#also im getting so much anxiety about not knowing how to drive
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thursdayg1rl · 1 year ago
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killing myself in front of the houses of parliament to change their life tragectories forever. and then maybe they will consider trying to make life easier for people in abusive situations
#why is everything so hard to DO#just registered to vote idk if i did it right#bc i searched up my name in her emails bc my school said we need to stay on top of all of it this year#and saw one asking me to register to vote and it said reply by the 19th but obviously she didnt tell me so i might just not get to vote idk#and didnt want to sign up for a postal vote bc of course they have to post the application to you and then she would be like why are you#trying to vote who do you think you are youre not allowed to be a person outside of what i allow etc etc#so ig when the time comes itll have to be in person#and you need id for that#and of course i dont have a driving licence bc im not allowed to learn how to drive so WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO#at least i can access my passport but there could be people whose parents/spouses hide their documents..#like dp you see what i mean . everythning is a trap#also im getting so much anxiety about not knowing how to drive#bc she'll never let me learn under her roof so wtf am i supposed to do like genuinely#ill just have to go about life not knowing this basic skill#at least my brother knows how to from pakistan so he can just do the tests#i dont even KNOW#theres just so many things like that which make my skin crawl#like the fact that my bank account is linked to her phone and this address so thats a level of control she has over me like for years#and this is my address for everything official basically#and i have no idea how id even start changing it when i do leave#think the only option left is to kms maybe then ill be free
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the-paris-of-people · 5 months ago
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The past couple days online have been... interesting. I consider myself a leftist, think capitalism is corrupt, and think that it needs to be seriously reformed/overthrown. I admit that while I've thrown around phrases and terms like "burn it all down" and "the revolution needs to come" out of frustration without actually thinking about what a revolution entails: excellent organization, unity, and strategy to defeat the United States, the world's largest military superpower which has inflicted political and social destabilization across the majority of countries around the world. There also needs to be superb infrastructure and community to support the disabled, elderly, and poor populations who rely on government assistance and programs, healthcare, and accommodations while this so-called revolution rages on.
All I've received from the far leftist movement are lectures from condescending intellectuals who rattle off academic citations regarding ideological theory rather than practical, tangible steps to advocate for change in our local and regional communities. I have not seen one of them actually discuss conversations they've had with their friends, family, or Americans about what they want to see reflected for the future of the country. I have not seen one of them discussed how destructive, detrimental and traumatic a Trump presidency was for social prejudice and morale in the United States. I understand that for many marginalized groups they've been living in a facist state for centuries so the possibility Project 2025 doesn't galvanize them to see the two parties differently, but I don't think it is fair to white leftists falsely equivocate the election of both parties for the entire American population at all??? Or like at least specify the issues you're referring to in which you view both parties as the same????? Literally one TikTok creator who I used to follow talked about how true leftists are so much better than liberals because they aren't waiting for a presidential candidate to save the world NOW due to the accelerated apocalypse due to climate change but when asked how to change the world they suggest sharing ideas of your future utopia with other leftist groups. How the fuck is sitting around talking about living in a walkable community is great considered "saving the world now"? How are you going to dismantle and restructure American infrastructure to create these communities? How are you going to remove existing racial and social tensions to create a community where everyone lives happily side by side? Do people not consider reality at all?????
And is it not wrong for people to have a fucking sliver of optimism and hope at incremental change that's achieved within the corrupt bipartisan system of American politics, even if they know it's propaganda??? Is it wrong for people to have a singular fucking moment of relief in feeling like their values, beliefs, and lives will be better protected and THEY can advocate for change better??? Is it wrong when there's a couple months until the most pressing election in recent history for people to make the choice they feel will reduce the most amount of harm???
#literally i've seen some leftists post like the people in the us could never handle the torture that the us inflicts in other countries#like seriously what the actual fuck do you not think most people are struggling here and dying of preventable diseases and being subjected#to hate crimes mental health crisis systemic racism sexism etc.#why the fuck arent you actually helping your community and helping them see how foreign and domestic policy are tied instead of screaming#like so much of this virtue signaling and not being grounded in reality drives me crazy#and im fucking tired of not being allowed to feel happiness about anything unless it's morally socially perfect how the fuck are we suppose#to move the needle if we never fucking feel happy????? like what after your disorganized revolution the way your room is disorganized i can#be happy that i live in a perfect utopia?? NO! that's not how the fucking world works get a grip#i never believed in working within the system but at least other more reasonable leftists have offered tangible solutions to sway politicia#in our favor and retain a little bit of our rights#like this one woman was saying union organizers align themselves with democrats strategically not because they agree with the party but#so that democrats will count on their vote and money and in turn advocate for union rights#like i feel like a far leftist would be like omg how dare you align with the democrats!!! but like honey!!! what the fuck are we supposed t#do??? stick our fucking nose up at the current political system unless we get everything we want to move the party further to the right and#then wake up one day and realize because we were waiting for a perfect system all our fucking rights are gone?????#bffr#i know i am going to lose all of my followers for this post#grace rants#politics#donald trump#kamala harris#joe biden#jd vance#project 2025#2024 elections#also to be clear this is what i feel right now because of the delayed discussion of far-leftism and options and campaigning for candidates#if leftists actually get together and UNIFY and fucking do something i'll consider inching forward to the revolution#but screaming the system is corrupt without giving people solutions or action steps and just giving them severe anxiety is unhelpful
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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i know i need to shut up abt it esp bc i don’t know for sure if i actually got exposed to covid but like. it’s just so fucking frustrating and terrifying. not just in the case of covid but with other things too like driving. you can take every precaution to keep yourself and the people around you safe but all it takes is one selfish careless asshole who can negate that in a heartbeat and ruin your life or maybe even end it in some circumstances. lol
#purrs#ask to tag#complete and utter despair about it all. i feel like such a freak for telling everyone to be safe and be careful all the time but this world#is so fucking scary and we are so fucking helpless. how can i not cast out this desperate fucking plea. this prayer. that harm will not#befall you even if it’s something as small as a drive to the store or a trip to a new place. i just live in fear of the people i love#getting hurt all the time and of myself getting hurt. and covid is fucking scary because we still don’t fuckng know how bad it is really or#what it can do to you in the long term and there’s no way to know if you have it until you find out you have it bc this fucking nightmare#country gutted all the covid infrastructure so it’s like. it’s just really bad. im so scared. ive been so proud of myself lately bc i feel l#like even though im still not doing great ive been less miserable and anxious like a couple months ago i was having breakdowns almost daily#and i feel like ive been getting better and this just has thrown me so bad. there are other things going on too ofc so i know im reacting#really strong but like. throwback to all the asks i just answered where anons were like idk how you even function witb the amount of anxiety#you carry with you all the time and i was reading that like but not anymore! and it turns out… no it’s still there. it just was summer and#i interacted with fewer people and went almost nowhere. and now the semester is starting again and everything is changing and it’s just. bad#also addendum to the first part of my tags: i wish i was brave enough to ask ppl to like. text me when they get to their destination safe or#whatever. i almost never think of it bc it just seems like such a forward boundary crossing thing to do + it was a bad habit from when my#separation anxiety was MUCH worse as a kid. but like… i want o do it and sometimes i need to but i repress it so hard. lawl#also to say i love you sometimes. some ppl it’s really easy and we do it all the time. others i can’t bc it crosses boundaries and it#physically hurts not to. lolll
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learn-and-accept · 1 year ago
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I so badly want to have more people in my life, but holy shit I'm so fucking bad at building relationships
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marrycv · 7 months ago
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Muse
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rockstar!ellie x reader
warnings : SMUT!!, no to consentement (happened with a men ellie saved us), alcohol, ✂️✂️✂️, swearing, age gab? (ellie be like 2-3 years older), thigh riding (r ! receiving), fingering (r ! receiving)
idk if thats all but i worked hard on this one 😜
enjoy!!
“Cmonnnnn we’re gonna be late!!”
“not my fault you took 2 hours in the shower?”
you and your bestfriend were getting ready for that little concert that was in your city. it was so rare you had finally something fun to do, and the best part of it, is that your favourite band was gonna be there. you were so excited to go there, but your bestfriend was just making you nervous, in the worst way ever.
you had a denim mini skirt with a lace crop top in black with some leather jacket, classic ‘rockstar girlfriend’ outfit if you’d search it on pinterest. but, it was a rock show anyways, so you were fitting in that vibe.
you had a little smug eyeliner with some star glitter around your eyes. your best friend has some too. exited by the fact that you two were matching like some 13 years old teenagers.
“okay, im ready”
“about time!! now come on, i dont wanna arrive while its crowded, wanna have the best view” she tells you while bringing you outside towards her car
“girl did you know my fav band are gonna be here??”
“ugh omg you said it at least one thousand times…” she sighs
“okay okay, will you be less annoyed when i tell you they look like this :” you said as you showed her the guitarists and the singer. they were 3 and your age. absolutely gorgeous people.
“YOOOOOOOOO!!!” Layla said, looking at the picture of the three bend’s members.
“rightttt?!!!”
“okay but look at the men?”
“his name is Jesse, one of the guitarist. currently dating the other guitarist” you informed her, for only her smile dropping at the deception.
“look, thats the singer” you continue “her name’s Ellie, and shes SO fucking hot, and shes gay”
“lesbian?” she asks you while she starts driving towards the location for tonight.
“yeah, literally everyone who listen to their music is because all the fans envy her. i dont blame them tho”
“what about the other guitarist?” she asks you, now interested in them
“Its Dina, Ellie’s ex”
“WHAAAAAT ??? nowayyyy”
you two laugh at the drama you shared to layla. it was funny gossiping and her finally showing some interest in what you liked.
-
arrived there, it was already crowded. nobody was on stage yet, but it was definitely bigger than you expected.
you friend touched your shoulder, knowing how much noisy places made you so uncomfortable.
“what aboouuuuuut we get VIP tickets for a quieter place mhh?”
“Layla? its too expensive i cant afford that, ill just- support it” you tell her, looking at your phone trying to distract yourself
“too late babe i bought us some” she says, looking at you with the biggest smile. eyes disappearing and teeth showing. She was your sunshine.
“whaaat? you shouldn’t have- im gonna repay you when i can okay?”
“nuh huh, its our night and my gift, okay?”
you nod and smile, worries erased by her gentle smile.
it was true, it was you guy’s night, and no anxiety would take that away.
In the VIP room, there was mostly middled aged men with some really young, but beautiful girls in their company. all already wasted. from here, you could be so close to the stage you thought if the artists would be close enough, you could touch them. you also had access to the backstage, which was an insane opportunity.
some normal people, like your age hanging out with people their age were also in the VIP. it was less awkward with all of those creepy men probably were ‘sugar daddies’
“im gonna grab us a drink ill be back, yeah?” layla whisper-screams in your ears then vanishes to the bar.
you look around you, analyzing the people. then get on your phone, just to seem lees alone.
“Hey you gorgeous lady, would you mind some company?” a raspy voice said
you look towards the voice and see a men, probably 25 years old, but obviously drunk and maybe also high.
“i already have company, but thanks” you said, gently, not wanting anything to happen.
“oh, but i dont see anyone babygirl…” he said as he leaned closer to you while you backed off a little.
his eyes widen, completely surprised by your non interested move.
“im not gonna bite youuu, only if you ask me to” he says and winks at you while touching your arm, going closer and closer to your breast.
“um.. no thanks..” you said, trying to get away, searching around for layla’s figure somewhere around…
“why are you so fucking rude? huh? cant even be happy someone wants to be with you mh? ‘lil slut..” he said as his grip on your arm was tightening, probably gonna leave a mark after.
“please-“ you started but got cut by someone else, behind you two
“she said no man”
the men looks behind him, feeling his grip on your arm going insanely tight. you hiss by the pain.
“she’s with me” he answers to the girl you yet didn’t dare to look at, feeling embarrassed by this whole situation
“are you with this man, miss?” the girl asked you.
her tone completely shifting from raspy, loud and angry to sweet and gentle. making you look up from the ground to see the Ellie Williams defending you. you answer her a small ‘no’. scared if you talked louder the men would take away your arm at this point. or scared you’d cry from anger. the tight feeling you felt in your throat was cutting your voice to get through, if the knot would get destroyed, you’d probably sob right here, but it would only get tighter, feeling like it was taking the oxygen away from your lungs. feeling like it was choking you so it couldn’t pass anymore. would only make your heart beat slower due to the little air you were able to breathe. but you felt like it was beating faster, like you just ran kilometers and stopped suddenly. making your body react in a bad way in the sudden change.
but that was only a feeling.
you just looked, away.
you could hear Ellie yell at the men until his grip on you left to only see his arm swing towards ellie’s face. only that she dodged his punch smoothly. almost satisfying to watch her doing it like she was the finest fighter in the world.
but the slowmo and the muffled voices stopped and when Ellie punched him. Everything was too loud and too clear.
blood getting out of the man’s mouth. attacking Ellie back. everyone screaming and getting away from the fight, creating a non purpose circle.
suddenly it wasn’t a rock show, but a fight show.
Once Ellie completely knocked out the men, him completely passed out on the ground, blood all over his face. she went towards you
“You okay?” she asked, gently as she didnt even just fought with someone like she was gonna kill him.
you simply nodded to her, shocked by this whole situation, never wanting it to end up this way.
“come with me, yeah? ill get you some water and… clean you up” she said looking at your cheek, having some blood on it.
you just followed her into her lodge. it was quiet and cozy.
nobody was in there, but you were kinda nervous about the fact that you were literally with a celebrity.
“sit down” she obeyed.
you sat on the closest chair you saw, following her orders like a dog, still under shock.
ellie took a glass and poured water in it, placed it on the table next to you, then took a small towel and again, put water on it. she came real close to you, her head titled on the side a little bit, her fingers took your chin and made your head move a little bit on the side. she took the towel and took the blood away from your cheek. probably the men’s blood. ellie didn’t have one single scratch. only her knuckles were brushed.
you watched her taking care of you like a little kitten she had found on the road and just, felt bad for it.
her eyes were concentrated on what she was doing, her fingers touching you so gentle, so softly. her bottom lip between her teeth due to the concentration. she might looked so rough earlier, but here? she was the softest person you’ve ever laid eyes on.
“here..” she said as she stopped what she was doing. she sat next to you, with concerned eyes. she suddenly cared so much about you.
“thanks” you whispered, looking down to the glass of water in front of you.
“dont thank me, this guy was an asshole. are you hurt?” she asked looking at your arm, knowing he was holding it.
“if i were you id worry more about your hands” you said looking at them, all bloody and swallowed.
“its okay, dont worry about me…” She said getting up to grab some ice for your arm
“no, take it.” you said, putting it on her fingers trying to ease her pain from defending you.
the room went silent, a comfortable silence. the ones where you didnt rush do say anything or where you werent overthinking to find a subject to talk about.
Ellie on the other hand, was going insane. You were so pretty and you had a pin on your purse about their bands which meant that you were a fan. which meant you knew about her and listened to her music. the silence was driving her insane. she’d just wish she was a normal person who weren’t screaming for her name out there. screaming for her and the fact that they all wanted her. like she was theirs. but she didn’t want that. she wanted to be yours, and it wasn’t gonna be easy. she thought you were scared by her, she thought you saw her completely different now, that you’d stop listening about her being so so toxic with girls with the best beat dina and jesse could ever put to make everyone forget about how of an asshole she was.
about how the girl was hers but she wasnt the theirs. about how she just fucked the girl cause she was bored.
but now, you could saw her as a crazy girl that punches someone almost to death. someone dangerous.
you were just too pretty for this man, for this treatment. she would have done this for anyone, but taking care of them after? nahhh she wouldve just walked away.
“whats your name..?” Ellie asked, looking dead up in your eyes like she wasn’t going crazy on overthinking.
“my name’s ______” you tell her.
“im uh, im Ell-“
“Ellie Williams, yeah i know”
“of course you do..” she sighed at herself.
“fuck- i uh my friend… she’s gonna be dead worried!! fuck fuck” you say, completely on panic mode
“hey, hey, hey, its okay, just send her a message to let her know youre all good, im not letting you out there again, something worse could happen to you.” she says, in a stern tone.
“you worried about me Williams?” you ask her, calmed but surprised by her reaction, slightly titling your head a little bit. the small amount of alcohol in your system making you bolder than you ever could.
“believe it or not sweetheart, i care about my fans”
something in what you said activated Ellie’s dangerous side. she was gonna torture you and never let you go.
“dont you have a show you have to do? for the caring of your fans?”
“i believe they can wait a little bit, dont you think?” she smirked at you.
that goddamn smirk she’d have in those pinterest pictures of her if you searched up her name on the search bar. that smirk when she was on live and someone would tell how much they loved her. or when her fans would ask her to sign on their boobs.
that smirk.
“how disappointed i would be if i was one of those, knowing you were just sitting in here with someone you didnt even knew”
“mhhh i wouldnt care less doll”
you blushed at the nickname, you’d cringe if someone else would’ve called you like that, but the way she said made your panties grow a little wet spot faster than you thought your body could.
you shifted a little bit in your chair, uncomfortable by how sweaty you’ve just became.
“dont you think its hot.. in here?” you said, praying for her to not notice it was because of how much your heart was pumping, making you red everywhere.
“follow me” Ellie said, getting up and walking in another room. you were almost too shaking to even walk but you managed to make your way to ellie. she was in a small bedroom. how could you know lodges had bedrooms? no idea.
“we have those bedrooms if someone from the bend is tired or dont feel good, very useful. i think it was Beyoncé that asked that”
“you know beyoncé???” you asked completely amazed
“uhhh, no. im a small artist, not a pop star” she laughed and made herself comfortable on the bed.
you sat next to her, but shy enough to keep your distance away from her a little.
Ellie just grabbed a guitar that was hanging on the wall and started to play a little melody. her fingers stroking the strings so perfectly, making them some beautiful note and then you recognized the song. she was signing one of hers.
its like you were in a dream, the room was so dark but there was lights everywhere, hanging like a teenage room. making able to see everything with the most perfect lighting, you were able to see the intense shadows from ellie’s perfect muscles. aligned how it was made, like god modelled them himself with his own hands. the way she was just there looking at where her fingers were at to know what note to play next. her foot tapping around with the beat. her hair being lighten by the small yellow lights, making her auburn hair look way more softer than usual.
you couldn’t contain yourself at the sight.
“wanna try?” Ellie asked, handing you the guitar with smile on her lips… her perfect lips- ok stop this madness.
“i- i dont know how to play”
“ill teach you- here, put it on your legs…” she then got closer and took your hands to place them to make a chord. “and here is the chord C major” she smiled at you. “easy right?”
“sure, if i dont count the fact that my fingers are about to explose”
she looked at you and laughed, you did the same. you felt now so comfortable with her.
“alright..” she said,
“get in my lap imma teach you some other stuff.”
“huh?”
“the guitar, you trust me?”
she said, clarifying your dirty mind.
“uh yeah, i do” you said then sat in front of her, between her legs. she wrapped her arms around you and guided your fingers, showing you the chords. one by one.
her fingers felt sooo good on your skin, you were just wondering how good they felt inside of you.
you knew that what you were feeling was wrong, that you two just met but you couldn’t help to press your ass to her crutch. Ellie’s words stuttered, and so did yours. every words were slower and her mouvements were more sensual, if you werent delusional.
the tension just kept growing and only one more move and it could be done for the both of you.
she pressed her head in your shoulder. still teaching you. a hand on yours- guiding you and another on your hip… and she just made you get closer to her, as you could even get closer. you were trying to not moan at this point. what she was doing, ‘teaching’ you guitar and making your heart skip a beat, pretending like nothing else was happening, like it was just all in your imagination. but the feeling was so strong, so strong.
you felt her lips stroking against the skin of your neck while she was whispering you the instructions of the next chords.
crazy how an hour ago you were with your bestfriend, being exited about just seeing ellie live, and here you were, she was literally teaching you how to play guitar with hers. this felt all like it was some kind of prank, too good to be true, but you were just there to enjoy yourself at 100%.
Ellie’s hand on your hip was now playing around on your thigh, she’d tell you how good you were doing. she then moved her hand, painfully slow in your inner thigh. your breathing was speeding up like she was already in you…
she has just touch you so little.
you craved her so much.
you let her get higher, she stoked her fingers on your clothed cunt, could feel the wet spot on your panties that was growing since you got into her lodge.
“is this okay?” she asked you. scared she was taking everything too far, but you just pushed her hand closer to where you needed her the most.
Ellie took the guitar away from the both of you and turned you over so she could see your face.
your legs wrapped around her waist and now both of her hands were on your hips.
the atmosphere completely changed. it was romantic and comfortable 2 seconds ago, and now its so much more intense, the room feels hotter and your nervousness is on the top of your head controlling you to stay still.
“ellie…” you whined.
that made ellie so much more bold. her hands moved up from your hips to your cheeks, not forgetting to touch every part of your skin that was on the way. it wasn’t too slow and either too fast, just enough to realize she was getting closer and closer while her eyes switched on your eyes to your lips. you leaned in, like she was a magnet, pulling you towards her. her lips on yours felt the most right thing you’ve ever felt. they were so soft, so warm, so so tender against your lips. the kiss turned into a make out soon enough like it was a relief from all the tension that had built. her tongue dancing against yours, feeling this feeling of euphoria in your whole body, only catching yourself needed more and more.
unconsciously, your hips were rocking against any pressure you could find. ellie stopped her kisses to only replace them on your neck. you tilt your head to give her more access. you had no idea what you were doing, its like your body went into full control and your mind was just beyond the clouds, seeing the stars when her knee pressed against your clothed cunt. a moan and a a relief sigh escaped your lips.
all was happening so fast and ellie was taking your shirt off, as you were doing the same to her, like in those romantic movies when the two characters find eachothers and they get heated in the moment. like there wasn’t time, like you were late to somewhere.
ellie’s fingers found their way, once again on your clit.
“you mind if i take this off?” she asked, with a smirk, but you could see her cheeks blushing, her breath being fast… her hands shaking.
you nodded, way too speechless of the goddess in front of you
“words, i need words baby”
“take it off” you saw, looking at your legs that were still wrapped around ellie’s waist.
ellie layed you down on the bed, now on top of you, looking at you up and down, analyzing your body. she gently touched the hem of your skirt to take it off. you lifted your hips up to help her. her mouvement were painfully slow, as she was trying to make this sooo memorable.
your panties along with your hips were now on the floor of the room. laying with only your bra left.
ellie’s lips returned to yours, while you could feel her hands getting closer to where you needed her the most.
“ellie..?”
“yes, yes? what’s wrong?” she asked, genuine
“i uh.. can i ride on you?” you asked her, closing your eyes to try and hide yourself from the immense embarrassment you felt, but before you knew it, ellie stood up, you looked at her, clearly confused about what she was doing
to your surprise, she only stripped herself, finding her now completely naked. you could see her abs.. her biceps.. the ‘v’ kind of shape she had on her lower stomach.. her small, yet perfect boobs, only finding your mouth watering at the sight- and not only your mouth but your pussy was drenched too.
“are you gonna stop staring at me?” ellie asked as she climbed on top of you, kissing you- again
maybe she felt magnified to you too? just like you felt so attracted to her
you were winning in anticipation and excitement
naturally, her leg intertwined with one of yours so both of your clits were pressing against eachothers.
feeling her like that against you was heaven. grinding yourself against her was beyond beautiful. the scene was so pornographic that i’d create a new sin in the bible.
“els! im so.. close… fuck!!”
“me too, fuck.. together yeah?”
and just like that she gave a couple more trusts against you and you did the same, as your mouvements were synchronized, as if it was destiny to find her and make love with the love of your life.
you saw and felt fireworks, a big release escaped as you were almost screaming by pleasure. and ellie was just, amazed by your fucked expression she could cum again over and over by just being on top of you, looking at you this beautiful. she couldnt stop.
“els! please!” you said as you felt overstimulated by your previous orgasm.
“please give me another one, please.” ellie was begging at this point. as she needed it more than you, as she felt it in her.
she could go on and on, and you would let her abuse your cunt for the rest of your life if it felt like that.
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reidmania · 5 months ago
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hi!! i saw you taking request so here is an idea :)
fem!reader and spencer in an established relationship and they really love each other but they get into a fight. they both say things they dont mean so reader rushes out and while driving away she feels sorry and calls spencer but it goes to voicemail. she starts to send him one saying how sorry she is and that she loves him but is cut off with a loud crash. spencer gets the voicemail and hears about her car accident and rushes to hospital, you can end it however you want hahah. im sorry if this is too much but i feel like you are the only one who can do justice to this <33
guilt ridden | spencer reid
summary ; reader and spencer get into a silly argument that ends in hospital trips and a lot of apologises.
warnings; fem reader, established relationships, arguments, cm things, car accidents and hospitals, arguments, spencer being an ass and reader also being an ass which is all forgotten when things get serious, kinda rushed. angst, happish ending, hurt x comfort kindaish.
an; im sorry this took me so long and im sorry if its horrible. i really just wanted to get this one out of the way bc i rlly enjoyed the idea!!
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“I’m sorry, I’ll be back in the morning at some point so I don’t want you to worry and I know you will probably be pissed right now and that okay— You should be. I am too, but I am sorry. I didn’t mean it — I shouldn’t have said it but it was just, in the moment I wasn’t thinking.. Im sorry Spence. I love—”
There was the sound of a gasp, then a bang and then it was silent for a minute until the voice message ended itself. The sound sent goosebumps along Spencer’s arms and sweat to build up over the back of his neck as anxiety made its bed in his stomach.
His entire body went cold as he stood in the kitchen — The same place he had been standing when the stupid argument took place before you grabbed your keys and walked out, muttering how if he was that sick of you, you’d get out of his way before the door slammed behind you.
He had thought about following you and telling you to stay but in the moment he was just angry. So angry. Not even entirely at you, just everything.
He had just gotten home from a case after being away for a week — a case where they couldn’t save the victims. It was one that affected Spencer more than he wanted to admit, all he wanted was to come home and shower.
Then he got home and you immediately hugged him and rambled on about how you missed him and normally — any other time he would adore the feeling of your arms around him, he would breathe in your scent and breath it back out before going on about the case.
This time was different, everything was too much. The grasp of your arms made his body tense rather than relax, your scent was suffocating mixed with the smell of the food on the stove and the candle lit in the living room. It was all just too much.
Not because it was you, there was nothing wrong with you. It was just the day built up, and it was too much for him.
So he pushed you away and began his way to the bedroom wordlessly, where he showered, and eventually came back a little more relaxed — only now you were the one in the bad mood.
Which ended in an argument between the two of you, you called him childish and immature, he called you suffocating and needy.
Neither of you meant it.
But that didn’t stop the hurt that seeped in and the tension that grew between the two of you. Until you were shaking your head telling him to go fuck himself, grabbing your keys and walking towards the front door.
Spencer regretted his words almost immediately when the door slammed shut and didn’t open again. He didn’t mean it but he couldn’t bring himself to follow you yet — he needed to calm down and he was sure you did as well.
He didn’t ignore your call, not on purpose. He was unpacking his stuff when his phone rang from where he had left it in the kitchen. Finding it ten minutes later to hear the voice mail you left, well he had never felt a more intense ache in his chest.
Something was wrong, seriously wrong. He tried calling again and again to no avail as the call went straight to voicemail every-time. He texted you as well.
He was in his car moments later, driving to the nearest hospital because if you were anywhere — it would be there. He heard the ambulance sirens on the way and they did nothing but build the tension in between his muscle and bones.
It wasn’t until an hour later of waiting and pacing around in the hospital waiting room that someone came to tell him that you were here — stable, but in a lot of pain.
He had never felt something like this. Every bit of his mind went blank as walked fast towards the room the nurse had directed him to. His knees felt like jelly and he felt sick to his stomach.
That sick didn’t compare to the one he felt when he saw you lying in the hospital bed, fading in and out of consciousness, a doctor by your side. You were bruised and bloodied and Spencer didn’t think he could stand for another minute as his legs carried him towards the chair next to your bed.
“Honey.” His voice came out a gasp.
But all the same concerned and guilty. Your head turned slightly towards the sound of his voice and he was almost sure his heart broke at the sound of pain that left your lips when moving.
“Spence” You were hardly audible, voice small and so quiet, full of hurt. Genuine pain, you were in genuine pain that you wouldn’t have been in if Spencer had just pulled his head in and didn’t act like an absolute idiot.
It was hard to think about the argument now, how it felt like everything at the time and nothing now. His hand reached out for yours as he tried to ignore the tears that burned in the back of his eyes.
“Im so sorry” He mumbled out. It didn’t even begin to describe the amount of guilt he felt burnt into his stomach, and every inch of his body. He felt sick to his stomach and was almost sure he was going to throw up. “Im so sorry- God Im sorry” He couldn’t help the series of apologies that streamed from his lips, still they didn’t even slightly cover the blame he took in his mind.
“Spence” You said again, almost as if you were unable to say or think about anything else. Despite the pain medication that you had been given — everything hurt.
“Im right here— Im right here.” He repeated, moving the chair in closer, he saw a soft sigh leave your lips despite it being so quiet he couldn’t hear it. He saw your eyes closed and for a moment he genuinely felt his heart break and drop, until they opened again.
You squeeze his hand slightly, it was soft and gentle, all the energy you could muster up put into doing so. “I know. Im sorry” You apologised and it hurt Spencer.
It genuinely made him feel pain in his stomach that you were lying in a hospital bed in an abundance of pain and yet — apologising to him for an argument that seemed so insignificant now.
“Don’t.” Spencer shook his head.
“Don’t apologise, I was an ass— I deserved it. you- You didn’t deserve this. God please don’t apologise.” He almost begged.
The words died on your tongue. Whatever you were going to say now a second thought as you realised Spencer was going to drive himself insane with the guilt and blame of this.
“Its not your fault.” You huffed out.
It was enough to sooth a small part of Spencer’s mind, your voice outweighing the one in his head that held him responsible. Your comfort the one he needed. His hand squeezed yours back.
“I love you — So much. You aren’t suffocating or needy in the slightest.” He felt the need to let you know. God if something happened to you and the last thing you’d heard him say was that he thought you were something— anything other than the most important person in his life and the one who he turned to for everything, the one person he truly loved and adored
Well he would never forgive himself
“I love you” You muttered back weekly, shuffling over on the hospital bed despite the pain that coursed through your body in doing so you made room for him. “Lay with me?” You asked.
He huffed something out before shaking his head, standing up and lowering himself onto the hospital bed. He was careful of your injuries and any pain you may be in as he wrapped his arms around you.
“I love you” He repeated as he placed a soft kiss on the corner of your shoulder. It made a sigh leave your lips, before turning your head to face him.
“I love you.”
533 notes · View notes
xeeljii · 4 months ago
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IM YR DOG
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I am here to be yours I don't want you to hurt
WARNING! Explicit RPF! 
Summary: Joost hasn’t been in a real relationship in a long while and when his first anniversary with you rolls around he fucks up royally. 
Word count: 7,4k
CW: 18+, f! reader, no pronouns used for reader, angst but happy ending, established relationship, make up sex, premature ejaculation is romantic lol, multiple orgasms, shower sex.
IMPORTANT A/N! I usually write with an older/current age Joost in mind but this one feels more early 20s type so just keep that in mind. 
Joost was finishing up his album, it was chaos and you had almost not seen each other in the week, texting sparingly and only ever feeling his presence when you got back from work and saw more of his clothes had disappeared and new ones appeared in the hamper, it was a storm brewing with both of you blissfully unaware. He hadn’t been sleeping much or at all, totally engrossed in his work, he gives you shit about your dedication to yours but he is the real workaholic, once he gets an idea can't stop until it is finished, even forgetting to eat or what day it is. Speaking of days, today was Saturday, also your anniversary. He had a reservation for a table at your favorite restaurant, had already planned every step of the day and the evening months ahead, like it was the world cup final and yet today of all days he didn’t text you at all. You assume that he must be in the studio finishing up something, and you would just meet up at the restaurant at six like you had planned. 
However his brain was completely fried, overworked to exhaustion, the blinds of the studio pulled down to concentrate and phone thrown around somewhere in silence because he just NEEDED to get this las song done. He doesn’t know when the last time he had a proper meal was or what time of the day it was but when he finishes the song that had been driving him crazy for three days straight he feels he can final breath in relief. The tension in the studio had been palpable for a few days now but when he yells “Done!” triumphantly everyone feels at ease again.
“I think I need a drink or a few.” Someone suggests and everyone follows with jovial moods. 
Joost is so tired but just wants to let loose for what feels like the first time in forever. The group ends up at someone’s house, alcohol starts being poured and the music is loud enough to deafen, someone’s neighbors will complain surely but right now as Joost sits on the couch finally able to not think about the album anymore he couldn’t care less. He just relaxes, drinks and smokes like it is his last night on earth and laughs with his friends until his stomach hurts.  
You on the other side are sitting alone in a fancy restaurant table. You stay there far longer than you should, you text him and try to call him insistently but no luck. Did he get in accident? After an hour you start getting scared and desperate but don’t want to move in case he actually comes. You are a beautiful statue of nerves and anxiety glued to the table dumbly waiting for someone who isn’t coming. By the second hour you check your phone again, no reply but then you open instagram and see someone had posted a picture with his recognizable figure on the background, on closer inspection you can see cans of beer thrown around and bottles of liquor decorating every corner of the place. You feel as if a cold bucket of water has been dropped on your head. Your palms start sweating, you are holding onto the phone painfully thigh, you feel like everyone is watching you, like every couple in the restaurant is judging you and feeling pity for how stupid you are. You can’t stand it anymore and you stand from the table as gracefully as you can, feeling cold anger burn inside you, you pay for your drinks and get a taxi home. You are silently fuming and can’t stop the angry tears from falling from your eyes that you are wiping away furiously with your trembling hands.
Right after you enter your shared apartment and kick off your shoes you hear the door open again, there are heavy steps almost stumbling up to the living room before he sees you.
“Hi liefde.” He is smiling so widely, oblivious to your inner turmoil and just happy to see you in what has been way too long, he tries walking up to you but you move out of his way quickly.
You notice the stumble on his step and the smell reaches you, he is completely wasted. He tries to get his balance again resting his elbow on the kitchen counter and looking up at you. He wolf whistles or does his best attempt at it in the state he is in.
“You look so are pretty schat, did you have dinner with your friends?” His eyes are unfocused and half lidded it all makes to enrage you even more.
“I don’t know Joost, did you have drinks with yours?” You say venom dripping from every word and if he wasn't so intoxicated maybe he would notice, but instead he replies happily. 
“Yeah! We finished the album!” He tries to grab hold of you and pull you into a hug but again you avoid him, shaking the grab of his hand from your wrist.
“You reek.” You say walking away from him to get a glass of water.
He is a little confused now but he has missed you so much he just wants a little kiss. “Yeah sorry.” he smiles sheepishly rubbing a hand through his messy hair but you don’t even look up, your back facing him. 
“Liefde~” he purrs, his arms reach at your hips from behind, he pulls himself closer, wraps his strong arms around your middle and rest his head against the top of yours. “I missed you baby.” You don’t reply, don’t move at all, it is like you are barely breathing.
His brain is trying to catch up with what is happening, you would usually do something to hold him back, rest your hands against his or at least hum in acknowledgment if you are busy, but now in his arms it feels like he is holding at a cold marble statue. He is starting to panic a little, trying to remember something he did wrong and coming on empty handed. He waits a long moment before opening his mouth again.
“Wait did I forget to empty the dishwasher?” He asks timidly.
Unbelievable, he doesn’t even know it, doesn’t even remember, you had spent hours getting ready for a guy who stood you up to go drinking and doesn’t even know. You feel so stupid, in a second start second guessing every moment of your relationship, every tender word, every decision that got you to this place.
“I don’t know Joost, if it is so unimportant then maybe it isn’t worth your worry.” You reply almost in a whisper, your voice cracks in the last part.
You are angry but even more you are sad, you feel dumb and out of place in his life, all the little insecurities you had been carrying around come back with a vengeance to kick you when you are down. You doubt of the place you even have in his heart, the embrace of his arms feels fake rather than welcoming and you just push him away to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling.
You feel tears start to form at your waterline again, your heart feels heavy and you can barely breath in. You start to walk away. 
When he fells you step away from his arms a cold fear goes straight up his spine. “Baby…” He calls out, panic clear in his tone.
You turn on your feet, defeated faced covered in tears. “It was our anniversary” You say, looking at him.
He looks paralyzed for a second and then you see the exact moment the words make sense in his head. “I didn’t-I forgot- we were gonna go to that place - oh fuck liefde.” He is stumbling all over his words, he makes a move to reach you but you lash out again, he has no right to be acting like this when he was the on that left you all alone.
“I was alone in that restaurant for hours! I kept texting and calling you like an idiot thinking you would show up thinking oh he wouldn’t forget me here, right? Everyone was looking at me like I am dumb and maybe I fucking am because why am I even with someone who can’t be bother to show up and instead goes get fucking wasted on OUR ANNIVERSARY!” Your throat feels raw with every word, you are screaming on his face, the anger and sadness boil into something vicious you want to hurt him, want to make him feel the same way you felt, it is an awful thing that you can’t stop.
“I am sorry liefde, please.”
You can’t stand to see his face right now, turn around and start walking to the bedroom. You want to get undressed quickly, get out of the stupid clothes he bought you and the stupid lingerie you had bought to match them, you wanted to surprise him but he ended up being the one to surprise you in the worst way possible. You feel so pathetic and small it is making you start to itch.
“Baby please look at me.” He keeps walking quickly behind you, doesn’t know what to say or what to do that will make you feel better “I will make it up to you, I promise.” He grabs at your wrist but you quickly pull away again almost painfully. 
“Oh you promise? Well we have both have seen how much you care about your promises.” Your sarcastic tone cuts right through his heart. He looks hurt by that. 
He is not used to anniversaries or birthdays or really keeping track of the year on events, he goes with the flow of things and that is exactly what you like about him but now it feels like he just doesn’t care about you and that thought is scary, it makes you feel completely unimportant like the old kettle on his kitchen or the forgotten old clothes at the back of the closet, it makes you mean.
“Schat, please, let's talk.” Every pet name feels like another slap.
It is your first anniversary together, he had been so excited, he wanted to make you happy and yet here you were angry and hurt all because of him, he didn’t want you to remember your first like this and all of a sudden he worries this would be the only anniversary he would get with you.
“Shut the fuck up! I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you right now. Go sleep on the couch or get out and go drinking I don’t give a fuck, just leave me alone!”  You walk quickly into your shared room that right now feels like prison and close the door with a loud bang after you. 
The shared apartment that is usually filled with music and laughter is now in complete silence, it feels cold and empty, the air is thick with tension and the only sounds are of the clock on the wall that you had bought and the dripping from the faucet on the kitchen that he had forgotten to fix. He stands in the middle of the living room unable to move, he wants to cry, wants to scream, wants to beat himself up for being so useless, wants to crawl on hands and knees and plead with you, but above all else he feels so guilty. He can’t get the image of your sad face from out of his head and this time it is all his fault. He never wants to hurt you, only wants to be the cause of your happiness. Maybe he really is not made to be in a relationship like some people had warned him, maybe even worse he doesn’t deserve it.
Inside the room you undress quickly and throw everything into the hamper. You change into your pajamas, usually you like to wear his clothes to sleep, his familiar smell makes you more relaxed but now you can’t deal with it. You throw yourself on the shared bed and cry silently against the pillows, they smell just like him it only adds fuel to the fire. You can’t stop yourself you feel the world crumbling around you and there is no exit, no one that will come save you and the only person who would you don’t even know if you matter to him at all.
After what feels like hours you must have become exhausted from your own crying and fallen into deep slumber. 
You wake up in the early hours of the morning, your throat feels painfully dry, your head hurts, your eyes feel heavy but now you are too tired to cry anymore. You feel something at the end of the bed, you raise on your elbow and look down, there he is, the bastard, at the foot of your bed like a kicked puppy. He must have wormed his way in the room at some point during the night while you slept and fallen sleep still on his clothes. He looks so pale, you realize there are deep dark circles under his eyes and it pains your heart even in the middle of all this fighting. He has one cold hand holding lightly at your calf under the covers, so pathetic. You want to kick him, watch him tumble from the bed, but still he is your bastard, no? 
You are still angry and you have no intentions of playing nice after what he just pulled on you, you hit him lightly with your foot and then harder when he doesn’t wake up. Finally groggily and confused he raises his head and immediately looks for your face in the dark of the early morning.
“I told you I wanted to sleep alone.” You say with a cold tone.
“Sorry, I missed you.” He says sniffling softly and rubbing at his eyes, you can tell from how red they are that he had been crying too.  “Can we talk please?” He says now sitting on the edge of the bed. 
“I don’t know. Are you still drunk?” You throw back harsh words at him, he regrets it, really does, he truly forgot, not that it makes it okay but the thought of you sitting waiting for him all alone in a restaurant for hours breaks his heart.
“I am really very sorry.” You don't reply and just cross your arms over your chest. “I totally forgot and I know it is not an excuse, we just finished the new song and we wanted to celebrate, it slipped my mind then I lost track of time, I had no idea it was already Saturday.” He looks up at you expectantly. 
“Well I’m happy you had fun!” It comes with more bite than perhaps you want it but still there is tension bubbling inside you. 
“Liefde…” He sounds pleading. 
You bite at your lip before speaking to keep in a pathetic little sound, you don’t want to start crying again so you swallow down harshly. “You really hurt me Joost.”
You hate saying those words, you hate the way his face breaks at them, but it is the truth and that hurts the most.
He starts crawling up the bed softly, slowly like a scared animal, as if you were going to push him away again. “I know, and I cannot apologize enough.” He still has his hand on your calf rubbing slow circles on your skin more to calm himself down than anything, you liked his little habit of fidgeting with his hands when he was nervous but now it is a painful reminder of everything that has happened. “I know I can’t make up for it right now but I really do love you, I love you so much and I am so sorry for hurting you I never wanted-“ his voice cracks, tears had started falling from his deep blue eyes at some point his voice sounds wet and strained, he sniffles trying to compose himself. “I really love you, I don't want to lose you”.
Your eyebrows knit in worry, you hate that he even thought that he would. “You won’t.”
You grab at his hand in your leg, and stroke lightly over it, you are gonna be okay, maybe not right now, maybe it will take some time to rebuild but it is okay, you are gonna give yourself and him the chance, it is going to be okay in the end or it is not the end. 
He allows himself to cry at that, unhurriedly like he can finally breath again. He goes to place a kiss on your knee, looks up through wet eyelashes, you pull at him to sit up, he follows easily and when you pull your hand away he wants to chase it but doesn’t want to try his luck too much. You lay softly against the pillows before you open you arms motioning for him to come over, he does so quick that he almost crushes into you, whispering little I’m sorries against the crook of your neck, kissing softly at the warm skin so his love can reach you. You let him, you feel his soft sniffles against your skin, his cheeks, his whole face, is wet with tears, you run your fingers through soft strands of golden hair, you have cried enough for today and it feels the first time you can truly breath easy. With him in your arms you feel at peace again. You let him cry as he wishes and just caress his back through it until he calms down. 
After a long while you think he might have fallen asleep on you but then he speaks up almost in a whisper. “I really do love you so much.”
You pull at his shirt gently so he will meet your eyes “I love you too Joost, always” You kiss him softly it taste salty but comforting, it taste like him, like home. 
You continue to kiss softly like you are kissing for the first time again, it feels good and soothing to your heart, he kisses you like he wants to melt into you, you know he loves you as you do. You still want to tease him a bit though, so you pull back and whisper an inch against his lips. 
“You know I bought a new lingerie set.” He perks up immediately, you shake your head, “Already took it off, since my boyfriend stood me up and all that.” You scrunch your nose for emphasis, he immediately pouts he can’t belive on what he is missing for his own mistakes. 
“Liefde-” He starts to whine, you pinch at his cheeks.
“I was really looking forward to tonight.” You pout at him, he gets the hint immediately so in tune with you sometimes words are not needed.
“Can I at least make this up to you now?” He says big blue yes staring at you pleading while his hand goes to play with the band of your pajama shorts. 
“Make it worth my while” You smile at him. 
He crawls slowly over your body gently to not put any weight on you. You look up at him, eyes still a little heavy with sleep, a little red from crying, it makes his heart hurt uncomfortably in his chest. He goes to kiss at the high of your cheeks gently placing soft little pecks on your eyes on the tip of your nose until he finally reaches your lips. His first kiss is chaste a little nervous but you open your mouth for him so he starts moving more insistently, kissing you back, he pushes his tongue past your teeth caressing softly at the inside of your mouth. Your hands find the back of his neck and grab instinctively pulling him closer, his hands roam slowly down your body until he reaches the hem of your camisole, you nod against his kiss so he pulls it off you in quick motion before returning to your lips. He kisses along your jaw, leaves an open mouthed trail of kisses down to your neck, feels the lingering scent of your perfume, the one he got you while traveling, he licks at the column of your throat it sends your heart into overdrive. He kisses slowly on your collar bones, bites gently at the skin there while his hands rub sotting shapes at your waist where he is holding you.
He starts pressing big open mouthed kisses at the skin of your chest, reaches one hand to play with one of your soft mounds, slightly stimulating the sensitive skin of you nipple, you press against his touch so delicious and warm in the middle of the cold room. He is licking and sucking all over your tits but avoiding your most sensitive spot where you want him, your legs are rubbing together trying to get any friction going on your core. You grow tired of the teasing as much as he wants to take this slow you are impatient as ever. 
“Joost-“ you whine pushing your chest against his face, he is breathing right against the skin of your nipple but won’t move. 
“Yes baby?” He asks playing coy, how dare he tease you.
You press your breasts together pushing them towards his warm lips. “Please~” You say in a breathy whiny moan that has him twitching in his boxers.
He always sets out to take his time with you and loses that battle halfway through when you sound so needy, he can’t say no and much less now. He goes to lick over your nipple, the skin hardens at the contact he sucks gently first then harder moving his tongue on the tip while his hand plays with the other scratching softly with his nail at the pebbled skin. Kneads softly at the fat with his big hand then switches and repeats the process. He sucks at the perked bud, his eyebrows are furrowed in concentration trying to bring you as much pleasure as he can to show you all the love he feels.
He keeps his beautiful ministrations down your tender body until he reaches you navel, kisses at your belly softly then moves even further south, reaches with sweet hands to the hem of your pajama shorts, you nod at him with a lip trapped between your teeth. He pulls the last of your clothing off in a swift motion, you feel how wet you are, naked, fully to his mercy. He kisses softly down the mound between your legs leaving a sweet peck at your clit that has you mewling but you know when it comes to this, it is as much about you as it is about him, so you let him take his time to do as he pleases. He kisses the inside of your thighs, because you are his, because he can. Takes his sweet time feeling the soft skin there, then licks a stripe up your core, it makes you twitch against his mouth. He adds to the wetness with his spit, with two fingers he spreads you open to kiss deeper into you, you feel his tongue exploratory at your hole softly pushing against the wet muscle. 
“Yes like that” You keep giving little praises to keep him going, your hands go to his hair to keep him in place, as if that was even needed when between your thighs is his favorite place on earth. He could live like this eternally and be grateful. 
He sucks gently at your clit, feels how hard it is on his tongue, licks up and down toying with it, you push your hips up towards his face, he moves his hands to hold at your hips, you are trembling slightly, he moves his hands and grabs behind your thighs and pushes one up placing it behind his shoulders to give himself more room. 
“I’m so close Joost please don’t stop”. You say, he moans against your heat in response, it vibrates on every nerve, he is kissing and licking wildly into you like he is making out with your pussy rather than eating you out, it is too much you have too look away and yet the lascivious sounds he pulls from you fill the room.
He licks deeply into your cunt, into the deep sweetness, he fucks you with his tongue until you have tears rolling down your cheeks while his other hand presses soft but firm circles on your clit to bring you to an orgasm. You feel yourself unraveling quickly your hips pushing wildly against him while he continues to lick you through it, he feels your pussy twitch and clench on his tongue, he is so painfully hard at some point he started humping against the mattress to relieve tension, your sweet screams of pleasure are all the reward he wants. You pull on his hair so hard it hurts but he doesn’t separate even an inch from you while you ride your high trying to prolongate it as much as he can with soft licks to your core and deft fingers on your clit. 
When the stimulation gets too much you start running from the touch, he places soft kisses on your wet folds as you push away his head gently but he holds you by the hips, hugging around your lower half to keep you close. He rest his head against one of your thighs and looks up so blissful, all pussy drunk and sweet, chin and mouth still wet with your release. 
“Get naked, I want to feel you.” You say more as an order than a plea and he is up from the bed in a second. 
He is still wearing the clothes he wore when he came home, not like he could have changed into anything since you locked yourself in the bedroom. He has sobered up but he is still a little slow and uncoordinated. Your hands moves slowly down you chest pulling lightly at your nipples still wet from his spit, he starts tracking your movements with his eyes, swallows deeply. He pulls his shirt over his head and catches how your hand goes between your legs and start softly toying with your bundle of nerves looking up to him through heavy eyelids. He can’t pull his eyes away, can’t move and feels his throat close, this is the hottest thing he has seen in his life and he is short circuiting. You start rubbing harder building back up to the edge of your orgasm. 
“Quickly~” You moan incessantly rubbing at your clit, legs spread for his viewing pleasure and grabbing at your nipples with the other hand to give him a show and torture him a little more.
“Please have mercy on me, I’m gonna die.” He whines as he struggles dumbly to unbuckle his belt and fails.
“If I come before you are done I’m just going back to sleep.” You say with no real intention behind it, just to see him get more flustered, you like him like this all red and dumb, all for you. 
You moan loudly pushing two fingers inside your heat. At the threat he pulls his pants and boxers down in a quick motion almost falling when his ankles get tangled in the fabric and he falls back at the edge of the bed. You laugh at that, how desperate he is still for you, even a year in the wonder isn’t lost at all. He loves the sound of your carefree laughter is so grateful he gets to hear it even when it is at his expenses. 
“Good boy~” You almost purr. You spread your legs for him, letting him come near you slowly feeling the mattress dips at his weight but you put a hand in his stomach to stop him before he enters you. “You have to earn it.”
He is probably gonna cum without even putting it in, he has given up at this point, but he nods his head dutifully after the day he made you have and presses just his tip against your folds how you like it. You feel so hot under him and he is all but dripping over your core. He puts his hands at the back of your thighs pushing softly so you will give him more space, with your legs almost against your chest he sees the way you pussy flutters under his gaze almost like a flower, so wet and glistening for him. He starts rubbing softly against you lips making sure his tip presses generously against your clit every time he comes near it. You cunt is so pretty and shiny with your release, all for him, he can’t take his eyes away. He keeps moving rubbing against you as your hips try to match him to feel more of that delicious friction. 
Soon you are moaning again under him. “I’m close Joost, I want to feel you inside” You whisper sultry. 
He lets go of your thighs softly and pulls himself slowly up to kiss you, you kiss back without hesitation, tasting yourself in his tongue is so erotic. He lines up his erection with your entrance and starts pushing slowly into you. You are so pretty under him, your eyes shiny so brightly, your lips are red and there are tears falling from your eyes but this time they are from pleasure, he feels so fulfilled and lucky to be the one to have you like this it fills his heart so much he feels he will explode with love any second. He barely manages to push halfway into you before he feels a shot of electricity up his spine, his body collapses on top of yours, hips thrusting deeply into you as he comes without warning. 
“Sorry, sorry. Oh fuck! Sorry.” He says between little whimpers, his hips stutter softly into your heat and he can’t do anything to stop it.
You smile to yourself while you hold him in your arms caressing softly at the expanses of his back, your hands move down below reaching to grab at his ass and pull him closer, wrap your legs around his hips, so he is deeper as he rides the last of his high. You keep pressing little kisses to the side of his face that he is now hiding in the crook of your neck while he comes down. 
“I'm sorry liefde.” He says against the pillows, hugs you tighter still hiding his face, you press a kiss to the skin of his shoulder you can reach.
“It is okay, it is okay.” You say soothing him, you run your nails softly over the skin of his back. 
You cup his face with your hands and pull softly so you can see him, his skin is a deep shade of red, it is adorable, you kiss him softly, he deepens the kiss and you suck at his tongue and feel more of your taste than whatever he had been drinking or smoking, it feels like he really belongs to you. You feel his cock kick weakly inside your walls, his cum dripping down your thighs slowly. You pull away barely and then push at his shoulder softly. He is now laying on his back and you are on top of him, his cock still inside you now softening.
“Liefde I can’t-” He says almost worried but you bend down to kiss his forehead. 
“Just stay still a little longer I’m almost there.” You barely move on his lap, don’t want to torture him anymore. You just want to feel him inside when you reach your peak. You are rubbing at your clit firmly chasing after your own climax, you feel your walls spasm against him, he whimpers beneath you, his hands go to grab at you hips in delicious agony.
“You are so beautiful.” He is hypnotized by the way your chest moves when you breath, your beautiful features breaking into ecstasy, he catches the exact moment you come undone, he feels you clench around his soft dick almost tortuously tight.
“Joost!” You scream on top of him, he moans back feels you twitching all over him. 
“Schat I love you so much.” He speaks into the darkness.
This time it is you who collapses on the bed, he holds you close to his chest, caresses at your back until you can breath normally again, presses kisses to your hair whispering sweet nothing in your ear. 
You feel his release and yours wet your thighs, it feels too sticky to sleep in so you raise softly. 
“I wanna shower.” You say pressing a kiss to his jaw. 
He nods, pulls you off him with a wince, you feel so empty, your cunt clenching on nothing. He sits up on bed with you still sitting on his lap too tired to even attempt to move. He grabs at your thighs below your ass and pulls you up on his embrace like you are weightless, you wrap your legs around his middle and hold tightly at his neck as he carries you to the bathroom. He puts you down slowly making sure your shaky legs don’t betray you while he starts the shower then he lets you in before him and joins you right after. The water is warm you start cleaning yourself up slowly, the sadness of the day washes away down the drain you don’t want to think anymore about it. He rubs body wash on your back and washes it away with soft deft hands massaging at the clenched muscles of your neck, it feels so good to be taken care of. 
You start cleaning between your legs, softly with your fingers between your folds before you feel his arms wrap around your middle and pull you to his chest under the water stream.
“Let me.” he says, his hand much bigger than yours hovers between your legs until you nod. 
He pushes his fingers in you softly moving in and out, his other arm tightly wrapped around your stomach to keep you standing. You feel his release spill out of you, you have to hold your breath your arm reaches to hold at his forearm as he works his fingers deep into your heat, he starts pulling little moans out of your mouth, sometimes you feel he knows your body better than you do and in moments like this it feels true.
“Joost I thought you were just helping me clean up.” You whine, throwing your head back resting it agains his shoulder, he kisses at your hairline softly. 
“Should I stop?” He asks genuinely, you know he never pushes you further than you want to go but you shake your head negatively so he continues.
It feels so good, your cunt is so tired and overstimulated but he is being so soft, so patient, fingering deep inside, touching at the spongey spot that makes you melt over and over again, you don’t know if it is from how pent up you have been with his absence, when usually you go at it every day, or the rollercoaster of emotions of the night has made you so sensitive but you feel another orgasm building softly in your core. You feel he has become hard again, hot member pressing at the back of you body, it is like he can never get enough of you. You reach a hand back and start stroking him gently.
“It is okay” He says ever so tender with you, never wanting to hurt you or make it uncomfortable for you, he knows you are tired and spent but you look up at him, wet hair sticking to your pretty face. 
“I want you to feel good too.” You rub your ass against him to emphasize your words and make his will break. “Just be gentle.” you whisper, he bends down his neck so you can kiss him and you do so.
Your skin is so soapy and slimy, he thrust against you a couple of times, at the cleft between your asscheeks, his fingers are still deep in your cunt until he pulls away softly, you see your shiny release on his digits and it makes you blush. He grabs hold of your hips gently, holds himself in his hand then pushes into you slowly inch by inch but you are still so wet and warm there is no resistance just the fluttering feeling of your walls on his cock. 
There is nothing more delicious than the feeling of being so connected, so close you can melt into one, he stays there without moving for a long moment just feeling you around him listening to your soft breath and the running of the water.
“You can move.” You tell him softly reaching your arm above you to hold at the back of his neck. 
“Give me a second.” He says in a deep voice, he is trying to breath through his nose to calm down. 
You laugh to yourself slightly and then push back on his hard dick. His hands grip tighter on your hips trying to keep you still. 
“Scath, you are killing me.” He says smiling in disbelief. 
“Good.” You reply looking up at him. He shakes his head you before he moves. 
He starts fucking into you, deep slow thrust into your heat, then pulling out of you at excruciatingly slow pace, then pushing in again deep until he feels he can’t go further. You are moaning  into the hot air of the bathroom, he watches hypnotized as the little droplets of water slide all over your body, your pretty nipples hardened with lust standing against your chest begging for attention, he moves one of his hands up your chest and pulls slightly at the pebbled skin, you moan loudly and he feels you cunt clenching all over him. He starts moving faster, harder you hear the wet sound of skin against skin, feel him groaning against your ear, holding at the flesh of your hips so tight it is bound to leave a mark. He feels you softly tightening on him again and again, your breath becomes more labored but he wants to see your pretty face when you come, he is addicted to it, can’t get the same satisfaction if he misses it, so on a swift move he pulls out fully leaving you empty and confused before spinning you around, grabbing at your arms and placing them behind his neck. 
“Hold tight.” The only words he says before he grabs at the back of your thighs to lift you up, he presses you against the tile wall and with one hand pushes his cock inside you again. You gasp against his mouth.
With the new angle you feel him impossibly deeper in your core, you can barely breath, eyes wildly open with surprise. He starts bouncing you on his length his hands grabbing handfuls of your ass, moving you like you are impossibly light on his embrace.
“Ah too deep Joost!” You whine against his mouth as he kisses at the corner of your lips.
He smiles proudly at that. “Sorry schat, I only have one dick size” He says delighted.
“Idio-” Your insult melts into a high pitched moan when his dick hits right at your g-spot.“There, right there Joost more~” You mewl against his mouth.
The “be gentle” promise seems so lost when you can feel him so deep in you it should scare you. You are both worked up and eager to reach your peak again, he is kissing at your mouth more like shoving his tongue inside it, you can barely move your lips back, everything feels electric every nerve standing waiting for the drop. You hold with one hand at his neck and reach the other between your legs to rub fast circles on your poor clit. He is watching intently at the place where you connect, seeing himself disappear inside your heat and your hand wildly rubbing on yourself, he hears you whimper and whine his name, it is all so overstimulating and yet he feels he cannot get enough.
“Yes baby make yourself cum all over me.” He says in a deep groan, his voice sounds so labored and dripping with lust it send you over the edge, you clench around his length, walls pulsing all over him. 
You throw your head back in ecstasy, an orgasm that feel endless while he keeps fucking into you, continuing to chase his high with a few uncoordinated thrusts that have you whining from over stimulation. He cums deep inside you again, this time it knocks the wind out of your lungs his efforts to clean you up all but wasted now. You feel your heart and his beating wildly and the sound of strained breaths creating an unlikely symphony with the sound of the shower. 
After a long languid minute he still has you pressed against the wall held tightly on his arms, he is usually so clumsy when he has to get up early, all but tumbles into the shower. You swear one of this days he is gonna fall and hit his head on the sink, but with you on his arms he is so careful balancing you properly so you won’t slip from him. He finally raises his head from your chest but before places open mouthed kisses right where your heart should be, you meet him with a wet kiss on the lips, he slowly puts you down, his eyes seem so heavy like he will fall asleep any minute now.
“Lets finish off quickly.” You tell him he nods. 
You finish massaging body wash onto him, you feel how tense the muscles on his back are, more than you have ever felt, you feel a little bad for your earlier outburst, he had been working so hard what he did wasn’t right but you can tell he is truly sorry. You wash him off quickly and do the same for yourself.
You both come out of the shower, wrap in soft towels before he reaches for the hair dryer and turns it on. 
“Turn around.” He says his voice sounds so heavy you really fear he might just fall asleep right here and then you will have to somehow drag him to bed. 
But he doesn’t fall asleep, instead he starts gently blow drying your hair you feel so peaceful, finally, you let him work his fingers on your scalp, you look into the mirror ahead and see he is already looking at you, it makes you blush like when you wake up late and he is already up just staring at your face, no matter if you were drooling through the night he thinks you are so beautiful.
He places a soft kiss at the top of your crown before he speaks again “So…. About the lingerie?”
You knew this one was coming, you roll your eyes at him in the mirror “You don’t deserve to see it.” You say quickly avoiding his eyes where he will see you are not serious at all.
He pouts, it is so cute, you will let him see of course, but not now, he has to earn it again or he won’t learn, you need to stop treating him like a dog too, probably, maybe… 
“Can I ask again another time?” He turns off the blow dryer and rests it in the counter.
You walk out the bathroom and he follows right behind. “Perhaps…if you are well behaved.” You look behind your shoulder and wink at him he smiles brightly back at you, if the torture you will put him through to let him see you on the lingerie set is even half as delicious as what he just went through then he is already looking forward to it. 
You throw the towel on a chair he does the same then you climb on bed lifting the comforter so he will just slip in. He does and then pulls you against his chest resting your head right below his chin. You will fall asleep in his arms, wake up in the late afternoon maybe order take out and talk it out, and you will talk anything out as many times as it takes because he is worth it, because both of you are, no matter how hard things get being together is worth it. 
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
MASTERLIST *ੈ✩‧₊˚ A/N: this ended up being really long oops anyways thank u for reading to the end if u did let me know if you liked it <3  ps. this was based on a suggestion ty for that :>
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rafeandonlyrafe · 4 months ago
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escape from isla nublar
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words: 2.6k
warnings: jurassic world alternate universe, dinosaurs, violence, brief mentions of gore (but not detailed), illusions of sex but not actually written out, established relationship, soft!rafe, death tw, proposal, mentions of anxiety & panic attacks
a/n: im having a lot of fun with writing aus, so here! take another one!
“thank you so much for bringing me here, rafe.” you coo out, getting onto your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek.
rafes arm slides around your waist, keeping you tugged in close as the boat approaches the dock of the island. you squeal along with all the children gathered around impatient and ready to jump off the boat and explore.
“welcome to isla nublar!” the voice of a friendly sounding woman says over the speakers. “please disembark slowly and carefully and enjoy your stay in jurassic park!”
“baby, can i just say-” rafe begins as the crowd shuffles forward, most with bags in their hands or suitcases being wheeled behind them, but rafe has already arranged to have them brought to your room so you can get right to exploring. 
“mhm.” you hum, encouraging him to continue.
“that you've been so chill this entire trip so far. proud of you.” it might sound weird to anyone else, but you've always gotten nervous when leaving your home for too long, worried something bad would happen. rafe saw it on your first trip he took you on where you tried and very much failed to hide your anxiety.
“im so excited there's like no room for nerves.” you giggle as you walk down the gangway. “and the fact that you let me plan everything. you know how much i love a schedule.”
“we are so different.” rafe shakes his head, hand squeezing yours as you step into the concrete, turning away from the crowds heading to the resort and towards the main street and the iconic innovation center.
“opposites attract.” you state, and it couldn't be more true, but rafe loves you more than he could ever envision caring about someone.
as you round the lagoon, trying to see if you're able to catch a glimpse of the giant mosasaurs in its depths, you feel your excitement levels only elevate more.
“oh my gosh, there's the petting zoo entrance.” you turn and pout to rafe.
“isn't that mostly for kids?” he raises a singular eyebrow.
“i mean yeah, but you also get to pet baby dinosaurs. totally worth it.” you tug him towards the entrance.
--
“okay.” you sigh, placing your hands on your hips. “i guess we should slow down so we have things to do for the rest of the trip.” 
“im already exhausted.” rafe chuckles. “how about dinner then to the hotel?”
as tired as rafe is, he's certainly not going to complain about being run around isla nublar when he gets to see the gleaming smile on your face every time he looks at you.
“sounds good… we could go to winstons steak house,” you point in one direction, then the other “jurassic cafe, or the brachiosaurus restaurant.”
“how about whatever is closest.” rafe rubs his hand over his face.
“okay steak house it is.” it's your turn to take rafes hand. 
he barely manages to stay awake through dinner, and by the time you're back at the hotel, he's passed out on the bed before he can change into his pajamas.
--
“what would you like to do today?” you ask rafe. “anything but that hang gliding, you know how i feel about heights.”
“the gyrospheres look fun.” rafe shrugs and looks at the map pulled up on your phone. “or kayaking.”
“why not both.” you toss your phone to the side and cup rafes cheek, bringing your lips together in a kiss.
“you're the best boyfriend ever.”
rafe places a hand on your shoulder and pushes you down onto the mattress, laying you back.
“we can wait a little bit though, right?” the smirk on his face gives him away.
“i think that would be fine.” you giggle, pulling rafes shirt off over his head.
--
“that was actually so fun.” you hum out.
“it was when you let me drive and we could finally go fast.” rafe says. you were halfway through the gyrosphere tour when you handed the controls over to rafe, allowing him to speed through the ankylosaurus herds.
“but we will not be doing that on the kayak.” you hold your finger up.
“yes ma’am.” rafe says, slipping the attendant a $20 bill to move you to the front of the line, not wanting you to have to wait.
“life vest.” rafe says, slipping it over your head while he just grabs his and throws it into the kayak, not planning on putting it on unless something happens.
rafe helps you step down into the kayak, grabbing the paddle knowing he's going to sit in the back and do all the work.
--
“this is so beautiful.” you say, leaning back into your seat as you look at the stegosaurus and it's long neck reaching up to grab the leaves, his feet submerged in the water as you paddle past.
“this might be even better than the velociraptors.” rafe says.
“wait-” you sit up. “whats that sound? is that a radio?”
it takes a second for rafes ears to pick it up, but he can hear the frantic static of voices over a walkie talkie.
rafe continues to paddle, realizing suddenly that you've separated from all the other kayaks and can't see anyone. he brings the kayak closer to the side when he hears the radio as you reach out to pick it up from the muddy bank.
you turn the volume knob up as you try to make out what the voice is saying through the water logged speaker.
“we sent the containment unit out with nonlethal force and they're all dead! immediate evacuation, get everyone inside and back to the hotel!”
“rafe…” you turn towards him, eyes widening in fear.
“im sure it's just some kid pulling a prank.” rafe takes the radio, finding the speech button and pressing it. “what is going on?”
“who is that? this is an authorized channel.” one voice says before another cuts it out.
“whoever you are, seek shelter immediately. the indominus rex is on the loose, currently heading towards-” the radio sparks and then dies out.
“shit.” rafe hits it against his thigh, but it's clearly no use.
“rafe.” your voice is already shaking. “the indominus rex. i don't know what it is, but it doesn't sound good.”
“okay.” rafe stands up and steps out of the kayak, pulling it onto the bank before helping you out. “baby-” he places his hands on your shoulders. “i need you to stay calm. you know this island like the back of your hand. where are we?”
“we-” you take a deep, shaking breath. “we are halfway through the kayak adventure. we should head just west and find the road to the aviary.”
“okay.” rafe presses a kiss to your forehead. “let's go quickly and quietly. im sure they've already contained whatever dinosaur escaped.”
“yeah.” you nod, gulping, not so sure.
rafes steady hand stays in yours, helping you over bushes and downed trees.
“shouldn't be much farther.” you bite your lip, hoping you didn't get the direction wrong.
“hang on.” rafe whispers, placing a finger over his lips. 
before you can fully comprehend what's happening, he's tugging you down under a giant tropical plant, the leaves hiding you as you hear whatever rafe did, the pounding footsteps of dinosaurs.
“that's the stegosaurus we saw earlier.” you remember the distinct marking along its side.
“get over here.” rafe pulls you in tighter, not allowing you to see as he presses you against the stem of the large plant, covering your body with his own.
“it's okay, it's a herbivore.” you say, when you hear the second set of dinosaur footsteps following it. you tense up, and you can feel a panic attack setting in as you pick your head up to see some sort of giant rex running after it.
you both stay still and silent until it's clearly far enough away.
“rafe.” you tremble as you turn into your back, his body still hovering over yours, protecting you, willing to put himself in the line of danger if he needs to.
“it's okay.” his voice is betraying how scared he is as well, but he's going to try his best to not let you see it. “let's just get to the aviary.”
“i-i can't.” you shake your head. “im fucking terrified.” 
“me too, baby.” he says. “but we gotta get under cover somewhere before that thing catches up to the stegosaurus and comes back for us.”
you swallow deeply, eyes closing for a brief minute, gaining all your courage you possibly can.
“okay.” you're up and moving quickly, running towards the aviary. your steps are no longer balanced and cautious, moving quickly through the jungle until you make it through the trees to the grassy plane.
“the aviary!” you point at the large glass dome, just in time to see a helicopter careening into it, smashing a hole that instantly has pterodactyls flying out.
“shit!” rafe shouts, tugging you back into the treeline.
“we're gonna die.” you sob out, not able to hold back your tears as you crumple to the ground.
“no.” rafe says firmly. “i will not lose you.”
he knows he needs to move, especially as the pterodactyls come closer, and he doesn't have time to console you enough to get you ready to move.
rafe reaches down and pulls you into his arms, hugging your shaking form against his chest as he follows the same path of disturbed leaves and muddy footprints back to the river.
“i need you to paddle.” rafe says, glad your kayak is still in the same space. “i know you're scared, but you need to help me here. we need to go fast.”
you sniffle and look up at rafe, your big eyes filled with tears causing his heart to pang out in pain. “okay.”
rafe bends down, pressing your lips together in a soft and caressing kiss before climbing onto the back of the kayak.
you both immediately begin to paddle hastily, not knowing where the next meat eating dinosaur could be.
“the river goes underground then should let us off near main street.” you tell rafe, eyes briefly closing to envision the map in your head before putting your entire focus back onto paddling.
“baby, still.” rafe says softly, both of you pausing as you look upwards, seeing pterodactyls wings flapping over, thankfully not seeming to notice you under the treetops, yet you still wait until they pass over before beginning to paddle again.
“there's the cave.” you say, pointing as the river bends and you head underground, lights strung along the cave ceiling as you paddle underground, able to take a deep breath now that you're under cover.
“are there any dinosaurs in this cave?” rafe questions, helping you move back so you're leaned against him. 
“shouldn't be.” you say, eyes closing as your adrenaline drops now that you're mostly safe.
“go ahead and rest.” rafe hums as he paddles, looking down at you in relief.
--
“y/n.” rafe shakes your shoulder and you sit up with a gasp, looking around, waiting to see the indominus rex charging at you.
“it's okay.” rafe says. “we're just leaving the cave.”
“so that wasn't all just a nightmare?” you sit up, knowing you must not have been asleep that long, but already feeling majorly refreshed.
“im afraid not.” rafe sighs as you grab your paddle to help steer.
“so this let's out…”
“near the resort. we should be safe there.” you squint into the dying sunlight as the kayak leaves the caves and enters into the large man-made lake.
you both quickly steer to the side, glad to be out of the kayak and on your own two feet.
“to the resort.” you say, able to tell that there are still people running from main street in that direction.
rafe is about to toss the paddle back into the boat when a screech comes from overhead and you both look up to see a pterodactyl perched over cave entrance.
“run!” rafe yells, not turning his back from the dinosaur to see that you haven't moved an inch, not leaving him.
the pterodactyl lunges forward just as rafe swings his paddle at it, hitting it in the beak, but it only enrages the dinosaur more.
you move quickly to grab your paddle, joining rafe in hitting at it, keeping the snapping beak away from pecking at your skin.
“baby, go.” rafe grunts out.
“no! im not leaving you.” you keep slapping at its beak and head until it gets annoyed and roars before taking off to the sky.
“fuck.” rafe groans. “i hate dinosaurs. sorry baby.”
“that's okay.” you say with a slight laugh. “i don't think i like them that much anymore either.”
you take off towards the resort, keeping your oars held tightly in your hands, just in case any pterodactyls try something.
“onto the ship or into the resort?” you question, seeing people trying to get into both.
rafe opens his mouth to respond when a roar rips through the air.
he looks around quickly, pulling you into taller grass, not having any other close cover.
“some of the gates must be down.” you whisper.
“why?” rafe questions, not doubting you as his eyes search through the field before you point at the crowd of people, even more frantic as you watch from a distance.
“because there's a metriacanthosaurus.”
the name makes rafe blink harshly before he sees it, the dinosaur flinging people around as it takes advantage of the hoards of people trying to get to cover.
“oh my god.” you cover your mouth, watching as the carnivore rips someone in half.
“don't watch.” rafe pulls you further into the grass, tucking you against his chest.
you close your eyes and focus on his arm wrapped around your shoulder instead of the screams.
“i got you.” rafe whispers, free hand tapping his shorts to make sure the box is still there in his pocket.
“i know.” you press your lips into his neck. “i know.”
gunshots ring out and rafe looks out of the grass to see that the dinosaur has finally brought down and everyone is safely inside.
“okay, let's run.” rafe helps you stand, deciding to head towards the boat instead of the hotel, knowing it's just one step closer to getting you safe.
you take off in a run, entering up the gangway you went down just yesterday morning.
“inside the cabin.” one of the staff says quickly, ushering you through the glass doors into the packed hallway of people, but rafe keeps moving, tucking you into him until you're towards the front of the boat, able to move up a level and find a place to sit down.
“we're okay.” you say as you relax into the sofa. “we’re alive.”
“i love you.” rafe says, head dropping to your shoulder. “im never talking you on another vacation like this again, but i love you.”
“and i thought you were protective before.” you chuckle, breathing out heavily.
“really ruined my whole plan though.” rafe knows that you both just experienced a trauma that will no doubt need to be unpacked later, but you're just happy to be safe inside the cruise ship.
“what plan?” you lift your head up.
“not the best time but-” rafe sits up and pulls a box out of his pocket. “i planned to ask you in front of the waterfall, all romantic and sweet. but i don't want to waste a single moment longer.”
rafe flicks the top of the box up to reveal a glimmering ring. “will you marry me?”
you let out a squeal and jump into rafes arms, “yes!”
sfw tags: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @ladyinbl00d @ethanthequeefqueen @drewsephrry @wearemadeofstardust0
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merchelsea · 2 months ago
Text
the crash — logan sargeant
pairing: logan sargeant x girlfriend!russell!reader
summary: logan had an horrible crash and this is basically how you (and your brother) got through it.
author’s note: i was in the middle of writing this when i got the news. coudn't write anything else after, but could never finish it. until today. im still not okay, logan girlie till i die. also can you guys tell i absolutely love writing about logan?
word count: 1.4k
requested?: yes.
warnings: a crash, unconcious logan, sadness, angst, cursing
masterlist | request rules (closed)
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fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
your mind was completely blank as you watched you brother get out of his own car to run to logan's.
shit. it was the worst crash you had watched in your whole life. and you had been around this cars for the most of it.
you couldn't move, seeing your boyfriend's car upside down, smoke coming out of it like it would do on your chimneys home at christmas eve. but this smoke didn't make you feel comforted, it did the opposite.
you could breath, but barely. and you hardly managed to let tears slip from your eyes. it was all too much, way too much.
but it was when you heard george scream for logan's name that something suddenly snapped. logan wasn't responding.
your legs started moving on their own and you found yourself trying to run to the track. a mercedes crew member had to hold you to keep you from doing so, and the most painful screams left your throat as you fought against it.
marcus, george's race engineer, came to you as he saw your state.
"hey, mini one, it's gonna be okay. it's gonna be okay." he kept repeating.
you couldn't believe him, and god, you were trying hard to.
"look, he's out of the car." he pointed to the screen, you calmed down a little to try and see him clearly, your blurry eyes making it hard. your brother held one of his arms, a member of the medical team holding the other.
with tears still storming out of your eyes, you saw your brother leave him at the medical car and run towards the pits, to then come to the garage.
george ran because he knew you were probably going out of your mind, and he needed to give you some comfort, but also because he needed to get, at least, an id so he could go with logan to the hospital.
as soon as marcus saw the driver, he let go of you. your brother soon catching you in a much more comforting embrace.
"he's okay. he's alive." george whispered to you. a sigh escaping your lips as you heard it. "i'm going with him to the hospital, carmen's on her way, she will drive you there once you-"
"no, no, no, no. i need to go see him." you said, as you pulled away from him. your eyes displayed pure pain and anxiety, and it was so hard for your brother to fight you back in that moment. he could only imagine what it would be like if this was his girlfriend, but he knew he was doing the right thing.
"you are not okay right now, y/n. i'm going."
"but he's my-" he interrupted you, knowing that he would give in the second you started talking about how much you loved logan.
"it's not up to discussion. carmen shouldn't take long, she'll drive you there as soon as you're more collected." he tells you, and you open your mouth to argue again, but he's faster. "think about it, logan's gonna need you at your best. you will do him no good showing up looking miserable."
he was right, so right it made you angry. you needed to see your boyfriend, you needed to see with your own eyes that he was okay. but you nodded to your big brother, leaving him a quick kiss in the cheek before storming out to the toilets.
george quickly went for an identification and left the garage again. as he reached the medical centre everything was ready to take logan to a proper hospital. he was now awake, but still dizzy and confused.
he got in the car and logan looked at him, confused, before passing out again.
george's mind rushed to the moment you told him about logan. you and your brother had a really good relationship, and you felt pretty comfortable in telling him everything. of course that he was still a lot protective over you, but he trusted your judgement and kept out of your love life.
so when you told him logan asked you to be his girlfriend, he showed you nothing but support. but logan told you later, that your brother actually gave him a word.
george remembered every single interaction between you and logan and felt desperate about the idea of you losing your boyfriend. it was clear how much you liked each other, and sargeant was the only guy he wanted for his sister. the only one he ever thought was good enough for his other half.
was when carmen called him, telling him that you were still not okay to come, that he came back to reality. the american had already been taken away for testing and george was on his own by the waiting room.
soon enough they called his name, updating him about his brother-in-law's state and telling him he could go ahead and meet him.
george opened the door to logan's room and was recieved by terrified eyes. he heard a relieved sigh and chuckled softly.
"mate, i thought it was your sister." the american weakly whispered. "don't want her to see me like this."
the older russell could only smile to the young driver.
"she's with carmen, i thought it might be a good idea to let her calm down before she saw you." sargeant simply nodded to the brit's words, feeling relieved he had thought it all through for her well being. that was his main goal aswell.
"how are you feeling, man?" george asked. "could be better, to be fair." logan remarked. "i don't feel too much pain, but i am as disappointed as i could be." the older one shook his head, taking a seat next to your boyfriend.
"you shouldn't feel like that. i've talked to alex about the car, he tells me that sometimes it feels undrivable." he points out, looking at his face to take note of the big bruise. "but let's not talk about that, hm? how are th-"
he is interrupted by the buzz of his phone. logan could read carmen's name on the screen.
"hey, look i tried but she really isn't changing her mind. she needs to see him. we're on our way." the spanish tells him. he doesn't have time to answer cause the woman had already hang up.
"stubborn as always." he jokes to logan, who just smiles, still worried about her reaction to his state.
the both drivers continued talking, this time about food, until they heard the door opening suddenly. you abruptly moved to get closer to logan, eyes watering at the sight of his beautiful bright blue eyes, that were watering too, while carmen slowly walked over to her own boyfriend.
"hi." logan simply said, a single tear rolling down his cheek while he smiled up at you. "hi," your whisper came out broken. "are you okay?"
you asked as the first tear came down your eyes. you looked at the marks the crash had left on his face. "i think so. your brother knows better than i do, though."
you both look over at george, who hugged carmen sideways, the older couple looking at you with worry in their eyes.
"he should be fine, they are still running exams to be completely sure, but until now, nothing we should worry about. just a little bruise ruining his pretty face." you nod and take your hand up to his face, your thumb lining the bruise near his forehead. it was big, but it was a miracle he came out of that car with only that.
george points to the door, indicating they're giving you two some time and space.
"george," logan called out. the man turned around to look at your boyfriend. "thank you for everything, mate." your brother smiled down. "it was nothing, brother." he said before closing the door to the room.
logan turned to you with a silly smile "if a crash was all i needed to get along with your brother i would've done it sooner." he smiled as you closed your face, not even the slightest of smiles evident on it.
"don't joke about this. i nearly died while watching, never do that again." you commanded, but he knew you were asking him with all your heart to make sure to be safe. "i can promise you i'll try."
his soft smile made you want to burst into tears, but you managed to compose yourself. you just rolled your eyes and sarcastically smiled. "idiot."
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© merchelsea
if you'd like to be tagged in any of my future works, let me know ;)
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daniswoso · 1 year ago
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Short sight.
Leah Williamson x Reader.
Warnings: Angst, breakup, reader overthinking, reader breaks up with leah, online hate, overthinking, anxiety, self doubt.
Summary: In which you can’t see that you’re perfect for Leah like she says you are after a social media post gets negative attention.
*******
“Y/N, what the fuck are you on about?” Leah asked, incredulous. She couldn’t believe you were breaking up with her, she thought you were happy. She thought things between you were good! And better yet, she had allowed herself to actually fall in love again, to believe that she was allowed to be loved.
Well, that all went to shit, didn’t it?
“Leah, I’m sorry. I love you, you know I do. I just-“
“Just what, Y/N?!”
“I’m not right for you!” You finally snapped, tears streaming down your cheeks as you looked at her. She looked back at you as though she had been burned. It broke your heart more and more with every second longer you looked at the crease in her eyebrow deepen.
“Y/N, what? What do you mean ‘not right for you’?” She asked, her voice was softer than it was before, clearly she held some semblance of guilt for yelling.
“I’m sorry, Leah.” And with that you were out the door, your bag planted firmly on your shoulder.
She briefly considered chasing after you, but realised it was no use, you were already driving off in your BMW (A/N: im a bmw girl, sue me.) and leaving your relationship behind. But why?
She never did figure it out, not even a week later.
She had hardly left the house, much to chagrin of Katie and Beth who had been trying to make plans with her for the past 3 days. None of them knew, it’s not like Leah could tell them without there being a massive row, especially since Beth no matter how well she knew you from national teams, would always back Leah. And Katie… Well she bullied you enough on derby days, as you played for the blues of London, and Leah shuddered to think what she’d do to you if she actually had a valid reason to.
Meanwhile you weren’t much better off, having been crying in Sam Kerr’s lap for the past week. Which is where you still were now, Kristie rubbing your knee gently as you laid with your head in Sam’s lap.
“Sweetie, you never actually told us why you and Leah broke up.” Kristie pressed, tilting your head so you’d look at her. You sighed and sniffed, wiping your tears and lifting your head from Sam’s lap.
“There… We posted a picture. Of us at the beach. And it was a hard launch, I guess? She was kissing my cheek in it, all lovey dovey like.” You started, both of them silent showing support and patiently waiting for you to explain.
“And the comments were all just talking about how she could do better. I- I didn’t think much of it, y’know? Just thought it was another bellend on the internet, but then it was all the comments were filled with. I started to believe it.” You shrugged, picking at your nails, leaning forward. The two older women exchanged a worried look over your head.
“Y/N, Leah adored you. She wouldn’t have given you up for the world. And also she could never do better! You’re the best damn player on our team, minus me, and she’s lucky to ever have had you!” Sam insisted, her voice firm, but playful.
You chuckled, shaking your head.
“Maybe.”
Things with Leah were going much less smooth than they were going for you. She hadn’t left the house in days, skipping two training sessions in favour of wracking her brain desperately trying to find out what you meant.
Then it twigged. She found the post, scrolling through the comments.
“Oh, Y/N… You fucking idiot.” She breathed out, pressing her contacts list, finding your name and allowing her thumb to hover over the call button.
*******
A/N: Im evil, i know i know. BUT! p2? 👀
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batmanisagatewaydrug · 6 months ago
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hi, i'm fourteen and i have this friend who asked me if i wanted to try eating her out. not a girlfriend, a friend. i don't have any feelings for her but i do think she's gorgeous and she's probably the best friend i have and the most mature 14 year old i know. i trust her a lot. im definitely not opposed to trying to give her head, either. i'm just worried it might be a bad idea, and i'm anxious that i won't do it right and she won't even feel good. i definitely don't want to have sex this early but does giving someone else head even count as real sex? she wouldn't really be touching me at all, except for she did say she'd want us to make out before i did it, though i'm not entirely sure why, but i am okay with it. i'm also worried about, like, STDs, because i've never been with another person like... sexually, i've kissed other people but i haven't in a while. but i think she might have done stuff with people? i don't know how recently. like... i don't know, do you think this is a really bad idea and we're too young or is this fine? how do you even eat someone out, like, what do you do? sorry if this is annoying i just really need an adult to ask about this and it's not like i can ask my parents since i'm not really supposed to do this.
hi anon,
thank you for asking! I'm really grateful to be an adult that you trust enough to talk with about stuff like this. it's not annoying, and I'll do the best I can to give a helpful answer based on everything you've told me.
I think maybe, in your case, this might not be a great idea right now. it sounds like there's a lot about this situation that makes you nervous in a way that's not fun - the kind of nerves that come from being excited to connect with a new person are one thing, but I'm hearing much more anxiety than excitement in the way you're talking about this.
oral sex (using your mouth) definitely counts as real sex - it's definitely not just putting a penis in a vagina! - and can be just as intimate and emotionally complicated as any other kind of sexual expression. you said you don't want to be having sex at your age - which is totally normal, and completely your choice to make! - and that includes oral sex as well, so maybe it's best if you sit this one out for the time being.
I want to be super clear that I'm not saying this out of any sense that no people your age should be sexual; I think wanted sexual exploration between young teens can be a great way to start exploring sexuality and finding what feels good! but that doesn't mean that every teenager has to be having sex, or that they're immature if they don't. people are ready to explore sex at lots of different ages (and some people never do at all), and none of them are weird or wrong. you could feel totally different in ten years, one year, a month, or even a week, but right now you don't feel ready, and what you feel right now is what's most important.
holding off until you've had time to learn more about sex may also help, because every situation is less scary when you feel more prepared. (it's why they make you spend so many godforsaken hours practicing driving before you can take the test to get your license.) in the spirit of learning, I want to share some resources about some of the things you had questions/concerns about.
this page on Planned Parenthood's website talks about lots of different kinds of sexually transmitted infections (STIs, also frequently called sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs), including how they're spread and how to treat them. I don't want to make STIs sound scary - I recently wrote a whole post about how they really shouldn't be! - but because it is important to know what risks there are if you plan to be sexually active so that you can do your best to minimize those risks, and what to do if someone does catch an STI. an important thing to remember is that, at your age, it might be difficult for you or your friend to get tested for STIs without help from your parents, which may be awkward and unpleasant or totally impossible if you're unable to tell them why you need a test in the first place. that's an important factor in deciding whether or not to have sex!
additionally, here's some info about dental dams, which are basically condoms for oral sex - they're a flat piece of latex, like a condom that got rolled out, that goes between the mouth and the hole.
and to help with your question about how going down even works, I recommend this video by sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe. you won't be seeing any real genitals in this video, although there is a drawing and some nude Barbies, and you'll probably want to listen with headphones unless you're alone. there are also links to more of Dr. Doe's videos on the topic.
and lastly, for more thinking about this topic, I want to direct you to Scarleteen's answer to help figure out when you're ready to start having sex, which is very good on its own and has links to some other good reading on the topic. Scarleteen is a great resource specifically designed and run to help answer teenagers' questions about sex without judgment, and I recommend them very heavily.
I hope that this has been useful, and helps you feel empowered to make whatever decision is best for you.
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strnilolo · 1 year ago
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oops
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summary: the blind, deaf, and mute baking challenge is put on pause when you accidentally injure yourself.
word count: 883
warnings: cursing, mentions of blood, mentions of injury, mentions of knives, mentions of hospital visit, use of y/n, she/her pronouns, only proofread twice, lowercase intentional.
an; thank you guys so much for the love on my last two posts! please send in requests, i would love to hear what ideas you guys have.
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driving to the emergency room instead of filming a vlog with the triplets was not how you imagined your night going. everything was perfectly fine when you started filming, you and nick weren’t allowed to hear, matt wasn’t allowed to see, and chris wasn’t allowed to speak. all was well, until you needed to cut open the bag of cake mix for the boys to use.
before the chaos..
“okay we need to get a bowl” you loudly explain the first step to the boys, unaware of your volume. chris grabs your shoulders and ushers you to lower your voice, to which you attempt.
“matt don’t move, i’ll get it” you hastily run over to matt before he can get to the cabinet containing the glass bowls.
“n/n hush, we can hear you” matt laughs standing back as you get the bowl yourself.
“what??” again, as loud as you can be without physically yelling.
“he means shut the fuck up” nick shouts grabbing your head, forcing you to look at him. you laugh, almost falling over in the process. chris grabs the box, reading the instructions to hopefully get the actual baking started, when you grab the knife needed to cut open the bag of cake mix.
“here let me cut it open” you grab the bag from chris, taking it and the knife to the trashcan so you don’t make a mess. holding the bag in one hand, you bring the knife to the side you were holding, your first mistake. slicing the plastic open, you immediately are hit with a stinging pain in your finger.
“oh fuck” you drop the bag onto the counter, taking your headphones off.
“guys i cut my finger open, holy shit” you begin to panic, holding the wound on your finger as blood drips at a rapid pace down your hands, onto the floor.
“what?” matt rips off the blindfold that was once over his eyes. chris and matt rush to you, leaving a confused nick, still jamming out to his music.
“what happened” nick shouts, now also rushing over to your aid.
“ i was trying to cut open the bag for chris and i cut my finger” you try to explain as calmly as possible, failing as a tear makes its way down your face.
“let me see it” matt grabs your hand, but you jerk back instinctively.
“y/n i have to see how bad it is, i need to know if you need to go to the hospital” anxiety on high, matt snaps at you, grabbing your hand once more. nick places a hand on your shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.
“okay, this is going to need stitches, let’s go. chris turn off the camera, and get in the car” matt rushes you all to the car, grabbing paper towels on the way out to stop the bleeding.
now all three of you sit in the car, you in the passenger seat so that matt can see you, while chris and nick are in the back seat, leaning forward to make sure you’re alright.
“did i ever tell you guys i hate blood” you laugh tearfully, squeezing the napkins over your finger.
“y/n you worked at a hospital when you were younger, how do you hate blood?” chris leans over your shoulder, watching your bleeding hand cautiously.
“an ANIMAL hospital, chris, it’s completely different” you correct him, closing your eyes to stop yourself from thinking about your injury.
“we’re almost there, as long as i don’t get pulled over you’ll be fine” matt grabs a few paper towels from his lap, urging you to change out the ones that are around your finger.
“matt do not get pulled over for this, im fine. stop speeding” you hand the paper towels to nick and shove your hand into his lap.
“i don’t want to do it, i’ll throw up”
rolling his eyes, nick begins to unwrap the paper towels from your index finger, revealing the severity of your injury, or lack there of.
“it’s not too terrible, it’s deep but not long. you should only need a few stitches” nick finishes wrapping your finger, and rubs your arm to comfort you.
arriving at the emergency room, you are immediately seen, as you’re actively bleeding, and the doctor tells you and the boys that you got lucky. the cut will only need to be glued shut, and bandaged.
finishing your wound, the doctor tells you to stay away from knives and to be more careful.
“how did you cut yourself, you weren’t even blindfolded?” matt laces his fingers with yours, the hand that you didn’t cut, of course, and leads you to the car.
“very carefully”
“well now we know, don’t trust y/n with knives, or sharpe objects, or around blood, even though she worked at an ‘ANIMAL’ hospital” chris mocks your emphasis on the word animal, lightly shoving you towards the car.
“HEY! she’s clumsy she could have tripped over that branch and DIED” nick dramatically places an arm out to stop you from ‘falling’.
“i’ll never live this down will i?” you roll your eyes, stepping aside so matt can open your car door.
“nope” matt smiles, making sure you’re fully in the car before shutting the door.
|| likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated :)
��️ @bananabread-nana ||
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whorefortheevans · 11 months ago
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How The Evans React to you Having an Anxiety Attack
Since im having an anxiety attack rn i thought this would be a good way to get a quick post out lmfao
CW: not proofread, all lowercase, anxiety
Tate
tate's always with you, even if you cant see him
he also cares more about you than he has anyone else, so as soon as you start showing signs of anxiety, he knows right away
watches you like a hawk
the second your leg starts to bounce and your breathing becomes shallow, he walks right over to you
he's not great at talking through emotions, but he lays with you and lets you rest your head on his chest
wraps his arms around you tightly
kisses the top of your head
if you cry it'll make him cry too lmao
Kyle
if you're with him at the frat house, he'll take you upstairs to his room away from everyone else
if you're not with him, he answers your call at the first ring and will drive over to you even if its 3 in the morning
kyle is super emotionally available so its really easy to talk to him about what's making you anxious
he's very affectionate
rubs your arms, legs, and back
talks you through your anxiety and gets you a glass of water
i feel like he would be big on journaling, so he would buy you a little journal for when you get too anxious
Jimmy
i don't think jimmy is very familiar with what anxiety is
given the time period, jimmy thinks anyone with anxiety was automatically admitted to mental hospitals, so you had to explain to him what general anxiety is
he still didn't completely understand it, but he tries to be there for you when you get anxious
he sits with you and lets you talk
usually doesn't have much to say, so he just gives you lots of hugs
he offers to go on walks around the camp with you
sometimes he'll put you on the back of his motorcycle and drive you into town to help clear your mind
Pre-cult!Kai
kai's parents definitely didn't talk to him about mental health
so when you start getting anxious, he kind of freaks out thinking something is seriously wrong with you
he feels a little awkward talking about feelings, but he listens to you anyway
will awkwardly put his arm around you hoping its enough
he uses his free hand to send an SOS text to winter
Kai
i hate to say this bc i love him...but blue-haired kai would not put time into talking you through an anxiety attack
he would tell you to skip that day's meeting so you weren't a distraction to anyone
he lets you stay in his bed and checks up on you every now and then
if you want to talk with him, just forget about it because if you even start to explain to him what's bothering you he'll leave immediately
he might ask winter to spend some time with you so you're not completely alone
if he's in a good mood after his meeting, he'll sit with you in his bed and offer to get you food or water
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kayewrite · 4 months ago
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Maybe this time
genre: exes to lovers (?)! angst with happy ending!! word count: 2.6k
Han Jisung x reader!! han x fem reader
wherein; Two old friends reunite and reminisce about their shared past. As they reconnect, they wonder if time can bridge the gap they left behind. Will their bond pick up where it left off, or will this meeting pave the way for a new chapter? maybe this time…
(i really want to write this before and glad i finally made it i hope you like it!!)
ps: im sorry i dont really make another part in my works because i want to leave it as open ending and let my readers continue the story on their own. but if i have time and decide to make, ill promise ill make one (especially 'want so bad')
but i hope you enjoy reading because i love making this fic. thank youu. love lots :) please love this as much i love it
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Life… is beautiful.
Even if it is full of pain, sadness, and hurt.
Even if it is full of tears, there are also moments of happiness, smiles, and gladness.
Life is a roller coaster. It lifts you up, then plunges you down, only to rise again. When you step into the cart for the first time, you know it will bring a whirlwind of emotions—fear, joy, anxiety. You know from the start what to expect, yet you still take the ride because deep down, you believe it will be worth it in the end.
You smile as you finish writing the last sentence in your book, the final period punctuating months of dedication and passion. It's done. After all the hard work, the late nights, and the self-doubt, it's finally finished.
You stand up, stretching your back with a satisfied sigh, and decide that a reward is in order. You change into your exercise outfit, slip on your earphones, and set the timer on your watch.
30 minutes.
You head out, jogging through the park outside your apartment. The weather is perfect—a gentle breeze, the sun filtering through the trees, a few people scattered around, minding their own business. You focus on your breathing, your feet hitting the pavement in a steady rhythm, the world around you fading into the background.
As you reach a shaded path, you feel the need to pause and catch your breath. You slow down, resting your hands on your knees. Suddenly, a hand lands on your shoulder, startling you.
You jump slightly, turning to see who it is. The surprise on your face deepens when you see him.
He’s breathless, his chest heaving as he holds up an index finger, gesturing for a moment of silence. “I’m… sorry,” he says between gasps. “Give me… one second… to catch my breath.”
You stand there, stunned. The face in front of you is one you haven't seen in years.
It’s Han—your first love.
“Nice to see you again,” he finally says, a grin spreading across his face.
You’re speechless for a moment, your mind racing to catch up. “Han… I can’t believe it’s you!” The shock wears off, replaced by a wave of warmth and nostalgia. You reach out and hug him, the familiar scent and feel of him bringing back a flood of memories.
He laughs, hugging you back and patting your shoulder. “I saw you while I was driving and I had to stop. I called out to you, but then I realized you had earphones on.” He chuckles, still slightly out of breath.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” you exclaim, pulling back to look at him properly. “I’m so surprised to see you! How have you been?”
“I’m fine, doing well. It’s so good to see you again.”
“Me too!”
The moment feels surreal as if you’re in a dream. You find yourselves sitting in a cozy café, sipping your favorite strawberry latte while he enjoys a slice of red velvet cake. The scene feels like a perfect snapshot of your reunion, a peaceful moment in the midst of life’s chaos.
Han was your first love, the boy who held your hand when you were just 13. Back then, you both thought you understood love—childish dreams of the future, talking about getting married, and planning a life together as if you knew what it all meant.
You smile, lost in the memories of those innocent days.
-
“Let’s get married,” he had said one time, both of you sitting on a bench, holding hands.
You stopped munching on your favorite snack, looking at him. His eyes, filled with affection, sparkled like they held tiny beating hearts. If this were an animated movie, there would be hearts popping out of them.
“Yes, when we’re adults,” you replied with a smile, leaning your head on his shoulder.
“That’s a promise, okay?”
“Yeah, a promise.” And with that, you linked pinky fingers, sealing the promise with the innocent trust only kids have.
-
“How are you?” you ask now, your eyes locking with his. The happiness in his face is contagious.
“I’m doing well, healthy and living life to the fullest.” He smiles, and it’s the same smile you remember—genuine, warm, unchanging.
“I’m glad to hear that. Really,” you say, feeling the warmth of his presence spreading through you.
“I’m really glad to see you too. How about you?”
“I’m doing fine, healthy as well. Life hasn’t always been easy, but I’m at a point where I’m happy and living my best life.”
“Thank God for that,” he says, his voice full of sincerity.
Hearing those words from him makes you both sigh, a shared sense of relief washing over you.
“I saw you on TV. You’re a famous writer now. You don’t know how proud I am of you,” he says, his voice full of admiration. “I’m glad you achieved your dream.”
His words hit you deep, emotions welling up. “Thank you.”
Being a writer had always been your dream.
-
“When I grow up, I want to be a famous writer. I’ll write books that inspire people,” you had said, lying on the grass, looking up at the stars with Han beside you. You held your pen up like a magic wand, closing one eye as you imagined the future.
“And I hope you achieve that dream,” he had said, taking your hand and holding it tight.
You had smiled at his words, feeling the warmth of his support.
“What about you? What do you want to do when we grow up?” you asked, turning to look at him.
“Me?” He had looked at you, then back at the stars. “Aside from being with you, which is my ultimate dream, I want to become an engineer.”
“An engineer?”
“Yeah… I want to build a big house for us. A really big house.”
You had felt a pang of emotion then, knowing how much he longed for a family and a place to call home.
-
“And you, Han?” you ask now, watching as his smile grows even wider.
“I’m now a licensed engineer.”
“Oh my God, really?!” You can’t contain your excitement, jumping up from your seat to hug him again. “I’m so proud of you, Han! You finally achieved your dream.”
He laughs, happiness radiating from both of you as you hold each other.
“I’m proud of us,” he says, hugging you back tightly.
You pull away, a little embarrassed by your outburst. “I’m so sorry, I just got so happy to hear that, Han.” You sit back down, smiling shyly.
“It’s okay, I’m really happy for us too.”
Han goes on to tell you about his work. He’s the engineer responsible for a new apartment complex in the city. That’s why you crossed paths again. As he talks, you listen intently, your heart swelling with pride for the man he has become.
You nearly tear up as he shares his journey—the hardships, the trials, the long years of studying. He worked hard, from kindergarten all the way to college, never losing sight of his dream. And now, he’s living it.
“I’m finished talking about me. Now, let’s talk about you,” he says, turning the focus back to you.
You fall silent, memories flooding back. You remember the times when you almost gave up on your dream, when no one bought your books, and your work gathered dust on the shelves. You remember walking through bookstores, seeing your book in the corner, covers nearly torn from being ignored.
You remember the despair, the feeling that maybe your dream was just that—a dream. But then, something changed. A light entered your life, lifting you up, guiding you to where you are now. It was hard—so hard—but you persevered, and now you’re here, a successful author with stories that touch people’s hearts.
Tears fill your eyes as you tell him this, the emotions too strong to hold back.
“I’m sorry, I got carried away,” you laugh through the tears, wiping them with a tissue he hands you.
He’s still a gentleman, just like he always was.
“I’m glad for you,” he says softly.
“I’m glad for us,” you reply, feeling a profound connection to him, even after all these years.
-
“What will happen after we achieve our dreams?” you had asked him once, walking together along a tree-lined path. It was fall, and you kicked at the leaves, watching them swirl in the breeze.
“We’ll get married. I’ll buy you the shiniest ring in the world,” he had said, his voice full of determination.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Even if it’s not the shiniest ring in the world… I’ll still marry you.”
“For real?”
“Yes. You’re the only one I want to spend my life with. You’ll build our big house, and I’ll be the most famous writer in the world. We’ll be happy together, forever.”
“And you’ll still wear the shiniest ring in the world because that’s what you deserve,” he had said, holding your hand and kissing it gently.
“I love you,” you had mumbled, your heart full of emotion.
“I love you too.”
And under the falling leaves, you had kissed him for the first time.
-
The conversation between you both gradually trails off, leaving an unspoken tension hanging in the air. The café's ambient sounds—the quiet clinks of cups, the murmur of distant conversations—fade into the background. It feels as though the world outside has paused, allowing you both to be suspended in this fragile moment. You’re unsure if he remembers the past as vividly as you do, but meeting him again has stirred memories you had long buried. The memories of the happy moments you shared, the laughter, the dreams—it all comes rushing back with a bittersweet intensity.
There’s a question burning in your heart, one that you’ve held onto for years. But as you open your mouth to speak, the words falter on your lips. You hesitate, the weight of the past pressing down on you. You’re not sure if you should ask—if you even have the right to.
-
"Let’s break up," you had said, your voice trembling as you turned your back on him, trying to hold yourself together. The words tasted bitter, foreign, as they left your mouth.
"Why?" His voice had cracked, laced with confusion and desperation, forcing you to turn and face him. The sight of his pleading eyes, full of pain, made your resolve waver.
"I don’t know. I don’t deserve you. I don’t love you anymore…" The lie felt like a knife twisting in your chest, each word cutting deeper. You couldn’t look him in the eye, knowing that the truth would betray the facade you were trying to maintain. "And… we’re leaving. We won’t be coming back."
You forced the tears to stay at bay, but when you heard the way his voice cracked, the dam you had built burst. The tears you had tried so hard to hold back streamed down your face, unstoppable.
"Why would you do that to me?" he had asked, his voice barely above a whisper, full of hurt.
"I don’t know. You should find someone else to achieve your dreams with. I have things I need to focus on in my life too. I don’t want to spend my life tied to you," you had said, forcing yourself to face him as you delivered those final, hurtful words. The look in his eyes as he bowed his head, defeated, had nearly broken you.
He was only a boy then, but he had known what love was, what it meant to make someone a part of your life. You had been his life, his future, his everything. How could he continue when the one person he wanted to build that life with had just walked away?
And so, you had left him, without looking back, disappearing from his life as if you had never been a part of it.
-
But now, years later, here he is, sitting in front of you, smiling as if nothing had changed. He’s happy to see you, proud of the person you’ve become, despite the hurtful words you once threw at him. And that, more than anything, tears at your heart.
A single tear escapes your eye before you can stop it, and you quickly wipe it away, hoping he didn’t notice.
"So, do you have a family now?" The question slips out, carrying with it the years of wondering, of what-ifs.
"I…" he begins, but before he can finish, the door of the café chimes, and a beautiful woman walks in, her presence commanding attention. She makes her way to your table, and you watch as Han stands up to greet her, the fondness in his eyes unmistakable.
"Honey…" he says, and your heart skips a beat. The word echoes in your mind, heavy with implications.
Honey?
Confused, you watch as they hug each other warmly, the scene playing out before you like a slow-motion reel. It feels surreal, like you’re watching from a distance, even though you’re right there.
"Honey, this is my friend I told you about," Han says, introducing you with a smile. He then turns to you, his eyes meeting yours. "This is my fiancée."
Fiancée.
The word hits you like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of you. You force a smile, accepting her hand for a handshake, even as you feel a pang of pain in your heart
She sits down, joining your conversation with an easy grace, and you can’t help but notice how happy they are together. The way they look at each other, the subtle touches, the smiles—it’s clear that they’re deeply in love, a love that’s mutual and uncomplicated.
you look at the shiniest ring they were wearing.
You’re glad for Han. He deserves this happiness, this life he’s built. He’s finally living his dream, the dream that you once shared but were never meant to fulfill together. He’s found someone to continue that dream with, someone who will stand by his side as he builds the future you both once imagined.
The hurt lingers, but it’s softened by a genuine happiness for him. You’re happy that he’s happy, because that's what he deserve: happiness
Your thoughts are interrupted as the café owner sets your additional drinks down on the table. “Here’s your order,” he says. You murmur a soft thank you, still trying to process the whirlwind of emotions.
“No need to pay for your drinks,” the owner adds with a warm smile. “It’s on me.”
"No, I insist on paying for us," you replied, trying to cover up the flutter of in your chest.
"It's fine, babe," he said, chuckling as he gently pressed the matter.
"Really, it's okay," you laughed, looking between him and Han, who were both clearly confused by the exchange.
"Ah, by the way, I forgot to introduce you," you said, standing up with a smile. You gestured to the man beside you. "This is Hyunjin, the owner of the café."
"Hello, I'm Hyunjin," he said, extending his hand for a handshake. "I'm her boyfriend."
Han's eyes widened in surprise, his confusion evident as he looked between you and Hyunjin.
You laughed at Han's bewildered expression, and soon the table was filled with lighthearted laughter once again.
Life, you thought, was indeed full of surprises and plot twists. Just when you thought you knew how things would turn out, the unexpected happens.
But despite the twists and turns, one thing remains true: life is beautiful.
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rottenrosethorns · 2 years ago
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HI HI!! i love ur blog sm i had to request something!! can we pls get some fluffy leon hcs where he's playing w his partner's hair? or caressing their skin, anything along those lines🥺
im touch starved istg
Pairing: Leon Kennedy x gn!reader 
Genre: Headcanons, Fluff 
Synopsis: Leon’s love language is physical touch – Leon takes you on a surprise date to the local carnival! 
Word Count: 1.4K 
Warnings: mentions of carnivals but no clowns, large crowds, mentions of social anxiety 
A/N: I don’t know how to write headcanons lol. So, hopefully this is okay for the first time. I also don’t know how to keep things short and sweet, I was itching to write a whole ass fic for this LMAO. thank you anon for the idea and for loving my humble blog! <3
__________
- masterlist - 
__________
You always found it surprising that Leon would put 110% effort in planning your monthly date nights. Usually, he’s cool, calm, and collected, so you didn’t strike him as the type to become giddy about some outing; however, Leon always managed to prove you wrong. He was an excellent planner thanks to all the years of training his observation skills. 
He knew exactly what you liked and didn’t like. So even if you hated surprises, Leon would always orchestrate the date accordingly and ease into the activity he knew you’d enjoy. 
Plus, you trusted him more than you trusted your anxiety!
Before you even leave the house, Leon's sitting on the closed lid of the bathroom toilet, watching as you get yourself ready for whatever outing he'd been brewing for the past week. His eyes would be keen on you the entire time, shifting to look at your reflection in the mirror, then back towards you. 
Since he doesn’t want to interrupt your work – you are putting in the time and energy to look good for him after all – Leon resorts to verbal compliments and being your personal hype boy. 
You'd usually listen to music or play a video to accompany your routine, but nowadays, Leon was the only companion you needed. 
Leon can't sit still for long, so he'll be hovering all around you. One moment, he's standing behind you and wrapping his arms around your midriff to catch you in a tight back hug. Next, he's turning you around with his hands on your hips as he tries to convince you that you don't need anything to make you look more breathtaking than you already were. 
You pinch him arm gently, warning him that he'll make you both late if he keeps distracting you. So, he offers to help you with your hair instead. 
The man wants to be involved! Let him dote on you! 
Surprisingly, Leon's decent as a hairstylist. Experienced from handling young Sherry’s hair, Leon forcibly learned almost any and all basic hairstyles. He'll be extra gentle with you though, making sure not to pull too tight or harshly brush through knots. If he's feeling a bit childish, he'll try to tickle your earlobes. But when you get annoyed, he'll offer an apologetic kiss on your neck before neatly finishing his style. 
Sometimes he’ll ask what style you want, but most times you let him decide for you. Secretly, you know he enjoys dolling you up to his expectations, so as long as it looks well kept, you didn’t mind what he did for you. 
Leon's not the best driver, so unfortunately, he can't do the one hand driving, one hand on your left thigh ordeal. No matter how much he wants to be cool, he doesn't have the confidence to drive without two hands on the wheel like a teen who'd just gotten their permit. 
It's okay though, because he'll interlace his fingers with yours and softly kiss the back of your hand at red lights. Maybe, he can sneak in a peck when there's traffic too. 
Leon always opens the door for you and offers a helping hand which never lets go unless absolutely necessary. It's not uncommon for couples to hold hands in public, but when he's brought you to the local carnival with an abundance of people, he's definitely making sure you don't get lost in the crowd. Your safety comes first after all. 
If you get anxious around a lot of people, Leon will either rub his thumb over the back of your hand soothingly as he whispers some reassuring words for you or he'll move so that his body acts as a sort of barrier. 
You'll always follow closely behind him, tugging at his clothes just in case your hands disconnected for whatever reason. Once you're out of the crowd, Leon will make sure you're feeling okay before holding you closer by latching his arm around your waist. 
It’s a win-win for the both of you. You get to feel his warmth from his protection, and he gets to ward off anyone who thinks they have a chance with you. Boy is possessive, so don’t stray too far! 
If you get self-conscious about PDA, Leon will pout, but he'll get over it. As much as he wants to smother you in kisses for the world to see that you are his lover, Leon would never force you to be in an uncomfortable situation especially in public. 
Therefore, he'll compromise with a ghost touch at the small of your back or a soft grip on your shoulder. He'll know he's doing okay because you'll subconsciously lean closer to him and sometimes put a hand on top of his. 
The both of you will explore the carnival grounds for a while, trying your hand at a few carnival games. Of course, Leon is very competitive in nature and an excellent marksman, so he'll absolutely ace at any and all shooter games. But this time, he'll push you up to the podium this time and help you win your own prize. 
He'll stand behind you with both hands on your shoulders as he tells you to focus on the three glass bottles. He gives clear instructions, waiting for you to nod your head or make a noise in confirmation before sliding his arms down yours and aiming the toy gun towards the bottles. 
He'll hover towards your level, chin resting on the curvature of your shoulder. He does this to help see how you’re aiming, but he purposely pushes himself closer to tease you. He can’t help that you’re just smaller than him and that your figure is always begging for him to embrace you. 
He knows you're nervous, but he wants you to win, so he'll wrap his hands around your shaking hands, gripping the stock to stabilize you and the gun before shifting your aim. Once lined up, he'll let you pull the trigger on your own, successfully knocking down the three bottles. Elated, you turn and envelope yourself into a congratulatory hug before happily accepting the prize. 
When you're both hungry and take a seat at an open table to snack on the overpriced carnival food, Leon now does the hand on the thigh thingy. 
He'll go the extra mile and hook your leg over his, so that you're partially thrown over his lap as he traces random lines on your skin. Again, if you're anxious about large crowds, this'll soothe you. 
You can't say you've been to a carnival if you hadn't gone on the ferris wheel, right? Is it very obvious that he plans to seal the night with a romantic kiss at the top of the ride? Yes. But, you'll pretend you don't know what he's planning to do. 
Leon's never truly loved someone before, so don't blame him when he gets all his ideas from cheesy romance movies. You'd never expose him though, because you didn't mind being the main character sometimes. 
You can tell he's nervous, his eyes are watching the wheel spin round and round as you wait in line. Now it's your turn to calm his nervousness down as you wrap yourself on his bicep and lean your head on his muscles. He'll look away with a soft, goofy smile before taking his free hand and giving you a soft head pat to silently thank you. 
Once on the ride, Leon prefers that you sit next to him. Although he liked looking at you sitting across from him, Leon felt much more comfortable with you by his side, especially when you both were swinging higher than the treetops. 
As the ride begins to move, Leon will wrap an arm around your side, planting a firm grip on your hip and pulling you close to him. Even when the cart shakes, Leon's hold is firm and keeps you stable, but that doesn't prevent you from fearfully gripping his midsection.
He'll let out a teasing laugh at your timid reaction and press a kiss on your temple as you hide your face in his chest. 
Once at the very top, Leon will uncover you and take a moment to admire you. He's very keen on eye contact, so he'll hold your chin with his fingers as he expresses how much he loves you. He'll slide his fingers until they're placed on the side of your neck and pull you in for that cliche kiss to perfectly end the night.
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sabh0 · 6 months ago
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To get this out of the way, I am a 100% believer that Chuuya is wayy smarter than anyone gives him credit for. That being said, despite how Asagiri (+ the stage play) is tying his character to themes of leadership and potentially setting him up to be the next PM boss, I think I'm not the only one who thinks it would be a terrible idea.
Not because I don't think Chuuya is not smart enough for the role, but because he's too empathetic for it. Just imagine the entire weight of the Port Mafia rest on his shoulders, the lives he has to sacrifice for the good of the organization and of Yokohama. He already struggles with the guilt and anger of loosing his subordinates to Q's ability, what more if he can't put himself in the frontlines and has to make weighted decisions behind the comfort of the PM tower that will impact the future of the organization.
We already know that whoever becomes PM boss ain't ever gonna be happy again, like Beast!Dazai was fucked up even more and Beast!Mori was living his best life. So yeah, imma keep hoping Mori continues to live for the sake of the PM not having to choose the next leader.
I agree!! Chuuya would practically be doomed if he became the boss. With how much he cares about everyone around, not putting himself at risk and making others die for him (and we know how self-sacrificial he is) would probably drive the man in so much guilt.
He himself also doesn't even feel like he's good enough for that position (based on the stageplay), so it would only add to the stress. He would probably see every single mistake as his own fault.
He wouldn't be a bad leader overall, but a very stressed one for sure. Im not saying Mori or Beast Dazai don't get stressed, but Chuuya's way of thinking about some stuff does heavily differ from theirs. If he would continue doing all that against himself, he would either finally explode from the anxiety or just lose some of his own personality, for the sake of the job.
Idk what i am even yapping about tbh. I just dont ever want to hear "hello chuuya is a new pm leader" :(( beast Chuuya becoming one was enough
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