#also they had aro and ace stuff!!!
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there was a little queer event in the town next to us (they had two drag queens too!!) and i went there despite the heat (and being afraid of people being dicks) bc im pretty sure its the first time its happened here so i couldnt not go and look at least
there were surprisingly alot of people and ... seeing openly queer people in actual real life standing all around me filled me with a special kind of joy i cant quite describe other than .. feeling more ... real myself? hopeful?
anyway, im also pretty sure i was asked for my pronouns for the first time ever (in real life by strangers) .. even if it was by two teens driving past me on their e-scooter while i was walking back to my car, probably bc the flag i was given there sticking out of my backpack, and it caught me so off guard they had to repeat it and then i said i dont care what im called.... even though thats not true at all q-q i hate how my brain short circuits in situations likes this i just wanted to sink into the earth beneath me and dig my way to my car instead
#ganondoodles talks#random#still i hope they will do it again#and im gonan see if any of the flyers can help me connect with people#since there are queer people here after all#also they had aro and ace stuff!!!#anyway im off to go and drink my .... somewhat chilly bubble tea#the ice cubes were gone when i got to my car im pretty sure njldnkfdd
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Do you ever meet someone and think that they are so cool that if you were attracted to people in that way you would have a crush on them?
#starrytalking#I have a friend and I think she’s really cool#she can dance well and plays the viola and know tech stuff and is nerdy and interested in reason and mythology and history and has a#*reading not reason xD#billiard table and cats#like she also likes economy stuff and I don’t but I don’t care xD#nah I just think she’s cool and nice and maybe if I weren’t a-spec I would have a crush#I mean maybe not I don’t really know that was just a thought I had xD#aromantic#aro#lgbtq#asexual#ace#queer#friend
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It was his brother's idea.
#jc is not mad hes just embarrassed#also he can be ace or aro or both for me#but visually hes literally a walking ace flag#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#jiang cheng#jiang wanyin#wei wuxian#wei ying#mdzs fanart#aroace jc is so important to me you dont even know#i think its interesting when a character that has a responsibility to have a child and cant do so without forcing himself#like yes hes already shouldering a lot of responsibilities left by his parents#but also because of his parents i doubt he would want to be in an arranged marrige#so hes always looking for 'a perfect match' he could have a fullfiling and real relationship with#only for it not being possible for him in a first place#...sorry for so many tags i had thoughts#my stuff
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just found out that non-aromantics actually have feelings towards the people they decide to have a crush on. Apparently it’s not like, “hmmm should I consider this person for dating? what are the pros and cons here?” Or like, “I want to be really close friends with that person” But it’s like an actual emotional response or something? An emotion that is different from the “I wanna be really close friends” emotion??
also I just figured out that I’m aromantic
#I’m also ace but I already knew that#Shout out to Jaiden Animations#Never would have figured this stuff out this quickly otherwise#asexual#aromantic#aroace#My first “crush” was Carmen San Diego#I was 18yrs old and that “crush” lasted 2 days#Turns out she wasn’t as pretty when she wasn’t wearing her signature outfit#I didn’t actually have a crush on her I just really liked her outfit#I think I just decided that “ya know I should’ve had a crush on someone by now kinda weird that it hasn’t happened yet”#And then I just picked the first pretty girl I saw#She’s animated so I guess that made it less weird than having a crush on a random stranger#But like there were no actual romantic emotions there#Didn’t know that there were supposed to be any but oh well#The whole “I wanna be really close friends with that person” thing really threw me off for a while#Cuz I thought that was what romantic attraction was#But apparently it’s not???#Too confusing we should just get rid of romance#Honestly my idea of the “ideal romantic/queerplatonic relationship” should have tipped me off sooner that I was aro#It was “a close friend who lives in the same house as me but we have separate bedrooms and sometimes we cuddle on the couch but not…#… always and we don’t hold hands or kiss or anything but we just act like really good but close friends because that’s what I think a…#… romantic relationship is two people who are really close friends”#might delete later I dunno just kinda rambling and I’m really tired
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I’ve been making some choices in-game for the sake of accuracy to me irl, but they’ve started to catch up with me mentally ✌️✌️✌️
We’re working on it though, just gotta keep at it and learn how to stop myself more in the future 😤
#my art stuff#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#tav#tiefling tav#astral-touched tadpole#special tadpole#bg3 act 3#act 3#act 3 spoilers#this is mainly touching on my irl self-consciousness about my veins#and I’ve had a rather troubled past causing me to become hypersexual#while also being heavily aro-ace#it’s caused a bad addiction to set roots and while I’ve been handling it okay irl lately#it’s starting to itch at the back of my head and seep into the game instead#I connect very easily with media when I hyperfixate and the world of the media feels like my own for however long I hyperfixate on it#so the things I’ve been doing in the game cus “they can’t actually harm me” there have started to harm me anyways#or at least I think so#i keep actively thinking about the choices before I make them#and my curiosity causes me to make the choices on a scrap save that I throw out after#but sometimes a lil voice in the back of my head goes “that wasn’t that bad - let’s keep it cus I WOULD do this if it were me irl”#and then I get too stubborn to change it before I’ve played enough that it would actually set me back a stressful amount to do so#I’ve been latching onto Astarion because I recognize parts of myself in him and helping myself is too hard sometimes so I help him instead#but I still deserve to help myself - especially when it’s extra hard to do so.#comic#mental health#serious conversation#a lot of my conversations are serious (even when they seem goofy on surface level) but still#sketch
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Does anyone know how to maneuver a relationship where they are interested in dating you but you were fine being old school acquaintances who don’t speak to each other
#tgdposts#personal#aroace#actually aroace#aromantic#asexual#ace#aro#asexuality#aromanticism#we’re hanging out at an undetermined point which I’m fine with I love hanging out but I can tell he’s into me and I feel neutral about it#good new is I’ve clearly grown since last time this scenario happened because I think I’m being less of a leading on asshole about it#also ideologically I’m not about assuming they want to date instead of be friends so I don’t want to assume anything#but based on how he’s talking to me I think he likes me which I obviously do not reciprocate#fond of me as the Brits say#he’s asked how my day/weekend was for the second time in all too short a timespan which I find telling#not that it irritates me but it’s obvious he wants to pursue SOMETHING#anyway just bc I said okay to hang for coffee does not mean I want to participate in this kind of online conversation he’s initiating#his eagerness to talk is telling and I already lowkey had vibes from him after the fall semester when he asked how my winter vacay was#I was like yeah I’m SUPER BUSY with family stuff and studying for my makeup exam#tbh thought that was the end of it until recently#this is mainly a vent post I guess if anyone has opinions feel free to share#I guess my broad struggle is that I’m learning how to be aroace and assume the best of a situation without leading people on#also I feel this kind of situation is almost inevitable if I want to make friends with guys even though having them want to date me#is not the most ideal start to a friendship with someone#ok to rb although idk why you’d want to
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What if I just rambled in the tags rn?
#personal stuff don’t mind me#just musings about sex and relationships#am I ace or aro? am I just opposed to the idea of a relationship cause I feel like I could never trust anyone on that level?#am I ace? sex sounds fun enough but it also doesn’t feel necessary? and I can’t imagine ever wanting to sleep with anyone#I literally never considered this until one of my friends complained to me about being sexually frustrated and I was like ???#??? THATS A REAL THING ???#I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE#where am I going with this#I’ve had 4 crushes in my life (excluding fictional characters cause I don’t think that’s the same)#I’m definitely bisexual#and yet am I? am I even attracted to anyone?#maybe I’m just on the ace spectrum somewhere?#and does it even really matter? why should I feel like I have to label it?#maybe it’s cause I feel like I have to label it to be valid#otherwise people view you as a loser#it’s frustrating#people talk about the concept of virginity being meaningless#and I usually see people talk about it in the sense of like#having lots of sex and sleeping with lots of people doesn’t make you impure#(which is true!!!)#but I feel like some people who say that still look down on people who don’t have sex#and view them as no fun or prudes or whatever#and the double standards piss me off#lol sorry for all of this I just need to ramble somewhere#ollie rambles#adding on#like the fact that I’m ashamed to admit even in the tags here that I’ve not had sex before is ridiculous!!!#it shouldn’t be this way!!!!#it’s something completely neutral!!!!!#it should be on the same level as admitting I’ve never tried melon or never been rollerblading!!!!
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2023 reads // twitter thread
Gods, Monsters, and the Lucky Peach
sff novella merging a future recovering from climate catastrophes where the rich time travel to the past for recreation, and historical fantasy
a woman who’s spent her life restoring ecosystems puts together a small team to get the chance to time travel back to 2000BC to survey the Tigris and Euphrates rivers
aging MC with octopus leg prosthetics
#Gods Monsters and the Lucky Peach#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#tbqh don’t quite understand everything that’s going on hahahha#very slow to start and i struggled to understand stuff; then it makes sense; then suddenly super actiony at the end#I do feel like the title is not great. like it feels unrelated for most of the book#but yeah LOTS of interesting ideas tho!!!! it is cool!#there's just a lot and the pacing is a bit weird I guess#no romance#this one character is a horse girl. hes a dude but hes a horse girl#I had forgotten that one of the major characters is ace also.#more of a side mention that she's not interested in sex & uses the label#(tho other character's assumptions kind of equate ace to aro in a slightly weird way at some point)
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Requesting Nya, Edgeworth, and Theif for the character bingo!
(It didn't surprise me that you have good taste in characters. Also, I should watch The Last Unicorn...)
(asks about my favourite fictional characters in 2024)
Oddly enough you got me kind of going on a theme with this one - they're all characters I expected to be tropey in a bad way, who all turn out way more interesting than I could've ever imagined. Huh.
A lot of words lie below about Dicey Dungeons (up to Reunion), the first two Ace Attorney games, and Ninjago (up to the end of season 6).
Spoilers for Dicey Dungeons (up to Reunion), the first two Ace Attorney games, and Ninjago up to the end of season 6. A warning for a mention of a suspected suicide in a backstory.
I'll start with Thief since I need a bit of warmup for the other ask you sent me:
Thief is the only time I've genuinely enjoyed a protagonist that… I'm not sure how to put it. Is shown to be a jerkass and a realist amongst a cast of otherwise very whimsical characters? Who's drawn to look roguish, sneaky, and clever, whether the writer backs that up or not. And for bonus points, is styled after D&D's aesthetics.
I usually hate characters like this. I think it's an oversaturation problem. Ronin's the closest example I have - a character that does nothing for his season's story and wins against the ninja purely out of plot necessity. Or consider Jax, who takes up a lot of screentime in TADC making the rest of the crew suffer, whose snarking really only makes the creators look insecure about the goofier elements of their own work.
And Jax has been confirmed to be a creator's favourite, which is… not concerning, but it's one of those things a creator can say to make you realise you see something very different in their work to them. Plus, a lot of people like him in the fandom. Which isn't technically part of the work. But it is annoying to see how so many people focus on this archetype even when it doesn't bring anything new to the table. This trope is always extremely obvious, and extremely obnoxious if you don't like it.
The worst thing is this isn't just relegated to the realm of fiction. Do you remember when Rick and Morty was a thing, and you had hordes of people looking up to Rick Sanchez as a role model because he was both smart and an asshole, and therefore the takeaway was that it was okay to be an asshole if you (thought you) were smart?
Maybe this is just because I made the mistake of using Reddit as a teenager, but I'm so sick of that attitude. Throw in the way it only ever seems to apply to men…
(as for the last point - I like the concept of magic and fantasy, but I'm not white and I'm fucking sick of how the genre is based in very strict archetypes when you could do anything with it. I won't elaborate on this or it'd be a whole 'nother essay; let's just say I dislike any aesthetic based off D&D.)
Thief is the only time I've seen a work dress this down: his whole arc is realising that he's been outclassed by somebody who knows the game much better than he does, and actually has the power to back it up (and is much funnier to watch too).
As Lady Luck so elegantly puts it:
"…Thief, who is so strangely proud of being clever and unpleasant! Do you think he minds that I'm so much cleverer, and so many times more unpleasant?"
You know that creeping feeling of dread you got playing the game? He's the character that embodies it best. I expected the game to play this completely straight like all those characters above, but it doesn't. It's not so much a twist as the objectively correct take on this trope, but it's still unique and genuinely insightful in a way I haven't seen since.
(Fun fact: it was actually seeing the episode 2 dialogue between Lady Luck and Thief that got me to stop playing the demo and get the full game! The streamer was fast-forwarding through all the text, but I paused and was like 'wait. this is good dialogue. I have to buy this.')
Reunion really drives this home. I love how he instead starts directing his snark outwards to keep his new friends safe. He actually does things now, as the tough negotiator of the group, rather than just claiming he's better than them. He's still kind of got his old greed in him with how he respects Lady Luck's plans to paint the moon as her face, and how he's here for profit first and foremost, but it's clear he's been forced to grow out of that previous obnoxiousness after being put through hell and back.
Dicey Dungeons has such good commentary on character tropes y'all. Seriously.
Nya's a character that had a personal impact on me growing up. I didn't notice it back then, but at least in the early seasons she's just. Objectively the coolest character in the cast. Albeit only because of misogyny reasons as you've noted, but a signifcant amount of Ninjago's appeal lies in its cool factor, so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I always thought she was going to be Green Ninja as a kid.
I had to go back and check this, but we get the Samurai X reveal just before season 1 gets onto the full potential episodes. There's something about having to build your own power in a way that one-ups all your peers while keeping it secret from them that's so cool to me. While I have mixed feelings on whether it's a good thing or not, it reminds me of how I studied a lot of maths in my own time in primary school and did better than everyone else by a long shot. Plus you don't usually see girls straight up build mechs, so this blew my fucking mind as a kid.
It was cool to see representation like that. I really like how that specialisation then leads into her potential in season 5 - when she finally begins to branch into learning something new that doesn't seem to be her thing. I've seen people doubt how realistic that is, and while you can debate how well it was paced or whether it's a good decision for the series, that's a real problem you can run into when you're AFAB (or in any other oppressed group) and talented at one thing.
You get attached to your best skill, because that's how you prove yourself as a person. It comes easily to you and you never really work on anything else, and when you're pushed to do it, you hate that it doesn't come easily to you. I didn't consider myself an artist or writer or programmer for years because I thought the stuff I made was ugly and awkward; I knew a trans guy in secondary who straight up told me that he liked his subjects because they came easily to him (which good for him, but it still proves my point that this is a real thing people go through).
I'm reminded of Wu telling Nya that while earth is strong and air is fluid, water can be both. I thought it was just a thing they wrote in to sound wise back then, but on reflection it's some really kind encouragement for her to branch out. And I like how she quits angrily in her training and tries to run for ages. How she doesn't figure it out until the end. I can see myself in that. It's very nice.
And while Skybound's very. Divisive. I think it's a good 60% of a season for her. Her story up to the ending of episode 8 has been compelling - she wants Jay to respect her boundaries, she struggles to make herself known as a new part of the team due to her status, maybe she doesn't mind being in a relationship, but she wants to at least choose for herself. And the sheer amount of optimism encouragement and energy she has throughout the season for everyone is just great.
Yeah. She's great. She kicks ass. She's unfortunately stuck in a show lead by Male WritersTM but we sometimes stumble into some decent characterisation for her despite that. She's unfortunately lowkey but that means there's less parts of her to mangle over time.
…Ninjago was such a great show. It's such a shame it was capped at 6 seasons, but at least that means they treated Nya with respect throughout her runtime except for that one time…
Also I don't know how to tie this neatly into the essay. But a while ago LEGO released a really funny Ninjago explained video done by the Honest Trailers guy, and I still fucking love how he goes off about how talented Nya is for ages instead of making fun of most of the other Ninjas' archetypes (sans Cole), and just ends it with:
'so naturally she was the last one picked for the team. Seriously, they picked [Jay] over her?'
youtube
Edgeworth I have the least to say about - it's been a hot while since I've touched AA (and only the first two games at that) and I don't want to risk misremembering fandom concepts as canon.
But the main impact he made on me was that he seems so tailor-made to be your frustrating, comically evil anime rival for the entire plot. Opposing colour scheme, stupid animations, and all. You go in thinking he's made to be a smug bastard you can knock down, and you come out recoiling from that as soon as possible in horror.
And you feel so powerful when you finally get to team up with him against someone.
Yes he does pull out absolute bullshit like the updated autopsy report, and he's still pretty insulting even in later installations. But when you're working your way throughout the first game, and you start to poke at his motivations a little further? He has an iron-clad reason to want to become a prosecutor, even as potentially corrupt as his methods may be. He seeks to help Wright if it truly brings someone to justice, which is a better portrayal of the legal system than I've seen than from many other places.
And in the end, after he saves you, you have to go back and do the same for him. And it's the best case of the game. You not only blow open a decades-old case that's been hinted towards throughout the entire game, but you also finally cut your friend loose from the ghost that he didn't even know was haunting him for years. It ties the overarching plot and the main characters' personal endeavours together so well, which is the series' greatest strength, despite what the memes going around about its wacky hijnks would have you believe.
Plus, while it's not Edgeworth's doing himself, the amount of dedication Phoenix has towards this guy is great. Whether you read their bond as romantic or platonic (or otherwise), you get the sense Edgeworth must've been someone really special to Phoenix for him to try and chase him down through years of law school and all the bullshit you're put through in the previous 3 chapters. That's devotion right there, and it catches you entirely off-guard with what you go in expecting.
He feels very human. You learn about things like his Steel Samurai collection, you give him advice on how to grow beyond the mess that is DL6. You see him take that in the worst way possible by running off to a foreign country and implying that he might've killed himself. You expect none of it. It's very touching.
#you should watch the last unicorn. btw#hi i'm nornal#i need a proper essay writing tag what is this behemoth i've just produced.#i don't like the discovery that my hatred of asshole protagonists partially stems from reddit but. i've made it now#i don't think it'll ring true with a lot of people who read my stuff. but whatever this is my blog#also dang i didn't think I had that much to say about nya beyond her being cool but. hmm#maybe some of it is projection and accidentally done but. it's there#asks#oblivious aro#dots dots dots#ace attorney spoilers#dicey dungeons spoilers#i'm not maintagging everything else#hiiiiii everyone. i love your comments <3
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hit a rough patch processing my gender in the past few days & have been feeling down about not being able to talk about pretty much any aspect of my identity without tacking on seven disclaimers and a vocab quiz 😮💨 wish I could just put the identity crisis on hold until I finish my finals
#personal#a classmate asked me if I had a lover and I said fuck no I’m ace as hell and immediately felt like a Bad Ace™️ even though it was true#can’t just talk about being ace bc that’s aroallo and sex-favorable erasure#can’t just talk about being aro because I also don’t want to fuck#can’t talk about being aroace without explaining the SAM even though I can’t split my own identity bc that’s aroallo AND alloace erasure#can’t talk about sex- or romance-repulsion without clarifying that I’m not judging my friends for having/wanting relationships#can’t pin down my gender with one label so I feel like a fraud using all of them#can’t talk about being socialized female without distancing myself from the first 22 years of my life#can’t be annoyed about being parsed as a butch lesbian because god it was a compliment and it’s not like I’m actually a man right?#but also can’t explain why it’s weird to think of women (or anyone) being attracted to me because that’s? basically homophobic I guess?#idk man I’m just tired#I’ve got so much other stuff on my plate rn it’d be great if This One Thing was easier
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can't believe i am agonising this much over whether to put a fic i haven't even finished yet in the / or & tags when every day dozens of unambigously romantic fics are put in the & tags without a second thought
#talking#anxious brain is like oh why can't you be normal about something for once#and just write straightforward romance or straightforward friendship#as if i should worry about being normal on a website built off of being an unrepentant lil freak about things#i think it's also bc my last 2 fandoms had canon ace/aro characters#and while there was still shittiness there was still a sense of like. there is a place for these things#idk if i can bring ambiguous queerplatonic stuff to what seems to be the Romance Picnic you know#i will also probably be too embarrassed to post it regardless bc of how schmoopy it is so this angst is. irrelevant
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A friend of mine is posting stuff on threads and I got it too so that I could read their funny little posts but I don’t feel super comfy to post completely open stuff there too cause I’m not out to like my family and stuff and it’s linked to my Instagram account (also I made it a private account which seems kinda pointless) and I realised that what they use threads for comes close to what I use tumblr for (just that me texts here are longer that a typical threads post seems to be) and that i actually would be comfy to show them my tumblr I think. Is this what having a friendship and being completely open is about????
#starrytalking#friends#like I mostly only post about queer stuff here and they are queer too and I would be comfy talking to them about stuff like that irl too#so I wouldn’t really care and they could read my posts and we could talk about them I guess#but the whole purpose of tumblr is that no one knows u so idk if I’d actually bring that up cause the no one knows u thing is what makes me#comfortable spill whatever#and also I had a phase where I was reading fanfics and if that comes up I might be a bit uncomfy with that xD#but yeah it’s cool that I don’t feel like I have to hide anything from them is what I wanna say with this^^#aromantic#aro#asexual#ace#aroace#lgbtq+#queer#friendship
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not to be back on my bullshit already but like. ford talking about how he doesn't understand romance in journal 3 quite literally does not prove he's ace in any sense of the definition unless you assume only ace people struggle with traditional relationship models (literally not fucking true??) or that aro people are always/usually ace (I am beating you with a broom). it's evidence towards him being aro if anything!
but even then I think that's an accidental meaning in the writing. the passage exists to show how detached ford is from the sheer idea of family and how he doesn't understand fiddleford's attachment to his wife and son! it's also a subtle reason to show why the pines family might not notice anything after the portal incident (i.e- ford didn't talk to his parents or sister much, if at all, after moving to gravity falls.)
it's even more frustrating when ppl mention that line... and then make him alloace?????
#☢️.txt#yknow what fuck it!#ford pines#i wouldnt mind ace ford pines hcs so much if they didnt so often use evidence towards him being aro as the evidence of being ace???#also im gonna be real the 'ford dated a siren' joke is just way funnier if hes aro#im not even attached to him being aro. im more attatched to gay monsterfucker ford pines#but then again i think most aroallo ppl are a bit on edge after what happened in the aromantic subreddit a few weeks ago#(mods banned all mentions of sex and sex-related banners for a few days before reversing it when people pointed out how insane that is)#oh and i also just think the stuff about how ford sees family is much more interesting in that paragraph#it both explains why stan hasnt had any significant pushback (bc even tho he can imitate him the career change had to be a shock!)#and why ford resorted to stan for help over anyone else in his family (he didnt talk to them nor did he feel any sense of closeness)#fords idea of family is soooo fucked up. its all filbricks fault btw but like#it was easier for him to reach out to stan. whos location he had to actively track down and who he thought didnt respect his career ambition#than just like fucking. calling shermie or one of his research mentors#at the absolute height of his paranoia he still felt that he could trust stan deep down and no one talks about this
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.
#had a very long very good gender talk w a friend yday#the friend I was talking to: we talk about gender a lot but mostly we talk about mine I realize#she’s not incorrect and honestly it’s mostly bc I don’t feel as strongly about mine but. it was nice that she made space for it#and so we talked about it#idk just. orbiting around and between labels of#queer or nonbinary as umbrella terms#agender as in I don’t care about my gender really. or cis as in I don’t have any objection to my agab really#or just the overall sentiment of. fuck you I don’t know and so you don’t get to either#or the ‘triple a/aro ace agender’ joke of. yeah im opting out of all of this actually#also just. talking about dnd as gender exploration? and how for all of my pcs I’ve had pretty strong feelings about their pronouns but much#less about their gender.#in part because for all the warforged I’ve played pronouns are less about gender and more about. personhood/objecthood#certainly not unrelated but. interesting#and kind of similarly like. I know how I want to be referred to. and that’s all the information people need to know to interact with me.#idk many thoughts! it was a really good conversation#also just. got to be honest about some (aroace#less gender related) stuff I’ve wanted to say to her for a long time#it was good. I love my friends#sola said#delete later
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1 and 2 for Logarius
3 And 4 for Maria
5 and 6 for Caryll
8, 9, and 10 for Bloody Crow (he gets three because he’s my blorbo)
<3
Oh well, this will be a bit of a ride, huh? But thank you!
(Asks from this ( x ) meme)
Logarius/Rogeriusz
1) What would their social media page/activity be like
Hypocrite on main, nuff said. Would post plenty of short posts "spreading some positivity", encouraging others to be kind and good, some wise thoughts etc. Often some fake-deep quotes plastered on aesthetic pictures of nature. Sometimes they're ACTUALLY deep thoughts. But his comments section is the utter Hell as most of the comments are people sharing something bad he did/said earlier and calling him out on being hypocrite. The funniest part is that he doesn't moderate his comments section at ALL - never bothers to block any users or retort or just close the darn section! Granted, there are plenty of white knights that defend him in the comments. Every darn post has like 5k comments worth of online battlefield djfsdds
2) What animal they remind me of
For some reason, this is ram!
I tried to disconnect from cold aesthetic because that's Cainhurst stuff, but I keep saying that he is 'just evil Ludwig', haha. So he feels like a hooved animal for me, but whereas Ludwig is indeed like a stallion himself, Logarius would need to be an animal who is associated with both stubbornness (to a fault, because Gold Ardeo symbolises being a total blockhead determined to crash everyone who you deem impure) and majesty. I think their horns ARE pretty graceful!
Maria
3) My thoughts on their design/aesthetic alone
Alright, if I completely empty my head from all lore and just look at her... For some reason, overall impression on her design is no very... 'impressive' for me? She indeed wears a costume of a fighter prioritising agility over defence, and seems like just a blonde, and is indeed a woman with sword(s)... Like this is indeed a female action figure, sure? However, it is all in the DETAILS. It is when I look at filigree on her clothes, and how she is not just blonde but actually ashy blonde, and how pretty her pale eyelashes against dark eyeshadow, and how beautiful that green brooch looks against white collar, and take closer look at her eyes. THEN I actually appreciate her and think she is very beautiful! From what I know, many people were absolutely swayed by her merely appearing instantly, so I am not sure why it was different for me? I think her design is good enough, but the REAL beauty of it all lurks in intricate and elegant details for me!
4) Physical headcanons (sleeping habits, favourite food, all that)
She's is the type to have trouble falling asleep without some sort of audible stimulation. It has to be something - humming, burning wood in the fireplace, someone reading and shuffling pages, all that. Funny enough, this is the exact problem my Brador has! (Cute date idea - falling asleep peacefully while listening to Simon cry <3 sdjhdhs) That naturally subdued when she was torn between dream/nightmare, we talking about her "physical" life!
Kind of on a brink between physical and psychological, but her favorite way to stim is to push her whole face against plants full of morning dew, especially bushy flowers such as hydrangea!
Sitting near a puddle or another shallow body of water and sticking her hands down in it is also a favourite.
The dark area under her eyes is not a makeup nor it is dark circles of Constant Exhaustion, it is just a feature that tends to appear in most people with Pthumerian blood in them! I generally headcanon that Pthumerians and humans can have children, so some characters in Bloodborne are mixed species; Maria is certainly mixed between human and Pthumerian like other vilebloods, a branch that has long history of being super selective with the spouses to basically combine strong features of both species. I also decided to take her eyebrows being white not as creators being lazy with coloring the model, but as a legit feature - again, a hint of some Pthumerian blood.
She is cursed with only ever feeling appetite to the foods that are not healthy - be it less refined kind of alcohol, exceptionally fat meat, food that got burnt beyond saving, overly sugary pastries and cakes etc. That is her unique developed reaction to being able to eat very good and high-quality foods as someone living in the rich castle, so when she left Cainhurst, she had to put extra willpower into eating normally now that no one will bring her meals on the plate. It is just that the highest restaraunt quality meal she has to force herself to finish without even feeling pleasure, when a burnt potato that was also overly salted will make her drool.
She is physically strong without training and was born this way - again, Pthumerian genes showing. So instead of training to lift weights and hit stronger, Maria had to learn somewhat of an opposite, to stop hurting people's hands with merely handshake or accidentally sending objects to fly while trying to move them. So, most of her training as a hunter had to do with agility and applying this force the right way; prior that, she was having to learn to apply her strength towards other people in reasonable amount. Basically her arc was not to become ripped, but to learn how to be ripped in a way that HELPS her rather than works as a destructive liability.
Continuing theme of a power she had to learn to control + that can be dangerous! As a child and teenager, if she was bleeding in some way (like cut or damage from falling), she would start to accidentally ignite things around her from anxiety... And people who'd try to help, too. The worst that happened so far was burning half of Ludwig's face in panic and anger. The power of pyromancy and quickening draws itself from the blood. So, when she started having periods, she had to actually seek guidance from elders in Cainhurst to not like... burn everything around her or keep teleporting away from people in fear. However, she didn't have many people to talk about it with, because such powerful genetic combination is rare. She suppressed the pyromancy quite well though, to the point she has to focus very much (and to hurt herself very much) to awaken it again (something Gehrman resented, as she was "burying her hunter potential"). Maria was, however, able to teach Gehrman and his other hunters how to use the quickening (teleportation) because everyone who imbibed holy blood could master it! But pyromancy, alas, IS inherited genetically!
She ended up giving into a habit of having a glass of red wine in like, every other several hours, later in her life as a hunter and then as overseer of Research Hall.
Natually, she has some scars on her belly area from previous attempts to see how to tap on her powers of blood and fire if she has to. I am yet to decide whether Gehrman had the balls to reflect them on the Doll or left any traces of her pain out; he did know about them though, as he had to care for Maria after one of the unlucky attempts.
Caryll/Karel
5) Social headcanons (what do they think of their friends/allies if they have any, what are they looking for in relationship, what people tend to think about them...)
Caryll does believe in respecting the elders - which is convenient, because he was one of the older Byrgenwerth scholars, together with Damian! It is a bit not conceivable for him that sometimes someone much older than you can be dumb as shit, as in his life older people were offering nothing but a wise advice, years of valid experience and predictions that turned out to be right in the end! But, yes, he will take it nearly personally if one of the scholars disrespects Willem, Gehrman, Dores, Damian, Carolee (memory altar witch) or Custodio (gatekeeper)... and if they disrespect him, too.
He does share Willem's 'the only thing that will teach the fools is their failure' philosophy, so he will often refuse to intervene and only open his yap when he is to explain the person WHAT went wrong and WHY they failed. He is also the type to learn at the expense of the mistakes of others, so at times it gets as dark as letting the other people endure their failures to see what happens and apply to himself. However, he likes quite a number of the people he knows. It is less direct indifference and more of a 'sadistic' type of caring: Caryll finds enjoyment in watching his acquaintances become smarter and stronger with harsh life experiences.
On the other hand, he believes that the 'ultimate' language (runes) will significantly speed-up evolution of humanity, as a single experience will be able to be communicated to everyone else through only one symbol. He made several attempts to capture very personal and intimate yet very important personal experiences, there exist some runes that 'player' never finds that could serve as valid life lessons. People who know of such practice are all Byrgenwerth scholars, so they do not find anything callous in distributing personal experiences and feelings 'for common knowledge'. Yurie/Julie is an exception, and thinks truth of Great Ones is quite enough - there is no need to utilise intimate feelings 'for common good'!
Caryll is a true artist that admires the shapes, views and people's bodies and faces as they are, believing in his ability to communicate the unique beauty and features of every individual via portraits. He doesn't have a 'type' and is able to praise the physical quirks of every person; not because he has no standards, but because he can see beauty in how every person is built! He feels a little antsy when someone is insecure about their "imperfection" and wants to obscure something with hair, make-up or clothes. The type of an artist that will tell you to move your hair behind so he could capture your big Dumbo ears, you know! If you get this lil shit to actually speak with words, he might praise you right into accepting your body.
Caryll is not very interested in relationship; besides, again, his trait of wanting to capture and pass on what he can plays out. He is more interested in watching healthy (or not so much) relationship of other people and capture them in a book. However, he still needs love of course, just different type of it, such as friendship or platonic admiration or master's patronage.
6) Psychological headcanons (tastes, fears, talents, regrets, how they deal with anger, just anything that comes to mind on the topic)
Caryll dives into nonverbal behavior very often, sometimes able to only offer strange noises, gestures or doodles as means of communication. If it wasn't for Byrgenwerth introducing him the runes, he'd study music to communicate his feelings, as he believes that visual art, albeit good, can't be understood at the same extent as the sound. He might reach stressful state where he just gives a single frustrated sound every time someone asks what's wrong - and then gets upset when nobody gets what DOES he need ;-; A rare person is able to cooperate with this 'barrier' - Rom, for example.
Caryll's anger is cold and passive-aggressive. He will never yell or snap, but rather taint with no end. One knows Caryll is angry with them when Caryll starts to verbally communicate more eagerly - and it is all some subtle hints or 'clever' remarks! Caryll gets more nonverbal when he feels vulnerable; but also, when he feels safe.
Past his arc of creating alphabet of inhuman sounds, Caryll feels dark joy upon learning that some human language is going extinct. However, if it wasn't for the runes, he'd have had opposite reaction. Normally he believes that no language can be universal as each has unique nuances worthy of celebrating! Runes language, however, showed the way to transcend this limitation.
He is extremely happy when he can cuddle someone, be it a person or an animal. Tactile contact is very important for him! He has a history of overstepping his boundaries with cuddling animals that would end biting/scratching him. As a human, you can easily earn a place amongst his best friends by letting him hug you without 'making it weird or have it be sexualised'. He subscribed to the fact that most people would never understand his feelings or intentions correctly, but he does have a secret rune that gives no benefits except for understanding how he sees the world and people, that he would gladly give to those who care about him enough.
He is confident in his own beauty in an interesting way, loving to wear boots to highlight his legs and often posing like some sort of model when he does speak xD His voice might appear monotonous most of the time, however.
He is 35+ whereas other scholars barely reached their 20s, yet is able to cry from too much fear or confusion easily. Realising that he was drastically misunderstood might absolutely ruin him mentally, and he resorts to just sitting in the corner and whimpering, only answering questions with some noises.
Him inventing language of inhuman sounds was not a blessing of chosen one, not something done with his body, but simply him being a nerd and a genius enough to crack the (accurate enough) code towards ultimate way of communication. He analysed the ancient Hunter-like symbol of Pthumerians and other symbols a lot; just like that, he is very good with picking the exact sound tone every time.
Crow of Cainhurst (Eidinghardt)
8) Made-up connections with other characters that weren't in the canon (friends, enemies, whatever)
Maria - They are not blood-related (from what I imagine yet, but hell knows those darn victorian royals), yet they see each other as brother and sister for the most part. It borders between 'friends who are like siblings' and 'friends who are like a tsundereish couple', but the former, honestly, wins. In either case, they are pretty close with each other! They are able to be rude with each other and have conflicts without drastic consequences, their arguments are mostly healthy and natural. Just that they were always capable of both being rivals OR getting up for the shared goal. Eidinghardt was also really jealous when Maria decided to leave Cainhurst and join the hunters, after Maria left he proceeded to take it out on some friends without fully realising how vulnerable he was left.
Elias - his blood sibling. Similarly to how things were with Maria, Eidin was striking conflict with Elias quite often - except Elias was fighting him back verbally rather than arm-wrestling him like he deserved. There is just something about the Crow that makes him have very tense and charged relationship with people truly dear for him, being close with him is both a blessing and a curse! Aware of Elias having a crush on Annalise, he liked to tease him that he was the only one 'actually having a chance to marry her' that'd bring Elias to tears (and have Crow be punched hard by Maria fhdhsf). But he did not know what kind of ancient Hell Cainhurst was to strike thanks to Byrgenwerth being nosy about ancient secrets, and in a way he misses the vulnerable and soft but also brave and heroic sibling, after Elias was 'reborn' into a manic and cursed Cain XIII. He still has pangs of pain for how he was treating Elias, never having realised envy that he felt towards him and how much he was bearing with dignity.
Cainhurst executioner - By executioner, I mean of course not a faction of the Healing Church, but the guy that was delivering the death sentence to those that royal court deemed worthy of it. He is the father of Eidinghardt and Elias, passing both of his gloves down to each sibling.
Annalise - He was fearing her for the biggest part of his life, feeling as though he just 'had' to be her friend because for Maria and Elias she was important; but Annalise showed great grace, honor and self-esteem since even young age. He just never seen anything great about her and just rolled his eyes at her as at 'yeah yeah great noble princess everyone loves'. It was much later when he was able to see her determination, insanity even, her dignity and her ambitions, when he realised she was a worthy companion he was blessed to have had all along. Consuming her blood only made it worse, indeed; the awakened admiration turned into a full-on love. He knew, however, that he lost her to his sibling years ago, so for him it was the best fate to just stay by her side. Separated from Cainhurst, memory about her is just what he holds onto.
Every woman with long red hair - Sorry, but there are LARGE chances that if he sees one similar enough to Annalise, he will treat her as his princess/queen and be overly protective and overly subservient of fdsjhhfds I headcanon that he had spent a LONG ass time away from Cainhurst.
Alfred - Eidin crosses the paths with Alfred at times, not able to be detected by him to his surprise. He found strange enjoyment in trolling Alfred sometimes, though. Like, Alfred would speak of wanting to exterminate all "unholy clan" and Crow would go "ooooh, those vilebloods are very nasty people, aren't they~?" on him and just internally DIE at his reaction fhdsdsf I am yet to figure how would he feel in the scenario where Alfred finishes his quest, and Eidin learns it, though... By default, he certainly takes Alfred for an edgy looser.
Arianna - I like the idea (so far) that Arianna's mother fleed from Cainhurst with Arianna still being a little baby, so Arianna grew up in Yharnam with only very brief idea of her heritage! As result, Crow could've been the one to share more about her history as a noble with her - whereas her mother wanted to keep her safe from such a heart-breaking fate. But I just like the mental image of little Arianna clinging to the Crow as her father/mentor figure, with him really not being up to such a honor but not knowing how to turn her down, hahah; Bonus points if her mother died early and Crow failed Arianna as a caretaker, leaving her to figure out adult life and means for survival on her own, because he was too caught up in his insanity </3 Like, imagine him deciding to commit to checking on her all too late, when she, a descendant of a noble line, already became a sex worker. </3
Henriett - I feel like he'd pester Henriett a lot, challenging her all the time with the threat of harming Amelia/Emilia whom Henriett never wanted to harm unless she fell for beasthood for good. They were throwing hands quite often. As well, Eidin would enjoy watching Henriett and Alfred throw hands.
Eileen - I don't know whether it counts as 'made up' because implication is strong, but come ooooon, it IS Bloodborne! I used to think that he simply imitated Eileen's crow-themed hunter look to not attract much suspicion as hunter that hunts other hunters, but... hmmm, being her apprentice that betrayed her works waaaay better! So I think he got under her wing - when she was intending to kill him in the state of his despair, and he gave a tirade about honorable death and meaning of life that made Eileen not only realise he was not quite blood-drunk (just a bit unstable!), but also that he had a right spirit to continue her quest. She picked him up and was teaching him.... well, more like trying to teach him. He would unmistakeably detect any blood-drunk hunter anyways, with his vileblood senses. They had a problem of Eileen having nothing left that she had to teach him, until they stroke the communication issue! It was Eileen who had to teach him to be civil with the so-called 'League' and to comfort desperate hunters rather than provoking them to go 'crazier'.
Viola - I am stealing your headcanon that Crow killed Viola to provoke Gascoigne into despair - and Henryk, as a result, sorry </3 This just works so well. I headcanon that it was a strange mix of both hatred and longing; if Viola was to cheat on Gascoigne with him, he would probably risk his life protecting her. I feel like he is the type to have a very thin line between hatred and love towards someone. In the least likeable way.
Fauxsefka (Zhosfika) - he tried to strangle her at least once in order to obtain the one remaining Cainhurst summon from her, to see Cainhurst once more. Thankfully, he had enough reason to understand that another name was already written in the one she possessed, as was promised. Was a shameful decay of the relationship though, as they were friends back in Cainhurst. Crow was even willing to put aside her joining the church/Choir, thus betraying the vilebloods - he just hoped she'd at least help HIM, but alas.
9) Headcanons about their past
Crow was preparing to become the next guy to deliver the death sentence in Cainhurst's walls after his father, but discovery of hunters of blood dregs shifted his plans. He was even thankful for the change as he was not looking forward for the executioner fate- heck, he loved playing with his victims way much more than to just having to kill them and make a sad face about it!
He was one of the first guardians of the Queen of Blood that Annalise eventually became, yet also commanded to flee Cainhurst even before he had a chance to fight the Healing Church's crusaders. He did not dare to object, being told that he had more important things to do than to die for Annalise, and fleed. He mediated to her words for quite a while, and continued to seek blood dregs for her that he was not able to even gift her with the bridge being destroyed. He's been consuming them himself though (consuming blood dreg gives you +1 Insight), attempting to recreate telepathic bond with Annalise. If not to be loved by her, then at least to simply be by her side.
Some of the most important books from the Cainhurst library are missing because of him! Before Cainhurst and the rest of Yharnam picked such a large antagonism, Eidinghardt passed many books to commoners to spread the knowledge from. Loosely, it is the way how every single basic yharnamite can use blood bullets magic. Caryll would probably approve of his wish to not hoard the knowledge.
He was training his fighting skills obsessively, not being given any special powers by birth but having just his determination and spite for more gifted people to keep him going. Often, he'd hone his blood-bullets skills on animals, bringing prey back in the castle rather often. On the bright side, he has been a great help in destroying the giant maggots that would settle in blood-drunk vilebloods.
He was not a promising heir to the (Cainhurst's) executioners' line, and had to prove his worth, born initially weak and frail. In a weird way, picking unnecessary fights and conflicts has been a great help in shaping his character and physical proves from the start. The fights were the best teacher in his eyes!
10) Content about them I'd like to see more of
Please, develop something about his interactions with Annalise and/or Maria, I beg you ;-; (I say, as I am doing it myself fdhds). Him interacting with Eileen is very good, him interacting with Alfred..... well, it depends on a person, really, it is not everyone's cup of tea admittedly. But there are so many other vileblood characters! Or even hunter friends that Eileen could have introduced him to xD
Whew, it was fun! Thank you for the very varied asks!
#bloodborne#martyr logarius#lady maria of the astral clocktower#runesmith caryll#bloody crow of cainhurst#ask replies#bloodborne headcanons#also you missed just number 7#that's very aroace of you fsdhfghdsdf /pos#no but seriously ahahahh#it was fun to think up more stuff about these characters though!#some things i had to improvise right on the spot actually!#it always be like this tho#when i am met with an ask i am not prepared for i try to imagine SOMEthing fsfdhds#okay but like.....#can anyone explain why 90% of my fans are on aro/ace spectrum?#no i am genuinely curious fshdhsdf#like what do i do that attracts the aroaces????? explain xd
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i love when people try to assign a sexuality to link as if he's not a conduit for the player but also... he's just a little fella thats been tasked to fight a never ending battle that has lasted multiple life times with no memory of the previous time which makes the battle harder but it doesn't matter, he'll be victorious... right?
#we're ignoring that twilight princess(?) link had a grandfather that was his previous incarnation#remember how theres a timeline where link failed and we got like windwaker and stuff#loz#personal post#also ace aro link REAL
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