#also not to claim homophobia or whatever but you know they would have never done this if they were a straight couple

[butch-reidentified]

Your lack of self awareness about your own "dysphoria" is causing you to justify an extremely antifeminist industry and those profiting from selling marginalized women self-destruction. You have all the expected comorbidities (OCD/anorexia/body dysmorphia plus unresolved trauma from extreme homophobia) of someone in your position, shared with most female people who seek this surgery, and not someone with an implausible, never validated neurological disorder that coincidentally happens to map precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body. Your "resolution" of symptoms is dependent on defending your decision and not the actual reality of the results. Your comorbid issues (especially OCD, which your wife is enabling) are obviously still raging through your life no matter what you say. It is a direct insult to every woman who feels violated by what happened to them to claim that not only are you one of the only people on the planet to truly need this surgery but that you read their stories of profoundly woman-hating trauma to convince yourself that you were a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate. P.S. I would "pull up" but I have a job instead of whatever grift you run. Good luck and hope you figure this out before too many other women see you as a role model.

LMAO this is so so amazing thank you. when I tell you this reads like TRA arguments... straight up making things up, projecting, absurdity, and ad hominem bs. delightful!

long post incoming but I am gonna break this down on a micro level bc I haven't talked about these topics in a minute + I'm high and it seems like fun, like a satisfying puzzle, kind of, to break this down into individual parts and address each part. Plus, asks like this provide opportunities to really dive into nuance and detail on several of one's ideas, experiences, and worldviews all in one place, which I've always enjoyed.

I am gonna preface by saying several parts of this are blatantly bad faith, and I am answering more for others to read than for anon. In particular, the claim that I said I am one of the few people who "truly NEED" this surgery. Given you clearly read at least some of my posts on dysphoria, certainly you saw that I repeatedly emphasized that I never have or will view this as a "need." It's also worth noting that most of my posts on this were written quite some time ago, and I don't remember everything I ever wrote on the topic off the top of my head, but I 150% do know myself and what thoughts and feelings I've had and which I've not had on the matter.

ok so first off, I have literally not ever ever even once encouraged anyone to pursue a single elective surgery & have very consistently done the opposite. just because I feel chill about my surgery personally does not mean that I support that industry, actually. in fact, if i knew everything i know about that industry now, I would not get the surgery... but that's a matter of choosing to boycott the industry, not a matter of how i feel personally about my individual experience. how I feel has literally nothing to do with my opinions/beliefs/values. I dont choose how I feel, but I fully choose my moral code.

in fact, my honesty about my story is not supporting that industry in a single way - it simply is not lying. people like you would have me lie to further a narrative rather than be genuine and candid, which puts us on the level with TRAs since that is precisely what they do. it comes down to this: you are asking me to either be silent about (lie by omission) or knowingly misrepresent (outright lie) my experiences because you lack the capacity for nuance to fit them into your narrative without harming the integrity of said narrative. But I don't under any circumstances do that, regardless of whether or not I agree with said narrative (and in this case, I very much do agree). If you cannot work the nuances of my lived experiences into your narrative about gender ideology and transition without it threatening the narrative that's on you; it's entirely possible to do. I'm not going to lie or censor myself just because you're limited in that way.

to be clear, my theory about neurological sex dysphoria is not "implausible;" it is also not something I'm insisting definitely is correct, or I would not call it a theory. And do you even have the qualifications to rule it such, knowing that I am a published neuro/neuropsych researcher (though now retired from that field because I recently found my truest passion)? However, it is not based on absolutely nothing. This answer is already waaay too long, bad habit of mine, but my #ntsd tag includes some posts that elaborate on this. The only thing I am going to specifically say on this matter is that having a processing disconnect (which has literally been visialized on fMRI) that caused my breasts to physically feel like a prosthetic attachment... is not "coincidentally mapping precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body." This assertion doesn't even make sense in the context of everything I've said previously. I have never believed in the "body mapping" theory of dysphoria that you clearly are referring to by "mapping... onto the female body."

Additionally, I am not sure how you see logic in making this claim when misogynistic ideas of the female body are not known for being devoid of breasts. As I've said in practically every single post on this topic that I've made, I never went through a period of actually wanting to reject womanhood, be perceived socially as not-a-woman, or believing that womanhood and femininity were synonymous. That simply was not my motivation, and as I've said before, pain from chronic cysts was a large part of my decision. Lots of women on here have spoken about how they never went through those period either, yet I'm the only one I've seen get shit for it & get accused of thinking I'm better than other women for it. I never claimed or remotely implied that, and it has never in my life so much as occurred to me as even a hypothetical concept to feel superior about something like that. The only difference between me and most of the women on here who never went through those periods is that I had an elective mastectomy - but I did so while still entirely secure and at peace in my womanhood. Whether you find my truthful experience to be inconvenient or hurtful is entirely on you, not my responsibility to bury my own feelings and my own story for your comfort.

My lack of regret is not remotely "dependent on defending my decision." This is another statement that you would never make in a million years if you'd ever had one single irl conversation with me. I have no hesitation about admitting when I'm wrong. I do it /all/ the time. I don't have a pride issue, so "defending my decisions" is not something that matters to me. Again, you are projecting and you are assigning qualities to me without even the most basic knowledge of me as a person. I have not to date had a single human being on here miss quite this hard in an attempt to come at me. There's a lot about me, like anyone, that's ripe for completely justifiable criticism, and you've somehow managed to select some of the least applicable few assertions about me that you could find. Fact of the matter is I'm not prone to regret in the first place, and even factoring the dysphoria thing out of the conversation entirely, I genuinely like not having the inconvenience of large breasts and not having the pain of constant cysts, which i would still have if I'd gotten a reduction rather than mastectomy.

furthermore, you are making wildly unfounded claims. "lack of self awareness" lmfao this is pure gold. the people that hate me most in the entire world would laugh out loud if you tried to say that about me in front of them. I have plenty of flaws, plenty of areas I need to improve, but self-awareness is not one of those, not something I have ever in my entire life before this ask had a single soul give me constructive feedback about. so thanks for the novel experience, ig 🤷

I literally do not have a single one of the mental health issues you're claiming I do, nor do I have any unhealed trauma at all (and have not in a long time), as I've spoken about in-depth more than once, especially since my first ever Neuropsych research publication was on PTSD and I previously worked as a trauma therapist for patients with comorbid substance use disorders. I have a number of genetic physical health conditions, but my mental health is honestly excellent. Not to say I've just been totally cheerful my entire life, but at this point in my life, I have been healed long enough that it's almost surreal to look back on a time when I wasn't, and I am deeply happy with my career, my marriage, my relationships with my family and friends, my home and my pets, my hobbies... all of it. And I'm incredibly excited for the plans my wife and I have for our future.

The body dysmorphia claim is especially funny to me because one literally cannot possibly be any more neutral and at ease in their relationship with their body than this. I have said it several times on here, but I place as much value on my appearance now as I did when I was 4. Pretty much the only time I consider my appearance at all is to make sure I look professional and sharp for something like a business meeting. I talk about true body neutrality being attainable fairly often specifically because I've experienced it firsthand, so I know it can be done. I have a strict rule against speaking on shit I don't actually know.

but if you think that by reading my tumblr blog, you know my mind better than I do and better than medical professionals, that's just blatantly delusional and peak chronically online behavior. ESPECIALLY as someone who does not know me in any capacity. the audacity to make claims about not only me but also my WIFE, who you know nearly nothing about and does not even use this site.... it's genuinely mind-boggling for you to be running your mouth about some "lack of self awareness" shit given the content and tone of this ask.

same thing with you deciding you are able to speak for "every woman who feels violated by what happened to them." that is lack of self awareness and it is projection. your assertion that I read those women's painful stories of woman-hating trauma before having my surgery "to convince myself that I was a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate" is SUCH bullshit even you have to know you're lying. that comment is so bad faith it's a bit impressive, but mostly just disgusting on your part. I read detrans stories freely shared by both sexes on public platforms, with the specific intention of canceling my planned surgery the second I encountered one single thing I might have in common with those stories in terms of motivation to get the surgery. There is such a massive difference between trying to learn from others' mistakes and using others' trauma to validate your choices. You are lying if you try to act like I wasn't very clear about which one I did. I waited 5 or 6 years from when I learned that this surgery was even a thing to move forward. I waited until my prefrontal cortex was "done cooking" as the internet likes to say. I pursued multiple other treatment options, not one of which was "gender affirming" bc I did not buy into gender ideology back then, either. And I educated myself on the experiences of those who regretted it with the purpose of minimizing my risk of regret by NOT moving forward if I found that I related to any of the motivations that led them to pursue surgery and ultimately regret it. I was not blindly stubbornly committed to surgery; I was always very much open to canceling if it felt right. Yes, having chosen that process of literally informing myself DID make me uniquely informed... that doesn't mean i'm better than anyone else, though. it's just the reality of putting a half decade of work and analysis and thought into a decision that absolutely nobody pressured me into, compared to the pretty common experience of being misled by trans ideology and/or rushing into this surgery. I am very much aware that I'm not special or superior just because I am flat out lucky enough to have not had anyone trying to manipulate, mislead, rush, or pressure me to get surgery, and insanely lucky to have not had pain or complications from it. And yes, despite my unconventional path to surgery, I also know I am very lucky to not regret it. All the more reasons I don't promote it.

you have constructed an image of me, my wife, and my daily life in your mind based on reading my blog and absolutely nothing more than that. even if you are engaging negatively with that image, criticizing it/me, etc., this is a parasocial engagement by definition.

The above is exactly what you have done. Parasocial interactions don't have to be positive. You are deluding yourself if you truly, genuinely believe you have the remotest understanding of who I am or how I live.

out of curiosity, did you intentionally fail to mention that I had medical reasons for my mastectomy in addition to dysphoria? or did you just conveniently forget about that despite how frequently I've talked about it?

as an afterthought: the implication that unlike you, I don't have a job is fucking golden given that you've clearly been reading a LOT of my posts and I don't believe for one second that you simply missed all the posts where I've talked about the fact that we bought our own home at 24, the fact that my wife and I own our own business, and the extra shit I do just because. but if you like, we can compare our records of how much time per day and week spent on social media 💀

thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️

[sunspira]

i often feel like the male socialization claim against trans women is bullshit but also has some "passing privilege" discourse aspects to it to unpack. and yet the specific damage and suffering of someone forced to pass and hide is sometimes HARDER to put into words and eats her from the inside out more insidiously and with less support systems for it or even Words for it just having words for misogyny can help us cope with the oppression be heard and validated and fight it when when youre a cis woman and have always be sure and assured that you are. that's why so many trans women are facing material oppression like poverty and mental illness (like actual mental illness caused by lifelong pain and trauma not the transphobic idea). tho even then there are such insidious, invisible aspects of misogyny that all women even we as cis girls are still trying to identify unpack and uplift each other out of so it's still a concern that runs deep. for me a lack of girls in stem is still so insidious and i would even give priority to helping more cis girls into stem because that pipeline to arts and humanities (and domestication) vs stem is pushed on kids and adolescents more subtly than the more obvious blantant misogyny. they don't outright say "oh you look like a boy to me you should work on computers" it comes in the form of subtle praise for one academic or life skill and subtle discouragement for another academic or life skill from adults who assigned your gender. so we say ya ok cool :) they're so proud of me :) not even cis women have put good words to it yet or figured out a good fight for it so we aren't really better off than trans girls in this aspect as we are on like more well established fights like autonomy in reproductive health or the right to vote or work

the passing privilege discourse thing to me isvery similar to a white passing person of color or a person with an invisible illness or disability or a gay guy who has a traditionally masculine personality. like a fem gay guy who was considered obviously gay since birth have problems that people who can kinda hide it don't and their childhood homophobia experiences were so different. tho still homophobia. but the people who can hide it are also forced to hide it, even from themselves!!?!. trans girls in childhood aren't visible girls until they come out. being closeted isn't a privilege but we know that invisibility vs hyper visibility are different kinds of pain that don't really counteract each other. also to be clear it's the aspect of being a GIRL that is invisible. often a trans girl is very visibly marginalized for not conforming to whatever a boy ks supposed to be. tho feminine boys and girls still have different experiences under misogyny where someone seen as a feminine boy is the indirect target. and how horrific that must be to homophobically / patriachically marginalized for not being the right kind of boy and on top of that like IM NOT EVEN A BOY LEAVE ME ALONE. it must be hell. it's not supposed to be about how easy it was for trans girls for fucks sake that's so deluded or that trans girls had the same experiences as cis het boys. it is usually just helpful to look at like opportunities and protections afforded to you by not being a visible girl like Mulan being encouraged and taken more seriously as Ping stuff like that is actually very healing to go over in your mind and process.

for me it was the dichotomy of having a serious but invisible childhood neurological disorder or difference but never being diagnosed until late in life early adulthood because i had atypical symptoms and was good in school. and i can't tell you how important it is formatively to be good in school and be able to blend in well enough to not get called out of class for extra help and not get bullied. but also the lack of help and slow invisible descent into madness and detachment from myself and denial of my own emotions and stressors and detachment from my soul while 24/7 masking and confusion every time i felt differently from what was expected like averse and avoidant and anxious or overwhelmed over "abnormal" things, or struggled with something that should be easy for "someone like me", i would just self gaslight and self deny and self blame. culminating in complete and total nervous mental breakdown at like 21 and at least a decade of recovery. with all that of COURSE i am sometimes gripped by envy of people who were diagnosed as young children as intended and spent their whole life knowing the most simple neurodivergent stuff about themselves like sensory overload because without that label when experiencing sensory overload i'm telling you it just seems like random bipolar mood swings, no wonder they put me on lithium. it was hell. and yet when i look at neurdivergent people who are so much more openly and obviously impaired than me and that increased NEED and severity is part of the reason they were dx'd in the first place, who are forced into abusive aba therapy and go nonverbal and want a relationship but struggle to connect with people irl or even go out or be allowed to go out. well i would never pretend like i have it harder in that regard even tho the experience of being undiagnosed were awful. not the cleanest comparison tho but

that hypervisibility vs invisibility thing. and the ramifications of being abused or controlled and silenced for a visible marginalization vs the life long debilitating scars and damage done by suppressed repressed and gaslighted marginalization is how i look at cis girls childhoods vs trans girls childhoods. cis hypervisible girlhood vs trans invisible girlhood. is this anything

[kipskiptrip]

It's kind of insane how a rich, white woman would gain this much of a following to veil blatant racism in the name of feminism.

The amount of people who would mask bigotry (ex., this shitshow, TERF bullshit, etc.) as a wave of giving women power fail to understand women's existence beyond the Eurocentric, normative comprehension.

This type of argument of attacking other groups in sake of "feminism" is so often used against minorities, particularly BIPOC, queer, and disabled women. I have never seen something so vile as to demonizing a Hispanic creator for expressing his life, particularly his sex life and worth (which, might I add, he has a right to sing about whatever he wants, but we'll get more onto that later), becoming more popular than an ethnically white multi-centimillionaire. (Continued under cut)

It doesn't matter what parasocial safe spaces she may have provided for you, Taylor Swift is a white, cishet woman. By cutting off a group of people for simply being hispanic, doesn't matter what this person could have done, you are 100% the asshole, and shame on you.

Would you have cut off disabled people if the artist was disabled? Trans? How about if this artist was a gay man, and only sang about how rich and gay he is? Would you have prevented your friends from talking to anyone who is Black, Indigenous, Arab, Jewish, if the artist was any of those? The amount of demonization ethnic minorities get for simply not "meeting the norm" and restricting themselves to the appropriate Christian Eurocentric topic is immense, and quite frankly one of the reasons we have bigotry rampant here in the first place. (Tying BIPOC to being dangerous and evil, Queer people to being sex offenders, disabled people to freakshows who can't take care of themselves, etc.)

You are restricting your friends from speaking to their Hispanic friends in the name of a music artist coming into power is the most disgusting thing I have heard in a while, and a prime example of how a group can be easily ostracized in favor of another. Favoring white women over Hispanic men, what about Hispanic women? What about your friends' friends who are Hispanic women who listen to TS as well? Are they supposed to be kicked out of a community for their culture? Their ethnicity? Again, prime example of Eurocentrism and how easily groups can be ostracized in the name of another. White feminism veils racism over female rights, while failing to accept women of other backgrounds other than the typical WASP one.

What is the root of your disgust for the other artist in the first place anyway? You can dislike him, sure, but by throwing away and spoiling his following for only singing about sex, meanwhile TS also sings about sex, claiming it in a name of feminism? Sexual expression and freedom has always been a matter of feminism! Flappers are a prime example of this (won't be explaining why, go search it up! It's interesting and one of my favorite parts of AP U.S. History)

You want to know where else a group of people were put down for being overly-sexual? The queer community we are both in!!! The same queer community your favorite artist claims to help you find.

The reason why transphobia and homophobia is so rampant today is because people tied being queer automatically to being dangerous and over-sexual, meanwhile sexual expression is a huge part of our history, and still holds up a great amount of our community. By admitting sexual expression as vile and unorthodox, you can target a singular group of people known for such. This happened to us, and it happens to Hispanics as well.

I have a feeling I know exactly which artist you're talking about (even if I don't, I'm still going to use him as an example), and while I also don't favor him, I can tell you how he mixes and sings also ties into his culture. He sings in Spanish because he isn't ashamed of doing so. He incorporates bachata into his work because that's part of his history and culture. And while I'm not a fan, I appreciate how he is taking his culture (and mine too) and putting it out there without shame!

Putting him down and other Hispanics too (which also, depending where you're from, you have different cultures and beliefs, so you're generalizing an entire, extremely diverse population to one culture) for singing about such is stripping Hispanics of their culture and their right to be in the music industry and express themselves. And btw, Taylor Swift is still #1 Artist on Spotify! While he and Miley Cyrus are #1 Album and #1 Song respectively, Taylor is still Top Artist! (Source at the bottom)

All-in-all, you are targeting a group of people for something they have no responsibility for, and letting racism slide as a means to expand (white) women's rights. I hope you can change your view on how you see how your actions ultimately reflect that, and build a safer world for people to exist and express themselves in.

https://www.wecb.fm/taylor-swift-bad-bunny-and-miley-cyrus-at-the-top-on-spotify/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20Taylor%20Swift,1%20album%20and%20song%2C%20respectively.

was I the asshole for telling my followers to sabotage a hispanic artist?

(13 <– to find this)

this happened awhile back but I'm remorseful and I want to know if I was the asshole or if I'm just overthinking.

I (24NB) had a pretty big TS fan account on twitter (I said "had" bc I'm no longer active). her music saved me from suicidal ideation, helped me get rid of my anxiety, and overall it was always very comforting to me. her music accepted me for being non-binary when most of my irl friends didn't. I felt like I belonged.

in recent years a certain hispanic artist started to get famous and well known and tbh I don't know how or why, all he sings about is his dating life, his sex life, how much money he has... unlike TS who crafts feminist masterpieces. this guys music wasn't my cup of tea and I realized he already had more views than her on youtube and he was the number one artist on spotify for a few years so um. I was honestly VERY angry that taylor's hard work was gonna go to waste again because of a man. so long story short I told my followers to sabotage this hispanic artist and also encouraged them to stay away from/talk less to their hispanic friends for awhile. as far as I know most of them agreed with me.

my wake up call was being accused of being a set up account (a set up is an account made by someone who is not from a fandom pretending to be in order to make said fandom look bad) after that post of mine was shared on reddit even though they censored the @. since that day I stopped being active on that account, tbh because I was ashamed of myself. I feel like an asshole but my closest friends from within the fandom constantly tell me a real fan is not ashamed to show love and support and that what I did was genius. so the worst part is despite being remorseful I still somehow feel like I'm failing her and the fandom.

was I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[sortanonymous]

Set this to clown music... and I mean this man in general. (aka Toxic Pea is the worst Kirby YouTuber)

TW: Discussion involving a bigot, primarily around transphobia (and I mean as soon as the first picture), not to mention many other grim topics.

Look, as big a guilty pleasure as hearing of internet squabbling can be, I never wanted to be the one to actually discuss it myself. But I feel like I just needed to get this one out of my system sooner than later.

So in case you didn't know, Toxic Pea is a Kirby YouTuber who uploads tons of memes and lyrical covers of Kirby songs (never liked the idea of those videos btw). He was quite popular until it was revealed in January of this year that he had said the N-word multiple times on Discord even as he was told that it was a horrible thing to say, not to mention tons of other signs of him being a bigot with, at best, practically no respect for LGBTQ+ people, like for example prefacing videos alluding to gay ships by saying that he hates "gender ideology". Also he keeps making weirdly risque and gross jokes over Elfilin, which combined with his other actions somehow does the impossible in making me hate Elfilin even more. The list goes on, but believe me when I say I am far from the first person aware of this nor the one most affected by it, even if the big well-done thread that outed him has since vanished. I admit that I never really saw all of that coming, but honestly I briefly had bad vibes about him way back last spring when, in the wake of the tragedy in Uvadale, he made a YouTube community post basically saying that atheism was far more responsible for mass shootings than mental health or gun laws, and even when someone made a well-thought out reply with a strong counterpoint who happened to say that they were atheist, he opened his reply to that by basically going, "But God is real lol", and even if I believe he wasn't that rude throughout the response (it's an old post so it's either lost or extremely hard to access now), that frankly strikes me as a really douchey thing to say in a discussion like that. (I'm aware that he lives in Spain, assuming that counts for anything at all.)

When that happened and a ton of Kirby YouTubers understandably shunned him, he put out a classic crappy apology and from there has just spent the year as the most deplorable clown on the Kirby side of YouTube. He made jokes in videos about saying the N-word again, sponsered a trend called "Reclaim June" (take a wild guess how they feel about gay people) and questioned why anyone would be proud of being gay or trans, whined about his downfall and his peers disowning him through the classic "I'vE bEeN cAnCeLlEd!!!" talk, became Fortnite buddies with Mirth and defended her with some insufferable "JeSuS fOrGiVeS hEr FoR cReEpInG oN kIdS!!!" bs, and a month ago, after getting torched for using an old meme involving someone who distanced themself from him without their permission, went on a truly baffling, borderline drunk-sounding ramble of a Community Post that included claiming that all of his moments of xenophobia were faked, trying to indoctrinate people into Catholicism (he's that kind of guy as far as using his religion to excuse being such a turd), and randomly saying at the end that he was making a Kirby movie (he's like the fakest Kirby fan ever off his bigotry alone but whatever). (I should mention that he has said multiple times that he is bisexual, and it seems genuine to me. He's even hinted at taking shame in it over his religion and stuff. It's absolutely no excuse for his actions, but I feel like clearing that up as he seems to have some internalized homophobia or something. I've unfortunately heard of gay people being transphobes, and I have indeed heard more recently of bi people being homophobic, so I feel like I should clear that up, especially considering my own misconceptions earlier.)

That leads us to today when he reacted to people's distaste for him by first acting as if him being Asian had anything to do with it and acting like he's being crucified for nothing. He then claims he loves trans people like any Christian neighbor would before immediately breaking out into a diatribe about how much he pities trans people and how they are inherently sinful for "mutilating the body that God gave them for his/her ego" and that he's just as bad as them? Like he occasionally complains about people viewing Christians as inherently hateful people, but frankly he's doing nothing to help that image for the many good Christians who I can't help but feel bad for, the ones who practice their faith while not being hateful crapheads over it. Not to mention that he still has several people sticking up for him and occasionally even indulging in more explicit hate that makes him look that much more like an enabler. (There's admittedly not much that's too hateful, but there's a rare not-moved commenter under that post trying to counter his crap about transitioning being a sin through some half-decent house metaphor, and it turned into a long thread that included one dipcrap throwing out the T-slur, just to show how uncomfortable they could be.)

So yeah, Toxic Pea, true to his name, is a toxic pea-brain who sucks. Don't interact with him. I admittedly have some bile fascination in seeing how this mess evolves (if that's a bad thing, then let me know), but it's really unfortunate and honestly baffling how a franchise like Kirby can have such ignorant, hateful "fans". (Like it's not quite as oxymoronic as the concept of a homophobic Steven Universe fan, but it's up there.) So again, don't listen to this twat, and if this is news to you and you liked him, then I'm sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news for you.

(Edit: I don't know if this is too late too matter, but I'd like to apologize about my frankly close-minded response to his bisexuality, because it does seem genuine and that he's even so in on his belief of homosexuality being a sin that he feels ashamed about it, which may well be internalized homophobia. It's not at all an excuse or a justification for his actions, but I felt bad for being so close-minded about that aspect of him.)

[lesbian-spaces]

I'm just as excited about the newest fantastic beasts film as everyone else, but I hate what they did with the whole blood pact thing. It wasn't in the original story (7th Harry Potter book), and there was no reason to add it. It just undermines Albus' and Gellert's relationship, the way I see it.

In both the book and the movie, Albus knows he has to face Gellert; he is, after all, possibly the only one who can stop him. But in the book, he can't; and he can't, because he still loves him. He loves him so much that he is willing to put duty aside. He feels a responsibility to act, to put a stop in Gellert's madness and violent pursuit of power, but he feels he can't be the one to take Gellert down. He loves him too much to become his downfall, his doom, no matter how justified this action would be. He avoids the final duel between them not out of fear, not because he doesn't care about Gellert's victims, but out of love. And when he had to put a stop to it, knowing that lifelong imprisonment would be the best he can hope about Gellert's fate, he does so with a heavy heart. Gellert's fate was what hurt him the most, with the exception of Ariana's death, of course. These were the only things Albus never forgave himself. And you can tell from the way he never really moved on, never really fell in love again, that he blamed himself for Gellert's end. He played a part in the development of Europe's darkest wizard (nevermind the fact that he was a teenager back then), so he also played a part in his downfall.

In the movie, he is shown to love Gellert, yes ("we were closer than brothers", he says), but love is not the reason he avoids that final fight that he knows will come, eventually, no matter what he does. No, the reason here is a blood pact. Something less binding than even Voldemort and Draco had, with the unbreakable oath. Something he wants gone, so he can finally take on Grindelwald. And I don't wanna imply that it doesn't hurt the cinematic version of Albus to have to fight - and imprison, maybe kill - Gellert, because it does. But love has as much influence over his decisions as that blood pact, maybe less. And I cannot help but feel like this waters down the relationship between these two characters.

[flagellant]

After The Revolution Will Never Come

An examination on the realpolitik of revolutionary movements and the perpetuation of the iconography of violence. Originally written for my university final paper. 2,500 words.

-

There will come soft rains and the smell of the ground, And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pools singing at night, And wild plum trees in tremulous white,

Robins will wear their feathery fire Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;

And not one will know of the war, not one Will care at last when it is done.

Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree If mankind perished utterly;

And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn, Would scarcely know that we were gone.

-Sara Teasdale, “There Will Come Soft Rains”.

There is an inherent seductiveness to being justified in your actions. To know without any doubt that you were right; that whatever path you chose was the correct path to take, now and into the future. It makes a world of complicated loose-ends and shades of gray into a perfect aesthetic of simplistic moral values. If you were correct, then it necessitates that something else was wrong; if your side is the right side, then whatever actions you took must also have been right. This is not to assign blame; life is a confusing tangle of messy and ugly truths intertwined with deceptions, many of which happen at the same time, or are even the same thing. To crave the shelter of simplicity, to want to feel the certainty that your idea of your own righteousness cannot be challenged, is perhaps one of the most honest parts of human nature.

Yet while this is an understandable instinct, it is not a good one. Jim Butcher elaborated on a fairly well-known idea of actions only justifiable by ourselves in his quote, “No one is an unjust villain in his own mind. Even - perhaps even especially - those who are the worst of us. Some of the cruelest tyrants in history were motivated by noble ideals, or made choices that they would call 'hard but necessary steps' for the good of their nation. We're all the hero of our own story.” 

My fear, however, does not come from the justifications that others do not give our actions. Instead I am more afraid of the normalization of violence that we can accept so long as those around us accept that violence. To be beyond reproach requires a community which believes that to be true of your character; inversely, to be irredeemable and monstrous is not something we choose to see for ourselves, but rather that we judge in how we see others. For Americans, I cannot claim to know the source, but I am certain of its consequences, when I look back even throughout my own short lifetime at the popularization of antiblackness, antisemitism, homophobia, and Islamophobia. Each of these philosophies are predicated on the understanding that an outside group is to blame for the violence being done against them, that there is a shared, unilateral complicity in corrupting evil which must somehow be vanquished. 

I think often about the potency of symbols and iconography within the human psyche. Simple images which, through some miracle, have become more than what they could ever otherwise be. Icons are sanctuaries, places of holiness, of veneration. They cease to be mere images and become a representation of philosophies, ideals, and concepts, empowering whatever they represent like a focusing prism might strengthen the light and heat of a ray of sun to set a fire from a single perfect point. Meaning is found in the most illogical of things, but that does not reduce the fact that we find meaning in them nonetheless. So I find it concerning to witness within the modern American politics of the radical leftist revolutionaries what seems to be an unconscious commitment to perpetuation of the iconography of violence.

    Consider the guillotine. There have been countless stories of its legend, its grim history attached to the shining blade. Its inventor was the Doctor Guillotin, who sought to create a more humane method of murder ordered by a ruling class of citizens–at the time, there were the options of a headsman or a gallows, both of which caused, ostensibly, too much cruelty in the ending of human lives by human hands. I do not believe that Guillotin would have envisioned the legacy of bloodshed he would allow, but I do not believe that anyone ever expected the bloodlust of the French Revolution to reach such awful heights.

    They were awful, without a doubt. Over the course of less than a year more than fifteen thousand people were executed via the guillotine, with another twenty-five thousand being executed through other means. Looking not back to the words of the past, but instead to the philosophies of the present, I believe that the guillotine captures something in our imaginations like no other method of execution ever has. It is a clean, simple, perfected machine, tall and central in wherever it sits, confrontational in its exact function. The great equalizer of all men, Madame Guillotine, for we are all comrades in that we are mortal. And, of course, it is a more humane way to separate men’s ghosts from their bodies. 

    It is this concept more than any that I think is why the modern revolution’s iconography exists so strongly within the grip of the falling blade. We seek to understand ourselves not as murderers or tyrants, but as merciful victors, somber in our need to enforce justice and rules, refusing to relish the idea of suffering even if there is simply no other course but to kill. To torture, maim, and cause as much agony as possible for our personal delights would be truly ghoulish, unacceptable, and prove that we of course are no better than what we defeated. It is a very Romantic means of death; there is spectacle, but there is brevity. There is poetry to the righteousness of an impartial Sword of Damocles, yet we do not stoop to sully our community’s hearts with needless pain.

    All of this is a lie. There is no community worth anything which seeks to root its foundations in the efficiency of ending human life. To kill another person as painlessly as possible due to perceived moral necessity is not a mercy, because it by nature must justify the action of murder. Morality ceases to be a function when the legalization of the taking of another’s life is the source of it.

    But still, I cannot pretend I do not understand, or even that I do not want to agree, with many of my fellow anarchists. I see the symptoms of a system of government and commerce which has, with no metaphor or allusion, encouraged the permittance of treating human life as a resource to be extracted for profit. I see private citizens funding with personal billions upon billions of dollars the violent usurpation of a foreign nation to prevent their trillion-dollar businesses from being slightly less of a trillion-dollar business. I see leaders of our country witness the countless murders of black men, women, and children, and call for the communities of the dead to control their anger, instead of controlling the killers that remain unpunished or even become celebrated for the ultimate miscarriage of justice, that which ends in the destruction of human beings. I see my planet not even being granted a slow and limping fading-away as it is instead accelerated to apocalyptic levels of death due to the refusal of sacrificing profit for survival. How could I not understand the need for a means to prove to the kings of our kind that they, too, shall die–and by the hands of those they would continue killing, if need be?

    Unrest has moved through our world and nation not as a wildfire has, clean and purifying, but as a plague which infects and sickens the hearts, minds, and souls of us and what we make. Our bitter fury at our own powerlessness to prevent harm being done festers and rots like mold in the pit of a peach, capable of killing everything sweet in the world as it lay just beneath the skin. There is a logic to why the guillotine has become such a potent symbol of change, but I do not want to admit that there is a justification for perpetuating that symbol. To venerate and lionize a means of murder and execution ordered by those in power is, I worry, not just to continue a cycle of violence and the reinvention of structures of suffering we live under now. I worry that, at its very core, it encourages an inability to think of any hope for change that does not glorify death and destruction. Perhaps every act of creation necessitates destruction; perhaps a violent upheaval in the loosing of shackles is inevitable for the future of humanity. Certainly it is difficult to envision a reality of realpolitik that does not begin and end with human death at human hands.

    But just because it is difficult, or perhaps even impossible, does not mean that we should not shy away from the iconography of violence-as-politics, of murder-bringing-change. I think there is very little in our government and systemic structures that is worth salvaging, truly, but I think of something other than headless corpses piled in the city square when I try and imagine a better world.

    Fire has always been an icon in human history; it predates history, and even predates humans. It is destructive, but its destruction is a purification and cleansing. Nothing remains but ash and charcoal, but because nothing remains, it means that you are free to take an entirely new path, with nothing in the past to shackle you. It appears in Creation myths as both creator and destroyer; the conflagrating Shiva, Lord of the Dance; the father of humanity, Prometheus, stealing flames to gift to the first cold and lonely humans instead of being hoarded by selfish Zeus; Coyote climbs the mountains of the sky to take for us fire from the giants, and now the tip of his tail is burnt black from it forever. It appears in the supernatural as divinatory and healing; the Oracle of Delphi inhaling the burning fumes of the gods; the priests of God lighting candles to exorcise demons; the tarot traditionally depicts The Tower, or The House of God, as lightning-struck and aflame, an omen of cataclysmic destruction and overwhelming catastrophic change. Wherever we look, we see fire and fear it as much as we love it, for it is the flames that both grant us life and warmth and kills all it touches with the same breath.

    If we must move away from the perpetuation of violence in revolutionary iconography, I must respect the power of iconography at all. Power abhors a vacuum, and propaganda as a rallying cry is an eminent source of empowerment and strength for our convictions. I think of the wildfires of California, and the chaparral which must be burnt to cinders requires to grow and stay healthy as an ecological biome. Entire ecosystems have evolved with the understanding of their end by flame inevitable, and have tied their births to the ashes that are left behind. It is not in the homeland of my tribe that I see a possible replacement for the guillotine–there is no real romance in a pinecone–but I find it elsewhere.

    There is a part of the Cape of Africa called the fynbos, or fine bush. It is a region of land where more than four in five plants are endemic to nowhere else except that miniscule hundred kilometer band. Fires rampage through it every decade or so, eradicating the lush beauty of the hills bright with flowers, each trying to attract the pollination of the sunbirds which live in the region and feed off of their nectar.

    It is in the ashes and smoke of a wildfire which has left nothing of the old world that I find what symbol I see myself in. Four days after the conflagration, a single flower will have bloomed; the Cyrtanthus ventricosus, commonly named as the fire lily. These plants bloom only after the soil their bulbs live in are exposed to extreme temperatures; they are exclusively pollinated by a single species of butterfly; within two weeks, the flowers will have died as the rest of the fynbos explodes back into vegetation, and it goes dormant once more as a bulb, waiting for the next fire to come, as I suppose it must know it always will.

    I want to be clear: I do not see this as an appropriate symbol because of the idea that it represents the hope of a future where justice has won. I think that the lie of victory over oppression is perhaps the greatest danger we face as Americans; we are too easily comforted by the idea that the fight for civil rights and humanity can exist in the past, definitively beaten, or only ever in the smallest dregs, never truly a threat anymore. The idea of history being something we create, as opposed to something which does not apply to us, is not seductive as righteousness is, but rather a terrified grip onto complacency: If we live in times where injustice must be fought, then that means if we are not fighting injustice, we are why it must be fought. The fire lily, on the surface, lives only after the revolution of fire. It is perhaps to others a sign of beauty, perhaps of hope, that life shall exist even after the most calamitous of change.

    To me it is the knowledge that the fire lily did not come to life after the fire–justice does not live only once injustice is defeated. The fire lily is a lily. It is a plant which grows from the same bulb, flowering again and again, withering away each time and waiting for its moment to bloom. It is never dead, it may only be killed; otherwise, it is still there, just below the surface of the soil, unseen and ignored by many, but exists within the foundations of the world nonetheless.

    The point in time where any of us will ever be able to say, “This is after the revolution”, will never come. The fight against human cruelty, against murder and violence in all its sizes and shapes and justifiications, against conflict and struggle and suffering–it is never something able to be won. We exist in a constant state of learning more about our fellow man, and our ideas of justice grow with each new thing we learn. To be alive is to change into something other than what you were mere moments ago; to be dead is definitionally to stagnate, unable to change yourself, merely to be changed by those around you. The fire lily did not grow after the revolution, it merely was most visible then. Fire happens when we grow rampant and green and far too comfortable with the idea of forgetting that, just like justice exists within the foundations of our societies, so too does injustice, waiting to strike. The only difference between the fire and the flower in this system of symbology, then, is merely what symbols we see in them, and what we are willing to do about it.

[kanmom51]

I’m a baby army, just some months into the fandom so far. I got introduced to their music through a co-worker, she was constantly playing their music at work and I got curios. when she was introducing each member everything was ok, but then it came this part of “there are some famous ships in the fandom too” ( I was familiar with the concept of shipping and I asked if it was a thing in army) the answer was that “it’s cannon in the fandom and everyone knows that V and Jungkook are together, there is so much prove about it but we protect them ” “yoonmin it’s canon too but we don’t know much about them” and to be honest I just thought to myself oh well, ok, because of course I was not familiar with anything at the time. I have to admit she never said anything negative about any of the guys while introducing them to me, but as I started watching original content like BTS run, Bon voyage, The Soop, Jikook caught my eye and I started to search more about them and I was like wait a minute. weren’t these two lovebirds supposed to be the cannon of another pair each? 🤔 ones I asked about it the answer was simple and plain “Yeah those 2 spend a lot of time together, Jimin is kinda of an attention sicker, if you look close Jungkook it’s so done with him 99% of the time” and I was shocked, didn’t we saw the same content or what? My point in here it’s that she wasn’t the only one, ones I got introduced to other army I could see a lot of them claiming Jimin being an attention sicker and even a seductor by nature that only those it for fun and manipulation to the younger member (don’t know if these people realize jk it’s 24, he might be the maknae but he’s not 11 and forcing him… that man has too much muscle and brains for me to believe it’s Jimin’s victim) Do you think that’s the reason a lot of “army” allow jikook to get so much hate? Regardless of their bias or if they are “Ot7” Has Army as a fandom normalized calling Jimin basically a man wh0r€ but with kinder and disguised words? I think it would be easier to admit that some are jealous he has a grate a$$, talent, money and apparently the most wanted boy in the music industry as a bf. Anyway I’m so happy I found your blog, it has become my safe place when it comes to jikook 💜

Hello hello anon.

Welcome to the fandom and to my blog. 💜

I am so glad to hear that you had the foresight to go and watch the original content and the intelligence, including emotional intelligence to see just how special JM and JK are to each other.

"I think it would be easier to admit that some are jealous he has a grate a$$, talent, money and apparently the most wanted boy in the music industry as a bf."

Yes, I do believe that part of it is the green eyed monster. But I think it's kind of a mixture of that with so much homophobia too. It's so much easier to call JM a whore, a seductor, someone that is throwing himself, forcing himself on JK, than resigning themselves to the idea that JK is queer and madly in love with this other gorgeous human being.

And funny how these people call themselves true fans all while being super ignorant about who these two young men are as human beings.

On the one hand JK is this helpless child in their eyes, being forced by Hybe and JM into whatever they think they are doing. But on the other hand they see, well want to see, JK as a confident sexy "international playboy", a womanizer, or 'fuckboy' as one of my anons called him (which kind of also contradicts him being forced into something with JM).

Painting JM as this seductive flirt, and JK as this helpless being. The muscle pig that JM goes all wobbly giddy shy around, yes he's being forced into this.

They ignore their personalities. They ignore what they both say. They ignore what they both do.

Did JM force JK to suck on his ear in front of thousands of fans, or to tattoo his name on his hand, or to say "love you" to him during the LV concert? Did JM force JK to carry him out of the stadium? Heck no, to all of the above.

They have been denying this relationship for years now, thing is it's getting harder and harder for them as time goes by, and the louder and louder these boys get.

[legless-fish-on-rollerskates]

All the morons trying to claim that Dean wasn't saying anything to Cas because he was holding back slurs or something equally ridiculous... what show have you been watching? Surely not Supernatural. Like, yeah, Dean had some internalized shit for a while (mostly cause of how he was raised, let's be real), but this isn't season fucking one. Dean's in his goddamn forties now guys.

But you still think Dean Winchester is homophobic? Let's examine the evidence then, shall we?

1. Aaron Bass: Dean was flustered because he's not used to being hit on by dudes, but he was completely respectful. And he was alone, too. It wasn't like he was trying to "hide his homophobia" from Sam. He could've said whatever he wanted in that moment without anyone ever knowing, and he chose to awkwardly walk backward and wish Aaron a nice day. Then later, when they're working with him, Dean says nothing about it (other than a quick "he was my gay thing" to Sam), doesn't make it weird, and talks to him exactly the same way he would talk to anyone else.

2. Jesse and Ceasar: Dean's surprised when he realizes that they're married, again because he's not really used to it and so he made the wrong assumptions (which I will point out is really really normal, it happens all the time even between queer people, because heteronormativity is very much a thing in real life). But what does he do when he finds out? He asks them about their marriage - with genuine curiosity. What's it like to be in a relationship with a hunter, is it hard, all that jazz. Never asks about the fact that they're both men, none of those gross "so who's the woman" questions, literally just. Talking to two married hunters. That's it. Then later, when they're working, he never once questions their capability as hunters or suggests that they're weak in any way. There's no "you're less 'manly' because you're gay" mindset at all. And at the end of the episode he's genuinely happy for them, two hunters who managed to get out of the life and retire together.

There's lots of other examples (several male cops have been obviously into him over the years, his reaction to Jody talking about Claire and Kaia, all the subtext surrounding Lee, etc.) but for my last one for now, let's not forget...

3. Charlie fucking Bradbury: Arguably Dean's best friend besides Cas (no I haven't forgotten about Benny, I love Benny, but he was part of a very specific chapter of Dean's life and that chapter is done). We've known she was a lesbian from the get-go, and Dean takes it in stride when he finds out, immediately improvising to coach her through some painfully awkward flirting so she can get into the office ("you've just come home, and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you"). And yes, there's the whole "I feel dirty" "yeah so do I" bit there, but that's clearly established as a joke, plus the guy was gross - as someone who is attracted to both women and men, I would feel dirty after flirting with him too.

The next few times we see Charlie, she and Dean are geeks and dweebs together, Dean is having more fun than we've seen in years, and we see him be a really good friend - in some ways, a better friend than he is to Cas. Charlie talks to him a little bit about girls, they LARP, they go shopping together, Dean comforts her when she has to let go of her mom. When she's killed, he gets so upset he goes on a murderous rampage (maybe not the most healthy way to deal with greif, but nonetheless showing how much she mattered to him). When he sees an alternate version of her in trouble he's immediately ready to risk his own life to help her even though she doesn't know him. He loved her like a sister, and he never once expressed any issues with her sexuality.

So let's go back to Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. Not much of a surprise there, he's said it before. But this is the first time Dean understands that that's what he's saying. It makes sense that he's a little stunned, especially considering that Cas is also saying that he's about to die. I mean, if your best friend of twelve years told you one day that they've been in love with you all along, that just knowing you has irrevocably changed them for the better, and that also by the way telling you this means they're going to die, mightn't you be rendered a tad speechless?

Dean does not hate Cas for this. Not at all. Because whether or not Dean is bi, whether or not he reciprocates, Cas is still his best friend. We've seen how hard Dean grieves every time Cas dies. We know how much Cas matters to him. Of all the shit they've put each other through, there's absolutely no logical reason for this to be the thing that damages their friendship beyond repair. Not after everything. No fucking way.

Dean says nothing because he doesn't know what to say, because he's still processing Cas's confession but also already grieving and blaming himself for Cas's death. The way he breaks down at the very end of the episode? That's not a man who's disgusted. That's a man who's shattered.

How dare you try to simplify this incredibly complex and emotional moment into Dean being a dick. How dare you. It's positively insulting. The entire point of Cas's speech was that Dean is so much more than that. If you can't see that, than I'm sorry, but you're missing the whole message of the show.

Supernatural is about family and sacrifice. It's about free will, making your own choices. And it's about being more than just who you're supposed to be, going beyond what other people want or assume. All the depth beneath the surface. That's the show. That's why we're still watching after all this time. Because it means something important. Something relevant. Something real.

Don't you fucking discredit that.

(thank you for coming to my TED talk)

[yooniesim]

Did you see that latest Timms thing? He thought he was getting sued for sharing the files, but it was actually the constant mesh theft allegations that were getting into “defamation and slander” territory. The site that he claims was stolen from didn’t want anything to do with him or his case so he probably would have lost in court.

I did! Y'all can find screenshots here.

The thing is, I still don't believe anything he says 💀

but if we're assuming this is legit, it's actually very hard to win defamation cases, because it's on the person suing to prove not only a) the defamation occurred but b) the claims were false and c) the exact damages that occurred to their client's (cowbuild's) reputation. It wouldn't be on Timm to prove that he was innocent aka that his claims were true afaik. I think it also depends on if cowbuild is considered a public figure or not, which would make it much harder for her to win such a case. This is also not addressing the "associated law firm in the US" part which sounds fishy to me too. The entire C&D is extremely messy and unprofessional imo. We've already had creators fake them before, so I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again. If it isn't fake, I wouldn't want this person representing me lol. I'm not a lawyer though, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

If Timm was scared though, I don't blame him for turning tail and retracting whatever statements he had he felt were false; what I do blame him for is suddenly acting like Cowbuild had never done anything wrong and everything was cool now. That was completely busted and he knows it, but he totally ignored it and only mentioned the lawsuit. Once again, the aim was to defend himself, not acknowledge the people he hurt with his words.

"Some things were said that I could not process." That's the only response to him excusing her doxxing, harassment, transphobia and homophobia that we get. It was too difficult for his ego to process, so he's just going to ignore it. It's not for him to process "someone else's pain", but you know what would've helped? Maybe, I don't know, an apology? Saying, "hey, this really scared me so I acted impulsively to appease her, but I'm not okay with [xyz issue] and I'm sorry"? He's basically admitting he was scared of her and that's why he backed off in these screenshots, so why not go ahead and apologize? Well, we know why. Cos it ain't the priority.

[gashinabts]

philophobia|(m)

Words: 7.4k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: Taehyung, a man, who swears he’ll never fall in love meets Y/N a hopeless romantic.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, pussy slapping, pussy sniffing ( lmao idk if thats a thing?), squirting, sexual intercourse, mention of homophobia. Topics of child neglecting, if this makes you uncomfortable pls don’t read :) minor character death

A/N: Taehyung is a bisexual king! Tell me what you peeps think, remember that comments motivate me to continue writing!!! This is my work, no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Kim Taehyung was born December 30, 1995 his father left him when he was 11 years old that is when Taehyung realized that love never lasts. His mother pretended that his father never existed, she quickly hid the family photos away, along with covering his tomato garden with dirt. Taehyung wanted to ask where he went but stopped wondering when he heard a few of his classmates whispering that Taehyung’s dad left them for a young woman in her twenties. 

As Taehyung grew into his teenage years he would often get asked out by his classmates, he wouldn’t decline, accepting the dates to see if he can ever fall foolishly in love like his Mom once did. However, nothing ever happened, he would kiss them goodnight but won’t call them the next day. In high school he lost his virginity at a party, he wasn’t nervous, just did things he’s seen in filthy pornorgraphy. The very next day the girl spread the rumor that Taehyung was a sex god, that he probably had sex everyday with a different people. Was that a compliment? He remembered thinking to himself as he sat in the back of the classroom, feeling people secretly stare at him. 

That day he met Jimin. Jimin was a popular boy that everyone swoon over. Of course he had a girlfriend, they have been dating since middle school. The guys would gawk at her when she would wear a sports bra to track practice. Taehyung was in art class sketching an apple, Jimin came over and talked to him as if they were friends. It was nice, Taehyung listened to Jimin complain about his art. When class was over, Jimin asked Taehyung to hang out with him after school. When Taehyung sat on Jimin’s bed, he looked over on the desk and saw a picture of Jimin and his girlfriend. Right next to it was a picture of what he assumed was Jimin’s family. A Mom, Dad, an older brother, and Jimin. He turned his gaze back to Jimin...who was undressing in front of him. Jimin’s underwear was the only thing on, Taehyung didn’t expect him to have lean muscles and define abs. An hour later  they were both breathless, exhausted from the sex. 

“ I’m not gay.” Jimin tells Taehyung as he cleans himself with a rag. 

“ Okay.” Taehyung shrugs and pulls his pants up. He’s watched gay porn and straight porn before and got turned on by both of them, so it doesn’t come to much of a surprise that he enjoyed the sex with Jimin. 

*******

Taehyung watches from afar when Jimin kisses his girlfriend in the school halls, wondering if that’s love. The next few months, Taehyung and Jimin fool around more. Jimin would call Taehyung over, then they would fuck and they would both be on their way. There were never conversations or pillow talks, until right now.

“ I’m gay.” Jimin confesses to Taehyung. 

“Cool.” Taehyung shrugs, looking for his shoes. 

“ That’s all your gonna say?” Jimin rolls his eyes grabbing his t-shirt wiping the come on his stomach. 

“ I’m bisexual, happy?” Taehyung looks at his phone and notices a missed call from his mother. He tucks his phone away, “ Why are you still with her? Your girlfriend.” He finally asks the question he’s been meaning to ask since the beginning.

“ I love her and I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t love her like that.” Jimin looks at the picture of them and flips it down, almost ashamed of how much of a coward he is. “ Plus my Dad would kill me if I told him I like men.” He throws his head back looking at the ceiling not wanting to cry his eyes out. 

Taehyung thinks love is complicated, he thinks people who are in love are selfish. They rather hurt themselves for the sake of love. It’s stupid he wants to tell Jimin that but he keeps quiet until Jimin looks at him with tears eyes. “ I don’t know what to say…”

“It’s fine...you don’t have to say anything just keep me company, yeah?” 

“ Okay,” Taehyung sits back on the bed watching but not really watching tv with Jimin. 

---

Taehyung’s mom was proud of him when he got accepted to a good college, she would brag to her friends and show pictures of his acceptance letters. Along with bragging how she raised Taehyung all by herself. Taehyung didn’t mind that he was in the spotlight, whatever made his mom happy he would comply with whatever she does. He was good with numbers so he was going to major in data analysis, he really wanted to major in art but his mom laughed in his face, telling him to be realistic. 

Taehyung is now in his third year of college, wanting to just graduate already, done with the shitload of classwork and long ass lectures. Just right now he just finished his homework that took him three hours. He’s about to call it a night until Jungkook barges in his room, yelling at him to get dressed for a party. Taehyung switches his dirty hoodie with a clean hoodie, opting out grey sweatpants with jeans. He keeps his glasses on, due to his eyes being tired and not wanting to irritate them with contacts. 

Jungkook hands Taehyung a drink, there’s obscene music, blunts being handed around, and people grinding on each other. “ When’s the last time you got laid?” Jungkook asked, as he took a gulp of his beer.

“ Last week...I think.” Taehyung searches through his mental sex list, but can’t seem to remember the girls face or name. He looks around and watches a couple argue with each other. The man rolls his eyes as the woman tries not to cry, the woman ends up leaving him and going upstairs.

“ Damn, lucky. I tried to hook up with this girl and she ended up leaving me hanging. Claimed that she’s not over her boyfriend, started crying on me when I was going down on her.” Jungkook cringes, sipping more alcohol. “ Be my wingman, yeah?” 

“ Sure,” Taehyung nods. Jungkook is talking to this pretty girl, and she laughs at every joke that Jungkook makes. Taehyung wasn’t even sure why he asked him to his wingman when Jungkook can easily get a girl to bed. Jungkook nods absentmindedly when Taehyung excuses himself, he wanders around the frat house looking at people getting wasted. Once he gets tired of it he goes upstairs, hoping to find solace in an empty room. He opens a bedroom door, and notices a girl with a pencil and notebook. “ My bad-,” Taehyung is about to close the door.

You look up from your sketchpad, you see a tall man with messy curls and glasses. “ You can stay,” you observe him, he looks like he was forced to come here. There’s no red solo cup in his hand, he looks like he hasn’t a good night's rest. Also why else would he look mindlessly into rooms, the bathroom doors have a handwritten sign stating ‘BATHROOM’, so he must be bored or something searching into bedrooms. “ Or don’t. I don’t care.” You watch him close the door, entering the room.

“ Is this your room?” Taehyung looks around the room, noticing posters of naked women and marvel posters. Weird combination he notes. Along with the dirty clothes scattered all over the floor. 

“ No,” you laugh. Shutting your notebook close, taking notice of his nice hands brushing his hair back. “ My friend’s room. I didn’t really feel like partying just decided to sketch,” you lift your pad up. He nods and sits on the bed.

“ Can I draw?” Taehyung points towards the sketchpad. He hasn’t drawn in months too busy in his schoolwork, his fingers would sometimes draw on foggy windows but nothing more. You nod tearing a piece of paper out and handing him a pencil, he thanks you. 

You were sneakily glancing at him, sketching him, his angular jaw, messing hair, uneven eyelid, long eyelashes. Getting lost at his elegant features, wondering if he knows how beautiful he looks. You shake your head for easily fawning over this man. His hands are even beautiful, they travel across the paper gracefully with each stroke. You turn your eyes away when he makes eye contact with you, cheeks getting warm. “ What’s your name?” You ask while shading the contours of his cheeks.

“ Taehyung.” He folded his paper into a small square, putting it into his pocket. “ Yours?”

“ Y/N,” you smile.

---

“ Did you get laid yesterday night?” Jungkook is shirtless with scratch marks behind his back, there’s a couple of hickies on his neck.

Taehyung takes a sip of his tea before answering, “No, just talking to some girl. Her name is Y/N.” 

“ Y/N. She’s a nice girl. One time I forgot a scantron for class and she gave me one. She’s also friends with Namjoon.” Jungkook pours himself coffee sitting next to Taehyung. “ Are you interested in her?”

Taehyung would be lying if said he wasn’t interested in you. When he entered the room he thought you were pretty and had a kind smile. “ Maybe...why?” 

“ It’s best if you don’t try to get at her. Y/N looks the type to fall in love easily.” Jungkook sighs cracking his back on the back of the chair, groaning at his achy body. Taehyung wonders how can someone fall in love easily, he’s not one to believe in love at first sight or any kind of stuff in that realm. “ Alright, I’m gonna take a quick shower and then we can leave.” 

Taehyung and Jungkook are at the library studying or trying to study, Jungkook is texting someone the whole time instead of studying for his macroeconimics test. While Taehyung is playing video games on his phone. “ Hey guys! Didn’t know you actually study Jungkook,” Namjoon jokes, ruffling Jungkook’s hair. Jungkook rolls his eyes pushing his hand off his head mumbling curse words at him. Taehyung looks to the side of Namjoon and notices you laughing as the scene unfolds. You’re carrying ice americanos and Jungkook immediately takes it out of the carrier, thanking you. 

You look at Taehyung placing one in front of him, “ I didn’t know what kind of coffee you liked.” Taehyung is wearing similar clothing to what he wore at the party, mostly muted green colors and his circle glasses, his hair is pushed back with a headband. He looks surprised to see you, but nevertheless thanks you for the coffee. The conversations between Jungkook and Namjoon get more serious when they finally decide to study for their materials. You try to study but you want to talk to Taehyung wanting to get to know him more, you nudge your foot against his leg. He looks up, looking at you in question, you nod your head towards the exit entrance, he nods slowly unsure to what you're up to but following your lead. Jungkook and Namjoon are too invested in their studying to see you and Taehyung leave. “ Do you wanna go to my apartment?”

“ Sure,” Taehyung shrugs. The apartment was small and kind of messy, you try to hurry up and toss some of the paintbrushes in the sink. There’s water cups filled with murky colors, and paint marks on the tables, he’s not used to a sight like this. In his apartment it is always clean and tidy, not a dirty plate in sight. “ You live by yourself?” he asked, placing his stuff on the table. 

“ Yeah, my roommate moved four months ago with her boyfriend.” You give up cleaning the mess since there’s too much to clean. “ Want some-” You are interrupted when you feel Taehyung’s lips on your, your hands push his chest flustered at the sudden kiss.

“ I-I- sorry...I must have read something wrong,” he looks embarrassed immediately backing up giving you space. “ I thought you invited me to your apartment for sex.” Taehyung notices how your eyes widen, fuck he feels like an ass, scared that he made you uncomfortable. “ I should go…” he goes to pick up his bags ready to bolt out.

“ I just wanted to talk...to get to know you better,” you speak before his hands grab the doorknob. “ We can paint and talk, if that's okay with you?” 

“ Are you sure? You don’t want me to leave?” 

“ Stay.” You go to the sink to wash your dirty brushes. 

Taehyung sits down looking at the wall, notices a canvas of a man, he has plump lips, gentle eyes, overall he is beautiful, something that seemed out of this world. Maybe it was the way it was painted that made it appear like that. “ You painted that?” Taehyung speaks shifting his gaze to you.

You look at where Taehyung was pointing at, it was the painting of your ex boyfriend, “ Yeah, that’s my ex boyfriend, Seokjin. The professor told us to paint the definition of love…,” you stare at Seokjin’s face, remembering the memories you shared. The brushes are all cleaned and you set them down, grabbing some water colors that are in the cabinet. 

“ Do you still love him?” Taehyung curiously asked, watching carefully at your reaction.

There’s a slight pain of thinking about him, truly not over his death. “ Yeah I’ll always have love for him…” 

Taehyung wants to ask more about him but doesn’t want to intrude, he doesn’t say anything else but paints. This is when Taehyung feels like he’s truly being himself painting, expressing himself without saying anything. Moments like these wish Taehyung would’ve chosen doing what he has a passion for insteading appealing to his mothers standards. 

“ Why are you a data analysis major?” The artwork he is doing is remarkable, there’s dark undertones and eerie about it but it is beautiful something that you have to keep staring at.

He chuckles, “ Because I need to eat.” You look down feeling a little insulted he must've noticed since he immediately apologizes. 

“ It’s okay. You know if you ever want to relax and paint, you can come here,” you continue painting small flowers. The first time, he smiles and nods his head.

---

5 months later

This is the third flower shop visited and he’s getting more tired with each second. “ This arrangement or this one?” You ask Taehyung, as you hold two bouquets. One was more filled with carnations and the other was filled with lilies. He gives it some thought before pointing at the carnations. “ This would be pretty to paint,” you smell it getting happy inside.

“ Finally, when can we eat...I didn't eat anything this morning,” his stomach growls at the thought of food. He’s still carrying the vases you bought at the thrift shop, you had to plead with you to not buy another antique mirror because he knows he would have to carry it to the apartment.

You gave the cashier the money, as he wraps the flowers in newspaper, turning your head you look at Taehyung, “ Why did you come with me if you were going to complain the whole time?” You laugh at his scrunched nose as you pinch it. The flowers are handed back and you thank the cashier, leaving with Taehyung.

“ Because I wanted to,” Taehyung shrugs. In your apartment he puts the flowers away as you cook him food, he always enjoys your cooking. When he was younger all he ever ate was ramen, never really ate some home cooked meals, his mother was always busy working trying to financially support the family so he never once asked his mom for dinner. Even at his own apartment he doesn’t eat Jungkook’s food since he doesn’t know how to cook either. Sometimes when he’s hungry he’ll just come to your apartment and you’ll be more than happy to cook for him.

When Taehyung enters his apartment Jungkook is watching anime, foot propped on the table and sipping some beer. “ Back from your girlfriends’ so soon?” 

“ Not my girlfriend but yeah, I left my schoolwork here so I had to come back,” he sighs. Taehyung doesn’t get mad when Jungkook teases him about you being his girlfriend, but he sometimes gets annoyed. He likes the friendship between the two of you, it’s different from any other friendships he had in the past. “ Tomorrow night the apartment is mine. This guy wants to hangout with me.”

“ Just say he wants to fuck you,” Jungkook yells as Taehyung closes his bedroom door. 

---

You meet Taehyung at the park with some bread, he hugs you and asks about your day. “ It was okay. Had lunch with my Dad, but it always ends up in some lecture. I swear, sometimes it feels like I’m fifteen or something,” you tear a piece of bread throwing it into the pond watching some ducks gobble it. You try to look at Taehyung but it hurts when you see some hickies on his neck. On the day you were about to confess your feelings to Taehyung you asked him if he ever loved someone, he laughed and said that he doesn’t believe in no such thing as love. As much as you wanted to disapprove of that idea, you couldn’t be the one to change it.

He grabs some bread, chucking some pieces out, “ What was the argument?”

You laugh thinking about your Dad’s red face, “ I invited him to my apartment, and he found the blunt we smoked together in the ashtray.”

“ Shit, I should’ve thrown it away,” Taehyung laughs too, pushing some of his hair back. 

“ Just glad he didn’t find any of my sex toys,” you cringe just thinking about it. You feel something tugging the end of your skirt, looking down you see a toddler smiling cheekily pointing at the bread. You smile, “ Here, have fun,” you hand him the rest of your bread. You watch him wobble as he runs to his mother throwing the whole slice in the water. 

“ Sex toys?” Taehyung asked once the child was out of sight. “ Like what?,” Taehyung is interested, he doesn’t know, maybe because he can’t imagine you using them. Or he wants to know how you use it. There were times when Taehyung wanted to have sex with you but he turned those urges off. He doesn’t want to give you mixed signals remembering Jungkook’s words of advice. “ Never-”

“ A dildo, vibrator, hitachi wand, or even my favorite pillow,” you trail off not thinking much until you realize who you are confessing to. “ I-I uh…”

“ How often?,” Taehyung asked quietly, not wanting any other people hearing the conversation. He shouldn’t get turned on but he is.

Something about Taehyung’s deep quiet voice is making you squeeze your thighs, “ Every night…” You're still looking at the pond, watching the ripples that are caused by the ducks swimming away. You can feel Taehyung's stare but you ignore it. The conversation switches to another topic when you talk about your school work. The sun sets and you both part ways.

The sound of tea kettle wakes you up from your concentration of you sketching, sighing you pour yourself the tea. Looking at your art, you turn it over not wanting to see Taehyung’s face right now. But fate has different plans when you hear knocking on the door, Taehyung appears, he lets himself in and is close to your face.

“ Taehyung?” You’re puzzled at his frazzled state, deeply staring into your eyes. 

“ Can I kiss you?” The words are quiet but firm. Stupidly you nod, not caring about any consequences. His hands cup your face, immediately going into the kiss. The kisses get deeper, his hands travel to your hips bringing you closer to him quickly, you lose friction from the fluffy socks you're wearing causing you to slip, immediately grabbing Taehyung as you fall backwards. His hands are quick to save himself from not falling onto you. There’s a slight pain on your tailbone but is immediately forgotten when Taehyung goes back to kissing you.

The big t-shirt you are wearing is tossed, his hands immediately fondle your breast, his lips leaving kisses on your neck, groaning as he pushes his bulge against your clothed core. “ Taehyung...let me touch you,” you moan when he bites your neck. He pulls back, pecking your lips before taking off his clothes. Your hands trail against his chest, his stomach, towards his pelvic, trying to remember every part of him. He is surprised to have you touching him like he was some marvel statue, usually his past hookups just rush into the sex. It’s very intimate and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

 Taehyung groans when you touch his dick, he’s hard and wants to be inside of you already. He comes down kissing you, his hands get rid of your panties, fingers spreading your wetness. The moans you let out are turning him on even more, he stretches you out with his fingers. He likes the way your eyes flutter, the shape of your lips tremble, along with your chest inhaling and exhaling deeply. “ You are so pretty,” he doesn’t mean to say it loudly but he does. There’s a blush that blooms on your cheeks, it reminds him of the flowers you would get to study paint.

“ Taehyung,” you moan slightly flustered at his compliment. He reaches for his pants grabbing a condom. “ You don’t want to go to the bedroom?” The floor is still cold against your back, and the last time you cleaned the floor was days ago. 

Taehyung shakes head, already putting on the condom not wanting to waste time, “ Too far,” he smiles when you laugh. He enters you feeling you clench tightly around, he moans digging his head into your neck. “ You are so tight,” he groans. “ Feels so fucking good, having you like this,” he confesses.

You moan loudly, his thick cock streching “ Oh fuck, Taehyung, please just fuck me,” your hands go to his waist urging him to move. He listens to your command, thrusting slowly trying to get deep as he can. Maybe if you can close your eyes you can pretend that he’s in love with you. He goes faster and cries at the pace he’s going, the pleasure is overwhelming, something that you can’t get with your own hands. “ I’m close already,” your hand goes to tug at his wavy hair.

“ Me too,” his voice is deeper. His hand travels down to your pussy searching for your clit and rubbing it. “ Come for me,” he says into your ear. You moan his name loudly, cumming around his cock, scratching his back. The sight of you creaming around him makes him immediately come, he searches for your lips, moaning your name in the kiss. The two of you lay in the afterglow of the sex, panting loudly his body is barely being hold up, and you laying on the hard floor.

Taehyung gets up throwing his condom away, he looks at you still laying on the floor with your eyes close, the realization of him having sex with you just popped up. He hurriedly gets dressed, then helps you get dressed, he gets shocked when you kiss him as a thank you. The next morning Taehyung wakes up early, making sure to leave quietly, not wanting to disrupt your sleep.

---

You weren’t going to lie, it kind of hurt not waking up beside Taehyung but you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. Namjoon invites you to a kick back, only inviting a few people to his house to chill and drink. You take solace on the couch, watching people get high and drunk, you weren’t in the mood to do either so you make conversation with a slightly high Hoseok. He’s in mid-discussion about Shrek being a cinematic masterpiece, when Jungkook yells from the door entrance that he has Taco Bell. Taehyung is beside him wearing all black beanie, crewneck, and sweatpants, but still looks better than half of the people here.

 You turn your gaze back to Hoseok who’s left walking towards Jungkook immediately grabbing a taco. Sighing you decide to get fresh air, staring at the tall dark buildings. “ Whatcha you doing here by yourself? It’s fucking freezing,” Taehyung speaks out closing the slider door standing by you. He takes off his vape pen inhaling it.

“ Wanted fresh air,” you shrug, still staring at the buildings. “ Hoseok left me for tacos. He was onto something, saying that Shrek is a masterpiece. Who knows maybe he’ll write his thesis about it.” Taehyung chuckles, he keeps looking at you and you finally stare at him. “ Why’d you kiss me yesterday?”

He blows out the smoke, and puts his pen away, “ Cuz I wanted to,” he shrugs not thinking much about it. 

“ Nothing else?” You arch your eyebrow.

He continues to stare into your eyes “ Nope,” he shakes his head.  

Some part of you wanted him to say that he had feelings for you but in the back of your mind you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You smile pushing his chest, “ Well that’s the last time we are ever going to do anything like that.” The both of you know that is a lie.

---

For the next couple of months you and Taehyung continue sleeping with each other.

When you are studying with Namjoon in the library, Jungkook and Taehyung spontaneously show up, causing Namjoon to groan. “ You know you love me,” Jungkook jokingly says sitting next to him. 

Taehyung sits down next to you, looking at your classwork, “ How long have you been studying,” he whispers. 

You turn to look at the time of your phone, “ Like four hours,” you sigh. He hands you a jolly rancher, you immediately put in your mouth. “ Why are you here? You texted me that you were going to take a fat ass nap?”

“ I wanted to see you, kind of missed you,” he lays his head against the table. His eyes close when you brush his soft hair. 

“ I’ll be done in forty minutes.” He lets off a quiet okay continuing to look at you doing your work. 

Taehyung wakes up to you caressing his cheek, his neck is in pain from the awkward position he slept in. “ Where did Jungkook and Namjoon go?,” he looks at the empty seats. He tries to crack his neck and watches you pack your stuff.

“ They left about twenty minutes ago,” you get up stretching your legs. “ Let’s head home. We still have left over pizza,” you groan at the pain on your lower back. 

For some odd reason Taehyung liked hearing you say home, there’s some comfort it gives him but he never says it out loud. Taehyung grabs your backpack, holding it for you as you walk towards your car. You look in the fridge for the pizza, but Taehyung has other plans when he closes the fridge door, pinning you against it kissing you feverishly, his tongue already begging for entrance. Laughing you push him away, “ What’s gotten into you?”

“ I told you...I miss you,” his hands are on your waist. He kisses you again, picking you up easily and placing you on the kitchen table. He takes off your pants and panties, and you reach for his pants but he stops you forcing you to lie completely on the table. “ Look at you, laying so pretty on the table,” he bends down kissing you on your lips before he goes down on you. 

He licks your cunt, gently prodding his tongue up and down. Your hips move frantically wanting to feel more of him. His rough hands pin your hips, and he continues with his teasing, lightly kissing your clit before touring you with his slow pace.  “ Look at your pussy, it looks like the roses you painted yesterday…,” his finger goes up and down your folds.

The words make your cheeks grow hot, “ No it doesn’t,” you get shy shaking your head. The embarrassment fills your body, for maybe shamelessly liking his compliment. You are probably never going to look at roses the same way ever again.

“ Yeah, it does Y/N, but your pussy is more pretty,” he continues to tease you. Wanting to see you get more flustered, he likes it when you do it gets him more turned on. “ I wonder if it smells like roses too,” he’s about to smell your pussy but you hold his head. He watches you cutely shake your head. 

Taehyung is filthy but it makes you get even more aroused. “ It won’t,” you whisper, wanting to cry but he shakes his kissing the inside of your thigh to try to comfort you. 

He smells your pussy and he groans, your heart thumps faster and nervous for what's about to say, “ It smells better,” he kisses your clit. His tongue keeps tracing your folds gently wanting to make you beg for more. The movement of his tongue makes you want to pull your own hair out. The pleasure is barely there but it grows within each second of his tongue flicking up and down.

“ Taehyung,” you let out desperate whine, “ please, I need more.” One of his hands slap your cunt, and your back arches surprise but even more turned on. You never knew that you were into that. The sting hurts at first but shoots up ecstasy after a nanosecond, you can’t help but seek more. “ More!” 

Taehyung lets out a dark chuckle, he gives you another slap, slightly harder on the center of your clit, the stinging making your face scrunch up but letting out a lewd moan. He groans at your wetness seeping out some of it landing on the table.

Suddenly, he is done with all the teasing, and dives in, nose touching your clit and tongue inside your entrance going in and out. Finding it extremely hot that you are riding his face, like the pillow on your bed. Taehyung vividly remembers when you showed him how you ride your pillow last week. The way you desperately let out cute whines trying so hard to relieve yourself as Taehyung only watched, wanting to see you get off without his help. 

He moves his face side to side so his nose can rub your clit. Head in the clouds, your body is floating with ecstasy wanting to stay in it forever. Your hands reach down trying to anchor yourself, Taehyung reaches for your hand holding it tight. You cry out his name loudly, coming intensely, your eyes are shut when it doesn’t seem to stop. Your body finally calms down, looking down you see Taehyung’s face is completely wet. “ Oh my god, did I-

“ Fuck, that was hot,” Taehyung wipes his face with the back his arm. He kisses your lips, he helps you from the table, handing you your panties. 

“ Let me repay you?,” you tug at his belt loop, you look down to see the bulge is gone and there’s a wet stain. Your eyes widen, “ Did you come?”

“ Yeah, you squirting on me, made me bust a nut. I swore I never came that hard either,” he sighs happily. Laughing you go towards the fridge, finally eating the cold pizza. You hand him one and he eats it in two bites. “ My mom called me today…”

Taehyung hardly talks about his family, you only know that he was raised only by his mother. He never talked bad about her but you can tell that they didn’t have a close  relationship. “ What happened?” You and Taehyung move so you're sitting on the couch.

“ She told me that my father wanted to meet up with me,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “ Told her that I don’t want to. She started crying and telling me that he’s my father...I sometimes think she’s still in love with him. She’s an idiot.” He lays his back staring at the ceiling.

“ Sometimes it’s hard to get over someone that you once loved. The one you shared your laughs, arguments, touches, memories...vanish into thin air... or you could hold onto it. Love isn’t easy...it’s messy, it’s confusing but it’s beautiful being able to share it with someone. Don’t you think?” You look at Taehyung’s side profile.

Taehyung turns his head looking at you, “ I don’t know...I will never fall in love. I don’t want to end up like my parents,” he closes his eyes.

“ Taehyung-“

He opens his eyes smiling, grabbing your hands, “ Let’s head to bed,” already over the conversation. 

---

Jungkook is cooking breakfast and almost burns his hand when a random girl walks out of Taehyung’s room. Immediately she exits their apartment, doing the walk of shame. Taehyung walks out shirtless with hickies on his chest and dishevelled hair. Jungkook clears his throat, “ Thought you were seeing Y/N,” he turns off the stove.

Taehyung grabs a glass of water, “ We are just friends,” he takes several gulps.

Jungkook scoffs rolling his eyes at his friend’s stupidity, “ Yeah, friends who have sex, hold hands, and almost spend every night together. My bad I forgot they changed the definition of ‘friends’ in the Webster dictionary.”

“ Whatever man...I'm out of here,” Taehyung leaves the kitchen going to his room. He looks at himself in the mirror, disgusted at his appearance, at the splotchy marks on his neck. Why am I like this? Taehyung leaves his apartment ignoring Jungkook, entering your apartment with his set of keys. He looks at you cooking pancakes, you look at him quickly and smiling.

“ Hey...you want some? It’s your favorite banana pancakes,” you flip the pancake. He looks at the big stack of pancakes you have on the table, you continue with the last couple of pancakes and sit down taking a couple of bites. You are consumed by the taste, not really focusing on Taehyung until he clears his throat, looking at him you notice marks on his neck. Your heart plummets, you thought the whole time the two of you have been messing around he wasn’t seeing anyone else. “ You hooked up with someone else yesterday?,” you set your utensils down.

Taehyung nods trying to look nonchalant, “ Yeah, is that a problem?” 

“ No,” you try to lie to yourself but it’s no use, your face looks the opposite of how you feel, disheartening, you can’t save face even if your life's on the line. Swallowing hard you shake your head, “ Actually, yes. It is a problem,” you sigh. “ I don’t understand you. You treat me like a lover, but then you do things like this…” you get up from the kitchen table tossing the plates in the sink, not caring that you didn’t finish the meal, “ I open my heart with you but you don’t do the same. I feel used in this relationship or whatever the hell this is,” your hands clenched tightly as you turn around and face Taehyung.

He’s now by the kitchen counter standing up, “ I told you I’m not looking for love. I’m sorry if I gave you mixed feelings but I don’t want this to end whatever we have with each other. I like how things are-”

You scoff, rolling your eyes at his words, “ Well I don’t...if you want to fuck around then do it... I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore.” The angry tears stream down your face, your hands wipe them before he could, “ Go Taehyung. I wish you the best,” his face is etched with subtle pain, turning away from him you wash the dishes not bothering to look at the sound of him leaving.

---

Three days later

Taehyung hasn’t been sleeping well, tossing and turning, giving up completely and decides to study all night long. This has been a daily occurrence since the fight with you. I’m not going to care for you like I love you anymore. Taehyung groans, wanting to get the image of you out of his brain. Jungkook knocks on his door, eyes widening at the sight of him, “ You look like shit, c’mon Namjoon is having another get together.”

When Taehyung shows up to the party he watches you have a conversation with Hoseok, from a far distant, unsure how you would react if you saw him. Taehyung waits till Hoseok leaves, walking towards you as you are on your phone texting someone. He watches you jolt as he calls your name. “ Hey,” you greet him but there’s no smile or warmth like you usually greet. And he hates it, it makes him feel like a stranger.

“ About the last time, I’m sorry that we got into an argument,” Taehyung apologizes, he tucks his hands in his pockets, a nervous tick he developed when he was elementary. 

“ Ok,” you nod your head, not wanting to discuss something so private in a social setting. “ I should get going, I got a research paper to go over,” you give him one last glance and leave, not saying goodbye to anyone else.

Taehyung doesn’t like the way your back faces him, leaving him all alone with a place full of people. He pushes against people not wanting to let you go so easily, he wants to talk to you, he wants to hear you talk. He wants to lay in your bed and listen to your heart beat while you stroke his hair, letting him fall asleep in your arms. You're opening your car door, and you halt when he calls your name, you wait patiently for what he’s going to say. Please stay.  “ I-I uh...I wish you the best, Y/N” Taehyung says. He watches you give him one last small smile and drive away. 

---

Six months later

Taehyung hates visiting his mother, there’s always something unsettling when he enters his childhood home. As soon as greets his mother she comments about his weight, his slightly long wavy hair, and baggy clothes. She doesn’t ask him college, she never does. Instead he listens to her talk about her work. “ I told your father that you're in town,” she says over the sound of the faucet. Taehyung nods, handing her the dirty dishes, “ I told him you are free tomorrow, you are going to visit him at IHOP,” she leaves no room for argument. 

The sun wakes up Taehyung before his alarm does, he doesn’t really put in effort to look nice but when his mother gives him a look, he changes into something more appropriate. Maybe if Taehyung was in middle school he would be nervous meeting his father but now that he’s an adult he couldn’t care less. It takes him a while to find his father, he looks older from his adolescent years, has a few gray hairs and slightly wrinkled skin. His father stands up, and Taehyung immediately holds his hand out giving him a handshake not wanting to receive an awkward hug. His father looks surprised but compiles, awkwardly laughing and sits down taking a gulp of his hot black coffee. “ I ordered your favorite,” his father points to the triple drizzle chocolate milkshake with a red cherry on top that is set in front of Taehyung. “ How are you kiddo? You look so grown up, your mother has been feeding you well, huh?”

“ Yup.” Taehyung looks at the red cherry. 

There’s too much uncomfortable tension, and his father is letting more awkward coughs to try to fill the silence. “ Almost done with college, yeah? Just three more months, and you gotta face the real world,” his father comments.

Taehyung has been facing the real world since he was a teenager, he worked when he was in highschool to pay for college, he cooked his own dinner because his mother always came home late, he didn’t need to graduate college to find out the world was shitty. “ Yeah.”

His father tries really hard to have some sort of conversation with his son.“ You still like to paint?”

Taehyung smiles, getting reminded of you. He wonders what you are doing right now, if you are painting the canvas he bought you when you guys were friends. “ No. I mean yeah, sorta. I painted with this girl, she made me fall back in love with painting but I did something horrible to her. Now I can’t paint without thinking about her,” he sighs. 

There’s surprise etched on his father’s face, since more than a word came out of his son’s mouth. “ Seems like a very important person to you. You should talk things out with her, don’t want to lose someone like that.” 

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “ Why? You did the same thing to us.”

“ Taehyung-”

“ You really fucked me up father, I hate that you and mom made me this way. I want to love her but I’m scared...what if she ends up leaving me like you did. I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have someone steal a part of me,” Taehyung grits his teeth.

“ I-I I’m sorry Taehyung...I really am. I hate myself everyday for not visiting you, I should’ve been there for you...Your mother and I once loved each other but sometimes people fall out of love, but that doesn’t mean love is evil. Don’t give up on love because of our failed marriage, son, you deserve to be in love.”

---

One week later

“ Fuck, watch where you going asshole,” you yell at the asshole who wasn’t paying attention that made you drop all of your art supplies. He doesn’t even bother apologizing, just continues to walk with his friends. You pick up your pencils, someone helps you pick up your other materials. “ Thank-” you stop midway when your eyes are met with Taehyung. He hands you the sketchpads, you quickly put it in your bag, “ Thanks.”

“ No problem. You just got out of class?,” he asked intently looking at you.

His hair is pushed back by his headband, showing his forehead, he’s wearing his usual baggy grandpa clothes. It makes your heart flutter, but you quickly push the feeling away. “ Yeah, but I have to go back to pick up my two pieces,” you shrug. 

“ You need a hand?” He offers with a careful smile.

You contemplate, you don’t want to make two trips, “ If you’re not busy…”

He eagerly shakes his head. “ I’m not, let me help.” Taehyung follows you to the art room, and picks up the pieces easily despite it being large canvases. There’s silence when you are done putting it in your car. 

“ Thank you,” you give him a grateful smile. “ Do you need to ride home?”

Taehyung took his car to campus but he lies, he accepts your offer in hopes that you guys can talk things over. The radio is on low, and Taehyung is almost near his apartment, “ I lied I don’t need a ride,” he starts off and you let out a surprise laugh.

“ Why are you just telling me now?,” you are about two minutes from the destination. 

“ I wanted to talk to you about what happened to us-”

You sigh, not wanting to reopen bandage wounds on your heart, “ Taehyung, I’m over it-” 

His head turns to face you, “ I love you. I think I always loved you since we became friends. I was scared to tell you because it was something so new for me...I was selfish, I thought that everything we had was fine but I never took your feelings into consideration.” He’s breathing really hard because he finally confessed his heart out, something he vowed he’ll never do since he was a child. 

“ Why? Why now?,” you swallow hard, not looking at him but only the road. Scared that if you look into his eyes, you’ll get lost into them. 

“ It took me a while to come in terms with how I am feeling. Because love is messy right?,” his voice cracks.

The car is now parked in his driveway, “ Yeah, it is.” Turning to finally face him, he has little tears in his eyes that haven’t fallen. “ I still love you, Taehyung,” your hand touches his soft cheek, caressing it. Taehyung leans closer to you and you close your eyes expecting a kiss, instead he sobs against your neck. Feeling wet tears against your neck, you try to coddle him but the tight space in the car is not giving you any room to do so. “ Tae, why are you crying?,” you comb the back of his curls.

Taehyung pulls away giving you a tearful smile, “ Because for the first time in my life I know what love is.”

end.

[kevindayscrown]

The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.

Part 4 The Fall

(TW: Panic attacks, mentions of violence, mentions of homophobia, mentions of Riko because he deserves his own trigger warning)

Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about varsity teams in the United States so excuse any false information. Read first the Introduction, Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

Weeks passed, the chilling breezes of October giving way to the bitter cold of mid-November. The season had started off to a satisfying foot for the Foxes of the Exy team, the new recruits slowly adjusting. Everything was falling into place.

The calm before the storm.

Kevin reserved three nights a week for sneaking with Eric to the Foxhole Rink and practice his skating skills.

It was a slower process than he would have wanted, but Kevin knew about slow processes. It had taken him half a year before he could use a racquet with his left hand again.

However, Kevin was also a firm believer of proper equipment being part of an athlete’s success. His borrowed skates just wouldn’t do, especially now that the two of them had moved on from simple skating to actual ice hockey.

Eric agreed to take him to buy his own pair. Kevin had to skip class just so he wouldn’t have to find another excuse. He still wasn’t sure if Andrew genuinely believed him every time he came up with a reason to skip night practice and then disappear for hours.

They were looking at the designs the store had in stock when it happened.

Kevin felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket. He could guess that it was probably Nicky, wanting to annoy him with something.

When it didn’t stop, he sighed in frustration and picked it up.

“What?”

“I’m so sorry Kevin.” It was Dan.

“Sorry about what?”

Dan had a knack for taking photos of the foxes throughout the year so she could put them on the wall back at the court. She carried a camera everywhere with her.

She’d carried one when they’d gone at the rink after the Exy team lost the bet.

Kevin rushed forward and asked the cashier if he could use one of the computers in the store.

It was everywhere in local and nationwide websites. Mostly on gossip tabloids. The ice hockey players had apparently gotten their hands on the photo and in their attempts to harmlessly tease their captain, they ended up spreading the photo around on the internet.

‘Kevin Day’s newest conquest? Staring Striker swings a different way than you’d expect.’

‘All for the Wrong Game? Exy-Prodigy Kevin Day on Thin Ice.’

On the articles, pictures of Eric having his arm wrapped around him when he almost fell on the rink and of them entering the Foxhole Rink in the late hours, were attached. He couldn’t even tell when those had been taken and by whom.

“Shit.”

Crude commentary, speculations, jokes, slurs, people suddenly claiming they always knew. It was all over the news. The headlines alone were bad enough.

‘Perhaps Kevin and Riko’s relationship was of a different nature.’

Kevin was going to be sick.

“What the hell happened Day? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost,” Eric demanded but Kevin could barely hear him.

He was having a hard time breathing. The last time he had panicked like that was when he told the press he had never been skiing before and instantly thought Riko would kill him for it. Now, it was another Moriyama who could take his life for such a stupid mistake.

Before his thoughts could keep going downhill, Eric grabbed his wrist on his right arm and dragged him down one of the alleys that was the least crowded. Kevin then felt hands cradling his face. Eric stared down at him with a harsh look, though one also of concern.

“These rumors go around all the time about every celebrity, Kevin,” He said, trying to comfort him.

“No, no, he-,” he stopped and tried to breathe in again. “Fuck. Fuck!” He pulled away and ran his fingers through his hair. Kevin hadn’t circled the news like that ever since it was announced that he had transferred to Palmetto State University.

“He? Who? Kevin, talk to me.”

Simple rumors have ruined careers, Kevin knew that. It was the rumor of him being better than Riko that had gotten him to break Kevin’s hand and almost ending his own career. It was by luck that he could recover and play again.

Pro teams weren’t tolerant to gossiping rumors that could ruin their image. And they sure as hell weren’t progressive enough to accept homosexual players – even only rumored ones - in their lineup. Kevin had already signed, but would they break his contact over this?

If they did, if he didn’t make it to pros, he would be useless to Ichirou. He would get rid of Kevin overnight.

“Kevin.” Eric’s stern voice snapped him back to reality.

“Ichirou Moriyama,” he finally said and stared down at his hands. The white scar across his left palm was somehow more prominent at that moment.

Eric was confused, as it was expected. Kevin gathered the remainings of his sanity to explain as best as he could. He didn’t know why or how, maybe it was his panic, his need to talk to someone, Eric’s concerned expression, but he was suddenly sharing everything. The Moriyamas owning Kevin ever since his mother died, Riko breaking his hand, everything going on in the background last year that people didn’t know about, and of course, the deal Neil had made with Ichirou.

By the time he was done, he was shaking and Eric remained completely silent.

“Fuck it,” the goaltender suddenly said. “Any pro team would be stupid to not take Kevin Day into their lineup because of this. You are the best striker in the history of Exy. You are passionate, you are determined. You have an insufferable ego, yes, but you are Exy. It’s your legacy. They won’t take it away from you.”

Kevin wasn’t sure how to react to this, but he felt a twitch in his chest.

Usually, when he had a panic attack, the Foxes or Wymack would hand him a bottle of vodka and call it a day. They didn’t know how to handle him.

Somehow, Eric however, knew exactly what to say.

“I- Thank you,” he said and clenched his hands into fists.

His phone rings again and Andrew’s name appeared on the screen.

Whatever composure he had regained, vanished into thin air.

Before he could reach for it, Eric grabbed the phone and picked it up. Kevin wasn’t sure what had been shared, and he wondered which of his knives Andrew would use to skin them both alive.

It didn’t take long for the blond to show up. Kevin was immediately at his feet, but wasn’t quick enough. Andrew already had a skate on his hand, apparently deciding to get creative and test how sharp the blade of it was.

He was going for Eric before Kevin could stop him.

[cregla]

Look. I can’t talk for american people who were actually afflicted by Trump’s presidency. Nor I can’t talk for POC people since I am not one of them. Nor I can talk for other LGBT+ people like me, even If I’m one of them, because I am only one person and can’t speak for everyone. I, however, can speak for myself and for what I think when I read all about this controversy in our fandom and community. This morning I woke up with people on Twitter (who had already harrassed, not called out gently, mind you, harrassed, people for things already addressed off) screaming at Dream (wow, what a fucking surprise) because when he was younger (and I think a minor? Or around that age) he was, apparently, a Trump Supporter and way more conservative than he is now. Dream tweeted out both some apologies and a very long explanation about the situation (I linked it because some people are completely ignoring it, saying that he only “tweeted once or twice some short excuses”)  Now. I’m sorry to say that I... don’t see what the actuall fuss is all about? I mean, I could see it if Dream was a Trump supporter now. I could see it if he didn’t say sorry, or if he didn’t address anything at all about it, deciding to stay silent. Otherwise...  People... can change...? Especially young people? When I was a child, I was a classist piece of shit. I was born not only in a wealthy middle class family, but I’m a descendant of three fucking noble lines, apparently, which means nothing in the place I live but still influenced how we tought about ourselves. And even if my mother was trying to make me a better person, educating me on respecting others, I still grew up in that context. A context that was white, rich, catholic and heterosexual.  Until I was around, like, 10, I was homophobic, because I really did not know anything about LGBT+ people besides stereotypes and only learned about them through fandom and fanfiction once I started using internet. In middle school I was lesbophobic, because I was a closed repressed little shit who was scared of the tought of actually liking a girl in that way. And I stayed like that until I was 14 and I met my AFAB partner, who I’m now engaged with, and I started to unlearn everything I had known before - not only homophobia but also classism, as I was thrown up in the real world and not the one I lived before (that had a lot of serious problems regarding my family life, but was still privileged). The same year I realized I was trans, but repressed the tought because I only knew trans people through stereotypes and didn’t want to be “like that”. It was only when I was already an adult, at 19, that after years of meeting new people and making myself a better person, I actually came out as trans. And while I don’t believe I was really “racist” in the oppressive meaning of the term, I still was in a “latent” way - as in, believing in certain stereotypes and having invasive toughts brought up by how I was raised. 

Mind you, I never tried to hurt someone. I never bullied someone because of my beliefs, or harrassed them. As I was a minor, I never voted for laws that would hurt LGBT+, POC or Poor people. I fully believed that I had to be respectful of people even If I didn’t “like them” (aka, even if i was a piece of shit). I, however, was still in the wrong. I still believed those things, I still made some weird jokes both on the internet and IRL that may have hurt someone. I MAY have hurt someone without knowing it, because again, the fact that I believed to be a good person didn’t make me one.  However, I changed. I grew up. Not only because I am now part of minorities but because I learned how the world really was. I get to met the people I ““hated”“ before and I realized I didn’t hate them at all! My family still fucked up in a way about some things. I decided to educated my self. I learned. I changed. When reading Dream’s apology, assuming that it’s true (we can’t really know, but for me? It seems genuine) I saw myself  - a person that, while wasn’t homeschooled, still lived in that kind of context.  If Dream was, when he was younger, way conservative, that doesn’t mean he is now. And that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like shit for what he was before.  Now, mind you. Saying sorry doesn’t actually “excuses” you from something you have done. But people are allowed to learn from their mistakes, to change. Claiming that Dream is a bad person because years ago he was like that, it’s harmful in a terrifying way. Because people always talk about “educating themselves” but apparently, for some that’s not true? For some you have to be pristine since the day you were born, otherwise it doesn’t count. And that’s... that’s stupid? Everyone makes mistakes? No one is perfect?  Also, mistakes aren’t all the same. Some are not that bad, others are terribly bad. Twitter treats them all like they were the same. If you did something bad once, that’s it. You’re out, for them.  Yes, there are mistakes that can’t be excused, no matter what you do. I mean, duh. I’m not saying that everyone that changes has to be excused, of course there are limits (and altough they still may try to be better people after, that would be only something personal for them, and not something that gives them a “pass” for what they’ve done)  But if Dream is really sincere about what he said, if he’s really changing himself from what he was like as younger, then canceling him it’s not good. Now, you don’t have to like him. Hell, you can think whatever you want about him. If you don’t want to accept his apology, it’s your choice. You don’t have to only because it was made. But if it was sincere, then stop harrassing him for that. If it was sincere, it means that he’s now trying to be a better person, just like he should be.  You can’t go claiming that people need to be better if when they try to do so you go searching in their past for every single mistake they made.   Edit: (Of course, if Dream isn’t sincere at all, or other things come up that show us how he’s still like that, then fuck him, that’s obvious. But the fact that people can change themselves and grow up is still valid)

[nightswithkookmin]

still same anon. this was another one of my asks from months ago. basically it was a comment I made about jikook's intimacy. it was from this interview: https://youtu.be/T--BOS8oTec the moment I'm talking about happens from 3:00 minute timestamp onwards. i was saying how despite this moment being "skinship" or whatever, it kinda hit different? there's also intimacy there. bc you see how jimin doesn't have to say anything and jungkook immediately understands what to do and starts massaging his neck. jimin literally threw a glance at him, tilted his neck a lil and jungkook didn't need a second more to know what to do. I wanted to talk to you about it since I know that you're not big on skinship defining jikook's relationship, but I think there ARE jikook skinship moments worth noting and this is one of them imo.

Oh ok. Thanks.

SKINSHIP IN CONTEXT

I think skinship by it's very definition is an intimate act depending on the level of familiarity between the parties involved in the act.

From my understanding of skinship, it's basically interactions that would otherwise be viewed as sexual outside of their culture but viewed as acceptable platonic behavior between the same sex or even the opposite sex.

The objective of skinship is to be intimate with another person on a level that's only next to romance.

I remember my sister telling me how shook she was when she found out for the first time, around 2011 when she first moved to Seoul, how she couldn't even keep her pants on at a 'Jimjirban' because all the gals in there were expected to walk around butt naked in the spa. No towels, no pants, no robes butt nakedttt.

'Mehn, this doesn't happen where I'm coming from' she said to her companion.

A. I'm black.

B. I'm not flat.

C. I'm wearing my pants.

Her very naked friend, a native SK, whom she says she'd only met for like a week, then grabbed her underwear and pulled it down her thighs exposing her deforested vagina to the winds and a dozen other curious gazes. All females.

'For a second, I thought I had been tricked into an orgy of a sort. I was very naked without my consent. Wind whistling through my shy butt cracks. Watching very naked females of varying ages stare on with pride and smiles on their faces as if I had just saved a village or something and when I jiggled when I walked I could hear them gasp, amazed- Goldy, how is this not gay?'

'You think skinship between their men is weird, wait till you see their women. Wait till a very attractive Korean girl is breathing down your neck and caressing your nape and complementing your skin while showing you pictures of her boyfriend on her phone.'

She says it took her a while to get used to the skinship between women in SK and seeing the men interact in a certain way messed with her brains for a while. She said she felt her intelligence was being played with most of the time.

I guess if you want to look at Jikook's skinship as intimate then there's nothing wrong it.

Skinship is intimate at the very least.

But skinship, for all intent and purposes, is platonic and nonsexual in nature. And maybe this is a fatal flaw on my part. Or maybe thanks to my sister, I'm desensitized to this form of interaction but I have a hard time seeing Jikook's intimacy as platonic or even seeing most of their skinship as romantic- in anyway. It will make sense in a bit, hold on.

I have a hard time equating skinship with romantic intimacy. But that's just me.

I wasn't able to click on the link you sent but I'm guessing this is the moment you are talking about?

I wouldn't call this skinship. I mean it is but I wouldn't call it that. Skinship is meant to show how close two people are. How familiar they are with eachother.

This doesn't show how close Jikook are. But It shows how caring and affectionate JK is as human being, as a dongsaeng, and as a boyfriend.

I'd rather we celebrate that. JK doesn't get highlighted enough. He caters to the people he cares about. He is an attentive person.

Hate to be a grinch but I can pull up a couple of times JK has done that very gesture with Jin or Tae or Hobi. Remember Soop? Remember when Jin complained of feeling cold and JK went up to him immediately and 'warmed' him up?

Of course, Jimin kept stealing glances at him like he could throw a shoe at the back of his head if he could but that's beside the point.

The man is an empath. He's said several times he feels a lot of pain watching his hyungs go through it. Fact is, Jk cares about people. He's kind, loving and he shows this aspect of him through gestures like these.

He does it for Jimin. He does it for all the members because as he's said, they are all a family.

It's stressful hearing people claim he doesn't give a fuck about Jimin, that he doesn't care about JM because he shows affections for others besides JM.

At some point we would have to make a distinction between what acts flows from their unique personalities because of who they are at their core and what act flows from them being a couple.

Most people who see Jimin as a natural nurturer and what not are able to separate this identity from his ship moments but JK isn't accorded the same privilege. It is why most people are quick to lash out at him when he interacts with others in the same way he interacts with Jimin.

When JM acts nurturing towards V or RM or Suga he is seen a good, kind person.

When JK does something affectionate it's seen as a beautiful Jikook moment or Taekook moment or Jinkook moment and is soon swept under the carpet, soon forgotten and never tied to the personality of JK- perhaps because most of these shippers don't care to know who JK is as a person and as a human.

When Jimin does something affectionate its 'awww Jimin is such an amazing person' even if that act is merely performative sometimes.

I try not to engage in conversations that perpetuate this horrifying discrimination against either of Jikook. They are both individuals.

There are a lot of Asks sitting in my box highlighting the various ways JM is awesome and kind and amazing as s boyfriend to JK and not a single out of 500 plus posts talking about how empathetic JK really is. How thoughtful he is to even pack motion sickness drugs to go on trips even though he doesn't get motion illness and JM is the one that often complains about motion sickness on trips.

The heteronormative lens, on opposite ends of the spectrum in the shipping community, which dictates we perceive on Jikook as either feminine or masculine is a telltale sign of the misogyny and misandry prevalent within this fandom.

The fandom's heteronormative lens filters Jimin as the wildly feminine archetype, wildly fragile, sexy and womanly right down to the way we praise him as the 'good woman' in his relationship with JK- loyal, faithful, nurturing, kind, silent in that he continues to perform Jikook even when Jikook are not in a great place. etc.

Yet because he is seen as womanly or feminine, the part of the fandom that hates women hate Jimin. That's where all the slut shaming, bullying and harassment stems from- misogyny.

Jk is viewed as the opposite of that. By most, he is very masculine man and as such harbors all the traits of masculinity the modern woman detests- toxic masculinity, cheating, disloyal, fuckboy who treats women like shit. All forms of hatred and intolerance towards men is projected on to him especially by male intolerant people or dare I say feminist women within the fandom.

And you see them in the way they are always fighting for Jimin against JK as if Jimin were a fragile faithful woman whose man don't treat him right thus further perpetuating the heteronormative stereotypes of Jimin.

What's disconcerting is Jikook are both men and yet depending on how their masculinity or femininity is perceived, they are both treated very differently.

You hear Tuktukkers talk about how Jikook is as a result of heteronormativity and thus prescribe Taekook as the ideal homonormative ship- because to them, Tae and JK are both seen as two whole men.

To them Jimin is just not man enough to even be gay- isn't that the foundation of homophobia?

Gay men not seen as men at all?

Whereas amongst Jokers, Jimin's manliness is often forgiven and JK's is abhorred. Jk is too much of a man and men just ain't shit.

This may sound like an over simplification but Tuktukkers hate women, Jokers hate men and either side suck. In my opinion.

Jimin is a nurturer he cares about people including his boyfriend. JK is an empath he feels the pain of those close to him including his boyfriend and is often moved to ease or take away some of that pain.

It's thus annoying to hear people out here yell and complain on every turn each time JK interacts with the others how JK 'doesn't act exclusive' with Jimin or how he doesn't care about Jimin.

Should he not care about anyone besides Jimin just because he is dating Jimin?

It's annoying when they say the same about Jimin. Jimin nurtures everyone ergo there's nothing special or exclusive about the way he nurtures JK.

Nonsense such as these are spewed without taking into account that those acts in themselves speak directly to who these people are as human beings first and foremost; secondly, to how they feel about the person at the recieving end of their affections.

If they are treating everyone the same it's probably because they love everyone too- in a non romantic way of course. It's their love language. They love others with the same heart they love eachother with.

It doesn't take away from how they feel about eachother. JK admiring another member does not mean when he admires Jimin it's nothing. It just mean he admires Jimin too.

Not everything has to be romanticized or given a romantic context. They are each expressing themselves and their feelings for their bandmates. It's about them not their bandmates or their relationship with said bandmates.

Certain moments are just attestation to their love language be it platonic or romantic and it says more about who they are as people than what their relationship with the other person is. It's not all about their relationship.

People need to start treating Jikook as individuals. They are humans first before a ship. Shipping them shouldn't take away from their authentic expressions of self.

That's how they each end up getting cussed out in these streets left and right.

It's ridiculous.

This is JK being JK. Imma leave it at that.

This is from the same interview where Tae was talking about how they love showcasing their bond.

It's ok to celebrate it. Just see it for what it is- as flowing from JK's kind self. This is not Jikook. This is JK. Jeon Jungkook.

Don't fume or act disappointed when you see him do the same kind gesture for another member just because of the meaning you are imposing on this moment. Know what I mean?

That being said, there are certain Jikook 'skinship' moments that crosses the line of skinship right into sexual foreplay.

If 'skinship' leaves you 'sexually excited' it's not skinship. Nobody can tell me nothing.

Make of this moment what you will. Just be responsible with it. I think. But don't mind me. I'm grumpy.

Signed,

GOLDY

[spnasylum]

Sarah Z Silenced Me!

I’m a black queer SPN fan as I’ve said before. I just watched a nearly 2 hour long video Sarah Z made about the Supernatural finale. She makes it so obvious that’s she’s a Heller and Minion. She spends most of the video making references to Misha while barely mentions Jared and the only talk of Jensen is her talking at length about his alleged homophobia. She claims Castiel is “the most important character” on the show. She seems to want to convince that Supernatural queerbaited, but uses the same old problematic stereotypes and congratulates Misha on being so pro Destiel while it makes everyone else uncomfortable (yeah because he wants your money, girl!) She also seems to think that seasons 14 and 15 where leading up to canon Destiel (girl, where????) with no real evidence of it. I left this comment…yeah I know it’s long!

“I’ve been a hardcore SPN fan for a long ass time, I grew up on it, been to cons, done foolish things in the name of Gish etc etc. I thought the finale was beautiful, I’m not really a crier and I was sobbing. I loved the more laid back cover of "Carry On…”. I have never seen the appeal in Destiel and as a queer fan I actually find it to be incredibly problematic and not at all representative of anything other than bad stereotypes and toxicity (every other LGBTQIA+ fan I speak to feels the same way). The shippers have gone way too far, its become cult like and has turned SPN into a mockery, they are a small but very loud part of the fandom who manage to make all of us look bad to the cast and crew and even people outside of fandom culture. Many The Boys fans are not looking forward to Jensen joining the show for no other reason than the possibility that some of them may follow him and they don’t want that kinda energy over there. The show didn’t queerbait us because everyone involved with the exception of Misha Collins have been very clear its not real and would never be canon. Anyone who managed to convince themselves otherwise despite repeatedly being told it wouldn’t happen played themselves and have no one to be upset with other than themselves (and maybe Misha because he kinda encouraged them to sell merch which he shouldn’t have done knowing their reputation.)

PS the accusations that the CW, with so much rep on its network, would go to great lengths to somehow edit the American airing of the show to “silence” Dean from declaring his undying gay love for Castiel (who’s I love you I still see as platonic. You can look up to someone, have them be a good influence in your life and love them dearly without wanting to screw their brains out) Why then with so much homophobic rage for just this one specific show and only two very specific characters they decide they must stop Dean saying “me too” or whatever at any cost would they let the “super secret REAL script” play out on screen in another country for a show with a dedicated global fanbase. Why would a network with so much rep, that makes sure to have diversity on their network, want to conspire to stop Dean Winchester specifically. Like I’m seeing conspiracy theories and hashtags that would make flat earth truthers embarrassed for destiel shippers detachment from reality. “

Within minutes, literally MINUTES, it had been removed. No discussion, just straight up censorship. So I’m leaving my comment here instead along with the link to the video so you can hear the same nonsense I just did.

https://youtu.be/M0QhgQ-g4C0

I think this is her tumblr https://dingdongyouarewrong.tumblr.com/  I see a post defending the bullying and harassment the Destiel shippers are doing online being waved off as just “over zealous women” or something... insane.

[orenonahaichigoda]

So, it’s apparently super normal and OK that the whole fandom fetishises Japanese people and queer men instead of treating us both like human beings, but I thought y’all’d like to know about your in-story proxy for your homophobia.

Taken from a VHS tape I made off the computer, with altered subtitles to watch with friends who don’t understand the audio, and while there are issues with them, this scene fully checks out.

This is the one time we actually see what Lisa reads. This will also serve as image description. While they have Ichigo on the walking machine before he yells that it’s designed to suck up his spirit pressure

—note that I’m translating because fetishists, while cosplaying Japanese people, do real violence to Japanese people for speaking anything ever other than the English of someone who has a PhD in it while they themselves can’t spell their only language, look at fic, so, regardless of whether or not this is made-up Bleach terminology, I have been made to feel unsafe to even use that because of the way the bulk of Anglophone people and especially Anglophone fandom for Japanese anything, treat actual Japanese people—

Anyway, when Ichigo is actually huffing and puffing on what kinda reminds me of 1970s treadmills, to be honest, the Vaizards are all just hanging out having usual banter. Kensei reprimands Lisa, as he wraps his arm in the boxing bandages, that she’s supposed to be watching him. Then we see over Lisa’s shoulder as she says she is and he calls her out. She’s looking at some magazine and we see a not terribly detailed and perfectly acceptable for prime-time/pre-watershed TV image of a woman with blondeish wavy hair on the beach wearing a two-piece swimsuit, though the subs block the visibility that the swimsuit isn’t a one piece. The subs show Kensei calling Lisa’s bluff that she’s not watching Ichigo and is just looking at swimsuit idols.

My best guess is that it’s a swimsuit photo book of a (made up, of course) idol (ie: this is gonna be someone who sings and acts both, like Jennifer Lopez in her heyday, except is more about the age of debut Britney Spears, which yes, the level of sexuality between those sort of photo books and Spears’ Bad Catholic Schoolgirl thing… except for the light in which they are cast, wherein the idols will be shown with a more ‘innocent’ air—and yes, I can list many male idol groups in the 70s and 80s—Spears’ video I mentioned was definitely more “sexy bad girl.” Other than that, same sort of thing. I didn’t go for this thing then, nor do I now, I’m ace and I think modern music generally sounds terrible besides, but I’ve definitely heard about 21st Century Disney stars trying to break out of the Disney stereotype also taking a similar tack to Britney Spears, from what I understand, so your “Japan sexualises children but Good and Pure White Countries Would Never (tm) “ is invalid racist schlock, shut up. Yes, idol contracts are way overreaching, and it’s wrong, but that’s not this subject)

Now that I’m done the SECOND disclaimer to ward off racism, anyway, so generally idol photo books are going to be each focusing on a specific idol. Again, I’ve never gone for these, just the actual records and tapes if I like their music. But you’re not gonna find Shibugakitai in a Hori Chiemi photo book. So, Lisa bought a book to ogle women in swimsuits.

I mean, beyond straight and gay exist, so she could totally still like men, and I was extremely disappointed that Lisa wasn’t Nanao’s mother and that there was nothing about Shunsui and Lisa reuniting (and who says he also can’t be with Juusirou? Or they both can’t also be with Juushirou? My exact reaction to the song “She’s My Only Lover” was and still is “congrats on being mono with someone of the opposite binary gender and therefore having the only type of relationship society allows???” or at least did allow at the time)

Regardless of whatever you want to *transform* Lisa’s sexual or otherwise anything into, claiming she is canonically into homophobic fetish stuff , at least according to the TV show, no, she’s not. She’s not looking at boys/men at all in this.

[into-control]

sorry into, this is going to be a rant, but I'm so heated and upset right now

everyone who takes TTB's side (aka that demonic monster of a straight woman) is just a bad person at this point.

one side literally has multiple detailed testimonies from different people, evidence including countless emails that she sent to them, that demon woman literally spoke on her blog about how she'd managed to find people's real life identities and also said multiple threatening things like "your identity is not a secret" to people who called her out, like those are her OWN WORDS, that she said on her ACTUAL BLOG herself, one of her minions also accidentally admitted in a k*ylor discord server that TTB had contacted someone's workplace, TTB herself slipped up and accidentally mentioned that she knew the identity of a person who anonymously spoke about her outing them, etc

like she has OUTED multiple people. one of those people literally has a physically abusive extremely homophobic father, and she could have gotten them seriously harmed or even killed

and despite the mountain of evidence against her, all TTB has to say is "lol no they're all lying, I'm not TTB btw, I'm sp*de riddles, TTB is innocent, they're all just jealous of her and probably homophobic, they're all liars, don't listen to them 😌"

and then she focuses on semantics and keeps saying "TTB never doxxed anyone" bc she's using the definition of posting private information on the internet, even though people often use doxxing as slang to mean revealing someone's online identity to people they know in real life. but notice how she never says "TTB never sent those emails" or "TTB never dug up people's identities", she avoids that and always just says "TTB never doxxed anyone"

and that's all it takes to get all of her minions and her followers to strongly take her side and dismiss all of the evidence against her and to attack the people who have spoken against her and call them liars

she is fucking EVIL, she could have got people kicked out of their homes or fired or even killed, she's a disgusting human being and if anyone here still supports her, I literally don't know what to say

also on top of the fact that she OUTED people just for disagreeing with her over K*YLOR, she also fucking kept calling jewish people rats and "lizards" and "the lizard crew" which is literally taken straight from antisemitic conspiracy theories (no surprises there), she called BLM "drama", she said that bipolar people are "mentally unstable" and "literally crazy" and that they shouldn't be able to work with children, she posted fucked up things about karlie faking a miscarriage, she spoke about the baby having "dirty bloodlines" and being "k*shner spawn"

she constantly uses "that person is mentally ill" as a way to dismiss the opinions of anyone who disagrees with her, she treats people with mental illnesses like they're dirt, she claims everyone who disagrees with her is homophobic EVEN THOUGH SHE'S STRAIGHT, she's complained more than once about being "attacked" for being straight and compared it to what LGBT people go through, she called black people who asked her not to be racist "toxic" and "negative" and "keyboard warriors" and then she told them they clearly didn't actually care about BLM and that taylor was doing more than they were, etc.

like she's genuinely fucking vile. people could have died. she was genuinely trying to ruin people's lives just because they disagreed with her k*ylor blog, and all of these people that she harassed and outed were LGBT themselves which is really fucked up given that she paints herself as an ally

I mean, are we even surprised given that she had threatened to out karlie multiple times on her blog? but I guess people thought all of those threats of her outing karlie were just jokes, and now they're in heavy denial about her actually outing people for real

genuinely, if anyone still supports her, then idek what to say, she's evil.

so many people in the gaylor fandom have deactivated their blogs in the last month or so, especially kids, because they're terrified of being outed by her like those other people were. and yet she claims she's an ally and that her blog is a safe space

you’re absolutely right anon. we have to stop letting straight women define what homophobia is because it allows them to participate in things they don’t think hurts us but does. i would even go as far as to say that we should stop letting them label themselves as allies (it should be a label that comes from one of us) because they let it get to their heads and they start thinking they’re an important figure to the lgbt community, which ttb obviously thinks because of how often she repeats how she’s an ally in response to members of the community criticizing her

the fact that she’s actually become so full of herself that she thinks she has the right to out people exemplifies that. and yeah maybe what she’s done isn’t *legally* considered doxxing but it doesn’t make it any less shitty. it’s just common decency within the lgbt community to not out another person. it doesn’t matter if somebody has made some of their info public. in my friend group only one of my friends is out to their parents but other than that we all know not to talk about our sexualities around our parents and other people we’re not out to. it’s just basic fucking decency.

she doesn’t understand our experiences in the slightest and you can tell in the way she reacts to certain things taylor (and by extension karlie) does. you shouldn’t be a gaylor because you’re anxiously waiting for taylor to come out. i used to not think ttb being a hallmark of the kaylor community as a straight person wasnt really a big deal but you can see how over time whatever bit of allyship she had in the first place has turned into a superiority complex.

and i can’t really speak too much on the antisemitism and racism as a non jewish and white person but in general you’re just supposed to listen to marginalized groups when they tell you not to do something