#also just wanted to animate something ^^ id clean it up if i had more time but alas I do Not

[futuristichedge]

OMEGA SWEEP!!!! Please go vote here for the best member of Team Dark!!!

@fernsnailz

[koobiie]

bestowing my highest honor as an artist to ffxv (drawing the characters in fun outfits)

thoughts under the cut

RREAAAGHHHH SO EXCITED TO BE DONE WITH THIS!!!!! it took me forevarrrr but i soldiered through as an act of love. now excuse me. yap time

OKAY SO the concept behind this was originally specific fashion subcultures for everyone!l ike noct emo ignis dark academia etc. but then decided i didnt want to pigeonhole it all and just freestyled outfits i thought would look nice on everyone

noct - i do think noct would still be emo-ish but also opt for comfy baggy stuff a lot. something you could just fall asleep in on the spot. note the details of bass pro shop shirt (of course) XV necklace, little moon + stars accents, carbuncle + fish keychains. i also wanted his metal band logo shirt to spell LUCIS but i forgor some letters but its not very readable anyways

ignis - ignit ooohghh ignos ignaurs. sorry i made him serve so much cunt it will happen again. i drew him first cause that kind of inspired this whole thing i love him so bad if i didnt draw it id explode. not much detail to note except his collar pins are like his double blade thingies

luna - lunaaa the concept was “clean girl aesthetic” idk if that happened but im actually really happy with how it came out! might be my favorite of the bunch just because she looks so pretty and happy. your honor she should have been able to just be a normal girl and just. chill

prompto - prompotoooo i had trouble picking his vibe!!! my first thought was techwear?? because weeheeeehee he loves tech and well... you know... but then i realized i didnt really like the look of anything i saw + it was so bulky and dark and serious for him! ending up going with some more youthful and baggy. i was considering something more loud and colorful but ended up not going with it. i feel like in canon he'd be too nervous to have such a flashy fit and would want to just look "cool" to fit in with the boys lol. itty bitty details here - chocobo keychain, pompompurin and bi miku buttons, and his lanyard is kings knight themed! i also thought it was funny to write LUCIS on his shirt like you know those shirts that just say BROOKLYN or TOKYO or SAN FRANCISCO and thats it. thats what its like

gladio - okay i know this is going to sound like a lie but im not horny for gladio like at all, hes my least favorite, i think he's just alright. but also i KNOW in my heart of hearts that he would LOVE being a leather daddy and so i had to make it happen. main detail to note here is that his tank top has the motifs of a cup noodle! i didnt know what else to add cause you know.. hes the cup noodle guy.. but also i didnt want it to be so in your face about it with a big as logo so kept it subtle!

(side note the leather daddy gave me an idea for a post where its like noct and prom go to a gay bar all nervous but then they run into gladio and its like "p: GLADIO YOURE GAY?" "n: nevermind that PLEASE dont tell ignis we snuck out" and then ignis walks up and theyre all like WHAT THE FUCK!!!! caption would be "the gang finds out theyre all bisexual." probably wont draw it but i think its very funny lol)

iris - iris my sweetheart.... definitely leaned into the scene vibes here and also that one image of the blonde emo anime girl. details here - of course the moogle big ass backpack and keychain (can you tell i love keychains), but also her buttons are an iris (the flower) and also a crown with hearts (haha symbolism)

anyways oh god i didnt mean to write an essay down here. usually i keep this in the tags but this time i just had Too Much To Say. can you tell i put a lot of thought and love into this . anwyays. *walks off into the sunset and fuckig dies*

[the-thing-withfeathers]

…RIDE A COWGIRL!

a/n: okayyyy part 2 to save a horse! this one’s a tidbit longer just cause i uhhh may have gotten carried away. there’s also two smut parts in this sooooo enjooooy all that content.

part 1 | part 3

pairing: cowgirl!madison beer x reader

smut warnings: oral (r!receiving), strap riding, praise kink, masturbation.

warnings: parental arguments, criminal activity (super small), mentions of suicide attempt (non-main character), alcoholic drinks.

summary: you find yourself integrating slowly into farm life. yes, it’s a struggle. but madison makes it all worth it.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

the farm has not been easy on you.

your first nail chipped last week and the rest simply followed suit. that wasn’t even your biggest issue. you’ve fallen on your ass so many times that someone could make bank if they had a dollar for each time it happened.

you even got shoved off a stool by stanley. you weren’t getting any better with him but you were definitely trying. cleaning his stable and brushing him when you could.

however, you could admit that things would be a lot worse if there wasn’t a beautiful brunette sporting her cowgirl hat to pick you right back up.

you never thought you’d be getting along with a straight-up country girl. all your friends were the same, raised in the city and went to the ever so posh local private school. perhaps, that’s where you went wrong in the first place.

“hey snappy!” madison approached you while you were deep in thought on your grandparents’ front porch— when did she mount a horse?

madison sat atop a gray mustang— who you’ve come to know as ‘travis’— you need to start telling your grandfather to choose better names. she held onto the reigns while the horse trotted closer to the porch, stopping before the stairs.

“come for a ride.”

who were you to say no to that smile?

you carefully approached, not wanting a repeat of stanley. you were still fairly cautious around the animals, they haven’t been very kind to you either. stomping whenever you did something wrong or making you chase them around. travis was a bit more approachable, probably cause madison was there. you stopped in your tracks.

“i don’t know how to get up there.” you sighed, dejected.

“okay.” madison smirked at you, dismounting the horse. she pointed to the saddle’s stirup. “put your foot in there then…” she pointed to the saddle’s horn, “put your hand there to help hoist yourself up.”

you put your foot in the stirup just as she said, grabbing the horn and slowly pulling yourself up. you felt the saddle move, freaking yourself out a bit and losing your footing. you felt a pair of hands grip both sides of your waist— it took you a second to process that madison was touching the skin that was showing from under your tied up flannel.

“c’mon, i’ve got you.” the sight was enough to make you weak to your knees, but those words— oh, those words had you. she pushed upwards, her hands reaching as far as your ribcage, to help you mount the saddle. her fingers, they were so calloused from working on the farm, yet they were so gentle and warm.

go up further, you thought.

“swing your leg over.” she ordered— and you didn’t even hesitate.

you swung your leg over, slowly adjusting yourself on the saddle. you had to catch your breath just then, you wanted her to touch you more.

“good girl!” she said as you got yourself up.

wait— fuck. good girl?!

“can you take your foot out of the stirup so i can get on?” she asked, looking up at you. you nodded and shook your foot a bit to get it off.

she followed suit, taking her place in front of you. “you’d better hold on.” she said, lifting her elbows for you to wrap your arms around her. you hesitantly put your hands on her shirt and bunched the fabric into little balls in your fist. she simply chuckled, holding the reigns and clicking her tongue twice, using the stirup to nudge travis and snapping the reigns softly.

you kept your hands tight around her white shirt. you were nervous, you’d never been on horseback before. the ride was slow, yes, but you had the feeling you could fall at any second.

“i’m surprised you’ve never ridden a horse before.” madison commented, “you never tried as a kid when you lived here?”

“i was too little.” you shrugged, gritting your teeth, you were holding something back. “i would’ve flown off.”

“you can still fly off when you’re grown.” madison pointed out.

“yeah, i know.” you said back.

“watch.”

“wait— what?!”

madison clicked her tongue again, snapping the reigns a bit more forceful this time and moving the stirups against travis.

travis nickered and started running. fast.

“MADISON!” you yelled, being pushed forward by the sudden force. you wrapped your arms around her waist tightly, your cheek against her back. you geniunely felt like you were about to get flung off.

you heard the cowgirl laugh, she was slightly hunched over to keep herself from getting flung backwards. you found her laugh to be endearing on most days, but not right now when she scared the living daylight out of you. how could she be so okay with this? how was she not terrified too?

she directed travis to take you both to the edge of the farm that overlooked a cliff. the scenery was beautiful. rows and rows of trees with a little pond of water in the middle of it. she dismounted first, then offered a hand to you. which, out of spite, you didn’t want to take at first but then realised how high up you were. you grabbed her hand and slowly lowered yourself off the saddle. you then stood beside her as she smacked travis’ behind, causing him to run off towards the farm.

“wait! what was that for? don’t we need him?!” you protested.

“i thought we could walk back, i scared you enough already today. and he’ll find his way back.” madison shrugged. you rolled your eyes at her.

“how considerate of you.” you said, your tone no short of sarcasm.

she waved to travis then turned to you.

“we talk a lot of work. i wanted to actually have a proper conversation with you.” she said, walking towards the cliff’s edge, a beckoning hand asking you to follow. the sun was about to set, and the sky was a color too beautiful to ignore.

“we have proper conversations…” you grumbled a little bit. you were partially terrified to talk about yourself. you prided yourself on a guard you had set up all those years ago when you realised the world was a lot harsher than people make it out to be.

“yes, about how fat the pigs are getting.” she retaliated as she sat down on the edge of the cliff. you hesitated, stepping back a bit. she noticed you, eyes wide in worry.

“you’re scared of heights.” she said, a massive smile growing on her face that you wanted to kiss off— no! punch off.

“i’m not!” you lied through your teeth, stepping forward but then stepping back again when you saw what was below you. hundreds of feet of air to fall through.

“i saw it. you were scared to mount travis earlier. and now, you won’t sit next to me.” she said, scooting over. “c’mon…” she opened her arms over the free spot next to her. “i’ve got you.”

she seems to “got you” a lot.

it was getting on your nerves a little bit how small you felt. you had walls in place to stop you from seeming so helpless, but madison seems to tear them down without even trying.

you inched closer, practically gripping the ground when lowering yourself into the spot next to her. she wrapped her arm around your waist, securing you into place. you tried to ignore the hot pink flush that covered your cheeks.

“why did you move to the city?” she asked you, looking over the horizon.

“my parents got new jobs. they went from working in town to big shot corporate jobs. i think my dad was kind of happy about it, honestly, he isn’t much of a farm guy either. my mom, she was upset though. but i have no idea. i was just a kid when we left.” you said, starting to ramble. you don’t ramble.

“i see.” she nodded.

“have you always lived here, madison?” you asked, you figured it was only fair that she had to answer questions too.

“well, i live in the next town over. it’s about 20 minutes that way.” she pointed in the general direction of her town. “but no. my dad’s in the army so we moved around a lot before finally settling down. but i’ve always lived on farmland.”

“moving around a lot couldn’t have been easy.”

“it wasn’t. but we made do.” she shrugged her shoulders. “and it’s not like i could do anything about it.”

you went quiet again, your eyes unwavering from the sunset in front of you. when it got dark, you broke the silence.

“how did you come to work for my grandparents if you live in the next town over? surely they have farmhands here.” you teased a bit.

“ouch. you sayin’ you’d rather have someone else?” she held a hand to her heart.

“well…” you teased again. “no. but i’m just curious.”

she sighed and stood up, it seems like you’ve hit a nerve. you didn’t mean to. “let’s walk and talk.” she held a hand out for you to take. with her help, you lifted yourself up and she led you away from the cliff.

she tucked her hands into her pocket and started making her way down the trail. “right. so… three years ago, my father was discharged from the army. unfortunately, he didn’t get any help from the trauma that he faced— i’ve noticed it happens to veterans a lot. at one point, he took off in the night and we had no idea where he went. turns out, he crashed his car into your grandparents’ farm.” she shifted a bit, showing slight discomfort.

“oh…” you whispered. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to pry.”

“no, it’s okay. you would have found out from a google search, honey.” you found it irritating how she still managed to make your stomach jump despite the conversation. “they pulled him out of the wreckage and called the ambulance. they stayed with him and kept him alive until they got there. i’ve been indebted to them ever since. they kept refusing my help but—“

“but you can be persistent.” you chimed in, jabbing at her a little bit to lighten the mood. she seemed to take it well.

“yes… actually. i can be persistent.” madison nodded, laughing softly. “so… i know it’s probably a sensitive topic but i’m curious too… why did your parents send you all the way out here?”

you stopped in your tracks for a second. you knew the question would come up, you were just wondering if you would tell her or not. she noticed your sudden freeze.

“you don’t have to—“

“shoplifting.” you cut her off. “i was shoplifting.” you admitted. “they said i’d lost touch with reality too much so they sent me here… which is ironic because the farm is as far away from reality as possible. but i guess they meant that i needed a humbling experience— well, it’s been humbling.” you chuckled dryly.

“you’ve been doing well.” she smiled and put a hand on your shoulder. “and we’re glad to have you here, if anything.”

“thank you, madison.” you just nodded at her and kept walking.

you two started to approach your grandparents’ house again. you walked towards the door but noticed madison stayed back.

“are you not coming in?” you asked.

“nah, i gotta get back for dinner.” she waved her hand in dismissal.

“you’ll be safe?” you asked, unsure where the sudden concern came from.

“i will be.” she tipped her hat at you. you hated when she did that, and that hatred reflected right at your core… your very warm core. she started to walk away but sharply turned back to you.

“oh! my friends and i are going to the rodeo tomorrow. and then we’ll go to the bar next to it. you should come and join us.” she said.

you had been so busy with the farm that you forgot to have a social life. you didn’t have any friends here except madison. you thought it would be a good idea.

“i’d love to.” you nodded, holding the door open for yourself.

“okay, pick you up at 6 tomorrow.”

“i’ll be waiting.” you chuckled, waving her goodbye.

you walked into your grandparents’ house and peeked through the curtains, making sure madison made it out of the driveway safe enough.

you made your way up to your bedroom to wait for dinner to be ready. you closed your eyes for a second, thinking about madison and her family. you wondered how someone could go through that and be as strong as her— it was admirable. you admired her.

as those thoughts ran through your head, you cut yourself off— what were you going to wear to a rodeo?!

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

madison was at yours at 6pm on the dot the next day. she was excited to take you to your first rodeo, and she was excited to have a new friend. her small town friends were close to her heart but it was nice to have someone that bantered with her as well as you did.

she knocked thrice on your front door and your grandmother answered.

“oh hello there, sweetie. she’ll be down shortly.” your grandmother giggled a little bit, why was she giggling? “come in, come in.”

madison followed after her and took her hat off, holding it close to her chest.

“i’m glad you’re taking her out for once. she’s gonna need some people around her to make it through this.” your grandmother said.

madison smiled warmly at her then heard your footsteps descend from the staircase. her jaw dropped the second she saw you. she knew you were beautiful but seeing you like this— this got her good.

you were in a white floral backless dress, very southern bell of you. you wore new brown boots that matched the dress and your hair was done up with curls.

“oh… you look…” she started.

“different?” you asked, teasing her.

“no… well, yes. but in a good way— the best way.” she smiled at you, taking you in.

“thank you.” you said, approaching her. you two were almost chest to chest then you put your hand on her hat. “get that thing on and let’s get outta here.” you said.

she nodded and put her hat back on her head. opening the door for you, she put her hand on your back to lead you out the door.

“m’lady.”

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

the rodeo was something you never thought to attend. it was rowdy and loud and you felt completely out of place. there was alcohol going everywhere and people screaming directly in your ear. you were happy to meet madison’s friends though; triplets named matt, chris, and nick that distinguished themselves by their different colored wardrobes.

you kept your eyes on the event in front of you. this distressed guy getting flung around by an equally distressed bull. he had one arm on the saddle while his other hand was waving his hat in the air. men were waving their fist at him, telling him to hold on.

you found yourself laughing softly when he was flung off into the wall.

“it’s too bad. he lasted a fair bit.” you turned to madison, who was holding a beer in her hand.

“he did. but that bull is relentless.” she said, standing up with the masses as the event came to an end. she offered you a hand.

“that was… definitely something!” you said, taking her hand and standing along with her. “i’d love to come and see it again.”

“really? after all that flinching you did when someone would scream?” she jabbed at you.

“shut it. i had fun watching some poor dude get thrown off a bull.” you laughed.

the crowd started funnelling into the bar next to the showgrounds. it was a massive two-story bar filled with people. the second floor was pretty much one big balcony that overlooked the first floor, which contained a bar and dance floor with a stage & dj booth on the far end.

“care for a drink?” madison asked you, your hands still interlocked. you nodded at her with a smile, “you seem like a non-beer person. a cocktail maybe? for my pretty little southern bell?” she asked, a teasing tone before starting to walk off.

“shut up! i can handle beer!” you protested but then went after her a bit. “wait! you’re right though! no beer!” you called after. you walked off with the triplets to find a table by the dance floor.

you patiently waited for madison to get back, you spotted her making her way across the dance floor with a coke in one hand and a cocktail in the other. she spotted you as well and put your drink on the table in front of you.

“vodka raspberry for the princess.” she said, smirking at you while she took a sip of her beer.

“thanks…” you said, picking it up and examining it. sure, you were surrounded by alcohol all the time. your friends back in the city loved going out and your parents kept a liquor cabinet. however, you weren’t incredibly big on it. you took a sip and raised your eyebrows.

“okay, not bad.” you said, approvingly. “definitely a bit sweet.”

“well, this just means we’ll have to find your poison.” she put her drink down on the table. “you’ll come out more with us then.”

a smile grew on your face when the triplets nodded, all three of them sporting different drinks. your heart felt warm that they all wanted to see you again. you were doubtful that you would all get along at first, being from different upbringings. but you realised that the upbringing didn’t matter, they had a kindness towards you that not even the city itself had.

“what did you get?” you asked her.

“just a coke, i wanna drive you home safe.” she smiled and took gradual sips.

“looks like you’ll have to teach me to drive your truck one of these days then.” you joked with her but madison loved the imagery of you driving her truck.

music started blaring across the shitty speakers that hovered over the dance floor. you recognized the song from ‘footloose’. you heard cheers and suddenly heard stomping from upstairs, everyone was starting to crowd the dance floor. the triplets & madison excitedly got on their feet, madison holding a hand out to you.

“c’mon, ‘bout time you learned a line dance!” she said, you shook your head quickly.

“hell no, i can’t dance to save my live.” you pulled back.

“you’ll do great!”

“no, madison. trust me. you don’t want me on that dance floor with you. i’ll step on your toes.” you stared at her with wide eyes.

“mads! c’mon!” nick called after her with a beckoning hand as the chorus approached.

“okay! okay!” she called after him. she turned back to you. “fine, but you can at least watch.” she raised her brows at you and you nodded. she ran to take her place beside nick and several whoops were heard as the chorus hit.

‘hey mister won't you sell me a fake I.D’

you watched as madison followed the line dance. her footwork was impressive but you had no doubt that it would be. her hips were moving along to the music.

‘there’s a band in the bar that i’m dying to see’

her boots would hit the ground with a ‘clack” when she would do the hops required for the routine. you couldn’t take your eyes off her body. she moved with such a natural flow that you would have thought she was making it all up on the spot. she laughed as the dance went further along, clearly enjoying herself. you wish you had her confidence.

‘i got my money and you got what i need’

oh god. her hips bouncing to the music. the part of the song that required everyone to swing their asses out nearly killed you when she did it. your eyes trailed down her body. the skin of her stomach was starting to show as she moved rigorously. she was toned. toned to all hell. and her legs looked incredibly strong, like they’d be able to take any kind of work. she suddenly caught your eye, licking her upper lip and winking when she got the chance to face you as her ass swung out. your breath hitched, your eyes studying her.

‘hey mister won't you sell me a fake I.D’

the crowd of dancers did their full rotation, ending the routine with four claps. they started breaking off into their own improvisations when the music would keep going. you watched madison jump around, laughing with the brothers and putting her arms around them. the brothers started to deviate, dancing with the rest of the crowd. another girl pulled madison to the side and started dancing with her. they kept their distance for quite a but until madison pulled her in by her waist.

it was no secret that madison could sense the tension between the two of you. she’s caught you staring so many times. but she wasn’t one to just give in easy, she wanted to see what it would be like if your confidence suddenly skyrocketed. she started dancing with this girl during the tail end of the song, she was just having fun at first then she had an idea. she started pulling her closer until they were chest to chest.

a fire burned in your belly… was it jealousy? it couldn’t be. nope— it definitely was. seeing madison dance with that girl, you wish it was you. your instincts were telling you to step in and take your damn chance, but your feet wouldn’t move.

go, go, go.

and before you knew it, you downed your drink in one. standing up quickly, you swallowed your damn pride and practically stomped over to where madison and the girl were. you didn’t know how to interject, she wasn’t even looking at you.

you suddenly cleared your throat, gripping onto madison’s shoulder and spinning her around. she smiled when she saw you behind her.

“hey princess.” she grinned, standing still. the girl waiting to have the attention back on her.

you didn’t give her any time to speak before your arms were around her neck. you’d gone clubbing before, you knew how to keep a beat. the problem was that this wasn’t the club, and this wasn’t a club beat. but you were going to try.

you dipped your hips to the music, swaying side to side. madison caught the hint, her hands flying straight to your hips and her face lowering itself into her neck. she kept her hand on her hat to keep it steady. your hips swayed in unison, fitting together like a puzzle piece.

she knew her plan had worked when you pulled away and started to sway your shoulders too, pulling her closer to you while you stepped to the beat of the song. she was excited to see you building the confidence to put yourself out there.

“i thought you’d never come.” she had a shit-eating grin on her face.

“well, i couldn’t deny you a dance.” you said, putting your hands on her shoulders, still hopping to the beat a little. “you looked like you needed a partner that could keep a beat.” you said, sneering a bit at the girl.

she chuckled at your jealousy. “that i did, darlin’, that i did.” her hands back around your waist, pulling you closer and suddenly dipping you as the song stopped abruptly. “you did good.” she said, lifting you back up.

before you know it, she was taking the hat off her head and placing it on yours. “look at you, baby. you fit right in.”

you stared up at her with a rosy pink blush on your cheeks, a shy smile growing on your face. you… you were wearing madison’s hat. not that other girl. you were glad your efforts were successful. she had chosen you.

you failed to notice the triplets snickering in the background. they were fully aware of the superstition of a cowgirl putting her hat on someone else’s head. madison was aware of it too, but she wasn’t going to give you that satisfaction just yet.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

after a couple more drinks, you were all ready to hit the hay. you bid your goodbye to the triplets and madison opened the passenger side door for you.

you settled into shotgun and buckled your seatbelt, waiting for her to get into the driver’s seat. you caught a glimpse of yourself in the side mirror. you were still absolutely, undeniably still wearing her hat and you revelled in the sight. you smiled to yourself as she hopped in.

“what’s on your mind, doll?” she asked, putting the keys in the ignition and starting the engine. you remained silent as she let the car warm up.

“nothing major.” you said, looking over at her. “just… never thought i’d enjoy myself this much at a place like this.”

“you mean a rowdy small town country bar? that’s fair enough. i didn’t think i would at first either.” she chuckled and started driving off. “i’m sure the city has it’s fair share of fun but nothing beats the solidarity you get from a place like this.”

“yeah… i suppose you’re right. we all kind of get to the club and branch out back home. it was nice to see everyone dance together.” you toyed with your hands. “i’ll have to get a hat.”

madison grinned at your statement. “or you can just keep wearing mine.” she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the sight of you in her hat. her hat.

“right. it looks better on me anyways.” you joked, running your pointer finger and thumb along the brim. madison glanced over at you, letting her gaze linger.

“it looks better on you. but it also looks right.” she said. you didn’t exactly register what she meant by that, you just met her eyes but then let out a sly smile. using your pointer finger to push her jaw.

“eyes on the road, cowgirl.” you scolded her. she just laughed and turned to look at the road again.

as you pulled into your grandparents’ driveway, you leaned back in the passenger seat.

“thank you for tonight.” you hesitantly took the hat off your head and placed it back on madison’s. while you leaned over, you gave her a kiss on the cheek. “we’ll have to do that again.”

“we will, sweetheart.” she nodded in agreement. she couldn’t hide the smile forming or the red tint that started to cover her cheeks.

“and you promised to let me drive your truck next time so…” you said as you slowly opened the passenger door.

“hey! i didn’t promise anything.” she called after you as you hopped out.

you slowly started to close the door but your gut started to speak to you. you didn’t want the night to end— and it shouldn’t.

you poked your head back into the car. “madison.” you called her name to get her attention.

“mm?” she asked, leaning over to look at you better.

“wanna go for a ride?”

it was madison and her shit-eating grin against the world.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

madison drove you two to the barn. when she pulled travis out of his stable, you couldn’t help but find it adorable how the horse had so much of a liking for her, practically leaping in excitement.

when she placed his saddle on him, you noticed how strong she actually was. had that strength developed overtime? would you ever become that strong? you asked yourself these questions, never taking your eyes off her.

“c’mon then.” she said, making space for you to hop on.

you walked over to travis, placing your foot into the stirup just as madison taught you. she held your waist as you hoisted yourself up. you noticed how warm her hands were against your revealed skin, you found it comforting as the breeze hit. she hoisted herself up after you, but she sat behind you instead. her full body warmth made you settle in even further.

“not in front?” you asked, turning your head slightly to see her.

“nope, you’re leading on this one.” she shook her head.

“but… i don’t even know how to make him go.” you said, hesitantly holding onto the reigns.

“you snap the reigns just softly or else he’ll start running. and you nudge him a little with your foot. i usually click my tongue but that should be enough to get him going.” she said.

you followed her instructions, snapping the reigns. however, you think you overdid it as travis started to run instead.

“fuck!” you exclaimed, trying to get a better grip on the saddle as madison leaned over, holding your hands on the reigns. her hands covered yours as you felt her weight on your back. it was nice, comforting, your worry practically disappeared when she did that.

“that’s okay, you got him to go.” she whispered into your ear, slightly tugging on the reigns to slow him down. her voice sent shivers down your spine, the cold air made it worse.

you carefully led travis for just a few minutes around the farmland, stopping at the fenced off area and turning back around.

madison’s hands never left yours while you completed the ride. her warmth never left your back either, keeping you safe from the cold. she even moved your hair to the side so she could rest her chin on your shoulder, she chalked it up to being watchful as it was dark and you two might run into something.

she was totally lying.

as you both arrived back to the barn, she dismounted before you. you shifted your body and took your foot out of the stirup and hopped down, using madison’s shoulders for support.

the tension was incredibly hard to ignore at this point. you felt like you could cut it with only a butter knife. you felt your stomach do backflips whenever she’d say something to you. you were going soft for her— and not only that, you were weak for her. you had to do something or else you’d be left wondering forever.

“madison.” you said, calling after her.

“that’s me.” she snickered, looking over at you.

you were walking over to where she was standing, just outside travis’ stable. you stood nearly chest to chest with her.

“before we left, matt told me about the supertition about a cowboy— or cowgirl putting their hat on a woman’s head.” you cheekily smiled at her, teeth showing. she froze up, eyes widening. “and not only that but they told me what happens when a woman does the opposite.” you said, reaching up towards her hat and taking it off, putting it on your head.

she stared at you for a second, eyeing you up and down. she licked her lips slowly. the sight of you in that dress, wearing her hat. she hoped you wouldn’t find out about that but she should’ve known better since the triplets were around. it was all too much for her head to bear, she thought she was going to explode. you fit right into her entire livelihood, it turned her right on.

she stepped forward, her mind losing full control of her body. she captured your lips in a head-reeling kiss, nearly knocking her hat off your head. you wrapped your arms around her shoulders, butterflies immediately forming in your stomach as heat rushed to your core. she wrapped her arms around your waist, quickly pulling you in closer. her tongue swiped your bottom lip, you found yourself letting go, opening your mouth ever so slightly.

she slipped her tongue in your mouth, finding herself exploring it. you let out a soft whimper at the feeling. you started to feel yourself get pushed back gently, until your back hit a barrel of hay. she lifted you up on top of it, you slightly matched her height now. the hay was a tad bit scratchy but that was on you for making your move in a barn. she pulled away, you whined softly at the loss of her touch.

“the things you and your pretty little dress do to me, baby.” she said, reaching behind you to undo the bow that kept your dress up behind your neck. the top half of your dress fell down, revealing your chest. madison smirked. “and not even a bra? jesus, darlin’, what are you tryna do?” she asked, yanking you closer to her so she was directly in between your legs. she took one of your breasts into her mouth while the other hands started to ride up your thighs.

you let out a soft gasp at the sudden contact. she was sucking on your tit like she was a woman starved. your hand resting behind madison’s head started to grip onto her hair when she bit down on your nipple, coaxing a moan out of you. she was only working at your top half but you already started to see stars. she moved onto your other breast, stopping right before the nipple and started sucking on the soft skin around it.

she was marking you. marking her territory. you knew farmers were protective of their land, madison was just as protective over you. she wanted to stake her claim on you— her pretty little wild city girl that she wanted to tame.

while her mouth worked your top half, her hands were multitasking on your bottom half. they moved further up your thighs and her thumbs tucked themselves onto the loops of your underwear. she made contact with your other nipple as she pulled them down slowly, you pulled her head closer, wanting more. she felt some resistance from your panties and realised that when she took them off, the crotch part was dripping— it had stuck to you before she pulled them off.

“christ, baby. you’re already so wet. do i turn you on?” she smirked at you, holding your panties between her fingers and holding them up. you blushed and looked away from them, trying not to look so ashamed.

“baby.” she said, more firm this time. you hadn’t heard that tone from her before. her strict persona made you even wetter, you loved that she took control. “answer me.” she ordered.

“you turn me on.” you whispered, still not looking at her. she chucked your panties over somewhere, you were sure they landed on the work bench. she leaned closer again, placing soft kisses on your cheek as she pushed you onto your back. you saw her take off her flannel, leaving her in a gray tank top, she rolled her flannel up and put it under your head as a pillow. you made sure to keep her hat on while she did that.

she hiked your dress up, bunching it around your waist to reveal your bottom half. you watched her as she unbuckled her pants, lowering them ever so slightly and you caught sight of her underwear. she raised her tank top a bit, revealing her abdomen. you saw her put a hand down her pants as she kneeled down on the ground in front of the hay barrel.

she positioned your legs to have one be over her shoulders and the other was pushed back a bit more, spreading you open for her. she peppered kisses on your thighs, you felt yourself practically almost finish from just seeing her head between your thighs. your arousal was hard to miss, more wetness rushing down, practically dripping onto the hay.

she paused for a moment before licking a stripe up your core, you gasped and gripped onto her hair. your legs shook already with the contact.

“fuck! madison!” you exclaimed out of shock.

“my name sounds good on your lips, baby.” you felt that god forsaken grin form on her lips, you didn’t even have to see it.

without warning, her lips latched around your clit, her tongue circling it. your eyes squeezed shut, your heel digging into her back, emitting a groan from her that sent vibrations through your core. you watched as her arm started moving while she ate you out. she was touching herself to your noises, her fingers circling her own clit. she was so turned on by you that she couldn’t help herself.

you moaned loudly, finding it hard to hold back. she sucked harder on your clit, one of her fingers finding its way to your hole, simply teasing it.

“oh my god, don’t stop!” you said, gripping your own breast for support. your hips were rutting against her mouth, trying to push yourself closer to release. she stuck her tongue out and stopped its movements, letting you practically get yourself off on her mouth. she eventually shook her head, her tongue flicking your clit multiple times.

“doin’ so good, baby. riding my face. you just can’t help yourself, can you?” she quickly went back to latching her lips around your clit, her finger finding its way into your hole properly. she inserted her fingers into herself as well, wanting to be as one with you as possible, wanting to feel the same things you were feeling.

“fuck’s sake, mads!” you said as she pumped her finger in and out of you, mouth still working wonders. the nickname spurred her on, starting to bite down on your clit just a bit. “just like that! oh my god! just like that!” she curled her fingers inside of you, making your back arch as she hit that most sensitive spot of your body. she started letting out soft moans from her own self-pleasure, sending more shivers up your entire body.

you felt that knot build in your stomach, your legs started to shake as your grip on her hair got stronger. she knew you were close to finishing, and who was she to stop you?

“cum f’me, baby. you can do it.” she mumbled, loud enough for you to hear. “cum on my mouth.”

“mads! i’m cumming!” you said, releasing straight into her mouth. you heard her grunt softly, her movements stalling for only a split second as she lapped at your release like it was her last meal ever, holding your shaking legs in place as she did. you were so sensitive and this wasn’t making it any easier. “mmph, mads… sensitive.” you said but she didn’t pull away, she wanted every last drop of you.

you let out a relieved sigh as she pulled away. the arch of your back lowered as you were panting, still laying on this damned hay barrel. she stood up, taking in the sight of you. sprawled out in front of her with your tits out and legs still slightly open.

“my pretty girl… someone ‘oughta teach you that if you rile up a cowgirl, you’re gonna get your money’s worth.” she said, licking her fingers clean and wiping her glossy lips with the back of her hand.

you let out a breathless chuckle.

“oh… i think i learned that.” you laughed, sitting up from your position. while you did, you caught a wet spot on madison’s jeans, laughing to yourself.

“someone enjoyed herself too.” you said, trailing your finger down her abdomen and down to the wet spot. you felt her inhale sharply when you did.

“hmm… well, i had to take advantage of the sight in front of me. makes for wonderful jerk-off material.” she teased.

you shoved her backwards lightly, laughing at her joke. she leaned down to kiss you after stabilising herself. you tasted yourself on her.

you wanted more of her, you wanted all of her. all of her in her southern glory. and she wanted you just as bad.

“well then, pretty girl.” she said, tipping her hat down onto your face, covering your eyes. you whined and raised it back up. “if you do all your chorin’ well tomorrow, you might just get a prize.”

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

the next day, it was straight back to work for the two of you. you spent half the day shovelling dirt with a 6am start, then you and madison decided to start helping your grandfather out with fencing. he warned you to be careful as the fencing was delicate and could snap, it’s caused serious injury in the past. he tasked you and madison to work closely together to avoid that— not that you were complaining. you got your fair bit of teasing in.

when your grandfather wasn’t looking, you would turn around and run a hand down madison’s toned body. it caused her to shudder a few times. you even sneaked in a little neck kiss, causing her to turn you around and force you back to working.

it made your head reel whenever she would take control of you, finding it harder and harder to resist her.

you complained and complained. you talked about how hot it was, how dirty it was getting. you could feel madison shoot you a dirty look but you couldn’t help but make several comments about the state of the farm. you knew you were in for it when madison pulled you into a forceful kiss, shoving you backwards to shut you up. you never said a word after that.

after a long day, you both were covered in dirt. your grandfather said he could drive you back but madison cut him off, making a fake excuse how you wanted to see the animals. you had no idea what she was up to.

when you both arrived at the barn, you waltzed right in, walking over to travis and petting his head while only giving stanley a short wave. you walked over to the sheep, peeking into their pen.

“their coats are getting larger, pop says it’ll be time to sheer them soon. i wanna see what they look like without all their hair.” you said, distracted while madison was checking on stanley.

“they look like freshly peeled potatoes.” she chuckled. “you’ll be the one sheering them, y’know?” she patted stanley’s back. “your grandfather told me yesterday how he can’t wait to teach you.”

“i find myself learning a lot nowadays…” you sighed a bit. “doesn’t seem like there’s any time for a break.”

“no… the farm is harsh.” she shook her head, walking back over to you. “it’s always needing something. but that’s nature. nature needs humans just as much as humans need nature.” she said, reaching down to hold your hands and pulling you to where the workbench was.

“wow… who knew you were such a poet, mads?” you giggled at her, following where she led you.

“you seem to inspire me, baby.” she moved to sit down on the bench, pulling you closer. she kissed down your chest as she lowered herself down. she undid the flannel that you had tied up to keep it from flying everywhere while you guys worked.

“mads… what’re you doing?” you whined, running your hands through the hair that was hanging out of her hat.

“remember when i said you’d get a reward for working hard today?” she asked, untucking your top from the denim shorts you were wearing. “i intend to keep my word.” she mumbled while kissing your stomach.

“oh? is this your idea of a reward?” you asked, heat rushing straight down to your core when she left kisses on you.

“mmhm… you were being a brat today, you should be thankful i’m still giving it to you.” she said, muffled. she pulled away suddenly and you watched her with curious eyes.

“do you know that saying about saving a horse?” she asked, unbucking her belt and unbuttoning her own jeans. she raised her eyebrows at you as she lowered them down, revealing a purple and pink strap on. your eyes widened at the sight of her leaning back, her strap on full display for you. “ride a cowboy— cowgirl, in our case.” she said, a smirk on her face.

“mads… i don’t think i can take it all.” you said, playing with your hands.

“you can, darlin’. i know you can. but you’ll have to get it lubed up first.” she eyed you up and down, her pointer finger pointing to the ground. “get on your knees and suck my cock, baby.” she said, a hint of dominance in her eyes. you loved how comfortable she was with ordering you around. it made you feel less weak, less like you were fragile.

you obeyed, getting on your knees and looking up at madison through your lashes. she bit her lip looking at you, feeling her own arousal as she saw you on the ground. you took her cock in your mouth and started bobbing your head, your hands wrapping around the base. she groaned softly, the sight of you had her wishing that it was her actual cock. she loved seeing you submissive for her after you were being a brat today.

she leaned her head backwards, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. she looked back up and made direct eye contact with you.

“fuck… darlin’, you look so fucking good on your knees for me, using that pretty little mouth of yours.” she said, leaning her head back again but not too far, making sure her hat stayed on. “that’s it baby, get it nice and wet for your pretty pussy.”

you loved the way she talked to you. the words were filthy but you couldn’t help but notice that she used ‘pretty’ to describe you. it made you feel good about yourself, like you were doing something right.

you felt her hips start to move slightly, thrusting upwards into your mouth. it hit the back of your throat and you gagged softly, pulling away and coughing.

“sorry baby, was that too much for you? i just couldn’t help myself. i wanted to be as far in you as possible.” she said, leaning forward to grab your arms and pull you up. she helped you take off your shorts and pulled the back of your thighs forward until you were kneeling on the bench, straddling her. “let me make it up to you.”

she put two fingers in between your thighs, the pad of her middle finger circling your clit. you felt youself get unstable for a second, the sudden contact making you already weak.

“does that feel good, baby?” she cooed at you, looking up at you with a grin on her face. you nodded in response. “yeah, i bet it does.” she said, a cocky tone in her voice. her fingers moved away from your clit, mocking up and down your slit. “so wet.”

“mads, please.” you whimpered, your hands holding onto her shoulders.

“okay, okay. you’re right. what princess wants, princess gets. and i have to stretch you out a bit anyway.” she said, slipping two fingers into you. you gasped softly. you felt madison press kisses into your chest, her other hand pulling your shirt down to release one of your breasts, taking it into her mouth. she only pumped her fingers in and out a few times before pulling them away.

she scooted around a bit until her strap was aligned with your hole. “ready, baby?” she asked, gently running her hands up and down your waist. you nodded, your bottom lip in between your teeth. “okay.” she muttered.

she pulled your hips down slowly, watching you swallow her cock whole. “fuck!” you cried out in pain at first, never having experienced anything as big as this. you just sat down on madison’s lap until you adjusted to her size, your face buried in her neck as you tried to catch your breath. when she felt you loosen up a bit, she lifted you slowly, pulling you straight back down. the cry of pain turned into a cry of pleasure.

she pulled away slowly, trying to see your face. “you can do it baby, ride my cock. ride my cock like a good girl.” she said. you sat straight back up and started to bounce on her cock, your hands still on her shoulders as your eyes fluttered shut.

“madison, it feels so fucking good.” you said, moans leaving your mouth every single time you sank back down, taking it whole. you started to arch your back into her, wanting more stimulation. she caught the memo placing both her hands on your back and pulling you down even harder. she started to kneed one of your breasts with her hand.

“look at you. riding me like a real cowgirl. you’re so fucking sexy.” she said, you could practically hear the grin on her face. “you’re not so tough now when my cock is in you, huh?” you shook your head, holding back a whimper as she took your nipple between her fingers, toying with it.

“want you to fuck me harder.” you muttered. “i want more of you.”

she started to buck her hips up, the noises of your skin smacking against each other filling the barn. she started to grunt softly as well, her head leaning down on your shoulder. with the remaining strength you had left, you picked up her hat off her head and placed it on yours.

she couldn’t help but pull away again, just to look at you wearing her hat, riding her cock. the state of you was enough to make her cum right on the spot.

“you look so good in my hat, doll.” she said, keeping her pace of bucking her hips. “lookin’ like a real cowgirl.”

you started to feel that tension build up in your belly again. you were starting to get close to sweet, sweet relief.

“mmph, getting close.” you said, beads of sweat starting to form on your forehead. your pace was starting to get sloppy, your thighs trembling with each descent onto madison’s cock.

“yeah?” she asked, one of her hands moving to rub your clit at a quick pace. “that’s it, cum for me baby. cum on my fucking cock. you know you want to.” she coaxed it out of you. “good girls cum.” she said.

with that, you completely came undone in front of her, that knot in your belly snapping as you came down hard. you leaned forward, face tucking into madison’s neck as the two of you panted, practically in sync. your eyes opened again after being squeezed shut. you saw stars as they opened back up, pulling away from madison’s neck to kiss her.

“we need to get you a hat of your own soon, sweetheart. you look too damn good in that.” madison chuckled through pants.

“i like wearing yours though.” you whispered, still trying to catch your breath.

“yeah? i like you wearing mine too.” she smiled at you, pushing the wet strands of hair that stuck to your neck back so she could place soft kisses down.

she slowly helped you stand back up, pulling her pants up and pushing the strap back into her underwear.

“that horse better be feeling really saved right now.” you giggled.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

madison drove you back to your grandparents’ place. she walked you to the front door where your grandparents were sitting on the porch swing to your right.

you were still reeling from your earlier orgasm that you didn’t see them right away, stumbling as you made it to the last step.

“oh! careful darling! are you alright?” your grandma asked.

“yeah! just a bit sore from today.” you quickly defended yourself while madison stood behind you holding a laugh. she decided to chime in too.

“yeah! with those legs, she’ll be a cowgirl in no time!”

[see-arcane]

With Jekyll, it was a thing of vital instinct. He had now seen the full deformity of that creature that shared with him some of the phenomena of consciousness, and was co-heir with him to death: and beyond these links of community, which in themselves made the most poignant part of his distress, he thought of Hyde, for all his energy of life, as of something not only hellish but inorganic. [...] I, who sicken and freeze at the mere thought of him, when I recall the abjection and passion of this attachment, and when I know how he fears my power to cut him off by suicide, I find it in my heart to pity him. [...] Nor must I delay too long to bring my writing to an end; for if my narrative has hitherto escaped destruction, it has been by a combination of great prudence and great good luck. Should the throes of change take me in the act of writing it, Hyde will tear it in pieces; but if some time shall have elapsed after I have laid it by, his wonderful selfishness and circumscription to the moment will probably save it once again from the action of his ape-like spite. [...] Will Hyde die upon the scaffold? or will he find courage to release himself at the last moment?

All of this comes together to provide the most interesting part of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The battle between perceptions of just who and what Edward Hyde is.

Is he solely the primordial selfishly reckless id of an otherwise upstanding and deeply repressed man? If so, Jekyll's constant attempts at disconnection must be read as a sinner attempting to paint the self he becomes while intoxicated as another awful entity, a thing that delighted in cruelty while it could be gotten away with and is now an excuse to point fingers at the mirror or the Devil to keep Jekyll's own hands clean, if only in his mind.

Is Edward Hyde simply Henry Jekyll as he might have been in another life? One sans repression but still loaded with Jekyll's intelligence and most basic wants. If so, then he is not an impulse given flesh, but a doppelganger in all but appearance. The Self, made Other. He is not an imbecile or an inorganic flaw, just Jekyll himself pulled through a sieve until only the untethered Wants and Hates remain.

What if Edward Hyde began as inorganic, as no more than a bleak reflection of Jekyll, but eventually coalesced into an entirely separate thinking identity? A new soul that budded from the original like a branch? A mind-son or a conjoined twin revealed decades too late. If this is the case, only then might half of Jekyll's excuses and reasonings hold water--but only half.

Because Jekyll himself either cannot grasp or refuses to fully accept all of what Edward Hyde is. The amount of contradiction in Hyde's actions and Jekyll's attempts at defining him go in too many directions. He's a clump of wicked and delightful impulse who wears Jekyll as a costume. He's artificial. He's real. He's an it. He's a he. He is Jekyll. He is himself.

Even at the end, Jekyll fumbles with his initial estimate of Hyde's state. A coward who hides in him and the lab to avoid the death penalty! Yet in the last lines he admits to the possibility that Hyde will decide to end himself rather than risk further pursuit or a trip to the gallows.

He claims to fear Hyde ripping up the letter in a fury, assuming the document would only be spared because of Hyde's feverish focus on the moment-at-hand. But there was no doubt time to destroy it before chugging the poison. Hyde could have done both. He didn't. Implying the little imp of impulse felt no desire to.

Think back on Hyde's last moments alive. Right before the door was broken down. Pure despondency. Pure wretchedness. Pure grief.

“Utterson,” said the voice, “for God’s sake, have mercy!”

The far end of a fretting frantic animal of a man, trying desperately to save himself. Well, selves. There is no safety for Hyde without them both. ...But also no freedom. To save the beloved man who is the bandit's cave also means retreating into that cave permanently.

And if Edward Hyde is his own man? If Hyde is a man at all, whose core is impulse itself? Imagine the hell of such a life. A sentient tumor. Forever.

Of course he chose oblivion. But to do that last courtesy--to not spoil or destroy Jekyll's parting words to his friend--I have to wonder what it means.

Did it simply slip his attention as Jekyll assumed?

Did he relish in a last mote of bitter joy at the reputation due to be ruined by its reading?

Or was the impulse in him not all unvarnished evil after all? A callous, a brutal, a vicious character; but even the sinner cannot hold to sin as a constant. No villain genuinely dedicates every second of their life to committing cruelty outside of a comedy. Hyde didn't either. He was only ever impulse in its entirety; blunt and greedy as a brattish child. And the stamp of it was obvious! Enough to inspire hate at a glance. Just as we can sneer at strangers in the news when we know what loathsome acts they've been up to, inflicting pain on others for their own gain.

But they too are human.

In the end, I think Jekyll was happier going to his end without admitting Hyde was as much a human soul as he was.

And he left the letter untouched to make sure Utterson knew it.

[moonrisecoeur]

i have been. debating sending this bc i know i am cringe. op i am so sorry feel free to ignore and delete bc this is just actual pure filth lmfaooo

op i literally think about pegging leon 24/7 its a full time JOB inside my brain i need to peg that man so fucking Bad its not even funny. i know hes so fucking Noisy. i wanna make him beg for my strap, i wanna fucking edge him until hes begging and crying to be fucking ruined. i wanna pretty him up, put eyeliner on him so i can make it run down his face from fucking him so hard. i wanna mark up his neck and pull his hair while i pulverize him. i wanna tell him hes taking it so well and how hes such a good boy, how pretty he looks bent over for me while i fuck his cute ass. i want him to hug me while i praise him bc hes so overwhelmed. tell him how hot it is hearing him moan and whine, encourage him to make as much noise as he wants, itd be cute to watch him try to not pillow bite because hes trying sooo hard to do what you want like a good boy. i want him to be borderline Incomprehensible, voice shaking and cracking as he tells me how much he loves me, how much he loves the way i make him feel. i wanna make him cum untouched. i wanna overstimulate him. i wanna grope his fat tits and milk his dick. i wanna make him watch himself getting fucked. put him in a collar, lingerie, fuck anything-hed be gorgeous no matter what he wears. shower him in kisses and affection and make him feel the most loved he has in his entire LIFE while short circuiting his brain n marking him with bites and bruises for everyone to see.

re2 leon is my fave man he has my heart and god id love to just take care of him. after a long shift i wanna slam him against the door and fuck him while hes still in uniform. make him feel so good. such a whiny cutie. cuff him up and bite his freckles while i fuck him late into the night, clean him up and cuddle him after, make him breakfast in the morning n give him kisses.

re4/re6/older leon is a subby bitch too. just as god damn fine and id do oh so horrific things to him. hed love it so much, not having to think, make decisions, take charge. just let me whatever i want to him. hed get off so hard being under you and told how fucking good, pretty, perfect he is. he needs your approval so fucking bad-its all that poor man wants, god he needs it so BAD. he needs to feel safe and loved and wanted, like this is Critical. id make SURE i fuck him so good he cant even think about his insecurities or problems. and dear fucking lord do not get me started on that slutty waist and button down of his in re6. he's keeping the gloves on while i press his hands into the mattress and bite his arms.

its so fucking funny bc i hc leon as a switch BUT GODDDDD SUBBY LEON MAKES ME FUCKING FOAM AT THE MOUTH LIKE A RABID, FERAL ANIMAL

its not a want it is a NEED

I NEED THIS MAN UNDER ME I NEED TO REARRANGE HIS GUTS !!!!!!!!!!!!

guhhh last anon again but now i really cant stop thinkin about sub leon. legit i have so much more to say i just love him so much. theres so much. More. i wanna say but lord. im trying so hard to be normal man 😭😭

first off. hi. hope u had a yummy thanksgiving if u celebrate it and if not i also hope ur having a good day !!

ALSO WTF WHY WOULD I DELETE THIS i literally woke up this morning and checked my tumblr notifs as one does and i literally see this behemoth of an ask and im reading through and im literally screaming bc why is this my internal monologue. like. did u get inside my head or something??? did u steal this from my brain bc i literally think about this approximately 1000 times a day.

i’ll literally be at work and my thoughts be like ughhh i wanna hurt him and make him cry but also want to love him and take care of him but also want to fuck him so so slow and deep i can feel it moving around if i put on hand on his abdomen and then i just spiral and then i remember im making a fuckin caramel macchiato or something >.<

so!! in spirit of our delusion i’m planning to write smthin for u based off of this vibe!! just give me a lil bit 👉👈

BUT TELL ME EVERYTHING TELL ME ALL UR THOUGHTS I WANT TO HEAR THEM ALL I WANT TO KNOWWWW ‘i have so much more to say’ okay prove it. tell me everything

[acti-veg]

hey acti, i hate to be a downer when we're already fighting an uphill battle, but i guess i just wanted a fellow vegan to hear this :/

i dated someone this past year, and he knew i was vegan from the start, even when we were just friends, and it was never a problem; he surprised me with a vegan meal prep made with beyond meat once, would clean the grilling utensils when he was making animal-based burgers and I was having a plant-based one, and even, when we went out to eat and they got my order wrong and served me something with meat, put his hand on mine and said he knew i was frustrated and was sorry. fast forward five months and after we'd had a conversation where i told him in a hypothetical completely vegan world, we wouldn't be farming animals for agriculture so livestock animals like cows would sort of go extinct (which started with another hypothetical where i would either have to be super sick for a month or eat a piece of steak and be instantly cured, to which i answered id be sick for the month), he decided i was "radical" and we weren't compatible because he "didn't want his kids to be exposed to veganism". i'd even told him i would compromise (because ive always wanted to raise my kids vegan) in that when i would cook, the food would be vegan, and when he would cook, it wouldnt, and that wasnt good enough. there were other issues and red flags not related to veganism (though he was always making "joking" comments about how he'd "break me of veganism" by cooking a really good steak and convincing me to eat it), but it just really sucks! like vegans are the ones who get the bad wrap as supposedly being "extreme" - i shouldve been the one upset and bothered according to their stereoptypes for us, but it was him! carnists are just so close-minded and hypocritical its really unbelievable.

i really thought it could work if we just respected each other, but he, like most everyone, wasnt interested in genuine conversations or respect. and its so depressing because now i fear every other relationship i enter with a nonvegan will end the same! how can having compassion and respect for nonhuman animals make us so wrong in their eyes? i know it would probably be smarter to only date other vegans but i couldnt help falling in love with him. and the vegan dating pool is so small and spread out, and i dont live in a big, progressive city! im sorry to complain so much, its just a really exhausting reality.

thanks for listening <3

I’m sorry that it ended this way anon, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot with this one.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think that this sort of situation, as awful as it is, is anything inherent in being vegan. You had fundamentally opposing worldviews, relationships between people like that can last and be good for a while, but there will always come an issue that they’ll be split on and can’t compromise. He was unfair and handled it poorly, but even had he been more patient with you and more honest, it sounds like you just weren’t right for one another.

Not every non-vegan sees us this way, and plenty of people do navigate successful relationships with non-vegans. They can’t be anti-vegan though is the issue, and from what you’ve described here, it sounds like that is very much what he was. He would need to have at least been sympathetic to veganism and have a positive outlook on animal rights in general. He’d also need to have known what your intentions would be with any children, though it’s admittedly tricky to know when to bring that up.

Dating another vegan would of course be ideal, but someone who respects you and what you believe in, and crucially is honest about that, is all you really need. Everything else can be subject to compromise, but it sounds like that key thing was what was missing from this. It sucks that you had to find out a year in, but at least you know now before it went any further.

Best of luck in the new year anon, I hope you find better things, whether that’s happiness in your own company or with someone new. Take care!

[kozykricket]

a tale of two minecrafts (of which i love)

(nonetheless there are two) (and i dont mean bedrock and java, or vanilla and modded) (two ideas of what constitutes the identity of the game)

i will move forward as minecraft moves forward. but its a bit of a bummer, to think of. sometimes thats what ill say for now. ominously. ill make a post about this whole schtuff later perhaps. either way todays snapshot is amazing and god im i am indeed loving the future of minecraft with these minor-yet-major updates. it just happened to do something that reminded me of what the devs prioritize as being minecrafty. that being.. Not Jank

end of the day i know that i love mc tho. both potential directions to take mc. i aint gonna try and tell people that they shouldnt enjoy where the games going :p it'd be such a dumb Boomer thing to do to be like waahh back in my day XYZ, which was Definitely 100% Better !!

tldr ill say for now is that i'd group together the old bundle controls with old rigid mob animations and with lack of keepinventory and that id group together the really nice to use bundle controls and the really nice mob animations and all that game design with... well. i suppose its just more friendly, intentional, and clean as opposed to janky, aesthetics and gameplay decisions. yknow? theres certain new-aesthetic things i love, like the new music. but i also wont deny that it definitely feels like it groups well with the new mob animations that are livelier. aka its , definitely mojangs vision, to make minecraft more of a Polished feeling game. intentionally relaxing music, intentionally designed dungeons, and . clear advancements that tell you what content they're proud of

if anyone is CURIOUS about what the hell i mean then like. yeah ill make a post talking more about this but ill just clarify that my ultimate goal is to remember to not be a grumpy boomer about anything about minecrafts new direction. which isnt hard. because its easy to love. like the sniffers animations. they DO have so much personality, they're really amazing. even if i think that isnt where i'd have taken minecraft personally its where its going and... sure! itll grow and change. just. wish mojang would at least acknowledge they're cleaning up the games image to be less jank lol

I shan't let it bring me grumpiness. rather i will learn to love the growth, and move forward with the game. pushing against it would be a lot more of a mental toll, and generally less whimsical!

but we'll all find our moments with any game that gets continually updated, where we feel out of touch with it. at those moments, is when we shall remember... yeah, okay. not for me, but probably good for the game itself actually having a future. (and again this. really isnt over todays snapshot, it was just moreso brought to my mind as something i had wanted to post about)

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Tagged by: @thevoiceofthanatos​

Favorite color: warm bright yellow, mustard yellow & old gold, and just yellow in general. its a good colour. it makes me happy

Currently reading: idk, probably star trek fanfic my friend @rubbertplant​ was writing to give my opinion on it. i often read through my own stuff too lol, like whoah i wrote that??? ADHD has taken everything from me including my capability to read though, for real. ive been thinking of trying to listen to some audiobooks recently though, this cannot continue... its just that i also have no ears disease so idk how well that would go. determined to try though

Last song you listened to: havent been listening to music so much bc ive been playing videos instead but my last.fm has all my spotify listens so itll stay up to date on whatever i listened to last. currently seems to be “please play-bite” by pinocchioP. i often just let spotify play me whatever it recommends anyhow so theres variance. and i only started this account like a few months ago max so its not really a full picture of my music-listening

Last movie (in theaters): its not really a movie, but if it counts, the first ginga nagareboshi gin stageplay (recorded and released in finland in theaters with subs)

ginga was always huge in finland for some reason. idk. the anime is so violent though that i got really afraid of bears for some reason. theres so much blood... i never read the manga either i just knew of the anime and partook in my share of wolf roleplays (dogs were uncool! so i didnt do dog roleplays. iirc that really was my reason).

heres some funny wolves from my wolf rp days

2010. one of the first things i coloured digitally... i painstakingly cleaned the scanned pencil lineart with a mouse

2011. i had gotten my first drawing tablet as a birthday/xmas gift and practiced a ton around this time (more than just wolves lol)

Last series I watched: trigun stampede. even changed my phone bg into vash... but millions knives is probably my favourite. he just does everything wrong and makes his life worse. and everyone elses life too bc he sucks. but hes multifaceted so hes also my meow meow and whatever. i hope a ford explorer drives over him

if it counts though, ive seen some star trek TOS episodes and movies because my friends have been watching them. im not super into it but its always fun to hang. i also dont watch a lot of stuff. i dont even know what i do. guy who doesnt read or watch things but listens to jerma videos on youtube without actually looking at them while i “draw” and “write”

Craving: food honestly. i should cook something lmfao. i also want soda so bad but i dont have any. id make some tea but its disgustingly warm in my house so i only want cool drinks. could kill for a nice milkshake or a smoothie rn i think

Tea or coffee: tea... im the only finnish person who doesnt drink coffee for real. also got really into loose leaf tea bc i befriended a chinese lady who is really into tea and has a tea shop in the city near where i live

Currently working on: drawing this and trying to think how i want to do it. somehow want to incorporate flat colours and maybe shade his body naturally, and make the blood look realistic instead of flat colours... hmm not sure yet what i want to do

other than that im trying to proofread the chapter of my ryanyuri fanfic i already published because theres a lot of typos and strange sentences in there but its been a chore bc my body breaks down when it gets too warm smfh... not looking forward to when my apt goes over 30 degrees celsius it is unlivable. im also trying to complete a “lookbook” of my tnb sims. but i always start huge projects that take three million years to complete and im really slow lmfao

Tag people you’d like to get to know better: i could just ask these questions from everyone i talk on discord with. fuck my friends i know irl or otherwise, only asking people who r my friends through tumblr. no need to do this though. also this isnt probably meant to be answered so long-windedly... thats just me. i cant answer with one word i gotta write an essay. heres three tags though @basslinegrave​ @vita-divata​

(record scratch before 3rd tag) and @rubbertplant​ bc they were streaming a game in discord when i started typing this and i was like hey wanna do it and they were like yeah

i expect replies on my desk by 5pm TOMORROW!!!!get to work!!!! no i jest, do it or dont, i dont mind either way, just if you feel like doing this. if you see this and want to do it feel free to consider yourself tagged. godspeed

[rakka-kasahara]

2025-04-14

Dream:

I had quite a few, one of which was really long. However, I forgot quite a bit of some of the dreams.

The first dream I remember was by far the longest, but I don't remember much. I think there was something about bunnies? Like, we were stealing bunnies, or I was a bunny girl? My family was there. There was a bit in a mall type area, but the latter part of the dream was in a dark house. I think we were in hiding. I opened a door, and my Brother A was in there sleeping, maybe?

In the second dream, I was in a massive mansion. This was supposedly my Grandma M's house. Despite that, there were bathrooms for men and women on the various floors. My Grandma said that she had blocked off a few of the bathrooms because it takes too much time keep them all clean. I climbed up some stairs. I am in a massive entryway that has to be four or more stories tall. I am on a walkway stretching over the room with my Grandma. There are a couple of chandeliers, and one is kind of swinging. I grab a rope on it and try to steady it, but it just makes the swinging worse! My Grandma says that you have to just let it stop on its own, so I let go of the rope.

In the third dream, I was with Brother N. We were back home and around the north end of town. We arrived at this sort of trailer home. It had a lot of junk around it. I think we were there to check it out for renting or because the owner had something we wanted to buy? The owner comes out and is an older woman. She says something about how she doesn't want to sell the item yet for some reason.

There was a short dream where the only thing I remember was visiting a school and needing to scan in.

I was drifting in and out of sleep as swaddled in a three massive blankets, so I had a few really short dreams. I was watching an anime with all these girls. There was something about flying. Anyways, the main girl ended up dying and getting replaced by some random dude! I was not happy.

The final bit was on some train tracks. I was on the tracks on a sort of switch yard. A train was barreling to me, and it hits me! But, it was actually a model train, so I was okay.

Analysis:

It is always hard to pinpoint things when I don't remember much, but I think the first one was due to me doing some re arranging of my video games yesterday. I have a huge copy of Ribi Rabi, which has bunny girls! So, that may have worked its way in. I also watched an ASMR from a bunny Vtuber that was nice.

The building in this second dream was likely more based of off the oldest building back on my college than anything else. The bathrooms were in the basement of that building, and there was a part of the dream where I was looking down the stairs to the basement. Not sure of the chandelier.

No clue with this third one, though I will need to renew my lease soon.

I have to badge into work, and they had ID scanners at college, and they had these scanners at the schools back home, so whatever this one was about makes sense.

Fort this fifth one, I watched the first couple episodes of Momentary Lily a few months ago. Didn't want to continue with it, but a girl died pretty badly in the second episode. They were also flying and such.

No idea, except that I watched a video talking about Beast Games. There was a challenge in there apparently dealing with a train, so maybe that was it?

[thesugarhole]

Was there a specific reason you went with the manga (of made in abyss) instead of the anime? The anime vastly tones down that content you find unnecessary and also has a more engaging storytelling order that immediately draws viewers in (other order changes throughout the story beyond just the beginning help to make later parts more engaging too) as well as fleshing out some parts that were skipped in the manga like Layer 3, and the soundtrack is one of the best in all of anime. It’s the superior version of the story to first experience imo especially if one dislikes the lolisho panels. You can still switch now if you want, it sounds like you’re near the point of the end of season one (which is followed by a movie called Dawn of the deep soul and then season two.)

there is, actually! but its not related to abyss, at least not initially.

im simply not an anime fan. i tried my best, but ive found the more chances i gave to different animes the more fed up i got with watching them all together. as much as i enjoy watching the little gifsets showing how good some styles of animation have gotten, to this day it hasnt been enough to make me metaphorically get up my ass and go watch them.

my main reason to go with manga is that i can set my own pace; im not gonna get bored with my own reading speed. thats literally it. i definitely dont feel like im wasting my time the same way i feel when i watch(ed) anime.

I had Made in Abyss bookmarked for reading before the anime even came out, im just trying to clear out my likes. i also didnt know anything about the anime when i started reading a couple nights ago, other than it exists. maybe if i had started reading the story knowing that its not that well executed and the anime does it better (really! beyond the summary and the skeevy reputation, i had no idea about anything! ive been kept relatively spoiler free) id probably have gone in with subdued interest and with a more 'lets see what this is all about and how the anime makes it better'

but as is... the story didnt have a bad start, dont get me wrong. i guess its the necessary slice of life set up. and as i said, my interest peaked a bit when they actually started going down the abyss... but i still dont find it to be interesting enough that itll make me move to the anime to see it get told better and with less bullshit. for example, you can tell me the elevator scene / prushkas death is more impactful in the anime (took this from reviews ive been reading) and ill be like awesome, i believe you. im glad the fans are getting something excellent out of this. but im still not moved to go watch the whole thing- i have no curiosity over seeing it improved.

as i said in my last post, im finishing it because it would be a shame to stop midway and not get answers- i dont dislike it THAT much that i would just give up. at the same time, i dont like it enough to give it a second chance, much less in a medium that i can barely pay attention to, currently. the lolishota was half the focus of my last post, but the overall thing with me is that even if it was squeaky clean of it, im just not that invested.

maybe in the future, if i have an abyss anime enthusiast friend that can hold me accountable by watching them with me. right now though, im reduced to having a stick up my ass due to disappointment and if i force myself to watch the anime right after ill just be bitter about, well. watching it, and end up hating it for no fault of its own. not too dissimilar to the way i forced myself to read dunmeshi at a time where i really didnt want to, making me dislike the experience and the story itself being collateral. BECAUSE i believe you that the anime experience is superior, i dont want to ruin it by immediately jumping to something thats not going to have my heart in it, you know?

[samalong2]

Capture the flag

Camp wasn't so bad in arts and crafts. I was working on a vase, I struggled with archery but I excelled at close combat, except swimming and canoes but I'm not going into that.

the package with my stuff were finally sent and I finally had some better fitting clothes, she smuggled in snacks which wasn't allowed but by the yelling at a god and probably demanding and getting child support so I'm sure sneaking in a six pack of Mr pibb and some tootsie pops wasn't a problem. she also packed my old stuffed animal. A leopard I named Hissy it was well worn especially on the bottom where the spots faded from child me dragging it on a makeshift “leash” of an old shoelace and saying I was taking my cat on a walk and it’s tail gross from me chewing on it in frustration when learning to read. The poor thing didn't deserve to have to deal with the chaotic menace I was as a small child. He's probably relieved I outgrew him. But I didn't want to just shove him back in the box so I placed him next to my half brother’s hydra plush on the top bunk he used to store things.

As winter approached activities slowed down in order to save on funds due to the strawberries being unable to grow despite divine nature and the fact it was so damn cold.

“I promise you'll get used to it, look at the bright side it’s your first snow” was all Will had to say as he watched Me shiver during dinner, I was used to far south Texan winter the closest we got to snow was a layer of frost that closed everything down. The snow that the camp allowed in was minimal but still I wasn't used to it the few bucks my mom sent me and camp sure credits I won from some contests in arts and craft went to multiple sweaters and a coat. The warmest one had some lame line poorly printed on saying ‘being a half blood isn't half bad’.

Leo soon joined in draping his jacket over me “on the bright side we don't have canoe racing so no more fighting and then scooping the stables youll smell a lot better” he snickered. I hated water swimming was unnatural and dumb everyday. I refused to swim and then they'd go ‘oh you have to’ and it'd go back and fourth till I got sent to clean the stables as punishment. I preferred it that way. I got it done faster than most did so I pretended I was still busy and braided the pegasi hair to what seemed like their delight from giddying and snorts when I pulled out hair bands or id just before looking at magazines.

Still I gently smacked his back with a glare. I smelt fine! “shuddup” I sneered as they both laughed.

“Don't worry you smell sorta fine like a freshly washed horse” Will chuckled Ruffling my hair to my frustration.

I huffed free time would be Over soon, and capture the flag wasn't as fun when everything's wet and cold . As we sat there I overheard some of the harpies in their ear scratching voice about some summer thing, I relished at the thought of things warming up in summer, new york summer must be amazing and I could finally meet my godly half brothers I never thought I’d dislike having a space to myself so much.

But I Made a mental note that something fun is possibly happening in summer it made me bite my lip in excitement. Before I could tell the others the conch horn for capture the flag echoed throughout the camp getting everyone’s attention.

As everyone rushed to the woods excited for the game or rushing to get it over with all crowding the woods entrance gearing up, I was off sorta on my own trying to remember how to tie the combat breastplate and making sure I got the right size from the armoury this time. By the time we found out which cabins were leading the leather straps were knotted several times over in some ball-like shape.

The Demeter cabin was selected for the blue team and Ares red. The flowery hippies vs the kids who'd burn said flowers for the sake of it probably, not that the Demeter cabin were weak they were like their mom peaceful but can flip on a dime with enough reason they also didn't like being underestimated or made fun of which the ares kid excelled at.

The tension was mild but I saw the spite the Demeter kids have for the cabin picking.

Mine and the Apollo cabins were quickly picked by them while Hermes and Hephestus went to red making our social circle two v one or dogpiling on Leo if will wanted to be fun for once.

The rest of the choosing went quick and was pretty boring but the planning was also boring but it was basically two stay to guard while the plant kids tried to strangle or disarm the other side while the rest try to sneak the flag while red was distracted by all the plants holding them upside down or something

I was chosen to guard I wasn't the best at it, but I was even worse at sneaking according to them and I haven't figured out how to suddenly just sprout plants yet its supposed to come naturally and it better cause its taking forever and it sucks feeling left out which I was also feeling as I was told to just stay guard and then everyone left, I couldn't even see the other poor sop standing guard.

Climbing the tree was my bright idea. It would let me relax without constantly worrying about being snuck Upon. I wasn't the best at archery but my Spear throwing was accurate enough that I could at least distract any Campers enough to jump down to tackle them.

I kept a close eye but prepared to wait as the other kid on my team guarded the ground below in some far away area. Waiting and observing any camper I could see, they wandered around Trying to find their way to the other side or finding the perfect spots for plant traps.

Fuck the ares kids were set on winning It felt like they were shaking the very ground or maybe it was the Demeter kids summoning trees maybe, either way I could hear and see slight chaos as a few kids from the red team shouted and yelled to be released from vines tangling their legs together or yelling for their teammates to chop them out followed by the betrayal as the ares kids told them to get themselves out so the rest can focus in finding the flag.

As I heard the plant kids war cry my nose was hit with a scent of rot all of the trapped kids were able to kick any plantation off with ease. I was gawking at the scene, watching the divine magical plants the only living ones in this winter rot. I was snapped out by the creaking and peered down to see Leo in the middle of climbing trying to disarm me before this mess happened but now he seemed just as confused.

I looked at his goofy awkward smile as he climbed up to where I was nestled “ey! Do you know whats going on everything is dying!” was all leo had to say or yell as the winds muffled him.

“It should be nothing just winter crap!” I shouted back through the harsh winds

He could only shrug as clueless as I am we only watched the halt before a voice was heard. “all campers are required to play we will not halt over some defect plants”. By the tired and ignorant voice I knew it was Mr. D.

The other side was quick to start again as mine was still shocked. Me and Leo looked at each other before silently climbing down without a word or any words too quiet to hear.

The my team was running around not sure what to do as their plan completely flopped. “Campers forward full force!” Was all I heard as the other side quickly rushed forward all of them to take advantage. I clamped my eyes shut and just swung my spear as I heard shouting along with accusations of cheating.

“Back off!” I yelled as I was shoved to the ground. They didn't notice or probably care as I was stomped on in a frenzy to get such a easy win, the surge of adrenaline was intense as i turned to my side covering my ears everything was too much and soon I couldn't help but pass out.

[whispersxwhimpers]

I'm doing my best to take care of myself. 💕 thank you sweetheart.

It's definitely not fun to be woke up by a kindle to the face. You're so sweet for wanting to make sure that doesn't happen.

I'm already on my knees, miss. Hands behind my back. Head down. Collar on. Ready to serve you any way you see fit.

Awww. Changing therapists is so stressful. I hope you know that even if you don't love the new one, it's okay to keep searching for someone who works for you. It took me a while to learn that lesson. So don't feel bad if you feel like the new person isn't the therapist for you.

Wednesday is officially haircut day 🥰 can't wait. And now I'm picturing you fingers buried inside me in the shower after my cut pulling my hair to look at you 😵‍💫

Mmm babe I wanna be so deep inside you. 🫦 feeling you tighten around me until I can't hold back anymore and cum inside you then make you clean my cock.

Seriously being around large bodies of water is the best. Add in mountains and it's my dream living situation. I've heard Petoskey is so pretty and that you can find the stones most anywhere in the northern and western area. Honestly such an underrated state.

If I know I'm gonna be around animals that really get me, because some aren't as bad as others, I take the behind the counter allergy meds for as many days as I can leading up to it. 😂😂 gahhhhhhhh I wanna be laying there with all the puppies all over us both. It'd be so cute and fun 😍 perfect date idea 🤭

I had a pretty good day. How are you cutie?

-🪭

Good 😘💕 Thank you sweetheart 💕

😭 No ouchies, just sleepies 🥰

🤭💕 so eager to please me? I adore your obedience baby...on your feet for me 💕

That's unfortunately why I think I'm so nervous, cos I finally found my fit a year ago and now we're gonna have to part 😅 but! I am happy theyre going into something that will be better for them and make them happy! I'm hopeful I'll find a good fit eventually 🥰 Thank you baby 😘 you're so supportive 💕 I really appreciate that 🥰

Yay!!! 🥰💕 I'm glad you got it scheduled sweetheart 😘 also mmm~ that is a very pretty image, I'd be praising you and begging you to cum on my hand 😘💕

Fuck, Id have my legs wrapped so tight around your waist 😵‍💫💕 I'd be more than happy to use my pretty mouth to polish your strap baby 😘💕

Ugh yessss 🥰💕 I've always told people if I lived in a simple cottage/cabin in the woods, I'd be perfectly fine 🥰💕 especially if it was near a pretty beach or lake that I could swim in 💕 Ugh it truly is~ I've thought about moving many times and as much as I hate the Winter here, I would miss it so much 😂💕

🥺💕 Awwww babyyyy 🥺💕 If I could take those pesky allergies away I would 🥺💕 you're a huge animal lover 🥺💕 also hehe I would absolutely be down 😘💕

I'm glad you had a good day Darling 🥰💕 Im doing okayyy, unwinding after the Attack On Titan movie premiered at my job 😂💕 was quite busyyy! I feel so much better now that I'm home 🥰

[postapocalypticcatbrat]

art journeys are so strange. the fuckers in my head don't make it any less strange. I've been drawing since i was a kid, just never stopped and now that's what I'm in college for. I'm cleaning my room. I found all my old sketchbooks, i don't remember half any of it nor the order they go in. only some pages have dates. my headmate could ID some late highschool stuff, mainly because that's when we got into a game that genuinely improved our life. our mom (genuinely a shit mom) banned us from fanart back in middle school i think.

but then there's fanart of beloved characters that i still hold dear, yet there's some downright primal fear around those drawings. and it makes me wonder how much did our mom fuck up our art journey. i wonder who remembers how our mom reacted to the fanart of two guys holding hands, the drawing of a demon guy in a dress. there's no more fashion drawings after that.

i graduated highschool the same year i found my favorite video game, a game my mom never knew i adored, i also got into zelda at that time, but my mom knew of that. i was also in ap 2d art at that time. my art teacher said to hide my art style, it was "too anime" in her words. my art looks so stagnant until i started sketching my favorite game's antagonist.

my childhood friend entered my life again after graduating highschool. they got to be the first one to hear about my favorite game and the first to see the first fanart i did of it.

college started and i was in art appreciation, the teacher encumbered me to go into the art department. I'm glad i listened to her.

but before that i had winter break. some traumatic shit happened during it so I'll spare the details, but i used my favorite game as a coping mechanism and drew it to stay calm. even with the bad memories connected to the drawings from then, i still actually like them.

school started back and i entered drawing 1, the teacher is a kind lady, she's from Ukraine, she also teaches printmaking. entering her class was a weird time. my mom got sick, no longer fully controlling me, i just discovered my system (or well, the words for it), the main fucker who deals with school now showed up (I'll call them 'C', they are here alot), and an abusive friendship ended. it was alot.

my time in drawing class had me draw a portrait of soneone by memory, i had chosen that childhood friend. it was the first time in our memories that there was a sense of pride in a portrait. god it was awful looking, but it was them, C was proud of it. i don't they ever showed our friend, oh well.

drawing class was amazing. the teacher still is amazing, we're taking printmaking 2 next semester with her. she encouraged trying new things, framed as "seeing new horizons" rather than "leaving your comfort zone" but she also wanted everyone to do things they liked. we did character illustration, C designed a group of characters for one class and decided to use those characters in our drawing final, a large 3 piece series.

those drawings look almost 3d, the characters were cut out and taped onto a drawn background, layered to have deep shadows. it doesn't look that good, but it's interesting, it even had the teacher encourage us to try making pop ups. C indeed tried that suggestion. and they liked it, the mix of art and engineering made C find it enjoyable.

i wonder why no other teacher before was as encouraging as her. why was it always to hide, not embrace.

now i sew. cosplay was something we've loved for years, but now we see how much our mom controlled us with it. i finally sewn a part of a cosplay from scratch. why was i not allowed to do that before is something C and I wonder now. C wore that costume to a convention, it was of the antagonist for our favorite game. it's weird, it feels like we're reclaiming what was stolen from us by an abusive peice of shit mother.

we've sewn a plush, it actually was the critter that went to C's costume. it's in an artshow now. something most people think to submit master studies, still lifes, and sculpture or abstract art to. now a pokemon from a fangame is in it, I'm told it's always the artwork you're not proud of that gets into shows, but now the plushy C is so proud of is on display. it's weird.

i know if our mom was alive, she's tell us what to submit, i doubt it would have been the plushy, she probably wouldn't have let us make it.

it's still weird. sometimes i wonder how our art would look if our mom just let us do our thing. or if we never got into that game. i know our art would be very different (or more consistent lol) if we weren't a system, but that one i can answer, the others will be mysteries as long as we're on our art journey

idk, moral of the story, it gets better even if it's weird as fuck. i went from not being allowed to do anything to making a giant staff out of wood at school (with the teacher's help because my disability said no saws for me) for a cosplay. I went from not knowing anything going on and being scared to jokingly arguing with my headmates about zelda lore while doing art homework. it's weird, it's unwell, but it's better than it was and it'll keep getting better

[keefiswhoiam]

March 19 - 2024 Tuesday

11:01pm

6/10

This morning I had to use the bathroom which ate into my usual cleaning time. But I did get to wipe down my microwave and hotplate area. I tried to clean my toaster oven door by letting windex with vinegar soak it for awhile but that didn't work. The residue on that glass is baked on and I need something strong+steel wool or something to get it off. I took a quick shower and made a jimmy dean breakfast sandwich with rice for breakfast. I started stream early.

I warmed up with some pony poses and struggled with consistent anatomy and perspective. I finished that Venus commission which finally caught me up and put me ahead of schedule. Then I worked on a shygal commission as much as I could but had spare time so I started putting together a catalogue of YCHs like I planned. Work was pretty fun today, a lot of talking and engaging conversations happened. I do get tired of everything I say being something to be disproven though. At least thats what it feels like. Certain people are so eager to put down my opinion despite there not being a right answer.

After work I tidied up and revised my discord server's rules and also made sure all my commission info is up to date on all the sites I post on. Then I wanted some 'me time' but my NordVPN wasn't working for some reason so I couldn't access a lot of sites due to the age verification laws that would force me to show ID. But I made due. For lunch I made a slice of pizza and some doritos. I was a little late to afternoon work. I did today's request and worked on my silly little animation for an hour. Then I hopped in BR's server so I could stream AE's avatar I'm making for him. I only went about 45 minutes even though I had more time in the work day because I was spent. Also the call was just them laughing at stuff I couldn't see and then video game chatter amongst themselves.

After leaving I watched a Stardew Valley stream for around 2.5 hours and just did nothing. I needed that break. I made chicken and rice a roni cup for dinner like usual but I made the rice a roni in the pan for the first time and that was good. After eating, DS got in bed and we did puzzles, she read a few monster high chapters, and I played Kingdom Hearts. We stayed up a bit late, Im deciding to put my dishes off until tomorrow morning so I can get to bed sooner.

~~~

Today's focus was meant to be on Self as Context which I already understand pretty well but I had a hard time putting it into practice today. I chalked it up to it just being an off day. I still tried. I did a lot of work today and had a headache for it all evening. Barely talked to anyone directly other than DS because no one seemed to be around today.

3 things I liked about today:

Catching up on my work schedule.

Stardew Valley stream watching.

DS reading Monster High to me.

[pahtoosh]

cozy corner

[image ID: a photocollage with pink borders. the collage has two photos of assorted stuffed animals and one photo of stuffed animals in a pink tent with fairy lights. /.end ID]

18+

masterlist

wc: ~950 words

warnings: extreme fluff. almost a thousand words of saying how much Bucky loves you. the word "daddy" is only used twice at the end. Bucky carries reader.

a/n: thank you so much for the love on "puffles, Daddy"! it inspired me to write this little piece based on the phrase "their separate bedroom that was more often used as a playroom than their sleeping quarters". I have four other drafts with the same pairing but I'm holding them hostage until more of you angels start commenting or reblogging😈

pairing: mafia!daddy!bucky x gn!little!reader

summary: Bucky makes a cozy little spot for his baby

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Bucky didn’t know you were a little at the start of your relationship. He’d heard the term caregiver before, but he didn’t know how much he’d enjoy being one until he met your little self. The first time he was with you as you went into the headspace, he fell in love with the added dynamic in your relationship. You took some time to feel comfortable with slipping around him, but he let you take your time and assured you that he loved you in both headspaces along the way. 

He dove into researching caregiver/little relationships, only wanting the best for you. He did ask you what you needed from him and learned to read your nonverbal cues to fill in the blanks, but the research was helpful for things that you yourself weren’t aware of. He’d also turn to his notes when you were little and needed something, but were too far into the headspace to advocate for yourself. The accounts from other littles and more experienced caregivers helped him feel more confident in caring for you. 

One of the ideas expressed in these relationships was to have separate bedrooms. At first, Bucky wrote off this idea because he liked being close to you, especially at night and when you first woke up. But then he read about how much the separate space helped other littles, and he knew he had to at least try. 

He started by completely redecorating the bedroom right next to the master. The walls were painted in your favorite color, the hard floor now had soft rugs, and he built a coffee table for your tea parties(or business meetings as you called them). 

At first, the new room confused you. Your little brain feared that Bucky didn’t wanna sleep next to you anymore and that you had become an annoyance. He quickly took in your crestfallen face and told you the purpose of the room, assuring you that you could still sleep with him if you wanted and that this was just another option. 

Now feeling much better, you took in your surroundings. You absolutely loved the decorations Bucky had chosen and began to daydream about spending your time in this room that was perfectly catered towards you. The bedspread was just as soft as the one in the master, but it had a fun pattern. And all your coloring supplies and toys were placed in organized, easily accessible drawers along the wall. Even in your state of mind, you could see that Bucky put a lot of time and effort into this room. 

Your eyes began to water and you tackled Bucky with a hug. He rubbed your back and pressed a kiss to your head. “Do you like it, bubba?” You nodded into his shirt, too shy to say anything.  

Throughout the following weeks, you spent more and more time in your room. You mostly slept in the master bedroom with Bucky, but now you liked playing and coloring in your room instead of in the living room or on the dining table. Even though this room was fully your space, Bucky still maintained that you had to put your toys and markers away when you weren’t using them. He’d help you if you asked of course, but he wanted to teach you to take care of your space and your belongings. 

After helping you clean so many times, Bucky noticed that you really liked taking out all of your stuffed animals and laying in a pile of them. At first he thought there was an issue with your bed, but you took naps in it just fine. When he asked you about it, you just said it was cozy and began picking at a loose thread on your shirt, a little embarrassed. 

Bucky had a feeling that this pile did more for you than you could express at the moment, so he decided to make it a permanent fixture in your room. The next day, you took a nap on your shared bed while he got to work. He rearranged the furniture in your room and collected extra blankets and pillows around the house to make what you would later call your “cozy corner”. 

When you woke up from your nap, he had you close your eyes as he carried you towards the next room to reveal the surprise. When you finally got to see what Bucky had been up to, you were delighted by the new addition. You wiggled a bit and pointed towards the corner while still in his arms, prompting him to carry you closer to get a better look. Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off of you as you admired the display. He felt so grateful that you trusted him with this vulnerable part of yourself, letting him see every emotion on your face. Right now, you were displaying pure joy. 

“You wanna try it out? See if it’s as cozy as how you usually make it?” he asked. 

You nodded excitedly, prompting Bucky to joke about your head falling off your shoulders. He gently set you down on the center of the pile. A happy sigh escaped your lips as you melted into the assortment of soft materials. Bucky felt so fulfilled from seeing his baby enjoy his work. 

You had never felt so comfortable, but there was one thing that could make this better. You reached your arms out towards Bucky. “Join me, Daddy! Please?” 

He dove right into the pile, hugging you to his chest and kissing all over your face. You spent the next few hours in your cozy corner cuddled up to your daddy as you watched one of your favorite cartoons.

[astradreaming]

Last Man Standing...

A/N: It's mostly the Marble Hornets storyline but I sort of added the Creepypasta proxy storyline (at least for Hoodie), so I hope it makes sense <3 ♡ Hope you enjoy it! Have a good day/night lovely's ♡ Word count: 1,215

masterlist

You hadn't heard from your beloved boyfriend, Tim in a couple days. Although it wasn't something that was necessarily unusual as of lately he'd become more and more distant. Leaving unannounced from your flat randomly, not calling or texting for days at a time and not seeing each other in person sometimes for as long as a couple of weeks at a time.

He'd brush it off, different excuses each time, his boss wanted him to work overtime, an old college friend needed help with some film, his friend needed help finding his missing girlfriend. It was all very strange and didn't help soothe your anxieties and worries.

However every time he'd come over, come home. He'd be himself. He'd be apologetic and make up for the days he'd missed with you. It wasn't until one night he'd banged on your door at 3am. His hair was a mess, clothes were equally dirty. Standing next to him a also tired and messed up Jay who stood behind Tim awkwardly.

The two had cleaned up and you'd heated up some leftovers for them. After setting Jay up on the couch for what was left of the night. Tim hadn't wanted to talk about it, he'd said in the morning. Yet when morning came the pair were gone. That was three weeks ago. You hadn't heard from Tim or Jay. Neither responding to your call or texts.

Flicking through the Netflix shows, you decided to re-watch your favourite show for the hundredth time. Halfway through you got up to make a cup of tea. Trying to relax after your long day. Lately, you'd have a bad headache you couldn't get rid of. It never got worse it was just aching.

Just as the jug flicked off, finally finished boiling. Your phone rang. jay's caller ID glared up at you. Instantly picking it up, you were met with quiet static.

"Jay?"

Nothing. Static.

Then his voice. It seemed distant, he was yelling. Something about a school?

"Jay? What's going on? What school?" Pure confusion and worried filled your senses.

Alex! Alex's old school. What was he doing there?

"Jay, what's happened?"

He sounded scared, panicked like a wild animal. The static was coming back slowly. Something about Alex being dangerous and something about Tim?

"Is he okay?"

The static came back but you could make out a yelling, angry voice. Alex.

A loud bang rang out through the phone. It was loud like a- Like a gunshot!

"Jay!"

"Hello?"

The static got worse, so bad you had to pull the phone away from your ear. Then your phone cut out.

Looking back at your phone, the call ended apparently on jay's end. Then your phone died. Weird you'd just charged it...

Grabbing your keys, you run to your car. Alex's school. Only an hour or so away...

The school must have been on break. There was only Tim's car out the front. Seeing a hall down the road with the door flung open, you begin to run toward it.

Creaking open the door, the old wooden hall stretched out before you. Heading in you called for Tim. Turning a corner you reached a pair of glass doors, a figure lay still on the ground there. You quickly pushed the doors open, kneeling before the man in a ski mask. He was wearing a worn yellow hoodie, and the ski mask had a red stitched frowny face.

Just as you'd begun to remove his mask, he seemingly began to awake. What a strange place to sleep. But who were you to judge. He groaned and flinched away from the light grasp you had on the man.

"Are you alright?"

He seemed to be what you assumed was staring at you. Maybe he couldn't speak?

"Do you know where a Tim or Jay is? They're supposed to be here somewhere? Do you know them?"

All he did was stand up, and point to a set of dark brown doors across the room, before leaving where you just came from.

"O-okay thanks!" You managed to yell out as he'd left the room

On you went through the building...

Walking through a long dark decrepit hallway. There on one of the many doorways was a smeared bloody handprint, running into the room you were met with nothing. It was just another dusty empty room. Except for the small pool of blood on the floor near the wall... without its owner.

"Tim? Jay?" Your shaky voice echoed through the abandoned walls.

You decided to keep going forward. Finally reaching the end of the hallway, was a staircase going both up and down. Looking down, the further it went the darker it got, you couldn't even see the bottom.

Going against every horror movie ever, you went up the stairs. Turning around and around. Up and up. When you turned yet another corner, there lay a camera at your feet. Looking up at the stairs in front, Tim. Blood covering his hands up to his elbows, face down on the floor hanging off onto the stairs.

"Tim!"

Rushing up to him, your shaking hands grabbing his shoulders, turning him around.

"Tim, you've gotta wake up!" Shaking him as you had many other times when he would refuse to wake up earlier than he'd like in the mornings when he'd stay at your place.

"Tim, baby please" Your voice cracked. Tears stream down your face, falling onto his arm soaking in the blood.

You don't know how long you'd sat there holding onto him, trying to wipe the blood away with your hands, the blood now dried and stained both of you. When he jolted awake like he'd woke from a nightmare. His face contorted in pain, not physical that much you knew. His hands found you, clinging onto you a bit too tight to be comfortable but you couldn't feel it, too relieved to see him awake, alive.

"Tim w-"

He cut you off, hands cradling your face. His eyes scanned, searching you.

"Are- Are you hurt?" His voice was scratchy as if he'd been yelling for too long, he mumbled as if he didn't really want any other answer than 'No'.

"Are you? What happened? Where's Jay? Whose blood is that? Jay said something about Alex? W-"

"I-i'll explain it, explain everything" He sighed and placed his forehead against yours, eyes tightly shut.

"It'll be okay, everything's fine now."

"I don't understand Tim"

You were about to tell him about the man you'd seen earlier when a faint buzzing filled your head. It felt funny. Suddenly that was all you could focus on. The way it felt. Like tv static but inside your head.

Your sight on Tim became blurry, he seemed to look stressed, and scared. Even though he was right next to you, you could feel his hands on you, he seemed so far away. It was like he was getting further and further away. In the corner of your eye, blurry black tentacle-like things came closer as if the owner of said tentacles was right behind you. When suddenly all you saw was black. You could faintly hear the course yelling from Tim, after a while it all went quiet.

Was this Death? Or was this something else?

The Ark.