#LTB.txt

[lambentplume]

ltb 01

basically someone suggested that i keep a log of stuff bc im gonna stop remembering . and ive been brain bad severe style for a week straight so i have to get this shit down. so if u somehow started reading randomly. then these posts all will have wildfire tws because i can't fucking help it it's all i can think about. i don't wanna flood the real tag bc no readmores + the tw is contextual i guess.

no promises but im trying to keep this one to Ws because i'm feeling like. Unwell Unwell so i gotta fucking . preserve small bits of joy.

one thing that's been cool in irl-facing spaces is that many folks with past experience are joining as respectful allies and offering general advice that is rooted in their experience, only when prompted for that genre of advice. i'm thinking through like, securing my family's continued well being (they're okay Today but what if the situations switch up and they gotta go again yknow) and folks who have had similar fears and are 5 or 10 years out are like . giving me really helpful advice. someone from aforementioned group said that the recovery process is going to take years and that includes all the paperwork shit. and it was like. real bc everyone says "we will never forget" which is TRU but like to be LIVING IT is so so different . it also prompted me to seek help which is why im trying to tap into like...... relief from therapists , been messaging all my friends begging them to just randomly message me to make sure i've eaten bc the answer .... is usually no. im gonna finish these emails and then im gonna like force myself to turn my brain off

im trying to preserve myself for the long haul but im ngl everything reminds me of home im so lahainabrained it's like. the only form of reference i can use but i literally am not realizing how it looks in my head is COMPLETELY different. from what it's like irl rn

i'm ngl i'm really exhausted bc all i can do is help from a distance, but now that there are things that require my brain to work

ok explanation for LTB abbreviation: it's just kind of stupid the maui brewing company does a Lahaina Town Brown Ale and i think it's good. also obviously...............