#being a lesbian can be so ….. alienating. idk

[funnycreatortimetravel]

So the Madoka Magica movie is coming out and there's a lot of speculation about how it's going to end (or rather, be the start of a new series of movies/a show? Idk, it was extremely vague.)

And while I love the idea of Homura and Madoka ending up together because they both deserve some happiness, I can't help but feel like the best ending for Homura at this point is letting Madoka go so she can become a healthy adult (which, let's be real, that's not possible in this world.)

And by "letting go," I don't mean cutting contact or abandoning her, I mean they can still be friends while Homura can become a person who sees herself worthy of living with or without Madoka. Because as much as I love my favorite tragic lesbians, Homura isn't her own person in the relationship with Madoka.

Like, Madoka has a loving family, loving friends, and people cheering her on. And even if she doesn't believe she's good enough to do anything, she still objectively has things going for her, a safety net if you will. And she still has a goal in mind that doesn't involve one specific person, but rather she wants to become someone that people can depend on/wants to help other people (regardless if this is at the cost of herself.) I'm not saying it's a good or even a healthy goal but with some tweaks, I could see the goal becoming something she could work toward as a means of personal growth and not just because she thinks she's useless.

Meanwhile, Homura doesn't even have parents as far as we're concerned.

The only ties she has that we're told about are the catholic school she attended and the hospital she pretty much lives in. No friends, no family, and no aspirations of her own. And because of her circumstances, she really wouldn't be able to. It's no fault of her own. I get why, then, she attaches herself to someone like Madoka. I'm sure ANYONE would attach themselves to Madoka if they were in the position Homura was in.

And then that starts the obsession. A long, tiring journey in which this poor girl sacrifices her mental health, her youth, countless years spent trying to save this doom girl and her doomed friends while she herself is also doomed. She's pretty much made herself Madoka's sole protector while also not allowing herself to even do or enjoy the one thing she wanted in the first place; being Madoka's friend.

It's all but confirmed that Homura hates everything about herself as seen in her backstory and rebellion when she was destroying her labyrinth. Her saving Madoka is the one good thing she thinks she's associated with, so much so that she's OK with dying either to protect Madoka or in a world without her.

Like, the concept of one person being the only reason you continue existing is so unhealthy (note that I'm not saying their relationship itself is, it's just her mindset.) I completely understand wanting to help your friend you know...not die a terrible death, but Homura doesn't think she has anything going for her outside of protecting someone else and that's such a sad thought to me. She thinks of all her past friends as enemies now, and she alienated herself from everyone. She thinks, now, that it's her versus Kyubey, the other magical girls, and Madoka herself. The girl is borderline, if not entirely, suicidal.

I'm hoping so badly that in the next movie, this is the start of healing for Homura (though it probably won't be because Mr. Uro loves his sad/bitter-sweet endings.) I hope this is the start where she's able to piece together who she is outside of wanting Madoka, who she could've been had Kyubey not manipulated her and the other girls into making contracts, had her parents not died, had her body not been as fragile as it was, had her confidence been strong, had she felt she was good enough to befriend and get close to other people without fearing her hurting them or them hurting her.

Sayaka was able to let the bitterness of not being with Kyosuke go, accepting that even though she wanted him, she couldn't be with him and even if she was, she never would've been happy. She was able to realize the flaws in her "ideal magical girl" concept and accept the fact that she's just one person and even though she's not perfect and didn't get the thing she wanted, she's still able to be a hero in her own right in the company of people who actually love and support her because she's Sayaka Miki, not because she's a heroic magical girl.

Mami was able to be honest with herself, similar to Sayaka, that she's not a perfect person, that the perfect magical girl illusion was never her. She's able to admit to herself that she was inherently selfish that all she wanted was friends and family, and that there's nothing wrong with that. She doesn't have to keep up the pressures of being perfect and mature and all-knowing because, at the end of the day, she is still that little girl who almost died in a car crash that claimed her parents' lives, and she has to live with the fact that she didn't and wasn't able to save them even when she had the chance to. And she's able to come to terms with the fact that though she was alone, she didn't have to be lonely. She's able to realize that it's not too late for her and she can make her own family that will stick around with her, flaws and all. And she can be a good role model for her little sister surrogate and also orphan Nagisa, but this time, she can be a realistic big sister rather than an idealistic one.

Kyoko can move past the pain of her family's demise, and unlike Mami, feels as though she is directly responsible for it. She was a naive kid who only wanted the best for her family and yet, by doing the "right thing" her father goes on a massive suicide-homicide rampage and she's left to think that her naivety, that her wanting to do the right thing, was what killed them. But no, it wasn't. It's ok to have hope and to have the desire to help others and do the right thing. While the actions of the wish were undesirable, it didn't change the fact that Kyoko's heart was in the right place and that she could continue to try to help others without fear of it coming back to haunt her. She can let the tense guard she's had up since her family's death and enjoy the little things in life she never got to when she was too poor; food, drink, comfort, and having others around that care about you. While she thought that it was her wish and her misunderstanding of what her father wanted that ultimately killed her family, it's the same desire and intentions that push her to save Sayaka and befriend her and the other girls later on.

Now Madoka is an interesting case because she, like Homura, is sort of trapped in being who they were before they gained powers.

Now that Madoka is essentially back to where she started (unlike everyone else who at least has something/someone in their lives now in Rebellion compared to the OG series where they were missing those intimate connections) again,

she's left to feel like she's missing a key part of herself (only in the OG series, she was missing the confidence she had the in OG timeline as a magical girl whereas, in Rebellion, she's literally the missing part of the Law of Cycles) and you're left to wonder if she'll be satisfied, or will she challenge this new world that seems too good to be true, a world that was made just for her and only her?

And Homura?

Poor Homura.

Being an orphan and having no one, not even doctors or nurses it looks like, be close to you? Being unable to live comfortably due to a physical condition you had no say in? Having to be behind because of said physical condition and then having an inferiority complex WHILE teachers belittle you for things out of your control? So then you consider yourself a burden and truly believe only death and loneliness await you? AND YOU’RE ONLY 14???

And then you think you've met this amazing person, this girl who thinks you're interesting and cool with no ulterior notices, a girl with amazing powers that are as wonderful as her only to have the rug pulled under you and realize that the cost of those powers and your protection is her's and others like her inevitable demise.

So then you attempt to right that wrong because even further than your want to save your friends, you know the system that they're in is objectively terrible and needs to be torn down.

But then you try to warn said friends about the system and all they do is belittle you and admit they're comfortable in something that's designed to kill them before they turn twenty, and when (or even if) they're finally aware of the system and the terrible reality of it, they STILL blame you for not telling them sooner even though you tried your damn hardest? Or even worse, try to KILL you after they find out for themselves?

And then top that off with an oppressive alien race trying to control you and pretty much end your life prematurely or turn you into an immortal Lovecraftian Paper mache creature that looks like it was created by five-year-olds should you fall into despair at the hands of this default depressive system and you'll have to remain like that, killing and trapping people while you have no memories of your life as a human and have to live as an animal of pure instinct and evilnesses until some unknowing other magical girl puts you out of your misery, and the cycle will rise and repeat eternally.

Then not to mention other magical girls who try to "game the system" (which only leads to them dying/witching out even earlier, indirectly harming the girl you're trying to protect) or even worse, the girls see you as competition because they're insecure/power hungry instead of joining you in taking down the system set up so where death is an inevitable thing regardless, indirectly siding with the species that are literally killing them slowly but surely (and yet you're somehow still the problem in their eyes.) And then to add the shit sprinkles to this shit show of life, you have to battle this biblically accurate German clown of a witch that's a bunch of witched-out magical girls mashed together like a Cthulu-esque Ren and Stimpy-type creation (that's also pretty much invincible to everything that you and all of the nukes and missiles you store in a tiny, rinky-dink space-time shield you were pretty much cursed with while everyone else gets a built-in weapon.)

Not to mention the PTSD of having everyone and everything around you die and crumple to bits for 12 years over and over again, failing at every turn to complete the only goal you have for yourself (which isn't even for you, it's just saving another person because you believe you're extensible at that point) and at every twist and turn, you're beaten, bruised, belittled, scared, tired, pushed to the brink and all alone with no one to depend on because you're the ONLY one who can and will remember anything once you have to go back in time.

And then you learn the more you go back in time, the more fate and karma you're attaching to this girl which makes the aliens target her even more because of the level of potential she has. And even worse, you find out that the girl you've been fighting so hard to protect is now an entirely different person, lacking the confidence and outgoingness that made you fall in love in the first place, her desire to become a confident magical girl being unfulfilled because of you.

But you have to play the smaller evil. You have to deter her from making a wish, even if it means inadvertently scaring her away from the idea, even if it means being cold and calculated and harsh because she won't listen otherwise.

You have to crush that confidence because that desire will only lead to her death, but she can't know that because well, you still want her to trust you.

But because you've been trying so hard to scare her away from the idea of becoming a magical girl, she ends up becoming scared anyway and distancing herself from you, meaning you don't even have the comfort of knowing you two are friends anymore.

And even still, all of the other magical girls, including her, always end up dead or turning into witches no matter what you do, leaving you to fight the final boss witch alone and failing every single time because it's just too powerful.

But you can't stop. No matter what, you can't stop. Because stopping means death for you, the girl you love, and the entire world, whether it be because of Walpurgis or Madoka's witch which is only so powerful because of you and your time-traveling shenanigans.

So you do another timeline, and things go wrong like they have for the past 100 timelines so you're just numb to it now, and while you're fighting the boss witch, you get critically injured. And now armed with the knowledge that you'd just be putting an even bigger target on your friend's back, you resolve that your efforts were all in vain and useless and decide to just let yourself witch out because you have no other choice.

Only, you're interrupted by your friend, who's finally ready to put her fears aside and make a wish.

Your biggest fear is coming true and you're powerless to stop it.

So she makes her wish and becomes a magical girl Jesus pretty much and restores hope to every magical girl.

Every magical girl except for you.

She says your efforts are the reason why she was able to make such a powerful wish and thanks you for your service, as if you're an old veteran about to retire, and then she ejects you to a remade world, a world without her.

And you're doomed to fight in this world, the world she gave her life to protect, a world in which only you remember her. You don't let yourself become too close to the other magical girls for fear of losing that connection once the Law of Cycles takes them away.

So you're doomed, essentially. The one thing you've fought to protect is gone forever and there's no one but you left to grieve for her, and you start an endless fight against the new evil creatures in place of witches until you're about to disappear yourself.

But you don't even have the comfort of peaceful passing on because AHA!, that evil alien race wants to you use as a sadistic experiment to inflict suffering on you and the other magical girls while controlling the one saving grace you all had, to restart the terrible system you were trying to run away from in the original world.

So they place you in this fake simulation of happiness and fun and magical girl transformations all for the sake of controlling you and the girl you fought for and thought was safe.

So you take matters into your own hands and resign to destroy the labyrinth, even if it means your death, hoping the other magical girls put you out of your misery once and for all.

But if you die, then who would be left to protect that girl you love so much?

So you take matters into your own hands and override her power, creating an idealized world in which everyone can be happy at the cost of making all of your past friends your enemies later.

Even the girl you love and gave your life for time and time again.

All for the sake of keeping her safe once more from not only herself since you pulled a piece of her from the Law of Cycles, but also those terrible aliens who can only think about themselves and their sick curiosity.

I so badly want a happy ending for Homura, and I'm so hoping that that happy ending is one without magic or Karmaic fate or the weight of 26 years of repeated time travel or having to save her girlfriend from a terrible demise or dooming herself to magical Jesus type limbo for eternity all while she's the only one who can remember.

Outside of Madoka, what does Homura enjoy now in Rebellion? What were her dreams, if she had any? Her aspirations? What was her childhood like (even though we know it was lonely) was there anything in her life that even remotely made her feel that living was worth it?

If and when she becomes an adult, what will she be like? What career what she want to pursue? What interests her? What does she want the most for herself? Power? Fame? Company? Comfort?

And will it even be possible for her to enjoy anything outside of Madoka so long as she attaches her self worth to this one, ordinary girl?

Will she succeed in protecting her at the cost of herself? At the cost of anyone else excluding the kyubey?

Will she give up ultimate control over the world, or will she double down; ok with challenging her friends-turned-enemies all for the sake of her love?

And if so, will she succeed as Madoka's sole, eternal protector forevermore, or she be dethroned and killed, left to rot in a labyrinth of her self-hatred and mistakes? (God, I hope not.)

Or...will she finally be saved and released from the shackles of fate, time, and space so she can live her life as a normal girl, a life she wasn't granted even before she made her wish?

My excitement for this movie is beyond real.

[unb1nding-t-b0y]

Transphobia/ micro aggression idk story cuz I see a lot of posts talking about transandrophobia but not as many stories about experiencing it. (Maybe it's just my Tumblr algorithm but regardless posting will hopefully help that too)

Anyways I'm 21 recently started transitioning and I've been performing at a drag place for a little bit. This elder queen (I don't even remember her name I think she was trans but with drag queens that have spent their lives In Drag it can be difficult to tell even when you hear them talk about themselves because many of these people kinda use male and female names pronouns etc interchangeably etc. I'll use she -her pronouns in the story because I'd rather not accidentally misgender a trans women and ik she doesn't care about being she/hered even if she is a cis gay) Anyways she asks bout me and I tell her my name, pronouns, and identity as one does in queer spaces. Upon hearing I was a trans masc she immediately feels the need to tell me the story of the time she *gasp* almost slept with a trans man. The story goes like this.

Shes at a drag night in some bar and a drag king approaches her and they hit it off. Shes into him and vice versa. They ditch the bar and make out in a car somewhere and when it's getting hot and heavy the dude pulls his strap out and tells her he wants to fuck her. All standard shit. But she goes on and on about how surprised and disgusted she was at both the fact that she's been fooling round with a "woman" and how off-putting it was to even suggest a BOTTOM get fucked with a dildo. She picks up. A. Drag. King. And gets surprised when he's trans. If a lesbian went to a drag night and picked up a trans woman and reacted in the same way people would call her an idiot for not bothering to have the critical thinking skills to consider that maybe that person performing gender up there is performing a different gender than they were assigned at birth. (Side note if you're gonna pick someone up without knowing anything about them you can't be mad about surprises. I swing both ways so a surprise is just fine for me but if you have a severe genital preference maybe fucking ask people before you're making out with them and wanting to fuck. Sorry you hate dildos but you should have checked, and honestly even if it's a cis dude you should at least try to verify that they get tested + use protection etc

Unfortunately the majority of drag kings I've run into have been CIS men. The place I'm in is very supportive and kind to cis men doing bare minimum performances (no choreography, no makeup, usually the dude just takes his shirt off at some point and that alone is enough to be praiseworthy. Or he wears a suit stands around and barely lip-syncs ) whereas drag kings that aren't cis or arent men are more often than not treated as outsiders.

The story also cemented what I was afraid of that ultimately I was viewed as an invader of the space. That for some reason cis queens and cis kings are more acceptable in a space that was pioneered by trans women and drag queens. The trans drag shows Ive gone to haven't had any trans men in them unless they are open call. It's hurtful it's alienating and it's frustrating. I AM STILL TRANS. IF YOUR TRANS INCLUSIVE SPACE ISNT INCLUSIVE OF ME ITS NOT INCLUSIVE. It's frustrating that as a trans man when I enter "trans friendly gay bars" I'm often treated like an annoying presence getting in the way of everyone else's dicks only zone. Sorry I don't have a cock but that shouldn't be a requirement to occupy these spaces and you can't call yourself trans inclusive when you really mean just cis gays and trans girls. At the time I couldn't really articulate how fucked up what she said was so I just kinda said some non offensive topic change and moved on but like most of the other queens ignored or avoided me and that moment I figured out why I always felt like the odd one out. Because I was.

[wolfertinger]

anon

i think its funny that anytime lesbians here talk about being lesbians, it's them putting their foot down and telling salem to get the fuck out lol. i dont think ive seen any yet that give salem the grace of "but i do like seeing his depiction (of us)." ironically though i dont think hed demonize lesbians in the way he does other groups.

i think its because he cant characterize lesbians as a whole in the way he usually does other groups. he cant talk about alienation and being treated poorly for being the modern coming of queer christ because hes a man and we dont want him here anyway. he still likes drawing lesbians though so he occasionally gets on his soapbox about lesbian issues and then deletes after a few hours

kind of glad for that. i think it would be insufferable if he doubled down on being the true lesbian depicter when theres so many actual sapphic artists drawing lesbians. i dont mind men drawing lesbians (hot take, i think its great actually) but those who know for certain they are men and reiterate it need to be aware that they are not a part of the space they are depicting.

i think salem knows this, which is why he tiptoes so hard around the topics. but hes tiptoeing instead of treating it with care. thats how you get the stud comment, the dyke shirt, the transbian on cisbian or enbian comment, the disconnect between his art of lesbians and saying hes going against society/the male gaze in his art, you get the picture. its very obvious he likes the idea of lesbianism a lot and wants to be buddy-buddy in the community as a token man.

but he can get really fucking weird about it jesus christ. he wants to use lesbian terms as a man who enjoys presenting feminine. lesbians are not inherently feminine, we are not an aesthetic to be adopted. and we arent a thing to get off to. im still shocked he had the gall to post the transbian on cisbian or enbian comment. considering his history with trans depictions/surgeries, this is just "i want sex between a lesbian with a dick and a lesbian with a vagina" which feels especially weird by denoting lesbians as their genitals. not even mentioning the grouping of "cisbians" and "enbians" like all "enbians" have vaginas? if you have a genitalia matchup preference then say it outright instead of painting it over with ~queer terms~

idk. his lesbian art in a vacuum is fine i guess, talking strictly about sexuality and not gender (which feels able to be separated in his art, as to my knowledge he hasnt depicted any characters where being a lesbian ties into their gender identity). its the shit he says makes it worse

^

[genderkoolaid]

is it weird to feel like i was still treated/classed as a faggot before even knowing i was a boy (i'm transmasc)? i was never called a dyke or derisively called a lesbian or any of that. but i was a tomboy, always was. and i was always heavily derided for crying or "being a crybaby," derided by boy and tomboy friends if i ever liked any Girly Things with comments like "that's so gay (derogatory)", and being masculine but still interested in boys was regarded as this weird and disgusting thing. it's like being a tomboy and, for at least for a part of my life that being accepted, i had this expectation of masculinity placed on me that led to me being castigated by my peers for stepping outside it.

there were still expectations placed on me for "being a girl" and i was punished for not doing that correctly and i experienced heaps of misogyny, but there are so many instances in my life where i was specifically punished for being a tomboy who wasn't masculine in the right way but instead in a gay way. i never felt targeted by anti-lesbian sentiment but always felt very heavily targeted by anti-gay man sentiment. but despite desiring my whole life to be a boy i didn't truly know and accept that i was one until i was 18 and didn't start living as a man until i was 20

idk man my experience with gender growing up was always so weird and confusing and people's assumptions about what i Must Have Experienced based on agab and identity are always incorrect and it's just so incredibly alienating.

I've heard things very similar to this from a lot of trans(+) people. I myself have been out since I was very young and spent the majority of my life openly (gender)queer which definitely shaped how I experienced gender socialization.

This is the problem with using socialization as a Gender Binary 2: Its Inclusive Now! While there are broad trends, people can have such wildly different relationships with gender. Some trans people have always felt targeted based on their assigned sex, some people have always felt targeted based on their gender identity, some people have felt both.

The thing about the patriarchy is that it's a liar and you should never trust anything it says. The patriarchy claims to be a strict gendersex binary for control purposes, but it also must grapple with the existence of queers (gays, trannys, intersex folks) whose existence proves that what it claims to be natural is constructed. Because the ways in which misogyny and transphobia actually function are not tied down by any logic other than "stay in control." Demonizing queer&trans+ people for being "monstrous" for blurring the boundaries between (cishet) men and (cishet) women is like, alongside misogyny, a core part of how gender oppression works. Whenever people expect us to have the exact same experiences as cis people, whether based on gender identity or agab or socialization, they are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

[the-lark-ascending69]

I'm sorry but I have a very real problem with Vickie as a character. A fan-favorite character is revealed to be queer in the previous season and gets a love interest shaped appendix with no plot relevance or personality, created only to be Robin's trophy girlfriend, in a way that is so painfully and obviously different from how they did it when they tried to make a new character entirely to give her a love story with an already existing main character.

I'm talking about Robin herself, and how, despite not having the deepest character arc in S3, she still had some meat on her bones. She still had some stuff to work with. She was actually important and involved with the plot and had real chemistry with her would-be love interest, Steve. Making her a lesbian at last second pretty much saved both her and Steve's characters and made the Scoops subplot, the only redeemable subplot of S3, actually salvageable. By recontextualizing Stobin with that revelation, you go from a forced, heteronormative/amatonormative "love story" with mysoginistic undertones (because what are frmale characters if not trophy wives for male characters!) and 1) you give Robin actual stuff in her life that has nothing to do with Steve, turning her into a real character on her own, yet also shows why their friendship is so valuable to her, giving her a mini-arc in the process about overcoming isolation, alienation and loneliness, and 2) you wrap up Steve's arc the way his character clearly needs to be wrapped up - by moving on from his immature pursuits of women as romantic/sexual fulfillment and his highschool persona constructed on that, and embracing maturity by working on himself with the help of the people who challenge him the most, his platonic bonds (Dustin and Robin). Like I'm being 100% serious when I say making Robin a lesbian somewhat saved season 3.

But you can tell the brilliance of that move did NOT come from the Duffers' mastermind because they couldn't even attempt to replicate their unexpected success with Robin and Vickie. Because even before Robin was made into a lesbian, she still had SOMETHING. Vickie has nothing. She's a non-character. And it's interesting to note the difference in treatment when it comes to straight male characters vs. queer female characters. You can make the case that Max's introduction in S2 followed a similar pattern to beta!Stobin - new character paired up with pre-existing character. But you wouldn't say Max was added just to give Lucas a girlfriend, because even if her plot relevance in S2 was rather lackluster, she still had... so much more than even Robin in S3, and she's simply uncomparable to Vickie. She feels like her own person right from the start. We know the Duffers like to add wayy to many characters, making the show feel crowded and inevitably leaving a few characters behind, but when they add new characters in a given season, they're actually pretty good at making us fall in love with them quickly. Max, Robin, Eddie, hell even Billy if you're into that - like I said before, there's always some work that goes into them that makes you care about them.

Sure, there are less important characters that don't get half the effort put into them - Heather, Benny, idk, Barb's parents? And many others I can't remember right now. Not every character needs to be a fan-favorite.

But none of these guys were a main character's love interest. Not even for like, a second-row main character like Robin. Lucas gets a girl and she gets proper character development. Steve was originally intended to get a girl and she gets plot relevance, screentime and charisma (and a bit of character development pre-coming out too). Robin gets a girl and... it seems like Robin and her girl don't matter that much.

Which makes me question, why give Robin a love interest at all if they weren't going to do anything about it. My guess is that, well, she's a lesbian, so of course she gets to kiss girls. Character arc? What is that? Just watch her gush over a girl without last name and not care about anything else for most of the season. The writers just didn't know what to do with her now that she's no longer gonna be Steve's trophy girlfriend. Just throw in a poorly put together gay subplot, because everyone knows gay people only get to kiss other gay people and there's nothing else about the lesbian experience worth talking about (like, idk, the loneliness? The alienation?). I'm of the belief that, if you're gonna half-ass it, don't write a romantic subplot at all, regardless of the characters' genders and sexuality. But what bothers me isn't a shitty romantic subplot. It's the difference in treatment that the queer characters get vs. their straight counterparts.

And it bothers me because it could have been fixed SO easily! You get three options:

Give Robin a character arc that's not a romantic subplot. That doesn't mean she doesn't get to have a crush, but it should be in the background. My idea would be to make it about her, Nancy and Barb, and their old friendship + Robin's sense of alienation. Robin learning the truth about Barb's death, and her and Nancy helping each other heal. Robin and Nancy becoming friends through long conversations about their feelings, through which Nancy gets a sort of "second chance" at having a friend again and Robin gets to connect with someone who initially hated her in her own special way. The point is to not make r0vickie obviously endgame, EVEN if it turns out to be that way next season, because if it's obviously endgame it suddenly begs for a deeper development and the lack of it becomes a problem. An easy solution would be to give Robin multiple crushes, to signal at how unserious they all are at the moment.

Give Robin a love story with a newly introduced main character. And the obvious option is *rolls drums" genderbent Eddie! Or Vickie in Eddie's place. Best and easiest solution imo. It may sound weird but if you think about it, it all makes sense - plot relevance, character development... only problem would be killing your gays if you squint, though Robin would be alive and ready for a new character arc next season, as a changed person. Sad, angry, possibly seeking revenge and seeking to assert herself as a threat after hiding and running her entire life. Robin's feelings are suddenly plot relevant now. I'm picking Eddie here (or rather, his role) because he's the most important one out if all the new S4 characters, and the one that spends time with the group the most. It's clean, minimalistic and practical.

Give Robin a love story with a pre-existing main character, i.e Nancy. As a ronance shipper, I maintain that pairing up Nancy and Robin would have been original and unexpected in the best way. I feel like I don't even need to explain why this would have been a good idea - tons of people already have. Mostly, I want to lament the impossibility of this option, which links directly to the point I'm trying to make.

Robin was never going to be paired with a main-main character, old or new, because queer relationships on-screen need to be pushed to the sides as to not interfere with or threaten the straight main characters. Nancy, as the main girl, was never going to get a romance with a girl. Vickie was never going to get the centrality that Eddie got. Straight relationships get to be taken seriously, even if they're writen stupidly, like whatever the fuck happened with stancy and jancy in S4. Queer relationships don't get to be more than silly forgettable subplots. Queer characters like Robin need to be inobtrusive. She could never fall in love with Nancy, even if one-sided-ly, because that would create a conflict straight audiences don't want to see.

And if a queer character DOES fall in love with a main straight character, like Will, it's all meant for pointless suffering. Not the kind of suffering that's vital for a character arc, or the kind that gives depth to a character. It's not a kind of suffering that leads them to change, to take any given decisions that they wouldn't otherwise have taken. It's not a suffering that could possibly interfere with the straight main couple's happiness. It's not a pain that causes conflict. Queer love and pain doesn't get to be part of the conflict in straight-dominated stories. So Robin can never fall in love with someone from the front-row sphere and Will suffers pointlessly, even though that pain has no real effect on him.

[missinconsistent]

Long rant

Seen so many tweets about Till and Mizi, and whether Till really liked her or not based on some leaked statements from Vivinos' patreon. And it's annoying tf out of me because the discourse has so much unaddressed biphobia and misogny.

BIPHOBIA

People trying to twist words as "See, Till's feelings aren't real" when Vivinos said his crush on Mizi was "boyish" and "innocent" is so annoying. Whether his feelings are profound or superficial, a crush is a crush. Why are you so keen on invalidating Till's feelings toward Mizi? Why does it bother you so much that Till has a crush on Mizi when that's always been a big part of his character? Why is it so wrong that Till could be attraction to someone of the opposite gender? Bi and pan people exist.

Mizi could also be bisexual. Idk if it's ever been confirmed by Vivinos if Mizi likes only women, so correct me if I'm wrong. But sometimes I feel like the adamant "Mizi is lesbian so you shouldn't ship her with Till" is sometimes said to further invalidate Till's bisexuality and his interest in Mizi. It's like saying if Mizi is lesbian, then Till's crush is not "real," when that's not how it works even if Mizi does only like women.

I don't ship mizitill, and I do see Till's feelings as someone growing attached to an idol. But idk, I feel like the mizitill hate can come off as biphobic when it's harmless and it kinda makes sense why some would ship the two. The fact that mizitill is assumed to be a "straight/het ship" opposing mizisua or ivantill proves that some of yall don't think queer relationships can exist between people of the opposite gender.

MISOGNY

Another big reason why people want to invalidate Till's crush on Mizi is because it conviniently keeps Mizi out of the way from Till's story. The way some (ivantill) fans are so adamant about sidelining Mizi is so obviously because they do not like Mizi being the protagonist, nor her proximity to Till as if she's "obstacle" in their own interpretated narrative.

Final wasn't just about Till. It was also about Mizi. It wasn't just about Till's trauma revolving around Ivan's death. It wasn't just about Till's feelings towards Mizi. It was also about Mizi wanting to save her one and only remaining friend. It was also about her being happy to see him again just as much as he was to see her, only for that to be taken away. Both were taken away from each other; whether it be as friends, possible lovers, or an idol and her biggest supporter; either way, it was about Mizi just as much as it was about Till (if not more so). So it does reek of misogny when some fans only frame the narrative to be about Till and view Mizi as secondary or being in the way of it.

At the end of the day, if you really only care about Alien Stage fulfilling your favourite characters that you're crossing boundaries, twisting Vivinos' words, and harassing fans for their own interpretation, then please get a grip. You can ship who you like and engage with headcanons and fandom discourse, but please be mindful of what you say and know that Vivino is still a small creator who blew up in popularity suddenly. She has been going above and beyond making this series that is very different from anything she's made before. It's not appropriate to twist HER characters to fit what you want out them when 1) she leaves things open for interpretation; and 2) she has her own plan on the way they're written.

[requiemforthestars]

The whole Asari thing in Mass Effect where they canonically do not reproduce amongst themselves and to do so is a whole taboo has always been super uncomfortable to me as a lesbian and felt incredibly homophobic. Like wow, you're telling me this species, which you have coded as female/female-like (which you have only done to be able to sexualize them) find it icky to reproduce with those of their same kind? That they're not enough by themselves and need something else for better offspring? That something else being other species in general but it's specially pointed that since the Asari were coded as "sexy alien women" that they lack "men", while other species do have them, and that they need those outside influences? Wow! Groundbreaking!

Idk, it was uncomfortable as a teen lesbian to play that for the first time to learn that this super cool species where everyone is the same and female-coded, and therefore inherently sapphic (in a manner of speaking) and inherently queer thinks it's icky and weird to reproduce/partner amongst themselves because they're not enough and need something else to do it properly. Like I wonder where I've heard that before, not from anyone telling me lesbian sexuality is lacking in some way and that women are incomplete if they don't partner with men, for sure.

Of course the Asari do not have a gender in the way we understand it, but back in 2007, to the devs, their gender was "blue alien sexy women". They were specifically created to be sexy, they just then were smart enough to give them some more lore other than that and to rectify those ideas a bit more. But it is not a coincidence that Asari are as sexualized as they are in the games.

And it doesn't even make much sense. How long was it in canon since the Asari made first contact? 2000 thousand years? That's what? Three to four Asari generations? I understand of course that they'd be curious and find it awesome that they can reproduce with aliens as well, but to the point where it becomes a taboo to partner with another Asari? A taboo so great that people who do it are ashamed to speak of it? And specifically because that makes them/their unions lacking in some way? (Hint: that's what homophobe say about lesbians and sapphic women) Sorry, there's some subtle homophobia there. I don't think the devs necessarily intended it, but it's there. And they didn't even need to put it there. They could have just said that the Asari reproduce both amongst themselves and other people, no judgement made on it.

This extra thing didn't need to be there. I know the in-game explanation about genetic diversity, but come on, there's outside real life influences too.

[kawaiibarty]

UMMM if this is not an intrusive question, could you pls explain the process of you transitioning? Like whatever made you feel you were with the wrong body? And how did it bother you sm? This is plain curiosity. If u wish pls help me understand.

ahhhh hi hi it's not intrusive at all!

so for me it was really something that took time for me to understand because i didn't know that people were allowed to feel different yk

when i was a child i wore boys clothes because it made me feel happy, during playtime i called dibs on the boy characters, my avatars in video games were exclusively male.

i felt really uncomfortable wearing certain things like skirts and certain shirts and even different types of shoes. my mom said i was really picky and difficult about it lol.

for a while i sort of started wearing skirts and stuff, around 11 to 13 yrs old but, idk it was an odd period for me. i just wanted to be someone my mother liked yk. anyway, for most of my schooling id been in an all girls school up until gr7 when i moved cross country and schools. this new school was co-ed and it was really weird because i felt excluded a lot of the time because i wasn't...yk i didn't act like most of the girls and the people i thought id fit in with didn't like the way i did things LOL. i just felt alienated and like an imposter because i wasn't doing....girl right? iykwim

then i went to highschool a year later and i was shoved back into an all girls class for two years where i realised i properly like girls, except i thought i was homophobic because i didn't like the lesbian label or the bisexual label even though id tried out both at some point. it was like, i know i like girls and i haven't liked a guy properly but that doesn't make me lesbian because...but what if it does because im a girl, right? (spoiler alert, i do like guys and i realised that i could use the label queer without it being a slur also cue asexuality)

anyway, i was introduced to non-binary and it was a reaaaal relief. im telling you, once i was seen as something that wasn't an uncomfortable little girl it was good. but it still didn't feel right so i toyed around with androgyny except i didn't like how uncertain it made me feel yk?

im not saying that people who are enby or androgynous are wholly uncertain but i didn't want to feel like a poseur because i KNEW what i wanted but i didn't know if it was real.

i dont remember when this happened but somebody introduced me to he/they and they/he pronouns and i grasped onto that and it was okay for a while. still didn't feel like i was going it right because i had long hair and wore skirts and was still called a girl or non-binary and i hated my name and everything about the uncertainty yk? like it just came back out of nowhere

then one day this little boy comes up to me, i kid you not it's a CORE MEMORY for me, but this kid approaches me and he's like "are you a boy or a girl" and i start panicking because im not a girl and i hate being a girl and im not a boy because...i mean i don't even look like one right? so i ask him "what do you think i am?" and he says, without even thinking about "you look like a boy. i think you're a boy." and

yk, ive never smiled so wide in my life. i told him "yeah you're right" and he FISTBUMPS ME and im all giddy and excited and i text my best friend @d-rxse and im like OMGOMG YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED DUDE anyway that was three years ago

then i got moved to a co-ed class

it kind of went to shit after that because as soon as i came out as trans i got a new boyfriend and he had never dated a trans person before so for a while he used he/they pronouns for me and we called each other boyfriends up until maybe april of last year where he told me he was uncomfortable with it

so i was an idiot and threw away all my progress and said "you can call me your gf and use they/them pronouns and she/her in front of your friends" and yeah 👍🏼 progress gone. down the drain.

i fixed it tho, by the end of last year i was so done with his bullshit, i broke up with him a week after school started this year, cut my hair short, changed my name, pronouns and got a new phone. cut him out of my life completely. ive never been happier

[sabaramonds]

reverse 1999 genderism. i havent played past 1.6 cuz im NA so 1.7+ is based purely off vibes and out of context clues from cn gamer posting some more detailed elaboration:

the 'cisgender but something is going on' category can mean different things depending on the character. theyre raised in a cult so have not thought about it (mesmer jr) they are, for their time period, gender-non conforming and this shapes the way others perceive them (yenisei wears pants. her mother is probably despairing that her daughter is some man-thing. no shes just a lesbian who doesnt want her legs cut up by plants when shes scampering around the wilderness.) or their gender is inextricably tied to their sexuality (vertin kakania etc) so on and so forth

i hc sotheby as intersex and i have a fic i want to write about this + her & medicine pocket (canon intersex gender cannibal) but idk when ill get to it cuz i have like 30 other things to write atm but its cooking

cristallo is too busy in chemo to think about her gender or sexuality

flammy being transgender makes her misgendering ezra for 2 weeks even funnier. iconic bit from that patch genuinely

i think isolde could actually go down to the 'something is going on' category but i will have to report back after 1.7. oomf and i are going to watch tosca to prepare ourselves. im ready for doomed lesbians. the posts i see from cn players are so fucking ominous

voyager being a literal alien space horror cosplaying as a normal human girl is so fucking funny to me forever

i think that twink from zimas anecdote can go into category of 'reached gender confrontation phase of self-exploration' and stopped engaging' category. does he have a name. i want to meet him again. please

'what does that category even mean' it means they stopped engaging. maybe in another 20 years they will circle back. maybe they wont. who knows. its not my business

i actually think jessica should go into gender cannibal category but i closed the tiermaker and i dont want to go back and fix it so just imagine it for me now ok mentally slot her up there. she is after all only a "girl" because she loves blonney who is a girl so she shaped herself after what she knew. i love you yandere lesbian girl deer thing

regulus is the girl of all time forever

i saw the 2.0 trailer and i think joe is also transgender at the grocery store but i dont know. i dont know anything.

and thats my re1999 thoughts on gender. for now.

[miloway]

Life update: I have been REALLY GOING THROUGH IT GODDAMN 😭

1. Saw Taemin in concert, that was dope

2. Bsf got a promise ring from her bf which now means my stereotypical first lesbian situationship with best friend is finally over 🥳 the tension that was once there for YEARS is now gone and I feel light but...

3. So it started 2 weeks ago, I had been interacting with my twt oomfs and realised 3 of them have a similar name, so ofc for funsies I made a list with just the 3 of them and put notifications on for all 3 just cuz I liked interacting with them, no biggie! Right?

Well... then they started flirting with eachother under each other's posts and replies which I could see all of and I also joined in, cuz flirting is fun. Then the flirting started getting serious and shit... And I'm like damn, I'm starting to feel a bit left out 😢 THEN in the middle of the taemin concert on Tuesday during a short break I saw the notification...

One of them claimed the other 2 as their wife and husband and I'm like oooh so i can't tell if they're joking or if they're legit in a relationship... Hahaaaa let me leave a joking comment asking them not to forget me (which they answer to saying they won't)

Then in the following days their notifs started harassing me... The flirting, so much flirting, and that point I realised oh shit I really like all 3 even if it's just platonic and not romantic, I just wanna be a part of their polycule 😭

Then they start to post screenshots from a group chat and a discord server with just the 3 of them, so at this point I'm feeling alienated and I don't even have the guts to flirt with any of them anymore. And I kinda lose my shit on my priv account (I am very dramatic) I even post something about being depressed on my main and one of them responds comforting me 😭😭😭 and I'm like goddamn you don't even know this play is about you 💔

The flirting continues and slowly I start seeing more "I love you"s in the notifs and I'm like, Oh. They're actually in a relationship aren't they, well shit. Now I feel like I'm butting in where I don't belong but I still like all of them and still want to interact with them so I keep their notifications on.

Then I stupidly make the mistake of mentioning on main that I have a priv and one of them replies asking to become moots on each other's privs... Well ofc I accept, but not before deleting every single twt I made about them, then another one makes a priv and I'm like sure fuck it, I'll add them to my priv too, so now I can't vent on my priv without outright saying what I'm talking about (I have to be vague and shit) so I'm venting here instead :D

Now I'm getting to the point where idk how much more of this I can take, I'll be waiting until the end of this week to decide if I turn off their notifs or not 😭

This keeps reminding me of situations that I've ended up in with my bsf like... Sighhh I wanna vent about it but I don't wanna air out her business so now I feel a bit stuck (I should write some songs) anyways there are many similarities to situations I've been in the past 🥲

I always end up stuck as an outsider trying to get in to another's relationship, or atleast it's feels like it, it never happens but I just crave to be apart of it but ik thats impossible for me. I just can't help but think I'll never be good enough for that and I'm never worth being someone's priority, so I stick to the sidelines, just watching as my heart cracks every time I witness a scene. Why can't I be a part of that, why can't I love right, why do I know that if it actually happens, I'll hurt the other with the only way that I'm able to love.

Fuck.

[batsylikeme]

so here’s my silly little rant/opinions on the new doctor who season

if what i say pisses you off just keep scrolling mary i don’t have the energy to deal with negativity rn

so firstly i don't wanna talk abt how the new doctor regenerated okay that made absolutely no sense to me. idk why even 10 came back as well like ig donna's story was left "untold" ….but so is every other companion’s?

and idk how they split??? i really don't understand how they can do that but it’s aliens so whatever.

im also not gonna go into the christmas episode or the baby episode i...dont wanna relive that.

so!! i love the doctor i think he’s so fun and hip and his style is amazing.

personally i think the fact that he doesn’t have a set outfit is bc he’s trying to figure out who he is, which is always so exciting as the viewer going on this journey with him.

and ruby is awesome as hell!! low key fuck you writers for not making her a lesbian ( i mean she has the eyebrow slit and everything you should be ashamed).

also cool background story i love that she's interesting and a mystery. plus when villains are like "who...are you" that's always so dope.

i think that the "family" of the different "gods" is really cheesy but GOD i loved jinx they did so fucking amazing their performance was everything. i want them to act in every show ever honestly.

with that being said.. that episode specifically wasn’t my favorite, it was a cool concept but idgaf abt the beetles so 😭

and in that episode when the doctor ran away and hid?? that was new to the doctor that we know and i was like “yeah let’s go we’re gonna watch his character develop!”

so you would think it would build up to some sort of solution bc the doctor is tryna figure out who he is and that's gnarly love it

….then they DIDNT?

they didn't do anything with that?!?? at least that i was able to notice?

okay but after the jinx episode the rest of the episodes were actually fierce!

the landmine one had some really cool dialogue moments especially with the bickering like love i'm obsessed. ruby was also really cool and i love how much she cares about the doctor and how she wasn’t scared. i think that says a lot about her character. not to mention i think having her so in awe of the planets was a really good choice bc that reaction is so human and i love it.

buttttt the other characters were like mad infuriating which may have been the point? and throughout the episode it was so tense and nerve racking but the end was so anticlimactic. i loved the idea, and i loved that the dad was able to save the day (even tho i wanted the doctor to save the day but whatever) but i wanted MORE. i wanted the doctor and ruby to go into town, or to see the government and face them and call them out on the war! the fact that it was in one area the entire episode was just not it, me no likey.

the ruby centered episode was AWESOME.

that one was so unsettling (in a good way) and it was sooooo cool to see her like basically save the world and then she dies but BOOM they're back when the episode first started. i loved it, so peak doctor who timey wimey stuff

even tho i'm still a little confused as to if the lady was ruby? but whatever i still really enjoyed it i honestly have no cons on this episode it displayed what kind of person she is perfectly.

next, the bridgerton episode was fun! love the gayness they even kissed and they flirted it was so fierce. and ugh ruby’s character just keeps getting better and better honestly shes so fun and it’s so easy to root for her.

…but… the dialogue wasn’t good in this episode….at all. especially having the aliens say the word ‘cosplay’ took me out of the fantasy completely

also side note but not really-

what always impressed me growing up watching doctor who was that even back in 2005 the alien makeup was always so FIERCE like cunty boots down house houston bc it's makeup centric!

it also allows talented people to show off their skills and add really personal features to the actors who are playing the aliens. but nowadays they rely on the cgi so much that it just doesn’t seem believable and honestly it doesn't look good anymore. like mentioned before with makeup you can use the actor’s features to your advantage which creates the perfect illusion.

makeup + a LITTLE bit of cgi is the way to go and i don't get a fuck if it's more expensive ur a fucking successful ass company you have the money now USE IT

the episode itself was good until the very end when rouge sacrificed himself and then the doctor was like "i move on that's what happens" like bruh

by having him say that, it honestly makes you think that all of the losses the doctor has endured is just moments of his past, and that he’s moved on

like no i want the doctor to be angry, to be motivated!!

and that's what i think this doctor lacked.

there was no motivation or drive for him, which is so fucking stupid bc the actor is amazing.

the episode that ended with the doctor experiencing racism for the first time…you can tell that the actor put his whole heart and soul into his performance (especially the scream). he was unleashing a whole new part of his doctor and it was absolutely perfect.

so why not use that to give the doctor more motivation, more anger? seeing the doctor not being able to move on, to be selfish at times bc that makes him feel human. which would make sense BC!! he has spent so much times with humans and earth is important to him.

moving on; one of the biggest things that made this season an issue was that they cried every. single. episode.

when you only get something every once and a while it makes that thing so much more precious. the doctor only cries like once a season, and when he does it's like actually thrilling bc you don't get that side of him a lot.

and usually it's with a lot of anger bc the doctor is angry!! we've been through how many seasons of the doctor suffering?? i mean the man literally blew up his own planet. he's been thru the ringer.

there are so many episodes of the doctor not having the best morals, of him letting the villain die bc of his own selfish intentions. he's not supposed to be a hero, and i think that’s also what makes the doctor so compelling.

another con was the dialogue. one of my biggest tv / movie turn offs is when they say what they’re doing. and not in the super impressive like monologue way but in the simple way of being like "i'm cooking" like mary yeah i see you doing that??

and this season used that a lot. and again NOT in the cool monologue saving the day way speaking of that, no cool monologues? none? nada?

the best part of doctor who is when the doctor goes against all odds and saves the day with that sexy smirk and has the coolest monologue with the kick ass music in the back and during it gives you goosebumps! it also allowed the actor to put forth a lot of emotion into their performance and allowed them to build who their doctor is.

despite all of that, i did really enjoy the episode with ruby growing old and the racism episode. the fact that they didn’t have to say it was perfect and i think was a really good choice bc it was a surprise factor, especially with the doctor’s reaction. when they brought in a random character to save the day and him be so unlike the rest of his race and then kill him is always gonna be classic trope, bc my sister and i were GAGGED. perfect, absolutely perfect.

however. the season finale can go fuck itself.

UNIT is so cheesy now, and it feels so unreal and silly which i think is stupid. they’ve had this facility for so long so the fact that it is unserious now is lame. it feels really fake whenever they're trying to be serious and sciency, which is not the way to go when ur a literal army based facility.

anyways back to the season finale-yeah it was cool to have a throwback especially with the fact it was “the one who waits” that was gnarly! however,,, when sutukh whatever his name was literally kills the entire universe…it didn't feel like it??? it happened so quickly it didn't have that shock value it was supposed to and i was actually confused.

i did love the throwback to the ruby episode so it made you feel like it was tying that together which is nice!! give them some recognition yay!!

now let’s talk abt the whole plot with Ruby’s birth mother.

the build up of her real mother i mean it's been every episode when they mentioned it. in the first part where they were in the time window, that was giving me the creeps! i loved that it was scary and confusing and i couldn’t wait to figure it out!

so when the birth mother of ruby, the woman that even the god of death was infatuated with, the woman that the doctor couldn't figure out, the woman that was stuck in some sort of time thingy…………..is just a regular woman? its just some teenager who got knocked up and gave away her kid? that's it?

i've been getting edged this entire fucking season just for this?

if you enjoyed that it was a regular person i get it! it’s a throwback to whenever the doctor made his speech about how no one is ever just unimportant, which i do love and appreciate.

the whole reason she's important is bc the unknown is the most powerful thing which honestly i agree. my biggest fears are always the unknown. so yes absolutely i get it….but….are you...are you kidding me?

and then ruby leaves? ruby is done traveling with the doctor? i just. ugh.

there was so much potential and i’m just so empty now.

yes it had its cool moments, but im honestly so heartbroken and disappointed with how it turned out like, some bitch on tumblr could have written this season better than this.

i really really really hope the next season is better, at this point it’s just the writing. so get it together writers!! Ncuti is a phenomenal actor he is so fun and his range is so raw and captivating. not to mention Ruby! i’m really sad she’s leaving so soon, she was really fun and complimented the doctor well.

i can’t wait to see what’s next, and honestly no matter what i’m gonna watch doctor who bc it’s so special to me <3

[ghostorbz]

INVADER ZIM HEADCANONS BECAUSE. YAAAYYYYY

!! some zadr !!

Main characters:

-Irken show affection by entangling their antenna together. So Zim wraps his antenna around Dibs hair spike

-Zim shoplifts candy from the store (and Dibs fridge) other times he gets Gir to steal stuff

-Once Dib ate cup noodles for 3 weeks straight. He hasn't done it since

-Dib still has the snarl beast

-He's also very good at drawing, most of his drawings being of him and Zim

-Dib probably gets dizzy when he stands up too fast

-Gaz and Tak like playing games together, Tak is super bad at them though

-Gaz is really into robotics, that's why Professor Membrane doesn't pressure her into science like he does with Dib. In fact she programmed her "security" plushies all by herself

-Gaz HAS and WILL doxx people

-Gir and MiMi are very lady and the tramp coded

-Gir would be best friends with Jenny Wakeman

-Gir CONSTANTLY steals drinks, not only from people he knows either. Like in a restaurant he will just take a big sip of someones drink and walk away

Other characters:

-Zita is a theater kid, she puts the most effort in school plays compared to everyone else

-Carl has literally anything and everything in his beanie. Need a spare pencil? He's got it. Need a notebook? It's in there. Need a bag of chips? You know he has it. But he won't ever give it to you. Like Pinkie Pie except Carl isn't helpful

-Gretchen actually can tell really good jokes, she just doesn't tell them

-Jessica and Letty are lesbian I swear to god they are

-Poonchy is a lot like Tobias from the amazing world of gumball except maybe a little less mean

-Mr. Elliot is Ms. Bitters son, he likes being around her so he got the same job as her (despite her protests)

-Mr. Dwicky probably killed that guy in the vents. Among us imposter ass

-Miyuki and Sporks tallest uniforms seem to be slightly different than Red and Purples, the slight adjustments are there to prevent Zims monsters from eating them

General:

-Hugs from behind are very beloved since you're basically hugging their PAK which is like, their everything

-Irken relationships are heavily looked down upon until they are officialized

-Tallest DNA is used for reproduction by being put in a lil tube until a smeet develops

-Tallest colors are passed down (I don't reaaally headcanon this but I think it's a cute idea)

(Not super invader zim related, but it's one of my favorite headcanons)

-Alien hominid landed on earth after the Irken empire took over his planet. He really hates Zim

(I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT ALIEN HOMINID so like, sorry if I'm ignoring already established lore idk)

[pastel-fox-the-silly]

Pinned post/Intro

(I'm sorry I wish I could help but I am not able to donate and seeing so many people asking me to makes me feel guilty and overwhelmed. When my mental health gets too bad because of it I have to turn off asks)

🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸

I go by "Pastel" in online spaces and sometimes irl

My pronouns are he/they/it (you can also use neo pronouns like paw/fox/silly/star/creature)

I'm a Bigender (male and non binary) Transmasc xenogeder guy. (Questioning being boyflux)

I'm an alien otherkin

I'm autistic and my special interests are object shows and art (also cake from bfb, I'm so normal about him)

16 (just two more years and I can.... idk i have no plans other than drawing yaoi)

I'm dyslexic and English isn't my first language so I'll definitely make some spelling errors

I have social anxiety, but I'll love to make some friends so if you are my mutual or wanna be one, feel free to talk to me (I will probably be a bit awkward at first thought)

🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸🛸

DNI

-Bigots and homophobes (that includes if you don't support stuff like lesboys, mspec lesbians and xenogeders. Not supporting those makes you bigot even if you pretend it doesn't)

- Proshippers (yall make me uncomfortable)

-racists

-Natz1s

- people who bully others for being "cringe"

-anti selfshippers

_ People who like eggy from bfb (this one is a joke)

[sidebaxolotl]

Do you know of any good resources for dealing with gender dysphoria from a side B or Y Christian angle (i.e., not affirming sin or encouraging transition?) It's not huge in my life but sometimes it comes up and I wish I had more advice for dealing with it. A lot of the stuff I find is unhelpful because it's just plainly restating the rules with how Christianity doesn't condone gender ideology with no practical advice, is in that "how to talk to your friend who has this issue" pov, or just kinda goes "lol pray about it idk". I 100% know and stand by that biological sex is biological sex and don't think it's possible to change to the opposite sex, nor do I really want to... so it's not a matter of needing to persuade me, but it doesn't change that I still have feelings of stress and of not really living up to or fitting in with womanhood. When I'm around other women it can be really difficult because I feel so profoundly different when we should be similar. TIA

Sorry this took so long, I took the time to talk to a couple of people who had dysphoria in the past and some who didn't to get some insight.

Both the people I had talked to who had it had cited porn as a major reason why they developed it in the first place so if thats not ur experience then maybe this wont be as helpful for you 😅

They did bring up a good point that assessing where you think your dysphoria comes from from a psychiatric standpoint could help you figure out how to deal with it and i was given this link:

https://oncurrentevents.substack.com/on-gender-transition-and-psychiatric-disorders

Like for example it was pointed out to me that gd presents a lot like body dysmorphia (specifically, like eating disorders and stuff) so u might be able to use whatever coping mechanisms are used for that to help. It also seems to be a prevalent phenomenon in autistic and adhd individuals so perhaps addressing those things if you have them would help.

I was also linked to this book, the friend in question had remarked that it had helped a lot of the women he knew:

https://a.co/d/6DNWdA2

The guy I talked to said therapy had helped him as well as support from God/ his family but finding non affirming therapists that have a nuanced view on things is extremely difficult, esp if you want a Christian one. Him and I were extremely lucky in that way.

The one woman i spoke to said she quit porn and sobered off gd feelings once she realized transitioning wouldnt truly make her a boy.

I did want to be a boy when i was really young but im not super sure that counts? Idk.

For me what helped was realizing a lot of what made me not want to be a girl at that time was just a reaction to stereotypical gender roles and sexism towards women. Once i started challenging those perceptions and the ways my brain was affirming them i became way more comfortable in my body.

I also had a similar realization as sibling that I'd never truly be able to be a boy if i tried to alter my body. I could wear blue and be the night in shining armor and be a hero and still be a woman, yknow?

Also a lot of it was me being very gay and not realizing it lmaooo

I can def relate to not really fitting in with women--particularly in Christian settings I'm typically the only one who isnt hyperfemme and it can be a bit alienating.

Realizing i wasn't straight kinda helped too since the lesbian perception of womanhood is a lot more fluid than its straight counterpart. Not saying to "go gay" if you aren't but maybe looking into butch and gnc communities and framing your self-perception in that way might help?

If there are any other side b dysphoric folks reading this feel free to chime in with your own tips/resources in dealing with this stuff please!!

[burinazar]

absolutely unhinged rant about…i don’t even know, alienation from gender roles? lack of a sense of community for Strange And Grotesque Bisexual Woman? idk it’s 2am let me rant on my tumblr i think this kind of shit is what tumblr is for

I am very jealous of people for whom queer self discovery has led to a sense of community and acceptance. The more in touch I get with my sense of gender and sexuality the more alone and excluded and unfit for the world I feel. What I want and the way I am seem to be are. , in the context of how other people seem to label and process queerness, at best highly unusual and at worst simply unacceptable. I feel far more at odds with (and far more interested in expanding) expectations of womenhood than anyone I meet who still seems to identify as a woman, except for lesbians and certain trans women (though i may just be saying that because the only other human who seems to have worded certain skepticism on m/f dynamics the way i tend to is a transfem author), and neither of these labels apply to me; I can’t find precedence or community for anyone who is like me, all we have are silly posts and memes. I like silly posts and memes but they can’t really help me stop feeling like there is nothing for me and maybe there are no people like me and the ones who come closest are the most painful to realize I am not the same as because if I were just a bit different I’d be like them but I’m not.

Truly does no one feel the way I do about widening the definition of womanhood and the agency of and roles for women? Why is everyone apparently so happy with what’s been given to us? Do you really ACTUALLY LIKE like being expected to do makeup and hair and jewelry and being the party expected to receive attraction rather than enact it? And do you find what you’re supposed to like in men and in relationships with men appealing rather than essentially feeing like it’s all backwards and should be the other way around, like we should be the pursuers, like men should be small and cute and inaggressive rather than muscular and “alpha”” being the cultural idea? I can’t relate to this shit at all and I can’t wrap my head around most women liking the things that I hate and relating to things I can never relate to, but I refuse to accept that the answer is something like “stop trying to call yourself a woman” instead of “we need to make the definition of woman wider and wider and less and less restricted and more ugly and weird and delightfully fucked up.” But the only ppl who I see feel this way are in groups I’m not part of, and the ppl who are in the groups I’m part of seem to be much much happier about the current definition of womanhood (and the proscribed dynamics of how men and women interact) than I ever will be. I wish I were a type of person that there was a community for. It’s too hard to be like this by myself.

[six-improbable-things]

I watched Mickey 17 tonight, on the recommendation of @rickyrainfrog (who, as always, has phenomenal taste), and here's my unfiltered thoughts, for posterity's sake:

The fact that they took out that big of a loan, from an infamous loan shark over MACAROONS made me laugh.

Also, the fact that their shirts say "Macaroons are not a sin" implies that there's like... religious discourse over macaroons??? Which is HILARIOUS. (Yes, it could just be like "they're not that bad for you", but the religious implication is 100x funnier, and in matching with the tone of the movie.)

"Am I just a uterus to you?" (Kai, ily. Also fuck yeah lesbians.)

"I can walk!" [*IMMEDIATELY FACEPLANTS*]

Ylfa's obsession with sauce is perhaps the weirdest running gag I've ever seen.

Mickey is so fucking stupid I love him. "If the creepers hadn't kicked me out, we wouldn't be in this mess." Nasha: "You mean they saved you?" Mickey: "I guess." (Izzy's reply was "He's a little stupid and that's okay.")

Nasha should be allowed to kill people with chainsaws.

Her and Mickey are ABSOLUTELY the "Excuse me, he asked for no pickles!!!" kind of couple.

The science lady (Dorothy??) and Mickey just having an entire conversation in chirps but neither of them know what they're saying is adorable. I love her.

OH MY GOD THEY HAVE NAMES. I mean of course they do, but that's so cute.

The smash cut to the mamma creeper saying "say what?" made me laugh so hard. I love her.

The creepers having psychic scream is awesome. The creepers bluffing about having psychic scream is GLORIOUS.

The fact that they an roll up like rolly pollys and then roll across the snow like tumbleweeds is great.

Me: "I want 20."

Science lady (Dorothy??) holding a baby creeper during Nasha's speech is so fucking cute. No one can convince me it's not baby Zulo.

Kai's roll-up flipping off of Nasha is great. (Also, I was right!! I support bi disaster Kai.)

Mickey being the one who has to lead the conversations with the "creepers", even though he's SO FUCKING BAD AT IT is really funny to me. I imagine the mamma one kind of treats him like we treat cats. He's stupid, but cute and amusing, so he can stick around.

The science team planting plants while Mickey negotiates!!!!

"Oh no, the bad guys are back!" "wait, no, just a dream, which he got rid of by telling them to fuck off" is almost as good as the end of the first season(?) of Agents of Shield where the bad guy is resurrecting but gets killed by Coulson casually picking up an alien weapon, shooting him, and then yelling "FOUND IT!" over his shoulders.

I can't fucking believe that Mickey fell asleep during Nasha's speech. Well, actually I can. It's perfectly on-brand for him. Ultimate himbo bf.

This movie threads the line between overly comedic satire and taking itself seriously so perfectly. Idk how to explain it, tbh. Like, it feels heavy-handed at times, but that's consistent with the tone of the movie. So what would otherwise feel awkward and clunky in another movie actually kind of works here.