#also if it was a dream they could do like a horror movie parody

[methinmycoffee]

*Spoilers for The Simpsons and Family Guy*

Simpsons: Who shot Mr. Burns?

Family Guy: And Then There Were Fewer

South Park needs to do a murder mystery episode. Many shows do them, but I’m just going to use The Simpsons and Family Guy for examples.

The Simpsons has the ever-famous “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” Duology, ending season 6 and beginning season 7 with two episodes centered around the mystery. While not technically a “Murder Mystery” it’s still an iconic whodunnit that sees the entire town turn against each other as the try and figure out the culprit. The ending is kind of a cop-out, when the shooter is revealed to be Maggie Simpson and she is not charged with a crime. (Originally the shooter was going to be Barney, and he was actually going to go to jail for a season or so). It’s still full of a lot of genuinely good clues, such as every clock reading 3:00 to hint at how the sun dial is supposed to be read.

Family Guy has “And Then There Were Fewer” which was the premiere for season 9. This 50 minute episode of the show contains no cutaway gags, and is a true to form murder mystery. We see the actual deaths of a few characters, including a character that was introduced in the episode (Stephanie), James Woods (who was later brought back, which is lame), Muriel Goldman, Derek Wilcox, Pricilla, and finally the killer, Diane Simmons, is shot after a showdown with Lois Griffin. This is my favorite episode of the show, honestly. Even though they brought back James Woods, every other character named remains dead throughout the show, and there are even a couple mentions of their deaths throughout, especially for Muriel and Diane. Diane Simmons was an especially prominent character throughout the first eight seasons, appearing as the co-anchor to Tom Tucker (yes that’s his name) every time the news was played, which is frequently. They give her character motivations for wanting to kill James Woods and frame Tom Tucker for it, which she reveals to Lois in a very dramatic scene towards the end of the episode. Honestly even if you don’t like Family Guy this is a pretty solid episode, aside from a few really lame jokes.

South Park, ever starved for ideas, could totally do something like this. It’s not like it doesn’t fit the tone of the show, and it’s not like we don’t have any side character to spare. It could also work fairly well as a weird dream episode or something, and then they could do it with the main class of 4th graders. I would hope they leaned more towards the Family Guy episode, and it seems like that would fit the show more. The one problem is that the cast of South Park is mostly children, but there are definitely side adults that we could lose, and they’ve never been above killing some kids.

Maybe we could drop some characters we haven’t seen in awhile, like Ned, and then move up to character we see often but wouldn’t really be missed. Someone irl (@unoficial-trader-joes) suggested the mayor and I think that could work. We could also drop some less-popular 4th grade characters, like Annie Knitts, Red McArthur, and if we’re feeling really wild maybe Scott Malkinson or DogPoo Petuski. It would be a fun time, I think.

(Also the Killer should be Kenny, and he’s killed in a final showdown like in the Family Guy episode, but then he just comes back because he’s Kenny)

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

Hey, you!

Yeah, you!

Do you crave more ✨canon queer stories✨ in your fandom experience? Are you begging for more major character representation that you don’t have to headcanon for yourself?

Then have I got the kickstarter for you!

The Tin Can Bros (a comedy trio and makers of live theatre, digital sketches, webseries, you name it! You might know them from all the work they’ve done with Starkid—founding Tin Can Brothers Joey and Brian played Ron and Quirrell in A Very Potter Musical) are launching a brand new season of projects, most of which contain QUEER MAJOR CHARACTERS AND THEMES. These guys have got gays, they’ve got lesbians, they’ve got trans and gnc characters, they’ve got wholesome first love and Hannigram levels of fucked-up toxicity. It’s a whole cornucopia!! They’re planning to produce work in Los Angeles, NYC, London, Edinburgh, and Adelaide, but there will be digital tickets so you can watch where ever you are!

We’ve got:

-Two Rocky Horror-style concerts of the cult-hit, spy-movie parody musical Spies Are Forever. Gay protagonist who will sear himself into your heart! Seriously, his relationship with fellow spy Owen will emotionally destroy you for at least seven years.

-A concert of the developing musical This Could Be on Broadway, which follows a group of high school kids putting on a production of The Matrix: The Musical (not a show in real life) in their theatre department. A bunch of the central kids are canonically some flavor of queer, and there’s a central, very sweet lesbian romance that includes a trans character. She’s played trans actress Esther Fallick, who also worked with TCB as a consultant to make the character and show as authentic as possible. Seriously, if you want to see a trans teen thriving in their own skin, this is the show for you.

-An Edinburgh Fringe Fest production of The Solve It Squad Returns, a Scooby-Doo parody that follows the parodic versions of the Scooby Gang when they reunite as fucked-up adults to finally confront the almost-twenty-years-past traumatic murder of their dog Cluebert. I promise it’s funnier than it sounds. Esther, the Velma-esque super genius, is gender non-conforming and identifies with they/them pronouns. They also have a girlfriend WITH a boyfriend!

-A workshop reading of the QUEER SCI-FI TELEVISION COMEDY PILOT Intelligent Life. Unlike the other projects I’ve mentioned, this one is new to the TCB fans, but will follow a pair of ex-boyfriends forced to survive together in an extra-terrestrial colony. From the sound of it, there will be plenty of queer supporting characters as well. This frankly sounds like it could be tumblr’s dream show, and it’d be great to support its development.

-The Great Debate—a live comedy game show where comedians debate silly things. While this obviously won’t have narrative gay rep like the other projects, it will showcase gay talent (at the very least, Tin Can Brother Corey will participate in every show) and may include debates involving queer topics.

-Gross Prophets, in which three wannabe gurus/cult leaders lead a seminar on the path to enlightenment. This is a completely new stage musical so I honestly don’t know if it will contain any queer characters or themes. But the TCB queer track record is pretty good!

Guys, I’m so genuinely so excited by this season. But all this awesome queer art won’t happen unless we get their kickstarter funded. And they need our help! So let’s get fundraising!!

TLDR; Comedy group Tin Can Bros are attempting to fund a season positively filled with queer stories and characters, and they need help! If you want to support the creation of queer theatre and the development of queer TV, consider checking them out and giving to the kickstarter!

[minimanic]

JUNE MOVIE ROUNDUP!

Made it 33% of the way through my aspirational pride month list which is a little less than I'd hoped for but not the worst I've ever done. Viewing overwhelming skewed 90s with some notable exceptions.

Handful of unrelated and late additions that I also feel some type of way about.

Opinions and links under the read more

✨In which 90s queer cinema makes me nostalgic for a period of time that I was technically alive during✨

But I'm A Cheerleader (1999) Directed by Jamie Babbit: An absolutely adorable romcom about conversion therapy that handles its premise with more grace than anyone could have possibly expected. None the less, it stressed me out so bad i nearly ground my teeth to dust.

💚 But I'm a Cheerleader available on Internet Archive here, Tubi here

Nowhere (1997) Directed by Gregg Araki: I like to joke about how insufferable i would have been if I'd found Araki's films as a teenager but i think this is the one I would send back to myself if I could. The man takes teenage angst both seriously and honestly and that's a talent and a level of compassion that sets him apart. Also this one has aliens in it.

The Watermelon Woman (1996) Directed by Cheryl Dunye: The drive to find people who were like you within the history of art and culture, especially as a marginalized person, can be a consuming force and it's portrayed beautifully here. Also it absolutely rules to see a classic 90s indie slice of life film about black lesbians.

💚 The Watermelon Woman available on Internet Archive here

Bound (1996) Directed by Lilly and Lana Wachowski: It Just feels Good man. This one was a re-watch but it's a re-watch at nearly 20 years and it hits just as good today as it did when i was 15. If the Wachowski's excel at anything it's a commitment to catharsis.

✨More Pride month flics✨

You and the Night (2013) Directed by Yann Gonzalez: Admittedly, I don't have a ton of experience with low budget french films about supernatural events happening at an orgie but even so I'm confident this is the best of the genre or at the very least the sweetest. An absolute comfort film.

Apocalypse After (2018) Directed by Bertrand Mandico: It resonates. It's also full of goo and fun outfits and practical effects!

Pink Narcissus (1971) Directed by James Bidgood/Blank Narcissus (Passion of the Swamp) (2022) Directed by Peter Strickland: Pink Narcissus is a homoerotic fever dream that appreciates the erotic power of ass more than anything i have literally ever seen. It works completely. Blank Narcissus is equal parts cheap parody and fairly compelling rumination on lost love. It doesn't quite work but i get it.

💚 Pink Narcissus available on Internet Archive Here

El Pico (1983) Directed by Eloy de la Iglesia: I mean... its absolutely the prototype of the don't do drugs kids type dramas of the 90s but its noteworthy that it came out a solid decade before Trainspotting and co.

Lucifer Rising (1972) Directed by Kenneth Anger: Finally found a screener for this movie with more than 4 pixels! I'm gonna level with you. A couple weeks later I have forgotten literally everything about it despite my best efforts. I was certainly enthralled while watching it though. I'll give it that much.

💚Lucifer Rising available on YouTube here

💚 Most if not all of these can be watched through Solidarity Cinema. They're doing really excellent work over there. I use their streaming option through Plex and its been an absolute dream so far.

✨Movie I did not know was queer but oh my god holy shit✨

Anchoress (1993) Directed by Chris Newby: Threw this on for summer solstice and... its a revelation honestly. Part of the Folk Horror box set that came out a few years ago and definitely one of the best. The cinematography is beautiful. The ethos is immaculate. And who among us wouldn't have risked it all for a janky statue of Mary at some point in our life.

✨The Best of the Rest✨

Twister (1996) Directed by Jan de Bont: I am saying, truly and genuinely, with my whole chest: this is the best disaster movie ever made. Every single character is a delight, the effects inspire a mixture of fear and awe, it essentially watches like a road movie, Helen Hunt is trying to get revenge on a tornado. Its the rare perfect film.

Witch's Cradle (1944) Directed by Maya Deren: The best experimental films carry a sense of genuine magic with them and this has that in spades. Absolutely hypnotic.

💚 Watch Witch's Cradle on YouTube here

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) Directed by George Miller: I fully forgot how good this movie is. You can really see a lot of the themes and sensibilities that would eventually come to fruition in Fury Road start to form here.

Moby Dick (1956) Directed by John Huston: Appropriately epic and perfectly cast, who doesn't want to watch Gregory Peck fight a whale?

💚 Moby Dick available on tubi here

Dr. Strangelove or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) Directed by Stanley Kubrick: First time watching this one all the way through and in a packed theater no less! Tragically, the jokes still land just as hard as they did when it first came out. The whole theater lost it during Ripper's fluoride in the water bit. Kubrick's signature style is wildly successful when employed for comedic effect.

💚 Dr. Strangelove available on Internet Archive here

Galaxina (1980) Directed by Wilim Sachs: Is it a good movie? No absolutely not. Does it inspire a powerful fondness within me? It sure does! Imagine if Space Balls had no budget and periodic delusions of also being a real science fiction movie. That's what you're working with here and it is a delight.

💚 Galaxina available on YouTube here

[ggadtomarry]

Head empty, just the Tomarry equivalent of this video (a parody of a nice kindergarten teacher taking care of horror movie children):

Some highlights:

Harry taking care of the horcruxes + Tom. They are all little kids.

"We don't like to use words such as psychopath, freak, insane, monster, evil, crazy, bad. They are very negative and abelist words which hurt. I personally prefer "empathetically challenged"

"Tom and the others need lots of positive reinforcement. So when they try to kill or steal something, it is time for a nap. When they are good kids, it is time to call them very special, amazing, stunning, incredible".

"Tom and the others unfortunately have lots of separation anxiety. They are so worried I will die, the poor angels. So I explain very clearly that I'm safe and that I'm now safer than ever, thanks to the recent lack of attempts on my life from dark Lords. Let's keep it this way, right, boys?"

"Tom gets really worried about death, sometimes. When it happens, I cuddle him and let him know he's safe and sound and protected. Also that wixen may turn in ghosts, if they don't like the idea of pass"

"sometimes they research on immortality. It's very harmless now, but I try to explain them that death is natural and they must focus on how they want to live, not on death. Also, we don't know what's behind death but for clearness I spun a tale about a very naughty boy who got broken down into pieces because of his insane research for immortality and was damned to pass eternity as a suffering baby. I think they got the message "

"also, they could create the philosopher's stone, if they apply their bright mind to alchemy instead of being naughty"

"they don't cry, like never. But I know they still like being held and cuddled because direct skin to skin contact does wonders to one's mental health"

"sometimes they have intrusive thoughts about doing bad things. I explain that intrusive thoughts aren't what they really are, they are just thoughts. When they happen, instead of acting on them they should tell me all about them. So they see I still love them and want to give them cookies."

"sometimes they get in a fight because they are in that phase. The phase where they want to marry their caregiver. I calmly tell them they shouldn't fight, I love them all equally. Recently I've found a marriage proposal where they ask me to live with them all forever. See? Learning to share! I call it progress"

"since they discovered I'm an half blood, they decided that half bloods are the best of the best and are so proud they are, too"

"since they discovered some purebloods hurt me, they decided to hunt down purebloods. I explained you can't judge a whole group of people for the actions of a few. So they swore they will hunt just the ones who hurt me. So much progress!"

"when we play 'what we will be as a grown up', we end up with them being ministers of magic and me being their husband and the pet snakes being our children. They dream of a stable job and family! So proud of them!"

"we have very nice pet snakes who are their bffs. Lots of fun with snakes! They like to pet and cuddle them and let them sleep in the beds. Oh, also watch them hunting for preys! Such an healthy interest in nature!"

"they asked me why I took them in. They can't repay me, at the moment. I explained I took them in because it was the right thing to do and I kept them because I love them very much. They decided love is a wonderful powerful amazing thing"

"Every day a different kid gifts me with a wonderful drawing. They are so talented!! Also the hearts, snakes and 'i love you forever Harry" are such a nice touch"

[maxwell-grant]

It's been suggested that Mr Nicolas Cage may play Count Dracula in the forthcoming RENFIELD movie - may I please ask what you think of the idea?

I'm a liiiittle leery in regards to the forthcoming Renfield movie, Renfield's a character I have a lot of thoughts on and one that's usually been handled extremely poorly (even by the already abysmal standards of Dracula adaptations) and the project seems like it's a comedy? It's described as "an adventure with a comedic tone set in the modern world", with Robert Kirkman describing it as "an extremely violent comedy", also involving the Lego Batman director and a writer who, from his IMDB page, was involved with some of the better Rick and Morty episodes (at least as far as I remember, I quit that show on S2 and never really cared what they did afterwards). I'm not remotely opposed to funny takes on Dracula, I made that pretty clear as is, but something about this one specifically is giving me only a little pause.

I think that's mostly because everything indicates that this is gonna be more of a Dracula parody than a straightforward take on the material and I've rarely seen one of those that I enjoyed (haven't touched Dracula: Dead and Loving It, although even Mel Brooks fans seem to treat that one like a dud). I was extremely on board with Nicholas Hoult playing Renfield, even when my initial reaction to the announcement on a Renfield movie was something along the lines of: "...Look, the idea kinda makes sense, Renfield's story is one of the most tragic and compelling elements of Dracula and one element of it that could even work as a standalone story, but I don't trust Dracula movie adaptations, especially with treating Renfield with anything resembling dignity for what the character actually is in the story, instead of the pop culture stereotype".

I was super onboard with Nicholas Hoult playing Renfield and I still think the casting is perfect, but hearing that the whole project's gonna be tending more towards farce? ...Yeah, I’m not exactly sure what to expect here, I think it's really gonna depend on what the project does with it. And that's how I feel about Nicholas Cage as Dracula, too. Because, to a lot of people, and I hope this isn't the case for the people actually making the film, Nicholas Cage as Dracula is a funny idea, an inspired idea for memes and that's it, get the meme actor to play a funny Dracula, do some over-the-top stuff and whatnot.

Which is, fine, I like Nicholas Cage memes sometimes, I imagine a creative team who's worked on Lego Batman and Rick and Morty is definitely aware that this is a no-brainer idea and can definitely make for a great joke. But I sincerely hope that this isn't what they're going for because that could be such a sad, sad waste of what Cage has to offer here.

Let's just completely put aside that Nicholas Cage playing Dracula is a dream come true for the man, as someone who's openly professed playing Dracula to be one of the three characters he's dreamed of playing since he began acting, who began producing films specifically to get Shadow of the Vampire made, who's admitted Christopher Lee's Dracula as his inspiration for getting into horror films, nevermind all that stuff about him owning a bunch of castles and pulling allnighters at Vlad the Impaler's Castle while shooting Ghost Rider 2 and whatnot. Let's also put aside that Cage has also recently started to gain some respect back with performances in films like Mandy and Pig where he gets to show off how good he is of an actor, with or without playing bugfuck maniacs, and focus on another thing that makes Cage a great choice for Dracula: The fact that he's already played one of the most unnervingly monstrous film takes on vampires ever made.

Say, has anyone here watched Vampire's Kiss? That movie where Cage has that meme face while yelling at his secretary and runs down a street screaming he's a vampire and that's all that anyone really remembers of it? Fun stuff, right? Oh yeah it's also the movie where Cage plays one of the most vile protagonists in film history who spends the entire film gradually unraveling into further and further delusions, who becomes a psychotic murderer and ends the film a broken wreck shambling in the streets begging people to kill him before he's put out of his misery, and hey class, show of hands, anyone who’s watched the film can tell us the exact moment where all humor leaves the film and suddenly you’re feeling pretty damn awful for thinking this was gonna be a comedy?

Yeah, I went into Vampire's Kiss thinking it was gonna be a goddamn laugh riot, and got hit with a deeply uncomfortable film that hinges entirely around Cage playing the most absurd performance long past the point where it stops being funny and does a 180 into being absolutely disturbing and no one's laughing anymore, and the character he’s playing makes Patrick Bateman look like a model citizen and paragon of stability. The film’s marketing was made to hook people in with the expectation of this being a romantic comedy only to be hit with psychological horror, where the least horrifying thing that could happen would be the protagonist actually becoming a vampire. If anything, Cage’s character in Vampire’s Kiss could very well be seen as an extremely dark take on Renfield, particularly in Renfield’s attempts to emulate Dracula (Cage ate a live cockroach for this film). Vampire’s Kiss makes a terrific argument for Nicholas Cage as Dracula as well as Renfield.

I’m probably sounding a bit too negative with this post and, all things considered, I do expect to enjoy Renfield at least a little, even if it’s mostly a parody take on the source material. I hope Cage gets to at least get Dracula out of his system with this and I sincerely, dearly hope that the film is aiming for more than just playing around with the stock pop culture perception of Renfield and Dracula. I’m used to being let down by film takes on Dracula but, I wanna start going to theaters again, and I wanna try to be a little less cynical towards upcoming movies.

[grigori77]

2020 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 3)

10.  WOLFWALKERS – eleven years ago, Irish director Tomm Moore exploded onto the animated cinema scene with The Secret of Kells, a spellbinding feature debut which captivated audiences the world over and even garnered an Oscar nomination.  Admittedly I didn’t actually even know about it until I discovered his work through his astonishing follow-up, Song of the Sea (another Academy Award nominee), in 2015, so when I finally caught it I was already a fan of Moore’s work.  It’s been a similarly long wait for his third feature, but he’s genuinely pulled off a hat-trick, delivering a third flawless film in a row which OF COURSE means that his latest feature is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my top animated feature of 2020.  I could even be tempted to say it’s his best work to date … this is an ASTONISHING film, a work of such breath-taking, spell-binding beauty that I spent its entire hour and three-quarters glued to the screen, simple mesmerised by the wonder and majesty of this latest iteration of the characteristically stylised “Cartoon Saloon” look.  It’s also liberally steeped in Moore’s trademark Celtic vibe and atmosphere, once again delving deep into his homeland’s rich and evocative cultural history and mythology while also bringing us something far more original and personal – this time the titular supernatural beings are magical near-human beings whose own subconscious can assume the form of very real wolves.  Set in a particularly dark time in Irish history – namely 1650, when Oliver Cromwell was Lord Protector – the story follows Robyn (Honor Kneafsey, probably best known for the Christmas Prince films), the impetuous and spirited young daughter of English hunter Bill Goodfellowe (Sean Bean), brought in by the Protectorate to rid the city of Kilkenny of the wolves plaguing the area.  One day fate intervenes and Robyn meets Mebh Og MacTire (The Girl at the End of the Garden‘s Eve Whittaker), a wild girl living in the woods, whose accidental bite gives her strange dreams in which she becomes a wolf – turns out Mebh is a wolfwalker, and now so is Robyn … every aspect of this film is an utter triumph for Moore and co, who have crafted a work of living, breathing cinematic art that’s easily the equal to (if not even better than) the best that Disney, Dreamworks or any of the other animation studios could create.  Then there’s the excellent voice cast – Bean brings fatherly warmth and compassion to the role that belies his character’s intimidating size, while Kneafsey and Whittaker make for a sweet and sassy pair as they bond in spite of powerful cultural differences, and the masterful Simon McBurney (Harry Potter, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) brings cool, understated menace to the role of Cromwell himself.  This is a film with plenty of emotional heft to go with its marvels, and once again displays the welcome dark side which added particular spice to Moore’s previous films, but ultimately this is still a gentle and heartfelt work of wonder that makes for equally suitable viewing for children as for those who are still kids at heart – ultimately, then, this is another triumph for one of the most singularly original filmmakers working in animation today, and if Wolfwalkers doesn’t make it third time lucky come Oscars-time then there’s no justice in the world …

9.  WONDER WOMAN 1984 – probably the biggest change for 2020 compared to pretty much all of the past decade is how different the fortunes of superhero cinema turned out to be.  A year earlier the Marvel Cinematic Universe had dominated all, but the DC Extended Universe still got a good hit in with big surprise hit Shazam!  Fast-forward to now and things are VERY different – DC suddenly came out in the lead, but only because Marvel’s intended heavy-hitters (two MCU movies, the first Venom sequel and potential hot-shit new franchise starter Morbius: the Living Vampire) found themselves continuously pushed back thanks to (back then) unforeseen circumstances which continue to shit all over our theatre-going slate for the immediate future.  In the end DC’s only SERIOUS competition turned out to be NETFLIX … never mind, at least we got ONE big established superhero blockbuster into the cinemas before the end of the year that the whole family could enjoy, and who better to headline it than DC’s “newest” big screen megastar, Diana Prince? Back in 2017 Monster’s Ball director Patty Jenkins’ monumental DCEU standalone spectacularly realigned the trajectory of a cinematic franchise that was visibly flagging, redesigning the template for the series’ future which has since led to some (mostly) consistently impressive subsequent offerings.  Needless to say it was a damn tough act to follow, but Jenkins and co-writers Geoff Johns (Arrow and The Flash) and David Callaham (The Expendables, Zombieland: Double Tap, future MCU entry Shang-Chi & the Legend of the Ten Rings) have risen to the challenge in fine style, delivering something which pretty much equals that spectacular franchise debut … as has Gal Gadot, who’s now OFFICIALLY made the role her own thanks to yet another showstopping and definitive performance as the unstoppable Amazonian goddess living amongst us.  She’s older and wiser than in the first film, but still hasn’t lost that forthright honesty and wonderfully pure heart we’ve come to love ever since her introduction in Zack Snyder’s troublesome but ultimately underrated Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (yes, that’s right, I said it!), and Gadot’s clear, overwhelming commitment to the role continues to pay off magnificently as she once again proves that Diana is THE VERY BEST superhero in the DCEU cinematic pantheon.  Although it takes place several decades after its predecessor, WW84 is, obviously, still very much a period piece, Jenkins and co this time perfectly capturing the sheer opulent and over-the-top tastelessness of the 1980s in all its big-haired, bad-suited, oversized shoulder-padded glory while telling a story that encapsulates the greedy excessiveness of the Reagan era, perfectly embodied in the film’s nominal villain, Max Lord (The Mandalorian himself, Pedro Pascal), a wishy-washy wannabe oil tycoon conman who chances upon a supercharged wish-rock and unleashes a devastating supernatural “monkey’s paw” upon the world. To say any more would give away a whole raft of spectacular twists and turns that deserve to be enjoyed good and cold, although they did spoil one major surprise in the trailer when they teased the return of Diana’s first love, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) … needless to say this is another big blockbuster bursting with big characters, big action and BIG IDEAS, just what we’ve come to expect after Wonder Woman’s first triumphant big screen adventure.  Interestingly, the film starts out feeling like it’s going to be a bubbly, light, frothy affair – after a particularly stunning all-action opening flashback to Diana’s childhood on Themyscira, the film proper kicks off with a bright and breezy atmosphere that feels a bit like the kind of Saturday morning cartoon action the consistently impressive set-pieces take such unfettered joy in parodying, but as the stakes are raised the tone grows darker and more emotionally potent, the storm clouds gathering for a spectacularly epic climax that, for once, doesn’t feel too overblown or weighed down by its visual effects, while the intelligent script has unfathomable hidden depths to it, making us think far more than these kinds of blockbusters usually do.  It’s really great to see Chris Pine return since he was one of the best things about the first movie, and his lovably childlike wide-eyed wonder at this brave new world perfectly echoes Diana’s own last time round; Kristen Wiig, meanwhile, is pretty phenomenal throughout as Dr Barbara Minerva, the initially geeky and timid nerd who discovers an impressive inner strength but ultimately turns into a superpowered apex predator as she becomes one of Wonder Woman’s most infamous foes, the Cheetah; Pascal, of course, is clearly having the time of his life hamming it up to the hilt as Lord, playing gloriously against his effortlessly cool, charismatic action hero image to deliver a compellingly troubling examination of the monstrous corrupting influence of absolute power.  Once again, though, the film truly belongs to Gadot – she looks amazing, acts her socks off magnificently, and totally rules the movie.  After this, a second sequel is a no-brainer, because Wonder Woman remains the one DC superhero who’s truly capable of bearing the weight of this particular cinematic franchise on her powerful shoulders – needless to say, it’s already been greenlit, and with both Jenkins and Gadot onboard, I’m happy to sign up for more too …

8.  LOVE & MONSTERS – with the cinemas continuing their frustrating habit of opening for a little while and then closing while the pandemic ebbed and flowed in the months after the summer season, it was starting to look like there might not have been ANY big budget blockbusters to enjoy before year’s end as heavyweights like Black Widow, No Time To Die and Dune pulled back to potentially more certain release slots into 2021 (with only WW84 remaining stubbornly in place for Christmas).  Then Paramount decided to throw us a bone, opting to release this post-apocalyptic horror comedy on-demand in October instead, thus giving me the perfect little present to tie me over during the darkening days of autumn. The end result was a stone-cold gem that came out of nowhere to completely blow critics away, a spectacular sleeper hit that ultimately proved one of the year’s biggest and most brilliant surprises.  Director Michael Matthews may only have had South African indie thriller Five Fingers for Marseilles under his belt prior to this, but he proves he’s definitely a solid talent to watch in the future, crafting a fun and effective thrill-ride that, like all the best horror comedies, is consistently as funny as it is scary, sharing much of the same DNA as this particular mash-up genre’s classics like Tremors and Zombieland and standing up impressively well to such comparisons.  The story, penned by rising star Brian Duffield (who has TWO other entries on this list, Underwater and Spontaneous) and Matthew Robinson (The Invention of Lying, Dora & the Lost City of Gold), is also pretty ingenious and surprisingly original – a meteorite strike has unleashed weird mutagenic pathogens that warp various creepy crawly critters into gigantic monstrosities that have slaughter most of the world’s human population, leaving only a beleaguered, dwindling few to eke out a precarious living in underground colonies. Living in one such makeshift community is Joel Dawson (The Maze Runner’s Dylan O’Brien), a smart and likeable geek who really isn’t very adventurous, is extremely awkward and uncoordinated, and has a problem with freezing if threatened … which makes it all the more inexplicable when he decides, entirely against the advice of everyone he knows, to venture onto the surface so he can make the incredibly dangerous week-long trek to the neighbouring colony where his girlfriend Aimee (Iron Fist’s Jessica Henwick) has ended up.  Joel is, without a doubt, the best role that O’Brien has EVER had, a total dork who’s completely unsuited to this kind of adventure and, in the real world, sure to be eaten alive in the first five minutes, but he’s also such a fantastically believable, fallible everyman that every one of us desperate, pathetic omega-males and females can instantly put ourselves in his place, making it elementarily easy to root for him.  He’s also hilariously funny, his winningly self-deprecating sass and pitch perfect talent for physical comedy making it all the more rewarding watching each gloriously anarchic life-and-death encounter mould him into the year’s most unlikely action hero.  Henwick, meanwhile, once again impresses in a well-written role where she’s able to make a big impression despite her decidedly short screen time, as do the legendary Michael Rooker and brilliant newcomer Ariana Greenblatt as Clyde and Minnow, the adorably jaded, seen-it-all-before pair of “professional survivors” Joel meets en-route, who teach him to survive on the surface.  The action is fast, frenetic and potently visceral, the impressively realistic digital creature effects bringing a motley crew of bloodthirsty beasties to suitably blood-curdling life for the film’s consistently terrifying set-pieces, while the world-building is intricately thought-out and skilfully executed.  Altogether, this was an absolute joy from start to finish, and a film I enthusiastically endorsed to everyone I knew was looking for something fun to enjoy during the frustrating lockdown nights-in.  One of the cinematic year’s best kept secrets then, and a compelling sign of things to come for its up-and-coming director.

7.  PARASITE – I’ve been a fan of master Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-ho ever since I stumbled across his deeply weird but also thoroughly brilliant breakthrough feature The Host, and it’s a love that’s deepened since thanks to truly magnificent sci-fi actioner Snowpiercer, so I was looking forward to his latest feature as much as any movie geek, but even I wasn’t prepared for just what a runaway juggernaut of a hit this one turned out to be, from the insane box office to all that award-season glory (especially that undeniable clean-sweep at the Oscars). I’ll just come out and say it, this film deserves it all.  It’s EASILY Bong’s best film to date (which is really saying something), a masterful social satire and jet black comedy that raises some genuinely intriguing questions before delivering deeply troubling answers.  Straddling the ever-widening gulf between a disaffected idle rich upper class and impoverished, struggling lower class in modern-day Seoul, it tells the story of the Kim family – father Ki-taek (Bong’s good luck charm, Song Kang-ho), mother Chung-sook (Jang Hye-jin), son Ki-woo (Train to Busan’s Choi Woo-shik) and daughter Ki-jung (The Silenced’s Park So-dam) – a poor family living in a run-down basement apartment who live hand-to-mouth in minimum wage jobs and can barely rub two pennies together, until they’re presented with an intriguing opportunity.  Through happy chance, Ki-woon is hired as an English tutor for Park Da-hye (Jung Ji-so), the daughter of a wealthy family, which offers him the chance to recommend Ki-jung as an art tutor to the Parks’ troubled young son, Da-song (Jung Hyeon-jun). Soon the rest of the Kims are getting in on the act, the kids contriving opportunities for their father to replace Mr Park’s chauffeur and their mother to oust the family’s long-serving housekeeper, Gook Moon-gwang (Lee Jung-eun), and before long their situation has improved dramatically.  But as they two families become more deeply entwined, cracks begin to show in their supposed blissful harmony as the natural prejudices of their respective classes start to take hold, and as events spiral out of control a terrible confrontation looms on the horizon.  This is social commentary at its most scathing, Bong drawing on personal experiences from his youth to inform the razor-sharp script (co-written by his production assistant Han Jin-won), while he weaves a palpable atmosphere of knife-edged tension throughout to add spice to the perfectly observed dark humour of the situation, all the while throwing intriguing twists and turns at us before suddenly dropping such a massive jaw-dropper of a gear-change that the film completely turns on its head to stunning effect.  The cast are all thoroughly astounding, Song once again dominating the film with a turn at once sloppy and dishevelled but also poignant and heartfelt, while there are particularly noteworthy turns from Lee Sun-kyun as the Parks’ self-absorbed patriarch Dong-ik and Choi Yeo-jeong (The Concubine) as his flighty, easily-led wife Choi Yeon-gyo, as well as a fantastically weird appearance in the latter half from Park Myung-hoon.  This is heady stuff, dangerously seductive even as it becomes increasingly uncomfortable viewing, so that even as the screws tighten and everything goes to hell it’s simply impossible to look away.  Bong Joon-ho really has surpassed himself this time, delivering an existential mind-scrambler that lingers long after the credits have rolled and might even have you questioning your place in society once you’ve thought about it some. It deserves every single award and every ounce of praise it’s been lavished with, and looks set to go down as one of the true cinematic greats of this new decade.  Trust me, if this was a purely critical best-of list it’d be RIGHT AT THE TOP …

6.  THE OLD GUARD – Netflix’ undisputable TOP OFFERING of the summer came damn close to bagging the whole season, and I can’t help thinking that even if some of the stiffer competition had still been present it may well have still finished this high. Gina Prince-Blythewood (Love & Basketball, the Secret Life of Bees) directs comics legend Greg Rucka’s adaptation of his own popular series with uncanny skill and laser-focused visual flair considering there’s nothing on her previous CV to suggest she’d be THIS good at mounting a stomping great ultraviolent action thriller, ushering in a thoroughly engrossing tale of four ancient, invulnerable immortal warriors – Andy AKA Andromache of Scythia (Charlize Theron), Booker AKA Sebastian de Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe AKA Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Wolf’s Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky AKA Niccolo di Ginova (Trust’s Luca Marinelli) – who’ve been around forever, hiring out their services as mercenaries for righteous causes while jealously guarding their identities for fear of horrific experimentation and exploitation should their true natures ever be discovered.  Their anonymity is threatened, however, when they’re uncovered by former CIA operative James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who’s working for the decidedly dodgy pharmaceutical conglomerate run by sociopathic billionaire Steven Merrick (Harry Melling, formerly Dudley in the Harry Potter movies), who want to capture these immortals so they can patent whatever it is that makes them keep on ticking … just as a fifth immortal, US Marine Nile Freeman (If Beale Street Could Talk’s KiKi Layne), awakens after being “killed” on deployment in Afghanistan.  The supporting players are excellent, particularly Ejiofor, smart and driven but ultimately principled and deeply conflicted about what he’s doing, even if he does have the best of intentions, and Melling, the kind of loathsome, reptilian scumbag you just love to hate, but the film REALLY DOES belong to the Old Guard themselves – Schoenaerts is a master brooder, spot-on casting as the group’s relative newcomer, only immortal since the Napoleonic Wars but clearly one seriously old soul who’s already VERY tired of the lifestyle, while Joe and Nicky (who met on opposing sides of the Crusades) are simply ADORABLE, an unapologetically matter-of-fact gay couple who are sweet, sassy and incredibly kind, the absolute emotional heart of the film; it’s the ladies, however, that are most memorable here.  Layne is exceptional, investing Nile with a steely intensity that puts her in good stead as her new existence threatens to overwhelm her and MORE THAN qualified to bust heads alongside her elders … but it’s ancient Greek warrior Andy who steals the film, Theron building on the astounding work she did in Atomic Blonde to prove, once and for all, that there’s no woman on Earth who looks better kicking arse than her (as Booker puts it, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn”); in her hands, Andy truly is a goddess of death, tough as tungsten alloy and unflappable even in the face of hell itself, but underneath it all she hides a heart as big as any of her friends’.  They’re an impossibly lovable bunch and you feel you could follow them on another TEN adventures like this one, which is just as well, because Prince-Blythewood and Rucka certainly put them through their paces here – the drama is high (but frequently laced with a gentle, knowing sense of humour, particularly whenever Joe and Nicky are onscreen), as are the stakes, and the frequent action sequences are top-notch, executed with rare skill and bone-crunching zest, but also ALWAYS in service to the story.  Altogether this is an astounding film, a genuine victory for its makers and, it seems, for Netflix themselves – it’s become one of the platform’s biggest hits to date, earning well-deserved critical acclaim and great respect and genuine geek love from the fanbase at large.  After this, a sequel is not only inevitable, it’s ESSENTIAL …

5.  MANK – it’s always nice when David Fincher, one of my TOP FIVE ALL TIME FAVOURITE DIRECTORS, drops a new movie, because it can be GUARANTEED to place good and high in my rundown for that year.  The man is a frickin’ GENIUS, a true master of the craft, genuinely one of the auteur’s auteurs.  I’ve NEVER seen him deliver a bad film – even a misfiring Fincher (see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button or Alien 3) is still capable of creating GREAT CINEMA.  How? Why?  It’s because he genuinely LOVES the art form, it’s been his obsession all his life, and he’s spent every day of it becoming the best possible filmmaker he can be.  Who better to tell the story of the creation of one of the ULTIMATE cinematic masterpieces, then?  Benjamin Ross’ acclaimed biopic RKO 281 covered similar ground, presenting a compelling look into the making Citizen Kane, the timeless masterpiece of Hollywood’s ULTIMATE auteur, Orson Welles, but Fincher’s film is more interested in the original inspiration for the story, how it was written and, most importantly, the man who wrote it – Herman J. Mankiewicz, known to his friends as Mank. One of my favourite actors of all time, Gary Oldman, delivers yet another of his career best performances in the lead role, once a man of vision and incredible storytelling skill whose talents have largely been squandered through professional difficulties and personal vices, a burned out one-time great fallen on hard times whom Welles picks up out of the trash, dusts off and offers a chance to create something truly great again.  The only catch?  The subject of their film (albeit dressed up in the guise of fictional newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane) is to be real-life publisher, politico and tycoon William Randolph Hurst (Charles Dance), once Mank’s friend and patron before they had a very public and messy falling out which partly led to his current circumstances.  As he toils away in seclusion on what is destined to become his true masterwork, flashbacks reveal to us the fascinating, moving and ultimately tragic tale of his rise and fall from grace in the movie business, set against the backdrop of one of the most tumultuous periods in American history.  Shooting a script that his own journalist and screenwriter father, Jack, crafted and then failed to bring to the screen himself before his death in 2003, Fincher has been working for almost a quarter century to make this film, and all that passion and drive is writ large on the screen – this is a glorious film ABOUT film, the art of it, the creation of it, and all the dirty little secrets of what the industry itself has always really been like, especially in that most glamorous and illusory of times.  The fact that Fincher shot in black and white and intentionally made it look like it was made in the early 1940s (the “golden age of the Silver Screen”, if you will) may seem like a gimmick, but instead it’s a very shrewd choice that expertly captures the gloss and moodiness of the age, almost looking like a contemporary companion piece to Kane itself, and it’s the perfect way to frame all the sharp-witted observation, subtly subversive character development and murky behind-the-scenes machinations that tell the story.  Oldman is in every way the star here, holding the screen with all the consummate skill and flair we’ve come to expect from him, but there’s no denying the uniformly excellent supporting cast are equal to the task here – Dance is at his regal, charismatic best as Hearst, while Amanda Seyfried is icily classy on the surface but mischievous and lovably grounded underneath as Hearst’s mistress, Marion Davies, who formed the basis for Kane’s most controversial character, Arliss Howard (Full Metal Jacket, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Moneyball) brings nuance and complexity to the role of MGM founder Louis B. Mayer, Tom Pelphrey (Banshee, Ozark) is understated but compelling as Mank’s younger screenwriter brother Joseph, and Lily Collins and Tuppence Middleton exude class and long-suffering stubbornness as the two main women in Mank’s life (his secretary and platonic muse, Rita Alexander, and his wife, Sara), while The Musketeers’ Tom Burke’s periodic but potent appearances as Orson Welles help to drive the story in the “present”.  Another Netflix release which I was (thankfully) able to catch on the big screen during one of the brief lulls between British lockdowns, this was a decidedly meta cinematic experience that perfectly encapsulated not only what is truly required for the creation of a screen epic, but also the latest pinnacle in the career of one of the greatest filmmakers working in the business today, powerful, stirring, intriguing and surprising in equal measure. Certainly it’s one of the most important films ABOUT so far film this century, but is it as good as Citizen Kane?  Boy, that’s a tough one …

4.  ENOLA HOLMES – ultimately, my top film for the autumn/winter movie season was also the film which finally topped my Netflix Original features list, as well as beating all other streaming offerings for the entire year (which is saying something, as you should know by now).  Had things been different, this would have been one of Warner Bros’ BIGGEST releases for the year in the cinema, of that I have no doubt, a surprise sleeper hit which would have taken the world by storm – as it is it’s STILL become a sensation, albeit in a much more mid-pandemic, lockdown home-viewing kind of way.  Before you start crying oh God no, not another Sherlock Holmes adaptation, this is a very different beast from either the Guy Ritchie take or the modernized BBC show, instead side-lining the great literary sleuth in favour of a delicious new AU version, based on The Case of the Missing Marquess, the first novel in the Enola Holmes Mysteries literary series from American YA author Nancy Springer.  Positing that Sherlock Holmes (Henry Cavill) and his elder brother Mycroft (Sam Claflin) had an equally ingenious and precocious baby sister, the film introduces us to Enola (Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown), who’s been raised at home by their strong-willed mother Eudoria (Helena Bonham Carter) to be just as intelligent, well-read and intellectually skilled as her far more advantageously masculine elder siblings.  Then, on the morning of her sixteenth birthday, Enola awakens to find her mother has vanished, putting her in a pretty pickle since this leaves her a ward of Mycroft, a self-absorbed social peacock who finds her to be wilfully free-spirited and completely ill equipped to face the world, concluding that the only solution is sending her to boarding school where she’ll learn to become a proper lady.  Needless to say she’s horrified by the prospect, deciding to run away and search for her mother instead … this is about as perfect a family adventure film as you could wish for, following a vital, capable and compelling teen detective-in-the-making as she embarks on her very first investigation, as well as winding up tangled in a second to boot involving a young runaway noble, Viscount Tewkesbury, the Marquess of Basilwether (Medici’s Louis Partridge), and the film is a breezy, swift-paced and rewardingly entertaining romp that feels like a welcome breath of fresh air for a literary property which, beloved as it may be, has been adapted to death over the years.  Enola Holmes a brilliant young hero who’s perfectly crafted to carry the franchise forward in fresh new directions, and Brown brings her to life with effervescent charm, boisterous energy and mischievous irreverence that are entirely irresistible; Cavill and Claflin, meanwhile, are perfectly cast as the two very different brothers – this Sherlock is much less louche and world-weary than most previous versions, still razor sharp and intellectually restless but with a comfortable ease and a youthful spring in his step that perfectly suits the actor, while Mycroft is as superior and arrogant as ever, a preening arse we derive huge enjoyment watching Enola consistently get the best of; Bonham Carter doesn’t get a lot of screen-time but as we’d expect she does a lot with what she has to make the practical, eccentric and unapologetically modern Eudoria thoroughly memorable, while Partridge is carefree and likeable as the naïve but irresistible Tewkesbury, and there are strong supporting turns from Frances de la Tour as his stately grandmother, the Dowager, Susie Wokoma (Crazyhead, Truth Seekers) as Emily, a feisty suffragette who runs a jujitsu studio, Burn Gorman as dastardly thug-for-hire Linthorn, and Four Lions’ Adeel Akhtar as a particularly scuzzy Inspector Lestrade.  Seasoned TV director Harry Bradbeer (Fleabag, Killing Eve) makes his feature debut with an impressive splash, unfolding the action at a brisk pace while keeping the narrative firmly focused on an intricate mystery plot that throws in plenty of ingenious twists and turns before a suitably atmospheric climax and pleasing denouement which nonetheless artfully sets up more to come in the future, while screenwriter Jack Thorne (His Dark Materials, The Scouting Book for Boys, Wonder) delivers strong character work and liberally peppers the dialogue with a veritable cavalcade of witty zingers.  Boisterous, compelling, amusing, affecting and exciting in equal measure, this is a spirited and appealing slice of cinematic escapism that flatters its viewers and never talks down to them, a perfect little period adventure for a cosy Sunday afternoon.  Obviously there’s plenty of potential for more, and with further books to adapt there’s more than enough material for a pile of sequels – Neflix would be barmy indeed to turn their nose up at this opportunity …

3.  1917 – it’s a rare thing for a film to leave me truly shell-shocked by its sheer awesomeness, for me to walk out of a cinema in a genuine daze, unable to talk or even really think about much of anything for a few hours because I’m simply marvelling at what I’ve just witnessed.  Needless to say, when I do find a film like that (Fight Club, Inception, Mad Max: Fury Road) it usually earns a place very close to my heart indeed.  The latest tour-de-force from Sam Mendes is one of those films – an epic World War I thriller that plays out ENTIRELY in one shot, which doesn’t simply feel like a glorified gimmick or stunt but instead is a genuine MASTERPIECE of film, a mesmerising journey of emotion and imagination in a shockingly real environment that’s impossible to tear your eyes away from.  Sure, Mendes has impressed us before – his first film, American Beauty, is a GREAT movie, one of the most impressive feature debuts of the 2000s, while Skyfall is, in my opinion, quite simply THE BEST BOND FILM EVER MADE – but this is in a whole other league.  It’s an astounding achievement, made all the more impressive when you realise that there’s very little trickery at play here, no clever digital magic (just some augmentation here and there), it’s all real locations and sets, filmed in long, elaborately choreographed takes blended together with clever edits to make it as seamless as possible – it’s not the first film to try to do this (remember Birdman? Bushwick?), but I’ve never seen it done better, or with greater skill. But it’s not just a clever cinematic exercise, there’s a genuine story here, told with guts and urgency, and populated by real flesh and blood characters – the heart of the film is True History of the Kelly Gang’s George MacKay and Dean Chapman (probably best known as Tommen Baratheon in Game of Thrones) as Lance Corporals Will Schofield and Tom Blake, the two young tommies sent out across enemy territory on a desperate mission to stop a British regiment from rushing headlong into a German trap (Tom himself has a personal stake in this because his brother is an officer in the attack).  They’re a likeable pair, very human and relatable throughout, brave and true but never so overtly heroic that they stretch credibility, so when tragedy strikes along the way it’s particularly devastating; both deliver exceptional performances that effortlessly carry us through the film, and they’re given sterling support from a selection of top-drawer British talent, from Sherlock stars Andrew Scott and Benedict Cumberbatch to Mark Strong and Colin Firth, each delivering magnificently in small but potent cameos.  That said, the cinematography and art department are the BIGGEST stars here, masterful veteran DOP Roger Deakins (The Shawshank Redemption, Blade Runner 2049 and pretty much the Coen Brothers’ entire back catalogue among MANY others) making every frame sing with beauty, horror, tension or tragedy as the need arises, and the environments are SO REAL it feels less like production design than that someone simply sent the cast and crew back in time to film in the real Northern France circa 1917 – from a nightmarish trek across No Man’s Land to a desperate chase through a ruined French village lit only by dancing flare-light in the darkness before dawn, every scene is utterly immersive and simply STUNNING.  I don’t think it’s possible for Mendes to make a film better than this, but I sure hope he gives it a go all the same.  Either way, this was the most incredible, exhausting, truly AWESOME experience I had at the cinema all year – it’s a film that DESERVES to be seen on the big screen, and I feel truly sorry for those who missed the chance …

2.  BIRDS OF PREY & THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN – the only reason 1917 isn’t at number two is because Warner Bros.’ cinematic DC Extended Universe project FINALLY got round to bringing my favourite DC Comics title to the big screen.  It was been the biggest pleasure of my cinematic year getting to see my top DC superheroines brought to life on the big screen, and it was done in high style, in my opinion THE BEST of the DCEU films to date (yup, I loved it EVEN MORE than the Wonder Woman movies).  It was also great seeing Harley Quinn return after her show-stealing turn in David Ayer’s clunky but ultimately still hugely enjoyable Suicide Squad, better still that they got her SPOT ON this time – this is the Harley I’ve always loved in the comics, unpredictable, irreverent and entirely without regard for what anyone else thinks of her, as well as one talented psychiatrist.  Margot Robbie once more excels in the role she was basically BORN to play, clearly relishing the chance to finally do Harley TRUE justice, and she’s a total riot from start to finish, infectiously lovable no matter what crazy, sometimes downright REPRIHENSIBLE antics she gets up to.  Needless to say she’s the nominal star here, her latest ill-advised adventure driving the story – finally done with the Joker and itching to make her emancipation official, Harley publicly announces their breakup by blowing up Ace Chemicals (their love spot, basically), inadvertently painting a target on her back in the process since she’s no longer under the assumed protection of Gotham’s feared Clown Prince of Crime – but that doesn’t mean she eclipses the other main players the movie’s REALLY supposed to be about.  Each member of the Birds of Prey is beautifully written and brought to vivid, arse-kicking life by what had to be 2020’s most exciting cast – Helena Bertinelli, the Huntress, is the perfect character for Mary Elizabeth Winstead to finally pay off on that action hero potential she showed in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, but this is a MUCH more enjoyable role outside of the fight choreography because while Helena may be a world-class dark avenger, socially she’s a total dork, which just makes her thoroughly adorable; Rosie Perez is similarly perfect casting as Renee Montoya, the uncompromising pint-sized Gotham PD detective who kicks against the corrupt system no matter what kind of trouble it gets her into, and just gets angrier all the time, paradoxically making us like her even more; and then there’s the film’s major controversy, at least as far as the fans are concerned, namely one Cassandra Cain.  Sure, this take is VERY different from the comics’ version (a nearly mute master assassin who went on to become the second woman to wear the mask of Batgirl before assuming her own crime-fighting mantle as Black Bat and now Orphan), but personally I like to think this is simply Cass at THE VERY START of her origin story, leaving plenty of time for her to discover her warrior origins when the DCEU finally gets around to introducing her mum, Lady Shiva (personally I want Michelle Yeoh to play her, but that’s just me) – anyways, here she’s a skilled child pickpocket whose latest theft inadvertently sets off the larger central plot, and newcomer Ella Jay Basco brings a fantastic pre-teen irreverence and spiky charm to the role, beautifully playing against Robbie’s mercurial energy.  My favourite here BY FAR, however, is Dinah Lance, aka the Black Canary (not only my favourite Bird of Prey but my very favourite DC superheroine PERIOD), the choice of up-and-comer Jurnee Smollet-Bell (Friday Night Lights, Underground) proving to be the film’s most inspired casting – a club singer with the metahuman ability to emit piercing supersonic screams, she’s also a ferocious martial artist (in the comics she’s one of the very best fighters IN THE WORLD), as well as a wonderfully pure soul you just can’t help loving, and it made me SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY that they got my Canary EXACTLY RIGHT.  Altogether they’re a fantastic bunch of badass ladies, basically my perfect superhero team, and the way they’re all brought together (along with Harley, of course) is beautifully thought out and perfectly executed … they’ve also got one hell of a threat to overcome, namely Gotham crime boss Roman Sionis, the Black Mask, one of the Joker’s chief rivals – Ewan McGregor brings his A-game in a frustratingly rare villainous turn (my number one bad guy for the movie year), a monstrously narcissistic, woman-hating control freak with a penchant for peeling off the faces of those who displease him, sharing some exquisitely creepy chemistry with Chris Messina (The Mindy Project) as Sionis’ nihilistic lieutenant Victor Zsasz.  This is about as good as superhero cinema gets, a perfect example of the sheer brilliance you get when you switch up the formula to create something new, an ultra-violent, unapologetically R-rated middle finger to the classic tropes, a fantastic black comedy thrill ride that’s got to be the most full-on feminist blockbuster ever made – it’s helmed by a woman (Dead Pigs director Cathy Yan), written by a woman (Bumblebee’s Christina Hodson), produced by more women and ABOUT a bunch of badass women magnificently triumphing over toxic masculinity in all its forms.  It’s also simply BRILLIANT – the cast are all clearly having a blast, the action sequences are first rate (the spectacular GCPD evidence room fight in which Harley gets to REALLY cut loose is the undisputable highlight), it has a gleefully anarchic sense of humour and is simply BURSTING with phenomenal homages, references and in-jokes for the fans (Bruce the hyena! Stuffed beaver! Roller derby!).  It’s also got a killer soundtrack, populated almost exclusively by numbers from female artists.  Altogether, then, this is the VERY BEST the DCEU has to offer to date, and VERY NEARLY my absolute FAVOURITE film of 2020.  Give it all the love you can, it sure as hell deserves it.

1.  TENET – granted, the streaming platforms (particularly Netflix and Amazon) certainly saved our cinematic summer, but I’m still IMMEASURABLY glad that my ultimate top-spot winner FOR THE WHOLE YEAR was one I got to experience on THE BIG SCREEN. You gotta hand it to Christopher Nolan, he sure hung in there, stubbornly determined that his latest cinematic masterpiece WOULD be released in cinemas in the summer (albeit ultimately landing JUST inside the line in the final week of August and ultimately taking the bite at the box office because of the still shaky atmosphere), and it was worth all the fuss because, for me, this was THE PERFECT MOVIE for me to get return to cinemas with.  I mean, okay, in the end it WASN’T the FIRST new movie I saw after the first reopening, that honour went to Unhinged, but THIS was my first real Saturday night-out big screen EXPERIENCE since March.  Needless to say, Nolan didn’t disappoint this time any more than he has on any of his consistently spectacular previous releases, delivering another twisted, mind-boggling headfuck of a full-blooded experiential sensory overload that comes perilously close to toppling his long-standing auteur-peak, Inception (itself second only by fractions to The Dark Knight as far as I’m concerned). To say much at all about the plot would give away major spoilers – personally I’d recommend just going in as cold as possible, indeed you really should just stop reading this right now and just GO SEE IT.  Still with us?  Okay … the VERY abridged version is that it’s about a secret war being waged between the present and the future by people capable of “inverting” time in substances, objects, people, whatever, into which the Protagonist (BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington), an unnamed CIA agent, has been dispatched in order to prevent a potential coming apocalypse. Washington is once again on top form, crafting a robust and compelling morally complex heroic lead who’s just as comfortable negotiating the minefields of black market intrigue as he is breaking into places or dispatching heavies, Kenneth Branagh delivers one of his most interesting and memorable performances in years as brutal Russian oligarch Andrei Sator, a genuinely nasty piece of work who was ALMOST the year’s very best screen villain, Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Widows) brings strength, poise and wounded integrity to the role of Sator’s estranged wife, Kat, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets to use his own accent for once as tough-as-nails British Intelligence officer Ives, while there are brief but consistently notable supporting turns and cameos from Martin Donovan, Yesterday’s Himesh Patel, Dirk Gently’s Fiona Dourif and, of course, Nolan’s good luck charm, Michael Caine.  The cast’s biggest surprise, however, is Robert Pattinson, truly a revelation in what has to be, HANDS DOWN, his best role to date, Neil, the Protagonist’s mysterious handler – he’s by turns cheeky, slick, duplicitous and thoroughly badass, delivering an enjoyably multi-layered, chameleonic performance which proves what I’ve long maintained, that the former Twilight star is actually a fucking amazing actor, and on the basis of this, even if that amazing new teaser trailer wasn’t making the rounds, I think the debate about whether or not he’s the right choice for the new Batman is now academic.  As we’ve come to expect from Nolan, this is a TRUE tour-de-force experience, a visual triumph and an endlessly engrossing head-scratcher, Nolan’s screenplay bringing in seriously big ideas and throwing us some major narrative knots and loopholes, constantly wrong-footing the viewer while also setting up truly revelatory payoffs from seemingly low-key, unimportant beginnings – this is a film you need to be awake and attentive for or you could miss something pretty vital. The action sequences are, as ever, second to none, some of the year’s very best set-pieces coming thick and fast and executed with some of the most accomplished skill in the business, while Nolan-regular cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar and Dunkirk, as well as the heady likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, SPECTRE and Ad Astra) once again shows he’s one of the best camera-wizards in the business today by delivering some absolutely mesmerising visuals.  Notably, Nolan’s other regular collaborator, composer Hans Zimmer, is absent here (although he had good reason, since he was working on his dream project at the time, the fast-approaching screen adaptation of Dune), but Ludwig Göransson (best known for his collaborations with Ryan Coogler Fruitvale Station, Creed and Black Panther, as well as career-best work on The Mandalorian) is a fine replacement, crafting an intriguingly internalised, post-modern musical landscape that thrums and pulses in time with the story and emotions of the characters rather than the action itself. Interestingly it’s on the subject of sound that some of the film’s rare detractions have been levelled, and I can see some of the points – the soundtrack mix is an all-encompassing thing, and there are times when the dialogue can be overwhelmed, but in Nolan’s defence this film is a heady, immersive experience, something you really need to concentrate on, so these potential flaws are easily forgiven.  As a work of filmmaking art, this is another flawless wonder from one of the true masters of the craft working in cinema today, but it’s art with palpable substance, a rewarding whole that proved truly unbeatable in 2020 …

[glitterfairy-21225]

WandaVision Wishlist/Theories

Okay, my thoughts have pretty much been consumed by WandaVision, Spider-Man 3, and this whole multiverse. Ironically, when I first heard about a potential multiverse in Far From Home I was relieved to find out it was all a facade. I wanted the MCU to remain an isolated world in itself, I guess not really understanding what a multiverse story could lead to. Now that I have a grasp of what might be happening, I have not only changed my mind but I've fallen into my fanfiction trend of waking up each morning, going through the day, actively going and looking for old news, hoping for a new update of some sort. So my wishlist. Some ground rules first; I'll also write individual wishlists for the others, this is just for WandaVision but also some of the stuff pays off later and I'll talk about that.

Evan Peters Quicksilver. I've said this multiple times so I'll keep it quick. I keep telling myself to just accept a cameo, but I hope he plays a big part, maybe coming back to help in Doctor Strange, maybe bringing his universe's heroes with him. I sort of see Wanda having a breakdown at the end of one of the episodes and doing something freaky with her powers, and it ends on the wham shot of Peter Maximoff asking who she is. I. Would. Scream.

I've also said that I'd be happy if he plays Mephisto as predicted, but now that I've really thought about a Quicksilver.... That might not be true anymore. That being said, I think the main appeal for me at least would be seeing Peters pull out his American Horror Story acting chops. But that's only if it's not Quicksilver, which I don't see why they wouldn't.

Post credits scene. Now I'm not suggesting one after every episode.... Actually, maybe one after every episode. Why not? It would probably get old quick though, but maybe still. Anyways, what if in the final episode, we get a post credits scene of Wiccan and Speed getting reincarnated. 

Okay, so you know how there's a dream related song playing from every decade they're parodying? For the eighties, do Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This. There may be a better choice for that, but shut up no there isn't. Plus all that stuff about abuse could be applicable to Wanda's situation with her reality world.

Give Jimmy Woo a boyfriend.

Wanda gets her reality warping/hex magic and is revealed to be a mutant. I struggle to even put this because it seems like a given, but a part of me is still like, 'What if they don't, though.' And I can't accept that. Wanda Maximoff is one of the most powerful beings in Marvel. Act like it. I'm sorry, I just love her and her comic powers so much. That's how you write an overpowered goddess, by giving her a crap life and every reason to just explode. I'm glad Marvel's learning.

Maybe start an episode with a prologue of Wanda's backstory with the missiles and her and Pietro going to Hydra. Trailer breakdowns have determined that at points in the trailer it shows Wanda in her first appearance in Winter Soldier. I'd prefer if, either as a basic flashback or a break of reality causing a hyper real flashback, Wanda relives her powers being unlocked by the soul stone firsthand. This could also be a nod to mutants.

Erik Lehnsherr cameo. In another start of an episode, or the same one, show him helping them out as kids. Maybe even Erik giving them up for adoption. Either Wanda doesn't know he's her dad or she does and hates him. If it's the latter, they joined the Nazis out of resentment, because... Come on. Also, maybe he's raising Lorna Dane post plane crash as a foil to his relationship with Wanda.

Show Wanda's struggle. Since House of M is a major inspiration they should draw from that. In that story, Wanda's powers got out of control due to grief and pretty everyone was all for killing her. I kind of hate that when it comes to god level superwomen, they're all either evil or written like Captain Marvel, obvious exceptions aside. The way you write overpowered is by giving the character no control over the massive abilities and having that as a point of contention. 

Two paths for Agatha. A) She’s a villain. Either she works for Mephisto if we go down that route, or she actively encourages Wanda to stay in this strange universe and pushes her on when she has a breakdown. She seems confused but I hope this is either an act, or if not then she just goes with the chaos and uses it to her advantage.

B) Agatha Harkness as a former mentor/mother figure of Wanda's. She seems really confused and not in a fake way in the trailers. Though it could 100% be fake. Maybe the reason she is in Wanda's sitcom world is as she tried to get through to Wanda, like I think Monica Rambeau did. Maybe Wanda's mother was a witch like in the comics (after a shitty retcon) and Agatha raised them after them after their (adoptive?) parents died... Ooh!

Wanda has both magic powers and mutant abilities. Agatha taught her as a child, but she swore it off at some point for some reason. I think I finally understand her powers in the comics, because it never made sense to me, but this does. Simple explanations equal understanding I guess.

Wanda's headpiece. Not as a Halloween costume, but for real that's all. Also I heard someone theorize that her outfit is colored as a sort of couples matching with Vision, which, uh, yes please.

Wanda creates the reality herself, not Mephisto. He still feeds off this dilemma though. She doesn’t know what she’s doing or how she’s doing it, but at some point in the series she realizes what’s happening and decides to devote herself to the false reality, which is when she willingly changes the furniture in the trailer.

As excited as I am for Evan Peters, give ATJ Quicksilver some love as well. I heard that the actor doesn’t want to return to the MCU, which is fair, but still give him some love. And at some point before Evan Peters shows up so it’s not like, ‘Oh yeah, I remember him!’ Maybe a flashback to Wanda before entering the sitcom reality mourning him as well. Maybe sitcoms where everything is wrapped up with a pretty bow is how the twins coped as children. Hell, maybe it was a family thing with dead parents/Magneto/Harkness.

God, I hope that people don’t find this after the show comes out and says, ‘This would’ve been better than that travesty.’ Maybe after the show is completed I could reblog or something to see how much actually came to fruition one way or another. Just the basic wish though, because my brain is too specific for anyone else. Like when youtubers make movie predictions and then play bingo after it comes out.

Edit: Just realizing I didn’t title this... Shit.

[royalstorm]

the zodiac(’s) killer (ass)  *  part 1 / ?

a jennifer’s body parody fic ft. mona as jennifer and keqing as needy;

for @astralreflections because: gay rights and i’m bored at work

“You’re killing people.”

“No, I’m killing boys.”

Keqing awakens sometime in the middle of the night to Mona―who she hasn’t spoken to in over two years―knocking at her door and retching at her feet. 

First of all: disgusting.

Second of all: how dare she?

Despite the tension that still buzzes between them when they exchange glares during passing period, Keqing has yet to do anything as vile as puking on her ex-best friend.

To make matters worse, the vomit’s gross. Not rollercoaster victim gross or meningeal tuberculosis gross ... instead, consider horror movie gross: a substance that is black and tar-like and would, quite frankly, give The Exorcist and Evil Dead and Insidious several runs for their money. 

Keqing’s also sure there’s an animal carcass―or a chunk of an animal carcass; possibly a raccoon; the tail is striped and vaguely curly―floating in the thick substance now staining her favorite cat slippers—the ones that Mona had gifted her herself during their sandbox days.

Mona amends her posture, shoulders loosening and spine straightening. She spends a few seconds adjusting the Peter Pan collar of her dress before looking up at Keqing with a grotesquely vacant expression. She coughs. Black spittle gathers at the corners of her mouth and dribbles down her chin.

“Surprise?” she tries. “Happy Venus in retrograde?” A weak smile flickers on her face.

“What the fuck?” Keqing exclaims. Though she’s not the biggest fan of cursing, there’s really and truly nothing else for her to say. Mona’s (potentially radioactive) vomit aside, they haven’t talked in two years. Sure, they were seated together for chemistry class at the beginning of the year, but Mona switched out of that period shortly after. 

Now, she’s puking on Keqing’s front porch as if it were nothing.

Mona wordlessly shoves Keqing aside and scrambles to the kitchen, holding herself up against the wall. Typical. No consideration for the fact that Keqing must now gulp down her pride and string together a “parent-friendly” explanation as to why the walls and floors of the family home have been spontaneously painted over ... with black vomit, of all things.

She follows closely after Mona, inches away from booking it and quarantining with her neighbors, when she finds her kneeling in front of the fridge.

To her dismay, Mona hadn’t been seeking out organic yogurt or the strawberries Keqing had picked fresh that morning. 

She’s ... shoveling ... raw meat into her mouth too quickly—too inhumanly—for comfort.

“Mona. Seriously, what is going on? Should I call Kamaria?”

Mona’s head snaps up. She hisses at Keqing. 

It’s then that Keqing notices that those are not her teeth. Those teeth are sharp and smeared in blood and rotten ... something. She couldn’t quite tell what exactly, but then again ... did she really want to know?

Mona hisses once again, the sound somehow more feral than last time.

Okay. Oh-fucking-kay. This has gotten too weird.

“Know what? I’m over whatever this is,” Keqing declares through gritted teeth. “You can stop me from calling Kamaria, but you can’t stop me from calling an ambulance.” She reaches for the home phone (conveniently) strung up on the kitchen wall.

A hand slams her wrist against the cupboard right beside it. Keqing yelps. The phone flies out of her grip and topples to the floor. Its dial resounds in the kitchen as Mona presses the length of her body against her. She then dips her head low and brushes her lips to the skin of Keqing’s throat. 

The air wafting between them reeks of unpleasantries. Death, burnt hair, wet soil. And more rot. And more blood. Keqing can feel her heart beating in her eardrums.

Admittedly, she has had this dream before, except Mona never puked on her nor did she have the fangs of a prehistoric animal as teeth ... so, in retrospect, this was nowhere near as fun.

“Mona?” she whispers, voice trembling.

Mona pulls away with a growl. She releases Keqing and disappears in a blink, far more quickly than any reasonable person could credit to “hot girl season” or those white girl-esque fitspiration Pinterest boards.

Keqing sinks to the floor in disbelief, knees first. She touches the skin of her throat still warm from the press of Mona’s lips.

“What the fuck,” she says again.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Scream Anon* Thank you so much for sharing that!! I'll have to read it (and def not also add it to my lonnnnng list of marked for later fics. I feel you bb ) Also yay Scream fans! The original is the best - but have you liked all the sequels too?

Oh man ok I'm a little tipsy and eating a full sheet cake in bed like a little gremlin and now I'm going to talk about the Scream franchise.

The first one is obviously the best, I am obsessed with Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard, they were absolutely perfect. I loved that it was funny without being dumb (do not get me started on those parody movies? blah). Like everything about it is great except for the parts where Sydney is made to feel guilty for not having sex  (its the line about her being sexually anorexic that always makes me cringe). But like UGH the part in the kitchen at the end? I genuinely think that's where my men covered in blood kink started, with Billy. Have I ever shared that here? (Btw it's like my dream to be in a horror movie and just be DOUSED with fake blood. Also when I was a kid I used to get nose bleeds really bad and instead of trying to stop them with a tissue, I'd just lean over the sink and watch the blood drip into it and make patterns? no? Just me? I definitely shouldn't have typed this, you're saying?)

The second one was mediocre. It was fine, but it definitely felt like any other 90's teen slasher movie (which is a genre I ADORE, so I still enjoyed it). Her bf singing in the lunch room though, GOD what a terrible scene. And they went too hard on the meta with the scenes in the classroom. But I still like all the characters, plus Buffy! The villain was nowhere near as good, but how could they be?

The third... well, it's the one I've watched the least (of the original trilogy). There are definitely good parts, but man was it overwritten with her mom's backstory and the secret brother? And then the random cop love interest? Sure. I did like the way it ended though, with her finding some sort of peace.

When the fourth came out, I was not expecting to like it because I loved the series so much and I was like they're gonna ruin it, but OH MAN did I enjoy it. I've only seen it like twice but I remember thinking it was my second favorite, right after the first movie. So my official ranking is 1, 4, 2, 3. I think I mostly just really appreciated the villain, because 2 & 3 felt really bland.

Obvs these are just my opinions I feel like I need to add?

[toonqueen]

Duckvember 2020

--Ponder--

Linking to an old playlist of mine BUT also including why I have these songs on there. Kinda fits the ponder theme okay. I’m trying I’m so behind here *SOB*��

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-BLrUhg7cOKMsu8bGh4CBh5C3EVXCUpy

This is my generic duck feels playlist I use when writing but I often have so many other playlists I use it's insaneeee but this is a nice beginning base until I get a feel for a story to make its own playlist haaaa. 

**Joywave - Bad Dreams*** 

-Ominous feel that some shady end of the world stuff is happening song. One of the main things I put this song to is Magica having a premonition of something bad is going to happen. But she doesn’t have the best rep with powerful magic types and with hero types so she has to make a ragtag team willing to help her. Haaa. Mind you in my headcanon the De Spell family line started by a witch that had a really good future sight so Magica takes it seriously and I GUESS she has to like… stop the world from ending. 

**M83 ft. HAIM - Holes in the Sky***

-Another ominous oh crap bad stuff is happening song wheee. I had an idea that I ended up using in a Duckverse RP of some of the alien hats from Darkwing being a different set of alien hats that were actual powerful witches. The RP I ended up having was for a parody of Hocus Pocus. What I attach this song to is where the hat set grab Magica, Gladstone, and an OC thats a powerful De Spell sibling (that's a whole other story.) That leaves Poe to defeat them save the Earth the usual. My headcanon for Poe is he cannot cast magic but has a wide knowledge of artifacts and spells. Could arm himself with some good magical artifacts. He ALSO would make a ragtag team to try to stop the 3 most powerful magic based people controlled by alien hats. That team would include Fethry and Gyro lol. Notice this song is a lot more postive than Magica’s Bad Dreams song because Poe’s being more positive about getting it done. Magica’s more ‘well we’re going to die anyways might as well TRY” and Poe is ‘ WE’RE GONNA DO THIS AND WE’RE GONNA MAKE IT OMG. Once I get over this crippling depression that I’m useless. Whee.”

**Do You Realize - Ursine Vulpine***

-Vague sad song for sad things. Main reason I had this song is for my Mighty Ducks the Animated Series headcanons for Drake Ducaine. I pretty much kill off all this family and friends in the past. You know, the war, saving stuff. SACRIFICING THEMSELVES SO HE CAN LIVE. His young daughter makes it. Am I not merciful. 

**My Tears are Becoming the Sea - M83***

-Really acidy trippy sad song. Great for fighting elder gods. For my main RPing OC’s on Duckverse this goes with some scenes of their past. Other main thing I use it for is Mighty Ducks the Animated Series I have it for Wildwing’s death.. Haaaa. I kill him off in his 60’s when he has to help save the 2nd Gen team (All the kids of the first team.) Well you know. He’s like the only duck chars I kill off ‘youngish.’ I dunno why most of these story ideas came in high school FRICK. 

**In A Heartbeat - In the House***

-I have loved this song from the second it was in 28 Days Later. I do not have one defined story line plot or character this goes to. I would put it on every song list I had if I felt like I could get away from it. EXCELLENT ATMOSPHERE.

**The Darkest Evening of the Year***

-Another great ominous atmosphere song. I stick this one with Gladstone but don’t put it on my actual Gladstone playlist for being too dark?!? I put it with him finding out what I headcanon the origins of his luck. AND OH BOY. I really want to give the vibe of that scene like some suspense/horror energy let me tell you.

**No Time for Caution - Hans Zimmer***

-Great like, ‘team prepares to fight a boss fight’ type music. Let's do this. We can fight an elder god. LETS GO!!!! But still that bit of dark tone like - hmmm we may not be successful. Ahhhhh.I also think of Tanya from Mighty Ducks working late fixing something or lawd taking care of a teammate gotta find a cure for something. They just gave this woman all the jobs. AGH. 

**Happiness Does Not Wait - Olafur Arnalds***

-A sad yet happy tune. That mix of energy. This one I put with Grandma Duck. In my headcanon all her adult kids have since past but you know all her grandkids visit all the time. It's kinda weird that like, the whole gen in between was wiped out but uh, I have a reason plotted out for that. But you know, Grandma little sad all her kids are gone but sees them in her now adult grandkids ahhh. 

**Low Gravity - Hugo Kant***

-Actually ModMad suggested this one to me when I shared this playlist with them when they made the “Over the Rainbow’ comic. Shared it because it really fit this playlist so I could not  not share ahhh. Anyways. That's one of my top fav comics by Modmad, and actually in an unrelated way inspired some of the backstory for the two main OC’s I RP in Duckverse. Wheeee.

**Everything You Do is a Balloon - Boards of Canada***

-A good ominous ‘the hero has won but at what cost’ energy. This is a song I’ve had for ages and directly put to the abuse I put Drake Ducaine through. I’m so sorry. Weh. I literally have a separate playlist that is Drake Ducaine/Wildwing anxiety cuz I headcanon Wildwing the reincarnate of Drake Ducaine because of COURSE. 

**Goodbye to a World - Small Dust/Porter Robinson Cover***

-I just love music like this. First used this song for Mighty Ducks because the previous life of Drake Ducaine I had be a little duck boy that showed kindness to a Saurian Goddess and she ended up taking the Duck side in whatever fight went down and well the rest is history which will I ever write a story for I dunno. And in the next life as Drake Ducaine the Goddess also reincarnated in a mortal body so they get to work together again yay. This is also one of the main themes I use for my Duck OC’s Felicity and Faustina. In RP land uh they’re from an alternate universe that got all ate up by an elder god and they were the only two survivors cuz some weird luck and magic runs in their family. Their version is a more trippy version here:  https://youtu.be/HzuHAMg1Hng OH WAIT I’M WRONG THEIR MAIN THEME IS A DIFFERENT PORTER ROBINSON SONG HAAA still enjoy. 

**Soldier - Fleurie***

-I use this song several times for Gladstone. Mainly for one story I DO plan to write someday I have so many parts of it done. Anyways he screws up big time and has to fix a problem while he still have luck that works on him, he needs to actually do something to solve the problem and its grueling and takes  a long time and travel around the world and bad stuff just happening to those around him and AHHH. Anyways.  Also a good song for Djinn in new Ducktales theres stories I have reason for his for him let me tell you someday. Ha. 

**Battle Cry - Imagine Dragons***

-A great mello fight song for everything. Just. Some good shit. Heroes making sacrifices. Stuff going down. Hidden powers having to be used getting exposed but you GOTTA SAVE THE WORLD. 

**Elephant Survival - Emancipator***

-A good song for villains to think about their feelings. I loved this song when I came across it. I put it to my headcanon for Negaverse Gladstone. And a little Gladstone in there too. There is a darker mix here: https://youtu.be/59A3k8tpPMI

**Do You Realize - The Flaming Lips***

-This song again but with a slight positive energy?!? Dying and seeing loved ones that passed on kinda vibe. BUT ALSO I abuse reincarnation tropes so bad. This is a good reincarnation trope song. Lawd. 

**Saturn - Sleeping at Last***

-Roll Credits energy to a movie that ended not happy but not sad just the normal in between of life. There is a really good Poe De Spell short story I need to finish that makes me think of this song. I also put it to Drake Ducaine who supposedly dies of old age having saved and rebuilt Puckworld Society. That's a lot of pressure to put on a guy y’all. Also fits my abuse of reincarnate trope abuse. Also for some Djinn x Gene okay like they’re gonna adopt a lot of kids and all those kids are going to write stuff down to their kids like how Djinn writes stuff down and they’re gonna tell stories of their great great great great great grandparents Djinn and Gene forever OKAY.

Anyways, have some feels y'all. 

[evening-blossoms]

SGE movie ideas aka me and Miles pretend to be movie producers for... hours, ig

That's right ya'll thats gonna be a list of brainstorming me and @filipofmounthonora made for the possible SGE adaptation

So let's break it down

1: Screentime and Representation

ACTUAL HESTADIL SCENES

More screentime for Tagatha if possible

Dot. FOR FUCKS SAKE DO NOT MAKE HER WEIGHT THE BUTT OF JOKES 

Maybe more poc characters??? East-Asian Agatha, Black Hester, Black Dot seem to be popular hcs - Miles has a Black Tedros w Vitiligo design, a very interesting concept and this Ted looks so fucking cute jfc- aaand I digress

More LGBT and poc rep overall 

2: Visuals

IF the chosen media is animation, a good idea would be to shift art styles being Gavaldon and the Schools. Our idea was to make each world be seen through the other’s eyes - SGE’s art  style is a storybook-esque one, whilst Gavaldon, which is shown to the Woods through Sader’s painting, is animated in an oil painting style (example for this style - Loving Vincent). A semi-realistic style would be good for this.

No matter live-action or animation, variation in color palette is a good tool for setting mood - a desaturated, washed out palette for the sequences in Gavaldon, bright vivid colors in SGE, which could get darker as Sophie’s descends into Evil and the rift between her and Agatha gets starker: and to symbolize how unhinged Sophie is, use saturated, harsh colors contrasting with the darkness - perhaps red?

SPEAKING OF GAVALDON - have the clothing and buildings have a picturesque design (as described by the book), but washed out colors to give off the feeling of bleakness it does as you read the book

Have shots in the School for Evil be closer and more claustrophobic, given that sense of prison - which goes well with the fact students of Evil are essentially doomed and hopeless

Meanwhile, shots in the School for Good are wider, focusing on the grandeur of everything

Also slight palette changes on the Tagatha scenes for a dreamy feel

3: Soundtrack

Given the fairy-tale setting, an orchestral soundtrack is the best shot

FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IN. NO. POP. MUSIC. PLEASE

Like seriously ESPECIALLY if its put over a montage it cheapens the production so much hhhhh

Quick diversion: The best setting for pop music in Fantasy scenarios like this is either parody (like say, Shrek lmao) Or to replicate a feeling or highlight the opulence/shallowness of a group - although not fantasy, Marie Antoinette (2006) and Great Gatsby (2013)  are good examples of this

However, SGE really doesn’t fit any of these scenarios so an orchestral music would be the best shot here

Gavaldon should either have a simple, string-instrument based score or be mostly silent

The Real Fun begins at SGE

For the School for Evil, instruments like oboes can create a quite eery feeling - basically a horror movie-esque track

The School Masters theme could borrow some elements from Evil, that get more noticeable once his true nature is revealed

The School for Good could flip between a dainty, delicate track for the Evergirls and a Militaristic, trumpet/horn/etc based track for the Everboys - yes STUPIDLY Gendered but the School for Good is MEANT to be like this

Agathas theme could borrow some aspects of the Everboys’; Tedros’ from the Evergirls’ maybe?

Sophies theme should get more dissonant and chaotic the more Evil she becomes; one single Borrow from modern could be used there - electric guitar paired with classical instruments to add to a chaotic feel

Again: a dreamy feel for the Tagatha scenes - which suits their quick romance and just,,, yeah. Although it uses more electronic sounds, the Blade Runner soundtrack is amazing at these feelings (google “Tears In The Rain” if you havent watched the movie). Curious on how this feel could be translated into orchestra

NOTE: the dreamy feel for Tagatha is because of how distant the memories felt in AWWP and also how brief and kind of rushed it was - a bit like a dream. Plus, it's good for a romantical atmosphere

4: Scenes

So these are some scene ideas 

First is the intro of the movie - it could start with Sophie’s dream. But with a slight change - she dances with various princes, going from prince to prince but always attempting to reach one specific prince. Right as she spins from Prince A’s arms into That Prince, the camera zooms in onto Sophie. When it zooms out, she has stopped and is no longer in the Ball - she’s now sitting in bed as Stefan locks her window

For the very last scene, we could have the palette starting to desaturate again as Sophie and Agatha are sent home Or if we’re going for animation, the art style starts to revert to oil painting - brush strokes start to become noticeable from the corners of the screen as the scenario changes, until Sophie and Agatha are holding each other by the lake. The movie ends in that shot

Sooo yeah thats it!!! It came off a bit messy but this was pretty much a compilation of messages lmao

[proxylynn]

Lynchtale: File Name Game of Death #7

Chapter 7: Lead not into temptation but obsession

WARNING: THIS IS A MATURE STORY THAT WILL HAVE BLOOD, GORE, PSYCHOLOGICAL SURVIVAL HORROR, HEAVY CURSING, AND LIKELY SEXUAL THEMES/BONING. I DO NOT OWN UNDERTALE, THAT BELONGS TO LORD TOBY FOX. I DO NOT OWN DEAD BY DAYLIGHT, THAT BELONGS TO BEHAVIOUR DIGITAL INC.. I DON'T OWN THE AU'S THAT SOME OF THE CHARACTERS COME FROM, THEY BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE CREATORS. I NOW OWN THE IDEA FOR LYNCHTALE, WHICH USED TO BELONG TO PUNNYSIDEUP (AKA. SANSFULPUNS). I ALSO OWN MY SELF-INSERT OC ANOMALY LYNSIE AND A LOVE OF FAN PARODY. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, THEN CONGRATULATIONS ON EITHER BEING ONE WITH STRONG DETERMINATION OR AN ENDLESS WILL TO OVERCOME THE CHALLENGE OF STOMACHING WHAT I HAVE IN MIND. EITHER WAY, IF YOU LIKE THIS AND/OR MY OTHER CONTENT. SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE ETERNAL PUNISHMENT. HAVE FUN SINNERS. ^_^

David and Lynsie stay in the fog for a long while. Telling dumb jokes and ridiculous stories. Wanting to build a better connection, David goes into detail on how his life changed before he found himself in this nightmare. She had to admit to herself, when he opens up, he is more enthralling than any movie.

King scrunches his broken fist. Cheers and hollers from a drunk crowd echo through the alleyway. He stares at his fallen opponent. Bleeding face. Busted nose. Chipped teeth. He kicks him in the mouth to put the finishing touches on his handiwork. He never lost a fight. Not now, not ever. Always bet on King. He glances over the crowd. Spots Donnie. An old friend with a gambling problem. Not much of a problem if he continues to bet on me. King looks at his watch. He's late for a family meeting.

King's father gives his mother hell for talking back for something he didn't quite understand. It's always the same crap. King grinds his teeth. Blood and warmth rush up his face. Every scrap. Every single one he won, because he saw his father's face on his opponent. He wants to lash out. To say something. Anything. But to say something is to be cut off. But this time he's not thinking straight. Or maybe he is. His father raises a hand to strike his mother. It happens faster than the thought to perceive it. One moment he snatches his father's arm. The next he's beating him black and blue for years of accumulated shit. He walks away while his mother tries to help his father up. You're out! Never show your face here again! Ungrateful bastard! Get out!

He never really had friends. Not real ones, anyway. He had an entourage. A group of sods enjoying the high life with his credit card. Now he has no one. Not a single bloody friend to help him out. He had friends once upon a time in school. But that was long ago. He needs money. But money doesn't grow on trees and no one wants to challenge him. Not after what he did to his last opponent. He needs a job. His accounts are near empty and his old careless spending habits are hard to break.

He meets with Tommy. Tommy has no room for him in his apartment. Wishes he did, but he doesn't. Mick wants to help but his old lady won't let him. Same with Bill and Harry. His ex has moved on and she doesn't want to see his face. Something about being a shithead. He can't live in a hotel room forever, it drains the account. He remembers a face he recently spotted in a crowd at his last scrap. They were friends since they were toddlers. He was a genuine friend even if they went separate ways. King looks him up. Castledrive. He hails a taxi.

King hasn't felt real in a long time. He sits in Donnie's apartment drinking old ale, realizing how much he misses genuine heart-to-hearts. Donnie was his friend before he realized he came from money. The rich aren't really rich. He's not sure why he thinks this or what it means. It's just a random thought. The ale talking as it were. Donnie says he can stay until he figures things out. He's not sure when that will be. It doesn't matter. A sudden rap at the door startles him. Donnie stands. Opens the door to reveal a few men in black leather jackets. Muscle. King doesn't hear much. What he does hear he doesn't like. Donnie owes money and can expect a bundle of lead in the face if he doesn't pay. He laughs when he returns to the kitchen table. It's your fault, King. I don't know who to bet on anymore.

King lost his last three jobs and is going back to what he does best. A challenger steps into the circle in the dimly lit alley. Double his size. Massive. King doesn't care. A head's a head. He'll go down like the others. Crowd calls him the Ghetto Masher. The Ghetto Masher glares at him. The ref spits out rules he's heard a thousand times. King stares at him...and sees...not his father but his opponent.

A bell sounds. With a bestial snarl, the Ghetto Masher lunges. King evades a wild blow that would have ripped his head off. He feels strange. Unresponsive. Confused. Donnie screams at him. He glances at him as he receives a massive fist to the skull. Black swirls across his eyes. He doesn't remember the thud against his skull. He doesn't remember his legs buckling. He doesn't even remember collapsing in a pile of festering, garbage. He only remembers waking up on the couch in Donnie's apartment. He's lost his edge. His anger. His rage. His hate. Was that all he was? Donnie's asking if he's okay and he's not sure. Am I okay? Will I be better? I don't know. Was it just a fluke? A lucky shot? Happens to the best. I feel wrecked. I am wrecked. Donnie bet the last of his cash on him.

King's getting the hang of working behind a bar. Donnie sips a beer and tells him he needs to find another reason to fight. King tells Donnie he needs to get home before the beer he's drinking turns to piss. Before he gets in trouble. Too late. King spots two men. They approach Donnie. Grab him. Usher him into the basement. Not a good sign. King rushes to help but his manager yells at him to stay behind the bar. Screw it.

He leaps over the bar and rushes to the basement where he finds Donnie being beaten by Ghetto Masher with Uncle Brass watching in his chair. King doesn't hesitate. He tackles him. They exchange deadly blows. Ghetto Masher can hardly keep up. Uncle Brass sends others after King. Doesn't matter. King's a whirlwind of destruction. He cracks Ghetto's knees and thrusts his thumbs into his eye sockets. An eyeball pops out still attached to a series of nerves. Cries of terror. Ghetto Masher cups his eyeball screaming for medical help. Staggers and slams against the wall as more ruffians attack. Stop! Uncle Brass stands and approaches. It's well within my power to rip your fuckin' head off for what you did to my boys. King staggers to his feet. Not a bloody joke, am I? His debt is paid if you work for me. He straightens up and brushes his jacket. Smiles. Always bet on King.

Such a tale would normally be taken with a heaping amount of salt. But he knew she believed him. No one makes that kind of crap up. Plus the scars on his knuckles that he was surprised she noticed were very telling. He found it cute that she'd absentmindedly traced her fingers across the old wounds. Yet it also proved just how comfortable she was with him to drop all guard and trust him without a word. Oh, how it tempted him. To stop being the support she needed after the unknown hell that happened with the Monsters and try again to make his move. Never did he think he'd be in a situation where he'd be mentally fighting his sex drive. It didn't help that she would press closer to him in an attempt to get cozy.

On her end, this was a much-needed peace. He made her feel safe. As if there were no Monsters. No Entity. No reason to be fearful of herself. No pricks to look at her like she's a freak. It's just her and him. The toughest softy she ever met and he didn't put up some fake act when around her. She loved that. Loved it when someone was themselves and didn't give a shit to fit some 'normal' mold that was expected. As dumb as it was, the lyrics to Avril Lavigne's Complicated were more than just words in a song to her. And David King was the guy she could tell that she'd never find faking. Such peace of mind had her wanting to stay like this forever. Yeah. To stay with him and forget everything else would be a dream come true.

Eventually, the calm placated the storm of her frayed nerves and she manages to convince him into returning to the campfire. Whispers spread from those that think naughty thoughts. While others knew better and ignored stupid rumors. More important matters were needed to be focused on. Hard and troubling times are coming. Resources will be needed. Trials need to be won. The flowers are coming.

[SOMEWHERE IN THE ENTITY...THE ARCHIVES OF THE OBSERVER]

(Arcus 337)

At first glance, the endless bloodshed seems to be an act to satisfy some destructive instinct within The Entity. This seems to me a reductionist distortion of something more sophisticated, something more intricate, something even sacred. Beyond the horror, the shedding of blood and the very real appearance of death puts us in touch with life and can be an intoxicating and highly addictive experience on the deepest and most archaic levels. When our blood, or our life-force is offered to The Entity, it can be seen as a gift that is soon returned to us so that the horror may continue again and again. The world constantly churns with life and death, and death and life — the circulation of blood through an Old One from heart to body to kidney back to the heart again to be purified and begin anew.

(Arcus 984)

More luminous energy sent to me by an unknown ally. With this energy, I was able to open a small window that allowed me to look into a lost realm where I saw to my great surprise a city with survivors living as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The window eventually closed, and I spent the entire evening imagining how such a thing could be possible or if it was merely an illusion. The same night another surge of energy permitted me to open a doorway into a realm I didn't much recognize or dare explore. I stared at the scintillating doorway until it faded out of existence. It's as though the one manifesting these sacred glyphs is trying to help me delve deeper into the mysteries of this dimension or, perhaps, he is suggesting that the answers to my salvation are hidden amongst the countless realms discarded by this Old One since time immemorial.

(Arcus 985)

Instead of reading aloud in my usual way, I clambered to the roof of my tower and conjured a fire and a radio to listen to some ghost stories from a half-remembered radio serial from Terra Dark. Without a doubt, listening to these stories has proven to be the best way to pass the time, especially when you've got endless voices clattering in your head, bringing you down with their endless agonies and anxieties. Later I used the Auris to manifest The Storyteller to read his stories like he had done for his weekly podcast. He was composed of ever-moving, black fog, and I suspect that one day I'll actually be able to recreate a more realistic person to listen to or perhaps even engage with in something that resembles a conversation.

Listening to The Storyteller and hearing familiar expressions, I am wondering: how do I keep myself out of my own creations? The memories I attempt to record as fast as I experience them prove one thing to me. They show me objectivity is impossible, or elusive at best, and I'm never quite sure if my logs are a true and accurate depiction of the subject's memory or a whiskey laden interpretation of a nightmare. To add to my frustrations, I have recently noticed other voices have made their way into my notes. Other interpretations. Other thought-patterns from people whose memories I've likely spent too much time reliving. They are becoming a part of me and that wasn't supposed to happen.

(Arcus 986)

The Storyteller kept me entertained throughout the night with his gory tales of Nosferatu, so that I almost forgot my own personal living nightmare. His stories entertain and make for a perfect distraction when smashing golf balls into the abyss just won't suffice. There have been countless tales of vampires, and to be certain I've read most of them, but to my mind...his are the most chilling. More than once now I've woken in a cold sweat with the sense that my tower has been overrun by these horrible creatures with fangs for teeth.

(Arcus 987)

Another incident woke me in the middle of the night. An incredible surge of energy coming to me from an undetermined source. At first, I thought my mind had given way to illusions and wild imaginings until I realized the energy surging through my tower was widening yet another doorway into a lost realm composed of memories from an unremembered civilization lost to time. I approached and stared into the remnants of a war-torn, abandoned city with the eerie cry of a baby echoing in the distance. Just as I made to enter the lost realm the scintillating doorway shrunk and sizzled out of existence. I soon realized it may very well be possible to explore this Old One from my tower with the help of this unique energy and the Auris.

(Arcus 1007)

A new doorway has opened. For how long? I'm not sure nor have I ever been right even with my best guesses. Through the door of my study and into a lost and forgotten realm. Moss-grown, stone homes with doorways barricaded with wagons, planks of wood, and decaying corpses tangled in barbed wire. I walk by the homes gazing at the residual memories of soldiers killing villagers with swords for no other reason than the thrill of it. I can't make out which era or Terra world this realm is from. I search the realm for hints of how one may open an actual doorway back home. Somewhere in these memories and forgotten realms is the answer to my salvation. But...which ones...which ones indeed...

(Arcus 1275)

I have often wondered if those trapped here have ever paused to reflect upon the inexplicable significance of this world that defies not only time and space but death. A world made of memories that is neither consistent nor constant. Something akin to a collective dream made of the collective memories and beliefs of its inhabitants. Sometimes I wonder if not all worlds were like this in some respect and that reality is what we in fact dream it to be or believe it to be.

(Arcus 2217)

I have uncovered to my amazement and bewilderment memories of Claudette that are unlike any of those I've previously experienced. One might even say they should not belong to her...and yet...they are hers. I surmise these memories may belong to another Claudette from another Terra world, suggesting that this Old One may have clear preferences at the cosmic buffet for certain souls. It will take more samples of these memories to know if they are in fact from another Claudette or if, and it is possible, I am having troubles deciphering between her actual memories and her creative musings.

(Arcus 5736)

I have seen into the heart of this Old One and have seen things no mortal eyes should see...things that simultaneously perplex my mind and burden my conscience. With mysterious help I have ripped open reality, searched deep within countless rifts, and seen everything tumble helplessly towards chaos and entropy...towards death and madness...and for the briefest moment I had the ridiculous thought that the mysterious ally helping me could very well be The Entity playing its game with me, toying with me as a cat does with a mouse before the claw rips the tiny jugular out. Staring out into the endless abyss of black fog I thought that this prison could very well be another form of trial disguised and designed to feast on all the psychic energies derived from alienation, boredom, and all those bouts of unremembered insanity. I can't help but feel millions of invisible hooks in my heart and millions of unseen eyes all around me...watching me...waiting for me to tumble toward chaos and madness like everything else...waiting for my mind to turn against itself. This bastard of an Old One wants me to kill myself. I am sure of it. Or maybe...Maybe I already have, and maybe I will again...and again...and again.

(Arcus 5738)

An odd impulse caused me to climb to the roof and light a single candle in the pitch blackness of it all. When the candle extinguished, I thrust myself off the roof and plunged to my certain death but somehow ended up back in my bed as though I was waking up from a nightmare. I don't know what I was thinking but what this has shown me is...death is not an escape.

(Arcus 5798)

Incidents don't make sense anymore. Nothing does. Everything is a chaotic blur of unreal apparitions and jumbled memories. I can barely recognize my own thoughts or distinguish my memories from those I've been studying. Last night I relived the most horrific murders in my collection with a strange kind of...pleasure...When I had had enough, I looked in the mirror and did not see myself but dozens of faces morphing in and out of each other. Every possible face except my own. I thrust my fist into the mirror and my hand split and blood was everywhere. What cruel fate has befallen me that I should lose myself in the darkness while trying to escape its deadly grasp? The Auris will either be my salvation or my downfall.

(Arcus 7525)

It's hard to say what came over me and I can hardly recollect the last few hours perhaps even days. I awoke with several empty whiskey bottles and dead bodies sprawled across the roof. Not too far from the scene was my gory nine iron and a phonograph playing a solemn, French song about life in a city I will never truly know. I turned the bodies over one by one and they vaguely resembled those who had forsaken me to this infernal prison. I must have conjured them and destroyed them in the same evening. But...with a nine iron? I imagined far worse fates for them. I even have a journal devoted to dark and creative ideas on how I might actually one day make them pay for their corruption and impertinence.

(Arcus 8545)

I was woken mid-slumber by a delirium of shrieks and destruction so that I rushed to the closest window to see only the endless Black Fog swirling outside. Things in the Fog were coming to life and dying simultaneously as though The Entity were sick or in some kind of shock. Creatures roared and fought and tore each other apart somewhere in the raging abyss and it was both entertaining and unsettling. I grabbed a nine iron and held it at the ready, waiting for some apparition to attack me. But within moments it was all over, and I couldn't sleep, and so I took the edge off with a little whiskey and golf on the roof, the whole while cursing this blasted Old One and hoping what I had just experienced was nothing more than cosmic indigestion.

(Arcus 8557)

I tremble as I scribble this down. Squid-like creatures difficult to describe attempt to penetrate my tower, trying to destroy my study and tools to explore and manifest. I held them off for as long as I could, then, taking the Auris and other valuables, I rushed through a doorway and hid in a lost realm. When I returned, the tower was upside-down, my study completely ransacked, the creatures lay dead on the floor with black, putrid blood leaking out of them, and the smell of decaying fish was everywhere. What are these creatures and who is sending them if not this brutish monster of an Old One? I spent hours cursing and throwing these fetid carcasses out of my window and back into the abyss.

(Arcus 8789)

There are dead bodies in my study and I have no recollection of the last few days. The bodies have been flayed from head to toe and the faces have been beaten to an unrecognizable pulp. I dragged them to the window and thrust them out into the abyss wondering who they were and why they were in my tower. Did I manifest them? Did I create them for company? Or did they come from somewhere else? Had I been the one who butchered them? Had I lost myself so deeply in a memory that I became someone else for a short time? Perhaps they are not my creations but apparitions from the Fog sent by The Entity like the creatures I hear lurking about in the Fog now and then.

(Arcus ??????)

I...I have tried to distract myself from the negative thoughts that have been plaguing me as of late. Delving into the memories of the Survivors for more wholesome or at the very least comical moments. The rumbles of King, the failings of Dwight, the never say die spirit of Bill, the laughable oddities of Ash...It helped...For a time. My curiously brought me to look into the new girl. This mysterious Lynsie King has become taken with. Surely she might have something in her past that would be worth a chuckle or two. And there were a few I managed to find. The time she ran to listen to a song she liked and fell on her side after sliding in a sudden skid. The time she was jumping from large rock to rock with her younger cousin and slipped, ripping her skirt-shorts off and she had to hold it on till she was back home. The countless amount of comedy specials she'd watch on television. I wish I had more control as I should've stopped there. A blurred memory cleared up and I fell down a dark pit of sadness.

It's dark, the trailer called home is silent in slumber. A teenage Lynsie stands in the bathroom and stares into the mirror, tears streams down her cheeks as dark whispers fill her ears. Her gaze turns to the medicine cabinet. Shaky hands open it and reach for a bottle...Iodine. She scans the label before bad ideas play in her mind. She considers drinking it. But the smell has her question the taste. She heads to the kitchen, perhaps burying the taste in something else will work. She experiments with ravioli. It turns black in the iodine. Her mind fights itself, listen to the death call of depression, or listen to the instinct to stay alive. After a long twenty minutes of standing in the glow of a small nightlight, the tainted meal is trashed and the healing poison returned to its cabinet. She adjourns to her bed where sleep fails to come. No one in the home will ever know of this moment...or of the others.

[UNKNOWN TIME PASSES]

A few harsh trials have happened since that incident with Chops and the Doctor. I've had the good fortune of encountering the Hag. Hag wasn't so bad. That trial went so well I felt bad that the others were bashing pallets on her and taking advantage of her simpleness to play mind games that had her so confused that I managed to pop three of the generators on my own. It was so very strange and not at all what I've been used to so far.

Other than that, the others are taking trials more seriously and focusing on getting currency to barter with the Entity. Why this is I know not. Some look as though they want supplies or offerings. Others maybe want objects or cosmetics. David tells me something called The Hallowed Blight is coming but not to worry about it. Monsters get more aggressive and ugly, so no big deal. He has my back if shit gets rough. Tells me to get something nice with my earnings to feel better. While as nice as that is, it brings up questions I both want to ask and yet don't. I trust David. He's not going to steer me wrong. But he's also a tough guy that will downplay threats because HE can kick ass and not give a fuck about getting names. I'm not strong like him. So when he says no big deal, I'm inclined to be more on guard.

The call of the crows is heard. The trees sway. The air grows cold and a wave of fog rolling in makes four of us stand. A new trial is commencing. The black smoke consumes the soon to be victims and takes them away. The taken...Laurie, Ace, Quentin, and me.

[INTO THE FOG AND OUT ELSEWHERE]

The darkness fades and I find myself on a rug...in a house. My brain temporarily forgets this is made by the Entity, as memories try to crawl awake and build up hope that I've been freed by mistake. But this is not my home. Never will be. This is Lampkin Lane of Haddonfield and the one that calls it home is the monster called the Shape.

Haddonfield is a calm little town in the state of Illinois, without much going on. Or at least it was. If you were to ask anyone in the town, at the school or in a bar, if there's something off with Haddonfield, they'd decline. To accept that this was the birthplace of one of the purest forms of evil is hard. People living here have always felt safe and protected. There were no boogeymen or other shady characters in the night. No lurking, no skulking. People slept perfectly fine for decades knowing this for a fact. So when Halloween came about, the town’s folks were reluctant to accept that Haddonfield is now forever known as an evil place. Gossip and made-up stories flooded the town.

Nobody really knows what happened, or if it's safe nowadays. Some moved away. Others visited as morbid tourists. During the day, a common visitor wouldn't suspect a thing. But as the sun sets and night comes, an eerie quietness devours the town. People are afraid. And as you visit Haddonfield, you too will get afraid. Not only because it sits upon a dark history, but also because something is off. This isn't a real place, but instead a warped version of a reality that is no more. An Entity version if you'd like. A simple street with houses that witnessed the horrors that took place. A jungle gym where children once learned to climb. Sidewalks where fathers taught their daughters to ride a bike. All gone. Instead, it sits in the palm of the Entity, forever held in darkness.

Outside doesn't seem to be a smart bet for safety. Even if the starry night sky is tempting to observe. Inside is probably even worse due to small spaces constricting movement. Yet I take my time heading up to the second floor of this house, greeted by tacky wallpaper and random spooky abstract pictures. Windows and doors don't seem to be a thing on certain things. The house next-door is completely boarded up. The rooms upstairs are mostly empty. There's a locker, dirty mattress, a pallet that splits a double room, a dull totem that I break with ease, and a single generator in a very small closet type space. Not sure how much time I'll have before being found by this trial's monster, I get to work on repairing the gen. It's a slow process since I'm alone, but it can't be helped, there's only space for one to work on it. The confines of the room make the sounds of progress extra loud and the lights of the once dead home flicker with reviving life, a tell that someone is inside. Does this bother me? Yeah. But I've been getting numb to this. I keep my senses open for a single sound. Once that heartbeat plays in my ears I will go full crazy in an effort to avoid this super easy kill spot. Wiring this one seems to be more annoying than I first figured. A lot of repeating wires needing to be set right in dim flicking light.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

"Come on...I don't have time for this bull..."

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

"The fuck is going on out there?"

What killer can be hitting them so quickly? This is not going to be a good trial.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

[Breaking Point: Triggered. Resentment Tier I activated.]

Wait...That one sounded close. I pause working as the sound of fleeing footsteps clatter on the wooden floor...then up the stairs. I back into the generator as the shadows cross the walls moments apart from one another. A small one and a massive one. There's this crunching sound followed by a low scream...and a thud outside. Did...Did they get downed in a window and plummet to the ground. Brutal.

Heavy steps creep back my way and I feel my hair stand on end. This aura is dark. So strong I can feel it through the walls yet there's no heartbeat. The killer stops near the doorway, their shadow leaking into the room as something I vaguely recognize.

"...Big guy?"

Shape leans his head into the room before the rest of his form joins, blocking the exit effectively and showing the fresh blood dripping off his blade.

"H-Hey there..."

I'm not sure what the reason may be, but I'm suddenly more nervous than I'd normally be. He looks at the generator and then me. I feel my spine tingles move throughout my system. He takes a step, my body reacts and I drop to the floor.

"Mercy!"

He pauses.

"Please...You don't have to do this. I can't do much, but I am useful. Just...don't hurt me."

He mulls his thoughts over before continuing forward. I brace for a painful stabbing...only to hear a harsh thud. I glance over my shoulder as the second thud is made, he gave the generator two harsh kicks that had fire spurting from his boots with each hit. The engine sparks and smokes, progress has been regressed with damage. He turns away from the gen and I'm not entirely sure if he'll ignore me or not. Self-preservation mode is in effect.

"The guy you followed up here...Young looking, right?"

He takes a moment before nodding.

"That's Quentin. I think he brought a toolbox. There's another, older man, that's Ace. I think he has a key. I'm uncertain of the rarity. And the last one is carrying a flashlight, Laurie."

That name has his flame burn brighter. He grabs me from the floor and holds me to the wall, his blade to my throat.

"... .... ...."

For a man so soft-spoken he can be very harsh.

"Calm down, please. Does she mean something to you?"

".........."

"Oh! You have Obsession Rights on her."

He nods and I put my hands up.

"Then by all means...Go for it. I won't stand in your way."

He tilts his head so I continue to try to seem on his side.

"What? I haven't been having the best times with other humans. Why would I get in your way? How does that help me? You and them know what you're doing out here. I'm still figuring things out."

He eyes me before removing his weapon from my tender nape. Good. He's reasonable. Wish they were all half this easy.

*SHHHHHHUNK*

It's funny. I registered the knife hitting the wall before realizing it went through my gut to do so. Not a sound is made, thanks to my Skulker's Instinct perk. Shape stares at me, taking in the lack of screams even though my wide eyes are filling with tears. A harsh yank dislodges the blade. My legs resist the urge to buckle when he lets me go. Seemingly satisfied that he did something, he goes to leave and I aim to heal this bloody hole I now have.

"..."

He gets my attention.

"... ...."

"No do gens?"

He nods.

"Okay...*wince* Can I still do bones and loot chests?"

He shrugs.

*CLANK*

With that first generator being popped he leaves the room and I heal myself. If only that gen popped before the stab, then my tier one would've reversed. Once healed, I head down the stairs and decide to creep on all fours. I don't want to be spotted by the others right now. Now knowing the monster is Shape, it makes more sense why I couldn't hear the heartbeat. Shape's power makes him undetectable until he's built up enough murder-lust from stalking victims. I pray I won't come to know what happens when he's at max power. Then again, I know not what he plans to do with me once he is done with the others.

I leave the home and feel so out of place in this strange suburb street. There are mailboxes, childish fences, trash waiting for pickup, vehicles, a playground, and a road that on one end ends at an exit gate. Everything looks so normal. Like at any second, I'll see this neighborhood come alive with people going about their lives. But seeing the border past the houses breaks such ideas apart. This place is dead. A lie. A moment in time captured with all life removed from it. Well...all life removed but us.

I find a bone totem hidden behind some trash bins and tend to breaking it. Why I have to pick it apart and can't just kick the damn thing is beyond me. The totem dismantles with a loud crack, allowing me to move on down the sidewalk and ignore all other stuff going on.

*HIGH-PITCH SHIRK*

Sounds like Shape found Laurie. I wonder where everybody is and what they're doing? How are they all able to hide in this place? Is Shape on the others so much they can't work on generators very well or does he have a perk that's keeping their progression low? My thoughts are broken by this open sitting space. Trees and unkempt grass, a circle of benches lit up by three separate lamp posts. That's not what catches my eye. Behind the benches, even the lonely bench away from the others, are these large almost boulder-like rocks that are bigger than me. Fun memories come flooding back of playing on similar stones when visiting my Abuela. The urge to relive that feeling pulls me. I choose a rock pressed on a tree. A good sprint and jump are all I need. I dash towards to rock...but my legs refuse to leap as I want them to. Finding this odd, I grip the rock to pull up for better footing...and again my legs don't move.

"The hell...?"

[Having some trouble, little worm?]

God dang it.

"What did you do to me this time?"

[Not a single thing.]

"My legs won't move. I don't call that nothing."

[Your legs are fine. You are simply on par with the other worms now. Worms stay on the ground where they belong.]

I recall something the Doctor said while I was in his so-called "care".

"❄☟✋💧 🕈✌💧 ✌☼⚐🕆☠👎 ❄☟☜ 💧✌💣☜ ❄✋💣☜ ❄☟☜ ☜☠❄✋❄✡ ☼☜💣⚐✞☜👎 ❄☟☜ ☟🕆💣✌☠🕯💧 ✌👌✋☹✋❄✡ ❄⚐ 👍☹✋💣👌📬" (THIS WAS AROUND THE SAME TIME THE ENTITY REMOVED THE HUMAN'S ABILITY TO CLIMB.)

The pieces fall into place.

"But I was able to climb before. My first trial..."

Its voice mockingly chuckles in my head.

[Just how special do you think you are? The Entity allows all prey to be free their first time. It lets the Entity know what they are capable of.]

That makes sense. No better way to measure the worth of what you have than by letting it be free...For a moment at least.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

Sounds like Ace.

[Will you be letting Shape have all the fun? The Entity enjoyed watching your hunt of the other worms last time.]

I won't let it goad me into snapping. I just need to remain calm.

*LOW-PITCH SCREAM*

..REMAIN CALM!

I need to distract myself. If I let the failings of the others get to me I'll end up hitting tier two, and once in tier two, it is much easier to go tier three. Maybe I can hide in a locker and bash my head in till I blackout.

[If it was that easy, little worm, the lot of you would die much sooner. You are welcomed.]

"Stay out of my head, you fucking...!"

Sharp pain claws me from within. I'm brought to the ground and curling in on myself like a wadded up ball of tissue that's silently screaming.

[Do not forget your place, worm! The Entity controls all. If the Entity wills it, you will suffer horrors the likes of which would rend your mind to shreds. Your soul and very essence would cease to be. Do you comprehend this or shall the Entity prove it further?]

I fear further damage to my tainted soul. I yield. Meekly kissing the ground as penance.

[Yes. Embrace the dirt, lowly worm. The weak are bound to it. Only the strong...The beasts...Only they can rise above and know power. So, Lynsie...What are you? A worm? Or a beast?]

I can feel my soul tighten as if the tips of dozens of nails threaten to penetrate the fragile thing with each passing second. My mouth begins frothing with the start of foam from how much I'm straining and hyperventilating to just meekly resist this.

[Struggle all you wish, little worm, for it is in vain. You can either become a beast and hunt for the Entity, or you can allow your soul to become nothing and to nothing you will become. No matter your choice, the Entity will have what the Entity wants. The only difference being the amount of pain you wish to give or receive.]

It hurts. Everything hurts. Why? Why does this have to be the way of things?

"Lynsie? Is that you?"

From behind some of the bushes, Quentin crouch walks by to see my feeble form. I want to speak but can't.

"Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

Garbled gibberish is the best I can answer him with. His concern grows and my bloody shirt doesn't help.

"Are you changing? Please tell me you're not."

I shakily etch in the dirt "NO". This makes him feel better but the Entity hates it and proceeds to tighten its grip on my soul. The pain blinds me temporarily.

"Let me see if I can heal you. Maybe it'll help."

Quentin is kind. Optimistic like most teens. Even when it's very painfully clear that the odds aren't realistic. He puts his hands on me and attempts to heal. But since I'm not physically wounded...

"It's...It's not working. Why isn't it working?"

With my sight locked past Quentin, him trying his best to heal that which is beyond his understanding, I gaze into nothingness and see shadows come alive. Images of multi-segmented claws twitch and twist in unnatural motions that unnerve me to my core. Suddenly...I see a light. A faint glimmer that disrupts these chaotic tendrils of doom and restores a tiny bit of hope. Perhaps it's Laurie with her flashlight or Ace with his shiny key. Wait, was Ace downed or hung? I can't recall. The light gets clearer as it draws near. It's not from a flashlight. It's Shape. His glowing silhouette and glistening blade become easy to see as he draws near. He aims for an easy strike. I'm down and Quentin is distracted. Two birds to be killed with a sharp stone.

I...I have to warn Quentin. He needs to run while he still has the chance.

[Are you sure about that?]

I attempt to speak, to do something good, and increase Quentin's ability to live. But all that comes out is guttural hissing. Quentin is understandably confused and most likely thinks I'm responding to healing efforts. Shape gets closer, readying his weapon for a harsh backstab.

[Choose now, Lynsie. Be a worm...Or a beast.]

Panic floods my system. Even though I know death is meaningless here and I'll basically re-spawn, the amount of buildup plus the pain to my soul has logic being thrown out into the void. My body responds without thought.

[Breaking Point: Triggered. Resentment Tier II activated.]

"Wa-wait, what are you doing?"

I quickly grab at one of his ankles and gab my thumbnails as hard as I can into the thin debilitating tendon that meant the end for the great Achilles. Quentin howls in pain and thrashes away from my sudden assault.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

A low rumble reverberates from my throat and I crawl away like a nervous cat.

"I am not a worm."

My words go over his head, his attention goes to healing himself and I watch as the embodiment of hellfire stalks right up behind him.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

The knife is plunged so deep into Quentin's back that Shape has to pull it out while pressing on Quentin with his foot. The look on his face as he locks eyes with me is one of hurt betrayal. Like, you can literally see him think "Why?" and hear the song "How Could This Happen To Me" by Simple Plan play. He doesn't get to crawl away. Shape scoops him up and glances at me. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Thankfully, he merely nods and walks away to find a hook. The stranglehold on my soul easing to stable comfort.

[Not bad, little beast. You get points for creativity.]

The Entity is pleased, causing me to shudder and wander off. I lashed out in forced desperation. Makes me feel sick.

*LOW-PITCH SCREAM*

Quentin's been hooked. This whole trial is bullshit. How is it fair that the Entity can just interfere like that?

[If you think this is unfair, wait till you encounter some of the other perks the Entity granted to the monsters. Take the Clown for instance. His "Bamboozle" perk allows his vault speed to be faster as well as calls upon The Entity to block that Vault location for several seconds. Only one Vault location may be blocked this way at any given time. But even this is enough to ruin even the most skilled of the worms.]

Are you fucking serious?

[Plague and Ghost Face have perks that affect generators. "Corrupt Intervention" answers her prayers to invoke a dark power that meddles with the Survivors' chances of survival. 3 Generators located farthest from her are blocked by The Entity for about 120 seconds at the start of the Trial. Survivors cannot repair the Generators for the duration Corrupt Intervention is active. And "Thrilling Tremors" pulls from his dark designs and shrewd composure to rouse The Entity. After picking up a Survivor, all Generators not being repaired by Survivors are blocked by The Entity and cannot be repaired for the next 16 seconds.]

Are you shitting me right now?!

[Nightmare has a perk called "Blood Warden". As soon as the Exit Gate is opened, Blood Warden is activated. The Auras of any Survivors located within Exit Gate areas are revealed to him. Once per Trial, hooking a Survivor while Blood Warden is active calls upon The Entity to block both Exits for all Survivors for up to 60 seconds.]

...Words can not fathom the levels of absolute hate I am feeling right now.

[Good. Use it. That girl, Laurie, has yet to be hooked. It would be wise to do so. At this rate, you will not earn much by the end of this trial.]

Leave me alone! I don't care about bloodpoints. Besides, that's Shape's target. I can't kill her.

[Do you really think she will allow herself to die to you? Who are you to believe the worms would actually fear death from you? Worms only fear beasts.]

I am not a worm!

[So you say. Yet you act as though you are a worm. You have fear in your soul. A beast has no such weakness.]

I know what you're doing! I won't fall for this!

[And what pray tell is the Entity doing?]

You want me to crack. To give in a be just another cog in your feeding machine.

[You are that regardless of being a worm or beast. The Entity does not care which you are.]

Then remove the scaring on my soul!

[No. You will not lose your punishment so easily.]

You're so full of shit it isn't even funny.

[All beasts have blight on their souls. You are no different. The only difference is the amount. Once you embrace what the Entity has given the scars shall minimalize. Till then, they will only grow and fester the more you resist.]

I growl to myself while stumbling upon another bone totem and begin working on it. I'll say it again, this entire trial is bullshit.

*CLANK*

Case in point, the second generator is finally activated. And not that far away either. I don't think Laurie has been downed this entire time, she's pulling her weight and more. Good for her. At this rate, she'll most likely make it out alive.

[Do you think that's fair? That Laurie will live but you will not?]

I continue to work on the totem and ignore the whispering, I don't need it listening to any more of my thoughts.

[Have you not been through enough? Everything that has tried to break you, you overcame in spite. You have had very few moments of peace. Even now, everyone and thing seeks to tear you apart for some reason or another. Do you not find it wrong for them to not aid you as they do the others? That the worms and even beasts think they can use you as they please.]

I'm finding it hard to focus when it is using truth.

[Should you let them get away with that? Letting their actions go without consequence? Where is that relentless drive to live? That spirit to prove others wrong? Where is the woman that made her inner demons submit? You do not need to put up with mistreatment. You are so much stronger than they realize. Show them their hubris. Make them regret their misdeeds. Let them know of the mistakes they made by hurting you. Give them a taste of true fear. Grant them this gift...The gift of true suffering.]

I have stopped my task at this point. It has made a very convincing plea. I am so tired of being looked down on. Being used. Being shunned. I just want to be shown respect or they very least be left alone. Why should the others treat me with such disregard? What did I do to them to call for such treatment? And the monsters...Even they have scum among them. They can't get away with this.

No! I can't give in to these thoughts. I'm better than this. Than them. I won't stoop to their level. I don't...

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

I don't need to...

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

I DON'T FUCKING NEED TO...

*LOW-PITCH SCREAM*

[Breaking Point: Triggered. Resentment Tier III activated.]

I NEED TO FUCKING END THEM!

[Special Ability: Anomaly State...Activated.]

...

Shape watches the young boy struggle against the Entity on the hook. A pointless waste of energy. No one would try to rescue him as long as he was there. At least, no one in their right mind would.

*HARSH ROAR*

This new sound pulls the monster of flame's attention.

[Grillby...]

"..."

[The little beast is free. Do not interfere with her rage. The Entity wants her to accept her place. Do you understand?]

"...Yes, Master."

A sudden flash blinds Shape, forcing him to recoil back with an irritated steamy hiss.

"Quickly, we need to regroup with Ace. Lynsie's snapped."

The sound of the hook being messed with is heard.

"Right."

By the time Shape's vision returns, he witnesses Laurie and the one called Quentin, now unhooked, flee into the street. The Entity told him not to bother with the odd one, but it didn't say stop attacking. It's time to stop playing on easy. While still able to see them, Shape stares hard at the humans, building up his intensity for the kill. The darkness inside feeds his determination to take the life of his prey.

[Evil Within II: Triggered. The Red Stain is now visible. Aura-reading Abilities now work. Terror Radius is active at a range of 16 meters. Regular Movement speed increased by 115%. Regular Lunge range open time: 0.5s. Slightly increased Vaulting speed by 1.48 seconds.]

Now that Evil Within II is active, he has no means to return to Evil Within I. Things will only get worse for the humans from this point on. Where his left hand was relaxed and swung freely mid-chase, the knife pointed slightly outwards and he had stiff restrained deliberate movement...Now left hand is clenched into a fist and held rigidly at his side, less-restrained freer movement. All the better to stab them with.

The pair race into a home. Shape follows. The Scratch Marks they leave behind in their sprint are like neon bread crumbs he can trace back to the main loaf that's itching for his knife to cut into. The scratches split, one leading upstairs and the other down into the cellar. Knowing Laurie, she's the one upstairs. He heads downward for the easy target. After all, the boy is still injured and bleeding. Save the best for last...heh.

There isn't much down here. The room loops full circle with two ways of entrance/exit. A single generator looms at one end of the room, it has not been touched. Though it's the space of multiple lockers that he knows the poor fool has sought safety in. A bad idea. The blood tells him where the boy is, but where is the fun in getting to the point? He moves to the locker next to it, his eyes not looking away from the real prize, and opens the empty box with force before slamming it shut just as hard. He moves to the other one beside it and repeats the same violent search.

*hurt gasp*

Perfect. The prey is terrorized. Nothing quite like scaring the literal crap out of someone. Shape reaches slowly for the handle and...

SLAM

The doors fling open, stunning Shape as the boy springs out for escape. Big mistake. Quickly spinning on his heel, Shape manages to catch the wounded boy with a mighty slash.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

The boy falls and is at his complete lack of mercy. He probably had that "Head On" perk and thought it would be his trump card. Too bad for him it also causes the Exhausted status effect. Now it was time to end it. Kicking the boy over, Shape makes sure he sees what he brought this trial...an Ebony Memento Mori. Quentin's eyes bug out of his head.

"*gaps* Oh fuck..."

[Yes...Do it...Claim the kill...Do it, Grillby!]

The token glows and Shape's flame burns bright in delight. He snatches Quentin in a flash by the neck and thrusts his knife deep into the thrashing boy's chest. Bloody spills from his mouth and chest, he's choking on it. It deafens his screams. As if the human was made of butter, Shape forces it in deeper till the blade breaches out the spine. Shape watches the light fade in the boy's eyes before tossing the cold husk to the ground. More. More needs to be ended.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

A heartbeat? Ah...Legion's "toy" is near.

*SCREECH*

"Shit! Fuck!"

The floorboards above clatter with panic running.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

What sounds like ravenous animal chases after the male.

Knife is raised above his head, pointing downwards.

*WILD SNARL*

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

Hmmm...Maybe she's more interesting than first thought. At least she was smart enough to be after the male and not his Laurie. Speaking of which, if she's dealing with him then where is...

*CLANK*

...Sneaky bitch. At least that made her location noticeable. Steam escapes the mouth of Shape's mask, the thrill of killing THAT girl, his obsession...It had his heat being shown in visible air warping waves. Something about Laurie...Something in his soul burned for her death. She pissed him off. Her lack of fear towards him demanded him to break that. To go all out and teach her that was to be feared. He is what goes bump in the night. He is a devil that will burn all in fire. And she will learn this no matter how many times it takes. Time means nothing here and death has no end.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

*SHARP HISS*

"Nice save."

"Run, moron!"

*ROAR*

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

The playground. The humans were looping the "little beast" around the objects and pallets before blinding her with that infernal flashlight. Shape supposed the Entity calling her a little beast is fitting. Her appearance...Long untamed hair flared in her anger. Blacked out eyes with glowing white irises that seeped darkness itself down her pale flesh. Her limbs looked extended slightly, claws tipping her hands and exposed toes from which she stands upon. A crazed posture and matching sadistic grin indicate she is lost, lost in the madness of kill. But for as lost as she was, the two humans were more so as they soon noticed that there was a monster to their left and right.

"Shit."

"What do we, Laurie?"

"I don't get it. Why didn't she turn back after the gen pop and flashlight?"

Was that really your great plan, Laurie? Did you fail to notice something's wrong? Someone's missing?

"Where's Quentin?"

The question is asked and it makes the air get colder.

"Hey..."

Little beast gets Shape's attention, taking advantage of the humans' lack of understanding the tongue of monsters.

"That key he has...It's a Skeleton Key."

Shape's grip on his knife tightens. A key of that level can open the hatch if spawned and found. The Hatch will become visible whenever the number of fully repaired Generators exceeds the number of living Survivors by one. 4 Survivors remaining: 5 repaired Generators/Exit Gates are powered. 3 Survivors remaining: 4 repaired Generators/1 Generator left. 2 Survivors remaining: 3 repaired Generators/2 Generators left. 1 Survivor remaining: Spawns and opens regardless of how many Generators remain to be repaired. If she now counts as a monster, then the rule of 2 survivors 3 generators is active. That means a hatch has spawned and that key is a problem, only dull and skeleton keys open the hatch.

Feeling the growing tension, Ace fidgets as if moving to break away from this awful situation but it only sets off the little beast. She lunges at the older male and in a move of self-preservation, shoves Laurie in the way as a human shield.

*HIGH-PITCH SHIRK*

Four deep gashes slice Laurie's side, putting her in the injured state. This move, however, has two effects. One, it's hurt a human that normally is tough for any monster to deal with. And two...It's pissed Shape off. He builds up his need for murder.

[Evil Within III: Triggered. Regular Terror Radius of 32 meters. Regular Movement speed increased by 115%. Slightly increased Lunge range open time: 0.6s. Moderately increased Vaulting speed of 1.275 seconds. When triggered, all Survivors suffer from the Exposed Status Effect. Evil Within III lasts for 60 seconds, after which it regresses to Evil Within II.]

With his knife raised above his head, pointing downwards, Shape wastes no time charging in and cutting down the key holder...

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

Then backhanding the would-be-monster in the face, much the shock of her and the human.

"*growl* What's wrong with you?!"

Shape rumbles like a furnace ready to blow.

"...Mine!"

He points his blade at the human that is too puzzled to flee even though she could. While understanding him, it doesn't really make the little beast any more accepting of the hit and she barks back at him.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

In her eyes...He sees that same spark in her eyes as he does in Laurie's. The lack of fear. His fire flares in intimidation, it fails on her. She takes a bracing stance before pouncing on him, the towering monster of flame throws her to the ground. She recovers quickly and attacks with all the precision of a charging rhino. It surprisingly takes some strength to hold her back and a greater surprise when she starts giving off a pure monster aura.

"I won't be treated like shit! Not by you! Not by them! Not by anyone! Do you understand?! No one!!"

He can feel it. She's pushing him back. The Entity is fueling her with strength to prolong her transformation. If this keeps up she might actually become a threat.

*whimper*

They both pause at the sudden sound. A slight look to the side shows the two remaining humans have gone to heal in some shrubbery. The realization hits Shape before her and he uses the confusion to stop this now...by punching her in the gut and stabbing her in the head. Little beast staggers drunkenly then falls over hard, not dead but incapacitated. More important matters are in order.

...

[Most interesting, little beast. The Entity never thought you would be so brazen. You have earned all that comes to you this trial.]

My eyes stiffly open. My head is pounding like it was hit by a truck. Every part of me feels like it hasn't moved in hours. With a shake of my head and a long yawn my senses return, I remember everything. I'm still in the trial.

*HIGH-PITCH SCREAM*

Laurie? Oh...Oh fuck, I cut Laurie bad. What the fuck Ace? What dick throws a teenager at a monster? I need to do something good for once.

Wearily, I get on my feet and head towards the yellow aura in the distance. I'm much slower than I remember being. Probably feeling exhausted. I hope to sleep after this. Feels like I might for a whole day. Heh...If only.

I make my way behind the houses and into a backyard. There, a hooked Laurie struggles against the Entity's claws by a grave. I ignore this weirdness and reach for her, the least I can do is free her.

"How are you alive"

I look at her funny as she grunts coming off the hook.

"What do you mean?"

"You took a knife to the brain!"

"What?"

I feel my head and my hair is sticky wet. Huh? Go figure. My focus is wavering and she snaps her fingers.

"Stay with me. We need to find Ace's key."

"Wait...You're not mad at me?"

I sound like a child afraid of being grounded.

"Mad? No."

"R-Really?"

She takes my hand and drags me along.

"Come on. We have to go before he comes back."

She seems to know where she's going. That's good. Why didn't Shape hook me? Did he expect me to bleed out? Makes sense to me.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

"He's near."

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

She squeezes my hand.

"Laurie?"

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

Peering around some cover, we find Shape standing under an empty hook, most likely on top of the key.

"We need that key. He won't let us pop two gens and open the gate."

I don't think we're on good terms after my freak out. So asking him nicely is gonna be a no go.

She looks off in thought.

"I'll be bait..."

This takes me back.

"He'll chase me. I know he will. And when he's far enough away, you rush in and get the key."

I shake my head, both to get the dizziness to stop and to disagree.

"No. You can't risk it. If hooked again it's an automatic sacrifice."

"We have no choice. You're in no condition to evade him. It's the only option we have."

I'd like to say what I do next is selfless...But I know damn well it's not.

"New plan...I lure him out and you get the key."

"How? You can't possibly move as fast right now."

I rub my hands richly through my hair and coat my hands in what blood there is. I'm in the injured state so I know I'm still wounded and bleeding.

"Who said I have to be?"

It takes her a moment to put two and two together.

"Tell me what I need to do."

I smirk and give her the details.

...

It's quiet. Too quiet. No sound other than the crows. Shape stares out from his post over the key. He knows the women aren't dead. He saw the alert when Laurie was unhooked. If they're smart, they attempt to work on generators together. No sense trying for anything else. Of course, there's a shot another key will be in a chest somewhere. But the odds aren't favorable. And even if they do try repairing generators, his spot has the perfect range of both gates. This is territory after all, he knows it better than anyone else inside and out. There's nothing they can do to...

*HIGH-PITCH SHIRK*

...Surprise him?

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

No...She couldn't have. No human can attack another.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

"Yo, big guy..."

She casually strolls onto the road and licks her hands. The crimson is incredibly noticeable on her skin.

"I see why you like her. She's fun to cut into."

Her cheeky smile makes him flare.

"Well, I'm off. Gonna go see if I can Mori her head off."

Human or monster, this little bitch needs to learn her place. You don't touch his Obsession!

"...No!"

She pauses and he bolts for her, the girl nearly leaps out of her skin before scampering on all fours. Something isn't right. There's an awkwardness in her gallop and she isn't dropping pallets. She turns around a large van but he retreats, heading back to ensure the key remains where he left it.

"Hey!"

He ignores her. It's not like he can't kill her at any point.

"Don't ignore me!"

Sudden weight hits his back. She's dared to leap on him like a crazy monkey. She's become a very annoying pest. Rather than grabbing her off, to teach her a lesson, he instead takes off running before leaping at a car and aiming for her to be slammed under his weight.

*ROAR*

The move works. She's off of him and indented firmly in the hood of a police car. She isn't going anywhere. Now to get back to the key before Laurie.

"I found it!"

Her voice echos. They baited him. Clever girls. Well, it's not like the weird one can get to her in time.

*grunt*

The sound of metal creaking as weight comes off it alerts him of his wrong thoughts. They lock eyes.

"In case you're wondering...That didn't count as a true attack."

A fiery roar bellows from Shape's core and another chase ensues. Now it's serious. She's slamming pallets and vaulting for shortcuts. Does she know he's not in tier 3 anymore and not at max speed? No, it doesn't matter. The longer the chase, the more he catches up to her and Laurie.

"Open it!"

His sight leaves the beast woman to see the blonde in the circle of benches with the key in hand. Laurie unlocks the hatch, the key staying in the latch and slowly dissolving away like a timer. Laurie leaps into the hatch and escapes in the darkness.

She gone...Laurie got away...And it's all this one's fault!

*HIGH-PITCH ROAR*

The stab catches her mid-stride, sending her tumbling and careening into a bench. This woman...This pain in the ass let his prey escape. She's just like Legion...trash.

[Such a shame. She was doing so well too. Oh well. Better luck next time then. Finish this, Grillby.]

Shape goes over to the pathetic wench and grabs her leg, dragging her over the still open hatch before pinning her partly to the ground with his blade. Panic has her clawing the ground yet she can't move without slicing into herself. The key fizzles out. The hatch violently snaps down on her and her roar is deafening out the sound of bones being crushed.

"... ... ... ..."

"*wincing* G-Go fuck yourself!"

Yep. Just like Legion.

The hatch opens, as she is the only remaining human in the trial. Yet he further denies her this freedom. He pulls her out, knife and all, then kicks the hatch closed. End Game Collapse has begun. She's doomed now. No key to re-open the hatch, no means of healing out of the dying state, no way of repairing generators, and no team to open the gate. She's all out of tricks and no amount of begging will work either.

"*coughing blood* Come on...Do it! Kill me!"

No. This one is not worth the use of his Mori or the glory of the hook. She will die right there. On the ground like the garbage she is. He walks off to destroy fallen pallets.

"*dying rage* D-Don't...Don't fucking ignore me! Kill me you flaming bastard!"

But her calls fall on deaf ears. Shape does not respond. The world rumble and the crows take the sky. She eventually becomes quiet. The sound of wood breaking is all he hears.

*SCREAMING ROAR*

That was a chilling sound if ever he heard one. The Entity has claimed her. It would be a kinder death if she had bled out, but he had no such pity for her. With her death, the trial is over and the world crumbles into a reset. He slowly removes his mask, letting his fire burn freely and stares off at the moon. Next time Laurie...Next time you won't escape.

"...Mine. Only mine."

[AT THE SURVIVOR'S CAMPSITE]

I wake up in a panic and thrash at the ground. Clawing at the dirt and biting obscenities due to the pain in my chest. It takes the combined efforts of David and Jeff to keep me still long enough to settle down. For once there is no fighting upon my return. Despite my actions, the others didn't point blame at me or tell me I'm a freak. Some wish to hear more of my aggressive turn on Shape while Laurie even goes as far as to offer to teach me one of her perks in thanks for escape. I decline for now, too shaken and sore to keep my thoughts straight. I need some time to myself. David, being my unofficial but probably gonna happen because it's obvious man, keeps an eye on me from his perch on the sitting log while I'm near the camp's border with my back to the others. The pain in my chest pleads for my attention. I don't wish for them to see this. I carefully recall the instructions Doctor gave me and summon my soul. The soft glow emanating from the multi-colored heart is warm. What ruins it are the scars. They've filled in again. Though...They don't look as bad. Shivers run through me as I slowly use my nails to scrape the blight out, wincing and whimpering when I can't hold back the pain. But I have to do this. If it buys me some time then it's worth it. It feels so weird. It's thick and oozy like blood yet solid like a clot. Gross.

[Elsewhere: Killer Shack]

*CLANG-CLANG*

"Tra la la. The meeting will now come to order."

Wraith materializes and gets the other killers' attention.

"It has come to our attention that something...odd...has taken place. Tra la la. Shape?"

Shape, leaning on a wall in the back, merely shrugs and looks at his knife as he recounts his trail.

"... ... ... .... ... ..."

The room is shocked.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE ATTACKED YOU?"

Trapper questions.

"... ..."

"DON'T BE A SMARTASS! I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID PERFECTLY FINE!"

"❄☟☜☠ 👎⚐☠🕯❄ 🕈✌💧❄☜ ❄✋💣☜ ✌💧😐✋☠☝ 💧❄🕆🏱✋👎 ✈🕆☜💧❄✋⚐☠💧. 💧☟✌🏱☜ 🕈✌💧 ✈🕆✋❄☜ 👍☹☜✌☼." (THEN DON'T WASTE TIME ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS. SHAPE WAS QUITE CLEAR.)

Doctor talks down to Trapper, earning him a nasty glare.

"Ah, it makes sense now. The girl is as rebellious as Legion. No wonder he chose her for Obsession."

Plague comments with a coy smile. Legion mumbles curses to himself under his breath.

"🏱☹☜✌💧☜...🕈☟✌❄ 🕈☜ 💧☟⚐🕆☹👎 👌☜ ☞⚐👍🕆💧✋☠☝ ⚐☠ ✋💧 ❄☟✌❄ ❄☟☜ ⚐👎👎✋❄✡ ✋💧 👍✌🏱✌👌☹☜ ⚐☞ ☠⚐❄ ⚐☠☹✡ ☝⚐✋☠☝ ✌☞❄☜☼ ⚐❄☟☜☼ ☟🕆💣✌☠💧📪 👌🕆❄ 🕆💧 ✌💧 🕈☜☹☹. 🏱☼⚐✞✋👎☜👎 💧☟☜🕯💧 👌☼⚐🕆☝☟❄ ❄⚐ ✋☼☜ ✌💧 ⚐🕆☼ ☞☜✋☼✡ ☞☜☹☹⚐🕈 ☟✌👎." (PLEASE...WHAT WE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON IS THAT THE ODDITY IS CAPABLE OF NOT ONLY GOING AFTER OTHER HUMANS, BUT US AS WELL. PROVIDED SHE'S BROUGHT TO IRE AS OUR FEIRY FELLOW HAD.)

Doctor steps up to be front and center.

"✋ 🏱☼⚐🏱⚐💧☜ 🕈☜ 👍✌🏱❄🕆☼☜ ⚐🕆☼ 🕈✌✡🕈✌☼👎 💣☜💣👌☜☼ ✌☠👎 🏱🕆❄ ☟☜☼ ❄☟☼⚐🕆☝☟ ✌ 💧☜☼✋☜💧 ⚐☞ ❄☜💧❄💧..." (I PROPOSE WE CAPTURE OUR WAYWARD MEMBER AND PUT HER THROUGH A SERIES OF TESTS...)

"oh hell no!"

Legion barks.

"after that stunt you pulled, you aren't going near my human outside of trials."

The others look at Doctor suspiciously but all he does is look off to the side dismissively.

"🕈☟✌❄ 👎✋👎 ✡⚐🕆 ☜✠🏱☜👍❄✍ ✡⚐🕆 👌☼⚐🕆☝☟❄ ☟☜☼ ❄⚐ 💣☜. ✌ 💧⚐🕆☹ ☹✋😐☜ ❄☟✌❄📪 💧🕆👍☟ ✋💣🏱⚐💧✋👌☹☜ ☼✌☼✋❄✡📪 ✌💧 ✌ 💣✌☠ ⚐☞ 💧👍✋☜☠👍☜ ✋ 🕈✋☹☹ ❄✌😐☜ ✌☠✡ ✌☠👎 ☜✞☜☼✡ ⚐🏱🏱⚐☼❄🕆☠✋❄✡ ❄⚐ 💧❄🕆👎✡ ☟☜☼. ☜✞☜☠ ✋☞ ✋❄ 💣☜✌☠💧 💧❄☜✌☹✋☠☝ ☟☜☼ ☞☼⚐💣 ✌ ☞⚐⚐☹ ☹✋😐☜ ✡⚐🕆." (WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? YOU BROUGHT HER TO ME. A SOUL LIKE THAT, SUCH IMPOSIBLE RARITY, AS A MAN OF SCIENCE I WILL TAKE ANY AND EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO STUDY HER. EVEN IF IT MEANS STEALING HER FROM A FOOL LIKE YOU.)

His blunt condescendence only makes Legion snarl.

"Anyway...Tra la la...Aside from that, this account marks another time the Master has gotten involved in trials the lamb was in. Tra la la. Any thoughts as to this development?"

"Ain't clear? It wants the punk to be more like us."

Huntress adds.

"While I agree, the timing is something needed to be taken into account."

Pig interjects.

"She's right. *cough* The Hallowed Blight will soon be here. The signs are starting to appear in my realm. *hack*"

Clown states.

"the hell is the hallowed blight?"

Ghost Face snickers to himself.

"what's so funny, robo-douche?"

"Heh...Oh, nothing. Just ignore me."

Legion rolls his sockets.

"can we skip all this filler bull and get to the point? tell me the challenge so i can leave you assholes to fuck all."

Is it any wonder why Legion isn't respected?

Wraith nods to Nurse and she approaches Legion.

"Very well. Take this and prepare. I would wish you luck but I rather see you swallow your pride in failure."

She hands over a scrap of folded paper and Legion takes it with malice.

"yeah? i'd tell you to break a leg but it looks like you're an overachiever there."

She hisses.

"Small moronic child."

"senile old goat."

A stare down happens for a few moments before Legion takes his leave.

"...anyone else hoping that fucker gets taken this time?"

Nightmare asks, to which many of them nod in agreement.

[IN THE SURVIVOR'S FOREST]

It had been enough time in their minds. Surely she had settled down since that dumb shit went down in Léry's. And even if she hadn't, it doesn't matter, she owes them a favor she can't refuse. She belongs to them...To Legion. Plus they needed to go over the challenge so it's not like this was a social call.

{do you really think now's a good time? what if she's all worked up and the other humans spot us?}

Boo points out.

{don't be such a little bitch. we went out yesterday. we ain't goin' today.}

Chops berates.

{sounds like someone is uncertain. do not have doubts, boo. we are legion. we are only as strong as we are united.}

Dead-Eye spouts whimsically.

{*scoff* what went up your ass and made ya say such pussy shit?}

{your mom after i fucked her to death.}

{oh, ya one-eyed freak! ya wanna go?! 'cause that's what's gonna happen if ya say shit like that!}

{you do not have the guts, little man.}

"shut the fuck up, both of you! we need to focus."

Bones reprimands.

"all we have to do is stay hidden, get her attention, and lead her out here for a chat. easier than stealing chili from cannibal."

{big talk comin' from the guy that wanted to switch out to boo like a wuss forgetting we can only swap in our realm.}

Bones ignores the obvious rage-inducing jab. His sights set on more important things. Light catches his eyes. The campfire is near. And it isn't too long before he's reached the treeline.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

She's close. That's helpful. Even more helpful was a sudden movement in the corner of his eye. She stands near the edge of the camp, her hands full of glowing goop.

"Yo, David..."

She looks over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the haunting faint blue of Bones' eyes in the shadows. The sight has her forget momentarily what she was doing.

"Need somethin', Luv?"

A male built like a house sitting on a log speaks. Upon closer inspection, the guy is recognized as a notorious jackass among monsters. Great. She's close to that schmuck. Figures.

"I...I need to get rid of this gunk. I'll be right back."

The gruff man nods.

"Stay close. I don't like ya bein' out of my sight for too long."

Well, that didn't sound like a creepy dick thing to say.

"Will do."

She makes her way into the woods and he slowly follows. A fair out of earshot distance is reached before she digs into the ground with her shoe's heel.

"So...How long have you been watching?"

He leans on a tree near her. Better to keep some space if she is feeling crazy.

"not long. just got here. um...is that...?"

"Yep."

With a deep enough hole made, she kneels and drops the goop in.

"After the trial I had, I needed to clean out my scars."

She covers the blight and turns to him.

"they any worse since last time?"

"Not really."

"good."

"Bones, I get the feeling you're not here to ask about how my soul is."

He nods, retrieving the paper from his pocket and unfolding it.

"we got our first challenge."

A serious expression comes to her.

"Go on."

He reads.

"hit all 4 humans within a single use of feral frenzy with the last hit being on the obsession."

"How hard is that on the difficulty scale?"

"our power is feral frenzy. while feral frenzy is active, we move faster and gains access to the additional abilities of pallet vault and feral slash. hitting a human with a feral slash puts them into the injured state and inflicts the deep wound status effect. additionally, this refills our power and all humans within our terror radius not already afflicted with the deep wound have their location revealed to us. if the hit human was already afflicted with deep wound or we miss the attack, feral frenzy ends immediately. hitting a human with a basic attack while feral frenzy is not active will deplete the power by half of its maximum."

"In simple terms?"

"*huff* feral frenzy lasts for ten seconds, not counting add-ons or hitting boosts. so unless the four of you are within forty meters of us, it's going to be pretty damn hard."

She folds her arms.

"So we're fucked then?"

"i didn't say that..."

He pushes off the tree to stand near her.

"we've done this before. it's hard, but not impossible. the tricky part will be hitting you last. might take a few tries to nail."

She closes her eyes in thought.

"True. I'm the only one cooperating. The most I can do is try to keep the group together and push others to be in your path so I'm the last one. Other than that I can't see much else I can do."

"that's more than what we'd get without you."

Her eyes open, holding a slight sadness to them.

"what? what's with that look?"

"Huh? Nothing. Just overthinking."

He doesn't really care.

"about what?"

Yet he still asked. A weak smile graces her.

"Was...Was Shape mad at me?"

The fuck?

"what?"

"I know. You don't have to say it. I'm aware of how stupid that sounds. But...*sigh* I don't know. He didn't seem like such a bad guy. And then I went all beast mode on him. Ugh...Human, Monster...No matter what, I end up ruining anything good that potentially comes my way."

Such a pity party made him sick.

"who cares..."

He puts his hands behind his head.

"it doesn't matter what the others think. nothing in life comes easy. you just got to live for yourself and flip the rest of the world off. otherwise, you'll lose yourself trying to be something your not."

She stares at him funny.

"I think that's the nicest thing you've said to me so far."

"*scoff* don't get used to it."

"And here I thought Boo was the nice guy."

Her tease has his cheekbones lightly gaining some color. It pisses him off.

"don't make me stab you. you know i will."

"Fine, be that way. I was only trying to compliment you. I don't know what it is, but the moment we seem to get along, you default to 'gonna stab you'. Makes it really hard to want to try in this partnership."

She moves to pass him and head back to camp...but he grabs her arm.

"we didn't say you could go yet."

She eyes him funny.

"What else is there to say?"

He smirks.

"i'll owe you for it. nothing will be off the table. i promise. those were your words, remember?"

He feels her stiffen in his grasp.

"I said that to Chops. Not you."

He chuckles.

"how easily forget....we are legion. the four of us are one. what you say to one is said to us all."

She cuts an f-bomb off by biting her tongue.

"Fine. A deal's a deal, loophole or not. I don't break my promises."

His grin widens and she sneers.

"now don't be that way. i've already told you we're not like that."

She shoots him a look.

"Oh? And I suppose the knife blowjob was just a cute gesture of friendship!"

If Bones could mentally kick Chops and Dead-Eye's asses he would curb-stomp their tibias to dust.

"that...that was...uh...*groan* that's what happens when dumbasses think they can get away with stupid shit because they feel like badasses. i had nothing to do with that."

Much to her uncertainty, he lets her go and some of her guard is put down.

"ask yourself this...have i done anything like that to you?"

She sighs through her nose.

"No. You haven't. You've had the opportunity to, but didn't. So...what is it that you want then?"

He circles her a bit before stopping behind her and leaning near her ear.

"before our trial together, come to mount ormond resort. and wear something a bit more...comfortable."

Taking his words the wrong way, she spins around to slap him...but her hand is caught with ease.

"heh, too easy."

"You two-faced pervert!"

He glares.

"you were freezing your ass off last time. maybe get a jacket or something. dumbass."

Her expression softens.

"I...I'm sorry."

"damn right you're sorry."

He pushes her away.

"i like fucking with you. don't confuse that for anything else."

She pouts. This is far from the same woman that tussled with Shape.

"you can go now. we've said all we had to."

Now it's his turn to leave.

"Wait, Bones..."

Maybe it was the slight urgency in her voice or the quick footsteps that made an effort to go after him, but despite better judgment Bones comes to a stop. He wearily looks back at her from over his shoulder.

"I...I know that you all have names. Real names. Not just the ones given by the Entity or humans."

Where is she going with this?

"When I heard Doctor call himself W.D. Gaster...I've been questioning if the names you guys gave me are real or not. It's a big line I'm crossing by asking...yet...What is your true name?"

It's weird when she thinks. Such random things alter her personality. Things like this made her soft. And soft is not as appealing as one might think. Looks weak. Bones doesn't like weak.

"what if they aren't our real names? what does it matter to you?"

Her eyes dart from his, to his back, the ground, and then the emptiness behind her lids. She shakes her head and turns her back on him, slowly walking off. Why? Why did this bug him? No snarky retort or fake dismissal to cover up still intact curiosity? Just...Nothing? That...bitch!

"lynsie..."

She pauses though doesn't look at him. It pisses him off more. He runs up and punches her in the back of the head.

"Ow! The fuck's your issue?!"

"my issue? knock this shit off. it's pathetic."

"Man, fuck you."

"fuck you!"

"Fuck you!"

"fuck you, infinity!"

They glare harshly at one another. Teeth bared and growling. Tension building like a shaken soda can. This was better. There was determination in her eyes. He tosses her a bone.

"*huff* get your crap together and maybe i'll tell you later."

She becomes confused. Like that's something new.

"Tell me what later?"

He shakes his head with a small laugh.

"you're hopeless. you know that? think about it."

He takes his leave once more.

"later, meat."

He's already hidden among the darkness and trees when he hears her voice a final time.

"Thank you!"

Humble chuckles escape him.

{what's so funny, bones?}

Boo questions innocently.

"just thinking that we have an odd taste in women."

The other voices in his head fall silent, making him laugh. Things are going to get interesting next time.

[AT THE SURVIVOR'S CAMPSITE]

I arrive back at camp with no trouble. A few questionable looks are shot for how long I was gone and the shouting heard. But fuck'em. Bones is right. Screw what they think. I need to return to how I used to be before I got here. I need to focus on myself.

"Everythin' alright, Luv?"

...With maybe a random exception here or there.

"Yeah..."

I sit beside David.

"I'm feeling a lot better now."

He smirks and puts his arm around me. Nothing in life comes easy. But this? This right here? This is worth fighting for. I lay my head on his shoulder and enjoy the peace for however long it may last.

[IN THE SURVIVOR'S FOREST]

The black dirt shifts ever so slightly. A tiny withered husk barely breaches the surface with renewed life having soaked in the tainted goo that was buried atop it. This undead seed cracks. The top of its shell giving way to a small seedling. A sprout paradoxically enlivened by its death. The first Pustula has emerged. The season of Blight is nigh. And with it, hell itself is to be unleashed.

[hjertetssunnegalskap1]

HOW TO PLAY WITH TROPES AND CLICHÉ CHARACTERS/ STEREOTYPES

One of the ways I get ideas to write, is that I take some characters I love and mix them with a trope I want to try out. Tropes are common expected plot devices. Some typical fanfic examples are Friends To Lovers, Fake Dating, Bed Sharing, Enemies to Lovers, Aliens Made Them Do It, Fuck or Die, sex pollen, etc. Tropes don’t always have to be cliched like these examples. But that’s how the term is used most often, I believe.

Trope inversion occurs when an existing trope is used in a story, but flipped on its head, defying the audience's expectations. Trope subversion is when the elements of the original trope might all still be present, but deconstructed. I haven’t really subverted or inverted many of tropes , and I would love to know more about how to do that. So I have picked up some tips and tricks. To be honest, I will probably mix the terms here. 

Now, I’m going to rant a bit about different terms, attempts at definitions and examples, so jump to my pretty awesome list of tips below if you don’t want to read all of this. 

Tropes are often based in archetypes - very broad, typical examples of a certain person or thing. Can be found in all cultures. Western descriptions of archetypes are King, Queen, Witch, Wise man, Joker, Hero/ Prince etc. More general descriptions are Sage, Innocent, Explorer, Ruler, Creator, Caregiver, Magician, Hero, Outlaw, Lover, Jester, and Regular Person. I have also seen the term used to describe elements/ roles in the hero’s journey. We have a Hero, a Mentor, an Ally, a Herald, a Trickster, Shapeshifter, Guardian and Shadow. I suspect that the suggestion that we only have 7 types of stories to tell, like Overcoming the Monster, Rags to Riches, The Quest, Voyage and Return, Rebirth, Comedy  and Tragedy, implies that these story types also are archetypical. We all use them, all the time.

Tropes often end up as stereotypes, that are very typical oversimplified ideas of a particular type of character/ thing. Clichés, basically. So when I talk about tropes I suppose I mostly talk about stereotypical tropes. Since the term tropes often are used to describe typical plots and storylines, I’ll sometimes talk about stereotypes when I describe commonly expected or cliched characters. Like The Chosen One, Damsel in distress, Manic Pixie Dream Girl. All of these things are basically tropes. Hell, I will probably throw around these terms and mix them horribly. Sorry about that.

Example: The Geek meets the Manic Pixie Dream, falls hard, and grows to appreciate more in life

Let’s say you have a character who is based in the Thinker/Scholar archetype, a person who is constantly in search of knowledge, who meets a Creator, a person who wants to make things. 

The thinker can easily become a Geek, and that’s a typical western trope. And we have stereotypes about the Geek having poor social skills, being serious and wise etc. and these ideas can become cliched, boring and overdone. Just like the Creator stereotype often can become the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. The stereotypical trope would be that the Geek meets the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, falls for this person against his best intentions and grows to see more to life than facts. 

Example: Isak and Even from Skam

You can write Isak from Skam as this Geek meeting this brighter than life Even, falling for him against his will and growing from that. In a way, Skam starts out a bit like that. Isak has expressed prejudices as “hipster wannabe movie makers” like Even before, but then he sees this gorgeous Even and falls hard. However, in Skam, Isak was never written as a pure Geek role. He was more a Geek/Hero/Jester with internalised toxic masculinity, forced independence and abandonment issues based in his Christian upbringing, friend group, being left by his father etc etc. 

While Even appeared at first glance as a Lover/Creator/ Hero or Manic Pixie Dream Girl, he gradually showed more and more cracks in the facade, tricking the viewers to think he was more a Shadow/Trickster character, or a possible Fuckboy, until it was revealed that he  was a more rounded character with a troubling background, mental health issues, fears and insecurities. To be fair, Skam did follow a trope of Isak growing as a person because he met Even. They got their romantic happy ending and the viewers got what they wanted. 

It was everything but boring, though.

When trope subversions or inversions don’t work

There’s a price to pay if you subvert a trope, especially if you do it at all costs - like when they they subverted 5 years of character building in the last season of Game of Thrones. The first season has an example of excellent trope subversion (Stark). However, to pull out the rug at the end like they did in the last season, and disappoint the viewers’ trust, is probably not the best way to do this. 

Twists and turns can fail if they seem to come out of the blue. It can be smart to add some small hints of novelty from early on in the story, especially if you’re writing tropes that people find a bit boring. You won’t lose bored readers and you will prepare them that something is going on. Also, it can be good to do the subversion early enough in the story to be able to make interesting changes. 

If you choose to subvert a trope it can sometimes be wise to show why you do something differently. Like, if you write a female character who turns out to not fit the norm in the Victorian era, for instance, it could be smart to explain how this character has become who she is. If she’s this badass character fighting for equality, where do these ideas come from? Or if you have this character surviving traumas, abuse and lack of love, how does he turn into an empathic, more or less likable hero?

A lot of disappointment with trope subversions, like in Avengers Endgame or the last season of GoT, feel worse because the the characters act out of character. If you try to write something true, with characters that seem real, consistent and believable, that helps.  

If you play with a trope it helps if you manage not to make it too pretentious. I can’t think of any examples right now, but I know I have experienced it. Trope subversions often have a hint of nod to the trope itself, and humour can help making the subversion work. Like if the villain comments on how villains typically loses, before actually killing the hero. Or kissing the hero, lol, but that’s another trope.

A lot of build up that fizzles out can be disappointing. If our Victorian badass character has, say, superpowers, she also should have a reason (a way to use them). The readers expect that. So if you play with that and she fails using them, they probably should end up important in the story in some other, surprising way. Same goes with a romance where there’s a lot of pining, tension, heartache and misunderstandings and these are not addressed. If you choose to subvert this trope, it’s probably smart to address these things in a new way. 

All in all, when you subvert a trope you often will have to tread carefully to balance between meeting the readers’ expectations and not meeting them. Remember that the story always needs a satisfying conclusion.  

Then again, some say even trope subversions are becoming new tropes, and that there’s no reason to subvert them. Could be.

No matter what, I like to play with stuff like this. So. Here are some ways you can play with tropes and archetypes and maybe get some story ideas. 

MY PRETTY AWESOME LIST OF HOW TO PLAY WITH TROPES

1 Subvert clichéd characters

You can keep some parts of the wise man archetype, for instance, and change other parts of it. Instead of writing a “wise old wizard” (like Merlin, Gandalf or Dumbledore) you can make the old wizard into a cowardly old idiot. Instead of writing the love interest as a hot hero-type, you can make him more of a charming dork who is impulsive but also smart, intuitive, caring and with insecurities (Even from Skam). Another typical example from fanworks is to subvert typical gender norm characterisation or typical top/bottom or dom/sub characterisation.   

2 Parody the clichéd character

Write the typical “Hero/Warrior” character and take it almost too far - like with Thor in the Avengers, or even better, Thor in the Sandman series. In Skam, several characters are taken almost too far like this - up until a certain point. Eskild is written as the “funny gay” until he gives Isak some serious advice, Magnus is basically written as a typical horny idiot until he tells Isak some truths about bipolar disorder. Vilde becomes a parody at times, as well, as several of the other characters. 

3 Deconstruct the cliché/ stereotype

Why is the villain a villain? Why is the comic relief a comic relief? Identify the attributes of a character type - say, the likable and frivolous Comic Relief character. For instance Chris Berg in Skam. Explain her in a surprising way - perhaps she’s not just a clown or a funny sidekick, but uses humor as a coping mechanism. Reveal something deeper and true about the character (Chris wants to be a good friend but doesn’t know how to do this because of reasons, clowns are often sad behind the joker mask, etc). Make readers wonder if they’ve misjudged the stereotype. This can sometimes work with typical fandom clichés as well. 

4 Lampshading a character or a trope

“Hanging a lampshade” is the technique of countering your reader’s disbelief in a character’s ‘reality’ by acknowledging how blatantly they fit a cliché. The would-be victim in a horror story trips while running away (as they always seem to do) but the would-be killer stops and comments it. Perhaps they say, “Oh, you’re going to trip and make this boring?” Another typical one is when the villain has captured the hero and the hero finds a way to escape while the villain has his big speech. I love subversions of that trope, like in Black Orchid where the villain comments it and shoots the hero without a speech (if I remember correctly). In a way, season 3 in Skam does something similar to lampshading. The season is written as an epic love story, but the characters comment this in different ways, talking about epic love stories, movie references etc. 

5 Turn the plot trope upside down

You can hint about a trope, than turn things around. Sometimes this is called baiting, or showing that the expectation was a red herring. For example, you can write a story where you set up a typical hero story but the hero befriends the dragon instead of killing it. Or maybe the dragon wins. Bed sharing and it leads to nothing. Fake dating where they stop lying.  A setup for a possessive jealous partner who doesn’t get possessive at all. Soulmate story where the heroes aren’t soulmates. An ugly duckling story where the makeover doesn’t really change anything. 

6 Parody the plot trope

Write the plot trope but amp it up and make it extreme. Fake dating going too far (whatever that means), or soulmate story where all the brutal implications are clear. Ending in disaster, most likely. I can’t think of good examples here but I suppose crack fics are a bit like this. Oh, and parodic horror movies. Parodic movies in general, probably.

7 Deconstruct the trope

Somehow make it believable that the story builds as it does, based in the background of this world, or the characters. If I use Skam as an example again, the plot in season 3 is a quite typical boy meets boy trope, strangers to lovers, and it includes tropes like personal growth, miscommunication to communication, but it doesn’t feel forced because the characters feel true and real and their actions make sense based on their backgrounds. We get the feeling that there’s something deep and true behind it all. Isak’s difficulties makes sense, and so do Even’s and it also makes sense that they get each other.  

8 Changing the point of view

This is a neat trick. You can pick any fairytale and make something new if you write it in the pov of the villain, or the jealous hindrance character, or one of the helpers. You can write fake dating viewed from the outside. Or a coffee shop story where you’re the guy washing the dishes, or perhaps the owner of the coffee shop, getting annoyed at the baristas flirting with the guests? Or a cute meeting where you’re a bystander watching someone crash into each other, and you almost piss yourself laughing. 

9 Switch a story element

You can put the whole trope into a new location, like a new time or place, and make a new type of story. For instance, a love story in space can give an interesting twist. You can write a fairytale set in modern time. Most AUs are switched story elements like these. The trope is still being as it is, so this isn’t really a subversion, but the trope is dressed up in a way that's unique.

10 Averting the trope

This isn’t really playing with the trope at all, since it’s just avoiding it. Like, writing an action movie with cars but without a car chase (oh puhlease that’s like a dream, I hate car chases). It is when you would very much expect the trope but despite there being plenty of opportunity for it, it is never used.  

That’s it. I probably mixed a lot of terms and ideas. I still hope you found some interesting ways to play with characters and plots. There are so many more ways to do this, but these are my tips, I sure had a lot of fun writing this. 

[hartknyx]

Festivids 2020

(Dear Festividder letter below the cut!) (ETA: Also cross-posted to Dreamwidth since that seems to be the thing: https://hartknyx.dreamwidth.org/258.html)

Hi Festividder! I'm new to Festivids (and, tbh, to vidding) and excited to participate. I'll be thrilled with whatever you do! But guidelines are usually inspiring, so here are some:

I love vids about characters and/or relationships between characters, romantic or otherwise. I love vids with humor. I love vids that tell a story. I love creative or out-of-context reinterpretations of source material, if they're respectful. I love queer and feminist perspectives. I love people being badass, especially ladies. I love complicated feelings that don't fit into boxes. I don't usually enjoy things that are emotionally serious or sappy.

Re: music, I love almost anything that has both a melody and a beat. If it's pop or sounds like pop I'm probably into it, and bonus points for being upbeat. I do have a special fondness for just about anything from the 1960s, and if you manage to use a Dessa song I'm going to die for you. That said, this is just for inspiration - it's way more important that YOU like the song (or other audio) enough to vid!

I'm been into some popular, non-Festivids-eligible fandoms lately, so most of my Festivids fandom picks are nostalgia for me. I'll write a few words for what I love most about each of them. I hope you enjoy (re)visiting one of them!

Atlantis: The Lost Empire - Complex diverse found family feelings; adventure; linguistics! I love Kida's character design, just, so much. Helga isn't my personal favorite character but she has the most incredible moments in this movie and I think a vid focused on her and/or her journey could be amazing. I do hear there's a sequel but I never dared to sully my love of the original by watching it; I'm down should you use footage from it though - could be a nice surprise.

Ghostbusters (2016) - Ladies kicking ass and being funny doing it! Amazing. I adore Holtzmann's wild style in particular, but would also appreciate a tribute to the whole team and/or Kevin.

Magic School Bus (1994) - I have a deeply held love for every one of these kids (and Ms. Frizzle, and Liz, and the bus) and their adventures. They're all my favorite episodes, but the sound museum and the dinosaurs are my most favorite episodes. There are so many different settings it would be fun to play with in a themed vid (space! animals! weather!), or even a parody (set the dinosaur episode to the Jurassic Park theme! set the asteroid episode where the bus turns into the Enterprise to a Star Trek song! set the episode where the bus breaks down and they take refuge in a spooky house to Rocky Horror!). Or just take footage wildly out of context for a song that encourages that! This is one of the rare cases where I'd also be into a more serious tribute to the characters or show (the class! The Frizzle family! Arnold and Ms Frizzle specifically! SCIENCE!). I didn't vibe with the rebooted Netflix series, but if you have an idea for it (or a crossover) you can't ignore, go wild!

A Midsummer Night's Dream (2019) - My favorite Shakespeare play! (I've only seen the trailer for this production, enough to go "ooh, Gwendoline Christie" and "ooh, they flipped at least some of the Titania/Oberon roles".) Helena is my best girl; I've got a weakness for her unrequited feelings for Demetrius (and, arguably, Hermia), and that crazy knot of lovers. The course of true love never did run smooth and I'd love to see what that looks like in a vid.

My Next Life as a Villainess - This is a recent, one-season (so far) anime about a girl who gets transmigrated into a dating sim - as the villainess, who has an unhappy ending in the game. She starts plotting to avoid that fate, obliviously capturing the hearts of all the other characters along the way in a very bi harem. I'm not personally into any one pairing above the others, but would especially love to see a tribute specifically focusing on the bi-ness!

Stardust - Ah, Stardust, the epic humorous fantasy movie of my generation. I think of it as a spiritual successor to the Princess Bride (and would absoutely be into a crossover). I love Tristan's glow up, and his friendship/romance with Yvaine, and Captain Shakespeare, and the dysfunctional dead royal family; anything from this movie would make me happy.

[brunhiddensmusings]

year in review of parenting

thought i would try and record a few prime interactions ive had with my kids so i remember them as my 3 daughters are just so out there - daughter says shes interested in becoming an animator so i have to line up a list of animations on youtube i know were made by one person, including ‘no evil’ by betsy lee, dingo doodles sips and the karaoke of doom, ‘witches on tinder’, and piemations as examples of the kind of thing one person can reasonably do with a lot of dedication and if you pay close attention you can see how each of the animations are done differently - explaining what skaa was, twice - spending  time at gamestop just discussion how some funko pops make sense and some are super dumb. makes sense funko pop would be one of the main characters of a movie thats well loved, dumb ones would be the same but for a movie literally nobody likes but funko pops were released before the movie was so they will never sell, or having 40+ differnt versions of rick and another 50 of morty. even having 15+ different batmans doesnt make sense because given the choice do you want orange batman or classic batman? - no i cannot go to your school to beat up the kid who was mean to you. i mean technically im physically able to but thats not the point - explaining what the music style ‘scat’ is and why its unrelated to the same word used to mean ‘wild animal poop’ - i dont know how to explain to you who freddie mercury is because were in a car and i cant show you a youtube of bohemian rhapsody while im driving - explaining why i am irritated at the kid friendly versions of classic horror monsters, they dont get it so i have to go into detail a- is the wolfman scary? like just a dude thats hairy? no. no he is not. however imagine that someone you know, and you dont know who, may at some point in time turn into a ravenous monster who will attack their friends ruthlessly, its already happened at least once so everyone is on edge wondering who it is. however, secretly it is you that is the monster, living in fear that you could loose control and kill the ones you love most b- the frankenstins monster, just a big green dude with bolts in his neck? scary? no, hes just a larger zombie basically. however imagine someone at college going nutty and then starts to raid the morgue, the cemetery, butcher shops, and surgery wards at hospitals for the human parts he stitches together into a rude parody of a human being and brings it to life. but it doesnt stop there, because he abandoned this new creature that thing now stalks him out of revenge, one by one killing everyone they know - the kids now understand why the majority of the classic monsters are supposed to be scary as balls - explaining COPPA to them because several youtubers we watch together have started loudly announcing ‘not for children’, at which they unprompted start complaining about a youtuber called ‘ryans world’ where a very annoying screaming child tells everyone to buy shit and is repeatedly recommended to them by the algorithm because it knows theyre kids. i should have taken that as a warning so i wasnt surprised at just how much ‘ryans world’ merchandise was in stores this year, like ye gods theres more of it then there was starwars and harry potter merch combined he has his own cereal which is apparently frootloops and disturbing plush animals. we agreed its weird when on his merch theres four different characters but the pink cat girl looks like she was made by someone different then the others because shes got way better detail - explain to kids that ‘green eggs and ham’ was made on a dare, which requires me to recite the whole thing for them to count that there are exactly 50 different words 5 year old- “wheres my sister” me- “in the bathroom, why” 5 year old- “imma hug her” me- “nn.... wow youre - 14 year old in the bathroom- “GAAH!” me- “-fast” - i can do a perfect impression of the ‘huhuhuhuh’ sound sans undertale makes - its been 3 years of me using the phrase ‘sans undertale’ specifically and my daughter who has spent the last 3 years dressing like him and listening to his music hasnt caught on that the way im phrasing it is in fact a joke - kids accidentally stumble uppon a history meme i was part of and i have to explain thats a thing i do - explain to kids what the emu war was - explain to kids who rasputin was - explain to the kids what the problem with hitler was, given the 11 year old is supposed to only get this in the school curriculum this next year i can understand why she was shocked. 14 year old was also shocked becuase she is in the between part of ‘we briefly touched on that war’ and ‘okay now that you are old enough we can explain how shoving people into ovens works’ - they asked, they really did, and only then do i realize that despite it being something everyone should definitely be aware of... figuring out how old and how to explain it really is a tricky matter cause ho-damn most adults get queasy when you explain it and im sure those kids had bad dreams for a week - theyre also aware of the trump concentration camps and were able to draw the connections real quick - pun contest - kid asks me to acquire a daft punk song for her so i can put it on her mp3 player, i have never heard of this song despite her spending 5 minutes describing it and how their eyes are freaky. have to explain to her that when i was about her age daft punk released an entire movie made of music videos. we have to show each other different daft punk videos to understand each other - no, daft punk are the robots, not the blue eye people. literally nobody knows what they look like under the helmets they even show up to music award shows wearing them. the helmets can actually make words and emotes theyre really rad songs we have erupted into together - spooky scary skeletons - narwhals narwhals - another irish drinking song - hubba hubba zoot zoot

[carriagelamp]

April 2020 Book Review - Quarantine Brain Fry Edition

This month of quarantine was much more challenging for me that last March... I suppose because we’re really in the throws of it, and the “extended spring break” feel has worn off. Between general World Anxieties and the incredible challenges of trying to adapt my work into an online setting, my brain has been absolute mush -- and I have a feeling I’m not the only one. Most of my books this month are either very easy reads (comics and children’s novels) or rereads or both! Honestly, I’ve been playing a lot more Animal Crossing than I have been reading...

So the theme for this month of reading? Treat your brain to a rest, and go reread that favourite comic or picture book or graphic novel from when you were a kid. We don’t have libraries or book stores at the moment, so dig deep into your shelf for something you love that you haven’t touched in a while. Here’s what I read:

Ghost Hunters Adventure Club and the Mystery of the Grande Chateau

I’m going to start with best and most unexpected book that I read this month (although this is actually a New Book and not a reread, so maybe it’s a bad start). It’s a Hardy Boys parody novel, and yes it’s by the Game Grumps. The only reason I even found out it existed was because my brother heard about it and we decided that this would be our next Sibling Read Aloud. It made a great read aloud. I was rather skeptical at first, but it was genuinely very clever and very, very funny. There characters were fucking delightful, as they bumbled their way through the mystery, and we ended up accidentally reading almost half the book in one sitting because we couldn’t put it down once we got to endgame. If you like satire and Classic Youth Mystery then do yourself a favour and give this a go. I am desperate for a sequel.

ISHI: Simple Tips from a Solid Friend

A picture book that was recommended to some of the local elementary children who are dealing with isolation from school and their friends. Its beauty is in its simplicity. It shows Ishi, a very simple white stone, experience challenges that it must then find ways to cope with. Things like loneliness, feeling empty or scared, being sad... all things children (and adults, I very much appreciated this little story) may be experiencing. This is definitely a picture book, not a self-help book, but it’s still very encouraging and makes me want to go and create my own Ishi. There’s a reading of it is online, and if you’re feeling like having a solid stone friend reassure you, I would recommend going to listen to it!

Bone 1-5

So, the first in my long list of books that I reread: I’ve started rereading the Bone series for the first time in years. Hands down one of my all time favourite graphic novel series. If you haven’t read Bone, it’s a classic and one of the best example of American graphic novels imho. It’s about Fone Bone and his cousins who, after being driven out of Boneville by Phoney Bone’s money-grubbling stunts, have found themselves across a desert and in a strange, fantastical valley where nothing makes sense. The three of them get drawn into the strange mysteries and adventures of Thorn, her grandmother, and the village of Barrelhaven. Such a perfect blend of beautiful art, comedy and off-the-wall cartoon-level hijinks, as well as really intense, dark adventure and tension as the story unfolds.

Also created this sequence, which may be the funniest two panels ever drawn in a comic

Here Is Greenwood v1

A charming ‘90s manga from my stash that I decided to reread. Honestly one of my favourite feel-good mangas, because it’s such a simple, pure, good-hearted slice of life without some of the gimmicks that other manga use. It’s about Kazuya starting at an all-boys school partway into the year, and moving into the school’s dorms. The entire book is just about him being constantly pestered by the well-meaning characters that share the dorm with him. It’s just goofy and fun, and has the fantastic aesthetic of a good ‘90s manga. Also, it was one of those books that, while technically not ~queer~ was also ~queer enough~ for my deprived teenage soul.

Blood Of Elves

The fourth book of the Witcher series that I’ve finished. I’ll be honest, not my favourite. I really enjoyed the beginning, the whole espionage thing with Dandelion, and then Ciri with Geralt, the Kaer Morhen witchers, and Triss. That was all really fun. It felt like it dragged a lot more though after Ciri joined Yennefer... And yet I love Yennefer as a character, she is hilariously snide and clever and really sweet with Ciri. But it felt like a scene that could have been done in a couple chapters took up half the book. Maybe that’s just because, as I said, my brain was mush and I couldn’t deal with it. I have the next book and as soon as my brain doesn’t look like chicken noodle soup anymore I will be starting it!

The Mouse and the Motorcycle

You know I love a good animal adventure story, and this is one that I adored as a child. The story of Ralph, a young mouse living with his family in a rundown motel, and how he and a young human boy discover that they can understand each other through a shared passion for vehicles... in particular a red toy motorcycle. There’s just something heartwarming about Ralph racing around a motel on a tiny toy motorcycle that runs when he makes motorcycles noises. I’ll have to find the second one as soon as libraries are open again.

Kit: The Adventures of a Raccoon

Another animal adventure story from my childhood, although this one is more of a chapter book than a true novel. This is a book that I’ve been lowkey hunting for years and finally came across in a school library. It’s a more realistic look at what a raccoon’s life is like, from birth to adulthood. Rereading it, it’s not a particularly exciting book and wouldn’t have otherwise stood out to me, but there’s still something that calls to me. It’s very gentle and makes this raccoon’s growing and learning feel very soft and compassionate, even if there are tragedies and death.

A quick edit because it was only just now that I realized that this is a Canadian lit book! Always exciting to discover that a favourite is Canadian!

Calvin and Hobbes: Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat

Calvin and Hobbes, yet one more bullet to add to the list of Comfort Comics that I’ve pulled out to keep my mind entertained while I can’t quite process Proper Novels. I doubt there’s anything I can say about Calvin and Hobbes that hasn’t already been said. You’ve either read these books already, and are nodding along with  me, or you haven’t and therefore are not a human being I can relate to.

Spy vs Spy

I dug out some of the old Spy vs Spy comics we had as kids. They’re basically falling to pieces, but it was fun -- like so many other books on this list -- to revisit something so familiar but which I haven’t looked at in years. These were a very odd experience to reread, because on one hand Spy vs Spy comics have such a simple, goofy premise it’s hard not to just grin and laugh while you read them, but also like... yup they sure are old and kinda ~problematique~ eh? Whatcha gonna do.

The Twisted Ones

The read aloud my brother and I did before Ghost Hunters, although we technically finished reading it at the very end of March, but too late for it to make that book roundup post. Look, I’m not going to defend myself here. Yes, I’ve read an obscene number of Five Nights at Freddy’s books. The first one of this series The Silver Eyes was honestly better than I would have expected. This sequel was not as good, unsurprisingly, but the main character is still so fucking bizarre, so different than the sort of protagonist I would normally expect from a series like this, that I can’t quite bring myself to stop reading them. And when I had a moment of Realization, about what might be in store for the third book, I genuinely screamed at my brother who was reading at the time. So yes. Somehow this youth horror is better than it has any right to be -- not good but better than it should be -- and yes I will be reading the third the second the libraries open again.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Another reread! This was a book I got as a birthday present when I was in... probably preschool? It’s a cross between a large picture book and a chapter book. It’s essentially a “novelization” of the original Disney movie, and it has such cute art to go along with it. Winnie the Pooh has always been a favourite of mine, and reading this old book was like a warm hug. Makes me want to see if I can get my VCR set up so I can watch that old movie again...

Frog and Toad Together

A friend found someone reading this book in a very asmr-style on youtube and recommended I listen because they found it super chill. And they were right! It is ridiculously chill. I’ve never read a Frog and Toad story before, but it’s really just a very cute old book that immediately launches you right back into grade one.

The BFG

This is my first time reading the BFG and it has all of Dahl’s usual charm and quirkiness. A young girl gets plucked out of an abusive orphanage by the Big Friendly Giant, who brings her to the terrifying Land Of Giants... all of which are bigger and crueller than the BFG, and who have an appetite for human flesh. It was quick and fun, and it’s always hard not to fall in love with Dahl’s sweet characters, especially this big eared, dream-catching giant.