#thinking in the sense of like. we don’t even have our own term that encapsulates our experiences

[jackienautism]

maybe i’m just being a Bitch about it but like … is anyone sad at how lesbian is mainly used as an umbrella term? like. we don’t even really have our own term

[pitroig]

Mrs. Maisel: it’s ok that you’re not perfect.

I can only describe the latest episode of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel as charming and intelligent. I believe it has perfectly encapsulated, in its pacing, scene selection, and motifs, the reasons why this series will remain embroidered in our minds like a heart in bright red thread. Additionally, I think it manages to explain the storytelling of this season and tie up the loose ends we have seen in Midge's character over the past 8 episodes, which have angered a part of the audience.

And I think that all the explanations lie in those four minutes of monologue that she steals from Gordon Brown's pettiness, and with it, steals the spotlight from all the men who have taken it from her until now.

- Is Midge a "bad mother"? Probably. Very likely, in fact. This last episode shows us a Midge so focused on her success and career that she doesn't scold her children even when they have clearly done something very wrong (pretending to be sick and insulting their elders is wrong no matter how you look at it). In the monologue itself, she anticipates that her children will end up in therapy complaining about her, as we know actually happens, and she accepts it as part of the evolution of parent-child relationships. But even more revealing is the fact that she pretends to forget her children's names and then remembers them, ah, when the monologue is already over. - Is Midge a worse character for being a "bad mother"? No! On the contrary! I think it makes perfect sense in terms of character development because from the very beginning, all Midge wants is to be the center of attention. Fame. In the Catskills, always winning awards and competing. At her own wedding, giving a monologue. Maybe she never wanted to be a mother; what she wanted was to be herself. But what she was raised for was to be a good wife. Only when she sheds that burden, only when Abe sees her exactly as she is, does she understand that it's the layers of convention that have been dimming her shine. Midge loves an audience. When years later, she has a free Tuesday, and we hope she uses that Tuesday to tie up one of the loose ends: Will she go see her children? Grandchildren? Her parents' grave? Joel's grave? No. She wants to work. She needs the adrenaline rush of the show. She needs to be the center of attention. And there are only two people in the world who understand that. One is Susie. The other, of course, is Lenny Bruce.

- Lenny Bruce. I don't want to spoil the devastating opening scene or ruin the smile of the last scene they share together, but I'll comment that in the monologue, Midge says that dates, boyfriends, lovers become cannon fodder for the comedic. She does it with her own ex-husband, right in front of him, and she will do it later with other ex-husbands. But she never does it with Lenny Bruce because Lenny Bruce, the one she doesn't want to see when he's no longer himself, is the guiding star of Midge, and she will never, ever dare to touch him for fear of breaking him.

- So, does she love Lenny or does she love Joel? Despite the undeniable chemistry Midge and Lenny share, she can't love Lenny because, in human terms, there isn't much he can offer Midge. Joel, on the other hand, despite his many faults and fragile male ego, is still the guy who cares about Midge, and above all, the guy who always sees Midge as a shining star, always the center of attention in his life. And in the end, that's what she has always wanted, right? I think it's okay for Midge Maisel to be selfish, to lose focus, and to be clumsy when it comes to handling her ambitions and her life. We're all doing the best we can, and chances are, we're messing up all the time.  It isn’t a show about a woman who has it all. It is about a broken woman who has lost the only thing that gave her life a sense of purpose and identity. It was about another woman marginalized by societal norms, ignored and living in the shadows of sticky-floored bars. And how together, they found a safe space for them to be, their reason for being in comedy—not in motherhood, marriage, or a desk job—but in building this space, they broke all the codes and rules. 

No matter the cost.

*Please note that the term "bad mother" used here is loosely defined. I am referring to widely recognized social conventions regarding the expectations and stereotypes associated with motherhood.

[duchessofostergotlands]

It's funny how yesterday I was listening you stressing out British people don't emphatize with the riches' misery while strolling news about five millioners stuck in a submarine.

Lol, I speak only the truth!

In all seriousness, whether it’s right or wrong, it is hard to sympathise when people voluntarily chose to go in an obvious death trap, without doing any due diligence, to explore what is an actual gravesite because they’re so rich they have no understanding of personal risk and want to be able to boast about accessing things most humans can’t access. If our species was supposed to be at the bottom of the ocean we would be lol. This wasn’t about discovery or science but purely about profit and ego, and it’s killed five people. And the fact one of them chose to take his 19 year old son with him - there is no way that boy could have gone on the trip without his dad’s money and approval, and since I first drafted this it’s come out he may have been pressured to go - and now a family have lost two people in terrible circumstances makes it even worse. It’s just wasteful, frankly. I sympathise with their families, I wish things had gone differently, but it really is such a perfect encapsulation of how insane wealthy inequality has become!

I was thinking about this topic after we did our episode and I think it’s about balance. I’m comfortable, financially, because I have parents who were comfortable financially, I studied in a place where higher education is free, I have no kids and no social life, and I’ve been hoarding money like Smaug since I was a child. But even I worry about keeping a roof over my head, I worry about what happens if I lose my job. I’ve been made redundant before and had that feeling of panic and fear that I’ll never find another job. I couldn’t find a place to live on my own on my salary in the city I worked in which negatively impacted my mental health and I’m already struggling with a severe mental illness. And I’m lucky, millions in the U.K. have it way worse than me. I’m not one of those people who thinks the rich can’t suffer or that their emotions don’t matter - that’s a slippery slope as that would dnd up with everyone except the one human who is worst off in the whole world being told they can’t suffer and they don’t matter - but at the same time normal humans all have this struggle. So when you see multi millionaires and billionaires - especially those who inherited wealth - they automatically have less on their plate to worry about in terms of financial security, they don’t have those daily worries we all have. And so when they do experience hardship it kind of feels to the public - or to me at least - like the hardship has to be more intense in order to balance the scale because they already start off so much higher. Does that make sense?

I do think actively celebrating deaths is a bit much. It’s cruel but more importantly it’s completely pointless and damages the cause, and I think is more often than not done so people on the Internet can feel better about themselves and show off to their friends. But I completely get why people don’t feel pity or sympathy either. There’s a massive cavern in the middle where most of us sit. I just think it’s knowing the time and place and manner when it comes to vocalising that view. Nobody can make you empathise but you don’t have to declare it, unprompted, in the most callous way you can think of

[ask-serendipity-sky]

I understand last anon.

For me, I don’t think I’ll stop supporting Jikook if he does make out with the actress if the mv but I would have to reconsider who I think Jungkook is, if that makes sense? I’m totally aware that it’s a me problem and that I’m probably projecting, but the idea that he would do this, even though it’s just acting, it just feels so far from who I think he is and how he seems to consider love relationships. Of course, again, that’s the way I interpret his personality, so I could be totally wrong and projecting onto him someone he’s actually not. He’s the member I feel the closest to, in terms of personality. I perceive him as such an hopeless romantic, more than Jimin, and someone who has very strong boundaries when it comes to love. Take the perilla leaves moment for eg, though he was also probably emphasizing his disagreement for the laughs, he strikes me as someone entirely focused on his partner when he’s in a committed relationship so making out with someone even for acting seems like something that would be totally inconceivable for him. Again, I wanna make it clear that it’s probably a projection from my own values and personality, as for me it would be something that I would not accept from my partner (and I’m not saying I’m right and this is how it should be etc, boundaries are different for everyone and every couple, some would 0 problem with it and it’s perfectly fine if it suits them!).

Honestly I find it a bit vain to fear the mv when it’s not even out yet. I’m pretty confident it won’t be close to any hot scenarios Armys have been making these days. But who knows.

Hi anon,

I understand what you are saying. And I think it's good that you understand that it's a projection from you as well.

So for you it's more of a relationship boundary that Jungkook would be crossing if he made out with a woman in the mv. Hmmm.

He's not cheating on us (because he's not in a relationship with us) but it could be considered cheating on Jimin... but are we Jimin in this story then? Could that be it?

We have our other favorite artists who have their partners and whose personalities we like and then they do "something" similar in a film or mv and we don't bat an eye.

Then comes Jk who is sweet and listens to us, sings for us, laughs along with us, let's us watch him work out, cooks with us, and shares emotions with us so there is this deep emotional attachment to him.

He is very boyfriend-y, to be precise.

We "love" Jungkook a little too much and think we own at least a little part of him so the pedestal we have him on is higher so things like making out with a woman(maybe) in a mv or anything along those lines pushes him off the pedestal and the fall is bigger...it just hurts more even though we know it's all performative. Even though we are not his romantic partner.

It is all a matter of separating boundaries. Not projecting. Letting go of our Jikook beliefs and our own relationship beliefs that limit Jungkook and won't let him grow artistically.

The art shouldn't encapsulate Jungkook. Our views on Jikook shouldn't encapsulate Jungkook. Our own views on life shouldn't encapsulate Jungkook. The weverse lives and content shouldn't encapsulate Jungkook.

But I'm glad that you see it and understand it. I hope others who are on the same boat do too.

Thank you for sharing.

[techtired]

How Breakup Quotes Can Help You Move On

Breakups can be one of the most challenging emotional experiences a person can go through. Whether it’s the end of a long-term relationship or a brief romantic encounter, the emotional aftermath can leave you feeling lost, hurt, and overwhelmed. During such times, finding ways to process emotions and heal is crucial. One surprisingly effective tool that many people turn to is breakup quotes. These simple yet powerful expressions of shared experiences can provide comfort, clarity, and even the motivation to move forward. In this article, we’ll explore how breakup quotes help you move on and why they resonate so deeply with us during times of heartache. How Breakup Quotes Can Help You Move On 1. Validation of Emotions Breakups stir up a complex mix of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and sometimes even relief. During this time, it’s easy to feel isolated, as if no one else could possibly understand what you’re going through. Breakup quotes often serve as a mirror to your own feelings, validating your emotions and making you realize that what you're experiencing is normal. Quotes like, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” by Alfred Lord Tennyson remind us that heartbreak is a universal experience. By reading the words of others who have been through similar situations, we gain reassurance that our emotions are legitimate, which is a significant first step in healing. 2. Offering Perspective In the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to focus solely on the pain and feel as though the hurt will never fade. Breakup quotes often offer a fresh perspective, allowing you to step back from the immediate anguish and see the bigger picture. For example, the quote, “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together,” attributed to Marilyn Monroe, reminds us that endings can lead to new beginnings. Such quotes encourage us to shift our focus from the loss to the possibilities ahead. They help in reframing the breakup as not just an end, but a transition into something better, be it personal growth, self-discovery, or a healthier relationship in the future. 3. Encouraging Self-Reflection Breakup quotes often contain wisdom that encourages introspection. They prompt you to think about what went wrong in the relationship, what lessons you can take from the experience, and how you can apply those lessons moving forward. A quote like, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened,” attributed to Dr. Seuss, encourages us to reflect on the positive aspects of the relationship and recognize the personal growth that came from it. This self-reflection is a vital part of the healing process. It helps you understand more about yourself, your needs, and your boundaries, ultimately making you stronger for future relationships. 4. Inspiring Resilience After a breakup, it’s normal to feel defeated or as though you’ll never recover from the pain. Breakup quotes often serve as a source of encouragement and inspiration, helping you to build resilience and find the strength to move on. Quotes like, “The only way out is through,” by Robert Frost, remind us that while the journey through heartbreak may be difficult, the only way to truly heal is by facing the pain head-on. These quotes act as small but powerful nudges to keep going, even when you feel like giving up. They remind you that healing is a process, and though it might take time, you will eventually come out stronger on the other side. 5. Providing a Sense of Closure Breakup quotes can also help provide a sense of closure, which is often difficult to achieve after a relationship ends. When a relationship ends without proper closure, it can leave lingering questions and unresolved feelings. Reading a quote that encapsulates your experience can sometimes provide the closure you’re seeking. For instance, a quote like, “You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them…but still move on without them,” by Mandy Hale, offers a form of emotional closure. It helps you understand that it’s okay to let go of the past while still maintaining positive feelings for the other person. Closure is not always about the other person; sometimes, it’s about accepting the end internally and giving yourself permission to move forward. 6. Cultivating Self-Love One of the most important aspects of moving on after a breakup is rediscovering self-love. Breakup quotes often emphasize the importance of loving and valuing yourself. Quotes like, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection,” by Buddha, remind us that our worth is not tied to our relationship status. These quotes encourage you to focus on your own needs, well-being, and happiness. They inspire you to treat yourself with kindness and compassion, helping you rebuild your self-esteem, which is often bruised after a breakup. Cultivating self-love is essential for healing and preparing yourself for healthier relationships in the future. 7. Empowering You to Let Go One of the most difficult aspects of moving on from a breakup is learning to let go of the past. Whether it’s the memories, the hopes for the future, or even the person themselves, letting go can feel impossible. Breakup quotes often provide the wisdom and motivation needed to release the past and embrace the future. A quote like, “Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny,” helps frame the act of letting go as a necessary step for personal growth. By encouraging you to release what no longer serves you, such quotes empower you to move forward without the emotional baggage that can hold you back. 8. Connecting with Others Breakup quotes can also serve as a means of connecting with others who are going through similar experiences. Whether shared on social media, sent to a friend, or kept as personal reminders, these quotes often resonate deeply with others, creating a sense of shared understanding and solidarity. This sense of connection can be incredibly comforting, especially during a time when you might feel alone. Knowing that others have felt the same way and come out the other side can give you the strength to keep pushing forward. 9. Motivating Personal Growth Many breakup quotes emphasize the idea that hardship can lead to personal growth. They encourage you to use the breakup as an opportunity to work on yourself, focus on your goals, and become the best version of yourself. A quote like, “What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise,” by Oscar Wilde, highlights how challenges like breakups can lead to unforeseen personal development. Such quotes act as a reminder that pain can be transformative. They motivate you to take the time after a breakup to invest in yourself, whether that means pursuing new hobbies, focusing on your career, or simply taking care of your mental and emotional well-being. Conclusion Breakup quotes are much more than just words on a page; they are powerful tools that can help you navigate the complex emotions that come with the end of a relationship. By validating your feelings, offering perspective, encouraging self-reflection, and providing inspiration, these quotes can guide you through the healing process. Whether you’re seeking closure, resilience, or self-love, the right quote at the right time can be a beacon of hope, reminding you that, eventually, you will move on and emerge stronger than before. Read the full article

[hzltryingtowrite]

The persistence of memory (inconsistency, subsistence)

This line often floats into my head with a sense of profundity. I know it’s the name of a Dali painting- the famous one with the melting clocks. People wrote that it referred to Einsteins theory of special relativity. When asked, Dali said it was inspired by melted Camembert. 

I think I’m more in the Camembert camp- i find it easier to access and understand than space and time. That was something I found a bit exhausting about art college- on our first day in the sculpture department we were told that sculpture is about ‘space, place and time’, which was all very hefty. Would it have lent more weight to my work if the plaque on the wall referenced Einstein, rather than being upfront about the fact that I was tripping balls and eating cheese? (This is purely hypothetical).

 Speaking of cheese, when we were in France and eating pastries, Molly asked me what the nicest cake I ever had was. I couldn’t just remember the nicest- I could barely remember any of the cakes I’ve eaten. Later, we went into a museum and looked at some paintings. I tried to remember feeling excited about paintings and remembered when I was a teenager and had seen a Dali for the first time. I can’t remember where that was though. And when I thought harder, I wasn’t sure if it was even my memory or the memory of a friend I had at the time. I couldn’t even tell you the name of the painting.

I’ve gone off on tangents before reading about the inconsistency of memory- stories of false witness testimonies and memory experiments. Asides from the practical implications it has in terms of the judicial system, I think there is a certain fascination with the subject that feeds into the cult of the individual- latching onto our memories as an integral part of our identities. I’ll quote Mishima in Kinkaku-Ji second-hand (because I first came across him in a Sylvain Tesson book) - ‘...What gives meaning to our life’s actions is fidelity to a certain moment, and our effort to make that moment last forever...’.

This resonated with me in the sense that I think a lot of the choices I make and the things I care about are silently governed by a sense of nostalgia- things that influenced me in my formative years. The Pinterests I save, the aesthetic choices I make. Some of these choices and interests can be clearly traced back- my most enduring interests have been those I’ve had since I was a child- like anime, art and nature. But this theory is complicated when you consider the fluidity of memory. Some of the ‘moments’ I’m attempting to replicate might not be my own moments at all but something I saw in a film, or something I told myself so many times that it coalesced into something more concrete. With the influence of media and the fact we’re exposed to so much information in a day, it could be considered a tragedy that increasingly, our memories are not our own. Additionally, we outsource our memories- into digital photo albums and archives, and Google means we don’t need to be able to recall specific facts and information. This circumvents the need to process memories, to integrate them into our schema. They become less a part of our inner world and more of a marketable identity- a series of experiences and sensations that can be encapsulated into a pretty photograph. Maybe I’m being cynical here but I’ve felt myself in the last few years, that I am experiencing the world in a more superficial way and I think this comes from the fact that I am bombarded with so much information every day and have less and less time to process it. People advocate for a mindfulness approach in allowing us to be more present, but I think an essential component we’re neglecting is also time to parse this information. 

I try to allay any anxieties I have about this state of affairs with embracing the idea of the ‘hive mind’. I’m coming at this from a relatively uninformed angle- I haven’t read a whole lot about collective thought and how it might be integrated into the digital Information Age. Putting aside for a moment the unsavoury inequity inevitably wrought by capitalism, we can see social media and shared memories as a modern iteration of the fact that humans are ultimately social creatures. Social media is and can be a wellspring of creativity and, at the risk of sounding way too grandiose, acts as a placeholder for religion in secular society- that is the sense of connectedness and being part of something bigger. AI provides the potential to generate entirely new material from our collective efforts and creations (again, if you can put aside the economic implications this has for artists). All our individual thoughts and experiences are delineated into a scrollable consumable, which, via our engagement, feeds into algorithms which aid the creation of further content and clickables, a digital Ouroboros (again, with the grandiosity).

But now, away from the Borg and back to my own individual experience (because that’s why I’m keeping this blog?). A few years ago, I worked for a while on a vineyard in New Zealand. Initially I was working on the harvest- it was fairly monotonous, physical labour, but I enjoyed it. I think I once read in a museum some historic piece of anti-Irish propaganda- efforts to Google it yielded nothing, only some funny and kind of pertinent results- I’ll share them here. Anyway, this piece was of course written from a colonialist perspective and painted the Irish as dull-witted and suited to monotonous, laborious tasks. It crossed my mind in my enjoyment of the harvest work, that maybe there was substance to that theory. In general, I was living at the time in a way that might be more similar to agrarian communities from long ago- we went to sleep every night when the sun went down, rose when it came up and because there was no phone reception our access to technology was very limited. It was a social job and the harvest workers spent a lot of time chatting amongst ourselves but equally there were periods of silence while we worked. It was in these silent periods that I became aware of the fact that my thoughts were operating differently and I found myself often accessing my memories as a means of entertainment. I was recalling specific memories and information I’d forgotten I even had- like I suddenly remembered how to count to 10 in Slovene. These memories didn’t just exist as objective facts or stories or pictures in my mind- they brought with them feelings and sensations which coloured and enhanced my present experience of the world. I remember thinking about Wordsworth, and how when he found himself ‘in vacant or in pensive mood’, he remembered his daffodils and I realised what a source of consolation memories could be. I felt, I think for the first time, an appreciation of a sentiment often espoused by older people, that no matter what happens or who comes or goes in your life, you will always have your memories and now I’m kind of afraid that this is increasingly not the case.

[sagesipsblog]

This has been a learning experience for me - for you, too, I hope.

I think there is more to take away from this than just dice & image meanings.

This series has been a proof of concept experience: the REAL oracle is our human intuition. Tools and amplifiers like dice, cards, tea leaves, charms, chicken bones or whatever are truly just that. These things and techniques are portals, energizers and amplifiers that help us to access and communicate our own innate intuition and psychic ability better. Because they have a similar function in support of our innate intuition, different oracles can be learned and used in similar ways. There is a great deal of overlap on the energy / intuitive level despite surface differences.

Consciousness and the human experience is expansive and too enormous for any one oracle to encapsulate everything for everyone. The exponential combinations of a handful of cards or dice come close. There are 138 sides in the dice set, rolling 22 dice  - if you calculate it out, you get a number so big I don't even know how to name it. Still, we can learn to work within that enormity and use these intuition helpers in the same way we learn anything. Learning an oracle tool can be logical, methodical and intuitive all at the same time.

We've dug down through the layers starting with the individual images on the dice, the meanings associated with the individual dice cubes. In the last post,  we talked about connecting all of those things.

The foundation goes full circle. Once you dig down to the nitty-gritty and build up all of the layers of meaning, you have to knit it all together. Think of language - it's no coincidence we call these things readings. We've learned words (side images) and we've learned the syntax and grammar (dice, lord cards) now it's time to make some sentences. It's time to take this whole project and make it make sense and be use-able. A reading takes all of the digging and layerering and glues it all together into some sort of cohesive whole. THAT is the hardest part. The level of difficulty increases exponentially with each moving part in a reading and the trillions of potential combinations in the case of a 22 dice roll. That is why genuine psychics still exist - anyone can learn to do this, but not everyone has the knack or desire to do all of that digging and layering and gluing. If you pay for an authentic professional reading, you are getting real artistry and skill.

This is also why I cap my Tarot layouts at 7 cards. Larger layouts, like the Celtic Cross or a full 22 dice throw are certainly DO-able, I just find them unwieldy, potentially contradictory and just plain overkill. Why use a chainsaw when all you need is a pair of scissors?

Here is how I'm going to do this...it might not 100% align with the method described in the guide book, but I'm taking artistic liberty since I'm only using a portion of the dice instead of the full roll described.

Since the reading cloth image is a circle, and the dice can potentially orient in any direction of those 365 degrees, I'm going to read the image as-is, no consideration to reversals as you would in Tarot when the cards are all aligned along a single axis.

The dice on the "core" area hold more immediate importance and strength compared to the dice in the outer areas. You all know how I feel about predictions, so tying this to time just doesn't work for me. I used this side of the reading cloth because as I was setting up for the video, this side felt most right - perhaps most needed by the most people of those who watch and read this. Rather than past, present, future and fated, I think of this in terms of strength of the energy's influence: Core is the strongest then fated, future, present and past in descending order of influence. Yes, that is very much like the fading-current-growing energy card positions that I wrote into  my Tarot layout. I've used it for years, and it. Just. Works. It makes sense to continue that proven foundation in this new oracle method.

Since all of the dice fell in the main center circle, that's as far as I'll take it. The guidebook talks about how to handle dice on the outer portions of the reading cloth or that fall off of the cloth or table altogether. I leave that for you to figure out if you are interested in getting a set of dice and reading for yourself.

Of the two dice that fell in the core circle, the slightly higher one, relative to where I'm sitting, most catches my attention. It is the grey relations dice on the "alone" face. It shows a single person in a bubble.  

The guide book divides the interpretation of any die between when the die lands in the core and when it is elsewhere. In the core, the "alone" face speaks to the querent being the sole focus of the reading (which is my policy for all readings anyway.) This interpretation is a validation for me of something that has been niggling at me for the past few posts - this really is an intensely focused, intimate, personal, individual oracle. This oracle tool isn't well suited to the at-large collective energy readings of the type we do here with Tarot cards. This is a fantastic tool and technique, but for private readings, not blog readings.

The other core is the  action die. When we first rolled it, we saw the "judgment" face with scales and a lot of justice energy. This is the "sacrifice" face, intended (especially at the core) to represent something large and difficult that is being released or a big sacrifice that was made to gain something currently in the querent's life. Seven Dane Asmund cautions that it "is likely to be a gut wrenching reading. Be prepared."

Next in level of intensity, we have two dice in the "fated" area. The one on the right catches my attention the most of the two. That is the  Elements die on the "wind" face and it relates to a fickle, difficult or changeable person or situation. I get an eight of wands sort of energy here - things up in the air, out of our control, and it is a matter of waiting to see where things land before we can assess and react.

The other high energy "fated"  die is the Goblin on the "obsession" face. The guidebook mentions how this die is very often modified or characterized by nearby dice. In this case, the fickle, changeable, difficult, up in the air,beyond reach, not under our control thing has been top of mind, perhaps too much. Taken together with the sacrifice die face - we get a "let it go" message.

The next tier of energy, "present" gives us the same face of the  Summer die that we first saw, "gain." This die is off alone and gives a stand-alone vibe. It feels simple and good and an omen of good fortune - this is a good energy time for paying attention to your creativity and livelihood, especially if the two intersect somehow. All good vibes with that one.

The lowest energy brings the obstacles dice on the emergence face which edges out the Alley die and its "scavenge" face which feels very much on its way out of the door. Of those two the energy definitely lies with the "obstacles" die and its "emergence" image.

The image depicts escape from obstacles, or from a mental or emotional trap. This "getting unstuck" feeling resonates with Hanged Man in reverse in Tarot. There is also a similarity to the five of swords in Tarot with this "overcoming obstacles" energy, especially as Matt Evans drew the five of swords for the Witches Tarot deck. There is also a bit of the Queen of Swords in the way the die relates to "recognizing your power in the moment and rising up beyond what has kept you from feeling free" as the oracle author puts it.

Being in this low key position on the cloth, whether you look at it as time related or not, reminds us that breaking free, picking up the mantle of our power, living free and true to ourselves is not a one time event but instead is an ongoing process.

And there if feels like the energy steps back bringing this reading to a conclusion.

Once again, many thanks to Seven Dane Asmund and Publishing Goblin LLC for permission to use his excellent Tarot, dice and oracle cards in this blog and associated social media.

In a few weeks we'll start a new "learn with me" series looking at the Lenormand Tarot. I'll be using the Healing Light Lenomand deck under the  "free teaching" permissions granted by the publisher https://www.llewellyn.com/about/permissions_tarot.php

Newletter / digest will be on Medium later today. No "weekend shif" Friday post this week. Next up, it seems is next week's energy path reading.

Thank you so much for reading today and following along with this first "learn with me" series.

Any likes, blog subscriptions (it's free! Just enter your email in the right column or a the bottom of the mobile page) social media follows (@sagewordstarot) like, shares and comments are all much appreciated!

See you at the next sip!

[halodbethyname]

Planets Through the Houses Part 1

FIRST HOUSE: (the house of self, self expression, personal viewpoint, initiave, life direction.) energy of planets here are felt strongly, being so close to the ascendant, which represents our personal perspective on the world. Planets in the first also have an affect on ones appearance, though this is more thoroughly explained by sign placement as well as house and planet placement) this is a quick post and ive never really done a big post like this before (my lil 8h mercury is shy about sharing my insights) but as i move into my first house profection year, this feels like a great place to start, so here we go!

🌞THE SUN: in the first house, the sun endows an individual w/ great personal ambition and prowess. These are naturally upbeat people, and give off a sense of wisdom regarding the themes of the sign of the first house (i.e. libra sun+ rising- relationships/partnerships). 1h suns are confident, with natural leadership skills, but should work to employ rational thought in their decision makin process. Planning ahead can maximize the possible gains denoted by this placement.

🌕THE MOON: keyword: emotional. But thats not necessarily a bad thing! Individuals w natal first house moon are very expressive about their emotions, and will make it clear how they feel about something. This is one person whose emotions you don’t have to guess, given other chart factors are favorable to self expression. These natives can have a heavy concern for their own personal interests and emotions. They are advised to watch their tongue with others, as quick words can be damaging, even if they feel true. There is increased passion and positivity with this placement, but the lesson remains to listen before one reacts. Natives tend to have a youthful, jolly disposition, and are quite beautiful. They can grab the attention of the public.

🫧MERCURY: the thinker. There are few better ways to encapsulate this placement in words. They can seem consumed with their own thoughts and ideas to others, even coming off as self centered at times. These people are intellectual, and known for the communication and technical skills. The lesson here is to learn to consider others opinions to build on one’s own perspective.

🪷VENUS: the pretty one. Venus in the first is remarked for their noticeable beauty and grace, and others tend to find them very attractive. Venus in the first loves adornment (jewelry, self beautification, finery/fine clothing) and even has a tendency sometimes to detriment itself to achieve these things. Venus in the first can be an overspender in the pursuit of aesthetics, natives of this placement are urged to start a budget and work within it, the longevity of your finances will greatly benefitted. These natives are also quite romance/partnership focused, and in relationships, should take care to make careful relationship decisions if they are looking for a long term relationship.venus in the first adds a level of impulsivity to romantic matters.

💥MARS: two words: HIGH energy. (Mars in taurus and pisces are still affected but it is stronger w/ other signs.) ambition and drive characterize these natives, and they can seem to always be active. Those w/ this placement are encouraged to employ stategic thinking and patience to their willpower, to minimize accidents and maximize potential! With mars placed and aspected well, this is considered a lucky placement.

🌟JUPITER: creativity and confidence can come naturally to this placement, and others are drawn to their optimism and joviality. They adapt well to almost any social situation, fitting into the biggest of pictures. These natives are abundant w opportunities for self expression, and may become enraptured by their hobbies. They are encouraged to explore these hobbies, find new ones, and if possible, do some world travel and extra-cultural exploration. Risks taken can be very positive for these natives. (Check other chart factors before adhering to that one😂)

🪐SATURN: the greater malefic, people tend to hesitate with wide eyes when saturn comes up, and for good reason. Saturn does not play around. Saturn in the first can endow an individual w/ many responsibilities at an early age. Saturn repesents limitations/structure one must overcome or work within, and thus being in the first house, a native may struggle with self expression and exerting personal boundaries. That is the lesson here however, and the flipside to saturn energy is that those who can integrate this energy healthily almost always benefit greatly from their hard work, which saturn rewards.

🌬URANUS: the individual. One is enouraged to actively define oneself. This placement can be somewhat of a loner, feeling most comfortable with their own opinions and like minded individuals, but is ENCOURAGED to go out into the world and find new people/experiences. Uranus is the planet of shock factor, and brings completely unforseen surprises both good and bad. Uranus in the first is encouraged to socialize and exert their personal energy, but advised to think carefully about the things they discard from their life, as they are often want to return. The natives are often seen as being ahead of their time, and very unique as people. Last but by far not least, one is encourage to open up their perspective, allow the opinions of others to color your own and broaden your ideas, one cannot revolutionize if one cannot grow.

🌊NEPTUNE: the sensitive one. Neptune in the first can spend a lot of time questioning their perspective and desires, and it is best for them (in most cases) to allow this development to occur naturally without attempts to force it. One is encouraged to take good care of their mental health, possibly with therapy, and explore their spritiual side. Meditation can be beneficial. This native has the opportunity to discover endless creative development in their own talents and skill. Natives to this placement are generally attractive, with an elusive quality about them that generates curiosity around them.

🌪PLUTO: these people have a notable intensity, in their gaze, in their presence, in their passion. Pluto in the first gives strong willpower to the native, inherent ability to achieve one’s goals. Natives may have had several or many formative experiences as a child that drastically shaped them today. With this in mind, pluto in the first is encouraged to direct this great willpower into personal gain, where it will be most beneficial, as there is a tendency to use it instead for manipulative/controlling purposes against others. Try to avoid this, the potential here for personal gain is grand if one keeps the power they have in check and perspective.

Alrighty so there’s my first post! Im thinking about either doing a post on the ascendant through different signs, ORRRR continuing in this vein and doing planets through the second house next, lmk in the comments what youd like to hear about, even if it isnt these two!!

[sokkastyles]

And it really calls into question how we think of Stockholm Syndrome and how there are so many phrases and ideas in our culture that we don’t examine enough, especially for the subtle ways they undermine women’s agency. Stockholm Syndrome is not a recognized diagnosis or disorder, and there are no accepted criteria for diagnosing it. But that doesn’t stop armchair psychiatrists from misapplying the idea to things like women in abusive relationships.

But Stockholm Syndrome is not the same as abuse, in fact, it’s a potentially very flawed idea that fails to encapsulate all the complexities of human emotion, survival responses, and psychology. The actual accounts of the Stockholm situation are far more about the hostages learning to see their captors as people, and developing empathy (which is what most of us do when we meet people).

It is, essentially, human nature for someone in such a situation to feel (and inspire) empathy for their captors—which would better increase their chances for survival—and to reduce it to a syndrome is a way of reducing women’s feelings and humanity to something both outside of their control, as well as equivalent to mental illness and insanity.

The conflation of women’s feelings and actions with mental illness has a long and terrible history. Not just in the sense that women’s tendency to be “ruled by their emotions” is the basis for so much sexism, but the very concept of “hysteria” which literally means madness from the uterus. The pernicious idea that being a woman makes our decisions suspect, our perceptions of reality invalid, and our actions not our own is incredibly damaging and yet that kind of sexism is baked deep into our culture.

The fact that the term Stockholm Syndrome was coined as a way to explain away women’s experience and agency, and even used to dismiss other women’s accountability for their own decisions, is very telling. but honestly not surprising. Society goes out of its way all the time to make women seem unhinged or stupid or just incapable of their own decisions. Let’s not allow that to continue.

- (source)

Considering recent discussions about Zutara and problematic shipping, I am fascinated with this and the way that Katara having empathy for Zuko is pathologized in-story as part of a narrative that she’s overly emotional and irrational. How her bonding with him while they’re both held captive is turned into some lurid capture fantasy by the play, and how Bryke themselves accused their female fans of idealizing abusive relationships because of the popularity of Zutara, even though Katara's empathy for Zuko was a natural result of caring for someone she saw as another victim like her, and even though Zuko apologized to her first, and when he hurt her, she held him accountable.

People use "Stockholm syndrome" so often to talk about enemies to lovers ships or Beauty and the Beast-esque narratives under the guise of protecting women, and that also applies to the discussion of certain fanfiction tropes, capture fics, arranged marriage, and other tropes that explore sexual dynamics in a dark or dubcon way.

But, going back to the Zutara example and how certain parts of the fandom paint it as abuse because of the mere possibility of an unequal power dynamic, and, on the other side, Zutara fans who scramble to assure the rest of the fandom that they only ship it in the most “pure” way to combat accusations of apologism, a lot of this seems to stem from a preemptive desire to protect women from not abusive men, as is the expressed purpose, but from themselves. And this goes back to the Stockholm situation as well. The man who coined the term did so because he was trying to explain why a female victim might resist his attempts to define her experience. If you look at Beauty and the Beast, for example, which often gets these accusations of stockholm syndrome thrown at it, the person in-story who is most invested in the narrative that Belle is crazy for loving the Beast and doesn't know her own emotions or what’s good for her is Gaston, the guy who wants her for himself.

It's also noticeable that Stockholm syndrome as a label is almost always applied to romantic/sexual situations, even though the term originated from a hostage situation at a bank that was not at all romantic or sexual. People who say that zutara would enable a similar dynamic often praise Katara's friendship with Zuko and her empathy for him, her willingness to heal her enemy and her forgiveness of him later. But apply romance to the equation and suddenly that empathy is assumed to be something unhealthy. People say a romance would "belittle" their friendship, as if romance and friendship cannot exist alongside each other. There's a clear distinction here that seems to imply that romantic feelings, or at least, romantic feelings in women, are governed by irrationality. The pop culture view of Stockholm syndrome is of a woman falling in love with her captor, even though the original situation did not involve any of the hostages falling in love with the bank robbers. But this was used to explain and pathologize a woman's fear of the police who were supposed to rescue her. What it's really about, then, is a fear of female desire and female autonomy, especially sexual autonomy, and a paternal desire to keep women under control under the guise of "what's best."

[fatliberation]

I’m Abandoning Body Positivity and Here’s Why

In short: it’s fatphobic.

“A rallying cry for a shift in societal norms has now become the skinny girl’s reassurance that she isn’t really fat. Fatness, through this lens of ‘body positivity’, remains the worst thing a person can be.” (Kayleigh Donaldson)

•  •  •

I have always had a lot of conflicting opinions about the body positivity movement, but it’s much more widely known (and accepted, go figure) than the fat liberation movement, so I often used the two terms interchangeably in conversation about anti-fatness. But the longer I’ve been following the body positivity movement, the more I’ve realized how much it has strayed from its fat lib origins. It has been hijacked; deluded to center thin, able, white, socially acceptable bodies.

Bopo’s origins are undoubtedly grounded in fat liberation. The fat activists of the 1960s paved the way for the shred of size acceptance we see in media today, initially protesting the discrimination and lack of access to equal opportunities for fat people specifically. This early movement highlighted the abuse, mental health struggles, malpractice in the medical field, and called for equal pay, equal access, equal respect, an end to fatphobic structures and ideas. It saddens me that it hasn’t made much progress in those regards. 

Today, the #bopo movement encapsulates more the idea of loving your own body versus ensuring that individuals regardless of their weight and appearance are given equal opportunities in the workplace, schools, fashion and media. Somehow those demands never made it outside of the ‘taboo’ category, and privileged people would much more readily accept the warm and fuzzy, sugar-coated message of “love yourself!” But as @yrfatfriend once said, this idea reduces fat people’s struggles to a problem of mindset, rather than a product of external oppressors that need to be abolished in order for fat people to live freely.

That generalized statement, “love yourself,” is how a movement started by fat people for the rights of fat people was diluted so much, it now serves a thin model on Instagram posting about how she has a tummy roll and cellulite on her thighs - then getting praised for loving her body despite *gasp!* its minor resemblance to a fat body. 

Look. Pretty much everyone has insecurities about their bodies, especially those of us who belong to marginalized groups. If you don’t have body issues, you’re a privileged miracle, but our beauty-obsessed society has conditioned us to want to look a certain way, and if we have any features that the western beauty standard considers as “flaws,” yeah! We feel bad about it! So it’s not surprising that people who feel bad about themselves would want to hop on a movement that says ‘hey, you’re beautiful as you are!’ That’s a message everyone would like to hear. Any person who has once thought of themselves as less than beautiful now feels that this movement is theirs. And everyone has insecurities, so everyone feels entitled to the safe space. And when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. What I’m trying to explain here is that thin people now feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces. 

Regardless of how badly thin people feel about their bodies, they still experience thin privilege. They can sit down in a theater or an airplane without even thinking about it, they can eat in front of others without judgement, they can go the doctor with a problem and actually have it fixed right away, they can find cute clothes in their size with ease, they do not suffer from assumptions of laziness/failure based on stereotype, they see their body type represented everywhere in media, the list goes on and on. They do not face discrimination based off of the size of their body. 

Yet diet culture and fatphobia affects everyone, and of course thin people do still feel bad about the little fat they have on their bodies. But the failure to examine WHY they feel bad about it, is what perpetuates fatphobia within the bopo movement. They’re labeled “brave” for showing a pinch of chub, yet fail to address what makes it so acceptably daring, and how damaging it is to people who are shamed for living in fat bodies. Much like the rest of society, thin body positivity is still driven by the fear of fat, and does nothing to dismantle fatphobia within structures or within themselves.

Evette Dionne sums it up perfectly in her article, “The Fragility of Body Positivity: How a Radical Movement Lost Its Way.”

“The body-positive media economy centers these affirming, empowering, let-me-pinch-a-fat-roll-to-show-how-much-I-love-myself stories while failing to actually challenge institutions to stop discriminating against fat people. More importantly, most of those stories center thin, white, cisgender, heterosexual women who have co-opted the movement to build their brands. Rutter has labeled this erasure ‘Socially Acceptable Body Positivity.’

“On social media, it actually gets worse for fat bodies: We’re not just being erased from body positivity, fat women are being actively vilified. Health has become the stick with which to beat fat people with [sic], and the benchmark for whether body positivity should include someone” (Dionne).

Ah, yes. The medicalization of fat bodies, and the moralization of health. I’ve ranted about this before. Countless comments on posts of big women that say stuff like “I’m all for body positivity, but this is just unhealthy and it shouldn’t be celebrated.” I’ve heard writer/activist Aubrey Gordon once say that body positivity has become something like a shield for anti-fatness. It’s anti-fatness that has been repackaged as empowerment. It’s a striking double-standard. Fat people are told to be comfortable in their bodies (as if that’s what’s going to fix things) but in turn are punished when they’re okay with being fat. Make it make sense.

Since thin people feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces, and they get to hide behind “health” when they are picking and choosing who can and cannot be body positive, they base it off of who looks the most socially acceptable. And I’m sure they aren’t consciously picking and choosing, it comes from implicit bias. But the socially acceptable bodies they center are small to medium fat, with an hourglass shape. They have shaped a new beauty standard specifically FOR FAT PEOPLE. (Have you ever seen a plus sized model with neck fat?? I’m genuinely asking because I have yet to find one!) The bopo movement works to exclude and silence people who are on the largest end of the weight spectrum. 

Speaking of exclusion, let’s talk about fashion for a minute.

For some reason, (COUGH COUGH CAPITALISM) body positivity is largely centered around fashion. And surprise surprise, it’s still not inclusive to fat people. Fashion companies get a pat on the back for expanding their sizing two sizes up from what they previously offered, when they are still leaving out larger fat people completely. In general, clothing companies charge more for clothes with more fabric, so people who need the largest sizes are left high and dry. It’s next to impossible to find affordable clothes that also look nice. Fashion piggybacks on the bopo movement as a marketing tactic, and exploits the very bodies it claims to be serving. (Need I mention the time Urban Outfitters used a "curvy” model to sell a size it doesn’t even carry?)

The movement also works to exclude and silence fat Black activists.

In her article, “The Body Positivity Movement Both Takes From and Erases Fat Black Women” Donyae Coles explains how both white people and thin celebrities such as Jameela Jamil profit from the movement that Black women built.

“Since long before blogging was a thing, fat Black women have been vocal about body acceptance, with women like Sharon Quinn and Marie Denee, or the work of Sonya Renee Taylor with The Body Is Not An Apology. We’ve been out here, and we’re still here, but the overwhelming face of the movement is white and thin because the mainstream still craves it, and white and thin people have no problem with profiting off the work of fat, non-white bodies.”

“There is a persistent belief that when thin and/or white people enter the body positive realm and begin to repeat the messages that Black women have been saying for years in some cases, when they imitate the labor that Black women have already put in that we should be thankful that they are “boosting” our message. This completely ignores the fact that in doing so they are profiting off of that labor. They are gaining the notoriety, the mark of an expert in something they learned from an ignored Black woman” (Coles).

My next essay will go into detail about this and illuminate key figures who paved the way for body acceptance in communities of color. 

The true purpose of this movement has gotten completely lost. So where the fuck do we go from here? 

We break up with it, and run back to the faithful ex our parents disapproved of. We go back to the roots of the fat liberation movement, carved out for us by the fat feminists, the queer fat activists, the fat Black community, and the allies it began with. Everything they have preached since the 1960s and 70s is one hundred percent applicable today. We get educated. We examine diet culture through a capitalist lens. We tackle thin, white-supremacist systems and weight based discrimination, as well as internalized bias. We challenge our healthcare workers to unlearn their bias, treat, and support fat patients accordingly. We make our homes and spaces accessible and welcoming to people of any size, or any (dis)ability. “We must first protect and uplift people in marginalized bodies, only then can we mandate self-love” (Gordon).

Think about it. In the face of discrimination, mistreatment, and emotional abuse, we as a society are telling fat people to love their bodies, when we should be putting our energy toward removing those fatphobic ideas and structures so that fat people can live in a world that doesn’t require them to feel bad about their bodies. It’s like hitting someone with a rock and telling them not to bruise!

While learning to love and care for the body that you’re in is important, I think that body positivity also fails in teaching that because it puts even more emphasis on beauty. Instead of saying, “you don’t have to be ‘beautiful’ to be loved and appreciated,” its main lesson is that “all bodies are beautiful.” We live in a society obsessed with appearance, and it is irresponsible to ignore the hierarchy of beauty standards that exist in every space. Although it should be relative, “beautiful” has been given a meaning. And that meaning is thin, abled, symmetric, and eurocentric. 

Beauty and ugliness are irrelevant, made-up constructs. People will always be drawn to you no matter what, so you deserve to exist in your body without struggling to conform to an impossible and bigoted standard. Love and accept your body for YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE, because you do not exist to please the eyes of other people. That’s what I wish we were teaching instead. Radical self acceptance!

As of today, the ultimate message of the body positivity movement is: Love your body “despite its imperfections.” Or people with “perfect and imperfect bodies both deserve love.” As long as we are upholding the notion that there IS a perfect body that looks a certain way, and every body that falls outside of that category is imperfect, we are upholding white supremacy, eugenics, anti-fatness, and ableism.

[rosehaunt]

hey :) you and your sister have such an unique taste in fashion, which i really really admire and i’m in the process of finding my own personal style and what feels right for me but i’m struggling because i’m stuck between how i want to dress x how i want to be seen. there are multiple styles i’m interested in and i feel like every one of them projects a different message, a different personality i guess, and then i don’t know who i am and how i want to project myself lol or i don’t know if i just care too much about other people’s opinions. i was wondering if you have any advice?

Hi! You’re very sweet, thank you! 🤍 My advice would be don’t try to encapsulate your entire personality towards pieces of clothing. It’s perfectly alright to wear what you like even if it doesn’t “make sense”, or you feel like it’s not “cohesive”. A culmination of everything you like is what a personal style IS at the end of the day. We contain multitudes in terms of personality, let that just be your fashion and interests too, we’re always going to be gathering new things to like. Honestly just wear what you want, if you love multiple styles, wear it? mesh them together? have fun and play around! Don’t think too hard <3 I personally don’t have a fixed style either, I would have no clue what to categorise my wardrobe as collectively by looking at it, and I’m perfectly okay with that lol. Also on the “don’t know who I am”, that is a continual journey, forever evolving, so there’s no point trying to solidify a fixed style when we ourselves will always change. Obviously at our core we will be the same though. Lastly, caring about peoples opinions, let it go, simple, this world has started to really drill this annoying trend of “everything has to be an aesthetic” “you have to be a set cool aesthetic” no.

[brydeswhale]

People hating Mabel for being a child and having crushes and wanting romances, yet they don't look down on Dipper for his unattainable crush on Wendy??? Like, when Dipper wanted Mabel to just "get over" losing her pig in that time-line so he could "be with" Wendy even though it still wouldn't have ever became anything more than a friendship.

What’s interesting is that the pig episode itself calls out Dipper’s behaviour by having Wendy as a child approaching him with a crush, showing how strange and awkward it would be from the other side of his weird obsession. It was just that fandom drank too much of that misogyny flavoured soda to really get it.

I always feel like some people’s reaction to Mabel and to Sansa from ASIOAF were pretty similar. They were both really rooted in the whole “not like other girls/I’m a geek and girls didn’t like me bc I like comics” that really encapsulated a LOT of 00s-early tens position on female characters only being acceptable as either waiflike assassin types or alienated NLOG. Mabel and Sansa somehow both represented the girls these ppl resented in middle school.*

(Also can we please divorce the idea that NLOG just means GNC? I’ve known a LOT of GNC girls throughout my life and VERY few of them were NLOGs. Most NLOGs I’ve known and been were actually hyper-feminine in a very puritanically conserve way. Sarah Z is a good youtuber, but she was way off base on that one.)

Of course, I don’t mean to put all of the backlash on Mabel at fandom’s feet. The creative team certainly loved to “call” Mabel on her “selfishness”. There’s an entire comic post-series about her discovering how horribly selfish she is and how everyone around her is so wonderfully wonderful for putting up with her.

Quick note: I do not believe there is a similar comic where Dipper comes to terms with his insufferable arrogance and borderline “nice guy” syndrome, but i don’t know where our collection of gravity falls comics went, because we moved twice since then.

But at the same time, I don’t believe the creative team really expected fandom to be as misogynistic as it was and, to a certain extent, still is. Such vitriol did fall slightly out of favour post gravity falls and “younger” fandoms now seem to reserve their ire mainly for characters of colour.

I think they really intended Mabel to be seen as simply a likeable young girl with some unique flaws. Especially since they quickly matched her against the much more traditionally antagonistic Pacifica Northwest.

But I think a combination of a failure to understand their own internalized misogyny and a failure to understand how virulently hateful their older audience was kind of foreshadowed Mabel’s reception amongst certain audience members. Which, since Mabel was basically THE main female character, was almost predictably horrible.

Anyhow, hope this makes sense, I took my melatonin a bit ago and now I’m kind of falling asleep.

* completely off topic, but I think Sansa and Mabel would absolutely be great friends. They’re both crafty and cute, almost the same age, they both have annoying siblings who dismiss them and their interests as stupid, they’re both much closer to one caregiver than the other, they both like pets. They’d get along like a house on fire.

[bettsfic]

hi betts! i got very interested in your posts esp the implied author. i wanna ask a question (if you dont mind!). so about the implied author, i always feel like that my writings though beautiful always lack mentioned maturity and read very... YA-ish? its not something im trying to achieve. i want to make it more mature and 'classical'. do you have a tips for this? im not aware enough of what to improve on to achieve that, basically. thank you in advance!

this is a great question! unfortunately, though, i don't have a handy dandy term like "implied author" to thoroughly encapsulate my possibly abstract answer.

first, while i understand your goals, i think beautiful prose, and the focus thereof, is still a very important pursuit. there's also nothing wrong with being YA-ish; the implied author comes from a book called the rhetoric of fiction, and the title implies that it's a study of fiction in interaction with an audience. so different readers get different things out of what they read (i wrote about this more in my june newsletter). possibly your perspective is something someone else hasn't seen before, and you've offered them something new without even knowing.

that said, i absolutely understand the drive to have a wider perspective, and write things that you find more complicated and challenging. however, the only way i can answer this is with metaphors couched in narrative, of how i learned about how to approach my writing differently, and which presumably, maybe widened a reader's sense of my implied author (but since i can't be a reader of my own work, there's no way to tell for sure).

so, i once took a creative nonfiction seminar during which i read a whole bunch of memoirs, and the final project was either a research paper or a personal essay. obviously i chose the personal essay. i decided to write about my ex-boyfriend, with whom i'd broken up five years earlier, and i was still very fucked up about it even though we'd been broken up far longer than we were together.

looking back on that essay, it reads like a sales pitch, ten pages of me just pleading with the reader to see my side of the situation, to see how i was the victim, sympathize with me and not him. he's the evil one. hate him with me. please please please.

it was not a good look.

there was a lot of unprocessed grief in that essay, a lot of anger. it was clear i had no wider perspective of the situation other than wallowing in my own narrow feelings about it. i was telling the reader what to think about me, about him, about the situation, rather than conveying the situation as it truly was and allowing them to draw their own conclusions.

in nonfiction, that's terrifying, because it potentially paints me in a negative light. a reader may see my actions and think poorly of me. and honestly, looking back, they should. i was as toxic to my ex as he was to me. i was not good to him at all.

but see, that's an example of me telling you what to think. in the essay, i am pretty much saying outright, "he is evil. hate him." i want to force the reader to be on my side. but after a mental breakdown and a lot of trauma therapy, i was able to step out of the situation and my feelings thereof, and see it from a much wider perspective, and instead of putting my actual emotions on the page, i'm able to illustrate honestly the emotions i felt at the time. i am no longer in the story. i'm outside of it.

here are the events as they actually happened: one night, he didn't come home. i texted him. i tried to call him. i waited a couple more hours and called him again. he came home as i was looking up numbers to nearby hospitals, around four a.m. he wouldn't tell me where he'd been. the next day i found a bunch of hickeys on his neck. i was hurt, and angry, and i pushed him. i told him to get out of my house. he still denied it, and kept denying it for hours longer, until finally admitting he'd been dating someone else for months. i couldn't find it in myself to blame him. to me, it was my fault for not being good enough for him, for not fitting into the shape of someone he could love.

there was more to the story than that; he was financially dependent on me, he was no longer attracted to me and felt trapped in our relationship, my father had just died and i couldn't even begin to grieve over the loss of someone whose life mine revolved around.

but an essay -- or a short story, a novel, a poem -- can't ever render reality exactly as it is. we as writers are always just curators of experiences, images, sentences. there's a lot of fear in that, of leaving out details, of being misunderstood. but that's the inherent risk of art.

the lesson i brought back to fiction is this:

it's not my job as a writer to place judgment on my characters, but to simply convey the story as it happens. my characters may have biases, misperceptions, judgments, and opinions, but they are not mine. widening the implied author, so to speak, is a process of removing yourself from your prose.

obviously you will make characters who are like you in some ways, and so they may share traits with you. they may be identical to you in every way. but they are not you, and cannot be you. possibly the implied author is the absence of ego. or maybe it's an embrace of the self and the world as things that can't be fully known.

i think about films that have a wide implied author versus a narrow one (in my opinion; see above point about fiction as rhetoric). to me, pacific rim has a very wide implied author. even though all the characters in the movie take the events therein very seriously, i know that the mind creating this story knows it's kind of ridiculous, even though it's not a comedy. they know this wild, over-the-top conceit is a vehicle for the more complicated and nuanced experience of intimacy and trust.

a narrow implied author would be zack snyder's justice league. that film leaves me with no evidence that the mind behind it is capable of truly understanding experiences beyond their own, or using their medium to render a nuanced portrayal of being. that doesn't mean snyder isn't, in reality, capable of those things, or that the movie isn't enjoyable on an aesthetic level, but that i found no evidence in the text of, well, themes. it's just...characters doing things. i see no exploration in it, no question that the narrative addresses.

which leads me to my second point, which is that i think the widest implied authors are the ones who are vulnerable enough not to have an answer or conclusion, to simply discover and explore larger questions.

so, what questions do you have? what things do you not know? what are you most afraid to convey or admit?

in some ways, my answer to your question is that you don't have to worry about it, because the implied author is the experience of the reader, which you can't control. however, i think all of us, myself included, can work toward a greater perspective of ourselves and our world, to understand things to a more complex degree. and beautifully, writing helps us do that, at the risk of exposing the things we don't know, the questions we can't answer, our true colors which may be darker and uglier than we'd like to admit.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Article by Amelia A. J. Foy

Happy Bisexual Visibility Day! On this day, we celebrate ourselves as bisexual people in a world that often overlooks our community in both a heteronormative sense and as a part queer culture. Despite the B in LGBTQ+ standing for bisexual and our long history in the fight for queer liberation, we are often left out of narratives surrounding LGBTQ+ issues and experiences. For example, you’ve probably never seen a coming-of-age story where the character is discovering their bisexual identity in the same way you have movies like Love, Simon or the plethora of other straight films about young romance. This is because bisexuality is often framed as being both gay and straight; however, the issues our community faces are unique to bisexual+ people (those who are multi-gender attracted) and, whilst I definitely saw myself in Love, Simon and cried my eyes out, it did not wholly encapsulate my experience.

Seeing actual bisexual representation in the media now warms my heart, but it is few and far between: actually getting it right is even rarer. Sure, Glee had a bisexual character when I grew up watching it, but her ex-girlfriend then gets with a lesbian and says, “now I don’t have to worry about my girlfriend straying for penis”, so it didn’t really do much for me. Especially as a young, confused teenager.

This is why we need visibility. Now, visibility is not the be-all-end-all of our liberation or acceptance into culture. Visibility can often come at the price of facing more danger and being hypervigilant, and places the onus of acceptance on marginalised people not “putting themselves out there” more. Many bisexual people also aren’t visible for many reasons, one of which being for their own safety, and another being that we are often read as either gay or straight based on our partnering at the time. It erases a massive part of our experience.

However, this is why visibility is particularly important to the bisexual community. Bi-erasure and invisibility is linked to the rates of poor mental health within our community specifically, because it is a unique challenge we face. Then, if we come out, we face exclusion from queer and heterosexual spaces alike, and social exclusion is also correlated with worse mental health. In fact, bisexual people face higher levels of anxiety, depression and suicidality than not just heterosexual people, but lesbian and gay people, too. We also encounter higher rates of sexual assault/harassment, which is particularly problematic considering many of our stereotypes centre on our “greediness” and “promiscuity”. Yet, despite a plethora of research showing us to be the most vulnerable sexual minority community, our issues are neglected, belittled and written off. Most people don’t even know how much we are suffering.

Growing up bisexual was a big confusing mess as a result. I came out seven years ago, aged 14, to the immediate reaction of “it’s a phase” from my family, meaning that I had to navigate this self-discovery on my own, quietly. Throughout the next few years, I encountered a slew of biphobic remarks and experiences:

“I turned you bisexual.” Ah, yes, I couldn’t have liked girls for ages and repressed it due to compulsory heterosexuality. That would be ridiculous. It must be your godlike attraction.

“I wouldn’t marry a bisexual because what if they wake up and want a man?” I was definitely about to propose to you in the middle of history class, so thanks for letting me down gently.

“But you’ve never dated girls before.” My nerdy ass hadn’t dated anyone before. Thinking back on this one, how weird is it to demand a 14- or 15-year-old to have a dating history to idenitify as bisexual?

“You’re too young to know.” Cool, but all the straight kids know they’re heterosexual from the jump, right?

Being in a queer toxic relationship and having no idea where to go because there were no resources for LGBTQ+ students and I had no adult support network because I was bisexual in a queer relationship… Can I get a yikes?

“Is the correct term bisexual or desperate?” Men get so mad when you’re bisexual and not into them, don’t they?

“Bisexuals are just confused.” Yes! We are! Coming out as a sexuality that is severely underrepresented and misrepresented, even in LGBTQ+ spaces, and being told by these same spaces all the ways in which you don’t belong, really sucks! It makes you doubt yourself! I was confused, and I couldn’t express it out of fear of validating this stereotype!

“I don’t think you’re really bisexual.” Well, we’ve been lipsing for months so that sounds more like a you problem to me.

“Want a threesome?” If I wanted disappointing sex I’m sure I could find it somewhere else, thanks.

Right at the start, these kind of things sent me way down into existential crisis and had me questioning my identity. I was alone, scared and confused. I felt an overwhelming pressure to just know my identity and an overwhelming pressure to fit in, and I had no resources to help me.

Bisexual teens are less likely to have access to safe spaces and supportive adults than lesbian or gay people, and that was definitely my experience. If I had just one adult to talk to at school - a counsellor or someone who ran an LGBTQ+ club, anyone - I could have avoided a lot of toxic situations and had more confidence in who I was.

Now that I have a social support network and I’m an out and proud adult, it doesn’t bother me too much. But I know how badly these kind of things can impact you, especially as a young person, and so does the research. If you are a young bisexual person, please know that you are not wrong, not indecisive, not greedy and you do not deserve any level of abuse or belittlement. I support you and there are places and spaces that will support you, too. Here’s a few online places (sorry for the UK focus!):

Bi.org

biresource.org

londonbipandas

Bicommunitynews.co.uk - particularly this page to find local bi+ meet-ups and events in the UK & Ireland

[alexbraindump]

Night in the Woods & Optimistic Nihilism, Pt. 1: Constellations

“So I believe in a universe that doesn’t care and people who do.”

Night in the Woods manages to create one of the most realistic narratives I’ve ever seen crafted in a video game. And that’s a bold statement, one that shouldn’t be tossed around lightly. Yet I feel entirely concrete in saying it. It’s quite the diverse game, dealing with a range of topics so wide that it’d be hard to cover all of them in one single post. I hope to cover more of them someday, but today I’ll be narrowing in on one specific point that resonated especially well with me personally: finding purpose in an existence that is inherently devoid of it.

And it’s here that I’m going to say that, to anyone who hasn’t played NITW yet, stop reading this right now and go pick it up. It’s only $20 and with it comes an experience that remains consistently enjoyable and impactful throughout its entire runtime. I won’t be holding back from relevant spoilers for the rest of this post, so now’s your only chance. Go away. But come back once you’ve played the game. That’d be pretty cool I think.

~~~~~~~~~~~MILD SPOILER TERRITORY BELOW~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that the uninitiated are gone, it’s finally time to wrap back around to that quote at the beginning of this post. A universe that doesn’t care, and people who do. It perfectly aligns with the definition of optimistic nihilism, a term seemingly dubbed by a youtube channel in 2017. For those who are unaware, optimistic nihilism is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s the philosophy that the universe is inherently uncaring, that there’s no concrete meaning to life that we can grasp onto, yet we as human beings are uniquely capable of creating our own meaning without requiring some higher power or order to do it for us. We can choose to pursue what we wish for out of our lives, free to choose our own individualized path through the blank slate that is existence and draw whatever patterns we may choose from it.

As you read through that brief summary you may have already begun to understand exactly why I consider Night in the Woods to align particularly well with optimistic nihilism. The game is not exactly lacking in the theme of finding meaning within things that may be meaningless in the most literal sense. It’s been there since the very beginning, with NITW’s first supplemental game Longest Night. It’s a simple little game featuring Mae, Bea, Gregg and Angus identifying various constellations and making characteristically entertaining quips about each of them. Despite the game’s relative simplicity it acts as an early (over 3 years before NITW itself released!) establishment of NITW’s ever-present theme of establishing meaning in things that don’t have meaning by themselves by using one simple thing: constellations.

Constellations are a perfect medium to establish the philosophy of optimistic nihilism and it is evident that Infinite Fall were acutely aware of that from a very early point in the development of NITW. All constellations really are just patterns of stars we may see in the sky at night that people have assigned their own patterns and meanings to. Most stars sit so far away from the Earth that the human brain struggles to even comprehend how far away they truly are beyond a simple “Wow! That’s pretty far!” They’re balls of gas, unable to care about or even recognize whatever we humans see within them. Most of them have existed for longer than we have and will continue to persist long after we die. Yet the human race has taken it upon themselves to assign patterns to them and continue recognizing said patterns long after we’ve obtained knowledge about what the stars that form them truly are. In nature they hold no inherent meaning and have no rhyme nor reason to their locations relative to each other from our perspective, yet we have used our minds to instill meaning into them and draw patterns that can only be drawn from where we stand. The universe did not care about how it put them there nor how any living being may interpret them, but people cared enough to give them meaning.

Years after the release of Longest Night, Night in the Woods proper came out. And in it the usage of stars was far from ditched. Their function as being one of the elements perpetuating NITW’s optimistic nihilism was only expanded. Every two days in the game you are offered the opportunity to choose to hunt for dusk stars with a character named Mr. Chazokov. The interactions with him themselves don’t offer much in the ways of adding upon the pre-established theme of finding meaning within none, though their mere inclusion does help cement the theme as an important part of the game. The true point in which the theme is finally brought front and center is when the player can choose to go ghost hunting with Angus at Possum Jump. After some uneventful ghost hunting, Mae and Angus decide to rest at the top of a hill and do some stargazing. At this point the game essentially retraces (literally and figuratively) all the ground covered in Longest Night. Mae connects constellations together and Angus names them and gives a brief explanation for each of them. It’s a charming little moment that eventually evolves into Angus explaining the abuse he endured throughout his childhood to Mae. But what’s relevant to this specific analysis is Angus’s attitude throughout. He continually stays true to and loops back upon the fact that, while the stars themselves are very real and the stories given to them do very much exist, the stars really don’t mean anything by themselves. It all culminates with Angus explaining his tragic childhood to Mae. But what’s important to the overall narrative of this essay is Angus’s response when Mae asks him if he believes in anything.

It’s at this point that the game gives its most obvious addressal to its philosophy of optimistic nihilism. It’s like the pot finally boils over and it says “alright, time to finally talk about this.” As a response to being prompted about his beliefs, Angus explains his thoughts by using the constellations recently outlined as a convenient example. It’s here that the quote that spurred this whole essay on shows its head. “So I believe in a universe that doesn’t care and people who do,” is the final quote summarizing Angus’s philosophy on meaning in the universe. And if that isn’t the clearest possible representation of optimistic nihilism in NITW then I don’t know what is. It’s a simple little quote, yet it manages to single handedly encapsulate what optimistic nihilism is. Of course, it’s framed as the view of one character in the game, and a character thinking something doesn’t immediately mean that the entire work subscribes to that philosophy, but as you think about NITW and its various elements more and more it becomes increasingly apparent that it is indeed representative of the philosophy of optimistic nihilism.

And with that vague statement I’ll be leaving off the first part of this little mini-project for the time being. I do intend to come back to it at some point in the (hopefully near) future, as I feel that there’s a lot more that could be said about the themes of finding meaning in Night in the Woods. Currently I’m planning on writing about why I enjoy Mae Borowski as a character so much and see her as one of my favorite video game protagonists, so that’ll probably be done before any other parts to this essay come out. Keep an eye out if you enjoy what I’m posting and want to see more, and don’t be afraid to offer any feedback you may have. There’s a contact section on my profile if you’d like the most effective ways to get in touch.

[stuffedeggplants]

1. I’m at the point in True Colors where Fi is in a coma floating in a bacta tank and it just... really made me want to stop reading for a bit. I had to put the book down after the chapter where Darman and Niner visit him aboard the ship because of how that chapter made me physically and mentally feel. I also related to it a little too much for a variety of reasons, especially right now, and I wasn't expecting something like that.

2. This may sound odd, but I think losing Niner’s POV (as far as I’ve seen) after Hard Contact is, in a way, actually part of his characterization, or at least it can be read that way. Because we’re not privy to his headspace in the same way that we’re there for a lot of the worries, anxieties, and doubts bothering men like Darman and Fi, when we do see Niner, we see him in the role that he fulfills for Omega as a unit, and I don't mean that in terms of the "describe your role in this position" way. He's providing something very grounded, like bedrock all his men can stand on so they can keep walking forward. That's who he wants to be and the only person he has ever been.

There's a part in the first book where he's having some doubts about their ability to execute their upcoming plan, but he cannot show he's feeling that way to the rest of Omega. They'll pick up on even the smallest behavioral cue from him. Fortunately Etain is able to sense how he's doing, and she gives him a little boost in the confidence he needs so that he can provide the leadership that Omega needs. So after we lose Niner's POV and our characters are exposed to more and more of the reality of their situation in a way that affects them mentally, we now mostly see Niner as the person he wants and needs to be for other people. Darman wasn't in Niner's head in the first book to learn that he might've wanted to sigh in doubt, but we were. We're not there anymore, and only see into things that bother him when something big enough happens that he shows his own frustrations or worries to somebody else, like his conversation with Darman after everyone decided not to report Sull for desertion. So we see him being the person that his entire identity hinges on him being, the person he needs to be for Omega. That's his biggest priority, and keeping of us out his head makes sure that 90% of the time we're seeing him living out that priority instead of focusing on his worries as an individual.

So though I'd love for Niner's POV to show up again, losing it has still kind of worked surprisingly well because of the unique position he's in as Omega's NCO and how he takes on that role for himself.

The fact that Niner has picked up some of Kal's habits also says a lot, and this quote of his encapsulates things pretty well because he tells us exactly who he is:

All I know is that I go out each day trying not to get killed and making sure you guys don’t die, either, nothing more than that. So … what fills that space when you leave your brothers behind?

[If I repeat myself a lot and belabor the point, that's because I'm typing this after I should've fallen asleep.]