#also that last bit about acceptance is hopeful theorizing on my part

[starweed]

my thoughts on itoshi rin and how his relationship with his brother has affected the way he has played football throughout the manga

to me it feels quite obvious that rin still cares about sae quite a bit. quite literally almost all of rin’s football career has been built around his brother, from the beginning of it to the u-20 match.

in the beginning, it started with rin thinking that sae looked cool and wanting to watch with his big brother play. then people realized he was actually pretty good at football himself, so he decided to start playing with sae because, “why wouldn’t playing football with your brother be fun?” this is when football was fun, it was mostly just hanging out with his big brother and eating ice cream together. we also don’t really know much about this time in rin’s life other than a few manga panels, so i don’t have much to say other than this is when got into football and he enjoyed it. i do feel like at first he mostly enjoyed it because he was playing with sae.

then, sae goes to spain, and this is when we first start to see changes in rin’s football. it’s in this stage that rin’s football both becomes about getting better and is when he first starts to enjoy it without sae. it becomes about getting good enough so that he can still walk with sae on the path to becoming the two best strikers in the world. it’s still enjoyable, but it’s mostly fun because he knows that sae is going to come back and they’re going to be great together. sae’s going to come back and they’ll both have gotten better and football will be even more enjoyable.

then sae actually comes back, and it’s apparent that all is not well. their confrontation happens and the football that rin had built up in the time that sae was away crumbled around him. football was no longer about playing with his brother, that had been made abundantly clear to him by sae himself. i imagine that it takes a bit of time for rin to decide what to do with himself after that. we just get a fade to black in the manga after rin and sae’s confrontation in the manga, but we do know that it was in winter. i don’t know how seasons in japan work or when football season is, but i imagine that having rin’s and isagi’s big life changing moments happen on the same day would be kind of unlikely (but who knows, this is a sports manga and the timeline is blurry).

the next change to his football is likely when he gets the letter to blue lock. this is when football becomes a tool to use in the goal of proving sae wrong. proving that he did deserve to be part of sae’s life, and that sae was in the wrong for saying what he did. football was now about making sae feel like rin did with the added weight of guilt. making sae feel guilty about how he treated rin when he returned from spain. blue lock is just a way for him to streamline that process. the facility gives him access to top trainers and training facilities, as well as the opportunities he needs to get back at sae. this football isn’t about enjoyment or happiness or anything that the football he played before was about. this football was about his anger and his need for revenge, at the same time it was also about his want for his older brother back. his want for his brother to love him like he used to, to wrap him up in his arms and take him out for ice cream and sit by the ocean with him. this football was football filled with grief over the fact that his relationship with his brother will never be the same because he is not good enough.

then the u-20 match happens, and this marks yet another change to rin’s football. this is when sae manages to fully cement himself as a world class jerk in both my mind and in rin’s. after this match rin is pissed off, like he is mad mad. he takes some of that anger out on isagi because he’s a) the one that sae praised, and b) the one who walked up to rin who was clearly spitting mad and tried to have a conversation. but after the u-20 match, this is when rin starts to play football for himself. this is when rin lets go of playing for sae altogether, and i am so excited to see what that looks like. this is rin accepting that if sae’s going to be a jerk to him for the rest of his life then he’s not going to let him run it anymore. this is rin not letting go of all the bullshit that he went through with sae, but accepting that it happened and kind of moving on.

of course, this is all from rin’s perspective. i’d like to see what sae thinks of what went down between the two of them, it’s likely much different than how rin views it.

at the time that i’m writing this post (ch 231 of the manga is latest chapter) we haven’t seen any of our paris x gen pals since they chose their team, so that means we haven’t seen rin in a while. i feel like rin’s new play style will be extremely interesting to see (especially from isagi’s pov, it’s like that boy can’t not wax poetry about rin), especially since pxg’s mentor is julian loki. since he’s in the same age range as all of blue lock it’ll be interesting to see how he handles the team.

and the u-20 match really good writing, in my opinion. it really expands on rin and sae’s relationship in way that hadn’t happened before and hasn’t happened since, at the time of this post, and that context is why i can even make this post.

hope that you enjoyed my ramblings about rin, i just think he’s neat

[yazthebookish]

I loved all of what Sarah highlighted in her interview today and I'll elaborate a bit especially on the romance part:

In Maas’ fantasy worlds, love interests often exist as fated “mates,” with invisible strings between them that are powerful and often poetic. Readers can see the literary metaphors, like complementary powers between two characters. But other times, there are no metaphors, with their connection initially seeming random.

She's too attached to the mate trope and I like that she gives us different cases and scenarios for it, otherwise it'll be boring.

“Sometimes, I will write a scene with two characters that I’ve planned for them to get together, and then they have no …” She shakes her head slightly at me. “It’s like holding two dolls and being like, now kiss! And they won’t. … And then sometimes a different character will walk in and they will just” — she snaps.

I yelled at this part because it's as if she plucked the scene from Azriel's bonus chapter and used it as an example. Those parallels between Elain and Gwyn are intentional. It doesn't mean Elain is bad it's just their dynamic doesn't work as a couple and it was obvious to the author. I know she didn't specify who this was about but like, come on, who tried to kiss and which character showed up in a bonus chapter after that depressing scene and gave a glimmer of hope?

“It feels like magic in a way where, as much as I tried to plot out things years in advance, I let my characters guide a story. And they usually wind up with the people that they need to be with and who offer them the most growth and joy.”

I love this so much and allow me to speak about my favorite ship and its because the snippets we saw of Az and Gwyn together especially in the bonus chapter brought out a lighter version of Az. His scenes with Gwyn were light-hearted and the bonus chapter ends on a hopeful note for them. It's hard to deny that connection between them whether you theorize she's luring him or they're mates, those theories wouldn't exist if she had no ties to him (she's in his own chapter like come on).

I go the philosophical route with my next question: We’re talking about fate here, but at what point is a character the agent of their own fate? What happens if someone rejects their mate? (Listen, if I were Fae and I didn’t like my mate, whatever God chose for me is not my business.)

People are jumping the gun and assume this example is set to be Elucien but... we have Helion and Lady of Autumn likely being an example of a tragic rejected mates story (if you read ACOWAR and their history it's obvious they're mates). Maybe it's Mor and Eris and that's the secret that ties them to each other. We have other characters from other series too.

For a convincing mate rejection story in my opinion, it needs more than one book or it's a case that we see with side characters where we can see their history and the long-term implications of a rejected bond.

It's too easy of a story to have one person's central conflict be the words "no I reject you" and they're done. Again, this is not exclusive to ACOTAR but also her other series.

“That’s something I find to be very interesting,” she replies. “What if the forces that be put you with the wrong person? Or what if you just decide, eh, I’m not interested. … There’s a lot to explore within the concept of mates and your agency about it.

The concept of agency is something many readers in the fandom discussed especially when it comes to mating bonds and there were arguments on (would Rhys fell for Feyre if she wasn't his mate or would have Cassian fell for Nesta if she wasn't his mate). We know that some mates don't work out but stay together because their dynamic is unhealthy (Rhys's and Tamlin's parents). We got examples of a loveless mating bond already.

We also saw that Nesta didn't immediately accept the term "mate" because it would mean cutting off her last tether with humanity. It's not a matter of "you're my mate" "yes I'll be with you", the dynamic between the mated couple is important to explore.

“I’m not going to say if I am exploring it in future books or not,” she continues, “but it definitely offers a wealth of things to explore with this concept of freewill and what is true love. Is it something that’s destined? Or is it something that you make? Is it both?”

This part aligns with what I think about Elucien. We never had a mated pairing who knew they were mates but are not in love with each other. Every mated couple found out they're mates when they were already in love.

Can a destined love turn into true love? Or do you settle for a destined love without love being in the equation. Love wasn't in the equation for Rhys's parents, but love was the equation for Feysand and Nessian. Elucien was left unexplored for a reason and both Elain and Lucien view each other by label "mate", they didn't have a chance to get to know each other. So it's going to be very interesting to see them navigate their feelings for each other despite the mating bond.

I didn't expect her to elaborate a lot on this but I love that she did and I hope in future interviews she gives us more good bits about her writing and examples of the decisions she took for some characters and couples.

Didn't expect this post to be long but happy reading! I'm still reeling from HOFAS 🥲

[acourtofantumbra]

HOFAS Review (+ a stream of consciousness...)

With a full 24 hours to sit with finishing HOFAS I have some thoughts and will likely sit with all of it a while longer to make all that I'm thinking coherent...

TLDR: I didn't like this book. I thought it was an unprecedented miss from SJM. If that take might upset you, please, ignore me! I'm genuinely really, really happy if after two years folks felt like this was a huge win. Genuinely.

But the broad strokes are:

I was a CC girl. I saw a lot of folks had a hard time with CC2 and I think I was in the camp of "actually, mostly liked it, but def ballooned by the last 200 pages (which were fire)." I love CC1. CC in particular was the series to finally convince me to start recruiting my friends into the SJM world. Over two years me and my friends are closer than ever, reading all kinds of fantasy. It's my fave thing in the world. But, other than ACOTAR 1, this is probs the only book of hers I actively dislike. It's firmly slotted CC into my third place for all of her series when it used to rank 2nd.

I've seen a lot of folks frame it as: you're disappointed because it wasn't ACOTAR, this was a book for the theorists, you spent two years overhyping what this could be, etc. I suppose I accept the last point to some extent. I came into this book a bigger fan of CC than of the whole of ACOTAR... I genuinely wanted Crescent City, not ACOTAR. And, if this account is any evidence, I am a big theory girlie. This was a hastily written, chaotically paced, surface level mess that kept itself afloat with gratuitously long infodumps. My love of theories did me no favors (I got a lot of things right) and I realized that because there was no emotional connection in this book the "wins" felt completely lackluster. For a book that deals in quite a bit of soul talk... it felt soulless.

This book misses what SJM really excels at as an author - incredible characterization. She might have a cast of 10 people, but we know all of them, love all of them. The absolutely batshit plots that have been layered over 15 books are always grounded, bolstered, and absorbed through symbiosis via her characters. The way I can, 24 hours later, barely remember plot points is completely attributed their lack of emotional connection to the characters themselves.

For ex, the entire resolution of the Avallen plot and the Flynn siblings earth magic freak out would have had so much more emotional impact if we a) knew Tristan's sister better b) cared about this location that yes we've theorized about but had only just arrived at (and mostly experienced via cave). So it was really written as this moment of catharsis - after some of the most overt, unrelenting info plot dumps for pages on end - that felt unearned.

Essentially, this was almost 900 pages of exclusively plot. And I'm actually so sad that this is effectively goodbye to the leads of this story because, despite spending 900 pages with them, I feel like I barely saw them. It's part of the reason why my fave part of CC3 are the bonus chapters. They're just moments to actually spend with our characters, be reminded of their personalities, their connections, and what they'd do in moments of stillness, weirdness, or kind of perfect mundanity. That atmospheric joy was always one of my favorite parts of falling for the CC crew.

Anyway, for the folks who are like sorry this is for the theorists... I hope this is the last time we get a book like this then. As someone who loves this - not just for SJM books but for all the fantasy series I read - world building without a strong foundation of character is not actually good writing. And this was bad writing - plain and simple. This felt like a checklist. And the glaring quality differences of each of the book's three parts, along with SJM's admission that this version of CC3 was a 5 week rewrite, leads me to believe a lot of this book was like SJM writing herself out of a corner. A means to an end. Also, I've never caught typos in an SJM work and... I caught a lot. Also why did we switch POVs like we were being held at gun point (I wont even get into the Tharion and Ithan of it all).

After that huge reveal in CC2, this book was always gonna be a massive thing to live up to. It needed to lay down so much groundwork for all the worlds, all the future books, to be able to play with. And that mission became of primary importance over the people and the world itself. There were too many plots, far too many characters, and we spent the entire time in what felt like "the future possibility" instead of taking a look around and sending off this main plotline and hanging out for a bit.

At one point I texted my SJM groupchat, all of whom are equally dismayed, like this book is essentially 4 infodump coversations and then every character going and telling 4 more characters that conversations and so on. And inexplicably we had to be present for every instance.

I celebrate the Lidia plotline from this book - the most emotional and satisfying (I still think it could have been done even better). Of course there were sprinklings of other things that were great fun. I read it fast in true SJM fashion. I think I'm only harsh because I only grade the queen against herself... and there were just countless times where I thought, "Sarah you're so much better than this... what am I even reading?"

Anyway, I guess I'm glad to put this chapter to rest. I'm excited for the future of ACOTAR and can only hope she employs the lessons she learned while writing ACOSF (a book with a ton of heart). Also, obviously delighted by the really strong focus on TOG easter eggs for whatever future that might entail (give me Manorian... please Sarah).

I think I'll just need to be in mourning for another second. And tbh, it may be light's out on the desire to ever write a brainstorm theory post ever again. Sad! But also not a big deal in the slightest.

[comicgeekery]

Sherlock & Co. : The Three Students

I really like the framing device on this one, Sherlock needing to make a speech and faking out like it's going to suck. Very clever. I want to take a moment to theorize about Mariana. Like I said in my last post, she obviously has some secrets going on. And now we know she's got at least a minor history of rule-breaking that she feels intensely self-conscious about. Maybe a clue that she broke some laws at some point and feels really ashamed? I also feel like we're just getting to know her better lately as more tidbits have been adding up. She cares a lot about looking respectable, but actually is an intense fan of a lot of things (Taylor Swift, problematic boy wizard, and the singer from The Dancing Men). Sometimes her self-conscious nature makes her a little mean about anyone being "weird". I think it comes up with John more than Sherlock, since John is the one who cares so much about being liked by everyone. If Mariana pokes him he'll actually understand and engage with her on debating what's acceptable. As for the Mrs. Hudson bit, I suspect that either Sherlock calls her that because it's some sort of sly hint that he knows something about her hidden past, or Mrs. Hudson was an important caregiver to Sherlock at some point and he often slips into calling kind women who take care of him Mrs. Hudson as a result. I hope at some point we get to see a significant one-on-one between Sherlock and Mariana. I wonder what their vibe is like at this point. Back to the episode! 1. It is very cute that John is calling Archie "their" dog now. 2. It was actually really nice to have a relatively low-stakes case for once. 3. John. Baby. You edit these episodes. Why did you make yourself into SUCH an idiot for this one? There was no reason to include you waking up Mariana and vomiting in her bathroom. Do you see your value as being the show's humor? Is this another thing you seriously need therapy about? 4. For some reason my Spotify has been switching to part 2 of The Red-Headed League whenever I let it go from one episode to the next and I got the brief impression that the conclusion of Three Students was going to be a mega-intense, pulling-from-all-the-past-episodes, season finale thing. I was very relieved that no, it's really just a student cheating on a test. 5. Kayleigh. Kayleigh. This is why students lie about their grandparents dying. There were much better options! 6. That's not a criticism of the episode though. It actually fits very nicely with Sherlock's points about crime. It's often spontaneous, emotional, irrational, and petty. Yes, there were better options for how to deceive the school, but the best option was to not lie at all and do the responsible, if disappointing thing. 7. Hot damn would I love to see a "speech" like this. But was that class list a stealth set of listener shout-outs? It's gotta be, right? 8. Excellent mystery and acting. A decent amount of racial diversity. Still needs more queer!

[onomatopagu-et-cie]

@mare-sanguis !

Woahhhhhhh it’s true Lady Justice was brought up at least 3-4 times in the drama (the most significant moments during Joohyun and KSJ's exchange and when KMC realizes KSJ's plans in ep. 8), I didn’t think to search this detail, it was such an interesting read!!

That bit sounds pretty much relevant to the drama: « she has her right eye closed so that she doesn't recognize neither friends or rich people. And she has her left eye closed so that she doesn't recognize the poor and enemies (of the judge). With it, she doesn't judge by personal bias. And she doesn't have any hands either so she cannot accept bribes. »!

And « In the late middle ages, both depictions started to merge. But this bears the question: If no hands, how can she hold the scale and the sword? »!!

There's definitely a lot to say about the principles of independence and impartiality in justice and how the law aims to build lasting safeguards for them because it's a fundamental part of Due Process of Law!

I'm definitely keeping this fascinating note for my personal culture hehe

Going on a tangent a bit here, hope you don't mind!

Seeing you mention the « Shield of Bravery » reminds me of one of No. 1 Fan’s letters on December 22, 2018, where ‘shield’ and ‘penance’ appear: he was disgusted by the person with ‘a warped/twisted sexual desire’ (그가 is gender-neutral and he only mentions ‘a human being like me [and you]’) who used a false repentance as a shield to justify the actions they did all the while. The ‘last shield’ was also a keyword Joohyun obtained from her database.

This letter was also where he talks about the maximisation of pleasure (‘For some people, pleasure is what decides right from wrong and they use wrongful methods to maximize their pleasure’) BUT it was never addressed.

Said letter was theorized by Joohyun and KMC to be about BGC (that part esp. ‘I thought to myself you’d stuff their dirty money into their throats.’ and ‘revealing the true colors’).

Also even though it’s not directly related, I’m dropping this here in case it rings some bells for you; in the same letter he mentions [it’s] a ‘winter day where white snow angelically/ambrosially blankets the world’ (makes sense since it was sent on December 22!). I believe it’s a biblical reference but I might be mistaken!

(‘a german doing what we can do best: recognize german architecture’ got me laughing out loud haha, I’m afraid my clownish French ass couldn’t say the same though I just know we also have a beautiful architecture haha :’D)

Compliments overload my brain stopped working haha╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯💜

Is justice really blind?

In the drama we have been introduced to the "Lady Justice" several times by now and she in fact takes a very important role in it, even if only in the background.

And throughout the drama, there are a handful of scenes where the characters question "why is she blind(folded)" and we also see pictures of her in KSJ book which depicts her blind version. We can see this very clear by one of the last scenes in ep.8 where KMC picks up the book from his table and flicks through the pages followed by a flashback of KSJ saying "This always bothered me. Lady Justic wears a blindfold because she's afraid of bias in decisions"

But is this really historically and mythologically accurate? Was "Lady Justic" (who btw goes by so many more names) really blindfolded? And if so why?

This post while explain:

The location and date of build of the Lady Justice depicted in KSJ book

Why the location/date is important

Depictions of Justitia

What did she really look like? What are her origins?

The meanings of her three (Actually 5) distinct features

How does it relate to the drama?

First of all, lets adress the Lady Justice' depicted in KSJ book. On of them- the one circled- is a statue of her located in the Old Town of Frankfurt am Main, Hessen, Germany. Below, there is a better photo of her exact location.

The Justitia statue fountain is a fountain called the "Gerechrigkeitsbrunnen" sculpted by Friedrich Schierholz in 1887. Its a replica of a fountain sculpted in 1611 (which again, was also a replica of a fontain built in 1543). The 4 virtues depicted below Justitia are:

Iustitia (Justice)- with sword of judgment and balance.

Temperantia (Control)- Moderation, distributing a liquid between two pitchers.

Spes (Hope) with a dove on her arm.

Charitas (Charity) with two children, one of whom she is breastfeeding.

Why is the exact location or more date when she was built important to the question of "Is she really blind(folded)?"

Because, when the fountain was build, only then the whole myth of "Justice being blind" started.

It actually dates back to the mid 15th century where it first started as her being one eyed, then suddenly she was blindfolded. And the first known representation of her being blind is Hans Gieng's statue on the Gerechtigkeitsbrunnen in Bern, Switzerland built in 1543.

Different depictions of Justitia throughout the years/centuries.

There exist several renditions of her and they all changed over time. One source tells about a mortuary temple in egypt, honoring Pharao Ramses the Great. And it is said that in this temple there is a scene depicting judgment wher the associate judges had no hands and the presiding judge had closed his eyes. And from this, another depiction of Lady Justice developed in the middle ages: Justice, depicted as a woman, blindfolded and without hands. The sources then say "she has her right eye closed so that she doesn't recognize neither friends or rich people. And she has her left eye closed so that she doesn't recognize the poor and enemies (of the judge). With it, she doesn't judge by personal bias. And she doesn't have any hands either so she cannot accept bribes."

Which means, two versions - Justitia without hands and blindfolded, and Justitia with hands and blindfolded- coexisted then at the time.

In the late middle ages, both depictions started to merge. But this bears the question: If no hands, how can she hold the scale and the sword? In one of the older depictions of the "Combined Justitia" in the Lawbook of the City Eisenach, Thuringia, Germany- there she is with only one arm, holding the sword, while the scale is placed on the stump of her arm. At the same time, one of her eye is covered while the other isnt.

This later resulted in Lady Justice being blindfolded on both eyes.

But why was Justitia suddenly blindfolded? There is no exact answer to this question, only theories. One says "it seems to have been added to indicate the tolerance, or ignorance to, abuse of the law by the judicial system."

But how did roman/greek Justitia originally look like? What are her general origins?

"Lady Justice" was originall not blindfolded (and also not blind), and because of her "maidenly form" is supposed to guarantee her impartiality which renders the blindfold completely redunant.

In original iconographies of the ancient roman times Justitia was never blindfoded. She only held a sword and as scale, wore something akin to a crown and her Toga (more on these things down below)

Her origins date back to the ancient roman time (or greek, if we follow her greek counterpart Dike) and roman mythology where she was introduced by the emperor (Caesar) Augustus- and thus not a very old deity of the roman pantheon.

Justice was one of the virtues celebrated by Augustus in his "Clipeus Virtuis" (lat.: Shield of Bravery)- a temple of Iustitia was then established by in Rome by emperor Tiberius on January the 8th, 13 BC.

In roman mythology she only plays a role in one part which is the myth of the "Golden age" (based on the greek myth by Hesiod in his poem "Works and Days"). Here Justitia, identifying as Astraea, is the last of the celestials, leaving a "crime-filled earth" of the iron age to return to her supernatural homeland. Other sources say, she gets transported to the sky as the constellation of the Virgin.

She finds mention in the greek term "Dikaiosyne"- There she is counted by some priests as the one of the cardinal virtues.

What does the scale, sword, crown, toga and blindfold represent?

The scale: represent weighing facts and evidence to decide a verdict. It also shows her duty to restore balance to society

The sword: represented authority in ancient times, and conveys the idea that justice can be swift and final.

The crown: its represent authority and strength

The toga: a Greco-Roman garment which symbolizes the status of the philosophical attitude that embodies justice.

The blindfold: Is intended to show Justice as blind to the injustice carried on before her, but it has been reinterpreted over time and is now understood to represent impartiality, the ideal that justice should be applied without regard to wealth, power, or other status.

So, how does it relate to the drama?

Its really nice to see a drama actually diving deeper into the meaning of her, especially questioning her role in the whole judicial system and why she looks the way she looks (also, the dramas focus on her in general is really nice- shes basically omnipresent all the time): Just like the drama, she is a rather ambiguous figure. Her appearance changes for who ever looks at her, her symbolism changes for who ever looks at her. For some, she is justice, for some she is nothing more than a chess figure.

(fun fact: i was able to figure out where the fountain is located not by the statue but by the small bit of the rooftops we see in the photo. umm... a german doing what we can do best: recognize german architecture haha)

Also, who ever has not yet looked at @onomatopagu-et-cie threads on this drama should definitely check them all out ♡

[goldnkuro]

´ ´ BREAKING NEWS - kingdom ` `

[BREAKING NEWS!] Netizens Shocked When Celestial’s Noir Was Confirmed To Participate In Mnet’s ‘Kingdom: Legendary War’

What is your opinion on this?

Mnet‘s ‘Kingdom: Legendary War’ is an all-male sequel to the all-female music competition show, ‘Queendom’ (2019). The show features ATEEZ, BTOB, iKON, SF9, Stray Kids, and The Boyz as competitors. The Boyz won a preliminary competition for the show, ‘Road to Kingdom’.

Or at least, it was supposed to be an all-male sequel. When Cube Entertainment confirmed the participation of BTOB in MNet’s new reality show, it was said there would be a small surprise with the boys, which made all their fans start theorizing on which surprise it could be, and on January 27th, the suspense was replaced with pure shock when BTOB’s company announced the four idols would be accompanied by no one other than Cube’s golden girl, Celestial’s Noir.

That announcement caused quite the controversy, as ‘Kingdom’ was supposed to be the male counterpart of ‘Queendom’, and yet a female idol would be participating, which made various netizens question the reason behind it, and the bigger number demanded Cube to rethink about their decision as she wasn’t even part of the group. However, there were some few netizens who accepted and even supported Cube’s decision, as they thought the female idol would be a great addition to the group since two of the members are still in military service.

“And yet again, Cube still makes questionable decisions. Not a surprise. ㅋㅋㅋ”

“I understand Noir is talented and is their gold mine, but this is a male reality show, and last time I checked, she is in a girl group.”

“Just wait for a second season of Queendom, but don’t force a girl with a bunch of boys...”

“I just wanted to take a quick nap, and this is what I woke up to? Give me a break Cube… And how did Mnet agree with this?”

“I’m okay with Noir participating if I’m being honest.”

“It would be unfair to the other groups if they let her participate…”

“Noir’s really talented, she would be a great addition to BTOB. She has my full support, FIGHTING!”

“Indeed, she’s really good at what she does, I’m sure she can blend in well with the boys, just think she’s the 5th member, except a bit more feminine than the rest! ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ”

“Instead of bi***ing around, why not give her a chance? She has worked with the boys before, so you might like seeing her performing with them.”

“I don’t care if she ends up participating or not, I’m just here to see the performances and enjoy the songs.”

Cube hasn’t made any pronunciation since the announcement of Noir with BTOB, but they made it clear that Celestial’s main dancer would be participating in the reality show.

We wish the six groups all the luck and the best for ‘Kingdom: Legendary War’! Are you excited to watch the competition between them? Which of these groups are you rooting for?

a/n: as someone who absolutely loved kingdom, even though there was a lot of controversy bc you know, Msnake. but i especially loved the interactions between the groups, and i really wanted my baby to be part of that but i wasn’t sure if i should, until i said fuck it and ended up doing it! bc you know, this is fanfiction and i can make anything happen (within reason, ofc). and since celestial is also in cube, it did make things easier for me to infiltrate soo-young inside btob lol.

but still, i would love to receive your feedback on it, or just chat lol i promise i don’t bite! i actually would be excited to randomly chat either about random things or talk about my baby’s content, and it would mean the world to me!! 💞💞 thank you so much for reading, i hope you liked this small spoiler for what’s to come and remember to always stay healthy! 💞🥰

(just a small spoiler besides this one, i’m working on something else related to soo-young with a specific bgroup, and since it written in a more ‘story’-ish way, it would take a bit longer until i post anything related to it, but if anyone wants to know about it, just drop an ask and i might give some pretty obvious hints 😉🤭)

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

I feel bad for JK. He's the jealous BF in every pairing. I say support who you want, but if JM came out tomorrow and said come out of your imagination about Vmin (The way V did about TK) or V went on camera saying his and JM's relationship was awkward (The way JK did about V), I would pack it up. Yet Tkrs continue to disrespect Tae and JK. Sometimes JKrs too cause they also cast JK as the jealous, insecure boyfriend. Too bad, neither group sees One half of their ships are in love with each other

This turned into a bit of a rant, I hope you don’t mind...

Leaving aside my opinions on T*ak*ok and J*k*ok as “romantic ships” and focusing just on the actual people, or more specifically on Jungkook (as well as those who use him for their ships in toxic manners), I very much agree. 

Jungkook is a good person, a kindhearted one at that, he works incredibly hard, he’s incredibly hard on himself, holds himself to a sky high standard, and is a perfectionist at that, he tries his best regardless of what it is he’s doing, his heart is so big, pure and filled with love not only for his hyungs but also for ARMY, even though some have done him incredibly dirty in the past, and others continue to do so to this day and chances are they likely won’t stop any time soon. Jungkook is also a romantic, someone who believes he will hear bells when he’ll meet/look at the person he’s destined to be with/his one true love, someone who wrote Still With You for ARMY and tried his best to convey his emotions just right, who even has the word tattooed on his hand, is someone who’s sensitive to smells, likes doing laundry and snuggles against his hyungs when he’s cold. He cried and was inconsolable when Hobi temporarily left Bangtan, recorded a song cover in 30 minutes simply because Namjoon said the song would fit his voice, and he painted a pretty painting for Hobi simply because he asked him for it.

Remember when Jungkook was a guest on Yoongi’s ‘radio’ in May 2020? How nervous he was and how he felt the need to explain himself and apologize to ARMY for potentially having upset us, even though, realistically, there was nothing really there for what he would have to apologize and with how some were quick to throw him under the bus (again), if anyone should’ve apologized, it would’ve been those people. To this day Jungkook continues to rarely be on social media, rarely posts a selca and goes on vlive even less, and honestly, I completely understand him. I would do the same, though I won’t pretend that I know his exact reasoning.

Like you said, there is a large portion of shippers (not all of them, of course, but I’m specifically talking about the bad ones here, and my opinions on these shippers have no connection whatsoever with my opinions on and love for the maknaes and their bonds, just so we’re clear) who have created this alternative reality version of him which shares no resemblance with who he actually is beyond the name and body. Somehow, they’ve created this jealous, possessive and toxic version of him that constantly feels the need to mark his territory, gets angry and has controlling tendencies toward either Jimin or Tae (oddly enough I haven’t seen that happen as much when he’s shipped with a member of the hyung line), depending on which camp you ask. How long did it take for “JK was so jealous” analysis videos to appear after RUN episode 128 and that moment of Tae kissing Seokjin’s cheek? An hour, two?

And if that’s not what they are doing, they overs*xualize him to the point where it just feels gross and so dehumanizing it crosses every imaginable line. Or they infantilize him as though he were still the teenage boy we got to know when they debuted 7.5 years ago, which is especially ironic and weird when the people who do this are younger than him.

Of course this isn’t just an issue with Jungkook, it’s something that happens with all three of the maknaes, but I feel like it happens a little differently (or manifests itself differently) for each one of them, and Jungkook, being involved in both of the main big ships, basically has it worst. He isn’t treated as someone they love or admire, not because he’s part of their ship but because of his talents and other qualities as idol and human being, but as basically a human Sim that shippers project their own fantasies onto. They lack respect and the bare minimum of human decency. They don’t care about him as person, barely care about his music if they can’t find a way to connect it to their ship, they just want him to look pretty and act accordingly so they can continue living their shipper lives and search for “proof”, even if sometimes that means twisting reality, ignoring context, and making someone out of Jungkook who he really is not.

And honestly, just like you, if Tae or Jimin would come online and say “get out of your imagination” about vmin, I would accept that immediately and move on. Sure, I’d be a little sad and surprised, but I wouldn’t look for ways to twist their words to create some kind of false deniability of their statement, wouldn’t try to find some kind of loophole that would allow me to ignore their words and continue doing what we do. But, unfortunately, many don’t think that way. Clearly.

At some point, I think, some have forgotten why we are here in the first place, as well as the fact that Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung are actual living, breathing human beings, and not fictional characters. We are here, first and foremost, for their music, since that’s what got us interested in them in the first place, right? Or at least that’s how it should be, though I know visual stans are a thing, and apparently shipping stans also seem to be a thing that exists. And sure, shipping is fun, having a pair you particularly like together for one reason or another, because you think there might actually be something there, like we do as vminnies, or because you simply like their dynamic, but the moment your entire existence as ARMY is merely revolving around your ship and finding ways to prove, against all logic and contextual evidence, that they are real, even if it means disrespecting the people that are part of your ship, as well as the other five people in the group they love more than anyone, that’s when you’ve gone too far. Way too far.

We know how much Jungkook loves the members, how much he respects them, and we know he had a bit of an awkward rough patch (at least partially) with Tae, since they told us about that, and he enjoys spending time and being silly with Jimin, and yet ship camp one and two have no issue disrespecting, belittling, badmouthing and erasing his friendships with either of them, or basically flat out calling him a liar (or a BH controlled puppet with no free will or ability to speak out when he doesn’t like something) because what he said about his friendship with Tae doesn’t fit their agenda.

Jungkook is basically stripped of all agency, humanity, free will, and everything else that makes him a person, an idol, and just an extremely talented and kind individual. They even try to take away his name despite the well-known fact that Koreans don’t change last names. It’s upsetting, unsettling, and wrong on every possible level.

I couldn’t care less which BTS duo others ship, I’m not the kind of person who will go and try to convince others that I’m right and they are wrong because, for all we know, we could all be wrong, but I think the least anyone in the shipping world can do is have enough restraint and humanity in them to show a bare minimum of respect for the people they ship and treat them like human beings, not Sims or dolls. Especially since we know the members are aware of all of this to some degree because there is no way they didn’t notice all the comments during vlives across the years, didn’t notice the videos on YouTube (we know Jungkook looks up reaction videos etc), and didn’t notice the posts on Weverse, after all we had Tae tell off a shipper.

All I really wish for is for people to see and treat Jungkook as the good, kind, intelligent and talented person he is. Ship him with whoever you want, that’s none of my business, but please respect him and see him for who he is, not who you’d want him to be so there would be more drama to theorize about. It’s the least he deserves. It’s the least all of them do.

[lady-delamort]

Red Hood and Komand'r/Blackfire

It has been more than confirmed for a while, since the main antagonists of the third season were announced, which will feature two powerful plots, the first half belonging to Red Hood and the second half to Blackfire.

But what does this really mean?

Join me in raving and theorizing a bit about the path that season three is apparently taking with the information we have so far.

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R E D H O O D

First part of the season

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The Titans have established themselves as a team after defeating Cadmus and saying goodbye to their beloved Donna. The darkness and guilt regarding the Tower's first attempt, Jerico's misfortune, Garth's death, and Deathstroke's ghost have left the tower, and its leader Dick is finally someone else: Nightwing, a new hero...

What else?

Old Titans like Dove and Hawk haven't worked on a simultaneous team in a long time, Kory has lost her powers, Gar is about to experience a transition of his own powers, Rachel is gone, and there are two new Titans (three if we count Joey inside Rose xD👌🏻✨). It still takes a lot of work to be a true team.

My theory is that this stage of Arkham Asylum, Scarecrow and Red Hood will have a resemblance impact on our Titans. Not only facing the old Robin as friend and former Titan, but also, how now they would begin to synchronize with each other as the team they should be, how to cope with a new, more accessible Dick and how they themselves will feel comfortable with each other.

Yes, at the end of the season we saw them all united by the pain of losing Donna, but when that has happened and they really have a goal to stop, just worrying about others is not enough, they are all going to have to be in a line similar to combat.

And all this in the city of darkness, Gotham.

I am one of those who is most excited about Blackfire and all the crazy party that it will bring, but it is more than clear that we have to put our heroes and their team to the test before the real bomb that hits them from where they least expect it, falls . And who better to test their ties and wills than Red Hood himself?

Although not everything seems to be a battle with our former Robin.

This image of Jason was posted by one of the Titans producers. What do we notice in this image? Pain, almost fear.

It is unknown if Jason will die and revive this season, either way he is obviously in trouble.

The last time Jason showed up, he no longer wanted to know anything about the Titans and less about Batman, so to think that he went his own way without asking for help from either of them and doing dangerous jobs as impulsive as him, is not so crazy.

So it was only a matter of time before he got into trouble.

I imagine him calling Dick and abruptly cutting off the call, our boy, scared by his partner, decides to trace the call and locate it somewhere in Gotham. So, all together, they decide to go there.

Taking advantage of the fact that Bruce intervenes at this stage to try to be a neutral point in all the team's disgrace (such as at the end of the old season) and Barbara putting them tense, letting them know that they are actually a threat more than a team. And so Bruce and Barbara go into a shot and loose between the morale of the Titans.

And to top it off, Arkham Asylum with the Scarecrow making Jason suffer to the point of turning him Red Hood.

I find it a bit difficult to see him as a real antagonist to Red Hood in the season when there are other problems crowding out there, but I suppose this first half of the season will end with a great team battle against the scarecrow, along with Red Hood (maybe); and when everything has calmed down, the Titans want Jason to come back, and he would take a different path again; without being able to save him from the violent and bloody path he chose.

A victory on the one hand and a defeat on the other.

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B L A C K F I R E / K O M A N D ‘ R

Second part of the season

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Our team ties were not put to the test enough, but there is certainly greater trust, greater affection, and greater camaraderie between them, as the official loss of Jason (and perhaps good news from Rachel and Donna, who knows) pushes the team to decide to return to their Tower, feeling more like a family than a group of misfits.

Especially Kory, who had felt so lost and alone at the end of season two.

Perhaps more Tamaraneans will begin to arrive, perhaps greater signs of Blackfire will appear, perhaps, several strange objects will even begin to appear that Kory knows perfectly well could be ships or weapons of her people. Whatever the reason, Kory will realize that Blackfire is closer.

Then she starts to walk away.

Because Kory has come to feel too good in the team to put them at risk with a problem of their own, especially now everyone is beginning to return to their own path, their destiny.

Will we see the team wanting to get closer to Kory? Dick trying to get into a very serious conversation with her? Gar, Dick, and Rachel getting in Blackfire's way to protect their precious friend?

I see it very likely.

Blackfire not only comes to pressure Kory to maximize her powers, to face her destiny and her past, to put her life at risk. Blackfire comes to shake all the Titans equally. Leading everyone's lives in danger and questioning their fate.

Being a hero, a vigilante ... is that what everyone really wants?

The threat of Blackfire will be something different than what everyone has experienced before, and with Kory walking away from them (one of the mainstays of the team), things are going to get very, very interesting.

Perhaps at the end of the season we will see the descent of Hank or Dawn as titans, already on better terms than before, because now they are not fleeing from something, but deciding a different fate than the vigilantes.

To all the Titans who find the true meaning of being a Titan. And accept it with all the horrors to come, knowing that you can overcome it, because you are together. And that makes them invincible.

I'm too excited for this season, I am NOT going to allow myself to think about how they could ruin it or how I could be disappointed and hope for the best, always the best for my favorite team of heroes. They deserve it. 💙

B O N U S

Does anyone have a theory or comment regarding how the Rachel and Donna subplot will play out this season? I feel that we have encompassed ourselves in the two big Arches and not in this small plot.

I feel that, as everything is going, they are going to dedicate a single chapter to them and I don't know what to think about it 😂💔. I feel like it's something very important but I can't think of a way to get excited about it when we have Red Hood and Komandr around the corner.

[snowdice]

A Twist of Fate {Part 5} (Everything’s Fine Universe) [Dice Roll 13]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Remus & Janus & Patton, Remy & Patton

Characters: Janus, Patton, Remus, Remy

Summary: It wasn’t unheard of for people to gain soulmarks later in life, but it was quite rare. Usually fate was set in stone. Yet, when one’s fated death was prevented, fate had to make some adjustments.

As he fell, Patton may have felt a strange prickling feeling across his skin. He however, was not paying attention to that, far too distracted and confused. All he knew was that by the time he hit the ground, both of his hands were covered with marks. Later when he went home he’d notice even more in other places, but the ones he noticed when he hit the ground were the obvious ones on his hands.

Then, there was Janus. Janus had only one soulmark on his body. At least. He had only one soulmark that hadn’t been burnt off years ago. When he landed on top of Patton, he did not notice the marks that suddenly appeared on his arms and face. Patton did, however, notice two little designs appear on him: one along the side of his nose and the other right below the scaring on the left side of his face. The second was already colored in by the time they hit the ground.

Universe: Soulmate AU and Superhero AU

Genre: The Dice Roll said fluff and it is… but… it’s more fluff and angst, hurt/comfort-ish

Notes: Child abuse, homelessness, malnutrition, acid burns, platonic soulmates, car accidents mentioned, blood mentioned, death mentioned

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Janus woke in a bed and immediately panicked. A million terrified thoughts about why and how he was in a bed rushed through his mind before he even had a chance to peak open his eyes. Yet, then, through the darkness of his thoughts, he felt familiar little feet digging into his back. With a slow breath, he opened his eyes and craned his head around to find Remus smashed into the twin sized bed with him. He gave his head a few seconds to catch back up with his situation.

The bakery man, Patton. Remus had predicted Patton’s death, and Janus had saved him. That action had changed fate so much that Janus and Remus had both gotten new soulmarks. Janus wasn’t even sure how many each of them had gotten; he hadn’t bothered to check yet. However, he did know that one of the soulmarks belonged to Patton.

It was absolutely terrifying. A parental soulmate. If it had been any other type of soulmate, it would have been easier. The problem with a parental soulmate is that if Patton wanted to, he could basically legally keep them. They were both minors with no biological parents left. Very few people would argue the point even if Janus and Remus went in kicking and screaming. Plus, being forced to stay in one place with adults who refused to listen would be a death sentence, and even if it wasn’t, they’d still be trapped. The blue star on Janus’s face was for all intents and purposes a mark of ownership. As someone who had lived in a cage for a few years, it didn’t exactly sit well with him.

But.

But, no matter how dangerous Patton may end up being to them, Janus knew with the state of Remus’s visions, they didn’t have a chance on the outside.

Remus had explained exactly what had happened after they “went to sleep” last night. Janus knew already that large changes in fate could potentially muddy a psychic’s vision for a time, particularly when said change personally affected the one having the visions. They didn’t often have to deal with this fact, as Remus was currently one of the two most powerful psychics in the world, his birth having been prophesied as far as hundreds of years ago (bar some important details), and as such small changes didn’t mess with his powers as much as they did other psychics’. However, there had been two instances where his abilities had dampened to a noticeable degree.

The first time had been when he’d helped Janus escape Halo Mark, though he’d still gotten enough feedback to keep them from getting recaptured. That instance had also corresponded to Remus and Janus getting new soulmarks, though each of them had only gotten one that time: the sibling ones for each other.

The second time had been at a seemingly random time. He and Janus had been on the run together for around six months when his visions had suddenly dimmed considerably to both of their distress. Remus had no idea what had caused it but had noticed a change in the landscape of the future when his visions returned the next day. He theorized that it must have been a good change as he couldn’t see many new events, just the absences of some. Remus could only see bad future and past events, so him not getting an influx of new things, probably was a net positive for the world. His best guess was that whatever the change was, it must have caused the sudden and inexplicable erasure of the death of the superhero Moxie Man that had been fated to occur in over two decades.

However, this circumstance was not quite like those two other times, because this time Remus could see nothing at all. Fate was apparently still in flux after Patton’s life was saved. Until it settled, Remus would have no more idea what the future held than Janus. This was a problem considering that Janus and Remus as 12 and 9-year-olds living on the streets and at least one of whom was still being doggedly tracked by Halo Mark, routinely almost died every day. Remus’s visions were what guided them to food and shelter and away from murders and people who would put them back in cages.

Which meant Patton, with his willingness to provide food and shelter and not murder them on the spot for the time being was a known risk and better than the possible alternatives. They may very well still end up in cages or dead, but it was the only chance they had.

So, Janus had let Patton take them back to his house and feed them dinner. He’d accepted the clean clothes and the shower. The only protest that had left his lips had been when Patton suggested they sleep in the closed off basement citing the fact that there was a queen sized bed down there, and if Janus and Remus refused to be in different rooms for the night, it would be more comfortable. Instead, they’d ended up sleeping in what Patton said had been his childhood bedroom, full of posters and pastel colors.

Janus had not wanted to submit to sleep the night before, but his body had been exhausted, so he had ended up asleep after a few hours. At least nothing had happened during the night. He was still okay. Remus was with him, and he could see sunlight peaking through the curtains on the window. He was running on the hope that Patton would keep up the nice act at least long enough for Remus to get his visions back. Though, he was unsure what would happen if Janus and Remus tried to leave.

Janus’s thoughts were brought back to the present when Remus started doing his typical morning squirming. He’d be up in a few minutes. A hand flopped over Janus’s chest and he mumbled something before his feet climbed up Janus’s back. Janus winced as they kicked the back of his neck lightly. The boy’s upper half wiggled and then flopped part way over Janus as his feet continued to kick a pattern into the air. He let out a soft humming sound and eventually his body poured completely over Janus, so he landed in a heap on the other side. He then continued to wiggle.

Janus reached out to grab one of his flailing hands, and after a moment, he calmed down a bit. His eyes flickered open. “Janus?” he asked.

“Mmm.”

He reached out to pat Janus’s cheeks a couple of times. “I’m’wake.”

“I can see that.”

“Go’ ‘orning.”

 “Good morning, Remus.”

There were a couple more moments of sleepy calm. Then, Remus woke up the rest of the way.

He popped up onto his knees on the bed, jostling Janus a bit. His eyes widened when he noticed how bouncy his sleeping surface was, and he bounced a couple of times. “I smell food!” he declared, still bouncing as he said it. “Do you think it’s good food? It smells like bacon. Will Patton burn the house down? I can’t see if he will or not. He cooked good spaghetti last night. Is that easy to cook? Is he a good cook? Will it taste good? Will it just be bacon? That would just be protein and fat. Does he know that? Did you know you can get malnourished if you don’t eat enough carbs even if you’re eating enough calories? You can die from it! Should we go down for breakfast or wait until he comes and gets us? Will he be mad if we pick wrong? Will he never come up to see us if we don’t go down and then we’ll starve to death? Where are my clothes? This shirt’s too big, but it’s really soft. It smells like lavender. Is that his detergent? Did you know eating one of the laundry pods can make you die? I wonder if he uses the laundry pods or the liquid stuff. If I lick my shirt and there is detergent on it, will I die? He washed my usual clothes yesterday after I changed. Will they smell like lavender too? I should check!” With that, Remus bounced out of bed to go grab his clothes.

Janus followed him out of bed. Patton had washed the clothes they’d arrived in, and they were probably now cleaner than they’d been since they’d gotten them. Remus continued to chatter as they dressed about nothing in particular. He seemed rather content in this new environment even while Janus was in constant worry. Of course, he usually relied on his visions to tell him if something was bad and may just instinctually be assuming if he wasn’t seeing anything, everything was fine, so Janus wasn’t sure if he should completely trust the boy’s perspective.

Once they were both dressed, they headed downstairs hand in hand.

“Hi boys,” Patton said when they arrived at the bottom of the steps. He was in the kitchen, but had angled himself, so he had a view of the stairs. Janus wasn’t sure if that was to make sure they didn’t make a break for it or just him being eager to greet them when they woke. “Want something to eat?” He seemed to already understand the power of food, and Janus wondered if that would be used against them soon.

“Yeah!” Remus said with no hesitation, perking up. For someone who only ever saw the worst of humanity, he had been strangely trusting when it came to Patton. His eagerness made Janus bristle a bit.

“Why don’t you come wash your hands and sit. I’m almost done.”

“Do I gotta?” Remus whined.

“Wash your hands?” Patton asked.

“Yeah, I took a shower just last night! I’m clean!”

Janus almost rolled his eyes at that assumption but was too preoccupied with watching Patton’s expression. Patton was frowning slightly, and Janus found himself waiting for his reaction with bated breath. Clearly, he wanted to say yes, Remus had to wash his hands, but if they pushed him would he deny Remus food over it?

Patton dithered. “I would prefer that you did so,” he said slowly after a moment, “as it is a good habit to have. Not washing your hands before you eat can make you sick since you might be getting germs into your mouth. That being said, I can’t make you do anything.”

“Yay!” Remus cheered.

“Go wash your hands, Remus,” Janus instructed firmly before he ran away with the idea.

“Aw,” he pouted, but listened. He wandered off to do as Janus asked, and Janus and Patton briefly met eyes before Janus turned to follow him. Remus had tucked his tongue between his teeth as he stood on his tiptoes to turn the water on. He wouldn’t be able to reach the soap where it was, so Janus reached forward and handed it to him. Janus’s reward for his good dead was a face full of bubbles once Remus got it into a lather. Janus sighed.

Once Remus’s hands were clean, instead of going to the table, he padded off to stand next to Patton as the man finished cooking the eggs. They immediately struck up a conversation about bugs Remus had seen in the last month. Meanwhile, Janus quickly rinsed his face of bubbles before washing and drying his hands himself.

“And then if flew away!” Remus was saying when Janus turned back.

“Aw,” Patton said, “that’s sad, but I bet he had some stuff to do.”

“It got eaten by a bird two days later!”

“O-oh,” Patton said, but shook off his surprise a moment later. “I think my mom had some books about local bugs in the office. Maybe we can figure out what type he was.”

“Really?!” Remus said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Sure,” Patton agreed.

“Ooo, do you have any books on octopuses?!” he asked. “I love octopuses!”

“I’m not sure,” Patton replied, “but we can look, or I can get you one from the library.”

“Oh, and Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapanese beetles… are also pretty cool. Anyway, can we get a book about snakes for Evan.”

“Of course,” Patton said kindly as Janus resisted slamming his head against the counter. “Would one of you mind getting the grape juice out of the refrigerator, please.”

“Okay!” Remus agreed, skipping over to the fridge. Patton watched him go with a slight smile on his face that made Janus want to squirm with something. He couldn’t tell if it was a bad something or not, but it was definitely a something. Patton turned a bit to glance at Janus and quirked his lips up a bit more when he saw him watching. He returned his attention to the stove after a moment and poured the eggs into a prepared bowl. Then, he brought that along with a plate of bacon and toast to the table. He’d already cut up an orange for each of them and set it at every plate.

“He knows about scurvy,” Remus said, nodding in approval upon seeing it.

Patton let out a surprised laugh. “I do,” he said. “Do you like oranges?”

“Fruits are yucky, but it’s better than your body slow breaking down and swallowing a bunch of blood because your gums won’t stop bleeding,” Remus said, grabbing a piece of orange and stuffing it in his mouth.

“I… guess that’s right,” Patton said. “Maybe we can find a source of vitamin C that tastes better to you.”

“I don’t like broccoli!” he proclaimed.

“I’ll make a note of that,” Patton replied, amused. “Would you like me to get you some eggs?”

“Uh huh!”

Patton scooped out some eggs for him and hesitated with Janus before Janus held out his hand to take the bowl from him. He then offered the plate of bacon and toast around the table. “How did you two sleep?” Patton asked.

“Really good!” Remus answered. “I like beds!” Patton grimaced a bit, but Remus didn’t notice, too busy happily making himself an egg and bacon sandwich.

“And you, Evan?”

“Fine,” Janus replied, taking a bite of eggs. He blinked down at the eggs. Janus had made eggs on occasion while on the run, but there was something different about the eggs Patton made. They were a lot fluffier, and they tasted a lot better. In fact, the bacon and even the toast tasted better, though that may have just been that it was fresh bread instead of the day-old stuff they usually got. Plus, there was a lot of food, in fact, he was pretty sure Patton had no idea how much three people could eat in one go, because it seemed like he’d made enough for six. Janus stopped eating when he was full, and it was an odd experience to have two consecutive full meals. He felt a bit tired even though he’d only just woken up.

He felt himself mentally drift a bit as Remus and Patton continued eating. They were much slower since Remus kept rambling, and Patton kept trying to politely pay attention to what he was talking about. This was nice, he supposed. It was almost scary how easily he could feel himself settle around Patton. He couldn’t get attached or used to this. They’d have to leave eventually, he reminded himself harshly.

His attention was brought back to the conversation when Remus just about flipped his plate off the table with the way he threw his arms around. “Chocolate!” he exclaimed.

Janus looked over to see if that display of recklessness would make Patton mad, but it seemed to be the opposite. He seemed to enjoy Remus’s enthusiasm. “Chocolate chip or chocolate cookies?” he asked.

“Both!” Remus demanded.

“Double chocolate cookies then,” Patton said.

“Yay!”

Patton turned to Janus. “Would you like to help us make them?”

Janus nodded. “Sure,” he agreed, surmising they were talking about baking cookies.

“Great!” Patton said. “Can you help me clear the table?”

“If it means faster to cookies, yes!” Remus said, getting up and grabbing his plate and glass.

Janus grabbed his own plate with less enthusiasm and took it over towards the sink. Patton washed the dishes while he directed them around the room to gather different supplies for the cookie making.

Patton had just put the last dish on the drying rack and was drying his hands when the doorbell rang.

Janus immediately panicked because Patton could 100% have called the cops on them before they’d woken up. Patton seemed to sense his panic. “It’s just Remy!” Patton said. “Who… you don’t know. He’s a friend. A soul-friend. I totally forgot he was coming over today after his exam. I’ll ask him to leave.” He darted towards his front door.

Janus leaned over towards Remus. “Be ready to run just in case.”

Remus nodded solemnly even if he looked a bit sad, probably because he wouldn’t be able to make cookies if they had to bolt. Then, Janus followed after Patton on silent feet.

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 6 Part 7

[lesbianrobin]

have u done an analysis on endgame st ships? a penny for ur thoughts

i have not!! i would like two pennies please. my thoughts are not actually worth that much but i think i deserve them anyway. i’m gonna talk about some stuff that may seem unrelated or only loosely related to the question but i prommy it’s relevant <3 warning this ended up being like a thousand words somehow idk how that happened but i’m putting it under a cut bc i’m nice like that.

so! something that’s kinda unique/interesting to me about stranger things is how all of their ships are so clearly telegraphed and quickly developed. there’s a sense of... impatience, for lack of a better word. on the surface, it appears to be largely an effect of the cinematic style of the show; there’s very little room for questioning who someone’s gonna end up with or for slowly developing a relationship over time when you only get eight episodes every like. twoish years. AND you have about a dozen main characters AND evil government forces AND monsters from another dimension. it’s a lot to juggle!

stranger things has a lot to accomplish in a pretty short amount of time. the timeline of a single season usually spans no more than a week (excluding flashbacks/end-of-season timeskips), and well... nobody wants the important stuff to happen offscreen! i’ll use the stoncy love triangle as an example: jancy was originally intended to get together at the end of s1 after steve’s death, but since they decided to let steve redeem himself and survive, there was just no time to separate stancy and get jancy together without it seeming wayyy too abrupt. since jancy was always their plan, they didn’t want to leave nancy with steve, but they knew they couldn’t just have that boyfriend swap occur offscreen... which is why s2 Had to have a stancy breakup plot in order for the writers to accomplish their goal of getting jancy together.

the main characters in stranger things tend to maintain homeostasis between seasons, their circumstances and relationships rarely changing any more than the audience might have just assumed they would anyway (like lucas and max dancing together + sharing a kiss at the end of s2 and officially dating by the start of s3). steve and nancy are dating at the end of s1, so they must still be dating at the start of s2, and thus we must break them up DURING s2. joyce and hopper are friends with some deeply buried feelings in s2, so they’re friends with Less Buried feelings that must become apparent during s3. excluding the stancy situation (for reasons which i think are obvious but i will talk more about later), momentum is always forwards. mileven, lumax, and jancy argue, but they come back together, presumably more mature and stronger than before. 

all of this is to say that stranger things has thus far been rather dedicated to their starting ships. there isn’t much misdirection; mike’s crush on el is obvious from the start, nancy and jonathan share charged moments even while she is with steve in the beginning, lucas shows interest in max immediately and shares more significant interactions with her than the other boys from early on in s2, and the deep loyalty and care between joyce and hop is always apparent. steve and robin (initially intended to be together romantically) hold hands quite early in s3 and dustin asks steve about whether he likes her. 

the point? stranger things doesn’t dick around when it comes to love! they handle their ships with remarkable efficiency. in each season, it tends to be pretty obvious from the start who’s going to end up with who, and heading into the show’s fourth season, almost everybody is paired off: mike and el, max and lucas, joyce and hop, nancy and jonathan. which leaves us asking... are all of them going to last until the end?

we’ve only had one true breakup on the show so far, and as i’ve said before, the stancy breakup is an anomaly as it was essentially “righting a wrong,” allowing jonathan and nancy to get together as they were intended to do from the start. the only other romantic relationship to end on the show was between joyce and bob, and well... we all know why that ended, and it started/ended within the confines of a single season. 

stranger things tends to treat each season as an extended film, right? they draw inspiration from classic 80′s films, and each subsequent season after s1 is treated as a sequel (they are Literally referred to as stranger things 2 and stranger things 3). when they introduce tension in a season, they’re inclined to resolve that tension by the season’s end so that people leave satisfied, while also providing a plot hook for the next “sequel” for audiences to theorize about. this hook is always part of the grander plot, not a will-they-won’t-they tease or something else of the sort. remember, they could have broken up steve and nancy in s2 and waited to get jancy together in s3, but they didn’t! they wanted to go ahead and resolve the tension! 

while there are narrative and practical incentives that i’ve covered for this impatience/efficiency/[insert better word i can’t think of here], i also think it kinda reveals something about the writers of the show. to some degree, they genuinely care about and want their ships to be together! we’ve watched them introduce new characters just to kill them off a couple of times now, and i think it’s fair to say that the writers might be a bit too attached to the mains to consider killing any of them off (at least prior to the series finale). maybe... this reluctance to kill their darlings extends to ships.

romance isn’t the primary draw of the show, but an indulgence, something that there may not always be time for but that the writers continue to prioritize as much as they can because they enjoy it, or feel that it is important to the overall product. if we accept this idea, that the inclusion of and focus on so many romantic relationships in stranger things is (to some degree) indicative of the writers’ own desires, then it might inform our speculation regarding endgame ships.

i’m not here to like... really actually assert that i know what’ll be endgame, because i don’t really know jack shit. however, i do think that the writers are pretty invested in all of the current canon st ships (and yes, i am including jopper in that, as their romantic development was explicit in s3). i also think that the writers like catering to fans, leaning into popular jokes (steve “the hair” harrington) and devoting more and more time to the ships fans obsess over (particularly mileven). 

with this all in mind... i really think that most if not all of the current canon ships will be endgame. 

i think that barring any extreme circumstances (i.e. a character Actually dying instead of just fake dying) jopper will be endgame. they’re the only ones that the writers have had the restraint to actually do a slow burn with, and i really can’t see them devoting so much to developing their dynamic just to say it was all for nothing in the end. 

i’m less confident on the others. there are some signs in canon that the remaining couples have some serious problems and may not last, but these issues are often dismissed, played for comedy or brushed over within the text itself, and many of the details within the text contradicting this dismissal are often so small that it’s unclear whether they’re intentional or not. while breaking up mileven might make perfect sense for a fan who reads into subtext and pays attention to unusual acting choices and subtle parallels, it would be a pretty risky move on the surface level. allowing these ships to remain canon for awhile and garner large fanbases only to break them up later would require both a willingness to actively contradict the desires of their audience as well as a certain degree of restraint in their romantic storytelling, which runs counter to the impression i personally have of the st writers (this is, of course, my own personal opinion).

there’s a good chance that at least one of the current canon ships will break up by the end, if only because i think that it would be a little boring if every relationship stayed the same for almost the entirety of the show’s run, and the stranger writers like to keep things new and exciting. perhaps long distance will kill jancy or mileven, or lucas and max will go off again and never come back on, but either way i wouldn’t be surprised if we got a breakup in s4. even with that, though, i think it’s somewhat likely that a current couple may break up in s4 and get back together for the series finale, just for the sake of a little suspense. overall, though, i feel like our current canon ships are going to be more or less the same at the end of the show.

that’s about it. i suppose i didn’t really... answer the question you asked skdndsdkjc i feel like you probably just wanted to know like if i’m a byler endgame truther (which i am not but i could happily be proven wrong). thank you for asking, though! i hope this made at least a little bit of sense.

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

ooo if youre willing you could maybe write about the first kiss or first confession or both (pardon my greedy self) either is fine id love to see more moriarty x reader. THANK YOUU

Im sorry the waiting! Albert's part will be on another publication as it didn't fit inside this one

William

The music and the chatter of the nobles was obnoxious at best and the ship moved a bit too much to your liking

" Could you remind me why we are acting as a couple for this mission? As far as I remember moneypenny could act this part flawlessly and I could be staying home today" you questioned williams while still hooked to his arm

" Miss Moneypenny is a busy person, she isn't available all the time. You on the other hand…" williams didn't seem like he thought too much about your question, mesmerized by the stairs

" Williams james moriarty,Are you suggesting I do nothing all day long?!" You whisper-yelled at him. You weren't in a great mood that day. first, moran dirtied the dress you wanted to use and had to do some needle work with another dress for it to look good enough, but then louis had tripped and spilled tea in the dress you just fixed and had to go buy another dress at last minute with the only person available, williams who seemed specially picky about the dress

" You know that isn't what I wanted to say, why don't you go for a drink?" Williams suggested, hoping the walk would calm you down and you left looking like you were ready to bite someone's head off if they talked to you.

" He is a mathematician"

By the time you reached the table you couldn't hear them anymore but you could see them, the boy seemed like the type to show off often but over all he looked like a good boy. What stung your heart a little were the pretty girls who were by them, even if your relationship was only for this case your crush for Williams was true. When you thought of him falling in love with you it seemed impossible but when you were changed by one of the girls it seemed more likely that you wanted to admit.

" Well, he should get a girlfriend and see if I care" you started drinking from the champagne glasses the waiters were giving ' where did he find such a pretty ring? I know he wants to make this look real but this seems like a bit too much, how much did it cost even?' You thought while looking at the ring in your left hand, a red diamond in a gold band. After finishing one glass of champagne you left it on a tray and grabbed another two.

You were making your way to williams' side " Liam, I brought some champagne, do you want?" You already were extending your arm to give it to him " could you introduce me to your acquaintance here?"

" He is a detecti-" williams said but was cut

" You can call me sherlock young lady~" sherlock introduced himself holding your hand and kissing it and smiling " a single detective who may be looking for a roommate"

"Hahaha, for now I'm an engaged woman" you let go of his hand and got closer to fix his tie"but ask me again and I might say yes, darling"

Williams stepped in separating Sherlock from you " Well detective, I shall also try analyzing you" Williams said bringing a hand to his chin " you look like you play violin, but not necessarily a musician. You seem to be in a good physical state and... prefer hand to hand combat " he stepped ahead to inspect him closer " additionally you conduct science experiment but hate your own drug dependence" williams stared at his eyes before continuing " obviously a graduate from Oxbridge and, by the way you talk as if you know everything, you must be really proud of your background, mother specially"

" How did you know?" Sherlock kept looking in his eyes smiling coyly

"Isn't it obvious?" Shot back williams half smiling then he turned to you " why don't we go for some fresh air? Love " williams wrapped his arms around your waist and almost dragging you outside

"That wasn't necessary, williams" you fixed your skirt " what did you want to talk about?"

" I calculate in 15 minutes the main character will do his kill. As soon as I notify you go look for moran and fred and wait for the body to be thrown , did I make myself clear? You know where they are?" William fixed a hair behind your ear

" Yes, williams" you rested against a wall " but there is still some time, why did you have to whisk me away,I was having fun"

" We are married, those types of comments shouldn't be made in public or in any case should be directed to me" he stood by your side while looking at the moon

" Cut me some slack, he would have taken it as a joke so no harm was made! Plus this marriage isn't going to last longer than this trip" you sighed

Williams looked at you " this trip?"

"As soon as we finish this mission we won't be a pair 'help me kill this noble' you said' you toyed with the ring

" Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. We are married for this case, and the next, and the following, to the end of this year and the next and the following years" he propped on his arm " did I explain myself correctly this time"

" You can't just decide that by yourself "

" But you are in love with me, I didn't think you would have anything against the arrangement. Plus in your diary you didn't seem too disgusted by the idea"

You jumped " you read my diary?!"

Williams laughed softly " not really, I was just theorizing but it seems like I was right" your face felt hot " so? Are you going to accept my proposal this time"

" No" you said sharply

" Do you think i don't like you?"

"Mhn"

"I really like you."

" Yeah, sure" you turned around and entered the ship but he grabbed you by the wrist and kept you close

" I love you. I truly do, from your dreamy eyes in the morning, to your stupid mannerisms when you are nervous or I get too close, how you always make a point to help the others when they are in need." Williams seemed really composed and confident in himself when he started but as he went on his voice slightly cracked.

Williams pressed your foreheads together and you kissed him wrapping your arms around his neck. For a second he didn't know how to answer the unexpected kiss but he grabbed your head to deepen the kiss. After you two had to stop kissing you were trying to catch your breath while looking at each other

" Yo, lovebirds, are you done? The main character already went to his room with the dude"

You almost killed moran that night

louis

"Letter for miss YN" the lady's handmaid stood by her side handing a little envelope closed with a crimson wax seal

"I'm busy right now, put in on the desk"

" You told me to notice you in case of a letter arriving from the moriarty house" YN turned her neck so fast lily feared she would have whiplash "but it seems you are too busy now, i will have to set it aside-"

" Give me!" YN practically jumped over the maid but she dodged the lady " who sent it? What does it say?"

The older woman giggled and turned around" now I don't want to tell you!"

" Lily, you are mean! At least tell me what it says"

The short woman read the letter, it was short and straightforward. "It seems the duke Moriarty has asked for your presence at his manor, the reason is simply put as 'an old business we left unfinished."

" Lily pack your things up, we are going to stay for sometime time"

" As you wish"

And some hours later the two women had each one two suitcases and were ready to board the carriage that was decorated with the noble's family emblem.

" Milady I will have to stop at one business before going to the manor" despite the young lady disliking the formal way of talking towards her she brushed it aside given that the coachman could hear the maid talk in an 'improper' way that could bring her troubles

" You are stopping by the dressmaker?"

" Indeed, I might need a few favors that she owes me"

" Should I send the carriage for you before tea or after?"

"There will be no need, I am going to return on my own accord"

The rest of the trip was dead silent, either of them wished to speak nor needed to, as they understood each other without the need to break the beautiful silence that surrounded them.

They arrived at the first stop, a dirty corner where there are a lot of signs, ones promoting hair medicine, others for brothels and some others about the ale that came to the nearest bar. That lily insisted on coming was making her go crazy

" Are you sure you need to do this now? We could go tomorrow morning at broad daylight" Lily didn't even listen to her Lady's complains as she dragged her skirts out of the carriage and grabbed her baggage

" Madam, I was raised here, nothing bad will happen. Don't worry" her smile and voice was comforting to certain point but it didn't ease the belief that she was lying to calm the younger woman down a little

" Please take care. I'll meet you at the moriarty state"

And so the trip began again and she let herself daydream. wondering why did the moriarty call for her presence, the ways she helped them didn't call for her to be near, did someone catch them and needed to run away? Or to fake one of their deaths? The possibilities worried her to the point of neglecting the reality.

It was a few minutes before the clock striked eleven that the coachman snapped YN out of her trance.

" We arrived" the old man didn't meet her eyes as he announced the end of the trip

" Thank you very much, sir" YN rushed to thank the old man before taking her suitcase and carry the leathery case to the main door

Letting the leather of her suitcase hit the ground she sighed and leaned back looking at the lion knocker and knocking twice. After a few minutes she was getting impatient and took the key from the envelope, good thing they sent a replicate.

Stepping inside and leaving her baggage by the door YN wondered inside the house, the card told her to settle down and choose one room by her own of there was nobody there

" Hello? Albert? Louis? Williams? Is anybody home?" And turning one corner you could see a beautiful flight of stairs

" Oh miss? I didn't know you would be coming" louis was standing on top of the stairway rest with a broom

" I received a letter asking for me to stay for a time" she looked around, wondering if they were alone" Your brothers?"

" They went to arrange the new show, another homicide noble. As always" louis resumed his work cleaning the stairs " please make yourself home and choose a room, all the guest rooms in the left hallway are clean and weren't chosen by anyone yet"

Yn stood at the bottom of the stairs "They left you to clean all of this alone? They are so mean."walking up the stairs to louis and taking the broom out of his hands she smiled at him "You know what? Lily has to arrange some things so let me help you clean"

" You don't really have to, i can take care of this" louis tried to take the broom from your hands but YN hugged it closer to her chest

" It wasn't a proposal. It was a fact" and she turned around leaving her back facing louis

Louis looked incredulous that YN would be so childish given her usual proper behavior " YN I have to clean. Can I-" and he tried to take it away from from her but she hit them away

" No!" And she skipped the steps from the stairway rest to the second floor " catch me if you can~" the woman teased him in a singsong voice before starting running.

Louis was astonished for a second before he began chasing after her " miss! I really want to end the stairs before dinner"

The chase didn't last long as the lady tripped with the red carpet and fell over a sofa. Louis knelt down next to her

" Are you going to give me the broom now? As much as I love you and this game of cat and mouse I have to finish cleaning the stairs. So give it to me"

The young woman weighed her options before smiling devilishly " Let's trade!" And she sat while keeping the broom close to her " One kiss and i return your broom"

Louis sat down and sighed defeated " you truly aren't going to give. up are you?" He was met with a little denial sound

" It isn't as if this was the first time we did it"

" One kiss and you will let me keep doing my job?"

" Yes"

Given the positive he wanted louis got near and grabbed her cheeks. After looking in her expectant eyes, Louis felt his face getting hotter the closer he got. It wasn't until YN could feel his breath on her soft skin that she feared he would pass out from embarrassment.

What seemed like minutes passed by and either of them moved, he was too mesmerized by her and she was taken by the look in his eyes. A few more seconds elapsed before YN started getting impatient leading to her to take the lead, grabbing both of his cheeks and guiding his face to her own.

Her lips brushed against his, softly and slowly before 'changing her mind' and returning to her place, teasingly looking up at him through her eyelashes, waiting for Louis to deepen the kiss. thing that didn't work out the planned way and ended up with louis hitting both of their noses. Louis almost died of embarrassment there

" If you didn't want to kiss just say so" she teased while playing with a lock of her hair, her nose slightly red

" It has been a while since we kissed" louis turned his head so yn couldn't see his blush " I am not accustomed to it"

" Then we should make you get used to it-" Louis was looking like an expectant dog, waiting for the kiss. " Later. I'm going to choose a room right now" and YN walked towards the stairs to go down

" YN" louis called out her name. The woman turned around. This time, Louis grabbed her head and kissed her, way rougher and sloppy than the first one but a kiss at the end.

One of her hands ended on his hair, lightly playing with it, with the other one on his chin, helping him position his head correctly. The kiss was inexperienced and messy but it was their reunion kiss, the first one in two years, filled with joy and relief of finally being together at last

When the kiss ended louis was out of breath and his hair looked a bit unkempt, even when he could barely talk he asked her

" Are you going to leave me again?"

" Louis" YN's eyes were filled with love " i don't plan on going anywhere soon" and she hugged him

He returned the hug with his arms around her hips " good, i wasn't planning on letting you go anywhere either way"

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

Tumblr tag || Also on AO3

Chapter 26: Jon

When Jon’s grandmother passed away peacefully in her sleep, not long after his twenty-fourth birthday, he quickly discovered that her life insurance and savings weren’t enough to cover all the bills that needed to be covered and put the house he’d grown up in on the market. He only vaguely remembers the whole procedure, as he was in something of a state of shock at the time, but he does remember accepting the first offer presented to him despite the realtor’s comments that he could “probably hold out for a bit more” if he wanted. Thus, he’s the only one not really startled at the speed with which he, Martin, and Tim find out that they’ve got the house.

To be clear: He’s not startled at the speed. He is, however, startled that they got it. Surely someone must have been willing to pay more for it, been better qualified. But no. They learn their offer has been accepted less than a week after the Primes’ disastrous encounter with Basira’s partner and the closing is scheduled for the following Friday. Martin theorizes that their position at the Magnus Institute gave them some extra clout. Tim jokes that it’s his charismatic personality. Jon frets that Elias might have had something to do with it for nefarious purposes.

Sasha finally does some research and tells them that it’s being sold by a pair of siblings barely out of their teens whose parents died unexpectedly and probably just need the money fast.

Martin doesn’t have much, just the little he managed to bring with him to the Institute when first escaping Jane Prentiss and the few things he’s re-acquired since then, and Jon’s things are still packed up from when he declined to renew the lease on his flat in August, so it’s mostly just Tim who needs to decide what he’s keeping and what he’s ready to part with or needs to replace. It takes them the better part of two Saturdays, but they manage to get everything boxed and sorted in time to move out the last full weekend of September.

The moving-in process is surprisingly fun. Sasha and the Primes even come to help (Tim suggests the latter so that Martin Prime knows his way around the house from the get-go, which is actually really sensible) and they make a party of it. Tim insists on setting up the sound system first, then gets everyone to contribute a certain number of songs to a playlist on some app he has on his phone. He puts it on shuffle and lets it play while they work together on the various rooms.

“Oh, my God,” Sasha moans after the eighth song that she evidently didn’t pick comes on. “Do any of you listen to a single band that’s put out an album since 1984?”

“Yes,” Martin says indignantly, his cheeks coloring slightly.

“Remasters don’t count.”

Martin Prime grins. “None of mine have come up, either.”

“What did you put on?” Sasha asks suspiciously.

She gets her answer a few minutes later when, after shuffle coughs up a Spice Girls song they all tease her mercilessly about, an honest to God sea shanty comes on. Tim and Jon laugh at Sasha’s dramatic, despairing groan, but it’s hard not to respond to the Martins’ enthusiasm as they—surprisingly—harmonize along with the recording while they set up the living room.

They’re almost done assembling the new bed Tim bullied Jon into buying (“You’re not in uni anymore, you don’t need to be sleeping on a futon, and anyway, when was this made, the Thatcher premiership?” “Brown, and shut up, Tim.”), which is the last piece of furniture they need to put together, when there’s a sound from the front door—two firm, solid knocks, audible all the way upstairs. Jon nearly drops the screwdriver as his heart kicks against his ribs. It’s stupid, and he knows it’s stupid, but two knocks like that always makes him think of that book.

Tim makes a noise in the back of his throat. “God, hope the music isn’t too loud.”

“I don’t think that’s it,” Martin says, but he sounds uncertain. “I-I mean, it’s been ages.”

Jon pushes himself to his feet. “I’ll check.”

He hurries out of the bedroom before anyone can comment on the clear break in his voice. He is, and there is no way to deny it to himself, legitimately afraid of what might be outside. The likelihood of it being a being of another entity is slim, but…well, there was Mr. Spider, and Jane Prentiss knocked on Martin’s door more than a few times to keep him off-balance, so there’s always the chance. It’s something he feels he can deal with, though, so he heads out to face it.

He does not, however, expect to open the door and be faced with what is either a small child or a casserole dish with tennis shoes.

“Hello,” a tiny voice says brightly from behind the dish. There’s a bit of shifting, and then two big brown eyes and a mass of curls appear over the rim. “I’ve brought you a cake.”

Jon will deny to his dying day that those words freeze his blood in his veins and make his heart stutter to a stop, but since this might actually be his dying day, he’ll be lying if he tries. His lips part, but no sound comes out.

“And a casserole, too,” the child continues, completely oblivious to Jon’s unwarranted panic attack. “That’s not as much fun, though, but Nan says it’s important to eat good, hearty food when you’ve been doing lots of work and that cake shouldn’t be a whole meal. I think there’s no point in being a grown-up if you can’t eat whatever you want, but…” The child heaves an enormous, dramatic sigh that seems too large for such a small body. “My Nan’s very, very old, and you don’t get to be old if you don’t do something right, so she must know what she’s talking about. Anyway, we made the casserole with lots and lots of cheese and she said that was okay, so at least it’s a little better.”

“Ah—thank you?” Jon manages. “H-here, let me…take that.”

He manages to extract the casserole dish, which certainly feels as if it’s laden with cheese; it weighs the proverbial ton. Quite possibly a literal one. It’s solid enough to anchor Jon to reality, though, and he studies his benefactor. The child can’t be more than seven or eight, at the most, with a round face and limbs hidden in an oversized, threadbare sweater that looks like it’s been handed down through more than a few generations. Dangling from one arm is a wicker basket that does indeed appear to contain a cake.

“It’s a chocolate cake with marshmallow frosting,” the child says. “I tried to write ‘Welcome to the neighborhood’ on it, but I didn’t put the tip on the piping bag right and it came off, so now it’s just a mess, but it’ll taste just as good, I promise. My Nan makes the best cakes.”

Jon smiles in spite of himself. “I don’t think I have enough hands to take it from you now. Would you mind bringing it into the kitchen for me?”

“Oh, sure!” The child practically hops over the threshold. “I always wanted to see what this house was like on the inside. Tibby used to babysit for me sometimes, but she always came over to our house, never me coming over here. Nan says it’s better that way, and Tibby always said it was laid out exactly like all the other houses, but it’s not the same as seeing it for yourself. Firsthand knowledge is best, that’s what I think. What do you think?”

“I—I think I agree with you,” Jon says. He also feels a bit like he’s staring at his younger self. “I assume you live in one of the other houses on the row?”

“Two doors down,” the child agrees cheerfully. “With the window boxes. My Nan likes to garden a bit, but she can’t bend over so much anymore, so Toby set up the window boxes for her a couple years ago.”

“And, uh, who is…Toby?”

“Oh, sorry, I thought you knew. Toby McGill. He and Tibby—that’s his sister Tabitha, but everyone calls her Tibby—they were the ones selling this house after their parents died. He’s at Surrey University now and he says he’s going to stay out there when it’s all said and done, and Tibby got a job on a boat.” The child sounds deeply impressed. “I want to be a sailor someday, too. Can you imagine getting to see the whole wide world by water and getting paid for it, too? I’d never want to leave. I told Tibby she has to save a spot on the crew for me and she laughed and promised, so I can’t wait. I’m going as soon as I grow up. I’m not going to university. You don’t need to go to university for everything, you know. I know Nan really wants me to go ‘cause Mum didn’t and neither did Dad and she doesn’t want me turning out like them, but you can turn out well even if you don’t go to university, can’t you?”

“Absolutely,” Jon says gravely. He casts an involuntary glance in the direction of the stairs, thinking of Martin. “One of my housemates didn’t go to university, and he’s one of the most brilliant people I know.”

“How many of you live here, anyway?”

“Just three of us.” Jon has no idea how much this child has seen and how many people he knows are in the house at the moment.

“Oh. There used to be three of us in my house, too.” The child scuffs a toe against the carpet just before they step into the kitchen. “And then there was going to be four, but Mum died and the baby did, too.”

“I’m sorry,” Jon says softly, feeling a pang. “I grew up with my grandmother, too.”

The child looks up at Jon and smiles, in such a way that Jon can’t help but smile back. “And you turned out okay.”

“Debatable,” Jon says. He sets the casserole dish on the counter. “I’m Jon, by the way. Jonathan Sims.”

“I’m Charlie. Charlie Cane.” The child smiles up at him and hands over the basket. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Tell your grandmother we said thank you. I don’t know that any of us will have the energy to cook tonight. We’ll bring back the dishes tomorrow.”

“There’s no hurry. Nan doesn’t go anywhere.” Charlie flashes Jon a grin that’s missing two teeth, then turns and waves to the doorway. Jon glances up to see Martin, looking somewhere between worried and amused. “Hi! I’m Charlie Cane. Welcome to the neighborhood. Do you live here, too?”

“Um…yes. I’m Martin Blackwood. It’s…nice to meet you?” Martin raises an eyebrow at Jon.

“Charlie and his grandmother made us a casserole,” Jon says, gesturing at the counter. “And a cake.”

“That’s very nice of you. Thank you.” Martin smiles at Charlie and winks, although Jon doesn’t quite understand why.

“Welcome.” Charlie’s beaming smile could probably light the house for a week. “I’d best go before Nan thinks I’m doing something stupid again. See you later!”

He’s out the front door before Jon can respond, or even blink. He looks back to Martin, who isn’t even trying to hide his amusement. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Jon. We were just wondering if you were okay. You were gone for a while.”

Jon gestures vaguely at the front door. “I don’t think that child has many people to talk to. Or at least not many people who will listen to him.”

Martin snorts. “I think you’ve got yourself a new best friend.”

Jon almost wants to say something flippant like Just what I need, but thinking on it, he actually doesn’t mind all that much. “Considering how much I would have given to have an adult pay that kind of attention to me when I was his age, I think I can handle that.”

Martin reaches over and pulls Jon into a hug. Jon lets himself be comforted for a moment, then extricates himself gently and smiles. “Come on. Let’s see if the others are ready to eat.”

As it turns out, the others finished putting together the bed and even made it while Jon talked to Charlie, so they’re all too happy to come into the kitchen for a hearty meal. It’s exactly as cheese-laden as Charlie promised. Jon recounts his conversation, to general amusement, although something flickers briefly across Martin Prime’s face and Jon Prime shoots Jon an understanding and slightly frightened look when he repeats Charlie’s opening words. If anyone else notices, they give no sign of it.

Tim lets the music keep playing while they eat. Jon mostly tunes it out, no pun intended, and he rather suspects the others do too. But just as they’re scraping their plates clean—the food is delicious, and Tim declares he’s going to try and charm Charlie’s grandmother out of the recipe—Martin Prime suddenly tilts his head to one side, as if trying to catch a sound. A smile twitches at his lips, and he stands up and holds out a hand to Jon Prime. “May I?”

Jon Prime looks startled for a split-second, then smiles—no, grins—and places his hand in Martin Prime’s. He lets Martin Prime pull him away from the table and into his arms, and the two of them start slow-dancing.

Jon pauses, fork suspended over his plate, and watches them. Jon Prime lets Martin Prime lead him in a simple box step, one arm draped casually over Martin Prime’s shoulder, while Martin Prime’s hand rests firmly at his waist; their other fingers are laced together in a way that would make it difficult to telegraph intended moves if they didn’t—probably—know each other so well. The space between them is so little it’s a wonder they don’t constantly trip over each other’s feet, and before long their foreheads touch. The song is gentle and plaintive, encouragement from one partner to the other to trust and relax and allow the first to take care of the second, a promise that the second person won’t be considered weak or lesser if they allow themselves to be comforted.

I promise you’ll be safe here in my arms…

Martin Prime lifts his arm and spins Jon Prime around gently, and when Jon Prime comes back into the closed frame, he leans his head against the shoulder where his hand isn’t resting and closes his eyes. Martin Prime pulls him closer and rests his cheek alongside Jon Prime’s as they continue dancing. It’s one of the most intimate and romantic things Jon has ever seen, and he almost has to look away from it.

Almost. Not quite. Something keeps him drawn, and there’s a tiny part of Jon’s brain that suggests it probably isn’t just the pleasure at seeing someone who’s basically him safe and happy and in love mixed with the vague sense of longing for something like that—maybe not that exactly, but something like it. It may also be that watching the Primes slow dancing means he doesn’t have to look at anyone else.

The song plays itself out. Martin Prime turns his head slightly; Jon Prime turns his at the same time, and their lips meet gently in the middle. This time Jon does look away. He’s never quite been able to figure out how he feels about kissing, to be honest; it’s one of the things that sent his and Georgie’s relationship down in flames, was the fact that he always acted like you think I’ve got poison in my lip gloss, according to her. But he finds himself wondering for a moment what Martin’s lips would feel like against his, if they’d be as soft and warm as the rest of him. If it might make a difference to kiss Martin instead of Georgie, or Meredith, or Kelly. And that’s not a question he’s comfortable asking himself just then, let alone trying to answer.

The scrape of a chair breaks his attention, and he looks up to see the Primes sitting down like nothing happened, although they’re still holding hands. Tim clears his throat. “Who wants cake?”

The cake is, as promised, a bit of a mess—it looks like someone tried to tease out the blob created by the icing tip popping off with a toothpick or something, but the resultant design looks like the pictures someone showed Jon once of a web woven by a spider that had been fed caffeine, and the fact that the icing is bright red doesn’t help—but it is absolutely delicious.

Afterward, Tim and Jon store the leftovers while Martin and Sasha start on the dishes. Jon Prime glances at the kitchen clock and touches Martin Prime on the shoulder. “We should probably go. The later it gets, the more likely that…someone might cruise by the Institute, and I’d rather not risk that.”

Martin Prime squeezes Jon Prime’s hand gently, and Jon swallows on the sudden surge of nausea. They haven’t seen anything of Detective Tonner, and Basira didn’t say anything about her when she showed up last week to switch out the tapes, but the memory of the Primes’ faces when they stumbled back to Tim’s place to change and return his car is a hard one to shake. Even though Jon Prime swears he and Daisy eventually became friends, it’s the eventually that sticks out, and Jon isn’t sure what he’ll do if Daisy turns up at the Institute. It’s also obvious that the Primes are more afraid of her than they’re letting on.

Tim opens his mouth, probably to invite them to spend the night or something, but Sasha beats him to it. “Can you wait a few minutes? I’d rather not walk to the tube station by myself, if it comes to that, and I think you said there’s an entrance to the tunnels near there.”

Jon Prime frowns slightly. “I…don’t think I did, but there is.”

“We’ll walk with you, Sasha,” Martin Prime assures her.

Tim sighs theatrically. “I feel a little better, which is a relative statement not to be taken as approval.”

“Your objection is duly noted.” Sasha hands Martin a plate to dry.

All too soon, everything is cleaned up, just as the playlist comes to an end, and there’s really no way of stalling them further. There’s a round of hugs and see-you-Mondays, and then Sasha and the Primes head out the door, leaving Jon, Martin, and Tim alone in their new house.

It’s not that late, comparatively, so Jon suggests a card game. They’ve played most nights since Sasha went back to sleeping in her own flat; they’ve played a couple of games of Rummy or Go Fish, and Tim once tried to teach Jon and Martin a game he learned from his grandparents that uses a forty-card deck (Martin picked it up quickly, Jon did not), but most of the time they play Crazy Eights. Tim declares that they’re going to keep playing until either he or Jon or both manage to overtake Martin’s score, which is clearly going to be an impossible task, as he’s up by nearly a thousand points and consistently wins at least three or four games a night. Still, they give it a valiant effort. After Martin manages to go out while both Tim and Jon still have an eight each in their hand, though, they decide to call it quits for one night.

“Someday I’ll figure out how you keep doing that,” Jon says, shuffling the deck lightly before putting it back in the box.

Martin shrugs. “Practice, I guess? I used to play with my granddad a lot when I was younger. We kept a running total, too, and I think I was up three thousand points or so when he died.”

Tim gives a low whistle. “How old were you?”

“Nine. We’d been playing pretty regularly since I was five. At least one game every time I went to visit.”

Jon thinks back to the conversation he and Martin had in Tim’s kitchen the morning after Prentiss’s attack. “Is this the grandfather who had the cherry trees?”

“You remembered.” Martin looks pleased. “Yeah, he was my mum’s dad. I never met my dad’s family, that I remember anyway.” He pauses. “You, uh, you told Charlie you were raised by your grandmother. Was that…?”

Jon didn’t know Martin was there, but he’s kind of glad he doesn’t have to figure out how to bring it up. “My father’s mother. She was…formidable. My father died when I was two, from an accidental fall, and my mother died a couple years later. Surgery complications.”

“I’m sorry,” Martin says softly. “That must have been hard on you.”

“Harder on my grandmother, I think. I was barely old enough to remember them.” All Jon remembers of his father is his laugh, and he’s fairly certain that most of his memories of his mother come from his aunt.

Tim leans forward, resting his arms on the table. “Is she still around? Your grandmother?”

Jon shakes his head. “She died just before I started working at the Institute. What about yours, Tim?”

“My dad’s dad is the only grandparent still around. I think.” Tim worries at his lower lip with his teeth for a moment. “I’d like to think someone would call me if something happened, but I don’t know.”

Martin hums sympathetically. “Is he…in a home?”

“Not as far as I know. Last I heard, he was still living with my parents. Moved in when Granny died, just after I left for university.” Tim sighs. “We’re not…close. After Danny…”

Jon reaches over and touches Tim’s arm gently. “It must be hard on them, losing a son. No parent expects to outlive their child.”

“That’s just it. Mum refuses to believe he’s dead.” Tim smiles weakly. “No body, you know? Dad isn’t sure, but he also thinks I know more than I’ve told them. Grandfather all but accused me of having a hand in Danny’s disappearance.”

“What?” Jon blinks, shocked. “How could anyone think you’d—you would never.”

“I know, but…well, Dad’s family was always a bit conservative, blue collar and all that, and I’m…well, me. I think that’s why Dad encouraged my hiking and camping and all that. Hoped it would knock some ‘sense’ into me,” Tim says with a wry twist of his lips. “Once I came out as bi, though, I think they decided there was no hope left for me. It just got worse after Danny died.”

Martin’s expressive face closes down, and Jon’s stomach lurches. This is the most they’ve talked about their families in…ever, he thinks, but from the little bits of information Martin—and Martin Prime, for that matter—have let slip, Jon has formed a very unfavorable impression of Martin’s mother. He’s always kind of had a hazy idea that Tim’s family situation was better, especially after he heard the pride in his voice when he talked about Danny when giving his statement, and finding out that it wasn’t much better than theirs…

“How old were you?” he asks, not sure why. “When you—told them.”

“Seventeen. There was a guy I’d been seeing—nothing serious, really, but we had fun together—and we went out for Valentine’s Day. My parents were confused because they knew my girlfriend and I had just broken up before Christmas and I hadn’t mentioned another girl, so I told them about Steve.” Tim gets quiet for a second. “Mum cried. Dad just…told me to stop upsetting my mother and never brought it up again. Not until Grandfather started in on me.”

Jon swallows. “You’ve a great deal more courage than I have. I—I never admitted to my grandmother that I ever had any interest in boys, let alone dated one.”

“Only one? You’re missing out.” Tim’s grin is a pale echo of his usual one, but it is at least genuine. “How ‘bout you, Martin?”

“A few.” Martin relaxes with a visible effort that makes Jon’s heart ache. “Been out since I was fourteen. Mum reacted…about as well as she reacted any other time I told her something she didn’t like or did something she wasn’t expecting. I never brought anyone home to meet her or…really talked to her about my dating, and she only ever brought it up in relation to herself. Like saying it was a good thing there wasn’t any risk of me passing on any of my numerous undesirable traits to a helpless child.”

“I don’t think your mum understands what ‘bisexual’ means,” Tim points out.

“Probably not, but it doesn’t matter. I’m gay.” Martin grimaces. “I’m also ace, so no risk there anyway, but…”

Jon wants to say any child would be fortunate to count you as a father or I can’t think of a single undesirable trait about you, but what actually comes out is, “Ace?”

“Uh, asexual. It’s—I don’t…get attracted like that. Romance, sure, aesthetic stuff and all that, but not…” Martin gestures vaguely. “Tried it anyway, for a couple of guys I was with, but i-it didn’t go well.”

Jon’s world view shifts abruptly on its axis. Tim, though, looks suddenly worried. “Are you okay? They didn’t—”

“No, no,” Martin says quickly. “It wasn’t—I just don’t like it. That’s all.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Never bothered telling Mum that part. She wouldn’t…I’ve done enough damage.”

Tim pulls Martin into a quick one-armed hug, and Jon reaches across the table to squeeze his hand as gently as he can, but they change the subject after that.

They end up sitting up for a while in their new living room, relaxing. Tim props his feet up in the recliner and works on a crossword; Jon curls up at one end of the sofa with a book he’s been meaning to read for years that Jon Prime assures him he’ll love; Martin sits at the other end and knits. It about bowled Jon over completely when he learned that Martin made most of the sweaters he wears, but the sight and sound of him working away has become increasingly familiar in the last few weeks, especially after the Primes and the rest of the crew collaborated to get him an array of needles and knitting wool in all colors of the rainbow for his birthday. Jon usually finds the gentle clicking of the needles soothing, but tonight it’s just a hair distracting, and he keeps glancing up from the page to watch Martin’s fingers as they expertly manipulate the yarn or Tim tap the eraser of his pencil thoughtfully against his jaw while he contemplates an answer. He’s not even quite sure what he’s looking at.

Finally, Tim lays down his puzzle with a sigh. “I think I’m gonna turn in,” he says, sounding oddly reluctant. “Long day and all that.”

“Yeah, I’m just gonna—” Martin works a couple more stitches and folds up his project. “Probably a good stopping place for tonight.”

Jon considers saying he’s going to stay in the living room and finish the chapter he’s on, but if he’s being completely honest, he’s been on the same page for however long it’s been and hasn’t taken in a single word. Silently, he slides the scrap of paper he’s currently using as a bookmark back between the pages and closes the book. “Well. Good night, then.”

“’Night, Jon.”

The bedrooms are all upstairs, two on one side and one on the other with the bathroom handy, and the three of them wish each other goodnight again before disappearing into their rooms. Jon closes the door and looks around the room, his room.

There’s not much to it, to be honest. A nightstand, a dresser, a battered desk he’s had since he was a child, a lamp and the bed. He sets the book on top of the desk and changes into his comfortable sleep clothes, then crawls into the bed and pulls the covers up over his shoulders.

It’s…odd. No, not odd. Jon can’t quite think of the right word for it. But the sheets feel unfamiliar against his skin, and they don’t smell right, either, probably because they’re new. The mattress that felt perfectly comfortable when he tested it out in the store doesn’t seem to afford the same comfort now, and he wonders if the floor model has simply had much of the stiffness tested out of it over time. Even the pillows, which he did retain from his old bedroom setup, seem determined to thwart his attempts to find a comfortable position.

He rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, arm draped over his midsection. He won’t fall asleep like this, he’s always been a side-sleeper, but his mind is a seething roil of emotions and he needs to get his thoughts under control before he can even have a hope of getting comfortable enough to sleep, he guesses.

Asexual. Jon probes at the word, at what it describes. I don’t get attracted like that. I just don’t like it. Honestly, until meeting Georgie, Jon had no idea that sort of attraction really existed; he thought it was just something out of the lurid romance novels his grandmother favored and he’d read once or twice in sheer desperation. It was something she’d wanted, though, so he’d tried a few times, but his efforts hadn’t satisfied her and he never really saw what all the fuss was about. He can take it or leave it, preferably the latter.

He never knew there was a word for it.

Suddenly, he wants to talk to Martin about it, about how he realized, how he knew. Where he found the word. If there are many more like—well, like them, he supposes. If that’s one of the reasons he was reluctant to tell Jon how he felt. He wants to ask about Martin’s experiences, if they were bad just because his body didn’t want them or for some other reason. A part of him also wants to cry from sheer relief. He isn’t broken. There’s nothing wrong with him. Well, not in that respect, anyway.

He sighs heavily and rolls onto his side again, plumping the pillows and curling one arm around them. They’re too flat, he thinks idly, too soft and yielding. Which is odd, because that’s never bothered him before. He can’t seem to get warm, either, which is also bizarre because it’s been an unusually mild day for late September and he’s under the duvet he’s had for years, which suddenly seems too light and insubstantial. The room is too quiet and still. It all feels…wrong, somehow.

Jon closes his eyes and stubbornly tries to force sleep, to no avail. The sense of wrongness pervades his being, curling through him and keeping him tethered to consciousness. He runs through the list of problems he seems to be having and tries to come up with which one might be keeping him awake. The only thing he can think of is the unfamiliar mattress. Everything else is exactly the way it was in his old flat.

And when was the last time you slept there? The thought hits him all of a sudden, and his eyes snap open. He forgot. The last time he slept in his apartment was the night before Jane Prentiss attacked the Institute. Ever since then, he’s been sleeping in Tim’s living room…or in Tim’s bed. With the others.

That’s all it is. He isn’t used to the silence of being alone. He’s not used to not knowing, right away, exactly where Tim and Martin are and if they’re safe. He’ll just go and check on them, see that they’re safe, and he’ll be able to get to sleep just fine.

He throws back the covers, slides his glasses back on, and heads into the hallway. Jon somehow ended up in the room by the bathroom, while Tim and Martin are on the other side of the hallway. Martin’s room is first, though, so Jon heads there. He’s as careful as he can be. Martin is probably asleep by now. He definitely seemed tired while they were still in the living room, and Jon wonders if he lingered because the other two were still sitting down there. It makes him feel slightly guilty, like he should have called it a night earlier so Martin can get some sleep. And after all, they did have a very emotionally draining conversation, which probably exhausted him as well. All that runs through Jon’s mind as he slowly, slowly eases the door open and peers around it to see into Martin’s room.

It’s sparsely furnished; nothing but a bed and one of those flimsy pop-up cloth jobs bisected into cubes, which is serving as his dresser. Martin’s laptop and phone sit on the floor, both connected to their chargers. The bed is mussed slightly and shows signs of having been occupied, but Jon’s heart rate accelerates when he looks at it. It’s empty.

There’s no sign of a struggle, he tells himself, and he heard nothing, so surely everything is fine. Martin’s probably just in the bathroom, or downstairs getting a glass of water or something. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Jon will just…go check on Tim and Tim will be fine and then he’ll go find Martin and make sure he’s fine and it…will…be…fine. He pulls the door closed and turns to Tim’s room.

The door is slightly ajar, and there’s a faint glow coming from the room. Jon hesitates, then taps lightly on the door three times before easing it open. Tim is sitting up on the bed, cross-legged and leaning forward slightly. And—Jon’s shoulders slump in relief—Martin is there, too, on the edge of the bed, one leg hanging off the side and the other tucked underneath him. They’re talking quietly, but both obviously exhausted. They look up at the sound of the door opening and watch Jon stand in the doorway. He opens his mouth, then realizes he doesn’t know what to say and closes it again.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Martin asks gently. The circles under his eyes are almost black.

“No,” Jon admits. “I—I just wanted to—” He breaks off, still not sure what to say.

Wordlessly, Tim holds out a hand. Jon lets the bedroom door shut behind him as he comes forward and takes it. Martin wraps an arm around him from behind, and the two of them pull Jon onto the bed and into a lying-down position. Tim rolls over and snaps off the lamp by his bed, then pulls the covers up over all three of them. Jon manages to reach down and snag the middle to help.

“Better,” Tim murmurs.

It’s not a question, but Jon hums in agreement anyway. Trying for levity, he says, “Shame to waste money on new beds, though.”

“We’ll be able to sleep there eventually,” Martin says. Jon only realizes how much stress was in his voice when it’s drastically lessened. “At some point we’ll probably want the space. But for now, there’s this.”

“For now, there’s this,” Jon agrees. He tilts his head back briefly to rest it against Martin’s shoulder, and Martin scoots in closer.

Tim does, too, the two of them sandwiching Jon securely between them. “Get some sleep,” he says. “It’ll be all right tomorrow.”

Jon yawns and closes his eyes, and it doesn’t really surprise him when he falls asleep straightaway. The nightmares are as present as ever, but in the morning, he can almost fool himself into believing they weren’t so bad.

Almost.

[miscellaneousramblings]

The world is cruel and unfair. My thoughts about the end of SnK.

This is a post about my feelings re: the end of SnK. I try to mix a bit of analysis and express where, in my opinion, it went wrong.

I’ve only read the last chapter once for now. Managed to avoid every spoiler until the official release. What can I say? I think this ending is disappointing and unsatisfying, despite not being The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Read. It’s serviceable at best, which by default is underwhelming in a work that has almost always tried to go above what we usually see in comparable pieces of fiction. Over almost 140 chapters, SnK offered its readers genuine emotions, either positive or negative, and, until this final chapter, managed to stay true to its themes. But this final chapter is basically a 4/10 or 5/10 ending in an overall 9.5/10 story.

I hope that, after the initial shock of the ending, I’ll be able to look back on it, not fondly, but with a bit more appreciation for some of its (too few) genuinely good moments. I also hope it won’t sour the experience of reading SnK too much for me. Of course, I accept the ending, I accepted it literally the moment I read it even though I saw it go further and further from my expectations and understanding of the story by the second. And obviously, I respect Isayama as a writer and genuinely cherish some parts of this manga.

But I won’t ever think this ending was good, and am going to try to explain why.

First, something quite subjective. I think the chapter lacked genuine emotion. I didn’t feel much of anything, except a crushing sentiment of sadness and a bit of anger when I saw Mikasa alone by Eren’s grave at the end. A lot of what happened felt either incomplete or forced, and often both. For example, I had imagined the moment the curse of Ymir broke would be the most beautiful moment in the manga, but instead it just... happened? This was supposed to be the peak of this story, the miracle that all these terrible sacrifices were made in the name of. I keep thinking about the moment the curse breaks at the end of Fruits Basket (a great read btw) and how genuinely emotional this chapter is even though the genre is different from SnK’s. Considering Isayama’s talent when portraying emotions, I can’t help but feel terribly underwhelmed by his version of this moment, which should have made us feel like everything was worth it, but didn’t.

Second, the pacing in this last arc (and especially post 123) was messy. I know it’s easy to criticize as a reader, but objectively, spending 7 chapters on the alliance going from point X to point Y and not giving the main character the spotlight he deserves is a major mistake. I kept holding hope that all of the buildup since chapter 130 was going to amount to the last 2-3 chapters slapping extremely hard (like, say, the Grisha-centered chapters in return to Shiganshina, or the Reiner-Eren conversation in Marley), but for the first time, Isayama disappointed me in that regard.

While mostly uninteresting fights got dragged out, some plot points were almost forgotten. Some setups never got a proper conclusion. Eren barely got the time to explain his motivations or what he saw. Historia’s conversation from chapter 130 never got an ending. The parasite and Ymir literally disappeared even though they were the focus of the last two chapters before this one. Some memory shards went unexplained. We never got to see Grisha’s death even when this panel exists?

Regardless of the actual things I don’t like in the ending, I think it would have been more palatable if this last stretch of chapters had been given time to breathe, if only to expand on the characters’ motivations or give us more interactions (for example, Eren’s talks with Annie, Reiner, Connie...).

Third, characterisation and themes. Oh boy. My favourite character is Eren, and my other favourites are Mikasa, Armin, Reiner and Zeke. I think that among these five, the only one who got a true, complete character arc was Armin (and arguably Zeke as well, though the lack of resolution between him and Eren is a hate crime towards me, specifically). Reiner had a great character arc overall but his last appearance in the manga was distateful and a regression. I won’t expand on it.

Mikasa... my poor girl. My most charitable take about her ending is that Isayama wanted to portray her inner strength, the fact she can always live on in the face of adversity and cherish her own life despite the setbacks while remembering those she loves. Well, I guess he succeeded. But in a weirdly unsatisfying way, because this renders her character arc entirely cyclical. Those qualities have characterised Mikasa since the start. It’s established since the very first arc that she’s prideful, brave, and that she has the inner strength to live without Eren if he ever disappears from this world. But the way Isayama made it happen? Having her kill him and then cry next to his grave in the final panels of the manga is what her arc amounted to? I had always hoped that Mikasa could actually save Eren from himself and show him how to live and share his burdens with him (all things that have been foreshadowed in the manga itself, btw). I thought her tattoo would hold some significance, either by

A/ being transmitted to her potential child with Eren were he to survive (didn’t happen)

B/ foreshadowing a future political role for her as a bridge between Hizuru and Paradis (didn’t happen, and furthermore she’s the only alliance member living in Shiganshina and is deliberately separated from the rest of them)

C/ having some kind of supernatural power that would allow her to change the game, were she to enter paths or reach the coordinate (didn’t happen).

So what? In the end, Mikasa’s Big Choice amounted to giving up on her love (but also not really because she’s never going to be able to move on and isn’t allowed to feel anything else but pain), resulting in her losing her family for the third time and never being able to welcome Eren home. This is horrifyingly sad. I’m also frankly disturbed by the sort of ~parallel Eren establishes in this chapter between Ymir and Mikasa, about the topic of love. So the message of SnK was that... love is a chain? Everything happened because Ymir was too attached to the King and couldn’t leave this world, so Mikasa had to show her that she could give up on love for the greater good by killing Eren? I wish I just misunderstood this but that’s what I got from the chapter and I hate it. Also, I really thought Isayama was above the traditional “female character who sacrifices everything and never reaches happiness but stays quiet and endures for the common good” trope. I was wrong.

Mikasa might have been the centerpiece of the story, but she got the short end of the stick. At this point, the writing pretty much does the opposite of what it is supposed to by inadvertently justifying the validity of Mikasa and Eren’s “selfish” dream in chapter 138. Initially, I thought that their dream was wrong and not something truly enviable because in it, they led a life of guilt and regret while knowing full well that Eren would end up dying anyway, leaving Mikasa behind, alone. Naively, I thought that surely choosing the responsible path would be more rewarding for Mikasa, one way or the other. But as it turns out, the path of selflessness also led her to a life of solitude, except now she carries her burdens all on her own without having tasted happiness. Amazing. I genuinely do not know how I am supposed to root for this.

Finally... Eren. Oh boy. Oh, good lord. I’ll admit I wanted him to live, but I was also ready to accept an ending where he dies. But... not like this. I already said I don’t like the fact Mikasa killed him, but what I like even less is the lack of general resolution his character received. He’s the MC for god’s sake! But post-chapter 123, he has received second, if not third-grade treatment, save from chapter 131, which was brilliant.

Overall, his motivations are a mess, which I get. Him getting confused because of all his powers and memories is understandable. Him having conflicting motivations is actually appealing to me. He wanted to save Eldia, but was also disappointed in the outside world (when he says “I would have done it anyway”, I thought about what he said to Ramzi and the "scenery” in 131) , and wished for his friends to become heroes. I get it, it’s fine.

But Isayama went too far with the tragic aspect of his character. As in, there is no catharsis, just crushing pain. Isayama deliberately went overkill by stating that Eren killed 80% of humanity (what the hell), and, even worse, actually drove Dina to Carla. I literally couldn’t believe this. I have seen people theorize about this months ago and immediately discarded it by thinking it was ridiculous and amount to character assassination. To make things clear, I’m not discussing Eren’s actions in the last arc from a moralistic point of view, because this would be another topic entirely, I’m talking about what makes sense in the narrative that has been presented to us since the Paths chapters started and Eren’s plan was revealed. For example, however awful the contents of the scene was, Eren manipulating Grisha to kill the Reiss family was not only amazingly written and drawn in chapter 121 but also narratively motivated by the fact he needed the Founding Titan’s power. This scene also had other functions, such as revealing the Attack Titan’s premonition powers or making Zeke interact with Grisha and understand the truth about his father. Compared to this, the “moment” we have in 139, this abrupt, absurd revelation about him indirectly killing his mother is rushed and nonsensical. Even if this was to kickstart the whole story by awakening his hatred for the titans, I can’t help but feel shaken by how... gratuitous a “plot-twist” it is. What does it say about the attachment Eren had to his mother and her words to him? (”because he was born into this world”). This nullifies one of the most impactful scenes of the manga, because the ending makes it clear that in the end, existing as a human being by the simple virtue of being born wasn’t enough for him. It just couldn’t be, for some reason that I’m yet to fully understand. Instead, he endured and endured, and never got to experience the simple, humane existence Carla wished for him. So were these beautiful words a lie all along? Why did Isayama go to such an extreme with Dina? The only conclusion I can come to is that it’s because he needed Eren to be absolutely, totally irredeemeable. Eren needed, storywise, to be this unstoppable extremist who would get burned to ashes by his uncontrollable desires.

Because yes, apparently, Eren had to die. There was no escape. Worst of all, Eren died a slave. A slave to his desire for freedom. A slave to the destiny he saw at age 15. A slave to his titan powers. This is what I truly can’t forgive about this ending. I won’t stand for the “but he chose this” answer, because it was a choice made out of despair, and all the alternatives are presented as non viable by the narrative (are they really though? or is it just a cope-out to justify the last arc of the manga unfolding as it did?). In short, Isayama justifies this “choice” that was forced on Eren by telling us: his life was destined to be short, he had a violent side he just wouldn’t repress, Mikasa didn’t give him the answer he wanted, he was overwhelmed by what he saw, and their enemies were zeroing in on them. Canonically, all of this made him start the Rumbling. Fine. But I always thought that, at the end of it all, even if Eren were to die, this narrative would be challenged. That Eren would at least have a big cathartic moment, and that he would make another choice upon realising that the freedom he looked for was illusory, and that he would fight to the bitter end for what was right, what he truly wanted, before finally either going to rest or living on with the burden of his actions but the support of his loved ones. I wished for the perfect blend of bitterness and hope. The tragedy of irredeemeable actions completed by the powerful liberation of free will. The idea that change is possible.

But what did we get instead? Eren reaffirming that the Rumbling would have happened anyway while feeling tremendous guilt, as usual (living a life with regrets, and consequently, a death with regrets), refusing the support Armin was ready to lend him (refusing to even try to defy what he thinks is his destiny and pushing others away again) and erasing the memories of all his friends after having manipulated them into ending him against their wishes (going against the most basic concept of freedom). And because we as readers and he as a character have to suffer until the very end, Eren finally clearly expressed his wish to live, to stay with Mikasa and his friends. Only to die 5 pages later, for good.

The main character of this story truly died as a disembodied head, in a titan’s mouth, killed by the person he loved the most before being buried in a nameless grave. One of his mottos was “fight”, but in the end, he didn’t. He let fate happen. In a story about freedom, this is unfathomable. This is beyond the realm of sadness for me, and I’m leaning more and more towards indignation. Where was his dignity as a character? I know that Mikasa, Armin and the others know “the truth about him” but I’m sorry, this isn’t enough. Now, if I ever get the strength to re-read SnK, I won’t be able to look at Eren without thinking about all the things he sacrificed: love, friendship, happiness, humanity, morals, principles, justice, freedom, the lives of countless others, the peace of mind of the person he loves, and his own life. A sacrifice so great should have gotten us a reward as great, if not greater. But we only got the end of the titan curse, without even an apparition or a word from Ymir, the one who actually started all of this, and now Paradis is ruled by the Yeagerists or something. The wings of freedom defaced by two rifles. How great. How satisfying.

In the end, I can’t really fathom what Isayama wanted to say with this chapter. The story itself, the 138 chapters that preceded it seemed clear to me. The world is cruel but also very beautiful. But after having read 139, I don’t know where the freedom the characters chased is. I don’t know why love was portrayed as something so precious but also something that in the end was predestined to be discarded. I don’t know why characters such as Mikasa went against fate only to be crushed by it further down the road.

I never thought that SnK would go into this almost grimdark direction, but it did. I can barely find the beauty in this chapter. Mikasa’s last panels are heartbreaking, but even the strength of her love can’t shine through the countless sacrifices the characters - and especially she and Eren - made, for the sake of a future that already seems extremely compromised. I guess that all in all, the world’s cruelty overshadows everything, and those who make the greatest sacrifices also are those who never get repaid. The world is unfair. I know that, but it was my naive wish that reading a piece of fiction would help me take my mind off this reality by showing me there is also more to it.

PS: the best moment in the chapter was those panels:

Finally, even if it was too little and too late, someone showed Eren he wasn’t alone, and didn’t need to be. RIP, my beautiful boy. You truly did deserve better than what this story allowed you to be.

[sorcererinthestars]

The Wolf Inside

In the hellstorm we are currently living, the RT Writers Discord called off their Secret Skeleton event. However, I was almost done with my piece and I thought, since it has nothing to do with The Offender, I would still share it. Maybe we need to be revitalized in our work, in our love of those who we still have.  Trigger Warning: Suicide Mention. This is sort of dark/angsty, but no major character death. It’s for spooky season, after all!

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26994361

Michael is a werewolf. Gavin begs to see that part of his life, and nearly pays the ultimate price. (Ragehappy/Mavin.)

--

As he presses himself farther into his closet and shoves his fist in his mouth to stop the gasping whimpers that are ripping themselves out of his chest, he knows this is the end. It’s curious, knowing when you were going to meet your death. He had hoped he would go out in bed, surrounded by family, but no.

He was going to meet his death hidden in a closet behind a load of clothes, a balled fist in his mouth to stifle the sobs and a bent metal coat hanger in his hand to use as a weapon.

The noises outside were muffled, but easily heard when he was straining to locate them. A scuffle, the sound of a chair moving and hot, labored breathing. A small whine and then — crash! — the sound of something glass shattering.

It was Gavin’s idea. He had pressed for this, he had said it was okay. He had honestly begged, wanting to know what happened when the transformation came. It was always a secret between them, a gap. It was something Michael never wanted to talk about, always kept hidden. Once a month, he would leave their home, disappear somewhere for a few days.

Gavin never knew if the other was safe. He could never know for certain if this would be the time that Michael would never return to him, would be gone forever and he would be left waiting alone at home, checking his phone for a call that would never come.

So he had begged. Take me with you, he pleaded. We can rent a cabin. I can stay inside, safe. You go do what you need to do, but at least I’ll be near if you need me.

Michael had protested and as Gavin shrinks farther back against the wood of the closet, trying to hide himself and his scent under moldering blankets, he finally fucking understands the reason for that protest. Michael was dangerous. He guesses he must have not fully comprehended that, not really. Yes, Michael was a dangerous creature who transformed once a month, but he was also his fiancé. Almost his goddamn husband. And the fact that Michael tried to keep a part of himself so integral to his being away from him made Gavin upset.

As the sounds came up the stairs and the snuffling grew louder, along with the panting and the growls and sound of sharp claws ripping its way through the wood, Gavin knew he should learn to leave some things the fuck alone. If he had time after tonight to worry about anything.

Michael had got bit as a child, he had admitted to Gavin over a year into dating. He had been playing in the woods under the light of the full moon and he had gone to the wrong place at the wrong time. Thankfully, he had managed to get away. Most people who got bit didn’t have to worry about the transformation. They were eaten first.

Gavin couldn’t help but think of the scenes Michael had described to him. Of bodies ripped to shreds, of nothing left of people but pieces of their clothes. The thing that Michael became was not him. He had pleaded with Gavin to understand that. He had little to no control over the beast. It overwhelmed him, terrorized him, and when he came back, he had a full belly, a raging headache, and only sensations and fear where there should be memories.

But Gavin had insisted he wanted to be with Michael during this months’ transformation. He had done the stupid puppy dog eyes that Michael pretends to hate, pouting lower lip and all, and had threatened to follow him if he went alone. So Michael had taken him. They’d rented a cabin deep out in the woods, far away from any civilization. It had been almost an hour drive on empty dirt roads to get out here to this hunters’ cabin.

The man who had rented it to them had scoffed. Warned them of what lurked out there this time of the month. A creature, he had said. Something bigger than anything ought to be. Something that disappeared, something they couldn’t catch.

Michael had just shifted awkwardly. As they sat side by side in their Jeep, he had turned to Gavin and turned a bit red, as if he was trying to fight back his anger. Again, he had tried to get Gavin to go. He had pressed his credit card into Gavin’s hand, asked him to get a hotel room back in the city. He would pay and he would join Gavin there as soon as he could. It was dangerous, he had insisted, among other choice words.

Gavin always knew his stubbornness and blind loyalty was likely going to get him hurt or killed, but didn’t realize how literal that was going to be. Now, as he stared at the ceiling of the closet in order to try not to cry, he kind of wanted to throw himself off the roof to stop the guilt. If something did happen and Michael came back and realized…

It was funny, how the mind fixated on the lesser of two problems in a bad situation. Here he was, about to die at the hands of a creature from a fucking fairy tale or a bad dream, and he was worried about how Michael was going to take it.

The first night at the cabin had been fine. Michael seemed tense, but they had set up safeguards around the front and back of the home. They made dinner, just pasta over a hot plate, and watched the stars. The moon was almost but not completely full. Gavin had learned that Michael knew a great deal about the night sky. Maybe he even fell a bit more in love. There wasn’t any electricity for video games. Turned out they didn’t need any.

There were times when they were sitting and chatting that Michael would go quiet and stiff. A breeze would come by and distract him, or he would shift and grunt like he was uncomfortable. It was the beginning of the shift, Gavin theorized, but Michael wouldn’t talk about it and Gavin knew better than to press him. He was lucky to even be allowed to be here, to share this with him. He wouldn’t ruin it by getting in the way.

He would share more than the experience with Michael now. The creature — the thing — was nearing the second floor now. The bedroom wasn’t even a bedroom, really. More like a walled-off loft. And he was sitting in the back, trapped. Like a rat in a cage. Ready for the cat.

When the howl came, Gavin almost wets himself, cowering even farther back. It sounded close, but it also sounded anguished. Like he could hear the pain of the creature, the rage and frustration by being able to smell its prey, but not chase it.

Michael had been nearly certain that when transformed, he would leave the cabin and get distracted by deer and bear and whatever the hell else was out here at night. But he couldn’t be certain, so as the day started turning dusky, he had taken the truck out into the woods. No argument could be made here. Michael was adamant that this was as far as Gavin would go. And as much as Gavin wanted to see the beast with his own two eyes, he had agreed to keep the peace.

They hadn’t counted on the senses of the Creature to be able to smell Gavin’s scent from miles away. Michael had only been gone a couple hours before Gavin started hearing the sounds of something heavy in the woods. The moonlight was like liquid silver as it washed across the clearing. Something was out there.

Gavin had at first wanted to see it. Maybe Michael had changed his mind, maybe he had come back to share this part of himself entirely with Gavin. But as the Wolf, in all its glory, smashed out of the clearing, Gavin’s bowels nearly failed as he stared down at the animal.

Michael’s werewolf form was eight feet long and at least five feet tall. It was thick and furry, with sharp teeth and yellow eyes. When it snarled, all razor rows of teeth were shown. This thing was a predator, plain and simple. There was nothing of Michael left.

Now, sitting in the closet and waiting to be torn to shreds by the man he loved, Gavin considers his options. They were slim to none. He could try to stab the eye of the beast when it broke in, but that would potentially hurt Michael as well. Maybe even blind him. Could he live with that? It would certainly be better than the alternative — death — but what if it didn’t even stop the Wolf?

He could try to run, but the idea of that thing chasing him when it was faster, could see better, and was stronger than him was less than appealing. He shivers from fear and shrinks down even deeper into a ball.

Why the fuck had he decided to go? Why had Michael let him?

Because, a stupid voice in his head had whispered, becuase he wanted to be loved and accepted for all of him as much as you wanted to know all of him. You’re both idiots.

Love made you do stupid things, but this had to be among the stupidest.

But he didn’t have time to think anymore as the door to the room was shoved inwards with a harsh slam that shook the house. The Wolf roars and Gavin bites through the skin of his finger to keep himself from crying out, blood hot and iron and red against his lips.

That was his last mistake. Like an arrow loosed from the bow, the Wolf whips around and hyperfocuses on the hot scent of fresh blood in the closet. And without another moment of hesitation, the door rips open and there the Wolf is.

Gavin forgets to breathe. For a moment they sit there, staring, the giant Wolf’s breast heaving with every garbled breath, saliva dripping out of his mouth. And Gavin, small, human, and breakable, staring back with wide eyes.

Then Michael roars, a loud agonizing sound that reveals rows and rows of sharp teeth, and Gavin knows this was where he dies.

A paw whips out faster than can be seen and clobbers Gavin in the shoulder. His arm supernovas into pain before immediately going numb, causing him to shriek and fly forward into the room and out of his shelter. Claws rake across the skin of his back in the process, blood immediately wetting his t-shirt. If anything, it was like a shark, enraging the beast further, who snarls and paces as it surrounds him.

Panic driving him to lengths he never would have considered, Gavin tries to stab with the coat hanger and all he manages to do is glance the flimsy piece of metal off of Michael’s iron hide. This refocuses the beast, which Gavin notices seems to be… pacing?

It stalks around him, snarling and spitting, but … not attacking. Like some invisible forcefield was keeping the beast away. Gavin risks trying to move.

Bad idea. The Wolf lunges, capturing Gavin’s ankle in his jaws. He yanks and Gavin slams unceremoniously down on the ground, dragged a few feet away from the closet until he’s exposed in the middle of the room. Blood drips from the teeth marks in his legs, but Gavin almost doesn’t notice as the Wolf hovers over him and teeth, saliva, and bright yellow eyes become all he can see.

His breath is ragged. What do you do when you see your death? Gavin’s lower lip starts quivering and he tries to bite it as tears well in his eyes. “M-Michael,” he gasps. “P-please don’t.”

And the Wolf… doesn’t.

A beat of silence between them, the heaving hulking form pinning Gavin to the ground, blood pooling under the man from the cuts and scratches along his back, one arm limp and obviously dislocated. He could rip his throat out, but he… doesn’t.

Michael.

Michael is inside the Wolf. With a gasp, Gavin realizes. Somewhere inside this beast is his boyfriend, his fiancé, and despite claiming he had no control, something is stopping the beast from killing him. Gavin can almost laugh with relief, but — the Wolf isn’t moving. And sooner or later, Michael is going to lose to the Will of the Beast.

“Michael,” Gavin whispers. “Michael, if you’re in there, please. It’s me. It’s Gavin, your boyfriend. I love you, please….”

The Wolf actually whines. It’s a terrifying sound, but its the sound of confusion and not rage. Progress. He just needed to keep talking. “Michael, baby, please. You’re in control. Just… get it to go. Turn around and go catch deer. P-please, god, no…” The Wolf lowers his head and takes a big sniff of Gavin’s face, the teeth agonizingly close, the saliva smearing across his cheek. Gavin doesn’t dare to move, as if the slightest extra sound or movement would break this spell that they are weaving together over this rabid animal.

Then, every millisecond drawn out to the longest amount of time possible, the Wolf rears back and steps off of Gavin. It looks at him and roars again furiously, shaking the house, and Gavin screws his eyes shut. He fucked up, this is it…

But then he hears the sound of claws on wood and the large form of a Wolf shoving its way through the cabin and then blissful, complete silence.

Laying on the floor, bleeding and in pain, Gavin finally allows himself to weep. Not in fear, but in relief. In love — Michael knew him. Michael wouldn’t allow that demon to kill him, no matter how little control he claimed to have. Tomorrow they would talk, tomorrow they would atone for their many many sins that came about that night, but tonight…

Tonight he would lay here and cry until the sun warms the trees and his fiancé comes back to him.

Some things are better left a mystery, after all.

[takonei]

Beta AU - Main story, Chapter 5, deadly life (Part 5)

Note of the author: Guys, gals and pals following this story, chapter 5 is finally coming to an end.

Chapter 5: An oath to one’s lost humanity - Deadly life

...

He's...

He's dead.

Rantaro is dead.

Why was he still crying? Why was he still so afraid?

This was the fifth execution he was witnessing. Why did this one feel so different? So heartbreaking? So...

... Personal?

Shuichi couldn't discern what was in front of him, his vision blurred by the tears and the overwhelming dark thoughts his mind had been drowning him in for days.

Before he knew it, his knees gave out. He felt a few tears fall, letting his view clear enough for him to notice he was on the checkered floor of the courtroom.

The violinist couldn't hear anything that was happening next to him. Were any of them crying? Wailing? Holding each other into their arms?

So much he couldn't focus on.

"He... Rantaro..."

Shuichi didn't even realize he was saying this out loud.

His view slowly became hazy again due to the non-ending tears flowing on his cheeks.

The sound of his heart racing was loudly echoing in his head.

But the devastating thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a heartwrenching cry.

Miu dropped to the ground as she screamed her lungs out, wailing the loss of the one they had all trusted. The one who became a role model for her and helped her become the person she was now.

The one she had cared so much about, even more than the rest of them.

Although Shuichi could not pay full attention to it, Kaito and Kokichi went by her side to comfort her.

"Why? Why did it have to be this way?! Why didn't he trust us with this?! Why did he decide that carrying us without any sort of help was the right thing to do?! Why didn't he think he deserved our recognition for helping us?!"

"I don't understand..."

She sobbed, hands gripping her head.

"I don't... I don't understand anything at all..."

...

Shuichi was still frozen.

Why indeed?

Why did he deny their gratefulness for the actions he had done?

And of course, was still lingering the never-answered question he had asked himself so many times already...

... What was madness and what was reality?

The thin line that was so clear to him had been reduced to shreds over the trials, the deaths, and their suffering.

A crazy and unbelievable world they had learned to accept, and then was proven to be even crazier than they had all first thought.

...

He could feel Kirumi's tall figure next to him still staring at the black screen.

Shuichi barely heard the sound of her heels approaching him.

He couldn't even raise his head to look at her.

To his surprise, she set a knee down next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "... Are you okay?"

A low voice that reeked repressed sorrow.

A simple question with a simple answer.

...

He doesn't know what took over him.

Before he realized what he was doing, the violinist had wrapped his arms around her, head buried in her chest. A grip stronger than he ever had on anyone in the entirety of this horrible game.

Was he so starved for comfort that his first reflex was to childishly clutch the person offering it?

What was he thinking? Why was he clinging to the trained killer who had the strength to throw him across the room?

Hadn't he had learned his lesson back then?

Had madness consumed him as well?

...

Kirumi didn't push him away, though.

After some time, she hesitantly placed her hands on his back, hugging him back without complaining.

He couldn't even find the courage to mutter a word. He could only cry his eyes out, shaking in her arms.

Shuichi didn't know how much time they would all spend mourning the slow death of their symbol of hope, in a wordless room filled with the sobbings and the cries of the ones fate had cursed.

Sixteen at the beginning, five alive as of now.

Eleven had perished under the despair of murderers and brutal executions.

He could only wonder why they were the ones still alive.

Why not Himiko? Korekiyo? Tsumugi? Keebo? Ryoma or Rantaro for that matter?

Shuichi kept crying. Life was unfair, and there was no one to blame but their captor.

Or captors, if what Rantaro said was true.

But right now, he couldn't bring himself to focus on theorizing about their situation.

The two were kept in this hug. He could feel Kirumi's rapid heartbeat in her chest. It felt so intimate, so private, and probably the most vulnerable he had ever seen her.

How could they even understand each other? They had lived completely opposite lives. Drastically different experiences that had forged them into the people they are now.

Although...

... The darkness surrounding them may be what was bringing those different worlds together, forcing them to coexist and cooperate to defeat a greater evil.

Worlds slowly decomposing as reality itself wasn't even trustworthy anymore.

Kirumi kept gently petting his back.

There was nothing around him anymore, just the tight embrace of the mercenary...

... And one, single tear falling on his head.

 ...

 ...

 --

 ...

 Shuichi doesn't know how much time passed before he regained a bit of consciousness and control over himself again.

And when he moved a little, Kirumi immediately gave him some space. She seemed to be at least a bit better now.

They didn't exchange words, and instead, silently helped each other to get back up.

He must be a mess, but at least Kirumi had the decency not to comment on that.

Monokuma was gone, surprisingly.

Miu was still sitting on the ground, looking at the void with eyes reddened by tears that had now dried.

Kaito and Kokichi seemed to have been trying to comfort each other as well.

The violinist swallowed before approaching the three.

"Are you... Okay?"

Kokichi glanced at the grieving Miu. "Hey... We should... We should get out of here."

He was right. This courtroom was only making matters worse.

The street artist rubbed her eyes and took Kaito's hand to get back up.

They looked around the courtroom, which seemed to have fewer lights on than before, like a store that had closed hours ago.

"Monokuma didn't even bother trying to make us leave..." Kokichi muttered.

"Not like he could have done anything." Kaito glanced at everyone. "We're all complete emotional messes."

There was a silence that lasted a few seconds.

Miu slowly started walking towards the exit.

"Let's just leave."

The ride in the elevator was quiet, and Shuichi was somehow grateful the machine kept emitting its loud mechanical noise. At least he could focus on something other than the dark thoughts in his mind.

They stepped outside the shrine. The sun had long gone down by now.

The five last survivors walked back to the dorms, each to their respective rooms.

What was going to happen next?

Would this game even continue? Rantaro might have failed and gotten executed, but he might be right, at least to an extent.

According to him, they could not trust anything they knew. Not themselves, their memories nor their pasts.

But also that this game was now completely devoid of sense and rules. What sort of motive would even incite them to kill anymore?

He could only hope the bear would indeed get bored and stop this massacre once and for all.

...

He closed his dorm room door behind him and fell onto his bed.

He didn't feel like sleeping, but didn't feel like staying awake either.

Shuichi stared at the other side of his room, not even bothering to put on proper clothes to sleep.

...

--

...

*knock* *knock*

He was suddenly taken out of this half-sleeping state when someone tapped on his door.

They could have used the doorbell, but Shuichi guessed they didn't want to make too much noise.

"I'm coming..."

The violinist slowly got up from his bed and opened the door. And here was standing...

Kirumi.

"W-What are you doing here?" he mumbled, rubbing his eye.

She was still in her uniform, and had visibly not tried to rest like he did.

"There's something important I need to address. I'll be waiting for you in the courtyard."

She immediately closed the door and left.

"W-Wait!"

Too late.

What was that about?

He went to the bathroom to splash water on his face.

Shuichi stared at the mirror, but somehow, this reflection didn't feel like his.

"The person you all loved and cherished, Rantaro Amami, the ultimate medic... Never existed."

...

Was he real? Was he nothing but a pale copy of another person?

Could he even call himself Shuichi Saihara anymore?

He could only try to imagine what was on Rantaro's mind all this time.

The violinist shook his head.

Not now.

He put on his shoes and left for the courtyard.

Just as she said, Kirumi was here, alone.

"U-Um... What did you want to talk about?"

"I'll wait until everyone gets here."

Everyone? What was important enough for her to call them here?

He could only wait and see.

None were in the mood for small talk, and that was perfectly fine.

The three other survivors came one by one, Miu being the last to arrive.

They all looked like they had tried to sleep, but were either kept awake by the terror and sorrow they were all feeling, or were waken up by Kirumi herself.

"So? What's the deal?" Kaito asked.

Kirumi crossed her arms, not glancing at anyone in particular. "I wanted to tell this to all of you immediately, but considering your current states, I preferred to let you take a break from this... 'Trial', if we can even call it that way."

Fair enough. But... What was it that couldn't wait until tomorrow?

"I've had this feeling ever since the execution. But to investigate alone would have been selfish and stupid on my part."

The mercenary raised her hand, palm facing them. She tightly gripped her sleeve. "You see..."

She pulled it down, revealing what looked like a strange electronic pin planted in her arm, a tiny smudge of dried blood where the needle was entering her skin.

"... I have a feeling that this case is not over yet."

Shuichi's eyes widened, both in horror and shock.

"W-What the hell is this?!" Kaito yelled. "Why the fuck do you have that in your arm?!"

The violinist could tell this was new. After all, he had seen her bare arms twice before, and she sure as hell didn't have that.

"I'm fairly certain Rantaro is the one who planted it on me."

Miu visibly perked up at the mention of his name. "What does Rantaro have to do with this?!"

"Remember when I grabbed him by the collar earlier?"

Shuichi winced. This moment wasn't the most joyful and pleasant to think about.

"I believe he planted this when he put his hand on my wrist. I didn't think that much of it at the time, but I could feel something in my arm ever since then. And I doubt he would have done this for no reason at all, and more importantly discreetly enough for Monokuma not to notice, or at least comment on that."

What... What else did Rantaro plan for this case?

"B-But..." Kokichi stuttered. "That must have hurt... How didn't you notice him planting it in your arm? I mean... You said you 'believe', like you are not sure..."

Kirumi froze.

...

Her condition.

They still didn't know.

She sighed. "I guess I had to reveal it someday."

"I don't feel physical pain. I never did. Rantaro knew that already, and I believe he took advantage of this to transfer one final message he couldn't allow Monokuma to take away from us."

"YOU WHAT?" Kaito yelled.

Shuichi looked at him. "She's telling the truth... I've seen it for myself."

"Hold on, when??" Miu frowned.

"Uh-

"Now isn't the time." Kirumi interrupted the discussion. "Rantaro must have given me this piece of evidence so we would have one step ahead of Monokuma. If we don't use it carefully, we will waste it."

Shuichi nodded as she watched her putting her sleeve back in place, not bothering to take out the pin. But perhaps it was safer this way.

"I've been thinking about it since the end of the trial, and there is only one place this could be useful in. Follow me."

They glanced at each other, but followed Kirumi without questioning. She must be staying silent so Monokuma wouldn't try to ruin their final investigation on this case.

The group climbed up the stairs of the main building one by one, and she stopped...

... In front of Ryoma's research lab.

This was where the two had prepared their plan without the cameras watching them. And if Rantaro didn't want Monokuma to investigate before them, then it must be the right place.

Once in the lab and after locking the door behind them, they decided to look through everything to find a hint.

But something caught everyone's attention quite quickly.

The locks on the boxes.

They let Kirumi climb there to see if this was indeed the answer.

...

"I believe this has something to do with the boxes, but not this one. However, I do have a theory."

She climbed down and showed them the pin.

On the part that had been outside of her arm was a tiny blue square with several black dots and one single white dot.

"The pin is the key, but it opens only one lock, I think."

Kokichi tried to get a closer look. "Oh! Like the square may be a map of all the boxes and the white dot is the correct one!"

"That could be it."

After figuring out how the map worked, they let Kirumi climb on the box supposedly noted white.

*click!*

The sound of the box being unlocked was loud enough for Shuichi to hear.

"Bingo."

Kirumi climbed inside the box and after a few minutes, she went out.

And in her hand was...

... A camera with one of the anti-electronic bomb magnets on it.

"What is this?" Kokichi asked.

"I mean it's a camera, but... Do you think something important is in here?" Kaito asked.

Kirumi stared at the object. "I have a very bad feeling about this."

But they didn't have a choice. This was the very last hint Rantaro had given them.

And Rantaro's plans, as insane as they were, were able to catch Monokuma by surprise, even by failing.

Was he still helping them from the grave?

The group sat down as Kirumi put the camera in place so everyone could see.

"... Here goes nothing."

She turned the device on.

Two videos were saved. The first recorded video was a minute long and the second was about seven minutes long.

"Perhaps we should watch them by order of recording?" Miu suggested. "I don't know... It's just my guess..."

She seemed to have gained a bit of energy back. Enough to investigate on the legacy Rantaro had left behind.

"First video it is." the mercenary selected it and pressed the play button.

...

-

...

The video started. It was Ryoma's lab- they could recognize the boxes and the signature lighting. It looked like the camera was positioned to film the entrance.

The gadget didn't seem to have been activated by anyone, yet was somehow recording.

But before they could wonder how, someone appeared on the screen.

Ryoma.

"So? Everything is in place?"

Shuichi jumped at the voice of Rantaro.

The medic appeared on the screen with a hacking gun in his hand.

"It's filming. Be careful, we only have one shot."

"I know that already."

Rantaro positioned himself behind the door, and Ryoma disappeared from the field of view right after taking out his own hacking gun.

The medic stared at where Ryoma supposedly was and nodded.

"MONODAM! WE HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE RULES!!"

Rantaro yelled probably louder than necessary.

He tightly gripped the gun, finger on the trigger.

...

The door suddenly opened and Monodam walked in.

A beeping was heard- supposedly the electronic bomb.

The two jumped out of their hiding spots, Rantaro kicking the door to close it.

And to everyone's surprise, both had pulled the triggers.

However, something made Shuichi's heart stop.

Rantaro's shot missed, going past Ryoma. And the latter's shot was the one to take the robot down.

Ryoma fired a couple more times as Rantaro nonchalantly walked towards the now dead mascot, not even bothering to help.

"... He's deactivated. We're good."

Ryoma looked up to his partner. "Could you have at least tried to shoot a bit further away from my face?"

"Sorry. At least we're good now, right?"

"Yeah."

...

So many questions ran through Shuichi's head.

Rantaro shrugged. "But hey, the first part is over. I'll let you take care of Monodam while I get to see how Monokuma is going to ruin the exisal hangar assault. I'll report everything to you later on."

"Got it, boss."

Ryoma took out what looked like a remote and then...

...

-

... The video brutally ended.

Rantaro... missed? And more importantly, on purpose?!

Which meant...

Monokuma was wrong. Rantaro was not the culprit of this so-called case.

But... Why didn't he say anything?

Why did he let himself get executed?!

The camera was here with the proof!! Why didn't he defend himself?!

The others were also under the shock of this revelation.

"Rantaro... Didn't do anything...?" Kokichi shakily mumbled.

"Monokuma... You..." Miu muttered. She suddenly slammed the nearby box with her fist. "You fucking bastard!! This was someone innocent you executed!!"

Innocent...

Somehow a part of Shuichi hoped he was indeed the one who killed Ryoma. To think there was a possibility he was executed for nothing...

He didn't even want to think about it.

The little game the judge and the condemned were playing had deadly stakes that meant nothing to either of them.

Now that Monokuma was gone from their group and Rantaro was dead, they could only try to put the final puzzle pieces of this miserable trial together.

Their motives and the rules, the lies and the truth.

Shuichi thought he knew Rantaro by now, but...

Whoever was with them during the trial and on the video felt like a total stranger.

...

"There is a second video. And I have a feeling this will be somehow worse." Kirumi broke the silence, narrowing her eyes at the tiny screen.

They had all realized Monokuma's mistake, and their mistake as well.

But whatever the second video showed couldn't change the truth of the first.

Rantaro was executed either for the wrong reasons or for absolutely nothing.

"Are you guys ready?" Kaito asked.

They exchanged glances and nodded.

Kirumi selected the video and pressed play.

...

-

...

The camera moved slightly as if it was being adjusted.

But on the screen was a scene that immediately made Shuichi stiffen.

A rope. A chair. A white neon light.

This video was about Ryoma's death.

The camera in place, Rantaro moved in front of the lens, checking if everything worked.

"It's recording."

"Good."

Ryoma appeared on the screen.

The two walked towards the chair and rope. Ryoma climbed on the seat and placed the noose around his neck.

...

"So this is it, huh?" Rantaro said. "This is where your story ends."

Ryoma shrugged. "You know it doesn't. Not now, at least."

"Yes, yes, I know. But you're about to die, Ryoma."

...

"... I'm doing this for you guys. You better win, alright?"

"Don't worry. We will."

There was a long silence between the two.

"... So? Shall we proceed?" Ryoma asked.

"Of course."

Rantaro rummaged through one of his inner pockets and took out...

... A small bottle filled with transparent liquid, exactly the one he had tried to drink during his execution.

He handed it to Ryoma.

"Thanks."

The weapons maker opened the cap.

"What on earth did you mix for the smell to be that strong?"

"Do you want the full list?"

"I'll pass."

Ryoma approached the container to his lips, and...

... He drank the entire bottle.

Rantaro took back the empty container, putting it in his pocket.

"This tastes awful."

"Told you so."

Ryoma snickered. "You better win this trial, Rantaro Amami."

The medic didn't seem to react.

He watched as the other soldier seemed to feel nauseous, and not even ten seconds later, he collapsed.

Ryoma was dead.

Rantaro stared at the scene for about a minute.

He then proceeded to snatch the chair from under his feet.

The lifeless body swung for a moment, but stopped moving rather quickly.

This was the exact same horrifying scene they had all discovered earlier.

The medic approached the camera with the chair and sat down.

He stared at the lens, not a single emotion visible on his face.

(BGM)

"If you're watching this, then it means the plan was a success."

"This means that I was both executed and Monokuma failed at being a competent killing game host."

"You see, I spent days preparing this specific poison for the plan. A poison that could act in a matter of seconds and could not be identified through bloodshot eyes, vomited blood or anything else."

"After all, right now, the blood in Ryoma's body is still circulating enough to create the marks around his neck that will make you all think he hanged himself."

"So if everything goes according to plan, Monokuma will have marked his death as either hanging, suffocation, or strangulation."

"But in reality, his death was never related to the rope."

"And if I get executed, this means he would have done so for absolutely no valid reason at all. I didn't disrespect any rules, I didn't kill Monodam, and I didn't kill Ryoma. Which means..."

"... That I am completely innocent in the case of Ryoma Hoshi, the ultimate weapons maker."

"In other words, absolutely everything about this case is nothing but pure lies and inability to take care of a simple suicide. Cause of death wrong, rules broken, innocent executed for crimes they didn't commit..."

"Nothing but pure failure on Monokuma's part."

"You may wonder why I did this. Why we prepared this entire plan. Well..."

"Most of the reasons are what I told you after the trial. About destroying Monokuma's will to continue the game. But there are a few more reasons for my actions."

"Why did I let myself being executed? Why didn't I show the proof with the cameras? Well..."

"I didn't want to."

"I wanted Monokuma to go through his entire thought process only to realize he had been wrong all along and had broken the rules for absolutely no other reason than his incompetence."

He chuckled.

"Isn't that what he loves to do? To get our hopes up and make us fall into a greater despair?"

"So how about we turn the tables for once?"

"Monokuma, you thought you had managed to put an end to our plan, but that was never the case. You fell right into my trap because you always let us do whatever we wanted."

"You miscalculated everything about this."

"Ah, but you guys don't know what I'm talking about exactly."

"The cameras showed him that I was preparing a poison. But this poison was not to end my life on my own terms like he thought I would do in case the plan failed. It was for the plan itself."

"But you may ask, what exactly did I take out of my pocket later on during the execution? Well... If I even managed to do so? The answer is quite simple."

"It was plain water."

"Nothing but still water available in this lab. As stupid as this sounds, any transparent liquid could be mistaken for water and vice-versa. Quite convenient if you ask me."

"Anyway, there is another question that you probably asked yourselves at some point."

"Why wasn't *I* the victim of this case?"

"You see..."

"I was supposed to. I was the one who volunteered to be the victim."

"However, Ryoma didn't let me. He wanted me to live no matter what. And that's when I got a better idea."

"To manipulate Monokuma into killing me."

"Of course, I omitted a lot of details when I explained the plan to Ryoma, or else he wouldn't have accepted to help me in this. I told him I would show the videos after Monokuma votes me guilty, but being executed was my intention since the very beginning."

"Now does that mean Ryoma's death was useless? Absolutely not. This plan wouldn't have been a success without his sacrifice."

"I do wish he didn't have to die this way, but the end justifies the means, as they all say."

"Although, I'm getting off-topic here."

"..."

"Hey, mastermind."

"Do you see it now?"

"You failed, and I won."

"We both did this little game of play pretend for three weeks and you lost."

"Admit your defeat. There's no point in continuing because everyone has already realized by now how pathetic this shitshow really is."

"And even if you don't immediately give up, everything will end soon enough."

"..."

"... Well, I do have one last thing I want to say to you, asshole."

Rantaro smiled and raised the middle finger.

"Get fucked, mastermind."

...

-

...

Shuichi couldn't believe his eyes.

Rantaro... He had won.

He was exactly where he wanted to be.

In the afterlife after dying as a martyr.

Everything he supposedly felt was nothing but an act to manipulate Monokuma. Lies that had fooled them all, including the mastermind.

This meant that when the investigation had just started, now hours ago, when they looked at the information the bear had given them to investigate...

... The game was already over.

Shuichi couldn't even comprehend how insane this was.

Out of all the things Rantaro could have done to try to defeat Monokuma, this was the last thing he expected him to do... And yet he felt like he should have.

He could somehow hear the deranged laugh of the medic in the back of his head, mocking them all from the world of the dead.

Mocking Monokuma for his mistakes... And perhaps laughing at the absurdity of his own life too.

A man filled with illusory memories, perishing from a meaningless death.

There was not even a single bit of dignity left of him. His whole honor had been shattered to pieces by this killing game.

...

The violinist thought about the conversation they had in the morning.

"I won't be able to die in peace until I'm absolutely sure this game is over."

The way he smiled as he was dying, leaning against the bridge pole with nothing but ashes in his lungs and blood flowing out of his shoulder...

He died satisfied.

He died in peace, knowing his plan was a brilliant success.

An ending that was a tragedy to them, but a blessing to him.

Rantaro... He was really...

... A mastermind of his own.

 --

"..."

"Rantaro, you filthy bastard."

"You actually won."

"I should have known what I was getting into when I made this decision back then."

"A move that I now realize cost me my place of 'ultimate mastermind', but a move I do not regret in the slightest."

"You were a wonderful adversary. I am glad I got to fight you in this nonsensical game, although there are a lot of things I do regret. And I do wish you were here for the final trial."

"..."

"I was wrong to underestimate you."

"This whole madness..."

"That's why you started the act, isn't it?"

"To make me lower my guard and think you were not as much of a threat as I thought you would be."

"At first I didn't believe your bullshit thanks to Kiyo. However, the more this game went on, the more I realized you were slowly drowning in your own despair."

"But I made the mistake of thinking you wouldn't be a worthy opponent in those conditions, and thus you managed to pull out a plan even greater than anything I've ever done in this game."

"Congratulations, Rantaro."

"I admit defeat."

"You're observing me from the afterlife, aren't you? In that case..."

"Watch."

"Consider this a promise, or a gift."

"I will finish what you started."

"I am going to put an end to all of this."

"..."

"Oh well..."

"You already made sure this game would end since the very beginning of your crazy plan, didn't you?"

[lala-pipo]

(1) WOW! 4 months has passed since you answered my last ask hahaha… so fast… I understand, sometimes when I spend too much time on something, be it working or studying or even recreational stuff I feel burnt out to :D Like I spent 5 straight days last week playing Stardew Valley, now I haven’t touched the Switch lol anyways, I am still enjoying the updates on Dorm Life! It’s slowly progressing but I think it’s good for both of them so far? Taking it one step at a time :3

(2) It’s like they are back at it again with their bantering and anime/fanfic conversations :’) the comfortableness is there but also at the same time it feels unsettling? maybe because we are seeing it from Taem’s POV and he is kinda fidgety (for a lack of better word) or tense about the situation? Hmmm but yeah the ending at the latest chapter though!! Whoooo could have been calling Jong at that time? And the off-character part where he turned off his phone, refusing to take the calls :O

(3) Obviously like Taem we would probably just wonder if it’s Key right, but idk why some instinct telling me it’s not Key like it’s a new part of the story? A new subplot? Lol or maybe it is Key and we are closing that chapter? Uhuhuh I’m just going to theorize in the corner here as I wait for the next update :3 Ah! Yeah, and you said there won’t be any crying moments anymore, so will there be more cheesy things like the end of the latest chapter? Cringe inducing lines and “aww” moments? ;)

(4) Yeah, ofc ofc since to Taem, Key is his “antagonist”, we were bound to kind of see it the same way… in the latest update too, there were a lot of thoughts inside Taem’s head regarding his observations on Key right… like I think there was a part where he thought that Key was looking down on him, or even he thought that Key and Jong should be having stricter? (Idk if that’s the right word) boundaries on things that they should and shouldn’t talk about lol

(5) To be honest, it’s kind of entertaining to see Taem’s train of thoughts on these things like, that almost instantaneous thought in someone’s head that they don’t really share to others. It can be a little bit biased, it can be overdramatic, but ofc I also I understand Taem’s hatred? Or more like insecurity maybe? When it comes to Key (and Jong). It’s the kind of things people think about but not really say out loud hahaha I love it, it makes the characters more whole?

(6) Oh yeahh? I shall be sneaking my way into AO3 to see your replies :3 For a while I kind of realized that you uploaded every 3 weeks? On my Sunday nights, so I timed it perfectly lol recently I’ve been busy too so this one took a while hehehe :D Since my last ask I think you updated twice with chapter 10 and 11! I think chapter 10 was more like “where is this going, what is happening” uncertain section with everyone just passing by time and going with the flow? Ft. mother and Kai hahah

(7) In chapter 11, I think the direction is clearer for them, thanks to the convo by the river!! It was a necessary conversation and I’m glad that they were able to talk about it, after great difficulty :’) Then the chapter was filled with fluff cheese fluff Taem’s thoughts on Key fluff :3 hahaha oh! Maybe I wasn’t paying attention as much but there weren’t many biblical allusions in the past 2 chapters? Maybe it was intentional or maybe not, either way I didn’t notice many of them I think? haha

(8) Maybe ‘cos Taem’s thoughts are filled with “where is this going”, Jong, Key, and then the upcoming exam lol so not so much bible references going on in his head haha… Also!! I saw new fanfics for Jong’s month and I did not read them yet!! So excited, probably will read them as I wait for the updates :D Also!! SHINee x AoT fanfic, yes please omg… I actually searched for one back in 2013-2014? When AoT Anime was just released… we have Pacific Rim AU, so I was rooting hard for AoT AU :’(

(9) Sooo yeah, I’ll look forward to any new fanfics by you in the future too! But please do take time away from it if it tires you out or if you are burned out! It should be an enjoyable thing to do for you :D Anyways! Thank you for the updates! I thoroughly enjoyed the fluff, oh! and thank you for accepting my tomo-choco lol, and I gratefully accept yours! <3 I hope you had and will have an amazing time for the upcoming months! Take care, and stay healthy! – cricket anon

____________________________________________________

Cricket nony!

Wow indeed! It certainly has been a while. How have you been? I have never heard of Stardew Valley before, but I’m glad you’ve enjoyed playing it. But I know that feeling, sometimes I play games for weeks and then I won’t touch them for a year. Humans are weird like that I guess. ^^

I’m glad you’re still enjoying my slow updates. I mean we are about to cross the finishing line. There are only two chapters left to complete the storyline + the epilogue. So yeah. Considering that I already wanted to be done with the story by March – and now we’re nearing July already. Haha – but at least I’m working on it to push this story over the finishing line.

It’s not really a subplot – more like the underlying theme of the story which has been there since chapter 1. If the story was written from Jonghyun POVs it would have been a main theme, but since we’re seeing everything from Taem’s perspective, we just know what Jonghyun shares with him – which is not a lot. :’)

Yes, there won’t be any more tears. There will be a few cheesy moments, but less so compared to chapter 11. :’D Chapter 12 is like the last peak before – hopefully – all ties come together in chapter 13 *knocks on wood*

Oh, Taemin will have a lot more thoughts on Kibum in chapter 12. Lmao The whole situation between Kibum and Taemin is loosely based on something from my own experiences. However, without going too much into detail – let’s keep it simple and say I was the Jonghyun in that scenario. Lmao

Yeah, I think there are plenty of moments in this story in which Taemin thinks a LOT of things but says something very different out loud. I think that’s only human. It’s just better to not share all thoughts one has. :’)

It’s certainly intentional that there are less biblical references after they’ve actually been to church. There are still some left to come, but far less than in previous chapters. It’s supposed to show that Taemin is slowly beginning to find his balance in a way, his way in life? I don’t know how to put it, but he slowly gets more rooted.

THANK YOU! Finally someone who understand my craving for SHINee x AoT fanfic. I really, really want to write one because for some reason I want to write something more action driven with blood, and gore and violence lmao and of course titans. I mean romance is cute – but romance is even cuter if you put it into a dystopian setting where people are fighting for the survival of human kind. A SHINee survey squad would be so cute T_T <3 I don’t really know why no one picked up on yet after all those years – we have so many crossovers in this fandom – and yet a crossover with one of the biggest fandoms out there is just nonexistent. It makes no sense to me. I also always wanted to write a Harry Potter crossover but there are so many out there already – so AoT really lets my weeb juices tingle. Lmao

I remember really liking bmot’s JongTae pacific rim AU…although I still have no idea about pacific rim to this day. :’D I always wanted to look it up because I like the description in their story – it seemed an interesting concept but somehow I’ve never went further than thinking about it.

Thanks for dropping by again, cricket nony! Talk to you in 4 months? Maybe…lmao Take good care of yourself. *waves* <3