#also megs and i have something very important in common

[avastazyana]

What do you need that small waist for, Optimus? For other mechs to grab it?

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

The Copollogism Essays - Part 4: Leo's Questions/Seeing Commodus Again

THE RETURN OF THE ALDER ! ! ! ! !

it's copollo time yo

we're doing two different scenes so buckle up buttercups!!

Leo's Questions

“So what’s with you and the emperor?” Leo asked me, his feet pedaling merrily along as if the exertion didn’t bother him at all. I wiped my brow. “I don’t know what you mean.” “C’mon, man. At dinner, when Meg started shouting about commodes? You ran straight to the bathroom and spewed.” “I did not spew. It was more like heaving.” “Ever since, you’ve been awfully quiet.” - Chapter 20, The Dark Prophecy

I really want to bring attention to how Leo, in his own roundabout way, tries to find out why Commodus upset Apollo so much <3 These two have a LOT in common, so I think it's fascinating how Leo is the one to reach out and give Apollo an opportunity to talk about what happened.

"Ever since, you've been awfully quiet." Leo says, meaning he notices what is normal for Apollo, and what isn't. And he tries to help!

Don't forget that this is not the first time Leo's met Apollo either - the first time, Apollo suggested killing him (and Hazel and Frank). Now, we the ToA fandom know that was very likely a bluff, but Leo doesn't!

And yet, he still shows compassion, in his very Leo-like way <3

Because let's also remember - Apollo is the reason Leo is alive.

Apollo gave Leo the Curse of Delos, allowing him to survive the fight with Gaea and rescue Calypso.

Apollo and Leo can be something so personal <3

Murdering Commodus was traumatic for Apollo. Something that can help with trauma is talking about it with others. Apollo has with Jo, and now he discusses it with Leo and Meg.

These three - Jo, Leo, Meg - are the ONLY ONES in the ENTIRE SERIES to hear from Apollo himself what went down between him and Commodus. As far as we know, they don't tell anybody else either. It's only them.

“Commodus blames me for his death,” I said. “Why?” Meg asked. “Probably because I killed him.” “Ah.” Leo nodded sagely. “That would do it.”

WHEEZE Leo you and Apollo are MEANT to be friends. humor to lighten the mood? instant friendship, go commit arson together <3

I managed to tell them the story. It wasn’t easy. As I stared ahead of us, I imagined the body of Commodus floating just below the surface of the canal, ready to rise from the icy green depths and accuse me of treachery. You. Blessed. Me.

...and there's the water-related PTSD. ouch.

When I was done with the story, Leo and Meg remained silent. Neither of them screamed Murderer! Neither of them looked me in the eye, either.

Fair reaction, all things considered. I myself wouldn't know quite what to say or do if someone I knew told me how they had no choice but to kill their lover in cold-blood.

“That’s rough, man,” Leo said at last. “But it sounds like Emperor Toilet needed to go.”

LEO !! VALIDATING !! APOLLO'S !! ACTIONS !!

THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE APOLLO NEEDS FRIENDS AND FRIENDS WHO TELL HIM WHEN HE DID THE RIGHT THING !!

IMPORTANT FOR HEALTHY COMMUNICATION !!

THEY ARE FRIENDS YOUR HONOR !!

Meg made a sound like a cat’s sneeze. “It’s Commodus. He’s handsome, by the way.” I glanced back. “You’ve met him?”

don't sound so eager Apollo lmao i'm joking

“Once,” she said. “In New York. He visited my stepfather.” “Nero,” I urged. “Call him Nero.” “Yeah.” Red blotches appeared on her cheeks. “Commodus was handsome.” I rolled my eyes. “He’s also vainglorious, puffed up, egotistical—” “So he’s like your competition, then?” Leo asked. “Oh, shut up.”

*cackling*

let's look at this real quick.

firstly, Meg 100% thinks Commodus is hot.

secondly, Apollo's immediate reaction to finding that out is to point out all of Commodus's flaws, meaning he knows just how flawed Commodus is.

thirdly, Leo teasingly points out his hypocrisy, and all Apollo does in response is "Oh, shut up."

delightful little exchange, with a valuable piece of information in there to boot!

“One thing I don’t get,” Leo said. “Why Commodus? I mean, if this Triumvirate is the three biggest and baddest emperors, the Roman supervillain dream team…Nero makes sense. But Commode Man? Why not some eviler, more famous guy, like Murderous Maximus or Attila the Hun?” “Attila the Hun was not a Roman emperor,” I said. “As for Murderous Maximus…well, that’s actually a good name, but not a real emperor. As for why Commodus is part of the Triumvirate—” “They think he’s weak,” Meg said.

we're going to come back to this.

She kept her gaze on our wake, as if she saw her own assortment of faces below the surface. “You know this how?” I asked. “My step—Nero told me. Him and the third one, the emperor in the west, they wanted Commodus between them.”

I wonder what that discussion was like.

Nero: hey uncle for this to work we need someone between us. to keep us from trying to stab each other to death Caesar-style.

Caligula: a triumvirate. excellent. absolutely nothing can go wrong with a triumvirate of the evilest, baddest, most notorious emperors of all time! But who-?

Commodus, exploding out of the nearest river, in a manic rage, screaming for bloodlust:

APOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nero & Caligula, evilly nodding: oh yeah. that one. that one would do juuuust fiiiine.

in all seriousness though, it really does sound like Nero and Caligula were alive first, and Commodus was added later! Caligula was the first to die out of these three, with Nero being the second - that is, if he killed himself in the RRverse same as historical him. He very well could have already made himself a pseudo-god and faked his death...

Caligula, though, was murdered by his own guard, so he had to have been resurrected - perhaps at Nero's behest? Ooo! Perhaps Nero thought he could get Caligula indebted to him, but underestimated just how...uh...batshit his uncle is, and quickly grew to fear him?!?!

perhaps then leading to a proposition of a Triumvirate, and looking back at the past emperors of Rome...they found Commodus.

I have no idea how they could have found out about Apollo & Commodus until Commodus himself told them, so here's another theory:

Nero and Caligula found Commodus in the Underworld, perhaps trying to track down which emperor to join their Triumvirate.

Now, I have a personal headcanon about how Commodus stayed out of the Fields of Punishment. I even wrote a fic about it.

So this is all STRICTLY headcanon! We are in the thumbtacks and strings zone. Tinfoil hats for everyone!!

In any case, they manage to find Commodus in limbo, and upon hearing his MANY greviences with Apollo, decide he's the one.

“So Nero and the dude in the west,” Leo said, “they want Commodus to be a buffer between them. Monkey in the middle.” Meg rubbed her nose. “Yeah. Nero told me….He said Commodus was like his Peaches. A vicious pet. But controllable.”

what an interesting why to describe your coworker...hmm.

really makes you think on how Nero, at least, sees Commodus. We'll talk more on Caligula and Commodus in The Tyrant's Tomb.

Nero seems to see Commodus as a tool to use, just like he does with everyone. It's especially interesting how he specifically uses animal metaphors to describe Commodus - even Leo indirectly contributes to this image of Commodus!

A monkey is commonly seen as a wild creature. Then we have Peaches, a very wild nature spirit.

Both of these individuals can be vicious, as Nero said. When provoked.

You know what that reminds me of?

Don't poke the lion.

curious how it's the lion Commodus wraps himself in, and yet he is perceived as this animal that's been brought to heel. A pet, as Meg explains. A predator, even, to draw out and frighten the Triumvirate's chosen prey...

Controlled, with the promise of revenge.

and yet, we must ask him and ourselves - what will happen after that revenge? when his use against Apollo has run out?

nothing good, that's for sure; for the world, and no doubt for Commodus himself.

against even one of the other two emperors, he is the weakest. his only purpose was to be a buffer between them.

to them, Commodus is no threat. not at all.

Seeing Commodus Again

I peeked over the edge of the channel and was immediately sorry I did. Commodus was right there. - Chapter 22, The Dark Prophecy

AN EXCELLENT START 10/10 HILARIOUS

Lester sure did have his "Shit, it's my ex!" moment!

Thank the gods, we had crossed slightly behind his throne, so neither he nor his Germani guards saw me. My least favorite Cornhusker, Lityerses, knelt before the emperor, facing my direction, but his head was lowered. I ducked back below the edge before he could spot me. I gestured to my friends: Quiet. Yikes. We’re going to die. Or something to that effect. They seemed to get the message. Shivering miserably, I pressed against the wall and listened to the conversation going on just above us. “—part of the plan, sire,” Lityerses was saying. “We know where the Waystation is now.” Commodus grunted. “Yes, yes. Old Union Station. But Cleander searched that place several times before and found nothing.”

pardon me but HISTORY NUT TIME!

Cleander was the name of Commodus's chief advisor! Well, his second chief advisor, who may have had a hand in assassinating the first one, who at the time had been a close friend of Commodus.

interesting implication that Commodus isn't aware of that. furthermore, it's interesting that Cleander (if it's the same guy) was allowed to return to work despite his MASSIVE FAILURES during his time in Rome.

like. look up Commodus, find his wiki page, find Cleander, click on the link, read about him. absolute DINGUS. look Commodus 100% had a hand in the downfall of Rome, mainly because he shuffled his duties off to other (untrustworthy) people, but BY GOD CLEANDER...CLEANDER WAS A BIG PART OF IT.

he had a MOB ready to tear him apart, and it scared it so much he went running to Commodus to save him. if i remember correctly, Commodus quit literally threw him to the wolves. i might be wrong on that so READ UP on Cleander please and roll your eyes at how abysmally he failed.

good lord how embarrassing.

perhaps he started at the VERY bottom of the ladder. and since Commodus goes through right-hand men VERY quickly, that's how he ended up as chief advisor once again.

before being killed, of course. by our man Lityerses, Reaper of Men.

“The Waystation is there,” Lityerses insisted. “The tracking devices I planted on the griffins worked perfectly. The place must be protected by some sort of magic, but it won’t stand up to a fleet of blemmyae bulldozers.” My heart climbed above water level, which put it somewhere between my ears. I dared not look at my friends. I had failed once again. I had unwittingly betrayed the location of our safe haven. Commodus sighed. “Fine. Yes. But I want Apollo captured and brought to me in chains! The naming ceremony is tomorrow. Our dress rehearsal is, like, right now. When can you have the Waystation destroyed?” Lityerses hesitated. “We need to scout the defenses. And gather our forces. Two days?” “TWO DAYS? I’m not asking you to cross the Alps! I want it to happen now!” “Tomorrow, then, at the latest, sire,” said Lityerses. “Definitely by tomorrow.” “Hmph. I���m beginning to wonder about you, son of Midas. If you don’t deliver—”

why in chains specifically commodus- i'm sorry i'll see myself out

another very interesting relationship to discuss is between Commodus and Lityerses.

there's some type of stepdad-stepson thing going on here, faintly. it's not focused on much, but reading between the lines (and knowing what we know about Lityerses and Midas) we can conclude that Lityerses, at least, sees Commodus as a surrogate father-figure.

unfortunately, he may be even worse than Midas rip

hmm...hrm...

you know...this makes me wonder. is Commodus perhaps reflecting Marcus Aurelius's parenting style, or could he be projecting what he thought he felt from his father's rebukes and lectures? putting these unreasonable expectations onto another in an effort to make himself feel powerful and in control?

much to chew on here. hrm hrm hrm...

get some damn therapy Commodus.

“Incursion at the front gates!” Lityerses growled. “I will deal with this, sire. Never fear. Guards, with me!” Heavy footsteps faded into the distance. I glanced at Meg and Leo, who were both giving me the same silent question: What the Hades? I had not ordered an incursion at the front gates. I hadn’t even activated the iron manacle on my ankle. I didn’t know who would be so foolish as to launch a frontal assault on this underground palace, but Britomartis had promised to look for the Hunters of Artemis. It occurred to me that this was the sort of diversionary tactic they might arrange if they were trying to distract Commodus’s security forces from our presence. Could we be so lucky? Probably not. More likely, some magazine-subscription salesman had rung the emperor’s doorbell and was about to get a very hostile reception. I risked another peek over the edge of the canal. Commodus was alone now with just one guard. Perhaps we could take him—three on two? Except that we were all about to pass out from hypothermia, Meg probably had some broken ribs, and my own powers were unpredictable at best. On the opposing team, we had a trained barbarian killer and a semi-divine emperor with a well-deserved reputation for superhuman strength. I decided to stay put.

a very wise decision, Apollo. Marcus Aurelius would be proud.

Commodus glanced at his bodyguard. “Alaric.” “Lord?” “I think your time is approaching. I grow impatient with my prefect. How long has Lityerses had this job?” “About a day, my lord.” “Seems like forever!” Commodus pounded his fist on his armrest. “As soon as he’s dealt with this incursion, I want you to kill him."

see what i mean by 'going through prefects real fast'? Lityerses dodged a bullet.

“Yes, lord.” “I want you to wipe out the Waystation tomorrow morning at the latest. Can you do that?” “Of course, lord.” “Good! We’ll have the naming ceremony immediately afterward in the colosseum.” “Stadium, my lord.”

fun fact I've been to the Colts Stadium for a high school trip.

“Same difference! And the Cave of Prophecy? Is it secure?” My spine took a jolt of electricity so strong I wondered if Commodus kept electric eels in the channel. “I have followed your orders, sire,” Alaric said. “The beasts are in place. The entrance is well guarded. None shall gain access.” “Lovely!” Commodus jumped to his feet. “Now let’s go try on our racing outfits for the dress rehearsal, shall we? I can’t wait to remake this city in my own image!”

Commodus tries on his racing clothes...meaning he puts meticulous detail and attention into his visage...he appears exactly as he wants to appear...

I waited until the sound of their footsteps receded. I peeked over and saw no one in the room. “Now,” I said. We dragged ourselves out of the canal and stood dripping and shivering in front of the golden throne. I could still smell the scent of Commodus’s favorite body oil—a mix of cardamom and cinnamon.

APOLLO STILL REMEMBERS THE SCENT OF COMMODUS'S FAVORITE BODY OIL DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING MORE

anywho this is why i'm obsessed with giving Commodus those SPECIFIC scents in my fics. always.

though also remember he has roses in his bathwater...(does he still, you think? hmm...)

hey. cardamom symbolizes love, health, and prosperity. cinnamon symbolizes protection, prosperity, and health.

...Commodus. you aren't fooling us.

I can easily interpret this. *cracks knuckles*

you see, the protection part is important because Commodus is trying hard to not only kill, but sacrifice Apollo - doing so will grant him ultimate power, as per Trophonius's prophecy. Thus, granting him protection - from Apollo, and from the other emperors.

Health and prosperity is simple - that's part of what Commodus wants. He wants to be immortal, eternally handsome and hale. He wants to reign in a kingdom of his own, with entertainment to spare.

but even if he manages to get all of that...it won't be enough. because we all know that deep down, what he desires - nay, covets the most...is love.

how intriguing. to gain the power he wants, he must quite literally sacrifice the only person he ever loved.

tragic. yaoi.

[hearts401]

important not all important question. Would Aaron, hypothetically of course, skip to the end/spoil the ending of something when reading or watching something? In like some modern au or whatever au needs to exist for him to be able to watch stuff like shows,,.. Anywasy my reasoning for this actually not very important but very important question is that like. Me and my friend took an old “what character are you quiz?” and obviously those don’t actually mean anything and I know that. It’s fun to do every sixty months but hey whatever’s. Anyways we got Aaron and Alex and I was like “huh that’s neat. Didn’t think I’d get him” (Aaron) and my friend got Alex. Now I would’ve just continued on in my life but my dear amazing friend seemed really happy about that!! He hasn’t read anything about them just heard me say random stuffs about them haha, but he thought it was really cool that we’d get twins because there’s a lot of stuff about the both of us which are pretty cool coincidences. Like how both of our birthdays are a day apart, along with our younger sisters birthday being a day apart. Both our parents having the same name, both of them knowing one of my really olds friends mom (but I guess that isn’t too crazy). There was a BUNCH of other stuff but my memory sucks 😓 Anyways he was really happy about it, so it hasn’t left my mind like usual! obviously I don’t think we’re anything like them, but it’s still fun to see your guys explanation on like certain things about characters and go “haha wow I kinda do that. That’s pretty cool that characters awesome��. Anyways this kinda brings me to your post(s) about Aaron wanting to be in control (?). I’m not sure if this really correlates but I quite literally live off spoilers, and I tried watching an anime without spoiling it for myself. This had a lead me to the conclusion that I literally can’t watch something without spoilers. I had not a clue what would happen in those next few seconds, didn’t know if the character was going to stay dead, and for the life of me it was bugging me out so bad idea to go search up if the character is actually dead. There was like a few seconds left but I couldn’t tell whatsoever if he was going to get back up and spook us all. The minute I learned he did die, but comes back later as some sort of puppet, I was fine to keep going on! The same with books, no matter what I’m reading I have to look at the next few pages to see how it turns out or the next few paragraphs. I can not stop myself, and I know it’s a pretty common thing to do probably, but eh. What I’m getting at is, do you think Aaron would do that? Or another character maybe? Because it’s like, not knowing what’s going to happen, but you have the opportunity to know what happens if you spoil it for yourself, so you gotta do it? I don’t know it just kind of reminded me of that one post you where you were explaining the whole “in control” thing. Also if this isn’t a bother already, who do you think would walk on their tippy toes all the time/sometimes?? There’s gotta be at least one person from all those books…..,

love this ask tbh but UHM! I think maybbeee he would. impatience ig? possibly being new to expressing himself freely and reading a book and like. clutching his knees and staring and digging his nails into his legs. so while he's learned to be patient w people its like okay but what then. i can also see him getting frustrated with books in general idk. he's not rlly my blorbo so i dont have a super clear answer for u </3 my pick is yes sometimes. as for the in control, yeagh that DOES make sense for me. but by the time he's reading anything that CAN be spoiled he's already let go of that need for control and now wants to live on a tiny little island and plant things with his grandfathers

as for the tippy toes!! I can see Henry doing it when he's younger. Maybe Crow too. Uhmmm. Meg as well!!

[yellowocaballero]

Answering/commenting on some of the tags under the cut!

@schniggles

voted for you to follow your truth because it seems to lead you exclusively to winners, however i am ethically obligated to say that if you have more fox & leia friendship anywhere in the works i’d burn a candle to st. francis de sales this very instant 

I told a friend ages ago that I would write the Fox & Leia Double date story (mortifying ordeal of Bly thinking he has something in common with you want wants to bond) and it's still on the to-do list!

There's been an idea simmering in the back of my mind for forever of the third part of the Roleswap series, which would be about twelve year old Leia and Luke going on a Let's Discover Our Father tween adventure. Fox would absolutely be living by himself in the woods, fishing and chopping wood, living his absolute best life, and would NOT appreciate two spoiled royalty tweens bothering him. That's what you mean by Fox & Leia friendship, right? Right?

@crandairyy

tbh your sw chip au holds a special place in my heart that i reread regularly, but any option you go for seems golden

Similarly I seriously, seriously want to rewrite More Than Zero. My concept of Cody has REALLY developed and I never got to explore a lot of what I wanted to explore in that story. Not sure exactly what the point would be, but it's bothering me and that's usually 80% of why I write anything.

This is also seriously the reason why I don't put stuff like this up on AO3. A bad story on Tumblr is something to rewrite. A bad story up on AO3 bothers me FOREVER. It's like a pebble in my shoe. It's about quality control.

@celtarican2

#well if you want ideas in tags I’ll give you ideas in tags#I always thought a fic where Cass was tbe first sidekick would be cool#kinda like new wave#but also not#if that makes sense

That's so fun to think about. What incredible "Hey Alfred remember when I used to bring home raccoons from the street. This isn't the same I promise. OK it's a little the same." energy. I'm imagining hardcore Battinson who's been Batman for like five minutes and he just finds a ninja teenager in a gutter, completely panics because you can't really put a non-language super assassin in foster care, decides that she's the greatest thing since sliced bread (most low matinence child ever, doesn't try to interact with him and subject him to the mortifying ordeal of social interaction) and just like me fr (doesn't talk, ninja). Emo-Goth Autistic 29yo's dream. He doesn't so much adopt her as decide they should hang out in his house and be best friends. They're best friends. It's the Gothest buddy cop show ever now. This is how Cass gets SUPER into Nirvana.

@sibuyanensis

#i've always kinda hoped you'd write something about your namesake#my bestie my dear childhood friend yellow pokespe

WELL I HAVE SOME STUFF ON MY DROPBOX FROM WHEN I WAS TWELVE YOU WANT THAT?

Holy shit ha ha, stealth Meg lore: PokeSpe is my favorite manga ever. I can't begin to describe the serotonin it gives me. It's so important to me. For absolutely no reason beyond the fact that it fucks. Yellow's my childhood friend too. Really early gender goals. My mother's moving house and found my giant collection and I got so emotional about it lol.

I think the answer to that is: not anytime soon, but if I did then it would be the most emotional and tender thing I would ever write. It would fuck immensely.

Poll of Literary Indecision

OKAY SO

I'll be done posting New Wave soon-ish. But I have a problem, which is that I'm wrapping up a new Batman fic that's distressingly long. I was planning on posting the Moon Knight fic after New Wave, but I'm kind of riding a Batman train right now, so I'm not sure and I was thinking of posting that one instead and post MK later.

I thought I'd ask you guys? Both of these fics are basically done, although the Batman one needs some heavy edits.

I'm also serious about the looking at requests thing, I get unbelievably annoying if I'm not working on a current project and I need ideas. I'm also very easily egged on.

[dadstielkline]

autistic castiel

first of all everyone sees castiel as weird. not just dean but other angels as well. they always say something about cas being abnormal, having a crack in his chassis, he's not like the others.

ive been told that i stare too much and that I don't make enough eye contact. castiel is no different. he always seems very confused by what the proper amount of eye contact during conversation is because it's a stupid fucking made up rule, if you're talking to me I'll listen whether i look at you or not he has a special interest in humanity. he finds humans very fascinating. better than his own angel brothers and sisters sometimes and feels an urge to protect them. he's also very fond of bees and beekeeping. it was something he found very fascinating and he kept wanting to share it with everyone he came across even though nobody really cared to listen to him except meg. his trenchcoat is clearly a comfort item. he wears it all the time and the only time he ever took it off was to wash it clean. and when his coat was missing, he immediately got a new trenchcoat for himself. his comfort food is peanut butter and jelly. it was something he first ate as a human and he was clearly very upset he couldn't taste it anymore. he doesn't understand figures of speech or slang. the most common example was when sam mentioned they'd need a guinea pig and castiel legitimately thought  sam had a guinea. you see him misuse and misunderstand phrases a lot. especially the phrases dean uses because for an autistic person dean really doesn't make sense half the time unless you know what he is talking about. i think this would be true for a neurotypical person too however because dean often likes using obscure references as well. he fears rejection from the winchesters and doesn't know how to read the signs that they love him and want him to stay. which is one of the (many) reasons why they should have outright told him that he was important to their family and loved instead of letting him think he was a useful tool or a burden to have around. he will sometimes imitate things that he has seen other people do. like when he is interrogating a woman for the death of her husband, he imitates what he has seen cops on TV do. jack also does this a lot and perhaps someday ill talk about why I think they're autistic too and why they and cas are the best autistic father/child duo to ever exist. he has no concept of personal space. even after dean explains it to him he still crowds into dean's space. i suspect this is because dean is a comfort person. he feels safe near dean. he does this most often with dean of course but he does it at various times with others like sam or jack. these are people he loves and feels the most comfortable around so it makes sense that he wants to be close to them. he doesn't understand when people are flirting. multiple times. he didn't understand that the waitress was hitting on him. he thought it was normal for dean to ask him to unbutton his shirt. he didn't know mick was flirting with him when he gave him his number and i'm going to refrain from talking about how if he had known mick was flirting, they would have had the healthiest and gayest relationship on the show. we were so robbed. i see myself in castiel which makes him canon autistic and if that's not a good enough reason, misha collins himself even calls autistic castiel canon too.

[voicefromthecorner]

Here's something fun some people have noticed when comparing Josh to Haz. They are total inversions

Haz is polite and generally friendly, but clearly detached from humans to the point deleting an entire city is considered acceptable, while Josh is an asshole, he geniuely only went with Shibuya erasure plan because he thought it was to far gone.

And both Haz and Josh have rebellious subordinates who actively attempt to manipulate others for their own agenda.

Howver unlike Hanekoma, Kubo's agenda is actively malicious, and he's also a dick

Don't get me wrong. Mr.H is a fun character and does clearly have a decent sense of right and wrong. But he was using Neku just as much as every other faction was.

The greatest irony about Haz is that he's is the one character from the higher planes who's blatantly honest without lies of omission or twisting of the truth.

Which is kinda funny in a morbid way.

They definitely contrast each other, though there's enough common thread that I'm hesitant to go as far as to say "total inversions".

I was sort of starting to think Angels were just kind of 'like that', when it comes to city obliteration, given how Joshua talks about Shibuya throughout TWEWY and Haz asking about it while offhandly brushing off nuking Shinjuku. A rational person responding to the question of "What makes this city so special" would likely say something like "Um?? Because there are tons of people in it?? So maybe you shouldn't just wipe it out like it's just another day at work!?"

But thinking back to the last game, the scene where Joshua, fully in his Composer glory, told Megs that he needed to destroy Shibuya or else it might "infect" the rest of the world with faults that prompted him with what is literally divine judgement to make that sacrifice is a reminder that, for these guys, this is just another day at work. It's literally their jobs to decide the fate of an entire city based on the level of its impurities and while we, in watching that, can feel like Abraham pleading for Sodom for the sake of ten good people within it, the call is ultimately their for what is ultimately the best of reasons.

That's how it should be, at least. We've had a lot of personal experience with Joshua, so I believe that enough about him. I know less about Haz. But based on what I've seen of their attitudes, I understand where you're coming from. Haz seems pleasant and yet there's something about him that unsettles me and makes me trust him less than I do Joshua. He talked about the ordinary people with way more bewilderment and way less understanding than Joshua did.

I like your summary of them! Haz might shoot you in the face, but he won't stab you in the back. Joshua, by comparison, can multitask.

And when it comes to Mr H, I do think that for all his manipulations, his secret reports indicate that he's motivated by desperation. It's very cold, calculated and rational desperation, but I don't believe he'd cause the kind of problems that would mark him as a Fallen Angel without some kind of redeemable rational.

I know, "Cool motive, still murder" and he doesn't really apologise for his actions, which I won't forget in a hurry, but it's important to take the good with the bad and when it comes to Mr H, there's too much good for me to think that he was only ever just using people. If there's one other thing I took away from his reports, it's that he respected everyone - Neku, Beat, Shiki, Rhyme, everyone - for whatever that's worth.

[penig]

I miss those scenes, too! I get that things have to be chopped for length when making a movie, but - the book is called Little Women/Good Wives, not Writer’s Alter Ego Grows Up. All the girls (who remember were based on Alcott’s own family) were equally important to the author, and Jo is usually the viewpoint character primarily because she and the narrator overlap, not because her sisters aren’t equally vital to the story.

In Little Women, which is explicitly structured as a maturation tale around the conceit of the Pilgrim’s Progress, each girl gets an equal amount of time in the spotlight, with discrete chapters dedicated to their particular challenges. When games are described it’s made clear who plays what role and how Jo, the ringleader, tries to ensure that every one of them has something interesting and fun to do that suits them particularly.  Every girl has a triumph and every girl has a serious screwup. Even Beth, so often perceived by modern readers as too perfect to be believable, gets distracted and forgets to feed her pet canary so it starves! For my money I’ve always regarded that as the worst screwup any of them makes. I’m positive Beth was haunted by it and that’s one reason she became so superreliable about the Hummels, which conscientiousness eventually led to her death.

The sisters continue to get the same evenhanded treatment in Good Wives, and even if the reader remains primarily interested in Jo, the stories of the other sisters are very much structured to interweave with each other and for the alert reader to see them all comment on each other, a feature which all adaptations I am familiar with lack. Beth’s long decline and traumatizing death affects her sisters’ life paths not just emotionally but literally - their comings and goings, choices and challenges all happen in the context of what they can and cannot do for Beth as she dies, and how they learn to live happily again afterward. Amy and Jo, the ambitious sisters, compete with and mirror each other. And getting back to the point of the original post, Meg’s romance and courtship provide a background and commentary on Jo’s; Jo’s wisdom in rejecting Laurie is made plain for all who don’t refuse to see it (imagine Jo and Laurie on the night she can’t make anything work and he brings someone home to supper without warning; yeah, she knew what she was doing when she said no!), and is rewarded by paving the way for Amy and Laurie, who are actually suited, to come together in the aftermath of Beth’s death. There has never been any shortage of obstinate Jo/Laurie shippers, even before adaptations; but it is much easier to ignore the rightness of Jo’s decision in an adaptation which leaves out Meg’s experience.

A not insignificant point is also that, the marriage Meg has is the marriage that children see first hand, with all its messiness. I first read Alcott when I was seven. Romance did not mean much to me, but domestic quarrels and toddler wrangling did! Children’s literature has plenty of domestic disorder from the POV of children, but to see both the courtship and the disorder in a single book and character arc is far less common, and extremely valuable. when i t happens.

Also, those chapters are funny as hell, so there’s that.

The chapter in the book Little Women/Good Wives, and the scene in the movies of Jo's proposal and married life are So Important. They show the heroine living a happy and unconventional lifestyle: It says that this life she leads with work, marriage, and very little money is a good, wholesome life. That is so important.

But - I think an overlooked chapter in the books (not depicted in the films that I have seen) is the one in which Meg tries to cook and preserve currant jam. She has a miserable day, turned even worse when her husband John brings home a friend for dinner. For once, Meg snaps at him and he snaps back when provoked.

Eventually, Meg takes some good advhice from Marmee, and she brings peace. The chapter ends with a line about married life foe these two not being perfect - it will always have its difficulties, but peace has been preserved and quarrels will be managed.

In another chapter, after Meg has had twins, she understandable becomes so wrapped up in them that she neglects both herself and her husband. Neither the book nor I are saying that one partner should be a servant to the other. But in marriage, we have promised something of ourselves to them*. Meg has isolated herself from the world and grown irritable while she rarely sees John who spends time at his friend's house instead of being nagged at home.

Again, Meg takes initiative and fixes it. This is a bit of a pattern that we see the world over today, in which women usually take the emotional burden in the home. I have no comment to make on that, it's not the point of this post.

The point is: The book has made a few excellent points through everyday, domestic scenes about marriage which are not (or only rarely) shown on film. The glamour, unpredictability and excitement of Jo's publishing, marriage to the Professor, work and, from a plot-based POV, the fact that she is the main character, mean that her storyline is in the spotlight. I love her storyline. But I also think that Meg's has something important to teach us: If you choose the more traditional path, your life is just as full of adventure and growth, difficulties, pain and pleasures.

*talking about non-toxic nd non-abusive relationships.

[snifflesthemouse]

This morning, I read an article titled “I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts" posted to Refinery 29. The title gives the impression of a journalist disguising one’s self as a “Meghan Markle hater” for the sake of getting to the bottom of something. However, the content of the article is nothing like its title.

Before I go further, let me stress the importance of perspective. My post isn’t an attack on the article’s author. I’ve never even heard of the author before now, and I’ve no right or reason to attack a perfect stranger because I vehemently disagree with the content of their work. Making assumptions about someone solely on what they write is lazy and sloppy in my opinion. I may be lazy and sloppy, but a hypocrite I try not to be. Therefore, go forward remembering my issues are with content, not creator.

The article starts out explaining the origins of the term “Megxit”. It continues with other hashtags, conspiracy theories, and so on. The article even mentions various media platforms “attacking" the Duchess, as well as crude posts witnessed by the author.

Then the name dropping begins. First with Murky Meg, then Sue Blackhurst, then According2Taz, then Skippyv20 on Tumblr, then Yankee Wally. Eventually, names of Royal Rota journalists are dropped. Then people like Angela Levin and Omid Scobie get mentioned, with interviews from the latter. Instead of an undercover sting, we get a “Who’s Who" of Megxit, a few anonymous Sussex Squad quotations, and Omid trying his best to be fair.

What this article accomplishes is very little when it comes to objectivity. The title is a misconception, and the content essentially paints targets on the backs of the people the author carelessly considers “Meghan Markle Haters". The article reduces anyone who disagrees with Meghan’s behavior as racist, misogynist, conspiracy theorist nutters. So, not only is the content of the article sloppy and lazy, it also lacks originality. We’ve all heard this sad song-and-dance number a million times.

I guess at face value, it becomes very easy, effortless really, for outsiders looking in to reduce an entire group of people with similar views to the basic stereotypes as old as time. It takes very little thought, consideration, or critical analysis, to assume things because they seem to correlate. But correlation is not causation. Just because some people opposing of Meghan Markle’s behavior happen to be racist doesn’t mean every single opposing person is also racist. Again, lazy and sloppy.

Just like assuming every single Meghan Markle fan is also vegan, anti-monarchy, feminist, woke warriors is downright sloppy and lazy. This author has personally interacted with and found common ground with Sussex Squad people many times. Some even became social media friends. They believe what they do, and I believe what I do. We do not agree with most things regarding Harry and Meghan, but we do agree to disagree and be civil.

So, contrary to the article, not all people “hate" Meghan Markle just because they detest her behavior. It’s important to remember extremes exist for all spectrums. Every topic, especially those politicized or made popular by media platforms, have extremes. There is no denying the fact that there are people who hate Meghan Markle because of her ethnicity. Those extremists who hate Meghan for her ethnicity ironically do not discriminate, though. If they hate her for her ethnicity, they hate ALL people of that same ethnicity.

On the flip side of this coin, is the other extreme. The face is the same on each side because the face represents extremism. There is no denying the fact that there are extremists who see anyone opposing Meghan as racists. Extremists who, by default, view every issue in the world through the lens of racism. While racism is a serious problem that deserves no place in society, assuming racism is the root cause of every conflict is also lazy and sloppy. And the same could be said that these extremists do not discriminate, either. If they see race as the only issue for why people “hate" Meghan Markle, they see race as the only issue for most everything.

The problem with both extremes is when everything and everyone is reduced to racial identity, racism only continues to exist. A racist using skin color as a disqualifier perpetuates racism. Assuming racism is the only reason behind disdain for someone only perpetuates racism. Focusing on race or racism allows no room for content of character.

Especially when people defend Meghan Markle being the victim of racism with a racist rule. When opposing critics say “I didn’t even know she was Black" or suggest her physical features, her Hollywood CV, or past involvement with Black causes were nonexistent before she became a duchess or stepped down from being a working royal, the extremists on the other side often resort to the One Drop Rule.

Which means their defense for calling Meghan Markle “haters" racists, even though they might have never knew she was mixed race, is a form of racism. The One Drop Rule was borne from the Reconstruction Era post-Civil War. The “rule" essentially said anyone who appeared to have Black features were considered Black.

The One Drop Rule was the precursor and eventual backbone to Jim Crow Laws of the South. It was used to oppress and segregate Americans based on physical appearance. Considering most people who never heard of Meghan before Harry came along were ignorant to her mixed heritage, it seems grossly negligent to assume race is the real issue. How can one be racist toward Meghan when they didn’t know she was mixed race? This author wasn’t aware of Meghan’s ethnicity prior to it being pointed out (by her and Harry. Repeatedly.), mainly because this author didn’t care.

Like so many, when I first saw Meghan and Harry together for the engagement interview, I was more excited about a fellow American joining the Royal Family. After learning she was biracial, well it was even better. It represented change and progress. Does that mean I saw the Royal Family as racists beforehand? No. It means I saw them as exactly the opposite. Had they been racist, she’d not be a duchess. Her being American and divorced was more a shock to me than being mixed.

The point of all this is there are extremists on every spectrum. For a journalist to say they went undercover, when in fact they did not, to expose the true motives behind Meghan Markle “haters", only to find they did very little to really understand the other side was disappointing. Not surprising, just disappointing. This could’ve been an excellent opportunity for someone to take the reigns and make bridges between two very passionate factions. Instead it became nothing more than a hit piece.

The article fails to acknowledge the possibility – no, the probability – that most people who object to Meghan Markle do so because of how she behaves. The article only considers one possibility behind this “hate". And by calling the objections “hate", the article in turn defines all criticisms as hate speech. Again, unoriginal, sloppy, and lazy.

So here we have it, yet another article grouping and stereotyping anyone who disapproves of Meghan and Harry as racist haters. Yet again, another article name dropping people “deemed racist haters", essentially painting even bigger targets on the backs of those people. Like they didn’t already have enough hate mail. Yet again, another sloppy, lazy, article that never digs below the surface to understand why instead of assuming it.

This isn’t new, it’s just another slop drop from the sensationalism machine that has replaced fair, legitimate journalism. It would be different if there weren’t so many questions surrounding the births. It would be different if Meghan Markle actually lived by the example she so vehemently preaches. It would be different if Meghan Markle would make amends with her own family before telling the world how they should treat people. It would be different if Meghan Markle were a strong woman instead of claiming to be one.

But it’s not different. She hasn’t spoken to her father since two days before her wedding three years ago. She denies the family connections that existed before her fame. She ghosts people once they are no longer of benefit. She preaches equality and universal service while using her title every chance given. She and her husband criticize the “family she never had" while naming their second child after that family’s Matriarch. All of those are behaviors that incite strong emotional responses. Behaviors. And behavior has no racial identity.

A final note… hypocrisy is the main reason people have issues with anything. When one group of people tells another group to stop attacking a public figure, while using assumptions as their crusade call, it’s hypocrisy. One cannot say “if you can’t take the heat, then shut up!” to another without being a hypocrite. When that happens, don’t be surprised when the same exact thing is said back. If Meghan or her fans can’t take the criticism, they shouldn’t participate in it. We all have the right to choose. Just like if I couldn’t handle the criticism, I’d not be writing this.

Life is not fair. The world is a dark, cruel place. When we expect the world to bend to the will of a few, we are setting ourselves above the majority. A strong woman would know this. A strong woman fighting for others would also know that the only person responsible for how one feels is one’s self. External feedback isn’t responsible for internal turmoil. Internal feedback is. That is all.

REFERENCE:

Amoako, A. (2021 June 11). I went undercover in the sinister world of Meghan Markle hate accounts. Refinery29. Retrieved from: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2021/06/10518195/megxit-meghan-markle-anti-fandom

[lovee-infected]

Do you have any thoughts about RSA, we already got two official students so how do you think the rest of students will be like? What’s the academy is like? Do they have dorms presenting Disney princesses?

RSA BRAINROT TIME- Yes anon !! I've been thinking about this for quite a while so I've got A LOT to tell

Students and staff:

First off, the students and staff, I decided to sort them by their possible rival dormitory in NRC since I'm assuming that if we've got the villains for the 7 Disney classics, they're just getting the heroes of the same classics. So here we go:

Alice in wonderland: We've already got Chenya! Other than him, I can see an Alice inspired dorm leader, a mad hatter ispired student and a marchheir inspired one! The dorm istelf would have more of an wonderland theme while Heartslabyul looks more like inside the Queen of hearts' castle.

Lion King: Okay I'm empty of this one. Leona's currently at NRC, Farena's probably graduated RSA years ago and Cheka is still to young to enroll in RSA! So...what are we even getting here???? I was thinking of Timon & Pumbaa inspired characters but no, we'll need them when Cheka possibly enrolls in RSA to be his best buddies, so????? All I could think of was the lion guard series where we got some concept on Scar's teenage hood, so maybe they can be somehow inspired by his Scar's old friends? I don't know...

The little mermaid: We've got Rielle! Can't wait for them to reveal his design but other than him, I'd love to see a Sebastian inspired vice dorm leader and a Flounder inspired student! But I'd also like them to give Rielle several siblings just like Arielle, and since he's the youngest he'd enroll in RSA after most of them have already graduated! From what we got in Chapter 3, I can tell that Rielle, Azul and tweels seem to be childhood friends, so I'd love to see how they can twist a rival ship into a friendship between them! I can also imagine the tweels hanging out with Rielle while the Sebastian inspired character is about to lose his mind and keeps telling Rielle to stay away from those evil beings- (JUST LIKE THE SCENE FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID)

Aladdin: Kalim is believed to be twisted from both Sultan and Aladdin, so it gave me chills to imagine a Aladdin inspired character in RSA. But like...I guess they'd get along with Kalim anyway? Lol. What I want to see the most would be a Genie inspired character, I NEED ANIME GENIE OH GOD- Also a Jasmine and maybe a Rajah inspired character? That'll be nice!

Snow White: We've already got Neige...so what else might we have? 7 dwarfs? Animals? That's kinda hard to tell! Snow white herself didn't have any friends other than animals and the 7 dwarfs through the game, so we don't have much options left for this dorm. But I'd say dwarf inspired characters might be cool? Who knows, maybe we can even twisted dwarfs who can shapeshift from their dwarf forms into tall and handsome boys~ it's twisted wonderland after all.

Hercules: Four words: Hercules inspired dorm leader. That's it, that's the most important part. Many artists have already designed some great Hercules inspired OCs and I'd say that they all looked amazing! Also, I NEED a meg inspired character so badly- Hhhhhh let that sarcastic queen come to life again. Also, what about Pegasus? I'd personally love it if a twst Hercules had his own Pegasus buddy, so cute!

Sleeping Beauty: I'm def down for an Aurora inspired Leader for this dorm but...then I thought of something else. Would he be more like Prince Philip or Princess Aurora? Or both? God if the theory saying that Silver is the twst Aurora is right then this RSA dude would definitely be inspired by Philip... i can't even think of how bitter things can get then- wait a second, I need a moment to cry Anyway, could it be that we'll get 3 characters inspired by the three fairies? That'd be cool! Maybe the animal inspired characters too

Staff: History: A twst version of fairy godmother. Alchemy: Kind of hard to tell but what if their Alchemy teacher is dalmatian inspired himself? A puppy teacher...[sobs] PE: Oh god what about a beast inspired coach now?? Someone who can shapeshift from his beast form to a handsome prince depending on his mood- Shopkeeper: A twst version of Mama Oddie! Definitely perfect! Mama Oddie and Facilier sure do have a lot in common but like, Facilier is the evil side.

But the most important question is: Who would be the principal? Who would be the possible opposite to Crowley? Hm? Some theorised their principal being Mickey mouse and I'm cjcjsnsjxk- I don't know!!!

But, let me note something: I doubt that we get more than one character per each RSA dorm. Every Chapter we've had so far just had one RSA character reveal (Except for Savanaclaw's because we had both Farena and Cheka, though we didn't get any design for Farena so I don't think if that counts, and Scarabia's because we got none) we didn't get anything about Rielle either but I believe he'd appear in the future chapters otherwise they wouldn't have mentioned him though the story.

Out of all dorms, Pomefiore and Diasomnia's got the highest chance to have an RSA character introduced as their rival and enemy through their chapters, which is also because of the "Weapon inspired characters", who are Epel and Silver.

We've seen much and less of how Epel's the red poisoned Apple and how this is relating Neige to Vil, but what about Silver? The scariest part about it is how he isn't even the villain's weapon, but the Hero's. I don't want to rant about Silver now because I already have several posts scheduled to cry about Diasomnia so let's skip it, just keep it in mind that the chance of having a RSA Aurora/Philip inspired character appear in Diasomnia's chapter is VERY high.

Something that has been keeping my mind busy for a while was the possibille design of RSA's building; NRC's building is simply the famous Disney castle, but isn't RSA supposed to have something similar? Soooooo...would the buildings look the same just RSA would have brighter colors? How ironic.

Another thing that absolutely thrills me about RSA...is the shape of their magic stone on their uniform.

NRC's magic stone is in fact in the shape on Evil Queen's mirror

Meanwhile RSA's...is actually a Sword in the stone reference!

So that's all I had in mind about RSA's general design and dynamics for now, though if we're going to talk about RSA's relationship with NRC and the possible futures of the storyline that'll take another post to talk about it- Diasomnia especially had A LOT to explain about NRC's connections with RSA so prepare tissues for the Diasomnia chapter guys, it's going to hurt.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

eleanor shellstrop, secret winchester

given her age she’s a little older than Sam which means Eleanor and Sam are MIDDLE CHILDREN. She considers herself the Oldest Sibling because she does, jerkoff, and if you have a problem with that you can eat her farts!!!

she inherited the important Winchester gene to repress repress repress.

she’s a TERRIBLE hunter, she HATES it, but she is excellent at remembering random connections between hunters. She’s like imdb for for hunters. 

Chidi hosts ethics classes for interested supernatural beings. Meg is his best student. 

Bela is alive because I say so and always tries to get Eleanor to work with her. She also tries to seduce Tahani three times a year. 

Garth and Jason are BEST. BUDS.

Pillboi becomes part of the hunter’s network sourcing blood and organs for creatures who don’t want to murder humans. This means he has a bunch of incredibly dangerous supernatural beings with a vested interest in his well being. Pillboi might date Benny at some point.

Sam is constantly trying to get Eleanor to TALK about her FEELINGS, like, fork off, man! Just because we share a dad doesn’t mean we’re FAMILY.

Michael to Sam: i was totally rooting for you to take over hell. it’s so exciting to meet you! like meeting royalty that isn’t racist or imperialist. so not like meeting royalty at all.

dean: what the fuck is jeremy bearimy

sam: this broke me. the dot over the i.

getting drunk and swapping Traumatic Childhood™ stories with her brothers and realizing that they have a lot in common, actually, and maybe they aren’t as terrible as she thought

she and Sam bond over striking out on their own

Adam is the only one of them who had even SLIGHTLY a normal childhood and he’s just like. guys you all need therapy. 

SAYS THE DUDE WITH AN ARCHANGEL AS HIS COPILOT, Eleanor says

she and dean watch Venom together and have this slow-dawning realization that THIS is what Adam and Michael’s relationship is, WHAT THE HELL

going to bars and having competitions over who can get the most numbers

eleanor giving dean the Talk about liking dudes

at some point just yelling at him that he loves cas, now would dean PLEASE get his head out of his ash and DO something about it, we are SO TIRED of your heteronormativity, dude!!!

“if I can finish college you sure as fork can” and she dumps a bunch of nontraditional student info on Sam

Eleanor helping during investigations because “i’m a world-class liar, baby!”

she and Sam also bond over their hatred of clowns

teaches Sam some signs that she knows but they’re all VERY suggestive and she doesn’t tell him that. She’s got your back, Eileen

Eleanor flirting with Billie, accidentally has a threesome with her and Rowena

Dean making her elaborate shrimp dishes when she’s sad (usually when Chidi has to go lecture somewhere)

Eleanor: I’m an Arizona dirtbag but YOU are serial killers. I’m gonna be the velociraptor of this family.

(has big “a TRANSFORMER is the scribe of god???” “that’s megatron” energy)

She and Jason ask Sam for HYPOTHETICAL legal advice

for some reason can’t use her nephilim powers until after she dies and comes back

#WinchestersNeverDie

she doesn’t really use them for anything except shrimp and margaritas and pranks

is Jack’s vodka aunt

he just BEAMS every time he sees her

teaches Jack normal human behaviors since NONE of his fathers are even remotely normal

“oh my god, NO Jack, don’t return your cart to the cart corral. leave it in the parking space. that’s what humans do.”

she’s helped a demon through an existential moral crisis. jack’s soul stuff? not a big deal. she’ll walk him through it.

loans him some of her powers so maybe he doesn’t even need to use his soul

“this kid is too nice. satan is your dad. be meaner, jack”

“this is my cousin, the son of the devil, who uses his magical godlike powers to right the wrongs of the world. i am the child of gabriel, the angel who explained shirt to people, and i use my magical godlike powers to manifest a never ending supply of shrimp”

“are we SURE i am not lucifer’s child?”

Gabe: nope kiddo you’re mine

Gabe: this sarcasm-fueled trashbag is my daughter and i love her very much

they go cop tipping on weekends which is where they flip over cop cars

you know those posts that talk about Gabe being Jesus’ dad? That

Eleanor: i’m sorry the FUCK do you mean JC is my BROTHER

Eleanor, five hours and a panic attack later: are there any other famous siblings I should know about????

Gabe: well we don’t talk about Rasputin

Sam: i’m sorry WHAT

she never meets soulless!sam which is good because pre-death Eleanor and soulless!sam would have been like. ponzi-scheme and bounce to bermuda with the money types

Crowley proposes to her once a month

also the height difference between her and her brothers is VERY important and hilarious

she’s yelling at Sam about something and Dean picks her up and stands her on a table so she can be eye to eye with him

[cleverthylacine]

ask meme ! #3 or 4 . maybe for any particular ravwave scene? your library is so sprawling but I am interested in whichever you want to talk about !!

I don't know if this is the best line of dialogue, but here is one I am very fond of. When Soundwave says that "Apologies taste better in person," in A Few Small Repairs...

I think a lot of people just say, oh well, that's synaesthesia, that's just Soundwave.

But it's very important, because he and Ravage have reciprocal synaesthesias.

Soundwave does not experience the physical synaesthesias that Ravage does--the bleedover between smell, taste, touch and proprioception. He's got the bleedover between telepathy, electromagnetics, hearing and sight. So when he says this to her, he is thinking about her experience of the apology he wants to make to her for the mistakes he's made over the years of her cassettification (and specifically for the very mean thing he did by asking her to kill Megatron of all people).

He's thinking of how she's going to feel about it, not how he's going to feel about it. He's more or less made his peace with the terrible things he did, both because a lot of them were the result of ignorance and the mean one was the result of feeling betrayed, and he knows he will never do anything like that again, but he needs to make her feel whole.

Narrative:

The dance sequence in chapter 8 of Designs and Persuasions is one of my favourite things I've ever written because: Ravage thinks the way she experiences living and moving in her body is normal, even though she intellectually knows that it is not.

It's the only way she's ever been embodied all her entire life. Writing about Ravage dancing from the POV of Soundwave dancing with her, and how he experiences the sensation of being Ravage dancing in Ravage's body, and what it was like to learn dance from her, particularly since he doesn't have that operating system and his body was not made to do that, and how that helped with his focus... it was just. It was a trip to imagine and a trip to write and I showed it to another friend of mine who is a dancer before I posted it and got his thoughts on it, and it was kind of like an expansion of the synaesthetic sex scenes I wrote for them in the first chapter of Designs and the last chapter of Repairs, only I could go into it very deeply because their minds were not fuzzy with lust. And then Soundwave's meltdown when the analysis of Marissa's data going on in the background came to completion and the shape of that data construct was so painful...!

I love, love, love writing as Soundwave but I absolutely couldn't do it for an entire fic. He is vast. He contains multitudes, and sometimes i think half the reason he never outright rebelled against some of the shite Megs pulled in the bad days is that it just overwhelmed him.

Love & Darkness will have some very trippy Soundwave bits in it, because when we first see him in that fic, he's blasting music down by the pier and Ravage is dancing and he's doing it just because he wants her to keep dancing and Drift thinks he's the absolute worst creeper ever lmfao and Soundwave is still in that state where he can't articulate first person.

That is something that all the old Soundwaves had in common. Not CV Wave, but most of the Waves, they have the hardest time saying "I" and when they can do it they're comfortable.

I'm also having fun, in Designs and Persuasions, with the mindlink experiments they're doing.

Rafael and Cosmos would like to never have Spinister involved in that again though kthx.

[jdunkirk]

if you haven't read the lovely and amazing "crash and burn" by @aureutr, i highly highly highly recommend it, it's one of my all time favorite fics!!!

with this said, i am a man with little to no chill with my fixations, and i took the self appointed job to translate a speech from it into mando'a, for funsies :) apologies to those who don't see my read more, but i'm going to do this

under the cut shall be the speech, broken by sentences in indents, followed by my attempt at mando'a, and some things i have to say, if there is anything!

This is a message to anyone who considers themself a Mandalorian.

Ibic din'jor at an aala Mando'ad.

1st, the thing that made this take the most time was just the fact that mando'a will drop lots of information/words, leaving it up to context or word order to be implied! so nearly every sentence is shortened quite a bit, as a 1-to-1 translation would be way too lengthy for mandalorian tastes

the first word i had to invent was "message", din'jor being my result. i drew from the words "gift" and "to give" which share the root din, and the root jor which relates a lot to language, speech, and talking, thinking it was a "given speech." as an agglutinative language, mando'a would probably have lots of words like this, and looking at the vocab i've collected it sure seems to, as some of these roots are seen in lots of words that have similar or related meanings :)

roughly, it translates as "This message is to all who feel they are Mandalorian."

I am the Manda'lor and I am calling you home.

Ni cuy'Mand'alor, jor'chaaji yaim.

2nd, verbs! the verbs, as listed on all translators and dictionaries online, end with a vowel and a rhotic sound (-ar, -er, etc), but this translates as the infinitive form of the verb when used! for example, hibirar is "to learn", but saying ni hibirar is grammatically inaccurate. you would say ni hibira, dropping the -r, to say "i learn"

cuyir is especially interesting to me, as even the -i can be dropped and the verb fused to the following thing, a kind of way to especially show what you are or what something is!

i flip flopped on translating the definitive "the" as mando'a uses it mostly in emphasis, and i wasn't sure if it should be noted as special that way. i settled on "it's a big enough deal just to say it" and left it simpler!

roughly, it means "I am Mand'alor, calling you home."

For too long our people have been flung out across the galaxy.

Or'ca'nara droten re'or'goora dos oyu.

3rd, some new vocab again! this time, it's mostly just fusions onto existing words to give them a different meaning. rather than using "long" as a way to describe the time frame, i settled on something that means "a long/extreme time" since it felt concise while better capturing the specific feeling :O a similar thing extends to re'or'goora, using the root verb and attaching the "extreme" affix to create "to throw hard, fling" from just "to throw" :)

oyu is technically a new word, as it's not listed in the dictionaries i used, but i took the root from "galactic", since adjectives and adverbs consistently attach a suffix to make new words, -yc or -la!

roughly, it means "Too long have our people been flung across (the) galaxy."

Our strength once came from our numbers and now too many of us are separated and alone.

Cuun kot r'olaro teg soletyce, naysol mhi dar'tome, solus.

4th, a moment about pronouns! depending on where you look, you might get a few different results for "we," "us," "our," and "ours" especially. i double checked over a few different sources to verify which translations are most appropriate to use, and the common ones to use end up being cuun and mhi. the uncommon ones are vi and mhor, being listed as archaic mando'a.

mando'a differentiates from english/basic in pronouns as the pronouns stand for both the nominative and accusative versions (I and me, etc). the other pronoun is the genitive or possessive version (my/mine).

roughly, this means "Our strength came from our numbers, but too many of us are separated and alone."

Come to Concordia.

Olaro Concordia.

5th, i debated about trying to transcribe a kind of mando'a name for concordia. it kept me hung up for a while, not sure what it could be or if i should even do it. in the end i couldn't think of anything and left it, but truthfully it still bugs me >:( it doesn't seem extremely out of place, admittedly, so it isn't the end of the world by any means!

We will be sending ships to gather as many as we can, but come any way you can.

Ven'mashuki me'sene joruur sa birov lise, olaro an arase gar lise.

this translation should be quite close :)

The Mandalorian way is to allow any who wish to swear a creed to become one of us.

Mando'ara duumi an meg vore urmanka tomur cuun.

6th, a couple original vocab choices again! there wasn't an easy way to translate creed, so i took from the verb "to believe" thinking it was like a "belief or faith." truthfully i'm not fully pleased with it, but it was another thing that had me way too hung up so i felt i should just pick something and move on.

the last bit, tomur cuun, was a last minute change honestly. originally, i had it as cu'laror solus, but upon reflecting i felt it was too literal and wordy again. i made up tomur, which i define as "to join or become smth"

roughly, this means "The Mandalorian Way allows those who accept a creed to join us."

If you hear this message and wish to do this you are also welcome.

Susulu din'jor bal vercopaani, gar balyc olarom.

roughly, this means "(If) you hear this message and wish (to do so), you are also welcome.

But know that the training is long and hard.

A kar'tayli bajur munit, urakto.

this should translate closely again!

Too many of our wars have been against each other for differences in creed, or in clan.

Naysol akaane ru'cui tio'r mhi par urmanka, aliit.

roughly, this means "Too many wars were within us for creed, or clan."

We cannot continue this and also rebuild our home, our culture.

Nu'sla'nri bal tu'gotal'u cuun yaim, manda.

7th, conjugation and vocab! the negation of something is doing by either a stand alone article or a prefix, depending on the extent of negation. with just "continue this" being the negated part, i settled on nu' rather than ne' because i felt it sounded better.

for "rebuild," i picked the verb gotal'ur, "to make or create" and extended that as "to build," then i attached tug which seems to be the root for "repeating, again."

for culture, i settled on manda which actually stands for this rather large and powerful concept in mando belief. in short, it's the "soul" of being a Mandalorian, as an individual and also as a collective. that last bit is what really stood out to me, so i settled on that, as it's short, sweet, and very fitting in my eyes.

roughly, this means "We cannot continue (this) and rebuild our home, our culture/soul."

And so I also come before you to declare that from today onward Mandalore has a primary guiding principle.

Ni balyc rejorhaa'i, ibi'tuur, ratiin, Manda'yaim gana alor'yc ruusaar.

roughly, this means "I also announce, from today and always, Mandalore has a leading principle."

People before all else.

Adate ru an ashi.

used Reu's translation for this :)

This is the Way.

Cui te Ara.

8th, the debate about definitive-ness was settled here, finally! it felt appropriate for The Way to be the definitive noun out of them all, given how important it is. ibic cuyi te ara could be correct, but it's just a little wordy for mando'a, so "this" is dropped and cuyi is simplified further, rather than it's affix form when attaching to nouns.

Reu translates "this is the way" as cuy te yust in her work, which i somehow overlooked when i was doing my own translation, lol. i think it fits just as well, as yust could translate as "way or path," so really which translation one picks is a matter of preference!

Mandalore is calling you home.

Manda'yaim jor'chaaji gar.

roughly, this means "Mandalor is calling you." i dropped the redundant yaim for home, since it's already in the mando'a name for Mandalore.

will i do a project like this again in the future? maybe...... gotta find something that tickles that pickle again, but i had a lot of fun with it so i'm probably gonna keep those eyes open :) thanks for reading <3

[katsidhe]

could you share the descriptions of the answers? I'm bad at answering these quizzes cause I always get like 3 answers that fit but in different circumstances so I like seeing all of the descriptions

Yeah sure! I too wish uquiz gave an option to see all the result descriptions... alas. 

anyway here’s a wall of text, go nuts. 

DEAN-CODED DEAN GIRL

You might just be the hero of a YA fantasy novel or an action movie, because you have Big Protag Energy. You’re self-centered and extremely giving at the same time: you expect and demand absolute loyalty, just as you provide the same. Your love can move mountains, but if you’re not careful that same love can be suffocating or controlling. You’re volatile: you’ll cut a bitch and you don’t care who knows it. You’ll kick their ass. You’ll kick their dog’s ass. You’ll kick your own ass. You have a one-liner for every occasion. Your friends like you but would describe you as “a lot.” You’re magnetic: your charisma and sheer bull-headedness mean you stand out in every room. You’re polarizing, and you know it, but that doesn’t bother you: you know you’re right, and even when you’re wrong, you’re at least entertaining. You’re very “do as I say, not as I do:” you’re a bit of a hypocrite, but, like, in a fun way.  

Holotypes include: Dean Winchester (Supernatural), Thomas Jefferson (Hamilton), Sirius Black (Harry Potter), Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager), Katara (ATLA), Vriska Serket (Homestuck)

DEAN-CODED SAM GIRL

You are a charmer and a people-pleaser. You’re charismatic to a fault, when you want to be: whether consciously or not, you have a razor-keen sense of how others see you, and you mold yourself to expectations. You can either talk circles around most people, or you come across as so fundamentally honest that you gain everyone’s trust without trying. Your affable persona is built on a rock-solid sense of purpose. You have a steadfast, deadset fixation on your goals, which you know in your heart to be worth any cost and any sacrifice. Armed with iron conviction, you’re a rebel with a cause. Is it paranoia if they really are all out to get you? When you inevitably win, the whole world will know your name. Your strong sense of self will carry you through any hardship. Your friends look up to you, but they don’t always “get” you. 

Holotypes include: Lucifer (Supernatural), Eponine (Les Mis), Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events), Prince Zuko (ATLA), Samwise Gamgee (LOTR), Karkat Vantas (Homestuck)

DEAN-CODED CAS GIRL 

Like all Dean-coded people, you are charming and affable, and you talk a big game. You might be the class clown or a popular athlete, or otherwise one of them cool kids, but underlying that public persona is a certain quiet idealism. You keep your strong convictions close to your heart, even when far from home or beset by strife. You’re fiercely loyal and you crave being around people, but you can see when your friends need space, and you can get along okay on your own. You’re not afraid to change your opinions if new information comes to light. Strangers find you easy to get along with: you tend to go along with the group, and you’re a team player no matter what needs to get done. Your chill-to-pull ratio is sky-high.

Holotypes include: Ahsoka (Star Wars), Meg (Supernatural), Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson), Ginny Weasley (Harry Potter), Boromir (LOTR), Jon Snow (Game of Thrones)

SAM-CODED DEAN GIRL

You come across as level headed, but you’re never more than an inch from going off the rails. Your highest values are love and personal loyalty, but you’re pragmatic about it, and you try very hard not to put unfair expectations on other people, with varying degrees of success. You spend a lot of time dealing with expectations; it’s something you either grapple with, or lean into to use to your own ends. You value your own sense of identity, but that identity can get subsumed by your loyalties. You can easily get pulled in or suborned by strong personalities. You keep secrets, both from yourself and from others. Who you want to be is at odds with how you see yourself. People meeting you for the first time might say you’re aloof. You have lots of strong opinions, but you usually keep them to yourself… unless provoked. Careful; you bite. 

Holotypes include: Mary Winchester (Supernatural), Harry Potter (Harry Potter), Aragorn (LOTR), Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars), Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Katniss Everdeen (Hunger Games) 

SAM-CODED SAM GIRL

Gifted kid (diagnosis). You were and maybe still are an outsider, and because of that you’ve had to learn to be self-sufficient and confident in your own abilities. You’re a fiercely independent overachiever, and you’ve fought hard for every inch. Somewhere inside you is a hot, long simmering rage born from the injustice of the world, but it’s buried very deep. You’d be more than content to be alone for long periods of time. You have sometimes crippling perfectionism: if you aren’t succeeding, it’s your fault for not trying hard enough. You’ll pick every kind of intellectual fight and throw yourself into playing devil’s advocate just to improve your understanding: you see the gray areas in everything. You’re aggressively big-picture. You want to, no, you MUST change the universe, but you don’t need to take credit for it. Your few friends might describe you as callous, but you know you’re just being realistic: you’ve got a harsh, clear-eyed sense of the world. No pain, no gain, and really, if you do the math, no single individual is all that important in the grand scheme of things.  

Holotypes include: Kevin Tran (Supernatural), Jean Valjean (Les Miserables), Emperor Palpatine (Star Wars), Neville Longbottom (Harry Potter), Frodo Baggins (LOTR), Dirk Strider (Homestuck), Luke Castellan (Percy Jackson)

SAM-CODED CAS GIRL

You have a strong sense of how the world ought to be, but you have no overriding vision or big master plan: you take life day by day to fix the little things you can. You have very few close relationships, but those you have you treasure dearly. You support your few friends unconditionally, but you tend to be emotionally distant with acquaintances. You may be a bit of a pushover. You often find yourself put in the position of mediator. You loathe conflict, so you avoid it unless absolutely necessary--but once you’re truly angry, you’ll stop at nothing to see justice done. You’re a diplomat and an advocate: you are deeply idealistic, but you’re nevertheless strongly grounded in a pragmatic sense of achieving what you can. Philosophy is action, action is philosophy; you like meditation and self-improvement and have probably done at least one juice cleanse. Both friends and strangers describe you as quietly dependable. If you can’t see the trauma, the trauma can’t see you! That’s just science!

Holotypes include: Sam Winchester (Supernatural), BJ Hunnicut (M*A*S*H), Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Aang (ATLA), Luke Skywalker (Star Wars), Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson)

CAS-CODED DEAN GIRL

Much of your identity is tied up in a set of core beliefs - to the point where those beliefs might be strong enough to override your identity. You’re not beholden to any outside system. If you’re comfortable serving a larger common goal, it’s because you believe in it wholeheartedly. You’re action-oriented: you act first, and think later, or possibly never. You judge your friends solely based on what they do, and you tend to hold people accountable for any unforeseen consequences of their choices. You have strong personal loyalties. You’re not at the center of your social circle, but your friends trust you implicitly and the leader of your group tends to confide in you. You don’t seek power, but you’re also not afraid of taking charge, and you may find power thrust upon you. If you do find yourself in a position of leadership, you struggle with going too far or taking your friends in an unexpected direction. Whether you’re fighting in a war or making yourself a sandwich, you go hard in the motherfuckin’ paint.

Holotypes include: Castiel (Supernatural), Javert (Les Miserables), Captain Rex (Star Wars), Kanaya Maryam (Homestuck), Worf (Star Trek), Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter)

CAS-CODED SAM GIRL

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you’re a bit weird. You are spacey or odd or otherwise out of step with how people think you should act, but that’s fine. It doesn’t matter what they think, because if you’re sure of one thing, it’s that you should never mold your unique identity to other people’s expectations. You live internally: you’re all about grand, world-changing concepts, whether they be philosophical, artistic, or mathematical. You are grounded in the reality that you are one person and one viewpoint among many others, but that doesn’t stop you from writing your nine-hundred page thesis on the topic you’re passionate about. You can justify just about anything by the virtue of your personal convictions arising almost entirely from within yourself. Your identity can get swept up in your big ideas. You’re easier to sway with logic than with emotion, but you don’t feel the need to confine yourself with such terms: you operate on both vibes and flowcharts. You move through the world with the assurance that you are the master of your own fate, and you are unburdened by worrying about the opinions of others. You won’t let yourself feel pinned down by one social group; you float in and out comfortably, depending on how you’re feeling. Friends and strangers describe you as “spooky.”

Holotypes include: Azazel (Supernatural), Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter), Aaron Burr (Hamilton), Princess Azula (ATLA), Yoda (Star Wars), Jadzia Dax (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Terezi Pyrope (Homestuck)

CAS-CODED CAS GIRL

You are chaotic and excitable. You’re swayed by the drive to explore: the greatest good is to understand the universe and your place in it. You’ve got big ideas, and you’re drawn to new experiences, but you don’t necessarily understand what’s going on. You might be a part of a bigger social machine, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be defined on its terms: you’ll self-actualize if it kills you. You identify new objects by licking them. You can see the strings of the world; what will you choose? You’ll take the reins and see where they take you. You say you’re following your own path. Your friends say you don’t know what you’re doing. Pragmatism? Never heard of her. A dream is a vision is a reality; ideas are the world writ large. You might be a prophet or a visionary. With your head in the clouds, you’re sometimes divorced from both reality and consequences. You’re usually on the outside looking in, and you don’t want to be. People think they understand you, but they definitely don’t. Your friends and enemies describe you as impulsive and mysterious. 

Holotypes include: Raphael (Supernatural), Uncle Iroh (ATLA), Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter), Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars), Gandalf (LOTR)

[samwenahetbait]

Supernatural, Season 7, and the Positive and Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia/Psychosis

I just finished season 7 of Supernatural. Season 7 and Sam’s arc, and later Cas’ arc, interested me a lot because I’m schizoaffective (schizoaffective being schizophrenia plus a mood disorder, either bipolar or depression, in my case depression).

I’ve done a lot of research on the disorder and spectrum of disorders and when watching the beginning of honey!Cas I thought this would be a really interesting way to show the ways the show does and doesn’t portray psychotic disorders well.

I’ll be using both Sam and Cas, Sam for positive symptoms and Cas for negative symptoms, and evaluating them for how accurate they are to DSM 5 criteria for psychosis, criteria for schizophrenia (understanding that neither of them could be diagnosed due to duration and the magical nature of their problem), and accuracy to personal experience (not all psychotic experiences are the same, obviously, so this is not the most accurate test, but lets do it anyways lol)

This is gonna be long, so more under the cut!

So a bit of background of the DSM 5 criteria for schizophrenia and DSM 4 criteria for psychosis not otherwise specified, which is still in use in hospitals and doctors offices and would definitely still be used in 2012. The DSM 5 criteria for schizophrenia includes two or more of the following, with one having to be one of the first three: hallucinations, delusions (things that you believe as true even when presented evidence you’re false), disorganized speech, grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior, negative symptoms. The duration must be for six months including prodrome (mostly negative symptoms), with at least one month of active symptoms.

The DSM 4 says psychosis not otherwise specified includes delusions, hallucinations, disorganized speech, grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior about which the doctor cannot make another, better diagnosis.

Positive Symptoms

“Positive” and “negative” symptoms are a bit misleading. what they really mean are positive symptoms are things the disorder adds that aren’t there originally (hallucinations, delusions, disordered speech), and negative symptoms are things that are taken away (blunted affect, poverty of speech, avolition or lack of energy)

[ID: Sam looks to the left. He says “he’s singing “stairway to heaven” right now.” End ID]

Sam is our character who experiences positive symptoms with Hallucifer. There are multiple types of hallucinations, the most common being auditory. Combination auditory and visual hallucinations are possible but they’re more rare than the media makes you believe.

Sam has a stereotypical case of what an outsider with no research may think psychosis or schizophrenia is - he has a voice that will not let him sleep, that constantly bothers him. Sam qualifies for Psychosis Not Otherwise Specified in that he has a prominent hallucination and does not qualify for another disorder.

What’s interesting about Sam’s psychosis to me watching, though, was the hallucination was the only sign of psychosis he had. It was severe and caused depression, derealization, dissociation, and insomnia but he never had delusions outside of the hallucinations, never had disordered speech outside of sleep deprivation, never had bizarre movements or disorganized behaviors. The only way to get a schizophrenia diagnosis with only hallucinations is if you have two or more voices who talk to each other, which he does not have. Sam would absolutely not qualify for a schizophrenia diagnosis.

As for personal experience - I’ve been hospitalized because voices have made it impossible for me to sleep so this arc hit close to home. I thought at times he was a little too well put together and honestly think there were moments in the season the writers forgot he was actively hallucinating. I thought that besides only having hallucinations and it being the Hollywood hallucination Sam’s arc with his “voice” was fairly easy for me to empathize with - but not easy for anyone else to treat him with respect. Here’s a link to a quiz I made about which ableist phrase used against Sam in season 7 you are

Negative Symptoms

[ID: Meg, in a nurses outfit, crosses her arms. Castiel’s profile is seen. Meg says “He’s been like the naked guy at the rave ever since he woke up.” End ID]

Cas, when absorbing Sam’s hell trauma, originally has his one positive symptom - hallucinations of Lucifer. However, after he wakes up from his coma he has one and a half noticeable positive symptoms and one and a half marked negative symptoms.

Cas experiences some form of hallucination (he tells Sam that he “sees everything” when asked what he sees) but it’s unclear what he means by this. He has noticeable disorganized speech however in that he will end conversations during important discussions and change the topic, which is an aspect of disorganized speech.

I would also argue Cas experiences a negative symptoms known in disorganized schizophrenia particularly, although anyone with psychosis can have it: inappropriate affect. Some people with schizophrenia will laugh during moments when they should be crying or show inappropriate emotional responses, uncontrolled. Cas doesn’t seem to have control over his emotions and will make jokes and laugh during tense or upsetting situations. Part of that is also due to his complete disconnect with reality and what is happening in the situation. It could also be argued he experienced disorganized movement or catatonia, as we see him staring blankly and sitting still at the end of 7.17.

Castiel definitely qualifies for PNOS through his disconnect with reality, possible hallucinations, and disorganized speech, as well as with inappropriate affect and possible catatonia. Despite having more on the list than Sam he still doesn’t qualify for schizophrenia.

This is getting longer than anticipated so I’ll try to make this section shorter. I don’t think honey!cas was written to be psychotic. I don’t think he was written with an illness in mind. I don’t think either of them were. I think Cas was written to be funny crazy and Sam to be scary crazy. But in writing a funny crazy character the writers accidentally hit somewhere personal as someone living with the cognitive and neurological effects of schizoaffective. I watched honey!cas on a bad cognitive day and sobbed when they were mean to him because I related to the disorganized speech and the inappropriate behavior. Is it good representation? No. It’s exaggerated and ridiculed. It’s deeply ableist. And the way the writer’s treat him and have others treat him is deeply ableist. But I did find myself relating and rooting for him.

Fandom Response

I haven’t been in Supernatural fandom long (four months) and being involved with fandom while watching the show has been interesting. I’ve had pretty much everything at least somewhat spoiled so I was excited to see honey!cas and psychotic Sam in something other than gifs. I’ve seen maybe three people talk about sam’s psychosis, maybe because I don’t follow enough sam blogs, but it’s not something I’ve seen a lot of. everyone i’ve seen has been psychotic and made it clear he’s a psychotic character or been supportive of viewing him as psychotic. But honey!cas is very popular and...sexualized?

I’ve seen two responses to honey!cas: he’s so crazy or he’s so slutty. I’m going to ask both of those groups of people to see the character as a person experiencing cognitive issues and a break from reality. Not saying not to talk about honey!cas - he’s interesting, but please don’t sexualize him for being quirky when by quirky you mean delusional and please don’t do the opposite and demonize him for being vulnerable (and if that’s crazy. you should see me off my meds)

[seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana]

A Talk Under the Stars

@megatraven and @catlovingwitch and @aallotarenunelma (just in case you'd like to read my writing, sorry if not).

This is an Alex x MC fic!! I saw a post of Meg's talking about Alex and how fate is confusing for them since they're a demigod. I saw that and was like, "hmmm...angst idea....". And I'm finally writing it!! I hope you both enjoy it :). MC is 7 in this fic and Alex is 12. I wanted it to maybe be teenagers for both but decided against it. The age mention isn't necessarily important but MC is described as young and I wanted to make it clear how old she is.

I wanted fluff and anxiety and being a teen causes anxiety (for Alex), so here we go!

.

.

Today was a day that Alex couldn't wait for. On certain days, their mother would let MC come over and see them. They were usually busy with the other divine beings on Olympus or following their mother, but today was a day they could see MC.

Sure, it sounds weird to be so excited to see one person, but they truly were happy. MC was young and adored everything about Olympus and them, so seeing her was always a treat. She would always ask questions, point at everything shiny, want to touch everything, and just be with them. They loved it.

However, that happiness was dimmed with another emotion. It was one they couldn't describe, one they still didn't know how to handle. They tried to push it away today, but they couldn't. Every time they looked at any person or even object relating to Olympus and it's history, it made their mind focus back on their issue.

They were a demigod surrounded by Gods. Surrounded by some God's who looked down upon humans and treated demigods different. Their mother treated them like she treated all of her children. She was fair with them and made sure that they knew they were amazing, strong, and deserved to be here, but sometimes they thought differently. Sometimes they thought that they didn't deserve to be on Olympus, or thought that maybe their mother was trying to lie to them. They didn't know why they thought like this, but they did. And they hated it.

But they put on a smile and tried to push those feelings away as they saw MC running towards them. They were in their estate and MC and her mother finally arrived. They were ready to spend their day together.

.

MC and Alex were now laying in the grass, looking up at the night sky. They were laying on their backs next to each other and holding hands. They spent the whole day together, and with their mothers, and were relaxing before they had to say goodbye. They were in Aphrodite's backyard and talking while looking at the beautiful sky. Alex was telling funny stories and MC was sharing her own. But when it went silent, MC could see the sadness on their face.

"Alex," MC said in a soft voice. Her voice that was usually loud with excitement was now dimmed with worry.

They looked over at her and hummed in response.

"Something's wrong. You look...upset."

They sighed and smiled at her fondly. "Oh. I'm alright. Just a little tired." They tried to push the topic away, but that didn't work with her. It never seemed to. She always somehow knew something was wrong.

"No, you're not. You were just excited, but now your smile is gone and you just...don't look happy." She struggled to explain what she saw, but she knew they understood. They knew they weren't hiding anything well.

They looked back up at the sky and thought things through. They always tried to put their thoughts and doubts into actual words when talking with others, but they never worked. They never came out right and they never felt better. Well, never felt truly better. But, they wanted to try again. Maybe MC could understand them.

"I'm just thinking about how I'm different."

"How you're different?" She asked slowly with confusion.

"Yeah. I'm not a full blooded God. I'm only half."

"I know that. But why are you thinking about it?" She asked curiously, not knowing that it was a very difficult question to answer.

They went silent again as they thought their words through. "It's because it makes me different." They knew that didn't make sense, but that was the way they could express it.

MC let out a hum and thought as well. She looked back up at the stars, hoping they would give her an answer, but she had to think of her own. "There's nothing wrong with being different, Alex," is what she decided on. And it was what she really thought.

They laughed softly and shook their head. "But it's not a good different. It's a different that people look down upon. A difference that makes me feel left out."

MC gasped softly and squeezed their hand tightly. "Alex! Who's making you feel left out? Can I yell at them?" Her voice was high with slight anger and she felt truly upset about that. About the idea of them feeling left out and hurt.

They laughed and looked back over at her to see her already looking at them. She had a pout on her face and looked angry while also looking worried. It made her look cute and they gave her a sweet smile.

"No. I don't think punching someone could solve this issue. It's been going on for too long. Even before my time."

"Well, what is it? Maybe I can help." She smiled at them and it put them at slight ease.

"Demigods are treated differently. Most of the time, they are seen as below everyone else. It's not necessarily that we aren't accepted, it's just that...we're not good enough. It's why Zeus keeps putting Hercules through many trails."

"Ugh," MC said at the mention of Zeus. "I'm tired of hearing about Zeus. He makes me tired, and I don't even see him!"

Alex laughed and it brought their spirits up a bit. "Well, yeah. He makes everyone tired sometimes. Thankfully, I don't deal with him much."

"But what else is bothering you? There's got to be something else!" She was curious about everything, and now she wanted to know more about Alex. She knew many things, but she didn't seem to know much about what's really going on.

They looked back up at the stars, once again. Looking at them made it easier for them to talk. "Do you want to know a secret?"

MC gasped with excitement and nodded vigorously.

"You're a human, and one thing about being human is that you get to choose your own fate. You're not bound by anything. You have free will and can decide anything you want."

MC's eyes widened and she looked happy. "That's really cool to know." Then she remember why they were telling her this. "Why does it make you sad?"

"The God's have fate. They are bound by it. I don't know if they can change it, but they are bound. But I'm half. What does that mean for me? Am I bound to something that I can never change? Am I doomed?" Their questions kept coming out of them and their fear began to come back. Fate wasn't the only thing bothering them, but that one topic truly did bug them.

"Maybe it's in the middle."

Their eyebrows furrowed with confusion and they looked back over at her. She was looking at the stars as well with a small smile. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe you do have a fate. Maybe you are bound. But...maybe it's a loose string. Like on a sweater. A loose string is there and you can either leave it alone or cut it off. Maybe you are bound by a string and can either let it take its course, or cut it off and make your own fate." She looked over at them when she was done and laughed when she saw the look on their face. They looked confused, but also like they had a revelation.

Like they finally realized something.

And then they looked down at their intertwined hands and felt worry. Worry for them, but also for her. "But what if I ruin it?" They whispered this and felt scared. They were scared something bad could happen if they dared to tempt fate at all.

"You could never ruin it. As long as you have faith and hope, you can do anything!" Her voice was excited and they knew she believed in them. But they still couldn't believe in themselves.

"But-".

"Alex. Let me ask you some questions."

They nodded and let her take the lead this time. Maybe her being excited would take their mind off of things.

However, she wouldn't let this topic go. She wouldn't let things end without them feeling comfortable.

She lifted her hand above her and she made them do the same. "Look at our hands together. Tell me what's different."

They did as told and looked at their hands. "Yours is smaller than mine."

She nodded and hummed. "Exactly. But is there any other difference you see?"

"No."

"Now, imagine your moms hand. Is there any difference?"

"No."

"Exactly! Now how about our hearts?" She grabbed their hand and placed it against her chest and she placed hers against theirs. After a few moments, they both felt the others heart beat. They were both calm and almost had the same rhythm. "Is there any difference here?"

They shook their head with a smile as they looked at her.

She moved their hands to be intertwined again and resting in-between them. "Exactly! And other than our physical appearances, we have more things in common. We have hearts, we have faces, we have the same body functions, we have voices, we can move, and almost everything is the same! So how could we really be different from each other?"

They thought about what she meant. They were practically the same. The only thing different was the blood in their veins. They had Aphrodite's blood in their veins. They were her child, had a sliver of her powers, and were divine. But...when they thought about it, they weren't that different from humans. Even Aphrodite wasn't different. Neither were the others.

"Everyone here may have powers, but if you take that away, what do you have left? You have someone like me."

"Are you comparing yourself to a God?" They smirked at her and she nodded with excitement.

"Yes! You may see a difference, but I do not. Maybe I'm too young to see it, but I don't see one. If humans can live the same way as the Gods, then we're not truly different. And so you're not different from a God." She said this with authority and as if she was right, and Alex loved it. She was young, yet believed what she thought was right.

They both looked back up at the stars and everything MC said made their heart feel better. They knew she didn't understand everything, but maybe she understood more things than they did. She experienced life above and on the surface. She witnessed how divine and mortals lived, and she didn't see a difference. Her eyes saw a person equally in both places.

But Alex was taught to see differences. They were told there was a difference, that there was a huge difference. But being with MC right now made them think that maybe there isn't one. Maybe their strength is the only difference. Maybe everyone is different while also being truly the same. That thought made them feel better, and they were more grateful that they had someone like MC by their side. And they intended to keep her there, no matter what fate or differences there were between them.

And that other feeling inside of them was growing. It was always around and it grew bigger each time they saw MC, and they wonder what it is. They think they'll know what it is once they get older, or that's what they hope.

And they sure did, but not in the way they wanted.

.

.

Their back felt uncomfortable as they sat in the infirmary chair. They were staring at MC as she laid in the bed. She hit her head very hard from Deukalions attack, and their heart felt heavy. Everything felt hard and it hurt to breathe for a few moments. She was alive and that was the biggest relief, but the fact that something worse could've happened kept plaquing their mind.

They think this is their fault, that all of this happened because of their own desires, and they remember what MC told them under the stars all those years ago.

"You compared yourself to a God, MC. But...you're not a God," they whispered out. Their hand was clutching the golden heart they always wore and it was just a reminder of their differences. "You can't take a God's strength away, so there will always be a difference between us."

They both grew up and that conversation kept appearing in their mind these days. She wanted to be right, but she wasn't. There is a difference between Gods and mortals. There always would be. Especially, their fates. MC had free will, and Alex still doesn't know what they have. But they do know what full blooded God's have. They have a fate, and any human that is roped into it it is already set up for doom.

They felt their eyes water at that thought. At the mere thought that they could've just ruined her life because of their blood, because of their connection to Olympus. It hurt, and they were lost. They didn't know what to do, they didn't know how to protect her, they didn't know what to do.

But they did know something, or they believe they knew it. They believed that they knew the ending of this. They read many greek tales and they even experienced one along MC. They knew what happens to humans roped into a divine fate, and they wouldn't let her end up being another victim.

Not now. Not ever.

So, even if it hurt them, they hoped they could change her fate for her. Even if it meant destroying their own fate that they dreamed of.

.

.

SOOO!!! THIS!! Wasn't as good as I kind of wanted it. I wanted MC to make Alex realize that there isn't a different between mortal and divine. Or at least make it seem that kid MC believed it and maybe make Alex believe it. But ended it with Alex realizing no. There is a difference. And by the ending of destroying their own fate, I meant that they destroyed the idea of being with her by ending things.

Like they could either be with her and end up a tragedy in the end, or save her by destroying their dream of being with her. Destroying their own fate that they wanted to build. I love sad Alex and I hope this was good and made some kind of sense :')).

AND!! When I said that they experienced their own tale, I meant that they both experienced MC's mother's death and how she was involved romantically with Aphrodite and how she ended up dead. She was roped into a divines fate and ended up as a tragedy :'). So I hope y'all enjoyed this! There is some proofreading, but if something is wrong then my bad!

[haniawritesfiction]

Recent Reads-July/August 2021

The Psychology of Time Travel By Kate Mascarenhas

In a world where time travel was invented in the 1960s, two women become caught up in a murder that hasn't yet happened. For a book about time travel, The Psychology of Time Travel feels closer to realistic fiction than a sci-fi novel, honestly, if we ever invent time travel I could see this easily happening. For all that it technically a mystery, this book is more interested in the relationships, dysfunctions, and institutions that create these circumstances than the actual mystery. Don't go into this book expecting a murder mystery and you won't be disappointed. Mascarenhas masterfully uses pov's of minor characters to make this world feel truly immersive while never losing sight of her main characters, both of whom are flawed, fascinating, and very human. A great take on the time travel genre. -9/10

Devil's Ballast By Meg Caddy

A swashbuckling adventure focusing on the famed female pirate Anne Bonny. Devil's Ballast was.... a weird one. For a book that's meant to be a pirate adventure the pace is way too slow at times and then when it finally reaches the action, it rushes through it. The book also had a completely unnecessary pov of a pirate hunter that added absolutely nothing to the plot. I feel like I would've enjoyed the whole book way more if Anne herself had been more memorable, I'd just finished watching Black Sails, so Devil's Ballast's Anne Bonny and Jack Rackham are pretty boring in comparison to their Black Sails counterparts. But the part of the book that irked me the most was the romance. Anne spends the whole book seeming not that interested in Jack until the last second when he's her great love again. The strongest relationship in this book is the friendship between her and Mark Read, which was pretty cute and my favorite part of the whole book. -4/10

The Strangers Child By Alan Hollinghurst

In Edwardian England, while staying at a friend's house, a man writes a love poem that becomes famous. In the decades following, his family and friends are forced to live with his, and the poem's legacy. The Stranger's Child is an incredibly atmospheric book, with beautiful prose, but it felt like a bit of a letdown. Instead of an exploration of what if a famous love poem is actually gay, it's more of a meandering look at various moments in English history and the people living through it. There were chapters that just felt entirely pointless and there were only three sections that actually felt thematically linked. This book had so much potential, but it felt like the author's vision and the supposed premise were constantly at odds.-6/10

Crooked Kingdom By Leigh Bardugo

The sequel to Six Of Crows; political intrigue, gang wars, and magic all meet in the seedy underworld of Ketterdam. I read Six Of Crows about four months ago and mostly enjoyed it, though to be honest, I didn't quite get the hype. With this book, I get it. Crooked Kingdom weaves a complex and engaging plot to match it's superb worldbuilding and characters and I read it in one sitting. The fantasy elements were never too overwhelming nor predictable and the ending was the perfect amount of bittersweet. If you struggled through Six Of Crows, give this one a try, you'll find it hard to put down.-8/10

Circe By Madeline Miller

A re-imagining of an often maligned figure in ancient Greek mythology: the sorceress Circe. I had a massive greek mythology phase as a kid and so reading this was a blast. Miller's writing has an appropriately mythical feel, weaving multiple myths together to explore Circe's psyche. Circe herself manages to be incredibly likable despite her flaws and Miller expands her beyond her common depiction as a vindictive, promiscuous woman. Because of the nature of the plot, I feel like having basic knowledge of greek mythology enhances the reading experience, especially knowledge of the odyssey. To understand this Circe, it's important to understand the Circe of the odyssey and the way the common tropes of greek mythology are being deconstructed.-10/10

Honey Girl By Morgan Rogers

A young woman feels lost after getting her doctorate and runs off to spend the summer with a woman she got married to while drunk in Vegas. Honey Girl is not a romance novel or really your traditional romcom, instead, it is an exploration of family and coming of age in your twenties with a well-written love story at its center. From the prose and general atmosphere, this book has an almost magical feel, yet manages to feel incredibly raw and real. If you're burnt out on romcoms and want something that isn't too saccharine yet leaves you with that warm fuzzy feeling, this book is for you.-10/10

Bolla By Pajtim Statovci

In 1990s Kosovo, two men, a Serbian and an Albanian fall in love. Years later, the two men both struggle with the after-effects of the war and their circumstances. Bolla is not the sort of book that you can say you like, though I certainly didn't dislike it. The writing is fantastic and has a very unique quality (possibly due to the novel having been translated from Finish) yet Bolla is incredibly bleak. The romance presumably at the center of the novel is less of the focus and instead what anchors the two men's stories. Their relationship is over by chapter three and at first, I was honestly a little peeved that it got that little attention or description, however by the end of the book I honestly felt it worked. A haunting story of war and the human condition.-7/10

The Kingdoms By Natasha Pulley

When a man gets off a train in London, he can remember barely anything about himself or his life, except the sense that the reality he is faced with is wrong; Britain has been under occupation by the French since they won the Napoleonic wars 85 years ago. Determined to find out who he really is, he follows a century-old letter to an abandoned Scottish lighthouse and finds himself the key to winning a war that could change everything. The Kingdoms is a book that keeps on giving, just the premise of a Britain occupied by France is fascinating, but Pulley goes a step further weaving a complex plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Her writing is fantastic and like the premise, it felt like entire books could be written about every single setting. The characters are also engaging, from Joe, our main character, who is just so immediately likeable, to Kit, a character who is the definition of morally grey. My only quibble is the female characters, who feel fairly underdeveloped and only really there to flesh out the male ones. -9/10

Cinderella is Dead By Kalynn Bayron

300 years after Cinderella found her happy ending her legacy has been twisted to create a dystopian life for the girls living in her kingdom. Four to five years ago, I think I would've really liked Cinderella is Dead; I mean it's a sapphic fairytale retelling! But my taste in books has changed a lot and this book just felt far too YA for me. The writing felt young, the characters underdeveloped and the plot cliched.-2/10