#also i think this is the first lavi i’ve ever done!

[romana-colasour]

Found Hoshino’s sketch for this particular D.Gray-Man cover and was hit like a bus with the inspiration to try and finish it. I’ve finished sketches and they haven’t turned out particularly well, so I wanted to see how this one went. I really like the end result ^^ and I had a lot of fun using my flame brushes.

Kofi - Commissions page

(The sketch and original cover are under the cut)

[haleyjames]

Sierra has opened another town rp called phoenixrpg.

She has posted on the main, admitting that it’s her. Since then, she’s posted other asks about her time as admin/owner of wilmingtonroleplay. I’m making this post to talk about what she’s answered, and to warn people away from her manipulation tactics. I’m throwing this under a read more because there’s screenshots/it’s a little long lmao.

This was the first ask she answered about her “handling” of the group:

I’ve underlined what I first want to address. Allowing fc switches and poor diversity were the LEAST of what she did in Wilmington. What about all the  people she bullied? Her outright racism? Excluding others? Manipulating and gaslighting people? Getting all her minions to do her dirty work and send ppl anon hate? Facilitating and protecting catfishers? Admitting to the two things she does in this post is tactical. It’s admitting to SOME wrongdoing, but only things that barely even skim the surface of her behaviour. She’s taking ownership ONLY for the bare minimum to make it seem like she IS taking accountability for her overall actions and IS open to actually talking and addressing things. By this piss-poor answer, that’s not the case. She has A LOT more to answer for than this--as an admin AND as a person. 

The answer to the next ask is somehow even worse.

I had to highlight a huge chunk of it lmao. The anonymous person uses the word ABUSE in their message, and Sierra is still going on about other bullshit? The lesser stuff. Is racism “failed diversity?” Is that what we’re calling it? It wasn’t about how Sierra “handled situations”--it was about her bullying people, her gaslighting and manipulating people. Yeah, sure, that tied into her work as an admin, but?? What is this small list of her lesser crimes? “...as far as Wilmington was concerned, those were my downfalls with modding.” Yeah. That’s not the question the person posed to you. And maybe those were your failures as an admin on the technical side of things, but wow... this is NOTHING in comparison to everything she really did and how she really treated people.

“I... will always be very upfront and honest about what’s going down.” If the answer to this ask and the one before it are any indication, SHE WON’T. This is so very much DOWNPLAYED, it’s disgusting. Taking the slightest accountability for the smallest of things she did... and I mean, is it really? Is there any apology here? No. There’s some admittance, and then “no one’s word is gospel and time will tell”. Time has already told us what we need to know. Wilmington was open for how long? How long have I been doing this? How many pages do I have on my page that are filled with people’s experience with her and Emma and Kelly and Wilmington and what they’ve done?

It really astounds me that this is how she answered an ask that point-blank calls her behaviour abusive and unsafe. I don’t know why I’m surprised by now. But, anyway. If she wants to address these small things, let’s do it.

“Face switches that didn’t match up.” When literally four months ago you joined a group called charmingrp with an Inbar Lavi FC and then changed it to a Michelle Veintimilla FC without any sort of bio/name changes. 

“Failed avenues of diversity.” Also recently, when you continually showed how fucking racist you are.

“I have and always will be very upfront and honest about what’s going down.” Oh, like when you deleted Wilmington and hid for a few months until my blog got flagged and then suddenly reappeared in the rpc? Without addressing the racist or abusive behaviour at all that made you finally delete your group? Sure. 

Literally nothing has changed, if you ask me. Next message further proves this:

I didn’t highlight anything because it’s all BULLSHIT. Given your history with uh, what did you call it? “Failed avenues of diversity”--or the fact that Wilmington FINALLY closed after so long because you and Emma were finally called out on your racism--you’d think you would actually put in some EFFORT and try and show the world that you’re not. But you are. This stance is so incredibly lazy and irresponsible, and then with the added context of everything else that’s happened in the past? It only makes it even worse! Like!!!!!!! You talk about your failures as an admin in previous posts and then this is your answer?? This is so cheap and YUCK. What are you even doing as an admin then, huh??

This diversity rule she pulled out of her ass in the answer to the message isn’t even in the rules on the main??? There’s nothing about it AT ALL. See here:

Beth said it best, if I do say so:

Sierra is playing a Christina Milian OC and a Casey Deidrick OC. (NOTE: This is who Beth is referring to when she says ‘cooler hands’. The original ‘cooler hands’ is in reference to Sierra’s Chris Wood OC in Wilmington.) Christina is Cuban. The character’s name is DANIELLE TYLER, which is probably the whitest name I’ve ever seen before. I asked Beth about this (who is Cuban) and this is what she had to say:

Which, given everything, is the most reasonable and most unsurprising explanation. Again: it’s lazy and is just more proof of her being racist. 

I mean, GOD ashfjdlfl. This was after only THREE MESSAGES posted. Like. I don’t know what else to tell you. Things aren’t ever going to change. Already you can tell they haven’t. I really really caution people on staying away from this group, and this group of people. I’m sure there’ll be more to say as more gets posted and the group gets more exposure from the tags, but for now, this is all I’ve got. Sigh. Please stay safe out there everybody!!!! 

[dinahperlman-sb]

I saw [DINAH PERLMAN] at a coffee shop in [MANHATTAN] today. I forgot how much [SHE] looks like [INBAR LAVI]. They are a [THIRTY-FOUR] year old [ASSISTANT DISTRICT ATTORNEY] who’s been in NYC for [SIXTEEN YEARS (ON AND OFF)] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [INTELLIGENT & PASSIONATE] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [SUSPICIOUS & CURT]. [FIND AN ISLAND BY BENEE] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio. — [gabs, she/her, 24, est]

it’s gabs again! finally presenting u my sad baby bean dinah! she’s a fairly new character so she is open for any connections y’all might need! | @villagestart

tw: death, emotional abuse

about —

full name: dinah jane perlman age: 34 birthday: january 6th, 1987 sexual orientation: demisexual/heteroromantic gender: cis female pronouns: she/her

bio —

tw: death, emotional abuse

dinah was the only child of adam and davina perlman, born in rochester, new york. she grew up a happy girl, with a close bond to both of her parents, who were also happily married. as a small girl in a situation as privileged as the one she was in, she had no idea just how rare it was. she attended many classes and spent all of her free time doing activities with her parents, it was almost a childhood out of a fairytale.

DEATH TW. it was unfortunate, but very early in her life, the peaceful and loving world she’d been raised in would be ripped away from her in an instant. she was ten years old when the accident happened. it was a head-on collision, and according to many, dinah had been lucky to have survived the hit, especially with as little injuries as she did. whereas her parents hadn’t been so lucky, and had died either instantly or before reaching the hospital. 

she had only ever been close to her parents, she had never even met any extended family. so it was a surprise when her uncle, her father’s brother, stepped up and volunteered to take care of his brother’s only daughter, just as he had done with his company — as a way to honor his memory, he had said.

ABUSE TW. dinah moved into her uncle’s house in hermosa beach, california, soon after all formalities were over and done with. lifestyle wise, it wasn’t too bad of an adjustment, maybe just the warm winters were the ones that confused her the most. but everything else... it was a very chaotic change in dinah’s life. to begin, her new guardians, her uncle and aunt... they weren’t nearly as kind as her parents had been. they would put her down with every chance that appeared, only to then tell her it was for her own good. not to mention they were so dead set on keeping up this... perfect family façade with her uncle being the new ceo of the family company and whatnot, especially when she knew how they spoke of everyone involved behind their backs, how they acted with each other behind the scenes... all the yelling, the blaming. it made for a very confused young dinah, when it came to social interactions.

dinah’s only saving grace growing up in california was her cousin, natalie. the two were close in age, and she found solace in the girl. natalie reminded her a little bit of what her life had been like in upstate new york, she had this soft character that reminded her of her mother. despite going through the same stuff, natalie had always chosen to be kind and remain herself, so she wouldn’t become bitter like her parents had. so the girls were best friends, and in all formality, they were like sisters.

in high school, dinah had no problems making friends — but there was always something missing. she had learned how to treat people and have them like her from her new family, but she had never really been able to have a connection like the one she had with her parents in her early youth. until alexander came around. he was going through a whole new kind of shit that dinah couldn’t quite grasp, but she understood the motions of grieving and losing someone you love. they became close friends, and eventually, dinah’s first serious relationship.

despite her new family’s thoughts, she moved to new york city with alex with the premise of going to college. it wasn’t a complete lie, but it was also an excuse to leave that home and build something with her love, something that could become what she had had in her childhood, to her future children. it all seemed like it was falling into place: her degree in psychology and an engagement to the love of her life.

of course though, based on past experiences, dinah had some suspicion with how well her life was going. it usually ended up a preface to something terrible, something she had no control over. and well, her suspicions ended up being correct — while she attended law school, her previously perfect relationship with alex quickly deteriorated... until there was nothing else to do. and the engagement ended fairly quickly after she realized they had reached that point of no return. 

very much in her feelings about the failed engagement, dinah began refusing the love and care natalie would always offer. it came as something hypocritical to her, as she seemed to be so happy with her partner, that her parents seemed to love so very much. why couldn’t they have supported her, too? and why hadn’t natalie defended her?

DEATH TW. the woman decided to stay in new york despite the clusterfuck that it had become, dinah refused to make any appearances in california, she hadn’t even attended natalie’s baby’s birth. but she would soon regret her choices, as a year or so after the baby’s birth, dinah received the news that both the baby and nat had died in a car crash. of all things, a fucking car crash. part of her felt like she held some curse, and maybe that was why alexander had fallen out of love with her so quickly.

these kind of situations will harden up anyone. the woman placed her focus almost entirely on her work, doing some paralegal work in a number of offices, until reaching the district attorney’s office, recently getting the job as an assistant district attorney.

after natalie’s death, dinah actually came to learn that her relationship with her baby’s dad wasn’t as accepted with their family as she had first thought (which infuriated her. how could she not have known? they did the same to her!) and how little her uncle seemed to care. how he was mostly angry at the inconvenience. since then, there’s been some alarm bell ringing every time she has to be in contact with the man. she’s turning a blind eye to the suspicion, but she’s starting to think that her parents’ death was way too similar to natalie’s.

 headcanons —

dinah has tried to channel her negative energy since losing natalie into self-defense. she’s proficient in krav maga and kickboxing!

very recently though, she realized aggression wasn’t the best way for her to go about things (although self-defense has proven to be useful in the city and in the courtrooms), dinah found a healthier way for her to let out her energy: dancing. nothing fancy, she attends some classes and loves throwing it back on the weekends lmao

her apartment complex doesn’t allow pets, but she’s befriended a feral cat that she feeds and pets every so often. still needs a name for the cat.

[shiroganeryo]

Hello Ryo! For the character thing I'd like to have our Lord and savior Allen

Hello there, beautiful human being! 👋 I don’t know who you are, but thank you for giving me Allen! <3 This might get long and have some spoilers!

My otp for them: U-uhm 💦 I actually ship him with Miranda! I always get nervous, but I’m learning to better deal with liking things that are not mainstream (such as rarepairs). After Allen, Miranda is my favorite character, so I loved to see the two of them getting screentime together and interacting. At some point, it just developed into this, because I’m utterly weak for how much Miranda cares about Allen and his well-being in a very caring, non-intrusive way. He clearly means a lot to her. He’s also rather protective of her (such as standing up to anyone who’s being mean to her), and I know that’s his chivalry prompting him to do so, but they have such good dynamics potential imo. ;; My brotp for them: Lavi, for the reasons I explained on his own ask, and Johnny! He has always cared a lot about Allen, and even though he’s a regular guy with no crazy superpowers or fighting prowess, he stepped up for Allen in several occasions and is being his current emotional support. Any other ships: Link! At first, Link didn’t seem like much, but in due time he showed his true colors. Despite surveillance just being his job, it seems he really ended caring about Allen, given how he went out of his way to provide him a decent meal while he was imprisoned, and how he currently is working for Nea, but wishes to see Allen outlive the erasure. I’m betting Link’s character development will be thanks to that. I also never really got over the fact that Allen said in a Discussion Room that he wanted to open a business on which Link would bake/cook, and he would take care of finances. It was so cute. Their best friend: Allen is cherished by many people, given how he has brought positive change to their lives. But, as weird as this might sound, the person closest to him in a personal depth is... Kanda! They have a “love-hate” relationship, but I feel that, out of all the characters, Kanda is the one who can truly understand Allen. Allen has the hardest time opening up, but Kanda doesn’t need him to to know what he truly wants and thinks. And that’s why they fight so much. It’s tragic but in a wholesome way...? My favorite nickname for them: It’s gotta be “beansprout”. He dislikes it, but it sounds actually cute to me xD My favorite AU headcanon of them: That he makes it alive to the end of the story, probably after helping to end the Holy War. I’d love it if he became a wandering performer, just like Mana used to be. When I read the Reverse novel (Lost Fragment of Snow), I remember how smitten Allen felt when seeing so many people smiling in happiness when Mana did his clown trick. I think a path on which he could bring happiness to others for being there would be the one that would fulfill Allen the most, and bring him happiness as well, as he would be able to get constant reminders that his presence is appreciated and cherished. Imagine if he adopted a kid, too? It just sounds so sweet. My favorite outfit they wear: It’s hard to pick one because this guy rocks everything he wears! I love his casual attire the most, with the bow tie, gloves and vest, it’s “very Allen”. My favorite Order uniform of his is definitely the black and red one, though. Defining color: When I think of Allen, I think of white and deep red (#D3000). I also associated gold and silver hues to him, because of the form his Innocence takes (his claws and wrist bands, Crown Clown’s mask, and then the Sword of Exorcism). Would I date them: As much as I love him, no! He is handsome, and despite the bad traumas and experiences he has, he’s still a kind and caring boy (even down to the core, no Mana mask on). However, it’s been so long I cherish him, I feel like he’s like my son more than anything. So I’ll just be a doting father, who grossly cries about how his son grew into a fine, young man... 🤣 First impression: This character looks nice, he’s cute. Shounen protagonists can be 50/50 though, so let’s find out what he’s about first. Current impression: Allen is the most human character I’ve ever seen! There’s depth to his motives and emotions, and just like a normal person, he has qualities and defects. His struggles feel real, and despite still fitting so many shounen protagonist tropes, he’s one of a kind imo. He’s far from perfect, but it’s done in such a way, he just feels very palpable. He definitely helped me shape up who I am, and I relate to him a lot. Hogwarts House: I’ve always pictured him as a Gryffindor, because he’s always willing to sacrifice himself for others, without wanting anything in return, and being this selfless requires a lot of courage. Be it courage or just dumb boldness, he has lots of it. But I also see why people would picture him in Slytherin, as I’d say staying this true to your goals, even when they’re not about yourself, is one of the shapes ambition takes, which this House is known for. Which Pokemon starter they’d be: Popplio! Doesn’t this cheerful fella just remind you of circus artists? The frill on its neck reminds me of the ruffled collar clowns usually wear. And then after they get to evolve into Primarina, they become able of performing Oceanic Operetta, which visually rains down after being sung, reminding me of tears. I kinda relate these visuals to the sadness of Pierrot.

[kitty-bandit]

All the numbers for the salty ask meme XD

Anon, you seem to know I’m a Secret Salt Queen. XD

Also, this is ALL for DGM.

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Honestly? I may hate a few ships, but I can see the appeal of them. Even certain crack ships. Like, just because I don’t find it appealing doesn’t mean I can’t see why others might like it.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

The only real BRoTP I have in DGM is Allen x Lavi x Krory. I think those three are adorable together in a platonic way.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

ROFL, YEAH. There have been a couple over the years, and some were (at the time) considered good friends. There is at least one BNF who I no longer associate with because they couldn’t handle my anti-censorship/ship-and-let-ship stance, even though we’d been friends for years. (I’d supported this person emotionally and financially when they were in trouble, and even beta read for them/helped out with fan events/written a fic for them.) When the fandom drama got intense and antis started causing shit, I got more vocal about anti rhetoric not having a place in our fandom. This BNF couldn’t handle it and ‘broke off our friendship’. We haven’t talked in probably 2 years.

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

Whoops yeah. It’s Yullen. XD Though, I’m not so disgusted when I see the ship anymore, and I’ll even reblog art from time to time. But I don’t go out of my way to seek out content.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

ROFL, you mean Yullen again? Yeah. XD I’m trying to get over my hatred, but it’s a slow process.

6, Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

YUP! Fandom actually got me into Lucky and Poker Pair. I was not a fan of Tyki’s for the longest time (mostly because of OLD fandom portrayals of his character), but a few friends wrote some amazing fics with him and converted into a Tyki lover. XD

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

Not really. I’ve certainly lost interest in writing certain ships, but I’ve never really grown to hate any of them.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?

Hahaha, yeah. Mostly antis being assholes because I don’t cower before them.

I’ve also gotten trolled on my fics on ff.net (one of the various reasons I won’t post there anymore). It was nonsensical sexual harassment, but still. It was gross.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Chaoji. Need I say more?

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Speaking strictly in terms of the manga (because the anime went off on some ridiculous tangent arcs during hiatuses that I just can’t get into), the Mater Arc. It wasn’t bad per se, just… it didn’t interest me. It’s the first real arc for the manga. When I first read/watched it, I hated Kanda a LOT. (Love him now, though.)

And Allen was… not interesting to me. In the early chapters, he felt so flat and dull. The typical nice shounen main character, y’know? OBVIOUSLY Hoshino threw a 180 on that, and now he’s interesting as hell. But yeah, Mater bored me. XD

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I don’t think so?? Most of the unpopular characters are ones I don’t like either.

13. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

If there is a universally unpopular arc, I’m not aware of it. XD

13. Unpopular opinion about ______ character?

I’ll just choose a character I have an unpopular opinion about:

Lenalee

Whenever I see people who yell about others hating Lenalee, I’m confused. I never see this hate, or if I do, it’s so few and far between that it’s not even worth mentioning.

I think it’s a hold over from years back (DGM is like, 15 years old now) when older fandom channeled their internalized misogyny and projected it onto female characters. I lived those days, when a female characters only ‘got in the way’ of your gay ship. (Likely a visceral response to the blatant homophobia in fandom at the time as well, but that’s another story for another time.)

People defend Lenalee without batting an eye, but really? She’s done some shitty things and she’s a rather selfish character. I love her to bits, but she’s not the perfect angel people like to make her out to be.

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

We’re not the perfect fandom everyone thinks we are. Sure, we’re smaller, so problematic people/things crop up less often, but we still have plenty of issues. We’ve got antis, we’ve got homophonia, we’ve got racism. We’re not perfect.

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

Hallow was good. You’re all just mean. XD

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

MORE LAVI!

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Hooboy… What would I change…

OKAY–After the Ark Arc, I would’ve had Allen and Lavi interact more. I wanted to see the aftermath of that! Because before they had left China, Lavi and Lenalee thought Allen was DEAD. And Lavi was Not Okay™. They thought that all the way up until the fight in Edo, when he returns. They almost immediately get sucked into the Ark, and everyone starts dropping like flies after that.

And Lavi’s the last one to ‘die’ in the Ark. Allen watched him fall into the abyss with Chaoji. And he s c r e a m e d.

Yet we have no “I thought you were dead”/ “I thought YOU were dead” conversations. There’s no “I’m so happy you’re alive” conversation and I feel CHEATED.

18. Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or bised?

I give absolutely zero fucks about what’s popular to ship.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Everyone is a little too Precious™ about Hoshino. I love the woman and all, but some people act like guard dogs if anyone criticizes her on anything whatsoever.

Also, I’m perplexed by this “Don’t share spoilers” mentality lately? What else is fandom for but to share spoilers? People act like sharing the RAWS after the magazine comes out in Japan is somehow tantamount to treason.

Like, bitch. Do you know I’d have to wait 2+ years to see any official translations for the manga? I buy the books when they come out, and since Hoshino writes slow, I depend on our fan-translators to give us something to read before I can get my hands on official merch.

Fan-translations are how small fandoms like us survive when we’re not speaking the official language of the source material. Acting like you’re on a high horse because you buy the Japanese copy, then can’t read it because you have a 3 year old’s grasp of the language, is just dumb.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Laven, IMO. Fite me on it. XD

21. What are your thoughts on crack ships?

LOVE ‘EM!!! I’m so here for crack ships. You have no idea.

22. Popular character you hate?

I don’t think I currently hate any popular characters, but I used to hate Tyki and Kanda quite a bit. I love them now, though.

23. Unpopular character you love?

I don’t really have an unpopular character I love. XD I’m just boring like that.

24. Would you recommend DGM to a friend? Why or why not?

Absolutely. I think it’s an amazing manga.

25. How would you end DGM/Would you change the ending of DGM?

LOL WHAT END???

26. Most shippable character?

ROFL, Lavi. I ship that bitch with everyone. XD

27. Least shippable character?

Tiedoll. I’m sorry, I can only see him as the anime equivalent of Bob Ross, and we all know Bob Ross doesn’t fuck.

✧Salty Ask ✧

[theangriestpea]

Mercy Killing

TW/CW: sexual assault mention, violence, trauma

Summary: After a vicious run-in with a group of Ghoulies, Lavender Rhodes is forced down a bumpy road to recovery. In order to protect her from another attack, the Serpent king assigns Fangs and sweet Pea to stay by her side. Too bad Lav and Sweet Pea can't stand each other.

Cross posted on AO3

Chapter One: Road Kill

Two weeks. Fourteen days, three hours, and nineteen minutes to be exact. That’s how long she’d been a full-fledged Serpent. And that’s how long it took for her to be attacked by a group of rabid Ghoulies. Lavender left the Whyte Wyrm, swaying to a beat set on repeat inside her drunk head. Her purple waves of hair bouncing around her as her hips moved on par with the imaginary rhythm. She was too inebriated to drive so she did was she usually did when she had a few too many – she walked. Sunnyside Trailer Park wasn’t that far, about a thirty minute walk. The weather was nice and the cool air felt great against her scorching skin. 

She didn’t even notice the car pull up beside her. She waved off the cat calls and whistles she got. She didn’t stop until someone made her stop. Her eyes opened fully and tried to focus in the darkness. A man with a painted face obscured her vision as another man grabbed her by the wrist. “Time for some fun, boys.” The ghoul in front of her said with a deadly grin. Before she could realize what was happening, it was already too late.

“What is the fuck is that?” Sweet Pea asked, rolling down the window to Fangs’ truck. His eyes had caught sight of a heap on the side of the road. Fangs slowed down, pulling off to the side so that the headlights of his truck shown onto the mass. The sight of signature purple converse immediately caught his eye, “fuck!” Both boys scrambled out to confirm that it was who they thought. A fellow Serpent and a fairly good friend of Fangs’: Lavender Rhodes. She was laying on her side, vomit on the ground beside her. “Jesus fucking Christ.” Sweet Pea breathed out as he noticed the state of her ripped clothes and the blood pooling on the ground and in her clothes, most notably her light blue underwear. Fangs and Sweet Pea shared a look and a nod. Fangs lifted up her small body so Sweet Pea could shimmy her pants back onto his hips. He slid off his jacket and wrapped it around her torso, the large expanse of leather covering her almost down to the middle of her thighs. Sweet Pea picked her up with one hand under her shoulders and the other under her knees. A small whine escaped her lips as her head lulled to the side against his chest. He felt like he was holding a porcelain doll that was cracking, threatening to fall to pieces if he moved too quickly or too forcefully. “Who the fuck did this, Lavie?” Fangs asked, brushing her hair out of her swollen face. “I’m taking you to the hospital but you have to tell me who.” “Ghoulies.” She breathed out, as if just saying it would bring them back. A painful shudder passed through her at the thought, Sweet Pea’s grip tightened as a response. She lost consciousness as they got her into the truck.

*~~~~~~~~~~~*

Lavender thought nothing could be worse than what the Ghoulies did to her, but that was before she went through the rigorous examination for her rape kit. She thought it was pointless. Their faces were painted, it was dark, she was (and still is) drunk, and the only evidence she had was a bit of their flesh under her fingernails that she managed to get as a souvenir. The nurse performing it was very kind and patient. She didn’t judge her, even after she saw the double headed snake tattoo on her right breast. Once it was over she gave the teen a mild sedative to help her relax so the doctor could look over her other injuries. FP was outside along with Jughead, Sweet Pea, and Fangs. His arms were crossed and his teeth were clenched. He’d watch this girl grow up. He cheered her on through her initiation. Now he wondered the extent of what the rival gang members had done to her. And he asked repeatedly what the hell she was doing by herself at night. Fangs informed him that he offered to drive her home but she insisted that she didn’t need a man to take care of her. Insisted that she would be fine. Insisted that she’d done this dozens of times and nothing had ever happened. Insisted she was brave enough, strong enough, and smart enough to take care of herself. All four boys stopped breathing when the nurse exited the room once she thought Lav was settled enough to be on her own. She looked up at FP and shook her head. “This is bad FP.” “How is she?” FP asked, keeping his voice level and calm though he was everything but. “Resting.” The nurse said. “She’s been through a lot. Collecting the evidence is always the worst part for the victim.” There were a collection of bags in her hands along with notes detailing everything Lavender was able to tell her. “I’ll ask her more questions when she’s sober. The doctor still needs to take a look at her, but I would guess she has a concussion, cracked ribs, and I suspect that her wrist is broken but she wouldn’t let us do x-rays earlier. We stitched everything that required it, put bandages on everything else. They worked her over good, FP, but she fought. She fought like hell. Not that it did much against four grown men.” His frown deepened, an expression mirrored by the younger boys. “Be honest, are we going to find who did this?” “I collected some blood and skin under her fingernails. She made sure to grab a fistful of hair too. If there’s any other evidence on her clothes or from what I combed from her hair then forensics will find it.” She told him. “No semen?” FP asked, not wanting to say it but knowing he had to. She let out a sad sigh, “they used a foreign object. She wouldn’t tell me what, but I’ll ask again once she’s had a chance to rest. This wasn’t about sex. This was about power. The doctor is going to do a more thorough physical examination now that I’ve done what I need to. It’s going to be a while, we’re busy as hell tonight.” “Thanks Lorraine.” FP said with nothing less than sincerity. She nodded at him before taking the evidence to where it needed to be stored for the deputy who was coming to pick it up. “Those mother fuckers.” Fangs hissed out, “they’re going to pay for this.” Sweet Pea was just as angry, even if he didn’t really like Lavender. To him she had just been some Northsider with serpent blood, much like Jughead. She hadn’t proven herself. Sure she did the serpent dance and went through initiation but it wasn’t like she’d ever actually done anything for them. He didn’t care about her but the thought that the Ghoulies had done this to one of their own? That he did care about and he thirsted for revenge just as much as his best friend did. “Do we know for sure it was the Ghoulies?” Jughead dared to ask. “If we retaliate and it wasn’t them, then it’ll start a war.” FP was almost too lost in thought to hear him. Before he could answer Sweet Pea growled a response, “who the fuck else would do this?” “Someone wanting to frame the Ghoulies.” Jughead said flatly. It wasn’t that he didn’t think they were guilty. He just wanted all bases covered. FP understood this, but still didn’t quite like what he son was getting at. 

“There’s a tell in how they do things.” FP said. “A signature.” Lav wasn’t the first Serpent to be raped by the Ghoulies and he doubt she’d be the last. There had been two other victims in the past ten years who had been assaulted by the Ghoulies in a similar fashion. There was one blinding similarity: the object they used to violate the women. Jughead seemed to figure it out while the other two boys were left in the dark. “So? What is it?” Fangs pressed, his voice desperate for answers that FP just didn’t have. FP let out an aggravated sigh, “we need to find out what they used, but if she’s not ready to say then I don’t want to push her. Sweet Pea, Fangs, I’m assigning you to protection detail in case they decide to go for another round. Just until she’s healed up. Take shifts, do whatever, just don’t leave her side. In the meantime, Jughead and I will get to the bottom of this.” There was another tense, quiet moment. “I need to get this figured out, come with me Jug. You two stay here. I don’t reckon she’s going to be up for visitors for some time. I’ll be back in a few hours to check in.” FP said before leaving with his son to look into the other two cases that happened years ago. Fangs and Sweet Pea sat for a while without speaking, fists clenched so hard that their knuckles were white. “I know you don’t like her, Sweets. I can watch her myself.” Fangs said after a while of agitated silence. The doctor had swept past them and was inside now examining her with the help of Lorraine. “No, it’s my job too.” Sweet Pea stated hotly, not disagreeing with the fact that he didn’t like Lavender but also not liking that this had happened to her. “She didn’t deserve this.” “I know…I should have just taken her drunk ass home.” Fangs said with a sigh, his voice cracking near the end. Sweet Pea glanced at him, “it’s not your fault. She’s stubborn as fuck. Everyone knows it. No one’s going to blame you, Fangs.”

*~~~~~~~~~~~*

Lavender woke up the next day even sorer than she had been the night before. She didn’t remember much other than the pain. Her right eye was still swollen shut. There were stitches along the four evenly placed gashes across her face where the pointed brass knuckles had caught her skin. Her lip was busted. She looked down with her good eye to see a cacophony of bandages and a cast on her left wrist. She could feel think bandaging around her ribcage which hurt like hell. At first she couldn’t remember how she got there. It all came back in an achingly slow pace. The drinking, the attack, someone picking her up, the nurse…She remembered the exam more than anything else for some reason. Her dreams were all haunted memories of painted up ghouls and it was hard to ignore the pain between her legs. A soft snore caused her to turn her head to see Fangs sleeping quietly in the chair next to her bed. “Fangs,” She rasped out, not recognizing her voice. He didn’t stir, “Fogarty, wake up.” She said, a little louder. His snoring promptly stopped and his eyes fluttered open, “Lav? Hey baby, you’re awake.” He smiled at her, trying not to look distraught by her appearance. The bruising was so much worse now than it had been last night. “How you feel?” She stared at him for a moment, tears welling up into her eyes making Fangs instantly regret his question. “Hey, hey it’s okay.” He said, getting up to grab her good hand. “It’s okay to not feel okay.” Lav forced a small laugh “That doesn’t make sense…” She muttered, squeezing his hand weakly. “Did you bring me here?” He nodded, “Sweat Pea carried you while I drove. Do you not remember?” “It’s a blur.” She mumbled. “Sweet Pea? But he hates me.” Fangs’ thumb rubbed against her skin to try and sooth her. “He doesn’t hate you. In fact, we’ve been assigned to watch over you while you get better.” She let out a groan, “I don’t need babysitters.” “Yea, you do.” FP said firmly as he entered the room. “That’s not up for negotiation.” Lavender frowned as she looked at her king. He was holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a duffel bag in the other. She quickly looked away, feeling too ashamed to meet his eyes. “How do you-“ FP started but Fangs quickly did a throat cutting motion to get him to stop before he upset her again. He cleared his throat, “The doctor says you can come home today but you’ll still need your rest. He’s giving you a few prescriptions. Something for pain, nausea, and some antibiotics to make sure none of your cuts become infected. I’ve already picked up some gauze and bandages to keep you wrapped up tighter than a mummy.” She chanced a glance up at him, “thanks, dad.” She joked lightly. Her father had died a year before of a bad motorcycle accident. Her mother left only months prior to that. She was alone now and the Serpents were all she had. Her dad and FP had been best friends, he was his right hand man. When she visited her father every other weekend, half the time she would spend it at the Jones’ trailer. “So…what was the damage?” Lavender asked, genuinely curious despite the sickening churn of anxiety in her stomach. FP sighed softly, “Concussion, fractured orbital bone, broken nose, broken wrist, three broken ribs, dozens of stitches. You really ran the gamut.” He paused for a moment, “Fangs and Sweet Pea are going to stay with you in your trailer, okay? They’ll have you feeling right as rain in no time.” FP said, setting the coffee down on the bedside table for her. “I got it just the way you like it. Three creams, no sugar.”

She gave him a sheepish smile before taking a sip of the bean juice. “It’s perfect, thanks…but, Sweet Pea? Are you sure?” “What? Not good enough for you, Northsider?” Sweet Pea asked, having been right outside the door. He was in the doorframe now, staring her down as he filled it completely. She was able to hold his gaze much longer than she held FP’s, “no, that’s not it.” She said flatly. “I guess your giant self will scare away any Ghoulie.” Sweet Pea continued to frown. Fangs chuckled, “damn straight, baby. When can she get out of here, FP?” “Hold your horses, it’ll be at least another hour.” FP said. “They have to get the discharge paperwork ready, Lorraine needs to ask a few follow up questions, and I’ll need to pick up the prescriptions. I brought some clothes for you from your trailer since yours are locked up with evidence.” “My shoes…” Lav mumbled, suddenly feeling like her whole identity had been ripped from her. Her nickname, her persona, everything came from those light purple ratty low tops she wore every day. They were in that good broken in stage where they were molded to her feet perfectly, and she could wear them without socks and not get blisters if she was in a hurry. She never had to untie them because they were stretched enough to where she could slip her feet in and out with no fuss. Sure the whites were no longer white and the purple was now muted with dirt but still…they were a part of her soul. Fangs was quiet, not knowing how to console her on that. He just held her hand tighter. FP dug through the duffel and pulled out a pair of shoes, setting them on her legs delicately. They looked identical to the ones she had lost…well, when they were new at least. Sure they weren’t broken in and she’d have blisters the first week or so wearing them but…the mere sentiment had tears in her eyes. “Thanks, FP...For everything.” “You just have to promise me to get better as soon as possible.” FP told her softly, as if he were a father speaking to his daughter. “Okay? We’re going to find who did this and we’re going to make them pay.” Lav just nodded meekly. They were going to fucking pay.

[icharchivist]

Lavi learning about the abuses Allen went through would be interesting in adding another layer to his insight into humanity. A part of Lavi's bookman hard cold logic mentality could rationalize the extremes rhe Order committed for survival (not that he'd like it). But the people who hurt Allen, at and before the circus, don't have that excuse. They really would fit Lavi's stupid and violent view of humanity he had pre Order/Allen. But unlike Lavi, Allen still choose to see love and goodness-

2 in the end. He saw the loving bond between Mana and his dog. He recieved the warmth Allen the dog gave him and mourned his death openly. He felt guilty for hurting Mana and wanted to make up for it. He also still wanted to get and give love despite not having any memory of experiencing it pre Mana. I think that's what confounds Lavi the most. Lavi's seen evil and just made himself cold/indifferent to everyone non bookman. In Lavi's eyes, Allen can see past the ugliness and love what needs to-

3 be loved. No matter how much it hurts, Allen still walks forward. I think Lavi does wish he could have done that too. It's just interesting because Lavi could have been the type to resent Allen for his kindness and outlook. Instead the first sign of Allen being different made him change his whole outlook. Like he had become that little 6 yr old again venturing into new territory. He'd probably feel that way again if he knew just how horrible Allen's past was and how much that drove Allen.

YES exactly! 

This was exactly what I meant in a previous ask about “cruelty hiding behind a purpose” bc in war this is what you see.Of course there are sadistic scary people who are only there to hurt people, but they will all hide behind whatever purpose the war has to offer. Even Lavi being tortured atm by a brunch of sadistic genocidal guys is litterally for the purpose to get information. 

But hwat happened to Allen had no rhyme nor reason and it is not exactly the kind of suffering Lavi would be used by. Humanity sucks, yeah, he’s seen it in wars, but battlefields is not always the best way to get to know humanity per se. Sure, humans who keep themselves into those wars - those politics who send people to die for their battles, the hopeful who die young, the horrors, the people who take advantage of it, the people who do horrors trying to stop the war “end justifying the means” type, the collateral damages and how civilians can respond with fear, while others may show out their selfishness - all of this is a specific set of humanity that is nothing alike Anything Allen even went through. 

And it’s ofc not saying that those wars weren’t traumatic to start with don’t get me wrong, I think that for Lavi to cope with such emotional distachement those wars had been plenty traumatic in their own way. what i mean is that, Lavi is prepared for the cruelty that comes with war. Not those that comes with the regular world.

The thing is that Lavi had to learn to cope very early and his exemple was Bookman who told him to shut off his emotions. I mean, Lavi got wounded by a straybullet on a battlefield when he was 7, one year after he started his recording duty. Even if Bookman is a loving father figure as much as possible, the uprising of the Bookmen is Not Healthy. Especially not for a child who has to process countless of horrors. 

So to shut down his emotions seemed the normal course of action to take. And from tunning down your emotions you lack your ability to care, by keeping your heart under locks you don’t let anything touches you. 

And... it’s interesting because without Mana we can’t know how Allen would have been. He would have been bitter perhaps. When you look at last chapter, it seems like fighting with Cosimo wasn’t a first time thing considering how quick Allen was to react - yet you can see that Allen still had a confrontational behavior, he didn’t let things happen to him. He had to be beaten into submission and apologizing and then emotionally abused in order to keep him back in track. Yet we still see him refusing his situation, rejecting it. Even as a kid. He was full of anger but he didn’t accept it. Even when he was forced to.

Having Mana and the dog had been salvator for Allen. Some people he could pour his hearts onto, people who would give him warmth, people who would make sure his feelings were valid. After all even we do have a scene of Mana helping Allen process his grief toward the dog.  And Allen was young enough to still form himself around that.

There’s something i’ve been told in therapy that the environment you were at at 7yo  can change your entiere development as of then, since it’s when your brain really is starting to try to make sense of the world around you in more personal details. 

Lavi was on battlefield at that point, seeing people dying and dying and dying. Allen was at that damn circus, with cruel people, but he met Mana and started to travel with him right at that time.  And they had to give logic to their life experience so far, both of them. 

tbh I wonder if Bookman slightly dotting Lavi when he was in convalescence might not have made it impossible for Lavi to be completely emotionless because of that one spurr of love Bookman let in (even if then Bookman had always reproached him the thing in question for emotional distance as well). But as it was, Lavi had to make sense of the war around him. That was his primary focus. Hell if he had been in nothing but wars, how much does he even know about common life and suffering not war related?

And Allen saw all the cruelty of humanity, but he found something that genuinely made him happy, a warmth and optimism he wasn’t quite receptive to at first until he found himself at peace in it. He rationalized his life thus far and realized this, this is the kind of behavior that makes me happy. And he clang to that, and with Mana’s tehn sudden death and the akumatization Allen felt guilty about, it was important for Allen to carry that happiness on, knowing how much this had changed his life for the better. 

And like you say, that’s exactly things that could surprise Lavi because Lavi never had any opportunity to see that sort of love. I mean... Bookman is one thing, but it doesn’t change too that Mana was just as much a stranger to Allen than anyone in that Circus. If anything it proved Allen that humanity might not be that bad, actually, since that random human could take care of him. On the other hand we have Lavi who only ever could count on Bookman - and we know that he considered Bookmen above humanity. Bookman was still someone who had a duty to protect Lavi. Mana, as far as Allen knew, didn’t. 

And this adds too to the shock of thinking Mana only cared for Allen because of Nea, because the whole reason that it could have given Allen’s faith toward strangers, toward humanity, was that Mana was a stranger who still treated him kindly. The moment Mana had ulterior motives, this unconditional kindness Allen built himself upon wavers. Because for Allen it’s essential that a person who had no reason to care about him ended up extending him this kindness, and that’s how he ended up living his life.

I don’t specifically think Lavi would ever really think that he should have approched the situation like Allen did because there’s a lot of specifics entering in count in their specific trauma and how they coped with it.

But it is still telling, that for Lavi the horrors of wars became so nomrla, so usual, so easy to cope with, that the horrors Allen had been through are... a complete different affair. And to see that above all of that Allen took the approach of being kind, no matter what, to always be extending a hand for those in needs... It would be puzzling. How does on react to suffering this way? 

At war Lavi might have ended up believing there’s no point trying to save people, it’s a lost cause, if they don’t die now they will die later on the battlefield. And if they survive they will have the weigh of this pointless war on their shoulders.But Allen’s salvation came from a person caring. It wasn’t life or death. Saving someone there would help create a better future.

And honestly, Lavi did resent Allen when he first meet him, albeit it was because of the whole “that idiot called an akuma and is so lucky with his stupid eye and he doesn’t realize none of us can actually trust each other because the enemy is everywhere”. Lavi was extremely patronizing in his first appearance. He thought Allen was lucky. Until Krory’s castle. 

The more Lavi manages to unveil about what kind of person Allen is the more he realizes how wrong he had been the first time around. That his desire to save others at all cost wasn’t naivety but hyperawareness of what suffering was like. 

Allen did show his kindness the first thing around Lavi. he was soft. He actually showed pain at the idea of killing others humans, to whcih Lavi just said “what a baby.” Allen had shown his desire to help too all step into the Krory’s arc when they had to approach Krory. It’s just that Lavi brushed it off as naivety. Until he realized how wrong he was.

And especially, Lavi had seen that Allen was right in his love. I mean in the following arcs Lavi and Krory are super close and it shows they’ve become friends. Had Allen not taken the time to help Krory this friendship wouldn’t have existed. Lavi can witness everyday how Allen’s words improved Krory’s life for the better. When Allen was dead, Lavi could still see the direct impact of Allen’s kindness by his side. Hell, Krory saved Lavi’s life on that damn boat too. Had Allen not talked Krory out of suicide none of this would have happened.

I think comparing him to a child again is a good move bc it showcase a lot his internal fight with his younger self crying at him for taking different steps, for caring so much about others. In order to move on Lavi should put back in perspective how he had dealt with life so far, and Allen had always been a guiding light in that purpose.

To know the horrors Allen had gone through would already be a complete different spin on suffering than anything Lavi have ever experienced. 

And the kindness Allen showed, that is already so strange to Lavi, yet so encouraging, is just all the more powerful.

I think Lavi would realize that. Especially with how much Allen’s kindness as its own power was the very thing he sneered upon until he realized it was the most important thing Allen ever gave out.

So his reactions to the horrors... I don’t see him handling it well. But i do think it would be important.

.... and I rambled a lot again i’m sorry but this is a topic that really fascinates me ahdjkf

[isweartoerenimnotjaeger]

-Quickly and nervously throws this in the tags and runs away- Hope you enjoy and it’s not too painful!

First of all, sorry for the bad grammar and run on sentences that may pop up. Second of all, this is the very first playlist I ever put together, ‘criticism’ is welcomed. Hate, especially on the song or band because ‘insert problematic thing band has done’ is not welcomed. I focused on lyrics and the feel of the song. I know my song choices are probably not the same as what you would’ve chosen for Lavi and that’s okay. This is just sort of what I feel is Lavi. If that makes sense.

This sort of ties both to canon!Lavi and my ModernAU!Lavi which is why some songs may feel a bit ooc. Some parts of this playlist may point to possible ships. My intention was to leave this completely ambiguous for all ships (or at least try to, now that I think of it there are a helluva lot pointing towards Allen. Oopsie. Sorry. Blame it on the fact they’re my BROTP I guess). This is Lavi’s playlist in which it is lyric heavy (I have another one coming up that is not lyric heavy and is more nature/introspective/ambient.) Under the cut are the songs I have used, why I have used them, why I have placed them the way I did, as well as some Lavi musings/quotes/ song lyrics (musings will be heavier in my second playlist, not so much in this one. This one is heavy on the quotes and lyrics. Sorry. Next one will be a lot more creative; I promise).

With that, I hope you enjoy. Special thank you to all the 8tracks playlists I listened to. They helped me get a feel for him a lot better. Some songs are included from other playlists. Special thanks to 7hereticprinciples for their input as well. Included is the 8tracks link. If you’d wish for access to my youtube playlist, please send me an ask or pm me.

For the most part this playlist was a bit difficult to place songs with. My game plan was to set songs that were faster and more upbeat together. I wanted to do the same with the slower songs as well. However, I also wanted to have some sort of flow going. The beginning of the playlist is supposed to be centered on Lavi’s thoughts and his ‘being’ for the lack of a better term. Later on, in the playlist it’s supposed to show him struggling to maintain distance as he begins to form bonds with the people he’s supposed observe.

I know the songs themselves may seem very back and forth at times, but I think that’s a good way to show his internal struggle. I also know some songs seem to draw out, for instance I have three songs dealing with love (not feeling, not being able to reciprocate, etc). For that I am sorry. I just didn’t know where else to place them and it felt like this was the best fit. As for the two last songs I added, one is to provide the idea that no matter how hard Lavi tries he will always be ‘human’ he will have to continually fight it. The last song is to represent hope (Von is the Icelandic word for hope), whether it be for the war’s end, Allen’s and the other exorcist’s survival, or humanity’s overall survival.

Oshakashama (Translated as Buddah)- Radwimps

I chose this song specifically because I thought the lyrics fit Lavi’s thought processes towards humans quite well. It really takes on the outlook of how stupid humanity can be and how irrational our actions are. The lyrics are very detached sounding. If we are being real, a lot of exorcists go through doubting God and I’m certain Lavi would more than likely do the same. Since the song is in Japanese, I provided the link to the english lyrics.

https://lyricstranslate.com/en/oshakashama-%E3%81%8A%E3%81%97%E3%82%83%E3%81%8B%E3%81%97%E3%82%83%E3%81%BE-buddha.html

 Wolf- Now Now

“Why Lavi? You’re Lavi number 49. You’re supposed to be just like me. Why aren’t you like the other 48 Lavis? Why are you different? Why are you having so much trouble number 49? Well…? Shall we take a different number? Don’t you want to be a bookman anymore!? Can you take it number 49…Lavi Bookman? Can you take it? Or do you have to be destroyed? You’re changing…you have to get out of here…”

 Iron- Woodkid

“War is sorrowful. The flames of war burned away life and dreams and bonds, leaving behind countless sorrows. So sorrow gives birth to tragedy. And tragedy gives birth to Akuma. Lavi is my 49th name. That’s how many battles I’ve seen. Why are human beings always fighting wars…?” -Lavi Bookman

Renegade- Paramore

Renegade- a person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles.

Devit: What? Is he from the tribe of the Bookman? They’re working for your side now, eh?

Komui: Welcome to the black order.

Try not to make waves. I know we’re going to be here for awhile…

Realty- Lost Frequencies

Special thank you to 7hermiticprinciples for this suggestion! This feels very much like Lavi and I think it depicts the life of a traveler/Bookman/wanderer perfectly. Especially when you’ve already detached yourself from the meddling of humans. I’d think it would be very freeing.

Who Are You Really- Mikky Ekko

“In time I no longer knew whether my smile was genuine or an act.” Lavi Bookman.

Who exactly am I? Am I still a Bookman? Or not? Should I stay as Lavi or create number 50? Am I Lavi? I am not like the other 48 Lavis. Why? Why am I different? The old man’s words became harder to remember…

Not in Love- Crystal Castles

(This one was a bit of a weird choice for Lavi and I almost thought about not including it, but the force was strong with this one. My Lavi muse would not let me budge.) “I won’t give you my heart. No one lives there anymore…I’m not in love…I’m not in love….I’m not in love…I have no need for feelings….”

Love, Love, Love- Of Monsters And Men

“Well maybe I’m a crook for stealing your heart away. Yeah, maybe I’m a crook for not caring for it. Yeah maybe I’m a bad, bad, bad person. Well baby I know.” “Cause you love, love, love, when you know I can’t love. You love, love, love when you know I can’t love. You love, love, love when you know I can’t love you.”

Heart of Stone-Iko

I feel like this song would be one of the other D Gray Man characters towards Lavi. Definitely an OTP song.

“When you’re here with me. You’re not here with me. I just can’t forget you and your heart of stone.”

Hurt- Johnny Cash

“I never thought of you people as my friends, I’m the next Bookman and that’s all I am.” -Lavi Bookman

“I will let you down. I will make you hurt. I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar’s chair. Full of broken thoughts I can’t repair.”

Breath of Life- Florence and The Machine

“I was looking for a breath of life. A little touch of heavenly light, but all the choirs in my head sang no….Whose side am I on, whose side am I? Whose side am I on, whose side am I?”

Numbers- Daughter

“I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom. I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom. I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom. I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom.”

Message To Bears- Mountains

I added this song because it just feels so…wandery. It makes me feel like something I’d listen to walking down my gravel road to nowhere, aimlessly. I sort of imagine Lavi wanting to run away sometimes from being a Bookman in this song (even if he is proud to be one and wants to be one). Maybe he’d take his special someone with him? I hope so. 

Human- Daughter 

A Bookman must always struggle with his heart. His human side. You may have won this time Bookman Junior, but how long can you struggle with the human deep inside of you?

Von- Yoko Kanno ft. Arnor Dan

 A song from a cold place. A song of hope. This is an Icelandic song that is a personal favorite of mine from the anime Terror in Resonance. I couldn’t resist adding it because while the song is chilling, the lyrics speak of hope (von). Hope for humanity’s survival.

https://lyricstranslate.com/en/von-hope.html

 I didn’t expect to have this done so soon haha. I hope you all enjoyed it. My second Lavi playlist will take a bit longer and the descriptions are going to be longer since I want to try and make a story (centric around nature if possible) around each song. So far, it’s reaching up to 16 tracks. If it goes above 20, I will split it and create a third, especially if the second one I have planned gets popular. Please check out all the bands and support them. Also watch Terror in Resonance. It is truly a beautiful anime, one of the best I have seen. Thank you very much.

[norowareshimono]

Gray Log’s Monochrome Gallery: Hoshino’s Chapter Covers Selection

Other DGM translations

Presenting the chapter covers that Hoshino herself has selected with her commentary! It includes the her personal Top 3 too!

First place: 

Chapter 167 “Hint”

I like the balance of the whole picture and how it combines scariness and cuteness. You can feel the bond between them, but at the same time something feels off. Moreover, I think I did a good job at giving it a meaningful air.

Second place:

Chapter 193 “Friend”

My second favorite.

I drew this cover just after the last scene of the chapter, the one where Kanda destroys the rampaging Alma, and I remember being overcome with emotion. Alma had become very dear to me by then, so I wanted to give him one of his lovely expressions for last.

However, drawing him smiling was difficult to do. Regarding the letters saying “friend” behind Alma, they are supposed to be made with “blood.” Had this been a color page, I would have probably painted them in a black to red gradation, instead of pure black.

I’m sure this Alma is turning towards Yuu, a smile coming to his lips.

Third place:

Chapter 105 “A Stage in Rouge”

I adore Krory and Eliade’s tragic love.

It’s a pitiful one, but I love it (laugh) and I think this cover was able to express it well. I think it’s a shame that, due to time constraints, the rose garden in the background ended up looking so rough, but there is something in how you can only see Eliade’s shoulder that’s really sad and painful. The situation, with Krokins holding an umbrella, is cute too, to the point I feel like praising past me (laugh).

The Nominees:

Chapter 2 “Full Moon Night”

The current me wouldn’t ever come up with a composition like this, would I? There is something nostalgic in realizing that I once came up with these kinds of ideas. The resemblance to the movie “Nightmare before Christmas”, the likening of the end of the curtain to a city, the roses blooming from what appears to be a pool of blood… The me back then had some spooky yet cute ideas, didn’t she?

Chapter 43 “Laughter”

Of all the Tyki I’ve drawn, I think this one is the most handsome (laugh). Often, whenever I forget how to draw him, I give a look at this cover (laugh). It’s a refreshing image, very much like him. I like the simple background too.

Chapter 59 “White Heartbeats”

Miranda sitting with her legs crossed is a sort of refreshing sight, isn’t it? (laugh) The second uniform fits Miranda really well, so I’m glad I got to draw a full body picture of her.

Chapter 60 “The Path of Oath”

A back view of Allen and Tim, which sort of parallels the Mana and Allen cover that took first place. You ought to look at Tim’s shapely, terse butt! The tight line between its legs is especially cute!

Chapter 62 “Battle Plan”

This cover was drawn with just a pencil. It illustrates nicely the pencil’s characteristic softness, or so I think. After seeing this, I felt like drawing my manuscripts using a pencil (laugh). However, erasing the sketch seems like it would be a problem…

Chapter 85 “To Portray ‘Love’ in that Play”*

I like this one because of how well it fits the chapter’s title and how good is this composition for a cover. I was able to portray the uncanniness in Allen’s Innocence in it. It’s a good depiction in more than one sense, so I like it.

* Translator Note: I’m not 100% sure about this one, but I think this title may have a double meaning. The first, as seen above, being “to portray ‘love’ in that play” and the second “to portray ‘myself’ in that play.” アイ (pronounced ai) is in katakana, a strange choice if you were talking only about 愛 (also ai, meaning love). The only other option that makes sense in context is the English “I”, which is also written as アイ in katakana. Both are very fitting, so I think this was intentional.

Chapter 99 “Debt Crisis”

I was in a real hurry when I drew this one. I can clearly remember myself drawing in a rush with the calligraphy pen. The detailed parts, like the buttons or the hair, were made using a normal pen, but everything else was drawn with the calligraphy one.

Chapter 103 “An Unruly Child”

I like a lot of covers depicting Krory, don’t I? It’s the same pose I gave Allen in chapter 14, but it’s a good fit for Krory as well. I like it. The gentleman look is a good match for Krory, don’t you think? He’s tall too, and that gives him the air of a fashion model.

Chapter 119 “La + vi”

If you were to use only objects, I think this picture would be the only possible metaphor for Lavi’s character. The small objects within the coffin are all the things he has recorded in his travels. This represents that Lavi is empty inside, that he’s filled only with information. There is also a reason for the birdcage to be empty, but that’s still a secret!

I was able to cram a lot of information about Lavi in this one page, so I’m quite fond of it.

Chapter 123 “Voice of Darkness”*

I drew this as my idea of how Allen’s “Crown Clown” would look if it took human form.

* Translator Note: The furigana says ��え, voice, but the kanji is 吟, which means “recital” or “lament.”

Chapter 124 “Black Carnival”

This cover doubles as a panel of the manga, but I drew it so Allen and Tyki were the picture of “eeriness” and “fear.”

Chapter 130 “Eyes of Hatred”

I’m satisfied with how I drew Allen’s eyes here. Back then, that made me so happy. The smoke trail and the frills in Cross’ hand are lovely and well done too.

Chapter 132 “The Musician!!?”

After lots of worrying about this cover, I thought "let's include every element associated with Allen!" and this is how it turned out. This page took an unusual amount of time.

Chapter 138 “But Time Goes On”

Drawing this cover was fun. In Allen’s drawers there are only sweets (rations) and detailed debt accounts (laugh). The room is so small there isn’t enough space for two beds, that’s why Link is waking up an a futon.

Chapter 195 “Ripple”

I managed to draw a good pose here. There is no other character in DGM that could pull this off (laugh). At the time, my assistants thought that the flashing light over his head was hilarious (laugh), but I wanted to add it for the symbolism!

Chapter 198 “The Truth of the Barren Flowers” & Chapter 190 “The Garden of Barren Flowers”

After drawing this, I was filled with satisfaction. This cover marks the first appearance of Alma in a cover without a smile, I think. It’s an image of Kanda and Alma once they learnt the truth of the “Second Exorcist Project.” My goal was to liken them to lotus flowers, and I think I was able to convey that idea here. The cover, title included, forms a set with the one for chapter 190. They are standing outside the lotus at first, all to get inside at the end. The idea was to use these two pages to represent the beginning and the end.

Chapter 208 “We, Who Live Lost”

Those who depart and those who return. This image left a huge impression in me, as it was the first time I drew something with that kind of concept. It was really fun to do. Johnny’s pose is absolutely uncool, yet for some reason it makes me want to cheer for him. I like that about it.

Chapter 209 “In Search of A.W. – Travelling Companions”

I like this Reever. I want you, readers, to imagine who is in the photo he is looking at. Ehehe. What’s bringing out that smile?

Chapter 214 “In Search of A.W. – Awakening”

This was my first time drawing a full body picture of Nea. Just as the theme of “Kanda and company = lotus flowers” exists, the same goes for “Nea and company = the wind.” If you can perceive that more or less in this scene, that’ll make me happy.

[nea-writes]

dgm dungeons & dragons au

Made with pix (@puriisera over on twitter) with some additional help from pea (@peatootin). This is them actually in an au, not them playing dnd, though that’s a fun idea too!! ft Sera from digital devil saga!

We’re still pretty new to dnd but!! I’ve seen a few of dgm aus for it going around and wanted to try my hand at it ^^

Allen is a rogue bloodhunter

subclass: arcana trickster

race: human (cursed)

weapon: chakram whip -> broadsword

Lenalee is a monk

race: elf

weapon: quarterstaff and dagger

Kanda is a ranger

race: red tiefling

weapon: scimitar

Lavi is a warlock bard

race: half dwarf

weapon: axe -> maul

Sera is a barbarian cleric

race: halfling

weapon: tonfas

Alma is also a tiefling!

I’m considering a fic for it but considering it’d basically be like writing a campaign and I’ve never dm-ed in my life, I might not go through with it lol we certainly cooked a bit of lore about it though. 

More under the cut!

Allen’s chakram whip was totally made up lol its basically a serrated whip that clasps around his waist but can coil into a chakram. It was our effort to replicate his first two stages of his innocence (close and far ranged). Allen is one of the few who multiclasses and is initially a rogue who delves into the arcane. He later classes into bloodhunter for....reasons. That’s also when he gets his broadsword! Allen is covered head to toe. He wears a turtleneck sleeveless shirt thats incredibly thick along with the modified bolero shrug (before eventually switching to the manaca armor). He also has long thick gloves. Think like leather or some heavy duty fabric. Then his charkam whip connected around his waist, and his pants. Theyre not skin tight, a loose light fabric that makes no sound when he moves. It grows tighter around his calves/ankles, and then his flat footed boots. On top it all, a cape with a hood and mask. All of Allen’s clothes r zipped, belted, or secured with several ties

Lenalee was a bit harder to place. Eventually, due to the combined spiritual/meditative/combative traits of the monk class, we placed her there. Lenalee’s mainly a physical fighter, and uses her staff to reach what her legs can’t. She has heavy weighted boots that can break bones if she lands a hit on you. She has two sets of earrings, which don’t stand out in comparison to Lavi, but given the absence of any other jewelry, it certainly is noticeable. Lenalee has a bodice for freedom of movement but wears a cropped jacket to cover her arms outside of battle. 

Kanda was the most fun to settle on. Tiefling, because it’d make him look intimidating, but also because of the general isolated nature tieflings have. A lot of Kanda’s character design is less superficial and more background, so his outfit is nothing to boast of. Loose wraps, his usual sword. Don’t touch his horns. Ever. He’s also got scarification tattoos done around his chest and left shoulder. They certainly look painful, but if you ask him about it you won’t get a word from him.

AND Lavi. He’s definitely got an interesting background. He’s half-dwarf but insanely tall. What’s the other half? Who knows. He sure isn’t telling, but he swears he’s half dwarf. Up to you if you believe him. Lavi initially has an insanely huge axe, which paired with his statue makes him very intimidating. Lavi’s clothes are less eye catching than his numerous tattoos, piercings, necklaces, and bracelets. Most notably are the piercings and bracelets. They’re welded on, and each one has a strange unique symbol... you don’t recognize any of them, but they clearly carry meaning. His tattoos seem to be of a certain language, but it’s a script no one recognizes. 

Sera is a barbarian cleric due to her, hmm, dual kind of nature in canon. She wears a lot fo furs and leathers, most notably a fur collar, a fur skirt with a softer layer underneath, booties, bells along her upper arms and her ankles, and her tonfas hooked in the small of her back. she’s definitely not a powerhouse you might expect, but small means fast and deadly, and her tonfas can do quite a bit of damage. Nonetheless, Sera likes it best when she can help hear her comrades. 

Anyways I tried my hand at drawing it.

[modernisedking-blog]

HEY SO WHAT UP  ──  tbh i’ve been meaning to make one of these for a while but never got around to it because i’m .. me. BUT HEY IT’S FINALLY DONE !! i’ve reached a milestone on this blog that i hadn’t ever reached before, and i still don’t understand how. i’ve had my bakugou for a little over two months now ( like two months and 2 weeks or something idek ), and in that time i’ve come to meet a bunch of great people that i now consider my super close friends. being here on bakugou makes me the happiest person, and while yeah i love bakugou to bits  ──  it mostly has to do with the fact that i get to interact with all of you, who always brighten my day and for whatever reason, continue to put up with my dumbass. so without further ado .. 

//  SPECIAL MENTIONS THOUGH //

@willsmite. /  @silencebled  :  IRI MY BOY ─ brah gee wheeze do i love you  ;  3  ;  you are such an important person in my life and i feel so lucky to have you around .. you have helped me through so much and have filled my nights and days with countless laughs and good times. you are so bright and so talented i’m crying ..  i remember when we became mutuals and how i freaked cos i’d looked up to you and your writing from a distance. i really didn’t think we’d ever interact and now here we are - two months of nonstop talkin’ later and i’m so fckn done :/ ( kidding ur stuck with me forever and i’m love u )

@fawkesed / @narumakii : why there they go .. the beautiful person who holds my dumb heart in their precious hands HOBBIT !! wheezes i love you so dang much it’s crazy  ──  talking to you always brightens my day, i honest to god cannot imagine ever not being in your presence because lemme tell ya my world would be dark and ugly without you in it. you are soooOOOooo talented @ everything i still dont understand how you do it.. not to mention you are a cutie and every time i’m blessed with a selfie i die on the spot. never forget that i adore you !! you are my special lil one !! 

// UNDER A READ MORE NOW CAUSE I’M EMO AND WRITING TOO MUCH //

@magicalshe : BUBBLES COME HERE AND SMOOCH US !! we haven’t written on this blog yet but we have on .. u know the one and fuckin’ you are such a sweetie and our threads with dottie and ara will always be some of my faves - apart from that though, you are such a sweet person and one of the most genuine people i have ever had the honour of knowing. you always know how to fckn make me smile and you have always just been such an angel upon this earth i dont know what i’ve one to deserve you as my bae but thnx god for this blessing.

@softlighted / @lucklives : OH MY GOD KYLIE MY HEART LITERALLY BEATS FOR ONLY YOU !! i dont know what i’ve done in my life to deserve someone as precious and lovely as you but pff gosh i love you so much it’s insane ♥ you have always been such a joy, and are honestly beautiful both inside and out. you have such a way of lighting up the room, and whenever i talk to you i can’t help but smile an feel bliss because you just have that effect, when someone is by you it’s just impossible to not feel happy. you know what i’m sayin’ ? not to mention how talented you are .. your writing makes me wanna sit down and cry at how gorgeous and elegant and flowy it is !! YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION AND I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST ALWAYS YOU ARE MY DARLING ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT OKAY?!

@froghopped / @uglymind : how the fuck do i even begin this .. linnea is an enigma. on the real, you are amazing - at everything. all your canons; spot on. all your oc’s; how the fuck. your art; salvador is rolling in his grave. you as a whole; WOW !! i’ve followed you for so long, back in the day i had an izaya that we were mutuals on and that was YEARS ago i didn’t realise it was you until much later ( when we became mutuals on bo i think ) and i freaked the fuck out !! i have always admired you and how well you do what you do. more than that you are also such a fckn great person .. you’re so funny and such a joy to be around and i’m crying right now because I LUV U OKAY ;  -  ; 

@mindlesspurplegaze : okay so we don’t talk ooc much but i wanted to put ya here cos you were the first partner i ever had on this blog and thus you hold a very special place in my heart !! your writing is phenomenal and even though i’m a shit who can't keep up with my own threads, i really do stop and read through yours when i catch them on the dash because they’re so good !! you portray shinsou so well and are def my fave i am sending you a smoochin’ !!

// I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE SO GREAT AN TALENTED AND I WOULD DIE FOR YOU AND HOLD YOUR HAND // 

@redrioted / @jealousyridden / @miightymiidorii / @uila / @derivened / @infinityprodigy / @battlexfist / @incandesces / @amdience / @abysmalpyre / @anguisbred / @faustium / @kavalieres / @lone-red-lion / @locksfate / @iimperium / @ofexplodokills / @offliight / @ofshockwaves / @liquidlegacy / @litspoke / @reinepomme / @altruisticpower / @mercyheal / @creatiexsm / @phasedthrough / @dualborn / @heromight / @herofloat / @handrot / @prodigalwill / @chsskng / @inheritwill / @babybcts / @bookmans-lavi / @bubblyacidqueen / @unltedstatesofsmash / @ungcii / @izukusdeku / @mommighty / @izukx / @illslept / @ehreled / @sparkpluggcd / @villagerbee / @hemolovin / @nxcturnalhero / @numberwon / @jurioku / @gravitytouch / @enginium / @tastelesspride / @amplifical / @tenebrovs / @notfrail / @captivusborn / @sweaterquccn / @parasiticx / @coldtempered / @tensemask / @shogekiha / @deitydeceit / @oshikakei / @oszeus // AND I’M SORRY IF I FUCKN FORGOT TO ADD YOU TO THIS THING I’M A STRAIGHT UP FOOL A COMPLETE DUMBASS !! 

[franeridart]

Have you seen the head cannon where Kiri is the dragon Blasty has in the new bnha ending? (Love your work btw)

That’s kinda hard to miss, is it? Everyone and their grandmothers are making fanworks for it haha which I’ll be forever grateful for, actually, dragons are my #1 weakness and the more dragon!Kiri I have the happier I am (best version of it I’ve seen yet is syb’s but lbr she’s my fav artist and I’m weak) (also requirings has an ongoing comic series with those premises!!!! I’m living for it)

Anon said:Hey I loveeeeeeee your bnha fusion au and I was wondering if bakugou and midoriya's fusion is so unstable why do they even fuse in the first place? Sorry for bothering and thank you for being so great!!!

I mentioned this in the tags under that specific post already, but I guess repeating it won’t hurt, so! It happened during the End of Term Exam! (this is gonna be spoiler if you’re only watching the anime) All Might put them in the position where they ended up being forced to try, but it lasted less than 30 seconds before they broke apart - to set in somewhere in the canon exam... after Deku pulled Bakugou away but before their combined attack. Like, when they were coming up with a strategy to take All Might out they first tried fusing, but it just didn’t work and their time was too limited to try and force it.

Anyway if they were to try again now they’d probably last way longer, but at this point neither of them has felt the need to give it a try just yet haha 

Anon said: Mako and Taiyou are so adorable, i was curious about how exactly Katsuki and Eijiro decided to adopt them? Who was the one who first brought up the topic and how long did the adoption process take?

................................yall making me think this hard about this AU holy heck haha I guess Kirishima was the one to mention it out loud first, but it had been an idea they both had had already way more than once before - still took a while to convince Bakugou though, cause for however much he wanted it they’re still heroes, their job isn’t safe at all, you know. Having kids with that sort of life isn’t easy

For the same reason actually adopting Mako took longer than it would have taken in normal circumstances, and even after they finally managed to bring her home they still had social assistants coming around randomly to make sure she was safe and healthy and loved/cared for way more often and for way longer than other adopting couples did. They still come around now and again, just to make sure. Taiyou’s situation was way easier anyway, since all these kind of problems were already dealt with when they adopted Mako!

Anon said:you're like the only person i know who draws bakushimanari and i wanna thank you for that i mean your art is a damn blessing

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you oh my gods!!!!!!! glad you like my silly doods!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:Omg I love your art Fran, it's beautiful!!!!! I love all the same ships and I was wondering if you would ever draw smut between any of your ships?

THANK YOU!!!!! And nope, nothing that I’ll ever post, no, both my blogs are striktly sfw~

Anon said: Laven is love Laven is life. IF ONLY LAVI COULD COME BACK TO THE MANGA

SOON I hope - I feel like we’re getting Kanda back, next chapter or the one after (...since, like, what else’s there to be done if not regroup and leave that place?) and after Kanda’s back we already know they’re heading for where Bookman is, so!!!! As far as number of chapters goes, I feel like we’re finally sorta close to getting Lavi back! Then again, how long it’s gonna take before we get there in actual time that has to pass... that’s... unsure

Anon said:What program do you use for drawing? I love your artwork so much and I'm just learning my way around several different programs but still haven't pinned down what works best for me. So I was just curious about what you like working in best.

Easy Paint Tool SAI! It’s answered in my FAQ page~

Anon said:*crawling through the desert, trying to survive on little to no new bokuroo art ANYWHERE*

Yeah, might be because Kuroo’s been MIA in the manga, the anime isn’t airing, the fandom is sorta asleep in general, when one does post art for that ship either it gets no feedback or all it gets is #brotp #I don’t ship this but #best friendship ever tags which takes away from the fun of posting it a lot

You know, the usual reasons - next game is the Karasuno vs Nekoma tho! I’m hoping that’ll bring back my hype. Sadly the Inarizaki game doesn’t seem to want to end already, what can we do

Anon said: I was wondering if you could draw shinsou hitoshi (you don't have to of course) I think he would look nice in your style btw. your art is amazing and you seem like a lovely person ;))) have a nice dayy

Thank you!!!!! And I already have!!! here, here and here~ I hope you’ll have a great day too!!!!

Anon said:If you wanna read the bungou stray dogs manga I recommend following @dazaiscans here on tumblr. They are responsible for translating and posting the latest updated chapters of the manga

Thanks for the info!!!!!! I’ll look into that next time I feel like starting something new :O

[kitty-bandit]

☆Writer Asks☆

This was a ‘Get to know the author’ meme on twitter. Originally, you were supposed to answer a question if you got so many likes, but screw that. Let me just answer this ALL for you and tag some of my writing friends.

1. Explain your AO3 handle.

KittyBandit has been my handle forever. It’s rather self-explanatory. I like cats and I’m a bandit. I’m also possibly a cat? And perhaps I will steal myself one day...

2. Favorite fanfiction trope?

Do I have to pick just one? I suppose if we’re going to pick the trope I’m utterly devastated by every damn time, it’s Friends to Lovers Slow Burn.

3. Favorite place to write?

I prefer to write at home where I can be comfortable and have access to my teapot. Specifically, I like writing in my room, because I feel like it’s the best place I can turn off the rest of the world and focus. (Though, I do wish I had an office for that. Writing in bed can sometimes lead to me just falling asleep at the computer. XD)

4. Favorite ships in your current fandom?

Current fandom that I have my grubby little fingers in is D.Gray-man, and as always, I’m on the Laven train. But I’m also here for Lucky, Lucky Poker, Yulma, and a few rarepairs that have my heart at the moment. (Particularly Lavi x Link and Tyki x Alma, the latter thanks to @faeriexqueen)

5. What are your steps to get into the Writing Mood™?

I have to set up my writing area (either in my bed, on the couch, or at the dining room table) with my laptop, pillows, charge cords and (if it’s winter) a blanket and my fingerless knit gloves. I’ll make tea (either green or oolong, unsweetened), and I’ll light a candle or two to set the mood. When I’m ready to go, I put on some music or nature sounds (currently I’m heavily into the Skyrim SDTK or Emancipator for my writing music) and get to it!

6. What program/app do you use to write?

I use Scrivener on my laptop and googledocs on my phone.

7. List your zodiac sign, favorite ice cream flavor, Hogwarts House, and your opinion on pineapple pizza.

Scorpio/ Green tea ice cream/ Hufflepuff/ and pineapple never belongs on a pizza you heathens.

8. Link us a fanfic that made you cry.

I’m not one to actually cry over fanfics, but The Hurricane in His Veins by @saltyshiro actually did have one scene that made me cry when I read it. It was so emotional and hit me so deeply that I just broke down.

9. Link us a fanfic that made you laugh.

Okay, I know I said this before, but A Rough Patch by @errantknightess actually had me crying I was laughing so hard.

10. Link us a fanfic that left you in complete awe at the writer’s ability.

To be fair, there are a lot of people I admire, their writing far superior to my own. But one fic that hit me hard a while ago was Almost There by @errantknightess. I fell in love with that fic and her writing style instantly.

11. List your kinks.

Uhhhh all of them? We might be here all night. XD

But for real: A/B/O Dynamics; Dirty Talk; Mpreg; Breeding Kink; Dom/Sub Dynamics; Biting (as if the million vamp fics I’ve written wasn’t proof enough of that one xD); Roleplay; Sex Pollen; etc, etc...

12. How do you come up with your ideas?

They... just come to me??? Honestly, I will get inspired by almost anything. It usually has to do with something happening to me or a friend. (I wrote Bibliophile because I was stuck at work during a snow storm.) Sometimes I see a prompt and delve into a new AU from there. Sometimes I hear a song and the lyrics might hit me deeply. Sometimes I’m just talking with friends online and get inspired by the direction our fandom chat takes. Inspiration can really come from anywhere.

13. How do you implement said ideas into a cohesive narrative?

Oh boy. This is a hard question. I guess once the idea is set, I figure out the plot? I mean, it is definitely more difficult than that, but that’s basically it? I will think of where I want the story to go, major plot points, the ending, which characters I want in it, and then when I have that all floating around in my brain, I write out my plotline from there, filling in gaps where I can and working out plotholes.

14. What are your working on right now? Share a little snippet or a description.

Currently, I’m working on what has been affectionately dubbed the “Delinquent AU” for NaNoWriMo. It’s a HS AU with Lucky Poker and Yulma as the main pairings. Here’s a little snippet from what I have written so far (obviously unbeta’d):

As the week progressed, it became apparent how dull public school was. Lavi hadn’t realized it until the first few days passed, but the slow, monotonous rhythm never seemed to change. Day in and day out, he had the same classes, the same lectures, and saw the same people. Even then, he could’ve gotten over  it if the work was not so dreadfully boring. Nothing his teachers gave him challenged him in the least—the only exception being art class, where he came to the painful realization that he couldn’t draw a stick figure to save his life. Alma had attempted to help him, but the more they tried, the more frustrated Lavi had become. He would’ve quit the damned class if it wouldn’t make Alma cry for ditching Kanda and them. The only intriguing thing about school thus far had been his interactions with the bold candy thief—Allen Walker.

Allen never spoke to him, but Lavi would’ve been a fool not to realize he’d caught his attention. He always entered the classroom just as the bell rang, rarely bothering to bring his textbooks or even a writing utensil, and each time he sat next to Lavi, he gave the redhead an amused look. Lavi was convinced the only reason Allen had even acknowledged his presence was because of their interaction at the convenience store, as fleeting as it had been.

Lavi had done his best to ignore it, but a bored mind liked to play games with itself. And the current game playing in Lavi’s head was a repeat of “What the fuck is Allen Walker’s deal?”

Tagging: @errantknightess; @faeriexqueen; @titty-now-titty-later; @candy-crackpot; @spiccan; @kashyurio; @silentium-nightshade; @tykipomme; @thefearofcod; @ninfia; And anyone else who would like to do this!

[theangriestpea]

Mercy Killing

TW/CW: sexual assault mention, violence, trauma, victim blaming

A/N: You'll see victim blaming from both SP and Lav. Remember they are both teenagers that have never been in the situation before. Have likely never been taught how to handle this kind of situation either. While they both seem to think it is Lav's fault for what happened, I want to reiterate that that is not what I think. It is not her fault. It is never the victim's fault, I don't care what the circumstances are. 

Chapter Two: Ugliness

Lavender hurt. She hurt a lot. So much that Fangs practically carried her to her trailer once she was discharged. Lorraine had to help her get dressed and that was a slow process. She knew she’d need help putting clothes on, taking clothes off, hell even taking a bath. Luckily she figured she could ask Toni on the really rough days and just take some of the Oxy the doctor had prescribed her on days she was alone. FP let her know that he called her job to let them know that she’d been in an accident and the extent of her injuries. She had a doctor’s excuse as well for two weeks. The doctor even mentioned that if she didn’t feel healed up enough after that then he’d write her another one. That was just when her follow up appointment was.

“Alright Lavie, we have to go up the stairs.” Fangs said, easing her out of his truck. It was awkward as hell sitting between him and Sweet Pea, luckily she was small enough to fit between both broad shouldered boys. Lav groaned, the prospect sounding horrible. “Do I have to?” Sweet Pea rolled his eyes. “Would you rather I throw you over my shoulder?” Fangs asked in a fake sweet voice. “I have three broken ribs!” Lav bit back, “You’ll crack them even more!” Fangs laughed, “Which is why you need to go up there yourself. It’s four steps.” She looked up at the daunting set of stairs. “You’ll stay by my side…?” She heard Sweet Pea snort behind them. Lav looked over her shoulder to glare daggers at him. She looked more like an angry raccoon than a threat with her black eyes and swollen nose.

“Yes, I’ll be right here. I’ll even unlock the door for you.” Fangs said sweetly, she wondered briefly why he wasn’t named Sweet Pea instead. Sweet Pea was agitated. He tried to understand that she was in a lot of pain but he also didn’t get why she didn’t just work through it like any other Serpent would. He felt like she was fully taking advantage of Fangs’ kindness and that didn’t sit well with him. She had done nothing but whine since they got out of the hospital. Of course he always had a feeling she was an entitled princess, now he just had evidence of it. He clenched and unclenched his fists to keep from snapping at her.

Pea felt sorry for what had happened to her, he really did, but this was just too much. He dreaded the thought of being alone with her which he knew was going to happen eventually. They had agreed on shifts throughout the night although Fangs seemed reluctant to agree to it. Sweet Pea just knew that he had to help his mom take care of his little sister on the nights that she worked late. Tonight was going to be one of those nights. Lavender and Fangs made it up the stairs without much trouble. She had to stop to breathe through the ache of her bruised and cut thighs. The tension on the stitches she had on a few of the gashes there seemed to increase tenfold whenever she put weight on her legs. Worst of all she knew she couldn’t take anything for pain for another four hours. Fangs managed to get her inside and Sweet Pea reluctantly followed after them into the single wide. He’d never actually been inside before. The layout was similar to his own, which wasn’t surprising. There were only so many ways to arrange a small trailer.  He had seen the house she grew up in on the Northside. It was two-story, spacious. It was made a brick. Sweets didn’t know much but he knew that her mother had left, selling the house and taking the money to live elsewhere. Lav was forced to live with her father here on the Southside. This had been his trailer before he passed. Rhodes had been one hell of a Serpent. He taught Sweet Pea everything he knew about switchblades. Made him wonder why Lav didn’t have one on her when the Ghoulies attacked her. Come to think of it, he had never actually seen her carry one.

Fangs got her to the worn pleather couch where Lavender heaved a somewhat over-dramatic sigh. Her eyes lost focus as she stared at the wall with a frown on her face. Both boys glanced at one another, sharing a confused look before Fangs waved a hand in front of her face. “Lavie, come back to the Earth, alien princess.” Her gaze focused in on his moving hand. A pout formed on her lips as she looked at him. “Is Toni working tonight?” “Yea, why?” Fangs asked, wondering why his answer made her look so crestfallen. “No reason.” She said, though in truth she had wanted help in taking a bath. She felt so fucking dirty, like she’d never get clean again. The memory of the sensation of Ghoulie hands roaming over her body made her want to heave. Lav had hoped that she’d be able to have some help in getting some of the dried blood off of her. She needed fresh bandages put on and there were places she did not want Fangs or Sweet Pea – God, especially Sweet Pea – to see. He felt his eyes boring into her like two well-aimed lasers. Cutting away at her already ripped skin. “Take a fucking picture, Sweet Pea.” She finally hissed out. Sweet Pea scoffed lightly as he looked away from her, “why? I know what a wounded raccoon looks like.” He said coldly, earning an elbow in the ribs from Fangs who looked less than pleased. Lavender steeled her features to keep her hurt from showing. She knew she looked ugly, hell she felt even uglier. The last thing she needed was for him to tell her that. The amount of physical pain was considerable, but it didn’t match the fractioning pieces of her heart that only splintered more at his comment. Not that she even cared what he thought. Fuck him, he was just an asshole. “How about Sweet Pea goes and picks us up Pop’s for dinner?” Fangs offered. Lavender hadn’t felt like eating. Since she hadn’t been able to brush her teeth, she could still taste vomit in the back of her throat. Despite knowing food would help with her medication, she didn’t want to eat. Didn’t want to even think about food. “No thanks, Fogarty. I’m not hungry.” Fangs’ face fell slightly. He had hoped a milkshake would cheer her up a little, make her feel better. “You need to go anyway, Fangs.” Sweet Pea reminded him, “Your mom is working tonight.” “Oh shit.” Fangs muttered, “I totally forgot.” The girl’s eyes narrowed at her friend, “you’re not staying?” She was already feeling nauseous from the thought of being alone with Sweet Pea. First Toni couldn’t come help her and now Fangs? She was dreading just being alive at this point.

Fangs gave her a sympathetic look, “I have to watch Gingersnap for my mom. Don’t worry, Sweets will take care of you. That really nice nurse wrote down everything we need to do to make sure you feel better.” He dug through the bag they had gotten from the hospital to show her neatly handwritten notes. “When to take your meds, when to change your bandages. Everything!” He grinned at her, praying that it would be contagious. It wasn’t. “I’m not excited about this either, princess.” Sweet Pea drawled, crossing his muscular arms over his chest. He still wasn’t looking at her. She wondered for a moment why he hated her so much. What she had ever done to him to deserve the treatment she was getting. Whatever. She’d do this without him. Fangs checked the time on his phone and cursed. “I’ve got to go. I’ll text you to make sure you’re still alive, okay? And as soon as my mom gets home I’ll come right back. Keep the door locked and listen to Sweet Pea, okay?” “Why do I have to listen to him? He’s a jerk.” Lavender grumbled, holding her ribs as she stood up. Her legs shook under here and both boys were sure she was going to fall right back down. She looked like a fawn just after birth, ready to collapse at any moment. After a moment she steadied herself and did her best to stand up straight, stretching to full height as if that would do anything to help her case. She was still shorter than both Fangs and Sweet Pea, but hell everyone was shorter than Sweet Pea. Even Lucifer himself, Lavender mused silently. Fangs like out a tired sigh. He had hardly slept at all last night and it showed. Lav only slept thanks to the sedatives they pumped her full of. She was wishing she had some more just to help cope. “Because you can barely stand on your own.” Lavender let out an offended huff. Her jaw clenched as she willed herself to brush past both of them and to her room. “Screw you!” She spat before walking into the room and slamming the door. Once by herself tears pricked her eyes and she had to put a hand over her mouth to keep the sob from coming out. She had always been independent. Even as a little girl. She would be damned if she started depending on anyone now. Her back was against the door as she steadied her breathing to keep from crying. A few rogue tears went down her face as she made her way to her bed. Slowly she eased herself down to her soft mattress, laying down to bury her face into her pillow and finally cry.

*~~~~~~~~~~~*

Hours later the alarm on Sweet Pea’s phone went off. He hadn’t heard a single sound from Lav’s bedroom, and he wondered if she was even still awake or if she had actually gotten hungry. He was but the only thing he found in her kitchen cabinets were spaghetti noodles and Little Debbie Swiss rolls. How did she not have any fucking food? He grabbed the gauze and medical tape that FP had bought as well as the antibiotic ointment from the pharmacy. This was going to be like pulling teeth and Pea knew it. Still, it had to get done. The giant went to her door and knocked on it three times, waiting a beat before opening the door. He flipped on the light switch by the door, a lucky guess on his part, and looked over at her. She was awake, staring into space again with that far out look in her eyes. They flickered to him for a moment and he could tell she’d been crying. It made him feel awkward. He never knew what to do when girls cried. He was shit at comforting them, unlike Fangs who always seemed to know what to do or say. Perks of having a little sister, he guessed. Sweet Pea walked over to her. The floor creaked under his weight and her eyes snapped to him suddenly hyper focused. “What are you doing?” She asked, her voice low but not hostile. The fight had been beaten out of her and the pathetic look she was giving him sent a pang of guilt through his chest. It only lasted a moment before disappearing. “It’s time to redress your cuts.” He said, “And time to take your medicine.” He set down a bottle of water on the bedside table next to her face. Lav struggled to lift herself up into a sitting position. A groan of pain left her pink lips as the movement caused strain on her worn muscles. Everything ached, especially her ribs. Lying so incredibly still hadn’t been so bad, though breathing did cause a dull throbbing in her torso. Her expanding lungs seem to press against the fractured bones painfully which made her resort to shallow breathing. Still she wanted to wash herself but that was out of the question. There was no way in hell she was getting naked in front of Sweet Pea and having him help ease her into the bath tub. Not that she even thought he’d agree to that. It occurred to her that she had to have been in a state of undress when Fangs and Pea found her last night. The thought sending a sickening feeling through her. If only she hadn’t looked so weak in front of them. How was she ever going to prove her strength now? It shouldn’t have bothered her. She was in her underwear in front of all of the Serpents the night she did her initiation dance. It was different when it was voluntary. Sweets was boring holes into her yet again, aggravating her. “I’m not going to do it with you in here…” She mumbled to him, her voice hardening again. “Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart. I’ve already seen all there is to see.” Sweet Pea said, not really trusting her to be able to handle herself. A horrified look past over Lav’s face at his words. Then she chided herself for even thinking he’d look at her like that. “You can barely sit up, how are you going to do this by yourself?” Her head turned away from him as she started to slowly undo the buttons on the grey and green flannel she was wearing. She could feel his eyes on her as she slipped her shirt off and she quickly hugged herself with her arms, feeling way too exposed. “Your pants.” He reminded her when she didn’t move from her position. Lav shot him an annoyed, defiant look which honestly amused Sweet Pea more than anything. Lav still didn’t move, “I’m not taking off my pants, you can forget it.” Sweets took an intimidating step towards her, suddenly making her feel very small. “The worst cuts are on your thighs.” He said, having known because he had seen them. He also overheard the nurse telling FP that she had the most stitches there. She was lucky they didn’t hit an artery. She almost crumbled before him in humiliation, “I can’t…I need help.” She muttered. He had barely heard her.   He rolled his eyes and got down on his knees in front of her, setting the bag with the medical supplies down. His hands moved to the waistband of her black sweatpants and Lav felt tears come to her eyes. She tried to swallow them back, tried to remind herself that this was Sweet Pea. He was a total dick but he wasn’t going to hurt her. Not on purpose. “W-wait.” She stammered as his fingers brushed against the bare flesh of her hips. He looked up at her with what she could have sworn was tenderness in his eyes. It was gone for a moment before dissolving into two brown pools devoid of emotion. Sweet Pea waited until she was ready. He knew this had to be hard for her and FP had warned both him and Fangs not to push her too hard. He wanted to get this done and over with but at the same time…there was a small part of him that didn’t want to send her over the edge so soon after the attack. Lavender took a few shallow breaths. She leaned back on her good hand and lifted up her hips for him. “Okay.” She said softly and he slowly slid the fabric down to just below her knees. Her entire body was shaking and Pea thought that maybe he should say something to try and calm her down. Except, he didn’t know at all what to say. He slowly took off the bandages around her thighs, unwrapping the gauze and setting it to the side of him. He dug through the bag to grab the antibiotic ointment for her. Once it was open, he broke the seal and put some on his large index finger. Lavie braced herself for pain, figuring Sweets was going to be as rough as he usually is in how he does everything. To her surprise he used every ounce of restraint in him to softly glide the ointment over the stitched up gashes along her thighs. It would have been something close to erotic if it had been anyone other than this giant jerk. She studied his face, his lips were pressed together into a hard line and his eyes were focused on the task before him. He couldn’t help but look over the finger-shaped purple bruises that marred her pale skin. His digits lingered on her for only a second before he pulled away from his work. Lav let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. His eyes finally glanced up to meet hers. There was anger in them. Burning like simmering coals in a dying fire. She wondered what she had done to piss him off so suddenly when just a moment ago there was nothing but apathy in his gaze. “You’re a dumbass.” Sweet Pea said, fury still sizzling in the back of his mind. His voice was harsher than he had intended, but he needed her to know. But Lavender didn’t need the blame placed on her by someone else right now, she had been doing that enough herself. A tear escaped her blue-green eye and stumbled down her cheek. “I know.” She choked out, hating to say out loud that this was her fault. She put her own self in this situation. Sweet Pea didn’t have a response to that. His eyes flickered to the lip that she was biting hard to keep from giving in to her emotions. He picked up a gauze pad and placed it along her biggest cut. He taped in into place before moving to some of the small ones. He only looked back up at her when he was finished. Lavender leaned back once more, lifting her hips again and he carefully pulled her pants back up for her like he had done the night before. He ignored her sigh of relief when they were secured in place. With her legs wrapped, he moved to her stomach. Repeating the process of taking off the old bandages, putting the medication on them, and rewrapping them all with a softness that she had never seen from him before. At least, not towards her. Maybe towards Toni or Fangs but definitely not towards her. Luckily there were no actual cuts on her ribcage itself so he didn’t need to undo the thick cloth bandages that were wrapped around them. He took the bandage off the cut on her left breast. Luckily he could access it without her having to take her bra off. That would have been a hard no for her. She winced when the adhesive of the tape pulled on her sensitive skin, and she could have sworn that she heard something akin to an apology leave his mouth. She couldn’t be sure, his voice had been so muted.   Once again he found his fingers tracing over the mixture of black, purple, and pink bruising across her skin. It looked almost like a galaxy etched into her soft flesh. Lav stared hard at the frown on his face. She mistook it for disgust. Of course she looked disgusting. Her skin wasn’t the right color, it was swollen, sensitive, and cut to ribbons in some places. Pea made quick work of the bandages on her breast. Her right one had been untouched. He found it odd that the Ghoulies didn’t try to do something with her tattoo which he could mostly see on the exposed part of her chest. The bottom tip was covered by the pink fabric of her bra. He realized now why she wanted Toni. She didn’t want him to be touching her like this and it was easy to guess why. He was oblivious sometimes but he wasn’t a total idiot. Lavender pulled her shirt back up onto her shoulders and started to button it back up again. She was trying to ignore his presence and was doing a fairly good job until he felt his hand cup the wounded side of her face. He gingerly peeled back the medical tape that secured the gauze pad in place. She watched him with another baited breath. Four cuts disfigured what he begrudgingly thought was a beautiful face. Her freckles hidden by the vast collection of bruises.

With a touch even lighter than before, he dressed the cuts on her face before applying another pad and taping it into place. Once done he slammed down the pill bottles onto her bedside table from inside the bag. “Take these.” He practically growled out before storming out. He was so volatile. Tender in one moment and rough in the next. It threw her for a loop as she played with the medicine bottles. She managed to open them with much difficulty since one wrist was in a cast. Once she got the lids off she took the prescribed dose and swallowed it down with a splash of water. Her stomach growled in protest but she ignored it. All she wanted to do was sleep and forget all about the volcanic serpent in her living room.

[icharchivist]

Oh no I agree w/you on not being hard on fans who think differently. One of the reasons I like fan discussions is to read other people's thoughts and try to understand where the ones I disagree w/are coming from. That's just my personal view and reading of the character. I think lately the stress has been getting to Chaoji so he's extra harsh and that's going to be unattractive to Allen's friends. I also think he's wording things the wrong way. It'd be better if he said I'll fight the Noah -

2 instead of I'll fight Allen or telling Allen's friends to forget about him. In this way Chaoji is, whether he means to or not, making it sound like Allen is JUST a Noah. Which.... Is actually a interesting thought. What does the average person think how a Noah works? Does he think Allen is 100% gone now? *shrugs* Either way agree to disagree on some parts. I have no probs w/fans so forgive me if it sounded I was harsh to them. I was just naming of groups I saw and thought it was interesting.

Ahh alright, sorry then for the lecture! it’s fine, don’t worry now that it’s cleared up. 

I think i’m getting a little paranoid of some fandom arguments? especially when it starts to involve how some fans react to some controversial events. Bigger fandoms have been so filled with dramas (there had been a lot of push back against people liking not pure uwu characters that i get defensive at the idea of judging how someone may approach a controversial character they may like) i tend to end up having red flags over silly things i would probably have used myself a few years back. 

Your argument was fine, and honestly pretty mild in that term, i guess i’ve just had seen enough more virulent argument to be a little.. *alarms bells* upon reading some vague keywords. 

So my point is, my bad, i’ve got a little defensive there and judged your ask too harshly. I apologize.

Now back to the topic, yeah agreed on Chaoji. I honestly think Chaoji doesn’t know what details makes a Noah? I mean, the Order didn’t know before Road made her introduction and the Bookmen had to explain to them a few things. No one knows what it is like to turn into a Noah, no one knows about the awakened memories, and hell, the 14th is already a specific sort of Noah (i say it with all the love, but Nea isn’t a Noah Memory like Joyd is, he’s a parasite inside Allen’s body: his own being, not a memory that awoke in Allen, so even that when you know Noah’s development logic, is weird)

Chaoji didn’t become an exorcist until after the Ark’s arc and no one had any reasons too explain to that random crew man who was just helping carrying Lenalee around what little secrets they had learn about the Noah. So I think Chaoji still sees them as “they control the Akuma, they are rotten to the core, and once they turn there’s no come back”, perhaps projecting what he knows of the Akuma (which in which case is true, once an akuma, the only thing you can do is kill them with innocence for salvation - no attempt to really save them. Which makes me think, Chaoji did know Chomesuke- i think he wasn’t developped enough to have a reaction to him, but the fact Chomesuke had to destroy himself bc he couldn’t resist to its nature anymore might have added to this argument that there is no salvation for Dark Matter). 

For Chaoji I really don’t think he had the time to know about Noah stuff, and everything we know about how Noah comes to be come from Noah’s POV, so not something the Order may know, let alone a stubborn exorcist who hates them by principle. Allen tends to extend his compassion to non-humans because in a way... if he had seen Mana as non human the moment he would have turned him as an Akuma i think Allen couldn’t have stand it. (also i ended up mixing up with FMA but that reminded me of how Ed refused to kill the armor guys in the Lab 5 even when they kept saying they weren’t human anymore, because if he did so it would just imply that his brother isn’t human either and that it’s his fault that it is like that. I think the same reasoning can be applied to Allen @ the Akuma and extend to the Noah as long as the Noah are on the “side” of the Akuma. Ironically though considering “Mana” ended up becoming a Noah. Well. Always was, but you get my point)

Meanwhile the only strong feeling we’ve seen from an exorcist @ the Noah for being a Noah, was Kanda saying that since they are humans (which Skinn repeated) then they could be killed. Which i personally always took as a reassurance on Kanda’s part of reclaiming his own humanity and Alma’s, since they were denied it as kids and perhaps the only thing that, after all the horrors Alma had done, that made him human was that Kanda could kill him. Kanda asserting the Noah’s humanity in order to convince himself that death is part of humanity would, if i’m correct, be a sort of projection to protect that memory and identity, the same way Allen projects on others. 

But for the others, Lenalee had never hesitated around the Noah, even upon meeting Road, she quickly fought back. Lavi has a bad experience with Noah but he’s neutral enough to care more about what Allen wants in the end (when Allen wants to rescue Tyki the whole thing is about “the guys at the Order will look badly at it but if you think it’s important...” and not “why you do want to rescue the guy i wanted to kill a few hours ago”)Then there’s mainly Krory with the twins (and Lenalee to an extend) and I think there was too much irritation going on about them being brats more than them being Noah that went on there. 

But from Chaoji’s point of view who knew nothing about them, had spent his life hating the dark matter for taking what he loved, he saw.... Well Tyki playing with Lavi’s grief and threatening Lenalee, before trapping them in the Ark and trying to kill Allen, he’s seen Skinn  attack everyone and they then left Kanda behind with him, he’s been here a huge chuck of the Jasdebi fight just to see the Twins being Absolute Disaster Making You Lose Faith In Anything They Ever Represent (And It Happens To Be The Noah This Time) (did i ever mention that i love those stupid twins? I love them. They’re so dumb.), Road destroying Lavi’s mind and torturing Allen into forcing him to destroy Lavi, and finally the Lullubel attack on the Order that killed a huge amount of people. And if we extend the timeline to when he could have caught up his next meeting with the Noah in the Alma arc made him KO, kidnapped Lavi and Bookman who are now thought dead, and Fiidora’s parasites tortured him when he was powerless to save Lavi and Bookman, which might add some feeling of guilt there by the by. 

Without understanding of the Noah he just saw... the sheer destruction they brought along with them.

So Allen saying “I might become a Noah and you will have to kill me” - well I think seeing how horrible the Noah had been up to this point was enough for Chaoji to think that if Allen became one, it would override all of the good qualities Allen had. After all he has never seen the Noah before they became Noah.

Tbh It makes me even wonder if being introducted to Tyki in his human form (and Road to her human form as well but it’s more minor than how they befriended Tyki before that) may have made more possible for Allen to want to try to see that humanity. Because he saw this humanity with how Tyki behaved with his friends. More than just... hearing about “Oh apparently he has friends” that Chaoji would have heard from Allen, Lavi and Krory’s reaction upon meeting Tyki again. 

In a way, the fact Krory also has this association adding to how much he cares for Allen to relativise the way “becoming a Noah” might affect Allen - in a way Chaoji cannot. Because Krory saw Tyki having seemingly meaningful friendships with humans so, becoming a Noah wouldn’t come out as completely monstruous for him a way someone who just know the Noah might. (that, and also how his love for Eliade was serious and might make him more willing to believe in that humanity, even if Eliade told him in the end that she was just using him. Krory didn’t know she was lying - but he might hold on to that feeling).

So adding to all of Chaoji’s unchecked prejudice, there is this complete unknown over people he had only known as cruel. He has never seen their humanity the way Lavi, Krory, Kanda and Allen has. Then again yeah it doesn’t excuse anything because Miranda and Lenalee for exemple are in the same situation having suffered first hand from tortures from, well, Road for exemple, but trusting Allen above all while just as much in the dark. Even if depending how much the infos Bookman gave came to Miranda and Lenalee before Chaoji joined the Exorcist Group.

So that ended up being a lot of rambling dkjhfd but my point is that therefore, Allen is the one to see the humanity of the Noah the most, Krory and Lavi has reason to at least know personally Tyki’s human side to doubt how the Noah’s cruelty works, Kanda had had how he met with Skinn to approach it, else every exorcists before Chaoji was recruited might have heard a bit from Bookman but that’s it. Any other sort of acknowledging this humanity would come with trusting Allen. Which Chaoji doesn’t. 

And no one knows what “becoming a Noah” is like. And while Chaoji wasn’t there and i’m certain Lveille lied, but Allen did have a swift change of behavior and personality at least twice in the Alma’s arc for everyone to see (when talking to the Earl + when Kanda stabbed him). Even Johnny saw that. A second hand retelling could just convince Chaoji “well perhaps he had no control and it doesn’t matter what kind of person he was - once a Noah, you become a monster” and that could be enough.

That was a lot of ramble i’m so sorry dkjhfd but yeah. It’s a mess. 

And it’s just... there’s no way Chaoji can know. All he could do would be to trust Allen. Even seeking for answers isn’t exactly a position Chaoji is in, even if it would be preferable if he did question what he thought so far (like the others do) rather than just thinking “yup, he’s a goner, i’ll fight him”

if that makes any sense kdjhfd

idk Chaoji’s perspective is kinda fascinating to me. I dislike that he has it and doesn’t question it, but it’s fascinating to see how being emotionally disconnected from every elements we have ended up caring about can make someone like this. It really shows the price of emotional investment for me to see how Chaoji behave. He’s kinda the Counter-audience in that regard. And that’s what makes him fascinating, for as much as i dislike him as a person ahah. 

[isweartoerenimnotjaeger]

Check out this playlist on @8tracks: Lavi Bookman (Lyrical Songs) by AlexStriker47.

-Quickly and nervously throws this in the tags and runs away- Hope you enjoy and it’s not too painful!

First of all, sorry for the bad grammar and run on sentences that may pop up. Second of all, this is the very first playlist I ever put together, ‘criticism’ is welcomed. Hate, especially on the song or band because ‘insert problematic thing band has done’ is not welcomed. I focused on lyrics and the feel of the song. I know my song choices are probably not the same as what you would’ve chosen for Lavi and that’s okay. This is just sort of what I feel is Lavi. If that makes sense.

This sort of ties both to canon!Lavi and my ModernAU!Lavi which is why some songs may feel a bit ooc. Some parts of this playlist may point to possible ships. My intention was to leave this completely ambiguous for all ships (or at least try to, now that I think of it there are a helluva lot pointing towards Allen. Oopsie. Sorry. Blame it on the fact they’re my BROTP I guess). This is Lavi’s playlist in which it is lyric heavy (I have another one coming up that is not lyric heavy and is more nature/introspective/ambient.) Under the cut are the songs I have used, why I have used them, why I have placed them the way I did, as well as some Lavi musings/quotes/ song lyrics (musings will be heavier in my second playlist, not so much in this one. This one is heavy on the quotes and lyrics. Sorry. Next one will be a lot more creative; I promise).

With that, I hope you enjoy. Special thank you to all the 8tracks playlists I listened to. They helped me get a feel for him a lot better. Some songs are included from other playlists. Special thanks to 7hereticprinciples for their input as well. Included is the 8tracks link. If you’d wish for access to my youtube playlist, please send me an ask or pm me.

For the most part this playlist was a bit difficult to place songs with. My game plan was to set songs that were faster and more upbeat together. I wanted to do the same with the slower songs as well. However, I also wanted to have some sort of flow going. The beginning of the playlist is supposed to be centered on Lavi’s thoughts and his ‘being’ for the lack of a better term. Later on, in the playlist it’s supposed to show him struggling to maintain distance as he begins to form bonds with the people he’s supposed observe.

I know the songs themselves may seem very back and forth at times, but I think that’s a good way to show his internal struggle. I also know some songs seem to draw out, for instance I have three songs dealing with love (not feeling, not being able to reciprocate, etc). For that I am sorry. I just didn’t know where else to place them and it felt like this was the best fit. As for the two last songs I added, one is to provide the idea that no matter how hard Lavi tries he will always be ‘human’ he will have to continually fight it. The last song is to represent hope (Von is the Icelandic word for hope), whether it be for the war’s end, Allen’s and the other exorcist’s survival, or humanity’s overall survival.

Oshakashama (Translated as Buddah)- Radwimps

I chose this song specifically because I thought the lyrics fit Lavi’s thought processes towards humans quite well. It really takes on the outlook of how stupid humanity can be and how irrational our actions are. The lyrics are very detached sounding. If we are being real, a lot of exorcists go through doubting God and I’m certain Lavi would more than likely do the same. Since the song is in Japanese, I provided the link to the english lyrics.

https://lyricstranslate.com/en/oshakashama-%E3%81%8A%E3%81%97%E3%82%83%E3%81%8B%E3%81%97%E3%82%83%E3%81%BE-buddha.html

Wolf- Now Now

“Why Lavi? You’re Lavi number 49. You’re supposed to be just like me. Why aren’t you like the other 48 Lavis? Why are you different? Why are you having so much trouble number 49? Well…? Shall we take a different number? Don’t you want to be a bookman anymore!? Can you take it number 49…Lavi Bookman? Can you take it? Or do you have to be destroyed? You’re changing…you have to get out of here…”

Iron- Woodkid

“War is sorrowful. The flames of war burned away life and dreams and bonds, leaving behind countless sorrows. So sorrow gives birth to tragedy. And tragedy gives birth to Akuma. Lavi is my 49th name. That’s how many battles I’ve seen. Why are human beings always fighting wars…?” -Lavi Bookman

Renegade- Paramore

Renegade- a person who deserts and betrays an organization, country, or set of principles.

Devit: What? Is he from the tribe of the Bookman? They’re working for your side now, eh?

Komui: Welcome to the black order.

Try not to make waves. I know we’re going to be here for awhile…

Realty- Lost Frequencies

Special thank you to 7hermiticprinciples for this suggestion! This feels very much like Lavi and I think it depicts the life of a traveler/Bookman/wanderer perfectly. Especially when you’ve already detached yourself from the meddling of humans. I’d think it would be very freeing.

Who Are You Really- Mikky Ekko

“In time I no longer knew whether my smile was genuine or an act.” Lavi Bookman.

Who exactly am I? Am I still a Bookman? Or not? Should I stay as Lavi or create number 50? Am I Lavi? I am not like the other 48 Lavis. Why? Why am I different? The old man’s words became harder to remember…

Not in Love- Crystal Castles

(This one was a bit of a weird choice for Lavi and I almost thought about not including it, but the force was strong with this one. My Lavi muse would not let me budge.) “I won’t give you my heart. No one lives there anymore…I’m not in love…I’m not in love….I’m not in love…I have no need for feelings….”

Love, Love, Love- Of Monsters And Men

“Well maybe I’m a crook for stealing your heart away. Yeah, maybe I’m a crook for not caring for it. Yeah maybe I’m a bad, bad, bad person. Well baby I know.” “Cause you love, love, love, when you know I can’t love. You love, love, love when you know I can’t love. You love, love, love when you know I can’t love you.”

Heart of Stone-Iko

I feel like this song would be one of the other D Gray Man characters towards Lavi. Definitely an OTP song.

“When you’re here with me. You’re not here with me. I just can’t forget you and your heart of stone.”

Hurt- Johnny Cash

“I never thought of you people as my friends, I’m the next Bookman and that’s all I am.” -Lavi Bookman

“I will let you down. I will make you hurt. I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar’s chair. Full of broken thoughts I can’t repair.”

Breath of Life- Florence and The Machine

“I was looking for a breath of life. A little touch of heavenly light, but all the choirs in my head sang no….Whose side am I on, whose side am I? Whose side am I on, whose side am I?”

Numbers- Daughter

“I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom. I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom. I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom. I feel numb. I feel numb in this kingdom.”

Message To Bears- Mountains

I added this song because it just feels so…wandery. It makes me feel like something I’d listen to walking down my gravel road to nowhere, aimlessly. I sort of imagine Lavi wanting to run away sometimes from being a Bookman in this song (even if he is proud to be one and wants to be one). Maybe he’d take his special someone with him? I hope so.

Human- Daughter

A Bookman must always struggle with his heart. His human side. You may have won this time Bookman Junior, but how long can you struggle with the human deep inside of you?

Von- Yoko Kanno ft. Arnor Dan

A song from a cold place. A song of hope. This is an Icelandic song that is a personal favorite of mine from the anime Terror in Resonance. I couldn’t resist adding it because while the song is chilling, the lyrics speak of hope (von). Hope for humanity’s survival.

https://lyricstranslate.com/en/von-hope.html

I didn’t expect to have this done so soon haha. I hope you all enjoyed it. My second Lavi playlist will take a bit longer and the descriptions are going to be longer since I want to try and make a story (centric around nature if possible) around each song. So far, it’s reaching up to 16 tracks. If it goes above 20, I will split it and create a third, especially if the second one I have planned gets popular. Please check out all the bands and support them. Also watch Terror in Resonance. It is truly a beautiful anime, one of the best I have seen. Thank you very much.