#also i think. we just had like a lot of time together and now im going straight from that to only talking on the phone and so. obviously
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Something something- Ranma and Akane first meeting is how all of Ranma obssessed would be sutiors meet him. Let me explain- the formula for how Ranma ends up with his none harem (because he dont like them hoes). Is they all pick one form of Ranma to like and refuse to get to know the otherside.
Ranma and Akane first meeting, Akane is only really interested in female Ranma as a friend. Akane was super happy to have a girl partner to train with. (Theres a whole ass post to be made about Akane life, before Ranma and his father moved in.) Shes so alone which is weird- Akane is not disliked by the female body of her school. Akane is popular! Again why is she the only one doing any form of fighting. Thinking of it now i dont think akane has friends "friends".
But its clear, she wants a connection in fighting with another girl. When Ranma turns out to be a guy, and her fiance. The illisuion of having a friend of the same gender to do matarial arts with is broken. But this in turn has more to do with Akane current gender experssion and hang ups. (We can't get into yet-). This rejection makes Ranma retaliate.
Its only when Akane comes to terms with her own personal problem, does she fully accept Ranma. This moves her out of the space with the other would be suitors. An into a lane of her own one, Ranma contuines to go back into. But there something there in that small space of Akane and Ranma first meeting.
Its so hard to pin point/explain it. Its a deep loneliness on Akane end that isnt really explored outside that small window when she had long hair. Theres also a fic to be made about Ranma hiding his male identity to hang out with Akane more.
The tendo house becomes way more lively once Saotome moves in. The dojo is used more often, its not just Akane trainning by herself. The long hair seems to repsent everything a girly girl should be. The- you have to be more lady like, a lot of unneed pressure Akane puts on herself with that long hair. Ranma a high fem girl popping up probably felt like vindication in Akane eyes. Look see a girl whos is super feminie can do martial arts as well!! Only to have that betrayed, when the girl turns out to be a guy. An then you say a bunch of shit you dont mean. Resetting your relationship to negative 10. But! There something so idk how to explain it. There something there-
Ranma and Akane fall in love in that first meeting.
Maybe its different type of love, maybe its only from Ranma end. But there something so undefinable about it, that makes it feel like love. Love at first sight, rejection, and then the rest of the show is reconciliation. It feels like this is the first time Akane has ever liked someone outside of the doctor dude. Which was probably really jaring for her. Ranma has spent all his time trainning i dont think romance even crossed his mind, let alone a friendship. Akane becomes one of the only character (im being hyperbolic) that accepts Ranma as both guy and girl. In that single isolated moment breed so much.
I don't think they ever have a moment like that again. Akane and Ranma from that point onwards are never truly left alone. When they are its interpurted, or they're going somewhere- Especially! With serious moments. It really does feel like their first meeting they fell in love, broke up, and tentatively got back together.
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YAAAY
➥ One of your favorite lines (or paragraphs) you wrote in 2024:
I'm giving you two and theyre both idia quotes:
The offer was on the table, and it was up to Idia what happened next. The following five seconds stretched across what felt like eons to them both as Idia focused all his energy on trying not to literally pass out on the bench and take Cater down with him, or get overwhelmed by the possibility that if he DID kiss Cater, Cater might immediately throw up all over him and run away screaming. Really, it wasn’t that he didn’t WANT to kiss Cater, but what if he died? What if they both died!?
^ Blue Raspberry Mango
“...Some one, more like it…” Idia snickered. And then gasped, a look of horror replacing his expression instantly. “Wait- SERIOUSLY? You- AZUL?!” “Shut up!" Jamil hissed, dropping down beside Idia to cover his mouth. “Don’t be so loud!” “Ugh, EW…” Idia grimaced once Jamil pulled away. “I didn’t expect you of all people to have such shit-tier taste in guys.”
^ Double Sided Pining Coin
I didn't realize those were both 2024 lol what a wild and long year. i love writing idia even though i've only done it a few times lol he's soooo much fun to just go ham with.
➥ A fun fact/easter egg/trivia fact for a fic you worked on in 2024:
i cant think of anything surprisingly lol usually i have a lot to say!! but i guess a fun fact about my ao3 stats is that 2 of my top 5 longest fics are ones i wrote in 2024 [3 if you include the fact that the top one is my multichap fic and i wrote a chunk of it in 2024] and theyre both 5k idi/kei and jami/azu fics lol. something about writing those pairs together makes me bonkers. i love how silly they are on their own and even moreso putting them together. theyre fun ships and i looove the board game club's funny hater friendship, and i also like playing with the concepts of the rest of them being friends/interacting in some degree lol
➦ The title or working title of a fic you're currently working on/planning for 2025:
working title "leocay situationship divorce drama" lol. idk if ill write it into a whole thing, i kinda just wrote down a scene that was haunting me and i have an overall vision for the vibe, ive had this vague idea in my head for a few years now but skdfjklsd i'm kind of shy about it so maybe itll just stay in the drafts. or maybe The Madness will overtake me on a whim and itll find it's way on ao3, we'll see lol.
➦ A scene or fic idea that you want to write/try writing for but intimidates you: (very optional but let's put those stretch goals out!)
^ that one over there LOL ummm also. i have considered many a time writing some of my caterella plotlines, some of which include my twst ocs. but im too shy LOL.....
more reasonably, i do have a trey/cater wip that ive begun but it's a long process because it's one i'm taking my time with, a fic that explores cater and trey [and riddle!!!] as characters and their relationships with each other, like snapshots of scenes from when trey and cater first meet at orientation throughout their years at nrc. i was gonna try and get it out before heartslabyul's section of book 7 began but it's just too slow a process, and now we may or may not get more backstory lore of the beloved trio that i could integrate... if it doesnt destroy me in the process JKLFDSKGHGJ i love my heartslabyuls sooo much so i want to write it with care..... but i get SCARED when i'm going beyond just silly goofy time [tho it will also be silly goofy time. i know who i am]
✦ A link to your ao3 or other posting platform so people can see what you've been up to and what you're going to be up to: :3
My ao3 is here! i also tag "#cereal writes" for cross posting, and sometimes here i post out of context wip lines or babble about my trials and tribulations of writing but i dont really tag those so u kinda just gotta catch me in the act teehee
2024 FUCK YEAH I DID IT + 2025 FUCK YEAH IM PLANNING ON DOING IT (fic) writers edition
➥ One of your favorite lines (or paragraphs) you wrote in 2024:
➥ A fun fact/easter egg/trivia fact for a fic you worked on in 2024:
➦ The title or working title of a fic you're currently working on/planning for 2025:
➦ A scene or fic idea that you want to write/try writing for but intimidates you: (very optional but let's put those stretch goals out!)
✦ A link to your ao3 or other posting platform so people can see what you've been up to and what you're going to be up to: :3
Tagging~ let's see. @ladybundle @basuralindo @deezneezz
anyone else is free to do it too, I have not had coffee yet so my brain is bleary.
#ty for the tag#im a lil sleepy distracted and jumped around in answering so sorry if it's like#inconsistently incoherent lol#twst#asks#<- not an ask obvi but just keeping that tag for categorizing lol
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care ‘if’ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like ‘smth smth you cant read . ooc loser .’idgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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Trying to figure out why this guy in my discussion group for class was annoying me so much and I finally figured it out: I hate being in any class after 3:30pm and the moment I set foot in that room I am immediately irritated just by the fact that I'm there
#shut up me#Extremely frustrating because no one around me deserves my snappiness#i just dont want to be there so badly so every little thing rubs me the wrong way#I do think he genuinely annoys me a little- he can be a little disrespectful to the prof behind her back#and when we first sat down in a group together I was rereading a section of the text to remember the specifics#and because none of us had said anything for a few seconds after he said his thoughts he was like#''you all... did do the reading right?'' come on man.#(''That's a slight on my honour so now I will forever hold a grudge!'' come on man (to myself this time).)#and I think he misses the point to a lot of the readings we do... thats not like. a crime. but again I am already irritated just being ther#but also ''who would want to read this! its just weird.'' sir youre talking to the freak that loved both of these texts#maybe if you read a few horror stories... youll calm down#Im trying not to let my irritation with the hour cloud my perspective and just focus on not accidentally snapping at someone. sigh#reminder to myself to never take a class that STARTS at 3pm or later. It drains the life out of me
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#every once in a while ill go back after cleaning up music on my phone and relisten to old rock songs then redownload them#but im thinking. how the fuck did 3/4 of my immediate family listen to disturbed. just one song but huh#actually maybe 2.. also trapt? who the hell is that anyway we all just know headstrong 😭#i redownload and delete and redownload it all the time LMAO#skilet and three days grace and OH breaking benjamin we all listened to a lot too#and i say 3/4 bc i dont know what the fuck my dad likes? pit..bull..? lmfao..? thai music?? im so confused#FALL OUT BOY ALWAYS HITS#also that fucking. roach last resort shit. my brother still has it in his spotify playlist and it always makes me laugh so fucking hard#anyway i do rmr skillet and breaking benjamin being big bc we all liked it. also how did we all like disturbed but now none of them listen#to rock sob sob#also i used to share three days grace and fucking hollywood undead to my younger cousin??? what was wrong w me for sharing HU...#HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT THO?? its really funny LMAO#also evanescence but i found more songs on my own and ofc we together only kinda had uhh 2 songs#NUMB ENCORE.. I TOTALLY FORGET ABT IT AND IT BLOWS MY MIND EVERYTIME IT RESURFACES IN MY HEAD HOLY SHIT#BANGER but anyw my point was uhh smn smn sharing music is great and im happy we all bonded over rock before lol#44597#IDK I FORGOT HALF WAY IN 😭 GO ROCK!! im redownloading some of the shit i dont have again LMAO#OUGH ALSO NOBODY CARES BUT ME AND MY COUSIN R SO 06 ALL HAIL SHADOW PILLED#THAT WHEN MY BROTHER PLAYED THE OG ALL HAIL SHADOW I KID U NOT I WAS LIKE IS THAT A COVER WHAT VERS IS THIS#SORRY IM SO CRUSH40 PILLED I LITERALLY PLAYED SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG ON THE PS2 AND ON AN EMULATOR?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT#/LH BC ITS STILL GOOD BUT THAT IS NOT MY JAM. 06 IS WHERE ITS AT#crush40 was so good for sonic songs though esp all hail shadow and ungravitify OUGH crush40 versions r like almost always my fav#wait with movie and year of shadow ppl r going back n commenting all over this old yt upload of all of me from 11 years ago LMAOOO#dude they have to give knuckles kickass rap songs again PLEASE unknown from M.E makes me laugh so hard BUT ITS NOT BAD#AND PUMPKIN HILL ok that wasnt tehcnically his but it literally TALKS ABT KNUCKLES. ITS LITERALLY ABT HIM BRO#that ones funny to me bc my cousin loved it sm and he was legit like trying to hear the lyrics but he couldnntt#a ghost tried to approach me AND GOT MARRIED??? 🤨🤨 i cant take this song seriously ASLKDJS#CHECK YES JULIET.. JUST REALIZED MY BESTIES USED TO LIKE SOFT ROCK WITH ME?? they dont listen to that at all anymore omg
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you're making me wish you'd stop talking to me bc i don't think you have anything to say to me about anything except my academics. i can't even breath in your presence without you going on about how i should be learning
#do you not realise doing this is not helping?? like at all???#it's only making me want to go against you and do everything wrong on purpose#ik you want the best for me ik you love the most but please please try to understand that this is only stressing me out more#i can't remember the last time we had a conversation that wasn't related to how im studying#and please also understand that i cannot always follow your study methods i can do only what suits me the best#just bc a lot of achievers are following smth doesn't mean i should be#and i beg you talk to me about literally anything else#this is only making us grow apart#and i can feel it and it just hurts#also you kept telling me to talk to people more and make friends but now that i actually have friends you want me to#cut them off bc i've been talking about them a lot and wasting time?#also is the first thing that comes to ur mind when i say i have a lot of hairfall is that u need to get me married???#you weren't like this before what changed#it devastates me how much you've changed over the course of two months#you're not only stressing me out but you're exhausting yourself out too please you're growing old take care lf urself#not everything has to be about me#it only makes me worry and make me feel guilty that im not doing my best for u#the only thing id want is for you to think about YOURSELF for once#i love u so so much so please don't do this to both of us please please prioritise yourself#we can work this out together i swear just listen to me once hear me out
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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:’)
#to start this w a good note lol#bro almost all the music i’ve heard since we got to this vacation spot was done on gIee LOLLLL#not even just at the hotel where they were playing xmas music so like ofc a lot of that but also other music#that was just . all done on gIee lmfao#but also on the shuttle ride here from the airport#the driver had like disco music playing and istg it went from like#staying alive to u should be dancing to uhhh disco inferno#to idk if it’s disco but after that was u can’t touch this lmao 😭#on to the not so good part bro it’s day one why i gotta be so sad lmfao#im blaming it on the like 2-3 hrs of sleep 🤩#it ok i actually feel not bad for only 2-3 hrs of sleep before flight LOL i’ve been banking up the sleep so that rly makes a difference lma#i feel fucking ridiculous tho bc i feel lonely af and unwanted on a family trip#bc my brother has a childhood family friend to hang out with who for the fucking record i was also friends with#and last time we were together for a significant amt of time idk why but my brother freaking ignored him basically#ik they exchanged snapchats tho recently and they’re both like buff gym guys now lmfao so idk they’re besties now so#i kinda feel like i can’t hang out w them#and then idk my parents like yeah and then my grandma so i’m just kinda hanging out w my grandma#they all went onto the beach i think and i’m here in a room w my grandma and i spent fucking like 30 minutes watching the beach bc i didn’t#know where they were and they didn’t tell me and like overthinking whether i should go#i got as far as tying my hair up and taking out a change of clothes#and then almost cried and gave up and took out my book and came out on the balcony lmao#like what am i even complaining about. but idk#it all goes back to that lovely middle school friendship that left me fucking devastated bro lmfao 🤩#idk if that’s actually the reason but i’m blaming it all on that LMAO#anyway we’re here for a while so . i’ll just chill and read today bc i do want to read more and i kinda in the mood recently#also another thing was that my skin is still being a little fucking bitch#and i’m so hesitant abt doing anything w it so like going in ocean water#anyway. fuck my fucking brain i hate it here#it’ll be better tmrw when i’ve had some fucking sleep lmfao#jeanne talks
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So I've been cooking up some alternate outfit ideas for my Lmk sona and this is what they'd look like if they were with the Demon Bull Family! The idea is basically they'd be something of a court musician but it's mainly just a title.
Edit: Added the version without her armor <3
I don't have a concrete story but the initial idea was that cas was friends with swk in the brotherhood days and stuck with dbk after everyone else got sealed away and the whole consumption incident went down since she had nowhere else to go (and conveniently was the only lady around that he could ask for relationship advice when courting Iron Fan). They didn't expect Cas to live this long, only really expecting to have her around through her natural lifespan but they noticed she wasn't aging so now she gets to be their babysitter for date nights! Through the years she's been something of an aunt/sister figure and has become fiercely loyal to the family despite having no desire to take over the world. Redson built her electric bass and the armor she wears over her gems, the Bass has 2 extra buttons on it- the fire button spews fire out of the pipes and the Bull button unsheathes her sword from the neck of the instrument since she can't exactly walk around with a sword on her hip so easy these days. She travels with a heavy metal band across the continent- i like to imagine her intro episode has the crew excited about a big band coming to the city and while they wait they run into redson and annoy him cause he's bragging about getting exclusive vip passes to the show. The crew would expect someone mean from the music and the from the rest of the family but Cas is super welcoming and nice when the crew sneak backstage to bother redson some more XD
#my art#sketches#lmk oc#it me!#Cas#i'm not mentioning connie because they're the same no matter the au#though you can bet they're gonna flip when they hear redson and dbk opened a barbecue restaurant without telling them#they want a taste! Cas is probably the only mortal who can eat the Inferno level simply because Connie will consume it#and also they've been eating this boys cooking for years- they've gained an ungodly spice tolerance#i also like this concept because i think it'd be funny to have wukong be weird about Mk knowing Cas now#and innocently being like 'we should invite them over to hang out- since we're cool with redson why not the token nice one of the family?'#and Wukong is just getting flashbacks to the last time they spoke- right after sealing away dbk and is like 'haha that's nice bud-#'but oh darn they're still touring and won't stick around- she'll probably be leaving the city super soon! what a bummer!'#"all the more reason to get together Right Now!!!' :D '... Thats... GREAT Bud- i can see no reasonable point to argue!' ;w;#Meanwhile Cas is Vibing- big chillin- is only gonna realize her mistake when she locks eyes with swk and they both immediately share a Look#and wordlessly agree to simply Not Bring It Up#i have 1 other design i'm working on- i have the sketch and concept done already#i just need to color and finish it#that one i had the entire outfit And Lore a lot more thought out than this one but i had this idea first and REALLY wanted to draw the bass#im so proud of it you have no idea- the idea of the sword hidden in the bass and the flame jets make me so happy#it feels like something Redson would make- Cas uses it for all their performances they love it so much#And they wear the armor he made Religiously- even if their gems are covered by clothes or theyre chilling at home#unless they just woke up and haven't gotten dressed then they're most likely wearing them- the necklace especially#I still gotta make a regular Ref sheet but these are more fun- i have so much random info about Lmk cas i wanna ramble about >:3
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#with where I'm at in life rn I've been thinking about my ex a lot and his happiness and quality of life#I'm probably way off to assume that hes unhappy but if I'm comparing where I'm at and where I've last heard he's at..I feel sorry for him#I feel like i got lucky after we broke up bc I started therapy and school and my museum and life#like I was able to learn and unlearn and grow into the person i am now and learn to be my own self w out a partner or family and be content#and then i think about how he had a kid w someone pretty quickly after we broke up and then just got into another serious relationship#like did he process our breakup completely? by the time i had processed it#his new kid was like 2 i think. and thats ok bc that relationship was a huge part of my life and influenced me a lot today#so to think that it took me that long and he was already in another deeeeeep situation makes me wonder if hes happy#I think i'd be miserable. knowing what I know now just on life experience and therapy and school especially#I would never want to be in his shoes. but maybe hes happy living like that#like one of those he doesnt know what hes missing bc he doesnt know what education and therapy and freedom looks like situations#I think bc im v grateful w where im at in life rn I'm wondering if it all worked out for him as well#or honestly if hes just stuck in the same pattern of life he was in when we were together#having two kids out of wedlock#being in a relationship w someone bc they got pregnant#is the relationship healthy? is his son happy?#god i wonder about his son a lot and how he feels knowing his dad has another kid he lives w full time#i truly feel bad for all kids from broken families bc its not what children need at all.#like is he learning and educating himself on important things or is his life monotonous and lacking intellectual stimulation?#I cant imagine being ignorant like I was when we were together so i really hope its not like that for him#Idk lately I've been wondering if we could have been friends but I doubt his relationship is healthy like that lmao#I feel like i just want to sit down and talk w him and catch up but am i too different now? is he? it'd be like meeting a stranger#and that also makes me sad bc that relationship was so significant to my life and to who i am today#but thats how life is. you're never the same person twice and you only experience things once. so this is just how its meant to be#so i really hope he is happy and he has done internal work and is making the most out of his life and his circumstances#he deserves that and more#j#anyways
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i’m back on my tony stark shit 🗣️🗣️🗣️
#i MISSED HIM!!!!!!!!!!#it hurt me so much when he died and only now five years later am i ready to remember him#bc i did genuinely grieve him#and it hurt to think about him#which is so EMBARASSING#since he’s NOT REAL SJJSSJ#but heeeeee is so imporrrrtant to me#been rereading (bc i’ve read most of them) tony fics on ao3 and sobbing#not only for him but for the memories of old mcu fandom#and also bc i loveeeee tony stark angst / hurt comfort so they’re supposed to be tear jerkers anyways#but i deep am in nostalgia rn.#4 hours into a trip down memory lane#and i need to sleep#but i’m so wired#like i am amped up#just buzzing#tony tony tony tony tony#my love. my love how i missed you#you deserved so much better#it’s healing to read these and also double devastating bc i know how it ends …#none of it mattered. he tried and he tried and he tried and then he died.#and it was for nothing. all of it was borrowed time. he was never supposed to have a happy ending#ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and back then we all had beautiful whimsy and hope and ideas about the avengers all living together and being friends#when in canon they never became anything more than coworkers on a good day#also it’s making me remember coulson and all of tony’s robots and JARVIS!!! JARVISSSS i cannot believe i forgot how much i loved you#how much tony loved you#age of ultron i will never forgive you#fuck vision fuck wanda fuck this shit#but honestly i used to be a lot angrier but now im just sad mostly . and also happy to see my friend tony
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walked up to my cousin’s step son after the wedding to see if he was doing ok & i was like ‘what u up to :D’ & he said ‘i got a new pet !’ & we looked at the table to see a yellow jacket he caught under the cup, which he described as a bee …. APPALACHIA
#stream#ALSJALSKLAKSLAKSALSKALSJALS#i fell in love w him then & there like ok …. ME AS FUCK#he’s 8#loveeee my 2 new cousins ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ the child & his father !!!!!! 😭😭😭😭#hicks & animal enthusiasts !!!!#also so my new cousin’s brother (my cousins new husband’s) died like 10 years ago (i’m not sure how maybe it was an overdose ? i didn’t ask#it’s not my business at the moment i’ll let the new cousin tell us when he’s ready to talk abt him which he does talk abt idk we just didn’t#know him so it’s not like ‘relatable’) BUT the mother at the wedding saw a dragon fly & took the stepson over said ‘look it’s xxx ! he’s at#the wedding’ like u know how u continue to see the spirit in animals after they pass - or pennies that’s another major one - or 2p coins too#bc it’s both our grandparents or maybe it’s just one w us then u know but our grandfather shows up in hummingbirds & i find my grandmother#in frogs so it’s like especially nice bc idk if the new cousins family knows that abt us but my auntie was telling us at lunch the other day#like it just means a lot like i found a 2 cent euro in the airport & i found a pair of pennies on the way to the airport i found a 2p a#few days prior & then i found a pair of pennies together when i was moving in so like im ON THE RIGHT TRACK I KNOW I AM#also my new cousin gave me a dollar & i’ve kept it next time i see them i’ll show them the dollar i think it’s funny#idk im sentimental like my bestie from highschool gave me 2 1$s saying ‘im poor i love u this is all i have & i want to show u how much i#love u’ we were probably drunk like also when she touched my bare foot bc she HATES feet like i’ve taken these DOLLARS EVERYWHERE#& now i’ve one of the lil like u know wallet photos that kp had for one of his visas so he goes w me too lol#i flat stanley him#anyway#I BELIEVE IN CHARMS IDK SUE ME FUCK U#IM SUPERSTITIOUS NO I DONT OPEN UMBRELLAS INSIDE NO I DONT WALK UNDER LADDERS NO I DONT WEAR A HAT INSIDE (UNLESS ITS A PUBLIC BUILDING LIKE#A SCHOOL OR WHATEVER IF ITS AN OFFICE ITS COMING OFF) ALSO I DONT WALK UNDER THOSE ROADS SIGNS ON 2 POLES IF UR IN THE UK U KNOW WHAT I MEAN#BC THATS LIKE BASICALLY A LADDER W 1 RUNG but i do make exceptions & it only took me 8 months to make them#see a magpie u salute
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It's 4am and I can't sleep and I have a crush on a woman who lives halfway across the country from me, this is all of the worst things that could've possibly happened
#i was super sleepy so i went to bed at 10:30pm but my normal sleep time is 4am#so my body just thought it was a nap and woke me up at midnight abd wouldnt let me sleep again#so now its late and i cant call back asleep because i had a nap earlier#and for some reason its really making me feel like. lonely. oh lonely is the word#this time every year i get super lonely and full of crushes#usually earlier winter tho. like December. and i dont think this is the yearly crush#i think i legit like her. but she lives in one part of the country. and i live eighteen hours away#thats one obstacle. the other thing is:#i met her at a week long camp thing. we talked in the last like. three days. and havent seen each other in person since#weve texted a bunch. especially lately. but weve never called. or seen each other since last May#we also just recently learned each other's last names and where we live#so idk. idk whats up with me but i really like her. BUT theres hope#because (if she gets hired) shes going to work at the same camp as me this summer!! two whole months working together#and i didnt ask her to apply. she decidd she didjt want to go back to her old camp and then applied to mine#she wants to spend two whole months with me. on her end tho im sure its just friendly. which is valid. idk if shes even single#its all these damn romance stories I'm reading. theyre fucking me up#idk man i really just. like her a lot. and its 4am and i wish we could be cuddling. or even just texting#she has a terrible sleep schedule and might be awake rn but i dont want to wake her up if she isnt#anyway. goodnight
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365 Days of Poems: Day 1 (January 1st)
Sharp Stomach
A knife point
digging into the thin stretch of organ
Not pushing inward from the outside
but rather emerging small
as a hunger
deep in the pit
that grows and twists and evolves
into a never-ending ascension
like bile rising in one's throat
The stinging and burning and prickling
a cousin of the cold edge of steel
as it slices through pink muscle
until it forges something new and terrified
and hungry itself:
A starvation
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Here's the link for the corresponding writing prompt post
#day 1 of my poems!#yay!#now the posting of these are going to be a bit different than how i did (or at least tried to do) with my prompts#im not putting myself on as strict of a time limit/frame as i did for the prompts#because im writing a poem as opposed to making a prompt and then copying and pasting the definitions for the words in the prompt#moreover these are rough drafts of poems but i still want to be happy with them as rough drafts before posting them#so thats why posting them may be a little slower or more inconsistent#that being said im gonna try my damnedest to try to write a poem a day or if i cant to write a 'missed' poem on the following day#and also like my writing prompts i will be using these tags as a lil diary of sorts#because this is for the 1st i will share that for the 1st of the new year my girlfriend and i just spent the day in together#we ended up playing a couple games of magic the gathering which was fun#but i began feeling rather tired and had to take a nap so that kinda sucked#all in all i think it was a good day#as for this poem i think im decently happy with it#when i eventually revise it i will probably tighten up or even elaborate on some places#but overall i think its pretty strong and a good start to the year#(also this poem is partially inspired by the fact ive been watching a lot of supereyepatchwolfs playthroughs of fear and hunger 1 and 2)#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#poem#poetry#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least
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i rlly dont know if im going to keep being able to do this long distance thing for very long like it just feels soo. idk.
#im just hoping it gets easier when school starts and im busier like i wouldnt be able to spend a ton of time w him anyway when that happens#also i think. we just had like a lot of time together and now im going straight from that to only talking on the phone and so. obviously#thats not going to feel as good right? I'm sure that once i get more used to talking to him there it'll be better#its just that i keep thinking that like. the majority of the time we get to spend together is on video call. like if thats the majority of#our relationship its sooooo :( i dont want to not be dating him i just want to be dating him HERE. and be able to go out and do stuff#together and like. have a body. to be with idk. i miss him:(
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im gonna talk for a hot minute
#im so shocked by what i’ve become#i basically run a shop now. as an immigrant. i came here a year ago and i’ve been working in this shop for a month and now i kinda#run this business?? insane#And i have a boyfriend. first of all i thought i was a lesbian. second of all he barely speaks english. what#coincidentally we’ve been seeing each other for a month now#we do the straightest things possible (fuck and ride a motorcycle a lot)#before me he was seeing a femboy and i only had serious relationships with girls#im doing quite a bit of networking#bringing the slavic immigrant communities together#so kinda like assembling the undeground antiputin activists together Again#and i keep attending different markets as a seller#i cannot stress this enough i am very much mentally ill but since i have no time to think about anything other than. there’s a person#in front of me i gotta interact with#i have no chance to spiral into panic. i haven’t had a panic attack in a while but im also incredibly active#for like 10 months i was just as miserable as ever#and now im active busy and happy??? wtf#not to mention all the background shit like being harassed and stalked at work by a dude i met on tinder#or finally having access to music instruments#the point is i am truly somewhere i never thought i’d be and it’s very weird and doesn’t feel like this is me#yet i practically got rid of my psychosomatic illnesses#which is also something i did not think i would have ever achieved#so the solution was to chage completely and lose the old version of myself?#find a job and a partner and never think about anything else ever again?#who would have thunk
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