#also i’m still just posting my random thoughts from my notes ‘til i finish the espilver comic or that fic

[pacifistcowboy]

d’you think espio is envious of the fact that charmy looks up to shadow instead of him

[leesh]

because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life. 

basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!

check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).

note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.

holidate (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”

my christmas inn (2018) 

⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.

christmas made to order (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable. 

last christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.

operation christmas drop (2020) 

⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism. 

the knight before christmas (2019) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me. 

the princess switch (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?

the princess switch: switched again (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.

midnight at the magnolia (2020) 

⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.

christmas wonderland (2018) 

⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.

a wish for christmas (2016) 

⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.

christmas with a prince (2018) 

⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.

a royal christmas engagement (2020) 

⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”

christmas wedding planning (2017)

⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!

santa girl (2019)

⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.

the christmas chronicles (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.

the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)

⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.

forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)

⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world. 

noelle (2019)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!

the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!

[mymindwide]

Madness

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 3464

Warning: jealousy, angst, feelings, smut with fingering, male receiving blowjob, riding and fluff. A little from everything.

Summary: You started out as part time lovers, but maybe one of you want more?

Author’s note: The inspiration behind this piece was a part of the lyrics of the song - Escape from LA by The Weeknd.

She pulled up to the studio Nobody's watching She closed the door and then she locked it For me, for me We had sex in the studio Nobody walked in I cut my verse and then she popped it For me, for me

...

She got Chrome Hearts hangin' from her neck And them shits going wild When she ride, she hold tight She gon' ride 'til sweat fall down her spine

My beautiful angel, my nr. 1 supporter, my partner in hoeing @littledrummerangie (aka @littledrummeraussie) asked me/convinced me to post this. If you’ll like it, thank her. Take care and enjoy your read.

*****

“Should we maybe test it together?” his eyes bored into yours leaving no doubt about his intentions.

“Lead the way, handsome…” came the immediate response from you, as you slithered your hand in his leaving no doubt for him about your consent.

The offering referred to the club’s renovated bathroom where the two of you locked yourself up.

That’s how it all started, how you ended up on the counter of the VIP club’s bathroom, your skirt rolled up to your waist, your panties pulled aside, being fucked by a handsome stranger you just met but immediately found a mutual point regarding why you visited the club in the first place.

None of you thought it could be more than a one night stand, but you officially became fuck buddies. Both of you went there to have fun and find someone who could possibly help release the tension and stress that slowly aggregated in you and couldn’t find a quick way out for lack of a partner. You thought you’d just “fallen in love” for that particular night but it was good enough for both of you that you changed numbers and agreed on that you have to repeat it sometime in the future. But your second quickie was followed by another and then another one…

Actually you were surprised how easily and smoothly you came to terms over what you two had – high-class sex, no strings attached. It is what it is, without complications. You enjoyed each other’s company and body and with that you took everything the other could offer. As it turned out on the day of your acquaintance in the club, both of your latest failed relationships taught you enough to not get involved in anything serious, at least for now, and this was good enough for the both of you. The only rule you insisted on was that there are no rules. You called or texted each other whenever you needed each other, but otherwise everyone could go on their separate way, and do whatever they wish with whoever they please.

Over the course of your ongoing fuck buddiness various locations provided a safe place for you to luxuriate your desires - sometimes he invited you to his home, sometimes it was you who had him up to your flat, but if you lost the fight against your eagerness, on several occasions you did it in his car as well – all in the name of mutual agreement of the friends with benefits state, except that you couldn’t even be called friends. You talked, of course, beside the sex, and you know little things about the other, but serious or deep things? Heaven-shattering big secrets? Not so much.

And this is exactly why you were so surprised by your own reaction at finding out that most likely your part time lover has someone else to have fun with. It’s been a pleasant Friday afternoon, you were spending your lunch-break sitting on the terrace of your favorite restaurant at noon having just finished with your lunch, when surfing through the daily news at the tabloid section you found paparazzi pictures of Ashton with a seemingly nice-looking girl while they’re having breakfast and coffee, smiling and laughing. You felt a strange grip in your heart - a painful reminder of something you tried to push back into the depths of your mind, something you didn’t want to acknowledge, something that you realized just recently yourself. That although according to your agreement you’d have had every opportunity and right to meet or date other men, you didn’t. You simply weren’t interested in anyone else, because he was completely enough for you. He takes good care of your physical needs; he is smart, handsome and has a sense of humor that just cannot be competed with. The long and short of it, he’s a decent guy you could imagine more with, if you weren’t so disappointed in your previous affairs or relationships. This was too good with Ashton to ruin it. You needed him in your life. But it looks like you are not enough. Again...

You haven’t seen him in a week cuz they started working in the studio on their upcoming material, so much you know. You missed him, which was already a warning sign for you about your possibly changing feelings, but for this particular reason you wanted to give him even more space than he already has based on your very open and sex oriented relationship. No calls, no texts, no requests for impromptu meetings. You lost all your concentration skills for the rest of the day and you thank god that you have a pretty silent afternoon in the office. Your mind had been clouded with questions like ‘why’ and ‘what can that girl give him that you can’t’? Thoughts and images of your encounters torture you that also can’t give you reassuring answers to your constantly popping up questions.

When you close your eyes you hear yourself chanting his name after your second or third orgasm he gave you…; you hear him praising God while you suck him off; you hear him whispering ‘how much I love fucking your tight little pussy’ in your ear while you’re on all fours in front of him; and you just love him doing exactly that. God, how much you love his dirty mouth, sometimes you think you could just get off simply by hearing him talking dirty, because he’s that good with his words… Sex works perfectly between you two and you understand each other on the little things you share with the other. The unanswered questions riled you up so much that a thought has planted itself in your mind. You’ll show him. If this is the last thing you two will do, you’ll show him what he’ll miss and beg back.

You drove home and picked out your sexiest short mini dress with a very nice cleavage that does justice to your breasts he loves oh so much. ‘They are wonderful, my angel’ Ash’s words echoes in your mind as the image of his lips closing on your hardened nipples runs in front of your mind’s eye. To the picture in your head a familiar ache would start to build in your core but your anger and desperation is stronger now. So the dress is on, lingerie is not… You spray on from his favorite perfume and get in your car again to drive a good twenty minutes to the studio they use and he showed you once.

It’s kinda late now when you arrive, you assume they are about to finish their day and it turns out you’re not wrong as you bump into the other three guys in front of a door that has a red flashing RECORDING sign above. Three very surprised pairs of eyes looked you up and down.

“Hey guys… Is Ashton here?” your eyes have scanned the hallway behind the three men.

“Sweetie, fans are not allowed here. How did you…?” a scruffy faced blond guy questioned you, who you know for a fact is called Michael.

“Oh, I’m not a fan,” you interrupt Mikey immediately, “I mean, I like your music, you are great and all, but I’m really just here to see Ash” you tried to remain as calm as possible seeing their confusion getting bigger.

You’re not surprised the slightest bit that they have no idea who you are. But you’ve been doing this for almost four months now and they are not suspecting anything? Now that amazes you. Ash is very clever at keeping things private, except when it comes to breakfast dates with pretty blond girls. This tiny fact just adds to your growing inner fury.

“Guys, are we gonna leave...” the door has opened and Ash’s words stuck in his throat the second he saw you standing in the hallway with his bandmates.

You can see the surprise in his eyes as he’s still taking your sight in, but you’re not the only one, the other three looked at him and then each other, possibly considering calling the security on you, but fortunately Ash could sense this and with finally opening his mouth he prevented further unwanted complications.

“Y/N…” at least those three worried eyes could see he knows your name, so probably you’re not a random stranger from the street.

“Can we talk?” your voice remained soft, but your eyes mirrored sadness and impatience and he could read that that second.

“It’s okay guys. See ya tomorrow.”

After a ‘Tomorrow’ a ‘See ya’ and a suspicious ‘I’ll call you later’ from each of them, they left you two there not taking the trouble to say a single word to you. If you weren’t in this stormy state of mind you’d let yourself be moved over the fact how cute is that these young adult men are worried about their brother.

The door has been closed behind you and you turned back to turn the lock shut making sure no one can disturb your rendezvous. You walked towards him without saying a word, your eyes refused to leave his, and you saw he probably would have liked to say or rather ask something but his eyes wandered on you - exactly the effect you wanted to go for with that dress.

Tiptoeing you cupped his cheeks in your hands and captured his lips with yours in a feverish manner, and his in response jump automatically onto your hips. Your hands don’t spend too much time on his face as they slide down his chest and reaching between you, you start to unbuckle his belt.

Ashton pulls away just enough to ask ‘What is going on’, which comes out rather breathy, and your hands halts for a second on his zipper while you answer a quick ‘I need you’ back to cut your conversation short, and seeing the desperation in your eyes he decides not to force it for now, just give himself in to whatever you’re about to do – which he has an idea for as your hand slide in his boxer and your warm palm wraps around his still limp member to free it.

No matter how worked up or angry you are, in its weird twisted way what you were about to do turned you on and holding his soft cock in your hand figuratively made your mouth water. You dropped yourself on your knees in front of him and pushed him in your mouth immediately, you wanted to enjoy his softness and that this way he still fits fully and perfectly in, which will change as soon as you’ll start sucking him, so you wanted to lengthen and luxuriate these moments a bit. Especially as this is probably your last opportunity to do this to him, to hear those beautiful and breathy moans. Because if your suspicion proves to be true, no matter what you agreed on at the beginning of your “relationship”, you have changed your mind, and don’t want to share him with anyone. Then that’s it for you, you’re ready to walk away.

You started with slow movements, just suck him in and pull him out as your lips brushing against his shaft until he hardened enough; then you let your tongue play along his velvety skin leaving open mouth kisses on his shaft while palming his balls for the better and quicker effect. When his tip started releasing his pre cum, you happily smeared it on his tip with the circular motions of your tongue while looking straight in his eyes receiving the same admiration and lust you’ve seen every single time you did this to him. The only difference had been that his hands are resting on the mixing desk grabbing onto its edge instead of being buried in your hair guiding your movements and praising your lips wrapping so perfectly around his cock. He really is a clever guy, and respects that for now you are in control, he most likely sees that you are in need of it, and he’ll do whatever you give permission for.

You made this blowjob sloppy for him to slick him up enough and reaching the desired condition you pulled him off of your mouth and standing up quickly you pushed him by his chest until he bumped the couch with the back of his legs and dropped down onto it. You straddled him but before lowering yourself on him he asked something for the first time during your studio invasion.

“Can I touch you?” his voice surprisingly insecure as his hands rested on your bare knees.

You looked him in the eye and just nodded, although for a quick moment you played with the thought of saying no just out of some sort of punishment.

His hands slithered up on your thighs; one reaching and grabbing your round butt, the other one slid between your legs to palm your pussy just to find out you have no panties on. A smirk appeared in the corner of his mouth but didn’t comment on the surprise, just stroked his fingers along your already wet lips making you even wetter as his fingertips circled your entrance. None of you saw what he was doing as the skirt part of your dress has covered both your lower half and his hands, and this just doubled your excitement feeling how skillful he is. By now he more or less knows your own body as well as you do.

Holding onto his shoulders you leaned your forehead against his as he expertly pushed two fingers inside you, starting fingering you slowly. His motions were sensual and you whined and writhed on his hand already regretting that you let him do this to you making you just more aroused, aching for feeling something bigger inside.  

You felt yourself close to cum on his fingers and that reminded you why you are here in the first place. A part of you wanted to go on to chase that first orgasm, but another part of you wanted to fuel your anger that feeds upon your betrayed heart, even if you’re perfectly aware that it’s not Ashton’s fault, he just grabbed the opportunity your agreement provided for him.

Reaching down you got hold of his hand and without explaining yourself, slowly pushed it away while your other hand let go of his shoulder as you slightly rose on your knees to reach behind you and take his cock in your hand, pump it a few times and finally position him right under your entrance. As you slowly and carefully sat yourself back on him, the incomparable feeling of his shaft stretching you engulfed you making you throw your head back with a half-suffocated whine torn out of your throat. He slipped his hands under your dress to grab onto your butt and a low ‘Fuck’ left his mouth when he felt how deep he is inside you as you went all the way down to make him bottom out.

“The way you take me…” escaped his lips and you just bit on your lower lip as you weren’t exactly in a chatty mood, but his compliments and praises always appealed to you.

Your hands found their support on the back of his biceps as you started fucking him with a quick and harsh zest, grinding your hips on his for getting the most friction you can just have. You were bouncing up and down on his cock and he watched your clothed breasts precisely follow the intensity of your movements, your hard nipples darting out the fabric of the dress, sweat fallen down your spine. You could see in the way he looked at your heaving chest that he’s fighting the urge to touch your tits, to get them out of the cruel imprisonment of your dress.

However your own completion wasn’t priority in this current situation yet you got closer and closer to it and listening to Ash’s groans and the way he was taking breath, he was close too and his voice always added to your own pleasure, it could singlehandedly push you over that particular edge. As your moans got louder and more frequent, your arms wrapped around his neck, your temple pushed against his, and you gave yourself in to the feeling; his hands on your butt and his own moans in your ear encouraged you to let go. As your walls started to squeeze around his thick cock, your climax washed over you; closing your eyes, one of your hands slid down to the side of his neck as your lips brushed against his ear. In that moment his fingertips pushed into the soft flesh of your butt, his lips captured your earlobe, teeth slightly scratching the skin as he released his cum inside of you followed by a faint groan.

Your hips slowed down to a full stop and you two spent a few moments in silence to catch your breaths, foreheads touching and only your heavy breathing could be heard in the soundproof room. You rose just enough to pull him out and sat back on his lap.

“Now would you tell me what this was really about?” his index finger reached under your chin to gently tilt your head in order for your eyes to meet his gaze.

“Do you… erm... Are you seeing someone? I mean besides me” you don’t know what he could hear out of your voice but it sounded sad and ashamed even for you.

“No” came the surprised but firm and peremptory response immediately.

“Ash… I know I have absolutely no right…”

“No, I’m not lying to you. I’m not seeing anyone.”

“Then who was that girl you had breakfast with at the Breakfast House this morning?” you left a few seconds time for him to react but he was just staring at you like someone who had been caught, so you continued. “By the way, she’s beautiful, really. And I know I have absolutely no ground to even ask this from you since we agreed on no rules. But… Fuck it, it’s all the same now. A few weeks ago I started just realizing that I think of you more often. I’ve been out and saw something and my first thought was that ‘Ash would like this’. I tried to coerce these thoughts because you and I both hurt enough, but I had to admit, at least to myself, that I want you. I want more of you… not just the sex” you shyly played with the bottom of his t-shirt, but as you looked back up at him, you could see his lips slowly forming into a smile.

“Are you jealous?”

“Maybe I am, yes” your eyes poured out lightnings seeing that reckless and smug smile spreading on his face.

“You know, you’re not wrong. She’s really beautiful, indeed. She grew out to be a gorgeous woman,” his smile just grew bigger as he saw your puzzled expression. “But she’s my sister, Y/N.”

“Lauren Rose?”

“She’s here to visit some friends, and it turned out I could be grateful that she found a few hours in her strict schedule to meet his older brother at all” he chuckled.

“I’m an idiot” you leaned your forehead against his collarbone.

“No you’re not” he reached for your hand and intertwined your fingers. This is the very first time you two did this. And weirdly it feels incredibly intimate now. “Actually… I have no idea how much longer I could have waited to confess the same feelings to you… feelings I also carried for weeks now.”

“Why- why didn’t you say anything?” you asked in awe as your thumb drew soft circles on his hand.

“You seemed so persistent on the no relationship thing that I thought if I bring this up, I’ll lose you. And that was the last thing I wanted to risk…” hearing this confession your hand reached out to caress his face and you leaned in to kiss him gently. “I didn’t want to lose this… whatever we have. What do we have, Y/N?”

“Each other, I guess” you smile at him. “So… can we give this… us a chance?

“I’d like it very much. And you know what else I’d like? To take you out on a date. A real date.”

“I’d be very much into that. After changing into something drier. And cleaner…” hearing that he kisses into your neck smiling.

“Are you free tonight?” he grinned.

“I don’t know… I’ll ask my boyfriend. He’s a famous rockstar, you know…” you cupped his face in your hands and immersed in a gentle kiss that meant a new beginning for both of you.

[imagine-fight-write]

RANDOM - Banana Fish Review, Vol. 1, Part Four

(This was one of my fav gifs looking for gifs of Shorter.)

*There will be pictures/gifs included tomorrow, because this is already late & loading them is taking forever, for some reason.

Haha, no, I actually prettied it up 1/5/21. Yes, I’m glorious.

No I’m actually Dio DIO in this situation, who am I kidding.

(This transition from Caesar to Dio fascinates me, by the way.) (The GIF.)

The JOJO reference is because I’ve finally finished Diamond is Unbreakable! It was fun! I enjoyed it a lot! Ready for the next part!

But back to Banana Fish.

Hope you enjoy this!

So my plans failed again. Who is surprised? (Not me.)

I apologize profusely for the gaping void of Banana Fish-ness left since last I posted.

No really. I now have an alarm set for every Wednesday.

Let’s see how this goes. News Update: Maybe next time.

Also, my internet is still blitzy & rotten, otherwise I would’ve posted this yesterday (the 15th).

Now on to the in-depth, delighted gushing - er, review, of Banana Fish!

*Also, this is part 4, and 4 is a special number for me. Because of this guy:

And I can spell his name correctly!!! (It’s Ulquiorra, from Bleach, my 1st anime fan gushing love.)

Yes, I’m strange. Moving on.

So, brief recap, since I’m not sure anyone has read Part 3, given how terrifyingly long it is. If you missed it, here’s the link:

https://imagine-fight-write.tumblr.com/post/632014616404344832/random-banana-fish-review-vol-1-part-3-my

Please love & like it & repost to the rest of the Web. I worked tremendously hard on it.

Yes it’s long, but oh, it was delightful! There was snark! Delicious food! Wine! Fabulous mustaches! Mysteries! I gushed so much!

(And snarled at the wonton waste of good breakfast food, which I will not forget & always condemn.)

*I mean, I know people who will throw up if they have breakfast in the morning. But it’s important to eat so you have energy to do things & feel good.

And Dino took a perfectly beautiful breakfast & essentially wasted it for no good reason. I was so mad.

We meet Dino Golzine, a.k.a., Ash’s worst nemesis /enemy (note, I can’t spell nemesis) and major reason for why his life sucks.

(Although society doesn’t help either. Though the police try. They really do. Except what’s his face who’s complete scum & thoughtless, but we won’t meet him til Vol. 2. Plus I don’t think he has a name?)

But yes, Dino Golzine. All around awful person, and not safe around children (or anyone, really.) He’s low-key in this scene, mostly using verbal assaults (to great effect) but just you wait. There’s a reason he’s a mob boss.

Ash snarks, to great effect, but he’s no match. Dino has all the cards and all the dice (cards & dice being metaphors for power, & how he involves awful, painful memories of Ash’s past & tries to manipulate & order him around. Brrr.)

But Ash rallies, and ultimately refuses returning to be Dino’s heir / toy.

We meet Shorter! Huzzah!

(End of recap.)

It’s clear right away Shorter & Ash are old friends. They exchange quips about Marvin. We learn Marvin holds a mean grudge, so savvy readers can guess it’ll come to play later (it does.)

Shorter’s last line is strange.

“Just don’t put me in the position of having to kill you.”

Which is kinda out of the blue. I don’t know what to make of it. It doesn’t spoil or fore-shadow anything (unless in a very confused, round-about way) because that never happens later. So I’m confused.

Ash laughs it off and goes zooming off on his motor-bike / motorcycle (not sure which).

Note, from this short scene we already learn Shorter has his own sources of information - he knows Ash went to Dino’s, fast enough to be there before their conversation ended (unless he was just lucky to be there already  - why was he there?). He already knows about Ash’s talk with Marvin, with enough detail to warn Ash about Marvin’s temper & that Marvin likes him, which is a bad combination.

Shorter is smart & cares about his friends, warning Ash about Marvin. 

Aren’t friends great?

Especially after meeting such a dominating if soft spoken monster like Dino?

The answer is yes.

Next, we get this hilariously great shot of Ash running up the steps to his dingy apartment (pg. 47.)

 It’s reminiscent for me of a scene in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Part 1, when Jonathan & Dino have their epic fight in the Joestar mansion.

There’s a part where Jonathan does this epic flip up to a second floor via sword (it’s epic) & it ends with this a few-seconds-longer-than it-needs-to-be shot of his butt. You can’t miss it. I’m usually oblivious to such things & I noticed it. I laugh every single time.

Anyway, back to Banana Fish.

(The atmosphere of grunginess (it’s not a word, I meant dirty, ugly, rough) & spartan furniture is great. Just look at those walls. I adore it. 

(But would never want to live there.) Ash is clearly not rich & after Dino’s rich mansion, this is a stark contrast.

Also, there are no pictures or posters on the walls (which are festooned with dirt and cracks instead.) In fact, there’s almost nothing in terms of personal effects at all.

This baffles me. I mean yes, I assume they’re all dirt poor, living in a gang & working for the mafia on the side isn’t something you do for the luxuries. But surely they’d have something.

Or maybe it has something to do with Japanese decorating aesthetics? Meaning, Japanese appear to be more spartan than Americans in terms of decor (see the book, In Praise of Shadows, for example.) 

* I can’t spell aesthetics. Why do I even use that word?

The apartment just looks extremely bare compared to others I’ve seen in movies depicting this era. Is what I’m saying.

Look at those bare walls. (It hurts me.)

Thoughts? Comments on how Japanese, Americans, and Europeans differ in basic decorating styles? Comment below!

Also remember as always, Banana Fish is both set & was written in the 1980’s, well before the “modern” style we have now.

Unless - wait. There is something very important to Ash which he’s clearly hiding in the apartment he goes to, which I assume only Skip & select members know about.

So maybe this isn’t actually Ash’s main base, where he sleeps & hangs out?

Yes, that must be it.

If you’re confused, I’ll explain once we get done with this section.

Moving on.

We meet Skip!!!! (Pg.47)

Black characters (and Latino) are still, alas, extremely rare in manga, anime, & other media, so all the cheers for including Skip so early & as such an important character.

Because Skip is very important. For multiple reasons. More on that later. Also note, 1 of the gang members Ash busts earlier is also black.

Again, the dialogue is great here between Ash & Skip, establishing Ash’s trust in him. Which is no small thing.

Skip is like Shorter, (agh, both their names start with S) sweet, but also has a nose for news.

Arthur’s going to get it, hah!

There’s yet another reference to it being early.

Though there’s no specific time mentioned . . . Nope, not since Ash found the poor, dying banana fish dude.

Does Ash usually sleep in? Is he a night owl? He was wandering around at 1 in the morning last night, after all.

*Yes, technically it was early morning, but it was still dark, so bite me.

But then, he was also suspicious & keeping tabs on his 2 gang members. So, who knows.

But I’m going to guess he’s a night owl.

Ash sits on the bed, and after Skip mentions everything is good, “him, too”.

 Ash gives his 1st real, genuine smile. Gentle, relieved, no hard edges. Just pure happiness & relief. It’s sweet.

(Also, I just realized the “him, too” is supposed to be a surprise / shock for the reader & I spoiled it earlier. I do apologize.)

Skip offers to get coffee but Ash declines, deciding to nap, which reminds me:

Actually, drinking coffee before you take a nap can, for some people, actually make you sleep better.

Also, short cat naps (15-30mins) can boost your energy and mood.

Naps are good for you!

I almost wondered if the comics Skip had on the table might’ve been manga, but remembered it was the 1980’s and, far as I know, manga wasn’t big the U.S. yet. Alas!

Which is funny if you think about this being in a manga.

Skip goes to leave. Ash puts his hand in his pocket and gets this intense, almost fierce expression on his face (middle panel, pg. 48).

I was absolutely baffled by this reaction for a long time, but finally figured it out. Ash’s reaction is supposed to be baffling, because what he realizes right here will be revealed in the next few pages.

Skip, concerned, asks what’s up, but Ash brushes him off and sends him off to buy coffee. (After which I sincerely hope he takes a nap, because he needs one, he’s been up all night.) Sleep is good for you!

Skip is able to buy coffee with a single coin. A single coin.

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

All my tears, and curses on inflation and overpriced coffee! And Starbucks!

Anyway, we learn Arthur’s going to get it (and Skip is the best spy ever) and the scene cuts to:

Our favorite person (not) Dino Golzine, tending his orchids.

I like this. It’s a rather unique hobby for a villian. I assume to give him a refined, elegant, and exact air.

He’s interrupted by Angie & his fabulous mustache (snickers) and this delightfully comic scientist person (who might be important later? The face sameness makes it difficult to judge, & I’m too lazy to consult my other volumes, which are not close by.)

But his entrance is priceless (pg. 50). I mean seriously, please go find it if you haven’t already. It’s dramatic, with a big WHAM! & he looks so cartoonish. 

I love it.

Dino tells him, essentially, “don’t disturb my orchids” and me being an non-gardner person, I wonder: is it actually true loud noises can disturb flowers?

Comment below!

Anyway, Dino quickly establishes yes, he did send Ash’s gang members to kill the poor banana fish guy who started this whole mystery, and yes, it was important.

There’s a great panel (pg. 51) of scientist dude, drawn much less comedic, the whole panel black except for a white aura around him sweating and clearly in distress.

He whispers, “It - it’s gone.”

Dino snaps to attention with a leonine look, exactly like a cat who has just spotted another cat. It’s easily my favorite picture of Dino so far, very striking.

The dialogue is brilliant and snappy, short and direct.

“What is gone? . . . You’re positive? . . . Just a small amount.”

And we get the grand reveal:

Ash, taking out a bullet shaped capsule (was the shape intentional by Yoshida?). A capsule he’d clearly taken from the dying banana fish guy. There’s a great panel on the bottom of pg. 52 of Ash’s questioning expression and a ?

He unscrews the capsule and pulls out a tiny vial.

Thinks of the address the dying banana fish guy gave him.

Ash goes into the next room, where we see the silhouette of someone sitting with a plaid blanket draped across their knees.

He expresses his first real look of vulnerability, and gives a wonderful line:

“Go see . . . Banana fish . . . He said it and died. And you say it and you might as well be dead. Who did this to you? Griff . . . Please tell me, big brother.”

Everything clicks together (almost.)

Griff /Griffin is the soldier shown way back in the very beginning. The one who left for a few minutes and came back insane and shot up his squad.

Who’s now a human vegetable.

Banana fish is clearly responsible. Somehow.

And Dino is mixed in with it (of course). Pieces are coming together, but questions still remain.

Until next time!

[thesoulspulse]

Danny Phantom Random Episode Thoughts (Part 2)

Note: Wow, I didn’t expect you guys to like this so much since these are old notes I wrote down while watching the show mostly for story research. I’m glad you do though and I should have enough notes atm for 4 parts of this episode thought thing. That being said, I totally want to go back and rewatch the series from the start again and finish up my little notes. So when I do I’ll probably share more later on! For now though enjoy part 2!

Part 2

Maddie has an older sister named Alisha who lives in Spittoon Arkansas, and given what Jack said about being born in the woods I'm kinda assuming they all grew up together or Jack moved there with his family or vice versa.

The ghost portal was randomly left open while he was cleaning the house to please his parents and he didn't do anything about it til the next day.

The Box Ghost's lair is where items from the real world that get lost end up, that's kinda cool actually.

Walker recognized Danny in human form and ghost form so he had probably already heard all about him from another ghost.

Ghosts don't need to eat but do out of habit to remind them of what it was like when they were alive, it's like a reflex.

Danny encountered Dora in the Ghost Zone but forgot they had already met before, but this was before he found out her name too later on in the series.

Walker's Goons are armed with weapons designed to drain/block ghost powers.

People and objects from the real world can phase through the walls and floors in the Ghost Zone, but they can't turn invisible and can touch things normally otherwise.

Its confirmed that Danny doesn't get an allowance, that's so unfair since he's expected to do most of the household chores whereas his sister isn't as far as I can tell.

Danny, Sam , and Tucker all have electric Scooters.

Danny has a 10pm curfew, which all things considered at least compared to mine growing up is pretty interesting. Especially since that also included being outside or at someone's house during that time meaning he'd have to travel home in the dark since I don't see his parents picking him up from a friend's house.

Jack and Maddie took Danny and Jazz out of school for 4 days to join them during their 20th college reunion. They spent the first night in the RV, the 2nd at Vlad's which is when Danny meets him as Plasmius, the 3rd day was the reunion itself, and they drove home on the 4th day.

Jack wore his jumpsuit in college too which makes me think that his parents were probably scientists of some kind.

Vlad has actual torches and candles in his castle mansion in Wisconsin, guess he wanted to keep some of his castle retro!

When Danny saw Skulker back in his ectoskeleton he was surprised so this must have taken place before the prison episode when Walker locked Danny up with a bunch of his other ghostly enemies.

Sometimes Danny's eyes turn randomly green, and it doesn't seem like its because of his powers bleeding through because sometimes the close up is of his face in ghost form since you can see white hair too even though he's still supposed to be human. Just another animation error.

Vlad originally used mostly green energy to show off his powers and teleport with, not pink.

Jack was aware enough of himself to realize a ghost, aka Plasmius, was possessing him and tried to resist. Most people fall under possession right away.

And that’s it for part 2! Hope you liked it and stay tuned for the rest of my random episode observations! And down below there’s a link to part 1 if you missed it or want to take another look!

Part 1: https://thesoulspulse.tumblr.com/post/615851196776890368/danny-phantom-random-episode-thoughts-part-1

[ecofinisher]

A new partnership - Chap 39

Chapter 39 (Double Update)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109937/chapters/70235631

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13681547/39/A-new-partnership

https://www.wattpad.com/1008293457-a-new-partnership-good-afternoon

The next evening Yi sat in her bedroom in front of her desk doing homework. Beside her under the lamp sat Longg seeing her work, then watched the girl pause to yawn, then Longg got up to walk to the other side of the table to grab a green pear and brought it to the girl.

“Here take a break and eat this,” Longg offered watching Yi nod and accept the fruit.

“Thanks,” Yi responded taking a bite of the fruit, then took out the controller of her TV and turned it on showing an advertisment with Jagged Stone playing on his guitar on the top of an airliner. Yi got up and walked across the apartment passing by the mother which sat on the couch on her laptop, then observed the daughter head to the garden.

“You’re done with your homework?” Questioned the mother.

“I’m just studying mom. Now I’m going to get some fresh air,” Yi noted getting out of the house, then she leaned herself on the wall and looked up to see the dark skyline.

“You know with the time I really enjoy it to be here in Paris. It’s not as big as Shanghai, but it’s quite beautiful,”

“Mostly during the night,” Longg added earning a nod from his holder.

“I haven’t had much time to enjoy Paris’ beauty at night the way I did back in Shanghai,” Longg nodded at Yi’s comment, then heard a laughter and looked up to see the superhero Onyx jump at the building, where Yi is from and noticed the girl on the outside and jumped down at the grass landing in front of the girl.

“Good evening,” Onyx greeted approaching girl, which smiled seeing the cat miraculous holder visiting her.

“Wasn’t expecting to have a visit right now,” Yi mentioned watching Onyx put his baton back, then leaned on the wall next to her. “What are you doing here?”

“I was taking a stroll through the city to get some air and thought on checking out, if you were here,” Answered the raven-haired hero. “You’re alone?”

“My mom is in there,” Yi answered. “So I wouldn’t do anything, that would make her think you’re Jin or anything worse,”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be careful,” Onyx mentioned. “In case she gets here, I just say I’m visiting random citizens for…..professional reasons,”

“I wonder what kind of excuse that it,”

“Don’t worry she won’t do anything unless she catches me doing this,” Onyx pointed out followed by pecking the girl on her cheek making her wide her eyes.

“Hey! I’m serious Jin, she could…...ugh see? I already said your civilian by mistake,” Yi complained crossing her arms.

“Okay, probably I should pass by later or…..,”

“No, you can stay here with no problem, we just…...have to be careful,” Yi mentioned making Onyx nod, then Yi looked into the living room to see her mother getting up heading into the bathroom closing the door behind her. “My mom just got into the bathroom. Do you want something to drink or to eat?” Offered Yi making Onyx shrug his shoulders.

“It’s not necessary, I’m good. Just finished dinner about 20 minutes ago,”

“Okay, what do you want to do then?” Onyx asked watching Yi sit down on the grass, then Onyx sat beside her and looked at the girl observing the dark sky.

“I don’t know. I just came here to get some fresh air,” Explained Yi making Onyx nod. “I was studying before for History,”

“You’ve got an exam tomorrow?” Questioned the hero making Yi shake her head.

“No, but next Friday,”

“Good luck then, I have next week Algebra,” Onyx mentioned. “I began with studying 15 to 20 minutes per day to make it through with it at the same time we’re dealing with Hawk Moth’s akumas. “Then we’ve got French and Philosophy,”

“How are you going to handle all these three exams?” Questioned Yi making Onyx shrug his shoulders.

“Well, I will mostly focus on Algebra and Philosophy. French, I’ll do it a few days before. It’s just about the conjugation in the past, the present, or the future. It’s fine for now,”

“If this superhero thing will take a long while I better start to practice in holding the grades good until I get up to a newer grade. I really wonder how the other heroes deal with this,”

“I think so far, they’re all younger than I am. Ladybug told me on the times I was new to the team, that she was 15 and she has to deal with all these pressure of being a superhero and dealing with private life issues almost all on her own,”

“Maybe she doesn’t have anyone in her life, that she can talk about both sides of her life,”

“You know she got to feel better with the time, cause I offered her to talk with me and I tried to give her any helpful solution. ‘Til now, she has been feeling better about it,”

“You did well then. It did the same to me as you or Marinette’s friends talked to me because of my father. Also thanks to these akuma situations I got to see my father in the afterlife. I think better it couldn’t have been for me,” Yi explained. “It’s amazing how a simple conversation can make you feel better in some moments,”

“Yes it really does,” Onyx added, then he heard a female voice and got up to glance at the window to see his mother’s friend get closer to the exit of the garden. “It’s your mother looking for you,” Onyx mentioned watching Yi get up to see, where she was going afterward the mother stepped out making Yi fake a smile.

“Hey mom,” Yi greeted, then looked at Onyx, which copied Yi’s facial expression and waved at the adult.

“Good evening,” Onyx greeted the adult. “Don’t worry, I’m just…...strolling around looking for potential danger. So far everything is good here,”

“Funny, I thought I had heard Jin’s voice out here,” Chynna mentioned making Onyx fake a laughter.

“No, actually it’s just me and this young lady here,” Onyx lied earning a nod from the adult. “If you excuse me, I will have to go. Have a nice evening you two, “ Onyx wished saluting at the two Asian descendant women, then he jumped at the top of the fence and used his baton to jump up at the top of the building.

“Was he really patrolling around?” Yi’s mother asked making Yi shrug her shoulders.

“He wasn’t really long here, mom,” Yi said making the mother nod. “I’m going back into my room,”

“Okay, but hey don’t you want to watch TV with me?” Suggested the mother entering into the living room with the daughter, then Yi looked at the turned-off screen and nodded.

“Sure, I’m sorry if I have been so absent lately,” Yi responded sitting down on the couch along with the mother, which turned on the TV showing a parody of a musketeer jump around trying to escape bullets. “If you want you can change the channel,”

“It’s okay for me, I just want to be spending time with my little girl,” Chynna mentioned watching Yi lean her head on her mother’s shoulder, afterward the woman placed her arm around the girl to pet her.

At the hospital, Nathaniel lied in his bed while Nino sat on a chair in front of the boy texting on his phone while chatting with the redhead.

“You know yesterday was a little an unlucky day for many of us. Luka just did that because Ladybug needed someone to help her and Onyx out until Hydra came. In anyways your mother and Alya would have found it strange if we would just take your miraculous off or anything right in a situation like this,”

“I still don’t feel like telling my mom all of this with the akumas. I believe Ladybug also wants to be present during the talk to help me out. How else can I alone explain why I got the snake miraculous. For some reason Ladybug picked me. It either was fate, fear, or just a lucky shot. I never expected to have the chance of becoming a superhero and I did take the chance,”

“If I may ask dude, why exactly did you accept the miraculous?” Questioned Nino. “Did you just do that, because you always wanted to be a hero?”

“Yeah…..and sort of I had a crush on Ladybug since the day she saved me on my birthday and I hoped to be able to impress her. In the end, it didn’t work out in any way as she was hitting on Onyx instead, afterward, she stopped and prefers to be single for the moment or just focus on her task,”

“And you still stood after that?”

“Yeah what else should I have done?” Questioned Nathaniel. “I don’t know why I am looking for a relationship,”

“There are other girls worth your attention, don’t worry,” Nino assured. “That person could even be closer to you than you think. Did I ever think about Alya being the future girlfriend of mine? Nope,”

“I guess not,”

“Why did Ladybug pick you to help her? Uh I mean why did you accept it?”

“On that day Alya got kidnapped by her older sister, which was akumatized into a spider-like supervillain. I was trying to get her back to prove her older sister I could take care of us and I think Ladybug valued my bravery and gave me the miraculous to help her out. Fighting Anansi was hard, but it wouldn’t take the same cake as fighting Jake Scene. It got annoying with the times he showed up outta nowhere and his soundtrack began to play. It made no sense, there were no radios, no stereos or anything to play the music, dude!”

“I know, it was a weird day,”

“You weren’t present dude?”

“No, you could hear the soundtrack everywhere. I could hear it in the panic room too,”

“Okay, that was weird,” Confessed Nino which looked at his phone vibrating to see posting a message in the superhero chat.

“Next morning a meet up on the top of the Trocadero. Topic: Absence of Super Snake. Super Snake, I will pass by you tomorrow at some point in the day. Be ready to expect me,

“It’s for your Super Snake side,” Nino warned earning a nod from the redhead.

“I check it out later, my phone is charging right now,” Nathaniel advised. “I’m curious to know what the future plans of her are at the moment without my absence,”

“Same or what Hawk Moth will do next. If it gets worse it will be hard for them to deal with the akumas like yesterday with Lila and Marc,”

“Yes….by the way, didn’t they say, they would come with you?”

“Lila’s mom had the idea to arrange a bodyguard for her thinking that would solve the situation and Marc didn’t want to come alone,”

“Okay, that’s odd. We weren’t alone here. He would have us or at least me,”

“You know Marc sort of has…..trust issues,”

“Oh…...I thought we were good friends and that we could trust each other,”

“It’s not that, it’s more…..you know he has a crush on a certain somebody and he’s afraid this specific person doesn’t reciprocate the feelings,”

“He does?” Nathaniel asked curious earning a nod from Nino.

“Yeah,”

“That explains a lot,” Nathaniel said. “His stammering, his behavior around us in the break..... He has fallen in love with Lila!”

“Yes dude, finally!” Nino shouted jumping up in the air, then he widened his eyes, then looked down at Nathaniel. “Wait…..Lila?” “Of course! This is also maybe why he was interested in the first place to have her befriend us. He was curious to know her and now that we got closer he has fallen in love with her,”

“Oh boy,” Nino said doing a facepalm at Nathaniel’s comment. “I’m losing my patience,”

“Give them some time. Now that I’m here, they have a bigger chance in getting to know each other more than with me around. Please help him out, when it is necessary,”

“You’re killing me, dude. Look I have to go, I was supposed to get my mother lemons before the stores close,”

“Okay, then see you tomorrow or….?”

“We’ll see about that. Rest well, brother,” Nino wished patting him on his shoulder, then made his way out of the hospital leaving Nathaniel back, which looked out of the windows to see in the far the superhero Onyx pass over the buildings heading to the champs de mars, then the boy pulled the covers up to take some rest.

[thrushpot]

punch-drunk love

Billy Hargrove x fem reader

“dUDE drunken confessions are my favorite trope!!!! I can so imagine a post-starcourt billy au with a reader who maybe was his friend beforehand but they never really acted on their feelings. the reader gets a phone call at like 2am and billy's just like "listen,,remember all those hours we spent in detention with mr kaminsky? I would do it all again if it meant just sitting beside you because sometimes I look at you and I just see goddamn gold. are you sure you're literally not the sun??" requested by anonymous.

word count: 2,454

warning(s): swearing, drinking

a/n: HECK YEAH MAN I wrote this shit up in like two hours, and I’d even be open to continuing it to like a part two if anyone wanted. drunk Billy in fics is always angsty and mean, but I wanted him goofy and soft!! thank you for adding cute ideas to the drunk call trope <3

—

Billy huffs as he clumsily grabs the next bottle and unscrews the lid with his teeth, spitting it out on the ground carelessly and taking a good chug. It quit burning his throat as it went down a while ago, and now he just feels the weight on his shoulders finally give out. His body wiggles as he tries to stand up from the couch he’d been surfing the whole night, and he gives a lighthearted chuckle to himself at the pleasant buzz flowing. It’s getting to that point of his binge drinking where mistakes are going to be made. He has a persistent urge to break the rules, to do something he’s never had the courage of doing sober.

After no thinking at all, because who the fuck needs a brain when you’ve got booze, he picks up the phone and dials a number he’s sure as shit hasn’t forgotten and will never forget. A smirk plays on Billy’s face, a cocky, shit-eating grin that spreads like he’s the goddamn Grinch and even shows the whites of his teeth while twirling the telephone wire similar to a schoolgirl calling their crush. It rings for about thirty seconds, until he’s hung up on and directed to voicemail.

“Fuck! Don’t be a fuckin’ drag, Y/N. C’mon,” he whines as he kicks the cabinet by his knees, then hangs up and spins the rotary dial to yours again. He licks his upper lip deviously and takes a sip from the bottle he had opened, and waits for your sweet voice on the line again. All hope is lost when there is no answer once more, so he just curses and nearly chucks the phone out of desperation. Billy also thinks of leaving another voicemail this time around except more lengthy and demanding, something to grab your attention and make you talk to him again. That’s all he wants, after all. It’s been months since he’d even seen your pretty face sitting in the desks sideways, and he regrets not kissing the smile you always wore when he had you right there in front of him in detention every week.

Before getting to know you he’d settle for trying to make you laugh in the bleak silence of Mr. Kaminsky’s classroom, attempting to balance a spoon on his nose or throwing paper airplanes your way. Billy figured you were just laughing at his antics out of politeness but didn’t care to actually speak to him, that is until you threw a crumbled piece of paper at him one sunny day in regular boring shitsville of Kaminsky’s. It took him by surprise, considering it flew right to his face while he was zoning out, and he reacted by flailing in embarrassment before exclaiming a defensive “WHAT THE HELL?”. It was the most unique companionship the boy had ever had that followed after your laughing and pointing a finger at him. He had to give it to you, it was pretty funny. When he recovered from your attack, he shook his head with a small grin as he unwrapped your note, reading “heads up” in that adorable sloppy handwriting.

After that, the rest is pretty much history. Billy was hooked to goofing around with you more often, and you both always made it a point to get in trouble just to spend time together in detention. Considering this wasn’t hard at all for the blonde boy, getting into fights with guys or taunting the girls, even falling asleep mid-lecture, detention was another place to call home. You, however, chose how and when you got caught.

Billy never really did gather up the courage to say what he was thinking about day or night, how pretty he thinks you truly are and that you don’t even know it, which makes it that much more special. Not to mention the countless numbers he’d done howling with laughter at a comment you made, feeling like he just got a workout after laughing so much. He never got to tell you that those moments are all he’d look forward to day in and day out. That if his dad smacked him around if he misbehaved the slightest bit at home, or if teachers were ruthless and judgemental in every class, then he could take all that. He could take the whooping and the ass beatings and the name calling, if it meant he got to spend two hours fucking around in detention staring at you. A place where nothing is supposed to happen, and no one interesting usually attends.

Billy’s made progress gulping half his bottle, now picking at a protein bar from the kitchen, trying and failing to open the impossible wrapper. He almost decided on just eating the whole damn thing, fuck the wrapper, until the obnoxious blaring of the telephone rings. He’s quick to react, as drunk as he is, and tosses the snack he planned to scarf down before tripping to get to the phone. He picks up and holds it to his ear.

“Hello?”

There it is, that voice again.

“Heeeey. Hey there, little miss thing. It’s Billy Boy,” he draws out each word, trying to sound suave even if he hiccuped a little when he greeted you. Copying the same movements he did when he first tried ringing you up, he tangled the wire between his fingers and stared at the table dreamily, imagining you in your comfy clothes. Smiling and cozy.

“Woah, uh, hey Billy. It’s been a little while, what’re you up to calling this late?” you inquire over the phone, and he pictures you rubbing your eyes before stretching and yawning and he just wishes so bad that he got to see that madness.

“Mm, no no no. I’m curious about what you’re doin’,” he replies suggestively, smacking his tongue in his mouth.

“What? I’m sleeping, dude. I’m all for this reuniting thing, but could’ya please just have waited ‘til morning like a normal human being?” you say, growing a little frustrated at the randomness of the call and his ambiguous intentions.

“No Y/N! It’s top secret stuff, believe me. Fucking important that I call you now, at,” he bends over backwards to check the clock that glows on the microwave, “two fifteen in the morning. We never just talk like we used to, y’know since we graduated and all,” Billy complains like a petulant child, not hiding it in his voice that he’s pouting.

There’s a second of silence, and he slurs out your name to see if you rudely hung up on him again, until you speak.

“Are you calling me drunk?”

“Nuh-uh, silly goose. I never said that you were drunk,” he snorts, having to regain his balance after getting too excited and almost falling over with the phone still tucked in his right shoulder. He hears a long sigh being let out on the other end.

“Oh for fucks sake—“

“You always get so mad when you’re cute, d’you know that? Wait. I mean, fuck, lemme try that again,” the boy squints and puts his fingers on his temple to try to focus. “You’re really hot when you’re mad. There. Nailed it,” he finishes.

“Oh my gosh, you poor thing. Dude, you’re shit faced,” you crack up. “This is gonna be even funnier in a few hours. Not for you, I mean, you’ll probably have a killer hangover, but I for one am enjoying this.”

“Oh yeah? You like it, don’tcha cutie pie?”

“Sure do. Tell me more, Casanova.”

“Mmm yeah, I’ll tell you more. Right after you tell me what you’re wearing,” he chews on his lip, thinking that this is all going perfectly to plan. You double take, then decide to play along just for shits and giggles.

“Okay, you asked for it. I have my old Hawkins High gym t-shirt on, and some Spider-Man sweats on too. Oh, also some slippers, because the floor is cold,” you finish, hoping he’s satisfied.

“Noooo, c’mon. Fuckin’ lame-o. I wanna know what’s underneath,” he whines after not getting the kind of answer he wanted to get. Getting horny was always a given when he had a couple drinks, but what with having absolutely no filter and you right there on the phone, he’s getting irresistibly antsy. Wishing you were right next to him, so he could claw at your clothes and whisper his dirty thoughts into your neck.

“Fat chance there, hot-shot. What was it you were saying before? Oh yeah, about how I’m awesome and beautiful. Wanna keep goin’?”

“Ugh. Fine. If y’like lame sweet talk, then listen up, sweet cheeks. Remember all those long hours in Kaminsky’s? That old man would bitch at me for breathing, and like, existing. So, like the fuckin’ moron he is and the fuckin’ nuisance I am, I would get assigned to be there every day. I coulda ditched lots of times, just sneak through the window if he turned his bald head around or somethin’. But I never did. ‘Cuzza you. In fact, I’d do it all over again. Wanna know why?”

Billy’s now crashed into the nearest chair by the island in the kitchen, staring up at the ceiling and itching his crotch like the drunken mess of a boy he is. The clock on the microwave now glows the numbers 2:28 AM.

You’ve been stunned to silence, not quite knowing whether to laugh anymore or take what he’s saying truthfully or with a grain of salt. They always say that after someone’s had a few, that those are the times they spout about what’s really on their mind all the time.

“I-I don’t know about this, Billy.”

“Nope! Try again,” he giggles, putting the phone in a comfy spot nestled by his ear as his clumsy hands struggle to unbutton his shirt more for better comfort.

“...Cause of, cause of me?” you peep, unsure of yourself.

“Ding ding ding! Give the pretty girl a prize!” he claps his hands when they’ve fully undone the confines of his t-shirt, then laying back and sinking impossible further into the chair. He reaches for the bottle that has yet to be finished, and licks his lips as he realizes how thirsty he is for more.

“Billy don’t — stop it. Stop drinking, I can hear you. You’ve had enough,” you calmly advise, growing more nervous at the heavy weight this whole conversation has thrown at you. Since when did Billy feel this way?

“Aww, takin’ care a me. Such a sweetheart,” he marvels, blushing but keeping the bottle in his grasp. “You wanna know somethin’ else?”

“No, I don’t think I do. Not until we can discuss this when you haven’t been drinking.”

Billy chooses to ignore that and goes on.

“I’d just — when I looked at you, in detention, where we were like a thousand percent of the time together, I just. Can’t help but see goddamn gold. You’re the goddamn sun, you know that? I’m talking to the sun right now,” Billy suddenly wants to be held and nurtured, feeling tears well up in his eyes and his nose begin running funny. He doesn’t feel so good anymore.

Things are quiet on your end. Billy doesn’t know what your silence means, but it doesn’t seem too good.

“Y/N? When you looked at me, d-did you ever like, feel the same way? Look at me like that? Like I’m the sun?” he asks, desperate for your validation and then sniffled as the tears now started running down his cheeks in waves. He’s a hot mess.

“Billy... you never talked to me outside of detention. Like I didn’t exist, or I wasn’t cool enough to hang out anywhere else. I never knew...” you trailed off, trying to fight off your own tears and the overwhelming feeling his confession had given you.

“Y-You were so cool, I woulda hung out with you more if I wasn’t such a fucking bastard, or such a goddamn coward. But I miss you, and I wanna kiss you everywhere and I wish you could hold me all th’time,” his self pitying erupts to sobs as he finally lets go of the bottle that he clutched between his hands. It rolls into the floor, thankfully not breaking on the way down, but the contents begin leaking out onto the rug. Billy has yet to notice, still fumbling over his words and thoughts. He regrets getting this blasted now.

“Billy?”

“Hmm?” he mumbles, still not quite over himself as he hugs his bare chest, shirt still remaining open.

“Of course I looked at you like were the sun. Anybody who didn’t, like Kaminsky, or your fake asshole friends, they all don’t matter, okay? Please let me know if you’re hurting. Have you been home alone drinking?”

“Yeah, I have. And, and’ya really actually mean it? That stuff you said?”

“I would never lie to you. I’m really tired, and I’m so sorry for doing this to you, but I have to get back to bed,” you say, reluctantance in your tone as you sigh prettily in his ear once more.

“I’m gonna, I’m sleepy too. Real sleepy. Talk soon?” Billy asks, sounding about as hopeful as a child on Christmas Eve.

“Yeah. I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?”

“Mmmkay. G’bye, pretty girl.”

You let out a breathy laugh at that, then say your farewell, advising him to drink a glass of water and take an Advil before hanging up. The blonde drunk is absolutely exhausted, the whirlwind of emotions that you and the alcohol had put him through had knocked the boy right out. He face plants into the cushions of the couch for a minute, getting close to sleep until a sudden twinge in his gut pulls him up awake. He then makes a run for the bathroom, slipping on the spilled booze on the floor from earlier, and barely makes it in time. He pukes up all the drinks he had for a good five minutes, heaving sickly into the bowl and helplessly clawing at the toilet seat for a better grasp.

Once he’s sure that he has nothing left in his stomach to give, he sits up and scoots to the wall for support, wiping his mouth and hissing in disgust at the bitter taste it left. He gets comfortable even in an odd position, sitting up with his back against the wall right next to the toilet, and decides that this is where he’ll sleep for tonight. As Billy yearns for a much needed deep drunk sleep, he mumbles to himself under his breath about Y/N and her smile and the sun.

—

edit: there will be a sequel, writings in progress ! do not panic I swear this isn’t supposed to end bleak and depressing, I just wanted to show Billy being a hot mess. at first I kinda thought oooh this ending’s fine, if ppl want a sequel ig ill do it, but after reading it over myself I kinda went “the fuck?? this boy deserves to be happy” so I'm gonna do it. if anyone wants a tag as usual, just let me know ! & thank you for the sweet comments and reblogging, I can't be more thankful:)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Reimeiroku Saito Final Chapter

have i ever mentioned how i’m a masochist when it comes to this stuff? like, i will freely admit how i actually don’t like translating and doing more unnecessary work, but I when I do something for myself, I tend to want a certain degree of quality.... which is why i decided i’d do some video editing for this... a decision that I really regret now though i can say that it’s something that i know hate more than photoshop lol. 

after i finished my yuugiroku 2 vid, i figured i might as well try to install Visual Novel Reader to see if that could offer me better visual and audio quality for this... but before I finished installing it, I went and checked what videos were available that I could use for assets and found a video made through vnr had about the same audio quality as to ppsspp... along with videos from someone other psp emulated version of this... which i then clipped for audio. 

between visual and audio quality... i’ll pick audio any day so after deciding that i’d be using some of the less grainy audio i found along with my ppsspp footage... i set to work trying to layer the tracks.... but since the audio didn’t match the visuals’ timing, I had to manually cut pieces of my screencap video up so that it matched the audio timing, while also making sure that the visuals looked like they were still continuous (damn  circle icon which wouldn’t go away and caused problems)... on top of which, i had to deal with removing a number of random black screens that would just flash on screen for less than a second when i ran reimeiroku through the ppsspp emulator.... then i also had to find the song that plays towards the ending of this cuz the audio i had cut before the end of my screencap vid which was also a pain because i couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere on youtube so i had to go find the game rip audio (thankfully i have a site for that. also in the game, that song doesn’t naturally fade out and i manually added in that effect cuz i felt like it and thought it was better than the audio just cutting off) so i could put that in and align it so that track matched the audio timing for the vita audio track.... and then i also had to do something about the interval where i had to increase and decrease volume since the end kept sounding off no matter what i did....tho i kinda think the video still sounds off in 2 places.

once i got all the damn visuals and text properly lined up, i gave up on having to deal with the the stupid circle icon in that was originally in the bottom right hand corner since i got pissed enough seeing it and cuz it was no longer continuously in motion so I decided to remove it entirely along with the auto-play icon (at this point im on about version 10 of the video).

then, to cover up the right side of the video, i figured that’d i’d just stuck up an image over top of that section.... but after several tries i gave up on that since every damn picture i imported regardless if that was a screenshot of the game or a screen capture of the video from the editing software itself, nothing would match the colour of the text box for some infuriating reason... which ultimately led to me redoing everything so i didn’t have the stupid text box then stringing together clips between those stupid bouncing icons to erase the damn thing entirely though i thankfully didn’t worry about the auto-play icon the second time around....

however, doing that in itself posed a whole new problem since what i could effectively clip was less than >0.5 seconds each time to create cropped video layers that would hide that stupid icon, and my comp reaaaaaallllly started to issues when i did more of this and when i copied and pasted too many of those millisecond clips together... it got to the point where i was waiting 15 minutes for about 4 seconds of copied hide-the-damn-icon-video-clips (or about 8 hours for 40 seconds worth)... which pretty much crippled my computer..... 

this resulted in me having insane amounts of segments that looked entirely like this^, which occurred whenever there was an icon to hide... or text shake for some reason.... which caused me to create +20 openshot files for editing...(btw this is 138 tiny clips over the span of 6 seconds)

in the end, over the course of a fucking month, which i can honestly say that me finishing this for today was a complete coincidence (i barely managed to finish Warframe’s Scarlet Spear event cuz of how bad this was lol), i lost count of many versions of this video I made sometime after I reached version #32, openshot crashed on me at least 15 times (gave up counting that too), and my laptop crashed twice.... 

after i finally finished my video, i thankfully didn’t spend that long on subtitles but it took me far longer than i’d have liked to get the damn positioning right since potplayer is annoying when it comes to single lines and i had to guess and check the positioning almost every other time for some strange reason whenever i had a single line... which was never a problem when i had 2 or 3 lines of text... but editing was a slight hassle cuz i wanted the text used to be as accurate as possible... and i checked 3 reimeiroku tls of this chapter and the JP mtl of a bunch of sentences just to be sure. 

anyway, thanks to doing all of this unnecessary torture, i am absolutely never going to ever be repeating this experience ever again even if someone pays me because video editing is a serous pain in the ass and I hate it more than photoshop (also why the hell does ppsspp have so many issues with reimeiroku when compared to yuugiroku 2)!!!

also, learned my lesson and didn’t write this post this after staying awake til an ungodly hour lol. my attention to basic grammar plummets like a rock if i stay up past 4 am.... so i decided to write out all my grievances beforehand.... and put my video for this at the very bottom cuz im terrible like that and want everyone who sees this to deal with a massive wall of text xD! suffer! suffer as i have dammit lol!

enjoy the fruits of my damn labour! i’ve passed the point of caring if there are errors in this so keep anything you notice to yourself!! goddammit i noticed something wrong that i couldn’t ignore... namely the chapter name and my credit.... fixed that now.

on a final note, it’ll probably be more than a year before I touch Reimeiroku again because of my commitment to what I am able to translate for SSL so don’t ask lol.... 

[aubrey-plaza]

I've seen a lot of fic rec lists lately given everything happening. Do you have any recommendations to get us through the lock down? p.s. I love everything you write.

omg thanks anon!!

I know these are scary times so have here a quick and dirty list of my fave fics starting with Staubrey and then just... veering offcourse. They’re all femslash except the one I marked with an asterisk but yeah. 

as always, I’m not gonna rec my own fics on my this list bc that’s cheating but if you wanna read them pls click this link and that ends the self promo for today lmao

 recs under the cut!

Stacie x Aubrey

Snowbound  

by ACamp_toner / @stepintotherevolve​ (22.171, complete, rated E)

summary: The Bellas go on a ski trip and Staubrey happens

notes: this has amazing smut and features just enough jealousy to spark these two idiots into a meaningful talk. there’s also side bechloe and a healthy dose of humour.  

The Howl

by @tiny-maus-boots​ (30.739, wip/currently being written, AU)

summary: Stacie's pack is forcing her into a corner but Fate has other plans for her - if she doesn't die first.

notes: werewolf!Stacie and vampire!Aubrey who meet on a full moon and fuck. there’s more to it and a great backstory that’s being wonderfully developed (trust me, I’ve been told of the plans and I’m ri-ve-ted). also has some amazing soft moments and a fab spark of heat.  

Prelude in Lydian Mode

by knappster / @ss-staubrey​ (5972, complete)

summary: Remember tonight... for it is the beginning of always.

notes: I will rec this fic til the day I die. It’s such a lovely brand of staubrey and a perfect example of the idiots to lovers trope.  

and the songbirds are singing (like they know the score)

by angelranger (2326, complete)

summary: It came as a slight surprise to Stacie that Aubrey, the same Aubrey who had grown up in a strict and dysfunctional household, was just so good with her daughter.

Bella seemed to unearth a side of Aubrey that was just so unbelievably soft, a side Stacie is almost positive even Aubrey didn’t know existed. But there she is, sat on the carpeted floor in front of the coffee table, sat right next to Bella, drawing outlines for the four year old to colour in.

notes: oh god i love a good, soft bella fic and this one hits all the right notes. it’s sweet and lovely and features singing Bella to sleep which is like. my weakness. go leave some more love on this deserved fic!

Sansa x Margaery

The Crackpots and These Women

by Netgirl_y2k (8089, complete, WEST WING AU)

summary: "You're in charge of press relations," Yara told Margaery, gesturing to Sansa. "Relate.”

summary: yeah you read that fuckin right that’s a West Wing AU. My love for this mashup has no bounds. It’s so perfectly coy, the way I imagine adult Sansa and Margaery would be, combined with the hopeful tinge of WW, and the pining of a somewhat open ended yet hopeful finish. If you like either of these universes, read this.  

Kind Regards

by MsCFH / @hell-much (9835, complete, explicit, part of a series!)

summary: Margaery Tyrell is determined on setting foot in the Northern market of Westeros by establishing a collaboration between the Tyrell Corporation and Stark Incorporated.

The only problem? The likewise gorgeous and stubborn Deputy Managing Director Sansa Stark.

summary: holy hell this fic is amazing. they hate each other SO MUCH. the author has a vibe setting skill that makes me want to weep. the smut is off the charts hot like there are literally no words. go read it and then read the series bc it’s *that good*. please go get your church lady fan before reading because you WILL need it.  

EXTRA NOTE: same author is writing a post-s6 canon compliant fic where Marg is actually still alive and if you’re looking for a full weekend activity, go ahead and binge this one (it’s a wip but is still being updated)

lay all your love on me

by 1once (9498, complete, show-compliant)

summary: It has been eight years since her demise.

But for the world of her, she cannot figure out why. For what? Why was she alive?

notes: i will say just one thing: flower. magic. okay, i’ll say more things. this fic is the redemption show!marg deserved combined with the fun supernatural magicky aspect of flower magic that’s just so in character. reading this fic feels the way a warm cup of tea in your hands on a cold winter’s day does.  

til you come back home

by heart_nouveau (7978, complete, AU - modern setting)

summary: “Using one-night stands to distract myself from my crush on my roommate counts, right?”

-

Margaery Tyrell is an ambitious law student who needs a perfect grade point average if she wants to stay at the top of her class - and she is not going to throw that away by falling for her very attractive, very sweet roommate, one Sansa Stark.

notes: margaery is a moron with feelings aka my favourite type of character.  

Birds of Prey’s Dinah x Helena

Siren Call

by ThanksForListening (3300, complete, part 2 of a series) 

summary: "It always happened in the quiet moments. The early hours of the morning, when the leftover energy from a mission hadn’t quite disappeared yet. The sleepless nights, when memories clawed their way into her mind and wouldn’t let go until her screams released them. The lazy afternoons, when the radio played softly and melodies she’d almost forgotten danced around her lips. It was only when the world went still that Dinah felt her watching.

She didn’t remember the first time she noticed it. The staring. Maybe it was because Helena was always watching everything and everyone around them that Dinah didn’t realize how frequently that attention fell on her. How it felt different. Helena looked at the world with suspicion and anger and indifference, but not her. She looked at her with something much softer, something she hadn’t found a name for just yet. No word in her arsenal was deep enough or strong enough to describe it.

Whatever it was, she could feel it now.”

notes: gahhhhh this fic. “What do you see,” she finally asked, “when you look at me?” is a line that I’m gonna think about until the day I die. this is the second fic in a series and you can read it as a standalone but the first fic is also fuckin amazing

after the afterparty

by novoaa1 (1181, complete, set right after the movie ends)

summary: The Canary had let loose a delighted snort at that, as if she found the whole thing somehow laughable.

(Which it wasn’t, to be clear—laughable, that is.)

“Are y'all seeing this shit?” she’d turned to ask the rest of them, earning a giddy squeal from Harley and a bemused scoff from Montoya even whilst Helena remained stock still in place, dutifully blinding herself with one hand. “Absolutely adorable.”

“Shut up,” Helena had hissed back more out of instinct than anything else, though her tone was markedly devoid of any real anger.

(And if Helena had felt her cheeks flush ever so slightly beneath her palm at the Canary’s glib assertion, she certainly didn’t let on.)

Or: Sionis falls. The rest of them remain.

notes: just. read it.  

knew your love (before i kissed you)

by z0ejake / @zxyjxy (58.263, wip / currently being written, rated E for the last chapter)

summary: Surviving the massacre of your entire family at the age of eight is a pretty impressive feat. Training for fifteen years in Sicily until you can kill a man with one hand and a hairpin is also a pretty impressive feat. Returning to the city where your family was cut down and killing every single person involved in their deaths is maybe the most impressive feat. Somehow, it's never been enough for Helena.

notes: bro this fic is a masterpiece and zoe is a genius. features absolute moron feral dumb jock helena and my favourite version of dinah: patient and endeared and a little teasing.  

the war is over (and we are beginning)

by ace_verity (12.573, 5/5, complete)

summary: The thing is, Helena has no idea what comes after.

The past fifteen years, she’s had a singular goal. She's never given any thought to what she’d do once she killed the men who murdered her family in front of her.

Maybe, Helena realizes, she never actually thought she’d make it this far.

—

In which Helena Bertinelli joins a team, buys a cactus, beats up criminals, goes to church, bakes bread, and falls in love.

(Not necessarily in that order.)

notes: this fic is beautiful and perfectly explores a lost Helena. I also love the way Renee is written in this and the whole vibe of the story is just *chefs kiss*

cheap shampoo

by OfElvesAndAliens (1609, complete)

summary: The thing is, Helena is a rigidly focused kind of gal, iron rage forged into skilled precision. Dinah has also noticed it in the little things, like the way she frowns a bit when she's doing something as trivial as writing, her penmanship always neat and firm. That same tiny furrow of her brow is showing up again while she's methodically whisking some eggs in a bowl.

Dinah finds it cute. Fucking sue her.

notes: oh god but i love a bedsharing fic and this one? feeding and post-mission and just winding down together??? ohhhh my god

two extra random goodies just for fun:

Lamplighter

by the_years_between_us (116.915, wip, rated E)

show/ship: The Fall, Stella Gibson/Reed Smith

summary: Stella gets a call from Reed directly following the final episode of The Fall S3.

notes: this is one of only a handful of wips that I’m keeping up with and reading constantly. It’s written like goddamn poetry and I love an older ship with more baggage, because the emotions here run so much higher with their shared history and the tentative steps they’re trying to take. Also, given the source material, this is almost cathartic to read.  

Nothing to Lose*

by tielan (8013, complete, rated E)

fandom/ship: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Maria Hill/Steve Rogers

summary: “It’s one of the traditional rituals of manhood,” Natasha observes as they’re sparring. “Kill a man, fuck a woman.”

notes: listen. i know. okay? i know this seems like a crackship. but I love it SO MUCH and this author writes so well that I’ve been fully converted. ~something some of you have told me I do for you~ so go read this fic, and then read the others, and then fall in love and join me in this lonely ship. You won’t regret it.  

I’ll be writing while in isolation so if you have any Dinah/Helena or Stacie/Aubrey prompts, shoot ‘em my way!

and also hit me up for anything, as always. 

peace and love, and stay safe everybody!

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Atomic Monsters

I watched this at least a week ago, but just didn't get around to rewriting my notes into a post 'til now.  I did actually find this the best episode so far, but lets be real, that's such a low bar to clear at this point it says basically nothing.

The opening sequence is really fun!  I found the whole thing genuinely enjoyable, both the action itself and that it included exactly the kind of return cameo I can actually get behind.  No retcons or resurrections that make death somehow even cheaper or ruin the original finish to the character's story!  Not even to mention that, instead of existing just for the sheer fanservice of it?  A sequence like this is actively improved by giving us a familiar face we have investment in to keep it from being all just random unfamiliar cannon fodder getting offed.

Unfortunately, this isn't the rousing endorsement it could be when we know that both expanding to a big action sequence and bringing Benny back for it were actually Jensen's ideas.  Not even to mention that the thing which really works best in the episode?  It's the dream sequence that's not actually connected to anything else and doesn't have to worry about continuity to work. This is my surprised face.

I enjoyed the exchange between Sam and Dean in the kitchen.  The meat man conversation over the bacon was rather silly, but in a fun way. I've seen some people reading things into it (it's insulting Dean doesn't know the slang, Sam is randomly vegetarian now) that I didn't really see there.  I did appreciate how Sam was weirdly jumpy and had trouble meeting Dean's eyes after the creepy alternate world dream.  I thought it worked really well for both slice-of-life and Sam’s reaction.

In terms of the Winchester's case, well, for the most part it could have been worse.  I don't honestly believe even if I hadn't been spoiled that I wouldn't have immediately suspected the parents from their introductory exchange about how Billy playing in the big game was more important than a cheerleader's death.  I think it was supposed to be a retroactive subtle clue, but it was more of a clue-by-four.  So the “mystery” of tracking down the monster was pretty lost on me.  I did like that the one girl having braces was a clue!  But I also thought the scene with her rehearsing her speech on a live mic in an empty auditorium was weird and contrived.  I straight out cannot forgive that a girl was literally abducted from the school campus and NOBODY checked the security footage near her car fucking IMMEDIATELY well before Sam & Dean.  C'mon.  Then, of course, a couple random middle-aged suburbanite humans get the drop on Sam and Dean, because Dabbernatural really just loves to make them incompetent so plots happen.

Then the big reveal and blah blah blah, kid accidentally ate his girlfriend.  WHAT WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO???  Um, maybe try not being scumbags?  Idiotic scumbags at that, abducting a second girl from their son's own school instead of somebody that wouldn't be missed or even, hey, maybe encouraging him to try harder not to eat people.  Don't try to sell me on this pseudo hallmark 'but they just love him so much' bullshit.  At least the kid has more self-awareness and conscience than his fuckwad parents.  

Then we get to the infuriating character assassination part of the programme.  Having Sam and Dean say that they'd do the same thing as the dad for Jack their “son”?  Fuck you very much, show.  I could maybe, maybe, see Sam or Dean kidnapping and draining the life out of an innocent to save the other at their most desperate worst.  Though I think the only time they even really get close to that kind of an actively, knowingly evil choice is with Doc Benton.  Not only do I not buy for a second that they would do that for the totally-really-their-actual-child-for-reasons albatross Dabbernatural has shoehorned into their lives?  Struggling to do the right thing even when it hurts used to actually mean something – it was always a very important qualifier that while Sam or Dean might make that choice, the other would not let them.  So having them both agree this kind of straight up villainy would be a-okay for oh-so-totally-loveable-no-really-woobie-blob Jack ...

Like carelessly assassinating every human in the BMoL headquarters, it fundamentally fails to understand what it is that keeps Sam and Dean from being the monsters.  Hint: it's not just that the show centers around them.  “We do the ugly thing so that people can live happy” - these moronic hacks seem to be actually trying to parallel Sam and Dean saving innocent victims and the world to human monsters that were going to selfishly help their son eat his way through the entire goddamn cheerleading squad.  Am I getting this wrong somehow?  Is there some other, less appalling, reading here that I'm missing? This whole scene honestly made me nauseous.

They talkity-talk on for a while longer, but it's really not much better.  Sam declaring that God was totally done with them was the writers putting those words in his mouth based on nothing.  At it’s very best, it was Sam’s bad habit of convincing himself conclusions he’s come to are true because he wants them to be.  So them both just deciding to believe it's true after Chuck has admitted to orchestrating their entire lives … I'm not sure if we should conclude the Winchesters have brain damage or if that's just the writers.  Especially when the underlying reason for it is nothing more compelling than , “Watch the Winchesters see-saw on the angst fulcrum completely at random!  Yay!”  If this was actually well written, there would be some precipitating reason for Sam to suddenly be the one being all fatalistic while Dean is accepting.  Instead, the writers  just slap some coin-flipped angst angst angst on the page and meander on in a supposedly forward direction.

So then there's the other half of the episode, the Becky storyline. Am I the only one a little disturbed that Becky's first reaction to seeing Chuck was to look scared and try to run away?  Like, they're exes and all, sure, but she doesn't know any of the god stuff yet – I think the only thing she even says about their breakup is that Chuck dumped her.  Is that reaction supposed to be yet another bit of “new canon” showing how Chuck was just that terrible all along? But then she does let him in, so maybe we're just supposed to take it as Becky still having a tendency towards dramatics?  I honestly don't know, but it was weird to me.  

I do genuinely love that they had Becky go to therapy and realize just how absolutely fucked up what she'd done was and ultimately sort herself out to become someone who seems to be a well-balanced adult. A well balanced adult that didn't have to give up being a fan for that!  Seriously, kudos to the writers for this, because 7.08 is such a loathsome episode that otherwise ruins Becky as a character.   Though I do have to nitpick a bit – while I get that they wanted to put SPN merch in Becky's home as a callout to her still being a superfan?   In the show's universe, Chuck's books were never that popular, so I'm having some suspension of disbelief issues that there would be Funkos for them.  We could pretend they were customs, but she's got at least one Impala, so even that doesn't quite work.  I'm not entirely sure who “people only want them sitting around doing laundry anyway” is a dig at, but I'm giving it the side eye.  

I also am not entirely sure what to make of Chuck's whole no one needs me I kinda hate me I'm all lost and don't know what to doooooo shtick.  Is this a game he's playing?  Is he really that wishy-washy? Did some of Dabb's sad internal monologue as showrunner somehow end up in a script by accident?  

He goes on like that and laments he's lost the Winchester's trust and had words with them or whatever, and then he zaps Becky and her family away at the end.  Like, if he cared enough about Becky to care about her opinion, why does he turn on her, too, just like that?  I guess we're supposed to see it as him having found his mojo in her space and vanishing her because taking over her space that's working for him currently is his latest whim.  I suppose they're intending to show Chuck as just being that capricious and flighty, but I don't know that it works for me.  The way they've been writing him he's acting so randomly and impulsively that it's kind of unbelievable he can even sit still at a keyboard long enough to write another Sam and Dean installment.  Again, I definitely find it unbelievable that the Chuck they're giving us now would be capable of playing the long game that he would have had to for him to be actively behind everything.  Until he suddenly got impatient and lazy and popped up in the cemetery at the end of the last finale ... for reasons … and is now just … like that … because.

Not to mention that his powers are, big shock, just as arbitrary as everyone else's in the current show.  He can't actually see what is happening to Sam and Dean because of the bullet sapping his power or whatever, but we're supposed to be worried about the ominous ending he's writing for them because … he's got those god powers to make it happen, I guess?  Uh...

I will grant that the ominous bobbing of Sam and Dean Funkos' heads to Chuck's furious typing was a wonderfully foreboding shot to end on.  

[duchessfics]

“Reunited”

Cordelia x Fem!Reader

Summary: The reader has a vision that Cordelia is injured and goes to help her. As she visits, her past crush on Cordelia begins to re-emerge. 

Word Count: 2501

A/n: Thanks for the likes (notes? I’m new to this whole thing) on my last post. I have been working on this idea for a couple weeks now. Again, I don’t know if it’s the best, but any feedback is appreciated. 

MASTERLIST 

I’m in my apartment pulling clothes out of my dryer when my eyes feel burned. I drop the clothes I’m holding and fall to the ground, crying out and my vision is gone. Then I get a flash of my old roommate Cordelia. Her eyes are burned and her cries echo in my head with my own. Then I see a bar and her mother yelling for an ambulance. My vision comes back, and I run to my bathroom to check on my eyes. I look in the mirror and my eyes look normal. However, the vision makes me shiver and feel on edge. I finish putting the clothes in my dryer and go to my living room.

I look at the clock and see it’s almost one in the morning, but I decide to try to call Cordelia anyways. The phone rings and goes to voicemail. “Um, hi Cordelia. It’s y/n. I know we haven’t talked in a long time, but I just had this horrible vision and wanted to check up on you. Um ok bye.” I hang up and make some chamomile tea to calm my nerves. Then I try to get some sleep.

My alarm goes off and I groan at the sound. I blink the light out of my eyes and get ready for work. Then I head out to a local diner to serve lunch and dinner. The shift goes by without anything too exciting which is fine by me. I check my phone, but there’s no response. So, I head home and do some cleaning jobs. While cleaning I hear my phone ring and see it’s Cordelia. “Hello?” I answer. “Hi,” she says in a shaky voice. “I heard your message. Something bad did happen…I was attacked and blinded last night.” I sit on my couch and my heart sinks. “I’m so sorry.” I tell her. Then I ask, “Are you somewhere safe?” “Yes.” She says and tells me she is in the hospital. I bite my lip before asking, “Do you, I mean would you want a visitor?” she pauses before saying, “I already have had my mother and Hank here. But tomorrow I should be discharged. Then I will be at our old school. Maybe you could visit then?” I reply, “Of course.” Then she thanks me for calling and we hang up.

The next day I wake up early and serve breakfast and lunch at the diner before heading to my old school. On the way a thought comes into my head, but it isn’t my own. “Chrysanthemums.” Cordelia’s voice whispers in my head. I pull into a nearby store and pick up a pot of orange mums. Then I finish the drive there and park in the driveway. I go around to the front door and knock.

An older woman in a maid’s dress answers, but I don’t recognize her. “I’m here to visit Cordelia. I’m an old friend.” I say. She looks me over and drawls, “Follow me.” I do so, looking around as we walk and remembering my time here. However, as I am filled with memories, I notice how quiet it is. We get to a bedroom door and she lets me in, announcing my presence.

The room is simple, but feminine. Cordelia sits on a small antique couch and turns toward us, revealing her burnt face and marble-looking eyes. “Did you bring chrysanthemums?” she asks. I step over to her and let her smell and feel them. “Yes. I know how much you love plants and I heard your voice say this flower.” Her lips tremble and she says, “Thank you.” My brows furrow at how emotional she is, and I just tell her, “You’re welcome.”

Cordelia dismisses the maid and I set the flowers on a nearby table. Then I turn and ask, “Is something wrong?” She swipes away a tear and says, “It’s been a rough day.” Trying to straighten her voice. I bite my lip, unsure then decide to say, “You can tell me about it.” Then I go to sit by her, and she flinches at the feeling. I stop and blurt out, “Oh sorry.” “It’s not you.” She quickly responds. “I just…when I touch someone, I see what they see.” Then she moves towards the arm of the couch. I sit down and make sure I don’t touch her. “Are you upset because you saw something?” I ask, knowing how difficult that can be. She nods and bites her lip.

“When I touched Hank, do you remember him?” I tell her yes and she continues, “I saw he was with a woman, a red head. He…He had an affair with someone.” She goes silent, but her fingers twitch. “Then Fiona touched me, and I saw- “she stops, her voice catching. She takes a shuddering breath and continues, “I saw Myrtle burned at the stake.” My eyes widen in shock and I ask, “What for?” She looks down and says, “Fiona told me that she was the one who blinded me.”

My mind reels and it makes no sense to me knowing how close they were. I want to give her a hug or squeeze her hand in reassurance, but I know better. So, I tell her, “I’m so sorry, Cordelia.” She sniffs and says, “Thanks.” We both stay quiet and I try to think of something to cheer her up. Then I think of the one place that always made her happy-the greenhouse. I ask her “Would it help to spend some time outside of this room? Maybe in the greenhouse?” She lifts her head and says, “Actually, yes that would be nice.” So, we both stand up and walk down to the greenhouse. I make sure to avoid touching her and pull out a stool for her.

She sits and inhales the earthy scent and it looks like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. “Better?” I ask. “Yes.” She says and runs her hand along the counter. Then she stops and asks, “I’ve been the center of attention. What about you? How have you been?” I shrug my shoulders and say, “I’m doing fine. I’ve got a decent job and a place to rest my head.” Then she asks, “Is there anyone else in the picture?” I let out a small laugh and say, “Oh no. Being able to see everyone’s thoughts at random moments…it just makes things complicated.” She replies, “Yes, I can understand that now.” I look around and ask, “Is there anything you were needing to do with your plants?” She pauses and it looks like she scans the room. “Well there were some plants that I wanted to transfer to larger pots.” She says. I stand and say, “If you describe them to me, I can pick them out.” So, for a couple hours Cordelia works, and I help her out when she needs it. As we continue, she needs less help and it builds up her confidence.

After the sun sets Cordelia goes in to wash her hands and I clean the counter where she was working. Then we both head to the kitchen and I make a simple dinner of chicken noodle soup. As we eat, I say, “It’s very quiet around here.” Cordelia tells me, “There were four girls, but now there are three.” I eat some of my soup and say, “Oh.” She explains why there are less witches, but there is also the constant, silent threat of witch hunters.

We both finish the soup and I wash the dishes, the maid nowhere in sight. As I do so, Cordelia asks, “Does it feel weird to be back here?” I smile and respond, “Kind of. It’s a nice weird though. Like coming home or something.” She is quiet for a couple moments then says, “I’m glad you came over.” I look back at her and say, “I’m glad I could come.” I finish with the dishes and see that it is dark out. When we get to the entryway, I say, “I should probably get going.” Her face looks shadowed, but she straightens up. “Thank you again for coming over.” She says. “You’re welcome.” I say and watch her go up the stairs. Her shoulders only sag slightly, but I notice. I go out the door and head to my car. But a vision of a man with an axe attacking Cordelia stops me. I see the man kill her with his axe and that is enough for me to run back in the house and up to her room.

I come up to the door and hear a male voice, but it’s not Hank. “Goddamned witches. They ended me right here in this very room.” I turn the door knob slowly and crack the door open as he continues. “And for years after, the parties, and the music, and the dancing raged wild outside while I sat trapped inside these four walls.” I see Cordelia pinned between a painting and her bed. She is only wearing a bra and slip, and I have never seen her so scared. The man turns to face me, and the door slams shut making her gasp.

“It’s me, Delia.” I say before he lifts and throws me against the wall without touching me. I fall to the ground with a groan. “Now last night,” he continues while I gasp for air. “this sweet, young witch comes along and offers me my release.” My heart drops and I try to be silent as I ease up from the ground. “And I said, ‘Oh yes ma’am. Yes please. What do you need?’ She asks her favor and I provide.”

I peek up from where I landed to see her still pinned against the wall. He comes closer to her and growls, “The thing is, when the time comes for her to ante up, bitch lies. Leaving me betwixt, between, and ready to pop.” I watch as Cordelia gasps and says, “You died.” “Uh-huh.” Then she says, “And now you’re trapped.” “Right here, with you.” He says then looks to me, “and you.” I stand up and say, “The only way we can help you is if you let us out.”

“No.” he growls. “Nobody leaves this room.” Then he begins to head towards me, and I feel afraid. “You see, I had a contract. Promises were made.” He stops looking between us and licks his lips. “And all you’ve got to do is sing and dance and call the witches who owe me my freedom.” He smiles, a dark glint in his eye and swings the axe back and forth. “I’ll provide the music.” He says and lifts his axe headed towards Cordelia. I yell, “No!” and run towards him.

I barely hold the axe back and she ducks out of the way screaming. He shakes me off and swings the axe down towards me. I scramble out of the way and Cordelia screams as jazz music begins to play. “This don’t end ‘til I get out.” He snarls and turns towards a whimpering Cordelia. “Delia!” I scream just before he raises his axe. He smashes the table with the marigolds making her scream. She trips over her table and lands by her couch. Then she tries to grab the axe. “Get those witches and release me now!” he yells. “Go to hell.” She spits back. He forces her grip off the axe and raises it. “Ladies first.” I charge into him and he misses her.

His attention turns back to me and he says, “Now dance!” before charging at me with his axe lifted. I back up and trip over a broken piece of one of the tables, falling to the ground. He laughs as I am looking up at him, then he’s gone. Cordelia is sobbing under her desk and a I crawl to her. I take her hand and she screams. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s just me.” I soothe. The door bursts open, making her scream again and three girls come in. One kneels and lets Cordelia touch her face. “Are you girls okay?” I ask, knowing Cordelia is too distraught. They nod and I tell them that she should be fine by tomorrow. So, they leave the room, shutting the door.

By now I have let go of Cordelia’s hand, realizing my mistake. “Are you ok?” I ask. She tries taking deep breaths and says, “I will be.” I give her a moment to calm herself down. She looks in my direction and says, “Let me touch you.” I am taken aback but let her take my hand. She gasps and my heart sinks. “W-what do you see?” I ask. She’s quiet for a moment then says, “You…like me?” My face falls forward in shame and I say, “I-I didn’t want to tell you. I’m sorry.” She has stopped trembling and the tears have stopped. She bites her lip and says in a softer tone, “Let me touch your face.”

I take her hand and place it on my right cheek. Her soft hand cups it and her thumb strokes my cheekbone. She lifts her other hand and comes closer, doing the same to my left cheek. I hold my breath, trying to keep calm. Her fingers brush my eyelashes and gently run over my eyelids, making me shiver. Then she runs her fingers from my forehead down to my jawline. Her thumb runs over my chapped lips and my whole-body burns. “Y/n?” she murmurs. “Yes?” I squeak out. “You don’t need to be ashamed.” She says then uses her hands to draw my face closer before kissing me.

My eyes widen and I let out a small squeak as she lingers. Then she backs up and licks her lips. I sit there in shock and don’t even know what to say. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” She murmurs and cups my cheeks again. “Um…” I begin and smile “That was amazing.” She smiles. “But you’re married.” I begin and she puts her finger on my lips silencing me. “I see it all now. How shy and scared you were in school because of this. How scared you are now.” She places her forehead on mine and whispers, “You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

My eyes well up and I stutter, “You-you aren’t doing this because…you feel bad for me, right?” She kisses my forehead and says, “I would never do that to you.” Her hands tilt my head up to look at her. “Hey, you are one of the only people in my life who has been there for me. You are so special to me, it just took me some time to realize that.” My heart flutters and I lift my hands to cup her cheeks.

She smiles and murmurs, “Maybe you could…spend the night?” I smile so wide my cheeks hurt. “Yeah. I think I could do that.” And I pull her into a kiss this time.

[rwbyremnants]

WARNING: Underage character (teenage, almost 18).

NOTE: Yeah yeah, I know it’s a little off-season for this one. Sorry! At least it's going to wind up celebrating Christmas In July...?

You may have seen the first chapter of this fic elsewhere, posted there a long time ago out of convenience. This is where it belongs since it’s home to both of the original authors. If you don’t believe us, just message them haha. It's seven chapters of increasingly-smutty goodness, though nowhere near as lengthy or smutty as some of our other stuff.

Special thanks to RuBee for helping us get the full story dusted off (haha) and posted at last!

=Chapter 1

"We're making cookies, not mountains of sugar, Rubes. You're using way too much – and the Ice Queen won't have any left for her coffee!"

It was the weekend before Dustmas, and Ruby and Yang were attempting to make cookies with their dad's old recipe. Soon they would be going back home for the holiday but it seemed like a nice gesture to whip up a batch of their dad’s signature cookie recipe to distribute amongst their friends at Beacon Academy. They had always agreed in the past more sugar was needed, but the amount the red-headed girl was pouring into the mixture was ridiculous.

"Sweeter is always better, Yang!" Ruby protested as she set the bag down, frowning. "And I don't know why Weiss always likes to drink tea anyway, her company makes Ol' King Cold!" Then she wiped her face, smearing more flour across one cheek. "Can you just help me?"

"Alright alright, flour face, here." Grabbing the flour and another egg, Yang quickly poured a little more into the mixture, enough to even it out so it wasn't monstrously sweet, but also so they had some to spare. "Now we can get extra fat!"

At that comment, Ruby frowned down at her stomach before glancing back upward. "B-but I thought you said I wasn't fat, I just had chub-chub!"

"You do have chub-chub…" Yang then poked Ruby's belly, smirking as she looked back up at her. "And now you can have flub-flub! More of you to love! Alright, I think this is ready to go in the oven."

Giggling, Ruby squirmed away from the assailing finger and went back to the mixing bowl. "Are you sure we don't need to add more sugar or something? They are supposed to be sugar cookies. Y'know, for Dustmas."

"That's why we add icing on the top of them, dingus," she called from by the oven, turning it to the right temperature and allowing it to warm up. Of course, with the shared kitchen's cooker being gas rather than electric, that wouldn't take long at all. "You need a hand making the shapes from the dough? Or are you eating it raw?"

"I…" She quickly retracted her hand from the bowl. "Nooo, we're going to cook them. They are cook -ies , after all. Right?"

Her eyes filled with hope that Yang would approve of the joke she had made. The older sister paused for a moment, until smugly grinning. "Not bad, but you got a ways to go until you can make it hap-pun on my level."

Within a few minutes, the girls had placed the cookies on the tray in the various shapes for the Dustmas holidays; the two stars of Vacuo, a snowflake, a Dustmas Bush, and so on. All they needed was twenty minutes in the oven, which by now was to full heat. Just as she was about to place the tray in the oven, however, Yang's scroll vibrated in her pocket, making her place the tray back down so she could check it.

"Hmm…"

"Something wrong, Sis?" Ruby asked as she put the eggs and butter away in the refrigerator.

"Oh shoot! Weiss is gonna kill me…" She quickly shoved it into her pocket. "Sorry Rubes, I gotta dash. Promised Her Royal Frostiness that I'd train with her today, and I've let her down twice already. Gotta give her this raincheck in person or I probably won't survive."

As she was speaking, she started to undo the apron he had worn for the moment, hanging it up the side of the door. Though soon it swung open anyway.

"Oh… sorry, am I interrupting?” Blake asked, amber eyes widening when she saw her two teammates were already there. “I just wanted some milk."

"No, no!" Ruby piped up as she wiped her hands on her pants. The tall, lithe brunette was still something of a mystery to them, but Ruby had always hoped they could get along a bit better, and tried to take every opportunity she could to ingratiate herself. "Have all the milk you want! It does a body good!"

Chuckling, Yang remarked, "Kitty wants milk; I shouldn't be surprised." The two swapped places as Yang began to head out, and Blake headed to the fridge. Before leaving completely, she leaned back in from behind the doorway. "Oh, Ruby – don't start baking them 'til I'm back. You know the stove is finicky, and unlike me, you ain't fire-proof."

Ruby let out a little snicker, waving a hand at her sister. "Oh Yang, I think I can handle a sheet of cookies! What do I look like, some kind of klutz?"

"Just wait for me, okay? I'll be ten minutes, tops. But if I'm longer, call the cops." And with that little impromptu rhyme, she dashed off. All that was left in the room was a small girl with a sheet of cookie dough balls, and a feline Faunus sipping away at her carton of milk.

"Why's she in such a hurry?"

"Late for a date with Weiss." Then she started. "I m-mean, a battle date! Fighting! Umm, practice-fighting, not real fighting! Ergh…" Frowning, she turned back to the oven to open it and place the sheet of cookies inside. "Sorry, nevermind me."

"So training?" Blake asked, hoping to allow Ruby some wiggle room away from her verbal fumbles, leaning back against the counter as she was about to take another sip. Though when Ruby had opened the door to the oven, she remembered Yang's words. "H-hey, shouldn't you wait for her to get back? You know this old stove isn’t like the new electric or Dust-powered models."

"Not you, too!" Ruby pouted. "I can handle myself, I'm a big girl! This is a piece of cake for m-"

The random explosion from the inside of the oven seemed to speak to the contrary. Flailing, Ruby fell back against the floor, waving her arms around trying to put out the small fires that had caught on her sleeves.

"AAAAAAAAH! Help, it's- ow! What happened?!"

The fire wasn’t too bad, one that could easily be smothered, but for Blake this was a far more serious matter. Dropping her milk carton, she rushed to Ruby's side, taking off her scarf to quickly bat the fire on her sleeve, eventually putting it out before it had a chance to do any real damage.

"Ahhhhggghhh," Ruby groaned, staring at her ruined sleeves. "I'm gonna need a new shirt for sure! Yang's gonna kill me, we don't have a lot of money! But thanks, Blake, I really…"

However, when she looked over at Blake, she was in for a surprise. Why did the Faunus girl look so alarmed? Even once the flames were out, the girl still stared down at her team leader. Eyes wider than she had ever seen them, while her breath was short. Clearly, her mind was off somewhere else, as could be seen when her pupils flicked back and forth.

Snapping her fingers in front of Blake's eyes, she said in a softer voice, "Uhh, Remnant to Blake? You in there?"

Once blinking a couple of times, she looked back to her leader, and to her burnt sleeve. She was safe, unharmed. Not even the tiniest burn anywhere on her pale pink skin. The taller girl quickly wrapped her arms around her, cuddling her close. "You're okay, you're okay. Oh thank God, you're okay!"

Instantly, Ruby froze. This was an unexpected turn; how did the normally standoffish member of their team come to be embracing her? Why? Patting along Blake's long hair, she whispered, "Yeah, I'm okay, Blake! Honest! Are you?"

"Am I okay?! You were on fire! I should be asking you, but I… oh, Ruby!" She could only hug her teammate even harder, her hands clutching at her clothing tightly. As she held on, her eyes began to flick back and forth again. Anyone could tell her mind was elsewhere.

However, Ruby wasn’t looking because other things had distracted her. Something in the way Blake had said her name made her blush. On top of that, why was she still hugging her? It felt wonderful, though; something like when Yang held her close, but different in a very subtle way she couldn't quite place. Very hesitantly, she laid her cheek against Blake's shoulder, not sure if this was what she was supposed to do or not.

When feeling the contact from their younger leader's cheek, Blake snapped back to the present again. Or at least, back to reality. Upon realising how close they were, the hands quickly dropped away as she darted back, looking about as shocked as Ruby did. "I… uhh… I'm sorry, I don't know why I…"

"Oh!" Now Ruby looked like a small, frightened animal. "I- wh-why are you sorry, what happened? It was my fault, I wasn't paying enough attention and lit myself on fire!"

"But that was… I…" Before she could even explain herself, the Faunus girl made a dash for the door, running straight down the corridor and around Yang, who had just made her way back. There was no explanation for her sudden disappearance, and so when Yang was back in the room, she was met with a frightened looking Ruby, clouds of dissipating smoke, and cookie dough and milk covering the floor.

"…Did I miss another food fight?"

--------------------------------------------- (wtf tumblr removed the horizontal rule option)

Slow drags of boots heralded Ruby's return to the dorm room. Yes, Yang had shouted at her about nearly burning herself and helped her clean up, and they had finally finished the cookies and they were all ready for Dustmas. Alas, none of that seemed to matter when she was so worried.

Blake had looked terrified. Of what, she had no idea. Of her? Of her being hurt? They were just teammates, not even really friends beyond those bounds. Sure, if Blake were on fire she'd help put it out and ask if she was okay and everything, but that display of affection was above and beyond. It disconcerted her and made her wonder why.

When she pushed open the door, she saw Blake sitting on the windowsill in her usual black kimono, staring out into the sky. The window was shut, otherwise Ruby wouldn't have said anything; there had been enough near-death experiences for one evening.

"B-Blake?"

Blake turned in the direction of the voice. Out of all the people it could have been, this was the worst outcome. Sure, she hadn't fallen out with Ruby, but she felt she had made enough of a fool of herself for one day. Her eyes darted between her, and the door. Could she slip past her? Probably not. Might as well face the music.

“O-oh, hey, Ruby.” She hurriedly rearranged her pyjamas, to more adequately cover herself.

"Blake," Ruby repeated as her eyebrows knitted, "are… you okay? You took off like that, and I-"

"T-took off? Yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" Of course she would question it; her teammate ran away without any explanation. There was no way she could escape, despite getting to her feet and readying to try.

Shrugging, Ruby dropped her eyes. "I dunno, but you seemed freaked out. Y-you don't have to tell me anything, though! Just, if you wanted to tell me, I have ears. Well, I mean I know I have them, and you know I have them, and even though you have twice as many, mine still work!" Squirming, she followed up with, "Is that species-ist? Did I say a bad thing? Oh God, I'm making this way worse, aren't I?"

"Ruby… I…" She scrunched her eyes shut, shaking her head side to side. "I did not freak out, okay? You were on fire! Of course I was worried!"

"No, but you helped put it out! I'm fine! See?" Flapping her arms up and down, she grinned at Blake. "Totally A-okay!"

"I know that now! It was just.. scary… to see you like that, that's all," she insisted, but all the while she continued to gaze back at the door. Any moment…

"But, um, we're Huntresses. Aren't we supposed to be in harm's way all the time, anyway? Why was this such a bigger deal than usual?"

"Because… I… you’re my…" She was stuttering more and more. Ruby was right, this was normal for them. In fact, such an incident was ridiculously minor. But her reaction was more suited to if a Beowulf had torn her arm off.

Unable to think of an excuse, she finally made a run for the door.

"Wait!" Before she could more properly think through her actions, Ruby dove for Blake. Being that her Semblance enabled her to pour on a burst of speed, she was able to catch the taller girl around the midsection and pin her somewhat painfully against the surface of one of their desks.

"O-oh! I- sorry, Blake, that wasn't what I meant to do, I just… panicked! Are you okay?"

Blake was more startled by the younger girl's strength than any pain that came against her back. She attempted to struggle against the grip of the younger girl, but found herself completely pinned. Though she had looked upset before, now she looked near-panic.

"R-Ruby, let, me, go!"

"Sorry!" she whispered again, backing away from the desk with a pained look on her face, again feeling odd at having been in such close contact with the Faunus. "J-just please, don't run away, I… I want to talk this out!"

"There is nothing to talk out!" she insisted, finding herself glaring down at the smaller girl below her. "What was I supposed to do? Let you burn?!"

"NO! No, I'm so thankful, seriously, b-but why are you upset? I don't understand, and I want to, really badly!" There was a hitch in her voice as she added, "Because you're my teammate and I don't like thinking about you being sad, or hurting, or anything!"

It was no use. Her leader was one of the most stubborn people she knew. There was no way she would get out of this without letting her know the truth. "Listen, I just saw your sleeve on fire and it reminded me of a horrible memory. That's all."

Like a puppy, Ruby cocked her head to one side. "It did? I… oh." Shifting from foot to foot, she glanced toward the window, then down at her boots. "Um… do you w-wanna talk about it?"

"No!" Blake snapped, managing to push Ruby back just enough so she was free to move again. "Why do you think I ran off? These are memories I want to leave behind! Memories I would rather forget forever if I could!"

"S-so that's a no?" As Blake's golden eyes blazed with indignation, she waved her hands back and forth and squeaked, "I'm sorry, it was just- look, I'm g-gonna go away now, and not be here where I'm just making a bigger mess, so um, bye!" And with that, she sped from the room, leaving a flurry of rose petals in her wake.

"W-wait! I didn't mean-" But it was no use; Ruby was gone. Once again, another silly mistake had made Blake look like a fool stuck in the past – and worse, made her team leader feel bad when she had no reason to. Heavily sighing, she returned to her spot on the windowsill, staring outward and to the people on the grounds.

Only a few minutes had passed before she saw Ruby stumbling to a halt next to tall, leaning tree and sinking to her knees in the lightly snow-dusted grass. It didn't seem as if she was crying, but she was certainly not doing her absolute best. Within her bow, Blake's ears folded downward. All Ruby wanted to know was if anything was wrong, and she'd shoved it in her face. 'What's the harm?' one part of her mind thought. The other kept shouting, 'She'll tell everyone, you can't let her know! She’ll ask too many questions!'

But there was no other way to fix the mess. And so, reluctantly, she headed for the door.

---------------------------------------------

Out on the grounds, Ruby took deep breaths. The last thing she ever wanted on a daily basis was to inconvenience her friends in any way. Weiss and Yang, she didn't mind so much; they brought it on themselves in certain ways. But Blake? She was one of the last people she wanted to hinder in any small way, much less actually cause her heartache like this.

"I'm a jerk," she whispered to no one.

"No, I'm the jerk." The voice of the raven-haired Faunus reached her ears from the shadows. Having finally found her laying back against one of the trees, she smiled faintly as she stepped into the moonlight, then nodded to the space by Ruby's side. "This seat taken, leader?"

On instinct, Ruby scooted away. "AH! It's- hey, Blake! How ya doin'? Read any good books lately?" Clearly, she was nervous beyond all rational thought, and her fingers clenched in the frigid grass.

Blake paused for a moment. Anyone could tell she was on edge; they didn't have to have Faunus senses for that. Poor Ruby, so young and sensitive. She really was an absolute jerk to her. Head hung in shame, she sat down by her leader's side, looking over to her with a sorrowful expression.

“It’s freezing out here. You shouldn’t be outside too long or you’ll catch a cold.”

“Hah! A cold has to catch me first!” Ruby countered. When Blake only raised an eyebrow, she wilted. “Yeah, that was bad.”

“It was.” After only a breath to consider her words, she went on, "I was wrong to run off like that. You were only trying to help, and I shoved it in your face. And I'm sorry. Really sorry."

"No reason to be sorry. It's my fault; I kept needling you for more info even after I could tell you were freaking out. Why am I so dumb?" Frowning, she drew her knees up against her face and stared down at the little flecks of snow on her boots. "Sorry, I… you're in a bad place and I'm complaining about me. Talk about self-centred!"

"You're not self-centred! You were worried about a friend; that is the opposite of self-centred. And…" She paused, looking back down to the grass herself. With a deep sigh, she confessed, "And rightfully so… I did overreact. Seeing you like that, it just triggered something."

Chewing on her bottom lip for a second, Ruby finally whispered, "Blake, it's okay to be scared sometimes. Just don't forget that the rest of us are your friends. We wanna help you fight the scary stuff, not make fun of you for it or whatever."

Blake looked up at her friend. The one who she had practically pushed away completely when all she wanted to do was help. And she was still helping now. The least she deserved was an explanation for her behaviour.

"It reminded me of the protests that went bad. The ones that turned into riots. A lot of very young Faunus died in those… my friends. I know it was such a small thing but… I think of you as kind of innocent, too, and seeing someone your age like that, I just… couldn't cope."

Without hesitation, Ruby reached over to take Blake's shoulder firmly in her hand. "Hey, it's… understandable. But I'm okay, okay? Nobody burned me to the ground, nobody's dying. Plus, I’m an adult, and can take care of myself. Everything’s completely fine."

"Y-yeah… we are." She looked back to the grass again, but now there was a small smile where a haunted scowl once had been. "Thanks."

"Do you wanna check my arms to make sure?" After she said that, she looked down, a bit shy. "That probably sounds weird, but I mean, that way you can know for sure that I'm fine. Maybe that won't help…"

"N-no no it's… it's actually fine." Although pleased by the gesture, Blake too felt a little bashful. Yang and Weiss had spoken with her slightly more, but she had barely had more than a five-minute conversation with her own leader. Mainly her own fault; after all, the Faunus had always been very distant with people. Ruby included. But that was going to end, and she'd make sure of it.

Besides, how could she ignore someone being so cutely awkward?

"Just… next time your sister says 'no', please listen before I have a heart attack."

"I will, but it's really okay," Ruby laughed, rolling her sleeves all the way up to the shoulders. "Here." Then she took up one of Blake's hands and rested it on her forearm. "Totally not burned or anything at all, check for yourself!"

When her hand was taken, Blake's eyes instantly widened, but when her hand fell to the arm she found herself pleasantly surprised. Ruby's skin was so soft, despite all the battles they had been through and the recent proximity to searing heat. It was rather nice to stroke her skin, which she did so once or twice, but it was even nicer when she placed her fingers by her wrist to feel a heartbeat.

Ruby couldn't help but snicker again. "Yeah, I didn't get, um, heartburn either. Get it?"

At that, she just froze, looking up to Ruby completely silent for a moment. "…No, that was the worst one yet."

Deflating, Ruby patted the hand on her arm. "Yeah. I'm trying, though! One day maybe I can make jokes and they won't be rotten!"

"Maybe you and Yang will have a pun war…" Blake finally drew her hand away from the thin arm of her friend. Thinking back to what she had confessed earlier, she squirmed. "Y-you won't tell anyone I freaked out about the fire, right?"

"Nah. Well, I'll have to figure out something to tell Yang, since she saw the end of it and I wasn't sure what to say… shouldn't be a big deal." Dipping her head down, she gazed back into Blake's eyes to see they were still full of worry. "You sure you're okay now?"

Blake let out a huge, cleansing breath. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just glad you are."

Grinning, Ruby rolled her silvery eyes as she said, "Eh, I'm always fine. Head like a rock and body like a crash test dummy."

"Can't be anymore of a rock-head than your sister. At least you read books sometimes!" she chuckled, before finally getting to her feet again, offering a hand to her friend.

"Yep!" Without hesitation, she took the strong hand and allowed herself to be pulled upright… and found she didn’t feel like letting it go just yet. "Can I say something that might be kinda weird?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really glad you don't hate me." Realising that didn't sound quite right, Ruby swiftly followed up, "Th-that is, after we first met and you wanted me to go away, I was worried about being on a team with you, especially you having to deal with me as leader, and… and I just really thought you were awesome and cool, and wanted you to like me a lot, and maybe that's silly but I'm so happy we're friends now, so… so yay!" Her free hand gave a feeble fist-pump to punctuate her last word.

Blake was stumped. Ruby enjoyed her company? And thought she was cool, nonetheless? Even when they didn't talk much, Ruby looked up to her in a way no one had before. Within the silver eyes of the smaller girl, she saw a past version of herself. Young, happy, full of questions… innocent. She'd fought no end of monsters and people, yet was still so naive to the world. In a way, that was heartbreaking.

Then again, that wouldn't stop her from smiling, drawing her hand away from the younger girl's. Either she was innocent and naive, or maybe she understood things that Blake had yet to grasp. Maybe it didn’t matter.

"I'm sorry I gave you that impression… but you're a good person, Ruby. And an awesome leader. I feel really lucky to be on your team."

Bouncing up and down on her heels, Ruby beamed from ear to ear. Blake had truly delighted her with such simple words. "This calls for a celebration! You, um, you want to eat some of those Dustmas cookies? We can have them with milk!"

"Oh, the milk!" She realized that in her haste, she had in fact dropped the carton on the floor, which had more or less wasted it all. "Do I have to go clean that up?"

"Nah," Ruby laughed, turning to head to the kitchen… but her feet halted a few steps along. "Um… Blake, could I go with you to get some more? Makes more sense than splitting up."

"Sure. Sounds great, actually. Let’s go." Blake locked arms with Ruby, already turning toward the main school gates. There were worse ways to celebrate a holiday.

[runaway-train-works]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVALUATION 2018

I wasn’t officially tagged by anyone but I decided to do it anyways because I’m starting the year right with #selflove2019.

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2018

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 7 (but 4 belong to the same AU so 4 separate stories I guess?)

2. Word count posted for the year: 144,725

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

I Won't Give Up So Come And Get Me

I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This (Ad Au)

You Sent This Hurricane Now It Won’t Go Away (Ad Au)

I Put My Dreams Into You They’ll Grow (Ad Au)

Baby I Need You In A Serious Way (Ad Au)

And Touch Me Like You Never

Better Not Pout, I’m Telling You Why

4. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

5. Pairings:  Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson,

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: I Won’t Give Up So Come And Get Me (581)

Bookmarks: I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This (291)

Comments: Better Not Pout, I’m Telling You Why (45 threads)

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Definitely I Won’t Give Up So Come And Get Me. It’s my first ever fic, and my first attempt at writing anything really (I studied maths in uni and I’ve worked as a manager in hospitality for years, writing is not my thing) so I can’t tell you how scared I was posting it, I was pushing myself way out of my comfort zone by trying something new to me. I must have refreshed the stats/hits screen a billion times but then I got my first kudos and my first comment and I was like, ‘if that's all I get, then I can sleep tonight,’ because at least one person thought it was alright. 

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

My Santa fic. I was rushing to meet the holiday fic fest deadline and I reckon if I had had another week with it, it could have been better, more polished and the writing slicker, I was just so focused on getting the plot down, some of it is a bit scrappy. 

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ohhhh I really don't know. I guess I like the banter from the Ad Au fics, and the lead up to H & L having sex for the first time is probably my favourite, because I don’t think you see scenes like that a lot in smutty fics and I thought it was funny (maybe just me?). 

And don’t ask me why, but I really like the line from And Touch Me Like You Never, ‘Harry wants to tell him that there isn’t for him, that there is only one fish and that’s Louis and that he would swim a fucking ocean for him if Louis asked him to. I think to me it just represents their whole relationship in the fic. 

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Any comments make me happy, but the readers that give you their reasons for liking a fic are the best. My absolute favourite reader/commenter is QuelquesEtoiles (not sure on their Tumblr? I’m shit at knowing who people are if their names aren't the same on both) because their comments are hilarious and I actually go and re-read them when I’m feeling shit because they make me smile that much, especially the play-by-play on ATMLYN. 

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I’ve mentioned this before, but I started a fic based on a lumberjack prompt and then the really good lumberjack one came out and it had very similar themes to what I was attempting to write so I just gave up, that was shitty for me but I'm over it now. Also struggled with the Santa fic because my default setting is to make Louis a sassy little shit that’s only nice to Harry so that was difficult for me haha. 

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Niall in ATMLYN. It wasn't a conscious decision at first to make him Harry’s sounding board, but I think it ended up pacing the story well and would have been too messy to include the other boys. 

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I didn't grow. I was a brand new baby, and I’m going into 2019 as a toddler; I can say a few things and run around like I think I know what I’m doing but I’m still bound to run into stuff and cry a few times while I’m at it.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

I have an idea for a pretty big ABO high school fic which will be kinda slow burn and I might post as a WIP on ao3. Slow burn will be a challenge for me because I want H & L to get together from like the second paragraph most of the time and a WIP will be too, as it will take a lot more planning out and developing the story as people are reading and giving feedback which I think will be an interesting process for me.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I don't really know that many people in the fandom but everyone that has contacted me has been super lovely. Ana (@finck-you-freeky) has been absolutely amazing. We have similar tastes in fics that we read/like and I get her to read all my fics before I post them now because her opinion and notes are invaluable to me. She is also is very supportive when I’m having a bad day and hate every word I have written. I love speaking to people about fics though that aren't my own so it’s good to chat to her about other ones we have read or writers we enjoy.

Also, random shout out, but @blouisparadise have been super nice to me since I started writing, they often include me in their monthly recs and their post for IWGUSCAGM was actually how I found Tumblr in the first place because I found it through google (I’m not a huge social media user), so just want to say thank you to them for the support!

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Uh, the inspiration for IWGUSCAGM is very, very loosely based on my flatmate in uni, but her story isn't as charming so I won’t divulge. 

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Writing for a fandom is a weird thing. You think to yourself about your own works ‘this is so shit, no-one will read this, why am I bothering?’ but at the exact same time you’re like ‘why is no-one reading this? this is brilliant and better than anything anyone else has ever written,’ and I guess I need to try and remember that thats normal for everyone. If you’re writing because you enjoy it, then that will come through in your work and eventually praise will come, even if its not from a lot of people. I’d rather have just one person absolutely love my fic than a hundred people thinks it’s just OK, and I need to remember that when I see fic lists and reblogs that don’t include my name. Having said that, if you had asked me this a week ago I would have said no, I have no wisdom to share, but after several lovely people have included me in their ‘best fics of 2018′ I would say that not worrying about not being ‘shouted about’ is something I’m going to start doing more of (hopefully). I seriously thought no-one knew who I was or cared about anything I wrote because I don't get a lot of acknowledgement on Tumblr, particularly from the big blogs and fic reccers. It made me sad and I just didn’t know what to do about it, but as it turns out, some people were reading my stuff and enjoying it, and you don’t necessarily have to have a hundred reblogs and notifications of your posts for that to happen. 

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Along with the ABO one, I’ve got a couple of short fic fest ones that are ready to post (thats not til february), I’m writing a sort of birthday one which I’ll post on H’s actual birthday. Also have an idea for a boxer harry one which is basically just pwp. Have two musical fic fest ones I’m excited about and that are a bit different.  Also might try a different pairing, maybe a Ziam or a past Zarry? So yeah, lots to work on. Will see what happens. 

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like most people have done this now, but if you haven’t do it!

[werelywrites]

Ribbons

Poly!Turtles x reader

warnings: um...swearing, slight possessiveness, typos/bad grammar

everyone is over 18

Notes: I picture 2014/16 turtles when reading this but feel free to imagine your fav. Enjoy!

Imagine you have a few friends that are investigators/detectives and they always do background checks on any new boyfriends you get to see if they are decent (especially after that time you accidentally started dating a criminal mastermind) so when you started dating the turtles, you decided to keep it a secret from your detective friends so they wouldn’t be discovered. Naturally, this comes with some problems….

“Guys I’m going to be late!” You say in exasperation, trying to shake off Leo’s grip on your arm while heading for the exit of the lair. Raph kept stepping in your way and Leo would. not. let. go.

“I don’t understand why ya gotta go in da first place? Just ditch ‘im” Raph growled as he crossed his arms over his chest. Mikey made a whiny noise in agreeance while Donnie slipped a finger into the belt loop of your dress.

“I went over this ages ago. My coworker is on a matchmaking kick and since I can’t tell her that I’m dating you guys she thinks I’m single and no matter how much I try to convince her not to, she set me up with this blind date anyways! If I don’t go on this date she won’t stop ‘til I ‘at least try’ her words not mine.” Raph opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off, “so that means that I can’t ‘ditch him’ no matter how much I want to.”

The boys expressions soften a little from hearing that last part. But they can’t help it! This is the first ‘fake’ date you were going on since you started dating them. They knew that you would have to keep up appearances as a single woman who ‘never leaves home.’ So they knew that something like this would turn up but actually watching you get ready, looking all cute for some random human guy, made the boys extremely jealous. Hair up, some makeup, and a damn fine outfit. You looked so good it hurt.

You had told them a couple days ago and it was irritating then. It was unbearable now.

They each did all they could to keep you from going all day. Donnie kept insisting he needed help in the lab. When he’d run out of ideas to keep you in there, Mikey would ask you to help in the kitchen or play a few levels on the new mario game you gave him. Leo would want you to train with him and when that was done, Raph would turn you right around and tell you that you needed to do a post-training workout (can’t go on this date if you’re too tired, right?). As time got closer to you needing to get ready, the boy’s requests got a little more ridiculous. You naturally caught onto what was going on, so you told them that you were getting ready whether they liked it or not. Unfortunately, you also didn’t want to go either so having them trying to stop you was not helping your control.

Now came the final moments where you needed to go topside and meet your date at this semi-fancy place that your date picked. But now the boys were practically holding you down to keep you from going. “Look, I promised my coworker that I had to stay until the main course was served. She said I didn’t have to finish the meal, it just had to be placed in front of me. I’ll be right back, I promise. I have no intention to actually finish this date. I love you guys.”

Leo, rubbing circles on your arm with his thumb, spoke barely over a whisper “I know, it’s just…” he couldn’t finish, what if you did find this guy attractive? What if by going on this date you’d realize that you deserved better than them? There were too many what ifs going through his brain.

He didn’t have to finish though, you knew what he was thinking, what all of them were thinking. You reached up with your free hand to touch his cheek. Going on your tiptoes you kissed him until you felt him relax a little. Then you turned to the others and said, “I have an idea.”

Turning away from the exit, Donnie and Leo letting go, you head to the dojo and opened up the drawer that had all the training essentials, including what you were looking for. You pull out four different coloured pieces of cloth that was there if needed (mainly if their bandanas needed repair) and headed back to the boys. You took the ribbons and, biting your bottom lip in concentration, started tying them around your head in your hair until you had a nice, four coloured bow. The strands were long enough that they hung down over your shoulders, bushing just over your chest, so you could see them.

You finger the one side between your thumb and forefinger, “there. Now I have a piece of each of you with me wherever I go.”

“Babe, that looks adorable on you!” Mikey smiles “it’ll be like we’re there with you,” he picks you up and twirls you, his grin getting bigger as you giggle. Upon setting you down he swoops in and pecks you on the lips. You know he’s feeling better with you going now.

You hear a sigh of defeat from Donnie as you feel a pair of arms hold you from behind. Turning to see him, you bring up your hand to touch his face. Donnie quickly grabs your hand and plants a kiss on your palm. “I hate this but…” another sigh “I won’t stop you anymore. Just please come back to us.”

You look to Leo and Raph, both still were scowling with fists clenched. Their possessiveness still too strong, but they knew that there was no winning at this point. Reaching for them they couldn’t get to you fast enough. Raph holds your face between his hands, kissing you like a starved man as Leo rests his forehead on your shoulder. Once Raph and you part to breath you repeat that you’ll be back real soon, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” “You better” he growls.

Slowly pulling away from the boys you realize that now you’re looking a little disheveled, hair slightly esque, lipstick smudged, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You take a few steps backward towards the exit while looking at the forlorn/grumpy faces of your boyfriends. After blowing them a kiss you finally turn and exit the lair.

One thought echoed in everyone’s mind for the rest of the evening: this date couldn’t end fast enough!

A/N: As soon as you get home you’re gonna get pounced ha!

[seenashwrite]

SNIPED (Part Five)

Status: Complete (Part 5 of 5) Word Count: 7K Rating: 18+/Mature/Explicit for Adult Themes including - Graphic sexual situations; Mild-to-moderate violence; Coarse language Categories: Drama; Action; Romance; Porn-with-Plot; Smut; On-the-hunt Character(s): Dean; Sam; Reader/O.C. Female; Jody; Crowley [briefly]; Alex & Claire [mentioned]; Castiel [mentioned] Pairings: Dean x Reader/OC Female [Pts. 2 & 5]; Sam x Reader/OC Female [Pt. 3] Warning(s): See “Rating” section above Author’s Note(s): See Part One & post-story Overall Summary: The Winchesters receive assistance on their case from a sniper. Part Four & Five Summary: The sniper gets the answers she’s been waiting - and almost dying - for, regarding both her past and, potentially, her future.

                 || SNIPED Master Post ||

A deep, guttural howl hit my ears as I fell. It wasn't mine; never saw much point in screaming when I got hurt. Then I recall seeing a bright light, as if a star went nova right in front of me. Windows shattering, snowflakes of glass pricking the side of my face and neck.

There was soft cottony fabric against my face. Dean's smell. A metal smell. Feeling like half of me was lying in a warm bath. Feeling ice cold at the same time.

Jody's tearful voice. The roar of the Impala's engine as it was gunning, over and over. Sam saying something. Dean shouting castor... catty... casty... something.

An awful whistling sound, then a gurgling sound, then I was gagging into the fabric at my face, a mouthful of liquid pouring out, but not enough to stop the choking, and I couldn't make my throat do anything about it. I remember realizing Dean must've been holding me, that I was fighting to bring a hand up, feeling stickiness on his chest and belly, wondering if he was bleeding, how badly he was hurt.

And then I became aware I was lying on a hard surface. Felt my back arching away from it, shooting upwards at the waist, sitting bolt straight. I remember sucking in a massive amount of air, so much it hurt my throat and rattled my entire upper body. An odd, slightly monotone, but calming voice I'd never heard before. Dean's voice, sounding muddied, far away, my vision caked in shadows, until....

Everything went black this time.

But now..... Now I blinked, slowly opening my eyes, carefully easing into a sitting position, trying to get my bearings.

"MOM!"

Glancing to my right, Jody's kid - the blonde one - scrambled from her seated position on the floor where she'd been reading, tripping over her books - and her own feet - ricocheting into the hallway off of the door frame, startled into clumsiness and calling Jody something I'd have bet the farm she'd never done voluntarily before.

I looked around and saw that I was in Jody's house, in her bedroom, in her bed, bundled with far too many blankets and pillows. I looked down, running my hands over my torso, which was clad in an old concert t-shirt I recognized as Jody's, and saw I’d also been outfitted in pastel flower-patterned pajama pants that must've been the brunette kid's, and then I took in the sight of my thumb. I wiggled it in front of my face. My broken and dislocated thumb was... perfect. I immediately pulled up the shirt, mashing and pressing. No soreness, no pain, no gunshot, no bandage, no blood. Nothing.

I touched my face - my cheek was fine. I felt my chin - no cut. And I dreaded moving, wondering how long I'd been stuck horizontal, knowing my back was going to punish me for it. But I peeled back the bedding and stood right up without an ache, without a hitch. I was frowning and pushing pretty hard on my lower vertebrae when brisk footfalls approached.

"Oh thank christ!" Jody exclaimed, throwing the dishrag she held to the floor as she rushed in, enveloped me in a huge hug. She smelled of fried chicken grease. It was the best thing ever.

I hugged her back, but then her squeezing got a little ridiculous. "Okay, Jo," I said with a chuckle.

Jody pulled away, placed her hands on either side of my face, then adopted her don't-you-cross-me look. "Never. Again."

I felt my eyes get misty. "No, ma'am," I whispered.

She picked up the dishtowel, threw it over her shoulder. "Move it. Dinner's almost ready."

It had been almost thirty-six hours exactly. Jody and the girls told me that - minus one slightly comatose trip to the bathroom which had taken all three to manage - I'd slept through all of them. I was ravenous for the first time in months, ate two helpings of everything. And though I couldn't imagine being able to sleep more, I found myself groggily piling into Jody's bed with her as night fell. We were turned towards each other, speaking quietly. Well, Jody was speaking. I was listening. Crowley had been hurt, she assured me, but he was so powerful, it had likely been a lost cause from the start.

"I know, silly," I told her with a sad sort of smile.

"Then why the hell--"

"He threatened Dean," I answered simply.

And Jody nodded. All the answer she needed. She'd seen love on me before, and she recognized it now. "You haven't asked where he and Sam are," she pointed out.

"Ah, well... they aren't here, so... that's all I need to know."

Jody gave me a look. "Don't pull that nothing-impacts-me-because-I'm-a-stone-cold-bitch routine on me. I invented that before you even thought to. You can't bullshit a bullshitter, as they say."

I just looked at her calmly, a tiny smile on my lips. I knew she was going to tell me, anyway. And part of me did want to know how furious Dean was with me. Prepare myself to leave Jody's physically, leave Dean mentally. Move on.

She sighed. "What do you remember?"

"I thought I was dying," I admitted. "I've been shot before, but shit. Saw the white light and everything."

Jody raised an eyebrow. "Oh, that was Castiel."

And then my eyebrows shot up. "The angel?"

She nodded. "He couldn't get in, they'd warded and sigiled and had actually lit a ring of holy fire around the whole place before we got there. So he stood across the street, took out some of Crowley's pricks, then---"

"And then the glory of the lord shone 'round about me?" I finished with a wry grin.

Jody snickered. "Oh, yeah. You've got nothing on his breaching prowess, my friend. He's also the reason you're alive. Healed you right up."

"Wow," I said under my breath. Then - "He fixed my back while he was at it."

"You're kidding me."

I shook my head. "It feels like... like before. I feel like before. I mean, just not... not..."

"Not your heart," Jody said, finishing for me. A few moments of silence. "It worked him over good. Dean. He went into shock, froze on the spot. And Sam, he just scooped you up and ran to the car."

"Oh?" I whispered.

She nodded. "We put you in the back with Dean, Sam punched it, got us the hell outta there. And Dean just wouldn't let you go, I kept trying to help hold your wound, but... he had you so, so tight."

Tears were in both my eyes and hers.

"Kiddo, don't give up on him. After Cas healed you, Dean was begging him to wake you up, just so he could know for sure you were all there. But Cas said you were in, and I quote, 'Dire need of rest'. Apparently you've been burning the ol' candle at both ends, huh?"

I nodded.

Jody looked at me seriously. "Promise me you're done with Crowley."

"Jo, I---"

"I mean it," she said, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I can't. Not again. If anything happened to you or the girls---"

"I know," I told her, and for the first time in our long friendship, I hugged her instead of the other way around. We pulled apart and while she was wiping her eyes, she continued.

"But then Dean started practically climbing the walls, just couldn't stay. Sam wanted to. There was almost a round two. Glad Cas had hung around, I was just wandering around in a haze by that point. The girls told me they'd taken off while I was in the shower."

"Back to Kansas?"

Jody gave me a one-shouldered shrug. "Wish I could say." A pause. "Can I text him to let him know you're awake?"

"Um..." I thought for a second. I had no clue where my phone was anyway, probably still with my rifle. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

Jody nodded, turned briefly to the night stand, grabbed her phone. A few taps, then a whoosh as the text zipped away. She settled back on her side to face me again, phone between us on the bed. She watched me carefully.

"I don't have my hopes up," I told her calmly and honestly.

If I were Dean - after my mistake with Sam, after all the pushing away I'd done, going after Crowley when he'd warned me not to, then after essentially dying in his arms - hell, if I were him I'd be halfway to Alaska by now, fuck Kansas. It was maybe two minutes before Jody's phone dinged and we looked down at the screen simultaneously.

O.K.

I went back home, back to a normal routine, back to teaching, even back to a morning jogging regimen. Kept Crowley's gift on me at all times. Retired the wedding bands to a box at the back of a drawer.

It was a little over a month later while I was in the midst of walking the line at the range, giving the occasional instruction, that I felt my phone vibrate. I couldn't check it til the end of the session. I'd received a voice mail from Jody.

Sam came through. Just talked to him, and they're done with the marathon of dead-end leads Dean insisted they check out. They'll be at the bunker for the foreseeable future, according to Sam, and it sure as shit sounds like he means business. I'll pick up your mail for you. Let me know you got there safe.

Dean had only seen me in camouflage and a slutty cocktail dress. And naked. And mostly dead. So it was I found myself once again in a random bathroom, this time closer to the Kansas-Nebraska state line, pants around my ankles.

Except now, I was changing into black slacks that emphasized my waist, very form-fitting, but only to a point. They hugged just the top and a little more than halfway down the curves of my asscheeks before they shot downward with sharp creases, loosening up around my newly re-acquired thick runner's thighs, growing wider til they almost hit the floor, were it not for a pair of black kitten-heeled ankle boots. I liked how the cuffs swished around my feet when I walked, as close as I'd ever get to a ballgown, no doubt.

And the wide-collared, dark grey button-down I wore on top was just as crisply creased. It resembled a man's dress shirt, though it was cut just right for a woman's curves. It was nearly skin tight, only a bit of blousing occurring at the top of the pants. My boobs had shrunk a little, of course, because the universe couldn't have possibly assigned the weight loss to my hips first, but I didn't mind. I hated bras anyway, and though I probably still could've used one, I opted for a lacy black camisole. And I purposefully left one extra button of the blouse undone. Not for flirting. Only to show I'd retired my necklace. I hoped I'd get the opportunity to tell him it was permanent.

I still rolled the cuffs up my forearms, and I still wore crazily-patterned knee-high socks underneath, and I still couldn't be bothered to do much more than muted brownish-pink lipstick and mascara. Waterproof, by way of warding off my personal demons. But I left my hair loose how he'd liked it. I'd even used scented shampoo. I wanted to be as put-together on the outside as I desperately wanted to be on the inside. I wanted Dean to see - if Dean would choose to see me - that I was trying. That I cared. That if he really wanted to go for some sort of normal, then I was in.

I was in all the way.

I got there around eight. The Impala was parked just outside the door Jody had described as the one I'd need to go to. I parked so I wouldn't block them in, just in case Dean - or Sam - decided to make a run for it.

At the ready.

Make a tight fist.

Breathe in.

Let out.

Now knock.

I was standing with my hands in my pockets, half turned away from the door, glancing up and behind me at my surroundings while I waited. I'd been counting; it had been three minutes. Three-thirty. Three-forty-five. Three---

The hinges creaked, and I turned.

Dean stood there with widened eyes but a furrowed brow. His maroon-colored button-down was loose atop a black t-shirt. He was wearing a pair of his darker denim, and the same brown boots as always on his feet. He needed a shave, possibly a haircut.

No. No, not really. He was stunning.

And he was still. Not happy, not sad, not angry, not looking me up-and-down. Just there.

"Hi," I tried.

Dean met my eye. Then he exhaled a long breath. He still didn't speak.

"I, uh..."

I was crumbling already. Shit.

I pulled a hand from my pocket and jabbed a thumb over my shoulder towards my car, saying, "I shouldn't have shown up like this, I guess I was just afraid you'd, ah..." I let out a nervous little chuckle. "That you'd take off. But, um. Still. Bad idea." Now I looked at my shoes. I felt the wetness coming to my eyes. I nodded my head, still looking down. "Okay. Um. Okay."

A final nod, from myself to myself, an encouragement I was making the right call. I turned on my heel and headed back up the concrete steps.

Dean jerked me around and into his arms so quickly I almost fell - then suddenly, out of nowhere, I was wracked with sobs.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I put you through that," I managed to choke out, gripping him as tightly as he gripped me, so much so I thought we might break each other.

Dean sniffled, and when he pulled away to bring his hands up to either side of my face, I saw tears slowly streaming down his. And then his brow knitted together, his face clenched up, on the verge of full-on crying. But he smashed his mouth onto mine, and we fell into a hungry, desperate sort of kiss, both of us letting out hitched breaths as we allowed our pain to ease away.

"You were so cold and pale," he whispered against my skin, now planting kisses around random spots on my face. "I thought every drop of your blood had come out."

"Oh, Dean. Oh, I'm so sorry," I whispered back, putting my hands atop Dean's, which were still clutching my face, keeping it close to his.

"I thought Cas wouldn't get to you in time," Dean said, starting to weep, his voice cracking on his last few words, and there went my tears again as he brought his lips back to me, kissing a trail along my jaw.

This couldn't keep on. We were going to be piles of goo. I didn't want to melt down.

"Is the Impala alright?"

Dean pulled back from his kisses, blinked. Another sniffle. He looked confused. "What?"

"Did I ruin your car?"

"Did you... what?"

"I'm worried you won't be able to get all my mess cleaned up," I replied, the corner of my mouth tweaking up. 

A touch of a twinkle came to his eyes.

"It's why I drove down here," I continued. "I'm very concerned about the condition of that gorgeous hunk of machinery. I'm ashamed of the state I left it in."

There was that beautiful smile. "Well, uh, that car's tough. Been through worse."

"Still. The guilt's killing me. Can I write you a check?"

"Shut up," he muttered as he leaned in.

And then another kiss, a deep, slow one, absent of anguish, only filled with desire. Dean pressed against me, pulling our bodies close. I could feel him getting harder and harder.

"Come inside with me," he said, just like he had so long ago back when we sat in Jody's driveway, back before we were nearly torn apart.

"Oh, Mr. Winchester. I'll go anywhere with you," I told him softly, bringing a hand up and gently brushing hair away from his forehead. Dean's eyes closed and he tilted his head, kissing the inside of my wrist.

"We're about to have the place to ourselves, Sammy's headed out soon," he informed me as we went in, then shut the door. Grabbing me by the waist, pulling me in again, he added, "So we can make as much noise as we want."

I grinned as he grasped my hand tightly, pulling me along at a quick pace into his room.

Another one of those slow, deep kisses. Dean ran his hand inside the top of my shirt, cupping a breast through the lace, gently squeezing. I gingerly raised one leg after the other as we kissed, balancing carefully as I unzipped my boots and kicked them away. Then I ran my hands up his chest to his shoulders as he moved on to my other breast, pushing his shirt off as much as I could. Dean went to pull my blouse apart even more, when the next button popped, shooting off and making a tink-tink-tink sound as it hop-skipped away. 

He met my eye with a crooked grin and a shrug, then removed his shirt. I followed suit, and he tossed them somewhere, moved on to running his hands along my waist. "How do you..." he muttered with a little frown, studying my slacks, apparently disinterested in my top half for now, ready to move on to the next stage of my undressing.

I laughed. "Here," I said, guiding his hand to the zipper running up the back.

Dean crushed himself against me again as he unzipped and I slid my hands under his t-shirt, stroking his muscular back and looking up into his eyes with I know what must have been a goofy smile on my face. He grinned back, those crinkles at the corners of his eyes making an appearance, and god, I just wanted to plant kisses on them. Unzipped now, he went to guide my slacks down, running his hands beyond the hem of my cami to cup my ass, when he gasped.

"Underwear slows things down," I explained.

"Oh fuck," he moaned into my mouth as he kissed me again, pulling me close, hands gently caressing my asscheeks with every swirl of his tongue.

"You're so hard," I whispered when his lips moved to my neck.

Then he suddenly squatted, pulling my slacks down, guiding me into raising one foot after the other as he removed them completely, then tossed them over to a chair. He missed. I didn't give a shit.

The hem of the long camisole landed just barely above my pussy. Dean moved from the squat into a kneeling position, first pressing his face into the fabric, inhaling and exhaling several times. His breath swept under the hem as his face eased lower, and I felt chills.

"I remember this smell," he said. "I dreamt of this smell, of this taste."

And after that last part, Dean's tongue drug along the creases where my thighs met my pussy, one after another. I let out an involuntary groan, my knees getting a little weak. He gripped the back of my legs and I raised the hem of the cami, holding the fabric up higher, looking down so I could watch every moment. He hadn't eaten me out last time, we were too spent, only ran his tongue over and around lightly after we'd masturbated for each other. I was getting wetter and wetter just thinking about what he would do now.

Dean's tongue was flat and wide, pushing aside my puffy lips, dragging it slowly over my clit, then starting over, this time curving to the right, focusing on just that side of my clit, repeating it with the left side, back to running over the top. His hands had gradually moved from the back of my legs around to the front, and he sat back on his heels, looking at my clit so tenderly as he used his thumbs to push my lips up and to the side, exposing it fully.

He gently blew a little stream of air on it. I shivered. He leaned in closer, did it again. My breaths were getting shallow. I felt wetness beginning to seep out of me at an ever-increasing rate. And when Dean put his mouth on me again, he only gave my clit a mild suck before going after it rapidly with the tip of his tongue, wrapping his arms around my legs to steady me, batting my clit up, down, around like a punching bag.

"I'm... I'm... gonna... f-fall... D-Dean..." I stuttered out, reaching down to touch his head and get his attention.

And he planted a hand on my lower back as he rose, the other hooked under one of my knees, spun us both around, letting me sit down on the bed. I laid back, let him keep my leg pushed up and back with his hand, then he was kneeling again, his lips almost immediately latching onto my throbbing clit once more. Then his other hand, goddamn, those hands, came to my dripping core. I felt his index and middle finger glide in with ease.

"Mmmmm," Dean growled against me, the vibrations sending a telltale shiver through me.

"I'm so close," I panted, grabbing onto however much bedding I possibly could. I never came easily, not even for myself. It was a small miracle I'd been able to come for him on my last visit. But just watching him from across the room had made it happen much more quickly. Now I was about to explode.

Dean's fingers were methodical, prodding firmly but not roughly, a third finger sneaking in gently and it felt so good when he started almost clutching my cunt, his hand curving, the heel of his palm against my taint, bumping it as his fingers went in and out.

My thighs began to shake. I heard myself whimpering. Felt my other leg go up and to the side of its own accord. Dean removed his hand from me, damp against my skin as it moved to help my leg stay back. I felt the quivers building inside.

"Come for me, honey," I heard his husky voice say, before that long stroke of his tongue went over my clit for what would be the final time. My eyes slammed shut, my jaw clenched to the point of soreness.

Never been a screamer or a wailer, never. Didn't plan on starting now. It was too porn-y. But god almighty, did a deep groan come from somewhere and I didn't fully realize it was me until I noted Dean's mouth was still occupied, gently lapping at my cunt as I came.

Gasping for air, feeling like I was on fire, my eyes still closed, I felt Dean move from in between my legs. All I could think was that there was too much on me, and I was struggling to manipulate the stupid cami over my stupid head.

"Errrrr," I fussed, feeling a frown come to my brow, still too spent to sit up or even bother to open my eyes.

I heard rustling, a zipper, then Dean chuckled from somewhere nearby. I felt the mattress move, felt his naked body next to me, then he playfully batted my hands away.

"Hang tight, I got this," he said, remnants of the chuckle still floating over his words.

"Sadists made this," I stated flatly, my eyes still closed as I let my arms flop out to either side.

Dean laughed, and then I felt the cami rise as his hands ran up my torso, slip under my arms, pulling me up the bed, and then over onto him, as he rolled to his back.

I sat up, finally opening my eyes, looking down at him as I straddled his thigh and took off the last bit of clothing standing between us. His hand had drifted to the small of my back, rubbing it gently, occasionally alternating with slow scratching. He put his other arm behind his head, propping it up a bit, looking at me with a cat-that-ate-the-canary close-lipped smile.

"You look awful proud of yourself," I noted, tossing the cami... somewhere, who knows.

He responded with a little shrug.

I grinned, then crawled up his body, placed my hands on either side of his face, kissing him til I absolutely had to stop to breathe.

"Whoo," Dean muttered, eyes widening, apparently having almost been robbed of his breath, as well. He was still rubbing my back as I eased away. I moved my leg so that I was straddling both his thighs. 

I was looking down at my hands as they slowly ran over his cock, no pressure right now, just caressing, base to tip. The uptick in his breathing let me know I was doing something right. He was still watching my face intently. I could always tell when he was, didn't even have to look.

"I'd appreciate you thanking your angel friend for me," I said, now beginning to apply bits of pressure to my strokes here-and-there. I was watching his tip like a hawk for the first sign of pre-cum.

"Whu... wha... huh?" Dean said, and I glanced up to see one of those montages of facial expressions.

I shook my head and chuckled. "You reminded me---"

His eyebrows shot up. "What has happened in here that could possibly---"

I gave him a look, then removed one of my hands from his dick, brought it behind me briefly to pat his hand. "He took away five years of pain overnight. I mean, yeah, the gunshot," I went on, returning my hand to its current mission.

"Yeah, the gunshot," Dean repeated in a semi-sarcastic tone, but his eyes were crinkly and sparkling when I glanced at him, which brought a wide smile to my face.

"Well, because, typically I'd prefer you standing or in a chair, so I could have room to fidget," I continued, moving from my straddle and scooting up the bed on my knees, then turning, my lower back and ass next to his chest, still gently stroking as I went. "But see, now," I went on, looking him dead in the eye, increasing the pressure of my touch before leaving my right hand at the base and putting my left hand on his left thigh.

A sharp intake of breath from Dean.

"Now I've got the right angle. And will absolutely ruin you for other women." With a wink, I leaned over and plunged his cock a little more than three-quarters of the way down my throat.

A huge gulp of breath behind me. His pelvis actually jolted and the thigh on which my hand rested went into a few small spasms. Incoherent mutterings from behind me drifted to my ear. Dean wasn't even on the planet, I could tell by the way he was halfheartedly running his hand up my back with no discernible pattern or plan whatsoever.

I hadn't yet taken him all in. I was determined to do it. It would be a challenge, to be sure, but after all - challenges were my specialty. Focus, concentration, controlling my gag reflex versus letting it control me. Dean was well above average in both length and girth, and I knew from last time the girth had still yet to meet its potential. And I aimed to see what I could do to motivate his cock to be all it could be. Quickly licking his length then distributing the moisture with my hand to give my lips a little more help to slide, I paused at the tip, peppering it with little kisses as I looked back to him.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I whispered back in between kisses.

"Yes."

"This is going to be my favorite thing to do to you."

I had him completely down my throat in two tries. Dean's heels had almost immediately come up to flatten against the bed near his ass. I felt his hands disappear completely but then heard them smack against something, I assume the headboard. He was fighting hard to keep from thrusting his hips into my face, I could tell, bless him, so I only kept to deep-throating for a few plunges. I wanted Dean happy, but I also wanted him to fuck me, so him having an orgasm at this point was not on the docket.

I worked the top third of his cock with my mouth, the rest with my hand, rotating and stroking, but not pumping - that would be addressed soon enough. His legs had relaxed and I took the opportunity to gently stroke his balls, the insides of his thighs, when I felt his hips begin to shift closer to the middle of the bed. Then  his hands on my right leg, lifting it and settling it to his right. And then his hands on either hip, urging me backwards as his own hips slid down.

"Ah!" I gasped around his engorged dick, momentarily distracted from my mission as it seemed Dean was on a mission of his own - he'd buried his face in my pussy again, his scruffy face scratching over my bare mound and inner thighs every time his jaw moved to take in more and more, his chin rubbing against my sore clit, his nose pressed against my taint while he plunged his tongue into me, then ran it around the edges of my weeping entrance.

He groaned as I sped up my strokes, increased the sucks, my lips making the occasional pop as they left his dripping tip, only to go back for more. I couldn't really take him into my mouth any longer, his girth at its peak, too large to risk the delicate skin running against my teeth. My mouth physically could no longer accommodate his size, and my fingers were only just making contact around his cock.

I carefully disengaged from his mouth, easing off to his left. He helped me settle back, his hand guiding my ass, as I pulled my leg across his chest, turning to face him again. Dean was wiping his hand across his damp chin and mouth as I leaned over, planting kisses randomly across his chest.

"Shit," he commented, and I glanced up. His hand was still at his face, but now he was rubbing his jawline. "Was this hurting you?" he asked, his expression one of concern.

I felt the corners of my mouth curl up. "In a good way."

He grinned. "You're right. You're ruining me."

Then both of our faces grew more solemn as we looked at each other. I brought myself up closer, lying on my right side and he did the same, on his left, facing me, reaching up and brushing fly-aways from my face, then letting his hand linger as he came in close, giving me another one of those sweet, slow, soft first kisses.

I brought my left leg up, gently laid it over his hip. He scooted in closer and closer. We didn't speak. Never took our eyes off each other. Not even as I guided him into me.I was caught off-guard, letting my eyes flutter shut and my mouth fall open a bit, squeezing his shoulder and gasping as he slowly tried to push further inside of me. Seeing it was one thing; stroking it, another; even the blow job didn't prepare me for this, for the stretch, for the feeling of fullness, and he hadn't even  gotten close to full penetration.

"Holy shit, holy shit," I babbled, my voice shaky.

Dean replaced my hand with his, continuing the process. His lips pressed to mine, silencing me momentarily, then he paused - both the kiss and his entry, letting himself ease out - to look at me. "This is perfect," he whispered. "I don't want this to stop."

"It doesn't have to," I whispered back. I pulled on his shoulder a bit and he responded, kissing me again as he moved himself to hover over me, to settle between my legs. But before he did was I was dying for him to do----

"At Jody's... when you were talking about what you were, how I didn't know what..."

He looked nervous, pained, so I reached up, stroked the side of his face. "I know who you are, Dean."

A small shake of his head. "Sometimes I don't. And what I was---"

"What did you tell me? About your soul? You told me you felt this, us, in your soul. And that's all I ever need to know about it." 

Another round of breathless kisses, then Dean and I once more stared at each other as he positioned the head of his cock. 

"I wanna do this slow," I told him, and he nodded. 

We were going to make this last.

Concentrating, his eyes closing for the moment, he pushed past my entry and we both sighed. We were watching each other carefully as he pushed further, never jabbing, never thrusting. I tilted my pelvis as I opened my legs even wider and the angle allowed for a small, but abrupt amount of progress towards my core.

I inhaled sharply, bit my lip; I felt like a goddamned virgin.

"Ssssh, sshh," Dean whispered. "I got you, baby."

I willed myself to relax. Then there was more. A little more. More. And finally I felt Dean fully flush against me, completely inside of me, stretching my walls, and already I felt like I was going to float away. He pressed down onto me then, his forearms against the mattress so as not to put his full weight on me. I had one arm around his shoulders and one across his back. We kissed.

"Tell me," Dean said softly, ever-so-slightly moving his pelvis to-and-fro.

"Tell you what, gorgeous?"

He actually blushed a bit at that. "Pretty to gorgeous, huh?"

I grinned, relaxing even more, allowing him to move freely. His eyes closed, a hiss passed through his teeth, then he looked at me again. Slowly rocking, a barely-there rhythm began to emerge.

"Tell me," he repeated.

A tiny furrow of my brow. "Tell you what?"

Dean sighed against my mouth as he pulled back almost to the point of emerging, his eyes hooded, desire streaming off of him. "Tell me you won't let anyone else touch you like this."

"Oh, love. How could I?"

He buried his head between my shoulder and my neck, then he buried his cock in me with one solid push, both of us crying out in unison, gripping onto each other tightly, as his rhythm hit a still slow, but steady rate. It felt like he was growing even larger inside me, my walls contracting, pulling him in with each thrust.

"Tell me we're not just fucking," Dean panted into my ear, his arms leaving the bed, now gripping my hips, my ass, fingers digging into my flesh, tilting my pelvis even more, plunging even deeper though it didn't seem possible.

My hands flew up to his head and I pulled his face up, away from my neck so I could look him in the eyes. I shook my head a tiny bit. I spoke firmly. "Never with you."

Dean's face looked like it was about to crumble, and he smashed his lips to mine, his tongue exploring every bit of my mouth, and mine his, my back arching with ease as I matched his rhythm and we sped up in unison, completely connected and moving as one.

His hands left my hips, his forearms coming to rest beside me higher than before, my new back allowing me to curl up with such ease I could've just kissed that angel. Dean's hands came up to either side of my head. My hands were on his ass, holding him, pressing him into me, encouraging him to pump harder, faster. We were both sweaty and sticky and lost, no longer kissing, just sighing and moaning into each others' parted lips.

"Are you..." I asked, trailing off.

Dean couldn't manage even one word, merely nodded.

I removed my hands from his ass, leaving one on his back, sliding the other between us, rubbing my clit vigorously. I was already so close. Just having Dean inside of me would've been enough. But I wanted this to be everything for him.

"I want you to come inside me," I gasped, feeling the orgasm beginning to overtake me.

"Oh fuck oh yes oh fuck," he chanted as he started to feel me clamping down around him.

I cried out as I came on his throbbing cock, and he groaned moments later, and I felt the pulsing as he spilled over. Dean virtually collapsed on top of me, both of us spent, panting like animals, my thighs still twitching as my orgasm subsided. My pussy ached. My hips ached. But my heart... not there. Not any longer.

Dean started to move.

"No, no," I whispered, "stay. Just a little while."

And he did.

Every time we kissed it felt new. That night, the next morning in the shower, then that night when we made love again. I ended up staying at the bunker for a week. Sam went off to tackle a minor case on his own. We barely noticed.

"This is such a bad idea," I said, chuckling.

On another random morning, after breakfast, I still had on Dean's bathrobe - which I’d essentially claimed as mine - and was standing at the foot of the stairs with my arms crossed, watching him, naked as a jay bird, getting situated atop a towel he'd placed on one of the steps.

It was way too far up the staircase.

"What?" he asked, looking at me with a big smile and wide, innocent eyes.

"Ha! No. You fucking well know 'what'. Don't put on the act." I pointed to the first few steps. "Plant your ass there, and your feet on the floor, so I don't get thrown down a flight of stairs and crack my skull."

"You don't trust me to keep a hold on you, that's what this is," Dean declared, but he was grinning and doing as he was told, semi-erect and the picture of bliss.

"That is absolutely accurate," I replied, letting the robe fall to the floor as he took his seat, now much more trustworthy and stable.

Dean stroked himself, eyed me up and down as I came closer. "Wait a minute," he said as I moved to straddle him.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, for - I swear to god..."

Dean looked at me seriously. "I've fallen in love with you."

I went completely numb.

"You don't have to say it back," he continued, his tone growing a little gruffer, like he was giving an order. "Hell, I don't want you to say it back. Not right now. Or I'll think you did, because I did."

I nodded my understanding.

Wow.

After a single, firm nod in acknowledgment, Dean reached out, drew me in, kissed me as he helped guide me onto his lap, then onto his cock.

"This was such a great idea," I said minutes later, chasing it with a satisfied moan.

I was riding him, able to push off the stairs with my feet for some excellent leverage, grab the railings, and lean back far enough to get a fantastic view of his cock plunging in and out of my cunt. And I wasn't the only one mesmerized. Dean's hands were sometimes on my hips, sometimes kneading my breasts, sometimes working my clit, but mostly, like me, he was staring down, watching the point where we connected.

"Told you so," he replied, catching my eye and giving me a little wink. Then he watched me as my chest heaved and my hips moved in quicker gyrations when he began playing with my clit.

I let go of the rails, scooting in closer to him, draping my arms around his shoulders, using Dean for leverage now. His arms went around my back, holding me firmly while he eased my upper body backwards, leaning forward a bit with me, kissed around my chest, suckled at my breasts til both nipples were beyond erect. I was totally secure. Safe. I wasn't going to fall.

"I'm not falling in love with you, you know," I told him in between heavy breaths.

Dean paused, looked to me with a mixture of surprise and confusion, and perhaps a little hurt, passing over his face before he resumed his kisses. But I began to tilt, wanting to sit up, Dean not hesitating to help me come back close to him with his strong arms, letting me envelop his cock completely once more. I kissed his temple, then an eyebrow, then the sprinkling of freckles to the side of his nose. Softly stroking the back of his neck, trailing my fingers out to his shoulders and repeating the motions as I spoke in his ear. 

"I think I started to love you---"

His grip on me tightened.

"---when you fucked up that hunt."

A burst of laughter from him, then back to our mild panting for a few moments. That, and the gentle noises of skin slapping together, were the only sounds in the bunker. They echoed a bit off the walls.

But I wondered if he thought I was joking, so I chose to tell him more.

"I was so pissed you'd shot at that thing... til I realized later that there would've been no way..." My thrusts sped up. He matched them, driving deeper into me. My thighs began clenching his waist. "I thought I could've whipped around in time, hit my knee and gotten off a shot when it came from the side..."

Tiny moans emerged from his lips, his head against me, forehead propped where my neck met my shoulder. His hot breath against my skin made me shiver. I swirled my hips, lifted up a bit, slowly rode his length back down.

"...but you'd seen... knew... knew it would've torn.. t-torn... torn r-right... through me..."

We were sweaty, my pelvis aching from grinding into his, the tip of his impossibly thick cock banging into that heavenly spot over and over, undoing me.

"...and you looked at me, s-so... you were so... n-nobody's ever looked that... sad to have dis... disappointed me," I managed to gasp out, the trembles in my core beginning to reach, spread to the rest of my body. "...even though... y-you... you saved my life."

"I w-wanted... just wanted you t-to like... like me," Dean panted.

Our heads tilted towards each other, our eyes were locked, not anywhere else in the world but with each other. I kissed him gently on the lips. We came together. And as we settled, still on those stairs and wrapped around each other, I spoke again.

"Well, I'm sorry about that whole liking you thing," I mumbled against the side of his head, back to running my fingers over the skin at the nape of his neck.

A small chuckle. "What?"

"I couldn't help it. Skipping right to love."

Dean moved his head, looked at me with that glint in his eye that instantly made me ache all over. "Snipes, you nut. You're not making any sense."

But I was.

"Dean. You know I can't pass up the perfect shot."

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Author’s Note #2: Yeah, so, uh -  bet aside, couldn’t let the tale end on a sour note, I finished it of my own volition. But my “editor” [ha! punishment-dealer] insisted on more descriptors in the smut portion of our tale, therefore I condone virtually *none* of the action verbs/adverbs/whatnots in that general vicinity that you’ve read above. Ahem. Hope you enjoyed!

[sheegoggery]

Lessons from drawing Drackchan

If you’d like to read the TLDR summary, scroll ‘til the bullet points at the bottom.

This post is in reference to my my first digital drawing project located here. I had a few fellow artists ask about my process and decided to write this up. 

Last year when the hype for Mass Effect Andromeda was strong and I had an excess of passionate feelings I started work on a portrait of the (then) newly announced Krogan squad member, Drack. I hadn’t done any digital drawings from scratch and was just learning how to properly draw with paper and pencil. I was equipped with a sub-par, glitchy Monoprice tablet that I caught on sale and an out of date version of Photoshop CS6 but I was determined to try.

Let’s get started. 

When I worked at Insomniac Games last year I saw that everyone drew their rough work with blue pencils first so I thought why not do the same digitally with a very rough sketch in blue using the pencil tool set to 1px in Photoshop. I wanted to get the shape and high contrast points defined first and I’m actually really glad I did it that way. Psychologically, the blue felt easy to get rid of and temporary. I started with all of the outer lines and profile before moving to grounding features like his eye and horns and building out from there. In hindsight I wish I checked the scale a bit more, there were parts that I couldn’t go back and fix after I added a lot of detail. I was honestly just so happy to have a drawing that looked like something real that I moved on to the next step.

After the “pencil” I used a 2 point black brush tool to "pen" the lines and also darken areas I knew would have more contrast. Things got tricky around this part. The crest (forehead) in my reference image has some excellent tones I wanted to capture but I couldn’t figure out how to blend the colors well. I tried a few different brushes but nothing was quite working. At this point I also got a little obsessed with the shading of the neck and put far too much work into it. Thankfully, someone kindly reminded me that it’s important to get base colors on all of your work before adding too much detail in one area.

Now that we’re started, let’s get started.

The task of adding base colors helped so SO much because I could just eyeball the values in specific regions of the reference picture and it would give me a place to start. I feel like finding that starting position is the hardest thing for me to get over and once I do, I can actually get invested. Now I combined the base colors with the brush techniques by smudging a lot of low opacity layers so that I got my desired colors and textures. It took a lot of work to get it right. I would throw in multiple layers of color blobs with 30-60% opacity on top of a base grey color, blend the edges of the blobs with streaks of the smudging tool. and then keep adding layers and smudging. I also used the blur tool  until the blobs became highlights with a nice depth of color that wasn’t too sudden. 

While I tried to avoid adding too much detail to one area, I began using the Pen tool to give small details and texture in 1 or 2px black. This was mostly to encourage myself that what I was creating wasn’t trash. Staying motivated was hard. I was absolutely certain I would sabotage myself and mess this crotchety Krogan face up. These details, the same layer as my “pen” always stayed as my top layer.

Sabotage from within.

My cheap Monoprice tablet was slowly trying to kill Drack, and I didn’t know it at the time. Every third time I brought my pen down it would gain a life of its own and make a slough of unnecessary marks that I’d CTRL+Z into oblivion. This was quickly wearing on me, to the point that the project felt like a burden. I would often go for hours using my mouse, because I knew it wouldn’t make random marks. At the time I didn’t realize how bad it was, but thankfully my wonderful significant other made note of my obscene outbursts in the next room. She convinced me to “buy a damn tablet that works already”. I think she just wanted me to stop complaining. When my Wacom Intuos Pro arrived, it was like night and day. I could feel that I was on the home stretch.

OK, back to the art stuff.

I kept adding more and more detail, trying to keep a balanced hand around the entire piece. I didn’t want to lose sight of the overall composition and it was VERY tempting to add nonstop detail the jaw or a horn for an hour. The more finely tuned nicks and scratches that Drack gained the more realistic he looked and I decided to try and add a layer of these black/grey details on each section of him to keep progress balanced. The only difficulty I ran into is that I wanted to add too much detail. I decided to add “groupings” of detail, something I read in the @creaturebox artbook: Shred. This would give the impression of texture without overloading him. Not only that, I had invested a lot of detail already and didn’t want to get burnt out.

Details aside I also realized from my ongoing freehand still life drawing that adding points of very strong contrast would make him pop, so I decided his eye, chin, front horn, and crease on the center of the crest would be good places to draw attention. I also tried to keep textures and details on the back of his neck, second row of horns, and lower neck less defined to try and keep attention on his face and crest. This is the point where I realized that some of my scale was off. I wasn’t quite happy with the nose placement and gave Drack a quick and dirty cut/rotate/warp nose job that took a while to blend away. There were other spacing issues with his mouth, the angle of the crest, and some of the cheek but I was already at the point of no return. I decided to keep him as is. Next time, I’ll be sure to add more contrast and shading earlier as well as look at a variety of reference pictures instead of 2 or 3.

Finishing touches

Highlights of white, light tan, and cool grey were the last layer I added in earnest. These increased the contrast and gave a nice simulation of light. I kept the opacity low and patiently added more brightness while zooming in and out constantly. I really didn’t want to mess things up at this point. The biggest problem I had was actually stopping myself. I kept adding detail to try and make it pixel perfect. I wanted to blend the color again and again until it looked just right. I couldn’t let go after putting so much work in. Two nights ago a gauntlet was thrown down, “you have two hours to finish this”.

No, I did not finish it in 2 hours but, at the 3 hour mark I was done. Giving a deadline to myself that other people knew about helped. I gave my finishing touches with more blending in places that looked flat and added a black line around the outside of areas that weren’t super bright. This seemed to make Drack pop out nicely against a lighter paper-like background that I decided on.

Thanks for sticking around and reading my first post like this. If people like it, I’ll gladly start doing more write ups.. It’s honestly really helpful for me to process what went right and what could have been better. 

So, to summarize my lessons learned.

Positive:

Sketching a very rough initial draft in blue made it feel temporary and flexible.

Adding a top “pen” layer to bring out shadows and corners was invaluable.

Experimenting with different methods of brushwork on the piece itself with the expectation that some would fail was very valuable.

Deciding high contrast points early was very helpful.

Investing in a quality tablet made the drawing process a breeze. I shouldn’t have let bad tech get in the way of my art and enjoyment.

Points of improvement:

I wish I added more prototype shading earlier to figure out if I had my proportions right.

It would have been better to have more reference pictures that I keep revisiting early in the drawing. Once I get too late into the coloring, there’s no going back.

Set hard deadlines that you tell people you trust about. This will encourage you to not dawdle and drag the project out.

Accept that it will never be perfect.