#also i love using big machines who can do the work of 15 people in like 20 seconds

[liberty-spiked]

today had a nice vibe at work. that one cool woman who sometimes works with us was there today and she told me she admires me for my work ethics like hell yeah now

imagine if i'd actually love my work!!

also for some reason the apprentices are looking to meet women on youporn?? no thats not a hot stacy42069 you're talking to, my sweet little naive boy. run. fast.

[thischarmingmandalorian]

Learn To Share

Teacher!Joel Miller x Teacher!Reader

Summary: Your new coworker is a thorn in your side, until he isn't. This is my entry into @auteurdelabre Trope Off 2024! The tropes I chose were: Only One Bed, Stuck In An Elevator, Office Romance (kinda?), and Love At First Sight IF YOU SQUINT.

Pairing: Gym Teacher!Joel Miller x History Teacher!Reader

Warnings: No-no words, unprotected piv(but not to completion!), facial, cum eating, big on the pet names (doll, baby), reader is a grump, Sarah is mentioned because she is alive and I won't have it any other way. In true Vee fashion, I've read this so much that if I proofread it again I'll get too embarrassed to publish it, so sorry for any mistakes, they're my fault.

Word Count: 6.2k

Your week starts much like any other - arriving at work early on Monday morning to hog the copy machine closest to your classroom.

You were a creature of habit. Each Monday you'd set your alarm a half hour early and skimp on your morning routine in order to get to work at an ungodly hour. You were always one of the first people on your school's campus, and that's how you liked it. You had a system, a schedule: check mailbox, make copies, make and drink your first cup of coffee. This routine was what set you up for success for your week, and you wouldn't let anything get in the way of your rituals.

Until this Monday. This Monday, the new gym teacher gets in the way.

It's 6:15 when you saunter into the teacher's lounge, reams of paper tucked under your arm. Your headphones blare the newest episode of your favorite podcast; if you hadn't been listening, you'd have heard the copy machine's telltale whirring from down the hall, but mercifully, the story keeps you oblivious.

Until you turn the corner into the teacher's lounge and walk right into the broadest man you'd ever met. You shriek, tugging one ear bud out and craning your neck to stare up at the face of whoever is encroaching on your morning.

Fuck, he's handsome.

But fuck, he's using your copy machine.

The mystery man smiles down at you warmly, extending a warm hand for you to shake. "Mornin' miss. Joel Miller, teachin' gym and coachin' the wrestlin' team!" You shake his hand (it is Texas, and you were raised right) and give him your name. You're sympathetic to Joel's plight, you really are - showing up to a new school right after Christmas is hard, you knew that as well as anyone. But he was also throwing off your Monday ritual. It was all you could think about. So instead of a normal, polite response, the next words that left your mouth were less than welcoming:

"I use that copy machine on Monday mornings."

Joel's polite smile falters and he drops your hand. The energy of the entire room changes. "My apologies, miss. Didn't realize there was a schedule."

"Oh, no, there isn't a schedule. It's just… what I do. Part of my Monday routine, y'know. So, how many more copies do you have before I can cut in? This is really throwing off my morning."

"'Bout a hundred? You know, you're the first colleague I've met besides the principal who hired me?"

You're not sure why he's mentioning this, or why he didn't use the copy machine closer to his classroom. "Oh, ok? Hey, in case nobody's told you, there's a copier much closer to your office, it's right…"

"Listen, miss," Joel cuts in, gently grabbing the hand you were using to point down the hall and placing it, palm down, in between his two giant hands, "it's my first day at a new job. My daughter spent the holiday with her mother and I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. I'm nervous, I'm sad, and I showed up here early for some quiet time to get ready for the week, same as you. And honestly - and I'm sorry if I'm bein' too forward here - but honestly, you're being an asshole."

You rip your hand away from his grip, scowling. "Fuck you, dude." You turn on your heel, sarcastically telling your new colleague to "have a nice semester" as you stalk out of the copy room.

You go home that afternoon determined not to let Joel Miller ruin the rest of your school year. Pouring yourself a glass of wine, you melt into your couch in front of the TV, determined to reset your week in the morning.

Tuesday gets worse before it gets better.

Tuesday you tweak an old back injury getting out of bed and it takes ages just to get dressed. You gingerly slide your backpack over your shoulders and in the car, you resign yourself to the fact that you're going to have to use the elevator to get to your classroom.

Your school's elevator is rickety, unreliable, and you're claustrophobic; you avoid it at all costs. But there's no way your lower back will allow you to get up the stairs this morning.

Unfortunately when you cross the courtyard to the elevator door, Joel Miller has beat you there, already having pressed the button. When he sees you, he smiles on instinct (because it is Texas, and he was raised right), though you see it falter when he realizes it's you he's about to be stuck in the elevator with.

"Havin' a better mornin' today, miss? Or did someone ruin this one for you, too?"

You roll your eyes and scoff. "Not in the mood today, Miller. Hurt my back, and honestly, after yesterday, you're not really the person I want to share an elevator with."

It's Joel's turn to scoff. "Don't worry, doll, the feelin's mutual."

You cringe at the pet name, and mercifully the elevator door groans open, inviting you in. Joel puts his arm out to hold it open, ushering you in ahead of him. You retreat to the far corner, making yourself as small as possible, foolishly wishing you could manifest yourself out of this awkward situation.

The door closes and you push the button for the 3rd floor.

Nothing happens.

You push again. And again. And ten more times in rapid succession.

Still nothing.

Except the lights in the elevator turn off, leaving you and your new arch enemy stuck together.

This is worse than yesterday morning.

Joel, much more level headed than you, pulls out his phone to call someone for help. You hear the principals voice, tinny through the speakerphone. "Hey, Miller. What's up?"

"Mornin' sir. Look, myself and one of your History teachers are stuck in the elevator. We were trying to get to class and the whole thing shit the bed. We're in here, no lights, buttons ain't workin'. How deep is the shit we're in, boss?"

The principal asks which history teacher Joel's stuck with, and you let him know it's you through gritted teeth. "I'm, uh, not doing too well in here, sir," you admit, trying not to hyperventilate.

The principal sighs on the other end of the call, which is not a good sign, "sorry to hear that, but we've gotta call someone from downtown to come fix it, and that could take… an hour at least?"

You tense up, tears threatening to fall from your eyes. "Well, that sucks, sir," you admit, voice shaking. The principal chuckles, agreeing. He promises to call downtown right when he hangs up, and tells you and Joel to hang tight in the meantime. He also lets you know that he'll send subs to both of your classes, which does little to alleviate your anxiety - your morning classes are feral.

Joel thanks the principal and hangs up, groaning as he wipes a hand across his face. "Might as well get comfortable, doll. Sounds like we'll be stuck here a while."

You gingerly peel your backpack off and maneuver your way onto the floor, sitting with your back against the wall. You wince as you try to stretch your tweaked muscles and breathe deeply, trying not to panic.

"You gonna be ok, miss?" Joel asks, a tone of genuine concern in his voice as he follows your lead, lowering himself into the corner opposite you.

"Just… don't talk to me, please. My back hurts, I'm claustrophobic, this is the second morning in a row that hasn't gone my way…" Joel rolls his eyes, but shushes you gently.

"It'll be fine, doll. Just breathe. Want me to distract you?"

"Stop calling me 'doll,' Miller. And absolutely not; don't get any ideas."

Joel barked out a laugh. "Come on, doll, we're stuck in an elevator on a high school campus. What ideas do you think I'd have? What's your problem, anyway? You've been nothing but shitty to me since we met."

"Look, if you haven't noticed, I'm really Type A. I have certain things I need to do in order for my days and weeks to go smoothly, and you threw off my groove yesterday. I use that copy machine every Monday morning, everyone knows that."

"And how exactly was I supposed to know that? It was my first day! Did you ever stop to think that you threw off my groove yesterday? My first day at a new school and the first person I see treats me like shit - that was fucked up, doll."

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. You hated that he was right. " Look, Joel, I'm sorry. Really. I didn't mean to ruin your day. I should've been nicer to you. Can we start over?"

"Of course. Good morning, miss, name's Joel Miller. This is my second day of school. I teach phys ed, coach wrestling, and I'm a single dad to a freshman named Sarah who goes to school in the next town over," Joel rattles off. You can see his hand reach out for you to shake in the dark. You take it, shaking firmly with a smile. The first smile Joel's seen cross your face.

You tell Joel your name like it was the first time. "I teach United States history, sponsor the creative writing club, and I have two cats at home who will actually eat my toes if I'm stuck in here past dismissal and they don't get their dinner on time."

Joel guffaws as he releases your hand and your smile widens. It feels good to start over. "Well it's good to meet you, doll. And forgive me if this is too forward, but you said you hurt your back?"

You nod. "I tweaked an old injury this morning and it hurts like a bitch."

"So, I know how this is gonna sound, and I'm not tryin' to be weird, but my degree is in sports medicine. While we're stuck, d'ya wanna see if I can fix it?" Joel lifts his hands, palms facing you, in an attempt at innocence. "No weird shit, I promise. But I know back pain can be a real bitch."

You feel your face flush, happy for the darkness and hoping that Joel won't notice. "What… how would you…" your mouth goes dry and the elevator suddenly feels warmer.

Joel extends his hand out to you again, inviting you to make your way to his corner of the floor, situating you between his outstretched legs. His incredibly long outstretched legs, covered in a pair of gray sweatpants. You'd always silently judged gym teachers for their ability to dress comfortably while you were expected to look a little more put together, but you weren't mad at Joel today. You crossed your own legs and put your palms flat on your knees, hopefully sitting far enough away from Joel that he doesn't feel the heat radiating off you - this is the closest you'd been to a good looking man since… a long time ago.

"So, I'm gonna have to put my hands on you, doll, but I can do it over your shirt, no funny shit. Just tell me where it hurts."

"So it's like, lower? On the right side?" You struggle to explain, flustered at the close proximity. You move a hand from your knee to gesture in the general direction of your back pain, accidentally brushing Joel's knee with your fingers. You push your fingers into where your back aches, rubbing a slow circle before Joel swats your hand away.

"I gotchu, doll. Now, I'm gonna start tryin' to get this knot out of your muscle. If it hurts, let me know. If you want me to stop, say so." You nod and feel the prod of Joel's fingers at your back. The pain is awful and you hiss, trying to take a deep breath but finding it difficult. "'Salright, miss. 'M gonna fix it, just bear with me. In the mean time, what are your cat's names?"

You answer, Joel laughing at how ridiculous the names are. You ask if he has any pets and he says no. "Sarah's more than enough for me to handle. She just turned 15 and is… a handful. I love her, but my god. Teenage girls are somethin' else. Do you have any siblings?"

You tell Joel about your sister who lives in the Midwest, and you hear all about his brother Tommy and the antics Joel always has to help get him out of.

You and Joel spend the next hour and a half learning all there is to know about each other. He continues to knead at the knotted muscle in your back as you chat, learning all about each other's lives, childhoods, failed relationships. You learn that Joel isn't much older than you, but had his daughter young. You tell him about your ex-boyfriend and why his number is now blocked from your phone. All the while the principal is in constant contact with you both, keeping you updated on when the repairman will be on campus (as soon as they can), how your classes are going (poorly), and profusely apologizing for the two of you bring stuck. It's actually not so bad, though, which is not something you'd have anticipated when the morning started.

It's so not bad that when the elevator door opens and you're free, you're actually a bit disappointed. You both stand, thanking the repairman and gathering your backpack. You notice that your back doesn't hurt anymore. You turn to Joel and thank him for his help, and for his company. "Look, I know I said that you weren't someone I wanted to share an elevator with this morning, but all things considered, this wasn't the worst way to spend the morning. I'm glad we were able to start over."

Joel smiles as you both step out into the sunlight of the courtyard. "Feelin's mutual, doll. Hey, give me your phone?" You raise an eyebrow but hand it over anyway after tapping out your passcode. You watch as Joel puts his number into your contacts. "Don't go blockin' this number, now," he quips as he hands you the phone back. You can't help but roll your eyes, but you smile and promise him you won't, giving a short wave as you turned in the direction of your classroom.

During lunch you decide to text Joel while waiting for your leftovers to microwave.

11:05: Hey! It's your new BFF - not sure I thanked you for un-fucking my back. I really appreciate it. Didn't think I'd be able to sleep tonight with that pain. You really saved me :)

11:08: Hey, doll! No big deal - glad I could help you out. Hope you'll be able to get your beauty sleep tonight. Not that you need it.

11:08: Oh shit. Was that too much? Was that weird?

11:08: I made it weird, right?

You snort out a laugh that reverberates through your empty classroom, and decide to make Joel squirm a little. You wait far too long to respond.

11:15: Stop overthinking and eat your lunch, weirdo :p

The next few days go better than the beginning of your week. You're not usually one to make friends at work, but you start to eat lunch with Joel; you'd deny it if asked, but hearing him knock on your door makes your day better. You can't believe that just a few days ago, you thought Joel had ruined your day. He's the nicest coworker you've ever had, and he goes out of his way to prove that. He's also the hottest coworker you've ever had, but you're not ready to go there.

Joel gets a perfect opportunity to be that perfect colleague on Friday. He finds you standing at your car in the parking lot after school, crying and angrily hanging up your phone.

"Doll? What's wrong?"

You watch Joel's face fall as you swipe tears from your cheeks. "It's not a big deal Joel. There was something going on this weekend that I was really excited for, and I was about to head there now to beat the traffic and my car won't start," you sniffle, kicking your tire gently.

Joel places a hand on your shoulder and pulls you close to him. He wraps an arm around your middle and uses his other hand to nestle your face into the crook of his shoulder. "Where ya headed, baby? I'll take ya wherever you need to go," he promises in a whisper close to your ear. You know how this looks, two colleagues hugging in the parking lot of their job, and you know it'll start people talking. But you're not sure if you care.

"It's silly. But an author I really like is giving a talk about his new book at this store in the city tomorrow, so I was headed there to see him. I booked a hotel for the night and everything," you explain, another pitiful sob catching in your throat.

"Hey, it's OK, doll. We'll getcha there. Let me make a phone call real quick, but meantime, grab what you need from your car and get in my truck." You begin to protest but Joel peels you away from him, holding you by the shoulders at arms length. "Let me handle this for you," he says, voice even, no room for argument. You nod and sniffle once more, turning to grab your overnight bag from the back seat.

As you get comfortable in Joel's truck, you watch him on the phone. He has his free hand on his hip and one knee juts out to the side as he explains your dilemma to whoever is on the other end. After a few minutes he hangs up and joins you in the truck. "Alright, doll. My brother knows a guy with a tow truck, and a mechanic. Coincidentally, they both owe Tommy a favor. I got him to cash those favors in for you. Let's get you to the city, and by the time you're back, your car should be good as new."

Fresh tears threaten to fall. "Joel, that's too much, at least -" Joel puts a hand up in front of your face, silencing you.

"Nothing is too much for you, alright? Nothing. If you wanna thank Tommy later, he accepts payment in beer. But I don't want to hear anything right now except the address of the hotel I'm bringin' ya to."

That shuts you up quick, and you reach for Joel's phone to type the address into his gps.

Luckily the hotel isn't too far away, because being in Joel's truck, coupled with the kindness he's just shown you have stirred something in you that you haven't felt in a long time. The conversation flows effortlessly, and whatever sadness and disappointment you had felt before Joel had stepped in to save your weekend were long forgotten.

"Alright, doll, this is your stop. Grab your things and get outta here. Text me when your talk is over tomorrow and I can come getcha. Sarah's still with her mom so I'm free all weekend," Joel explains. If he were being honest with himself, he didn't want to see you go. If he were being honest with himself, he's been in love with you since that Monday - as rude as you were to him, he couldn't help his feelings for you. But he resigned himself to the fact that you didn't feel the same as he pulled into a parking spot and pushed the gear shift all the way up.

"Joel?" Your voice is quieter than you wanted it to be, a little more whiny than you meant it, and you see a vein in Joel's neck start to bulge as he turns to you. "I know how this is gonna sound, and I don't mean to be… forward? But if you're just going to come get me tomorrow, why not just stay here for the night? With… with me?"

Joel starts to sputter an excuse, but you interrupt: "I booked a room with two queen beds! I like to have one to keep my bags and stuff on, but honestly, let me save you the gas," you put your hands up, palms facing him like he had done in the elevator, "no weird shit. I promise."

Joel sighs, hands gripping and kneading at the steering wheel. He seems… conflicted? But after a few seconds he pulls the keys out of the ignition. "Fuck it, yeah, that's not a bad idea, doll. Thank you."

"It's really not a big deal, Joel. We can head in, get dinner, and go to sleep facing different directions in our own beds. Totally normal."

"Alright, alright, but I'm payin' for dinner," Joel relents as you both walk through the hotel doors towards the check in desk. You give the woman behind the desk your information, sliding over your credit card and license, but she will not tear her eyes away from Joel, and it's making you… jealous? Which is a weird emotion to feel about someone staring lustily at your friend. You push the feeling down and try to focus on what the woman is telling you about check out, amenities, and then she tells you that you've been upgraded to a nicer room, free of charge. She winks at you knowingly, but you're confused. You're only here for a night, why would you need an upgrade? And why is this lady winking at you?

You find out the answer to these questions when you open the door. You and Joel stand in the doorway of the hotel room, neither of you sure what to say. Not only does it look like your view has been upgraded - your floor-to-ceiling window and balcony overlook the city skyline and adjacent water - but in place of your two queen beds stands… just one king sized bed.

Joel senses you tense up and gives your shoulder a reassuring squeeze, "'salright, doll. I'll head out and come back and get you tomorrow like I'd planned."

"No! I mean… that's silly, Joel. Don't go all the way home just to come all the way back. You can go, but let me get an Uber home," you put your palm against Joel's chest reassuringly.

"No way, that's way too far a ride.

'S gonna be so expensive. Tell ya what, doll: I'll stay, I'll buy you dinner, and I'll call the front desk askin' for more pillows. We'll make a wall between us to sleep. No weird shit."

You nod, agreeing, "no weird shit."

"Great," Joel sighs, that vein popping out of his neck again. "Put your stuff down and let's find some food."

When you and Joel return from dinner, there are five extra pillows sitting on the king bed. You chuckle at the sheer volume of them.

"Think they sent up enough for us to make an impenetrable weird shit forcefield?" you joke. This whole day has turned ridiculous, you might as well have a good sense of humor about it. Though, if you were honest with yourself, you wouldn't mind a little weird shit; it was hard to admit, especially since you'd been so mean to Joel when you first met, but you were maybe starting to fall for him. But his whole commitment to "no weird shit" let you know those feelings were one-sided.

"I think we'll be fine, doll," Joel chuckles as he walks to the bed, pulls the covers down, and lines the pillows up the middle of the bed. He fluffs each one before he pulls the covers back up, "see?"

You step around the bed to lay on your side, head propped against the headboard and remote in your hand, "this'll definitely work. Now, for everyone's favorite hotel pastime: trashy reality tv!"

Joel groans, but smiles gently as he lays on his own side of the bed. You watch as he gets comfortable, crossing his legs at the ankle and lacing his hands behind his head. "Tell me about this book you're hearin' about tomorrow, doll," Joel asks, pulling you away from whatever mindless show you've put on for background noise.

"Ooh! I'm so excited, let me tell you everything!"

As you drone on excitedly about your favorite author and his new book, you can't help but notice the way Joel looks at you. He's a really good active listener, but there's more to it; he's actually interested in what you're saying. He reacts to your words, asks questions, and his eyes seem to light up watching how excited you get.

"I'm glad you're so excited for tomorrow, doll. But it's late; maybe we should get some shut-eye," Joel suggests when he senses you've hyped yourself up to the point of exhaustion. His face softens and his stomach flips when you yawn, rubbing your eyes tiredly and covering yourself with the blankets. He can't help but swoon internally as he watches you huddle into your pillow, fidgeting until you're fully comfortable. Joel turns over to shut the bedside lamp off, freezing when he hears you call out to him softly.

"Joel?"

He turns his head in your direction, muttering a short "hmm?"

"Before you find out the hard way, I have a hard time falling asleep. I get real fidgety. I never know what to do with my hands."

Joel turns the light off and turns his body toward you, peering comically over the weird shit barrier. "What do you need from me, doll?"

"Can I… does holding hands fall under weird shit?" You punctuate your question with an outstretched palm resting over the pillow wall.

Joel makes himself comfortable before reaching for your hand in between two of the pillows, lacing his fingers with your own. His thumb rubs soothing circles into your palm, "how's this? Helpful?"

You nod, closing your eyes and sighing deeply, thanking Joel with a reassuring squeeze of his hand.

You're not sure when you fall asleep, but for once, it doesn't take forever. You wake in the middle of the night, though, startled by the TV you'd left on switching from reality trash to a loud infomercial. You look around frantically for the remote, clicking the power button forcefully. Your heart still racing from waking up so fast, you make your way to the bathroom for a drink of water.

When you walk back to the bed, you can't help but stand on Joel's side and stare down at his sleeping form. His face is angelic, so calm, and his body is curled in on itself, hands pulled under his chin. At some point while you slept he had taken his shirt off, and you made a note to memorize the smattering of freckles on his shoulder. His pants, those fucking gray sweats, hang dangerously low on his hips. You resist the urge to touch him, to run your thumb across his plush lower lip, and try your best to tear yourself away.

You almost succeed.

"Like whatcha see, doll?" Joel's groggy voice breaks the silence, a sleepy smile spreading across his face.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Joel. Would you believe it if I told you I was sleepwalking?"

Joel's eyes finally open as he chuckles, "I wouldn't believe that, no. But you didn't answer my question."

You roll your eyes, "if I didn't like what I see, would I be standing here gawking at you?"

Joel holds his hand out to you, and when you take it he pulls you closer to the bed, "whatcha gawkin' at, baby?" His gentle smile had turned teasing, almost feral, and his brown eyes grow somehow darker. "These?" Joel brings your hand to his lips, kissing the pad of your thumb gently. "This?" His hand drags yours down the column of his impossibly thick neck, fingertips brushing over his bobbing Adam's apple. He's stretched out to his full height now, laying on his back, watching your eyes intently as he continues to pull your hand lower and lower. "Gawkin' at these, doll?" Your fingers are trailing down Joel's abs, dipping into the valleys between each muscle.

You're mesmerized. You can't break the spell of Joel's gaze on you, of his gravelly voice, of his touch. "Joel…"

"'S ok, baby. Want you to look. Been waiting for you to see me," Joel drags your hand to the waistband of his sweats, stopping to gauge your reaction.

Your fingers twitch, wanting so badly to dip below that waistband, but confused by Joel's words. "I do see you, Joel."

"Not like I see you. You see me as a colleague, a friend. Someone you eat lunch with. You don't see how I feel about you. If you did, this wouldn't be a surprise to you."

"Joel, do you think I'd have asked you to stay if I didn't feel the same way? Think I'd be standing here if I didn't? Do you think I'd…" you trail off, letting your actions speak. You take the lead, slipping your hand, still entwined with Joel's, past the waistband of his sweats to palm at him through his boxers. Joel groans quietly, bucking up into your hands. You feel him grow harder beneath you as you let him guide your hand around him through the thin fabric of his boxers. He unlaces your fingers and places his hand on top of yours, curling it gently against his length. His hips buck again and your hands twist together on the upstroke, your thumb catching right beneath the head of Joel's cock. He hisses, removing his hand from his pants and grabbing both your hips, maneuvering you on top of him, grinding you down against him. Your hands grip his shoulders as you lean down to kiss him, frenzied, messy. You move to trace your tongue across the freckles that had so mesmerized you a minute ago as Joel brings a hand from your hip up to the back of your neck.

"Shit, doll. Need to see you," Joel breathes into your ear as he toys with the neckline of your shirt before he pulls it off over your head; the world seems to stop spinning as he watches your tits spring free. Joel dips his head to take one of your nipples into his mouth, palming at the other, pinching gently. You moan softly, and the sound goes straight to Joel's cock, growing impossibly harder.

"Joel," you whisper, his response coming as a quick bite to the nipple in his mouth. "More, need more… need you."

Joel unlatches from your tits and grabs at your shoulders, rolling you both over and right into the wall of pillows. As you both maneuver yourselves around them, you giggle "these didn't really work, did they?"

Joel chuckles before he grabs two of the pillows, giving you one to place under your head. He wraps one arm under your waist, pulling your entire bottom half off the bed as he places the other pillow under your lower back. "Guess not, doll, but we'll put 'em to good use. Tell me whatcha need."

You shimmy out of your bottoms, tossing them somewhere to find later. You hear Joel's breath hitch as he drags his eyes down your whole body. He places his hands gently on your bent knees, giving a slight push and encouraging you to open yourself to his gaze. You don't resist, your legs falling open. You take one of Joel's hands, dragging it from your knee and up your inner thigh. You feel his fingers flex as they slide up your thigh, feel them try and stall when you drag them through your glistening arousal. "Need you here, Joel," you whimper, pushing his fingers against your clit and encouraging him to circle it agonizing slowly.

Joel is entranced. His eyes can't look away from your dripping core, mouth going dry as he sees how you flutter at even his most gentle touch. He uses his free hand to swat yours away, and he continues his slow strumming against your clit. "Lemme hear you, baby," he grunts, "who makes you feel good?"

"You, Joel. Fuck, feels so good," you writhe on the mattress, hips rolling, aching for more of Joel. "Inside, please, need you inside," you whine, grabbing for the waistband of Joel's sweats to pull them down, his heavy cock springing free. You can't help but stare, needing to touch him without the confines of any fabric. You try to fit your hand around him, but can't get your fingers all the way around; you give an experimental stroke, reveling in the way Joel's fingers slow to a stop on your clit, in the way he finally pulls his eyes away from your cunt to gaze at your hand struggling to fit around him. He watches as you swirl your thumb across his leaking tip, muttering a soft, "goddamn." He watches as you line him up with your entrance and he notches the tip in, holding a hand firm on your lower stomach to hold you still.

"Gotta see you come first, doll. Gotta hear you," Joel whispers, dropping his head so his ear rests close to your mouth. His fingers resume their firm circles on your clit, resisting the urge to thrust his length into you. He listens to you moan softly, revels in the steady stream of warm breath that fans against his face. He whimpers, actually fucking whimpers, when you deliver a gentle nibble to his earlobe.

The whimper is what does it. That fucking whimper sends you over the edge. Your vision whites out, your upper body lifts off the mattress, and you sob into Joel's ear, "I, fuck, Joel, I'm…"

"I know, baby, I know you are," Joel coos as he rocks his hips harshly into yours, sheathing his full length inside you in one quick thrust. You grab a discarded pillow, putting it over your face to muffle the loud moan that escapes you. "That's it, baby, shit, you're takin' me so well."

The praise makes your eyes roll to the back of your head.

Joel sets an unforgiving pace, heavy balls slamming into your ass, his hands under your thighs, pressing your knees up to your chest.

You're so full of Joel, so fucked out already, you start to babble. "So - so sorry I was mean to you, Joel. Don't deserve - shit, so fucking good - don't deserve this."

"Know how you can make it up to me, doll?" Joel asks through gritted teeth. You stare up at him, searching his face for an answer. "Gimme another one, baby. Come all over my cock again and I'll forgive ya. You can do it, come on," Joel continues his encouraging monologue as he pounds impossibly harder and faster into you. He pushes two of his fingers into your mouth and you diligently suck. Joel removes his fingers with a wet pop and pushes them right back onto your clit. He doesn't move them until you beg. "Where ya gonna want me, baby?"

You blush. "My face, Joel."

That fucking whimper again.

You see stars. The pillow is back against your face as you shriek in ecstasy, going rigid before going completely limp against the pillows under you. Before your orgasm had a chance to subside, you feel empty, pussy fluttering around nothing as Joel shimmies up your body, cock in hand. He grabs the pillow from over your mouth and throws it away from you.

"Open up, baby, gonna come on that pretty face."

You moan, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out, keeping your eyes on Joel until you feel the first warm splash hit your tongue. Your eyes flutter closed as you feel Joel poke your cheek with the head of his cock, stroking as it spurts wave after wave of hot spend against your skin. His voice is gruff, whispering "oh my God, doll," and "so fucking pretty covered in my cum."

After what feels like an eternity, Joel moves from on top of you. You feel him drag two fingers through the mess on your cheek, then place the fingers onto your tongue, groaning quietly as you lick and suck his fingers clean. He chases the taste of himself, leaning down to kiss you, his tongue invading your mouth, battling yours for dominance. When he pulls away, you whimper; Joel chuckles. "You're a mess, baby. I'll be right back."

You hear the sink running in the bathroom, then feel Joel swipe the remaining mess off your face with a damp washcloth. When he's finished, you open your eyes, committing his post-fuck face to memory. He's flushed, tired, but wears a goofy, lopsided smile. His eyes are back to their everyday deep brown, big and warm, but crinkled at the edges from his grin.

You're too tired to look for your clothes, pulling the blankets over you, reaching for Joel as you feel him lay down beside you. He lays on his back, pulling you against his side.

"I meant what I said, Joel. I am sorry for how I acted when we first met."

"Doll," Joel chuckles, "'m gonna need you to keep being that mean to me, if this is how you apologize."

[taytaay131313]

DEBUNKING THE “KARLIE BETRAYED TAYLOR BELIEF”

Disclaimer: this post is taken from Reddit and it was put together and posted by this user : OddDragonfruit6179 I just made it into Tumblr post.

This is for people who might be new to Gaylor side of the fandom and to those questioning the “betrayal” surrounding Taylor Swift and her masters and Karlie Kloss. This is also an answer to anonymus messages about the line in the song It’s time to go believed to be about Karlie Kloss / When the words of a sister come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed not a twin from your dreams she's a crook who was caught.

PSA - Personally, I exist as a Gaylor because I love interpreting Taylor's Queer themes that don't specifically revolve around certain muses & the beautiful way they can exist on their own. I am also not 'Late-Stage'-Anything, haha. But, saying that, it's amost impossible to ignore the elephant (or Giraffe) in the room when it comes to Karlie & Taylor's storytelling since Reputation. It seems there are some very firmly-held beliefs about 'what happened' (including Gaylors), and a lot of them revolve around the idea that Karlie 'betrayed' Taylor during the Master's Heist era of June/July 2019, 'feeding information to & siding with Scooter Braun' - which are often used to debunk Gaylor interpretations as a blanket shut-down. Given the latest drama with Selena & how she recently spoke up about slandering Taylor on TikTok, it reminded me of how we have a lot of evidence from both Taylor & Taylor's inner circle that this was probably not actually the case, and how quickly rumours & interpretations get adopted as 'fact' without any proof - something I think Taylor's also tried to get across with her music, too. I wanted to do a little deep-dive into this side of things to remind us all that we simply cannot believe everything we hear - there's always a lot more to celebrity stories than the loosly-held general beliefs :)

What was the big 'betrayal' in 2019?

If you're new here, welcome! The supposed 'betrayal' revolves around Taylor's Master's Heist in summer 2019, when Scooter Braun (millionaire celebrity manager) bought Taylor's entire back catalogue of music, leaving her without ownership of all her previous music. Taylor was at a turning point in her career, having just ended the 13 year contract that she'd been tied into since she was 15, and was just about to release her first fully-owned album 'Lover' She wanted to buy all her past music, allowing her to have full freedom & ownership going forward - yet it was allegedly sold to Scooter from underneath her, meaning he would be the one profiting from all of her life's work from Debut to Reputation & leaving her without any ownership rights of all her past work. (This is now why she's re-recording her 'Taylor's Versions' of her past albums.) How does Karlie tie into this? Karlie had been a huge part of Taylor's life since 2013. As Gaylors, most of us believe they were much more than friends & Karlie was the main muse for Reputation (2017) & multiple songs on Lover (2019). Karlie had signed with Scooter Braun in 2015. In 2016, Scooter was involved in the Kimye 'Taylor Swift is over controversy', being included in a photo Justin Bieber posted online to taunt Taylor (which Justin later said Scooter had nothing to do with). As she was Scooter's client, Karlie was immedietly caught up between Scooter Vs Taylor rumours, leading her to tweet this:

In early 2017, as the Kimye drama grew, Taylor stopped sharing her private life on social media. From 2017-2018 she releases Rep, goes on tour, ends her contract with Big Machine & begins working towards releasing Lover. All the while, rumours are consistently following both Taylor & Karlie about 'whether or not they're still friends' because they'd not been seen together. A lot of people believe they were still in each other's lives (there are multiple masterposts going into the possible romantic side of things), but the narrative is all over the place: In March 2018, Karlie tells the NY Times: 'don't believe everything you read' & that she and Taylor as still 'very close'. In July 2018, Karlie announces that she's engaged to Josh Kushner and Taylor doesn't publicly comment. In August 2018, Karlie attends the Rep Tour & is brought to the front pit when Taylor sings 'Dress'. In October 2018, Karlie has her first 'wedding' with Josh (up for personal interpretation if this is Lavender or not) - Taylor doesn't publicly comment. The same month, Karlie's YouTube shows her apartment is still full of photos of Taylor & her family/friends (not Josh):

In the first half of 2019 Taylor is finishing writing Lover, which include themes indicative that she is extremely up/down, full of anxiety & has push a 'lover' away: "I'm terrified if you ever walk away" (Cornelia Street), "We were crazy to think this could work, but we might just get away with it" (False God), don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" (Cruel Summer), " jump from the train, I ride off alone" (The Archer), " blew things out of proportion, why'd I have to break what I love so much? I need to say hey, it's all in my head, I'm the one who burned us down, sorry that I hurt you, I don't do this to you, I don't wanna loose this with you" (Afterglow), "Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts, I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up, chandalier's still flickering here" (DBTC)

What actually happened in Summer 2019?

Taylor begins promoting the release of Lover. In April 2019 she unveils a butterfly wing mural which looks extremely similar to Karlie's butterfly wings from the VS Show where they met & then continues to be ridiculously gay-on-main. She releases You Need To Calm Down, where she's the Sherriff of the Gay trailor park with Bi hair, and ME! on Lesbian Visibility Day... there's endless flagging in clothing/theming. She was getting very 'loud'. Many people believe she may have been leading up to 'coming out' officially, either with the album and/or the Miss Americana documentary that was in the process of being filmed. On 23rd/24th June, Karlie has her second 'wedding' (a big party). Taylor doesn't attend. Scooter does (he's close friends with Josh).

Within a week after he's at this party with Josh & Karlie, Scooter then flies to Nashville and completes the sale of Taylor's masters. The sale is partially funded by the Carlyle Group, who is in business with Kushner Companies (Josh's family's business).

On 30th June (the following weekend), Taylor announces that the Master's Heist has happened & how distraught she is. Lots of celebrities speak up against Scooter & many of his clients (Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber etc) speak up in defence of him. Karlie remains silent & doesn't make a statement either way.

On 3rd July, Perez Hilton starts stirring shit by saying that 'Taylor is no longer close to Karlie because she found out Karlie was telling things about her & her career to Scooter! It began circulating that 2 of Taylor's close friends, Ashley Avignone & Claire Winter had liked the tweet, 'confirming' that this was the case to those that follow gossip sites. Karlie is then photographed at events/lunches/trips with Scooter multiple times throughout the rest of 2019 - further ‘cementing' this idea for fans.

The final blow for this theory came when Taylor released Folkmore (2020): in the song 'Time to Go' she sings "When the words of a sister come back in whispers, that prove she was not in fact what she seemed, not a twin from your dream she's a crook who was caught", which many fans immedietly assumed was about Karlie.

Where are the cracks in all this?

Taylor's other friends: Obviously, social media is only a partial glimpse of a story, but it is very suggestive of behind the scenes information. The reaction to the current Selena controversy was what reminded me of her friendship with Taylor, after she stuck up for Taylor on a video of Hailey Bieber. Selena's been very close to Taylor since they were teenagers. In October 2019, shortly after the Master's Heist, she did an interview where she was in tears talking about how important her friendship with Taylor was, and how much she loved her & her family:

...so she would've been very much on Taylor's 'side' if Taylor has had an awful betrayal from Karlie, right? Yet in November 2019, just 5 months after the Masters Heist , she's very publicly supporting Karlie, too:

..and they have both consistently continued to support eachother ever since, right up to Selena's latest birthday:

In terms of social media, many of Taylor's current close friends & people she's worked closely with continue to follow Karlie (despite following a very limited number of people). This includes Taylor's oldest childhood friend, Abigail (who only follows 285 people - Karlie still follows her back), Haim The Band, as well as Danielle & Alana Haim on thier individual accounts, and Sadie Sink:

Karlie also continues to follow Taylor herself and Taylor's brother, Austin:

We also have two more of Taylor's very close circle, Ryan Reynolds & Gigi Hadid, liking posts about Karlie's 30th birthday in 2022:

What about Perez Hilton's claims? Baring in mind this is the ONLY 'evidence' that exists to support this story, I tried to find the original tweets about 'Karlie telling things about Taylor to Scooter', and low & behold: they're ALL gone. That includes Perez's & the 'Taylor Swift Updates' tweet that was supposedly liked by Taylor's friends. Gone, deleted, non-existent. Why would they have been deleted if they were true & Taylor wanted that story out there? Who made sure they were, from all accounts involved, and only those? Interesting.

What I did find, however, was some tweets and likes from the same friend, Ashley Avignone, discussing how none of Scooter's clients have been able to speak out against him or leave him because of their contracts (this would include Karlie):

What about Karlie 'siding' with Scooter & continuing to work/hang out with him? There were definitely pictures of Karlie continuing to spend time with Scooter after the Masters Heist. However, she was under contract. She never defended him or tried to reason about what he'd done. In fact, she left Scooter as soon as she possibly could. She hasn't been seen with Scooter since 2019 & she signed a new contract with a different manager in 2021. It's also relevant to note that Taylor's other close friend, Ed Sheeran, was also managed by Scooter at the time & didn't speak up publicly either. Taylor reportedly attended Ed's wedding in September 2019, yet Ed continued to stay with Scooter & publicly party with him well into 2021 (so, clearly, if there is an issue with Karlie it wasn't just because she continued to work with Scooter in 2019).

Last but not least, the music:

Throughout her albums since the Masters Heist, Taylor has consistently written about heartbreak & betrayal in different ways. Although 'It's time to go' has been grabbed by many fans as 'proof' that Karlie betrayed her, but most stories just aren't that simple. Taylor is a storyteller. One song doesn't equate to every emotion/situation that Taylor was feeling. As many of us do, I believe there's a clear arc of Taylor painting a picture throughout multiple songs, of how she thought she had been 'betrayed' & the pain of that, but later realising she was just blaming the person she had loved in order to get through it all. Others have done amazing, full analysis of these songs, but in terms of 'betrayal' specifically: In Hoax we see the raw pain of feeling hurt by the one she loved alongside what happened with the Masters Heist (this song is full of Karlie references & Taylor very clearly says she was writing about both love & the Masters Heist in the LPSS): "My eclipsed sun, this has frozen my ground / You know I left a part of me back in NY / You know it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart, but what you did was just as dark, darling this is just as hard."

In Closure, we see that she's harbouring a lot of anger & isn't ready to move forward or past her pride: "Yes I got your letter, it wasn't right the way it all went down, looks like you know that now / I know that it's over, I don't need your closure / I'm fine with my spite / Guilty, guilty, reaching out across the sea that you put between you & me"

In Coney Island, we begin to see her taking accountability for her own role in the relationship breaking down in the first place (which ties in with Afterglow): "Sorry for not making you my centerfold / It gets colder & colder as the sun goes down / What's a lifetime of acheivement if I pushed you to the edge / Did I leave you hanging every single day / Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?"

In Happiness, we see this accountability clashing with the hurt she still feels about the way it all ended, but ultimately acknowledging she can't make Karlie the villain (suggesting she never actually was one) & wants to forgive her whatever role she did play (when she's ready). Hope she'll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you, no sorry, I don't mean that, I can't see facts through all of my fury / I can't make it go away by making you the villain, guess that's the price I pay for 7 years in heaven / All you want from me is the green light of forgiveness, You haven't met the new me yet, but I think she'll give you that"

Later, in The Great War, we see a continuation of reflecting back on the same themes - telling the story of feeling hurt & betrayed, shutting the other person out, but realising the other person was also being equally hurt by it all / was never the person she should've been blaming: "Cursed you as I sleep-talked, tore your banners down, took the battle underground / I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone" (processing her pain through putting an end to the loudness of Lover & writing Folkmore). "Somewhere in the haze got a sense I'd been betrayed/ telling me to punish you for things you never did, so I justified it" (Taylor's acknowledging once again that the other person hadn't actually done what she thought they had) "You drew up some good faith treaties / Tears on the letter / My hand was the one you reached for" (could be a callback to the letter' in closure & suggests the person was trying to make peace). "Your finger on my hairpin triggers, soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honour & truth, broken & blue, so I called off the troops" (icy ground could be a callback to 'you have frozen my ground' back Hoax).

So where does that leave us?

Who the hell knows? No one does, but I love reading all the theories when the rest of the music is tied into it all! But in regard to there being a 'betrayal', given how there was never any concrete evidence that Karlie did anything wrong in the first place (& how the only tweets alluding to it have mysteriously dissapeared), the continual association with Karlie from some of the closest people in Taylor's life, Karlie leaving Scooter at the first chance she got & the arc of the 'thought i was betrayed but I was really just heartbroken & being dramatic' story from Taylor, I am now a firm believer that there wasn't a 'big betrayal' from Karlie in regard to the Master's Heist.

The rest of it is all up for guesswork. Taylor definitely felt betrayed by something at first. We know there were already break-up songs on Lover written before the Master's Hiest which suggest Taylor was the one to push her lover away, yet they were still dappled with hope that she'd get them back. Potentially, Karlie had already been pushed away & had sought security in her long-term partnership with Josh/decided to marry him. After the engagement & 1st wedding, this is when we see Taylor's very 'loud' Lover Era - could this have been an attempt to 'prove herself' to Karlie & make a statement about what she was willing to do? However, Karlie was already comitted to Josh & had gone through with the 1st wedding. Within a 1 week period of June 2019, Karlie doubled down on going through with her 2nd wedding to Josh & her manager bought Taylor's Masters, making it extremely risky for Taylor to continue to make a career-changing choice of 'coming out' (if that's what she'd been intending to do). Could it have been orchestrated by Scooter (& Josh?) in order to keep Taylor closeted? Could Josh have been involved financially in order to put a stop to the rumours about Karlie after they'd already comitted to marriage & keep his business deals/ family connections safe from speculation? Could Karlie simply have been trapped in the middle of all of it & torn between her loyalty to both Taylor & Josh, causing an already heartbroken Taylor to 'kick the cat' and initially put the blame on Karlie for the way it all happened? (If you factor in the possibility that both Karlie & Josh might be closeted & had eventually comitted to a consentual Lavender Marriage, it makes the risk of Taylor exposing them even bigger. Josh was tied up in Billionaire conservative circles & relied heavily on his business partnerships in the Middle East & Asia, as well as pressure from the Trump side of the family. We have no idea what kind of pressure he & Karlie may have been under behind the scenes).

Who the hell knows - but if Karlie had directly, intentionally been involved in such a big betrayal to Taylor, I HIGHLY doubt her best friends/family would be having anything to do with her.

Folkmore shows a clear theme of working through different, conflicting emotions, & then in Midnights we're back to seeing the Karlie-coded songs being portrayed as a big, authentic love (not one that was hate-filled or hurtful)...so at the very least, I'm definitley on the team of believing they have worked through whatever they needed to & have drawn a line under it all :) + a little update since the Eras tour started we have seen some of Karlies friends attend the show such as Derek Blasberg (her long time best friend), Cara Delevingne…Gigi Hadid revealed she will attend the Eras tour and go to as many shows as she can and she was just recently seen with Karlie in Mumbai. I hope this post made some things more clear for everyone not knowing this side of the story.

[sinnohelitefourlore]

Sinnoh League Found Family Hcs that will be featured in my ongoing league story that you can read here: -yes cynthia is the champion but bertha is responsible for sinnoh turning very matriarchal. usually it's bertha who is the ultimate decider on these things and cynthia trusts her judgment the most. she gets what she wants. -bertha is literally the designated League Mom. literally she's the one every single league member goes to whenever they have personal problems. yes, even the stoic lucian. she is the best listener and will probably end up making you cocoa. -lucian and flint will show up in bertha's office just for the purpose of avoiding their own paperwork and to bother her. she also has to yell at them to stop licking the frosting when she's baking cupcakes. they do this to annoy her. -bertha is someone who's always willing to learn. she's happy to hear volkner talk about his inventions and his obsession with technology. he teaches her how to use the latest gadgets and she's always so enthralled by them. it actually makes volkner's eyes light up. -cynthia is the designated big sister. she was totally there for candice, gardenia, and maylene whenever "girl problems" came up. -the younger kids of the sinnoh league (aaron, gardenia, maylene, roark, and candice) were undergrounders, apart of sinnoh's grand underground program where kiddies turn into battling machines, which is why they were able to achieve their positions so young. the older generation seems to understand they're young, and therefore are super understanding. still. bertha has done more parenting in fifteen minutes than their families have done in fifteen years. -candice has a nickname. they call her "candy corn" because her full name is candice cornwall, and also because she's sweet as candy. -fantina is called "tina" by byron and wake, after drinking those two under the table at a bar for the first time. fantina always drinks those two under the table. she's kalosian. she handles her liquor better. -maylene was actually discovered by flint and gave her an explorer's kit to send her to the grand underground program after seeing her defiance toward a police officer. it was his idea to make her the new gym leader of veilstone. he was the first person she told about her dad. candice was the second. -roark refers to riley as some boy toy with a stupid fucking fedora. he hates riley because roark's father wanted him to be the gym leader of orebourgh instead of roark, and that pushed roark to become the undisputed leader of the grand underground to show his father. -aaron starts off as a selective mute who was hired to be a gym leader after roark insisted and no one wanted the eterna city position at the time. the sinnoh league didn't care about his muteness, because he did his work, did what he was told, and minded his business. when aaron wins the elite position, he learns to talk more with the support of his elites and cynthia. bertha especially, was very helpful. later he infodumps to them about bugs for 10-15 min. they let him. -gardenia has a garden that's the envy of the entire city. sometimes bertha will come over to help her out with it. people say that she's the most like cynthia, and by that I mean she has the "uncanny valley" look in her eyes, that something is a bit... off about her. really she's fine. that's just her face. -the sinnoh league has sunday brunch hosted by bertha. you don't miss a sunday brunch hosted by bertha unless you're on a ventilator. -when bertha cooks, byron, wake, lucian, volkner, flint, roark, and aaron (pretty much grown men) will fight over who gets to lick the spoon. -they're probably more of a family than any other league. they're a very tight knit group, and that's probably because of bertha. she was cheekily called "mother bertha" for her doting, stern manner, but she genuinely does love them like her own. family didn't have to be blood.

[delucadarling]

Current rambling thoughts on dieting/weight loss, nothing that's a downer:

Back in April I got blood test results that showed my cholesterol was high and my sugar was barely shy of being diabetic. It spooked the shit out of me, as despite being fat most of my life, I was also pretty healthy and somewhat active. It was after getting covid that I was so fatigued I dropped the active thing pretty much entirely.

The doctor was more focus on the sugar, and recommended cutting back simple sugars, adding in more fiber, and increasing my weekly activity.

I'd been wanting to get back into shape for a long, long time but I've been nervous about trying the gym again. My dad was one of those shithead people that secretly films people in the gym doing things 'wrong' or committing the sin of being fat in public. It had me terrified of trying to get fit where other people could see me, because you know, most people don't want to be mocked.

Lucky me, I have the most amazing, supportive girlfriend ever. She took me by the hand and very gently showed me around the gym, helped me learn how to use the machines, and didn't mind when I shadowed her around as she did her workout. From there, I got excited! I used to LOVE working out, I just mostly did simple stuff, running, and swimming. I did a lot of WiiFit when I was younger, and this one Jillian Michael's DVD I found at Walmart for like $5 at the time. Running was the big one though (hello Zombies, Run folks).

So just making those changes (less soda, more fiber, more exercise) over the course of maybe 3ish months I dropped almost 15 lbs. I hadn't been tracking my weight, but I did compare the results the doctor took from my previous three appointments. I was kind of shocked! I've never had a healthy relationship with weight loss, and every time I've tried to lose weight it lead to a lot of heartache, misery, and doubled weight gain. So I more or less wrote off my ability to trim down and decided to just be fat and happy.

I will say though, the extra bulk has recently frustrated me. I can't do yoga the way I used to. My limbs are still flexible but I keep getting blocked by my own fat. I have to go real easy on my joints because of all the extra weight, which is frustrating, because I'd honestly love to try jogging again. I just don't want to fuck my back and knees up again.

I decided to give losing weight another try, with a lot more self-love, after a lot more research, and with the support of someone who has loved me even at my fattest and never said a word about it.

It hasn't been too hard this time. I don't feel like I'm depriving myself. I am impatient, I want to see results NOW, but obviously that's not how things work. And slow is better anyway.

I know tumblr has a generally negative view on weight loss, and I fully include myself in that. I bought into the 'starvation mode means you'll never ACTUALLY lose weight permanently) thing, I was convinced anyone trying to lose weight had the same disordered ideas on it that I used to have (and still struggle with sometimes). It's a loaded topic for a hundred reasons, so I am trying to be conscious of when I talk about it and around who. Hence the tags and putting it under a cut. I'm happy and excited to be trying this out, putting my health first, trying to feel strong and capable in my body, but I absolutely know first hand how upsetting hearing about dieting can be. Not to mention how hard it is to avoid the more toxic side of trying to change your diet and fitness.

I've found a lot of resources that are very facts based, cut and dry, and leave out the moralizing behind weight loss and weight gain and just weight in general. There are a lot of very encouraging resources as well.

So yeah! As said, this is just a ramble, I like to write to get my thoughts down, and it always comes easier when it feels like I'm talking to someone, not just myself. I probably won't post a lot about this, but it's been just over a week since I started tracking my food and daily weight specifically, which always used to be something that would send me into a bad habit spiral. This time feels different. I've been doing fine. There have been a few moments of disappointment, but they've been easy to shake off. Mostly I'm just astounded to learn more about the macros involved in the food I eat, and I'm also happy to have tools to help me find portions that make me feel full and not stuffed. On the days I've been not kept to my deficit goals, it was because I was hungry and decided it was more worth it to feed myself than stick to a number and I didn't feel a bit of guilt about it afterward.

I'm pretty pleased with how it's going so far. I feel stronger, I feel more energetic, and tracking my food intake and weight makes the part of my brain that loves a spreadsheet very happy.

[judasisgayriot]

it’s your friendly neighborhood heroes anon! you seem to maybe kinda like the petrellis, so i’ll give you a fun ask about them.

what do you think peter and nathan were like with each other growing up? i’ve seen a bunch of different headcannons from people. in some they’re only like 8 years apart and in others it’s 14. some people think nathan was seen as more of a ‘cool cousin that gets you booze’ type by peter and they never really saw each other much, but when they did it was a fun time. but then in other fics nathan and peter are basically conjoined at the hip even after nathan graduates.

it’s all a big mess, and i don’t know who to believe lol. your thoughts? don’t be afraid to ramble on and on (and on)

Hi!!! I love to talk about the Petrellis haha so here goessss 💖💖

Ooh so first of all, I don’t rly know anything abt the supplemental stuff like the comics lol but not many ppl do anyway lmao

And secondly, in regards to their age gap we can roughly work it out from a few things: s1-s4 take place over roughly ~2 years (for instance Claire is 15-16 in s1 and 18/going to college in s4). Peter was born in December 1979 and is 26 in s1 (stated in canon), Nathan is similarly stated to be 40 in s4 (so ~38 in s1). So I’ve always interpreted them as being 12 years apart. Which yes, is a pretty sizeable age gap and means they wouldn’t have hung out in the same way that siblings of closer ages/in similar life stages would have. Peter and/or Nathan would be away at fancy boarding school, Nathan was in the military for parts of Peter’s childhood.

Their childhood is not super filled in by canon so a lot of this is my personal headcanon/interpretation (be warned for subjectivity/filling in the gaps) but I think their clinging to each other/closeness did start very young regardless of the age gap. Their father was terrifying and emotionally abusive as fuck, controlling to Nathan and at best dismissive and neglectful to Peter, Angela at least loves them in her own way but isn’t much better as a parent and is actively manipulative/gaslighting them all the time lmao and they live in an insane household that forced them together due to this (no wonder they’re Like That).

I think Nathan’s always been protective of Peter and wanted to be there for him/stand in front of him to shield him (though I think he’s later a little resentful about it, similarly Peter sometimes sees Nathan as too much of a puppet to their parents and doesn’t get why he didn’t stand up for himself more/gets frustrated with him, but Nathan was literally moulded from birth to be their obedient little attack dog who’d do whatever they wanted him to. Nathan in s3 saying his evil mind-controlling dad chose his career and even the person he married was picked out for him. There’s a reason that he seems so spineless.) but Nathan’s exception has always been Peter - the one thing he’ll defy his parents for. In s1 he goes along with what he’s meant to do until it comes time for him to pick The Plan or Peter, and he sacrifices himself for Peter. I think Angela never even considered that Nathan would choose Peter over her plan for him, which was the flaw in her machinations lol.

Peter also mentions in s4 that Nathan would rearrange his military leave to be there for Peter’s birthday, etc. i think that they were really happy to see each other every time they got to, it gave them some escape with someone who wasn’t their parents, who understood what it was like to grow up in that family. They’re hugely different people, but in part because Peter was allowed that freedom to be himself and have his own opinions that Nathan simply didn’t have, and again I think Nathan at once kind of resents this and also fiercely wanted that for Peter and is proud of him, despite the way he’s mean to him sometimes lol.

Of course I’d be remiss not to mention the infamous s2 deleted scene, where Nathan says that he and Peter used to steal Arthur’s scotch and go out to the treehouse and he ‘got him drunk for the first time’ up there. Not sure exactly when but this has to have been when Peter was a teenager, and… whew. The way Nathan delivers this with such anguish (‘why did I go back there…’) says so much about how intensely he feels about this whole thing, like, whatever really happened in that treehouse was a LOT and he’s having a LOT of feelings about it. I think when Peter was a teenager their closeness started becoming TOO much and too intense and it scared Nathan a bit as much as he wanted to hold onto Peter. But aaaaanyway….

I just love me some codependent brothers lmao so I’ve probably coloured it more towards that in my own perception. But basically I do think they were close regardless of the age gap!

[cheezyharu]

responding to this

i don’t need to go on anon to be nosy about you. all of them, go (unless you’re uncomfortable with any, of course)

UH.

FUCK IT. SURE. ALL OF THEM IS UNDER CUT.

This is. Stupidly long lmao...

0: Height

1m66, around 5'4"?

1: Age

Approaching 17

2: Shoe size

Uh. 39 to 40 by Vietnamese standards. It's like... 8 in US size?

3: Do you smoke?

No.

4: Do you drink?

No, I think beer and wine sucks anyways...

5: Do you take drugs?

Outside of medical reasons, no.

6: Age you get mistaken for

Idk, I think occasionally the freshmen in my club mistook me for being in sophomore year?

7: Have tattoos?

Too big of a pussy to try that, and also I don't think I'm allowed to anyways.

8: Want any tattoos?

... I could get some sort of symbol (maybe I could design it myself) on top of my hand...

9: Got any piercings?

Too big of a pussy to try that.

10: Want any piercings?

Noooo thank you.

11: Best friend?

You @skyward-current, mst, the 4 guys(TM)...

12: Relationship status

Single, and would be happy to stay like that for a while...

13: Biggest turn ons

Like... when you yap about what you like and... the other person is just listening in. They're not annoyed or anything, just... listening. There's a certain sense of reassurance that came with it, I suppose.

14: Biggest turn offs

Those people that like... when they don't get what they want and they get physical with it... Like just, forcefully drag you to whatever they want or just... hit you or whatever.

15: Favorite movie

The last time I enjoyed an entire movie is... The Mitchells VS the Machines, I think?

16: I’ll love you if…

I don't know.

17: Someone you miss

My grandma.

18: Most traumatic experience

... Yeah we don't talk about my first bf... it's not like I remember much of those 4-ish years...

19: A fact about your personality

Uh. Idk about this one actually

20: What I hate most about myself

...

21: What I love most about myself

...... I don't know.

22: What I want to be when I get older

An artist... still wanted to be like that.

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

Pretty nice, conflicts happen, but rarely, most times we're just fucking around and being silly with each other.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

Good enough, I'd say.

25: My idea of a perfect date

No idea, go to the arcade and play rhythm games together I'm fine just sitting next to eachother and do fuck whatever

26: My biggest pet peeves

Strangers/people I don't know that well/someone I hate touching me, I suppose

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

In real life? Yeah there's no one atm :V

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

I can't remember, he has freckles... and really short, I think.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

I don't want to talk about it, though usually I like to keep myself as transparent as I can.

30: What I hate the most about work/school

Pop quizzes, no one likes that c'mon.

31: What my last text message says

-ye

32: What words upset me the most

Silence... like the "I'm dissapointed in you" kind.

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

I really like it when my art teacher say "Good job!" like there's a therapeutic feeling having a 50-ish Filipino man enthusiastically say "GOOD JOOOOB." to you, COMMON TESLA YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT-

34: What I find attractive in women

No idea, honestly...

35: What I find attractive in men

NO IDEA, HONESTLY

36: Where I would like to live

... Honestly, Idk, I'd be fine just... living in Vietnam, but I also wanna try living elsewhere as well...

37: One of my insecurities

My own body, I guess? Got fat shamed when I was like. 11, and I still feel a bit discontent looking at myself in the mirror

38: My childhood career choice

Artist... lol

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

CHOCOLATEEEEEEE

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

Initially I wanted to go to the arcade to play Chunithm and Maimai, but then period hit me in the ass so...

42: The last thing I ate

Pizza.

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

Uh.

Um.

Jade from Honkai Star Rail? I just watched the newest trailer so...

44: A random fact about anything

Technically speaking I think I'm a miracle child? Apparently my mom nearly ran out of water (it's called Oligohydramnios?) while she was pregnant with me, and I nearly died because of it but then didn't... Yeah combine with the fact that I'm the youngest, I'm starting to see why they treated me like the golden child :V

[xoteajays]

yessss, please tell me all about rikaine, i love her already !! ( and as i’ve said i think she and my girls lark and star would be besties <3 )

hope you’re doing well, love !! <3

yayyy it's the attention i wanted agsghfsjfjkl so rikaine is her surname, koi is her first name. it's another surname first situation with op. (let lark and koi duet jolly sailor bold so sanji and zoro can collectively lose their minds about it. star and koi 🤝 being hot redhead zoro ships) i'm doing well, thank you! ♡♡

to get the smaller details out of the way: she's a zoro ship, is a half-mermaid, she doesn't have a devil fruit power but does have merfolk abilities, like being a very fast swimmer, breathing underwater, and talking to fish.

okay, so, let's start with her parents. her father is pirate captain rikaine colt. he began his piracy career as a pre-teen, years before gold roger's death. he started out as a powder monkey and eventually worked his way up to captain after he and his crew mutinied against their original captain. to say the least, colt was very charismatic. later, as captain, he met koi's mother, esmarie, a mermaid with a fascination for humans. (esmarie is way more little mermaid coded than koi).

esmarie and colt were never married or anything, but they did have an affection for each other. after koi was born, esmarie was a very hands-off parent, she loved her daughter but loved her freedom more. that didn't bother koi too much since she had her father. colt loved his daughter more than anything. koi probably had the best childhood of all the straw hats tbh. she grew up on - and in the ocean around - her father's ship. just imagine this big pirate dude carrying around a tiny merchild. the crew also adored koi. they rigged up a machine on the side of the ship to lift koi from the water easier; they made a game of throwing her back into the ocean and cheering when she did a flip or a perfect dive. the crew was as much family to koi as they were to colt. they do all try to keep koi out of the pirate stuff though.

all was fine and dandy until koi was about 15. colt's ship was overtaken by the legendarily cruel pirate captain blacktide (real name, lyne tydell). blacktide's own ship was on the way to being totally destroyed after a battle and he intended to take someone else's ship. there was little colt could do when blacktide came aboard and demanded he cede his captaincy; this is because of blacktide's devil fruit, the ubau ubau no mi (or yoink yoink fruit in english), which allows him to take aspects from people and keep them in a physical bottle. when colt initially faltered, one of his crewmates tried to stand up for him and blacktide took his eyes, leaving him completely blind. to protect the rest of his crew, colt handed over his captaincy and ship to blacktide.

of course, there was no time to tell koi any of this and when she came aboard, she was swiftly captured by blacktide. he wanted to keep her as a prize and trophy, as a faux show of wealth to play like the rich people who would spent millions on mermaids. it quickly became obvious how important koi is to the crew though and blacktide decided he could use her as a tool to keep them in line. years later, when koi is closer to 17/18 (maybe older? idk if the la ages are the same as the manga/anime), blacktide discovered rumors of a mutiny amongst the original crew and chose to punish koi to punish the crew; he took her tail. the ubau ubau power is a painful process and koi lists it as one of the worst agonies she's ever experienced. it breaks her father's heart.

colt begs one of his original crewmates, luz, to take koi and free her somewhere far from blacktide's reaches. though initially hesitant, luz eventually agrees and takes koi in the night when everyone else is asleep.

this is where it gets a lil hazy for me. i'm not fully committed to how koi meets the straw hats, but what i have going so far is: luz leaves her on the shores of orange town, it's dark so they don't know that the city is in ruins. by daybreak, koi is discovered and captured by buggy's crew. she plays at being a part of his crew, but he doesn't really have a part for her in his 'show', so she's mainly kept in the back. she was supposed to be keeping an eye on zoro and nami to make sure they don't escape while buggy deals with luffy. she stays hidden from them until she hears cabaji coming and rushes to stop nami from getting caught picking her lock. when zoro, nami and luffy are fighting buggy, she tries to free the orange town citizens but they're too scared to run.

when the straw hats are leaving, she begs asks to come with them. nami and zoro are originally going to say no, but luffy being luffy is of course like 'more the merrier' and lets her come along. as they set off, she explains to them all about her past and luffy is all the more insistent to help her get her tail back.

bonus: blacktide and luz! i cannot find a usable colt fc to save my life.

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

Season 3 finale! Episode 8!

1.) “We don’t know it’s your kids.” “Yes, we do.” We really do, Murray. They’re the only kids who do shit in this town.

2.) Jonathan could have been a track star.

3.) They really did not CGI that wound well. I forgot Jonathan reaches into the wound at all though. I just remember El using her powers to rip it out.

4.) And the gang’s all together again!

5.) I love Erica.

6.) I loved the group hug.

7.) STEVE’S HER DADDY NOW. Cute that you think you’d be the one being called Daddy, Steve. You’re a total bottom. Edit from the future: this isn’t me saying only tips are daddies or even only dons are daddies. I just don’t think Steve is a daddy because of vibes.

8.) “Oh honey, I’m gonna be fine.” It’s true. People will riot if Winona Ryder’s character dies, so I think she has plot armor.

9.) Oh, they finally remembered how Hopper actually talks to El.

10.) Here comes douchebag Billy.

11.) This elevator is definitely going slower with the adults in it.

12.) Andddd we’re back to bickering.

13.) Scoooooops Trooooop, do you copy?

14.) Move! That! Car! Oh well, didn’t work.

15.) Murray’s call sign being Bald Eagle is very funny.

16.) El dug through the trash to destroy a can of New Coke. They love to advertise Coke. I mean also they needed a way to say her powers are being on the fritz but they could have done that with the car.

17.) Mind Flayer dead above.

18.) That bitch big.

19.) “I think we make a pretty good team.” Never once did you act like a team, what the fuck are you talking about? And like, it pisses me off because they FUCKING DID WORK TOGETHER WELL IN SEASONS 1 AND 2 WITHOUT BICKERING THIS GODDAMN MUCH.

20.) I forgot these two idiots set up a date for Friday at 7 p.m. at Enzo’s.

21.) A;LDKSFJ;ADKSFLJ I FORGOT THAT THE FUCKING MIND FLAYER CREATURE ANSWERED THE WALKIE TALKIE. THAT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY.

22.) Fun Fact, I had to take a break during this episode because I think I discovered that flashing lights while watching tv in the dark is now a migraine trigger for me. Isn’t that fun? I took a pill and let my friends blow weed smoke in my face because I am whatever’s a step lower than a lightweight. I’m a baby weight? THat doesn’t make sense. I’m a lighter weight. I’m the lightest weight.

23.) The bald eagle has landed.

24.) Machine go off. Alarm go eeeeeeeeee. Monster go grrrrrrrr.

25.) Smiling and nodding works.

25.) 662608004 is not the code.

27.) Nancy WHeeler staring down a car with a gun in her hands, ice in her veins, and my total admiration for her. HELL YEAH STEVE TO THE RESCUE.

28.) Steve definitely has a concussion and both of them (him and Robin) have whiplash.

29.) Susie has a big ass house. Do we talk about how Susie has a big ass house? She’s also reading Wizard of Earthsea. I don’t actually believe the Duffer Brothers have read that book. I think they just put that in there because they know it’s a nerd book written by women.

30.) Susie is so goddamn cute.

31.) the Iconic Singing from Dustin

32.) I am shocked that Hopper doesn’t interrupt to be like WE NEED TO NOT DIE FROM RUSSIANS, PLEASE.

33.) I forgot that the monster is chasing the few people in the car before turning around.

34.) Hopper shooting the ceiling does cross language boundaries.

35.) Oh it’s Arnold from Wish. I hate that bitch.

36.) Do you think it was awkward filming a scene where you’re being carried over Dacre’s shoulder and if you open your eyes, you’re staring straight at his ass?

37.) “Don’t be afraid.” I don’t think that worked, Billy.

38.) Hell yeah fireworks. Yeah definitely don’t watch this show if you have a light sensitivity. BTW, I’m super mad that I have migraine triggers now. Like thanks Covid. Thanks for ruining big lighting things that I used to love.

39.) I think the Duffers rely too much on a plan never going the way it’s supposed to. Like they do it every single season and at this point it’s like, expected. It is straight up no longer a surprise. I’m now just constantly looking for how it’s going to fuck up.

40.) Mike and Max definitely have concussions.

41.) This is a sweet scene but I just realized she’s describing this scene like she’s trying to get a sketch artist to draw it at first. Like I get it, he got a shit fucking deal. I STILL DO NOT FORGIVE HIM FOR WANTING TO KILL LUCAS. No one made him do that! No one made him nearly kill Steve! Like yes he did a good thing at the end and I think MAYBE with some work people (probably not Lucas or Steve) could have learned to forgive him and maybe he could have earned forgiveness, but dying doesn’t actually earn that. Not even dying to protect El and Max.

42.) I do feel bad for Max though.

43.) Why doesn’t Hopper even try to move? Also I just realized they did that fade to black to hide him being taken away at the last minute because you don’t see him on the walkway before the explosion.

44.) I love how that mega powerful explosion that disintegrates Russians can’t touch glass though so Joyce is fine. I’m telling you, that woman has plot armor.

45.) Max is so sad. Honestly I am shocked she’s that sad, that fast. Not that it’s wrong for her to react that way, but IDK. I think I just want more representation of that first initial sock of like ‘I don’t know what I feel. This person sucked’.

46.) I forgot the fucking soldiers show up as soon as everything is already completed. Say what you will about the commies, but they were prompt all season.

47.) Owens showed up to have a disappointed dad face at a red crack int he wall.

48.) Will is getting so tall. I love him and Joyce reuniting. But also poor poor El. For a rare time they actually manage to convey information through acting and not words.

49.) THREE MONTHS LATER. I love that the deaths has Barb and Bob BUT NOT BENNY OR THE MORE THAN HALF DOZEN OTHER PEOPLE WHO FUCKING DIED IN SEASON 1. The show literally forgets who all died.

50.) Steve put his mom down as a reference because she’s ‘like super well-respected’.

51.) Steve isn’t an idiot, he’s just dyslexic and is bad at answering on the spot. But he definitely has seen all 3 Star Wars movies without being forced. It wasn’t actually nerdy to see Star Wars in the 1980s, guys. They were blockbuster hits that everyone and their mother watched.

52.) Byers are leaving Hawkins. Joyce has a terrible history with dating.

53.) I love Max and Lucas singing together.

54.) Okay Mike and Will are gay for each other.

55.) I didn’t expect Jonathan’s carpet to be that clean.

56.) Nancy Wheeler is the big spoon.

57.) “A wise man said, we’ve got shared trauma.” And I say Nancy’s a comphet lesbian

58.) El’s hair is so cute.

59.) everyone likes presents

60.) “Mike, I love you too.” Wait she says that and according to fanfiction he never says I love you back? What a dumbass. I guess I’ll find out though.

61.) Why are they acting like Hopper needed to be coached to write this letter? It’s super similar to what he said off the cuff to the radio in season 2.

62.) Millie Bobby Brown is very good at being pretty while crying.

Okay so season 3 is a mixed bag at breakneck pace. Hopper’s characterization is inconsistent as hell. I don’t care about Mike/El, tbh. I also think the Duffers don’t understand most media, let alone feminist literature enough to make a cogent point about anything. By this time the Russian angle was already super played out and being set in the 80s doesn’t make it better, honestly.

Anyway, it’s once again a mediocre season elevated by a good cast but I love Steve and Robin being friends. It has good moments and if they’d had a better script it could have been great. But that would require smart men. Smart men who don’t do a circle jerk because they remember 80s movie references.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty awesome day. Honestly I don't have too many complaints except I was tired and it was hot. A lot of today was great.

I fell asleep really fast last night which was really nice. And I wish I got to sleep longer but I was pretty well rested. But I was very tired when I got up. I woke up at 7:15 and I did not want to get out of bed at all but I knew I had to. Last week Ann had said I didn't have to come this week if it was too hot if I didn't want to but then she texted me yesterday that she wasn't feeling well and that she was wondering if I would take over today and of course I said yes because I care about her and I want to make sure that the market is going well. And so I got up and I got dressed and I wore this jumpsuit which is great except for some reason even though usually women's clothings have fake buttons this one all the buttons down the front are real and it gaps like crazy so 5 seconds before we needed to leave I took the whole thing off and I ran it through the sewing machine. I did not change the thread on the sewing machine so there's just black stitching going down the front now. I'm going to rip it out at some point and put something that matches a little bit better but it has to be sewn down or it would drive me insane. And I really like this jumpsuit so I want to make it work.

I was not in the best place emotionally because I was so tired. But James got us out the door only a few minutes late and we didn't forget anything which was nice. We stopped for breakfast and everyone who was working in the McDonald's was literally a teenager and was so confused at every question and it was a little funny. But we got our food and it was fine even though the hash brown was a weird shape. And then we were at the market.

James helped me set up. It was already very hot and Anne was not feeling great and was going to be leaving by 9:00. But she stayed for setup and everything was going okay. No big disasters. No one being terribly annoying with their vehicles. I got all set up and then I just started knitting.

And I would finish my ball of yarn. I still need six more squares to finish the whole thing. So hopefully I'll have that done tomorrow and then I can start sewing the rows together. And I'm really excited. Just think the gradient looks very cool and I'm excited for this project to be done and to start working on my next one. I have no idea what that next one will be but I'm excited.

And I'm surprised at how good I did today at the market. Because I was not feeling it. I tried my best to stand because I always do better when I stand. I don't know why that is but standing up makes me sell more things. And people were really nice and I had some really nice interactions. A child from last year and the year before, Rosie, who had bought a bear and named it Farmer Bear, came back for the first time this season and I was so excited to see her because she's going to be turning four next month and her mom and her dad and her little brother and it was just so nice to see them. And while she wanted to buy the other bear that matches her farmer bear, except farmer beer has a pink nose and this one has a black nose, mom said no bears this time. Which is understandable. Instead they bought a sticker and she's going to put on her water bottle for her first day of school and I could cry that's so cute.

And I also had that nice family that always comes and buys things from me bring two of my frogs back that needed slight repairs. They tried to pay me for it but it took me literally 2 minutes to resew the legs So I said it's fine and then they bought four stickers anyway. I really appreciate how much they support me and they made my day very bright by telling me how much they love the things I make.

It was very hot though and all of us were suffering. And we decided that we would close the market early at noon. Bob came out and we had a really nice long chat about metal casting and getting sunburns from welding and just he's such a nice guy. I used to be so intimidated by him but I think he's great. Though he did get upset with me later in the day when he found out we were closing early and I didn't tell him. But I thought he was standing right there when we had the conversation so I feel bad. But it's not my fault!

I'm just glad he still was able to come out and get his lunch before everyone closed up.

James did come out to get baked goods with me. I got my peanut butter pie and a caramel brownie which is excellent. And James got a couple donuts and a cheesecake bar and a key lime pie for liter this week. And eventually they would go and buy a burger from the food truck because apparently they promised on Thursday that they would buy lunch there with them today.

And James said it was really good.

One of the other really nice interactions I had was towards the end when a family came by, a white woman and an Indian man, and then all of their parents. And the white woman picked up one of my bears and was gushing about how it reminded her of her and her brother's childhood toy and she loved it so much but she couldn't decide which one was the closest. So I told her go for a walk do the loop come back. And she did and when she came back her mom was with her and she showed her at her mom was like oh my god it does look like your guys's toy, who was named lammy and Barry. And then the husband was like I'll buy it for you and so I was like okay but then all of a sudden his mom throws her credit card at me and she's like I'm going to buy it for my daughter, her daughter-in-law which was so cute. And then the Indian guys dad who had an amazing turban on goes hey you're only supposed to swipe your credit card 30 times a month! And she said more like 30 times a minute lol! And it was so silly. And it was just such a sweet interaction and I just really loved it.

And then I had someone buy three bears from me for their nieces and nephews and that was great. And I was just having such a nice day and people were great and I was very happy even though it was incredibly hot.

The other real problem was that it wasn't super hot in the pavilion. We were getting a really good breeze. It was warm but it wasn't unbearable but as soon as you left the pavilion It was like so hot that I was worried for everyone in the parking lot even though they were under tents. Like it was painful. The wind though was keeping us cool in the pavilion but was also knocking everything over. I kept having to chase papers and then my stuff was going everywhere and I had to put some stuff away because they just would not stay still. And honestly it made me so tired. I was pretty okay until I had to start running around.

So I was really really happy when noon came around. I took my time putting things away. Jose came over and told me I could take peaches because he had a bunch of leftover. And then Helen gave me a bouquet of flowers to say thank you for introducing her to CJ. And it was just so beautiful and everyone was so kind today. Just a lovely group of people.

After I packed up I went inside to sit with James and give them a break so they could run to the bathroom. And I talked to Deborah who I haven't seen in a while and it was nice to see her. And then I decided that everyone was packed up enough outside by 12:30 that I could leave.

I went outside to tell Stanley that I was heading out and told him not to tattle on me that I was leaving a half an hour early and he said he didn't see anything. And then I left. And I was so happy to go home.

On my way home there was so much traffic in the opposite direction on MLK because of the baseball game tonight so I made sure to note that so when I came back for James at 4:00 I would go a different way. And then I saw a guy asking for change and I gave him one of the peaches after asking if he would like one. And he got the biggest smile on his face and he was like Yes I absolutely would love a peach. And it was just very nice and he had such a nice smile. I hope he's doing okay.

I got home and I brought everything inside and I put things in the fridge. I had bought guacamole again and was very excited to eat that later. I cut the bottoms of the flowers and I broke the bouquet in half because we were going to go to Jessie's graduation party tonight and I would give her half the flowers. And then I took a quick shower and changed and got in bed and slept for almost 2 hours.

When I woke up I was so delirious and so sad that I had to get up. I did not want to go to this graduation party I did not want to drive I was so upset but I made promises and so I had to make it happen. And so I went and had some of that guacamole and a little bit of my brownie and then drank a whole lot of water and headed out.

I had to drive through the city and while there was no traffic people were driving so stupid and I had to be so aggressive to deal with them. And I hate being an aggressive driver but I am also very good at it. And so I was trying not to scream at people and swerve my car around other cars but I safely and in one piece made it to the museum before 4:00.

I got James and switch seats so that they could drive and then we went to Jessie's gathering.

The sky looked very dark for having a 0% chance of rain. And almost immediately after we parked the sky opened up and it stormed for about a half an hour very hard. But we were safely inside and honestly it was a really nice little time. We were only there for about an hour But it was really good. When we got there they were just about to do toasts and little speeches for Jessie and the other graduate, Edgar, and it was really nice and everyone was really sweet and just clearly cared about them both so much. And when they asked if anybody else had anything to say if something was on their heart I was like hey I know I don't know any of you and none of you know me but walking in the space just feels like it's filled with so much love and that's just very lovely and I'm glad that all of you are friends and we were all joking for the next hour about how I just wandered and off the street because I didn't know anybody. But it was really cute and I just loved listening to it and honestly because I'm so emotional right now I could have cried a few times because they were being so sweet to each other but it was really nice.

And then somebody brought ice cream so I got to have an ice cream cone and there was watermelon. There was also a feta orzo salad that I was coveting but I did not have any of because I didn't really want to eat any more salty food but I love federal orso salad so I told James that and they said they will make something for me.

And I did get to talk to a couple people and make a couple little friends. And I'm at another non-binary James and had a lovely conversation with them and I got to talk about camp and a couple other like goofy things about kids being super out and LGBTQ friendly and how it's just beautiful to see but also how goofy they are about it and how I had that weird conversation last year where a child told me that a football player at their school was queerbating because they weren't actively out of the closet. And I'm like it was just you can't queer bait in person that's something that media does. So it was just really nice to be in such a queer space with so many beautiful people that were all clearly just so smart and kind. Plus there was watermelon and that was great.

We left right after the rain stopped. And I was in a much better mood and a much better place emotionally. Tony let us know that he was on his way with Leon and Billy to bring them to our house and we had one more stop so we headed out after saying goodbye. And went over to Jessie's house because she had a new bike for me.

When I say new I mean she found this bike in a free pile on the side of the road and it's small so she thought that it would work for me. And it's about the same size as the bike I have already And it's very cute and it's a Schwinn. It's caliente Schwinn. I'm not sure what I'm going to name it I'm leaning to hot tamale or cherry bomb. But it's very cute and I'm excited to see if it works for me. So James took that off of her back porch and took the wheel off because it's got a quick release and we got it in the car and went home.

We beat the boys there by less than 10 minutes. And I was happy to see them. I got to show off my apartment just a little bit. I knew that they were going to be leaving very soon but it was cool to get to show them some stuff and then they talk sports with James and James gave them jerseys and hats to wear to the game if they would like to and then they were off to the light rail.

As soon as they left I got right into cleaning. I vacuumed I cleaned the kitty litter I cleaned the fish tanks I sprayed down the bathroom I wiped all the surfaces and I was having a great time even though it is entirely too warm in here. I had both air conditioners going but I take forever to really cool down the space. It seems to finally be working though. And I just spent like an hour and a half cleaning and making it nice in here and then I got to work laying out all of my squares.

I decided to do this kind of gradient of the three colors with the black. So it's like a checkerboard gradient and I really like it. I made one too many red squares and I still need six black squares. I'm frogging and old panel that I made with the black yarn that I never used for anything. I have a whole box of stuff that could be frogged honestly but I just grabbed that one and started doing that but then I got distracted and I didn't want to work on it anymore so I pinned all of the rows so that I can just grab them and start sewing them together and hopefully I will have all of that done by the end of camp. Honestly I don't think it's going to take me that long but it is time consuming. So we'll see what happens.

After I did that I chilled for a while and then I decided I needed to set up the beds for the boys cuz I didn't know what time everyone was coming back from the game And I was surprised to find that we don't have very many sheets. I don't know where they all are. I know I got rid of a couple but I didn't think I went crazy. So that's annoying. But I set the beds up best I could. And also we don't have a lot of like cooler weather blankets so I put the ones out that I could find but most of our blankets are made of fake fur so they're very great for the winter but not great for right now.

Hopefully the boys think it's fine. I also put teddy bears on both of the beds so I hope that makes them feel cozy.

Once I finish that I got into a project in the studio fixing my rainbow sandals. I thought maybe since they're basically ready for the trash I could try patching them. Which is something I've never tried before. I have some leather scraps so I cut squares to put around the ball of the foot area because it's cracked on both sides and then I glued and clamped the backs. I don't know if these will be usable at all but I love having just a pair of flip-flops I can throw on when I need to walk down to the car. Which is something I had to do to get the air pump for the air mattress. And that's when I was like I'm going to do this next project. And it was fun even though I got glue literally everywhere including on my stomach somehow.

So then I knew it was time to take a shower. And I took a very excellent shower and it made me feel a lot better. And I put on nice vanilla lotion. And then I did my eyebrows and now I am laying in bed with sweetp.

James just texted me about how bad the Orioles are. I don't know why they're shocked the Orioles have always been bad. But I hope they're having fun. And now I'm going to go back to watching my video and maybe working on my knit squares for a little bit longer.

I hope that you guys had a good day and that you are not somewhere where it is incredibly hot. I hope that you are being grateful and kind. I love you all. Be safe and tell your mom you love her.

[steampunkenglish]

Craft, Crafting, and the Merge of Multiple Lines of Artistic Pursuit

What I've Done on My Spring Break

This week I've been at home enjoying Spring Break like every other person who is attached in some way to the academic community. Some of my friends and colleagues have taken lovely trips, visiting friends or finding beaches. I stayed home with my cats.

I also crafted and went outside as much as the somewhat cranky weather here in Georgia would allow me to do.

Handcrafts are as important to me as my writing in a lot of ways. They sustain me. They challenge me. They allow me to explore and learn new things and develop new skills.

So I crocheted baskets and got out my sewing machine to try my hand at making something that I may wear if it turns out nice. f

One of the things I have noticed about a lot of my writer friends is that they often are like me. They do more than just write. Some play and sing in bands, others sew and create complete cosplay outfits from scratch, still others 3D print dragons and sell them, and still others are like me and do fiber crafting of all types.

How Does Crafting Connect with Writing Craft?

The silver thread through all of this is the drive to create, make, and build. That drive doesn't stop with telling stories though. I'm pretty much a tiny bundle of "Oh hai, let's build something cool!" If you provide me with materials and some instructions, I'm probably going to make an attempt to do something with those resources, even if it ends up looking like something a 3rd grader put together during art hour.

I'm not saying that every writer is like this. There are probably plenty of writers who don't have side crafting going on. Hollywood would have us believe that all writers do is sit in our houses or coffeeshops and get neurotic about not meeting deadlines (okay, I am neurotic about that, but when I get too neurotic, I usually go pick up my crochet needle and crank out about 15 bookmarks or make baskets or something) or plot the murder of our agents. I'm also not looking down on those writers who don't craft. Every person has a different thing and a different approach to creativity.

What I am saying is that often, at least in my experience, crafting has opened my own creativity and taught me techniques I apply to my writing.

Techniques I Have Gained from Hand-Crafting

Breaking things down into smaller pieces: Every project starts off seeming HUGE! You look at the picture on a pattern or the photograph of that cake on the cookbook page and it seems impossible. That's the finished product. What we forget is that those products come from a series of small steps taken in order that lead to that final product. Our culture doesn't allow us to understand this. We are a final product people. Everything is a series of smaller steps. Crafting allows us to learn this fact over and over again.

Allowing for mistakes: I am a perfectionist. I want things to be perfect the first time. This is a problem for a novelist. It means there is little room for accepting that the story might not work well during the first draft or even the tenth draft. It also makes it hard to hear when someone else says, "You know, this story is happening in a white room..." (This really happened to me with a story I wrote and LOVE with my whole heart. It was made harder by the fact that the person who said this is someone I respect and also love with my whole heart AND was completely right). Handcrafting forces you to be honest and accept that you are not going to be a master right away--and that's okay. I started knitting eleven years ago. It was a huge learning curve, but it taught me that those mistakes I made were not a big deal. I could tear them out and try again. Writing is the same. I can tear those mistakes out and try again. That white room got torn out and filled with pine trees, a lake that smelled funny, a small brick church, and a rotting, green dock. Substitute perfection for a polishing rag.

Being open to instruction and guidance: Crafting has taught me that there are others who know more than me. When I need and want to know more, I have to go ask. This is another thing I struggle with. Ask the questions. Go find the experts. Don't assume to know the answers. One of the things I love, love, love about crochet and knitting is that there is always one more thing to know. During the pandemic, I decided that I wanted to learn a new crochet technique. I settled on mosaic crochet. I couldn't go take classes, so I used ye old YouTube and found an expert from Iceland, Tinna Thorudottir Thorvaldar(https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCLETbuS9Y_v1o2BpSjj-oA). I also found she had a Facebook group. I learned, asked questions, and started working mosaic pretty regularly. Now it's my favorite style of crochet. I often am reminded as I do this work that asking questions and taking the advice of others is important.

Expand Your Creativity

My message this week is this: expand your creativity. Don't be afraid to spread yourself out a bit and find other creative things to do. Crafting can be a great way to feed yourself creatively and open yourself and your writing. You don't have to master the craft or sell anything. You just have to find joy and maybe gain some insights along the way. Or maybe just make a few fun things along the way.

Y'all have a great week!

#creativity #writingcraft #writing #writerslife

[survey--s]

533.

What can you smell right now?    My scented candle, which apparently smells like “smoked roses”.

What was the last thing you bought online?   A cooling blanket and some air freshener for my car.

If you drink coffee, when was the last time you went a day without having one?   Whenever I had that horrendous flu/bug thing - it must have been back in February, I think?

Do you have any appointments coming up?   I have two jobs to do in a couple of hours. I have to go and feed Monty and then pop in on Charley the cat.

Do you put appointments in your phone’s calendar app to remember them?   Yeah.

Will you be visiting anyone’s house in the next week or so?   Yeah, my job involves going in/out of people’s houses lol. I also see my in-laws most days as they look after the dog for us while we work.

Have you ever been to a petting zoo? What animals did you pet?   Yeah, loads of times - goats, lambs, pigs, calves, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, chicks, ducklings - all sorts.

What was the last movie you saw in theatres?   I haven’t been to the movies since before COVID lol.

Do you know anyone who has done a PhD?   Yeah, quite a few people.

How many unread emails are in your inbox right now?   Zero, I check/delete my e-mails as they come in.

What four apps do you keep on the home bar on your iPhone? (Sorry, I’m not sure if Android has an equivalent!) Phone, Spotify, Safari, Messages.

Have you ever used Tumblr? Do you still use it today?   No, this is all a figment of your imagination.

Are you tired right now?   A little bit, but not full-on exhausted or anything like that.

What’s your favourite day of the week and why?   It depends on the week and what I have planned, but generally weekends are the best for obvious reasons lol.

How far away is the nearest major city?   About two hours away.

Do you own an electric kettle?   Sure.

Are your eyebrows wispy or bushy?   Both lol.

Have you ever lost your wallet or purse? Did you have to replace a bunch of things?   I’ve lost my bank card a few times but I just froze it via the app and ordered a new one.

Where are you right now? Describe the room or place to me.   I’m in the living room as it’s bloody roasting outside. There are windows at each end - the front door is at one end, the kitchen door at the other and the upstairs door on far left as you come in. The walls are painted a mix of red and grey, the carpets are grey and so is the sofa, with red blankets/cushions to match the walls. All the furniture is white. There are fairylights all around the room and a scented candle burning above the fireplace.

Do you prefer big dogs or small dogs?   Medium sized dogs - around 15-25kg is perfect for me. Anything bigger and they’re generally too strong for me to handle safely, and any smaller and they’re just not really my thing, I guess.

Are you good at understanding heavy accents? Which accents would you say you’re the best at understanding?   For the most part I manage fine. I guess British accents.

Have you ever played on a real life pinball machine, or just on the computer?   Both.

Do you have a lot of word documents or notes on your computer?   No, I don’t think there any saved on here actually.

What’s your favourite Ben & Jerry’s flavour?   I’m not a fan of Ben & Jerry’s anymore. I loved it as a teenager but now it all tastes really sweet and artificial,.

Have you ever been to a school reunion? How was it?   No, and I have no interest in going to one.

How many nights a week do you generally cook at home?   I eat at home pretty much every night but I don’t always cook.

What colour are the street signs in your neighbourhood? Are they the same all over town or do they vary?   Like, the signs with street names on them? White with black lettering. That’s the same everywhere in the UK.

Do you have good grammar and punctuation skills?   Yes.

Have you ever tried vegan chicken? Did you like it? Yeah, I used to love Quorn stuff but now it makes me sick lol.

[iconicfitnessae]

Building Your Best Body: 5 Muscles That Will Take You from Zero to Hero!

When it comes to strength training, and essentially building your best body, many of us get a bit obsessed with the famous big three: the squat, bench press, and deadlift. And hey, who can blame you? Not much compares to the feeling of pressing a barbell loaded up with plates! So there’s not doubt that those compound movements are like the rock stars of the gym! But let’s not forget about the supporting cast – those smaller, often-neglected muscles that can actually help you take your lifts from zero to hero!

So, let’s talk about 5 muscles that perhaps deserve a bit more of your attention, and we’ll show you how to train them!

1. Brachialis

Why Should You Care? A strong brachialis adds width to your arms, giving you that impressive “gun show” look. While you may hit it during bicep curls, targeting it directly can really ramp up your gains!

How to Train It: Try reverse curls with a palms-down grip or hammer curls with your palms facing each other. Aim for 3-4 sets of 10-12 reps. These moves also work your forearms, so save them for the end of your biceps workout.

2. Serratus Anterior

Why Should You Care? A well-developed serratus anterior adds definition to your physique, giving you that “I’m ready for summer” look. While exercises like pullovers may feel good, they mainly stretch this muscle rather than strengthen it.

How to Train It: Do chest presses with an exaggerated range of motion—i.e. reach for the stars! Incorporate this into your warm-up or lighter sets. Push-ups that emphasize scapular movement and front raises can also work wonders!

3. Sternocleidomastoid

Why Should You Care? A strong neck not only boosts your strength but also gives you that “I lift heavy things” vibe. Plus, who wants to be the person with a pencil neck?

How to Train It: If your gym has a neck machine, you’re in luck! If not, lie face-up on a bench with your head hanging off the edge. Place a towel on your face, hold a weight plate, and lift your head up and down. Mix it up by hitting all angles for a balanced workout!

4. Tibialis Anterior

Why Should You Care? Strengthening your tibialis anterior can help prevent injuries, especially if you’re active in sports. Plus, a well-defined tibialis adds depth to your lower legs—winner winner, no chicken legs for dinner!

How to Train It: While gyms may not have specific machines for this muscle, you can mimic the motion on a leg curl machine. Hook your toes under the pads and lift them toward your shins. Go for 3-4 sets of 10-15 reps!

5. Wrist Extensors

Why Should You Care? Many people ignore their forearms, focusing only on wrist curls, which work the wrist flexors. Strengthening your wrist extensors improves grip and makes your arms look even more impressive!

How to Train It: Use reverse wrist curls with a barbell or dumbbells. Move through a full range of motion for 4 sets of 12-20 reps.

Small Muscles, Big Results!

Don’t let these five muscles be the wallflowers of your workout! They may be small, but they pack a punch in terms of strength and aesthetics. By giving them some love, you’ll not only boost your performance in those big compound lifts but also elevate your overall physique.

Remember, it’s not just about the headliners—it’s the entire ensemble that makes the show! So get out there and start training these little powerhouses—you’ll thank yourself later! For more tips, advice and assistance on how to keep working towards your best body, our coaches at Iconic Fitness are at the ready!

[goqmir]

if anyone wants to throw around some ideas for me to maybe use as names for the groups, the jist of the groups i need to name are (and theres a lot of them, 15 total with 5 main groups and 10 sub-groups):

red/blue/white: scientists and community builders who create exclusive neighborhoods and private schools to raise resources to build a big machine

---red/blue: the subgroup of the above that contain the scientists who want to work on the great machine, whose purpose is unknowable. many of them have shed their mortal flesh to become artifact creature robot pooltoys

---blue/white: the subgroup of the above that are a bunch of wealthy businessmen, politicians, and professors who create wealthy and exclusive communities to provide the red/blue scientists with resources

blue/green/red: stoner bioengineers who are experimenting on plants, sealife, and each other with radiation, and their experiment test subjects who act as their bodyguards

---blue/green: the bioengineers and cultivators who perform the fucked up radiation experiments. they wear gas masks and are stoner birds and might be a little bit mutated themselves

---green/red: the creatures they experimented on, a lot of plants, sea life like crabs, and even some irradiated mutant scientists

green/black/blue: religious cult that reveres the power of emotion, whose leaders want to harness the raw emotional power of great love and great loss to ascend to a form of godhood, and whose agents have learned the ability to manipulate and delete peoples emotions at will

---green/black: the wealthy leaders of the religious cult and the general populace of the church. they are very emotional and form strong attachments with one another (as per church doctrine)

---black/blue: a subgroup of more combat-oriented church members who are the muscle of the operation who can control others emotions and also give people amnesia

white/red/black: embassadors from a new empire that is forming who want to persuade the city's leaders into joining under their banner, and the junker group of city natives who they hire to perform wetwork for them (the overall group name needs to represent both groups)

---white/red: the name of the empire that has recently been unifying the nearby city-states under a single banner, very militaristic and nationalismpilled

---black/red: the name of the junker group that was hired and put together by the embassy military of the red/white empire, who are very artifact-core and also implant mechanical devil horns in their heads to give them abilities and make them look cool

black/white/green: a crime syndicate who wants nothing but wealth and power, whose members believe in equity for all and perform heists on the other more wealthy groups to even the stakes

---black/whte: the leaders and organizers of the crime syndicate who are powerful mages that can drain lifeforce from their opponents and organize all the crime

---green/white: the group of the foot soldiers and thieves who are in the crime syndicate who complete the heists, care a lot about taking from the rich to give to the poor and their mechanic is being mages who summon little enchantment creature token golems to do a lot of the thieving for them

please understand that by submitting names to me you sign off on letting me use the names or similar ones for my custom mtg set <3 im going to sleep now im tired and my brain hurts from thinking too hard

i need to come up with like 15 magic the gathering color pair and trio names for this custom set omg. thats so many fuckkk

[adhd-attention-deficit-dumbass]

I don't know if this has been asked before but how do you deal with school subjects that require a ton of reading? I tend to space out and forget what I just read or read without really understanding anything, and screen readers don't really work for me. It's even harder when the subject in question has so many time-sensitive assignments 😭 so I really wanna know if you have tips for this

Ask a university student with ADHD: ”Reading tips and tricks”

You can check out this post for some general study advice but I’ll focus a little bit more on reading lots of texts in this one!

Luckily for you buddy I happen to be an expert on cramming lots of reading with the brain capacity of a 1980s fax machine! I'll do my best to help!

1. Look up some helpful tools 🛠

You can search for dyslexic aids even if you’re not dyslexic (though it’s very common with ADHD so consider it a possibility if you haven’t already). There a lots of different tools that can make reading feel easier. Keep trying different ones if it’s not working for you.

A few examples are:

Reading strips/reading rulers - I find these to work 50% of the time and the other 50% they are more distracting than helpful, it depends on my mood and the formating of the text.

Print your texts - You mentioned screen readers don’t work for you, well let me tell you I find text to be especially difficult to read if it’s on a screen, but the same text printed on paper? Totally fine. Consider borrowing a printer at the library or school to test if reading on paper is easier or not. 

Audiobooks - Here’s something most teachers won’t tell you: Audiobooks are totally fine! I have used audiobooks for over 70% of my work, as long as you can get a digital/physical copy for when you need to cite your sources/quotes, it’s all good in the hood. You don’t even have to tell the teacher in case they make a big deal out of it. There are lots of good places to get free audiobooks on the internet such as;

Youtube - (no, really! It’s saved me so many times!)

Librivox.org - (they also got an App!)

Remember to check with your school/institution if they have any accomodations available! My university offers text reading programs, digital texts, computer rooms, small quiet study rooms for people who get easily distracted. Have a look about, not just at your school, but your local library/area, there are so many things available you might never have thought of. the key here is finding out what works for you.

2. Timers ⏱

One thing I do is set timers every 30-60 minutes depending on how I’m feeling that day. If reading feels super hard one day, I might only set a 15 min timer, and after it runs out I can take a break if I want to - but what usually happens is that I actually want to keep reading because I’m in the zone. It’s one of the most helpful things I do. Getting started is usually the hardest part

3. Learn how to skim

Depending on your teachers, you may have been told skimming is bad - well I'll tell ya it's not. Skimming is a valuable skill that my university teachers have been encouraging us to learn. Now personally I find skimming really hard because I can’t really focus on the text and focus on how i'm reading at the same time. Again, this is a skill you have to build, but it will be a major help once you get the hang of it, it will give you an overlook of the text and once you've skimmed it once, you can go back and take notes on the important bits.

A trick my mentor taught me is to read the beginnings and ends of paragraphs because they usually give an overview of or summarise the content.

4. How to take notes? 📝

I love taking notes and making my notebooks all neat and organised, its fun for me so it doesnt feel like work, however I can't do all that when I've got a short deadline because reading a single page and taking notes can take up to 30 minutes if i'm not catreful.

This depends on what works for you, but I've tried two methods to combat this.

The first is really easy. Whenever you read something you feel like you should take note of, just take one of these bad boys

(picture: info index/those small sticky notes you put in books)

And put it right there, now you know where you need to look later for important information. (Dont overdo it though! It gets expensive real quick! )

Remember "important" and "interesting" is not always the same thing. If you have the energy for it, you can even use different colours for different things.

A few cathegory examples:

Important themes/topics/people

definitions

examples

random stuff that really stuck with me,

things I want to ask questions about

explainations that really helped me understand the subject better

It's by no means neccessary but nevertheless, the sticky notes will help you note important passages without having to spend lots of time taking notes.

Method #2 Is to limit the amount of notes you take.

For example say you can only take one note per page or every three pages, this will prevent you from getting stuck in note-taking swampland like I usually do because you can't write down everything like you might want to.

Some general tips include exercising before you study/exercise more in general, practice meditation/mindfullness and learn some CBT. 

That’s all for now! I hope it was helpful to you in some way! Again make sure to check my other posts for more study tips.

Good luck reading ADHD peeps! 📖

[love-takes-work]

Notes on SU Commentary Tracks

I watched the commentary tracks on the Complete Steven Universe DVD Set and I took some nerd notes.

The episodes with commentary tracks are “Reunited,” “Change Your Mind,” and “The Future.”

I’ll bold stuff that was maybe bigger news or more surprising for easier reading. And yes, some of this was already known from podcasts, other Q&As, or interviews, but I listed it if they said it again here.

Read on after the jump to read these and other highlights:

Steven’s original wedding speech

Older ideas on dialogue for Lapis when she came back to the beach

Scrapped concepts for the scene that ultimately included Steven communicating with the others in a mindscape

Discussions of earlier concepts for White Diamond having a power to “freeze” Gems into statues to make them perfect and having a gallery of them on Homeworld

Pink Pearl’s original fate

The translation of the writing on Obsidian’s sword

The origin of Pink Steven’s design

What Rebecca did to pitch the “SHE’S GONE” scene

Earlier plans to include Shep in “Change Your Mind”

An unused concept of how Steven feels about Biggs

The inspiration for the Heaven and Earth Beetles’ healed design

How Volleyball/Pink Pearl was almost a mini-villain

Discussion of how they did not get to share the origin of the Diamonds

Jasper’s scrapped participation in the movie

“Reunited” - 

Commentary with Rebecca Sugar, Ben Levin, Matt Burnett, Hilary Florido, Joe Johnston, Ian Jones-Quartey, and Kat Morris.

In 2015, an episode idea called “If You Love Yourself So Much” was discussed but rejected. It included some early ideas that ended up getting incorporated into “Reunited,” most notably Garnet marrying herself and putting rings on both hands.

The idea of the Cluster arm wrestling was planned for a long time. A scrapped idea of Steven banging his fist on a vending machine to get some Chaaaaps was supposed to visually parallel some of that scene, but it was axed.

When they got pushback on the wedding idea, they kept adding more and more “high entertainment value” items like a big musical number so the episode would be absolutely unmissable and appealing to everyone.

The song at the beginning of the episode was meant to check in with the entire cast and sort of remind you they exist and what their state of mind is going into the wedding.

Ian made a comment joking about “All 15 people in Beach City” being in the audience.

Just about everyone on the Crew touched this episode, despite that there are four main storyboarders credited for “Reunited.”

In 2016 Ian Jones-Quartey proposed marriage to Rebecca Sugar. They felt like the characters based on them (Sapphire and Ruby) HAD to get married in the show now because otherwise it wouldn’t be honest. But then their characters got married before they did.

They really love the idea of having characters get married who have known each other for a really long time, versus the fairy tale trope of movies ending with weddings between people who have met very recently.

Steven’s speech as officiator at the wedding used to be longer in its first draft--it was described as being weird and full of jokes, and there would have been a scene with Pearl getting weepy and pulling tissues out of her pearl.

Ian mentions loving a joke Jeff came up with having Greg play one chord to make Steven fall asleep--it’s sort of a “dream” chord you hear in cartoons a lot before a dream sequence.

The Crew discussed what it might be like if someone had never seen the show before and started with this episode.

Ian really wanted Steven’s psychic powers to figure into the episode.

Blue using a sadness wave to attack the Gems was a very old idea they’d planned for a long time. So was Lapis’s arrival.

There was a discussion of having Lisa Hannigan performing her lines as Blue VERY early in the morning.

Ian was happy the sword got broken because it was so momentous but it was just a sword. And later appeared on a shelf in the house as an artifact.

Miki had drawn a torn dress for Garnet at one point so she could be shown fighting and moving around more accurately, and this led to a long discussion of whether Gem clothing can even actually get torn the way human clothes can. They concluded that no, it shouldn’t be torn, so they backed up and gave Garnet an open-front dress from the beginning so the fighting version would make more sense.

Lapis originally might have had a longer speech upon arriving back on the beach. They eventually decided to just have her say “Hey.”

The barn falling on Blue Diamond was an intentional Wizard of Oz reference.

They point out that Steven even once said “drop the barn on the beach” (in a previous episode, “Can’t Go Back,” which was also a Miki episode).

Destroying the house was a big deal, and they always thought they’d end up doing it but backed away from it until “Reunited.” They almost even did it back in “Coach Steven”! But it just ended up with a little damage to the porch.

The Crew thinks Miki is really good at drawing ensemble shots.

Rebecca was always overwhelmed whenever she got to have Patti LuPone record for Yellow.

Originally the giant figures of everyone’s statue bodies in the mindscape were too dark and had to be revamped so they could be seen.

An earlier idea of Steven’s “psychic-ghost-situation” had him as a ghost actually trying to interact with the other characters during fighting action, but it was pulled back to this mindscape so there wouldn’t be as much confusing action to keep track of and more focus on what Steven was doing to encourage his teammates and contact the Diamonds.

Hilary was glad not to have to block out a fight.

Ian mentions loving having Bismuth back in the group.

They originally wanted the “Diamonds sensing Pink’s energy” plot to happen when Steven was in the palace somehow, but everything got moved to this scene--which the Crew all agrees turned out incredible, like how cool it was to have Steven essentially reminding each character why they fight and summing up their whole arc in a sentence.

“Change Your Mind”

Commentary with Rebecca Sugar, Ben Levin, Matt Burnett, Hilary Florido, Joe Johnston, Ian Jones-Quartey, and Kat Morris.

They like to refer to this episode as “The movie before the movie.”

They loved incorporating “princess tropes” into Steven’s time on Homeworld, which is why there were so many references to “mice” (well, Pebbles) making clothes, being locked in a tower, being reminded of his manners, loving animals and freeing imprisoned pets, etc. 

Deedee did the voice of the rainbow worm pet. She apparently didn’t find it memorable and was surprised when she was reminded she did the voice.

Rebecca was super excited for the confrontation with Blue.

There was some discussion of how Steven would have died of starvation if he didn’t have someone practical like Connie to remember to bring food.

They love working with the huge scale the Diamonds present.

The Crew always wanted to put someone in Blue’s hair loop. Originally they wanted Blue to tuck Greg in there when she kidnapped him, but they didn’t end up being able to do any hair-loop-carrying until this episode.

The Crew bantered back and forth about what the heck those Pebbles’ names were and how hard it was to track them.

They agreed that Paul draws the best Yellow Diamond, which makes sense since he also drew the first episode with Yellow (and her stink face). 

The scene where Yellow asks Blue to stop using her powers on her and then realizing she’s crying on her own was one of Rebecca’s favorite scenes to get to finally.

Steven Sugar thought Gems would spend a lot of time in their own chambers/rooms just not really doing much of anything unless they had to fulfill their purpose.

Some of the Homeworld ideas were based on a Soviet artist’s concepts, Boris Artzybasheff, and also many ideas were inspired by Busby Berkeley regarding how people were objects and furniture.

The mech was an old idea. Once they had the hand ship from “Jailbreak,” they knew there had to be bodies somewhere.

They focused a lot about what could be the coolest and funniest way for something to happen. The concept of the yellow and blue spaceship arms appearing out of the sky to smack the White Diamond mech around was one of those.

Rebecca really wanted things to look more and more cartoony and bizarre as you get deeper into Homeworld.

They spent a very long time trying to decide on characters’ new outfits.

The trash can lid is said to be a reference to “a flying bear cartoon” and they dance around speaking a direct reference because they’re not sure they’re allowed to say its name.

In discussing the powers of the Diamonds, there were debates on what White’s power would be; with Yellow being physicality-based and Blue being emotion-based, they thought White as identity-based made the most sense.

Different ways to express this were played with before settling on the idea that she thinks she’s perfect and others’ colors make them less like her and less perfect. But then she becomes a hostage to her own beliefs about herself because if she does anything that reflects on everyone else, so it’s best to do nothing.

They had some cool earlier ideas of White’s powers making statues out of other Gems and having a gallery full of frozen Gems, frozen by White to make them perfect.

They also weren’t sure what fate befell the original Pink Pearl and discussed whether she might have been destroyed. 

Rebecca discussed how creepy it was to have White Pearl speaking in Christine’s voice and not Deedee’s--that we should find it fundamentally disturbing at this point.

Tom Herpich came up with the crack on White Pearl’s face.

In real life, pink diamonds aren’t understood as well as yellows and blues. It’s more known what makes a diamond yellow or blue, and some of those facts Rebecca researched were originally woven into the speech White gave about their “impurities.” But it turned out to be too dry and most of it got cut.

Rebecca loves having Lapis with pants and sandals for easier cosplay.

Ian had to draw the scene where Steven is falling and fusing with inert characters--he wasn’t able to properly explain it to Rebecca so she had him draw it.

They really wanted Rainbow Quartz 2.0 to have a scarf, but they couldn’t figure out how to get that into Pearl’s design. They miss the scarf.

It was really important to have these Fusions display call-forwards of the Gems’ new outfits which we hadn’t yet seen.

Rebecca points out that Sunstone’s design breaks a design rule and she feels like Sunstone should have Garnet’s pant leg colors on their legs, but at the same time she understands the rule of cool and likes it like this.

It’s discussed how none of Steven’s fusion weapons are exclusively offensive weapons either.

Rebecca still really wants a suction cup Sunstone toy.

Sunstone’s ability to transcend reality and break the fourth wall was a joke that exploded in the discussion room among the Crew. As soon as the idea was pitched everyone kept coming up with ideas. Sardonyx’s fourth-wall-breaking is more snarky, but Sunstone’s is helpful.

Rebecca was disappointed that the rule about Steven’s clothes wasn’t always followed with having his clothes appear on Obsidian’s hand, but she was delighted that you could see them in one scene.

They spent a lot of discussion time on making sure Steven-Obsidian was different somehow from Rose-Obsidian. The hair is different.

Old versions of Obsidian were drawn with wrapped-together Twizzlers legs, which sort of is reflected in the present design.

The sword had been planned forever--and it first appeared in “Bubble Buddies.”

Miki worked on the Ninja Turtles show so Rebecca was really excited to see her depictions of Bismuth and Sunstone.

An early plan to have Obsidian draw the sword from their mouth was complicated because fusion weapons should be combinations, so they finally reached the solution of having them combine to make the hilt, then get the blade out of Obsidian’s mouth.

The blade of the sword is thought to say “We’ll always save the day,” but you’d have to ask Steven Sugar.

Another really old idea was climbing into the White Diamond mech eye.

Rebecca was disappointed that some of the merch made of White Diamond did not feature her cape sparkles.

There were many debates early on about where Rose might “actually” be. There were tons of references to this fundamental question throughout the show--introducing Lapis as a Gem trapped in an object, having Pearl ponder pulling Steven’s Gem out as a baby, straight-up wondering what would happen to him in “Bubbled” when Eyeball was trying to take his Gem, etc. They all decided Rose was definitely gone but that the idea of her possibly being inside him should be on his mind a lot, leading to disturbing images like dreaming about coughing up her hair.

Yellow Diamond and Blue Diamond both challenged Steven about things he was very confident about, but White’s question of his identity got to him because he in fact is not confident about that.

The black and white eeriness of the fuzzy background and the other characters having their colors washed out helped make the scene in White Diamond’s head so disturbing and creepy.

The split screen showing Steven’s two perspectives was exciting to Rebecca, and was a pretty old idea. And she points out it sort of “breaks the show.”

The Gem Steven, Pink Steven, was represented by a slightly modified version of his model sheet. Everyone laughed when they saw what was getting used.

They decided that an earlier idea of Pink Steven looking angry should be replaced by an emotionless version of him. All the emotion should be with Organic Steven.

In the pitch meeting for this episode, Rebecca herself screamed “SHE’S GONE!!” and shocked the hell out of everyone. She pointed out how no one expected this of her because she’s pretty quiet, but she just wanted to shock everyone the way Steven would in the show.

They point out this is the first appearance of the geometric shield that got so much use in Future.

The fact that Steven is Steven is the ultimate reveal of the show. Usually in fantasy shows there’s some other kind of revelation, but Steven just being amazingly human and amazingly Gem and amazingly himself is wonderful here.

They like having the pilot reference with “What’s your excuse?”

If Rose had somehow still been alive in him, all of this would have been cheapened.

Ian loves that you can faintly hear Sadie’s concert from way out in space as the camera approaches Earth.

They got a lot more use out of the Beach-A-Palooza stage than they thought they would when it had to be designed for “Steven and the Stevens.” There was a joke about how at one of the conventions a real Beach-A-Palooza stage was constructed and they had a thought about how oh good, it’s getting reused.

Sadie having green hair in the finale was a late change but they liked showing her progression. 

They had originally kicked around the idea of Sadie already having her new partner Shep at this point, but decided to develop that in Future instead.

They compare White Diamond’s stepping gingerly into the fountain to skeptically getting into a public pool.

Some silliness they didn’t get to use was that Biggs would be “beloved by everyone” except Steven. They never got to cover it, but originally Steven was just going to not really understand why everyone loves her so much and doesn’t personally much care for her.

The Heaven and Earth Beetles are based on the Mothra Ladies.

The healed Gems’ horns are supposed to be side effects of the corruption that they continue to bear in the present.

Larimar and Orange Spodumene ended up different in the ending scene than they became in Future. Many of the designs were retroactively pulled into this scene after being designed for the movie.

Rebecca wrote “Change Your Mind” as a personal song to express her feelings surrounding her fight for the wedding.

“The Future”

Commentary with Rebecca Sugar, Kat Morris, Alonso Ramirez Ramos, Hilary Florido, Joe Johnston, and Ian Jones-Quartey.

The animatic for this episode ran SO long--they’re supposed to be just over 11 minutes but this one was 17 minutes.

Steven’s calisthenics routine, a callback to “Future Vision,” was on the chopping block to make the episode shorter but Rebecca wouldn’t allow it to be cut because she wanted to show that Steven’s been taking care of himself.

They were very excited to get a chance to cover some of the things in Future that they couldn’t squeeze into the original show, like the unbubbled Rose Quartzes, Volleyball, etc.

The new writers on the show also helped bring forward the idea of Steven finally making some of his OWN mistakes to fix.

This also helped construct the idea of Steven essentially being the “final boss” of his own battle.

Usually stories that involve someone being in a fight and winning don’t explore the effect just being in a fight has on a person, regardless of whether you won. 

Rebecca really wanted to play Ocarina of Time after beating it so she could go back to all the places and see how people were doing. She wanted this epilogue series to explore that a little too.

Little Homeschool is sort of a Tiny Toons reference--older cartoons teach younger cartoons how to be cartoons, and this is Gems teaching other Gems how to be Gems on Earth. 

Lamar came up with the silly joke about receiving that art set with all the different media types in it--the one artists are always getting from a well-meaning relative at holiday time.

A scrapped plot idea involved Volleyball/Pink Pearl as a sort of “mini-villain,” with a focus on her activating the un-activated Pearls.

There’s discussion of how victimization turns people into villains sometimes. But since showing that happening with Volleyball wouldn’t have served the interests of Steven’s arc, they couldn’t fit it in.

There was also a “very specific” Gem origin and Diamond origin story that’s quasi-religious in nature--it’s very cool and complicated. But they do not tell us what it is.

Ian and Joe both really wanted to have Jasper living alone in the woods and stacking rocks. They’re glad they got this series to do that with her.

There was originally an idea for a B-plot involving Jasper in the movie. They don’t discuss the specifics.

There were many ideas they didn’t get to work on because they would have started new arcs and Future was not about kicking new plots into gear.

“Mr. Universe” was the last episode they wrote/finished.

Miki really wanted to include a kiss between Connie and Steven to show their relationship was okay. Among the Crew everyone knew their relationship was basically eternal but Miki wanted to make sure WE knew that.

Steven driving conveyed momentum for Future; in the original show, we always came back to the laundry hand, back to home, but in Future that’s changed and home isn’t what it was. 

They were really excited that a gourd family made it to the crowd scene in Future.

Thanks for reading!

Note: The movie had some commentary tracks too, but the one on this DVD set is the same as the one released on the original standalone movie DVD, so I did not outline it here. Here is my post about the DVD commentary from the movie.