#also i think. we just had like a lot of time together and now im going straight from that to only talking on the phone and so. obviously
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lord please save her for me
paige bueckers x fem oc
hello! welcome to my new fic, i hope u like it! please let me know what yâall think, i have each chapter planned out but iâm not sure when iâll update again. probably soon lmao đđŠââ¤ď¸âđâđŠđŞ˝đ
chapter one:
leni knew the first time she saw paige again it would feel like a kick in the stomach but to say she felt winded was an understatement. the sight in front of her had her breath stuck in her throat, heart beating out of her chest and her head spinning, she had to rest on the wall to balance herself. it wasnât out of character for paige to be here. it was frat party at the beginning of the semester. paige was almost guaranteed to be here. but leni would have betted her life that the blonde wouldâve come with her friends not the red head, wearing barely any clothes that was latched onto her arm currently.
âyou good babe?â leniâs girlfriend, riley asks from beside her. she reached out a hand to rest on lenis back but the curly haired girl shrugged her off, âim fine. just feeling hot. can you get me some water?â leni asks in hopes to have a moment alone with her thoughts to process what she just saw. paige with a girl that wasnât her. her paige with a girl that looked nothing like her.
despite having a girlfriend herself, leni was far from a hypocrite. a year ago leni was bearing her heart, all but begging paige to turn thier friends with benefits deal into something more serious. they already spent evenings laid together in bed. weekends walking around target or studying together. off days lounging around each others apartments. they were only fucking each other too. what would a title change? apparently a lot to paige.
leni tried for days but paige could not be swayed, shaking her head and furrowing her brow each time leni brought up the idea of them being girlfriends.
âi just donât do that kind of thing len.â
âwhat we have right now is good. why change it?â
âiâm focused on basketball, i donât need distractions.â
leni reached her breaking point, telling paige it was either they make it official or they never see each other again. she couldnât continue in âwill they, wonât theyâ cycle. leni had caught feelings for paige. feelings so deep she wanted to shout it from the rooftops and it felt like her entire world crashed down when paige said it was best if they didnât see each other again.
leni cried for days on end. buried under her duvet, waiting and wishing for paige to call or text and say she was wrong. to say she cared for leni they way leni cared for her. but no call or text came and eventually leni had to pick herself up and dust herself off. life doesnât end when a blue eyed girl breaks your heart.
paige saw leni as soon as she walked in. of course she did. paige would spot leni in a sea of a thousand people. her bouncy curls, longer than the last time paige saw them, her brown skin, still showing the remnants of summer, her dark brown eyes, deep as ever as they flitted around the room. paige also saw the blonde girl next to leni, the way her hand touched her back, the way her lips pressed to lenis temple. paige wanted to punch that girl right in the face.
âwhere are you going?â camilla, paiges girlfriend asks as paige begins to walk away from her, âjust to find a toilet. i wonât be long.â paige lies and she hurries off before camilla can say anything in response. paige wasnât going to find a toilet. paige was going to find leni and she knew exactly where she would be.
âlet me guess. you needed some fresh air.â hearing paiges voice made lenis hairs stand on end. she hadnât heard that raspy drawl in so long she had forgotten what it sounded like. âyou never did like parties.â paige says standing next to leni on the front porch. leni refused to look at paige, staring straight ahead, she focused on a street lamp in the distance that flickered. âi still donât.â she says and in her head, her voice was strong and brave but her lips betrayed her and her words came out shaky and low.
âwhy are you here then?â paige asks, ever the curious girl. âi came with my g- a fri-â leni couldnât bring herself to say the word girlfriend to paige. it was stuck in her throat threatening to choke her. âyour girlfriend. you can say it len. you came with your girlfriend.â
âyeah. i did. i came with my girlfriend. looks like you did too. never knew red heads were your thing.â leni all but spits at paige, finally building the courage to look at her. and when she does, the past twelve months of healing and moving on completely unravel and leni feels as though she about to faint.
paige looks the same but simultaneously so different. her hair is still blonde but itâs shorter and a lot brighter, like sheâs just had highlights. her skin looks smoother, in fact sheâs glowing. leni was sure sheâd grown a few inches too, paige was always taller than her but not this much taller. and as bad as leni was trying not to look, it was clear paige had been in the gym. the crop top she wore exposed her toned stomach and muscular arms and leniâs heart rate quickened as memories of those very arms being wrapped around her not so long ago flashed in her mind.
âare blondes your thing or just girls that look like me?â paige retorts and leni scoffs, âget your head out of your ass paige. girls that donât treat me like iâm nothing is my thing.â paige feels limp as leni says that, did she really make leni think she was nothing?
paige had a difficult time with relationships. she branded herself as ânot a relationship girlâ, blaming her focus on basketball as the reason but paige knew that was bullshit. paige wanted nothing more than to have a girl in the stands cheering for her, to come home after practice and her bedroom not be empty but growing up all paige knew was turbulent relationships and broken homes and she vowed to never hurt someone the way she watched her parents hurt each other. and the only way she knew how to do that was to avoid relationships altogether.
âyou werenât nothing to me, len.â paige defends herself but it feels pointless, lenis feelings were written on her face, she always found it hard to mask her emotions and nothing had changed.
âiâm sorry. what i did wasnât fair. i was stupid, so fucking stupid. letting you go-â leni couldnât hear this. not here, not now. not ever actually. leni had gone through hell and back trying to get over paige, just ask her friends who had hugged her while she sobbed, forced her eat when she refused, literally picked her up off the floor multiple nights in a row after she drank enough wine to make her forget paige ever existed.
âpaige, stop. this conversation is futile and one year too late.â leni holds her hand up to stop paige from saying anymore. to stop her from saying the words she was begging to hear last year.
âiâve changed len. i promise. i tried so hard, i worked so hard to change for you. i want to show you that.â
âhave you lost your fucking mind? i have a girlfriend paige and so do you. iâm happy. someone loves me, cares for me and itâs not a secret. itâs not behind closed doors. iâm someoneâs girlfriend and theyâre proud of that. and itâs fucked up of you to say all this stuff now, all this time later. i wasnât enough for you and that ripped my fucking heart to pieces!â
âyou were enough. you are enough. i was just blind and scared.â
leni was fighting the tears that threatened to spill, she didnât want to cry in front of paige, give her the satisfaction of knowing she still affected leni.
paige couldnât bare to see leni cry, the way her eyes glossed over and nose turned red, the way her lip quivered made paiges heart pang with guilt because after all, she was the reason leni was crying. âplease donât cry. i meant what i said. i really am sorry. and i know itâs complicated but i couldnât not tell you this. i couldnât not at least try it would feel like iâm robbing us of a chance.â
leni has averted her gaze again, there was something about holding eye contact with paige that felt like two hands around her neck squeezing every last breath out of her. it was suffocating and all consuming. when she was around paige, leni didnât feel like she was in the same realm as everyone else, she felt transported to somewhere far away but she had to bring herself back down to earth before she did or said something she regretted.
âa year ago you looked me in my eyes and said it would be for the best if we never saw each other again and you were right paige. i shouldnât have come to this stupid party and you shouldnât have followed me out here. from now on, we go back to how it was before. you donât know me. i donât know you.â
âbut i do know you len and you know me. so well.â paige does what sheâs been dying to do since stepping outside with leni and she reaches out and touches her cheek. wiping a stray tear but her hand lingers and lenis eyes flutter closed at the feeling of paige. a feeling sheâs craved for so long now, a feeling sheâs dreamt about experiencing again.
paige has always felt a magnetic pull towards leni. the first time she met her, she was intrigued. she wanted to know more about the dark, curly haired girl. they sat for hours the first time they spoke then they ended up in paiges bed and paige got her wish of knowing more about leni. she knew leni so well it was as if sheâd studied her. she knew what made her tick, how push her buttons, how to make her feel good. paige could read leni like a book, answering her questions before leni even asked them. thatâs not what scared paige though. she knew she could control her feelings. what scared paige was the fact leni knew her in the same way. if paige bueckers was a book, leni had every word committed to memory.
leni placed her hand over paiges, still cupping her face, âpaige, i canât-â she begins to speak but paige cuts her off. âtell me you love her more than me. tell me what you have feels realer than what we had. tell me that and iâll leave you alone.â
leni couldnât say that. she couldnât say any of it because it wasnât true. sheâs never loved anyone the way she loves paige and she doubts she ever will. but leni needed to protect herself. paige hurt her and leni couldnât cope with that again and she had no reason to believe paige when she said sheâd changed.
âdonât do that.â leni says looking at paige, her eyes as blue as ever, round and soft, pulling leni in. âdonât make this my decision. you walked away from me.â
âand it was the biggest mistake of my life.â paige says, eyes flicking down to lenis lips. she wanted to kiss her so bad. push her up against the wall, press her body into hers, one hand on her hip, the other in her hair. she wanted their lips to be on each otherâs, she wanted to taste lenis cherry lip balm, tongues moving in sync as they meshed into one being.
âa mistake youâll have to live with. i care about myself too much to risk being destroyed by the whirlwind that comes along with you paige.â lenis voice breaks as she turns away from paige as much as she believed paige was the reason they never worked out, she couldnât help but feel like she walking away from what sheâs always wanted.
âleni please-â paiges voice also faltered as she tried to pull leni back but the girl was strong and determined, âgoodbye, paige.â
leni had no time to ruminate over the conversation and just about managed to wipe her tear stained cheeks before riley appeared in front of her.
âthere you are! i got your water. who were you talking to out there?â
âno one. no one at all. letâs go dance.â leni says, plastering the fakest of smiles on her face. she didnât worry that riley would notice because riley rarely noticed anything.
leni spent the rest of the night knocking back drinks and willing herself to stop glancing at paige but it was near impossible. the six foot, one hundred and sixty pound girl was alluring to say the least and with her also staring back, leni was beginning to lose composure.
âkiss me.â leni asserts, grabbing on to rileys shirt collar, pulling her down. riley looks confused but she would never deny kissing her beautiful girlfriend so she presses their lips together, leni deepens the kiss, her tongue slipping into rileys mouth but itâs not right. it doesnât feel right. itâs not paige. and that makes leni feel sick. sheâll never kiss paige again and sheâll search for her in every girl but itâll be pointless because no one could compare. no one could even come close.
now breathless from a phoney, drunken make out session that left nothing but the sour taste of beer in her mouth, leni pulls away from riley but her eyes immediately go to where paige was stood just minutes ago. but the athlete is gone. the only sign of her once being there was her girlfriend, now left holding two drinks. âiâm going to the bathroom.â leni mumbles and she slips away from riley, leaving her too, with a drink in each hand.
the multiple drinks leni had consumed in quick succession were catching up to her and her body swayed as she walked around the frat house looking for paige. she swung open random doors, bursting in on one too many explicit activities that she wish she never saw. âsorry, my bad.â she muttered quickly closing another door. she continued her search and by the time she reached the end of the hall, with no sign of paige, she actually needed to pee.
the bathroom was occupied but leni couldnât wait, she knocked on the door over and over, âif youâre in there fucking, get out! iâm about to piss my pants!â she shouted over the music and she heard the lock click before the door slowly opened, âyou never were very patient.â paige emerged from the bathroom and leni felt like this was fate. âi was looking for you.â she slurred, glancing up at paige. âyou were?â leni nods, her eyes are glassy from intoxication, âi hate you for hurting me.â leni mutters but her actions do not resemble hate, they are needy and frantic as she pushes paige backwards into the bathroom, knocking the door closed with her foot.
âyou hate me?â paige asks, hearing those words hurt but feeling lenis touch on her chest as she shoved her against the wall overrode any of that. âuh huh.â leni nods again, her hand now travelling down paiges chest and gripping her waist. âhow much do you hate me?â paige tucks a piece of lenis hair behind her ear and leni leans into the touch, âso fucking much.â lenis breathing is ragged now as she pushes herself against paige, the craving she had for this woman was carnal and she doesnât know how she managed to stay away from her for an entire year.
âyou know im sorry. im different now len. hurting you is my biggest regret.â paige caresses lenis cheek, rubbing her thumb in small circles, she missed the feeling of her soft skin under her fingertips, âand this might just be mine.â leni says as she stands on her tiptoes to reach paige, crashing their lips together for the first time in over three hundred and sixty five days.
the kiss is sloppy and heated and influenced by the copious amounts of alcohol both girls had in their systems. paiges hands found lenis waist and she moaned into her mouth as her fingers explored every dip and curve on her body. leni felt like she was drowning and paige was air, she needed as much as she could get, nipping at paiges bottom lip before slipping her tongue into her mouth, saliva mixing to create the concoction that both girls missed so much.
âleni, are you in there?â there was a knock at the door and the voice of riley made leni jump away from paige, âitâs riley.â she whispered, eyes wide, âjust be quiet.â paige whispered back. âleni?â rileys voice called out again and leni was violently brought back down to earth.
what the hell was she doing? in a frat house bathroom with her ex friend with benefits, kissing her when she had a girlfriend. when they both had girlfriends. this wasnât leni. it wasnât who she was and she wouldnât hurt someone. she wouldnât allow herself to.
âno. this was a mistake. weâre drunk.â leni fixed her appearance in the mirror, smoothing down her tossled curls that paige had messed up, wiping the smudged lip liner from her cupids bow and re-adjusting her shirt that had been pulled down exposing the lace of her bra.
paige watched her silently, blue eyes several shades darker as they glared into the mirror at lenis reflection. leni caught her gaze and for a split second she considered listening to paige and staying silent but riley called out her name again, âim coming!â leni responded and without so much as a glance at paige she unlocked the bathroom door and closed it tight behind her. leaving paige alone and confused, wondering what the fuck just happened.
thank you for reading baddies!! let me know if you want to be added to my tag list for future updates. ILY đđ
tag list: @heart4caitlin @jadasogay @avvwritesstufff @bueckersp
story info
#paige bueckers#uconn wbb#wcbb#wlw#lovegalor333#lgbtq#fanfic#paige bueckers fanfiction#sophs works đŞ˝#lord please save her for me#lpshfm
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care âifâ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like âsmth smth you cant read . ooc loser .âidgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. âsavesâ her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is âi probably won't stop even if you doâ#âguess i am like my father after allâ and yashiro still goes âyou're not. you're pure and im the problemâ#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the âyour sister was lucky she had youâ.#wips tag
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Trying to figure out why this guy in my discussion group for class was annoying me so much and I finally figured it out: I hate being in any class after 3:30pm and the moment I set foot in that room I am immediately irritated just by the fact that I'm there
#shut up me#Extremely frustrating because no one around me deserves my snappiness#i just dont want to be there so badly so every little thing rubs me the wrong way#I do think he genuinely annoys me a little- he can be a little disrespectful to the prof behind her back#and when we first sat down in a group together I was rereading a section of the text to remember the specifics#and because none of us had said anything for a few seconds after he said his thoughts he was like#''you all... did do the reading right?'' come on man.#(''That's a slight on my honour so now I will forever hold a grudge!'' come on man (to myself this time).)#and I think he misses the point to a lot of the readings we do... thats not like. a crime. but again I am already irritated just being ther#but also ''who would want to read this! its just weird.'' sir youre talking to the freak that loved both of these texts#maybe if you read a few horror stories... youll calm down#Im trying not to let my irritation with the hour cloud my perspective and just focus on not accidentally snapping at someone. sigh#reminder to myself to never take a class that STARTS at 3pm or later. It drains the life out of me
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bruh idk what's the damage on all those spiteful writers who have to have a twist ending and change shit at the last minute when people guess what's going on. when someone speculates about an upcoming twist or catches on to what I've been doing I light up like the fucking vegas strip at dusk
#It takes all my restraint not to start spilling the beans on the little breadcrumbs i left and the cool plot thing I've developed in my head#Like!! You guys noticed that!! You picked up what I'm putting down!!#We're in this story TOGETHER and not only are you actively thinking about the thing I've created#We're on the same page!! You drew a conclusion about something I tried to hint about that I'm planning!#It's like we're solving a mystery together. Or doing an escape room#Where im frantically building the puzzles around you while you solve them#Idk it's just cool how we scream into the void about the stories we love and then another voice starts screaming back#Personal#Writing#And you don't get a whole lot of that parallel/simultaneous give and take between author and audience that much#Fanfiction is a medium of literature but it's also a community#I mean fan works in general but my experience specifically is in writing#And in studying literature as a concept and the history of new genres developing#Like somebody was the first person to come up with the rules of a sonnet (building on rules for previous poem forms)#And now everybody agrees what the general concept of a sonnet is even if there are variations#And I think it's cool that fanfic has developed its own subset of genres like drabble and 5+1 times xyz happened#The tropes and formulas for what makes a story. The shortcuts you take to get your reader on the same page with you (metaphorically)#And digital literature is its own developing field of born digital texts vs things transferred to a digital medium and necessarily altered#Idk fanfiction is just an interesting form of literature and community over a story#in a way that is more familiar to the literal thousands of years of storytelling that came before#As opposed to this modern day concept of IP and crackdown on taking someone else's idea and just playing with or engaging with it#Because if someone else touches it they could conceivably make money off the idea that Could Have Been Yours#And society is so ruthless that it's created a culture of selfishness and individualism just to survive#When we could all just be workshopping stories and playing with blorbos#the way hundreds of years of writers were playing with the idea of some dude named king arthur or the story of gilgamesh and enkidu#Before we had a concept of authorship necessitated by our capitalist society#Tags
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......... who's gonna tell him ... .. ill do it @markiplier
#IM KIDDING ALKJNFGADFBG IM SORRY MARK BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NAMED THIS PLAYLISTTTTTT#actually you know what on the slim to none chance i submit this at Just the right time and it gets a bunch of notes#and he somehow does actually see this post#(hi sappy/backstory tm incoming feel free to continue scrolling lmao>>)#mark you helped my mom so much#she was sick for 5 years and in that time as she got weaker and more tired what she had an abundance of was Time#and as someone who since losing her has now also become extremely depressed i underrstand Even More how horrible that kind of Time can be#to have and go through and be frustrated and devastated and bored out of your mind#but some of my friends started me in watching your videos#and she was my best friend#i shared everything with her#so of course i shared your videos too#and we would watch a lot of them together but you also have so many on your channel from so far back in addition to the new ones#that she had plenty to go back through and watch on her own while i was at school#we always felt like your humor and mentality fit right in with the rest of the household like you were a longtime friend#or neighbor from just down the road who we spoke with regularly or smth idk it was just so easy for your videos to be engaging and upliftin#she could have a playlist on to fall asleep to and be distracted from everything coming up...and that means more#than i could ever begin to thank you for#i think fnaf had been one of the things id been introduced to you through..and then tiny box tim we loved tiny box tim#back when you were first getting into making shorts and improving equipment/editing quality i always thought it would be so cool#if we somehow ran into one another on the street somewhere and i could offer to help#because i was watching those videos too! i want to make them as cool as possible and im going to school for it i know tips and tricks#and by now im sure youve probably surpassed what i know haha the INSANELY awesome and frankly gorgeous cinematography and impressive#but anyway... i know she had those videos to fill the Time when i was at school#and sometimes when i wasnt but when i was too exhausted#and i know you made her laugh and smile through it all#and that means everythingto me#ok well thhat got sappy fast sorry everyone christ#ive thought so many times over the years about trying to write something in the comments on a video or send an email or something and like#i feel bad same time cos i know soooo many people have similar stories or treat youtubers/celebrities like theyre actual saviors and angels
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you're making me wish you'd stop talking to me bc i don't think you have anything to say to me about anything except my academics. i can't even breath in your presence without you going on about how i should be learning
#do you not realise doing this is not helping?? like at all???#it's only making me want to go against you and do everything wrong on purpose#ik you want the best for me ik you love the most but please please try to understand that this is only stressing me out more#i can't remember the last time we had a conversation that wasn't related to how im studying#and please also understand that i cannot always follow your study methods i can do only what suits me the best#just bc a lot of achievers are following smth doesn't mean i should be#and i beg you talk to me about literally anything else#this is only making us grow apart#and i can feel it and it just hurts#also you kept telling me to talk to people more and make friends but now that i actually have friends you want me to#cut them off bc i've been talking about them a lot and wasting time?#also is the first thing that comes to ur mind when i say i have a lot of hairfall is that u need to get me married???#you weren't like this before what changed#it devastates me how much you've changed over the course of two months#you're not only stressing me out but you're exhausting yourself out too please you're growing old take care lf urself#not everything has to be about me#it only makes me worry and make me feel guilty that im not doing my best for u#the only thing id want is for you to think about YOURSELF for once#i love u so so much so please don't do this to both of us please please prioritise yourself#we can work this out together i swear just listen to me once hear me out
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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SNORK FUCKING MIMIMI
#my day started at 11AM. ELEVEN. AM. let that sink in. and has just now ended at 3am. (three in the morning. am. 3am. three am.)#i am SLEEPY i cant feel MY LEGS#like we all got ready at 11am. we went to spoons breakfast. we pre'd until like 2/3#AND THEN WE WENT TO THE HORSE RACES! BC THERE WAS A STUDENT DAY THING! IT WAS SO FUN! MUCH BETTER THAN LAST TIME!#and we were there until like? 9? i think?#and then we come home to get our shit together. had a chinese. drank some more. and then we went to the club#and we stayed until close bc when i TELL YOU the dj did not play a single skip song#it was just banger after banger i think ive lost my voice#but oh my god my POOR LITTLE LEGS#I WAS IN HEELS THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS AT THE RACES#6/7 HOURS IN HEELS JUST TO TAKE THEM OFF TO GO CLUBBING??? OW#IM GOD'S STRONGEST SOLDIER TBFH#ALL THAT WAITRESSING DID ME GOOD APPARENTLY MY FEET ARE STRONGER THAN SISYPHUS ON THEIR OWN#FUCK THAT ROCK BOY#ow. ow ow ow. but it was such a good day so idc. i met a guyyyyy <3#i also fucking body checked this one girl and i feel a bit bad bc she was so clearly having her teen coming of age moment in the club#like white girl dancing hands over her head twirling etc. unfortunately for her AND ME that involved bumping into me repeatedly#and like? she kept turning to us to try make us dance with her but me and my mates were having a lot of fun in our little trio so we didn't#which yeah maybe that was mean but tbh if someone did that to me id take no for an answer the first time instead of repeatedly doing it#like she was acting like she was empowering us and freeing us from the shackles of insecurity when rlly we were just like girl no#and she WOULD NOT GET THE FUCK OFF ME like zero spacial awareness to her#the irony of clubs is like yeah obvs ur surrounded by people but it's also looked down upon if ur seriously in someone's space#so i just wasn't having it and in the end i just fully fucking SHOVED her off lmfaoooo. sorry girlie <3#like i felt embarassed for her bc of it like she was so in her own little world and i absolutely ruined it but idc#be aware of other people and their comfort bitch!#anyway yeah it was very fun all in all <3#hella goes to uni
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:â)
#to start this w a good note lol#bro almost all the music iâve heard since we got to this vacation spot was done on gIee LOLLLL#not even just at the hotel where they were playing xmas music so like ofc a lot of that but also other music#that was just . all done on gIee lmfao#but also on the shuttle ride here from the airport#the driver had like disco music playing and istg it went from like#staying alive to âu should be dancing to uhhh disco inferno#to idk if itâs disco but after that was u canât touch this lmao đ#on to the not so good part bro itâs day one why i gotta be so sad lmfao#im blaming it on the like 2-3 hrs of sleep đ¤Š#it ok i actually feel not bad for only 2-3 hrs of sleep before flight LOL iâve been banking up the sleep so that rly makes a difference lma#i feel fucking ridiculous tho bc i feel lonely af and unwanted on a family trip#bc my brother has a childhood family friend to hang out with who for the fucking record i was also friends with#and last time we were together for a significant amt of time idk why but my brother freaking ignored him basically#ik they exchanged snapchats tho recently and theyâre both like buff gym guys now lmfao so idk theyâre besties now so#i kinda feel like i canât hang out w them#and then idk my parents like yeah and then my grandma so iâm just kinda hanging out w my grandma#they all went onto the beach i think and iâm here in a room w my grandma and i spent fucking like 30 minutes watching the beach bc i didnât#know where they were and they didnât tell me and like overthinking whether i should go#i got as far as tying my hair up and taking out a change of clothes#and then almost cried and gave up and took out my book and came out on the balcony lmao#like what am i even complaining about. but idk#it all goes back to that lovely middle school friendship that left me fucking devastated bro lmfao đ¤Š#idk if thatâs actually the reason but iâm blaming it all on that LMAO#anyway weâre here for a while so . iâll just chill and read today bc i do want to read more and i kinda in the mood recently#also another thing was that my skin is still being a little fucking bitch#and iâm so hesitant abt doing anything w it so like going in ocean water#anyway. fuck my fucking brain i hate it here#itâll be better tmrw when iâve had some fucking sleep lmfao#jeanne talks
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So I've been cooking up some alternate outfit ideas for my Lmk sona and this is what they'd look like if they were with the Demon Bull Family! The idea is basically they'd be something of a court musician but it's mainly just a title.
Edit: Added the version without her armor <3
I don't have a concrete story but the initial idea was that cas was friends with swk in the brotherhood days and stuck with dbk after everyone else got sealed away and the whole consumption incident went down since she had nowhere else to go (and conveniently was the only lady around that he could ask for relationship advice when courting Iron Fan). They didn't expect Cas to live this long, only really expecting to have her around through her natural lifespan but they noticed she wasn't aging so now she gets to be their babysitter for date nights! Through the years she's been something of an aunt/sister figure and has become fiercely loyal to the family despite having no desire to take over the world. Redson built her electric bass and the armor she wears over her gems, the Bass has 2 extra buttons on it- the fire button spews fire out of the pipes and the Bull button unsheathes her sword from the neck of the instrument since she can't exactly walk around with a sword on her hip so easy these days. She travels with a heavy metal band across the continent- i like to imagine her intro episode has the crew excited about a big band coming to the city and while they wait they run into redson and annoy him cause he's bragging about getting exclusive vip passes to the show. The crew would expect someone mean from the music and the from the rest of the family but Cas is super welcoming and nice when the crew sneak backstage to bother redson some more XD
#my art#sketches#lmk oc#it me!#Cas#i'm not mentioning connie because they're the same no matter the au#though you can bet they're gonna flip when they hear redson and dbk opened a barbecue restaurant without telling them#they want a taste! Cas is probably the only mortal who can eat the Inferno level simply because Connie will consume it#and also they've been eating this boys cooking for years- they've gained an ungodly spice tolerance#i also like this concept because i think it'd be funny to have wukong be weird about Mk knowing Cas now#and innocently being like 'we should invite them over to hang out- since we're cool with redson why not the token nice one of the family?'#and Wukong is just getting flashbacks to the last time they spoke- right after sealing away dbk and is like 'haha that's nice bud-#'but oh darn they're still touring and won't stick around- she'll probably be leaving the city super soon! what a bummer!'#"all the more reason to get together Right Now!!!' :D '... Thats... GREAT Bud- i can see no reasonable point to argue!' ;w;#Meanwhile Cas is Vibing- big chillin- is only gonna realize her mistake when she locks eyes with swk and they both immediately share a Look#and wordlessly agree to simply Not Bring It Up#i have 1 other design i'm working on- i have the sketch and concept done already#i just need to color and finish it#that one i had the entire outfit And Lore a lot more thought out than this one but i had this idea first and REALLY wanted to draw the bass#im so proud of it you have no idea- the idea of the sword hidden in the bass and the flame jets make me so happy#it feels like something Redson would make- Cas uses it for all their performances they love it so much#And they wear the armor he made Religiously- even if their gems are covered by clothes or theyre chilling at home#unless they just woke up and haven't gotten dressed then they're most likely wearing them- the necklace especially#I still gotta make a regular Ref sheet but these are more fun- i have so much random info about Lmk cas i wanna ramble about >:3
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iâm back on my tony stark shit đŁď¸đŁď¸đŁď¸
#i MISSED HIM!!!!!!!!!!#it hurt me so much when he died and only now five years later am i ready to remember him#bc i did genuinely grieve him#and it hurt to think about him#which is so EMBARASSING#since heâs NOT REAL SJJSSJ#but heeeeee is so imporrrrtant to me#been rereading (bc iâve read most of them) tony fics on ao3 and sobbing#not only for him but for the memories of old mcu fandom#and also bc i loveeeee tony stark angst / hurt comfort so theyâre supposed to be tear jerkers anyways#but i deep am in nostalgia rn.#4 hours into a trip down memory lane#and i need to sleep#but iâm so wired#like i am amped up#just buzzing#tony tony tony tony tony#my love. my love how i missed you#you deserved so much better#itâs healing to read these and also double devastating bc i know how it ends âŚ#none of it mattered. he tried and he tried and he tried and then he died.#and it was for nothing. all of it was borrowed time. he was never supposed to have a happy ending#ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and back then we all had beautiful whimsy and hope and ideas about the avengers all living together and being friends#when in canon they never became anything more than coworkers on a good day#also itâs making me remember coulson and all of tonyâs robots and JARVIS!!! JARVISSSS i cannot believe i forgot how much i loved you#how much tony loved you#age of ultron i will never forgive you#fuck vision fuck wanda fuck this shit#but honestly i used to be a lot angrier but now im just sad mostly . and also happy to see my friend tony
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walked up to my cousinâs step son after the wedding to see if he was doing ok & i was like âwhat u up to :Dâ & he said âi got a new pet !â & we looked at the table to see a yellow jacket he caught under the cup, which he described as a bee âŚ. APPALACHIA
#stream#ALSJALSKLAKSLAKSALSKALSJALS#i fell in love w him then & there like ok âŚ. ME AS FUCK#heâs 8#loveeee my 2 new cousins â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸ the child & his father !!!!!! đđđđ#hicks & animal enthusiasts !!!!#also so my new cousinâs brother (my cousins new husbandâs) died like 10 years ago (iâm not sure how maybe it was an overdose ? i didnât ask#itâs not my business at the moment iâll let the new cousin tell us when heâs ready to talk abt him which he does talk abt idk we just didnât#know him so itâs not like ârelatableâ) BUT the mother at the wedding saw a dragon fly & took the stepson over said âlook itâs xxx ! heâs at#the weddingâ like u know how u continue to see the spirit in animals after they pass - or pennies thatâs another major one - or 2p coins too#bc itâs both our grandparents or maybe itâs just one w us then u know but our grandfather shows up in hummingbirds & i find my grandmother#in frogs so itâs like especially nice bc idk if the new cousins family knows that abt us but my auntie was telling us at lunch the other day#like it just means a lot like i found a 2 cent euro in the airport & i found a pair of pennies on the way to the airport i found a 2p a#few days prior & then i found a pair of pennies together when i was moving in so like im ON THE RIGHT TRACK I KNOW I AM#also my new cousin gave me a dollar & iâve kept it next time i see them iâll show them the dollar i think itâs funny#idk im sentimental like my bestie from highschool gave me 2 1$s saying âim poor i love u this is all i have & i want to show u how much i#love uâ we were probably drunk like also when she touched my bare foot bc she HATES feet like iâve taken these DOLLARS EVERYWHERE#& now iâve one of the lil like u know wallet photos that kp had for one of his visas so he goes w me too lol#i flat stanley him#anyway#I BELIEVE IN CHARMS IDK SUE ME FUCK U#IM SUPERSTITIOUS NO I DONT OPEN UMBRELLAS INSIDE NO I DONT WALK UNDER LADDERS NO I DONT WEAR A HAT INSIDE (UNLESS ITS A PUBLIC BUILDING LIKE#A SCHOOL OR WHATEVER IF ITS AN OFFICE ITS COMING OFF) ALSO I DONT WALK UNDER THOSE ROADS SIGNS ON 2 POLES IF UR IN THE UK U KNOW WHAT I MEAN#BC THATS LIKE BASICALLY A LADDER W 1 RUNG but i do make exceptions & it only took me 8 months to make them#see a magpie u salute
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It's 4am and I can't sleep and I have a crush on a woman who lives halfway across the country from me, this is all of the worst things that could've possibly happened
#i was super sleepy so i went to bed at 10:30pm but my normal sleep time is 4am#so my body just thought it was a nap and woke me up at midnight abd wouldnt let me sleep again#so now its late and i cant call back asleep because i had a nap earlier#and for some reason its really making me feel like. lonely. oh lonely is the word#this time every year i get super lonely and full of crushes#usually earlier winter tho. like December. and i dont think this is the yearly crush#i think i legit like her. but she lives in one part of the country. and i live eighteen hours away#thats one obstacle. the other thing is:#i met her at a week long camp thing. we talked in the last like. three days. and havent seen each other in person since#weve texted a bunch. especially lately. but weve never called. or seen each other since last May#we also just recently learned each other's last names and where we live#so idk. idk whats up with me but i really like her. BUT theres hope#because (if she gets hired) shes going to work at the same camp as me this summer!! two whole months working together#and i didnt ask her to apply. she decidd she didjt want to go back to her old camp and then applied to mine#she wants to spend two whole months with me. on her end tho im sure its just friendly. which is valid. idk if shes even single#its all these damn romance stories I'm reading. theyre fucking me up#idk man i really just. like her a lot. and its 4am and i wish we could be cuddling. or even just texting#she has a terrible sleep schedule and might be awake rn but i dont want to wake her up if she isnt#anyway. goodnight
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365 Days of Poems: Day 1 (January 1st)
Sharp Stomach
A knife point
digging into the thin stretch of organ
Not pushing inward from the outside
but rather emerging small
as a hunger
deep in the pit
that grows and twists and evolves
into a never-ending ascension
like bile rising in one's throat
The stinging and burning and prickling
a cousin of the cold edge of steel
as it slices through pink muscle
until it forges something new and terrified
and hungry itself:
A starvation
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Here's the link for the corresponding writing prompt post
#day 1 of my poems!#yay!#now the posting of these are going to be a bit different than how i did (or at least tried to do) with my prompts#im not putting myself on as strict of a time limit/frame as i did for the prompts#because im writing a poem as opposed to making a prompt and then copying and pasting the definitions for the words in the prompt#moreover these are rough drafts of poems but i still want to be happy with them as rough drafts before posting them#so thats why posting them may be a little slower or more inconsistent#that being said im gonna try my damnedest to try to write a poem a day or if i cant to write a 'missed' poem on the following day#and also like my writing prompts i will be using these tags as a lil diary of sorts#because this is for the 1st i will share that for the 1st of the new year my girlfriend and i just spent the day in together#we ended up playing a couple games of magic the gathering which was fun#but i began feeling rather tired and had to take a nap so that kinda sucked#all in all i think it was a good day#as for this poem i think im decently happy with it#when i eventually revise it i will probably tighten up or even elaborate on some places#but overall i think its pretty strong and a good start to the year#(also this poem is partially inspired by the fact ive been watching a lot of supereyepatchwolfs playthroughs of fear and hunger 1 and 2)#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#poem#poetry#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least
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