works by trapping gas in fluffy undergarments – very warm even in near freezing water, but also much more buoyant than a wet suit. This had made the last entry and exit VERY difficult, climbing down and up the slippery rocks with 38 pounds of ballast split up between an extra backplate, a weighted insert in my tank adapter, trim weights on my tank bands and a heavy harness. I also have to make this trip carrying my large camera rig, my fins, and my dive flag and float (necessary to warn boaters that a diver is below). With the wet suit, entry and exit was a breeze.

The common entry point for the inlet dive is A street, where a ramp and steps have been fashioned into the concrete surrounding the rocks of the inlet wall. Once in the water, I let out enough line from my float reel to tow it comfortably from the anticipated depth. Conditions were superb, with good visibility, bright light, and lots of sea life.

When I first descended, I saw a lone scup (also called a porgy) who had apparently had escaped some sort of run in with a predator. A large chunk of his back was missing, with exposed bones. But it was a relatively old wound, and he was swimming without difficulty. Interesting! He posed for a few shots, and off I went. The fish in this part of the inlet are larger than the tiny juveniles that you see in the back bay. Plenty of the usual black sea bass and cunner, as well as horseshoe crabs, flounder, sea urchins, starfish. On this dive, I saw a number of feather blennies as well, which had no problem sitting still for endless closeup photographs.

Divers who do this dive frequently get a good sense of where they are in the inlet by becoming familiar with the large rocks that make up the wall. Navigation during the dive itself isn’t hard even for a newbie to the area like me – you just keep the wall on your right as you travel east, staying at a constant depth (around 15 feet). You can try to sense the tide changing to make your turnaround, or you could just figure on an hour total dive time and turn after half an hour. If you get deeper and find yourself over an uninteresting sandy bottom, that means you have drifted north (from the Belmar side) into the channel, so you head back south towards the shore.

The only difficult part of the navigation is surfacing at your entry point. Of course, you can always just surface close to the rocks to check your location. This keeps you away from the boats but you may surface near people fishing from the wall (I had gotten a fishhook through my hand last year!). However, it’s much better if you know the geography well enough to find your exit point from underwater.v I hadn’t done this dive enough to know that geography. After about an hour (30 minutes up and back), I was getting ready to ascend to figure out where the exit point was, when I saw my old friend, the injured scup. Figuring that these guys were fairly territorial with their little homes in the crevices of the rocks, I surfaced, finding myself right at the steps. There are many approaches to underwater navigation, but this was a new one for me – navigation by fish!

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jeanvaljean24601 · 4 years ago

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How to Watch Mad Men and More Great Shows for Free Right Now

Another day, another brand new streaming platform out there begging you to subscribe to its service so you can ignore your family members and binge-watch a bunch of TV shows and movies in the name of entertainment. This time, it's NBCUniversal's Peacock, which offers a free tier as well as two premium options (one with ads and one without). The service features a number of programs for free, including Friday Night Lights and even Parks and Recreation, but Peacock isn't the only place you can stream great shows without breaking the bank.

Below, we've gathered up a number of shows that don't require you to shell out money for Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Disney+, Apple TV+, HBO Max, Peacock, and/or whatever other streaming service subscriptions are out there. Sometimes you just need a simple freebie. And you know what? You deserve it. So check out the list below and take comfort in knowing it won't cost you a thing.

Watch it on: IMDb TV

Until recently you had to have a Netflix subscription to watch Mad Men, AMC's Emmy-award winning period drama from Matthew Weiner that was dedicated as much to style as it was to substance. The 1960s-set series, which traced the rise and fall of flawed Madison Avenue advertising executive Don Draper (Jon Hamm) through his own complicated relationship with identity, was a pointed commentary on the toxic masculinity, sexism, and racism of the era. It also changed the way we watch and talk about TV. If you haven't seen it yet, now's the perfect time to do so.

The Dick Van Dyke Show

Watch it on: Tubi (complete series), Pluto TV (complete series)

Realizing The Dick Van Dyke Show is streaming for free feels a bit like winning a secret lottery or viewing an exceptional piece of art without paying the museum admission fee. The popular comedy, which ran for five seasons, was created by Carl Reiner and starred Dick Van Dyke as the head writer of a TV show, while Mary Tyler Moore portrayed his wife. It's a timeless classic — one that took home 15 Emmys during its run, and if you've yet to experience it, you literally have no excuse at this point.

The Dick Van Dyke Show Photo: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Felicity is best known as the show in which Keri Russell cut her hair (not to be confused with the show in which Keri Russell wore a lot of great wigs, aka The Americans). Depicting Felicity Porter's (Russell) college years and the struggles that accompany trying to figure out who you're supposed to be, the show is also famous for Scott Speedman's whisper-talking and the ongoing battle of Ben (Speedman) vs. Noel (Scott Foley). Although the WB series was previously streaming on Hulu, you can now watch it for free on the ABC app.

A reimagining of the kitschy original series, Syfy's Battlestar Galacticastarred Edward James Olmos, Mary McDonnell, Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Michael Hogan, James Callis, and Jamie Bamber and explored the aftermath of a nuclear attack by the Cylons, cybernetic creatures invented by man who evolved and rebelled against their creators. The show was critically acclaimed for the way it tackled the subjects of science, religion, and politics, and for the way it explored the deeply complicated notion of what makes us human. Everything from the miniseries to the two BSG films (Razor and The Plan) is currently available to stream for free on Syfy's website, so there's no better time to watch it. So say we all!

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series), Tubi (complete series), Pluto TV (first 13 seasons), YouTube (first 13 seasons)

For many millennials, the fourth series in the Degrassi franchise, Degrassi: The Next Generation, is the defining iteration of the long-running Canadian series. The drama series, which was sometimes so overly dramatic it was actually funny, tackled everything from date rape and suicide to sexual orientation and teen pregnancy. The series, which launched the careers of Drake (then known as Aubrey Graham) and Nina Dobrev, is streaming on multiple free platforms.

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Eli Stone really had it all, which is to say it had Victor Garber singing George Michael songs, Loretta Devine singing George Michael songs, and George Michael singing George Michael songs. What else is there? ABC's offbeat two-season comedy-drama starred a pre-Elementary Jonny Lee Miller as Eli Stone, a high-powered San Francisco lawyer whose brain aneurysm gave him prophetic visions — which usually involved his friends, family, and colleagues breaking into song. Aside from a couple of ill-advised plotlines (the pilot, which suggests vaccines cause autism, is best forgotten), the show was a blast: a weird but memorable cocktail that should have stuck around for more seasons because, as I mentioned, Victor Garber sang George Michael songs. Also, Sigourney Weaver played God?! -Kelly Connolly

Watch it on: YouTube (nearly every episode)

A true Canadian treasure, The Red Green Show was a long-running comedy starring Steve Smith as Red Green, a handyman who constantly tried to cut corners using duct tape and who had his own cable TV show. It was a parody of home improvement shows and outdoor programs and featured segments like Handyman Corner, Adventures with Bill, and The Possum Lodge Word Game. The show ran for 15 seasons, airing on PBS in the States.

TV Premiere Date Calendar: Find Out When Your Favorite Shows Are Back

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series), ABC app (complete series)

Critically beloved but struck down before its time, My So-Called Life has been praised for its realistic and honest portrayal of teenage life, not just via Angela Chase (Claire Danes), but through the show's young supporting cast as well. Now considered to be one of the best shows of all time, it tackled topics like homophobia, homelessness, drug use, and more without ever feeling preachy or like an after-school special. Also, Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto) could lean.

Watch it on: CW Seed (first five seasons), IMDb TV (first five seasons)

If you don't have Netflix but still want to watch Schitt's Creek, you'll be happy to know you can watch the first five seasons of the heartwarming, Emmy-nominated comedy series, about a wealthy family who loses everything they own except the town of the show's title, for free on CW Seed and IMDb TV.

Dan Levy and Catherine O'Hara, Schitt's Creek Photo: Pop TV

Watch it on: Peacock (complete series); IMDb TV (complete series)

You may never know what it feels like to have Coach Taylor (Kyle Chandler) be proud of you, but you can pretend by watching all five seasons of Friday Night Lights, a series that was as much about a Texas community as it was about the sport that united it. By the end of the show, you'll be asking yourself "What Would Riggins Do?" and tattooing "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose" on your body, all while chanting "Texas forever!" Trust me, it happens to everybody.

Watch it on: CW Seed (complete series)

It is relatively easy to forget that The CW series The Carrie Diaries was a prequel to Sex and the City, because the charming show, which lasted just two seasons, was able to stand on its own. The coming-of-age series that followed a teenaged Carrie Bradshaw (AnnaSophia Robb) was relatively innocent compared to the original series. The show's 1980s setting made it easier for the writers to focus on more harmless family storylines and teenage heartbreaks, but the show never shied away from the heartstring-tugging drama of young adulthood either. It's a shame the show never got the kind of ratings it deserved and wasn't able to exist beyond Carrie's high school years, but the Season 2 finale works well as a series finale, so viewers won't feel as if the story was left incomplete. android tv box

Watch it on: CW Seed (complete series)

It's a shame Bryan Fuller's saturated dramedy Pushing Daisies, about a pie-maker (Lee Pace) with the ability to bring the dead back to life, couldn't bring itself back to life after becoming a casualty of the 2007-08 writers' strike. A whimsical delight, the show featured the pie-maker teaming up with a local private eye (Chi McBride) to solve murders by reviving the victims for a brief time. Known for its quirky characters, eccentric visual style, and Jim Dale's pitch-perfect narration, it remains must-see TV.

Watch it on: IMDb TV (first seven seasons); Peacock

Columbo kicked off nearly every episode by revealing the crime and its perpetrator to the audience, which means unlike most crime dramas, the show was less about whodunnit and more about Peter Falk's iconic raincoat-wearing homicide detective catching them and getting them to confess. Oh, and just one more thing: it's great.

Watch it on: CW Seed (complete series)

The charming and playful Forever, which starred Ioan Gruffudd as an immortal medical examiner, was the one show that could have saved ABC's Tuesday at 10 p.m. death slot. But the network still canceled the series anyway, enraging the show's fans, who have never let the sting of its death go. Luckily, it now lives on, ahem, forever (aka until the content license expires) on CW Seed.

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series)

It sounds odd to say The Middle, which ran for nine seasons on ABC, was unfairly overlooked, but it always felt like the series, which followed the middle class Midwestern Heck family, was a bit of a hidden gem. It wasn't as popular with Emmy voters as, say, Modern Family, and critics also failed to give it its due, but it was a real, heartfelt, reliable family comedy with mass appeal, and you can stream it on IMDb TV for free. h96 tv box

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Trophy Wife's short life — it was canceled after just one season — can probably be chalked up to its unfortunate title, which was meant to be ironic but ultimately kept viewers from tuning in and experiencing the warmth of the show and the relationships at its center. Malin Akerman starred as the young wife of Bradley Whitford's middle-aged lawyer, and the comedy explored the dynamics between the two, his children, and his two ex-wives, who were played by Marcia Gay Harden and Michaela Watkins. h96 max x3

Watch it on: NBC app (complete series)

Loosely based on the Biblical story of King David, Kings was a compelling drama before its time. Rudely cut down after just one season by NBC, the show starred Ian McShane as the king of the fictional kingdom of Gilboa, while Christopher Egan portrayed an idealistic young soldier whose counterpart is David. The show also starred Sebastian Stan, which is reason enough to want to check it out.

Watch it on: ABC app (complete series)

Ray Wise portrays Satan in Reaper, a supernatural dramedy about a slacker (Bret Harrison) who reluctantly becomes a reaper tasked with capturing escaped souls from hell after it's revealed his parents made a deal with the devil many, many years before. The fact the show only lasted two seasons is a crime against humanity. Luckily, you can watch it in its entirety for free on the ABC app. h96 max x3

Watch it on: IMDb TV (complete series)

A team of experts led by a kooky old scientist (John Noble), his son (Joshua Jackson), and an FBI agent (Anna Torv) investigate strange occurrences around the country, X-Files style, in the J.J. Abrams-produced Fringe. The series is one of the best broadcast science-fiction shows of all time, particularly in its first three seasons, and perfected the art of the serialized procedural by weaving the show's deep mythology and excellent character work into weekly standalone stories, making it easy to binge or watch in spurts. And by the time the end of Season 1 starts, you'll have a hard time stopping. -Tim Surette

Watch it on: Tubi (complete series), Vudu (complete series)

Although American TV producers would eventually adapt Being Human, the original British version, which followed three supernatural beings trying to live amongst humans, is far superior. The show, which ran for five seasons, starred Aidan Turner, Russell Tovey, and Lenora Crichlow as a vampire, werewolf, and ghost, respectively. So skip the U.S. version entirely and watch the U.K. series for free.

Watch it on: Pluto TV (complete series), Vudu (complete series), Tubi (complete series)

The Australian young adult-oriented series Dance Academy is not exactly what you'd call "great television," but it is great fun. Brimming with teen angst and melodrama, the series, which ran for three seasons and even had a follow-up movie, followed a handful of dancers at Sydney's National Academy of Dance as they trained in the sport they loved while also falling in and out of love with each other. The acting was sometimes questionable, but the series itself was addictive, not to mention one of the easiest binges you'll ever encounter. h96 max tv box

3rd Rock From the Sun

Watch it on: Tubi (complete series), Pluto TV (complete series), Crackle (all six seasons), Vudu (all six seasons)

You might think a show about a group of socially awkward, 1,000-year-old aliens in human skin suits who are trying (badly) to pose as a human family and blend into an ordinary Midwest town might sound ridiculous, and, well, that's fair. But 3rd Rock From the Sun was still charming in even its most bizarre moments and gave its cast a lot of room to play up their roles and create an ensemble of weirdos that, at some point or another, start to tap into their newfound humanity and relish their new home here on Earth. -Amanda Bell.

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sage-nebula · 5 years ago

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mannnnn thank you for validating my dimitri salt because the fandom take of (usually f!)byleth """saving""" him with their (usually her) """warm hand""" etc. etc. gives me the heebie jeebies. i get that there's a lot of young people in this fandom who haven't necessarily worked out yet that no one should feel responsible for "changing" their significant other! but seeing it everywhere is annoying and i'd rather be over here in my own private salt mine, thank you very much >:(

You are very welcome. Putting the rest of my response under a cut so those who don’t wish to see this don’t have to.

First off, as a disclaimer, I just want to say: I don’t think you necessarily have to be young to be attracted to the “power of love saves all” trope, and I am also a firm believer that you can enjoy something in fiction without endorsing / liking it in real life. I myself am a fan of some dark tropes; I love drama and angst, and I have been known to put characters into downright awful situations that I would never want anyone to suffer through in real life. Fiction serves many purposes, but one of those purposes is to allow people to explore ideas that are dark or terrible in safe avenues that hurt no one. This is why there has been fiction that depicts things like gruesome murders, for example, for centuries. People who write books about murderers (usually) don’t actually murder people themselves, nor do they want anyone to be murdered. They’re just telling a story they thought might be interesting, and others who enjoy that type of story (but also probably aren’t murderers and wouldn’t want to murder anyone in real life) are reading it. So it’s entirely possible that people who are drawn to the idea of F!Byleth “saving” Dimitri from his “darkness” with the power of her love are adults, and are also people who wouldn’t go for that sort of thing in real life. That’s completely possible, and I don’t begrudge those people for it. You do you, and all that. If that’s your type of thing, great. More power to you.

But as you’ve gathered from your posts, I personally don’t like it at all.

I haven’t finished Azure Moon yet, but so far I hate … pretty much everything about the way Dimitri’s character has shaken out, and how his relationship with Byleth is being forced now. Because let’s get one thing clear: Dimitri’s feelings that Byleth “saved” him are almost as much of a 180 as his feelings regarding not wanting to kill Edelgard, with potentially even less explanation if you can swallow that he, for some reason, believed that Patricia was the first Flame Emperor because Cornelia (enemy and known liar) said so as she was dying right off the bat without any proof to back up the claim. When Dimitri first saw Byleth after five years, he at first thought they were a ghost, and then accused them of being a spy, and THEN went on to say that he didn’t really care either way so long as he could keep murdering people (and still later said that he would “use [Byleth] and [their] friends until [their] flesh fell from their bones” so, yikes). It wasn’t until Dimitri saw Dedue that there was any sign of his behavior changing even slightly. Dedue’s reunion got the romantic sounding music. Dedue brought out the softness in Dimitri. Dedue comes across as a far more natural love interest for Dimitri than Byleth ever could. Once Rodrigue kicks the bucket, Dimitri still pushes Byleth away until he breaks down into a Woe Is Me speech and Byleth offers their hand. At that point Dimitri’s gratitude and fondness for Byleth begins being pushed very hard, in a way that feels unnatural and unrealistic given how he’d behaved up until that point. If Dimitri had been more broken up and touched at Byleth’s reappearance after five years, sure, maybe. But as it stands it feels unnatural, and leads me as a player to believe that Byleth flat out just did not mean as much to Dimitri as they meant to Claude or especially Edelgard.

But all of that—the bad writing, of which there are other instances in Azure Moon, to the point where in my opinion this feels like the Conquest of Three Houses—is a minor issue. The bigger issue is the fact that the game pushes that we’re supposed to sympathize with Dimitri and see him as a tragically heroic figure when I … don’t, at all, for multiple reasons.

The first, and perhaps biggest, issue is the way his trauma and mental illness is being used by the narrative as the defining reason for why we should sympathize with him. Dimitri was traumatized when he was about fourteen by seeing his parents, friends, and others killed brutally in front of him during the Tragedy in Duscur. (Note that in this same incident Dedue witnessed GENOCIDE CARRIED OUT ON HIS PEOPLE, HIS FAMILY MURDERED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, but the trauma that he should have from this is basically never touched upon, and instead he acts as though people from Faerghus—you know, the kingdom that COMMITTED GENOCIDE AGAINST HIS PEOPLE—should not associate with him lest it stain their reputations. Hmm. Hmmm.) Somehow, at the tender age of fourteen, Dimitri went on a brutal killing tirade during this incident, delighting in bloodshed, which understandably disturbed and traumatized Felix (whose own brother was slain during that incident, mind, albeit not by Dimitri obviously), who then cut ties with him, not wanting to be friends with someone like that anymore. (Note: Everyone acts as though Felix was the bad one for this, rather than thinking it reasonable to not want to be friends with someone who delights in murder and bloodshed.) As a result of all of this, Dimitri regularly hallucinates the ghosts of his dead relatives and friends, and devotes his entire life to avenging them by murdering whoever was responsible for the Tragedy of Duscur, as well as whoever gets in his way of accomplishing that. (Note: “Who was responsible” is something Dimitri will accept with basically no evidence. He believes Edelgard was responsible because she called herself the Flame Emperor and wore a similar outfit to the one he saw back then. Never mind that she is his age and thus was also a fourteen-year-old child at the time; no, he believes she must have magically made herself the size of an adult and was capable of killing not only her own mother, but also his father (who carried a Hero’s Relic!) and countless others. Because that makes sense.)

So. It’s clear that Dimitri has deep-seated trauma, and it’s understandable that he would have trauma from such a grisly, horrible event. It is also true that not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way, and that there is a definite stigma against those who don’t react to their trauma in ways that people can twist to be “cute” or “endearing”. I’ve talked about the Good Survivor vs. Bad Survivor dichotomy among fans on my blog before, and I stand by everything that I said. However, there are several key points to keep in mind:

Not all behaviors can be classed as just “Good” or “Bad”, and furthermore, even if two behaviors are agreed upon to be “Bad”, that doesn’t mean they’re on the same scale. Being asocial and snapping verbally at people isn’t the behavior of a “Good” Survivor, but it’s also not nearly as bad as actually murdering people and doing it as slowly and painfully as possible. Getting on someone’s case because their trauma makes them reluctant to socialize or trust isn’t the same as calling them out for torturing people to death. This shouldn’t have to be said, but this is tumblr, so I’m going to say it.

Succinctly, a shitty past does not excuse a shitty present. Yes, Dimitri was traumatized. No, this DOES NOT justify his actions even before the timeskip, much less after it. Similarly, Dimitri lampshading that his behavior is bad and calling himself ~a monster~ doesn’t make it better, either. If anything, it makes it worse, because Dimitri knows that what he’s doing is horrible and he continues to do it anyway. Just because you’ve been traumatized (rather through a single incident or years of abuse or whatever) doesn’t give you a free pass to do whatever you want. You are accountable for your actions and behaviors, always. Trauma may explain why you behave the way you do, but it does not excuse it.

The problem with the narrative portrayal of Dimitri on Azure Moon (and arguably Verdant Wind as well, since we had an Alas Poor Dimitri moment when he was killed on Verdant Wind despite him literally calling for the deaths of everyone on the field in that path, straight up telling Claude to his face that he was going to kill him) is that the game pretty much flat out tells you that you should sympathize with Dimitri because of his trauma. Oh sure, Felix calls Dimitri “the boar prince” and routinely chews him out, but if you tell Felix that you’re not going to talk to Dimitri shortly after the timeskip, Felix tells you to “not give up so easily” and that Dimitri surrendered his humanity in pursuit of becoming a better killer, as if that’s supposed to make him sympathetic. Rodrigue tells Byleth that he wishes that he had the courage to “scold” Dimitri, but doesn’t actually do anything about it. And every single person present, including both Rodrigue and Gilbert, go along with whatever Dimitri wants, even when what he wants ignores the problem of the fact that Faerghus citizens are starving to death in the streets because of the situation in the capital. Dimitri flat out tells EVERYONE that he is all but abdicating his duties as king in the name of revenge, but rather than Rodrigue or someone else experienced coming to the logical conclusion taht he is therefore no longer fit to be king and relieving him of those duties (not necessarily violently; I doubt he would have put up an argument), they instead just go, “welp, nothing we can do about it we guess” and go along with what he wants, leaving the people to suffer, because Dimitri is of the Blaiddyd bloodline and, well, he’s a sad boy and they feel bad for him.

I shouldn’t have to say it, but I’m going to: This is disgusting. It’s disgusting that Dimitri’s trauma is used as a way to try to make the player feel bad for him despite the atrocities he commits time and again right there on screen. When Byleth first returns to the monastery after five years, it’s to find that he’s decorated the place with Empire soldier corpses. Byleth has to mercy kill Randolph before Dimitri can rip out his eyes, something Dimitri grows angry with them for. Dimitri says, immediately after that, the line that has stuck with me: “I’ll use you and your friends until your flesh falls from your bones.” He’s told that the people in Fhirdiad are starving and dying in the streets and need help and he flat out says he doesn’t care. He relishes in bloodshed and crows at every opportunity about how he wants to kill. While both Claude and Edelgard look regretful about the battle at Gronder Field, Dimitri just once again roars about how he wants his soldiers to kill every single person present. And through it all, we’re told that this is okay and we should forgive and feel sorry for him because he’s traumatized. It’s not really his fault, it’s just, ooh, that darn trauma!

As someone who has C-PTSD from years and years of abuse, I can’t begin to tell you how much narratives like this infuriate me. Those of us with trauma aren’t mindless infants who are unaware of our surroundings and incapable of controlling our behavior. When I say “a shitty past doesn’t excuse a shitty present” and “traumatized individuals are responsibel for their behavior,” I say that from the perspective of someone with trauma that affects me to this day. My abuse was such that sometimes I still have nightmares about my biological mother that leave me dazed and distracted for the whole day. I’ve really been through it. But I’m also 100% responsible for my own behavior. It’s my responsibility, and no one else’s, to make sure that I don’t hurt others. If I do something wrong, that’s on me, and my trauma will never excuse or justify it.

So for the narrative of Three Houses to act as though Dimitri’s rampant murder, (attempted) torture, and love for bloodshed and violence is excusable and forgivable because of his trauma is infuriating to me. It’s infuriating to me how, after that insipid ~warm hand~ moment, Dimitri launches into constant Woe Is Me speeches where we’re meant to reassure him that it’s okay that he committed so many murders for no reason other than to quench his blood thirst, it’s okay that he wanted to use his former friends as meat shields to get what he wanted, it’s okay he abandoned his people to die in the streets, that he’s still a good and worthy king and ~just what Faerghus needs~. We’re supposed to see his return to Fhirdiad as a good thing, an inspiring moment. We’re supposed to side with him when he (I assume) later acts the hypocrite by telling Edelgard that People Dying Is Wrong and that she should surrender to him instead. (Never mind that deaths caused by Edelgard’s actions were caused as a result of a war that was necessary to take down the Church of Seiros, which actually had been ruling all of Fodlan under the guise of letting the different territories rule themselves for ages, while Dimitri just killed Empire soldiers for his own blood thirst and revenge, but you know. If you ask most of the people in the fandom, Saint Didi can do no wrong.)

But the thing is, all of that is bullshit. It wasn’t okay that he committed so many murders for the sake of his own revenge fantasies and blood lust. It wasn’t okay that he wanted his former friends to be his meat shields. It wasn’t okay that he abandoned his people. None of that was okay. And I don’t want to sit here and console him and make him feel better just because he apologies and cries about how he’s The Biggest Monster Ever as a result of his actions. Because a.) his actions were monstrous, and b.) that’s an emotionally manipulative tactic, and I’m here for none of it.

Before I go any further, let me state flat out: I’m not calling Dimitri an emotional abuser. I don’t think that was the intent behind those Woe Is Me pity parties of his, from a writing standpoint, and therefore that’s not what he’s thinking he’s doing when he goes on them. I will call Dimitri many things, including a murderer, but I won’t call him an emotional abuser because I don’t think that was the intent in the writing. However, regardless of whether that was the intent in the writing or not, it doesn’t change the fact that one of the oldest tricks in the emotional manipulation book is, when emotional manipulators / abusers are called out on their behaviors and forced to answer to the things they’ve done, they’ll flip the script and start degarding themselves and talking about how awful they are so their victims end up comforting them. A very basic demonstration of what I mean:

Victim: “It really hurts me when you act like you can’t trust me and go through my phone to see who I’ve been talking to. I feel like my privacy is being violated and like you think I’m dishonest.”

Manipulator: “You’re right, I know I should trust you more. I just get so insecure and scared that you’ll leave me.”

Victim: “I know you deal with insecurity, but that doesn’t give you a right to go through my things. It really upsets me when you do this.”

Manipulator: “I know, I’m such a horrible person. I’m the worst partner. You deserve so much better than me, I understand that you hate me, I’m just the worst and am absolutely useless and terrible and not fit to be even your friend, much less your partner.”

Victim: “No, wait, that’s not true …”

And on and on. Even if they pepper in “I’m sorry”s in there, it’s never once a genuine apology, because they spend so much time tearing themselves down in an exaggerated fashion that the victim feels like they have to comfort the person who hurt them. Similarly, when Dimitri goes on his speeches about how he’s ~unworthy to be king~ or a monster or whatever, the answer choices given are Byleth comforting him one way or the other. We’re never given an option (beyond telling Felix we won’t talk to Dimitri right after the time skip) to tell Dimitri that he is awful, that he doesn’t deserve to be king, or really to revoke our support in any way at all. And because Byleth is not given that option, the narrative is telling us that the correct “choice” (because there really isn’t one) is to sympathize with and empower Dimitri despite how heinous is behavior is. Because Dimitri was traumatized, poor thing, and thus it’s okay that he brutally murdered all those people for no reason other than his own satisfaction.

(Note: The game never once says “revenge is wrong because it just breeds more revenge.” Even though it seemed like they were going that way with Randolph and Fleche, it’s not Fleche wanting to murder Dimitri that makes Dimitri realize that what he’s been doing is fucked up, it’s Rodrigue dying defending him from Fleche. So even if you wanted to say that Dimitri being blood thirsty and out for revenge was meant to teach him a lesson about how he should behave, it’s not, because that’s not a lesson he ever actually picks up on.)

And that finally ties into what I think you were driving at in your ask (boy, I’ve been at this for a long time), which is the narrative of someone “saving” someone else with their love. By telling the player that they, as Byleth, should excuse and forgive Dimitri for his atrocities because he was traumatized and sad, the narrative (and all the characters in the narrative) are basically pushing Byleth to be Dimitri’s therapist. And as I said in the tags on one of my Azure Moon hate posts (or maybe on twitter, I can’t remember, it all blends together), I am not here for that.

Aside from the fact that both Edelgard and Claude seem to genuinely care for Byleth the whole way through, the other primary difference between them and Dimitri is the fact that Byleth doesn’t have to play therapist for either of them. Claude, for the most part, doesn’t have any major traumas; he did have to grow up being outcasted for being mixed race, and that is its own kind of trauma which I am in NO WAY diminishing, but that trauma he faced was the more realistic type of trauma that people in real life face every day. He is still the most well-adjusted of the three. As for Edelgard, she is in my opinion even more traumatized than Dimitri, but not only is her trauma handled in such a way that it’s never used as an excuse for her behavior (the experiences that traumatized her helped her form the beliefs that spur her actions, but her actions always route back to those beliefs, not to “ghosts made me do it”), but she also pretty much keeps her trauma to herself as best she can and never hinges her emotional stability on Byleth. Yes, Byleth’s presence helps balance Edelgard since Byleth is a secondary confidant and can therefore offer counter-influence to Hubert’s toxic influence (not bashing Hubert here, I’m just saying, he is the WORST influence), but although it’s made clear that Edelgard deeply missed Byleth for the past five years to the point of lamenting about it constantly to the rest of the Black Eagle Strike Force, she also kept her shit together and didn’t wantonly murder people as a result of Byleth’s absence. When she comes to Byleth with issues, they’re usually tactics or strategy related. Byleth is only ever able to learn about Edelgard’s past in late night moments of emotional vulnerability, such as after a nightmare. And even then, Edelgard sharing those moments is less “HEAL MY PAST TRAUMA AND MAKE ME BETTER, PROFESSOR” and more “okay, I trust you enough to tell you this.” It’s not about helping stabilize Edelgard, it’s about earning enough of Edelgard’s trust to learn of her past.

This is in stark contrast to Dimitri, who, again, is completely off his shits, and him being off his shits is treated as a problem that Byleth (/the player) needs to “fix.” Felix tells you to do something about Dimitri. Rodrigue asks you to steer Dimitri in a better direction. Gilbert and Dedue both thank you for “saving” Dimitri even before he finishes being off his shits. The Azure Moon route is about forcing Byleth into the position of therapist and having them do emotional labor for Dimitri, which is hilarious if you think about how Byleth didn’t even start having emotions until teaching at the academy, but also unbelievably aggravating to me, as a player, because I don’t want to be a therapist for a murderous sadboy. I don’t like Dimitri. I don’t approve of his actions or behaviors. And I don’t give a shit what his reasons are for it. I’m not here to be his therapist or do that emotional labor, and I shouldn’t have to be. No one should have to be, except a paid therapist, and only because they’re being paid and have agreed to take on the job. But even then, Dimitri is still his own responsiblity. He is a grown fucking man. It shouldn’t be my or anyone else’s job to do this for him. Neither Edelgard or Claude (or Yuri, for that matter, in Cindered Shadows) required this much emotional labor and bullshit, for fucksake.

But of course, in all of this, I think what gets me more than anything present in the entire game is the fact how, from what I’ve seen, people in fandom by and large worship Dimitri and bend themselves into pretzels painting him as heroic while simultaneously spitting bile at Edelgard and making her out to be a villain. The contrast in their respective pages on TV Tropes is stark. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given that Edelgard is a woman (and a queer woman, at that) and Dimitri is a blond white boy, and that’s just the way these things tend to be, but it still pisses me off and frustrates me to no end. Fandoms are simultaneously the best and worst of times and this will likely never change. (But honestly, if Edelgard’s role was filled by the blond white pretty boy while Dimitri’s was filled by the woman, I guarantee you that reception to them would be flipped right around. Guarantee.)

Anyway, this turned into a huge rant. I didn’t even expect it to be this long when I started writing. But suffice to say that while I’ve not yet finished Azure Moon, it’s currently my least favorite of the routes I’ve played (best is Crimson Flower, then Cindered Shadows because shut up I’m counting it, then Verdant Wind, and then Azure Moon; I’m ignoring the existence of Silver Snow since I cannot imagine ever not siding with Edelgard when I’ve chosen the Black Eagles), and I cannot stand Didi. He is the worst of the House Leaders by far. Considering how much he has in common with Rhea, it shouldn’t be surprising I feel this way about him, but boy, do I feel this way about him. So go ahead and feel validated, anon. You will not find Didi or Azure Moon love on this blog. You are not alone in this, trust.

#this got so long wow #but i mean every word #fucking hate azure moon and cannot stand Dimitri #this is a Didi Alexandre hate blog #(well not really since dedicating a blog to hatred for a fictional character is stupid but)#(you know what I mean)#also it really is fucked up how Didi's trauma over the Tragedy at Duscur is highlighted so much #and he's treated as being so tragic because of it #but Dedue watching his people be genocided and then being discriminated against for his race #is like . . . completely glossed over #and he's OKAY with it and encourages The Whites not to interact with him lest their rep be tarnished #and also is okay with it bc of White Savior Didi #g o d #fucking nasty #worst route #(again not counting Silver Snow in rankings bc I won't play it bc what is the point)#(how could anyone side with Rhea over Edelgard)#(that route doesn't exist tyvm)#anyway #rant over now i promise #fire emblem: three houses #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #Anonymous #meta

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iprocrastinatefartoomuch · 5 years ago

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A lot of thoughts on AWAE 3x08 (spoilers ahead)...

Ka'kwet’s back! Yay! So is that shitty nun, ugghhh. She and the minister who burnt the schoolhouse are going straight to hell.

While I applaud the ingenuity of her idea, I hope she doesn’t drown.

Holy shit, she’s going to escape by holding on to the underside of the wagon. This moment remains relevant because there’re refugees and migrants that travel using that method.

I love how Anne is so enthusiastic about the paper, she’s going to be heartbroken over the burnt schoolhouse and the confiscated printing press.

“We did do something and this was the result.”-Come on Tillie, don’t blame Anne for the school’s board of directors’ feebleness.

Glad to see Josie’s back at school.

Oh no, Anne is going after Mrs. Lynde. As much as I have flip-flopped on liking her, she did try to be the moderate voice on the panel.

I love how Mrs. Lynde has come around to Anne and her cause because she realized, in spite of Anne’s methods and her “behavior”, she was fighting for her to have a voice as well. Solidarity is beautiful

Bash’s mom is here! They have an uneasy dynamic about them.

Anne and Gilbert are so comfortable with one another and sitting awfully close to one another.

And we’re brought back to reality with the mention of Winifred.

“Not with you, Anne, with Winifred!” Ooff, that’s got to hurt.

Dining with parents, they’re going awfully fast.

Diana: How not to break up with someone 101.

Describing their relationship as apples and oranges isn’t an accessible way to break up with one another.

Don’t lie Diana, you did think that Jerry wasn’t good enough for you.

The fact she threw his gifts to her on the floor was unnecessarily cruel.

Why couldn’t she just say that the relationship was going a bit too fast and she wasn’t ready to give up her newly found autonomy? It’s not like it’s not true. Those in rural settings tended to marry earlier than those in the city and despite Diana living in the country, she might as well live in the city.

Also, keeping the relationship from Anne was never going to last anyway.

My mom and Diana’s parents have the same look when my relatives come to visit.

Thank god Aunt Jo is here to talk some sense into her.

Oh god, this dynamic between Bash and his mom is getting increasingly awkward.

Bash’s insult was a bit below the belt but he had a point. Gilbert sees Bash his equal in every way. Plus, logistically, they’re going on two different avenues in life.

Mathew is just the best, enough said.

Diana’s taking the exam, yay!

The scene outside the testing place is giving me severe flashbacks to when I took my SAT.

I laughed when Mrs. Lynde apologized for saying damn. Lord knows I would be using much stronger words.

“Why would I stay, with people frozen in time?” I hope the writers aren’t hinting at Miss Stacy and Bash getting together. I like them as friends.

Diana thoroughly surprised me by volunteering to take the first shot of moonshine. Hard alcohol and an empty stomach (I’m sure most of them were too nervous to eat anything for breakfast) is a bad combo.

Now would be a good time for Diana and Anne to make up.

I can’t hate Winifred but all I keep thinking is that they’re not the one for one another.

Damn, they have an apartment in Paris, financing, connections and he gave him his blessing, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more appealing offer.

Ruby and Moody are cute.

I love this scene so much. It may be a tad too unrealistic but there’s something so effortless, young and beautiful about it.

The cinematographer deserves a raise. Seriously, Anne looked so beautiful against the fire.

Gilbert’s oversized baker cap make shim appear younger than he is.

Was it a rejection? No, right?? She just vomited out a series of words and restated his options. In addition, HE NEVER OUTRIGHT STATES THAT HE LOVES HER. Besides, you’re too young to get married.

Asking someone to confess their deepest feelings to you whilst they’re tipsy is such a bad idea. It’s as if he didn’t realize the magnitude of asking someone to marry you.

The obvious difference in appearance between Winifred and Anne annoys me immensely. I know they’re only about two years apart but the fact that Anne is still dressed as if she was 14 irks me. I’m not blaming Anne for keeping the same clothes especially since she lives in a rural setting, where fashions are a tad behind, but the lack of change in her appearance, I’m sure factors in her inability to see herself as marriage or courting material. Moreover, it only reinforces the idea that both Anne and Gilbert are only ready for courtship.

The maritime book is back.

Whilst I’m glad that Elijah didn’t steal the ring, I’m still mad about the upcoming proposal.

I’m saying this once again: Thank god for Aunt Jo.

“I feel like I was a child yesterday and I feel like I’m being asked to explain my life on a ticking clock.”-Exactly my sentiments.

Aunt Jo is right, she just needs some time and some clear headspace to sort out her feelings.

“I have clarity.” NO, YOU DON’T. Boy, I swear to god, he’s so thick-skulled.

YOU CANNOT PROPOSE TO WINIFRED BECAUSE ANNE (sort-of) REJECTED YOU! THIS IS NOT THE BACHELOR, I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT THE BACHELOR!

If you’re only proposing to someone because they’re the second choice, that’s not a good enough reason.

If he does propose, I hope Winifred rejects him because she feels that she’s too young/he’s too inexperienced/it’s too soon. I’m assuming, she’s not yet done with college.

I love this scheming Rachel.

“No, no, there’s no need to be hysterical.”-You’ve got to love her.

“Spreading news around town, is my forte”

Not going to lie, I was hoping for something more than a gender balance. I don’t think that was a fair trade-off. At the very least, a gender balance and the restoration of the school and the printing press should have been agreed upon.

Hopefully, the two other female members are Anne/Marilla and Miss Stacy.

KA’KWET IS HOME!! Hopefully for sure.

The reunification scene had me in tears.

“You don’t even like being you”.” -Ain’t that the truth.

Yay Diana and Anne made up!

Hopefully, Anne can convince Diana to clarify her breakup with Jerry. It’s the least she could do.

“I’m in love with Gilbert Blythe!”-YOU CAN’T END WITH THAT!

Final Thoughts:

I hope Winifred and Gilbert break off things before he proposes. A proposal would actually complicate things. Was I the only one surprised that her parents were so willing to let Gilbert propose after knowing her for such a short amount of time?

If does propose and they somehow break up, he better not propose to Anne with that same ring. The light blue stone of that ring, won’t do. I feel like Anne would be someone who likes pearls or emeralds.

What happened to Diana’s empathy during the breakup? Couldn’t she say she doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t want to hurt one another any further?

I really wanted to see Anne comfort Jerry about his first breakup.

Bash and Miss Stacy needs to not be a couple.

I’m so confused about Gilbert’s marriage storyline. On one hand, he’s 18 and of acceptable marriage age. On the other hand, his options are literally: propose to Winifred or confess his feelings to Anne so that he can court her. They’re not of equal weight.

Why does Gilbert see Sorbonne as his only option? He can’t speak French well or at all and most certainly, not at university level. What happened to the University of Toronto, McGill, Dalhousie or Queen's School of Medicine? Fredrick Banting and Charles Best of the Uni. of Toronto were the first to synthesize insulin in 1921.

While I’m glad this episode brought back Ka'kwet, how is her story going to tie back to Anne’s? I don’t want a white savior plot but it seems odd to introduce a storyline that has little to do with the main plot.

Bash and his mom need to have a conversation on race and class ASAP or else it’s going to harm Delphine greatly.

I find it unrealistic that Diana could pass the entrance exam without any studying. They should have started this storyline an episode or two earlier. It would have worked well alongside Diana’s attempt at exploring autonomy storyline. Dating someone of a different socioeconomic class isn’t exactly all that freedom should be.

Finally, I want to petition the writers to put Anne is something besides braids and too-short dresses that come with aprons. The 1985 adaption, they put Anne in a full-on young lady of the 1880’s ensemble by the time she is taking her entrance exam.

#awae #annewithane #awae3x8 #anne of green gables #anne shirley #awaespoilers

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ninjagoat · 6 years ago

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Note on Supergirl 4x02

This week, on the Metaphor For Xenophobia And Racism For White People:

- We return to the themes of episode 3x05, specifically how unfair it is when very, very powerful people have to face consequences for their actions.

- Seriously, it is so TOTALLY unfair how Olivia Marsdin has to resign just because she *checks notes* committed a massive criminal conspiracy to illegally win a presidential election.

- ON TOP OF THIS, it's also a mindshatteringly bad take on the Obama birther conspiracy. The birther story was not racist because it was "unfair" that people from Kenya couldn't be President. The birther story was racist because it assumed that President Obama's election HAD to be the result of a massive criminal conspiracy and not a genuine win MERELY BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK.

- Kara thinks Olivia can say something to get out of this; becasue Kara, being a seasoned journalist that now mentors other journalists, has no idea how laws work. Olivia schools her, which is noble; but it's still skating around the fact that she INTENTIONALLY BROKE THE LAW.

- All of that being said, I've always liked Ms. Carter's performance as Olivia. She's folksy, but tough. If she'd been an alien that had been born on Earth, I'd be fighting for her to stay as well.

- "Ugly is as ugly does; that makes you the ugly one!" This protest scene was written by fucking MILHOUSE.

- And then a fight break out. Because as we all know, security and crowd control are pretty lax on *checks notes* PENNYSYLVANIA AVENUE.

- The DEO interview process is clearly lacking something, because Agent White Dude has some serious prejudices that aren't suitable for the job; and the dude he's arguing with has Kara's level of understanding of the Constitution. Where's Pam when you need her?

- James - having spent the last two years publishing his onw love-letters to a local superhero, who is also himself - suddenly has a big stick up his arse about objectivity in news reporting.

- I maintain that the guy playing Otis is doing Ned Beatty but *serious*, and for that, he has my gratitude.

- I'm sorry? The DEO poisoned the atmosphere with lead? THE DEO? Not Lena Luthor, executing a plan from Lillian Luthor, using an original design by Lex Luthor; in the full knowledge it would likely murder her very recently betrothed and probably really upset her best friend? THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING WITH? (I realise this is just exposition, but it's pretty bad) At least Otis recognises the inherent viciousness of the plan, becuase no-one else has ever mentioned it.

- I would like to note that this is probably the most credit Winn has ever gotten from someone from his own time.

- Apparently, you can just... *buy* black-market Kryptonite? Arguably, the most powerful substances on Earth? The one that's so rare the show tied itself in knots justifying Lena's personally developed synthesis cache of it? ...kay.

- Lena's been working through meal-times. This is usually your five epsiode warning to evacuate the city.

- "Sales for the image inducers have been skyrocketing since the revelation that the President is an alien." This does not actually explain anything, because: a) it's not like Lena builds them herself; that'll be outsourced to China, at a location with safety netting around the roof to stop the workers killing themselves; and b) IT WAS YESTERDAY. WE KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING YESTERDAY. IT WAS THE PREVIOUS EPISODE.

- I get the sense that I'm going to spend time this season complaining about time-scales.

- At least they're keeping Lena's libetarianism consistent. Let's credit them with that. And of course, she's not immediately concerned with the potential collapse of democracy because MONEY.

- I will never cease to be confounded about the complete lack of coffee in the Catco building. I work for a relatively small company, and we have a Starbucks in our canteen.

- Weirder still is how increasingly hard it is to find. We've gone from Noonan's, to a little cart, and now to a *pizza place*. How hard is to find an *actual* coffee place?

- And now it's another Lena Sob Story; because this episode isn't just about the ideological battle between hope and fear, it's also a Lena vs. The World story - not so much an actual story, as a plot mechanism that will result in Lena stating where her character's at right now. It's completely incongruent with the rest of the episode, but never mind.

- Anyway, Mercy was like a big sister to her, but then Mercy and Lex broke up, and Lena never called her. Lena blames Lex for the break-up, but Mercy for the abandonment. So far, typical Lena. Oh, and they agree on some really fucked-up shit.

- "Why can't humans be as powerful as aliens?" Lena is, I'm guessing from this, planning to make metahumans on purpose. I'm certain Lena has read Mary Shelly; but, like many nerds, has completely missed the point.

- Why is Brainy on the L-Corp image inducer network? He built it himself, and did it two episodes before Lena even met him. Did he give her the design? Why is it networked anyway? Why is the hack affecting Brainy first? What is this plan?

- It doesn't fucking matter; this whole thing is so Brainy can be victim to a hate crime as part of the Metaphor For Xenophobia And Racism For White People, and then Nia can step in to help Solve Racism.

- I'm not going to claim to be an expert on women, but I'm pretty sure encouraging total strangers to investigate their personal information is... rare.

- "I'm putting a lockdown on the cloud so no-one can access the system through a computer." This is not how cloud computing works.

- It's at this point we stop the narrative so Nia can explain to one of the most powerful and influential black men that's ever lived that he does, in fact, have a lot of power and influence to make social change. She's Solving Racism!

- "You have another chance to fight for justice now," she says. Back when I was posting on the AV Club forums during season 2, the fact that James DIDN'T KNOW HE COULD DO THIS IN HIS JOB was one of the reasons we were so fucking tired of him already. He's not improved since then.

- We are back on the 'mirror' analogy that first appeared in 3x15, and it's actually quite good. I am, however, reminded of the image of Lena looking at herself in fractured glass at the start of 3x17. Lena's image of who she is has been broken, and cannot simply be repaired.

- I digress. James is worried if he does an editorial, he will seem biased. *sigh* Okay, this is gonna get ranty. Deep breaths, everyone...

- YOU ARE JIMMY OLSEN, SUPERMAN'S PAL. AN ALIEN SAVED YOUR LIFE. AN ALIEN MADE YOUR ENTIRE CAREER. AN ALIEN GAVE YOU A SIGNAL WATCH SO HE COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE SEVERAL MORE TIMES. YOU BECAME SUCH GOOD FRIENDS WITH AN ALIEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND JOKED HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND. YOU DEVOTED SO MUCH TIME TO ALIENS YOUR GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH YOU. *TWICE*. MANY OF YOUR CURRENT FRIENDS ARE ALIENS. YOUR BEST HUMAN FRIEND - who is 'currently' busy cleaning up the mess made by one of your alien friends, helping another one of your alien friends - BRIEFLY FELL IN LOVE WITH AN ALIEN, WHO YOU HUNG OUT WITH. YOU GO TO AN ALIEN BAR SO MUCH YOU'VE FUCKING GENTRIFIED IT. THE SHIP HAS SAILED ON YOU BEING PRO-ALIEN, JIMMY. STOP BEING A MASSIVE WANKER.

- Apparently, the only way to access the Image Inducer network is through the L-Corp mainframe, which is: a) definitely not how cloud-computing works; and b) contradicted by the fact the image inducers are STILL WORKING.

- Mercy designed all of L-Corp's security. Even though they only moved to National City two years ago. Right.

- "This is more innovative and imaginative than even I expected." IT'S AN OFFICE BUILDING WITH BUILT-IN SKYPE. Real imagination would have been REPLACING THE FUCKING SECURITY SYSTEM.

- Why does EVERYTHING have to turn into the Glorification of Lena Luthor?

- Miss Teschmacher getting the doors to close through quick thinking has easily made her the most likeable character on the whole damn show.

- "Reporter's Honour." Okay, Kara; firstly, it's called 'off the record', and the fact that Lena doesn't really feel worried about getting that status from you is pretty much why being such close friends with her is *completely unprofessional*.

- Lena built the Lexosuit. Huh.

- ...

- What?

- She built a suit... described as an "exquisite intrument of death"... with the potential for fighting Superman... as a hobby project? Is that what happened? Or are we just going to gloss over it, like- oh, okay, we are doing that.

- "It's about doing good for the world and clearing the Luthor name." You can't clear the Luthor name, sweetie. They actually did those things. And as far as doing good for the world: that's not a plan; that a GOAL. You really need to give details. Maybe a real journalist can ask you sometime.

- "He told me they were cute and I should make them in pink." One line of dialogue, and the potentially interesting Lena/Lex dynamic has been reduced to the most boring thing imaginable. FFS.

- "I know I'm the best." Oligarch, *please*. I guess it helps that Winn's in another century.

- "You've chosen a side. I'd never do that." WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Please, someone explain.

- No one tell Mercy about that time Lena purposefully overdosed her oldest friend with Kryptonite.

- "The Luthor name doesn't deserve Lena." Why the fuck not, Supergirl? Kryptonite, Lexosuit, thinks you're full of shit; what exactly is the big thing here that separates her from them?

- Also, have you just... *forgotten* about the Kryptonite thing, or...?

- The sheer petty-minded simplicity of the wood-chips in the cup is lending weight to my 'written by Milhouse' theory.

- Huzzah! James has decided to stop being a massive wanker for a bit!

- "It is our duty as journalists to expose the truth." For long-time readers of these posts, THIS SHOW IS TROLLING ME.

- Brainy and Alex get a nice scene as part of the Metaphor For Xenophobia And Racism For White People, but I'm just left wishing we could have had more scenes like this between her and Winn. Where was *nice* Big Sister Alex when he was here?

- Supergirl's speech is lovingly earnest, and *totally unengaged* with any actual issue beyond being nice to each other, and certainly not the one where Olivia INTENTIONALLY BROKE THE LAW. This was a total failure of our institutions, not least of which, THE PRESS, for not vetting her thoroughly enough. The potential for whataboutery is high.

- Okay, for some reason, I thought they'd cast Brent Spiner in this role, not Bruce Boxleitner. Anyway, this casting is a nice bit of nerd symmetry; and makes it almost certain that President Baker is going to be revealed as a wrong'un.

- I've not talked about J'onn much, mainly because he's spent most of the episode walking around aimlessly before he can show up at the Sons of Liberty meeting.

- Agent Liberty has been described in press releases as being almost supernaturally persuasive. The actual execution of this idea is... he's actually engaged with the issue. That's it. The government *was* taken over by aliens. National City *was* attacked by aliens. The press - and I know I did a big rant in favour of this above - *is* pro-alien; and these people know it, regardless of how unbiased James was hoping to appear. It's messy, and Supergirl talking about hope is not going to cut it. It's not going to get these people jobs. It's not going to stop their nightmares. I've seen people compare how he speaks with Trump. This - this scene, at least - is not Trump. Trump isn't engaged with the issues. Trump is the end result of forty years of this shit, long after the tribal boundaries have been set in place. It's never even really mattered what Trump says. They like Trump, because Trump is *their* guy. The definitions of 'Us' and 'Them' have been around since at least the 90s, if not earlier; and Trump just made himself more 'Us' than anyone else did. And Agent Liberty is not doing that. There's an attempt, but the mask keeps him separate from his audience. Mostly, he's just recirculating the fears that they already have - that they have a *right* to have - and then pushing them towards his terrible conclusions. This isn't magic. This is basic oratory. This is the big challenge our heroes face.

- Our heroes are *so screwed*.

#notes #superglue

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texanredrose · 7 years ago

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Dear Diary - July

July 4th- Dear Diary, Father called today. He tried weaseling around the terms of our agreement but I held firm. I know quite well that he doesn’t approve of the fact I’m attending the gala with a date he hasn’t personally vetted but he doesn’t get to have a say in who I include in my life anymore. In the back of my mind, I’m also highly aware he would object to everything about Blake, strictly for his own poor opinions and not because Blake is anything but a stellar individual and a sweet, heartfelt soul. Ultimately, it was foolish of me to talk her into attending the gala without first ensuring she understood the... full situation. The world I knew growing up was so enclosed that the realities of the world at large have yet to truly trickle in, old grudges and outdated views holding firm when they have no good reasons to cling to them except out of vain pride. I’ve made mention of severing ties with Father, but I never told anyone aside from Winter the details. Blake and I are supposed to go for a jog tomorrow morning; I will address it then. I tried calling her but the words caught in my throat and I...

I realize- not for the first time- that Blake is a better friend than I truly deserve. She picked up on my sour mood and turned the conversation away from my family and the gala entirely, pulled me into a discussion about a show I’ve never even heard of but now am interested in seeing. She’s made a claim that I can’t possibly see working in even the most abstract fictional sense and started discourse over the whole debacle, so now I feel compelled to witness for myself to see if my mind changes. We’re having a little watch party at her place on Friday- provided our conversation tomorrow goes well, I suppose- and the reprieve was nice. But I can’t help feeling like going to the gala- although an event I am required to attend- is a huge mistake.

Winter understands- perhaps better than Blake or Ruby ever could. She’s been separated from that world for longer but she knows what’s to come. Everyone will ask about her service, about why it ended, and she won’t lie- we’ve spent far too much of our lives lying to everyone and ourselves. She’ll square her shoulders and tell nothing but the truth with clear pride and from that moment on, everything will be different. From the moment Penny’s brought up, Winter will go from respectable former service member to an irresponsible single mother in their eyes- because staying in a loveless marriage where both of you cheat on the other like most people drink water is somehow the morally righteous avenue in comparison. And that she’s adopted? The circumstances around that adoption? Perish the thought of caring for another person out of something other than blood compelled obligation or financial opportunity. It makes my blood boil.

Even as I’m writing this, Blake’s checking up on me via text. Ruby, too, though she seemed busier nowadays. I know she’s been spending more time with Penny and I’m glad my niece- which... I suppose I haven’t been thinking of her as such until recently, but that is the proper familial relation- is becoming friends with my best friend. It’s... strange, in a way, because even though it’s only Winter and I now as blood relatives... I feel as if I have a bigger, more supportive family now than at any other point in my life.

I know I started this diary with the express intention of chronicling my exasperation with Winter and Yang but... it does feel nice to write the words ‘I feel very loved right now’ in my own handwriting and know that I fully mean them.

And now Yang’s texting me. I guess Blake enlisted everyone’s assistance to cheer me up. I wonder what her response would be if I jokingly referred to her as my future sister-in-law. Jokes of that nature are typically her domain but... well, maybe it takes speaking in a language she understands to get her to notice Winter’s advances.

Regardless, it’s just occurred to me that I do have quite an extensive support network and I should set up contingencies. In the event Blake still wants to attend the gala with me, I should have a back-up plan; I think I’ll reach out to Pyrrha, see if she’s free that evening and could stay in the area if a hasty exit is required. Winter and I may be mandated to remain at the event but, if either Blake or Yang begin feeling uncomfortable- I don’t see the latter missing out on anything falling within the classical definition of a ‘party’ but Winter seems adamant- they can leave at any time they wish.

I already envy them that freedom.

July 5th- Dear Diary, Again, I find myself a bit amazed. Blake possesses a very intricate understanding of the worst case scenario and she seemed rather blasé about the whole thing. I don’t believe for a second she’s that confident in facing those stuffy morons at the gala- I can see in her eyes how she wants to balk and run- but she’s going to try and I’ll always admire her courage to try when every instinct screams at her otherwise. Also, our jog went a bit... longer than either of us expected; we both forgot the initial limit we’d set and just... kept running. Our conversation took so many turns- I actually find myself looking forward to the possibility that someone might incense her enough to pull a passionate rant from her mid gala. It would be glorious to witness and being able to say she’s my date to all the stupefied morons? Priceless.

Also, my conversation with Yang last night drew on a bit longer and I... was reminded of a few things. I sometimes forget that she plays her cards so close to the vest, to use a phrase, and hides her turmoil behind a mask of support. I suppose effectively raising Ruby on her own had some bearing on the way she always seems to keep her troubles to herself rather than ‘burden’ her friends with such thoughts, but that’s what we’re here for, damnit, and I’ll not stand idly by when something is bothering my friend and potential future sister-in-law.

After a lot of work, I managed to ferret the issue out of her. It seems she’s a bit intimidated about the gala. While she’s promised to dial back her puns and brash demeanor, she worries she’ll embarrass either myself or Winter, and while her heart’s in the right place, neither of us are worried about such. I tried to assure her of that but I’m quite certain my words fell on deaf ears; I forget, also, that she’s not as confident in herself as many believe. A cocky strut and a large smile can fool many but her vulnerabilities are there, if one looks close enough. On the upside, it provided a perfect opportunity to provide her Winter’s number, if only so she could see for herself that Winter has utmost confidence in her. That seemed to lift her spirits but, as of yet, she hasn’t reached out to Winter.

I swear, these two will be the death of me.

July 9th- Dear Diary, I spoke to Pyrrha and it turns out she and Nora have plans the night of the gala to see a movie. The theatre isn’t too far from the museum, so they’ll be in the area and happy to provide their assistance. Well, I’m not so sure about the ‘happy’ part; Nora didn’t seem entirely enthused but Pyrrha managed to talk her into it. Not sure what’s going on with those two but they’ve certainly been hanging around each other more often as of late. Probably a good thing; Pyrrha could use a little of Nora’s effortless ability to relax and just be goofy while Nora could certainly use a lesson or two in conducting herself according to... well, common decency. I swear, half the time, I think she purposefully ignores well established etiquette just to see how many people she can rile up, but she means well. I think.

At any rate, this secures Yang and Blake a back-up plan in the event things go south. Another round of assurances have occurred in the past day, going every which way- and I mean that literally.

Winter has talked to me, promised to intervene if Father gets up to his usual tricks, which he no doubt will, and I assured her that I’d rather he do his best to tear us both down rather than just one of us suffer the consequences. I think it helps ease her mind that I’m willing to stand beside her, knowing quite well the hell we’re going to be walking into, but we both broke free of that world. If we must return, it won’t be alone. Funny, to think there was a time I envied her so greatly, I refused to talk to her. I suppose children aren’t the best equipped to handle the figurative minefields we navigated in our youth. It’s nice to think that she’s on my side, firmly; that we have each other’s backs. I think... I think one of these days, I should apologize for holding so much against her without saying a word...

Anyway, after ensuring that we were on the same page, we then had to deal with Yang and Blake. I’m not sure which of us had it harder, to be frank. I opted to try again explaining to Blake the sort of environment she’ll be walking into... it brought a considerable amount of shame to my heart to admit how awful these people are, and how I aspired to be exactly like them at one point in my life. Although I never said as much, I think she might’ve picked up on my fears that I’m truly no better, and she... well, did her usual Blake thing and offered for us to show up at the gala and then immediately run away, find a nice ice cream parlour, and settle down for a treat. While I’m not sure if her advocacy for avoiding the whole thing came from jest or seriousness, it made me laugh, because I honestly think it would be a much better way to spend an evening. Ice cream with a dear friend beats sitting in my apartment watching reruns and doing paperwork, anyway, and I do so enjoy her company. Alas, that seemed to be the extent of her concern regarding the events, and she’s steadfast in her courage to handle the whole ordeal with that quiet little smile of hers. I’ve recently begun to think how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends, and Blake comes in very high on that list.

However, by bringing it up again, it seems I unintentionally gave Blake the idea that I might want to take someone else instead. Preposterous, mind- no one else can read Yang half as well, aside from Ruby, and I’ll not be bringing that miniature tornado anywhere near these morons for fear she’ll either become embarrassed or challenged, neither of which would end well for all parties involved- and it took a fair amount of time to convince her otherwise. Truthfully, I can’t imagine bringing anyone else with me, not only to keep an eye on Winter and Yang but because I don’t think I’d want to have anyone else at my side when the vultures begin to circle. Blake’s seen... well ‘my worst’ is a bit misleading, since I’d like to think I’d grown a bit by the time we met, but certainly not my best. She’s seen the ugly side, the part I’m still trying to weed out from my soul, and knowing that I’m walking back into the garden where it grows wild- again I find myself questioning if this is the right decision to make. But that’s what the back-up plan is for, I must remember that. I’m a Schnee and I plan for every eventuality.

Anyway, setting aside the myriad of thoughts pinging around my head regarding this ridiculous gala, there’s what little I’ve gleaned about the communications between Yang and Winter, from the four most reliable sources.

From Winter’s perspective, she’s done everything she can to assure Yang that her presence is not only wanted but welcomed, and that anyone who makes her feel otherwise will be ‘dealt with’- a fine, empty threat at first, but there are times when I see a look come into Winter’s eyes I haven’t seen since her days in the military, and I’m not so sure ‘empty’ is the proper word. Of course she wouldn’t hold it against Yang if she didn’t want to go- really, neither of us could- but welcomed the company, and supposedly she admitted that she’s looking forward to seeing Yang in her dress again. It's both strange and fascinating to watch how quickly those jagged, rough edges from our childhood and beyond are melted away when Winter talks about Yang. I think 'smitten' is putting it lightly; I don't doubt Winter would fight the whole Atlesian army with one arm behind her back if Yang asked her to, and she'd do it with a smile. It's actually adorable and I never thought that would be an apt description for my little sister.

From Yang's take, I'm beginning to think this attraction goes much deeper for her. Not to say Winter's interest is purely superficial but it suddenly occurred to me that Yang never really showed much hesitation entering romantic relationships before or flirting with whoever caught her eye. She's dated before- and run the gambit as far as potential partners go- but the prospect of asking someone out or being asked out always seemed like no big deal. It might happen, it might not, but she didn't seem to concern herself with the outcome a great deal. Now, though? I swear, it's like she's worried the world might end if she makes the wrong move. Suddenly, every little thing she does matters, and it's stressing her out. On the one hand, I worry for my friend's health; it can't be good for her to continue worrying about how things might go. On the other... I'm a bit relieved she's taking this so seriously. Winter's rarely, if ever, spoken to me about her romantic leanings, seeing as the intimate nature of the conversation calls for... well, a closer relationship than we'd had for a few years. Now that we're actually talking about these little details, I can tell how serious she is about pursuing Yang, and knowing that an equal amount of care and consideration is being taken the other way around comforts me. However, Yang's sudden obtuseness and refusal to believe what's clear, plain as day in front of her face is vexing to the utmost degree.

Ruby's helped shed light on that. Apparently, I'm not in possession of all the facts regarding the sisters' upbringing. After Ruby's mother passed and Yang took over Ruby's care, their father shut down. I'd gleaned as much from their comments regarding their home life but I'd perhaps misjudged the duration; it seems quite clear that their father is still very upset over Yang's mother leaving him, as if he never truly healed from that loss even after all these years. In the back of their minds, the sisters have always wondered about the relationship between their father and Ruby's mother- if it was genuine love or merely a terrible coping mechanism- and that has made both of them reluctant to pursue anything serious in the romance department. It might be a fear of turning out like her mother holding Yang back or perhaps even taking after her father and falling into a deep depression if the relationship were to fail. Ruby's convinced it's just a phase, that Yang just needs a little more time before she'll come to the obvious conclusion that, yes, she likes Winter just as much as Winter likes her and they should give dating a chance.

The final bit of the puzzle is Penny, surprisingly enough. We talked a bit when I drove her over to Ruby's apartment, and she was very open and honest about how Winter's been acting when she thinks no one is looking. Penny hasn't expressed concern, per se, but she's noted that Winter will sometimes be caught up in her own thoughts, humming the tune to some high tempo song, though she usually frowns when she notices that's what she's doing, and often appears contemplative before resuming her humming. When I asked her what sort of songs Winter hums, she informed me rather bluntly that they're the kind Yang listens to- driving rock ballads with brash vocals. I'm not entirely sure what Winter does and doesn't tell Penny, so I opted to leave it at a comment on how I didn't think her musical tastes tended that way. At which point, Penny rather bluntly informed me that Winter had started listening to that sort of music because Yang did, and that probably had something to do with why she would frown from time to time about it; it probably made her think of Yang and miss her, because they don't spend nearly as much time together as Penny spends with Ruby or I spend with Blake.

Ultimately, the only logical conclusion I can draw is that I need to engineer more opportunities for Winter and Yang to interact, to help both of them get over themselves. Hopefully, with the gala just two short weeks away, I can provide plenty of excuses for just that. I'm sure they can sort through their respective issues together, in time. Absolutely.

July 10th- Dear Diary, I've orchestrated two more small gatherings. My intent is to have Blake assist me in providing Winter and Yang with plenty of one-on-one time. We'll see how it goes. Here's hoping for the best!

7 - 12

I. I gotta write this down. Fifty years from now, when I’m old and grey and can’t remember my name, I want to remember THIS NIGHT. Holy shit. Where do I start?

So, Weiss called me up a couple days ago saying she wanted to have a “game night” with Blake, Winter, and me- which, for one, surprising she didn’t invite Ruby, but Rubes is hanging with Penny so I GUESS I understand it, but even so- and I was like, sure, I’m game (I’m hilarious). Well, we get there tonight, and wouldn’t you know it, little Miss Frosty thought it would be a good idea to bust out Remnant: The Game. I INTRODUCED HER to this thing and she thinks she can beat me? AND she doesn’t bother inviting Ruby, the only person to give me hell over the years? Oh, it’s ON.

But it goes way beyond that. Because GUESS WHO starts off the night by mentioning how we’re all tragically at a disadvantage? Winter. Because of course the woman who served time in the military things she’d got the chops to play against ME.

So now I’ve already got my list of priority targets and a plan: put Blake between me and Winter, let them duke it out while I eliminate Weiss (safest bet since she always charges into a battle and never reinforces her back line) and then sweep Blake away in time to DESTROY Winter. It’s a matter of pride at this point; I ain’t gonna make it easy for her to use whatever tactical insight she might have over me to her advantage! I’ll go toe-to-toe with her at the end but I’m not about to get knocked down early!

The first few turns go exactly like I expect. Blake picks Menagerie (which, by the way, props to Weiss for getting the expansion, I really wish they’d include Menagerie in the base game) and Weiss goes for Mantle. I’ve got Vale and Winter picks Mistral- and I gotta ask her at some point to tell me some stories from there. She talks about it pretty fondly and soldiers get up to all sorts of mischief I can only dream of; she’s gotta have a few good ones. Anyway, I leave just enough of a weak point that Blake can’t resist cutting me off from Menagerie, but it also puts her squarely between me and Winter, so check THAT box. Meanwhile, I poked Weiss over in Mantle and she’s ready to make me pay. I’ve got enough good cards from my first few hands, so I’m building up my defenses in preparation for my strike.

And then Winter, this beautiful, wonderful, ridiculous woman sees RIGHT THROUGH ME and back doors her way into Vacuo, decimating the NPC defenses to establish a stronghold, completely letting Blake control the trade routes.

So, at this point, I’m impressed! But it takes more than that to beat YANG XIAO LONG at her own game!

The next few turns are pretty standard- except, like, Blake and Weiss started... HARDCORE FLIRTING. I’m not even kidding; I never thought I’d see ONE person I could describe as “thirsty as fuck but classy about it” much less TWO, but here I am, sitting front row to the “Weiss and Blake need to get a room wow” show. Winter didn’t seem to notice but, hey, I got EYES for this sort of stuff, I know when my friends are pining, and I sure AS HELL know when they REALLY want to make the first move but they’re too chicken shit. I decided to let them keep flirting; honestly, as long as they’re preoccupied with each other, they’re not giving me ABSOLUTE HELL which is pretty necessary after a few bad hands and a shit dice roll. Luckily, I’ve adjusted my defenses, so I’m ready if Winter strikes, but I think I’ll have to do the pragmatic thing and take Weiss out first. Between the two of them, Weiss is more likely to help her sis out even in a game, and I can’t fight a war on two fronts and succeed at this stage.

Then comes the moment of truth; I’ve just duked it out with Blake and we’re both weak, weak enough that Weiss COULD over extend and nearly wipe one of us from the board, and it’s an opportunity she’s NEVER passed up before. I’m ready to start cursing when Weiss goes AND ROUTS BLAKE! Like, it was BRUTAL! She ran herself thread bare just trying to reach the furthest spot BUT SHE DID IT. In one turn, Blake’s lost every territory she had, and she’s out of the game.

But then it’s MY turn, and I hit on the three cards I needed, and Weiss spread herself WAY too thin. I’m in awe at my luck. I proceeded to absolutely STEAMROLL Weiss off the map, eliminating TWO PLAYERS in ONE TURN. Like. I’ve been playing this game FOR YEARS and I’ve never seen that!

So now it’s down to me and Winter. I honestly lost track of where Blake and Weiss went after that turn; they might’ve gone to the living room or something, I don’t know, because I am FOCUSED. Winter’s got a solid hold on Mistral and Vacuo, but I’ve got Menagerie, Mantle, AND Vale. Downside: I’m stretched thin. Not thin enough for me to be worried, but I know I’ll need to commit to a front. Winter’s pretty strong, all things considered, and I can’t bank on my perks to carry the game; I know I’ve only got two turns max before Winter’s gonna to cut through my lines like a hot knife through butter and wreck all my perks AND my supply lines.

And that was when I saw it. A side of Winter I hadn’t seen before. I got to see SOLDIER Winter, OFFICER Winter, the woman who’d held lives in her hands and made the tough calls and had to find a way to sleep at night with them.

Let me just say: I’ve never seen anything hotter. The pure focus, the grim determination, just how serious she was taking it- I might know that this is just a board game but I could see in her eyes that the miniatures on the board represented more than just plastic to her. For all the strength in her posture as she looked down at the game, I could see the cracks. Winter had only attacked the NPCs in Vacuo, which are almost impossible to NOT beat; now she’d be facing off against me, and it would be harder to come out of the fights without casualties.

And- she was RELUCTANT. Beneath the confidence and pride, there was a vulnerability. She didn’t want to lose, yeah, but more than that she didn’t want to lose her troops. Winter... she CARED. About the little plastic figures, she really did, and when I pointed out as much, she brushed it off, but I could still see it. The way she picked up the dice like they were toxic and how she steeled her nerves.

When she looked at me right then, I was SO FUCKING GLAD I was sitting down because HOLY SHIT my knees went weak. This is a woman with cold fire in her veins, at once not wanting to burn but ready to incinerate, ready to do what she must but also obviously wishing she had another option.

And suddenly, I GOT IT. Like, it all made sense- how she’d had a rough relationship with Weiss when they were younger, how the military helped her see the error of her ways, her attempts to reconnect with Weiss- everything about Winter clicked into place at that moment. She’s always seen herself as someone who wanted to do something, something more, but couldn’t find a way to accomplish it. So instead, she became devastatingly good at the things she NEVER WANTED TO DO. And now she’s at a point where she CAN go those other routes but SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW! But she’s tryin anyway, and that- I can’t even think of the words but it just, it gets me? Like, deep in my soul, I just resonate with that so much, with that burning desire to try even when you don’t know, to stumble through, but I at least am willing to fall flat on my face. Winter isn’t, at least not yet, but I think she just needs someone to show her it’s okay to stumble. Someone’s gonna be there to catch you.

So before we really got into it, I pointed out that it was really late and I have work early in the morning- which, for the record, isn’t a lie! I do have the early shift tomorrow! Then I suggested we call it a draw.

I’ve never seen anyone agree with me so quickly. Or look so relieved. I don’t think we should play Remnant: The Game again anytime soon; it’s obviously still too soon for Winter to be really entertaining stuff like that. But, damn, for what I saw tonight?

If I wasn’t already crushing so hard, I’d be worried my poor little heart would give out on me. There’s so many layers to her and every little peek just makes me want to see more! Weiss also invited us to a movie night later in the week; I’m dyin’ already to get to it!

I honestly didn’t think I could get this bad. And we’ve got that fancy party coming up! I wish I could bottle up this feeling and pull it out on rainy days. Nothing’s bringing me down any time soon!

20170715

I find myself motivated, putting pen to paper again, though for a much different reason than last time. I hope that looking back on my words might provide me with some sort of insight because, at present, I find myself too entirely possessed of a number of emotions to even begin processing them all.

Earlier this week, Weiss invited me to a game night, which seemed such a mundane and normal part of civilian life that I admittedly jumped at the opportunity. Little did I know, Yang would also be present, as well as Blake- the latter is a rather interesting character and seemed a touch intimidated when we spoke, though I’m not sure why. I’ll investigate more into that matter at a later point.

Anyway, throughout the game- a military strategy game; I should’ve expected such from my sister, rather than cards- I found myself consistently losing focus. I shouldn’t have chosen Mistral as a starting point. It made ascribing names to the figurines under my command far too easy, and with Terry’s recent transfer to Vacuo, I set myself up for a rather trying time.

And I think... no, I’m sure Yang picked up on that. She’s perceptive- and clever, trying to set me up to take out Blake while she focused on Weiss, but that’s another matter- and she called an early end to the game before things got out of hand.

Now, I’m recently returned from a movie night among the same company and I’m... conflicted. It occurs to me that Yang is friendly, overtly so, and that her actions might just be those of a concerned acquaintance with perhaps a little first hand knowledge of the trials I face. But I find myself wanting to take them as something different, as a prospective partner trying to be supportive. It’s not fair to either of us, perhaps, but I can’t seem to stop myself from doing it.

I honestly can’t recall much of the movie. I’m sure Weiss meant well, opting for a storyline with action, but the military setting... it reminded me too much of the life I’ve left behind. The fact it was a “historical” representation of one of Atlas’ most famous battles also chaffed me raw; significant license was taken in many regards, and each inconsistency piled upon each other until I was fidgeting more than I was still.

But Yang noticed and put a hand on my arm, talked quietly so I had something else to focus on during the hard-to-watch scenes. She’s such an open and caring individual; I truly doubt I’ve ever done anything worthy of her presence in my life. Even as just a friend, I am more than grateful for her.

And I had the opportunity to repay the favor. I suppose I’m the only one she feels confident speaking with regarding her birth mother; she mentioned having a solid lead on a location for her again and a few of the reasons she can’t pursue it immediately. Although Blake seemed to be of a mind that she should leave the past alone, I encouraged her to seek her own closure. I even offered to accompany her.

I’m not entirely sure she’ll take me up on the offer but I believe I saw Yang’s eyes light up, shine in a manner that I’ve rarely seen. I assured her I would be able to get the time off from work with no trouble and that Penny can always stay with a friend while I’m gone.

I don’t know what possessed me to say all that, to make the offer in the first place- I’m not sure if I can actually get the time off or if I’d be comfortable leaving Penny alone. She’s improving by leaps and bounds since she met Ruby- and she’s apparently made new friends in a Pyrrha and Nora, who appear to be other friends of Ruby’s, and Weiss seems familiar enough to not be concerned- but I still feel confident I’d stand by the offer were she to take me up on it.

I’m a woman of meticulous planning. I calculated every step, even when unexpected obstacles appeared. My plans might’ve changed vastly in the past few years but that doesn’t mitigate the work I put into making those plans to begin with.

So how could I be moved to something so rash as a trip to the border? It would be at least a day’s journey by airship, perhaps warranting an overnight stay, and if Yang had said she was leaving tomorrow morning, I’d be packing a bag rather than writing all this out.

I fear that my feelings for Yang are getting the better of my judgment. More, I’m quite certain nothing ill will come of it, and for someone who sees the danger in everything, I’m aware enough to realize I may be making a grave mistake.

But this isn’t nearly as serious as I’m making it out to be, is it? Romantic entanglements, regardless of intensity or brevity, are ultimately a surmountable challenge, a wound that can heal with time if things go awry.

What I mean is: I think my affections for Yang may go deeper than I initially thought. And even if I’m destined for heartache... I think I’m okay with that.

I’m obviously not in my right mind. I’ll not be confessing my undying love anytime soon, of course.

But I will be packing an ‘A’ bag tonight. If Yang wants to go, I will support her, and I’ll be ready to support her if she opts to go alone.

More and more of my plans are involving Yang. So, too, do they involve Weiss and Penny.

Is this what it’s like to have a family?

July 19, 2017

This is just a post to say that I am extremely nervous Because it’s two days until the party and while Fire and Ice are dancing around each other even more than before, I’m also going with Princess, and she’s been unbearably sweet the last few weeks? I’m not even sure what’s going on anymore???

Even though she absolutely destroyed me in a board game last week. Like, absolutely wrecked me. But she wrecks me every time she smiles at me, so I guess it’s no surprise there!

Anyway, I might be scarce the next few days. Enjoy the queue in the meantime.

July 21st- Dear Diary, This is perhaps premature, but I’m about to finish my preparations for the gala. I’ve been texting Blake and it seems like she’s battling a last minute bout of nerves; she offered for us to run off to a movie theatre if I’d rather not have ice cream. I suppose that means our movie nights and little watch parties are rather enjoyable for her.

I hope tonight goes well. I think it’s rather apparent that Yang and Winter are getting closer; they seem to be confiding in each other more. Only a few more nudges and they’ll be together, I’m sure of it!

P.S. ... it’s too early to tell if this was a massive mistake or the best thing that could’ve happened. I think we all learned a lesson tonight... I also need to treat Blake to a dinner... and do something for Pyrrha and Nora...

Personally? I think I’m inclined to count tonight as a win regardless. But I should contact some lawyers just in case.

7 - 21

LET THE RECORD SHOW.

I FUCKED UP.

I REALLY FUCKED UP.

20170721

When I found Penny, I learned what the phrase ‘mother’s intuition’ truly meant.

When I finally reached out to Weiss, I learned what the phrase ‘unconditional love’ truly meant.

Today, I learned what the phrase ‘I am living’ meant, because there is no more apt a descriptor for this sensation.

I’m calling Yang first thing tomorrow morning. I’d hate for her to think I might be cross about the whole debacle. To be frank, I can’t stop smiling, even as I pen this. I will relish the look on Father’s face until my death bed, and even after.

And I need to thank Weiss for making this all possible.

Right now, I’m going to drink a glass of wine to celebrate.

July 21, 2017

... I’m going to eventually make a longer post about tonight (yep, the party, just got back, though ‘escaped’ might be the better term) and you know... in my free time, I come up with as much fictional content as my fingers can produce... and if I’d read a description of tonight, I’d leave a comment about how the suspension of disbelief is a very real thing and the events portrayed completely destroyed it... but here I am, having seen with my own eyes... and I have to say...

... truth really is stranger than fiction.

July 22, 2017

Who wants the dirty details on last night? Check below the cut.

I just have to get this out. I swear, on all the fanfic I’ve ever produced, that what I’m about to describe actually happened. I know none of you are going to be inclined to believe it though. I’m still not sure I do.

So Princess’ party, the one where I was basically there to help babysit Ice and Fire. It was at this museum- because I guess that’s what the upper echelons of society think is cool, just milling around surrounded by ‘interesting’ things to make up for their emptiness; I might be a little bitter- but we arrived in grand style. Limousine, Princess escorting me while Ice escorted Fire, glasses of champagne and insincere inquiries into our health and such- if I believed for one second any of it was real, I might’ve been charmed. For all the boring small talk, standing beside Princess... I’m forced to admit there was a certain romantic quality to it.

Okay, before I go into the other stuff, allow me to gush first. Princess... I suppose it would be rather accurate to say I adopted the moniker for her at first to mock her. Then, it became something of a joke- a lighthearted tease. But last night, I swear, I am entirely sincere when I say she looked like a Princess. I could wax poetic about this for a while but I’ll try to tone my gay down a little. I dunno what it was but seeing her in such formal attire... the only regret I have is that she wore more makeup than usual. I’m not against a little foundation of course- and I... probably go a little overboard on the eyeliner and eye shadow- but it covered up her scar. Honestly, I think that is the one thing that encouraged me to get to know her, above all else; it hinted at something much deeper than what I took at face value. Aside from that, she just... carried herself differently. Regally, almost. I’ll admit, I prefer when she’s relaxed and casual- as much as she gets, anyway- but... I definitely see the appeal of her more formal posture. And, yes, for all those who asked: we did get to dance and I didn’t fall flat on my face. I mean, we spent most of it talking about Ice and Fire but... I noticed she danced much closer to me than Fire did when she was teaching me. And she felt so comfortable with me, like she was really enjoying it. That part? I couldn’t write something that magical.

Anyway, about an hour in, everyone’s moved past the polite part and the gossip machine is starting up. I think the whole cataclysm of events started with someone making a snide remark to Ice about her somewhat recent adoption of a child she’d found (I’ll admit I don’t have all the details but from what I understand it was an important turning point in Ice’s life that steered her back towards Princess and repairing their relationship as sisters) and that got Fire going. I may complain about her propensity to make puns and lewd jokes, but there’s this other side to it that people don’t really acknowledge much. You have to be extremely well versed in conversation and language to not only make those sort of jokes but to steer others into creating opportunities for you to do so; the people who best utilize it are also the ones who tend to make more puns and innuendos than any other, because they’re constantly aware of what’s being said and what lies beneath what’s being said. (A skill I am woefully lacking in, despite what you all might think; I’m certain there’s a sex joke in there that I can quite articulate but Fire certainly could. Without blushing.) With an opening created- and something of a single mother herself, considering her family- Fire went off in the classiest way, with the sweetest smile and keeping a tight lid on her anger. At first, at least.

And then Princess’ father decided to join the conversation. I’ll have tea with the devil before I subject myself to his company again. Honestly, after meeting him myself, it’s an absolute wonder anyone connected to him could have a scrap of a soul, with as black as his is. I’m just going to refer to him as Douchebag McMustache for the rest of this- I don’t really care about how long that is; the accuracy is more important to me. (And I did say it to his face, so it’s not like I’m being duplicitous.)

After Douchebag McMustache butts in, things start getting tense. Princess and Ice are cold towards him- and I mean below absolute zero. I’ve never seen either of them just... wall themselves off like that. It was terrifying, if I’m honest, because it didn’t sound the least bit like they weren’t used to it. I’m fairly certain that’s how they must’ve been for most of their lives, to everyone. Just... cold, biting, and bitter. Icebergs lingering in the dark, adrift at sea.

By that point, I... well, I was getting mad. Every word, every movement he made, all he did was cut down their accomplishments and make light of their triumphs. And all these mindless, rich, stuck up assholes just chortled right along with him, encouraging him even more to continue dragging them through the mud. I think it was when he pointed out Princess’ scar, how it must be so difficult for her to find a ‘respectable date’ given such a ‘horrific deformity’ that I snapped.

So, I did what any sane person would do in that situation. Douchebag McMustache is the CEO of a large corporation. I proceeded to list off every setback, every public affairs disaster, every little shred of doubt that might make an investor a bit nervous. And then I used his own words about me against him. He’s a racist bastard- that much I’d already known- but he decided to go the standard route of implying I must be of subpar intelligence purely because of the ears on my head. So, obviously, if someone as dumb as me can see how terribly the company is being managed, how their profits will be taking a sharp dive soon, how his ability to contain situations is severely lacking, then it’s bound to be known by the public, and then I proceeded to cite every single article and report to back up everything I’d said. I did my research before walking into that lion’s den; it took a few all nighters, but I have more than enough shade to throw on anyone who might’ve tried trading verbal barbs with me. When he accused me of trying to undermine the trust others might have in him, I admitted that I intended nothing of the sort. I just wouldn’t want to have any of my money tied up with him when those stock prices start falling, is all.

Because that’s how you get the attention of people like this. Physical harm, emotional scaring, environmental concerns- that doesn’t shake them, but mention how that pocketbook of theirs might suffer? Now you’ve got them by the balls.

I expected to get a few snide comments, some side looks, and maybe even a threat or two. I was ready for that. I don’t think Princess was- my reaction, at least, if nothing else- but... maybe it’s my optimism talking, but I swear, I think Weiss absolutely supported every word that came out of my mouth. You should’ve seen the way she looked at me then; it was more than gratitude it was... almost admiration? Perhaps something softer? The part of me that just wants to tell her that I might be falling in love with her wants to say that it was adoration and pride, but I think that’s reaching a bit too far.

Anyway, the moment it became obvious that the other guests were discreetly checking the articles themselves- and maybe even making arrangements to sell off their stocks- is when things really got out of hand. Douchebag McMustache doesn’t have the same calm, cold, steely resolve as his daughters; he got angry, and he said something absolutely disgusting that I won’t repeat. The basic gist: not only did he grievously insult his daughters, and their mother, but every woman out there, so add ‘misogynist’ to the list of ‘reasons this man is an absolute asshole’.

Now, one thing you must understand about Fire: she’s an extremely intelligent woman. She hides it sometimes beneath jokes and charm, but she’s keen. However, when it comes to almost anything, she’s more prone to acting on instinct and using her strength to her advantage.

So she absolutely walked straight up to Douchebag McMustache and said something to him- it was so low, not even I could pick it up. Whatever it was, it prompted him to take a swing at her.

And that was when he fucked up.

She decked him. Straight to the face, didn’t hold anything back, absolutely decked him. I heard the nose crunch and everything, watched him go flying back.

I’d like to say we stayed there and turned the whole party into a brawl. I’d really like to say that. But Ice immediately reacted, rushed over to Fire and told her to grab me and get the hell out of there. Which we did, because Princess is nothing less than thorough; she’d had an escape plan in place since the beginning.

After we got picked up and whisked away, Fire... well... I think it hit her pretty hard that she just laid out the father of her crush. Don’t get me wrong! I really didn’t think Ice was upset with her over it last night, told her as much, and she called this morning to confirm as much! But, ya know. I’ve mentioned Fire’s always been concerned about having an anger management problem and things like this make her worried that she’s, I dunno, turning into some red eyed rage monster or something.

I haven’t talked to Princess yet. I figure she’s going to be way too concerned about Ice and Fire to really

Well, speak of the devil. She’s calling me now. I’ll give all of you an update at some point.

July 22, 2017

I said I’d give you an update and here it is, fresh off the presses: I am very gay.

That is all. Stay tuned for more of me flailing while trying not to crush on my friend.

#TRR writes #Elderburn #Monochrome #Dear Diary Fanfic #all the guesses/comments regarding the secret ship give me life

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