#also megs and i have something very important in common

[avastazyana]

What do you need that small waist for, Optimus? For other mechs to grab it?

[orbmanson7]

I refuse to wait for this poll to end before posting, so here we go - a nice, long analysis of why Herbert is or isn't lying about killing Dan's pet cat, Rufus.

(Here's your warning that animal death will be discussed a lot in this post, so please heed that warning!)

To start, let's first discuss why Herbert is likely lying and did kill the cat.

Obviously, his motives are suspect. He has intentions to get close to Dan (hence why he took on his roommate offer), and wanted to show him that reanimation was possible in order to convince Dan to help him (because he knew Dan had access to the morgue as part of his job at the hospital, which would give him a way to test human subjects).

It makes sense that he would kill the cat to use as an example of what he could do with his reagent, to impress Dan and prove the reagent's efficacy. It may also bring some brownie points if he claimed the cat had died by accident and then he graciously brought it back to life (which could potentially give him motive to kill it in the first place).

Additionally, it's important to remember Meg was suspicious of Herbert from the moment she met him. However completely unfounded, she was scared of him and uncomfortable in his presence, and she lets Dan know this (subtly at first, then outright later on). Meg's worries are what lead her to searching for the cat and then her suspicion towards Herbert is what led her to check in his room, which is how she finds the cat in his mini-fridge, dead.

She alerts Dan and then immediately accuses Herbert. Now, given the circumstances, it is extremely bizarre to have a dead cat in your fridge, for sure, and it's understandable for her to come to the conclusion he did something to kill the cat only because of this. However, she was already suspicious of Herbert for no reason before this instance. She had already suspected him, despite him having done nothing to warrant it before that point, so she was absolutely biased in her accusation.

Now - pause on that thought. This means that, in order for this lie to make sense to Dan, Herbert would have to have been aware of Rufus' common behaviors. While we don't see this behavior much ourselves, we do know that Rufus likes to jump up on Dan, and Meg confirms that this seems to happen often to both her and Dan whenever she visits. It's also extremely typical cat behavior. Meg also notes that when Herbert is around, Rufus would run away from him, but Dan remarks that this is also typical cat behavior (which it is). Given what we do know about Rufus, Meg's remark about how he knocks things over when she visits and especially Dan's comments implying he's often mischievous while they go looking for him, it's understandable to think the cat may have genuinely knocked over the garbage and gotten into the resulting mess. This may have even been an occurrence that did happen in the past, and Herbert then used a partial truth when explaining the situation to Dan later, making it far more believable.

He then explains, specifically to Dan in a soft and calm voice, that he had found the cat dead, that it seemed to have knocked over the trash and gotten its head stuck in a jar. A very simple and easy explanation that could have been believable, given the cat's known behavior.

But then, as Dan asks, why would he keep the cat in the fridge and not tell Dan? Well, Herbert has an alibi, of course. He was busy away from home, and explains that he didn't want to just leave the dead animal there for Dan to find later or for it to "stink up the place." Again, these are completely understandable reasons, even if devoid of emotional attachment to the cat.

When Dan asks why he didn't call or leave a note, Herbert plays to Dan's sensibilities, asking what a note could possibly say. And he's got a point there; it would likely have been even worse if he had merely written a note and given very little detail to explain what happened. This is something that would require discussion, not a quick "Cat dead. Details later." written to spook Dan (and Meg) and rile them up before he arrived to give those details.

Given this does seem like a lie, it makes sense that Herbert would be able to capture and suffocate the cat fairly easily, store it in his fridge until he was able to return from work, and then have the opportunity to most likely show Dan that the cat was dead before reanimating it, creating a perfect example of what his reagent was capable of achieving and use that to impress him. With this, he could then sway Dan into helping him, because Dan had access to the morgue which meant Herbert could get access to corpses to test his reagent on people.

It lines up, it makes sense.

The only factor he couldn't control with this plan was Meg going into his room and revealing things before he had the chance to do so himself, which made him sound defensive and his lies seem less believable because they could be seen as excuses in the moment. It didn't help that Meg also insisted that the cat hated him and therefore he killed it. However, this was a lousy and emotionally-driven reason that didn't have any proof behind it, which is why Herbert doesn't even bother giving her a response at first.

And while I have also seen it argued that, much like his distaste for Meg, Rufus was technically someone who had some of Dan's attention and maybe that was a reason Herbert could have wanted him gone, so that the cat was out of the way once he convinced Dan to help him, I find this to be quite a stretch. But, given how Herbert clearly wants Dan's attention, it's not impossible.

It's also interesting to note the other moments where Herbert lies in this movie (and in Bride, if you want to count those, too). Herbert often seems to have at least a general plan laid out for what to say, even if he's having to think on his feet. He'd have been a decent chess player, given his strategy seems to be that he takes into account what he knows about the person he's lying to, what actions are available for him to take, and what actions may result from it. This allows him to remain one or two steps ahead of anyone in many situations, and seems to work very well in his favor.

For example, after the first fiasco down in the morgue, when the security guard, Mace, comes in to figure out what's happened, Herbert was either lucky or quickly aware that Mace and Dan were acquainted in some way (Mace does immediately ask if Dan's okay before addressing the gruesome situation in the room, so Herbert may have noticed this). Herbert tells the guard that he had come down there to see Dan, which lines up with Mace's understanding of the situation - he knew Dan had just brought a body into the morgue before he left to go get 'coffee'. It's understandable that someone had come by while he was away and if they knew Dan, then they may have known he was working in there. This sentence also means Herbert is relying on Mace's trust in Dan, not in his trust of Herbert (which is probably non-existent), giving Herbert a slight advantage in getting him to believe his story.

Next, Herbert explains that the dean had entered and had started ranting at them irrationally, which is somewhat actually true. Using truth, even a partial truth, can be really helpful in selling a lie. Not only were they already aware that the dean was angry with them before this, Dan had told Herbert that he'd kicked them out of the school (per the Integral Cut, at least) so they knew if the dean found out they had gone down to the morgue to do this experiment, he'd be even more pissed. Herbert could absolutely rely on that anger as a supposed motive for Dean Halsey's actions when making up his story.

Oddly, Meg steps in to argue that her father (the dean) was "just angry" which actually gives Herbert's lie more credibility here, not less. It makes what he described seem more believable, because Meg had just confirmed part of Herbert's statement. This is especially helpful as he further explains to the guard that the dean had attacked a corpse with a bone saw and "went crazy."

Something interesting to note here is that Herbert refers to the bone saw as "that thing" as though he doesn't know what it is. Well, he definitely knows what it is, so why did he lie about this specifically? Again, this may have been to sway the guard's opinion of him. Unlike just before this, he couldn't stake this part on Mace's trust in Dan. Instead, he needed Mace to believe him, and 'playing dumb' to some extent - not understanding why the dean was angry with them, simplifying the dean's supposed actions as only "he went crazy," and referring to the bone-saw as "that thing" - it all makes Herbert seem more like an innocent victim in this situation. If he were to display knowledge of the tools used, regardless of being a literal med student who has taken classes on how to use this exact tool, it would have only made him look more suspicious, even if it shouldn't have if he actually was innocent. So Herbert plays a little bit dumb, explaining things in simple terms but making himself seem only as informed as the guard was, with very little understanding of the situation or why it occurred.

All in all, it's a good lie.

And if he's able to lie so well in such an intense situation like that, it makes sense that he could lie easily in the situation with Dan's cat.

But there's one lie Herbert tells that tripped me up a bit, and I had to really think about it to understand his motives for why he would lie in that moment and how he went about doing it.

Following the instance where Dan finds out about his cat being dead, there's a scene where Herbert has applied his reagent to the cat in the basement but it has apparently begun attacking him. The noise wakes Dan up and he helps fight off the cat before realizing that's what it is.

We then get a scene where Herbert shows Dan his notes and explains what his reagent can do. He is trying to impress Dan, by explaining his achievements and his plans to go further with it. But then Dan asks him, both incredulously and point blank, "You haven't done this on people?"

Herbert stares at him, silent, then looks away, then reaches up to scratch his neck before saying, "I've done all I can here" and changes the topic entirely.

This is a lie of omission, and the audience knows this because we know that he has 'done this on people', or at least one person - Dr. Gruber. However, as we can recall, that was not exactly what one would call successful. And given that Herbert is trying to convince Dan all because he wants to get access to the morgue for more subjects, he likely hasn't had many opportunities to try his reagent on other people yet.

So, if Herbert were to be honest here and tell Dan "yes," it would go against his goal of trying to impress Dan. If he's done this on a person, then why wasn't it already the biggest news in the world? Well, because it wasn't successful. Herbert having to admit that would ruin the progress he's already made in convincing Dan of the reagent's efficacy at this point in the conversation. He needs Dan to believe that this will work, and not worry about the consequences if it doesn't. Never mind that every scientist has to do things wrong a bunch of times before they get it right, when human lives are what's at stake, there's a lot more riding on the results. To tell Dan the truth here would be detrimental to his intentions, so he can't tell the truth.

But then, why not lie? Again, depending on how much he explained, his intentions are to use this on humans, but if he lies and says he hasn't, Dan has a lot more things to be concerned about. There's a reason a lot of chemicals and products can't get approval for human testing, because it can be extremely dangerous, and Herbert's reagent is by far no exception. If he were to tell Dan assuredly that he'd never used this on a person before, it could ruin his chances at convincing Dan to try it on a person at all. Herbert is already working against Dan's moralistic nature here, adding something more to that mix could potentially flip his already swaying opinion and keep Herbert from obtaining what he wants.

So he can't lie, either.

This is why it had tripped me up initially when I was thinking it over. Why would Herbert have so much difficulty lying to Dan when he had done it so well just two scenes back? Was it because Dan had asked him point blank like that, and he hadn't prepared a response? Surely he would have guessed Dan would want to know if he'd been successful trying his reagent on people, why hadn't he prepared something to say? Oddly, the simple answer was that it was likely funnier to have Herbert kind of flounder for a second and not know what to say, shaking his confidence for a moment. But it also makes sense that he didn't want to move Dan's opinion any further in either direction, so he decided to simply say nothing and then change the subject, keeping Dan exactly where he wanted him to be. Surprisingly, Dan (tired and already confused) just went along with it without questioning him again. Maybe he just didn't want to think about the implications, but who knows?

Regardless, it proves that Herbert is good enough at reading the people around him to determine the best ways to lie to them.

But what if it wasn't a lie? What if he really hadn't killed Rufus?

Well, let's discuss why it's still possible he hadn't been lying in this particular instance.

First, back to Meg's immediate distrust of Herbert and how it was completely unfounded. At that point in the movie, Herbert had not done anything to warrant Meg's suspicion, and yet she suspected he was up to something. Because of this, the audience was already expecting Herbert to do something awful, so we're more inclined to believe he's lying when he says he didn't kill the cat. But, given that Herbert hadn't done anything wrong before this point, there is no reason to doubt what he's saying (if we don't count the audience knowing about Dr. Gruber, but we clearly didn't have the full story there, either.)

Beyond this, if his goal here was to get close to Dan, why on earth would he fully intend to kill Dan's pet, especially if he knew how fond Dan was of Rufus? Herbert clearly put thought into answering Dan's roommate ad, because he knew it would allow him to get closer to Dan. Likely, his hope was to be on good terms with him and he would then leverage this friendship as a way to gain access to the morgue at the hospital, because the only thing he really knew about Dan was what he had learned from their brief encounter at the beginning of the movie, which was mostly that Dan seemed to be on decent terms with the dean and that he had access to the morgue. That's it. Factors like Dan's house having a basement, Dan having a girlfriend who happened to be the daughter of the dean of the university, and that Dan had a pet cat were all technically unknown to him when answering the roommate ad.

If his plan in all this was to get on Dan's good side, why would he kill his pet? Outside of the potential theory I posited earlier that it may earn him some brownie points if he reanimated Rufus for Dan, that would still mean he'd have the intention to kill the cat in the first place. And Meg had suggested that the cat hated Herbert, which isn't really a good reason for someone to kill a cat (even for Herbert), especially given how gentle he's trying to be with Dan throughout this scene.

It doesn't really line up that he would intentionally plan out and murder Dan's pet cat, just so he could reanimate it and prove what he can do. Really, he could've just caught a squirrel or rabbit and bring that back to life if the goal was just to show off his reagent. Even if bringing back Rufus would get him some brownie points (assuming it worked), Herbert wouldn't be at an advantage, he'd still be at the mercy of what Dan decided to do. If not given enough time, if the reanimation was unsuccessful, or if the reanimated cat attacked Dan (which it did), these were all variables that Herbert had to have already accounted for (his notes literally state that the larger the mammal he'd tested the reagent on, the more violent they'd become, after all) before he would do this experiment. And it could have resulted in Dan kicking him out, ruining Herbert's initial plan to get close to him and delaying any progress he'd already made.

Herbert thinks ahead, plans his actions out, considers all his options before acting. It does not make a lot of sense that Herbert would kill Rufus if he had wanted to get close to Dan, regardless of the fact that he was trying to manipulate him.

However, it does make sense that if Herbert happened upon an already dead (or dying, but not there yet) cat, he could easily come up with this scheme to use it to convince Dan of what he could do. (Convenient test subject and all.) Which, in a way, is still lying, but if he wasn't the one who killed the cat, then all he'd be guilty of is not informing Dan right away, and since he had somewhere to be, he could use that to his advantage when asked. This leaves Herbert's reputation with Dan relatively unscathed, because he isn't causing the incident, he's simply participating in its aftermath, same as Dan.

This may also be why some of his lines seem rehearsed when explaining what happened, because he had probably planned out beforehand what he would say when he intended to show Dan what happened (though, Herbert's actor did admit during the commentary track that he had to run this specific scene when they auditioned literally every Dan and Meg actor for the role and that he'd gotten really tired of this dialogue after running it so many times, so there may be a bit more reason to his line delivery sounding like that).

And, if that part wasn't a lie, even if parts of his explanation were rehearsed or planned out, that doesn't take away from other scenes where he does lie about other things, including when Dan asks him point blank about using the reagent on people or his cover story to the security guard in the morgue. The boy's a very good liar, I'll give him that, so maybe he's got some of us fooled?

So, using Dan's cat dying as a way to manipulate him into helping him? Not great, but at least it wouldn't make him a cat murderer.

Also interesting to note, but when Herbert mentions how he found the cat dead because it had tipped over the garbage and gotten its head stuck in a jar, both Dan and Meg glance at each other with a knowing look. While this could be interpreted a couple different ways, such as Meg looking at Dan as if to silently say "can you really believe this obvious lie?", it could also indicate that this is a very believable situation to them, and that Rufus may have even done something like this in the past, which leaves them both recognizing that. Given Meg's comment about Rufus knocking stuff over a lot and Dan saying he has 'tricks', this lends far more to Herbert being innocent in this instance, that he isn't lying because something like this has already happened.

But, as I said before, using partial truth when lying is the key to being believed, so it could just as easily be a cover story for what really happened, or it could be the genuine truth or at least Herbert's understanding of what actually had occurred.

It's understandable that this has been a tough one to figure out, because there's a lot of reason to believe he lied, but there's plenty of reason to believe he didn't, as well.

Overall, it seems to be less about your opinion on Herbert in general and more about your opinion on his motives and intentions.

Did he want to kill the cat to accomplish his mission? Or did he see the cat as an obstacle he could get rid of? Why would he need to remove the cat if he was already confident he could manipulate Dan before he even knew the cat existed? Why couldn't he use any other animal, unless this one was just the most convenient at the time?

I think it all depends on how low you think he'd stoop to get what he wanted, really.

[transingthoseformers]

Okay. Now, I to outline brainstorm with you via asks. *rubs hands together eagerly*

Opens with Megatron and the trial and the cell in different points of view (Optimus's would be delightfully crunchy to show changes to some of the LL crew and give the Drift scene) maybe some other scenes such as the meeting with Cybertrons leaders to show the changes.

Prowl going on the Lost Light to give Ratchet on of the backups of Chromedome's memories that he had stored with him. It is a common procedure for mnemosurgeons to leave these woth people in case something happens and they need to do a restore. Prowl's is dated but it gives them something to work from and compare to for repairs. He sees people he are absolutely certain are former Decepticons and then looking at Chromedome before Ratchet comes to chase him out and Prowl, weighs it, and asks Ratchet to fix his eye. He's being interrupted by Drift who pops in and Ratchet snorts when Prowl tries to warn Ratchet off only to drop the bomb "that is my Conjunx" which makes him bluescreen a bit.

So a few scenes of outsider POV before settling on out main present POV Megs.

Megatron gets onto the Lost Light and meets Magnus, who is walking him through and once they get to the locked room he is warning him to stay out of he grimaces, sits Megatron down and tells him the truth, noting the file he'd been given mentioned issues with Mnemosurgeons. 

This leads into the first flashback from Ultra Magnus's POV with the start of the nightmares and things following the wake of Overlord/Rewind's death which is a fairly normal reaction to trauma. 

Magnus and Rodimus have a meeting going over reports about this. Rung is noting the jump in crewmembers reaching out to him and the Medbay is reporting people avoiding are having issues getting sound sleep leading to low energy drain.

Rodimus, who has also been more withdrawn which again doesn't stand out, included a request for a new berth be delivered because he burned his. Magnus sighs and the absence of Drift is severely felt and the clearly distressed but hiding it Rodimus mentions they should just invite Rung and Ratchet and the others to command meetings to report since they're important too. Magnus feels a little soft and says he'll arrange a time because he can see Rodimus visibly struggling so it must be bad. At the mention of nightmares Rodimus pauses and asks if Magnus had any/was okay. Ultra Magnus mentions he hasn't and returns the question only for Rodimus to clam up and say he's fine.

Brief mention about concerns with Chromedome and they both grimace because a very tired Brainstorm had given the command staff and general crew the rundown of "Chromedome Has Deleted His Husband How To Handle It?" which was horrifying and made them all feel hollow though Magnus has his own quiet grief about Dominus and his brother-in-law. There had been a PowerPoint and a stock email prepared. It would have been funny if it wasn't horrifying and then Brainstorm mentioned he needed to call Prowl so that he could send out the formal updates to the "usual people". This shocked them even more and Brainstorm then explained the other Conjunx that had been lost whom he'd known and that he and Prowl were some of Chromedome's only permanent acquaintances and they had a process in place for this.

Seeing Chromedome walk around aloof but semi-normal was troubling for everyone and Tailgate and Swerve, who'd both grown closer to Rewind, still couldn't be in the same room with him or talk to him normally. 

The crew was dealing with it in varying levels of well and sympathy and offense, while they all saw a bit more of Chromedome being more of an asshole without Rewind or saying or doing a behavior that he adapted for or from Rewind and not knowing why if it was brought up. 

He'd had to visit the Medbay a lot to deal with headaches from people triggering memories that were connected to Rewind that couldn't be loaded due to the mnemosurgery and Ratchet was still furious both with Chromedome, for "mutilating himself", and Brainstorm, for not telling him that Chromedome was actively a risk to himself. The headaches seem to be puttering out with his recovery and the crew has adapted. As much as they can.

Just hints at things being off and Rodimus keeps rubbing his lower back saying he has an ache but he probably just slept funny.

Flashes back to the present where Magnus has given Megatron a general summary of Chromedome attempting to edit his own mind and causing damage that led to him attcaking others and an escalation until he was finally secured. The crew decided to keep him in stasis in the hope for repair and recover rather than punishment. Ultimately deciding that Chromedome should be given a chance when possible. They hope perhaps something with the Knights would be helpful given they were supposed to have notbonly wisdom but lost knowledge. Meanwhile Ratchet and the others are doing careful microsurgeries to repair what damage they could.

Optimus's pov would be very crunchy for that considering his state/role in the Trial, especially giving us a snippet in his thought process of wanting to dig through Megatron's helm, and Rodimus's unexpected reaction to mnemosurgery

Ooo interesting on having memory backups!

Ratchet is absolutely prepared to get Prowl the fuck out of there, but fair fair that it's medical aid time

Get wrecked Prowl lol

Oooo interesting meeting with Megs and Mags interesting interesting

ohhhoh yes it always starts quiet and slow, it's always the little things at first. Rodimus is right, tbh, Ratchet and Rung (among others) are important to command. But ohh. ohh roddie. Mags worrying for Rodimus makes so much sense in this situation but also we're seeing a side of UM that mecha don't typically see.

Good on Stormy for sharing that because yes, they needed to know this about Chromedome and yes it's unsettling on a whole nother level. But also that is slightly hilarious but also very useful that Brainstorm was that prepared. "The usual people" hmm. Hmmm. Interesting.

This is why Chromedome angst is so interesting and well creepy because he was up and about carrying on like "normal" after such a devastating event (because he doesn't remember it). It's so interesting to see how the crew interacts with CD and how he interacts with them in this time period where it seems like "normal" post memory deletion procedure, according to Brainstorm.

Yessss on him still having a reaction when his processor tries to retrieve memories that aren't there anymore

oh roddie

Yep yep makes sense they'd try to help Chromedome, after all all of this is happening because he is greatly unwell, and that he is another reason for their quest now.

[voicefromthecorner]

Here's something fun some people have noticed when comparing Josh to Haz. They are total inversions

Haz is polite and generally friendly, but clearly detached from humans to the point deleting an entire city is considered acceptable, while Josh is an asshole, he geniuely only went with Shibuya erasure plan because he thought it was to far gone.

And both Haz and Josh have rebellious subordinates who actively attempt to manipulate others for their own agenda.

Howver unlike Hanekoma, Kubo's agenda is actively malicious, and he's also a dick

Don't get me wrong. Mr.H is a fun character and does clearly have a decent sense of right and wrong. But he was using Neku just as much as every other faction was.

The greatest irony about Haz is that he's is the one character from the higher planes who's blatantly honest without lies of omission or twisting of the truth.

Which is kinda funny in a morbid way.

They definitely contrast each other, though there's enough common thread that I'm hesitant to go as far as to say "total inversions".

I was sort of starting to think Angels were just kind of 'like that', when it comes to city obliteration, given how Joshua talks about Shibuya throughout TWEWY and Haz asking about it while offhandly brushing off nuking Shinjuku. A rational person responding to the question of "What makes this city so special" would likely say something like "Um?? Because there are tons of people in it?? So maybe you shouldn't just wipe it out like it's just another day at work!?"

But thinking back to the last game, the scene where Joshua, fully in his Composer glory, told Megs that he needed to destroy Shibuya or else it might "infect" the rest of the world with faults that prompted him with what is literally divine judgement to make that sacrifice is a reminder that, for these guys, this is just another day at work. It's literally their jobs to decide the fate of an entire city based on the level of its impurities and while we, in watching that, can feel like Abraham pleading for Sodom for the sake of ten good people within it, the call is ultimately their for what is ultimately the best of reasons.

That's how it should be, at least. We've had a lot of personal experience with Joshua, so I believe that enough about him. I know less about Haz. But based on what I've seen of their attitudes, I understand where you're coming from. Haz seems pleasant and yet there's something about him that unsettles me and makes me trust him less than I do Joshua. He talked about the ordinary people with way more bewilderment and way less understanding than Joshua did.

I like your summary of them! Haz might shoot you in the face, but he won't stab you in the back. Joshua, by comparison, can multitask.

And when it comes to Mr H, I do think that for all his manipulations, his secret reports indicate that he's motivated by desperation. It's very cold, calculated and rational desperation, but I don't believe he'd cause the kind of problems that would mark him as a Fallen Angel without some kind of redeemable rational.

I know, "Cool motive, still murder" and he doesn't really apologise for his actions, which I won't forget in a hurry, but it's important to take the good with the bad and when it comes to Mr H, there's too much good for me to think that he was only ever just using people. If there's one other thing I took away from his reports, it's that he respected everyone - Neku, Beat, Shiki, Rhyme, everyone - for whatever that's worth.

[dadstielkline]

autistic castiel

first of all everyone sees castiel as weird. not just dean but other angels as well. they always say something about cas being abnormal, having a crack in his chassis, he's not like the others.

ive been told that i stare too much and that I don't make enough eye contact. castiel is no different. he always seems very confused by what the proper amount of eye contact during conversation is because it's a stupid fucking made up rule, if you're talking to me I'll listen whether i look at you or not he has a special interest in humanity. he finds humans very fascinating. better than his own angel brothers and sisters sometimes and feels an urge to protect them. he's also very fond of bees and beekeeping. it was something he found very fascinating and he kept wanting to share it with everyone he came across even though nobody really cared to listen to him except meg. his trenchcoat is clearly a comfort item. he wears it all the time and the only time he ever took it off was to wash it clean. and when his coat was missing, he immediately got a new trenchcoat for himself. his comfort food is peanut butter and jelly. it was something he first ate as a human and he was clearly very upset he couldn't taste it anymore. he doesn't understand figures of speech or slang. the most common example was when sam mentioned they'd need a guinea pig and castiel legitimately thought  sam had a guinea. you see him misuse and misunderstand phrases a lot. especially the phrases dean uses because for an autistic person dean really doesn't make sense half the time unless you know what he is talking about. i think this would be true for a neurotypical person too however because dean often likes using obscure references as well. he fears rejection from the winchesters and doesn't know how to read the signs that they love him and want him to stay. which is one of the (many) reasons why they should have outright told him that he was important to their family and loved instead of letting him think he was a useful tool or a burden to have around. he will sometimes imitate things that he has seen other people do. like when he is interrogating a woman for the death of her husband, he imitates what he has seen cops on TV do. jack also does this a lot and perhaps someday ill talk about why I think they're autistic too and why they and cas are the best autistic father/child duo to ever exist. he has no concept of personal space. even after dean explains it to him he still crowds into dean's space. i suspect this is because dean is a comfort person. he feels safe near dean. he does this most often with dean of course but he does it at various times with others like sam or jack. these are people he loves and feels the most comfortable around so it makes sense that he wants to be close to them. he doesn't understand when people are flirting. multiple times. he didn't understand that the waitress was hitting on him. he thought it was normal for dean to ask him to unbutton his shirt. he didn't know mick was flirting with him when he gave him his number and i'm going to refrain from talking about how if he had known mick was flirting, they would have had the healthiest and gayest relationship on the show. we were so robbed. i see myself in castiel which makes him canon autistic and if that's not a good enough reason, misha collins himself even calls autistic castiel canon too.

[snifflesthemouse]

This morning, I read an article titled “I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts" posted to Refinery 29. The title gives the impression of a journalist disguising one’s self as a “Meghan Markle hater” for the sake of getting to the bottom of something. However, the content of the article is nothing like its title.

Before I go further, let me stress the importance of perspective. My post isn’t an attack on the article’s author. I’ve never even heard of the author before now, and I’ve no right or reason to attack a perfect stranger because I vehemently disagree with the content of their work. Making assumptions about someone solely on what they write is lazy and sloppy in my opinion. I may be lazy and sloppy, but a hypocrite I try not to be. Therefore, go forward remembering my issues are with content, not creator.

The article starts out explaining the origins of the term “Megxit”. It continues with other hashtags, conspiracy theories, and so on. The article even mentions various media platforms “attacking" the Duchess, as well as crude posts witnessed by the author.

Then the name dropping begins. First with Murky Meg, then Sue Blackhurst, then According2Taz, then Skippyv20 on Tumblr, then Yankee Wally. Eventually, names of Royal Rota journalists are dropped. Then people like Angela Levin and Omid Scobie get mentioned, with interviews from the latter. Instead of an undercover sting, we get a “Who’s Who" of Megxit, a few anonymous Sussex Squad quotations, and Omid trying his best to be fair.

What this article accomplishes is very little when it comes to objectivity. The title is a misconception, and the content essentially paints targets on the backs of the people the author carelessly considers “Meghan Markle Haters". The article reduces anyone who disagrees with Meghan’s behavior as racist, misogynist, conspiracy theorist nutters. So, not only is the content of the article sloppy and lazy, it also lacks originality. We’ve all heard this sad song-and-dance number a million times.

I guess at face value, it becomes very easy, effortless really, for outsiders looking in to reduce an entire group of people with similar views to the basic stereotypes as old as time. It takes very little thought, consideration, or critical analysis, to assume things because they seem to correlate. But correlation is not causation. Just because some people opposing of Meghan Markle’s behavior happen to be racist doesn’t mean every single opposing person is also racist. Again, lazy and sloppy.

Just like assuming every single Meghan Markle fan is also vegan, anti-monarchy, feminist, woke warriors is downright sloppy and lazy. This author has personally interacted with and found common ground with Sussex Squad people many times. Some even became social media friends. They believe what they do, and I believe what I do. We do not agree with most things regarding Harry and Meghan, but we do agree to disagree and be civil.

So, contrary to the article, not all people “hate" Meghan Markle just because they detest her behavior. It’s important to remember extremes exist for all spectrums. Every topic, especially those politicized or made popular by media platforms, have extremes. There is no denying the fact that there are people who hate Meghan Markle because of her ethnicity. Those extremists who hate Meghan for her ethnicity ironically do not discriminate, though. If they hate her for her ethnicity, they hate ALL people of that same ethnicity.

On the flip side of this coin, is the other extreme. The face is the same on each side because the face represents extremism. There is no denying the fact that there are extremists who see anyone opposing Meghan as racists. Extremists who, by default, view every issue in the world through the lens of racism. While racism is a serious problem that deserves no place in society, assuming racism is the root cause of every conflict is also lazy and sloppy. And the same could be said that these extremists do not discriminate, either. If they see race as the only issue for why people “hate" Meghan Markle, they see race as the only issue for most everything.

The problem with both extremes is when everything and everyone is reduced to racial identity, racism only continues to exist. A racist using skin color as a disqualifier perpetuates racism. Assuming racism is the only reason behind disdain for someone only perpetuates racism. Focusing on race or racism allows no room for content of character.

Especially when people defend Meghan Markle being the victim of racism with a racist rule. When opposing critics say “I didn’t even know she was Black" or suggest her physical features, her Hollywood CV, or past involvement with Black causes were nonexistent before she became a duchess or stepped down from being a working royal, the extremists on the other side often resort to the One Drop Rule.

Which means their defense for calling Meghan Markle “haters" racists, even though they might have never knew she was mixed race, is a form of racism. The One Drop Rule was borne from the Reconstruction Era post-Civil War. The “rule" essentially said anyone who appeared to have Black features were considered Black.

The One Drop Rule was the precursor and eventual backbone to Jim Crow Laws of the South. It was used to oppress and segregate Americans based on physical appearance. Considering most people who never heard of Meghan before Harry came along were ignorant to her mixed heritage, it seems grossly negligent to assume race is the real issue. How can one be racist toward Meghan when they didn’t know she was mixed race? This author wasn’t aware of Meghan’s ethnicity prior to it being pointed out (by her and Harry. Repeatedly.), mainly because this author didn’t care.

Like so many, when I first saw Meghan and Harry together for the engagement interview, I was more excited about a fellow American joining the Royal Family. After learning she was biracial, well it was even better. It represented change and progress. Does that mean I saw the Royal Family as racists beforehand? No. It means I saw them as exactly the opposite. Had they been racist, she’d not be a duchess. Her being American and divorced was more a shock to me than being mixed.

The point of all this is there are extremists on every spectrum. For a journalist to say they went undercover, when in fact they did not, to expose the true motives behind Meghan Markle “haters", only to find they did very little to really understand the other side was disappointing. Not surprising, just disappointing. This could’ve been an excellent opportunity for someone to take the reigns and make bridges between two very passionate factions. Instead it became nothing more than a hit piece.

The article fails to acknowledge the possibility – no, the probability – that most people who object to Meghan Markle do so because of how she behaves. The article only considers one possibility behind this “hate". And by calling the objections “hate", the article in turn defines all criticisms as hate speech. Again, unoriginal, sloppy, and lazy.

So here we have it, yet another article grouping and stereotyping anyone who disapproves of Meghan and Harry as racist haters. Yet again, another article name dropping people “deemed racist haters", essentially painting even bigger targets on the backs of those people. Like they didn’t already have enough hate mail. Yet again, another sloppy, lazy, article that never digs below the surface to understand why instead of assuming it.

This isn’t new, it’s just another slop drop from the sensationalism machine that has replaced fair, legitimate journalism. It would be different if there weren’t so many questions surrounding the births. It would be different if Meghan Markle actually lived by the example she so vehemently preaches. It would be different if Meghan Markle would make amends with her own family before telling the world how they should treat people. It would be different if Meghan Markle were a strong woman instead of claiming to be one.

But it’s not different. She hasn’t spoken to her father since two days before her wedding three years ago. She denies the family connections that existed before her fame. She ghosts people once they are no longer of benefit. She preaches equality and universal service while using her title every chance given. She and her husband criticize the “family she never had" while naming their second child after that family’s Matriarch. All of those are behaviors that incite strong emotional responses. Behaviors. And behavior has no racial identity.

A final note… hypocrisy is the main reason people have issues with anything. When one group of people tells another group to stop attacking a public figure, while using assumptions as their crusade call, it’s hypocrisy. One cannot say “if you can’t take the heat, then shut up!” to another without being a hypocrite. When that happens, don’t be surprised when the same exact thing is said back. If Meghan or her fans can’t take the criticism, they shouldn’t participate in it. We all have the right to choose. Just like if I couldn’t handle the criticism, I’d not be writing this.

Life is not fair. The world is a dark, cruel place. When we expect the world to bend to the will of a few, we are setting ourselves above the majority. A strong woman would know this. A strong woman fighting for others would also know that the only person responsible for how one feels is one’s self. External feedback isn’t responsible for internal turmoil. Internal feedback is. That is all.

REFERENCE:

Amoako, A. (2021 June 11). I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts. Refinery29. Retrieved from: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2021/06/10518195/megxit-meghan-markle-anti-fandom

[lovee-infected]

Do you have any thoughts about RSA, we already got two official students so how do you think the rest of students will be like? What’s the academy is like? Do they have dorms presenting Disney princesses?

RSA BRAINROT TIME- Yes anon !! I've been thinking about this for quite a while so I've got A LOT to tell

Students and staff:

First off, the students and staff, I decided to sort them by their possible rival dormitory in NRC since I'm assuming that if we've got the villains for the 7 Disney classics, they're just getting the heroes of the same classics. So here we go:

Alice in wonderland: We've already got Chenya! Other than him, I can see an Alice inspired dorm leader, a mad hatter ispired student and a marchheir inspired one! The dorm istelf would have more of an wonderland theme while Heartslabyul looks more like inside the Queen of hearts' castle.

Lion King: Okay I'm empty of this one. Leona's currently at NRC, Farena's probably graduated RSA years ago and Cheka is still to young to enroll in RSA! So...what are we even getting here???? I was thinking of Timon & Pumbaa inspired characters but no, we'll need them when Cheka possibly enrolls in RSA to be his best buddies, so????? All I could think of was the lion guard series where we got some concept on Scar's teenage hood, so maybe they can be somehow inspired by his Scar's old friends? I don't know...

The little mermaid: We've got Rielle! Can't wait for them to reveal his design but other than him, I'd love to see a Sebastian inspired vice dorm leader and a Flounder inspired student! But I'd also like them to give Rielle several siblings just like Arielle, and since he's the youngest he'd enroll in RSA after most of them have already graduated! From what we got in Chapter 3, I can tell that Rielle, Azul and tweels seem to be childhood friends, so I'd love to see how they can twist a rival ship into a friendship between them! I can also imagine the tweels hanging out with Rielle while the Sebastian inspired character is about to lose his mind and keeps telling Rielle to stay away from those evil beings- (JUST LIKE THE SCENE FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID)

Aladdin: Kalim is believed to be twisted from both Sultan and Aladdin, so it gave me chills to imagine a Aladdin inspired character in RSA. But like...I guess they'd get along with Kalim anyway? Lol. What I want to see the most would be a Genie inspired character, I NEED ANIME GENIE OH GOD- Also a Jasmine and maybe a Rajah inspired character? That'll be nice!

Snow White: We've already got Neige...so what else might we have? 7 dwarfs? Animals? That's kinda hard to tell! Snow white herself didn't have any friends other than animals and the 7 dwarfs through the game, so we don't have much options left for this dorm. But I'd say dwarf inspired characters might be cool? Who knows, maybe we can even twisted dwarfs who can shapeshift from their dwarf forms into tall and handsome boys~ it's twisted wonderland after all.

Hercules: Four words: Hercules inspired dorm leader. That's it, that's the most important part. Many artists have already designed some great Hercules inspired OCs and I'd say that they all looked amazing! Also, I NEED a meg inspired character so badly- Hhhhhh let that sarcastic queen come to life again. Also, what about Pegasus? I'd personally love it if a twst Hercules had his own Pegasus buddy, so cute!

Sleeping Beauty: I'm def down for an Aurora inspired Leader for this dorm but...then I thought of something else. Would he be more like Prince Philip or Princess Aurora? Or both? God if the theory saying that Silver is the twst Aurora is right then this RSA dude would definitely be inspired by Philip... i can't even think of how bitter things can get then- wait a second, I need a moment to cry Anyway, could it be that we'll get 3 characters inspired by the three fairies? That'd be cool! Maybe the animal inspired characters too

Staff: History: A twst version of fairy godmother. Alchemy: Kind of hard to tell but what if their Alchemy teacher is dalmatian inspired himself? A puppy teacher...[sobs] PE: Oh god what about a beast inspired coach now?? Someone who can shapeshift from his beast form to a handsome prince depending on his mood- Shopkeeper: A twst version of Mama Oddie! Definitely perfect! Mama Oddie and Facilier sure do have a lot in common but like, Facilier is the evil side.

But the most important question is: Who would be the principal? Who would be the possible opposite to Crowley? Hm? Some theorised their principal being Mickey mouse and I'm cjcjsnsjxk- I don't know!!!

But, let me note something: I doubt that we get more than one character per each RSA dorm. Every Chapter we've had so far just had one RSA character reveal (Except for Savanaclaw's because we had both Farena and Cheka, though we didn't get any design for Farena so I don't think if that counts, and Scarabia's because we got none) we didn't get anything about Rielle either but I believe he'd appear in the future chapters otherwise they wouldn't have mentioned him though the story.

Out of all dorms, Pomefiore and Diasomnia's got the highest chance to have an RSA character introduced as their rival and enemy through their chapters, which is also because of the "Weapon inspired characters", who are Epel and Silver.

We've seen much and less of how Epel's the red poisoned Apple and how this is relating Neige to Vil, but what about Silver? The scariest part about it is how he isn't even the villain's weapon, but the Hero's. I don't want to rant about Silver now because I already have several posts scheduled to cry about Diasomnia so let's skip it, just keep it in mind that the chance of having a RSA Aurora/Philip inspired character appear in Diasomnia's chapter is VERY high.

Something that has been keeping my mind busy for a while was the possibille design of RSA's building; NRC's building is simply the famous Disney castle, but isn't RSA supposed to have something similar? Soooooo...would the buildings look the same just RSA would have brighter colors? How ironic.

Another thing that absolutely thrills me about RSA...is the shape of their magic stone on their uniform.

NRC's magic stone is in fact in the shape on Evil Queen's mirror

Meanwhile RSA's...is actually a Sword in the stone reference!

So that's all I had in mind about RSA's general design and dynamics for now, though if we're going to talk about RSA's relationship with NRC and the possible futures of the storyline that'll take another post to talk about it- Diasomnia especially had A LOT to explain about NRC's connections with RSA so prepare tissues for the Diasomnia chapter guys, it's going to hurt.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

eleanor shellstrop, secret winchester

given her age she’s a little older than Sam which means Eleanor and Sam are MIDDLE CHILDREN. She considers herself the Oldest Sibling because she does, jerkoff, and if you have a problem with that you can eat her farts!!!

she inherited the important Winchester gene to repress repress repress.

she’s a TERRIBLE hunter, she HATES it, but she is excellent at remembering random connections between hunters. She’s like imdb for for hunters. 

Chidi hosts ethics classes for interested supernatural beings. Meg is his best student. 

Bela is alive because I say so and always tries to get Eleanor to work with her. She also tries to seduce Tahani three times a year. 

Garth and Jason are BEST. BUDS.

Pillboi becomes part of the hunter’s network sourcing blood and organs for creatures who don’t want to murder humans. This means he has a bunch of incredibly dangerous supernatural beings with a vested interest in his well being. Pillboi might date Benny at some point.

Sam is constantly trying to get Eleanor to TALK about her FEELINGS, like, fork off, man! Just because we share a dad doesn’t mean we’re FAMILY.

Michael to Sam: i was totally rooting for you to take over hell. it’s so exciting to meet you! like meeting royalty that isn’t racist or imperialist. so not like meeting royalty at all.

dean: what the fuck is jeremy bearimy

sam: this broke me. the dot over the i.

getting drunk and swapping Traumatic Childhood™ stories with her brothers and realizing that they have a lot in common, actually, and maybe they aren’t as terrible as she thought

she and Sam bond over striking out on their own

Adam is the only one of them who had even SLIGHTLY a normal childhood and he’s just like. guys you all need therapy. 

SAYS THE DUDE WITH AN ARCHANGEL AS HIS COPILOT, Eleanor says

she and dean watch Venom together and have this slow-dawning realization that THIS is what Adam and Michael’s relationship is, WHAT THE HELL

going to bars and having competitions over who can get the most numbers

eleanor giving dean the Talk about liking dudes

at some point just yelling at him that he loves cas, now would dean PLEASE get his head out of his ash and DO something about it, we are SO TIRED of your heteronormativity, dude!!!

“if I can finish college you sure as fork can” and she dumps a bunch of nontraditional student info on Sam

Eleanor helping during investigations because “i’m a world-class liar, baby!”

she and Sam also bond over their hatred of clowns

teaches Sam some signs that she knows but they’re all VERY suggestive and she doesn’t tell him that. She’s got your back, Eileen

Eleanor flirting with Billie, accidentally has a threesome with her and Rowena

Dean making her elaborate shrimp dishes when she’s sad (usually when Chidi has to go lecture somewhere)

Eleanor: I’m an Arizona dirtbag but YOU are serial killers. I’m gonna be the velociraptor of this family.

(has big “a TRANSFORMER is the scribe of god???” “that’s megatron” energy)

She and Jason ask Sam for HYPOTHETICAL legal advice

for some reason can’t use her nephilim powers until after she dies and comes back

#WinchestersNeverDie

she doesn’t really use them for anything except shrimp and margaritas and pranks

is Jack’s vodka aunt

he just BEAMS every time he sees her

teaches Jack normal human behaviors since NONE of his fathers are even remotely normal

“oh my god, NO Jack, don’t return your cart to the cart corral. leave it in the parking space. that’s what humans do.”

she’s helped a demon through an existential moral crisis. jack’s soul stuff? not a big deal. she’ll walk him through it.

loans him some of her powers so maybe he doesn’t even need to use his soul

“this kid is too nice. satan is your dad. be meaner, jack”

“this is my cousin, the son of the devil, who uses his magical godlike powers to right the wrongs of the world. i am the child of gabriel, the angel who explained shirt to people, and i use my magical godlike powers to manifest a never ending supply of shrimp”

“are we SURE i am not lucifer’s child?”

Gabe: nope kiddo you’re mine

Gabe: this sarcasm-fueled trashbag is my daughter and i love her very much

they go cop tipping on weekends which is where they flip over cop cars

you know those posts that talk about Gabe being Jesus’ dad? That

Eleanor: i’m sorry the FUCK do you mean JC is my BROTHER

Eleanor, five hours and a panic attack later: are there any other famous siblings I should know about????

Gabe: well we don’t talk about Rasputin

Sam: i’m sorry WHAT

she never meets soulless!sam which is good because pre-death Eleanor and soulless!sam would have been like. ponzi-scheme and bounce to bermuda with the money types

Crowley proposes to her once a month

also the height difference between her and her brothers is VERY important and hilarious

she’s yelling at Sam about something and Dean picks her up and stands her on a table so she can be eye to eye with him

[cleverthylacine]

ask meme ! #3 or 4 . maybe for any particular ravwave scene? your library is so sprawling but I am interested in whichever you want to talk about !!

I don't know if this is the best line of dialogue, but here is one I am very fond of. When Soundwave says that "Apologies taste better in person," in A Few Small Repairs...

I think a lot of people just say, oh well, that's synaesthesia, that's just Soundwave.

But it's very important, because he and Ravage have reciprocal synaesthesias.

Soundwave does not experience the physical synaesthesias that Ravage does--the bleedover between smell, taste, touch and proprioception. He's got the bleedover between telepathy, electromagnetics, hearing and sight. So when he says this to her, he is thinking about her experience of the apology he wants to make to her for the mistakes he's made over the years of her cassettification (and specifically for the very mean thing he did by asking her to kill Megatron of all people).

He's thinking of how she's going to feel about it, not how he's going to feel about it. He's more or less made his peace with the terrible things he did, both because a lot of them were the result of ignorance and the mean one was the result of feeling betrayed, and he knows he will never do anything like that again, but he needs to make her feel whole.

Narrative:

The dance sequence in chapter 8 of Designs and Persuasions is one of my favourite things I've ever written because: Ravage thinks the way she experiences living and moving in her body is normal, even though she intellectually knows that it is not.

It's the only way she's ever been embodied all her entire life. Writing about Ravage dancing from the POV of Soundwave dancing with her, and how he experiences the sensation of being Ravage dancing in Ravage's body, and what it was like to learn dance from her, particularly since he doesn't have that operating system and his body was not made to do that, and how that helped with his focus... it was just. It was a trip to imagine and a trip to write and I showed it to another friend of mine who is a dancer before I posted it and got his thoughts on it, and it was kind of like an expansion of the synaesthetic sex scenes I wrote for them in the first chapter of Designs and the last chapter of Repairs, only I could go into it very deeply because their minds were not fuzzy with lust. And then Soundwave's meltdown when the analysis of Marissa's data going on in the background came to completion and the shape of that data construct was so painful...!

I love, love, love writing as Soundwave but I absolutely couldn't do it for an entire fic. He is vast. He contains multitudes, and sometimes i think half the reason he never outright rebelled against some of the shite Megs pulled in the bad days is that it just overwhelmed him.

Love & Darkness will have some very trippy Soundwave bits in it, because when we first see him in that fic, he's blasting music down by the pier and Ravage is dancing and he's doing it just because he wants her to keep dancing and Drift thinks he's the absolute worst creeper ever lmfao and Soundwave is still in that state where he can't articulate first person.

That is something that all the old Soundwaves had in common. Not CV Wave, but most of the Waves, they have the hardest time saying "I" and when they can do it they're comfortable.

I'm also having fun, in Designs and Persuasions, with the mindlink experiments they're doing.

Rafael and Cosmos would like to never have Spinister involved in that again though kthx.

[katsidhe]

could you share the descriptions of the answers? I'm bad at answering these quizzes cause I always get like 3 answers that fit but in different circumstances so I like seeing all of the descriptions

Yeah sure! I too wish uquiz gave an option to see all the result descriptions... alas. 

anyway here’s a wall of text, go nuts. 

DEAN-CODED DEAN GIRL

You might just be the hero of a YA fantasy novel or an action movie, because you have Big Protag Energy. You’re self-centered and extremely giving at the same time: you expect and demand absolute loyalty, just as you provide the same. Your love can move mountains, but if you’re not careful that same love can be suffocating or controlling. You’re volatile: you’ll cut a bitch and you don’t care who knows it. You’ll kick their ass. You’ll kick their dog’s ass. You’ll kick your own ass. You have a one-liner for every occasion. Your friends like you but would describe you as “a lot.” You’re magnetic: your charisma and sheer bull-headedness mean you stand out in every room. You’re polarizing, and you know it, but that doesn’t bother you: you know you’re right, and even when you’re wrong, you’re at least entertaining. You’re very “do as I say, not as I do:” you’re a bit of a hypocrite, but, like, in a fun way.  

Holotypes include: Dean Winchester (Supernatural), Thomas Jefferson (Hamilton), Sirius Black (Harry Potter), Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager), Katara (ATLA), Vriska Serket (Homestuck)

DEAN-CODED SAM GIRL

You are a charmer and a people-pleaser. You’re charismatic to a fault, when you want to be: whether consciously or not, you have a razor-keen sense of how others see you, and you mold yourself to expectations. You can either talk circles around most people, or you come across as so fundamentally honest that you gain everyone’s trust without trying. Your affable persona is built on a rock-solid sense of purpose. You have a steadfast, deadset fixation on your goals, which you know in your heart to be worth any cost and any sacrifice. Armed with iron conviction, you’re a rebel with a cause. Is it paranoia if they really are all out to get you? When you inevitably win, the whole world will know your name. Your strong sense of self will carry you through any hardship. Your friends look up to you, but they don’t always “get” you. 

Holotypes include: Lucifer (Supernatural), Eponine (Les Mis), Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Prince Zuko (ATLA), Samwise Gamgee (LOTR), Karkat Vantas (Homestuck)

DEAN-CODED CAS GIRL 

Like all Dean-coded people, you are charming and affable, and you talk a big game. You might be the class clown or a popular athlete, or otherwise one of them cool kids, but underlying that public persona is a certain quiet idealism. You keep your strong convictions close to your heart, even when far from home or beset by strife. You’re fiercely loyal and you crave being around people, but you can see when your friends need space, and you can get along okay on your own. You’re not afraid to change your opinions if new information comes to light. Strangers find you easy to get along with: you tend to go along with the group, and you’re a team player no matter what needs to get done. Your chill-to-pull ratio is sky-high.

Holotypes include: Ahsoka (Star Wars), Meg (Supernatural), Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson), Ginny Weasley (Harry Potter), Boromir (LOTR), Jon Snow (Game of Thrones)

SAM-CODED DEAN GIRL

You come across as level headed, but you’re never more than an inch from going off the rails. Your highest values are love and personal loyalty, but you’re pragmatic about it, and you try very hard not to put unfair expectations on other people, with varying degrees of success. You spend a lot of time dealing with expectations; it’s something you either grapple with, or lean into to use to your own ends. You value your own sense of identity, but that identity can get subsumed by your loyalties. You can easily get pulled in or suborned by strong personalities. You keep secrets, both from yourself and from others. Who you want to be is at odds with how you see yourself. People meeting you for the first time might say you’re aloof. You have lots of strong opinions, but you usually keep them to yourself… unless provoked. Careful; you bite. 

Holotypes include: Mary Winchester (Supernatural), Harry Potter (Harry Potter), Aragorn (LOTR), Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars), Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Katniss Everdeen (Hunger Games) 

SAM-CODED SAM GIRL

Gifted kid (diagnosis). You were and maybe still are an outsider, and because of that you’ve had to learn to be self-sufficient and confident in your own abilities. You’re a fiercely independent overachiever, and you’ve fought hard for every inch. Somewhere inside you is a hot, long simmering rage born from the injustice of the world, but it’s buried very deep. You’d be more than content to be alone for long periods of time. You have sometimes crippling perfectionism: if you aren’t succeeding, it’s your fault for not trying hard enough. You’ll pick every kind of intellectual fight and throw yourself into playing devil’s advocate just to improve your understanding: you see the gray areas in everything. You’re aggressively big-picture. You want to, no, you MUST change the universe, but you don’t need to take credit for it. Your few friends might describe you as callous, but you know you’re just being realistic: you’ve got a harsh, clear-eyed sense of the world. No pain, no gain, and really, if you do the math, no single individual is all that important in the grand scheme of things.  

Holotypes include: Kevin Tran (Supernatural), Jean Valjean (Les Miserables), Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars), Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter), Frodo Baggins (LOTR), Dirk Strider (Homestuck), Luke Castellan (Percy Jackson)

SAM-CODED CAS GIRL

You have a strong sense of how the world ought to be, but you have no overriding vision or big master plan: you take life day by day to fix the little things you can. You have very few close relationships, but those you have you treasure dearly. You support your few friends unconditionally, but you tend to be emotionally distant with acquaintances. You may be a bit of a pushover. You often find yourself put in the position of mediator. You loathe conflict, so you avoid it unless absolutely necessary--but once you’re truly angry, you’ll stop at nothing to see justice done. You’re a diplomat and an advocate: you are deeply idealistic, but you’re nevertheless strongly grounded in a pragmatic sense of achieving what you can. Philosophy is action, action is philosophy; you like meditation and self-improvement and have probably done at least one juice cleanse. Both friends and strangers describe you as quietly dependable. If you can’t see the trauma, the trauma can’t see you! That’s just science!

Holotypes include: Sam Winchester (Supernatural), BJ Hunnicut (M*A*S*H), Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Aang (ATLA), Luke Skywalker (Star Wars), Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson)

CAS-CODED DEAN GIRL

Much of your identity is tied up in a set of core beliefs - to the point where those beliefs might be strong enough to override your identity. You’re not beholden to any outside system. If you’re comfortable serving a larger common goal, it’s because you believe in it wholeheartedly. You’re action-oriented: you act first, and think later, or possibly never. You judge your friends solely based on what they do, and you tend to hold people accountable for any unforeseen consequences of their choices. You have strong personal loyalties. You’re not at the center of your social circle, but your friends trust you implicitly and the leader of your group tends to confide in you. You don’t seek power, but you’re also not afraid of taking charge, and you may find power thrust upon you. If you do find yourself in a position of leadership, you struggle with going too far or taking your friends in an unexpected direction. Whether you’re fighting in a war or making yourself a sandwich, you go hard in the motherfuckin’ paint.

Holotypes include: Castiel (Supernatural), Javert (Les Miserables), Captain Rex (Star Wars), Kanaya Maryam (Homestuck), Worf (Star Trek), Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)

CAS-CODED SAM GIRL

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you’re a bit weird. You are spacey or odd or otherwise out of step with how people think you should act, but that’s fine. It doesn’t matter what they think, because if you’re sure of one thing, it’s that you should never mold your unique identity to other people’s expectations. You live internally: you’re all about grand, world-changing concepts, whether they be philosophical, artistic, or mathematical. You are grounded in the reality that you are one person and one viewpoint among many others, but that doesn’t stop you from writing your nine-hundred page thesis on the topic you’re passionate about. You can justify just about anything by the virtue of your personal convictions arising almost entirely from within yourself. Your identity can get swept up in your big ideas. You’re easier to sway with logic than with emotion, but you don’t feel the need to confine yourself with such terms: you operate on both vibes and flowcharts. You move through the world with the assurance that you are the master of your own fate, and you are unburdened by worrying about the opinions of others. You won’t let yourself feel pinned down by one social group; you float in and out comfortably, depending on how you’re feeling. Friends and strangers describe you as “spooky.”

Holotypes include: Azazel (Supernatural), Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter), Aaron Burr (Hamilton), Princess Azula (ATLA), Yoda (Star Wars), Jadzia Dax (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Terezi Pyrope (Homestuck)

CAS-CODED CAS GIRL

You are chaotic and excitable. You’re swayed by the drive to explore: the greatest good is to understand the universe and your place in it. You’ve got big ideas, and you’re drawn to new experiences, but you don’t necessarily understand what’s going on. You might be a part of a bigger social machine, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be defined on its terms: you’ll self-actualize if it kills you. You identify new objects by licking them. You can see the strings of the world; what will you choose? You’ll take the reins and see where they take you. You say you’re following your own path. Your friends say you don’t know what you’re doing. Pragmatism? Never heard of her. A dream is a vision is a reality; ideas are the world writ large. You might be a prophet or a visionary. With your head in the clouds, you’re sometimes divorced from both reality and consequences. You’re usually on the outside looking in, and you don’t want to be. People think they understand you, but they definitely don’t. Your friends and enemies describe you as impulsive and mysterious. 

Holotypes include: Raphael (Supernatural), Uncle Iroh (ATLA), Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter), Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars), Gandalf (LOTR)

[jdunkirk]

if you haven't read the lovely and amazing "crash and burn" by @aureutr, i highly highly highly recommend it, it's one of my all time favorite fics!!!

with this said, i am a man with little to no chill with my fixations, and i took the self appointed job to translate a speech from it into mando'a, for funsies :) apologies to those who don't see my read more, but i'm going to do this

under the cut shall be the speech, broken by sentences in indents, followed by my attempt at mando'a, and some things i have to say, if there is anything!

This is a message to anyone who considers themself a Mandalorian.

Ibic din'jor at an aala Mando'ad.

1st, the thing that made this take the most time was just the fact that mando'a will drop lots of information/words, leaving it up to context or word order to be implied! so nearly every sentence is shortened quite a bit, as a 1-to-1 translation would be way too lengthy for mandalorian tastes

the first word i had to invent was "message", din'jor being my result. i drew from the words "gift" and "to give" which share the root din, and the root jor which relates a lot to language, speech, and talking, thinking it was a "given speech." as an agglutinative language, mando'a would probably have lots of words like this, and looking at the vocab i've collected it sure seems to, as some of these roots are seen in lots of words that have similar or related meanings :)

roughly, it translates as "This message is to all who feel they are Mandalorian."

I am the Manda'lor and I am calling you home.

Ni cuy'Mand'alor, jor'chaaji yaim.

2nd, verbs! the verbs, as listed on all translators and dictionaries online, end with a vowel and a rhotic sound (-ar, -er, etc), but this translates as the infinitive form of the verb when used! for example, hibirar is "to learn", but saying ni hibirar is grammatically inaccurate. you would say ni hibira, dropping the -r, to say "i learn"

cuyir is especially interesting to me, as even the -i can be dropped and the verb fused to the following thing, a kind of way to especially show what you are or what something is!

i flip flopped on translating the definitive "the" as mando'a uses it mostly in emphasis, and i wasn't sure if it should be noted as special that way. i settled on "it's a big enough deal just to say it" and left it simpler!

roughly, it means "I am Mand'alor, calling you home."

For too long our people have been flung out across the galaxy.

Or'ca'nara droten re'or'goora dos oyu.

3rd, some new vocab again! this time, it's mostly just fusions onto existing words to give them a different meaning. rather than using "long" as a way to describe the time frame, i settled on something that means "a long/extreme time" since it felt concise while better capturing the specific feeling :O a similar thing extends to re'or'goora, using the root verb and attaching the "extreme" affix to create "to throw hard, fling" from just "to throw" :)

oyu is technically a new word, as it's not listed in the dictionaries i used, but i took the root from "galactic", since adjectives and adverbs consistently attach a suffix to make new words, -yc or -la!

roughly, it means "Too long have our people been flung across (the) galaxy."

Our strength once came from our numbers and now too many of us are separated and alone.

Cuun kot r'olaro teg soletyce, naysol mhi dar'tome, solus.

4th, a moment about pronouns! depending on where you look, you might get a few different results for "we," "us," "our," and "ours" especially. i double checked over a few different sources to verify which translations are most appropriate to use, and the common ones to use end up being cuun and mhi. the uncommon ones are vi and mhor, being listed as archaic mando'a.

mando'a differentiates from english/basic in pronouns as the pronouns stand for both the nominative and accusative versions (I and me, etc). the other pronoun is the genitive or possessive version (my/mine).

roughly, this means "Our strength came from our numbers, but too many of us are separated and alone."

Come to Concordia.

Olaro Concordia.

5th, i debated about trying to transcribe a kind of mando'a name for concordia. it kept me hung up for a while, not sure what it could be or if i should even do it. in the end i couldn't think of anything and left it, but truthfully it still bugs me >:( it doesn't seem extremely out of place, admittedly, so it isn't the end of the world by any means!

We will be sending ships to gather as many as we can, but come any way you can.

Ven'mashuki me'sene joruur sa birov lise, olaro an arase gar lise.

this translation should be quite close :)

The Mandalorian way is to allow any who wish to swear a creed to become one of us.

Mando'ara duumi an meg vore urmanka tomur cuun.

6th, a couple original vocab choices again! there wasn't an easy way to translate creed, so i took from the verb "to believe" thinking it was like a "belief or faith." truthfully i'm not fully pleased with it, but it was another thing that had me way too hung up so i felt i should just pick something and move on.

the last bit, tomur cuun, was a last minute change honestly. originally, i had it as cu'laror solus, but upon reflecting i felt it was too literal and wordy again. i made up tomur, which i define as "to join or become smth"

roughly, this means "The Mandalorian Way allows those who accept a creed to join us."

If you hear this message and wish to do this you are also welcome.

Susulu din'jor bal vercopaani, gar balyc olarom.

roughly, this means "(If) you hear this message and wish (to do so), you are also welcome.

But know that the training is long and hard.

A kar'tayli bajur munit, urakto.

this should translate closely again!

Too many of our wars have been against each other for differences in creed, or in clan.

Naysol akaane ru'cui tio'r mhi par urmanka, aliit.

roughly, this means "Too many wars were within us for creed, or clan."

We cannot continue this and also rebuild our home, our culture.

Nu'sla'nri bal tu'gotal'u cuun yaim, manda.

7th, conjugation and vocab! the negation of something is doing by either a stand alone article or a prefix, depending on the extent of negation. with just "continue this" being the negated part, i settled on nu' rather than ne' because i felt it sounded better.

for "rebuild," i picked the verb gotal'ur, "to make or create" and extended that as "to build," then i attached tug which seems to be the root for "repeating, again."

for culture, i settled on manda which actually stands for this rather large and powerful concept in mando belief. in short, it's the "soul" of being a Mandalorian, as an individual and also as a collective. that last bit is what really stood out to me, so i settled on that, as it's short, sweet, and very fitting in my eyes.

roughly, this means "We cannot continue (this) and rebuild our home, our culture/soul."

And so I also come before you to declare that from today onward Mandalore has a primary guiding principle.

Ni balyc rejorhaa'i, ibi'tuur, ratiin, Manda'yaim gana alor'yc ruusaar.

roughly, this means "I also announce, from today and always, Mandalore has a leading principle."

People before all else.

Adate ru an ashi.

used Reu's translation for this :)

This is the Way.

Cui te Ara.

8th, the debate about definitive-ness was settled here, finally! it felt appropriate for The Way to be the definitive noun out of them all, given how important it is. ibic cuyi te ara could be correct, but it's just a little wordy for mando'a, so "this" is dropped and cuyi is simplified further, rather than it's affix form when attaching to nouns.

Reu translates "this is the way" as cuy te yust in her work, which i somehow overlooked when i was doing my own translation, lol. i think it fits just as well, as yust could translate as "way or path," so really which translation one picks is a matter of preference!

Mandalore is calling you home.

Manda'yaim jor'chaaji gar.

roughly, this means "Mandalor is calling you." i dropped the redundant yaim for home, since it's already in the mando'a name for Mandalore.

will i do a project like this again in the future? maybe...... gotta find something that tickles that pickle again, but i had a lot of fun with it so i'm probably gonna keep those eyes open :) thanks for reading <3

[samwenahetbait]

Supernatural, Season 7, and the Positive and Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia/Psychosis

I just finished season 7 of Supernatural. Season 7 and Sam’s arc, and later Cas’ arc, interested me a lot because I’m schizoaffective (schizoaffective being schizophrenia plus a mood disorder, either bipolar or depression, in my case depression).

I’ve done a lot of research on the disorder and spectrum of disorders and when watching the beginning of honey!Cas I thought this would be a really interesting way to show the ways the show does and doesn’t portray psychotic disorders well.

I’ll be using both Sam and Cas, Sam for positive symptoms and Cas for negative symptoms, and evaluating them for how accurate they are to DSM 5 criteria for psychosis, criteria for schizophrenia (understanding that neither of them could be diagnosed due to duration and the magical nature of their problem), and accuracy to personal experience (not all psychotic experiences are the same, obviously, so this is not the most accurate test, but lets do it anyways lol)

This is gonna be long, so more under the cut!

So a bit of background of the DSM 5 criteria for schizophrenia and DSM 4 criteria for psychosis not otherwise specified, which is still in use in hospitals and doctors offices and would definitely still be used in 2012. The DSM 5 criteria for schizophrenia includes two or more of the following, with one having to be one of the first three: hallucinations, delusions (things that you believe as true even when presented evidence you’re false), disorganized speech, grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior, negative symptoms. The duration must be for six months including prodrome (mostly negative symptoms), with at least one month of active symptoms.

The DSM 4 says psychosis not otherwise specified includes delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech, grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior about which the doctor cannot make another, better diagnosis.

Positive Symptoms

“Positive” and “negative” symptoms are a bit misleading. what they really mean are positive symptoms are things the disorder adds that aren’t there originally (hallucinations, delusions, disordered speech), and negative symptoms are things that are taken away (blunted affect, poverty of speech, avolition or lack of energy)

[ID: Sam looks to the left. He says “he’s singing “stairway to heaven” right now.” End ID]

Sam is our character who experiences positive symptoms with Hallucifer. There are multiple types of hallucinations, the most common being auditory. Combination auditory and visual hallucinations are possible but they’re more rare than the media makes you believe.

Sam has a stereotypical case of what an outsider with no research may think psychosis or schizophrenia is - he has a voice that will not let him sleep, that constantly bothers him. Sam qualifies for Psychosis Not Otherwise Specified in that he has a prominent hallucination and does not qualify for another disorder.

What’s interesting about Sam’s psychosis to me watching, though, was the hallucination was the only sign of psychosis he had. It was severe and caused depression, derealization, dissociation, and insomnia but he never had delusions outside of the hallucinations, never had disordered speech outside of sleep deprivation, never had bizarre movements or disorganized behaviors. The only way to get a schizophrenia diagnosis with only hallucinations is if you have two or more voices who talk to each other, which he does not have. Sam would absolutely not qualify for a schizophrenia diagnosis.

As for personal experience - I’ve been hospitalized because voices have made it impossible for me to sleep so this arc hit close to home. I thought at times he was a little too well put together and honestly think there were moments in the season the writers forgot he was actively hallucinating. I thought that besides only having hallucinations and it being the Hollywood hallucination Sam’s arc with his “voice” was fairly easy for me to empathize with - but not easy for anyone else to treat him with respect. Here’s a link to a quiz I made about which ableist phrase used against Sam in season 7 you are

Negative Symptoms

[ID: Meg, in a nurses outfit, crosses her arms. Castiel’s profile is seen. Meg says “He’s been like the naked guy at the rave ever since he woke up.” End ID]

Cas, when absorbing Sam’s hell trauma, originally has his one positive symptom - hallucinations of Lucifer. However, after he wakes up from his coma he has one and a half noticeable positive symptoms and one and a half marked negative symptoms.

Cas experiences some form of hallucination (he tells Sam that he “sees everything” when asked what he sees) but it’s unclear what he means by this. He has noticeable disorganized speech however in that he will end conversations during important discussions and change the topic, which is an aspect of disorganized speech.

I would also argue Cas experiences a negative symptoms known in disorganized schizophrenia particularly, although anyone with psychosis can have it: inappropriate affect. Some people with schizophrenia will laugh during moments when they should be crying or show inappropriate emotional responses, uncontrolled. Cas doesn’t seem to have control over his emotions and will make jokes and laugh during tense or upsetting situations. Part of that is also due to his complete disconnect with reality and what is happening in the situation. It could also be argued he experienced disorganized movement or catatonia, as we see him staring blankly and sitting still at the end of 7.17.

Castiel definitely qualifies for PNOS through his disconnect with reality, possible hallucinations, and disorganized speech, as well as with inappropriate affect and possible catatonia. Despite having more on the list than Sam he still doesn’t qualify for schizophrenia.

This is getting longer than anticipated so I’ll try to make this section shorter. I don’t think honey!cas was written to be psychotic. I don’t think he was written with an illness in mind. I don’t think either of them were. I think Cas was written to be funny crazy and Sam to be scary crazy. But in writing a funny crazy character the writers accidentally hit somewhere personal as someone living with the cognitive and neurological effects of schizoaffective. I watched honey!cas on a bad cognitive day and sobbed when they were mean to him because I related to the disorganized speech and the inappropriate behavior. Is it good representation? No. It’s exaggerated and ridiculed. It’s deeply ableist. And the way the writer’s treat him and have others treat him is deeply ableist. But I did find myself relating and rooting for him.

Fandom Response

I haven’t been in Supernatural fandom long (four months) and being involved with fandom while watching the show has been interesting. I’ve had pretty much everything at least somewhat spoiled so I was excited to see honey!cas and psychotic Sam in something other than gifs. I’ve seen maybe three people talk about sam’s psychosis, maybe because I don’t follow enough sam blogs, but it’s not something I’ve seen a lot of. everyone i’ve seen has been psychotic and made it clear he’s a psychotic character or been supportive of viewing him as psychotic. But honey!cas is very popular and...sexualized?

I’ve seen two responses to honey!cas: he’s so crazy or he’s so slutty. I’m going to ask both of those groups of people to see the character as a person experiencing cognitive issues and a break from reality. Not saying not to talk about honey!cas - he’s interesting, but please don’t sexualize him for being quirky when by quirky you mean delusional and please don’t do the opposite and demonize him for being vulnerable (and if that’s crazy. you should see me off my meds)

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

A Talk Under the Stars

@megatraven and @catlovingwitch and @aallotarenunelma (just in case you'd like to read my writing, sorry if not).

This is an Alex x MC fic!! I saw a post of Meg's talking about Alex and how fate is confusing for them since they're a demigod. I saw that and was like, "hmmm...angst idea....". And I'm finally writing it!! I hope you both enjoy it :). MC is 7 in this fic and Alex is 12. I wanted it to maybe be teenagers for both but decided against it. The age mention isn't necessarily important but MC is described as young and I wanted to make it clear how old she is.

I wanted fluff and anxiety and being a teen causes anxiety (for Alex), so here we go!

.

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Today was a day that Alex couldn't wait for. On certain days, their mother would let MC come over and see them. They were usually busy with the other divine beings on Olympus or following their mother, but today was a day they could see MC.

Sure, it sounds weird to be so excited to see one person, but they truly were happy. MC was young and adored everything about Olympus and them, so seeing her was always a treat. She would always ask questions, point at everything shiny, want to touch everything, and just be with them. They loved it.

However, that happiness was dimmed with another emotion. It was one they couldn't describe, one they still didn't know how to handle. They tried to push it away today, but they couldn't. Every time they looked at any person or even object relating to Olympus and it's history, it made their mind focus back on their issue.

They were a demigod surrounded by Gods. Surrounded by some God's who looked down upon humans and treated demigods different. Their mother treated them like she treated all of her children. She was fair with them and made sure that they knew they were amazing, strong, and deserved to be here, but sometimes they thought differently. Sometimes they thought that they didn't deserve to be on Olympus, or thought that maybe their mother was trying to lie to them. They didn't know why they thought like this, but they did. And they hated it.

But they put on a smile and tried to push those feelings away as they saw MC running towards them. They were in their estate and MC and her mother finally arrived. They were ready to spend their day together.

.

MC and Alex were now laying in the grass, looking up at the night sky. They were laying on their backs next to each other and holding hands. They spent the whole day together, and with their mothers, and were relaxing before they had to say goodbye. They were in Aphrodite's backyard and talking while looking at the beautiful sky. Alex was telling funny stories and MC was sharing her own. But when it went silent, MC could see the sadness on their face.

"Alex," MC said in a soft voice. Her voice that was usually loud with excitement was now dimmed with worry.

They looked over at her and hummed in response.

"Something's wrong. You look...upset."

They sighed and smiled at her fondly. "Oh. I'm alright. Just a little tired." They tried to push the topic away, but that didn't work with her. It never seemed to. She always somehow knew something was wrong.

"No, you're not. You were just excited, but now your smile is gone and you just...don't look happy." She struggled to explain what she saw, but she knew they understood. They knew they weren't hiding anything well.

They looked back up at the sky and thought things through. They always tried to put their thoughts and doubts into actual words when talking with others, but they never worked. They never came out right and they never felt better. Well, never felt truly better. But, they wanted to try again. Maybe MC could understand them.

"I'm just thinking about how I'm different."

"How you're different?" She asked slowly with confusion.

"Yeah. I'm not a full blooded God. I'm only half."

"I know that. But why are you thinking about it?" She asked curiously, not knowing that it was a very difficult question to answer.

They went silent again as they thought their words through. "It's because it makes me different." They knew that didn't make sense, but that was the way they could express it.

MC let out a hum and thought as well. She looked back up at the stars, hoping they would give her an answer, but she had to think of her own. "There's nothing wrong with being different, Alex," is what she decided on. And it was what she really thought.

They laughed softly and shook their head. "But it's not a good different. It's a different that people look down upon. A difference that makes me feel left out."

MC gasped softly and squeezed their hand tightly. "Alex! Who's making you feel left out? Can I yell at them?" Her voice was high with slight anger and she felt truly upset about that. About the idea of them feeling left out and hurt.

They laughed and looked back over at her to see her already looking at them. She had a pout on her face and looked angry while also looking worried. It made her look cute and they gave her a sweet smile.

"No. I don't think punching someone could solve this issue. It's been going on for too long. Even before my time."

"Well, what is it? Maybe I can help." She smiled at them and it put them at slight ease.

"Demigods are treated differently. Most of the time, they are seen as below everyone else. It's not necessarily that we aren't accepted, it's just that...we're not good enough. It's why Zeus keeps putting Hercules through many trails."

"Ugh," MC said at the mention of Zeus. "I'm tired of hearing about Zeus. He makes me tired, and I don't even see him!"

Alex laughed and it brought their spirits up a bit. "Well, yeah. He makes everyone tired sometimes. Thankfully, I don't deal with him much."

"But what else is bothering you? There's got to be something else!" She was curious about everything, and now she wanted to know more about Alex. She knew many things, but she didn't seem to know much about what's really going on.

They looked back up at the stars, once again. Looking at them made it easier for them to talk. "Do you want to know a secret?"

MC gasped with excitement and nodded vigorously.

"You're a human, and one thing about being human is that you get to choose your own fate. You're not bound by anything. You have free will and can decide anything you want."

MC's eyes widened and she looked happy. "That's really cool to know." Then she remember why they were telling her this. "Why does it make you sad?"

"The God's have fate. They are bound by it. I don't know if they can change it, but they are bound. But I'm half. What does that mean for me? Am I bound to something that I can never change? Am I doomed?" Their questions kept coming out of them and their fear began to come back. Fate wasn't the only thing bothering them, but that one topic truly did bug them.

"Maybe it's in the middle."

Their eyebrows furrowed with confusion and they looked back over at her. She was looking at the stars as well with a small smile. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe you do have a fate. Maybe you are bound. But...maybe it's a loose string. Like on a sweater. A loose string is there and you can either leave it alone or cut it off. Maybe you are bound by a string and can either let it take its course, or cut it off and make your own fate." She looked over at them when she was done and laughed when she saw the look on their face. They looked confused, but also like they had a revelation.

Like they finally realized something.

And then they looked down at their intertwined hands and felt worry. Worry for them, but also for her. "But what if I ruin it?" They whispered this and felt scared. They were scared something bad could happen if they dared to tempt fate at all.

"You could never ruin it. As long as you have faith and hope, you can do anything!" Her voice was excited and they knew she believed in them. But they still couldn't believe in themselves.

"But-".

"Alex. Let me ask you some questions."

They nodded and let her take the lead this time. Maybe her being excited would take their mind off of things.

However, she wouldn't let this topic go. She wouldn't let things end without them feeling comfortable.

She lifted her hand above her and she made them do the same. "Look at our hands together. Tell me what's different."

They did as told and looked at their hands. "Yours is smaller than mine."

She nodded and hummed. "Exactly. But is there any other difference you see?"

"No."

"Now, imagine your moms hand. Is there any difference?"

"No."

"Exactly! Now how about our hearts?" She grabbed their hand and placed it against her chest and she placed hers against theirs. After a few moments, they both felt the others heart beat. They were both calm and almost had the same rhythm. "Is there any difference here?"

They shook their head with a smile as they looked at her.

She moved their hands to be intertwined again and resting in-between them. "Exactly! And other than our physical appearances, we have more things in common. We have hearts, we have faces, we have the same body functions, we have voices, we can move, and almost everything is the same! So how could we really be different from each other?"

They thought about what she meant. They were practically the same. The only thing different was the blood in their veins. They had Aphrodite's blood in their veins. They were her child, had a sliver of her powers, and were divine. But...when they thought about it, they weren't that different from humans. Even Aphrodite wasn't different. Neither were the others.

"Everyone here may have powers, but if you take that away, what do you have left? You have someone like me."

"Are you comparing yourself to a God?" They smirked at her and she nodded with excitement.

"Yes! You may see a difference, but I do not. Maybe I'm too young to see it, but I don't see one. If humans can live the same way as the Gods, then we're not truly different. And so you're not different from a God." She said this with authority and as if she was right, and Alex loved it. She was young, yet believed what she thought was right.

They both looked back up at the stars and everything MC said made their heart feel better. They knew she didn't understand everything, but maybe she understood more things than they did. She experienced life above and on the surface. She witnessed how divine and mortals lived, and she didn't see a difference. Her eyes saw a person equally in both places.

But Alex was taught to see differences. They were told there was a difference, that there was a huge difference. But being with MC right now made them think that maybe there isn't one. Maybe their strength is the only difference. Maybe everyone is different while also being truly the same. That thought made them feel better, and they were more grateful that they had someone like MC by their side. And they intended to keep her there, no matter what fate or differences there were between them.

And that other feeling inside of them was growing. It was always around and it grew bigger each time they saw MC, and they wonder what it is. They think they'll know what it is once they get older, or that's what they hope.

And they sure did, but not in the way they wanted.

.

.

Their back felt uncomfortable as they sat in the infirmary chair. They were staring at MC as she laid in the bed. She hit her head very hard from Deukalions attack, and their heart felt heavy. Everything felt hard and it hurt to breathe for a few moments. She was alive and that was the biggest relief, but the fact that something worse could've happened kept plaquing their mind.

They think this is their fault, that all of this happened because of their own desires, and they remember what MC told them under the stars all those years ago.

"You compared yourself to a God, MC. But...you're not a God," they whispered out. Their hand was clutching the golden heart they always wore and it was just a reminder of their differences. "You can't take a God's strength away, so there will always be a difference between us."

They both grew up and that conversation kept appearing in their mind these days. She wanted to be right, but she wasn't. There is a difference between Gods and mortals. There always would be. Especially, their fates. MC had free will, and Alex still doesn't know what they have. But they do know what full blooded God's have. They have a fate, and any human that is roped into it it is already set up for doom.

They felt their eyes water at that thought. At the mere thought that they could've just ruined her life because of their blood, because of their connection to Olympus. It hurt, and they were lost. They didn't know what to do, they didn't know how to protect her, they didn't know what to do.

But they did know something, or they believe they knew it. They believed that they knew the ending of this. They read many greek tales and they even experienced one along MC. They knew what happens to humans roped into a divine fate, and they wouldn't let her end up being another victim.

Not now. Not ever.

So, even if it hurt them, they hoped they could change her fate for her. Even if it meant destroying their own fate that they dreamed of.

.

.

SOOO!!! THIS!! Wasn't as good as I kind of wanted it. I wanted MC to make Alex realize that there isn't a different between mortal and divine. Or at least make it seem that kid MC believed it and maybe make Alex believe it. But ended it with Alex realizing no. There is a difference. And by the ending of destroying their own fate, I meant that they destroyed the idea of being with her by ending things.

Like they could either be with her and end up a tragedy in the end, or save her by destroying their dream of being with her. Destroying their own fate that they wanted to build. I love sad Alex and I hope this was good and made some kind of sense :')).

AND!! When I said that they experienced their own tale, I meant that they both experienced MC's mother's death and how she was involved romantically with Aphrodite and how she ended up dead. She was roped into a divines fate and ended up as a tragedy :'). So I hope y'all enjoyed this! There is some proofreading, but if something is wrong then my bad!

[haniawritesfiction]

Recent Reads-July/August 2021

The Psychology of Time Travel By Kate Mascarenhas

In a world where time travel was invented in the 1960s, two women become caught up in a murder that hasn't yet happened. For a book about time travel, The Psychology of Time Travel feels closer to realistic fiction than a sci-fi novel, honestly, if we ever invent time travel I could see this easily happening. For all that it technically a mystery, this book is more interested in the relationships, dysfunctions, and institutions that create these circumstances than the actual mystery. Don't go into this book expecting a murder mystery and you won't be disappointed. Mascarenhas masterfully uses pov's of minor characters to make this world feel truly immersive while never losing sight of her main characters, both of whom are flawed, fascinating, and very human. A great take on the time travel genre. -9/10

Devil's Ballast By Meg Caddy

A swashbuckling adventure focusing on the famed female pirate Anne Bonny. Devil's Ballast was.... a weird one. For a book that's meant to be a pirate adventure the pace is way too slow at times and then when it finally reaches the action, it rushes through it. The book also had a completely unnecessary pov of a pirate hunter that added absolutely nothing to the plot. I feel like I would've enjoyed the whole book way more if Anne herself had been more memorable, I'd just finished watching Black Sails, so Devil's Ballast's Anne Bonny and Jack Rackham are pretty boring in comparison to their Black Sails counterparts. But the part of the book that irked me the most was the romance. Anne spends the whole book seeming not that interested in Jack until the last second when he's her great love again. The strongest relationship in this book is the friendship between her and Mark Read, which was pretty cute and my favorite part of the whole book. -4/10

The Strangers Child By Alan Hollinghurst

In Edwardian England, while staying at a friend's house, a man writes a love poem that becomes famous. In the decades following, his family and friends are forced to live with his, and the poem's legacy. The Stranger's Child is an incredibly atmospheric book, with beautiful prose, but it felt like a bit of a letdown. Instead of an exploration of what if a famous love poem is actually gay, it's more of a meandering look at various moments in English history and the people living through it. There were chapters that just felt entirely pointless and there were only three sections that actually felt thematically linked. This book had so much potential, but it felt like the author's vision and the supposed premise were constantly at odds.-6/10

Crooked Kingdom By Leigh Bardugo

The sequel to Six Of Crows; political intrigue, gang wars, and magic all meet in the seedy underworld of Ketterdam. I read Six Of Crows about four months ago and mostly enjoyed it, though to be honest, I didn't quite get the hype. With this book, I get it. Crooked Kingdom weaves a complex and engaging plot to match it's superb worldbuilding and characters and I read it in one sitting. The fantasy elements were never too overwhelming nor predictable and the ending was the perfect amount of bittersweet. If you struggled through Six Of Crows, give this one a try, you'll find it hard to put down.-8/10

Circe By Madeline Miller

A re-imagining of an often maligned figure in ancient Greek mythology: the sorceress Circe. I had a massive greek mythology phase as a kid and so reading this was a blast. Miller's writing has an appropriately mythical feel, weaving multiple myths together to explore Circe's psyche. Circe herself manages to be incredibly likable despite her flaws and Miller expands her beyond her common depiction as a vindictive, promiscuous woman. Because of the nature of the plot, I feel like having basic knowledge of greek mythology enhances the reading experience, especially knowledge of the odyssey. To understand this Circe, it's important to understand the Circe of the odyssey and the way the common tropes of greek mythology are being deconstructed.-10/10

Honey Girl By Morgan Rogers

A young woman feels lost after getting her doctorate and runs off to spend the summer with a woman she got married to while drunk in Vegas. Honey Girl is not a romance novel or really your traditional romcom, instead, it is an exploration of family and coming of age in your twenties with a well-written love story at its center. From the prose and general atmosphere, this book has an almost magical feel, yet manages to feel incredibly raw and real. If you're burnt out on romcoms and want something that isn't too saccharine yet leaves you with that warm fuzzy feeling, this book is for you.-10/10

Bolla By Pajtim Statovci

In 1990s Kosovo, two men, a Serbian and an Albanian fall in love. Years later, the two men both struggle with the after-effects of the war and their circumstances. Bolla is not the sort of book that you can say you like, though I certainly didn't dislike it. The writing is fantastic and has a very unique quality (possibly due to the novel having been translated from Finish) yet Bolla is incredibly bleak. The romance presumably at the center of the novel is less of the focus and instead what anchors the two men's stories. Their relationship is over by chapter three and at first, I was honestly a little peeved that it got that little attention or description, however by the end of the book I honestly felt it worked. A haunting story of war and the human condition.-7/10

The Kingdoms By Natasha Pulley

When a man gets off a train in London, he can remember barely anything about himself or his life, except the sense that the reality he is faced with is wrong; Britain has been under occupation by the French since they won the Napoleonic wars 85 years ago. Determined to find out who he really is, he follows a century-old letter to an abandoned Scottish lighthouse and finds himself the key to winning a war that could change everything. The Kingdoms is a book that keeps on giving, just the premise of a Britain occupied by France is fascinating, but Pulley goes a step further weaving a complex plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Her writing is fantastic and like the premise, it felt like entire books could be written about every single setting. The characters are also engaging, from Joe, our main character, who is just so immediately likeable, to Kit, a character who is the definition of morally grey. My only quibble is the female characters, who feel fairly underdeveloped and only really there to flesh out the male ones. -9/10

Cinderella is Dead By Kalynn Bayron

300 years after Cinderella found her happy ending her legacy has been twisted to create a dystopian life for the girls living in her kingdom. Four to five years ago, I think I would've really liked Cinderella is Dead; I mean it's a sapphic fairytale retelling! But my taste in books has changed a lot and this book just felt far too YA for me. The writing felt young, the characters underdeveloped and the plot cliched.-2/10

[dansnaturepictures]

3rd October 2021: Beetles, birds of prey and more at Ibsley Common and Blashford Lakes

I enjoyed seeing another Grey Silverfish in my en suite last night, and admired a hanging basket with yellow flowers in the garden this morning which I took the first picture in this photoset of. I took the second of a view out the back with the sun shining nicely on dark clouds and some trees visible with bits of red autumnal colour which looked nice. 

This afternoon we walked at Ibsley Common in the New Forest, the first time I had been here since Boxing Day 2019 and it was nice to be greeted by a cheery Grey Wagtail flying up the stretch of Dockens Water here on arrival. I took the seventh picture in this photoset of this stream. Getting out of the nice woodland and onto the beautiful hilly moor and heathland walk it looked really nice carpeted in the nice brown colour turning orange as the heaths always go in autumn largely stepping away from the purple heather that I saw this common covered in when viewing it from Rockford Common the opposite side of the road when we walked there last month. With showers and bright bursts of sun today the area looked exceptional with dark and lighter fluffy clouds strewn across the sky creating some breathtaking scenes of great scale its a brilliant walk for just taking in the sense of space. I took the third, fourth and fifth pictures in this photoset on the walk. 

Bird wise there were many sweet coloured Meadow Pipits bounding about which was lovely to see. It did become a bit of a raptor fest with two or three Buzzards soaring high over the heath and Kestrel characteristically hovering and circling overhead nicely too. I also caught sight of a Hobby quickly which was nice I have had another great year for them.

On the heath also beetles very much stole the day with a pretty quirky long devil’s coach horse beetle which was lovely to see. And in for me what will go down as one of the most impressive wildlife moments I have witnessed this year a blue tinted dor beetle which I got the sixth picture in this photoset of was just visible in some manure I believe pony. And it was exceptional as we saw it push the piece of dung attempting to roll it. This piece of dung was quite big so we didn’t see it fully roll it over like the dung beetles which this one is a type of is famous for doing and it then took interest in more broken up bits possibly of its making. But this felt so inspiring and joyous to see this key part of nature and witness why these beautiful beetles are so important to this ecosystem with breaking down the waste. What a moment.

What we believe were two hornets joined together and tormentil which still continues to do so well in the forest, gorse, little bits of purple heather still which looked great and ragwort in the woods as a list of wildflowers added to the strong small and important things of nature vibes to the walk. As did a nice big and shiny mushroom something I had wanted to look for here today in the woods on the way back out as I drunk in a delicious scene of sun re-emerging to illuminate the heath behind a marshy type area which I took and tweeted a photo of tonight I tweeted one of the mushrooms too. I took the eighth picture in this photoset on the way out. A great walk.

We then called into Blashford Lakes’ Tern hide where my Mum’s partner had been the whole time to see if the Grey Phalarope that had been around lately was about. It wasn’t but as a shower dramatically moved across the large body of water that is Ibsley Water which the hide overlooks which is always special to watch as I have done before here I took the ninth picture in this photoset showing this, I also very much valued seeing streams of House Martins flitting over the water getting some exceptional binocular views of their sweet blue and white plumage as they swerved around. As someone else in the hide acknowledged too these won’t be around for long as they migrant back to Africa so it was good to make the most of them. A precious species that I have had a brilliant year for. 

Soon it will be time to bid them farewell, we won’t know it’s goodbye for now of course it’ll just be when I stop noticing them that I know they’re gone all of a sudden like the Swifts before them and that may too have already happened with Swallows for me this year. Whenever it is, it will bring feelings of the gradual shutting down of another year and hope for their return in the blossoming of spring next year. 

I took the tenth and final picture in this photoset of another colourful hanging basket in the garden which I saw when home this evening, seeing nice sky scenes as well tonight in a very relaxing evening where I enjoyed a lot of natural history TV. The end to the brilliant ‘Chris and Meg’s Wild Summer’ series which I have loved seeing on Sunday evenings such relaxing viewing showcasing some of the greatest wildlife and locations the UK has to offer including so many I know, and also showing their wonderful bond with each other presenting many funny and down to earth moments. And the dawn of a new Sir David Attenborough narrated series ‘The Mating Game’ which looks set be another epic and splendid celebration of nature. This was another great weekend in the New Forest and at home, I hope you all had a nice one and have a good new week.

Wildlife Sightings Summary: (Ibsley Common) One of my favourite birds the Buzzard, Kestrel, Hobby, Meadow Pipit, House Martins there too, Long-tailed Tit, Chiffchaff, Grey Wagtail, Blackbird, a decent few Carrion Crows, Woodpigeon, dor beetle, devil’s coach horse beetle, hornet and an interesting caterpillar too. (Blashford Lakes) Another of my favourite birds the Great Crested Grebe, Tufted Duck, Wigeon, Mute Swan, a line of nice Lapwings on a shingle island, Grey Heron well on one of those too, Cormorants, a nice array of gulls including large Herring Gulls, Lesser Black-backed Gull and Black-headed Gull and House Martins.

[alarawriting]

52 Project #36: Escape from Sonnebend

Trigger warnings: This is a story about Meg. (Supervillain protagonist of my WIP novel, and the main character of story #18, “Thirteen”.) It does not have as much triggering content as the last story about her did, but Meg herself is triggering content. Story contains mentions of rape and torture, bioengineered diseases and horrible deaths. Also, being a victim of awful things doesn’t stop Meg from being a terrible person.

Title is shit and I may change it later.

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It’s been three days since anyone has ordered her to go anywhere, a week since she overhead two of the scientists talking about the future. Apparently Bush lost the election, and they expect Sonnebend to be shut down. Probably, the entire black ops agency that allows Sonnebend to exist will be shut down before Bill Clinton comes into power. She’d be eager to see it, except that she knows they’ll never let her go free. If Sonnebend is shut down, either they’ll send her to a different prison, keep her around to heal elderly politicians and work on their bioweapons… or they’ll kill her.

Activity has been winding down since mid-November. Now it’s mid-December and things are almost dead. High-powered researchers and administrators are taking their Christmas vacations. Meg doesn’t know if she’ll be alive when they come back. Are they moving their project to another location, or is it shutting down entirely? She doesn’t know if they know yet. She knows for a fact they’re not telling her.

Do they need to keep it open? They’ve got what they want.

She lays on the bed in her cell, because hiding under the bed doesn’t help. If she’s laying on the bed when the guards want to rape her, they’ll do it, and if she’s hiding under the bed, they’ll drag her out, beat her, and then do it. There’s no point to it. No point to trying to protect herself. No point in trying to protect anyone else.

Christmas is coming, but Meg strongly suspects she won’t live long enough to see it. Not like it matters. She remembers her last Christmas with David, the two of them in the tiny apartment on the 11th floor, a living tree that was heavy as fuck to carry but she’d gotten it up there with its pot and its soil, and she’d put it in the window so it would get sunshine, which meant they didn’t get any in the small common room because the tree was blocking it. David had experimented with chemical lights, blues and reds and greens and whites that ran on oxygen, slowly, and they’d covered the entire apartment with them, lights around every window they could see and lights around every door and lights criss-crossing the ceiling. She’d taken the drugs he was cooking up in order to test them, and as soon as she’d determined that they wouldn’t poison anyone, she’d let herself experience the high, giggling like the teenager she’d been as she lay back on the floor and pretended the ceiling lights were stars, making up fake constellations like The Butthole and Zeus’ Balls. All that December, she’d made cookies, pizzelle and horn cookies and Christmas-shaped iced sugar cookies and traditional New York black and white cookies, and eaten most of them because David had had a chronic low appetite and not much taste for sugar anyway. And then on Christmas she’d given him a Nintendo and a couple of games, and he’d given her a dozen CDs and Stuffy, a stuffed white and gray cat.

In August of the following year, the Special Service killed David, in his bedroom, unarmed. His blood ended up all over Stuffy. Meg never washed it out. His DNA embedded in her plush fur would comfort Meg when she cuddled Stuffy at night; it was a memorial no ordinary human would respond to, except perhaps in the abstract, but Meg could feel David’s DNA in the splatters of his blood. Slowly decaying – there wasn’t a lot of DNA in blood in the first place, since red blood cells don’t have nuclei, and it doesn’t last forever. But it was still there, the last time she saw Stuffy. In the townhome she shared with Tara, in her bedroom.  

Is Tara still there? Is any of her stuff still there? It’s December. She was kidnapped in April. The billing service would probably have continued to pay the rent, but if Tara had moved out, Meg’s checks wouldn’t be enough to keep the lease.

Does it matter? Does any of it matter? She’s never getting out of here alive, is she? She’ll never see Stuffy or any of her other things or Tara or the apartment again.

She wants to cry, but she can’t. There’s no safety here, nowhere they can’t see her.

Four diseases, two viruses and two deadly bacteria, tailored to strike only Proximas. They’ll breed in the presence of catalysine, or they’ll look for the Proxima gene and insert themselves into the DNA there, breaking it in a way that will slowly poison them. They gave her no choice, but that’s a lie, there are always choices. She could have found a way to kill herself. She could have forced them to trigger the bomb around her neck. She could have waited until they had her in the sealed room, with the collar off, tasked with healing some important old man… and she could have killed whichever man she was supposed to fix that day, and forced her captors to shoot her.

But Meg wants to live. She did something terrible because she wanted to live, and she didn’t want to be tortured. She made those diseases. They gave her no freedom to do anything but study, genetics and biology and chemistry, on top of her medical school training and the training David used to give her in neurobiochemistry, and she used that knowledge to do what they asked. Because she knew they would check.

She remembers the blue homeless man vomiting, over and over, until he had no electrolytes left in his body and he died. The prostitute who could make a light show dance over her body, shaking and seizing until she was dead. The old man whose power mitochondria went into impossibly high gear, burning up all the phosphate and magnesium in his body to make too much ATP, and then his telekinetic power going out of control and tearing him apart. The homeless teenager crying as the poisons built up in his body. All her fault, and there will be thousands more, maybe millions, if her captors release the diseases they made her make into the population.

She hates herself, but she wants desperately to live, because she knows how to undo them all. She can immunize her people. She can. If she can get out of here alive. But the collar that suppresses her powers has a bomb in it. If she were to leave this place with it still around her neck… it would be the last thing she ever did.

There’s a click in the lock. Meg doesn’t look. She has no power over what’s going to happen, and if she turns her head to look, if she sits or stands up, if she visibly braces herself… then they’ll know she cares. They’ll know they’re hurting her, they’re frightening her. And she won’t give them the satisfaction… not until she can’t help herself, anyway. Without access to her powers, she only has a normal human ability to control herself.

“Get up,” a harsh female voice says.

Well. Small mercies. This isn’t going to be a rape, most likely. And they don’t torture her much anymore, not since she started cooperating. Torture doesn’t really work to get information – she knows that well, having tried it several times when she was a teen thug working for drug lords – but it works very well to terrorize people into doing as they’re told. But she’s been doing as she’s told. So it probably won’t be that.

It could be the execution she’s been expecting, but even if it is, there’s nothing she can do about it.

Meg gets up. Slowly, but not so slowly that the guard will decide she’s being insolent and shock her. The collar suppresses her powers, and it keeps her from escaping because of the bomb, but it’s also got electroshock capabilities, that all the guards can trigger by remote any time they want to. Electroshock’s how they captured her the first time – they went after her with the Special Service, the cops in hardsuits that her powers can’t get through, and the Special Service shocked her over and over, until her powers couldn’t handle keeping her conscious, and then while she was unconscious they put the collar on her neck. Since then, they’ve been able to shock her any time they want to, and they use it, frequently. Especially when they think she’s not being deferential enough.

She’s a former street kid and assassin for gangsters. She was living on her own since the age of 17. She went to superhero school with people who hated her, who’d fought her – and lost—when she was a supervillain. And she’s from Brooklyn. None of this lends itself well to respecting anyone’s authority or being deferential; she gave that up when she was thirteen and traded in a life as a Catholic school girl for a life in the criminal underworld. So when she first got to Sonnebend, they shocked her a lot.

She’s learned, though. Meg keeps her hate and her rage and her desire to commit bloody murder out of her eyes, out of her body language. If she ever has the chance, everyone who works here will die… but she’ll never have the chance, and she knows it.

The guard’s a black woman, head shaved, muscular. What progress America has made, Meg thinks bitterly. Now you can be a government thug and torturer even if you’re female and black! The guard motions her out the door, where there’s a second guard, this one a generic bland-looking dark-haired white man like practically every other guard in this place. “Keep moving,” the black woman says.

“Where are you taking me?” Meg asks. “What’s going on?”

“Keep your mouth shut,” the black woman says, but doesn’t shock her.

They’re taking her to her execution. She’s sure of it. Two guards usually escort her when she is taken anywhere, but she doesn’t recognize either of these two, and they’re not walking her in the right direction to be going either to the labs or the chamber with the one-way glass where she heals powerful old men, collar off but guns trained on her outside the chamber where she can’t see.

For a moment, Meg considers the possibility of killing these two guards. Even without her powers, she can fight; the absurd things she can do when she has her powers, the power-jumps, extending her arms, making tentacles, all that kind of thing… those are icing on the cake. All she needed to do to learn martial arts at master level was to find a dojo where the sensei had advanced skills and the urethane on the wooden floor had worn away enough that she could reach into her sensei with her powers and copy what he was doing down to the level of specific nerves firing and muscles contracting, and now she’s an expert. She could, maybe, grab the white guy, use judo to throw him into the black woman, then kick both of them in the jaw hard enough to snap their necks.

But what good would it do? She sees no evidence that they’re carrying keys that could unlock the collar; usually only a couple of specific people carry those keys, which have a distinctive appearance and are too large to hide in a pocket, and they wait for her in the chamber rather than walking around the base with them. She can’t get out, and any one of the guards can trigger the electroshock remotely, without even being near her, so she can’t escape. And if escape isn’t possible, what’s the point to killing these guys? It might make her feel better, for a few moments, but their friends will blow up her head, so it won’t help.

So she walks, with the white guy in front and the black woman behind, down a corridor she’s never traveled before. And probably never will again.

There’s a checkpoint, right before a door outside. The guard at the checkpoint looks up. “Where’s she going?”

“Where you think?” the black woman says, and hands him a sheaf of paper.

The checkpoint guy – another generic white dude, with sandy blond hair instead of black – looks at the papers, and then chuckles. “So I guess Williams and Becker aren’t getting a piece tonight, huh,” he says, and confirms what Meg suspects. Those are her execution papers. The guards who rape her nearly every night aren’t going to have the chance to tonight, because she’ll be dead.

Once again she considers killing them all. It won’t save her life, but at least it’ll take down a few of them with her. Once again she lets it go. Maybe, if she has a chance while she’s outside, since it looks like they’re taking her outside to do it. But she wants to see the sun again. If they’re going to bring her outside to kill her… then at least she won’t die in this nightmare building, where she hasn’t seen so much as a window since she was captured.

Is there snow outside? She doesn’t even know where Sonnebend is; no one’s ever told her what state they’re in, and with no windows, she can’t look at the sun and plants and try to guess. It could be Texas. It could be Florida. It’s probably not either since there aren’t enough guards with Latino names, but maybe it’s North Dakota. Maybe it’s Indiana. She has no way to tell.

The white guy with her chuckles, just a second later than you’d expect, like he’s not a native speaker and took a moment to parse what was just said. The black woman doesn’t. Stone-faced, she takes back the sheaf of papers. “Get moving,” she says to Meg, motioning her toward the door.

Outside, they’re behind the building. There’s a dumpster, and a loading dock, a short distance away. The black woman makes Meg walk in the opposite direction, along a wall with no windows or doors in it, nothing but unbroken beige brick. It’s cold; Meg’s breath makes clouds in the air. But there’s no snow. In the distance there’s grass and trees, but where they’re walking, there’s nothing but concrete. Meg stares hungrily at the grass and trees, at the sun in the sky, at the clouds overhead and in front of her mouth, as if she can make up for eight months of never seeing them by looking at them really hard, right now.

“Kneel down,” the black woman orders, and the tears Meg hasn’t shed in months well up. Not for herself. She has this coming. She may have tried to reform – first by being a superhero, then by becoming a doctor – but she’s always been a terrible person. She murdered her father, and then she became a murderer for hire, and then she’d helped David design drugs, and then she’d been a murderer again. She’d been a vicious jealous bitch around her first boyfriend, and had seduced her second, a man three times her age, just so she could take him away from her mentor. And then she’d gone to medical school, she’d tried to be a better person, but they’d kidnapped her and made her make diseases and because she was too weak to stand up to torture, many, so many, people will die. She’ll never have a chance to undo what she had done, to protect the Proximas of the US, or the world, against the engineered plagues she was terrorized into creating.

“Oh, you gonna cry now?” the black woman said.

“Fuck you,” Meg snarled through the tears. “I know you’re gonna kill me, so just do it.”

The woman sighed like she was at the end of her patience. “Kneel down, girl.”

“No. Shoot me standing up. I’m not gonna kneel to any of you anymore.”

“Have it your way,” the woman says, and points her gun at Meg.

It goes off, a deafening sound, but nothing that happens after that makes any sense. Meg sees her own body topple backward behind her, turning in time to see it fall, but she hasn’t been hit. There’s no pain. Is she a ghost? There’s her own bloody, headless corpse on the ground, and the black woman and the white man dragging the body off, but the black woman is also still here, tapping her foot.

“What—”

“Figure it out yet?” the black woman asks, and turns blue. The azurin mutation. In a small percentage of Proximas, melanin converts to azurin instead, and the person ends up blue. White people turn pale blue, with blue or green or purple hair, and black people turn deep blue, with blue eyes and blue hair. The buzzcut vanishes, replaced by a bright blue Afro that in shape and fluffiness looks like it came straight out of Cleopatra Jones. The woman’s face also changes, subtly, small aspects of eye shape and cheekbone placement altering, so she looks similar to the woman she was before, but not the same. Like sisters, or cousins. Except that one of them’s blue. Which means Proxima.

“You’re a Proxima?” Meg asks. She can’t quite believe this is really happening. She can still see the brown woman with the buzzcut and the dark-haired white man dragging her own corpse toward the corner of the building. Is this like Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge or something?

“Sure fucking am,” the blue woman says, and puts out her hand. “Shadow. Illusionist. And you’re Megamorph, the bio-controller.”

Meg has never heard her power referred to as bio-control, but it makes sense. Any organic tissue she’s touching, she can do nearly anything to, and any organic tissue she can reach through an organic channel, like a wooden floor or a shaggy wool carpet, it’s the same as if she’s touching it. She takes Shadow’s hand, tentatively. “Why… if you’re an illusionist, couldn’t you have told me what you were doing to begin with?” The tears are still in her eyes. Angrily, she wipes them away.

“Conserving power. I have to create the illusion of what they expect to be happening, and hide what we’re actually doing. The more you move around, the harder it is. Now kneel down. I was serious about that part.”

“Why?”

“Hard to rescue you if you’re missing a head,” Shadow says, and pulls off her belt something that looks almost, but not exactly, like the keys that unlock Meg’s collar.

“Those don’t look right. Are you sure they’ll work?” Meg hates that she sounds plaintive, almost whiny… but if Shadow’s here to rescue her, she really doesn’t want to get her head blown up on the verge of freedom.

“Tested them already. They’ve got some collared corpses in the pit around the corner.”

There’s a pit around the corner full of dead bodies. This doesn’t surprise Meg in any way – it makes perfect sense – but it horrifies her, hitting her in a nerve she’d have thought burnt out by all the horror she’s endured. Her knees go out from under her, which she manages to make look as if she’s kneeling like Shadow told her to, rather than that she’s half collapsing.

Shadow puts the key to the collar. There’s a clicking sound. Meg holds her breath despite herself.

And then the collar falls to the ground.

It works by magnetic induction, suppressing the part of her brain that controls her body’s production of catalysine, and suppressing the part that allows her to perceive and control her powers. Stopping the magnetic induction doesn’t instantly replenish her body’s catalysine, and without the catalysine, she doesn’t yet have any powers to perceive and control. So she doesn’t feel any different. “My powers will come back, right?” she asks, knowing it’s a stupid question – she knows how the collar works, she knows how Proxima powers work probably better than anyone. She knows they’ll come back. But at the moment, she feels painfully young, and not like an expert on anything. She wants Shadow to reassure her the way a mother might reassure a child.

Shadow nods, her expression gentle. “Of course they will,” she says. She reaches a hand down and helps Meg to her feet. “We need to get out of here.”

“Wait.” Meg takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want to admit to this, but she won’t let people die for her pride. “Do you know if… that pit, are there any of the victims there? The experimental subjects, of the bio-engineered diseases?”

“I figure that’s probably where they are, yeah,” Shadow says.

“I’m sorry, but… is there any way you can cover me to get in there? I… they made me make those diseases. I have to stop them, but I couldn’t keep samples. It’ll be a lot easier to inoculate people if I can get samples…”

Shadow grins. “Oh, yeah. We knew all about those diseases. That’s why the World Unity Collective decided to rescue you.”

World Unity Collective is Caesar Primus’ group, a supervillain gang dedicated to creating a world where the Proximas of the world unite and take over, which is supposed to bring about a utopia for everyone, Sapiens and Proxima alike. Meg thought it was a stupid idea when she first heard about it, training with Peace Force Tau, and she still thinks so. Proximas are different from Sapiens by exactly one gene, and there is absolutely no reason to think Proximas will treat the world any better than Sapiens have. But she doesn’t care anymore.

Over and over, in her prison, she called out in her mind, begging her mentor to hear her. Suri Chandrasekhar is the leader of the Peace Force, and an incredibly powerful telepath. Suri knew where Meg was going to medical school; if she was paying attention, if she cared, she would know Meg had been kidnapped, and with her powers she should have been able to find Meg… if she was looking. But she hadn’t. No rescue came from the Peace Force. And right now, Meg has reasons to hate Sapiens – reasons that are illogical, because there are billions of Sapiens and they cannot possibly all be responsible for the torments she’s suffered over the past eight months, but Meg’s reasons for hate are rarely all that logical anyway. If it’s Proxima supremacists who’ve rescued her, then yay for Proxima supremacy.

“I’ll ask you how you knew about the diseases later,” Meg says.

“Yeah. Let’s get this done quick.”

***

The pit’s covered with a tarp. As soon as she peels the tarp back, Meg has to shut off her sense of smell. She hasn’t eaten since the terrible cafeteria-grade scrambled eggs for breakfast, so there’s nothing in her stomach anymore – it’s all moved on to the intestines by now -- but if she had to smell this without her powers, she’d be puking up all of the nothing in her stomach over everything.

It’s not hard to find her diseases. There’s maybe twenty bodies in here, tangled together in a heap, most in a fairly advanced state of rot. All of them are infected. Or were, when they were alive. Apparently Sonnebend doesn’t kill lots and lots of people as a general rule. This isn’t a concentration camp; it’s a research facility, where part of the research is on how to kill people with diseases. And since the people had to be Proximas, that limited the supply; only one in ten thousand people has that one gene that differentiates Sapiens from Proximas. Can’t very well murder five thousand people in testing a disease if you have to screen fifty million to find them.

The viruses are easy. With the machinery of the cells stopped, they’re not replicating, but a lot of them are intact, easy to capture. The bacteria are harder. They’ve been dying since they killed their hosts. But there are a couple of subjects that still have live bacteria. Meg pulls them in and stores them in tiny nodules of fatty tissue in her breast, with no capillaries feeding them so they don’t have much chance to get out into her bloodstream. Not that it would matter; Meg’s powers automatically destroy any organic matter that would trigger an immune response. She can’t get sick. Even at Sonnebend, the fact that they removed her collar every few days so she could heal some politician or CEO or important donor meant that she couldn’t get sick; in the hour or so she had her powers, her body would destroy any potential source of infection. She’s going to have to be more careful to make sure her body doesn’t annihilate these infectious agents before she has a chance to engineer an inoculation or cure than she will to make sure they don’t actually infect her.

She climbs back out of the pit, with Shadow’s help. “I’m done. I’ve got everything I need.”

“Then let’s get the fuck out of here, okay?” Shadow says, and ten minutes later, they’re in a car parked outside the barbed wire fence, driving away.

“It’ll take them some time to figure out you’re not dead,” Shadow says, driving the car with a cigarette in her hand. “I took back the fake papers for your execution, so they’ll have a hard time figuring out who authorized it, or where I went, or who I even was. If they compare video feed of the outdoors to the indoors, they’ll see me and the fake guy I made walk back through the door but then never show up at the checkpoint right inside, and maybe that’ll give them a clue, but none of their video will have anything real.” She takes a deep drag from the cigarette. Meg wants to warn her about lung cancer and suggest she quit, but she looks up to Shadow too much to be her condescending prick doctor persona.

“What were you doing? Manipulating light?”

Shadow nods. “And sound, but fuck it’s hard. It’s so much easier for me if I just work on the brain. Altering myself and making another dude is almost the limit of what I can do with sound and light, whereas if I’m going in through the brain, I can make people see a full Hollywood spectacular. Aliens shooting laser guns all over the place. An army of Picts with bows and arrows. Whatever I want.”

“That’s really cool,” Meg says, somewhat awestruck. “Doesn’t that mean you really have two powers? Because a psionic illusion power and the ability to manipulate sound and light sounds like it’s two entirely different things.”

Shadow takes another drag on the cigarette. “Used to just be the psionic part. I got fixed up by a guy named Giovanni. Told him I wanted to be able to fool cameras. Closed-circuit cams were getting big around then. It was hard to pull a job when the security guys can see you on the cam, even if they can’t as soon as they get close enough to use their eyes.”

“Wait… this Giovanni guy can give people powers?”

“Yeah, though all he does is give Proximas new powers. He won’t give powers to a Sapien and he’s got some weird rule about what kind of powers he’ll give a Proxima, but what I wanted sounded to him like it’d work with what I already got. Gives me a motherfucking headache if I overuse it. I gonna need a whole fucking bottle of Tylenol tonight.” She laughs.

Meg puts her hand on Shadow’s shoulder. “No, you won’t,” she says. Her power can hurt when she invades people with it, unless she’s working to numb them or make them feel good, neither of which is safe to do while someone is driving… but it only takes a second, barely time for Shadow’s body to register that Meg’s power is inside it, to clear away the tension that’ll lead to a migraine.

Shadow turns her head. “What the fuck you doin’, girl?” she demands.

“I fixed it,” Meg says, beaming. “So you won’t get a migraine. I owe you a lot more than that, but that’s the least I can give back to you.”

For some reason Shadow does not look happy. She rolls her eyes and slumps slightly forward against the steering wheel, which is all right because they’re at a traffic light. “Listen, kid. I know you meant well, and I’m not mad. But you can’t just go doing things to people’s bodies without even telling them, let alone asking them. You gotta ask permission. If it’s a friend or an ally, anyway. I could give a shit, what you do to enemies and Sapiens, but with friends and allies you ask.”

“Oh.” Meg feels terrible. She’s overstepped a boundary she should have remembered, because in Peace Force Tau, Suri told her this, but she’s so excited to have her powers back and so grateful to Shadow and so desperate to show that gratitude, she forgot. “I’m sorry. I, I really should’ve known better, it’s just, I’ve been locked up so long… I’m really sorry…”

“Look, kiddo, forget it. S’alright. No harm done, and I do feel better. Just, remember next time. Ask.” She pronounces the word as “axe”. This makes Meg feel strangely nostalgic. One of her best friends from the days right after she got her powers, a teenage prostitute named Rhonda who was one of the most level-headed people Meg has ever known, used to talk that way. Most of the girls she’d known in those days had, actually. Whereas no one in the Peace Force or medical school would have used anything less than 100% proper English, like back in Catholic school.

***

It turns out Sonnebend is in Minnesota, near the Great Lakes. World Unity Collective headquarters is in Florida. They’re going to drive to Chicago to use something called a “transmat” to teleport to Florida, but lake-coast Minnesota to Chicago in Illinois is still what Shadow calls a “long-ass drive”. “We’d go faster if we had a boat,” Shadow jokes, and shows Meg the route on the map.

There are explanations. Shadow won’t tell her how she knew about the diseases – “you’re not cleared to know that, yet,” she says – but she explains eagerly why Meg was recruited. “We figured, since you created the bioweapons, you’d know how to stop them… and you might be able to stop others they come up with. Or create ones to threaten them with, if they keep pulling this kind of shit.”

“I don’t want to create bioweapons. Not against Proximas, not against Sapiens, not against anybody.”

“I hear you,” Shadow says. “You don’t have to. You do whatever you feel comfortable with, for the cause.”

Shadow talks a lot about the cause. Talks about being thrown out of her home for being a “devil child”, when she was 12 and turning from brown to blue. Talks about the Human Definition Amendment, a thing some conservative Senator has proposed that will define “human”, in the law, to mean “Sapien”, meaning Proximas will essentially legally be wild animals, with no legal protections whatsoever. Talks about Proximas being killed as “witches” in Africa, especially the ones with the azurin mutation, who couldn’t hide being Proximas, and being turned into weapons for the government in Russia and China and who knew where else.

Talks about the Special Service killing unarmed Proximas who are suspected of crimes, and that one hits hard, because that’s exactly what happened to David. His power was to see chemistry at the atomic level, completely useless for fighting, and he was a skinny twenty-something nerd and he wore coke-bottle glasses with a tint because he was photophobic, and he was unarmed, and they’d gunned him down in his apartment, and Meg had only lived because he’d sent her on an errand to find his lawyer. Because she’d assumed, when he said he’d need his lawyer after they arrested him, that of course, that was normal, that was how it worked. She was pretty sure he’d known they were coming to kill him, and had sent her on that errand because they’d have killed her too.

Caesar Primus – it means “Emperor First” and it’s pronounced the Latin way, like “Kaiser”, not like the salad – is, according to Shadow, the smartest and most experienced man on the planet. Meg assumes the experienced part is probably true, because apparently, he is somewhere around 2,000 years old, and was a gladiator in ancient Rome. She’s not so sure about smartest. The guy apparently still believes that Sapiens and Proximas are different species. A lot of people believe that, but mostly they are idiots, or at the very least, they know nothing of science.

He’s also bought into a lot of silly ideas about evolution, or claims he has and teaches them to his people. Shadow tells Meg that Proximas are the next evolution of humanity, superior because they are more evolved, destined to rule over humanity, and will survive instead of Sapiens because they are stronger. Meg can identify five errors in Shadow’s concepts of evolution off the top of her head, without any kind of deep dive, but she says nothing. If Shadow wants her to worship at the altar of Caesar Primus… Meg hasn’t done worship at an altar since she left Catholic school, not for anyone, but for Shadow’s sake, she’ll pretend.

And if it’s true, as Shadow implies, that Primus sent her to go rescue Meg, then she owes him as much for her freedom as she owes Shadow.

***

A transmat turns out to be a platform, where you put in some coordinates, step on the platform, and are instantly somewhere else, on a transmat platform elsewhere. It reminds Meg of Star Trek transporters, but makes more sense – she’d always wondered, how did the transporter beam know how to reassemble when it got where it was going?

The base is in a swamp, and the only ways out of the base are either to wade through alligator-infested waters, or take the transmat. Or fly, she supposes, for those that can do that. Wading would be annoying, but can’t hurt her; neither mosquitoes nor alligators, nor anything else in the water, can cause her any harm. But it’s obvious to her that that’s not going to be true for most people, and it bothers her a little. If the cause is so wonderful and important, why make it so hard to leave the base?

“It’s not to make it hard to leave,” Shadow explains. “It protects us from so-called superheroes, and it means that if you want to go anywhere, you have to take a risk. Keeps you strong.”

“But if you’re going by transmat that’s not a risk.”

“Yeah, but you can’t go anywhere by transmat unless Caesar agrees.”

The building’s far too much like Sonnebend. It’s made of concrete rather than bricks, a big brutalism box in the middle of a swamp, and there are windows all over the upper floors, but it goes down several floors underground. Sonnebend had linoleum tile and World Unity Collective headquarters has concrete flooring, like a warehouse, but either way there’s nothing alive, nothing for her powers to sense through her feet or the canvas shoes she makes herself from rubber and cotton. She’s not going to spend much time here, she can already tell.

“I need to go back to Baltimore,” she tells Shadow. “I don’t know what happened to anything I owned when I was kidnapped.”

Shadow is skeptical. “Do you really need any of that stuff, or do you just have a sentimental attachment to it?” she asks. “Revolutionaries have to be ready to break free of any material possessions, at any time. You can’t have sentiment. And here, your room and board are provided for, and I know with your powers you can make your own clothes whenever you want…”

“I want my medical textbooks,” Meg says. “I was trying to become a doctor when they kidnapped me.”

Now Shadow raises an eyebrow. “You think being a doctor is the best way to serve the cause?”

Meg smiles. That particular smile is the last thing some gangsters saw, once upon a time. “To heal, you need to know intimately how the body works and how everything fits together. That’s also what you need to know to be really creative about hurting people. You know, if it’s going to advance the cause to hurt someone in a particularly creative way.”

That makes Shadow laugh. “Oh yeah, I knew I was right about you. You’re gonna be a fantastic asset to the team, Meg.”

There’s no one else important in the base right now – Primus is apparently in DC, and his other top-ranked minions are away on various missions. No one here but Proximas with low power levels who work as grunts. Thugs, like she was once. The only person here to give permission for transmat use is Shadow, and she’s all in favor of Meg getting her medical textbooks once she understands what Meg can use them for.

Except that Meg’s read them all already. The term had been about to end when she was kidnapped. Her ability to directly sense bodies and how they worked had gotten her through med school in record time – she’d been there a year, and she’d learned two years’ worth in that time – and then Sonnebend had taught her more, because to create the diseases they wanted her to create, or heal the ailments of rich old men, she’d needed to know more. It’d been all she had to do that gave her any kind of pleasure in any way.

She’s not going back for medical textbooks. Shadow the true believer can give up material possessions and eliminate sentiment, if she wants. Meg believes in very little of this bullshit. She just worships Shadow for saving her.

World Unity Collective maintains a transmat in Grand Central Station, and Shadow’s able to advance Meg some cash, since of course she doesn’t currently have an ATM card, a credit card, or checks. Meg takes the subway from Grand Central to Penn Station, and from there the Amtrak to Baltimore, and then a cab to the Johns Hopkins medical school campus.

***

Meg walks down the street to the townhome she used to share with her roommate, breathing in the winter air. She can't stop looking at the buildings, the trees without their leaves, the sun behind the solid wall of white winter clouds. The people. There are so many people and they're so beautiful and they know nothing about the way the world really works, nothing at all. She wants to kill them, to save them, to tell them the truth. To take the men, at least, home and screw their brains out because she's free to choose not to, now. She doesn't do any of that.

She doesn't have the key to her old apartment any more, but the music inside tells her that her housemate Tara is there right now. Meg knocks, hard.

Tara opens the door. "Meg?" she asks, sounding shocked.

"Is my stuff still here?" Meg asks.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, of course. The landlady was just wondering where you were -- she says she's been getting your rent checks in the mail, but she sent us a note about the electric bill going up and you didn't increase the amount you were paying, and she was trying to get hold of you, but I had no idea where you were so I just paid it for you."

"I'll reimburse you." Meg walks into the apartment. She looks around the place. Everything is just as she left it. "Pack up my stuff for me and I'll have movers come get it. I'll pay the landlady for your share of the rent for the next two months."

"What happened to you, Meg? Where did you go?"

How does one explain that one was kidnapped by the government and has spent the past several months being raped, tortured and forced to work on biological weapons? One doesn't. "Something came up."

Stuffy is still sitting on her bed, David’s dried blood still all over her. Dried blood looks brown; she explained the stains on Stuffy as chocolate sauce to everyone in Peace Force Tau. Tara never went into Meg’s own bedroom, so she never had to make that explanation. Meg picks up Stuffy and puts her in her coat. She suddenly wants to cry, but badass supervillains don't cry, so she uses her powers to suppress the urge. She's going to have to figure out somewhere to put her. Obviously she can’t bring a stuffed animal back to a base full of supervillains.

"Meg, are you okay?"

She doesn't look at the Sapien who used to be her friend. "I'm fine," she says shortly, and thinks, No. Not even slightly.

Back on the street, it's cold and crisp and she can walk anywhere she wants. She can walk to a hot dog cart and get a hot dog. So she does. And ice cream. The whole time she was imprisoned she never had ice cream.

Tears sting her eyes again. Stupid that she has to keep using her powers for this. She should be tougher than this. She stopped crying after the first month in prison, never did it again until she thought Shadow was about to kill her. Why is she crying now?

When she was at Sonnebend, she never stopped wishing for her freedom, but she stopped believing or even hoping she would ever be able to walk around on a city street and buy a hot dog ever again. And then Shadow walked into Sonnebend and brought her out like Orpheus freeing Eurydice from Hades, except of course that Orpheus hadn't succeeded in the end. And Shadow did that because Caesar Primus had ordered her to. Most likely. She’d never specifically said, but Meg could read between the lines.

If Primus sent her to rescue Meg, Meg will do anything for him.

Meg knows his ideology is ridiculous. Right now she doesn't care. She'll burn the Sapiens' world down for what they did to her, and she'll enjoy herself doing it. Out of gratitude for the gift of her freedom, she will do anything for the people who saved her.

She’s got financial things to arrange – Meg has a lot of money. Being the most terrifying killer in New York City used to pay really well. She’ll reimburse Tara, get movers to take all her stuff to a storage unit. Buy some clothes – she doesn’t need new clothes, since her powers can reshape the ones she has, but she likes to shop for clothes. She likes to dress up in clothes that make every man around want to fuck her, and maybe she’ll pick some of them out and do it. She hasn’t had sex because she wanted to in eight months. Maybe she’ll fuck away some of the memories of Sonnebend before going back to Primus’ hideout.

And then she’s going to be the most vicious badass she can possibly be, with all the skills she acquired as a teenage assassin and all the knowledge she gained in Peace Force Tau, and Johns Hopkins medical school, and Sonnebend. She’s going to combine it all and she’s going to make Shadow proud of rescuing her, and Primus of telling her to do it. And she’s going to make humanity pay for what they did to her.