#also jade’s too because the green highlights look really pretty

[thewertsearch]

If you're using the collection I think you might have unlocked some stuff from the time period which Andy was interacting with the Fandom.

I did indeed!

Most of the news posts are pre-Homestuck, but interesting nonetheless. A lot of it's just housekeeping - announcements about donation commands, thank-you messages to contributors, short hiatuses from the comic, etc, but there's also a lot of interesting stuff to highlight.

Turns out Problem Sleuth really was bigger than I thought, enough for it to have millions of hits and a sold-out merch store.

I'd been assuming that Homestuck was Hussie's big breakout comic. Maybe it was, but they had a pretty sizeable following before it ever started.

Really everything that's happened so far [by the end of Act 1] probably serves as more of a prologue than a first chapter.

Hussie talks a bit about Act 1 after it ended, saying that the entire thing is essentially a prologue to the comic proper.

This is definitely the impression I got. The whole Act is just an elaborate tutorial sequence for John, after all.

Glancing backwards, I can't help but monitor my progress. 55 days, 247 pages (with 295 images). That's a little more than 5 images per day, which is almost the exact pace I set with Problem Sleuth over the course of a year.

Their pace at this point was an astounding five pages per day.

This is an average which includes time spent making gifs and Flash animations, so I'm kind of losing it over this. Webcomics are notorious for the exact opposite of this update speed, and there must have been a lot of optimization behind the scenes to make it work.

It's especially impressive considering that they were only updating a couple of times a week back in the Bard Quest days. They seem to have found their rhythm in early 2008, because this is a hell of a jump in productivity.

John's shirt, which of course appears to be Slimer from Ghostbusters, is actually a depiction of an Asian knock-off of Slimer called the GREEN SLIME GHOST. Rose's shirt was once a depiction of a character from a fake cute cartoon show which I totally made up called "Squiddles!". She then went about defacing this shirt to make it look mean!

We get a bit of flavor on the kids' symbol shirts. This newspost predates Jade's introduction by several months, so we finally have an answer for where the name originally came from, which I was wondering about earlier.

A familiar refrain with pages like this I have found is something like: "Is that all? Can I do anything else? Can I kill the imp? Is there an objective I'm missing?" The answer is, what you see is what you get! These are not really fully functional mini-games with the sort of objectives you would expect to see from such things. They are partially interactive pages in a story, leaning on certian traditional elements of gameplay to convey the story-purpose of the page.

Bit of commentary here about the 'playable' pages. They're intended to be interactive cutscenes, rather than actual games. There isn't going to be any 'hidden' content, just obvious beats that progress the story in a format that looks like a videogame.

We get a hint that there's a secret in Jaspers' flash, which apparently is no longer clickable on the website version of this animation. This pretty much immediately destroys my assumption above that these things won't have any hidden content in them.

It's not any secret lore or anything, though, just a cute little animation giving us a look into Rose's head. She really is an animal lover, isn't she?

This archive link to a poll on what items John should have alchemized no longer works, which breaks my heart :'( I'll see about finding it later, I guess...

Anyway, I'll be back here later, when there's more to read.

Someone remind me to check out the Blogspot later, too. It looks super wordy, and I wanna get back to the comic!

[strikhedonia9]

Vietnam Diaries: Part 2 - Hanoi

We landed in Hanoi at 7.30 am ICT (ICT stands for Indochina time, and it’s one and a half hours ahead of IST). The airport was pretty empty. We got our stuff, and we were off to Hanoi Paradise Center Hotel and Spa where we had booked our stay for the next four days. This hotel is in Old Quarter, which is probably the most happening place in Hanoi. We had booked the hotels online, and it had great reviews, and the rooms looked great. When our cabbie dropped us off we were looking around expecting to see a big hotel entrance. Imagine our shock when the receptionist walked up to us, pointed towards a really dark, narrow, and shady looking alley and said “this way please”. We looked like someone who had just been asked to have a glass of bitter gourd juice! Luckily, the hotel turned out to be as good as the reviews suggested. The rooms were quite comfortable, and the staff very friendly. The receptionist even gave us a map of Hanoi, and told us about the places we could visit, and the things we could do there. Given that four out of the five of us were vegetarians, she even told us how to ask for vegetarian food in Vietnamese. “An chay” means “Vegetarian”. “An trung” means “I eat eggs”. These phrases could save your life if you’re an eggetarian, or like me, a vegetarian.

Most of the things we had planned were in Old Quarter, and first on the list was Ho Hoan Kiem (meaning “Lake of the returned sword”). Now there’s a story behind why it was named so, and I was expecting a really fancy one that would blow my mind, but it was a pretty simple one which I’m not gonna write about here.  We freshened up, and left for Hoan Kiem lake which was a very short walk from the hotel. 

Hoan Kiem lake is one of the most visited places in Hanoi. The lake was named Ho Luc Thuy in the past which means “Green water lake” (not very creative, but makes sense because the water is green). There are a few things of interest here. There is the Ngoc Son temple (means Temple of the Jade mountain) which has a preserved specimen of a giant turtle, the beautiful Huc bridge which leads you to the Ngoc Son temple, and the turtle tower in the middle of the lake. 

One thing I was glad I did was wake up early one morning, and go for a walk around this lake. There were people walking, running, and exercising of course, but the highlight was a group of people dancing to some slow, melodic Vietnamese music. Now I’m not really into dancing (mostly because I suck at it), but this was a really pleasant sight. It looked peaceful and refreshing, and far better than the drunken dancing that I’m used to seeing. We later went on to realize that this is a very common thing in Vietnam, and found people dancing to music near the beaches too. This is one of the things I must say I really loved about Vietnam.

If you visit Hanoi, your trip is incomplete without visiting their night markets. The Old Quarter night market is of course second to none. It is open Friday to Sunday from 7pm to 12am, and no vehicles are allowed here during this time, as the streets leading to the night market are cordoned off. It has to be covered by foot. We thought this was good for two reasons. One was of course that it’s really peaceful to walk around without having to look out for vehicles, or be annoyed by unnecessary honking. The second was that it was a good way to burn off all the calories that we consumed, stuffing ourselves with every new type of food that we could find. The night market has almost everything. Rows and rows of shops selling clothes, shoes, bags, handicrafts, souvenirs, action figures, ceramics, and so many other things. Prices are low, but haggling and bargaining is an absolute must, and it is also expected.

Where there are streets full of people there is of course food! The street parallel to the night market was filled with restaurants. The restaurants had put small stools and tables which even came onto the roads. All of them were filled, and people seemed to be really enjoying themselves. It’s a nice way to take a break from all the walking and shopping, and chill with a cold beer and some authentic Vietnamese street food.

Another thing that’s high up on the list of things to do in Hanoi for tourists is watch the water puppet show in the Thang Long water puppet theater. Now I didn’t go for this, because I thought “who’d wanna watch a puppet show?”. But, it’s known to be an award winning puppet show, and two of my friends who went to the show thoroughly enjoyed it. It is better to buy the tickets directly at the theater than buying it online. It is about ₹800 (or $10) cheaper.

Any blog on Vietnam or Hanoi always has mention of the train street. This was something we were curious about, and we decided to check it out one evening. We didn’t regret it one bit. We had read about this place. We had read that it was a narrow street lined with eateries and shops, with a track running down the middle. When the train passes by there’s just a few inches between the shops and the train. It sounds dangerous but it’s totally safe, and very thrilling. Just before the train arrives there are people who walk around making sure the tracks are clear. We sat in one of the cafes feeding on junk and sipping cold beer, and watched three trains pass by. It’s definitely something that I would recommend.

Besides these there are a lot of guided tours from Hanoi. There’s the Ninh Binh province tour, the HaLong bay tour, the Bat Trang (this has nothing to do with Batman) ceramic village tour etc. We had decided to go for Ninh Binh, and HaLong bay tours.

to be continued.....

[fairestwriting]

title: sunday mornings

summary: Even after spending a while in Night Raven College, Phoebe still didn’t know their classmates very well, and they didn’t know them either. Today, when the dorm leaders and vice leaders show up to Ramshackle to help them clean, they begin to close this distance.

word count: 2513

another piece commissioned by @invederphoeb ! continuing the series with their yuu/mc. available on ao3 here also!

if you’re interested in my commissions too, guidelines are here!

The morning comes in slowly, the mattress shifting along with Phoebe’s weight as she turns, still not fully aware of her surroundings, mind cloudy. Her eyes struggle to open once she’s finally on her back, teddy bear loosely in her arms and a blanket covering both of them.

She stares at the ceiling — The unfamiliar ceiling of her new bedroom, in the Ramshackle building that headmaster had oh so kindly allowed her to stay in, slowly unblurring the more awake she feels, a slow smile makes its way into her face.

The unfamiliar ceiling had been becoming slightly more familiar over time. It was still strange, waking up in a place like this, almost the complete antithesis of everything she had back home, but it was approaching a similar definition now, it felt like something she could call—

She blinks. Wait, there’s a weight on her chest, the room isn’t quiet at all—

“Floyd!” She squeaks, quickly sitting up on the bed. “What are you doing? And when did you get here?”

“Hehe, good morning, Shrimpy! Just wanted to check if your heart’s still beating and stuff! You were super still when you were sleeping.” He chimes. Looking around, there’s quite a lot of people by the door, mostly near the walls, but all of their eyes are on Phoebe — She lowers hers to her lap, clutching at her teddy bear tighter. “How are ya doing? You slept well?”

She glances up for a second, doing a bit of a head count — It’s a lot of people, her brain reminds her once again, anxiously, and she can tell it’s those dorm leaders who had been standing around her bed after she awoke in the infirmary, a couple weeks ago, and a handful of less familiar faces, though some she could recognize from that entrance ceremony, even when it had felt much more like a fever dream.

She squints. A green-haired one with a broad frame, the long-haired, sharp-eyed one who often followed Kalim, a blond with a strange hat, a short one with striking pink highlights...

...and, of course, Floyd, who she knew a little too well, from him following her around whenever he had the chance, all too entertained by novelty, and his twin Jade, who she knew from the nearly identical face, and a myriad of mentions of his name by the former.

“Uh, yeah, I rested alright. What are you guys doing here?” She mutters, looking around. Floyd tilts his head, smiling sweetly, like he doesn’t have all those sharp teeth hiding right behind the gesture.

“Headmaster Crowley tasked us with helping you clean up.” Riddle steps forward to explain. “Well…it was meant to be the dorm leaders, mostly, I thought it would be a good idea to bring Trey to help, too, but…”

“It seems we’ve all had the same idea, haven’t we?” Vil takes a step forward and sighs, arms crossed as he spares a glance to the other Pomefiore boy by his side — With the hat and blond hair, was that his vice leader? Phoebe doesn't remember being acquainted with him just yet, although it feels like she might have seen him around… “But it’s not a bad thing. It means we’ll be getting this… problem fixed sooner than later.” He squints at the cobwebs on the corners of the ceiling, wincing.

Phoebe sighs, moving to get off the bed, pushing the covers off her. “I guess it’d have to happen at one point, huh? This place really is a mess…” The last words are somewhat muttered, a part of her feels bad for complaining about it when she’d been pretty much housed for free, in a world where she barely had anything to offer.

“I’m just here because Crowley told me to.” Leona grumbles.

“We know that, yes.” Vil glances at him as he comments. “But don’t expect you’ll just be lying around without having to make yourself useful. This is the dorm leader’s duty, and guess just what you are?”

“Aw, come on, guys, there’s no need to fight or anything! If we all do our parts, we’re probably gonna be done super soon, right, Jamil?” Kalim butts in, smiling brightly. The boy by his side, apparently named Jamil, merely nods for a bit.

“Yes, well.” He speaks. “We’ll have to split up the tasks, obviously. Provided that everyone here knows how to clean?”

“Ehh, I don’t feel like cleaning now, can’t we just use magic?” Floyd complains, leaning his head against the mattress now.

“We will be using magic, naturally. With our combined efforts, we might really finish the whole place within the day.” Azul states, then casts a bespectacled glance at Phoebe, smiling. “But of course, if you wish to make any de facto improvements to the Ramshackle building, my services are always open to you, Phoebe. Feel free to book an appointment anytime.”

“Um, thank you?” She half-smiles at him, and near her, Floyd giggles, flashing the sharp teeth. Something about that boy just doesn’t really sit right with her, though he never did anything wrong that she knows of…maybe it’s how he reminds her of Ursula. “Should I be the one splitting up the tasks? Or do you guys have anything you’d prefer to take in?”

“I can do anything, but when it comes to getting those cobwebs off, you should… get someone else.” Jamil says, the lightest of wavers to his voice.

“Me and Jamil could take care of the kitchen, since we’re used to being in places like that? It sounds like a good idea to me.” The green haired one next to Riddle, Trey, suggests.

“Right. Maybe the dorm leaders should take on the lounge?” Riddle says, chin between his index finger and thumb as he thinks.

“I’ll take on the hallways or something, if I have to.” Leona sighs.

“Oh! Good idea, Roi du Leon, let me accompany you!” The one by Vil’s side chirps. Leona’s eyes go wide, ears flattening.

“Hey, I don’t want this guy to—”

“I believe me and Floyd could be useful to the lounge, too. We’re rather used to cleaning large places in short periods of time, because of the work we do for the lounge.” Jade interrupts the dorm leader, a hand placed over his own chest as he speaks.

“Yes, I’ll be with you in the lounge, then.” Vil sighs.

“I would like to join in the lounge as well.” Malleus speaks up, finally. The boy by his side perks up. “If that’s okay with you, prefect.”

“Oh.” Phoebe blinks. “Yeah, sure?”

“Ooh, I’ll take upstairs, then, so Malleus can have some time with his new friend.” The one by the Diasomnia dorm leader’s side says. “Ah, have I introduced myself to you, little one? I’m Lilia Vanrouge, pleased to meet you. Malleus has said he was very curious about you.”

“They’re from a different world, so it’s only natural…”

“Then I suppose I’ll be taking upstairs as well.” Azul says, polished as always.

“I wanna be in the lounge!” Kalim chimes.

“That’s all of us, it seems, so it’s decided.” Riddle concludes. “Should we proceed to our task, now?”

. . .

After giving her some time to change, the group walks downstairs together, exchanging comments here and there about the state of the place. Phoebe feels a little shy, but somehow surprisingly comfortable, in the middle of all those people she doesn’t actually know, but has a vague idea of how their personality should work — Linking back to things she knew before she’d gotten sucked into this new world.

“This place is a mess.” Vil sighs, looking exasperated. “I can’t believe Crowley would let the magicless student live in a place like this, when they can’t properly clean it by themselves…”

“It’s the headmaster, so we shouldn’t question too much…” Riddle responds in a mutter. “In any case, let’s start by getting the dust off the furniture. Uh, prefect, did you get your cleaning supplies?”

“They’re right here!” Phoebe chimes, brandishing her broom in one hand, a mop in the other. Riddle spares her a nod.

“Shrimpy’s gonna be using just that to clean?” Floyd’s eyes are wide, but he seems amused as he leans in closer to talk to Phoebe. “Ehh, that’s kinda sad. It’s a lotta dust, can you really do a lot if you don’t have magic?”

“Now, Floyd, let’s not be rude. Phoebe is from a different world than yours, so we’ll have different strengths and weaknesses.” Jade steps in, smiling politely. Phoebe’s hands tighten around the broom's handle.

The group had started to scatter around the lounge, each finding a corner and pulling out magical pens, a couple more brooms and rags sitting next to the staircase. Phoebe wondered just how their magic worked, the limits, the specifics… so much to learn about them, no wonder she felt a little inadequate in these interactions.

She was the odd one out after all. Not that this was a bad thing, but when Earth was the way it was, and Twisted Wonderland was like that…

“I’ll have to say I’m rather interested in this.” Malleus’ voice shows up suddenly, stepping towards the circle of conversation she had with the twins, and Phoebe jumps slightly. “I would love to hear more about your world, knowing it’s apparently so different from Twisted Wonderland.”

“Well, it’s not anything to write home about to you guys, I’m sure.” Phoebe shrugs, beginning to walk around the room to pick a place to clean — Maybe that left corner? Maybe he should just sweep the floor? His eyes dart around, latently thinking. “You probably noticed that already, but we don’t have magic at all.”

“What are you learning at school, then?” Floyd questions with a small laugh, and even as he implies the importance of magic, he pushes a knocked over armchair back into standing the way it’s meant to with his bare hands, causing a loud thud to echo. “We just learn magic stuff here, pretty much!”

“But don’t we have schools for the magicless as well?” Malleus, who seemed to have taken a corner near where Phoebe was now, turns to her, tilting his head. “I’m assuming that’s what you learn, in your world.”

“Yeah, well… we learn math, history, language, sciences… that kinda stuff. You have some of it in Night Raven too, right?” He asks, eyes on Malleus as he pushes the mop through layers of dust — Leaving a trail of darker wood in the middle of the greyed-looking one.

“Floyd, that was such a rude question.” Riddle scolds as he’s waving his magic pen, enchanting a rag to float up to the ceiling and beat away at a cobweb. “Learning magic isn’t all that matters.”

“Are your schools similar to this at all?” Malleus continues to wonder, ignoring the other conversation going on near them — Probably not even intentionally, Phoebe thinks, and he chuckles in amusement for a bit. “I’ve never studied at an institution for the magicless, so I don’t have much to base my guesses off of…”

“Ooh, I had some friends from one back home!” Kalim chimes in, voice loud from the other side of the lounge, waving at Phoebe. “Most of them aren’t like NRC, actually. A lot of them aren’t boarding schools?”

“What Kalim said.” She laughs a bit awkwardly again. “Boarding schools are… rare, in my world, and usually really expensive to study in. You have to pay tuition there.”

“We do have tuition in some cases, but it seems that NRC prefers to scout its students.” Jade hums as he’s working with the curtain, doing… something with magic that Phoebe doesn’t quite understand, possibly cleaning dust off it without having to wash. “I’m growing rather interested in your world as well, Phoebe. Though all of us here have our own cultural differences, because of the places we hail from.”

“Yeah! Me and Jade are from the Coral Sea, since we’re eel-mers, and Goldfishie is from the Country of Roses, that kinda stuff!” Floyd adds on. “You guys got different countries too, right?”

“Oh, yeah, that we do. There’s a lot of different cultures on Earth too.” She responds, outlining the floor with streaks of cleanliness. “You can’t really cover everything in one go and all, even schools might be different. Things like holidays change, too, depending on which one you’re a part of. A date might be important to one person and mean nothing to the other.”

“Oh, yeah, I get it! Like how fireworks are a big deal in the sea, but on land people don’t think about them much.” Floyd chirps.

“You’re all talking too much and cleaning too little.” Vil scolds, turning a sharp glare towards the twins. They don’t seem bothered by it.

“Hehe, sorry, Betta Fish!” Floyd giggles, scratching the back of his hair. Vil shakes his head, sighing.

A sort of warm feeling spreads through Phoebe’s chest. Like that, they really looked like friends, didn’t they? Maybe she has a place in this world, strange and half-unfamiliar as it is.

“How curious.” Malleus comments, breaking his brief silence. “But are you staying permanently here, or are you looking for a way to come back to your world?”

“Well…” Phoebe mutters. And… what was she looking for? She finds that she doesn’t actually know. Crowley said he’d look for a way to bring her back, but somehow, she has a feeling that might not really happen, seeing how he had a bit of a careless disposition. “I’m not sure.” She decides on saying.

“Surely there’s a lot from your world you can’t just find here.” Malleus muses. Phoebe gives him a shrug, her cleaning getting just a bit slower.

“I mean, it hasn’t been so bad here, you know? I do have my friends that I miss, and I don’t know how things are going back home if I just disappeared, but…” She feels a weight in her chest again — This time not literal, but something more like guilt. Yeah, what about her loved ones, how were they doing? She couldn’t do anything to go back by herself, now, so she didn’t see a point in just panicking about it all the time, however… “I don’t know, okay? I’m just trying to stay positive. I’ve been having an alright time here too.”

“Crowley did enroll you as a student…” Riddle comments. “So there’s nothing wrong with you staying here, really. And while you do, we’re happy to welcome you.”

“Yeah! Shrimpy’s pretty weird, but it’s fun, so we don’t mind.”

“I have my own concerns, but if the headmaster has decided it, I suppose there’s nothing we can do about it, is there?” Vil turns, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. “Just be aware that you’re a student like us, now, so you’ll be held to the same standards that we are.”

“Well.” Phoebe shrugs with a smile. “I’m up for the task, if it means I have a place to stay.”

At least for the time being, this wasn’t too bad, was it?

[twdormleaderswap]

Visits from the Vice Dorm Leaders

     Trey stood outside of the Pomefiore dorm. He wanted to check in on Riddle. Sure, he’s seen him around school, but not a lot. Plus a lot of Pomefiore students Rook drag him away during lunch, so Trey doesn’t get to see Riddle a lot. The Heartslabyul vice dorm leader heads inside. He was amazed with the dorm’s interior. There were pillars of marble, red carpets, velvet curtains, and pretty people everywhere. He stopped a passing student, Epel.

“Excuse me. Sorry, but can I get some help?”

“Oh, you are Heartslabyul’s vice dorm leader, right?”

“That’s right. Is Riddle here?”

“Yeah. Riddle-senpau is in his quarters. Follow me.”

     Epel led Trey through the dorm. The dorm leader’s quarters was sealed by a large, double door. This dorm did not hold back on anything. The student knocked on the door. A voice could be heard from the other side.

“What is it?”

“There is some here to see you, Riddle-senpai.”

“Send them in.”

     The door opened and the student let Trey into the room before closing the door behind him. In the room, Riddle was sitting at the vanity and practicing makeup. He turned to look at who came for him.

“Trey…”

“Hey, Riddle. Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to talk with you regarding Heartslabyul, but Rook-senpai keeps dragging me away to eat with the others.”

“Haha. Wow, you got a serious glow up since being here.”

“Huh?”

“Literally. Your skin is glowing.”

“Oh, that’s the highlighter. Vil’s special highlighter is very bright and luminescent. Shine a light on me and I’m pretty sure my skin will become as bright as these chandeliers.” Then Riddle repeated Trey’s words in his head. “Wait, I know you weren’t just talking about the highlighter when you said ‘glow up!’ What did you mean by that?”

“Nothing bad!” Trey held up his hands in defense.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Ruggie smiled and hummed a little tune as he walked down the pathway to Heartslabyul. He thought he’d pay a surprise visit to his lazy senpai. He heard a groan in a low voice and took that as a sign. He walked into the Rose Maze and saw Leona in a nice cape and squeezing out water from his hair. He, himself, was also soaking wet. Ruggie did not hold back his laughter.

“Pfft-aHAHAHA!!! What happened to you? Hahaha!” Ruggie held his stomach because he thought the view before him was so funny. Leona froze, knowing that laugh and voice all too well. He stood up and looked over at Ruggie.

“Shut it, Ruggie. It’s not funny.”

“It kind of is. Nope. Sorry. It’s REALLY funny.”

“Ugh, whatever.”

“So, what happened to you?”

“Cater Diamond happened.”

“Elaborate.”

“Apparently I broke one of the hundreds of rules of the dorm.”

“How does that relate to you being soaking wet?”

“Riddle’s magic was used to punish those who broke the dorm rules, but I can’t do it. So I gave Cater the hose to spray any rule breakers…including me…” That’s when Ruggie broke. He fell onto the ground on his back, laughing and clutching his stomach. Leona groaned, but he got an idea. He took his new cape and squeezed the water out of it over the laughing hyena.

“Haha-AGH! Hey!” Ruggie immediately stopped laughing and glared at Leona, who had a smug look on his face.

“You dare to laugh at me? I am not just the King of Beasts, I am the King of Hearts. Laugh any longer then…off with your head.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Jade, along with Floyd, stood outside the dorm of Ignihyde. Floyd wanted to see Azul in his new natural habitat. The inside the dorm was just as dark and gloomy as the outside. There were torches lit with blue fire along the walls. Out of nowhere, Azul appears before the twins with a gentle smile.

“Welcome to Ignihyde, Jade. Floyd. I’m glad you could come visit.”

“Whoh!” Floyd jumps a little from the sudden appearance. “When did you start sneaking around like that?”

“I saw you two approach the dorm through the security cameras. Plus, we have an alarm for when someone enters the dorm area through the Ignihyde Mirror.” Jade chuckles.

“That’s very impressive. So, how are you doing here in the dorm of technology?”

“I’m doing just fine. Follow me. I’ll show you to our main research room.”

     Azul smiles and leads the twins to the research room. Once there, the twins were in shock and awe. The room was black, but it was covered in lights, screens, and wires.

“This is where many experiments and research takes place. Once everyone saw you two on the cameras, they retreated to their rooms to do their research there.”

“Eh? Are we that scary?” Floyd asked.

“Perhaps, but everyone here is rather shy. Try not to take too much offense to it. With my reputation, everyone is still rather cautious of me.”

“I take it you haven’t made any deals here yet?”

“Unfortunately, no. No one has been courageous enough to ask for anything. They’re all content with their technology.”

     As Jade and Azul talked about the dorm, Floyd wandered off to look at all the gadgets. He touched a button, and a bright blue screen projected up in front of him. He took off his glove, placed his finger on it and swiped it, a new screen showing up. 

“Whoa! This is so cool! How did they do this?” Floyd’s amazement caught Azul’s and Jade’s attention. Azul walks over.

“Ah, that’s one of the earlier projects from several years ago. They combined the technology with image projection from classroom projectors and the touch sensitivity of our phones. With a little magic, the projections ‘corporeal’ of sorts.”

“Huh?” Floyd looked at Azul in confusion. “How does that even work?”

“The projectors are connected to the dorm’s computer system, so the projection will show a computer home screen. Using magic, the alumni were able to give the projection a physical form while maintaining it’s transparent look. Combining that with the touch screen technology has created a physical, transparent projection of sorts. When you touch the screen, the presence of your finger interrupts the flow of the photo and electric current, allowing you to swipe the screen like our phones.” Azul shows them how it works and reveals that you can use it with gloves. He turns back to the twins. “Of course, this is old technology now and is still being improved. At the moment, we’re trying to figure out how to compress it so it can be used mobile. So far, it’s only been uploaded to and tested on Idia’s tablet. The tenants believe that it might be compatible with the mobile phone soon.”

“…” Jade and Floyd look at him and are silent.

“What?” Azul looks at them in confusion. Floyd speaks for both him and Jade mostly him.

“You have become a huge nerd.”

“Wha-…hey!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Lilia hummed and walked through the gardens of Scarabia. He stopped to watch a purple peacock walk by. He was amazed an animal could be such a vivid color. He followed it through the garden, only to be stopped by the dorm leader.

“Can you refrain from acting suspicious around the dorm?” Lilia looked up and smiled.

“Malleus! It’s been a while! How’s the new dorm treating you?”

“What are you doing here, Lilia?”

“Just came by for a visit! All of the vice dorm leaders are visiting our old leaders today. Since the switch, everything is crazy. But every dorm seems to be settling quite nicely with their new leaders. Kalim has really brightened up Diasomnia.”

“I see.”

“Nice outfit by the way. Love the gold on you. It’s a big contrast from your black, green, and silver.”

“It’s not bad. A little more revealing than I’d like, but it works for the heat.”

“So, how’s the dorm? I heard that it’s usually a party palace.”

“It’s alright, I guess. Everyone keeps their distance, so it’s not that much different from Diasomnia.”

“I think this is a good opportunity for you.”

“How is anything about this situation good?”

“You can learn to lighten up a bit. Form some bonds maybe or get other people to get to know you.”

“We’ll see about that. By the way, should you really be here with Kalim as Diasomnia’s dorm leader?”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Lilia smiled care freely. Knowing Kalim, Malleus sort of doubted that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Once Rook arrived at the drylands of Savanaclaw, he couldn’t imagine how Vil must be keeping up with his beauty and moisturized skin. He found Jack and got him to take him to “Vil’s” room. The room was very clean and organized. Vil was at the desk with a hand mirror and doing his makeup.

“Knock knock.” Rook said to get Vil’s attention. The dorm leader looked up and smiled. He got up and walked over to Rook.

“Rook, what are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were visiting? If I had known you’d be coming over, I would have made myself more presentable.”

“Fear not, fairest of them all, you are still beautiful. I’m impressed you’ve stayed so hydrated out here.”

“Well, thanks to that toner I got from Azul, my skin has remained moisturized and smooth. As for my hair, it’s a struggle to get it to remain silky and shiny.”

“You are amazing and beautiful as ever, Roi de Poison. Parfait.”

“Thank you. I try.”

“By the way, I LOVE the leather jacket. It suits you very well.”

“You think so? I’m rather thankful for the long sleeves, as it’s more fashionable. I am NOT wearing those vests. The long sleeves are a nightmare because of the heat, but I am not letting my arms tan from the sun. It’s hard enough avoiding it to prevent my face from tanning and aging.” Vil flips his hair and sighs.

“You know, you should try and put Epel in this getup.” Rook suggested, not being serious. Vil does and thinks about it.

“Well, he’s not exactly meant for this look. It would clash with his delicate beauty. But, if I can fill out this leather than so can he. I wonder if there are any spare uniforms around. I’ll have to ask Ruggie when he gets back.”

“Wait, what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Ortho entered the Mostro Lounge, knowing that his big brother would be there somewhere. He was guided to a seat and ordered a drink, since he can’t just wander around to look for his brother. When he ordered, he also requested to see his brother. The Octavinelle student nodded and went to get the new manager. Ortho happily looked around the lounge as he waited for his drink and brother to arrive. When his drink was placed in front of him, he looked up to see his big brother serving him.

“Hey, big brother!”

“Nice to see you again, Ortho.” Idia took a seat with Ortho so they can talk. “What are you doing here? I didn’t hear a thing about you coming over.”

“I just wanted to see you. It’s been a while since we could be together.”

“It has. Oh, how is your body? Do you need any updates? I can do them right now since you’re here.”

“I’m alright. Mr. Azul is a fast learner and has been giving me updates.”

“Wow…he’s really smart if he’s able to learn that quickly.”

“But I might need a new update since I haven’t had one in a while.”

“Alright. Finish up your drink and we can go.”

     Ortho nods and happily spends some ore time with his brother. The two spent some time talking and catching up. Ortho shared what’s been happening at Ignihyde and how he is sort of like Azul’s mentor. Azul was a fast learner and picked up technological terminology in a heartbeat. Once Ortho finished his drink, the brothers got up and went to “Idia’s” room. He connected Ortho to his computer and began the upgrade. Once finished, the two stayed together some more.

“What’s going on with you and Ashengrotto?” Idia asked curiously.

“He’s great. He’s like an honorary big brother. Although, I’m getting a little concerned.”

“How so?”

“I feel like he’s looking into hacking because I saw him reading about it and asking other around about how to do it.”

“He’s…looking into hacking?” That concerned Idia a lot, and it seemed to be worrying Ortho as well.

“He said something about it helping him with future contracts. Something about gacha pulls.”

     That’s when something clicked within Idia.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Jamil looked up at the castle that was Diasomnia’s dorm. He took a deep breath and entered the dorm. As he walked through the halls, he kept on getting stares from the tenants. After all, not many others have the courage to venture into Diasomnia for any reason or no reason at all. He found into Sebek and approached him.

“Excuse me.”

“Hm? Oh, you’re Jamil Viper from Scarabia. Are you here to see Kalim?”

“Yes. I am rather concerned about the situation and wish to check on Kalim.”

“You and me both.” Sebek sighs. “The only thing Silver is concerned with is how this all happened. Well, anyway, follow me. I’ll take you to him.”

“Thank you.”

     It was a rather role reversal from the Entrance Ceremony, but Sebek wasn’t going to say anything. They traveled up many flights of stairs and to the tallest tower in the dorm. Sebek knocked on the door.

“Dorm Leader Kalim? It’s Sebek. There’s someone here to see you.”

“Come in!”

     Sebek opened the door, letting Jamil in first. There, Kalim sitting at the desk and was struggling to do his homework. He looked up to see who was here and smiled brightly. She got up and ran over to the duo, immediately hugging Jamil.

“JAMIL!”

“WHOA! Do not jump at me so suddenly!”

“I missed you so much!”

“But we see each other at school and in class all the time.”

“It’s not the same! I don’t get to see you outside of school! I’m so lonely here! Sebek and Silver are so distant and Lilia is hardly around with me like you always were.”

“I am loyal to the Young Master. I’m not gonna coddle you.” Sebek interrupted.

“I just want company…” Kalim pouted. Jamil sighs, knowing fully well that Kalim’s clinginess is due to him babying him this whole time. Once this is all over, he’ll have to change that. “So, Jamil, what are you doing here? I didn’t here a word that you were coming.”

“The vice dorm leaders decided to check on our former leaders to see how they were doing.”

“Oh yeah? OH! You should come to the feast tonight!”

“What?” Jamil blanked. Did Kalim just say there was going to be a feast?

“I’ve invited the others to come too! We’ve got a big spread coming tonight!”

“What’s happening here?” Jamil looked over at Sebek, wanting an explanation.

“Dorm leader Kalim has been throwing parties rather frequently. Actually, he threw a feast the day he became our new dorm leader. It was really…interesting. But he single handedly got everyone to party in roughly 1 hour.” That was rather shocking to Jamil.

“Wait, did you say others were coming?”

“Yeah! I invited the other dorms! Ruggie is really excited and so is Vil-senpai!”

‘Probably only to get out of the drylands…’ Jamil thought to himself.

“Plus, I think this is a good chance to let others into Diasomnia and let them know that we aren’t so bad. It’s just because of the categorization of them being powerful and good at magic that make them scary. Everyone is really nice. A little distant, but they’re really nice. I wanted the other dorms to know that too!”

     Jamil was rather impressed. Kalim was actually trying to close the distance between Diasomnia and the other dorms. Perhaps Kalim was smarter than he thought.

“Since you’re here, could you help me with my Alchemy homework?”

     Or maybe not.

[gloves94]

Sunburn [Prince Zuko] 5

Warnings: None   Rating: PG-13   Pairings: Zuko/OC   Summary:  “You have everything you’ve ever wanted.” “No.” He said softly. “Not everything…”  His golden eyes looked at her with a melting intensity she had never witnessed before. “I guess not.” She responded with glassy eyes as tears welled up threatening to break the dam of her eyes.

My fanfiction: M A S T E R L I S T

"Admiral Zhao is not allowing ships in or out of this area." A soldier from Commander Zhao's fleet had stepped into Team Zuko's. He had basically barged in an demanded that the prince hand over all information in regards of the Avatar. And here Iroh the ever optimistic thought they were here for a game of Pai Sho.

"I've got nothing to report to Zhao," Zuko stated coldly as he looked at the floor and then glared at the soldiers that stood before him. "Now off my ship!" He roared casting Tsai to jump slightly as he pointed them out.

'Who is this Zhao?'

Tsai knew that it wasn't hard to get under Zuko's skin, but there was something about this man that seemed to really irritate him. Or maybe it was the fact they had been sailing northeast without a single sighting in the past couple of days. Not knowing much about the war or its generals or commanders she remained clueless to his man's identity, but would he would he have to crawl over her dead body if she was just going to let somebody take her destiny of bringing peace to the Fire Nation world. Approaching the table she read over a wanted poster that some of the soldiers were looking at.

"It says here that the Avatar can create tornadoes and run faster than the wind," one of the soldiers read aloud in awe. "Pretty amazing!" Another said.

Tsai blinked twice taken aback when an image of a boy no older than twelve which was painted on the poster. He was just a child, a bald child with eager eyes and a tattooed arrow pointing down the middle of his forehead. "But he's just a child," she gaped in surprise. All this time she had been imagining a very old man. But if he was a child- why on Earth hadn't Zuko been able to capture him?

She didn't know much about air benders. No one did, after all they had been extinct for the past one hundred years. Part of her wished the ship had a library where she could research information about the Avatar, but wait maybe there was something she could do...

"Tsai, care to join us for a game of Pai Sho? I think they are getting better," Iroh called. "I'll pass for now. I have to write to my family," it wasn't a complete lie. "Good luck gentleman," she smiled sweetly at the men making some of them swoon.

Xxx

'Brother,

I hope you are well. I know I have been gone less than a week. I hope you don't miss me too much. I also wish I could tell you where I am, but it is hard to pin point. We are presently sailing northwest hot on the Avatar's trail. Can you believe it?

Iroh has been a most gracious host. I enjoy spending time with him, he really reminds me of grandpa, and the prince well- tell mother not to get too excited, but he does have some redeeming qualities (and a terrible temper as well).

Mecha, I need to ask you yet another favor. Please send me all information you might have on air benders or air bending. Turns out the Avatar is only a child! A slippery one that is if he's had Prince Zuko chasing him all over the world with no success.

Lots of love to the family,

- Your Sister Tsai'

Tsai came down from the commander tower after having sent out a fire hawk home to her brother. Coming down she encountered a fire show of the prince angrily kicking and punching bold strokes of dangerous fire in all directions. He even appeared to be radiating anger.

"Hey, you O.K.?" She found herself asking once again. She put her hands on her waist as she eyed him carefully barely dodging a fire blast which headed in her direction. Part of her suspected that had not been an accident. He wore a maroon training tunic that showed off his toned arms.

"Perfectly fine," he grumbled. Obviously not pleased. "Is it because of that man Zhao?" She pressed on. "We can't give up yet! We can still find the Avatar before him," she said in a determined tone. "We?"He scoffed incredulously.

As far as he knew Tsai brought nothing to table except for maybe tea and Pai Sho. She nodded holding a fist to her chest a determined glint in her honey brown eyes. "I know we can do it!"

"She's right Prince Zuko," Iroh suddenly appeared. "I was becoming worried when you hadn't ordered your men in the past hour."

"How? With Zhao's resources, it's just a matter of time before he captures the Avatar," he stated upset. He turned and lowered his voice into almost a whisper, "My honor, my throne, my country... I'm about to lose them all." A somber gust of wind passed by.

Seeing him like this. Seeing anybody like this broke the girl's mushy heart. She looked at him sadly.

"But you have something Zhao doesn't have!" She said animatedly.

Both Iroh and Zuko turned to look at her with expecting eyes. "Something worth fighting for!"

His fists clenched at his sides in fury. "That's absolutely useless!" He roared in frustration. She flinched a little at his tone. I mean she was only trying to help...

"Prince Zuko, a word from Zhao's men. Apparently the Admiral has the Avatar on his compound grounds."

Tsai closed her eyes not wanting to witness the volcano that was about to explode in front of her. 'Talk about bad timing.' Her hair was whipped wildly by several heat waves.

Shutting her eyes even tighter she set her mind to it, she was determined to do something about this. If Zhao had the Avatar that meant that the odds of her having a chance at achieving her grandfather's dream would be destroyed.

Xxx

It was already the evening. Zuko braced himself for the battle that he would encounter tonight. He put his twin blades on his back and shed his princely identity becoming a Blue Spirit of the night. He was ready to sneak out when a gentle knock made him freeze on the spot.

"H-Hey," a voice said softly.

It was Tsai.

"I'm really sorry about today. Just know I'm going to try my best to help out more from now on. I understand if you're still upset. Well, have a good night then." He hadn't realized that he had been holding his breath all of this time. He slowly released it when he heard her foot steps trail off.

Meanwhile Tsai tip toed around the ship until she reached the deck where some of the soldier's were currently lounging keeping their night guard.

"Gentleman," she coed in a soft voice.

Their jaws dropped at the sight. One wolf whistled inappropriately. They were basically salivating at the sight of the lady before them. Her eyes were coated with cleverly applied dark make up, more than she usually wore. Perfect for an evening look. Her lips were rogue and her features had been professionally contoured. Crimson hair cascaded down her back in full waves. "Anybody feel like taking me ashore?" She popped her hip to the side dramatically batting her eyelashes.

A few moments later Tsai was ashore standing outside the gates of the Pohuai Stronghold  She noted the way it was heavily armed and had no trouble batting her eyelashes getting inside. One of the few advantages of war was that these men hadn't seen a woman in ages.

xxx

"Tell me, how does it feel to be the only airbender left?" Zhao taunted the Avatar as he rounded him in a chamber. "Do you miss your people?" He pressed on leaning maliciously close towards the boy.

Taking in a massive breath the Avatar blew the man hard against the metal door making him lose his balance and ungracefully fall on his face. "Blow all the wind you want. Your situation is futile. There is no escaping this fortress and nobodyis coming to rescue you." He scowled.

"Admiral Zhao," a soldier suddenly entered the chamber. "You better come quick Sir." he urged, "Y-You've got an important guest," he adjusted his helmet his face slightly turning scarlet.

Zhao raised an eyebrow with intrigue. He had not been expecting anybody. Could it have been that Fire Lord Ozai had sent a personal gift to him? He ran a hand through his hair combing it down in a narcissistic matter.

Xxx

Tsai had been brought to a waiting room which wasn't nearly as elegant as the one in her home. She sat comfortably with a relaxed expression on her features, her poise and feet had been placed in a strategic way which she knew highlighted her best features. (She had also stuffed her bra with two apples although she would never confess that to anyone). She wore a flattering emerald green kimono dress that fit her in all the right places a jade butterfly clip held half of her hair up elegantly.

"I wasn't expecting any company tonight." A man whom Tsai assumed to be Admiral Zhao walked in. He air of arrogance seemed to follow him. He was a middle-aged military man with dark gray hair and sharp sideburns that made his features appear more angular. A smug smirk twisted on his lips. "Ms. Haru of Hu Xin," his eyes scanned her body tracing every curve and inch of her visible skin.

"I had heard tales of the man, the myth, the legend-"

Tsai almost threw up in her mouth. She could not believe she had just said that. It was official she had been reading way too many cheesy plays. As disgusting as this was, she had a plan, and a part to play if she wanted to succeed. She rose to her feet slightly draping one of the sleeves down to display a bare shoulder. "Had to come see it myself. Meet the infamous Admiral Zhao." She spoke as she rounded him. His eyes followed her, enjoying every minute of having his ego stroked. "Congrats on the promotion," she spoke lowly in an attempt to sound both older and more mature. How old was he anyways?

"How old are you Haru?" He said with an edge of suspicion raising up an eyebrow. "Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to ask a lady for her age?" She let out a throaty chuckle as she flirted. "I'm almost twenty," she lied with skill tossing him back a look.

Tsai lied through her teeth the entire night. She had managed to convince a high ranking military officer, an admiral, that she was around town visiting her cousin and upon hearing the news that the now 'famed' admiral was in town, well she just had to visit. It was such an absurd lie and Zhao appeared to be such an ego maniac that he totally ate it up. The two were currently sitting on one of the sofa seats. Both were drinking some wine that the admiral had been reserving for a special occasion. With every minute that passed he inched closer and closer to her wanting more than just hand holding or gentle strokes. Tsai's ruse was beginning to collapse. She had to get out of here and fast. She chuckled nervously as the man stroked her waist and slowly inched his hand lower and lower. He was also leaning in closer-

"Ah-I'm-Um.. I need to use the restroom!" She declared jumping to her feet. The Admiral collapsed on the sofa and turned to look at her with an elbow propped holding his head up. "Don't be long," he purred.

Knowing him he probably found his intimidation to be 'endearing' or something twisted amongst those lines.

The girl tiptoed out in to the hallway and let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding once she was out of his sight. Great- now she had to find the Avatar. If she was Zhao were would he keep the Avatar? Probably close by, tall in this tower. She rushed up the stairs running as fast as she could. She really had no time to waste.

Xxx

The Blue Spirit had successfully infiltrated Zhao's compound base. He snuck in floor by floor until he reached the top of the tower. However, he was surprised when he did not encounter any soldiers. Only evidence of a conflict. Abandoned helmets rolled down the empty hallways. Marks of conflicts, stains of blood and slashes had scarred the walls of the military compound.

There was also water in the floor and a wooden bucket which had been smashed to bits and pieces.

'Just- what happened here?' Zuko thought to himself. His eyes narrowed in suspicion. Somebody had beat him to it. There was somebody else here.

xxx

Aang heard what sounded like punched being thrown followed by painful screams. He brazed himself and kept his eyes focused on the steel door that was across from him. It was then that the door opened and a beautiful woman walked in. She exhaled sharply quickly running her hands through her wavy red colored hair combing it back into place. His jaw dropped as she ran towards him. Her emerald dressing robes fluttering behind as she did.

"There's no time," she stood before him and upon closeness Aang realized she was only a teenager. One in a very poor disguise. "Who are y-" He began to ask. "No time," she hissed glaring and pulled an apple from the inside of her robe slamming it against his open mouth silencing him. She appeared to be picking at the locks with the back of her hair pin. It was then that the door behind the two was once again shut.

xxx

Both Aang and Tsai couldn't believe what they were seeing an individual wearing black with a Blue Spirit theater mask entered the room. Aang bit the apple hard the fruit collapsing on the floor as he swallowed almost choking on the piece of apple.

Xxx

Zuko blinked twice, shook to his core. He was thankful for the mask for it hid his expression of shock and disbelief. Was he hallucinating?

'How had- there was no way- but- it had to be.'

Pulling out his twin blades be began an elaborate display of mastery over the blades. The Avatar let out a loud scream. The lady wearing the emerald dress kimono stood before him pushing him behind, shielding him with her body.

"Shh!!" She hissed as the Avatar screeched for his life. The masked individual came closer and evenly sliced the Avatar's hand restrains. Aang felt his arms drop as the blood rush back to them. The Avatar and his lovely savior looked at the masked individual in shock.

Xxx

Zuko stood mere inches away from her. Now he was more certain than ever. It was most definitely her. It was Tsai and she appeared to be wearing some type of disguise. Regardless, she looked-

He shook his head. He snapped back to reality realizing that both his uncle's royal guest and the Avatar were starring at him with their eyes the size of golf balls. He lowered his weapons also freeing the Avatar's feet. Tsai and Aang exchanged a look as Zuko walked towards the door. "What's going on?"

The red-headed beauty slowly walked over to the Blue Spirit. Her light brown eyes were focused on him. Friend or foe? She measured her opponent. There was something familiar about his stance, about his posture, something that she couldn't put her finger on.

It was impossible. Zuko remained in shock. Not a single hair out of place, her clothes remained impeccable with no signs of struggle. He looked at her hands both resting at her sides without a weapon.

Also- how on Earth had she even gotten of the ship?

"I think he's here to save you," she spoke after making a decision. Sticking a hand into her dress she pulled out an apple from her chest, her expression serious. "Listen here," She reached for the spirit's dark shirt and fisted it pulling the mask close to her face. She paused for a moment attempting to catch a glimpse of any notable feature underneath the mask. "I have important things to do, places to be-" she hissed out. Her grip becoming tighter.

Zuko had never seen her like this, had never seen her eyes hold such darkness in them.

"I'm entrusting you with the Avatar Blue Spirit and I've got news for you. If anything happens to him. If there is a scratch on his bald head, a broken limb, if any harm comes to him-" Her hand trembled slightly before the apple she had been holding in her hand was crushed into a juice mash just with her grip strength. The message was loud and clear. "Got that?" She finished menacingly before letting go pushing the masked individual slightly.

"Wait!" Aang called out. "Who are you?!"

It was too late. She was gone.

xxxxx

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CHAPTER MASTERLIST

[thewebcomicsreview]

What’s that? I’m talking about Homestuck too much lately? Well, too bad, it updated and I’m-a livebloggin’ it. This chapter contains a content warning for child abuse and I’m thus putting the rest of this post below a Read More, though I’m live blogging and don’t know what the child abuse content actually is. 

Looks like we’re with Jane, so this might be the chapter with Yiffy in it! But probably not, because they’re gonna drag it out. Incidentally, since the rebellion consists of two max-level characters, four god tiers (John, Jake, Rose, and Jade), and now Vriska who is the 8est fighter 8y far, how does Jane even stand a chance? Good thing for her that she pre-emptively took a hostage! 

JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.) JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I do like that Jane, a genocidal human-supremacist dictator, is worried about being “inclusive” in her propaganda. I wonder if she’s starting to drift from Trumphitler into Nancy Pelosi, now. Also interesting: She’s apparently using Gamzee’s death for propaganda value, cool and all, but her superpower is literally raising the dead. I can buy that Jane would rather use her ex-boyfriend for propaganda than revive him, but won’t the people of Earth C have questions? 

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

I realize that Yiffygate made the patreon rocket to the stratosphere, but I hope we’re not actually getting to see her so soon. It’s more fun to speculate. For instance, she’s apparently getting meals in a dog bowl. Is that because she’s literally half dog, moreso than Jade, and is feral in some way? That’s been hinted at a little, but it’s also possible Jane’s just tormenting her to be a bitch. As we saw when she was Crockerfied in Act 6, Jane’s got a bit of a sadistic streak in her.

Well, that was answered pretty fucking fast! Okay, let’s not click next just yet. If we’re only getting one panel to speculate, let’s milk it like a dying webcomic franchise: Preppy bording school outfit, but with cleats, so she’s apparently an athlete. Lots of pink highlights on her outfit (shoes/socks/tie). She’s got a black dog tail, but appears to have light hair? I like this design, actually, or what little of it we’re seeing. I was half-expecting Yiffy to be a full-on Deviantart parody, but I think the angle we’re going here is “a mostly normal girl, besides being part dog, who’s just been absolutely shit on by life and every adult she’s ever encountered”. It’s not her fault her name is Yiffany, y’know? She didn’t ask for this. 

Let’s see how right I am.

JANE: Well, go on then. JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

The fact that this chapter had a content warning for child abuse makes this read a lot more “Yikes” than it might’ve otherwise.

DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)

I feel like this is actually worse than if Jane put the food in a dog bowl to torment Yiffy.

I told you we’d fall in love with her. I told you dog.

....I don’t know if the MSPA art style lends itself to slightly raised camera angles like this, it looks like Yiffy’s face is 50% forehead. 

*Lore hat on*

Okay, first off, dick move electrocuting a child. That out of the way. Yiffy is communicating in wolf howls (she must be a big fan of Toast, from my webcomic Saffron and Sage!), but she’s also literally being electrocuted so lets cut her some slack. What’s more interesting is that her Awoos are in red. 

Vrissy shares a font color with Vriska, who she’s trying to emulate. They even use the same CSS class in the site code. Tavros shares his with Gamzee, his abusive uncle (and doesn’t have the same CSS class). Harry Anderson has a unique font color that’s pretty close to his dad’s, but isn’t quite the same (possible to make Harry/John chats more readable, whereas Vriska and Vrissy being hard to distinguish is the joke?). Yiffy, however, does not speak in either Jade’s green or Rose’s purple, she speaks in red. It’s a unique shade of red, I checked, and while it could potentially be in reference to Dave, let’s get real

Obviously, she’s the new Handmaid. This was obvious enough that I was making that comparison even before we learned her red text and rebellious personality. So I’m starting to see what they’re going for here (and, god help me, I’m starting to come around to Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley as a concept). She’s not a one-dimensional joke of a character, she’s just a normal girl having a fucking rough time of it right now and also always. Speaking of time, red is connected to the Time aspect, which isn’t confirmation of anything but a little note to put in the back of your pocket.

Also to put in your back pocket, Jane’s the new Condesce and Yiffy’s the new Handmaid. The Condesce killed the Handmaid. 

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over.

That’s some efficient expositing! 

Man, I really am coming around to this Yiffy thing, holy shit. I actually think her reveal last chapter was actively designed to get fans to hate the concept as much as possible, and not just from a Controversy Creates Ca$h kind of way (though that didn’t hurt).The entire fandom has been calling Yiffy a disgusting mistake for three weeks, and now here’s Jane doing it, and we’re being asked to consider this from Yiffy’s perspective: Given a stupid name as a joke, shunted off to boarding school by parents who were ashamed of her existence, repeatedly told she’s a disgusting mistake and tortured, even the fans all hate her on sight, and she literally hasn’t said a word yet! That’s....legitimately pretty cool writing, right there. A deft and entirely intentional juking of the fandom’s emotional state to get us to hate a character conceptually so that now when the comic’s trying to get us to sympathize with her it’s an easier sell because we feel a bit guilty. I dig it. Shit like this is why I still read Homestuck, it can be very clever at times, even now.

(Pierced ears, in case the punky aesthetic wasn’t obvious). Also, the page with a gif of everything going dark as Yiffy passes out has a black background, which is a nice touch.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Then we cut to a chatlog (with the all-black background, which is just really nice here at selling the mood), and even Vrissy doesn’t want to talk about Yiffany.

AG: It was Cute, 8lright???????? AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.

She’s “vomit-worthy”

I think the update that introduced the Candy Kids was the most enjoyable, but this was, by miles, the best thing to come out of the Homestuck EU. It completely redeemed everything this comic did with Yiffy so far and made it all work. And this black-background-no-image gimmick, while simple, was shockingly effective at conveying the lonely empty mood they were going for (admittedly it probably helped that I was already listening to spooky music), and it’s something Homestuck had never done. This was....

This chapter was great. This was Act 5 great. Like, it’s literally just beating up a child for a whole chapter, but in terms of getting the emotional response they wanted, this is Homestuck at its absolute best. It wasn’t just “here’s a cute girl, let’s beat her up a bit for sympathy”, all the stuff in the last chapter, infuriating the fandom like nothing I’ve seen in webcomics in years, Jade’s dog dick, it was all for this. It was all to get us predisposed to fucking hate Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley so that they could flip the switch and make us love her, make the very fact that we hated her so much part of the reason we love her now. No other webcomic would do that, no other webcomic would have the balls to do that. This is why I read Homestuck, this is why I’m still hanging on to this rock has the wave of cheating dog dicks keeps smacking me in the face. This is avant-fucking-garde, man. I’ve done a full 180 on Homestuck 2. I’m sold. I stan. I’m Homestuck trash again. 

EDIT

Oh, and Vrissy suddenly passed out mid-sentence right around the same time Yiffy passed out (hmmm!), and apparently she’s narcoleptic like Jade (hmmm!)

[amphtaminedreams]

Filling the Met Shaped Hole (No, Not Like That): The Best Red Carpet Looks of Awards Season 2020

Hi to anyone reading,

I want to jump straight into things and ask a question. Which is the best Met Gala theme of the last 5 years and why is it Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination?

Seriously though, despite the fact that I’m not sure anything will top Heavenly Bodies with the preceding and succeeding Met Galas being relatively disappointing (the camp theme definitely could have been taken further and lets not even talk about the Comme Des Garcons disaster), I still get excited for the gala every year, staying up til whatever hour of the morning so I can see all the fashion live. Of course, it makes complete sense that this year’s event has been postponed until October given the circumstances but the chosen theme of Fashion and Duration had the potential to be quite interesting, so I hope we do eventually get to see it; whilst I don’t miss endlessly scrolling through photos of every white male celebrity wearing the exact same suit and tie to the point where fangirls claim Harry Styles to be a pioneer of breaking gender norms because he wore a pink top, I long for the days where we could all temporarily coexist in peace and harmony thanks to the internet’s collective dragging of the Kardashians for paying no attention to the theme whatsoever. We should’ve guessed life as we know it was about to be flipped on its head when they actually turned up in something interesting last year.

What I’m trying to say is that I would love nothing more than to jump back in time to when tomorrow morning’s top Google search would be best Met Gala looks, and not how many lives did Boris Johnson’s fuckery cost us today. So in honour of the lack of trivial content, I thought I’d fill the Met shaped hole in our lives (amongst many other unfilled holes; today the freezer door at work hit me on the ass whilst I was putting ice cubes out and I think for a split second I got all flushed) by putting together a collection of my personal favourite red carpet looks from this year’s awards season and their respective afterparties: the BAFTAs, Brits, Critic’s Choice Awards, Golden Globes, Oscars, SAG Awards, and the Grammys to finish with.

Enjoy!

British Academy of Film and Television Arts Award (yes, that’s the BAFTAs but I needed a longer title)

(L-R: Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy, and Scarlett Johansson in Versace)

I am a British fan of television and arts but I will gladly say it: of all the awards ceremonies, the BAFTAs is hardly the most exciting, and the red carpet even less so. As I said, lots of boring men in boring suits and middle aged women being dressed by stylists who seem to think we’re dead from the neck down by the time we hit 40 and dress us accordingly so. Any hint of a décolletage explicitly forbidden.

There were a few good looks, however. From left to right, above we have Zoe Kravitz in Dior, Rooney Mara in Givenchy and Scarlett Johansson in Versace, who looks so amazing I almost forget that 1). Versace is going down the drain and 2). Scarlett Johansson would stand in front of a forest and take the role of a tree if she could. Which, along with her whole defence of Woody Allen, is really shit-she’s genuinely great in Marriage Story and an otherwise talented actress. As for Zoe Kravitz, she is up there with Robert Pattison as one of my biggest crushes right now and looks amazing in literally everything she wears, and Rooney Mara is consistently low-key yet elegantly dressed. 

(L-R: Greta Gerwig in Gucci, Florence Pugh in Dries Van Noten, Renee Zellweger in Prada)

Renee Zellweger proved an exception to the rule when it came to women over the age of 40 generally having clueless stylists-her dress is beautiful, very reminiscent of the delicate, demure beauty of 50s icons such as Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn. Florence’s dress, I actually really loved. It didn’t seem to go down all too well with actual Florence Pugh fans but red and pink together is an elite combo; I’m still firmly on the “surprised that it works but I’m into it” train. I mainly included Greta’s dress for the green velvet, to be honest; it’s disappointingly low-key for Gucci but nice enough all the same.

(L-R: Andrew Scott in Paul Smith, Charlize Theron in Dior, Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta, and Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli)

I was particularly excited to see Emilia Clarke in Schiaparelli-yes, I adore her because she played Daenerys Targaryen and I was ride or die for that bitch but also whenever I see her interviewed she has the most exuberant energy and honestly I want to be best friends. It’s not the most interesting dress Schiaparelli has ever put out there, but I like the fact that she went for something unique all the same.

Forest green is a colour I find hard to resist which is why I included Andrew Scott’s otherwise kinda basic suit (points for it being velvet) and Daisy Ridley in Oscar de la Renta. As elegant as the dress is, I would love for her stylist to have really leaned into the forest nymph vibes I’m getting and do something a bit less uptight with the hair and makeup; like imagine loose curls with tiny braids and hair rings and a dark lip and a slight smoke around the eye and...yes, I have very specific visions, I know. As for Charlize Theron, her work with Dior is the only reason I care about the brand; there’s definitely a case to be made here for giving Maria Grazia the benefit of the doubt, assuming that she tries all the prototypes on women who look like Charlize and that that’s why she’s happy to send dresses that are otherwise relatively underwhelming down the runway. 

The Brit Awards

(L-R: Charli XCX in Fendi, Ellie Goulding in Koche, Hailee Steinfeld in Fendi, and Harry Styles in Gucci)

In my opinion a much better reflection of quintessential British style than the BAFTAs, I originally ruled out including any music award ceremony red carpets in this post until I saw Maya Jama and Charli XCX’s looks. Consider me pleasantly surprised by Hailee Steinfeld’s cobalt blue burnout dress, a classic incarnation of the regal bohemian aesthetic Fendi channelled in their 2019 haute couture show. Plus Charli’s emo take on Glinda the Good Witch is also Fendi, driving home for me just how much I love their collections. I don’t know if I’d be sure about Ellie Goulding’s dress on the rack but the simple styling makes it work and she looks gorgeous, and Harry Styles looks just as pretty in a Gucci look that is MADE for him.

(L-R: Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood, Celeste in Gucci on the far right! I’m not sure who the guy in the middle is, I’m sorry and if anybody knows drop me a message and I will correct this immediately!)

Unfortunately, Harry Styles and Celeste didn’t get to pose together because this is really a perfect his and hers Gucci look; I feel like seeing one outfit next to the other would really highlight the quirky elegance of each. That being said, it feels criminal to talk about elegance without including Adwoah Aboah in Vivienne Westwood in the sentence; the dress is obviously stunning quality on its own merit, but Adwoah is what elevates it from unremarkable to ethereal. Fuck the weird ass knight figure that’s currently on top of the Brit Award, this woman is the definition of statuesque! Put her on top of the trophy you cowards!

And just to get it out of the way, when it comes to the guy in the middle, to quote Keke Palmer:

Sorry to this man.

Honestly, I saved all the red carpet photos from a Nylon (I think it was Nylon?) article back when the awards aired and towards the end of the photos they stopped including names-this happened a few times when I was looking through red carpet galleries. I reverse image searched where I could but not every photo turned anything up. If anyone does know who this man is, message me so I can include his name. He looks sick, and as far as suits go, this one is built upon and accessorised enough that it’s actually a look rather than the same old variation of a suit we’ve seen a million times before that may as well be the straight man’s designated red carpet uniform. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Neh Neh Cherry in Bottega Veneta, Laura Whitmore)

And now the woman that forced me to include the Brits red carpet in this post in the first place: Maya Jama. Don’t get me wrong, my mind isn’t blown by this dress on its own, I probably prefer Laura Whitmore’s (Jaded do a similar newspaper dress and I’ve resisted adding it to my basket for 6 months now, this is the ultimate test of whether or not I finally cave), but Maya looks fucking MAGNIFICENT. The fit, the gloves, the confidence with which she carries it, it’s all SO good. Considering the timing, this is basically her Princess Diana revenge dress levelled up, 2020′s Jessica Rabbit moment. 

(L-R: Maya Jama, Ellie Goulding, Kendall Jenner)

Obviously anything is gonna be a step down from the red carpet look but Maya’s Brits afterparty outfit was cute too, if a tad Pretty Little Thing. 

Don’t ask me what Kendall Jenner was doing at the Brits afterparty btw, because I have no idea. We live in a world where the Kardashian-Jenners just seem to occupy every public space possible and I’ve begrudgingly accepted it at this point. I don’t have the energy to question it-and it helps that green catsuit is actually Very Cool™. 

For the last of my favourite Brit Awards looks, we have a few more afterparty photos-from left to right we have Charli XCX again, Lizzo, and Anne Marie. It was Charli posting her dress on Instagram that sent me searching for afterparty looks in the first place; apparently wearing nothing but feathers and crystals is something that appeals to me, and the more I read that statement, the more it sounds spot-on. I’d categorise it as gothic glamour hoe, and slot it in with the rest of the night-out clothes in my wardrobe that I think I’ll finally have the balls to wear out of sheer desperation once this lockdown is over. The Blossom to Charli XCX’s Buttercup here, we’ve also got Anne Marie looking extra AF and I loveeeee it; it’s an ensemble somewhere between a high-end version of Alaska Thunderfuck’s candyfloss Sugar Ball dress from season 5 of Drag Race (Alaska DID deserve to win AS2 nation, rise up) and a low-key version of a Katy Perry California Dreams Tour costume. I don’t call it low-key as a drag, just a regretful admission of the fact that maybe wearing a cupcake bra which squirts whipped cream out of the boobs is a bit too much for most of us. 

Critic’s Choice Awards

(L-R: Alison Brie in Brandon Maxwell, Chloe Bridges in Azeeza, Cynthia Erivo in Fendi, Florence Pugh in Prada)

I was going to say the Critic’s Choice Awards is kind of America’s version of the BAFTAs but then I remembered that the BAFTAs is really the only big TV and film awards ceremony we have here in the UK and that it’s kind of sad that I have to compare our most high-profile red carpet of the year to L.A’s most low-key one. Getting Cynthia Erivo and Florence Pugh to infiltrate is the best we can do. 

THAT BEING SAID! 

They both look amazing. This is Florence’s best red carpet look of this year, imo (she the prettiest icicle I’ve ever seen), and Cynthia Erivo’s arm must ache from serving the entire awards season. And in Fendi! Taste!

Side note before we move onto the next set of looks: has anybody else watched Alison Brie in Mad Men and Community simultaneously and experienced the extreme cognitive dissonance that comes from watching her play a tragically nerdy (relatable tbh) 18 year old and an overly-sophisticated 30 something married to an ad man in the 60s at the same time? Weird, but anyway! The orange dress with the red lipstick is channelling Marina Diamandis’ Froot era style subtle sex appeal and is a timeless, playful combo. Put the hair up into a beehive and it’s Megan Draper on a date in Cabo-don’t know much about the place but I know the sea is aqua and the sun seekers are blindingly white and the cocktails are plentiful (and whatever colour you want them to be), and all that together is a juicy palette if we’re talking cinematography. The Mad Men directors are out there somewhere shaking their fists at the sky that they never got to consult me on that, I’m sure. 

(L-R: Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Erdem and Zendaya in Tom Ford)

Zendaya’s red carpet look was the stand out of the Critic’s Choice Awards for sure; the skirt I can do without but I hope that hot pink metal breastplate ends up on display somewhere because that is ART, and she is the perfect person to wear it. The Tiffany Pollard “she's so powerful” meme was made for this moment. 

Also, can we talk about Phoebe Waller-Bridge backing up my Dior 2019 Haute Couture wasn’t *that* bad hypothesis? Because unless I’m mistaken this is one of the dresses from that collection and it is quite beautiful. Yeah, black mesh isn’t going to start a revolution or anything but it’s so delicate looking it almost seems out of place on a red carpet-I don’t know if it’s the structure of the bodice or the tulle but I can totally see this in a gothic ballet, whether that’s sensible in theory or not. Probably not. But then again I did quit ballet when I was 10 after months of getting people to near poke me in the eye on the way out of class so it would look like I’d been crying and I didn’t have to go to my lessons after school. So what do I know? Fuck all, in case that wasn’t clear. I also feel a little vindicated by Saoirse wearing one of the Erdem dresses I loved from last year’s collection-if multi-award winning actress Saoirse Ronan’s probably ridiculously well-paid stylist liked it enough to pick it out for her then I guess I’m doing okay in terms of taste levels.

(L-R: Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab, and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

The last few Critics Choice Awards looks I picked out above aren’t thrilling or anything but they’re cute enough to include-from left to right we have Olivia Wilde in Valentino, Lucy Hale in Miu Miu, Mandy Moore in Elie Saab and Margaret Qualley in Chanel. It’s kind of besides the point, but Margaret worked with Chanel throughout awards season and I just wanted to add my two cents in here and say that I think she’s the perfect person to collaborate with (also think Laura Harrier would be a good match, anyone agree?) and that in a similar vein, I urge Miu Miu, the creative directors of which I’m sure are eagerly awaiting the opinion of irrelevant Tumblr user amphtaminedreams, to work with Lucy Hale more often. I feel like if girl stopped starring in those shitty Blumhouse horrors and did something a bit more sophisticated she’d fit the brand right down to a T.

The Golden Globes

(L-R: Cynthia Erivo in Thom Browne, Dakota Fanning in Dior, Jane Levy in Steven Khalil, and Janina Gavankar in Georges Chakra)

Finally! I hear you cry! A more exciting red carpet! It’s not the Oscars, but celebrity stylists still pulled the big guns for this one, the Golden Globes probably being considered the second most prestigious American awards ceremony of the year. Plus Dakota Fanning was there! Big yay for me! She and Elle can practically do no wrong in my eyes and are probably the only 2 women that could take on Dakota Johnson and Jennifer Lawrence when it comes to established red carpet style. 

Cynthia Erivo did it again, of course, as slick, as dignified and as regal as she was at the Critic’s Choice. The woman really has got this power stance thing locked down; she always seems so cool and confident in everything she wears that the whole getting dressed up to go out out out (we call going to the club going “out out”, but I’d say a red carpet is a slightly bigger deal than my local club with the sticky floors hence the 3rd out) thing looks like second nature.

(L-R: Zoey Deutch in Fendi, Karamo Brown in Grayscale, Lucy Boynton in Louis Vuitton and Kat Graham in Georges Hobeika)

Lucy Boynton was another of my Golden Globes stand outs, and in general is someone who I really look forward to seeing at red carpet events. She (or her stylist, I don’t know how much of a role she plays!) always seems to commit fully to an outfit and sees it as part of a whole concept where the makeup, hair and accessories are equally as important and that is a girl after my own heart. 60s space age empress is the theme here and I’m all about it-well, either that or a feminine editorial take on the tinman from the Wizard of Oz but the former sounds a bit cooler and does way more justice to how good she looks so we’ll go with that. Quick shoutout to Kat Graham too because she looked absolutely radiant. 

(L-R: Shailene Woodley in Balmain, Winnie Harlow in Laquan Smith, and Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent)

The trio above I really couldn’t skim over, Winnie Harlow especially; my America’s Next Top Model grudges aside, she consistently turns it out at every event she’s invited to. She’s another woman that wears pieces with such confidence that they look like they were actually made on her body-even if the garment itself isn’t the most breathtaking in the room, she’s the one that draws my attention. Though she’s got these dainty, other-worldly qualities about her, what you’d expect to be a gentle presence is firm and commanding and whilst the sharp drama and glitz of the dress probably helps, that’s just the way Winnie Harlow is naturally, based on her other red carpet appearances. 

Zoe Kravitz is an interesting one because, on the one hand, her looking amazing with that bone structure (I would trade a vital organ to look like that any day) is a given, but it does also seem like she went out of her way to do something a bit different this past awards season. I have always loved her street style for its trademark edge and the androgynous, oversized silhouettes that she leans towards, and the overt femininity of her red carpet dresses is that grungy, skater girl aesthetic completely flipped on its head. It’s cute, and if anyone can pull a dress as kitschy as this off, it’s Zoe. She’s got that just rolled out of bed look we all dream of that screams “I’m over this shit” whereas the rest of us have to rely on dark circles to get the message across. It’s very weird to think that she and Shailene Woodley were in Divergent together, especially since Zoe in particular has changed so much since. 

My main note with Shailene was just that I got excited to see that Balmain dress off the runway-it was one of my favourites from the S/S 2020 collection (IIRC, mostly on the basis that I’m pretty sure it wan’t haute couture), and it looks good! Not wildly good because I’m not sure the fit of the dress is inherently all that flattering, but still good-she makes it work.

(L-R: Taylor Swift in Etro, Sofia Carson in Giambattista Valli and Scarlett Johansson in Vera Wang)

I know a lot of people online didn’t seem to like Taylor Swift’s dress, but she looks cute, imo. I will say that I’m surprised it’s Etro! At first glance I would’ve thought Carolina Herrera or Oscar de la Renta or something along those lines. And predictably, I think Sofia Carson looks flawless. If you’ve read any of my other posts you’re probably sick of hearing it but I really can’t resist anything that is this modern Disney princess, like powder pink layered tulle? Feathers? What did you expect me to say, ew? I think deep down my clothing preferences will always be that of a 9 year old girl and you know what, that’s okay. Sometimes. Well, when it comes to red carpets. That’s when you can kinda get away with it.

(L-R: Bell Powley in Miu Miu, Billy Porter in Alex Vinash, and Charlize Theron in Dior)

There’s a few things worth mentioning when it comes to the above outfits. Firstly, and most importantly, I need to proclaim my love for Billy Porter. No man is doing it like him, honestly. To compare Harry Styles in his pink suits is unfair. The drama and the beauty and the flair that Billy brings every awards ceremony is on another level and that’s all I have to say about that. If you disagree, I’m gonna need a bullet pointed essay-I am that firm in my opinion.

Second, Bell Powley in Miu Miu semi confirms the direction their PR team tend to head in when choosing women to work with. I might be totally alone here but I feel like she and Lucy Hale both have one of those porcelain doll faces which work really well with Miu Miu’s signature girlish silhouettes and overly-ornate details. 

And thirdly, just to restate my earlier point: someone give Charlize Theron a pat on the back for bringing some life to a Dior design. That is all.

(L-R: Jodie Comer in Mary Katrantzou, Joey King in Schiaparelli and Kaitlyn Dever in Valentino)

All the newcomers really turned it out too, which is a sentence I type through gritted teeth; to call Jodie Comer of My Mad Fat Diary origins a newcomer pains the former depressing 2013 black and white Tumblr user in me, though I suppose to the US audiences uncultured in the ways of British teenage angst Vilanelle is her breakthrough role. And how Vilanelle is this dress too!? It’s bold and it’s attention-grabbing and it’s fun and it is definitely very theatrical female fictional villain that you were inexplicably drawn to as a child before you realised why as an adult-”oh, it’s because she was hot”. 

Joey King in Iris van Herpen was a pleasant surprise too considering that when I first looked through the red carpet photos I only knew her as the girl who was in that shitty Netflix original-having watched her in The Act, I apologise for the dismissal! And I admire the sartorial choice! I adore Iris van Herpen designs but as a short girl, wearing one of her dresses to a red carpet event is a risky decision-I hate to admit it because casting a diverse range of people for shows is something I have come to expect of my favourite brands, but the appeal of a lot of IvH pieces comes from the movement of the garments on standard willowy runway models. Fortunately, the styling is really complementary here, and whilst it can’t be denied that the dress itself does swamp her a bit, I liked that she and her stylist stepped out of the box. 

Kaitlyn Dever’s red carpet look is obviously a lot more typical, but you can't go wrong with a Valentino dress, and this one in particular is so suited to the aura she gives off-it’s young and it’s fun and it’s fresh and the intricate floral print, otherwise muted if not for the spring influenced pops of pink and red, is timelessly pretty.

(L-R: Akwafina in Dior, Saoirse Ronan in Celine, Beanie Feldstein in Oscar de la Renta, and Renee Zellweger in Armani)

Lastly, there was Saoirse Ronan in Celine-one of my highlights of the night; she looked phenomenal, a glacial toned dream, and it was pretty different to what I generally expect to see her in. I might be way off base and in need of a bit of a review of her red carpet style, but I feel like she usually leans more towards pretty than edgy with regards to her styling at these kinds of events and a loose fitting, gun metal glittered slip dress is, imo, the perfect way to hit that previously uncharted midway point between the two.

(L-R: Kate Bosworth in Prabal Gurung, Kathryn Newton in Valentino and Sarah Hyland)

Now onto the afterparty looks, and I’m not gonna lie, they’re usually the highlight of the ceremonies for me; I feel like the initial ceremony is all about looking respectful and maintaining that whole dedicated actor image, whereas it seems the literal point of these showbiz parties is a competition to be the best dressed person in the room. Competition really makes people step their game up, and we always get to see more young talent whose style tends to be more current than that of the people we see on the red carpet. 

I’ve got to say, as annoying as I found her character in The Society, I have to overlook that gut instinct of irritation when I see Kathryn Newton and accept how stunning everything going on here is; honestly, she looks like an angel, and I feel like the team at Valentino must reeeeally like her to put her in that dress.

(L-R: Alexa Demie, Ashley Benson in Georges Hobeika, Maude Apatow and Barbie Ferreira)

Obviously I was super excited to see the Euphoria girls on the red carpet, especially Alexa Demie-she does 90s/early noughties inspired glamour better than anyone else on the young actor scene right now and her personal style and the sass she does so well as Maddy Perez shines through every time. Whilst Barbie Ferreira’s look is more casual and achievable for the rest of us in terms of wearability, it’s just as interesting a take on the same period; the delicate pink makeup, hair and jewellery with the 90s inspired slip dress in light teal is a red carpet take on soft grunge for the ages. As for Ashley Benson, she always looks gorgeous and that’s all I’m gonna say before I get emotional and start going into a rant about how her and Cara Delevigne’s relationship was one of the only good things about this shitshow of a year and how now that they’ve broken up the single flame of hope inside me has been extinguished and how their sex swing is gonna get so lonely with them caught in the middle of an ugly custody battle and-

You get the idea.

(L-R: Storm Reid, Sophia Bush in John Paul Ataker, and Sydney Sweeney)

(L-R: Billie Lourd, Paris Hilton, and Camila Morrone)

The Oscars

(L-R: Charlize Theron in Dior, Cynthia Erivo, and Florence Pugh in Louis Vuitton)

Ah, the Oscars. This is where the big money is really spent, and bad decisions are made-in fairness, this year’s winners were a lot more satisfying than usual and I think all of us felt that Parasite was a well-deserved win. I really thought it was gonna be Once Upon a Time in Hollywood just as a bit of a token gesture to Tarantino considering it’s his 9th film, though undoubtedly his worst of the ones I’ve seen, so I was relieved that this wasn’t the case. That being said, it still pains me to see the horror genre being ignored by the academy-in my mind, Florence is here for her performance in Midsommar just as much as Little Women. 

At the risk of getting repetitive, just assume my opinions on Charlize Theron in Dior here are the same again, that Cynthia Erivo is still bringing goddess energy (this is probably my favourite of her looks), and that against the opinion of the masses, Florence looks divine in this colour. I mean, when I say the masses I just mean the people I follow on Twitter, but still, I just wanted be an excuse to be dramatic so that I could insert a meme.

(L-R: Natalie Portman in Dior, Regina King in Versace, Scarlett Johansson in Oscar de la Renta, and Sandra Oh in Elie Saab)

Once again, Scarlett Johansson’s stylist is doing God’s work; this outfit is everythingggg-the Oscar de la Renta dress is probably my favourite thus far. Like we’re talking angel, but make it fitted and sexy, and I hope you read that in the Tyra Banks voice I intended because 2 memes in a row would rob me of any credibility I’m building as a fashion account and I’m not ready to trash that for bad memes just yet; give it a couple of mental breakdowns and I’ll be there. Natalie Portman’s look was a favourite of mine too, with the cape over the top adding a sophisticated touch to the celestial, slightly bohemian feel of the dress. I initially found the detail of the names embroidered into said cape to be quite moving-in a dream world, directing would be my career of choice and so I really admired the statement-but finding out that Portman herself is the only director hired by her own production company ruined that for me a little bit. Then again, multi-millionaire celebrities making performative gestures for good publicity and not doing all that much to make any real change? Colour me shocked.

(L-R: Beanie Feldstein in Miu Miu, Brie Larson in Celine and Billie Eilish in Chanel)

Now, of all the Miu Miu looks so far, I think Beanie Feldstein definitely got the best one. The intricacy of the embroidery, the silhouette, the old Hollywood stye curls-it’s all so graceful. I’d say this is probably her best look of awards season and she and her stylist did a really great job.

And as for Billie Eilish...Guys...do you think she might be wearing...Chanel...by any chance? I’m not sure.

Seriously though, as far as an oversized tweed suit with the brand’s logo emblazoned all over it goes, I like this look. The acid green roots and the jewellery are what make it for me, adding to the grunginess of the outfit which is interesting against Chanel’s prim and proper aesthetic of the last few years. I know she has good reason for the way she dresses, but I’ve never quite been able to appreciate it-this outfit proves to me that her style doesn't automatically equal ugly and occasionally, she can make it work.

(L-R: Leona Lewis, Colton Haynes, Dita von Teese)

Elton John’s Oscars afterparty being the less exciting of the two big ones in terms of fashion-the other being the Vanity Fair afterparty which I’ll cover in a moment-I thought I’d whizz through it (posturing aside though, I bet Sir Elton’s party was a lot more fun).

(L-R: Chiara Ferragni, Donatella Versace, Bella Thorne)

This is a big statement considering Alexa Demie attended, but I think Chiara’s outfit and overall styling might be my favourite of the partygoers; if they decided to do a live action Barbie film in 2020 minus the PG ratio-because lets be real, she’d be a noughties Paris Hilton type and get up to some SHENANIGANS-this is the look that would become iconic. 

(L-R: Ashley Greene in Off-White, Alexa Demie, Sydney Sweeney, Annalynne McCord)

It was a hard decision to make though: I’m just as into Sydney Sweeney’s interpretation of burlesque come 1950s red carpet Barbie, Ashley Greene’s surprisingly delicate Off-White number, and Alexa’s dress and (as always) impeccable styling. That being said, Chiara’s clearest contender here for the best dressed of the night is Annalynne McCord. I know I'm one to throw similes around but she looks like an ACTUAL Disney princess-the dress is magical and an absolutely flawless fit. She carries it with such grace. I'm truly in love.

(L-R: Tessa Thompson in Versace, Vanessa Hudgens in Vera Wang, SZA)

As for the Vanity Fair Oscars afterparty, there were SO many iconic moments this year. SZA was the definition of the fire emoji, Tessa Thompson’s throwback Versace was the mermaid’s take on BDSM fashion I never knew I need to see, and I’d die to turn up to my graduation ceremony (here’s hoping for a successful attempt at the old uni shebang this time, lol) looking as elegant and simultaneously extra as Vanessa Hudgens did in Vera Wang. I mean, this was before Vanessa went on her dumb Instagram live corona rant because she was upset she couldn’t go to Coachella and I still kinda lived for her, mostly because of moments like this. She’s always been the queen of channelling a more hedonistic, carefree era and this dress is the most refined example of that boho decadence yet. It sounds dramatic to say but the rich purple is such a bold choice considering it’s a a colour we rarely see on the red carpet but now I’ve seen eggplant coloured silk I need it, lol. 

(L-R: Suki Waterhouse in Fendi, Lili Reinhart in Marc Jacobs, Lucy Boynton and Margaret Qualley in Chanel)

Then there was Suki, Lilly, Lucy and Margaret as well who all went full angel mode in some of my favourite runway looks of last summer’s haute couture week; Suki’s Fendi dress and Lili’s Marc Jacobs number were highlights of both their shows and there’s something even more magical about them both when the uniformity of the runway is removed. I also would go on about how much I love Lucy Boynton’s style for the millionth time but I think you get my point.

(L-R: Nicole Richie, Cynthia Erivo, Hunter Schafer, Billie Porter)

The more I look at the photos I saved from the Vanity Fair “red” carpet, the more I come to the firm conclusion that these looks are my favourite as a collective. Along with the elegance and sex appeal of the outfits above, we’ve got all these looks too which are so VIBRANT and fun and experimental. Billie Porter is absolutely majestic and continues his reign as the king of in-your-face, theatrical red carpet style, and Hunter and Cynthia look so radiant. Whilst Nicole’s look isn’t as colourful, she still brought drama with the satin gloves and the smoke lined eyes, and she is definitely ready to step on someone’s neck here.

(L-R: Halima Aden, Ella Balinska in Schiaparelli, Emma Roberts, Ciara)

(L-R: Kiki Layne in Michael Kors, Kim Kardashian in Alexander McQueen, Kylie Jenner in Ralph and Russo, Lashana Lynch in Michael Kors)

(L-R: Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Stella Maxwell, and Sarah Paulson with Holland Taylor)

I’ve got to say, it’s really cool to see Rowan Blanchard in Iris van Herpen too; it’s interesting that as far as I know, she and Joey King were the only ones to wear her this awards season, both being up and coming actresses. It would be a good choice for the brand, probably best known for its futuristic, conceptual aesthetic, to also focus its PR efforts on the young potential inheriting that future. Orrrr it could just be that Rowan, Joey and I have the same (good, lol) taste-not gonna lie, from my experience of stalking her instagram Rowan Blanchard does make some unique fashion choices and her feed is full of bold outfit inspiration.

(L-R: Adriana Lima in Ralph and Russo, Alessandra Ambrosio in Armani, Billie Eilish in Gucci, and Donatella Versace in Versace)

Then there’s Billie Eilish, who is really on another level. This is her second custom made baggy suit of the night, this time Gucci. IMAGINE. Chanel and Gucci making custom pieces to suit your very specific style. Again, though, I really like this; whilst it’s very clearly a Billie outfit, it’s got a level of sophistication, cohesiveness and glamour to it that takes it to that I can admire. 

(L-R: Camila Mendes in Moschino, Barbara Palvin and Dylan Sprouse, and Chiara Ferragni)

Honestly, the Vanity Fair red carpet really belonged to young talent this year, and Camila Mendes in one of my favourite Moschino looks from the Picasso collection really seals it. She could’ve just gone for a basic pretty dress-this isn’t a natural choice-but she really does have the proud, regal look of a woman who knows some man is gonna paint her a portrait that will end up in a famous gallery one day. 

One last thing before I move on, though. How the fuck does Chiara Ferragni get everywhere?! And by that I don’t mean how does she get invited, I had the shock of finding out this woman I followed on Instagram because I liked her outfits and thought she was pretty is a hugely successful businesswoman in Italy long ago. Power to her. She’s a big deal! I get it! I just mean, physically HOW? How do you hit Elton John’s party AND the Vanity Fair party in one night and look this good? God really does have favourites, huh. Well, I guess in this hypothetical scenario where I believe in him anyway. 

The SAG Awards

(L-R: Dakota Fanning in Valentino, Kaitlyn Dever in Ralph Lauren, Scarlett Johansson in Armani, and Zoe Kravitz in Oscar de la Renta)

So, I kinda forgot the SAG awards existed and thought that my post was basically finished before I looked in my folder and saw the one dedicated to this ceremony. My initial reaction was like “oh, this is the shitty Oscars, right?” and I assumed the red carpet would be shit and that I could call it a night-it’s 3:30am, I wish I was calling it a night-but then I looked and saw that I had even more outfit photos saved in that folder than I did for my Oscar dedicated one. Because fuck, I want to to sleep, but the SAG awards had a surprisingly good turn out?! So maybe not as irrelevant a ceremony as I thought? Because Dakota Fanning turned up looking like some divine mythical being again, Scarlett Johansson pulled another incredible look out the bag, Zoe Kravitz was a modernised Audrey Hepburn, and Kaitlyn Dever read my comments about her dress being “timelessly pretty” and said “bitch, you really thought” before showing up looking hot as fuck. Truth be told, I think the SAG awards were first but in this universe where Kaitlyn Dever would pay any attention to my opinion of her outfit do we really care? 

(L-R: America Ferrera, Andrew Scott in Azzaro Couture, Camila Mendes in Ralph and Russo, Caleb McLaughlin )

(L-R: Lupita Nyongo in Louis Vuitton, Lily Allen, Nathalie Emmanuel in Miu Miu, Cynthia Erivo in Schiaparelli)

See, I was going to make a comment above how I took back what I said about Camila Mendes not just going for pretty dresses (which I guess I just did here instead-JUST TO BE CLEAR SHE STILL LOOKS STUNNING) and then I uploaded the next photo set and got distracted by 2 things:

1. How weird it is that British legend Lily Allen, who does not get NEAR enough credit for her smart her songs were might I add, is dating David Harbour AKA. Hopper off Stranger Things!?

2. How mad I still am about Game of Thrones and how dirty the writers did Nathalie Emmanuel (and Emilia Clarke and Lena Heady and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and basically everyone else on that show but that’s another story).

In this same universe where Kaitlyn Dever cares about my opinion can we make the issues I have in the last bullet point not exist? Please?

(L-R: Sophie Turner in Louis Vuitton, Renee Zellweger in Maison Margiela, Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Armani, and Renee Bargh)

(L-R: Gwendoline Christie in Rick Owens, Madeline Brewer in Monique Lhuillier, Kathryn Newton in Valentino, and Lili Reinhart in Miu Miu)

Finishing off the SAG looks, we’ve got the four above. 

Once again, Kathryn Newton was Valentino’s blushing crown jewell; Allie Pressman hate aside, she really is the perfect dressing up doll for the brand. Fresh faced and poised, she has all the elegance and gentle femininity necessary to make floating down the runway as Valentino models do look natural, and Lili Reinhart did an equally good job being a Miu Miu girl. She makes that idiosyncratic cutesy-ness work, all the frills and fragility of a china tea set look easy where I’d just look like I’d been consumed by a charity shop doily. Madeline Brewer did a good job too, helping a Monique Lhuillier design pop in a way that it doesn’t usually. When your hair is bright red and your dress cerulean blue, coral tinted lipstick is a *ahem* choice, buuut in this case it paid off because the result is a look which demanded my attention-ML dresses are reliably pretty, however, they tend to be predictable. Madeline and her styling did a good job subverting that formula. To end the section, though, I feel it’s only fair to save my fave woman til last-probably one of the few people in the world that isn’t a Rick Owens model that can pull off his designs. Ofc, I’m talking about the queen that is Gwendoline Christie. If we’re talking embodying brands, she did justice like nobody else could to the spectacle of Owens’ formidable, out-of-this-world aesthetic. This is her version of the princess moment, and when you’re as striking as she is, nothing less would do. 

At least my girl Brienne of Tarth is thriving<3

The Grammys

(L-R: Ariana Grande in Giambattista Valli, Cardi B in Mugler, and Pia Mia in Julien Macdonald)

TBH, like I said with the Brits, I never planned to do any music award ceremony red carpets, just because I feel like the fashion tends to be more geared towards a younger audience buuuut I’m kinda glad I changed because Ariana looks INCREDIBLE. MESMERISING. TRANSCENDENT. JFC. There’s a reason the photo of her on her Wiki page has been changed to one from this night and it’s because she looks absolutely exquisite, like some kind of moon goddess with an R&B touch which I suppose is kind of her brand? Sometimes I go kind of lukewarm on Giambattista Valli and forget how mystical but at the same time frothy and indulgent and all around luxurious the pieces can be. This is a cupcake of a dress and I want to eat it. Cardi B has become a bit of an unexpected fashion icon and Pia Mia looks as hot-party-girl as ever but I feel to put anyone next to Ariana in this dress seems harsh because she just completely stole the show and I don’t even know if she won any Grammys.

(L-R: Josephine Relli, Gwen Stefani, Jameela Jamil in Georges Chakra, and Chrissy Teigen in Yanina Couture)

Other than Ariana, I’m not gonna lie, there was nothing wildly exciting, BUT I did think there were some beautiful colours out on the runway-plus for all her occasionally bad takes I really like what Jameela Jamil stands for and her style has always been very quirky cool. The electric blue tiled effect with the black mesh underneath kinda reminds me of a peacock, and contrasts wonderfully with the carpet-it’s very reminiscent of her T4 days. She’s one of those people that seems to get aggression directed at her that’s completely disproportionate to whatever it is she’s supposed to have done; sometimes the way she goes about saying things is wrong but the intention behind what she’s saying is usually good. Then again, the internet still despises Chrissy Teigen (in a way that’s kind of excessive considering what we seem to collectively let some people get away with) for a dumb AirPods tweet and I’ve included her too. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT, this time anyway. I just think she looks good!

If I’m going to get controversial about anything, it’ll be Gwen Stefani. She looks stunning, the dress is stunning, and the boots are stunning. The outfit is not my problem! My problem is how she seems not to have aged at all. This woman is 50 years old! That she drank the blood of her Harajuku girls is the only explanation here. Can you imagine if she tried to pull that shit today? She’d get rightly accused of being a culturally appropriating weeb in about 10 seconds flat and we’d have to pretend to stop liking Cool and Hollaback Girl. 

(L-R: Finneas O’Connell in Gucci, Lucky Daye, and Shaun Ross)

(L-R: Tess Holliday, Dua Lipa in Alexander Wang, Tyler the Creator, and Grace Elizabeth in Giuseppe di Morabito)

Back to what I’m supposed to be talking about in this blog post: the fashion. And here, most importantly, Tyler the Creator looking like a cast member of the Grand Budapest Hotel. IDK why. But I love this man.

(L-R: Lil Nas X in Versace, Lizzo in Versace, and Shawn Mendes in Louis Vuitton)

(L-R: Billie Porter, FKA Twigs in Ed Marler, and Swae Lee in Giuseppe Zanotti)

See in general, the men were a lot more interesting on the Grammys red carpet. With the exception of Twigs, Dua and obviously Ariana, the men’s outfits are a lot more memorable; Billie Porter became the most fashionable meme on the internet, for god’s sake. And even when their outfits weren’t extravagant, they were just more interesting, imo, which is a rare occurrence. I didn’t expect Finneas O’Connell to be the writing half of Billie Eilish (the other half being Billie herself) I cared about and yet, in that Gucci blazer, here we are. 

(L-R: Jessie J, Hailee Steinfeld, and Madison Beer)

(L-R: H.E.R, Usher, FKA Twigs, and Matt Shultz)

Of the afterparty looks, my favourites are what we can see of these more casual outfits-I love what F.K.A Twigs and H.E.R are wearing, the headscarf with the leatherjacket on top is in particular very throwback rockabilly, and I’m even into whatever it is Usher’s got on.

(L-R: Olivia O’Brien, Amine, and Alrissa)

(L-R: Salem Mitchell, Machine Gun Kelly, and Sydney Sweeney)

Now, how to round this all up!? How to relate the confusingly persistent but very welcome presence of Sydney Sweeney on, like, ALL these red carpets back to the MET!?

IDEK. It’s been a long year. 

The Met Gala has usually come and gone before we know it, but with everything going on, it’s been the longest January-May I think most of us have ever known. I keep going on about COVID-19 in all my posts now but I have almost forgotten how to write an intro and outro because the pandemic is pretty much consistently on the brain and unless I have something right in front of me to use as a distraction, my mind tends to wander off into a very anxious place. I think, like many others, I feel frustrated and disappointed and angry with the way the situation is being handled by the people who are supposed to protect their citizens, and by how much of a fight some are putting up against measures that are in place to try and save lives. The point of this ramble, I guess, is that whilst we should never forget what’s going on and do the best we can to help prevent the spread of the virus, it’s okay to still care about mundane shit. Was this post one big long distraction for me? Probably. But if there’s something harmless you can do to keep your anxiety at bay, don’t feel bad for doing it. Contrary to popular belief, you can care about more than one thing at once. You can be sad that something you were looking forward to has been cancelled whilst still being sad for the people who are suffering because they’ve lost love ones or who have been forced into precarious living conditions. If talking about clothes on the internet is going to help you get through this pandemic, power to you.

If anyone has read til the end, thank you! I hope you are well! As always, feel free to reply to the post or inbox me with your thoughts! It doesn’t even have to be related to this post. If you’re struggling with everything going on, feel free to reach out too. I spend too much time on the internet anyway, lol! My plans are to finish my fashion week reviews and then I have a Lana Del Rey albums inspired lookbook which I pinched off the stans on Twitter (who I will of course credit when I write it!). For the time being, look after yourselves!

Lauren x

[misssunflowersandsangria]

Adorned in Green

Thanks for the ask @sehuntema .  Hope that you like it!

Shikamaru leaned against the wall hidden in the shadows scowling annoyed and upset. He was sure that he was supposed to be mingling and promoting unity and peace between the nations and whatever other bullshit a state representative was supposed to do. He couldn’t find any motivation within him to even act interested in such things. His mind was solely focused on the vision of emerald and gold just beyond his reach. When Naruto had told him about Suna's state dinner he was so excited to see his Sand Goddess that he had failed to remember that she was their Sand Princess.  Tonight Temari played into that role quite well. She was a dream draped in the finest silks of jade that tried to compete with the green of her eyes. Precious jewels complemented the gold that naturally crowned her head.  She was in her element, in a position and place that was worthy of her.  

She was regal, gracious and welcoming to people who had come from all over the five great nations. She’d explained to him how important it was for Suna. This was their opportunity to show how much they’d progressed as a nation under Garra's leadership. She also wanted him there as moral support. She was very good at rubbing elbows with these people but hated it all the same. He should be right there next to her whispering words of encouragement but right now he was sulking in the dark.  

This was better for both of them because if he had to watch one more Lord, head of state or whoever stare, fuss and fawn over her he would start an international incident. 

There was a particular one that was asking for it. He looked like a squid which made sense because he was someone from the Land of Waves.  Besides, he looked slimy.   He watched as the squid reached up one of his tentacles to touch her exposed shoulder but was stopped in his tracks. Temari turned immediately towards him leveling him a stormy look but Shikamaru wasn’t moved, he was annoyed and upset and he wanted her to know it. The Lord seemed confused about why he was suddenly stopped and Temari took a step back excusing herself.  She passed by Shikamaru wordlessly to the balcony. Once she was outside and out of his clutches, he released his shadow causing the Lord to fall forward on his face. He smirked then followed after her. 

 “That didn’t last long.” Naruto laughed to the redhead Kazekage.  They'd been watching this play out for a while.  

“Well that particular Lord deserved it. He’s been inquiring about courting her for a while, incessantly, despite Nara’s claim. And the fact that he’s old enough to be our father.” 

“It’s been pretty amusing to see all these confused people coming to dead stops around her.” Any person that came within a foot of her that Shikamaru didn’t know found themselves trapped in his shadow jutsu. The Hokage wasn’t sure whether his friend realized that he was doing it or if it was a gut reaction to keep her safe.

“Hopefully once they’re married this will be less of a problem.”  Temari could be just as jealous and he'd seen her have some not so friendly conversations with different women all night.

“I doubt it, Hinata and I have been married for a while now but I still find myself sending clones to watch her from the shadows but I'm pretty sure that she knows by now."

They shared a laugh but ultimately Garra was happy for his sister.  She’d found someone who would love, care for and protect her, it was the most that he could wish for his sister.  

 “Want to explain to me why you’re being such an asshole tonight?”  Temari demanded the wind whipping around her. Even while in the throes of her anger she was still so dazzling.  He’d been rendered completely still and speechless when he’d first seen her that night.  He was used to her wearing her regular Shinobi garb.  Delicate fabrics wrapped tightly around her, priceless jewels, and exposed skin were overloading his senses.  He wanted to tear off that green dress for a number of reasons, but also because it was replacing all his images of her and that would be distracting in his daily life. He'd always known that she was gorgeous with her sandy blonde hair and teal eyes but to have it so highlighted and on display tonight was killing him.  It only made him more annoyed that other people got to behold her beauty like this, which was meant only for him.  

“Why? Did you want to dance with that guy?”  He replied harshly leaning against the wall.  He really wished that he could smoke.  

She glared at the response.  “Are you serious right now? Do you think that I'm enjoying this?  I’m Suna’s Princess, this is part of my job. Besides if you weren’t sulking in the corner you could have been right there with me instead of trapping everyone in your shadows like some petty child.”

Surprised she was caught in his shadow and placed against the wall his warm body caging her in.  She knew that she had pushed him and that he was upset but a part of her was thrilled to be 'trapped' like this.  She could overpower him if she wanted but she was safe and she wanted to see what he would do. 

“Yes, you may be their princess, but you’re mine. Call it possessive or chauvinistic if you want but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re mine and no one else gets to touch you.”  In any other situation with any other person, she would have destroyed him but this was her Shikamaru, her usually calm, lazy nin. To see him so fierce and passionate, his normally soft eyes firey only made her feel wanted.  She reached forward his shadows allowing her to move so that she could wrap her arms around his neck.

“Shika, I love you, only you. These other people, Lords, shinobi or whoever doesn’t matter to me.  I’m here with you, I'm wearing your clan’s crest sewn into this dress against my heart. You’re mine, just as much as I am yours, never forget that.”  He picked her up to pull her into a kiss her legs wrapping around his waist, desperately needing to remind himself that no one could take her away. They’d been through too much together to ever be apart.  He’d happily start a war if he needed to, just to keep her.

He scattered kisses along her neck in apology not caring if they left marks for the world to see.  “I’m sorry. You’re an important figure to Suna and I’ll have to share you sometimes, but it doesn’t mean that I have to like it. But, I can learn to handle it better.”  He mumbled knowing that he was being childish and that this wouldn't be the first time.

Her hands gently played with his hair.  “That’s why I wanted you here. I want people to know that you’re the most important person in my life.  That I chose you and I’m proud to stand next to you.”

“Really?”  He asked unsure.

Temari kissed him sweetly.  “Baby, we’ve gotta work on your confidence.  You’re the Hokage’s adviser, you’re from a storied, respected clan, your jutsu is strong, your contributions during the war are known far and wide.  You are good, kind and loyal. I had to put my claim on you before someone else tried to take you from me. Never think that you’re less than anyone in that room.  I’m lucky that you’re mine.” She assured him kissing him fiercely and possessively. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t seen the ladies of Suna eyeing him while he pouted and sulked.  He looked incredibly handsome tonight clothed in a fitted suit that she had specially made for him that incorporated traditional Suna fashion. She was glad that he didn’t realize how attractive he was or else she’d have a lot more talking to's by the council because of her behavior.  

After a few more kisses, and shared promises about what the night would hold for them after the event they returned to the ballroom and he remained steadfast by her side.  He was charming and intelligent, his presence only elevating the guests’ feelings and experiences in Suna. He wanted Temari to shine and so he reflected all the greatness and glory that was within her.   His hand was warm and ever-present on her back, his figure looming over her like a shadow. She felt safe and protected under his watchful gaze and no one dared cross his path. He may not particularly enjoy politics but he knew how to play the game well.  By the end of the night, no one could question her choosing him, a ninja from another village with little title or status, as her mate.  

 “I think that we’ve gotta invite you to these things more often Nara. People were impressed.” Kankuro toasted him before they both took a drink. The guests had all left but the Konoha delegation remained along with the Sand siblings for the after-party.  Temari seated comfortably in Shikamaru’s lap playing with his hair while the group enjoyed more food and drinks relaxing by a fire under the desert sky. 

“I had to pick up a lot of broken hearts after they found out you were with my sister and after she threatened to exile them from the country,” Kankuro added with a grin knowing that she’d take the bait. 

“Shut up Kankuro.” She growled about to jump and attack her brother till Shikamaru’s arms wrapped around her waist pulling her back into his lap. 

“Didn’t know you felt that way about me Trouble.” He teased her and Kankuro took that as his opportunity to get out of harm’s way. 

She pouted and blushed before ducking her face into his neck. 

“I wasn’t jealous.”  She mumbled. He just chuckled before turning her gaze back towards him.  She couldn’t help but smile at the way his eyes shined in amusement. He was very much her Prince.  While she had no illusions of what being a Princess meant for her she couldn't help but feel that she had earned him and their fairy tale. 

“I love you.”  He told her simply and while she’d heard those words many times before they always filled her such an immense feeling of joy.  

“I love you too.”  It wasn’t always easy being with the Suna Princess, famed Sand Kunoichi and wind mistress, but he wouldn’t trade her for the world.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21393019

[soft-sarcasm]

JUNG HOSEOK: THIS CONVERSATION.

Pairing: jung hoseok x reader. Genre: a n g s t. that's it. Word count: 3,2k+ a/n: i keep going ages without posting and when i do post its never what i've promised but i swear the stuff i said before is going to arrive sometime in the next millenium. i don't know really where this came from or what it is but it followed out really naturally because for me i either sit down and write something to its completion, or start something, get like almost mid-way, stop and never come back it. so here it is, whatever it is. p.s i listened to these songs from the your name soundtrack while writing the end of this and almost bawled my eyes out so if you want to go full emo enjoy. also this conversations by ciaran levery is really good for this. @kaylee-jade-camp

The first 48 hours are crucial, in both a missing persons case and a 'might have been broken up with' case. Okay, perhaps the latter isn't quite as crucial as the former, but it certainly felt like you were missing something, perhaps your heart, as you stared blankly at the neatly digitalised words that had been haunting you for the past 20 hours since they had initially been received;

'This isn't working out.'

Now it may seem a bit dramatic to instantly jump to the conclusion that you were being broken up with, and you would agree if it hadn't been the conclusion to a near-hour long fight that had raged between message notifications and furiously tapping thumbs. Text messages and phone-calls had been the customary medium in which the majority of your relationship-centric arguments had taken place throughout the year that there had been a relationship to argue about. It had become so customary to expel all of your frustration and disagreement through sharply worded texts and the purposeful absence of any reassuring emojis that you sometimes wondered if there was any other way to communicate such feelings.

Thankfully such instances didn't occur too frequently but when they did it usually happened when one, or both, of you, were seriously sleep-deprived and stressed out. This meant that it was far easier for fingers to type on their own and for hurtful words to be sent off to the other without a coherent thought. Something similar had transpired during the early hours of this morning when a simple 'have a safe flight' message to Hoseok had turned into something so much more. How or even why you couldn't be sure but somehow a match had been struck and a flurry of unresolved issues had been ignited.

'I just want some space.'

'You're barely in the country. The only thing that's ever between us is space.'

'You don't understand how hard this is for me.'

'I would if you would just tell me.'

'That's what I'm doing now and you aren't listening.'

'Because all I'm hearing are excuses.'

Those were just a few of the highlighted exerts from your far too dragged out debate, the in-between lines being stuffed with sentiments of a similar miscommunication. And then the dreaded 'this isn't working out' had been sent that was quickly followed by a complete radio silence which you knew you could logically account to the 16-hour flight Hoseok had been in the process of boarding when your fight had broken out. Even then the illogical part of your brain had decided matter-of-factly that Hoseok was officially done with you, that if he wanted he could use some of the all but limitless money he earned to purchase some of the airlines overpriced wifi and contact you but was choosing not to.

You were over. Finished. Nothing else to say and yet you couldn't help but hold out some semblance of hope that when he finally touched down on to home soil that you would receive a relieving ding followed by some sort of explanation about how he was still willing to work things out.

And yet nothing. You knew sometimes there was a delay between the landing and being out of the airport but even then, cell-service was not limited to being clear of Incheon and again, if Hoseok wanted to, he could have contacted you. 

But it was clear that he didn't want to.

You had attempted to function with the knowledge that the relationship you had devoted so much energy and devotion to was just over. You went to your job, typed out mindless translations only to be later berated by your superior for the multiple discrepancies in your work. You had then proceeded to leave work and had a lonely meal for one in the tiny Udon place on the corner of your street, wallowing over you overcooked noodles as the radio blared the symphony of your boyfriend (potentially ex-boyfriend's) group as if to mock you.

You now found yourself curled into the crevice of your couch, staring down at the fluorescent screen of your phone with your message app opened to your conversation with 'Hobi.' Your responding message had yet to be read but you knew there was no way that Hoseok had spent this much time without looking at his phone, eve the tech-addict as was the majority of your generation.

'What does that mean for us?'

The silence was pretty clear answer to your question, there was no us left to mean anything.

Introspection was not something you excelled at. In fact ignoring and suppressing emotional issues was far more your style, as was it Hoseok's. Hoseok for all his sunshine and smiley cover, one he maintained even when he had landed which you knew thanks to fansite photos that had been posted as soon as he walked out of the Arrival gates over three hours ago, was a complex Rubix cube of a human. It took ages to figure him out and twist out all of his colours to get six sides that you could actually understand. Over the year you'd like to think you had gotten pretty close to having six completely solid faces but it seemed that you had been mistaken and there was still plenty of squares for you to decipher; not that you would be given the opportunity now.

It felt surreal like you were somehow caught in some dreamscape where you didn't know whether or not to trust your surroundings which was why you didn't instantly react to the serious of melodic dings that signalled your doorbell had been rung. The robotic sound echoed throughout your otherwise quiet apartment and when the final ding rang out there was a silence before the entire melody was set off again. 

"Coming," You muttered quietly, shuffling through your flat that you hadn't even realised had become all but entirely dark since you had reclined to wallowing in the final hours of sunlight and had yet to do anything since. So you proceeded to turn on the lights as you reluctantly pulled yourself up to the screen that would reveal who was summoning your presence.

Even with the pulled down bucket hat and mask tugged under his chin it was undeniably Hoseok and his appearance was so startling that it took you a moment to actually comprehend that he was real and not a figment of your imagination. Your heart ached after not seeing him for so long and your palms felt clammy as you pressed the green button labelled 'Unlock.'

It was difficult to breathe with the anticipation lodged in your throat as you watched the door be pushed open and Hoseok to follow in after it. He didn't look at you as he made quick work of slipping off his shoes and trading them for the pair of house slippers that over the course of his visits had become his. When there was no task left for him to distract himself with he finally turned to where you stood, legs near quaking as you waited for him to say something.

"Hi." Was all he uttered and you had to stifle a scoff.

Anger threatened the creep into your system, attempting to punch words out of your mouth like 'what the fuck is going on,' 'why did you never reply' or what you really wanted to say 'are we really over?'

But you swallowed such questions and opted instead for a strangled, "Hi." Followed by an equally strained half smile that made your facial muscles ache. He stood awkwardly in the entrance to your home and the sight reminded you so much of the first time he had been there, hands stuffed idly in his pockets to keep himself busy as he attempted to keep his balance due to the alcohol that had coursed in his system thanks to the numerous cocktails you had shared at dinner. The air had been much lighter then, so much so that when you realised he hadn't followed behind you, you had turned back, an instant fit of giggles summoned by the look of uncertainty on his rose hazed face.

"You know, you can come in," You had said through tinkles of laughter, smile so big and heart so warm with your increasing adoration for this man that it had almost hurt, "You can always come in, no matter what."

Maybe that was why the look of hesitation on his face now hurt so deeply, that things had changed so thoroughly in your relationship that that meaningless promise you had made all that time before in between laughter and happiness didn't even apply.

"You can come in," You repeated, somberness twisting the words that once possessed so much merriment. You didn't say anything else.

Hoseok merely nodded and took a tentative step forward, so much caution that you literally had to turn away and busy yourself by migrating towards the kitchen. Hoseok's dancing abilities kept his steps light as he trailed behind you but thanks to the silence you were still able to hear when his movements stopped just at the threshold. A further sense of unfamiliarity and alienation crept up your spine and you had to stabilise yourself against the counter before mindlessly reaching over to switch the kettle on.

"Tea?"

You heard a rustle which made you assume Hoseok nodded but he seemed to realise pretty quickly that you couldn't actually see the movement with your back to him, "Yes."

This had to be the fewest words that had ever been shared between the two of you. You were both natural chatterboxes and even during the moments of silence shared between you there was still the loud comfort of the other's presence. There was no comfort remaining now as you stood what felt like oceans apart on the opposite sides of your shoebox kitchen. It was almost ironic, how you had actually spent weeks near months apart separated by actual, physical oceans apart and yet you had somehow felt closer then you did now.

The distance only seemed to stretch alongside the quiet as you both waited for the water boil and the distraction of placing two leaf-filled filter bags into separate cups before drowning them in scalding liquid. After a moment of steeping, you finally turned to Hoseok, half-looking at him as you extended a mug in his direction. He reached to take it with a nearly silent thank you before you both moved towards the living room.

Living room seemed to be a bit of a grand title for the make-shift space that doubled as a place you watched tv and ate but it would have to do today as the setting for this 20-hour dreaded conversation.

"I don't know where to start," Hoseok started quietly after one too many moments of silence had ticked past, "It's so different being here, like this."

"You mean in person?" You attempted to joke but knew that your words landed more as a blow by the way Hoseok winced at this, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

His lithe fingers tapped up and down the ceramic cup in his hand while you simply fumbled with the handle of your own mug, "Where do you even begin?"

"I think with something similar to 'I don't think this is working out," Again your words seemed to injure Hoseok as he flinched, "That's where our last conversation dropped off isn't it?" He seemed unnerved to be confronted with the reality of the situation, of the reality of his previous actions or lack thereof. It was as if he had almost expected you to ignore it, as though it hadn't been how you had ended up here.

"Yeah about that-" He swallowed as if to rid himself of a lump in his throat, "- I wasn't really thinking clearly when I sent that- you know how it is sometimes with the late nights and the early morning, I didn't mean it-"

"-Are you sure Hoseok?" You cut in even though you knew that it wasn't most likely the most sensitive thing to do in this situation but you could barely stand this situation as it was and his rambling with just going to prolong the agony. It was better to cut to the chase, to snip the steel cords that had once kept you so solidly tied together but had now been tugged down into weak, meagre whisps of wires that were now so easily snapped. "Are you sure you didn't mean it?"

"Of course I didn't," He answered instantly, eyes meeting yours for what felt like the first time, "Sure, sometimes this is a bit difficult but I never wanted to end things."

"Are you sure?" You repeated like some sort of broken record and for a moment you questioned yourself, why were you actively talking Hoseok out of making up? Why were you so set on causing the thing mere minutes ago you had been so fearful of.

Maybe it was because there was a part of you, the more logical part of you that was usually pushed to the background in emotional situations that understood Hoseok's true feelings, that knew that he had meant what he said even if he had yet to fully realise that himself.

"What are you even saying right now?" 

"I think," Your hands all but rattled against the handle of your mug as the shook, "I think that you did- do want to end things."

You could hear the bewilderment in his voice even though you couldn't look at him to confirm your suspicion, "What- I don't understand-"

"I think," You continued, a familiar pricking sensation occurring in your eyes, "I think it's best if we do end things here."

Hoseok choked, "Where is this even coming from?"

Where was this coming from? Hadn't you been denying the reality of this situation mere seconds, breaths before Hoseok had officially arrived? Hadn't you spent the last 20 hours clinging to some semblance that this wasn't where your relationship ended? That after months, years even of putting up with the distance, the stress, the strain that this was it.

But the thing was, before Hoseok arrived it had been easier to pretend that there was still a carved space for each other in your lives. The actual shock of Hoseok being at your place reminded you just how long it had been since you had actually physically spent more than a few hours together. There had been the time nearly two weeks back where you had met at the company building, prepared to eat lunch together when suddenly your time together was cut to a short twenty minutes when Hoseok was suddenly called away for some urgent work thing. It hadn't been an unusual occurrence, more often than not your dates, nights together were cut short. You couldn't even remember the last time you had had sex, maybe two months ago, between the American and European tours in which you had paid him a surprise visit in London which had again been abruptly interrupted when there had been an emergency back at work that couldn't be taken care of over Skype. 

When you actually started to think about your relationship there was very little of it to even recall, or at least to recall from the past few months. Except for the everyday mandatory text, all connections and efforts had dwindled. Which was to be expected and had happened before in the past but usually one of you would catch onto the separation sooner and would reach out, pointing out the distance and an effort would then be made to work harder, to talk more. But nothing had been brought up for months. Instead your relationship had turned near monotonous, a dull repeat of 'how was your day,' 'good morning,' and 'goodnight' with no real substance or interest in between. You used to know the latest tour story or funny antic by one of the boys but as you sat there in the heavy silence you couldn't remember the last time Hoseok had shared anything but the barest, most mundane details of his day. 

"We barely talk anymore Hoseok, which was made pretty clear by this morning, and even when we do it's not really about anything." 

"That doesn't mean we have to break up," Hoseok argued, adamance clear in his tone as he took to his feet, leaving his tea abandoned on the coffee table, "We just -I just need to work harder, I know sometimes with my job it feels like I'm a million miles away but I swear I can work on it-"

"-Hoseok," You interrupted softly turning to face him now, your heart shaking at the look of utter frustration and sadness on his face as his eyes burned with unshed tears, "This isn't just your fault, it's both of yours. Sometimes it just isn't the right time- maybe right now it isn't the best time for us-"

"-There won't be any us if we end right now." He stated, "That's how this works, if we decide that right now isn't the right time there won't ever be a right time and then we'll move on, you'll move on, and then there won't be any time for us because we'll be nothing but strangers."

A watery smile tugged at your lips, "Everyone's a stranger before they come into your life, and some people are just meant to continue being strangers."

"But not us," His voice was becoming more and more desperate as he tried to reason with both you and himself, "We were never meant to be strangers, I'm your pers- you're my person."

Slowly Hoseok sunk to his knees on the floor, the tears finally pouring out as his body and resolve caved in and you slipped off the couch to join him. You placed your hand gently on his knee as he wiped furiously at his eyes, "And there's going to be another person after me Hoseok, and if they aren't right there'll be someone else until you find the right one at the right time and it'll just all make sense."

"How can you say that? How can you be so calm?" He sobbed as if not taking notice to the shatter in your voice and the tears that trailed down your cheeks in steady dripping streams. 

"Because I know it's true," You spoke so softly you barely heard yourself, "And so do you, you know that there's someone else that's going to make you so fucking happy and you're going to think back to this moment and know."

"No, no, no," Hoseok began to chant in between sobs before flinging his arms around you so you could physically feel his tears, "There won't ever be anyone else, that's not how it works."

You clutched him back just as tightly, staring at the ceiling as you blinked back tears to ground yourself, "Yes it is Hobi, and I can't fucking wait until you meet someone who gives you the happiness you deserve."

He pulled back to look at you and you couldn't help but reach to brush some of the remaining tears from his face, "This isn't how it's supposed to end, over something so stupid."

"Sometimes we don't even realise that what we're feeling is just love rather than being in love." 

"Why are you so fucking smart? What am I going to do without you stopping me from doing stupid stuff?"

It was a genuine tug of happiness that curved your lips upwards as you wiped a final tear from his check, "Find someone smarter."

[jrobert1698-blog]

The Mandalorian Season One Review

The Mandalorian is a Disney+ original television show starring Pedro Pascal and created by Jon Favreau.  In addition to featuring a supporting cast of Gina Carano, Carl Weathers, and Giancarlo Esposito, the show also created a legend of our time: Baby Yoda.  Logging just eight episodes in its debut season, the show follows a conflicted bounty hunter as he attempts to honor the creed of his people, the customs of his profession, and his heart’s desire.  If you haven’t seen the show yet, I highly suggest you check it out.  Some spoilers lie ahead if you wish to turn back now; otherwise, “this is the way.”

I’ll be honest: I’m a really big Star Wars fan.  I should qualify that by saying I haven’t consumed every bit of the Star Wars canon, and I’m not extremely familiar with the Expanded Universe.  I know this qualifies me as scum; force choke me if you must.  Nonetheless, it is one of my favorite franchises dating all the way back to my early childhood.  This makes it somewhat difficult to review anything Star Wars related because I’m always subconsciously rooting for it to be good.  I allowed this to get the better of me with The Last Jedi, and I defended that film for far too long.  In short, I tried to approach The Mandalorian with an open mind but without letting my inner fanboy take over my sensibilities.  I’d like to believe that this review is as neutral as possible but if I do sound overexcited please forgive me. 

Before I get into The Mandalorian in detail I want to take a brief step back to 2015.  Before The Force Awakens cam out, everybody was excited to see Star Wars again.  Despite box office success, some people dismissed Episode VII as too derivative of A New Hope.  Others were just happy to have new characters, a diverse cast, and a competent director in J.J. Abrams.  I will go to the grave believing that the single biggest mistake Disney made since purchasing Star Wars was hiring Rian Johnson to direct The Last Jedi. While he is clearly capable of creating a great film in his own right, his vision clashed significantly with Abrams’ and the end result was a very divisive movie that split up the Star Wars fan base.  It made at least half the fandom bitter and jaded towards anything Star Wars that Disney produced.  People desperately needed something to unify them and make them remember why they love Star Wars again.  I’m happy to report that season one of The Mandalorian is exactly what the fans, and Disney, needed. 

I feel as though its only proper to begin a review of The Mandalorian by discussing Din Djarin himself as portrayed by Pedro Pascal.  I liked him in Game of Thrones and I like him even more here.  Some people might assume that having a mask cover your entire face makes acting easier.  To some extent this is true.  Not having to express emotions with one’s eyes and mouth alleviates some of the burden.  However, its also a unique acting challenge to make people get invested in a character whose face they can’t see.  The fact that so many love this character is a testament to good screenwriting and Pascal’s acting ability.  The audience actually roots for Mando to keep his mask on because the writers made it a crucial part of his identity.  Additionally, Pascal has to express emotion through the intonation of his voice, the speed at which he turns his helmet, and his deliberate pace when he walks.  This is far more difficult than people realize, and Pascal deserves a lot of credit for making this season the success that it was.

The character of the Mandalorian also stands out to me because in many ways he exemplifies the qualities of a good action hero.  Again, good screenwriting.  He comes off as a believable bad ass from the minute he slices a guy in half with a door in Episode 1.  However, unlike other Star Wars protagonists of late, he never feels overpowered either.  Audiences need to feel like their hero is in danger of getting hurt or dying in order for excitement to register.  There are many moments in this season where Mando gets his ass kicked.  He gets electrocuted by Jawas, gored by a Mudhorn, pinned down by Bounty Hunters and almost blown up several times.  However, like any good action hero, he always manages to bounce back and lives to fight another day.  This is why audiences truly respect this character who, at the end of the day, is just a human being like all of us. 

Another great, and perhaps underrated, aspect of this show is the amazing score by Ludwig Goransson.  I really liked his work on Black Panther as well and I’m looking forward to any future projects he works on.  This is the first time I can remember that anyone other than John Williams has made an original and memorable Star Wars score.  The main title is freakin’ awesome.  It’s the perfect blend of tribal mysticism and the military marches we’ve come to know and love.  Fortunately, this space opera comes with some great overtures to highlight it.

Before I sound like a total fanboy, let’s talk about a few issues I have with the show.  There are certainly issues you can nitpick from a canon perspective but that isn’t my main concern.  My biggest complaint would be the sometimes haphazard nature of the show.  Episode 5 in particular felt like a sizable departure from the main story.  Episode 6, while more entertaining, similarly broke from the overarching narrative to give us a little bit of Mando’s backstory.  I don’t necessarily have a problem with this video game mission approach to the show, but I do hope that some of these side quests get paid off more significantly in future episodes.  I also would have liked a more consistent emphasis on the supporting cast members like Carano’s Cara Dune and Weathers’ Greef Carga.  Even Kuill could have used more screen time if for no other purpose than to make us more attached to him before his untimely death.

My complaints, in the long run, are relatively minor.  Compared to my overall respect and enjoyment of this show, they pale in comparison.  One major reason why is that Disney spared no expense in making this show the best it could possibly be.  The visual effects, where I feared they might skimp, were better than a lot of feature films.  The show felt cinematic, like Game of Thrones did at its best.  The cinematography was mostly great as well.  I particularly liked Taika Waititi’s direction in the season finale.  That shot of Mando finally using a jetpack to latch onto Moff Gideon’s TIE Fighter deserves to be on a poster.  I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention the closing shot of Gideon holding the fucking Darksaber.  I can’t wait to see Giancarlo Esposito in an expanded role in Season 2 and hopefully beyond.  If he can play half the villain he did in Breaking Bad it will be a success.

And, of course, I had to save the single best part of this show, by far, for last. Baby. Fucking. Yoda.  This is one of the most well-concealed plot twists in recent memory.  Disney, somehow, did a fantastic job of keeping Baby Yoda out of marketing materials and trailers in the pre-release process.  When I first saw that adorable green face for the first time I somehow screamed, laughed and cried out in excitement at once.  This character is great for so many reasons besides obviously being the cutest thing to come out of 2019.  The Child makes Mando extremely conflicted and puts him in the most difficult quandary of his life: honor his code as a Bounty Hunter or follow his instincts and protect this child in need?  Baby Yoda also kicks a lot of ass for a one-foot-tall fifty year old.  His obviously strong connection to the force presents a myriad of options for his future: will he train as a Jedi, be a powerful vigilante, or turn to the dark side?  I’m kidding, but I’m also serious; he did force choke Cara Dune after all.  And he’s grown up among a series of explosions, laser beams, and punchy storm troopers.  That’s a pretty traumatic childhood.  Clearly, Baby Yoda has turned into a phenomenon and sparked an infinite number of memes, songs, and art.  I think it’s well deserved and I can’t wait to see more adventures in baby sitting with our little green friend. 

My thoughts on The Mandalorian can be expressed very simply: it’s fucking awesome. There is a whole lot to like about where this story is going and what Favreau and the slew of directors have done so far.  They’ve managed to inject genuine excitement into the fan base for what feels like the first time in a very, very long time. Additionally, Disney needed to knock one out of the park in order to salvage their reputation and preserve fan interest in one of their most valuable franchises.  Despite a few minor missteps, season one of The Mandalorian is a fantastic and I eagerly anticipate season two whenever it comes out.  If you haven’t seen it yet, go check it out.  Baby Yoda alone makes it worth it.  I have spoken.

Rating: 9/10

[complicatedandstained]

The Other Day at Hot Topic: Two Truths and a Lie

Aqua breathes new life into the phrase ‘stormed out’, as she tears through the black archway, out of Hot Topic, dragging Vanitas with her like an empty black trash bag caught in a windstorm.

It takes Roxas a long moment to process this sudden departure and another to think to turn back to Axel, still leaning in the back door frame and looking vaguely whiplashed, like he ought to be picking stray leaves out of his hair.

Roxas finds himself moving toward him, dodging Clearance fixtures like a skier dodges flags. “Are you okay?” Concern wears down his voice, but he doesn’t think Axel will mind. His feet halt a few feet apart from the man, still staring out the entryway and frowning hard. “What was that about?”

Axel glances down at Roxas, silver pierced, red brows arching like it hadn’t occurred to him he might actually have to explain what’s just transpired. “I think I mighta broke Aqua.”

Axel tries to smile, but it’s a weak little twitch, and it makes Roxas a little sad that Axel feels like he needs to smile for him when he’s clearly no longer in the jovial mood he had been not fifteen minutes ago. (Even after Roxas had made the stupid mistake of telling him about pushing Sora off a pier and into the ocean. Which, okay. Sounded much worse than it was. Sora has a waterproof phone case. So, no harm done, really.)

Axel’s arms cross and he looks up, toward the top of the door frame where the paint’s started to scrape off. “Had to...uh, send someone home early,” he rubs at his arm, “low numbers and all that.”

Another person angry with Axel for just doing his job? It doesn’t seem fair...

“Aqua drew the short straw,” Axel continues with a shrug. “I’m sure she’s just pretending to be angry with me.”

“Sure, Axel.”

It feels too simple, like a lie. It certainly hadn’t looked that way to Roxas. Although, he supposes he hasn’t known them all long enough to really judge. Still something in his stomach tightens. He realizes Aqua getting upset could have been easily prevented. Still could be, but…

“I really, really need the hours,” Roxas argues with his conscience aloud, Seifer’s quick sneer and upturned nose back on his mind. (It should be impossible for anyone to look as stuck up as Seifer always did while also wearing a super dumb beanie, but he’d always managed it.)

Roxas backsteps, the echoes of Aqua’s ‘Screw you, Axel,’ ringing in his ears, as he watches regret play across Axel’s face.  

“But I guess, if she’s that upset, I’ll go after her...”

“You’ll…?” Axel shakes his head swiftly, pacing forward to set hands on Roxas’ shoulders. “It’s like day two for you, right? Stay.” Axel’s voice smooths out to a gentle salve. Between that and his hands—warmer than human hands are supposed to be, Roxas is pretty sure—Axel effectively stills Roxas’ entire being. “She’s fine. Really. She didn’t want me to tell you guys this, but she asked me if she could go.”

Roxas takes a slower breath. “Oh.”

So, her anger had been an act to cover up her calling first dibs to leave after Roxas and Vanitas duked it out earlier. Smart.

Also, kind of… offensive, right? Roxas hadn’t hurt Vanitas that bad. He’d just been milking it.

Chicken wuss, dismisses the Seifer in Roxas’ brain. Seifer, who Roxas had once seen bounce back to his feet, swaying, with his pretty nose broken, a couple displaced teeth in one fist and his Struggle bat poised to strike in the other. Always ready to go another round. The idiot.  

Axel reads Roxas’ mind, or the frown lines etching into his face at least.

“As for Vanitas, he’ll be back after Aqua tells him to behave himself.” Axel leans his elbow into Roxas’ shoulder to get closer to eye level. Amused overbright green halts his thoughts and Axel’s elbow digs a bit near his neck. Roxas can’t bring himself to mind. “You know. Probably.”

Roxas tilts his head in turn, eyes narrowing, tracing the silver constellation of piercings highlighting Axel’s sharp features. Lip ring, nose ring, brow studs, earrings, plugs… “Probably. So, you’re saying it’s just you and me?” “Actually.” Axel takes two fingers and presses Roxas’ cheek, turning his face to face the register. “It’s just you. Time to show me your stuff, check out boy.” He taps Roxas’ cheek in emphasis, and starts to strut toward the counter, the stained-glass window designed plugs Roxas gave him earlier waving in the air at him behind Axel’s back.

Roxas mouth opens a bit at this light-hearted shift, but he trails after, taking up his post behind the register and arming himself with a hand-held price scanner. He nods solemnly and reaches out a palm. “Right.”

Axel returns the soldierly nod and drops the plugs into Roxas’ hand, along with a packet of Pop Rocks—the green ones. “Did I find everything alright?” Axel prompts sportingly.

“Yeah, yeah, you did, thank you,” Roxas mumbles back dryly, scanning the first tag. Axel scoffs, the hard edge starting to melt off his grin.

Axel starts to type away on his phone. Not leaving Roxas all alone after all then, the newbie realizes.

*          *

Even missing his winged eyeliner today, Axel’s jade gaze is striking. Roxas can feel it burning the back of his neck as he turns to tap at the computer screen. He’s trying to find the stupid employee discount option Demyx had shown him so he won’t seem completely incompetent when he screws up something else later on.

Axel starts clicking his tongue the second Roxas gets it right, and Roxas pauses, unable to withhold a flash of confusion. “Tsk, tsk, Roxas,” Axel drags out, amusement growing at Roxas’ immediate, doe-eyed look of disappointment, “week one and you’re already sharing your employee discount with tall, handsome strangers? I’m not sure if I’m scandalized or impressed.”

“Tall, handsome...?” Roxas’ mind immediately jumps to Axel. His better judgment rejects that idea and his tongue stills, eyes flicking between Axel and the nonexistent checkout line. “You mean you?”

Axel feigns indignance, sweeping a fatigued looking wallet toward his chest and offering a dry, “Thanks for noticing.”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t saying you’re not—” Roxas fumbles too quickly, words tangling, “I mean, I didn’t mean to say—Wait.” Roxas blinks as Axel leans back to watch his meltdown with an unwavering smirk. “You. You’re saying you’re not an employee?”

Axel sighs, nods, tugging at his tight black tee. “Just dress like one.”

Roxas watches the cotton snap back against Axel’s lean chest, and then shakes his head, trying to understand. “But you’re always here.”

He’d helped with Roxas’ training, logged him into the register, known every single employee’s name and personality flaws and amusing anecdotes…

“Right next door, technically.” Axel flicks a thumb. “Like I said, I just swing by to help Saïx keep his life in order.”

Wait, Axel had already told him this? Puzzle pieces begin to click. Why people get pissed at him for taking charge, for example. “And that’s why you never stay long.”

“Bingo. Gold star.”

Roxas sets the scanner down, arms crossing. Axel hadn’t needed to be so fucking cryptic about it. “So, what do you do?”

Axel pauses to consider, an arm stretching behind his neck. Roxas wishes the guy didn’t flex so much, as he gets distracted by a flash of the tattooed tongue of flame above Axel’s wrist and the edges of black etchings further up, wrapping lean muscle.

 “Stab people with needles, mainly.”

 Roxas tongue goes dry. What the what? “You’re… some kind of nurse?”

Axel laughs, short and bright, leaning his arms on the counter. “That’s flattering.” His head shakes like he’s trying to picture himself in jet black scrubs. “Jesus, no. Here.” He flips open the billfold in his hands. “Remember when I told you knowing about piercings was my only job?”

 He slides a business card across the table, featuring a complex glossy black and white geometric design that reminds Roxas of a mansion gate. Apparently cryptic is Axel’s forte.

 “I thought you meant knowing everything was your only job.” Roxas’ teasing lacks gravity as he squints at the card, unsure what to make of it.

 Axel smiles. “That’s more a hobby.” He glances down at the card and then, with a ‘Whoops’ flips it over. “Friend and I own a little tattoo and piercing place down on the boardwalk.”

 “Never,” Roxas reads from the simple, seriffed, gold font overtop the black and white design, feeling incredibly stupid. He imagines a neat little shop, all weathered boards and open glass, hung with elaborate posters, the smell of salt on the air, and punk rock thrumming through the speakers, gently vibrating the floorboards.

 Roxas glances back up to the attractive man, reconsidering the inverted violet teardrop tattooed below each eye. “Kind of perfect for you.”

 “Yup.” Axel taps the counter. “We’re not wildly popular yet, but we’ve made a name and we do better than alright.”

 “I’d love to see your work sometime.”

 “Oh?” Axel stills, lip quirking, and Roxas stomach chills at his latest misstep, though he honestly has no idea what it was.

 “Well, if you show me yours…” Axel prompts, flicking up an eyebrow and pinching the collar of his tee, like he’s ten seconds from pulling it off.

 “Ah…” Roxas raises both hands, blue eyes widening, words too fast again, as his heart rate reaches a rate more appropriate for a jack hammer. “I meant your designs, that you drew…”

 Axel’s freckled nose crinkles, and he covers his mouth like he’s trying harder to fight another smirk. “I know what you meant, Roxas.” And Axel has apparently had second thoughts on the whole stripping in public concept, because he just nods, as if to say ‘Later, then’ and folds his wrists on the counter, head tilting in thought. “Y’know, I tell everyone they’d love the place, but I think maybe you actually would.”

 “Yeah, I …” Roxas nods, voice quieting, sliding the business card over to his side of the counter, “I think so too.”

 Never, Tattoo and Piercing Parlor, Xigbar Thornton & Axel Flynn

 This all makes such an incredible amount of sense, Roxas isn’t sure how it didn’t occur to him before. Oh right.

 “But you said earlier you work next door…”

 “Uh-huh.” Axel shrugs a shoulder, sliding his credit card out of his wallet. “More of a side gig.”

 Setting his card down, Axel dips a couple fingers into his shirt pocket and fishes out a small silver name plate. He clips the tag near his breast bone with a magnet, and then tugs it forward for Roxas’ viewing pleasure. “claire’s” is embossed across the top in crisp, bubbly, purple letters. Below this, printed in some cousin to Comic Sans, “AXEL” in vibrant magenta.   

Roxas’ brain back-fires again in a way better suited to an old pickup truck engine.

 Roxas tries to super-impose the man in front of him over an image of Claire’s. Claire’s, a cheap children’s fashion boutique with the overwhelming assortment of low-quality, cutesy micro-accessories: hair, jewelry, plushies, the whole nine yards. Claire’s with the pink, purple, and glitter color scheme that looks like something a unicorn vomited up. Claire’s which always smells vaguely of plastic and vanilla bean.

 Roxas can’t help but imagine that upon walking in, Axel, in his punk-goth-hipster glory with his unquantifiable number of tattoos and piercings, would be immediately escorted out again.

 They let you work at Claire’s.”

 “Hey,” Axel argues, with a hurt pout about as real as a Claire’s cotton candy blue hair extension. “I’m good with kids.” His eyes narrow with amusement as Roxas’ brows rise. “It’s the parents you gotta watch out for. And okay so,” his hands lift in a gesture of admission, “maybe I mainly just sit around, piercing ears and looking pretty. And maybe Marluxia likes for me to stay out of the way. And technically,” his fingers steeple, “I got the job as a personal favor, and not through an interview, but that’s just because I violate most of the dress code standards any given day of the week.”

 Roxas laughs outright. “God, sorry. I just feel like such an idiot.” He shakes his head and, at an angry beep from the register, returns his attention to his computer screen, responding to a prompt on the screen that asked if their transaction was still ongoing and another regarding Axel’s method of payment. “I thought you were, like, my manager,” he mumbles, thinking of the grief he’d given himself over his crush.

 “’S alright,” Axel straightens up, pocketing one hand, “You wouldn’t be the first to give me a discount. Especially on account of me n’ Saïx.”

 Axel plugs his card in the reader, keys in his code.

 “Huh?” Roxas watches him out of the corner of his eye as he taps another button on screen. “What about you and Saïx?”

 Axel smirks again, and this one he doesn’t bother to hide, his voice reaching a new level of patronizing, “Your parents’ll tell you when you’re older.”

 The reader beeps, and Axel tugs out his card and taps it back in his wallet against the counter. Roxas is happy to turn his miffed expression away from the man’s striking eyes and mocking smile as he retrieves a bag for the earrings.

“What?” Roxas coughs. Axel had said he had a boyfriend, but… “You and Saïx?” 

 No. Way.

 Then laughter comes, quick and easy, imagining the playful, flirtatious red-head wrapping his arms around the neck of Roxas’ sharp, stoic boss. “Right, okay, sure.”

 “Well,” Axel’s smile drops off as he waves away the bag in Roxas’ hand, “they say opposites attract. And he is smart... successful... built like a tank...”

 Roxas laughs again, remembering Axel and Demyx’s serious discussion about checking out Saix’s butt in sweatpants. Maybe this is a long running joke of theirs.

 “Warm, charming, sympathetic,” Roxas mimics and rolls his eyes, tearing Axel’s receipt off the printer.

 Axel looks mock affronted, fingers to his chest again. “Don’t believe me, huh?”

 “Yeah, no. Maybe when hell freezes over.”

 “Is that right?” Axel chuckles softly at Roxas’ adamance, eyes terribly amused. “I’ll let him know you said so.”

 Hm. Maybe they really are good friends. Roxas remembers Axel draping a scarf around Saix’s neck in the training video. Saïx hadn’t seemed to enjoy it, but he also hadn’t stopped him.

 “Yeah,” Roxas says with slightly less certainty, forking over the receipt. “You do that.”

 “Thanks, Roxas.” Axel wraps the plugs in the receipt and tucks them back in his pocket. Roxas slides the Pop Rocks, forward as well, but Axel covers Roxas’ hand with his own to stop its progress. “Those were for you.”

Axel slides their hands back toward the cashier side, letting go only when Roxas wraps his fingers around the packet of candy.

 “Thanks,” Roxas mumbles, glancing down at the candy and wondering what to make of it.

 When Axel captures Roxas’ eyes again, he winks. “Hey, come by sometime. I’ll give you a free piercing or something.”

“I’m pretty sure all piercings at Claire’s are free.” Roxas wishes he could rewind his mouth. He doesn’t know what it is about Axel that makes him blurt the first thing that comes to his mind.

Axel chuckles. “And the equipment is crap, too.” He turns lazily to go. “But that’s not really what I had in mind.”

 “Oh. You meant...” Roxas slides the card on the counter closer still. “Pierce my… what, exactly?” That doesn’t sound the way he means it to, either, but this time Axel doesn’t call him out on it.

 “Whatever you want.” Axel nods over his shoulder, smirk both condescending and endearing. “My treat.”

 “I’ve never really thought about…” He has, actually, but after his tattoo, it’s safe to say his parents would murder him in cold blood.

 “So, think about it,” Axel replies, facing away from him again, walking off, “I’ve got a few suggestions.” He laughs lightly at some stray thought. “I’m sure Xigbar will too.”

 Maybe Roxas will just die now on the spot and save his parents the trouble.

 Sora would probably give the eulogy and get all blubbery and incoherent halfway though. Maybe he could tell the ‘my brother knocked me off a dock’ anecdote. Classic Roxas. So tragic.

 Axel saunters toward the door, and how had Roxas not noticed Vanitas coming in and getting back to work? How much of this conversation had he heard?

 Axel stops at the door and turns one more time, smile quick, “Never say never, Roxas.”

 Roxas leans his arms into the counter so he will not melt into a puddle on the floor. “That’s cheesy as hell, Axel.”

 “See you later, Roxas.”

[constantlyirksome]

Captain Marvel Review: Not Just a Girl (Spoilers).

It’s Here! The final chapter before Avengers: Endgame, the newest hero, and the first female led movie in the MCU Captain Marvel! Carol Danvers is here and she is ready to take on Thanos bare handed, but first she had her own adventure to go on. For a solo/origin hero movie Captain Marvel is fun, heartfelt, and thrilling. Who is Carol Danvers? There was a lot of talk about whether Brie Larson would be able to capture the comic book characters intensity, (a stupid fear, she has a freakin’ Oscar) Would the MCU’s first female lead be strong? Likeable? Maybe she wouldn’t smile, or her voice would be too high. All worries were unfounded because both Brie Larson and Carol do the comics justice. Larson’s portrayal is layered, she is likeable, and she is badass. Carols dry humour, coupled with Larson’s delivery, help her cut down anyone who dares get in her way, Fury, Talos, Yon Rogg, all pale next to her, because she is simply too badass to put up with men who want to make her less than she is. The scene where she comes across a biker who tells her to smile directly mirrors the treatment a lot of male MCU fans gave the character when the first trailers came out. Instead of smiling she steals his bike. Instead of placating her mentor, Jude Law/Yon Rogg/Dumbledore, she owns her own sense of self worth, saying she “Doesn’t need to prove anything to him.” She does more damage in thirty minutes than all the other heroes have done collectively over a ten-year period and it’s exhilarating watching her cut through enemies and spaceships like butter. The scene where she unlocks her potential and kicks ass to No Doubt’s “I’m Just a Girl”? Cinematic poetry. But it isn’t all photon blasts and quick remarks; there is a vulnerability and humanity that is uniquely Brie Larson. To have a gruff, completely cold character, or a too bubbly fun lover would be a disservice. She is at her best when the two sides come together. Her vulnerability, her sensitivity to others are strengths, they don’t take away from how badass she is. Only 90’s kids will remember The movie really wants you to know that when Carol crash lands on earth that she is in fact in the 90’s. From the first shots of her crashing through the roof of a blockbuster video everything screams grunge. The best references were to Carol and Maria playing street fighter 2, using the Alta Vista search engine, and the costume styling. Sooo much plaid. The soundtrack is full of nineties bangers that both fit the time period and the story. Strong female singers like Gwen Stefani in No Doubt and Courtney are used to highlight Carols most badass moments. Nick Fury is young and has an eye and SHIELD isn’t full of Nazis. Sometimes the layers of nostalgia are quite thick, like all the 80’s nods in Guardians, and a lot of random references are shoehorned in. But for the most part these references at a unique flavour to the story that helps further differentiate it from the other MCU movies which is getting harder and harder to do. The Power of Friendship. In the last ten years the MCU has had a lot of good friendships evolve, Bucky and Steve, Tony and Rhodey, Thor and Heimdall. But before now we haven’t seen any female friendships blossom, not even in the team up movies. Carol and Maria, played by the amazing Lashana Lynch is a beautiful thing to see. Described by Brie Larson as the movies true love story, of friendship lost and then found again she couldn’t be more right. The pair have an amazing relationship, two women supporting each other and thriving in an industry dominated by men. Their mantra “higher further faster” a tribute to their ability to rise up together. They join Mar Vels programme together and support each other up until Carols “accident”. Their reunion upon Carol’s return to Earth is emotional and touching, Maria’s tears as she reminds Carol of who she is, is one of the most touching scenes in the film. Maria even helps during the films climax, egged on by Marias daughter, Monica. Monica also adds a sweet innocence to the movie, excited when Auntie Carol returns. Monica Rambeau also has a lot of interesting arcs in the comic universe also and it will be interesting to see if the MCU character follows suit. Carol and Fury: BROTP. Very few heroes have been able to go toe to toe with Fury’s charisma and imposing personality. Some obey (Steve, Natasha, Clint), some rebel (Tony), but few have ever felt like his equal. No one besides Carol has ever been able to create a playful comradery. Whether it’s a symptom of being younger or less jaded doesn’t seem right, because he’s still badass. Carol is probably the first person to ever knock him down a few pegs (“Congratulations agent Fury you just asked a relevant question.) Like Carol he goes against his superiors in favour of what he thinks is right. Brie Larson and Samuel L Jackson have electric chemistry, throwing barbs and having each other’s backs when it counts. The fact that the two actors are close friends helps with the organic evolution of their characters connection. The fact that Fury kept the beeper on his person for twenty or so years is a testament to how much he trusts Carol. SKRULLS: Be careful who you trust. The Skrulls an alien race of green shape shifters who can take on the form of any being that they encounter and seamlessly blend in, essentially taking over planet one person at a time. A huge plotline in Marvel comics, the Kree versus skrull war is the movies central conflict. Carol is told that essentially the Skrulls are baddies and her team of noble warrior Kree are all that stand between the shape shifter and total domination. The fact Marvel has trouble creating memorable or impactful villains, who’s motivations are usually unimportant, never to be heard from again. (Loki and Thanos are exceptions.) The Kree as a concept are pretty terrifying, unseen they could take over family or friends without you knowing, and their original forms are like scary green goblins. Ben Mendelsohn plays their leader Talos, a charismatic leader with a single purpose in mind who will do anything to reach his goals. Mendelsohn comedic timing coupled with a thick Australian accent puts him above a lot of the blander villains. His fear of Goose is particularly hilarious. But it’s once you find out why he’s doing what he’s doing that he and the Skrulls become more. If you follow the news or pay attention to the state of the world right now the plight of the Skrulls will feel really familiar to you. Misplaced and hounded by an army that is far better armed, just looking for a planet of their own. Obviously, their methods are pretty insidious and wrong, which highlights how desperate this group of characters are. This helps in developing Carol as a character, who makes the conscious choice to go against her “team” or the Kree and does what she thinks is truly the right thing. The Goose is Loose. Lastly, the little scene-stealer Goose the cat/flerken! Not everyone is a cat person, but everyone should be a Goose person. Where he came from is a little vague, and why he came to earth is unknown. Fury loves him, Carol loves him. The only person who doesn’t is Talos, which is a hilarious gag. His flerken moments are disturbing and wild; his tesseract strength stomach is a site to behold. He is the only being besides Carol to melt Nick Fury’s heart, and he is the answer to one of the MCU’s last remaining huge questions: What happened to Nick’s eye? How does Captain Marvel fit into the MCU. We know the events of Captain Marvel occur before almost every event in the MCU bar Captain America’s origin. None of the other heroes exist in their current forms, no stones have been collected and no team has been formed. That last part, the idea of forming of the Avengers initiative comes right after Carol and Nick’s adventure, the name a nod to Carols air force days which is a nice touch. Coulson and Nick are young; their cgi faces actually work really well, after about 20 minutes it all starts looking really natural. The MCU tends to use it’s trump card when it wants to make a solid connection between movies and that is the tesseract. The cosmic cube has been owned by Nazis, Loki, Odin, and finally Odin. Another piece of the artefacts origin is put into place. However without remembering where the cube was after world war two you have to wonder how the cube was passed around so much afterwards. It isn’t used in Carol’s comic origin, and it doesn’t make total sense. It’s a very convenient plot device, but any other Kree object could have been put in it’s place. It does make Carol the strongest hero in the MCU however which is fitting, giving her the ability to travel so far from Earth that she has no clue about any of the events that happen in her absence until Fury pages her in the Infinity War post credit scene. Brie Larson’s explanation, that there are a lot of planets and species in the universe that need help besides Earth, is actually a pretty solid explanation. But is she really gone the whole time? Did she pop in occasionally to see Maria and Fury at any point? Did it take twenty years to help the Skrulls? All valid questions that aren’t answered. Where will the MCU go, after Endgame, now that it’s unleashed it’s most powerful force? It’s exciting to think future adventures could happen away from earth, that villains could potentially become stronger, Maybe Galuctus will pop up. Brie Larson and others have mentioned the possible appearance of Miss Marvel, Kamala Khan in the sequel, which would fit nicely with the films message of girl power and a lot of people would love to see. Wherever the MCU goes after Endgame is open ended, but Carol’s strength opens up so many exciting possibilities.

[vanquisher2099]

Part Seven: A Hacker Walks into a Club

Jade left the office with a feeling of impending doom hanging over her head. The sun had already set, but the night really never had a chance to take any sort of hold in the city, not with so many lights all over the place. Normally, she considered the bright city lights something of a comfort, but at the moment she would have welcomed the darkness. She felt far too visible out here, watched by eyes that she knew were probably unfriendly. Still, the important thing was not to panic. Her mind was running through any number of scenarios, all of them unpleasant.

Vanishing was out of the question, of course. The whole point was that someone had to keep an eye on Camila, and step in at the first sign of trouble. Except if her cover was well and truly blown, it was only a matter of time until Camila figured out who she really was, and while there was no guarantee Camila would take the opportunity for revenge (in fact, there was a much better chance she’d be willing to help), Jade just as soon would not find out. But to vanish would be to utterly admit defeat and, as far as she was concerned, resign herself to a life on the run. Still, it would at least give her the opportunity to hunt down Alayna. That was a tempting thought.

Jade shook her head, as if to clear it of the temptation. Alayna was, for all intents and purposes, dead. It wouldn’t do to go haring off after her and placing the both of them in danger, even if it would be immensely satisfying to see her face. File that away under plan B, Jade decided as she ordered a cab. A few minutes later, and she was sitting comfortably in silence as the automated cab took her to her destination: a small, out-of-the-way bar and (occasional) dance club on the west side of the city. While the cab drove, Jade pulled up a program on her computing rig that effectively functioned as an advanced privacy module – which was a fancy way of saying it blocked anyone from seeing her location. Normally, she didn’t bother with it, as it blocked everything, including navigation assistance, but as she’d called a cab (and as she really, really didn’t want anyone to be able to easily locate her at the moment), she made an exception.

With that accomplished, she began steeling herself for what would, inevitably, turn into a fight. What she was doing crossed a line that she and the others had all agreed they would try very hard not to cross. It was downright dangerous to even accidentally encounter one another, and they had drawn up plans to make certain that such accidents did not happen. There was, in essence, danger in the wrong person seeing more than one of them in one place, and while they’d both undergone some serious work to change their appearances, well… an AI was difficult to fool, after all.

Still, if anything was worth taking the risk for, it was this – and it was, after all, part of their contingency plan for any sort of emergency. Jade simply wasn’t sure what the next move should be. There was, simply put, not enough data available to her to be able to make the right call, and while getting the right data was possible, it was also far too much of a risk for her to declare herself so openly back in business. She needed, in essence, someone who was already pulling down the data, and that meant going to see Maesin.

The cab rolled to a stop and chimed to let Jade know her account had been debited the amount. Her hand hesitated over the door handle. “You could just run,” she thought to herself again. “You could run and find Alayna and find a nice place to just settle down and get out of this whole fucking business.” It was a tempting thought. Then she was getting out of the cab and heading into a sea of pulsing bass, bathed in a cool blue neon light that, if she was being honest, really was a bit much, even for a bar aiming for a grimy techno aesthetic.

It was crowded, which made Jade even more uncomfortable. She swallowed back her nerves, putting on the same professionally bored persona that she used at Ceres Industries, and hoped that she came off as stressed and in need of a drink rather than terrified and in need of a drink. Jade waved to catch the attention of the bartender, a younger-looking woman with short green hair.

“What can I get you?” Said with cheery professionalism.

Jade raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you a little young to be working in a bar?”

The bartender snorted. “Look at the eyes, lady. They make us look as young and attractive as they want.” Bright green eyes stared back at Jade, and there was an almost imperceptible flicker to one of them. “Now that your conscience re: corrupting the youth is salved, do you want a drink or not?”

“What’s the strongest drink you have?”

“Too expensive for you, probably.”

“I don’t know, I make quite a lot.”

“Your funeral.” The bartender shrugged and began mixing.

“You’re pretty good at that,” Jade said, conversationally.

“Just like they programmed me to be,” the android replied, depositing the drink in front of Jade with a flourish that was, if they were being honest, completely unnecessary.

Jade nodded her thanks and scanned her credit chip to pay for the drink. As she picked up the drink, she palmed the small chip stuck to the bottom of the glass and slid it into her wristband. A message popped up on her heads up display with a time and location data. After finishing her drink (which was in fact as strong as advertised), Jade felt some of the tension in her shoulders ease slightly. She did not, in spite of her desire to do so, order another drink. Instead, she waved the bartender over and ordered something nonalcoholic, which she sipped slowly, keeping an eye on the time and generally trying very hard to relax.

Eventually, Jade headed back out of the bar and hailed another cab, which took her to the meeting place the chip had indicated. It was a blind alley, of course, the sort of place where people tended to either do shady deals or murders. Jade peered into the alley dubiously, and looked around for a security camera to hack into. Unsurprisingly, there was nothing in range. Taking a deep breath, Jade walked down the alleyway, doing her level best to keep an eye out for anything murderous.

She noticed the movement to her left a split second too late for her to do anything about it. An electrified club came sweeping out of the darkness and quickly accomplished three things: first, it scrambled her computer, making sending any kind of distress signal impossible; second, it overloaded her night vision, effectively blinding her; and third (and perhaps the only one that mattered) it knocked her out cold. Jade’s body jerked and went limp, allowing her assailant to hoist her easily over their shoulder and walk into the night.

When Jade regained consciousness, she was unsurprised to find her computer was unable to send or receive any sort of signal – although the clock did let her know she’d been unconscious for only around five minutes. She also noticed that she’d been tied to a chair, which was bolted to the ground, and she was in what she was pretty sure was a basement. She was, in fact, inside a Faraday cage, which explained the lack of any signals to her computer.

The sound of footsteps on the bare cement floor caused her to refocus, and she was thoroughly unsurprised to see the bartender striding toward her.

“You know Maesin, this is a little over the top, even for you.”

“Is it? Because you know, one of the last times I got summoned to a meeting someone wiped my fucking memory. Forgive me if your sudden reappearance has me acting with an overabundance of caution.”

Jade rolled her eyes and tried to focus past the pounding headache. “Wiping your memory was your idea.”

Maesin’s fist slammed into the cage wall, causing Jade to jump. “It was not my idea, it was some past version of myself’s idea who was, I think, a fucking idiot. She knew I’d hate her for it and fucking did it anyway.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you then,” Jade said, sighing, “You know she did what she thought was right. Besides, you weren’t the only one she was hiding things from – at least some version of you had a say in it.”

Maesin smiled mockingly. “Would it help if I told you it was for your own good?”

“No.”

“Then we’re even, aren’t we?” Maesin said, a little acidly.

Jade snorted. “I guess.”

An uncomfortable silence stretched out between the two women for a while, then. Just as Jade was beginning to think she should have gone with plan B to begin with, Maesin opened the door to the cage and walked up to the chair to let Jade loose. Jade stood up, rubbing her wrists gingerly. Then she punched Maesin in the face, as hard as she could. Her hand exploded into pain, and she swore loudly.

Maesin didn’t really react, choosing instead to watch impassively as Jade cradled her hand. “Sorry,” she finally said, “I guess I deserved that.”

“Remind me to use a weapon next time.” Jade said through gritted teeth.

There was another long pause, before Maesin gave a performative sigh. “Do you want to tell me why you’re here, or would you rather we just glare at each other for a little longer?”

“You’re the one who knocked me out and stuck me in a Faraday cage.” Jade pointed out.

“Yeah, well, I would’ve put you in here even if I wasn’t being paranoid. There’s too many people with a lot of time and less respect for privacy.”

“Fair enough.” Jade took a deep breath, and decided to jump right into it. “D3m3t3r contacted Camila today.”

It was unfair, Jade thought, that Maesin had perfect control over her expressions. She remained completely stone-faced, although Jade knew it had to come as a surprise as she did not immediately respond to the news. Finally, “Did she?”

Jade nodded. “Sent a letter with a warning that there were spies in the organization. It included my ID and complete family history.”

“Your real family history?”

“No, no. But everything we put together? It was all there. And she highlighted it. Specifically.”

This got a frown out of Maesin. “Okay, so you’re blown.”

Jade wanted to agree and start talking about running, but something – maybe the thought that Alayna wouldn’t have given up, maybe not – got her to disagree. “Not quite. Camila didn’t seem like she bought the idea of me as a spy.”

“But you aren’t sure.”

“No, not really. I… she wants me to help track down whoever sent her the list. Except, obviously, I already know it’s D3m3t3r.”

Maesin hummed to herself thoughtfully. “Well, that’s something at least. But D3m3t3r… I mean, you know it can’t be her, right? She went dark years ago, and trust me, I would know if she was active again.”

“Well who else would have any interest in exposing me? And who else would sign off D3? Those seem like pretty firm indicators to me.” Jade ran a hand through her hair, exasperated. “What if she’s back up but somehow laid low enough to keep off your radar?”

“It’s super unlikely.” Maesin said. “Don’t forget, I took over as Madame Midnight for you. There’s nothing that goes on out there that I don’t at least get a rumor of.”

Jade frowned slightly at the memory of giving up her info broker persona. “Okay, so in that case, we’ve got someone trying to trade on D3m3t3r’s name. That doesn’t explain why they’d try to expose me. I mean, how did they even know our contingency plans? Not even D3m3t3r knew about those.”

“True, but if you knew where to look – and it was no secret in D3m3t3r’s organization that we were keeping an eye on Tower, remember – you would just need to look in the right spot. Could be they just assumed personal assistant was a good spot for a spy and flagged you to see if you’d get spooked.”

Jade’s face fell. “Which I did. Shit.”

“You followed the plan.” Maesin said, reassuringly, “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. You and I are nothing more than bartender and customer as far as anyone else knows. Well, unless you were tailed on your way to the alley, but I’m reasonably confident you weren’t. Any observation of you stopped the moment you stepped into the bar, according to my own surveillance. It’s frowned on in there.”

Jade felt a measure of relief. “Of course. We picked it specifically for that reason, didn’t we?”

“Yes, we did.” Maesin seemed at to think she’d done her best at mollification, and shifted subjects. “Back on topic though – Camila still trusts you?”

“At the very least, she wants me to think she still does. Like I said, she wants my help tracking the source of the message. Like, I’m supposed to bring her a list of potential private investigators who could help.”

“That is…” Maesin trailed off, thinking. “Not the worst thing you could do, really.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that we need to know who the hell is running around claiming to be D3m3t3r as much as Camila does – I mean, probably more than she does, if we’re being honest. If we have to warn Alayna…”

“You know where she is?” Jade somehow managed to keep her voice even. “I sent her a note when I found out she was… you know. But I don’t know if the courier ever found her. I uh, I specifically told him not to tell me if he did, honestly.”

“Smart move. But no, I don’t know where she is.” Maesin said, only being slightly dishonest. “I know where to start looking,” she clarified, “but there’s a number of different identities we’d have to chase down to be sure.”

Jade nodded. “Okay, so then our plan is… I see what I can find with Camila’s resources? And we warn Alayna if we have to?”

“More or less. I’ll see what I can find out on my end. If there’s someone out there trying to use D3m3t3r’s name, it’s a sure bet they’re not going to be particularly friendly to us.”

“Right, well, I guess that’s a plan, then.” Jade gestured to the door of the cage. “I assume you’re going to show me the way out?”

Maesin nodded, and the two headed out of the cage. She led Jade up a flight of stairs to the ground floor of what turned out to be a storage facility, full of lockers for apartment dwellers to keep the things they couldn’t fit in their apartments (but couldn’t bear to part with) secure. Maesin opened one such locker and stepped inside, where Jade could see a set of power cables and a workstation humming quietly.

She couldn’t help a last comment. “You know, I liked the old HQ better.”

Maesin laughed. “Yeah, me too. Exit’s over there. There’s a bus stop two blocks south – it’ll take you back into the center of the city. Do me a favor and don’t reconnect to the network before you’re well away from here.”

Jade bit back a comment about how she was hardly in need of a lecture on proper spycraft, but thought better of it. Instead, she settled for, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” A pause. “You know, it was… good seeing you, somehow. Assault aside.”

“Yeah,” Maesin said, “It’s nice to see a familiar face once in a while, I guess.” Then, as Jade began to walk away, she called after her. “You know… I miss her too. She was my best friend.” There was an almost pleading tone to her voice.

Jade didn’t trust herself enough to turn around. “I know,” she said. “I’ll be in touch.”

Part Eight

Part Six

[clonerightsagenda]

TLC DVD Commentary: Jade’s arc (final)

Page 715, where Jade floats in front of the green sun, is as big as we could make it, but Gill really wanted to make it as big as your computer screen. Perhaps one day we’ll break the site to our will. The cracks are intended to be more or less the color of MSPFA's background, to give the sense that the comic itself is breaking down.

Her taking one moment to touch Bec's ears is perhaps laying the pathos on a bit much. But that is the last trace of her best friend that she has. She sacrificed him too in the name of getting a more "useful" tool for herself in Jadesprite, even if that backfired. Mostly, the Green Sun subplot deals with the way Jade has built her identity around her powerset, and now she has to give it up. But she is giving up that connection to Bec too.

I still really like the effect of the Green Sun falling away and the First Guardian energy coming out "toward" the reader. It keeps everything just a little weirdly meta. Meanwhile Jade's getting a chunk of her soul ripped out which is probably not rad. You'll notice Terezi and Davesprite floating in front of the lava lake on LOHAC directly after this update. That juxtaposition is intentional, mostly because there was this weird symbolic association between Davesprite and the Red Sun and self-destruction that I didn't know what to do with, so I just kinda... picked it up and moved it over to the lava lake and then wrote in a few art parallels to try to spackle over the change. Close enough.

Jade gets a Meaningful Haircut partly because I wanted to fuck up a character's Brand for once. Also, her super long hair is used to visually compare her to the Empress. I'm not saying long hair is bad, and I'm sure she'll grow it out again, but it's a dramatic visual shift. Similarly, in her next major conversation with Rose, she switches outfits, and she's frequently seen out of God Tier costume for the rest of the comic. She's no longer defining herself solely by her powers, which that outfit represents. She can just be herself.

Speaking of the conversation with Rose, we had a wild time decorating Jade's battleship room. If you look carefully at her bedspread, you will notice an abomination against god. AKA, a really bad jpeg'd version of Three Wolf Moon with space textures and Harley glasses over the wolves. Gill laughed so hard she had to lie down after making it. I have a link to the saga here.

The conversation is more relevant to Rose's arc, but I really wanted to make sure she and Jade got to chat because they don't in canon, and they have one of the better dynamics of the Beta kids. Rose is more open with Jade and in turn is more perceptive about her issues. I even lampshade that maybe they weren't allowed to talk because they would have sorted too much shit out.

On to the Dave conversation. Gill decided she was going to draw him flat on the ground for no reason, which means I had to overhaul the entire beginning of the log because I figured Jade would at least comment on it. If you look at his position, it's exactly how his body drops when he dies in Beatdown. Plus, he's covered by his swarm animal, which happens when you die and God Tier. Foreshadowing. Jade's issues with trust and truth come up again, but she's done this dance enough times that she's got it down pretty well and can stay calm. She also pushes Dave to use the sword, which brings up an issue that first gets highlighted back when she's Grimbark. Jade and Dave don't communicate great. Space players tend to be straightforward; Time players can be more abstract. So when Dave was trying to express why he objected to wielding Caledfwlch, Jade dismissed it as overdramatic whining without really grasping why he was upset. She starts the comic out with knowledge no one else has, which can make you pretty stubborn about he right way to do things. At times, especially while grimbark, that shades over to arrogance, like when she refuses to back down from Jake, boasts about how much smarter she is, and then gets curbstomped. Now, she pushes Dave to take the sword anyway. She'll regret it.

As a sidenote, canonically Jade never touches a gun after shooting Dave. Perhaps that's because she got God Tier powers, but considering she also learned she indirectly shot her grandfather, I figured she'd have a hangup. Who wouldn't?

Jumping to where she regrets it. Way back when Hussie talks about the fourth wall, he tells us that "if you knew Lord English's true name you'd know horror like no human ever has". In this situation, the you of the scene has referred to Jade. Why would it horrify Jade in particular? I don't know, and I don't know how to achieve horror like no human ever has, especially since that slot may well be filled by walking into a classroom thinking there was no homework and seeing everyone else with a paper on their desk, but thinking you fucked up an important mission and may have gotten two people killed ain't great.

Jade freaks out and Rose shows up with a juicebox. See, when I plan logs it helps me to imagine the characters doing something with their hands, for whatever reason. Usually I edit that out, but for a while I kept the characters with juice boxes because it seemed like a fun juxtaposition to the carnage being dished out in the main storylines. However, I told Gill to put the characters wherever, and they ended up on Prospit... which meant they were in the thick of said carnage. That led to some later revisions where Rose talks about something bad headed their way and in the end the log got a bit more serious, so the juice boxes felt a bit too lighthearted to put in the actual text. Still, Gill drew them in.

Dave and John get back, Jade Learns An Important Lesson about communication, and we finally get to put the Betas all in one place. It's about fucking time.

We're about caught up now, my guys. Jade's last big scene that we've had so far is coming back from Echidna with Karkat. She mentions that she's feeling a lot better about giving up her powers, because she's learned she can be helpful without them and it's a relief not to have to hold herself to such high standards. She's also learning to balance honesty with a genuine desire to be encouraging. Finally, looking back at how she was sort of primed by the game to "do her part" and then prototyped to be a tool, she's deciding to determine her own story instead. Overall, she's doing pretty good. As she should be, since we're close to the end! Most of her final walkaround logs will merely be emphasizing her new, more honest and open relationships with her friends and looking to the future. :)

[skold]

this post is Marina’s List Of Favorite and/or Iconic Music Videos

this could also be subtitled as: if you truly want to understand me as a person, watch these videos because it’ll answer a lot of questions

it’s gonna be a long one so i’ll pop it under a cut

alright we goin by artist then chronological

AIDEN

knife blood nightmare - this is iconic for me simply bc i rly wanted to look like wil in this video so bad in 6th grade.

die romantic - WHAT A BOP. i used to do my black eyeshadow like wil in this video too lmao

ALL TIME LOW

poppin champagne - because blonde alex and also?? honestly?? what a wild video. this is truly late 00s oversaturated pop punk at its finest

i feel like dancin - i’m not the biggest fan of this record or even this song in general but this is like, quintessential all time low to me video-wise. like. it’s everything i want from an all time low video.

ARCHITECTS

follow the water - or as sam carter says, follow the wah-uh. first of all i love that this is in a church. second of all when will i get to go to an architects show this lit here in the states

heartburn - bc they all look pretty. ok. aesthetically on point as well.

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

beast and the harlot - i don’t always bop this song but when i do, the whole cul de sac does too. no but really this was so influential to middle school me i wanted nothing more than a boyfriend who looked like zacky or jimmy and whatever eyeshadows zacky was wearing in this clip

BLINK 182

i miss you - the video that inspired this post. THE AESTHETIQUE. 20′s inspired romantigoth film noir. i don’t yell about this music video enough.

BRING ME THE HORIZON

chelsea smile - it’s literally just a house part video but the song literally defines the year 2009 for me. emetophobia warning at 1:08

it never ends - this video got mad shit but i love it. pretty heavy gore throughout this video

alligator blood - CREEPY ASS AESTHETIC SHIT!!!! i live for it. 16 y/o me had it so bad for matt nicholls and him getting tied up and violated was like, god tier for me

visions - more creepy aesthetic shit. the videos on there is a hell were underrated

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

hey john what’s your name again? - i gotta throw this one in just bc this hurls my ass right back to the year 2008. that bible imagery. those haircuts. it was a better time for music

html rules d00d - THIS SONG STILL SLAPS LMAO DON’T READ ME

ELISSA FRANCESCHI

salt - i’m not crying you’re crying!!! how did anne and christian franceschi manage to spawn two flawless and talented siblings!!!!!!

EVERY TIME I DIE

ebolarama - it’s a performance video in a roller rink what more could you want

wanderlust - you’ve probably caught on to the fact that i love creepy aesthetic shit.

decayin with the boys - THIS VIDEO HAS ME HOWLING. there are too many good moments to list here but the personal highlight is the dude admiring the lesbians making out, then he turns and admires they gays making out at about the 1:30 mark. also the jenga dream sequence. there’s a dick in this video, just a heads up. and a whole bootyass. i love andy williams. mild emetophobia tw at 2:30

FOXY SHAZAM

a dangerous man - eric nally’s screeching was the soundtrack of 2008

i like it - the chorus of this song is literally just “that’s the biggest black ass i’ve ever seen and i like it” and i have nothing more to say

holy touch - it’s a performance video but it’s. different. i really don’t wanna ruin this by saying too much about it. that’s just kinda how foxy shazam were. this song is a fucking banger. yes, they did have a trumpet player in the official lineup.

FRNKIERO ANDTHE CELLABRATION

joyriding - another performance video that’s. different. lmao. aesthetically perfect

GOOD CHARLOTTE 

lifestyles of the rich and famous -  the proletariat banger we weren’t ready for in 2002, but we’re ready now.

girls and boys - old people being punk rock. that’s all.

predictable - i SPECIFICALLY remember watching this on the good charlotte website the day this dropped. THE EARLY 2000S BAD CG IS REAL. i was literally ten years old but i somehow Felt every word of that spoken bridge, man. WHEN THE LITTLE GIRL GIVES JOEL THE ROSE AND IT TURNS BLACK i deadass thought that was so fucking dope y’all

i just wanna live - ignoring the irony of joel whining about being famous, this video had THE MEMES. 

GREEN DAY

longview - iconic simply by virtue of being their first video.

when i come around - ask me about my favorite songs of All Time and i’ll probably mention this one. it’s still great nowadays. i love all the shots of berkeley.

brain stew/jaded - this is such a great piece of art lmao the fucking. sludgy feeling of brain stew going into the chaos of jaded is great on the record, but even better in video form going from being stoned in sepia to tripping acid in an oversaturated cluttered space

walking contradiction - comedy gold

hitchin a ride - creepy weirdness and an iconic bassline. also mike dirnt looks fine as hell in this video

minority - i’m running out of ways to explain that a video is iconic to me purely bc of how important the song was to me at a given time lmao.

american idiot - is there anything i can truly say about this video? it was perfect in 2004, it’s perfect in 2017. uncomfortably relevant. epilepsy warning for strobe lighting effects in the second half

holiday - technically this was released before blvd, but since it chronologically precedes blvd in the story, i’m putting it first. this is like 90% here for the bridge section y’all. fucking iconic. i wore a fedora on the first day of sixth grade bc tre cool wore one in this video. not my proudest fashion moment. emetophobia warning at 1:56 but them playing EVERY character in the bar scene is perfection

boulevard of broken dreams - ah yes, 2005′s most overplayed song. i could not escape this song. every time the intro started everyone would just look at me bc i was The Green Day Chick. this video is aesthetically perfect though. shout out to mike dirnt’s jawline in profile

HOZIER

work song - first of all, this song makes me cry. second of all, the video is dreamy as fuck. it gives me irl chills. i love the choreography so much. the whole vibe is very modern southern gothic. and it’s incredibly intimate feeling without being... sexual or vulgar, i guess. 

IN THIS MOMENT

adrenalize - first of all i’m gay. second of all i’m gay. this video is decidedly nsfw

whore - aesthetically pleasing. chris motionless being subby is the real highlight here

sick like me - again, it’s here for the aesthetic.

big bad wolf - also aesthetic but THIS MAKEUP LOOK. maria’s makeup look in this video is actually literally my aesthetic goal. epilepsy warning for strobe light effects

sex metal barbie - say it with me: aesthetic. i also love this one bc the lyrics are largely lifted from people talking shit about maria on the internet, shaming her for being a woman with sexuality and agency, so fuck yes i support it. mild body horror warning for this one

JOHN 5

making monsters - john’s videos are mostly performance based but this one is so cute lmao. where do i cop a j5 action figure

LADY GAGA

paparazzi - i’m only including the RLY vital gaga videos here and the full version of paparazzi is her best work imo......

bad romance - .......but bad romance is a close second.

telephone - i can’t not include this one though. the collab of the decade.

LINKIN PARK

one step closer - i think this was the first linkin park video i saw Back In The Day......... it was 2 heavy 4 baby me at the time lmao but nowadays it’s one of my fave lp songs. the video is super corny let’s be real but it was 2000

numb - this song is so fucking emo but i love it. the video is like peak emo too. i swear the main girl in this video was like my fashion icon at the time. layered tank tops, ripped loose jeans, oversized hoodies and jackets. i wanted her hair so bad lmao

what i’ve done - this video is really visually solid. i thought this was like the Deepest Shit in middle school lmao

MARILYN MANSON

sweet dreams (are made of this) - THE CINNAMON TOPOGRAPHY!!! god i have no complaints about this video except that twiggy is in it. visual fx?? dope. wardrobe?? dope. location?? dope. manson in the wedding dress?? dope. unsanitary warning for the later half of the video bc manson gets pooped on by birds lmao

tourniquet - one of my fave vocal performances by manson tbh. i prefer this one of the two videos floria did w/ manson. 

long hard road out of hell - femme manson and religious imagery need i elaborate

the dope show - the first manson video i ever saw. i was... so creeped out lmao. LOOKS ON LOOKS ON LOOKS. john 5 lookin like a snack in this one

i don’t like the drugs (but the drugs like me) - this is probably the most heavy-handed manson has ever been with the christ allegory lmao and yet......... i love it. also shout out to manson and rose’s dogs bug and uncle fester for guest starring. body horror tw here

coma white - basically a flawless music video i have nothing to say here that isn’t already said by the video itself

disposable teens - everybody looks great in this one except twiggy fuck twiggy. i actually love the mtv version of this video too, which is all performance, but i can’t seem to find it rn??

the fight song - one of my fave manson looks. those boooooots tho. the gloooovessssss. i’m gross let me live

tainted love - sorry to send y’all to vimeo for this one but i couldn’t find one on youtube that didn’t look like it was filmed with a potato or watermarked. y’all slept on the genius of this video tbh

mobscene - hello it is me gaogfucker666. 

this is the new shit - still me, gaogfucker666. this video feels misinterpreted too honestly

(s)AINT (director’s cut) - specifically the director’s cut bc more tim skold in a dress and boots smoking a cigarette. this video is seriously fucking nsfw. needles, drugs, sexual content, vomit etc watch with caution pls

personal jesus - i love this glam rock look so much. tim looks so good in this he never wore the look again bc he knew he looked so good we could never handle it a second time.

putting holes in happiness - I CAN’T FIND the extended version with tim’s full solo and i wanna scream. but. here’s the official version

say10 (short) - i really fucking wish he’d compounded off this for the official say10 video, beheaded orange man or not. just the verse. it’s so good. moody and creepy and AHHH.

we know where you fucking live - heed the warning at the beginning lmao. i honestly loved this video. i know some people thought it was edgy but i rly rly don’t see that. it’s offensive and obscene yeah but it doesn’t have that edgelord feel, as much as i love to call him an edgelord.

MOTIONLESS IN WHITE

reincarnate - old school horror vibes!!! as a Humble Fetishist of Boots and Gloves, this is a great video. also this is one of those songs where i Feel the lyrics for real

eternally yours - THE COLORS!!! THE FUCKIN IN A COFFIN!!!! i have nothing more to say

MOTLEY CRUE

looks that kill - please watch this corny ass fuckin 1983 ass hair metal ass music video. please. i’m tryna add more shout at the devil era nikki sixx vibes to my wardrobe tbh

wild side - i love a late 80s arena performance video ok also where do i cop nikki’s shirt

dr. feelgood - i will always credit this as one of the songs that made me want to play bass tbh

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

vampires will never hurt you - too emo to view with the naked eye.

i’m not okay (i promise) - the video that spawned a million high school AUs. god i love this one. even watching without the nostalgia goggles it’s great.

helena - perhaps my favorite music video of all time? if not then top 3. this video still remains my ideal aesthetic 12 years later. HOW I’M TRYNA BE. i just wanna look like an extra in this video, okay.

the ghost of you - time to cry!!!!! emetophobia warning at 0:47

welcome to the black parade - it’s hard for me to talk about these videos bc they’re so universally iconic that to explain why i love them so much would be mostly redundant.

famous last words - see above. this song means the world to me

desolation row - if i had to pick a video other than helena to look like an extra in i’d pick this one. has gerard ever looked this good, before or after this video?? peak.

NINE INCH NAILS

down in it - these are getting linked to vimeo since the official nin account has them all uploaded there in better quality. anyway i love so many of the shots in this video and i love the colors and i love bab trent

head like a hole - SO dated y’all but bab trent leveled up and became baby dread trent.

happiness in slavery - this is seriously graphic. but it’s great. also where’s the extended version that shows trent getting eaten by the weird carnivorous robot

gave up - bABY BRIAN!! infants, y’all. INFANTS.

march of the pigs - it’s a one-take performance video but it’s...... so much more than that. this video hurts me in my hand/glove kink.

closer - this is in the top 3 with helena honestly. it is... a piece of art film before all else. a Must Watch. 

burn - another case of a video being important to me because of the song it’s for tbh.

the perfect drug - marc romanek is a GOD. also a piece of art film honestly. just y’all wait till i make my dnd character based on trent in this video lmao

starfuckers, inc - hm, another nin video that trent invited manson to be in. interesting. all memes aside it’s a great video even as much as i hate the use of the “fat = ugly” trope. epilepsy warning for flashing effects in the last part of the video

deep - why. are. y’all. SLEEPING ON THIS!!!!

only - this may have been the first nin video i willingly saw and recognized as nin. this video still holds up, especially with it being 95% cgi and still looking as good as it does.

ROB ZOMBIE

living dead girl - the theme song of my life??? iconic couple costume idea????

meet the creeper - i have to include this video because it’s BAD. it’s terrible and i fucking love it

american witch (live version) - WHEN ROB PICKS UP JOHN AND STARTS SPINNING HIM AROUND!!!! this is here specifically for all the long hair john content

dead city radio and the new gods of supertown - the aesthetic. everybody looks great. matt is in a gorilla suit

well everybody’s fucking in a ufo - highly nsfw. where do i begin with this fucking hot mess...... sheri’s huge fake boobs. john and matt and ginger as astronauts. john jerkin off. the aliens with dicks. the fact that the whole story is about getting gang banged by aliens???? nothing will ever reach this level

SKOLD

self titled promotional clip - epilepsy warning for a lot of flashing and smash cuts. sort of a few partial music videos in one, but there are only two official skold videos, so i gotta include both of them. the quality is garbage. it’s so incredibly 1996. yet i love it. the last song, anything, is pretty nsfw as in there’s actual femdom porn clips but this is why i love it.

better the devil - if there were more skold videos i’d put them here. but as i said there are only two. tim out there lookin like not just a snack but a full course meal in 4k quality. goddamn. the only man i can ever truly call d*ddy. tiffany and eli lookin like delicious side dishes as well.

TAKING BACK SUNDAY

you’re so last summer - flava flave is in it

this photograph is proof - this song makes me so fucking nostalgic............. it transports me right back to eighth grade lmao. tbs were one of my fave bands in middle school.

makedamnsure - the most emo song of all time?? side note regarding tbs: real talk, being fat in middle school, seeing another fat person in a band was so fucking reassuring and great. i love eddie. 

liar (it takes one to know one) - these visual effects are SO cool, even now.

YOU ME AT SIX

jealous minds think alike - ART... no but actually look at these literal fetuses. i fucking love this song. it’s probably my fave track on take off your colours.

kiss and tell - you right it’s another house party video BUT. baby josh with an undercut. he must be 18 or barely 19 here??

liquid confidence - WHEN YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

stay with me - jkfljkghdfskljgs okay serious time: this song got me through a seriously rough part of my life and i have the title tattooed on me partially because of the video. 

loverboy - i have never seen a fandom in such utter chaos as the ymas fandom was on the day this video dropped. holy fucking shit. the THIRST was REAL. 

bite my tongue - peak ymas captured in one music video. that’s truly the most important part. that peak sns era ymas was preserved forever in this video.

lived a lie - is it bad if i still kinda want a “we are believers” tattoo lmao. i really....... love this song a lot. is it obvious by now that ymas love a big chorus lmao

give - this song gives me The Feels. it deserved better than a performance video in an empty arena but it’s all we got, so here it is.

[krystangreen-blog]

Looking for original things to do in Saigon? After several months exploring this city, we have some unique ideas to round out your itinerary.

Some suggestions are hidden gems, known only to locals and expats. Others involve popular attractions but in novel and entertaining ways. Maybe you’re on a package tour and seeking to fill a “free day” in Saigon.

Maybe you’re an independent traveler and seeking the offbeat. Either way, we hope these tips help you have a better, richer, more individualized experience in Saigon.

What About the Classic Things to Do in Saigon?

You can read our list of standard highlights in another post.

This is a supplementary list of lesser-known things to do in Saigon.

Have a better, richer, more individualized experience in Saigon.Click To Tweet

1. Adventure Eating

Vietnamese food is absolutely delicious 99.9% of the time, but it can also be extreme and exotic. If you want to push your culinary limits, try adventure eating at Bo Cap Lua Restaurant.

They serve tarantulas, scorpions, lizards, live worms, fried worms, and other “unspeakable” items. You can see more of the disgusting things we ate at Bo Cap Lua.

Bo Cap Lua 17B 11th Street Go Vap District Ho Chi Minh City

  2. Jade Emperor Pagoda “Secret” Canal Walk

The Jade Emperor Pagoda is one of the popular things to do in Saigon. But few know about the lovely canal, only a few hundred feet away.

After you visit the Jade Emperor Pagoda, take a stroll along the canal. It can turn this common attraction into an uncommon experience.

You’ll glimpse an unseen side of Saigon. Quiet streets, quaint neighborhoods, and several other temples line the canal.

You can simply enjoy the peaceful beauty of the canal or use it to structure a “temple crawl.” There are many temples on the canal to explore, but we recommend visiting Vinh Nghiem Pagoda (Mahayana Buddhism) and Wat Chantaransay (Theravada Buddhism).

Combined with the Jade Emperor Pagoda, which is Taoist, you’ll see 3 radically different styles of spirituality (that exist in the same small community). AND you’ll enjoy a scenic walk, away from the chaotic streets of Saigon.

You can see more photos and read the full details of this canal walk here. It includes directions to the canal and info on why this canal is the biggest environmental accomplishment in Saigon.

  3. Suoi Tien Buddhist Amusement Park

Suoi Tien is the craziest amusement park in Vietnam (maybe all of Asia). It’s actually a combination culture park/amusement park.

Suoi Tien has a sprawling waterpark, the longest roller coaster in Vietnam, and all the fun stuff you’d expect. But the massive Buddhist monuments and active temples (next to the rides!) make Suoi Tien a unique travel experience.

It’s a surreal mash-up of deep Buddhist culture AND superficial amusements. Even if you’re not interested in the rides, the gargantuan sculptures and monuments are worth the price of admission (which is only $5USD).

Suoi Tien offers some of the most spectacular sights and is one of the most unusual things to do in Saigon.

Check out more photos of the amazing park here.

Hours: 8am – 530pm

Address: 120 Hanoi Highway Tan Phu Ward District 9, HCMC

  4. The Amazing Viet Show

The Amazing Viet Show is a fun way to unwind after a day of sightseeing. Saigon has many entertaining shows, but this is the wackiest. It features “extraordinary people” with “unusual talents.” Or you could call it a Vietnamese freak show – with a difference.

The headline acts are contortionists, sword swallowers, and the like, but between those acts are song and dance performances featuring Vietnamese music and costumes.

Vanessa had her first cyclo ride at the Amazing Viet Show. A man put these contraptions in his eyes and pulled a cyclo full of people across the stage! You can read more about that crazy story here.

Tickets start at 640,000VND ($28US). The best place to buy tickets is at the theater because they often offer in person discounts.

The Amazing Viet Show is performed at the V Show Theater. 147 Cach Mạng Thang Tam Street District 3, HCMC

  5. Binh Quoi Tourist Village

Binh Quoi Tourist Village is a rural oasis in the heart of the city. It looks like a Traditional Village on the Mekong Delta. It’s a staged reproduction, but it’s beautiful, peaceful, and entrance is free.

Binh Quoi Village feels like entering a different world and different era. You can relax in bamboo huts that line the many waterways. You can paddle a boat on the lake. You can scramble across monkey bridges. And more.

There are even restaurants and a hotel if you desire. The best time for a peaceful visit is on weekday mornings. There’s a large, traditional buffet on weekend evenings, but it’s more crowded (and you can’t see the scenery in the dark).

Find out more about Binh Quoi Tourist Village in this post.

Binh Quoi Tourist Village 147 Binh Quoi Street Binh Thanh District, HCMC

  6. AO Show at the Saigon Opera House

The Saigon Opera House is one of the most historic landmarks of the city. Every Saigon visitor comes to the Opera House for sightseeing, but few actually watch a performance.

Take your Opera House experience to the next level by catching the AO Show. Often called “Bamboo Cirque,” it’s like a Cirque du Soleil show about contemporary Vietnamese culture. The AO Show combines acrobatics, dance, and dazzling choreography.

It’s not only a great show that’s fun and amazing. It’s also a great travel experience that meaningful and gives insight into the culture. The central theme is how rapid modernization and urbanization is changing Vietnam (for better and worse).

Tickets start at 630,000VND ($27US). It’s best to buy tickets at the Opera House. Check for package deals that include dinner at a local restaurant too. These are often a bargain.

Saigon Opera House 7 Lam Son Square District 1, HCMC

  7. Live it Up in Phu My Hung

Speaking of rapid modernization and urbanization, visit Phu My Hung to see a different (wealthier) side of Saigon. Located just 15 minutes from downtown, Phu My Hung is an upscale neighborhood that offers high-end dining, shopping, and entertainment.

An evening here can be both fun and enlightening. You’ll have a high-end experience, and you’ll see how Vietnam’s growing middle-class lives.

There are many easy options here. We recommend visiting the Crescent Mall, but not really for the shopping. There’s a pretty lake behind the mall and a picturesque walkway around the lake. Several fine restaurants line the walkway. And at the end, there’s the Starlight Bridge.

At night, this bridge doubles as a water fountain and puts on a lovely light show. For dinner, we recommend Cham Charm Restaurant. It’s a rather expensive seafood buffet, but the décor is beautiful. The theme is the ancient Cham civilization of Vietnam.

Much of Saigon (and Vietnam) is rather poor, but that’s not the whole story. The temptation is to make the poor rural farmer the symbol of Vietnam. That’s still partially true, but a complete picture must also include Vietnam’s growing middle class.

You can glimpse their changing lifestyle and values in Phu My Hung.

Crescent Mall 101 Ton Dat Tien Street District 7, HCMC

  8. Mix with Locals at Tao Dan Park

Tao Dan Park is a big, beautiful park in Saigon. It’s one of the few green spaces in Saigon, and it’s a great place to mix with locals. Early morning is the best time to visit. The whole community comes out to enjoy the cool morning air. Locals of all ages and from all walks of life meet here to socialize and exercise.

The whole community comes out to enjoy the cool morning air. Locals of all ages and from all walks of life meet here to socialize and exercise.

You’ll see people practice a wide variety of martial arts, including Tai Chi. Dancing is another popular activity at Tao Dan. You’ll see everything from Asian Fan Dancing to Waltzing to group Line Dancing.

Most of these are open and communal. So it’s your chance to conquer the language barrier through physical activity and play. Know a little Tai Chi or a bit of line dancing, join in. Why not?

It may be one of your most memorable moments in Saigon. Read more about Tao Dan Park here.

Tao Dan Park lies along Truong Dinh Street, between Nguyen Du Street and Nguyen Thi Minh Khai Street.

  9. Traditional Culture Show at the Golden Lotus Theater

If you want to taste classic Vietnamese culture, check out the Golden Lotus Theater. It’s the most enjoyable “traditional” dance and music show in Saigon.

This is a fun show with all the elaborate costumes, vibrant dances, and soulful music you’d expect and few things you wouldn’t. Like a 1000-year-old water puppet show that ends with fireworks.

We stress enjoyable and fun because authentic performances of ancient culture can drag on. Let’s be honest, as interesting as they may be culturally and historically, they tend to get boring for the average visitor.

At the Golden Lotus Theatre, the show maintains a quick, entertaining pace. You can read more about this show here.

The Golden Lotus Theatre is inside the Rex Hotel. 141 Nguyen Hue Street District 1, HCMC

  10. La Fênetre Soleil– For a Quirky  and Cross-Cultural Evening

By day, it’s a mild-mannered café. By night, La Fênetre Soleil is quirky hub for cross-cultural encounters. This Vietnamese club has a French name, serves Indonesian food, specializes in live Jazz music, but has weekly Salsa dancing on Wednesdays and weekly Swing dancing on Sundays. And that’s not all.

They also host a variety of special events too. One of our favorites was a presentation by the “Saigon Storytellers” group – where some locals and expats told true but well-crafted stories from their lives (kinda like The Moth podcast).

So if you’re looking for a different kind of nightclub in Saigon, try La Fênetre Soleil. Contact the club for what’s happening during your visit.

Phone: 08 3824 5994

Address: 44 Ly Tu Trọng District 1, HCMC

There are many other unique things to do in Saigon. Of course, the best will be the ones you create. Hopefully, this list helps with both specific tips and ideas to spark your own imaginative itinerary.

Enjoy Saigon!

Which things to do in Saigon interest you? If you’ve been to Saigon, we’d love to hear your unique tips?

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