#also they both look like the type of dude to eat meat

[martianbugsbunny]

It's giving Kalluzeb in the jungle of Yavin

[demontobee]

Good Omens is queering TV/storytelling - part 1: GAZE

I would argue that part of why Good Omens is so refreshingly queer is because it does not cater to the male gaze (which centers around the preferences - aesthetic, romantic, sexual, visual, logical, emotional, political ... - of mainly white men in positions of power):

no oversexualization of groups or types of people: Women or characters that could be read as female presenting are not overly sexualized. In fact, some of them are shown to be grimy, slimy and not sexual at all. All of them are real characters and not just cardboard-cutout on-screen versions of male misogynistic fantasies. They portray real people with real people problems. They are human, or exempt from our categories when portraying angels or demons. There are no overly sexualized bodies in general (as has so far also often been the case with young gay men, PoC, etc.), no fetishization of power imbalances, and not exclusively youthful depiction of love and desire.

sex or sexual behavior is not shown directly (yet): All imagery and symbolism of sex and sexuality is used not to entice the audience but is very intimately played out between characters, which makes it almost uncomfortable to watch (e.g., Aziraphale being tempted to eat meat, Crowley watching Aziraphale eat, the whole gun imagery).

flaunting heteronormativity: Throughout GO but especially GO2, there is very little depiction of heterosexual/romantic couples; most couples are very diverse and no one is making a fuss about it. There is no fetishization of bodies or identities. Just people (and angels and demons) being their beautiful selves (or trying to).

age: Even though Neil Gaiman explained that Crowley and Aziraphale are middle-aged because the actors are, I think it is also queering the idea of romance, love and desire existing mainly within youthful contexts. Male gaze has taught us that young people falling and being in love is what we have to want to see, and any depiction of love that involves people being not exactly young anymore is either part of a fetishized power imbalance (often with an older dude using his power to prey on younger folx) or presents us with marital problems, loss of desire, etc. – all with undertones of decay and patronizing sympathy. Here, however, we get a beautifully crafted, slow-burn, and somehow super realistic love story that centers around beings older than time and presenting as humans in their 50s figuring out how to deal with love. It makes them both innocent and experienced, in a way that is refreshing and heartbreaking and unusual and real.

does not (exclusively) center around romantic/sexual love: I don’t know if this is a gaze point exactly but I feel like male gaze and resulting expectations of what a love story should look like are heavily responsible for our preoccupation with romantic/sexual love in fiction – the “boy gets girl” type of story. And even though, technically, GO seems to focus on a romantic love story in the end, it is also possible to read this relationship but also the whole show as centering around a kind of love that goes beyond the narrow confines of our conditioned boxed-in thinking. It seems to depict a love of humanity and the world and the universe and just the ineffability of existence as a whole.

disability as beautiful and innate to existence: Disability is represented amongst angels by the extremely cool Saraqael and by diversely disabled unnamed angels in the Job minisode. Representation of disability is obviously super important in its own right, but is also queers what we perceive as aesthetically and ontologically "normal". Male gaze teaches us that youth and (physical and mental) health are the desirable standard and everything else is to be seen as a deviance, a mistake. By including disability among the angels, beings that have existed before time and space, the show clearly states that disability is a beautiful and innate part of existence.

gender is optional/obsolete: Characters like Crowley, Muriel and others really undermine the (visual and aesthetic) boundaries of gender and the black-and-white thinking about gender that informs male gaze. Characters cannot be identfied simply as (binary) men or women anymore just by looking at them or by interpreting their personalities or behaviors. Most characters in GO, and especially the more genderqueer ones, display a balance of feminine and masculine traits as well as indiosyncracies that dissolve the gender binary.

Feel free to add your own thoughts on this in the comments or tags!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Their ideal partners

Silly little hcs because ive been thinking what each of the lads look for in a s/o

Slenderman;

Given I'm aiming for the "he's been observing humans for centuries and has grown used to their antics," vibe with him, I feel like he'd like someone who keeps him guessing

Nothing TOO crazy, because he can be irritable, but if you intrigue him he'll definitely stay around

Does he have any peculiar icks? Tastes?

Can't stand messy people... doesn't mind if its unorganized, or a chaotic system, but if you live in muck it's a deal breaker

Doesn't care what you look like, or what gender you are; he sees beyond that because, again, ancient being that's been watching humans for a long time.. kinda desensitized to that sort of thing

Laughing Jack;

He WANTS someone who can match his energy; but he NEEDS someone who can mellow him out

As much as I hate the "I can fix/change him" thing (well I dont HATE it, it really matters on execution and all), Jack needs someone who can make him chill out a bit

Icks? You know those people who kill the energy in a room? Like total buzzkill + downers? He doesnt like those. Not like the "he hates depressed people" way, obviously, but in the way that

Okay so idk if this is just a me thing but I come across a lot of people who do it on purpose for attention/quirkiness, those are the kinds of people he doesnt like

Like slenderman, he doesnt really care what you look like; bros gonna slip himself around you like a snake (affectionately)

Eyeless Jack;

Right off the bat he needs someone who's understanding

It ain't easy being a cursed man who's forced to eat human meat

Someone who's willing to listen to what happened to him, and help him see the brighter side of things

Basically a "storm cloud x sunshine" ship dynamic

Icks? As long as you're not too chaotic or hyper he's fine with it; Jack is more quiet and reserved energy wise, stress tends to make the curses symptoms worse

Prefers short people; he himself is also short (I hc hes about 5'5), and he's a lil insecure, but he's not totally opposed to dating taller people

Masky;

Writing for specifically masky for this one instead of the usual tim, hope that's alright!! I just wanna flesh out him n hoodie more

Bro is kinda..... whouf... rough around the edges; kinda feral

Not like FERAL feral, but this is the kind of dude who tunnels on someone during his work and wont be afraid to body slam into stuff full speed/force

So naturally, he gets hurt a lot. So a caring and soft partner is an immediate go to; especially since in my hc/au tim still exists, just as a different.. persona? Headspace? I really dont know the correct terms <\3

He likes observing as well, but he'll occasionally join in on whatever activity you're doing!!

Icks? Loud people... I would say spontaneous people as well, but considering my take on him, he kinda falls into a softcore version of that category

Hoodie;

Very similar to masky, but also not... between the two hes more.. calm and calculating; whereas Masky tends to dive straight in, in most cases

Should not that neither of them verbally speak; so they both need a partner who's fine with physical touch since that's one of their main ways of communicating/showing affection

Especially with hoodie; dude always has a hand on you and guiding you in some way

Unlike all the others, hoodie does not have ANY preferences for partners. Doesn't matter the personality, body type, and he doesnt have many icks

Like

Probably doesnt like arrogance, kinda just annoys him.... but hey, makes his.. job.. easier

[mew-ya]

katakuri headcanons 🍩 - update (1/9)

- assessing his mother and brothers, where do his teeth come from? my thought is that his father is half fishman, as it's previously been stated that quarter fishmen do not have the ability to breathe underwater or really get much special strength--but I think an unusual mouth could be feasible. perhaps he's quarter pelican eel fishman?! that could explain why his brothers look (relatively) normal, it's just a recessive gene that falls out with the stronger human/whatever Big Mom genes are.

- his massive "house" granted to him by his mother is immaculate, spotless, spartan. this is because he doesn't live in it. he has a true living quarters hidden somewhere on komugi island that holds his some of his less grave secrets (such as his silly little hobbies and his preference of milk alternative). he's a private person so no one really goes there. only brulee knows about it, and maybe a few of his other closest siblings.

- he is 48, so he'd be pretty out of touch with the things his young siblings like. he's a humble guy so I think he'd take their "omg youre OLD" bullying in stride, and they'd love him for it. very popular with the kids AND their parents, future sight is the ultimate babysitter ability. he can stop a toddler with a safe alternative before they even think about climbing up a curtain.

- torn on wanting kids himself. he loves them, maybe he wanted them when he was younger. but his family has a lot already and he's a busy man. will he be able to care for them like he wants? how can he shield them from his mother and what she put him through? what if they are born with his face? will his child be able to live their own life without living in his shadow? it's complicated for him, and he thinks very deeply about it.

- it's pretty hard for him to keep secrets from brulee in general. they have a bit of an unhealthy relationship in that regard...they're both very protective of each other, which can make it difficult to get close to them. kata scares off anyone who looks at brulee the wrong way, shooting them a glare or worse if they dont catch the hint. brulee secretly watches anyone from her mirrors who appears to be paying too much attention to katakuri and confronts them if she suspects they're up to no good. she's a sweet woman deep down, but has learned to be a convincing witch.

- katakuri is a sucker for foods that have sweetness, and it's warped his taste buds a bit. whenever people try his occasional cooking, they're a bit taken back by the presence of sugar on everything. he watches for reactions patiently and most are too afraid to offend him, so they pretend it's good. he's a humble guy, so the typically universal praise doesn't go to his head. his brothers might have a stupid nickname for him like "sweetsteak" but he thinks they're joking.

- as for the types of foods he likes to eat besides donuts: I think he'd like bagels of the sweet variety, such as blueberry or cinnamon raisin. though not everything needs to be donut shaped. I think he'd enjoy pineapple on pizza a lot, monte cristo sandwiches, and fruity, tropical cocktails on the rare occasion he drinks. he'd also like curries that balance sweet and spicy well. doesnt really eat all that much meat but he does enjoy it baked into pastries. also see him as someone who puts an embarrassing amount of sugar cubes in his tea. like my dude. you want tea with those sugar cubes? he just keeps going. he literally does not care what you think of his food preference so no one really comments on it anymore.

- Mr power nap himself. he probably sleeps like shit cus he has to keep up appearances as Mr. Perfection, never lying on his back. but I like to think he gets a rare occasion to sleep a full night on his back and he makes a little ritual out of it. covering the windows, making sure no one can disturb or find him, pulls out his favorite book and reads it in its entirety before hes able to fall asleep the normal way...maybe putting brulee on guard duty. but don't ask me if he wears the matching jammies and hat set. I can't clown on him that hard today

- wears gloves cus he's a serial nail picker. originally thought he would be a nail biter but like...his teeth seem a bit extreme for that? i can't imagine him really putting his fingertips at risk like that, so I think he'd be the type to pick at his nails when nervous. the gloves help with that quite a bit, and have an added bonus of protecting his palms from his heavy work schedule. his hands are pretty soft.

- smells kinda like mochi residue, which is to say he smells like rice flour. he also smells like leather and steel, and perhaps a waft of vanilla or strawberry depending on the pastry crumbs he accidentally dropped in his scarf that day. it's a very floofy scarf and he doesn't really take it off so sometimes he gets a bit of food in it. has to wash it daily, probably has a bunch of backup scarves.

thanks for reading 🫡💓 and double thanks to all of the people who've rambled on and on with me and helped contribute to my headcanons about him, or have posted some of their own that I came across and agreed with! I love this character very very much so i always have a lot of fun thinking about little things like this.

- he has acquired a lot of stupid donut decor over the years, thanks to his closer siblings that know his love of donuts. his secret little house is absolutely littered in it. he doesnt really buy this stuff himself, his taste is a bit more punk rock. one year he did get a pretty cool donut-patterened Tiffany lamp that he has by his couch. but most of the time, an easy Christmas gift for kata: donut socks. Peros gets him a different color every year. he's not really that into it, but he appreciates the thought...

new below added 1-9 (about his height, about traveling)

- he is a very tall person, though not giant sized. thankfully, the one piece world is rather kind to folk big and small. it's not any trouble to find the correct size of most items, especially in tottoland. you'll find a variety of specialty stores catering to folks of small and large sizes, and some areas even have districts concentrated around small and big folk with appropriately portioned cuisines. clothes come in a wide variety of sizes even at the smallest of boutiques. although the clothes of many of the charlotte siblings have a certain flair that scream custom made, kata being no exception...

- his size becomes more difficult when he's traveling abroad, and tends to stick to the ships quarters as a place to rest when outside of his home. he's not one to rent out a place, as it is troubling to find accommodations that suit his many needs (including absolute privacy). he would probably rely on his own mochi abilities to generate shelter before ever agreeing to stay in a stranger's abode. he feels moderately comfortable in his personal ships quarters but his typical form of comfort is most often found on the deck, leaning against the mast with a watchful eye on the horizon.

- his duties as minister and commander, as well as his travels as a child with the Rocks Pirates, have brought him to many places. given that his mochi merienda shrine has wano-style architecture, it is not utterly out of left field to think that he has even visited a secluded place such as Wano in the past. while his job and family is rather isolating, he has still experienced a good number of unfamiliar cultures and cuisines. I think that he has traveled less in the latter half of his life but still holds onto some of those memories and would like to go back to the places he went when he was younger.

I'll probably continually update this with new HCs when I get bored 💕

naturally, please take these all with a grain of salt! it's fine to disagree, these are just how I personally see him.

[zwy01]

Blood Moon AU!! Part 2 - More werewolves

Second part (continued) of my second major AU, Blood Moon AU. The nobles and werewolves basically have a race swap in an almost brand new setting.

For more info, check out my first two posts where I explained the general lore and setting of this AU (highly recommended for a better understanding):

The characters.

Ladybug: Father of Cloudy, whom he had with an unnamed werewolf woman. Many people mistake Ladybug for a dangerous, evil person due to his creepy appearance, but he’s actually a pretty nice dude. The sockets of his eyes are just very deep and people can’t seem to catch a glimpse of his irises no matter how hard they look, hence the assumption that he’s about to suck every passerby’s soul and transfer them to himself to extend his lifespan. Doesn’t help that he’s always smiling. It almost looks like he’s sneering. Ladybug doesn’t mind. He’s too old for this shit. He’d just chuckle and go along with it. He’d strike a menacing pose and bare his fangs, and they’d all run away screaming. Haha, that was fun. Felt great, might do it again.

No one knows how old Ladybug is. It seems like he’s been around since forever ago. The werewolves even call him a living fossil. He takes it as a compliment because it means he’s wise and timeless. Ladybug would be minding his own business and he’d happen to eavesdrop on some werewolves talking about an old story, and he’d spook them by appearing from behind a bush and saying “Oh? Didn’t know the things I did in my youth are being told as Mother Moon’s tales now. Care to recite from the beginning for this old man?” Once again they run away in terror. Oh, poo. Tsk tsk, young pups these days are so sensitive and can’t stand humor at all. At least his daughter understands him and fully embraces his weirdness.

Ladybug lives with his daughter Cloudy, whom he had as an old man. Cloudy’s mother is alive and well; she just doesn’t live with them. Ladybug raised Cloudy for the most part, who is very attached to him. As a retired warrior, Ladybug does farming as a hobby and grows a variety of delicious crops because Cloudy doesn’t eat meat. He breeds special types of vegetables, fruits, and grains for her to enjoy. Currently, his goal is to create the perfect crunchy, tangy sweet berry because his daughter likes those very much. He can’t wait to bake a delicious pie for her with these ingredients and see her smile.

Ladybug’s favorite color is green because his daughter’s eyes are green. It’s also the hair color of his daughter’s mother, who was his lover.

Ladybug is not your typical werewolf warrior. He is also a master of magic, and you can always count on him to know the specific spell to your specific issue if you need help from him. He can both harm and help you, if he chooses to. There’s probably even a proverb that says “if you get fleas up your buttcrack on a full moon night, Ladybug will hunt you down and cook you in a stew” or something. Yikes. Probably made up anyway. Eh, still giving it some credit because it’s a good way to scare the kids and get them to quiet down and go to bed without making a fuss. Lord Peach’s adopted daughter Rosemary is a student and fan of Ladybug. She calls him “Teacher Buggy”. He is extra nice to her because she is part of Cloudy’s core friend group and his daughter always talks about how nice “Rosie” is. Usually, he would reject those who come to him asking for magic lessons, but he gives private lessons to Rosemary. Dang, she must’ve bribed him, lol. Thanks to Rosemary, Ladybug has learned about a certain noble streamer named Zivon Tradio aka “GlitterDream KittyPaws”, who is also a magician. Ladybug isn’t his fan, but he sometimes watches his streams just to criticize his spells. Rosemary thinks it’s hilarious.

Ladybug has no other living relatives aside from his daughter.

Grub: Son of unnamed werewolves. Unlike Ladybug, who just seems creepy but really isn’t, Grub is creepy to the core. It’s just him being… him. 100% original Grub guaranteed. He’s either lying still with his face planted to the ground and mumbling to himself, which can last for hours, or he’s hyper and jumping from tree to tree and finally off a cliff. Once he even tried to dive into an active volcano. There’s rarely any in betweens. It’s okay if he gets hurt, he’ll heal up in no time. It even feels good to get hurt. Fractures, burns, external and internal bleeding, almost-decapitation… he has a new to-do list everyday. He’ll even feel itchy on the inside if he doesn’t let himself bleed every now and then. That’s what the werewolves’ superior healing is for, and he’s totally abusing this ability. He would just shrug it off when people point out to him that he’s basically addicted to self-harm. It’s just called having fun! He would then cackle and squeal and bark back and forth on a crescendo and decrescendo like a total maniac. The werewolves would just assume that he’s under Ladybug’s curse or something, because he clearly isn’t in his right mind. Oh well, it’s not like they have to be friends with him. And who knows if it’s contagious or not, so better leave quickly to be safe than sorry.

Grub’s current self has something to do with his childhood. He was born into a big family, as his parents had many children back to back, litter after litter. He’s just one of the dozens of children. Grub is a quintuplet and the runt of his litter. Initially, his parents wanted to abandon him, as it would’ve been a waste to feed him since he would just die anyway. But little Grub cried and squeaked and howled for milk, as if he didn’t know what giving up was. Then his parents changed their mind. Perhaps they ended up giving him a chance because they were entertained. Sure, they’ll be generous this one time and see how things turn out. If he dies, they’ll just eat him. They even named him Grub out of spite; crawling on the floor on his hands and knees and struggling for life just like a grub. Befitting of such a weak, unimpressive pup.

Grub was strong. He was resilient despite his circumstances. He managed to survive, but his growth is permanently stunted to this day. His childhood was less than ideal. When it was meal time, his parents left little to no prey for him, and he could only watch his brothers and sisters wolf down their dinner because he was too small and weak to even fight for the scraps. He filled his belly by gnawing on bones and whatever had been left over after his family had their share. He learned to break bones and suck on the marrow. Sometimes he’d crush and eat the bones too when he got desperate. Other than that, he’d stuff himself with dried grass, snow, and even dirt in order to stave off hunger. This is why Grub is short and small even in adulthood. Sure, he’s lean and compact, as he’s been eating well ever since he left his hell of a family and taught himself how to hunt, but his height is stuck at where it is now. He’s just a smidge taller than what would be considered a short werewolf woman. Perhaps the lack of nourishment during his vital childhood days had also done something to his brain. Either that, or he was born creepy. Or both. The werewolves are scared of him, but they also pity him. He didn’t choose to become like this anyway. Grub taking extreme measures to hurt himself is probably just his way of coping.

Grub is a warrior, but he isn’t allowed to spar without having many other warriors chaperoning the battleground because Grub doesn’t spar to train. He fights to kill. He disrespects the protocol and has no sense of honor, and won’t stop even when his sparring partner has yielded. There was a time when the warriors had to collectively restrain Grub and pry his fangs off the neck of his sparring partner whom he had defeated in a duel, because he just wouldn’t let go. He wanted to draw blood. More blood. Even more blood. To him, he’s not done until he crushes his opponent’s throat. To this day, the incident’s witnesses haven’t forgotten about all the bleeding and crying and the gruesome screams that had echoed throughout the mountains. Grub’s victim had retired from fighting ever since and went into hiding. And Grub? He never apologized.

Grub doesn’t really have any hobbies other than thrill seeking and self-harming. Maybe he just hasn’t discovered anything yet. Well, he should apply for a job as a communal alarm clock because you can always bet that he’d be screaming and howling by 4:00 am sharp. Even Mother Moon needs her beauty sleep. Grub disagrees.

Grub doesn’t have a crush on anyone as of now. Some werewolves doubt his ability to even recognize members of his pack as his own kind. Can he even see them that way? Hard to say. Grub isn’t dumb in the slightest, he’s just crazy... good for him, then.

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for future posts!

[startledstoat]

i’m literally just pointing out that people in the fandom have noticed that the apparent standard in their fanart is hourglass figure, 0% body fat, massive thigh gap lol. i am obviously not hating on those bodies (that is literally what i look like!!!), just wondering why none of their characters have any sort of meat on their bones, especially regulus who canonically looks to be at least mid-sized

with what you said about remus - i agree! my favourite fics are the ones that delve into his body image and eating disorder as a result of his lycanthropy. with regulus, i don’t like it as much, mainly because people (cough cough jegulus writers) use it as a way to be like “well yes he was a massive racist prejudiced death eater voldemort fanatic but he had an eating disorder :((((( so it isn’t his fault he needs jamie to come save his wittle self :((((“

anyways thank you for your nuanced response i do appreciate actually debating with people on here instead of people just going “SKINNYPHOBIC AND MEAN LMFAO” which is like. yes maybe i am mean but skinnyphobic?? 😭

Love that you responded nicely!

When I think of Reg with those HCs I think of the EDs going along with the trans Reg idea, stemming from his body dysphoria and also having to do with him being raised with the pressure of being an upper-class pureblood "girl" who was expected to be the picture of flawless beauty, which would've been a very toxic beauty standard for someone in that position during that time (flat stomach, thigh gap, hourglass waist, full hips and chest). This is definitely not a HC that works for everyone, expecially those who don't HC Regulus to have been abused in his childhood or don't HC him to be trans.

The addiction is a separate HC and I'm not saying your take on it is wrong but my thoughts on it are a bit different. It's more what I think would have come around the same time he started realizing that he was on the very wrong side of the war and wanted out but couldn't see a way that he realistically could get out bc Voldemort isn't a dude you just go up to like "yeah man listen we had a good run but now I'm realizing that this is so much more fucked up than I thought and now I don't wanna be part of it anymore". (I like to think that he didn't betray Voldemort just because of what happened to Kreacher, but more like his doubts and fears were building up for a while and Kreacher being tortured was just the last straw)This guilt and self loathing that would likely have ensued would have been a very slippery slope, especially when paired with the pressure of being the new heir following Sirius being disowned and their father dying as well as the trauma from his potentially abusive childhood, I think he could have turned to things like calming draughts and dreamless sleep to initially calm his nerves and moods, but then fell in too deep. And it's fine that you don't like that as much! As long as you're being respectful to the people that do, because it's not a HC that's harmful to any real life people.

His redemption arc, both the canon and the fanon parts, definitely don't just erase the fact that he was a death eater that likely tortured and killed people, but the fact that he tried to do the right thing in the end does count for something. Not to mention that he was literally a teenager that was raised in that environment and was taught nothing else until age 11 when he went to hogwarts. 11 years of one type of propoganda being taught to him, during his developmental years no less, doesn't just go away. Yeah he was 18, and as a 19 year old myself I can say that he was both old enough to have learned right from wrong as he went through school, but still young enough that it's perfectly normal for him to have been terrified of turning his back on the family he knew and outright defying a genuinely horrifying maniac that killed people for fun. 18 is still a child in so many ways even if it's also an adult in some other ways.

It's unrealistic to think that Sirius and Andromeda didn't struggle themselves with nature vs nurture when they first started being taught other things in hogwarts and started hanging around other people, even if we wanna say that they were morally perfect right from the beginning and didn't have any internalized prejudices to work through.

I got off track lmao but anyway

I've actually noticed that more artists now draw plus sized characters than there used to be, and maybe that's still not a lot, but it's not a change that's going to happen overnight. It's like the difference between white james in older fanarts and indian james in newer ones. HCs come and go, and I do really hope more people get on the plus sized characters idea because I think it's great, but even people who do share that idea are still going to have different ideas of which characters it fits based on their own HCs.

The most important thing is that characters who are plus sized in canon stay that way in fanon. Characters who were never given a specified body type in canon (or maybe were specified to be skinny but not given a real reason to be skinny) are fair game for however people want to think of them.

[wishi-selfships]

[i am on my little hands and knees] pls hit me with some gabi x denji facts. who is the protective one. who is the better cook. they seem so cute i need to know MORE

Omg haiii ｏ(*≧∇≦)ﾉ hai hai haiii ty for giving me an excuse to talk about Gabi n Denji :3ccc

▪︎ I like to think that they're both protective over the other 💭 Maybe equally so, it's just a little hard to tell. Denji is more physically protective. He wants to make sure Gabi is safe!! Because he values her and doesn't like seeing her hurt. He isn't overwhelmingly protective, but if she's going somewhere? He's going too (so he can keep her safe !... and so he can spend time with her but shh)

□ Meanwhile, Gabi is protective in the more emotional sense. Ofc she's also protective in the physical sense, but moreso emotionally. She doesn't wanna see Denji hurt in a way that he can't drink blood and heal from. Looks out for him and steers him away from people who only wanna use him!! Gently reminds Denji that he's got people in his corner. Let's him know when someone is ... suspicious. Stuff like that! Or something idk it's like really late right now :3

▪︎ Denji is a better cook, but Gabi is the better baker. In situations where they live together, they'll take turns cooking, but Gabi will always make meals that she doesn't need to make from scratch, like salmon or whatever, whereas Denji would be fine with making things from scratch... sort of. He's definitely willing to learn, at the very least. Gabi? Not so much. She likes baking, though. Finds it easier than cooking, for some... odd reason.

▪︎ I've mentioned this before sometime in the past, but they definitely have promise rings. It's nothing serious, of course. Just an idea that Gabi played around with for a little while that started off as something silly (getting them silly spider rings from Party City) but soon developed into something with a little more merit (getting thin, gold bands). At first Denji wasn't really into it but I like to think he accepted it after a while 💭 And by "accept it" I mean he probably gets really petty when Gabi takes hers off to do something.

"Does that thing mean NOTHING to you?!" And she's just trying to put on some gloves to season some meat or smthn💀

▪︎ Gabi acts as Denji's impulse control. Goes "Hey, let's think about this for a moment!!" When she sees Denji about to make a not so smart decision. She doesn't dictate what he does, she let's him do what he wants at the end of the day. She doesn't like being controlling, and wants Denji to be able to make decisions for himself. But she does let him know when something doesn't seem like such a good idea.

She will, however, put her foot down if he tries to eat raw meat. Or trash. Or something that fell on the floor.

"Put. That. DOWNN."

She's serious when it comes to his health. Will let most things slide w/ his decision making unless it'd directly harm him (eating.. tidepod for $5)

▪︎ Denji sometimes has to squeeze Gabi just to confirm that she's real. Gives her a hug and holds on tightly. Squeezes her hand. Stares at her for a bit before smooshing her face. Yknow. Just to make sure.

▪︎ They're both like.... really jealous people. Sort of ties in to the protective thing mentioned earlier, but Denji's the type of guy to side eye a dude if he's talking with Gabi. It's usually just a feeling of " >:/" because guys don't really approach Gabi and Gabi is ... not a very big fan of speaking with others in general. But sometimes when he feels like there's some ulterior motive behind an interaction, he starts to get more obviously jealous. Definitely whines to Gabi afterwards about how that guy was "totally checking [Gabi] out" and how he didn't like that guy .. He was just asking Gabi for some directions </3

□ Gabi gets jealous easily, but it usually doesn't really bother her. I'd always imagine that, while Denji is insanely loyal, he's still very partial and bias for women. He won't beg for attention from girls, but like ... yk. Ykk. He'll act as a chair for girls, or he'll do things for them if they ask, and Gabi will sometimes be a little iffy about it, but she's got enough trust in Denji not to get too upset. It's really a 50/50% chance if she does something if a girl is like... actively flirting with Denji, though. Sometimes it makes Gabi uncomfy to the point where she's awkwardly standing there, mentally going "who tf ..??", but sometimes Gabi will be petty and not so subtly drop hints indicating that she's his s/o and that things are pretty closed. (Both of their jealousy issues probably stem from .. like.. GENUINE issues tbh but I can't think of what those are rn)

▪︎ As nice as Gabi finds it that Denji would like to help her with her hair, she does NOT let Denji in her head. He wants to play with her hair? Sure, fair game as long as he's careful about it! But she'd rather not let him help her wash her hair out, nor does she want him styling her hair. She knows he'd be willing to learn, but had decided to make the executive decision to. Not let him.

□ Gabi LOVES being in Denji's hair, though. Likes playing with it, running her fingers through it, washing it for Denji. Despite the hypocrisy, he let's her do it with minimal complaints (but the complaints aren't complaints, just him whining that he wants to do her hair too)

▪︎ I like to think that they take baths together 💭 Not all the time because Gabi prefers showers (and she takes them alone) but sometimes they'll hop into the tub for some bubble bath time. I'd imagine that they'd help each other wash off 💭💭 also. Prime time for Gabi to wash Denji's hair for him :3c Although ... Gabi probably did try and drown Denji once but it's okay she was j playing ☆

▪︎ Denji is sort of into Sonic, but only because of Gabi. She's the one whose super into it. In a modern timeline, Gabi forced Denji to watch her play Frontiers (he had to comfort her when she sobbed over the ending. He didn't get why she was crying so hard though </3)

▪︎ Gabi and Denji usually live separately, but want to move in together. But to be honest? They might as well be considered actual roommates considering how much Gabi comes over to Denji's place 💀 Like you sleep, eat, and just chill at his place atp you might as well pack your bags and stay there (lowkey it's because of the dogs. She loves em!! But there's alot of them and unfortunately Gabi is much more of a cat person </3)

▪︎ In instances where Gabi's debut is in part one, their first ever date was a dinner date ♡♡ They prepped and ate Makima btw (delicious)

There's.. MORE about them in my brain but I don't wanna ramble </3 Also my brain is fried !!! Because I haven't eaten yet so my hungry brain is kinda. pffttt. Yk?

Anyways ihihi thank u for the ask 🫶🏽🫶🏽

[wrightanatomyau]

A flan story

If you asked Ninten which food is his favourite the answer was a no brainer. Prime Rib. But if you asked for his favourite dessert, well, it was a no brainier too! Flan, he loved flan. Soft, sweet, perfect to enjoy on every season!

He loved a good portion of ribs, but besides the type of meat, ribs were essentially ribs, all you could do to change it was to change with what you served it. It wasn’t something bad per se, but he liked that flan came in many forms, you had the classics vanilla and chocolate flan with caramel, but you could also make it with coffee or cheese, and even combine them! It was a dessert of endless possibilities.

So, it was no surprise to anyone (but Ana) that he felt more than a personal offense, more than just an attack, but betrayal itself when uncle Giegue one day searched on his freeze, took one of his precious flans, opened it, smelled, made a disgusting face and threw it to trash.

“Nephew, you had something dusting here, I threw it away for you.”

Ninten was so shocked by what he heard and by what he had witnessed, that he was frozen in place as his uncle happily grabbed some cookies from the cabinet and went outside to talk with his mom.

The hurt of the betrayal had been so big that Ninten was sure he had developed some kind of PTSD. Why do you think he thinks that? Well, because right now, his secret crush (a secret for anyone but Ana) was looking at him, pretty mad, like about to commit murder kind of mad. And why was his crush looking at him mad?

Well, long story short he had bumped into Claus at the hospital, both of their shift had ended at the same time. Taking his chance Ninten had decided to walk with Claus to his car, and this way he could make as much small conversation with him as possible before he had to leave to pick his daughter. In that small walk, of not more that 5 minutes Claus had casually mentioned that he and his brother loved omelettes, and Ninten, with the gracious of a cat on catnip falling from a roof he had jumped to the chance of talking about flan.

But man, oh dude, he did more than that.

Before Claus could said anything else, like, for example, that he didn’t like flan, he continued talking, and talking, eventually Claus told him he had to leave, and he simply got on his car and accompanied him to get his daughter, and he keep talking about flan! But he like, couldn’t stop you know? What if Claus didn’t like flan too? He couldn’t live with that! So, he kept talking, and accompanied Claus to the kindergarten to get Lil Marsh, and he just couldn’t shut up about flan.

So now with Marsh looking at him weirdly (not good if he wanted to score points with her) he kept talking and talking. And they continued their journey, all the way back to Claus’s and Lucas’s flat. And now, an hour later, with daughter, father and a Ninten sitting at the table, he finally shut up.

By the end of his over an hour-long monologue, Marsh passed from obvious confusion to smiling. Luckily for Ninten she was finding the whole thing hilarious, Lucas was working late, so he was saved from embarrassing himself in front of the twin, and Claus.... oh sweet, adorable Claus. He had been probably plotting his murder for the last 15 minutes or more.

Marsh left her fork and giggled. “Can you rep-” Claus put one of his hands over her mouth and looked at her as if saying. ‘Don’t you dare do it!’ Lil Marsh simply laughed, for the little kid the whole situation was extra super dupper funny. Claus sighed and pointed his very sharp knife at him.

“My favourite flavour is vanilla with caramel, do this again and I will stab you with this.”

Ninten could care less about the threat. Claus liked flan! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! He got so excited that he started to ramble about flan yet again, to which Claus slammed his head against the table, and by this point Marsh was having the perfect night! Daddy’s boyfriend was funny!

That night they all eat flan, and Ninten decided, that although all flans were great, vanilla flan with caramel was now his favourite.

Now, if only he could get Claus to stop calling him dumbass that would make everything perfect.

The End

Happy Luness wishes you the hive mind! And surprise! The super duper important pool was to choose Ninten’s favourite flan 😎 Because ✨B✨ and I couldn’t decide for ourselves akskd Thanks for voting! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*💕

✨L✨

[watchingspnagain]

Rewatching Metamorphosis

Welcome to “I swear to Chuck, Dean Winchester, if you say Man Pig one more time…: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!

   Up today, s4e4: Metamorphosis.

 In the suburbs, a married man is becoming insatiable for meat. And maybe… human flesh? He’s scaring the bejesus out of his wife (and himself), but when two incredibly handsome young men clad in flannel show up and tell him it’s because he’s a monster, he’s not buying it. (Always believe handsome young men in flannel when they tell you you’re a monster.) Turns out the dude can NOT become a full-on monster as long as he refrains from eating human flesh. Once he does, there’s no going back. But the boys are divided on whether he can be saved—Sam argues that he’ll be able to control himself and be fine; Dean is sure he is doomed to be a monster. This, of course, echoes their positions on what’s going on with Sam and Ruby and how they each feel about THAT. The episode’s climax involves a lot of ew and gross and an old hunter friend of John’s being awful. And our boys… are FRAUGHT.

  Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.

 [and we begin:]

  Mace:

 Interesting. I don’t think Sam gets objectified like this often (“slutting around”)

  Lor:

 no, I don't think he does

 oh Dean

I FORGOT that he finds out by spying

  Mace:

 yeah

Lor:

 "is that Ruby?" and the LOOK

  Mace:

 right?!

  Lor:

 oh he's maaaaad

they are so FRAUGHT

  Mace:

 he really is

  Lor:

 ooo Sammy's wearing one of his BEST shirts

  Mace:

 HE IS

  oh Dean, you don’t wanna leave

HEY NOW, LAY OFF MY STRINGBEAN

  Lor:

 oh Dean, that's it, cycle that violence

  Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 OH! Sam's being influenced by Ruby BUT Dean's being influenced by Cas. and they both CAN be influenced bc something in there lets them be, but I never picked up on the parallel before

  Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 I feel a little dumb right now. like, it's RIGHT THERE

  Mace:

 snork

  Lor:

 but Cas is definitely not a love interest for Dean. definitely not

  Mace:

 NOPE DEFINITELY NOT

JUST FRIENDS

  Lor:

 only bros

  Mace:

 we don’t need to discuss how there’s 1000% more sexual tension in the scenes between Cas and Dean than Ruby and Sam...

  Lor:

 lol nope

 not beat down after five or six years of marriage to JOHN

  Mace:

 and the fact that Sam and Ruby are married in real life now so there must have been actual tension between them but still Misha and Jensen provoke more sexy vibes…

 HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 RIGHT?

I was just trying to figure out how to say something very similar

  Mace:

 HA

  Lor:

 "weird with crazy on top"

 dude, have a string cheese. this is what they are FOR

  Mace:

 YEP

 HAHAHAHAHA

 this one is just kinda gross

  Lor:

 yeah

 WOULD HE? or would he find something to criticize

  Mace:

 enough with the pointed snark, Dean

 oh he would totally criticize

  Lor:

 "is that made up? that sounds made up"

  yeah, Dean is passive aggressiving today

  Mace:

 LONG PIG

EW

  Lor:

 LOL

I love that it's Sam who knows what it means, not Dean

  Mace:

 yeah, that doesn’t seem right somehow

  Lor:

 yeah

I suspect it was sloppy, but I kind of like the against-type of it

  Mace:

 yeah

  Lor:

 so props for calling the jerk out but points off for the fatphobia

  Mace:

 yep

i do love that they do things to make the ‘bad’ guy sympathetic

  Lor:

 YES

  Mace:

 SAM SAID LORE EVERYBODY DRINK

  Lor:

 LOLOLOLOLOLOL

 ooof Dean, people pleasing and managing the people/conversation

  Mace:

 YEP

 okay so here we have Dean on the side of black-and-white and Sam on the side of greys

  Lor:

 Travis, you dick, YES they have not eaten in days, you KNEW their dad, you jerk

 yep

  Mace:

 we should keep score on these because I think I remember they flipflop several times throughout the show

  Lor:

 oh yeah, they definitely do

  ooo, retrograde marital dynamics

fun

  Mace:

 HA yeah

 um, WHOSE emotions are getting in the way, Dean?

  Lor:

 I think they flip on the grey thing depending on what's going on with them. Sam wants monsters to be okay sometimes bc he's afraid he's kind of one. Dean wants it to be black and white bc he wants Sam to just STOP using his powers. you'd think they'd learn at some point though

  RIGHT?

  Mace:

 yeah

  Lor:

 Dean can never resist upset Sammy

  "hungry hungry hippos levels" DEAN

  Mace:

 I wonder if part of why Dean’s panties are so bunched about all this is that he has always felt wrong/inadequate/not-enough (thanks to John) and so he tries to protect Sam and keep him normal

 HAHAHA

  Mace:

 STOP. SAYING. MAN. PIG. DEAN.

  Lor:

 oh YES

 LOL

  Mace:

 he feels like he’s failing Sammy so he’s angry at himself and taking that out on Sam

  Lor:

 YES

  DEAN. stop being a little shit! NO PIE

  Mace:

 Come on, we all know you’d give in in a heartbeat and give him pie

  Lor:

 ....

yeah, it's true

I can't even pretend it's not true anymore

he's just little and he's never done anything wrong

  Mace:

 HAAAAHAHAHA

  “we should go” “yeah"

 HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 "we're here to save you! i guess"

  Mace:

 BOYS

  Lor:

 HAHAHAHAHA

  so he only wants to eat women?

  Mace:

 well, eating men would be kind gay

  Lor:

 it feels like there's a sexual component here they are not addressing

  Mace:

 HAHAHA

  Lor:

 HA! and no one would want THAT. not on the Man Show

  Mace:

 nope

 OH DAMN I forgot about this part

  Lor:

 so not that all options here aren't awful, but Travis is aware you can... not have a child without killing the woman?

  Mace:

 that wouldn’t be the Christian thing to do, though, now would it

  Lor:

 splutters in 2023

  Mace:

 HAAAAAHAHAHA

  oh Travis is dead. how tragic.

  Lor:

 yes, I weep

  OMG LOCK YOUR CAR WHEN YOU LEAVE IT ON THE STREET

  Mace:

 SNORK

  Lor:

 correct, Sammy

  Mace:

 YES

 ew.

  Lor:

 yeah

  omg stop hitting Sammy in the head!

  Mace:

 omg STOP HITTING SAM IN THE HEAD

  Mace:

 HAHAHAHA

  Lor:

 HAAAAHAHAHAHA

  Mace:

 my Bean’s gonna have the brain damage

  Lor:

 seriously

  look. when the Winchesters show up and tell you to do something, you do it. that's how you don't end up a monster who can't see your family.

  Mace:

 ayup

 for the life of me I can’t understand how anyone could say no to either of them

  Lor:

 interesting choice to have Dean lying down like this for this scene

  RIGHT?

  Mace:

 well if they didn’t then he’s have burned the dude without chatting first

  Lor:

 it's definitely not as sexual assaulty as somethings they do to him, but

  Mace:

 and they needed Sammy to have his little existential crisis talk first

  Lor:

 well, he could be unconscious in a chair or something

  Mace:

 mmm

  Lor:

 LYING

  Mace:

 YEP

  Lor:

 oh boys

  Mace:

 yeah

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

That feeling when you realize Makoto and Hajime are both boring/plain in their games, but you can tell what type of plain they are based off their clothes. Makoto is plain by Ultimate standards because what madlad, what absolute unit, what secret genius would think of wearing a blazer on top of his hoodie. A hoodie that is actually pretty drippy? Like, is there air conditioning? That's a lot of layers! And the little dude just looks so cool! To top it off by how he's Ultimate Plain, you wouldn't find anyone else wearing his outfit. Maybe an alteration, but an everyday occurrence? It's probably rare!

Hajime is regular plain. You can find his outfit pretty much everywhere. Everyone is bound to be wearing a shirt, and maybe even a tie with a shirt. And who wouldn't wear sneakers? He's on a (probably) budget and he makes it work.

Makoto Naegi is only plain and normal when compared to the ultimates really, he canonically eats kangaroo meat at home Makoto Naegi is like "aw man im the most normal man ever" and then he goes and accidentally stops a robber by tripping and ripping the guys bag full of jewels. He's normal on the fact that he despite it all mostly has normal interests and has no real interest in trying to seem quirky, he's normal in the sense he just kinda lets himself exist, he's not trying to be anything more then Makoto and he doesn't really go looking for attention, so he comes off as normal, that kid you saw a few times in class but never thought much about because he didn't do anything really, normal.

Meanwhile Hajime is DESPERATE for approval and recognition, which is why he dresses in a more basic way with a tie and everything. He wants to be seen as responsible and capable and smart so he dresses for it, his outfit is just another costume towards his pursuit of being seen as more then just some dude. He comes off as normal and regular because thats a pretty common costume for people to have, to dress responsible and well to be taken as more mature or more seriously even if he doesn't have as much money as some of his peers. Which gives him that air of responsibility, but means hes also kinda generic because it's based off the generic "look im responsible" aesthetic.

[intrepidradish]

Media: Farscape

Year/my age: 2019/29

This one is going to be enormous. Cant' be helped.

What drew me to the media:

Sometime in 2017, the boyfriend, later husband, was watching a show called Farscape. We lived in a different states. He was really enjoying it, and I wasn't in the mindset to watch a show. I was trying to watch Star Trek the Next Generation and was failing miserably. He said I should watch Farscape instead, and I don't take show suggestions because I'm a stubborn jackass that likes to be an enigma. Classic Classic. Nothing has changed. I did not watch Farscape.

Fast forward two years, I'm in a pit of despair because I can't watch anymore Dr. Who. I finished the reboot material, don't want to go back to the earlier Whos and can't afford the Jodi Whittaker's on prime. I'm lightly sobbing (because I'm a lil baby) about needing a new show that is both funny, campy, and also trauma inducing. Once again the boyfriend is like "dude, watch Farscape." and I'm like "no, no. I'm not going to watch the muppets-in-space show."

We all know how this ends.

OKAY BUT SEASON 1! John Crichton! Aeryn Sun! The MAKEUP! The Props! The SETS! The Muppets!

I'm engaged, you know, I'm there watching.

I think early season John Crichton is yaknow... he's an arc type of a white guy in space. He was on top of the spaghetti on Earth being a cis straight guy, kind of a bro. He's got that solid mix vibe of both your quarterback from highschool but is smart enough to also be your biology tutor. He's got a heart of gold. He's going to stand up for the nerd getting the toilet swirly.

He's an arc type we see a LOT in science fiction, and the normal route for these kinds of dudes is they get in an unfamiliar environment and take over. Since I was worried that was going to be his trajectory, I was a little more skeptical of him from the start.

What is really refreshing about Farscape right out of the gate is that John Crichton is off kilter. He does not get in and take *anything* over. His unfamiliarity with the situation constantly is a disservice to himself and others despite trying to get on top of it, he can't. His heart of gold does win him a few friends though. Even though they all think he's nuts, which he is, and definitely is going to get crazier.

Anyway for the next 18 episodes, hour long apiece (its also crazy that seasons used to be 26 episodes, the 90s were blessed), I was happily invested in watching a man screw up a lot but also save the day. I love plots that revolve around a HUGE misunderstanding, because that's what motivates the plot for most of season 1.

What made me a fan:

Look, to defend myself here before we even get into it, I'm kind of a strange person. I look very 'cute woman', I'm dominantly tall for being only 5'9." I have blue eyes and dark hair, and weirdish teeth that makes a great smile. If you put me in a room with other people, I can be very charming. However, if you put me in sweats alone at home, I transform into a monster; a genderless, venomous freak that wants to eat raw meat, claw at dirt, and spit at people.

Inside, I am a freakish goblin person.

I've come to terms with this.*

(*she had, in fact, not come to terms with this in 2019)

I find it really funny that a lot of people are attracted to media because characters resonant with them. This very rarely happens to me. I can pick little bits of pieces of this character or that character that I like, but it's always me *liking* a character, not me relating to one. People generally don't put freakish goblin characters in shows. It's not like... a common character to make for a show, or book, or movie, or for anything for that matter.

Shocking to me, Farscape introduces a freakish goblin character late in season 1. Scorpius shows up.

'Neat' doesn't really cover it.

You know, it really is so nice to be represented for once in media. It really feels pretty great. Why yes, I am both that strange alien lizard man and why yes, I also want to rail him. That's the trans identity in a nutshell.

What did Hannibal Lector say to Clarice in Silence of the Lambs

"First, you have to covet. And how do you being to covet, Clarice?"

"You covet what you see everyday."

Right, I'm getting off track and poetic.

This is the first time I got interested in a media not for a ship but because of a single character. Scorpius is interesting enough on his own. He doesn't need someone to fix him or complete him. I want to take him in my hands, hold him, and then free him in every single animal enclosure just to watch what he does. And that *chef's kiss* is the perfect character, no ship needed.

Why do I like Scorpius?

I'm so glad you asked!

One. Look at him. He's a lizard man. He's got a weird bdsm outfit. He's got liquid latex pants, a codpiece, and an impish false tail (which doesn't get captured enough on video in the show's lighting). He's not ripped, he has a nice belly (belly.) He's got a cowl for fuck's sake. Also what's the deal with his gstring face mask? His gray pallor. His dark lips. His sharp teeth. But then they left his very human blue eyes. Love that. Apparently they thought about giving him lizard eye contacts and I'm so glad they didn't. He's great! He looks great. Moving on.

Two. He also has a great voice. I love creature actors! They have all this latex on their face, so their mobility for expression goes way down. But the greats always have fantastic voices. Doug Jones! Armin Shimmerman! Iggy pop (lols)! One of my fav things to do to introduce the character is send people the first torture scene, and Scorp has this liquid smooth, soft voice. LIKE SHUT UP. I'm sorry I'm a voice slut, but I am. He sounds great. He sounds like a ASMR whisper video that could put me to sleep.

Three. Harvey. Harvey is the head clone Scorpius put inside John Crichton. He's actually...more of my favorite... than Scorpius. (Ah!) Mostly because he's so fucking funny. And eventually, I got into the mind set that they are two sides of the same coin. That in order to understand Scorpius, you need to understand Harvey. And only when you sync the two, you get the whole man. Scorpius doesn't say a lot. Harvey says too much. You need both of them to understand.

Four. He's disabled. He has a genetic disorder. He suffers from chronic pain. If he gets too hot, he experiences excruciating pain. He's come up with a weird way to deal with it: a temperature suit and a giant cooling rod inserted in his brain. The cooling rod eventually craps out and he gets too hot again. His body regularly tries to kill him. It might be giving him brain damage.

Five. He is obsessed and stubborn and difficult and determined and willing to do anything. He has no allegiances (but he's also pretty nice to the people that work for him). He's motivated solely because he thinks it's the most efficient way to save the galaxy. (Don't worry, it's also a self-invested decision. He's still a bad boy.) Unfortunately, he thinks he'll need to commit genocide. He's wrong, but that makes him even better.

Six. He's smart, but not too smart. He makes mistakes. Season 3 is probably my favorite season, because that crushing finale. Lord.

Seven. He's a product of his upbringing, which was fucking shitty. He's ultimately an underdog. Ah! Yeah Season 3 Incubator! I honestly think Season 3 is the Scorpius season. It was the season they made him empathetic to the audience. He's a rape baby. He's a science experiment! He's not even a very good one. He's probably the only one that survived. He's alone in the universe. FUCKING ROUGH.

Eight. John Crichton will never forgive him. FUCK. This is one of my favorite plot points. Their entire relationship is just so shitty. John snuck into a Peacekeeper base as a Sebaccean. Scorpius, literally walking by him, knew he was lying, and captures him for torture to discover why he's breaking into a PK base. Because John is there for his then girlfriend, John tries to hide it. Quite separately, Scorpius see all his information about Wormholes, and is like 'huh that's a good way to destroy an entire race. tell me more.' Scorpius cares so little about John's stupid girlfriend, that she accidentally gets killed, and yaknow, being a smart dude, tags his catch and release with a clone brain chip. (As you do. It's completely understandable.) Unfortunately, the brain clone makes John go crazy for an entire season and kill his second girlfriend. JEEZ.

I might be misremembering things. I'm sort of on Scorpius's side at this point. It's been four years.

THE POINT IS. The entire thing is a HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING again. Like John doesn't have the info Scorpius wants out of the gate. Scorpius wasn't even supposed to be torturing him. It's shitty KISMET. They are on opposite sides for no reason! (it's almost star crossed lovers) Because of how John enjoys Harvey towards the end of their run, these two guys could've been friends. And that's a tragedy. To me. This person that watched a show and enjoyed it.

Nine. This guy looks like a KINKY FUCK and HE IS. I honestly thought when he first showed up they were going to neuter him. I'm too used to disney villains obviously. I was like 'oh...right, gimp man. he is going to be slowly deprived of every ounce of sex appeal like an orange in a juicer. they can't allow that thing to be sexy. it goes against the very integrity of expected normal television' BUT THEN THEY DIDN'T. He is every ounce the kinky fuck you want him to be the entire show. Including sucking blood off John's finger. Licking Meeklo Braca's face. Wearing a dog collar and drinking out of a bowl. Eating food weird. And literally having sex. He also moans when he's in pain. It all makes me feel pretty electric, and disgusted. I love it.

Ten. He wins. yup. 'nough said.

Have I written fanfiction for it? Why or why not?

You bet your ass I have. In the year of our lord 2019 having just been godsmacked by a character I strangely related to, I had to write some fanfiction. I was actually pretty confused about what I adored about Scorpius at the time. Since its a twenty year old fandom, I expected to uncover a treasure trove of other people already dealing with the same shit I was going through.

Like what's the deal with this hot lizard man? What kind of wicked sex he be having? What's his damage with John? How many different ways do they do the nasty to deal with their tension?

Surprisingly, the fandom did not deliver on these questions. Either, it was the 90s-00s and like...the nonbinary trans gay agenda wasn't really a concern for the founding show of a new tv network or a lot of the gay was lost in the fanfiction.net purge or the internet had changed just too damn much (forums didn't last 20 years).

Instead, I ran into a lot of fanfiction stories that didn't talk about his sexuality at all or made him into a huge rapist but didn't like...actually talk about rape or abuse or question any of that. I read the rape ones because I don't have a lot of options, but I was a bit irritated right. (Admittedly, I'm projecting on a weird lizard man, so I probably shouldn't get too bent out of shape about it. But I do. Meh.)

The first two stories I wrote, are definitely me trying to figure out something about my own sexuality vis a vis a weird lizard man. I entered with Harvey, because he was easier to grapple with.

Moments in Multitudes is just... so weird. But mind palaces are some of my favorite tropes.

Black Mirror was originally only 3 chapters long, but I expanded it when I was writing Far Horizon (the more plot driven story) because I was horny.

They are both weird stories. I think chapter 2 and 3 of Black Mirror are some of the best writing I did for the fandom. Too bad they are hidden in a no-touchy kink exploration of two characters that are the same person in a mental space. Ooooops.

Ultimately, I was writing for myself, and using a story to address my own approach to the monstrous.

I read this great article at the time.

It's a great article about identity and action. A person's identity has nothing to do with how they behave or how they are perceived.

But I also really liked this article's breakdown that desire and disgust live on the same spectrum. It's why men that claim to love women are also disgusted with their sexuality, bodies, and their sex.

I'm a cerebral person, so I needed more understanding of why Scorpius, a character that makes me a little wigged out, is something I'm also very attracted to. Fascinating stuff.

Around the time I was writing Scorpius like this, I also got a really wicked intense crush on a femme nonbinary person. Yay. Coming to terms with being bisexual. Thanks Scorp!

I don't have much to say about Far Horizon. It wasn't supposed to be horny, but some scenes don't leave a person alone. I sometimes think about taking out the masturbation scene, since the story can standalone without it. But meh.

Like I said before, I was writing for myself, and I very much enjoy rereading these stories.

Exceptional is one of my favorite stories I've written. It's very full circle of my exploration of Scorp. It's about his mom issues (but secretly) but it's also more about an OC than Scorp himself. I don't understand why people click this story but don't kudos it. It constantly makes me sad. Maybe it's too long. Maybe the sex scenes are too perverse. Maybe I humanized Scorp too much. Maybe the writing is actually bad. Maybe Natalia isn't likeable enough. I have no idea. I love this story though.

I think about scratching the serials off to try to market it, but without Scorp as an existing character in an existing universe, I don't think it works as well.

Opinion on the fandom:

Confusing! I found this show at the wrong time. The old guard is off living their lives. The young guard is like ten years younger than me. It's a very quiet fandom.

The best part is I found Iterations from posting on Ao3, and she supported me as a friend through the pandemic. She dragged my ass into predators (which I'll talk about shortly. It was awful lols) We collaborated on a predators story. We were writing partners for a year or two.

Getting blocked by an artist I really enjoyed was awful too. I don't think I've ever been blocked by someone I wanted to interact with before. It was the first time I was aware of being blocked in my entire existence on the internet!

It's strange because Farscape is SO HORNY. But I want to write the WRONG HORNY.

Like not a lot of people enjoyed Exceptional based on the kudos, but during the time I was taking over the Farscape tag for 26 consecutive weeks, there were SO MANY HORNY SCORPIUS STORIES. I like to think that my story inspired a lot of people. I have to go find it but the Daddy Scorp/Little John was WILD. Someone wrote about the scarran blood pact. We got the insane watersports story. We got the BUG SOUNDING DEAD DOVE. It was a fucking buffet of perverted Scorp stories.

And I remember someone in the midst of this buffet published an Aeryn/John and tagged it like *normal sex* not like all you *freaks*

I went and found it:

Iterations and I went off to giggle about this normcore fuck head trying to slow our roll. Like way to announce you're a boring prude to the public. Let us have our short lived fun.

The Farscape tag is uh more tame right now. People like short reads. Apparently, people still don't kudos. Meh. I don't get it. Sorry I'm horny, guys. I think its in the spirit of the show though.

Would I read again?

Yeah. I actually dig up Scorp stories all the time. It's the only thing I read though. I'm very narrowly focused.

[nerdy-alto]

Curse you, AC/DC, Mormonism, and/or Laziness

(In honor of Twitter's continued death throes, I figured why not repost one of the favorite long-form things I've written.)

I listened to a lot of music growing up. As the oldest kid, most of what I listened to in my very early childhood was my parent’s music; Linda Ronstadt, Doobie Brothers, Barry Manilow and various classical composers. It was a mark of my growing independence when I got my parents cast-off hi fi systems and was able to find my own radio station to listen to. And boy, did I listen to it. When we ran out of Star Wars topics to cover during recess we talked music. My big favorites were Duran Duran, or at least any band that wore make-up and had keyboards. Beyond the obvious and well-documented prepubescent attraction to non-masculine dudes, what totally attracted me to certain songs was their utter incomprehensability.

Telegram force and ready I knew this was a big mistake There’s a fine line drawing my senses together And I think it’s about to break If I listen close I can hear them singers oh-oh-oh Voices in your body coming through on the radio-oh-oh The union of the snake is on the climb Moving up it’s gonna race it’s gonna break through the borderline

Seriously, wtf does this even mean? But it didn’t matter to me, because this wasn’t your ordinary, Barry Manilow type song about some girl named Mandy, or dead showgirls (1) – this was deep. And maybe I didn’t understand it now, but when I got older – maybe mature enough to have a boyfriend, or wear makeup, or have a boyfriend who wore makeup it would all become clear to me, and I would listen to these songs with a profound understanding. Yes, I’d surely cogitate, this is the Union of the Snake breaking through borderlines. Good thing I got that telegram force!  

I can hear your cries of protest now – But surely you weren’t an idiot, nerdycellist, why did you just accept that kind of nonsense? To which I reply, Why thank you, no, I was of course a very smart child (2) but those crucial years of cerebral cortex development were marred by Mormonism. (3) Among Mormonism’s many fine doctrines and articles and rules and crap is the concept of “the milk before the meat”. Both the History and Theology of Mormonism is sometimes less than salubrious (mountain meadows massacre), and frequently insanely wacky (Adam-God doctrine). Since Mormonism’s also big on converting people, they try and keep the crazy shit from the new recruits until they’re far enough entrenched in the cult that they’re willing to suspend disbelief. The official party-line is the analogy that a baby must first learn to drink milk before it can eat meat – too much too soon and you’ll puke, I guess. So I figured that I can’t smile without you was like how Jesus Loved You and the reflex being a lonely child waiting by the door was the idea that my husband would have lots of other wives with me in heaven.

 So I had a certain comfort level with not understanding stuff – hell, it may have been a superiority complex – and I listened to a lot of radio. Also kiddies, in those days there was no internet to look up song lyrics, so if you didn’t have the album, you didn’t have the liner notes which only sometimes had lyrics printing in them. I was quite willing to settle for my ear’s first guess when it came to songs.

 The last piece of the puzzle here is my laziness; this has always been the bane of my existence. I learned to read very early and with that came a certain amount of knowledge in other school-related pursuits.(4) One of those was spelling, which is a terrible subject for english speakers and learners – it doesn’t make any sense! They only way you can learn how to spell is to be exposed frequently to the word. The other is just by rote repetition. My 5th grade teacher, Mr. Coombs, a favorite mostly because he tried to keep up with important pop cultural references (5), had developed a great strategy for lazy smarty-pantses like myself, who would normally get incomplete marks on take-home spelling homework that I deemed pointless busywork – he gave us 10 minutes on Monday morning to review our list of 20 words, then gave us a pre-test. You only had to do your spelling homework on the words that you missed and then you had the real test on Friday. I hardly ever missed any words on the pre-test, and so was able to skip the bogus busywork. I also pretty much aced the Friday tests. (6)

 So let us combine these points into a final scenario: A Friday spelling test was always a nice way for me to usher in the weekend. I had aced the monday pre-test and not had to waste any time copying words out or using them in sentences. Mr. Coombs would always use them in a sentence anyway when calling out the test, which was good in this case, because I had been zoning out when he first pronounced the second to last word, but he used a song lyric to illustrate it! Rad!

 I put my pencil to paper…

 “… dirty deeds and their Dunderchief.”

 huh.

 I knitted my eyebrows. That was one of those words, like wah-lah, that I had only heard but never seen written down. And that was from a part of the song that I wouldn’t understand until I was emotionally prepared to deal with the consequences of the full knowledge of that song. I was just going to have to use the context clues of the lyrics to figure out how to spell it. Dirty deeds and their Dunderchief… like an Indian Chief, only because they were Dirty deeds (and not Indian Deeds), they had a Dunderchief. You know, like a dunderhead. Yes! Now “i” before “e”…

 This made sense to me. Or at least enough that I scribbled it out in enough time to catch the last word on the quiz. It is to his credit that when Robbie Elmer passed back my corrected spelling test that he didn’t circle the word and write “stupid” or “what is this supposed to mean, idiot?”, but the big red (X) next to #19 was enough to shame me into blushing furiously while considering not turning in the paper at all so Mr. Coombs would never know that I mistook “Cheap” for a made up concept of a Leader of Dirty People.

Also, please note that any spelling mistakes in this essay were left in deliberately, as an excercise for the reader.

*******************************

Footnotes:

1. Holy crap, do I love this song. Also Manilow, but had to be closeted about that back in the day.

2. So smart in fact that I was used as a lab rat for some UofU grad students for their dissertation of kids who can pronounce all the words in Tolstoy but don’t really understand it, or doing stuff with mealworms or something. All I know is I got out of class for like an hour on the days I didn’t get out for orchestra practice! Score!

3. Man, is there anything that can’t be blamed on Mormons?

4. Manifested itself in Kindergarten, when I zoned out during reading because I was already done with Dick and Jane, and then zoned back in during math with the shock that I couldn’t make a 5.

5. He also brought his guitar sometimes and taught us Ghost Riders In The Sky – or was it Ghost Riders in Disguise? Also he demonstrated important scientific concepts by taking us out in his cessna two at a time to do barrel rolls and shit.

6. OK, I think I’m done bragging about my own clerverness now. But I will leave you with one final piece of evidence to my own brilliance – I was so smart I repeated 8th grade!

[gallusrostromegalus]

If you ever want to do a "Top 10 home gardening tomato cultivars" segment, I'm here for it. (My folks mostly plant Early Girls, but they have a ridiculously short growing season up there. I grow Sweet 100s, because they taste good enough and I gave up on growing anything other than cherries due to bastard squirrels who like to take exactly one bite out of larger tomatoes.)

OH

IT IS NOW TIME TO INFO DUMP

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED

Ok so the actual thing with tomatoes is there are- checks google- about 10,000 tomato cultivars out there and every single one of them is different, so you should tailor your tomato breeds to what you actually want to do with them.  10K is a lot a breeds to break down, but fortunately, there are ways to Do That:

1. Determinate vs. Indeterminate 

Determinate tomatoes grow to a genetically predetermined size and start fruiting.  Pros: Tends to have a short time between planting and fruiting, don’t get bigger than a certain size if you only have so much space. Cons: Once they’re done fruiting, that’s it. you really only get the one crop out of them.  Also tend to have sad, watered-down flavor.

Indeterminate tomatoes grow as big as the space will let them, and start fruting when they get around to it. Pros: Maximum Plant for minimum investment, which can be like 10x as big as a determinate plant. Will KEEP fruiting until it gets too cold, so if you can get it in a pot you can move inside you could potentially still be harvesting tomatoes after thanksgiving like my MIL was this year.  If you live somewhere warm like SoCal or AZ, you could keep it alive all year. Cons: MUCH longer time between planting and fruiting.  Indeterminate tomates Get there when they get there. Also may be more prone to disease and pests than the more-modified determinate plants.

There are determinate and indeterminate tomatoes in all 5 of the Greater Tomato Archetypes.  Speaking of:

2. The 5 Tomato Archetypes

I’m so good at segues! 

So tomatoes come in 5 basic types, each which is generally better for something culinary than the others.  You CAN substitute different types of tomato but your food generally doesn’t come out as good.

1. Cherry: Cherry tomatoes produce fruits that are about the size of cherries.  Some people put Grape and Saladette tomatoes in here but they are WRONG, both of those belong in the “Round/All-Purpose” group because Cherry tomatoes specifically have thinner skins, more soluable pectin, and more dissolved glutemates, which means they cook VERY differently.  Cherry tomatoes also produce a shitload of fruits at a time and might be some of the heaviest producers.  Tend to be more heat-tolerant. Good For:  Fresh tomato sauces (i.e. takes less than 20 minutes to make), salads, snacking on directly off the vine like you are a small tarsier discovering a hidden bounty of fruit.

Top reccomendations are: -Indigo Cherry or Dwarf Black Krim if you can find it. I always reccomend dark-pigmented tomatoes as I find they have better flavor, pest resistence and UV tolerance. Taste fruity but not over-sweet and Very Tomato-y.  -Sweet 100/Super-Sweet 100/Sweet Millions: All varietals of the same mass-producing Cherry Tomato. Makes absolute buckets of Tomatoes, sweeter and more fruity than the Indigo cherry, good disease resistence and long growing season.

2. Paste: Paste tomatoes are thin-skinned, meaty and soft tomatoes that... well, they make good tomato paste, the basis for all long-cooking tomato sauces and recipies. They tend to be kind of Oblong and sometimes grow in fun extras like lil tomato “dicks” or weird cthulian shapes, but this doesn’t effect the flavor or nutrition There’s a shitload of great varietals in this category, I’ve yet to hear of a Bad Paste Tomato, just Less Excellent ones.   Good For: Long-cooking Tomato-based dishes like: Bolognese, chili, ketchup, BBQ etc.  Also can and freeze well.

Top Reccomendations are: -Amish Paste: MEATY, and well-suited for growing in a variety of conditions.  Paste is smooth and velvety.  Good for Chili, BBQ and Bolognese. -Opalka tomato: Russian Tomato, little more on the acidic side, grows well in places prone to surprise late frosts.  Paste isn’t as smooth but very thick. makes great ketchup. -San Marzano: THE tomato for making Marinara Sauce (also does good bolognese). Sweeter and lighter, with a slightly runnier paste that clings well to pasta. cans and freezes excellently, does well in places with HOT summers.

3. Beef: Beef tomatoes are BIG motherfuckers that kind of take a long time to grow but are very rewarding.  Beef tomatoes are firm, have a very solid meat and are best eaten raw, typically sliced onto a sandwich or seared under a broiler for a NZ Mousetrap. Not only are the fruits big but so are the Plants, so they take a long time to reach maturity and the fruit takes FOREVER to ripen but if you like a sandwich, they can’t be beat.  Also they look hella impressive on instagram. They also tend to be more prone to Blossom End Rot (which is just a calcium deficiency- just make sure to fertilize with some eggshells and don’t over-water them), and despite the size, don’t tolerate cold well. Good for: Slicing on sandwiches, eating raw like you’re biting into the still-beating heart of your nemesis and enjoying that sweet, sweet revenge, searing quickly under a broiler or putting on a Kabob.

Top Reccomendations Are: -Brandywine: Hefty, great fresh tomato flavor, and PINK.  -Big Zac: Goddamn Massive Tomato. A Real Heckin’ Chonker. meatier flavor and lots of firm flesh with few seeds. -Beefmaster: One problem with Beef tomatoes is that a lot of them are heirloom varietals that aren’t as widely available. Of the ones that are easy to get your hands on, Beefmaster is the best, but it lacks the flavor punch of Brandywine or Big Zac, but it’s not a BAD tomato.

4. Round/Early/All-Purpose: The Workhorse of Tomatoes, the Round Tomato does it all- sauces, salsa, sandwiches, salads, and snacks.  But it doesn’t do them quite as well as the other, more specialized tomatoes.  Also, some of these tomatoes have been Over-Worked and bred to fruit early and transport well, at the expense of it’s Flavor.  I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU, EARLY GIRL AND BETTER BOY, YOU FLAVORLESS TENNIS BALLS, YOU INSULTS TO THE MIGHTY HOUSE OF NIGHTSHADES. Love yourself, don’t get Early Girl or Better Boy. If your season is too short for anything but the earliest of tomatoes, it may be better to grow Something Else than put all that effort in for Disappointment. That said, there are many types of Round/All-Purpose tomatoes that haven’t been overbred into corporate blandness, and I can reccomend them in good concisence if you’re not totally sure what you want to do with your tomatoes: Good For: Indecisive people, people just learning how to grow plants, using one plant for a variety of purposes, people who are not yet prepared to enter the world of Tomato Opinions. Top reccomendations are: -If you really must have an early-fruiting tomato, the Wayahead is an heirloom that people swear comes in early with good size, flavor and firm structure.  I have not personally tied this varietal but people I trust like it. -Black Krim: GOD-TIER TOMATO. It’s got it all- flavor, high yields, firm structure, pest and disease resistence, fucking purple stripes. Cans Well, Freezes well, seeds well and breeds true. Fuck yes. Other tomatoes fucking WISH they had what this Hot Bitch has. -Invincible is a damn-hard-to-kill tomato that isn’t very large but fruits reliably and preforms well all around.  it also ripens 3 fruits at a time so you’re not constantly overburdened with Tomato.  Probably my top pick for beginners that need an Emotional Support Crop.

5. Fun: This is not, strictly speaking, a traditional type of tomato, but I feel like it’s an important category for people who want to do something different or really enjoy all Tomatoes have to offer. Good For: Trying new things, taunting the garden gods with my hubris, showing off at the garden FB group, discovering new flavors of plant.

Top Reccomendations: -Mr. Stripey:  it has a goofy name, it’s yellow-and-pink striped, and it smells and tastes almost exactly like pineapple, but it doesn’t try to digest you back.  I love it. -Japanese Truffle: Dark Brown tomato that looks like someone tried to make ferro rochers at home and bungled it, and has a LONG maturation time, BUT it’s got a chocolately flavor and even at maturity has green insides which give it this. Lightness?  it’s hard to describe but it’s a fascinating flavor. The plant also is more branched and elegant than most tomatoes. Very different, very cool. -I have not personally tried Cherokee Purple but I have heard good things about it. We’ll see how it does in the garden this year. -Tomatillos and Ground Cherries:  Not actually tomatoes, but closely related. Neat herbaceous sort of flavor, like thyme but to the left.  Also comes in a fun Organic wrapping paper. -Ketchup ‘n’ Fries: a Sweet 100 tomato top grafted onto Kennebec Potato rootstock, so it grows both tomato AND potato!  Grafting was invented prbably about a week after the concept of agriculture was, and consists of taking two or more closely related plants and taping a cutting of oone into a hole in the other until the plants heal together.  Like that one gorilla-dude from Umbrella academy, but without the angst.  You can get them pre-made or attempt to make them at home if you’re feeling adventurous and are OK with potentially killing a bunch of starts while you learn.

Good Luck and Happy Gardening!

[sfb123]

Do you guys remember before I wrote fics, when I used to write food reviews for TRR? Well I did, and I do still plan to get back to that someday.

Today, I am going to return to my roots… kind of. There was just so much terrible food, and food related activity that I felt like it was my duty, as a fictional food reviewer, to comment on it. So may I present…

First of all, Chef Martin looks like an asshole. Probably the most punchable face in Choices history. And his menu options only made me want to punch him more. Fuck this guy. 

If you know me, or have followed A Taste of Cordonia, you know I’m a girl that loves a good glass of champagne. Is it mostly for the aesthetic of looking fancier than I actually am? Yes, 100%.

*Side note, since our last culinary journey, I have made a discovery. Edible glitter. Throw a spoonful of that in your champagne and it’s extra fancy as fuck. That was my New Year’s Eve.*

This concoction however, I am torn about. Berries, great. Love a good berry. Except raspberry, not really my scene. I can get past it in a drink if I have to, could we throw some Midori in there instead? No, wait, never mind, that might be gross. 

Wait...

Would it be? Should I try it? I think I might try it...

... with GLITTER! ✨  

As for the bourbon situation, that seems like a drink for the old timey business man types that will inevitably be invited to the wedding. They’ll sneak away with their gross old man drinks and some cigars on the veranda while making off color jokes about “the good old days.” 

I chose the champagne cocktail. 

What the actual fuck. They know there are going to be seven year old boys at this wedding, right? Is there going to be a kids option of like chicken fingers or something? If so, can I opt for that? 

OCTOPUS?! Gross dude. First of all, I’m pretty sure it’s well known at this point that I do not do seafood, of any kind. Not even the normal stuff. If you’re going to braise something, shoot ya girl a short rib. 

How do you even eat that thing? Are you supposed to eat the suction cups? Or do you just suck the meat out of it like with lobster? 

Second of all, I know they’re different, but I am an adopted member of House Beaumont, in squidly solidarity, I am utterly appalled that they would harm such a majestic creature. Yes, I know, wrong book. So sue me, my heart will always be in Cordonia.

Bean salad just sounds gross. Could it be because I don’t like beans of any kind? Yeah, probably. And if you zoom in on that picture, it definitely looks more like a soup than a salad. I also don’t do soups, so strike two. 

There is honestly no winning here, they both sound gross, they both look disgusting, and I bet they both smell bad too. 

I chose the bean salad. At least there won’t be a bunch of octopus that have died in vein when nobody touches their abomination of a “dish”. 

Whatever happened to chicken or beef at a wedding? Yes, fish is also a suitable option. And I guess duck is kind of a version of chicken? But I feel like a swanky wedding like this would have some kind of fancy steak option. 

... that I would get without question, because if you eat red meat and don’t choose it when you’re invited to a wedding, you’re doing it wrong. 

I’m about to say something incredibly hypocritical, I will be the first one to admit it, so I don’t need you guys pointing it out to me. Okay, here we go...

I love ducks, I can’t imagine ever eating one. 

Yes, I love pigs, and I still eat the fuck out of bacon and other pork products. Yes, I love cows, and y’all just heard my rant about fancy steaks at weddings. Chickens are cool, but I’ll fuck up a good chicken parm, and don’t even get me started on chickey fingies (that’s what I call chicken fingers, because I am emotionally 5 years old most of the time). 

My dream in life is to have a pet duck and name it Duckster. I don’t dream about getting pet pigs, or cows, or chickens, so that’s the difference in my head. It’s stupid, and irrational, but have you heard some of my reasons for not eating things? Then I’m sure you’ve come to expect it from me. 

Now that we’ve ruled out the main feature of the dish, let me tear apart the rest of it. I don’t like red wine, so I can’t imagine I would enjoy that sauce. Polenta? I literally had to google it because I thought that was a kind of cheese (I got polenta and pimento mixed up). Google defined it as “cornmeal mush”. I truly do not think they could have made it sound any less appealing. It sounds like baby food or something, not at all like something I would ever want to put in my mouth. And definitely not something that should be served at a fancy rich person wedding. 

The other option, is more seafood. FML. Let me say it one more time for the people in the back, I. Hate. Seafood. It’s gross, it makes me gag to even just smell it, let alone have it anywhere near my taste buds. What this option did have going for it, was the pesto. If you ask me, pesto is the best-o (that’s just a fun little joke I like to throw around from time to time 😉). But here’s the thing, shouldn't the pesto be over the salmon, not under it? That is how sauce works, right? It’s basically asparagus pesto with a hunk of fish dropped on top of it. 

I chose the salmon. One, because I couldn’t do that to my dearest Duckster, and two, because at least it had pesto. I’ll just save my roll from the bread basket (unless it’s not normal bread and they do some weird thing with it, which they probably will), and dip it in the pesto. That should hold me until I hit the drive thru on the way home. 

That being said, do you think Door Dash will deliver to a wedding venue in Mexico? 

Alright, now we’re talking. Let me at that cake! Yummy in my tummy! 

Pretty standard offerings, which is appreciated after the parade of yuck that we’ve been dealing with. Chocolate and vanilla are my jam. Dream option, mix the two and have a marble wedding cake. Strawberry is fine, but it will never be my first choice for a dessert (unless they are actual strawberries, dipped in chocolate). 

In the real world, when you have a multi-tier cake, you could usually pick multiple flavors (fun fact, my wedding cake was 3 tiered and our flavors were red velvet, vanilla with some kind of fruit or berry thing between layers, and funfetti). But Chef Asshole only lets you pick one. Apparently his pastry chef can’t handle multitasking. 

I went for the vanilla, I felt like it was a lighter, simpler, choice for a wedding. 

------

Then things get kind of weird... 

Diamond scene in the restaurant kitchen, violated probably like a million health codes. And 100% there was probably a sous-chef, or that damn pastry chef in the pantry or something trying to get ready for the dinner rush when these two horn dogs come barreling in and making a mess of everything. 

I like strawberries. Preferably dipped in chocolate or whipped cream (which also makes them sexier, BTW), but I do go back to basics and eat them plain as well. I actually had some earlier today as a matter of fact. 

I like strawberries, but I don’t really like strawberry flavored things (ice cream, cookies, cake, etc).

That’s all I’ve got on strawberries. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Seriously? He decided to use red hot chili peppers? Sam Dalton, suck my kiss (IYKYK. Also, sorry not sorry). 

But for real, what a horribly unsexy idea. Here was his reasoning behind it:

“Chili peppers get your heart racing and your adrenaline going... stimulating the body.”

You know what else they do, Sam? Give you bad breath and the runs. What the fuck is sexy about that? 

Also, where do you think you’re putting your fingers after you touch those things? Because ouch. 

I don’t like any heat in my food, so this is an immediate no for me. 

This is clearly some kind of a soufflé or lava cake, not chocolate sauce. But it’s chocolate, so let’s go. Can someone grab me the rest of those strawberries from before? 

No? The strawberries are gone? Okay, I’ll need to put the chocolate on something else then...

Perfect! 10/10 for presentation (for either option, honestly). 

I mean, what can I say about chocolate? I love it, it’s delicious. I think it’s quite obvious that I’m a fan. Let’s just have a Willy Wonka themed wedding and make the whole menu chocolate. The invitations cold be golden tickets, it would actually be super cute. 

That’s me, I’m Augustus Gloop.

[natashas-widows]

christmas shopping with bucky

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: you go christmas shopping with your overprotective soilder.

warnings: nun but if you count overprotective bucky then yayyyy :)

author’s note: you guys can leave requests now !! just dm me on here and i will try to make your dream come true <3!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You loved Christmas, the scent of the Christmas tree, warm light of fairy lights and presents giving to the person you loved makes that holiday more magical. You already knew that Bucky isn’t a big fan of shopping, but he insists to go with you, even tho he hated it but you begged him and he couldn’t say no to his best girl. You were in the big mall for about an hour and you still need few presents, you decided to also buy some food and you hoped that you will find the rest of the presents soon.

“You wanted to go eat something after shopping?” you asked, looking at him. “Yeah doll, I’m so hungry after that run between shops. You could train recruits with that shopping trips.” he kissed the top of your head. “I told you I can go alone.” “I don’t want you to go alone,” he whispered, “I’m protective type doll.” Well to be honest he wasn’t really he just likes being around you hehe. “I know,” you said, kissing his lips. A loud noise took your attention, you turned around to look what happened when you saw a man and a woman, arguing about something, but after a moment the man walked away.

You kissed Bucky once again and went away to look something for dinner. Bucky looked at the fruits once again, he hated when you walked away and he couldn’t go after you to protect you. It was his weakness, ( which he absolutely hated ! ) He lifted his sight looking at the woman you both starting at only minutes ago. She was sad and Bucky couldn’t stop looking at her. It was something in her that bothers him, something sad and terrifying. At once he heard a loud voice almost yelled into his ear. “Are you staring at my girl?” the man asked, clenching his fists. “Let go, man,” Bucky answered. “What’s going on?” you asked, putting meat to the card in front of Bucky. “Your boyfriend was staring at my girlfriend.” he took a step towards you. At once Bucky was in front of you, shielding you with his own body. You didn’t know what that guy wanted, but you were sure that if he will act like this towards you, yelling and dangerously waving hands in your direction, Bucky can hurt him. Badly. “Just walk away while you still can.” “Or what?” the guy yelled, poking Bucky’s metal arm, “dude! Are you some kind of freak?” he said, almost laughing. “Come on doll, let’s go home.” he wrapped his flesh arm around you. “Next time just leave my girl alone!” he yelled, “maybe yours want to know how it is to have a real man?”

At once you felt Bucky’s muscles froze, his metal hand clenched. But he held his metal hand t stop him from hurting the man, instead bucky turned and looked at the man and the man became scared all of a sudden. “Apologies,” he whispered. “For what? it’s not my fault your girlfriend doesn’t have a real man.” he said with a smile on his face, “hey! You can always come to me, I’ll show you what fun is, babe.” he yelled at you. In one swift motion, Bucky took his hand in a tight grip, making him kneel. They man cried from pain, trying to lose the grip of the metal hand. When Bucky spoke to him again the man was nothing else like crying baby upon his feet.“Apologize.” Bucky repeat. “I’m sorry!” he yelled, “I’m sorry.” “Good. Now, you will leave the store without even looking at your girlfriend. I bet she will find a ‘real man’ quickly.” Bucky’s metal hand lose the grip. letting the guy stood up and when he did it, he almost runs to the door. Bucky turned to face the girl, who was now standing in front of him with tears in her eyes. Who was you. He apologized and hugged him while wiping your tears. You took a few steps towards him, he was shaking from the amount of adrenaline or just because he was so mad. You had never been afraid of him, not even once when he was mad or sad or after a nightmare he just had, you just knew. You knew that no matter what he will protect you, he will never hurt you on purpose. You pulled him closer to you, holding the hem of his shirt, looking straight into his ocean blue eyes. Your nose touched, your lips gently brushing his, while your hands were resting on his big chest. You pulled away and looked in his eyes.“I’m proud of you,” you whispered. “Proud? I almost killed that dude!” he shrugged. “Almost.” you said, smiling, “I think you deserve a present..“Yeah? What kind of present?” he asked. “I’ll show you there.” you pointed at the lingerie alley, “I’m sure you will like this one.” “I think that I’m starting to love Christmas,” he said, squeezing your ass while going to chose the sexiest lingerie at the store.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

( guys i know you probably have seen this before, it was my friend story but she doesn’t write anymore so i asked could i share this story so yeah ! )

[tonystarksfavoritedaughter]

Crazy Rich Avengers

Chapter 1:

Summary: You and Peter have been dating for a little over 6 months and have not yet met the Avengers. You were getting curious as to when you would meet them, until you get an invitation from Tony Stark himself, inviting you and Peter to Wanda and Vision’s wedding in Hawaii over Spring Break. You thought that it would be nice to go and finally meet everyone, but what will you think after you’ve been tested by the team?

*Based on the movie Crazy Rich Asians, each chapter will be a different scene from the movie. There will be 15 chapters. Also includes a GIF from the movie scene at the beginning of each chapter.

A/N: I’ve had this series planned for a little while now, and I just got this chapter done and edited and I feel really good about it. I didn’t know if anyone would want to read this until I posted about it yesterday and got some really good feedback, so thank you all who liked it and asked to be on the taglist so much! This chapter is the first scene of the movie, just some things are switched up to fit Peter and the Avengers. Just note that this one is kind of short and nothing much really happens in this chapter since it is just the beginning, but hopefully the next one is a bit juicer. 

Warnings: swearing and fluff 

Word count: 2166

Chapter 1

“Okay class, make sure to email me those presentations by Monday. I don’t want to keep reminding you guys over Spring Break because I’ve still got a life outside being a professor.” The whole class laughs at your professor’s bluntness. It kind of reminds you of your friend from high school, who would always spoke her truth, even when no one asked for it. You packed your things and waited for a clear space to exit your row. Who knew so many kids would be in a business class? Not you apparently. You were a culinary student at the Institute of Culinary Education or ICE for short. Your dream was to become a baker and own your bakery, hence the business class. This was your last class of the day, and you couldn’t wait to see your boyfriend. You two had been dating for a little over six months and it was the best six months you could ever ask for.

You exited out of the classroom, finally, and made your way towards the elevator. On the way down, you looked through your messages and saw that you had five new texts from Peter.

Peter: Hey babe! I’m out of my photography class now. (1:15)

Peter: Waiting by the couches (1:15)

Peter: I miss you (1:17)

Peter: I’m hungry. Let’s go to that pizza place for lunch. I really want some of their cannoli’s (1:20)

Peter: Y/NNN!!! WHERE ARE YOU??? (1:23)

The elevator stopped at the lobby and you walked over to Peter, who sprang out of his seat and practically ran over to you. He hugged with the force of what you assumed felt like ten tons just based on how tight he held you. You laughed at his clinginess and pushed him off of you.

“Dude my class ran like ten minutes late. What’s the matter with you?” you laugh.

He held your hand in his own and smiles at you. “Just missed you is all. Did you see my text about the cannoli’s?”

“Yeah I saw it.”

“And?” he asks hopefully.

“Aaaaaand what?” you played dumb just to see his cute pouty face.

“Can we get cannoli’s?”

“Yes, we can get a cannoli.”

“Ah! You’re the best! Cannoli’s!” he yells at an insane volume for someone who’s just walking down the street. This earns you both a weird look from the people on the sidewalk. You were about to kiss his cheek until he just took off down the street with your hand still in his. You guessed you never knew he liked cannoli’s so much. Maybe you should try out a recipe and make him some one day.

You get into the pizza restaurant and sit down across from each other and waited for the waiter to take your order. You order your drinks; Peter gets Diet Pepsi and you get a Sprite. Both of you talk about how your classes went and held each other’s hand while you talked.

“So, I’ve got to do this project for my class,” Peter began, “And my camera is at the Compound, so tomorrow I’ll be a little late getting home.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Oh! Speaking of which,” you slam your palms on the table, which makes Peter jump a little. “When am I going to meet them? I mean we’ve been dating for going on seven months now, and I still haven’t met them. And I know they know about me because I got a message from Nat telling me happy birthday two weeks ago.” You raise an eyebrow at him waiting for his answer.

“Speaking of said topic, that reminds me. We got invited to Wanda and Vision’s wedding. And it is next Friday in Hawaii, which is perfect because a) we don’t have classes because it’s Spring Break, and b) I know Hawaii is one of your bucket list places.”

Your jawed dropped for several reasons. One, it’s Wanda and Vision’s fucking wedding! You never met them, but from the way Peter talked about them, you could tell they were meant to be. You always thought that they were like what you and Peter had times one hundred.

“Are you serious? They’re having their wedding in Hawaii?”

“Yeah. They thought that since Mr. Stark – “

“What can I get you two today?” the waiter asked breathless. You didn’t even realize how busy they were.

You looked up at him, “I’ll have a slice of the cheese pizza please?”

“And I’ll have two slices of the meat lovers. And can I get three of your best cannoli’s please?” Peter smiled at the waiter as he wrote down your order.

“Alright that’ll be right out.” He walked away almost jogging to get your order in. Goodness they were slammed.

“As I was saying,” Peter continued. “Mr. Stark has one of those beach houses in Maui and so, they thought that it would be the perfect place for them to tie the knot.”

“Wow, so, we’re invited? Like we’re going to Maui and attending the wedding? And meeting everyone?” you asked now slightly worried.

“Yeah,” he drags out confused. “That’s what kind of what ‘You’re Invited’ means.”

“I know, it’s just…this will be the first time I’m meeting them and I always imagined it would be at a like Sunday dinner type of thing. Not a fucking Avengers wedding!”

“It’s okay, I know they’re gonna love you no matter what.”

You take a sip of your drink, “This is also works out for another reason because MJ has been asking us to come see her ever since she moved to Kahului.”

“All the more reason to go.”

You both get your food and Peter immediately starts on the cannoli’s that he’s been longing to eat and practically moans at the taste of them. You get the check and pay and tipped extra for your waiter, because they need to be paid way more than minimum wage. The two of you walk out and head home so you can spend the rest of the night together.

“So, when do we leave for Maui?” you ask, swinging your intertwined hands between the two of you.

“Umm, I believe on Saturday.”

Today was Thursday so that means that you only had tonight and tomorrow to pack for a whole entire week. “Shit! I have almost no clothes washed, are you kidding me?” you yell. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“I just found out this morning!” he yelled back.

“Okay, well it’s a good thing tomorrow I don’t have classes because now I have to do laundry all damn day.” You reach your shared apartment and go to change clothes and you go straight to the laundry room, faster than Peter could imagine. All of your good, cute clothes had to be air dried and so that’s what you did first. After half hour of folding, and drying, and hanging up clothes non-stop, Peter came in wrapped his arms around you.

“Baby, you’ve been here for forever, come sit down with me,” he pleaded.

“I will once I have all the clothes done, but until then,” you pat his cheek. “I can’t.”

He sighs an ‘okay’ and plants a kiss on your cheek and walks away. About twenty minutes later you had gotten all the laundry done and went to join Peter on the couch. He was watching reruns of Brooklyn 99 which was one of your favorite shows. He put his arms out and made grabby hands and you leaned into his touch. You laid your head on his chest with the rest of your body sprawled out on the couch. He put his arm around your shoulders and kissed the top of your head. You looked up and kissed his lips and sat up just a bit straighter. One of his hands went to the back of your neck and the other rubbed your thigh, and you relaxed even more into him. Your right hand carded through his hair and the other sat splayed on his peck, slightly gripping his shirt. You two stayed like this for what felt like hours, just basking in each other’s comfort. You pulled back to breathe and gave him one last kiss before going back to your original position, laying on him.

“What do you wanna watch?” He yawned.

“Well since your yawning and –“ you yawned this time. “And so am I, let’s just take a nap.”

He hummed in agreement and led you to your shared bedroom and he changed into just a pair of sweatpants. You laid down and he did shortly after. You turned, facing him as your chests were touching. You stared at him for quite a long time before you even realized that you were. His face scrunched up that was so cute you wanted to take a picture.

“What?”

“Nothing. You just look cute,” you said back.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Nope. I do,” he challenged.

“That’s impossible because I love you to Jupiter and back,” you kissed his nose, ultimately shutting it down because you were tired. School had kicked your ass this week and you hadn’t really had anytime to just lay with Peter. You scooted down a bit so, you could lay your head on his chest, your legs intertwined, as he held you against him so tight that nothing could slip in between you two.

The next morning you had woken up extra early to make some French toast for you and Peter. You got out the bread and butter and the rest of the ingredients and started cooking. Since you were the one who was in the culinary department, the silent agreement between you and Peter was that you would cook, and he would clean your mess. You tried to not make too much of a mess, because you weren’t that mean. After a couple more minutes you got breakfast done and at that exact moment you put the toast on the plate, Peter comes waddling out with his hair a mess. It was almost like it was scripted like a scene in a movie.

“I smelled French Toast,” he smiled.

“Mhm, I thought that I would be nice and cook breakfast for you this time.” You pecked his cheek and gave him the syrup.

“Eat up and get ready for a long day of packing suitcases, babe,” you winked at him.

“Oh boy.” You didn’t hear his sarcasm often, but when you did it always made you chuckle.

He went over to the couch and you followed setting up the coffee table and turning on Spongebob to watch as you ate. You turned towards him and smiled and received a kiss on the nose. Today was going to be a good day, you thought.

It was now four thirty in the evening and you and Peter were packing up all your belongings into your suitcases. “Okay so you need your swim trunks, flip flops, sunglasses, and what else?” You ask.

“Is that just for swimming?” You nodded. “Then yeah I think that’s it.” You went over to his drawer grabbing his trunks out along with your swimsuit. You had all your clothes spread out into separate piles consisting of swimwear, pajamas, nice shirts, casual shirts, and wedding attire. Peter grabbed all of his clothes and stuffed them into his suitcase and you did the same. After that you went to the bathroom to grab all extra stuff that consisted of teeth and hair products, and everything in that category. Peter went into the kitchen to the medicine and started to pack anything that might be needed for allergy’s and whatnot. You figured you would pack your purse of carry on items before you left tomorrow morning.

After two hours of packing and double checking, and once the bed was cleared, you flopped down face first and groaned. “I’m so exhausted,” you huffed.

“Aww, is my baby tired?” He asked this as he pressed feather-light kisses to your neck that always made you shudder.

“Yes,” you say as you awaited a kiss on the lips. He happily kisses you, slow and lovingly, and you feel like you could stay there for eternity. He pulls away for minute to catch his breath. “We should probably figure out what we want to do for dinner.”

“How ‘bout leftovers? There’s still some enchiladas or lemon pepper chicken in the fridge.”

“Ooooh, let’s do chicken.”

You get up from the bed to heat the chicken up in the oven. “Imma make some garlic cheesy rice too!” You shout from the kitchen.

“Sounds good, baby.”

You two make your dinner and eat in a comfortable silence, watching TV. You both decided to watch one more episode of Parks and Rec before calling it a night, and Peter figured it would be smart to go to bed early since you would both have a long day of checking flights and meeting the Avengers tomorrow; and that was tiring by itself.

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