deafdogaitathrowaway

[deafdogaitathrowaway]

Yo 👋 There weren't many INFO votes, but I figured I might as well make a post addressing a few points that came up.

First, yes, I did post this to both A Poll a Day and @am-i-the-asshole-official, about 1 week apart. Did not expect them to end up getting posted on the same day, but I noticed over the past few days that it was probably going to line up that way lol 🥴

Second, for anyone who didn't see this in the replies: I want to sincerely apologize for the small text. I used it to keep my asides a bit more aside, and make a long post a little less long, but I didn't think about how it would would be difficult for some to read, and honestly didn't realize (until reading the replies on another AITA post the other day) that it's no good for screen readers. That was plain ignorance on my part, I'm really sorry.

Third, I called LG a collie, but I think he is specifically a border collie (or maybe a mix), and a rather large one at that; he stands at about thigh-height next to FB. So, considering that combined with the deafness, I do understand why she struggles to handle him well. My issue is that she doesn't really seem to try, and if she isn't willing to try, then I don't think she should have taken in a dog with particular needs.

Regarding specific comments: • You should have recorded it and/or reported it to authorities. Yup, if I'd had my phone on me I would have tried to take a video. I know from previous experience that reporting animal abuse or neglect without video evidence is pointless, Bylaw Enforcement won't do anything and the SPCA/Humane Society both direct you back to Bylaw.

• There might not be any better way to keep the dog safe (e.g. from cars, etc.). This is fair...ish, because it definitely isn't clear in my post, but to BE clear, this happened at the far end of our backyard (where she takes the dogs to poop), which is behind our building, which is already well set back from the road. LG was nowhere near any cars, and there's a fence between our yard and the house next door's yard, so he and their dog couldn't have hurt each other either. I will say on FB's behalf that she acquired a sort of belt? harness? that she wears when she is walking LG - or GD's massive German Shepherd, K - near/across the road, so she can use her whole body to hold them back. Don't get me started on them keeping 2 large dogs in a 900 sq. ft. apartment though. I'm trying to mind my own business …

• GD "tattled" to your mom because you didn't answer the door when FB knocked. This is definitely fair. I also should have mentioned in the ask that GD wasn't around when this all went down; he only gets home from work shortly before my mom usually does. So I guess at the time, I was thinking he should have just come up to talk to me, since things had had time to cool off by then. But yeah, he probably did assume I wouldn't answer. I still say that answering FB's knock wouldn't have been wise; I feel I would have said something inadvisable.

• People are too focused on staying in their own lane / your mom's a coward. Mm, it's definitely seen as overstepping here to comment on how someone else handles their animals. It's not the first time I've been taken to task for it. ("Then you should have known what would happen" yes well as I said, I didn't think, I just wanted her to leave the dog alone.) As for my mom … she really hates conflict and typically prefers to stay silent rather than speak up, even on her own behalf. I'm really not like that, if anything I've been told I'm too opinionated. She and I grew up in different eras and environments, so I don't really hold it against her. Admittedly I was hurt that she wasn't more on my side, but she's my mom and I love her, so in the end, I just wanted to keep her from being stressed out.

• Report this to the landlord / you shouldn't get evicted over someone else abusing a dog. Our landlord is … how can I put this politely … kind of a tool. If I'm being generous I could say he is "hands off" when it comes to our building. If I'm being honest: he doesn't give a shit. My mom and I and our other neighbors and our past neighbors have all tried reporting stuff to him, he just … doesn't do anything. There would have been very little point, imo, in reporting this to him, especially as he's shown bias toward GD in the past (because GD mows the lawn approximately 2.67 times a year and Landlord uses that as an excuse not to hire anyone else to do yardwork so he can save a buck 🙃) As for getting evicted, honestly I don't think he could legally evict me over this one incident, but my mom is terrified of either of us getting on Landlord's bad side and being thrown out on the street.

• "You shouldn't have apologized, because now she definitely wont learn from her behavior" Mm … well, again, I wanted to keep the peace with my mom, and not turn this into a major incident, as much as I do care about the dog. Imo, FB wouldn't have learned a damn thing regardless. _____ That's all I have to say, I think. Thanks to everyone who voted and commented, I genuinely appreciate the perspective (yes even the YTA and ESH votes, y'all keeping me humble 👉👉). Hopefully nothing like this happens again but it's somewhat comforting to know that most people don't think I was out of line for speaking up, and that most would want to do something if it weren't for anxiety. To be honest, I have very severe anxiety myself, but I love animals with all my heart, and trying to help or protect them is one of the few things that can override anxiety for me. This was all very interesting! (And to anyone who glimpsed my real URL when I accidentally replied with it, pretend you saw nothing 😊) Okay bye 👻

AITA for "attacking" my neighbor's girlfriend? 🗣️🐶👻

Potentially relevant background: I (35F) live in a small apartment building with a very large shared back yard. My mom lives in the same building. We're both close with one of our neighbors and on pleasant terms with the other occupants, but we've also both had various problems with the guy who lives below my apartment ever since he arrived. Details aren't really relevant, he's just one of those people who have clearly never lived in an apartment building before. A couple months ago, his girlfriend moved in along with her young, very excitable, deaf collie. She has almost no control over this dog and can barely even walk him. In the past she used a regular collar for him, which meant she was pulling the dog back by the neck whenever she tried - not very successfully - to control him, but thankfully, she did recently start using a harness instead. (The other people in the building have commented on this as well, I swear I'm not nosy - or at least I'm not the only one who is.)

So anyway, a few weeks ago I was in the back room and when I looked out the window, I saw the girlfriend (FB, 30sF) in the yard with the dog (LG). He was being his usual hyperactive self, and she was as usual being pretty ineffective in handling him. I guess FB got tired of LG haring off away from her as she stood in one place, because she shortened the lead and started pulling him back to her side with a hard yank anytime he got more than a foot or so away from her. At some point, the people who live in the house next to our building must have let their dog out as well, because LG went absolutely nuts trying to get over to the fence and pulled FB a few steps forward with him. She hauled back on the lead with both hands, hard enough that LG yelped, which actually lifted him off his front paws with his back paws barely touching the ground, then shook him roughly and shouted angrily in his face (I could hear her even from inside, and while I couldn't understand her since she speaks in French to the dog, her tone was angry).

Without even thinking about it I immediately opened the door, took a single step onto the deck, and yelled "HEY, stop it!" at her. I wasn't yelling with aggression, I just had to raise my voice for her to hear me across the yard. FB dropped LG and looked up at me and she seemed confused, so I pointed at the dog and shook my head and said "Don't shake him like that, and don't yank him back like that, you're gonna hurt him!" She shook her head back at me and was like "What is 'yank', I don't know, I'm not hurting him." I mimed the way she'd pulled on his lead and said something like "Pulling on him like that and shaking him so hard could hurt him." She was like, "He is deaf, I have to pull him to make him understand." I said, "You don't need to pull him that hard!" FB goes, "Well, he pulls me?" I'm like, "Well, he's a dog? You're a human, you can do better?" Finally she just waved me off and walked back toward the front of the building, so I went back inside, annoyed. After a little bit, she stomped up the stairs, then knocked - as quiet as a mouse - on my door. I didn't bother answering because I didn't have anything else to say to her (or at least nothing polite).

Later that night, when my mom (64F) got home from work, FB's boyfriend (GD, 38M) was apparently waiting outside for her to report the incident. She came up to my place and asked me what happened, so I explained basically exactly as I did above. Mom tells me that GD told her I "attacked" his girlfriend and really upset her by implying she was hurting her dog. (Why he felt the need to like, tattle to my mother instead of talking to me personally, I do not know. It's fine, I totally love being treated like a wayward child.) I was like, "I didn't 'attack' her, I yelled one time and then spoke normally, from like 30 feet away. But I wasn't implying anything, I TOLD her that what she was doing could hurt the dog." Mom told me it wasn't my business to say anything to FB about how she treats her own dog. I said that if I see someone mistreating an animal I do consider it my business to step in. She told me I was rude and what I did was wrong, and then asked what I thought I was going to do if GD complained to the landlord and got me evicted. I was pretty irritated, but eventually - more to appease my mom than because I actually felt sorry - I wrote GD and FB an apology note "admitting" that I was "wrong" for letting my concern for an animal make me act without thinking and get involved in something that "wasn't my business".

Truth is, I still don't think I was wrong, and I would do it again. I think there must be better ways to discipline your deaf dog, and if you aren't willing to learn them then you shouldn't take in a deaf dog. (Also, if what she was doing was just out of trying to control him and not out of anger, why did she shout in his face like that? Girl he's deaf, he can't hear you???) But, after some reflection, I recognize that my already established dislike of these people may have colored my perspective somewhat. It's all over and done with now, but I just want a wider perspective.

Was I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?