#also this is clearly by no means a fully flashed out analysis

[a-slut-for-vegaspete]

Playboyy – Porn without Plot?

Initial Thoughts on/ Reaction to Playboyy Episode One

As someone who loves to study (quite literally; I’m currently pursuing a MA degree in cultural studies) and investigate depictions of sex and sexuality in media, Playboyy has been one of my most anticipated releases of 2023 and it’s easier for me to work through my issues with a piece of media when I put my thoughts on paper or in a word document; so this post is primarily for myself.

Sex is sometimes presented as a personal, individual matter but in reality, our thoughts on sex, our dislikes and likes are a product or, at the very least, are shaped by, and of course in term can also influence, existing, dominant discourses on sex(uality), gender, class, race etc. One example of this – one most BL viewers/ queer individuals will recognise  – would of course be sex between queer individuals; an issue that remains highly debated. Some people/governments to this day like to think that they have the right to dictate who is allowed to have sex with whom and what sexual practices people can engage in without facing societal/legal punishment. So sex is never just about sex but is always also political; it’s just that this is more obvious to people who are part of a (or multiple) marginalised group(s). Sex is an entangled, complex phenomenon that always needs to be understood in relation to other discourses on e.g. (normative) femininity/masculinity, national identity etc. So any sexual act (on screen/irl), whether intended or not, engages with these discourses, subverts them and/or reaffirms them.

Regardless of whether the creators of Playboyy – or any piece of media for that matter – have meant for this series to serve as a critique or subversion of certain ideas surrounding sex and sexuality, the series (un)intentionally presents us with certain performances of sex and in doing so adds to, intervenes in and shapes existing discourses on sexuality and influences how topics such as kink, queerness, sex work (to name a few) are understood and talked about. 

Since only one episode has been released so far, and since I don't know what goes on in the writers’ minds, I, of course, can’t say for certain whether Playboyy is intended to engage with the political and social aspects of sex. However, I do think that Denice’s Twitter accounts (he is one of the writers (@ VivienneActing)) can provide us with insights into the writers’ intentions behind creating this show. In addition, the opening scene of episode one makes it clear that this piece of media, in some capacity at least, serves as a social commentary on the construction of sexual practices and sexual identities (in Thailand). The viewer is seemingly directly addressed, questions regarding sex are posed and the statement that “sex has many forms and careers in many places with many preferences” is made, which leads me to think that the creators have thought about and want the audience to critically think about how sex is often presented and talked about within dominant discourses. The character goes on to say that “it would be great if we could stop faking it and be frank about it”, which implies that the way we currently talk about sex is dissatisfactory to the character in the show/the creators of the show and that this series intends to present their own – potentially non-normative – views on sex. Especially the comment that “it’s a shame that we can’t be that free in this country” functions as a critique of how sex and the sex industry are frequently conceptualised in Thailand. (And when I say ‘Thailand’ here I of course don’t mean the entire country; I’m specifically referring to people/institutions/political parties that uphold and propagate conservative beliefs on and attitudes regarding sex. And I think this is the part of Thailand the series is critical of here as well).

However, I also don’t want to place too much importance on the intentions of the creators (in part, bc as I have said before, unless we are told specifically we can only speculate about their motives). I for one am also very interested in how I myself (and other viewers) read and interpret the narratives the series presents us with.

Little disclaimer: I watched episode 1 last night, half asleep, I don’t have the best memory and since the story has literally just begun (and there are so many ways this could pan out), my stance on these issues will probably change with the release of future episodes. So my ramblings have their limitations. In addition, I’ve grown up in the West, which influences how I conceptualise sex(uality) and gender; which is definitely something to be wary of and to be critical of, as well. 

As of right now, I’m the most intrigued by Zouey and by how he navigates sex and how he expresses himself sexually. What I find so interesting about his character is his non-normative approach to sex. While he is introduced as someone who apparently hasn't slept with anyone yet, we also see that he has sexual needs and desires. I love that the show does not limit sexual expression to intimate relations between two or more people but also showcases the possibility of exploring it on your own. 

I’m fascinated by people’s initial reactions to Zouey and what people make of his character; in particular people’s thoughts on the scene where he is in a dark room masturbating to a painting. I do wonder how much the colour grading (quite dark and gloomy) and the music (somewhat ominous) might influence or shape viewers’ perceptions of this scene and their conceptualisation of Zouey, and more broadly speaking their reception of expressions of non-normative sexual acts (in media).

The way Zoey negotiates his boundaries regarding sex is so interesting to me, as he clearly feels sexual attraction but does not feel comfortable being touched sexually. (I do wonder if there is a reason for this. Not saying that there needs to be a particular reason; I’m genuinely just curious if we might find out more in future episodes). I personally love how that doesn’t stop him from blowing Teena (twice if I remember correctly). I think his performance disrupts the normative script of sex, (or one of the normative scripts. To say that there is only one normative way to have sex would be incorrect I guess). He definitely doesn't adhere to this script/these scripts, and this seems to have created discomfort/confusion for some viewers, while others seem to really appreciate it. 

Also a little side note: the way Zouey does or doesn’t have sex can also lead us to posing the question of what counts as sex. Only penetrative sex? That seems like a somewhat outdated and not exactly queer-friendly definition of sex, right? And what even is virginity? Is Zouey still a virgin or not by the end of the episode?

I think the first episode already touches on so many different issues and I love it. People have pointed out the different social statuses of First and Soong, so we already have a storyline that highlights how sex and class are interconnected issues. We have seen a fair amount of kinky sexual practices, and sex workers have also made an appearance. So to come back to my initial question, is Playboyy porn without plot? Personally, I wouldn’t classify it as such. In my opinion, while the first episode does heavily focus on sex, sex is used as a tool for storytelling and the creators have taken the unique approach of introducing the viewers to the characters via sex. Plus, there is the mysterious disappearance of Nun/Nant(?). But also to me, it doesn’t really matter whether this is porn without plot or not. Firstly, because I think that sometimes (emphasis on ‘sometimes’, okay?) when something is labelled as porn without plot this is done to discredit a particular piece of media and to paint it as something that is inherently ‘less’ (less serious, less valuable etc.) and I don’t agree with this particular conceptualisation of plot without porn because I think it fails to recognise the value of such stories, not just for people’s own enjoyment but also in regards to academic analysis. And secondly, because I am more interested in how the series is situated (and maybe even actively positions itself) in relation to broader discourses such as (non-normative) sexualities, kink, sex work (in Thailand) etc. and for this we don’t necessarily need a “good” plot structure. So I, for one, am I excited to watch (and analyse) the rest of the show. 

[thewertsearch]

Asks Comp 4/8

The thing is, Davesprite's situation is more complicated than an unfulfilled time loop. His timeline isn't an irrelevant offshoot - in fact, it's integral to the existence of the Alpha Timeline, and presumably always was. Davesprite forms part of a weird, fully intact time loop which spans multiple timelines.

And since this is a future Dave, you have to assume he knows about Bro. The two clearly had a complicated relationship, but he's surely shaken by his death - if nothing else, it's a sign of how serious things have become.

That'll be a fun thing to check out when I've finished the comic! It reminds me of those Hunger Games simulators that were doing the rounds a couple of years ago.

That's true. Dave knows how strong the Underlings have become - and yet, he's still confident that Jade can stand up to them. Presumably she finds some sort of workaround for their First Guardian powers?

Sunslammer is so good! A standout song, even in a comic with as many bangers as this one.

Honestly, part of why I'm dragging my feet on the album reviews is because I want to hear these songs for the first time in context. If I'd heard Descend before watching Descend, I feel like it would have robbed the song of some of its dramatic weight.

I assumed it was just because witches are associated with frogs.

That would have explained why they're part of her Land, but I'm pretty sure that Kanaya's glitched planet was also a frog Land, and she's not a Witch, so...?

*The rest of Sal's response has been redacted, lest we fall once more into the Frog Theory Black Hole.*

I'm pretty sure that's a statue of Echidna, the mother of monsters and Jade's Denizen. Dave's probably close to LOFAF's Palace!

The Seer sees all - and sometimes, she understands the implications before we do.

It'd certainly be interesting. I just reread that conversation, and the biggest takeaway would have been that the kids were going to befriend the trolls, and get involved in their personal drama. This would certainly be consistent with the tone established by an Act 1 Hivebent!

Yup. Vriska was only able to 'create' Perfect Jack because Becquerel didn't object.

Really, he could have prototyped anything he liked, no matter what Vriska did. Even if she tried to shut the Entry down by incapacitating Jade, he could simply have activated the piñata himself.

I mean, that's basically what happened!

If any Aspect is geared around survival, then it's Feferi's. There's no breath left in her body, but our girl is still in the game!

Getting back to the trolls will be interesting, especially since - I assume - we'll be zipping back to when Feferi was still alive. The Veil is a much less friendly place, now - but does Feferi know this? What, exactly, is about to happen to the trolls?

I suppose. I guess there's no reason for every Carapacian to be created with knowledge of the Rings.

Actually, Sburb might not want them to know - Jack's probably not the only one who wouldn't respect the Ring's rules. There could be potential ringwielders out there who are far more dangerous.

Thank you! I feel like I've been doing a lot more character analysis in Act 5 versus previous Acts, where most of my speculation was about the lore. It's a fun change of pace.

Damn, I didn't think we'd actually be explaining these!

It's moments like these which really enhance the comic for me - justifications for things that I genuinely thought were just nitpicks on my part. It's really gratifying, honestly.

@thelegendofgreg asked: Here's some commentary from the jade enter flash, theres uh. alot to read but its all neat stuff "I talked about this way back, maybe even in an earlier book? Well, here I go again, so hold on to your ass. There are four entry items: Apple of knowledge, Bottle of wine, Crow's egg, Dog piñata. A, B, C, D. All of them are related to new life or new beginnings. You bite the apple, you fall from grace, enter a new world, begin this wild journey. You smash a bottle to christen a ship. An egg hatches, creating new life. You break a piöata to celebrate a birthday. Each involves breaking or puncturing something. Each involves a form of sustenance, or something to consume (piñatas have candy inside). Two are vessels for the substance (bottle, Piñata), two are the food items themselves (apple, egg), and one arguably counts as both (egg). Two of them drop from the same basic tree template (apple, piñata). They ramp up in complexity. John's is a simple test: bite the forbidden fruit. Not much to it. A single unit of departure, almost conceptually elemental, like an apple, as Rose goes on about later. The challenges get trickier. Rose has to break a bottle. Easy enough idea, but things go wrong, and she has to take a blind leap to get it done. A sacrificial gesture, and one of faith in a friend (Jaspers). Dave's is even more obscure. A simple test of patience, but one that's not clear. He isn't told what to do and just has to wait. Non-action is the key, and in a way it's another gesture of faith under dire circumstances. Finally, Jade's challenge incorporates a lot of these elements. It's another "blind faith" situation. She has to take a shot in the dark. There's a sacrificial gesture, but instead of risking herself (like Rose), Jade must symbolically sacrifice her friend via effigy and cannot complete the sacrifice without help from that friend. (Bec must redirect the bullet. There's no way this works if he doesn't.) It is also a signifier that the pet she knew as a friend her whole life is about to, in a way, become her enemy. Like a good dog gone bad, who now must be put down."

So they are all intended to be foodstuffs! And, apparently, alphabetical - although I think 'Crow's egg' is a bit of a stretch.

There are also themes of sacrifice and faith that I didn't really think about before. Choosing to enter Sburb at all, knowing the stakes, is absolutely a leap of faith - and it's a game which sacrifices your whole planet. Skaia's been telling us the score this whole time.

Homestuck absolutely deals with dark themes - but they start out buried under the surface, and even now, are still in the process of revealing themselves. This makes sense for Homestuck, a coming-of-age-story whose protagonists are slowly coming to terms with some dark truths about their lives.

Awful Hospital, however, immediately says: here's our protagonist. Her baby is dying. She just woke in a strange room. She doesn't know how she got here. Her baby has been stolen. There are monsters inside her brain. By the way, here's a quip, because this is actually a funny comic. It just felt... dissonant, and not in a fun way. I don't really know what it's going for, tonally.

Don't take this as a negative review, though! I only read a couple dozen pages, so I'm really not qualified to rate the comic - I just wasn't feeling it at the time, so I shelved it. I enjoy a lot of Bogleech's writing, and Awful Hospital's lore sounds pretty interesting, so I'll probably give it another shot at some point.

Not for the most part! I'm super into time travel stories, though, so I'm well-Primed to understand their intricacies.

So there might be intermittent stages between the four we've seen in the kids' session? That'd be interesting - I'd love to see the intermediary stage between John's 2D chessboard and Rose's 3D cube.

There are, at this point, too many awesome songs for me to pick favorites. Umbral Ultimatum and Sunslammer are excellent, but what songs aren't, at this point?

I can't imagine what we're in for when we reach the Act 5.2 finale...

Ooh, interesting. Considering how many accidental references Hussie seems to make, it's honestly up in the air whether that was intentional.

That said....

Jack is looking awfully divine these days.

I suppose Tavros has probably logged the most rocket-hours, yeah.

I'm sure all Breath Players probably learn to fly, unless there are some oddball classes which don't let you interact with your Aspect.

Anonymous asked: forwarding this message to you from someone who doesn't have a tumblr account. ~DJ "Important fact. Dave and Aradia both use musical instruments for time travel, but different ones. Aradia’s is a music box, it has a single prerecorded music, the only way to “play” it is to turn it so it plays the music that was always in it. Dave’s is turntables. They contain a preexisting music, but what you do with them is to jump, cut and shuffle this music, creating something new, having full control of it. - RM"

I like it! As Time Players, they both follow the set path of the Alpha Timeline - but Dave gets a little funky with it, multiplying himself with a complex series of time loops.

Aradia, ever the fatalist, instead turns to doomed clones for reinforcements. I don't think we've ever seen her make a stable loop.

[jillsandwhichs]

A Resident Evil Analysis

Chris & Jill's relationship in RE5

Disclaimer: This is simply an analysis on how I perceive their relationship in Resident Evil 5. Some of what I say may be canon, other things not, if you're curious on whether or not smth I mention is, feel free to ask me. With that, enjoy if you read!

Scene 1: Chris learns Jill is alive through the Delta File:

When we see Chris's initial reaction, not only is he shocked, but so are we. Could it be? Jill is alive? Chris's face is painted with pure shock and distraught. Yes, he's suspected it all these years, but to actually see it is true is surprising. Chris finally has a shot at seeing his life long partner again. In this scene, I perceive it as Chris in utter amazement, a sense of gratefulness is added to this scene. All along, his instinct has been true.

Scene 2: Chris is willing to leave Sheva behind to find Jill:

Here, we witness an act of loyalty. Pure loyalty. It is not a crazy thing to believe Chris would leave someone behind to find Jill, despite his compassion. While, I don't believe he was fully going to leave her behind, Chris isn't like that, I portray it as rather him testing Sheva and actually being willing to proceed on this mission, even if he's alone on it. This particular scene simply goes to show how much Jill means to him, he's ready to go even deeper into Africa just to search for her - Alone or not. I perceive this scene to show just how honest Chris is to Jill, ready to blow through crowds for her.

Scene 3: The Marshlands:

Chris and Sheva are seen on a rugged boat, flowing through the Marshlands on the outskirts of Kijuju. The cutscene opens with them discussing Jill and the Spencer Estate incident. Sheva is quick to point out Chris & Jill were close. Now, even Sheva notices that. I think in this scene, she realizes who Jill really is to Chris. She isn't just a partner nor a friend, she's more than that to him, Sheva respects that and is ready to help Chris out. Chris also tends to be quite secretive about Jill here, not going into too much depth about her. I view that as an act of respect and love for her, but not only that, the topic is clearly an emotional one for him. I perceive it as Chris not wanting to go that far yet, he still needs time to process the fact she's even alive and possibly well.

Scene 4: Spencer Estate Flashback:

We get to see a Spencer Estate flashback in game, rather than just in Lost in Nightmares. It's a series of flashes, displaying different events that play out in the DLC. I'm specifically going to discuss Jill sacrificing herself for Chris though. Dying for your partner is the ultimate act of love and loyalty. You don't just die for anyone. We get to see the utter despair plastered on Jill's face when she realizes Albert is truly about to kill Chris. It's like a reflex. She tackles Albert out of the lengthy window and down the cliff of depression. Not only do we get to see a blue look on Jill's face, but Chris's too. He's just witnessed the 'death' of someone he deeply loves and cares for. The way he calls out her name, it's full of anger and pure sadness. Losing her caused Chris to lose himself. I perceive this as a way to further explain their bond and how deep its roots are.

Scene 5: The capsule:

Chris and Sheva finally reach a point of possible relief. The sound of nerve wracking buzzing is heard as the large, grey capsule treads way towards the two of them. Sheva seems a bit off, as if she's ready for the unexpected whereas Chris is literally still-like. He's ready, ready for Jill. He's training every bad thought to be good ones, attempting to commit mind over matter - The matter being there's an extensive chance Jill's not truly inside of said capsule. The loud dissipating sound of the capsule opening encaptures both of their attentions quickly, especially Chris's. He stares at it with intent as it opens, his skittishness uprising. Then quickly fading. She's not there. Lividness conspires within in his head. He's enraged. He just wants her already. I perceive this scene as a way to display how eager he is to get her back to him, where she belongs.

Scene 6: It is worth it:

We see Excella, that evil bitch, on the big screen now. Her accent confuses the two of them, but keeps them on their toes. Her words only make Chris more disturbed and feisty, same for Sheva, but most likely in a different way. Chris wants to hurt Excella, hurt anyone whose hurt Jill. In this scene we hear Excella say, "There's nothing here worth throwing your life away for." Then the screen cuts to an image of Jill and how she currently looks. I take this as, yes, Jill is very much worth throwing his life away for. Chris would die for her just as she did for him, or so he thought. I perceive this is a hint to the players that Chris would do absolutely anything for Jill.

Scene 7: Excella mocks Chris:

We officially see Excella (And Jill) in person, although, they are behind a thick glass panel. Excella and Chris share some nasty banter but there is a certain line that Excella says that always has me thinking. "Jill, Jill, Jill, you're like a broken record, you know that?" Here, Excella is mocking for Chris for constantly speaking about/of Jill. Excella most definitely takes into account the fact Chris has something with Jill, or that he at least very much cares for her. She mocks him often regarding Jill, she's similar to Albert in the sense of her taunts. I find this line to be interesting because to me, I take it as everyone sort of notices how much Chris fixates on Jill, even outside of this mission, just in general. I perceive her line as a form of mockery, of course, but also possibly a form of admiration. Albert doesn't like Excella clearly, so maybe seeing a man caring for a woman, since Excella sort of seeks that, it can be admirable or envious.

Scene 8: Reveal:

After all these years, he gets to see that awfully familiar face again - Jill's. When Jill officially reveals herself, it's as if an electric wave flows all throughout Chris's body. He's naturally stunned and rightfully so. There are so many emotions roaming wild throughout his mind. She's okay, she looks different, she's suddenly evil, is she herself still, etc, etc, definitely so many emotions. Honestly, Chris looks as though he's going to break down sobbing. His eyes become so damn soft when looking at her, they don't do that, not with anybody else. He slowly puts his gun down, not wanting to place her in harms way either. I perceive this scene as showing how much Chris truly missed her, which was immensely.

Scene 9: Albert's turn to mock them:

When Jill is on top of Chris, on the staircase of the Tricell base, Albert steps towards them, a malicious leer forms on his face. If you have CC on (Captions) you actually get to see Albert call them 'partners' which to me, indicates he knows they're more than that. Albert isn't stupid. He's been there since day one. Even in RE1, I've always found it odd how he speaks of Chris & Jill, as if he knows something. In RE1, he refers to Jill as Chris's beloved, now he does the same in RE5. Albert knows how much she means to Chris, hence why he uses her as a puppet to get back at Chris. It works for him in the end. I perceive this as Albert using Chris's love for Jill to his own abilities.

Scene 10: Jill resists brainwash:

Chris calls out to Jill whilst she's pinning him down. He's desperate to get the true her back. This demented version obviously is not her. He's determined. You can tell Jill is trying her best, and, she ends up being able to push through the brain wash and literally resist it. This woman resists three n a half years worth of brainwash just for Chris, calling his name out and pulling herself off of him. She even shows off the P30 device on her chest, attempting to show Chris what he needs to do. Him being the smart guy he is, he catches on. I perceive this as Jill's love shining through for Chris, their friendship and relationship playing through her mind, giving her the strength to resist the brainwash. It was remarkable.

Scene 11: Chris yells at Sheva:

During the actual battle with Jill, one on one and you have control, Shevas AI or whomever is playing as her can actually injure Jill. In game, you're supposed to simply toss Jill around, then try to remove the red device from her chest, but there is also an option to shoot her, which will end up leading to her death, then you must restart. If you're playing as Chris, and either the AI or your friend as Sheva begins to shoot Jill, Chris will indeed yell at her. He'll say, "Don't shoot, you're gonna kill her!" "Don't shoot, please, for me." His pleas cause your stomach to twist. This is a man begging to keep his best friend/lover alive. You can hear the desperation in Chris's voice even. I perceive this as a way of showing how needy Chris is to keep her alive and well, all he wants to do is save her.

Scene 12: Mid battle:

Throughout the battle, Chris is rather gentle with Jill. Of course, he has to be a little rough at times. He doesn't want to be, yes, but he has to in order to save her at all. Whenever Chris is on top of her, taking hold of the device and trying to remove it, he's not hard on her. He's very caring. He doesn't just yank it off, he makes sure it is removed with care and essence. When Sheva is holding Jill and Chris has to remove the device whilst standing up, it is all the same. And right when she falls after the device is tossed away, Chris is at her side, holding her in a means to comfort his loved one. I perceive Chris's gentleness as a way to inform Jill there's no harm involved, only love.

Scene 13: He holds her:

This is the scene of all scenes. Chris is finally able to re-embrace the one he's been searching for all this time. The second Jill hits that hard, cold ground, Chris is out to her rescue. In a panic & a rush, Chris quickly lifts her into his arms, his eyes shooting all over til they suddenly settle on her pale, crisp face. Jill is officially conscious in the sense of her old mindset. Could it be? She's really okay? Her eyes find their way to Chris's worrisome face, they soften once she finds it. She calls out his name, so happy to finally see him after all these years. Despite it not being on her, she apologizes for the actions that were in commence not even a minute ago. Chris doesn't even care. He's just filled with glee at the fact he's found Jill. Their embrace is short lived, but so very meaningful, too bad there is evil all around them. I perceive this entire scene as a way to show how strong their relationship is, even after all this prolonging time.

Scene 14: Millions will die:

Chris ultimately helps Jill up, still keeping his hands on her soft, toned body, wanting to make sure she is stable. Jill begs him to end Albert, she's desperate for it. There is no other way. Chris fucking admits that he doesn't care if millions will die, just as long as he can save Jill. If that doesn't prove that man's God damn love for her, I have no clue what will. She grips onto Chris, telling him he's the only one who can - He is the only one she trusts. Hearing how much this means to Jill awakens that primal side in Chris, he's set to end him not only for her, but for himself and the world. Their eye contact the entire time, from the moment he holds her, has been so intimate. It's clear how much they've missed one another. Sadly, Chris must leave Jill behind for now, as she is not suitable to convey further with them. I perceive their banter in many ways here. Loving, loyalty, trust, assistance, altruism, care, it's all shot in our faces.

Scene 15: Passing out:

Once Chris leaves the vicinity, Jill's left all alone. This scene is right before the Desperate Escape DLC plays out, which features Jill & Josh on a journey to get out of the Tricell base and over to Chris & Sheva to save them. Doug also plays a minor yet melancholic role. Though, as Chris & Sheva exit, Jill begins to feel weasy. We get to see her stumble about, her eyes dreary and fighting to stay open but they fail. As Jill hits the hard ground once again, her final words are "Chris..." He is the one thing she thinks of right before she blacks out. It's him, no one else. He's been on her mind all of this time. She's worried for him, she seeks out a refuge in her mind to help her cope with the reality he's gone and off to murder Albert, as he should. In the beginning of the Desperate Escape DLC, Jill's first words when she awakens are also Chris's name. Both times, it's him. I perceive her words as a display of affection and worry, she's timid about this all. She's worried for Chris, now she needs him alive.

Scene 16: Helicopter:

Jill tosses down the ladder for Chris & Sheva. Albert is about to die, after all this time! Jill, being the kind soul she is, helps Sheva up with haste, then Chris, her soft, warm hands touch him, her eyes longing on him momentarily before fully helping him onto the platform inside of the chopper. Once he's just about in, Albert shakes the copter, causing all of them to be tossed around. If you look closely, you can see Jill holds onto Chris and vice versa. They were right beside one another, why wouldn't they? Plus, they want to protect each other, make sure they both make it out of this hell hole alive. Their hold on each other is minor, but present. It's an act of care. After Sheva & Chris take care of Albert for the final time, they all take a glance at each other in disbelief. Although, out of all the stares, Chris & Jill's is the longest and most passionate. It felt real. Intimate. It's a look of 'at last', and they actually get to share it. I perceive their embrace and gazes as affectionate. Despite the ruckus, they remain all the same.

Scene 17: End of the main game:

They're all sat down quietly, none of them saying a word til Sheva speaks up. Once they're done speaking, Chris & Jill exchange a final look. The way Jill's gleams at Chris is spectacular. It immediately shows how chipper she is to be back with him. She feels as though she's in debt to him, but Chris'll never ever make her feel that way purposefully. Chris thinks about if it is all worth fighting for, then the camera pans to Jill right before he thinks, "Yeah, it is worth fighting for." I've always took this as a sort of oath. An oath to fight no matter what for Jill and others he cares for, such as Sheva. It's a oath of honor, which Chris deserves a lot of. No matter the condition, Chris will always fight for Jill. I perceive this as a pact, of course.

Scene 18: Her death:

If you read Chris's file in RE5, you learn a lot about how he was after Jill's saddening death. To begin, he was relentless. Day and night, he was searching for her. He tried everything he could to make the BSAA search longer than three months, but they have a protocol. Once she was pronounced dead, Chris went to her grave, he went to it often even, and he'd leave flowers there for her. Those flowers have a deeper meaning, some mean love, care, loyalty, respect, all in which he has for Jill. Besides that, as her grave, he made many promises to her that we know nothing of but one can assume they were things such as "I promise I'll find you." Or "I promise our life will be okay once you're home." And more. True promises he's surely kept. Another thing, after Jill's so-called death, Chris picked up hundreds of missions, all in hopes of finding her. He even declined working with other females, but he had to with Sheva and he was willing to considering his suspicions that Jill was in Africa. All in all, Chris was obviously lost after Jill's disappearance. He went to the ends of the Earth for her. He loves her. I think he even needs her. His love for her is different than his love for any other. I perceive this all as a way of Chris coping, all of it. It's too hard for him though.

Scene 19: Post RE5:

After the events of RE5, we aren't given a whole lot of info for a while. First things first, we know Jill is in Rehabilitation, specifically, physical therapy. This makes a bunch of sense. She's withered down since the Spencer Estate incident. She's been kept weak for so very long, she'll need a whole lot of time to recover. The BSAA also runs countless tests on her, trying to figure out the whole progen virus and how it has strained from the Plaga first introduced in RE4. Besides that boring stuff though, we learn Jill's kept in touch with Barry. Barry mentions the three of them ought to go for a drink soon, which is sweet in hindsight. The gang getting back together, Chris and Jill being able to let loose and be free momentarily. Sounds like Heaven. We do learn that Chris helps to retrain Jill somewhat, considering that's part of his job as a BSAA captain. It's sweet, it's like old times, how he used to do it back when they were in S.T.A.R.S. I won't get into Death Island at all, as much as I'd like to, I cannot. That's for another analysis but their relationship is further explained as in post RE5 in DI. I perceive their relationship after RE5 to be close and distant all at once due to Jill's guilt and trauma, sadly, that is how it is sometimes.

A little thank you if you read this far:

Thank you! This took me quite a while to write so the fact you read means so much. If you have any input or questions, feel free to ask in the comments or in my ask box.

Next analysis: RE3R Jill analysis!

[it-fits-i-ships]

Combing through every single episode of Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous for Yasammy moments to write meta analysis about part 4 (parts 1, 2, and 3)

Once Yaz is inside the lab we see her frantically looking for the antidote, getting more and more panicked the longer it takes her, we even see her get so frustrated that she starts throwing things and when she sinks to the floor she looks ready to have a full-on breakdown, it’s only when she notices the medical case and has that spark of hope that she gets up to continue her search, this combined with the sheer relief she experiences when she doubtfully opens the case to find that it does in fact hold the antidote really goes to show just how seriously Yaz takes this mission, I think that Yaz would take this kind of mission seriously if it were any other member of the group as well but not to this degree, it’s clear she cares very deeply about Sammy, she collapses in on herself and starts crying a little bit as she clutches that case to her chest, her world has been in danger of completely falling apart and she just found the one thing that can save it Yaz is a real ride-or-die, especially when it comes to Sammy, she is willing to put herself in so much danger just to make sure that Sammy is safe, she jumps the river in one go (despite the realized risk of her landing wrong on her bad ankle), as she’s sitting there cradling her injured ankle she remembers the first time Sammy offered her meaningful support, encouragement, and affection, she remembers how Sammy says she never gives up when it comes to friendship, Yaz knows deep down that Sammy would never give up on her and she sure as hell isn’t going to give up on Sammy, this reminds her what she’s fighting for and she gets back up, Yaz yells at the scorpius rex, basically telling it, “Come at me, bro,” Yaz is done taking shit from anyone, nothing is going to stop her from getting back to Sammy with that antidote, not even a freak of nature franken-dino with venomous spikes, during the final stretch of her journey, tired, injured, and terrified, Yaz trips and has several more flashes of memory in a row of moments where Sammy was saving her or hugging her or telling her that she’s her best friend in the whole world As I said in the last post, the term best friend is often used in children’s media to reference closer relationships between same-gender pairings in a way that adds queer subtext so it makes sense that this last part of Yaz’s flashbacks feels like a love confession from Sammy (albeit an indirect one) Yaz clearly loves Sammy too (even if she hasn’t consciously realized it yet) as she is willing to risk everything to save her and fix their relationship, when she gets back near the fort and sees how grim and somber the atmosphere is she musters every last bit of strength she has and pushes herself to the finish line, she is immeasurably worried that she will be (or already is) too late and she’ll lose Sammy forever, even after Brooklyn administers the antidote it takes a while for Sammy to show any kind of improvement so Yaz gets even more anxious and desperate, she even admits that she really does care about Sammy and she didn’t mean what she said before, she needs Sammy to know that, this scene reminds me a lot of the scenes in shows and movies where someone’s significant other is in the hospital and the healthy one gets very upset and refuses to leave the injured/sick one’s side When Sammy does wake up we are again treated to her perspective, the first person she looks over to is Yaz and the first thing she does is casually great Yaz (which is just adorable, as is Yaz’s genuine relieved smile after finding out that Sammy’s going to live), Yaz does everything she can to help and support Sammy, from checking on her when she first starts sitting up to supporting her while she’s walking to trying (and failing) to improve general morale in Sammy’s stead, ultimately Yaz’s plan to improve morale just freaks everyone out but the fact that she’s trying for Sammy’s sake is really sweet Also, can we just talk about the fact that Yaz has her hand fully on Sammy’s thigh when she asks how Sammy’s feeling? Or the way Yaz practically melts into the hug Sammy gives her?

Or the way she keeps taking, like, every opportunity to touch Sammy (rubbing her shoulder and her back, wiping the extra water off her face, etc.)? I’m sorry, there’s no heterosexual explanation for that combo The way that Yaz holds and protects Sammy during the stampede, the way that Sammy clings to Yaz with both hands (fingers tense and digging into Yaz’s arm), and the way they huddle close to each other suggest that they are both dealing with some direct trauma, Sammy just narrowly escaped the clutches of death at the hands (spikes?) of a dinosaur and now here they are possibly about get trampled (again), she still doesn’t feel good and she turns to Yaz for comfort, likewise Yaz is still very much aware that she almost lost Sammy and she had to leave her in order to get the antidote so she wants to make double damn sure that Sammy knows she’s there and that she’ll protect her, when it comes time for them to run Sammy has a moment of self-doubt, Yaz knows that Sammy needs her to snap her out of it in her own Yaz way (as opposed to trying to be overly cheery and positive like she was earlier) Yaz continues to offer gentle touches to comfort Sammy on the boat and when Sammy finds out that Ben plans to stay on the island instead of coming with them on the boat, she also uses physical touch to share Sammy’s excitement when Ben decides he actually does want to come with the rest of them on the boat, she also continues to protect Sammy from the onslaught of dinosaurs they have to unleash to get rid of the shady guy working with Dr. Wu who made them leave the boat, Yaz pulls Sammy out of the way of multiple dinos and holds her close Last but certainly not least, when they finally get back to the boat and leave the island we get this absolutely precious moment where Sammy is sleeping and Yaz comes over, looks at her, gives a contented/relieved sigh, and smiles one of the warmest smiles we have ever seen her smile, if that’s not the face of someone in love I don’t know what is, here they are finally safe, Sammy can rest, Yaz doesn’t have to worry about being immediately by Sammy’s side all the time to protect her from danger and she can just enjoy being around her I suspect that in season 4 we will likely see their relationship develop further because of them having some time and space on the boat (and possibly wherever they go next) to process and confront their feelings and, given that Brooklyn canonically asked if Sammy has a crush on Yaz, I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that they might even canonically end up in a romantic relationship Anyway, Yaz and Sammy are in love, thank you for coming to my TED Talk

[qlala]

Hi here's my money for that Barry and Len "guilt versus shame" essay. Thanks! 💰💰💰💰💰 (I drew the dollar signs on the bags myself. I'm crafty)

Anon when I said essay, I meant essay. But alright. Here you go. for you and your hand-drawn dollar signs. Come, take this journey with me. (A journey of character analysis for fun—please, no one take this as reliable psychology.)

As I said, I consider the main conflict between Barry and Leonard not one of good versus evil, but of guilt versus shame. Specifically, the difference between them is that Barry is a character motivated by guilt, while Len is motivated by shame.

(And to get this out of the way - I’m not talking about sexuality, but how Barry and Len relate to the world and other people. I don’t think Len is the least bit ashamed of his sexuality; Wentworth Miller has always said that Len is someone who knows exactly who he is, and I think that’s true).

A more accurate way of talking might be to say that guilt-driven characters are motivated by love, while shame-driven characters are motivated by respect.

I’m going to start with Barry, because guilt-motivated characters tend to be much more straight-forward than shame-driven characters. Barry grew up (with some bumps along the way) in supportive, loving homes. His parents, and later Joe, always treated him with love, which allows Barry to love himself and other people.

Treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can afford them, and they’ll always have that basic core of respect to fall back on in the face of outside adversity. (Barry is remarkably hard to ruffle with insults—antagonists always have to target the people he loves, because he just… does not rise to the bait when it’s just his own pride on the line.)

This kind of early exposure to love and respect are fundamental to being able to feel guilt about harming others later in life. Barry was raised to respect and love other people (in the general, “love your fellow man” sense), so he would feel guilty if he hurt someone innocent. The core sense of self-respect and self-love that Barry developed in childhood means Barry’s sense of self can always take the hit when he feels guilty about hurting other people.

Guilt makes us feel, temporarily, unloveable. But because Barry was raised to feel fundamentally deserving of love, he can afford to feel briefly unloveable when he hurts other people—it just means he needs to make amends, and then he’ll be worthy of that love again.

That’s why Barry’s a guilt-driven (or love-driven) character: when he interacts with the world, the thing he’s most afraid of losing is love. He’s never been put in a position where he feels like what he’s missing is respect.

And that’s where he and Len differ. Len’s not guilt- or love-driven; he’s shame-driven.

Len appears to feel zero guilt for hurting innocent people, at least when we first meet him in season 1. And the reason for that is Lewis. As I mentioned, love is a prerequisite for guilt. And unlike Barry, Len wasn’t brought up in a loving home. I highly doubt that Lewis’s love for Len was ever freely given, even before he became physically abusive. And if it was, that sense of self was absolutely ripped away from Len when that abuse started.

As I mentioned, treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can give them. By withholding that love, Lewis taught Len that he was inherently worthy of neither love nor respect. Raised in that environment, where violence was the way Len saw power exerted over others, the natural response was for Len to seek out respect, not love. He had nothing to gain from loving others—and therefore, from feeling guilt—because he’d already been taught he could survive without love. What he couldn’t survive without was respect, because disrespect meant becoming the object of violence—first from his father, and later, from the criminal justice system.

(Prison is a conversation for another day, but suffice to say, the dehumanizing treatment incarcerated people face parallels that childhood lack of love, robs them of the self-respect and self-love they need to have healthy relationships with other people, and increases the likelihood that they’ll commit violent crimes, not reduces it).

So Len did whatever it took to survive, and survival meant accumulating respect. There’s an obvious cure to this obsession with respect, of course: 1) love, and 2) safety.

Now, as eager as I am to jump into how Barry helped Len break the cycle of violence, Barry’s not the source of love I want to talk about here. Barry comes in later; when I talk about the love that saved Leonard, I’m talking about Lisa.

Because, listen—I’m as exhausted as you are by the trope of “female loved one is male character’s humanity,” especially where, like in some of the Flash comics, it means killing off Lisa to make Leonard a more ruthless (and, I guess the the theory goes, interesting?) villain. But Lisa isn’t just some crack in Len’s armor; she fundamentally changed Len’s life when she was born.

Len was already somewhere between thirteen and sixteen by the time Lisa was born; for the sake of convenience, let’s put him around 15. (For some more detailed meta about the Sniblings' ages, check out this excellent post by @coldtomyflash). If Len was five when Lewis went to prison, and ten when Lewis came out a much more violent man (see: everything I said about prison earlier), that means Len experienced several years of incredibly traumatic treatment before Lisa was born.

He and Mick were in juvie together at least once when Len was still young enough to be “the smallest kid in there,” and Len was nearly killed. Mick saved him, yes, but the experience had to further numb Len to guilt and reinforce that violence and respect were the only real paths to survival.

And then, Lisa. Len clearly, canonically loves Lisa from the moment she’s born. We know nothing about either of their mothers (and it is pretty likely, given the 15-year age gap between them, that they have different mothers), but they’re clearly both out of the picture—Lisa says Len raised her. Len raised her! Fifteen years old, three years away from being free and clear of Lewis’s house forever, and Len stays to raise her.

Lisa is absolutely the one person keeping Len from sliding fully head-first into the path carved for him by Lewis and reinforced by the prison system. He is still primarily shame- and respect-driven—we see him kill people without any guilt, hell, he tries to derail a train with children on board in season one just to see what Barry will do.

But Lisa taught Len that he’s deserving of love and capable of loving others, and because of that, Len cannot, will not respect Lewis for his violence he rains on them both.It leaves open a door in his mind: Lisa doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, which could mean, if he could ever afford to consider it, that he didn’t deserve to be treated that way, either.

It’s why Barry is so unbelievably smug at the end of “Family of Rogues.” He’s figured it out; he wouldn’t put it in terms like guilt and shame, but he’s cracked it all the same. He always knew Len was like him, was someone who had been forced into violence by his circumstances, and now he has proof. Barry is remarkably unconcerned that Len shot Lewis; he’s briefly surprised, sure, but by the end of the episode he’s visiting Len in Iron Heights and goading him about the good in him.

And that’s where Barry comes in. He’s the crucial second ingredient to that cure for shame—he’s the safety.

He blazes into Len’s life and praises him for things no one else ever praised him for: for his morals, for his mercy, for the way he loves Lisa. He gives him an acceptable out to stop killing (he appeals to his vanity, says he’s good enough at what he does that he doesn’t need to hurt innocents, and they both know it’s an excuse), and he makes it clear that he respects not Len’s capacity for violence, but his desire to escape the need for it.

He also offers Len protection to start making that transition. Len knows, even if neither of them say it, that Barry would drop everything to help him if he called. When Len’s reluctant do-gooding puts him in harm’s way, like with King Shark in ARGUS, Barry does drop everything. He gives up a tool that could save Iris’s life to save Len’s instead. This is not me hating on westallen at all—Barry’s sense of obligation to Len is just that strong. He knows he’s put Len on slippery ground by helping extract him from the safety net he’d built himself out of violence.

And that’s Barry’s guilt drive in action—because yeah, he loves Len. He cares about him, and he respects him, and that’s love to Barry. He just wants to give Len the chance to love people that way, too. And in the end, Len, despite all his misgivings, ends up letting him.

[strawberry1212]

“IU - Celebrity” Analysis

THE QUEEN HAS RETURNED!!!

I know it’s unhealthy to simp for celebrities...but IU is an exception. I have been rewatching her new comeback an unhealthy amount of times so I thought I’d share some things/details/background info :))

1) Background

So IU wrote about the lyric writing process this time and OMG I have to copy and paste her whole statement bc it’s so beautiful:

"I have a friend who has often been treated as an eccentric person due to her eye-catching outfit, her unique taste, dynamic talents, defensive mechanisms stemming from shyness, and a personality that clearly knows her preferences. I loved her even more because of these unique characteristics of hers, but for the same reasons, she has been living under more scrutiny and hateful eyes. These are the words I wanted to tell my 'unusual friend' that turned into the lyrics to this song but as I worked on the song, I realized that this is also my story as well. After completing the song, I thought that anyone can be the main character to this song. I'm sure everyone has felt left out at least once in their lives because they dont' meet the standards others have made. I want to tell everyone, including my friend, who were born rough around the edges but special. You are not a person from the star (common saying in Korea to mean someone weird/different) but are like a star."

OK THIS IS SO CUTE!! Because like first of all it’s so poetic...the play on words with you are not from the star, but a star yourself. And the fact that we are getting yet another song from IU that is not another romantic song. One of my long standing frustrations with the music industry (American, Korean, and Japanese), is songs tend to always center around romance, and IU tends to break those stereotypes (Bbibbi, Palette, 23, I-Land, 8, just to name her title tracks), and not only that but the fact that this is about her friend is just so beautiful T_T. Also did anyone else think of Sulli when they read this? Sulli was known for her eccentricity, different style, and being misunderstood, but the translation writes “I have a friend” in the present tense...so idk. 

And just her wanting her fans/listeners to feel like the main character (ಥ﹏ಥ) (I’m not crying you are). This is especially such an important message for Korean and Asian fans in general. I only have my experience in Japan to speak to, but Asian collectivist cultures really punish those who stray from the norm, which not only ends up discouraging those from being unique and themselves, but also impedes social progress (feminism, environmentalism, social justice, animal rights, etc.). 

And I also think it’s key where she wrote “as I worked on the song, I realized that this is also my story as well,”--more on that theme later when I break down the music video.

2) Music Video Analysis

The star motif

So she sort of does a play on words by putting a lot of star stuff in, star being another word for celebrity. And as the lyrics “You're a star painted with a left hand,” she’s talking about how this person isn’t the perfect/usual star, but perhaps a crooked/left-handed one...like the one shown to dot the “i” in the first image of the music video:

The star motif also features later around 1:09 in her dance, she draws a star with her finger.

The music video story

So basically it seems IU is playing two people--one is herself, a celebrity type figure dressed in glam clothes, and the other is the unique, “star” character (a stand in for her friend that she wrote the lyrics about). IU sings about the “star,” “A troubled outsider The walk, the style Through the earphones The music is all minor You have no idea Above your lowered head What the bright lights are Shining towards.”

The music video shows IU in glamorous clothes:

While this “star” character is in her unique/non-glam clothing, walking through the crowd.

We can also sense IU’s isolation, she’s dressed like a princess in this glamorous pastel pink room, but she is alone, and the lights flash almost ominously outside, like the constant threat of paparazzi/people always surrounding her wanting to look in on her life:

Or how the clothing racks gradually disappear, revealing her standing alone worriedly:

The next we see IU standing off to to the side (I believe it’s IU bc she’s in an undercover outfit, but it’s clearly very glamorous), as she hides from fans chasing her:

When the crowd passes, she looks around and catches sight of “star” IU, and is seemingly very taken by her unique beauty:

IU chases the “star,” but loses sight of her, and is once again alone:

The irony here is that a) despite being adored and chased by many, the celebrity IU feels alone, and that b) despite being this glamorous celebrity, celebrity IU adores this unique “star,” that is just living her life, and not universally adored like celebrity IU. Celebrity IU almost seems envious of her freedom and unique style. But as the lyrics say, she also is upset at the way society treats the unique “star:”

“Your weary face looks like/ Someone powered you off/ The heartbeat went too quiet/ The glow you have/ The imagination, identity/ Are on a diet” “

These lyrics I had the most trouble with...I think it means the “star”’s imagination and unique identity are being starved/mistreated by society, like they are being forced to put on a diet. 

Next we have:

“You have no idea/ Still not fully bloomed/ Written for you/ A bygone love poem” as celebrity IU works, it seems, on a love poem for the “star.”

Here the star motif features pretty literally, as she is surrounded by her poem writing as the stars fall across the sky. The “written for you, a bygone love poem” could also be a reference to IU’s other song, Love Poem? Also going back to how this could reference Sulli, I could help but be reminded of how IU wrote the song “Peach” about Sulli’s beauty and how much she adored her friend. 

Next we see IU in front of this huge tapestry of celebrity IU, but this time she is wearing a dress studded with stars, and looking further up. She passes through the tapestry, and this could be like a sign of her growth? Like moving past her huge blown up celebrity image of herself to find her true self in a star studded dress?

She then enters into a dark vacuum where she is surrounded by people dancing with lights (another continuation of the star motif):

I think this is the turning point to the music video. Because now it is celebrity IU surrounded by stars. The next scene shows the people (all the people that once chased her) simply walking past her on the steps, perhaps alluding to how fame is ephemeral. She looks unsure and insecure here.

The next scene is most steeped in symbolism; she is in the same room that she was in alone before looking out at the city, but now the curtains are drawn (symbolizing privacy?) and IU reaches out towards an identical version of herself. Now the line between celebrity IU and “star” IU becomes blurred:

It seems that the left is “star” IU, and the right is celebrity IU, who continues to pine and look up to an almost indifferent “star” IU. “Star” IU gets up to leave, and morphs back into her��“star” outfit from the beginning of the video, re-affirming that this is in fact “star” IU.

When celebrity IU notices she’s gone, she rushes up to find her (again paralleling her chase at the beginning of the music video), but when she goes to where “star” IU disappears, she is simply confronted with a mirror: she was the unique star all along!

In a sense, the message here could be that our own unique beauty may seem obvious to everyone else (the viewer knew that “star” IU was the same person (IU) as celebrity IU all along, but it took celebrity IU the whole music video to figure it out.

Almost as if this whole sequence has been inside celebrity IU’s head, she seems to come to this realization on a red carpet surrounded by flashing cameras:

Here she breaks the fourth wall, looking directly at the camera, as if to now realize: “I have been my own unique “star” all along.” She looks at the camera as the music sings, “you are my celebrity,” perhaps to mean that the viewer is her celebrity, or that she herself is her own celebrity, and runs off, away from the cameras (as if running away from her fame for a moment), in her beautiful red dress, free and confident at last. In the past she has always been running to chase “star” IU, but now she seems to be running simply for herself:

Messages/themes:

I think there are a couple of final messages here, and it is truly to IU’s credit that she was able to pack so many themes/messages into one music video. I think the dynamic I’m most interested in is how it runs the age old theme of the harms of celebrity fame, but it puts a very unique twist on it. While it shows the isolating aspects of fame, it also has a positive spin, that the love and affection bestowed upon celebrities isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but rather that we should redistribute that love and affection towards those closest to us, and see each other the way IU saw her friend. It also shows that fame and adoration don’t matter when you are insecure in yourself, given the irony of celebrity IU chasing after “star” IU.

This message that what matters most is cherishing and being cherished by those closest to you is interesting, because it can apply to both celebrities and non-celebrities. Celebrities may be adored, but it can be superficial, so they need the genuine love of close friends. Conversely, non-celebrities may feel super connected to their celebrities, but ultimately they need real life close friends. I think the message serves to both humanize celebrities in this way, while also saying that non-celebrities, and even weird/eccentric people, are deserving of the love and adoration we usually only reserve for picture-perfect celebrities.

I think perhaps the most poignant part, is the message of self-love: how at the end she realized that perhaps despite being pigeon-holed in certain ways as a public figure, she can reclaim her unique, beautiful parts. How we can be envious of others who seem set on their unique path and unafraid, but that we are unique and different too.

Also can we talk about how she served LOOKS!!! All of those outfits were GOLD. Anyways, I hope her music and its message reverberate with people who feel undeserving as “outsiders” and being eccentric. Being different is amazing. And as IU suggests, even though we may not be pop stars, we are all “celebrities” to someone. As the saying goes, “to the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

[rawr-ily]

A Stupidly Long Bokuto Analysis

CEO of thought dumping and calling glamorized rants “essays”

I already made a character analysis for my kin character (Oikawa) so here’s one for my favorite/ultimate comfort character :)

"The world" is a recurring theme with Bokuto. He has a strange habit of always looking at the bigger picture. By which I mean, he doesn’t really look out for little details. He's simple minded, so he takes things at face value. Tokyo isn't enough for him. Japan isn't enough. Asia isn't enough. He wants the world. He doesn't care if it seems like too much, or if it's unreasonable. He knows what he wants, and he's going to get it.

This is more noticeable in the manga. For example, there's the iconic "No matter what they say, we are the protagonists of the world" . Yes, I know Akaashi is the one the says this line, but it really mainly applies to Bokuto. We know Bokuto has this strange sort of charisma that makes him ridiculously likable to pretty much anyone. Now, I REALLY didn't wanna make this about Akaashi, but it seems like that's actually Furudate's intention. It's almost as though he didn't want to give us direct access to Bokuto's thoughts for most of the series. Instead, how did we get that? Akaashi. Akaashi is the narrator for Bokuto's thoughts. Bokuto is so random, so unique and strange, that it wouldn't make sense for us to have access to his mind. Yes, we get direct thoughts from him time to time, but Akaashi is the one who really tells us most of it. He's there to filter out Bokuto's thoughts because it would be too strange for us to understand. We would never be able to figure out Bokuto because he can't even figure out himself. That's technically Akaashi's "purpose" in the story. I don't mean that in a bad way though. I would explain more, but I wanna keep this about Bokuto as much as possible.

ANYWAY, we can sort of see Akaashi as an "extension" of Bokuto. When Akaashi says "we are the protagonists of the world", he is not talking to himself or the reader. He's talking to Bokuto, because he knows Bokuto wants the world. Another thing about this quote is that he begins with "No matter what they say..." This kind of made me to a double take. Why would someone say they aren't? But then I remembered in the manga, we get a scene of Bokuto running with some classmates. It was probably for a gym class of sorts. It's Bokuto's turn to set the pace for their run, and everybody's upset because he always goes too fast and too overboard. Bokuto doesn't really notice, and he goes forth anyway. However, after a while, he looks back and realizes nobody is running with him anymore.

Sound familiar? Kageyama's teammates left him in the same way Bokuto's did. They couldn't keep up, so they abandoned them. We're more familiar with Kageyama's past, so it's a bit easier to understand Bokuto's if you see that little parallel. I might be reaching a little here, but it's possible that people have told Bokuto that the world doesn't revolve around him in the same way Kageyama was mockingly called a king. It's a common thing said to people like Bokuto, who don't really understand much outside their own head. It's not a bad thing, but many people misinterpret it as arrogance or a disregard for others. Bokuto's charisma apparently didn't work for everyone, considering how annoyed his classmates were; I think it's a possibility that people made some snide remarks.

We also see that Bokuto is actually incredibly desperate for validation. He constantly brags about his amazing talent, always wants people to see the cool things he does, and thrives off compliments. He wants attention, and that's not a bad thing at all. It just means he wants people to acknowledge how great he is, and he feels happy when they do. That's really just scraping the surface of all that quote tells us, but I want to move on to something else.

Another recurring thing about Bokuto is his use of the word "ordinary" It seems that he doesn't really understand what the word means, but I think he knows its meaning better than anyone. Bokuto using the word first stood out to me when Fukurodani player a difficult match against another school in Nationals. I'm not too familiar with the timeline, so correct me if I'm wrong. Bokuto told the rest of Fukurodani that, up until that point, he was "an ace coddled by his team" and now he's ready to be "just an ace". He wants to be an ordinary ace, which seems quite strange. This is Bokuto, and wants to be ordinary?

Bokuto has a different understanding of "ordinary" than most people do. He's simple minded, not stupid. It's not that he doesn't think; he just thinks differently. He's that unique type of person who thinks out of the box by default. When most people think of ordinary, we think of boring, plain, normal. It's been given a negative connotation by most people. Bokuto doesn't listen to connotation.

Remember that he takes things at face value? This is an example. To us, ordinary is boring. To him, it's a goal. Bokuto sees ordinary as what things are supposed to be. He wants to be an ordinary ace. Aces are supposed to be the awesome, powerful stars of the team. Aces are supposed to be the best. He wants to be the best. Therefore, he wants to be an ordinary ace. It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to fully understand that entire bit, to be honest.

It's actually more clearly stated in one of the last manga chapters after MSBY vs. Schweiden. Akaashi interviews Bokuto for the manga company he works at, and Bokuto tells him that he has become "ordinary". Akaashi is confused and tells Bokuto that he has never been ordinary. Bokuto laughs and makes some remark about how Akaashi didn't realize just how ordinary he's become. We get a little throwback to Akaashi's 0.5 second thought process, and he realizes immediately that Bokuto doesn't use the word "ordinary" like he does. Even more impressive, he seems to also realize exactly what he means by it. Akaashi tells him that he (Akaashi) was mistaken and Bokuto is actually "super ordinary".

THIS PART TOOK ME A GOOD TWENTY MINUTES, AND AKAASHI DID IT IN 0.5 SECONDS. He's the real master at Bokuto analysis. Though Bokuto doesn't get enough serious background, so he's a difficult one to analyze. It's also much harder to put him into words? Again, he's a very unique character. He even has a surprising amount of duality in him. Though we as a fandom perceive him as an optimist, it seems his mood swings often force him into a state of overwhelming pessimism. I actually find it quite funny. It's almost like his left brain and right brain are fighting a battle, and left brain almost loses but summons the strength to momentarily completely overwhelm right brain before it takes back control. I got a very strange visual from that though.

Regardless, it just means I think his mind tries to balance out his naive optimism with intense flashes of pessimism. Bokuto gives his all to EVERYTHING. That's actually sort of an issue for him. If he's happy, he's VERY happy. If he's upset, he's VERY upset. He wants to be the best at all he doesbecause he just wants to have fun. He's not having fun when he loses, so he doesn't want to lose. It's so simple, but it's strangely inspiring. It's the straightforward answer to Tsukishima's question. Why do we push ourselves to be the best when we know there is no such thing? What motivates us? Our desire to win. What makes us want to win? Our desire to win is fueled by hatred for losing. Why don't we want to lose? We don't want to lose because it's not fun. Why isn't it fun? It just isn't. Bokuto doesn't try to dig for those answers. After all, why is anything the way it is? What does it matter? He doesn't care as long as he's enjoying himself.

I suppose that's one of the nice parts of being so simple minded. He's able to enjoy life to the fullest because he doesn't want to focus on things he doesn't like. That means his future character growth will be about having to do things he doesn't like because that's a part of life. It'll actually be quite sad to watch Bokuto grow up. What he needs to do is find a balance for all the duality in him so he doesn't need to give up his childishness or force out his mature side. If he can find a balance, it just means he'll be able to do both when he needs to. If he can do that, he'll get through everything life throws at him. He can still have fun.

He doesn't get enough serious screen time, so I can't really say anymore about him that can be reinforced by things from the anime or manga. This was only around 1.5K, so hopefully it was a pretty easy read? I still don't wanna edit this, so just tell me if things don't make sense! Also, please remember that Bokuto IS NOT AN IDIOT, SO PLEASE STOP CALLING HIM ONE IF IT’S NOT FOR COMEDIC PURPOSES. Thank you :)

[chooseyouovereveryone]

Brittana Analysis Part 3: Why Santana chose to sing Mine to break up with Brittany

This is my favourite Glee song of all time, I listen to it so much and Naya's performance is stellar, but one thing brought up a lot is the confusion in regards to the context of the song. Santana sings this song to break up with Brittany because she doesn't know how to say it, but it's a confusing narrative because the whole meaning of that song is around staying with someone through all the tough times. 

Taylor talked about writing the song around her tendency to run from love, because all the examples she'd had of relationships had ended in heartbreak. This part could fit Santana's narrative, we don't know enough about her background but it's possible she might have seen arguments between her parents/other family members growing up, and before Brittany her whole experience of relationships were filled with pain because she wasn't being true to herself. Brittany was her first experience of a happy, love-filled relationship, and even that had a lot of pain involved in the beginning. On top of that, Santana saw her friends breaking up and going through their struggles due to long distance. Tike and Samcedes had broken up already, Klaine were having struggles, Finn had been MIA in Rachel's life for weeks. So it is entirely possible that all of that fits Santana's narrative and the lyrics of the song in that she may have looked at all this sadness around her and got scared, and broken up with Brittany before something happened to make them split up, like she had seen with her friends and possibly family members in her childhood.

What doesn't fit however, is how although the song talks about running away from love and being scared etc., the main bulk of it is about finding a love who no longer makes you scared to run away and finding that person who stays. I mean, the irony of Santana singing the lyrics "we're gonna make it now" right before breaking up with Brittany. It's a love song and so it can be a bit misleading that she sings this right before breaking up with her. It could just be that despite breaking up with Brittany, Santana wants to relay her love to Brittany and how she feels since clearly she still loves her and she's not breaking up with her for any other reason than the struggles of long distance, that's entirely plausible. But...I've developed another head canon.

I love TS and I was rewatching the making of her music video for this song, and she talks through the concept of it and how the video shows her as very cynical about love due to her past experiences, but then she meets a guy and it flashes forward to their future and them falling in love, moving in together, getting married, having children etc., and even though there's a point where they fight and she gets scared, her boyfriend doesn't let her go and he breaks down the view of love she has and stays by her side so they can have that future together. The main point being that she see's that whole future/story ahead of her from the moment she meets him, and even when they argue she can see all that happiness ahead of them (it's cheesy I know).

So it got me thinking about Brittana's break up and how as heartbreaking it was at the time, it did allow them to grow and develop as people and in the end they came back stronger, ended up getting married etc. At the beginning of their break up Brittany is still trying to win Santana back, but Santana remains firm and even tells Brittany it would be fine for her to date other people, but we see the reality of that when Brittany ends up dating Sam. Clearly she isn't okay with Brittany dating other people, and she comes straight back to Lima to win her back, but it's too late. It makes me think about Santana's motives when she broke up with Brittany, and in my opinion I think she always thought they'd find their way back together, they just needed to do the mature thing to prevent anything happening that could stop that future together (cheating, arguing about not seeing each other etc.). Of course she was going to tell Brittany it'd be fine if she dated other people (though in her own words she was glad that she wasn't), but when Brittany actually put that into practice and ended up dating Sam that suddenly foiled Santana's vision for them. In her head, she maybe hoped Brittany would graduate and they could then move to New York together and the distance would be eliminated and all would be fine. I'm not sure she actually expected Brittany to move on, even though Brittany was fully within her rights too, I think it knocked Santana for six which is why she panicked and rushed back to Lima with a fake girlfriend and a plan to literally move back there just to be with Brittany again. After the point of Brittany deciding to stay with Sam, is I think where Santana's confidence takes a knock, and all her previous certainty about them finding their way back to each other again has gone now that Brittany is happily dating somebody else. She didn't account for that happening, but now it has, and I think that's when she starts to make the steps of trying to get over Brittany and accepting that it's actually over. I also think that it's the reason for her initial reluctance to get back with Brittany, in that Brittany getting with Sam had came out of left field and hurt her and took her a long time to try get over, and she didn't want to open herself up to that potential hurt again.

Brittany on the other hand, is very bold and confident in the 100th ep when trying to win Santana back, which is surprising considering she was the one who had her heart broken by Santana. My theory on this though, is that like Santana, Brittany always knew they'd find their way back to each other; the difference is I don't think that ever went away for Brittany. I think she always knew it and nothing knocked her like it did for Santana. Even when she "chose" Sam, my opinion is that she ultimately knew she'd end up being with Santana in the end, but she had to set Santana free at that point because having Santana stay in Lima and give up on her dreams could have ended up in her resenting Brittany. Letting her go and encouraging her to go to New York, allowed for a future for them once that obstacle (long distance) is out of the way. Obviously then Brittany goes to MIT so they still can't be together because the distance is still there, and then it's Santana who is the taken one which puts another obstacle in the way, but seeing Santana again and having the realisation that she hates her life at MIT makes Brittany just go for it. I'm going off on one as per, but my point being that I think Brittany is so confident when trying to win Santana back, because she could always see in her head that they'd get back together. The same way that Santana could see in her head when breaking up with Brittany that they'd get back together, until the whole Sam thing knocked her confidence in that. Both of them had to let each other go at different points in order to have that happy ending, which brings me back to my original point of Mine and how it could be Santana seeing their future ahead of them and how eventually they are going to make it, they are going to be together, but right now she needs to break up with Brittany so that they actually get that happy ending that she can see. And that fits the whole last verse of the song where she's like "we're gonna make it now, I can see it now" etc, which otherwise doesn't make sense contextually when you're about to break up with someone.

In reality, it's not that deep I know. They were going to originally have Santana sing Frank Ocean "Bad Religion", a song that I also love, but would have made even less sense context wise hahaha. But, this gal loves an analysis and a head canon, so that's my take on why she chose to sing that song to Brittany. Because like the original version of the song, she could see the future they had in front of them and their happy ending they'd have, she just had to make some difficult choices in order for them to get there.

[celestiteflowers]

[Taikyoku Denki] Analysis of KaiShun hints (Eng)

Vi ver:

https://celestiteflowers.tumblr.com/post/641750919444398080/taikyoku-denki-ph%C3%A2n-t%C3%ADch-hint-kaishun-vi

Shun was surprised at the fighting experience of the brown-haired human warrior had and asked for his name.

[My name is Kai, nice to meet you Shun]

When the name "Kai" was announced, Shun did something unexpected, he muttered that name many times with different tones.

[Nice name, nice to meet you too]

This is something that has never happened before, according to Arata's explanation, Shun is the type that neither likes nor hates anything. The White Demon Lord is always cool with everything but shows interest in Kai only in the first hook.

(Praising someone's name is normal but is there anyone who repeats people's names with such rich expressions at the first meeting ?! Above all, please look at Shun’s face, isn't that the expression you look at the person you like?! Although the angle of the camera is narrow so we can not see very clearly, but I am sure that Shun had a fierce internal struggle to take his eyes off Kai. He loves him but he still have to hold back to remain his reputation. Thus, if Shun thirsty so obvious, he will scare Kai to run away!)

No matter how active Kai normally has, because he was suddenly praised by Shun so confused, not knowing how to answer.

But very soon Kai proved that he was completely worthy of Shun's interested, the man who was not afraid but do the "boom boom" movement with the king of the gokuzaku and Shun also happily joined him. (I don’t know I should call Kai is a idiot or a bravely person anymore)

Shun was indeed attracted to Hajime's "yang" energy and he also become his fan. But our White Demon Lord instead of choosing that "strongest person", Shun asks Kai, he wants to be with the latter for the rest of his life.

[S: Kai ~

K: What's wrong?

S: When it's all over, do you want to sign a contract with me? It will be fun!

K: I know it will be interesting but my instincts are warning me over and over that, the future will be very difficult.

S: So you refused?

K: Not at all, in fact, that’s the agreement. I am very willing to join in, experiencing the mischievous things with you will be very interesting.

S: AWESOME!]

A man with the most terrifying power on earth, a man standing above all like the White Demon King, asked if an ordinary human would like to make a contract with him. Shun was very restless when he saw Kai's hesitation because he was afraid of being rejected. Shun smiled extremely happy when he received the consent of the other. Why does Shun need to do that? As the leader of the higher demons, he must has fully confidence to not be afraid of Kai’s rejection and he even can order Kai to follow his arrangement. But instead, Shun asked and waited nervously for an answer from the latter. He had a lot of respect for Kai and completely didn't want to force him. (Everyone please sympathizes for an old-maid for more than 3000 years, this is the first time he confessed, so he was like a fish out of water).

And as for Kai, he was hesitant at that time and even If his instincts did not alarmed, he knew that everything would be very difficult with such a companion, the White Demon Lord. However, at the moment Kai saw the panic on Shun's face, he ignored his reason and followed the call of his heart. (There is no way Kai can see the sadness on Shun’s face and I can say that, Shun was accidentally forced Kai with that disappointed expression)

During the fight, Shun was injured and although Kai was also wounded, he still wrapped his body behind Shun to protect him and Kai even put his hand on the other’s back when he saw Shun was struggling pain.

When the right moment had come, Shun ran to Doutaku and put all of his strength into the final attack. The brunette was very panicked when he saw Shun slip out of his protection and dashed to the enemy. It all happened in a flash, though Shun successfully delivered a fatal blow to the enemy, but as a result, he lost all his strength and was being blown away. Although Kai was still shocked, at that moment he instinctively ran out to held Shun, he used his body to cushion him when he landed.

Kai then hugged Shun in his arm and pulled him away from the fighting area, he used one hand to hold the other in his lap and the other hand held a weapon to defend in the front. It was also possibility that Kai didn't want to see Shun slip out of his hand and run his head in danger again, so he acted like that.

Kai thoroughly maintained that movement until Doutaku was defeated, he remained in that position and hugged Shun's waist to help him get up. However, when Shun stood up, Kai can just let Shun put his shoulder to lean on and even can just reached out to pull Shun up. But no, the two kept hugging each other until the scene changed.

The end of the stage is the scene where our characters are "married", everyone is happy. The special thing here is that Shun is completely awake, who has been sleeping for a very long time (so much that he was adored by his fellow as their ancestor). Right now, Shun doesn't show any signs of being sleepy which means he's playing with Kai happily. Thus, Shun's partner is still completely healthy and lively. Only Kai can handle White Demon Lord and still alive, If others is put his position, they must be vanished a long time ago.

As I said above, Kai agreed to make a contract with Shun and accepted the condition of having to play every day with him. This brunette confuses us once again, why Shun is the one who gave the condition rather than Kai? He is the one who had a disadvantage from this "business" because, no matter how strong Shun is, he still needs someone to agree to make a contract which will help him escape the weakness that can even cause him to lose his life when he gets in direct sunlight. However, because of Shun, Kai accepted it to be it (yes, he is hopeless)

(The Gokuzaku always considered humans as weak flies and now their king is madly in love with a human. It sure is a pain in their ass lol)

|The end|

Note: and here is another post about them from my KaiShun ally @kamiaka which I recommend you to read (thank you for sharing with me such a splendid informations Lia!): https://kamiaka.tumblr.com/post/640939719901003776/in-response-to-celestiteflowers-last-post-i

[silver-wield]

Hey so I was wondering if you did/could do an analysis on clouds various panic attacks ptsd episodes and how he responds to each one I’m interested to read your thoughts on each one since you usually bring a new perspective to the table for me so thanks for that!

All of Cloud's ptsd attacks? Damn, that's a lot of searching I've got to do. I might not find them all. I'll do my best but you'll have to let me off if I miss a couple lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

I explain Cloud's entire backstory which covers his PTSD and other issues here, so that should do for a recap right?

A further thing to note is that PTSD affects people differently and in Cloud's case it manifests as a psychological taunt in the form of Sephiroth. Embodiying his sense of failure, lack of self-esteem and self-actualisation, this version of Sephiroth is the one that Cloud reacts to the most strongly. This is the one that makes him whimper with fear and react on instinct instead of observing the situation and attacking. This is the one he fears, and it's a part of himself wearing a monster's face. Why Sephiroth? Who else has done him more harm? Sephiroth killed his mother, Tifa (so he assumes), burned his hometown to the ground and was indirectly responsible for his best friend's death, too.

And Cloud couldn't do a thing about it. He is the manifestation of everything that Cloud hates and fears about himself. Because of this, he's dissociated from much of his feelings. He still feels, but at a lesser degree than he should were he fully in touch with his real self.

Moseying on.

The first PTSD induced attack isn't actually prompted by Sephiroth himself, although he does feature in it. Cloud's first attack happens when he sees the destruction of sector 8 and buildings burning. This gives him the association of the last time he saw a burning building, which happened when his village burned. The sensory input of sights, sounds and smells prompted the memory, which combined with the high stress situation and Cloud's own latent anxiety and guilt for his part in this chaos.

You see a close up of Cloud's eye as it widens and real!Cloud's memory pushes to the forefront of his mind – remember, these memories are things SOLDIER!Cloud can't access at will, which is why they cause him pain when it happens.

Theres a static noise in the background, which is meant to convey a type of ringing in Cloud's ears and then the building's facade morphs to that of his house with the fence around it.

While much of what Sephiroth says is in line with this being a separate being from Cloud and not merely his own subconscious taunting him, there are elements of it being a combination of both. This is in line with the OG where Sephiroth was able to get in Cloud's head and make him doubt his own sense of self. With what we know of how Jenova's cells manipulate Cloud, it's believable that Sephiroth is both a separate being manipulating Cloud to his own ends and partly an aspect of Cloud's psyche that exists to push blame on him for everything. It's the representation of his mental illness that he struggles to fight.

Obviously, there's no fire, so Cloud sweating and breathless is because they're physical symptoms of his PTSD induced trauma.

Sephiroth's taunting lines about how he killed Cloud's mother are overkill when you consider the real Sephiroth's personality. The combination of the overarching Sephiroth and Cloud's PTSD version make a powerful foe that he never really beats. This is a metaphor for the fact those with mental illness are never really free. It's a lifetime battle and even if they're in recovery, that demon is just waiting for one weak moment when they can get them back in their grip.

You can hear Cloud gasp in this scene as once again Sephiroth appears to taunt him. He's not fully recovered from the last attack and now there's another right on top of it. Sephiroth appearing is once again partly Cloud's own trauma and partly the Jenova cells in him warping his perception and allowing Sephiroth to mess with him.

Unlike the time before, this Sephiroth vision is a simple taunt that Cloud is too weak to save anyone. This is his guilt and self-loathing talking about how he couldn't save his mom, Tifa or his town. It could also be hinting that he couldn't save Zack either.

The hidden implication of this scene is the fact that Sephiroth puts his hand on Aerith's shoulder. This is the only time Sephiroth touches anyone besides Cloud.

The next time Cloud has an attack is during the reactor 5 mission. This happens because of Tifa's presence drawing out the painful memory of the Nibelheim reactor where he believed she died after facing down Sephiroth.

Even in the midst of his PTSD attack he looks to Tifa. She doesn't know what's happening with him and he backs away from taking a chance to confide in her, but even during this moment when he's showing weakness he has very good eye contact with her. He's looking her directly in the eye, which he wouldn't do if he wasn't comfortable with her. This shows that Cloud sees her as a source of comfort and support.

You can see the lingering doubt on his face here after he dismisses the attack. He's not aware of what the memory means because he's not in touch with the full story – that belongs to real!Cloud kept hidden away. He knows it's left him unsettled and feeling like a failure. This is one of the few times I've seen that Cloud doesn't dismiss out of hand the content of the attacks.

Tifa repeats a phrase she said back then and Cloud's sense of failure surfaces, causing him pain and to freeze up. We get a voice over from real!Cloud referring to the time he believes he let Tifa down. Before the SOLDIER persona can get too deep into it or question what he means, Barret yells for him to focus. Cloud shakes off the paralysing feelings, but that doesn't stop Tifa asking it he's ok, which he dismisses again. This is typical of truama survivors pushing their feelings down and attempting to function without ever truly dealing with the source of their pain.

This next flash is prompted by the events during chapter 8 where the children get into trouble and Cloud has to rescue them. It echoes a similar even in his past where Tifa climbed Mt Nibel and fell, despite his best efforts to save her. She spent a week in a coma and Cloud was blamed for the incident and told to stay away from her.

The past emotions of guilt and failure mingle with the present situation to prompt a flash of pain as the memory of Tifa surfaces. It's his feelings of guilt and having failed her that cause the pain, not Tifa herself because when he says to Aerith he doesn't know how to explain he turns to the spot where he saw the vision of Tifa and smiles wistfully. This means Tifa herself doesn't cause him pain. The feelings he has about himself, do.

Chapter 13 and omg I love this freak out! I'm sorry, but this is such a great moment for Cloud and really highlights how low he is at this point. This shows the depth that we miss from him always having his SOLDIER persona taking charge. He's just lived through a tragedy. He's seen the girl he likes in pieces and trying to hold it together. He wants to comfort her. He wants to be himself, but he can't because he's just not good enough. He's feeling like a failure in more ways than one. He lost people too, goddamnit!

Then, in a misguided attempt to distract Tifa from her pain, he stumbles right into a trigger point for his own trauma. Of course he wouldn't know this. It's one of those flashes of Sephiroth ranting about his role and Jenova and shit. (I might have mistakenly said this was a future-flash somewhere, but then I remembered he does this rant right before he kills everyone in Nibelheim).

There's very little blocking to the memory. This is pretty well sealed by real!Cloud compared to his other memories. Even painful ones of Tifa have more context than this. This is something that is so damaging to Cloud's psyche that he can't even fill in the space around it.

So, we get the same kind of staticky noise we heard in chapter 2 when the vision of Sephiroth showed. Cloud gasps pretty loud here tbf. He's unguarded because of the vision and possibly his own distraction about what he's just been through. He wasn't prepared to see Sephiroth here even more than he was back in chapter 2 when he had a full on panic attack.

I mean, his pupils are seriously dilated here. Boi is scared.

Cloud's whimpering and my heart breaks for him. Sephiroth is hitting all his weakest points by bringing up failure and mentioning it's not the first time that's happened. Cloud's at a low point already, so it's not unexpected he backs away from this rather than tries to fight. This isn't SOLDIER!Cloud. This is real!Cloud. The fear has driven real!Cloud to the surface and he wants to run away, just like Sephiroth taunted back in chapter 2.

“Through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?”

Clearly not by the look on Cloud's face. The part of him that's real!Cloud within this moment looks like he wants to scream that he's had enough of being in pain. He wants to shake his head and deny that he deserves it. What did he ever do wrong?

I feel like this is more of Cloud's own subconscious taunting him and implying that he deserves everything bad that happens to him, rather than it being the external Sephiroth manipulating Jenova's cells. He's saying Cloud secretly wants to suffer because that's all he should ever get in life. He thinks if he suffers enough pain that he'll be stronger for it, instead of the broken person that he really is. This is the type of thing people who’ve lived through trauma deal with every single day. It’s a never ending barrage of not feeling good enough and worrying that your entire existence is a bother to society. Not even just those close to you, you are a blight on the world. That Cloud’s internal trauma is so deeply rooted in this figure of Sephiroth narrows his focus and makes him project all of his fears onto him. It’s no wonder he freezes.

Now, not strictly a PTSD glitch, but it does provoke a very strong reaction from Cloud, and definitely plays into his fears, so I'm gonna include this one on the proviso it's more fear motivated.

This is the moment he sees Tifa stabbed during the VR cut scene. Sephiroth hijacked it to show them meteor, but then he also killed Tifa and then Barret. We know later on that Barret actually dies, so having seen this, Cloud may well relate back to this deep seated fear that he can't save Tifa and she'll die because of him and it'll cause further attacks. This is also a callback to the time in the reactor in Nibelheim when Tifa was stabbed by Sephiroth and Cloud couldn't save her – this ties to the PTSD flashback he had during the reactor 5 mission where he saw Tifa picking up Sephiroth's sword, so it's got precedence to cause him further trauma once he connects the dots. The fact it provokes such a strong emotional response from him – so much so that his entire face changes – I suspect that real!Cloud came out to motivate him to run to her out of the fear he'd just seen her die in front of him – again. The shock and disbelief on his face, the utter heartbreak. His expression changes from SOLDIER!Cloud to real!Cloud in less than 3 seconds. I checked. As a trigger for his trauma, Cloud's fear of losing Tifa pushes him to a lot of things he wouldn't normally do.

This is more of a memory glitch than PTSD since it's tied to the grunt recognising Cloud and calling him out on the false memories he has of being a SOLDIER. He says they went through training together and Cloud's eyes narrow as though he's trying to reconcile a truth against a lie. The truth that real!Cloud was a grunt and SOLDIER!Cloud is a fake.

There's some distress on his face here that links back to the point during the airbuster battle when he first learned about cell degradation. He knows what he believes is true isn't quite right, but he can't figure out why. SOLDIER!Cloud is unaware of the SOLDIER persona he constructed to protect his real self from further trauma. In OG when Cloud finds out – through Sephiroth’s skewed af bullshit – it causes a complete mental break, so real!Cloud's right to be wary of triggering himself because he's not in a good enough place to deal with what he's done to protect himself. He'd blame himself for being even more weak than he thought.

This is more interesting. Usually whenever anyone questions Cloud about his false identity he claims it, while also rejecting it by saying “ex-SOLDIER”, but in Hojo's case, he seems to hesitate, as though part of him knew it would be questioned and wouldn't hold up. Since Hojo's the one who did this to Cloud, it's likely the truth of what happened couldn't be kept back by the SOLDIER lies.

Pained again, Cloud turns his head away, as though he can shut out the truth. Hojo's image glitches for him and it's reminiscent of the OG moment where Cloud confronts Hojo and asks if he can be a proper experiment instead of a failed one (or something like that. I haven't played OG in like 5 years)

The trauma from what Hojo's done is quickly brushed under the carpet thanks to the arrival of the whispers. This is the second time they appear to prevent Cloud learning too much about his past too early. (Dammit, I forgot about deep ground, I'll circle back to it or I'll lose the order for my screenshots)

I'm not including the long corridor walk prompted by Jenova because that's a loading screen and also it happens not because of anything that Cloud experienced in the location, but because the outside influence of Jenova called to him. His only association with Jenova is the infusion of cells, though how he got them does set off attacks. Actually, here's a good point for the deep ground screen.

Preview of zombie Cloud for Mideel anyone? I mean, what can I say? He's totally checked out and it's scary. No wonder he doesn't wanna remember any of it if this is what he was like at the time. Imagine being so doped up with mako that you're not even you any longer? Having experiments carried out on you and god knows what else. Being stuffed in a chamber jammed full of alien dna and left to see what happens.

This is what broke him. I'd say it's similar to the faceless Squall cut scene from the end of FF8. It's chilling. No wonder he crafted an entire persona to protect himself from remembering this.

So this is the culmination of all the other attacks he's had. We get flashback elements from several that threaten to overwhelm Cloud. He's clutching his head. He's in serious pain and can't do anything. He manages to push through and ask if it's really Sephiroth. He then grabs his left arm when it begins to hurt. This is because Sephiroth is left handed. This is also the same arm that had the major infection of geostigma in AC.

Conclusion

Cloud is a messed by puppy and I ship him with therapy.

PTSD is a tricky thing to accurately show, especially in this case when it's not all totally mental illness and there are outside factors that skew how it's portrayed. Part of Sephiroth is within Cloud, though I do suspect it's more of an aspect of his own feelings of self-loating and doubt than it is actually Sephiroth. That's not to say there isn't also a genuine part of Sephiroth within these visions influencing Cloud to do what he wants, but I think it comes down to the context of the moment.

Cloud's been through a lot of shit and fronts like nothing else. He's managed to get away without any kind of vices or coping mechanisms besides this alternate persona that actually does ok in following the real!Cloud's lead when his deeper urges motivate SOLDIER!Cloud into doing things. I mean there's a point where there's a clear debate between the two about dancing for Andrea. All that back and forth eye movement and then the grimace and “fine, for Tifa” expression wasn't necessary if it was just SOLDIER!Cloud.

It's gonna be hard for Cloud to hear that he's not real in the sense that he thinks he is. It's gonna break him. We've got a preview of his scary vacant Mideel look and it's terrifying. Major props to Tifa for refusing to give up on him.

[whatiwillsay]

submission: Hello I Did A Giant DWOHT analysis for you to share

Looking at it through a lens of it being about Kaylor but with the context of Swiftgron: (you can put the Read More wherever you want)

I loved you in secret1

First sight2, yeah we love without reason

[1]

Wildest Dreams: “I said ‘no one has to know what we do’”

Ready For It: “I-island breeze and lights down low / no one has to know”

Dress: “Our secret moments in a crowded room / They’ve got no idea about me and you”

King of My Heart: “Late in the night, the city’s asleep / Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”

Secret love is a theme that seems explicitly connected to Karlie. There’s not much mention of it in any 1989 song except for Wildest Dreams, which I’d argue, was written early into Karlie and Taylor’s flirtationship where, after Dianna, Taylor was unconvinced that her love with another woman would lead to anything long-term. Wildest Dreams talks about her seeing her relationship with Karlie as a temporary thing that has to end eventually. Ready For It connects to this almost word for word. 

Dress talks about being in a situation with someone where you are both friends, and possibly hooking up, but that line between friendship and relationship hasn’t explicitly been crossed yet. I’m assuming the connection between “say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress” and “I only bought this dress so you could take it off” is on purpose. Taylor was making the most of their limited time together, still not seeing it going much further.

King of My Heart is clearly about Karlie, if not just for the connection to the city. It also connects to the timeline of how they got together, detailed in various songs across reputation and Lover, where they sit on the roof and have a serious conversation before they fully jump into things. 

So first line = about Karlie.

[2]

illicit affairs: “It’s born from just one single glance / but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times”

I haven’t been through illicit affairs thoroughly enough yet to confirm that it’s about Karlie, but I would say the song leans that way. 

However, “without reason” seems to connect to Wonderland in so many places, but especially given the context of the line before, specifically to “Didn’t they tell us ‘don’t rush into things?’ / Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me? / Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?”

So, with that in mind, this line could refer to either Dianna or Karlie, but I’m going to go with Dianna, based on the line that follows:

Oh, twenty five3 years old

Oh, how were you to know? And

[3] Taylor was twenty five when Kissgate happened. However, Dianna was also both twenty five when she started dating Taylor, and twenty five when Shirtgate happened. I think this line could be taken as her talking to either herself or Dianna. 

However, it should be kept in mind that Taylor rarely refers to the ages of her lovers in her songs, preferring instead to refer reflexively to herself – “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty two” “I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything” “When you’re fifteen” “It’s like I’m seventeen, nobody understands.”

The “how were you to know” also seems to imply a sense of youthfulness and naivete. Whoever was twenty five wasn’t old enough to know what would happen. Perhaps here she’s reflecting on the fact that now, at the same age that Dianna was when they began dating, she seems to know just as little. While Dianna may have seemed older and more worldly to her when they started dating, now at the same age, Taylor has made the same mistakes she did. I think here she is talking both to Dianna and to herself.

My love had been frozen4

Deep blue, but you painted me golden5

Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know?6 I-

Okay, there is so much work that metaphor is doing in these three lines here, so let’s go through them one by one.

[4] Ice and frozen-ness as a theme doesn’t really show up until reputation. However, knowing that Dianna is often associated with water/a storm throughout Red and 1989 makes this line interesting. On one hand, Taylor could be saying here that whatever water/storm that was her love for Dianna had stopped moving, which is backed up by the fact that throughout the Speak Now album, Taylor refers to someone being “cold” when they are at a low point, or a relationship is dying. 

On the other hand, there’s the whole metaphor of the “fishbowl” from the Lover music video and that being a representation of glass closeting. 

Taylor confirmed that this room represents the 1989 Era.

Because of this, the water metaphors get a little tricky, ESPECIALLY as it connects to the songs New Years Day and Paper Rings, because an icy pool also shows up in those stories:

Paper Rings: “In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool / When you jumped in first, I went in too”

So jumping into a pool seems to be a symbol for commitment, Karlie and Taylor jumping into glass closeting together… except that makes no sense for the timeline. Kissgate happened nearly two months before this pool jumping incident. So that leaves us with two options:

New Years Day (and by extension, Paper Rings) are about Calvin Harris, who she was dating at the time this story takes place.

Taylor lied about this pool story. It isn’t real, but it IS a metaphor.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: “It was so nice throwing big parties / Jump into the pool from the balcony / Everyone swimming in a champagne sea”

TIWWCHNT explicitly connects the year 2015 to Taylor throwing wild parties and “feeling so Gatsby,” as Taylor looks back on it as a time before Kissgate or #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty where she was having a carefree amount of fun and didn’t have to face consequences for things.

For me, this suggests that the pool/balcony story/metaphor takes place in 2014/15 rather than 2016, that it IS about glass closeting during the 1989 era, and that, metaphorically, it refers to jumping into things while Taylor was still grieving the loss of Dianna (hence, why the water is icy and cold).

[5] As we know from the song Red, losing Dianna the first time was a blue like Taylor had never known. While many people say blue is a romantic color representing Karlie/Joe, I don’t think this origins of the theme can be ignored, especially since Taylor brings the red/gold metaphor throughout even her most recent work. The “but” in the line is also doing a lot of work here, referencing some sort of contrast between the blue and what happens next. This gives this line two interpretations:

Taylor was still feeling the blue of losing Dianna when she met Karlie, but started dating her anyways.

Karlie herself was blue over something, but still found it in her to paint Taylor gold anyways.

I’m inclined to believe the first interpretation, as that lines up the most with the idea of Taylor’s love being frozen.

[6] Here Taylor repeats the sentiment, only this time referring to herself. To me, this means that the first “25” was indeed referring to Dianna, which I think confirms that the events of Kissgate made Taylor look back either on her relationship with Dianna and how it started OR, possibly, Dianna’s experience during Shirtgate, where afterwards she had to be shoved far back in the closet. 

This makes there a parallel set of questions here:

How were you (Dianna), at twenty five, supposed to know what would happen if you dated me/wore that shirt onstage?

How was I (Taylor), at twenty five, supposed to know that my glass closet with Karlie Kloss, who had healed my hurt from Dianna, was going to come crashing down so quickly?

Could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket7

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it8

I had a bad feeling

[7] While some wild Kaylors think this may refer to an actual locket, I think more likely this is a reference to glass closeting, as it is immediately juxtaposed with the image of someone’s (Karlie’s) hands in her pockets. This is a specifically physical gesture, and one that can be seen by other people. What is hidden is the romantic aspect of it, which is represented by the one locket Taylor can’t wear (a good metaphor considering she has matching necklaces with all her beards). This is the reality in which Taylor wanted to spend forever. 

[8] What I think is most interesting about this section of lyrics, though, is that it seems to imply Karlie was telling Taylor everything would be fine, despite Taylor worrying that what happened with her and Dianna (gossip mags outing them and them having to break up) would happen here. I think this is likely because Karlie’s one other big relationship, with Toni Garrn, was also done in a big glass closeting way, and Karlie was now with her (likely permanent) beard Josh. Karlie assumed things were going to be fine. Taylor, who had alternative bad experiences that ruined her relationship with Dianna, had a bad feeling.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis9

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it10

I had a bad feeling

[9] This is nearly the exact same phrasing as in Ready For It: “Island breeze with lights down low, no one has to know.” The connection between those lyrics and this song implies that the events preceding Kissgate were still early in their relationship (more proof that there was some overlap with Dianna).

The word “scared” here also continues to play into Taylor’s obsession with deconstructing Christian/religious imagery (ex/ Don’t Blame Me). 

[10] Once again, this suggests Taylor is looking back on her relationship with Dianna here. She knows there is no one in the world who can take it, because she’s already been through it with someone else.  So, when whispers started up before Kissgate (keeping in mind Taylor’s team probably knew as soon as the L Chat started talking about them), Taylor could feel things start to go downhill again, despite what Karlie said.

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied11, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time12, first time

Yeah we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

And I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing13

[11] This imagery is so connected to the “invisible locket” in the first verse. I do not believe the first chorus refers to Kissgate specifically (I agree with Cam’s assertion on the podcast that Kaylors have this big tendency to assume Taylor is speaking about public moments in her songs). Rather, I think them “dancing with their hands tied” refers to having a relationship while glass closeting. They are doing something fun and wild, but not quite free, still limited in certain ways. However, after keeping her relationship with Dianna so (relatively) private and it still falling apart, I can see how glass closeting so openly with Karlie would’ve felt like “dancing” in comparison. 

[12] Here again is the implication of naivete. Taylor knows it is not the first time. She has experiences that tell her this is not wise, and indeed her intuition is saying the same, and yet she is acting as if she has learned nothing from her relationship with Dianna, or even Emily, for that matter. Once again, think back to Wonderland: “Didn’t it all seem new and exciting? / I felt your arms twisting around me / I should’ve slept with one eye open at night.” Taylor has already been through this with Dianna, caught up in the excitement, unable to listen to her intuition, going into things too quickly.

[13] This confirms that statement. Taylor’s intuition is telling her that they are getting too reckless in their glass closeting, but she is having too much fun dancing, despite the limitations, to really listen to it. And this is where the Kissgate imagery comes in, because with Josh Kushner (Karlie’s insurance) literally standing right behind them the whole night, the 1975 concert becomes the perfect (and public) representation of this, which is perhaps why Taylor chose dancing as a metaphor to begin with:

I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us14

So, baby can we dance

Oh, through an avalanche?15And

Say, say that we got it?

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted16

Oh, ‘cause it’s gravity

Oh, keeping you with me,17 I–

[14] Here Taylor displays some awareness that outside circumstances had quite a lot of a role to play in the end of her relationships. This especially reminds me of how she framed her relationship with Dianna in Wonderland. It is no one’s fault. It is the circumstances of their relationship, and yet, despite that, they “pretended it could last forever.” 

Taylor admits this, too, in the 1: “If one thing had been different / Would everything be different today?” To me, this implies that it was not their incompatibility that broke them up, but the one circumstance of the setting of their relationship (whether it being gay – think Taylor’s laments in The Man – or them both being celebrities, you take your pick). 

[15] So, with the things that drove her and Dianna apart in mind, Taylor returns to the metaphor of the snowglobe from You Are In Love (“You two are dancing in a snow globe, round and round”), which itself is another representation, like the fishbowl, of a glass closet. Here, Taylor asks Karlie if they can keep dancing once the snowglobe is shaken and the snow starts flying. Think again of the metaphor of the New Year’s Eve party – Taylor associates their early glass closet relationship with snow and frozen-ness because thoughts of Dianna were still lingering, even up to this point. Even in little tiny frozen flakes, the water was still there.

[16] I think this line may refer to a conversation between Karlie and Taylor before Kissgate, where Taylor voiced these fears, a “mess” of anxiety, and became scared Karlie would leave her (think The Archer). 

This could also refer to Taylor still being “a mess” about Dianna when she got together with Karlie.

[17] Karlie is the sun. Taylor is merely orbiting. Throughout this song, the implication is that Taylor has been listening to Karlie, taking cues from her, following her plan, despite her own intuitions. Think hoax – “You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?” – despite the games Karlie and Taylor were playing early in their relationship, and despite Taylor still having feelings for Dianna, Taylor fell for Karlie harder and faster than Karlie fell for her, and most likely this was why she jumped in headfirst without listening to her intuition.

[Pre-Chorus and Chorus repeat]

I’d kiss you as the lights went out18

Swaying as the room burned down19

I’d hold you as the water rushes in20

If I could dance with you again

[18] Reference to the supposed kiss during the 1975 concert. Now, while I don’t believe there was actually a kiss that night, I think here Taylor is lamenting that, in her regrets and in her mind, she wishes she actually had kissed Karlie openly that night, as the rest of these metaphors are merely hypothetical.

[19] Okay, so here we go. Karlie as the “fire” time! Let’s look at this progression of lyrics that lead up to this song, not looking at when these songs were written, but just how the metaphor progresses:

This Is What You Came For: “Lightning strikes everytime she moves”

Dress: “And, if I get burned, at least we were electrifying”

Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight / tangled up with you all night / Burning it down”

I am not including Call It What You Want here and the most obvious metaphor, because that one clearly takes place post-#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty. 

Either way, it seems clear that Taylor saw their early relationship as something dangerous and electrifying, that the room “burning down” was an inevitability in Wildest Dreams (think Blank Space’s “So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames”). Here, it is almost implied that Taylor didn’t sway with her as the room burned down, that they both actively distanced themselves from “the room” and avoided getting burned:

[20] This line puzzles me the most, because immediately, in context, it reminds me of Clean, but clean wasn’t about facing media scrutiny with Dianna, Clean was about getting over Dianna. In Clean Taylor doesn’t hide away from the water the way she seems to have in the fire metaphor above. She let it wash over her. 

Perhaps a case could be made that the situation of Clean was something that needed to happen due to media scrutiny, and that then here Taylor references getting ready to be separated from Karlie and get over her, but that doesn’t work because the line specifically says she’d hold her as the water rushes in. Same works for applying any sort of metaphor for it to Dianna. 

However, I will admit that Wonderland’s “You held on tight to me / ‘Cause nothing’s as it seems / And spinning out of control” does paint a nice parallel to this lyric. Still, in Wonderland there was the difference of Dianna holding onto Taylor as things got out of control, whereas in this song, Taylor wishes she had been able to hold onto Karlie. This makes sense with the timeline, as Taylor didn’t consider herself “over” Dianna until nearly a year after their supposed February 2013 breakup date, and Style was certainly written somewhere in that year. Dianna kept trying to make things work, even after the article came out about them. Taylor wishes, in the aftermath of Kissgate, that she had done that too with Karlie.

So, perhaps, this is a metaphor for the fishbowl/snowglobe breaking? Certainly Kissgate shattered their glass closeting. The grieving theme of Clean could still work here, as Taylor grieves what was her relationship before that night happened, only this time the relationship doesn’t have to end, it just gets to evolve. If the glass closet breaks, the snow globe shatters, they would’ve been out of the closet. Taylor seems to regret that here, saying that, were she to have another chance, she’d come out with Karlie then, instead of the bearding with Calvin Harris that followed.

To me this also implies that this song was written with a lot of hindsight to that moment. We have no idea when this song was written, but I would guess it’s sometime in 2016 or late 2015, after Calvin entered the picture and Taylor was shoved back into the (non-glass) closet. I think that moment is what makes the most sense for why she would’ve been reflecting on Dianna so much, as she was back in a similar situation as she was when she was with Dianna bearding-wise.

So, in conclusion, I would say this song describes the beginning of the push and pull that would eventually break Karlie and Taylor up. Taylor looks back regretfully on the glass closeting and wishes she could return to those times, if not come out herself. Karlie, on the other hand, reveled in the glass closeting specifically because she had Josh as an airtight escape plan. Obviously this would all break them apart later, when Karlie chose that escape plan over dancing with Taylor again.

And then there’s the Dianna piece of it. In reflecting on her past relationship with Dianna, I think Taylor came to the conclusion (based on the parallels with Wonderland in this song), that Dianna would have also held onto her as the water rushed in. While I think it’s unlikely this would happen, the conclusion of Taylor’s fantasy here seems to imply that Dianna would’ve been more open to coming with Taylor in the way Karlie could/would not so in conclusion… Dianna is the red rose in the lakes confirmed?

I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah we love without reason

  [1]

Wildest Dreams: “I said ‘no one has to know what we do’”

Ready For It: “I-island breeze and lights down low / no one has to know”

Dress: “Our secret moments in a crowded room / They’ve got no idea about me and you”

King of My Heart: “Late in the night, the city’s asleep / Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”

  Secret love is a theme that seems explicitly connected to Karlie. There’s not much mention of it in any 1989 song except for Wildest Dreams, which I’d argue, was written early into Karlie and Taylor’s flirtationship where, after Dianna, Taylor was unconvinced that her love with another woman would lead to anything long-term. Wildest Dreams talks about her seeing her relationship with Karlie as a temporary thing that has to end eventually. Ready For It connects to this almost word for word. 

  Dress talks about being in a situation with someone where you are both friends, and possibly hooking up, but that line between friendship and relationship hasn’t explicitly been crossed yet. I’m assuming the connection between “say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress” and “I only bought this dress so you could take it off” is on purpose. Taylor was making the most of their limited time together, still not seeing it going much further.

  King of My Heart is clearly about Karlie, if not just for the connection to the city. It also connects to the timeline of how they got together, detailed in various songs across reputation and Lover, where they sit on the roof and have a serious conversation before they fully jump into things. 

  So first line = about Karlie.

  [1]

illicit affairs: “It’s born from just one single glance / but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times”

  I haven’t been through illicit affairs thoroughly enough yet to confirm that it’s about Karlie, but I would say the song leans that way. 

  However, “without reason” seems to connect to Wonderland in so many places, but especially given the context of the line before, specifically to “Didn’t they tell us ‘don’t rush into things?’ / Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me? / Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?”

So, with that in mind, this line could refer to either Dianna or Karlie, but I’m going to go with Dianna, based on the line that follows:

  Oh, twenty five years old

Oh, how were you to know? And

  [1] Taylor was twenty five when Kissgate happened. However, Dianna was also both twenty five when she started dating Taylor, and twenty five when Shirtgate happened. I think this line could be taken as her talking to either herself or Dianna. 

  However, it should be kept in mind that Taylor rarely refers to the ages of her lovers in her songs, preferring instead to refer reflexively to herself – “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty two” “I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything” “When you’re fifteen” “It’s like I’m seventeen, nobody understands.”

  The “how were you to know” also seems to imply a sense of youthfulness and naivete. Whoever was twenty five wasn’t old enough to know what would happen. Perhaps here she’s reflecting on the fact that now, at the same age that Dianna was when they began dating, she seems to know just as little. While Dianna may have seemed older and more worldly to her when they started dating, now at the same age, Taylor has made the same mistakes she did. I think here she is talking both to Dianna and to herself.

  My love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know? I-

  Okay, there is so much work that metaphor is doing in these three lines here, so let’s go through them one by one.

  [1] Ice and frozen-ness as a theme doesn’t really show up until reputation. However, knowing that Dianna is often associated with water/a storm throughout Red and 1989 makes this line interesting. On one hand, Taylor could be saying here that whatever water/storm that was her love for Dianna had stopped moving, which is backed up by the fact that throughout the Speak Now album, Taylor refers to someone being “cold” when they are at a low point, or a relationship is dying. 

  On the other hand, there’s the whole metaphor of the “fishbowl” from the Lover music video and that being a representation of glass closeting. 

  Taylor confirmed that this room represents the 1989 Era.

  Because of this, the water metaphors get a little tricky, ESPECIALLY as it connects to the songs New Years Day and Paper Rings, because an icy pool also shows up in those stories:

  Paper Rings: “In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool / When you jumped in first, I went in too”

    So jumping into a pool seems to be a symbol for commitment, Karlie and Taylor jumping into glass closeting together… except that makes no sense for the timeline. Kissgate happened nearly two months before this pool jumping incident. So that leaves us with two options:

  New Years Day (and by extension, Paper Rings) are about Calvin Harris, who she was dating at the time this story takes place.

Taylor lied about this pool story. It isn’t real, but it IS a metaphor.

  This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: “It was so nice throwing big parties / Jump into the pool from the balcony / Everyone swimming in a champagne sea”

  TIWWCHNT explicitly connects the year 2015 to Taylor throwing wild parties and “feeling so Gatsby,” as Taylor looks back on it as a time before Kissgate or #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty where she was having a carefree amount of fun and didn’t have to face consequences for things.

  For me, this suggests that the pool/balcony story/metaphor takes place in 2014/15 rather than 2016, that it IS about glass closeting during the 1989 era, and that, metaphorically, it refers to jumping into things while Taylor was still grieving the loss of Dianna (hence, why the water is icy and cold).

  [2] As we know from the song Red, losing Dianna the first time was a blue like Taylor had never known. While many people say blue is a romantic color representing Karlie/Joe, I don’t think this origins of the theme can be ignored, especially since Taylor brings the red/gold metaphor throughout even her most recent work. The “but” in the line is also doing a lot of work here, referencing some sort of contrast between the blue and what happens next. This gives this line two interpretations:

Taylor was still feeling the blue of losing Dianna when she met Karlie, but started dating her anyways.

Karlie herself was blue over something, but still found it in her to paint Taylor gold anyways.

I’m inclined to believe the first interpretation, as that lines up the most with the idea of Taylor’s love being frozen.

  [1] Here Taylor repeats the sentiment, only this time referring to herself. To me, this means that the first “25” was indeed referring to Dianna, which I think confirms that the events of Kissgate made Taylor look back either on her relationship with Dianna and how it started OR, possibly, Dianna’s experience during Shirtgate, where afterwards she had to be shoved far back in the closet. 

  This makes there a parallel set of questions here:

How were you (Dianna), at twenty five, supposed to know what would happen if you dated me/wore that shirt onstage?

How was I (Taylor), at twenty five, supposed to know that my glass closet with Karlie Kloss, who had healed my hurt from Dianna, was going to come crashing down so quickly?

  Could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I had a bad feeling

  [1] While some wild Kaylors think this may refer to an actual locket, I think more likely this is a reference to glass closeting, as it is immediately juxtaposed with the image of someone’s (Karlie’s) hands in her pockets. This is a specifically physical gesture, and one that can be seen by other people. What is hidden is the romantic aspect of it, which is represented by the one locket Taylor can’t wear (a good metaphor considering she has matching necklaces with all her beards). This is the reality in which Taylor wanted to spend forever. 

  [2] What I think is most interesting about this section of lyrics, though, is that it seems to imply Karlie was telling Taylor everything would be fine, despite Taylor worrying that what happened with her and Dianna (gossip mags outing them and them having to break up) would happen here. I think this is likely because Karlie’s one other big relationship, with Toni Garrn, was also done in a big glass closeting way, and Karlie was now with her (likely permanent) beard Josh. Karlie assumed things were going to be fine. Taylor, who had alternative bad experiences that ruined her relationship with Dianna, had a bad feeling.

  And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it

I had a bad feeling

  [2] This is nearly the exact same phrasing as in Ready For It: “Island breeze with lights down low, no one has to know.” The connection between those lyrics and this song implies that the events preceding Kissgate were still early in their relationship (more proof that there was some overlap with Dianna).

  The word “scared” here also continues to play into Taylor’s obsession with deconstructing Christian/religious imagery (ex/ Don’t Blame Me). 

  [2] Once again, this suggests Taylor is looking back on her relationship with Dianna here. She knows there is no one in the world who can take it, because she’s already been through it with someone else.  So, when whispers started up before Kissgate (keeping in mind Taylor’s team probably knew as soon as the L Chat started talking about them), Taylor could feel things start to go downhill again, despite what Karlie said.

  But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time, first time

Yeah we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

And I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing

  [2] This imagery is so connected to the “invisible locket” in the first verse. I do not believe the first chorus refers to Kissgate specifically (I agree with Cam’s assertion on the podcast that Kaylors have this big tendency to assume Taylor is speaking about public moments in her songs). Rather, I think them “dancing with their hands tied” refers to having a relationship while glass closeting. They are doing something fun and wild, but not quite free, still limited in certain ways. However, after keeping her relationship with Dianna so (relatively) private and it still falling apart, I can see how glass closeting so openly with Karlie would’ve felt like “dancing” in comparison. 

  [2] Here again is the implication of naivete. Taylor knows it is not the first time. She has experiences that tell her this is not wise, and indeed her intuition is saying the same, and yet she is acting as if she has learned nothing from her relationship with Dianna, or even Emily, for that matter. Once again, think back to Wonderland: “Didn’t it all seem new and exciting? / I felt your arms twisting around me / I should’ve slept with one eye open at night.” Taylor has already been through this with Dianna, caught up in the excitement, unable to listen to her intuition, going into things too quickly.

  [3] This confirms that statement. Taylor’s intuition is telling her that they are getting too reckless in their glass closeting, but she is having too much fun dancing, despite the limitations, to really listen to it. And this is where the Kissgate imagery comes in, because with Josh Kushner (Karlie’s insurance) literally standing right behind them the whole night, the 1975 concert becomes the perfect (and public) representation of this, which is perhaps why Taylor chose dancing as a metaphor to begin with:

    I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us

So, baby can we dance

Oh, through an avalanche? And

Say, say that we got it?

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted

Oh, ‘cause it’s gravity

Oh, keeping you with me, I–

  [3] Here Taylor displays some awareness that outside circumstances had quite a lot of a role to play in the end of her relationships. This especially reminds me of how she framed her relationship with Dianna in Wonderland. It is no one’s fault. It is the circumstances of their relationship, and yet, despite that, they “pretended it could last forever.” 

  Taylor admits this, too, in the 1: “If one thing had been different / Would everything be different today?” To me, this implies that it was not their incompatibility that broke them up, but the one circumstance of the setting of their relationship (whether it being gay – think Taylor’s laments in The Man – or them both being celebrities, you take your pick). 

  [3] So, with the things that drove her and Dianna apart in mind, Taylor returns to the metaphor of the snowglobe from You Are In Love (“You two are dancing in a snow globe, round and round”), which itself is another representation, like the fishbowl, of a glass closet. Here, Taylor asks Karlie if they can keep dancing once the snowglobe is shaken and the snow starts flying. Think again of the metaphor of the New Year’s Eve party – Taylor associates their early glass closet relationship with snow and frozen-ness because thoughts of Dianna were still lingering, even up to this point. Even in little tiny frozen flakes, the water was still there.

  [3] I think this line may refer to a conversation between Karlie and Taylor before Kissgate, where Taylor voiced these fears, a “mess” of anxiety, and became scared Karlie would leave her (think The Archer). 

  This could also refer to Taylor still being “a mess” about Dianna when she got together with Karlie.

  [3] Karlie is the sun. Taylor is merely orbiting. Throughout this song, the implication is that Taylor has been listening to Karlie, taking cues from her, following her plan, despite her own intuitions. Think hoax – “You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?” – despite the games Karlie and Taylor were playing early in their relationship, and despite Taylor still having feelings for Dianna, Taylor fell for Karlie harder and faster than Karlie fell for her, and most likely this was why she jumped in headfirst without listening to her intuition.

  [Pre-Chorus and Chorus repeat]

  I’d kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I’d hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

  [3] Reference to the supposed kiss during the 1975 concert. Now, while I don’t believe there was actually a kiss that night, I think here Taylor is lamenting that, in her regrets and in her mind, she wishes she actually had kissed Karlie openly that night, as the rest of these metaphors are merely hypothetical.

  [4] Okay, so here we go. Karlie as the “fire” time! Let’s look at this progression of lyrics that lead up to this song, not looking at when these songs were written, but just how the metaphor progresses:

  This Is What You Came For: “Lightning strikes everytime she moves”

Dress: “And, if I get burned, at least we were electrifying”

Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight / tangled up with you all night / Burning it down”

  I am not including Call It What You Want here and the most obvious metaphor, because that one clearly takes place post-#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty. 

  Either way, it seems clear that Taylor saw their early relationship as something dangerous and electrifying, that the room “burning down” was an inevitability in Wildest Dreams (think Blank Space’s “So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames”). Here, it is almost implied that Taylor didn’t sway with her as the room burned down, that they both actively distanced themselves from “the room” and avoided getting burned:

  [4] This line puzzles me the most, because immediately, in context, it reminds me of Clean, but clean wasn’t about facing media scrutiny with Dianna, Clean was about getting over Dianna. In Clean Taylor doesn’t hide away from the water the way she seems to have in the fire metaphor above. She let it wash over her. 

  Perhaps a case could be made that the situation of Clean was something that needed to happen due to media scrutiny, and that then here Taylor references getting ready to be separated from Karlie and get over her, but that doesn’t work because the line specifically says she’d hold her as the water rushes in. Same works for applying any sort of metaphor for it to Dianna. 

  However, I will admit that Wonderland’s “You held on tight to me / ‘Cause nothing’s as it seems / And spinning out of control” does paint a nice parallel to this lyric. Still, in Wonderland there was the difference of Dianna holding onto Taylor as things got out of control, whereas in this song, Taylor wishes she had been able to hold onto Karlie. This makes sense with the timeline, as Taylor didn’t consider herself “over” Dianna until nearly a year after their supposed February 2013 breakup date, and Style was certainly written somewhere in that year. Dianna kept trying to make things work, even after the article came out about them. Taylor wishes, in the aftermath of Kissgate, that she had done that too with Karlie.

  So, perhaps, this is a metaphor for the fishbowl/snowglobe breaking? Certainly Kissgate shattered their glass closeting. The grieving theme of Clean could still work here, as Taylor grieves what was her relationship before that night happened, only this time the relationship doesn’t have to end, it just gets to evolve. If the glass closet breaks, the snow globe shatters, they would’ve been out of the closet. Taylor seems to regret that here, saying that, were she to have another chance, she’d come out with Karlie then, instead of the bearding with Calvin Harris that followed.

  To me this also implies that this song was written with a lot of hindsight to that moment. We have no idea when this song was written, but I would guess it’s sometime in 2016 or late 2015, after Calvin entered the picture and Taylor was shoved back into the (non-glass) closet. I think that moment is what makes the most sense for why she would’ve been reflecting on Dianna so much, as she was back in a similar situation as she was when she was with Dianna bearding-wise.

  So, in conclusion, I would say this song describes the beginning of the push and pull that would eventually break Karlie and Taylor up. Taylor looks back regretfully on the glass closeting and wishes she could return to those times, if not come out herself. Karlie, on the other hand, reveled in the glass closeting specifically because she had Josh as an airtight escape plan. Obviously this would all break them apart later, when Karlie chose that escape plan over dancing with Taylor again.

  And then there’s the Dianna piece of it. In reflecting on her past relationship with Dianna, I think Taylor came to the conclusion (based on the parallels with Wonderland in this song), that Dianna would have also held onto her as the water rushed in. While I think it’s unlikely this would happen, the conclusion of Taylor’s fantasy here seems to imply that Dianna would’ve been more open to coming with Taylor in the way Karlie could/would not so in conclusion… Dianna is the red rose in the lakes confirmed?

[irispublishersengineeringscience]

Iris Publishers - Global Journal of Engineering Sciences (GJES)

Air Conditioning Booster

Authored   by   Ehab Nader Tuffaha

Abstract

The study trying to utilize and allows to harness the natural and free solar energy gotten from the sun by converting the additional free enthalpy gotten as thermal and kinetic energy likewise into useful power; on other words the main concern is increasing the COP.

This type of AC will use as much solar energy as is available and convert the solar energy directly to replace the equivalent amount of AC power from the mains provider. Under optimum conditions, this can save up to 25% – 45 % of your mains power usage during the summer.

This will be most recent innovation in standalone power saving which is partially free of charge by the Sun.

The study aims to renovate the traditional refrigeration system which is normally known as compression refrigeration cycle everywhere in our buildings, so that it can be developed to take advantage of the free solar energy without complicated changes neither a completely demolishing.

Keywords: HVAC; Solar radiation; R 134a; Thermodynamics; Momentum

Introduction

Jordan is among of the most enthusiastic developing country to promote utilization of renewable energy, as very well known the solar radiation in Jordan average within 4500 Wh/m2 to8000 Wh/ m2.

More than 300 sunny days in Jordan driving us to think more seriously in renewable energy resources and somehow reduce dependence on oil consumption.

Basic thermodynamics statement that as a greater temperature difference between substances the faster heat flow, so once the refrigerant gas temperature increased then a heat rejection is higher; same what happened when the ambient temperature increases, less heat can be rejected from the air-cooled condenser to the hotter ambient.

Adding an extra heat to the cycle in order to increase ΔT between condenser and surrounding environment. Not quite, but the future will be for renewable energy, however the first step should be renovating the transition phase of the hybridized types by paving the way for the renewable sources, as there is no doubt that renewable energy does not match in any way the traditional energy that we are accustomed to in term of cost neither the required efficiency.

Methodology

Heat transferee calculations:

a) Qh = mh x Cph (Thou t-Thin) Versus b) Qc = mc x Cpc (Tc out-T c in)

Equation a here represent water system versus equation b for refrigeration cycle.

Where Q = heat energy (Joules, J) m = mass of a substance (kg) c = specific heat (unit’s J/kg∙K) Δt is a symbol meaning “the change in” temperatures

Tcout = Outlet refrigeration temperature from heat exchanger.

Tcin = Inlet refrigeration temperature from heat exchanger.

Thin = Water Inlet temperature from the solar collector to heat exchanger.

Mpemba Effect on the Refrigeration Cycle

The basic advantage is a quicker phase change from gas to liquid leading to a better sub cooling and that to less flash gas then more cooling capacity at the evaporator and with the control of the unit then to the original cooling capacity at the evaporator but with less compressor work. All the known formulas in thermodynamics can’t explain, because there is really none for the phase change except the amount of heat transferred at phase change.

We gain here 15 KW using our selected heat exchanger); Now a gas coming from a higher temperature has a much higher kinetic energy of the molecules and they kick much more into them as a result they can develop much quicker the interconnecting Vander Waals forces and as a result they liquefy quicker. Since the gas gets quicker liquid, the remaining way in the condenser is used to cool down the fully liquid further.

Where a & b are dimensions to be experimentally found. p = pressure, n= number of moles, T = temperature, V = volume and R = universal gas constant. Hence Its value will be nearby to general gas equation the given gas is at low pressure and high temperature.

PV = nRT; V = As x L, as the selected exchanger is 0.311m height,

P @ 90 C = 10 bar = 9.9 atm; V= 0.5 m3

R = 0.082 lt. atm /deg.k.mole

10 x 0.5= n x 0.082x 363

So n= 0.2

However as very known from

P1V = n1RT …; P2V = n2RT … Considering the volume is constant (Isochoric) as the heat exchanger is a small closed tank so: P2 X 0.5= 0.2 x 0.082 x 363 k ; So P2 =12 bar

Discussions and Ideas

Based on the below equations and numbers, a rapidly increasing in momentum during of heating the refrigerant gas R 134a:

As an estimation each pressure drop in heat exchanger 4m/ 100m and we have a 10 meters pipes so we have a 0.4 bar =4079 kgf/m2 (kg per sq. meter); let us multiply the factors as below:

0.2 kg/s (refrigerant flow rate) x 4079 kg/m2 x 0.02 m3/kg (specific volume @ 40 c & 2 bar) = 16 kg.m/s

This unit is a momentum, so let us try to get the momentum @ 90 c & 10 bar:

0.2 kg/s (refrigerant flow rate) x 4079 kg/m2 x 0.3m3/kg (specific volume @ 90 c & 10 bar) = 245 kg.m/s.

This is mean each change in momentum is a new specific impulse on other words this is producing a thrust force which is also a gain for the cycle.

Conclusion

• The system clearly shows that COP is increased from 4.3 to 5.5, by converting solar thermal energy to sub cooling additional for the refrigeration cycle.

• The system adds more 2 bars to the refrigeration cycle consequently increasing in the entropy as mean a quicker phase change due to quicker set-up of intermolecular bindings because of v Van der Waals forces yielding additional sub-cooling.

• The most important is we don’t have to increase condenser surface. It is very well capable to remove the additional heat, the Formula Q = alpha X surface x delta T. Alpha is heat transfer coefficient and does not change, If Delta T increases due to higher temperature of the refrigerant entering the condenser, the condenser just transfers more heat. The environment as the heat absorbing media is capable of taking up that additional heat. For more explanation, let say what happened with radiators: if you flush water with a temperature of 45 °C through the radiator, it does not provide that much heat as if you flush water through with a temperature of 90 °C so the radiator is capable of doing the job.

Basically W (KJ/Kg) = ∫p*dv, however the dv in heat exchanger considered zero by other words it’s an Isochoric Work When V is held constant and P changes W = 0 Because gas is not doing any work but as surrounding adds energy to internal energy of gas That’s why Cp is always greater than Cv Specific heat capacity at constant pressure is always greater than Specific heat capacity at constant volume, now once the gas goes through the condenser a quicker phase change occurred there cause When gas expands it has to do work to push environment to create space for its expansion by spending energy from its internal energy that’s why suddenly Gas cools down.

Addendum

Data Analysis

The below study shows if reduce refrigerant up to certain limit could be useful for COP, however should we not reach to the maximum temperature of 120 c which is the critical temperature, however power consumption is reduced accordingly (Table 1).

The below are a figure out and illustrations using Mollier diagrams which is a very common for systems with fixed compressor speed = fixed mass flow. DC Inverter units with variable mass flows and many changes in circuit offer wide range of mollier diagrams will be a high improvement for the proposed system .

To read more about this article  https://irispublishers.com/gjes/fulltext/air-conditioning-booster.ID.000612.php

Indexing List of Iris Publishers: https://medium.com/@irispublishers/what-is-the-indexing-list-of-iris-publishers-4ace353e4eee

Iris publishers google scholar citation : https://scholar.google.co.in/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=irispublishers&btnG=

[magaprima]

Part 2 Episode 6 Analysis (3/?) (i.e the horrible scene where Adam is served on a plate)

And now we come to That Dinner. Firstly, the table has been set, the vegetables cooked and prepared, the candles lit, and that’s a lot of small details and there’s music and everything’s just clearly prepared for a romantic meal, and while I know Lucifer clearly wanted to lure Lilith into a false sense of security, I can’t imagine him being someone to ever have the patience to do all that and to make it right, to make ti feel genuinely sweet and romantic. So the torturous part of me thinks that he killed Adam in the cottage, or in the garden, possibly while Adam was making dinner, so all these preparations were Adam’s, but then Lucifer killed him and made him the main course. But regardless, this does mean, as Lilith is eating a cooked steak, that Lucifer went to the effort of not just killing Adam, but getting him into a sizeable portion that fit in Mary’s oven? Side note: Mary must get a new oven if Lilith didn’t already rip the thing out. Second side note; where was the rest of Adam’s body? What did Lucifer do with it?

“You are a man of many talents, Adam; this roast is delicious”

This line kills me for two reasons. The way she says ‘many talents’ suggests she has seen his other talents, that she’s gotten to know him so well that she knows his skills, she knows what he’s good at. It also nicely implies some sexual/romantic gifts. The other reason this line kills me is that she thinks the roast is delicious, in a way that suggests it’s extra delicious, more so than usual....and it’s just, in retrospect (or in foreshadowing for that matter), the confirmation that Lilith feasts on male flesh. She doesn’t eat it, it’s not something she has to have to survive like a vampire with blood, it’s something she feasts on (her own choice of words) which is to say it’s something she indulges in, it’s a treat, it’s something she really enjoys. And the fact Lucifer knows this about her, and knows how much she’ll enjoy the taste because of how much she enjoys feasting on male flesh, and uses it against her, knowing that not only would she be horrified to realise who she is eating but that it would likely permanently ruin her enjoyment of feasting on male flesh permanently (as it is interesting we never see her eat human again after this episode)...is just such a specifically cruel way to torment and punish her. 

“I promised you deliciousness once upon a time”

Lilith is so blissfully content and blissfully ignorant in that contentment, she totally misses the clue in that line. The promise of deliciousness, the phrase, the implication it is, is always tied to Satan.....yet she doesn’t even blink, she’s too happy and satisfied in this little world she believes she still has. 

Now when Lucifer!Adam says ‘Dessert is your reward for saying yes to Tibet’, the first time I watched it and we didn’t know Adam was dead, I immediately had the thought of ‘oh so now we’re seeing who the real Adam is, that he’s not as nice as he’s appeared, we’re going to find out he’s controlling and abusive’, because that phrase was so out of character for Adam. It was the sort of demanding thing he never does, and it’s like even when Lucifer is pretending to be Adam he can’t manage to mimic him right, because Adam respects women and respected Lilith and would never imply such a demand-and-reward attitude. And you do see Lilith pause at this, as if thinking it odd or dislikeable herself. Which is why she stares at him and says ‘I haven’t said yes yet’ in her usual defiant way. 

Yet, when Lucifer!Adam replies ‘but....you’re going too’, she reconsiders and seems to think that rather than being demanding it was simply Adam knowing her well enough to have already guessed her answer, and this reveals a lot about her feelings for Adam, how much she loved him. She presumes he knows her that well now, because she feels that open and free with him, she may not have told him her real name, but she isn’t acting like anyone but herself, the ‘new Mary’ he believes he’s seeing is just Lilith without much filter at all. So therefore, he knows her in her opinion. Then  it also tells us that she loves him and knows him so much that she knows he wouldn’t ever demand anything of her, he would never hold something over her head, so she therefore ‘knows’ it can only be that he’s teasing her. Which would have been true....if Adam wasn’t actually fucking Lucifer. 

And it’s in that moment, that moment when she thinks she’s realised he knows her so well and she’s come to the conclusion she also knows him, and it’s this knowing-each-other-respectful-love that she makes her decision about Tibet. She takes a huge breath, she pauses, she sets her wine down; we are in no doubt that this is not an easy or sudden decision for Lilith, this is a big deal. She knows in saying yes to Tibet she is giving up being Satan’s right hand (or left hand as they’ve said in the show), she is giving up playing her role in the prophecy, she is giving up Lucifer, and most importantly, she knows she is giving up the throne. That is a huge fucking deal. And she is giving it up, because for the first time in her life, Lilith has a choice for happiness. Before she’s had choices between freedom and prison, death and survival, power and powerlessness, this is the first time ‘happy’ has been part of the choice, and when given a choice between happiness and power...she’s choosing happiness. And that says a lot about her character and her true nature. And it’s such a big fucking deal. 

And the moment she says ‘Yes, I am’ and takes a bite, is the moment the audience gets a flash of what’s to come. It’s a single frame, a glimse of the future that lasts no more than a single frame of a second, showing Adam’s head and Satan sat at the table. We know the truth before Lilith does, which is like saying ‘this is a joke on her. this entire conversation was a farce at her expense’. But it’s so quick, you don’t really see it unless you freeze frame by frame, it’s subliminal, giving us the sense something is very wrong as we then hear the unnatural crunch to Lilith’s bite and we see her pull out the enchanted ring

"How did that get in there?”

Okay, let me just cry at this line. Lilith says this so breathless with genuine confusion, she’s so bewildered because she cannot understand what’s happening. Lilith is usually the first to click about what’s going on, she’s also a very suspicious person, and as Ambrose says she notices everything, but right now, despite every sign telling her something is horribly wrong, she’s oblivious. She was that content in her little happy bubble that she forgot for a moment that Lucifer is an abusive arsehole who murders people and tortures her to keep her in her place. She was so lost in her feelings about Adam, and the hope of having a new, free life, and of going to Tibet, that she briefly thought she lived in a world without the Dark Lord. And it’s just so freaking innocent; the way she says it is one of those flashes we get of the way Lilith was in the beginning. The innocent, hopefully, yet strong and rebellious Lilith from the beginning, the one who had yet to suffer betrayals. 

Even when she sees his clawed hands, even when she looks up and looks straight in the Dark Lord’s face, it doesn’t click straight away. She’s surprised, she’s fearful, but the penny still hasn’t fully dropped. She’s in a state of denial, as if subconsciously, she still naively hopes that Adam is somewhere else, that he’s just at the shops while Satan is here tormenting her. just like when he spoke to her that night, threatening her, while Adam was in bed, utterly oblivious to it all. 

And then you see the fear deepening in her eyes as she glances down at the table, and I think, even  before Lucifer lifts the platter, she’s already starting to finally realise why the steak tasted like it did, and how the ring got into her meal, but she still doesn’t want to confirm it. You see how much she tries not to look at the platter, but it’s unavoidable....and then she can’t take her eyes away. And you can physically see her trying not to try, she is trying her hardest to hold back her sobs and, what I suspect, would be a scream of horror. She doesn’t want to give Lucifer the satisfaction, it’s a knee-jerk habit she undoubtedly has learned over the millennia to show as little weakness as possible, but this is really testing her. You can see the horror on her face and you can also see her heart slowly breaking in two, you can physically feel it. Everything she thought she had, everything she was counting on all of thirty seconds ago, just thirty fucking seconds, has all be taken away, violently, cruelly and deliberately. And then, what is both more heartbreaking and also interesting, is we see her horror start to turn to panic. She starts breathing erratically, because not only is she having to face this horror before her, but she also has Lucifer’s words in her ears, reminding her of what it all means:

“Our bond is eternal. Our bond is unbreakable. There is no escape to Tibet or anywhere else”

He is telling her that no matter what he does to her, no matter how he treats her, no matter how she changes her mind, no matter how her desires may change, no matter how she might want other things, no matter what she does, no matter whether she wants to serve him or not, no matter whether she wants to be with him or not, she has no choice. There is a bond between them that is eternal and unbreakable. Two interesting choice of words, as we know witches and warlocks sign the Book of the Beast as part of a contract, but it’s never said to be eternal or unbreakable, and from what we saw at Sabrina’s trial we know there are loopholes. We also know that Lilith never signed the book and was a witch in her own right, so any bond between them was never in exchange for power. So the fact there is a bond between them at all should be something self made. But the fact it is an eternal and unbreakable bond tells us it’s something beyond the norm, it’s something deeper than signing a Book, it’s something bigger than family, or even King or Queen, it is something ancient and powerful. Their stories are entwined, and Lucifer uses this to his abusive advantage. But the language choice is so interesting and revealing, and is perhaps the more mystical way of saying what Lilith qualified as ‘co-dependent’. 

He is also telling her that he knew precisely what Tibet was for her, he know she wants to escape, he knows her thoughts have changed, that her ambitious and priorities have shifted and that her loyalty has wavered and is waning also, he knows exactly what Tibet meant to her on every level, and Lilith is realising as she listens that as he has taken Tibet away, he will take away anything else she ever tries. He is reminding her that she is trapped. And as she looks at Adam’s severed head, she is seeing the person who respected her and made her feel happy and genuinely free has been ripped from her life, and all she is left with once more is nothing but her abuser. 

“Now, clear your plate of the mortal”

This instruction is horrendous. We don’t see her following this order, we only know that she does by the vomiting scene. But after telling her precisely what is on her plate, he makes her eat it. Bear in mind, she canonically states that Adam was the ‘one thing’ that she loved, bear in mind that we saw her excessively happy with him in the previous scene, bear in mind she was a minute ago planning to run off to Tibet with him, and she is being made to look at his severed head on the table, his dead eyes staring at her, while she eats a steak made of his fucking torso. She is made to clean her fucking plate. That is trauma that not even the rightful Queen of Hell is going to get over any time soon (hence why she broke into fucking horrified panic in Part 3). But thankfully, we’re spared seeing that scene.....all we watch is the moment where Lilith finally breaks.

You know that defence I mentioned above where she tries not to cry and you can see she knows showing weakness makes him win and makes everything worse and you can see her employing her usual survival techniques? That all goes the moment he tells her to clean her plate and she knows she’s going to have to, because she’s all alone and there’s no one going to help her, no one going to defend her or support her. She breaks, we see her give into the sobs. A choking sob, before she covers her mouth, trying to hold it back, but there’s no denying it, she’s not hiding it, she’s had her heart broken. Again. 

[davidmann95]

Finally, Crisis on Infinite Earths?

Let’s dispense with any pretense right up front: CW’s Crisis on Infinite Earths is thoroughly dopey, punishingly cheap, and unselfconciously corny in the most heavy-handed ways. It is also, similarly in the spirit of wanting to be direct, probably my favorite live-action DC thing other than The Dark Knight. It’s pure, uncut, unapologetic dork superhero joy injected right into the jugular, every single ambition that a primetime network television soap/procedural/mini-MCU homunculus adaptation of the biggest comic book event of all time could have ever conceivably achieved and far beyond. Not in question that I substantially prefer it to the source material, and it’s if nothing else worth regarding as the singular achievement that it is and will remain: when the movies get around to a Crisis someday, the shared ongoing TV/cinematic universe paradigm means there aren’t going to be fistfuls of actors from past interpretations to draw from the way this could for much longer. This was in all likelihood the one shot to do this in the way everyone wanted it to be done, and it held together.

Not that much in the way of deep analysis to offer, and I already discussed the first three episodes, so let’s just get into it:

* Malthus! Low on the totem pole of shock DCU minutia, but I was mighty pleased.

* Not nor have I ever been much of a shipper, but “Do you trust me?” “With every cell in my body.” is the gayest thing I have ever seen, my lord.

* Literally everything with Lex in here is solid shining gold.

* For all the elements I had assumed were givens that didn’t happen - not that I was bothered by much of it other than I really do wish Danny Trejo had been here - Ezra Miller putting his money where his mouth is was in my dang joke category of stuff that was obviously never going to happen. What an absolute delight, and moreover I had thought in the first place “This scene really feels deliberately structured such that it would fit as a scene in the Flash movie, especially given this is where this version has the idea for the name? But that seems so unlikely!” and then Guggenheim confirmed that the CEO of WB specifically asked for that scene to be included, so I guess the Flash movie is going to be a covert sequel/companion piece to the friggin’ CW Crisis! Even if Gustin’s possibly only in the one bit though, I do hope this means Tom Cavanaghhas at least a cameo.

* The killer dumb as hell line aside, Oliver vs. the Anti-Monitor was conspicuously the best special effect in the whole thing, they clearly blew a lot of the budget on that.

* Wolfman got to be the one to tell them the Earths had been merged! And kudos to him co-writing the Arrow episode, which was probably the best of the lot from a pure storytelling/dramatic standpoint; when I say this was leaps and bounds better than the original Crisis, that’s not a knock on him.

* BEEBO. And Sargon the Sorcerer! But BEEBO. Hopefully him appearing at the height of all this and being a thing the non-Legends have to deal with is a sign of the weirdness continuing to be upped across the board.

* The final plan to defeat the Anti-Monitor is the most beautiful Silver Age nonsense, to the point that I’m fine with the last battle basically being in a Vancouver back alley the way I’d said they’d written themselves out of being able to do a year ago. And while there’s an argument to be made that from an in-universe perspective it should have been Flash to deal the final blow given this has been built up on his show since day one, it feels right that Supergirl as his biggest classic casualty scored the win. Either way, the idea of a teeny-tiny Anti-Monitor bein’ all grumpy in the Microverse for all eternity is a delight. Apparently some complained that he was a boring stock villain in this, but folks, I got some bad news about what they’re drawing from.

* Heat Wave is living his best life and we should all be so blessed.

* Given his backseat role as essentially the most important of the non-central characters, all I was truly rooting for with Hoechlin’s Superman in terms of strutting his super-stuff was getting one good hit in against the Anti-Monitor, and then it turned out he was one of the only three (or four if you count Oliver) who did out of the 50+ or so superheroes in total here, so I was a happy camper. And itty-bitty Superman was funny right away, but even funnier when I realized that was basically making Hoechlin an Atom to go with Routh’s Superman. Can’t wait for the show.

* I assume that as I’ve seen others suggest Earth-12 is meant to be the HBO Green Lantern series and they simply used the related footage they had available, but that movie of all movies therefore getting a shout-out in here is both hysterical and somehow perfect: everything has its place.

* Routh lives, in what might be a brighter rewritten timeline! This could easily be his sendoff and it’d be a perfect one, but I’d of course be more than pleased for him to fill a Kal-L role in Superman & Lois.

* “The first of our heroes”? Did Green Arrow precede Superman, which would be a change in at least one of their timelines? Wasn’t Black Lightning a hero awhile back? Or is this just in the sense of him being the first public human hero? The real answer is that it’s an acknowledgment of his real-world role as the guy who kicked all this off and the logistics don’t matter.

* Justice League! Justice League! Justice League!

* Wonder what the next crossover’s going to be? Easy answers would be something with Superman in the lead now that he’ll be fully in the fold (I understand the 90s crossover Panic in the Sky! was meant for much the same purpose of positioning him as a leader in-universe), or a Dark Nights: Metal adaptation with Batwoman center stage, but the producers have been adamant that the next entry will be something smaller. Maybe a set of mini-crossovers of two or three shows in blocks, or a subplot building across multiple shows that culminates in one or two big episodes with the League banding together. I’d love for their first adventure as a formal team to be fighting Starro (he could emerge as a Lovecraftian threat ala how Morrison treated him in JLA, only for J’onn to link them up to his mind and he turns out to be the hilarious doofus bully from Metal, but the first big crossover was already an alien invasion that involved a bunch of superheroes being mind-controlled, so there is the concern that it could come off as redundant. I’m still in favor of it though, as it could get us a live-action Jarro.

So there we go, there was a live-action Crisis on Infinite Earths. Whereas its source was dopey junk food in service of tearing down a lot of cool stuff, this was dopey junk food in service of delivering and setting up more cool stuff to come, so I’ll stand by this being the better of the two. What a start to the decade; I grew up with 2020 as The Year Of The Future in the same way I know many did with 2000, and nothing could be more of a signifier that we live in a changed world as far as superheroes’ place in mass-media from when I was a kid than this.

[ellaenchanting]

Hypnovember Day 27: Confidence

Warnings: non-consensual, unethical mental health practices 

Richard paced nervously outside in the waiting room. The blue walls and minimalist style were clearly designed to be soothing, but Richard didn't feel comforted. Why had he let Marissa talk him into going to therapy anyway? He felt ashamed of asking for this kind of help. He wasn't crazy or anything- he just needed to figure some things out. Ever since Marissa had broken up with him, Richard had felt lost and unconfident. It had been over two years already. He needed some perspective.

Dr Eleanor had been recommended to Richard by his friend Jon who had seen her previously. "She won’t bullshit you," he had said, "she just gets right to the roots of your issues and helps you solve them." He must have known what he was talking about- a year after visiting Dr Eleanor, Jon had recently married a wonderful woman. He was also running marathons and succeeding professionally. There were worse people to listen to, Richard thought.

So Richard booked an appointment. Some of the questions on Dr Eleanor's website had seemed a bit odd- there was a surreal one where she asked him to imagine a beach and indicate if he could picture the sand, hear the waves, or feel the sun better- but he was here. Ready to be thereapized. Ready to feel better.

"Richard?" called a voice from the office. Dr Eleanor looked very similar to her website picture- older and stylish with cat eye glasses and dark greying hair. She smiled at him. "Come in!"

Her therapy office was a little darker than he expected, but it felt comfortable and was tastefully-decorated. He sank slightly more than he expected into the large plush chair as he sat down. He noticed the position of the blinders and the way their positioning directed light onto him and his chair.

Dr Eleanor offered to make them some tea, which Richard accepted. While she was working, he tried to identify what the office smelled like. There was a dark, musty smell that was almost a little overpowering- not like the patchouli he had vaguely been anticipating. It wasn't unpleasant necessarily but- odd. He'd have to ask her about it later- maybe even politely request that she not use it during future sessions.

If there were future sessions, that is.

Dr Eleanor gave him some tea and watched expectantly as he took a sip. Then she started out the session by explaining her therapeutic style. She stated that a lot of her clients suffered from problematic relationship patterns and, thus, she liked to use the therapist/client relationship as a model for examining and learning how to better navigate others. She indicated that she would ask a lot of questions even from the beginning about the relationship between herself and Richard. She also wanted to let him know that she used a lot of visualization and meditation practices in her work. Based on his intake, she thought Richard would respond very well to these.

After getting his consent, Dr Eleanor asked him to tell her a little about his history of confidence issues. He started by detailing his relationship with his mother. She had been a classic over-protective single mother who limited his ability to explore as a kid. He grew up relatively sheltered and timid but  was academically successful until he went to college. There, his first taste of freedom had led to  issues with alcohol and him nearly dropping out several times.  He told the story of meeting his ex Marissa in the last year of school and how she inspired him to pull himself together enough to graduate. They were happy together for a few years, but she had broken up with him 2 years ago. Although they had remained friends, his life had fallen apart in the ensuing years since the breakup.  He had lost his confidence and was feeling aimless.

As he talked, Richard noticed that he was beginning to feel more and more at ease with Dr Eleanor- it seemed like somehow she could truly understand and empathize with everything he was saying. He noticed a few times that she even shifted in her chair when he shifted or moved when he moved- like they were sharing the same mind for a moment. Occasionally she would interrupt his story to ask a few, sometimes unrelated questions. (Who was his favorite teacher as a child? How did he feel when she was paying attention to him? In what ways was she similar to Dr Eleanor? What drew him to his romantic interests? What had made Richard choose therapy with her?)

It was comfortable here, having this conversation with her. Almost too comfortable. He noticed the musty smell from before again, only it smelled a bit sweeter now. It was nice, he decided. Heady.  The sun was setting and the light was flashing through the blinds and tiring his eyes a bit. 

He didn't mind, though. He felt good and warm and peaceful.

Dr Eleanor must have noticed. She observed that he was blinking more often. She asked him if all of this processing was making him tired.

Tired? Suddenly that seemed very true.  He nodded, eyes blinking heavily.

She nodded along with him, “You know, often when people come to therapy they’re just so tired. Tired of having to cope with their life stressors on their own. Tired of trying to seek out meaning by themselves. Tired of trying to solve problems all by themselves. Are you feeling tired in that way?”

Richard nodded again, suddenly feeling too drowsy and heavy to speak. That was ok. He felt more inclined to listen right now, anyway. 

Dr Eleanor leaned forward as she continued. “So- let me reflect back to you what I’ve heard so far this session. You’re someone who has been struggling, all by himself, to try and make good decisions for your wellbeing and for your future. But when you try to make those decisions independently, you find that you aren’t strong enough to carry through with them and you fail or succumb to laziness. You thrive when you have a powerful woman in your life to push you and give you guidance, but deep inside there’s a self-sabotaging part of you that rejects help and dysfunctionally seeks self-reliance. This is despite knowing that on some level that you’re the kind of person who isn't really able to thrive alone. You feel guilty about your need for guidance and are trapped by the demands of a toxic masculinity into fruitlessly following your undisciplined urges into ruin, over and over again.” She stopped and looked at him kindly. “I can see why you’re so sad.”

How did she understand him so well after such a short time? Her analysis was incredible and felt so accurate. He wanted to tell her this, but the spinny feeling in his head had increased while she was talking and it was had to think of the words. He settled on nodding again. 

She nodded along. Her tone softened more as her face took on a gentle, concerned expression. “You ARE tired.  You poor thing, you’re been so alone. So helpless.  You must be exhausted.”

He nodded, tears welling up in the corner of his eyes. 

Her smile softened. “I want you to try something. Try saying it: ‘I need guidance’ See how it feels.”

As a small tear formed, he repeated “I need guidance.” He blinked and it fell down his cheek.

She beamed. “Good! Excellent! Now- let’s practice an important skill. I know this may be unusual for you to do but it’s really important to be able to ask for help. Why don’t you try asking me directly for guidance now?”

“Please guide me, Dr Eleanor” he asked her. He started to feel like he was floating away, far above the chair. 

“Of course I will, sweet boy. Why don’t you close your eyes and we’ll do some meditation exercises.”

Richard’s eyes slammed shut and he was momentarily overwhelmed by the sweet relief of finally being able to relax and let go. Dr. Eleanor started speaking to him, guiding him through some visualization exercises. He couldn’t quite remember everything afterwards- he might have dozed- but he did have a vague fuzzy recollection of re-examining some early childhood memories. Dr Eleanor guided Richard through remembering times when he felt like he knew best but his decisions had been wrong or unwise. “The silly brashness of an ignorant boy,” she said. She noted when his mother and other women around him had guided him safely to better outcomes than he could anticipate on his own. 

At one point, Richard started to have a dream about a particularly difficult moment in elementary school- only, this time, when things were hard, Dr Eleanor was there. He could feel her hand on his shoulder as she helped him through a hard time, providing the  guidance and direction and care that he needed. It was so nice to re-remember his childhood this way- safe and secure and peaceful. It was nice to not have to make decisions. It was nice to let someone else be in control. It was nice to be guided.

“Well, time’s up!”

Richard opened his eyes, snapping out of his reverie.

Dr Eleanor was rapidly writing down some notes on her notepad. She looked up, briefly. “You’ll be coming back the same time next week, yes?”

Richard felt gleeful at the prospect. Finally, he was going to get the guidance he needed to get his life back on track. “Yes Dr Eleanor! Thank you Dr Eleanor!” 

Her smile was business-like. “Good. You may leave.”

Richard beamed, feeling energized and fantastic leaving the office. He never imagine therapy could work this well!  He understood himself so much more fully and felt so much better just from  one session. Why hadn't anyone told him it could be this effective? 

As he left the office, the thought came to his mind of bringing Dr Eleanor a gift at the next session. After all, it was the least he could do to repay all her help so far.  She deserved something nice.

He whistled as he made his way to the car, considering the prospect. Then he hopped in and drove away-  into his new life.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 194: Dream Analysis and Joint Battle Training

Previously on BnHA: Deku had a freaky dream! All the previous wielders of OFA were there (although we couldn’t see all of them clearly), and there was an epic flashback starring the first one, All For One’s Brother. He spent most of the flashback screaming at All for One to stop toying with people and using them for his own purposes. AFO spent most of the flashback ignoring his brother completely and being a bad bitch. He built an army of loyal followers who eventually grew bold enough to start taking violent and even lethal action against AFO’s enemies. Then one day he came to see his little bro again, and they talked about an old comic they read as children. AFO was inspired by the villain in the story, but his bro identified with the story’s hero, who never gave up in spite of the struggle, until he finally won and saved everyone. AFO was all “well that’s just a story,” which was some great fucking irony right there, and then he bestowed his brother with a quirk, thus unknowingly sealing his own doom. OFA Primo then turned to Deku and started talking to him, telling him there was more he wanted to show him but that this was all he could manage right now. But he told Deku “you are not alone.” And then Deku woke himself up by activating some sort of new power in his hand, inadvertently destroying half of his fucking room in the process.

Today on BnHA: Deku tells All Might about the dream and about how OFA Primo spoke to him. All Might says he’s seen the “Vestiges” of One for All in the past, but that they’d never communicated with him. Shimura had told him about that phenomenon though. Apparently the wills of the past OFA wielders are contained within the quirk as part of its power. But All Might has no clue regarding the explosion that took place when Deku woke up, and he tells Deku that for now, they’ll search for the answers together. As Deku heads off to his afternoon training session, he runs into Aizawa and Shinsou in the hall. We then cut to the industrial training ground area, where class 1-A shows off their various cold weather gear, including Katsuki, who’s got almost a whole new look going on and I love it and never want him to go back tbh. Class 1-B then joins them, and we learn that today’s class will be a joint training exercise. Oh, and there’s going to be a special guest -- Shinsou, who is still trying to transfer into the hero department. And he’s also sporting a familiar-looking capture scarf around his neck.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 213 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

so it’s the middle of the night still, and Deku is out running because he couldn’t fall back asleep

ahhhhh look at his cool winter gym uniform!

incidentally, the title of this chapter is “Wintery Sky! U.A. High!” and yesssss we’re finally getting into winter now! THAT MEANS A CERTAIN SOMEONE SHOULD BE GETTING HIS NEW COSTUME ANY DAY NOW, I THINK. I CAN’T WAIT AHHHHHH

and a brief flashback now of Aoyama giving Deku some cheese to make him feel better after his episode

true friendship right here

and now Deku’s continuing to run, and thinking that even though it was a dream, he remembers it as clear as day

that’s because it wasn’t just a dream, Deku. those are memories, obviously. memories which are now a part of you bud

it looks like his hand’s back to normal. I wonder what quirk it was that he activated?

also is he allowed to be out at night like this? you trying to get yourself put under house arrest again or what?

YOOOOOOOOOO

THIS IS THE COOLEST FUCKING SHIT OH MY GODDDD

though it’s looking more like androgynous trenchcoat dude is indeed just a dude. well, whatever!

at least we finally get to see the First’s face! yessss I’m so hyped this is the coolest fucking thing ever

and now we’re cutting to U.A. the next morning!

oh my god

ALL MIGHT YOU GOT SOME ‘SPLAININ’ TO DO

LOOK AT DEKU’S ANNOYED FACE

YOU KNOW HE FUCKING DID, DEKU. WHAT ELSE HAS THIS ASSHOLE BEEN HIDING FROM YOU. HE NEVER TELLS HIM SHIT

still trying to figure out exactly how old All Might was when he received OFA. we know Shimura died before his last year of high school. and he seems to have met her when in middle school. I guess he most likely received it around the same age as Deku but just had a better handle on controlling the strength part of it as he explained in the previous arc

so Deku’s explaining that he watched until the point where the First received OFA, and then after that the dude started talking directly to him

...does Deku actually think that All Might omitted this by accident? does he not realize All Might was deliberately untruthful?

...

...is this true or not. damn it

I’m inclined to think no, because All Might has a history of Not Telling Deku Things

anyways we’re flashing back to when Shimura told him about this

ah, so is this the explanation for why a power-stockpiling quirk would also stockpile memories, and even what appear to be souls? you’re saying it’s his predecessors’ wills?

(ETA: somewhat disturbing but also intriguing thought that just occurred to me. we know that AFO’s quirk and OFA’s quirk are related. they’re more or less opposites of each other, but they both grew out of the same bloodline. so if OFA can pass along the previous users’ wills, does it then stand to reason that AFO can do the same thing? when AFO imparts a new quirk on someone, is he also imparting a little bit of the previous quirk owner’s will? could that be one of the reasons why the process often overloaded people’s minds and turned them into “puppets”? and also, if this is the case, does that mean there’s actually a 10th person’s will hidden somewhere within OFA? whoever it was who originally owned the power-stockpiling quirk in the first place?

one last thought -- if this is the case, wouldn’t it be great if this is part of what leads to AFO’s eventual downfall? all the quirks he’s stolen over the years betray him, with their owners’ wills working to battle against him in his own mind. kinda makes me wonder whether Horikoshi has ever read FMA.)

and in fact All Might did experience this when he fought All for One for the last time, now that I think of it. pretty sure I even made note of it at the time. Shimura was there telling him to remember his origin. although by that point he’d already given up OFA to Deku, so it’s hard to say for sure. but I’m still choosing to believe it really was her, offering him her strength and support when he needed it the most

always with the not saying things. why do I stan this frustrating man so badly omg

the more we see of All Might, the more I recall what he said to Endeavor about having a tendency to push everyone away from him. and it seems like even with Deku, his beloved protege whom he loves and supports with all his heart and is devoted to, there is still some part of him that he has closed off there. either to protect him, or just out of habit by this point. he’s just used to holding everything in and never confiding in anyone. and damn it but why are all of my faves like this

now Deku’s snapping him out of his reverie and All Might’s like “oh yeah wait a sec”

whoa, but it seems like not even he understands what happened there?

so he doesn’t know about the whole passing along the quirks thing? or is he keeping it secret? tbh I cannot think of a single reason why he would keep that knowledge from him if he did know, because it could potentially be super dangerous. and obviously All Might only ever had the one quirk himself. so I’m thinking now that this is indeed something that only Deku has awakened thus far, which is super interesting

(ETA: so the verdict appears to be in, and it seems he didn’t know. also, yet again here is another mention of that quirk singularity shit. you sure have awakened something dangerous my little green son.)

damn it All Might

he seems so genuine... I feel like he really is telling him the truth for the most part. or maybe he knew it was a possibility but he never experienced it much himself and so he figured it would be the same for Deku

so what I’m taking from this then is that while All Might was a natural when it came to figuring out the physical side of OFA, maybe Deku’s more naturally gifted when it comes to the spiritual side? I’m starting to think of it in Avatar: The Last Airbender terms now lol. All Might was more of a Korra while Deku is an Aang

(ETA: and you know, I think that analogy can even be stretched to their respective coming-of-age processes as well. like Korra, All Might went through the normal training process and was given time to master his power. but Deku is more like Aang in that he hasn’t had that same benefit of being able to learn all of this gradually. like Aang, he’s kind of been thrust right into the thick of things before he was fully prepared for it, and a lot of his growth has been of the trial by fire variety.

and this is only going to get worse from here, because the League of Villains is not going to wait until little All Might Jr. is all grown up before making their move. Deku is going to be put to the test soon, and he won’t be ready for it, and he’ll have to do it anyway because the fate of the world may depend on it. I know the whole SIXQUIRKS thing potentially looks like a massively overpowered upgrade at first glance, but the thing is that he’s still a kid, and he has no idea how to use this shit. look at how much he’s struggled learning how to use just one quirk without killing himself. now throw in six new ones with no training manual. and on top of that they’ve all been cranked up to 11 thanks to that quirk singularity(TM) shit. basically it’s going to be a hot fucking mess that will probably get him into as much trouble as it helps get him out of. he’s still going to be figuring out what percentages he can safely use, and he’ll be forced to put his Big Hero Brain to the test in new and fascinating ways as he comes up with strategies to use whatever he does manage to figure out.

and meanwhile he’ll be up against Tomura and the League and -- eventually -- AFO himself. much like Aang inevitably had to take on Ozai even though he was only 12 years old and his training wasn’t complete. I’m anticipating something similar for Deku in the endgame here, and I think it’s going to be an amazing ride and I can’t wait.)

so now Deku is smiling and he says he’ll do his best

oh!

;_;

;_______;

(1) THIS IS THE PUREST INTERACTION THAT’S EVER GRACED THIS MANGA’S PAGES, and (2) HELL YEAH SHE FUCKING WAS

(ETA: this makes me so fucking sad now because I’m sure All Might would give anything to be able to see and talk to Shimura again one last time. if Horikoshi does kill him off I hope he gets to see her first.)

so now they’re heading out and All Might’s escorting Deku to his next class and says he’s gonna watch and that it seems like it’ll be fun

and they’re running into Aizawa who’s stepping out into the hall himself

OH SHIT

WAS HE JUST MEETING WITH SHINSOU??

okay but I’m pretty sure Shinsou hasn’t been accepted into the hero program yet? because truthfully this is another thing I’m pretty sure I’ve been spoiled for, though that was kind of an inevitable development so to me it’s not a huge spoiler. but anyways pretty sure that won’t happen until around chapter 216 though so this meeting can’t have been about that

given that this is not the first time we’ve seen these two together, I think we can assume that Aizawa has been mentoring him off and on? I keep seeing Shinsou included as one of Aizawa’s kids in fanfics (maybe once I finish this arc I can finally read some of those), so I’m guessing it’s something like that. he’s so addicted to being a good dad that he goes out of his way to find even more kids to adopt in his free time. jesus christ

huh, Shinsou seems much happier than he was the last time we saw him!

... [hair ruffles]

LOL AIZAWA

THIS CLOSE-UP STARTLED THE SHIT OUT OF ME LMAO

and now we’re cutting to one of the training grounds! I think this is the one where they had that race that one time right after the Hero Killer arc. but I forget the name of it though

AHHHHHHH

WINTER CLOTHES

why the fuck can’t Momo wear a cape all the time!?

Tsuyu’s winter gear seems less extreme than I thought and I’m a bit surprised! but I guess it must be warmer than it looks

all Mina did was add a fur collar. girl you are going to freeze your ass off

no comment on Hagakure but you all know what I think already lol

AND WHERE IS MY SON WHO I KNOW FOR A FACT HAS A COMPLETELY REVAMPED WINTER OUTFIT WHICH I’M ABOUT TO BE LIVING FOR

AHHHHH YESSSSSS

COME AND FANGIRL WITH ME DEKU!

OH MY GOD YES!!!!!

IT’S SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIS NORMAL COSTUME. 10,000x BETTER!! THE SLEEVES AND THE COLLAR COMPLETELY CHANGE THE LOOK. THE COLLAR ESPECIALLY, IT MAKES IT SO THE METAL COLLAR NO LONGER LOOKS SO WEIRD. I’M SORRY BUT THE DEEP V-NECK AND THE BARE SHOULDERS WERE JUST ODD

like, I think his normal costume was designed more with his future image of himself in mind, and doesn’t necessarily work as well with a teenage boy who is still growing and still has a relatively lean frame. he’s got a lot of muscle, yeah, but his costume is the sort of thing that would look more natural on someone with an Endeavor or Muscle Might type of build. his shoulders are not broad enough yet for it to really look natural

(ETA: and you know what, come to think of it I don’t think he’s ever gonna bulk up as much as either of them, because the more muscle he’s got, the more difficult it’s going to be for him to propel himself with his quirk. he’s gotta strike a balance there. so in conclusion Katsuki your summer costume needs a redesign!)

so the collar really helps here because it hides his whole neck which helps a lot with that awkwardness lol

anyway I’ll stop analyzing Kacchan’s costume now you guys but please rest assured that I fucking love it and this shit was worth the wait

(ETA: oh my god and now that Awase’s gone and busted up his gauntlets too, is it too much to hope he might redesign those to be a bit less bulky as well? dare to dream!? Horikoshi are you listening??)

and now I’ll let Deku have his own fangirl moment

you guys. I can’t oh my god I fucking can’t

but just. he’s so excited. and more importantly he’s interacting naturally with Kacchan without the slightest bit of uncertainty or hesitation or awkwardness, even though Kacchan’s still being a grumpy grump

and really Kacchan is behaving no differently than he would toward any other classmate. there’s no actual heat there, just normal Kacchan banter

in fact, if you look a little closer at this interaction, Katsuki actually invited him to talk. he saw Deku staring at him, and rather than telling him to fuck off and go bother someone else, he actually gave him express permission to start geeking out. (and then got fucking embarrassed by it oh my god)

in other words, they are interacting like normal classmates with none of the awkwardness and unease and hostility that was there before, and it’s fucking amazing. this is all I’ve wanted this entire time you guys oh my god

(ETA: seeing Bakugou and Deku finally interact again in this arc has given me so much joy. this is easily one of my favorite arcs just for that alone)

so now Ojiro’s coming up to Deku and saying that his suit is the one that’s had the most dramatic change lol. and that he even got new gloves recently

oh for fuck’s sake lol

okay at this point I totally support the Dekacho if that’s what they want to do. but why do they have to keep showing it by having Ochako get jealous of every third person Deku interacts with??

(or rather, every third person with boobs. because if this was a bit more realistic and she was paying just a bit more attention, the person she ought to be the most jealous of right now is Kacchan lol)

ohhhhhhh SNAP

I know it would end up just getting shredded, but Kiri might want to think about getting some sort of winterized non-shirtless version of his own costume too regardless. maybe just get something made from an inexpensive and easily replaceable material

anyway! holy shit, I forgot all about this, but I knew there was something with class B coming up soon because the manga was in the middle of this arc back when I first started reading it. and so this was what everyone was talking about

Monoma is surprisingly flexible

where’s Kendou? and that Pony girl?

holy shit Monoma

“my research”

son, I want details on your sample sizing and the way the question was phrased. I’m not sure if this holds up

lol and even then they only won by 2 votes

did you vote in your own questionnaire Monoma

lmao Aizawa is choking him out with his capture weapon oh shit

“shut up” oh damn. you do not insult class A in this man’s presence

so now Vlad is saying they’re going to have a special guest! and Aizawa’s telling them not to embarrass themselves

is it Shinsou. again, this guess is based solely on what I can recall of the fandom atmosphere when I first started reading the series and before I realized that I should blacklist spoilers

(ETA: okay so rereading this recap, I realize it seems like I’ve been spoiled for practically every damn thing in this arc, and I just wanted to make a quick note that this isn’t actually the case lol. I knew some basic stuff about the Joint Training arc, but I had no idea what the battles would be like, who was gonna win, or that Deku’s new upgrade would come into play the way that it did. basically I knew about SIXQUIRKS (but with no context), Kacchan’s costume, Shinsou’s presence (and what I assume is his successful bid to join the hero course), and that it would be 1-A vs 1-B. so basically most of this arc has still been a ride and I’ve really enjoyed it.)

I love that Baku, Kami, and Tetsu are all demonstrating their own unique ways of how they would befriend the special guest

AHHHH YEP IT’S HIM

THE WEIRD MASK THING OH MY GOD

I HAVE WONDERED ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG YOU GUYS. HE WAS WEARING IT IN SO MANY FANARTS AND I WAS LIKE WTF IS THAT

and is that an Aizawa-style capture weapon?? oh ho?!

you guys, this chapter was only 13 pages long. and it was so good. that’s not fair, you deserve more pages BnHA. why is the page count so damn inconsistent; I’m already dreading once I’m caught up and I never know what to expect each week

but for now I still get to binge. finally my procrastination pays off. thanks to my efforts, I have another 22 chapters to read instead of like 4 or 5 lol. there’s a lesson in that, kids. maybe. or probably not actually lol

okay guys, and unfortunately I have to end this recap by announcing that I’m going to be taking another brief hiatus, most likely for about a week or so. there is some financial shit I need to get sorted before the end of the month, and I need to find myself another job too so I’m gonna need to do everything I can to focus on that.

I’ll try to catch up with some of my asks and the comments whenever I have a chance. and aside from that, I will hopefully see you guys in a week, hopefully under circumstances where I can breathe a little easier! be well, everyone.