#also something else that i didnt want to add right to the post

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

hm

thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol

[talkorsomething]

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

[remcycl333]

some thoughts on imagination and fulfilling ALL your desires, no matter how small ♡

hiii! just wanted to share with you guys some things ive been thinking about lately and a new discovery!

so first of all! i went through a little phase this previous weekend where i could not imagine for the life of me. i just could not concentrate, and i kept hyperfixating on every little sound in my room and it was very frustrating. i also could not fall asleep because i usually use daydreams to lull myself to sleep and i couldn't daydream! it was very frustrating.

(side note--at one point i wished that my room would just be silent and then i lost power for a few hours and my room WAS dead silent for a while, lol)

but then i was scrolling thru loatwt, like i do, and i found this acct @/scriptercas and they made a couple of posts about the way they imagine (i like this one too) and i tried it that night and i was DEEP in my imagination for like an hour straight. like me??? adhd aphantasia me???

i know that a lot of you guys are like me and have aphantasia and therefore can't see mental images and you can get discouraged by imagining, but this is definitely my new holy grail and i think this will work so well for you guys too!

(p.s. if you guys are into shifting, that account has some great advice! i'd really recommend!!)

i also recently re-read edward art's series, which i have mentioned in recent posts. once again, i know ive also said this recently, but i highly highly highly recommend reading it (or listening, there's also an audio form) if you haven't already! even if you just read the first five parts. i swear if you are still struggling to fully grasp the law, after you read it you will get it. it's so good.

i bring this up because in a lot of the parts, edward talks about building the habit of fulfilling every single desire--no matter how small--that you have, as it comes to you. and i've just been ruminating on this so much lately.

i remember at the beginning of my loa journey, there would be things that i wanted and i'd kinda mourn the fact that i didnt have them... when i didn't have to. i could've just fulfilled myself. but instead i had the idea in my head that "i'll manifest my sp first, and THEN i can get my desire of receiving flowers." or, "i'll manifest money first, and THEN i can buy the expensive things i want" or "i'll manifest my new apartment, and THEN i can host dinner parties for my friends" etc.

but what i've been thinking about lately--prompted by edward--is that you dont have to want for anything anymore. i can give myself any and everything i want in my imagination. i don't have to wait to manifest something else first.

this has really bolstered my imagination game as well. everything you want to do with or experience once you have your desire, you can have/experience in your imagination right now. and it really adds to your imaginings. it really helps immerse you more and helps you capture the feeling of it being real.

for example, when i was manifesting my apartment, i had sooo many things i wanted to experience once i'd manifested it. i wanted to have my friends over for game night and cook them dinner and make them cocktails. i wanted to bake in my spacious kitchen and have fancy utensils and expensive ingredients. i wanted to shower in my fancy shower and use expensive bath products. i wanted my own vanity stocked with expensive makeup and perfumes. i wanted a large walk in closet with rows and rows of gorgeous clothing. i wanted to come back from a night out and leave my clothes strewn about the bathroom bc i was too drunk to put them away, and no one was gonna see them or yell at me for leaving them there. like some of the things i desired for were so mundane, yet i felt the absence of them in my life every day. for example: living close to a target, being able to make adventurous meals without worrying if my family members would like them, playing video games with my friends in my own living room.

everything i just listed were things i wanted so badly once i had my apartment, but whenever id run into the opposite in my every day life, i wouldn't fulfill myself at first. like i'd go to cook the same old dinner i cooked for my family every other night and i'd be like "ugh i wish i could be in my own apartment where i did the grocery shopping and i could buy fresh ingredients and make an elaborate meal instead of just having pasta and jarred sauce again." but then i realized that if i were in my dream apartment i would be able to do that. i spent so much time imagining waking up in my new apartment and what it would look like, but in the end, imagining stuff like this is what really helped me to fulfill myself and catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

i was really reminded of that whenever i re-read edward's series, and now im applying it to my new desires as well. it's so funny that no matter how much i manifest or how much i learn i always find myself forgetting little tidbits like that that really help me and are very valuable.

anyway i just wanted to make this post to help you guys a little maybe! i was just in the shower and i was remembering edward saying to fulfill every little desire you have--not matter how small-- and i was remembering the days i used to imagine myself in my current shower, and id close my eyes and imagine the scent of the shampoo i wanted to get and i'd feel where every individual bath product would be placed once i had my own shower. and all that inspired me to write this!

i hope that this helps you guys out and/or gives you imagination motivation! i feel like it's important to imagine all the small things that pertain to your desire that maybe you overlook while imagining, but that you know you deeply yearn for even if u think they're mundane or that you'll just get them once you get your big, overarching desire <3

[generalllimaginesss]

jackhughes

Liked by elblue6 and others

jackhughes I’ve never been one for sappy posts, but this past year with this little one has been heaven on earth. I’ve heard so many parents complain about lack of sleep, crying, and so many other things, but how can you complain when there’s something so innocent looking at you like this angel looks at us? I’d do this over a million times if it meant you stay this little forever. Happy first birthday. Always and forever going to be my little girl.

view comments

lhughes_06 Thanks for making me the favorite uncle, bro.

_quinnhughes You’re not the favorite.

lhughes_06 Oh my bad, I’ve never heard her say your name so I thought she just didnt know you existed🫢

_quinnhughes she’s one. How tf is she supposed to say a “q” when she’s one?? I wasn’t the one that was 2 days late to the birth because of “plans that you couldn’t get out of.” 🫢

jackhughes if Quinn didn’t live in the middle of nowhere Canada he’d be the favorite by a long shot🫢

elblue6 I could not have chose a better daughter-in-love or granddaughter for my sweet boy. Nonna and Poppa love all three of you beyond words! Also, is my little angel walking yet?

y/nhughes We love you more! She’s not quite able to walk on her own yet, but Jack is making sure she learns to skate before she walks😉

elblue6 I expected nothing less coming from him lol!

trevorzegras it’s cute watching Quinn and Luke argue over who the favorite uncle is when I’m holding her right now. She may not be able to say my name, but she sure as hell cries when I’m not holding her 🫢

_quinnhughes you traumatize her so much when you hold her that she has to let it out when you’re not.

lhughes_06 she probably has ptsd from looking at your face

trevorzegras anyways, happy birthday to my sidekick. Can’t wait to piss your mom and dad off together when you’re older🫶

nicohischier the best thing to come from a Hughes brother. Happy birthday, love!

jackhughes that was a very unnecessary backhanded compliment, Nico.

lhughes_06 I once brought you brownies to practice. I’m hurt.

nicohischier You’re brownies were burnt.

_quinnhughes are you comparing our niece to burnt brownies Luke?

lhughes_06 Quinn, you’re irrelevant.

colecaufield since everybody else ruined your sappy post…Buddy you’re the best dad. She’s absolutely perfect, just like her mom.

trevorzegras I’m deceased

jackhughes I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not Zegras’s bitch

jackhughes sorry I meant caddy. Damn autocorrect.

y/nhughes love you coley!

jackhughes really y/n?

_alexturcotte happy birthday to my favorite baby. make another one so I can have 2 favorites.

jackhughes gotta talk to y/n about that. If it were up to me we’d have 12.

y/nhughes you can have all the babies you want when you push them out :)

y/nhughes our beautiful little family. You both make life so precious.

jackhughes we would be lost without Mama💜

y/nhughes

Liked by trevorzegras and others

y/nhughes On the left was our first day home, and on the right is you just now. They weren’t lying when they said time is a thief. I went through the worst pain in my life bringing you into this word, little girl, but you made me forget about it the second I heard your first cry. Happy first birthday, angel. Mama and Dada love you infinitely times one hundred.

view comments

nhl Happy birthday Baby Hughes!

fanuser1 she’s so perfect. So happy for the Hughes family! Happy birthday!

_quinnhughes Uncle Q’s favorite girl. Happy birthday!

_alexturcotte The sweetest little family. Now add more. ps happy birthday beautiful.

y/nhughes We love you, Turcs! Our favorite babysitter😉

_alexturcotte the true favorite uncle doesn’t have to brag about it🤷‍♂️

fanuser2 I didn’t like y/n at first, but she’s grown on me.

jackhughes same tbh

y/nhughes Jack I stg if you don’t shut up…

bff.user you may have a lot of boys arguing about the favorite uncle, but I’m secure in knowing I’m the best aunt😙

trevorzegras we can be the aunt and uncle power couple😛

bff.user @jackhughes put your friend on a leash

jackhughes I’ll put a muzzle on him while I’m at it.

trevorzegras you all love me ;)

jackhughes unfortunately

elblue6

Liked by jackhughes and others

elblue6 Happy birthday to Nonna and Poppa’s favorite girl! You’re little heart is too good for this world, but we are so blessed for you to share it with us. You look so much like your mama, but you act just like your dada! (I’m saying a prayer for your mom). We can not wait to celebrate you this weekend! With love, Nonna and Poppa.

comments have been disabled

[thatdeadaquarius]

HELLO IT IS I AGAIN (Razor's mom /real)

So you know those imposters aus where characters chase the reader for being an 'impersonator'?

What if... It's a continuation from my ask (where we meet Razor first before everyone), and Razor is just confused at the patrolling knights near Wolvendom constantly asking him if he have saw 'the impostor'

Tbh he just shakes his head. Who tf is the impostor????? Wtf is an impostor???????

Many question marks later..

He had encountered an epiphany (not really it's just the Springvale ppl talking about someone copying the creator's looks).

The 'Impostor' they have been searching is you.

But you're not an impostor! Razor knows it! Andrius knows it! And with how the nature and the monster responded to you, Teyvat knows it too!

So like the good son he is, he sheltered you even more severely.

Ur not allowed to go out of his sights at this point (he'll still take you to places with many lampgrasses if you still wanna make a crown w it)

And my imagination ends there, do you think there's something else he'd do?

Ty for answering my last request btw, ur the best and I hope you get your favorite characters w one 10 pull and your desired artifacts w the best stats <3

Much love and sweets

-Razor's mom

RAZOR'S MOM!! HELLO aw im so glad u liked it :)

Srry about the late reply! 💜💜💜

Ok, so I think this is a good time to point to my shiny

Writing Requests/About Me Post I have pinned on my 👉 blog!!👈💅 taaa daaaa :) i did it guys here ya go

Yall have been GREAT so far abt keeping the requests chill and fun, and i dont have that many "Donts" that arent obvious (homophobia, transphobia, ableism,etc)

♡

Dont worry Razor Mom, i just wanted to use this as a way to talk about this!! /nm /gen

♡

About Imposter AU, there are plenty of other blogs/posts that write for that or posts under SAGAU tag! :)

I said wayyy earlier on in some of my first asks, but basically I really want to lighten up the Genshin SAGAU / Isekai tag and branch out from all these darker Imposter AUs :)

And also add more world-building posts or AUs <3

(language brainrot for example)!!

◇

TL;DR: I am not accepting hunting down/yandere/cult au/imposter au Genshin Sagau, only a funny or chill version of it.

Please check my writing rules post :)

Example: u look like Creator, but everybody's like, "oh lucky them wow rlly blessed, have a free drink, etc.

OR omfg where r they?? They descended to Teyvat oh fuck we lost our god-"

♡

Heres the Razor post !!!

If u wanna check it out :]

Cracks knuckles, Saddle up Baby, bc its time for my version of the Imposter AU 🤭😋😈

(and sorry for answering super late/possible scare Razor mom anon!! :'/ )

♡

So it begins rlly small right?

Like, Razor does not know the new knight patroling Wolvendom's borders

,, weird but ok, he thinks basically

And then when it was time to visit some domains a little closer to Springvale for grinding

(Or rlly just to get some of their tiny restaurants homemade food yumm)

He notices more Favonius knights lurking around than usual

Or at least widening their patrols

And hes like wtf?

Ur like, huh.

I'll ask Springvale ppl wtf goin on

The locals respond that the search for the Great Creator has begun.

...

...you and Razor: 👁👄👁 w h o m s t ❔️

◇

Upon further questioning

(which was apparantly weird that yall didnt know, but eh, u just used the whole "feral wolf child with feral blacksmith parent living in woods ignorance" excuse)

Admittedly yall, quite literally, live under a rock lmao

They explain theres a whole ass prophecy

Abt how the Great Architect would succumb to a long slumber somewhere else in the vast universe after making the planet.

And when the time is right, they will reconnect to Teyvat, and awaken, and descend in a mortal form

(like the archons)

◇

..but the kicker is nobody knows wtf they look like bc:

1. All that lore is hella crumbly and old, and very hard to translate

2. Mortal forms sometimes look different than god forms, so even if they did know some defining features of the Creator, that wasnt guaranteed to be them...

◇

(i.e. they will have brown eyes, well. Thats a fuckton of ppl with brown eyes innit? 💀)

♤

So thru certain signs, that this mysterious prophecy wooooo

Said would happen, the nations of Teyvat and their many supernatural inhabitants are aware the ultimate god has descended

(The crops flourished? Animals got more wily, many of the sick ppl got better for no reason, the Irminsul started regrowing/filling out its base- like how it looked like a lightning struck tree rn 💀)

So every country are now trying to find them to be the first to welcome them home

Needless to say its lowkey a competition

◇

Meanwhile you and Razor are just:

... (゜▽゜;)

"Haha yeah cool..."

(Andrius already told u what u r to Teyvat and explained to Razor)

Ur both immediately slapping a cloak on u and keeping the hood up all the time

Yall dont wanna be seperated :(

Ur both paranoid for diff reasons,

Razor's just scared his Lupical is going to be taken from him again bc there r better, more refined humans wanting to be ur Lupical ;-;

And ur like-

Omfg that sounds like sm work 💀

While its nice to daydream abt what itd be like to be famous, realistically,

U could not handle that shit.

People crowding you all the time?

U cant just look busted anywhere u go, like a midnight snack run

Ppl would also expect u be,

Responsible??

To act like a competent ruler maybe???

Hell no.

U just wanted to play a pretty gacha game and spoil ur skrunklies

(At least, if they do wanna call u that, they dont make u do anything political 💀 but u doubt it)

◇

Needless to say, Razor is glued to ur side everywhere u go.

A domain a half mile away? Oh he'll come with dw

Ur gonna go stop by that food merchant further up the road for ingredients? Cool he'll sniff the best ones!

Ur going to see Andrius??

Oh he needed to see him too-

😭😭🥺🥺 poor babe

♧

Surprisingly enough,

Or maybe not his house is right tf there

Diluc is the first person to actually recognize you.

Razor had been subtly steering u away from Mondstadt for 3 weeks now, ever since yall talked to the Springvale locals

An u cant say u didnt notice, but u werent rlly stopping him

You wanted to be like Venti, chillin among the ppl regardless of ur powers, not the Raiden Shogun :/

And maybe shock some ppl who dont know ur a god like him too lol

◇

Diluc had been looking around the lesser patroled areas of Mondstadt to search for the Architect

He didn't even need those incompetent knights to tell him their god had finally descended

He already saw the signs long before Mondstadt

Bc youve been in Wolvendom, the area has flourished over time, more fish in the water, more game to hunt and bigger, crows making circles in the sky despite there being no corpse

And one of the closest places to you,

Is the Dawn Winery.

Diluc's security against Venti began to hold up better, the staff didn't have to clean as much things like dirt or weather damage to the manor,

His hawk had never been faster delivering his letters, he almost thought the little guy had been drugged with something

◇

He patroled Stormterror's Lair, and deep in the woods surrounding the manor that the knights hadn't bother to go into

Afterall, he figured you'd never had a mortal form before, so u were unlikely to fend for urself for very long in the woods lol

so he wanted to find u quick (aww softy :')

He even made a trip out to the Thousand Wind Temple and Dragonspine (he did report that one to the knights, he didn't want Amber, Bennett, or Creator-forbid Klee, being the few pyro users to have to explore it)

Finally, after doing the further away locations, siginificant in history and rich with leftover magic

Diluc figured that's where you might land first, so he saved Wolvendom for last

It would at least let him check on that wolf kid and maybe get to talk to him long enough to ask him if he's seen anything unusual.

The lord of Dawn Winery manor heads into the Wolvendom woods, just as sunset colors the trees...

◇

It was a Friday evening, the sun was setting, the weather was pleasant and it was time for all of the Lupical to come together and eat a big feast!! :)

About once a month, Andrius will come out for a few nights and dine with all of yall

Hes an old wolf give him a break, he takes long naps

So u cook lots of Mondstadt favorites to eat on and a few Liyue dishes too

Razor, ur favorite helper, has helped u finish the last dish and is now romping around with the puppies bless <3

U guys have dragged ur coffee table dining table setup out to sit and eat at

Andrius lets out a not too loud, not too quiet howl, and as the wolves, Razor and you lmao join in

Yall dig in, bones flying everywhere, spagetti noodles flingling around, it would put toddlers to shame lol

◇

Diluc hears a howl that is too... big to be a regular wolf.

It filled the air of Wolvendom like no howl before it, as he used the glowing lampgrass to help light the path deeper

He sneaks past a hilichurl camp or two, all fast asleep

He scans the woods, and figures he'll search the woods besides the path after he gets to that old stone carved pit-

Food?

Diluc sniffs the air, and squints deeper into the forest

The black branches shade the way ahead, but just barely... he can see the flicker of orange and blue light?

He summons his claymore, bracing it on his shoulder, and creeps into the treeline to better hide him

◇

You swear to god (dammit swear to.. you??) someone is watching you.

You look around the piles of fluffy doggos, happy and stuffed full they r slowly forming puppy piles

Andrius is finishing his meat platter, also sitting on all four legs on the ground

Razor is splayed on his back beside you, eyes closed, his feet sticking out the other side of the table, u chuckle at him

But not a single Lupical seems to be looking at you.

Gulping down your last few bites, you scan the treeline

U refuse to be that bitch in a horror movie where their gut says smth is off and they brush it off or barely look at their surroundings

Turning around to the treeline behind you, u see something... red fur?

U sit up some more, peering over the bushes at the bottom of the trees

You meet a pair of warm brown eyes, widened like they're just as shocked to see you

As u notice his familiar red high ponytail (but also not?? Its weird going from 2D to 3D and still recognizing bitches)

U peer down at his chest, as he carefully stands out of the foliage-

That familiar star shaped button that u can press for the character menu screen, the same thats on Razor, on Benny, on Fischl, on Lisa-

Hovers over Diluc's chest.

◇

Diluc is in the bush, observing the human(???) stranger (he really doesnt want to attract the attention of that.. giant spirit wolf thing)

The figure sitting at a ... table?? (He can barely process all these absurdities at once, hes only got so much brain space)

Has sensed his presence, and as he grips his claymore, ready to demand answers,

Razor startles, and jumps up, smelling the pyro user, he summons his weapon-

The figure locks eyes with him, and all he sees is gold.

Diluc drops his claymore.

☆

♡

☆

Have a cliffhanger bc idk 🤷‍♂️ Also srry it wasnt exactly Mondstadt finding u, and it somehow turned into a whole scenario?? Idk man

🤧 welp i hope that was decent Razor mom! Tysm for ur sweet feedback abt our beloved son 🙏💜🐺

Feel free to always talk again, thru comments, asks whatever!! :D

♡

Cheers,

💀♒️

(guys im so stupid i coud've been signing off with this simple emoji combo the whole time,, 😭i didnt actually think abt emojifying my name, just making it look pretty with some of my fav emojis... 😔)

If anyone reads this u should let me know which one is better lol

💀♒️

OR

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

OR like a combo???

♡my beloved♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[anonvkirkped]

Exposing @/Kirkped.

hello everyone, i will stay anon for this callout but you may know who i am, or know my story. I dont wish to cause anything but i just want people within the fandom to know what this person has done.

TW / CW for: grooming, arguing, suicide and suicide baiting, racism, slurs, splitting.

for background info, kirkped goes by multiple within this callout, timmy and xochi. Kirkped has mental illnesses which cause them to lash out and i understand that, yet over time this was just abuse, they claimed they were trying and attempting to get better, but often lied and only got worse. Continuing to blame mental illness when i feel it is no excuse, being mentally ill does not give a right to abuse.

i have attempted to blur out all names. And give proof.

————————

starting off with something important: The racism, timmy is kirkped and has been confirmed by kirkped themselves. They lied about being black when in reality being asian. Went on for around a while. Said the N word multiple times.

—————-

Next up just general abuse:

These screenshots are from when i posted a video of me and them playing roblox, friend saw it and brought it up. Friends talked about how they were abusive and i wont stop going back, yet xochi told me to tell them it was due to their mental illness.

kirkped getting upset im busy on my birthday party, i get they need the attention but i told them before i would be busy that day.

One of xochis friends, i had blocked xochi and they told them to contact me. I didnt want to talk anymore yet they wouldnt take no for an answer.

Suicide baiting, they did this 24/7. They copied and pasted this and sent it to a bunch of people. Made me lose my mind.

Them getting upset just recently after we sadly spoke again after months, i didnt want to talk anymore due to being triggered and they exploded on me.

—-

This is just insane.

and also

Them ignoring my triggers

———

this is the first callout ive ever made, xochi has caused great pain to me and others, their relationship has caused me to dissociate, have panic attacks so bad i shut down, and get triggered and cry every time i enter the basement: where they suicide baited and made me cry and scream over call while i his from my family, it was a painful night.

i have needed professional help to recover, im still shaken up. Im still so extremely traumatized to the point of abusing drugs to force myself to forget the past. This is only a chuck of everything but im not sure what else to add. Im scared, i dont understand why they keep coming back, they keep pretending theyre fine when they need help, i dont want to cancel them. I just want them to realize they hurt others and many wish them to stay away from the internet.

please understand. Its 3 am and im very scared. I am traumatized over kirkped. I wish no one else has to go through the same, please block. I am not the only one either, i just havent gotten other views yet.

-anon.

[timmy-bee]

hello beautiful people of tumblr.would you care to hear about this beautiful au ive come up with

boatem as liella (MORE ACTUAL THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT/A RUNDOWN OF WHOS WHO AND WHY)

mumbo as ren - ren is the school concil presiendet and mumbo is ceo… its like the same almost - ren is high class which means RICH!! mumbo is the RICHEST HERMIT!! - generaly formal guys that are very silly - i think like.cannot explain it but like if mumbo saw something serious he would act like he didnt see it (ren saw chisato was going to leave the school she acted like she didnt see it…) - "Her favorite saying is, "Never forget why you started."" <-mumbocore - ren got addicted to video games? MINECRAFT? pearl as chisato - pearl would work at a food truck in my head it feels fitting - she wold most DEFINITELY be the one to train the other guys with dancing & other stuff - gossip girl - okay so chisatos whole thing in ep 5(?) where she was getting left out when kanon keke and sumire were with sunny passion because she was so involved with the idol group but wasnt actually an idol herself ? yeah pearl coded impulse as kanon - shes like. . . just normal girl and impulse is just normal guy but theyre both actually weird (/AFF POS) - impulse would like .. . want to get into something and DESERVE to get into said thing but then absolutely die from anxiety during the audition / interview and not get in - the impulse and scar dynamic that comes from them being kanon and keke.. . . . - I DONT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE I DONT KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT IMPULSE scaar as keke - scar biggest hypeman to anyone ever i think " this is my little guy and if you dont clap and cheer for him ill blow this place to the ground " energy - ALL OF KEKE ENERGY IS SO SCAR!! - "NO IDOL GROUP ALLOWED?! THIS IS PUPOSTERUS! [IMPULSE]. WE NEED TO QUIT THIS SCHOOL RIGHT NOW" - completely hyped up to do something but then when it comes to doing it dies of anxiety but then bounces back instantly - keke images that are scar coded to me below - they both would and have chased down someone

grian as sumire - grian's the kind of guy to kidnap someone take them to his house/shrine and try to preform some stupid magic to get them to forget something that happened but also is actively learning the magic while he does it - SUMIRES LIKE!! the thing where she says "GALAXY!!" thats a bit grian coded to me i dont know what hed say though - grian WOULD stand out in the rain desperate for someone to team up with him just like how sumire stood out in the rain desperate for someone to scout her (cough cough SECRET LIFE cough cough) - like with sumire's thing about how when she was a child she only got side parts in stuff and she wanted to be the center in liella but then when they voted for kanon to be the center and she quit…. grian coded - grian wouldve done something embarrassing as a child thats everywhere on the internet if you search hard enough and his friends tease him about it THOSE ARE ALL MY THOUGHTS IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF THESE HERMITS AND ANYTHING OF LIELLA REBLOG WITH THOUGHTS AND ADDITIONS IN THE TAGS ILL ADD TO THE POST !!!!!!!!!! or send an ask too

[bigmack2go]

Newbie Newsies

A guide for new Newsie fans

Chapter two: Characters

Previous chapter: the basics->•

Chapter index ->•

Imma just start lf with a basic list of Characters. Only names. Nothing else. Then i‘ll give you the looks (and versions of that) and actors that played them and how to reckognise them (also split in versions) bc theres A L O T so like whos who‘sies

Then i‘ll tell you about some oc‘s and then i‘ll go into some lore for each of the characters that have one. That includes fannon

Imma try not to go TOO much into detail bc this is gonna be long enough as it is and there already are posts about them

Characters

This isn’t gonna have any specific order i literally not even sure if i didnt miss any.

Jack “Cowboy“ Kelly/ Francis Sullivan

Davey (“a walkin mouth”) Jacobs

Sarah Jacobs

Les Jacobs

Ed “Racetrack” Higgins

?“Spot” Conlon

Romeo ?

Katherine Plumber (but actually Pullitzer)

?“Mush” Meyers

Louis “Kid Blink” Balletti

Albert DaSilva

Isaac “Ike” ?

Michael “Mike”

Patrick ? ?

Hotshot “Hotshot” Hotshot

? Smalls ?

Jeany “Mack” MacDonald

Archie “Sniper” Wah

Niklas “York” ?

Samuel “Specs”?

Gabe “Boots” Argus

?”scobe”?

Patrick “Finch” Cortes

Elmer Kasprzak (pls tell me i spelled this right)

(Benjamin) “buttons” Davenport

Josephino Jorgelino “JoJo” De laGuerra (this is not a joke. That is his name.)

Kenny?

?”Graves”?

Niamh??

?Myron?

?”Splint”?

(Charlie) “Crutchie” Morris

Henry?

? “Skittery”?

?”bumlets”?

?”swifty”?

Gabriel “snaps” ?

?”splasher”?

?”comet”?

?”pie eater”

Thomas “Tommy boy”?

?”snipeshooter”?

?(“tumbler”)?

?”goldie”?

Looks

Imma have to handle this w repost cuz u can only add ten photos and all that ykyk

Jack:

His main four appearances are christian bale (92‘sies), jeremy jordan (obc and livesies), corey cott (broadway and toursies (i think)) michael ahomka (uk‘sies) and pierre marias (TUTS)

Imma be honest i wanted to list everyone that plyed the characters but i don’t think i can even find that all so im just gonna go woth the most famous ones each

Basically the only thing thats always the same about him is the vest

Davey has been played by David Moscow(92‘sies) Ben Fankhauser (obc& live‘sies) ryan kopel (uk‘sies) and Ben Diamond (TUTS)

He usually has a rather small face and a prominent nose. His hair has always been dark so far. He always has something blue about him sticking out/ is generally held in a blue vibe.

Sarah was played by ela keats. She was only in 92‘sies. She was originally planned to be in the theatre versions but her character was cut completely.

She has lightbrown/darkblonde long hair and- well theres only one actress so u can see for urself

The most famous Race‘s have been Max Castella (92‘sies), Ryan breslin (obc), ben cook (livesies) and josh barnet (uk‘sies) and Cole Zieser (TUTS)

[reductionisms]

okay hi. how are you! you mightve noticed me liking and reblogging millions of your gintama posts. to which i say... teehee gomen? ;^__^ just wanted yo say i love the way your analysis and also the gintama math posts?!!!??!!! not saying im getting everything because im not (<- studied math for 3 years but not in english so i dont understand some of it) but yeah its was a nice approach. and im saving them to read later again when its not 2am

now for the ASK: have you thought about making a pinned post of all your analysis/the gintama math series? i would love to have them in one place

and the second ask: i noticed you and another blog (joleetwo i think?)(im planning on stalking all their gintama posts too. when it's not 2am) talking about gintoki = shouyo. would you explain it a bit? or if you already have, can you send the link?

THANK YOU!!!

hi!

tyyy, you flatter me too much... tbf even though i study math im pretty bad at it so i dont get everything either& half of what i write is abuse of notation lol

as for mathematics posting, unfortunately ive been sick on and off for the last 3 months and also very busy, so i didnt get to continue the tama series (im hoping to add it eventually, but right now its just the first installment). my other misc gintamaposting, including math posting (everything is math posting to me even if it isnt), is under “goose tag” in my archive if youd like to check it out. there’s also this compendium* i made of things i think are gintama math posting from other gintama mathematicians i love and admire. (*from early 24 so not updated since then- so not comprehensive)

as for shouyou=gintoki, i havent written on this specifically since it’s just something i carry with me always… in the first, in 519-20 when takasugi sees shouyou in his eye, in the next panel he sees gintoki in that exact position. to me, the first time i watched that, it just sort of clicked.

philosophically, gintama has this theme of what makes someone human. i feel like humanity here must be given to you by someone else (you have to be Named by them)— and it sort of aligns with the passing of promises (4devas, coan flashback)— that is, the passing of someone’s will. jirocho promises otose’s husband to protect kabukicho, which is otose’s husband’s will, and then gintoki promises jirocho to do the same, etc. similarly, gintoki upholds shouyou’s promise to protect their friends— which i am inclined to think is at least partially constitutive of shouyou’s person. that is, shouyou strove against utsuro to love and protect humans, which is what differentiated him from utsuro and eventually made him human (through gintoki, who makes him human). so gintoki receives shouyou’s promise, which is shouyou’s self (“a samurai is one who disciplines their weaker self”—follows this promise—self tied to promise), and on the cliff he acts it out. ie, by participating in shouyou’s will gintoki becomes shouyou. as do many people in gintama. and none at all. anyways unfortunately im sick and low energy so this is a bad explanation but hopefully that makes sense? Im sure joelle has written on this as well, as a heads up id just check with him to make sure he’s okay with spam notifs before going through his blog.

ty for the mathematics love since i love mathematics posting, & have a wonderful day!

[elslump]

Night Out

An:this is part one of hopefully a long series. Ik this part is pretty long but I wanted to get to a good stopping point . Also ik I haven’t posted in a minute so please show this some love thx

Wc: 4 k

Cw: drinking//fem!reader//cheating???// I thinks that’s it but let me know what else I need to add.

Summary:You and Abby are in a messy relationship. And the messy relationship reaches it point when you meet a girl at a party one night that changes your perspective of your girlfriend.

You were sat at a party with your legs thrown over your girlfriend's lap, picking at the fresh manicure on your nails. You weren't particularly involved with the conversation going around you. only being allowed to add a few words before you were interrupted again. bored, you taped your girlfriend on the shoulder letting her know you were going to get a drink. she wasn't paying enough attention to even notice you had gotten up, too deep in the conversation. Abby wasn't much of the romantic type. you didn't feel like what you two had was much of a relationship. it seemed more like a title. 

you move past guests, making your way from the living room to the kitchen. you gaze and the compilation of glass bottles sitting on the counter. you weren't much of a drinker but you thought you'd take up the offer of free alcohol at a boring party where your girlfriend would hardly have a conversation with you. you pick up an unlabelled bottle giving it a smell before pouring some into the cup you held.

"Whatcha got there," a voice says. it was raspy, low, mysterious... You turn around to see an unfamiliar auburn-haired girl in a flannel. her sleeve being pulled up just enough for her rough arms to display a tattoo, a butterfly? a bug? you stop yourself mid-thought to the realization you've been staring at her hands a little too long. your eyes meet hers in a flash. in hopes, she didn't catch you gazing. 

" oh! Um, I'm not sure" you stutter over your words of the unexpected conversation. "It was unlabeled." You shrug, looking at the red solo cup in your hands.

"You just going around drinking unmarked things" she teases, walking around you, almost circling you like a shark in water. before you knew she was grabbing your drink and taking a gulp. she scrunches her face "Oh no, you won't like this"

you scoff "How would you know what I like" You take the cup from her hand, taking a much smaller gulp than she did. it burned going down your throat, making you gag. 

the strange girl chuckles before smashing down the rest of the cup "See? What do you like?" she asks. her eyes are sweet. Her face flustered, clearly tipsy. 

"I don't know. I'm not much of a drinker. Maybe something fruity? Not as strong" She nods as she scours the drink. adding things to the cup. She was so swift with it. She looks as if she's making a potion. She hands you the drink, a big grin on her face, clearly proud of her creation. you take a hesitant sip, your face lighting up competently. " This is great! You really good at this" You take down another sip.

The girl shrugs with a wide grin on her face "I've never seen you around these parties before" she leans on the counter, her eyes looking at the shine in your eye to the rip on your fishnets just below your knee. 

her gaze made you feel as if you were to melt. crumble right under her stare. "Yeah," your eyes wander off to search for your girlfriend in the crowd of people, just off to your right. " I don't usually attend parties, especially these ones but my girlfriend convinced me to go just to ignore me half the night" you scoff, realizing that you were talking shit about your girlfriend to a random girl you met not even five minutes ago. " m'sorry" you face falls into your palm as a wave of embarrassment rolls over your body "Didnt mean to dump that on you like that" 

"No, don't apologize. quite alright" She hardly lets you finish before she was reassuring you... something Abby sure never did." She sounds like a pain. I wouldn't let a pretty girl like you out of my site, especially at a party like this" she chuckles. her voice becoming deeper, sweeter. 

"Eh, she's not quite all that bad as I made her seem" You take another sip from your now almost empty cup. "Well" you lift off the counter "I should be getting back. Oh, and thank you for a drink" you smile. not sure if you really wanted to leave or if it was just the socially acceptable thing to do. the strange girl made you feel safe. the way she talked so effortlessly to you. the way she seemed she really enjoyed the conversation made a pain grow in your heart. a desperate feeling of wanting that from Abby. "I'll see you around?" you take a step " I never got your name strange girl" you smile

" Ellie" Ellie... Ellie. the name sparked something in your mind. it sounded familiar but you could catch the thought floating in your head. "And you" As soon as the name rolled out of your mouth Ellie's mind clicked. "You Abbys girl aren't you?" she laughs like she couldn't believe it.

"yeah? you know her or something?" Your eyebrow perks as you try to spark your brain again to not be rude if you met her before.

"You could say that" she rubs the back of her neck "We had some... conflict in the past but that's all just history now" It clicked. you remember Abby saying something about how they had "girl trouble" in high school or whatever.

you smile once more before giving her a nod and making your way back into the living room. you find Abby to be in the exact spot you left her in "Abby" you giggle as you get comfy next to her

"What's up" she turns her head but her eyes never break contact with the conversation. you rub circles into her arm.

"Here" you push your drink into her chest" Try this it's Sooo good" you smile, sweet giggles rolling off your words. an act that would've put any other girl in a grave. But not Abby...

"Not right now babe" She pushes the drink back to you. the excitement you had suddenly faded.

"OK," you say under your breath, taking a sip of your drink. you scan the room, not sure what you are looking for but you find it. Ellie was sitting across the room sitting on a sofa laughing. She was preoccupied with a conversation. her hands lay along her thighs as she manspread on a loveseat. her long fingers fidgeting at the hem of her jeans.

 Your boredom became unbearable. your hand became fidgety and the room you were in became intensely hot. your hair clinging to the back of your neck, pricks of heat rose up your thighs. By now the party died down. As more people left you felt the room cool. the kitchen had cleared and the empty drink in your hand was enough of a push to get up and stumble your way to the counter. most of the bottles had been picked through and you couldn't seem to make any recognition of the bottles Ellie used for your concoction earlier, most being empty. not long after you left the group, Ellie followed. 

"You come back for another one of my extortionary drinks" Ellie walks up behind you. Huge smirk on her face. 

"Nah, I think I'm done for the night" you laugh as you fill your cup under the tap "Parties cleared up quite a bit, huh?" You push yourself up onto the counter.

"Yeah, parties like these don't last very long" she laughs into her cup. the room now filling with unbearable silence. "Hey, I don't mean to overstep or anything but" she pauses, Then a scoff escapes her mouth "Never mind," an embarrassed grin follows her face. 

"what! no, you can't" Your expression was filled with curiosity." You can't leave me on a cliffhanger" you laugh, eager to know what she was waiting to say.

"I'm not leaving you on a cliffhanger" she stands from leaning on the counter "There was nothing to say in the beginning" She laughs at how eager you are. 

" OH MY GOD. You liar!" You and Ellie's conversation had become louder and louder over time, catching more people's attention. eventually catching Abby's attention. "You're such a tease." you giggle. covering your mouth with your freshly manicured hand. trying to hide the toothy smile across your face. 

"Williams," a stern voice says from behind you. Ellie's mouth seems to morph into an even bigger grin as she sees who emerged behind you, Abby. the blond girl wraps her arm around your waist.

"Abby!" Ellie puts her arms out smugly in a fake greeting "Good to see you, been a while" 

 Abby lets out a cocky scoff. The alcohol radiates off of her." I could say the same. You seem to be having a good time talking to my girlfriend" Her grip on your waist tightens. 

you sigh, already knowing where this is going to go. Abby could be posesive at times. if you talked to someone a little too long, laughed at someone's joke too loud, or didn't tell her where you were going. you tried your best to not aggravate her because you knew it would end up as a fight later. it was usually worse when it was at a party or bar because when she was drunk her words would hurt ten times worse. though she would always decline the accusations of her being a mean drunk, it didn't change anything.

 "Abby" you rub the small of her back "let's not do this tonight, okay?" You smile at her hoping she will catch on.

"No, hold on I wanna know her intentions. Do you think talking to my girlfriend is gunna make me jealous? some type of revenge on me? funny.." Abby's voice is loud. practically yelling at Ellie. shes caught the attention of the remaining few people at the party.

Ellie's stance completely shifts. Her eyebrows burrow. "What are you saying?" a smirk lays on her lips" Not everything I do is about you Abby, I'm sorry to break it to you but it's true." Abby rolls her eyes, huffing out of her nose. "Don't walk in her and act like you haven't been ignoring her all night. She's allowed to talk to people. She, not some kind of arm candy to sit next to you 24/7" 

"Don't talk to me like you know my girlfriend better than I do." She now has her finger in the auburn hair's girl's face. " And don't act like you're talking to her to actually get to know her. like you actually have an interest in her and you're not just using her to get back at me for stealing your stupid high school girlfriend" Abby's words cut you deep. what if Ellie really was just talking to you to get back at Abby? what are the chances of you meeting your girlfriend's high school enemy at a party?  

"Abby please let's just go home" She ignores you "Abby please you're drunk."

she snaps in your direction " Dont tell me what I am!" her finger now in your face." what is everyone's deal with telling me what I am, how I act, how- how the fuck I do things" the yelling became too much, the attention became too much. it all just became too much. 

"Don't!-" Ellie places a rough shove on Abby's shoulder "Don't fucking talk to her like that" the ringing in your ears stops. a snap. like tightly pulled elastic. you reach over to Abby's back pocket. digging around, your finger linking to the ring of the car keys.

" Come out to the car when you're done with this shit" You leave a heavy pat on her back before turning on your heels and making your way out of the crowded circle of people that accumulated.

The air was crisp and cold, the breeze making your tear-coated cheeks feel frozen. you fumble with the keys, pushing them into the slot. You just sat there in the driver seat, windows down, and the slight static of talking from the radio. you rested your head on the side of the door. drifting off into a light, foggy unconsciousness

you were woken up by the close of the car door. you look over to see Abby, bloodied up. the sight of her made your heart drop. was it her blood? or..."Don't worry, it is not mine...or- or hers. Some guy stepped into what wasn't his business and got what he asked for." You didn't know what to say. were you to comfort her or to scold her for making such a huge scene in front of so many people over some stupid little drama? so you did what you knew best to do.

"'m'sorry Abby" Apologize. Your hand comes up to hold her forearm " I don't know what I was thinking. it's just all-" She never tears her eyes away from the dashboard. " Are you ok?"

She sighs" Im fucking fine can we just go home" She pinches the bridge of her nose with her pointer and her thumb. you don't say anything. Just start the car and go home. you don't need to start anything.

When you got home neither of you said anything. You unlocked the door and took off your shoes. Abby did the same. it wasn't till after 30 of avoiding conversation, that you said something.

"Abby," you said in the softest tone you could. she sat at the end of the bed scrolling on her phone. blood still dried on her knuckles. you rearrange the items on your side table. You waited for a response to continue but you only got a hum. "How are you feeling?" You look at the clock to see that it reads 1:34. "s'getting pretty late." 

" God I don't think you are capable of shutting up for five fucking minutes" She stands up throwing her phone down on the bed then taking her shirt off to rummage through the dresser. flipping through the messy drawers.

" Abby. Come on, you know I'm just trying to smooth things over. I don't like going to bed angry at each other" You sit on your side of the bed.

"Oh really? Smooth things over? seems like you go out of your way to piss me off" Her voice is muffled by the shirt she's pulling over her face. an off white wifebeater. She walks to the bathroom connected to your bedroom, you follow.

" It's not just about you. I don't like being mad at you but you pushed it tonight" You lean on the counter of the sink she's washing her hands in. The water running off in a crimson red she huffs in response. "Abby? Are you even listening to anything I have to say"

"No! All you do is talk and talk, it goes in one ear and out the fucking other" she pushes past you. drying her hands on her pants and plopping on the bed with her phone.

"What the fuck Abby? You ignore me all night, then talk to me like this? l-like im fucking nothing? Are you serious" She's sat on the bed scrolling on her phone while you stood in the bathroom doorway.

"Is this what this is about?" she chuckles in disbelief " I don't talk to you enough one night so you start flirting with some other chick. god, how desperate are you" She rests her hand behind her head while typing in the code to her phone.

"Oh my god. I wasn't flirting with anyone. Am I not allowed to talk to other people at parties? Am I truly supposed to sit next to you all night and be quiet?" you cross your arms. walking closer to where she sat.

"Make a hell ton of a better night if you did" The room wen fell silent. your eyes start to swell with tears. she did think you were arm candy.

she looks at you with an annoyed look. a look she often gave you. " great now your crying. what else is new."

You walk to your side table. wiping warm tears that fell. You unplugged your charging phone."I'm going to shower" You waited for a response but after a few seconds, you gave up and made your way to the bathroom before closing it and locking it. 

You turn the nob to the shower, letting the water warm up. you looked at yourself in the mirror. admiring your puffy eyes and red cheeks. your phone buzzes and you see a notification from Instagram. " Ellie_wills989 liked your photo" You picked up your phone in a panic. and not even two seconds later another notification " Ellie_wills989 started following you" You open the app to see the photo she liked. a photo of you and a few of your friends at a club. you hesitated before hitting the " follow back" but once you did you squirmed like a little girl who just kissed her crush at recess. the phone hit the counter with a thud before turning and getting in the shower. the whole shower you thought of what you'd say to Abby when you got out. what words you could use to avoid a fight but when you walked out of the bathroom she was dead asleep. snoring lightly. 

The next morning you woke up with what you would describe as the worst headache of your life. you fully expected Abby to be up and at the gym already but when you swept your arm over you were met with a mound next to you and a groan. you roll over to place your head on her chest. feeling her heartbeat pitter and her deep breaths. you fidget with the hem of her shit before you met with the pressure of her hand on your waist and a sloppy tired kiss placed on your forehead. you shift your head so you can look at her. her hair all frizzy, falling out of its once neat braid.

her eyes met yours "mornin'." She rubs her eyes with her free hand, then pushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear. Abby was always sweet the morning after a fight. it was her way of "apologizing".

"morning. thought you'd be at the gym by now" 

She sighs "Nah. one of my buddies flaked, I'll go later." she says closing her eyes, tightening the grip on your side.

"Oh okay." You sit up "Do you want me to make you breakfast" You rub circles into Abby's skin.

Abby reaches for her phone and wincs as the light shines on her not-so-light-adjusted eyes. "Um... No. Don't worry about it." She's now sitting and slipping off of the bed and heading into the bathroom. "Ima head out before it gets too late," she says before closing the bathroom door. you got yourself out of bed and slipped your feet into your fuzzy socks. walking into the living room from your bedroom. you turned on the TV to a random channel while you opened the fridge to browse the items. you hated to cook in silence. matter of fact you hatted to do anything in silence. you settled on the TV, thinking it was too early in the morning for music. which you would disagree with but Abby seemed to take quite a disliking to your music taste saying it was " basic" and "unoriginal".

you find yourself eating the same breakfast most days, eggs and toast. you grab two eggs out of the container. closing the fridge door with your hip and grabbing a pan, placing it on the stove. As the eggs cooked you sliced the bread, popping it into the toaster.

 right as you placed your meal on a plate Abby was heading out the door with a rushed goodbye. hardly finishing your 'goodby' before she was closing the door. you step to look out the kitchen window to see Abby pulling out of the driveway and driving off. you stayed there until the black dot of her car disappeared. you sat yourself on the couch. pulling a fuzzing blanket over your bare legs. by now you realized what channel you had you had on. some random reality TV show, which you quickly changed. not daring to touch your food until you find a worthy show to binge while eating. something you loved to do. early in your and Abby's relationship, watching movies while you ate dinner after a long day was something you looked forward to most nights. but as Abby drug you to more parties your dinner dates started to decline. 

By now you had searched many apps finally setting on a random movie on Netflix. you pulled your plate of food to your lap when a notification dinged on your phone. you assumed it was Abby. asking you to run out and hand her something she left behind, but when you pulled out your phone you saw a different notification." Ellie_wills989 Sent you a message" You felt your heart speed up and freckeled spikes pinded along the back of your neck. you set your plate to the side while you divided your full attention to the notification. you felt a wave of guilt flood your mind. the words Abby said last night beginning to pop back into your head. before you can even think your opening Instagram and clicking on your messages. you didn't care about what Abby said. you're allowed to have friends. even if she didn't approve of them.

Hey

I just wanted to apologize for last night and how things ended. 

Before you could process anything else another message appeared

How are you?

Abby hadn't once ever asked if you were okay after a night of partying, despite the migraines that lingered in both of your heads.

Im doing ok

you type

despite the god awful headache I have going on. Wbu?

The temp in the room seemed to rise. you throw off the blanket on your lap. throwing it on the table next to your discarded breakfast.

why was talking to Ellie so much different than it was last night? Maybe it was the lack of alcohol in your body. you just felt so obligated to respond with the right words and not to make yourself out as such a fool as your drunken self had probably already done the night before. 

Time had gone by without a response, not much but enough for the bubbling anxiety to turn into a boil. before you knew it the green circle indicating Ellie was active turned off. Did she really leave me on delivered? You scroll up to your previous messages, worrying you said something wrong, spelled something off, or made a complete idiot out of yourself. you couldn't find anything that you thought would've thrown Ellie off. 

you throw your phone to the side. landing on the cushion. you make your way upstairs and to the bathroom. you look in the mirror wiping leftover mascara off your eye lid, letting out a sigh. you decided it was about time to start your day. Grabbing your toothbrush and putting a glob of toothpaste.

you liked doing your makeup. It was something that Abby nagged you about. saying you'd leave it all over the place and it was a waste of money. There was just something so comforting about applying the powder to your cheeks and a pink gloss to your lips. you were sat on the bathroom counter carefully applying eyeliner to your lids where you could hear a slight ring. you hadn't noticed when it started but you decided to go looking for it. it led you downstairs where your met with your phone and 9 missed calls from Abby. you slap your hand onto your mouth realizing that you'd spent your whole morning getting ready without checking your phone. As Abby's contact was plastered on your screen the only thing you could think about was whether Ellie had responded. 

you pick up your phone hit the green answer button and before you can even get a word in Abby is saying something.

"Hello?? Where the fuck are you?" her tone is harsh, mean.

"I'm at home. why?" you ask. making your way back up to the bathroom.

"Well, obviously your not. who are you with?" She asks, clearing accusing you of something.

"Abby, I'm not with anyone-"

"what's distracting you from answering your damn phone then" she cuts you off.

"I was upstairs." you sigh"I left my phone 

downstairs"

"bullshit! I'm coming home If I find anything that you haven't been home or someone has been there I swear to go You're done!"

"Abby my makeup isn't even done why would I go any-" You're met with a screen saying "Call ended". you chose to ignore Abby's hostility and finish your makeup.

Right as you finish you get a notification. you roll your eyes assuming it's Abby but you're met with another notification from Instagram. 

Hey sorry for the late response, I was out making deliveries.

Delivery? What does that even mean?

Do you have any plans today? I was thinking about going out tonight.

Do you think you'd want to come? Just gunna be us and a few of my friends.

That sounds great. I'll have to see if I can go.

What do you mean you'll have to see if you can go? you don't have to ask Abby right? 

Well not exactly.  

You're an adult. you don't have to ask Abby if you can go places.

I know. it's not like that, I swear.

I mean like asking if she like to join. yk?

Seen. you sat on the screen, waiting for a response but it never came. weird. you just went back to finishing your nearly done makeup and resuming the playlist on your phone. brushing shades of purple on the lid of your eyes. smoothing out your base with your fingers.

 the sound of a car door slamming was your cue to come out of your makeup trance and shut down the music. you sat patiently as you waited for Abby to unlock the door and make her way up to you. you swear you could hear her huffing and puffing before she even got inside. and when she did finally make it to you, you could feel the anger fuming off of her. you still did not understand why on earth she would get so angry over something so silly. She stood in the door frame with a look on her face saying 'Well?'. did she really want you to start this long and upcoming conversation? when you didn't say anything she took talking into her own hands.

" You have anything to say?" she says throwing her hands up like a defensive child.

" Say about what Abby? " you turn back to the mirror, continuing your makeup.

" Are you fucking serious? Did you not listen to anything I said to you on the phone" she's leaning against the frame of the door. 

" Nobody was here Abby, And I haven't left." you turn to face her and the red shade her face once was seemed has doubled. and the look she had on her face, it gets stuck like that if she held it another second. 

" mh well see about that." she turns back into the room and starts opening doors, looking under the bed. practically tearing the room apart. you couldn't do anything but stand there and watch. she stood up from where she was kneeling and looking around, obviously frustrated with the lack of finding. "you're hiding something, I know it" she said with a finger in your face. and before she could beat you with more words her phone rings. she pulls it out of her pocket and you catch a glimpse of the contact name before she very obviously leans the phone out of your view.

Mel

 Mel was one of Abby's coworkers. you didn't know much about her, but you knew this was an odd time for her to be calling.

"I gotta go," Abby says practically running out of your shared room

"What? Is that all you're gunna stay after all of that?" you follow her.

she does respond and that goes till you both reach her car. "Abby?" you stop her from opening the car door. " what's going on baby?" you cup her face with your hands. a sentimental action but she didn't feel any of it. she wasn't even making eye contact. Your hand falls back down to your side and Abby takes that as an invitation to leave. she starts the car and pulls out of the driveway leaving you there. standing. you reach into your pocket pulling out your phone and open Instagram. 

I think I'm gunna join you guys tonight.

[pommunist]

So sorry for the random vent in your ask box Pommunist, but I just keep seeing peoples posts about saying goodbye to the fandom and while im so glad to see so many people had such positive experiences with interacting I myself didnt really see much of it. I dont know if its cause im just more of a lurker and so I wasnt really making friends and memories with people around the qsmp but I honestly saw an overwhelming amount of negativity and even negativity mascaraing as positivity. Being in this fandom did not teach me togetherness it only taught me just how cruel and mean people are. Over all I honestly dont feel like qsmp reached its goal to bring communities together if so much of the fandom is volatile and actively will attack fans, ccs, admins, just about anyone. There was so much zenaphobia both in the fandom and in the studio. Purgatory was so poorly put together the streamers were having live disagreements and fights (that they thankfully usually got sorted quickly but was still DEEPLY awkward to witness and many people would just leave, wait for the fight to get worked out and come back) and not to mention how angry the fandom was over EVERYTHING at the time. And all that was done ON PURPOUSE. How can we say the the QSMP reached its goal of brining communities together when that simply did not happen? People are still split up in "the Brazilan fans" "the French fans" "the English fans" ect. Like im sure SOME people feel like THEY got something out of it and thats great but dose that mean that OVERALL as a full whole that the QSMP did that? Id argue no.

I’m going to say something that I almost never say lmao but I think a lot of it isnt Qstudios fault.

A lot of it is tied to the nature of twitch stream in as a storytelling medium. Take a normal TV show, people will still find ways to argue all the time about which character is in the right, whether or not a plotline was good etc. And they’re all watching the exact same thing.

With twitch streaming, people have their favourite characters and everything they see is from their pov, which is biased by nature and ultimately lead to a lot of misunderstandings, especially when everything said goes through translation.

Now add to this the second thing which is that some people got into qsmp with zero interest for it and its goal. They were first and above all else a fan of their favourite ccs, and never had any intention to open their mind to anything more than that.

Meaning that for them, everything that was beneficial to their fav, they liked, and everything or everyone that wasn’t, they hated.

Purgatory was the perfect event to lethally mix these two together, which wasn’t helped by that it was a poorly thought out and poorly executed competition event with high stakes (or so we thought at least lol).

Then you also have the xenophobes/mysoginists/shitheads who will just throw hate based on discriminatory reasons or simply because they’re assholes. I’ve seen takes that genuinely had my jaw touching the floor, but that’s the thing when you merge communities, the bad ones come along everyone else sadly.

On top of that they also ruin the fun for other people which lead to some just wanting to stuck with the community they were already a part of before qsmp.

On the other hand, QSMP still allowed people to share parts of their cultures with each other, pick up and learn each other languages, make people who would have never met without it befriend each other.

Personally before it I had never watched English or Portuguese content on Twitch, and now do regularly. I didn’t know any of the streamers besides the French speakers, Fit (watched his vids) and Rubius (only bc he was against the french in the pixel war), and now I’ve discovered many amazing ccs.

I was able to discover and learn a lot about how people do things in other countries, met cool people that I would’ve never met. My opinion on this is probably partly biased due to the fact that the specific communities I’ve been active in are almost comically all peace and love but I’ve also seen a lot of shit, just chose to focus on what was good.

I think QSMP fandom is kind of like if you and a bunch of strangers from around the world were shoved together in a bar. Most people are going to talk and drink and have fun together, but some of these strangers are bond to be assholes who will talk loudly and look for a fight, making the night a bad experience for those who stood near them.

So yeah I think QSMP achieved its goal to an extent, and built bridges between communities but the experience was soured by some who either didn’t care about crossing that bridge or even tried to actively sabotage it.

[daenystheedreamer]

pls more abt viserys Omaegorverse I'm so fascinated it's insane and i honestly think grrm would b proud

im so happy u love it and this means so much but i do NOT think he would be proud 😭 he would read my posts (gun to his head ofc he wouldnt just. do that.) and sit in silence for a few minutes and then he would say. Maegor isnt gay what are you talking about. and i go well thats not really the point and anyway sexuality is kinda fluid and its more about opportunity and power than about sexual attraction although i will concede- and then he sends elio and linda with spears to hunt me down.

he's canonically a nothing character with personality of 'Beloved Of The Commons' n nothing else so i can kinda do whatever tf i want with him which is fun. he's also mostly there to be a sad wet cat that gets kicked by everyone and everyone he loves dies or is weird about him in some way. he's my special little sad uke twink i brutalise for my personal entertainment <3 im so maegorcoded so tyannacoded... anyway more about my babyboy viserys below<3 warning its SOOO long like fifteen fucking paragraphs Jesus christ

trigger warnings for like everything. incest death depression mental instability murder psychosis uhhh. torture and suicide. just all of it do NOT read unless youre like super certain you wanna read about my deviantart OCs because guys it is NOT worth it

childhood pre-Torture Labyrinth. he's born in 29 AC and was 8-ish when he was at the deathbed of Aegon1. aegon the uncrowned is three years older than him, and rhaena is six years older. jaehaerys is 5 years younger, alysanne is 7 years younger vaella who i kept alive is 10 years younger. just to give an idea of ages and general canon info :>

his only personality trait is Promising and Beloved of the commons. i think him and aegon were friends :) younger brother so he followed after him a lot. slightly scared of rhaena the big cool older sister who has a pet dragon. think his granddad is soooo cool doesnt really think about The Implications of conquest or anything. normal boy normal childhood (as normal as possible when ur siblings are married...) also he is gay because it adds to the horrors later on 🥰

something i think is Inchresting is the rhaena, aegon and viserys are named for rhaenys, aegon and visenya :3 i think viserys is like hercules right where he was named in an attempt to appease The Wife. aenys was like hiiiii auntie/stepmum visenya look i named a kid after you you dont wanna kill me right?right? and she looks at this kid who didnt claim a dragon isnt a girl isnt maegor and goes oh so youre insulting me huh.

i think rhaena aegon viserys had a slightly weird dynamic. rhaena the lesbian getting forcibly betrothed to her younger brother by her father is gonna make things weird, also aegon was 15 and rhaena 18 which adds just the best most awesome sauce to the mix. i think viserys had very complicated feelings on that especially if he is gay cos like... rhaena obviously does not love her brother romantically right. so u are a boy and ur sister is a lesbian but you dont have that word. and you are gay and your brother is cool and the crown prince and everyone is screwing their siblings and that makes your brain chemistry weird. and now your brother is marrying your gay sister. What about you. the dragon has three heads??? idk he's like 12 at this point he just goes back to playing hide and seek with jae+aly.

Uh oh daddy's dead. daddy's dead and uncle maegor is king now with his three wives. Uh oh. oh awesome he's kidnapped you and you're his squire now that's so cool. well its mostly a power play and hes not actually making u do anything as long as you stay locked in the red keep all day he leaves you alone. also maegor's insane girlfriend stares at you like you're a baby lamb that would make a delicious lamb tostada. but hey your big brother aegon has a dragon now and him and rhaena are gonna save you soon. Uh oh aegon's dead. aegon's dead and maegor is king for real for real.

everyone steers clear of you in the keep. you used to play with your siblings and the commoners and you used to play on dragonstone and kings landing and now no one wants to touch you. no one is calling you maegor's squire now, the pretence is gone. you are maegor's hostage. you fantasise about a different outcome, where maegor took you to the battle as his squire, and that you being there might have changed what happened. maybe you could have warned aegon. but you know nothing would have changed. youre not a dragonrider. you're worthless you're powerless. youre 14 years old :)

alys harroway is dead. maegor killed his wife. you knew alys, you saw her around the keep. she seemed very nice. she was very quiet and stayed in her rooms. she was always pregnant. you wonder why she married maegor, why she and tyanna are so strange with each other. you hear rumours. you wish you had talked to her. but she's dead now. maegor killed her. maegor tortured her. she's a whore now. you look out the window and see her rotting leg on a stake outside, her torso on another. you wish you had talked to her.

visenya targaryen the looming shadow over your life, the woman you're named after who looked at you with nothing but scorn, is dead. your mother is gone and she took jae and aly. what about you? what about you? is she not your mother too? are you not her little boy anymore? you are 15 years old. maegor killed alys' family when he was angry with her. is he going to kill you now?

ok second person pov over the gimmick is getting lame. anyway this is where the AU deviates: instead of viserys dying of torture, maegor is like hey maybe my nephew will be more fertile than my BITCH wives. and visenya the blood witch before her death compiled a bunch of old valyrian a/b/o fanfiction and said son if you ever find yourself with infertile wives. Consult These Texts. then tyanna and maegor made viserys mpreggable i dont care about how or like. what his body looks like. im not into the fetish of omegaverse LMAO i dont want to think about the fertilisation or birthing process or what organs he has thats unnecessary. only thing thats important is viserys can incubate babies and they are birthed via c-section :3

quick lore dump: vis is forced to maegor -> rhaena crashes the wedding but vis is so broken at this point he just doesnt want anyone else to die and has resigned himself to maegor so rhaena reluctantly surrenders -> alyssa jae and aly DO go to the red keep after they find out about the wedding and jae dies fighting maegor which makes viserys fully break -> alyssa now has husband dead 2 kids dead her son is queen and she also loses her fight :( lives on dragonstone with alive vaella -> alysanne is given to the faith -> rhaena agrees to a truce and she is hand of the king now and viserys' main protector -> vis gets pregnant and the kid is basically a reincarnation of jaehaerys -> tyanna loses her shit and tries to murder/sterilise/whatever viserys so maegor kills her cos he's finally got his babymaker -> vis has a daughter who's the reincarnation of tyanna -> faith uprising, shut down -> vis has his second daughter final child daenys who's birth is heralded by the martyrdom of poxy jeyne poor in the quashed faith uprising

vis is in the torture labyrinth for a couple decades. life sucks husband sucks everyone is weird about him. very death in venice people are weird about the boy type deal. has to wade through gender and sexuality politics of westeros which means several men going utterly insane about him including a couple kingsguard knights (celibate hypermasculine freaks bound to be insane sexually). one point early-ish on he DOES start believing this one kingsguard knight will save him from The Hells The Horrors but maegor finds out and kills that guy adn sexually humiliates viserys in front of the kingsguard and makes their son watch. So that fucks up vis' psyche for a while :3

rhaena and alysanne try to convince him to rebel and run away that they will use their dragons and fight. but maegor has made vis so paranoid and crazy he thinks maegor knows everything knows all his thoughts so he's terrified of plotting escape cos he thinks maegor will kill everyone. plus maegor made sure to force kids onto him early so that vis wouldnt be able to leave :3 world's most evil babytrap of all time.

vis doesnt interact with anyone except rhaena aly maegor his kids and the kingsguard so yeah its bad for him. ceryse hangs around for a while but shes like yeah i dont want any part of this shit dude being queen is NAWT worth it and she goes back to the hightower to plot marrying her niece off to maegor's son.

also there's a curse on the kingsguard all of them die really horribly and early. its a fun little thing for me personally because in f&b maegor's kinsguard is cartoonishly bad and jae's is cartoonishly perfect so i though Hey what if we did a little curse on the kingsguard ey. that would be fun. the only guy who stays long is a bracken because brackenfail cancels out knightfail. he's all godly and pissy about the gay marriage thing but he's also a monarchist so even though he think maegor is satan he's like well. he is my king i must serve him i obey my vows. he thinks viserys is a freak of nature but slowly grows to respect him and helps kill maegor + takes the fall for it. they have a weird father figure/white knight/weird tension thing that never gets consummated yay ^_^ the maegor torture labyrinth will have you 21 years old and best friends with a 50 year old celibate knight like dang where tf ser bracken at today 🥹

viserys snaps in 66AC with no like big catalyst or anything. he just has a good day where he's mostly lucid and he's angry and he's tired of everything and he's sick of maegor and he wants freedom he wants to be free. he wants to breath the air without panicking that maegor is going to hurt him. and maegor says some disgusting comment to him while theyre alone in the throne room and vis just snaps and start fighting him. daenys shows up cos she had her own Visions and Voices and they just start whaling on him. bracken knight helps too he takes most of maegor's counter attacks his organs are all over the floor but maegor dies impaled on the throne YAY

vis is like. A bit better for a while. his son is now king and vis is seeing that oh it doesnt get better does it people will still die. also his son jae has this weird oedipus complex about him thanks to maegor's insane parenting and viserys is fully aware of that so its not fun times for him. jae and daenys try to make him better try to invent therapy but its the middle ages they dont have that yet. they finally send him off to harrenhal (BAD IDEA) because they think viserra (the elder daughter btw, the tyanna one) might be able to cure him with her weird witchcraft. they think she's insane too but its the last option... viserra thinks vis is lame and weak but she does love him in ehr own way or maybe just pities him. anyway she does her best and it works for a while but viserys sorta gives up cos the depression is too much. and viserra believes in euthanasia as a mercy and thinks this is best for him this will let him be at peace. daenys has a premonition about it and tries to stop him. she has a big blowout fight with jae about it too and curses his bloodline and prophesises the long night. burned the red keep a little bit, you know how it is.

blah blah blah anyway daenys and vis end up dying in the gods eye together in a murder/suicide suicide/suicide murder/murder whatever. viserra has the lake dragged and they're found holding each other like a mother and her fetus :3

Fucks sake this post is long. holy shit holy fuck. my fucking bad guys my bad im so sorry. Holy shit. anyway thats my deviant art oc tee hee ^_^

[hollyhomburg]

LI!‼️‼️ OMG

This chapter has made me gobsmacked!!!!

Like it was so well written!! And idk,, but the way your write the shower part just makes it so easy to imagine. Like the whole thing is so easy to picture and understand.

AND POOR MC FINDING THAT IN HER /EAR/ !! I would've thrown up just like tae tbh. I also thought she was partially deaf in that ear when she was saying she couldn't hear properly-

The whole part from mc in the closet calling moonbyul wasn't that shocking to me? tbh I was kind of expecting it? Because when she shushed Namjoon in the bathroom I know she didnt do it because he believed what he was saying. Maybe it's because I have a slightly similar mindset to the mc when it comes to things like this (taking responsibility when things go wrong) but I just knew she was gonna try and do something.

And just because I'm a dumb bunny😓 I did NOT see hobi's secret coming AT ALL so I am more shocked now than ever before. Idk why but hobi's secret out of everyones is the most shocking to me for some reason. Maybe it's coz I was like already shocked and like thinking about everything else in the chapter? But it really has shocked me beyond anything else.

BUT NOW i'm just questioning moonbyul!! Like?? I thought she was an alpha?? or am I just stupid and remember wrong?? Or did hobi not realise? Or did she hide it from him?? Like I'm so confused!! Even when describing the scents ,, didn't the mc describe them once?? and didn't she describe them like really putrid or something?? or was it just because she was in a situation she didn't want to be in? OR AM I REMEMBERING WRONG AGAIN?! if i am i apologise 😓

but this whole chapter really was an EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER!! It literally had me going 'what the heck??' and 'hold on- wait?!' like over and over and over!! You did so well Li!! Good job and thanks for writing such an amazing chapter!! Can't wait for the next one!!

Stay safe and healthy 🫶

(also I asked to be an anon before but forgot which one so can I please be ☁️ anon?)

Ahhhh thank you for sending such a cute ask <3 I’ve been so distracted the last few days I haven’t even gotten to all of these!!

I think one of the reasons why it’s easy for people to picture bily is because I also see it super cinematically- and most of the writing process for me is just continually asking “what could I add to make this feel more real? What am I pictureing that I’m not saying?” there was this tictok trend talking about the minds eye and how some people see nothing when they imagine and other people see everything…I’m pretty sure I’m one of the very few 4k, smell, touch, sound, level imaginers out there lol

Yes! You’re right in assuming that this is the m/c trying to take responsibility for the situation! Because it was her reliance on Moonbyul in the past that made the pack get into this situation in the first place! It’s character growth and I’m very proud of her 🥰

You’re not a dumb bunny! I was trying to toe the line between it being a complete surprise and having people figure it out! The fact that it seems to be a dead even split of people who didn’t know and did means I’m learning! And that I did it alright!

As for your questions- I did a little breakdown post of a it a while back but! Basically Moonbyul didn’t have to hide anything from Hobi at the time- because she wasn’t taking the drugs to turn her scent into an alpha’s scent. The scene you’re thinking of with the m/c- she describes their scents that way because Moonbyul is on the edge of needing another dose and her omegan scent it starting to peak through. It’s all chemically because of the drugs which is why the m/c doesn’t like it.

I’m so happy you enjoyed it!! I’m already about 3.5k into the next chapter- I know it will need tons of editing but I feel like this is the first chapter that’s come easy to me in a good long while <3

[coldheartsbreakboys]

ill start this by saying i understand @its-actually-minicika said the matter with @blackdreamspeaks is over and done but i literally cant let go of some things she said.

((also english is my second language so im sorry if i make mistakes 🤡 i will put this under the cut but i really think people should read this))

here is the problem. she said that she, takes the blame for what happened but she posts this after not even a full day of calling out that she did something wrong

there are no multiple sides to this story girl like none at all. it is literally the fact that you took content from mini/mina without credit and after you apologised you didnt even own it uppp. you said it was a coincidence and that you maybe took inspiration from her from the unconcious which is such a dumb excuse.

yesterday i sent you an ask with screenshots of compared writing from mini that she posted 2 months ago and stuff you posted 2 days ago. and it was clear you took the sentence from her without even an edit. you also used the same insult she used with hw aemond for your aemond. which is again really shitty and so clear because only she uses it.

i didnt compare everything you wrote in your update to hw because it is very long and i think that even those two things are enough to prove this point. it is not fair that you took from mini but then not even apologise in truth. you cant say this was a coincidence. you cant say this isnt done with intent. she is a very nice person and she deserves a real apology where you actually say that, yes you copied from her but that you re very sorry.

i waited for you to at least answer my ask if you were actually sorry and assuming your blame. because i wanted to give you the benefit of doubt and let you prepare your answer. sadly you never replied but i still have the screenshots even after your edit.

>

so this one is yours.

>

and this one is from minis series.

there was also the insult as i said but i didnt take screenshots of it before you edited. but the insult was 'whithered cunt' which mini wrote in the first part of hw and that was a long time ago.

you guys can cancel me if you want and whatever i honestly dont care because i am a small blog and i tbh dont even post. threaten to doxx or send me mean dms I fr dont careee

this is a post that i made for both mini and me because she deserves a real apology and you didnt give her that and also because i am honestly very angry. i think most people also dont know what happened because you never released the screenshots in my ask and you never actually said what you took from mini. because yes!!! you took from mini. there are no sides to this. there is the right side and that is mini. you play the victim too much and that is not okay. you are 21 and you should know better.

i end this by saying i understand you talked to mini and you say she is okay with everything now. she didnt say anything to any of her followers to do. she actually told me and someone else to not bother anymore with this drama. but i am bothered. and you are very frustrating. what you did is not okay at all

so girl bffr and take the blame. it isnt that hard. i might be back to edit this or to add stuff i think is important but these are the most important things that i can think of right now. i will post with the tags for hotd because people need to see this and i don't have many followers.

[moliathh]

About Alucard calling Integra Count as an equal, there is a post about that:

https://www.tumblr.com/goblins-riddles-or-frocks/754469568832028672/to-be-fair-it-looks-like-theyre-just-directly?source=share

Oh thank you for sharing the post!

I personally think whether it was Count or Countess, the meaning does not change. How does changing the gender of a title change the validity. Integra holds "Sir" title (which I think, is a translator thing, she used "卿" not "サー", I don't know Japanese, this was brought up in this post, if someone have something to talk about it please inform me) and she still holds all the authority and validity that comes with the title.

Not to mention, Pip used "Mon cher" with Seras (In the English dub). I do not speak French, but according to Quora, and another friend of mine mentioned to me, "Mon cher" is to address a male acquaintance, while to addressing a female acquaintance, "Ma chère". But it does not change the context of it. Pip does love Seras, not just as a comrade but as a romantic partner. Can't two counts love each other anymore what are we homophobic???

And I want to add a detail because i didnt see much people mentioning this. Firstly, I could not for the life of me find any record not a transcript nor video footage of the interview. But I had been looking through a discussion on Wikipedia (yes it is not a reliable source but what else do we have)

This page had discussions about a statement the author had made about the relationship of Alucard and Integra.

There are two points that I collected from this that would be relevant to the topic.

First point, I will assume it was made by someone who did not ship or like Alucard x Integra, so it is guaranteed that this isnt a biased statement:

Ok, This is Demon Rin here (I was mentioned below) what was said at the Panel was, and I am NOT going with "My" Translation on this, this is also what the Official Translator Said. the Fan Asked what kind of relationship they had, and he said "Master and Servant", that was it, he said no more. the Translator translated it as such. Then, the room went silent. Nobody Said ANYTHING, and then he added as a joke "But I guess Twisted relationships like that can be allowed" to get a laugh out of the audience, and Again, that is EXACTLY what the translator said. NOTHING was aid about love, it was "But I guess Twisted relationships like that can be allowed". It was simply reworded by AxI fans who WANTED it to be love, so they just kinda heard it how they wanted to.

This statement had been argued against by another user, right under it, but before going to it, let's talk about what Hirano had said according to the first user's words. "But I guess Twisted relationships like that can be allowed". We have to look at things in a context, we cannot just nitpick that it is "relationship" not "love" so it isnt romantic aligned? Especially when the ENTIRE sentence was THAT.

Let's remove the "Twisted relationships/love" thing

"I guess it can be allowed".

What does that sound like? If a relationship is purely professional and platonic? Like the relationship between Integra and Seras? Would it ever be put into questions whether it was "allowed" or not? And if we think it is "forbidden" because it was an alliance between a vampire and a hunter, it is clearly not? Integra and Seras's relationship of mutual respect and trust and allyship of the two were never questioned of its validity. The Queen herself did not express opposition against Hellsing's allyship with vampires, and the Knights aren't visibly against it neither. The idea that vampires and hunters cannot be allies is an opinion, not a fact, especially in the setting of Hellsing. So, if not the allyship? Then what? What is the forbidden aspect of their relationship ??? That was never brought to question between them and any other characters??? GUESS

Even if you removed the (presumably) undefined factor that is the exact word Hirano had used to refer to ("relationship" or "love"), the insinuation is STILL THERE. But that is in the context of this discussion as I have not seen the interview myself so this is all based on assumption from the information pieces that I've collected. I could be entirely wrong. I honestly don't know which informations in this discussion is real. Everyone seems to have their own point, as well as I does, but take my opinions with a grain of salt. I am even more unreliable than the users in the discussion as I have not been there nor have i seen the interview.

The second point, which in my opinion isnt as strong as the first point, because one, I haven't heard of this information from anywhere except this discussion, and while I have not seen anyone debunking it yet, I have to repeat again that I DID NOT see the interview, all of what im mentioning here are collected from the discussion alone, which couldve been different from the interview. And two, I said it is not as strong because the user who brought this up seems to be in support of Alucard x Integra. I do not think your shipping preference will always affect your perception, but a pro-Alutegra information from a hater is definitely 100% valid, while a pro-Alutegra info from a shipper MIGHT not hold the same percentage of validity. Again, I am not implying that anyone is lying, but just keep the mindset that a statement might be affected by the speaker's bias, intentionally or not:

Funny enough because that girl who asked was in the BOH forums briefly and told a different story that Hirano had assured her in the signing after that there could be "something going on" between them.

If anyone had more informations on that information, confirmation or debunking it please please share I appreciate it very much and thank you in advance and thank you everyone for coming to my ted yap.

[leminhthinking]

"add something, if youd like" ok, here is something i used a throwaway account to comment on the Double MV. i didnt reread so i didnt remember anything about it sorry but there probably is mention about internalized ableism. also personal experience. its kinda shaped like a rant

posting it here now that i came out about being plural here. yeah.

tldr (theres another tldr at the end of it but it was from the time i commented and i want to add something else here) i love representations

I keep finding myself wanting to comment something under this video, but I know I'll say stuffs about myself that I feel would be unsafe to share using my main so I'm using this throwaway account to do it instead 😔

I just want to say that I'm so grateful that Mikoto and John (and maybe other alters in their system too? saying this just in case) were ever written. Being a system who had just discovered that only over a year ago, I can almost see myself, no, I can almost see *us* in every part of their story up until now. And in a way, I feel like I've also... grown with them? If that makes sense?

I have been following MILGRAM for quite a while, enough to be there when MeMe was just released. Back then, I still thought that I was certainly a singlet (didn't have DID), despite how one of my alters - I will refer to her as my sister from now - showed up pretty regularly at the time. That's why when I watched MeMe, I remember thinking to myself, "oh shit, this guy's just like me, and because [insert internalized ableism here] I'm saying he guilty then." But then we all know what's got confirmed 😂 Funniest thing is, a short while before that, I also came to term about being a system. Dammit, to think about it, it felt like a second confirmation 😭😭😭😭

Now that I have accepted who we really are, the release of Double and their second voice drama feels exceptionally special to me, as the host of our system. John and Mikoto's situation right now really reminds me of us last year. My sister and I specifically, respectively. At that time, I tried hard to deny the fact that I am not alone in my head, and that we are entirely separate people. It took me a while (with a few tarot spreads. fuck. I'm a Mikoto kinnie now) to know that we actually are... and some actual, honest conversations to know that she actually loved me, rather than wanting to harm me... Yeah. Yeah. You see what I'm talking about? That's why I'm really rooting for Mikoto and John to have better communication... Ah, maybe if Mikoto watched "his" own second trial MV, he would understand...

That being said, I'm still not sure on what to vote... When I first watched Double and listened to the second voice drama, I thought to myself, ouch, ok, guilty because John clearly seems to be the alter who knows more right now and that would keep him fronting more to interrogate. But after a while, my opinion... changed? I don't want Mikoto to be affected too much from the verdict and maybe going dormant because of that. John maybe still there for the interrogation but fuck, I don't think he's ever been without Mikoto for a long time and I'd hate to see his heart breaks. Maybe innocent is the better solution after all for the whole system, as it might soothe Mikoto's mood and his mindset. I also trust that MILGRAM's writer team know what they are doing and therefore would not "kill off" John. Maybe they will just let him be inactive for a while if they are voted innocent, given that he's finally satisfied with our decision...

(Yes, I do know innocent = forgiven and guilty = not forgiven and I'm deciding while knowing that. I'm just calling them innocent and guilty because I'm more used to it while speaking in English.)

Hmm, that was a longer rant than I expected. I don't know how to conclude really, so I'll say something that would sound entirely unrelated 😔 If I remember correctly, prisoners can hear us audiences right? If that's really true, I just want to scream to Mikoto and John that it's 100% ok to be a system! To not be alone inside your mind! To exist alongside another person in your system and love them! It's ok to just be yourselves! And please please please fucking find a way to communicate with each other!!!

Once again, thank you MILGRAM for letting them exist... I really hold them so dearly in our heart...

TL;DR: local system getting emotional over Mikoto and John, rooting for them to have better communication.