#also the mentally ill loneliness epidemic

[bpdohwhatajoy]

Enough about the male loneliness epidemic when will we speak about the actual one aka the autistic loneliness epidemic

[writingsforwinter]

I don't much pay attention to critique of my writing because everyone is entitled to their opinions of my work and those opinions are valid. I don't always like my own work, either.

However, the way that men talk about my work is sometimes particularly frustrating to me because of the way that those critiques are much more targeted and personal than the critiques that women make. This is a comment a man made about my poem "The Morning After I Killed Myself," a poem I wrote at age 21 after leaving an abusive relationship and attempting suicide nearly 5 times in under 4 months. Most of the attempts were near-fatal. I think that easily sums up the motivation behind the poem, none of which even remotely involved a desire to promote "shock value."

"Manipulative" is a word that is disproportionately used to refer to women, along with words like "deceitful." In this comment there is an automatic assumption that I, a woman writer, am exploiting issues of mental health for my own personal gain. Amid a public narrative that insists men are enduring a "male loneliness epidemic," women's mental health is often dismissed, ignored, downplayed, and entirely negated. We are often portrayed as crazy, hysterical, unstable, and all the words in this comment, which ironically equates womanhood with being mentally ill while simultaneously pretending that only men suffer from mental health issues.

Yes, it's just a comment. Yes, he's just a stranger. But I also remember the man who made a disparaging comment about my first book of poetry, Survival Songs, released in 2013. He mocked my writing and said "It sounds like it was written by a teenager."

It was. I was 18.

[sophieinwonderland]

Now, why would you dare me to embarrass you and your pals like that?

I appreciate how you wanted my attention so bad you posted me to not one, but two subreddits.

Makes a girl feel special! 🤣

I have actually never seen Wikipedia cited as a source about endogenic plurality. Though I do see anti-endos all the time, when asked for sources, telling people to just Google things.

Anyway, here's @guardianssystem's document filled with academic papers about endogenic plurality:

I've compiled my own, but honestly, theirs is better organized than mine.

And in the interest of fairness, here are all the anti-endo papers debunking endogenic plurality:

Sorry, I forgot. Those don't exist. Oops. 🤷‍♀️

Echo chamber? LOL!

Weren't you the one spouting a bunch of lies on Tumblr, got totally debunked, posted the people who debunked you to r/systemscringe to have a hugbox where fakeclaimers could assure you how the people who contradicted you are all fakers, and then blocked everyone who disagreed with you?

Weren't you also the one who, when shown a quote from an expert in dissociative disorders who worked on the DSM-5 saying that a disorder isn't a disorder if it doesn't cause distress, argued that the people who defined what disorder are must be wrong about that definition?

You're a misinformation machine who can only find support when huddled in cringe subreddits. Don't try to talk about people in echo chambers.

Also, you know most of psychology is just... listening to people? That's how it's been as long as the field existed. DID (or MPD at the time) was a recognized disorder since long before the first brain scans were conducted on DID patients. It's saying something though when basically every single scientist who has ever researched endogenic plurality has said they believe it's a real thing, or that it could be. While absolutely zero academic papers have expressed that it's fake.

There is also an fMRI study into tulpa systems that's been in the works, but results have yet to be published.

Sure, if that's what you'd like me to call you, Crazy. 😊

Anyway, Crazy, you should know that just because you personally find something scary doesn't mean everyone will or that the thing is bad. Personal preferences are a thing.

In a study of tulpamancers though, most generally reported their lives becoming better after the practice.

78% reported improvements in their mental health, and 91% on overall life.

There are many out there who would jump at the chance to have someone there with them that knows them intimately, and to never have to be alone again.

If it's not for you, then so be it.

But it's certainly not something to be afraid of.

And maybe, for those who are willing to commit to the practice while America struggles with an epidemic of loneliness, it's something worth being open to.

This is actually pretty fair.

But that's now, and I'm looking at course of history and trends of plural acceptance.

300 years ago, any plural would be viewed as demon possessed and end up tortured or killed for their plurality.

70 years ago, all plurality was seen as a mental illness, and it was common to force plurals, as well as anyone else associated with mental illnesses, into asylums.

30 years ago, the first real plural communities were able to connect on the internet and form in small numbers.

8 years ago, the first studies into endogenic plurality started being conducted. 4 years ago, the ICD-11 acknowledged that you could have multiple distinct personality states without a disorder. 2023 marked the first, but certainly not the last, time a system used their system name as an author of an academic paper.

Recently, new plural resources have been designed and put into use. More servers than ever are using Pluralkit. And Simply Plural went from 100k users at the end of 2021 to 210k at the end of 2022.

Progress is happening far more rapidly than you realize. And you had best be ready for it.

BOO! 👻

Oh, hey, I just realized... this is literal pluralphobia!

Liberté!

Egalité!

Fraternité!

And yes, The Future is Plural! 😜

[anonymoushotsexyperson]

This post on twitter PISSED me off and I can't stop thinking about how no one cares about their friends anymore! SOOO here's a blog post about it.

LIKE ALWAYS THE BIG BOLD PURPLE TEXT ACTS AS STAMPS TO BREAK THE READING UP INTO SMALLER SECTIONS TO ACCOMMODATE THOSE WITH SMALLER ATTENTION SPANS WHO ARE MORE INTRIGUED IN ONE PIECE OVER THE ENTIRE POST! ^-^

Reading everything is encouraged though!

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CREATE THE LEVELS OF COMRADERY NEEDED TO OVER THROW THE GOVERNMENT IF YOU MOTHA FUCKAS CANT FIND THE SPACE TO TEXT YOUR FRIENDS BACK?? BESTIE BE SO FUCKING FORREAL!:

(THIS section is a little bit off topic from the rest but I can't HELP but mention it.) I think we should all start doing what the original poster did with our friends to be honest. We need to make space for our feelings and expectations in our friendship. Like learn how to fucking leave space for your community. I may have wrote about this before if not I will def be writing about it soon but the lack of community building and intimate friendship skills in gen z is so harmful in so many ways. Not only does it create this 'loneliness epidemic' ( if you're anything like me you've watched a million YouTube video essays on) but dude... DO YOU THINK ROSA PARKS JUST GOT ON THAT DAMN BUS HER DAMN SELF ON A RANDOM ASS DAY AND IT STARTED A REVOLUTION???? NO. They organized that! IT WAS AN ACTIVIST GROUP WHO DID IT AND PLANNED IT! How do you think black activism was able to prevail through the racist ass civil rights movement? COMMUNITY BUILDING AND GRASS ROOTS ORGANIZING AND GIRL LOOK AT THE STATE OF THE WORLD WE COULD USE THAT RIGHT NOW !

"SOMETIMES YOUR FRIEND IS DEPRESSED" IS AN EXPLANATION NOT EXCUSE (DONT SHARPEN ANY PITCHFORKS YET JUST LISTEN):

NOWWWW listen, I know we are all at our own pace with interpersonal relationships I get that, I can already hear the "Sometimes your friends can be depressed though so maybe YOU should consider that" crowd grabbing their pitchforks but, dude. Especially if you're an adult, you need to learn how to master these obstacles in certain situations. I know this sucks so bad and its unfair but your relationships are still half your responsibility hurting someone because you weren't mentally well still hurt them. I know this better than fucking anyone as someone who has borderline and had to come to terms with that myself. It's an annoying and unfair and hard truth but once you admit it to yourself you can become a better companion. We all have things going on but the people in your life deserve the respect of you at the least attempting to communicate on why you're not upholding the level of intimacy you have set for yourself with said person. Next section are two fairly easy skills to help manage your mental health but be a good friend. ALSO if you're doing the things in the next section with them and your friends still is an ass about it because they don't like the compromise you were able to give or whatever DO be mindful that the relationship is half their responsibility too. Friends should be able to leave space for their mentally ill friends (if they're being properly communicated to and their needs are also being taken into account) that can look like patience understanding and willingness to compromise or lending a helping hand or shoulder to cry on, meeting you where you're at. And if they can't do that after you extend that communication or compromise to them maybe you guys shouldn't be close friends who expect those things from one another or possibly not friends at all but thats up to you to choose!

A TIP FOR YOU DEPRESSED BITCHES :

( I use bitch and hoe as terms of endearment I love my depressed shawty baes)

You bad at communicating and you about to ghost all your friends? Well before you do or better yet when you're in a healthy state of mind tell them thats a problem you have and if its a friend you're really close to who might still need reassurance when you go ghost try to come up with some compromise like "I will still go ghost in the sense that I won't communicate but ill send memes I see to let you know your on my mind!" or "I will do a week/ monthly check in with you but thats all I have the energy for." (remember not to abuse these strategies though! throughout your journey of healthy confrontation you will learn how to discern between whether or not you are using them because you genuinely need them in that moment or if its because you are closing yourself away from the world a toxic amount and need to face your feelings around and with other people)

A TIP FOR YOU HOES OUT THERE WHO HAVE TROUBLE COMMUNICATING :

Muster up the strength to say or set up something like this maybe before you enter that state of mind while you're still in the good place! "hey I have a habit of doing ____ if i'm not in a good place. So when you text me I will text back this same funny meme or tiktok etc as a symbol to let you know i'm in I wanna die mode!" this is a way to communicate to your close friends that you're in a bad headspace at the moment and can't give much energy to the friendship without really having to say anything besides the first time you bring it up if you're uncomfortable all you have to do is send that meme or maybe emoji etc! (Make sure you aren't abusing this strategy to avoid working on your communication issues though because that can regress your communication abilities and friendships even further this is something you will learn and determine for yourself through trial and erorr)

Remember both of these sections are first steps but we also wanna work on being able to compromise SOMETIMES when we haven't left the bad place yet but I know many of you aren't ready for that. SO I won't scare y'all away.

OVERALL TAKE/ CLOSING STATEMENT:

Maybe you're someone who genuinely can't maintain close intimate friendships with sensitive people and maybe i'm wrong here and this might offend you but in most cases I believe thats not true. A lot of people are just scared of sensitivity and emotions. A lot of people are fed up with life and won't allow themselves to push passed their own imaginary limits to open up the can of worms that truly is making and maintaining intimate friendships.

The truth is a lot of us ARE sensitive, but we make ourselves smaller for all the people we love because "they have other stuff going on". I can't help but think if you agree with the qrt or had an 'its not that deep' reaction thats the qualities of being a bad friend (and its not your fault because within especially western individualist culture and patriarchal culture thats what we are taught to be but UNLEARN it).

Also I understand being traumatized by someone who was really sensitive and didn't know how to communicate and they became abusive, I also understand that having a sensitive friend again after that can be triggering. I'm so sorry that happened to you. BUT I hope you don't let your abuser take away this learning experience from you because healthy confrontation once learned is such a beautiful thing. ALSO healthy confrontation doesn't mean devoid of any emotion or things that make you uncomfortable don't expect people who are upset at you to shit sunshine and fart rainbows but its important to make sure you're NOT being verbally abused either. (I will make a post soon about healthy confrontation soon and what that looks like). Hey i'm not saying the original poster had the healthiest response either (im pretty sure the kms thing was meant to be a self deprecating joke not actual emotional manipulation keep that in mind) but it is a natural response to being hurt and more than likely the type of response you give after multiple offenses not just one thing. That is the behavior of someone who's felt ostracized for a while. I would not in any way shape or form consider it an abusive response though yeah it makes you uncomfortable, which circles me back around to the beginningof this. Stop making yourself smaller for the people you love, it's okay to make things uncomfortable by mentioning your feelings because they need to learn to be comfortable with talking about things.

If you continue to make yourself smaller for the people you love, one day you will look around you and you will see all the people you love, but you won't see the people who love you and... that? THAT is pain.

so reader, what do you think? Leave a comment even if you disagree! I genuinely wanna know.

[nothererightnow369]

I'm just going to rant about this here because whenever the topic comes up IRL no one bothers to actually listen to what I am saying and it devolves into people being condescending as ever-loving fuck to me. At least if I post it here I can pretend people actually care what I have to say, and get it out the way I want to say it without being interrupted, having jokes made at my expense, and being ridiculed for having issues of my own.

The concept of awkward, really forced methods of getting people to date, especially in east Asian countries, came up, and it turned into a whole debate about the loneliness epidemic. The key points that were used to justify these awkward methods were, 1. Well the people are not reproducing so if they don't do this the population and culture will die out, and 2. work culture (specifically in east Asian countries) makes it impossible to date normally.

In response to point 1, culture is based on how people are raised, not genetics. You don't have to have a bunch of kids to keep a culture going. Letting people who truly want to embrace the local culture move in isn't going to change the culture much more than it would over generations because every generation, even if raised in the culture, changes it in some way. It's why we can look back on previous generations like they were a bunch of idiots and assholes. Typically my point that reproduction isn't the most important thing in the world, and in fact, expecting constant growth is just capitalist bullshit, is met with "we have the resources, just not the proper distribution" and honestly my point to that is that you have to work within the system you are in, not the system you could be in. Still work towards those better systems, but plan as if there isn't going to be a miracle because change, especially on a global scale, is slow.

Point 2 is an interesting one, because the obvious answer is to improve work culture, and to do that, people are bargaining with the best chip they have, the future. If people are not dating and reproducing because the culture is hostile to that sort of thing, the people in charge will have to decide which matters more to them, the culture or the future/reproduction. These half measures of awkward, forced encounters is just an embarrassing attempt at distracting from the real issue. It reminds me of the 4B movement (which started in Korea but is gaining traction in other countries) where women have decided not to date or reproduce because the current conditions for that are not favorable. More importantly, these measures seem to have been working, as changes seem to have gone in the worker's favor. According to statistica, Japanese employees work on average 136 hours a month, or 31.6 hours a week (for context, the average in America is 34.2), which is notably different from the 147 hours a month (34.2 hours a week) that was considered average in 2012. An anti-karoshi law, the Work Style Reform Law (which capped overtime) was ratified on June 29, 2018. There are other changes that have been made, but I feel like I have made my point. This begs the question of why dating has gotten so much harder despite work conditions, the supposed cause of this issue, getting better?

This study by Japan's Gender Equality Bureau illustrates how, married women, even while working outside the home, do 77% of the household labor and women are pushed out of careers they enjoy because they have kids. Another report by the same organization shows that women report not wanting to get married because they want to maintain their freedom, and don't want to be burdened with childcare and housework. In that study, you will also find that the majority of divorces were caused by personality conflict, mental abuse, and adultery, with illness and financial hardship being the least common causes of divorce (a hard blow for the "women only care about good looking wealthy men" crowd, I am sure.) People around the world are refusing to have kids, as evidenced by total fertility rates slowing worldwide, so it only makes sense to look at this issue on a global scale, and I'm sure that, while the exact numbers may be different depending on the country, many women across the globe can relate to these statistics. What I am trying to get at with this is that, as women gain the ability to support themselves independently from men, but still face a disproportional level of violence and discrimination, it is no surprise that those women will shy away from dating.

This draws me closer to another point I need to make, and the reason this topic bothers me so much. We are Americans, having this conversation in America, and, as such, enter this conversation shaped by the cultural conflicts of western society. A common issue here is what is known as the "male loneliness epidemic" and the incel problem. According to multiple studies men and women experience loneliness at similar rates, but the media frequently talks about the "male loneliness epidemic" and what to do about it, but if men and women experience loneliness at similar rates, why does only one side's loneliness warrant a solution? Well, its the incel problem. A lot of men who don't have much luck in relationships resort to violence (Elliot Rodger, Alek Minassian, Armando Hernandez Jr., and Oguzhan Sert, are some infamous examples), some men profit off of promoting violence and abuse (Andrew Tate, Jordan B. Peterson, etc), and even more justify it. This misogynistic entitlement to sex has gone on for a while in American society (after all, it was legal to rape your wife in the US until 1993) and a lot of women are done. They can support themselves financially, trying to date could put them in contact with someone who will rape and/or murder her for saying no, and if they did get married they would have to do the majority of the housework even if they have a job. It is no surprise that women don't have much motivation to date men, and, if they do, some choose to engage with them in the same, disgusting, transactional ("I'll provide sex if you provide money") way the men that listen to Andrew Tate expect. Meanwhile, the men who seem to be having the most issue finding a date always blame women for "only wanting a 6ft tall, fit, 6 figure man" despite the fact that, if you just take a second to look around, most women are not exactly married to/dating the stereotypical "desirable" man. Most women I know are dating or married to someone generic as hell looking with an income similar to theirs.

The worst part about it is, these people are spouting these lies about "what women expect" or, if they are at least trying to cover their misogyny, "what most woman are told to want," but these things are completely divorced from reality. As someone who was born female and socialized as a woman (the fact that I don't identify as one seem to only be respected when I am agreeing with them, so I feel the need to use more precise language here), I remember being told by parents, teachers, and strangers to give men that made me uncomfortable a chance, date the guy who gave off school shooter vibes so (if he decides to do it) I would be safe, a decent woman can change a horrible man (so give the guy covered in red flags a chance), and many other horrible things that basically say "what you want doesn't matter, what he wants does." I don't know where they got this whole "women are told to only accept physical and financial perfection" bullshit from, but it doesn't align with my experience, nor does it line up with the experience of most women. I have done that in the pass, swallowed my feelings in hopes of making the creepy guy feel less alone, and it invariably led to violence and/or sexual assault, which is probably why this conversation sets me off so much. I have also experienced profound levels of isolation and loneliness in my life (try having your only human contact, for years at a time, be your abusive immediate family and tell me again how "I can't get a date" compares on the loneliness scale). I will never condone any argument where someone has to accept putting themselves in that level of danger just to make someone feel less lonely, and that is exactly what these people imply when they complain about women choosing not to date (let's not get into the misogyny of not believing the reasons these women actually give, as shown in the previously mentioned study, just to substitute your own reasoning. It's not like women can make logical decisions and voice their reasoning, right? /obvious fucking sarcasm). I am tired of being told I'm the one in the wrong for saying people need to stop prioritizing sex, dating, and marriage, over someone else pursuing happiness in a way that feels safer for them.

[earl-grey-love]

[CW: Politics, current world events, body image, segregation, all that icky stuff]

I've been on the internet for nearly 20 years. While it wasn't the very first era of the internet, it was when it started its massive boom into popularity. But back then, even when I was a teenager, when you turned off your pc, you no longer had access to the internet. Most "smart" phones of that time could barely open a browser. They were good for texting and calling mostly.

But nowadays you're plugged into the internet literally 24/7. Even TVs and "smart" fridges/speakers/lights/all kinds of shit do. Even the youngest and oldest of people have smart phones/ipads practically glued to their hands or sides all day every day. The effects this has had on society literally fill tens of thousands of research documents and articles, and counting. We are lonelier and yet more connected than we have ever been in human history, and it's only getting worse.

Now, I'm not here to vilify phones and the internet, and people who use them. Nuh-uh. That'd not only be incorrect, but also weird and hypocrital. It's not our fault we're addicted to this stuff. It's DESIGNED that way. It always has been. But back when I was a teenager, this shit wasn't this bad because we could turn it off. Now we're expected to be at available at the click of a button to anyone who wants us 24/7. This affects relationships, work life balance, and directly the mental health of everybody. Especially when we naturally cope with these negative experiences and emotions by using addictive software like apps we can endlessly scroll on and post to get validation.

Now I've never been a huge fan of social media, but back in the day it was far easier to make meaningful connections. Nowadays, I see so many hate comments on literally anything and everything on the internet that it genuinely makes me ill. People cannot use social media for what it was designed for. If you post something mildly embarrassing or cringe or anything remotely "socially unacceptable", you'll be subjected to literal medieval torture in the form of mass public humiliation. Every single week theres new "discourse" about some poor fucker who dared to be a little cringe, a little controversial, a little human, on the internet.

And it's no surprise 99% of those victims are queer, bipoc, fem presenting, transgender, non-christian, children/teens, and/or anyone that's considered a minority or otherwise shunned. People without power. Like good fucking god, I thought cancel culture was about giving people with power social consequences for the fucked up shit they do, because legal systems are pay to win, yet I rarely see the actual bad people targetted. Cancel culture these days is 90% of the time little more than cyberbullying en mass. It's disgusting.

I blame the cringe culture epidemic of 2016. It changed the internet forever and irreparably so. Everyone who got cringe cultured back then were exactly the minority groups I just named. Godforbid you become a minority person who gets just a little bit of fame and fortune, your own community will put you back in your place. And it's not even community's fault either, it's corporations.

Corporations have, in modern times, always decided what we do. What we think. What we eat. What we wear. What we dream of. Now it's shoved down our throats 24/7 because we can't unplug from it. Everything you see when you scroll these days is an advertisement for something. Nothing is sacred any more. Even the anti-capitalist or rebellious movements of by-gone eras are now co-opted for cash, or are even outright exclusionary these days (see, cottagecore, goth/punk, etc). It's nearly impossible for anything to exist without immediate being churned out of a fast market fuelled by modern day slavery, just so the already rich can get a few more bucks for their fifth home.

Meanwhile, we've never been poorer and more overworked. Why the fuck do people have to work multiple jobs and have multi-income households just so people CAN EAT. That's fucking dystopian. People cannot afford basic living necessities like food, water, shelter and healthcare. All of this shit should be fucking free and yet people have to sell their souls for it??? Their bodies their lives their happiness their health, just for some fucking paper and that paper is NEVER enough.

All while we can barely survive, we get ad after ad shoved in our face of all the things we need to buy to be "cool" or "happy" or "worthy of love". We gotta be thin, we gotta be sexy, we gotta have a sleek car and a perfectly tasteful and organised wardrobe, and don't you dare eat animal products or buy fast fashion!! You have to be perfect all of the time. Go to work, do your job, have a perfect home, never be disabled, never have a thought you weren't programmed to have. Keep giving us more money by the way!

Meanwhile all the rights generations have worked hard for are stripped away. Bit by bit, as we're now too overworked and worn down to even notice. Media outlets don't cover it anymore because someone posted something cringe on tiktok and that's obviously more important than gen0cide. And see that? I had to censor it because we're not even allowed to openly talk on the internet any more. Sure, we're allowed to buy billions of tonnes of platic per year, but godforbid we talk about human rights. Or s*x or "unaliving" or schmental schmelth or grape.

Are we even allowed to be human? Because we're being denied the right to even be alive.

I'm both terrified of and terrified for the people younger than me. I see the way they live and talk to each other and now that Oz.empic Chic is in style, I'm more terrified than ever. Please be kind to each other. Don't fall for the divisive, hateful, violence perpetuating culture that social media has become. Love yourself and love each other, because our communities are all we have. If that's taken from us, then we have nothing left.

[leam1983]

Faded Labels

I'm not one to excuse reprehensible behavior, but I also wonder if the term lolcow hasn't fallen out of fashion in today's more salient Progressive standards. I was watching a few horror-themed and True Crime videos last night, and came upon a creator who focused on what he called "horrorcows", or terminally isolated and awkward YouTube creators who'd ultimately gone off the deep end. Popular examples included Christine Chandler, who needs no introduction, Randy Stair and Elliott Rodgers.

Speaking as a disabled man, I've always been aware of what it feels like to be marginalized, and I've seen what happens when a failure to integrate these people in due time is manifest. I've had to deal with social workers despite my having been raised in a happy family because of my disability's needs, and as such quickly picked up on what happened with kids less fortunate than I was.

Imagine that you're born different. It probably starts with something simple, something we have a name for today - like gender dysphoria, or maybe some easily-diagnosed and treatable mental illness. Or maybe you're autistic but your parents just don't know which resources to reach for or trust. In any case, imagine that what you have is either treatable or addressable with adequate support. Now, what happens when you don't get said support?

You might start to decay, to find other means to issue cries for help. Said cries might become unconscious as you disconnect from a reality that's unfavorable to you. See Chandler's complete decompensation, sometime after declaring herself to be trans. it sort of follows that if nothing's done to bring you back, you might even start to abandon basic aspects of morality.

In simple terms, these people are and were sick, quite deeply so. Considering, it seems uncharitable to me to go from labelling them as "lolcows", which was already cringe IMO, to "horrocows".

We live in an era that sees people grow increasingly isolated from one another despite levels of interconnectedness that would stagger your ancestors not but three generations ago, and statements were already published regarding loneliness as an epidemic - especially in the Gen Y and Millennial basins.

Considering, pointing and sneering at kids who fall off the deep end and who, in their own flawed ways, tried to enact some form of change, seems misguided. It's easy to take Stair's murders or Chandler's incest at face value if you're a well-adjusted and supported individual - but what if you weren't?

I know I wasn't, for the longest time. I was lucky, however - I had family and love to bolster me in the face of my society's unwillingness to assist me. It dulled blows and allowed me to recover, but I know exactly what it feels like to have no options whatsoever and to be aware that if I wanted, I could just jump off the proverbial deep end, leave all my issues to the wider world and turn into something pitiable, barely aware and possibly grotesque.

As I grow older and as I'm now an established adult, I'm perfectly aware of how I can't take my current stability for granted.

I could've been someone else's Lolcow - so I tend not to give that term the slightest bit of acknowledgement.

[nubeeeohno]

I'm not sorry that I get so ticked off whenever the topic of gen z and loneliness comes up because my millennial colleages have done nothing of substance to it and have in fact just worsened it via the endorsement of boomer and gen xer type brutality emotionally wise.

It comes from us and our generation and the massive joking off of pain followed by a half assed approach of disque emotional awareness, really just leaving the do to the epidemic of mental illness delirium and pharmacologicalization of things that don't exist. I'm not sorry I don't feel like sugarcoating or coaxing today. It should be obvious.

Yes, absolutely every single thing is going to get better by you not talking heart to heart to your peers because "boundaries". Every single thing is going to get better by burying, burying, burying, BURYING BURYING BURYING like a maniac instead of yanking things up to the surface, because why affront my pain, there is social media, there is cellphones, there is this super addicting game, there is pharma, there is fanfiction and there is every single thing ever, to simulate a plastic and temporal equivalent of the feeling of reward I would have felt by forging a long term relationship with my mother and my father - except they did not do that to me, and now I'm doomed, I'm doomed because I can't build with other people what they did not build with me and thus, in the absence of family, there is absence of friends.

Except I can, I could, speak genuinely and pour every thing out to a person and be vulnerable, but there is the catch - it is shamed. Shamed. Because they're not my "therapist" (despite "therapy" being a subconstruct of the professionalism construct, that aims to sanitize what is basically prostitution) and they should not "carry" my burden despite me expressing myself and seeking a bond with someone in no way equating me tasking them with solving my life or pain, and thus apparently if I don't PAY someone whom has studied - via reference and not experience, and reserves their ability to mask their own biases into their practice - to listen to me I am being entitled. And there is also the catch that I am afraid of bonding with them and depending on them the way I could not depend on my parents because they never wanted to, probably the absence of my parents is going to have that consequence, or just naturally from revealing things that are so personal and hurt so much… which is valid. And the reason so many resort to AI. But AI is merely a practice and a test of the waters for human relationships, not an end nor a replacement.

What IS the consequence of reducing psychotherapists to mere gateways to psychiatry? (The pseudoscience that claims endogenic origin of emotional repercussions by grabbing brain scans and labelling them normal vs depressive, gaslighting into a causation fallacy, because mind you, making direct and undoubted assumptions of connection between words and pictures is how we learned LANGUAGE, so that method is always going to work automatically) The consequence of obsessing over surfaces? The consequence of putting more, more, more, more and more obstacles and labels over people's emotional expression ("trauma dumping", don't fucking get me started on that)? People can be clumsy, and you CAN choose to be understanding instead of a shaming piece of shit. The consequence of giving emotions no importance if not over the academical hierarchy and construct that is psychology? The consequence of prioritizing the material over the intangible, the computer over the sentient ("rational" vs "emotional" as if dumping the very thing that makes your soul over the ability to be a computer could be your biggest achievement as a person)? To the point that there has to be external validation by academia for every single thing that we live every single second because of course our emotions hold no validity by themselves, no value by themselves - FEELINGS are LIES, just because you FEEL something it doesn't mean it IS - except yes it is, yes if you feel something is harming you it is because it is actually harmful. This is ridiculous - to feel like there has to be validation for your feelings by some authority by every single time and every single ocassion. That there has to be some doctor or psychologist telling your parents and peers and old fucking people that yes, yelling at you does nothing but harm you - because you don't hold value by yourself, your words, your feelings, your instincts mean nothing because someone else decided they don't - the parent that was told the same thing as a child because their parent saw emotions as a vile gateway for children to be forever dependent and bratty and leeching off every possible resource out of the parent because children are evil. Or humans are weak naturally and you have to TOUGHEN THEM UP as children by making a CHILD immediately prepared to live without YOU the PARENT… shaking my fucking head. No, a medic does not have to validate via academia what is fucking obvious to us as humans, just because some deny it out of the self-punishing practice sown by their parents to desperately seek a meaning or "reward" out of endurance and suffering (myth of merit)… that is fucking ridiculous.

The consequence of making the work force and have work be every thing in the life of a person, putting them under the permanent pressure of having to constantly pay just for living…

The consequence is we simulate relationships. Via social interactions that are not direct relationing of one human to another. Via games, fictional stories, roleplay, via parties and lunches and god knows what, via every single thing that temporarily provides just a second of the reward that is always there from true love. We are afraid of investing long term and real emotion because that interferes with work. It interferes my energy and time for the material. My resources to invest in buying the resources to keep a body alive and not a soul (and the resources to keep a body alive and happy are your very basic right, yet you are forced into having to "earn" them by the rich and the brainwashed myth-of-merit-sucking workers). My ability to also keep my pain and vulnerability buried. A bond takes nakedness - and having someone see you naked emotionally means seeing yourself naked emotionally which so many of you just can't do and resort to believing yourselves ill and taking medications to keep burying yourselves in heavier layers of things and concrete because you think being vulnerable is the end of the world. You think that letting yourselves feel your pain is the end of the world. That hurting and pain are the end of the world. You dread becoming aware of that pain because it is so big. You think that letting yourself hurt every injustice, cry for your mother and wish for her arms is the end of the world. Because you think in an absolutist way that says, if you can't possibly mend it, then don't let yourself feel it - but it is not pointless at all. You were made to look at a "point" and "functionality" for yourself when you are not a machine. To have "goals" and "dreams" to feed a productist system and pay a university to put you closer to fulfilling them and "go" somewhere when your biggest happiness is and should always be and always have been home where true love is - or had to be from the start.

You think that bringing up to the surface something so big will break you, but it won't.

[mediaevalmusereads]

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. By Jonathan Haidt. Penguin, 2024.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: child development, mental health, technology/social media

Series: N/A

Summary: After more than a decade of stability or improvement, the mental health of adolescents plunged in the early 2010s. Rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide rose sharply, more than doubling on many measures. Why?

In The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt lays out the facts about the epidemic of teen mental illness that hit many countries at the same time. He then investigates the nature of childhood, including why children need play and independent exploration to mature into competent, thriving adults. Haidt shows how the “play-based childhood” began to decline in the 1980s, and how it was finally wiped out by the arrival of the “phone-based childhood” in the early 2010s. He presents more than a dozen mechanisms by which this “great rewiring of childhood” has interfered with children’s social and neurological development, covering everything from sleep deprivation to attention fragmentation, addiction, loneliness, social contagion, social comparison, and perfectionism. He explains why social media damages girls more than boys and why boys have been withdrawing from the real world into the virtual world, with disastrous consequences for themselves, their families, and their societies.

Most important, Haidt issues a clear call to action. He diagnoses the “collective action problems” that trap us, and then proposes four simple rules that might set us free. He describes steps that parents, teachers, schools, tech companies, and governments can take to end the epidemic of mental illness and restore a more humane childhood.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: discussion of adolescent anxiety, depression, self-harm, eating disorders, and suicide; discussion of pedophilia and sexual predation

I saw this book on display at an indie bookstore, and I was just curious enough to pick it up. I'm neither Gen Z nor a parent, but still, there are people in my life who work with kids who are growing up in the digital age.

I also appreciated that Haidt acknowledges when some research is inconclusive or insufficient, and I loved that he runs a website and blog containing supplemental studies and corrections (as research advances). I also liked the chapters outlining what specific actions parents, schools, governments, and tech companies cam take; though it will be difficult, having a rudimentary road map makes the challenge feel less daunting.

If you're one of those people who are terminally online, this book will come as no surprise: giving children free reign on the internet (and especially on social media) is damaging to their mental health. This isn't some old crotchety argument about "technology bad," but rather a study about the way tech companies monopolize adolescent attention and how that creates long-term mental health damage.

But while I wasn't necessarily surprised by this argument, I did appreciate the supporting research that Haidt collects. I found the information about the decline in "play based childhood" (happening since at least the 1980s) to be important context and the studies quantifying particular trends and outcomes highly convincing. I also think Haidt writes with very clear prose that both simplifies complex ideas and respects the reader's intelligence, regardless of education level. In short, it strikes a good balance.

But while there is a lot about this book that will make you think, there are also some pitfalls to be aware of. The first is that this book is, almost by necessity, general. Because of the lack of data for certain sexual/gender/racial minorities, Haidt must often speak generally of the effects of social media on Anglophone (US/UK/Canada) adolescent girls and boys. To his credit, Haidt acknowledges the lack; but the reader should still be aware that this book can't be the end-all-be-all of resources on this topic.

Also, there are a few places where I got the impression that Haidt wasn't entirely sure or clear about how a topic worked. The first inkling I got was in a brief discussion of triggers; Haidt's dislike for trigger warnings is obvious, but based on his exploration, I'm not sure he realizes the distinction between trigger warnings for people with trauma/PTSD and what he calls "coddling." The second was during a discussion of gender dysphoria, where he claims that some teens may be questioning their gender later in life (not as young children) because of social media influence. While I think there is something to be said about the rise in visibility of trans and GNC youth online, I also think Haidt needed to be more clear on how gender works. I'm not convinced that gender dysphoria needs to be present at a young age to mark someone as trans/queer. Also, given that queer online culture has little data, I don't think Haidt can necessarily conclude that queerness is on the rise in part because of social media. Third, I think Haidt needed to be more careful when talking about social media possibly influencing teens to imitate certain disorders such as Tourette's and DID. I do know that there are a number of fakers on social media who do great harm, but I'm also curious as to how many people actually find support for conditions when doctors refuse to diagnose them or take their concerns seriously (I'm thinking especially of girls who may have their ADHD or autism or anxiety dismissed).

All this isn't to say that Haidt's book is bad - most of the above take up very little space. But they are things that stand out to me as needing greater exploration, and perhaps that's only possible with more data (that doesn't yet exist) and books/articles of their own. Thus, I encourage people to check out Haidt's supplementary materials.

TL;DR: The Anxious Generation is a useful overview on the rise of technology and how it changed the nature of childhood for Gen Z. It also is a good resource for parents and concerned parties by offering not only a section on practical steps for collective action, but also a supplementary materials website. Though this book is by nature very general, it's a good starting point if you're serious about undoing the damage that social media and smart phones have done to our children.

[careflick]

Combating the loneliness epidemic amongst seniors

In a world that seems increasingly connected, an alarming number of seniors find themselves trapped in loneliness and social isolation. Often overlooked, these issues pose serious health and societal challenges, demanding urgent attention and innovative solutions.

Understanding Loneliness and Social Isolation

Loneliness is the subjective feeling of being alone, regardless of the amount of social contact, while social isolation is an objective state where an individual has minimal contact with others. While both can occur independently, they frequently overlap, amplifying their detrimental effects.

The Growing Crisis: Key Statistics

Prevalence: According to the National Institute on Aging, approximately 28% of older adults in the U.S. live alone, amounting to over 14.7 million people (5 million men and 9.7 million women). This figure is mirrored globally, with developed nations like the UK reporting that 36% of seniors feel lonely.

Health Risks: Loneliness has been equated to smoking 15 cigarettes a day in terms of health impact. Research links social isolation to a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% higher risk of stroke. Furthermore, the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NASEM) states that socially isolated seniors have a 50% increased risk of dementia.

Mental Health: Studies indicate that nearly 1 in 4 seniors experiences depression, often exacerbated by loneliness. Older adults with limited social interactions are also at higher risk for anxiety and suicidal ideation.

Pandemic Effect: The COVID-19 pandemic intensified the issue. In 2020, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that 43% of adults aged 60 and older felt frequent loneliness, up from 27% pre-pandemic.

Caregiver Impact: For caregivers of seniors, loneliness can be a shared experience. A study by the Alzheimer’s Association revealed that 40% of dementia caregivers report high levels of emotional stress, with many experiencing social isolation alongside their loved ones.

Why Are Seniors More Vulnerable?

Several factors contribute to the prevalence of loneliness and social isolation among seniors:

Life Transitions: Retirement, loss of a spouse, or children moving away can significantly reduce social interactions.

Mobility Issues: Physical limitations, lack of transportation, or chronic illnesses can make it challenging to maintain an active social life.

Digital Divide: Despite efforts to improve digital literacy among older adults, many struggle to connect through modern technology.

Consequences Beyond the Individual

Loneliness and social isolation not only affect the well-being of seniors but also strain healthcare systems. Socially isolated seniors are 68% more likely to visit emergency rooms, leading to increased medical costs. The AARP Public Policy Institute estimates that Medicare spends an additional $6.7 billion annually due to social isolation.

Tackling the Epidemic with AI

Startups like Character.AI and Replika are trying to solve for companionship through AI-powered chatbots that offer emotional support, conversation, and a sense of connection. These platforms allow users to interact with AI companions who can engage in various types of relationships, from platonic friendships to romantic partnership. Character AI today had over 20 million registered users worldwide, 3.5 million daily visitors to the site with users spending an average of 29 minutes per visit, increasing to over two hours for active users.

Key features of these AI companions include:

Empathetic listening: The AI is designed to provide a judgment-free space for users to express their thoughts and feelings

Personalized interactions: The more users chat with their AI companions, the more the AI develops its own personality and memories

Constant availability: Unlike human relationships, AI companions are available 24/7 for conversation and support

Diverse conversation topics: AI companions can discuss a wide range of subjects, from personal struggles to everyday life

Safe space for exploration: Users can practice social skills, explore their emotions, and even engage in romantic or intimate scenarios without real-world consequences

Building on the foundation of AI-powered companionship, at CareFlick we have developed YANA, an AI companion designed specifically to address the unique challenges of loneliness and social isolation among seniors. Unlike general-purpose platforms, YANA is tailored to the needs of older adults and caregivers, combining empathetic interactions with practical support. It offers personalized conversations, wellness reminders, and companionship that adapts to the user’s preferences over time. By focusing on seniors, YANA bridges the gap between human connection and technology, empowering older adults to feel valued, supported, and less alone.

Even the most well-meaning individuals can struggle to provide the completely judgment-free environment that digital excel at creating. AI companions give users a safe space to explore their emotions, needs, and even practice intimate or romantic interactions in a non-judgmental setting.

While a virtual companion cannot replace the expertise of a licensed therapist, it can complement mental health support by offering encouragement and tracking progress between sessions.

Conclusion

Loneliness and social isolation extend beyond emotional experiences—they are significant public health challenges with wide-ranging implications. Tackling these issues demands a comprehensive approach that blends compassion, innovation, and policy reform. As the global population continues to age, ensuring that no senior feels unseen or forgotten is not just a moral responsibility but a societal imperative. Now is the moment to harness the power of AI to turn this vision into reality.

[fairfieldthinkspace]

The Loneliness Epidemic: Understanding the Crisis and Creating Meaningful Connections

Evelyn Bilias Lolis, PhD

Dean & Associate Professor

School of Education & Human Development

A recent report from the U.S. Surgeon General highlights a growing public health crisis in America: loneliness, isolation, and a lack of connection are pervasive issues affecting millions. These feelings of disconnection can profoundly impact both physical and mental well-being, contributing to the alarming statistic that more than one in five adults and over one in three young adults in the U.S. are living with a mental illness. 

In response to this urgent need, Fairfield University’s School of Education and Human Development hosted a panel discussion recently, entitled, Combating the Loneliness Epidemic: Science. Connection. Healing.

Dean of the School of Education and Human Development, Evelyn Bilias Lolis, PhD, moderated the discussion on the impact of loneliness, and strategies for creating connections, following her opening remarks:

In a brief released last year, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, MD, the 21st U.S. Surgeon General, highlighted a national epidemic of loneliness and social isolation in his advisory titled, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.” He noted that nearly half of U.S. adults, especially young adults, experience significant loneliness, which adversely affects physical, mental, and social health.

Loneliness is defined as “a distressing experience stemming from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections.” The operative word here is “perceived”.  The emphasis on “perceived” is vital, as the sense of connection is deeply personal, hinging on how individuals feel seen, understood, and valued within their families, communities, schools, or organizations. One's subjective appraisal is the most essential feature; a person may be surrounded by others yet still feel profoundly lonely, while someone who appears solitary may experience no loneliness at all. Ultimately, the true measure of loneliness lies in personal perception.

Why should we, as an institution of higher education and as the School of Education & Human Development, care about this issue and be moved to draw critical dialogue around this matter? Two reasons come to mind. The first and obvious is that this is a public health crisis.  Scientific research has firmly established that loneliness significantly increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, stroke, diabetes, depression, anxiety, and even premature death. These findings are not merely isolated; they have been consistently replicated across studies. To put it starkly, the health risks associated with social disconnection are comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Yes, prolonged feelings of disconnection are as detrimental to your health as smoking almost a pack of cigarettes a day. 

The second, equally compelling reason we care is rooted in our identity as a modern Jesuit Catholic university. We are dedicated to shaping the minds and hearts of our students to cultivate compassion, to see and care for the whole person, to walk alongside the marginalized, to confront injustices, and to become powerful agents of healing, advocacy, and transformation in society. We strive to empower everyone who graduates from our institution to champion the right to a hope-filled future for every human being they serve in the world.

There is no doubt that we have our work cut out for us. The loneliness epidemic is multifaceted in causes, and equally complex in its remedies. It affects each of us individually and all of us collectively. This epidemic highlights the interconnectedness between individual and societal health. My well-being affects not only myself, but also everyone I serve in my personal and professional circles. You see, social connection exists at the intersection of "you and me," where our stories intertwine, where your existence finds a place in mine, and where we seek solace in each other’s care at the most fundamental level of our shared humanity.

We would be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge that social connections are eroding in our society. Our social networks are shrinking, our reliance on technology is increasing, and opportunities for genuine, “no strings” quality social interactions (free of objectives, transactions, outcomes), are few and far in between.  When we observe children in their natural environments, particularly during play, we witness the essence of mindfulness—what it means to being fully present and savoring the joy and leisure of another human being’s company. As adults, we often lose this very ability amidst our responsibilities, distractions, and duties to produce. The need for intentional opportunities for connectedness, for self and other need to become at the forefront of our shared objectives.

Hence, we gather here tonight united by a common purpose: we care. We care about our children, our schools, our campuses, and our communities. We feel compelled to take action. Intential, thoughtful, and planned action.

This is why I believe the School of Education and Human Development is the ideal venue for this discussion. We train educators, school-based mental health professionals, clinical mental health agents, marriage and family therapists and social workers, and leaders in social justice advocacy—individuals who will be at the forefront of addressing loneliness and isolation. We are the epicenter of interdisciplinary and intergeneraltional professional preparation, community engaged scholarship, and premiere expertise in matters of education, learning, and mental health.   

While the loneliness epidemic poses serious challenges, it also offers hope—both in aspiration and research. Time and again, we witness the profound impact of individual connections and the sacred ripples they create. The power of one becomes the hope of many.

*The expert panel included Fairfield University alumni, campus wellness workers, community psychologists, and leaders in philanthropic efforts dedicated to combating youth disconnection: Michael Pisseri, a Fairfield University alumnus, and principal of Davenport Ridge Elementary School in Stamford, Conn.; Clinesha Johnson, PsyD, clinical psychologist and assistant dean of students at Fairfield University; Wendy Mendes, licensed mental health counselor and director of student wellbeing at Fairfield Bellarmine; Samantha Miller, portfolio director at Dallio Education; and Paula Gill Lopez, PhD, a nationally recognized crisis response trainer, director of Fairfield’s School Psychology program, and co-founder of the Connecticut Center for School Safety and Crisis Preparation. A group connection activity was facilitated by Melissa Quan, EdD, director of Fairfield University’s Center for Social Impact. 

[eurohealthleaders]

An Overview of Mental Illness Awareness Week Program

The medical science and research have reached tremendous heights in the fields of diagnoses, treatments, creation of vaccines, preventive care and many other advancements in the generalized physical healthcare. However, a different form of illness that is late in identification is Mental Illness.

In essence, mental illness is any condition that can seriously limit or distress a person’s capacity to function normally. An individual’s thinking, feeling, mood, and behavior can all be impacted by mental illness.

The majority of people categorize mental disease as crazy because they are ignorant of it. Raising awareness of mental illness, its different forms, and strategies for managing with and recovering from it is desperately needed.

Mental Illness Awareness Week

As we identify a particular physical illness through its symptoms, mental illness also has its set of symptoms. Such a requirement should be identified, communicated and implemented to detect the type of mental health condition of the patient. By organizing workshops, drives, and other activities, the mental illness awareness week seeks to increase public understanding of the different types of mental illness and how to identify them. Among the various varieties of mental sickness or mental disorders include anxiety disorders, bipolar disorders, and depression.

Mental diseases can have clear origins and ends and be either transient or episodic. Other conditions are chronic or long-term. Many factors, such as personality traits, traumatic and stressful events, an unhealthful upbringing, substance abuse, inheritance, and a host of other factors, might predispose a person to mental illness.

An examination by a physician or mental health professional, laboratory testing, and psychological assessment are a few techniques they may employ to diagnose mental illness. European Mental Health Week (EMHW) is a pan-European initiative that seeks to raise awareness of mental health concerns and effect positive change.

The EMHW 2024 took place on May 13–19 under the theme “Better together: co-creating the future of mental health.”

EMHW is a week-long event encouraging people to Emphasize the call to end stigma, discrimination, and exclusion; Share personal experiences and Discuss mental health openly. Mental Health Europe, Europe’s largest independent mental health nongovernmental organization, launches and organizes EMHW.

Sobering Facts about Mental Illness

The WHO reports that during the first year of the epidemic, there was a 25% global increase in anxiety and despair. Following COVID-19, there was a more than 22% increase in loneliness in the EU, and in 2022, 27% of workers reported feeling stressed, depressed, or anxious. Workplace stress and psychosocial dangers can pose a threat to employees�� mental health.

There is a particularly heightened vulnerability of people engaged in precarious work to the negative stresses, which might eventually translate into an anxiety disorder or depression. Greater digitalization, robotization, and use of artificial intelligence at work have potentially adverse conditions for work and therefore, likely have an influence on mental health. Generally, the member states of the EU are aware that there is a clear connection between mental health and work. Mental health is one of the issues crucial for work ability and productivity, and vice versa, psychosocial risks at work may equally deteriorate mental health.

In particular, precarious work such as less-than-well-paid, unprotected jobs may give rise to disorders, including anxiety and depression. Some research estimates indicate that in 2019, over 14 million people aged 15-29 years had any type of mental health condition. The COVID-19 pandemic further worsened the mental health of European youth. In the OECD’s ‘Health at a glance report’, the data also showed that the percentage of young people with signs of anxiety and depression have doubled over several member states compared to the pre-pandemic period.

According to the UNICEF report lastly, it states that suicide remains the second leading cause of death among young people across Europe and surpasses even road accidents.

However, nearly half of the young population in the EU declared unmet needs in mental health care, differing by 23% from adult population.

Almost half, or 49% of young people, lack mental health care services.

In the meantime, all this while pursuing sure measures for improvement in the area of mental health at work including

Encouraging research activities on the impact of working conditions on mental health Strengthening public systems protecting the mental health of workers Favouring the recruitment or reintegration of workers with mental health issues Guaranteeing workers benefit from mental health surveillance Countering precarious employment In the Council, for the very first time, now, the EU member states are engaged in discussions with regard to how they could better act towards the prevention of mental health issues among young people, accounting for their specific needs. It outlines guidance in addressing the problem at hand, which focuses on the area of how to better meet the specific needs of young people, with actions including

Improving their living and working conditions Ensuring access to mental health care for young people Encouragement of research into the impact of mental health on young people Elimination of stigma Best practices exchange between EU countries Promoting a safer and healthier digital environment by fighting against hate, violence, and abuse in the media and on social media.

Read More: Click Here

[dearestrex-blog]

feeling hurt, why the lies? An ode to mental illness.

Wow, it had been a long time since my last post. However due the pain, I am feeling I wish to blog again. Unfortunately pain is not always well understood by others and even if you might mention it is them they don't seem to care. For instance just before writing this, I told a friend I was feeling hurt. The response I got was *ok*. I mean thanks for at least saying something but it doesn't exactly open the channels of communication.

However when I say at least there was a response that is because often I will text someone and get no response. Zilch, nothing, a ghosting type scenario. Occasionally I may get a response days later. But often, so often there is no response. I mean it is not hard to say sorry I don't have time to chat or sorry I think we are different people and I'm not interested in the friendship or something. No response it is just disrespectful and rude.

That leads me to colleagues, how hard is it to freaking say hello to someone? You do not have to like a person to be able to treat them as a person. What the hell is wrong in someone's head that they think it appropriate to say nothing at all to a colleague? You do not have to be best friends.

No wonder we have an epidemic of depression and loneliness when people treat each other so badly.

I was listening to the ABC news yesterday and yes that may give away my location. However I think this news was really important. It had a program that was speaking about lonliness and making friends. Some woman rang up and said she has friends she had known 60 years. How is this helpful to point out to those who have little friends or want more friends? You want to boast about your friends you had for 60 years, really ? Is that appropriate? I don't think so. Anyways this program was super good apart from that caller. I wasn't able to catch all of the program and plan to re listen.

On the exact same day (it was quite a good day in radio program land) there was a segment on Light FM. This was also quite a useful segment in terms of mental health, loneliness and friendship. I think these programs and others need to give this topic a lot more air time. On the ABC I think one of the best things they said was it should not be up to those who are isolated but those around them to see they are isolated and invite them out and include them. I think if there was more of this a lot less people would be suffering. They were saying a third of people feel lonely. They were speaking also about people feeling crappy and kind of isolating themselves the more crappy they feel.

Anyways my next point and why I am feeling shitty and writing this blog is because of a few things. One is that I am sick of people being dismissive and i really do not understand how people are so cruel. I mean it is like the statement how are you and when you say I feel awful and they say nothing. Or you try to tell them something and they block with *I don't want to hear it* as happened to me recently.

I was starting to feel better, do you know why? I finally had someone in my life who didn't have to speak to me but took the time to. Someone who had never met me but wanted to actually share parts of their life with me over several hours of talking. This person is still in my life however, I am honestly not sure how much I trust them. I felt a lot for them due to knowing I could help them in their life with their struggles and I would have loved to support that person in whatever made them happy. But I don't not think they are completely honest with me, so I'm taking a step back. They are in my life, but I don't like dishonesty. I do not like it especially when there is no reason for it. Pretty you can't talking due to wifi and then going on another site just means it is a downright lie about wifi. And it is fine if you don't want to talk and are busy, don't lie about it. It just shows how little you care about the person If you cannot be honest with them. There is that and yes that person is highly aware I would have done anything for them, they don't know yet that I realise they are lying to me and thus my trust for them and my willingness to do anything for them has waned.

My second issue apart from this person who in a short time, I started to care for a lot because of their willingness to share their life with me is family. And no my family is not abusive. At least not in the typical way. And that is what makes it extremely hard as what I am to describe next is what is hard to get support for as it is unseen. At least if you are hit but family it can be seen and people will believe you am when you talk about family issues and actually be supportive. In the case of emotional abuse as it is unseen the there is a severe lack of emotional support. I barely speak to my parents, unlike those I know who continue to live with theirs (a few friends) and those who see theirs regularly for dinner.

I spoke to one parent today (the one I talk to), the other I only speak to if seen in person. This happens because one decided to pick on everything about me and lower my self esteem to such a low level that it shatters so easily. I mean if your family cannot support and believe in you then it completely shatters any confidence as a person (which is then compounded by ghosting and nasty dismissive colleagues). The one I don't speak to picks on my weight and used to say I was fatter than them but refused to get on the scales (as it was untrue) and apparently my weight compared to what they weighed at the same age as them was important. No idea why, just classic abuse I get since I was a size 8 to 10. I had probably grown from a size 8 and underweight to a size 10 and thus apparently that was enough to utterly harass me about my weight.

Yes a couple of friends know all this but despite they understand this, it doesn't really change the feeling horrible or low confidence or self esteem and it doesn't help with the barrage of when others treat me bad that compounds these feelings.

Anyways apart from my weight, my friends were picked on, my clothes were picked on (they weren't outrageous and had they been who cares, I should be able to wear what I want without being picked on or put down). It got to the point I really had enough of this constant treatment so after years of suffering we only talk should I go to parents house in person. Getting back to calling the other parent. I called to ask about something but apparently asking and having a chat whilst they are in the middle of *paperwork* is too much and I was hurried off the phone. I barely speak to them, don't see them for dinner ever, don't see them for birthday, often I choose not to go to Christmas celebrations (as why would I want to and the one who picks on me drinks and is worse - although last Christmas didn't for a change).

Anyways I am not looking for replies and even if you do reply there are too many trolls that I refuse to read responses (including on social media accounts).

I really just wanted to voice my thoughts and get them down as often I feel shitty and I think one day I may finally sort that out. And yes so many people are aware of this. Whether they believe it though, I do not think so and honestly I don't care if they do. If they want to act on believing and caring they would and some people have. The extremely shall we say rare gems in life that actually care about others and know how to show it.

For a better understanding I have told yes via text but it is still communicating, about cutting to several relatives and a work colleague who subsequently told management (to say he will not ever be told of my thought on this again well that is clear). My relatives what did they do? F all. Go and see a therapist. Yes because talking to a stranger and no body giving a f about me and feeling depressed helps.

Did they consider visiting me or making sure I'm OK by spending time with me and showing they love me? NO, a big fat NO. So yes family is not physically abusive, but I don't think when your relative says they cut themselves you completely ignore that. I just cannot fathom every doing that to the next generation of relatives I have (no it wasn't deep and yes it was a weird experience in that I wanted to get the emotional pain out for all to see. However then the probelm was it not professional for it to be seen at work. It was shallow but nevertheless marked for a little while.). It just highlights how very little they as some say gaf. And yes that is short for three words.

Anyways desire having no much desire to see a psych sometimes when you could lose your job, you are kind of forced to. And that is not the role where the colleague dobbed me into management who forced me to take time off work (because staying at home and wallowing in wanting to die was extremely healthy for me, not!l). I saw a few different ones and my current friend who I mention above that has been talking to me is unaware of this, however if the file they sent me hacked me phone then I think they will be aware of it now. This friend thinks psychs are not useful and I can agree on a certain level. I went to these psychs (psychologists to spell out the word and be more clear). They got money from me, saw me a few sessions and you poor your heart out to them, all the type of stuff written above and guess that they do? They tell you I'm sorry I don't think I can help you. I've seen you a few times and now you also want to reject me? I even told one that the previous one had rejected me and they still had the audacity to reject me. I should have reported them however when you are in a bad place sometimes it is difficult to have the energy to do much.

Anyways 2 of the people I saw rejected me, one was not useful, one was hard to see due to my work schedule and that one cut the session in half. And the finally one that place was a bit of a stitch up as made me pay a fortune despite that it should have been cheaper. That person seemed nice enough but I didn't have 100 dollars to keep giving them just to talk to them about stuff. As the person who I mention earlier has said you should be able to lean on friends for most stuff. And no he is no aware I went. Would I dare mention it to him and then him also say sorry you are too crazy, I don't want to talk to you? No

Becuase that is another probelm I have had, people reject you if you tell them you are suffering. Uni friends did exactly that. Past relationships whilst many have not cared and been extremely generous, kind and supportive with my trauma. There are those who one you tell them, they cannot run away fast enough.

Anyways no idea if this will ever be read by anyone or if I even want it read by anyone. However it is good to put my feeling down and have an example of how I feel, should I need to show it to anyone to better understand me Although likely not, as I don't want more time off to continue to feel shitty, I don't want more rejection based on these words. I don't have the strength.

I appreciate those who generously give them time and are supportive. The rare gems who actually listen about feeling shitty and actually understand and emphasise instead of dismiss. Albeit I am highly sick of always being the one to text first. To not hear for months from people. And no I have not mentioned the sibling and in order to attempt to remain anonymous I do not want to go into the lies, gaslighting, drunkeness and utterly inability to respond to messages such that I don't bother anymore. On regard to said sibling.

Anyways back to the few that listen. Thank you, you have no idea the change you make, in making life a bit more bearable. The one who I mention above who was calling me, you may never know the difference you made by coming into my life and telling me about your life. I am not sure yet, if that will ever come out as the friendship that I have with you is far too new and despite your lies about wifi oo valuable to me to risk losing by telling you this. I am already far too aware of your thoughts about depression, psychs, and I fear telling you would make you run a mile. I continue to appreciate you from afar and hope to be able to remain your friend for a long time. Despite thinking maybe, just maybe it would be possible to date since we are both single albeit living no where near each other. Despite willing to spend money I shouldn't in an attempt to see you in person far quicker than you could probably understand considering the length of time we have known each other (for you mean a great deal). It is fine for you to be cautious, of someone you haven't ever seen in person, that could be a potential spammer, that could try be after your money. Albeit I am not after anyone's money. I am not wanting to scam you and really all I seek is some good, supportive people or network of people who can lift me up when others try and succeed in pushing me down.

I thought in both being single and your bad experiences dating that I could support you albeit you are hung up on your ex. I had just hoped to show you not everyone of the opposite sex is horrid and out to get you. I hoped to just show affection for you as you have meant a lot to me.

I think I'm getting to end of my rambling. Essentially I wanted to get my thoughts down. If someone should read this, my hope is that they can be kind and not dismiss others. My hope is that they do not tell others to see a psych and actually listen to the person. My hope is that if you ask someone how they are that you will really listen to the person and support them if they say they feel awful. Let them speak. You don't have to say a lot, but ignoring or dismissing them is just cruel. Saying nothing to a person you work with is also cruel. Something that I to this say cannot understand how a person can behave in that manner. Essentially all I want is for people to be kind, you don't have to love or like a person to be kind. You don't have to truly care but you can make a huge difference by just listening and being friendly. Just as you can make a person's life hell by doing the reverse. Everyone is suffering and this my story. This is how I suffer and my story isn't over but tonight I end to out the suffering in words. For should I ever wish it to be over, the words ahave started to be rewritten, the why and who and how has began to be told. People don't understand mental heath, they don't like to associate with those with mental health issues they like to push them away which further complicates and alienates the person suffering. But this is my story about mental health. Albeit there is a lot missing from it, as I have only spoken to how I feel today albeit in a lengthy way. I am by no means an angel and have hurt people and continue to regret the hurt I have caused kind hearted partners in the past. Something I can never take back and did not understand how I hurt them at the time for many years afterwards. I don't know where this will go in internet land but hopefully it helps explain mental illness and the affect one person can have on others. I hope that one day my next generation of relatives will understand thy I wasn't in their lives when they were younger and be more accepting and supportive than the rest of my relatives.

I hope that oe day I can tell the person the affect they have had when we know each other better and that person will not reject me for admitting it. I hope really truly deeply hope people can learn to be kinder, less dismissive and just accepting of people. I will never understand why people are not friendly, I will never understand why they are dismissive or cruel. I hope that the laws will change as I know they can be terrible for children being place back in households with drug use and abusive situations. No child should be suffering and forced to live in an unsafe situation. The world needs a lot of change to be a better place and that starts with the behaviour of us all and the way we all treat each other.

[the-uncanny-dag]

I was mostly inspired by popsci "[insert condition] epidemic" shit like "obesity epidemic", "mental illness epidemic", "male loneliness epidemic", etc. Which are not only rife with horrific implications most of the time , but also plain incorrect & stupid from the terminological POV

You know how people throw the word "addiction" around willy-nilly? Sometimes it seems like people learned the word "epidemic" & haven't shut the fuck up since

can't say I've encountered that but my sympathy on whatever struggles you've been going through

[tallmantall]

James Donaldson on Mental Health - Americans are lonely and it’s killing them. How the US can combat this new epidemic.

Adrianna Rodriguez America has a new epidemic. It can’t be treated using traditional therapies even though it has debilitating and even deadly consequences. The problem seeping in at the corners of our communities is loneliness and U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy is hoping to generate awareness and offer remedies before it claims more lives. “Most of us probably think of loneliness as just a bad feeling,” he told USA TODAY. “It turns out that loneliness has far greater implications for our health when we struggle with a sense of social disconnection, being lonely or isolated.” Loneliness is detrimental to mental and physical health, experts say, leading to an increased risk of heart disease, dementia, stroke and premature death. As researchers track record levels of self-reported loneliness, public health leaders are banding together to develop a public health framework to address the epidemic. “The world is becoming lonelier and there’s some very, very worrisome consequences,” said Dr. Jeremy Nobel, founder of The Foundation for Art and Healing, a nonprofit that addresses public health concerns through creative expression, which launched an initiative called Project Unlonely. “It won’t just make you miserable, but loneliness will kill you," he said. "And that’s why it’s a crisis." What is loneliness? Loneliness occurs when the connections a person needs in life are greater than the connections they have, Murthy said. Because it’s so subjective, not everyone feels loneliness the same way or for the same reason. Nobel argues in his book, “Project Unlonely: Healing our Crisis of Disconnection,” there are three types of loneliness: psychological, social and existential. Some may experience psychological loneliness when they don’t feel like they have anyone to confide in or trust. Societal loneliness is feeling systemically excluded because of a characteristic, including gender, race, or disability. Existential, or spiritual, loneliness comes from feeling disconnected from oneself. “People can have all of these loneliness types at the same time,” said Nobel, who is on the faculty at Harvard Medical School and Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Loneliness is experienced throughout a person's lifespan, he said, and it can spiral as a result of trauma, illness and the effects of aging. It can also be exacerbated by technology taking the place of human interaction, which helps explain why young people report the highest rates of loneliness. A Harvard survey conducted in 2020 found that 61% of adults from 18 to 25 reported feeling serious loneliness, compared to 39% across the general population. Other populations that report a high prevalence of loneliness and isolation include people with poor physical and mental health, disabilities, financial insecurity, those who live alone, single parents and older populations. “This is why it’s so complicated when you try to address loneliness as a population health topic because it’s so varied based on the circumstances individuals have to navigate,” Nobel said. Americans are lonely Loneliness is by no means new to the human experience. But experts say it has worsened in recent years. As the American population becomes older and sicker with chronic diseases, the loneliness numbers have increased, Nobel said. Modern conveniences have also caused loneliness to expand dramatically across the population, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic. Data from the University of Michigan's National Poll on Healthy Aging showed loneliness among 50- to 80-year-olds had increased from 27% in October 2018 to 56% in June 2020, at the height of pandemic-era restrictions. Self-reported feelings of loneliness decreased to 34% in January 2023, and although the problem is not “as severe as it was during the pandemic, it remains elevated compared to before the pandemic,” said Lindsay Kobayashi, John G. Searle assistant professor of epidemiology and global public health at the University of Michigan School of Public Health. COVID-19 prompted a boom in delivery services and Zoom meetings, Murthy said which sustained society, schools and workplaces after restrictions on social distancing lifted. As a result, there are fewer opportunities for Americans to interact in person and build social connections. “We have to be intentional about building social connections in our life,” he said. People are also more likely to change jobs or move around the country due to the rise in remote work, which can disrupt meaningful connections. Social media has accelerated loneliness as research shows feeling lonely is more common among heavy users of these sites. Although "likes" and "followers" may make a person feel good at the moment, they don't foster genuine connectedness with other people, Murthy said. The Harvard study found that 43% of young adults reported increases in loneliness since the outbreak of the pandemic. About half reported that no one in the past few weeks had “taken more than just a few minutes” to ask how they were doing in a way that made them feel like the person “genuinely cared.” “You can be surrounded by lots of people and you can have lots of followers or connections on social media, but not necessarily feel like you’ve got somebody who knows you or shows up for you in a crisis,” he said. If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub How loneliness can impact health There's another reason experts are honing in on loneliness as a growing problem: it can harm a person's mental and physical health, making it a lethal combination. Tackling this massive problem would mean addressing the greatest preventable risk factor for mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, addiction, suicidality and self-harm, Nobel said. He noted that all of these mental health conditions can be triggered by and also exacerbate feelings of loneliness. “There’s a bidirectional relationship and that’s what causes spiraling,” he said. Spiraling is a downward cascade of negative thoughts that feed into loneliness, making the condition worse and eroding a person's self-esteem. The U.S. Surgeon General's advisory report found that loneliness increases the risk of premature death by 26% and isolation by 29%. Murthy said in terms of your lifespan, continuing to live in loneliness is equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Feeling lonely also increases a person’s risk of heart disease by 29% and the risk of stroke by 32%, according to the American Heart Association. What's remarkable, the surgeon general said, is how pervasive loneliness is. One in 2 adults in the U.S. are living with measurable levels of loneliness – it's a broader swath of the population than the number of people with diabetes, Murthy said. “Building social connections in our life has to be a vital priority.” Researchers are still learning why loneliness causes negative health outcomes, but they have a few working hypotheses. Loneliness could trigger stress hormones, Kobayashi said, which causes inflammation and dysregulates bodily functions. Feeling lonely could also cause people to adopt unhealthy lifestyle behaviors like poor diet, smoking and substance use. Lonely people may also be less motivated to seek preventive care, adhere to medication and practice self-care, Nobel said. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com The solution: Social connectedness If you’re feeling lonely, you’re not alone. Experts say recognition and awareness are important first steps to escaping loneliness. “There are a lot of people struggling with loneliness and it doesn’t mean that you’re broken or something is fundamentally wrong with you,” Murthy said. On an individual level, there are things that people can practice that could prevent them from feeling lonely. He suggests taking 15 minutes a day to reach out to someone you care about, look for ways to serve others and make the time count by giving other people your full attention and putting devices away. Institutions, including schools, employers and health care systems, should also proactively adopt public health strategies to head off loneliness at the pass. Providers can practice “social prescribing,” Nobel said, a concept that’s already embraced by the U.K. Doctors screen for loneliness, as they would for depression and anxiety, and guide patients to community-based organizations that have partnered with health care facilities to address it. Beyond the health sector, the U.S. Surgeon General said public health leaders can also take a critical look at the infrastructure in local communities and digital environments to spread awareness and help build cultures of connection. Tackling the nation's loneliness epidemic will require that all sectors of society work together with a common goal, Murthy said. “We can’t take on a lot of these challenges alone. We need to be together. We need to be connected," he said. "That’s what strengthening the social fabric in our lives and communities is all about." Send tips to Adrianna Rodriguez: adrodriguez@usatoday.com Read the full article

[lovehealgrow]

Why Does Depression Feel Comfortable?

When you have depression, many of the symptoms don’t feel or look comfortable from the outside. Hypersomnia/insomnia, dulled feelings, beloved activities losing their luster, feeling lost and low, fatigue, brain fog– the list goes on. Depression dulls your ability to feel pleasure– so why does it feel comfortable to some people? While the assertion that depression is comfortable may appear counterintuitive, it is crucial to recognize that depression’s apparent comfort is rooted in complex psychological and emotional dynamics.

The Comfort of an Answer

For many people, the serious symptoms of depression appear long before a diagnosis. For some people, it can take years before they get an actual diagnosis. Just having an answer, even if it’s a difficult answer to live with, can be relieving and comfortable. Instead of just “feeling bad,” having a clinical answer can make symptoms easier to understand and live with. Having a known mental illness can make it easier to accept the symptoms and limitations that depression can impose on you, and that can be extremely comforting.

The Comfort of a Routine

One of the reasons why depression may seem comfortable is the familiarity of its routine. When you experience depression, daily life can become highly predictable, as the emotional numbing and withdrawal from activities often result in a limited range of experiences. This predictability can provide a sense of security, as you know what to expect, even if those expectations involve negative emotions.

The Comfort of Low Expectations

Depression often leads to a pessimistic outlook on life, characterized by low expectations and a sense of hopelessness. While this mindset can be profoundly limiting, it can also create a certain form of comfort, since it allows you to perceive fewer opportunities for failure or disappointment.

This low-expectation comfort zone can be particularly seductive because it avoids the anxiety associated with pursuing goals or taking risks. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, reinforcing the belief that nothing better is attainable.

The Comfort of Stability

Change, even positive change, can be daunting and trigger anxiety for some individuals with depression. The comfort of depression lies in its constancy; it is a known and familiar state of being. More importantly, it’s stable. Living with depression means living with internal instability. Mood swings and changes in symptom intensity can be destabilizing to a person’s emotional state, and many people with depression desperately want something stable to cling to– even if it means not dealing with symptoms.

Stepping out of this comfort zone and seeking treatment or making lifestyle changes can be terrifying because it introduces the unknown. The fear of change can lead to a sense of inertia, where you remain in your depressive state because it is what you know, despite the suffering it entails.

The Comfort of Isolation

A common feature of depression is self-isolation. Depressed individuals may withdraw from social interactions, avoiding friends, family, and social gatherings. And while loneliness is an epidemic with severe consequences, self-isolation can be seen as comforting because it eliminates the need for socializing. When you are struggling with depression, socialization is daunting. It takes so much energy, and depression loves to lie to you about other people’s perceptions.

When you have depression, you often fear how others perceive you and think about you; there is often a dread of judgment and an expectation that people will look down on you simply for having a mental health condition. In the comfort of self-isolation, you are shielded from potential judgment, scrutiny, or rejection. The isolated environment becomes a sanctuary where you don’t have to face the complexities of human interaction, and when you have depression, that isolated environment may feel preferable to the risks of socialization.

Comfortably Numb

It’s not just a song title. Depression often involves the suppression of emotions, particularly positive ones. While this may seem counterproductive to well-being, it can provide a sense of emotional stability for some individuals. In their minds, suppressing positive emotions can prevent the inevitable crash when those emotions are contrasted with the pervasive negative feelings that accompany depression.

This numbing suppression can create a distorted sense of comfort by shielding individuals from the perceived volatility of their emotional states. In their view, avoiding joy may prevent disappointment or pain.

Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort

Depression’s seeming comfort is a complex phenomenon, and it’s important to recognize that this comfort is an illusion. Depression is a serious mental health condition that can lead to profound suffering and adverse consequences if left untreated, so even though it can be scary, recovery is worth it.

Helping individuals with depression requires empathy, support, and a nuanced understanding of their experiences. If you have a loved one who seems comfortable with their depression, there are things you can do to help. Encouraging them to seek professional help and providing a safe space for open dialogue, are vital for recovery and well-being.

If you or a loved one is struggling with depression, there is hope. Reach out to the therapy team atLove Heal Grow; our caring staff of talented clinicians are here to help.