#also i would definitely not be able to go the whole time because of clinicals

[dontmixpaintinyourcoffee]

This one goes out to all the bitches who love some good Safehouse Era Horror. It's me, I'm bitches. I want Jon and Martin to be fucked up and eldritch but I want them to be fucked up and eldritch and loved

(Notes under the cut because I can't help myself. Heads up, I do go into some detail of how Jon gets injured so I can explain my thought process for how I designed his scars. All canon-typical and fairly clinical in tone.)

Here's how I picture Safehouse Jon!

He doesn't need glasses anymore by this point, so he should just be wearing empty frames, but I drew this before I settled on my glasses headcanons. This drawing looks better with the reflection anyways.

He hasn't gotten a haircut since before his promotion to Head Archivist. He doesn't love the weight of it on his neck, but he also uses it to fidget, and he really doesn't want to go through the whole process of cutting it. He's disliked haircuts since he was a kid (People: Bad. Small talk: Bad. Touching: Bad. Loud sounds: Bad. People talking all at once: Bad) and since his time with the Circus he's only grown more reluctant to go and get it done.

At this length his hair is naturally pretty curly but he is. Not taking care of it. I actually put a lot of effort into trying to make it look brittle and tangled (I have a lot of experience lol, my hair is quite thick and I've always hated taking care of it. Yes I am also projecting my feelings about going to a hairdressers onto him why do you ask.)

The various scars were a bit of a strange task, but anyone who has seen my takes on The Bad Kids knows I'm not averse to selective realism in my fiction. Easiest one was the neck, I always pictured Daisy making a vertical cut based on "through the voice box". The larynx is longer than it is wide, so I think Daisy would go for the method that dealt damage across the largest total surface area. Yes I am aware that I'm speaking the same way Martin does when he explains his corkscrew.

The worm scars were easy because I barely drew any. There are a few marks on his cheek, but they're just surface bites. I picture most of his encounter with Prentiss showing on his legs, particularly on the right side, with enough damage there that he starts using a cane after the incident to keep weight off his right leg. More research to be done on this particular detail.

Finally the burn on his hand from Jude. This was the weirdest one to figure out just because of the nature of the injury. How do you quantify the damage done to an epidermis by a living manifestation of sometimes-boiling wax that can heat and cool at will? I settled on it being a second-degree burn that healed supernaturally fast, containing the damage to the space Jude had direct contact with. He'd probably have some mobility issues there as well. I know there are ways to help with mobility and pain after a severe burn, but I don't know how much of it Jon would actually. Do. Like I said, definitely further research to be done on these last two.

Hey so I'm gonna ask you to stop and consider the horror of the watcher. The helplessness. The guilt. The inherent terror of being a spectator, a participant by proximity but not by action. The horror of not being able to look away, of being a bystander. Jon forgets to blink sometimes. But wouldn't it be so much worse if there were no eyelids at all? That's how I interpret the description of The Archivist being "All Eyes" :D

I love a good Many-Eyed Jon, so I whipped up my own interpretation here. I think the more he Becomes the more he starts to resemble the thing from the dreams. He has a lot more control of it in S5, but it still creeps up on him and he has to consciously go back to a human shape.

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

I am IN LOVE with your writing!  I’m a dedicated reader! 💓💓 thanks for taking the time to do it!

Hear me out. Reader pulls a 24 hour shift in the local clinic on a busy day and we get a protective worried din?

He would also be busy but he would definitely pull reader out and make her take a nap AT LEAST. 😂 anyway, I just thought that would be cute to think about.

I hope you have a wonderful day and keep up the good work! 

[a/n: anybody wanna guess how many times it took me to try and post this b/c tumblr wanted to keep glitching and destroying it?? FUCKING FOUR. lord, im gonna go scream in a pillow. anyways, thanks anon for the great idea! also pls consider this my apology for the cliffhanger that i am so sorry (but not really) for.]

'A FRESH START' DELETED SCENE

Din Djarin x Female!Reader

Warnings: reader overworks herself, mentions of injuries (burns specifically) but not in great detail

Word Count: 1,934

Summary: Everyone needs a break, and Din is hell bent on ensuring you don't skip yours.

#MID 17: TAKE A BREAK, DOC

[so not between chapters, but a scene within one of the time breaks in chapter 17.]

.

"be with someone who will take care of you. not materialistically but take care of your soul, your well being, your heart, and everything that's you." -unknown

.

Trying to get the emergency clinic established was not easy. You agreed to the job, and Karga had given you free reign. The High Magistrate was essentially allowing you to run the clinic as you saw fit. Which in part was fantastic because it gave you incredible freedom, but it was also your worst nightmare. All your training had taught you was how to handle the medical aspect of an office. The business and organization side was a whole other issue. Especially because the people of Nevarro were not understanding that this was for emergencies only. 

“My ankle hurts.”

“Alright, when did this start? When did you get hurt?”

“I twisted it while jogging three years ago.”

“You⏤ Wait, what?”

In order for this to work the way it needed to, you’d have to focus on actual emergencies only. Alone you would never be able to handle the patient load that would come with servicing an entire city. Plus, you really didn’t want to. The amount of time it would take to even attempt that was insane, and Din needed your help with Grogu.

So, the plan would be to establish that this clinic was emergencies only, emphasize it to everyone who walked in the door, but for today you’d manage all the small, routine problems.

Just for today.

By lunch time, you had already seen 47 patients. None of which were emergent. In fact, the biggest injury was a young man who had dropped a glass plate at home and accidentally cut his hand. He needed four stitches. 

“Aayla?”

“Four more in the waiting room, doctor!” Aayla called out without even having to be asked the question. She was a gift from the Maker today. Already, you had decided to try training her more in depth medically and hire someone else to work the front desk. “You also have a guest.

“What?” You breathed, barely able to catch her words.

Aayla didn’t need to repeat herself because that was the moment Din swept into the room with the same confident strut he naturally seemed to have. At the sight of him, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief as your lips curled up into a smile.

“What is going on?” Din asked as he drifted closer to you. There were still two patients sitting on cots waiting for you to finish with them, but Din commandeered your attention by settling his hand on your lower back and staring down at you. Even through the helmet you could feel his concerned gaze. “Why are you so busy? I thought you were hired for emergencies only.”

“I was, but apparently nobody told all of Nevarro that.”

Din stiffened. “Did Karga⏤”

“No. I don’t think he tricked me into this or that this was on purpose.” You said quickly. “And everyone who comes in, I’m telling them that from now on it’s emergencies only.”

“But today?”

“Today, I am seeing every Nevarro citizen.” You chuckled. “You want a check up, Mando?”

“Ner kar’ta,” Din shook his head, “Have you taken any breaks at all?” You shot him a sheepish smile. “Come. Let’s get lunch.”

“I can’t. I’ll just get further behind.” You mumbled. Din looked like he was ready to argue with you. In fact, his hands even drifted to his hips as his head tilted. You had seen him take on the same stance before lecturing Grogu. You wrapped your hands around his forearm and gave him the most reassuring smile you could muster. “It’s fine. I’m just sorry I’m bailing on you for lunch.” He sighed. “You poor thing, now you’ll have to spend more time with Mayfeld.”

Din huffed and you chuckled. Aayla called out that more people were filling the space, and for a second you thought the Mandalorian Marshal was considering sending everybody home just so you could have a moment for lunch. You squeezed his forearm. 

“Fine.” Din grumbled.

“Also, I know this won’t help my argument or convince you of anything, but,” You scrunched your nose with a small wince, “Do you think you can pick up Grogu today?”

Din seemed taken aback based on his voice alone, “How long do you plan on staying?”

You knew his question was one more focused on the concern of you staying here for too long versus him being upset that you couldn’t get Grogu. When you shot him another sheepish smile he just grumbled under his breath in Mando’a. Din caught you off guard by leaning forward to lightly rest his forehead against yours for a second. 

“This conversation isn’t over.” Din said simply and you just chuckled in response.

He squeezed your hand once before leaving and you were forced to return to the patients you had. Ten minutes passed at the most, you got two patients out with Aayla’s help, when Din’s heavy footfalls returned. You glanced over your shoulder to see he was holding a bag of food. He crossed the space to set the bag in your hands and you peered in to see it was your favorite sandwich from the local shop. Your eyes glanced back up at him with a grin. The warmth of being seen and known settling in your chest.

“Eat.” Din said firmly.

“Thank you.” You replied. “I’ll eat it as soon as⏤”

“No.” He interrupted. A tilt to his head and a challenge in his voice. “I’m not leaving until I watch you take a few bites. At the least.”

You rolled your eyes, in good nature, and handed him the bag so you could wash your hands in the sink off to the side. On your way back to Din, you asked Aayla to bandage one patient’s knee and get imaging of another patient’s hand. Din had already pulled out your sandwich to set on the desk you had brought into the corner. Before you could reach for it, Din pointed to the desk chair. With a chuckle you dropped down into the seat, the first time you were off your feet all morning, and only then did Din push the sandwich toward you. 

“Thanks.” You said after your first bite. More sincere than your last. Din was leaning against the desk beside you. Close enough that your arm could press against his thigh if you moved it over even an inch. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Apparently, I did.” Din chuckled. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have eaten at all.”

You couldn't argue. Instead, you just shook your head, “Not gonna lie, I always did have a bad habit of getting caught up in my work.”

“Why does that not surprise me?”

“Doctor, can you take a look at this?” Aayla called out.

You quickly took one last, large bite of your sandwich before standing. Din pushed off the desk to tower over you again. He nodded. “I’ll pick up Grogu, but if you’re not home by 5 I’m coming back to drag you home.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” You teased.

Din leaned over to lightly tap his forehead against yours and you chuckled. He reached over to pick up your sandwich and held it up towards you. You raised an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t budge. Rolling your eyes, you leaned over and took another bite. Holding a hand over your mouth, tucking the food into your cheek, you spoke. “Happy?”

“Yes. Be careful. Message me if you need anything.”

You watched him leave with a bemused smile.

Never before had you been so acutely aware of the saying ‘when it rains, it pours’. Today had already been stressful and busy so it would make sense that at 4:25 in the afternoon an actual emergency rolled in. Nothing to test and stretch your skills like having to handle a trauma case after a full day of working. There had been an incident, on the other side of this world deep in the lava plains, where a group of smugglers got a bit too close to a river of lava with their weapons and nearly blew one another sky high. 

The least injured of the three had flown them in. She had some superficial burns all along her left side. Then the other two had third degree burns that required some serious fluid replacement. You didn’t stop working, barely paused to take a breath, until all three were stable and resting comfortably. Only then did you drop down into your desk’s chair and rest your head on your arms with a sigh. 

About twenty minutes later, a pair of hands settled on your shoulders, squeezing in comfort, and you would’ve been startled if you didn’t recognize the creak of Din’s leather with the comforting smell of his flight suit’s detergent and the polish used on his beskar. 

“What time is it?” You groaned.

“8:42.”

“You’re nearly four hours late.”

Din squeezed your shoulders once more before letting a hand settle on the back of your neck. You found the weight of it grounded you. “I got here at 4:50. Saw you were busy with something important. Left then came back.” His thumb caressed your skin, and you pushed your head up to glance at him. Din had the hand not on your neck resting on the desk. “You alright?”

“Just tired.” You mumbled and rubbed your face with one hand. “Grogu?”

“He’s with Peli. Missed you at dinner though.” Din replied. “He acts up when you’re not around.”

“No, no. He’s a perfect angel, always.”

Din snorted at that, and the sound made you chuckle. You glanced over at the cots that held the three smugglers who slept soundly. All their vitals still stable. Din’s hand slipped down to rub your upper back soothingly. “You coming home?”

“I can’t. Not until the emergency shuttle gets here to pick those three up.” You sighed. “They have to be at a facility with a higher level of care than just me.”

“‘Just you’ saved their lives.”

“You know what I mean.” You shrugged. “You should go though.” Din tilted his head. “There’s no telling how long it’ll take for the ship to get here. I already sent Aayla home. I’m just babysitting right now. You should pick up Grogu and head home. Get some sleep.”

Din shook his head as if it were the stupidest thing you had ever said. He gently wrapped his hand around your upper arm and pulled you up from your seat. You let him drag you along to the fourth cot in the room which was currently empty. “You sleep. I’ll babysit.” 

“Din…”

He lightly pushed down on your shoulders until you were seated on the cot. You stared up at him in question, but he just shook his head. “If something changes with their status I’ll wake you.” Din pushed you down a little further so you were laying down. The moment your body hit the relatively soft bed you felt yourself sink into it with exhaustion. Din went to walk, but you grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the cot as well.

“You can babysit while laying down, can’t you?”

“My armor isn’t gonna be much of a pillow.”

“Neither is this cot.”

Din chuckled and dropped down to lay beside you. You rested your head on his chest, the cool metal of the beskar biting into your warm cheek, and just sighed. It hadn’t occurred to you how tired you truly were until now. Din had an arm wrapped around you so he could grasp your shoulder with his hand and use his thumb to trace patterns there.

“Take a break, doc.” Din hummed. “I got you.”

taglist:

@aheadfullofsteverogers @yyiikes @kneelforloki @c-ms1ut @sgt-morgan @luthienaliceisilra @fawn-kitten @missbabyjay @coldlamaspersonspy @dilfsaremyfavourite @jamesbuckybarnes @yorkeylover @teawrites01 @emily-roberts @djarinxore @impala1967666 @shelbyteller @faithrenner @dindjarindude @dankfarrick29 @rh1nestonecowg1rl @garbo-lesbo @anythingforattention @tearfulsolace @onceinamando @catharinaroxastova @uwu-i-purple-you @modiddys-blog @stagerightlauren @mini-bees @xxinvisblexx @adoringanakin @sagegreensensei @spidey-3 @sydney-1209 @thepascalofus @hrtsforpascal @banana-lol @daybleedsintonightfall11 @lil-dragon-draws @guccistardust @ideajpeg @harriedandharassed @leithatnight @elfamosotoga @damnzelsoul @the-anchored-sailor-girl @morks-watermelon @katelynmarieyt @taylorann2013 @chonkercatto @dheet @liadamerondjarin @fallinallinmendes @missdicaprio @jennaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @alphaash99 @djarinsmixtape @pcrushinnerd @closedaddition @thelovelyhann @harrys-sunflower-bakery @mayaaaaah @theway-thisis

[gabessquishytum]

(Part 1/2)

For that "defining moment of 2024" picture you posted: Cow Hob! Yes! Please! And some grave, highly serious and methodically considered thoughts about the Cow Hob AU we need - - Is Dream the absolute best, kindest, most humane and knowledgeable stable-hand for Hob? Yes. Yes he is. He knows everything there is to know about cows. How to groom them, how to care for them. What makes them happy, and what makes them feel safe. What kind of treats they can have and what kind they absolutely love, but can have only a very little bit of. - Does Dream milk his cows by hand? Yes. He absolutely does. Milking machines are far too clinical. Cows aren't just lactating machines, they deserve appreciation and respect for all they contribute. Dream milks all his cows by hand, even though it's more time consuming that way. It's much more comfortable for them. His cows are much happier that way. - Plus, milking is like bonding time. It's a reward for all the hard work cows do. They put in so much effort, carrying all that milk. Dream could be efficient and task-oriented, even milking them by hand, but he isn't. He makes sure he's extra gentle with them. He takes his time, making sure they're calm before and throughout. Then he pats and even combs the coat of each one after, so they end the milking session relaxed, shiny and happy. - Because he's so thorough and methodical, approaching milking time like a full on check-over, instead of just going in and getting what he's there for, Dream has caught many an early symptom of illness, strain, or disease, simply by taking his time to observe their coats, eyes and hoofs. Any cow knows that if there's a problem with them, Dream will catch it almost immediately!- Do the cows love Dream? Yes, they definitely do. They're in so much better shape since Dream was hired onto the farm. The other stable boy, Corinthian, is crude and rough and doesn't treat them all that well. Luckily, he's been given some other chores, so Dream works more with the cows. Dream doesn't have much time because he's so busy, running other errands and chores in the stable, but whenever the cows can they'll be bounding up to him, trying to get scratches and pats and treats. Hob is the cow who loves Dream most of all, and is always trying to get him to himself, but honestly, he's kind of a big guy who can't squeeze into small spaces, and that dainty little white cow with a stupid non-cow name, Shakespeare, always gets all of Dream's attention just because he's the smallest and can squeeze between all the farm equipment to follow Dream around easily! What a chore! - Luckily for Hob, he's also the cow on the farm with the shiniest horns, the longest hair, and the largest volume of the creamiest, most magnificent milk. This means that Dream has to spend the most time milking him and grooming him. Unlike dainty Shakespeare, who, alright, doesn't take up much space, but doesn't give very much milk either!

Cow Expert Anon. I am now christening you Cow Expert Anon, I hope you don't mind. This is wonderful and meticulous. I am going to add the other parts that you sent here, as screenshots, because I think everyone should be able to read the whole thing at once. Bear in mind that you may need to zoom in a fair bit to read.

I'm so obsessed with cow Hob just being the goodest, sweet little cutie but also leading the cows on a rebellion because he is NOT a pushover and he wants his Dream back!!! Also the Endless family becoming a cow/animal rehab ranch cooperative is the most wonderful thing and I just KNOW that Death would be the gentlest kindest milkmaid (although Dream is still Hob’s favourite, of course).

Dream is very much in his element, still hyperfixated on his beloved cows, still talking to them - hell he brings them inside the Endless mansion if they ever get sick or under the weather. If Dream ever gets the hints and Hob ever does end up having a calf, Dream practically moves his beloved cow into his own bedroom for the whole process! Hob has never been more spoiled, but he sure does deserve it. He's still trying to figure out how humans sleep in beds, though.

The milk and cheese produced by the Endless cows isn't exactly a huge amount, and they wouldn't turn a profit, but that's not the point. They're part of Dream’s family, now. He loves every one of them, and everything that they give him tastes sweeter than anything he's ever tasted before.

And yes, Hob’s calf is the cutest ever. Not quite as cute as Hob himself, if you ask Dream. Shakespeare is soooo jealous of course, but there's nothing he can do! Dream's heart belongs to Hob’s shiny horns, shaggy hair, and adorable brown eyes. No matter how much his family laughs at him, he'll be Hob’s best friend/beloved forever and ever <3

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE B

Hamlet Propaganda:

Have you seen the man. Is he clinically insane or just putting on an antic disposition. Is the ghost real

Kim Dokja Propaganda:

I haven't read orv but he's fucking gotta be from what I've osmosised

He tries to remove his emotions out of the narrative soooo much, literally the most repressed guy ever. Okay so for context orv is about how this guy, Kim Dokja, has been the only reader of an obscure post-apocalyptic webnovel for years and the novel suddenly becomes reality. And at first you'll probably get the weird impression that his behavior is pretty strange for, you know, a literal apocalypse happening in his world - like yes, he is concerned with survival but he doesn't seem all that scared and he kinda treats it like a video game where he has to grind to make himself stronger and he also treats his companions like a party in an rpg. Then there's also the way he approaches the protagonist of the webnovel, from the start he just kind of describes him as a ruthless psychopath and jerk that is unfortunately a pretty useful ally. And also there's the fact that he carefully omits any mention of his past and when somebody asks if he's worried about his family when the apocalypse starts he just kinda... brushes it off? Anyway so yeah, this bastard is definitely traumatized, although I don't know how much of spoiler territory that would be, considering the fact that literally when he first reveals his trauma he's also unreliable about it. And turns out he does indeed, care A LOT about this world and the people around him. Because well, he kinda didn't care to mention that this webnovel that has become reality was like... literally his whole world before it literally became his whole world. Like, it was the only thing keeping him going for 10+ years and the protagonist that he likes to call a stupid jerk was his comfort character who he pretended to be when he felt like he couldn't handle something in his life by being himself. The protagonist is also canonically the person he loves the most according to a prophecy and he literally can't fathom the thought of him dying, even the timeline versions of him that directly oppose him. And I haven't even mentioned the Fourth Wall yet but I feel like this propaganda is a little long already

misreading the intentions of his companion (yoo joonghyuk) so many time.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDD DOKJA IS SUCH A UNRELIABLE NARRATORRRRRR GOD I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE DOKJA TOO BUT OMG HE'S JUST SO AAAAAAAAAAAH

Rest of Propaganda under cut!

he is the worst like actually. he starts the story talking about how normal and average he is. he is not. he is constantly mischaracterizing his friends and he's so good at lying to the readers that you don't even realize it at first. almost every single time he cries we have to be told by other characters because he never says it himself. there is literally a scene where his narration says "i wasn't crying" and then the in-universe entity that narrates the actions of people (orv is really weird and meta) says that he was, in fact, crying. honestly genuinely anything he says about himself (or doesn't say) cannot be trusted. he is just so frustrating. he drives me mad. i love him dearly. but he drives me so mad.

Dictionary definition of unreliable narrator. Does not tell the reader anything and then things happen and he's like oh yeah btw there was also this and this earlier but i just didn't feel like mentioning it. There's even a thing called the "Fourth Wall" that is able to see through kdj's bs so occasionally you get gems like,

Kim Dokja: I didn't cry

The Fourth Wall: [Kim Dokja was crying]

Imagine being so unreliable as a narrator you need a more powerful narrator to call out the actual narrator.

^ same submission, just spacing it out

This goes into spoiler territory, but; Kim Dokja is in possession of a skill called the Fourth Wall, which on the surface seems like it appears because he read the book that reverse-isekai’d into his own. However, as the story goes on it becomes clear that it’s pretty much a souped up version of his pre-existing dissociation. You cannot trust him to be honest about his feelings, his past traumas or his feelings about his past traumas, not to mention his tendency to just outright omit information that only gets revealed later on either when it becomes relevant or when an outsider POV reveals what’s actually happening.

Exhibit A: he says (in 1st person POV) that he’s not crying. The Fourth Wall immediately contradicts this (as it is literally words of the novel) by saying (in 3rd person POV) ‘Kim Dokja was crying’.

Exhibit B: Fails to mention entire actions when it shows him emotionally honest even in the slightest; we had to read from another character entirely when Kim Dokja was being physically affectionate with his companion. It’s so bad that there’s this entire paragraph about Kim Dokja describing himself hiding his eyes in his hands in jerky, weirdly specific detail and just AVOIDING EVERY WORD THAT MIGHT SHOW HE’S CRYING. The brilliance of ORV is that when you re-read the entire thing you get hints that ‘yes, this WAS hinted at the entire time’ but you have to dig it out of Kim Dokja’s repressed, depressed self-hating internal dialogue with your own two hands.

^ same submission, spacing it out (i really should've done this earlier.)

i am a simple man (not a man). i see a tumblr text post with the words “unreliable narrator in it”. i read nothing else. i reblog & tag #kim dokja okay but in all seriousness i’m just going with the musty basic example: so there’s this moment where he sacrifices himself to save this guy. as he lays on the ground bleeding out, he says “hey, you don’t like me, right? you should kill me to get some money” the guy says “no kim dokja i cant do that (going through the five stages of grief except there’s only one and it’s anger)” the constellations (twitch viewers irl) are like omg he (the guy) doesn’t want to kill his companion (kim dokja) and shower him (the guy) with money kim dokja: oh, he’s not killing me for the money. smart!

as i quote a brilliant youtube video (all of omniscient reader’s viewpoint in 6 minutes) “yoo joonghyuk sees kim dokja as a c_____”

yoo joonghyuk: companion

kim dokja: cunt

^ same submission, once again. spacing it out.

Hides his true feelings, tells the readers what he thinks is convenient for the plot and that his own personal feelings don’t matter or are not so significant. Has unreliable thoughts abt his companion and is a liar. And is also an omniscient reader.

Kim Dokja always perceived his companions in this like nonchalant way like “oh yeah we get along but really we’re just fighting to survive (apocalypse setting) it doesn’t run that deep” when they all do genuinely care for him and he does in turn. He just, doesn’t think of it as an equal relationship? Dokja’ll sacrifice a lot for them but will get seriously flabbergasted if they do the same thing, so fricking problematic. Not to mention Yoo Joonghyuk, his “Life and Death Companion” (read: husband). Kim Dokja always seems to think that Joonghyuk has it out for him, which is kinda true, but he is literally blind to the fact that he’s attached to him. Like, it’s so obvious??? Also they have hella sexual tension but that’s another thing entirely

se get some many pov changes where kdj in his pov just assumed things based on what he knew the characters would do. however because of his interference the characters have changed and he wouldn’t know that if it hit him in the face

He's an unreliable narrator because he lies to himself and thus the audience. He literally rewrote his own childhood core memory. If someone says, "this guy is my friend!" He will go through so many hoola hoops in his mind just to rationalize it. Because he fundamentally believe that no one could love him and even if they did they couldn't know him and he's just gonna hurt them. He cries sometimes in canon but a lot of those times it's not even mentioned as crying he's that unreliable of a narrator. No joke, one time this guys he has a gay thing with called him his "companion" to someone who had just killed him (long story) and this bitch thought "oh wow he's doing it for the coins (another long story) he's so smart i wish I'd thought to that. He's terrible. He literally has an exchange with something called the Fourth Wall (an even longer story) where it said "you're crying" and he said "no I'm not" but he was crying. He makes me insane because the reader is supposed to project onto him. He made me see how much of an unreliable narrator I WAS. ORV is just like that tho.

[johnslittlespoon]

leaving bikeriders anon here again i’m going crazy over the back and forth constant neither of them saying anything out of nervousness of it all like of COURSE it would take them forever to actually get together there would have to be an honest to god crisis a completely off-kilter situation for them to get together they’re so bad at communicating. also have not been able to get the thought of them running into each other by chance at a bar across town and even though bucky showed up with people he just ends up at a table in the corner with gale the whole night. gale jokingly asks if john is even old enough to drink which turns into a whole thing where john suddenly has to prove to gale that he CAN drink and he IS old enough and is Definitely Worthy of gale’s attention. anyways!

HIII i'm still ON one about this too dw

exactly my goddd the back and forth would be physically painful to write/read honestly lol the flirtation and the sexual tension!!

ur so right smth absolutely wild would have to happen, or one of them would have to slip up, or there'd have to be an argument where feelings are blurted out in anger/hurt, orrrr, in relation to your idea at the end which i'm going clinically insane over bee tee dubs:

john is so offended by the insinuation that he's too young to drink even if gale's joking, made worse probably by gale throwing in a kid– "you old enough to be in here, kid?" with the corner of his mouth quirking up a bit.

john puffs his chest out and tries not to let the one beer he's had slur his words, goes "'course i am" all huffy, rolls his eyes, reaches for gale's full shot glass while holding determined eye contact and tips it back without a second thought, really has to clench his fist in his lap for a second when it threatens to come right back up, not used to anything quite so harsh.

it's not gale's intention to egg him on like that, john's just bristly, a messy college kid used to bulldozing his way through life, never turning down a bet or challenge, has maybe been watching a pretty girl hang off gale's other side on top of everything and wants to prove that he can be exciting and mature too.

john ends up drinking too much, taking whatever shots the others in gale's group pass him for their entertainment until gale shuts the next person who tries down with a pointed glare, slides the shot glass away before john can reach for it, says "alright, we're cutting you off" when john whines out a complaint, leaning heavily against gale's side.

the night ends with gale helping john out of the bar because john's friends leave long before he does. he gets john out to the parking lot out front, gets him situated on the back of his motorcycle, keeps a hand on his shoulder and asks where home is, and john's like, "oh, no, can't go home like this buck, dad'll gimme a shiner" and gale's jaw clenches hard, but it's not the time to get angry.

he's at a loss, because he's not gonna bring john home to an environment he's had a faint suspicion isn't the greatest since they met (however that might have been, that's shit for me to plot out later lol) but bringing him to his house seems like a bad idea, but he's also not sure what to do and john's friends don't seem the greatest to just leave him with a borderline stranger. so what else is there to do?

"am i gonna have to tie you to me, or are you gonna hold on tight?" he asks as he climbs on the bike in front of john, and john giggles out a "y'can tie me to wh'tever y'want," filter completely gone from how sloshed he is, and gale looks to the sky and says a silent prayer because jesus fucking christ. what.

i'm like 99% certain that alcohol would be involved in a feelings confession, probably that night when it slips out from john's lips, so drunk he doesn't even realize it. nothing would happen that night, because gale's trying to be a responsible adult and he wants to make sure john's not just saying shit, but he's also quite forward, so he'd bring it up in the morning after he's brought john a water and some painkillers, and john would go so red and he'd drop his head into his hands and whisper an "oh my god" because he can't believe he's slipped up so bad.

and then yk. feelings–talk ensues. john is so mortified, he wants to die. gale is so enamoured but trying to be realistic about things. etc etc i'll flesh it all out eventually when it's time to start writing it >:)

[ciminarin]

wfh job means wfa (working from anywhere), the best for a girlblogger thought daughter like me.

as someone who works remotely, i love how i can be literally everywhere as long as i have my devices and can deliver my work on time. i have went on holidays multiple times while still working and it's the best thing ever lol. the work-life balance is definitely balancing. this post will be about my experience, pros and cons!

now playing... ▶︎ ၊၊||၊|။||||| 2:58 | NEMONEMO by YENA

ᯓ★ let's talk about the pros!!

i can take breaks at any time i want, have my breakfast or lunch at any time without anyone micromanaging me. the next best thing is i can just be myself without worrying how other people perceive me at work. no worrying if i looked bad or if the way i sit, stand or walk is not 'ladylike' i can do wtv tf i want.

i can take naps. like LONG naps. it's heavenly.

i don't have to get ready to work. i literally wake up and go on my laptop. i can do anything before i start too, like playing with my cats, exercise, and never be late for work. how can i be late? i only need to log in on gathertown (a site/app where you can be in the office with your co-workers, in pixel game style) when my work hour start. lol

i'm literally at a cafe rn as i'm typing this. like i said, you can be anywhere as long as you have the money haha

can watch kdramas, movies or horror podcast during work. awesome.

more time to take care of yourself. i have been trying to get back to my self care era after my mental health deteriorated so bad because of my last job. when i say bad, i mean like REAL bad. my self esteem is just gone. i keep trying to find my old self again but i keep getting more and more anxious. by getting into wfh job, i can focus on this side of me more and hopefully be able to feel like myself again.

ᯓ★ now the cons.

it can get boring sometimes because you're stuck at home. i get too lazy to even get ready and go out even though i know i can be anywhere. the library suddenly feels so far away, resulting me to just stay home. this can go on for days.

yeah more time for self care.. but also more time to be lazy. because it's a desk job i don't be moving around anymore unless i want to. and unless i have the motivation.. i will just lay down on my bed.

backaches from sitting too long. leg too.. and my whole body basically.

unless i do intermittent fasting, i WILL eat uncontrollably. having access to unlimited free time and food can make me gain weight AAAHHHH

more money out since i keep buying fancy drinks and food now as i have too much free time... this is a self control problem i know. this is on me.

okay i definitely have more pros & cons but i can't just think of more as of rn. maybe next time i will write part 2 if there is anything i want to add!

ᯓ★ what about my previous job?

it was a shift food & beverage job and it was... an experience i guess (i never want to go back again) i would rather just be a customer damn. i never thought i would ever feel this much anxious feeling until i got into f&b. the first few months was kind of fun and okay-ish, but after that it was hell. at some point i couldn't breathe at work and literally had to go to the clinic to get checked during my work hour.

the way people interact during work was something.. in front of them they play along and laugh together, but behind they talk bad about each other. it got me thinking that they definitely had talked badly about me too, and this made me anxious. ngl, i've been a people pleaser for so long (now i recognize that it can be really bad doing this) so i want everyone to like me.

this also made me think that maybe, other people i know outside work also do this to me? i became anxious of every single interaction i do, offline or online. i keep thinking that maybe even my friends don't like me...

i have now realized that i do not have to be liked my everyone. maybe this people pleasing behaviour is based on my trauma, so i have a really hard time to unlearn this. like what do you mean someone don't like me when i have been nothing but nice to you? you don't even know me that well... i'm so sad

but it has to be stopped. i can't just be out there trying to seek validation from people who are not worth my time. it's hard, but everyday i have to remind myself that there are literally so many people who like and love me for who i am.

i got a fiancé and he's the best ever. i have great friends who like how weird i can get, how loud, how annoying i am. they love me because they want to. and i love them because i want to. and i need to remember that there will be people that dislike me just because they want to, and i don't have to do anything about it.

slowly learning the art of letting them be.

────୨ৎ────

end of log. this was cut short as i need to go now, but thank you for reading, see you next time!

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 8 Matsuribayashi pt. 33

The third sacrifice

I’m trying to divine what the hell past 8bit meant by leaving this asterisk in the notes. It wasn’t that long ago I put that there, less than a day, but I have no idea what the hell this guy’s doing (probably should edit this out you donkus). Onto why we’re here, I’m positive this scene is meant to take place before the protracted dumping on Miyo Takano, but I definitely played these fragments out of chronological order.

For a split second I began to doubt myself about where these things are meant to be set on the timeline, but reading the line about how if the news got back to Tokyo about losing their main research subject, I became convinced I was right about this happening before those other fragments. Also this is the first time in a while we’ve had a character tell themselves to be cool. Well, be calm, but that’s the same thing. Which, based on previous chapters planted the idea in my head that Takano, unbeknownst to her, might also be infected with Hinamizawa Syndrome.

Initially I sort of wrote off her paranoid ramblings as just her being annoyed with Rika’s mom, and Irie’s gutless behavior. However, thinking about it, one of the stated symptoms is an increased paranoia. So I wonder, since it was mentioned in Minagoroshi that they have an inoculation to protect against the syndrome, did she just never take it? I wonder if Irie, or the Mountain Dogs are similarly infected?

Well there you go. I’ll be honest, I had no grand strategy reading the fragments, I just went with whatever sounded interesting to me in the moment. Related to the screenshot however, since he was a pretty important figure in Takano’s life and the formation of the Irie clinic/institute I’m kind of surprised Koizumi didn’t get an art.

I was going to say that I thought it was outright confirmed in an earlier chapter that the Mountain Dogs did indeed kidnap the construction minister’s son. Then I remembered it was just confirmed that an as yet unnamed organization did it, and just let the Sonozaki family take the rap for it. I seem to recall there was an older man involved in the kidnapping that showed up once to try to console the boy before he was taken elsewhere. I wonder who that was.

Few thoughts: 1, I was amused with the small conversation about whether to kill only Rika’s mom with the mental image that Okonogi had a little notepad and was writing down her order like a restaurant. 2, I like this dark take on the “you can achieve everything by just talking to people” idea that has permeated the last few chapters. 3, so if Takano hadn’t brought it up with Okonogi there is a pretty good chance the whole idea of the curse killings would never have occurred. Okonogi accidentally set Takano on this path of attaining godhood, presumably just because he was raring for any sort of action.

Mysterious death of the Furude couple

I’m sure everything is going to be fine.

This is an Ooishi narrated fragment. I kind of wonder when the Mountain Dogs got Rika’s dad? Do you think they just spiked his drink in the post-festival festivities? Also, poor Kimiyoshi, he went from a named character with a character portrait to just “old person.” In the modded version the voice actor for “old person” is Kimiyoshi’s VA.

I think we’ve all been in the situation where you’re at an event, and when it’s over and time to leave you get cocky thinking you’ll somehow be able to beat the traffic out. But instead you just wind up sitting in your car waiting your turn to finally leave the damned parking area. Of course I don’t think many people are ever put in that situation when there’s sneaky murder and kidnappings afoot, but still.

Thinking about it, are there any other doctors and nurses working at the Irie Clinic/Institute? There’s gotta be right? Surely it can’t be just Irie, Takano, and the fifty or so Mountain Dogs. It would certainly explain how they were able to just demon away Rika’s mom, but you gotta figure there has to be some researchers at least helping with the research into Hinamizawa Syndrome. Or hell, I suppose not, maybe that explains why progress is slow going, since there’s only the two of them.

[smokescreenimusprime]

The idea of Smokescreen being a medic is such a big brain galaxy move, I'm obsessed with it. I'd imagine Smokescreen would be much more passive compared to his canon counterpart and perhaps a bit less energetic, since he's still reeling from Alpha Trion and Sigma-17. It could still be like canon, where Smokescreen wants to prove himself, but this time, it's so he can show that's he's now good enough and capable to help again, instead of just being in the sideline and being sad when he could be useful (Smokey just buries that trauma as deep as he can)

Also, an idea to consider: Smokescreen, in this AU, probably wouldn't be as excited around Optimus. Like, of course he's nervous about meeting Optimus Prime, but he wouldn't be as hyped. Now, Ratchet, on the other hand, Smokescreen would absolutely be asking him to teach him and stuff and how to get better.

(Also would the Rescue Bots know that Smokescreen is alive, and vice versa? I'd imagine Optimus would've informed them about his arrival, but maybe he'd thought that could be too risky or something, so the Rescue Bots just thinks he's dead. Or maybe Optimus tells them about this new bot that was a Rescue Bot and that they'll send him there as soon as they could, and the team just gets reminded that they're one-bot short. There's so much fun potential there)

OOOOOOOOOOOO Y E S S S S S S S S

God imagine how fun Smokescreen's arrival is going to be. The Cons are absolutly flabbergasted because Wait A Fucking Moment That's A Rescue Bot Sigil- but luckily before they can bring Smokey to the Nemesis the Autobots show up to help him. Of course, when the dust settles and they see the insignia they also start freaking out, and while there's definitely a bit of suspicion because the Rescue Bots are supposed to be wiped out, he is able to prove it somehow and they start warming up to him

When Smokescreen learns that he's apparently one of the last living Rescue Bots....... yeah that shit hurts. It's rather ironic honestly, that the last Rescue Bot medic wasn't even forged one. He's absolutely going to give it his all in to prove himself and that he deserves his position and title as a Rescue Bot. He's still hurting and very much traumatized, but now he has a more tangible goal to focus on instead. This isn't like the Archives, this is the middle of an active war zone where anybody could be hurt at any second. He doesn't has time to think about his feelings, he can do that later (yeah this is going to be fun for him to deal with later)

and you BET Smokescreen's going to lose his shit when he realized Ratchet himself is here. Even before the war started getting more intense, Ratchet was legendary in the medical field. Smokescreen's read medical textbooks featuring the guy, he practically idolized him, so being given the opportunity to work with him? A dream come true. He asks so many questions and while normally Ratchet would've been annoyed by it all...... it's been a while since some's been able to keep up with all his "medical babble." And the kid's got spirit, the skill and knowledge (he wasn't spending his whole time with Trion twiddling his thumbs, he was reading any and every datapad even remotely related to medicine and science). He just needs more experience to polish it off

also, I don't know what to do with this idea, but I had a Thought of just..... slight miscommunication of intention between Smokey and the other Autobots. Because the Autobots want to keep him safe and Ratchet is aware of the fact Smokescreen a) has been in stasis for a couple millennia and b) has little experience working in a war environment. He has more experience as a field medic and natural disasters, not active combat

unfortunately for them, while there has been a lot of social class progression since the war started, Smokescreen's experienced none of it and is from right smack dab in the middle of it all where he could barely walk into a clinic without his position being questioned. The second he decided what he wanted to do with his life he was constantly having to look over his shoulder and more often than not had to fear for his life. He's had patients question his ability to treat them, he's been assigned "easier" patients because they doubted his abilities, instructors have graded him more harshly, hell he's even had other medical students try to explain things he already knew

The only people who've ever respected him and his abilities are his team, a few instructors at the academy who were on his side, and Alpha Trion, all of which are presumably dead. He's had it up to here with people underestimating him and it somewhat strains his relationship with the Autobots. And it's only made even worse by the fact that Smokey isn't going to say anything about it because in the past that's never accomplished anything except make more enemies and he really doesn't want to piss off the only other Autobots on this whole rock

again, do I know what to do with this or where to put it? Not really. It would definitely have to be something pretty early in the timeline so...... idk maybe that's what sparks the argument which gets Smokescreen out of the base and captured by the Cons

sPEAKING of that part, there's also the fun that could spark because of just..... how different Smokescreen would be received. He'd still be locked up, that's no question, but he's not a warrior. He's a Rescue Bot. And from the Decepticons perspective he might be the last one in existence. They're going to be way more careful when he's captured this time, not because he's more of a threat but because even when they get the Key he's still a VERY valuable prisoner

(also, completely separate, but I do really want to play around with the idea that Smokey as a field medic, who was presumably going to be deployed into dangerous locations, would have some kind of protection. Nothing lethal or even that powerful, but enough to save himself if need be. He doesn't use it very often, but he's really skilled with whatever it is and not afraid to be set out to do field repairs if need be. I'd also image he heavily abuses the Phase Shifter for this too when he gets his paws on it)

as for the other Rescue Bots :))))))

so them waking up on Earth at first was...... well, in the beginning it wasn't super different from canon. Their ship crashes, Optimus introduces them to Charlie. But then of course the realizations hit them. Cybertron is destroyed. There aren't any more Rescue Bots

Smokescreen

so now not only do they have to deal with hiding and adjusting to an entirely new and different planet but they have to do all that while also mourning their fifth and youngest member who's possibly been dead for thousands of years without them knowing

not a great time all things considered, and it honestly gets even worse upon realizing there are five members of the Burns family. And Cody...... honestly reminds them a lot of Smokescreen. Friendly, energetic, willing to help no matter what, desperately trying to prove himself....... it's almost painful how similar they are at times. It's kind of an accident that they get so close, but they've all silently promised to protect this kid who reminds them so much of their fallen friend. They would've gotten along so well had they met.

eventually Smokescreen is brought up. Maybe it was a slip of the tongue and someone was remembering The Good Old Days, or maybe it was just a bad day where Smokescreen's absence was more noticeable

and it...... hurts to talk about him, to only be able to talk about him in the past tense. That their human family never got to meet such an important part of their team, and never would. But at the same time, it's nice. To recall the good days, the laughs and pranks and study sessions they shared. Like they aren't letting him be forgotten even though he wasn't "officially" part of Sigma 17

and I'm going to be honest...... yeah I really don't know when the two sides should meet. There are so many possibilities with different vibes and angst and everything and just...... yeah I'm really torn

I do really like your idea though and I definitely think that could play a part in things. Maybe Optimus calls, says they found a new Rescue Bot but the Cons also know they exist so he's going to hold off on sending them over until things are safe. He doesn't know how long it will take, but he thought it would be a good idea to let them know this new Rescue Bot exists so they won't be surprised if/when they're Groundbridged over

and they're....... definitely really torn. On one hand, another Rescue Bot who survived!!! Hell yeah!!!!!!!!!! but again, on the other hand like you mentioned, this just reminds them they're a Bot short. Heatwave is the most huffy about the whole thing, and understandably so since he and Smokescreen were the closest. He knows that it's only natural and safest for the "new" Rescue Bot to be sent their way but it....... it feels wrong. Like they're replacing Smokescreen with somebody else

of course, when they actually meet Heatwave HARD pivots on that opinion, but that's still a ways into the future so :3

[bonesandthebees]

as an adult fanfiction writer myself (i'm in my 20s, too), it's really impressive how much progress you've made with your writing. how do you balance writing with other adult priorities? this is what i struggle myself; i want to be able to write, but i don't seem to have enough time. i recently deleted all my old drafts and most of my outlines so i could focus on writing a few stories in mind. idk if this is the way to go, but i made my decision.

p.s. i'm on my way to read your sbi stories, they sound great.

oooo what a good question!

well, for one thing I think I need to say that I'm technically unemployed at the moment (and technically have been for the past year due to family stuff going on) which definitely gives me more time to write compared to if I had a full time job. but at the same time I do kind of have a job? I don't like revealing too many details about my personal life on this blog, but let's just say I kind of work for a family member (but I don't get paid for it). either way, I do have more free time than the average 23 year old probably does so that certainly helps

at the same time though, I actually wrote more while I was a full time uni student. like, I wrote clinic in 6 months during my senior year of uni. still not sure how I did that one. so maybe it's not the unemployment thing lol

ok I rambled a bit too much on this so I'm going to put it under the cut

either way, I do have a lot of daily responsibilities that I have to schedule my writing around which does present a challenge. I'd say two major things contribute to me being able to write so much: one, I just write way faster than most people can write. And two: I put a lot of effort into recognizing the scope of my own abilities, and try not to put too many projects on my plate at once.

with the whole being able to write really fast thing, that's the result of years and years of intensive writing practice. from the time I was around 13-14ish, I started trying to write almost daily. around 15 is when I discovered fanfic, and once I was actually able to write things I could post online and get feedback on, whenever I sat down for a near daily writing session my goal would be to write a minimum of 1k words. a lot of the time I missed this goal, but it was fine and I just kept trying, not beating myself up too much about it because I viewed it all as practice. I wanted to get really good at writing, which is why I just kept at it, knowing it would get easier with time. and it did!

in short, practicing writing, any writing at all regardless of if it's going to be published or not, will help you get faster at writing. now this is going to conflict with the next thing I talk about, but I digress

now, the easier thing to emulate is managing the projects you work on. in my head I have about 3 categories of wips—actively working on to publish, off to the side dormant that I'm either planning on getting to or I might get around to, and never going to see the light of day but I'm working on it just for myself. if I decide to mentally move a wip into the 'active' category, I need to make sure it's the type of story I'm going to enjoy working on and will be able to complete. then when I have free time, I know that's going to be a top priority and I need to focus on that before other things. if I have a wip in the dormant category, if I have free time and I either don't have anything I need to actively work on to publish (like if I just posted a chapter the day before) or I really just don't want to work on my active wips, then I can take a second look at my dormant wip outlines and see if writing any of them gets the juices flowing. then there's the never see the light of day wips, and those I can write at any time because it's just for me, and yeah I should prioritize the active wips over them and I usually will, but also writing is a hobby I enjoy first and foremost. and also, any writing practice will help you. so even if you don't plan to publish it, writing a self indulgent thing will help you get faster, build stamina, improve your writing—all of that stuff.

so I think what you described with deleting old outlines/drafts makes sense, but also I never delete my old writing drafts just bc I love seeing my progress over the years but that's just me. but either way, making an effort to focus on active wips is a smart move, but also remember that not everything you write has to be published. the more practice you get with writing (and by that I mean literally any writing at all), the easier it's going to be to write longer things and finish them. you build that stamina like a muscle, and it can take a very long time to build it up enough, but it's definitely worth it in the end.

also just experiment with how you outline and plan stuff in a way that works for your brain, because when you have to write around adult responsibilities you have to streamline things as much as possible. despite the fact that I started writing fic at 15, I struggled so much with finishing long fics until I started writing for dsmp when I had just turned 21. and that's because I figured out a new outlining method that worked perfectly for my brain. it was a combination of planning some things, but not everything so that I kept myself interested in the story. experiment with how much or how little you plan your stories, because when you have a limited time to write, you want it to be something you're interested in and able to dive right into writing.

sorry this was so long winded, I really suck at giving short answers sometimes. hope that helps though! remember, the most important thing is that you're enjoying what you're doing :)

[tangled-wires-and-a-dead-heart]

Hi hello! For the scarlet hollow asks if you're still wantin' those

1, 7, and 9?

Hi! I'm always open to talking more about scarlet hollow so here you go!

1. What is your favorite currently released episode?

It's a bit of a toss up between 3 and 4 but I think that I like 3 more!

The hangout scenes with the different love interests (+ Tabitha) are all very fun and it's great to be able to spend time with them one on one and to be able to get deeper insights into the characters!

Plus, the haunting at Oscar’s house is probably my favorite sequence in the game so far, it's perfectly creepy and is just a whole vibe in general! (I just wish that it didn't make my ancient PC want to blow up lol)

7. What is/are your favorite trait(s)? Your favorite trait combination(s)?

I think that my favorite traits are probably mystical and street smart! All of the extra details and dialogue that you get from mystical are so cool and go extremely hard. Street smart is also very fun, I love using it to be a little scamp and a master liar.

My favorite trait combinations are probably the ones that I use for my main MCs, those being mystical/keen eye, powerful build/street smart, book smart/keen eye, and hot/talk to animals!

9. What difficult game changing choice was the hardest for you to make?

I'd say that the whole situation at the clinic was definitely the hardest decision for me to make when I was first playing! This mostly had to do with the fact that with the other dilemmas, the option that I wanted to pick was either very easy or I was able to choose the trait save option instead (this MC was book smart/keen eye so I had back to back trait saves and episode 1’s trait save was easy because I already knew what the MC would've done in that situation)

But episode 4’s dilemma was the first one that actually made me pause for a moment because I actually didn't know what to do and I didn't immediately know what the MC would do either. I had to actually replay the ending sequence a few times over before I decided on which one was the one that the MC would've chosen to do (which up until that point, I didn't really have to do)

I also think that episode 4’s dilemma is also very complex (In like- an outcomes sense) because there are a lot of moving pieces that determine what happens and even what the outcomes you have to choose between are.

First, you can choose to just stay down in the basement while Reese kills dr. Kelly, which is a distinctly different outcome from the other “matricide” routes.

Then if you refuse to grab the tranquilizers at all, then there isn't a choice to be made at all, it will just instantly go into the matricide outcome.

Then there's the two standard outcomes (of sorts), matricide (but you're actively choosing to not hand over the tranquilizers) or you hand over the tranquilizers and help dr. Kelly to lock up Reese.

But if you called Tabitha up to the clinic, she shows up and shoots Reese. Then it becomes a matter of helping to lock up Reese or letting Tabitha kill him.

I think that it's so cool just how many ways the conflict at the clinic in episode 4 can end just based on what you chose to do! I really do like how much weight your choices really seem to have in the game, it's why scarlet hollow is one of my most favorite games of all time!

[lean-mean-demon-genevieve]

Very reasonably priced woo-woo machine, I see she understands her targeted audience. Btw, what is parasite cleansing? I feel like I’m missing something here…

Anon #2 that came through while I was putting this together:

Parasite cleansing? Apart from the fact that in the US this really only an issue for pets and livestock, I’m still calling bull. No way that anything designed to kill parasites wouldn’t be intrinsically toxic to this leech.

———————————————————————

Ok, get ready. Because THIS is one of my favorite things to talk about when it comes to Gen…You’re not missing anything because “parasite cleansing,” as she’s referring to it, is not a real thing. In recent years, G has become obsessed with “gut health” alongside the rest of the wellness community. Part of that is a concern for parasites that may be upsetting your delicate GI balance. 🙃 More info on the trend, scam, and risks here.

Time will tell if she actually circles back around to talk about this more like she said she would in that video. I hope she tells us who suggested it to her. But overall, Gen’s hypochondria stems from a mix of generalized anxiety, perfectionism/the drive to be constantly improving her “health”, and an abundance of access to resources and “professionals” who validate her concerns. G has been on this health optimization kick for quite a while but she recently named one of her major influences.

In the podcast where she talked about her implants, she also mentioned her doctor by name; Dr. Sharon Hausman-Cohen of Resilient Health. This whole medical practice is set up for the rich and the anxious. A few things stand out to me upon reading the doc’s bio on their website: First, she is the lead scientist for IntelxxDNA, a genetic testing service that claims to be able to tell you what medical concerns you may be at risk for, and advise on next steps.

As I researched this service further, other resources would note that one risk of this kind of testing is an increase in stress and anxiety. And that makes sense if you find out your DNA makes you at risk for some super scary disease. Just ask Gen:

So if I’m reading between the lines here, it sounds like G got her DNA profile read at this practice and then has become, understandably, even more hyper-aware of her body and body sensations as a result. And then you have a doctor with an invested interest going, “oh no, let’s monitor how you’re feeling at all times.” This is a recipe for disaster when you’re anxious. You will see what you look for, without fail. No wonder she bites her cuticles.

Furthermore, the clinical validity and utility of these tests cannot be confirmed as of yet. (Source) Clinical utility refers to whether the test can provide helpful information about diagnosis, treatment, management, or prevention of a disease. So all this hyper-focus and making it rain on this doctor could all be for nothing.

You might saying, “what does she mean by making it rain on the doctor?” Well, finally there’s this part:

Private membership at the doctor’s office? If you’re unfamiliar with this form of boutique or concierge medicine, it may be because you aren’t in the right tax bracket. Here’s a fairly quick rundown that I like, but it’s basically paying a monthly out-of-pocket fee to a physician for 24/7 access to their care. For my friends in the US, our insurance plans could never. (And you still need health insurance or deep pockets on top of it for additional prescriptions, tests, etc…seriously, read the article above.)

I won’t go into the ethical implications of providing access to care to only the rich, but it’s definitely there imho. Plus check out the practice’s condescending phrasing: a membership is the ultimate self-care. Don’t you care about your health??! Inquire about giving us your money today!

So why am I going on and on about this? Because our dear Gen is stuck in an echo chamber of health anxiety and she wants you to be right there with her. There’s nothing inherently wrong with integrative medicine or holistic practices, but life is hard enough without allowing this broad to add to your stress. If you find yourself asking if you too need some crap she’s peddling, the answer is likely no. And she doesn’t need it either. She just has access to it...and she’s probably hoping you help foot her bill with a purchase through a monetized link.

[terresdebrume]

So. The thinky thoughts of tonight.

(...Aka I don't have a therapist so I put things on my blog because I'm less worried about someone finding that than my bullet journal, and also typing is faster than writing and doesn't hurt my hand.)

As I mentioned on Friday, I've recently come to the realization that actually, I don't feel nervous about the idea of being pregnant here in Phnom Penh. I don't feel nervous about the idea of teaching in my school while pregnant. I don't feel very nervous about being able to financially provide for a child.

I'm not even nervous about not really wanting a child--or at the very least, I'm not nervous that I like the idea of being a parent because society convinced me I should, mostly because yesterday I was almost ready to call the local fertility clinic and make an appointment for a consultation.

But I do worry about:

Being unable to provide for a child's emotional and psychological needs

Being unable to provide for a child's physiological needs

Being able to accept the changes a child would bring in my life

The thing is, sometimes I ignore my cats when they ask for things. I don't play with them nearly as much as I should, though I've been better about at least practicing their tricks every day. Still. Cats need to play something like an hour a day, and I don't know if they play when I'm gone (I think they do) but when I'm here and spend my time lying on the couch they definitely don't. I feel guilty about it because I know I should do more but it's still very shaky, and I can see that it stresses them out sometimes. If I can't (or feel like I can't) provide for my cats needs, how can I provide for a child? Other point of worry (which is probably stupid and all but it still worries me) I feel like my students don't feel comfortable telling me things. They've told personal stories to other teachers so far, but not really to me, and I know it's their right and there may be many factors for that but I also. I worry that it's my fault, that I make them feel like they can't, somehow. And again, they don't have to! They never have to! I want to respect the privacy and their right to pick what they share, and I tell them so. But I worry that there's something about me that makes them feel stiffled or unwelcome. Am I too strict? Am I not listening the way I should? Does it seem like I don't care? Should I simply ask more questions even if it feels like I'm being intrusive? I don't know. I don't know, and it worries me even though I know I'm not entitled to know about their lives (and I don't feel entitled to it, quite the opposite) because A) I worry that it makes me a bad teacher, and B) I worry that if I can't be a good teacher or a good cat parent, it means I can't be a good parent to a child.

Also. It took me two days to do the dishes this weekend. I don't even have that many, but all of them were in the sink, and they'd been in the sink long enough to grow a bit of mold, and for the sink gunk to really smell. The floor was ditry because it took me three days longer than it should have to put the dust compartment back into the robo vacuum. My clothes are strewn around the flat. The living room table is covered in papers because I haven't been back to do the criminal background check I've been meaning to do for months now. Sometimes, I forget to change the litter boxes until the cats start protesting. And by sometimes I mean often. Sure, I'd want to do better if/when a child came in, but what if I couldn't? What if I go through the whole process and bring some poor kid who didn't ask for anything in this world and it turns out I can't care for it properly?

The changes I think is the smallest one. It just. It worries me that I think about the reality of having a child, like having to use tuktuks and maybe not being able to do DND or going for my weekly dinner anymore, and feeling reluctant. I'm also like. A bad sleeper. I've always been, I'm trying to change it, but it's so slow--the prospect of having to deal with potentially several months of being woken up several times a night is not pleasant to me. The prospect of having to share my bedroom is not pleasant to me (this could be solved by moving and doing so early enough in the pregnancy that the cats would have time to get used to the new place before the baby came.) but I worry that these are all things that just come with having a baby and me feeling apprehensive about them is a sign that I'm unsuited for the role of parent :/

I know things are different when it's your kid, and all, but while I'm not worried at the prospect of having a 3 years old or a teenager, I have to admit that I am worried about having an infant and having to devote 100% of my energy to it. I'm scared of having a child and handling the first few years so badly it hurts the child, or me, or both of us. I don't know what it says about me that I'm both considering having a child and immediately considering all the ways in which I would or wouldn't be able to avoid taking care of it (ie. Nannies, daycare, being able to go to work.) I think this one is the biggest of my worries, really. I know people have made fun of and very harshly criticized parents for struggling with having their kids at home full time during the various lockdowns of the world, but speaking as someone who actually teaches preschool and high school kids full time, they take a lot of energy--and I only have them in class! They have a set taks and I have a set task, and they can turn to each other for fun, for something to do, for support, for many things they need that a single person can't provide. I don't want to have a child and find out I can't handle the reality of it.

And if course, I worry that all this worrying isn't normal, that it's a sign I convinced myself I wanted something I don't actually want and I'm being delusional and I'll go through it and then regret it for the rest of my life. It's the same worry that I have about transitioning, which itself is the reason why I haven't really started any official process to even change my first name even though I've been going by Matt everywhere for six years now, so I'm pretty sure I can reasonably expect I won't regret *that* at least. Which I guess partially boils down to: if I haven't been spending my every conscious moments trying to get to that goal, if I've been fine with the limbo for so long, do I even really want to get out of it?

UGH. Well. That's out, I guess. Hopefully, it'll accomplish more than just stressing the cats out x)

[silviakundera]

Moonlight Chicken Liveblogging Ep 6-7

Ep 6

Wow my otp talking like mature adults again. All Wen had to do was show up emotionally wounded & homeless. And now he's sleeping on Jim's floor. Seize the day, babygirl!

The cat treat product placements are the best in dramaland because they mean we get adorable cat moments. Never been excited for any product placement before (besides the infamous sex bread, of course).

We're back to THE YEARNING. Babygirl has figured out that Jim will let him curl towards him and rest his head against his shoulder. This is becoming his go-to move. They clearly both savor the closeness. This is emotional edging!! Jim, you freak!!!!#

Then we get flashbacks that show Jim confronting his cheating partner with his, er, cheating. But then he dies in an accident so they can't ever resolve things.

Wen getting flirty as he 'helps' steady Jim om his waist. The way that Jim rebuffs him BUT so gently holds onto Wen's hand for a moment and strokes it. It's the sweetest lowkey soothing gesture. I'm gonna hyperventilate.

"Can I sleep on your lap?"

The way that Jim always tries to go with it when Wen wants his attention, as if to make up for the 1 big yes he can't handle yet. ❤

Definitely just friends. The most friends. 100% platonic behavior. (a common colleague)

YAS! Wen continues his campaign by joining Jim for temple and convinces him to meet the girl his ex was involved in. That's right, let's shake that baggage and see what falls out!

"We just fell in love with a selfish man."

How great was it that they avoided making that woman also involved with his ex a scheming bitch caricature? It's been some years and she's just left with these memories too but she's put it all to rest. Jim and the audience can't really know if she's telling the truth that this man loved both of them, even if he was with her first and Jim unknowingly the interloper. Was the love Jim thought he experienced a lie? It's impossible to ever know; the dead keep their secrets. But she treated him like an equal in the conversation, with respect. She's frank about the fact that they were involved first and she told the boyfriend to break with Jim (fair!) but she even assures Jim that she's not sure he would have. There's the sense that she's moved on enough to be able to examine the past clinically - but then, she'd be seen as having the 'right' to ask questions of family & friends and the confidence that she had a right to know his whereabouts & the company he kept. She wasn't in the dark and so could face her demons head-on while Jim took 4 years and Wen's support to gear up the courage to approach for answers (knowing the reaction could potentially be very ugly).

And she's now happily married to a better guy. Good 4 her. Screenwriter could have played this another way with misogynist undertones but avoided that pitfall.

📢 we have graduated to hand holding! 📢 Wen continues to be THE best boyfriend-in-waiting and they enjoy beach time and a weight off Jim's shoulders because he finally has a true confidante.

Yes now all of my cdrama experience is showing but, like, this whole concept of The One Who Truly Knows You In This Life... That's what this otp has become. What they're allowing to happen.

Just underlines what I was thinking when Wen's ex gets in a drunk accident and needs caretaking. Jim sets everything aside, brings him to the hospital and totally understands that Wen will step in to help his ex. No explanations required.

Ep 7

Wen being a good ex partner, sheparding Alan to appointments. Learning to be kind to each other again. Love this for them. This whole plotline is so well done.

[asdfghjk I got so emotional about this that I texted one of my fav exes that we need to catch up & we're brunching this weekend]

Babygirl is irrepressible. He's totally making a beach date happen by force of will. He reaches out again & again but we can see the changes happening.

It's a sharp contrast to the next scene with Gaipa and that reminds the audience that Jim will clearly and decisively shut down a suitor. He's not passive or a such people pleaser that he can't make it clear when it's not gonna happen. The situation with Wen is entirely different - there's an understanding that Jim isn't ready to go there (yet) but the feelings are very obviously mutual and there's easy skinship that's not platonic.

aaaand the situation with the nephew comes to head!

Jim (freaking tf out) : oh great I made u poor AND gay

Sexually liberated teen Li Ming, to his uncle having war flashbacks of homophobic extended family, closeted gay childhood, and first gay love who betrayed him & died still in the closet to his family: what's the big deal?

😭😂😭

Leng the hapless straight boy employee has really grown on me. The dude is simple but he's actually THE greenest of flags boyfriend in the whole cast. Gonna marry his pregnant gf who he clearly adores and just do his best. Friend of the local disaster gays. The most chill.

seriously Jim, you know Wen is THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU and helps you work out everything you're overthinking and widens your perspective. He's out here helping untangle your internalized homophobia and the shadow of your sister's continued discomfort with your sexuality. You need this man!!!!!!! Damn it Jim!!!!!!!

Wen: what are we? ☺ let's define our relationship? ☺ you know, I might give up on you... 😏

Jim: (gives a cheek kiss) (does not, in fact, want to be given up on)

Wen: (system crash & restart)

ok but I NOTICED that once last episode and now this episode Wen playfully threatens to give up on him, seeking a good faith gesture, and both times Jim gives in. He agrees to eat out of Wen's hand in ep 6 and now 💋

awwww Gaipa's mom passes away at only 49. And that's sometimes how life goes. Good showcase of the neighborhood community they built over the last few years, because he's not dealing with this grief alone.

Oh man, another flashback to the funeral of Jim's first love and the reality that so many queer people in previous generations had to go thru - when your partner passes away and you have no rights to common property that wasn't in your name. I LOVE that's the root of Jim's financial strain that we've been witnessing -- that he lost everything that was in Beam's name, and this is part of why his reaction to his nephew's sexuality was anxiety. This drama is so much about 3 queer generations. I just really appreciate that.

Jim looking out for Wen's ex Alan as he struggles with crutches and Wen is there at the funeral for someone he doesn't really know, working on his laptop inside. Holding hands as Jim stops fighting the inevitable and lets the diner (and its ghosts) go. Just supporting each other and being THE most functional boyfriends without being boyfriends* (*technicality).

The family stuff between Jim, nephew Li Ming, and the sister/mom is compelling. The most interested I've been in the kid's storyline.

[pvtjoker22]

Okay, it's time for my annual 2024 Horror Media Watchlist, so without further ado --

2024:

Lisa Frankenstein

Longlegs

Late Night with the Devil

Tarot

Alien Romulus

Lovely, Dark, & Deep

The First Omen

Abigail

Exhuma

Terrifier 3

Oddity

Lowlifes

Salem's Lot (2024)

The Hangman

VHS Beyond

The Substance

Here for Blood

Blackout

Lumberjack the Monster

Maxxxine

In a Violent Nature

Infested

Stream

Nosferatu (2024)

Kind of a slow start to the year, but Lisa Frankenstein starts off strong as a really fun romp through 80s horror and teen flick nostalgia. Absolutely loved this one, and was surprisingly boundary-pushing for a pg-13 horror comedy.

I had an alright time with Late Night with the Devil and its recreation of that era of television was genuinely impressive but the pacing felt very strange in the last third, as it seemed to me like we kind of jumped straight to a conclusion. Still definitely a good film though and worth a watch. Also, the whole use of AI thing sucks too, found out about it after watching and ethics aside, it just kind of looks bad.

Abigail was phenomenal as usual for Radio Silence. It was campy, but still had some stuff to say about second chances and parenthood. The setting was exquisite and felt so lived-in. It was somehow both terrifying and cozy. It was definitely a mood.

Melissa Barrera was fantastic as Joey, there's a really incredible dance sequence/possession sequence set to a Danzig song that's just so perfect. Kevin Durand is funny af, and Dan Stevens is a madman as usual. What I'm saying is, this is my top spot.

Exhuma was pretty solid, not expecting it to be so overtly political (not to say horror, or even art isn't inherently political, but this film feels pretty nationalist, especially in the back half)

Absolutely loved the theme of taking back land from colonizers/wealthy, etc. It did feel a bit like the villain lost a bit of intensity in the final confrontation. (Their first experience, where you just see a looming seven foot tall figure was quite intense)

Not sure if I'd place it higher than The Wailing or The Handmaiden for examples but solid entry into the Korean Horror canon.

The First Omen was a lot better than I expected, mostly because I had no expectations for an Omen movie in 2024. It's got a really cool 70s grit melded with a modern flair that just kind of works. There's some really nice candle-lit scenes that were impeccable. The themes of bodily autonomy were predictable, but well-executed. Pretty darn solid.

Lovely, Dark, & Deep was a pretty good folk/cosmic horror that uses shallow focus way better than Army of the Dead ever did. I liked Georgina Campbell's performance and I loved the scenic shots in this movie. It reminded me a lot of Spring and The Battery and how those movies could look just so peaceful despite the horrors.

Lumberjack the Monster may be the most grounded Takashi Miike film I've seen in ages. It's also a pretty fascinating exploration of the hypothetical scenario of psychopaths bearing the weight of their guilt by finally being able to empathize and how that would play out. It also in a broader sense explores the prevalence of clinical psychopaths in society which is uh, a real problem. There's a line that stuck out to me based on the Hypocrisy of the character, and it was something like "judge me based on my actions, not my personality" and yeah, they were right, but also this character was indeed morally bankrupt. I think it may have been used as a 'broken clock is right twice a day' sort of moment. Anyway, this is all to say, it was an interesting movie with interesting questions without any easy answers.

Lowlifes was great up until the ending which I felt was unearned. I understand that the intention was clearly to upend expectations, but wouldn't it be a bigger shock if the poor rural folks were trusted by the authorities? I thought it was going to be a cool 'working class folks defeat symbol of their oppression' kind of story but it seemed the twists were mostly just for shock value. Still a great movie up to that point but I think your mileage may vary depending on how you interpret/feel about that ending.

I quite liked Blackout despite it's admittedly obvious low budget. It's thematic depth and gore wasn't half bad. I also thought it was a genuinely neat idea to use lycanthropy as metaphor for alcohol addiction (note the liquor consumed every time he 'blacks out' / 'becomes a monster'). The social commentary was a bit more direct/ham-fisted but I didn't hate it.

Here for Blood was just delightful, campy dumb fun. It's basically Evil Dead with a wrestler protagonist. There's at least a handful of really good gags with some solid mileage.

At the time I'm writing this Alien Romulus is probably tied for my personal top spot even with the iffyness around Rook (I understand Fede Alvarez reached out to Ian Holm's family, I also know his family and friends said he would've loved it and it honours his place in the franchise, it's just really distracting ya know?)

It's easily the best after Alien and Aliens even with that blemish - the themes around immigration under capitalism/bureaucracy is a strong one and an angle not really explored yet in the series, it's cool seeing the coal miners and the really bottom rungs of Weyland-Yutani society and how they struggle. At least Ripley was part of a flight crew. Also Rain and Andy (especially Andy) are interesting new characters and give stellar performances and that ending did the impossible and made me feel like Prometheus maybe sort of belongs with the rest of the franchise. I'm excited to see where they take it next.

Maxxxine was a pretty solid closer, but I think Pearl edges it out. It just had a bit of funky pacing, and pulled its punches more than I expected. The ending though was pretty rad, coalescing around the series-long theme of fantasy encroaching on reality and addiction. Spoilers ahead: In X and Pearl, Maxine and Pearl's pursuit of fame is the fantasy they're trying to make reality, and Maxine's coke addiction reflects her obsession with stardom. It does much the same here in Maxine's finale where she has two dream sequences. I think the first implies she feels she doesn't deserve the fame as she sins and executes her (admittedly murderous cult leader) father saying her father's mantra of 'a life I don't deserve' after imagining an absurdly large premiere for her B-movie. The second is right after she completes her film, and I think it's meant to be her realizing that stardom/fame is a high she'll be constantly chasing to fleeting returns like her coke (she does one more bump in her trailer right before wrapping filming), the pertinent line here is 'I just wish it would never end'.

Oddity was fun, and a pretty good slowburn. I just wanted more use of the cursed items. The film teases us with a menagerie of Darcy's oddities but we only see her use two in her revenge plot. Those two items of course have exceedingly creepy results but it's still a smaller payoff than what I had hoped for.

Infested scared the shit out of me, and I would not reccomend it to fellow arachnaphobes. That said it is a good film. There's a clear, if blunt allegory here around bigotry (infested are the spiders but they're also the residents of this public housing complex). There's a standout terrying sequence involving a chase, a crank flashlight and some massive fucking spiders. I felt my chest tighten during this whole scene (well I mean during the entire movie really)

In a Violent Nature was really quite good, and was a more palatable piece of experimental filmmaking compared to last year's Skinamarink. The central conceit this time is what if we followed the slasher's perspective in a slasher film? Also the ending of this one was very fascinating so...more spoilers! Our final girl is rescued by a passing trucker who tells a story of her brother being attacked by a wild 'bear' in these woods and how sometimes animals don't really have a reason for what they do, basically comparing Johnny to the brutality of nature itself. The entire time our trope-focused brains are expecting a jump-scare that never comes, essentially putting us into the traumatized shoes of this poor final girl. Johnny also subverting expectations seemingly does rest after completing his quest for the necklace, and doesn't pop out for any final surprise showdown. Leaving it ambiguous as to whether he's simply a brutish force of nature or has some level of acuity to him.

Well, Longlegs is emerging in the top 3 with Romulus and Abigail. Longlegs starts off as a grimy 90s set detective thriller (something like Seven, or Silence of the Lambs) but quickly morphs into something with far more 'legs (bad joke I know). That initial act, is supposed to set you up to shock you when supernatural elements start coming into play, but there's enough weirdness early on to mitigate the tonal shift. In the best possible way, this feels like a big budget X-Files or Twin Peaks episode. Maika Monroe, Blair Underwood, Alicia Witt and Nicolas Cage all give committed fascinating performances. The depth of the acting is equally matched by the thematic depth of the story, parental-child conflict that's just so juicy. Lee's mom in particular is interesting in how she feels justified in doing what she does to 'protect' Lee. T-Rex rules, this movie rules, and there's a solid undercurrent of dark comedy.

So I'm going to tackle Terrifier 1-3 as one entry as it's an entire series I watched this year. Terrifier 1 I'd say was mediocre outside of David Howard Thorton as Art himself who was menacing and hilarious in equal measure, sometimes within the same scene. Besides that though, the plot was relatively non-existent and it lacked much in terms of character. Victoria, at least in this outing, was barely a character let alone a compelling final girl. The second movie however improves upon these weaknesses while keeping the good. This one actually had a pretty great, fantasy infused, sometimes surrealist story about a demon clown versus a prophesized maybe Nephilim figure in Sienna. Her brother, Johnathan, is also a sympathetic figure and is sort of representative of young men who are struggling silently with mental health, as authority figures constantly ignore his honest pleas for help throughout the movie. Both Sienna and Johnathan are also grappling with the loss of a loved one in their apparently mentally unstable father (who may have had visions of Sienna's ascension as an angelic figure to thwart Art), and adds to this theme or perhaps I'm giving the film too much credit. Regardless, this was a far more balanced, and enjoyable entry. Terrifier 3, finally, keeps up the higher quality y of 2, while dialing back a bit on the fantasy and bringing back some of the grit of the first film. Tonally, this is maybe the best of the bunch and you can clearly see Leone's improvement as a filmmaker across the series. Despite maybe his biggest flaw, that being not perhaps the best at editing and cutting down scenes, still being present. I also really enjoyed Sienna's battle with PTSD from the last film (and honestly just continue to dig her as a character, she's definitely one the better modern final girls we've had).

Speaking of Terrifier, I also watched Stream. While not directed by Damien Leone, it did have his VFX work in it for the kills. There's not much to speak to in terms of the plot, and is in many ways, a no frills slasher film but it is that back to basics approach that works in its favour. It also has like Wishmaster before it, a stacked cast of horror royalty including Jeffrey Combs, Danielle Harris, Tony Todd and more. I did really love the setting of a hotel locked down for a murder stream, as it works effectively as a thematically peaceful location thrown into turmoil.

Salem's Lot was really not good. I DNF it about thirty minutes in. The only enjoyable part of it was the giallo-inspired lighting which was admittedly a cool choice but when the characters, the mood, the setting, etc. all feel incredibly hallow then it doesn't really matter all that much.

VHS Beyond was another great entry in a series that's been on a hell of a run since VHS '94. This time, the shorts are all centered around science fiction concepts. For me, my favourites were easily the opening action horror segment with the monster hunting SWAT team, and the plane crash set-piece. That was truly unreal given the limitations these films generally set on themselves.

The Substance is the true heir to the Cronenberg body horrors of yore. Demi Moore gives a heartbreaking performance, the effects are insane, the plot even more insane. The scene with the reflection in the door knob is tragic and horrifying and will stick with me. Goddamn this movie was good.

2024's Nosferatu film was maybe Robert Eggers best yet. The new prologue, and the additional themes make it more of a tale of a survivor confronting the looming shadow of their childhood abuser. The attention to historical accuracy and detail, like all of Eggers films, was appreciated and left us with a very unique take on Orlok. The use of shallow focus, muted colours and candle lighting in a number of scenes worked wonders for making this an extremely atmospheric film. There were scenes I wanted framed in my house. This movie is gorgeous. Additionally the cast kills it. Just absolutely demolishes their roles, in particular Nicholas Hoult and LIly Rose-Depp. Their performances are a wild mixture of love, shame, grief, and rage and it's a wonder to watch.

Films not from 2024:

The Exorcist 3

The Exorcist : Believer

Frankenstein (1931)

Beau is Afraid

Watcher

Nosferatu (1922)

Jennifer's Body

Night of the Hunter

Creep

Thanksgiving

The Night House

Gamera : Guardian of the Universe

Don't Look Now

Cure

Terrifier 1

Terrifier 2

The Witch Part 1: Subversion

Frankenstein's Army

Lord of Illusion

Bride of Frankenstein

Sleepy Hallow

Urban Legend

The Collector

The Collection

Thanksgiving was a really fun whodunnit slasher and definitely a more accessible Eli Roth film than his usual fare. Still has some punches of brutal gore spread throughout though.

The Exorcist 3 has a lot of dialogue but so much of it is so captivating that a scene can go by with nary a scare and you'll still be entertained by the performances.

Watcher by Chloe Okuno was a bit of a sleeper hit for me. It was pretty much a riff on Rear Window, but was actually up to the task. A taut thriller, with another really great Maika Munroe role.

The Night House may be my new favourite David Bruckner directed feature, and holy shit that Rebecca Hall performance? Unreal

I did really enjoy Jennifer's Body but perhaps it's because I saw it first but as far as Diablo Cody-written films go, I did prefer Lisa Frankenstein. There was still quite a bit to enjoy here. The comedy did feel a little crueler though, which depending on your mood can be good or bad. I think I was just in the mood for something a bit lighter and was taken off-guard by how much was surprisingly poignant in this film. Great movie regardless.

Beau is Afraid was an incredibly indulgent, surrealist horror that was perhaps the most anxious film I've ever seen. Deeply upsetting and unsettling, this was yet another Ari Aster joint. Is it his best? Maybe not, but it's absolutely worth watching.

I finally got around to watching The Collector/Collection series and it did not disappoint. It's a bit darker and came in the wake of Saw, but unlike that franchise hasn't overstayed its welcome. Both entries are solid, and a bit more campy/fun. This series also gives you a well-developed, fun protagonist to follow in Arkin. Even if we never get a third entry, the two films that are here are great. The first is basically a cat-and-mouse tense duel between Arkin whose robbing a house to pay off his famlily's debts and the serial killer occupying it the same night. The second follows a rescue operation meant to free one of The Collector's victims, and Arkin is brought along as their guide. Keep in mind though if you check this one out there's a trigger warning around animal death. I was able to handle it mostly due to the absurdity of it (acid death, the cat was pretty obviously a puppet prop, dog exploded into giblets) but it is intended to be a bit darker than something like say, Malignant.

Frankenstein's Army was pretty rad and had just a treasure trove of great practical effects. The creatures are really inventive here and are more or less the star of the show in an otherwise relatively conventionally structured found footage movie.

Lord of Illusion is another fun Clive Barker film, like Nightbreed, but with a detective played by the incredible Scott Bakula in pursuit of a case involving an illusionist, the illusionist's wife and a cult in the desert. Like all Barker films and stories, it's weird, the good kind of weird and has some really fun vibes. I mean, it's a seedy underbelly society of wizards? What's not to love.

Terrifier 1 and 2 I already discussed above so we'll skip over those here.

Urban Legend is another great slasher from the 90s that came in the wake of Scream. Interestingly I watched it around when I saw Stream and like that film it's clearly a love letter to the genre as it features both Robert Englund and Brad Douriff and both are great in their all too brief appearances. The film is a very fun whodunnit with murders planned around famous urban legends like 'the person in the backseat' or some sort of hanging one I've never heard of. The cast is pretty great and understand the assignment, and it's definitely a solid contender in the same league as say, I Know what you did last summer.

I liked but didn't love Don't Look Now as while the performances were exceptional and Donald Sutherland is exceptional as always, and the film has great tension. It felt a little padded out to me, or I just did not feel out the pacing as well as I would've liked. Still, a really intriguing film though, and that image of the raincoat was very striking. Definitely recommend it for Sutherland though as he makes for an excellent father trapped in his grief.

Bride of Frankenstein was somehow even better than the first film, despite only really being the latter half of the novel and a few additions. Those additions are quite interesting though because Dr. Pretorius puts a mirror up to the good Dr. himself, and illustrates that while Henry may have had folly in creating life, he had something of a moral code, and a sense of some ethics. Pretorius, meanwhile, is more than willing to manipulate everyone given his "my one weakness" speeches. That ending is heartbreaking and moving, wow.

Nosferatu (1922) holds up better than Dracula '31 which I feel isn't a hot take but maybe mild at best. It had a larger influence on cinema as a whole I think. The rising out of the coffin sequence is iconic.

Night of the Hunter is elevated by Robert Mitchum's terrifying preacher serial killer and its dreamlike atmosphere. It's dark fairytale stylings almost remind me of a Del Toro film if it were maybe decades ago. The child actors also do a surprisingly convincing job for what they had to do. The basement scene will be etched into my brain for a LONG time.

Cure is a haunting mystery-thriller in a similar vein to Silence of the Lambs with a bit more of an occultist lean. Kurosawa's use of long, tracking shots gives the film a bit of a patient, meditative feel which works in contrast to our explosive protagonist. Like it's antagonist, the film's dialogue can have a hypnotizing quality to it and the film lingers in the mind long after.

TV:

SurrealEstate S1-2

True Detective : NIght Country

Parasyte: The Gray

SurrealEstate is a low budget Canadian series about a realtor who sells haunted houses genrally dealing with the spirits haunting said abode. It's got a case-of-the-week structure but generally serves well above it's punching weight. It doesn't hurt that a fair number of episodes in both seasons have been directed by Danishka Esterhazy, the director behind the Banana Splits movie, and the Slumber Party Massacre remake, both pretty fun B-horror projects.

True Detective : Night Country is absolutely incredible, blogged about it already but I really loved Issa Lopez's direction and the story's use of magical realism and surrealism.

Parasyte: The Gray expands the manga/anime franchise to a concurrent invasion taking place in Korea. Tonally and thematically, they nailed it.

Books/Comics:

A Lush and Seething Hell

In particular, that second novella is incredible. It's subversive ending was truly devastating and left me thinking about it long after. But both are fantastic slices of cosmic horror.

The Hollow Places by T. Kingfisher

I seen one person online describe The Hollow Places as 'The Gilmore Girls meets horror' and I'm pretty sure they meant it in a reductive way but that's fuckin' awesome.

Video Games:

Signalis

Withering Rooms

Crow Country

Anodyne

Still Wakes the Deep

Signalis is games as art in the best way, it is beautiful and moving and horrifying in ways that are unimaginable. On my first playthrough I got the 'Promise' ending which I felt was a brutal but beautiful ending given the dystopian setting. Also, hell of a romantic story. I've said this before in relation to films like Shape of Water and Spring, but horror and romance pair together better than you might think.

Withering Rooms released into 1.0 this year, and oh boy, this game is one of those types that at one point only existed in the mind of an overly excitable fan of the genre. It borrows essentially the best parts of Clock Tower, Dark Souls, Castlevania, Silent Hill, and roguelikes and somehow becomes greater than the sum of its parts. Incredibly, it feels both nostalgic and fresh at the same time and this OST is batting way above average. This might be my personal game of the year.

Crow Country is incredible, and makes for a great survival horror entry point. Some really cool environmental themes and world-building that go in truly unique directions. As a bonus, the chunky block people made the ol' brain-box think of Final Fantasy 7 and it felt weirdly cozy for a horror game.

Definitely didn't expect to add Anodyne to the year-end rap-up when I started playing it. I didn't know that this cute looking Zelda clone had so much surreal horror. There's bosses experiencing suicidal ideation and Youngtown seems to be an expression of violent thoughts. I get the game seems to be some commentary on grief/trauma/depression of some kind, but does anyone else feel the line about something from the stars towards the end + all the talk about The Seeing One seem to imply some eldritch horror? or is it just me. I think something can be an allegory and have a more direct plot going on at the same time. This game was a total blast for the 9 or so hours it took to beat.

Okay, while I don't have a fully rounded perspective on Still Wakes the Deep as I haven't finished it yet, what I have played has been wonderful. It's somewhat of a walking sim, with a bit more gameplay. Namely a number of stealth segments -- the game manages to be quite tense and horrifying. It's basically Scottish The Thing, and boy what a fun premise that is. There seems to be a number of themes of corporate overreach, and environmental damage -- the implicit creatures being some sort of response to these actions, and I'm a sucker for pro-worker themes so I think Still Wakes the Deep will be a favourite of mine in the end.

[to-be-frank-i-dont-care]

OMG SHUT UPPPPPP!!!!! I just saw your account under studyblr and I can’t believe I found someone with my DREAM major. Please tell me how you like it so far (if you want)!!😊😊

Hi friend!! Sorry I haven't answered this, actually the same day you sent this I got dropped from the vet clinic I was interning at so that's the main reason I haven't answered yet lol, because I've been trying to process that for the past few days (and also had finals to deal with :P )

But just to clarify, I'm not a vet tech just yet - I have two years left of school unfortunately before I can graduate and take the VTNE but I can tell you how the program is going at least!! I'm about to start my fifth semester (out of 9) and it's gone pretty well so far, though my study motivation has gradually dropped throughout each semester so I'm gonna really try to lock in this coming semester lol. Whenever you start, DEFINITELY make sure to study a few hours a day!! Especially because there is a ton of information you have to learn, and it can be difficult to remember it all, so I think the best thing is just to review it over and over and over till you're pretty much sick of it. (Something I haven't been doing a great job at, but I definitely need to because before I know it I'll be taking the VTNE, heh). So yeah, definitely be sure to study A LOT!!

Also, the program I'm in is an online one, which...I would NOT recommend doing online tbh (could just be my experience though :) . I chose online because I thought it might be less stressful/expensive, and it's definitely more affordable, but the program I'm doing (and most online vet tech programs, from what I understand) requires you to take what they call "mentorships," and in each mentorship you have to film and submit a certain number of videos with ultra-specific criteria. This also means you have to find a vet clinic willing not only to teach you, but to also let you film videos with signed supervision from a DVM or LVT, and as an introvert that has been a nightmare 😭 The clinic I was interning at was...not the best environment, especially for a student. I started seeing and experiencing a lot of red flags the longer I was there till they finally dropped me without warning, so my experience in the field so far has been pretty sour and discouraging. However, I'm currently seaching for a new clinic that will be more healthy to be in, so I'm not giving up or anything!

But, I will say, vet med is a super difficult field to go into mentally, emotionally, and physically. I follow a ton of vet tech accounts on instagram and have read a lot of things about it online, and have therefore discovered that most techs don't last long in the field before burning out. LVTs are in super high demand right now because so many of them burn out quickly due to rotten clients, toxic workplaces/bosses, super low pay, compassion burnout, trauma from abuse cases and euthanasias, and a whole lot more. I knew this before I started my program, and still it was really, really hard to get used to, along with my first experience being in what I would probably say it's safe to call a toxic clinic. I guess it was a good thing I had such a terrible experience straight off because now I'm prepared for any similar experiences in future, but again, it's a really tough field to be in. I'm not saying this to scare you off or anything! Just that it's going to be really difficult some days, and you're going to come home sobbing at times and won't be able to shake images from your head for a while. But they do fade, and they do get better, and you grow and learn from them and become even more inspired to help. And there are definitely a lot of great clinics out there, so not all of them are toxic either :) (though I've heard many are because of stress/overwork/burnout, so I imagine you do have to be choosy in finding a good one)

But anyway, my very little experience in the actual field itself so far was mostly fun aside from all the above. In the few months I was at that clinic before it really started going downhill, I was shown various procedures/tests/etc and got to do a lot. I did very much enjoy all the things I got to do, and I think you will too, so keep working towards it! I'll have to make an update post sometime once I've found a better clinic, and I hope this post hasn't scared you off at all 😅 Just again, I would (personally) recommend finding an in-person program to do, because that way you'll be doing all your stuff on-campus instead of having to call/email all these random clinics till you find one that's willing to accept/teach you (unless you're an extrovert who's okay with that, lol, or unless you want a more affordable option!). Anyway, I'm sorry this is so wordy and rambly and I wish you the best of luck in your studies (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ If you have any more questions feel free to send them! :)

[floipenstein]

Ok I had a bunch more thoughts about this than I thought I would, and I really needed to exorcise them from my brain if this essay is gonna go on my blog. Basically, Executive Dysfunction is real, and the part of the essay I have a problem with is the implication that it's not.

Read more if you wanna read my whole hastily-written fucking rant though (not blaming you if you don't honestly).

Alright, I think this essay is great and actually describes ADHD in a very accurate way. Like this essay is totally worth a read to understand ADHD better. This person has a very good understanding of ADHD. It makes me want to pursue body doubling as a thing instead of just thinking about how it might help me. HOWEVER this is also not to say that body doubling would solve all ADHD problems. This essay is like, ALMOST actually invalidating a bunch of stuff about ADHD at the same time that it's trying to defend ADHD and explain it.

The essay does kind of address this though. It says that ADHD is a real neurotype, which is great, because it is. It points out that meds genuinely help many ADHDers. Which they do, like myself. Without meds I'm like some kind of slug. With meds, I actually have a hope of getting myself to do things, and I can actually put my thoughts together the way I want. They make me feel more like me.

I agree with some parts of what the essay is saying about how society causes a lot of problems that ADHDers have. Like people really do ingrain an individualistic mindset. A lot of people seem to think you should just be able to do stuff on your own. I've also been surprised at how many people think you shouldn't feel rewarded for doing something basic even if it was really difficult for you, which I think is in the same vein of that individualistic idea.

But I think the essay kind of also invalidates a lot of things that I would definitely struggle with even if society were very different. I think my biggest problem is with the paragraph that talks about the duality of ADHD things. "ADHDers lack focus, except for when they don't" etc. Like, all of the things in that paragraph are things that I struggle with, and they are all real, and not just real because society doesn't accommodate me enough or because clinicians see me a certain way.

Both lack of focus AND hyperfocus can and do fuck me over all the time. Without my meds, I AM emotionally volatile AND spacey. Too much for ME! Like I don't enjoy the experience! It's not just that society doesn't accept me a certain way, or that I take meds just to fit into society better. It's that ADHD symptoms fucking suck in their own right! Even if I have the day off, no responsibilities in sight, give me my fucking meds man, I want to fucking think straight.

I do also think that Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is real. And not something caused by the way that society treats us our whole lives. And also not something that everyone goes through. That is the kind of invalidation that I don't like about this essay. Like, executive dysfunction is real, and worth identifying. This essay is so callous against the clinical definitions of ADHD that it kind of points the gun back at the victims imo.

Executive dysfunction is real and worth identifying. Like I said, this essay is great in a lot of ways. Body doubling is tits and I want to more seriously pursue it after reading this, because it will probably help me a lot. But if I want this thing on my blog, I have to make clear what parts I endorse and what parts I don't.

I think anything else I could say would basically be me rambling instead of exorcising thoughts. There. RANT OVER.

Despite how popular and effective body doubling appears to be, empirical research has not tested it as an intervention for people with ADHD at all. It’s a shockingly simple way to address a variety of problems, from a child struggling to complete his homework, to a grown adult who can’t tackle the massive pile of used clothes on her couch. Doctors prescribe stimulants to ADHDers facing “executive functioning” difficulties like these all the time. Yet no clinician has ever examined whether prescribing a body double would be an effective treatment — despite the fact that anecdotally, it addresses the problem more directly than meds do, and it doesn’t come with the risk of building up a physical tolerance or any unwanted side-effects.  To understand why body doubling is so neglected by professionals, we have to look at the flawed way that psychiatry and psychology conceptualizes the ADHDer’s experience. Professionals largely view ADHD as a disorder of motivation and attention, a disability located inside the mind that must be solved on a solely individual level. This framing makes it impossible to understand the ADHDer as a unique, neurodivergent social being interacting with a broader cultural and economic context.  Every feature of ADHD, as it is clinically described, is one of pathology and lack. ADHDers are “time blind”: they don’t have an instinct for what hour of the day it is, or how long a task takes. Nevermind that humans have relied upon time-keeping technologies for as far back as recorded history goes, suggesting that none of us approach time by instinct.  ADHDers lack focus, except for when they don’t, in which case they’re suffering from hyperfocus, and that’s actually a problem too. ADHDers are emotionally volatile — but they’re also too spacy. They dissociate from reality too much, but when they take steps to address this, they are guilty of needing too much stimulation and being too active. And they’re lazy — except for when they’re staying up very late at night working, being most productive during the hours society tells them they ought to be asleep.  If the many complex features of Autism can be best summed up by saying that we have a bottom-up processing style in a world built for top-down processors, then the best way to summarize ADHD is this: people with ADHD are highly socially motivated, but they live in a world where independence is prioritized. 

Read the rest of this essay for free on my Substack!