#also they had aro and ace stuff!!!
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ganondoodle · 6 months ago
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there was a little queer event in the town next to us (they had two drag queens too!!) and i went there despite the heat (and being afraid of people being dicks) bc im pretty sure its the first time its happened here so i couldnt not go and look at least
there were surprisingly alot of people and ... seeing openly queer people in actual real life standing all around me filled me with a special kind of joy i cant quite describe other than .. feeling more ... real myself? hopeful?
anyway, im also pretty sure i was asked for my pronouns for the first time ever (in real life by strangers) .. even if it was by two teens driving past me on their e-scooter while i was walking back to my car, probably bc the flag i was given there sticking out of my backpack, and it caught me so off guard they had to repeat it and then i said i dont care what im called.... even though thats not true at all q-q i hate how my brain short circuits in situations likes this i just wanted to sink into the earth beneath me and dig my way to my car instead
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deadchannelradio · 5 days ago
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my fanfiction abortion morgue is gaining another jayroy victim that is not long enough to clean up for ao3. this was going to be a very long and meandering noodle about in the river that is jason's mental health and trauma and relationships of all types and healing and the asexual/aromantic spectrum (not that that's the verbage jason would use or language hes even aware of) and low sex drives all that beautiful muck and mire but i have not put a single word on it in well over a year now. so i'm letting her go. be free little fish.
-
They’re better now, anyways, better than they ever were before. Jason had a crisis a few months back, stopping himself from reaching reflexively for his phone to give Dick a call about- nothing important. And then he had realized that he had reflexively gone to call Dick about nothing important, and had gone and stared out the window for 15 minutes, trying to work himself into a different, less horrifying conclusion than the one gathering in his brain like an avalanche. Roy had come home in the middle of it, taken one look at his face and dropped his bag on the floor with a thunk.
“Holy shit,” he said. “Who died?”
“I like him,” Jason said, somewhere between incredulous and horrified. “That cunt, that motherfucker- he made me actually like him-,”
“Who?”
“Dick!” Jason had shouted. “That piece of shit, I want to spend time with him, hours out of my actual human life that I can’t get back-,”
Roy had proceeded to laugh in his face for a solid ten minutes, positively gleeful about Jason’s horrible emotional crisis. “He does that to you, man,” he said once they’d settled in, still chuckling as he cracked open a can of soda, posted up on their couch with Ethiopian takeout in his lap. “One minute you’re sitting there thinking oh my god, this guy, he’s so loud and annoying-,”
“And he never fuckin’ stops moving,” Jason groaned from his spot laying on the floor below him. “His body or his mouth. And he chews loud, he’s obnoxious on purpose, and he’s a model and dated Kory but half the time he dresses like something a goodwill dumpster threw up-,”
“Have you seen his new shoes?” Roy asked. “I dress like dogshit, man, but those things-,”
“Wally got them for him,” Jason said, and then immediately slapped his hands over his face, horrified that he knew that. Roy laughed again. “He’s constantly in your fuckin’ business! Constantly! Last time I saw him he knew the social security numbers of the baristas in the coffee shop I’d been going to-,”
“He gets enabled,” Roy muttered, shoveling injera into his mouth.
“He gets enabled!” Jason said. “Everyone enables him! I enable him! And god, his fucking- puns, man, his quips, we’re all guilty of it but this is a fight, not comedy hour, and even if it was you’d get booed off the stage-,”
“He texted me what he said to Mr. Freeze two weeks ago and I wanted to eat my phone,” Roy said. “It’s amazing no villains kill themselves after he hands their asses to them, I would be humiliated.”
“He sucks!” Jason snapped. 
“He sucks,” Roy agreed. “And then you look around one day at your life-,”
“And you go oh shit, I think this motherfucker’s alright!” Jason mimed hitting himself in the face with Roy’s abandoned house slipper. “Fuck! What’s fucking wrong with me?”
Roy laughed at him, again. “Dick Grayson Derangement Syndrome gets us all in the end,” he said. Jason curled a hand around his bare ankle, and Roy looked down to smile at him, the smallest touch making his whole face bloom open like a rose. Jason had to look away from it, wanting to say: stop. No. You know I’m not enough. You know I’m not like you. You know I can’t give you enough.
He’s been wanting to say that a lot, these days. Toss Roy off the sinking ship with a lifeboat before he has to wake up one day, years on, and realize he’s wasted years with Jason, who can’t love that loud.
He wanted to call Dick about it, which was another horrible realization. Hi big bird, I’m having boy problems. Dick would probably tell him that it means more that Jason has to try, that wanting to try for it is selfless, makes it more significant, which is the kind of thinking that lands a motherfucker in bed with Barbara Gordon, who is enough like Jason to warrant a comparison, but not enough to call her and ask what he should do. Babs loves like the Bolton Strid, and sometimes Jason isn’t sure he loves at all. Not like that.
Jason isn’t nearly as selfless as Dick is convinced he is, not deep down. Because he doesn’t want to let Roy go at all.
It’s late, well into the witching hours, and they’re laying in bed in what was formerly Roy’s bedroom but now holds them both, blinds cracked to let the streetlights through. Jason doesn’t like the dark. Roy’s threatening to buy an eyemask. Jason thinks it’s stupid to blind yourself to potential attackers. Neither of them have brought up going back to sleeping separately. Roy’s nose is pressed between Jason’s shoulder blades, breath humid through his shirt. Not asleep yet, but close. Jason’s books are proliferating on Roy’s shelves, his boxers in Roy’s laundry basket, garrotte wires coiled next to bow strings on the desk that has framed photos, past-Jason’s mouth a little white slash in the bar of orange streetlamp.
Something is clawing at the inside of Jason’s chest, scrabbling like a wild little animal. Trying to dig its way through his spine, into Roy. It hurts.
He shifts, turns over, pushes Roy over onto his back and rolls on top of him, propped up on his elbows to look down at him. Roy grunts, half-awake and confused, but takes his weight. He blinks blearily up at Jason, a crease between his eyebrows- Jason must look intense right now. “Jaybird?” he starts, quiet.
Jason knows this feeling- as all-consuming as it is- is fleeting. It’ll be gone in the morning, and he’ll forget it was ever here. He won’t be able to recall its bite until it comes back around again, like Halley’s comet. He should say something now, while he has it. While he feels it. So Roy can know it’s real. He just doesn’t know how to describe it.
“Jase,” Roy says, sounding more concerned, “Jason, what’s-,”
“Something in here,” Jason interrupts, putting a hand on his own chest, a thudding sound of muscle on muscle, “Wants to eat you.” God, he feels dumb. He’s not good at this, he sounds so much better in his head. His words come out of his mouth sour and curdled and stupid, there’s a reason he doesn’t try to talk about this shit-
Roy lights up, slow at first, then all at once, his face creasing up in his smile like old paper, following familiar folds. Jason feels his toes curl next to his calves, his feet pointing and flexing in excitement. Jason wishes he could make himself smile back, anything other than the dead-eyed concentration he knows he’s wearing right now, but the weight in his ribs is too real and too wild for that- if his teeth come out this might get literal. He wants to crack open Roy’s sternum with his bare hands, climb in like a contortionist and slam it shut behind him.
“Really?” Roy asks, small and soft and giddy. Jason nods, serious. Roy’s teeth dig into his bottom lip, smiling so wide his nose is wrinkling up, little inky lines in the artificial twilight. “Cool,” he says. 
Jason’s hands spasm in the sheets next to Roy’s head. ���Roy,” he starts, “Can I-,” stops. Doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe just to look at him until the sun comes up, just to watch the light turn his freckles from a smear in the dim to pinprick-sized marigolds. Maybe to go to sleep on him like this, the thunder of his heart under Jason’s cheek. Maybe he wants everything. Maybe he wants to be the greediest son of a bitch in Gotham. 
“You can do anything,” Roy promises, and the sincerity in his voice makes the thing chewing on Jason’s lungs shake. “Anything you want. I’ll let you do everything.”
Jason drops his head against Roy’s chest with a grunt like he’s just been punched, unable to choke it back. He pushes himself up- Roy makes a quiet, sad noise, grabbing for him- and fumbles the bedside lamp on. He wants to see everything. Roy’s pupils are huge, even in the light he’s flinching from, irises that strange half-color, too dark for blue or green and too flat for hazel and too light to be brown. His cowlick’s sending his hair in every direction at the left temple, and he’s still smiling at Jason, like he can’t help it. Jason doesn’t know what to do, now that he’s here. A restaurant with an infinite menu. What he wants is strange, probably. Not how normal people want things, not what they want. Jason is off-putting, sometimes on purpose, frequently not, and he doesn’t know how this will come across. But Roy said he could have anything. Whatever he wanted. Giving up all of himself, for nothing. For free. 
Jason should take it. Roy will stop him, if he needs it. He puts his mouth on the cowlick, not a kiss, tucks his nose into Roy’s hair and breathes in deep. The nothing-smell of hair that’s not clean but not dirty. Roy’s hands are pressing into his lats, his legs spreading and crossing behind Jason’s thighs, holding him there. Jason curls both his hands around Roy’s skull, presses gently, cradling his head- all of Roy is in there, somehow, and he needs to be careful with it. His skull feels too small to hold something so important, too fragile. 
Jason drags his thumbs over his eyebrows, presses a thumbnail into the scar bisecting the left one- string snap, Roy told him, nearly took that eye out. Roy’s looking up at him still, and they’re close enough that Jason could count his eyelashes, if he wanted. He runs his fingers over Roy’s ears, feeling the cartilage, gently pinches the flesh of his earlobe, over the hole where he used to have gauges. He moves down to Roy’s neck, puts his hands around his throat, doesn’t squeeze. He feels it when Roy’s breath hitches. Roy shuts his eyes, swallows, his Adam's apple moving under Jason’s palms. 
Jason bites him where his neck meets his shoulder, hard. He thinks about being normal, trying to make it a hickey- but Roy jerks hard beneath him with a strangled noise and that thing in Jason’s chest makes him hold that position until Roy stops moving, until the bolt of his jaw aches. He lets go, spit shining around the deep purple indents in Roy’s skin. Roy lets out a shaking breath, eyes still shut.
Roy already knows he’s an inscrutable freak, Jason decides. He’s going to do everything he’s ever looked at Roy and thought about doing, everything he thought might be weird that he’s ever refrained from. Roy won’t run.
If he does, well. Jason will chase him. Roy is the one who said he was locking Jason down, said nobody in or out. He can’t get too mad if Jason takes him up on it.
He presses his nose near Roy’s armpit. The sharp, live smell of his sweat in Jason’s lungs, muted by whatever axe deodorant he uses that always makes Jason think of a cold wet morning. He rubs his mouth over Roy’s deltoid, teeth dragging. Jason pushes up and kneels with his thighs on either side of Roy’s torso, picks up an arm, runs his hands over Roy’s bicep, digs his thumbs into his elbow. Puts Roy’s thumb in his mouth, tastes skin and salt, bites the draw calluses on his fingers, gentle. Does the other arm too, to keep it even. Roy’s breathing slow and even, looking at Jason again as he shoves his mouth into Roy’s wrist until he can feel the pulse against his lower lip. Roy’s trying to caress his face with that hand, can’t quite manage more than a brush of his fingertips against Jason’s ear. 
Jason knows what he should say here. What he hasn’t been saying, because he knows it’s not the same as how Roy will say it, thinking that it will somehow be a lie because the meaning’s different. But it’s words, which are only stories. There is nothing in a story that is a lie, and no analysis that is wrong, with supporting evidence. Which Jason has, which Jason has always had. Roy at his right shoulder. Never wanting anyone else at his back. Saying to Dick: if there wasn’t Roy, there wouldn’t be anybody. The way they keep finding each other at the lowest of lows, facedown in bottles or looking down barrels of guns to see if they can spot the bullet. Standing there feeling stupid in the holes they’ve dug, pickaxes in hand, before turning and finding the other, just as deep as they are. Saying: gimme a boost and I’ll give you a hand.
Even if he doesn’t mean it in the same way, he means it. I want you, I want you, I want you. The inflection changes the meaning, but only by the barest degrees. 
“I love you,” Jason says, and he’s not lying, because he means them, even if it’s not always how he thinks he should.
#my writing#jayroy#important to note that JASON'S thoughts on his position on the ace/aro spectrum may not be the most woke or whatever. THE AUTHOR (ME) think#that whatever jazzes your music is great and wonderful#Jason's thoughts are very complicated and he is dealing with a deep and wide trauma base and is not aware of the asexual/aromantic labels#this is not a “this is how YOU should feel!” this is a “how would a character w/o access to that type of language or emotional awareness#handle a situation where he has One Person who he does not know how he feels about just that he cannot let this person out of his life#and feels poorly because he thinks he is 'not enough' or 'does not feel enough' compared to that person? and is worried he will hurt them?"#& trusting and respecting someone enough to believe in them that they know the whole you and are making the choice to be in this#relationship with you with their eyes open and are okay with what they are getting and not trying to throw them out to 'protect them'#i at the time was having some real in depth thoughts about this stuff wrt the guy who i am now dating (he knows this)#and his position on these spectrums and my location on these spectrums etc. it kind of a little bit was a love letter to him.#anyways. it was going to be long and in depth and complicated and i just dont have room in my heart for long complicated in depth jayroy#at the moment. alas#i also then had my trans woman jason epiphany/sign from god and this was going to get EVEN MORE COMPLICATED#just not the threads i want to weave with anymore#if you read all these tags WOW
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starrytalking · 5 months ago
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Do you ever meet someone and think that they are so cool that if you were attracted to people in that way you would have a crush on them?
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wojtekaneko · 11 months ago
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It was his brother's idea.
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braidedhades · 8 months ago
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just found out that non-aromantics actually have feelings towards the people they decide to have a crush on. Apparently it’s not like, “hmmm should I consider this person for dating? what are the pros and cons here?” Or like, “I want to be really close friends with that person” But it’s like an actual emotional response or something? An emotion that is different from the “I wanna be really close friends” emotion??
also I just figured out that I’m aromantic
#I’m also ace but I already knew that#Shout out to Jaiden Animations#Never would have figured this stuff out this quickly otherwise#asexual#aromantic#aroace#My first “crush” was Carmen San Diego#I was 18yrs old and that “crush” lasted 2 days#Turns out she wasn’t as pretty when she wasn’t wearing her signature outfit#I didn’t actually have a crush on her I just really liked her outfit#I think I just decided that “ya know I should’ve had a crush on someone by now kinda weird that it hasn’t happened yet”#And then I just picked the first pretty girl I saw#She’s animated so I guess that made it less weird than having a crush on a random stranger#But like there were no actual romantic emotions there#Didn’t know that there were supposed to be any but oh well#The whole “I wanna be really close friends with that person” thing really threw me off for a while#Cuz I thought that was what romantic attraction was#But apparently it’s not???#Too confusing we should just get rid of romance#Honestly my idea of the “ideal romantic/queerplatonic relationship” should have tipped me off sooner that I was aro#It was “a close friend who lives in the same house as me but we have separate bedrooms and sometimes we cuddle on the couch but not…#… always and we don’t hold hands or kiss or anything but we just act like really good but close friends because that’s what I think a…#… romantic relationship is two people who are really close friends”#might delete later I dunno just kinda rambling and I’m really tired
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theswedishpajas · 1 year ago
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I’ve been making some choices in-game for the sake of accuracy to me irl, but they’ve started to catch up with me mentally ✌️✌️✌️
We’re working on it though, just gotta keep at it and learn how to stop myself more in the future 😤
#my art stuff#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#tav#tiefling tav#astral-touched tadpole#special tadpole#bg3 act 3#act 3#act 3 spoilers#this is mainly touching on my irl self-consciousness about my veins#and I’ve had a rather troubled past causing me to become hypersexual#while also being heavily aro-ace#it’s caused a bad addiction to set roots and while I’ve been handling it okay irl lately#it’s starting to itch at the back of my head and seep into the game instead#I connect very easily with media when I hyperfixate and the world of the media feels like my own for however long I hyperfixate on it#so the things I’ve been doing in the game cus “they can’t actually harm me” there have started to harm me anyways#or at least I think so#i keep actively thinking about the choices before I make them#and my curiosity causes me to make the choices on a scrap save that I throw out after#but sometimes a lil voice in the back of my head goes “that wasn’t that bad - let’s keep it cus I WOULD do this if it were me irl”#and then I get too stubborn to change it before I’ve played enough that it would actually set me back a stressful amount to do so#I’ve been latching onto Astarion because I recognize parts of myself in him and helping myself is too hard sometimes so I help him instead#but I still deserve to help myself - especially when it’s extra hard to do so.#comic#mental health#serious conversation#a lot of my conversations are serious (even when they seem goofy on surface level) but still#sketch
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the-golden-dragoness · 6 months ago
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Does anyone know how to maneuver a relationship where they are interested in dating you but you were fine being old school acquaintances who don’t speak to each other
#tgdposts#personal#aroace#actually aroace#aromantic#asexual#ace#aro#asexuality#aromanticism#we’re hanging out at an undetermined point which I’m fine with I love hanging out but I can tell he’s into me and I feel neutral about it#good new is I’ve clearly grown since last time this scenario happened because I think I’m being less of a leading on asshole about it#also ideologically I’m not about assuming they want to date instead of be friends so I don’t want to assume anything#but based on how he’s talking to me I think he likes me which I obviously do not reciprocate#fond of me as the Brits say#he’s asked how my day/weekend was for the second time in all too short a timespan which I find telling#not that it irritates me but it’s obvious he wants to pursue SOMETHING#anyway just bc I said okay to hang for coffee does not mean I want to participate in this kind of online conversation he’s initiating#his eagerness to talk is telling and I already lowkey had vibes from him after the fall semester when he asked how my winter vacay was#I was like yeah I’m SUPER BUSY with family stuff and studying for my makeup exam#tbh thought that was the end of it until recently#this is mainly a vent post I guess if anyone has opinions feel free to share#I guess my broad struggle is that I’m learning how to be aroace and assume the best of a situation without leading people on#also I feel this kind of situation is almost inevitable if I want to make friends with guys even though having them want to date me#is not the most ideal start to a friendship with someone#ok to rb although idk why you’d want to
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lumiilys · 4 months ago
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What if I just rambled in the tags rn?
#personal stuff don’t mind me#just musings about sex and relationships#am I ace or aro? am I just opposed to the idea of a relationship cause I feel like I could never trust anyone on that level?#am I ace? sex sounds fun enough but it also doesn’t feel necessary? and I can’t imagine ever wanting to sleep with anyone#I literally never considered this until one of my friends complained to me about being sexually frustrated and I was like ???#??? THATS A REAL THING ???#I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE#where am I going with this#I’ve had 4 crushes in my life (excluding fictional characters cause I don’t think that’s the same)#I’m definitely bisexual#and yet am I? am I even attracted to anyone?#maybe I’m just on the ace spectrum somewhere?#and does it even really matter? why should I feel like I have to label it?#maybe it’s cause I feel like I have to label it to be valid#otherwise people view you as a loser#it’s frustrating#people talk about the concept of virginity being meaningless#and I usually see people talk about it in the sense of like#having lots of sex and sleeping with lots of people doesn’t make you impure#(which is true!!!)#but I feel like some people who say that still look down on people who don’t have sex#and view them as no fun or prudes or whatever#and the double standards piss me off#lol sorry for all of this I just need to ramble somewhere#ollie rambles#adding on#like the fact that I’m ashamed to admit even in the tags here that I’ve not had sex before is ridiculous!!!#it shouldn’t be this way!!!!#it’s something completely neutral!!!!!#it should be on the same level as admitting I’ve never tried melon or never been rollerblading!!!!
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aroaessidhe · 1 year ago
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2023 reads // twitter thread
Gods, Monsters, and the Lucky Peach
sff novella merging a future recovering from climate catastrophes where the rich time travel to the past for recreation, and historical fantasy
a woman who’s spent her life restoring ecosystems puts together a small team to get the chance to time travel back to 2000BC to survey the Tigris and Euphrates rivers
aging MC with octopus leg prosthetics
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karliahs · 8 months ago
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can't believe i am agonising this much over whether to put a fic i haven't even finished yet in the / or & tags when every day dozens of unambigously romantic fics are put in the & tags without a second thought
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235uranium · 2 years ago
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not to be back on my bullshit already but like. ford talking about how he doesn't understand romance in journal 3 quite literally does not prove he's ace in any sense of the definition unless you assume only ace people struggle with traditional relationship models (literally not fucking true??) or that aro people are always/usually ace (I am beating you with a broom). it's evidence towards him being aro if anything!
but even then I think that's an accidental meaning in the writing. the passage exists to show how detached ford is from the sheer idea of family and how he doesn't understand fiddleford's attachment to his wife and son! it's also a subtle reason to show why the pines family might not notice anything after the portal incident (i.e- ford didn't talk to his parents or sister much, if at all, after moving to gravity falls.)
it's even more frustrating when ppl mention that line... and then make him alloace?????
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tempestclerics · 2 years ago
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.
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starrytalking · 5 months ago
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A friend of mine is posting stuff on threads and I got it too so that I could read their funny little posts but I don’t feel super comfy to post completely open stuff there too cause I’m not out to like my family and stuff and it’s linked to my Instagram account (also I made it a private account which seems kinda pointless) and I realised that what they use threads for comes close to what I use tumblr for (just that me texts here are longer that a typical threads post seems to be) and that i actually would be comfy to show them my tumblr I think. Is this what having a friendship and being completely open is about????
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katyspersonal · 2 years ago
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1 and 2 for Logarius
3 And 4 for Maria
5 and 6 for Caryll
8, 9, and 10 for Bloody Crow (he gets three because he’s my blorbo)
<3
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Oh well, this will be a bit of a ride, huh? But thank you!
(Asks from this ( x ) meme)
Logarius/Rogeriusz
1) What would their social media page/activity be like
Hypocrite on main, nuff said. Would post plenty of short posts "spreading some positivity", encouraging others to be kind and good, some wise thoughts etc. Often some fake-deep quotes plastered on aesthetic pictures of nature. Sometimes they're ACTUALLY deep thoughts. But his comments section is the utter Hell as most of the comments are people sharing something bad he did/said earlier and calling him out on being hypocrite. The funniest part is that he doesn't moderate his comments section at ALL - never bothers to block any users or retort or just close the darn section! Granted, there are plenty of white knights that defend him in the comments. Every darn post has like 5k comments worth of online battlefield djfsdds
2) What animal they remind me of
For some reason, this is ram!
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I tried to disconnect from cold aesthetic because that's Cainhurst stuff, but I keep saying that he is 'just evil Ludwig', haha. So he feels like a hooved animal for me, but whereas Ludwig is indeed like a stallion himself, Logarius would need to be an animal who is associated with both stubbornness (to a fault, because Gold Ardeo symbolises being a total blockhead determined to crash everyone who you deem impure) and majesty. I think their horns ARE pretty graceful!
Maria
3) My thoughts on their design/aesthetic alone
Alright, if I completely empty my head from all lore and just look at her... For some reason, overall impression on her design is no very... 'impressive' for me? She indeed wears a costume of a fighter prioritising agility over defence, and seems like just a blonde, and is indeed a woman with sword(s)... Like this is indeed a female action figure, sure? However, it is all in the DETAILS. It is when I look at filigree on her clothes, and how she is not just blonde but actually ashy blonde, and how pretty her pale eyelashes against dark eyeshadow, and how beautiful that green brooch looks against white collar, and take closer look at her eyes. THEN I actually appreciate her and think she is very beautiful! From what I know, many people were absolutely swayed by her merely appearing instantly, so I am not sure why it was different for me? I think her design is good enough, but the REAL beauty of it all lurks in intricate and elegant details for me!
4) Physical headcanons (sleeping habits, favourite food, all that)
She's is the type to have trouble falling asleep without some sort of audible stimulation. It has to be something - humming, burning wood in the fireplace, someone reading and shuffling pages, all that. Funny enough, this is the exact problem my Brador has! (Cute date idea - falling asleep peacefully while listening to Simon cry <3 sdjhdhs) That naturally subdued when she was torn between dream/nightmare, we talking about her "physical" life!
Kind of on a brink between physical and psychological, but her favorite way to stim is to push her whole face against plants full of morning dew, especially bushy flowers such as hydrangea!
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Sitting near a puddle or another shallow body of water and sticking her hands down in it is also a favourite.
The dark area under her eyes is not a makeup nor it is dark circles of Constant Exhaustion, it is just a feature that tends to appear in most people with Pthumerian blood in them! I generally headcanon that Pthumerians and humans can have children, so some characters in Bloodborne are mixed species; Maria is certainly mixed between human and Pthumerian like other vilebloods, a branch that has long history of being super selective with the spouses to basically combine strong features of both species. I also decided to take her eyebrows being white not as creators being lazy with coloring the model, but as a legit feature - again, a hint of some Pthumerian blood.
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She is cursed with only ever feeling appetite to the foods that are not healthy - be it less refined kind of alcohol, exceptionally fat meat, food that got burnt beyond saving, overly sugary pastries and cakes etc. That is her unique developed reaction to being able to eat very good and high-quality foods as someone living in the rich castle, so when she left Cainhurst, she had to put extra willpower into eating normally now that no one will bring her meals on the plate. It is just that the highest restaraunt quality meal she has to force herself to finish without even feeling pleasure, when a burnt potato that was also overly salted will make her drool.
She is physically strong without training and was born this way - again, Pthumerian genes showing. So instead of training to lift weights and hit stronger, Maria had to learn somewhat of an opposite, to stop hurting people's hands with merely handshake or accidentally sending objects to fly while trying to move them. So, most of her training as a hunter had to do with agility and applying this force the right way; prior that, she was having to learn to apply her strength towards other people in reasonable amount. Basically her arc was not to become ripped, but to learn how to be ripped in a way that HELPS her rather than works as a destructive liability.
Continuing theme of a power she had to learn to control + that can be dangerous! As a child and teenager, if she was bleeding in some way (like cut or damage from falling), she would start to accidentally ignite things around her from anxiety... And people who'd try to help, too. The worst that happened so far was burning half of Ludwig's face in panic and anger. The power of pyromancy and quickening draws itself from the blood. So, when she started having periods, she had to actually seek guidance from elders in Cainhurst to not like... burn everything around her or keep teleporting away from people in fear. However, she didn't have many people to talk about it with, because such powerful genetic combination is rare. She suppressed the pyromancy quite well though, to the point she has to focus very much (and to hurt herself very much) to awaken it again (something Gehrman resented, as she was "burying her hunter potential"). Maria was, however, able to teach Gehrman and his other hunters how to use the quickening (teleportation) because everyone who imbibed holy blood could master it! But pyromancy, alas, IS inherited genetically!
She ended up giving into a habit of having a glass of red wine in like, every other several hours, later in her life as a hunter and then as overseer of Research Hall.
Natually, she has some scars on her belly area from previous attempts to see how to tap on her powers of blood and fire if she has to. I am yet to decide whether Gehrman had the balls to reflect them on the Doll or left any traces of her pain out; he did know about them though, as he had to care for Maria after one of the unlucky attempts.
Caryll/Karel
5) Social headcanons (what do they think of their friends/allies if they have any, what are they looking for in relationship, what people tend to think about them...)
Caryll does believe in respecting the elders - which is convenient, because he was one of the older Byrgenwerth scholars, together with Damian! It is a bit not conceivable for him that sometimes someone much older than you can be dumb as shit, as in his life older people were offering nothing but a wise advice, years of valid experience and predictions that turned out to be right in the end! But, yes, he will take it nearly personally if one of the scholars disrespects Willem, Gehrman, Dores, Damian, Carolee (memory altar witch) or Custodio (gatekeeper)... and if they disrespect him, too.
He does share Willem's 'the only thing that will teach the fools is their failure' philosophy, so he will often refuse to intervene and only open his yap when he is to explain the person WHAT went wrong and WHY they failed. He is also the type to learn at the expense of the mistakes of others, so at times it gets as dark as letting the other people endure their failures to see what happens and apply to himself. However, he likes quite a number of the people he knows. It is less direct indifference and more of a 'sadistic' type of caring: Caryll finds enjoyment in watching his acquaintances become smarter and stronger with harsh life experiences.
On the other hand, he believes that the 'ultimate' language (runes) will significantly speed-up evolution of humanity, as a single experience will be able to be communicated to everyone else through only one symbol. He made several attempts to capture very personal and intimate yet very important personal experiences, there exist some runes that 'player' never finds that could serve as valid life lessons. People who know of such practice are all Byrgenwerth scholars, so they do not find anything callous in distributing personal experiences and feelings 'for common knowledge'. Yurie/Julie is an exception, and thinks truth of Great Ones is quite enough - there is no need to utilise intimate feelings 'for common good'!
Caryll is a true artist that admires the shapes, views and people's bodies and faces as they are, believing in his ability to communicate the unique beauty and features of every individual via portraits. He doesn't have a 'type' and is able to praise the physical quirks of every person; not because he has no standards, but because he can see beauty in how every person is built! He feels a little antsy when someone is insecure about their "imperfection" and wants to obscure something with hair, make-up or clothes. The type of an artist that will tell you to move your hair behind so he could capture your big Dumbo ears, you know! If you get this lil shit to actually speak with words, he might praise you right into accepting your body.
Caryll is not very interested in relationship; besides, again, his trait of wanting to capture and pass on what he can plays out. He is more interested in watching healthy (or not so much) relationship of other people and capture them in a book. However, he still needs love of course, just different type of it, such as friendship or platonic admiration or master's patronage.
6) Psychological headcanons (tastes, fears, talents, regrets, how they deal with anger, just anything that comes to mind on the topic)
Caryll dives into nonverbal behavior very often, sometimes able to only offer strange noises, gestures or doodles as means of communication. If it wasn't for Byrgenwerth introducing him the runes, he'd study music to communicate his feelings, as he believes that visual art, albeit good, can't be understood at the same extent as the sound. He might reach stressful state where he just gives a single frustrated sound every time someone asks what's wrong - and then gets upset when nobody gets what DOES he need ;-; A rare person is able to cooperate with this 'barrier' - Rom, for example.
Caryll's anger is cold and passive-aggressive. He will never yell or snap, but rather taint with no end. One knows Caryll is angry with them when Caryll starts to verbally communicate more eagerly - and it is all some subtle hints or 'clever' remarks! Caryll gets more nonverbal when he feels vulnerable; but also, when he feels safe.
Past his arc of creating alphabet of inhuman sounds, Caryll feels dark joy upon learning that some human language is going extinct. However, if it wasn't for the runes, he'd have had opposite reaction. Normally he believes that no language can be universal as each has unique nuances worthy of celebrating! Runes language, however, showed the way to transcend this limitation.
He is extremely happy when he can cuddle someone, be it a person or an animal. Tactile contact is very important for him! He has a history of overstepping his boundaries with cuddling animals that would end biting/scratching him. As a human, you can easily earn a place amongst his best friends by letting him hug you without 'making it weird or have it be sexualised'. He subscribed to the fact that most people would never understand his feelings or intentions correctly, but he does have a secret rune that gives no benefits except for understanding how he sees the world and people, that he would gladly give to those who care about him enough.
He is confident in his own beauty in an interesting way, loving to wear boots to highlight his legs and often posing like some sort of model when he does speak xD His voice might appear monotonous most of the time, however.
He is 35+ whereas other scholars barely reached their 20s, yet is able to cry from too much fear or confusion easily. Realising that he was drastically misunderstood might absolutely ruin him mentally, and he resorts to just sitting in the corner and whimpering, only answering questions with some noises.
Him inventing language of inhuman sounds was not a blessing of chosen one, not something done with his body, but simply him being a nerd and a genius enough to crack the (accurate enough) code towards ultimate way of communication. He analysed the ancient Hunter-like symbol of Pthumerians and other symbols a lot; just like that, he is very good with picking the exact sound tone every time.
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Crow of Cainhurst (Eidinghardt)
8) Made-up connections with other characters that weren't in the canon (friends, enemies, whatever)
Maria - They are not blood-related (from what I imagine yet, but hell knows those darn victorian royals), yet they see each other as brother and sister for the most part. It borders between 'friends who are like siblings' and 'friends who are like a tsundereish couple', but the former, honestly, wins. In either case, they are pretty close with each other! They are able to be rude with each other and have conflicts without drastic consequences, their arguments are mostly healthy and natural. Just that they were always capable of both being rivals OR getting up for the shared goal. Eidinghardt was also really jealous when Maria decided to leave Cainhurst and join the hunters, after Maria left he proceeded to take it out on some friends without fully realising how vulnerable he was left.
Elias - his blood sibling. Similarly to how things were with Maria, Eidin was striking conflict with Elias quite often - except Elias was fighting him back verbally rather than arm-wrestling him like he deserved. There is just something about the Crow that makes him have very tense and charged relationship with people truly dear for him, being close with him is both a blessing and a curse! Aware of Elias having a crush on Annalise, he liked to tease him that he was the only one 'actually having a chance to marry her' that'd bring Elias to tears (and have Crow be punched hard by Maria fhdhsf). But he did not know what kind of ancient Hell Cainhurst was to strike thanks to Byrgenwerth being nosy about ancient secrets, and in a way he misses the vulnerable and soft but also brave and heroic sibling, after Elias was 'reborn' into a manic and cursed Cain XIII. He still has pangs of pain for how he was treating Elias, never having realised envy that he felt towards him and how much he was bearing with dignity.
Cainhurst executioner - By executioner, I mean of course not a faction of the Healing Church, but the guy that was delivering the death sentence to those that royal court deemed worthy of it. He is the father of Eidinghardt and Elias, passing both of his gloves down to each sibling.
Annalise - He was fearing her for the biggest part of his life, feeling as though he just 'had' to be her friend because for Maria and Elias she was important; but Annalise showed great grace, honor and self-esteem since even young age. He just never seen anything great about her and just rolled his eyes at her as at 'yeah yeah great noble princess everyone loves'. It was much later when he was able to see her determination, insanity even, her dignity and her ambitions, when he realised she was a worthy companion he was blessed to have had all along. Consuming her blood only made it worse, indeed; the awakened admiration turned into a full-on love. He knew, however, that he lost her to his sibling years ago, so for him it was the best fate to just stay by her side. Separated from Cainhurst, memory about her is just what he holds onto.
Every woman with long red hair - Sorry, but there are LARGE chances that if he sees one similar enough to Annalise, he will treat her as his princess/queen and be overly protective and overly subservient of fdsjhhfds I headcanon that he had spent a LONG ass time away from Cainhurst.
Alfred - Eidin crosses the paths with Alfred at times, not able to be detected by him to his surprise. He found strange enjoyment in trolling Alfred sometimes, though. Like, Alfred would speak of wanting to exterminate all "unholy clan" and Crow would go "ooooh, those vilebloods are very nasty people, aren't they~?" on him and just internally DIE at his reaction fhdsdsf I am yet to figure how would he feel in the scenario where Alfred finishes his quest, and Eidin learns it, though... By default, he certainly takes Alfred for an edgy looser.
Arianna - I like the idea (so far) that Arianna's mother fleed from Cainhurst with Arianna still being a little baby, so Arianna grew up in Yharnam with only very brief idea of her heritage! As result, Crow could've been the one to share more about her history as a noble with her - whereas her mother wanted to keep her safe from such a heart-breaking fate. But I just like the mental image of little Arianna clinging to the Crow as her father/mentor figure, with him really not being up to such a honor but not knowing how to turn her down, hahah; Bonus points if her mother died early and Crow failed Arianna as a caretaker, leaving her to figure out adult life and means for survival on her own, because he was too caught up in his insanity </3 Like, imagine him deciding to commit to checking on her all too late, when she, a descendant of a noble line, already became a sex worker. </3
Henriett - I feel like he'd pester Henriett a lot, challenging her all the time with the threat of harming Amelia/Emilia whom Henriett never wanted to harm unless she fell for beasthood for good. They were throwing hands quite often. As well, Eidin would enjoy watching Henriett and Alfred throw hands.
Eileen - I don't know whether it counts as 'made up' because implication is strong, but come ooooon, it IS Bloodborne! I used to think that he simply imitated Eileen's crow-themed hunter look to not attract much suspicion as hunter that hunts other hunters, but... hmmm, being her apprentice that betrayed her works waaaay better! So I think he got under her wing - when she was intending to kill him in the state of his despair, and he gave a tirade about honorable death and meaning of life that made Eileen not only realise he was not quite blood-drunk (just a bit unstable!), but also that he had a right spirit to continue her quest. She picked him up and was teaching him.... well, more like trying to teach him. He would unmistakeably detect any blood-drunk hunter anyways, with his vileblood senses. They had a problem of Eileen having nothing left that she had to teach him, until they stroke the communication issue! It was Eileen who had to teach him to be civil with the so-called 'League' and to comfort desperate hunters rather than provoking them to go 'crazier'.
Viola - I am stealing your headcanon that Crow killed Viola to provoke Gascoigne into despair - and Henryk, as a result, sorry </3 This just works so well. I headcanon that it was a strange mix of both hatred and longing; if Viola was to cheat on Gascoigne with him, he would probably risk his life protecting her. I feel like he is the type to have a very thin line between hatred and love towards someone. In the least likeable way.
Fauxsefka (Zhosfika) - he tried to strangle her at least once in order to obtain the one remaining Cainhurst summon from her, to see Cainhurst once more. Thankfully, he had enough reason to understand that another name was already written in the one she possessed, as was promised. Was a shameful decay of the relationship though, as they were friends back in Cainhurst. Crow was even willing to put aside her joining the church/Choir, thus betraying the vilebloods - he just hoped she'd at least help HIM, but alas.
9) Headcanons about their past
Crow was preparing to become the next guy to deliver the death sentence in Cainhurst's walls after his father, but discovery of hunters of blood dregs shifted his plans. He was even thankful for the change as he was not looking forward for the executioner fate- heck, he loved playing with his victims way much more than to just having to kill them and make a sad face about it!
He was one of the first guardians of the Queen of Blood that Annalise eventually became, yet also commanded to flee Cainhurst even before he had a chance to fight the Healing Church's crusaders. He did not dare to object, being told that he had more important things to do than to die for Annalise, and fleed. He mediated to her words for quite a while, and continued to seek blood dregs for her that he was not able to even gift her with the bridge being destroyed. He's been consuming them himself though (consuming blood dreg gives you +1 Insight), attempting to recreate telepathic bond with Annalise. If not to be loved by her, then at least to simply be by her side.
Some of the most important books from the Cainhurst library are missing because of him! Before Cainhurst and the rest of Yharnam picked such a large antagonism, Eidinghardt passed many books to commoners to spread the knowledge from. Loosely, it is the way how every single basic yharnamite can use blood bullets magic. Caryll would probably approve of his wish to not hoard the knowledge.
He was training his fighting skills obsessively, not being given any special powers by birth but having just his determination and spite for more gifted people to keep him going. Often, he'd hone his blood-bullets skills on animals, bringing prey back in the castle rather often. On the bright side, he has been a great help in destroying the giant maggots that would settle in blood-drunk vilebloods.
He was not a promising heir to the (Cainhurst's) executioners' line, and had to prove his worth, born initially weak and frail. In a weird way, picking unnecessary fights and conflicts has been a great help in shaping his character and physical proves from the start. The fights were the best teacher in his eyes!
10) Content about them I'd like to see more of
Please, develop something about his interactions with Annalise and/or Maria, I beg you ;-; (I say, as I am doing it myself fdhds). Him interacting with Eileen is very good, him interacting with Alfred..... well, it depends on a person, really, it is not everyone's cup of tea admittedly. But there are so many other vileblood characters! Or even hunter friends that Eileen could have introduced him to xD
Whew, it was fun! Thank you for the very varied asks!
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spock-adoodledoo · 1 year ago
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feeling officially aro for now
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maydayprkr · 2 years ago
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i love when people try to assign a sexuality to link as if he's not a conduit for the player but also... he's just a little fella thats been tasked to fight a never ending battle that has lasted multiple life times with no memory of the previous time which makes the battle harder but it doesn't matter, he'll be victorious... right?
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