#also i'm sick and feel like a s s
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...so now that grandfest is over and the results were revealed am i allowed to say that some of y'all were such dicks to team present over their team choice for NO good reason ever since grandfest was revealed or am i going to get mauled for being right.
anyways congrats to the team past members who weren't assholes about their team choice and those team past members only every match against you guys made me feel like i was crawling in the trenches and it's very impressive 👍
#ghost whispers#splatoon#splatfest#grandfest#grand festival#feeling brave i'm putting this in the tags. just know if u start shit i'm blocking u#if u think me posting this is why i turned off asks ur mistaken i've had them off for a hot second now lol#i know it's in the spirit of finalfest to be an ass to the team y'all don't want to win ig but. seriously. some of y'all needed to shut up#genuinely i'm so sick of hearing 'at least team present didn't win' or 'don't let present win' and y'all being dicks about our team choice#that and i'm going to be real i genuinely doubt nintendo is going to do that much for what the winning team will effect the next game#u all saw how much chaos effected splat 3. u saw how much splat 1's effected things#like i'm going to be real it's only going to effect shit subtly i feel like and the losing teams are still gonna have a presence like alway#and that point aside. people were also picking past for squid sisters and future for deep cut too so i'm just???#baffled why u need to complain about the small selection of people who picked present for oth??? who gives a shit
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tuna bazooka
#my art#my doodles#fan art#crash bandicoot#crash bandicoot fanart#tawna bandicoot#listen I think she can brains beauty AND brawn all together#the total package#I haven’t drawn cash banooca stuff since like…2020 damn#I’m not very good at drawing anthro stuff but I hope she turned out alright!#I do apologize if the pose looks wonky I didn’t look up any refs like a dummy#also i'm sick and feel like a s s#this was originally just gonna be a little sketch but I got carried away 😭😭#anyway tawna supremacy
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VARGASTOBER - day 2 : johnny c.
#sunny's art#vargastober2023#vargastober#GUYS GUYS GUYS COME BACK COME BACK I DID THE ART COME B#nny#johnny c#jthm#oh no !! he's dead !!#johnny the homicidal maniac#man i was FUCKING DYING#i'm sick . ughhhhh#i already took a pill and now i feel better though#i think this is the first time you guys see me draw nny :0#great message on the shirt . thanks !#le copié a emily con eso de la escala de colores a blanco y negro y me funcionó . gracias emily . (tqm)#i'm so so so tired i feel like i'm gonna pass outtttttt#anyways . SCRIABIN'S NEXT !#and this time i WILL FINISH IT ON TIME !#hopefully ... i still feel like i'm dying .#a este sí le eché ganas (crying)#help me guys breathing feels spicy#also a little thing that happened#i was pretty sad because i had to give my friend's tablet back bc he needed it#and without it i can´t draw in ibis paint#i like ibis paint because it has a lot of pretty brushes#and then i opened sai and i had the prettiest brush ever there ?? waiting for me to use it .#soooo uhhhh#vargas#zarla s#vargas zarla
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..
#ash rambles 💚#negative#part of it is definitely the weather#it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed#but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today#im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up#and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see#me as more than a friend and other stuff like that#i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and#i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that#if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore#what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked#to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s#just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me#being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO#I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot#and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as#though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and#i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA#holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always#bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles#(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if#I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later#i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..
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Wow i really don't want to go to work tomorrow 🙃
#i'm beginning to feel nervous#i don't like the prospect of so much responsibility#i know people keep telling me it's gonna be fine and that I'm not alone but well#it sure feels like it#also they want to rearrange the offices so I'll probably lose my current desk#and have to move to a different office#i hate this#if they place me in the open office I'll quit not even kidding#god i feel sick#i have three (3) (!) meetings tomorrow already#it's gonna be so embarrassing to be in that big meeting where all the editors are participating and have to talk about their journal(s)#like hey guys uhm idk how my journal is going#i literally just got here haha#oh well#what can you do#i'll have to fake it and get through it somehow#this is fine#work stuff
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how fucking dumb that the human body has these stupid little crystals in your ear that if you even so much as lay wrong get all fucked up and pool in the wrong spot/keep moving and you just. have vertigo after that until you're able to get the crystals back in the right position.
#woke up with vertigo today#not having a great time!#spending the morning trying to get my day on while also learning the epley movement and hoping that works#because i don't have time to get vertigo and dizziness every time i look down and to the left lmfao#my dad gets pretty bad vertigo so i feel like i should have expected this to happen someday#given i'm already super prone to motion sickness#fucking why the hell do we have crystals in our ears what s up with that how dumb#my stuff
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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For those that get their period; does orgasming help?
Maybe it's cus of my pcos but I feel like the periods I m*sterbate through are easier than the ones where I don't (pls feel free to add your two cents!)
#tw: period talk#I've got a meaty thick undercarriage#and I think I'm general my bodies muscles are tight n hard like rocks#so I feel like the act of cmming opens me up and pushes shit out#I get sick sometimes cus it all gets trapped inside of me#and I'm like an extremely heavy bleeder#it's kinda the same feeling as throwing up or di*rrhea#it's gross and unpleasant but also it feels good cus you can feel the bad things leaving you????#i probably sound weird I'm SORRY I don't have a therapist 😭#yknow the scooper from the FNAF series? I feel like I scoop my insides every time I c-m#aggsdfffff tmi but sorry😭#feel free to leave your experiences/advice/opinions etc if you get a period#it's gross but we need to talk to each other kinda like finding out y'all get paid differently before y'all decide on a union#I'm sorry I high and lonely aggssffffff#anyway let's discuss periods cus I never had that safe place in my life#scenario: my partner gives me forced O s to make my cramps feel better and they shush my sobs with my favorite chocolate#i don't feel like a woman🙃#like...I feel so seperate from the concept todsy#God wouldn't give me these feelings pre weed if they didn't mean something#some days gebder is really hard and I want people to see -real name- not my gender :/#like I'm one of those people who'd use my name as pronouns#I'm just a lil fella#the plots of muppets in space has been my entire life#I feel like it'd be eaiser if I was fully trans cus like#that sounds more legit than 'sometimes I feel different genders'#it sounds like I smoked at least I can see my dad thinking that#I wouldn't even make my dad or family use different pronouns or even involve them in that part of my identity#but I feel like by them not knowing it's a big lie and I really hate lying :(#that's what made me come out as gay even tho I was single#I just...I don't like hiding or lying I wanna share the real me
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they should invent a friend for me who doesn't randomly stop talking to me for no reason
#my best friend. MY. BEST. FRIEND.#has been ignoring me since yesterday#and i just.... honestly i feel like giving up at this point#this is about the 5th time this has happened to me in my life AND I AM SO SICK OF IT#am i doing sth wrong????#are all the people around me just assholes????#i know that this won't go on forever and that she will get back to me at some point and explain (hopefully)#but oh gosh i am not okay#like maybe i wouldn't be reacting this way if this wasn't the X time I'm re-living this whole situation#in primary school i had an entire friend group just decide to hate me IN ONE DAY#and then in high school one of my closest friends also just started treating me like she hates me#so then all my friends just followed her lead#then last year a friend (whom i only saw every couple of months) avoided me at our mutual friends wedding#and then didn't invite me to her own wedding a few months later (she too was one of my closest and longest friends)#and then there's S#but then again at least he explained so I know this situation was not really my fault#and now this??????#i swear i have been fighting tooth and nail to continue to be caring and wear my heart on my sleeve#and BY THE GRACE OF GOD i am still able to be so#but oh gosh oh goodness this is hard#mine#personal
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I apologize for being a huge butthurt SU fan on main today.
It will happen again. Probably whenever another story driven cartoon's finale occurs and people use that to bash SU too.
Honestly the only thing making that a "probably" is that I can't think of any current story driven cartoons right now.
#i mean there was dead end paranormal park but... *shakes fist at netflix*#tgamm and mmadd have like. background arcs ig but theyre more episodic so i don't count them#but yeah. what I'm getting at is that--like I've said before--pretty much every non-SU modern story#driven cartoon kills off its big bads but every time it happens it feels like the entire animation fandom thinks#it's the first time it's ever happened and TAKE THAT STUPID STEPHEN GALAXIES!#like literally the only other story driven cartoon this century i can think of that didn’t kill off its big bad#was atla and there was disk horse over that bit too! 'oh no how dare this 12 year old raised in a pacifist culture#not want to murder a guy!!!!!!'#i do have issues with that resolution but only because i still think the lion turtle thing came out of nowhere#hmm. i guess technically lok is in the same 'didn't kill its big bad' boat but that's more complicated#since it had seasonal villains and not One Main Big Bad#anyway. that's besides the point#my real point is that i am and forever will be a butthurt su fan who's sick of everyone shitting on it all the time#and i will end up demonstrating that again in the future#so i also apologize preemptively#s says some words
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Well, the French are well known to give children alcohol (a little, together with adults, to enjoy with a meal not to get drunk) and that's not generally regarded as harmful, just a different part of their culture. I wouldn't think it was outrageous if Americans were giving their kids a little cider as training-wheels booze, but the Americans are notoriously puritanical about booze (while also being appalling binge drinkers when they give themselves permission) so I reasoned "That can't be what it sounds like, but I can't figure out what it actually IS from context alone." I first encountered this in the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic episode with Flim and Flam where the lesson Applejack learns is that she didn't need to learn shit, she was right all along. In which Rainbow Dash is absolutely insane for the cider that the Apple family make once a year as a seasonal special, like she is a raging dipso but just for this specific brief period of the autumn. It was confusing for a while.
I only learned recently that people from Not America don’t specify hard cider and instead it’s just cider.
I know this is a small difference but it is surprisingly one I do sometimes have to lie down on the floor about.
#Drinks#Alcohol#Americana#anyway that's not fucking cider#look I'm from New Zealand#we are also appalling binge drinkers#there is a cheap brand of strong cider here called Scrumpy#(scrumpy is a general term for a type of cider but that's the brand name)#and there's a party game called Edward Scrumpyhands#in which a 1.5l of Scrumpy is taped to each of a player's hands#and the tape will not be removed until he has consumed both#(this is often followed by being lavishly sick)#btw I have never been drunk to the point of vomiting#I've been thoroughly drunk#but I haven't hurled#and I am glad#both because I hate the feeling and the smell of vomiting#and because I don't like to be wasteful#anyway I don't particularly care for Scrumpy#but Old Mout scrumpy (with a small s) is really nice and crisp
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The one main thing to power through is how weird it feels to exert energy after so long. Oh... [I] can sit here telling you how to streamline your existence. I can tell you how to produce the most amount of bodies with the least amount of energy. I can tell you how to teleport not by flinging yourself through space and time but by convincing reality on the other end that it already has you. I can tell you how to store energy from food better than a bear in winter, how to manifest in a convincing body form without it being an actual body, how to exert pressure by controlling the flow of the place you're in and the minds of the witnesses without exerting it yourself, how to store most of your existence out of manifestation, how to communicate through automatically translated morse code type things where you speak tiny dots of information that unravel like those shrunken towels that expand in water... I can tell you so much about being a fish in water - so efficient at moving through reality you won't notice I'm dead because my existence still keeps up with the flow. But. uh. hm. Well I guess now exerting anything looks and feels like a monumental waste of time and energy
#I wonderrr which self balks at having a form or. what I'm trying to do now. which is make these tendrils that feel reality a proper thing#God. Look. I'm so sick of people not shutting the fuck up about the Splitting but at the same time yeah no uh#Going from that existence to this one even if it was innumerable years ago............#Going from being connected to Zeus The Heavens and attached to that energy and expending it and being like a computer hooked up to a#houses wiring to. having to produce our own electricity by biking while also expending the energy required to process one's#own software and hardware for ones computer existence......... bruh. I don't have the energy. literally.#There's (a lot) more to it than that but also like.#~abyssal murmurs#S: black //#astral diary //#Sort of. Idk in what reality these are in but I mean Black lives over there so
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Bestie. Save me bestie (started my period and it's just as bad as I thought it would be and no one in the house right now will help me so I'm thinking about Stretchy to cope)
#guess whose period cramps are so bad they literally cannot move#meeeeee :3#seriously though it sucks#and my mom and sjster are out so I'm stuck with ky grandma (who won't help me even though I need her to help me right now)#like all I need js for her to bring me the heatng pad but eeither she can't hear me or she's ignoring me#I ended up having to get up and get it myself (which was not q good idea because now the cramps are so bad I feel sick)#< and I'm hurting to bad to go to the kitchen to get my nausea meds so. yeah great /s#also almost collapsed from the pain and had to grab my bookcase to steady myself (and almost pulled the entire thing down)#GOD it's frustrating#at least I know Stretchy would help me if I needed ut#menstruation tw
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A little girl just fucking died and half you fuckers are still acting like this is some political discourse and going on about hamas fuck you I've actually had enough
#if you hear abt a child being murdered#and you decide to start reblogging posts abr how oppressed the libs are for standing up to ham@s I hope you fucking kill yourself or learn#to shut the fuck up forever I'm so fr right now#Im so fuckign sick of it all#ask to tag#look. i get it#i don't expect everyone to have the ability to process and respond to what's going on#but if you can't than you need to have the fucking decency to shut the fuck up#was it fun? was it fun using other people's pain for attention?#did you feel real cool making a genocide about you? did you have a good time dragging J3wish culture through the fucking mud unprompted?#did you get some kind of vindication when P@listinians got mad at you for making ongoing murders about your stupid fucking internet#discourse are you getting an A in the echo chamber?#like Im not even arguing with z10nists#kys i dont know how to process all this#also /nbh on this unless my ex mutual who kept putting tr1b!tuary on my dash is still following#if so like. Please shut the fuck up. for the love of god. go back to fandom posting if all you're gonna do is reblog z10nists and then#pretend to support p@l2stine
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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID
Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.
Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.
COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.
Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).
There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.
So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.
COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.
The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".
Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."
There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.
You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.
I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.
This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.
Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.
Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.
Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.
Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.
Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.
And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.
Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.
I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.
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