#also ignore why some of this is small text and some isn't I tried to fic it but couldnt dsfghfgds

[gotham-daydreams]

i just had a thought

you know what would really fuck up the batfam in the "not tonight" series imagine the reader instead of leaving gets kidnnaped and when the batfam saves them reader breaks down into crying in relief because they genuenly believed the batfam would not bother to save them

Imagine the absolute horror the batman would feel

I know its a little farfetched but i live for the angst

No, no! I love that idea!!! And it isn't all that farfetched seeing as the reader is a well known musician on some level, and even if that wasn't the case- they're still the kid of Bruce Wayne. Which, honestly, is enough motivation for someone to kidnap them, I'd say. Especially if the reasoning is for money, revenge/jealousy, or both honestly.

Besides all that, though- oh my god that would be awful! I love it!

Because imagine things from the reader's perspective (which, there is implied violence inflicted on the reader, mentions a blood, and a gun is pointed towards them. So, if it isn't your cup of tea then that's fine!):

Your 'family' that barely acknowledges you enough as it is, and the only guy who ever seems to notice that you're around is the single butler that basically takes care of everyone and everything in the manor. Now, you're kidnapped because of your relation/connection to the family, and have no hope to do anything besides just pray.

Maybe you have tried to escape before a few times at this point, but the punishment for such attempts have now gotten to the point where if you try again and fail, you'd surely die. Maybe you've also been trying so hard to escape yourself because you're just that certain and sure that the Batfam won't save you. Since, up until this point, anything dealing with or connecting back to you in some way has been ignored or dismissed one way or another. Why would something like a kidnapping be any different? Especially when they also haven't noticed other events where you have gotten hurt before.

Right from the gate, you're already thinking that the Batfam won't save you. Not that they can't, but just like with everything else- something will come up and steal away their attention, and you'll be left by yourself, and to defend yourself as always. That's what always seems to happen, and so why would now be different? In your mind, it wouldn't. So that's why when your attempts to escape fail, and the punishments not only get worse, but begin to pile up and reach a point where you think you're going to die- the situation quickly becomes much scarier.

You don't hope that Batman will suddenly show up, and instead pray that your best friend will notice your missing somehow. You don't think that Nightwing, Red Robin, Spoiler, or Orphan will suddenly swoop in and save the day, but instead try and hope that your producer/boss notices that you haven't replied to his calls or texts and contacts someone. You don't even consider that Red Hood or Robin will come barreling in and quickly deal with your kidnappers before rescuing you — instead all of your thoughts are filled with silent whispers and desperate pleas that someone- anyone you know will notice that you're gone, or that something is wrong, and will contact somebody. With that 'somebody' being the police or anyone of help, but not the Batfam.

Maybe a small thought does slip by, but you can only internally laugh at yourself because you either think that you've already lost enough blood to actually try and believe that lie, or your just growing that desperate to have a little hope. To have something to cling onto in this moment, that you chose the one thing that you're so convinced will never be given to you. A thought that only further cements itself in your mind the more time passes. With hours turning into days, and days to weeks.

Perhaps that's why you try to escape again. Deciding that you had better odds of succeeding despite your injuries, than the Batfam ever coming to save you. Let alone even thinking about it, or even realizing that you were gone in the first place. Taking that risk of getting caught again, and potentially getting killed this time, because no matter how hopeless or unlikely it seems for you to escape and make it out- those chances will always be higher than any single person from the Batfam showing up, and even attempting to save you. Even on accident, or on a whim- that possibility is so unlikely in your mind, that it's basically nothing more than a made up scenario or daydream to you. It's not an 'if' or 'when', but a flat out 'won't'.

Maybe that's why when you fail you get so scared, but can't help but feel like this was inevitable somehow. Of course, you don't want to die- but you had tried your best. You fought until the very end, and it almost feels a little too fitting that things ended up this way. With your efforts ending in vain, and you having nothing to show for it. With your attempts futile, and almost seeming idiotic from an outsider's point of view, and maybe it was.

You never stood a chance. You were doomed for failure. Not even all the training and experience you had could save you- and only now could you see how truly worthless all your efforts had been. With a gun pointed to your head, and your own blood providing the only warmth you've felt in days.

There's an odd sense of comfort and familiarity in the chill that shoots down your spine, and the cold gaze that one of your kidnappers give you. They're carelessness and disregard for your health reminding you of something, with their rough attacks and harsh punches bringing back times where you really did need the Batfam, only for no one to show up. Your call dying down as fast as it had risen that day, and one you never even bothered to make again.

So maybe that was why you were so surprised when help arrived, and even more so when you saw who exactly it was.

Before you could even fully register anything, you began to cry. A wide smile full of disbelief grows on your face, and more tears begin to fall as the smallest of laughs escape you. 'Unbelievable' is the first word that comes to mind when describing what you felt, and thought when you saw Batman drop down from the ceiling and deal with the guy who was about to kill you, and heard some commotion just down the hall.

At first, your convinced it's all some silly dream, and that maybe during your final moments- your mind decided to give you something nice to send you off. Almost like a warm parting gift to distract you from the hopelessness, and reality of the situation. Though it's only when pain shoots through your entire body when you move a certain way, that the thought of all of this being some made up hallucination or delusion vanishes, and you can't help but cry harder.

You don't know if it's a good or bad thing that after all this time- the one time they actually notice that you're gone, is when you not only get kidnapped, but can't escape by yourself. That the one time they acknowledge you, you're almost dead, bleeding out, and the most messy and vulnerable you've ever been.

Maybe life really did have some grudge against you to go to such lengths to fuck you over, but right now you're too relieved to be saved to care at the moment.

Yet, to say the Batfam feels awful on a totally new level, is an understatement. They understand feeling relieved, but to this extent? It's like you never expected them to come and save you at all... and that little thought seems to be true when one of them tries to help you out, and you're still laughing weakly as you continue to cry. Asking through a broken, wavering voice if all of this is real, and isn't some fucked up hallucination your having to make passing on easier. That they really showed up, and as a last ditch effort to not make your death anymore painful then it has to be- this isn't just some... dream, to make you feel like you were actually cared for in your final moments.

It breaks their hearts, a lot.

Especially when you repeat questions, as if trying to really make sure that they're there, that they're real, and aren't just some figment of your imagination. That they actually came to save you, and weren't off saving Gotham or the world itself instead. Constantly trying to be sure, as if the moment you weren't- then you'd be convinced that you were slowly dying all alone, with no hope of help coming — not even thinking that the Batfam would come — and just have to sit with that fact as you take your final breaths.

The pain you feel is almost equal to their's, and what really worries and scares most of them is how sure and certain you are that they wouldn't show up. That either the thought would never cross their minds, or that something else would come up and they'd leave you for dead, or that they just wouldn't notice that you were kidnapped at all.

Which, said fright and worry is only amplified when you have to keep asking "Are you really here? Are you sure?" And the like, and they have to keep finding ways to prove to you that yes, they are here. They're helping you, and they're not leaving- they actually managed to save you, and that you're going be okay now. That they aren't going away, and are very, very real.

Each little, broken laugh chips away at the pieces of their hearts, and your own disbelief that they can't seem to get rid of no matter what they do or say, is just a punch to the gut. You didn't just think that they wouldn't show up, but were fully convinced that they wouldn't even bother with it. That own realization just... hurts more than anything.

Had they really been that awful to you? Had they really caused you so much pain and hurt that you'd not only think of such a thing, but fully believe it? They didn't remember doing anything in particular that would cause you to think that way... but maybe that wasn't the problem. It wasn't what they did to you, but rather what they didn't do, and that's when the pieces finally begin to click.

Of course some don't want to believe it, similar to how some of them in "Not Here" express a brief moment of denial and disbelief themself, but they don't get to experience such a luxury anymore. Not with you here- bleeding, hurt, and crying from both relief and disbelief, because you couldn't believe that they actually showed up.

Even when they do quickly take you to a hospital and get you treated, that image of you is still ingrained into their minds. They can't forget it- how you looked at them and spoke, and just how you treated the whole situation because of how convinced you were.

From here they'll try to rebuild what they can, and all definitely be 100% more protective then they've ever been. The moment you're able to come home (which, you ARE coming home. No if's or but's. You don't get a chance this time.), they're doing everything in their power to not only 'fix' everything, but make sure that you are safe at all possible moments of the day.

It's safe to say that the whole experience traumatized the whole family to a certain degree. Not only with you being kidnapped- but you trying to escape multiple times and almost dying, because you were so convinced that no one would show up to help. (Which, while it was also because you can genuinely handle yourself and did believe you could escape on your own, the Batfam doesn't entirely believe that (and you almost dying doesn't help with that) so they chalk it up to you being desperate, because you 'knew' that no one was coming to save you. Which also may or may not make certain people worse in the process.) So they're already leaning pretty heavy on the yandere tendencies. Which most likely develop over the time you're in the hospital, and into your first week or so staying in the Manor.

Which does lead us to your little addition:

Which, you are very correct!!!

Our boy Jason, put in very simple terms, doesn't take the situation well. At all.

Seeing you bloodied, bruised, abused, malnourished, and on the brink of death no less- definitely doesn't help with his reaction at all.

Don't get me wrong! All of them react pretty negatively to the situation, and many of them have very strong reactions- Jason in particular just has the worst and strongest one. :]

The moment he sees you, he's immediately reminded of his death. The urge to comfort you is strong, but he just doesn't know what to do- and so he ends up not doing anything until you're in the hospital. Which, leading up to that point, he's checking your pulse as often as he can.

He knows what it's like to be hopeless, and feel that helpless- but to know that you experienced that? To know that you almost died like he did? It ruins him. It fucks him up more than anything else.

From the way you looked at the Batfam- the way you looked at him, and just how utterly relieved you were, despite drowning in your own disbelief- it haunts him. The state they found you in messed him up enough, but all of your questions, and just how you were even trying to reassure yourself that them showing up and saving you was real, fucked him up big time.

Before he knows it, he's hunting down the people who kidnapped you, and wiping out whatever is left of their bloodlines. Not sparing a single person, as they didn't spare you- with their generations leading to your kidnappers being born.

He's making their final moments just as painful as yours would've been. Their agony almost matching his, as he couldn't forget the night they saved you. He refused to. That moment forever engraved into his mind, reminding him of what also was if they were a second too late, and how it made him realize just how much he's fucked up along with everyone else.

While Jason can't exactly just waltz into the Hospital to visit you, since he is still considered dead and everything, he sneaks into your room instead. Trying to give what comfort he can in his own silent, but close way. Holding your hand with a gentleness even foreign to himself, and saying how he's sorry and that he'll make it up to you. Promising every night that he'll make those that made you suffer pay with their lives, and then some. Saying how he won't leave your side ever again, only to be gone by the morning.

He brings what he can as well. Even if it isn't as showy or extravagant as any of the things that Bruce, Damian, Dick and so on are getting you, or as pretty and lively as the flowers that are placed by your bedside. It's just his own little way of trying to make it up to you.

The small, little gifts he gives you are indeed little, and he doesn't give much since he doesn't think that your forgiveness or love can be bought. But he still tries to give something. So he'll give things that can be as little as hair ties or bracelets, to earrings (that totally aren't matching) and a little music box that reminded him of the melodies you've made thus far. It's all just another way of saying that he cares about you, and not only wants to build your relationship but be connected to you somehow.

The earrings, even if you don't wear them but just have them, make him feel closer to you then he can. He hopes that in some little way, that whenever you wind and let that music box play its tune, that you are reminded of him or think of him in some way. That when you wear or even look at the few ties and bracelets he's given you, he comes to mind in some small way, and manages to bring the smallest of smiles on your face.

Jason doesn't yearn to be remembered or seen fondly, but he would like to and deeply appreciate it. Since when he looks at his earnings, he's reminded of you, and the pair he managed to give you. Leaving him unable to fight back the smile that grows on his face.

For the most part, he just generally tries to be more present, hardly leaving you alone unless he has to, and spending every moment he can by your side. Moments that begin to last longer once he finishes his buisness with your kidnappers, and their families. He doesn't push too hard or is super in your face and constantly invading your personal space. He just exists in your presence, and as long as you're around he's got no complaints.

Though he does get extremely protective and possessive. Especially if your sleeping or something, and someone walks in. God have mercy if they need to wake you up, and dare to try without saying anything to Jason first.

Which- all of this boils down to you getting scary dog privileges every night, which turns into an almost 24/7 type of deal when you get discharged from the hospital.

---

Sorry if this is a little all over the place. I wrote it all in one go for the most part and haven't really looked it over, so there's probably some mistakes I didn't catch and missed 😅

Still, I hope that's alright, and as you can see- i really enjoy this idea :]

[soireegurl]

Prompt 15+4

It's a normal day of school for you. However, not so normal as your just broke up with your boy friend, the school's heartthrob, Yang Jungwon.

You found out that you were just a bet made among Jungwon and his friends.

You were sad... Of course... The man that you loved dearly was just playing with your feelings all this time.

Eversince you entered this school, you laid your eyes on Jungwon and the feeling became stronger and stronger day by day. But you didn't have the courage to confess as you know Jungwon has many suitors. And all of them are either good looking, rich, or have good grades. But you are just a normal girl...

So you tried hard to fight the feelings by focusing more on studies, getting more tuitions to make sure you have no time at all yo think about Jungwon..

which did work but not until he came and confessed to you.

After the you accepted his confession, he told you not to tell anyone you guys are dating. You partly understood why since he is popular in school, dating Jim will cause you alot of trouble.

Days passed by, today is Jungwon's birthday and also the first month of you and Jungwon's relationship.

You made a handmade gift for him and was excited to see his reaction when he sees the gift.

When you were walking to his class, you passed by a boys toilet and heard a familiar voice.

It's Jungwon, you can't mistake that... And a few of his friends.

You vaguely heard your name coming from inside so you went closer to hear.

"Yo, it's been a month, don't tell me you have slept with her yet."

"Chill man, she too conservative, I can't even kiss her."

You heard Jungwon said.

"Damn, looks like the bet is playing hard to get."

"Man, if isn't working, we'll find you another target."

"Nah bro, she's fun to play with... Atleast for now. "

You heard Jungwon said in a nonchalant tone...

So... You were just a bet?

Heartbroken, you ran away from here and went back to class.

You reported sick and went home as you didn't want to see Jungwon or be here anymore... You need some time alone.

The next few days you didn't go to school and ignored all the texts and calls from Jungwon.

He has been doing this ever since you broke up with him.

That day after you went home, you immediately texted Jungwon.

"Let's break up. I know I was just a bet... No need to pretend anymore... We are done."

You were sad... You really loved Jungwon... But seems like you guys are not meant for each other...

Now, you are just sitting on a bench in a park staring at those kids playing at the playground. They look so happy... You want to be happy too... But reality hits hard..

It was dark already, so you decided to go home.

You walk through a small dark alley which is a short cut to your house.

Suddenly, you felt a strong pair of arms wrapped around you which scared you and made you let out a small scream.

A hand covered your mouth and a familiar voice whispered next to your ears.

"Shhh shhh... It's me... Don't be scared..."

Jungwon?

What is he doing here?

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

Seeing that you are quiet now, Jungwon slowly let go of you.

You turned around and stared at him in confusion. Before you could open your mouth, Jungwon hugged you again.

"I missed you... "

Jungwon said softly...

You scoffed at his words. You already know the truth so why is he still acting like he loves you?

You pushed him away harshly and took a few steps back.

Jungwon was shocked... You have never pushed him away...

He stared at you in disbelief and his face showed that he was hurt. But you chose to ignore that.

"What are you doing here?"

You said frowning, not really wanting to see him now.

Jungwon took a few steps forward and tried to hold you but you stopped him.

"Stop right there! Don't come near me."

But of course, Jungwon wouldn't listen to you.

He came forward and grabbed your arms

"I missed you... Why did you not pick up my calls or reply to me texts?"

He said, sounding desperate for your attention.

"We already broke up Jungwon... And you didn't even love me in the first place... Stop acting."

"No no no... We didn't break up... What do you mean..."

Jungwon said while aggressively shaking his head

"You sound delusional, Jungwon..."

You said and scoffed.

"let me go now... It's late. And please don't ever appear infront of me anymore."

You said and yank your hands out of his grip.

Jungwon stared at you in disbelief and sadness...

You were so focused on leaving, not even realising the dark aura rising around him.

You walked away shocked that he actually didn't stop you.

However, soon after, you felt that strong pair of arms around you again but this time, a little different. A cloth was covering your mouth.

You struggled to get away and accidentally breath in.

You slowly lost your strength and consciousness.

Before you black out, you heard Jungwon saying.

"You are not leaving me..."

Hope you like this! Sorry I accidentally deleted the request... But here it is!

[chaifootsteps]

re: convos about hazbin hotel's rating and kids being in the fandom.

i looked into what Amazon's Hazbin Hotel is rated and the confusing matter of the 16+ to 18+ rating. basically it's not uncommon for the (imo, broken) rating system to tag darker episodes with a higher rating than others, the intent is to let you know what the current episode will get into, but the fault is that it risks initially giving the impression the series is for a younger audience than it is.

& it *seems* the UI for the series page on Amazon defaults to the highest rated episode--bc it *was* 16+ before all episodes released, then bumped up to 18+ once episode 4 was there.

here's the rating on episode 4, which if it's the same as every other Prime episode i've watched, would've been briefly in the upper left corner in small text before fading away, easy to miss and lacks what would be more fitting verbage (i.e. sexual violence.)

and, here is what Hazbin Hotel's *official* certified ratings are, according to IMDb:

in relation to a shocking amount of kids being in the fandom, i tried to look into whether or not the Hazbin Hotel Pilot episode and/or Addict were age-restricted. y'know, bc everyone keeps saying it's an "adult show for adults." (which it is but ykwim.)

and it seems like there weren't/aren't. i checked in a logged-out browser if i'd get any sort of "this video is age restricted" or "sign-in to confirm age" YouTube filters. i didn't. i also tried playing them in Discord (bc usually if a YouTube video is age-restricted it'll stop you and make you view it on YouTube where it can confirm your age) both the pilot and Addict played without a problem.

(if someone else tries and finds they *did* hit an age-restriction block feel free to let us know.)

in addition, it seems a few redditors were discussing this very thing back when it came out, so they were either mistaken or it never had an actual age-restriction on it.

and the pilot's warning isn't even at the top or in caps or anything, it's a very casual "be warned this is aimed at older audiences hehe there are bad words and innuendos" line in the middle. not even "for" older audiences. "aimed" at them.

and as we know Addict has a proper warning at the start of the video that is as follows:

but, again, i was able to access Addict easily in a logged-out YouTube window which seems to indicate it had no age-restrictions on it.

i checked YouTube Kids itself and the good news is neither the pilot nor Addict show up in the search. the bad news is YouTube's content moderating is still lax enough that any dumbass can try and content-farm kids with whatever is recently popular, so a small handful of Hazbin-related videos like piano tutorials and silly crafts of the characters can be uploaded and labeled as "for kids" by those people. bc it's "just an innocent piano tutorial!" "just an innocent craft!"

but of course most of the "kids" we see in the fandom getting yelled at are generally 13-16 and up, just including the above for full context.

all-in-all i'm not trying to say that not age-restricting the pilot or Addict is some predatory action taken by viv, but to me it was/is a very poor ignorant or oblivious decision.

yes kids will always seek out content that isn't for them, but imo that's *why* the bear minimum is age-restricting and making it *clear* it's not for kids. it's for your own protection too.

if you put all the barriers up and kids still jump over them people can easily see it wasn't your fault. same goes for when construction sites or dangerous hills have warnings so they're not at fault if someone ignores the warnings and gets hurt.

but if those construction sites, hills, or videos made "for adults" don't have those warnings loud and clear, you're gonna get faulted, and you're gonna get kids running around even *more* confident that they belong there bc they were barely warned that they don't.

Thank you for laying it all out like this. This illustrates exactly what the problem is.

[ribboned-spinal-cord]

Barely three hours after the third episode aired and I already got into a tousle, tis' the tragedies of I.

TW For : Ribbun, Name Calling, an Abundance of Swearing, mentions of Parents, Small Spoilers for Episode 3 of TADC

Disclaimer !! Before I show these screenshots, I just wanted to make it clear, they're censored for a reason !! I made this new blog for a reason !! I don't want any party involved in this situation to be found and harassed on the slim chance this post reaches an audience. I had highlighted my messages in red, excuse my clumsy censor work, my picture app didn't have an eraser.

Along with that, there were a few events that I did not get screenshots of at the time, but I will mention in this post, including my behavior and how I handled the situations end.

This entire thing started and ended in a Ribbun Discord Server owned and ran by a popular TADC fan creator on here who specializes in the aforementioned ship.

If you don't know, Ribbun is a ship between the characters Jax and Gangle of TADC, a favorite of mine and why I joined this server, invited by the person who I referred to in most of these screenshots.

This was about an hour after the third episode premiered and after rewatching it, I noticed a small dumb detail that I wanted to immediately yap to someone about. I just posted it in the general of this server and that was that.

This person didn't need to respond to my statement. They didn't even need to acknowledge me, and I would have been fine with that. Totally happy, I rarely spoke on that server anyways, but the way they approached it was so dismissive and hostile that it took me back, especially coming from someone I looked up to and before this, was actually super nice to me when they invited me to the server.

I didn't know that gooseworks had posted at all about any mistakes regarding the episode, so I wouldn't have noticed if anyone else knew about this fact, and maybe this person was tired of hearing about it or something. I've also been told that Crap isn't really a swear word, but I was raised to accept it as one.

I thought my response was clear and firm, especially compared to my other messages, where I aided in the snowballing effect to some degree. The way they responded made me feel uncomfortable at the best I can describe it. I think some people would call me triggered, if that's the right terminology?

I know they were being sarcastic in their apology, and I think my snarky response about "not forgiving them" only fueled the flames. I should have been using tone indicators this entire time to show that I was just trying to match the energy, but it seemed however I responded set them off, even if I ignored them entirely, they still tried to text me after I unfollowed and blocked them.

We went back and forth for a little bit, me being generally dismissive and giving half hearted replies as they continued to cuss me out, calling me things like "a little bitch" and threatening to knock my teeth in "so bad I'll have to go to the dentist" or something like that, but I'm probably misquoting them word for word. It only became worse after I made a "your mom" joke.

From what I can tell, the mention of their mom or any parental figure set them off, I don't know the details of why this is or what they were going through, so I apologized immediately after.

My screenshot cuts it off, but to summarize, I tried to sympathize and told them I didn't know what they were going through and genuinely didn't know anything about their home life or parents, and if I did, I wouldn't have mentioned them at all, especially in a joke like that. I probably mentioned this before, but I barely know this person, besides what they post here on Tumblr, but they were someone I looked up to and admired for their art, so it felt crushing that they acted this way so comfortably and without consequence.

Nobody besides someone in the first screenshot came to my defense, so most likely I'm in the wrong and just stupid with a closed perspective, or everyone was used to this behavior and accepted it as the norm. I suspect the latter, because later about five other people began to dog on me, and since they all had matching names, one could surmise that they were the friends of this individual. That, or parasocial fans.

I was going to leave the server because this person gave me two strikes??? (I didn't know there was a striking system in place and at the time I didn't know they owned the server, because yikes-), first one due to mentioning their mom, second because as soon as I begun to ignore them, they thought I was messing with them.

This is the part where I stopped taking screenshots, which I should have done, since it involves my nasty behavior and the peak of the story, so bear with me, you'll probably see screenshots if you know this person, or the messages if you were in the server yourself. Like I said, not naming the server or the participants involved. If any identities are leaked, it came from this person or their friends, and that goes to show they don't really care for anyone's safety.

I took these photos in the first place to send to a friend who I usually confided in about this sort of thing, because in the past I have been regarded as a push over and couldn't tell if someone's intentions were hostile, and they had an unbiased perspective in most things. After seeing the screenshots, my friend asked to join the server, which I obliged, completely forgetting that you could only be invited by a moderator or owner on that server, which was probably implemented due to people disliking ribbun to the point of harassing these types of creators, but that's my assumption and I don't want to speak for anyone.

I put my phone down for a second right after this, and when I came back, this friend had went off on the owner of the server, and I think maybe some other people that were backing her up. I didn't know my friend would act this way, but it was completely irresponsible of me to drag them into this, it wasn't my call to make, and it makes me feel terrible that something like that happened because of me. Even if I was being cussed out and harassed, that didn't give me the right to do the same, or to have my friend act in my name.

I panicked and denied inviting them, which is like, you know, not great and also I'd argue considerably worse than inviting them in the first place, until it was mentioned there was a log of everyone who has been invited to a discord server, and who invited them. I caved like a coward because I know when I get got. Before leaving, I did say some not amazing things about this person and their friends, critiquing their behavior, etc. While everyone clowned on me. I was surprised I wasn't kicked by anyone at this point, because that threat was going on for quite a bit, so I just left.

I feel a lot better knowing that although this all could have been avoided if I just ignored this person and left the server sooner, that something like this has happened before, and it will most likely happen again. I get so caught in my head I'm locked in a stasis, forgetting the obvious, that none of this matters and I'm talking to someone who lives a thousand miles away, on my little phone, in my little bedroom, in a house on an island on a planet in a galaxy in an infinitely expanding universe. Everything is simultaneously so small and so big at the same time, depending on perspective. This was stupid, that person was stupid, their lackies were stupid and I was stupid. It's very... overdramatic.

And that was that. Wanted to get it off of my chest and into the world. Toodles.

Edit :

I was just made aware that this person isn't the owner of the server, the owner messaged me and told me as such. In a later date, if this issue isn't resolved, I'll go through the post and edit it to make that clear. I thought since this person gave me two strikes within the span of 40 seconds and had a troupe egging them on, they must have held some sort of status.

[hannyoontify]

requested by anon

[15:47] 'jjun?' you called out. the door shut behind you quietly and you swiftly toed off your shoes and padded into the living room.

the lights in the living room and kitchen were turned off, the dim lights of the aquarium of junhui's pet fish being the only source of light in the dark room. after setting down your groceries in the kitchen, you wandered into the bedroom, where your boyfriend was lying in bed with his eyes (kinda) closed, just like you had suspected.

'jjunie? are you awake?' you called out again, a bit more softly this time. you didn't want to wake him up if he was asleep. jun shifted in his bed before lifting himself up to smile at you weakly.

'hey [nickname]' his voice sounded scratchy and hoarse and his eyes were bloodshot. 'i thought you got off work at 8 today'

you nodded. 'i said i had an emergency and seokmin let me go early'

jun winced as he tried to hitch himself higher up in the bed and you reached over to help. 'you didn't have to.. this isn't an emergency'

'my boyfriend is currently bedridden because he's sick. in my book, this classifies as an emergency' you smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. his skin was hot under your lips but you chose to ignore it, for now. 'how are you feeling?'

'better than earlier. my headache's almost gone and it doesn't feel like my throat's full of thorns whenever i swallow, but i could be better' jun nodded and motioned towards the empty mug on his nightstand. 'i made some of that honey lemon tea you made me last time, i think it helped'

you sighed. 'that's good. did you take any medicine?'

your boyfriend nodded.

'good. i'll be right back' you pressed a chaste kiss on his lips and before jun can protest and say that you'll also get sick, you had already left the room.

after changing out of your work clothes and putting on one of jun's old practice shirts and sweatpants, you made some more honey lemon tea. you learned from joshua that it was the best remedy for sore throats, so you've been using it religiously whenever you got sick. when you came back, jun had made himself comfortable in bed again, nearly drowning under his duvet.

'hey stranger' you said, setting down the piping hot mug of tea. 'i made you some more tea. i'm gonna go refill your water bottle'

jun watched you silently. he admired the way his shirt hung over your shoulders and how your lips jutted out into a small pout as you concentrated on trying to fix his super older thermometer. he watched the way stray strands of hair covered your forehead and eyes, causing you to squint as you bustled back and forth between the living room and his bedroom.

when jun texted you just an hour ago, telling you that he felt sick and wanted to see you, he didn't think you would drop everything and come to him right away. he meant like, after you got off work, but no, you insisted on coming right away. not that he minded, he liked being with you.

'why are you staring at me like that?' you asked in a teasing voice. jun snapped out of his little trance and gave you a small smile.

'nothing, just wondering what country i saved in my past life to have you in my life' he said in an equally taunting tone. you snorted and jokingly rolled your eyes with a small shake of your head as you replaced his empty tissue box with a new one.

jun watched you climb into his bed and slip under the covers. he shivered when he felt your cool skin lightly graze against his and cuddled up next to you, happy to be in close proximity with you.

he rested his head on your outstretched arm and wrapped his own around your torso and pulled you closer to him. you ran one hand through his hair, playing with the soft strands and the other hand curated a cold compress out of nowhere and pressed it against his hot forehead.

your boyfriend jumped a little at the sudden contact and made a small noise, complaining that it was cold. you apologized with a small laugh before whispering sweet nothings as your hand smoothed out his hair, stroking and caressing the soft tendrils.

jun felt himself drifting in and out of sleep, his eyelids feeling more and more heavy by the second. the warmth of your body and your soft touches combined with your low, quiet voice was lulling him into sleep.

'are you tired, my love?' you asked quietly. you could tell he was falling asleep by how his arms wrapped around you were going limp and his breaths were much more even and slow.

jun mumbled something incoherent and you smiled.

'go to sleep, jjun. i'll be here when i wake up'

'thank.. y.. you.... i mm-hnhlove you. '

you felt the smile on your face grow. 'i love you too, wen junhui.'

reblogs and feedback is always appreciated ^-^

[rd0265667]

Sullyoon x Reader: I belong with you

A/N: I swear this is not a sequel to Tingles, they're still happy there, also, req from a Swiftie I would assume

Permanent Taglist: @cwpiqwon@justme-idle

"Rei, it was just a joke, it's really not that serious...I was just teasing..." You tried in vain to talk into the phone, before hearing only the dial tone

Despair soon took over as you groaned, rolling your eyes at your girlfriends antics and turning your phone off in a huff. Why did things always have to be so serious with her? Turning to your window, you saw your neighbour Sullyoon scribbling something on a piece of paper, a form of contact the two of you had long shared.

You ok?

It was nice to know someone cared. With a small smile on your face, you sat on your bed, taking out a piece of paper and writing a response

Tired of Drama

You flashed the paper with a sad shrug, as Sullyoon wore a small smile on her face too

Sorry :(

Once again, you shrugged, You and Rei had been dating for ages now, but it never seemed two sided, something was always up. Shaking off the thoughts, you saw your phone light up, a text message from your coach about the game coming up on the next day. Not wanting to be distracted, you quickly closed your blinds, joining the video call with your team

An hour later, you stretched, back sore and head aching from the discussion. With your earbuds now off, you could now hear some music blasting from the house next door. Sullyoon's house. Interest piqued, you walked over, lightly shifting the blinds out of the way, laughing lightly as you saw Sullyoon jamming out to some music, dancing in her room, hair mic in hand as she moved about. This was a side of Sullyoon not many saw, even you. In school, Sullyoon was the quiet student, top of the rankings academically, but always out of the spotlight, by her own volition. So it was rare to see her Sullyoon so carefree, having fun. Regardless, it lifted your spirits to see Sullyoon having fun, and the fact that she was an excellent dancer didn't hurt either. The gravity of what you were doing finally hit you, feeling a little creepy(for real, why was this shown like a romantic thing in the MV, it's a little creepy isn't it), taking one last glance to admire Sullyoon's dancing before closing your blinds.

"Front Door. 9AM. I'll drop you off at school." Was all your girlfriend had sent to you after ignoring you the whole night. With a sigh, you quickly dressed up, grabbing a pair of worn out jeans together with a plain white shirt, walking to the bench in front of your house, seeing Sullyoon with her nose buried in a book.

"Hey Yoona!" You called out, her birth name revealed to you after one of your lengthy conversations from school once when Rei was out drinking with her buddies. "Hey." Was all Sullyoon said back, never one for many words. Unbeknownst to you, her blush and her heart vigorously thumping was not helping things. "Your hair's a mess Sullyoon, Jeez." You jokingly commented as you reached over to her, isolating a few rogue strands of hair, tucking it behind her hair. "Thanks." Sullyoon replied, turning her head to hide her blush "So how's the preparation for the big game?" Sullyoon asked, a smile on her face as she saw you light up, you beginning your long ramble as you talked about how important this game was to your team, all the while Sullyoon's eyes never left your face, her doe eyes seemingly turning to crescents as she looked at you, seemingly imagining her future with you. "Sorry about that, I got carried away, it's just easy to talk with you. I don't really get to do this with..." You sheepishly scratched your head, trailing off and hoping Sullyoon had missed what you had said, but you turned to see her concerned face "Is everything okay?" Concern laced on her voice as she patted you on the shoulder "Yeh, everything's fine, don't worry about it." Sullyoon wanted to believe you. She really did. But she couldn't help but notice how your smile dropped a little when Rei pulled up in front of the two of you in her car. "I'll see you at the game later Yoona." You said with an obviously forced smile, turning to see Rei glaring at Sullyoon. Though you were confused at what was going on, you entered the car, seeing Sullyoon timidly waving goodbye to you, but you were quickly pulled into a kiss by Rei. Not only was the timing weird, it wasn't what a kiss should feel like. You always thought these romantic kisses should have been light, gentle, a kiss that held all the love and care the other person had for you, but this wasn't it. Rei's kiss was rough, dispassionate, heartless even, a kiss to mark her territory more than express her love. After the kiss, Rei shoved you back on your seat, shooting Sullyoon one last dirty glance before driving off. "What was that?" You asked, still unsure on where you stood after the argument last night "Nothing, just don't like the sight of that girl." Rei groaned, rolling her eyes. "Yoona's a good person Rei, if you'd spend some time with her you'd see that." You tried to convince Rei, Sullyoon always had a way of making you cheer up after a tough day, in a way Rei never could, even if she bothered to help. "Ugh, whatever, y'know what, if you're just going to spend the whole ride fawning over her, just fuck off, I don't want to see your face." Rei said, pulling over as she shoved you "Rei, we're in the middle of a highway, can you ju-" "Out." She rolled her eyes once again, staring at you till you sighed, getting out of the car. She quickly drove off, not sparing you a second glance. Guess a walk to the school isn't too bad 

Once you finally got to the school, your shirt was drenched, legs slightly sore. Once you got into your locker room, you plopped onto your chair, trying to rest a little, before noticing your friend and Power Forward Hyejin walked to you, tossing you a box. "What's this?" You asked, peeking into the box to see some of your favourite snacks, a drink and a 4 leaf Clover. "Oh, some girl came to the locker room looking for you. You weren't here so she told me to hand it to you."  "Was it Rei?"  "No, it was that other girl that kinda looks similar. I think her name is Sullyoon?" Hyejin said, you nodded in acknowledgment as you dapped him up, before looking into the bag. "Of course it was her." Digging further into the bag, you found a small scrap of paper on the underside of the clover "All the best for the game later. You're gonna do great!" Smiling, you took the 4 leaf clover into your hand, holding it to your chest before looping the chain around the clover, setting it in your pocket, running out to the court. On the way to the court, you could see Rei with her cheerleader friends, warming up for the game, you tried to wave to her but once again, she didn't spare you a glance. Lost in the crowd, you could see Sullyoon too, sitting with the band, and she waved enthusiastically as she spotted you running out of the tunnel, an action you reciprocated, before pulling the clover out of your pocket, showing her that you had gotten the gift, before shooting her a heart with your hand. 

It was a tough fought game, that went back and forth and back and forth. The opponents blitzed your defence, overwhelming your team's defence, but the game was buoyed by you and Hyejin's one-two punch. After a long game, it all boiled down to the last possession, both teams all tied up with 5 seconds left, ball in your hand. As you made a drive to the basket, somewhat open thanks to a solid screen by Hyejin, you elevated for a shot, only to be fouled by the opposing center, sending you to the free throw line, two chances to ice the game.

Walking up to the free throw line, you took a deep breath, trying your best to drown the hecklers out, doing your free throw ritual before shooting the free throw. Clank. Your head sunk as your teammates came to you, high fiving you and reassuring you that you could make the next one. But the pressure was mounting, the crowd getting louder and louder. In the middle of the madness though, you could hear one voice through the noise. It was Sullyoon, her voice was not loud but it cut through the chatter, cheering you on. Closing your eye, you took a deep breath, before shooting the next free throw. Swish.

The next moments were surreal, the crowd bursting into either ecstasy or despair, your teammates and bench charging you as they celebrated, lifting you up and throwing you up in the air as you celebrated. Once the crowd had let you down, you ran to find Rei, hoping to celebrate the moment with her, only to find her with her tongue jammed down some random person's throat. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" You yelled out, Rei turning around as she looked at you with disdain. "Oh please, you had to know you were just another body for me, run along now." She snidely commented, as you clenched your fist "Whatever Naoi." You grumbled, storming off. Unbeknownst to you, amidst the chaos of the celebration, someone had witnessed what had just gone on. And she was pissed.

Running to the empty locker room, you sat at the bench, an empty feeling overcoming you. You should have known that Rei was just using you, but she had seemed so sweet, so perfect, before it all went downhill. You should have known. Hearing footsteps, you looked up. "Hyejin, can I be alone for a little?" "It's me Y/N." Sullyoon's voice rang out from the door, as she took a seat beside you. "You saw what happened didn't you?" You asked, feeling your tears welling up at the betrayal you had just witnessed, Sullyoon wordlessly nodding. "I thought we could work." You muttered, before feeling Sullyoon's hands on your back, patting you in an attempt to calm down. "Do you want me to go and get you anything? Something to drink?" Sullyoon offered, before freezing up, feeling your head resting on her shoulder. "Could you stay here? Just for awhile?" You lightly whispered. Mustering all the courage she could, Sullyoon turned slightly to you, letting her body sink a little to allow your head to rest more comfortably, her hand lightly comforting your cheek as she felt your breath slow down

Months had passed since that day, news of your breakup with Rei spread like wildfire, though the exact circumstances were not disclosed, most thinking the two of you had just parted ways. In that month, you had slowly gotten closer to Sullyoon, though not sharing classes together, you'd spend time taking the bus home together, as well as continuing your little window chats. In these few months, you were enlightened. After feeling what you did for Sullyoon, you realised that what you had with Rei wasn't love, love was two sided, and though you doubted Sullyoon loved or even liked you, you somehow felt more love from her than you ever did from Rei. Today was a special day, prom. Dressing up for prom, you looked through the Window, seeing Sullyoon laying on her bed, reading through some textbooks as she turned to you, smiling as she waved. Grabbing a piece of paper, you scribbled

You going tonight?, a small hopeful smile on your face

no, studying Sullyoon had an apologetic face as she shrugged

"Wish you were going!" You wrote back, a sad smile on your face as Sullyoon giggled, seeing you turn and walk to the door.

Looking through her books and stacks of paper, Sullyoon found a note she had wrote ages ago, a feeling that she still had after all this time.

Prom was pretty lifeless for you. You had fun, yeah, talking to your teammates and their dates, but it all felt empty. You had always dreamt of being at prom with someone dear to you, and now that you were here, all alone, it all rang hollow on your own. As fate would have it though, you weren't doomed to spend the night alone. As if the world had suddenly gone silent, and the lights in the party hall dimmed, only one spotlight remained, your gaze turning to see Sullyoon, dressed in a beautiful white dress, walking through the floral arch. In that moment, nothing else seemed to matter, your eyes only stayed glued onto the angel who had just descended from heaven, walking towards you as the crowd parted away, all in awe at the new side of the girl who they had perceived as a one dimensional nerd. Your jaw dropped, but it soon morphed into a smile, the two of you sharing a smile as you walked towards her.  Suddenly though, you felt an arm grab your shoulder, Rei in her red dress walking to you as she clung to your shoulder, trying to talk about some nonsense, but none of that mattered, as you quickly brushed her off your arm, continuing your walk toward Sullyoon.

The two of you stood parallel to each other, smile never leaving your face, as Sullyoon took a piece of paper out of her pocket

I love you

Smiling at Sullyoon, you reached into your jacket pocket, pulling out a similar piece of paper

I love you

Both of you lightly giggled at your shared actions, and following Sullyoon's gaze to your lips, the two of you approached, sharing a gentle and beautiful kiss

And that's all she(or I guess I) wrote

[namandabu]

Dharma Listening

One of the most important lessons I have learned from my experience of the Jodo Shinshu tradition is how to listen to the Dharma. I am utterly incapable of doing it properly, however. Still, when I have gleaned insight from it, it is because I could, for even a moment, truly hear what the words of the Dharma are saying.

When we read books, we are not just reading words off a page. We are conceptualizing the meanings of those words in their context on the page through our own lens. We never just read a book. We derive meaning from it by bringing our own biases to the reading.

This isn't always a bad thing. In fact, many creative authors rely on this to subvert the reader, creating an amazing story by tricking us into believing one meaning while communicating another. Authors also grapple with this problem of bringing our biases, and they become skilled at writing according to their audiences in order to facilitate a change of mind in the reader. Such twists and turns are what make reading, as well as other forms of media, fun and intellectually stimulating.

Authors who teach the Dharma must grapple with the same tendencies. And it is often difficult for new readers (like myself) to fully internalize what the author is saying because we either don't understand or don't *want* to understand what they are saying. There have been many times when I read a piece about Buddhism and simply ignored or discarded a line that doesn't suit my sensibilities. An example from Rennyo: "The mind/that even once/relies on Amida: that mind/is in accord/with the true Dharma."

This verse is from Rennyo Shonin's letters (Letter 4, Fascicle 4). It is truly a mind-boggling statement. The idea that such high attainment (being in accord with the true Dharma) is so easy (relying on Amida for a single moment) is hard to believe on its own. Yet it is at the core of Jodo Shinshu: With the one thought-moment of reliance, we are immediately saved by Amida from birth and death and are certain to be reborn in the Pure Land. So why is it so hard to believe?

When I read that line initially, I thought of...laziness. I thought of how such a view is lazy. Surely, this is a teaching for people who do not want to put in the work necessary for enlightenment, I thought to myself. And when I read it now, those thoughts still come up! However, they are also accompanied by a small joy that I have not experienced before. Even though my mind tries to scream and cry to drown the words out, I still "hear" them.

These thoughts come from a mindset that I brought to the text when reading it. In my life, people who don't want to work have been called lazy time and time again. I myself have done this, and I have also been called lazy myself. Growing up, this dichotomy of "lazy" versus "determined" was drilled into me from the cultural norm known as the "protestant work ethic." This is the attachment of value to hard work, especially concerning one's job. American folklore is filled with examples of this, from John Henry and Paul Bunyan to the myth of the self-made millionaire or billionaire in the modern day. But this is antithetical to what Rennyo is saying here, as well as other Jodo Shinshu writers going all the way back to Shinran.

Hearing these lines now, I must confess that I still struggle with this conflicting set of views. But I know that they are true. After all, the goal of a Buddha is to make others like themself: free from attachment and affliction and able to act with perfect wisdom and compassion. The best way to do that is to make a path that is so easy that anyone, regardless of capacity, could complete it. Hence, Amida realized the name and forged his vows to create this easy path.

In my mind, I'm immediately skeptical of shortcuts. And while the Jodo Shinshu path is still difficult in some ways, it is certainly easier. But here, the Buddha is saying, "Come on! I made this shortcut for you! Trust me, and you'll reach the other shore!" And I have to blame only myself and my preconceived biases for being hesitant.

Listening to the Dharma as someone new to Buddhism requires us to put aside our own views as best we can and open our minds to a new way of thinking about the world. Even if we disagree with what it is saying, we will only get the message if we can listen with an open mind. If we project our ideas onto the Dharma, we will just be reading a copy of our own thoughts. It is difficult, however, to put one's ideas aside and listen to something new with an open mind. After all, if detaching from our erroneous views were easy, then there would be no need for the many paths of Buddhism. Therefore, We should be thankful for authors who speak on the Dharma in ways that are designed to bring us to a new mode of thought from our current condition or in a way that is so plain and direct that misinterpretation becomes nearly impossible. I have found that many Jodo Shinshu figures, like Rennyo, Yuien-bo, and Shinran, fall within the latter category. As a result of reading them repeatedly, the walls of my own views are broken down by their straightforward words, which are easy to understand and digest. I cannot help but come to understand them, even when I am at the same time entrenched in my own views. This example is just one concept in Jodo Shinshu that is difficult to internalize, but I am happy to say that, little by little, I'm starting to get it.

[titichan]

The Taste of Betrayal

Chapter- 4

Tags: Vampire!Au, Vampire-Hunter dynamics, Bottom!Yuuji, Top!Gojo, Top!Sukuna, Threesome, M/M/M, Sex toys, Bondage, Slight bdsm, Rough sex, A little bit of gore, porn with Plot, Slight mentions of Meimei and Nanami, Author is Sukuna's bitch, Other tags will be added as I commence

Itadori was submerged in doing whatever work was assigned to him, when a sudden 'ping' of his phone snapped him back.  

It was Meimei 

 -Meimei 

'Hey, Yujii-kun. Got a minute?' 

That perked up Itadori's curiosity. Why was she texting him so suddenly? Unless it's some big news... 

-Yujii 

'Yeah? I am at work, so be quick' 

-Meimei 

'Right, soo- I received an invitation of Rivera's grand party like you know. But this is the official one and THE golden chance- where you can get closer to the mafia boss "Sukuna Ryomen". You can also find the host- the CEO I mean. But that's not the main point, yk' 

That message filled his mind with questions. Thousands of questions. Still, he somehow managed to type a simple message- excluding all the necessary details. 

-Yujii 

'I see...When will it be held?' 

-Meimei 

'Today, 8 pm. Did you forget? LOL. Anyways, you better get off from work fast.  

-Yujii 

'Ok. Thanks for telling me.' 

He put down his phone slowly, a train of thoughts trailing his mind. However, he tried to get back to work anyway. 

- 

It was almost 8. 

The pink-haired had decided not to wear the wig, just in case. But what bothered him the most was, the extravagant suit Meimei forced him to wear. Although he wasn't a fan of such kind of 'elegant-grandiose' fashion, he had to wear it anyway.  

- 

It was loud. Like, ear-damaging loud. The noisy atmosphere didn't quite well suit the hunter. He looked around and inspected each and every corner of the grand and luxurious hotel. Many celebrities had gathered over there, all laughing and chattering.  

He cautiously moved towards the bar counter, his eyes searching for the Mafia boss. No avail. 

As he sat down near the counter, a blonde lady- pretty much in a revealing red dress came near him. 

"Oh my, what a cutie you are~" She smirked at him, her red lips tugging to form a seductive grin. 

Yujii deliberately ignored her, still looking here and there. 

"Aww~ cutie boy isn't interested? How sad..." She faked a pout. An annoying one indeed.   

She waved her hand, signalling the bartender. 

"Two glasses of whiskey, please" 

On hearing that, Yujii finally glanced at her- his eyes widened in awe.  

He seemed to notice that she was practically clinging onto him, which made him quite uncomfortable.  

In the meantime, the bartender had put down two crystalline glasses filled with whiskey to the brim.  

Yujii, nevertheless, was a light drinker. For, just finishing off only one glass had made him tipsy.  

He groaned, face having a reddened complexion, as he pressed his forehead against his palm. 

"Ugh...I guess...I drank too much..." 

He muttered slightly. 

But he suddenly felt like taking another one. And as the time passed, he was already drinking the seventh glass of whiskey. 

Already in a drunken state, he somehow struggled to hold the glass. 

 When, out of a sudden, the glass got knocked off and the entire contents spilled, spoiling the shirt of a certain somebody... 

He looked at the person, blinking cluelessly.  

Yujii could feel that he was going to faint any moment, not to mention, he did have a headache. 

Just as his eyes were about to close, he caught a glimpse of tattoos on the arm of the person. 

"...that looks familiar..."He mumbled.  

His big hands caught Yujii by the small of his back. The tattooed man towered over the pink-haired, pissed off. 

People stared at them, exchanging scared glances. Some started to whisper.  

Holding Yujii by his arm, he glared knives at the people. On seeing him like that, the critiques hastily shuffled away. 

"Mmph...you...let go of me..." 

 Yujii's faint struggles against Sukuna's sturdy grip made the black-haired man shift his gaze towards the drunken and whimpering man, whose shoulder he had been gripping on to for so long. 

He looked at him, loosening his grip in his shoulder. A sudden sly smirk tugged the corner of his lips. 

But that didn't quite conceal his annoyance on the fact that his favourite shirt got spoiled. 

The pink-haired somehow opened his eyes, wobbling as Sukuna had let his grip loose. 

Yujii stared at him, dazed. As both of their eyes locked, Sukuna prompted in a dangerously low voice.  

"You drunk twerp; do you know what you've done? You just spoiled my shirt. Now you'll have to pay for it." 

Yujii couldn't think clearly or understand what the bigger man was saying. 

"I... I'll still pay you..." He mumbled slightly. 

On hearing his meek response, Sukuna chuckled. "And you think- you can pay? And how would you do that?" 

The pink-haired clung to the coat of the tattooed man, as he looked up at him. 

"I'll...pay..you with my...body..." 

And that reply was enough to send electric sparks throughout the vampire's body. His grip on the hunter tightened, as his pupils changed into ruby red from black. 

He sighed. "Haah...you're playing with fire..." But as his vampiric eyes settled on the hunter, he was already unconscious. 

Lifting him up in bridal style, he walked towards the elevator. Looking at the unconscious person in his arms, he muttered, 

 "Today's gonna be a long night..." 

[inevitableinfinity]

post-timeskip | light angst w/ happy end | 800 words | originally posted here

-

Tobio doesn't mean to send the text. He types it up and goes to save it to his drafts as he always does when his phone vibrates with a notification, his finger slips, and the message disappears in a whoosh.

Sent.

To Oikawa

His heart drops to his stomach. He should probably send something as a follow-up, a "just kidding" or "you can ignore that" or "Hinata dared me".

He doesn't, unable to move until long after the acceptable window of time to do so has closed. And, instead, he stares at the single bubble, wondering if Oikawa will see the text, hoping that he will, and hoping even more fervently that he won't.

After all, what good would it do either way? There's a reason Tobio has drafts upon drafts of unsent messages to Oikawa: because they're useless. Nothing would change even if he did have the nerve to send them.

He chucks his phone somewhere and tries to forget the whole ordeal. Really, what's most likely to come out of this is Oikawa bringing it up and mocking him for it the next time they see each other.

A notification from Oikawa appears a couple of days later: a cryptic and annoying message, an address. Also, it arrives around 12 in the damn morning.

It's followed by a string of texts with just a single arrow pointing back to the original.

Tobio has half a mind to ignore them, but the texts don't stop and, eventually, he just replies with "fine" and throws on a hoodie and a pair of sneakers before heading out.

Why Oikawa would send him to some random place in the middle of the night, Tobio doesn't know. A more sensible person might consider it sketchy (dangerous, even), but Tobio is too tired to feel anything other than irritated.

He finds himself at a metro station. While there are a few people who have presumably just exited hurrying to some destination at this late hour, nothing really stands out to him. He sends "I'm here" to a suspiciously quiet Oikawa and raises his phone to snap a photo as proof.

It's hard to get a good shot at night and it takes a few seconds for the camera to focus. As it does, he notices a figure on the screen making a beeline for him. He lowers his phone as the person stops just a few meters away.

"Hi." The moon paints Oikawa in her silvery glow, softening him to the point of ethereal, and Tobio has to rub his eyes to make sure he's seeing correctly.

Oikawa Tooru.

In Italy.

"What...what are you...?" Tobio stammers. "Why?"

Oikawa stares at him like he's an idiot. "You said you missed me."

"I didn't—" Tobio starts to protest, but Oikawa holds up his phone. Even from afar, Tobio knows what it is: the accidental text, the simplest of confessions—more a concession on his part—the words he always thinks and never sends.

"You're so embarrassing, honestly, texting me this while I'm in the middle of a match and then pretending like nothing happen—"

He's already stopped listening as he closes the distance between them and wraps Oikawa in a hug. "You're here," breathes Tobio, squeezing so tightly that Oikawa makes a small, annoyed sound. "Why are you here?"

"Well..." Oikawa's nose is cold as it presses against Tobio's neck. "If my uselessly adorable boyfriend misses me, who am I to deny him?"

Tobio flushes, embarrassed, but not enough to let go. "I didn't mean—"

"You didn't mean it?"

"I did!" Tobio snaps and then takes a breath, trying to soften his tone. "I just didn't think you'd...want to know. Or do anything about it."

"I mean, I certainly can't drop everything every time you miss me," Oikawa says and Tobio nods. He knows that. Missing is a constant, a given, and so he doesn't bother sending the sentiment—voicing those feelings just makes things worse for both of them, words lingering in some nebulous in-between where they ache and expand from lack of resolution. "But once in a while isn't...impossible."

"Why did you come this time, though?" There's a tournament a month away, which is a long time but also not the longest time they've gone without seeing each other.

It takes Oikawa a minute or two to respond, silently tracing spirals on Tobio's back. "I suppose...I missed you too," his boyfriend whispers before clearing his throat and clarifying loudly, "Just a little, though! Don't get cocky."

"I won't," Tobio lies because it's too late for that.

After all, Oikawa had seen Tobio's silly text and immediately flown halfway across the world for him. How could he not feel smug about that?

[weebsinstash]

I’ve actually always wondered about the jealous worker thing like image we as readers still try to make the best of everything and try to hang out and make new friends but the rest of the workers just either don’t wanna hang out since their already mad or just don’t like reader because of the same reason and readers over here depressed about havin no friends and Val’s ass is like “it’s ok baby cakes, I’ll be your friend :>” 😏😮‍💨

The idea of like, Valentino having a spare old set that isn't being used at the porn studio that he rents to you as a room, is already enough of a stretch right, but sometimes I sit and think like, how extremely unsafe that is for so many reasons. You have to go elsewhere to eat or bathe, locking up your room with a spare key (and of course Valentino also has a key and will let himself in whenever he pleases), and sometimes I think about like, how maliciously bullied you could be

You step out of your room as Val texts you to run him and get him some food, and you're literally walking in the door with it when someone deliberately trips you and makes you drop it all. Oh, you just got some new clothes after wearing hand me downs for ages to save money? Whoops, a coworker of yours 'accidentally' crashes into you and spills drinks all over you. A particular possessive dancer doesn't like how Valentino complimented your makeup? You return from running errands to your room broken into, trashed, LOOTED

Like imagine if Valentino had some sort of gift placed into your room, unwrapped, and when he sees that you haven't seen it, he accompanies you to go see what you've got, and you both walk in on your room either straight up trashed and his gifts ruined, or the thieves still in there and playing around with whatever he's gotten you (probably some sort of makeup or jewelry) and of course he intervenes then, because they're wasting his money

I can also imagine like, he isn't being 100% fake about it, but Valentino absolutely uses the fact he has tons of power (both as am Overlord and as your boss) to seem like the gracious savior to your sorry state. Oh, you tearfully tell him you're going to be late on rent? Oh, no problem doll, you've been so good at being on time that he can let it slide just this once. Oh, you were robbed on your way to bring him rent? Take a lil trip outside to ride around in the limo with him and point the punk out. A customer at the strip club groped you? Everyone else is told to put up with it, but anyone who does it to you is given a warning first and a bullet second

Like he absolutely knows how to manipulate and mindfuck people. Poor Reader is so scared and alone and needing support and he's in the position to make your life significantly easier. Can you imagine if you've worked for him a few months and you kind of comment that you don't have much money for anything besides rent, and he tells you, you know what, why doesn't he bump that number down, since you've proven yourself to be so nice and trustworthy and you've also been such a good little groupie for him? Like just like that? And sure, the reality is he was privately overcharging you what the room was worth anyways, but it doesn't change the absolute relief you feel. He starts being nice to you and you fall into the trap of "well, yeah sure he's a pimp, but, I never see any of that, and he's nice to me, and I have to take what I can get"

I'm still an absolute fiend for the idea of "customer really scares the shit out of you and maybe even tries to hurt you and Val uses the moment to his advantage". Like since you just wait on a small area of people, mostly exclusively Valentino, maybe you have a lot of free time or do other tasks, so imagine someone tells you to take the trash out, ignoring your protests that going out by yourself isn't really safe, and sure enough, a customer who's been coming on to you is waiting outside and you just barely get away from him after he tries to grab you. Another shift, and he's in the club, waiting for you by the bathrooms. This guy is stalking you, telling you to stop playing hard to get, maybe he even grabs you so hard he leaves a bruise. And you don't tell Val because you've heard certain other stories about, "well if you aren't one of his favorites, he doesn't care as long as you can keep making money" so there you are, pouring Valentino another refill and he turns his head when he sees your hands are just SHAKING, and he reaches out to tilt your chin up and ask, "what happened?" and you start to smile and act like it's fine but you just burst into tears because this guy is literally threatening shit like fucking you with a knife, and you roll up your sleeve to show the Overlord the big dark bruise where you were grabbed

Like you've been trying to keep to yourself and really not even talk to Val because you know he's still pretty scary and he knows you as this kind of shy quiet little cutie he has t had the time to start giving his full attention to and now you're just big boo hoo blubbering tears, "I'm really scared Mister Valentino"

And to top off the favorite part of the idea, obviously I can see this scenario happening a few different ways, but imagine after you breakdown and tell Val a few details, you just run off because you're crying and feeling humiliated and you're thinking he doesn't care so you just feel stupid and weak, and THIS is when your stalker appears again, and Val rocks up with that hot pink gun of his when he decides, "hey my lil shorty has been gone too long" and he walks in on this guy trying to rip your clothes off, strangle you, or both. And of course you run up to the Overlord just trembling and clutching at him and hiding behind him because he's huge and scary and of course, Valentino certainly doesn't mind how you're clinging to him. And before you know it, he's got you sitting next to him on his sofa, sidled right up besides him, you being very much EAGER to cuddle with him like this since you know, or at least terrified enough to be convinced, that no one is going to bother you while you're with the Overlord.

And of course, it's a week later, and he still wants you to cuddle up to him again, and again, and again, and eventually you realize, "oh wait, he's no longer actually giving me a choice in the matter, I'm just straight up like his new girlfriend" and by that point he's already making plans to get you all fixed up at the salon with him and take you to his stylist to get you a little red jacket like what he has Angel wear sometimes and, you know just #possessivepimpthings where he officially begins to transition you into his propery

Tbh I'm starting to become like obsessed with the idea of him quite literally taking you everywhere to the point its virtually 24/7 and you're living in his house and sleeping in his bed and BATHING WITH HIM because he's treating you like a partner/pet and controls every aspect of your life down to the shampoo you use and your skincare routine, but that's a story for another time 👀

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I go into my winter hibernation, stocked up for 6-8 months. As usual.

I drop off tumblr because mentions of some virus happening again get too triggering. I didn't consciously make the decision to log off, it just happened.

This is going to sound made up but hear me out.

I spend my winter hearing weird noises but relieved when my neighbours stop blowing shit up at night over my window and stop running the water on me. Stop making smoke and smells that come down through my ceiling. I think they moved out. I saw trucks and bags and boxes.

I do not immediately notice when the garbage and recycling stop coming by because I only put out a small bag and it's probably dragged off by animals by the next week. The recycling schedule being this fucked seems a bit odd, but it seems to be happening to everyone.

It's weird how many wild dogs and such are happening by my camera, but it's happened before. It isn't totally new and this winter is kind of harsh.

I text my neighbour who likes to check on me but they don't reply.

I come out in spring.

Where are all the people at.

There's environmental story telling all over with some bodies. They seem to congregate where I know snow banks build up in winter. Interesting. Unsettling.

There are bite marks on the bodies.

They all look human.

The bite marks do.

I keep expecting somehow, to see zombies -as if that's not insane- but everyone who's still out is quite too rotted to move and has been thawed long enough to no longer be contagious.

Grocery store is abandoned.

Walmart is too but I go through their hunting section for unexpected supplies.

I take a new batch of supplies home without paying. Fuck it.

I log back online. I message my online friends. It's normal for me to vanish for a month or more at a time, but they were worried this time even knowing me. They are relieved I am not dead. again.

Apparently, there was a zombie apocalypse?

I make sure I have appropriate armour in addition to the weapons in case there's a pocket of surviving zombies anywhere but the experts say that the virus has pretty much burned itself out and there hasn't been new infected in at least two months.

I still install a metal grate on the inside of my windows.

I am still getting my cheques because they are automatic.

I can't reach my landlord at all so I stop paying rent.

I try to get in contact with other survivors and start making plans for how to deal with bodies and etc once enough time has passed that it's 100% safe, but what's left of the CDC is already putting together teams to recover bodies and remove them, and the only reason why some were left here was on account of the snow. I never got very far anyway, because no one I tried to reach out to offline answered me.

I still haven't heard from my family. Not since I ignored the first text. But in my defense, all the text said was "so are you alive?" which is also what my mother last texted me a week or two after I had asked her to check on me daily while I was suffering repeated heart attacks, and what my sister usually texts me to act passive aggressive about the fact that we haven't spoken in a few years because she stopped answering me after some episode of verbal abuse... So yeah, I ignored the text and when I didn't get a text on my birthday I didn't think too much of it. It seems like more passive aggressive bullshit and didn't bother saying anything useful like "hey so there are zombies now and everyone is dying and I know we agreed not to speak but are you okay?"... I check and see it's my sister who sent it, I reply now but I have no idea if there will ever be an answer.

At least tumblr has a fairly complete record of events.

Apparently, not only were there zombies, but it was caused by a new covid variant and people were as stupid about it as usual, and only started caring when people were literally turning into the walking dead... A full month or two after initial infection. So by the time there were actual zombies, most of the people who were going to be infected had already all carelessly infected each other. Not to mention the month and a half or so wasted on everyone trying to pretend the 'zombie' illness was unrelated to covid. Something about viral encephalitis causing symptoms similar to rabies and prion disease. Everyone having contact with anyone pretty much got it within the two or three months before they knew what it would cause and how untreatable it is. There were three entire people who hadn't died yet after coming down with symptoms now in special care units being filled with antivirals and whatever else. A very small handful of people who got vaccinated often enough for enough variants seemed to be immune, or resistant to small exposures. Less than one in 100 000. No word yet on if they were asymptomatic carriers now like the viruses history would seem to suggest but they've been recommended to self isolate.

The world's population was decimated within the first two or three months, again when the first zombies unexpectedly started biting and attacking people, and again when people refused to go into lockdown and kept taking stupid risks. Before the first run of one of these viruses I wouldn't have expected so many people to be this stupid, but after living in corona land for the first 5 years? Unsurprised. When I read surviving groups were convincing themselves the zombies were a government conspiracy to force vaccination? Unsurprised. When I read people took up the attitude that having previous infections would obviously make them immune? When they started trying to argue children couldn't get it, couldn't spread it? Unsurprised. When people started making the argument that the weak should perish as zombies and everyone left could rebuild? Un-fucking-surprised. Reading none of this is remotely surprising.

Really didn't work out for them this time.

I wonder how many of them wished they bothered wearing masks or putting a pause on their attempts to hook up.

I also wasn't surprised to read how many people had tried to re-congregate and rebuild a "new normal" as quickly as possible, despite being advised not to, who ended up causing new outbreaks in these little emerging communities. Anyone who's left by now has learned to stay spread out.

I didn't know anyone here anyway, save for my nosy neighbour, and apparently they'd left town. They eventually answered to say they were with someone a province away. They hadn't realized why I was asking about the garbage... That I didn't know.

How could I not know?

Me especially.

Like yes. I smelled the death, but I assumed a neighbour might have passed away, texted my landlord about it and tried to contact the police, it wasn't my place to risk my life busting into someone else's apartment to check on the smell.

And yeah I heard the noise, but like... Have you heard how rowdy people get under normal circumstances in this neighbourhood? How loudly people yell strange things at night and how often there are sirens? I just figured it was none of my business. Shots and explosions right outside my window? My upstairs neighbours have me used to that, especially late at night and in the weird hours of the morning.

The world ate itself while I spent the winter playing games, sewing, cleaning my apartment and eating olives and tuna directly from the can.

I research all the animals that were able to get other covid variants and what's happening with them. Seems like a similar story to what happened with humans, the members that got infected did, and if there were isolated populations left there was no one left alive -or almost alive- to spread it to them.

I think the people that are left will take studying this virus and vaccination against it seriously. I think we'll social distance okay and wear masks. I think we'll wipe out the virus this time for good, whatever is left of us. Whatever is left of it.

I'll have to start growing my own food again. Rationing what frozen meat I can gather up until I can set up to do some fishing and trapping. I might even hot-wire a camper or something and -able, or licensed to, drive or not- get myself set up someplace other than my apartment, some place with more room to grow food. Further into the forest.

The local radio stations are dead. The radio stations from nearby larger areas are all just giving weather updates, emergency warnings, government updates and playing whatever the hell they wanted. I should have checked the radio months ago. I didn't know and no one told me.

I go out of my way to get a ham radio -there's lots of abandoned tech around, new in the package- and start putting out a broadcast to the local area with my number to call in to so I can look for other survivors in the area. I start looking into how to maintain enough internet access to keep connected. Thankfully cell services still work and so does cellular internet.

When I am sure it's safe I figure out how to drive and start cautiously canvassing the area for any hens or livestock that have been left unattended. It doesn't really matter if I am a shit driver or half blind. I can go slow, and who am I going to hit?

I find out the new housing policy when my housing specific benefit gets cut 3 years early. If you find a house marked as unclaimed and file for it. You get it. There aren't enough people left for there to be market competition. They didn't want to encourage anyone to fight over property, if there's enough people left for that, by having no official process, but really who's going to deny someone a home now. There's hardly anyone left to go through and make sure the gas and water in each property are maintained enough to not cause system wide failures.

I would apply to periodically monitor houses in the area, and they might call me up if they run out of personnel, but I was disabled enough not to work before all of the pandemics. Instead I track down a house half way off into the woods with no gas line and a wood stove, access to a well. Internet. For now. I start looking into sourcing more serious solar power, but for now I grab up every solar garden light I can find. I don't think I can rely on their being infrastructure or local shops anymore. Not this far out. It's going to be delivery from big shipping services, or self-sufficiency.

I do register with the closest health center as a patient, in place of people having family doctors in an area this dispersed, but I don't suspect they'll be more helpful to me now than they were before. I finally concede to paying for a bank account that has a proper line of credit attached to be accepted online, and there are finally cellular internet prices that makes sense in Canada.

The time comes that I could join other people, but I don't. It wasn't safe for me before and I hardly trust it after the literal zombies. I was fine in my apartment and I'll be fine in my house.

I guess the 5-10 year plan and all the saving up really didn't impact anything?

At least I can walk down the street and to the store safely without even really -needing- the mask, anymore. There's no one left here to spread it. I still keep the mask on, and there's nothing left at the store anyway.

When the zombie apocalypse came, you were prepared. What you weren’t prepared for was how quickly it ended.

[tiikerikani]

Nobody has words for any of this (Part 1)

I'm really busy this week and this is going to be a wall of text anyway, so I'll be writing/posting this in parts.

2024 Nov 23 – Nokia Arena, Tampere

It seems like the weather is cursed to be terrible whenever I'm in Tampere for these things. Anticipating having to hang around outside all afternoon in -6ºC -ish like the silly fangirl I am, I dressed for the weather. That is, in wool and a light down jacket. This got me from i guess a bit past 2 PM to maybe around 4? I'd watched the usual suspects go inside and hang around at the bar/restaurant in the lobby??? and my toes were starting to give so I went in too.

Did my usual hovering around the usual suspects while they talked amongst themselves (and tried to share a bit about what's going on in my life but was basically ignored). Since the merch shop was already set up I bought the t-shirt. The design isn't really my flavour, but it's the kind of thing you just can't go home without. There were also posters but I decided to buy that after the show.

They started letting people in in a more organized manner at 5, because that was when people with VIP tickets could go have their dinners. One of these people jumped me from behind!! He was super excited because HE WAS ALSO WEARING THE CAPE!! FINALLY somebody else besides me!! We took selfies and he moved on.

The jeweler who made the silver pendants was on hand to make engravings on them for a small fee. For SOME REASON she remembers me from those photos (she'd shared them on her IG story)?? I had a little think and decided to get this date on it for when Senpai first noticed me.

"I can tell that it's been worn a lot," she said, noticing the patina. I've been wearing it practically whenever I leave the apartment since at least last fall when I was abroad. It's not special occasion jewelry like it might be for most other people.

The general mob was outside and would be let in at 6, so just before that the security staff went around to all the people inside and gave them the obligatory pat-down. At this time I'm already at the front of the queue to my side of the arena, the Blondes are behind me, and a newspaper photographer showed up and wanted a picture of me with the cape. (they published the photo the next day but it's paywalled.)

The Blondes got a step ahead of me when my ticket was being scanned (why does this keep happening) so they got side by side at the front of the section and I took the corner beside them.

I'm going to get ahead of myself and borrow a picture from the concert review in the newspaper (also paywalled) to show you what I mean.

I'm

there ↘

(I think you can just see the top of my head.)

Back to the timeline, while we were waiting, the Blondes couldn't identify where their friend's section was up in the seats, so I helpfully pulled up the ticket pricing diagram for them (I had saved it to my phone for reasons). I didn't have to but I'm nice like that, even if they don't engage me with any more than a "thanks".

Fanclub Founder and Regular Groupies were in the section opposite us, which for some reason filled up faster than ours. I argue that my section was better, for reasons I'll explain later.

The band had said there'd be a little surprise before the show began, and it was that Senpai had selected a few songs that he wanted to share to accompany a slideshow of photos from their book. They were:

Yo-Yo Ma & Ennio Morricone: The Ecstasy of Gold

Kent: Flen/Paris

Dolly Parton: I Will Always Love You

Wardruna: Kvitravn

I can't say I'm familiar with the foreign-language songs but I CAN say these picks have significant overlap with my taste in terms of vibe and the influences come through quite clearly in his songs.

to be continued...

[chaifootsteps]

College anon dropping in to say that the dubs aren't very good. Some, like the french one, sound like the text went through google translate (and the dubbing in general is terrible despite France having a good rep in the industry). The Italian version of Poison is low-key good tho

As for my reaction to Poison, imagine that gif of the happy yellow emoji looking traumatized/dead inside. I stared at the screen wondering what led me to watching this and how ANYONE would think this was a good scene. Vivziepop claiming that the leaks don't represent the full scene was right for once... It was so much worse. I could think of a more tasteful way to picture it in 5 seconds, it isn't that hard. She could have even kept most of the scene, just remove the graphic stuff to keep the suggestive dancing (a smart idea that should have remained subtle) and maybe keep the Val part à la Addict to show that, yeah, on top of "working" all night (because the graphic scenes made it obvious he stopped "enjoying" work early during the night), Val SA'd him and that shows the entirety of the hell he's going through. It explains why he breaks down and lashes out. Viv didn't need to keep most of the SA, the entire thing was implied.

Also episode 4 comes out of left field. Yes, it was foreshadowed since the beginning but why is Angel suddenly returning his calls? We SAW him ignore Val. He clearly HATES him. Since when is Husk calling him out and badgering him about being "fake"?? They've known each other for a WEEK. It's way too early for that. It's like we're missing 3-4 episodes of development in-between. Angel reconnecting with Val and showing hints that this is indeed a facade, Husk knowing a lot about everyone and giving a damn... This should be a mid-end of season arc for Angel. I'd personally make it end of season 1 so that he can show change during season 2, beginning as someone new, someone who slowly tries to show he cares and let down his bravado in small amounts, with clear hints of being a little scared of the reactions, until it naturally becomes his full-time persona. Maybe have Charlie notice at some point and subtly encourage him, DELIGHTED (in caps because that girl is extra) that Angel is getting better but having to keep her excitement in in fear of scaring him off (because Charlie should have SOME sort of emotional intelligence ffs).

Loser, Baby feels out of place. This is NOT the appropriate reaction to Angel's words. Did they rewrite the dialogue but not the song?? Here's how it sounds:

Angel: I feel like I've gotta be Val's perfect whore all the time so I'm trying to break myself enough he will be alone—

Husk: Well, it's okay to be a loser, baby! Look at me, I'm a failure too. You ain't special and it's okay!

....So Angel is a loser/failure/broken but Val is still into him??? Did they realize that this should send him the wrong message?! That Val will "love" him no matter what and that Angel cannot be free, that he's been making himself miserable for NOTHING?? First of all, Husk's greediness and addictions are NOTHING like Angel's situation. He signed with his real name. That alone implies that Val snatched him early on as he arrived. On top of that, he's being abused every way possible on the regular, for no fault of his own, and is self-destructing. He cannot kill himself and Val won't let him be killed. This is NOTHING like Husk losing a game for more power and being forced to be a bartender.

Here's how it should have gone for the song to work:

Angel: So?! The real me is a good for nothing loser who died in a ditch from some shitty coke! THIS is the famous, hotter than Hell pornstar that everyone wanna fuck! And I've— I've gotta be the part. 'Cause if I'm not... If I ain't then who am I?

Angel's fear should have been about being seen as who he was, as some loser that nobody loved. Let him feel like he beat his father, that now he's someone so suck it dad! You were wrong! Let Angel behave as if his life was a porn movie because that's all he knows now and what he thinks he should be like. Instead of trying to ruin himself so that Val discards him, have him try to be perfect... Because that'll stop the abuse, right? Val is happy when he acts like that. The perverts worship him. No one cares about Anthony.

That would make Loser, Baby work. It would achieve its goal of saying "it's okay to suck, we all do! Look at me, I'm a loser but my life isn't over!" and get Angel to accept that he's enough as he is. If you add in a few episodes beforehand to set it up, it could have worked better instead of being insensitive.

Personally I would have entirely changed the Angel/Val dynamic. Val can still be a whiny bitch but not in a drama queen way as is implied. He gets like that whenever he loses control of his favorite. Have one of the Vees groan and say something about Angel having done something as if it happened often. Make them used to Val throwing a fit because he didn't get what he wanted out of Angel or because he's having a jealousy fit. It already makes Val more controlling. It'll make the messages scene hit harder as, yeah, we can see why Angel left, the dude is unstable and obsessed. I'd be a little more fucked-up and have Angel kinda love him. Ofc in the Stockholm Syndrome way, he's been abused so much he's too attached to leave. That shift in dynamic would explain why he eventually goes back despite everything. Like in the show, he feels ignored in favor of the new resident and the way he's dismissed and talked about makes him feel like shit. He checks his phone again and ends up listening to Val's new voice messages... And this time, they're sickeningly sweet in a row. He's sorry, he's begging for him to come back. He loves him. And that's enough for Angel to go out or answer him. Put a few episodes in-between where Angel seems... Off? How weird, he's jumpy, more on his phone. He's out for parts of the episodes or clearly focused on something else. Then we get episode 4, where everyone culminates to show how bad the situation is for him. I'd personally not have Val hit him. He's smart enough to not leave bruises on his top whore. However, he's manipulative and threatening. There's no doubt that he COULD hit Angel whenever, especially with the way he cowers. Angel tries to diffuse the situation, so well that it's heartbreaking, and he gets bold. That line when he doesn't reply "Yes Val" is meant with silence as we wait for Val's reaction, waiting for him to blow up. A beat. He doesn't. He's not calm but he's not as angry. He's not going to hit him. He thanks Angel, touching him while the other flinches, a hint that he handles Angel roughly in this kind of situation, and just as Angel looks relieved, he announces that he'll have to work all night, distressing Angel again.

Ofc that would require extensive research and talk to specialists to do it well. Viv's audience can be stupid so it's more of a struggle to make it clear that none of this is Angel's fault and to not romantize this shit but it's more interesting than Val being so obviously abusive. IMHO he almost transformed into someone else in that episode and it could work but we didn't see enough of him to go "oh that's the old abuser trick! he's not as nice as he is with others when he's with his victim!". Idk how to put it sensibly but the impression he gave me was "whiny manchild who sadly was given enough power by Daddy Vox to abuse someone" instead of the intended "terrifying Overlord who is unstable and abusing his power to abuse whichever worker he fancies at the moment". I dunno Chai I just think it would work better if he were more manipulative and welding his power in other ways than by force. Like Angel isn't scared by his strength but by his influence. Also I would low-key find a way to make it so that Angel, mistakenly, thinks he can get away with some things to explain how he'd leave for the Hotel. Like having him not be a perfect victim. While he tries to cater to Val and keep him happy out of fear (and/or care because abuse fucks you up), he sometimes provokes him or tries to do his own thing. It'd show he's his own person and stuff. Sadly that would be lost on Viv's stans and it would absolutely spark some victim-shaming stuff or worse. But I think if she's gonna try to portray something like this, she could do with some nuance and not so... Cliché? Of course, it happens like this to too many people but it feels like she's applying a trope with no thought into it. The most cookie-cutter depiction she could do for quick satisfaction or to tick that case. A bit like how Stolitz is a mix of multiple tropes and is a terribly done version of that trope where a noble falls in love with someone whose class is lower with a sprinkle of badly done transactional relationship that sparks feelings. Thinking of HB, HH has better representation of abuse but not by much. I feel like if Stella was a man, she'd have written it this way? It felt like fetish fuel hiding underneath the surface whereas Stella was lazy writing.

I dunno man, I wanted to rant about Charlie and her design but episode 4 hit me like a wall of bricks

Thank you for all of this, College Anon. This was a great read, and you're right, the Italian version of Poison goes so much harder than the English.

Also Italian Val's voice is...yeah, 10/10 stars on that one. Mama mia.

[ducknotinarow]

Summer, you already know who your biological father is, but did you ever think about your mother? Well, do now. Her name is Gabrielle, she also hurt your dad - rejected him and made a fool of him when he tried to propose. It's a miracle he can even look at you, isn't it?

| muse interactions @aflockoffeathers

Summer's ears were full of the sound of the hair dryer blaring in against her ear. Music she had blasting was downing out by the hot air roaring against her ear. Eyes were closed at the moment as she had her weight mainly supported by her left hand stationed on the counter as she just let the heat from the hair do it's job to dray out her freshly dyed hair. It took a lot more work than just simply adding in red into her blond locks of hair she once was proud to show on display. Sometimes her Dad's were home to help her when she had the mild freak out over the bits of blonde showing. But Summer was alone at the moment why she figured she kill the time by dying her hair. Waiting to keep that natural color of hers hidden away under the coloring of something less unsettling. A deep dark blue near black. It matched her Dad's hair. So it easily gave a cover up on why she started to do it. Well her family likely all put two and two together on why she started to color her hair.

Finally setting the hair dryer down once it turn off she opened her eyes. A slight calming feeling came back over her once she no longer saw her roots. Sighing out she reached up feeling over her hair making sure it was all dry just in case she needed to run the dryer over again. She, never met Hun face to face her self really but she knew enough about him. What all he had done to her family over the years. Knowing she had any traces to him? Well Summer couldn't put words to the feelings it gave her.

Summer in part know what her Dad told her, of course she never would think he could be bad. Letting her elbows rest to the counter as she holds her face in her hands a moment. Summer hated getting upset over the sightless sign of blonde on her head. Needing to just keep her Dad's words in her head every time but still didn't make her not feel some sense of worry the second her root starting to come through. Taking another breath she pushed it away. It wasn't there now. Lowering her hands so she could run fingers through her hair. Front in red dye halo, the rest the deep blue black she had started to prefer. Just a small way to say she was Casey Jones and Raphael's kid no one else's. For sure not that guys. She normally did the streaks in her hair but felt this would be a fun thing to try out as well now.

"Ari might wanna see" Was her first voiced out thought as she reached for her cell to snap the photo of her self smiling brightly throwing in a little peace sign to the lens before she sent it off. Summer smiled as she set her cell back down keeping her and her sisters text messages opened. She figured she surprise her Dad's in person with the change. Looking at the message the counter now was as she just slightly chewed on her bottom lip. Boxes of dye, gloves, paper instructs and now empty bottles just littered the surface.

"Guess I should clean 'his up or Dad might actually make me clean up my bed room." Summer slightly scuffs over the thought but still starts to work on cleaning things up. Her room was one thing that was her own space after all.

Summer, you already know who your biological father is, but did you ever think about your mother?

Summer tries to ignore it she really dose. Of course she did even since learning the answer behind her hair. It did bring to questions the blue eyes of course. But no it didn't matter. She thought as she let her gaze flicker to her phone again no answer from her sister just yet. She might be swimming or staring at Jaromir photo.

Well, do now. Her name is Gabrielle, she also hurt your dad - rejected him and made a fool of him when he tried to propose. It's a miracle he can even look at you, isn't it?

"Shut up!" Summer yells throw the empty plastic bottle into the trash can. Gritting back her teeth. As she let her shoulders rise and fall as she breathed heavily to herself. Hands balling up into tightly bond fists letting the ends of her nails press in against the palm of her hands.

Sure she never heard about this Gabrielle before, she could see why now. Of course all she needed was being told BOTH side of her genetics code hurt her Dad in their own ways. Leading to her. She shakes her head. "nah I know 'hat last bit ain't true." Casey and Raphael loved he no matter where she came from. How many times have they told her this before? "Listen I know 'm fuckin' dumb but I ain't 'hat stupid!" Summer says snapping her head up unsure what caused the words in her head those grey faces creatures or her own thoughts. "I can learn might take fuckin' forever but I can!" She says to the mirror just now. Slamming her hands to the surface of the counter as she stares back at her reflection. Didn't matter how much dye she slathered on to her hair. The color would fade she knows that. Sure she could go extreme and see about color contacts even but. She always liked that she shared the same 'ocean blues' as pop's called them as Casey. She stood there just staring back at her self. The way the red framed her face, how the blue pooled around her shoulders. Her shirt she stole from her dad some time again became her dye shirt since she always made a mess when doing her hair. Not wanting to stain any of her favorite shirts. It was such a small random fact that Casey didn't seem to mind she took it. How Raphael didn't care when she stole his mask to properly color match the red dye even.

They let her get away with the smallest things to the biggest. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to not let her tears stream down her face. This was always going to hang over her head wasn't it? It didn't matter how much she cover up her hair color? Didn't matter how much she tried to push it out of her head or was reassured. It would just forever be right there. A product of people who hurt someone she loved so much, who tries so hard for her. Who would tell her it means nothing because he feels like shes a gift from an angle because how much he and pop wanted her so much. The thing they were always missing, how they wanted a baby so bad stuck by 'baby fever' and then she came to them. That should be all that matters right?

[text] I'm about to do somethin' real stupid

Summer's hands had her phone before she even noticed she had left the bathroom and grabbed her coat uncaring for dye stains. She did least have enough brain power running to lock the door to the apartment before. Of course Summer was curious but not in a way some may think she might be curious about her biological connections. It wasn't hard to get the information she needed. She sorta swiped her number from her Dad's phone when playing around with it.

Swallowing thickly as she felt her hand shake but she pulled up the contacts in her phone. Scrolling past all the names on her screen.

'🏒Dad❤️'

'🐢Pops❤️'

'🪶Granny❤️ '

'🐀Grandpa🧀'

'🐢 Unca Leo☯️'

'🐢Anucle Mikey🍕'

'🐢Unca Donnie🧪'

'💜Auntie Von��'

'🧜🏻‍♀️Ari🎵'

' 💛Auntie Apri📔l'

'Aspen🤡'

'unknown'

Eyes landed on the unknown number the only one in her phone with no name to it. She breaths in deeply before pressing the call button as she continues to walk down the stairs. The call connects but no answer it goes into their voice mail right away. Summer could just hang up now and turn back home. Hop on the couch her Dad's would be home soon with Dinner. They were going to grab pizza so nothing burnt tonight. Dad even sent a text they were on their way from the lair, having stopped there for a bit. when she got outside the building. Instead she keeps walking. It would take them a moment between getting to the place they usually ordered from, with the wait time, not to mention having to add in Dad would park a bit further from the shop so pop's could hang back in the closet alleyway. They would wanna ride together Summer just knows it. So she speaks after the beep sounds off.

"I dunno if Dad told ya my name. but it's me Summer. Imma be at the diner on 52nd. I have at best an hour before I gotta go back home." Cause if they got home before her she could tell them she was taking out the bathroom trash. Somewhere in her skull during her mad rush she grab the bag from the bathroom still holding it now as she tossed it to the nearest dumpster she passed making her way there. If she showed up or not well was a different matter. But only a start. As she passed by a fade purple dragon marking on the next brick building she pasted by. Phone pocketed as she sprinted off.

[deafdogaitathrowaway]

Yo 👋 There weren't many INFO votes, but I figured I might as well make a post addressing a few points that came up.

First, yes, I did post this to both A Poll a Day and @am-i-the-asshole-official, about 1 week apart. Did not expect them to end up getting posted on the same day, but I noticed over the past few days that it was probably going to line up that way lol 🥴

Second, for anyone who didn't see this in the replies: I want to sincerely apologize for the small text. I used it to keep my asides a bit more aside, and make a long post a little less long, but I didn't think about how it would would be difficult for some to read, and honestly didn't realize (until reading the replies on another AITA post the other day) that it's no good for screen readers. That was plain ignorance on my part, I'm really sorry.

Third, I called LG a collie, but I think he is specifically a border collie (or maybe a mix), and a rather large one at that; he stands at about thigh-height next to FB. So, considering that combined with the deafness, I do understand why she struggles to handle him well. My issue is that she doesn't really seem to try, and if she isn't willing to try, then I don't think she should have taken in a dog with particular needs.

Regarding specific comments: • You should have recorded it and/or reported it to authorities. Yup, if I'd had my phone on me I would have tried to take a video. I know from previous experience that reporting animal abuse or neglect without video evidence is pointless, Bylaw Enforcement won't do anything and the SPCA/Humane Society both direct you back to Bylaw.

• There might not be any better way to keep the dog safe (e.g. from cars, etc.). This is fair...ish, because it definitely isn't clear in my post, but to BE clear, this happened at the far end of our backyard (where she takes the dogs to poop), which is behind our building, which is already well set back from the road. LG was nowhere near any cars, and there's a fence between our yard and the house next door's yard, so he and their dog couldn't have hurt each other either. I will say on FB's behalf that she acquired a sort of belt? harness? that she wears when she is walking LG - or GD's massive German Shepherd, K - near/across the road, so she can use her whole body to hold them back. Don't get me started on them keeping 2 large dogs in a 900 sq. ft. apartment though. I'm trying to mind my own business …

• GD "tattled" to your mom because you didn't answer the door when FB knocked. This is definitely fair. I also should have mentioned in the ask that GD wasn't around when this all went down; he only gets home from work shortly before my mom usually does. So I guess at the time, I was thinking he should have just come up to talk to me, since things had had time to cool off by then. But yeah, he probably did assume I wouldn't answer. I still say that answering FB's knock wouldn't have been wise; I feel I would have said something inadvisable.

• People are too focused on staying in their own lane / your mom's a coward. Mm, it's definitely seen as overstepping here to comment on how someone else handles their animals. It's not the first time I've been taken to task for it. ("Then you should have known what would happen" yes well as I said, I didn't think, I just wanted her to leave the dog alone.) As for my mom … she really hates conflict and typically prefers to stay silent rather than speak up, even on her own behalf. I'm really not like that, if anything I've been told I'm too opinionated. She and I grew up in different eras and environments, so I don't really hold it against her. Admittedly I was hurt that she wasn't more on my side, but she's my mom and I love her, so in the end, I just wanted to keep her from being stressed out.

• Report this to the landlord / you shouldn't get evicted over someone else abusing a dog. Our landlord is … how can I put this politely … kind of a tool. If I'm being generous I could say he is "hands off" when it comes to our building. If I'm being honest: he doesn't give a shit. My mom and I and our other neighbors and our past neighbors have all tried reporting stuff to him, he just … doesn't do anything. There would have been very little point, imo, in reporting this to him, especially as he's shown bias toward GD in the past (because GD mows the lawn approximately 2.67 times a year and Landlord uses that as an excuse not to hire anyone else to do yardwork so he can save a buck 🙃) As for getting evicted, honestly I don't think he could legally evict me over this one incident, but my mom is terrified of either of us getting on Landlord's bad side and being thrown out on the street.

• "You shouldn't have apologized, because now she definitely wont learn from her behavior" Mm … well, again, I wanted to keep the peace with my mom, and not turn this into a major incident, as much as I do care about the dog. Imo, FB wouldn't have learned a damn thing regardless. _____ That's all I have to say, I think. Thanks to everyone who voted and commented, I genuinely appreciate the perspective (yes even the YTA and ESH votes, y'all keeping me humble 👉👉). Hopefully nothing like this happens again but it's somewhat comforting to know that most people don't think I was out of line for speaking up, and that most would want to do something if it weren't for anxiety. To be honest, I have very severe anxiety myself, but I love animals with all my heart, and trying to help or protect them is one of the few things that can override anxiety for me. This was all very interesting! (And to anyone who glimpsed my real URL when I accidentally replied with it, pretend you saw nothing 😊) Okay bye 👻

AITA for "attacking" my neighbor's girlfriend? 🗣️🐶👻

Potentially relevant background: I (35F) live in a small apartment building with a very large shared back yard. My mom lives in the same building. We're both close with one of our neighbors and on pleasant terms with the other occupants, but we've also both had various problems with the guy who lives below my apartment ever since he arrived. Details aren't really relevant, he's just one of those people who have clearly never lived in an apartment building before. A couple months ago, his girlfriend moved in along with her young, very excitable, deaf collie. She has almost no control over this dog and can barely even walk him. In the past she used a regular collar for him, which meant she was pulling the dog back by the neck whenever she tried - not very successfully - to control him, but thankfully, she did recently start using a harness instead. (The other people in the building have commented on this as well, I swear I'm not nosy - or at least I'm not the only one who is.)

So anyway, a few weeks ago I was in the back room and when I looked out the window, I saw the girlfriend (FB, 30sF) in the yard with the dog (LG). He was being his usual hyperactive self, and she was as usual being pretty ineffective in handling him. I guess FB got tired of LG haring off away from her as she stood in one place, because she shortened the lead and started pulling him back to her side with a hard yank anytime he got more than a foot or so away from her. At some point, the people who live in the house next to our building must have let their dog out as well, because LG went absolutely nuts trying to get over to the fence and pulled FB a few steps forward with him. She hauled back on the lead with both hands, hard enough that LG yelped, which actually lifted him off his front paws with his back paws barely touching the ground, then shook him roughly and shouted angrily in his face (I could hear her even from inside, and while I couldn't understand her since she speaks in French to the dog, her tone was angry).

Without even thinking about it I immediately opened the door, took a single step onto the deck, and yelled "HEY, stop it!" at her. I wasn't yelling with aggression, I just had to raise my voice for her to hear me across the yard. FB dropped LG and looked up at me and she seemed confused, so I pointed at the dog and shook my head and said "Don't shake him like that, and don't yank him back like that, you're gonna hurt him!" She shook her head back at me and was like "What is 'yank', I don't know, I'm not hurting him." I mimed the way she'd pulled on his lead and said something like "Pulling on him like that and shaking him so hard could hurt him." She was like, "He is deaf, I have to pull him to make him understand." I said, "You don't need to pull him that hard!" FB goes, "Well, he pulls me?" I'm like, "Well, he's a dog? You're a human, you can do better?" Finally she just waved me off and walked back toward the front of the building, so I went back inside, annoyed. After a little bit, she stomped up the stairs, then knocked - as quiet as a mouse - on my door. I didn't bother answering because I didn't have anything else to say to her (or at least nothing polite).

Later that night, when my mom (64F) got home from work, FB's boyfriend (GD, 38M) was apparently waiting outside for her to report the incident. She came up to my place and asked me what happened, so I explained basically exactly as I did above. Mom tells me that GD told her I "attacked" his girlfriend and really upset her by implying she was hurting her dog. (Why he felt the need to like, tattle to my mother instead of talking to me personally, I do not know. It's fine, I totally love being treated like a wayward child.) I was like, "I didn't 'attack' her, I yelled one time and then spoke normally, from like 30 feet away. But I wasn't implying anything, I TOLD her that what she was doing could hurt the dog." Mom told me it wasn't my business to say anything to FB about how she treats her own dog. I said that if I see someone mistreating an animal I do consider it my business to step in. She told me I was rude and what I did was wrong, and then asked what I thought I was going to do if GD complained to the landlord and got me evicted. I was pretty irritated, but eventually - more to appease my mom than because I actually felt sorry - I wrote GD and FB an apology note "admitting" that I was "wrong" for letting my concern for an animal make me act without thinking and get involved in something that "wasn't my business".

Truth is, I still don't think I was wrong, and I would do it again. I think there must be better ways to discipline your deaf dog, and if you aren't willing to learn them then you shouldn't take in a deaf dog. (Also, if what she was doing was just out of trying to control him and not out of anger, why did she shout in his face like that? Girl he's deaf, he can't hear you???) But, after some reflection, I recognize that my already established dislike of these people may have colored my perspective somewhat. It's all over and done with now, but I just want a wider perspective.

Was I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[manchesterau]

you’re in a car by leedsau

words: 1515

summary: harry thinks he knows what love means when he looks at louis.

note: i woke up inching to write someone last night. first I read a fic, which I really enjoyed. and that fic lead me into reading poetry, which naturally leaded me to read poems by richard siken. and after reading the poem im quoted below, I decided to open at google docs and start writing until I couldnt. usually I tamper down this feeling until it goes away, but this time I decided to indulge in it. and im glad I did. before writing this I was going through a bad case of writers block, but know I feel like...a weight as been lifted off my shoulders. I hope you enjoy this, and I felt like it was too short to put it on ao3 so here it is in it’s entirety. thank you to my writing gc for the encouraging words! (this is unedited)

                                                                _______________

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for. -- richard siken

harry doesn’t know how they always end up this way. in a car while it pours down outside. the heat their bodies radiate fogging up the windows.

it’s at these moments that the world feels like it’s been paused. that it’s just him and louis and the sound of them breathing harshly. 

they had run to louis’ mum’s car with smiles on their faces and with laughter in the air. the car was the only car left in the parking lot. it’s an off green color from years of use and the interior is a dark blue, so dark it looks black. 

on a previous day some weeks ago they had ran to louis’ mum’s car with smiles on their faces and laughter in the air. they weren’t the only car in the parking lot. but the windows were foggy, and again, the world felt like it had been paused.

harry looks to louis.

it’s a tricky thing, love. what it does to people. how it can destroy you and put you back together again, sometimes all in the same day. love is fleeting but also everlasting. love is ugly and demented, but also beautiful and sane. it has many forms, taking the form of whatever it chooses that day, or that week, that month and maybe even years. sometimes people grow out of love, losing what once came so easily to them. 

harry looks away from louis.

if he thinks hard enough, strains his brain to come up with the answers to all the questions he holds, he thinks he can just about find love in everything. like his mum making his stepdad coffee in the morning every morning for five years now. or the way his mum cards her soft fingers through his hair when he's got his head on her lap. the way couples on the street move in tandem with each other. the way they unconsciously start to match, becoming a mirror, becoming one.

harry thinks he knows what love means when he looks at louis.

it didn’t start out this way. that’s what he always tells himself but he knows it’s not true. since the beginning he’s always loved louis, even when he didn't know it yet. they had always been close is the thing, closer than most anyways. and it’s sort of always been just him and louis even when it wasn't. he doesn't like to think he was just wondering his little part of earth until he found louis. he likes to think that louis had always been there and that there had been no waiting. they were just slow to come together.

the thing about love is that it comes easier to some people than others, and harry thinks that loving louis is the easiest thing he’s ever done. it’s because it isn't hard to love louis. harry actually thinks the whole world is in love with louis. it’s the way he talks to people that makes it so easy. he’s attentive and generous in the way he looks at you. he pays attention and makes sure your heard. he laughs at all your dumb jokes and teases until your smiling so wide and so big it hurts, but it’s louis so you endure the ache you feel later.

loving louis comes so naturally to harry it scares him sometimes, because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if this doesn’t last. It's a scary thing to love, it takes bravery to really love someone the way they deserve to be loved. harry hopes he loves louis the way he deserves to be loved.

“hopefully the rain stops soon.” louis says.

he’s smiling, and harry can't help but smile back even when he can't bring himself to look at louis. he fears that if he looks at louis again he’ll know how he feels and then this moment will be over. the world will be unpaused and it just won't be them, stuck in louis’ mum‘s old beat up van. louis will drive harry back to his flat, and then he will drive himself home, and then he will tell his sisters about the day he’s had with harry. and harry will wait alone in his flat waiting for tomorrow when they will see each other again and pretend harry didn't have that look on his face. they will go on pretending like everything is fine. and soon harry will be old and louis will be old and he will tell his children’s children about the look he gave to a friend years before. 

“yeah, hopefully.” he says.

the sound of the thunder outside says differently. louis laughs, and harry can't help but to look at him. and he knows that louis can see that look on his face, because louis has that same look. and harry doesn’t know how to understand what that means, what even is that look. but he has a feeling he knows.

he doesn’t know how they always end up this way. it’s pouring raining outside, and yet it’s so quiet in this car. he can hear louis breathing, and he thinks if louis strained his ears enough he could hear the way harry's heart is beating. it says I think i'm in love with you. and harry hopes that's enough.

love is a tricky thing. it’s what it does to people, what it makes them do that makes it so tricky and scary. people have fought over love. people have died over love and have gotten married and had babies. people will abandon one love for another. love gives people courage to do things they'd never do in daylight when someone can see.

so while the world is paused, while it’s just him and louis in this van looking at each other saying all the things they’re too afraid to say, harry thinks about love. he hopes louis is too.

“I…“ he tries to say something but what else is there to say. he is looking at louis, and louis is looking at him. it’s raining outside, a flash of lightning illuminates everything the light can touch. louis is lit ablaze by white light. somewhere far away or maybe close by a tree is more than likely on fire, and harry doesn't have a care in the world.

louis leans over the console.

for a split second, just before their lips meet, harry thinks this is it, there is no turning back from this. and then their lips meet. and then louis is grabbing harry's hand and placing it right where his heart beats beneath his chest. and harry thinks he’s telling him: feel that? i'm in love with you too.

harry doesn't know how they always end up like this, but he thinks this is the first time where he doesn’t mind if the world unpauses, because louis doesn’t stop kissing him. he'd stay right here if he could, his hand on louis’ chest and his lips on louis’ lips. for a fleeting moment he wished he had licked his lips before hand. it makes him laugh, his silly thought. and then louis is pulling back laughing as well. and harry chases after louis as he pulls back, eager to keep kissing. and louis crashes his lips back onto harry’s.

they kiss until the sun has gone down, until the rain has stopped and it’s so cold that harry can’t feel his finger tips. he thinks he’s getting lightheaded, but it feels good. if this were his last day on earth, last hour, he thinks he would be content with it. knowing that louis loves him back.

they pull back, harry looks away from louis. there is no sound of the rain anymore to drown out the silence. the sounds of them breathing harshly through shiny spit covered lips has harry in disbelief. as much as he wants to let the words be spoken for by the way he looks at louis he has to let him know, subtle but telling looks aren't enough. he still feels like there is this weight on his shoulders.

“I love you.” harry says.

“me too.” louis says.

harry shakes his head, he knows louis understands but he has to get it out. “I love you…like the way a wife loves her husband. like…the way two people feel after they’ve gone on a honeymoon. too much but also just right at the same time. I…think i've loved you before i've even known you, it comes so naturally to me it’s scary.” he looks to louis, he’s shaking.

“me too.”

and that’s done. harry’s said what he needed to say, and even though his hand isn't over the space where louis’ heart is anymore, he thinks if he strains enough he can hear it beating. it says to him I love you more than i've loved anything on this earth. and while love is scary, it’s also wonderful. it leaves the two who are in love feeling weightless and breathless, like they can conquer the whole world together. harry feels like he just conquered the world with louis.