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hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis · 4 years ago

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Virago 13. It was All Lies

Summary: Y/N was sent to the ground after spending five years in the Skybox for stealing medical supplies and murder. How will she deal with her new environment and learn to survive on earth? Will she crack under the pressure of becoming a leader of the 100 or will she embrace it.

Post Date: 08.28.20

Word count: 1.6k

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x Reader

Based off: 02x02 “Inclement Weather”

Masterlist

100 Master List

The next couple of hours made you feel like you were back in the Skybox. You enjoyed having something to do around camp, but here, you had nothing to do. It made you feel like a prisoner again. It didn’t help much that you weren’t allowed to leave either.

“Look who finally got released,” You hear Jasper say from beside your bed. You pop up to see Miller and Maya walk into the room.

“Hey,” Miller says making his way towards you, Clarke and Jasper.

“Miller,” Clarke says as she moves to the edge of her bed, dangling her legs off the side.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” You say moving to the edge of your bed as well.

“Yeah. It only took, what, three surgeries?” He looks over to Maya for confirmation. “I hear you two are fitting right in?” Miller gestures to you and Clarke. You notice the upward glare from Maya, before realizing that she was looking at Clarke.

“Twice a day. Don’t forget. He’ll be okay in a few days. Here,” Maya says handing Miller a pill bottle and a bag. Jasper starts to talk to Maya and you notice how well they’re hitting it off, it makes you happy seeing how happy he is. Not much later an alarm starts to go off.

“What’s going on?” You ask stepping in front of Maya as she starts to rush out.

“That signal means a surface patrol is back, and someone needs medical attention. I have to go to quarantine,” She explains before rushing past you.

“Hey Clarke, Y/N. What are you doing?” Jasper catches both of your arms as you and Clarke start to follow her.

“Maybe they found survivors. If our people are hurt, we have the right to know,” Clarke explains for the both of you.

“Pretty sure we shouldn’t go wandering around,” Jasper says following you two as you don’t give him a chance to finish. The three of you run down the halls before finding where Maya had gone to. A group of people including her were getting dressed in suits.

“Who attacked them?” Clarke asks after hearing one of the men explain what happened.

“What are they doing here?” He questions Maya. You don’t hesitate for a moment to take a key card from the man’s shirt behind you and run off. “Stop it’s not safe!” The first man yells.

“It is for us,” Clarke responds as you scan the keycard. “Come on Jasper,” She says as you open the door.

“Someone’s gotta keep them out of trouble,” You hear Jasper’s voice as you run into the quarantine area.

“Clarke, Y/N slow down,” Jasper says as he catches up to you.”Stop pushing so hard. These people are--” Jasper starts as you make your way into a room.

“Are lying to us,” Clarke states as we get to a body in a bag.

“That’s a bullet wound,” You point out as you inspect the body. “Grounders don’t use guns,” You state looking back to Jasper.

“Unless the grounders got the guns from us,” Jasper suggests.

“Unlikely,” You respond back.

“I think our people are alive out there,” Clarke adds in.

“Get them out of here.” The doctor from before says as she makes her way into the room. Closely following are two people helping a heavily burned man from the radiation.

You, Jasper and Clarke, are escorted back to your room, but being impatient you and Clarke ask to see the body again. A few hours later, two guards had picked you up and taken you back to another quarantine room, where Dante was waiting.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. We had to finish decontamination.” The doctor says as she rolls in the body.

“Thank you, Dr. Tsing,” Dante says to her.

“The man with the burns, how is he?” Clarke questions.

“He’s improving,” Tsing responds.

“I’d like to talk to him,” You butt in.

“I’d like to too,” Clarke adds.

“Sir, only patients are allowed in medical,” Tsing explains.

“We can arrange that,” Dante replies. Tsing pulls back the sheet on the body for us to inspect again.

“What is this?” Clarke asks pointing to the port like thing of the man’s chest.

“It’s a dialysis shunt. We all have them in case of exposure. Would you like to see the exit wound?” Tsing asks. You and Clarke nod as Tsing starts to roll over the body as Dante helps her.

“Sargent Langston was forced to push the arrow out in the field,” Tsing explains as a smaller wound than what we saw earlier was displayed. Tsing then brings out the arrowhead he was shot with. You and Clarke look at eachother confused, but still knowing that something is up.

“What did President Wallace say?” Jasper questions as you and Clarke make your way back into the room.

“He showed us Shaw’s body. It looked like an arrow wound,” You explain as you walk towards your bed.

“Maybe because it is an arrow wound,” Jasper responds.

“Or that’s what they want us to think,” Clarke whispers as you see Japsers face turn to disappointment. “What? They could’ve doctored it,” Clarke responds to his facial expression.

“Clarke and Y/N. You guys sound like crazy people. Why do you want to screw this up for us? Jasper whispers back.

“We don’t know what this is,” You add.

“This is safe. This is food, a real bed, clothes. My personal favorite: not getting speared by grounders. And how long do you guys think they’ll let us stay if you guys keep this up?” Jasper questions.

“Did someone threaten you?” Clarke asks, clearly concerned for their safety.

“No. No, it’s common sense. Look we’re guests here, not prisoners. What would you do with a guest who kept calling you a liar? Generally, acted like an ungrateful ass?” Jasper asks, upset at both of our actions.

“I’d kick their ungrateful ass out.” Miller butts in not shifting his eyes up from his book.

“Right now, the biggest threat to us is you two,” Jasper points out before walking away.

“I get what Jasper is saying but I can’t help but feel like something is up,” You say to Clarke.

“I agree, but we have no means of proving anything,” Clarke sighs.

Later in the day you and the group are in the main area just hanging out. You try to keep busy and enjoy yourself but you can’t help but feel like something is wrong. You notice Clarke sitting by the hallway, looking just as miserable as you.

“Frustrated too?” You ask as she tosses a paper in the trash next to her.

“We look that bad, huh?” She asks back. You laugh and nod and look up noticing Clarke’s facial expression change.

“What is it?” You whisper. She nods her head forward and you turn around to see the man, Langston, with almost completely clear skin walk by. Clarke gets up from her seat as you follow her. You follow her to where Langston was standing and waiting for an elevator but she stops, letting him go into the elevator.

You walk off to try and let go of the fact that Langston was fine. But your brain kept telling you to find out and get out of Mount Weather. You keep walking through the halls figuring out how to get into medical since its only for patients. Soon enough you come up onto a slightly ajar door with the perfect sharp edge to reopen one of your wounds.

You look around to make sure that no one was in sight before dragging the sharp edge across the cut you got from the glass earlier. You start to walk around with your bloody arm.

“Excuse me...I--I cut my arm,” You say to a guard as you fake stumble into their arms.

“I’ll take you right to medical,” He says as you fake pass out in his arms. You feel yourself being set on a bed in the med bay. You lay with your eyes closed continuing to fake sleep as someone stitches your arm back up and places another cover ontop.

“Got another one,” You hear someone say as you hear the door open to the med bay.

“Alright set her down next to Y/N,” You hear the familiar voice say as you recognize it as Tsing. You lie a bit longer until you hear her heels click off in the distance finally opening your eyes.

You first look over and find Clarke lying next to you. You bring up your newly stitched up arm as she does the same, “Guess we had the same idea,” You whisper to her.

The two of you get up from your beds as Clarke makes her way over to Langston, trying to wake him up. “What are they doing to you?” She whispers.

“Where do you think these tubes lead?” You question as you inspect them.

“Nowhere good, I’m guessing,” She responds back. You watch as she follows where the tubs connect to and follow her.

The tubes lead you two to a large door. You try to open it but it clearly doesn’t budge without the proper access, “Think we could get in there through that vent?” Clarke asks as she looks up at the vent on the same wall as the door.

The two of you work together to get the vent off and climb through it. Once you’re at the other side you’re greeted by grounds in white clothes bung upside down. You and Clarke looked at eachother in astonishment. You make your way through the hung up grounders before finally taking notice of the many cages holding more grounders.

You and Clarke walk between cages as the grounders try to reach out for you, in hopes of being saved. You notice Clarke stop and bend down at a particular cage.

“Anya?” You question bending down after Clarke.

A/N: So this part is just a filler but also a very important one. I hope you enjoyed it!

#The 100 #the 100 series #the 100 imagine #the 100 x reader #the 100 rewrite #clarke griffin #jasper jordan #monty green #maya vie #nathan miller #100virago

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throwing-summers-at-the-walls · 4 years ago

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Hello half valid anon here (i like my nickname 😂). I got through all your fics and they were all great. Right now im just reading a lot of poi fanfics and watch fanvids cause i can't accept that the series is over 😂 --- i know what you mean about fics affecting you negatively. I had this with 13rw (the Show and some fics) everything was so dark and hopeless that i had to stop watching it. I also love to seek out fics where someone is hurt so i can feel my pain through the characters (1)

But i try to read only fics with lots of comfort so it kinda feels like i get comforted as well (dont know if that makes sense). If it makes you uncomfortable or if its unhealthy for you to write about this i completely understand and i dont mean to come of as pushing you to write. I just hope whatever you do will be the right decision for you! As for you feeling suicidal im sorry to hear that. Let me know if there is ever anything i can do to help! I wish i could say sth more comforting but Im not super good with words :( i just hope you have people in your life that support you! 💛

maybe root will grow on you too? Or maybe you can skip her scenes and enjoy John, Harold and most importanly Bear! 😂 Yeah Shaw definately looks really good. She is a bit like Reese minus the caring. At first it seems she doesnt care about anything at all but thats not exactly the Case. There was an episode with Shaw and a little girl (3x5) and i really loved it (have you seen that one?).

I really think Shaw would grow on you (especially since in the beginning she does a lot with John) but then again a lot of her later scenes include Root so im not sure. Yes i love that there were never any romantic undertones with her and John!!

yeah the core four were great. I was so sad when Carter died! :(

i guess everyone sees chemistry different, i think Shoot and Rinch post have great chemistry ☺️

as for John being good with people: YES!! he is always so compassionate and such a great listener as well. I especially like him with children. John and the baby were so cute or John with the boy who offered to pay for him. John + Kids was always a great combination and i wished we would have seen it more often. Also regarding children we did we never got to see a John Taylor scene after Carters death? I needed that!

yes John the badass is also amazing! His character has so many different sides and i love him so much!!

i think Grace Harold was really cute but i dont really see a future for them, i mean he lied to her for so long! but then again they really loved each other so idk maybe they work it out. Im also not into John/Harold/Grace but like you said good for the people who like the ship :)

John and Zoe were great! i wish Zoe would have appeared more often!

I have so many things to say about John and the boring therapist but i think i better not say them :D i wish i could just erase their relationship from my mind!

of course he didnt die! i didnt see a dead body so i refuse to believe he is dead! i also just wanted them to be happy. what kind of an ending is it to let the main character die? i refuse to accept this! -- thank you for the rec i will check it out :) while i do like fluff i mostly read h/c (with the focus on the comfort) cause i just want John to get his much needed comfort :D -- i have no idea where season 1 is supposed to be boring. but idc the people can live with their wrong opinions :D

(today: tumblr user nourann3 discovers the option to indent text after almost 5 years on tumblr...)

Hiii !! It is a very valid nickname 😂 That's nice !! Hmu if you want more recs ! Lol same honestly, I can't believe it's been 4 years since the show ended ! I can give you a link to my poi/Rinch fanvids playlist if you're interested 👀

Oh boi 13rw is so cursed, can't believe I watched all of the 1st season 😬 I remember being afraid of the suicide scene making me uncomfortable but it was so cringe, unrealistic and just bad that I wasn't even that uncomfortable, I cringed when she cut her arms but that's it.

Yeah big mood I project a lot on comfort fics as well. For suicide fics, I think it also depends on how the fics adress the subject. It's something that is complicated to write. If I read a suicide fic with no recovery I'm gonna project but feel like shit. But with recovery, I can project into the recovery as well so it's better ! I read a really good ace attorney fic showing Miles recovering after a suicide attempt, it was thoughtful and didn't fall into the pitfalls of magical super fast recovery/love heals everything, and some lines stuck with me, it was really good and comforting. But yeah if it's just a suicide/suicide attempt then I don't think it's good for me (but sometimes I still read it bc I'm a Dumb Bitch).

Dw you didn't come off as pushing 💜 I'll see how I feel about continuing it or not. I have to figure out if writing about suicide is positive or negative for me 🤔 I mean I'm not portraying John's suicidal crisis as a positive thing, and he reaches out to Harold, and considers he might get better so I don't think it's bad for me ? Another problem is that I have a tendency to drop my wips to write a new shiny idea I get, and then I never finish anything gkgkffjfjf I dropped the suicide fic for the body horror fic which I dropped for the time loop fic, and there's also the hanahaki fic I started last year but I haven't touched in months, plus a bunch of random shit floating around OneDrive lmao someone stop me

What helps the most is venting, just getting that shit out is helping y'know. I appreciate your support ♥️ at least it's not as bad as it used to be

I doubt Root will grow on me, catch me watching her scenes at 1.5 speed lmao, also yes you bet I'll enjoy watching them !!

Yes I remember that ep ! Iirc the little girl tells Shaw she has feelings but the volume is lower than in other people or smth along those lines ?

I hope she'll grow on me bc she seems cool. I remember I was a bit afraid of her just becoming a sort of hollow copy of John, like "look we added another badass to the show". Seems to be more than that though ! Also I'm curious about their mayhem twins dynamic. But yeah if she has a lot of scenes with Root idk how much it'll annoy me

I feel like I wouldn't be able to get the Shoot chemistry bc I'm too biased against Root lol

Ikr the crossing hurt me so much. But thinking about it takes me back to my careese days and my first fics lol. I feel like the death of one of the core four + the abandonment of the library really alienated me from the show (did I already say that before ?). And here I'm gonna shamelessly derail from Carter to the library bc boiii do I have a lot of feelings about the library !! And you're here, talking about poi, so you're the perfect subject to throw these feelings at. This post really says what I feel about it (I'll put the link at the end as well if you wanna read it after you're done with this l o n g reply). It was in a way its own character and its forced abandonment/destruction really hit me (fucked me up when they broke that glass board). It says something that it's one of the few things I remember from S3 along with Carter's death and 4C. I loved it a lot, it was a cornerstone of the show. It was a safe place, a home for Harold and John (and Bear !). I love when they're together in there, I love this cracked glass board, this yellow stained glass in the windows !!! (at least I assume it's stained glass ?), these lights, Bear's cushion, the whole cozy/safe/isolated feelings, just absolutely everything. And yeah later they have the subway, idk when it's introduced I don't remember if it's early enough for me to have watched it. And maybe it's nice, I can't judge rn. But it's like trying to give me a new MC after a MCD, make him as nice as you want I'll be clutching the previous MC until I die. Gkfkfkff I went overboard and off topic but I just love the library ok

Ikr I love how he's badass but also gentle and understanding and nice to people ! I love him !!! Yeah wolf and cub is really good, also I love when John smiles to Darren at the end !! I use this moment as my pfp bc I love it so much. He's just so cute ! I wish he smiled more (did we ever hear him laugh in the entirety of the show ?). Baby blue is so great, Harold and him are such a married couple in this ep ! Yeah same more content with John and children would have been nice.

I never thought about how much we needed a John Taylor scene but yes !! We were robbed :((((

Speaking of John being a cool badass. Here's a badass John vid rec it's super good

youtube

Yeah they were cute in the past. I think it's good he went back to her bc it gives closure to both of them. But I don't see their relationship working again. She grieved, probably started to move on after all these years and knowing he lied all this time probably won't make her want to go back with him. I've never been in love so what do I know lol, but were I her I probably wouldn't want to go back with him and I'd just be happy knowing he's alive after all.

Same I need more Zoe (also she's hot)

Lmao let's just forget about that weird relationship shall we

Aren't we all the same, firmly believing he's alive and happy out there ! It was foreshadowed since the first ep and it made sense but do I care ? No, fuck that shit John is very much alive

You're welcome ! John needs all the comfort and the love !!! I think I have a preference for fluff bc he gets hurt enough in the show lol

Indeed they can, veryyy far away from us

Sry if this is shit I have like half a functioning braincell today

The post abt home bases I mentioned

#half valid anon #look you have your own tag #person of interest #tw suicide #i thought I was done but then i got feelings abt the library

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mental-health-advice · 5 years ago

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(1/3) So here's the thing. I feel like I'm going to fail my next years in school, and be a disappointment entirely compared to my older sister who graduated from Stanford. On top of that, there are so many family issues in which my mom, my frickin 50 year old mom is coming to me for advice and to cheer her up. Not to mention my sister has this horrible attitude but she's depressed so I want to help her so bad but its a pain in the behind to talk and work with her, you have no clue. And I hate

(2/3) sorry for the discontinuity, I have to leave momentarily and I forgot what I left on, god that sounds stupid haha, but my point is im always in people's corner with a smile on my face and nobody is ever in my corner which really sucks but hey I have been coping for several years so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ deal with it I guess but it definitely feels good to vent on anon. my main problem right now is I think im gonna fail in life. especially because im in an extra competitive environment. im also sick of

(3/3) being dumb. everyone thinks im dumb, I think im dumb and ive gotten over it but honestly im still sick of it. I dread tomorrow, or every coming day. but im scared as to what happens after death. god this is dark and tbh this is the most ive ever vented to someone and the great thing is I dont feel ashamed or awkward because im anon so yay Tumblr. anyway tysm if you have actually read this highkey boring story, you're genuinely great, and I hope youre aware of the impact you're having :)

Hello lovely,

I’m so glad that venting out to us has made you feel even the tiniest bit better, having an outlet no matter what it is, is so important in keeping us moving forward and helps us feel so much better!

It is so lovely of you to be there for all those around you who you love, but you gotta put yourself first. If you aren’t feeling well or taking care of yourself then you aren’t able to take care of those around you. Is there any one that you feel as though you could have a mutual conversation with? Start with something like “I love being there for you. I’m going through a really hard time too and I was wondering if I could talk to you about it”. That way you break the ice a little. Another great outlet that I love if I’m having trouble talking to people is writing things out in a journal. That way I get to say everything that I want to say, no matter how harsh it might sound, without worrying about hurting someone else's feelings if it relates to other people. Other amazing outlets that have helped me release a bit of stress and tension is yoga and exercise if you want to try those also!

In terms of your family it can be hard to keep things at a certain distance. Could you maybe let your mum know that you don’t feel comfortable with all the things she talks about? Or suggest that she may benefit from getting advice from someone with a little more experience? That way you are still being there for her but you are making sure that you are not her only outlet and that she is not offloading everything on to you. Working with those who live with depression can often be difficult. Symptoms that follow depression often include agitation which can make communication difficult, but there is never an excuse for what you say or how you act. Mental illness is not an excuse, it’s only an explanation. You can always talk to her if you feel she is acting inappropriately and say “maybe we can pick this up in a minute after a little space?”.

Failing at life is a very common fear, I don’t think it’s possible to fail at life. I think people are constantly learning new skills every day that they did not have the day before, you cannot fail at life. You are human, you are breathing and that in itself is an amazing thing! You are life. Try tell yourself everyday how wonderful you are, and that you are doing an amazing job. It may be hard at first, but I find it’s so motivating to me when I get up in the morning.

Everyone is good at different things, things that others may be great at may not be your forte and that’s okay! Part of life is figuring out the things that you are good at, and things that you enjoy doing. Intelligence cannot be measured on one scale, everyone works a different way you just have to identify what works best for you. If you are struggling in certain classes you could also see if there is option for tuition and talk with your teachers if someone is able to offer you extra time to help you understand things that you find difficult. The one I could never get my head around was chemistry, I spent half my lunch times working in classes to try get there but I decided it was not my thing and I went on to healthcare instead. Everyone has their good and bad and being in a competitive environment is hard but try your best to just focus on yourself and what you are doing, as opposed to those around you. This is your life love, live it the best you can!

If you are noticing an increase in these dark thoughts you may also benefit from getting some extra supports. Talking with your GP to make sure that there is nothing medical that causes you to feel the way you do, and if there is something going on with your mental health what options are best to help you get through this. There is also a tonne of counselling services available if you feel more comfortable venting in that route, that way you can get professional advice on a regular basis and ensure not to bottle things up. It’s so incredibly important to let things out lovely!

You’re genuinely great!!

Links for you to look at:

Getting helpDepression informationHelplines if you’re feeling worriedReasons to stayMindfulness

You got this x

Much love,

Willow x

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nohr-and-thirst · 5 years ago

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A matchup, please ^^ I am a bisexual girl that most of the time has too much energy when I'm around people and really love physical contact like hugging, cuddling, ect, Unless I am having a bad day. I usually cover those up by saying I am 'tired' and am really sensitive on those, even going as far as having sensory overloads from loud noises or people in general, especially if I am being touched. Being touched by strangers is a huge no-go for all days but the VERY good ones, anyways (1/?) ~Chris

and I physically cringe and freeze up if someone brushes against me. I sometimes have violent panic attacks that end in me injuring myself by scratching, so someone who would be able to help with those would be wonderful! I'd prefer someone who doesn't yell in arguments or gets angry with me often, since that's my main source for panic attacks. I am very paranoid about people secretly hating me for whatever small reasons my brain decides to torture me with. Now, to the positive things! I have many hobbies, but my main ones are drawing and playing video games. Minor ones are sewing and writing (Mostly stories, but I do poems sometimes). I am a creative person, I'd say, but I don't always voice my ideas. I absolutely LOVE animals, except insects... those I hate. If someone were to play with my hair or do my hair, I would melt in their hands like a small kitten and I adore soft touches. Random facts that might help with matching (for whatever reason?): I cannot swim, authority figures make me overly anxious to be around if I don't know them personally, I cannot speak infront of large crowds, I get either overly cheerfull or emotional when I'm tipsy, all friends I regularly talk to are people I have instantly clicked with and first talking to them always involved mutual interests. I am not very good at guessing other people's emotions, but I am very understanding. I once had anger issues but have gotten those in check over the past few years. If someone hurts a person I care deeply about, I can get over my anxiety pretty quickly to tell them a piece of my mind. I love dressing up in either very cute clothes and dark clothes, my fav aes being pastel with black accents. However, I am better at a 'cool' style. I am rather tall (170 cm) and prefer by 10cm min shorter or taller ppl Woops, this has gotten very long, sorry! Gahh I forgot one tiny detail please forgive me! I often zone out for a few secs so im often confused as to what is going on, so my f/o should be okay with simple questions about whats going on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I have two characters I would match you up with Chirs! Louisa May Alcott Edogawa Ranpo!Louisa is a shy, sweet, intelligent character! She experiences social anxiety as we see how she interacts with the other characters in the series. Louisa will always be there to help you with your anxieties because she doesn’t like to see you get hurt, and she cares about you. She is always quick on her feet for you to make sure you are safe and happy! She is always there to reassure that people do not hate you, she always tries to be logically, but she knows from first-hand experiences that anxiety doesn’t care about logic. However, she is always trying her best to calm your anxieties, and she gives you advice she has gathered from books and research from professionals. She loves how you are creative, and always wants to hear what you have to say! She encourages you to say your ideas, and to always make sure everyone hears what you have to say! She loves your fashion sense, and will sometimes ask for your help on what she could wear. She might even suggest wearing matching color clothes sometimes cause she thinks it will be cute! Louisa would absolutely find how cute you are when it comes to your love animals! She would ask you what is your favorite and why. I am sure, without a shadow of a doubt, she would get you plushies of your favorite animals, always with a cute little note saying how it was almost as cute as you it reminded her of you that she had to get it for you! She is very understanding and if something confuses you, she will happily explain to you! She will do everything her power to make sure everything is crystal clear for you! She just wishes for you to be happy, and to know that she loves you so much. She wants to help you overcome your anxiety, and she wants to improve her anxieties so she can show you that anyone and everyone can improve! She always has your back, she is always there for you no matter where and what time. Need someone to talk to in midday? She is always happy to talk! Need to vent a little and get a pick me up at three in the morning? You bet she is going to be there for you! Ranpo presents himself to be quite childish, but this is because of something that had occurred with him in his past. Ranpo will be quick to pick up that you are not feeling like your normal self on bad days, and will make it his goal for the whole month to make sure that you do not have another bad day. Seeing you anxious, sad, upset, or anything negative breaks his heart. He cares about you, he wants to see you happy and enjoy life. He wants to see you for your goals and be there to back you up. He is going to be there on your good days, bad days, okay days, any day really. He wants to see you happy and wants to make sure you that you live the life you deserve. If you start having a panic attack, he will help you through some exercises to help you calm down. He won’t leave your side for the rest of the day to make sure you are okay. You are his top priority, he wants to make sure that you are well, both mentally and physically. If he finds a cat, you can bet he will bring it into the office to show you or he will take pictures of the cat, some pictures will have him in it for sure. I feel like Ranpo will sometimes come up to you and just try place his hat on top of your head! He will for sure try and get you a few hats like his that go with your style. Ranpo will only be okay with sharing his sweets with you and might even try and pick up baking to try and surprise you with some homemade sweets! Just like Louisa, Ranpo is always happy to try and explain things for you. He doesn’t mind explaining to you about what happens when you dozed off. Also, I feel like he would be the type of boyfriend to take cute pictures of you when your smiling, and have it as your wallpaper, of course only if you are okay with this!

#hope you like you matches~!#louisa may alcott #edogawa ranpo #ranpo edogawa #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #match up #match ups #matchup #matchups #mor answers #chris courageous tag #this reminds me of a queue...#admirable anon #Anonymous

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 6 years ago

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Hey I saw your ships are open again. I wanted to ask I f you could make me one for Queen and the boharp cast? I am 5’0 black curly locks that go to my mid back, green eyes pale skin and I have lots of earrings and piercings in my ear. I love to play the guitar, singing, listening to music and watching tv shows and movies. I am quite the sassy person, also sarcastic at times but I am also a very good listener and I love to smile and just goof around. Well yeah that’s it I suppose.

Hello!!! Hi sorry this took so long but im HERE NOW gosh i had so many requests before this and i already knew who i wanted to ship you with from the moment I saw this ahhhh

Anyways here goes (it’s all below the cut hehe i dont wanna clog anyones dash)

For BoRhap, I 100% ship you with Joe Mazzello!

Joe is the perfect match for you, just because he can keep up with your wit and humor so well! He loves how sassy and sarcastic you are, and his energy fuels your sharp tongue and goofy sense of humor.

He loves goofing off more than anything (see above gif), so he’s always trying to embarrass you in public, but you just end up outdoing him anyways.

“Hey, babe, look!” he’d yell almost tauntingly, daring you to look up at him from your phone as you tried to post your picture with Lucy. When you’d look up, he’d be break-dancing rather terribly to the music playing, Ben cheering him on and recording it while simultaneously trying to not die from laughter.

But you wouldn’t be embarrassed - in fact, you’d go in and show him up, stepping between him and Ben’s phone so that you were the main focus instead. He’d try to have a dance battle with you, but would quickly give up once he realized that you were a superior dancer/master at silliness.

Ben’s video would end with Joe picking you up, pretending to be mad and storming off with you as you squealed and laughed in his arms, begging Lucy or Ben, or really anyone to help you.

Speaking of helping, you love helping him catch up on TV shows and movies once he’s been away for a while. Filming takes up a lot of his life once he’s got a job, so he misses out on a lot of good movies and shows when he’s away, which prompted you to start keeping lists of everything he needs to watch once he returns from whatever he’s working on.

He loves this. A lot.

What else does he love? You in baseball caps. Whether or not you like baseball, Joe is a big baseball guy, so seeing you in a baseball cap, seated next to him in Yankee or Dodger Stadium? That’s heaven to him.

He sneaks cute little pictures of you during the game, too. A lot of them. He won’t stop until you’re grinning and trying to take his phone, and even then, he’ll sneak a few more.

They’re his favorite pictures of you - but he doesn’t post them on social media, preferring to keep them for himself. While Joe Mazzello is no stranger to social media, he feels oddly protective about his pictures of you. He instead saves them for himself, then looks back on them all the time when he’s been away from you for a while.

While we’re on the topic of being away for a while, Joe also has a tendency to ask you for videos of you singing/playing the guitar when he’s been away. Your favorite time was when he was working on BoRhap.

“Just one!” he’d begged, his voice pleading with you over the phone to send him a video of you playing a song, any song. He didn’t even care if it was Wonderwall, or some other overplayed song. “I just want to hear your voice, babe.”

“You are hearing my voice, right now,” you’d giggle, and Joe would groan melodramatically at your cheeky way of turning it around on him. “Alright, alright, give me a minute,” you’d finally assented, Joe cheering on the other side of the phone as you grinned, shaking your head.

Once you’d sent the video, it was a moment before you’d heard back from him, but he also sent a video in response. Clicking on it, you were immediately greeted with the loud sound of him practically yelling in excitement, his face taking up the screen as he situated the phone in his hand so it was easier to hold.

“You’re a natural!” he’d yelled, and then he’d received a small flick on the ear from an unknown person, who turned out to be Ben once you’d heard his voice admonishing Joe for being so loud while they were filming.

The camera had then turned to Ben, who’d waved and blew a kiss once he realized he was being recorded.

Joe quickly took the phone back, focusing it on his face again with a faux stern look. “Don’t catch that kiss, babe. Let it fly. Okay, wait, catch this one. I love you. Bye!” He’d then blown you a kiss himself, and the video cut off as you’d seen Ben’s hand come into the frame, grabbing the ‘kiss’ and laughing as Joe yelled in protest.

When it comes to looks, Joe is absolutely obsessed with you. The first time he’d went on a date with you, he’d accidentally admitted that he first noticed you because of your hair and eyes.

“It was just so striking, I had to get to know you,” he’d said, almost blushing as he recalled the first time he’d met you. You were both at a mutual friend’s party in NYC, and he’d actually gone above and beyond to come talk to you - meaning he nearly tripped over a rug on his way over.

But he thought you hadn’t noticed, so he wouldn’t tell you that, and you’d never admit that you actually had seen his stumble. You thought his clumsiness was endearing, and it’s the reason you’d entertained his attention in the first place.

“What do you mean by that?” you’d asked, hiding your pleased smile behind your glass of wine as you watched him over the rim.

“I mean, look at you,” he chuckled, gesturing to you and smiling widely. His eyes, which were always so animated, looked positively enchanted as he looked over you for a second. “You’re beautiful, how could I not be blown away when I saw you? That curly black hair...“ he’d trailed off, dramatically clutching at his chest as he feigned breathlessness.

That had provoked a delighted giggle out of you, and he’d grinned goofily as he also took a drink of his wine, chuckling at himself.

And that’s how you spend most of your time together. Laughing, because nothing is better for the two of you than the feeling of making each other laugh.

Plus, Joe is damn funny, and so are you. Win-win.

For Queen, I ship you with.... drumroll please.... crickets.... Brian May!

My reasoning? Well, Brian is a bit more reserved than you, and it took him a minute to warm up to you in the beginning. Your sense of humor was a bit more advanced than his was, and he could hardly keep up with your banter, which got him flustered.

“Brian, can you help us out here a bit? You’ve been tuning Red for a fucking hour now, I think it’s good,” Roger had complained, you and him struggling to figure something out on one of the amps in the studio since John had stepped out.

Brian had shrugged, setting Red aside and joining you two in your pondering of what the hell was going wrong. Brian almost jumped when you spoke, it was so quiet between the three of you.

“She, Rog,” you’d chastised, giving Brian a knowing look. But Brian had no idea what the hell you were talking about, and he cocked his head to the side as he looked at you curiously. “It’s a she.”

“What’s a she?” Brian had asked, completely forgetting about what Roger had just said moments ago. “The amp?”

“No, silly, Red,” you’d laughed, making Brian blush lightly as he felt like an idiot once he remembered Red, sitting back on the couch. “I reckon Red is a she, just like boats are shes. I call my guitar a she. You’ve got to treat your women right, Rog.”

“Um, yeah,” Brian stuttered out, almost confused by what was taking place. He wasn’t quite on your level, but that was okay, because Roger wasn’t either.

“What are you on about?” Roger had asked, shaking his head and not really wanting an answer.

But he got one anyways.

“Oh, I guess you wouldn’t know about that, would you? Treating women with care?” you’d taunted. Brian snorted and covered his mouth as Roger had protested weakly, but from then on, Brian began to appreciate your quick comebacks and seemingly unending stream of jokes.

On the other hand, he really loves that you can sit back and listen to his rants when he needed to vent. Brian is an emotional type of man, but he’s not great at expressing his frustrations in the heat of the moment, which makes him even more frustrated with himself and leads to the bottling up of his feelings until his breaking point.

The night he’d realized he’d fancied you, he was at one of those breaking points. You were both hanging around the van, the other boys still fooling around at the pub after the gig. Brian had left early, annoyed by a spat with Roger earlier that hadn’t been resolved due to poor communication. You were already on the van, sleeping in the backseat up against the opposite window when he’d climbed in.

“Oh, sorry, love, did I wake you? Shit,” he’d muttered, sitting seat across the row of seats from you when you sat up halfway to rub your eyes, still drowsy and bleary with sleep. It was awkwardly cramped in the back, and his knees were almost up to his chest as he sat there, not sure how to position himself. You remained draped across the seat, your feet resting just next to his side

“No, no, it’s alright,” you’d murmured, stretching before looking over at him and finding that he looked a bit annoyed. “You alright?” you’d asked, turning on your side and patting the seat in front of you, offering a more comfortable spot for him.

He’d obliged, laying down in front of you and letting you be the big spoon as he sighed. “I’m just pissed off, Roger doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say half of the time...”

And from there, he’d ranted for at least an hour, barely pausing to hear your input before going on. You’d listened the entire time, nodding and playing with his hair as you did so. And when he’d run out of words to say, he finally noticed that you were braiding his hair, still attentively waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry if I bored you,” he’d almost cringed, biting his lip as he turned on his side so he was looking up at you. You laughed softly, readjusting so that you were comfortable laying on your side next to him, and you’d dropped the braid as you’d propped your head up on your hand.

“Well, you want to know what I think?” you’d asked, Brian nodding quickly and staring up at you as you started in with your advice for him.

The entire time you’d spoke, he’d been staring at different things, admiring you.

He admired the way your green eyes flitted around the van as you spoke, as if you were looking for the right words to say, then plucking them out of the air in that small, cramped van and putting them to use.

Also, he admired the glint of the moonlight on your piercings. Although he wasn’t a big piercing man himself, he loved them on you. In that moment, he’d realized that they only added to your beauty, which was already very present.

He’d taken a small strand of your hair in his hand as you spoke, admiring the way your skin contrasted so greatly with your hair, and he also appreciated that he wasn’t the only person having to deal with curly hair.

Once you were done speaking, he’d smiled toothily. “You know, for someone who’s always got something sarcastic on the tip of their tongue, you sure do give good advice.”

You’d smiled at that, and that smile was what had gotten him, hook, line, and sinker.

“Hey, no making out in the van unless it’s me!” Roger had yelled suddenly, throwing open the door as he crawled in, making his way on top of you two, and you’d both laughed loudly as a drunk Roger shoved his way between the two of you, making Brian nearly fall to the floor.

What a shit.

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kal-skyte · 2 years ago

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universal healthcare is not the end all and be all for trans healthcare. i live in a country with universal healthcare, and while there are many complexities with it at this time to explain that i just cant in a post like this, i can tell you that the service for trans people, both under 17s and adults, has never been great. and i can explain why it is like that in a post like this.

i live in the united kingdom, england specifically, so im not sure how it translates to the welsh, scottish and northern irish branches, if its better or worse. i will be talking on the under 17s service as thats where my experiences from.

1) wait times

an infamous problem and indeed one of the main problems. i was referred to gids (gender identity development service) when i was 12 in august of 2019. i still havent been offered a first appointment at 15 in july of 2022, nearly 4 years later. this isnt an issue that hasnt been aknowledged, on their website for the latest figures (late april 2022), it says that the average number of days their patients was 1088 days, i have been waiting between 1030-1070 days, so my time should be close shouldnt it??

its not, it also says that theyre still seeing people from 2018 and as i was referred in mid 2019, i shouldnt be seen for awhile.

there are multiple reasons for this much backlog like that they get more referrals in a month than there are days in a month, using the same figures from late april of this year says that in that month they received 190 referrals and only offered 15 first appointments in that same month. another reason was covid, which obviously slowed everything, not just the gender services.

2) government and law

the nhs as a whole is subject to underfunding. one of the biggest criticisms i personally have of our healthcare system is that, while its publicly funded through taxes, the public dont get to decide where in healthcare that goes, so when you have a government that flat-out refused to ban conversion therapy for trans people specifically despite doing so for lgb people; and they get to decide where healthcare funding goes, you can very VERY comfortably bet that its not going towards the gender services. largely because the people in charge right now, the conservatives, arent anybodies friend, least of all trans people. so much so that the uk has fallen out of the 10 most lgbt friendly countries in europe, coming in at 14th. so progressive.

underfunding is also a big reason why the wait times and assessment periods are so long. another one is lawsuits.

this is in reference to mainly the keira bell lawsuit, an ftmtf detransitioner who sued the nhs gender services which halted everything for atleast a couple weeks too and keira won at first meaning that the nhs couldnt give puberty blockers to under 16s, but it was later overturned when the nhs appealed.

the nhs right now is being attempted to be privatised, previous sectors have successfully, like dentistry. i desperately feel the need to go private for my trans healthcare because im not getting any but i cant because i cant afford it, if it was made cosmetic, that would give clinics free range to charge whatever they want for their services and i REALLY cant afford that. the adult service isnt much better from what ive heard too.

please dont consider universal healthcare to be a trans persons friend. it barely even thinks of trans people. it would work with the perfect government, but this definitely isnt an example of that.

sorry if this post is messy, its half a kinda vent of my frustrations and just being able to say them really, when i try to with people in my personal life i guess they hear my voice as aggressive and think im arguing.

dont get me wrong, i love that i live in a country with universal healthcare, several members of my family would be dead or permanently physically changed without it, but it has a long way to go in terms of trans-specific healthcare

tldr ig; dont expect universal healthcare to solve the problem of demedicalisation, because its not great even without that problem.

Stating that universal healthcare would solve the issue of needing insurance to transition is simplifying things to a dangerous degree.

We want to keep transitioning medication and surgeries medicalized because if they are not medical, then they are cosmetic. Cosmetic surgeries are not covered by universal healthcare.

I am not here to argue if we should or should not go with universal healthcare. However, assuming that things suddenly won't need to be medical just because there is universal healthcare is incorrect. It is surprising to me how little research some people do before saying things like that.

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hazuukashi · 7 years ago

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I’m gonna go ahead and answer this here, because apparently posting an askbox reply with 18,000 characters in it breaks Tumblr and doesn’t let me post my response to the anon...

Mmm... I figured this did deserve an answer regardless who it was sent by, so I’ll at least give you that. Under the cut if you please~

I guess the first thing I’ll point out is there’s no need for an excuse as to ‘why I’ve disappeared for a week’. It really shouldn’t matter what I’ve been doin’ with my time, don’tcha think? But, actually. I haven’t gone far. I have been on Junpei and here, especially in IMs just like I’ve always been. Pretty sure people could vouch for that anyway.

Actually, I’ve been addicted to a couple new games, one of which I briefly posted about a couple days ago called Onmyoji. Not that it’s important to explain what game I’ve been playing, but eh, might as well have transparency when possible yeah?

That aside, and addressing the, I suppose you could say, meat of your anon here, truth be told, I haven’t actually read the entire thing so I don’t really know what entirely was said. I’ll try my best to address it though.

I do know there’s quite a bit of lying going on in what people have come to me about and it’s really interesting to see what people are thinking about the whole thing. I know I’ve been asked if I really spam people with ‘30+ messages’ which, my answer is no. It’s never been that much. I do type a lot and have a bunch of messages. Sometimes I say hi to people I genuinely like once a day because that’s the type of person I am! That’s not something that I personally find problematic, but maybe others found it as such. Actually, I’m fairly certain a part of this whole thing is because of that. It’s not that I don’t necessarily understand, but rather that I talk a lot, I’m very social and messages DON’T bother me. If I send one, it’s not that I’m expecting a reply right away but rather if you see it, reply to it. The only ones that I’ll send often are ones where I’m like good morning good afternoon night etc. It’s polite for me to do so, and I have genuinely no problems myself. I think a large part of that though then becomes ‘well you should know that people don’t want to talk to you so often’, to which I’d argue that... Y’know, I’m not expecting them to IMMEDIATELY talk to me. I message them because I like them? I wanna know about their day? Invasive? Perhaps to some, on a case by case basis but I wouldn’t say shit to others that I wouldn’t want said to me. Like, I have genuinely no issues with someone messaging me frequently and if I’m busy I’ll tell ‘em that I’ll reply in a little. It’s absolutely a difference of comfort zones and I get that. I’d apologize in that regard if people feel like they’re pressured to talk to me or if I talk too much? Of course I understand the sentiment. I’m not exactly great with respecting the BOUNDARY of some people if they’re purposely ignoring me for example though. I’ll still say yo or whatever and I don’t expect a message back until they outright say stop.

I’ve also been told, and this was a funny thing from a previous incident involving privatulo and friends that I ‘blog stalk’ and like to ‘stalk IPs’. Wellllll yes and no. See, I don’t stalk blogs. I’m frankly not even sure what that’s supposed to mean. I am aware of people who post about me though, and I’ll openly admit it’s usually because a friend tells me something and I ask them who it is so I can look for myself. If that’s a crime, then I apologize. As to the IP stalking, well, actually yes. I do do that. I’ve never exactly hidden the fact that I have an IP tracker on my blogs. Statcounter to be precise. And I’m well aware that many blogs also have statcounter so I’m not entirely sure why having it up alone on my blog is problematic. What I actually use my statcounter for is to track who sends anons and who visits my blog from outside links. For example, if you link my blog in a google doc and click on that link, I’ll know you went from a google doc to my blog. Same with Discord. I won’t know your identity, and honestly, nor do I really care about it in most circumstances. Where the ‘stalking’ comes in is when, for example, a certain individual thinks they’re sneaky and sends anon hate but forgets that they’re a partner of mine. There was a recent incident with a certain ex-friend of mine in the same group of people as above that got caught sending anon hate to me. How did I find out? They visited my ask link to my blog, statcounter caught the location of their IP and told me that they were in fact a partner of mine (as one of their visits was from their own /followers link that only THEY could access while on their blog when clicking their followers for example). It’s not exactly stalking, moreso putting two and two together. They of course admitted to it and that was that.

As far as this situation with a certain other mun that has actually been extremely aggressive towards myself, I’m not apologetic and won’t be. I’ve made it very clear that I’m not gonna get along with ‘the minor’ that people keep saying I ‘abused’, aside from the one that got caught for sending anon hate. I’ll go ahead and say that this particular individual (not the anon hate one) and I have had multiple discussions and I did apologize that they had to find out that Miles and I vented to each other about their behavior. But honestly? I’m not apologetic for saying what I felt at the time. Not only were they trashing the way that a certain group was run, they were cocky, full of themselves, and beyond aggressive. And even after this post came out, they eventually proceeded to actually tag me in a post, which I liked not as a sign of hostility but rather that I’ve read it since I was tagged. This individual claimed they were ‘the best DR oc’ in the community, continued to trash on a group and salted for not being allowed in, and when I said it was disgusting behavior to Miles, that was leaked as an act of hostility and spite. And not only that, but I didn’t even know that was happening until the user rushed into my IMs going “YOU! YOU��RE GOING TO EXPLAIN TO ME RIGHT NOW” etc. etc. on a blog where I didn’t even know it was them. Yeah... Honestly, I don’t exactly feel apologetic enough on this one. Hate me if you want, but I genuinely don’t think my feelings were out of line here. Like I’m sorry you had to be exposed to private salt, sure. That was never going to be spread to a ton of different people. And I was also alerted to the fact that they had drawn NSFW art, by three different people, Miles included had said this. And I’m thinking, well lemme see. Sure enough, there was enough NSFW images that made me go: Well this is interesting and not okay considering I had been told they were around 16-17 of age and not of the local legal age to do so. However, the funny part is, it wasn’t actually me that spread it around. There were maybe two people (I’m thinking actually one) that wasn’t in the group when it was mentioned. Did I spread shit about this user? Mmm, no. You wanna know why? Because the group that it was talked about in all saw it thanks to a certain person that’s been called out as well. I’m sure some people remember Jael. They showed us, about all TWENTY or so of us I might add, the screenshots in the private Discord group showing their salty behavior and the potential NSFW drawings were discussed later. So let’s get the facts straight there at least. I’m not going to say I like the user, and I do think they did things wrong. I’m sorry that word got out there as much as it did, as they have claimed in a few posts I’ve seen, but otherwise... I’m genuinely not sorry for saying that I felt like the claims that they drew NSFW art in general as a minor and acted the way they did was considered by myself as ‘toxic’ behavior, because... Well..? I think that’s completely fair to say it was by the group’s standards.

I think that’s mostly what I have to address from what I’ve been talked to about. I will say a few more things though. The first is this: The concept of me ‘using people for information’ isn’t new. These rumors started ever since the Sonny drama from long ago. Those are largely true. I did indeed use Sonny and a couple others (I’m not name dropping them this time) for information, and I did indeed once say, and I quote: “I’m not here to make friends as a primary objective”. Which, in fact, I wasn’t. This was my stance pre-summer last year, but of course things have indeed changed to the point where I would say it’s now the reverse, and some people don’t seem to understand that. I do actually like making friends on here, and that’s one of my main objectives. To address the anon, I’ve... Literally been in IMs talking to people more than posting because I genuinely like talking to people here and on Discord. I love it! As a friend of certain people, I absolutely believe that if someone that I’m NOT friends with is talking shit about a friend of mine, I’m going to tell them. Maybe that’s a bad attitude to have, but I have went to bat on numerous occasions for not only individuals that I love and cherish on here and have really formed bonds with them on an OOC level, but also for groups of people that have been attacked as a collective, and yeah, of course nobody’s asked me to do this, but I want to. I feel like it’s necessary for me to see the truth of the matter.

In regards to this issue, I haven’t spoken about one specific thing: Two of the people involved. I’m actually quite well aware of their feelings as I’ve stated. They’ve made it very clear. One thing I will point out is that a message was indeed sent to them in an attempt for them to read a document that contained the feelings of a few people (not many mind you, but more than just me I’ll admit) both in IM and in their ask box OFF anon. Supposedly this wasn’t sent to them, although Tumblr had indeed told me it was. I don’t think I was blocked, at least Tumblr didn’t say I was, but perhaps I was? Or Tumblr fucked up again. Of course the link still exists with its original creation date too as further proof that this was the intended route.

In regards to my post on Junpei, no, it wasn’t actually a callout. The purpose, albeit misunderstood understandably so, was rather because I had received a few asks and IMs and even a couple discord messages going ‘what is going on Dustin’. My logic was as such: If things are being spread to others that I haven’t ever talked to before about the issue, how was it being spread? Well, I’m not even sure about the answer to this day, though I have my guesses, and honestly, the post was a last resort dumping of ‘this is what’s happening if you want an answer’.

And this is where I’d say yeah, I absolutely fucked up. There’s quite a few things that happened here. Of course people assumed it was a callout. The way it was written was attacking King, at least in tone, and there technically wasn’t a need to ever make anything public, and although it had been believed that the google document had ‘gone ignored and they continued to spread the drama privately through IMs’ and Tumblr, I presume, fucked up the chances of resolving it privately easily, the end result was rushed and made public unnecessarily. I’ll absolutely apologize for that. I’m not apologizing for the feelings from myself in the post, as that was absolutely a factor. They were proven to have talked to others all under the assumption that I ‘was immediately going to write a public callout’, which... Yeah, I mean I’ve done three times before on this blog... It’s completely reasonable to think that especially from what was said to Anna? But nah, that was never going to be the situation. Involving others into the public post for any reason (again, not naming names, but they know who they are considering they were removed from the post upon request because it wasn’t ever saying they were a bad person but simply addressing an issue they had with being put in my rules) is problematic and I did issue an apology, and an offer to at least say so privately to them which I believe they respectfully and understandably declined.

Back to the anon, have I ignored the callout? For the most part, I would say so. Whatever’s on there is truly what people feel and that’s acceptable for them to think that. Have I done things wrong? Hm. I believe so, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say maltreatment with intent, at least not lately. There’s one individual that I believe you’re referring to in particular to the ‘maltreatment’ at the very least, to which I’ll say, honestly? No. I didn’t. Having a panic attack at work and telling them that I’m not going to talk to them while they’re at work was an act of caring, despite others perhaps not thinking so. I know if I was at work, I would be fired for being on my phone for any amount of time, and stressing about it in the moment or having an argument that could be lengthy isn’t the way to go. I would rather talk about it AFTER work ended, and at least I thought that would be a reasonable solution to the issue until they could spend some time talking to me. Using their screenshots perhaps wasn’t the way to go about it in the end, but there’s much more that needs to be considered here. I’d like to point out that this individual was absolutely all for talking it over with King from the get-go, even explaining that they’d want me to bring them into investigation work more often since we were ‘both justice arcana’ supposedly. The issue I presented to them was that this issue couldn’t be talked about publicly NOR privately without King knowing that they had told me they had said these things in reference to me since... I mean... It’s really not hard to keep track of who you say what to. If I told someone a very specific sentence, it wouldn’t be hard to look into my IMs and find out who I told it to and figure out their identity... I told them that King would probably not like that and MOST likely hate them for sharing their conversation. There’s no maltreatment here. Perhaps not understanding their sense of comfort etc. though. I mean, the only time they had mentioned not wanting to be involved, they outright said so and I told them the following: If it’s discussed about, chances are he would still know, but regardless, I would try my best not to involve them and honestly? I told them numerous times that they didn’t have to do anything and it was fine. Because it was. It’s blunt but they genuinely didn’t have to do anything. They made their point clear. The only time their screenshots were eventually used was when they themselves blocked me, told King that they had talked about them to me and ‘possibly made it worse for King’ and called it quits. At that point, yeah, I have no allegiances to them and I was going to use their screenshots since they already just told King that shit happened? Actually, the callout in question here ended up being the private document that I already explained before.

With that outta the way, do I intend to ‘apologize’? Well, I mean yeah. Despite what’s been said, I do think of myself as MOSTLY reasonable, with the exception of when people attack me or my friends. I’ve always said I’m never the first to do anything but if you attack me or come for me I will bite back, and I think that’s a fair, albeit aggressive motto to live by here. I’ve already been reasonable and mentioned that one person’s mention in my Junpei post wasn’t hostile towards them but addressing a complaint they had. They’re... Genuinely not a bad person? And I told a friend of theirs to tell them that. I’m not sure what exactly was relayed, but I held up my end of the request by removing their name and paragraph and changing the tags appropriately to better match the intent of the post. I offered to say anything they wanted me to in regards to my intentions, addressing concerns and apologizing for things if there’s things that need apologizing for. In my opinion, there are, of course. And some have been highlighted in this post. Some mistakes were made, some information was misconstrued both on my end and others’, but I can apologize for some of the information on my side and actions that came from it. I genuinely don’t have ill will towards most people on this matter, because I mean... When you think about it, I had even told two different people involved that this was a private issue at first. A ‘callout’ is used for those that are insanely toxic, think, y’know, suicide baiting, extreme racism, se.xualization of minors etc. etc. This mainly spawned from talking behind backs, namedropping privately and a difference of opinion, at least my first actions and words were. That’s not exactly callout material; Trust me, I’d know. So no, I don’t think I have ill will towards anybody really that was involved, and of course I’ll gladly talk to people that want to know more; even those individuals involved. I’m not gonna sit around and pray or force myself to talk to them and ‘try to be one big happy family’ or whatever, but anybody that knows me decently knows that I’m usually pretty big on bluntness and transparency. Anything about my intentions, feelings, thoughts, actions, whatever. Yeah, I’ll gladly mention ‘em to whoever wants to know if they’re involved. Hell, they can bring a mediator if they want to or have a group of friends with them in a private chat; It’s their right and it’s fair so why not, yeah?

Now THAT’S about everything I’d hafta say on the matter in regards to the anon. TL;DR: Sure, whoever wants more information or an apology if warranted, yeah, I’m reasonable enough to talk it out and accept whatever the end result is? I don’t exactly ‘hide’ from things like this anyway.

#[sub-mission: answered]#anon #drama tw #long post #ask to tag

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ts-valledelaluna · 4 years ago

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F4 Rites of Passage

Hit Play on this before you start reading to hit the vibe!

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CZERN - You were a victim of overplaying too early. I liked you as a person, but you made too many "deals"

JUDE- You were gone too soon. I was really hoping that you would make merge and we would reunite, because I wanted to work with you. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

CONNER - Victim of my idiocy #1. For some reason, we were pegged as a duo. I thought you were cool, but I guess everyone else thought I'd be easier to manipulate.

GEVONTE - I feel so bad that you had to go so early. When I saw you on the cast, I was ecstatic, because I had just been eliminated in 703 Challenge and couldn't work with you. I wish I hadn't voted you out.

GIZMO - I'm so sorry you had the unfortune of losing your vote. I can't blame your tribe for voting out a voteless person, but I wish it hadn't been you.

NEIL - From my experience talking to you on OG Coyo, I thought you were really cool. I wish we could have worked together.

KEEGAN - My blood pact. In the game of cat and mouse, the cat should theoretically always win. I was the mouse, and somehow I won. I wish I had tried harder to work with you though, it would have saved me a lot of trouble.

RIZO - I wish I had been able to talk to you more. I know from experience that first merge boot is absolutely the worst, I'm so sorry that you had the misfortune of receiving it.

NATHAN - I don't know if you felt the same way, but I considered you my ride or die until you left. You had me as a Guardian Angel in a way, and I'm glad I was able to at least try to help you. If I had known that you were getting the majority of the votes, I would have tried to save you. It hurt so bad to have to badmouth you after you were gone so I could fit in.

LEXI - I know I've basically said this to half the cast, but I wish we could have worked together. Maybe we can if we play another game together! Like Gevonte, I was really happy to see you on the cast. I think we really could have worked together if I hadn't wanted Keegan out so bad. That was just one of my mistakes I guess.

NICK - Victim of my idiocy #2. I don't know if this is what you want to hear, but you know what? You fucking told me so. It WASN'T the right time to get you out. Yet, here I am, not campaigning enough to save you, because I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry, I hope you aren't too mad.

CHRISTIAN - Victim of my idiocy #3. I wish I had warned you that you were getting votes. I wish I hadn't voted wrong. I'm just not very smart. You are a really kind person, and I'm glad that I was able to meet someone like you.

JOEY - I'm so glad I got to play this game with you. We never really got to work together but you let me vent to you when I had one of the worst days ever. Before I met you, I didn't think I'd like you at all because of how you'd been described. But you defied my expectations so much. Thank you for playing this game, I really really really mean that.

AMY - Victim of my idiocy #4. You are one of the sweetest people I've ever had the fortune of playing with. I just can't believe you're gone. It's all my fault, I'm so stupid. I hope you and the rest of the jury can forgive me. I wish I was in jury instead.

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MICHAEL- UGH DUDEEEEE. You know I loVE you as a person and whenever we can get the chance to play together I try to work with you at least for a bit, but apperantly this time you talked to no one the whole time so you became the easy boot. I wasnt happy to see that when i woke up but also wasnt dissapointed.

CZERN: My blood pact. You rarley talked to me but i heard why you left, and WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO MESSYYYYYY, promising EVERYONE you werent gonna vote them is a god damn death sentence. GGWP praying for your best in the future.

TOMMY: Back to your ways.Not talking much, only talking about yourself, and talking game day 1. Your days were very much numbered from the start, this from my end was expected,

JUDE: JUDE UGH. I REALLY wanted to work with you at least for a little bit but you were completely unaware of the situation you were getting put into. I have always liked you as a person and this will not change here. It was unfortunate how this game played out but ignorance is bilss sometimes.

CONNER: Yeah you got what you deserved. Compete next time XOXO

GEVONTE: Absolute mess once again. Not alot to say here.

GIZMO: This was wasn't fun. Giz i went to you IMMEDATLEY talking about the ability to have something going early, and you told me about your no vote. 5 days later,,,you went wild. Making deals with everyone, spreading information, you were too messy for you own good. So when i woke up, i told you what was gonna happen and you used that as a tool to try and get me out, intentionally or not, and that was the nail in the coffin, Good game to you but UGH that was a round.

NEIL: Neil you are a really good strategist, but unaware of the social ability fully. I enjoyed talking to you but you said too much to hurt yourself, like how you watched every season of survivor. Without knowing you and that being one of the first things you say, i kept track. And you led several votes, and then eventually i was able to write your name down right before the official merge. It was a time and a half and you played hard, but thats what ended your game.

KEEGAN: Okay did I expect this? Not really. Knowing you and Lexi were tight i actually wanted to work with you at least a little bit, plus Rachael liked you so you couldnt be THAT BAD right? Bas circumstance took you out and i was saddened by it, but a child was looking for revenge.

RIZO:#BLINDSIDE, but not by me. Last i knew the newbs had conversation about who they could take out, and then i passed out with my vote on Nick, next thing i knew your game was over in a 8-4-2. You and I were TIGHT, we had called that were just personal and we had good game talk too, you were someone i really wanted to go far with in this game and i was HEARTBROKEN to see you go, but luckily for us... NATHAN: ...your main perpetrator goes next. And HOW SWEET IT WAS. A genuine #Blindside with him feeling comfortable and it not matter in the end. If it makes you feel better, I think im the only one in the 4 who actually voted you out. It was OH SO NICE to watch you go after the game i witnessed you play,,,it was nice to have your #1 in my ear though ;)

LEXI: This was the hardest vote I made all game, situation and all. I really enjoyed the conversation we had, it was really genuine and alot of good came out of it. I also wanted to work with you for a long time, and when Keegan left i thought i could do it, but unfortunately you had wanted to go on a revenge tour, and i couldnt let that go through fully. It hurt like hell and it hurt even worse when you gave me your red charm...knowing what I did was showing just what occurred...and what was to come...

NICK: what was to come...was ultimate betrayal. Nick if you dont get most robbed Juror i would be shocked. You had a REALLY good relay of information game, making everyone feel like they were close to you was a god damn good play for you. And you wanted a Final Three with amy myself and you, it was smart on your end, a lock for a win. But that was not gonna work for me and you knowing the position you had in this game I knew when we couldnt get the duo, they would be forced to look into your sights. I expect you to be bitter towards me and I wouldnt blame you.

CHRISTIAN: PLAYING WITH YOU MADE ME WANT TO DRIVE SPOONS INTO MY EYES. Your targeted at premerge was Jules, then me for like 40 minutes, then Jules again. WHY WAS JULES YOUR TARGET? You were so deadset on this happening but you didnt have the social standing for it as when you heard your name once you lost it. You were a paranoid player and having to figure out when/how to see you go was a headache in itself, and if what you said as you left was true, you having an idol was not in the plans. Good game, you are a good man and I meant when i said i liked you as a person and wanted to work with you….but DEAR GATO PLEASE BREATHE. (ironic from me if you remember the nick vote)

JOEY: The crackhead himself! Jeezus you were a damn mess too, how did you and Gato become the last pact? I have no idea, but you definitely had yourself set up to win if you were able to see the end, but your game was transparent. Not to say mine isnt either, it very well could be, but your every move was always tracked by someone else. I do not think a single thing you said in this game was hidden, including your idol. You know its always respect with me towards you but you did yourself in from the start.

AMY: If there was one person to say I was not expecting to work with this game, it was you. A reserved player who never acted on the information they had. When i said you were more intelligent then you let on, I meant it. You had information, you HAD to of had information for your game. It makes no sense if you didnt. I think out of anyone in this game you have the most potential to do REALLY well in the future and I hope that you do get that chance. It was a pleasure to play with you and I will see you very soon I do believe.

Michael- I wish we were able to play this game longer together! Even though you got my vote in the first tribal, the time I could talk to you was super cool and I really enjoyed talking to you about puzzle games and such. I’m sorry the stars didn’t align for you to stay but that’s just how it played out.

Czern- One word: Robbed. I haven’t gotten to play with you in either of the games we’ve been cast for together, but I swear to you soon enough the ORG strategy is going to click and you’re going to go deep in one of these games. Hell, it happened to me this season! Keep being you and I wish you the best of luck in future ORGs.

Tommy- Another person I didn’t get to play with for too long. Just from what I saw you went into game mode really fast, and I respect the hustle. It just didn’t slide in this game, and after hearing about how close you were with Gevonte, I knew you had to go.

Jude- I never got to play with you in this game, but just from the cast reveal you seemed pretty interesting! I’m sorry cause I hear you lowkey got robbed by Neil/Joey but I guess that’s just how the ORG struggle goes.

Conner- Not going to lie, from first glance in the cast reveal you seemed like someone I wanted to work with, and it could’ve worked. However, I heard you threw my name out as soon as we hit the swap beach, so I had to do what I had to do. You were fun to talk to on the rare occasions we did, though.

Gizmo- MY KING! Oh my god, playing as your blood pact was so fun! I really did enjoy my conversations with you, and I was so sad I wasn’t able to play with you in this game. I heard you kinda went a bit off the walls the round you got booted, but I see you killing it in other ORGs right now. Keep it up!

Gevonte- A fellow member of the Phandom! My personal conversations with you were super super fun, and I loved just fucking around. We were never able to connect on a game level, and your interests were always contrary to mine. It sucks, but that’s how it played out.

Neil- For the couple of days I was able to talk to you and wasn’t caught up in my own game, I had a really nice time talking to you! You seemed like a really cool dude, and I loved seeing the art you commissioned and talking about video games! On a game level I heard you were playing a bit hard too fast but that tends to happen on first ORGs :) I’m sure you’ll kill it soon.

Keegan- Oh my god, my King! One of the nicest and coolest people I’ve met in the ORG community, I had a good time playing this game with you. However, we never really connected on a game level, and I knew I was nowhere near the top of your interests to keep around. I’d like to say I have a decent read on the game, and thinking what I was thinking I knew I couldn’t trust you in the game. Also, I kind of wanted to get back at you for MTH hehe. I’m having a blast in Forest of Horrors btw!

Rizo- Looking back, this boot probably hurt the most for me to do. I started to get extremely desperate to not be a merge boot, and in the process I accidentally gave a fellow merge booter that placement. You were probably my favorite person to talk to pre-swap, and I trusted you almost 100%, which I normally don’t do. Just chatting with you about whatever and then going into game mode was a ton of fun, but I knew for a fact you knew more than you were telling me. I saw you kill it in 1984, so you keep doing you King! Thank you so much for being a good sport about your boot, I really appreciate it.

Nathan- My ride or die during the swap phase of this game, Nathan, you played a hell of a game. I was able to use you as a shield for a little bit, and then unfortunately you were voted out earlier than I expected. I came into this game being told you were a horrible person and a bunch of shit, but I really did not see any of that inside of the game. Just talking to you about whatever was a ton of fun. You were one of the first people to actively attempt to go on call with me, which is a rare occurrence, and you put up a hell of a fight this season. I wish you were able to succeed in your guardian angel competition so we could continue to play the game together, but sadly that was not how it played out.

Lexi- My tribe mom! Along with the Rizo boot, this is one of the boots that hurt the most in the moment and in the long term. Talking to you during the swap was so much fun, and I really wanted to work with you for the entirety of the game. Unfortunately, you were too closely tied to Keegan, and I had to take that shot (I had a bigger part in that then I led on, but you probably knew that hehe). The day where your boot occurred was probably the saddest day I had this season, cause I knew you were going from that morning. It sucked because, after not talking for a few days, we were finally able to reconnect in this game but it was too late. I know things were going rough for you during the game, so I hope everything is going okay now! I can’t wait to talk to you again, and it was so fun to play with and against you in this game!

Nick- You told me that we needed to keep each other around to make it to the end of the game, but here I am! I talked to you a lot in this game, and was really pleased by you in this game, it is very clear you are a seasoned veteran! You were one of the only people that actively kept up talking to me for the entirety of the game, and didn’t just fizzle out. You said on several occasions you wanted to work with me, and then made alliances against my best interest and expected me to trust you. I knew what you were doing pretty much the entire time you were in merge, but it was a pleasure to play alongside you.

Christian- Ohh Christian. I wasn’t able to talk to you much on a personal level, but I did enjoy our conversations about Roblox and such. We were never able to find much to connect with other than Survivor and Roblox outfits and such, but I’m sure there were some connections beneath that. From what I heard, you were gunning for me from the start of the merge, which meant I had to take you out before you could get your shot at me. As a newbie, you played amazingly, and I still have no idea if you actually had an idol or not LMAO.

Joey- Joey you played a fucking chaotic game, I’ll say that much. I heard stories about how you wanted to go to rocks at final 6 to force the rock blocker, which like, what the fuck? You played like a crackhead, and it was one of the greatest things I’ve seen in awhile. You mentioned how people didn’t like your social game, but I didn’t really see it? In my opinion, you talked to me a good amount, so I really had no complaints. I think you had a genuine shot had you made it further into the game, and I hope you’re enjoying the 6th place chat (since you said it was really cool)!!! Thank you for taking the move so well at final 6, game respects game!!!

Amy- The most recent boot, you were very much an interesting one to play with. I really wish we had time to connect more on a social level, cause your life seems so fucking interesting and I wish I knew more about it. We had a sort of mutual respect in this game, and I always wanted to be on the same side of the votes as you, but it never really worked out (mostly because I decided to be a crackhead every single vote LMAO). I’m sorry you were a casualty in the last vote, but you were really the only option I could take a shot at at that point. I’m sorry I celebrated so hard btw, that was tasteless on my part. Good game!!!

#announcement #rites of passage

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saintkimora · 7 years ago

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well i finally found time to type this all up so! here is the story of how last last friday and saturday night went (not the ones from this weekend but the weekend before so like a week and a half ago). it isnt really a nice story but it is significant. first part is tristan then joel then tristan again, the tristan parts are good but the joel part is pretty bad. this is only part 1 btw! sorry @ that one anon a few days ago bc this might make you even more mad lmao

first part: tristan! so on friday i was in the library holding an online eboard meeting for gsa and tristan (the first guy i talked to for a while then hooked up with like 2 years ago and last christmas eve) was apparently studying in nexus which is the building next door to the library. and he sent me a snap (it was clearly the type you send to a lot of people it wasnt like an individual one) of him captioned i hate studying so i sent him one saying i hate planning events bc thats what i was doing. so we snapped back and forth for a while and then the library closed so i was leaving and he was like “come say hi to me in nexus” so i was like ok!

so i went and sat across the table from him and we talked for like an hour and a half and it was so nice! hes v good to talk to but our conversation dynamic was kinda similar to me and joel’s dynamic so that was interesting. he called me my voice cute at the beginning bc i was like “sorry if i sound weird im a little congested today” and he was like “no you sound like you always do, its cute” so i was like hm so then we talked and caught up and it was very good conversation! then at one point after asking how i was in general he was like “so how are you doing....romantically” and i told him how i was with someone rn but i was kinda having some issues and he was like oh ok and i asked him and he said hes looking but its hard bc people keep ghosting him so i was like aw :/ (but on the inside i was like well thats what you get for ghosting me all those years ago lmao)

also at one point i told him i go to the gym now so i have a little bit of muscle and he was like “yeah haha sure” and i was NOT about to take that so i was like “i can show you right now if you want” (i was wearing a tank and a zip up hoodie) so i took off one hoodie sleeve revealing my arm and i flexed and he was shook he was like “oh wow you werent kidding, thats actual progress” and i was like ha

after an hour and a half he had to go meet his friends or something so i went home. overall it was super nice! i loved talking to him so later that night i just sent him a nice text thanking him for spending time w me and saying how much i enjoyed it and then he thanked me for keeping him company and said he really enjoyed catching up so that was nice! then later that night things took a turn for the worst.....

so at this point it was friday night and joel and i were texting as usual, we were having a nice convo and were making jokes and what not. then after i asked about his day he texted me this “its fine but i just got another fucking email from slut A and im over it” and i was like “slut A......” and he was like “fucking tinamarie” (the girl who always causes trouble for his theatre club that gets him really pissed off even though it really isnt that serious) and i was like “yeah i figured but did you really need to call her that” and he was like “if youre literally gonna criticize every single word i say then im just gonna stop talking” so then i apologized like 3 times but he left me on read and didnt talk to me for the rest of the night

so! the second i read that final text i had like......a panic attack? or something? idk but it was a mess i got soooooooo cold instantly like i put on sweats socks a hoodie and 2 blankets and i was still trembling and my teeth were chattering so hard i couldnt even talk bc it just came out as gibberish and my toes were numb and my heart was beating fast and you know all that good stuff. i texted several hunties but none of them answered so i decided to text tristan! he was v nice and he comforted me and talked me through it which i appreciated. but like getting that text reminded me so much of the texts i would get from caleb so it just made all those feelings come rushing back and it was v overwhelming but i wasnt about to call joel about it bc he was already mad at me and i was scared i was gonna make it worse

about an hour later i sent him a long text saying how sorry i was bc he wanted to vent to me and i shut him down when i shouldve just taken his side and stuff bc i wanted to try to fix the situation. half of it was lies though like i was not sorry for what i did at all bc he should not be calling this tinamarie girl that! he didnt read that text until the next morning but even after he didnt respond. he was def still awake when i sent it though bc i saw him active on fb messenger slightly afterwards. anyways the next day tristan texted me again to check on me and see if i heard from joel which i hadnt by that point but i really appreciated that he went through the effort of doing that! joel and i had plans to go to the mall that day so i texted him around 4pm (this is saturday now) saying i hope his auditions went well and asking if he wouldve still liked to go to the mall w me. he said he wasnt feeling up for it bc hes tired and i was like not up for the mall or not up for me and he was like just the mall, you can come over instead. so i went over and brought him popeyes bc he was hungry and we hung out and watched dragula and talked and it was like a completely normal day so i was a little surprised he didnt bring up the events of last night. so like 3 eps into dragula s1 i asked him if he could pause it so we could talk so he did and this is where things got worse

so i was like “so....how are you feeling about what happened last night?” and he was like “well it was fucking annoying because i wanted to vent to you and you tried to school me, im already socially conscious, i know its wrong but it was the first thing that came to mind at the time” and i was like “well if you are mad at a woman and your first instinct is to call her that then that might be a problem” and he was like “can i be a fucking human?” like ???????????????? the STUPIDEST excuse like that makes no sense! you can be human without saying misogynistic things like.....annoying. he just had soooo many excuses he was like “oh its ok bc i would never actually say that to her face” like...ok great to know that being socially conscious is just a performative thing for you! if you only do it in public but are still problematic in private then like...whats the point

he was also like “it may seem like a small issue that isnt important to you but her emails are actually a huge problem. YOU wouldnt know since your organization isnt as involved, but her actions affect every area of the organization so its stressful to deal with her” like heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeee we go again idk why he always tries to drag my gsa for no reason. i didnt even say he couldnt be stressed or angry with her i just said he shouldnt call her what he did!

so now for when it got personal. so i told him i was like “i know you were mad and wanted to cool off so i wasnt gonna force you to talk to me, but it wouldve been nice if you just sent me a text like ‘oh perry im mad and dont wanna talk rn, i need some space ill talk to you later’ instead of just ignoring me for the rest of the night” and he was like “well i didnt have time i had too much going on with the organization” and i was like “i mean it takes 10 seconds to send a text” and he was like “well i didnt want to” OH so now the truth comes out! and then he was like “i was already stressed out with the email so then its like ‘oh now i have to deal with perry too’” and like..............that was really hurtful bc literally the main reason i rarely ever bring up any issues i have to him is bc hes already so stressed with everything else and i want to be a source of happiness in his life not another source of stress so im afraid to bring things up bc i dont want to add to his stress and be another thing that he has to “deal with” so like, he literally vocalized the exact reason im afraid to talk to him about these things so its just confirmed my suspicions and now i feel even worse about bringing up any issues i have with him

i didnt tell him about the panic attack yet but i did say “well i mean im sure you can tell i was upset, since i sent you a long ass apology text an hour after the convo ended. and if it was the other way around and i knew you were upset about something i said i wouldve dropped everything and called you right away to fix the issue” and he said.............. “well im not gonna prioritize you” like.... !!!!!!!!!!!!! ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great! we already knew i was at the bottom of his priority list but at least now he basically admitted it :/ i was just like well ok

that is the end of part 1 bc im splitting up this post lol

#personal

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hauntedharlequinn · 7 years ago

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heya guys, so-

first off, hi!

second off, i’m okay, i promise. this is probably the longest period of time ive fallen out of contact, and im sorry.

housefire stuff is still a hassle. i recently got a computer that was capable of drawing, so yay. we’re changing houses within the week, so ill probably shortly dip out of contact again. i wanted to get this out before we changed houses though, because there’s some talk that this next one isn’t gonna have internet connection. we should only be there for a few weeks, and then it’s back into the main house again, and everything should be RRRIGHT AS RAIN.

i have a decent amount of art i can post when i can next get to a scanner. at the moment, it looks like im not going to be able to get any of the data i had on my old computer back, so im back to square one on things like talksprites and refs.

sorry i vanished without saying a word. my family’s housefire threw my life into a tizzy more than i thought it would, and i needed some time to reconstitute myself. i was extremely exhausted for a bunch of different reasons, none of which are really anyone’s fault, and i guess i needed more time than i anticipated to cool off. so what started off as a couple days off turned into a week which turned into a month which turned into months and... yeah. i definitely should have said something to you all before i went MIA and im sorry i didn’t, that’s on me. i’ve missed you guys lots, though, and its honestly really relieving to come back on here.

more lengthy ramble about,, just, generally where i’ve been at below. y’all dont have to read it, but i feel like i need to share it so that people understand.

i’ve been trying to figure out what i think ive needed to say for a while now. it’s nothing bad, but it has a lot to do with me, and how able i am to participate in these things. i say “able” because, given my past record and from what i’ve come to understand about myself, is that there is something physically exhausting for me about coming on and doing the things i love to do, which causes me to withdraw for a bit. and even if i love it, and even if its what i enjoy more than anything else, i wind up having to remove myself from people for a while, and that’s really tiring to the people who try to get to know me.

without getting too personal, the past couple years have been especially hard for me - not only as a writer, but also as someone just trying to adjust and figure themselves out. after some pretty serious stuff happened that kinda already landed me on thin ice for a while, i tried use my writing as a coping mechanism but wasn’t able to meet the same standard that i used to, which made me feel worse. i guess when the housefire happened, and i was estranged from most of my art & progress and i felt like i had nothing to back myself up, that that thin ice finally gave way and i needed some time to fall apart for a bit.

i really want to continue working on everything ive helped build, i really, really do, but im starting to question whether i physically am able to. this isnt to say i want to sign off or quit roleplaying forever, or that im not attached to the people and connections ive made on here, but 7 months is a long long time to just. feel. completely unable to do anything, and undoubtedly lots has happened since i faded out. knowing this, i have to wonder if ill ever be at the same pace as everyone again, and if i should plan for that instead of leaving everyone hanging.

the thing is, i still love writing, and i still love roleplaying, and art, and the friends and plots ive made along the way. im a creator by nature, and i dont think i could ever stop working on my characters or my worlds if i tried. but ever since some messy stuff i would rather not get into, i feel like my writing ability (plus, my ability to connect and talk with others) has been stunted. and the nature of this lively, constantly evolving world demands that i not be stunted, that i be able to reply consistently and be available for questioning and for people to build their creativity upon. but i might not have it in me, which makes me a tease for the people who like my work and want to do things with me, plus frankly just.... hurts.

i dont really know where to go from here, because i feel like i have to participate to be happy, i crave this world and i crave it’s adventures and people within it, but i dont want to keep building things up and letting people down when i cannot follow through. i wish i could come out and make a definitive statement of, “I will be continuing this on X date!!” or “I will be abandoning this project and moving onto X!!”, for your guys’s sake, but, i just dont know.

i think i just needed some time to be hurt. and when i realized i was more hurt than i thought i was, ...thats when i had a hard time coming back.

all and all, im not dead. i probably will keep checking in, and i will keep writing and creating and adding onto the pile of fiction that this site has become for me. i dont want to make any promises about my activity until im sure i can make ones i can keep, and for that i’m sorry. i’ll probably start with profiles, maybe an ask or two to get the ball moving.

whatever happens, thank you guys. you’ve all been really supportive of me, and i really do love putting my work on here. my problem right now is clearly an internal one, because i’ve received a lot of external love and appreciation on here that has kept me going for a really long time.

i love you all, i hope this made sense. in any case, its nice to vent. thanks for sticking with me <3

#hh says things #oc talk #uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this turned out long whoops #i love you guys lots. thanks for checking in and sorry i havent been communicating #ill probably start.... filling my queue little by little once this post has been up for a while idk

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fyrapartnersearch · 8 years ago

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oh look another rp ad

yo what the h*ck is up?

you can all call me nobody, or any other Quirky and Fun™ nicknames you come up with.

anyways, some quick things abt me so that you can get an idea of what i’m about before committing urself to reading this big ol ad.

+female +18 +pacific time zone, active from 6 am to 12am usually +lazy lit (as in my ooc chatter is pretty relaxed but i can crank out good quality 150-500 word replies. intros can hit 1000+ words if i’m in the Zone. samples can be provided on request) +currently looking for m/m roleplays, but willing to double and play m/f and f/f +main genres are horror, dystopian, low fantasy, urban fantasy, cosmic horror/lovecraftian horror, romance, and maybe slice of life if u got a nice plot +kink-friendly, for the most part. only limits are the typical ones. being the Nasty that i am, i compiled a nice lil list of all my likes and dislikes here: https://www.f-list.net/c/gross%20ass%20kink%20list Fav list is the “i’ll give you my firstborn child if you’ll do this with me” list, yes is the “good shit 👀👌” list, maybe is the “don’t rlly care about, but willing to try this!/in some cases this is Good” list, and anything on the no list is a hard limit. +ooc chatter friendly! we don’t have to become Super Best Friends, but communication is always good! +would prefer to play a sub. i’m super sorry abt this because i know most people also wanna play subs but. every single roleplay i’ve done in the past has wanted me to go dom and i’ve done it. it gets tiring after awhile. sometimes it’s nice to get the chance to play a twink for once. that being said i’ll dom if you’re willing to double. +ditch friendly! although i’d prefer notice, idk if you decide things aren’t working out and decide to jump ship

anyways, if you’re still interested i’ll be glad to describe what i’m looking for with more detail!

right now what i’m really craving is some nice, dark romance, possibly between some kinda yandere and the poor object of his/her/their/ect. affections. yandere is possibly some sort of serial killer, and leaves bloody confession notes for their crush at each crime scene.

i’m also really into the idea of equally horrible people falling in love with eachother and doing horrible things to both eachother and others. possibly two different rival serial killers with a nice love/hate relationship?

really there aren’t any details i’m super focused on, what i’m really craving right now is just something Edgy n Dark.

i’m totally down for talking about different plot ideas or expanding on the ones above! however, if you’re the type who likes their partners to have a slightly more coherent plot than just a few loose ideas, have i got the thing for u! all details in the plots below are totally up for discussion and change! the stars indicate how much i’m craving a particular plot. the bolded roles are the ones i have an idea for/an interest in playing!

ι ωαит тσ fυ¢кιиg тєαя уσυ αραят *** (Serial killer x Civilian)

Character A is the textbook definition of predictable and boring, or so it seems. They’re a pre-med student, having few friends and living life on a tight schedule. Class, study, work, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not the type you’d give a second glance. Unknown to most, however, is Character A’s rather… dark hobbies. Having purchased a small fixer-upper on the very edge of town, they’ve used a small loan of their wealthy parents’ money in order to repurpose the decrepit house into something far more sinister. Much like it’s owner, the house appears ordinary and even quaint on the outside. But peeling away this innocuous facade, one exposes a dark secret. A soundproofed basement, filled with various and vile instruments of torture and with blood permanently stained into the concrete floor. It’s Character A’s sanctuary, where they retreat to vent their desires on whatever poor souls they’ve managed to trap. They’re careful in the selection of their victims, of course. They’ve done their research, they know what precautions to take to avoid suspicion. Lately, the town that Character A lives in has seen a decrease in the homeless population. People that no one notices missing, the kind that can disappear without anyone really caring. Character A is, of course, responsible for this. Enter Character B. Their backstory and position in society is totally up to you. Maybe they’re a fellow student, or maybe one of the few police officers who’ve noticed the disturbing disappearances of most of the city’s homeless? Or, maybe they’re some vagrant, lacking any true home and finding themselves wandering from city to city. Regardless, they happen to catch Character A’s interest. And soon, they become an unwilling object of their obsession. Character A has never experienced anything close to romanic or sexual attraction before, and so they deal with these alien emotions the only way they know how to. No matter what, they resolve to make Character B totally and utterly theirs. Even if they have to kill Character B’s family and friends in order to do so.

тнє нσяяσя σf συя ℓσνє *** (Eldritch Abomination/God x Human)

Character A is a creature made from nightmare and chaos, a primordial and ancient being that resides in the darkest, most ancient reaches of the universe. And now, for the first time in their infinite existence, they’ve become bored. Having exhausted all other forms of entertainment, they decide to don a human guise, spending to them what seems like a brief time on Earth. They live a few lifetimes, kill a few kings, and topple a nation or two, before deciding to take on yet another identity in the modern era. This is when they find themselves drawn to Character B, a human (everything besides species is up to you tbh). Perhaps it’s because they’ve spent too much time living as a mortal, but for whatever reason Character A finds themselves experiencing an undeniable attraction. They soon find themselves slipping deeper and deeper into this lust, becoming obsessed with this human and vowing to do anything in their power to make Character B theirs.

ωє киσω ωнєяє уσυ ѕℓєєρ ********* (Assassin x King)

Character A has been trained from birth to become the perfect killer. An orphan taken in by an assassins’ guild, they’ve known no other life, and have never had any thought of escape or rebellion. They’re well known as one of the best assassins in their guild, and oftentimes get the most dangerous and lucrative jobs. However, their newest assignment might prove too much even for them. Character A is no stranger to killing important figures, such as ambassadors or even princes. Though, they’ve never been hired to kill a king before, much less the one of a powerful, wealthy country, the king being Character B. Of course, their pride and greed prevents them from denying such a task, and so Character A sets out to complete their mission. From here it’s more up to you. Perhaps the assassin becomes closer than they should to the king while working undercover, trying to find an opportunity to kill him. Feelings begin to complicate things, and Character A begins to question if they can go through with it. Or maybe Character A fails their task? While attempting to sneak into the castle, they’re captured. And instead of killing them, Character B decides to have a bit of fun with them. They make Character A their concubine, and resolve to utterly break any spirit of rebellion or resistance within them.

ѕσυℓ fσя ѕαℓє **** (Demon x King/Prince) (im ok with either role!) Character A is the a member of a powerful nation’s royal family. Groomed from birth for greatness, they still find themselves doubting their aptitude for leading their country. Or maybe they’re the youngest of the princes, set to inherit nothing but meager riches and a small plot of land. Whatever the reason, they end up contacting a demon in order to achieve their goals. The tomes Character A has read say that, in exchange for one’s mortal soul, a summoned demon will grant them unlimited power. After performing the ritual, however, Character A begins to have some regrets. The summoned demon, Character B, seems to have more control over Character A than they do over the demon. Perhaps they should’ve read the fine print in the contract…

υинσℓу, ∂ιяту, αи∂ вєαυтιfυℓ **** (Demon x Priest)

Character A is a young man of the cloth, the leader of a small congregation in a rural midwestern town. He leads a simple, devout life, right up until a mysterious, dark stranger (Character B) rolls into town. Charming and charismatic, they manage to win over most of the townsfolk. Yet behind those seemingly friendly eyes, there lies something dark. A spark of ill intent, a malicious gleam that speaks of unwholesome desires and intensions. Character A is one of the few to notice this. His suspicions only deepen when he notices Character B’s powerful revulsion towards symbols of worship. He resolves to rid his town of this seemingly demonic invader, though he soon learns that Character B has their own plans for him…

тєяяιвℓє αиgєℓѕ ****** (Fallen Angel x Sacrifice) (im ok with either role!) Character A was once an angel, a creature symbolizing purity and virtue. But, through their own hubris and sin, was cast out of heaven to make their way on earth. They’ve used their time on the mortal plane well, however. They’ve managed to start a small cult about them, convincing their human followers that they are god incarnate, come to earth to cleanse the impure and gather the righteous. In order to prove their devotion, the members of Character A’s cult must make an annual sacrifice in their honor. Enter Character B. A regular human, they find themselves next on the chopping block for this year’s sacrifice. Though when Character A finds them tied up at the altar, helpless and ready to be devoured, they do something odd. Something about this human intrigues them, so much so that they decide to have a bit of fun with them before killing them…

мє αи∂ тнє ∂єνιℓ ******* (Cult Leader x Acolyte)

Character A is the leader of a large cult, which makes its base of operations deep within the rolling deserts of Arizona. A seemingly utopian society at first glance, the cult is run as a commune. No one truly “owns” anything, all property owned by the community itself, the means of production shared. A perfect society, as long as one doesn’t dig below the surface. In truth, Character A holds all of the members under their thumb. No one is allowed to leave, unless they want to face complete ostracization from everyone they know. Not to mention that they would be completely without possessions or money in the free world. The members that Character A favors live privileged lives. They live in the best housing, and oftentimes have multiple spouses. Character A has quite a few spouses as well, and are allowed their pick of anyone in the commune to do with as they wish. Those that displease Character A, however, have a very different lot in life. If they don’t simply “disappear” into the vast desert one day, they are shunned by their peers. Forced to the very edges on the commune, they are not allowed to speak to anyone. Character B is a newcomer to the cult. Before long, they find Character A’s eyes on them, and find themself being courted by them. Life seems good, for a while. Until they begin to learn the dark secrets behind the cult, of course. Will they try and escape, or do anything to avoid falling out of Character A’s favor?

——

of course if none of these plots appeal to you we can def work something else out!!

anyways, here’s my contact info if ur still interested! when you first send me a message, i’d like if you’d include a little about yourself, along with any plots you’d be interested in!

gmail: [email protected]

skype: An0ther Nob0dy

#independent roleplay #oc rp #multiple paragraph #long term #email #messenger #submission

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