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dmitri-smerdyakov · 27 days ago

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I want to be really real with you all because I’m well aware that the reason most people followed me between 2016 and 2019 was because of my Fantastic Beasts / Newtina fics, and because I need to get it off my chest anyway.

(This is a screenshot of a post sent to me by one of my friends on Instagram, hence the language difference)

I’m not terribly shocked that it appears that we’ll never get another Fantastic Beasts film again. The last two underperformed considerably compared to the first film, and both were in general less well-received by both the critics and the general audience than the first film. While the third film was overall an improvement in many ways, it still wasn’t the same caliber as the first FB, let alone the eight Harry Potter movies before it.

I am in two minds about this: on the one hand, I completely agree that we need to stop giving that woman money - the money she gets from Harry Potter and the Wizarding World is funnelled directly from her bank account into anti-trans groups. I hope that if people really must watch the money grabbing TV show they’re planning, then they’ll at least pirate it so as to not give HBO or WB any views, but I’m sure people will watch it anyway because people are nostalgic and they value nostalgia over decency. JKR aside, however, it’s the sad truth that the second and third films were nowhere near the same level as the first for so many reasons - the writing quality went downhill, there were too many plots and characters, too much retconning etc.

All of this said, I have to admit that a part of me is disappointed by the news.

In late 2016 and throughout 2017-2018, FB was a HUGE part of my life; it was a comfort for me when my Nan died, writing the fanfics and posting about the film brought so many amazing people into my life, and for a long time it was an obsessive special interest of mine. I have FB and HP tattoos (my first five are all WW related as a matter of fact), I spent so much time watching the first film and writing fanfic and I even cosplayed as Tina. Despite the troubles within the fandom I later had, the first film was still a huge part of my early adult life.

I’m disappointed because while there was an air of finality to the third film (which I knew they’d do because they wanted to see how the third film performed before deciding whether to do more or to scrap it), there’s still so much that we were told we’d see and plot lines that were never fully realised: how Nagini went from CoG to being Voldemort’s snake, the Grindeldore battle of 1945, etc.

I am also tremendously disappointed that despite Newt being the lead and Tina being his love interest (and the knowledge that they were endgame), we never got to see their relationship play out beyond the fact they clearly liked each other. We got Jacob and Queenie’s wedding but not Newt and Tina’s - we never even saw Newtina kiss, and they were supposedly the main couple of the series. As someone whose blog used to be “newt-loves-tina” and who’s written about fifty Newtina fanfics over the years, I can’t hide that it disappoints me that we’ll never get to see them again, especially given Eddie and Katherine’s close friendship and chemistry.

Part of the lack of Newtina is no doubt because of how dirty the second and third film did Tina/Katherine - you’ll never convince me that it’s a pure coincidence that JK went from “Tina is my girl” and shouting Katherine’s praises to reducing her role to a tiny cameo in SoD after Katherine publicly posted her support for trans people. Her slightly reduced role in the second film was more down to there being far too many characters and plot lines so NONE of the characters got the focus they needed, but the third film…that was definitely intentional. People have tried to blame Katherine getting COVID in March 2020 for it when the film didn’t start filming until September 2020, by which time both Jude and Katherine were doing press for The Third Day show and she was talking about her experience with COVID. The way Katherine refused to promote SoD (to the point of attending the London premiere to sign things for fans and hang out with Eddie, posting photos of herself at the premiere but NOT mentioning the film at any point or tagging it in her post whilst still tagging all of her stylists/make up people/brands) speaks for itself.

I am upset because Tina was my favourite character when I watched the first film, so much so that I cut my hair into a bob, cosplayed as her, my first tattoo was her wand, I bought her locket, etc. I literally saw so much of myself in her that it was a little bizarre: the older sister whose younger sister is more bubbly/sociable/considered the pretty one and who baked/cooked, the shyness, the sense of duty, the willingness to break the rules if it went against her moral code… I saw a lot of myself in her, more than I did any other character, and I was so excited to see what happened with her character next.

Most importantly, however, I am upset because while JKR is a horrible human being who I despise with all my heart, we’ve lost positive autistic representation in Newt Scamander.

I’ve spoken before about how finding out Newt was played by Eddie as autistic helped me come to terms with and feel proud of my own diagnosis between 2019 (when I first got referred) and 2022 (when I finally got my letter confirming the diagnosis). Seeing Newt be the hero and not be treated like a joke for being autistic meant (and still does mean) the world to me - and I know it meant so much to a lot of us who are on the spectrum who watched the film and saw ourselves in Newt, who saw ourselves be the hero for once. I remember going to see SoD on opening day with my sister and seeing a young boy on the row in front getting so excited at seeing Newt that he flapped his hands excitedly and bounced in his seat. I remember getting emotional when I noticed Newt stimming with his coat pocket multiple times. I still think about how I was lucky enough to thank Eddie in person for playing Newt as autistic.

It’s just another reason that I hate JKR - her bigotry (as well as the subpar writing in the second and third film) undeniably contributed to people boycotting the film, which has meant WB has discontinued it - and we will no longer see an autistic person as the hero. Her decision to go down the rabbit hole of transphobia (and a number of other different prejudices) is absolutely a contributing factor in the decision to cancel the series, and because that’s a reason more personal to me, I will always hate her.

(I already hate her anyway just for the fact she is in fact a despicable person)

#fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts: the crimes of grindelwald #fantastic beasts: the secrets of dumbledore #newtina #newt scamander #tina goldstein #porpentina goldstein #queenie goldstein #jacob kowalski #albus dumbledore #gellert grindelwald

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read-and-write- · 1 year ago

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Fic Writer Asks!

I was tagged by @bidoofenergy thank you for the tag!

for the sake of my sanity i am mentioning and ignoring karmaland and way older fics as I see fit

ao3 name: elawritesgays but my pseud for english fandoms is justno

fandoms: Currently? Red, White and Royal Blue and All for the Game. Now, all-time Karmaland, Voltron, Shadowhunter's Chronicles and one (1) DSMP

number of works: 15 on Ao3, if we count the Twitter fics 24

work i spent the most time on: There's an AU that took me longer than a year, started july 2020 and finished writing it somewhere early 2022 and it just didn't get fully posted, otherwhise since I mostly write one shots all of them have an average of 1 or 2 weeks of writing/editing and posting so I have no clue

work i spent the least time on: Holy, a Rubegetta one shot. I know for a fact it didn't even take me a day to write it and post it, it was my first fic after years of not writing anything at all.

longest fic: My longest fic is a Karmaland FS AU (yes the one mentioned above, yes I know I am writing another rn) and it is 44k words, but I published maybe 30k, and I didn't put it on Ao3. That being said it is Try Again, the whole thing is written I just stepped away from the fandom

shortest fic: each of the drabbles in my drabble collection (? each around exactly 100 words or a little more when I write in Spanish and English at the same time, that's as short as it can get

most hits: las formas de llamarte amor I am used to not getting many hits so this one was a surprise to see escalating to numbers I had never seen.

most kudos: also las formas de llamarte amor once again.

total word count: 34,129 (on Ao3, mind you)

favorite work of my own: This is so hard because I can't chose. I think I have a few favourites for different reasons so I am going to cheat and mention one per language at least.

A ti, is an epistolary fic about two Karmaland NPCs that I wrote for a creative writing class, it's Sapphic and I think it is the most carefully crafted one. It has a special place in my heart.

and las formas de llamarte amor my debut in the RWRB fandom if you will, the start of my Alex Claremont-Díaz speaks Spanish agenda, and the Alex calls Henry pet names in Spanish agenda.

fic you want to rewrite/expand on: With You, a dystopian AU for the Karmaland fandom, I feel like if I hadn't been on a deadline it could be so much better, maybe even as a multi chapter that could explore a lot more of the main characters

share a bit of a wip: i am running out of snippets that are not spoilers

“Alexander, if you are trying to fit a quadruple Lutz in that jump you’ll be thoroughly disappointed when you land with your face on the ice.” Zahra’s suggestion goes unnoticed because Alex has already fallen with a resounding thwack. One wouldn’t look at the now limp body on the ice and assume that it belongs to Alexander Claremont-Díaz, a professional figure skater and representative of the Mexican national team, yet not even he is capable of avoiding meeting the ice face-to-face a few times.

Figure Skating AU WIP my beloved

and I am tagging @heybuddy-drabbles @14carrotghoul @inexplicablymine @userd0esn0texist @mudbloodpotter05 @suseagull04 @raysletters @xthelastknownsurvivorx no pressure tho!

#tag game #fanfic #fanfiction #red white and royal blue #aftg #karmaland #sadly gotta tag that #one day you will get my tragic backstory with the karmaland fandom out of me #not today tho #anyway i've written WAY more fanfiction #started in 2012 in middle school #fully in spanish and in my school notebooks #my ao3 was passing it around to my friends #other fandoms you will have to waterboard it out of me #(not really)#if you ask i'll shamefully answer

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forabeatofadrum · 1 year ago

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@cerriddwenluna You asked so you shall receive!

It’s... a-going. I have mostly gotten over the initial disappointment. In fact, I feel relatively confident right now. As I mentioned, I had a lot of questions and comments about the feedback. Long story short, I had a 30 minutes meeting planned, but in the end I needed 50 minutes and it was split over 2 days, because my advisor was running out of time on Monday.

I did have to fully rewrite my conclusion and discussion chapter, and I am still nervous about that. In fact, yesterday I e-mailed my advisor with the question whether she could review it one more time, but I haven’t gotten a reply yet. I definitely think it’s better, but you just don’t expect to fall at the finish line, you know? After all, “How can you fuck up your conclusion when you already have your results set in stone?”. Well, it can happen like this in qualitative research. The “““problem”“” with qualitative research is that my own interpretations are part of the results. With quantative statistical tests, you either hit the correct numbers (yay!) or you don’t (nah!), but here it’s kind of like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I mean, not to discredit my work, but that’s how it was hard to detach myself from it. I needed a more helicopter view-esque conclusion. After all, I posted the first sentence of my conclusion several times and y’all agreed something was off.

Apart from that, I completely forgot that I never mentioned queercoding in my theoretical background, so luckily I had a source about it (thank you “gay Quinn paper”), but yeah oof, that was an oversight since a huge part of my interviews and results are about it. I mean, I mentioned queer subtext and maintext, but I forgot to link it to queercoding.

So that is where I am at right now. I don’t know the final word count yet, since I am still tweaking. I did mark some parts in purple, to indicate that it could be cut in case I needed more words, so hopefully I am prepared. And I still need to have a damn title. I have “Harold, they’re lesbians” as a placeholder title, but I haven’t discussed that meme and neither did my girls. I used it for other things, like a presentation about my thesis, but also my advisor might not get the joke.

Because that is also something I noticed. I am in my bubble, because my idea for my thesis was “For the community, with the community, by the community, with the community” (and yes, the second “with the community” is intentional) and when I reminded that straight people are possibly reading it... wack. Cause everyone lost it when I called my PowerPoint about my thesis “Harold, they’re lesbians” when I presented it in front of a group of queers, but when I had to pitch my thesis to a teacher (not my advisor), his only question was: “What is queer?”

Awkward.

Same thing with heteroflexibility. The easiest, non-academic way for me to explain heteroflexible representation is by saying “It’s like Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl”, so I used that for an assignment where the whole point was to describe your thesis for a non-academic setting, but all my feedback was “This makes no sense” whereas it’s the same thing I used in my actual interviews and all my girls got it, so... yeah.

Those are some extra musings. I was thinking about it today while adding the queercoding thing, because it feels so obvious to me because I had countless conversations about it in the Glee fandom regarding Quinn. I mean, I am sort of writing a fic about it.

ANWYAY the deadline is on Monday morning so I am aiming to hand it in on Sunday evening. I want to finish writing it on possibly Saturday or early Sunday and then spent the rest of Sunday cleaning it up and finalising things, like making sure the APA is correct and naming all the files properly. It’s almost there, y’all, and I am handing in my thesis during Pride month 🌈

#replies #kinda #thesis lol #cerriddwenluna

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lovestory · 2 years ago

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god i know!!! (same anon) when i saw dua lipa the only thing i could see where phones and 1.5hr later i could FINALLY see dua without having to look at the screen of a phone (the fact that the stage screens were also super low didn't help at all) I remember leaving dua's show feeling so disappointed because i was like 'i just spent all this money to see the show through small screens and getting pushed by teenagers' (don't even get me started on people who just stood there to film like bro if you're gonna make a tour movie out of the entire show MOVE)

also people with long hair not having their hair up which makes everything super uncomfortable if you're in the pit, and as you said it feels like people go to these shows to be at the front pushing people and being idiots and then flex about it online bc they saw their fave super close when it's like so pointless lmao. When harry styles played in argentina people camped SIX/FIVE months early!! like absolute insane and unemployed behaviour there (he played in a stadium that is actually used by a team there and i remember seeing a tik tok of the fans filming the girls who were camping). Anyways, thinking about people's behaviour in concerts honestly puts me in such a bad mood whenever i'm buying tickets

i saw dua in brisbane but i think melbourne and sydney are worse for this behaviour in my experience. like i got there are 3:30pm and was probably the 5th in line for early entry, the people around me were quite nice. but i remember seeing dua and billie last year and just being struck with the fact that people were acting so weirdly uncivilised, and were so focused on the concert being about content. about showing people they were there and not even caring about the concert. which is fine i guess, until your behaviour interferes with other people's enjoyment. whyyyy do you need to hold up a fucking sign or your phone the whole time, when it's the reason someone behind you can't see? people were pretty much stampeding for billie, i was terrified. and laneway melbourne was just a disaster (someone kicked me in the head) but that's more expected with festival crowds. then there was the guy beside me who PISSED INTO A CUP AND GOT IT ON MY LEG AT RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS?????? anyway, i hate feeling like you need to camp out or spend your entire day lining up for a good spot so that you don't have an obstructed view. it didn't used to be this way, it just didn't. it feels very different and sometimes i have trouble explaining all the reasons why, but all my fandom-related hobbies including merch and vinyl collecting have been completely fucked over.

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beauty-and-passion · 4 years ago

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Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

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Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

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Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

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Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

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Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

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Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

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Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

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Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

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Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

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TAGLIST:

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robinofinashiro · 4 years ago

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prompt/note: i wanted to a break between the AoT posts so i wanted to post a prompt about the BNHA bois forgetting about your birthday and them attempting to make it up to you. / the req status should be opened soon if any of you want to start of thinking of reqs you want to send me. fandoms and rules are pinned to the top of my blog. also, for any other blog writers, isn’t the beta testing their doing super fucking annoying.

request status: CLOSED

pairing: bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto, iida tenya

you were bit more dressed up more than usual today and bakugou noticed. he didn't say anything as he thought you were just getting more dolled up for the hell of it. he gave you a quick compliment and went on his way, stating that he had a few things to do with Kiri before the day ended

you got a bit down, feeling that maybe he had forgotten. you quickly dismissed that thought, realizing that maybe he was planning a birthday party for you and didn't want you finding out.

the rest of the day flew by, an excited feeling bubbling up inside you as you inched closer to the end of the day. you wondered by Bakugou was planning on doing for your birthday. you knew Bakugou wasn't good with planning such lovey dovey things but since it was your birthday, you figured he must've done something.

you went to Bakugou's room, knocking on the door softly as you heard a rough come in. you were about to say hello when you realized he was in training close, ready to go workout with Kiri.

"where are you going?" you asked, twiddling with your fingers. he didn't bother to even look back at you, "training with Kirishma," he murmured.

you sighed, "oh, I just thought you would be able to come out with me tonight," you tried to say. he shook his head no. "no, I already told you I was going to train with weird hair so stop asking!" he screamed, making you jump a bit.

Kirishima gave you a sympathetic look as you gave Bakugou one last look and walked out of his dorm.

you walked into the hallway, seeing Uraraka and Momo walking out of Momo's dorm with a small cake. they immediately saw your tear stained face and put the cake down.

"hey, what's wrong?" Momo asked. you sighed, trying to get out what you were saying but the sobs that racked your body wouldn't let you, "wait, are you trying to say that Bakugou forgot your birthday?" Uraraka asked.

you nodded, "I thought he was trying to throw me a surprise party but I walked in there, asking him if he wanted to do anything and he kicked me out saying that he was going to workout with Kirishima," upon you finishing your sentence, Bakugou and Kirishima walked out.

Uraraka gave Bakugou a death glare as Momo pulled you into her arms and walked you into your dorm. Bakugou paid no mind to them as Kirishima looked to him and sighed. "pretty crappy day for her, huh?" Kirishima asked, looking at your dorm room door. Bakugou shrugged, "she'll be fine later. she's probably mad about earlier," he said, not putting much mind on it.

Kiri gave him a look, making Bakugou confused, "I guess. just sucks she spent her birthday trapped in her room but whatever you said bro," Bakugou stood in place, wide eyed realizing that today was in fact your birthday. "

don't tell me you forgot." "FUCK."

Kirishima slammed his hands against his face, not wanting to see Bakugou's face. Bakugou felt his heart drop, feeling a huge sensation of guilt and sadness washing over him. "that's why everyone was surrounding her desk this morning," Kirishima nodded, shaking his head in disappointment, "I don't know dude, you better figure it out before it gets worse," he mentioned before walking away.

Bakugou walked into his room, slamming the door and laying his bed. he had no idea how he was going to even start to apologize to you but he knew he had to do it tonight.

he knew Kirishima had a point.

he hadn't been the most diligent in trying to be with you recently and he kept shoving and cancelling your dates last minute to train or get work done. Bakugou was the one who asked you out first and promised you he would try his hardest to make it work out and now you were crying on your birthday.

the night was coming in and he walked over to your door, quietly knocking on it. you didn't bother to open it, knowing it was Bakugou who was more than likely to be the one who was knocking.

you flipped to the other side of the bed and ignored the knock, figuring he would leave you alone if you didn't answer. Bakugou knew that you kept the spare key for your dorm room in the small pot by your door. he dug for it, panicking that maybe you had moved it but as he finally found it, he grabbed it and unlocked it.

“hey,” his rough voice said. you shut your eyes, pretending to be asleep so he could leave quicker. he went by your side of the bed, realizing that you had fallen asleep, “damn, I didn’t think you’d be in bed this early.”

he sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed.

“listen, I know you probably don’t care for what I have to say but you mean a lot to me, idiot. I know I fucked up, big time actually but I want to make it up to you. please? I thought maybe we could get dinner, let me treat you right and like I’m supposed too.”

Bakugou moved a piece of your hair out of the way and kissed your hair softly. a part of you wanted to continue to be upset at him but hearing his apology and what he wanted to do to make it up to you, you wanted to wake up.

“I guess I’ll be leaving before Aizawa kills us.”

you shuffled in place, pretending to wake up, making Bakugou turn his head around to look at you. “Suki?” you whispered, rubbing your eyes.

he made his way back to you, sitting on the edge of bed, “I’m sorry for what I did today,” he murmured, not even wanting to look at you in the eye, “I’ve been a dick, more than usual recently and none of it has been your fault. can I make it up to you?” he asked.

you stayed silent for a moment, “Suki, I understand that you’ve been a lot more busier than usual but that isn’t my fault. it really hurt that you forgot my birthday and it hurts even more that you’ve been putting me in second place,” you murmured, trying not to sound hurt.

Katsuki nodded.

“I know. I promise I’ll do better.”

he gave you a kiss on the cheek before getting up from the bed and getting ready to leave, “love you Suki’,” you said, finding a comfortable spot in bed again, “you better,” he laughed before leaving.

you were beyond livid. todoroki had been anticipating your birthday for weeks now. the two of you were planning on going out to dinner if Aizawa had given you both permission, which he gladly allowed but two days before the outing came and he wasn’t having a good day. insults were being said and now the two of you were angry to say the least.

you figured that maybe by Saturday, he would have forgotten about the argument and the date would still have happened but what you hoped for fell through and now it was noon on Saturday and you were in your room crying to Kaminari of all people.

he rubbed your back, trying to get you to calm down as he told you to try and forget about the argument. he knew the two of you liked each other a lot but he couldn’t help but side with you on this one so he suggested a plan!

he took Todoroki’s spot for the day and the two of you went out for your birthday. since no one else had gotten permission to leave for the day, only Kaminari was able to do this but in the backside of your mind, you knew Todoroki was going to be upset to say the least.

both you and Kaminari walked to the nearest train station and took the ride to the outskirts of the city and went to a small ramen shop to catch a late lunch/early dinner.

the only one who knew about you and Kaminari leaving was ironically enough, Bakugou. he had saw the two of you leaving the building, unenthusiastically asking where the two of you were going since you were leaving school premises.

“so, we still have a few hours before we’re due back to school,” Kaminari reminded you. you gave him the signal to give you a minute and pulled up the nearest arcade, which happened only to be a few blocks from the ramen shop and a bit closer the train station, “you in the mood to play arcade games?”

Todoroki walked down stairs to the kitchen, hoping that you were to see what kind of mood you were in. he wanted to apologize for getting angry at you and prepare himself for you dinner date in a few days.

“hey Todoroki!” Midoriya greeted, as happily as ever. he waved at the green haired boy as he sat down next to him and watched him scroll through his Snapchat story, “oh, ( your name ) isn’t on campus?” Midoriya asked him.

Todoroki gave him a confused look, “what do mean?” he asked back, a small bit of panic settling in the pit of his stomach. “oh, well, since it’s birthday, it looks like she went out with Kaminari,” he replied, showing Todoroki his snapchat.

you and Kaminari both had posted a few photos and videos from the day. the ramen the two of you had eaten and then a few videos from the arcade. you were playing Mario Kart, singing some really REALLY shitty karaoke, and eating some really bad junk food.

“is something wrong?” Midoriya asked. Todoroki ran his fingers through his hair, panic finally fully setting into his stomach, “I didn’t remember that today was her birthday,” he murmured, playing with his lip as Midoriya’s eyes widened, hearing what his friend was saying.

the two of you remained quiet, trying not to freak out.

“what do you mean forgot? I thought the two of you were both planning something out!” Midoriya exclaimed, “we were but then the two of us got into a pretty bad argument and haven’t talked since. I forgot that we were supposed to go out together today and I think she took Kaminari instead,” he explained.

Bakugou chuckled, shaking his head, “she sure did. I’m on Kaminari’s private Snapchat story and they seem to be getting really close,” he tossed his phone to Todoroki who watched the two of you dancing and singing together.

Kaminari was sitting pretty close to you, his arm was around your waist, a little too firm for Todoroki’s liking. Bakugou couldn’t help but laugh at his ‘friends’ reaction as he tried to keep his anger to a minimum as he continued to watch his story.

you were damn near cuddled up to his chest, laughing and giggling at whatever Denki was telling you and he HATED it. you never acted like that around him. you never laughed or giggled that way with him. never have you ever held yourself like that with him.

“well, did you get her anything at least? that should save your ass, at least a little bit,” Bakugou said. Todoroki stared at the floor, too scared to look at them when he replied no, “well then....don’t act surprised if she doesn’t take you back after this,” he added on.

“Kacchan!” “it’s true! you’re just mad I’m right. Kaminari might be an idiot but he can actually hold a conversation with a girl and be civil around them when he puts his one brain cell to use.”

Todoroki growled, remaining silent for the rest of the night as he stayed downstairs to wait for you. now that he was realizing it, the way you were being with Kaminari did correlate to what Bakugou was saying and although he didn’t want to admit to it, he knew Bakugou had a point.

the night crawled in as Todoroki was now alone in the living room. you were getting to the front of the building, Kaminari telling you some stupid joke that made you hysterically laugh as you walked into the living space. upon entering it, you saw Todoroki sitting there with shame and anger on his face.

you waved Kaminari good, telling him you’d text him later to thank him for hanging out with you. you stared at half-n-half, not saying a word, your face saying everything it needed too.

“where were you today?” “out with Kaminari.”

your short sentences made him realize you were still as angry as you were the day you argued with him. “I saw you getting pretty close with him,” Todoroki stated. you chuckled, not believing what he was telling you. “yup, that’s kind of what happens when your boyfriend was being a dick on your birthday,” and there it is, Todoroki thought.

“you could have reminded me about today.”

“REMINDED YOU ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY?”

your voice was at an all time high, not caring who heard. “you know what? this is useless. your playing the victim when in reality I should be! it’s my fucking birthday and you know what I got as a birthday gift? another argument from my fucking boyfriend and not even a measly happy birthday text.” you continued to yell.

“you know what?” Todoroki was suddenly nervous about you quick attiude change, “maybe what Kami said was true. maybe you need to weed out the dicks in your life until you get to the good people.” you said before walking away and not sparing Todoroki another glance.

this argument happened the day of your birthday, actually. he had forgotten your birthday and although you had told him a few days in advanced, you weren’t making a big deal of the day itself.

you just wanted to make a small cake, enough to feed you and Iida so when you asked him if he wanted to come to your dorm after dinner so you could eat the cake together and he outrightly denied, claiming he had a ton of training and homework to get done.

“seriously? it’ll just be thirty minutes!” “no! I told you, I have to train for exactly an hour and a half before I take a shower and do homework! you should have known that. I wonder why we’re even together with that dismissive attitude of yours.” “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY YOU DICK!”

he stared at you, your birthday had completely passed his mind and he felt so shitty as you dropped the cake on the floor, letting it splatter everywhere.

everyone who heard the conversation stared at each other, not wanting to say anything as they saw Iida process what he had told you. he never meant to insinuate that he wanted to break up with you but it came out like word vomit and you were gone.

he grabbed a mop and broom, slowly picking it up as he saw the disappointed faces of his friends. Iida knew he fucked up, way too badly this time and now you were crying on your birthday, practically broken hearted and angry at him.

Iida sighed, sitting at his desk and mourning silently. the time read 7:30 and he wanted to do nothing more than bang on your door and apologize like there was no tomorrow but he knew that idea could be thrown out the window as you weren’t even texting him back.

he saw the small gift you had given him on his birthday and felt a small wave tears hit his eyes. you did so much for him, going out of your way to bring him lunch on some days and other days, you offered to patch him up if you saw that he had gotten busted up during training.

Iida stood up, going to the door and running to the kitchen. he knew this could be the only thing he could do to even start making it up to you again. you loved the cookies that Tensei had made for him a few weeks ago when he dropped by to visit.

he called his brother, explaining the situation to him as he immediately got a mini lecture as a response. Tensei basically yelling at him for not treating you right and how guilty he should be feeling for not only forgetting your birthday but also making you cry today.

Iida got work as Tensei explained everything to make the cookies. he was lucky enough to have everything he needed to make the cookies, even going out of his way to remind himself to put small written notes on the cookies themselves when he finished.

within that time, you were laying in bed, thinking about everything that Iida told you. you tried not to think about it, putting it on the fact that maybe he was stressed and forgot and everything just came tumbling out of his mouth. regardless, you tried to sleep, only to be awoken by a frantic knock.

you growled, slipping on one of Iida’s sweaters and going to the door. to your surprise, it was Iida himself, holding a plate of cookies and words coming out of his mouth like vomit.

“I am so sorry. I meant nothing I said earlier and I apologize for acting extremely out of line. I never meant to insinuate that I wanted to break up with you and I never wanted to in the first place. please forgive me.”

you stared at him, lifting an eyebrow before rolling your eyes playfully, “the next time you decide to say something like that, we’re over and you’re not getting another chance after that,” you stated, taking a bite of the cookie and instantly letting out a moan of pleasure, “holy shit, are these Tensei’s cookies?” he nodded as you snatched the plate out of his hand.

“that sucks that you made me cry tonight because we could have shared them but since you are on thin ice, these are mine! see you tomorrow, Iida!” you giggled, shutting the door on his face. “see you tomorrow, love.” he replied, a smile on his face as he made his way back to his dorm room to finish up some homework.

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cafeinthemoon · 4 years ago

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The Senju brothers finding out their little sister is going out with Madara 💥

Lately I’ve been into family drama and such, so when anon requested this I couldn’t say no lol Btw thank you, anon, for this scandalous incredible idea 😘

In this scenario/list/idk we have the Senju brothers finding out their younger sister and Madara are seeing each other. As you might expect, the news provoke different reactions in each of them, but the main point is how she will deal with this situation.

So I’m gonna shut up now and leave you with this:

Fandom: Naruto | Senju Brothers

Warnings: none, just a heated argument and a looong list ahead

Symbols: 💙 | ◻ | ▶▶

Hashirama

Being Hashirama and Tobirama’s younger sister, of course you and Madara were known to each other, but being more than just a friend to him wasn’t in your plans… until now 😳

You used to admire and respect each other, not only because of the alliance between your clans, but mostly because you both were worthy being praised. Plus Hashirama has always been talkative about his best friend’s qualities, which slowly transformed the way you saw the Uchiha leader, but you only noticed this a few weeks ago

During a meeting/party/whatever at your brother’s house, Madara and you spent more time than usual talking to each other. Turned out that you discovered many things in common beyond the fact that you two were shinobi, including your views on life, politics, etc.

If Hashi noticed something, you couldn’t tell, but it was strange that during all the time you were there together he didn’t come to join you (not that you complained about it)

You and the Uchiha saw each other a few times on the next days, and the feeling of familiarity between you only grew. You weren't sure of how to call it. You were fond of each other, but saying that you were just friends didn’t seem to be enough now

You both agreed that it was too soon to name it as a date or something, so you didn't tell anyone, not even your brothers

You wanted to be sure of your own feelings before making a statement. Were you still friends? Were you really in love? Was it just a crush, a superficial attraction? You wanted to understand what was going on

During this time, Hashirama didn’t make a comment or anything that suggested that he was aware of this situation, so you were a bit surprised when one day, he came to talk to you about it

“So you and Madara are engaging in a secret romance and you dared leaving your big brother out of this, y/n? Where did you learn such behavior?!”

“Don’t you really know?”, you smirked

“Excuse me?!”

“Am I the first person in this family to keep secrets that involve Madara, Hashi?” 😑

THE REDNESS ON HIS CHEEKS WAS PRICELESS LMAO

Hashirama was your elder brother aka the person who has been taking care of you since your parents left this world, so not only his worries were valid, but he also had the right to know, so yeah, he was a bit disappointed that you didn't tell him first

Now, I think his feelings about this were not as plain as some can imagine. In fact, he had a mixture of contradicting feelings and ended up talking about them more than demanding an explanation from you

On one hand, he was happy because he loves you both, so finding out that his little sis and his soul brother might have started a relationship was exciting 💖

On the other hand, he was worried because you were even younger than Tobirama, while Madara was not only older but more experienced than you and he knew his friend’s flaws better than anyone else

However, Hashi was an understanding person and was willing to listen, so you explained your feelings and your reasons to him, as well as part of your conversations with Madara, pointing out that making things this way was a mutual decision, for the best of you two and the people you knew

He pointed out that despite not calling your meetings a date, you two were already thinking as a couple 😏

You blushed and asked him to keep quiet, at least for a while

He promised you he would not say anything, but not before hugging you tight and crying about how his lil sis was growing up so fast saying how much he was happy for you two 💓

Tobirama

Prepare yourself to get your ass smacked and burning for an entire week lmao

Okay, so as you can easily imagine, it didn’t take much effort from Tobirama to find out that something was going on between you and Madara

It wasn’t that you two were reckless, it was just that your second brother was not stupid an observing man (and tbh how hard it must be to keep a secret from a smart sensor shinobi, uh?)

Unlike Hashirama, who took some time to connect the dots, he noticed small changes in your routine and behavior since the start

Why have you been so quiet, distracted lately? What has been occupying your mind? You were spending more time alone and/or out, and (yeah, he noticed that) you weve more concerned about your looks and manners than usual. Of course you were up to something

Besides, you’ve suddenly became too defensive towards Madara and the Uchihas in general. Anything Tobirama said that sounded slightly negative about them was promptly refuted by you. You seemed to have a deeper understanding of their ideologies now, as if you were having long conversations with their leader

So, it was with no surprise that you saw the storm coming ⚡

One day, Tobirama came to your room without warning and just by looking at him you knew he figured it out

How did he find out? Hashirama and his big mouth, probably. Or did he follow you and saw you two together? Well, he could have simply traced your chakra and once he sensed Madara’s close to you, the riddle was solved. But did it matter now?

His first words: “What is it?”

You don't need an explanation: you little sis + Madara Uchiha problem™ + maintaining your privacy keeping secrets from him

And now you were a brat possessed with the Uchiha evil, and not just with any Uchiha evil but with MADARA’S Uchiha evil 🔥🔥🔥

There was no way for you to have a normal conversation in the current circumstances. You had a heated argument, and I’m sure you’re capable of imagining what it means to have a heated argument with Tobirama

“Tobi, listen to me, I-”

“No YOU listen to me you brat possessed with the Uchiha evil”

Your brother didn’t even let you speak. He stated that not telling anything to your elder brother was not only wrong, but some sort of betrayal, then started remembering serious sh*t from the past when you were so young that you couldn’t even carry a sword the right way and everything you’ve already heard from him countless times before

But now you were done with his incapacity of simply listen, so you just stated that your elder brother Hashirama already knew it and that it was you who asked him to keep it a secret just for a while

“Hashirama is our leader, and if he knows and approves it, that’s enough for me and that should be enough for you too!”

“Hashirama is too soft with you, and this is why you behave like this!”

“Like this how? Living my life without asking for your permission? Is that what you mean?”

“Being unnecessarily connected with a man with whom we need to be careful in our treats, that’s what I mean. Our elder brother purposely ignores the fragile spots of this alliance and you know it, so there’s no excuse for your attitude!”

“Speaking like this about our ally could be considered some sort of betrayal, Tobi. If I was you, I would be careful!”

“Why? Are you going to tell him in your next date?”

“GET OUT OF MY ROOM!”

“Yes, I’m getting out and having a serious conversation with our brother about this!”

“Tobirama, the war is over! We all have to move on, whether you like it or not! So instead of wasting your time with something that’s none of your business, you should go and live your life as well!”

Yes, you lost your temper, and you only realized it when your brother fell silent and lowered his tone

“You are right, lilttle sister. But let me tell you something. My way to show that I care about you might not resemble Hashirama’s, but my feelings towards you are not less deep than his”

You were heartbroken after he left, yes, but you had to stand your ground. Tobi could be very controlling if he was given space to, so you had to learn to deal with this early in your life. In this point you were better than Hashi, who was too easygoing for his own good, so you felt like you had to be strong on your resistance for both of you, otherwise Tobirama would dominate every aspect of your life without even realizing. You loved him as well, but your decisions didn’t have to always gravitate towards him

Still, you weren’t proud of your words about the war. That was a sensitive matter for Tobi. Despite his silence about it, you sensed he was offended. You knew you went too far 💔

The conclusion

Later, Hashirama came to mediate the conflict, and he had some words for both of you. When Tobirama and you found ourselves in the same room, you were about to start a new argument, but your eldest brother elevated his chakra and demanded you to be silent, bc now it was his time to speak

“Brother, I understand you are worried about our sister and I am sure she acknowledges your efforts to protect and guide her, but that doesn’t give you the right to interfere in her decisions regarding her own life. She’s right to remind you about our alliance with the Uchiha clan and to say that we need to move on. If moving on means starting a relationship with Madara in her case, things are what they are. It is her life, not yours. And do not think I haven’t talk to her about this. Y/n is no longer a child, Tobirama. She’s aware of the challenges of maintaining such connection with the Uchiha leader”

“Little sister, I understand that our brother’s way to express his worries uses to irritate you. It happened many times when you two were little. But that doesn’t invalidate the honesty of his intentions. He loves you and cares about you as much as I do. Besides, I’ve already talked to you about thoughtless mentions of the war. That was a though period for all of us, which includes your brother. You were not with us at the battlefield, that’s true, but you weren’t immune to the dark consequences of what happened at it. You mourned our siblings with us, but you were too young to understand everything that was involved. That was not Tobirama’s case. He doesn’t talk about it, but he has his reasons for that, and this must be respected”

Hashirama left you two hoping you would be capable of getting along again, which eventually happened, but at its own pace

The next day you found Tobirama working at his desk. He already acknowledged your presence, but that didn’t discourage you. You hugged him from behind and said you were going out to the river, and he could come with you if he wanted to fish. His first response was a groan

“Is there more people coming with us?” = “Is there any possibility of Madara showing up?”

You kissed his bristly hair

“No. Just us. I promise. And when we get back, I’ll cook fish for you”

Your brother’s next groan meant many things at once, “I agree”, “Thank you” and “I apologize” being some of them 😜

#naruto headcanons #naruto scenarios #naruto request #madara #hashirama #tobirama #hashirama headcanons #tobirama headcanons

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just--another--daydreamer · 4 years ago

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Childhood dreams

» Hitoshi Shinso x male reader

» Fandom: My hero academia » Summary: Shinso tries to reconnect with you after a fight » Warnings: Small Season 5/Manga spoilers! language, anxiety, overthinking » Words: 2.1k

You can find a link to my Masterlist and additional info in my bio and pinned post

“We are going to become heroes together.”

That is the pinkie promise Shinso has been holding onto this whole time. The promise that has inspired him, that has given him hope, that has made him want to do is very best. But in the end, it did not work out.

Every single time Shinso watches you walk down the halls among other students of class 1-A, your voice saying those words to him echoes in his head. He keeps his distance, since he does not want you to catch him staring at you, not after all the things he said to you.

Becoming heroes together was his and your childhood dream. Growing up, he and you watched the heroes on TV together, talked about the news, imagined yourselves as a duo of great heroes. You were one of the only kids in Shinso’s class who never shied away from replying to Shinso and he admired that about you. And whenever another child told him he would make a better villain, you always stepped in and reassured him.

However, the dream died quickly – at least for Shinso. He knew that there was no way for him to pass the entrance exam for the hero course at UA, but you seemed to hold onto that dream still. Long story short, Shinso ended up failing where you succeeded, leading to the very first serious fight in your friendship, that was also the last one.

Shinso does not remember anything as clearly as the words he said to you that day. When you told him you were sorry that he did not pass the exam and expressed your genuine sadness over that fact, he snapped at you.

“I can’t believe that you held onto this naïve dream all this time, that’s childish,” he told you. “I don’t need you to pity me, I don’t need you to look down on me like all the others do.” He can remember calling you childish, blaming you for the quirk you were born with that will make you a great hero, telling you that your promise was the reason why he was feeling so disappointed in himself after failing.

He still feels awful about it and he does not blame you for not talking to him again after that.

Shinso sometimes finds himself pitying himself for losing you. When he watches you in the hallways, he can feel his heart ache. He lost his best friend, his future sidekick – or according to you – the hero he would be the sidekick of. He lost an important part of his life. And that hurts. He misses you, he misses the days the two of you spent together, the way his heartbeat picked up in pace when you were around him and the way you never failed to cheer him up. There are things he never told you and now he regrets it.

He does not know if he would ever tell you any of this and the only thing that he knows for sure is that he wants you back. Though he is not sure about how to achieve that.

“Shinso! Watch out!” The voice of his teacher pulls Shinso back into reality but the wake-up call comes too late and he finds himself falling to the ground, tangled up in his capture weapon and unsure if he still has all of his limbs attached in the right places. “Ouch!” Shinso groans as he tries to untangle himself.

Instead of helping him, Mister Aizawa starts to lecture him. Having heard the same bullshit about him being very far behind class 1-A and thus having to train even harder, needing to concentrate and so on and so forth, Shinso decides to not pay too much attention to that. It takes him a few more seconds to finally free himself but he remains sitting on the ground, rubbing his hurting back.

“You are more distracted than usual, did something happen?” Shinso is surprised that his teacher would ever ask him something like that. “It’s nothing,” he replies dryly but that does not seem to satisfy Mister Aizawa. “I can’t help you train when you keep getting distracted, that’s a waste of time. So either you talk about what’s up and we continue training after you’ve got your mind clear, or you go home right now.”

Shinso takes a second to consider his teacher’s words. His eyes fall onto the capture weapon in his hands, his key to becoming a hero. And he needs to take this chance. He cannot waste any more time with distractions and dwelling in memories. This is his chance. His chance to finally tell you that you will indeed become heroes together, maybe he will make up with you. The thought of approaching you to tell you this both scares and excites him.

“There’s this guy in your class,” he starts. “Y/N. We wanted to become heroes together, but it didn’t work out. Said some pretty awful stuff to him. I’ve been thinking about how to tell him that our dream will come true after all.” His mentor looks a little irritated at that “Well, you are not in the hero course just yet, so you should do your best. Now get up again.”

Shinso groans once again bug gets up anyway. His legs are shaking a little from how much he has been straining his muscles, but he tries to ignore that.

“I encourage you to talk to Y/N and sort things out,” Aizawa continues after a pause. “He doesn’t seem like the kind of person to hold grudges, so it should be fine after you apologize.” It is not a lot of reassurance, but it is more than Shinso would have ever expected from his mentor, so he appreciates it. “I’ll try to talk to him soon,” he agrees. His mentor nods. “Now enough chitchat, let’s get back to work.”

___

Shinso stretches his arms out above his head, his muscles ache, and his joints crack. Everything in his body screams for him to go to his dorm and sleep, but he still has something to do. He checks his phone for the time once again. It is almost seven in the evening, he is a little too early, since he stopped in front of the 1-A Alliance right after his training and he did not even bother to bring his bag into his own dorm. Shinso is surprised that you agreed to meet him after all this time, and he is both thankful and relieved that you seem to be open to hear him out. That is what he needs right now, after all.

Even though he is usually calm and collected, Shinso feels his anxiety being on the rise. His heart is beating way too fast and he feels uneasy. He quickly wipes his sweaty palms on his pants. A few deep breaths. One, two, three. His mind spins. Four, five, six. All of the words Shinso has thought of disappear. Seven, eight-

“Hey, Shinso!” You close the door of the 1-A building behind you. You avoid his eyes as you walk toward him, hands in your pockets, shoulders tense. The fact that you called him by his last name hurts but Shinso quickly shakes his head. This is not what he should be thinking about now. “H- hey,” he greets you, trying his best to sound calm. “Do you mind if we walk for a while?”

There is an uncomfortable silence between the two of you and all Shinso can hear are his own and your footsteps on the gravel. You eventually sit down on a bench, a lot of space between you. Shinso stares at his balled fists in his lap, knuckles white and fingernails digging into his palm, trying to sort out his thoughts.

“Why do you want to talk to me?” you question after a while. Shinso sighs deeply. The phrases he has thought of and practiced in the mirror are not coming to his mind again. “I wanted to apologize,” he starts hesitantly, “for what I said to you after the entrance exam.” The scene replays in his mind once again and he shakes his head to push the pictures away. “I was in the wrong and I hurt you. I know that I’m extremely late with my apology, but I was so ashamed of myself for saying those things to you.” In the corner of his eye, Shinso sees you listen to him carefully, a thoughtful look on your face. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I’m sorry, Y/N.” There is so much more he wants to say, he just needs to remember it. It seems like you notice that he is struggling for words, so you wait patiently. So, this is not going terribly, right?

“I saw you at the sports festival,” Shinso finally continues. “And I saw how much you have improved. You will be a great hero, Y/N. I’m happy for you. I’m so, so happy for you.” Was that alright? Shinso has no idea. He finally opens his fists and stretches out his fingers, knuckles regaining colour, but he is sure that his nails left marks on his palms. “What I said was horrible. I’d understand if you’d want me to get lost. I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

“I-” you sound unsure of what to say. “You are right, what you said hurt me a lot, you have no idea how much. But I appreciate that you apologized, Shinso, even though it’s late. And I want to accept your apology.” An incredible weight falls from Shinso’s shoulders. He breathes out deeply and lets the rest of his muscles relax. For a moment, Shinso waits for you to say something else. He does not want to be the first one to speak, and it seems like you do not want to be that person either.

The silence grows more and more uncomfortable. Around you, it is getting colder by the minute and at some point, the lantern above the bench turns on, attracting insects to its cold, dim light. You shiver and stuff your hands in your pockets, Shinso does the same.

“So where do we go from here?” You eventually ask and cause Shinso’s heart to skip a beat. Does that mean you still want him in your life? Does that mean that he can stay friends with you? “That’s up to you,” he answers while suppressing his excitement. “Hm,” you make a thoughtful face. “I definitely don’t want you to ‘get lost’. I would like to try to become friends again. How does that sound?” The softness in your voice almost makes Shinso tear up. “Yeah, I’d love that.” Even with only the dim light from above Shinso can see you smile, and his heart skips a beat. Unable to contain himself from smiling, he quickly turns away.

“I have something else to tell you,” Shinso admits. He grabs is bag and rests it in his lap before opening it. Your curious eyes are watching his every move and cause Shinso’s hands to tremble a little as he pulls his capture weapon and mask out of the bag. “After the sports festival Mister Aizawa reached out to me,” he explains. “I’ll take an exam to determine if I’ll be allowed to switch to the hero course.” Shinso watches as your eyes widen. “We’ll become heroes together after all.”

“Oh Shinso!” You let out a joyful laugh. “That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” A warm feeling spreads through Shinso’s body at your words. He missed your laugh and now that he hears it, it is even more amazing and heart-warming than he remembered it to be. “Thank you.”

You sit there for a while until Shinso notices the time. “We should go back. I don’t want to get my ass beaten by Aizawa.” You agree and walk next to Shinso back to the dorms. The atmosphere is a lot lighter this time. Instead of keeping quiet, you talk about being heroes, about what both of you have been up to in the meantime, and about how you want to rebuild your relationship.

The dorms are in sight and you stop again. You hold out your hand and extent your pinkie. “Promise me to pass the exam? So that we can become heroes together?” Shinso does not need to think about that twice. He links his pinkie with yours, just like he did when you were kids. “I promise.”

#shinsou x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou x male reader #shinsou hitoshi x male reader #bnha x reader #bnha x male reader

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cuddlepilefics · 4 years ago

Text

He can help

Fandom: Stray Kids

Sickie: Seungmin

Caregiver: Chan

No one’s POV.:

It had been a long day for all of Stray Kids. They had had three interviews and finished the day with a grueling dance practice. All of them were happy when they finally returned to the dorm for the evening. While the members took turns showering, Chan and Minho cooked dinner for the group. The first who finished freshening up, were Jeongin and Felix, the two laid the table, so they’d all be able to eat as soon as everyone had their shower. Not really having had the time to eat a proper lunch, the members felt like they’ve been starving. Especially Seungmin had complained the entire way back that his stomach was slowly digesting itself if he didn’t feed it anytime soon. Although now, that the food was on the food was on the table, his demeanor had changed completely. He didn’t dig in immediately like one would expect him to. Instead, he seemed hesitant, being the last one to pick up his chopsticks.

Seungmin himself was confused. He remembered being unbearably hungry towards the end of their dance practice but now that the room was filled with the savory scent of their dinner and there was a plate in front of him, the food suddenly didn’t seem as appetizing. His hunger seemed to have completely vanished and he couldn’t figure out why. Maybe he was just past the point of being hungry and the uncomfortable churning in his guts were hunger pains, so Seungmin picked up his chopsticks and started to eat. Chewing on some grilled meat, he felt like eating was the wrong thing to be doing right now but he couldn’t tell why. Minho certainly hadn’t gone easy on them today and the second youngest still felt shaky, like he had completely out done himself over the last few hours. He forced himself to eat at least half of his meal before pushing the plate away and resting his aching head on his folded arms. “Seungmin, you’ve been complaining about starving the entire time and now you’re now eating. Are you kidding me?”, Minho frowned. Seungmin lifted his head and gave the dancer an angry glare, frowning: “Yah, hyung. You’ve wrecked us with practice today and now you blame me for being exhausted?” – “Aww, is our little puppy tired?”, the second oldest mocked and Seungmin had to refrain from throwing his chopsticks at him. Chan only chuckled at the pair’s bickering but was silently wondering why the younger didn’t eat more of his dinner.

The truth was, the few bites Seungmin had pushed down, didn’t seem to sit right with him. Yeah, he had felt sore and exhausted earlier, which was to be expected after dancing so much. His head had been hurting a bit too, that could also be explained by the length of their schedule but now that his stomach was feeling a bit off too, the vocalist started to get confused. Maybe he was just stressed and running himself down, maybe he was coming down with something. Either way, a good sleep was the key to fixing many problems and he was tired anyways, so it wouldn’t be difficult to head to bed early tonight. Helping his members clear the table, Seungmin stayed in the kitchen a bit longer to make himself a cup of peppermint tea, which he took back to his room. “Good night, guys”, he said, waving at the others watching TV in the living room. Hyunjin got up with a frown, approaching the younger: “You’re already going to bed? It’s still early, don’t you want to join us?” – “Hyung, you were almost as bad as Minho-hyung today. Not everybody has as much stamina as you”, Seungmin stated, rolling his eyes, “any other day, I’d love to join but I’m really tired, so I’ll be turning in early today.” – “Alright, alright”, Hyunjin chuckled, hugging his dongsaeng, “sleep well, Minho and I will be quiet when we go to bed later.” Seungmin’s smile turned into a yawn, earning a smile from his hyung. With another small wave, he turned around and made his way to his room.

Originally, Seungmin had planned to just read another chapter of his book till he had finished his tea but feeling his head to heavy and eyes to sore to do so, he just put on his headphones and listened to Day6 on low volume, while sipping his tea. His back resting against the head board and his legs drawn close to his chest, he became more aware of the discomfort in his stomach, so he left a few sips of his tea and put the cup on the nightstand before turning of the light and wiggling down into a flat position, curled up on his side. As expected, it didn’t take long for sleep to pull him under. To his disappointment though, Seungmin woke up again, almost as quickly as he had fallen asleep. A short glance over at his roommates’ beds proved that he had in fact been asleep for quite some time, seeing them knocked out. He didn’t have to search for long to find the reason for waking up at this ungodly hour. The slight discomfort in his abdomen had turned into something much worse and now his stomach was churning angrily. Cold sweat coated Seungmin’s forehead and he could keep from shaking, feeling painfully cold. The vocalist nearly broke into tears. It had been a while since he had last felt this bad and back then, he was at home with his parents. His mom had made him tea and gave him a hot water bottle, while Seungmin was curled up on the couch, watching movies with his older sister. Now though, now he wasn’t at home anymore. Despite living with more people than ever before, Seungmin felt alone and he hated to be alone when he was this sick.

Seungmin thought about waking up at least one of his hyungs but he wasn’t sure. He was pretty sure, they were similarly as tired as him, so he would feel bad about depriving them of their precious sleep. After a few minutes of sitting on his bed, he had to realize that he’d feel just as bad if not worse, if he had to suffer by himself. Seungmin had already made up his mind about whom he’d go to. It was obvious really. ‘He can help. Channie-hyung always knows how to help’, the second youngest thought, placing his bare feet onto the cold floor. He shivered and when he left his room, he had to hold onto the door frame for a few seconds, almost getting knocked over by a sudden dizzy spell. Shuffling down the hallway to his hyung’s room, Seungmin steadied himself against the wall, cursing his shaky legs for not getting him where he wanted to be. A cramp tore at his stomach, causing the vocalist to sink into a crouch with one hand pressed firmly into his middle as he tried not to cry out and wake everyone. The next few minutes, he spent, leaning against the wall in the hallway, as he tried to breathe through the pain. It was cold and he truly regretted not taking his blanket with him.

At some point, the pain lessened a bit and Seungmin pulled himself together, struggling to his feet, so he could continue his journey. Quietly, he slipped into the room and stared at the leader’s sleeping figure, feeling guilty that he had to wake him when he was sleeping for once, a rare occurrence. He reached out and gently shook Chan’s shoulder. When he got no reaction, he decided to shake him a bit harder, earning a small grunt before the older turned over and continued sleeping. Growing desperate, Seungmin gave the leader’s shoulder a rough shove, which caused him to sit up startled. Chan looked around confused and still half-asleep and found Seungmin standing next to his bed like a lost puppy. “What’s going on?”, he whispered. The younger drew in a shaky breath and mumbled brokenly: “H-Hyung.” Sensing something wasn’t right, Chan clambered out of bed. He noticed the other shivering, so he through his blanket over his shoulder before putting a hand on Seungmin’s back to guide him to the living room, where they could talk without waking Chan’s roommates up.

Seungmin dropped down on the couch and immediately pulled his legs closer to his chest. Wrapping his blanket around the younger’s shoulders, the leader crouched down to eye-level and frowned: “Now Minnie, tell me what’s wrong.” – “Hyung, I-I feel really sick and I didn’t know what to do and I’m sorry for waking you up because you barely sleep but I just felt so bad and I didn’t want to be alone and…”, Seungmin rambled, getting cut of when Chan calmly sat down beside him and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m glad you woke me up when you’re now feeling well. Can you tell me what doesn’t feel right, so I can figure out how to help you?”, Chan smiled sympathetically. The younger pulled the blanket tighter around himself, desperate for warmth, and sniffled: “I-I’m really cold, my head hurts and my stomach is really upset.” – “I see. How long have you felt like that? I figured that’s why you ate so little during dinner and went to bed early?” – “Yeah”, Seungmin nodded, “I started feeling a bit off during dinner but it wasn’t really bad but then I woke up not too long ago and suddenly it was a lot worse.” – “Alright, let me get some stuff. Do you feel like you need to be sick?”, Chan asked getting up. Seungmin just shrugged and watched the leader disappear.

He was drifting in and out of consciousness, when Chan returned, setting down a bucket next to the couch. The leader gently brushed the younger’s sweaty hair off of his forehead and tilted his head a bit so he could take his temperature, frowning as it was confirmed what he had already expected. Seungmin was running a pretty high fever, so this was unlikely to be a result of stress or his food not agreeing with him, this was most likely some bug that the vocalist had managed to pick up. “Minnie, how do I help you best? Do you feel like you can stomach some tea or would you rather not drink anything right now?”, Chan asked, carding his fingers through his dongsaeng’s hair. He wasn’t sure if the thick blanket was really doing Seungmin any good with how high his fever was but the leader didn’t have the heart to take it away, considering how violently his dongsaeng was shivering. Seungmin blinked his glossy eyes open and rasped: “I don’t think it would stay in if I drink something right now. Could you maybe make me a hot water bottle?” – “I’m sorry, puppy, that would raise your fever even higher. I could rub your tummy instead?”, Chan frowned apologetically. Seungmin shook his head, not really wanting his sensitive stomach to be touched. Chan helplessly bit his lip, when he suddenly had an idea. He told the younger to hang in there, while he got up.

“Here, I remembered I still have those ginger gummies. Usually, they are meant for motion sickness but ginger is good for nausea in general, if you’d like to try that”, Chan explained. Seungmin nodded and took the gummy the leader handed him. Had he nod felt absolutely awful, he had chuckled at the smile face that almost made it look like candy. He kept it on his tongue, sucking on it and tasting the mild spicy flavor. Pulling a chair close, Chan took a seat next to the couch and played with his dongsaeng’s hair. He smiled as he watched the younger relax, humming: “Just try to get some rest, maybe you can sleep most of this off till tomorrow.” Seungmin nodded sleepily and snuggled deeper into the blanket. Maybe Chan was right, maybe he could actually get some sleep. The hand in his hair was certainly helping to make him drowsy.

Seungmin was slowly drifting off, when his body started to flush with heat, making sweat break out on his forehead and back. His mouth started to water and his stomach was swirling. With a weak whimper, he lifted a hand to his mouth, muffling a breathy burp as he struggled to sit up. Chan seemed to grasp the situation quickly, helped the younger sit up and placed the bucket into his lap. Being moved to an upright position, made Seungmin’s head spin and be just crossed his arms over the bucket and rested his head on them. Why was his stomach hating him so much? Chan noticed him swaying and steadied him with one hand on his back and one hand holding the bucket. Feeling his stomach contract, Seungmin mentally prepared himself but all that came up was some air that brought the taste of his dinner. Cringing at the taste, the boy hiccupped before burping wetly. This time, he could actually feel the liquid splash against the back of his throat and moved a trembling hand to get a better grip on the bucket. He gave a small cough, that triggered a gag. Chan whispered gentle reassurances before giving his back a few rough pats, which brought his dinner up his throat. The splashing sound of his stomach contents hitting the plastic container sent shivers down Seungmin’s spine. Retching again, his stomach was eager to get everything up. He was left panting between the waves, having to rely on his hyung to keep him up, as his head was spinning faster and faster. “It’s okay. I got you”, the older whispered, “Deep breaths, it’ll be over soon.”

Seungmin so badly wanted to believe him, so badly wanted all of this to be over. He spat into the bucket, burying his head deeper before choking up a thin stream of bile. It really seemed like he was empty, yet his stomach wouldn’t stop throwing a fit, leaving him dry heaving for what must have been ten minutes. His throat felt abused by the acid and the strain put on it from trying to force something up when there was nothing. Seungmin’s stomach slowly calmed down, so Chan deemed it safe to place the bucket back onto the ground and helped the younger to lay down again, whispering: “Stay awake just a bit longer, yeah? I’ll get you some cool water for your throat and to wash away the taste.” He really didn’t take long, soon propping Seungmin up again and lifting a glass to his swollen lips. The vocalist greedily chugged it, sighing at the relief it brought his throat. It made Chan frown and he pulled the glass away from time to time, afraid his dongsaeng would make himself sick again. Placing down the empty glass, he helped Seungmin peel off his sweaty shirt and got the younger situated again with the blanket only covering his legs and waist, so he could cool down a bit. The leader then went to clean out the bucket, which they’d certainly be needing again later. He also fetched a damp washcloth before making his way back to the living room. Seungmin was barely awake by the time Chan came back. He didn’t feel hot anymore and was instead shivering with the blanket pulled up to his chin. The leader couldn’t help but sigh at the pitiful sight. He used the washcloth to clean the tear-tracks and caked sweat from the younger’s face, wiping his chin and folding the cloth to lay it across the fever-hot forehead. Pulling the chair closer, the oldest hyung prepared himself for a long night as he listened to his dongsaeng’s labored breathing and continued to play with his sweaty messed up hair.

#stray kids #skz #sick #sickfic #fanfic #fanfiction #emeto #whump #fluff #comfort #kim seungmin #bang chan

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fromtheplanethexagon · 4 years ago

Text

the robot problem: a critical look at tobecky, 5 years late

hello wordgirl fandom i am back :) and i have a lot of thoughts that i never got around to expressing before i moved on from the show. so be aware that everything i'm saying is based on my experiences during the 2012-2016 era of the fandom & state of tumblr in general, and i am not familiar with more recent fan content.

it's been over five years since the show ended, and @ifbrd reminded me (along with some great analysis) that while tobecky was super popular since before the show technically started (thanks to the play date shorts), it's pretty unhealthy in a lot of ways that tend to be excused or flat out ignored in fanworks. i'd like to reflect on that a bit (a lot); specifically, how both the show and the fandom approached this enemies-to-lovers ship, and how easily this ship can slip into uncomfortable territory if we're careless about how we interpret the ship and create fan content of it.

i will admit, i'm mostly writing this as a response to past me and my old creations - though i moved on from the show as a whole years ago, i do like taking the time to reflect on old interests once in a while, and reevaluating my thoughts on them. and this ship is probably the biggest one that still lurks in the corners of my mind once in a while, so let's go.

cherish is the word: a short positive note before a much longer negative one

i wanted to start this essay off with some positivity, because i am going to be very negative after this. tobecky was, in some ways, cute. it's obvious from the very beginning that these two characters are on pretty equal ground, even if one of them isn't aware of it. and that's part of the fun - the irony of how unaware tobey is that his nemesis/crush/person that pretty much always wins against him is someone that he completely dismisses as incompetent. i want to point this out because honestly, in general i don't like enemies-to-lovers because a lot of them use a power imbalance within the dynamic, and i hate power imbalances, especially when it comes to actual life-or-death scenarios (at least, as much as cartoons can do that). in most episodes, becky is never actually forced to go along with his wishes. she's not held in a 'date' against her will, nor is she ever really outwitted by him. i bring this up because there is one huge, uncomfortable exception, which i will get to later.

another big plus to the ship is the fact that they just... get along? even when fighting? of course we get brief moments where they just hang out and talk about paintings or whatever, but i'm talking about how much they get each other, even if they don't realize it. like the word banter, for example. been there since day one. becky loves words, and while most other people in her life don't really care (ranging from 'eh, that's cool i guess' to her brother calling it annoying), tobey gives her a chance to show off and thus treats her as a worthy adversary as herself, not because of her more generic superpowers - something that we've seen in canon that she feels self-conscious about (see: her motivation in patch game). one of the less noticed examples, to me, is "it's your party and i'll cry if I want to", because it's just - okay. they both are excluded from a social event, and while it's obvious that tobey deals with it by destroying the city, it's also pretty obvious that becky also deals with her frustration by fighting in that battle. like, yes, realistically it's just objectively bad that he's destroying buildings. but they're also providing each other with a way to work through their frustrations, first by fighting and then by talking things out, and finally by hanging out together instead of dwelling on being excluded from the party.

so it makes a lot of sense to me that many tobecky fans gravitated towards writing far-in-the-future fic, usually by implying that some growth had taken place before starting to write the ship. (there are, as far as i'm aware, 2... maybe 3 exceptions, that take the time to attempt a real redemption for him, at least when i left the fandom.) because if you take away his worst moments, either by reasoning out that he was 10 years old and a mess, or that he was a cartoon character in a cartoon world where everyone's actions are over-the-top, or by just flat-out pretending that certain episodes never happened, there's some pretty solid ground to start a ship on.

go gadget go: we all do not see it, we simply close our eyes (review of canon)

when the show began, i was the same age as the characters. a lot of other people were, too - at least in my cohort of the fandom. i think it's pretty safe to say that many of us have fond memories of the show's earlier seasons, and held on to that interest as we got older, for whatever reasons. so like, not to be all 'as an OG fan...', but i remember seeing the shorts air for the first time in 2006. i have a diary entry in july of 2009 about how i, a 12yo with no concept of the idea of 'shipping', was disappointed in the new tobey episode because i wanted more tobecky interactions. (that was robo-camping, btw, lol.) and so i remember how exciting their rivalry felt, watching them as someone literally their exact same age, and then watching that again as a nostalgic 17yo, and then uh... growing up, to put it frankly, and realizing just how unhealthy most of their interactions were.

okay what i meant to say was, this section is an overview of the relationship's canon portrayal throughout the years.

first, we have early tobecky: this includes the shorts and the first few seasons. this is their classic relationship: he likes her and takes robots on rampages to get her attention, she majorly disapproves and has fun taking him down. we've all seen the show, you know what i'm talking about. his backhanded ways of trying to find out her identity often feature prominently in the episodes, which - sigh, i've mentioned this whole issue before, but it's kind of a grey area in the whole uncomfortable-factor thing, because while trying to find out her identity is VERY invasive, it's something that like... everyone in the show tries to do, even her canon crush (scoops). on the one hand, it's really not a great look, but on the other hand, this is a cartoon meant to parody a genre in which this trope is extremely common. so i just wanna say that i have Issues and Thoughts on this aspect of their relationship, but there are other things i find more important to discuss here.

second, we have late tobecky: this is seasons 7-8. this is... a very strange and huge shift from the previous dynamic, though it's not necessarily obvious. what i mean by that is that for some reason, the show writers made it so that half of tobey’s rampages have nothing to do with his crush on wordgirl, even though that used to be the sole reason for his villainy. seriously. we have the birthday episode, where he's upset because he feels left out; wg vs tobey vs the dentist, where he's mad that he has a cavity; and trustworthy tobey, where his robot goes on a rampage... after becky accidentally makes it malfunction. the two outliers are ‘guess who’s coming to thanksgiving dinner’ and ‘patch game’, but they still differ from previous seasons because 1) his destruction is isolated to a forest far away from the city, and 2) his motive is still to impress wordgirl, but his methods are relatively tame. also he completely gives up on the secret identity thing??? i may have missed some things but i think he straight up tells her 'yeah there's no way you're wordgirl, lol' and the subject is just dropped for the rest of the show.

i also want to include 'the robot problem' here, because it's one of two season 6 tobey episodes, and follows the 'doesn't destroy buildings to get her attention' pattern: in fact, he teams up with her to try and stop someone else from going on a rampage (even if his reasons are selfish, lol).

and finally. the other season 6 episode. we have go gadget go, the bane of my time spent in the fandom. because GGG is the single episode where tobey truly manages to take away her autonomy, and proceeds to abuse that power for an extended period of time, for his own amusement. it's bad. it's Very Bad. put in the context that it's a white boy doing this to an (ambiguously) brown girl, it's REALLY REALLY BAD. and the more i look back on it, tbh, the more weirded out i am that the show not only made it seem like she wasn't affected at all within the episode, it just... forgot about it (which is not unusual for shows and especially children’s shows, but WG does make some efforts to either retain continuity or create canon reasons for why things are forgotten about). it's the kind of thing that you can't excuse and honestly you can't redeem (like at this point, you gotta ask yourself why you're spending so much effort trying to redeem this guy when becky has several other possible ships that are nowhere near this unhealthy - violet, scoops, honestly even victoria if you want another hero/villain ship, my absolute fave rarepair rose, etc).

so if you want to still ship it you have to just pretend that it never happened. (i remember trying for weeks to write something exploring the aftermath of this episode, to try and make myself feel better about it, but the more i wrote the more i realized just how traumatic this event should've been, so i eventually just dropped it.) and i brought up my own timeline of experiences earlier to point out that this episode aired eight whole years after the show started. which means that when i saw it, even though i was a huge stickler for canon at the time, i'd built up my own idea of the show and characters strongly enough to go 'yeah, no, this episode sucks and i am going to pretend that it doesn't exist'. and i think a lot of other people did too, because i really saw like... no one mention it, ever, except for some rogue fanfics over on ff dot net that already liked dynamics like that.

because here's the thing, and i don't know if people nowadays are aware of it? but i'm 80% sure (cannot find a source, so the other 20% is that it was just a rumor) that the show was originally supposed to end after season 6. and even if it's a rumor, it makes a ton of sense, because we get 1) an 'ending' to tobecky, which is a bad one, 2) a permanent wordgirl identity reveal that significantly changes one of the major dynamics in the show, 3) an episode where TJ gets to work with wordgirl and get a nice potential ending for their sibling dynamic, 4) an episode where we see Two-Brains explore life without his henchmen... the list goes on, and idk how many of these are just major stretches. but the point is. if the show had ended there, that would've been a pretty solid ending for many things, including their relationship: aka, it would prove that it was only ever heading somewhere bad, and when tobey finally has his moment of triumph, he is truly evil about it. and this provides us fans who HATE go gadget go with an easy reason to dismiss it - we can say that it was an attempt to conclude things in a way that wouldn't have happened if the writers had known they'd get more time. but despite that... it is still a canon episode.

it is odd to me how dramatically the dynamic shifts after that, though, because we seriously go from 'worst case ever, tobecky is toxic, your ship is dead' to 'no actually they get along and hang out and get ice cream together and tobey isn't even pressuring her into it, she's happy to go along with it :)' like, immediately. i never knew much about the show writers, so i don't know if the writers changed in between these seasons, but i would absolutely not be surprised if they did.

the earlier episodes are definitely problematic as well (though they pale in comparison to GGG) but i think everyone who ships it is aware considering that tobey is, yknow, a villain. from memory, he destroys buildings to get her attention, lies to her about the level of danger that people are in to trick her into spending more time with him, blackmails her into reading his poetry, and he creates a robot based on her that’s supposed to be devoted to him (but of course, all of these things backfire). not great stuff of course, but like... he’s a villain, that’s the point of his character. and considering that he’s a child these are things that can be redeemed, if done thoughtfully.

anyway, to sum up this section, the show starts off with a pretty standard 'enemies with an unrequited crush' setup, takes a really dark turn for a single episode, and then for the rest of the show takes their dynamic in a direction that makes it much, much easier to ship. as long as you ignore a lot of previous content.

wordbot: where's becky's autonomy in all of this? (misogyny)

we've finally gotten to the fandom. i recognize that a lot of this is going to come across as hypocritical considering how active i used to be re: this ship, but like... i'm a very different person now. anyway. disclaimer i guess - i don't write this to accuse all tobecky shippers of being like this - i know a lot of us aren't/weren't! but boy do i have things to point out, so without further ado:

it is very hard to ship this without allowing some bit of misogyny to slip into it. very, very hard. the entire premise of the ship involves a girl falling in love with a boy that repeatedly pressures her to date him via threats to the safety of herself and people she cares about, which... it's 2020, i shouldn't have to explain why that's terrible & a terrible example to set for children (which is why i am glad they never made it canon, tbh). best-case fan content has tobey stop pressuring her and start working to redeem himself out of an actual change of heart, which leads to becky seeing him in a new light. worst-case fan content treats his incessant pressuring and sometimes outright threats as something romantic - and even worse, romantic to the point where he deserves her attention and love as a reward for not giving up or whatever. i did see this pretty frequently for a while, especially in the earlier 2010s (didn't read much, Not My Thing At All), but i don't feel like going into detail here because of how obviously problematic it is. one medium (but still bad) case is where the fan content makes him start his redemption, but treats her liking him back as a reward for not knocking buildings over anymore. another not great case is where she tries to fix him with her love, which is a very common and very dangerous romantic trope. both are just... so incredibly unfair to her.

in content where she tries to 'fix him'... yeah i feel like it's really obvious how misogynistic that is. girls and women should not feel responsible for the evil actions of men, plain and simple. idk what else to say here i just really hate that trope and hated it back then and it just sucks! so can we not do that anymore, thanks.

in content that treats her like a reward for good behavior, there really isn't much of an explanation for what she sees in him. if she just goes 'oh wow, you're good now, i am going to fall in love with you for it' the whole thing falls flat because it makes NO sense whatsoever. we get to hear so much about tobey and his feelings and why he likes her and how he feels about it, but where is that energy for becky? why does she choose to trust him, to spend time around him, what does she enjoy about his presence? where is her getting over scoops in the process of falling for tobey? where is her telling her friends about this, confiding in them, asking them for advice? where is her choice in the matter?

win a day with wordgirl: do you guys even like becky or do you just like the idea of her (misogyny... 2!)

it was pretty standard for all fandoms the early-mid 2010s, but that's still not a good excuse for why so many tobecky fanfictions centered specifically around tobey's feelings while refusing to give becky the same level of empathy and nuance. it is true that to ship them comfortably you have to redeem him to some degree, which means spending time figuring him out and trying to find ways to pull him to the light without feeling super OOC. but ships take two people??? and there was so much potential for fanfics to explore becky's complex feelings on the matter - because she is! complex! she's heroic and kind but she's petty and has a competitive streak, she easily befriends villains but also doesn't trust them and doesn't believe they can ever really change, she's the savior of an entire planet but has feelings of inadequacy as her civilian identity and struggles with feeling like she can be successful without superpowers, she's great at the straightforward meanings and uses of words and loves reading but struggles to write passages that aren't dry as hell, it can be easily headcannoned that she's neurodivergent (special interests, issues with fitting in with her peers, taking things very literally, etc)... seriously there is SO MUCH to explore about her character, and a lot of it comes into play when you add tobey into the mix (literally ALL of the things i mentioned are explored at some point using tobey as a parallel or foil), but i rarely saw fanfiction that explored her thoughts on things further than 'he's evil but... maybe good?' or 'he's evil but... i kind of like him anyway?'.

if you want her to fall for him while being a villain, explore it!! why does she go against her morals? does she lie to herself about it to feel better? does she feel like she has to 'fix him' as part of her superhero duties to the city, and if so, how does that affect her as she tries and fails to help him? does she fall for him when she believes that he's turning good, only to feel betrayed when he starts acting worse because he feels like he can get away with it? it's such a shame that fanworks spend so little time even considering these questions, and it is absolutely a product of how deeply misogyny is/was baked into how we approach media (especially back then).

tobey goes good: but wait, i thought this show was progressive (a conclusion, i guess)

ifbrd wrote a great meta recently about how the show is a bit misogynist, despite being progressive in several ways. honestly i don't have much to add, but i'd really recommend reading through this; it makes a lot of great observations about the ways that male and female characters are presented differently through the show

i have little to add, so i'd just like to conclude with a reflection on the ship from my current viewpoint. i do think part of the reason so many of us latched onto the ship, despite how obviously problematic it was, is that the show treats a lot of things that would be serious in real life as normal or even comedic - which is fine lol, i'm not going to pretend that it's not a show for little kids, so they have to keep the tone light.

but if we, as teens/adults, decide to engage with this content in a more realistic manner, we have to be prepared to confront how messed up so many of the things going on really are. and if you still want to ship it, there's nothing inherently wrong with that! there's a lot of interesting things to explore in this ship, no matter what stage of enemies-to-friends-to-lovers you write them at, and it can be really helpful to have a space where you can explore a dynamic such as this in fiction. (speaking from experience here tbh, writing some fic for them helped me deal with complicated feelings about some ex-longtime friends.)

so to write this ship at all means that there are canon issues that you need to deal with if you want to have them end up in a healthy relationship in any manner that makes sense (unless you create an AU where none of that is applicable, which, power to you then). and i’m not saying ‘write them with a healthy endgame or you’re Bad’, not at all lol. but at least please, please take a step back once in a while to examine the dynamic that you’re writing, and please be careful about whether you mean to be romanticizing whatever behaviors you end up portraying as good.

#wordgirl #becky botsford #tobey mccallister #tobecky #tobecky critical #has anyone ever used that tag before LMAO #anyway: i may come back and reword the ending because i am not totally happy with it #but wow this is so many words. so many. send help

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sparkles-and-trash · 3 years ago

Note

You asked for modern atla headcanons. I am usually not that into modern AUs for ATLA, unless they’re set within the world of ATLA - unlike in other fandoms, I find it really weird when I can see a person’s highly regional lived experience stamped all over these characters. But I die for modern AUs where, for instance, Ba Sing Se has outgrown its original walls into a full-on megacity, or the Sato-style mecha - now piloted remotely - are being used by both the benders and non-benders of Republic City (non-benders trying to level the playing field, benders using all tools at their disposal to keep that from happening).

I was really disappointed by the weird political messaging of LoK and in many ways I feel like my desire to see the Gaang translated to that era or an era more similar to our own is a wish for a fixit where Toph’s not a cop and Sokka is around to push back at the assumption of bender supremacy in their society. If I wrote fic I’d write one set in a world similar to our own, with a similar anti-colonial plot as the first ATLA but with some of the conflicts of LoK season 2 added to the mix. I like the idea that the Gaang would at first be fighting an imperialist fire nation, but that Sokka (and Suki) would suck them into a more complex conflict with the world’s current power structure. They’re all in their early 20s instead of their teens - like maybe Sokka’s an engineer who ends up being scouted and initiated by a group of non-bender freedom fighters, and he has to manage his conflicting relationships with them and the Gaang. And maybe Aang and Katara don’t actually get it at first - like Aang’s like, how can you talk about supremacy when I’m literally the last of my people, and Katara’s like, all the Southern Water Tribe benders are dead or (more hopefully) imprisoned stfu, and Sokka’s like - what does it say about our world that benders are so powerful that the fire nation didn’t even consider us when they attacked the SWT - nonbenders still had to pick up the pieces though, and your life is still considered more valuable and important than mine. And Toph’s basically an shameless bender-supremacist that has to have this shit explained to her repeatedly despite the fact that she has experience being condescended to as a result of her disability. Like I want the Gaang to have a serious conflict around this but then actually come around to the idea that defeating the fire nation isn’t the only thing they need to accomplish.

Zuko would actually get it way more quickly, because he knows first hand the intimate damage bending can do, and I love to imagine Ty Lee surprising everyone by leaving Azula for this non-bender army, rather than for Mai or (tangentially) Zuko. She’d be like, yes, I will teach everyone chi blocking, and then they’ll never be as afraid of their “loved ones” as I have been. But Zuko would still be a shitty imperialist at first - just with differently shitty hair. He’d be doing more more intelligence-style stuff (basically Ozai would be like, you’re not even worthy of being called a bender, or being in charge of benders. Go sit in submarines and offices and geotag possible locations for the avatar and spy on the earth kingdom, and maybe if you find the avatar you can come home).

And at 22 Zuko would be mostly going through the motions, totally emotionally stunted, having spent all his time alone or with people he’s been taught to think were really beneath him, but he’d be slowly getting the idea that Ozai’s absolutely full of shit. “Spying” (he’s not very good at it) and spending all this time with non-benders has a)allowed him time to move in circles Azula never would (nobody but the royal family and a fire nation few nobles know about Zuko’s scar, so he’s not clocked as anything but a victim of the fire nation) and b) allowed him time to appreciate his non-bending skills (he’s still really into swords because Zuko’s always going to be a nerd) and the non-bending skills of his underlings. He starts wondering why these people are even working toward the fire nation’s goals, and then slowly realizing some of them actually aren’t - there’s a whiff of low-grade sabotage around a lot of fire nation missions, and Zuko begins to realize specific non-benders are responsible. He doesn’t immediately expose them - instead he (inexpertly) tails them to a meeting, and is promptly kidnapped by chi-blocking non-benders. Ty Lee obviously knows who he is, and while most of the leaders of the non-benders want to use him as some kind of bargaining chip with the fire nation, she nixes that idea on account of Ozai not giving a shit, and instead says, “shit, we’ll just have to imprison him.” Meanwhile Zuko’s like… this sucks but also I think you guys are onto something. Sokka (in glasses, because I love Sokka in glasses) keeps visiting him to gather intel (which he could just get from the more advantageously placed Ty Lee) and stare at him. And bring him food and films, and complain to him about the fire nation’s drone technology. And accidentally little bits of the non-bender’s plans. Eventually Zuko’s like you shouldn’t be telling me any of this, but since you are I’m going to help you with this stupid thing I think you might be planning that I know won’t work for reasons and tell you what to do instead. And Zuko saves a bunch of non-bender lives that day, so they begin to trust him more and more.

Of course this turns into yet another conflict with Katara once she and Aang are brought in on the fact that Sokka and his movement are working with the literal heir of the Fire Nation’s dictatorship. Aang is totally fine with it, and Toph (still a bender-supremacist, though humoring her friends in this new cause of theirs) is like, no, this is great, we need as many benders as we can get (Toph would be a sardonic goth if she could see colors well enough to avoid them - instead she’s just a very loyal asshole with dirty feet and a lot of brutal/abstract blackwork tattoos. She’s likes how much they scare people).

Anyway eventually they do all work together to no only unseat Ozai from his imperialist dictatorship but also begin an equalist uprising out in the open. Aang toys with taking everyone’s (and I mean everyone in the whole world’s) bending away but realizes the whole problem is benders having the power to make decisions for other people, so instead he throws himself behind the equalist cause (literally behind the leaders of the equalist cause) and says he’ll support their mechanization and their right to protect themselves (and agitate for laws wherever they live that support justice and protection for non-benders) with all the powers at his disposal. In the end they build republic city, which is envisioned as a multi-national city with non-bender representation build into its governing structure. Toph doesn’t become a cop. She goes around building literal bridges and tearing pavement out of places that shouldn’t be paved, and has three kids by different unnamed fathers and one of them is a non-bender that gets really into metallurgy but also talks a lot of loving shit to her mom.

Blah blah bah. I have overstayed my welcome in your ask box, but you got me thinking. If only I actually knew how to write!

my dude, you straight up sat down and wrote a whole ass one shot and sent it to me on anon???? you have to be an actual godsend???

nobody ever overstays their welcome in my ask box (if they're nice!), but this is above and beyond, I am blown away by how cool this is????????

I don't even know what to say tbh, and if you ever write this, or want to talk more about it, please feel free to hit me up, in any way, and I'd be stoked to hear more about it!!!

share your fav modern au head canons with me ~

#atla #atla au #Modern ATLA au #avatar the last airbender #anon #my dude #i am blown away #zuko #sokka #toph #katara #aang #just #woah

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readerinsertfanfiction · 4 years ago

Text

Appreciation

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Character: Jumin Hann

Prompt: None, really. It started out as a present for someone who is going through a hard time right now, but then it grew and it grew later and that someone is still going through a hard time, but it is awkward to push this on her now. Hahahaha, I hope it will cheer someone up!

Personal status: Still swamped, but now I’m mostly stressed which means that I spent my late hours writing until I fall asleep. #productivity.

Over the great vastness of the world the curiosity existed that, no matter where one found themselves, the moon was always the same and so were the stars that appeared at night. Though the hours were different and the location changed it was the same sky one shared with another continents away. Miles away Jumin Hann found himself consumed with the thought of you. How were you doing? Had you eaten? Were you asleep, or staring up at the sky like he was? Simple questions about your daily life, little wonders he had never paid attention to before. They made his fingers twitch, tickling his senses as he hovered over his smartphone, wondering if he could, or even should.

[Are you up?]

He texted, watching the indicator next to it jump over to ‘read’ almost instantaneously. You were awake and somewhere Jumin wondered if he was the reason why. Closeby him his only connection to you right now was through the screen, tapping away on the keyboard as he watched your status switch from read to typing.

[Can’t sleep?]

Your question was fairly innocent, but Jumin wouldn’t be half the man he was if he hadn’t noticed the way your reactions came out slower than usually. Or if he hadn’t noted how there was even a lack of your usual touch, that personalised tone you had managed to capture over text and he had grown so accustomed to.

[I wanted to hear your voice.]

His response. Your status switched over to speaking, sending a voice message over.

[“Can’t sleep?”]

He laughed at the repeat of the question. How determined you were to ask after and get an answer out of him. It was mumbled, soft and whispered. Jumin wondered if it was because you had just woken up, eyes still thick of sleep, or because you were trying to be mindful of Elizabeth the third. She did tend to get a little huffy when one woke her too early. There was also another possibility, and Jumin’s eyes couldn’t help but darken as without a second thought he hit the video call function.

“Ack, Jumin!” you exclaimed as soon as you came into view. Unprepared and awkward the businessman drew in a sharp breath at the sight of you, realising how much he had missed you as he heard and saw you. He missed touching you, he missed brushing that hair out of your eyes, he missed the whole thought of you near him.

“I wanted to check up on Elizabeth the third,” was his curt answer, and somewhere he could see that disappointment flash by in your eyes. It satisfied him to know that you longed for him in the same way he thought of you, but it hurt him as well to know that your mood was caused by him.

“I miss you as well,” the man spoke, matter of fact and honest. There was nothing the man felt the need to hide from you. “I miss you, a lot,” he repeated when you blinked at him, not quite believing his words, or rather confused at the suddenness of.

“I miss you too,” you finally responded with a soft sigh and a smile. It satisfied the man, but not entirely as he remembered the reason he had called.

“How are you?”

Jumin wasn’t one to be roundabout, but he didn’t want to come off too strongly, or force you to talk. Not when you seemed so tired already. Not when you looked like all you wanted to do was to waste away and forget about the rest.

A sigh escaped you, your eyes flashing to the side, as if contemplating to yourself to lie or to speak the truth. The two of you knew that it would be caught anyway. You weren’t much of a liar and Jumin was far too sharp to be fooled by you.

“I just want time to slow down, but also to speed up,” you sighed, conflict passing by your eyes as you weren’t sure how to express yourself. It was a rather vague explanation to the businessman as well, who had never been one for metaphors.

“It just feels like time is pressing upon me, too much to do, too few hours to do it. And then everything happens at once, as if the world doesn’t want me to take a breather,” you sighed, explaining yourself when Jumin remained quiet. “But at the same time I wished you could be here already, that your trip would wrap up and you will be back,” you sheepishly continued.

Jumin could only relate, a sigh escaping him when he listened to your complaints, hearing out the worries that had been pressed upon your shoulders, the things that he couldn’t help you with because of the distance, because it wasn’t in his place to. Because, somewhere, the man still felt like that robot that was unable to extend his sympathies in the way you deserved.

Drawing a sigh you cut yourself off from the rant, a deep exhale escaping you. “I didn’t mean to rant,” you apologise as Jumin remains quiet and the businessman then observes that he perhaps shouldn’t have kept quiet and only listened.

“I enjoy hearing you talk,” he says instead, realising that it might sound strange so out of context. “Though, I rather wish you didn’t feel so pressured,” the man continued wondering what point he was trying to make. It always seemed that his logic was gone when it came to you.

“I’m glad that you relieved yourself with me,” he continues, matter-of-fact, deadpan, forever honest and he can see you shift on the screen, as if uncomfortable. Had he assumed wrong?

“Unless you don’t feel relieved yet, then please continue. You have my attention after all.”

And to this statement you chuckle, a smile finally breaking through as you shake your head, the tension of earlier flowing away just like your fatigue, “I’m, I’m,” you sigh and Jumin knows you mean it, relieving him.

“Thank you,” you finally sigh after a silence and Jumin gives you a perplexed look, not quite understanding what he is being thanked for before it turns into a frown and what resembles a pout.

“As my significant other there is no reason to thank me. It is only natural,” the male speaks and you blush at the epithet, your smile unwittingly growing wider at his acknowledgment before realising that there is a teasing smirk on his own expression as he continues, “or should I say thank you for every day you’re with me?”

Awkward as the man was in expressing himself at times, you did always feel better whenever the two of you talked. Though the distance was great at times Jumin always had a ready ear to hear you out and a peculiar way in expressing his appreciation to you.

#mystic messenger #jumin hann #mm #jumin han #mm jumin #jumin x reader #mysme jumin #mystic messenger jumin han #mysme

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nellpire · 3 years ago

Text

[2109xx] Nell - Dazed September Issue 2021 Interview (translation)

Q: Four years since we last met, now Dazed is greeting you again like this. As a "Nell kid" who grew up listening to your music, speaking to the four of you feels surreal. What's new with you? Jaekyung: We've been continuously working on our new album. Jongwan: We've worked on it for about a year and a half and finally concluded our work the day before yesterday. Like COVID, we worked non-stop and immersed ourselves in composing.

Q: When will we get to meet it? Jongwan: Looks like it'll be somewhere between the 1st and the 3rd of September.

Q: I heard you're also in the midst of shooting a Nell documentary. Jongwan: We've put it off for the moment. Junghoon: There are too many variables in today's world.

Q: It's the same for all of Dazed's issues, there's no telling at all what will happen. And the same goes for who will sing Nell's masterpieces next. The band Gift did a remake of Time Spent Walking Through Memories not long ago. That's rare for them. Jongwan: It was a first for them as a band. We're well aware of their talent as we've been watching them on YouTube. We've wished they would play a song of ours. Jaewon: We're always keeping an eye on indie bands, and Gift stood out among those hoobaes. We were very grateful when they told us they were singing our song.

Q: Dazed readers in their late teens and early 20s remember that song so clearly too. Let's go back to that era of Nell. Do you remember each other's youth? Jaekyung: It's so long ago that it's hard to recall (laughter). We've talked about this many times already, but one of Jaewon's aliases in elementary school was "jjang". We were close friends, played guitar and drums. Jongwan was a kid who sang and played basketball well (laughter). Jongwan: We were just students who liked music. We wanted to learn to play instruments and played in school bands. Looking back now, we've been making music for a long time, but I doubt anyone thought we'd make it this far. When we were high school students all we wanted was to hurry up and graduate, and when we were in our 20s we just didn't want to turn 30… It was that kind of common youth. Jaewon: When I think about high school student Junghoon, he really listened to music a lot, and he still does. I remember he always had earphones or a headset on. Junghoon: (laughter) The headset was to look cool. I loved winter back in my school days. There's the winter jackets, and you get to wear long sleeves. Then you can wear the earphone cable inside your clothes and out through your sleeve. So in class I'd always lean my head in my hand to listen to music. Jaewon: Jaekyung was really tall back then too, and he was always running or playing basketball.

Q: The song "See you in five" from your "Colors in Black" album echoes in my mind. "Is my forced composure / fooling anyone? Let's meet in that place we used to go / If we keep this up / we won't see each other much before we die". I've suddenly reached an age where I can relate deeply to those words. Jaekyung: You might start a family as you grow older, and as the lines between you and your friends' lives become clearer in a whole new way, you naturally stop hanging out as much. In our 20s, 15 or so of us would gather and see each other almost every day, but now it's hard to meet up even once a year. I was doubtful when I read Jongwan's lyrics for the first time; "will we really end up like that?", but we really did. If we didn't have social media, maybe we would be strangers by now. Junghoon: And COVID only amplified that.

Q: I can relate. The fact that, supported by music, the connecting link between the four of you has remained unsevered for 20 years and you've managed to maintain your relationship is truly remarkable. What do the four of you talk about when you gather? Jongwan: It hasn't changed much. Current matters, events of the world. Things we found fun as kids. And when we work, music talk. To be honest, there's never enough time to talk about that alone (laughter). Jaekyung: When we wrapped up our new album not long ago, we had an after-party and talked a bit about the next album, too. Jaewon: We watch foreign artists' festival performances and envy them, and talk about past concerts. Jongwan: Maybe it's because we've been together for so long that we still have so much to talk about even in these times. Because we've spent so much longer without COVID than with it. For example, until the year before we last we always played festivals together, et cetera, so the volume of memories we share together is so enormous that we keep having new things to talk about, even in these past 1~2 years. Because talking about the past isn't someone else's stories, but things all four of us can share on a deep level.

Q: Being unable to stand on stage as a band musician and being unable to gather people has to be a deadly thing. The fans must be more disappointed than they can express. Jongwan: It's a given, but the fans are very disappointed. And I don't need to say anything about how we feel. Moreover we're not very good at communicating; we've always seen our fans through albums and concerts, so we feel even more apologetic now.

Q: The Nell fandom and its love is as deep and profound as the amount of time they've spent with you. Is there a fan that stands out in your memory? Jongwan: There are two. One of them is a person we always mention in times like these. This happened when we were all in our late 20s. Up until that point, the reason why we made music was very simple: Expressing ourselves. 100% for our own satisfaction. One person who felt very lost listened to that music of ours and told us this: "Living is so hard, but I gained comfort by listening to Nell's music. I found hope." It can be seen as something fans just say, but at the time it approached us in a heavy way. It was the first time we realized our music can have a positive influence on a stranger's life. It was also the first time we felt proud of something other than expressing ourselves. The second one is from 1~2 years ago, so comparatively recent. Someone collected all of our physical releases, CDs, DVDs and so on, framed it and sent it to us. Everything including the first albums we released as an underground indie band as well as our overseas releases. They sent it to us anonymously so we don't know who they are, but when we received it and held it, it was… what should I say? Emotional. Jaekyung: I too remember the moment I first saw it. It shone like the discography commemorations they hang in famous overseas studios. Albums are really important to us. That's what has let us promote and meet the fans at concerts for the last 20 years. How could we ever forget such a heartfelt gift? We put it up for display in our studio. Jongwan: Since the four of us meet and work every day, we can't document our 20s and 30s and so we're not aware of the passage of time. But those albums have the dates written in chronological order. Looking at it makes us realize that it's possible to summarize someone's 20-year history like that, from our late teens to our current 40-year-old selves, and it causes this temporary hollow feeling, but it also makes us look at our fans and the members, who've spent all that time together, in a different way. Because this is clearly not an experience everyone gets to have. So that gift was very touching. And we're also really curious who sent it.

Q: Is the essence of Nell's music still a skepticism, distrust of society or the world? Jongwan: There's still skepticism. I don't think I've ever felt this world is a good place to live. Life isn't always easy or happy, but I don't think that's a bad thing.

Q: How so? Jongwan: I think that's nature. Even two puppies will crave more love from their owner and be jealous of each other. Would the world humans live in be extreme? I'm the type to believe human nature is inherently bad, so I think it's an issue of living while being pestered by other people and trying to find a balance within that. So having a hard time and being skeptical is a destiny we can't escape. If you think this is bad, even the meaning of life becomes something negative. It's important to find precious, meaningful things even within that, and humans being able to do that is in my opinion something incredibly brave. But as for distrust, it's not something we always channel. The more detailed theme changes with each album.

Q: The analogy Jongwan made one time about Nell's music was very memorable to me: that Nell's music isn't a fancy restaurant, but a local place. Jongwan: On the one hand there's fine dining where you can enjoy perfect dishes, plating and interior design for a high price, and on the other there are local places frequented by people in the neighborhood and others who find it by word of mouth, that gives people small happinesses. Old restaurants you can find anywhere on the globe. There's clearly something you can only find in places like those, and I don't think that's far off from our direction. We're not uninterested in making it big and making our name famous, but from our perspective we're putting out music we can be proud of and we have people who respect that music. If we have people who gain comfort and happiness by listening to our music, that's meaningful enough in itself.

Q: I hope more people in Korea will realize the charm of local places and that we'll gain more of such bands and musicians. Not for nothing, Nell is like a lighthouse to so many new bands and young musicians. What would you like to say to them? Jaekyung: That if you're a band, you should try to let go of your personal greed to the best of your abilities. It's not like there was never any conflict between us four, but I want to ask you to think about whether those kinds of quarrels are important in making good music. Jongwan: "All in." It's far from easy, going all in. Not just in music; it's difficult to maintain the things you like in any field.

Q: By "all in", do you mean complete and total immersion? Jongwan: Making it the top priority in your life. I think if you make it even priority 1.5, you have almost no chance of succeeding. It has to be your top priority, so if it's not #1 for you it might not be worth it. You have to endure those difficulties, and if it's not your favorite thing, if it's not your #1 priority, I don't think you'll have reason to endure. There are people who are simply geniuses too, but I'm not one of them. I've seen so many cases where people thought they were all in, but they weren't really. If you want to go all in, then don't look back, don't think of anything else and throw yourself into it. Then someday something right for you will find its way to you, like a gift.

Q: No less than 22 years. The reason why Nell exists now is because the four of you believed in the power of music. What do you each think is the power of music? Jaewon: Empathy and comfort. There are times when musicians are comforted by their own music. Even if you don't feel 100% connected to the listener, even if you're just sharing the edge of your emotions, I think that's the clear power of music. Jaekyung: For musicians, the moments of making music are the most enjoyable, because nothing else can bring the same emotions. This might sound obvious too, but music needs no special explanation. Even if our languages, sentiments and ethnicities are different, music always speaks for itself. The power of music is something transcendental that all humans can enjoy and have in common. Junghoon: To sound a bit juvenile, music has a power that explodes momentarily. The kind of power that turns anyone into the main character of a movie. If I listen to music that amplifies my emotions when I'm feeling down, I can become sadder than any character in any movie. Some music gives you more energy than the main character in a high teen movie, other music turns introverted and passive people into rebels. Jongwan: Music can be the strength that keeps people living. An acquaintance's child was very sick with late stage leukemia. When their condition got worse, they were asked if they had one wish, and they said they wanted to meet us. I teared up when I heard about that. It made me think that music can sometimes be a source of incomprehensible strength that makes us want to live the time we have left. Of course, I'm not saying we make that kind of music (laughter). But it's because we believe that music has that potential and worth that we continue to make music even when we're at our wit's end.

Feel free to use, but please credit Nellpire.

#nell #dazed magazine #interview #translation

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wrctings · 4 years ago

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Pre-serum Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes | Let your heart be light

fandom: Marvel Univers characters: Pre-serum Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes summary: Where Steve and his mom spend Christmas Eve’s at the Barnes’s, Bucky takes a nap and Steve draws him. word count: 1.7k

writing a christmas one shot in february isn’t too late, right? i missed 30s steve and buck so of course i had to write some fluff <3

New York City, Christmas 1935

When the two boys slid their shivering frames through the doorway, shaking off the snowflakes caught in their hair and coats as they took the latter off, the first thing to welcome them was the delicious waft of food which had enveloped the entire apartment, the perky jingling of cutlery that emanated from the kitchen accounting for the fact that an active cooking activity was indeed taking place in there. Their cheeks rosy from the piercing cold and their breath short from having spent the afternoon out in the snow, they untied their shoes, leaving them in the corridor, and proceeded to the living room, where the warmth radiating off the crackling fireplace eased the prickling of their skin at once.

“Mom, we’re back!” Bucky announced, heading for the kitchen, Steve in his wake. “How are you? It smells so good in here!”

“We were wondering when you boys would come back and give us a hand,” Mrs Barnes gave them a smile, shaking her head. “It’s all fine. We should always make joined Christmas dinners, it’s a lot less exhausting than doing it yourself for the whole family,” she added gratefully, glancing at Sarah, who nodded in approval.

“Are you okay darling?” The blond woman caringly asked Steve, who reassured her with a light-hearted nod.

“If there’s anything we can do, we’ll be glad to help,” he then assured voluntarily, earning an affectionate look from the two women.

“Actually, I have a feeling you’ll cause more trouble than anything…” One of Bucky’s sisters retorted humorously.

“That may not be wrong…,” the brunet boy conceded sheepishly, eyeing all the culinary supplies suspiciously.

“Maybe you could dress the table, how about that?” Mrs Barnes proposed an alternative. “It’s a little too early now, but we’ll call you when it’s the right time. For the time being, why don’t you go put some records on?”

“Sure!”

“Steve, stay close to the fireplace!” The other boy’s mom called after her son as Bucky and Steve took off, shaking her head fondly as the blond promised that she didn’t have to worry (although he had barely recovered from a cold). “Kids…” Sarah muttered, sharing a knowing glance with Winnifred, who could only chuckle. “But at least they look after one another.”

“Thank God,” the brunette woman laughed, rolling her eyes. “Sometimes I wonder whether that causes less or more trouble.”

Meanwhile, Steve and Bucky set to complete the task that they had been asked to undertake. Rummaging through the music collection of the Barnes with great care, Steve selected a record which Bucky then placed upon the turntable, sparking up the soft whirring of the record player while he was cautiously manipulating the needle. A few seconds later, the merry tune of a Christmas song erupted from the device, taking over the far-off clattering and voices coming from the kitchen with smooth notes of jazz that swirled through the room.

“There we go,” a satisfied smile played upon Bucky’s lips, the young man letting himself tumble on the nearby couch with a deep sigh. “I feel like I could take a nap just now…,” he breathed out, lazily stretching out his arms while letting his head fall backwards against the backrest.

“Tired already?” Steve raised a daring eyebrow, teasing his friend with his usual playfulness.

“Shut up,” without even looking, Bucky grabbed a pillow and threw it toward the other boy’s voice, but missed the target. “How the hell do you still have energy?”

“I don’t, I just pretend,” the blond actually confessed, shrugging as he laughed. He never had to play pretend with Bucky, who always accepted him the way he was, no matter whether he caught Steve on a painful day of suffering from sickness, had to come to his rescue in a fight or simply met with him to hang out. Plus, his best friend had seen him in dire straits one too many times to unnecessarily play tough. “Alright, you take a nap, I’ll get my sketchbook.”

“Wake me up if I happen to actually drift off,” Bucky mumbled, momentarily straightening up just so he could cuddle up to the cushion set in the corner where the armrest and the backrest formed an angle. Through half-closed eyelids, he noticed Steve taking a seat on the floor and flick through the pages of his sketchbook, the flames happily waltzing in the chimney behind him sending glimmering beams across the young man’s shirt and skin, their reflection playing in the golden strands of hair that brushed his forehead as he craned his neck, concentrated on his sketch.

Lulled by the gay rhythm of the music and the regular, soft sound of his friend’s pen scraping a piece of paper, Bucky feared that he in truth might just doze off, the both peaceful and jolly atmosphere of the room exacerbating his body’s will to rest. However, there was no way he was going to leave Steve alone on Christmas evening, especially since they spent it together this year, so Bucky fought sleepiness back by trying to keep his mind awake. Just a few minutes, he told himself, I’ll rest for a little bit, then I’ll be ready to celebrate.

Since the early December evening had already dawned, the room would’ve been bathed in darkness if not for the chirping chimney and the bright lights that had been turned on, making it easier for Bucky not to let his thoughts succumb to the strain of his body. He wondered whether his family would like the gifts he got them, but especially if Steve would — since Bucky had more money, he always tried to get his friend a present that he would be particularly fond of for Christmas, and he knew that Steve would also do his best to offer him something nice in return, though with more limited means. But most importantly, Bucky was merely glad and excited to spend the 24th of December surrounded by everyone he loved most, especially since Steve and his mother were joining them around the table this year. In the end, gifts mattered little.

“Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?” Running a hand over his face, Bucky groaned while blinking several times, struggling to adjust his clouded sight to the lighting of the living room. It turned out that keeping oneself awake was quite a difficult task, even when one might tell themselves that their lively thoughts would keep their distracted from the lure of slumber. “What time is it?”

“Don’t worry Buck, it’s only been fifteen minutes,” Steve reassured him distractedly, still hunched over his drawing. “It’s nearly seven.”

Pushing himself away from the armrest of the couch, Bucky’s fingers tangled in his hair as he tried to make it sit properly, pushing loose brown strands off his forehead. Only fifteen minutes, that was acceptable. He yawned into the back of his hand, stretching his back, then swung his legs onto the floor and bent forward, trying to get a glimpse of Steve’s doodles — his gaze landed on the outline of a sofa, on which he recognised his own silhouette.

“You know I’m gonna become famous too if you do, right? I’m your number one drawing reference, at this point.” He joked, but the soft glow of his eyes, from either remnants of sleepiness or fondness, made it seem like he was actually both touched and impressed.

“It’s not my fault if you fall asleep on my watch. What do you want me to do? For once, something stays still while I’m sketching, I gotta make most of it.”

It took Steve another few minutes to come to end of his sketch of a sleepy Bucky, fixing the shadows playing in the folds of his friend’s clothes as his pencil adroitly glided across the paper. Bucky, still towering over the blond, kept on watching him draw above Steve’s shoulder, having always been fasciated by the way his friend could so beautifully make images come to life out of nothingness — no matter how much the other boy would get frustrated over a doodle that he struggled with, Bucky knew that it would still be infinitely better than anything most people could come up with. Seeing the curves and edges of his own body forming such meticulous shapes under Steve’s fingertips, the brunet felt like he had caught his own self plunged in a slumber; as if time had turned back to just minutes ago, and he could witness his reflection laying on the couch.

“Alright.” After one last stroke of a pen, Steve held the sketchbook up, analysing the outcome. Bucky could tell that he wasn’t disappointed with the result as the young man put it back down, not getting another hold of his pencil either. “You’re not still sleepy, are you?” He then turned around to give Bucky a quick smile, emerging out of the state of concentration that had taken over him while he was drawing.

“No, I’m not. It’s time for celebration now!” His friend retorted energetically, alluding to the festive Christmas tree that had been set in a corner of the room, the few colourful decorations tangled up in its branches and the golden star at its top gleaming as light ricocheted off them.

With a brief glance at the window, Bucky noticed that the snowfall had grown even stronger, thick and fluffy snowflakes coating the entire street and delicate flowers of frost already starting to spring upon the panes, adorning them with whimsical motives.

“Boys!”

Before Steve and Bucky had time to do anything else, Mrs Barnes’s voice reached them from the kitchen, rising above the music that had continued playing.

“Boys, come and set the table!”

“On it!” Her son shouted back, not a single trouble weighing his heart down as the only think he could focus on was this special night, full of the joy and warmth of sharing it with all the people dearest to him. “Shall we?” He took a look at Steve, unable to suppress a wholesome smile that he just couldn’t contain. And he didn’t want to.

“We shall,” his friend agreed, smiling back. “First to get to the kitchen wins?” and, before Bucky could answer, the blond was off.

“Steve, you have asthma!” was all that Bucky could yell after him, laughing as he trailed behind, however catching up fast.

“But I’m winning!”

A very merry Christmas indeed.

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thou-crusty-batch-of-nature · 4 years ago

Text

The rise and fall of our love

part one | part two

playlist: gold by nick murphy and chet faker

too young to burn by sonny and the sunsets

cold cold cold by cage the elephant

pairing: reader x james, lily x james

warnings: language, fluff, a bit of angst

A/N: hope you like my first proper series! i've been working on this for a while and i'm so excited to finally post it! feedback is very much appreciated so lmk what you think

also, credits to @approved-by-dentists for the iconic line "I'll drop kick your firstborn", you can check her frog memes here

and credits to the harry potter wiki fandom, I took those amortentia info from there

p.s. the cover is made by me

word count: roughly 2.4K

MASTERLIST

"You can't expect me to believe this!" James was looking at you with his mouth agape and exaggerated wide eyes which made the conversation slightly more embarrassing than it already was.

"5 minutes till midnight!" Sirius announced from a table with several bottles of champagne by his side.

"Well, you should. I'm telling the truth!"

"Y/N!" he shouted in a serious note, as if he was trying to decide whether you were lying or not. Your ears were burning. Someone hex me right now.

"James!" you answered - this was like a bad version of the Marco Polo game.

Something in your eyes convinced him of your honesty. "You have never been kissed on New Year's Eve!" he gasped with such amazement that you didn't have the heart to reveal that, in fact, you have never been kissed by anyone on any other occasion - you still needed that remaining bit of dignity. Well, not a real kiss, that is. The only time you have ever kissed someone was on a game of spin the bottle in 3rd year, when you and Remus shared a very awkward one-second kiss, that James never forgot to bring up every other day.

"Why is it such a big deal - I don't need a kiss to have a lucky year! I can manage fairly well on my own, thank you very much!"

The whole Gryffindor Common Room was buzzing with chatter, clinking glasses and loud music. New Year's Eve meant a great deal to gryffindors, whether it was for the booze, the games or the chance to kiss your crush at midnight.

You could proudly say that your presence was owed to none of the above, but rather to the persistent demands of your best friend, Marlene. Not that you didn't love a good party - it's the opposite, really. The only problem was your low intolerance to alcohol; three big gulps of beer were enough to make you the talk of the school for at least two weeks. And with Marlene and the marauders by your side, the chances of that to happen were outstandingly high.

"It's a matter of principle, it's about the neediness of human nature, about their need for closure and contact in order to feel full and satisfied! It's about the idea of knowing that you have emotional support!" he declared passionately with a hand over his chest.

"So, people are horny and they need to kiss other people for them to feel valid and worthy?" You scrunched up your nose in disgust. "That's messed up!"

"It's love, Y/N! It's not supposed to make sense, it's like magic!"

"You sound like a cringy girl from a romantic muggle movie!" You snorted.

"You're incredible!" James sighed, disappointed. "Alright, I'll show you, you'll see!" Soon enough, a gigantic clock appeared over the fireplace starting the New Year's countdown.

"9…" People were chanting joyfully.

"8…" You could feel James' stare, but you kept your eyes glued to the clock.

"7...6…5…" You sensed him inch closer.

"4…" He spun you around and cupped your cheek.

"3…" You were lost in his eyes. They were an infusion of spring and autumn, a melt of fiery leaves and honey.

"2… 1!" His soft lips met yours, and you could hear fireworks erupting outside the castle. You felt your soul implode. The kiss was shy, yet passionate. His hands were slowly grazing your back while yours found their way to his dark curls. It felt right - perfect, even.

Even though it was your first kiss, you knew it was the best you'd ever have. Everything was easier when you were with James, everything felt at peace. You pulled apart when you ran out of breath, still longing for more. Your whole face was on fire, and you let your forehead rest on his.

"Here you go. Wasn't that bad, was it?"

"Eh- t'was alright." you joked, trying to sound cool. You laughed nervously, though you were pretty sure it sounded more like a squeal. Great.

"Do you think Lily saw it?" Something in his voice made you realise that he wished she did. You were just a puppet in his cruel play. Your heart wrenched a little, but you managed to hide your pain.

"Don't know. I haven't seen her tonight." You were his friend. That's all. The kiss meant nothing for him, and that was okay.

Just great.

"I think imma go check on Marls." you said, trying to hold your tears back. "Thank you, for the kiss." you exclaimed sarcastically, though James didn't seem to notice. He nodded absentmindedly, his eyes already on a certain red-head.

Oh, you were so stupid! How could you let this happen? A wave of nausea washed over you while the knot in your stomach kept pulling at your insides.

You made your way through the sea of people, right where you knew Marlene would be. There she was: lounging on the couch next to Sirius, drinks in hands, talking about Merlin knows what. You suddenly felt very bad to disturb your best friends who were both clearly having a great time, so you quickly turned the other way.

"Y/N!" Marlene shouted. Shit. You quickened your pace, only to hear her shouts over the music. "Y/N Y/L/N stay where you are or I swear I'll knock you down!"

You continued to walk but stopped when you saw James and Lily a few steps ahead. She was laughing while he was whispering something in her ear. Lily spotted you and smiled teasingly. You took a deep breath. Defeated, you turned and saw Marlene's tall figure facing you. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

You haven't realised that until she asked you. Good thing that James was too busy fawning over Lily to notice.

Marlene didn't wait for an answer to take your hand in hers and lead you back to your dorm. She pulled you in her arms while you finally let your tears fall. You felt pathetic; how could you believe he would actually like you the way you did?

You told her everything apart from that unbecoming smile Lily gave you. They were also friends, not as good as you two were, but you didn't want to stir up any arguments.

You and Marlene have been best friends for over six years. You used to be quite an introvert, whereas Marlene was cocky enough for the two of you, so she made it her goal to get you out of your shell. And she succeeded - even too well, some would say.

And as for you and Lily, things were - you guessed you could call them decent. Neither of you made any effort to be besties, as Lily made it quite clear she didn't like you. However, you managed to become acquaintances for the sake of your friends'.

"Y/N! What is our number one rule?" she asked when you finished.

You sighed. "Bros over hoes."

"I will never put a boy over our friendship, Y/N. You come first. Especially when you have a problem."

"Okay, mother." you rolled your eyes. "I should've drank the damned firewhisky. It would have been a far better alternative to get shitface drunk than deal with all this."

"You're right." You glared at her. "What? You really are. That just proves my theory further: technically, alcohol is a solution."

×××

Naturally, the odds haven't been in your favour, and Lily and James were closer than ever. You would be lying if you said you were happy for them.

"Now, Y/N/N, that's just cruel!" Marlene said with her mouth full, spitting half of her breakfast on you. Then, she silently handed you a napkin. You gave her a nod of thanks. "I mean, I get it, you are a tad bit jealous, but that's understandable!"

"Am not!" you defended. "I'm happy for my friend for finding his love." You choked that word out. "Okay, I might be a tiny tiny bit jealous but that's not the case right now! I just don't understand his choice!"

"Ah… here goes that 'he could've had all this but he chose that' speech..." Marlene sighed.

"Yes- I mean no! That's not what I mean! I just don't like Lily!"

"I know…" she said regretfully. "She is a good friend to me, really - she's not that bad. I know you two had your problems, but… Wait, what are your problems exactly?" she squinted her eyes in confusion. "You've never told me the real reason you two don't get along."

"Well…"

"Good morning darlings!" Sirius interrupted, plopping down next to Marlene.

"Good morning to you too!" James chirped with a sheepish smile plastered on his face. He sat next to you, hugged you and you could swear you heard him squeal.

"Well, someone seems to be in an awfully good mood this early in the morning. Waddup?" you ask, popping the 'p'.

"Someone got back to the dorm very late last night after having spent the entire day with -"

"LILY-FLOWER! HERE!" James got up and waved frantically towards her. She furrowed her brows when she spotted him next to you and you quickly averted your gaze.

"Hello there!" she smiled, sitting down on the other empty spot next to James. She took his hand in hers and glanced at you. You rolled your eyes.

"Is there something wrong?" Lily asked innocently.

"Nah, everything's alright." Just my back hurts a little... from all the stabs. The intensities of your stares could burn holes through each other's bodies.

"Y/N, have you finished your DADA essay? I think it was due Wednesday and I haven't written a word!" Remus cuts in, sensing the tension. You made a mental note to thank him later.

×××

"So what was all that about?" You were in the library "helping" Remus write his essay - in reality, you were munching on his chocolate while he was reading.

"What?" You decided to play dumb, hoping he would drop the subject. Remus leaned in his chair and rubbed his eyes. It was too early for any of this.

"Your 'friendship' with Lily." he air quoted.

"There's nothing wrong with us…"

"Oh, then let me call her here and make friendship bracelets together!" he mocked. "You almost hugged to death out there!"

"Quiet!" you heard madam Pince's high screech.

You let your head fall in your hands. "Is it so obvious?" you whispered. He gave you the are-you-kidding-me face and you groaned.

"Fine! The truth is that I don't know why she hates me! I've tried to be her friend for so many years, ever since she became Marl's friend - and she rejected me every single time. Not to mention that she has never been the nicest to me. And now she acts like I drop-kicked her firstborn and I'm sick of it."

"So nothing happened?"

"Nothing that I know of…"

"Huh…" It was clear he expected somewhat of a greek tragedy. You glanced at the clock and cursed, you were running late to class. "Remus, we gotta leave."

You both got up in a hurry, stuffing parchments and quills in your bags. "Potions?"

You checked the time again. "In five minutes."

"Shit."

You sprinted down the halls of Hogwarts, going on every shortcut you knew. You reached the classroom faster than ever - seriously, you must’ve broken a record.

"What time is it?" Remus asked, a bit out of breath.

"10:04" you managed to say.

Remus knocked on the door while you struggled to keep an upright position - you had to admit that you were a bit out of shape.

"Ah, Remus and Y/N, I was beginning to worry! Everybody is late today! Do you happen to know about Potter and Lily's whereabouts?"

"No, sir."

"Probably in a broom closet." Sirius said between coughs. Slughorn decided not to hear this remark.

"Very well, then find your seats and get your books out." You hurried towards the empty desk behind Sirius and a now-seated Remus. Where was he?

"Now, as I was saying. I prepared some concoctions this morning which you can find on your desks. Any ideas what these might be?"

"It's Armortentia!" someone from the front exclaimed.

"Excellent! Now, this is the most powerful love potion in existence. It causes a powerful infatuation or obsession from the drinker. Despite its power, Amortentia doesn't create actual love; it's impossible to manufacture or imitate love."

You were already growing tired. "Miss Y/L/N, you seem awfully relaxed. Care to reveal what scent do you smell?"

Your head shot up from the desk, trying to remember the question. You were ready to ask the professor to repeat it when you saw Sirius pointing to his nose and then to the potion.

Thanks, you mouthed and Sirius winked.

"I smell…" you started, closing your eyes and sniffing the liquid.

"I smell gingerbread, old books and…"...James. You quickly opened your eyes as the realisation dawned onto you. "... musky cologne."

"Wonderful, miss Y/L/N! Now, in the hour that remains you and your desk mates will have to brew an acceptable vial of Amortentia, helped by the example before you and of course, your books. So, open the books at -"

A loud knock interrupted Professor Slughorn. He turned his head just as James and Lily barged into the room all giggly and blushy.

"Excuse us, professor! We had some urgent Prefect duties!" Yeah, right.

"You are a tad late, I'm afraid. Oh well, you may come in, I've just finished the instructions for today's lesson. Potter, there's an empty seat next to Y/N; Lily, you can take a seat next to Miss Macdonald."

"Hello, roomie!" James whispered when he sat down, wiggling his eyebrows. "What are we brewing today?" he asked. Why did he always have that stupid smirk on his face?

"That!" you pointed towards the tiny cauldron in front of you.

"Hmm - let me see." he leaned forward to look at it, then scrunched up his nose when he tried to smell it.

"Bloody hell, Y/N! Do you bathe in your perfume? And what is with this smell - lilies? Are lilies here? Well, besides the most beautiful one over there?" he nodded towards Evans.

You couldn't help but blush and look away. You were sure you didn't put any perfume on this morning, so that meant…?

"We are brewing Amortentia, you barmy wanker!" you heard Sirius' wheezy voice, who was trying and failing to hold his laughter.

"Oh" James said, rubbing his neck. "Shit."

Shitty indeed.

You were in deep.

****

part two

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