#also these are completely under risk of being changed in a month

[mandelaphobia]

I went INSANE and drew my Science Team designs, enjoy <]

(others coming soon i swear)

[medlilove]

(Edited to add headshots because tumblr hates detail) I've etched away at this is a lovely few weeks, so click for full res and all the little details, okay? It's my love letter to the journey I've found myself on

This is long-ish, so its under the cut (but worth reading...)

I had been thinking a lot recently about that double feature episode, you know the one? I half remembered it then, when they chased a bunch of alien spies so fast through the solar system they all got thrown back in time. Half the crew went on a little undercover adventure in Toronto in 2024. It was great because they got completely cut off from the Enterprise, so half of them, well mostly Uhura and Spock if I recall correctly, spent their time collecting as many radios as possible and worked on building their own communications. Uhura and Spock were basically taking turns constantly tweaking radios by the window with wires everywhere. Oh yeah, their base of operations was the whole top floor of a worn out old building looking over a big square. They ended up in the really arty/queer part of town full of art galleries and thrift stores.....??

Chapel and Chekov were sent out to those shops to find disguises for everyone. I loved the joke that Chekov was puzzled and slightly alarmed that Christine just knew everyone's clothes sizes and measurements with no explanation. Later on, they ended up getting separated from the rest of the group and getting held up by B story shenanigans, mostly getting lost and running into culture shocks. It was fun to see them having their own adventures and made for a pretty interesting combo. Spock and Uhura spent most of their time with the tech, accidentally listening to the times most popular music while changing frequencies. Jim and Sulu paired off to search for clues, and getting supplies and spent a lot of time talking to the locals setting up for a Pride parade. McCoy, feeling paranoid and irritable that he had practically no equipment, wandered around with Dr Alfred Nahdi, the Botanist, who kept picking random weeds and talking about how extraordinary the little dandelions were. Oh and together they stole a whole medical bag out of an ambulance?? It was pretty funny.  Anyway, the main issue was they couldn’t risk leaving the area because all these alien spies had assimilated into the population and they had to track them all down and bring them back with them so as not to disrupt the timeline or something. They had to track down the aliens while making sure the aliens didn't pick up on who they were or that they were also out of place. They ended up being there for around two whole ass months, I think. The spies were spread out all over and there were about 30 of them, but it ended up being the Botanist, Alfred (Alfie) Nahdi who found the enemy base of operations by complete accident. Alfred, who had spent most of the time studying all the common flowers and weeds that were so ordinary at that time but were extinct in their time, figured out where the aliens' base of operations was because the big plant shop at the end of the square had a few succulents that could not have existed in 2024. It was a big "woah" moment. And there was this whole thing where he had to act like he hadn’t just figured it out because the florist, who was almost certainly a spy, was watching him and McCoy. But soon after, it all went to hell anyway when a fight broke out and Sulu was straight up shot with the aliens' weapon that had bullets made from alien metal. So then Bones had to perform old school surgery on him in their HQ, with only 2024 equipment. Jim, Spock, and Uhura were out fighting and ran into Chapel and Chekov and were able to finish them off, but it got really crazy because there was a Pride parade in the square at the same time so they had to make sure no one noticed them. While Bones was pulling bullets out of Sulu, with the botanist assisting him until Chapel (who had been sent by Jim) appeared and took over. McCoy said something like, “Christine, I’ve never been so glad to see you in my life,” and they sewed him up all old school. And it worked out! But Bones was a mess because he had to do messy surgery with none of his kit, and so much pressure, and more blood than he was used to... Chapel stayed with Sulu, and Bones and Nahdi went to sit on the fire escape stairwell and had a sweet scene of Bones just full of adrenaline, his hands couldn't stop shaking. They sat hand in hand for a while listening to all the people on the streets below. Then Spock, Jim, Uhura, and Chekov appeared at the stairwell and they all had a happy, albeit exhausted reunion. After a day of everyone recovering from all the excitement, Uhura and Spock used some extra tech they got from the aliens and finally made contact with poor Scotty who was up on the Enterprise losing the will to live. Anyway, their outfits were iconic tbh.

I invented this whole thing to draw Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy in a sweater. I lost control of the situation. I spent a lovely two weeks etching away at this with the support of my lovely ST server, I love you guys. This ones for you.

[animasola86]

Come back to bed, baby!

Notes: This is a continuation of It is that time again, darling - set about a year later.

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!reader

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Smut // Words: 10.1k // [READ ON AO3]

Synopsis: Dad!Seb is back and he actually managed to put his breeding kink to good use. Or did he?

WARNINGS: NSFW! MDNI! Vague mentions of pregnancy, birth and undefined postnatal aches (bedridden reader). Angst and guilt and PTSD. Dirty talk and marital sex (including oral and vaginal sex and a special breeding kink)! Also babies and breastfeeding. Proceed at your own risk!

Come back to bed, baby.

“Come back to bed,” you whisper with a sigh as you look from your finally sleeping twin babies to the man pacing the little room. Sebastian slips his hand through his already messy hair and messes it up even more, a concentrated, serious expression contorting his handsome features.

He throws you a slightly pained look and exhales loudly. “It's not going to work,” he mutters under his breath, furrowing his brows, now pushing both hands through his hair.

“Sebastian,” you whisper and beckon him closer, your arms outstretched as you shift on the bed. Your babies lie in their crib next to you, breathing deep and peacefully, completely oblivious to their anxious father.

He finally listens to you and sits on the edge of the bed, gently grabbing your extended hand and cradling it between his long fingers carefully. You share a deep gaze, a soft unspoken understanding of your situation.

When the twins were born about two months ago, it hasn't been easy on you, and you were forced to spend your days in bed ever since until your body would finally fully recover.

Even though the birth of Beatrice and Bernie (you luckily could convince your eager husband to drop the name Bartholomew before your baby boy was born) has brought two new joys into his troubled life, he has been conflicted ever since because despite having birthed him a pair of twins before, this time it has really taken a toll on you – and in typical Sebastian fashion, he blamed himself for putting those children into you in the first place.

Fortunately it wasn't as bad that you had to stay in St. Mungo's, but being at home, bedridden, only able to nurture your newborns while you were barely able to look after Benjamin, Archie and Anne, hasn't been easy on either of you. And on top of that, your combined money resources started to dwindle now that your firstborns were to attend Hogwarts in a few months.

Sebastian has taken two leaves from his job as Professor for Magical Theory since the two of you had decided to try for another child: one to spend entire weeks holed up with you in bed, using every waking minute to successfully fill you with his seed, and one right before you had given birth to your new twins, which has been prolonged due to the unfortunate circumstances of their birth and what it had done to your body.

But the most unfortunate thing about it all was the fact that Headmaster Black refused to properly pay him for his absence, despite his eager attempts to somehow work from home and still try to teach his students – and not even Professor Weasley had been able to convince the stubborn man to change his mind: if Sebastian wasn't able to teach and be present while doing so, he was not going to get paid, end of story.

You usually didn't need much money. Living in Aranshire, you had a loving community around you, always willing to help, be it with babysitting or providing you with food, yet the last winter had been rough on your little hamlet, and your own little garden had suffered greatly, despite all your attempts to save it with magic.

The biggest issue were the needed supplies Benjamin and Archie were to bring to Hogwarts, and even the second-hand options didn't come cheap. Yet you never despaired, even though Sebastian became more worried by the hour, the lines on his forehead deepening every day.

“We'll manage,” you whisper as you squeeze his hand lightly, tugging at it to tell him to come closer. He complies and climbs into bed with you, carefully settling his long body next to yours to not hurt you more.

You've told him a lot of times that you weren't hurting (too much) and that you needed him to cuddle you properly, but he has become a little wary whenever you would wince slightly and let out a groan. You've tried to be brave for him, but he quickly saw through your charades. You were never able to hide anything from him.

He inhales deeply and nestles beside you, his head resting on your shoulder as he gently wraps one arm around your body and pulls you against him, his touches so much more careful than you were used to.

You can barely remember the times when he would just grab you by the waist and drag you towards him, or when he held you by the hips, his fingers bruising your skin, while he would pound into you relentlessly. You even missed the spanking and choking you used to let him indulge in whenever he convinced you to by looking at you out of those damn puppy dog eyes. By Merlin, you missed seeing the mischievous spark inside his warm brown eyes the most.

It wasn't that you didn't have sex any more. Even during your pregnancy you couldn't stay away from each other for long, always needing the other close, very close even, but the bigger and rounder you got, the more careful he became until he barely dared touching you at all, afraid to hurt you or your precious cargo. And after your body failed to recover from the strain of carrying and birthing two very proper children, he downright refused to put you in harm's way, especially if it was him who might cause you said harm.

Over the last weeks you were able to convince him that you felt better, and indeed you did, even though you still felt weak whenever you had to leave your bed – which was to expected from lying there all day and all night, you told him. Of course you knew why he was so concerned, and it pained you more to have him go through the anxiety of seeing a loved one struggling than it pained you to breathe properly.

You raise a hand and try to flatten his messy locks before you give up and simply stroke his head. He breathes deeply against you as if the weight of the world would be on his broad shoulders. It certainly feels like it to him, no matter how often you'd tell him that you will be fine, that everything will be fine again.

“I could get a job,” you say after a long moment of listening to his and your babies' soft breathing, the warmth of his body comforting you, almost drowning out your worries.

He shakes his head instantly. “No, you have to focus on getting better again,” he mumbles into your chest, his hand moving up and down your arm. “I'll find a way to get paid again. There has to be a way! Just because I decided to stay home after my babies' birth... it's not fair... what horrible times we live in...” he continues, mumbling against you, his hot breath grazing your skin where your nightgown has slipped down slightly.

“I could knit or... weave or whatever else these ladies here do,” you say, ignoring his objections. “Or I can learn to make things knit themselves, and then we could sell what I made...”

He scoffs lightly, the sound a rare one these days. “No offence, darling, but you really aren't particularly dexterous when it comes to making things. No one wants to buy a pair of mismatched socks fit for a troll or a house-elf, not even house-elves would want to be given that...”

“I'm sure there's a market for it!” you say with mock-indignation before you laugh softly, the motion causing a deep rooted pain to jerk through your lower body. He notices your wince before you do and quickly leans up to place a warm hand on your stomach, looking at you with more worry lines etched into his face.

“You need to get healthy again first,” he whispers, almost pleadingly as he brings his face closer to yours, your noses touching as you feel his hot breath on your lips. “I need you to get healthy again.”

You inhale deeply and gently grab his chin, rubbing your thumb over the stubble that has gotten more over the last weeks. “I'm fine,” you tell him and close the distance between the two of you when you press your lips to his, savouring those sweet little moments where you can feel him close to you, each kiss reminding you of all those years you spent with each other, all the hardships you conquered, all the nights (and days) you had become one when your bodies moulded together in perfect harmony.

He leans back slightly, his lips ghosting yours as his dark eyes bore into your own. “Don't lie to me,” he says quietly, with a hard edge to his usually soft voice.

You hold his gaze. “I will be fine,” you correct yourself and pull his face to yours once more, needing to kiss him and forget about the aches of your body. He exhales loudly against you, but then shifts beside you and gently cups your face with his big hands as he kisses you back softly, still watching you closely out of half-lidded eyes.

You lean into his touch and close your eyes, relishing in the feeling of his warm lips, his even warmer tongue as he slips it into your mouth, and his hot breath that always made you feel light-headed. Your fingers scrape over his stubble, the sound sending pleasant shivers down your spine as a quiet moan escapes your throat.

He leans back at the sound and your eyelids flutter open as you look at him with your lips tingling. There it is, the fire burning in his eyes, the desire to coax even more noises out of you. Despite not being able to touch you properly, he never fails to let you know how much he wants you, how much he adores you and cherishes you and desires you.

How much he wants to ravish and devour you if only he could.

You see him looking towards the crib where your babies still sleep peacefully. It had taken you three children to finally get the hang of how to properly make a baby fall asleep, though it certainly helped that Beatrice and Bernie seemed to be connected even after having shared the same womb. You sometimes find them lying together holding each other's tiny hands, and the sight always brings tears of joy into your eyes, making you forget everything else their birth brought upon you.

Sebastian's eyes linger on them for a moment longer, before he looks back at you, the fire still burning in his brown irises. And then a smirk grazes his lips, and you stare at it longer than you should, savouring the rare sight.

You are tempted to pull him back for another kiss, but then he gently cradles your head and makes you lie down again before he cuddles close to you, pulling your body half-way onto his as he presses his front against your rear. You shift against him, turning your head towards him. His arms are around you as he brings his face close to your ear, his breath ghosting your skin.

“Do you think they can hear us?” he whispers softly, the low timbre of his voice vibrating through your very core, coaxing a soft whimper out of you.

You shake your head, knowing that a troll could storm your house and your twins would still sleep through it. They'd only wake when they would be hungry, and luckily they had a set schedule, giving you a few more hours of peace, though the same couldn't be said about your breasts if you've read the look in your husband's eyes correctly.

As if willing your suspicions to life, you feel his hands moving under the hem of your nightgown, confidently sliding over your stomach and up to your plump mounds. His big hands barely fit around them any more, but it doesn't stop him from giving them the proper care they need. You lean against him and inhale deeply, licking your lips as you feel his fingers pinching your nipples carefully.

Despite his no-sex policy and giving extra care to not put a strain on your body, he still sneaks in the occasional grope as his slight obsession with your breasts never left his lust-filled mind. He adored them when you were a teenager with not enough flesh to fill out any proper dress, and he adored them more and more with every child you've given him and every gram of extra fat those same children have gifted you.

And you learned to crave his careful touches, the tender and the rough ones, even though the latter have become so scarce. With his arms snaked around your body, he fondles your soft flesh gently, rubbing his palms over it and rolling your sensitive buds between his fingers until they are hard and almost leaking. You take a shuddering breath as he leans his forehead against your ear and presses his lips to your neck, his tongue gliding over your pulse until he hums softly when he can feel your rapid heartbeat vibrating against him.

“Imagine,” he says quietly between kissing and licking your neck, while he keeps massaging your breasts with careful fingers, “the things we could do... with Ben and Archie in Hogwarts, and Anne with Edgar, and the twins sleeping peacefully...”

A soft moan escapes you. “I do that, every day,” you confess just as quietly. “It keeps me sane while I lie here... waiting to get better... waiting for you to push me into the bed again, bury me under your body as you bury yourself into me...”

He exhales loudly against you, the grip of his hands getting a little firmer as he grazes his teeth over your pulse. You shiver. “You mean when I bury my cock into your pussy,” he repeats with a dark chuckle. “You've gone soft on me over the last months. Where's that dirty mouth of yours?”

You give him a tiny smirk. “I have innocent babies around me all the time, I don't want their first word to be something like... that...”

He snickers against you. “Come on, these are British kids, they'll learn to talk like that soon enough anyway. They'll say cunt as if they'd be talking about the weather... Don't worry about them.”

You roll your eyes, inhaling deeply to push your chest into his hands as he's stopped groping you for a moment. “So what are you imagining while you lie next to me, unable to do the things you want to do?” you whisper as you turn your head to him, meeting his heated gaze.

He resumes his fondling, pinching your hard nipples almost a little too rough now. You take a sharp breath, and he stops for a second, but then continues nonetheless, seeing the blissful spark in your eyes.

“Oh, so many things... most of all I want to see you come undone in front of me, I want your eyes to roll back and your lips to part for those soft noises to come out and your face to contort in nothing but pure ecstasy. I want to see your body convulsing in pleasure after I rub you or finger you or lick you or fuck you...” He sighs and closes his eyes for a second, surely picturing the things he's just told you.

You let out a soft whimper. “I'd love to feel weightless again,” you then admit. “Floating so high it will rival any broom flight. I want to feel you twitching inside me, your hips jerking against me as you push so deep you'd prod my womb, and I want you to fill –”

He stills his movements and exhales almost angrily. Your eyes flutter open as you watch him with a frown. “No,” he says quietly and stares back towards the crib, slowly withdrawing his warm hands from your slightly aching breasts. “I... I don't think I can do that... ever again,” he whispers barely audible when his eyes wander back to your body, lingering on your lower half where the dull pain hums deep within. “I can't bear the thought of hurting you again, of making you go through all of that again... It was my seed that did this to you... You're in this bed because of me...”

“Sebastian!” you say almost sternly as you've had this conversation many times before. “I told you, it's alright. Look at your babies, they are as healthy as can be, and I will be too. I am here, aren't I? You heard the healer, it could have been so much worse, but it wasn't! I'm still here!” You grab his chin and make him look at you. “We've both wanted this, I wanted this, and believe me, I will do it again!”

“No, you won't! I can't lose you!” he pleads and presses his lips together, his eyes wandering away again.

The turmoil is etched deep into his features, and it breaks your heart seeing him like this. You know he wanted to add a “too”, and it hangs between you like a dark cloud of a past you both tried to work through, but never actually succeeded to do so. So many years after losing his sister it was still hurting him, and it hurt you even more not being able to help him through the pain. You've tried, everything, but it was a black spot on his soul that would never go away.

“You won't lose me,” you say softly, waiting for him to look back at you. When he does, you smile at him. “I'll always be here. I promised you, and I always keep my promises, you know that! I gave you five healthy children and I would have given you more. But I can't have you worrying so much, you know it'll only destroy you. And I need you, more than ever, all of you.” You pull his chin towards you and press your lips to his. “Even your seed in my womb,” you add in a low whisper against his mouth.

He furrows his brows despite your consoling words. It takes him a moment to consider them before he exhales deeply, his breath hot on your skin. “We'll have to be extra careful then, from now on, you know that, right? And I'll never stop worrying, you know that's part of my charm.” You smirk darkly at that, and you see the corner of his lips twitching slightly too. “But I have to admit, I missed filling you up to the brim...”

You laugh quietly, forcing yourself not to wince under the motion. “I missed that too... Do you remember those weeks we spent in bed? Weeks! It was all a blur at the end but I've never felt so exhilarated, so full, so weak and yet so elated to hopefully walk out of it carrying your child. Well, even if walking was not an option after all of that...”

He chuckles softly. “Oh, I always think back to that...” he purrs against your lips. “You've never looked better than with my seed seeping out of your pussy...”

“And all the positions we tried?” you go on, smiling happily as you think back, leaning your forehead against his. “I didn't even know half of them. But leave it to my bookish husband to teach me something while trying to hold his cum inside me...”

He smirks wider, tilting his head to kiss you gently. “And you know, there's even more we could try once you're feeling better,” he whispers between kisses before his lips move along your face back to your neck. Then his tone gets a little darker. “There's so much I still want to experience with you.”

“And you will,” you whisper back, grabbing his hair as he starts nibbling on your sensitive skin. “I'm here for it, for all of it. For you,” you add and press your lips to the top of his head.

He sighs contently and wraps his arms around you carefully as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, his hot breath a little jagged as you feel his shoulders shake slightly. You swallow hard and rub his back when you can feel his tears dripping onto your skin.

Taking a shuddering breath yourself, you lie in each other's embrace for a long moment as you hold him as tightly as you can until he's calmed down again. Nuzzling your nose into his soft hair, you fill your nostrils with his scent while his warmth seeps into your body, relaxing the soreness you feel within.

“Sebastian,” you whisper quietly after yet another moment as he just lies in your arms, breathing deeply. “Let's make love tonight...”

He stirs slightly and slowly turns his face to you, his cheeks red and wet, and his eyes puffy, but on his lips you find that wicked smirk you've always loved about him. “What was that?” he asks hoarsely, his eyes boring into yours.

You return the smirk and raise a hand to gently wipe at his cheek. “I want you to put your cock into my pussy...” you whisper, blushing deeply.

He laughs softly and leans up to claim your lips for a heated kiss. You gasp against him, and when you do, he draws away and watches you closely. “Are you sure? Do you really feel up for it? I don't want to hurt you...”

You sigh and grab the back of his neck. “You won't. But I can't do much, you'll have to do all the work...” you tell him, chewing on your lips.

His smirk grows wider. “Not a problem!” he says with a chuckle. “No problem at all! Let me handle it, darling,” he adds excitedly and kisses you again, his hands back down at the hem of your nightgown to slowly push it up your body until he gently pulls it over your head, leaving you completely exposed to him.

He follows suit quickly, and you can only blink a few times, and he's suddenly naked next to you, his warm skin pressing against yours. His eyes roam your body for a long moment before he moves his hands carefully over your skin, starting from your hips upwards until he's back to fondling your breasts.

You let out a soft whimper and lick your lips as you watch him, shifting beside him until he pushes you gently into the mattress to stop you from moving. “Just relax,” he tells you quietly, smiling up at you as he lowers his head towards your tender chest. You inhale deeply and move right against his eager mouth as he closes his lips around your left breast, gently flicking his tongue against the hard bud.

Biting your lip, you throw a cautious glance towards your sleeping babies, but they are still breathing softly, tucked in and unaware of their parents' marital activities. When you look back at Sebastian, his eyes meet yours, and your cheeks warm up under the intensity of his gaze as he suckles softly on your sensitive mound.

The sight sends shivers down your spine, and you feel the heat pooling between your legs, the warmth even reaching the dully thrumming ache that binds you to the bed. Your hand moves down to stroke his hair as he moves his own to your right breast to give it the same attention he gives the other one as his long fingers knead your soft flesh carefully before he becomes a little bit more daring and pinches your nipple at the same time as he grazes his teeth over the one in his mouth.

You gasp and squirm slightly, your lips parting to let a soft moan escape you. His eyes remain on you as if he still worries about hurting you, but you only grip his hair tighter and push his head downwards, away from your breasts to a place you really need him. He complies a little reluctantly, licking and kissing your plump mounds and hard nipples as if saying goodbye to them before he moves his lips down between them until he presses his mouth to your stomach softly.

There he rests his head for a moment, his rough cheek on your abdomen as he listens into you like he has done every time you were pregnant with his children. Your fingers dig through his locks, gently caressing his scalp, and you feel him purring against you. His hot breath grazes your skin as he exhales loudly.

He leans up then, his eyes on you. “Do you really want this?” he asks quietly, worry etched into his face.

You nod, your fingers moving down to trail the line of his jaw, scraping over his beard, until you push your index finger against his bottom lip. “I want you,” you say softly and watch with reddening cheeks how he leans in and pulls your finger between his teeth, his tongue circling it eagerly as he sucks on it with his eyes sparkling.

When he releases it with a wet pop, he grabs your hand and plants more kisses on it until he presses his lips to the ring on your finger. “Anything for you, Mrs Sallow,” he tells you hoarsely and gives you an almost coy smile as he lets go of your hand and places it carefully on your stomach.

He then moves down and settles right between your legs, firmly pushing them apart with his elbows. His hot kisses on your hipbones make you whimper softly as you shift against him until his big hands rest on your thighs to hold you down gently. He moves his lips over your mound and straight to the throbbing bundle of nerves, his eyes wandering back up to you as he starts to suck on your clit.

You twitch against him, wincing slightly as the motion causes something to stir within you. He pauses slightly, holding your gaze, but you just smile at him bravely, hoping to encourage him to keep going. He does, eventually, his tongue flicking against your sensitive nub as he breathes loudly into the soft hint of hair above it. His hands rub over your thighs, his thumbs teasing at the insides as he keeps lapping at your sensitive skin, humming softly against it which in turn coaxes those sweet sounds out of your throat.

You close your eyes and lean your head into the pillow, trying to relax under his ministrations, when in reality you feel the tension building up in your stomach as your walls start clenching and unclenching needily. He seems to sense the contractions of your body and moves one of his hands along the inside of your thigh until you can feel his fingertips brushing against your folds, gently stroking your outer labia as he keeps sucking on your clit, his stubble adding to the friction that you so desperately try to chase.

A deep moan escapes you as he pulls the throbbing nub between his teeth at the same time as he sinks his finger into your slit, rubbing up and down through your slick before he pushes carefully against your entrance. When your eyes flutter open, his heated gaze is on you as he stills his movements against your clit and presses his finger slowly into your eager pussy, so much more gentle than he usually does it. He moves it around in teasing circles, literally testing the waters as he stretches your entrance slightly.

You take deep breaths, licking your lips, your chest rising and falling faster. You see and feel him swallowing against you before he pushes his digit deeper, slowly, ever so slowly, opening your tight channel. He halts the motion when he is knuckle deep in you, his fingertip pressing gently against your walls before he curls his finger slightly, the tiny movement causing you to gasp and twitch against him.

He brings his attention back to your throbbing nub as he keeps licking it with rough strokes of his tongue while he moves his finger within you, slowly in and out, over and over again, and it's the steady rhythm that drives you insane with need. You feel your walls tightening around him, yet before the tension eases, he slips his finger out, but only to push two of them into you now. You groan softly at the stretch and thrash your head back slightly as he starts pushing them in and out faster until he moves against you relentlessly.

Watching you from under his lashes, he leans back and replaces his mouth with his free hand, rubbing fast and tight circles around your clit while he fingers you with reckless abandon. You moan and whimper, the tension growing almost unbearable before it suddenly explodes into a bright flash of light, making stars dance behind your eyelids as you squeeze your eyes shut under the sensation, the low thrumming in your womb surprisingly only adding to the feeling of pure bliss as you succumb to his eager touches.

You come around his fingers, your hips jerking upwards as your body convulses, your lips parting to let a soft cry fall from them. While you still feel the tremors of your orgasm, you barely feel him pulling away from you until you feel and taste your own slick on his lips as he pushes his mouth against yours.

Grabbing his hair with a shaking hand, you kiss him back hungrily, your moans swallowed by his tongue as he presses it against your own. He rests on his arms, careful not to put any weight on your body as he hovers above you, his knees caging you in while his hard erection lies eagerly twitching on your stomach.

You meet his gaze during the soft wrestle of your tongues, and after a long moment, he leans away, giving you another peck, before he nods wordlessly and sits back on his knees to gently pull your legs out from beneath him and rests them on his thighs. You go a step further and carefully wrap them around his waist as you watch him breathlessly.

Yet before he brings his cock even in the vicinity of your pussy, he freezes, and you see a dark shadow crossing his features as he looks away for a moment. Only a few seconds later, he raises his hand and moves his fingers, guiding his magic through the air to open the top drawer of your night-stand before a small vial floats out of it and right into his big palm. He turns it between his long fingers and frowns.

“Will this still work?” he then asks hoarsely, looking at you with deep lines on his forehead as he shows you the contraceptive potion. “It's quite old, isn't it?”

You throw him a warm smile before you take a shuddering breath, still too worked up to breathe properly. “It'll be fine. I once drank a Wiggenweld potion I found in an old cave and it was fine. Come on, let me take it,” you whisper and hold out your hand.

He watches you with a raised eyebrow but then hands you the small vial, watching you cautiously as you uncork it and down it in one go, the warmth of the liquid settling in your stomach immediately as it magical properties spread through your body. Closing your eyes to breathe against the slightly bitter taste, you give him back the empty flask which he discards quickly.

You see him opening his mouth but before he can voice his concern once more, you smile at him. “I'm fine. Please, can we continue? I really need your cock right now...”

He inhales sharply before the slight shadow of a smirk graces his lips. Without another word, he puts one hand around his length and one hand between your legs, rubbing your clit once more for good measure to make your thighs twitch against him before he swipes his tip through your wet folds and then slowly pushes against your entrance.

You brace for his intrusion but as soon as he sinks his tip into you, you moan softly and lean your head back, your hands falling to your sides while you grip the bedsheets as tightly as your pussy grips him. He moves his hips further until he bottoms out inside you, his entire length buried deep within, prodding at your cervix. As he lets you adjust to his size, you feel blissfully full, smiling softly as you remember the countless times he's filled you out like this before.

He leans back down on his arms and slowly raises his hips, pushing your legs up slightly as he watches you closely. Your hands move to his wrists as you hold onto him, your eyes wandering over his face, trying to convey just how fine you feel. The look in his eyes is one of concern and concentration, and you can only imagine how hard he is fighting his natural instincts to fuck you senseless right now.

You cross your feet behind his back and gently grind your hips against him, giving him the go to start moving. He doesn't hesitate long, but the motions of his hips are deliberate, slow, careful, as he pulls out slightly to push back in, back and forth, in and out, his pace contrasting his heavy breaths. He is too considerate for his own good, and even though you admire him for his strength to hold back on your account, you want nothing more than to have him pound into you at the same pace as he has done countless times before.

You inhale deeply and close your eyes, remembering how he used to fuck you, with his hands gripping your hips or with his body flush on top of yours, pinning you to the bed as he ruts his hips against you, be it with his eyes on you or from behind with his hot breaths in your ear. You moan softly as the memories alone make your walls clench around him.

He seems to understand your need now and starts moving faster, his breaths strained as he grips the bedsheets next to your hips, still too anxious to touch you properly. Your hands move up his arms, and as you feel his tense muscles, you rub them softly. While he pushes his pelvis harder against you, slipping his cock in and out faster with your walls assisting him in pulling him deeper with each thrust, your eyes flutter open and you meet his heated gaze.

“I love you,” you mouth between soft whimpers, and he holds your gaze with dark eyes before he suddenly halts his motions and leans closer to you, his lips hovering over yours, and it's you who claims his mouth for a much needed kiss as you grab the back of his neck with both hands, pulling him towards you before he almost looses his balance and threatens to fall on top of you.

Yet it is exactly what you want, and you keep pulling him despite his obvious resistance. He looks at you, slightly out of breath, as if asking for permission, but you only wrap your arms and legs tighter around him until his heavy body is lying on yours, pushing you gently into the bed while his warmth seeps through your skin, calming the initial turmoil within you.

He captures your lips for another kiss as he starts moving his hips against you once more, the new angle giving him the opportunity to really rut into you, and each thrust sends shivers down your spine and rocks your body beneath him. You moan into his mouth while he cradles your head between his arms as he leans on his elbows, taking some of his weight off you.

Your hands hold onto his broad back, your fingernails sinking into his skin before you scratch them over it as he pushes hard and fast into you, every time hitting that sweet spot deep within, and you cry out against him, your noises muffled by his tongue pressing into your mouth. The tension builds as rapidly as he moves his cock inside your tight channel, and while he still pounds into you with almost desperate abandon, you come around him with a force that makes your entire body shudder and twitch beneath him.

The deep rooted ache in your stomach is silenced by the orgasm crashing through you, and for the first time in a long while you feel like yourself again, weightless and elated, happy in his embrace, happy with your body as it convulses as you want it to convulse: in sheer bliss and not uncontrollable bouts of pain. You melt into the sensation and are barely able to kiss him as his movements become even more erratic.

You groan against him, his heavy breaths mingling with yours, causing you to feel light-headed and dizzy, but in the best way possible, as you feel him thrusting into you, the tension in his body a telltale sign that he's close to climaxing as well. He is lost in the moment, leaning his forehead against yours, but before he gives you that final thrust, the tiniest of hesitations makes him freeze for a second.

You're quick to grab his face and look deep into his eyes before you whisper breathlessly: “Come inside me. Please. It's going to be alright...”

You see his lips moving, but no sounds come out, and instead he resumes rutting into you, frantically, definitely desperately, before he finally groans loudly and pushes hard into you, his tight balls pressing against your arse as he starts twitching inside you, emptying himself completely as thick ropes of cum shoot into your womb, the feeling as familiar as the sight above you. You caress his cheeks through his release before he collapses on top of you, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

Your hands move to his back, and you rub it softly, soothing the red lines you left on his skin, as you hold him in your embrace while he slowly relaxes against you, his cock still throbbing inside you, your walls tight around him as if to embrace him as well, as if to welcome him back, eager to not let him go just yet.

Your heavy breaths ease slowly, and you close your eyes as you nuzzle your nose into his hair, relaxing beneath him. Yet when he suddenly stirs, his hips moving upwards as he gently tries to unwrap your legs from around his waist, you grab his shoulders and, against the ache in your thighs, keep your legs crossed behind his back. “Stay,” you whisper hoarsely. “Please...”

He lifts his head slightly and looks at you, his eyes wandering over your flushed face. You hold his gaze before you pull him towards you to claim his mouth. The kiss is lazy and comforting, coaxing him back into lying down on you, slipping his cock back in all the way as he breathes loudly against you. You hold him and kiss him, savouring his warmth for as long as you can.

“How do you feel?” he asks between kisses, his voice low and as hoarse as yours as it vibrates through your head.

“Better,” you reply, pressing your lips to his cheek. “So much better.” And it's true. With his weight on you, the pain within dulls to a barely there throbbing. “You know, I think all I needed to recover was your seed in me...” you jest quietly and move back to capture his lips.

He scoffs into your mouth, but there's a twinkle in his eyes as he watches you. His tongue keeps circling yours lazily before he moves his lips over your cheek and down your jaw to kiss your throat, his hands caressing your head, with his fingers tangling into your hair. “I love you,” you hear him mutter against your skin as he nibbles softly on your neck. “More than you think... more than I can bear sometimes... I would die without you...”

Your heart swells, with love and concern for him, and you rub his back in a soothing fashion as you fight back tears. A stifled sob makes it past your trembling lips nonetheless, and he leans up at the sound of it, looking at you with furrowed brows, a panicked look in his warm eyes.

You swallow and shake your head at him, pressing your lips together as you blink quickly. He reaches one hand up to cup your cheek and wipe at your wet skin. “Are you hurting?”

“No,” you whisper with your voice shaking. “I'm just... so...” You sob again and close your eyes, more tears spilling past your lashes. “I love you so much, Sebastian. And I'll... never leave you... I promise...” you manage to croak out between crying quietly. He puts both of his hands on your face and brings his lips to yours, gently kissing you as you shiver beneath him.

You kiss him back and slowly calm down again, leaning into his touches as you focus on him and him alone. Your breaths mingle in your mouths as you lean your forehead against his, a blissful dizziness pushing aside your worries.

“And... whatever comes our way... we'll manage... we'll deal with it... together,” you whisper barely audible.

His eyes are dark and swimming in emotions as he watches you, then nods slowly. “Together,” he repeats and takes a shuddering breath. “Always.”

“Always,” you say with him and smile warmly. He leans in to kiss you again while slightly shifting against you. You sigh quietly as you feel him moving within you.

For a moment he just looks at you as if to make sure you're still here before he gives you another peck and leans away then, undoing your connection so fast you can barely protest against the sudden empty feeling inside you. Your legs fall to his sides, twitching as they finally relax.

He rolls off you, but then gently grabs your shoulders and turns you onto your side as well until your rear is pressed against his front. He doesn't hesitate at all when he slips his cock between your thighs as he pulls you closer to his chest. You inhale deeply and snuggle against him, grabbing the arm he snakes around you.

You're both facing the crib now where your twin babies still sleep peacefully, their tiny breaths a comforting sound in your ears. Sebastian leans his head on your shoulder and inhales deeply as he moves his other hand to your stomach, rubbing soothing circles into your skin. A soft moan escapes you as you move against him, your thighs clenching around his hot member comfortably until you feel him harden between them once more.

As you turn your head slightly to watch him out of the corner of your eye, you reach one hand down between your legs and guide him back into your pussy, the familiar feeling of being filled out calming you immediately. He shifts against your rear as he pushes in as far as he can before he just rests there, holding you to his body, his hot breath making strands of your hair fly.

You close your eyes and lean against him. “I missed this...” you murmur softly.

“Me too...” he replies, his voice a low hum in your ear. “Do you think –”

“– we can do this more often now?” you finish his quiet question and smirk. “I sure hope so. No, I know so, because I do feel better, really. You make me complete, Sebastian,” you add and turn your head more to brush your lips against his cheek. He leans in and claims your mouth, smiling against you.

“So it was lack of sex that made you ill?” he muses with a smirk that is both mischievous and concerned, the duality of his emotions making you chuckle.

“It was lack of you,” you whisper against his lips.

“But I was here, I was always here,” he protests quietly, leaning back a little to look at you, slightly hurt.

You reach up a hand and caress his stubbled cheek. “You've been bearing the burden of our life alone for the past months, always worrying about my health and money and our future, and I feel... horrible for putting you through this, for not being able to do anything.” He opens his mouth to object, but you put a finger to his lips. “But I am here too and thanks to your intensive care, I am better, and we'll manage this together now, do you hear me? Let me carry some of your worries as well, please.”

He listens intently, his eyes boring into yours, the lines on his face deepening before they relax again. “We're not selling your hideous socks,” he then says with a smirk that reminds you so much of the boy you fell in love with all those years ago.

You laugh, both relieved at his calm tone and offended by his words. “Then we can go back to tomb robbing, how's that?” you suggest and poke your tongue out at him.

He stares at your mouth, then grins. “I promised you an honest life, so no, we'll not traipse through cobwebbed old caves ever again,” he says firmly, kissing your cheek as he leans away slightly, the hard lines back on his face. “We'll find a way. I'm sure there are still some people who owe you a favour or two.”

You snort at that as you think back to your days of helping everyone you met without the slightest hint of hesitation. “An honest life, huh? Sounds a bit like extortion to me,” you tease, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“It's called justice, darling. And it's only fair. You've done so much for so many people, me included, and you need to think of yourself for once.” His voice is low and a tad too serious for your liking.

“I'm a mother of five and a wife, I've had my time of thinking of myself,” you whisper. “It's us now. But you're right, we shouldn't be afraid to ask for help ourselves.”

“Not exactly what I said, but fine,” he agrees with a soft chuckle and kisses your jaw, shifting his hips against you as he presses his hand to your stomach.

You lick your lips and close your eyes, slowly going back to feeling the present instead of worrying or thinking about the future. His warm body moulds to yours as he starts grinding against your arse while your walls clench lazily around his cock.

“So, are you up for another round or do we just lie like this for a bit?” he whispers into your ear, his voice sending shivers down your spine.

“Why do I have the feeling that you want to make up for all those months we weren't able to do this in just one evening?” You chuckle softly as you turn your head to him, meeting his gaze, his eyes sparkling wickedly.

“You said you feel better. I'm trusting you that you're not lying to me. Are you lying to me?” he asks with his eyebrows raised.

“I'm not lying to you,” you whisper back, putting your hand on his as he rubs your stomach. “I do feel better and if you're fine with me just lying here, then please, go ahead and use me as you see fit.”

He groans into your ear. “Ugh, the temptation...” he hisses through his teeth. “Don't say that, I might not be able to hold back.”

“Then don't,” you challenge with a smirk.

He stares at you, breathing loudly through his nose before he closes his eyes and nods quietly. “If you insist,” he murmurs and moves his hand to your hip, digging his fingers into your skin, and you moan softly under the familiar sensation.

His other arm snakes around your neck and holds you gently pressed to his chest as he starts pushing his hips against your arse, slowly at first, then quickly losing all kind of control until he pounds into you with all he has. You melt into his embrace and moan louder, the tension within coiling up as your walls tighten around him.

Your eyes roll back as you cry out in nothing but bliss while your orgasm rips through you like a tidal wave, causing your body to shudder against his. His grunts are loud in your ear as he keeps thrusting into you, in and out, faster and harder, unrelenting until another wave of pleasure crashes over you.

While you float in the wonderful weightlessness of your release, he thrusts into you mercilessly, his movements much rougher than before as he slips back into his old behaviour, and you relish in the feeling of submitting to him fully. Your stomach fills with a warmth that is not just his seed as he finally stills inside you, pumping hot spurts of cum into your womb once more, but a warmth that exceeds the physical nature of his touch.

You feel safe and protected, completely at ease, knowing he is right there, pressed against you, holding you, caring so much about you that you could feed off his love for years and years to come. Centuries even, for all eternity for all you care. It's always been him, and through all the hardships in your lives, you've been together, and you've always come out the other end, holding each other, being together, no matter what.

You reach a hand up and grab the back of his head, your fingers digging into his hair as you pull him towards you for a kiss that hopefully conveys all those emotions swirling within your body. He breathes heavily against you, the hand on your hip easing its grip before it snakes up to cup your face as he kisses you back passionately.

You're lost in his embrace, sinking into his taste and smell and feel, almost completely oblivious to your surroundings. That is until you feel your breasts tensing up, just seconds before you hear a soft little squeak followed by a tiny little sob. Your eyes fly open and so do Sebastian's, before you both look towards the crib next to your bed.

Your twin babies stir, softly cooing. You breathe deeply against him, and without another word, he slips away from you, not caring about the mess you both created as he quickly walks to Beatrice and Bernie and leans over the crib with a soft smile on his hard features. You watch him as you roll onto your back and shift against your pillow, sitting up slightly. He picks up Bernie first, the little boy already sporting some of your features, while your baby girl definitely comes after her father.

He carries your son to your side and places him gently into your arm, lining him up to suckle on your breast. You look up at him shortly, noticing the almost envious look in his dark eyes that makes you smirk slightly before you wince when your baby boy starts nibbling on your hard nipple. Sebastian meets your gaze, before returning to the crib and gently lifting his tiny baby girl into his big hands, cradling her with his cheeks flushed.

When he puts Beatrice down in your other arm and docks her to your other breast, he looks at you lovingly before slipping next to you on the bed and supporting your shoulders as you feed his children. You inhale sharply under the eager sucking of your twins as you cradle them to your chest, trying to relax while you lean against your husband.

“You look so beautiful right now,” he coos into your ear, his breath ghosting your skin. “Look at what you're able to do, look at our babies...”

You do and smile softly, watching the tiny humans in your arms. In the end it was all worth it, all the pain and aches and those weeks and months you were battling against your own body. Seeing your children, healthy and eager to grow into this world, and seeing the soft expression in Sebastian's eyes, makes up for everything. You turn your head and brush your lips against his jaw before he leans in and captures them for a gentle kiss.

When he leans back, he smiles at you disarmingly, making your cheeks burn. He shifts against you as one of his hands moves over the tiny head of his son, while you gently rub your daughter's back as both of them still suckle eagerly on your breasts. For the longest moment you both watch them feed, content in each other's embrace.

Beatrice is the first to be sated, and when she lets go of your breast with a soft popping sound, Sebastian is already there to pick her up and lean her tiny body against his shoulder, as he stands from the bed and paces the room slowly, rubbing his daughter's back until a little burp breaks from her cute little mouth. You watch him, while you cradle Bernie in your arms, and smile softly.

“My good little girl,” he coos as he keeps walking her around the room, holding her gently to his bare chest. The sight warms you from the inside, and you almost don't notice when Bernie stirs against you, squirming slightly.

You lift him up and smile widely at him, meeting his curious big eyes, before you press your lips to his small forehead and inhale deeply, his sweet infant scent filling your nostrils. Next to you Sebastian is putting Beatrice down into the crib again and turns back to you, gently taking your son from your grasp, and repeats the motion he did with his daughter. Bernie's burp comes loud and immediate, and Sebastian's surprised laugh fills the room and your heart.

“That's my boy,” he chuckles and cradles his son in his arms for another moment while you start swaying the crib to calm your little girl, your eyes locked to the tall form of your husband.

You've always known he'd be a good father, and he even exceeded your expectations and became the best father you could have wished for for your children. He was always there, not shying away from doing anything when it came to his offspring, from changing diapers to bathing them or nursing them to sleep even if he was tired and exhausted himself. It was his unyielding love and support that convinced you to add to your family in the first place, knowing that he would always take care of your kids and you.

He notices your loving stare and smiles at you, his cheeks slightly flushed as he walks back to the bed and sits down on the edge, holding Bernie in his arms, as he leans towards you and presses his lips to your forehead. You take the infant from him and put him down gently next to his sister, who immediately stops her slight squirming. The twins cuddle together, and you gasp softly as they touch hands shortly after.

Sebastian wraps his arm around you as you both watch them in silent admiration. Leaning against him, you grab his other hand and hold it tightly before you raise it to your face and kiss his fingers, resting your lips on his ring. He hugs you tighter, breathing deeply. You snuggle against him and place your joined hands on your lap. He slips his fingers between yours and rubs your thigh with them before he turns his head and looks at you.

You look back, filled to the brim with happiness. His hand tightens around your waist as he pulls you closer to him until he lifts you onto his lap. You wrap your free arm around his neck when he suddenly stands from the bed and cradles you in his arms, a soft smile on his face as he carries you towards the small window of your bedroom.

“Look,” he whispers into your ear, and you follow his gaze through the old glass panel into your backyard, where your oldest twins play catch with a surprisingly nimble Edgar Adley.

The man you once assisted back in your teenage years has been a great help to your little family over the last decade and you couldn't be more grateful to him or his young wife for looking after Benjamin, Archie and Anne while you were bound to your bed, only able to look after your newborn twins while Sebastian has been looking after you.

Your gaze wanders on, and you find your sweet little daughter, the spitting image of yourself, sitting in the grass surrounded by her dolls and a stack of old books, while she moves her tiny fingers over a row of little flowers she braided together, completely oblivious to her brothers' playfulness. Yet when another boy approaches the fence, his hand held by a young blonde woman you know as Edgar's wife and the daughter of his late best friend Milo, she looks up curiously.

Sebastian chuckles. “Look at her, she's just like her mother,” he muses and kisses your cheek as he shifts you on his arms. “Completely oblivious to the world until a good-looking boy approaches and captures her attention.”

You scoff. “Remind you of someone, huh?”

“I was better looking,” he says with a smirk.

“And you weren't five when we met!” you laugh. “Though I'm sure you were already breaking hearts at that age.”

“Breaking hearts?” he repeats and looks at you slightly offended. “If anything, I was and am a heart-mender,” he adds and leans in to kiss you softly. “I did just cure you with my seed, didn't I?” he whispers under his breath and you blush deeply as you stare at him with your lips parted.

“Put me down,” you tell him softly after a moment of watching him closely, as you listen to the workings of your body, trying to distinguish your rapidly beating heart from the usual throbbing in your stomach.

He raises his eyebrows, but complies, gently setting you down until your feet touch the old floor boards. You hold onto him as you look up into his concerned face, your legs trembling slightly. His hands are on your waist, holding you just in case your body decides it isn't ready yet. But you feel surprisingly stable. When you put a hand on your abdomen, you inhale deeply, but the ache seems to have quieted down immensely.

“As weird as it may seem, but I think you're right...” you whisper and smile at him softly, but with your face flushed properly. “Though we shouldn't tell anyone about how I got better, okay?”

He laughs, the low rumble vibrating through your body. “We should also make sure you're properly healed,” he whispers and leans down to press his forehead to yours. “I might have to put in more...”

You cough slightly when you choke on your own spit at his proposal, but then reach up a hand and touch his face, your expression as serious as you can make it look while you feel yourself flooded with mischief and anticipation. “Yes, you might have to. Just to be sure.”

Sebastian's face lights up completely before he picks you up once more, wrapping your legs around his waist as he puts his big hands on your bum cheeks. You beam at him, your hands holding onto his shoulders. Slowly he carries you back to the bed, his eyes momentarily wandering towards the crib, but your twins are already sleeping again, fed and happy, their tiny fingers entangled, as their parents crawl back into bed.

When he puts you down on your back, hovering over you, you shake your head and motion him to roll around until you can lie on him. Once you rest on top of him, you smile down at him, cradling his face between your hands. He watches you with a warm smile as his hands come to rest on your hips, gently gripping your soft flesh.

You give him a short but heated kiss before you sit up on your knees, grinding your pelvis against his groin in slow circles while your chest bounces with every undulating motion. He sighs deeply beneath you, licking his lips.

“By Merlin's bloody facial hair, I've missed seeing you like this,” he whispers breathlessly, his hands moving up to grab your plump breasts, groping them with eager fingers.

You throw him a sultry smile as you move your wet folds over his hardening cock and reply with a breathy whisper: “Well, you better get used to it again. I have a lot to make up for.”

End notes: This started out with the idea to gather some prompts to write short smut or fluff or angst oneshots but then I got inspired to finally continue my Dad!Seb fic and here we are. The angst was real in this one, but also the tooth achingly sweet family life fluff.

By the way: Yes, I ship Edgar Adley with his late friend Milo's daughter. Listen! There is a blonde girl in Aranshire, maybe 8 or 10 years old, and I HC that it's Milo's daughter AND I see Edgar taking care of her after Milo's death (he did say he wanted to pay for her Hogwarts supplies one day) and when she grows up, they fall in love and have a baby boy and everything is happy! This story plays at least 13 years after we do that quest for him, so why not, huh? (Also did you know: that man with that sexy accent is voiced by the same guy who voices Victor Rookwood? WTF!)

As I mentioned in the first part (It is that time again) I borrowed the names of three of Sebastian's children (Benjamin, Archie and Anne) from @subastian-swallows, but added my own for Beatrice and Bernie (short for Bernard btw).

Seriously dude, five children! Two pairs of twins? Chill! His poor wife! No wonder she ended up bedridden! By the way: I have no idea about the topic and I didn't want to research too much because in the end it doesn't really matter, maybe it's even a magical malady, who knows. So please don't ask me about details! (I also have no idea if my descriptions of breastfeeding are anywhere near the real thing, so forgive me for my ignorance!)

And yes: she was healed by his magical cum, believe it or not. I don't make the rules, that's how the world works in my head!

[ MASTERLIST ] [ AO3 ]

[cravesunconditionallove]

On your recent post for Vivisections

Do you have any more advice or maybe a quick scene lay out on how you'd accurately describe and show it? I've not seen many people explain this before I'd love to know more!

Permission to infodump?? awesome :D

Because it's on topic here, there are a few blogs I think need a mention because they have AMAZING medical/torture writing advice (@scripttorture and @justkidneying )

You didn't ask whether the character lives or dies, I don't know which you want so here's info on both scenarios:

Dying:

First off, without anesthesia, the pain alone would likely lead to a thing called Neurogenic Shock, which will in turn cause a BP drop and organ failure among other things. Your character will likely be breathing quickly, appear pale, have a rapid pulse, and be confused if they are still conscious. And yelling in pain of course.

For death due to blood loss: it's hard *not* to hit a major blood vessel if you're flaying someone open neck to groin, and that will also lead to quick death without immediate treatment. Cautery (using electricity to burn an area, stopping bleeding) will work on smaller bleeding but major blood vessels not so much. Symptoms are similar to shock: clammy/pale skin, thready/weak/rapid pulse, loss of consciousness.

Other: you can also risk damaging organs (someone being vivisected probably isn't going to be staying very still, even restrained, and one slip of a scalpel and oops, that's the aorta...) A punctured lung could lead to pneumo/hemothorax (air/blood in the chest cavity (pleural space), where it shouldn't be) causing respiratory distress—and then shock, and without treatment—death. If the heart is damaged, death would be near instant. Other organs like the liver, kidneys, bowels, spleen etc are pretty big bleeders, so see my Blood Loss section.

Sepsis: If they don't die immediately, sepsis is a big risk, as even in sterile environments you can't completely prevent it. Sepsis is when an infection reaches the bloodstream and is very serious. I imagine whoever is vivisecting the character probably wouldn't care too much about using sterile technique, so you can bet on an infection happening. This can set in within hours or days. Symptoms include high fever, pain, confusion/delirium, sweaty/clammy skin, low blood pressure.

Now, if you want them to live?

Surviving:

If the vivisectionist wants their patient/victim to survive, they'd need a lot of materials. Like any major surgery you'd need blood products, fluids, antibiotics, ligatures, and a way to keep the pain (somewhat) under control. Alcohol has been used in the past for similar procedures, but you could also just opt for a dose of opioids.

Antibiotics are necessary, opening someone up like that is a MAJOR risk (see "Sepsis").

I imagine they'd also somewhat monitor the character's vitals. They'd also probably have a few assistants to help with similar smaller tasks like that—stopping bleeding or handing tools, etc.

Closing the wound: Stitching someone up from such an event would be a lot of work, as you have to close many skin layers (muscle, fat, and the surface skin) and bandage it.

If you don't want to stitch them up immediately, a wound vac (negative pressure wound therapy) would be a good option. Doctors use these in cases of things like compartment syndrome. It is used when you cannot close someone back up right away.

Bandages and proper wound care are also important, you'd need to change the bandages every few hours for the first few days as deep wounds tend to produce a lot of fluids (called "exudate.") Sometimes doctors place drains to help drain away this fluid faster.

All in all, Healing from this would take months, not to mention the psychological trauma from all of this.

The scene:

Writing these scenes is honestly so variable so here's a few thoughts of mine:

You could describe the environment: (cliche, but cold metal table? Harsh lighting? Straps? A table with sharp scary-looking objects on it? How about the scent of disinfectant (or its absence).

The initial sensation would be the biggest to focus on: does the vivisectionist take their time? (pressure before pain?) shock as nerves fire as they are severed (lightning sensation shooting upwards), and the body’s instinctive flinch or freeze. Initially screaming, swearing? Sweating, rapid breathing, muscle spasms, or even vomiting as the body tries to cope?

Smells: Metallic tang of a large amount of blood (I personally HATE this smell, it's like having a penny in your mouth, or if you've ever used a metal scrubber to clean a pan, it smells kind of like that.), burning flesh (if they use cauterization) etc

If the character is partially sedated for it, keep in mind they will still react to pain, albeit sluggishly.

I hope this helps!

[dept-of-monster-affairs]

Hello Neighbor

Note: previously posted under nicsnort but Tumblr decided to shadowban then terminate the account without warning. (this will be my monster blog from now on, even if the other is reinstated)

m!werewolf (Darrick) x f!reader

Word count: 3806

Contains: heat sex, knotting, werewolf sex, talk of breeding

You're part of a study using an experimental skin cream. The effects have been interesting but suddenly take a turn for the horny. Luckily, your werewolf neighbor is willing to help you out.

If you want to ignore my self-indulgent worldbuilding lore skip the indented text

Department of Monster Affairs

MEMO: Internal use only TO: For dispersal among all staff FROM: Division of Monster Research TOPIC: Werewolf bites and bodily fluids  Cultural stories have long passed down the idea that a human bitten by a werewolf in their wolf or hybrid form during the full moon will transform said human into a werewolf the full moon after. This division has long since determined that information to be mostly false, as the bite must occur during a special ritual for the transformation to take place. However, we now confirm that minor human-to-werewolf transformations are possible outside this ritual. Additionally, it seems that the transference of bodily fluids from the werewolf to the human is the cause, not the bite itself; this includes saliva and blood, but sexual fluids appear to have the same effect. Upon exposure to a significant amount of werewolf fluids, the human body begins accepting the wolven anima into its being. Within the next few days, those exposed will show increased aggression, likelihood to growl, urges to chase prey, and desire to pack. If exposure to the fluids ends, the wolven anima will not bind with the human form, and effects fade over time. Continuing the exposure will prolong the effects and may induce further wolven behavior and biological changes such as heightened senses and increased hair thickness. For women, the biological changes also include a heat cycle; for men, this includes rutting responses to a woman's heat cycle. This appears to follow gender identity or at least hormone levels as a trans-woman on HRT experienced a heat cycle. These results are from observations and testing of the general population who have been engaging in intimate relationships with werewolves. Experimental tests with a wide representative sample are underway to verify the full extent and parameters of werewolf fluids' effect on humans. This new evidence indicates that the ritual bite binds the wolven anima to the human, creating a new werewolf. Considering this, basic medical care to treat bacterial infection is no longer enough for an agent to re-enter the field. All symptoms of wolven anima must be cleared from the system. This knowledge will be distributed to the public via updated guides after experiments have validated the results and we have more information. Additionally, werewolves now fall under the category of corruptive monsters; all previous classifications still stand.

“Thank you,” the researcher said as she finished rubbing the experimental cream into your skin. “As always, contact us immediately if there are any sudden changes in your mental state or physical concerns. Please return for your next application next week.”

“Of course,” you replied with a smile. It had been four months since you started the trials, and you know the drill now. Honestly, this had been one of the best choices in your life. When you first saw the ad on social media looking for volunteers for a body-enhancing topical cream based on monster science, you thought it was a scam, especially when you saw that they were paying a hundred a week with a bonus of two thousand for those who completed the full six-month trial. But you took the risk, and damn was it paying off. All you had to do was be slathered in a topical cream every week, do a finger prick blood test daily at home, and submit a five-minute check-in about anything strange you noticed about your body or mind at the end of the day.

You weren’t sure what they were exposing you to; they couldn’t tell you as it could interfere with their results or something. Initially, you had experienced some mood swings and increased aggression. Still, it had settled down, and now the only noticeable effects were your sense of smell and hearing becoming more sensitive. It was sometimes annoying, given that you lived in an apartment complex, but it was not a huge hassle. 

Before heading home, you swung by the grocery store to pick up some milk and meat. That was something else; you had been craving meat a lot since this started. While walking around the grocery store, you noticed a minotaur and a naga looking at you with interest. A blush came to your cheeks. Could they smell the cream on you? Usually, you went right home after an appointment, so you had never been out in public - and certainly not around monsters. They have been increasingly common in the area since the segregation laws were overturned, allowing humans and sentient monsters to mix freely. The older folks who remembered the Great Incursion hated it, but you didn’t mind too much. Most monsters are just like humans, merely with different physicality and cultures…and magical powers half the time.

With groceries gathered, you quickly headed home. Walking towards your building, you saw your next-door neighbor—a werewolf. He moved in six months ago for work and spent most of his time in hybrid form. Apparently, he was from the other side of the Rift, so he never had to use his humanoid form. Honestly, you never understood how people said they found monsters that didn’t look human attractive until you met him with his thick mahogany fur, piercing golden eyes, full tail, and broad chest that was barely contained by his human-style clothes…you could have sworn he was flirting with you the first couple of months after he moved in. Yet, his interest fell off a few months ago. He stayed friendly, though.

“Good day, neighbor,” he greeted with a smile. “Need help with those?”

“Thanks, Darrick. That’d be great.” Maybe it was because he wanted to prove he wasn’t a threat, but Darrick was extremely friendly. According to the DMA guides, werewolves were very social monsters due to their pack instinct, so maybe it was just that.

He took the heavy meat-filled shopping bag from your arms while you carried the milk. As he did, you noticed his large, wet nose flare and his pointed ear turn forward with interest. Another blush came to your cheeks. He could smell that cream on you, couldn’t he? Though you had to admit, his scent today was marvelous. A deep, musky scent caused your blush to travel across your body, transforming into an aroused flush.

Entering the building, you were deeply aware of his presence behind you as you climbed the steps to the second floor. Even more so, with each sway of your hips, you were aware of how deeply aroused you had suddenly become. Your swollen lips rubbed against the cloth of your panties with each stair. You had been feeling sensitive the past few days, but why did your arousal spike now?!

You stopped outside your door. As you fumbled for your keys, you heard Darrick sniff rapidly, his hot body leaning over you, caging you against the door. Glancing back, you saw his long tongue flick out from behind his sharp teeth as though tasting the air. Your mind instantly flashed to what that tongue would feel like between your legs.

“I got it from here, thanks,” you told him, desperate to get away before you did something you regretted as the scent of his musk filled your nostrils.

Your voice seemed to jolt something in him. “Right, of course,” he bent down and put the bag down on the ground. But that was a mistake. His muzzle was right at your crotch now. The scent of your arousal certainly reached his wolven nose.

On instinct, Darrick pressed his nose against your crotch. You could feel his damp, heated breath through your jeans. His chest rumbled with a low growl, the vibrations reaching down his snout to your aching mound. A pleasured, wanting moan escaped your throat. You leaned against the door, your hips tilting up, legs spreading slightly, humping his muzzle lightly. His pointed canine teeth, barred together, provided a teasing friction against your clit.

CRACK!

You jumped at the sudden sound. Darrick had driven his claws into the wall, breaking the drywall. He wrenched his snout away from you with a pitiful whine, standing quickly and moving back. “I am so sorry! I wasn’t trying to stake a claim.”

“What,” you asked hazily, trying to shake your head of the lust. “A claim…”

“It has just been months since I have been around a woman in heat, and I lost control,” Darrick continued, not hearing your response at first. Then he paused while backing up a bit more. 

“Darrick, what do you mean by ‘a woman in heat’?” Even as you spoke, your eyes were drawn across him. There was a massive bulge straining his pants. Your inner walls clenched with desire.

“Sorry,” you apologize, tearing your eyes away and fumbling once more for the door. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think it’s the cream. I need to report this to the researchers…”

Finally, you managed to open the door. Stumbling inside, you barely made it to the fridge to put away the milk. Shit, the meat. Heading back to the hall, half bent over in a vain attempt to avoid aggravating your burning crotch. Darrick was standing in the doorway, a look of concern fighting lust on his face. Not that you saw that for long as your half-bent over position put you right at his bulging groin. Your mouth parted in desire at the sight. The scent wafted to your nose. If it weren’t for Darrick catching your shoulder and holding you back, you would have desperately rubbed your face against the bludge.

“Control yourself, Darrick,” he growled to himself, pushing you back inside the apartment while bringing your groceries in and shutting the door. “You’re not a pup anymore.”

“Noooo,” you whined as he forced you to sit on the couch and stepped away to put the meat on the counter. As you watched him, your hand grabbed your breast through your shirt, massaging it. “You have to leave. If you stay, I’ll end up begging you to fuck me.”

As desperately horny as you had become, the admission did not embarrass you one bit. Darrick breathed out slowly, trying to control himself. “Where is your phone? I will call your mate. He shouldn’t be leaving you alone during your heat.”

“Mate,” you questioned. That word alone resonated with you. Yes, you wanted to mate. Fucked raw like an animal.

“Or husband, whatever term humans use. Whoever is the irresponsible wolf that has marked you with his scent so thoroughly and left you alone to deal with your heat.”

“I don’t know any other werewolves, Darrick,” you told him. The term heat was finally jogging your memory. “You’re the only one I’ve ever met. And humans don’t have a heat. I think whatever is happening has to do with the study I’m participating in. Some cream to enhance my body or something. They said arousal could be a side effect, but I didn’t think like this…”

Your hand wandered down to your pants. It slipped inside as you stroked yourself, trying to cool the ache there. Darrick stood stock still, completely focused on you, as your fingers stroked wildly. “You smell so good, Darrick. Please, you gotta leave before I jump you. Or else fuck me. I’ve dreamt about you bending me over my bed so many--”

Like a dam breaking, Darrick rushed over. His tall, fur-covered body bent over the couch, trapping you on it. “One last time,” he growled, barely able to restrain himself. “For clarity. The scent on you is this cream? Another werewolf has not mated you? And you want me to mate with you?”

You answered each question as he asked him. “Yes…No…Please, yes, fuck me, please!”

Without a spoken response, Darrick scooped you up in his arms. He carried you into your bedroom and dumped you on the bed. His chest heaved as took in deep, steadying breaths as though he was trying not to pounce on you immediately. Even as he did, his hands roamed over your shirt as he roughly tugged it off you. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to be gentle.”

“I don’t want gentle right now,” you told him, kicking off your shoes and hurriedly undoing your jeans. “I want you to fuck me with your fat cock until I’m satisfied.”

A primal growl of want escaped his throat. In two short movements, he removed your bra, his claws slicing it off, and tossed it away. Your skin was flushed with desire, nipples already hard with want. Darrick’s large paws covered your breasts, massaging them as he pushed you down against the bed. His long, hot tongue met your neck as he licked you ravenously. Every so often, you felt his pointed teeth scrape across your skin.

You moaned his name. Thrusting your hips upwards, you both tried to finish removing your jeans and gain friction on your needy hole. You managed the first one, but as your hands went to your dripping core, you found a better target. Darrick’s bulge strained against his pants. With deft fingers, you undid his pants and were just about to slip your hand inside his underwear to free him completely when he grabbed your hands. Pulling them above your head, he pinned you down, causing you to whine with displeasure.

“I need to mask that other scent first,” he growled. “Don’t want to smell another wolf. I need to cover you with my scent before I claim you.”

As desperate as you were to be fucked, his words touched a primal part of you, and now nothing sounded better than being marked by him. Inside and outside. Completely and utterly claimed. You wanted any creature who met you to know who you were mated to. That you were his .

Darrick’s muzzle slid down your neck to your chest. With one hand still pining your hands down, the other pressed between your legs. His rough fingers began to stroke, giving you both relief and teasing you as he avoided where you wanted him - his cock - the most. Sharp teeth delicately held your breast as he drew it into his mouth, his tongue lapping across your sensitive nipple. The thick pad of his thumb rubbed against your clit, the claws of his hand pressing into the flesh of your butt. 

A needy whimper escaped your throat. With the little space he left you between the bed and his hand, you lifted your hips invitingly.  “Please.”

“By Seluna, I need you,” he swore, pulling back. His nose twitched, the scent of your lust overriding any further complaints he might have had about the scent of the cream. You tried to follow him, pull him back down but his burning golden eyes pinned you in place.

Eyes hazy with lust, you watched him pull off his shirt. In his rush, his dangerous claws and sheer strength tore it off. Grabbing his already undone pants, he finally stood completely nude. Your eyes honed in on the long, red, throbbing cock between his legs. The tapered head glistened with precum in the sunlight peeking through your shades. Your core clenched with want.

“On your hands and knees,” he commanded, his words barely recognizable through the thick growl of want in his voice. Without hesitation, you turned around. Settling in the center of the bed, you were on your hands and knees, the aching desire between your legs presented to him.

A long moment passed where all you heard was the huff and puff of his breathing behind you. Then, a cold, wet nose pressed itself against your lower lips. You moaned. Darrick’s broad tongue lapped at the swollen flesh. Panting moans left you as the pleasure built. You were so close. Suddenly, his tongue slipped inside of you.

With a cry of pleasure, you came on his tongue. It wiggled inside of you as your body clenched around it. Finally, he withdrew, his muzzle covered in your juices. “Good mate,” he praised. “So, fertile and willing.”

He shook his head, barely returning to his senses enough to add, “You should take some night tea after, 'cause I’m gonna breed you now.”

“Yes,” you panted with joy. The orgasm took the edge off, but you needed more. Being bred sounded like the best thing in the world. Filled with his thick creamy cum.

Your bed dipped with his weight as he climbed on, positioning himself behind you. You felt the heat radiating off his turgid cock even before its heavy weight rested upon your hips. 

“Inside,” you pleaded, rocking your hips. His hands gripped your hips, claws digging in ever so slightly. 

“Spread,” he told you, and even in your current state, you could tell from his tone he was barely restraining himself. Eagerly, you obeyed, spreading your knees further apart. Darrick kept a firm grip on your hips as you did, forcing you to lower yourself onto your forearms. Now, you were fully presenting your dripping hole to him.

You felt the magnetic heat of his cock as he lined it up. As his thick length pressed inside, you whined with pleasure. “Yeesssss.”

The prick of his claws was barely enough to keep you from orgasming with just the tip of his cock inside of you. Inch by inch, he slid inside. You tried to press yourself back on him to take in more, but his strong grasp on your hips stopped you. “You’re gonna make me...” 

“Please, Darrick, breed me!”

With that plea, he snapped. Pulling back until just the tip was left, he slammed his hips forward. You screamed in pleasure. Unleashed, Darrick pounded into you wildly. Spurred on by the hormones of your heat, he rutted into you with only one thing on his mind: breeding his mate.

With each wild thrust, you could feel your body accepting more of him. His cock filled you up each time your inner walls stretched to take in more. You were moaning and panting with ecstasy. You weren’t even sure if you were orgasming, but the pleasure was overwhelming your mind. You could think of little else but his cock inside of you.

Releasing your hips, Darrick bent over your back. His large hands resting on either side of your head, holding your hands in place. The weight of him pinning you beneath him with no hope of escape - not that you wanted to. His hot breath caressed the sensitive skin of your neck and ear. The growl of his voice reverberated across your whole body. “I’m gonna knot you. Ruin you for human men. You want that, don’t you?”

You gave a whine of pleasure-drunk consent, unable to form words.

With a powerful thrust, you felt him hilt within you. His pointed cock pressed against your womb. Then you felt it. As the glands of his cock expanded, he stretched you. Thicker than anything that had been inside of you before. Yet, the pain of the stretching only added to your pleasure. Your nails dug into your sheets. It was too much. You were so close to breaking. You were…you were…

Your body exploded with ecstasy, juices gushing over his cock. Low, long moans, almost like howls, issued from your throat as you threw your head back. Your inner walls clenched powerfully around his knot, locking it within you.

Then it came. What your body was craving. Darrick threw his head back in a true howl as his thick hot cum filled your womb, searing its claim inside of you. His cum spurred your orgasm to even greater heights. Your eyes rolled back in your head, tongue lolling out, inner walls still clenching around him, drawing in every last ounce of cream. There was so much cum, you thought it would never end. You never wanted it to end. Yet, eventually, your bodies were spent.

Darrick’s knot still firmly resting inside of you, he rolled you both on your sides. His arms were around you, cradling you as you came down from the ecstatic high. His long, wet tongue tiredly but comfortingly lapped at your shoulder and neck.

While you still felt aroused, being filled with his cum and having a knot in you satisfied your primal urge to breed for now. After a few minutes, your mind started to return. What the fuck did you just do? What the fuck happened to you?

“Are you alright,” Darrick asked before you could voice your own concerns.

“Yes…I’m just confused…that’s never happened before. What is that cream doing to me?”

Darrick’s grip tightened around in comfort. “I think I know…there is this story the Elders tell. The first werewolves were created before the Division when our worlds were one. They were humans; warriors granted power by the spirits of nature to temporarily wield the spirit of the wolf to defend their homes. After the Division, the wolf's spirit was permanently bound to us. But we needed mates; most werewolves then were men, and the few that were women could not keep our populations going. So, the moon goddess Seluna took pity on us and let us transform others through sharing our essence…at first, all it required was for us to bite a human, but the sudden merging of wolf and human spirits drove many insane. Therefore, Seluna’s wife, Noctune, goddess of the night, took inspiration from her wife’s slow transformations each month. Sharing our essence would slowly introduce people - our mates or others we deemed worthy - to the wolf spirit so their humanity could adjust before it was made permanent. This also gave humans a chance to change their minds.”

“That’s a lovely story. So, you’re saying this cream is introducing me to werewolf essence? Wait, what is werewolf essence?”

Darrick chuckled a bit nervously. “Blood, saliva, and…” He gently thrust his hips, indicating his cum.

“Wait, so they’ve been covering me in werewolf - I hope - saliva? And that’s been changing my body?” You reeled at this new information. “Wait, so this is actually a heat?”

“Yeah. Usually, the exposure would be done by your mate, and you’d know what was going to happen, and they would help you through it.”

You were silent for a moment. “So, does this make us mates?”

Darrick chuckled nervously again. “We have mated, sure, and you’re going to need help getting through your heat. So, we can do it again. But, I mean, after, we don’t need to be…I mean  I think you’re pretty great. I was really disappointed when I thought you’d been claimed and I…”

“I wouldn’t mind trying to date after you finish helping me through this,” you told him, cutting off his adorable ramble. “If you want.”

There were several loud thumps from behind him as his tail wagged happily, hitting the bed. “I would like that.”

Comments and reblogs are appreciated.

Find more stories in my Masterlist

More Darrick stories: [In progress]

[lastoneout]

I know you meant well, and I understand the sentiment. But addiction is legitimately an issue with ADHD meds, and it is very very possible to become addicted to Adderall or other stimulants even with ADHD. I do agree that it is too tightly regulated, but I do think regulation is important, at least until there are more social changes and social programs that provide enough of a safety net to help with addiction. Thanks for listening, and I hope you're doing well ❤️

I appreciate it, but out of curiosity do you have a source? I've been researching this as best I can and I have not found anything backing up the claim that people with ADHD are at risk for addiction to their ADHD mediation. Lots of stuff saying people with ADHD are more prone to other kinds of substance abuse, especially when under-medicated or just not medicated at all, as well as lots of people with ADHD saying they used to have substance abuse problems before they knew they had ADHD and stimulant medication is what helped them recover. There are also loads of studies showing that being medicated from a young age actually drastically reduces your risk of developing a substance abuse disorder later in life.

When it comes to abusing stimulant medications it seems like the main issue there is people taking more than they were prescribed or taking it incorrectly, which is a problem obviously but is true of most prescription meds? I have been taking my methocarbomol wrong for like a month beause I misread the bottle, and I have to have a lot of pill organizers for my meds because my ADHD makes me forget I've taken them and if I forget I will take too much, but tbh at that point I'd figure they just need a higher dose and aren't getting it or need to pay more attention to the labels on the bottle, but I'd love to hear from those people and learn what their motivation was and what happened.

Looking at all my sources the general consensus continues to be that people with ADHD are at a such a low risk of becoming addicted to their stimulant medication it's barely worth talking about. To contrast that, the only sources I've found that do insist you can get addicted are private, for-profit addiction help centers(and randos on Quora) and I'm sorry, they have a very high incentive to convince people they have addiction issues and are very prone to lying(one page I found claims that a sign you're addicted to your ADHD meds is "not feeling alert when you don't take them" as if that's not just...what ADHD is?? and another says trying to refill them early is a sign of abuse when in reality not being able to refill them before you're completely out means we go days or even weeks without the medication due to pharmacies being slow or not having it on hand, it's not a sign of addiction to not want to have to go off the meds that make it possible for you to live your life), so I do not trust them as reliable sources. Not even kidding, no matter how I word it, when I search on google or duck duck go if a person with ADHD can become addicted to their own medication the only thing that comes up is for-profit addiction help centers and every page is full of blatant misinformation about ADHD that would take like two seconds to fix if they actually cared about anything other than making money.

On top of that, a lot of pages talking about this seem to be confusing needing a medication to treat your serious medical condition with being addicted to it. If you claim that someone with ADHD is addicted to their meds because without them they have trouble sleeping, can't focus at work/school, and that stopping cold turkey makes them feel awful then you just. You don't understand how ADHD works or what an addiction is. People with ADHD don't crash when they lose access to their meds because they were addicted, they crash because they have a serious medical condition that requires treatment and the treatment has stopped. Same shit if I was denied my inhaler while having an asthma attack to like prove I'm faking(which also does happen and gets children killed). Not sleeping, doing poorly in school or at work, being late all the time, not eating, feeling confused and tired? Those are symptoms of ADHD, not signs of addiction, and medication helps because you need it, not because it gets you high.

Also, according to a doctor who writes for ADDitude magazine(which tbh isn't perfect, but nothing is) says there have also haven't really been any studies on long-term stimulant use in people with ADHD aside from ones on being at a higher risk of addiction to other substances in folks with untreated ADHD, which doesn't mean there isn't some issue we don't know about for ADHDers specifically, but when looking at people who take stimulants for narcolepsy it seems like there are absolutely no long term negative health effects of taking a stimulant mediation THAT YOU NEED. Obviously if you don't need it you can get addicted and it can hurt you and if you have like...idk an allergy to it or a heart condition or the meds just aren't helping/are making things worse we should look at other options, but if you need a stimulant medication and don't have a medical condition that can be worsened by them, then it's completely safe and the risk of addiction to the medication itself is so small it's not even worth talking about or bringing up. Like everything coming up on this subject is talking about people with ADHD being prone to addiction to other things like opioids or alcohol, not their medication, and when they start the medication it helps them stop abusing other substances because they don't need them anymore, and all of the resources I can find on adderall addiction are aimed at helping people who do NOT have ADHD who are abusing the drug to get high or lose weight or do better in school.

I've also seen TONS of anecdotal stories from people with ADHD saying they wouldn't try to get high on adderall or any other stimulant medication because it doesn't get you high. Instead it makes you feel like complete shit and it's a waste of the already hard to access and very expensive meds we need to function, so there's no point in even trying to abuse them. And that's a history I share, when I started adderall they put me on WAY too high a dose and I just felt...eugh all the time. Too high a dose(or drinking too much coffee) gives me very bad brain fog and exhaustion and I disassociate and altogether just makes me feel like garbage, but when I got on the correct, lower dose all of that went away. I can't imagine trying to get high on them, I've been high on other things before(weed, opioids, benzos, benadryl) and that is NEVER what it feels like and it's not fun or relaxing or enjoyable, it just sucks. (Or well, the benadryl high also sucks, but still feels way more like a "high" than taking too high a dose of adderall and I could see someone doing it on purpose for fun, I cannot possibly fathom someone with ADHD enjoying taking too high a dose, the experience has no redeeming qualities.)

Anyway, I do appreciate you being nicer than the last person, and I'm going to keep doing my own research, but so far there is quite literally ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can find anywhere I've looked that suggests that getting addicted to stimulant medications when you have ADHD is common or even remotely likely to happen and is certainly not something anyone with ADHD needs to worry about. Still, I would love to see the sources you or anyone else have on the topic, because from where I'm standing this seems to be something that the average person or doctor doesn't need to be worrying about at all and the scaremongering just leads to people with ADHD suffering for no reason at all and being terrified of seeking help that would dramatically improve their lives with very little actual risk.

Edit: Also, yeah we should have better health resources for people who do become addicted to substances, but waiting to loosen the regulations around adderall based on unfounded claims that the people who need it are at risk of becoming addicted to it is getting people with ADHD killed ALL THE TIME because of how our conditions puts us at monumentally higher risk of injury, accidental death, and addictions to substances that actually harm us. I said it before and I will keep saying it, I would rather 1000 people get high on adderall than ever have a single person who truly needs it go without. We are being killed by this logic, our lives are proven less valuable than the lives of people who don't have ADHD and I will never support that. Decriminalize all drugs I am not and have never in my entire life been joking about that. When denied meds we need people turn to unsafe drugs and alcohol and then we die. Giving people who need medical help medical help is what prevents drug OD deaths. Everyone I know who has turned to street drugs did so because doctors refused to help them, I use marijuana to treat my insomnia because my doctors refused to give me sleeping meds due to the belief ambien is worse for me than never sleeping, and tons of people with ADHD suffer of addiction to dangerous and risky drugs from unregulated sources and they all say adderall is what fixed it. Denying us adderall is infinitly worse than just fucking giving it to us and not acting like a fucking Protestant obsessed with suffering to prove our virtue or whatever.

There is no argument for denying people the meds they need that isn't rooted in racism(the war on drugs, misconceptions about non-white bodies), misogyny(self-explanatory), transphobia(self-explanatory), and ableism(again, self-explanatory). Why should we, the people who are having our lives ruined all to protect abled people, have to sit down, shut up, and get treated like criminals to get the treatment we need, if we are granted it at all? Who on earth does punishing us like that help??

People with ADHD should not be collateral damage in the push to protect poor, precious abled people from maybe possibly getting addicted to adderall. That's wrong and it always will be.

[theboyzism]

[ATEEZ] friends with benefits | wooyoung

➳ genre: smut/suggestive, very light angst-ish? (minors dni!) ➳ ficstyle: bulletpoints ➳ pairing: fwb! wooyoung x reader (gn) ➳ warnings: friends with benefits relationship, very slight smut, dirty talk, jealousy, hint of angst pls let me know if there are any missing!

HOW IT STARTED

you knew your bestfriend was an attractive guy

you also became used to the fact that people would stare at wooyoung wherever you'd go out by now

though wooyoung and you hadn't met in a while due to his busy idol life, you still kept up via kakaotalk

and you didn't mind that he didn't even have time to call you most of the time

in fact you were just happy he was living his dream

but as a few months had gone by, you were even more happy that he finally was able to have time for you again

coming back from tour, the first thing he did is spent time with his family

and after returning back to seoul, wooyoung could not wait to meet up with you

just as you were about to leave the door, your friend called you up, asking if you had time to hang out

when you told them that you are getting ready to leave to finally meet up with wooyoung they nearly lost it

"jung wooyoung? i saw a video of him the other day, he went from good looking to straight up hot! he's like stupid hot now, idk how you're so chill around him"

you did what you always did when someone mentioned his good looks: simply just laughed it off

while being reunited with wooyoung felt like heaven

you were also more observant than usual

was it the longer hair?

the more defined arms and collarbones?

why did his throat look so sexy all of a sudden, simply sipping on a drink?

or was it the way he brushed his fingers past his pillow-like lips, small smirk plastered on his lips?

no matter what it was, you came to one major realization:

wooyoung was indeed stupid hot

"hello y/n, are you even listening to me?"

wooyoung had caught you staring a few times, obviously not listening to what came out of his mouth

and surprisingly it didn't bother him that his best friend was basically gobbling him up

no, even more so

he decided to have fun with it

blush crept across your face and you were quick to say that you were listening you just got lost in thoughts

"ah i thought you didn't pay any attention to what i said because you were too busy eye fucking me"

wooyoung was bold, you always knew that, but for some reason you felt the room getting hotter and hotter

you're face must've been completely flushed now, lips parted in shock

"so tell me, what exactly have you been fantasizing about the past few minutes i was talking to you?"

when you were a stuttering mess, trying to put a coherent sentence together, wooyoung let out a chuckle

"you know i can only give you what you want if you talk to me, baby"

you felt yourself getting dizzy the closer he was inching to you, almost like he was intoxicating

and sooner than you could think this through

you hooked up with your bestfriend

HOW IT WENT

there weren't any rules

except for one

he didn't want you to hook up or see someone else while you two were in your friends with benefits situation

he would call you up quite frequently

why do i think he has a high sex drive

he always gave you good after care

but he'd always leave right after

for others nothing much had changed

wooyoung loves physical touch, so nobody thought twice about the way he held you close

what they failed to notice though is where he sometimes would touch

if it was his hand cupping a feel of your butt

or how his hand would slide up your thigh under the table

for everyone else it would be a running joke how he calls you babe in public

and for anyone else it would've been risky how wooyoung was set on hooking up with you in the living room of the dorm, or even the dance practice studio

but for wooyoung it was something more

he loves the risk and thrill of possibly getting caught

secretly he even wanted to get caught

he wanted people to know the dirty things he does to you

HOW IT ENDED

wooyoung was definitely getting a little reckless

stealing kisses every once in a while when no-one was watching just to rile you up

or was it cause he simply couldn't resist you?

anyways, while at a movie night you hosted, your friend turned out to be the first one to catch up on your antics, pulling you aside

when they asked you what's going on with you and wooyoung, you had no other explanation except for the fact that he and your friend themselves got into your head, wooyoung was simply just your best friend

"y/n, i just stated the obvious. he is hot. but best friends don't fuck each other just because, especially with the way he's eyeing you the whole time"

and that was enough to send you into a spiral

fuck, did you have feelings for your best friend?

did he have feelings for you?

just looking at him made your heart do flips

wooyoung was excitedly patting the spot next to him, waiting for you to sit down again

swallowing the lump in your throat you decided it was a good time to get some space between you two, making your way over to sit next to yunho instead

the whole time you could feel wooyoung eyes staring while you tried to keep your eyes on the screen, occasionally laughing at the jokes yunho was telling you

while you didn't care about yunho's friendly nature and close proximity, wooyoung certainly did

you mentally cursed yourself when wooyoung was the one who insisted to stay behind to help you clean up

the two of you were engulfed in an awkward silence while doing the dishes

until his voice finally cut through the silence

"so what was the whole thing with yunho? do you like him or something?"

"what makes you think that?" you couldn't look at him, the spot on the plate being long gone, but you were still scrubbing it

wooyoung's hand sneaked on yours, making you stop, so he could finally take the clean plate from your hands and putting it down next to the sink

"well maybe cause you ignored me for him" he was starting to grow a little annoyed

there is one thing you learnt about wooyoung from all the time you've been friends

which was that when he got to a certain point, he was like a volcano waiting to bubble over any second now

before you could get a word out, wooyoung raised his voice a little

"wow, are you that desperate that you have to move to the next best person that shows any interest in you? and now you can't even say anything to defend yourself? is it because he's taller than me?"

you knew he was trying to hit where it hurts, and sadly it was working

"wooyoung, are you in love with me?"

when he snickered you could feel your heart break a little

"me in love with you? you're just my best friend, nothing more"

seeing your hurt expression instantly made him regret his harsh words

the way your heart broke made your thoughts race

he didn't love you

but you definitely had some sort of feelings for him

"i think you should leave, we both need some time apart" you saw him role his eyes at your words

for some reason you expected him to put up some sort of fight for you

but he didn't

he only agreed with your words and left, which was the last time you had heard from him in over a month

while you were ready to move on

he was surely not

too engulfed in his little jealousy outburst to realize his feelings from the beginning

just like it did for you when he was gone on tour,

distance truly made his heart grow fonder

[lavenderstobins]

The Cousland family in my main world state! Close-ups and details under the cut because I'm a little obsessed with them

Eleanor and Bryce

My warden Jaemi has brown skin and I wasn't particularly vibing with her looking adopted so I mainly played around with Eleanor so recreate her how I personally picture her. She grew up on the seas! Raised on a warship! There's next to no information on her actual family (afaik anyway) so I like to think her mother was from Rivain.

Bryce I didn't change too much aside from giving him brown eyes instead of blue. Also, considering the game made them look ancient when they're in their late 40s/early 50s, I made them look younger than the game does.

Fergus, Oriana and Oren

Fergus I tried to keep similar to his in-game appearance while also keeping him consistent with the redesigns of his parents and the appearance of Jaemi. He looks more like Bryce, but he has Eleanor's eyes and complexion.

Oriana is from Antiva, so I based her appearance more similarly to Josephine's, and her appearance in the mod Oriana Cousland of Antiva. Oren then is a mix of both of his parents.

Fergus later adopts Amethyne, Iona's daughter in the Denerim Alienage, and I think maybe he'd end up in a relationship with Nathaniel Howe but I'm still figuring all that out right now so they are currently missing from the tree </3

Jaemi, Alistair and their children

Jaemi, in the tree, is starting to show the effects of the Blight, but its progress has slowed considerably thanks to Avernus' research. I'm choosing to retcon 'Grey Wardens are basically infertile' since it's stupid and we have both Alistair and Kieran with no real explanation as to how Fiona managed to have him (to my knowledge).

Jaemi would keep her surname as she and Fergus are the only ones left of her family, but I think as queen she'd let her name be Theirin-Cousland. I do think that all of their children are Theirin-Cousland too, but with the favouritism shown to Calenhad's line they'd be known more as Theirins.

Alistair I think has pointy ears but they're not super visible. I kinda love the headcanon that Eamon had Alistair's ears clipped when he was a baby to hide his elven parentage, but idk if I want to incorporate that or not yet, and the sims hates elven ears anyway, so.

Eleanora is their firstborn child. She was conceived during the Blight (specifically during the long venture through the Deep Roads which is a little hilarious to me) and she was born sometime after Jaemi returned from Amaranthine in 9:31 Dragon. She's older than Kieran by a couple of months (Kieran and Morrigan aren't on the tree solely because I haven't recreated Kieran yet) and therefore the heir to Ferelden's throne. She's very headstrong and adventurous, like Jaemi, and Fergus jokes that it's karma for all the trouble she caused their mother.

Duncan is their secondborn and their first son. His full name is Duncan Bryce Theirin-Cousland, because Alistair wanted to honor Duncan and Jaemi wanted to honor her father. He's the complete opposite of his older sister, being a quiet bookworm and socially awkward. He was born a year or two after Eleanora in 9:33 Dragon.

Isobel, Rose and Lillian are triplets (obviously not identical). They were intended to be the third and final child, and Alistair briefly fainted when the third baby was delivered. They were born 9:35 Dragon.

At this point, Jaemi started her search for a cure for the Calling, though mainly it was research and communications via letters etc. Rhys, their second son and sixth child overall, was an unplanned baby, born in 9:39 Dragon.

When he turned two years old, Jaemi embarked on a journey to find a cure. As much as she didn't want to leave her family, she couldn't risk them losing her and Alistair to the Blight. Honestly, I think there could be some fuckery here with Eluvians, but I need to look into it further/

Their last child, Ffion, is born in 9:45 Dragon, after Jaemi has returned from her search. She wasn't exactly planned, either, but this time it was more of a "if it happens, it won't be unwanted" rather than actively trying for a baby. Her name being similar to Fiona's is unintential on their part, though I like to think sometime after this Alistair finds out about Fiona being his mother.

Eleanora and Lucanis

Eleanora is my Rook for this world state. She romances Lucanis and she's 'technically' a Grey Warden, by which I think she has a sort of immunity to the Blight on account of both of her parents being Grey Wardens. Also because the surname Thorne 1000% sounds like she went to say Theirin and then panicked because she didn't want to reveal her identity.

Everyone in the Veilguard assumes that she's an only child because she avoids the topic of her family (not wanting to accidentally reveal her heritage or, yknow, status of Heir to Ferelden's Throne). Lucanis definitely assumes her family is small, like his, so he has quite a surprise when she finally confesses everything to their group.

[anticanonsposts]

Old Ask

From an ask from a hot minute ago that I forgot about <3:

So the jist is what if the reader has some sort of wrist injury, König helping them out, and what sex would look like hehe, nsfw under the cut so mdni

ok so during the winter months it goe pretty slippery outside of your apartment/house and you ended up falling and getting a small fracture in your left wrist (I’m not a doctor so I will be speaking from my ass about what should actually be done about an injury like this) 

you were told to just go easy on it for 4-6 weeks 

however to König this meant treating you like you were in a full body cast for at least a week

based on the way he described your injury to others, you would think that you were brutally attacked by a wild dog and tumbled down an icy hill, but it's ok you love your little drama king <3

he helped you get dressed, while he left the fashion choices up to you, he physically helped

he helped you shower, he couldn’t let his darling strain themselves by scrubbing their body 

listen does he get side tracked a little bit when soaping up your chest…yes but who can blame him????

selfishly he really likes how much time you guys spend together while you are healing

he knows that there are things you want to accomplish and get done during this time, but he does appreciate that the injury makes you slow down and be a bit more present in the moment 

however, he also has to complete some tasks alone that he usually would do with you

for example, grocery stores let's be honest can be sensory hell for ANYONE let alone someone who would feel comfortable around Andre the Giant and struggles with social anxiety

but, like you are using this time to get better at slowing down, he uses this time to get better at things that usually would cause him quite a bit of distress

ok but when you do get better he wants to go back to doing these things with you since he enjoys them more when you are there, but his skill still grow

he also helps a lot with chores around the house

one time about two weeks into recovery he catches you trying to do dishes with one hand and promptly pouts and shoos you away from the sink 

ok now  your sex life was definitely complicated by this injury

seeing as you usually called the shots and there was no way he was going to manhandle you injured, you two made a couple small changes

when you were on top, you obviously could no physically pin his arms anymore so he had to be such a good boy for you and listen to you when you tell him not to move his hands from above his head

this drove him even more wild than any physical bondage ever could

he also whined a lot more since you gave him so much praise 

‘mmm’proud that you’re being so good for me right now baby’

‘I know all you wanna do is touch me but you’re listening so well’

his hips would rut up into you, but you let it slide since he was already being so good, and was so helpful to you while you were healing

now when he was on top, he insisted on just bringing you to the edge of the bed so that he could stand while he fucked you because he didn’t want to risk any further injury to your wrist

by week 3 you promised him that you’d be fine and he finally got on the bed with you and really drilled into you and let you have it 

because even if your wrist hurt, the least he could do is make the rest of you feel amazing 

also after sex before you were out of your brace/cast he would also check in to make sure your wrist was doing ok

he knows that you love it when he just grips onto you but he refuses to risk injury or pain 

P.s. i just headcanon that he really is not into pain, and I think if you showed true pain/discomfort during sex he would be turned off and not be into it at all

[daisyswift3]

🧩🍂🍁

Ok I could be completely wrong and seeing patterns that aren’t there (it wouldn’t be the first time) but I think Ed Sheeran and Sabrina Carpenter might come out tomorrow. I think they’re the next dominoes to cascade or FALL after Shawn Mendes. Let me explain

The 10th and 11th 🎃 messages -> Oct (10) and Nov (11) -> “the turn of the decade beFALLs the facade” -> “it was the end of a decade (the end of Oct or 10th month) but the start of an age” -> Change -> revolution/The Hunger Games ⚡️🏹😈🎯🔥 -> HALLOWEEN COSTUMES in the 11th 🎃 message -> Ed's gay little monkey meme costume and Elton John esque pfp (Goodbye Yellow Brick Road) and Sabrina's Tinkerbell costume 🧚 (Tinkerbell connects to the Peter Pan metaphor, growing up = coming out of the closet 🚪) (Sabrina is the one on the rollercoaster 🎢) -> Enchanted Forest and fairy wings 🧚 in 10th 🎃 message (OUT Of The Woods, “screaming color 🌈,” “somber woodland fairies”) -> “I hope your Halloween is enchanted” in 14th 🎃 message -> passing the torch/relay race/Paris Olympics/Nothing New, “she’ll know the way and then she’ll say she got the map from me” // “my bare hands paved their paths,” (x) -> Death with Dignity in Gracie’s playlists // Die With A Smile by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars // funerals 🖤 // my tears ricochet eras tour performance and visuals // Billie’s Hit Me Hard and Soft album cover which is her free falling out of a closet door and drowning in the deep end (the deep end in Gracie’s Risk and Under/Over, Lizzy’s Pushing It Down and Praying, “softer, harder, in between”, Gregory’s Mistakes, Guilty as Sin?, “you’ve made your bed now lie in it”) -> Castles Crumbling (PLURAL bc multiple artists’ castles are crumbling in this mass coming out, there’s an intentional ‘s typo which connects it to the “i’s” in the 14th 🎃 message and to all the other intentional glitches/errors) -> Lizzy’s All Falls Down -> Jump Then Fall -> Birds of a Feather/The Albatross -> 2nd 🎃 message -> Gregory’s The Fall and Before the Sun (55 mile signs and Gaga’s Smile being changed to sMILE on Spotify) (x) -> All Too Well (Sad Girl Autumn Version) bc autumn is FALL 🍂🍁 -> “autumn leaves FALLING DOWN like PIECES INTO PLACE” 🧩 -> “and all the pieces fall right into place” -> “and just like clockwork the dominoes cascaded in a line” -> Gracie’s Cool, “I'm actin' bored, it's my right, after all the love that you bombed” -> “tick tick tick of love bombs” -> tick tick tick BOOM 🧨🌋🕰️ (TNT, the reticent volcano) -> going back to the Halloween costumes, Taylor was dressed as a squirrel and there was Project Acorn bc the mass coming out movement (The Story of Us/The Manuscript/the film) is “nuts” lol (x) -> Ed Sheeran’s insta having an acorn and 🍂 for his Autumn Variations album -> Run ft Ed Sheeran (the relay race metaphor) -> Red being a FALL 🍂🍁 album

I think this all ties into the election too hence all the red, white, and blue and 4th of July easter eggs lately 🇺🇸 (Gregory’s Before the Sun mentions the 4th of July). And I think that’s why Karlie (Miss Americana, KARma) wore the Kill Bill costume 👀 -> Better Than Revenge Spotify canvas and TSMWEL eras tour visuals -> shattering glass ceilings -> “The Mountain: ‘You can say I like girls or boys; So call it what you want, call it what you want’” in the anon message -> Coldplay’s iAAM (i Am A Mountain): “I got this feeling that the ceiling is for bursting through…I got this feeling I can summon up lightning…Everyone taking aim, Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain” -> “Dear reader when you aim at the devil make sure you don’t miss” ⚡️🏹😈🎯🔥 -> The Archer/Katniss

[snail-speed]

If you're going to submit a ticket or ban appeal to the staff of the BlushCrunch server, please read this post beforehand! I have evidence to believe the staff replies to tickets with AI-generated responses.

Here is a Reddit mirror in case you want to talk about the issue over there.

The full post is going to be under a read more as it's quite lengthy, I need to give full context.

Context: This happened in a ticket meant to appeal the permanent ban of Merk from the Cupcake Ponies group.

For those who don't know, Merk was the main distractor in a Glitched WR run that reached Floor 400. In said run, the team used the "stealth glitch", a bug that has been in the game since at least the Sprout update and that is incredibly easy to trigger (it requires a player to eat gumballs and two stealth candies in quick succession). The glitch changed Merk's Stealth stat, allowing him to keep aggro more easily despite being a Pebble player.

About the Glitch: Merk, as well as another member of the team, was streaming the run, and answered the questions of viewers that were curious about the glitch used. Since up until that day BlushCrunch had never considered the usage of glitches as cheating/exploiting, Merk and the rest of the team felt comfortable streaming the attempt and discussing the glitch openly. When the run was over, however, the entire team was hit with a ban under the excuse of "exploiting". The rest of the Cupcake Ponies were hit with a month long ban (with permanent bans from the BlushCrunch server days later when the staff deemed their reaction to the ban as proof they didn't want to belong to the game's community), but Merk was given a permanent ban on the reasoning of him being the one using the glitch on himself.

There has been a lot of misinformation spread about the glitch, specifically in its usage in this Glitched WR run. The change in Stealth is minimal, measured in differences of decimals, meaning whoever is glitched can't guarantee they'll maintain aggro if their teammates get too close to them. It also prevents tactics such as "passing" (the act of trading twisteds between distractors) from happening, meaning the glitch still poses a risk to the affected player, even if it was triggered intentionally.

It should be noted that the glitch has been reported by users over at BlushCrunch's bug-reports channel for months, even since its first discovery, by several different users. This is because, despite what's been implied of the glitch by members and staff of the BlushCrunch server, the glitch is extremely easy to trigger on accident, and has been responsible for several instances of unintended game behavior that has ruined runs for hundreds of players.

Another thing of note is the further elaboration on BlushCrunch's stance on glitches and competitive/long runs prior to this incident. Other glitches in the past, some much more severe than the stealth glitch, have never warranted moderation action from part of the staff. There's even been instances where glitches were deliberately used for competitive runs, such as the days when Toy Kit was bugged, which never warranted punishment despite being discussed and recorded.

AI Usage: Back to the topic of the ticket. Shrimp (a close friend of Merk) and I volunteered to help create an appeal to Merk's permanent ban, hoping to reduce the punishment to a month long ban using similar arguments to those I've featured in this post.

The tone of the responses was cordial and understanding at first, and we genuinely believed that we could reach a middle ground at the start. However, when it was the staff's turn to reply, we waited for nearly three days.

Yesterday, we finally got a response, but the difference in tone and formatting was shocking to say the least. Shrimp and Merk's arguments were cherrypicked, and several of our concerns were completely ignored. The staff had gone from a seemingly open party to one that was clearly using the power imbalance to shut down the discussion (which is something I pointed out and got ignored). Not to mention the fact that some responses seemed to imply a lack of knowledge of the game from the staff's part, as well as false statements that could be easily debunked.

The ticket was closed with zero progress made, though after the fact we began to share screenshots of the responses with friends, who pointed out something rather concerning.

Take a look at the way this response is formatted. Previous responses from the staff in the ticket were not formatted this way, which is something we noticed due to the use of punctuation marks that weren't previously used.

This term in particular has never been used to describe the game before, either. It also implies that AFK spots were always intended as part of the game, when a quick look at the statements made by staff about them on public channels shows that they're unintended and were even patched out at times.

There's also bizarre formatting choices, like this example being italicized despite other quotes in the reply not being formatted as such.

A friend of mine used ChatGPT to attempt to generate a similar response. After using a prompt that requested the AI to refute one of the posts Merk had sent in the ticket, this what was created. It's extremely similar, isn't it?

What Does This Mean? Quite frankly? Aside from the obvious, that being that the staff was disrespectful enough to not even bother answering us with a reply written by humans, I'm not quite sure.

This isn't something that bodes well for the state of moderation from BlushCrunch's part. While there's been instances in the past where I've experienced and read other players' experiences with unprofessionalism in these tickets from part of the staff, they have all been clearly typed by humans.

All I can do is simply spread the word about this issue regarding moderation as I'm doing right now, as well as ask you to share if you have screenshots of ticket responses that have similarly suspicious formatting.

Thank you for reading.

[just-a-queer-fanboy]

Petition against KOSA.

More information under the cut.

This bill hides behind the facade of protecting children on the internet. However, the way it intends to do so is through censoring content such as queer resources, sex education, and with how our government is going, may censor activist content about what is going on in places like Palestine or Congo.

Learn more:

One idea proposed is making it required for most websites to require government ID (ex: drivers license) to make an account. Combined with the many bills framing drag, trans rights, or queer resources as child sexual abuse, queer people online could be wrongfully prosecuted under the basis of being child predators.

Not only is this bill harmful and immoral, it is straight up unconstitutional.

The first amendment of the US constitution grants all citizens the freedom of speech, freedom to petition, freedom of the press, and freedom to assembly. It also grants freedom of religious practice, but that doesn't appear to be affected by this bill from what I know.

This bill completely violates our granted right to the freedom of speech, petition, press, and assembly. This is a thinly veiled censorship bill under the guise of protecting children.

As this bill coincides with the suppression of free palestine protests and activism, anti boycott laws, anti queer bills and laws, and the introduction of project 2025, the United Statres continues to descend into censorship and white supremacy.

US CITIZENS: CALL YOUR LAWMAKERS AND TELL THEM YOU OPPOSE KOSA. FOR SOME OF US, IT IS OUR ONLY FORM OF ACTIVISM.

I know I typically don't make my own posts on large political issues, but as I live in the US, I am closer to the issue and can do more.

[lance-space-mommy]

Revel in my Greatness

Just when life seemed to be going upward for Midoriya, chaos had to ensue.

Midoriya was happy he got into UA High School. He was bullied for being a plain looking nerd all his life so at least he could say being a nerd got him into the best school in Japan. He convinced himself it was because he was perceived as an easy target and nothing they said held any weight.

So what if he had freckles? It didn’t matter that his hair was untamable and he had a babyface. It wasn’t like he was in control of his appearance.

Of course the same line of thinking didn’t apply to him being a bookworm. He couldn’t help it and he didn’t want to change a thing. He loved reading, studying, and growing smarter with each passing day. Education and knowledge was far more powerful than being popular.

None of that mattered once he entered the most prodigious school in all of Japan. Only the smartest people in the world got a chance to attend. Sure, a person may want to present themselves in the way they want to be perceived, but no one was getting into the school just because they were popular or they had status.

After their first round of exams passed, students' rankings were announced. Midoriya was ranked fourth in his class of twenty. He did his best, but he also focused on maintaining a social life and worked out daily.

Meanwhile Momo Yaoyorozu, number one, and Tenya Iida, number two, focused a lot more time on studying and less on other aspects of their life. Bakugo, who placed third, studied a lot, but also prioritized sleep.

It was a miracle Midoriya was so smart and it was a mystery to him how he managed to keep his rank at number four. He was always doing something and mainly studied enough to get by. He supposed he was gifted to a degree, but tried to avoid thinking of himself in such a way. It was disrespectful to his friends.

On the topic of friends, everyone in class 1-A loved Midoriya. He was passionate, charismatic, and humble. To many in the class, it was refreshing to talk to someone so goofy, but down to earth at the same time.

Within the first month of being at the school, Midoriya had bonded with everyone but Bakugo. That was to be expected.

Bakugo was Midoriya’s childhood rival. Ever since they were young, Bakugo has been insistent on making everything a competition. Midoriya didn’t mind, but he always wondered what made Bakugo so hateful toward him.

It was hard to swallow, but Midoriya knew the only reason he was bullied growing up was because of Bakugo. If Bakugo hadn’t been so cruel, his old classmates wouldn’t have targeted him. Still, Midoriya could have punched Bakugo in the face, but he wasn’t going to risk his record.

Uraraka was the first person Midoriya became friends with. They met the day of the entry exam. She stopped him from falling. The entrance exam consisted of two parts: a written exam and a practical section.

The practical section consisted of five intelligence based challenges a duo had to complete under a short time frame. Uraraka and Midoriya chose one another and he helped her pass when he carried the partner section of the exam. She made some great points, but the pressure of the challenges being timed frazzled her.

Todoroki was quiet and withdrawn. Midoriya was worried why he was so bitter and later helped him out in the middle of an important debate. Midoriya was stern, but genuine when he disciplined Todoroki on his attitude. The two were inseparable ever since.

Iida and Midoriya got along for multiple reasons. They were both academic scholars, they always seemed to help each other grow even during the moments when they butted heads. Midoriya even saved Iida when he was planning to use his skills to blackmail his brother's workplace when they unfairly fired Tensei.

Those were just three people in the class Midoriya bonded with. Midoriya also got along with Ojiro, Tokoyami, Tsuyu, Kirishima, and the rest of the long list.

Despite how popular Midoriya was, no one really knew about his hobbies. Midoriya was a comic book nerd and loved doing hero analysis. Many people knew he liked analyzing things, but he never specified what.

No one knew Midoriya worked out either. The school uniforms hid away each perfectly developed muscle he trained hard for. Midoriya spent two hours every day at the school's gym. UA High was a large boarding school so it made sense they had a bunch of random facilities.

Sure students could leave campus, but offering different options for the students was for their safety. While it was horrible, there were people who would attempt to rob the students. UA High did have a stigma that only rich people attended. At least that’s what the parents of the teens who didn’t pass would convince themselves.

There were a couple of students who regularly trained at the gym that Midoriya became friends with. Mirio Togata was the main person Midoriya talked to and he was a third year. Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu, in class 1-B, was another person who Midoriya often saw at the gym, but they weren’t close.

Midoriya was minding his business, happily talking with Todoroki, Uraraka, and Kirishima in between classes. Suddenly someone came up to the group with a phone and a strange gadget.

“Midoriya!” shouted the random person with a chipper tone.

“Hello! What can I do for you?” questioned Midoriya, turning his attention to the mystery individual.

The girl with long periwinkle hair flashed a bright smile. “Mirio was telling me all about you and I just have to know your result!”

“Oh, you must be Nejire! What result are you talking about?” reiterated Midoriya, still confused about what she could want.

“Your grip strength. Mirio just bought this to track his progress and said he was curious about your score,” explained Nejire, holding up a grip strength hand trainer.

Midoriya flashed a smile, happily taking the instrument from Nejire. “Okay! Let me do this quickly.”

Uraraka, Kirishima, and Todoroki were confused. They recalled that Mirio was part of the big three, but they’d never met him before. The three were mainly shocked that Midoriya knew Mirio.

Kirishima pulled out his phone to record the exchange. The class may or may not have had a group chat without Midoriya in it to gush about everything he did. This was going to be one of the things they talked about.

Uraraka and Todoroki were busy watching Midoriya squeeze the grip strength hand trainer. Midoriya bent his elbow and squeezed tight, eyes closing and he tried to not grit his teeth too hard.

Letting out a sharp breath when he was done, he looked at it before turning it to Nejire. “A little over sixty kilograms!”

Nejire’s jaw dropped. Todoroki’s jaw dropped. Uraraka’s jaw dropped, Kirishima’s jaw dropped.

“Thank you! Gotta go,” shouted Nejire before bolting away in excitement.

“Of course!” called out Midoriya with urgency, a bit startled by her sudden evacuation.

Midoriya turned back to his friends, bowing. “Sorry for interrupting our conversation! Anyways, you were talking about Mina throwing a banana at Kaminari.”

Kirishima held up a hand, forcing Midoriya to pause. “Hold on dude. You have a grip strength of sixty kilograms! What the hell?”

“What? Is that bad?” asked Midoriya in a panic, worried he disappointed his friend.

Kirishima shook his head dramatically with wide eyes. “That’s super good! I’ve never met someone who’s even gotten close to the score you just got. You work out?”

“Yeah! I do cardio in the morning and I weight train two hours later in the day,” revealed Midoriya shyly. He didn’t think anyone would find that aspect of his life interesting.

“So that’s why you seem to disappear!” gasped Uraraka, connecting the dots. “I find it kind of amazing that you manage to dedicate two hours every day to working out.”

“Could you lift me?” asked Todoroki curiously, not bothering to try and hide his intentions.

Midoriya smiled, holding a thumbs up. “Yes! I can do it after school if you’d like.”

Todoroki nodded with a small grin. “Please.”

Kirishima jabbed a thumb to his chest as he shouted. “Me too!”

“Me three!” pitched in Uraraka, more than happy to be lifted like a princess.

A warmth flooded Midoriya as his friends showed interest in what he put a lot of effort into. Still the conversation made heat rush to his face. It wasn’t everyday he got this kind of attention.

Midoriya kept his promise, but the rest of class 1-A was quickly filled in. Bakugo was pissed by the news. He couldn’t believe Midoriya was somehow one step ahead of him. Marching to the gym, Bakugo could already tell it was empty except for Midoriya.

Walking into the large area filled with untouched equipment, Bakugo spotted Midoriya in the back. He made his way over, ready to shout and tease Midoriya when he was stopped in his tracks.

The sight in front of Bakugo was godly. Midoriya had a barbell with an insane amount of weight on it. Midoriya seemed unbothered as he back squatted the large amount of weight. Midoriya was wearing some gym shorts and a baggy tee shirt, but Bakugo could see enough.

When Midoriya squatted, he brought his knees over his toes. Midoriya also hit incredible depth with his butt just inches above the ground. Bakugo watched as Midoriya’s shorts rode up enough to show his leg muscles flexing. Midoriya was mainly training his quads so Bakugo got a good look at just how impressive the muscles were.

Bakugo couldn’t even feel mad about Midoriya’s muscles because it was clear Midoriya worked incredibly hard to get to this point. Still, Bakugo would find a way to poke fun at Midoriya.

When Midoriya racked the barbell, Bakugo stalked forward with a smile.

Midoriya noticed Bakugo and quickly slipped off his headphones. “Kacchan!”

“So the rumors are true. You are a meathead,” remarked Bakugo, smirking as he crossed his arms.

Midoriya sat down his headphones and grabbed his water. It was nearing the end of his workout so a break was greatly appreciated. “Rumors?”

Bakugo stopped a couple feet before Midoriya and rolled his eyes. “The extras were showing everyone videos of you lifting them and the grip strength shit.”

Midoriya’s hand rose to cover his face as his heart began pounding in his chest. “Oh god. They recorded that?”

“They sure as hell did Nerd.”

“This is so embarrassing. I don’t want people knowing I work out,” cried Midoriya, throwing his head back.

Bakugo raised a brow, crossing his arms. “The fuck… why not?”

Midoriya swallowed hard before sitting down on a bench. “It’s stupid. You’d make fun of me.”

“Probably, but I still want to know,” admitted Bakugo, walking to stand before Midoriya again.

“I’m insecure of my body. I always felt too skinny and that clothes fit me weird. So I started training to gain weight. I guess I’m still not satisfied and I’m worried everyone will start making assumptions or begin to have an opinion on my body,” rambled Midoriya, struggling to explain what exactly he was feeling and thinking.

Bakugo rolled his eyes before kicking Midoriya’s leg. “You’re an idiot.”

“Waa-chan!” yelped Midoriya as he threw his legs away from Bakugo’s direction.

“Why does anyone's opinion of your body matter? You’re already smarter than all those losers so you should be more worried about them taking advantage of your mind,” commented Bakugo, trying to process the fact Midoriya didn’t like his body.

Midoriya wilted where he was sitting, bowing his head as he rocked his feet back and forth on the heels before he sighed, “You’re right.”

Bakugo was quiet for a moment, already regretting what he was about to say. “Your body is fine the way it is and anyone would be jealous of your legs.”

“You think so? I always try to hide them,” confessed Midoriya, looking down at his muscular thighs.

“You shouldn’t. If I had a body like yours I’d show it off. If anyone has a problem with your body, that's a personal problem and has nothing to do with you,” argued Bakugo, getting irritated at the mere thought of someone picking on Midoriya for his body.

“That’s… really nice of you to say. Thank you, Kacchan. It means a lot, truly,” thanked Midoriya with a small, flattered smile as he stared up at Bakugo through his eyelashes.

Bakugo felt his cheeks heat up and he was quick to have another explosive outburst as he barked, “Shut it Deku! If you keep spending all your time training you’ll never be number one.”

Midoriya suddenly felt a little bold and teased Bakugo back. “It wouldn’t matter anyways, you’ll always be the best.”

“Damn right!” shouted Bakugo, quickly turning on his heel and leaving the gym. As he made his way to the door, his mind was racing.

No way in hell am I going to stay here and get all soft and cheesy for Deku of all people. Not a fucking chance.

Bakugo thought this to himself as he saved the pictures and videos he just took of Midoriya working out to his hidden folder. The groupchat could starve for once.

Bakugo may have gotten the privilege of stalking Midoriya in the gym, but everyone in class 1-A got the blessing of seeing Midoriya’s muscles. After Bakugo complimented Midoriya, Midoriya was given the confidence to wear shorts around the dorms.

Besides, he happily lifted Todoroki, Uraraka, and Kirishima outside all at once. The entire class was able to watch him activate a large portion of his impressive muscles without even seeming a bit overwhelmed by carrying three people. Many pictures were taken.

Uraraka, Todoroki, and Kirishima may or may not have set one of the pictures taken as their phone background.

“Wow, Midoriya’s legs are impressive,” commented Jiro one afternoon as she was eating yogurt.

“Your welcome,” grumbled Bakugo, before stuffing his face with curry.

Everyone in the kitchen shot their gaze to Bakugo before looking to where Midoriya was standing. Suddenly the kitchen was filled with countless Midoriya lovers shouting. “What!”

Midoriya smiled bashfully while Bakugo laughed at the rest of the group's frustration. Midoriya walked away, no longer hiding his smirk. He’ll never let a soul know he set the entire situation up.

That’s how you remain humble while establishing dominance.

[malecdiscordserver]

Calling all Shadowhunters creators--it's time to dust off your notebooks, sketchbooks, laptops, drawing tablets, and other creative instruments.

Welcome to By the Angel Bingo!

What is By the Angel Bingo? By the Angel Bingo is a Shadowhunters-themed event where you request a grid of prompts in the layout of a bingo board. The goal is to fill the prompts until you get a traditional bingo (filling 3 or 5 in a row, column, or diagonally) or until you blackout your entire board! 

Do I have to be a part of the Malec Discord Server to sign up? No, being a part of the Malec Discord Server Community is not required to be a part of this event, but it is highly encouraged if you’re looking for friends to bounce ideas off of, if you need help finding a beta reader, or if you’re just looking for Shadow Fam to hang out with. 

What is the schedule?

Sign-ups open: February 1st

Sign-ups close: February 29th

Last day to request prompt changes: March 31st

Masterpost due by: September 30th

Have more questions? Join the Malec Discord Server or keep reading under the cut for official rules, minimum requirements, and other FAQs!

How will it work? On Thursday, February 1st, sign-ups will open for a bingo card. In your sign-up, you will be asked a few questions including what size bingo card you’d like (3x3 or 5x5). You will then receive a bingo card from one of the Mods to your preferred method of contact within 3-5 days. Sign-ups will remain open until Thursday, February 29th. From there, you’ll have until Monday, September 30, to complete what you can on your bingo card! 

What if I don’t like my prompts? You may request 3 (for 3x3 cards) or 5 (for 5x5 cards) replacement prompts at one time. If you need more than 3-5 prompts replaced, you will be sent an entirely new card. This can only happen once. If you receive a new card, you can request 3-5 replacement prompts again for the last time. You can request changes to your board until March 31st, a month after sign-ups close. 

Can I sign up if I’m under 18? Yes! Anyone is able to receive a bingo card, but you must be over the age of 18 to request NSFW prompts or submit NSFW fills. You also must be over the age of 16 to join the Malec Server. 

Are there any content restrictions? This bingo is open to all creations; fic, art, gifs, videos, moodboards, playlists, cosplay, physical art, etc. All bingo fills must be Shadowhunters-related. Any ships/characters/ratings are permitted as long as they are properly tagged. RPF is not allowed for this event. 

Am I required to get a bingo or blackout my card? Not at all! You can fill as little or as many prompts as you have the time/energy to complete. This is low to no stress. Low risk, high reward. HAVE FUN. 

Can I combine prompts? Each prompt needs to be its own fill, but you can post a multi-chapter fic or art series with one prompt per chapter/piece. 

What if I black out my entire card before the final posting date? Congrats! You did it! You can either be done OR ask for a second bingo card. 

Minimum requirements: 

Fic: 500 words

Digital/physical art: 1 piece

Photomanipulation: 1 piece

Gifsets: 2 gifs

Moodboards: 4 images

Video: 30 seconds

Playlists: 10 songs 

Podfic: 500 words (with author’s permission)

Rules: 

You must be over 18 to request NSFW prompts and submit NSFW fills. You have to be over 16 to join the Malec Server. 

Any Shadowhunters-related ships/characters/ratings are permitted as long as they are tagged appropriately. 

You may create works based off of the show, books, or movies, but no RPF is allowed. 

You may request a 3x3 card (8 prompts) or a 5x5 card (24 prompts). 

You may request 3 (for 3x3) or 5 (for 5x5) replacement prompts at one time. 

If you need more than 3-5 prompts replaced, you will be sent an entirely new card.

This can only happen once. If you receive a new card, you can request 3-5 replacement prompts again for the last time. 

You can request changes to your board until March 31st, a month after sign-ups close. 

Each card has one “FREE SPACE” to be used as a wildcard where you can submit any creation that follows the rules of the event.

Each prompt needs to be its own completed fill, but you can post a multi-chapter fic or art series with one prompt per chapter/piece.

Each fill must be NEW during the bingo posting period. No past creations may be used as a fill.

Fills can be combined with other events (i.e. Femslash February, Any Fandom Bingo, Trope-specific bingos, etc.) only if the other event allows it and you meet the minimum requirements for both events.

Prompts can be interpreted as literally or figuratively as you like (I.e. A/B/O meaning a frat house, or falling to your knees in the sense of lust, despair, clumsiness, etc.) If you think it fits, it probably fits. 

All bingo fills must be added to the AO3 collection. If posted on Tumblr/Twitter, the Malec Discord Server must be tagged (@malecdiscordserver/@MalecServer).

If you are participating in this bingo, you are not allowed to shame any ships/kinks/characters/content of any kind created by other participants. Failure to follow this rule may lead to a lifetime ban of Malec Discord Server-run events. We’re in this for a good time, not a dramatic time. 

[peijizerojournal]

2024/5/24 ❅ “honeymoon” and “the lin kuei archives” update

Let me preface this update by emphasizing that this is just an example and explanation of why I have chosen to not allow the internet to see my Mortal Kombat 1 works anymore. I have no intent to instigate any drama or anything of that nature. I'm just getting some things off my chest here, and then I will likely never write a post about this again.

Thanks to another “Lin Kuei Archives” reader, I’ve been informed of another 'questionable' post that mimicks my original work. I will not be linking it or mentioning the name of the tumblr account, but for those who regularly browse the ‘Bi-Han’ or the 'bi han x reader' tags, you will have likely seen it already as it was posted in the last couple of days.

In short, the post reads as an almost complete, ordered summarization of “The Lin Kuei Archives: Sub-Zero” (part 1 of TLKA series) which I completed in November 2023. From beginning to end. Even the epilogue. Even the little things. The only real differences being Reader herself and a few other things. But, essentially — in so many words — it is the bullet point version of my story down to even the most minute details. It is not the first time I come across something like this, and I'm usually one to brush it off, however this time it's gotten under my skin a bit more than expected.

For the readers that have been wondering about the issues I've been facing in the last several months, or if there even has been an issue in the first place: well, in short, it’s cases like this that have been particularly tiresome.

Oneshots, headcanons and stylized ficlets that have been structurally twisted with a few changes here and there are often hard to find and are sometimes buried in the tags. These are almost impossible to deal with since they are inherently different in terms of formatting, but if you are familiar with my story and read part one especially, you’ll be able to recognize it right away, as the reader who notified me of it was able to. From things such as Bi-Han’s reluctant hospitality towards our dear reader (who also happens to be staying with the Lin Kuei at the request of Liu Kang, hmm) to specifics like 'brunch in the gardens.'

(These are the only references to the post that I'll make. I really don't want to give the poster any more of my attention.)

Unfortunately, it is always Part 1 that is making its rounds, as during its tenure, it reached quite a broad audience of viewership. I also left it unlocked and open for all eyes to see for quite sometime; having only restricted it on AO3 sometime in March 2024 before hiding it just last month on the 16th (when I posted the original series update.)

I know that there is a reasonable amount of risk that must be considered with sharing your work on the web so openly like this, but let this be an example for anyone out there who wants to post their work to AO3 and Tumblr, especially: Not all who are subscribed to your fic have the best intentions. And -- on the other end of the spectrum -- your work may and likely will influence others’ creations, and you’ll have to come to terms with that or at least accept it/be okay with it. Once even a few eyeballs have glazed over it, that’s that, really. Your work will be out there for the taking, and, to some extent, you’ll lose creative control over it.

I have come across other authors and fics that have taken inspiration from my own and some have given credit while others have put enough of their own spin on it to the point where the similarities are irrelevant. I am not naive: I know perfectly well that it’s possible for two individuals to have shared ideas and similar plotlines, even eerily so. Coincidences happen. That's life.

But stuff like this, in my eyes, is too adjacent to go unnoticed. When it’s condensed like this with a smattering of very specific details interwoven within, it makes it hard for me to defend myself, as I would basically have to screenshot or repost or publicize my entire fic again. And — knowing that there are a few people out there who have routinely tried to circulate my work on other websites — I am simply too terrified to do that, as I know “Honeymoon” and the other parts might instantly be downloaded the moment I choose to make them public again.

(Further info on this: when you privatize your work in an AO3 collection, as I have, the moment I list it as ‘revealed,’ all who are subscribed to me or my fic will receive email notifications that there’s an update, even if there is no new chapter. I hope that makes sense. For anyone who wants/needs to privatize their work on AO3 for whatever reason, this blog post does a great job explaining the process.)

Maybe I’m too old-school or sensitive or paranoid for modern fandom culture… but to that one anon that told me “this happens, too bad:” well, it’s this sort of thing that makes me want to protect “Honeymoon” and prevent the entire series from seeing the light of day ever again. As of right now, it will likely stay hidden on AO3 indefinitely. I have never cross-posted and do not cross-post anywhere, so if anyone ever sees the entire fanfic anywhere at all, please reach out to me and let me know.

If you are a trusted reader/friend/mutual of mine, chances are you already have access to the story and that’s all that matters to me. 🩵 And if you were a regular reader-commenter, I appreciate you so much and thank you deeply for your engagement, insight and support over the last several months. 🤍 Thanks for reading and I hope all have been having a lovely spring season so far. xo

[nobodysdaydreams]

🚀

Oh boy oh boy a Wolf359 fic snippet ask!

I do have to warn you anon, this next fic is gonna take a long time to write. The words keep on coming, and it might be months before I have the time to really write it out. But I do have the introduction. It's quite long, but I think you, and even some of my non-Wolf359 mutuals might enjoy it:

What would you do if you woke up with amnesia and were told that in a previous life, not so long ago, you were one of the worst people who’d ever lived? Not just criminal bad, but “evil dictator major unspeakable human rights violations” bad?

You’d say sorry, of course. What else is there to say but sorry? You don’t remember what led you to that and you can’t exactly argue with the people around you or object that what they say is untrue, because after all, you don’t remember anything, it’s not like you can prove them wrong when faced with the evidence. Tapes and recordings of a person who sounds like you, looks like you, and you know must be you, but who is also the most awful, heartless, horrifying individual your imagination could ever picture.

What do you do when faced with something like that, but with no way to deny it, no way to know why you were like this, and no knowledge or idea of what to do next?

You do what so many people with cognitive difficulties, memory loss, and impaired abilities do when they find themselves unable to live without the assistance of others. You acquiesce. You do whatever others they tell you to do, and you agree and accept whatever information they give you, like a dependent child who still has no idea how the world works and relies on adults to explain things to them. Obedience, submission, and compliance, for as dangerous as they are, can be a surprisingly effective survival strategy, especially when you have limited abilities and information. It’s actually a fairly common survival strategy that most humans use, to some extent, every day, whether they wish to acknowledge it or not. You trust that experts give you the correct information on subjects you are unfamiliar with, you trust translators to give you an accurate translation of words in languages you don’t understand, and you trust that those you depend on would not lead you astray. After all, the lure of complete control and independence, as tempting as it is, fails when one is forced to consider their own limitations and the fact that they can accomplish much more when through mutual reliance on others than they can by themselves, despite the risk of being used.

But in this particular thought experiment, the people you acquiesce to are not family, friends, or even trusted coworkers or qualified professionals. They are your self-declared enemies, who readily admit to having hated you for what you did to them, who have set up a situation in which you find yourself completely dependent on them due to your complete lack of memory, and also entirely in their debt for their forgiveness of who you were. Trusting what they tell you seems foolish. Why would they be so forgiving if you’d really hurt them and those they loved as much as they claim you did? Surely something must be awry. But your compliance is still what you need to survive, and so you do comply, and it works, or at least, it gets you to a certain point. A point of survival, acceptance, comfort, and as the years go on, perhaps even little moments of joy and friendship, or at least, as much friendship and goodwill as can be expected under the circumstances. But in the back of your mind, you always question their intentions. Whether you can really trust the self-proclaimed benevolent strangers who have taken charge of you, a heartless monster, and given you new life or rather, from your perspective, your only life.

Edit: Finished Chapter 1!: