#also i say this as someone who experiences these so don't call me insensitive

[jewish-vents]

Lost another friend and need to rant about it. This is gonna be long and all over the place: apologies in advance.

I hate how unfair the world is to us. I hate how all the good leftist principles apply to every minority except us. I hate how the world ensures we see that it treats us differently so we can feel totally isolated (we are) and give up. I hate how we aren't given basic human decency like everyone else. I hate how even as I write this, I fear being misunderstood.

I'm a "Jew of color" and the gentile who I am no longer friends with is POC like me. I had to cut them off because they have more contempt towards me (they also treat me like I'm the representative of all Jews) than white people.

I express my experiences with antisemitism and my sadness about how bad antisemitism is right now? They would tell me I'm insensitive and selfish because Palestine. "Just go outside and you'll be fine" but going outside is how I experience antisemitism. Antisemitism is a real thing, I would say. It's not just a few hate comments on a screen by trolls like Hitlerfan123. We are not safe anywhere and we can't hide. This isn't an exaggeration to trick you like the evil Jew I am. And they would just bring up Palestine again. And again. To shut me down and to shut me out. I would get defensive and they'd tell me that I'm acting like a white person. White tears. White fragility. BUT YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, I would say. And they'd tell me I'm acting hysterical. That the zionists put me in some delusion where the world is out to get me but I'm actually fine and no one wants to hurt Jews.

"You're acting like a white person who says "we get hate crimed too" whenever a poc talks about their oppression" they said. They made a few comparisons like that. I tried so hard to get them to understand me. To acknowledge our pain.

Don't they know I can feel pain too? I observed how they would constantly post stuff like "minorities must stick together". They would keep an eye on hate crimes for everyone but us and actually listen to their stories. Do they even know how soul crushing that is? To feel so completely alone?

I couldn't even talk about the Holocaust with them. Every time I tried to, they'd have to say "the Holocaust isn't unique and all genocides are connected" at least once. And it's so fucking unfair. Why are we the only ones being told "we're not special"? These "you and your experiences aren't unique" conversations start and stop with us. I would never, ever tell anyone slavery isn't unique because slavery was unique. I would never go up to someone and tell them oh btw the genocide of your people wasn't unique. That's EVIL. And yet it only happens to us. Before anyone misunderstands me, I know right wingers routinely say this to minorities. But the whole bird mocks and belittles us. Regular people go out of their way to remind us "we're not unique or special". I shouldn't have to give a million disclaimers either. Only we are told our genocide isn't special. I honestly wouldn't care if the people who told me that said the same thing about other genocides. But they never do. They'll go on to talk about how unique every other genocide is and then come back to us with "the Holocaust isn't unique". You only ever talk about the Holocaust when it's time to say "everything's connected" and yet you're surprised I call you an antisemite?! If you can't talk about the Holocaust without mentioning other genocides and other minorities, you can't gaslight me into thinking I'm an anti-intersectionality asshole.

And then there's the speaking over us thing. I dumped my ex friends who were all POC/queer/etc for this very reason. I'm on the floor in pain sobbing about antisemitism and you think you know being a Jew more than me. I say something like "hey Zionist can be a slur towards Jews" and you immediately disagree and try to argue with me. "But my other Jewish friend said otherwise so I don't believe you". Or "This random Jew i follow online says otherwise". I have never been so dehumanized.

Can't forget the "weaponization of antisemitism" thing. I hear this all the time now. Who do they think they are? Gentiles have never felt more comfortable. They are afraid to criticize or say anything about other minorities and will even bend for them but with us, it's "Jews cry antisemitism". And as I said to my ex friends, don't be shy. Expand this convo TO EVERYONE YOU PRICKS. Tell POC they weaponize racism. Tell gay people they weaponize homophobia. And they never do. Because anything flies with Jews and Jews alone.

Okay rant over. I hate this world

.

[adventuringblind]

Hi ! Idk if im doing this right, its my first time sending a request…

Anyways, I loved ur autistic!reader x Oscar fic and i was just wondering if you could write more about them :)

I would love to read something about how she would interact with the other drivers / how they would interact with her!

If you don’t want to write that then you don’t have too! I love your writing and would love to read anything you post <3

Have a nice day, bye 😊

Grid Encounters

Oscar piastri x Autistic!reader

Genre: Fluff

Request: Yes, and with the amount of people who want to see Oscar and his Autistic partner, I will potentially make this a series:). Also, I'm still open for requests

Summary: Shenanigans on the grid take place when Oscar and his girlfriend are there

Warnings: idk I don't think there is

Notes: Trying a new format, let me know what y'all think!

Masterlist

It didn't take long for some of the drivers to catch on

Others were completely oblivious

Oscar and Lando both found it incredibly entertaining when she struggled to filter her thoughts

Her opinions and comments about things making them laugh hysterically

When someone told a joke she didn’t understand and gave them a blank stare, the reaction to them was funnier then the joke.

Oscar always swooped in to save her

Explaining what everyone found so funny in a way that made it all click for her

Max became close with her easily

She listened intently every time he started Maxsplaining or info-dumping

It was obvious to her when he was joking

He appreciates her laughing at his jokes

Charles is absolutely clueless

The two often staring blankly at the other

No thoughts, head empty

Until they figured out their shared interest in music

Then they wouldn’t shut up

Lando appreciates her tastes in food

Specifically the lack their of

Finally he could go out to eat with someone who understood him and his pickiness

Much to Oscar’s dismay

Daniel is very sweet with her

He tries his best not to shout in her ear and if he knows he’s going to be loud he’ll make sure to warn her

He gets defensive whenever someone gets insensitive

He’s always ready to tell someone off if they aren’t listening to her and what she’s saying she needs

Lewis was always wanting to know as much as possible

Learning to help make people aware of the hurtful stereotypes

It was refreshing to see and she openly answered any questions he asked

The reporter and journalists on the other hand, had yet to learn their lesson

It became a game among everyone who was regularly in the paddock

A game they called “which journalist would be getting a blunt answer today”

They always wanted to know why she did the the things she did

In which they would either receive a blunt and unfiltered answer

Or a sarcastic remark

“Is this the new style?”

“Sure. But I just find it comfy.”

“Do you ever get annoyed by things around the paddock?”

“That’s a stupid question. Don’t you have a degree for this stuff?”

“How do you and Oscar celebrate?”

“We party really hard. Drink a lot… of water. Lay on the floor. I’m always exhausted after.”

Speaking of the floor

She had a habit of always being on it

She determined that some floors were better then others

Oscar loved to indulge in her experiments

Rating every floor she was willing to lay on

They once were judging to tarmac on the circuit

Other drivers were doing track walks

Eventually they joined in

The journalists were confused at why half the grid was laying in the ground determining if they could sleep on it

It was a nice change, being around people who didn’t label her and accepted all of her quirks

Oscar was glad she felt at home around the paddock

He loves her for who she is

So seeing her smile about her environment and being accepted into his grid family made him smile too

[shootingstars244]

THOUGHTS ON TODAY'S CAFAE LATTE EPISODE (aka, what I think and don't think is happening to JC and why)

I don't think it's a relapse. JC was in Nicole's car and was on their way to her house after a dental appointment. They would've at least texted her to say they were sick, if they'd lie at all. Also, divination would work as JC can't block it themself and the charms in Nicole's car are hers so likely wouldn't register her magic as a threat.

I don't think that JC got arrested. There's a unicorn horn in Nicole's car and they would've had a phone call by then, likely to Bob, Cyrus, or Nicole to get them out or help them. Also, JC's location on their phone wouldn't be turned off and (unless the cops are particularly magical) divination would work.

I don't think that JC owes an evil fae. When they were introduced they were mostly clueless about the fae, if they had experience with a particular malicious one then they would be alot less likely to give Bob their name. Also, it would've been brought up by now as they are notoriously bad at masking their emotions so, even if they didn't want the help, the truth would've likely been dragged out of them.

Also, I don't think that JC got taken by ICE. Alongi typically references and includes themes to talk about them and their effects. Having JC get grabbed by the American organisation that is currently sending people to "camps" in El Salvador would be incredibly insensitive to the people who are currently genuinely suffering in horrific conditions.

Finally, CM Alongi has said in a newsletter a few months ago that she was planning for someone to be brought to the fae realm, specifically Bob's home kingdom Ivae, and has recently shown props that would indicate that. This makes the most sense to me because JC hasn't had anything paranormal happen to them directly yet. Yes, they practically throw themself at any theat but they're never really the target. Think about it!

-Nicole got mind controlled by Vlad

-Bob got cursed with bad luck after being held captive

-Rethu got a love spell lobbed at them + their nibbling was stolen

-Cyrus got fae-napped + Erik made a stupid deal with a coven

Each time, JC got directly involved in the situation but it wasn't targeted to them. Also, for a human surrounded by paras, they are scarily comfortable with their name being said and shared. Ergo, if they did get captured by the fae realm it would give Alongi a wonderful opportunity to exploit this.

Finally, the other character that constantly throws themself in danger? Bob. She's the powerhouse, the foundations and founder of the Cafae, she is the Iron Witch. If Alongi follows the Prologue of her unreleased book then she literally cannot help them as magic is in place to stop her from entering the fae realm. Therefore, it would objectively be the most dangerous situation the Cafae crew have been in.

Additionally, JC would be considered the weakest and the least useful by fae standards. Most of the Cafae are paranormies so, even though Drek isn't exactly tough, they have magical value. The ones who are human (Nicole and Husniya)? Husniya has links to human authorities and formal training and Nicole is a practiced witch who was able to take down a faeire circle within a month or two of training. JC, however? Isn't magic at all and the only fighting training they've were gangs and juvie. To the fae that Bob rebelled against, they are just a man (epic the musical ref.). They are just a human that Bob has taken a liking to, potential bait, and they have no magic to protect them from the fae.

[sevilynne]

Sorry in advance, I'm going to rant here a bit.

Why do 80% of Snaters have to bring his looks into the discussion? Like, the way he looks has nothing to do with his character! I just saw another post calling him a "disgusting, oily, ugly man" in their rant on how he is an evil person, like... I look, apart from being a woman, exactly like him. Like, I 100% match the book description. Crooked teeth, shoulder long hair that gets greasy way to quickly, big, hooked nose, dark eyes, too skinny, walks in a "gliding" way: that's me! Why do the marauders fans have to do this?! Don't they realize that there are people, who will look like the charakter they hate on? This fucking fandom made me so insecure about my nose, that I am considering an operation at 19 years old! I just cried for half an hour after seeing jet another post about how ugly Snape is and no wonder he never found love! It just causes so much pain. If they want to hate on Snape's character, fine by me! But why can't they leave the way he looks out of it? Why?

Sorry for freaking out here, but you are one of the few pro Snape accounts one can write to anonymously and I don't want them to be able to figure out who I am. Thank you for reading this messy thing i wrote, it just needed to be said.

I must offer my deepest, sincerest apologies for posts you’ve seen. Alas, Marauder Stans possess a troubling insensitivity and thoughtless disregard for the nuances of character and narrative. In Sev V. S Marauders arguments, when they find themselves cornered without a coherent defense for their beloved quartet, rather than talk about the substantive truths about Sev, they instead throw callous, almost vulgar fixations on his appearance.

Marauder Stans, as fervent as they may be, are often proved problematic. Their disdain for Sev runs so deep that they not only dismiss his importance and erase him from his own circle but also stoop so low to attacking his appearance and ridiculing his poverty.

Marauder Stans seem to revel in disparaging Sev, often going out of their way to strip him of any redeeming qualities. It's that they take pleasure in rewriting his narrative, erasing his virtues and amplifying his flaws, making a one-dimensional caricature that serves their biases. It's a weird thing, revealing more about their own prejudices than about Sev himself.

Your appearance is a distinctive and beautiful part of who you are, but it does not, in any way, define your value or your capacity to be loved and cherished. Those who resort to attacking someone’s looks often do so because it’s the quickest, most mindless way to inflict pain. It says more about their own insecurities than it does about you. You deserve to be appreciated for the incredible person you are, far beyond the surface.

Please remember that you are so much more than any fictional character, you have your own unique story, rich with experiences and emotions that are entirely your own. Here, you are loved and valued for who you are, regardless of how you look or the way you express your personality.

You can always try to block every Marauders Stan who spews negativity about Severus’s appearance. Hypocrisy is those are often the same people who accuse him of bullying, completely oblivious to the irony of their own actions. They fail to recognize that by mocking an 11-year-old who grew up in the grip of poverty and isolation, they are perpetuating the very behavior they 'condemn'.

Have a pleasant day! (Apologies, I'm bad at comfort. And in summary, they hate Severus's character by itself and it's appearance and NOT because he bullied kids, and people like spewing insults at Severus because he is conventionally unattractive, unlike Potter and Black.)

[sweet-chimera]

TW: Call out post, drama

// Damn we were going to keep it quiet and respectful until this point. because like always. Spork, aka Shiloh can't take accountability and Never does anything wrong despite the fact that this is the what? 6th group of people enmass to cut contact with them? Spork we were being quiet about it for YOUR sake. Cause you're a bad person and we wanted to be done with you. But fine. We'll do it your way. We blocked you because you're a toxic person who threatens to harm yourself when we don't comply to you. Not because of a fake wedding rp event. Content and stories under the cut. Long post trigger warning

And because he named dropped us, potentially to potentially insight violence on us. We'll return the favor. We were willing to just soft block and call it a day but then you do this? We knew you were a karen but come on spork. This is low even for you. For those of you that don't know, Spork aka:

patchiesdoodles, decipheringmadness, cxpescxwlsandcrxmes, ifyouwouldloveme, thegreeksknewthescore, fxllen-cne, thxpatriarch, unforgivendivine, AND the-blackened-dove.

Likes to block evade, exhibit controlling tendencies towards their rp partners, leverage marginalization's to groups that he doesn't belong to to white knight and get his way, tone police, sexually harass people mainly on voice call, guilt trip, bully those that speak out against him, use his partners to harass people who block him, vague posts, gives ultimatums, and threaten self harm when he doesn't get his way.

Lets get this out of the way, My experience with spork

I met spork in the muntain june 2023. And it was one of the most grating experience of my life. At every chance they got they spoke over people, talked openly about their sexual trauma when no one has consented to hearing it. And tone policed me, a cambodian/afro indigenous person from baltimore, for using language that was "Offensive to black people." Only to then lay off after yelling at me for a few minutes. When he found out I was black. (Screen shot of me talking to the mod of the muntain afterwards)

I was off put, and upset. That someone who is this complexion

is tone policing me, AN AFRO INDIGENOUS PERSON WHEN I MAKE NO ATTEMPTS TO HIDE IT. IM BLACK.

But seeing as we're a vastly neuro divergent community. I forgave and forgot because it wasn't worth the fight. it didn't stop them from constantly bringing up sexual or traumatic topics. But at the very least. They were upset at me for using AAVE and saying the N word. A SLUR I CAN USE.

But then later down the line. I talked to the muntain mod about introducing my partners to the rp community and to help the transition go smoothly.

I EVEN WENT INTO VOICE CALL AND BEGGED THEM, SPORK SPECIFICALLY. TO BE ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOUR.

My girlfriend joined on the 30th and my boyfriend joined on the first.

During the first call on the 30th. Spork dominated the conversation and flirted with my girlfriend infront of me upon finding out we were polyamourus. But for the most part was respectful.

On the voice call on the second. They were racist and immflamatory to my boyfriend. Tao. A native mexican man. Spork claims to be indigenous themself but I have no proof of this. But as we all know, Abrahamic religions have decimated the indigenous populations and caused Alot of harm.

On voice call. Spork brings up their LITERAL JESUS CHRIST muse. And talks about their religious trauma. Tao, also talks about his in the form of a joke. "Oh Jesus sure liked to wash feet huh?" A TRUE FACT. NOT THAT BAD. WE ALL HAVE MADE FUN OF IT.

Here comes white knight Spork, yelling at my partner to not make fun of jewish traditions. Its insensitive and blastephemous. Only to then dominate the conversation to talk about their trans jesus muse who openly talks about being abused by god

(Recap of the voice call i had with the mod)

So spork, a white passing person AT BEST, told my darker complexion NATIVE MEXICAN BOYFRIEND. That he shouldn't make jokes about judaism? When spork is a white satanist? And all abrahamic religions not just Catholicism has caused damage to our populations? You didn't even let him say more then that one joke, you didn't even give him 10 seconds to say is name before dominating the conversation again

Sweetie. 1.) Anyone can criticize and make fun of the bible, the torah, or the Quran. 2.) SAYING JESUS WASHED FEET. WHICH IS TRUE. IS NOT AS INFLAMMATORY. As making a gay trans jesus blog AS A ROLEPLAY CHARACTER. To talk about how god abused him.

And these are just my personal experiences with spork.

WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THEIR FRIEND POLITELY ASKED TO STOP SHIPPING BUT STILL BE FRIENDS?

HMMM. THATS WEIRD. THATS A PRETTY POLITE WAY TO GO ABOUT HAVING A CONVERSATION. BECAUSE CONSENT TAKES TWO PARTIES. WHAT WAS YOUR RESPONSE TO ONE PARTY NOT CONSENTING SO YOU DONT GET YOUR WAY?

OH YEAH.

YOU VAGUE POST ON THE DASH, GUILT TRIP PEOPLE FOR STILL ASSOCIATED WITH VOID (gin-n-chthonic) and get upset when you saw them on your dash because you keep block evading them to see if they were talking about you. YOURE MENTAL HEALTH WAS MESSED UP BECAUSE YOUR FRIEND HAD A POLITE CONVERSATION WITH YOU? ABOUT NOT REAL CHARACTERS? AND YOUR RESPONSE WAS A PUBLIC CALL OUT POST. And then you go around to people like slurk.

Who've you've been codependently abusing for a long time. And try to guilt trip them into blocking void.

Because thats a sound response. AS WELL AS BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT IT IN CALL FOR DAYS. THIS ISN'T EVEN INCLUDING THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A HABIT OF GETTING YOUR FRIENDS AND PARTNERS TO ATTACK AND OSTRICIZE PEOPLE FOR YOU. Remember when jessica was sick with covid. But you wanted an answer so bad. That you sent your boyfriend after her? CAUSE WE DO.

And how you admitted in voice call that you would type from Boogies account to send people things, speak for him. OR ADMITTED THAT ROLEPLAYING IS A SPIRITUAL THING FOR YOU. How these characters are extension of yourself and if they feel pain or rejected you do? So every time someones muse doesn't want to interact with them. YOU A REAL HUMAN BEING FEEL THE PAIN?

cause we do.

SO LETS RECAP. TLDR;

you give ultimatums

guilt trip

block evade

were openly racist to a mexican indigenous man

hit on my girlfriend infront of me

can't read a room socially

send mobs after people

talk about traumatic shit without peoples consent

overly sexual even when we say we're uncomfortable

fly off the handle and go on public tirades when we try to talk to you, then get surprised when no one wants to talk to you and just quietly exits your life

use your loved ones accounts to talk to people who go nc with you

only white knight and virtue signal when its convenient to you

want to control everyones character and insert your muse into everything but when they don't comply you guilt trip, bitch, give ultimatums, or post publicly about not being loved

you weaponize your marginalization as a trans man but are clearly white passing and command alot of social power from your social media presence

sexually harass people around you

and you tone police the people of color around you when we speak up

WE DIDN'T BLOCK YOU OVER A FAKE RP EVENT. WITH FAKE PEOPLE THAT YOU INSIST ARE REAL. WE REFUSE TO BE AROUND YOU BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO GET HELP FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. WE BEGGED YOU TO. AND YOU GUILT TRIP PEOPLE WITH THREATS OF OSTRICHCIZATION AND SELF HARM.

YOU'RE A BAD PERSON SPORK.

[prumanoenjoyer]

Random thoughts on Gilbert because uni's been keeping me busy and I haven't gotten around to drawing/cosplaying in a while:

I think modern day Gilbert differs quite a bit from how he used to be (somewhat?? supported by canon??). Taking the historical context into consideration and the oftentimes extreme ideals of religious devoutism, masculinity and imperialism surrounding him at any given time he was probably not doing very well back then. Who you could be as a man was (and still is in many ways) restricted to narrow and often unrealistic standards. What I envision is him being inconsiderate, traumatized by war and lashing out at other people because of what he's done and what he has endured.

Modern day Gilbert has finally healed and processed some of the things he's been through.

Adding on this: not saying he was always some brute, I do think he had his sweeter and softer side as evidenced by Gilbird being around in earlier comics and Gilbert even making him clothes around the 18th century ish???

This takes place pre the Napoleonic Wars I believe, someone correct me if I'm wrong.

Anyway he's always had a "less manly" side to him in the form of empathy for smaller creatures and how nurturing he is to them (and Ludwig/HRE).

That brings us to my next idea; I think Gilbert had a wake up call when he suddenly gained a younger brother who depended on him during some tumultuous times. It was then he realized he couldn't go on as he had and made efforts to become a better person, for Ludwig's sake. He did not deserve to endure the same, harsh conditions Gilbert had endured at his age, and perhaps he finally realized just how damaging it had been to grow up in a strict, fanatical and militant environment that did not allow you to be different. Now I don't think he fully just drops it all and moves on, we do know he values hard work and is a bit of a perfectionist still and romanticizes his past somewhat, but I think he improved upon these practices and developed a more healthy way of being.

Now onto the immortality stuff. Sure, in reality the personality changes in this series happened because Hima developed the characters and got rid of some cringy/insensitive/problematic traits. I do however think you can make a case for it making sense in universe as well. The unhinged Gilbert we meet in the beginning of this story shows up around the mid 1700's during the War of the Austrian Succession. At this point he's already been around for at least 500 years. That's half a fucking millenia! What I propose is that you won't always cope well with immortality, and that he at this stage is pretty badly bruised by time and memory and experiences far beyond that of an ordinary person. Since we do see nations older than this act relatively fine I propose that it can be a bit of a make it or break it point for them, but that they usually find their footing again.

A totally sane and normal Gilbert about to commit a war crime by executing an enemy who has surrendered. Also showcases a surprisingly dark side as mentioned before. (Battle of Grunwald 1410)

Really taken out of thin air, but given how many kingdoms subsequently dissolved as a result of the unification 1876, you could make out some grim implications for the Hetalia universe. These nations are dead as far as we know, or at least faded completely into obscurity. Given that Gilbert and Roderich arr the only ones that make it out of this (history nerds will know that the Großdeutsche Lösung never happened, so Roderich can presumably be removed from the picture) one has to wonder what that implies for Gilbert. Was he chosen to remain? Would everyone truly be ready to die for this? It's a bit muddled and we probably won't receive any answers anytime soon, but it is possible Gilbert signed their death certificates and never looked back, even though he refers to the other Germanic nations as cousins or brothers. Eerie stuff.

Anyway! Modern day Gilbert, as we see from later comics, is a bit of an unemployed used-to-be. He marvels at long Furbies and oftentimes just appear to provide commentary, rather than play an active role in what's happening. So I reckon he's calmed down considerably (perhaps also due to unspecified health issues associated with the dissolution). While he still is eccentric and boisterous he is not as actively involved as before.

Fearsome Teutonic Warrior pathetically pleads for breakfast he could definitely make himself. Right after this Ludwig offers him leftover marzipans and he throws a small fit over it, saying he "can't eat things with faces because he feels bad". LMAO (unspecified modern day setting around New Year's Eve)

And yes I'm sorry to say it but we have to face it. Gilbert is at best slowly losing his immortal powers, at worst actively dying. I think it's genuinely troubling that he's shown actively giving things of sentimental value away in a comic dealing with this topic, as if he isn't expecting to be around for much longer. This comic also hints at the HRE=Germany thing being something he might provide a closure for, as he is the one who watched over a "dying" HRE.

Gilbert suspiciously being reminded of HRE and then giving away an item he previously prescribed sentimental value.

Gilbert lies about his injury. He knows this doesn't bode well and is keeping it a secret (for now).

This has been haunting me for years now and Hima just left us hanging, but I'm also in the ASOIAF fandom and I WILL wait 14 years for a conclusion if I must.

This death might be bittersweet and not entirely tragic, though. Hear me out. I think Gilbert, having lived as long as he has and enduring so much in a lifetime, might be exhausted. As long as he is certain Ludwig will make it without him I think he will go in peace. Will still sob uncontrollably and scream like a banshee and kill Hima before killing myself though.

Anyway Gilbert the blorbo the squinkly the scrongly my number one beloved I just wanted to ramble about him

[nerdygaymormon]

My 10 year Tumblr anniversary

June 2024 marks 10 years since I started this blog!

I originally began this blog as a way for me to follow discussions taking place on Tumblr about important topics in the LDS community, like racism or Ordain Women, which couldn't be discussed in mainstream LDS spaces. 

I soon found the LGBTQ+ LDS community which called themselves queerstake. I would message them and make comments on their posts, and they gently encouraged me to write my own blog posts to share my thoughts with others. I resisted, thinking I had nothing of value to add to the conversation and no one would be interested in what I had to say. I finally wrote my first blog post in June 2016 and it was about meeting the Sistas in Zion and sharing that I'm gay and the kindness of their reaction. That post got exactly zero likes or comments, reaffirming my belief that I didn't have anything of interest to share. I didn't write another post until August and it got a few likes and that was enough, I wrote several more posts that month and haven't stopped.

I used to go to blogging sites to find blogs by queer Latter-day Saints. Their stories resonated with me and felt important. Usually they began with someone coming home from their mission, which they hoped would be rewarded by God removing their gayness, and being disappointed or surprised this didn't happen. They expressed a commitment to staying in the church, but as the months went by they more and more wrote about the hurt they experienced, the pain of church policies aimed at them, insensitive encounters with church members and leaders, and anger at things said in General Conference. Typically there would be entries for a few months and then the blog goes silent, no more entries. 

I would think of not just how important these blogs were to me, but in some distant future they would be of interest to historians wanting to better understand what it was like to be a queer Mormon at a time of big changes in society and the LDS Church. 

Most of those blogs were written by folks in their 20's and lasted just a few months to maybe up to 2 years. I thought perhaps writing as someone in their 40's would add to these voices, and for it to matter I needed to be authentic in sharing my thoughts, feelings and experiences, showing the good, bad, and ugly. I honestly was surprised and thrilled if I had a post reach 40 or 50 likes, and was unprepared for having a post in 2017 get clicked on more than a half-million times.

Since my viral post a lot of younger queer people started following me. I still wanted to be honest and authentic and vulnerable, but I also wanted my blog to be a queer-positive space, which is why is have many posts with rainbows so visually it's clear this is a blog of a queer person. 

I started getting many messages with questions, often anonymously which meant the only way I could respond was by posting my answer to my blog. I soon felt like I was the Dear Ann Landers of Queerstake and have posted about 2000 responses since 2017, which averages to about 150 such responses per year. 

Because queer people usually don't grow up being taught about queer history and culture, I will occasionally make posts about such things, including about LDS queer history because as a queer Mormon, I can be proud of the LDS pioneer and pioqueer legacies. 

The person who started this blog 10 years ago could never have imagined I would be out to everyone in my life, and once I was out that I would still be a member of the LDS Church and get to meet General Authorities, that I would have my words published in books, be a guest on podcasts, or serve in the leadership of an organization (Affirmation) for queer people. It's been a wild ride.

[problematicfactive]

Fruit Salad is a new discord server. They are a fun. Welcoming community. Too bad they're actually not accepting of anyone they don't agree with and believe trying to come to an understanding is "unproductive"

If anyone is able to provide image IDs, that would be amazing, I'm physically incapable at the moment

The first red flag was their rules saying something along the lines of "be respectful to sources, of a source is problematic, report it in a ticket" surely that will go well.

Our host clued into it, and immediately opened a ticket to ask what that meant. of course they claimed they knew Introjects don't choose their source BUT problematic introjects have to source separate.

Fellas, is it appropriate to claim that any introject, problematic or not is "parading" their source by simply. Existing?

Now I will admit. When we were asked "what we were trying to do" we assumed they meant "why are we having this conversation" and did our best to explain that. However, looking back, this may not have been the question they wanted an answer to. The question feels too vague to answer, and we did our best. It also seemed like they were just trying to change the topic of conversation because they didn't want to be face with the fact that they were wrong and we had a good point.

Again, I don't understand what they want to know when they say "what is your end goal" my end goal is to know what's okay so I can know if I'm safe in this community.

To be as insensitive as to make a joke about using a discord bot being torturous when I had just been talking about abuse of individuals is what told me I wasn't safe. Someone after that when said "LMAO" which I skipped over to make the whole conversation fit better

And this is actually a problem I've been having for a while so I have something that people need to get through their heads and we need to help people to understand

No one has to disclose a SINGLE BIT of information about their system to ANYONE. If a mod is trying to coax the information out of you or shaming you for not giving it, you need to call them out for being innapropriate because asking these questions and using your position to ask these questions or shame for not answering is a absolutely innapropriate

Now I have explained this before, but I will explain this again and probably 100 more times. When my system found out who my source was, I was abused. at the same time, I was forced to undergo name changes and identify under different faces. It was a terrible and isolating experience and absolutely a part of the abuse I endured. And while another system can easily say "okay, whatever, Ted can be Dan in this server" we can't. Because I can't. Because of the abuse I endured I can't lie about who I am it is torturous to me. It leaves me unhappy. It leaves me feeling sick. I don't deserve to be exposed to old abuse I endured because you relate source separation to keeping your old name.

Guess what, a name is a word someone calls to get your attention.

And a pic of you is what you look like

And neither of these things have anything to do with what i support or enjoy

Stop acting like my worth is based on my source and start acting like it's based on what I do for my system. People who show up to the hypocrite competition go home when they see people like you (directed at people like this not any reader) because you're the all time champion and that's not something to be proud of. Don't run system friendly spaces if you think source connection comes from how much like you your pfp looks

[donnerpartyofone]

First I started getting so much spam to my Gmail account that it became unusable; I go in there occasionally and glance around to see if anything "important" jumps out at me, but basically spammers have rendered the email address that they themselves went to the trouble of harvesting totally useless. Now I get so many spam (and/or scam, what's the difference) voicemails that my phone is functionally unusable; there's just no point in trying to keep up with it, I started having the experience of getting new spam messages at the same exact time that I was deleting the last ones, so now I just have to let them pile up and I only listen to voicemail if I happen to specifically notice that I got a desirable call. The degree to which everything is crap now practically forces me to have a Why Fucking Bother attitude about everything, and I have to think this is really bad for my brain. Like it cannot be good to train myself to think that so few things are real or valuable that there's almost no point in even keeping an eye out for something useful.

Because of said damaged brain I'm not positive this is related, but I'm reminded of this specific pro-AI argument I sometimes see that strikes me as particularly disingenuous, the essence of which is: There is already very little way of reliably determining the provenance or authenticity of online content, so it doesn't matter at all if you can't tell the difference between slop and the real thing, and it also doesn't matter if slop achieves an increasing majority, because in any case you shouldn't be so credulous as to assume that ANYTHING you see online is real. Everything is nothing and nothing is everything. We're all trapped in our own subjective realities so nothing matters anyway -- seems to be the logical conclusion of this argument. And that just seems like such a cheap excuse for lazily enabling and/or actively empowering an explosion of unfilterable generative garbage that has changed the situation from one of "Maintain a healthy skepticism about what you see and read," to one of "Everything is fake so who gives a shit about anything, ever, from now on." Like yes, there's been fake-everything since the dawn of photography, but if you're going to pretend that the proportion of what's going on now doesn't matter, I think youre just being an asshole. You're just using any excuse to defend your new favorite toy, and I think you should admit that.

There's probably a name for this rhetorical device that's like when, for instance, people complain that trans athletes are ruining women's sports, but those people don't actually give a shit about women's sports, or women. You're probably thinking of a whole bunch of other examples of this right now. I see this in these online arguments about AI where someone goes "AI is negatively impacting the commercial art industry," and a pro-AI person goes, "That's not even a real problem, if you really cared you'd be complaining about the environmental impact/the impact of bad algorithms on jobs and housing/the polution of real, usable information" etc, which obviously they themselves don't care about or else they wouldn't be using and promoting the offending product. Or like most of the time that I hear someone say that anti-generative art attitudes are ableist, they're not actually a disabled person, or even a person interested in disability. Not that there's NEVER a real disabled person making this argument, but as a member of the general public I hear from them less than from people who are just grabbing at whatever is the most convenient way to stop someone from questioning their favorite thing. And I sometimes wish these guys would stop trying to make all AI critics sound stupid and insensitive, and just cut straight to "Fuck you, I just like it. I don't have a good reason. I know this is causing problems, I just don't give a shit about anything other than my own most immediate experience." But then again that's what we have going on in politics now -- the right has shifted away from even the shallowest most obligatory pretense of civil debate and litigation, which we could previously use to at least slow them down a little, and over to "Yes, we're big stupid evil pieces of shit and we like it that way, so fucking what," and in many ways this has made everything a lot worse.

[bruhstation]

I don't understand people who come to your blog and tell you to get a job and stop making art based on a show for kids. Like, what's wrong with them? 💀 People can't have a job/study a career and having passions at the same time?

It's so easy to ignore and keep scrolling down...

How unhappy somebody has to be with their life to bother others on the internet? How miserable somebody has to be to invade someone's safe place on the internet and send them hate and calling them cringe?

The way these kind of people behave makes me think they are just envious by seeing a person making art or content related to their favorite things in the world...

Btw I really admire you as an artist! Your art is so beautiful. I love the style, the colors, the symbolisms, the lore and the little details you add to make it unique!!! Please, keep going. You are a big inspiration for many in the TTTE fandom💚🚂

thank you for the kind words, val! I dunno what's with their mindset -- people make gijinkas of kids medias like mlp and sonic and cars all the time, but when it's ttte, it's suddenly weird? I'm not angry or sad! I'm just wondering why. ttte's lore is interesting too and it's been a thing for almost 80 years. it's easy to ignore haters, in my experience. I've had many run-ins with such people in the past, and to be honest I'm no longer discouraged. they wanna play with me? I'll play too! the key is to not let them win -- they say those words casually in hopes that it'll impact you severely. get what I mean?

it's an unspoken rule in the internet that if your niche content escapes your personal circle/fandom, outsiders are bound to be caught off guard by it, spread it anywhere they want, or even call you unsavory things. especially if you have a pretty sizeable following. unfortunately, that's a risk you have to be ready to accept. you gotta defend yourself, but don't lose your cool. act like the bigger, more civil person so the other can be more at a disadvantage and look more like a fool. classic debating tactics (also it's kinda fun at this point like remember skipo123 from january)

not to mention, the amount of people that love and support me immensely outweighs those that hate me and my interests. a thousand to one, even! that would be unfair to my supporters for me to just feel down from one insensitive comment, no? let's all hold hands and have fun! let's unlearn shame together :]

[jmdbjk]

Bangtan weekly report

Lordt, what a week, what a month, what a year? It's September, we're on the downhill slide.

I've been busy, y'all. You know, life happens and all that crap we say when we have to focus on stuff that's not as fun as staring at the latest naked Bangtan pics... anyway... there is A LOT to process, A LOT to even sit down and catch up on.

Let's break it down shall we?

It was JK's b-day and he first tried to TikTok live us and you know, I hope he can't figure it out to his satisfaction because there's no replay and no translations so fuck TikTok and I mean that in a nice way. Thank god for Armys who record and translate.

And he dropped this tiny but significant TMI:

We know he's building that big whatever it is. It will be a while before he leaves his current residence...or? What? Moving elsewhere until he enlists? He mentioned in one of his more recent past lives that he had to clean up some of his junk in his apartment... soooo.... hmmm....

Also, this:

Acting research? I'm loving the sound of whatever that is.

Thankfully he came to visit us on Weverse live as well, did a few card tricks and cut it short, one of the shortest lives he's done in years and years? Were the aces a hint? Or just part of his magic trick?

Adorable goofball. By the way, the subs are up on this live.

He was out and about before the live, taking pics on the street, he's said he doesn't mind at all, running into fans in public and saying hello.

It's the people who claim to be fans who stalk him and show up uninvited to places where he's trying to live his life in private. Whoever you all are, I'll speak for Kookie. Y'all suck.

In Busan, when he was with his idol friends, they were asked if they were who they were by the restaurant employee and they tried to deny it. That should be a big hint to leave them alone.

Kookie shared a video on his TikTok in solidarity and support of RM speaking out about the uncalled for hate that came RM's way after he posted that song on his Instagram story.

You know... there's been quite a lot of discourse lately about culturally sensitive topics. Tae's "gaffe" and this song that RM shared... I think if you felt offended or uncomfortable when you saw those things happen, those feelings are your own and 100% valid.

Being of Japanese descent, through my life, it has made me cringe when I hear people call stuff "Jap crap" or just yesterday, a canvasser for a political candidate asked me if I was from around here... like... if I was blonde and blue-eyed would they have asked me that? You know? I was speaking to them exactly like I speak here, fully fluent in (Southern U.S. redneck) English because that's my only language (sadly, no thanks to mom and dad because I did not learn Japanese or French). But I don't get obsessed or angry or want to threaten anyone's careers or life. I don't even think about it. And I don't really hold it against people who are not aware of how they come across like that.

People are insensitive all the time without knowing it: asking a woman when they are due but she's not pregnant and maybe can't even have children... mentioning other culturally derogatory terms without realizing it (see "Jap crap" above), saying something looks "gay" like... ok what does that even mean?... you know what I'm saying? I use the term "spirit animal" all the time and someone DM'd me saying it was offensive. So we're all guilty.

I get it, we're all different in how we react. BUT MY FEELINGS ARE VALID TOO, AND MY REACTION IS MY OWN AND DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THE SAME AS YOURS TO YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE.

As I said, feelings are valid, and the members aren't perfect and it's okay to call them out on it. But the extra implication that was piled on Namjoon for that song rec crossed the line and he addressed it in his own live.

Exasperated he explained that it was just a song and that he knows exactly what everyone is saying, that he's a 30 year old man and can express himself freely. He said even if there will still be those who will accuse him of lying, he can't and won't lie to us.

I love him: "For ten years I've held things in my heart but nowadays I can't do that, I have to speak my truth. Believe my own words."

Before he got into it though he offended the mathematicians and then tried to back track (omg I'M JOKING ok?... unless someone got offended... omg, can we just chill?)

His 2-day old stubble and fuzzy headed self.

The obsession people have with their weight and their looks is mind-blowing. The way he's drilled in the comments on his face, his hair, about admitting he's tanning, how much he weighs, what he eats, he looks tired... This man has an IQ of 160 or whatever and people are worried about a mosquito bite on his forehead. The vapidness and shallow level of interaction in the comments knows no limit. But we've known that. Please, before commenting can people please make a list of things to speak on other than how they look?

He closed by saying to trust him, he'll always show us what's inside of him whether its his music or him as a human... life is a journey with a lot of obstacles, he's good and focusing on his own things and not on the bad energy. He is in such a good head space nowadays... love to see it.

Next up, Taehyungie-hyung...dis my fave pic out of everything I've seen so far:

I am not a fan of Tae in blonde hair, I've said that before. But this particular shot is stunning to me, the lighting and angle.

As you know, I've not paid as close attention to Tae. Honestly I've been waiting for him to share things during this solo time so I can get to know him better just like I did with the other members.

Up until now, everything he does seems superficial EXCEPT the deliberate soft reveal of his relationship with Jennie, which I hope they are doing well and navigating the shitty waters of having to be idols in a relationship.

But so far, its photo spread after photo spread and I'm just not into it. Yes, Tae is very photogenic. I'm sure V biases are over the moon. I'm happy for them! If it was Jimin you would be sick of me posting every photo, so I get it! But I was looking for something a little deeper from him.

So it was this Dingo show that his personality opened up a little to me somewhat... interacting with this Army who's dream is to become a Military Officer. She is the cutest thing, her reactions so genuine and I could feel her excitement and how she was overwhelmed at the end of their day together when she broke down. Girl was holding it in and living the life that day!!! Sooo happy she got to experience that!

And these pics are the cutest:

This one right above with her hands on his shoulders... such a precious memory. I am looking forward to hearing the rest of Tae's album. I'm sure I'll have things to say about it at that time.

And that brings me to Jimin. The jikook selca not withstanding, we haven't seen or heard from him in ages so after 2 months, 15 days, 23 hours, 8 minutes and some odd seconds (but who was counting? not me)... we finally see him again in person at a Dior event in Seoul.

He looked so good, except that tan leather coat reminded me of something 50s vintage, car coat over a sheath dress women wore in the springtime. He's small. Let's put a giant white garbage bag on him. Don't know what goes through their minds.

Dior creates some extraordinarily crafted pieces, but so far, I sometimes wonder if they've even bothered to look at any of Jimin's previous photo concepts for other various things. It's almost like they don't know how to dress him. That's just my personal opinion.

Anyway..AND THEN HE COMES LIVE!!! FINALLY!!!

Is that a Red Dragon keyboard he has in front of his computer? I don't really know anything about gaming stuff. And goodness...

He gets comfy by tying up those pants that look like four of him (or him and Kookie) could fit in there at the same time...

His eye crinkles... I don't care what people say about his beakie... I'm all about the eye smile and those eye crinkles that are going to get deeper with time.

Y'all, this is my bias...

That mood light of the realistic solar system makes Jungkookie's mood light look like child's play. But I see why his moons down his back look like they do.

I know some of the first translations say he called Jungkook for his birthday and he talked about wanting to live his 30s just as full as his 20s, and he's learning through his solo work that he has things to learn and he will improve and I just don't have enough or the right words to express how much I love and admire his perseverance and dedication to being the best at what he does and the best human he can be. I will do a full blog post when the official subs are ready later this week.

I don't know how this guy from the other side of the world got so completely under my skin:

I know there was a lot of other content that dropped that I didn't touch on but there aren't enough hours in my day to type it all up. I will just continue to watch and absorb as much as I can just like everyone else.

Jin and Hobi are still plugging away at their respective bases, I always pray for their safety and health while they are doing their duty. In a few months, Jin may show us what it will be like to celebrate birthdays while they are enlisted.

And Yoongi. We wait as the days tick by. We know its coming very soon. Holding my Yoongi bias friend's hand very tightly. We'll get through this together.

[tombfreak]

if someone (me) wants to write (or roleplay) a character with Antisocial Personality Disorder, how do you think they should do it? What are questions that can be asked about the character in order to develop or flesh them out more (like, "how does your character act in blah blah situation")? And do you have any books/excerpts/short stories that have a character with ASPD that you can recommend? Your blog and many others' blog really helped me in understanding how ASPD works, which ends up in me being able to develop this character more. However, I'm still not sure how to actually really write in this character's perspective, mainly because I still want to understand the littler details. I really just don't want to accidentally write something that ends up not being true lol IG if it helps, my character w/ ASPD is very apathetic and he believes that showing emotions is weakness, so he always has a poker face.

Holy fuck I completely forgot I had this blog LMAOO My bad. Anyways.

First off, as a writer, I always try to avoid giving my characters any labels of a disorder especially a personality disorder, cuz it feels cheap. Its easy to just throw a label on them and call it a day, but its harder to write them in a way where they would be diagnosed with ASPD yknow?

Like for example, you can say a character has anxiety, and boom, theres a new trait. But are you able to show this in your character without using the word "anxiety"? With ASPD, or any personality disorder, you need to be able to show this characters habits and mindsets and behaviours without having to use the label "ASPD".

I think the best representation of a character with ASPD I have seen in Dr. House from House MD. I was absolutely amazed by how much I could relate and how accurate it was to how I experience, and have seen others act, with ASPD. And the best part is that they don't even say he has ASPD until way later in the show, but that doesn't change a single thing about how he has acted up until that point.

The main thing about cluster B personality disorders is that there is a maladaptive and dysfunctional way of thinking and acting ingrained into this person. And the way they view things and behave actively causes them issues in their relationships, social settings, work, etc. It differs wildly for everyone though, but the one thing that is pretty much the same for everyone with ASPD is that their core fear is being controlled, and they value self-preservation above everything else. It's them against the world, and they are constantly grasping for power, control, and social dominance in order to protect themselves.

So some questions you can ask about your character is:

1. How do they experience empathy and remorse? ASPD is known to be a disregard for others and rules that actively causes issues in their life. In what ways do they disregard others feelings/rights, and do they feel bad about this? If they do feel remorse, what overrides this to make them keep acting in anti-social ways?

2. ASPD is a disorder. It causes a lot of issues in a persons life, especially with the law, authority, and hurting peoples feelings. In what ways does your character suffer from their behaviour and ways they think/view the world?

3. How do they view the world? What do they value the most? What are they willing to do to protect themselves, and how do they respond to perceived threats? ASPD is known for reactive aggression, where they will respond with hostility at a perceived threat (even if there wasn't actually one, they often take ambiguous remarks as hostility)

4. ASPD symptoms must have also been present in childhood (symptoms of conduct disorder shown before the age of 15). What was your character like as a kid? What caused them to act out? Who were the primary influences in their development, and how did that influence who they are today/how they think?

Remember that people with ASPD are often rude, harsh, callous, insensitive, and lack a proper moral code. They may act hostile towards anything that feels like control, especially being told what to do, or having rules to follow, including social norms like morality, political correctness, manners, and empathy. They often look out for themselves before they even think about looking out for others, and they are willing to do anything and put anyone down or manipulate a situation to protect themselves.

People with ASPD are often good at making excuses for themselves and avoid punishment for their actions, or completely disregard consequences and repeat their mistakes over and over again. This is partially due to a mindset of "you can't tell me what to do/you can't control me/fuck you". There is a lot of defiance.

And of course please remember that ASPD is a spectrum, and there are mild to extreme cases, and it presents differently in everyone. The main thing is that it causes distress and dysfunction in the persons relationships and life because of their disregard for rules and others. And that they fear being controlled, and value self-preservation.

And while people with ASPD are usually insensitive assholes (love ya), we also are people. We are human beings, not problems. We are human beings, not pricks. So make sure to write your character with hobbies and interests and redeemable traits and with positive qualities as well. Dont have their entire character written revolving around the idea of ASPD. People are complex, and there is much more to someone than their disordered behaviour/mindsets.

Also what you said about your character being very apathetic, you could tie that in to a lack of care/disregard for others which Im sure you were already planning on doing. But also remember that ASPD isn't just a quiet, apathetic, emotionless robot disorder. In reality, ASPD is pretty loud. Its angry, and destructive, and aggressive. Cluster B PDs are classified as emotionally unstable and erratic, and ASPD is no different. So make sure you remember that while he may not care about others, apathy/lacking empathy isn't a criteria for ASPD (though its heavily correlated). Check out the DSM-5 criteria and make sure your character qualifies. Also, you don't get diagnosed with ASPD just cuz you think antisocial thoughts. You get diagnosed cuz of the way you behave and interact with others/the world, and the problems that causes you. Most people with ASPD will be diagnosed through the legal system. So make sure you show the antisocial tendencies of your character, as I mentioned before with separating them from the label.

I hope this helped a bit, mb for the late ass response LMAO Good luck

[brother-one]

[Twitter repost]

Just because something was the last straw for me today...

On Kainé's intersexuality:

A (long) post, from an intersex person to you 💛💜💛

First of all! Why am I making this post?

I hope it doesn't seem out of nowhere, but let's start bit by bit.

I am making it not because I'm mad at anyone, but because I genuinely want you all to learn about who Kaine as a person, how she can be interpreted, and most details that can be taken and associated to her intersexuality, from an intersex perspective. There's A LOT of things I want to address in this thread, not necessarily all of them negative, but I do think the NieR fandom as a whole needs to get educated on intersexuality.

I can't speak over every single intersex person, but I can give my insight on this.

Now, the first thing I want to address:

1- Kainé, intersexuality AND transness.

Why is this first? Well, because there's a really big issue hiding in plain sight here: Intersexism, and therefore intersex erasure.

First on this, a detail that a lot of you know about, and yet it's not even close to EVERYONE knowing it: The use of the word "hermaphrodite" for an intersex person. Even if it's widely accepted by people as a whole, it is a slur against intersex people and even if some DO reclaim it, its casual use is not correct whenever you employ it to refer to an intersex individual, be it fictional or not. Not only is it considered insensitive, but it's also heavily inaccurate whenever used to describe an intersex individual, even if it may be in fact accurate for, in this case, Kainé.

It is a word a lot of us are uncomfortable with, and seeing a character who is one of the very rare cases of representation being associated with it doesn't really make it better. Especially since being intersex isn't just about the genital differences, but hormonal differences and such. Anything that doesn't conform to the SEX binary is considered intersex, usually also known as hyperandrogenism. I've seen people frequently agreeing that even PCOS can be considered an intersex condition, so there's also that.

Next, is the reduction of Kainé to either a transgender woman, or a transfem individual.

While these headcanons are completely okay and I personally have never minded them, there is an issue hiding here too.

It seems that people either don't care enough about intersex issues to do proper research, or they're blissfully ignorant about general facts on intersexuality.

Some of these facts are:

- Intersexuality isn't a "third sex" or an in between.

- Intersexuality does not NECESSARILY have to do anything with one's gender identity.

- It is completely, and I repeat, COMPLETELY okay to just call someone "intersex".

- Not every intersex person is transgender. Cisgender intersex people exist.

- Even if trans people and intersex people may relate to the other in certain aspects, they're nowhere close to being the same, or to share the exact same experiences.

- Every intersex person experiences gender and life differently.

- There are many, and I say, MANY different intersex conditions.

- Intersexuality is way more frequent than you may think.

And many other facts, really, but they would pretty much need another entire, separate thread to be listed.

Now, where's the issue I want to approach here?

Explained simply to non-intersex people:

Turning a headcanon like trans Kainé into something so widespread not only gives a totally different idea of what her character is from the start, but also gives a place for intersexism to rise. It is a way to force us intersex people into conforming within a system, a binary that EXCLUDES US and always has from the start. Because yes, the current ideas of identity are wrongly still binary.

I thought Kainé was trans from the start. I thought it was extremely cool to have such representation, being also a fellow trans person myself. Then I discovered she's intersex.

Then, everything felt unfair.

To have such an idea of something, then discovering the reality is very different to that idea didn’t feel right. Not because transness is bad because, again, I am trans myself, but because that just feels like everyone is forcing her into transness, when it doesn't have to be like that.

Intersexuality and transness can coexist without problem, the problem only manifests itself when you do not give those two the opportunity to even try and coexist. It is already hard by itself to embrace your body as an intersex person, and personally topping that with transness only makes it more of a struggle. And yet, in the end, everyone's experiences, feelings and identity will always be different to one another. Intersex people can decide to stay as the gender they were assigned (keyword here being assigned) at birth, they can decide to transition (or maybe they could've transitioned way before discovering the fact they're intersex), and they can also decide to just be intergender.

Our experiences and relationship with our body, and the way we perceive ourselves may be similar to the one of, say, a perisex transgender individual, but there will always be a gap between both.

To finish up with the first point, the general objective with this:

I want you all to understand that, while trans people need representation, it's not okay to erase intersexuality or to try and make us fit into your concept of identity. Intersex people are already stigmatized enough, and the last thing we need is erasure. Our voices as a whole are already heavily ignored, so the least we can ask from you is to not erase us. You can keep your headcanons (I encourage so!), but PLEASE don't forget about Kainé's intersexuality. Intersex representation is extremely important and needed, even if the character’s intersexuality may not be handled in the best way sometimes.

In summary:

That is pretty much it for the first point. Now, on to the second:

2- Kainé and body dysphoria.

Here comes a very important part, too.

Some parts of her character and dialogue can be interpreted as dysphoria, and also as a way of showing rejection towards another aspect of her body, since it’s possessed by a shade.

A very important dialogue in the first fight against Hook that I originally interpreted as body dysphoria is:

“She gave me the strength to deal with this goddamn mutant body! Do you know how long I’ve been like this? How much I loathe myself?”

This dialogue has been in my mind ever since I first played. And I still strongly believe it can be interpreted as dysphoria, I just acquired a different perspective on it after finishing NIER and doing a dive into what she is, as a character. While I don’t believe I have the deepest understanding of her, I think I have the main aspects of her character clear.

No one in the world could understand her.

Yet another thing on her I believe is important, is this:

“A heart and body in constant conflict.

Now, and even if she may or may not have dysphoria, here’s something that I think should be spoken of way more often - the fact that dysphoria doesn’t make you transgender. Even if it may be considered necessary in order to get certain medical treatments in the case of trans people, having dysphoria doesn’t make you trans, and not having dysphoria doesn’t make you not trans, either.

And loneliness was eating her alive.”

Because while it may not be part of, say, a main storyline game, if we talk about NieR (it comes from SINoALICE!), it does give us a really interesting sight into her. Even if it may probably refer to her struggle as being possessed, it sounds very familiar to the experience I know as dysphoria.

Kainé’s hatred for her body exists in a way where many reasons for it overlap. I think it could be narrowed down and represented like this:

I think it’s very important to note that Kainé, as a gestalt, wasn’t intersex. Somewhere in the process there was an error that made Kainé, as a replicant, intersex. Which doesn’t sound very good, if you think about it, but it gives you room to think about Kainé a bit differently.

Which takes us to my third (and probably last) point:

3- Kainé and identity.

Carrying on from a detail in the last point, we can see a clear, yet maybe not intentional mistake in her writing. The error of her becoming intersex.

While it can be read as intersexism, it is also rather understandable - mistakes and errors happen, especially if we talk about literally separating soul from body, and considering the fact that there were more defects in the transformation process too. Another very important fact that comes into picture is the different ‘generations’ of replicants, and the way that there have been multiple Kainés over time. So probably, since the system was already long-running by that point, that could be the reason for it.

Still, if we’re taking it the intersexism way - we have to understand that it is not and it will NEVER be caused by some kind of “error” or mistake, even if people have chosen to see it that way for a long time now. It is not an inconvenience nor is it something not meant to happen. It IS meant to happen, and there is much evidence that sex is variant - could go from slight differences, to more “noticeable” ones. Not just in humans, but in animals too.

People want to change something that just happens, that always has. In here, I beg you to take into account the fact that intersex CHILDREN are forced to go through surgeries to make them fit into the sex binary. Children are bullied, hated and seen as freaks just because they were born different. 

Sounds terrible, yes ? Well, thanks to this, many intersex people often feel more comfortable identifying as their own gender - intergender. Others stay cis, and others feel more identified with the term transgender.

Kainé is a hard to figure out case, since she had been and identified as a woman from the start, as much as she had been dehumanized or degraded by others. Because they didn’t even call her a man, for they didn’t think she was deserving of that. She wasn’t deserving of a gender - she was a freak, and that was all of it. Though it is a struggle that a lot of trans people go through too, for intersex people it often comes from society as a whole.

The rejection intersex people go through is there from birth, and the eagerness from others (who don’t even have the right) to change it is too. And as much as it follows us through life, as similar as it may be to trans struggles, it is not and it will never be the same.

For that, trans and intersex people have to stand together, but sometimes that feels like too much to ask of the community.

Because intersex people, much like ace or aro people, are often ignored in queer spaces (or not considered at all, for that matter). It is harsh.

But then there are the intersex trans people, who use both terms. The cis intersex people, the intergender people, the intersex people who chose not to bother with gender…

So that is, too, one reason why lots of intersex individuals choose to not call themselves trans, as much as they may identify with the term. Or the complete opposite, choosing to present themselves as transgender, as to not have to bear with the load that is being intersex sometimes.

After some time of knowing her, I think canon Kainé fits into the cis intersex category by a lot - considering she has always identified and KNOWN she is a woman. But of course, that is canon.

You are free not to, I can’t stop you. But I think that, if you’re perisex and trans, it shows the way you are with the people who have stood with you since always. To not recognize our existence is to not recognize a part of what brought all of us trans people to where we are.

My headcanon? Trans, intersex woman. Not hard or complicated, is it ?

And that is the way it should be, if you want to listen to intersex people. To listen to our voices.

So, please, if you care about us - don’t take away from intersex people what we have struggled so much to even get.

To close this thread, I just have to say: Thank you for reading, I hope you could at least learn something or get a bit of perspective on to what being an intersex person is like, and a bit of interpretation about Kainé from one.

If you want to go ahead and follow what I’ve said on it, you have a forever thanks from me. Happy pride month guys <3

[mail-forwarding]

(Sunrise Christmas — Ded's dialogue if MC's yet to meet him)

"Ho ho ho! I am Ded Moroz, headmaster of the Santa School. Thought you may know me better as Santa Claus." "And I know all about you! I know every child on the nice list, MC."

I don't often take choice-dependent dialogue into consideration, because the MC in those mini-scenes tend to be characterized by player choice and not by baseline canon, and thus the reactions by other characters tend to shift away from that baseline.

Dialogue options for meeting a new character or greeting a returning one are somewhat different, because while they may say nothing about MC, they often do provide information about the characters or the world.

This particular line, however, I found highly interesting because of what it says about MC, regardless of whether LW intended for such a reading. This implies that no matter what sort of MC you are given the choice to play (agreeable, irritable, insatiable), fundamentally, MC represents good. Even their relentless "harassment" (put in quotes because it's 50/50 whether the characters are receptive, and dubious what the motivation even is for writing a canonical God of Sex Appeal as a sex pest) is not enough to detract from that goodness; one could, if one squinted, possibly make the argument that this behaviour is positive for other characters, perhaps because it is flattering to be wanted by someone as desirable and/or widely desired as MC.

I mean, of course this plays into the whole Lovable Sex Maniac and/or Jerk with Heart of Gold trope(s); of course the protagonist of a game like this would be classified as good. Of course all relationships MC can have with other characters are understood as a vehicle for those characters to grow and change for the better, regardless of how they actually interact. I'd say this is actually pretty typical for the genre since FEH and FGO do this too.

But what this line also implies (which I don't think LW intended to do) is that those two other MCs —the grumpy and the insatiable, who are mostly* optional, because their dialogue lines must be selected and the results are not usually acknowledged in subsequent scenes— must now be explicitly understood as still different aspects of the core MC, even if they're mostly* non-canonical. It's not that MC is good despite the dubiousness. The canonical MC, after all, goes so far beyond simply good. The way the text treats MC, even when they're being dubious, they are still being good.

*I call a trait/portrayal non-canon if it has to be specifically chosen by the player and makes no appearance if that option is not chosen.

Outside some select scenes, horny MC is usually non-canon. There are a few instances where the game forces you to be thirsty (though IIRC, those instances are not explicitly horny, and most are not implicitly so either), and I think a couple characters call MC out for their problematic behaviour in a way that alludes to promiscuity or sexual availability. But since nothing in the rest of the game addresses this in any way, unlike their noted tendency to be a problem child (because they keep getting caught up in bullshit, sometimes that they themself instigated), I tend to read this as MC being a "regular" "person" during puberty, who at least experiences aesthetic attraction, and may have said some things regardless of whether they've engaged in any such relations/acts.

Same goes for mean options: there is actual explicit textual evidence of MC being mean/insensitive/impatient/irritable, and quite of a lot of it at that, but this is portrayed as exceptions to MC's general temperament.

[rainbows-and-love-for-all]

As I am certain can be seen by anyone stumbling onto my page (my heather is a picture of the five of them, my profile picture is of the lyrics from one of my favourite songs of theirs, and my pinned post is my all time favourite performance of theirs), I am a huge fan of One Direction.

The news of Liam's passing have hit hard. It felt like there kept coming shocking information about what he is like behind the scenes now, and how much he had changed from the sweet child he was in the band into a troubled person that couldn't handle all that he had gone through, and while this isn't an excuse, it is an explanation for what he had become: an abusive partner.

The news of him taking advantage of the fans, to my knowledge, unconfirmed, were devastating and hit hard to a person that had previously idolised them.

In the wake of his death, though, I have had to deal with two conflicting emotions, as I know many directioners also had. Firstly, as cliché as it is to say it again when so many people have said it already, a part of my childhood and formative years, my whole teenagehood, has died with him. How do you reconcile that with the pain you feel knowing what he has done and how he has acted?

Regardless of Liam the person, to us he was an entertainer and part of a group we formed a community around. The songs spoke to us, and whether you like it or not, he had a lot of writing credits there, and for someone who needed to drown out shouting in my own house, 1D in my earphones was all I could do to protect myself and go to a happier mental place instead.

If you are pained by this, you are not a bad person. Acknowledge the pain he has inflicted upon others, that is our duty, don't send Maya any hate because she is not at fault. She had a right to speak about her experiences and bring awareness to what he was doing behind stage.

It is sad that he couldn't handle it in a healthy manner, and the ones who are suffering the most right now are his son, for whom my heart breaks, and his loved ones. As someone has already stated, humans are multifaceted beings, and Liam will be missed by his parents, his friends and family.

As it happened with me, I am certain it happened with many of you as well, that you cried when the news finally sunk it, that it wasn't just false news the way it had been before, and I bet the statements from the boys were hard to read. I couldn't see them through my tears.

It is a very unfortunate situation. I am sure Maya feels guilty, although the fault is not her own. His death was so unexpected, and the manner of it is what makes it feel even more surreal.

I am writing this in a farewell to a man that I didn't know, but who had previously, when he still had a better support system (or maybe, when things like this were buried more easily, but I don't even want to find out more), been an important role model, and who had done good things, and, more recently, bad things and who has helped me grow up and be in a happier mental state, while also being a source of pain to his ex-fiancée.

I know, parasocial. I don't idolise them any more, they are humans with flaws, all of them, and I don't support their wrongdoings, and I hadn't supported Liam's either. But I don't think it is wrong to take some time to mourn what could have been if he had managed to find the ambition to stay on the sober track, to make and release that album and, as his own lyrics say, to be a better man.

And we can all mourn the child with the bright eyes who wanted to be a singer, and was stuck in a box and taken out only when it was convenient to the public.

The jokes about his death are insensitive, if not to him, at least to the people in his life who loved him.

As a last important thing to note, people claiming this was a last dig at Maya, I want you all to think very carefully about it. If it was, he would have left a message, or he would have called her and told her of what he was intending to do, because through this he could have manipulated her into talking to him at least. He did no such thing. This was a pure tragedy.

Any theory, whatever the truth, is absolutely heartbreaking. Jumping into the pool, falling because he couldn't stand up right, or jumping to commit, all of these are just as painful. At 31, he still had a lot more to live, a lot more to atone for, and a son to watch and help grow into an adult.

Rest in peace, Liam. I hope justice can find you there, and that you can finally let go of the turmoil that has been pestering you for years. It is unbelievable how fame and being a celebrity can affect your mental health.

[phregnancy]

Hi. I know you said you don't usually respond to asks of this nature, but I just wanted to add to the interruption discourse even if you don't publish this.

I would like to push back on the idea that chronic interrupting is always rude and easy to just stop or work out in therapy (Also, if this is not what you were saying, I'm sorry :3). I'm not saying this is the case for Dan, but often times this behavior is because of neurodivergence or a genuine disability. If you have poor vision, hearing issues, auditory processing issues, social skill issues, etc. it can often be genuinely difficult to tell when someone is done talking (even when you are actively listening to them to the best of your ability.) Furthermore, just because we see someone frequently interrupting others, doesn't mean they are not actively working to communicate better; these things often take time.

Furthermore, what is or isn't considered rude is dependent on context and culture. Conversational styles that include interrupting, cooperative overlapping, are not considered rude in many cultures and situations.

All that being said, I do think constantly interrupting someone and then disregarding their frustrations (like rolling your eyes when they call you out lol) is rude and uncooperative because people with different communication styles who want to have a relationship with each other should be making a conscious effort to consider each others needs, abilities and feelings.

Again, this is not to defend Dan's interruptions specifically or say that interrupting is never rude, but more so just point out that interrupting is not always considered rude, and not interrupting can be genuinely difficult to just stop doing for many people. Of course, this doesn't mean people who are bothered by interrupters are wrong (or ableist, or culturally insensitive etc.) or shouldn't point out the behavior. In fact, the best way to help accommodate an interrupter is to just let them know they are doing the thing again, and if they care about your relationship they should be receptive.

Anyway, thank you for reading all that if you did. I really appreciate it. And if you didn't... you're real for that lol.

the issue i’m having with all of these asks i’ve received is that people are talking to me like i do not understand what it’s like to be neglected by my family (as multiple people have given that as a reason for why dan behaves like this, which is why i said he should work this out in therapy if people are saying its a trauma response) and that i’m not neurodivergent, when i am autistic and i do very well know what it’s like to experience severe and extreme neglect over a long period of time. also talking at me using things as excuses, when really there is no excuse. they explain why someone might talk over people and interrupt, but ultimately it is still on us to make the effort when people are communicating to us that this is an issue. and it is our loved ones responsibilities to openly and directly communicate and show us grace as we make efforts, so there is no building resentment or confusion as to what the problem is or what their feelings are. communication, respect, and effort are the key components. also i am overly familiar with cultural differences, i come from a culture where everyone is talking over each other constantly and that is the norm. that is not the issue - the issue is when someone is unhappy and has communicated to you that you talking over them is a problem, or you are broadly aware of how this is viewed as a problem that you have inflicted upon people, and you do not take that seriously and try to excuse it. we all have personal responsibilities to ourselves and to each other, and a british allistic (as he proudly stated recently) man continuing a behavior he has been told someone doesn’t like and has rolled his eyes over in the past is bad. that’s it. i do not have anything more to contribute to this conversation.