#also it was the 90s so he didn’t have access to all of the dirty deeds cops do on the regular

[pastelchad]

Annoying that people say that Leon’s entire character is police and military propaganda when his entire character arc revolves around how the greed of the few big bosses at Umbrella and the corruption of the US government ruined his life

[markdyerhere]

On Tech Support

On May 5, 2023 I got a call that changed my life.

I had just accepted a job offer to work for the Browser Company of New York!

I walked up the stairs to our apartment with great news and my wife told me to sit down. My Mum had called. My Dad had to be rushed to the hospital. He was bleeding internally and it looked like he was suffering renal failure. We flew out to be with him and my Mum. He passed away 9 days later.

My Dad is one of the reasons I’m good with computers.

Dad went to college to learn how to use computers back in the 70s — this was back when computers would take up whole rooms and you had to input commands with punch cards.

He brought home our first home computer in the late 90s; a chunky Compaq Presario that clicked like a bottle nose dolphin as it chugged along. The Compaq was mainly for his side hustle (a carpet cleaning business) and for me and my brothers to do our school work (the side hustle was helping to pay our school fees), but it quickly became my direct portal to the skateboarding article on Encarta and pokemon.com.

Dad’s main job was the night production manager for the Royal Gazette — a job he had for close to 40 years. He would often talk about how he missed the sound of a newsroom. The clacks and thunks of typewriters, the ringing of phones, the chaos of people coming together to make a paper every day. I couldn’t imagine how the Gazette could ever have been a loud place when I would visit him at work. It was deafeningly quiet! He would plop me in front of a computer to play Minesweeper and the only sounds you could hear were my mouse clicks.

Since Dad worked at night, he had a good chunk of hang time waiting for the paper to be ready to go to production. He would listen to internet radio stations, read interesting articles and forward dirty joke emails from his coworkers. When I left home for university my procrastinating study hours and his work hours would sync up. We would email each other links to cool music, videos, articles and, since I was old enough, the odd dirty joke email forward. But we mostly just chatted.

We started saying “I love you” over email

He was a great writer — he wrote just like he spoke — and both of our conversation styles lent themselves to the time delayed back and forth of email. I say something, you read it and think about it, you send a considered response back with a little something extra. Repeat.

We started saying “I love you” over email. We were always close, but we both had a hard time talking about our feelings especially when I was a teenager. Being apart, but still staying in touch over email gave us the space to feel comfortable saying we loved each other. We had no trouble saying it after that — it was one of the first things we said to each other when I could finally come home for Christmas in December 2022.

Tech is very expensive where I come from (about 30% more expensive than the US), so whenever I go home I roll up like Tech Santa with a bag full of laptops, tablets and phones. The Compaq Presario was long gone and Dad’s laptop had seen better days. Dad was a long time Windows user — he wrote his memoirs in Microsoft Word — so he was keen to stay on something familiar.

I got him a Surface Laptop 3. I walked him through setting up Windows 11. I arranged his bookmarks bar in Chrome so he could quickly access his email, Facebook, Youtube and, most importantly, his memoirs which we’d uploaded to Google Drive. He was so happy to have all of his stuff moved over to his new computer and relieved that his memoirs were properly backed up.

Going through his browser after he died was some of the most heartbreaking work I’ve ever done

After he passed away I helped my Mum with the gut wrenching task of cleaning up Dad’s digital life. I made sure she had access to his email and important logins so she could deal with closing accounts and adjusting billing names. I also memorialized his Facebook page to ensure it didn’t get hacked and start spamming friends and relatives with crypto scams.

Dad had several strokes leading up the internal bleeding and renal failure in May 2023. Honestly back in Christmas 2022 he had only recently recovered from his last stroke and he wasn’t quite himself. Going through his browser after he died was some of the most heartbreaking work I’ve ever done. The bookmarks bar that we had carefully set up together was riddled with duplicates — Facebook, Youtube, Google Drive over and over spilling out into a drop down menu. My Dad knew his way around computers. He had been using them since they took up a whole room. I knew some damage had been done after the strokes, although he was very good at hiding it and I don’t think I was ready to admit it at the time. But with him gone and looking into his computer, his window to the world, I couldn’t deny what I had known for at least a year. My Dad had strokes, my Dad had internal bleeding, my Dad was dying, my Dad was gone.

These things — computers, web browsers — they’re not just inert tools waiting to be picked up and used. The more you use them, the more they become a part of you and you of them. The laptop lid gets scratched, coffee is spilled onto the keyboard, cords become frayed, bookmarks get bundled up into folders to be forgotten, passwords get scribbled on sticky notes and then reset again, tabs sit open for months just in case, URLS and search queries are typed in repeatedly just because you’ve built up the muscle memory — facebook, youtube, google drive, pokemon.com.

We’re all about to be new at this again

A developer friend of mine once said to me, “the future is here and we’re all bad at it”. University level STEM students don’t know how file paths work, they don’t teach kids to type anymore and more and more jobs across a variety of fields require some degree of computer literacy. Everyone is expected to just know how to use computers, but as my Mum would say “I’ve never had a lesson!”. As we head into the next phase of computing — where you work with the computer instead of simply using the computer — much of your interactions will be through AI language models, but even the people building those don’t really know how they work. We’re all about to be new at this again — new at computers, new at web browsers, new at everything. Now more than ever, we’re all going to need some help. Hopefully that help comes from someone who understands what you’re going through, what you’re trying to get done and can meet you where you’re at.

What we’re building is so much more than just a portal to websites

On June 5 2023 I started a job that changed my life. I started working at the Browser Company of New York!

I help to build Arc, a product that I love, with some of the most talented, thoughtful and inspiring people I’ve ever met. I helped bring Arc to Windows, so people like my Dad could use this very special browser that feels like my home on the internet.

I truly feel like I’m doing the best work of my life and that’s because what we’re building is so much more than just a portal to websites. It’s where you do your work. It’s where you hang out with friends. It’s where you pirate anime, do your taxes and send emails to your Dad.

It’s where you live your life. As we continue to build I hope to be that human voice on the other side of the computer that helps you feel like Arc is for you, for your stuff, for your life. I want to help Arc feel like home. See you on the internet ✌️ Love you, Dad!

[hollowed-theory-hall]

I get why you prefer to think wizards aren't homophobic, I often decide to ignore what canon implies and go: wizarding world is chill with same-sex relationships and they have a magic way to create babies, I think it's a fun and viable fanon. But when I'm thinking about canon, I don't think that's how the wizarding world operates. To each their own interpretation, but a society like we see that barely tolerates muggleborns and has laws in place against employing werewolves and giving wands (that might function as their IDs) to other humanoid creatures is likely not a tolerant one.

Obviously, everyone can headcanon anything they want, and I don't mean to come off as aggressive or anything, I'm just stating what I think is likely based on what we see in the books.

I mean, sure, Harry doesn't meet all the couples in the Wizarding World, but I don't think the Yule Ball, for example, had a single same-sex couple dancing together, at least, not one Harry mentions. Considering Harry grew up in the UK in the 90s with the Dursleys who are likely homophobic, I think he would've made a passing mention of it in his mind if he saw it.

The high level of education at Hogwarts doesn't mean much, the wizarding world is an incredibly bigoted one when it comes to creatures, muggles, and part creatures (like Hagrid or Flitwick), not to mention house-elves slavery that is treated as the norm. So education isn't helping them there. Also, considering Binns has been teaching history for who knows how long, that class isn't helping anyone. Also, from what we see of the Hogwarts curriculum, they don't seem to be taught much critical thinking if at all. Most of what they study is based on memorization and following instructions instead of theory and logic according to which spells work.

And even with Dumbledore and Grindelwald's alleged romance Rita wrote about, she actually never mentions them being in a relationship. She consistently refers to it as a friendship in her book:

Albus Dumbledore, shortly after his mother's death, with his friend Gellert Grindelwald.

(DH, 353)

Barley two months into their great new friendship, Dumbledore and Grindelwald parted.

(DH, 358)

’Course, if things were different, it’d be huge news, Dumbledore being pals with Grindelwald, but now it’s just something to laugh about for people who didn’t like Dumbledore, and a bit of a slap in the face for everyone who thought he was such a good bloke. I don’t know that it’s such a big deal, though. He was really young when they — ”

(DH, 390) - Ron about what everyone is saying about the relationship — they're pals, not lovers.

If same-sex relationships were common enough or something her audience would find easy to believe, I don't see why she wouldn't write about them being romanticly involved, considering the point of her book and her desire for sales. But if the Wizarding World treats homosexuality as a dirty, unspoken thing like Lycanthropy, it makes sense she wouldn't write about it, it might be taking it a step too far even for her audience (and even more so if she wants to break into a wider market).

As for women's rights, the first woman minister of magic was elected in 1798, so it's possible the wizarding world is more equal in its treatment of men and women, and magic actually explains that. Magic is an equalizer when it comes to gender since it means everyone has access to this same skill that is used for their wars, and everyday life, where gender doesn't matter. Because magic is part of their culture, it makes sense there would be less of a difference in rights between men and women, but it doesn't necessarily imply the same for homosexuality or anything else. I mean, even wizards/witches that can do magic aren't necessarily treated as having the same rights (again werewolves and muggleborns) and creatures have it even worse.

Now, I'm not saying it's impossible to have a magical way to produce children, but whether it's magically viable or not doesn't immediately correspond to whether it's acceptable or not. You mentioned children born from wizards/witches and goblins or giants, we see they are referred to by some of wizarding society as filthy half-breeds, they aren't without their stigma. Madam Maxime refuses to acknowledge she is a half-giantess because of how unaccepted it is and she doesn't want to deal with the discrimination that comes with it. Now, I don't think the entire wizarding world has the same level of intolerance, but, personally, I don't think gay marriage is legal, for example, and I'm sure some circles see it as more scandalous than others.

I get why you'd prefer to see them as more tolerant, I often do it too, and you can choose to interpret a fictional world however you want, I just don't see the wizarding world like that from what the books show us.

Hi! Curious as to your headcanons on how Harry would realize he’s gay/come out? I like to imagine him not realizing it until he’s blundered his way into a relationship with a man, but surely he would be to clever for that 😆

Lol, I mean, yeah, Harry is clever, but not when it comes to relationships as he so adequately demonstrates throughout the books. That being said, I think it has more to do with his hectic situation rather than his intelligence. He just has other priorities — like, not dying. I saw someone suggest that by book 7, Harry is somewhat aware of his orientation with his: "not my type, but he'll do" comment to a polyjuiced Ron asking how he looks.

Like, I think Harry was aware he finds men attractive since 4th year, but he didn't really know what it means because he had other priorities. Like, he'd think he just finds guys attractive but it's normal, he has eyes, after all. But in general, I think the moment Harry is not in immediate life-threatening danger, he would figure it out. Just give him a moment to relax. It might take another failed relationship like Cho, but I really believe that he would get there on his own.

It probably wasn't anything big or grand either, just, kinda like a gradual understanding of: "huh, I guess I don't like girls" that eventually leads to "huh, I always thought guys are hot". (If we ignore the epilogue we can say he had this moment of epiphany while camping in the woods, I mean, there was a lot of silent time for introspection there, or maybe through a talk with Hermione/Ron)

If we go with canon-divergence for fic purposes when he's younger and is still wrapped up in, like, 3 plots to kill him a year, he might just blunder into a relationship with a guy and only realize it's a relationship later. But, Harry is smart enough to know that if he's holding hands and cuddling with someone that isn't a usual friendship for him. Especially if this is after his disaster date with Cho where he dreaded her wanting to hold his hand or kiss him again. Harry would notice if he was interested in that compared to with Cho, that he actually wants to spend time with this guy and likes looking at him and being close to him, but it might take him a while still. It's also very possible [male Harry ship of your choice] would be the one to basically tell Harry what they have is a relationship, but it really depends on the specific canon divergence. In general, it's less likely Harry would start this relationship as he is in a quest to be normal (which is part of why he decided he has a crush on Cho), she's a safe option — pretty, good at Quidditch, and appearing unattainable when he chose her. Point is, I don't see the Hogwarts-aged Harry pursuing a relationship with a guy without certain changes to get him there (the guy of your choice might though).

Alternative to this situation, it could be Ron or Hermione who bring it up to Harry, with Ron being the more likely of the two to bring it up. I think Ron has known since 5th year that Harry is gay, Hermione doesn't seem to really know, but by 7th year she probably figured it out (I mean, even in the muggle world this is the UK in 90s, it's not like being gay was overly accepted). So, they could also bring it up to him.

As for coming out, I feel like he would accidentally joke about it a bunch, like in that book 7 comment and most people would think it's just a joke, but I think Ron and Hermione would clue in early he actually means it. Ron at least would have already known and both I believe would be supportive of Harry. I think a bunch of others would be told as well, I think most Weasley kids won't have a problem with it at all (Ginny is likely to be disappointed, but I don't think she'd be mean about it to Harry). I think Molly and Arthur might struggle a little, due to ignorance rather than malice, but they would definitely be kind and try to be supportive. Arthur would probably mention some Weasley cousin who's gay as a way to connect to Harry because I'm sure there is one. Sirius would support everything Harry does and chooses (and he himself is likely, not straight) so, yeah.

Beyond that, coming out more publicly would heavily depend on the Wizarding World's approach to homosexuality. I personally believe they don't treat it great and it's kind of an unspoken thing — considering we don't see any gay relationships in the books, their focus on legacy and producing children, and the characters that are mentioned to be unmarried seem to live like confirmed bachelors (Dumbledore, Aunt Muriel, Alphard and Cassiopeia Black, etc.). Also, considering Harry's dislike of the Prophet and the attention he receives, I don't see him choosing to ever make it public knowledge since it's none of their business.

I imagine Witch Weekly keeps placing Harry in number 1 their Most Eligible Bachelors list years after he has already moved to live with a "close male friend" of his (choose who to your preference). And like, everyone knows, but no one would really acknowledge it. Whenever Harry is asked about "when he's gonna settle down" by some interviewer or random ministry personnel or some foreign ambassador he needs to be held back from throwing hands when younger. Later in life he probably gets used to it, besides, the older he gets, eventually the questions would stop, I imagine. It's also possible eventually attitudes in the Wizarding World would change, but that's something that takes time and depends on a lot of other factors.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Gordy’s Home

[Here’s the beginning of my journey (backstory here). The first Michael blog I accessed hails from what I have designated Earth-2211979, and it seems like this is the world where Jordan Peele’s film Nope takes place. This Michael seems to review a lot of old TV shows for his blog, especially weird, obscure, and even lost media. This right here is the last review on his blog, and it seems like he’s been inactive for several months.]

The 90s was an utter wasteland of either incredibly insipid or outright insane sitcoms, but tonight’s review is about one that landed somewhere in the middle. Gordy’s Home is exactly the sort of bonkers concept you’d see coming out of the chimp-obsessed 90s scene while at the same time being incredibly predictable. But, of course, you know that I didn’t decide to review this because of that. You know what the elephant in the room is.

Or maybe you don’t! So let’s set that shit aside and talk about the actual show before we get into the dark underbelly of this seemingly saccharine slice of 90s nostalgia.

The cast is a very mixed bag. Ricky “Jupe” Parkin definitely the weak link here. Look, we all loved him in Kid Sherrif, but we were like toddlers. He’s just not a good child actor, he just got a stroke of luck. At least his fist bumps with Gordy are pretty fun, but watching a kid do a fist bump with a chimp is hard to fuck up. The other human actors are all giving corny performances, but they seem a bit more self-aware and tongue in cheek, so it’s easier to stomach them. The MVP of the humans is definitely Mary Jo Elliot, who clearly is trying her best with this silly material. It’s such a damn shame we never got to see her go further in her career, especially when she managed to make a “drugs are bad” PSA episode palatable.

Then we have Gordy. Oh, sweet Gordy. Is it even okay to say he was the best part of the show? Because it’s undeniable, he was. But it feels so fucking dirty saying that, all things considered, and keep in mind—this show had an episode guest starring Bill Cosby! How the Hell did THAT age less poorly than the chimp? I look at it like this: He was an animal. I can’t really hold the poor chimp to human standards, can I?

…God, I guess I can’t really beat around the bush. Can’t I talk about the cringey tween romance episodes? The corny episode where Gordy keeps messing up the family vacation? The weird way this show seems to think adopting a chimp and an Asian is something you should think is wacky and whimsical (boy am I glad we left weird racist undertones in the 90s, never to be seen again)?

No. I’ve gotta talk about the incident.

This show is remarkably hard to watch. Like, the only version of the opening theme on YouTube is a poorly recorded VHS rip, and there are at least three episodes that have yet to be found despite lost media aficionados doing their damndest to hunt them down. And the reason for this is because of a tragic incident that happened on set in 1998, where Gordy went berserk and maimed or murdered his costars save for Park.

I remember seeing it on the news when I was a kid and just not understanding it. I remember seeing the magazine covers, the parodies, that fucking godawful SNL sketch… No, seriously, was SNL ever fucking funny? I rewatched that sketch for this review and it is the most tasteless, unfunny shit I’ve ever seen. Gilbert Gottfried’s 9/11 jokes right after the attack were funnier. Who okayed that? Who okayed any of that shit after the incident? A kid had her face ripped off, for Christ’s sake!

There were so many weird rumors and urban legends about the incident. I remember seeing one a lot, that there was some insane fan who’d wandered on set with a gun and that’s what set Gordy off, but that sounds really outlandish and ridiculous. There’s also a rumor that there’s footage of the incident floating around online, and you can see just where Gordy bites Elliot’s face off. I’d honestly rather watch that video where the dude with the ice pick eats that other guy again than see that, so if it does exist I hope it stays lost. Some things aren’t meant to be seen, and this is one of them.

Really, it’s a shame that THIS is what the show is remembered for: An awful, totally avoidable tragedy that has hung a dark cloud over everything. We never got a really clear answer over what happened on that set, but I’m guessing this is the same shit that happens every time an animal mauls someone. They ignored warnings, didn’t treat Gordy with respect, and honestly? Wouldn’t surprise me if they abused him too. Apparently Park has some theme park out in the place I’m going hiking with my buddies soon, maybe I could just drop in and ask him what the truth is. Bet he’d just love to talk about that.

Gordy’s Home is an unremarkable, corny, harmless 90s show forever tainted by a senseless tragedy. Like, I spent more time talking about the chimp attack than the actual show here, that’s how much Gordy’s rampage looms over it. Really, I think what sums it all up for me is how the show uses Gowan’s “(You’re a) Strange Animal” as its theme song, seemingly to imply fun and monkey business… but conveniently leaves out verses like this, ones that tragically foreshadow the ineptitude that led to the carnage on set:

Well, they say I should approach you with caution But not to let you be aware of my fear Never know what you'll find Don't understand your kind round here

They still used the song better than Crowder did, at least.

[itsbeaker-bxtch]

What experiments ? Exposing Circe and Loki

What experiments are the highly secretive and less than neighborly Loki and Circe Beaker performing on the poor Nervous Subject? Will this secrecy affect Circe's career ambitions? Upon entering their home, discovering their lab and reading their bio, the story that is to be unfold is clear. Circe and Loki are some mad doctor/scientist with no ethics that use Nervous as a guinea pig. But, I kept wondering: indeed, WHAT EXPERIMENTS? And what does it have to do with Circe’s career ? It can't be that simple.

Brace yourself for this long post, and let's unravel what is really going on at 1 Tesla Court.

There is no real police in Strangetown. In the PSP game, we encounter several criminals: stalker, murderers... none of them are being investigated. This picture Strangetown as a weird town where, well, strange and supernatural things happen so why bother investigating? Everyone has some kind of dirty secret to hide, so why, WHY experimenting on Nervous would have consequences regarding Circe's career? And why is Loki's career not mentioned? You can commit horrible crimes in the science career and not the medical one? That makes no sense. I think the « secrecy » mentioned in the bio is not referring to Nervous being used as a test subject, but in the experiments themselves.

First thing first: after moving into the castle and establishing their lab, they needed a subject. I strongly believe they did not, in fact, adopted Nervous. You see, Circe and Loki only have a memory regarding Nervous « joining » the family and not the one that should appear if they called The adoption service. It's very likely they kidnapped him. After all, they did the exact same thing to Gimi Branko. Maybe Nervous was the only orphan in town so he was an easy target. I mean, 90 % of the town is made of the Curious family, and other Sims either live in groups (The Singles) or didn't have a home yet (Ajay). That doesn't leave much choice regarding victims. Also, they « got �� Nervous when he was relatively young, that mean they needed a guinea pig in the long run. Here, we can conclude to things:

1. They did so, so they could have access 24h/24 to a test subject, in a very quick and practical manner (they shouldn't have to pay or kidnapped people every now and then).

2. They choose him at a young age, so he will be easily manipulated. Even if Nervous hates Loki, he has a somewhat good relationship with Circe. Let's not forget that the Beaker's bio stated that Circe is participating in those tests and her own bio says she knows how to inflect pain in a lot of different ways. I think Circe is a very good manipulator and sometimes take a motherly role so Nervous is still attached to her, no matter what.

This why he didn't run away. Where would he go alone in a desert? That's why they don't bother having doors or even locking him up. Nobody would come for him, nobody would care hearing screams in SuCh A strange ToWn and he wouldn't dare try to escape. That's really hiding in plain sight. But.... What are they hiding exactly?

I never really understand how could this stress Circe's career this much. As I have previously explained, she is actively taking part and I think she really enjoys it. Is that taking to much of her time and she can't focus on her career? No, that can't be the case. All of the machines located in the lab 1. Are ones of the most efficient ways to build a skill and progress in a career 2. They increase the « fun » need, especially the medical one. Speaking of the machines and the lab, we need to take a closer look to fully grasp what is going on.

What are those machines real purpose?

TraumaTime "Incision Precision" Surgical Training Station. Medical career reward level 4. I know the fanon often depict Circe vivisecting people. I also think that's the case, but it's mostly headcanon and I will discuss it another time. I think that the station is only there so Circe could practice medicine and advance in her career. She is a doctor in training. I don't think it gives us any information on the BIG SECRECY mentioned in their bio. Also, the machine is nowhere to be seen in the screenshot explaining the Beaker storyline, unlike...

The Eclectic and Enigmatic Energizer is an aspiration reward that can be used to boost a Sims need. It will not function properly if the Sims have low aspiration. This reward became kind of famous thanks to the family photos, we can see Nervous using it while Loki and Circe are looking.Obviously that shows us what experiments are taking place. But what are they testing? Loki could have had a enough Aspiration Point to buy it, but I prefer to think he built it. The object description reads: « the Energizer is a puzzle wrapped in an enigma, held together with copious amounts of duct tape and bits of twine, and reported to be beyond the ken of mortal Sims. ». I know the Sims wiki precises we can't know for sure Loki built/invented it, but this description combined with Loki bio, career and personality strongly suggest it's the case. Did he try to perfect it? It can only be used 5 times and by happy Sims. Is he trying to change that? That makes sense that Loki wants to built a prefect, efficient machine. Circe could have been also interested because those boosts the energizer provides could help her working harder, thus be proficient in her career. Yet, again, it doesn't explain at all how this secrecy could affect her. It seems quite the contrary, as since they move in, they only got more successful in their field! I think the answer is hidden in the other machine.

The SimSanto Inc. Biotech Station is unlocked at level 6 in the scientific career. The description reads : Sims can study old microbes and invent new ones, gaining logic skill points and advancing their careers in the process. Includes a microscope, computer, and refrigerator for storing samples. With this machine, they can make Medecine or Virus. This is where science meets medicine, where they work together. We can see Circe and Loki using the station in the family picture. This isn’t just a skill building item. You can't sell virus HOWEVER you can sell medicine!  You are telling me a mean fortune Sims in the medical field who loves and married a mad scientist has access to a machine that can create diseases and sell medicines? NOW I understand! Loki and Circe are developing virus. Loki is studying how they evolved (useful in his genetic studies) and Circe... well it's a win/win experiment.

She is building up skills and knowledges useful for her career... and making money out of it. She can create virus and antidotes. She is the cause and the cure. She is developing it so she could sell the medicine. This is kind of big pharma conspiracy theory, but I think it makes sense. That's the secrecy the bio mentioned, that's why her career could be compromised, if they learn she purposefully went against her medical oath to make money out of sick Sims she would be fired. But it's not all. I think thanks to their experiments they got access to secret knowledges, either how making clones, virus, or even regarding Nervous true nature. That's why they also are studying lies and brain waves.

 SensoTwitch Lie Finder : Don't let the inconvenience of the truth interfere with your career ambitions! Hone the skills to lie, cheat, and steal with the SensoTwitch Lie Finder. Its patented Brainwave Twitch Needle detects even the tiniest nervous mental tic. Fool the Lie Finder, and you can fool anyone! So... The first line of this description matches perfectly what I've been saying. Also, notice how this reward is for the criminal career? I think Circe is linked to some dark market shady things, but that's for another theory. For now let's concentrate on the experiments. Did Loki invent or built this matching and needed a highly nervous individual to develop it?  I mean, the description even mentions the word Nervous and the name « twitch ». It's a clear reference to Nervous bio: His hobbies include twitching and blinking a lot. I Perhaps Circe and Loki had to know how to lie to protect their knowledge or/and there little pharmaceutical industry. That could explain why the machine is reacting and working in such a way: Nervous helped as a test subject to develop it.Notice how it's all centered about nervous tics. I also noted  seomting else in the description.

It works with patent brainwaves needles. Doesn't it remind you of something? Who is very concerned about patents for their invention? Loki! Who is supposedly using brainwaves to control Sims? Who is on a search for secrets and lies?Dominic Newlow had his eyes set on Circe and Loki experiments because there were an open door to mind-control. Circe had a lot to hide and was indeed risking her career. Loki had an important patent to hide, to protect his inventions.. This experiment involved manipulation and finding weakness in others mind. This also looks like those experiments involved becoming more powerful: boosting your energy, cause/cure illness, being able to perfectly lie. They would help reaching the top of their career, of their skills, abilities, being undisputed and rich, of course. Newlow notice 1. How you could ruin the reputation with secrets, 2. You can use brainwaves to control other Sims. That was the beginning of his plan, and the set up for the PSP gameplay mechanic.

If you are interested I will right about fanon/headcanons about Circe evil hobbies and how I think she is doing illegal shady shit.

[ressyfaerie]

OKAY YALL. 

I haven’t been paying attention at all. 

Do you want to be really angry,

Like really, really angry? 

I’m putting this in a read more since there’s going to be a LOT and it may start a FIRE.

It was a lonely snowy night in the north of British Columbia Canada.

Just kidding.

For real though- I had no internet! We could only watch TV on satellite (the only anime I watched was on YTV). If it snowed in the winter we had to go outside and brush the snow off the satellite to continue watching Beyblade or Inuyasha. 

So I was 5-6 when I first started watching Beyblade. Of course I LOVED IT. I would rush home to try to watch it everyday. Beyblade has just airing and it was a HIT. I watched season 1 religiously, I actually don’t remember watching much of V-force or G-rev but that’s probably because it wasn’t made yet lmao. 

I grew up in a small town, whatever you’re imagining, imagine it smaller. (I could write a whole essay on the social hierarchy of Port Ed in the early 2000s but I’ll keep it short for now) White kids= rich/ pretentious, Native kids=poor. I didn’t like the attitude of most of the white girls, so I mostly made friends with the native kids (I miss yall btw) but anyways, this is where you’re going to get angry.

So I didn’t know what Japanese WAS. Like I knew what Chinese was (Small town surrounded by racists? Who would have guessed?) I don’t even think I knew Japanese existed, but any other anime I watched (Sailor moon, Inuyasha, Gundam Wing) most of the characters were white representing or had extremely light skin tones.

So what the heck was 5 year old me supposed to do with beyblade? Which was a show filled with lots of different ethnicities? 5 year old me was obsessed with beyblade, tearing apart every episode I saw, so I gathered: Max=American, Ray=Chinese, Kai=Russian (Because that’s what matched with all their championships, makes sense to a kid right?)

But what WAS Japanese? I dunno? But you know who Tyson looked like? 

My chubby native friends.

THAT’S RIGHT

YALL ARE DEBATING BIRACIAL KAI

LITTLE ME THOUGHT TYSON WAS NATIVE FOR YEEEAAAARRRSSSSS.

I’m laughing as I write this, when I learned Japan was indeed a real place, it didn’t dawn on me immediately. It still took finding beyblade online when I was like 11, re-watching it and being like ‘huh’. (Note: Remember when beyblade was on youtube but each episode was like 4 parts? Good times.) 

So, on the topic of Kai.

First of all, I need to point something out that I deem obvious, but must be said. 

Beyblade (As well as many other shows from long ago (Yugioh, Naruto, Inuyasha, and Sailor moon come to mind), a lot of us latched on to these shows so hard because of trauma or lonely childhoods. Which means a lot of us find our connections to these shows or characters very personal, which is why it’s hard to break headcannons. It’s more than a fandom for us, and any of us who feel this way, are risking their comfort show to involve themselves in the fandom (This is why I believe a lot of beyblade fans don’t interact with fandom, and I go out of my way to warmly welcome all whenever I can)

It needs to be said, that you owe no explanation to anyone, and neither do I, nor do I apologize for my headcannons.  

With this being said, I knew eventually the fandom would blow up (as it has many times, over the idea of biracial Kai/ Kai with Russian ancestry/ Japanese Kai), now that it has hit so close to home, I feel the need to validate my decision to make Kai biracial in my two long main fics. However, it needs to be stated, I am not doing this to validate myself, but because I simply want to talk about it, I’m not explaining, or apologizing, simply stating some facts, and how I feel. 

For a lot of us, these characters are so personal and we’ve kept them for so long that they’re verging on OC’s, this is NOT YOUR JOB to point out! Although I believe my Kai is very close to canon, there’s many things that aren’t, regardless, myself and many others, still belong to the fandom. 

Back to my childhood:

FINALLY DIAL-UP INTERNET!

The first thing I did when I learned how to read and had private access to internet was google ‘Kai Beyblade’, if you asked, I probably would have said a child’s equivalent to ‘“fuck you that’s why”. 

I learned his last name was Hiwatari, and man, I thought that was SO COOL. But that wasn’t a Russian name was it? I dived further, I don’t think the beyblade wiki even existed at this point, I think I was reading everything off of wikipedia. What I read was: Kai’s father was Russian and his mother was Japanese. I didn’t think too much of it, I mean, it made sense. It would explain Voltaire’s connection to Russia. Later on I realised it made more sense for Kai’s mother to be Russian since the Hiwatari name is Japanese and would most likely come from his grandfather, and for some reason, I was convinced Susumu was Voltaire’s son. The idea of Voltaire marrying his son off to some Russian heiress made so much sense to me. I never read fics, my ideas were definitely influenced by wiki edits, I had no reason to doubt it, or think any differently, I think a lot of people followed the same footsteps. It’s interesting to think that’s how headcanons became universal back in the day. 

I learned the manga existed after a trip to Metrotown Vancouver where I bought every volume they had (3 lmao) (I still haven’t read every volume, and will when I can afford them). 

I just always assumed Kai was biracial, IT JUST MADE SENSE. Kai’s family’s deep ties to Russia, the reason why he knew Russian (regardless of the Abbey), his figure compared to Tyson’s in season 1, I had no reason to doubt it, and it seemed the Dub side of the internet agreed! 

When I wrote my fanfics at 18-19, 5 (years ago now, wow), I still assumed Kai was biracial. Only recently have I dived into the fandom and got into every side (Sub, Dub, Manga). I learned there’s 3 things Dub/Sub/Manga people will instantly fight over: Kai’s race, character’s names, and their ages. 

The reason these three things are so debated is because of the dramatically different storylines/ differences in language versions. The Dub and Sub are two completely different shows when played side by side. I am most familiar with the Dub, as it stays close to my heart, which influences most of my headcanons.

I still headcanon Kai as biracial. We actually don’t know much about his parents, and canon is very loosey goosey. We’re learning more in Rising, but I highly doubt Takao Aoki is going to be like “AND THEN KAI’S MOM WENT TO VISIT HER RUSSIAN FAMILY IS RUSSIA BECAUSE SHE IS RUSSIAN” I’m not going to go into super detail why I think it’s likely that Kai is biracial, but you know what? It doesn’t really matter. This fandom is old, and being from the early 2000’s that means the dub is much different, which means there are MULTIPLE versions of canons. I guarantee you, in every version there is something problematic, and one of the least important ones, is whether or not the fandom white-washes Kai by making him biracial (Maybe full Russia could be an issue, but you know what? Does it really matter?). You know what DOES MATTER. What they did to Eddy, they did that boy dirty. 

I mean they LITERALLY white-washed him. LIKE. 

Also changing Tyson/ Takao’s skin tone in G-rev/ V-force will forever annoy me; that might be an asian skin whitening thing though, still, problematic.

But anyways, in the end I’m sure the reason why the English fandom so frequently headcanons Kai as biracial is not because of white-washing, but because of the time the Dub was created. 

The early 2000’s was an interesting time. Some towns were still stuck in the 90’s, lots of kids had no access to the internet, and when they finally DID, they did not use it wisely. Misinformation was spread easily. Not many people in America read the manga, and very few people watched the Sub.

People like me, young and old, filled in the gaps that were missing.

It’s been 20 YEARS GUYS. A lot has changed. Headcanons that aren’t problematic will stick. As long as it’s not hurting anybody, or anyone else, it’s really not a bad thing. 

Our main focus should be to keep the fandom going! We can’t die, we’ve been together too long to die and I refuse to let it happen, where will I get my serotonin from?? 

Here’s a pic of my love to end it off:

Dumb idiot loser fuckin smiles fucking lunatic.

[jenniferisacommonname]

Bonus Level Unlocked

This week marks the release of Jason Schreier’s Press Reset, an incredibly well-researched book on catastrophic business failure in the gaming industry. Jason’s a good dude, and there’s an excerpt here if you want to check it out. Sadly, game companies going belly-up is such a common occurrence that he couldn’t possibly include them all, and one of the stories left out due to space constraints is one that I happen to be personally familiar with. So, I figured I’d tell it here.

I began working at Acclaim Studios Austin as a sound designer in January of 2000. It was a tumultuous period for the company, including a recent rebranding from their former studio name, “Iguana Entertainment,” and a related, ongoing lawsuit from the ex-founder of Iguana. There were a fair number of ghosts hanging around—the creative director’s license plate read IGUANA, which he never changed, and one of the meeting rooms held a large, empty terrarium—but the studio had actually been owned on paper by Acclaim since 1995, and I didn’t notice any conflicting loyalties. Everyone acted as if we always had been, and always would be, Acclaim employees.

Over the next few years I worked on a respectable array of triple-A titles, including Quarterback Club 2002, Turok: Evolution, and All-Star Baseball 2002 through 2005. (Should it be “All-Stars Baseball,” like attorneys general? Or perhaps a term of venery, like “a zodiac of All-Star Baseball.”) At any rate, it was a fun place to work, and a platformer of hijinks ensued.

But let’s skip to the cutscene. The truth is that none of us in the trenches suspected the end was near until it was absolutely imminent. Yes, Turok: Evolution and Vexx had underperformed, especially when stacked against the cost of development, but games flop in the retail market all the time. And, yes, Showdown: Legends of Wrestling had been hustled out the door before it was ready for reasons no one would explain, and the New York studio’s release of a BMX game featuring unlockable live-action stripper footage had been an incredibly weird marketing ploy for what should have been a straightforward racing title. (Other desperate gimmicks around this time included a £6,000 prize for UK parents who would name their baby “Turok,” an offer to pay off speeding tickets to promote Burnout 2 that quickly proved illegal, and an attempt to buy advertising space on actual tombstones for a Shadow Man sequel.)

But the baseball franchise was an annual moneymaker, and our studio had teams well into development on two major new licenses, 100 Bullets and The Red Star. Enthusiasm was on the upswing. Perhaps I should have paid closer attention when voice actors started calling me to complain that they hadn’t been paid, but at the time it seemed more like a bureaucratic failure than an actual money shortage—and frankly, it was a little naïve of them to expect net-30 in the first place. Industry standard was, like, net-90 at best. So I was told.

Then one Friday afternoon, a few department managers got word that we’d kind of maybe been skipping out on the building lease for let’s-not-admit-how-many months. By Monday morning, everyone’s key cards had been deactivated.

It's a little odd to arrive at work and find a hundred-plus people milling around outside—even odder, I suppose, if your company is not the one being evicted. Acclaim folks mostly just rolled their eyes and debated whether to cut our losses and head to lunch now, while employees of other companies would look dumbfounded and fearful before being encouraged to push their way through the crowd and demonstrate their still-valid key card to the security guard. Finally, the General Manager (hired only a few months earlier, and with a hefty relocation bonus to accommodate his houseboat) announced that we should go home for the day and await news. Several of our coworkers were veterans of the layoff process—like I said, game companies go under a lot—and one of them had already created a Yahoo group to communicate with each other on the assumption that we’d lose access to our work email. A whisper of “get on the VPN and download while you can” rippled through the crowd.

But the real shift in tone came after someone asked about a quick trip inside for personal items, and the answer was a hard, universal “no.” We may have been too busy or ignorant to glance up at any wall-writing, but the building management had not been: they were anticipating a full bankruptcy of the entire company. In that situation, all creditors have equal standing to divide up a company's assets in lengthy court battles, and most get a fraction of what they’re owed. But if the landlords had seized our office contents in lieu of rent before the bankruptcy was declared, they reasoned, then a judge might rule that they had gotten to the treasure chest first, and could lay claim to everything inside as separate from the upcoming asset liquidation.

Ultimately, their gambit failed, but the ruling took a month to settle. In the meantime, knick knacks gathered dust, delivered packages piled up, food rotted on desks, and fish tanks became graveyards. Despite raucous protest from every angle—the office pets alone generated numerous threats of animal cruelty charges—only one employee managed to get in during this time, and only under police escort. He was a British citizen on a work visa, and his paperwork happened to be sitting on his desk, due to expire. Without it, he was facing literal deportation. Fortunately, a uniformed officer took his side (or perhaps just pre-responded to what was clearly a misdemeanor assault in ovo,) and after some tense discussion, the building manager relented, on the condition that the employee touch absolutely nothing beyond the paperwork in question. The forms could go, but the photos of his children would remain.

It’s also a little odd, by the way, to arrive at the unemployment office and find every plastic chair occupied by someone you know. Even odder, I suppose, if you’re actually a former employee of Acclaim Studios Salt Lake, which had shut down only a month or two earlier, and you just uprooted your wife and kids to a whole new city on the assurance that you were one of the lucky ones who got to stay employed. Some of them hadn’t even finished unpacking.

Eventually, we were allowed to enter the old office building one at a time and box up our things under the watchful eye of a court appointee, but by then our list of grievances made the landlords’ ploy seem almost quaint by comparison (except for the animals, which remains un-fucking-forgivable.) We had learned, for example, that in the weeks prior to the bankruptcy, our primary lender had made an offer of $15 million—enough to keep us solvent through our next batch of releases, two of which had already exited playtesting and were ready to be burned and shipped. The only catch was that the head of the board, company founder Greg Fischbach, would have to step down. This was apparently too much of an insult for him to stomach, and he decided that he'd rather see everything burn to the ground. The loan was refused.

Other “way worse than we thought” details included gratuitous self-dealing to vendors owned by board members, the disappearance of expensive art from the New York offices just before closure, and the theft of our last two paychecks. For UK employees, it was even more appalling: Acclaim had, for who knows how long, been withdrawing money from UK paychecks for their government-required pension funds, but never actually putting the money into the retirement accounts. They had stolen tens of thousands of dollars directly from each worker.

Though I generally reside somewhere between mellow and complete doormat on the emotional spectrum, I did get riled enough to send out one bitter email—not to anyone in corporate, but to the creators of a popular webcomic called Penny Arcade, who, in the wake of Acclaim’s bankruptcy announcement, published a milquetoast jibe about Midway’s upcoming Area 51. I told Jerry (a.k.a. “Tycho”) that I was frankly disappointed in their lack of cruelty, and aired as much dirty laundry as I was privy to at the time.

“Surely you can find a comedic gem hidden somewhere in all of this!” I wrote. “Our inevitable mocking on PA has been a small light at the end of a very dark, very long tunnel. Please at least allow us the dignity of having a smile on our faces while we wait in line for food stamps.”

Two days later, a suitably grim comic did appear, implying the existence of a new release from Acclaim whose objective was to run your game company into the ground. In the accompanying news post, Tycho wrote:

“We couldn’t let the Acclaim bankruptcy go without comment, though we initially let it slide thinking about the ordinary gamers who lost their jobs there. They don’t have anything to do with Acclaim’s malevolent Public Relations mongrels, and it wasn’t they who hatched the Titty Bike genre either. Then, we remembered that we have absolutely zero social conscience and love to say mean things.”

Another odd experience, by the way, is digging up a 16-year-old complaint to a webcomic creator for nostalgic reference when you offer that same creator a promotional copy of the gaming memoir you just co-wrote with Sid Meier. Even odder, I suppose, to realize that the original non-Acclaim comic had been about Area 51, which you actually were hired to work on yourself soon after the Acclaim debacle.*

As is often the case in complex bankruptcies, the asset liquidation took another six years to fully stagger its way through court—but in 2010, we did, surprisingly, get the ancient paychecks we were owed, plus an extra $1,700-ish for the company’s apparent violation of the WARN Act. By then, I had two kids and a very different life, for which the money was admittedly helpful. Sadly, Acclaim’s implosion probably isn’t even the most egregious one on record. Our sins were, to my knowledge, all money-related, and at least no one was ever sexually assaulted in our office building. Again, to my knowledge. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure we remain the only historical incident of corporate pet murder. The iguana got out just in time.

*Area 51’s main character was voiced by David Duchovny, and he actually got paid—which was lucky for him, because three years later, Midway also declared bankruptcy.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi there, I really liked what you had to say about the upcoming election. I was wondering if you have published any articles recently in regards to that? I know you said you were a historian.

Aha, thank you so much, this is very flattering. Alas (?), the book that I have just published is about the crusades, as I am a medieval historian by training. However, one of my main research interests is the role of the “imagined medieval” in modern culture, I have written a book chapter about the role of the crusades in post-9/11 political and cultural rhetoric, and I am developing a research project that examines the current crisis of public history through a medievalist perspective. That, however, is still in draft stages.

That said, I absolutely DO have a mini reading list for you (and a lecture to go with it, because as noted, I am an academic and this is how we function!) The topic of today’s class is “Why Accelerationist Ideology Is And Always Has Been Horrifically Racist and Genocidal Throughout History, and White Americans Only Like It Because They Don’t Live In Countries Where It Was Done (By America).” Not very snappy, but there you have it.

The reading list, to start off, is:

The Cold War: A World History by Odd Arne Westad

The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism by Naomi Klein

The Silk Roads: A New History of the World by Peter Frankopan

Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi

Drift: The Unmooring of American Military Power by Rachel Maddow

The Bridge Betrayed: Religion and Genocide in Bosnia by Michael Sells

These are all hefty books (though the Maddow and Sells books are shorter) but they’re accessible and written for the layperson, and we always have time to educate ourselves. Why are they relevant to the 2020 election, you might ask?

First: the Cold War book lays out in great, GREAT detail the consequences of a global world order absolutely gripped by a competing standoff of ideologies (American capitalism vs. Soviet socialism) and how these two forces gulped up the politics of the rest of the world, destroyed numerous satellite states, and tried to rebuild them from the ashes into new ideological utopias -- precisely what a lot of people are suggesting now with the ridiculous “just burn everything down and it will magically fix itself!” theory that is somehow presented as the Moral Alternative to voting for Biden/Harris. You know what this caused during the Cold War? Yep. Human suffering on a massive scale, and absolutely zero utopian perfect states, whether capitalist or socialist. It also makes the extremely salient point that in the 1930s, German leftists and liberal democrats were infighting among themselves as to who was Less Morally Pure, and couldn’t agree on a candidate or a moral imperative to oppose the other guy, and figured that their flawed liberal idealists were “just as bad” as said other guy. Was that guy’s name Adolf Hitler? Why yes. Yes it was. Is there a lesson here for us? Who can say. Seems hard to figure.

Leaving aside the tragedy and pointlessness of the Korean and Vietnam Wars, both fought as proxy battlefields between Americans and Soviets, let’s consider the Great Leap Forward, in China (1958-1962) under Chairman Mao Zhedong. The idea was to dismantle traditionalist Confucian Chinese society and rebuild it as a modern socialist state, which was the goal of a lot of twentieth-century old-school socialist/Marxist “people’s republics.” Mao took this exact “burn conservative society down and rebuild it according to Enlightened Leftist Principles” approach and it was... a disaster. A total and epic disaster that caused both short and long-term suffering to the Chinese people and, wouldn’t you know it, did not result in a utopian Chinese state. This is also the reason you cannot say anything complimentary about Fidel Castro, especially if you want to win Florida, no matter how “good” you think his socialist principles were in the abstract, because: Cubans and Cuban-Americans fuggin’ hated the guy. You know why? Because he also destroyed their lives.

Obviously, there is a ton of distance between old-school Communism in the 20th century and 21st-century modern democratic socialism such as that run in Norway (and the Scandinavian countries in general), no matter if your racist uncle on Facebook insists on conflating the two and howling about the Red Menace like it’s still 1962. But the point is that radical leftist accelerationist theory hasn’t changed from 1962 (or frankly, from Karl Marx) either. It still figures that by some miraculous principle, the entrenched systems and ideologies will either just disappear or be “torn down,” the Peasants will Rise Up and Overthrow the Aristocracy, and something something socialist utopia. Except that was tried multiple times in the 20th century and it always failed. More than that, even if it was supposedly “leftist,” it inflicted just as much suffering on its own people as fascist right-wing dictatorships. Americans have always been infused with the triumphalist confidence that they “won” the Cold War because socialism was bad, and it was the inherent flaws in socialism as a world order that doomed it to defeat, unlike rah-rah Red White and Blue American Capitalism. So capitalism, ignoring its own fatal flaws, went hog-wild in the 80s and 90s, establishing Reaganite deregulation as the core and unimpeachable tenet of the market, and we’re all living in the increasing wreckage of that economic system now. Obviously the right wing uses “socialism” as a bugaboo to scare us that Things Could Be Worse, but I haven’t seen the faintest trace of historical context or awareness from the particularly deluded breed of hard leftists who still cling onto the magical theory that a Perfect People’s Uprising Will Fix Everything.

On that note, let’s move to Naomi Klein. The Shock Doctrine lays out in similar excruciating detail how the U.S. systematically destroyed the economic systems of countries particularly in Asia and Latin America (and the entire shameful history of Uncle Sam in Latin America should be required reading for EVERYONE) and sold them a bill of goods about “free market economics” in the Keynesian model. Guess what resulted from this attempt to destroy entrenched societies overnight and rebuild them in the name of Ideology? If you guessed “massive human suffering and ongoing generational devastation and dysfunction” you’d be right again! This was accompanied with constant political interference from the CIA and the State Department to support right-wing dictators and military takeovers in a way that have left the politics and institutions of Central America in permanently broken disarray, because it turns out it’s a lot easier to keep exploiting those brown people in governmental systems that don’t allow dissent or democracy, no matter the exalted principles you like to preach about Freedom and Liberty. The U.S. likes to act as if the Central American refugee crisis is this unwarranted invasion of these dirty immigrants, as if it didn’t play a DIRECT AND LONG LASTING EFFECT in destroying the infrastructure of these countries to the point where they’ve become incapable of functioning as healthy democracies. If you think “banana republic” is the name of an upscale clothing store, I beg you, research the history of that term.

This hasn’t even gotten to the absolutely horrible history of Africa’s treatment at the hands of white Europeans (see the Kendi book for obvious anti-racism education and also how those racist ideas are directly built into the ideological infrastructure of America). Somehow white leftists, while professing to be allies of Black Lives Matter and proclaiming themselves Woke, have managed to overlook this, and I don’t know how??? (Answer: it’s racism Jan.) First it was the transatlantic slave trade and the large-scale kidnapping, sale, and chattel bondage of generations of people. Then it was 19th-century colonialism and imperialism, where Europe thought it could “civilize” the “Dark Continent” and rebuild it to an “enlightened standard.” This was not a right-wing project; this was solidly mainstream and it was enthusiastically advocated by many liberals and intellectuals who busily composed an entire academic and “scientific” literature to support it. Did the European wholescale destruction of traditional societies in an attempt to build a Perfect Ideological Utopia result in... massive human suffering, by any chance? Leopold II of Belgium might have something to say about that. Then when an overstretched Europe was finally forced out of its overseas colonies in the aftermath of World War II, guess what resulted? Did African society spring from the ashes and remake itself in a perfect image? Nope! It became subject to decades-long civil wars and bloody military dictators because its infrastructure had been so crippled (very deliberately so) by its departing colonialist overlords that it likewise had no sustainable model for development. It turns out when you break things out of the idea that they’ll magically fix themselves, they just stay broken and they get worse. Now we once more have the West acting like Africa is a hotbed of Primitives while ignoring its own role in destroying it (and the situation in the Middle East, but that’s a whole OTHER can of worms! So many cans! So many!)

The Peter Frankopan book is an excellent exploration into the flourishing medieval trade networks across the East, the function of the Silk Road in bringing culture and commodities across the known world, and how Europe’s intervention and eventual ascendancy was marked by profound violence, the destruction of these networks, and the outright pillage of non-white people and riches. Which we know, but... read it. Europe and its heir (America) started the crusades, colonialism, imperialism, two world wars, and other conflicts that always contained a virulent aspect of spreading Ideology and getting people to Believe The Right Thing. These cumulative conflicts have devastated the planet repeatedly and we are still feeling their effects right up to this minute. They were all connected to Establishing Supreme Ideology and Supreme Whiteness (and Supreme Christianity). I’m detecting a pattern. The Rachel Maddow book explores how from the 1980s onward, America went absolutely hog-wild with the military/military ideology as a central way to solve its problems, which was tied to the Cold War, capitalism, and extreme individualism. All of which are tied to our current mess today.

Obviously, the most extreme examples of putting ideology above people result in outright holocausts, which is why you should read the Michael Sells book about Bosnia. Everyone knows about the WWII Holocaust of the Jews (and we have already seen how that is busily being denied along with the return of anti-Semitism, which never goes away), but the Bosnian holocaust was happening while most of us were alive. The West deliberately ignored it, because it was framed as the “last crusade” against Muslims in Europe and they needed to be removed in order to create a Pure Christian Europe; hence the Bosniaks were apparently an acceptable sacrifice in achieving this. I have some words on my tongue, I think they start with “massive human suffering,” and how that is constantly what results when an existing society, no matter how flawed, is attacked by ideological zealots who see huge amounts of death as an acceptable price to pay for their brave new world, as long as it’s not theirs (and sometimes even when it is). In fact, the accelerationist theory of social change is so profoundly racial and genocidal (and is indeed being used in exactly that way by the neo-Nazis and white paramilitary elements today) that it’s even more shocking to see supposedly progressive and moral people advocating so enthusiastically for it. It is a white supremacist Nazi wet dream of an ideology in which all the “flawed” people just vanish (spoiler alert, they don’t vanish, they are brutally murdered or allowed to die from deliberate and arrogant negligence) and the Aryans cavort in paradise. Just replacing that with some socialist jargon buzzwords doesn’t change the underlying framework.

And this is STILL NOT GETTING to America’s own history, and you know, the fact that this continent was occupied when white settlers arrived, declared it “terra nulla” or “empty land,” and set about slaughtering the existing advanced civilizations and their people in the name of! You guessed it! SUPERIOR IDEOLOGY! Funnily enough, destroying the Native Americans “for their own good” didn’t result in utopia for them. It resulted in.... yeah, I think we get it by now, but just in case, one more time: MASSIVE HUMAN SUFFERING.

Tl;dr: The accelerationist theory of social change (just destroy everything and it will magically rebuild according to our preferred ideology) is a racist and genocidal fantasy of orgiastic destruction that has caused untold damage throughout history. White Americans whether on the right or left are fond of it, because they have never lived in a country where this has been repeatedly and horribly done to them (often by America itself) and which has cost uncountable Black, brown, Muslim, Jewish, Latin American, Native American, etc lives. The deliberate or deliberately negligent destruction of society does not lead to regeneration. It leads to long-term and unfixable damage, and the people who profit the most from deliberate disaster are the capitalist corporate overlords that the left professes to hate. This country is a racist garbage fire and nobody denies that it needs to change or die, but buying into this theory about how you should just stand back and let it burn/obstruct efforts to work within the system and mitigate the damage IS BULLSHIT and RESULTS IN MASSIVE HUMAN SUFFERING AND DEATH. Which, so far as I know, wasn’t supposed to be a progressive value, but hey, I could be mistaken.

Learn some history. Wear a mask.

Don’t be a whiny pissbaby that makes the rest of us die.

Vote Joe Biden and Kamala Harris 2020.

[aragima]

hannibal questions! 🍖����

@nietzscheantrout @horrorlesbians and @hanniba1 wanted me to answer these hannibal questions and i wrote too much but oh well! thanks to all 3 of you ilu!!!

favorite episode and why: oh we’re just goin straight to the hard questions huh um OKAY so i think i can only do an ep a season - s1: SORBET SUPREMACY! you get to see the exact moment will looks at hannibal and thinks “.........shit. it’s him isn’t it. he’s The One. SHIT.” and that is so important to me - s2: this one is really hard maybe naka-choko? it’s so fucking gay and sexy. but tome-wan... but mizumono............ yeah idk - s3: torn between digestivo and the wrath of the lamb cuz they both hurt SOOO good much; i love will breaking up with hannibal and hannibal manipulating the situation so will can’t leave asldkjansk it’s so toxic we have to stan..... and for twotl i mean do i really have to give a reason every scene LIVES in my mind and it contains my favorite shot in the whole show:

that is LOVE baby! that is DESIRE! that is being ENTHRALLED!!!!

least favorite episode and why: i feel like they’re all so necessary that it’s kind of impossible to say but probably antipasto. i get sick of hannibal and bedelia’s shenanigans really quickly and as much as i hate to admit it... i miss will. i also think it was an extremely weak season opener and i blame it for getting the show canceled sjshshsgsg the resentment...

favorite side character: chiyoh or jimmy or actually wait— RANDALL TIER 🖤

if you could bring back one character who died, who would it be?: RANDALL FUCKING TIER. i want there to be a weird thing with him and hannibal and will going on. but also i love what his death did for will so idfk, other than him it’s gotta be beverly

dish prepared in the show that you would like to try eating/making: i was supposed to make hannibal’s osso bucco recipe like 3 weeks ago but it completely slipped my mind so i guess i’ll get on that my next grocery trip  

which side character would you kill off?: chilton just because for god’s sake just let the man DIE ALREADY poor guy <- i’m taking ava’s answer because YEAH

was there any scene that you didn’t like to look at?: nah. the skin ripping scenes at the beginning of either kaiseki or sakizuki (idk i don’t remember, i hardly watch s2a) are particularly brutal but i tough it out

biggest ship: i mean do i even have to say

why did you start watching hannibal?: my wife, who was my girlfriend at the time, and her dad were watching it as it was airing and i was like “oh cool hannibal lecter origin story” but due to inconsistent access to the episodes i would just watch it randomly and that is... not the way to watch hannibal. i gave up around the end of s2 but knew hannigram was It regardless. i decided to watch s3 for the first time earlier this year just to have finished it and was like HOLD UP and did an immediate rewatch that left me... well, how i am now

favorite hannibal fic if you’ve read any?:

oh boy. yall ready for this? all of these can be found on ao3 obviously (i’m so sorry this is so long but i guess i’ve been asked to put together a fic rec anyway)

as soft, as wide as air by blackknightsatellite, the ladders series by emungere, blackbird by emungere, consenting to dream series by emungere, taken for rubies by emungere, at first meeting by emungere, protect me from what i want by @alienfuckeronmain, god of the cold, cold wars by highermagic, the abyss smiled back by highermagic, pomegranate seeds by highermagic, absolute zero by highermagic, in the truly gruesome do we trust by sidnihoudini, TKO by sidnihoudini, oh dear by lunarwench, each according to its kind by chapparral_crown, a flood in our hearts by nanoochka, let me sinful be by darlingred, uncomplicated by stratumgermanitivum & youaremydesign, good bones by @damnslippyplanet​, like they do in babylon by @damnslippyplanet​, your obedient servant by kareliasweet, past our satellites by shotgunsinlace, only the tender meat by isagel, the shape of me will always be you by missdisoriental, a white-walled room by rodabonor, spleen et idéal by rodabonor, the paper doll series by rodabonor, a common point of interest by rodabonor [i do NOT like a/b/o stuff but if i did... it’s this fic], just thought you should know by earthsickwithoutyou, the sacrificial lamb by princesskay, transcendent suffering by itsbeautiful, not something polite by moistdrippings, leave your message after the tone by onewhositswithturtles, holes in the floor of the mind by feverdreamblood, crossing caina by feverdreamblood, the archipelago series by melusine10, but seas between us braid hae roar’d by kareliasweet

have you watched any of the hannibal films?: yeah all of them except manhunter! i grew up watching silence of the lambs because my mom loved it and i went thru a big edward norton phase as a teen so i’ve seen red dragon like 10 times

have you read the thomas harris books?: no and i’m not going to lmao #fakefan

favorite murder tableau: if we’re talking just hannibal’s- the judge. if we’re talking Murder Bad But Kinda Pretty like in general probably the mushroom people or the totem

favorite blood spill: will imagining hannibal while he beats randall to death or The Gutting of Will Graham

what’re some of your headcanons?: - will is good at shibari (backed up in canon: his fishing knots, the firefly man’s full body hishi karada harness) - hannibal rarely listens to modern, non-classical music but he’s a björk fan and he saw one of her chapel performances during the vespertine era and was Moved - will listens to classic rock (zeppelin, the doors, pink floyd) with some classic country (patsy, merle, johnny) and blues (billie, muddy, bessie) thrown in. he’s also a sucker for early/mid-90s college rock/alternative/grunge - will plays the piano (because of the piano in his living room) and the harmonica (because he’s country white trash); he’s kind of shit tho - hannibal fell for will somewhere between “my thoughts are often not tasty” and “you won’t like me when i’m psychoanalyzed” (love at first sight! at last sight! at ever and ever sight!!!) - will’s circumcised, hannibal isn’t 🤪 - hannibal’s a gemini!!!! adaptable, creative, intelligent, outgoing, impulsive, etc - will’s an aquarius!!!!! analytical, a loner, temperamental, unique, compassionate, etc - will’s mom was jewish go read my fic about it https://archiveofourown.org/works/26774326 - hannibal is an agender man (tbh i think of this as canon, it’s just unstated/undefined) - hannibal can speak russian, spanish, and a teensy bit of portuguese in addition to the other languages we know he speaks (lithuanian, english, french, italian, japanese) - will speaks limited amounts of french; he learned it as a kid in louisiana - ED TW will sometimes has a Difficult relationship with food due to food instability by the way of poverty as a kid and goes through periods where it’s hard to keep himself fed, but hannibal is so good for him in that way because he keeps him from going hungry 😓 (yes this is me projecting but also it makes SENSE) - hannibal typically bottoms but THEY DEFINITELY ARE BOTH VERS and will never stops being surprised by how much he loves catching a dick. every time is like religious experience. okay? okay - they’re also both very kinky and switches but tbh.... will was made to Dom hannibal like that’s the reason he exists he could drag that old bitch around by a leash and hannibal would be in heaven HANNIBAL WOULD CALL HIM SIR - the first time they have sex hannibal comes like immediately but he isn’t embarrassed because he’s hannibal fucking lecter and hannibal lecter doesn’t get embarrassed - i have a hc for their favorite sex positions but i’m not gonna put that here because i don’t want yall calling me crazy any more than you probably already do but if you wanna know just DM me all i do is think about them fucking it’s a curse - okay no more dirty stuff abigail called hannibal “dad” on more than one occasion and it was half-joking but it also felt comfortable to her; she never thought to call will “dad” because he’s a weirdo and never knew her as much as he knew his idea of her - hannibal taught her to play piano at the cliff house - beverly is pansexual!!! - brian and jimmy kissed one time when they were drunk and they NEVER talk about it EVER - chiyoh is straight probably. i know, i know, everyone says she’s a lesbian and if she’s a lesbian to you that’s awesome! she’s a lesbian! but idk i just think she’s SO fucking straight and tbh i mourn bc that’s my wife. she could MAYBE be bicurious... - chiyoh is non-monogamous and doesn’t do serious relationships, she doesn’t like the idea of being tied to one person ever since she left the lecter castle - she helped hannibal and will escape after The Fall; she told hannibal she would continue to watch over him and i think she did, she got them a boat and got them the fuck out of there - MOLLY IS DOING SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT WILL. SHE’S SO GLAD SHE GOT OUT OF THAT WHEN SHE DID. she has a good, long talk with alana and finds out all the shit about him and hannibal that will never told her (and it was a lot), gets drunk and burns all his shit, and then washes her hands of the whole thing; moves to a different state, gets a girlfriend, and never thinks about will again

okay i’m capping it there or i’m never gonna stop!! i’m not tagging anyone cuz i think everyone has done this by now lmao but if you’re a mutual who hasn’t and you want to just do it and say i tagged you!! mwah!!!!

[moonchildsaurora]

The Doctor who’s not really a Doctor

»»—— Crew Member #4 of Space Pirates ATEEZ ——««

all aboard The Perihelion, welcome to the co-pilot’s log system! here you’ll be able to access the crew’s profiles should you wish to read about their journeys:

[CAPTAIN] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

“look I’m a doctor but not that kind of doctor, please don’t bleed all over me”

often described as having celestial-level beauty, with a demon’s fiery soul (and mouth)

get on his bad side and he’ll start a solar flare magnitude of a roast that you wished you weren’t invited to 

“HE’S MY BEST FRIEND, WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FO-“, “yes OK WE GET IT WOOYOUNG” 

grew up in the upper district of Liyutania where it’s renowned for its rich architecture, scholarly institutions and affluent demography. The lower district consists of merchant markets, working-class citizens and where the nationally popular activity of podracing would take place in Drifters Arena 

Yeosang is half human, half Suva [database file: rumoured to be descendants from the stars] hence the etherealness he’s inherited from his mother. His hair and skin has a soft glow whenever he’s in direct sun light, has limited ability to self-heal (although it takes up quite a bit of energy to do so) and precognition – both of which are common among Suvas. However Yeosang has yet to gain control over his visions; majority of the time it comes randomly and only shows for the next instant/near-future rather than far future 

the days Yeosang wasn’t cooped up reading encyclopaedias on the major comets and constellations of Planet Aipotu, he’d tag along with the family’s cook to the lower districts to help with ingredients shopping 

on the contrary to stereotypes for people of his class, Yeosang was brought up in a family who taught about equality rather than status, compassion over ignorance. So mingling with the lower district community was something he actually enjoyed, often finding the residents to be more genuine despite their rustic nature 

Old Brax from the local bakery would often treat Yeosang to a hot oshiadilla bun [database file: steamed buns that comes with various floral-infused custard filling] ever since he offered to help the baker package and display the food around the shop 

a simple smile, greeting and/or subtle kind gestures were what made Yeosang loveable 

the day 10 year old Yeosang experienced his first vision was the same day Wooyoung came stumbling into his life. A confused little Yeo managed to smoothly side-step and grab onto the stranger with lilac hair to stop a potentially painful crash thanks to his foresight 

“I like your hair! It’s the colour of clouds at sunset….I’m Yeosang by the way. Kang Yeosang! What’s your name?” 

immediately Wooyoung knew this kid was different from the rest of the uppers (slang for the rich ones) and dropped his defences a little more, “name’s Wooyoung and thanks for…” 

“just Wooyoung?” 

Yeosang learnt at a young age just how privileged he really is, and his brows furrowed at thought of how lonely it must’ve been for Wooyoung – what youngling would want to return to an empty house at each day’s end? 

first he split half his oshiadilla bun to share, before changing up young Wooyoung’s routine in a more pleasant way by making sure he’s surrounded by laughter and good company that night 

the Kangs pretty much find themselves having a new addition to the family, the first time Yeosang saw Wooyoung drop his tough exterior was when his mother fitted Woo in his new school uniform and embraced him as if he was her own child 

where Yeosang excelled in, was his studies (because the boy genuinely enjoyed learning) whilst Wooyoung gave it his best, though his intelligence comes in a different form   

has always loved astronomy and reading since young, which his parents were supportive of and provided the means for him to continue studying at the top institutes for his doctorate 

is well versed with 8 different languages and specialised in deciphering scripts as well as star charts/maps by the time he graduated 

being a model student Yeo has a sophisticated disposition with underlying quick-wittedness. He once broke character to deck a classmate with a book and even went as far to throw hands for verbally humiliating and splashing dirty water on Wooyoung in the eating hall. Wooyoung had to hold him back before the Headmistress came storming in to break up the fight 

his parents gave him a stern talking but they understood his intentions, Yeosang’s mother in particular was just as protective of her adopted son

nowadays if Yeosang had to attack it’d be through his colourful vocabulary because, “my jawline isn’t the only thing that can cut a bitch”

he did learn some hand-to-hand combat from San and Wooyoung had taught the basics of shooting a beam pistol – for extra precaution of course 

became The Perihelion’s official navigator after the crew met him at one of Wooyoung’s racing days

long story short: miscommunication occurred with a local merchant so cue Yeosang to the rescue – majority of the crew gawking at this angel – fluently translating to the correct dialect and civilly explaining to the hot-headed merchant that what they meant was “how much?” and not “shit fraud” 

he knew exactly the item they were after (thanks to an impromptu vision again) which caused Hongjoong to be shook, San was mildly impressed and the rest of the crew were just confused

“do you think he can read minds?”, “hush! He’s right there…..though that’d be cool if he could”

“no offence but you might want to work on your intergalactic translations first before trying to translate charts,” and here they all thought that San’s gaze was piercing, Yeosang might as well have shot arrows through them

Yeosang was totally lowkey judging

as thanks Hongjoong invited Yeo along for lunch, classic enthusiastic Mingi picked the boy up before anyone else could say anything and started to walk off in search of food

Seonghwa tried to get him to put Yeosang down because he was 90% sure that the half-Suva was close to using the good ol’ knee-them-in-the-balls, plus the rest of the public were starting to stare           

“HEY! What in Andromeda’s name are you doing with my best friend?!” a wild sweaty, sleeves already rolled up Wooyoung appeared 

thankfully with space dad’s & mum’s intervention, things didn’t get too out of hand (save for Wooyoung nearly butting heads with both San & Mingi) and by the time the twin suns were setting everyone was sharing drinks at the local Tav 

after Yeosang casually enquired Hongjoong’s crew about their intentions for needing the map to Parilles [database file: a minor planet long forgotten in the current’s solar system], there was a moment of silence before a barrage of “HOW DO- YOU CAN READ THIS SCRIPT???”

later on Yeosang would break the news to his family that both him and Wooyoung got invited to ‘an expedition’ which they accepted, “just so I can finally make use of this piece of parchment that I only spent a quarter of my life studying for.” Both of them promising their parents to write whenever they can and visit annually at least 

grew to become Seonghwa’s favourite child, sometimes helping the actual doctor with his work (or care for plant children). Refused to leave his side when the newly-awoken cyborg was in recovery, “there’s just something in my eyes and no I DON’T need tissues” followed by not so subtle sniffles

the navigator’s office is nothing less than regal (contrasting the rest of the ship’s organised mess) with shelves of books, pin boards, dangling starcatchers and a solid cherry oak desk in the middle where Yeosang would be busily scribbling notes with ink & quill on the array of charts he’s got splayed out as his little Yunhogizer flits around. Somewhere in there is also a secret compartment filled with emergency sweet treats too 

currently is dealing with sulky Wooyoung and Mingi because he blocked them on the companion bot’s messenger after that whole spicy photos fiasco that he’s so sure has permanently scarred his otherwise perfect eyesight; “be gone you ferals, and repent for your sins! By the way, I’m revoking bro privileges Wooyoung”

(moodboard made with love, by @s1ardusk​ ♡)

[darksunrising]

Sola Gratia (16/?)

Masterlist

Rating / Warnings : Graphic depictions of violence (death, gore, body horror). Reader discretion is advised.

Fandom : Bram Stoker’s Dracula, BBC’s Dracula, various Dracula and vampire lore.

Part 16/? (3111 words)

Author’s notes : Leah’s pov. 

~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Once I got used to the way Carmilla drove her truck like a bumper car, and made my peace with my imminent death, I realized she actually never was anything close to hitting anything. She just had that crazy energy that called for concern, somehow. When I was able to shrug it off, though, I was actually pretty fun. She kept a hand on the wheel, not seeming to pay much attention to the road at all, and asked me a lot of questions.

You'd think that would be the other way around, but she somehow seemed interested In knowing things about me. She wondered about my hobbies, my research subject, my favorite sound, or if I'd rather have licorice for teeth, or fruit-by-the-foot for arms. We ended up disagreeing on that matter, but to be fair, I figured licorice wasn't that bad for someone who feeds exclusively on blood.

She parked in my street, and I guided her toward a tall, 15-something stories high building I called home. It was old, but not enough as to be aesthetically pleasing like Eris', or even have an old-fashioned charm. Nah, mine was from some forgotten architect's mind from the seventies, who modeled the whole block out of the most boring version of brutalism possible. Like, I had nothing against brutalism per se, Le Corbusier buildings usually slap, but this one... Wasn't it. When I first started to live there, I did the math of how many people could live in such a huge place, and the quick realization that it was well over a three-digit number gave me vertigo for days. As of now, it seemed perfectly normal, and I knew most of the people living there on a first-name basis. Carmilla was looking over the stark lines of concrete, dividing the façade in hive-like rectangles.

“Well, that's... Uninspired”, she commented, which made me laugh.

“You're nowhere near ready for the inside, then”, I replied, fumbling for my keys.

I buzzed us in, the strong, metallic noise of the door making her cringe. I myself took some time to get used to it. The floor was covered in some cheap imitation of marble, and the walls by some faded, yellowed wallpaper no one had bothered changing or cleaning in years. The roof, as was the trend back when it was built, was a dirty white rough plaster, that too never cleaned, as parging was obviously nearly impossible to wash. I called for the lift, giggling at Carmilla's cringe. As the red LEDs showed the lift's slow descent toward the ground floor, I knocked on the wooden frame a few times.

“What's that for ?”, the vampire asked, curious.

“Oh, it's superstition, so that the lift doesn't break down”, I replied, the absurdity of the ritual hitting me as I put it into words.

“That doesn't make any sense.”

“Never said it did !”

As the small screen indicated it reached our floor, with a small, rusty bell sound, I opened the door. It was the kind of elevator that had no doors of its own, but every floor had a swing door, opening onto the shaft. That always seemed like an incredibly hazardous system, especially considering the number of children I spotted running down the corridors every damn day. And no, there was obviously no security close to the doors, meaning anyone could just throw themselves down the elevator shaft at any given time. Miraculously, there had been no incidents since I moved there, except the one instance of a 60-something year-old man breaking his hip. The lift didn't go all the way to match the level, because of God knows what kind of mechanical failure, and he missed the step. Thankfully, the walls are kind of thin here, and his scream quickly alerted a neighbor, who called an ambulance immediately.

Still, there were always stories, the usual type you find in any buildings, really. One lady, scorned by her lover, supposedly threw herself down in despair, her cries still haunting the halls in moonless nights. On the thirteenth floor, the elevator would seem there, but as you'd open the door, you would only see the pitch black darkness of the shaft, and be pushed in. As I myself lived on that particular floor, I never had any instance of dying by supernatural forces in six years of residence. Not yet, at least.

While the lift went up, the familiar slight squeaking noise was the only disturbance to the silence. I propped myself against the wall opposite the door, and she had her elbow pressed against the same wall, nonchalantly leaning over me. I tried looking as casual as possible, but I could somehow feel like she delighted in the effect she had on me. I wondered if it was perfume, but she smelled strange. Not bad, mind you, but something unusual. I could have described it saying it was spicy, yet sweet, like cinnamon and honey in a lemon black tea, but it felt more like a landscape. The more I focused on that perfume, the more everything seemed to fade away, placing images in my mind. Dark, orange dunes, undulating under a deep blue sky, ripples of golden grains softly running across their quiet surface. Tall ridges of red stone, carved by the winds and ancient, long gone rives into maze-like patterns, so narrow the bright moon couldn't fit entirely in the gorges.

The elevator bell suddenly brought me back to reality, and though still a bit shaken, I didn't mention anything. I led her into the long corridor, bathed in an orange, flickering haze by the wall lights. I opened my door with the usual struggle, and as usual, proved the victor, pushing it in. Whoever put it on its hinges obviously did a marvelous job, as it was a bit tilted, and drew a circular black mark where it dragged every time I opened it. Seeing as she didn't get in, I quickly invited her in, closing the door behind her with a kick.

I regretted not putting a bit more order into the flat, even if I had no way of knowing I'd get a visitor. I mean, Eris did come over regularly, but we knew each other long enough that she didn't pay any mind to the mess, knowing where to step to not squeeze out a cable or something like that. It wasn't dirty, I just figured furniture was too expensive and not useful enough as to be something I'd waste money on. Most of my books were stacked in piles along the wall, which was arguably better than standing up anyways, concerning the warping of pages. My couch, tables, chairs were also the results of many DIY weekend with Eris, using pallets we found scavenging around big supermarkets, and a lot of time sanding, varnishing, and painting. Same for the cushions and the like, that we made ourselves too, buying a whole roll of cheap upholstery white fabric, and a metric ton of stuffing. In all, I think we did 90% of the whole house furnishing ourselves. It gave the place a singular look, very colorful, and a bit alien, with all the cables snaking across the walls, and the plants hanging all over from the ceiling or about anywhere. We also made up some overly complicated automatic watering system, that was more or less efficient, and only used whenever I felt like cleaning up the mess.

The point was, it was a weird-ass apartment, and I wondered if Carmilla would like it. She looked around, and I chose not to read into her expression. She went up to a suspended spider-plant, in a pot hoisted up by a hemp net.

“Did you make this yourself ?”, she asked.

“Yeah, the net and the pot, actually”, I replied, anxiously waiting for her appreciation.

She smiled, and gave it a little push, leaving the plant to softly swing around.

“I love it.”

I sighed with relief, which made her laugh. A bit embarrassed, I went to look for my tech stuff, and set it on the bar, booting up the computer. As it took its time, I went over the coffee machine, asking Carmilla if she'd like a cup. She only raised an eyebrow. Ah, fuck me. She said a polite “No, thank you”, yet sounded like she was lightly making fun of me.

The sound of the whirring machine covered the one, a bit more faint, of my long, high-pitched squeal of embarrassment. I always felt like the mere feeling of the hot cup into my hands was enough to start up a working mood. I set the VPN running, for a start.

“So, what exactly should I be looking for ?”, I asked Carmilla.

“I think the records of the latest murders would be a good start, if you can access those”, she proposed, moving over behind me, eyes on the screen.

“If I can access those”, I scoffed, and started typing away.

I did get caught fast last time, but I thought my only obstacle was breaking in, not being anonymous. That time, I wouldn't make that mistake. Their servers were very well protected, but then again, nothing is truly unbreakable. Those especially powerful often get cocky, and being cocky often allows for mistakes. Mistakes I did a great job exploiting, if I do say so myself. Breaking into the archive of MINA's wasn't that hard. I, of course, focused much of my energy being certain I could not be identified. Being inside such a huge building, with tons of different IPs and internet traffic, hiding was not that hard. I came to be pretty disappointed, however, when I could find no trace of any of the documents. Some uninteresting incidents, very easily disputed in terms of paranormal activity, a lot of recordings, all labeled with an identification number, all starting with the letters MAG, which puzzled me somewhat. I didn't think it over much, and reviewed the rest of the files. None matched those that Carmilla looked for. I groaned in frustration.

“I don't think they digitized those files yet, for some reason”, I told her.

“Probably because the case isn't closed yet”, she observed, and took a pause, thinking. “Which means there probably will be more to come...”

“What do you mean ?”

“Could you access the local police radios ?”, she asked, her confidence back on.

Nothing easier. Tapping onto those was fast, and if you knew where to look, pretty efficient. The only problems were the important traffic, which made it complicated to find only the information that actually interested you. Trying to follow murders, while having no idea where to look or when to expect it was a bit complicated.

I set up another post for my accomplice, and we got to listening, me going through the coffee pot, her changing her way of sitting every time I looked up at her. At some point, she was entirely upside down, her legs thrown over the back of the couch. After a while, something finally caught my attention. I quickly called Carmilla over, and she joined me, sharing my headphones.

“... complaint at 231 Cloverfield lane, nearby personnel please respond.”

“Officer Price responding, am in the area, i'll check it out. Do you have specifics ?”

“Affirmative, officer Price. Got a missing person's report for one Edward Leeds, resident at 231 Cloverfield lane, appartment B, break--”

“Go ahead.”

“Got a complaint for a smell of rot coming from Leeds' apartment just now. Possible Major Crime, use code zero.”

“Copy that, am en route. Over and out.”

I looked over at Carmilla. That sounded a lot like something that could interest us. She had the same feeling, and we quickly made our way out. I typed the address into my phone as we took the elevator down. It was a bit less than a ten minutes away, which meant less than five in Carmilla's manner of driving. We were then quickly on the scene, and found the police car sitting in front of the building. I advised Carmilla to park a little ways away, as her car wasn't exactly blending in. We found a spot in a parallel street, and hurried over to the place.

“How are we supposed to get in ?”, I asked my partner in crime.

“I have my idea”, she told me, and undid her braid to tie her hair back up into a tight bun. “Just follow my lead, and we'll be fine.”

Intrigued, I climbed the stairs along with her, and I opened the door, as to be able to invite her in. As soon as pulled on the handle, however, I was overcome with a putrid smell, so thick it started to choke me. I covered my mouth with my sleeve, and reluctantly stepped in, inviting Carmilla to follow me. The door to apartment B was cracked open, which explained why the smell was so strong. Even Carmilla seemed a bit disturbed, which was saying something.

I once again was the first to step in, allowing her to follow. She then took the lead, as we were soon spotted by who I assumed was officer Price. She just had called for backup, and looked pale as a ghost.

“This is a crime scene, you need to step out of the flat”, she urged us, sounding nauseous, but trying her best to be firm.

“Officer Price, we are private investigators for MINA. I'm sure you understand the reason of our presence here”, Carmilla told her, taking a silky, sweet tone.

The officer seemed surprised, and opened her mouth to answer, only an instant, and closed it, as if she forgot what she was going to say.

“We'll need to take a look, please go get some fresh air”, she told her.

The woman seemed confused, but nodded, and left. I looked over to Carmilla. She winked at me, and crossed the living room. If she had seemed bothered by the smell, she barely winced anymore. I felt like I was about to puke, even with the double shield of my sleeve and my hands, but still followed her. Morbid curiosity, maybe. I knew I would regret it. We went towards an open door, leading into a dark room.

The blinds were partly closed, only leaving a thin stream of pale sunlight through. Dust swirled and sparkled in it, and I got lost in the golden dance a second, not really wanting to look anywhere else. My eyes took a moment to get used to the dark. The apartment was ancient, the kind you see on historical TV shows about the 19th century or something. Wooden floors, high ceilings. I started by those, expecting they would be untouched by whatever horror was burning itself into my nose and lungs. That's why I was all the more horrified to see the dark stains on the white moldings, dripping onto the chandelier, where, like garlands, intestines were hanging. Bile surged up my throat, and I almost threw up on the floor. Taking a second, eyes closed, I swallowed, hard. I hadn't paid much attention to the noise, and I only now noticed the buzzing of flies.

I gathered myself, and opened my eyes back. Carmilla was leaning over the bed, hands crossed behind her back. Carefully, apprehensively, I let my eyes follow up to what she was observing. You could definitely tell it had been a human man, at some point. Mostly naked, though strips of fabric clung to the skin, blistered and red, weirdly swollen, like someone tried to stuff him without really knowing what they were doing. Deep gashes ran across the torso, splitting it open, the broken ribs sticking out or sunken in. Most of the organs were unidentifiable lumps of meat, coated in a viscous, yellowed liquid, soaking the sheets and the skin in a sick, brownish sheen.

The part that disturbed me most, somehow, in the atrocious mess, was the left arm. Don't get me wrong, the skin was as red and swollen as the rest of it, but didn't seem to have suffered the same rabid violence as the rest of the body. I got closer, my interest and curiosity momentarily overcoming my disgust. It seemed Carmilla had the same reflexion. No wound seemed to have reached that part, which was odd given the left had been... gnawed, like a dog's chew toy. Only distinctive sign was a single puncture, right where you'd take a blood sample at the doctor's office.

Now that I thought about it, there was surprisingly little blood around the body. A few splatters, here and there, but nothing of consequence. The sheets, that I thought drenched in it, were only imbibed in the juices a corpse produces in decay, and the rot set the dark coloring. If that poor man was killed for blood, and if it had been transfused rather than drank directly from the source, that still didn't explain the carnage.

“This is not him”, Carmilla whispered, almost to herself.

“What do you mean ?”

“This”, she stated, a bit  of anger in her voice, “Is not the Elder's work. This... Undignified slaughter, this macabre display of gore is definitely not his signature move.”

“You think a human did this ?”, I squeaked.

“No. I think he already has created himself Hunters”, she told me, as if I was supposed to know what that meant. Seeing my puzzled look, she kept going. “Newborns, that get him the blood he needs to grow stronger, to survive. Who can't control their impulses.”

Her tone was so disdainful, it almost made me feel inadequate too. She advised we should leave, and I heartily agreed, not too keen on staying in the rancid place. As we left the flat, we started hearing distant sirens. As we passed by Officer Price, Carmilla told her we were never there, to which she nodded, and looked past us like we disappeared. We made our way back to the car, and as soon as it was in sight, I felt nauseous again, and Carmilla barely had the time to pull up my hair as I emptied my stomach onto a street bin. Feeling dizzy, my arms shaking as they held onto the edges of the trashcan, I was only a bit relieved by her hand, softly stroking my back.

“I need to shower for a week, now”, I croaked after spitting out the last of the bile out of my mouth.

She laughed and opened the passenger door for me.

“I'd be honored to help you with that as well.”

~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~

Taglist : @carydorse @angelicdestieldemon @bloodhon3yx @thewondernanazombie @battocar @moony691 @mjlock @thebeautyofdisorder @festering-queen @paracosmfantasy @lost-girl-inc

[bloomeng]

MDZS/Hogwarts au Headcanons

This au is a classic, but per usual I have opinions so here we go. (Also let’s pretend we do not see you know who)

All the patronuses are based on the official list and descriptions (I’ll leave the link below).

Wei Wuxian:

Gryffindor

Do I even need to make an arguement for this??

Patronus: Crow or Dolphin (I genuinely can’t decide)

Has friends in all houses and floats around among the tables in the great hall

Has been in all the houses common rooms tho

Probably good at most subjects, but he is amazing at defense against the dark arts

Definitely plays Quidditch, and is definitely the seeker too

Y’know typical over-achiver, star of the show, but without really trying

Steals books from the resticted section, not because he wants to read them, just because he was told they were off limits

He also steals food from the kitchen on his way back from the Hufflepuff common room (visiting Yanli ofc)

Is the kid that looses all of the points for his house, which means he also has most of the names in trophy room memorized (just from the sheer amount of time he’s had to clean them in detention)

Curfew is more of a suggestion, in his opinion nightime is the best time to roam the castle

He’s ended up in the hospital wing so many times that he basically has a bed reserved

Jiang Cheng:

Gryffindor

Between the loyalty, courage, ambition to “attempt the impossible,” and secret heart of gold, he could rival wwx’s Gryffindor spirit

Patronus: Chow Dog

Grumpily follows around during his misadeventures to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself

Or rather he’s the one who drags wwx’s ass to the hospital wing when he does hurt himself

Only one out of the trio (wwx, nhs, jc) who actaully studies

Hates divination, thinks it’s all a hoax, and it bugs the crap out of him that nhs actually belives in it

Is the captain of the Quidditch team, started as a chaser but now he’s the keeper

Was chosen to be a prefect

His favorite perk is the fancy bathtub, which nhs has definitely bribed him to gain access to

Shares his dorm with wwx, and he’s always complaining how he has to drag him out of bed

Lan Wangji:

Ravenclaw

He do be out here being super creative with that Guqin, and also owning our asses with his intelligence

Patronus: Wild Rabbit

I’d estimate that he spent 90% of the first 3 years of school in the library

Insert intense glaring at wwx as he tries to sneak into the restricted section

Somehow missed that wwx played Quidditch until his brother dragged him to a game

Needless to say he never missed a Gryffindor game after that

Somehow he managed to score one point off of a perfect grade on his OWL

Y’all already know he’d be a prefect, do I even need to say it

His favorite place in the castle is the window seat in Ravenclaw tower

Pretends to protest wwx sneaking into his common room

Imagine: Wangxian Hogsmeade dates and wwx trying to get him to wear his Quidditch jersey

Lan Xichen:

Hufflepuff

Although I feel like you could make a strong case for Ravenclaw, but the compassion and open-mindedness wins out

Patronous: White Swan

Professors love him, even Snape manages to tolerate him, probably by his 5th year he’s friends with half his professors

His favorite class is herbology but he’s also really good at charms and transfiguration

Owns an owl that he shares with his brother that he named something dumb like “Harold”

Has the Daily Prophet delievered every morning, and always thanks “Harold”

He grew up in a pure blood family so he is fascinated by muggle culture, and he is constantly asking jgy questions

Once jgy shared music from his ipod (yknow like one of the og ipods) and it blew his mind

Probably tried to help the house elves in the kitchen at some point, but was kicked out because he caused more damage then actual help

Somehow he was made a prefect in his fourth year???

He just roots for the under dog in Quidditch games, which often leads to a friendly competition between he and his brother (Gryffindor is never the underdog, not with wwx and jc on the team)

Nie Huaisang:

Slytherin

Again do I even need to make a case for this???

Patronus: Sparrow

Doesn’t even try and hide the fact that he let’s wwx and jc into the Slytherin common room

Often sits at the Gryffindor table because he wants to sit with wwx and jc

Instead of studying, he is constantly trying to find ways to cheat by designing bewitched items

By his 7th year he has his own business selling his cheats

His favorite class is divination, everyone assumes it’s because he’s a believer, but in reality he finds the subject hilarious and he’s amazed how a scam can go so far as to have a full educational class dedicated to it

Forged his brother’s signature on the Hogsmeade form, because Mingjue told him he wasn’t allowed to go if he was failing a class

Can’t fly a broom for the life of him

Barely passed his OWLS

In general he’s far more concerned with gossip and playing match-maker then doing any of this school work (who do you think told lxc to bring lwj to a Gryffinsor Quidditch game??)

(My monkey Xiyao controled brain likes to think that he’s been trying to set the two of them up for years, but that might just be me)

Jin Guangyao:

Slytherin

AGAIN do I really need to explain my thought process on this??? He’s cunning and manipulative, case closed, I do not take critism

Patronus: Grass Snake

Struggles in conjouring magic, but makes up for it in written work and testing

In general he works very hard and is most likely top of his class, despite the lack of natural ability

His favorite class is potions, because it’s simply a matter of following directions

The first friend he made was lxc after realizing as first years that they had really similar class schedules and decided to study together

His mother was a muggle, and thus he was raised in the muggle world, so there’s a lot of prejudice from his housemates

Every once in awhile he’ll quietly ask lxc to explain something about the wizarding world

To the annoyance of his house, he was made a prefect

Somewhere along the way he befriended nhs

The relationship dynamic is as follows: jgy forces nhs to study, while nhs forces him to come with him to Hogsmeade (mainly so that he doesn’t have to pay for his own food)

Jiang Yanli:

Hufflepuff

She’s just so sweet, compassionate, and kind not to be a Hufflepuff

Patronus: Doe

Her favorite classes are Herbology and Care for Magical Creatures

She’s really good with animals

She read that you were allowed to bring an animal and immediately went out to buy a cat

Buys wwx snacks on the Hogwarts Express, even though she made him lunch

She brought a phonograph and a collection of records from home, and set it up in the common room

No one knows where it came from, but people started to slowly add to the collection of records

Now the common room is just constantly filled with music

Lxc knows it was her, but he didn’t see the harm in letting it stay, so he let it be (plus he also enjoys music)

She goes to Quidditch games and roots for Gryffindor despite... not being in Gryffindor (she’s a supportive sister)

Spent most of her 4th year stopping wwx from fighting Jin Zixuan (the year before she started dating him)

She really do be living the cliche dream of the Hufflepuff/Slytherin relationship

Jin Zixuan:

Slytherin

He’s the typical pompous, preppy, asshole, that people assiociate with Slytherins

Patronus: Peacock

The first thing he did when he got to Hogwarts was set up his side of the dorm room to make it more up to his “standards”

His dad tried to convince him to play Quidditch, but he refused

Basically ignores jgy’s existence.... even though they’re in the same house

Loathes herbology because it requires getting his hands dirty

Is racist(?) towards muggleborns

He always has a mob of girls surrounding him at all times, yet doesn’t know how to properly process his own feelings for Yanli

I’d say he’s trying his best but that would be a lie, he thinks he’s doing the most though

He takes school very seriously, and he scored pretty well on his OWLS

One time in potions something went wrong and his potion blew up in his face quite literally, and wwx hasn’t let him live that down

Xue Yang:

Slytherin

He is bad man grrrrrr and a sly bastard, so ofc he’s the house of snek

Patronus: Weasel

Everyone hates him, his professors, his housemates, even the ghosts avoid him

Except Peeves, in fact Peeves love him

Probably because he’s constantly messing with people

He’s the only person to rival wwx’s detention record

He is fantastic at defense against the dark arts

He likes to mess with Trelawney by purposely making death omens in his readings

He just doesn’t do assignments, yet does really well on exams and passes???

Snape would vouch for him, that’s the vibe I get

He plays as a beater on his Quidditch team, and he’s known for knocking people out

Xiao Xingchen:

Hufflepuff

He’s kind, selfless, and is always trying to see the good in people, which screams Hufflepuff

Patronus: Dragonfly

Is really good with charms

Even though he’s of age, he hates appariting and will do a lot to avoid it

Runs group study sessions, with the help of sl

A big activist in freeing house elves working for old families

Stops to have full conversations with the paintings

Is the only person in the school that tries to be friendly to Xue Yang

Song Lan:

Ravenclaw

He seems to have that very principled and intelligent nature of a Ravenclaw

Patronus: Dun Stallion

He doesn’t really have a lot of friends outside of xxc, but he doesn’t seem to mind

He’s that one person who actually enjoys professor Binns’ History of Magic class

He lets xxc drag him to Hogsmeade, even though the crowded shops make him uncomfortable

Shh it’s a secret but he also has a major sweet tooth and he will buy a shit ton of candy

Because of his scary amount of knowledge of Hogwarts and its history, he managed to find the room of requirement

So he and xxc end up moving their study sessions there when their group size outgrows the library

Anyway that’s all for now, but if you have a request be sure to ask!

Anyway I’m proud of the patronus choices I made for these, mostly. I know that it’s inevitable that someone will disagree with the house placements, so just note that these are purely my opinons.

Patronus info link:

[suziechism]

If you have not yet heard it, this is my current single, Socio out now on all platforms. This is a really exciting track for me, as it is a change of pace from the rock music I have been writing/performing for the last 8 years, and is one of my first production projects. Although it skews pop, I was inspired by hip hop from the 80s and 90s when selecting synth and guitar tones (both performed by me,) and was obsessing over the simple, yet thoughtful percussion in old Snoop Dogg and Dre songs. I had full creative control over this sucker, as it was recorded mostly in my home in Nashville (back ground vocals and percussion added at my next-but-previous home in East LA a few months later.) The song is a series of mishaps gone right, from the horrendous topic of a Sociopath itself, to the fact that my shoulder had recently become dislocated when I wrote it leaving me unable to write on my usual instrument. In fact, I had one arm in a sling most of the time then, and could not work at all; I borrowed a friends old Juno out of boredom. His Juno had keys that did not work, which decided the progression of chords. I was incredibly blessed to have Chuck Bartels of the Sturgill Simpson band come in to play bass on the track, and it took him about ten minutes total. -He is a super funky Detroit cat, and I paid him in tacos for the session. The engineer on this song, Paul Cossette, did not particularly like concept of sound I was going for, but was supportive in connecting the dots for my wild ideas, including our attempt to rope in Frank Romano on guitar. -Frank currently plays for Rob Thomas, but was ideal for this song because he played the ever-iconic intro riff on P. Diddy’s “I Need a Girl Pt. 2″ I was SO pumped, but he was ultimately unable to be a part of the project, and I took over the responsibility of guitar. The whistle sound was the first time I recorded my new Behringer D, a Model D clone that is accessible in price. The song was mixed by F. Reid Shippen (Robot Lemon) and mastered by Dan Bacigalupi at Infrasonic Sound. The song has been marked “explicit” on Spotify, although the lyric in question says “take me home and fun me, make me think I’m lucky.”

This is an interesting write for me, because it is lyrically very matter-of-fact, rather than my usual hemorrhaging of emotion. I was very detached from the subject, likely due to the trauma involved in having been manipulated by someone with sociopathic behavior. The song really tells the story, but does not even begin to touch the layers of intricate, impressive, detailed deception (and ueventually harassment) that was involved in dating a sociopath. -The term “web of lies” COULD NOT BE more accurate. In retrospect, dismissing the millions (not an exaggerated estimate) of red flags that lined the road I was too-far down was a direct correlation to my lack of self-respect/love, but it was in no way my fault. I loved this man as much as I was capable of loving another human at that time in my life, and thought loving him despite his transgressions was a sign of love itself. In fact, he seemed to have a knack for finding women who doubted themselves; victims by definition, absolutely. He told me many times “I love that you are hot and you don't know it!” Later I realized that is what he is looking for, people who don’t see in themselves what other people perhaps do. I dated him for 5 of the 8 years that I lived in Nashville, and can count 11 people off the top of my head that reached out to me during that time to inform me that they were also dating my boyfriend. I found out later I was not the main squeeze, as he had been with someone from his home town since high school or shortly after. I was convinced that we lived together; he came and went 3-4/7 (sometimes more) days a week, sighting out of town rehearsals/shows and late night radio gigs as explanation for the remaining time we were apart. He was on another lease at an apartment, and had set up an extended-stay rate at a motel he used frequently as well. Because most of the women who contacted me were from WILDLY opposite walks of life than the world of music he and I had in common, or they were too young for the story to even be comprehendible for me, he talked his way out of any and everything. It wasn't until I faced him in a court room and saw the knee-jerk, untrue pathological responses in real time that I understood just how good this manipulator was. He was protecting his empire of bullshit.

Every morning he would crouch on the ground near the side of the bed and watch me sleep a while before kissing me goodbye, and would tell me I am his favorite girl; I didn't realize what he meant. What an asshole. I can’t remember quite how he phrased it, which is an incredible sign of healing, but the last-straw girl showed me a screenshot of their conversation in which he used this cutesy inside joke of ours to greet her. He was caught. Does he get sociopath bonus points for using the love I taught him on other people, or did he forget which girl receives which script? My long-term band Moseley had recently disbanded (lol get it?) and I had rehearsals for my FIRST show for my new band that day. I circled the house like a fishing bobber in an old cartoon, the tunnel closing in on my vision but my legs increasing in speed, pacing. When my bassist arrived, I had no words and was shaking uncontrollably. I didn’t have to tell him (but of course I did,) he just knew; everybody knew. -those damned snake eyes gave him away to everyone but me, where I just saw pain. The culprit was conveniently tucked away at a camp ground performing at Forecastle Festival with his band. I didn't think there was any chance I would get through my first performance with SUP, but it is the only technically perfect show I have ever played, to date. A scorned bitch is her most radiant.

I made it abundantly clear that I was not to be contacted, but Jabroni found a different phone to call from every day. EVERY day. He left voicemails to the tune of “call me back when you’re done whoring around East Nashville, you dumb cunt,” and “you’re so fucking stupid, if you believe this child over me,” “you’re so stupid no one will marry you,” he flooded my emails and texts messages. Occasionally I would write back some poetic, winded essay about the minutes within the hours within the days within the months that this had been going on and draining me of my everything, hoping it would make the man feel something for once and that he would stop the torture. He did not hear me. He sat outside my house regularly, where I could not stay unless I knew his band was on the road, for months and months. My dog sitter saw him looking in my windows. He left notes on my door. He threatened to disrupt me at work, so I found a new job immediately. There were trinkets (like drum keys, -he is a drummer) that I would find, strategically so that I knew he had been there. There were burner phones purchased, and bands being paid in radio time to do his dirty work for him. I was not the only woman being treated this way. Ultimately, this person damn-near rewired my brain to think up was down, and he most definitely ruined the next relationship I attempted. He loved to let me know he knew where I had eaten that day, or who I had been with. I used to have a recurring dream that I would sit down to eat in my kitchen, and that my foot would kick human flesh under the table, where he was hiding in the fetal position silently. I got bangs for the first time in twenty years as camouflage.

My temporary restraining order ended when he, in court, told the judge that I had been calling him and begging him to come over, that I wanted to get back together. That restraining order would have prevented this post, and this song, from existing. I remember watching the judge browse lunch menus on her computer while I gave my testimony, about forty minutes before she shamed me for my “dishonesty” and wasting the court’s time. He told all of Nashville he took me to court for blackmailing him. I don't think about him hardly ever, his memory replaced by someone capable of having my best interest at heart, -a concept so foreign to me that I thrash like a caged animal when presented with it. I thought of him while reading the Ryan Adams expose (his hero in all things, oddly enough,) THE SIMILARITIES ARE UNCANNY. I thought of him recently as I booked a trip to visit Nashville, when it flashed across my mind like a news ticker that HE STILL LIVES THERE! and that I did not want him to know the dates I would be traveling, or that I was coming at all!, for fear he could look up the flight schedules from LA-->BNA and it would all begin again. This is not normal, and this is not okay.

I wrote this song for the other women affected by this man or anyone like him, in retribution for the millions of times I am sure he denied my existence. I EXISTED. WE HAPPENED. HE CANNOT TALK HIS WAY OUT OF WHAT I LIVED THROUGH; I WAS THERE. One of my favorite lyrics I have ever written is in this song: “I kept hoping you would trust my love, enough to tell the truth if just for once.” One sentence to explain it all. As more truths have been uncovered, it is a bit bizarre how many of my songs predicted details that I had no way of knowing at the time; the female intuition is an earthly superpower that cannot be paralleled and should be trusted at all costs. How someone treats you is not a reflection of  YOUR ability to love, and as big as you can dream, I hope you dream of love and never stop chasing your dreams.

[0bfvscate]

Bright Movie

Screaming ‘We’re broken people now’ for every minor inconvenience is now an inside joke btwn me and my friends

Will Smith talks to his unnamed wife about the fairy at their bird feeder for a solid five minutes. I clocked it. Nothing happens in that entire scene. It’s just two people standing at their counter talking about the fairy in their bird feeder.

Will Smith goes outside and it is like the director is interrupting his own movie to tell me about how much he loves Boyz n the Hood

WHY ARE HIS NEIGHBORS HAVING A COOKOUT AT 7AM!?

Almost everyone in this movie is either a cop or a hilarious throwback to depictions of gang violence in 90′s tv and cinema

At one point a character actually turns to Will Smith and says “Yeah, they’re gangbanging up at Altamira like it’s 1999.”

It was at that moment that I paused the movie to google the director and discovered he directed Training Day (2001)

Not surprising to learn in the middle of a movie  so dated I could have used it to do the dude’s horoscope

"I wish you weren’t a cop. Everybody hates cops.” Hey David Ayer this is a movie about fairies not Training Day 2. How about you spend a little more dialogue explaining why Will Smith’s daughter needs to go to Grandma’s house, anyway?

Five minute exchange between Will Smith and Jakoby about how orcs can smell basically anything, from lies to sexual frustration. It was at this point that I wondered who was shipping the two leads.

Worldbuilding in this movie is nothing but exposition and news clips, but there is one scene where they go into ‘Elf Town’ and we learn that all elves are rich, because..............................

All orcs are discriminated against because they sided with the Dark Lord 2,000 years ago. “Wait a minute,’ I said to myself. “Does this take place in Middle Earth?”

The movie continues without answering this question, or explaining how the Dark Lord differs from Sauron in any way

In fact, there is no evidence within the film the Dark Lord isn’t Sauron, which really makes me want to see the gritty urban reboot of Hobbiton

While we’re talking about Hobbiton, where is the rest of Middle earth in relation to Modern Day LA? And how did magic influence colonial expansionism?

Everybody hates Jakoby to the point of violence and wants Will Smith to distance himself from him to prove he’s one of the Guys. Will Smith plays a very good Racist Who Doesn’t Think of Himself as Racist

Will Smith stops the car in front of a full-on beating, turns to Jakoby, and asks him what comes first; the Police Department, or other Orcs. This is terrifying and watching Jakoby stutteringly swear his loyalty to the cops makes it worse.

The movie basically acts like this scene never happens again after this point. Will Smith sort of redeems himself by the end of this movie, but not by apologizing or recognizing his mistakes.

David Ayer is at my door, knocking, asking me if I liked Dirty Harry.

One of the best scenes in this movie is watching the LAPD talk down a man covered head to toe in mud, swinging a sword, and screaming bout prophecies. I feel like this is the kernal of idea that the whole movie sprung from, and if the rest of the film started there and built on it, it would have been AMAZING.

Unfortunately, it turned into one of the weaker parts of the movie. This character does one more mysterious thing before he is revealed as just another stock character from a cop drama, this one being the position of a low-level urban disturbance. David Ayer shows his inexperience with real people like this by not ever explaining what’s actually wrong with him. The character is part of some secret magic club that everyone talks about as being sssuuUUUuuper important, but we literally never see them again.

A shoot out happens.

Tikka the Elf is introduced. She wears overalls, does backflips and doesn’t speak English. David Ayer breaks into my house, hits the pause button, and tells me much he loved Milla Jonovich in the Fifth Element

Tikka can only move by backflipping or being physically carried from place to place

The audience is introduced to the Magic Mcguffin that will carry the plot from here on out. It seemed a little silly, but the non-powered casts’ response to it feels very authentic. Their response is exactly why stories like this persist.

Unfortunately, this scene is also used to show why the Mcguffin is so difficult to wield, and the ensuing chase scene instantly stops making sense

One member of the antagonist raiding party grabs the Mcguffin in order to bring it back to his employer and not only disintegrates, but takes out three people in his cohort as it’s happening.

The Mcguffin can barely be transported safely

In Repo Man (1984), the Mcguffin is equally powerful and equally dangerous, and part of the plot is that absolutely nobody wants it. I feel like this would have been a better story to use at the foundation then Training Day or Escape from New York, which the writing team seemed to be drawing from

There’s also a convenient excuse to keep the cast within an accessible range to the plot, otherwise they would catch a plane to Argentina or something

There’s an effort to make elves seem scary, as if making them scary is a deconstruction in and of itself. It’s like the past seven Tolkien movies didn’t establish that Elves are killing machines who are against genocide by the grace of God

Orcs threaten to kill them even though the text of the movie says they should be honorbound to protect them

A prophecy gets brought up again and the soundtrack acts like that’s a big deal, even though we have no idea what the prophecy is and we’ve been following boring gangland violence for over an hour

Chicken Tikka is sick, dying and speaks English

It’s a good thing she is, because the plot was at a complete standstill

David Ayer is watching the Fifth Element on my computer next to me while I try to focus on his film

So we go back to the house with the underdeveloped anti-magic cult/gang and Noomi Rapace is playing Chicken Tikka’s abusive ex-girlfriend even though the script identifies her as her sister. I have to wonder where the decision to sex up this interaction was, and why they didn’t just have them be ex-lovers since that’s clearly what everybody on set wanted.

Will Smith reveals himself as the only person in this film who can use the Mcguffin

Ok

At the end of the movie Jakoby is super excited about being a part of a prophecy that I still don’t know. I’ll never know.

Super long, awkward comedy scene in a hospital that doesn’t advance the plot and doesn’t feel natural

Where was the editor

Was there an editor

Oh god finally we’re at the end of the movie and complaining about the events of the movie being edited for public consumption, but as they’re falling quiet and accepting the doldrums of everyday life, they see Tikka in the crowd and the end credit music starts

IDK why that was shot as some kind of touching and poignant scene. We’ve known for thirty minutes now that she survived.

Usually in movies like this, as the protagonist is settling back into their everyday life, we see a glimpse of the wonders behind the veil to offer hope and excitement for future adventures

But this is a world without a masquerade, so there is no veil, and we know that magic is still alive and well in this world

In conclusion, this movie is great to get drunk to and scream at with your friends

[shadyafternoontea]

Count- Dom!Ignis x reader- NSFW

So...uh...this idea has been rattling around in my brain for a long time. It occasionally whispered ideas like a basilisk roaming around some pipes. The original idea actually came from a headcanon @louisvuittontrashbags wrote a long time ago about Ignis.  And it hasn’t left my head. It also took a long time to put on paper because I had to do--uhhhhh--some...research *oh lord kill me now*.

This is pretty pure smut. TW: being tied up, sensory deprivation, edging, orgasm control.

Tagging @jastiss @whimsyofthewind @iggys-sous-chef @singergurl91 @tehrevving @xalmasyx @louisvuittontrashbags @hypaalicious @atarostarling @sugarbombxv

100…99…98…97…

You weren't sure how you ended up here.

96…95…94…93…92…

Well. Uh, you knew a little bit. It had started with that smile—soft, sweet, but the slightest curl at the edges hinting at mischief.

91…90…89…88…

“Will you indulge me tonight, my love?”

The hushed words were murmured into your ear from where he stood behind you, pulling you into his hard chest and arms wrapping securely around you enveloping you with safety.

87…86…85…84…83…

Soft hands grazed up your arms, goosebumps trailing in their wake…

82…81…80…

Nimble fingers pushed under your shirt, caressing sensitive flesh…

79…78…77…76…

Lips trailed along the slope of your neck and shoulders, pulling moans of pleasure as skin was marked for the night…

75…74…73…72…

You were gently urged forward towards the bed though you don’t quite remember when you lost your clothes.

71…70…69…68…

You didn’t even realize that your arms were pulled up as he kissed you senseless. It was hard to think of anything when those soft lips were against yours and his body covered yours.

67…66…65…64…

There was the sensation of cool silk around your wrists now.

Your eyes opened in shock, and Ignis pulled away, regarding you with a smug—if still sweet— grin.

“Just so you don’t move too much, darling.”

He lifted up just a little, taking your naked and now bound body in.

“But I cannot say,” he murmured almost to himself as he absentmindedly caressed your bottom lip with a thumb, “that seeing you like this at my mercy is anything short of stunning.”

63…62…61…60…

The blindfold was next.

You groaned as your vision went black.

Lips trailed along your cheek to your ear. “Safeword?”

A shudder passed through your body at the sensation of his deep voice against your ear. You struggled against a moan in order to answer, your voice already breathless. “Stasis.”

“Good girl.”  The words were murmured in your ear, approval clear in his tone.

The words themselves amplified the ache between your legs, but it was the warm hand on your inner thigh that made your breath hitch.

59…58…57…56…55…

The next command came shortly after.

“Open your legs, darling, let me see you.”

You obeyed immediately, taking pleasure in the pleased hum that bubbled out of your boyfriend’s throat. Your nerves were prickling with anticipation for his next move, skin feeling overly sensitive and acutely aware of how close his hand was to where you were feeling so needy.

“Such obedience should be rewarded, shouldn’t it?”

You would have nodded your head had he not chosen that moment to lean down and fix his mouth on your neck—at that very place he knew drove you crazy.  So, instead you moaned, tilting your head to give him better access.

His teeth nipped at the skin before his tongue followed it to lave a strip over the area. You squirmed at the sensation. You could feel the air your most exposed area, and your thighs tensed and twitched, fighting the sensation to close your legs to get some friction.

He noticed. His free hand threaded into your hair, the grip gentle but firm.

“Keep them open,” he growled.

A whine left your throat when he resumed his work on your neck, slowly dipping down your body. Another moan left your throat when his lips closed on a nipple. You felt it all the way down into your core.  Your hips rocked out of their own volition, trying to find friction, the ache delicious but tormenting.

This lips were teasing as they traversed the expanse of your body. He knew every nook and cranny that would drive you crazy, and he used them to his full advantage. When his mouth found a particular spot, you gasped, knees drawing slightly up to keep your legs from closing.

“Oh, very good,” he murmured. “Learning so fast.”

The weight of his palm on your thigh left, and you were left in the darkness and silence for a moment, the very core of you aching for his touch.  

54…53…52…51…50…

You threw your head back with a keen when his fingers finally touched your aching wetness, one finger pressed lightly, unmoving on your pulsing clit.

“So wet for me already, darling.”

You wanted to reply, yes, it was all for him—always, forever, but you weren’t sure if you would be able to form any words now.

“Tell me, darling, do you want more?”

You found your words then, as breathless as they were. “Yes, please… please.”

Instead, the hand was removed, and you let out a sob of frustration as you lost the contact you desperately wanted.

There was a beat of silence—an imperceptible change in the air—before a warm hand cupped your cheek. “Are you alright, love?”

You couldn’t see him, but you could hear the concern in his voice as he gave you a moment to gather your thoughts.

You nodded as well as you could.

“Do you want to continue?”

“Uh-huh…”

You were able to smell his cologne and feel the heat of his body first before his lips pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

And then he lifted himself and his hand away, and the mood in the room changed again.

“Well then, let’s propose a game.”

You jumped when an object touched your thigh.  You moaned when the vibration started and you realized it was your vibrator.  He moved it slowly along your inner thigh, making you squirm as it tickled sensitive skin.  You wanted it so badly pressed to your core that you were dripping.

You tensed, breath held in anticipation as he moved the vibrator to hover right above your aching clit.

“Let’s see how obedient you really are, shall we? Now, kitten, you are to count backwards from one hundred. And you certainly will not cum until you ask after you finish. Do you understand?”

Oh fuck me.

He knew how bad you were at these games, but goddamn if you weren’t as turned on as you’ve ever been in life.

“I asked if you understood.”

“Yes.”

He tsk’ed in disapproval. “Yes?”

Oh, Astrals, you motherfucker.

“Yes, sir.”

You clenched in pleasure at how turned on saying even that to him made you.

You heard the soft intake of breath at the title, and you would have smiled at having that effect on him had he not finally pressed the vibrator firmly to that aching button between your legs.

Your head arched back and a cry of pleasure left your throat at finally having some stimulation where you needed it. You thanked the Astrals and Ignis that the vibration wasn’t turned all the way on because you weren’t sure you would have lasted even a few seconds given how turned on you were.  The stimulation was perfect. It drew out the pleasure slowly, but you knew by the time you would finish, you’d be shaking.

“Start. Now.”

That’s how your evening had started.

—

“Forty-nine, forty-eight, forty-seven—” a long moan here as a subtle change in his grip had the head pressing at just the right spot on your clit.

“Forty-six—ahn!”

You were squirming now, your hips rocking forward on their own accord as you tried to keep your legs spread for him.

“Forty-five, for—forty-four—fuck!”

He had pressed the vibrator to you a little harder, and it took all your effort to not push your body towards it and let yourself fall.

“You look so beautiful like this, kitten. Unraveled like a present just for me.”

“Forty-three, forty-two, forty-one…” It took more effort to count, to search for the words and numerals in your mind.

“Ahn—” Yesssss

“Better hold it back, darling. You know what the consequences will be if you cum before you finish your count. But you won’t, will you?”

You could barely hear his words, but you felt their power in every twitch of your clit against the vibrator.

“Forty-forty, thirty-nine, thirty-eight, thirty-seven…” you count kept marching. You tried to keep your breathing steady, but you could feel the rise of your orgasm finally creeping up on you.

“Thirty-six, thirty-five, thirty-four, thirty-three, Ignis, please…” He had pressed the vibrator yet a little harder.

He let the slip of his name mercifully pass.

You gripped the silk ties tying you to the bedpost as tightly as you could, your knuckles turning white the force with which you were griping them.

“You like being this way, don’t you? Tied, spread, and dripping for me, and only for me?”

Fuck, he knew how much you liked his dirty talk.

“Thirty-two, thirty-one, thirty, thir—twenty-nine, twenty-eight—” you choked on your words as his hands caressed a nipple.

Your nipples were hard pebbles now, and every time his fingers brushed them, you felt an answering throb below where you were already being stimulated to your limits.

Every thing felt so good—the vibrator settled at your clit, his hand on your chest, and the warm breath you could feel at your neck.

The tip of his tongue made a lazy swipe at your neck.

“You taste of you is divine. I wonder how good you would taste if I replaced this vibrator of yours with my mouth.”

You inhaled sharply at that thought, but you forced it out of your mind before you fell apart.

“Twenty-seven, twenty-six, twenty-five, twenty-four…” Your words were becoming breathless, moans leaving your throat unbidden.

Teeth clamped to your neck, to that spot that made your breath hitch. He pulled at the skin with suction, and his tongue made broad strokes on the skin.  You moaned in pleasure, wanting to badly to wrap your arms around him.  

But you couldn’t deny how turned on you were at being restrained like this and being at his mercy.  Fuck, you wanted to come.

“Twenty-three, twenty-two, twenty-one, twenty…”

Your back arched against his body when he nipped at your skin, his tongue following the bite.  

“You look so wonderful like this. Maybe I shouldn’t let you cum,” he murmured against your skin.

You let out a whine even as your body shook from sensation.  

You squirmed as his lips traveled down your body, arching up as his tongue found the peak of your breast.  Your keen at the sensation was broken by a choked cry when he closed his mouth over a nipple.

“Nineteen, eighteen—ah!”  You weren’t even sure how you were even counting at this point. Your voice had become so breathless and barely intelligible.

You sagged a bit when he released you, breaths turning into pants as you tried to hold on and not go over the edge.

“You’re doing so well, kitten. Just a few more moments.”

“Seventeen, sixteen, fif..teen, f-f-four-fourteen…”

“That’s it, that’s my girl,” he murmured as your hips lifted by their own volition.

“Thirteen, twelve, e-eleven, t-ten, n-nine—ungh—I can’t—”

“You can.”

You could feel your entire body shaking at what it was taking you to not go over. You felt yourself holding your breath, your fight against the torrential current that was your impending orgasm growing weaker.

Fuck, you were so close…

“Ahnn!” You keened, your voice fracturing.

“Deep breaths, kitten.”

You followed his instruction and took a deep breath, feeling the return of some small semblance of control.

“Eight, seven six, five, fouuuuuuur—Oh Astrals!” He had turned up the vibrator.

“Three, t-two, o-one!”

You were shaking with the effort to keep your orgasm at bay, trying to take steady, deep breaths between the numbers.

“Please, can I cum, sir?”

You felt the air move around you and felt Ignis lean over you, breath falling against yours. A part of you wanted to lift your head and kiss him, but all you really wanted at that moment was to explode.

“You’ve been such good girl, haven’t you?”

“Uh-huh, yes, sir, I have.”  Ignis, fuck, let me—

“Then be a good girl, kitten, and tell me who you belong to.”

Ignis, god—don’t do this.

A whimper passed through your lips as you tried to focus.

“Time’s wasting, darling.”

You gasped, trying to control your breaths, thighs shaking with the effort to stave off your orgasm. “You! I’m yours, sir—Ignis—Iggy, please, please.”

“I so do enjoy your beautiful begging,” he murmured against your lips. And then he was leaning away.

He took a moment to take you in—arms tied, blindfolded, legs spread and shaking, dripping onto the smooth sheets underneath you with need, and that special panting you had when you were close—oh so close—to reaching your peak.  You were beautiful. And you were his.

“Cum for me, darling.”

And on that, you exploded, back arched, muscles taut, with a gasping cry you were sure his neighbors would probably hear.  You felt the creak of the headboard with the force with which you were pulling on your ties around your wrists.  You felt tears prickle at the sides of your eyes at the intensity of your orgasm, and you could hear yourself sound gasping like a fish out of water, trying to get in air.

Your hips moved against your vibrator, now thankfully set to low, still feeling the aftershocks of the explosive release.  He let you ride out your orgasm until your hips relaxed and your body sagged back into bed before he turned the vibrator off.  Your heart hammered in your ears so loudly that you could barely hear Ignis murmuring soft reassurances or feel his gentle touch on your skin.

You felt your heart and breathing slow after a long time, though your most intimate muscles still continued to contract and twitch while electricity spasmed through your core.

His hand on your outer thigh was gentle, and he brought his hand up slowly, lightly up your body, taking a moment to caress your cheek before lifting the blindfold off.

He moved his body over yours, putting himself in-between you and the light streaming from above to shield your eyes from the lifting darkness. You raised your eyes to his, and he gave you a soft smile as he leaned over your body and untied your wrist.

He kept your hands in his, lowering slightly to press a soft, lingering kiss to your cheek.

“You did so wonderfully, love,” he said, voice warm with a hint of pride lacing his tone.

“Holy shit, Ignis,” is all you could manage as a reply, but it seemed enough.

He chuckled softly at your response, and held your hands in front of him, massaging your wrists and hands.

He plopped down, a little uncharacteristically next to you, and rolled you to your side, pulling you into his arms.

“Are you alright, darling?”

Words came a little easier now as you snuggled into him.

“I’m fine, Iggy. Thanks.”

“You seemed like you needed a distraction,” he said into your hair, settling you comfortably against him.

“Mmmmm I did,” you said pressing an open mouthed kiss below his adam’s apple. “But, you seem like you need one too.”

Your hand crept down this chest, covered annoyingly still by a soft t-shirt to his trousers, where your hand met a very sizable bulge.

You felt his thick swallow under your lips before his hands reached for yours, stilling your hand’s light fluttering motion over his arousal.

“That’s not necessary, darling. I wanted to this night to be yours.”

“That’s fine, Iggy,” you said, hooking a leg around him and rolling so he lay below you as you straddled his hips.

He looked a little dazed now, eyes widening a measure—a far cry from the person he had been just moments ago.

“It is my night after all,” you said innocently before you leaned down and covered his body and lips with your own.

[pixeltownies]

simself tag I was tagged by @fussysim I tag any of my followers that want to do this

take a shot every time I say “my boyfriend”

traits: goofball, foodie, clumsy aspiration: friend of the world 1. What is your full name? tristan egbert 2.What is your nickname? tris/tj 3. Birthday?‪ december 14‬ 4. What is your favorite book series?  I don’t,. really read that often 5. Do you believe in Aliens or Ghosts? Y E S 6. Who is your favorite author? once again I really don’t read 7. What is your favorite radio station? pop + alt 8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? mango, fruit punch, etc etc, I like fruity things 9. What word would you use to describe something great or wonderful? “holy shit!” 10. What is your current favorite song? I have too many favs at all times for this 11. What is your favorite word? curse words lots of curse words 12. What is the last song you listened to? self esteem - the offspring 13. What TV show would you recommend for everyone to watch? ‪jane the virgin, how I met your mother, izombie, Gotham, hmu for more recs ‬ 14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? marvel movies + childhood movies 15. Do you play video games? mostly sims, I have others but I don’t have the accessibility to play them hh 16. What is your biggest fear? being alone 17. What is your best quality in your opinion? I’m good at listening and I’m a big people pleaser 18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? how lazy I am and how quickly I get peeved/angry 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? cats! 20. What is your favorite season? autumn 21. Are you in a relationship? yes :D 22. What is something you miss from your childhood? not much if I’m being honest 23. Who is your best friend? my boyfriend 24. What is your eye color? yellow, red, forest green and royal blue 25. What is your hair color? split pink & black but naturally dirty blonde 26. Who is someone you love? my mom + dad & my boyfriend & my siblings 27. Who is someone you trust? my boyfriend 28. Who is someone you think about Often? m y b o y f r I e n d 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? starting testosterone :) + meeting my boyfriend next year 30. What is your biggest obsession? uHh. cc, sims, Netflix, marvel, my boyfriend 31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? hannah montana, icarly, victorious, sam and cat, there are so many more but I’m absolutely blanking rn 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? I don’t really have many friends that are girls .. oops? 33. Are you superstitious? 50/50 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? none that I can really think of 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? kind of both 36. What is your favorite hobby? PHOTOGRAPHYYYYY 37. What is the last book you read? i. don’t. read. 38. What is the last movie you watched? fantastic beasts with my boyfriend and his best friends 39. What musical Instruments do you play, if any? I am trying to learn guitar but I have ADHD/ADD and I have a hard time self-teaching 40. What is your favorite animal? panda, red pandas, fox, raccoon, turtle, cats. 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I just started out. pls. 42. What superpower do you wish you had? I just wish I wasn’t this dumb ((I’m keeping ur answer, I’m wheezing)) 43. When and where do you feel most at peace? when I’m on the phone with my boyfriend 44. What makes you smile? my boyfriend, sims, music, photography 45. What sports do you play, if any? none 46. What is your favorite drink? monster mango loco + pacific punch 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? recently I keep a journal of notes to my boyfriend 48: Are you afraid of heights? y e s 49: What is your biggest pet peeve? misophonia, look it up 50. Have you ever been to a concert? yeah 51. Are you vegan/ vegetarian? no, I honestly don’t have the motivation or willpower to do it but when I move in with my boyfriend that’s gonna stop HDHBD 52. When you were little, what did you wanna be when you grew up? cosmetologist/ photographer 53: What fictional world would you like to live in? I can’t think of the name but the place in guardians of the galaxy 54. What is something you worry about? being alone, dying, people not liking me, embarrassing myself. 55. Are you scared of the dark? no, and yes 56. Do you like to sing? yes but I’m not good at it 57. Have you ever skipped school? I dropped out bc of it so yes 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? anywhere my boyfriend is 59. Where would you like to live? U.K. 60. Do you have any pets? 5 cats 61: Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl 62: Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunset 63. Do you know how to drive? yes but I don’t have driving license oops 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds 65. Have you ever had braces? no, but I need them 66: What is your favorite genre of music? pop punk + indie + pop + basically anything but country, folk, classic dhsjsj shit like that ion like 67: Who is your hero? I don’t think I necessarily have one? 68: Do you read comic books? yes 69: What makes you most angry? misophonia, being blamed for things I didn’t do, not being listened to, being undermined, etc things of the sort 70. Do you prefer reading a book on an electronic device or on a real book? both tbh 71. What is your favorite subject in school? art 72. Do you have any siblings? 10 73. What was the last thing you bought? I can’t remember   74. How tall are you? 5 foot 4 75. Can you cook? not exactly 76. What are three things that you love? boyfriend, music, my cats 77. What are three things you hate? anxiety, fear, abandonment 78. Do you have more male or female friends? male 79. What is your sexual orientation? homosexual but panromantic 80. Where do you currently live? united states /: 81. Who was the last person you texted? my boyfriend 82. When was the last time you cried? idk!!! 83. Who is your favorite youtuber? jacksepticeye 84. Do you like to take selfies? yes I am very insecure but also very vain ((god we are the same person)) 85. What is your favorite app? twitter 86. What is your relationship to your parent(s)?  kind of don’t like necessarily like them but I don’t hate them 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? British accents but this is biased bc of my boyfriend 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? japan 89. What is your favorite number? 14 90. Can you juggle? nope 91. Are you religious? I don’t.. know… 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space, ocean scares tf out of me ((keeping this too)) 93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? impulsive but not daredevil 94. Are you allergic to anything? freshly cut grass tbh 95. Can you curl your tongue? no 96. Can you wiggle your ears? no 97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? normally when it happens if I catch on, if I didn’t realize I was wrong I admit when it’s pointed out 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest 99. What is your favorite piece of advice anyone has given you? uh I haven’t really gotten any 100. Are you a good liar? unfortunately yes 101. What is your Hogwarts house? hufflepuff 102. Do you talk to yourself? when I’m pissed 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? yes but they’re more like love notes to my boyfriend 105. Do you believe in second chances? yes and I give more than that bc I’m weak and too nice for existence 106: If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do? …. id be lying if I said I’d turn it in right away, I would have to contemplate that 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes but only with help 108. Are you ticklish? yes 109. Have you ever been on a plane? nope, will be next year 110. Do you have any piercings? eyebrow, labret, septum, tongue, my ears are stretched, and I have more piercings planned 111. What fictional character do you wish were real? … uhhHhh I’m blanking 112. Do you have any tattoos? I have an XØ and a fiatp symbol on my left wrist 113. What is the best decision you’ve made in your life? following my boyfriend back when he followed me, to begin with 114. Do you believe in karma? yes for sure 115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses 116. Do you want children? 2-3, I’m adopting though 117. Who is the smartest person you know? my boyfriend 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I have many 119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? all the time 120. What color are most of your clothes? black or my fav colors 121. Do you like adventure? YES 122. Have you ever been on TV? nope 123. How old are you? 19!! 124. What is your favorite quote? If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies. 125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory (and spicy!!!!!!)