#also i might get to reunite with my suitcase today

[bogkeep]

A PLANEBOW?????

[pinkpetalwaterimagine]

Graduation day

Summary : Charlie is not supposed to be at your graduation. 

Word count : 1.3k 

Warning : a bit of make out and teasing ? 

A/N : hope you enjoy, dont even know what i did with this, it is quite short. fluff and might be cringey aha. 

Bonne lecture 🌈🌺

The day you had wished for a long time was finally here. You finally were about to graduate, after five long years of studying, of sleepless night, of lots and lots of coffee. Graduation day. You were thankful for those experiences that shaped you and made you who you are. Nonetheless you were happy you could go live your life, find a job and finally beginning your life. 

What you were more excited about is that your boyfriend of two years had asked you if you would move in with him when you would graduate. You have been looking forward to this for such a long time. 

However, today was graduation day and Charlie couldn’t make it because he had to be on set for the final scenes of Julie and the phantoms. Of course you understand that he had to put his job first in this case. You were still a bit upset. 

You were staring at yourself in the mirror, the red cape draped over your body was fitting you flawlessly. You took a quick pick and sent it to Charlie : « wish you were here :(  » and you hit the button sent. 

He didn’t answer right away, and you tucked your phone away, you wanted to enjoy your graduation day even if Charlie was not here. Your friends were there and it was the last time all of you will be reunited in this place that holds happy memories, sad memories, broken hearts and laughters. Your family was also here. 

You were stepping on the stage and looked at the crowd, a wave of nostalgia hit you. You smiled at the dean not really acknowledging it. The ceremony passed in a flash and you didn’t realized that it was over, everyone was stepping down to meet their loved ones. 

« Congratulations sweetie ! » exclaimed your mom, engulfing you in a hug. You couldn’t breathe but it was still comforting having your parents here. They watched you grow up and becoming a young woman of the world, ready to do everything in her power to get what she wants and this degree is just a proof of that. 

You were walking back to your dorm with your friends when you spotted a face you knew. Charlie. In a suit. You were quite surprised about it, Charlie always dressed well in a fashion sense but he rarely wore suit just because. You were so happy to see him. You ran towards him and slammed your body into his. He wrapped his arms around you and you felt at ease, at home, in peace with yourself. Before you could ask what he was doing here, he pressed his lips against yours. It has been so long since you had felt that. 

You heard your friends hollering in the back. You smiled while kidding your boyfriend. Yes, it was a long kiss and if you were passing by and saw two people making out like that in the streets you probably would have been disgusted but you didn’t care in that moment. 

All that was important was the feeling of his hands on your waist, the feeling of his soft lips on yours, feeling his chest against yours and feeling his heartbeat (a bit frenetic if you ask me). 

After two minutes of a full make-out session you detached yourself from him. He still held you against him, your head resting on his chest as he was kissing the top of your head. His smile was so wide, like an ear to ear smile and yours was the same as him. You saw that gleam in his eyes as if you were his whole world. He looked at you like you were is everything, and you probably were. 

You decided to break the comfortable silence that was surrounding you. Your friends left tired of seeing the two of you make-out. 

« What are you doing here ? » you said softly as to not disturbed the peace that has settled between the two of you and the deserted campus. 

« I could not not come to see my amazing girlfriend graduate ! » he exclaimed, looking straight into your eyes. 

It was so soft, and you felt like you were falling in love with him all over again. 

You looked down, a blush rising on your cheeks. « thanks I appreciate it. » 

« Hey, look at me babe. » he said, holding your chin up for you to meet his gaze. « I’m just so proud of you! You did this all by yourself ! You’re one of the smartest people I know ! You actually graduated that is just awesome. » he beamed. 

He was so proud of you, indeed, he knew how much you worked for this to happen, he knew that it meant a lot to you and your family. Getting an education was so important to you, and here you were five years later, your diploma in hand. 

Charlie knew that you loved him, but he didn’t knew how much. He was your world, he was your everything and you couldn’t envision your life without him. 

« You know that I love you, and I’m so glad you are in my life, I don’t know what I would do without you. You are my rock and know that I’m always here for you. » you said with teary eyes. 

« Ohhh bae, don’t cry, I’m right here » he held you even closer to him, « you are my family, and I just love you so much. I can’t even find my words, and you know me, I always have something to say ! » you laughed at his silly behavior. 

You decided that it was better for the both of you to go back with your family. They loved Charlie, but they wanted to be a part of your big day too. Charlie never let go of your hand, he was always having his hands on you, wether it was on your back, your knee. 

« So are you ready to come back home Y/N ? » asked your dad. Charlie and yourself froze. 

« Uhm… well about that. We talked with Charlie, and we decided to move in together » at the end of the sentence your voice was high as if you were waiting for their wrath to unfold.

« Oh, oh. Well we quite expected it but okay. » you could tell that your parents were a bit sad but you understand that seeing your kid going off, living with her boyfriend might not be easy. They stilled respected your choice and at the end of the day they were happy for you. 

—————————

You had one suitcase in one hand, and you were trying to carry your bags on the other hand. Charlie saw you struggling and immediately came to the rescue. 

« Babe, you’re moving with me, not kicking me out of my own apartment. » he laughed at the amount of stuff you were bringing with you. You pouted and he quickly kissed you. 

« I’m just kidding, love you »  

—————————

 You finally put the last bag down in Charlie and yours now apartment. He came behind you, sneaked his hands around your stomach and let his head fall on your shoulder. He was so cute that way, his hair was a bit more disciplined than any other day, and oh god that suit. This suit has been on your mind all day long. 

You turned to face him. « So what do you think ? » 

« It is perfect. But do you know what would be more perfect » you bit your lip and you heard him groan. 

« No, but I have a feeling you’re about to tell me » he smiled. 

« I don’t think I had my graduation present from you. » you said like you are just thinking about it now. 

« Oh yeah ? I guess we could mend that can’t we. » he smirked. 

He lifted you up, your legs instantly wrapping themselves around his waist. He lead you to the room where he began to kiss your neck. There was teeth, lips, breaths. The atmosphere was heavy.  

[star-birthmark]

hi hi can i have some (secretly) needy Jotaro who misses his s/o while he's on a trip? What does he miss about her/thinking about gift ideas/etc etc. And their reunion if possible!! (she/her pronouns) thank u v much uwu have a nice day c:

Anon, thank you, this is the exact ask I need right now. Not gonna lie, I’m feeling pretty fucking down right now, not doing well mentally, so any chance to write/read anything with Jotaro (my f/o) is welcome. Today has not been a good day, at all, here’s hoping this makes it better. 

Anyway, side note, the reference to the ring is here. 

Without further ado: Missing you: Jotaro x Reader (2k words)

Jotaro had had enough. He even didn’t realize how much he missed you until he found himself in his American office, meanwhile, you were a fifteen-hour flight away in Japan. The scientist grumbled, unable to focus on his work. Putting it aside, he instead turned and stared out the window, looking out at the beautiful Florida coast. He understood why the Speedwagon Foundation needed him there in Florida, to inspect the whereabouts of any stand arrows or followers of Dio, as well as to continue his research. But he also understood why they needed him in Italy... and then in Britain... and then in Egypt... and then finally in Florida, each trip one right after the other. 

Jotaro began tapping his fingertips along the wood of his desk, a nervous, angry tick he’d developed in his travels. Including all these damn business trips together, he’d been gone from you for a collective 2 months now. Sure, you two have called each other, but no amount of hours over the phone could equate to coming home to you, and resting close to you in shared bed as you melted away his anxieties about his coworkers expecting so much from him, and how he feels he might not be good enough for his job. But you knew better than to let him feel that way, and you always managed to make him feel loved and cared for. 

But you weren’t here. And Jotaro missed you more than he’d openly admit. The tapping on his desk continued the more upset he got. 

He had two days left in Florida before he’d be able to go home, and he could not wait. He wondered what he’d do with you when he finally got home. He wanted to do something special with you since it’s been so long. There was a fancy new restaurant that had opened up near you two in the city, but you’d both been too busy, and he had been dying to take you there. It was a very black tie place though... The thought of you in a beautiful dress, looking as beautiful dress, looking as beautiful as ever, had the young man grinning shyly to himself. Inwardly, Star Platinum was doing backflips at the idea. A chance after so long to spend time with you, to have a relaxing evening with you, and not his stuffy, older coworkers who didn’t understand his hard travel and homesickness. Jotaro tipped his white hat over his darkened eyes. A nice dinner together, a walk in the park afterward, a kiss under one of the street lamps. Jotaro smiled wider and Star Platinum immerged from his form. The two of them shared a knowing look. 

“Ora...”

“Yeah yeah... I know. I love kissing (y/n) too...” 

Jotaro slapped his stand on the arm after such a lovesick comment. But oh man... a kiss from you right then would have been heaven on Earth. Jotaro hadn’t even liked anything romantic until he met you. Then when you first kissed, he finally understood why everyone else in the world loves it so much. Jotaro knew he wasn’t the most romantic of boyfriends, but you were the only one on Earth that could bring out his soft side like this. He wanted to do so many things with you, all of them impeded by the distance between you two. Kiss you, go on a date, laugh together, cuddle, and even go one step further-

“Dr. Kujo? Your meeting with the senior donors is in five minutes.” 

Jotaro stopped his tapping on his desk, having realized that he should have been preparing for this meeting instead of being distracted by thoughts of you. Jotaro thanked his assistant and stood up from his desk, his mind still racing the more he missed you. 

He should get you something. 

You’ve been so patient with him and his constant travel, but now that his most recent study was coming to a close, plus he’d managed to track down another arrow, Jotaro figured he should reward you for your patience. Walking the hallways of the SPW compound, the young scientist pondered what gift to get you. Star Platinum floated beside him, easily phasing though the none stand user employees. The stand and user discussed possibilities together, the other staff playing Jotaro no ming. They knew he was talking to his stand, even if they couldn’t see it. 

Star Platinum thought on potential gifts for you while Jotaro walked across the company campus to his meeting. 

“Ora?” 

Jotaro thought about it. “No... too flashy. (y/n)’s more relaxed, you know that.”

“Ora...Ora?” 

“How am I supposed to fit that on the plane?!” 

“Ora ora!”

“No...not doing that...”

“Ora... Ora! ORA ORA ORA!”

“Oh yeah? What’s your brilliant idea star?”

“...Ora.”

Jotaro stopped in his tracks, turning to his stand, who was now giving him a big, giddy smile. 

“A ring? You think so?” 

Star nodded. “Ora.” Jotaro blushed more while walking to the meeting.

“An engagement ring?! Really?!” 

“Ora ora!” The stand said gleefully, nodding until his head hurt, 

“Wow... the thought never occurred to me to ask (y/n) to marry me...” Star rolled his eyes and punched Jotaro on the arm. Jotaro huffed. 

“Alright alright, good grief. If you’re thinking it, that must mean I’m thinking it too. You’re me. I get it.” The moment the thought of proposing to you came to his head, Jotaro simply couldn’t get it out. 

“I mean... I have all day tomorrow to get a ring. And I already know what size she is...”

Well... that was it. That was what he was going to do. Jotaro Kujo was going to propose to you. The young man walked into the meeting with new confidence in his step, despite his face being bright red with smitten embarrassment. Star Platinum was even more excited, barely able to contain himself. Jotaro kept waving for him to go away until he was interrupted by a senior professor at the meeting. 

“Umm... Dr. Kujo? Could you please introduce yourself to the group now that you’ve entered the room?” 

Jotaro looked around, now unbelievably anxious as he rushed to sit down. “Yeah.. of course. Hello everyone.” The meeting continued, Jotaro’s fingers tapping on the table as he thought what kind of ring to get. 

- - - 

The day finally arrived that Jotaro would return from two months of travel, and you were so excited you could hardly contain yourself. At that point in your two’s separation, your patience was wearing very thin, and you were ready for Jotaro to get here so you could jump him and make up for the lost time. 

 You did everything to make sure he was coming back to a peaceful home. You’d already finished your work at your own lab, so you found the time to clean the house, hang up a “welcome home” sign, and even call up Mrs. Holly for a recipe on what Jotaro would like best to eat for dinner when he arrives. Everything was set. You were anxiously waiting in the living room near the front door and Jotaro was anxiously waiting in the cab to get home to you. The ring box was hidden under his mountain of papers and files, and he was itching to finally pop the question, even if he was a little nervous about it all. 

Finally, he arrived at the front door, standing on the porch and calming himself down enough to open it. He went looking for his keys in his briefcase, unable to find them after so long of not needing them. However, this problem didn’t really present an issue when you swung the door open in front of him. Jotaro looked up part his hat to see you standing there. He gulped. You looked beautiful. 

“...Hi dear, long time no see-”

“Jotaro!” 

Even Jotaro was surprised when you managed to tackle him in a tight hug, the two of you landing on the front lawn, the fall broken by the soft grass. You stared into his shocked face before leaning in to give your love a deep, fulfilling kiss after two lonely months. Jotaro let out a heavy sigh, melting into your touch as you rested on top of him, both of you oblivious to your neighbors seeing everything. When you two finally broke your contact and stood up, Jotaro turned to you with a small grin. 

“How’d you know I was outside? I wasn’t making any noise so I could surprise you.” 

You chuckled a bit. “Well... I could see Star jumping up and down through the window.” 

Both of you turned to see your stands happily reuniting with one another with kisses of their own as well. Jotaro groaned in embarrassment before you reminded him that you two were the only ones that could see the stands, and you all went inside. You could barely contain your excitement, Jotaro could barely contain his nerves. You turned to him, bouncing off the walls with a smile on your face, and rushing around between the kitchen and the living room, taking his suitcase from him. 

“Come in, come in you big lug. Give me your suitcase, we’ll wash everything tomorrow. I made dinner for us, your favorite too. A-and there’s a Columbo marathon waiting for us and then I also wanna just relax with you and um... well, you know. Umm... and I’m sorry that I don’t look better than I do. I was wearing the outfit that I wanted to wear while I was cooking but it got dirty so it’s in the laundry so-”

“(y/n).”

You stopped your rambling and moving about and turned to your boyfriend as he remained standing in the front entrance of the house. Jotaro calmly took his white hat and jacket off, hanging them up on the coat rack, before turning to you with a shy smile, small tears in his eyes.

“... I’ve really missed you.”

You felt your heart soar in your chest as you approached Jotaro once more, your own vision now clouded with tears as well. You wrapped your arms around him, resting your head in his chest and sniffling a bit. 

“I’ve really missed you too...” Jotaro smiled and looked down at the top of your head, giving you a soft kiss, and taking in your scent and warmth, both of which he’d missed more than anything. 

“I love you so much (y/n)...”

“I love you too...” After several minutes of you two standing there, Jotaro finally spoke up. 

“Alright... come on. We’re going out for dinner.” 

You turned to him confused. “But what about all the stuff I cooked?!” 

“We’ll eat it tomorrow.”

“But what about Columbo?”

“Columbo’s not going anywhere.” 

“But-”

“(y/n). You’ve been so great and patient with me these past two months, just let me spoil you.”

You pouted before sighing and reaching up on your toes, you give Jotaro a quick peck on the lips. 

“Alright, I’ll get ready. Is this place fancy?” 

“Yeah... wear the purple dress?” 

You smile. “Sure dear.” 

Jotaro smiled, watching you head back to the bedroom to change. After not long of waiting, he looked up at the sound of your heels clicking on the floor. You finished fidgeting with your gold stud earring before turning to him. 

“How do I look?”

Jotaro stood up from his seat, in awe, a big grin on forming on his face. 

“If we didn’t have reservations, I’d jump you and carry you upstairs right now.” 

You smirked at him. “We could cancel...” You said flirtingly. 

Jotaro shook his head. “Nope, no chance.” 

You smacked his chest playfully with a pout and turned towards the exit to get your coat. Seeing that your back was to him and he was out of sight, Star Platinum quickly handed Jotaro the ring box having gotten it from the biologist’s briefcase. Jotaro opened it and smiled at the star-shaped diamond at the center of the rose gold band. Once you turned around though, Jotaro quickly hid it away. 

“Ready to go?” You asked, holding out your hand. Jotaro took it in his. 

“Yeah... let’s go.”  

[voidselfshipp]

The Runaway

Ok to rb.

Cw: alcohol, guns,Knife ment

jill came back home one night after work, she pulls out a bottle of whiskey and a glass, pouring a whole glass for her, and drinks.

she sighs sitting on the couch watching the city below,how does she tells this to jerico?

things got shaky since carlos joined UBCS again, working with jill as part of the BSAA, and with the accident in Terragrigia the world has been extra shaky.

she puts down the glass walking to their bedroom, sitting besides jerico.

--dont need to tell me--jeri said taking the stars officer by surprise, she sits with her hugging her--do you have to do it?,carlos already left last week--jill kisses her--this isnt going to work out is it?

the other woman sighs hugging her tightly--can we just talk about it tomorrow?

she nodds--yes we can jill--jer smiles softly.

--i love your little fangs--jill said kissing her again.

♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡

jerico opened her eyes, the gentle sunlight entered through the windows, she gets out of bed,dragging her feet to the kitchen,making breakfast.

waffle runs at her owner,she picks her up--morning waff

she sits on the sofa turning on the tv, drinking her tea, watching the news.

"and now, agent Jill Valentine giving a live report on the accident of terragrigia--"jerico turns off the tv, grabs her phone.

"

dani ❤️

--hey jer, i know youve been on umbrella since jill left, i found out (and by that i mean i tortured someone) for this info.

umbrella is exchanging plans for a new bioweapon in a bar near your place , maybe you can screw em over.

but be carefull okay?"

jer smiled with a toothy grin, answering "thanks dan, ill check it out"

finally,some purpose, she stands up going to her closet, pushing a buttom to reveal some weapons that might come in handy.

she takes out a few, like a silenced gun, a knife and some brassknuckles.

needless to say she was on a war path.

that night, jerico snuck in the bar, the loud music rang in her ear, sighing in annoyance she walked up to the bar-- Irish whiskey please!--she shouts over at the barista.

as she waits, jer fiddles with her long nails, they grow in size and sharpen, tongue passing over her teeth,unaware of the man besides her.

jerico looks at the man, instantly recognizing him even if the years passed out.

--well fuck me, nikolai!--she said happily.

nikolai seemed to also recognize her , smiling--look at you young one, all grown up

--well i wouldve died if you didnt save my ass back at RC

the man chuckled--what brings you here? good drinks? bussines?

jer raised a brow-- half decent drinks dont you mean?

the man laughs shaking his head-- da

she giggles--bussines, see im on personal mission

niko leaned in while the barista handed them their drinks--how personal are we talking?

jerico takes a sip from her drink-- how about, umbrella fucked up my happiest relationshipp yet, kind of personal...

the russian man nodds, taking a swig of his beer--well, youve found youself a good bussiness partner...

she looks at him--well,partner, shall we?--she looked at the umbrella men with a suitcase in hand.

he nodds.

gunshots rang through the air, both jerico and nikolai run to the exit,she hopps on her motorcycle, and signals him to jump on.

they speed away, being followed by the umbrella men, there in the distance a drawbridge with a fast approaching boat.

--i have an idea, but its crazy

--wait what?!--nikolai protested.

--hold on tight!--jeri speeds up,the drawbridge soon to be near, with enough speed she jumps it, the motorcyle drifts the tires screeching.

once in the safety of her appartment,jerico hands nikolai a beer.

he leans on the kitchen counter--youre crazy--he said with a playfull scoff after it.

she laughs leaning closer to him--i never thought us reuniting would be this fun

niko looked at her putting a hand on her cheek--its about to get a lot more fun

jerico laughs pulling him in for a kiss.

the next day nikolai stayed over, and the next day, and the day after.

--there you are!--niko said picking up waffle after she hid under the couch--all dirty, we need to give you a bath da?

jer snuck behind him,hugging him--yes, we need to give you a bath

both smile pressing their foreheads togheter--youre very happy today--the russian man said cleaning waffle up, the dog swiming in the bathtub.

--well, tomorrow its going to be our third anniversary

--da,the day i met my beautiful girlfriend and her amazing dog

she giggles kissing him, he kisses her back.

waffle barks, wanting the attention all for herself, both chuckle and dry her up,spending the night cuddling and watching movies, with nikolais hilarious comments on american films.

[crimsonblackrose]

I’m officially reunited with about 90% of my things. It’s weird. Very very weird but I feel like there’s some stable ground beneath my feet. It just feels nice to not be living out of a suitcase that’s mostly business professional clothing and be reunited with comfy college t-shirts. I’ve gone through all of my stuff, mostly organized it, and set up a bookcase. As a lifelong bookworm and someone who went to college for writing, I have a lot of books. And I haven’t read all of those books. So I decided books I haven’t read or don’t remember reading will go on the bookcase. The rest will stay in their boxes.

My plan when I was expecting to come home pre-pandemic was to frequent the library but try and focus on the books I haven’t read yet that I own. I figured if there were things I desperately wanted to read that I couldn’t get at the library I’d get it for my e-reader or maybe at the store after getting a job. But then the pandemic happened and our library has only recently opened so e-reader and my TBR bookcase should get me through for a while. (Plus I can always grab something off of my aunt or uncle’s bookshelves if I need to branch out. They’ve already given me recommendations.)

The Divine Comedy of Dante Alighieri by Dante Alighieri. This book is too big to fit on the shelves so it’s chilling at the top with my Korean Count of Monte Cristo musical book. This is one of my Dad’s books that he gave me when he moved. I’m sure I missed more that are in a box in the basement. I organized but I have lot of books so I know I missed things.f

So buckle up here’s all the books on my bookcase in no particular order. Shelf #!.

The Earthsea Trilogy by Ursula K. Le Guin Ursula K. Le Guin is a staple author for fantasy and I thought for sure I’d read this but I wasn’t 100% sure so I grabbed it anyway.

Monsterkind by Taylor C. I kickstarted this a long time ago and it’s one of the things in my boxes that I didn’t realize I had because I’m pretty sure it arrived while I was in Korea. I’ve sadly missed the cut off for book two but am pretty excited to jump into this.

This Dark Endeavor by Kenneth Oppel. I don’t know when or where I got it but looking at the tag line I can see why I found it intriguing “The Apprenticeship of Victor Frankenstein” sounds fun.

And Another thing… Douglas Adams Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Part six of Three by Eoin Colfer. Fun fact when I was in elementary through high school I read everything Eoin Colfer I could get my hands on and I loved The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy and everything I’ve read by Douglas Adams so this was a no brainer. Though I haven���t read it because I guess I don’t know what it is.Aa sequel? A prequel? Something in between? No idea, it’ll be a fun adventure.

What You Don’t Know About Men by Michael Burke. This is one of those books where I’m just staring at it wondering where it came from and why I have it.  It is signed and after deep diving my own Instagram it’s a book from college. But whether I met the author at an event, something I was volunteering for or at school is beyond me.

Gramarye City by Paul Revere Lester. This is another signed book, but I’m pretty sure it’s self published since there was nothing about it on Goodreads. Could be wrong. But this one I don’t know if it’s from high school writer’s club or what since it, like the last one references my own writing and cheers me on in the note with the signing.

Fiery Dark Secret by Emma Bown Meyer this one is also signed but doesn’t reference my own writing or any sort of cheering me on so who knows. I’m going to assume this is from a library event where the authors came and signed their books from when I was in high school.

Hush Girls by Emily Hansen. Another signed book. You could guess that I don’t read books I get signed but in this case this came out this year and it’s one of the few books I’ve recently purchased. Emily Hansen was one of my cohorts and I try my best to support my cohorts.

Lost in the City by Edward P. Jones, did I get this book because it was recommended reading in college or because it looks cool or was it gifted to me? No clue.

Zombies vs Unicorns. This is a collection of short stories about Zombies versus Unicorns. So each author picked a team and wrote a story to try and grab the reader to their side and some of my favorite authors are in this collection and it’s just super cool looking so I’m greatly looking forward to reading it.

Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris, oh this book hasn’t been read out of pure spite. My department in college had this thing where we had to go and attend “literary” events and then write about them as part of our grade. The problem being there were plenty of literary events for people over the age of 21. So many readings and events that our teachers recommended did not work for those of us under the age of 21 who weren’t allowed in the bars. For one of these my friend said that a famous author had an event at Borders (RIP) on the other end of the city from where we lived. So a small group of us went all the way out to that Borders realized we weren’t early enough to sit in on the discussion which was then sold out and our best and final bet was to get a number for the book signing. So we did that and got dinner nearby. My friends had books but I had nothing to get signed. This book was one of the few ones out and on sale so I bought it and then spent the many hours left waiting in that line reading manga.

Here’s the thing. Kudos to David Sedaris’s work ethic. He’s one of those authors who will stay until everyone in line goes through as long as the place is willing to stay open. Which is super cool. But for me, a college kid who was utterly exhausted and had never even heard of the author before, showed up at 3am after waiting in line for ages to learn Mr. Sedaris either requests a joke or gives you a joke when he meets you. I really really just wanted to get the book signed so I could go back to my dorm and sleep and then write up my journal entry for class. I wasn’t in the mood for jokes. And my humor isn’t really okay with cancer jokes at any time let alone 3am. So I haven’t read this book. It’s been on my shelves for ages, moved from dorm room to dorm room to boxes and forgotten. But it’s signed. And even though I’m still very bitter I’m willing to give it a shot. But I don’t have high hopes.

Listen to the Echos, The Ray Bradbury Interviews by Sam Weller, to continue with the books I’m bitter about and have been putting off reading. This book is also signed and the signing is the part that I’m a little bitter about. Again backstory time. So there’s two things you should know. One is that my school would host some pretty cool events from time to time with dinners and what not with authors or other people in the arts and one of my best college friends and her family went to this school fancy dinner at, I believe, the school’s President’s home and they very sweetly got me this book. What kills me on the inside is the signing.

Lauren!

A gift from the —– family!

Live Forever!

Sam Weller

Now you might be like well it is a gift, right? True. But the kicker. The painful kicker was that Sam Weller was my teacher. I was in his Ray Bradbury class at the time this was signed. I spent an entire semester learning about what made Ray Bradbury who he was and how his short stories and works created a ripple effect that gave us so many beloved movies, stories and idioms we have today. I loved that class. I planned to get this book myself and get it signed because I enjoyed it and the teacher so much. And this is the equivalent of getting “Have a great summer” in your yearbook. Now to be real, he probably didn’t put two and two together and at some point, I could’ve tried to get it re-signed but I didn’t. I should’ve, I wish I did. Because I remember laughing about it and taking the book to class but I chickened out. I think, in all honesty, it has to do with teachers who make huge impacts on you and then forgetting who you are when you’re not in class with them. My college departmental advisor just completely forgot who I was when I went to visit after graduating. I get it. I do, but it sure does sting.

Breverton’s Nautical Curiosities by Terry Breverton which is a delightful book about nautical things, another passion of mine from growing up. I’ve never sat down and read it but I’ve flipped through it many a time.

Feeding Hannibal a Connoisseur’s Cookbook by Janice Poon. I loved this TV show and I’m forever in awe of Janice Poon and how she made the food look appetizing but also vaguely human (gross, very gross) while also edible for the cast. I bought this in Korea at the Seoul Comic Con and brought it home.

Healing Herbal Teas: A Complete Guid to Making Delicious, Healthful Beverages by Brigitte Mars, A.H.G. I don’t know if you know this but I love tea. I’m warming up to coffee in the same way I am to booze, as long as I don’t taste it we’re good. But with tea I’m obsessed. This was a gift. I haven’t set about reading it but I am curious about it.

Onto shelf #2

East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I’m not sure if other majors have this but my department while I was there was pretty obsessed with this book. Not teacher’s necessarily but my cohorts talked about it a lot and said they loved it or talked about how it shaped them. So I bought it. Don’t know why since one of the go-to books that drew a lot of students to our school and department because the teacher worked there  creeped me out but hey, willing to give this massive book a try.

The Revenge of the Shadow King by Derek Benz and J.S. Lewis. This is a book that’s been on my shelf a long time. Probably since around when it came out in 2005 that I just kept putting off reading even though I knew I wanted to read it. I’m a sucker for fantasy novels with fey or even a twisty dark vibe to them.

Eyes Like Stars by Lisa Mantchev. I’m going to be honest, bought this book because of the cover. It was a pretty art style with faeries of some kind.

The Magicina of Hoad by Margaret Mahy, for a paperback this book is super shiny. Not sure if that’s why I got it or because anything genre tended to grab my attention in high school.

Timeline by Michael Crichton. In my first year of college, my group of friends and I had a secret Santa and the person who had me didn’t have a clue what to get me except books. So he decided to do one of my favorite things ever which was to get me some books that were his favorites. This is one of them that I hadn’t gotten around to reading yet.

Procession of the Dead by Darren Shan. I’ve been saving this one. I spent most of high school and college devouring any nightmarish adventure Darren Shan concocted. The Thin Executioner is still one of my favorites despite being so ghastly. This one though I remember spotting at the store and going “how dare no one tell me he’d come out with a new book?” And grabbing it. However after living overseas so long I’m sure I’m behind on a lot of books and authors I used to keep up to date on before.

The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel: The Sorceress, The Necromancer and the Magician by Michael Scott. You may remember I’ve read the first in this series and did not enjoy it. But I heard from some other readers that the series gets better and since I have these three books as hard backs which aren’t cheap I’m determined to read them and give them a shot before…probably donating them.

Lost in Space by Ben Tanser. My college hosted a literary event every year while I was there called Story Week. They invited authors and publishers and agents to celebrate books and share what they knew and it was free. As a person who volunteered for it several times it means I’m not sure if I bought all the books I own or if I just got some of the books and this is one of them. I know the publisher was big with our school, our teachers and faculty loved Curbside Splendor, but again I don’t know. This isn’t signed so I think it’s a case of I got it to better understand the publisher and then didn’t get around to reading it because I had big paper’s due like every other day and required reading as well as job and club responsibilities. How I got any fun reading done is beyond me.

The Old Neighborhood by Bill Hillmann is one that I’m kind of embarrassed I didn’t read before now. It’s signed and the author came to class to talk to us about his work because he was good friends with our teacher. He seemed pretty cool and still does. He usually does the Running of the Bulls in Spain and actually got pretty injured one year and made international news.

Where’d you go, Bernadette by Maria Semple. I got this book for free as part of “World Book Night U.S. April 23, 2014” which is pretty cool but I did not read it when I think I was supposed to. Nearly over 6 years late on that one. Sorry World Book Night.

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I don’t know about this one. Did I get it because movies were being adapted of Ayn Rand’s work? Did I get it because people were talking about it? Did I get it just out of curiosity because her work is so polarising and pretty much as hated as Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey were within my cohort? Was it on a list of books to read? Not a clue. I’ve read Atlas Shrugged since and looking at the size of this book it’s going to be a long journey of tiny print.

The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett. My local public library when I was growing up would participate in a book event where they’d pick a book and then everyone could sign up for that book and they’d host events related to it. Like a big massive book club. Chicago did it too with Neverwhere and many others. I signed up, got the book and then…didn’t read it.

The Princess and the Pirates: The Timelight Stone by Mio Chizuru. This book is a library book. A high school library book that they stamped with rejected and removed all the stuff on it. I assume I got this from a book sale of our library getting rid of books or the librarian just told me she was getting rid of books and since I was working there during my free periods repairing books. The bonus I guess of being a constant presence. It looks like manga but it’s actually a novel, so it’ll be interesting.

Emerald Death by Bill Craig I’m not 100% certain but I’m pretty sure this was from my childhood public library again. It’s signed and I think it was from one of the author events.

The Best of Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet this is like Lost in Space. I bought this so I could better understand the publication because my genre teachers were full of praise for Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet and honestly loved the style. But got too busy to read it. I’m sure I have another collection or two for a different publisher in my boxes somewhere but that can wait. I’ve never really been one to read anthologies or collections of short stories so these types of books usually fall a bit on my TBR list. But I should read them.

Push and The Kid by Sapphire. Both of these are signed and were from a literary event while I was in college through the Harold Washington Library. I think I attended an interview at the library where she discussed her work. From what I remember I know these books aren’t going to be the happiest so I am pretty sure that’s why I’ve set them aside.

The final shelf time.

The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer.  I borrowed this book in high school from my dad because we were supposed to read it in English and then…never did. I don’t know why. We probably we got too busy in the other books we were supposed to read that we also never finished. Like Julius Ceaser by Shakespeare that we just stopped reading after he died. So, thank you, Dad, for letting me keep it along with all the others.

The Three Theban Plays by Sophocles, this book is pretty beaten up but I always grab classics even if 70% of the time I hate them. This was probably for a class, quite possibly the most frustrating class I ever took, or I found it cheap somewhere.

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo I picked this up in Paris. Pretty sure I read some copy of this in high school in French and I’ve seen the musical in Korean and the movie version as well as the old film of the musical my French teacher had…but we’ll see how I remember it as I go with the translated English.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo. I also got this in Paris. I’ve never read it but after learning about how it single handedly saved Notre Dame I feel like I have to.

Redwall: The Rogue Crew by Brian Jacques. This is the last book Brain Jacques wrote that was published posthumously. I loved Redwall so much and I’m pretty sure I’ve read almost every novel Brian Jacques wrote. When he died I was heartbroken and I got the book but just couldn’t bring myself to read it.

Artemis Fowl the Atlantis Complex by Eoin Colfer, I loved the Artemis Fowl series when I was younger and I really want to jump into this book which is book 7 in the series but I think I’m going to have to go back through my boxes and find the rest of them before reading book seven. It’s been waaaayyyy too long.

The Faeman Quest by Herbie Brennan is another series I absolutely adored when I was younger. Again it’s another where it’s been so long I’ll probably have to re-read the previous books in The Faerie Wars Chronicles to fully understand what’s going on here.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. Up to this point I was fairly good at reading all of Neil Gaiman’s works. And attending any event he had in Chicago. This one I remember going to with a bunch of friends at the Music Box theater and then staying up late with them to get it signed. It was a fun event but I was saving it to read later since it’s a small book.

Silas Marner by George Eliot not sure where this one came from but I haven’t read it so here it is. I recognize the title though but don’t know why.

A Confusion of Princes by Garth Nix. I love books by Garth Nix he’s one of those authors in Zombies vs Unicorns but I haven’t gotten around to reading this one or even finishing the series of his I started and loved when I was younger. (I don’t like things to end)

Swords of Riverside by Ellen Kushner. This has harlequin romance vibes from the cover but also older fantasy/historical novel vibes. Don’t know where I got it or why but it’ll be interesting for sure. Very curious to see which it falls into or if just the long hair blown back by invisible wind on the male character was just for fun.

Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld, middle school/high school me might not have jumped on the Uglies train whenever one else did but I apparently went ahead and got this book by the author. (Fun fact he’s also in Zombies vs Unicorns). I assume I grabbed it because of the familiar author name and the steampunk vibe of the cover.

Seven Sorcerers by Caro King has a spooky-looking cover with magic vibes, my go to when I was younger.

Changeling by Delia Sherman, when I tell you any sort of fantasy fey adventure or magic novel usually ended up on my shelf just because it fell into that category I’m not joking. This cover is kinda creepy and weird but I can see why I got it because of the title. Oh boy.

These are the books that I plan to read for the most part of the rest of this year. Mixing in e-books and maybe some old ones. There are more books on my bookcase but those are reference or books I’ve read but didn’t remember until I started making this list and realized I had. I also have several books that I didn’t realize were book 6 of a series where I haven’t read or own book one through five. So that’s going to require being set aside until I can check books out from the library. (I’m putting it off because I’m trying to figure out how to renew my library card that’s been inactive for over 5 years during a pandemic)

Anyway wish me luck.

What are some books you’ve had on your shelf for a long time and haven’t gotten rid of but also haven’t read yet?

TBR Bookcase tour I'm officially reunited with about 90% of my things. It's weird. Very very weird but I feel like there's some stable ground beneath my feet.

[notquitedailyamy]

Three Weeks LA-ter

It’s now three weeks since I was plunged back into the ice bath of the UK. I’m sure those ’cubes ought to have melted by now, and that bathwater warmed enough to meet my shellshocked thermo-receptors in the middle.... But, alas, I still find myself favouring those extra two layers of clothing over flexibility.

I love winter. At heart, I’m a sworn pluviophile. Sucker for hygge. Quite happy to trade in the tan for a crunch of frost underfoot, swap the extra hours of daylight for the crackle of a fire and a blanket. I start getting excited about the dumplings on my Mum’s beef stew before August is out. 

However, in the process of jetting off to land in 30 degrees for a good 23 days, before being plopped back here into mid-Feb British weather, my usual hardiness has been compromised. My four seasons have been interrupted, hijacking my enthusiasm for the darker months.

I’ve already transitioned from that annual spell of bothering to remember hat, coat and umbrella, coordinating layer upon layer of clothing, heaving on clunky walking boots, and moisturising dry hands three thousand times a day for fear of falling to pieces. My brain is tuned to remember sunglasses. I have once again tasted the ease of merely having to consider a top and bottoms, the luxury of sticking to one pair of shoes with no fear of trampling mud or puddle. My pasty limbs have surfaced and been greeted once more by the sun’s bronzing kiss... 

Oh well. I’m working on getting back into the rhythm, and I trust it will happen. In the meantime: HAS SOMEONE TURNED THE HEATING ON PLEASE??! 

Anyway, I was very lucky to get my early dose of sun-dowsed fun, and here are a few highlights of the trip: 

1. SISTER 

Highlight No.1 stands head and shoulders above the rest, and that was being reunited with my sister who lives out in Los Angeles. Visa issues + my own poverty had equated to the sum of over two years apart - weep, weep, weep. 

2. FLORA & FAUNA 

One of the things I love most about touching down in new places is being surrounded by a different spectrum of plants & wildlife. Even within the UK, a hop across to the Cornish coast will offer a whole new palette from that to which I am familiar here in Suffolk; in the wild flowers spattering the hedgerows, and the bright purples of heather and yellows of gorse and lichen that adorn the slate-grey rocks. 

California certainly doesn’t disappoint on this front. Supersize is not only on the food menus... From the distinctive gravity-defying palms lining the streets, to the elaborate yet prolific birds of paradise, statuesque cacti and citrus trees lolloping over the walls of back gardens, branches laden with fruits so big one might question their genuity, it is quite clear this isn’t Suffolk, Cornwall, or indeed anywhere close to home. 

Yet if the LA landscape alone is not feast enough for the senses - I have an idea for you: why not blitz them COMPLETELY at the Huntingdon Botanical Gardens in Pasadena...

The Huntingdon pretty much offers visitors a tour around The World, by means of a peruse through sixteen sizeable themed gardens. You begin in the Californian Garden, and weave your way, jaws on the floor, through an Australian Garden, Chinese Garden, Japanese Garden, Subtropical Garden, Desert Garden, Jungle Garden........  There are so many serene spots waiting to be sought out for lunching, coffee or a ponder. Save at least a whole day for this remarkable place, and don’t miss the turtles at the Lily Ponds. 

One for the living room 

Heading down the Pacific Coast Highway from LA to San Diego, and a small detour takes you to La Jolla Cove for some incredible sea life spotting. Just how up close and personal you want to get with the seals and sea lions depends on how prepared you are to put up with the horrendous smell.

For us, the cute vibes were worth the stench at first... Until we still couldn’t get rid of it from the car days later.  

Um, not today mate, thanks.

Pelican!

By and large, it was a thrill spotting species I’m so little used to seeing, let alone in their natural habitat. There were, however, one or two fellows supposedly rolling around for which I’m grateful I did not get acquainted...

3. ART, ARCHITECTURE & DESIGN

I mentioned in a previous post about my enthusiasm for the the extreme mishmash of architecture in LA. Two years later, and it’s still a novelty for me how you can walk the lengths of residential streets and never pass the same build twice. One moment you’re outside something resembling a Spanish villa, and the next, something reminiscent of a small chateau. It’s all so interesting - I find myself transformed into a helpless busybody passing through.

The sprawling city is a bit of a swarm; so intense in parts, that it’s a relief when you happen upon a sanctuary, in whatever shape or form, to escape to. One of these for me is The Getty Center, and it was a delight to be able to return there. 

Perched high up on its hill looking out over the metropolis below, The Getty was designed by Richard Meier, and is home to magnificent gardens, art collections and ever-changing exhibitions. 

There’s architecture, and then there’s architecture... 

4. SAN DIEGO

Downtown to Old Town, the Spanish Village to the Star of India, San Diego boasts a vast range of things to see and do, all in close proximity, and only a few hours’ drive south from LA. 

The harbour is home to the USS Midway, the United States' longest serving naval aircraft carrier of the 20th century - it is overwhelmingly huge and impressive, and is now also the site of a museum. Also docked is the HMS Surprise, which was used in the filming of Master and Commander and Pirates of the Caribbean. 

The Spanish Village Arts Center in Balboa Park is a hub for local artisans, housing the studios and shops of an eclectic mix of artists, sculptors, potters, silversmiths and many more of the like. Colourful and quaint, visitors are warmly welcomed. 

Old Town - explore the Birthplace of California, get scared for $5 in haunted Whaley House, eat tacos & hand-dry with Haring:

  7. SUNSETS

Our best experiences of the setting soleil were from the expanses of Coronado Beach and the San Diego harbour.

Blankets required for rapid drop in temp, tortoise imitation not mandatory.

8. DELECTABLES

Oh it’s ALWAYS a joy. From Mexican to Korean to Japanese to Vietnamese, you can get all the good stuff. And...

Naturally

...what’s that, my suitcase is how big now?

Am I transmitting enough cosy to you with this Mexican mocha?

9. HIKES

We loved the Wisdom Tree hike, Runyon Canyon & Echo Mountain (the biggest one!). We thanked our gods for not having crossed paths with rattle snake, bear, coyote or mountain lion. 

One of my favourite things about LA is that, even when you’re in the depths of urbanicity, you can nearly always spot a mountain, and know that there’s a view like this waiting for you.

10. FURNITURE ASSEMBLY 

I jest. This was no highlight, but an integral part of the trip, so seems necessary to include. My sister had just moved into her apartment when we arrived, and we assembled IKEA flat packs till our hands blistered and our vision blurred. Even wore out a screwdriver. Standing back to inspect the results can act as silver lining here. 

Suitable Song - L.A. by Elliott Smith // Listen on Spotify 

[lifeoftheparty74]

Suprise visit

A/N: So here it is! My first ever posted Shawn Mendes imagine. I hope you enjoy!

Pairing(s): ShawnxReader

Word count: 1403

Warnings: None

In our entire relationship, we spent more time apart than we did together.

We've been together for almost two years, and when one of you is a celebrity that has tours, interviews and award shows all over the world, you don't really see each other a lot.

We first met a couple of years ago, when he was on tour and performed in my city. I went to the meet&greet, and by some miracle I ran into him later that evening.

Literally.

I wasn't looking where I was going, and bumped into his chest and he spilled his Starbucks drink all over me.

We hung out the rest of the night.

As we parted ways a couple of hours later, he asked my number.

A month later, he asked me out.

We've been together for two years now, and though it's been great, I can't pretend it doesn't get incredibly hard.

When you're in a long-distance relationship, and one of you travels a lot, of course you're bound to miss some important days together.

While Shawn is traveling a lot, it's not like I am very busy. In fact, I have enough time to visit him wherever he is. The issue there, is that I'm afraid of flying.

Cars I am okay with, and boats and trains are no big deal. But planes are. Because when I was almost ten, my dad was in a plane that crashed. No survivors.

Since then, I've had something against airplanes.

I myself have never again been on one again, but Shawn obviously has. Whenever he has to fly somewhere, I get stressed and the days leading up to the flight usually consist of nightmares of losing him.

So far, I am just glad nothing happened yet. And I continue hoping nothing will ever happen to him.

Right now, it has been seven months since I hugged my boyfriend. Obviously we've FaceTimed, and we text everyday.

But tomorrow is our second anniversary, and we're about to spend it apart. Because I had to work until this morning, and it would take hours for me to drive there, there is no possible way of us seeing each other in real life today.

He has a show in Paris, the city of love. How iconic.

Over the past years with him traveling so much, my fear of planes has gotten worse and worse. Which is why you might find it a little odd that right now I'm standing at the airport, waiting for the plane to France to be called.

***

The plane ride was terrible.  I was on my own, no one I knew could go with me.

Getting on the plane wasn't a big deal. I focused on other things like the clothes I would wear later or how I would surprise him at his show.

While he was performing?

Or after he got off stage?

I'm not sure yet.

Anyways, I was fine, until the plane started taking off.  The speed it went with was terrifying and I had trouble breathing. Once the plane started going up however and we could see the buildings on the ground shrinking, was when I lost it.

I had been so lucky there was a psychiatrist on board that knew what to do and managed to calm me down. I was so happy when the plane finally landed and I could get off.

At the airport,  I was greeted by Andrew. He knew how afraid I was of planes, and knew that I'd be more comfortable driving with him than a chauffeur.

"Are you okay?" He asked as soon as he saw me, walking up to me and embracing me in a hug.

"Yeah, I am now. Thank you." I nod, as we walk to get my suitcase.

We arrived at Shawn's show an hour before he had to go up stage, so I hid in the tour bus. After a full hour of keeping myself entertained on my phone, Andrew finally came to get me, telling me it was safe to go backstage now.

As I stood there, I admired the man I was so lucky to call mine. I saw all the passion and work he threw into every performance.

He'd gone live on Instagram, positioning his phone backstage, so everyone could follow it. I had it opened too, but I was obviously more focused on the real thing right in front of me.

When Shawn had sung his last song for the night, There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back, he surprised both his fans and me when he stayed on stage and started a speech.

About me.

God, I love this man.

"Even though she can't be here tonight, I want to say this to her.

"Y/n, baby, I love you. I still remember that night a little over two years ago, when I first met you. My first thought when you walked into that meet and greet was how insanely adorable you were. You wore that light pink shirt you loved so much, and your hair was in a beautiful side braid. You smiled so wide.

"But the first thing I noticed about you, were your eyes. That beautiful deep shade I got lost in.

"To this day, I still love your eyes a lot.

"But the best thing about you must be your personality.

"Not only your happiness and sarcasm, but also how supportive you are. Without you, I would not be standing here today.

"I also love how clingy you can sometimes be.

"How you hold on to me for hours and won't let go, how you steal all my hoodies and sweatpants, and can cuddle with me for hours.

"I love you, baby. Happy anniversary."

By the end of his speech, I was swooning. Most girls in the audience were too.

Suddenly I get an idea, and before Shawn leaves the stage, I call his phone from mine. Andrew sees what I'm doing, and runs up the stage, phone in hand.

"Shawn, it's Y/n."

He immediately answers, mouth still close to the mic.

"Hi sweetie."

"Hey" I giggle back softly, covering the underside of my phone, hoping he can't hear the screaming fans through it.

"Are you watching right now?"

"No, I'm not." I know he knows I'm rolling my eyes. "Of course I am, you dweeb. I love you."

"I love you too, babe. And I miss you. So much."

"I missed you too." I respond, grinning as I hang up the phone.

"MissED? What do you mean? Y/n -" He gets shut up by the screaming fans as I walk on stage.

He looks around him confused, and as he finally spots me, I see that smile.

That smile he only gives me.

As I am finally in his arms again and can breathe in his scent, I'm not finally with my boyfriend again.

I'm finally home again.

***

"How did you even get here? You had work yesterday and it takes hours to drive here."

I blush confidently. "I flew."

He spins around, dropping his phone to the floor. "You what?"

"I flew."

His mouth gaped open, wide eyes staring at me.

"But babe, you're-"

"Afraid of planes. Yeah."

He turned around more, laying one hand on my right shoulder and the other tilting up my chin, staring into my eyes.

"You got on a plane. For me."

I smiled at him. "No, I came here so I can finally fuck Connor again."

He groaned, already done with my sarcasm after fifteen minutes of being reunited.

He leaned his head on my shoulder, hands around my waist as he pulled me backwards on the bed.

"I missed you."

"So much." I replied, cuddling further into his side.

"I can't believe you actually got on a plane and I wasn't there."

"I was fine. It was scary at first, but I became kind of used to it and Andrew came to pick me up. I think I'll visit you more often while you're touring from now on."

"Really?" He asked, perking up a little.

"Really." I smiled.

"I love you." He mumbled against the skin of my neck, his lips kissing me every few seconds.

"So much." I replied, running my hand through his curls, massaging his scalp.

After two minutes, I called his name. "Shawn?"

When he didn't reply, I realized he'd fallen asleep, and with that, I closed my eyes too.

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Secrets” Part 1

The Joker did something so unforgivable and despicable you don’t ever want to see him  again. After months of avoiding The King of Gotham, you really can’t understand why he appointed you as the only person to take care of his son in case of emergency. There’s no way you’ll accept to help the little boy in his father’s absence, yet the three years old has no fault in what happened between you and your ex.

Part 2: http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/178630090876/the-joker-x-reader-secrets-part-2

You have no idea for how long you’ve been driving, but you feel the need to pull over again: the restlessness is becoming unbearable and the tears clouding your vision make it dangerous to continue the trip for the moment.

You signal and switch lanes, slowly approaching the emergency shoulder ahead without a clue about what to do afterwards; one thing’s for sure though: Y/N will definitely take refuge in LA.

At this point it’s safe to say that the town her father owns is probably the only home she ever had; not a very comforting notion yet the shocking revelation she accidentally stumbled upon a few hours ago doesn’t leave any room for alternatives.

You park as close as possible to the concrete railing and get out of the SUV, the cold air making you shiver since your coat is quite thin for the chilly spring afternoon. You start pacing around the car, hesitantly glaring at your cellphone. Should you make the call now or wait?... …

Might as well get it over with.

You press the screen on the sole name listed under “Important Contacts”: Dad.

The Joker’s phone number used to be there also; it got blocked and removed when you had to stop for fuel at a gas station back in Gotham.

Jase picks up right away and the sound of his familiar voice makes it harder to keep yourself together.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“Hi daddy,” you sniffle and bite on your lip, not wanting to cry. “How are you?”

“Not bad for an old man, kid. How’s my favorite daughter?” he asks and despite not remembering being more upset in your life, you still crack a smile since the mobster doesn’t have any other children.

“I’m OK dad,” you gulp and continue. ”I’m actually on my way to Los Angeles; I should be there tomorrow night.”

“That’s great, Y/N! I didn’t see you in a while and I sure miss you. How long are you staying?”

You take a deep breath, almost chocking on the painful words:

“Indefinitely…”

Absolute silence for a few seconds and then Jase growls:

“What the fuck did he do now?”

You sigh, choosing not to share the specifics of your decision.

“It’s just not working out…So I’m coming home…Can I use the house again please?” your request makes your parent cringe.

“That’s your house and you don’t need my permission to live there, kiddo. What’s going on, hm? You know you can tell me,” the 62 years old attempts to reason with the distressed Y/N: although she’s doing a decent job at hiding her heartache, he can read in between the lines.

“I’ll…I’ll be fine dad, don’t worry,” you mutter and your father knows better than to push for a confession; you’ll probably bring him up to date when you’ll be ready. “I think I’ll get on the road again; I have to cover as much distance as possible today.”

“Sure kid, I’ll see you soon. Drive safe!” Jase agrees because he realizes his daughter won’t be able to talk for longer: she sounds flustered and will probably burst into tears as soon as she hangs up.

“I will daddy. Bye…” is the faint answer the King of LA discerns before the conversation ends.

That son of a bitch! Jase grinds his teeth, angered at the simple affirmation of what he feared for months: The Joker was the wrong choice and certainly didn’t deserve your affection.

You were in love with him regardless.

So what the hell happened?!

************

Five hours ago

You were beyond excited to see J after the four days business trip; your father had a special request for his daughter to help smoothing out a transaction with one of his main New York partners and you obliged. Things went better than expected: Y/N managed to finish the assignment a day earlier which made the anticipation of being reunited with her boyfriend feel like a well-deserved bonus.

You rushed out of the elevator straight into the living room at the Penthouse and your enthusiasm got cut off when you saw this woman wearing one of your silk robes nonchalantly organizing piles of money in a few suitcases scattered on the floor. Her eyes got big when she noticed your presence.

“You’re early,” the woman concluded, more annoyed than surprised. “Weren’t you supposed to return tomorrow?”

You gazed at her with contempt, unaware of how bad it was.

“Who are you?” you frowned, heart beating so fast it was deafening.

She smirked, taking it upon herself to brief the clueless Y/N about the truth despite knowing The Joker will go ballistic at her actions:

“I’m his wife you dumb girl.”

You seemed stupefied and she continued:

“He does this from time to time if it benefits us business wise. Though I have to admit one year is the longest I had to share him with anybody and I’m tired of it! My husband never tells me who the women are and I trust he’s doing whatever necessary to ensure our future. I’m sick of people not knowing he’s mine!” she raised her voice, jealousy taking over. “Who are you, hm? What’s so important about you that he didn’t break it up yet?” she got worked up, seeing that as her chance to unravel the mystery of The Joker’s lengthy relationship with the stunned Y/N.

“I’m the Godfather’s daughter,” you mumbled and her entitled smile died under the burden of understanding she messed up badly.  

Damn, The King of LA’s offspring! That’s why the money was pouring in from all the transactions with the other gang, that’s why The Joker kept you for so long. Oh God, he’s going to lose his mind! He should have said something to his wife about your identity, at least this time around: you were probably his most ambitious and lucrative project ever. Unfortunately, his other half screwed up beyond repair.

J’s voice coming from upstairs got you out of trance:

“Who are you talking to Nessa?” and he starting descending from the top floor with a little boy in his arms. Half way through he realized you were there and abruptly stopped, prompting the child to complain:

“Daaaaddy, I’m hungry.”

The Joker gazed at the two women in his life and didn’t get the opportunity to reply the burning question:

“You have a child?!...”

Y/N ran out of the premises, unable to fully comprehend what she witnessed by mere coincidence. She took the stairs, stumbling and almost falling on the way down; her ears were ringing and she could barely see a few feet ahead which was much better than the aftermath of the encounter happening at the Penthouse.

The Joker put his son down and urged him to go back to the master bedroom, stomping towards his petrified wife.

“What did you tell her??” he yelled so loud it made her shiver. “What did you say??” J pushed her against the wall and Nessa took a stance despite the survival instinct advising of the opposite.

“I didn’t know she is the Godfather’s daughter, ok? I’m aware we’re doing this for us, but you should keep me in the loop! I didn’t know who she was. I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry!”

“You’re sorry???” he snarled and the eerie grimace on his face turned into genuine insanity. “You ruined all of it and you’re sorry?? Who gave you permission to open your mouth, huh?? I could have fixed this, I could have made her think I was cheating and patch it up!!!”

“Why are you so mad?...” she had the nerve to fight and J slammed her on the floor, livid at the defiant behavior. “Do you…do you actually like her??!”

“Shut up!” he kicked her and she couldn’t stop:

“Is that it?! You like her?!”

“I said SHUT UP!” The Joker got on top of Nessa and pinned her body under his, wishing to squeeze the life out of her with his bare hands for the total disaster she was responsible for.

“Mommy…” their three years old son whimpered, scared to see his parents like that; they were caught up in the feud and didn’t see Alexis sneaking downstairs. “Mommy…” the terrified little boy made his father postpone his rampage.

“You ruined my hard work,” he hissed and got off her. “One year down the drain and you have the audacity to inquire if I like her??! Do you know how much money we lost since Jase won’t do business with me after this??!!”

“I’m sorry baby,” Nessa kept on coughing and curled up in a ball.  

Alexis couldn’t stop sobbing and The Joker lift him up, panting with indignation while trying to suppress his rage.

“Sorry won’t fix shit!!!” he screamed and stormed out of the room, leaving his wife on the floor, grateful to have escaped his violent attack.

**************

After three months

You are at your father’s mansion, organizing his numerous accounts and updating wire transfers that need immediate attention after the settlements negotiated during the previous day.

“Done?” he uses his cane to knock at the opened door.

“Yes, dad. Probably 10 more minutes and I’m out of here.”

“Take your time kid,” he comes in and takes a stroll around his spacious office, wanting to share what he just found out.

You are completely absorbed into your assignment and Jase analyzes your features, delighted as always to see so much of him in his daughter.    

“Say Y/N,” he gets your attention,”wanna hear some news?”

“Hmm?” you lift your head up from the laptop, not overly curious to discover whatever he wants to share.

“Your ex nearly lost his life two days ago. Apparently an ambush. His wife was with him, my sources inform. She’s dead and he’s not doing well either,” your parent emphasizes the secret relationship and watches you squirm in your chair, startled at his unexpected revelation. “Is that why you left him?” the interrogation makes you hold your breath and he shakes his head, irritated. “You found out the jerk was married? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You exhale, cornered by the impulsive Godfather.

“Because I didn’t want the business partnership between Gotham and LA to be impacted by my personal life,” you blur out one of the main reasons for your silence.

“Business partnership?! When it comes to my family to you think I give a damn about monetary gain? Are you serious?!”

“I knew you would retaliate and I didn’t want him to think that I care. Because…because I don’t,” the sadness in your voice makes Jase calm down a bit.

“… … Why are you crying then?...” he pushes the box of tissue in front of his devastated daughter; you didn’t even realize tears are rolling down your face. Jase grabs your hand and pulls you up in his embrace, holding you closer when you start bawling your eyes out on his shoulder. “Nobody messes with my little girl,” he whispers and caresses your hair, somewhat discouraged by your objection:

“I’m 30 daddy,” you sniffle and bury your face in his shoulder again.

“Still my little girl,” your father grumbles, displeased his own flesh and blood thought she didn’t mean more to him than a few million dollars.

It’s clear you kept the secret for other reasons also, probably the most important being the embarrassment of finding out you were used and taken for an idiot by the man you obviously loved.

A whole year of lies and deceit…

The cut runs deeper when it comes from the person that meant so much it got you convinced to change your mind about not wanting children; The Joker probably laughed at your willingness to give him an heir when he already had one with his own wife.

The two of them definitely deserved each other, but he definitely didn’t deserve you.  

***********

2 weeks later at your house

“What does he want?” you sneer after one of the guards entrusted with your security told you Jonny Frost is here to ask for a meeting.

“I’m not sure, he says it’s an emergency. He has a little boy with him,” Nixon adds and you put aside the book you’re reading, intrigued. “Should I let him in?”

You nod a yes and furrow your eyebrows as soon as Frost enters the lounge: he’s carrying Alexis in his arms, the child fast asleep after the exhausting journey from Gotham to Los Angeles.

“Hello Y/N,” Jonny greets and you cut him off.

“What do you want?”

The Joker’s trusted henchman had a speech prepared for the encounter, yet given the current situation and the bitter look on your face he has to be as concise as possible.

“Mister J is very sick.”

“How is that any of my concern?!” you resentfully interrupt.

“Boss has to undergo a few surgeries since he can’t walk or talk properly,” Frost colors the big picture with a few carefully chosen words. “He left special instructions regarding his son: Mister J would like you to take care of Alexis in his absence.”

“Get out!” you snap and stand up from the couch. “Get out!” you repeat, disgusted by his demand. “The Joker has plenty of resources and people to fulfill his instructions. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!!” you yell and the three years old is rubbing his eyes, almost woken up by the commotion. “How dare you come here and ask such a thing after what happened? Get out!”

“I didn’t know,” Jonny responds since he guessed exactly what you’re referring to. “I had no clue. And even if I knew, I couldn’t have said anything anyway,” his honesty doesn’t make it better. “Please take Alexis, I can’t go back with him; you know how Mister J is. Please Y/N,” Frost pleads and you bark:

“You have 20 seconds to disappear from my sight!!”

Nixon and four other goons approach, signaling Jonny to follow them because it’s evident the fuming Y/N is not thrilled with the uninvited guests. Frost has no other option besides leaving the premises, wondering how he’s going to explain his failure to The Joker.

“Ava!” you address the woman patrolling the western corridor of the house. “Have the crew ready in one hour, I need to pick up some diamonds from Enzo Neroni.”

Jonny is too far to discern the rest of the conversation and a simple plan flourishes in his brain: Enzo is one of the smugglers J uses on a regular basis also. Frost knows exactly where to find him and this might be the only chance that will act in his favor.

At this point he has nothing to lose.

************

“What is he doing here?” you point out at The Joker’s son as Enzo neatly places the purchased diamonds in tiny jewelry boxes.

“Uhh,” he shrieks. “Frost dumped him here until he can find a safe place for the kid. I guess his father will be out of commission for at least one month and he doesn’t want anyone messing with his offspring. I’m sure they’ll be some jumping at the opportunity. Get out of my way!” Enzo pushes the little boy and he falls on his knees, picking himself up afterwards. Alexis holds his teddy bear tighter, staring at all the strangers around and seems terrified.

“Can you not do that?” you smack your lips, aggravated.

“Do what?” Enzo halts his task. “You don’t want the gems in boxes? I can put them in pouches.”

“I was talking about the young boy,” you clarify your statement.

The smuggler lifts his shoulders up, defending his indifference.

“My warehouse is no place for children. Hey, don’t touch that!” he slaps Alexis’s hand when he reaches for a bottle of water on the table. “I didn’t say you can have it! I fucking hate kids,” he gives the three years old a mean look and it pisses you off.

“Are you thirsty?” you ask and snatch the water, opening the lid.

“U-hum,” Alexis barely manages to utter.

“Can I have this water or do I need permission too?” you mock and Enzo lifts his hands up in surrender, not wanting to initiate trouble. “Here,” you offer it to the little one and help him drink. He sure is thirsty since it takes a few good seconds before finishing. “Are you hungry?” and the child shrivels up, not answering your question. “Did you give him anything to eat?”

“No; I suppose I can send somebody to fetch some food when I have a moment,” Enzo groans and arranges the boxes inside the empty suitcase you came with.

“Do you think The Joker would be happy with that answer?” you frown and the reply bothers you more than it should:

“Mister J is not here, Y/N. I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances.”

“Your best sucks!” you mutter and take the hasty decision that will change the future for the parties involved, even if you don’t know it yet. “Where are his things?”

“In my van. Why?” Enzo is curious to hear.

“He’s coming with me, that’s why! Nixon, get the diamonds,” you order the bodyguard and you extend the palm of your hand, waiting for Alexis to take it. “Come on, let’s go,” you force a grin on your face and the little boy stalls until you encourage him again. “Come on,” and the small fingers are finally trapped within yours. “Don’t be scared, it’s ok,” you walk at his pace towards the exit.

Once you and your team are gone, Enzo dials Frost’s number and informs:

“She took him.”

Jonny is not big on religion but feels that today he was granted divine intervention.

“Oh thank God! That was so close to disaster,” he sighs, relieved.

“You better tell Mister J I didn’t do anything to his son! You know she’ll talk, I don’t want him coming after me. Tell him I actually helped and it was part of the plan. Do you fucking understand? I don’t want any trouble!”

“I’ll tell him,” Frost reassures and Enzo hangs up, wondering if it was wise to get involved in the messy situation.

**************

“I’ll tuck you in,” you pull the warm covers on top of Alexis and he anxiously wiggles after another thunder strikes in the distance. “It’s alright, it’s just a storm,” you try to make the little boy relax.

You were gone for most of the day and Ava was left in charge of the kid; at least he was bathed, fed and changed in clean clothes, undoubtedly safe under your roof just like his father wished.

“My name is Y/N. What’s your name?” you adjust his stuffed teddy bear under the blankets.

“Alexis…” he shyly whispers and gulps when another strong thunder shakes the house.

“That was close,” you wink and he nervously whimpers, distracted by the loud noise.

“Whe’s mommy?” Alexis suddenly asks. “I…I want my daddy,” his eyes get teary because he doesn’t know you and he’s frightened.

A three years old can’t possibly fathom why he doesn’t see his mother anymore and why his dad disappeared also.

“They’re not here…” you bite on your cheek. “You’ll stay with me for a while.”

“I want my moommyyy,” the boy starts crying and you don’t really know what to do.

You get under the covers and pull him in your arms, attempting to comfort an agitated child that squirms to escape the stranger’s embrace.

“Ssssstt, it’s ok,” you keep on gently rocking him and another powerful thunder makes Alexis instinctively cling to your nightgown. “You’re ok, it’s just nasty weather. It will go away,” you caress his hair with one hand and use the other to hug him again. “There you go, don’t cry. It’s fine…” you smile and his eyes gaze into yours, totally immersed in your soothing presence. “Ssstttt, you’re good,” you cuddle with the kid, protectively holding him until his body is not tense anymore.

The Joker’s son is falling asleep and even if the raging tempest wreaks havoc outside, someone showing him affection after being tossed around all day makes him cozy. Alexis has no idea that the woman tricked into taking care of him has no obligation to do so; in fact quite the opposite. His luck has changed tonight especially since there are several groups interested in taking advantage at J’s present misfortune.

The secret is out and can’t be swept under the carpet: The King of Gotham was married and he does have a child. With many enemies lurking in the darkness waiting for a chance to strike, it’s a miracle it didn’t happen yet.

But a miracle never lasts for long and destiny has a funny way of making everyone pay their debts.

Or send unexpected help from a person that shouldn’t lift a finger in granting safe haven to a little boy that reminds Y/N of his father’s deception.

 Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[my-one-love-is-music]

Be My Player 2? Ch. 32

Also on AO3!

Keith bit his lip, leg bouncing up and down as they approached their gate. He was seated towards the back of the plane and he knew the wait to get off was going to kill him. He was closer to Shiro than he’d been in months and he was desperate to close that last bit of distance and finally be reunited again.

A ding sounded over his head and he glanced up to find the seatbelt light had been turned off. He pulled up on his buckle and let it fall open. He bent down and grabbed his back from under the seat in front of him and pressed it against his chest, perching on the edge of his seat as the first few rows of people stood and gathered their things.

Keith pulled his phone from his pocket and took it off airplane mode, waiting as it connected to the nearest cell tower and gave him service again. He glanced up and stumbled to his feet when he saw the first few rows of people had gotten off the plane even though he was far from moving.

His phone vibrated and glanced down at the screen, finding a message from Shiro waiting for him.

Shiro: I’ll be waiting for you outside of security. Can’t wait to see you, babe.

Keith smiled and swiped his thumb across the screen to unlock his phone. He tapped out a reply, some of his nervous energy disappearing now that his attention was redirected.

Keith: I’ll be there soon. The first few people have finally been let off. Can’t be long for me, too.

He slipped his arms through the straps of his backpack and settled it on his shoulders. He’d gotten lucky with a window seat, but now that he was waiting for the two people in his row to pull their carry ons from the overhead bins, he was regretting taking that spot.

Keith let out a breath once he was able to step out of his row and head down the aisle. The flight attendants nodded at him as he passed, and he returned it. He stepped off the plane and gripped the straps of his backpack as he hurried up the ramp to the main terminal.

He stepped around a few children and families as he passed them, edged on as he closed more and more of the distance between him and Shiro. He grinned when he stepped through the doorway and past the rows of people waiting to board the next flight.

He strode quickly, stepping around anyone who was moving slower than he was. He swallowed, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He barely registered the gates and stores he passed, only caring for the man who was waiting for him outside of security.

Keith fought down the urge to sprint when he saw the security gates. His stomach flipped happily. He hadn’t felt this giddy in a long time.

He swung around the corner past security and slowed, rising onto his toes to get a better look over the crowd. He spotted the familiar tuft of white hair over the crowd and grinned, darting past the pairs of people around him.

“Shiro!” he called, waving a hand over his head.

Shiro grinned and hurried towards him, closing the distance just as Keith launched himself into Shiro’s arms. He caught him expertly, keeping his feet off the ground.

Keith smashed their lips together, wrapping his arms tightly around Shiro’s neck. They fumbled for a second in their haste but Shiro tilted his head back to give a better angle.

Keith pressed their foreheads together, breaking the kiss so he could let out a happy sigh.

“Hi,” Keith murmured.

Shiro tightened his grip. “Hi.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before they giggled. Shiro grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling up in happiness. Shiro gave Keith one last peck on the lips before he set him back on his feet and took his hand, linking their fingers together.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Shiro said, rubbing his thumb across the back of Keith’s hand.

“I’m so glad I’m here, too. I kind of can’t believe I’m here,” Keith agreed.

“Come on,” Shiro said, tugging him away from security. “Let’s go get your bag and we can get out of here.”

Keith nodded and pressed against Shiro’s side, soaking up the warmth radiating off him.

“So how was the flight?” Shiro asked, pressing a quick kiss to the side of his head.

“Not too bad,” Keith said. “A smooth ride, I guess. I don’t really have anything to compare it to since it was my first time flying.”

“No motion sickness?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “I’ve been on the buses in Chicago. If I can handle that, I’m pretty sure I don’t have to worry about motion sickness on a plane.”

They stepped onto the escalator and faced each other. Keith’s gaze darted around Shiro’s face, taking in every detail that never came across Skype. Shiro grinned back at him.

“Are you tired? Hungry? In need of coffee?” Shiro asked, straightening as they reached the bottom of the escalator and turned towards baggage claim. With one glance at the monitor, Shiro steered Keith towards the right carousel that was already miraculously moving.

“I’m a little tired, but nothing I can’t handle,” Keith said, leaning into his side as a traitorous yawn escaped his mouth.

“Uh-huh,” Shiro teased. “Not tired?”

“I said I was a little tired,” he chuckled, elbowing Shiro in the side. “I wouldn’t mind grabbing something to eat, but I can pass on the coffee for now. Unless you’re planning on walking me all over your city, that is?” he asked.

“No, we can save that for later,” Shiro said. “I figured we could have a lazy day around the house today. I know how much flying can drain a person.”

Keith smiled and released Shiro’s hand when he spotted his suitcase coming around the belt. He slipped between two people and pulled it from the rotating belt, elbowing his way through the people he’d passed to get back to Shiro.

“Here, let me,” Shiro said, trying to take the handle of his suitcase.

Keith waved his hand away. “It’s fine. I can take care of it. You just lead the way out of here.”

Shiro pouted but pulled him towards the doors leading to the parking garage. They hurried across the crosswalk and turned down a row of cars. Shiro fished a set of keys from his pocket and clicked the middle button.

Keith saw the trunk of a car a few feet away pop open. Shiro shoved it the rest of the way up and waved his hand for Keith to put his suitcase inside. He chuckled and rolled his eyes but lifted his suitcase to slide into the back.

Shiro grinned and closed the trunk with a click before he walked around to the driver’s side door. Keith climbed into the passenger seat and took a deep breath, inhaling the unique smell of the car that carried a faint lingering of French fries.

“What do you feel like having for lunch?” Shiro asked, twisting around as he backed out of the parking space.

“What’s good around here?” Keith asked, squinting against the sunlight as they approached the exit for the parking garage. Shiro rolled down his window to insert the parking ticket and slipped a few dollars into the machine to pay.

“There’s this really good Indian place on the way to my house,” Shiro said, accelerating as they left the airport behind and got onto the highway.

Keith smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

He glanced down at Shiro’s hand resting on the gear shift. He placed his hand over Shiro’s and nudged his fingers to uncurl from the leather handle, linking their fingers together. Shiro squeezed his hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.

~~

Keith grinned and sat forward as they pulled into the driveway of a small house. When they came to a stop, he shoved the door open and climbed out with the bag of food they’d picked up.

It looked to be one floor and there wasn’t a garage attached for Shiro to park in. There was a small awning over the door, but there wasn’t a porch in the front.

“Care to show me around?” Keith asked, glancing over his shoulder at Shiro who was walking around the opposite side with his suitcase.

“Of course.” He flipped his keyring around and walked up the small path to the front door. He jammed the key into the lock and turned it with an expert flick of his wrist before pulling it out and pushing the door open.

The foyer was as prominent as the porch, but the curved ceiling opened into a higher living room with a couch and a tv. A hall broke off from the room and Keith glimpsed two doors down it, one halfway to the end of the hallway and the other at the very end.

“I’m going to drop this off in my room really quick,” Shiro said, lifting the suitcase. “Unless you’d rather sleep on the couch.”

Keith raised an eyebrow. “You really think I flew all the way here to not sleep in the same bed as you?”

Shiro snickered. “No, but I thought I’d give you the option anyway.” He hurried down the hall and pushed the last door open, swinging the bag around the corner before he hurried back to Keith.

“The kitchen’s through here,” he said, placing his hand on Keith’s lower back and steering him through a low archway into a bright kitchen. Glass doors were set into the opposite wall behind the table and gave Keith a view of the fenced in backyard that had a hammock hanging between two trees.

“Might have to check that out later,” Keith said, nodding towards the backyard.

“We can go outside after lunch. The weather’s nice today,” he said with a happy sigh, pulling a pair of plates from one of the cabinets.

Keith set the bag of food on the table and pulled out the two containers of curry they’d bought. He opened the box of rice and ripped open the foil around the naan.

“You first,” Shiro said, handing him a serving spoon.

Keith eagerly scooped a pile of rice onto his plate before ladling a large amount of curry overtop. He slapped two pieces of naan next to it and pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the table, sitting down to eat.

Shiro plated his food just as quickly and took the chair next to Keith, scooping some curry onto his naan.

Keith groaned at the first bite of food, not realizing just how hungry he was after his morning of travel. Shiro covered his mouth with his hand as he chuckled at Keith who rolled his eyes and kept eating.

Shiro hooked his foot around Keith’s ankle under the table, giving him a smile when he glanced up at him.

They ate most of the curry, fighting over the last bit of rice, but Shiro gave it up to Keith in favor of the last slice of naan, savoring the last bites they were able to fit into their overstuffed stomachs.

Keith sighed and pushed his plate away, crossing his arms on the table to rest his head over them.

Shiro chuckled and tugged at his arm. “Come on, Keith, you don’t want to fall asleep here, I know somewhere much more comfortable.”

“Noooo,” he groaned, eyes heavy with exhaustion.

“Trust me, Keith. You and your neck will thank me.”

Keith sighed and let Shiro pull him to his feet. He pouted up at him and Shiro smiled before pressing a quick kiss to his lips, making warmth curl in Keith’s chest. He leaned into Shiro’s side and wrapped his arm around his back.

Shiro guided him to the backdoors and unlocked them, pushing it open. The air and sunlight was warm as they stepped onto the deck. Keith tilted his head back to soak up the sun and took a deep breath of the faintly salty air.

“Come on, you don’t want to stop there,” Shiro said, tugging on his hand.

Keith chuckled and looked over at Shiro as he pulled him towards the steps. The wood creaked under their feet and the grass swished around their shoes, not having been burned and charred by the summer temperatures that were approaching on the horizon.

Shiro gripped the edge of the hammock and held it in place as they lowered themselves onto it. It sank and shook under their weight and Keith tightened his grip on Shiro’s hand. Shiro chuckled.

“Trust me, okay?”

Keith rolled his eyes. “Of course, I trust you.”

“Then relax and let go,” he said, falling backwards to stretch out along the width of the fabric.

Keith settled back a little more gently and let out a breath, staring at the blue sky above their heads.

“Keith?”

He turned his head to the side, breath catching in the back of his throat at how the sunlight caught Shiro’s eyes just right. Shiro smiled, eyes crinkling at the edges. Keith rolled onto his side and placed a hand on his chest before leaning in for a kiss.

Shiro tilted his head back and sighed into the kiss before he pulled back. He started to gently rock the hammock back and forth and pulled Keith against his side, closing his eyes as the birds called over their heads.

Keith smiled and rested his head on Shiro’s shoulder, letting the gentle rocking of the hammock underneath him lull him into a gentle doze.

~~

Keith wrinkled his nose when something brushed against his cheek.

It came again, tickling his cheek and he huffed, brushing the back of his hand across his face to try and drive it away.

Quiet laughter met his ears and Keith blinked his eyes open, finding Shiro next to him where they’d fallen asleep on the hammock.

“You have a good nap?” Shiro asked.

Keith grinned. “The best nap.”

Shiro ducked his head and pressed a proper kiss to Keith’s lips which he gladly accepted. He wouldn’t have minded staying in the hammock for the rest of the night, but a stronger gust of wind blew over them and made him shiver not that the sun was quickly approaching the horizon.

“Come on,” Shiro said, pulling him upright. “It’s getting late. We should have dinner. I’m thinking of grilling some burgers.”

“Sounds great,” Keith said, stifling a yawn before he stretched his arms over his head and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Shiro jumped up from the hammock, making it shake a little bit. Keith threw his arms out to try to stabilize himself, worried he was about to be flipped backwards. Shiro chuckled and held his hands out to Keith who took them, getting pulled to his feet.

Shiro wrapped an arm around Keith’s back and dipped him, smacking a kiss against his cheek. Keith laughed and threw an arm around Shiro’s shoulders, holding him in place to press a kiss to his lips.

Shiro righted him and pressed their foreheads together, breaking the kiss with a sigh. He relaxed his hold and stepped backwards, pulling Keith back towards the house.

“So,” Shiro said as they slipped into the kitchen, “I was thinking over what we could do over the next couple of days…”

“Oh?” Keith asked, bracing his arms on the counter.

Shiro nodded and pulled a package of burgers from the freezer. “We have dinner plans with Allura and Lance. They’re excited to meet you in person.”

“Now it’s my turn to get the runaround by your friends.”

Shiro chuckled and pulled out a spatula and plate before walking back towards the glass doors they’d come through. “I don’t think it’ll be anything too bad. They like you. I think they’re just going to try and get you drunk again.”

“I wouldn’t mind a few drinks,” Keith said with a shrug, shutting the doors behind them as Shiro set the plate and spatula down with a clatter to heat up the grill.

“And then I was also thinking we could go to the beach,” Shiro said. “It’s supposed to be warmer later in the week.”

Keith crossed his arms against another breeze of wind. “I still need swim trunks, you know,” Keith said.

“We can go shopping tomorrow,” Shiro said with a smile. “I mean, if you want to anyway. We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Keith shook his head. “As long as I’m with you, anything sounds good to me.”

The burgers hissed when they hit the grill and Shiro turned back to him, giving him a smile.

“Stay here for a minute.”

“Sure.”

Shiro slipped past him and disappeared into the house. Keith stared out over the backyard, feeling at home so close to Shiro, feeling like this could maybe be his home. If he was lucky enough.

For just a moment, Keith let himself indulge in the idea that this could be his home. He could wake up next to Shiro every morning. They could spend their summers laying together in the hammock. Maybe they could even get a dog since there was plenty of space in the backyard. If Shiro wanted that future with him, anyway.

He jumped when warmth enveloped him, not having heard the glass doors slide open again. Shiro chuckled low in his ear and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling the blanket around him.

“A blanket?” he asked.

Shiro pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You looked cold. Thought I could bring you something to keep you warm.”

“Thanks,” Keith mumbled, feeling his cheeks warm.

Shiro awkwardly pulled him over towards the grill with the grip on his waist, intent on keeping him pressed against his side. He lifted the spatula and checked the burgers that were starting to sizzle and brown on one side.

He flipped them with a loud hiss. Keith smiled, inhaling the smell of cooking food, and rested his head against Shiro’s shoulder, wishing he’d never have to leave the spot he was right now and could spend the rest of his life in peace with the man he loved.

If you enjoy my work, please reblog or consider buying me a ko-fi!

[ficbynic]

ALL COMING BACK TO ME - PART I

♫ Baby, it hit so hard Holding on to my chest Maybe you left your mark Reminding me to forget

Story page | Author | Talk to me | Read on Tumblr only | 

All Coming Back to Me is the sequel to Take Care. Read Take Care here.

JANUARY 2018 "I don't have more to say." He said it with conviction, as if he'd know for certain he was doing right. "You don't have more to say?" Her voice sounded weak. "No, I don't. We're done. Whatever we had, it's over." "But I gave you everything!" "Oh, really? What, then? What did you give me?" He stood up from his seat, arms rising. He was angry all of a sudden, nothing left of his calm demeanour. He was upset, after all. He wasn't as cool and collected as he pretended to be just a minute ago. "My heart!" She was now screaming in distress. "I gave you my heart! What more could you possibly wish for?" He huffed out a faint laugh. "Please." "You know I did!" He scoffed and shook his head. She was frantic. "Tell me it all meant nothing, then!" "It meant nothing!" He looked up, his eyes wide. "Tell me again. Tell me until I believe it!" "It all meant nothing!" "Scream it!" "It all meant nothing!!!" The echoes of his voice sounded cold and harsh. "You mean nothing to me!" A moving train. An airplane. A ticking clock. A toddler's cry. "You mean absolutely nothing to me, Em." "Em." "Em." "Em." "Em?" "Em?" "You hear me, Em?" "Emilie, wake up, honey. I thought you were awake." Emilie Larsen jolted up in bed, her eyes adjusting to the light in the room as she was faced with her Mum sitting on the side of the mattress. She gasped for air. Another one. Another nightmare. She had a similar one a few days ago. "I... I was." Emilie sat up and rubbed her eyes after realising her current whereabouts. Despite the rather cold temperature in the room, she felt hot. She was sweating. "I guess I fell back to sleep." "I was just calling to let you know I'll be out, alright?" Agnes told her, "I'll be back for lunch." "Alright." "Alright." Her Mum sighed, some kind of worried look on her face, hidden by a smile. "Are you that tired, honey? Just get back to sleep for a bit, then. Sometimes you just have to sleep it off." Emilie looked at the time on her phone lying on the nightstand next to her. Half nine. Half past nine, she meant. She then remembered she only got back upstairs in her bedroom after having breakfast a short while ago. It must've been only minutes that she'd dozed off. "I- I might. I don't know. I can't just sleep away the days, can I?" "Well, just make sure you take it easy, alright?" Agnes made her way to the upstairs hallway of the small but cosy house she inhabited with her youngest daughter. "I'll be back at around one o'clock, we'll have lunch then, okay?" Emilie nodded and listened to her Mum descending the stairs before making her way out of the house using the front door. She then allowed herself to crash back onto the mattress and an instant, sad frown appeared on her face, forcing Emilie to keep herself from breaking down. She had no energy for another fit of tears. The last couple of weeks had gone by in a blur. In a way, it felt like she had been back home in Holmegaard for ages. But sometimes, Emilie could hardly believe she'd actually left London behind. She had trouble comprehending the fact that that adventure was already over and done with. In a way, it felt like it all still had to start. It felt like the past three months hadn't been real. It felt like it'd been some book she read, or some show she'd seen on the telly. It wasn't as if it truly happened to her. She thought being on the plane and physically leaving England behind would take her mind off of things and give her the opportunity to try to forget about everything that happened, allowing her to leave England behind mentally, as well. And the night she returned, it kind of did. In a weird way, despite everything, it felt good to be back home in Denmark. It felt good to hear her own language again after three months. It felt good to be in her home country again. She could feel a weird sense of patriotism and pride the minute she exited the plane and walked the Danish grounds again. Tilda's advice from the previous night repeated itself in Emilie's head and she indeed felt proud of herself, walking the airport corridors, waiting for her large suitcase to appear on the baggage belt before walking through the doors to the arrival gate. She did it. She pushed herself out of her comfort zone and she did it. And now, she was back. Agnes and Jonas were there, waiting for her. Jonas ran for her as soon as Emilie entered the arrival hall, hugging her extra long and extra tight. He knew. He was the only one who knew. He was the only one who could somewhat relate to what Emilie was going through, simply because he'd been the only one Emilie allowed in on everything that happened. When she hugged Agnes, Emilie nearly felt like crying. But she was too tired to do so. So the three of them made a quick stop at Starbucks before returning to the parking garage, Jonas driving them home. Arriving at the house was definitely weird. Emilie'd never been away from home for so long, so everything felt a bit strange and foreign at first. Though Mum had made some delicious apple crumble, and the three of them had a nice evening enjoying the sugary goodness, it all became a bit too much when Emilie was finally alone in her bedroom, ready to go to bed.  The last thing Emilie expected was to cry herself to sleep the first night she got to sleep in her own bed after three months. But she did. Here she was, finally lying in her own bed again in the comfort of the house she called home, her Mum and brother present in their respective bedrooms and the prospect of seeing other people she loved again soon, but she was crying. A half unpacked suitcase was sprawled out on her bedroom floor, reminding her of everything she had to leave behind today. The fact she was at the Ainsley's just hours ago felt bizarre. Besides getting her toiletries out of the suitcase, Emilie'd already tried to unpack the rest of the things she brought, but she couldn't. It was as if everything smelled of Hampstead and couldn't be taken back to Holmegaard. Her clothes... The washed items were at the bottom of the suitcase, but right at the top were the things she hadn't had the time to wash before she left. They specifically reminded her of the past week. She didn't know if she could wear the grey jumper she wore when she last saw Harry ever again. Emilie also didn't know how she could go on pretending as if nothing ever happened. It was hard enough to last an evening not bringing up the heartache she felt when it came down to having returned to Denmark. She didn't know how she was going to get through the holidays keeping her mouth shut and pretending as if she was feeling fine. It was the next morning, the morning of Christmas Eve, when Emilie woke up with a headache and looked as if she had been out until four in the morning, now dealing with a huge hangover. Arriving downstairs, it became clear that Gitte had come over, which was a nice surprise. Jonas was already up, as well, which meant the family of four was finally reunited again after three months. Still, the vibe was somewhat off. Though trying hard, Emilie wasn't as talkative as one would expect and this seemed to confuse Agnes and Gitte a bit. It was clear that they didn't quite get why she looked as miserable as she did, either. That was until Jonas took full control of the situation because he couldn't bear watching Emilie try to keep a straight face and act like everything was fine, when he could tell it obviously wasn't. "Alright. This is not going to work. You're not going to able to keep it from everyone, Em," he started, standing up from his seat on the sofa and putting his cup of coffee on the table in front of him. Emilie remembered the wave of nausea taking over her once she realised Jonas was letting go of the promise he made, back in early November. The promise to keep his mouth shut. But she couldn't blame him for not being able to do that anymore. In her heart, she knew her family was supposed to know the aching she was currently dealing with. It wasn't fair to keep them uninformed. It wasn't fair to have to keep up appearances, acting all fine during the holidays, either. "I won't let you keep it from them any longer, it'll end up tearing you apart," Jonas continued, "Let's go over everything before Viktor gets here and he realises what kind of mess we collectively are as a family and he won't marry Gitte anymore." Ironically, Wednesday the twentieth of December had been Gitte and Viktor's five year anniversary and he'd proposed to her. They announced it to friends and family the next day. It turned out that while Emilie was in tears, making her way back from the Heath towards the Village in the pouring rain, the man her sister loved had been getting on one knee for her, gifting her a ring, asking her if she would please be his wife. It somehow made it even more difficult for Emilie to let her family in on what happened to her the past few days. She didn't want to take any attention away from the happy news by letting everyone in on her sad news. But there her little brother was, helping her out. "We've got something to tell you." He focused on his Mum and eldest sister. His behaviour was unusual and Gitte noticed immediately. "Jo? What's going on? You're scaring me," she stated, already frowning her brows. "No, it's... Well, just hear us out. It's... the reason why Emilie had the best time of her life in London and it's also the reason why she's been down since she's come back, and her eyes are red, and she looks like a genuine mess." He had Gitte's as well as Agnes' undivided attention now. "Can I tell them?" He turned to Emilie. "You're already telling them, aren't you!?" Emilie bit, her voice sounding louder than she intended. "Alright. Emilie," Jonas sighed, "Emilie dated someone. In London. Pretty much from the beginning. She met someone in October. They started dating, spending a lot of time together..." Two pairs of eyes went wide. Both Agnes and Gitte were surprised to hear Emilie'd met a guy, as they were never told about it prior. "And everything was going alright, wasn't it, Em? But now, the guy decided to be a complete dick and end things. He's backing out because Em had to go back home." Emilie looked down, fighting against her true emotions. She didn't want to turn this into some dramatic ordeal by breaking down. But to hear someone else put it like this, stung. "He's basically ended things out of nowhere a couple of nights ago. On Wednesday night, actually. He didn't even give a proper reason. Did he?" Emilie shook her head, her hand going up to her cheek to wipe a stray tear. "Oh, honey," Agnes let out, her face showing sadness as she walked up to her daughter to offer a hug, "I'm so sorry for you, that's such a shame." Gitte meanwhile displayed confusion. Emilie hoped she wouldn't feel guilty for her own happiness; that was the last thing she wanted. "We didn't know- Why didn't you tell us-" "Well, get ready for more," Jo went on, his eyebrows rising, "Because the guy... The person Emilie dated... The coward letting her go... It's Harry Styles." "What?!" Gitte let out. "No! Are you serious?" The tears in Emilie's eyes were evidence of the severity of the situation. "No way. That's- Oh, my God." "Yeah," Jonas sighed, his teeth suddenly clenching. He was angry. "Wait, what, who is it? Who is he?" Jonas awkwardly went on to explain the identity of the person in question to their Mum. He went as far as humming the hook of Sign of the Times, succeeding in Agnes raising her eyebrows as she was suddenly more than aware of the singer her children were talking about, the melody definitely ringing a bell. Even though Emilie could've hit Jonas in the head when he first brought up the subject, she turned out to be quite thankful for his honesty. She knew he was right when he said she wouldn't be able to keep it from the family. Despite everything, it was at least nice to not have to act like she was feeling great. Because she wasn't. And now everyone understood why. Emilie didn't have to put on a happy face or pretend that she was just tired from everything and getting used to being back in Denmark. She didn't have to hide her misery anymore, as everyone who mattered now knew what the misery was caused by. Christmas therefore went by alright. Emilie still felt like complete shit, but now that everything was out in the open, it gave her the opportunity to fully come to terms with it all. She spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Mum, Jonas, Gitte and Viktor, who was also informed, eating lots of food and trying to forget about what happened. By New Year's Eve, Emilie was doing a lot better. She'd been back in Denmark for a full week now, her suitcase was unpacked and put away, and with that, so were some of the memories. The end of the year was a great occasion to let go of everything that happened in 2017, and try to move on with life. Emilie finally met up with a few friends she hadn't seen since before she left for London, as they had been busy visiting family over Christmas. But New Years Eve was spent together, in a local bar, having drinks and dancing around to some cover band consisting of local lads. When the clock struck twelve, Emilie was actually happy. To hell with everything that happened the past few months. A new year was starting now. And she was genuinely curious for what it would have in store for her. ~~ A couple weeks into January, however, things didn't appear to be so easy. Emilie's mind often wandered off to Hampstead. And if it didn't wander off to Harry, it wandered off to Denny and Charlie, whom she thought and worried about a lot. On the day she left, she'd never thought she would miss the kids as much as she did now. Charlie, especially. Emilie often wondered about her; if she was happy with her new nanny by her side for most of her day, if she was learning any new words yet, if she was enjoying the nursery she was going to join in the new year...   Emilie'd been informed that Catherine and David chose the girl they had already been in contact with when Emilie was still in Hampstead as their children's new au pair. Her name was Stina and she was from Sweden. Catherine'd asked Emilie if it was alright to give Stina her phone number, in case she had any questions or needed a bit of assistance. Of course, that was no problem. On the one hand, Emilie liked still being connected to whatever was going on in the Ainsley household. She liked getting little updates from Stina and she felt glad that she was able to help Stina out during her first few weeks. But on the other hand, it meant she was still mentally involved with it all, which didn't make it any easier to move on. Some days, Emilie would wake up and the first thing she'd think about would involve the girls. She was practically still living her London life, and with that, the guy she'd come to fancy during her stay in Hampstead was also on her mind more often than not. The dreams were more than enough proof of that. Emilie could only pray that they wouldn't become regular. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded of London and everything that happened - especially during the last week of her stay - when she was supposed to get some much needed rest during the night time. ~~ FEBRUARY 2018 Weeks went by and Emilie was having as many good days as she was having bad ones. All by all, she couldn't believe she'd been back home for a month already. Days during which she was minding her own business, mostly relaxing at the house, watching Netflix, and helping her Mum with household chores, were alternated by days during which it was difficult to even get out of bed in the morning. Emilie knew she was supposed to be looking for jobs and everything, but she simply couldn't set her mind to it. The prospect of working a nine-to-five sounded anything but appealing. She didn't think she was ready. Therefore, she couldn't even bring herself to look for vacancies, let alone apply for jobs. In an attempt to still have a sort of productive day, Emilie agreed to meet up with Jonas on a Saturday afternoon. He was in Copenhagen with uni for a conference on Friday and Monday, spending the weekend in the city with fellow students, and Emilie figured the journey to Copenhagen was shorter and more pleasant than the journey from her hometown Holmegaard to Aarhus, where Jonas lived and studied. They met up at cute, little coffee shop in the afternoon. Emilie'd already wandered around the city for a few hours beforehand and would do the same after Jonas would be leaving to meet up with his friends again at the place they were staying. She'd go shopping for a bit, before probably ending up indulging on some fast food at Copenhagen Central Station, devouring it on the train, on the way home. It was nice to just get away from Holmegaard for the day. Emilie spent the vast majority of her time at home, and travelling to Copenhagen, albeit for just a few hours, felt like a nice breakaway. Plus, it was nice to see Jonas again after a few weeks. Although Emilie hadn't quite missed his characteristic sharp tongue, shown evidence of just ten minutes into their get-together. "Don't you think it would be, I don't know, beneficial for your general health if you'd stop carrying that bag around everywhere you go?" Emilie looked up into his eyes after his sharp comment. He was always so good at silencing others with just one remark. Given the fact he was studying political science, Emilie always figured he'd be a great debater, and a great politician. She knew he wasn't going to take that route later in life though. Jonas more than once stated that "politics suck". Still trying to come up with something to say in response to her little brother, Emilie looked down at the black leather handbag she brought. It still looked just as good as the first time she laid eyes on it at the store in Milan. "I'm surprised to find you take notice of the accessories I like to wear and carry around. Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Jo?" She knew it was a stupid comeback. Probably one of her worst ever. She just couldn't think of anything else to say in the heat of the moment and didn't want to let her little brother verbally murder her as per usual. Not after only one attempt. "Oh, stop," he shook his head, cutting to the chase, "We both know what I'm on about." "What?" "We both know it's not about the fact you're using a bag worth six months of rent, even though that's ridiculous. It's about the person that will always be associated with it." "Mister Gucci?" Jonas sighed. "I thought we were beyond the point of immaturely talking around the subject." "I just like the fucking bag, give me a break." "Right." "It's pretty, it's easy to use, it fits everything I want to bring and it looks good," Emilie listed, "I like having it." "You like holding onto the memories." She rolled her eyes. "You like holding onto him," Jonas went on, "And it's unhealthy." "Since when do you know what you're talking about when it comes to relationships?" Emilie bit. Another stupid comment, she knew. Any girl would be incredibly lucky to have Jonas in her life. He was the smartest, kindest, funniest, most amazing twenty-one year old boy she knew. The fact he hadn't had a serious, long lasting relationship yet was probably to do with girls not realising that and taking advantage of him instead, rather than anything else. Luckily, Jonas chose to ignore her. He brought the mug of steaming coffee to his lips, while Emilie was sipping on a chai latte. It was silent for a minute, before he continued. "You haven't been in touch with him, have you?" "Why would I?" Emilie asked in return, startled by his question. Her mind started spinning, a thousand thoughts immediately going through her head. Did something happen she was meant to know? Did something come out online she was meant to be affected by? "Jo?" He sighed. "No, never mind. I just- I..." "Jonas." "It was his birthday the other day." A weird feeling washed over her, resulting into Emilie's stomach feeling twisted. She knew. She knew it was. She wished she hadn't thought about it, but she had. The first of February. She'd somehow known his birthday before she knew him. Before she got to know him, that is. He was two weeks minus a day older than she was. "It was only trending topic worldwide," Jonas was meanwhile quick to defend. "And what did you think? You think I sent him a cutesy little text, wishing him a nice day? Are you out of your mind?" "No, Em, I just-" "He's probably already got some other girl taking care of all of that," she interrupted him, giving in to her stupid, groundless insecurities. By avoiding everything that could potentially have to do with him online, Emilie hoped she'd forever keep herself out of the loop when it came to the gossip surrounding him. It would be too painful to catch a glimpse of what he was currently up to in life. Just the other day, a weird thought crept its way into Emilie's mind and it hadn't left since. What would happen if she would just randomly stumble upon something? Unwillingly, by accident. Articles online about a new relationship, for example. It wouldn't be the first time Harry's love life would be discussed publically. What if she was just checking the news one day, scrolling through to the Entertainment section by accident and she was faced with a photograph of him with someone else. Emilie didn't think she would be able to take it. She suddenly felt the need to leave. She stood up from her chair, the legs producing a scraping sound against the tiles on the floor. "I'll be right back." She needed the toilet earlier but now was the perfect excuse to actually go and have a minute or two to herself. She needed some air. She needed to get her mind elsewhere. Ironically, she brought the fucking handbag. "What?" she let out before she walked off, seeing Jonas sighing as her hand held on to the black leather.   Their eyes met. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," she was quick to answer. "Nothing," Jonas repeated, though they both knew it wasn't 'nothing'. When Emilie returned a couple of minutes later, she wasn't even aware Jonas was occupied doing something on his phone, as well as hers, until she sat down and he tried to move the phone that wasn't his back to its original placement on the table inconspicuously. She then noticed. "Excuse you." She grabbed her device from the table and put it in her bag. "Just checking if you received the pictures I just sent you," Jonas defended. "Oh. Alright." She didn't have the energy to argue with her little brother despite the fact she was a bit annoyed by him going through her phone and invading her privacy like that. But then again, he was just making sure his messages were delivered properly. And even if he had been snooping around, he wouldn't find anything. There was none of that going on in her life anymore. In a state of despair, a couple of weeks ago, she had frantically deleted Harry's messages from her phone. They were all gone. Emilie sighed and politely summoned a waiter, asking him if she could have the triple chocolate chip muffin she saw in the showcase near the counter while entering the café earlier. She opted against it while she and Jonas ordered drinks, keeping the large amount of calories in mind. But fuck it, she was gonna have herself some chocolate. And she was gonna try to enjoy it.

| Next part > | | Story page | Author | Talk to me |

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

Open Your Eyes (Part 3)

Chapter Summary: Everyone heads home for the holidays.  Pairing: Tyler Joseph x OFC, Frank Iero x OFC Word Count: 2020 Warnings: None? A/N: I needed something fun and cute to write with low pressure so that I could stop worrying about a more serious piece I’m working on for a bit. This five-part crossover series was the result! It’s cheesy and fluffy and is probably akin to something you’d see on the Hallmark Channel, but that’s how I intended it to be. Thanks to @razor-tothe-rosary for your help and encouragement! Enjoy reading, everyone!

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Emerson normally hated flying, but today she didn’t mind the airplane ride. She was heading home to Jersey to celebrate Christmas with her family and help her mother execute the perfect wedding. Not only was she reuniting with her family for a less hectic schedule over the next few weeks, but Jeff had agreed to come for Christmas. They had resolved their differences, and he was going to meet her in Jersey after his trip to Orlando.

She stepped off the plane and headed right for baggage claim. There was no reason to dawdle when Jeff should be waiting for her. After two phone calls, though, he didn’t answer.

Emerson told herself not to panic; he was on a business call or waiting to see her, or had forgotten to take his phone from airplane mode. She walked confidently through the crowd until she got to the carousels dealing out suitcases as they were unloaded from the airplanes.

When she had her bags and had moved on to the sidewalk, she still hadn’t spotted Jeff. Sighing, she found her phone and called him again.

“Em, listen, I can’t talk long. I’m in a meeting.”

“A meeting? Jeff, you’re supposed to be in Jersey. Remember? Christmas? With your girlfriend?”

He sighed. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m going to make it. Listen, I just -- maybe this is better. We’ve been fighting and our lives are going different ways. Maybe we need some time apart.”

Emerson choked back tears and swallowed down the lump in her throat. “So you don’t think you’re going to make it, or you knew all along you weren’t going to make it? I mean -- did you even buy a plane ticket?”

Jeff sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve really got to go.”

Emerson held the phone up to her ear for another few seconds, even after the call disconnected. She didn’t know what to do. If she called her mother, Tanya would be upset and dramatic, and Emerson couldn’t handle that right now. Who else was she going to call?

Frank had told her he would be in Jersey for Christmas, too, maybe he was available. She bit her lip, trying to decide if it was too early in their acquaintance for a cry for help. Finally, after a few minutes of looking at her phone and dropping it back into her pocket, she exited out of her Uber app and dialed Frank’s number.

“Emmy,” he greeted, smile evident in his tone. “You back in Jersey?”

She swallowed hard. “Um, yeah, I am. I don’t want to bother you -- if you’re busy, I totally get it. It’s just -- I’m stuck at the airport, and I can’t get a hold of my mom. Are you available?”

“Yeah, of course. Give me about thirty minutes, okay? Be there in a flash.”

“Thank you,” Emerson said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I’m on the sidewalk outside of baggage claim.”

Frank described his car so she would know who to look for, and also promised to call when he got close.

Emerson sat down on a bench and finally let the tears fall. Her career was at a great point, but she was homesick, even being on Jersey ground. And her love life … she had known for a while that Jeff was pulling away, that things weren’t good, but she had thought it was just a rut. She never expected for him to leave at all, let alone like this.

She hadn’t heard Frank call her, she was crying so hard. Next thing she knew, an arm was around her shoulders. She looked up to see Frank sitting next to her, so she quickly swiped the tears away.

“I’m sorry, my phone was in my bag, and I --”

Frank interrupted her apology. “Don’t worry about it. Wanna tell me what’s got you so upset?”

She pursed her lips together. “Jeff’s not coming. He was supposed to meet me here at the airport, but when I called him, he told me he wasn’t coming. I think it’s over.”

Frank’s arm tightened around her shoulders. “He wasn’t really nice to you, from what I know. Not that we know each other well enough for me to be saying this, but maybe you’re better off.”

“You may be right, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“Fair enough. C’mon, we’ll hang out before you go home. Then your mom won’t freak out -- which I’m guessing is really why you didn’t call her?”

“Busted.”

Frank took her hand in his left and pulled her suitcase with his right. “Stick with me, Emmy. We’ll get you through this, together.”

Through her lingering tears, Emmy smiled. Together didn’t sound so bad coming from Frank.

Vanessa, Americus’s agent followed Americus around her room while she packed to leave for Ohio.

“I told you. I haven’t felt grounded in months. I need to go back to Columbus. Need, emphasis on need.”

The other woman groaned, leaning against an open space on the wall. “But you have two shoots before Christmas, and one before New Year’s.”

Americus sighed. “It can’t be about shoots anymore, Ness. It can’t be about shoots and parties and meetings and appearances. I don’t know who I am anymore, but it’s not this -- this person who plays the part of the elite crowd.”

“How much of this has to do with you running into that guy you know from when you were a kid?” Vanessa asked, frowning as though she might have been on to something.

“None of it,” Americus answered. She rolled her eyes. “Not all of it. I’ve been feeling this way for a while and seeing Tyler just cemented that I need to do this. Tell them I’m sick, tell them I quit -- whatever you have to do. But I’m not going to be there for those shoots, and I’m not doing anymore appearances and interviews until I figure some things out.”

She zipped her bag and shouldered it, grabbed her camera bag and her backpack, then turned to Vanessa.

“The sooner you get me to the airport, the sooner I can get home and figure out what I’m doing with my life.”

Vanessa groaned again but followed her client out to the car for the drive to the airport.

Emerson checked the time on her phone. “I should get going. I can only convince my mom of a plane delay for so long.”

Frank smirked. “You ready for that?”

“I don’t know,” Emerson sighed, setting her head against her hands. “I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with Christmas and a wedding and a break-up.”

“So don’t deal with it yet,” Frank replied, matter-of-factly. “Come hang out with me. I know a killer record store not far from here, you can crash in my guest room. Nothing shady, I promise.”

Emerson surprised herself by how appealing she found his offer. She licked her lips and thought about it before slowly nodding her head. “I mean, maybe my flight gets re-scheduled. Or something.”

“Or something,” Frank laughed, “that’s a good one. What do you say, Emmy?”

She loved that he called her that. No one had ever shortened her name to anything but ‘Em’ before. “Okay, fine. But I don’t want this getting out, okay? We have to keep a low profile. I really don’t want anyone thinking we’re hanging out to boost up my career or anything.”

Frank rolled his eyes and gathered his keys. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

Emerson grabbed for her purse and followed Frank to the car. The record store sounded exciting, right up her alley -- and who knew what else the night would bring.

“Okay. This one,” Frank said, pulling Bon Jovi’s Keep the Faith from the stacks of records. “Best record Bon Jovi ever made.”

Emerson rolled her eyes. “No way! Slippery When Wet.”

“No way,” Frank said, waving her off and sliding the record back into the pile.

“Seriously? Are you even from Jersey? Like, for real?”

Frank laughed. “You’re funny. Genuinely funny.”

“I am,” Emerson nodded. “Thank you. You’re fun to hang out with.”

Frank smiled. “Yeah. I am.”

“Well, I’m going to buy these, and then we can get you home, if you want. I’m sure you have family to hang out with or something.”

“I’ve got a free evening, actually. When you called -- I, uh, sort of canceled the plans I had with my friends. So if you needed me …”

Emerson’s cheeks hurt, she was trying so hard to keep her smile reined in. “I appreciate that.”

“Sure.”

It took some deep breaths stepping up to the register, but Emerson managed to stamp down the butterflies and her nerves, remind herself that she had just broken up with Jeff that day, and that there was plenty of time to get to know Frank -- and she also reminded herself of exactly what she had told him, that she wasn’t going to get involved in anything that might make it look like she was trying to climb the fame ladder.

Americus had been in town for a couple of days and decided it was time to get some Christmas shopping done. After two days of doing absolutely nothing but hanging out with her father, and it was time to get out in public.

Once she was seated behind the wheel, she dialed Tyler’s number. He answered on the second ring.

“Hey, kid. Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon,” he greeted.

Americus couldn’t help but smile to herself. “Yeah, well, I didn’t expect to be back in Columbus so soon. I’m going to do some Christmas shopping, and my dad said he saw you at church last weekend. So … yeah. I’m calling to see if you’d like to go Christmas shopping with me.”

Tyler chuckled. “Christmas shopping?”

“Yes,” Americus relied confidently. “What’s so funny about that?”

“I don’t know. Just picturing the new you going Christmas shopping. Figured you had someone to do that for you.”

Americus rolled her eyes. “Are you in or not?”

“I’m in.”

“Good. I’m already in the car. I’ll come pick you up.”

The mall was packed, but Tyler and Americus hardly noticed anyone else. A few fans approached the both of them for pictures and autographs, but it didn’t ruin their hometown reunion. They laughed and joked, just like it was old times, all the while crossing things off their Christmas shopping list.

“What do you want for Christmas?” Tyler asked her when they sat in the food court to take a break.

Americus shrugged. “Being home is pretty much all I wanted. Getting back on the ground, figuring out who I am.”

Tyler sipped from his soda. “C’mon. There’s gotta be something.”

“I don’t know. What about you?”

Tyler took a deep breath. “I want you to come on the next leg of the tour with us. Mark will handle the video portion, and I want you to do our photography.”

Americus’s mouth dropped open. “Ty … you haven’t even seen any of my work. Just because I said I like to take pictures, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Except that it does. I don’t have to see your work now, I saw it when we were in photography class in high school together. You were always taking pictures, of everything.”

“It’s not the same.”

He leaned forward. “You asked what I want for Christmas. I’m telling you. I’m offering you a job behind the camera.”

“How about I’ll consider it. Honestly, genuinely consider it. How’s that?”

Tyler pursed his lips together. “I’ll take it as a stocking stuffer. In the meantime, how about you and I go to Josh’s Christmas party together next week? Not like, together-together, but you can come with me.”

Americus smiled. “Okay. I’m in. Do I get to wear an ugly Christmas sweater?”

“If you want to,” Tyler laughed.

“For my Christmas present, will you wear one too?” she pleaded.

Tyler shook his head. “Only for you.”

Americus nodded and smiled. She had a lot to think about, but it was going to be a very good Christmas.  

[choicesfanatic86]

TTS:  Part 5 (Liam x MC)

DISCLAIMER:  All characters belong to Pixelberry Studios, except characters unique to my story.  Those belong to me. ;)

PAIRINGS:  Riley (MC) x OC, Riley (MC) x Liam, Liam x Riley (MC) x OC, Olivia x Drake, Bertrand x Savannah, Maxwell x OC SUMMARY:  Will Riley be able to handle the flood of emotions from returning to The Beaumont Estate? TAGS:  @herladyshipxx @theroyalweisme @blackcatkita @devineinterventions2 @hopefulmoonobject @captainkingliam @pbchoicesobsessed @queencatherynerhys @mfackenthal @cocomaxley @crayziimaginations @grapefrults @pessimystic-fangirl

If you want to be added to the tag list, please let me know, and I can update you :)

If you are new to the series and would like to catch up by reading previous parts, please check out my master fan fiction listing.  CATCH UP HERE

Thank you all for the wonderful comments and reblogs. <3 you guys are amazing! I wanted to get this chapter out for you guys, so answering comments/questions took a bit of a back seat today.  I’m so sorry, but I promise I will answer your questions soon.  :) I really hope that you enjoy the next part of Through The Storm.  Part 6 (and maybe Part 7) will likely be released on Thursday. :D Enjoy!!! <3

PART 5:  Unspoken

Riley and Andy wandered through the bustling airport trying to make their way out to the front.  Andy’s pace was quick, hurried even.  Riley’s pace, on the other hand, was much slower, hesitant of being back in Cordonia.   Riley could see the awe and excitement in Andy’s eyes.  After all, she was once in Andy’s shoes.  There was so much for her to take in – a whole new country filled with beautiful new sights, interesting people, and views that she probably had only seen before in pictures.  The old Riley would have probably been excited for her friend.  The old Riley would have relished in showing her around Cordonia, pointing out all of the country’s little secrets.  Instead, all she felt were the butterflies that were making her stomach flip.  She was so composed throughout the flight, but as soon as she had stepped off the plane, an uncomfortable sense of dread hung over her like a rain cloud.  Things had suddenly become very real.  There was no turning back now.

When they finally reached the outside of the airport, Riley began to look around.  Maxwell had said he would arrange for a limo to pick them up when they landed.  It hadn’t dawned on her that there would be a handful of other limos waiting for their fares as well.  

“How are we getting to your friend’s house?”  Andy asked.

“Maxwell said he was going to have a limo pick us up,” Riley replied.  “I just don’t know which of these are ours, “she sighed.

“Hmm,” Andy murmured, her attention shifting to the long row of cars waiting for their fares.  “That shouldn’t be too difficult to figure out in a sea of black limos,” she said sarcastically.

Riley was getting ready to pull out her phone to call Maxwell, when she heard someone shouting her name frantically.

“RILEY!  RILEY!  OVER HERE,” the voice yelled.

“Please tell me that’s not our ride,” Andy whispered.

Riley smirked at Andy.  She grinned widely when she saw that the voice belonged to Maxwell.  He had a sign with him.  Written across the large poster board were bright, colorful letters that spelt out his pet name for her – “LITTLE BLOSSOM.”     When she saw Maxwell, she grabbed Andy’s hand to pull her along, walking toward him.  Maxwell returned her smile when he realized she had seen him, and he instantly ran over to her.  He hugged her so tightly she thought he just might have made her burst.  He swung her around in a circle, so ecstatic to finally see her after all these years. He reluctantly let her go when he realized he had been crushing her shoulders.  He hadn’t changed at all.  She knew as much from their short correspondence before her arrival, but seeing him in front of her, she knew he was the exact same Maxwell she had left two years prior.  He still had his boyish good looks, and he still was as high strung as ever.  He took a step back to get a better look at her.  “Little Blossom, you are a sight for sore eyes. “  If possible, his smile grew even bigger as he looked her up and down.  “And as always, you look perfectly stunning.”

Riley blushed at the compliment.  “I find that hard to believe, Maxwell.  I’ve been on a flight for 8 hours.  I’m sure I must look like a zombie.”

“Well, a little, but you’re still stunning as a zombie.”  He reached for her embrace again, holding a bit tighter than the previous hug.

His attention shifted to Andy who was patiently watching the two long lost friends reunite.  

“Why, hello there.”  He greeted.  “You must be my Little Blossom’s friend. “  

He reached for her hand.  Andy tentatively placed her hand in his assuming that they’d follow typical social protocol and shake her hand.  Maxwell, however lifted her hand to his lips, and placed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand, catching Andy a bit off guard.

“My name is Maxwell Beaumont, and I’m charmed to make your acquaintance.  Any friend of my Little Blossom here is already a dear friend of mine.”  He smiled brightly at her, awaiting her introduction.

“Um, likewise,” Andy looked to Riley, blushing slightly from his formal introduction.  “I’m Andy,” she replied.

“Andy?  Short for anything?”  He asked.

Andy shook her head fervently.  “No, just plain ‘ole Andy.”  She smiled.  “My parents were sort of rebels and wanted to name me something unisex.”

He nodded.  “Well, Andy, shortened or not it’s a very lovely name.”  He eyed the four bags of luggage they shared between them.  “Oh my, I thought you were staying for a few weeks not a few months,” he joked.

Riley punched him lightly on the shoulder.  “Us girls have to be prepared.  You never know what you’ll need when you’re in a foreign country.”

Maxwell motioned for the limo at the farthest corner of the airport’s pick up area to pull forward.  “Let’s get these into the car so that we can head out.  I doubt the security guard there appreciates us taking up valuable pick up and drop off space.”  He jutted his head toward an angry looking security guard who was pointedly waiting for us to move.

“Right then, Maxwell.  Let’s get going.”  She and Andy started to grab their suitcases when she suddenly felt Maxwell’s hand cover hers.

“Don’t move a muscle, Little Blossom.  You’re under the care of House Beaumont now.  You won’t lift a single finger while you’re here.”

Riley chuckled.  “Oh, Maxwell.”

Andy smirked.  “So, I guess chivalry isn’t dead after all.”

Maxwell reddened slightly as he and their driver began to load their luggage into the back of the town car.    The ride to Beaumont Manor was filled with idle chit chat amongst the trio, mostly giving Maxwell some background about their lives in New York and how they met.  Riley had talked about her career, their apartment, how she and Andy met, and of course, she briefly mentioned seeing Paul.  She decided not to go into too much detail just yet as she saw Maxwell shift uncomfortably in his seat at the mention that she was seeing someone.  She knew it had to be hard for him to hear considering his loyalty would always remain with him, but she had hoped, with time, he’d be happy that she was happy.  A part from that single moment of unease, Riley was thankful that things weren’t as awkward as she had anticipated them being.  She was also thankful that Andy and Maxwell seemed to be hitting it off.  She couldn’t imagine a happier feeling than seeing her two best friends becoming friends with one another.

The conversation naturally shifted to talk of the upcoming wedding and how all of House Beaumont was wrapped up in wedding preparations.  Maxwell had explained to both women that they were welcome to attend the various events leading up to the ceremony and reception.  

“Savannah said I couldn’t break dance at the wedding.”  He sighed dramatically.  “I had choreographed a very romantic number as a gift to give them on their wedding day.  Drake had to spoil all the fun and ruin the surprise,” he rolled his eyes.

“Is he serious?”  Andy whispered, side-eying Maxwell.

Riley nodded enthusiastically.  “Oh yes, he’s as serious as a heart attack.”

“The art of break dancing is lost on so many,” he shook his head sadly.  “I guess I’ll have to work it into one of the pre-wedding  parties.”

Andy arched her eyebrows.  “Pre-wedding parties?  Like the bridal shower?”

Maxwell shook his head.  “Oh, there are so many more pre-wedding parties than just the bridal shower.”

Maxwell went on to discuss Cordonia’s wedding traditions and explained that because so many people travel so far to celebrate a new marriage, the betrothed couple turns their wedding celebration into a mini-social season with numerous events leading up to the big day.  Andy seemed intrigued and excited at the thought of it all, but for Riley it left an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.  The idea of going through something similar to a social season made her feel sick to her stomach.  As if sensing the worry consuming her, Maxwell put a hand on Riley’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to go if you’re worried about seeing Liam,” he reassured her.

She recoiled from his touch, as she stared at him, a small gasp leaving her lips.  She hadn’t heard or said his name in two long years, and here she was back in Cordonia for not even two hours and the name she had worked so hard to keep unspoken flew out of Maxwell’s mouth so casually as if hearing it didn’t just stab her in the heart.  Then again, what did she expect?  He was the King for goodness sakes, not to mention one of Maxwell’s oldest, dearest friends.  How could she have avoided it really?

“Liam?”  Andy looked between Riley and Maxwell.  “Is that – “

“Yes.” Riley snipped.  “Can we not say his name again, please?”

Maxwell stunned from the sudden change in Riley’s demeanor, pulled his hand back, placing it awkwardly on his lap.  “Of course . . . I’m sorry.”  He looked dejected.  “I wasn’t thinking.”  An uncomfortable silence grew in the back of the limo.  Riley sank back into her shell.

Andy cleared her throat, looking to Maxwell.  “Are there any other wedding guests staying at the house, Maxwell?”

Maxwell gave Andy a small smile – a silent ‘thank you’ for the change in subject.  “Just Drake.  He’s Savannah’s brother, “he explained.  “Savannah wouldn’t have it any other way.  We’re neighbors in the East Wing, he and I.  I don’t think he’s too fond of the room assignments,” Maxwell shrugged.  

Riley nodded as Maxwell explained.  Drake and Maxwell’s friendship had always been a bit tumultuous.  Drake couldn’t be bothered with Maxwell’s inane antics, and Maxwell sometimes found Drake to be too much of a killjoy.  Of course, their friendship had to change and grow stronger because they were going to be family soon.  Riley could just picture Drake’s face when he found out Savannah and Bertrand were getting married and that not only was he getting a brother-in-law in Bertrand, he was getting Maxwell as a package deal.  She’s sure he probably drank a whole bottle of whisky when he realized that he and Maxwell would be together for better or worse.  Her mood couldn’t help but be lightened as she thought about it.

Riley was stirred from her thoughts as Andy rolled down the town car’s rear window.  “Is *that* your house?”  Andy turned to Maxwell, asking eagerly.

“Yes, in all her beauty and glory.  Welcome to the Beaumont Estate, my little blossoms.”  

The limo stopped in the main driveway, and Maxwell hopped out to start unloading their luggage.  Riley looked around the beautiful estate, remembering how happy she felt here.  She thought back to the Beaumont Bash when everything had gone terribly wrong, yet, together they were able to pull off one of the greatest parties in Beaumont history.  They were a family the three of them.  She hadn’t realized until that moment how much her time at the estate hat meant to her. “You live in a freaking mansion?” Andy exclaimed, taking in the sheer architectural beauty and design.

“Well . . . yes.  It’s been in our family for generations.  Beaumont House has a prestigious reputation for being one of the finer houses in Cordonia,” Maxwell stated proudly as he was guiding them to the front door.  

“You sound exactly like Bertrand,” Riley smiled.

“Well, he has trained me rather well,” Maxwell joked, opening the front door.

As soon as he opened the door, he was greeted with loud barking and tap-dancing little paws.  Riley gasped.  “Chance?”

The corgi barked happily to see Maxwell.  He hesitantly started to sniff Riley’s before he laid down in front of her looking to be rubbed.  Riley bent down to oblige him and give him a few good rubs and scratches behind his ears.  Riley looked up at Maxwell wide-eyed.  “You kept him?”

Maxwell nodded, grinning at the corgi.  “Of course.  I knew you were devastated that you couldn’t take him with you back to the states.  Bertrand threatened to disown me for about the thousandth time when I first brought him home, but he got over it.  He always does.  He’s Bertrand.  He’s not happy unless he’s griping bout something.  Plus, how can you stay mad at this adorable little face?”

Andy joined Riley on the ground to give Chance some attention.  “Whose face are you talking about?  Your’s or the dog’s?”

“Well, clearly I was talking about my own, but I suppose Chance’s face is just as adorable,” he laughed.  “Bertrand couldn’t refuse either of our adorable faces.”

“Speaking of Bertrand, where is he?”  Riley looked around the vastly empty foyer.  “I thought he’d be here to greet us.”  Satisfied with his rubs, Chance wandered off toward the other side of the house.

“Not today I’m afraid.  I think Bertrand took Savannah, Bartie and Drake out as a sort of distraction”  He shyly looked at Riley.  “I think Bertrand arranged it that way to give you an opportunity to get settled in and not have to play a game of twenty questions with everyone once they realize you’re back.”  He paused.  “I haven’t told Drake you’re back yet.  I probably should have as soon as you said you’d be coming considering he’s staying here, too.”  Maxwell stopped himself.  “I was worried that if I told Drake, he’d tell Li-“  He paused.  “You know who.”

Riley nodded, thinking about what he had just said.  She hadn’t even thought that Drake staying here at the same time as her would pose a problem.  She was definitely worried about seeing him again, but she hadn’t even thought about the implication that he could tell him that she was here.   “I appreciate that, Maxwell.  I truly do.”  She half-smiled.

“So, I don’t know about you, but I am totally jetlagged.  You think we can drop our stuff off in our room and settle down for the night?” Andy asked.  “I’m sorry to be a party pooper but I’m still on New York time.”

“Of course.  I should have taken you both to your rooms straight away.  Riley,” he questioned, “you remember how to get to your old room right?”  

“I think so,” she smiled

“Excellent, why don’t you go on and get settled in while I give Andy a quick tour of the house.”

Riley nodded.  “Sure.  I could use a nice warm shower and some shut eye.”  She reached for Maxwell’s hand giving it a gentle squeeze.  “Sorry about earlier in the limo . . . as you can tell . . . he’s still a touchy subject for me.”

Maxwell held his hand up and shook his head.  “You don’t have to apologize for anything.  It’s going to take some time getting used to things with you two a part.  I know you don’t like talking about him, so I’m going to do my best to respect your wishes.”  He smiled at her.  “Now, off to bed with you!”

Riley walked up the grand staircase.  The path to her room was second nature to her.  Even though she has been gone for two years, it’s as if her body memorized every step she took in this house.  Once in her room in the West Wing, she dropped her luggage onto the floor.  She unzipped one of the suitcases looking for her PJs.  A warm shower was something she had been longing for since she stepped off the plane, closely followed by a good sleep in her king-sized bed.

After she had showered, she was changing into her PJs when she heard a soft knocking at her bedroom door.  “Just a second,” she yelled.  She threw her PJs on quickly, wrapping herself in a bathrobe as she headed to the door.  “I promise I’m going to bed, Maxwell.  You don’t need to coddle me,” Riley said loudly as she swung the door open.  Her smile faded quickly as she realized that it wasn’t Maxwell knocking on her door.

“Lawson.”  

Riley could feel a knot form in her throat.  She pulled her bathrobe tightly to her body.  She felt her legs start to feel wobbly, gripping the doorframe to steady herself.

“Hi, Drake,” she whispered.

[yeomangamer]

After My Father’s Funeral Chapter 1

Summary: Funerals can be stressful, but so can weddings--especially with a family as effed up as theirs. Unfortunately for Leia, she has both to attend in one go. So much for repression. Modern AU 

Pairings: Leia/Han, Mara/Luke, Jyn/Cassian, Leia&Han&Luke&Mara&Cassian&Jyn, Uncle Owen/Aunt Beru

Chapter summary: Let the past die, bury it if you have to.

Chapter pairings: Mara/Luke, Jyn/Cassian, Past!Leia/Cassian, Luke&Leia&Mara

A/N:  Based on the idea that it would be really traumatizing to be a Skywalker in the modern day.  See Ao3 and FFN versions for full authors notes.

If Leia had learned anything from her albeit limited experience traveling, it was that bureaucracy was a bitch. “Bureaucracy is a lawyer’s best friend, Miss Organa,” her boss, Akbar, had told her. “These people, they try so hard to cover every little crack and crevice, but it’s our job to find where they were wrong.” Today, in-line at the airport, Leia was fairly certain it was the whole idea that was wrong with bureaucracy. After her ticket failed to work, she had to wait in-line to speak with a representative, having already spoken with two other employees and a supervisor. It was as if the universe was preventing her from going home, which she desperately wanted to take as a sign to switch her flight to someplace with tropical beaches. She was even considering Canto Bight, when it was her turn in line.

“Thank you for flying Rebel Air. How can I help you, ma’am?” The smiling woman said.

“Yes, hello, I have a last-minute booking to Naboo, and my tick-“

“We have a policy on exchanging flights for last-minute bookings, ma’am. I’m sorry.” The response was tired, rehearsed, as if countless people had tried to weasel out of the policy of the company.

She sighed inwardly, bidding the dream of the casino goodbye. “I don’t want to exchange, I want to get on my plane, my ticket won’t check me in.”

“How odd, may I see your ticket and some ID, please.” Leia handed both over, and the woman scanned it. “Naboo, huh?”

Leia was not in the mood for smalltalk. “Yep.” The airport had to be the worst place for small talk.

“What brings you there? Big racing down there, I hear.”

“Yeah, yeah, I grew up there. I’m going for family stuff, you know. A funeral and then a wedding.” The representative nodded and smiled knowingly. How ironic, there’s no way she could’ve known.

The computer made a noise, not a good one either, and the rep made a face, and tried again. “Hmmm,” she said. “Odd, let me get my supervisor.”

Leia groaned and laid her face on the counter. She hated to leave her fate in the hands of strangers, without any agency as to getting anywhere. After a few moments, she huffed, trying not to lose her temper. She wasn’t in a hurry per se, but also wasn’t in the mood to spend any more time than she had to with airport employees.

The rep appeared with another employee. “I’m sorry about that Ms. Organa, here’s a new ticket for you, should work now,” the (presumed) supervisor told her, scanning the ticket. There was a happy sounding beep, and she took her ticket with a thanks.

She checked her bags, and sat down at her gate. The tv above the gate was on; she immediately regretted glancing at it.

“…the noted activist, and so-called ‘Champion of Free Speech’ Anakin Skywalker has died. The 65-year old had been battling lung cancer for nearly a decade before passing away at his home in Naboo on Friday. Skywalker first rose to fame as a leader of the Imperialists under the name ‘Vader.’ But Skywalker had moved away from the group in recent years—even calling it a ‘cult’ in one noted interview—to support pro-environmentalist groups. His family asks to make any donations to…”

“Quite the enigma, that man.” The voice made Leia jump, and she looked over to see a man sitting next to her looking at the TV. He saw that she had looked over and continued. “I read his book ‘Anti-anti-‘, and let me say—“ She immediately got up, took her carry-on bag, and moved to sit on the opposite side of the seating area with her back to the stranger. If the man was at all offended by her behavior, she neither knew nor cared.Skywalker certainly had a way of ruining everything, even the flight to his funeral.

The Naboo airport held one of her most treasured memories: when she had parted with her brother, Luke, for the first time since what she had dubbed the Ruling. They who had spent a majority of their formative years apart, only to be reunited at 16 through the worst of all circumstances, left each other for the first time since then in a tearful goodbye at the airport four years ago. At the time, she knew she wouldn’t miss the city, her old college, or even her (recently) ex-boyfriend, but she hated leaving her twin after trying so hard to stay together.

So today it was only fitting that it be Luke’s face to greet her at the gate. Their embrace was tight and full of longing, she hadn’t seen her brother since before they had turned 25. Leia turned and greeted the woman beside Luke with her own tender embrace and a kiss on the cheek.

“Mara, you look so well,” Leia said, gripping her soon-to-be sister-in-law’s forearms.

“Thank you, as do you as always. Thank you for coming sooner than we’d originally talked about, I’m sorry if it spoiled any of your plans.” She blew her red hair out of her face, smiling broadly.

“Well, if they were spoiled it’s how ol’ dad would’ve wanted it,” Leia released Mara and heading towards baggage claim.

“Now, Leia-“ Luke’s voice was a warning, one that she wasn’t about to heed.

“‘Now, Leia’” Leia mockingly repeated. “I promise to keep my comments to myself during the wake and the funeral, but I make no such guarantees about anywhere else.”

She couldn’t hear Luke’s sigh, but she knew it was there. They picked up her bag, and hopped into Luke’s old truck.

“When’re you going to get a new car?” Leia asked. “The windows still roll down.”

“Luke had said something about the end of days, but that is in contention,” Mara joked from the backseat.

Luke only smiled. Leia knew that he wasn’t bothered at all at Mara’s comment, or even at her’s towards Skywalker. Her brother had the most positive temperament of anyone she’d ever met; she resented him just a little for that.

“I hope you don’t mind staying with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru,” Luke said as they crossed over Amidala bridge. The bridge connected the inner city and the boroughs of Naboo, a passion project of their late mother’s. They had named it after her, a symbol of how much she had been universally loved in her local community.

“Of course not,” Leia stated, only lying a little bit. It was difficult to pin blame on anyone for the unpleasantness that had framed the last ten years of her life. Luke was definitely not a candidate, and therefore should not have to suffer her contention. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were contenders as well as her own dear parents. The only person who Leia could surely, 100%, be blamed was Anakin Skywalker. And blame him she did.

They pulled into the drive-way of the Lars’ Farm, and all three each rolled out of the hot car—Luke’s air conditioning had quit sometime in college. Her Uncle and Aunt greeted her warmly, showing her to the guest room, which had, at one time, been Luke’s room. After the Ruling, Leia had sat with Luke in this very room and imagined their lives together growing up as they might have been. The faces of those who would raise them were blurry, but so many of the memories she’d constructed had felt so real, it was bittersweet to think of her childhood without him. Now the walls were bare of Luke’s Ahch-To and X-wing posters and the room certainly smelled better.

She was debating between living out of her suitcase or unpacking when Luke came in with his hands in his pockets and a peculiar smile on his face. Leia knew that look, as she knew every look--every movement even--of her brother’s. Choice words were about to be said, and she was sure she wasn’t going to like them.

“A bit different from when we were 18,” Luke commented.

“Certainly smells better.” That got a chuckle, but it didn’t really reach his eyes.

“Leia…” She sighed, and crossed her arms. “I’ve never been able to tell you what to do-

“Nor will you ever.”

“-but could you at least keep your comments about dad, our dad, to a minimum? Or at least confine them to just between us?”

“Mara knows perfectly well what I think about your father, no sense in hiding from her.” She tried not to be exclamatory, only firm, in her distinction of “your.”

Luke was not having said distinction. “He was your father too.” His tone was matter-of-fact, not loud.

“No, he wasn’t. A father is there for you, a father teaches you how to ride a bike and playfully threatens your prom date. Anakin Skywalker was not my father.”

Luke sighed, exasperated. “What more could he have done to redeem himself to you?”

Leia rolled her eyes. “Well, there’s no use asking that question now as there isn’t anything more he could do. He’s dead.”

“I know that, but what could he have done?”

“Not be a racist? Not inspire god-knows how many to kill? Not left our mother to die? Taken care of us after she died? Oh, and when he didn’t do all those things, how about not putting the fact that we are related to him in the goddamn public record? You know how many opportunities I’ve lost because of him? All a potential connection need do is google my name and right there is ‘daughter of noted activist Anakin Skywalker.’” She stood from the bed, ready to defend her viewpoint in the impending argument.

“You think I haven’t had doors closed in my face too? You really think you’re the only one to suffer?” They weren’t yelling, Luke never yelled. But his voice was firm and contentious.

“No, but you still defend him, he ruined our lives!” Leia didn’t understand how Luke could see the events of the past and come to any other conclusion.

“What would you have done, Leia? If you were in his shoes, what would you have done?” He had always seen the world through their results: Skywalker had brought them back together as brother and sister so ergo Skywalker was good.

“How can you continue to defend him? He’s ruined your wedding!” There were tears in her eyes now, threatening to fall.

“By dying? It’s not like he could choose when-“

“I wouldn’t put it past him.”

Luke sighed, and she felt the tension drop. Their argument would not escalate further. “Mara and I already live together, and we have the rest of our lives, the wedding is just a day.”

“One of the only days in your life where you have all of your loved ones together in one room.”

Luke shrugged. “Maybe you’re right, maybe he was comforted by the idea that everyone was going to be here anyway.”

Leia bit back her comment, knowing it was no use to argue with him. She sat back down, her temper deflated. Luke kneeled on the bed beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

“You have every right to be angry, and I hope one day you decide to let it go. Either way, I’m glad you’re here.” Leia bit back the tears until Luke embraced her and she let them fall, silently crying into his arms.

“Luke, Aunt Beru wants to know-“ Mara said, poking her head into the room. “Oh, sorry. Is everything alright?”

Leia nodded and wiped her face as Luke rubbed her back. “Yeah, it's just a lot, you know, to be back here, in this room. We tried weed in here, one time, did Luke tell you?” Luke was right, there was no use dragging Mara into her trauma.

Luke didn’t seem phased that she had lied about what was going on, and groaned. “Never again, I will never understand the appeal.” The three of them laughed and Leia fingered the duvet cover. She tried to tell herself it was only the jet-lag and airport that had made her so upset.

The Wake was the next day, and flew by before Leia even noticed. Both the funeral and visitation were closed events, invitation only, with enforcers hired to keep any unwanted company out. There was a slight mix-up that involved a Senator from Scarif but was soon sorted out without much hassle. Overall, the night was full of people wishing both her brother and her well. Though the stream of mourners was steady, there couldn’t have been more than a few dozen. Mara had mentioned something about the event conflicting with the races, and Leia laughed to herself that not even her father’s funeral could compete with this town’s obsession with racing. Most of the guests were also wedding guests, and promised to be there in a little over two weeks under much lighter circumstances.

“I hope they all RSPV’d, otherwise it's going to be terribly awkward to turn them away,” Luke said to Mara and Leia during a small break between mourners.

“‘Sorry great-aunt Myla, I know you said you’d be here two weeks ago, but that was then and this was now,’” Mara mimed Luke turning away elderly potential wedding guests. The three all cracked a smile and greeted another couple, Anakin’s former editor and his wife.

They had chosen a closed casket for both events. Still, Leia couldn’t help but glance at the casket every so often with a sick desire to set her eyes on Skywalker one more time. To see if he was really dead? Would she find joy in knowing he’d finally gotten what he’d deserved: a slow death, probably most of it in pain? She snapped her head away and shook her head. Pretty soon, she’d turn out like him: evil.

The funeral was the Friday after. In front of the mirror, Leia was hoping no one would notice that she’d worn the same black dress to both the wake and the funeral. She only had maybe two black dresses to begin with—white was more her color. And, even then, she’d had to pack for nearly a month and could only take so much with her. Besides, she was grieving, right? Who expected someone to be en vogue while in mourning? To finish the outfit, she wore big, dark glasses so that—hopefully—no one saw her rolling her eyes during the ceremony.

The temple was surrounded by natural beauty, flowering trees and even a waterfall. She was sure Luke had picked out this place. Another receiving line, more mourners. After a dozen or so, she was stifling a yawn and excused herself to get some water.

It was on her way down the hall that she ran into someone she had not expected to, and, from the look on his face, he had not expected her either.

“Cassian?” She said, removing her glasses.

“Leia, its good to see you again.” They awkwardly stood in the hallway. Cassian was with a very pretty woman their age, with big blue eyes and somewhat of a European face. If the rumors from Luke were true, then this must be...

“Leia, this is my fiancé, Jyn Erso. Jyn, this is…an old friend, Leia Organa. We went to school together.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Leia said, smiling and extending her hand.

“Ditto.” So she was English. “Sorry about your loss.” She shook Leia’s hand. It shouldn’t feel weird, should it? To meet your ex’s fiancé. She tried to smile and push it out of her mind.

“Thank you both for coming, but, in truth, I had not expected you to be here.”

“It was more for your brother and Mara-“

“And you, of course,” Jyn interjected.

“Of course. You and Luke and Mara, we came to support you. How are you doing?” She couldn’t make out his tone, and therefore if he was referring to her life in general, the funeral, or the wedding. She said as much. Cassian chuckled and Jyn even cracked a smile. “All three, I guess.”

She addressed each in sequence. “Fine, ehh, and fine.”

“We should get together and catch up, the fo- five of us,” Cassian said.

“We’re having a party tomorrow night to celebrate the wedding,” Jyn said. “You’re invited, of course.”

“Well then, of course I’ll come,” Leia assured. The three of them started back towards the entrance where her brother and Mara were waiting.

“And we’ll have to meet, and catch up,” Cassian reminded.

“Yes, catching up, let’s. It was nice seeing you both, I’ll see you in there, and maybe after. Definitely tomorrow.” Leia talked as they walked. She took her place next to Luke as Mara kissed the cheek of some tall scruffy-looking guy. Leia figured he was probably one of her family as she had never seen him before, but thoughts of the man were quickly put out of her mind.

“Cassian! Jyn!” Luke said, shaking the hand of the two, Mara embraced them both.

“It’s great that you’re both here, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Mara told them and Leia nodded, already turning to the next person in line.

The funeral went by also without a hitch, though Leia had her fair share of eye-rolling and snorts—the latter of which she masked as sobs with the help of an acquired tissue. The speaker carefully skidded over Skywalker’s debatable crimes against humanity by simply referring to them as “dark times.” Leia had to pretend to blow her nose to contain the scoff from that one.

Soon enough they were wheeling the casket up the aisle and headed to the cemetery. Only close friends and family were attending, no more than ten or so people. Luke and Mara rode in Leia’s rental rather than Luke’s truck. They were right in the front behind the hearse.

“I don’t think I ever thanked you for coming early, Leia,” Luke said, and Mara rubbed his arm.

“No need, I wish I could’ve come sooner and helped out with any affairs that needed to be tended to.”

Luke shrugged. “There wasn’t much to sort, he knew it was the end and had already planned with money set aside. He was in the hospital for the last year, didn’t even have a house or many personal items. No, all he-“ Luke must’ve known that she wouldn’t’ve cared if Skywalker had wanted her at his funeral or not, and amended his statement. “All I wanted was for you to be here.”

“Then I’d do it again, one-hundred times over. Anything for my baby brother.”

Luke smiled. “I’m the oldest.”

“Are not.”

“Are to.”

“I can dig up the pictures of the birth certificates again, if you insist.”

Luke seemed to shrug. “Pictures can be doctored, unlike your attitude.”

That made Leia laugh out loud as they pulled into the cemetery, the loud bell proclaiming their purpose for visiting.

There was a small ceremony at the tomb-site, the speaker inviting anyone to come and say something. Luke gave a small speech, as did a few others, but Leia hardly noticed. She was looking over the rise to the group of men wearing all black who seemed to be staring at them. They had shaved heads. One raised a sign over his head that read: “Long-live the Emperor.” That was enough for Leia.

“Excuse me,” she said quite suddenly as she got up and to the enforcer who’d come with them, directing his attention to the intruders. He quickly spoke on a walkie-talkie, making his way in the direction Leia had pointed.

The group noticed the man heading towards them, and some started to run away. Most stayed put.

“Hold fast, brothers!” one yelled so that even the dead could hear. “They can’t stop our free speech!”

“We aren’t the government, you fucking dickhead! It's a private ceremony, and you’re intruding! Go be a waste of oxygen somewhere else, you ignorant, servile scum!” Leia shouted back.

“It’s you who are the scum! Not giving this great man a proper burial as he outlined in his 1986 manifesto!”

“Tell that to executor of his fucking estate with a will from circa 2014! Leave us to mourn in peace, and let the past die before I kill it myself!” Leia’s throat was hoarse, but she would gladly out-shout a symphony to keep skinheads away from Skywalker’s burial. Not for the sanctity of Skywalker’s grave or anything like that, instead for the sake of peace for those she loved.

“You hear that, she’s threatening me!”

By now the enforcer had caught up to them, and most of the group had fled. But the person conversing with her across the cemetery had to be restrained and escorted out. Leia sat down and with a nod, the speaker continued as if not missing a beat. No one seemed too surprised something like this would happen. All Leia could think was it figured that Skywalker could even ruin his own burial.

They lowered the casket and began burying it. As they did this, Leia made her way over to a different plot, placing the bouquet she had brought with her on the tombstone: “Here lies ORGANA Bail and Breha, loving wife, husband, parents, and friends. May the force be with us all.”

“Hi,” Leia whispered. “It’s been a minute.”

The wind whispered over the peaceful place.

“Wish you were both here, I think about you every day.”

She laid on her back, head on the flat stone as though it were a pillow, and imagined herself there, forever.

“Practicing?” A voice said and she cracked her eye open to see her brother, his tie untied, and dirt on his pants.

She nodded and closed her eyes. She heard the grass rustling as he lay next to her.

“Do you wanna be buried here?” Luke asked.

“Yeah, it’s so peaceful. You’ll be next to me, right?”

“Of course. I’ll even do you one better and split a coffin with you. Save us a lot of money.” With the private ceremony and unlisted grave, there was hardly any money left for the two of them. Leia had felt bad for Luke what with the wedding three weeks away, and had refused what small amount was left for her, insisting he take it.

Leia laughed. “Go out of this life the way we came in?”

Luke also laughed. “I didn’t even think of it that way.”

“Hey, at least we’ll be together. I never wanna not be together, in one way or another.”

Luke sighed in agreement, and took her hand. They stared at the sky together, watching the clouds.

“You two should move to Coruscant, there’s a ton of writing jobs there. And it's not too far from Ahch-To, which I know you love.”

“We’ve talked about it.”

“You should do it.”

“We’ll see.” Luke was silent for another moment. “We should be getting back.��

Leia sighed and got up. “Any more appearances until the wedding?”

Luke looked pensive for a moment as he got up. “Well there’s Cassian and Jyn’s party tomorrow, and our party that we’re throwing and-“

“Ok, ok, I guess I’ll have to always be on my best behavior.” They started walking towards the cars.

“Thanks for getting after those guys,” Luke said after a moment of walking.

“It was my pleasure, I assure you.”

“Never thought you’d defend dad’s right to have some peace.”

“I was thinking mostly about how much I didn’t want to see you try to have a calm discussion with the skin-head before he reset your clock.”

“I could’ve taken them.”

“Sure.”

They reached the cars where most everyone had left, Mara was waiting by the car.

“There you two are, I was beginning to wonder if you’d fallen into an open grave or something,” she said.

“At least then we’d leave this life the way we came in,” Luke joked.

“Gross, you know, there is such a thing as too close, you two.”

“It was Leia’s joke!” Luke said as he claimed the front seat.

They started driving back Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s, stopping to get a late lunch.

“You met Jyn, right?” Mara asked from the backseat. Leia nodded.

“Yeah, she and Cassian seem cute together.”

“He’s great. She’s my maid of honor.” Leia nodded. “She seems really nice, kinda quiet. But nice.” “Well, we’ve been through a lot, the two of us. I’d like if you two got along. I know there’s some history between you and Cassian, but-” Leia shook her head emphatically. “There won’t be a problem, I swear.” “You’ll have to meet my best man,” Luke piped up.

“Speaking of someone she might have a problem with,” Mara muttered.

Luke looked over his shoulder at her, but Leia didn’t catch it. He ignored Mara’s comment otherwise. “He’ll be at the party tomorrow.” Leia hummed in agreement. “Try not to kill him, will you? Or at least wait to kill him until after the wedding.”

“I make no such guarantees,” Leia quipped, getting a small laugh. “But I promise to at least try to leave him in one piece for the pictures.” She racked her brain and trying to remember if Luke had said something previously about this guy. Did Luke even mention him at all? He kept up with such a strange crowd since dating Mara, who knew a lot of people in the racing scene. Leia groaned internally, praying to god he wasn’t one of those stuck-up racing types. 

[karaokeadvice]

Meaningless Time

It’s a...Tuesday? I think? In the summer? I do know that it’s August, because I moved back to the States on August 1st. So I’m also completely jet lagged and I don’t have any sense of the time of day. To add to my confusion/displacement, I’m staying in my childhood bedroom at my mom’s house which has remained relatively unchanged since the mid-90s. (Case in point, my sister and I still refer to one of the bathrooms as “the new bathroom” although it was renovated in 1995.) So every day I wake up at about 5am craving enchiladas, and unsure about what decade it is, and where I am in my life. But I don’t think this is a unique problem. I assume that most of you are feeling aimless, unsure of the day of the week, and perhaps craving enchiladas at whatever hour you awaken. All of the “normal” markers of life are gone. Seems like a good moment to do a deep (medium?) dive into songs about time. 

Time (Clock of the Heart) - Culture Club 

[This is Karen’s only entry because not only is time meaningless, but I can’t remember any songs I have ever heard at all over the last 44 years.] 

I go through periods every few years where all I want to do is listen to this song on repeat and start crying a little bit when actual chiming reminiscent of a beautiful yet merciless clock gently starts up during the chorus, and if that’s not something you can relate to, I guess you probably didn’t grow up waiting to just get to the part when you’re an older yet wiser divorcee in a peignoir with a high rise apartment featuring large windows to knowingly gaze out of over a twinkling cityscape as a saxophone solo wails in the background. 

Well, some of that has come true for me, but not most of it, but luckily there’s always SOPHISTI-POP to help me cut to that feeling. According to Wikipedia, this is a term applied retrospectively to music “that emerged during the mid-1980s in the UK which incorporated elements of jazz, soul, and pop.” To me it’s songs that came on Top 40 radio after my mid-1980s bedtime of 8:00 pm so I had to listen to them on my clock radio stashed under my pillow and fantasize as detailed above and also something about impatiently taking off a large clip-on earring to answer the phone. 

This feels like a love song but it’s actually a giant dis and a meditation on the sunk-cost fallacy of long-term relationships that are dead in the water. “Time won’t give me time / And time makes lovers feel / like they got something real / but you and me we know we got nothiiiiiiiiiiin’ but time.” At first it feels romantic--we’ve got nothing but time, baby, time to spend together in this beautiful partnership. But wait a minute. Time makes lovers feel like they have something real, but in this case the lovers have...nothing but time. That’s it. Time and nothing else is what’s keeping them together. The charming chiming is actually signalling the death knell of a relationship. “Time won’t give me time.” Isn’t that the truth? Also: an excellent saxophone solo.

Time Passages - Al Stewart

I always get Al Stewart and Dave Stewart of The Eurythmics mixed up. (I know, I know.) This song is actually pretty boring: a perfect fit for this period of ongoing malaise. The experience of listening to it is the equivalent of not listening to anything. It also seems to go on forever, clocking in at 6 minutes and 40 seconds. 

There’s a seemingly endless youtube video someone made which pairs the song with just pictures of sunsets and skies. It’s exhausting and somehow irritating to watch. I think it’s supposed to be relaxing? 

There’s also a weird screaming instrument (or person) at just about the halfway point. So, it turns out I hate this song. I didn’t know until I started this entry. I learned something new about myself today. If you want everyone to die of boredom, you could sing this at karaoke. Actually, that would be a great idea for a room full of drunk kickball players. Please someone take me up on this challenge when and if we can ever safely gather again.

Breathe (2 AM) - Anna Nalick

I don’t know where Anna Nalick came from or where she went after she wisely cautioned us all to “just breathe” at 2am when we are waking up in a cold sweat and calling her for advice. Actually, at 2am I haven’t gone to sleep yet. I’m likely doing one of the following: having a debate with myself in my head about whether or not I should just give up sleeping and start a movie; deciding if it actually matters if I brush my teeth; wondering what things are plugged in that shouldn’t be; and/or mentally cataloging every boy I ever kissed. Also if someone called me at 2am I would scream. I’m calling BS on Anna Nalick actually picking up. At any rate, she is a really good friend to even consider answering the phone at that hour. Also maybe put your phone on vibrate?

Chicago - Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

This is truly the question for RIGHT NOW. It’s also a really really dumb song. It seems like a filler song, like truly stream-of-consciousness writing (no shade; I’m doing the same thing right now!). But I’m envisioning the producer of Chicago’s album saying kind of last minute, “guys, we need one more song on this record. Literally anything.” I mean, look at the lyrics:

As I was walking down the street one day / A man came up to me and asked me what the time was that was on my watch / And I said / Does anybody really know what time it is 

I mean, maybe I’m not giving the songwriter (Robert Lamm!) enough credit. I guess he’s having the same existential crisis that we all are? But I just find the whole thing so irritating. Who wants to listen to a play-by-play of his day and the people he encounters while on his ambling stroll? TL/dr: one guy wants to know what time it is, some lady feels the need to inform him that her watch has stopped, and then there’s a lot of pushing and shoving (?!) as people are going to and from work. But not our narrator! He’s just walking around, waiting to be approached, so he can NOT ANSWER the question he is asked, and instead ponder the meaning of life. It’s so annoying! And also completely confusing how this was a HIT SINGLE?!! The 70’s, man. (More about this soon.)

Time in a Bottle - Jim Croce

When I lived in England (the first time, as a kid) I had my first BEST best friend, Judith. (Hi Pudes, if you’re reading this.) Like the first person outside my family who actually totally *got* me. I guess we got each other? It was actually how I always imagined friendship to be, but it had never happened like that for me before. 

We hung out every day after school and spent most weekends together. We’d stay up late listening to music in her room and just talking, talking, talking deep into the night. It was just before either of us had discovered boys, so all the energy that would later be used for crushes and romance was channeled into this amazing friendship. 

When we moved back to the US, I was devastated. 

We wrote long, newsy letters to each other faithfully for years. We saw each other every summer. I think it was the first summer we were reunited (her family came to the US to visit) that we sunk a lot of hours listening to “Time in a Bottle” and feeling sad about our fleeting moments together. We took the unusual step of writing the lyrics out on belts (?!!) for each other, and that belt with her handwriting and Jim’s lyrics hung on my closet door for all of high school. 

But there never seems to be enough time / To do the things you want to do / Once you find them / I've looked around enough to know / That you're the one I want to go / Through time with.

The bitter irony here, of course, is I lived in England again until last Saturday, and there still wasn’t enough time to see her. Not that we were allowed to for much of the past several months, anyway. But regardless, we have families and busy lives of our own now, and that brief fleeting moment when friendship is your only responsibility has long passed. 

Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

I get a Strong Emotional Reaction from the opening chords of this song; do you? Flashback, warm nights!

This is one of three CL songs that I mix up. I always wonder, is this the one that makes me sad and I also think might be good to sing at karaoke? So I start here. Then, I realize, no, the one I’m thinking of has a longer title and something to do with night.

Oh! It must be “I Drove All Night.” So I move on to that one but it’s too upbeat.

Finally, I realize I must be thinking about “All Through the Night” and get the gut-punch nostalgia hit I was seeking from the opening keyboard twinkle. (Twinkle?!)  Hope you enjoyed this tour of my brain.

Anyway, back to this song. Time after time, Cyndi helps me sift through the suitcase of memories, dreaming about my bright future as Mrs. Corey Feldman. Like Karen’s SOPHISTI-POP entry, this is another ten-year-old under-the-covers listening experience. With no baseline for actual relationships, I pictured this as a treatise on Adult Love. A series of gauzy-hued Missed Connections, punctuated by consent issues (you say, go slow).

Upon grown-up relistening, it is a strikingly accurate portrayal of Relationships. She’ll be waiting for her lover, time after time, no matter what; but also literally waiting--what with the clock ticking and the second hand unwinding. I’ll wait for you forever but also it’s 7:35 WHERE ARE YOU.

(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life - Bill Medley / Jennifer Warren

This is not the best song on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. That honor OBVIOUSLY belongs to “Hungry Eyes” by Eric Carmen. I don’t think you need to hear any more details about my ten-year old fantasies though, so I will spare you. 

“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” made a recent reappearance in my life when it was played at a Halloween party. I had a drunken miscommunication with my friend Nelson where I stood at one end of the dance floor and ran towards him at full speed, thinking he would somehow instinctively do “the lift”. But instead I just crashed into him and almost broke his glasses and nose. So, this is really just a word of warning. 

Also, Patrick Swayze is SO MUCH OLDER then Jennifer Grey; how did we not notice/care? Just so busy stanning Baby and Johnny Castle. Better or worse than the glaring age gap between David Bowie and Jennifer Connolly in Labyrinth? EVERYTHING IS RUINED.

All My Life - K-Ci & JoJo

Luckily, the YouTube comments have written this entry for us. 

Y.N. 2 months ago

Who’s listening during quarantine?  😁

O.S. 3 weeks ago

If you are also randomly playing old music. Hit like

JO 1 month ago (edited) 0% Butt shaking  0% Drugs 0% Lambos 0% Strippers 0% Cursing 100% TALENT

J.C. 2 weeks ago (edited)

TIMELESS!!!

[lanadelkai]

Love Not Lovers (Part 1) Jungkook x O.C Angst, slice of life AU 900 words Description: What happens when you move back home and reunite with your ex boyfriend to discover he’s moved on? ~~~~~~ A/N: Hey guys! Please excuse my bad writing, it’s been a while since i’ve written anything! This story is loosely based on my life, but I switched a few things up to make it better lol hope you enjoy and thank you for reading! 💜 ~~~~~~ (Y/H/T)= your hometown

Today was the day. You drank your latte while tapping your fingers on the cup, too anxious for the next hour in the airport. Today, you were flying home for the first time since moving. You were moving back, unable to handle being on your own at such a young age. Besides, you missed your friends and family and just wanted to be able to experience college with them. Taking a gap year turned out to be a mistake, and you realized it once you moved. “Flight 293 to (Y/H/T) will start boarding in 15 minutes.” The voice over the intercom said in a monotone but professional voice. Taking a deep breath, you mentally prepared yourself to see everyone again. Last time you did, it was all tears on both sides. It had been a year since you had left. Living on your own in a new city proved to be unsuccessful. You left your best friends and not to mention your boyfriend Jungkook-who is now an ex- all for a chance to live in the city of your dreams. But as it turns out, it’s the people that make the place. “Flight 293 to (Y/H/T) will now be boarding, Flight 293 to (Y/H/T) will now be boarding. ” With the sound of the intercom interrupting your thoughts, you hastily got up and threw away your coffee before standing in line to board the plane. After finding your seat you sighed as you turn your phone to airplane mode, pulling out a book to occupy during the four hour flight. The seats in coach were not comfortable in the slightest, so trying to sleep would be a waste of time. Might as well catch up on reading the story you had meant to read, but never “found the time”. After 30 minutes and the typical airplane procedure lecture, the plane started moving and doing its laps on the airport runway before finally taking flight. You had always enjoyed flying, it’s like discovering a whole new place. You enjoyed the thought of knowing every flight was going somewhere different. It just showed how big the world truly is.

Once the plane landed you went straight to the baggage claim. Waiting for your luggage to come out of the machine, you called your parents to let them know exactly where you were. Grabbing your suitcase, you sat on one of the chairs waiting. After 10 minutes, your parents called your name and ran to you. Gasping, you wheeled your suitcase along and hugged them tightly. Your mom cried and your dad talked about how much they missed you. Leaving the airport, you texted your friends to let them know you landed safely. You also texted Jungkook. You and Jungkook were still very good friends, even after the break up. You guys had broken up because you moved, but once you found out you could come back home you mentioned getting back together. “Why don’t we get back together, we still love each other and we talk like we never broke up anyways”, you had texted. Jungkook replied, “Yeah that’s true but I don’t know, I don’t really want to be in a relationship right now, I just wanna focus on figuring my shit out first.” Your heart dropped when you read that text. “It’s okay, I understand”, you texted back. Since then you dropped the subject of love with him.

A ding of a new text had gotten you out of your trance once more. It was from Jungkook. “Hey! I’m glad you landed safe, let’s catch up tomorrow?:)” Smiling, you said “sounds great, how about 3 PM?” Jungkook replied a few minutes later, “That’s perfect. Come to my house and we’ll go get coffee.” When you got home, you went right to sleep, not bothering to unpack. You sent Jungkook a goodnight text with a heart. He sent back a smiley face and a “sleep tight.” You slept hoping this reunion would mean he would change his mind about being together again, because god knows you never gave up hoping.

The next morning you took a shower and started getting ready, too thrilled to see Jungkook after a year. You were too eager to see him so you decided to head over an hour earlier, not even texting him to let him know because you wanted it to be a surprise so bad. Upon arriving at his house, you noticed an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway. Assuming his family had just gotten a new car, you brushed it off and stepped out of your car. Fixing your dress a bit, you nervously approached the front door and rang the doorbell. A minute later, a surprised Jungkook appeared in the doorway. You smile at him and bring him in for a hug. “Hey (y/n), what are you doing here so early?” He asks nervously. “I just couldn’t wait to see you, it’s been too long.” You beamed up at him. You heard a noise behind Jungkook and saw a beautiful girl coming to the doorway. “Jungkook, when are you meeting with your friend? Oh, who is this?” She said looking at you with a small smile. Jungkook awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. He then says something that shatters your heart as soon as you heard it. “Uh (y/n), this is my girlfriend Anya.”

[stopthistrain-bp]

Dear Nick

Dear Nick,

I’m on a bus headed to New York City. Today I have rehearsal with Rachel; she’s going to be singing a full concert of my music at Rockwood Music Hall tomorrow night. Full band and all. I can’t wait. You always said that you wanted to hear her sing live. Maybe I’ll see you there tomorrow.

In order to be able to write this, I put on Joni Mitchell’s 2000 re-recording of “Both Sides Now” because it reminds me of you. Do you remember that fight we got in that one time? The one that concluded with you coming back to your apartment with a used DVD copy of Love Actually, which I’d never seen, that we watched in silence until the end when we were snuggled up on your couch, and everything was okay? I know it’s tacky to like that movie, but I like it because of you. I don’t just like it; I love Love Actually.

I don’t know where Beaux Bear is, but he’s somewhere in my new house -- I moved to New Paltz, in with my fiancee Bryan -- did I tell you that? I couldn’t have. We hadn’t spoken in a year or so.

I thought of you a month ago when I bought a car in East Haven; Bryan and I drove right past your parents’ house on Green Street in Milford. As we drove by-- the highway towering over the train station in Milford where you picked me up the first time I visited your family in Connecticut and was so scared-- I pulled up Google Maps, and there it was: Green Street. So close to the water-- and the docks. You really loved the docks, and you showed me where you’d gone to “blow off steam” in high school, just like you went to blow off steam on Friday night when you drove down to Manhattan-- right to the George Washington Bridge, the poetic martyr that you are-- where you parked your car, left your things inside, and found your peace, embraced by my favorite body of water in the world: the Hudson. Right near my old apartment on Riverside Drive, the apartment where I decided that I needed to make a change in life, turn it around, fight my demons, and become sober. My old sanctuary which now also served as yours too.

What the fuck were you thinking?

You didn’t think I’d find out, did you? I found out. Steph called me. Me, first, before anyone else. Almost immediately. A totally cool move on her part. I can only expect that your family, though they’ve lost touch with me, would’ve done the same. Your mom, sweet, sweet Jackie, always told me that I was welcome in your house and home, and I took that to heart. I found out. Of course I found out.

Your timing couldn’t have been worse either, Bello. It really, truly, couldn’t have been worse. I found out on Thursday that another old friend passed, and I’d completely missed it because it was just one of those things that went untended because I made a choice, a long time ago, to live a life on the East Coast and make my home here because that’s what I wanted. Jordan understands, I know he does. He was always understanding.

I’m not that understanding. In fact, what I can’t understand is the fact that I’m so mad at you right now. I’m so, so, so fucking mad.

And truthfully, I have no right to be. It’s not like I tried that hard to keep in touch after the last time I saw you. You and I, in our childish throws of stubbornness, weren’t even friends on Facebook, still, not even after having reunited in New York City a couple of years ago. You took me out to lunch on the Upper West Side, to apologize. It was a beautiful day. We sat outside. We walked to Central Park. We walked through the park. To this day, I still can’t tell if you swallowed your tears because you wanted to or because you had to because seeing me hurt so much, but you wanted to save face because you wanted to do it for me.

That was your style too. You always, no matter how fucked up your heart felt, did things for me because you truly, truly loved me and my brain and my heart. And I loved you and yours. And I still do.

Even after everything. South Korea. Mass Ave. / Storrow Drive. Westland Avenue and the back alley. Even after everything, we met, and you were nervous. I wish I’d known then what I know now. You didn’t think. You never did.

In fact, I don’t think you took your own life. I cannot accept it. It was something else. Something else stole you from us. The force, whomever it was, that dragged you down to NYC on Friday to make peace. That wasn’t you. That was the side of you who, in all of your power and care, refused to let people see. And when, every once in awhile, someone had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting that other thing that lived inside you, with all of your might you tried desperately to run away. I used to think that you yourself were running away from the problem, that you couldn’t face certain situations we found ourselves in when we fought or when you were upset, but now I know: you were trying, fervently, to avoid introducing that other thing to the rest of us. You would go for days without speaking to me, and I would drive myself mad. But now I know: you did that because you thought introducing me to that thing inside you would hurt me.

Because even you were scared of it.

I am completely, thoroughly, totally 100% dumbfounded by all of this. I cannot stop shaking my head and saying “What?” to the sky. I just need to say that as it comes. I cannot believe this. I’ve heard people say those kinds of things when shit goes down, “I can’t believe it, I’m numb, this can’t be happening,” but until you really experience certain situations, you can’t comprehend how people can’t digest certain stuff. I get it now.

Do you remember the time you jumped off the bridge off Mass Ave. onto Storrow Drive? I remember the drizzle. I remember night time. I shouldn’t have chased you. I should’ve let you go, but I am a talker. I need to talk things out. I need to say what’s on my mind, or I go nuts. But you couldn’t. You needed to be away from people, me included, because that other thing was creeping up inside you and was possessing you, and you had no control over it but to run. Truth be told, I don’t remember what any of our fights were about specifically. Even themes are hazy now: but I’m sensitive, so I can imagine your sometimes curt way of speaking got to me in certain moments. You didn’t mean to; it just wasn’t for me. Which is probably why we finally called it quits in the end, but how are you supposed to stop loving someone who you just love so much you could fly? I’d never felt that before, not for anyone. Not until I met you.

I think I fell in love with you when we broke more rules and bought beer in Beacon Hill that one day and took the beer to the Longfellow Bridge and climbed up over that part of the bridge where they were doing construction and sat out on the ledge, our legs dangling over the Charles River, and we talked about this and that and laughed, and I knew I loved you then.

Because-- and surely I’ve told you this-- at the end of the day, you got it. As much as I could drive you mad, which I did (and vice versa), you loved me. Wholeheartedly. You respected me and my talents and my vision and my goals and my soul. It ignited something in you, even if it didn’t last or couldn’t last. I saw it. I saw you, in your repression, light up when you’d talk about writing and performing. It came as no surprise to me that you toured with that slam poetry group, around the country, sharing your work, the year after we graduated. Boy oh boy: was I proud of you. You were really doing what you wanted. You were flying, soaring through the air, using your succinct words and beautiful heart to carry you to distant lands, to see things you never dreamt you’d see and doing things you never dreamt you’d do. I kept tabs. I always kept tabs on you, Bello, even when I couldn’t stalk you up-close. That’s what my love for you did. I never cared that people told me that I should just keep you out of my life after all that had happened did; that’s not how it worked for me.

That wasn’t my style. I even wrote a song about it.

Bello I forgot to ask you How is California shaping up these days? I heard you moved there in September After our last December Drifted far away

But just so you know I packed you up Inside my suitcase heart

When I go to your funeral, I will go with the full, suitcase heart I’ve always had for you because I saw you, and you know that I saw you. It was the first time anyone really had. You told me that yourself.

In all your pain, under all your demons, through all the gray madness and anger and sadness that washed over you, day after day, month after month, despite any mistakes you made or people you hurt or things you said that you didn’t mean, I saw you.

And to be honest, this might be the first time that I see you even closer than I ever thought possible. You were my confidant, and I was yours, and nothing could ever change that. Not time, not distance, not even silence, that solemn, effervescent black hole of sound that sometimes rippled through and between you and me.

Because under all of it lay your heart and brain and everything else in-between, which you decided-- you chose-- to show me when you did. Because you knew, and I knew, that it was safe with me.

It will always, always, always be safe with me, Dear Bello. Handsome, beautiful, sweet, wonderful man. All those things you gave to me to keep safe: they’re safe. I packed them up. And that will never change.

Do you see it? I see it now, as my bus plows through New Jersey. I can see the tops of the George Washington Bridge, spires climbing high to the stars, stairs up to where you needed to go. I don’t see anybody falling into the murky waters below. All I see is a shadow, winking at me, skyrocketing up to the stars. All I see is you.

And your Beaux loves you.

Something’s lost and something’s gained In living every day

Yours, Blake