#also i’m just really fuckin tired
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sorry for dip in content!
lots has been happening recently and most of it has to do with it being near the end of my senior year. i’ll still be busy for a little while longer but I have 2 stories in the works that are mostly done!
so as kind of an apology for a lack of content, here’s two really vague snippets from my wips:
This one is for the Home Home au (Person this is the thing i’m writing for your ask i didn’t forget lol)
and this one is for the Store Shifter AU-
#also dsmp has been on a minor downslope hyperfixation wise cause of south park#still invested in it but i need to give it a minute so i can stop consuming only south park content#i need to let the obsession simmer down so i can enjoy it like a normal person lmao#also i’m just really fuckin tired#idk why i just am lol#anyway dsmp content is still being made i’m not dead and still very involved in the mcyt g/t community#especially with qsmp now which i need to catch up on#and now slutsmp like hello??#we’re getting mc content again i’m literally so happy#cyncerity#mcyt gt
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I don’t know how, but recently I started thinking about ye old early dsmp and L’Manburg and all that good stuff so here’s a doodle dump
I know some people really hate dsmp, or think it’s cringe, or whatever else. But it’s honestly what got me through most of the pandemic. Not to mention the mutuals I met on here through it!! So no matter what, it holds a little special place in my heart :]]
#I am really tired today#but the grind never stops (I love making and posting art :3)#maybe I show redraw some old things from 2020#I think I’ve improved a lot since then#so it would be pretty cool to see!!#anyways hope this isn’t too cringe for you guys#I may be cringe but I am free!!!!!!! motto for life!!!!!!!#dsmp#dsmp fanart#lmanburg#uhhhhh what are the fuckin tags again#c!tommy#<- would they still be like this??? idk I hope so#let me know if I’m wrong#c!tubbo#c!niki#Crab Doodles#also don’t mind how long it took me to actually search up niki to figure out her hair -_-#I’m just a little lazy sometimes but I figured it out in the end!!
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bath + asparagus time
#I did some cleaning and my day’s gotten slightly better#long story short I’ve had a fucking weekend lmfao#last Thursday I had a complete breakdown on my way home prompted by like the smallest comment u could think of#nevertheless it made me sob violently#like picture florence pugh in midsommar but more hysterical#on Friday I had a good day!! but it was fuckin busy man and I didn’t get around to#half of the stuff I needed to#Saturday was also busy and on the way home from work my car started SMOKING!!!! from under the hood#nothing was on fire but it freaked me the fuck out and I couldn’t get it to the mechanic until today so I had to find rides everywhere#and that was stressful#I only got like 3 or 4 hours of sleep Saturday night bc I had a (fun!!!) thing that went really late and then had to get up at 5 for work#on Sunday#so Sunday afternoon I got home and napped from 2-6pm and then just went to bed at 8 so I STILL didn’t get any shit done#and then this morning I opened again and I spent my sh#ift w people who are even newer at my job than I am so I was like training them/doing everything they couldn’t do yet and it was just#a weird day and my boss was acting weird and I didn’t like it at all#and then this afternoon I take my car to the mechanic FINALLY and he says the radiator’s busted and leaking coolant everywhere and also#one of the tires is fucked so we have to get them all replaced#and that’s gonna be several hundred dollars which is fine it’s all fine but I’m fucking tired#and when I got home there were still dishes to do😭😭😭#I need someone to baby me and clean my house#gawd#valkyrie talks
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sallies _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_
#edit: don’t read all this I went on a fucking rant#like seriously it’s incoherent musings on my silly meme post#sally’s weird. never know how to feel abt her#I know a few sallies actually. most emotionally intelligent kindest ppl I’ve ever met. supported me when shit went to fuck#but also?? the least aware motherfuckers I’ve ever had the misfortune of talking politics with#it’s like. they’ll support you emotionally physically whatever . in a way that fellow activists don’t#bc we’re all too fucking tired#but they can’t comprehend large scale events#they’re the type to like. go to war to comfort the dying but somehow view the war as a distraction from that#n I don’t know if that’s fine. if it’s reprehensible. if it’s a necessary service to those who DO fight#I’m not even calling them fairweather really. bc they’ll stick around. just in a different sort of way#part of me hates them n part of me admires that they stay anyway. misguided as they might be#bc personal kindness is radical too in a way#but at the same time… is it enough. is anything ever enough#I don’t know which part wins. depends on the day I guess#I know a few sallies. I’m even friends with a couple. n I have no idea how to feel abt that#sorry for the musings I’m just really fuckin. in the shitter rn abt apathy towards genocide#n naturally that’s leading me back to this show. again#real tags time I guess#sanders art tag#cabaret#musical theatre#sally bowles#this is. jane horrocks sally :)
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tryna do the math on whether weed has started giving me headaches, or it’s just the specific strains i’ve been using, or if i’m just getting headaches a lot for unrelated reasons and they kick in around the time i smoke
#there’s a few reasons why i’d just be getting headaches like that so like maybe#but also i feel like they’ve been kicking in only when i take a few hits#or take an edible . and i’m doing small fuckin doses of those BECAUSE i thought maybe they were causing the headaches#i used to thrive on like 50mg and now i get horribly nauseous at 40 and maybe possibly headaches from just 10?????#i’m using a Variety of strains as i always have so i really don’t think it’s specific shit#but also why would weed just start doing that to me#idk idk i’m just so tired of the headaches bro
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so this happened last night
#I’m so good at Pokémon bro#I kid you not. I was speechless.#didn’t even say a word until my brain fully processed it#it was late o’clock#I wasn’t really that tired but more just worn tf out#sometimes I run around aimlessly in pokemon#hoping that something like THIS would happen#well whudduya fuckin know#gonna try to get into the habit of recording my shiny encounter footage#I should also probably get into the habit of saving before encountering if at all possible#needless to say I am EXCEPTIONALLY happy with this being my first gen 9 Pokemon to get shiny#capsakid#shiny pokemon#pokémon scarlet and violet#Pokémon scarlet#Pokémon violet#pokémon scarvio
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maybe i’m just being a Bitch about it but like … is anyone sad at how lesbian is mainly used as an umbrella term? like. we don’t even really have our own term
#lesbian#mine#text#like. i honestly don’t really care that gay and lesbian are used as umbrella terms. i’m just#thinking in the sense of like. we don’t even have our own term that encapsulates our experiences#specifically#and i GET sexuality and lesbianism can’t be fit in a simple box. but we all have that one thing in common. yknow?#i also get that we’re meant to be a community. but sometimes it’s nice to have that. Label. yknow?#and that often erases the use of the word bisexual. but i can’t really speak on that bc i wouldn’t understand personally#but it’s just …. idk fnsjfjd i get it doesn’t fuckin matter in the real world but gosh ……..#being a lesbian can be so ….. alienating. idk#and i don’t really like talking abt shit like this. let alone publícly. but. yeah#to end on a nice note. saw a comedy act tonight and i really liked it :]#got me thinking abt stuff fnsjfnd she’s made a bunch of comments abt being queer and being asian and stuff#sorry if this makes me seem bitchy. i’m just. tired#there’s inherently so much dumb fucking discourse around our identity and. gosh. augh#it’s TIRING#my thoughts#[emma mountebank voice] ok :) i’m done#misc tag
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God can the Dragon Age fandom just pick a fucking tag for their wank posts
How many stupid things do I have to filter to stop seeing people bitching about a game they’re not even playing
#some of them ARE playing it and have valid critiques I just don’t wanna see em#but some of y’all are real FUCKIN annoying and I can’t believe I have to block like 6 tags just to stop seeing it#just bc it doesn’t have the continuity you WANTED doesn’t mean it’s ‘shitty writing’#and I’m so tired of people acting like people who like it are jusr ‘accepting anything’#it has great gameplay really compelling story missions and loveable NPCs#and a lot of those positive reviews are genuine#you can disagree without being a self-righteous prick about it#i’m not tagging this bc I’m just venting I don’t actually wanna hear from anyone#i just wanna be able to enjoy the game with other people who also enjoy the game#jfc
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#depression? out. anxious hypo mania? in.#we’re FEELING IT NOW MR KRABS#On the bright side I drew art tonight#on the downside#I feel like everyone hates me and that they all think I’m weird#which like 1) I am weird lmao but they don’t hate me for that 2) they don’t hate me at all#3) they’re fuckin weird too but I love them for it#but also my ass doesn’t know how to handle any of it and I’m freaking out over things that really shouldn’t be freaked out over#i’m so tired#I wish it would all just even out and I could have the good without the bad#or at least control it better#idk man I just work in here but I feel like a fucking failure and a shit communicator#ah well. they’ll either leave or they won’t. at least the election doesn’t feel real!
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Don’t apologize, Alphonze, it was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. You were being invaded by an irritating, potentially harmful entity. Of course you wanted her gone.
I mean she could’ve been annoying to you but to me she was fine. I was just confused at most towards her
#also she is comin’ back she’s not ‘gone’#I’m gettin’ really tired of apologizin’ but I don’t know what else to do#everyone’s fuckin’ mad at me#just role(play) with it#askers
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being able to sleep perfectly while i was away, and now i’m home, i can’t sleep, what cruel irony
#bc usually it’s the other way around#tho tbh i’ve mostly only slept away from home in the hospital the past couple years#and hospitals are really hard to sleep in bc it’s so noisy and they want to take your fuckin blood pressure every five seconds#also i felt like shit there was also that#so i just wouldn’t sleep properly#and i’d go home and just sleep finally#i’m weird with sleeping away from home is my point#the first night in hospital was really scary bc i’d just gone through trauma and i was all alone and surrounded by strangers and i was#terrified of the thing™️ happening again#but obviously a holiday is different so i guess it makes sense#and i was out all day etc#so i’d be tired no matter what#but you’d think i’d be able to sleep better in familiar surroundings currently but ehhh guess not 🤷🏻♀️#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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Twas another unproductive day but surely tomorrow will be different! Right 😀😅😅
#I need to finish this fic bc I am so SICK OF IT ‼️#light-hearted but also. not really that much. I want it DONE#so tired of thinking about these specific charactwrs I need horrible teenage Grant back. save me Grant Wilson#anyway I just wanna finish it bc I am SO close to done you guys don’t even know#and I’ve gotten some very sweet comments so far so people like it and obviously I don’t want to abandon it#but I am sooooo done with post-canon S2 stuff#all of my fics have been about the teens since like February. please. I need to write other things#well I have been writing other things but they haven’t been like. my MAIN thing#anyway. sorry for the ramble jdhwhdh#goodnight!#chalcy stuff#ACTUALLY EDIT I’M NOT DONE#I think the main yhing is like. it was fun to write self-indulgent shippy domestic cutesy stuff for a while#but it’s not fulfilling (TO ME) bc I feel like I can write more compelling stuff#it’s still fuckin fanfic at the end of the day lol but you know what I mean
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the more you harass me about doing something the more stubborn i am about doing it.
i said i’d do it, i will do it. as soon as i’m capable.
no i don’t like what i’m doing either and am actively trying to be better. just fuckin hear me when i say i’m trying
#sprenposting#i struggle to read books in my old age#i FUCK UP audiobooks but#sitting down and reading words on a page or my phone or an ereader#just starts givin me panic attacks#i read 4-8 books a day until i dropped out of high school#and now i just instantly get stuck in that panicky dissociation from everything#that saved me as a kid but now i can’t fucking read#i promised a friend i’d read their book#and another friend is read some of their short stories#but i haven’t gotten past chapter three in my first friends book in the last two years#and the other friend is asking me if i’ve read it every few days#and like no..i haven’t. i haven’t even read more than a couple chapters of the space lesbian necromancer book i’m really excited about#and i know it’s important to them that i read it#and i deeply want to#but i want to enjoy it#i want to be in a place where i’m not hyperventilating and trying to mask and tell them how great it is#just..i’m just so tired#and i’m also so fuckin busy#got a full time job;doordash on the side;two partners i already feel like i don’t pay enough attention to; and a fairly large social group
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Having mixed feelings about cadavers
#tw death#——————#morbid curiosity vs inherent discomfort and literally inherited fear of death. hm#context: my job rn is in the medical industry and we have a cadaver lab! very useful! very cool!#we did a cadaver lab earlier today! lovely 92 yr old donor who had terrible bone quality#I keep feeling like I can smell cadaver scent around me (in my room) and I can’t tell if it’s brain bullshit or actually there (most likely#bullshit) it’s like fuckin Macbeth or something#cadavers smell like… the grocery raw meat aisle but something is Horribly Wrong. not like rotten but just Wrong.#I also just get weird about lingering scents in general so#idk I’m too tired to have full thoughts but it’s causing Brainweird#void.txt#at the same time it’s really cool and I like seeing the different parts!
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like it’s great that they were able to go all out with them being gay like that with what looked like very little censorship but it’s also like 🧍 figures you’d do it with the historically theorized ace character
aspec/aroace doctor truthers how are we doing tonight
#tag vent#?#i know there’s also been gay stuff w/ the master and all that#it’s just like. god can we get a single fuckin aspec character#i think i’m just tired#it wasn’t even really a bad episode i’m just. yeah.#i did like rogue’s character and hope he comes back#it was just so fast and. y’know#it’s making me feel like i shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up#when like. obviously this was where they were going#with the doctor calling every man he sees hot#not literally but like. every episode it was very obvious#ig at the core i just wish there was more representation#i forget that aspec rep isn’t the rep that people think to include#everyone is so happy the doctor is gay! yay the doctor is canonically queer!#but they would not be making a fuss if there was an aspec angle#idk. idk idk idk.#this is definitely a larger issue and i’m fixating but. man.#ramblings#think the disconnect is from rep in general bc it doesn’t seem like many others care that much#i also feel like i’m gaslighting myself on the history but like. IM NOT. RIGHT???#doctor who spoilers#idk how to react anymore dhsjjd like. idk idk idk#does this make any sense
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I’m emotional about Emi today
#yakuza#judgment#she speaks#I watched her cutscenes for gifs and now I’m just thinking about her#also my fucking camera roll is a nightmare lmfao#I make gifs on my phone because I’m a crazy person#so it’s just like 100 three to six second videos of kimura lmfao#I’m a dirty cheater I just cut videos and put them in a gif maker website I’m sorry I know I’m garbage#that’s why my gifs aren’t that great tho so now y’all know my secret#not that it was ever a secret I’ve said it before lmao#anyway feel free to cancel me I’m still emo about Emi-chan tho#I’m taking a break from work and I really want a nap I’m so fucking tired#I might take the weekend off and just fuckin sleep
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