#also i literally think nearly all the guys on the show are so fucking hot so idk why i specified it for like 4 of them only

[alotofrandomfangirling]

Roronoa Zoro NSFW Alphabet (Netflix live action)

Warnings: smut 🫠 and cursing (18+ / minors dni)

A/n: i can't stop writing for this man please help okay so i had a bunch of smut headcanons for live action Zoro so i thought it would be better to fit them in a NSFW Alphabet ajdlajakaj it's the first time i write any kind of smut so please forgive me for any mistakes 😅 (i also didn't check the grammar because i was too embarassed to copy and paste it on google translate lmao sorry about that too ajskajskaj) female reader is adult and everything is consensual 🙏🏻 i hope you like it!!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Zoro is very gentle after sex, he likes to hold you close and kiss your forehead as you both fall asleep together.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He is a boob guy. He loves your boobs, staring at, squeezing and sucking on them. He also likes kissing the valley between them.

And for himself he likes his chest and arms. He is super proud of how much you love to roam your hands on his chest and arms to feel his strong muscles.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He licks every drop of your cum when he makes you climax with his tongue on your pussy (we know he has strong teeth, so i'm guessing his tongue works well too 👀). And it's freaking hot when he wipes his mouth after that and goes kiss you with the same hunger he showed before.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves when you nibble on his ear.

You've recently gotten obsessed with the three earrings on his left ear and you want to suck on them all the time. He acts annoyed when you do it, but deep down he loves it, it makes him feel all tingly inside.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Zoro wasn't very experienced when you met, but, after all this time together, you've done it so many times that now he already knows by heart the exact spots he has to hit to take you to complete bliss.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves when you're on top of him. Watching your beautiful face from below, your boobs moving up and down, grabbing your ass... it's like poetry for him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Well, Zoro doesn't smile much in his normal activities, so the same applies to while having sex ajskajakaj he's usually more serious cause he takes being with you and pleasing you very seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Well, he's nearly a pirate so don't expect much ajdkajskaj but if you ask him he'll take care of it, cause he will honestly do anything for you.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It may be surprising, but he is so romantic. The thing is your relationship is very based on love and trust, so sex for you is really an intimate moment for you to share your deepest feelings with each other. He makes sure to show you how much he loves you by taking care of you and pleasing you the best way he can.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He jerks off thinking about fucking you from behind with you wearing a mini skirt Nami had lent you one day. Zoro was never the same after he saw you in that lmaooo the sight stuck to his mind so he often remembers it 👀

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay so hear me out: Zoro with a praise kink. Boy's had a rough past, so he appreciates every little act of kindness you do for him. He loves when you praise him and whisper sweet things in his ear, for how good he is or how nice he is doing. You can literally feel how much he enjoys that.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Your shared room at the Going Merry. The rush of having to be silent so that the other straw hats won't hear you turns him on even more.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your voice. He loves listening to you moaning and telling him how good he makes you feel, it's like music to his ears.

(In fact, anytime you're feeling mischievous and want to mess with his mind, you just use that sweet voice that you know will drive him crazy)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Degradation. Or hurting. Not at all. You were the best thing that ever happened to Zoro and he made sure to let you know that, so he wasn't going to call you names or any of that. Sex was also a very intimate and special moment between you two so he enjoyed you both exchanging only nice stuff.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves a good blowjob. Hell, he loves how good your mouth feels on his dick.

You love to see how he melts under your touch while you're sucking him off. He looks so pleased and makes such pretty noises moaning your name you want to keep going just to keep listening to that.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends. Zoro usually takes his time in pleasing both of you. But when he's a bit frustrated or angry and wants to release himself, he gets a bit rough, but never hurting you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He prefers the real thing, but whenever one of you is feeling needy, sure, he'll do quickies.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Zoro is a simple man: he gets to fuck you, he is happy. So usually risking and trying new things only happens when the idea comes from you (and you sure have good ideas very often *wink wink*).

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Several rounds. Your man's stamina is on point ajdkajskaj

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Zoro doesn't really like toys. He says just the both of you are enough to "feel really good". i mean are there even sex toys in the op universe i'll be in debt in this one ajskajakja

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He likes to go straight to the point so he doesn't tease much, except when he wants you to beg for it so he can hear that sweet sex voice of yours that he loves so much.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's not very loud, but he grunts a lot (and it's delicious for you to hear). He also frequently lets slip curse words in your ear when he's fucking you because he can't take all the pleasure.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

That time you were at Kaya's and he showed up wearing that suit? You could barely concentrate on dinner for how aroused you were seeing him in those clothes. He looked so. freaking. hot.

The second dinner was over and everyone went to sleep you pushed him to your bedroom and had him take his pants off so you could ride him like there was no tomorrow (suit still on of course cause you liked it ajdkajskaj).

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Let's just say those jokes about his fourth sword are actually true.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Zoro is horny for you all the time lol of course he understands there's a right time for everything but whenever he has the chance he wants to be with you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It doesn't take much for him to fall asleep. He'll do the job, feel good and then fall asleep for how tired he feels (but not before kissing your forehead and praising you for all that you did together 😉).

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[rat-rambles]

I'm gona explain to yall why I think Stanley is the one that's ace aro in cannon and not Ford or Bill. (Yes all head cannons are vaild blah blah I love acearo people I am one don't kill me)

So basically it comes down to if stan wanted some he could. Young stan seems to be considered relatively conventional attractive (not like ugly men don't mange to hook up but still) and even as a "ugly" old man he is the hottest old person in town befor Ford shows up and. Once he gets over his social awkwardness he is actually able to date he just isn't about that life. "What about Stanley's ex wife's" I hear you scream at your screens well thanks to Bill I have notes.

Thank you bill now could be lieing yes but frankly I don't think his god Alex would let that happen for something like this. Especially becuse it's way funnier if it's all cannon. Now I think 2 of them can be considered legitimate and there not exactly romantic are they. Stanley is well known to care more about money than any romantic relationship witch dosnt sound like some one who's not aro to me. I'll give that there are a couple jokes pokeing wholes in my theroy however personaly any atemps at straightness by stan just feel very performative to me. Like there's something a whole easy to about how stans masculinity is just a reaction to incurity but all I'll say for now is stan is despite to prove he's not a failure and part of growing up in the 80s and not being a failure is geting bitches. And yet he can't comit to a relationship for more than a few days and it's not for commitment isues bitch comited to a fucking portal for 30 years AFTER NEARLY FAILING HIGHSCHOOL. As I said if he wanted to he would.

Now I'm going to go on a long rant about Bill and Ford so if you don't want that stop now

Ok for the record staring off bill and ford are both unreliable narrators.

Ford (my first victim)

We've seen him get rejected twice in the show when he trying to flirt with girls the more famous one being when he gets punch thrown on him. Ford is a very scentive guy he can't handle rejection obvouly he's gona wax poetic about how it's not that he can't get any he's just you know so very busy. Funny how he's not busy when Bill comes into his life or fiddleford for that matter it's almost like that's not the problem

Now I can see how you can read this qa acearo core but all I hear is the autism talking. There is something intently funny to me about the idea that he stright up was dating a male sided demon and is like but am I gay. It's very conservative up bring of him very relatable. But seriously if he was ace aro he'd just lean into being superior not what ever this is.

Bill ( he wouldn't escape me)

Same thing yeah he wax poetic about chemicals witch yeah is something ace aros do but also like incels.

He literally is just asking dear not to ask him out a real problem when every freak reading this book wants to make out with him sorry Bill your hot shit.

The book is shaking you by the shoulders begging you to tell that he's lieing for clout. Bill is also begging you to take him seriously and he can't be serious if he can't even get any becuse he's a unlikeable losser.

Like I'm sorry guys the text just dosnt suport these 2 being acearo this is not the show for ace aro rep I'm sorry. This show is actually really really really obsessed with romantic relationships it's a well Alex keeps going back to witch is why I'm so sure about stanly becuse he's like the one character who actively rejects dating instead of just saying he's into into it. ITS GRAVITY FALLS EVERYONES A FUCKING LIAR.

[yanderepuck]

@lulu-the-smol-floof and I spent like 2 hours talking about the religions the guys were, so we looked it all up just to be sure. There are so many more arguments happening

Napoleon: was baptized into the Catholic faith as a child, however, he never became engrossed in the faith

Mozart: Catholic (and fairly religious)

Leonardo: more than likely Catholic. He referred to God as a supreme being. Could also be called a spiritual metaphysician.

Vincent: Protestant (father was priest, also nearly was a priest)

Theo: Protestant (father was priest)

Arthur: Catholic turned atheist(after studying medicine) then got interested in the occult.

Isaac: Born into an Anglican family, by his thirties held a Christian faith. Saw worshipping Christ as God was idolatry, to him the fundamental sin.

Jean: Catholic

Will: Protestant

Dazai: Christian but in the way that God is a punisher (in game possibly more Shinto since we see him in shrines)

Comte: He believes...in something

Sebastian: atheist but superstitious

Vlad: Eastern Roman Orthodox Catholic (going off Vlad in Impaler)

Faust: Protestant (was banned from churches tho)

Charles: Catholic

Drake: Protestant

Galileo: Roman Catholic (supported the church and hoped the church would support him, spoiler alert: they didn't)

~~

Fun lil thoughts now

Jean and Mozart are the only ones who go to church every Sunday.

Because here Leonardo is a pureblood, I think that maybe for a hot moment he was religious but very quickly turned his back on that.

Theo is SOOOOO mad that the three he hates the most are the only other Protestants. He's stuck with Will Faust and Drake.

Will actually grew up in the Church of England, which was possibly more Roman Catholic but when you look at his writing it reflects Protestant more.

Best part is that Faust is Protestant but Vlad has him working in a Catholic church. Vlad doesn't know the difference. Faust gives all his sermons in German and they aren't even sermons. He just bitches about this and gives out recipes, but Mozart is literally the only one who knows

Faust: I fucking hate this city. It's so dirty

Mozart: he's so right

Now bc they lean into Drake being more of a pirate, I don't think this man has much religion to him. He sticks to the pirate code. But I feel like if you showed him a sign of God he'd believe you.

Okay so Dazai. When we first talked about this we couldn't really find anything (I was honestly doing a quick Google search, not a deep dive), so we said he's probably Shinto, at least in game since we see him in shrines in some cgs. @tako-cafe informed me that he was first communist (when growing up) and then Christian, but int he way that God is here to punish/torture us bc humans themselves are sin and cannot escape it.

Arthur went atheist once he discovered science basically.

Isaac is actually right with the idolizing thing. It's actually blasphemous to have depictions of Jesus on a cross, or having a place dedicated to God. But that part sort of got lost bc obvs churches don't want you to know that. Also, he's just a god fearing man.

Isaac: going to church is a sin

Jean, across the room: ITS WHAT

That being said, Christmas Day, aka Isaac's birthday, Isaac and Arthur are the only ones at the mansion in the morning.

Dazai is going bc they have snacks. Sebastian is going because ..well.. we shouldn't trust them all to behave.

Back to Dazai. If we stick with him being Shinto, everyone in the mansion finds it weird as hell. Sebastian has to tell them that "no. This is actually the religion, not just weird things Dazai does"

Meanwhile Dazai is like "I need to go feed the frogs goldfish so that we have good weather"

Oh? Comte? Yeah. He believes. In what? He believes

Also, keep in mind that even tho that most of them are Catholic, they are all from different countries and time periods where being Catholic meant different things.

[ktvsf]

boynextdoor receiving oral

legal line x gn!reader ♡ nsfw ; mdni! ; wc ; 700+

ahh it's my first time writing anything in the last 3 years i think sjsjshshs please let me know if you guys liked it or not!

sungho ; ahh sungho is the most loving and caring person ever, like i can never imagine him being even a little mean to you or going harder on you, he just doesn't want to hurt you but when you mentioned that you would love him to call you his stupid doll and fuck you like he's never before, he would be in utter shock; eyes flickering looking for any hesitation but when he saw none, his dick twitched in his pants at the image of you on all four, crying, not being able to form any clear sentence just because he's fucking you so good? let's just say that he would waste no time taking you to his bed and ripping all your clothes off of you but leaving your panties on cus you look cute.

riwoo ; I feel like riwoo would be a little shy at first, not that shy that he wouldn't even look at you but he would be a little embarrassed to make any louder noises other than quiet breaths and moans here and there. but that wouldn't last long, especially since in between sucking his dick clean, you would tell him how much you love to hear him enjoying himself, and that would send the poor boy into pure bliss, nearly finishing at that second. also please praise him after he finishes, make sure to say how good he is and how handsome he looks because I know this boy, out of all of them, would be in a very deep subspace to even think straight :((

jaehyun ; STOP because the way I need him is really concerning and it's not healthy for me :( anyways jaehyun getting his dick sucked? bro, he would be such a mess the second you put your tongue on his tip and your hands travelled on his bare hips and thighs. hands pushing your head to take him all, fingers tangled into your hair occasionally scratching your head, his body flexing every time his cock hits the back of your throat. he's a head pusher, and in the heat of the moment, he sometimes forgets how strong his hold on your head and hair can be but he never fails to apologize to you for hurting you in any way and even though you always tell him you don't mind being pushed and it doesn't hurt, he always makes up for it while going down on you, tracing his finger along your every curve, whispering how beautiful you look spread wide open just for him.

taesan ; he's handsome and he knows it and I do believe he has two moods while being sucked. one is soft taesannie who's not afraid to moan for you, tell you how pretty you are and how good your lips feel wrapped around his dick. he's literally so in love with you and he's gonna show it, making you stand up just so he can kiss your lips and wipe your tears, he literally looks at you with hearts in his eyes. but then, when he's stressed before an important award show or when he's angry at himself for making mistakes and not being able to write any good lyrics, he's gonna be a little mean to you, "fuck, keep going doll' his hand wouldn't leave your head also, "look at you baby, you love when I use you like this, huh?". when he's like that, sex would be a bit rougher and more aggressive but he won't forget to pamper you with kisses and cuddles after. after all, you're his babygirl so he wouldn't hurt you in any way.

leehan ; leehan is one cocky motherfucker, hands in your hair, small sighs and whimpers coming out of his mouth. at first, he would be, especially confident, saying how cute and pretty your mouth looks around his cock, but the longer you kept working on his tip, the more he couldn't believe how good you make him feel and all he could do was moan your name and whisper, the whole time, little incoherent sentences that only he could understand. overall, he didn't expect you to be this good, especially when we're talking about your guys' first time together, but you left him even more hot and bothered than before so you better prepare yourself for a long night. also imagine him looking down at you while smirking and thinking to himself how precious you are on your knees, mascara running down your cheeks and all this just for him

[godlytemperance]

npmd headcanons because my brain is rotted <3 <3

heehee hoohoo i am rotating the entirety of hatchetfield in my brain

im updating this as i think of more stuff so bear with me if this gets stupidly long

richie has audhd. i know this because he is me i am him we are EACH OTHER /j

ruth and richie met in the anime section of barnes and noble in middle school and nearly screamed when they realized they were going to the same high school later on

steph is lactose intolerant and is not brave about it ever. tries to share a hot chocolate with pete and spends the next three hours miserable

grace is doomed to kill in every timeline but it can be prevented by her best friends keeping her too occupied with mundane nonsense for her to find a gun

richie has so much tboy cringe energy. that man kins sasuke you cannot tell me i'm wrong

i have hit them all with my transgender and gay beam >:3c they're the friend group that hit their gender and sexuality realizations in waves. someone's egg cracked first (richie) and it set off a chain reaction

pete is genderfluid and usually presents masc (he/they)

bi with no strong preference either way

only recently began to dabble with femininity in his gender presentation

steph is gnc transmasc (he/she, used interchangeably)

bi with a masc preference

no matter who you are, if you have a crush on steph, you're gay. them's the rules pal

richie is transmasc (he/it)

aroace spectrum! he's demi on both ends, fluctuates pretty often.

somehow incredibly perceptive to romance unless it directly involves him, then he's as dense as a brick

ruth is a girlthing because she's swag like that (she/it/they)

pan with a fem preference

her preferred type is pathetic mascs and intimidating fems

grace is fem-presenting nonbinary (she/they)

formerly closeted lesbian

had the WORST case of comphet until she realized she didn't necessarily have to be attracted to MEN to be attracted to masculinity :3

max is transfem (she/he)

she's a butch lesbian!!! she doesn't feel pressured to be hyper-feminine after realizing she's trans, because she's already pretty happy with her outward presentation

saw all her new friends going through their various gender and sexuality realizations and is just "i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me :)" (it did)

OH also paul is richie's uncle! richie's dad is paul's older brother. they don't interact much but it is literally Autism to Autism

if the group were to fall victim to any of the Lords in Black, it'd probably be as follows:

max - wiggly. rage hatred biting nightmare nightmare >:3

steph - nibbly. he's got the closest ties to the CotSC and also we need more nibbly rep

pete - tinky. duh. probs gets trapped in the box in timelines where steph dies before him and he desperately wants to bring her back

richie - blinky. idk it's just vibes to me. he seems like the kind of guy to go nuts for eye symbolism

ruth - pokey. she's a theater kid and i think that pokey would have a field day shoving her into the fucked up and evil spotlight

grace - all of them. they take turns babysitting her in various timelines. she is their favorite child

richie 100% uses anime terminology to describe normal ass situations. he calls steph a tsundere once and steph has to act like her world wasn't just shifted two inches to the left for the rest of the day

oh also in redemption timelines they have movie / bingewatch nights!! they cycle between everyone's favorite shows or films. it's the best part of their week every single time

max was cast as a leading role the one and only time she ever auditioned for theater and it freaked her out so much that she declined the role

richie's hair is Like That because he tried to get the cool anime spiky hairstyle to work for him (it didn't) (he doesn't realize this until college)

pete was a greek mythology girlie i just know this. something about him screams "i read percy jackson way too much as a kid"

after grace realizes she doesn't have to be a "perfect" christian, she swears like a sailor

also grace hand embroiders all her clothes as a hobby! (this is semi-canon, since she has embroidered strawberries on the cuffs of her jeans in the show)

the first time steph smoked ouid, he made the mistake of using cbd oil and a pipe at the same time. man was in SPACE

all of them are poly with each other but at different levels:

steph and pete are Dating dating. so are max and grace. wholesome yaoi VS toxic yuri

ruth and steph are almost definitely "best friends" in the historical sense

richie and ruth are qpp. if they were both 100% straight they'd probably be the most annoying couple in the world

pete and richie kiss sometimes but its genuinely platonic for them. just bros being bros (they are so deeply in love and neither of them realize it until years later)

ruth and pete are friends to ??? to lovers to friends who cuddle sometimes

richie and steph are polar opposites but they love each other to death. black cat and orange cat kind of relationship

max and grace barely intersect with the nerds but they still consider all four of them to be part of their weird situationship

(grace definitely experimented with all four of them, with max's permission. just to be Sure. y'know.)

max is doing her best to make amends with the nerds but it is very slow going. she has gotten to casual fistbump level with them though!

the nerds usually just look at max and grace from the sidelines like they're watching two wild beasts circling each other in their enclosure. their flirting is NOT rated pg and it still baffles them how the local prude and the highschool football star managed to get together

richie unintentionally dropped the fact that he has a fursuit - a timberwolf, because i'm projecting - and ended up helping everyone design their fursonas. pete is a traditional chimera (goat, snake, and lion), steph is a plain black cat, ruth is a flemish giant rabbit (she did research), grace is a sheep, and max is a checkered-tail nighthawk.

any time that the group gets spam calls, all they have to do is hand the phone to ruth and they get taken off the lists the moment she speaks. ruth was frustrated by it at first but it became a game of "how many companies can i inconvenience before they stop calling hatchetfield numbers entirely"

steph braided pete's hair once and he damn near proposed on the spot

ruth knows how to sew (from doing tech) and helps teach max how to mend her clothes! max ends up being really good at it! she goes on to teach the entire football team how to fix their uniforms and ruth ends up being the honorary team favorite for at least a year

im taking jon matteson's "richie should have blue hair in a movie version of NPMD" and fucking sprinting with it. he dyes his hair at least once a year and it's a wildly different color every time

ruth is the kind of gal to love games with lots of violence because it makes her feel like a badass vigilante (she can barely do a push-up in real life) (just like me)

steph is deeply afraid of large bodies of water. major L on his part seeing as he lives on a fucking island

bouncing off of the above hc, pete's afraid of planes. these two can't travel out of hatchetfield without one of them nearly shaking out of their own skin

max doesn't actually like football that much. she's REALLY good at it, yeah, but she'd prefer to play most other sports even if she isn't good at them! she likes the challenge of doing something she won't automatically win!

grace probably writes lists of things to keep everything in order. she's got lists of all her favorite foods, a checklist of daily chores, etc etc (it's also because she's got undiagnosed autism and she functions better when she has a Routine)

no matter what, pete will always stop and talk to the homeless man downtown. he doesn't really know why, though. (ted wishes he could say something to pete, but he never does. best to keep him at arms length.)

ruth really really really reeaaaally wants to cosplay but she's nervous that she'll be deemed as the "cringy weirdo" by other con-goers. she eventually admits this to richie, who rallies the group into a group cosplay for moral support

it takes a lot of convincing for them to find a fandom they all want to cosplay from. they settled on FNAF, specifically security breach bc it's Timely (they go to the con in 2022)

pete is glamrock freddy, steph is monty, ruth is glamrock chica, and max is roxy!

richie was glamrock bonnie and he gets so mad when the official design comes out a year later bc it was completely different than what he imagined

grace eventually agrees to dress up as vanessa (she never played the games) (she thinks FNAF is a real animatronic restaurant) (everyone they meet thinks she's method acting)

they end up crashing at ruth's place absolutely DRAINED. they all have imprints on their arms from carrying around an absurd amount of merch. pete nearly started a fistfight in the parking lot with a bakugo cosplayer. max nearly finished it.

they all agreed that it was one of the best things they've ever done and also to Never Do It Again

richie had a brief phase where he was obsessed with black butler and he regrets it to this day

grace and max both have scary dog energy but in different directions. max (post-transition) looks really intimidating at first glance but she's got golden retriever energy. grace will stare at you with the scariest fucking eyes if you're mean to retail employees

steph has always wanted a pet, but her dad never allowed it. when he moves out and gets an apartment with the nerds, they all agree to rescue a pair of bonded cats for his birthday. steph doesn't stop crying for at least an hour

steph and pete named one of the cats, while ruth and richie picked the other one's name.

Mittens is the Lautski baby, a black and white girlie who is incapable of mischief. she's like the disney ideal of a cat. she's a cuddle monster and will be so sad if you have to get up and do things without her

ruth and richie are the proud coparents of Sir Jotaro Gooberton (the Third). he is the most stupid tabby you will ever meet in your life and he has made the crime rate in the household go up tenfold.

a very common Lautski date night is going to the candle section of walmart and just sniffing every single one of those bad boys until they get a headache

[prettysymbiosis]

frank vs. russia

starting the episode in media res and the circular storytelling!! the writing in this episode is really good overall, just so clever and inventive and effective. go off megan

“you ARE ready. everything you need is already inside you” sunny is ready to do a gay, gay-ass love story you guys. the gays are already inside it

titling it frank vs. russia when that’s clearly the b-plot? because we’re burying the lead? because we’re telling lies???

the denny’s shirt…

“aren’t you like 60?” misogyny is so sad 😞

dennis ANYBODY can get a guy to bang them ONCE reynolds

everyone wants dennis’ help but who will help dennis? :(

when mac says “it’s VERY romantic” dennis literally smacks the counter like… yikes

“one day he will and it is going to be hot” - I choose to believe this means that rcg think old man yaoi is hot and they are excited to show it :)

sunnyblr university is producing so many brilliant scholars who understand the significance of the beads as a metaphor for queerness and whether the audience is in or out and how it doesn’t matter because the queerness is all the way in and as of this episode it’s been turned up to full blast and leads us to a resounding victory. I’m just rehashing what others have said but I wanted to make sure I include it with my notes from this episode because it really is such a central idea and yet one that can be so easily missed by someone who isn’t reading the show like this... ugh the duality of sunny will never cease to confound me

dee calling mac out like yes bitch get his ass!! (so to speak)

uncle fucking jack walks in saying “they dropped all those charges weeks ago” - playdate EW - “I don’t– I don’t have any ice cream” - “shut UP dude, that’s gross, man”

charlie is so PRECIOUS in his little outfit and glasses

is he schizophrenic? I wonder if that will come up again or if it was just a throwaway joke

violent heterosexual shushing from dennis

the backing track of the sinned system/date scene is “in the hall of the mountain king” and it’s just so fucking classic sunny and so perfect

how did mac show patrick that he needed his power? and how did he engage physically?? we need to know these things!!!

kaitlin’s whole performance in the date scene is so fucking good

“the person who made him feel powerful, but also powerless.” the macdennis of it all is truly overwhelming sometimes

 the person whose validation he’s been seeking his entire life :/

“it worked” jesus christ mac

“well yeah but listen, the dennis system is a system for getting a woman. this is a system for getting a man, and that’s why sinned is actually dennis backwards!!” when I first watched this episode I was high as balls and sick with anticipation and this whole bit nearly pushed me over the edge. I mean he basically just straight up says that it’s bad for him to like men (sin) after explaining a tried-and-true system for getting them???

and then mac and dee are like “what are the chances??” and dennis is like HIGH >:( because they don’t see it. they don’t see it even though it’s been plain as day the whole time :(

dennis: “I’m still buzzin from last night” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

AND I HAVE TO BE WITH HIM oh baby boy I pray you will be

the nastiness in dennis’ voice when he says “well no, see, that’s the thing – johnny doesn’t love you. he doesn’t even like you.” glenn I’m scared of you

“they ARE my favorite” he wanted mac to realize :( and yes the crabs are deeply metaphorical

“yeah, because I AM johnny” “then who’s dennis?” “what do you mean?!” “well if you’re johnny, then who– who’s you?” one of the best sunny exchanges of all time!!!!!!!! I cannot overstate how much I love this dialogue. it just captures so much about them so succinctly go off megan!!!!!

“I can’t engage with you on this right now” great delivery rob, so funny

does dennis want to control frank like a pawn bc he felt like that’s what frank did to him? or he’s just frustrated at mac and wants a situation he feels in control of?

kaitlin’s “... yeah” when dennis asks if dee has more pills is just so funny I keep remembering it and laughing randomly

“we’re gonna need to turn the lights out.” GLENN I’M SCARED OF YOU

the POV Being Frank throwback! I love the tossing of the clothes and the blackness and the sound of the door, cool little sequence

charlie’s such a good cheerleader 🥹 his little point is so funny

do you ever wonder what danny devito might be doing with his career if he wasn’t pretending to be split in half by giant vibrating anal beads on it’s always sunny in philadelphia??

“you don’t have to do this” this one speaks for itself I think.

dennis and uncle jack, two sexual deviants having a laugh in the van :| (also the van situation is so classic sunny obvs)

mrs. mac saying “nice” god there are just so many hilarious little character beats in this episode

“I DON’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO TELL YOU!!!” :( what’s in the texts rcgm

macdennis fightin :)

the full-blast alarm sound effect just gets me every time like to me that is peak comedy

The Burning Heart by Survivor is kind of macdennis coded tbh… “It's a primitive clash venting years of frustrations / Bravely we hope against all hope / There is so much at stake” “Does the crowd understand?” “Though his body says ‘stop!’ his spirit cries ‘never!’ (omg) / Deep in our soul a quiet ember knows it's you against you” like sorry if this song was supposed to be for straight people but it’s not anymore

so there’s something there about what’s acceptable and going full blast. the mommy issues are now explicit. dennis is bisexual. and he chose to have a romantic and sexual relationship with mac while pretending to be someone else, to the point that mac was in love with this other version of him. and he was so mad mac didn’t realize that he actually played his hand and told him, and mac still couldn’t accept it, upsetting dennis further. wtf man these homos are INSANE

[clickclicklogin]

sick and tired of this fandom watering down characters like justin and alejandro as "hot men whose roles are nothing more than to look hot".

justin was a professional model when he first appeared on total drama. he was admired by the other contestants and used his looks to get further in the game, which was very evident in action.

i completely understand liking justin and/or alejandro for their looks, it's slightly part of the reason why i like them too, but there's also so much more to them than their looks.

in action, he found his "attraction" to be fading, as shown when lindsay, beth, and courtney don't fall for his charms. he's desperate to change that, which eventually led to his downfall when he tried to convince courtney to date him.

he was severely injured as a result from the fairy tale, and he left without anybody that cared for him and a modeling career destroyed. in the spy episode, it literally showed justin nearly having a breakdown from a cut/bruise (i forgot which was it, but i was a minor injury) and thinking his modeling career was over.

and when he got eliminated in action, nobody even said goodbye to him. the most that was given to him was a non-sympathetic wave of goodbye from courtney.

with alejandro, his backstory is more talked about, specifically in all stars.

in the episode where the hamsters and vultures have to wrestle opponents on the wheel, alejandro is forced to fight his brother, jose. he is clearly pissed as fuck by even being in jose's presence.

jose was known as the "better brother" by literally everyone. this caused alejandro to feel inferior to jose, and i'm pretty sure that's been that way ever since he was born.

in the final world tour episode, it is also said that alejandro hates being called "al" simply because jose calls him that. he hates it so much to the point he got owen eliminated because he called him al. he was distracted by cody in the finale because he kept calling alejandro "al", which just proves how much he hates the nickname.

i understand why people may like him for his looks, but it's so annoying how people just think of him as a handsome guy.

also, when alejandro got transferred into the celebrity manhunt robot by chris, nobody tried searching for him. not heather, not even his family. he was stuck like that, for like, what, a year? maybe even more? depending on the gap between world tour and revenge of the island.

he was alone, isolated from any human contact for more than a year...that is incredibly traumatizing and undeserved, no matter how much you hate him.

my point is, even though characters like justin and alejandro are meant to be attractive and use it to boost their placement in the game, they have so much more personality and backstory behind that.

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[bittrlys]

THE GOOD

Viren and Harrow scene

CRAB SHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Young Viren

Viren selfcest (<- stream of consciousness note that I stand by, he needs to learn to love himself)

Aaravos and Viren had a baby <3 (I like that this twist about the child to save him only works for people who weren't already joking about this being their lovechild all last season)

The heavyhanded diaogue is lol but its nice to see Viren's internal journey ("DAD I'M FOLLOWING IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS" guys you really could have just shown that. But I guess Viren is literal even with his metaphors. I forgive him.)

Viren zoned the fuck out half the season still the best part of the show. But like I love the sense of crushing realization and weight of his thoughts. King of thinking <3

Nice to see Claudia also getting to do cool complicated things

Viren and Claudia literally carry the dramatic weight of the series on their shoulders -tm my friend

I appreciate that Terry continues to be down to clown

This blood elf assassin is hot ♥

I like the water elf design the coral horns are cool (and he looks like a Critical Role character)

I always love pirate towns so that's cool! And some brief actual intense stakes with the pirate captain.

Aaravos. FULL STOP. Like 10 lines of dialogue and he served with them all!

"If you see Claudia again tell her I said ..... hi" hahaa

THE BAD

The Rayllum (what was Callum even apologizing for?? Rayla just genuinely does not seem to like him.)

Janai immediately pivots in her belief because only villains are allowed to stick by their reasonable positions which oppose the desires of the main characters

Again, what changed Tidebound Tina's perspective and made her help them??? Characters will truly just change perspectives in a second if they're meant to be 'good' and not defy the main characters

Ezran is so entitled. Rayla is like oh this boat is a bad idea he's immediately like "WE NEED THAT ONE!" and then proceeds to get them all nearly murdered by pirates for some tadpoles and does not apologize at all.

That being said it seems the show just isn't that interested in Ezran or Rayla

Would it have killed them to include a scene showing why Rayla decides to show up and save the day in finale? She has no arc.

I understand the conclusion that Callum came to with ocean magic but I don't believe his process of getting there.

Can Janai do her damn job all she's ever shown doing is hanging out in her pyjamas pining and being in love. Tied with Zubeia who just hangs about talking about her husband and son all day.

THE UGLY

STOP WITH THIS DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS SHIT (why would the Archdragon of the Ocean give a damn about a human ruler? But like Oh! We Have To Respect A King!)

They show up to the library with only FIVE HOURS TO SUNSET instead of idk camping outside the city until the next dawn and coming in then. And then leave directly at sunset instead of giving themselves like an hour of wiggle room. Unreal!

They can't even let these entitled main characters even THINK Amaya died for their arrogance Like they can't even feel guilt about it for five seconds.

What's the point of having a deus ex machina dragon you insert in every scene to save their asses (god I need Zubeia dead) if she's just going to stand there and do literally nothing while Amaya is attacked. Rewatch that scene camera never cuts to Zubeia's face to even show her idk considering it? Being unable to help? Just get rid of this dragon already she weakens the plot to an absurd degree.

Zubeia surviving. Full stop.

Thunder killed off this group of elves for the crime of uhhhh doing weird blood rituals? Moonshadow elves (Thunder's personal hit squad) do blood rituals. Thunder just loves massacring any group of people who defy his tyranny.

It's surreal that Xadians NEVER comment on the humans in their midst like the show will not draw attention to the fact that humans are othered + marginalized. It perpetually feels like the writers are backtracking on lore they previously established because they don't want to make Xadians look bad.

Like I can believe a criminal port is full of all elements but this happens elsewhere in Xadia. Even the Archdragon of Ocean doesn't address the fact that Ezran is a human.

But it's not like the differences between humans and Xadians aren't noted because humans (like Amaya) still have to constantly grovel for Xadian approval + forgiveness. Like for WHAT. Should Amaya have to apologize to Rayla anymore than Rayla should apologize for coming to assassinate a 10-year-old Ezran in season 1?

for fucking tadpoles?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Callum, Rayla, and Ezran are UNSYMPATHETIC protagonists they literally will never face any consequences for any of their actions. Nothing really goes wrong for them -- they're always saved from trouble and they get everything ultimately handed them. They are supremely privileged, entitled people. Meanwhile Viren and Claudia go through 19 layers of hell just trying to get 1 thing done.

Overall I'd say it was better than season 4! 👍👍👍

[riddle-me-ri]

Riddlers Reacting to Reader Wearing A “TikTok” Dress

A/N: okay so a few things:

1) This was one of my first original ideas for headcanons when I first decided to write fanfics again, so I’m excited to feel confident enough to write it rip (this is also one of the more self indulgent ideas I’ve had so bare with me)

2) Heidi Lavon owns my tiktok, so it’s my job to bless you with her content here’s her in the dress:

3) It’s called the Carmen Dress and it has a $300 price tag on god save queens

4)  As I mentioned this is 100% self indulgent, so sorry for ALL the errors, this idea has been brewing in my mind for months until I couldn’t hide it anymore, so if it reads like rambles…that’s why lol

( Also, I mention it in only one or two headcanons, but ALL these bastards would ask if it comes in green (unfortunately it doesn’t but I’ll be damned if a couple these guys won’t try and make it happen) also this all takes place in private)

Trigger Warnings: heavy suggestiveness (I mean...look at the dress) and strong language (I have a sailor mouth, sorry not sorry)

Batman the Animated Series Riddler:

- Congratulations, you’ve made this goofball speechless

- No literally, man looks like a fish out of water

- Eyes wide, mouth opening and closing. Stuck between catching his breath and trying to form a coherent sentence. 

- Oh God, you’re walking closer to him?!

- The man’s face is as red as a tomato and he’s as hot to the touch as a furnace

- He’s finally able to start rambling off compliments

- You’re stunning, ravishing, gorgeous, enchanting…

- He’s a chuckling mess as you wrap yourself around him

- Becomes speechless again as he realizes just how little you’re actually wearing

- Your body is at the mercy of this measly fabric

- It takes him a minute, but he gets his suavity back once the surprise wears off

- You are beautiful there was never any doubts about that, but now that you’ve teased him he wants to see all of you

Capullo/Zero Year Riddler:

- Well, hellloooo~~

- The fuck you’ve been hiding this piece for?

- He absolutely loves what’s going on in the front, straight up licking his lips.

- The back could use some work though, not nearly as revealing as it could be

- You better hold this dress close to you, he’s not opposed to making some “alterations”

- Does it come in green? 

- Adores showing you off in it, look how hot my partner is! 

- He appreciates the piece, it accentuates everything he loves about you, and can love a good tease

- But he also thinks you just being in your underwear would suffice

- Or really nothing at all

- (wait omg are you commando right now in the dress?)

- Ow, don’t hit him that hurt!

The War of Jokes and Riddles (twojar) Riddler:

- Oh shit

- Sexy and sophisticated, he’s here for it!

- Reveals just enough to be enticing but hides the right amount to tease

- His hands are instantly caressing the sheer parts of the dress

- He’s already mapping out what the dress shows so he’s sure to leave hickeys later (or right now)

- Also asks if it comes in green, possessive buff leprechaun prick.

- If you mention there are similar dresses available in different varieties, he’s all here for it.

- Like, babe, you have his card and bank information, you don’t need to ask (you didn’t when you bought this dress, so what the hell?)

- Will absolutely show you off to literally anyone and everyone, so better not be shy! 

- They can look but if they even try to touch they’re dead.

Gotham City Sirens Riddler:

- Another connoisseur of the sexy and sophisticated look the dress provides. 

- He’s a proud grinning bastard

- Inquires where you got the dress and just how long were you going to keep this a secret from him

- Oh you’re just trying it on?

- Let him help you take it off~

- What? He’s being a gentlemen! He is reformed you know. 

- (but not in that category)

- Hands are immediately on you and show no sign of pulling them away

- Fingers running along the track of black fabric on your back

- If you’re his assistant at his private investigator firm, he is debating possibly changing your dress code

- Too much? Yes, you’re probably right, this view is for his eyes only

- Maybe you two could set up a private visit to his office though, hm?

Dano Riddler:

- He’s stunned

- Frozen like a deer in headlights

- His brain is short-circuiting between how gorgeous you look but also how the dress is even like fitting right now?

- How is it even on your body? Wait that’s sheer material? He thought that was just skin

- His face blooms in a bright red when you invite him to touch the material so he can feel it. 

- Eyes constantly raking over your form up and down, up and down.

- When he finally finds the strength to go up to you and touch you, he’s gone.

- Roaming his hands up and down, all around your body. 

- He’s absolutely breathless, constantly taking sharp inhales every once in awhile

- He’s just in awe, he already thinks you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, but you were able to surprise him yet again.

- No one else is allowed to see you in this but him, he wants this to just be for him (and you’re more than happy to oblige) 

- (suck it, bruce wayne! My partner is more gorgeous than any of your flings!) 

Gotham Riddler:

- Oh hello there~ (calm down obi wan)

- His eyes are wide to saucers and his mouth falls open

- But only for a second, before he’s absolutely grinning like a cat that caught the canary

- He walks up to you, his full attention on you. 

- Warm brown eyes scanning your figure up and down, almost like a predator to prey

- But the way you look is absolutely killing him in the best way

- He’s committing this image to his mind, you know he has a photographic memory

- He genuinely thought with his times at GCPD and his experiences as the Riddler, he’s seen it all

- Like Dano Riddler, he’s quite impressed with how you manage to surprise him with your beauty, yet again.

Arkhamverse Riddler:

- Deadass did a double take.

- He walked past you, barely giving you a glance (like usual), but he must’ve seen your lack of clothing in his peripheral.

- What’re you trying to do? Distract him? You know how much that frustrates him!

- Once the haze of annoyance he’s usually in goes away as he takes in the rest of the dress…

- The man’s a stuttering puddle. 

- “W-W-What are you wearing? I-It’s not even a dress! N-No! I…I do like it..”

- You give him a small 360 twirl so he can get a full view.

- You can’t help but grin at the sharp gasp of air he took and tried to hide.

- Man is struggling, quick wrap your arms around him, his bravado is DOWN

- His tired eyes have glossed over and he’s absolutely puddy in your hands

- Once his brain starts sparking again, he shucks off his gloves so his rough hands can touch your soft skin. 

- He gasps again at just how little is hidden and how thin the material is.

- Stunning, radiant, gorgeous…so many words but they fall short as you take his breath away

- Congrats, you’ve done something even the Bat has never done…rendered Edward Nygma absolutely speechless

Telltale Riddler:

- This ornery asshole.

- He’ll rake his eyes over you and give you a little “hmph”

- He’ll shrug it off, he doesn’t see the reason for it when you can just parade around in your underwear and get the same reaction

- But don’t let it fool you, he is absolutely warming up and “getting” up as you saunter around the room

- He does appreciate the cheekiness of the dress, revealing just the right amount to make you still wonder

- He’ll keep up his indifferent front for as long as he can.

- Until you straddle the puzzle grandpa. 

- He has no choice but to appreciate it now, how what little fabric hugs your skin, and just how little you’re actually wearing

- Just don’t tell him the price tag, sweetheart, he’ll have an absolute boomer fit.

- ($300? You can just walk around the lair naked for free?!)

Young Justice Riddler:

- Uhh, yeah no he’s dead.

- Congrats you’ve killed him without laying a finger on him

- Shaking him might work…

- Once he’s conscious, he’s still sort of brain dead. 

- His lisp and stutters are amplified to the -nth degree

- He’s not even making words at this point. 

- You’ve broken him, way to go

- You try to reach out for him and talk to him

- Poor baby will literally scurry away

- H-he doesn’t deserve this, to see you dressed like this, looking so stunning

- W-what do you mean you’re wearing this for him?

- He barely feels worthy to kiss you, hold you, see you in a bikini/swimwear

- But this?? Really?

- It’s going to take him a minute, but once the initial shock is over, he’ll warm up to touching you and interacting with you in the dress

- He is torn between asking you to wear this only for his eyes or wear it when y’all go out

- Like he wants to show you off so he can see the gorgeous partner he pulled, but also like doesn’t want you to garner any unwanted attention (n-not that he wouldn’t protect you..but..like…you’ve seen him)

[sshbpodcast]

Bottom Five Star Trek ENT Episodes

by Ames

Everyone’s allowed to admit they’re wrong sometimes, and your hosts here at A Star to Steer Her By take back a lot of the credit we’ve given to Star Trek: Enterprise over the years. Guys, we’re sorry to say it’s just not that good a show. And sure, there are a couple beacons of hope in the darkness, but as a full series it doesn’t capitalize on its merits nearly as often as it should, and the mixed messages can be frankly insulting.

From the terrible theme song, to the constant sexualization of T’Pol, to the strange characterization of its captain as just an angry angry man, to whatever the hell went horribly wrong with the third season, there’s a lot to turn your nose up at in this show. So cringe along with us as we give the big thumbs down to the worst episodes of the show as you read along below and listen to our banter over on the podcast (jump to 1:32:58 for the series wrap) where guest star Liz provides some added flavor. It turns out we really didn’t have faith of the heart after all!

[images © CBS/Paramount]

“Bounty”: Caitlin While the A plot of this episode with the Tellarite bounty hunter is perfectly serviceable, it’s the B plot that warrants a place on this list. For no goddamn reason, T’Pol is going through pon farr, a plot device we’ve been railing against for years. Okay, there was a reason after all: to sexually exploit T’Pol as this show is wont to do as much as it can get away with. It’s just disgusting how much Enterprise makes Jolene Blalock run around in her underwear just to titillate the teenage boys they really wanted to appeal to.

“Carpenter Street”: Jake What a waste of time. Literally! It may not have specifically made our worst time travel stories list, but it’s definitely pointless to force us to watch such a boring and convoluted romp around present-day Detroit to stop some Xindi from something or other. Really, anything in the Temporal Cold War arc is a hot mess. And combining that with the Xindi War makes it all the more baffling. Further, opting to bring T’Pol of all people back in time is a terrible decision, Archer. You’re lucky you have plot immunity, cap’n.

“Damage”: Chris “I’m about to step over a line, a line I thought I would never cross. And given the nature of our mission, it probably won’t be the last,” says Archer, nineteen episodes into season three. After he’s not only crossed the line countless times, but shat on it and did a little jig. In the shit. So claiming that it’s not until he steals a warp coil from the Illyrians that he’s crossed the line is just blatant hypocrisy. Oh, and this is also the episode where we learn T’Pol is a drug addict for purely illogical reasons. What a shitshow.

“Harbinger”: Ames Oh hey, you know what was one of the previous horrible things Archer did before “Damage” but apparently didn’t count as “crossing the line”? Torturing a random sphere builder he found even though he had no proof this guy was bad. At fucking all. And there’s more shit to this episode! It’s got Reed being a big baby because he unfoundedly thinks Hayes wants his job. It’s got T’Pol being a big baby because she thinks Trip might like Amanda Cole instead of her. Everyone’s just a big baby this episode!

“Cogenitor”: Chris Frequently, Enterprise gets the ethical lesson you’d expect out of a Star Trek episode entirely backwards. This is one of those times. Trip spends the episode standing up for an oppressed person who has requested sanctuary, but Archer doesn’t want to risk the new best friendship he’s made with their people, so he throws Charles back to the wolves where they inevitably kill themself. And somehow Trip is supposed to be the baddie? Not Archer, who doesn’t even feel bad? What message are we trying to send?

“Dear Doctor”: Ames Oh look, another time Enterprise puts its ethics on backwards and inside out. This utterly infuriating episode turns Archer and Phlox into genocidal monsters who then pat themselves on the back afterwards for handling the situation so diplomatically. Phlox should be ashamed of himself for being a doctor who spreads misinformation about how evolution works, and when Archer tries to question him, convinces the captain of his deplorably bad science. He HAS the cure, and refuses to save an entire race. It’s vomit inducing.

“Broken Bow”: Caitlin The whole series starts off on the wrong foot with a pilot episode that’s just a hot mess. The plot is almost unfollowable because there are just so many elements to keep track of. None of them interesting. In the very first few scenes alone: the time travel nonsense is just confounding; with maybe the exception of Trip, none of the characters holds our attention; and when we’re not confused by whatever’s going on, we’re just bored, which is a huge sin for a series premiere.

“Precious Cargo”: Caitlin, Jake We start seeing some overlap from your hosts in the episodes that are truly truly terrible. This disgusting retread of “The Perfect Mate,” which was disgusting enough on its own, is further tainted by some really shoddy acting from our First Monarch, a laughable portrayal of Archer and T’Pol incompetently playing good cop / bad cop, and a romance subplot so forced that we couldn’t even enjoy watching two very pretty people going to town on each other because we were rolling our eyes too hard!

“Hatchery”: Ames, Caitlin Don’t worry, we have more bad ethics the show is spouting to go through before the end of this list! For a hot second, it seems like Archer is doing the right thing and trying to save Insectoid hatchlings because it’s the moral thing to do, even in war, and everyone else is wrong to mutiny against him. But we should not have had that level of faith in this show. Instead, Archer’s mind has been manipulated by some goo or other, of course! He was wrong to want to save innocent babies! And he’s the hero of this show, FFS.

“These Are the Voyages…”: Caitlin, Chris, Jake The taste the show leaves in your mouth, when all is said and done, is whatever Chef Riker cooked up in the unexpected series finale. Making the last episode a de facto TNG episode is the wrong choice, as it strips away the ownership of the show from the actual characters as if punishing them for being bad. In fact, they don’t even technically appear in the finale at all because they’re a program on the holodeck! And to kill off Trip – the fan favorite character! – so unceremoniously! Did they hate their own fans?

“Fusion”: Ames, Chris, Jake Like Deanna Troi and Seven of Nine before her, T’Pol gets to get violated for the sake of an episode – and bad episode at that! We’re already pretty sick of watching the women characters have their agency stripped away all the time because the story tells them so. So to watch the usually strong-willed science officer  forced out of her comfort zone and used as a plaything by the worst Vulcan we’ve met (redemption for Vorik, I guess?) is just torture to watch. And the asshole sees no consequences either! Ugh!

“Bound”: Ames, Chris, Jake Like in DS9’s “Profit and Lace,” an attempt to seem progressive backfires so abysmally that we’re appalled by its tone deafness. It’s okay that Orion women are enslaved as sex workers because they’re secretly in charge! The episode treats that perplexing retcon like it’s female empowerment, while simultaneously turning all the men into drooling idiots whenever a woman is around. And unlike TAS’s “The Lorelei Signal,” the women don’t even take charge. Trip does! What a slap in the tits.

—

See also: our Top Five Star Trek Enterprise Episodes list. And if you want more: here’re all the past seasonal tops and bottoms from seasons 1, 2, 3, and 4!

Well folks, it’s been a long road, but we’re finally done with Enterprise. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to move on to anything but this, even if that means slogging through the Abramsverse and the streaming era. But at least those shows reward war crimes slightly less. So keep your ears on SoundCloud or whatever podcast platform you like, talk to us through our universal translator on Facebook and Twitter, and go where your heart will take you!

[navree]

I've always joked to myself that Luke's biggest offense (aside from the obvious) was that he was boring, but I've never seen anyone else outwardly say it with such conviction. You're a braver person than me! 👍

Oh I've been on the "Luke is boring" train since the show was airing, it's just an objective fact. Luke suffers from something a lot of characters on the show suffer from, which is that the show tried to cram way too much into one ten episode season of television and as such a lot of character writing suffered, especially on the Blacks' side (nearly all Blacks side characters are severely underdeveloped except for Rhaenys and Corlys, who have the distinction of being somewhat schizophrenic). Luke does nothing notable for episode six, nothing notable for episode seven until he maims Luke, nothing notable for episode eight, he's not even in episode nine, and then in episode ten he dies. That's why the scenes he's in during episode ten feel as clunky and bad as they do, they sat down to write the finale, realized that there was no reason for people to care at all when Vhagar munches him, and so we got those random scenes to try and bolster his connection with Rhaenyra and show that he's The Goodest Boy to try and shoehorn in any reason for the audience to care. And be honestly people, did you feel sad when Luke died because Luke as a character is now gone and we'll lose him forever, like we did when Robb and Catelyn died, or are you just sad because he's fourteen and it made Rhaenyra sad and you like Rhaenyra? It's the latter.

(it's also why Lucemond is so popular, because Luke is such a nothing character he's basically a blank slate that a bunch of people can project themselves onto and thus be casted in whatever role they want him to be as a self-insert because Aemond is hot and you can't do that with any other character Aemond interacts with, because they've all got personalities that can't be subsumed the way you can with Luke because he's got no personality)

This is a problem that plagues Jacaerys and Baela and Rhaena as well (seriously, please name me three character traits for Baela and Rhaena separately, I can barely name three for the two of them combined you could literally replace them with lamps and nothing changes it's so bad), but because they're gonna be in the show longer, there's more of a chance to fix it. Luke only being around for four episodes, doing fuck all for most of his appearances, and being defined by "guy who caused grievous bodily harm in a fight he shouldn't have been involved in due to the fact that the opposite side did nothing wrong and then refused to ever even show contrition for it" and then promptly dying means that there's no chance to expand his character the way Jace and Baela and Rhaena can potentially get (and I highly doubt Baela and Rhaena are gonna get much expansion tbf), so we're stuck with the most boring boy. He's a plank of wood, he's nothing, he means nothing to me except that sometimes I think about how difficult the recovery period for literally losing an eye must have been for Aemond on so many levels and I think that Vhagar went too easy on his boring ass.

And it's my blog so I can say what I want and I will bear this cross for you and those like you anon, I will proudly call Lucerys Velaryon a piece of cardboard.

[microscotch]

“I arrived a bit late to this whole thing, but I honestly thought this bimbocast would be chill about it. Clearly I was wrong, literally the first thing this pile of wussies does is complain about the way I fly.”

- “YOU LUNATIC ALMOST HIT US WITH YOUR FUCKING UFO!!!!!”

- “And you’re still alive, get over it.”

“We’re waiting for this last chick to arrive, not knowing this girl was planning on committing murder by almost crashing HER LITERAL UFO into the house!”

“Like, who on earth let that psycho onto the show, she’s a threat to society!”

-”YOU HAVE TWO EYES CONNECTED TO YOUR BRAIN, RIGHT?? CAN’T YOU WATCH WHERE THE HELL YOU’RE FLYING??”

-”I see the whole “earthlings are useless wimps” stereotype is true as well.”

-”You’re insane!”

-”Bold words to direct at someone who almost killed you, now get out of my way, Leslie.”

“So we’re all situated at the table waiting for our boss and in comes this dumpster fire on two legs. I was like “Come on, that can’t be the person running this show!” 

-”Alright, I'll give it to you straight: I’m Toni and I’m your boss for the next few weeks. I want you to disgrace yourselves in front of these cameras and make me the wealthiest sim alive. You're gonna fill in my shitty bike courier job in the meantime and you BETTER do your job cause I'm gonna get in major trouble otherwise, so if I - uh - you get fired, you'll leave this rancid house. You'll also be off the show if you have a net negative relationship with all of your housemates. Got it?”

-”Roz, did you know that iguanas are cold-blooded animals, so their body temperature is reliant on the weather??”

-”Um, Toni, were you high when you cast some of these freakshows?”

-”Yes. Anyways, have fun making me rich!”

-”Oh yeah, so while we’re at that, how much are WE gonna get paid for this?”

-”April what are you talking about, nobody here is gonna get any money.”

-”WHAT??”

-”We’re gonna get paid in fame and exposure.”

“What person gets hired for a show WITHOUT getting paid? I’m just feeling so taken advantage of right now.”

-”Okay April it’s been two hours, people actually need to use this bathroom!”

-”THERE ARE THREE BATHROOMS IN THIS HOUSE, PICK A DIFFERENT ONE!!”

-”Hey Angie, I know we’re thinking the same thing, just letting you know that I didn’t get my nickname from nowhere, wink if you understand me. Angie??”

-”I DON’T DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!!!! NOBODY WITH HAIR THAT LOOKS LIKE IT’S PERMANENTLY BLOWN BY THE WIND DOES!!!!”

“This bitch really thought she was gonna get paid to be on here, like, get a grip. Fortunately the whining stopped when the welcome wagon arrived ‘cause she became too busy going crazy over that one guy...”

-”Hey cutie, your cardigan is really hot! ❤” 

-“Oh thank you dear, do you know what’s also “hot”?? My fiancee’s ginger sister ❤.”

-”Getting my pride hurt twice today, alright, time to get drunk and blackout so hard I’ll forget this whole day ever happened!”

-”Aww, don’t be upset, April! Your ass is far too detox tea ad material for you to be this sad!”

-”SHOO ANGIE, TAKE YOUR FAKE ASS COMPLIMENTS AND FLIRT WITH NAMZIB IF YOU’RE BORED!”

-”I can’t be the only one thinking it’s completely sociopathic to cast someone nicknamed “The Slaughter” instead of arresting them, especially after nearly killing everyone upon arrival!”

-”You legit climbed into the hot tub to tell me that?”

“I got this weirdo’s signals and look, I’m not at all opposed to hatefucking, but I don’t go below sevens. I don’t care how turned on you get by near-death experiences, Roz.”

“Not to mention because that creep kept ranting to me, ABOUT me I didn’t have a minute left to change when the cab arrived to take us clubbing. Asshole.”

-”Hey Namzib, sorry we didn’t interrupt your makeout session with Roz sooner!”

-”Yeah, yeah, shut up, Tik Tok edition of Edward Cullen.”

-”EXCUSE ME, YOUNG LADY! DON’T YOU THINK YOUR ATTIRE IS -

-“NO!! THE LEGENDS FROM SECTOR 8 ARE TRUE. MRS. CRUMPLEBOTTOM AND HER MAGIC MURDER BAG ARE REAL!!”

-“...”

-”DON’T KILL ME!! UGH OF COURSE THIS HAPPENS WHEN I’M COMPLETELY UNARMED, STUPID BATHING SUIT....”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One trip to the house and back to the club later..

-“Dude, will you get going? Other people want to use the vending machine too!”

-”Hello there, young folks, it’s a nice day today! :)”

-“Just come back later when you’ve made up your mind, for Watcher’s sake!”

“So while Roz was about to lose his mind I couldn’t help but notice how virtually everyone but him in this house really wants me.”

“The boys...”

“The girls...”

“But I was standing like right next to him and everything he cares about is throwing a fit because some old dude blocked the vending machine! It’s so messed up.”

-”COME ON! COME GET ME!”

-”I love the young people! :)”

-”I’LL KICK YOUR ASS, GOATEE!!!”

-”Roz calm the hell down!!”

“Roz is just being totally aggressive right now, he’s making everyone look terrible. I was just like, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal!”

-“Stawp it, this is literally our first day and you’re making all of us look horrible, we’re gonna get thrown out!”

-”Be real, after what I’ve seen earlier today that guy was clearly your type and now you’re pissed at me!”

-‘You’re being ridiculous!”

-“Look! Over there is another old guy you can pester, now leave me alone!”

-“Would you degenerate move it already?!”

[zainnbug]

so ….i’ve been rewatching “The Spectacular Spider-Man” and i just wanted to give my lukewarm takes on it (just my own personal opinions!) prepare for horrible analysis and alot of words!!!!!

1. THE VILLAINS LOWKEY SUCK

i say this with an open mind because Spectacular Spider-Man is a kids show… but the villains are not good. I feel like there is very little build up on these characters origin stories and why the way they act like they do. For example electro, an ordinary repair guy who is involved in a work accident while working on machinery next to genetically altered eels. for me i just couldn’t understand where all his hatred was coming from except for the fact that he is never able to go back to his life. Like this guy is traumatized and now has to adjust to a new life that harms everyone and then boom he’s evil and hates Spider-Man (Too much Spider-Man hate and not enough I-hate-the-world kind of hate! ). There just wasn’t more of a build up to it, like i wished he tried to be like a hero just like Spider-Man then completely fucks everything up while trying to do good. I know certain life altering changes completely changes someone but i still wish he tried to cling onto his human characteristics (like his morals he once had from who he used to be). It would’ve been cool if he tried to be himself again more mentally and then threw that out the window cuz it was never gonna work out)That’s also one thing i see recurring with the villains is that they just hate Spider-Man…. But I still try to keep an open mind as it is a really short show and apparently electricity is the main source for all evilness in this show (literally).

2. He’s a hoe

heavy on this one cause pete cannot choose from liz, gwen, mj, black cat or that bugle secretary. He went from that shordy who worked at the bugle to mj to liz allan to black cat then to liz again then gwen then LIZ AGAIN then gwen again? it was like every 5 seconds he was switching sides …like oh man! liz is into me.. oh and gwen too!! and then he just wouldn’t make up his mind. This guy is a man whore I STILL REMEBER THE SCENE WHERE HE FINALLY DECIDED TO TALK TO GWEN AFTER THEIR KISS AND SHE BLEW HIM OFF SO HE STARTED THINKING ABT MJ WHILE SHE(MJ) WAS TALKING TO HIM. even she told him to get it together 😔 do better peterman

3. Mjs incredible personality✨

this one’s not too much of a big deal and i can tolerate it but it still irks me. Throughout the entire time of Mjs screen time is her personality which kind of ruins her character in this show. From the way she talks to how she flirts with everyone in the show bothers me. She flirts with nearly every guy in the show and she’s just… too flirty LIKE IT DOESNT FIT HER CHARACTER. It’s not the Mj i know but i still do luv. It’s just not in her character to act this flirtatious. It’s like she has no real personality other than being hot.

BONUS:

-the villains in this show were still enjoyable like otto octavius and venom, which are my personal favs. Also seeing marko stick up for a child being bullied and saving innocent people really did it for me. I also thought he was just some mindless spider-man hater but there’s a little more to it.

- despite peter being a hoe….erm i actually cannot find something good to say abt his hoe side srry y’all….

-despite Mjs flirty side, Mj is like the number one supporter for most of the characters in this show. She’s the one constantly checking on gwen and peter while also giving them relationship advice or just advice in general. Also she’s the first person to notice something is wrong. I like to call her a girls girl cuz she really looks out for the girls in the show.

thanks for reading my horrible takes i will be posting more like follow and subscribe if y’all actually read me yapping away and stay tuned y’all 🙏

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

13, 24, 27 for Pyro

and

3 for a Dark Shadows character of your choice!

13. Dumbest thing they've ever done.

Oh boy, where do I start here? So many contenders.

I'd probably have to say that time that Freedom Force attacked the X-Men (without Mystique's permission and behind her back), and Pyro tried directly challenging Storm. This was during the time that Storm had lost her powers, but Pyro's flame reacted with the fog in the air to cause rain, so Pyro basically took himself out.

Runner up - that time in TAS that Pyro did not recognize Rogue despite her having formerly been in the Brotherhood, and tried to flirt with her by torching a chair and making a bad pun. I want to emphasize, he literally just torched a chair and didn't actually manipulate the flame at all, which means he was trying to impress Rogue as "guy with a flamethrower."

Toss him through the wall, Rogue.

Also that same episode he shot fire at Cable, a huge hulking guy strapped with guns, for no good reason, and got himself knocked out and nearly drowned. "Don't call me darling."

Second runner-up - That impulsive drunken skull-face tattoo. I am 100% certain Pyro had some next-day regrets about that, even though he would never admit it.

24. Most annoying habit

He's definitely a show-off and braggart, and can often be quite petty and mean. Probably a conversation one-upper, and a million "When I was in Vietnam/the Brotherhood/jail" stories of dubious credibility. Although I also think those are fun aspects of his character.

Probably smoking. Pyro is a smoker and I doubt he's very considerate about second-hand smoke. Also, if you lend him your lighter you will never see it again.

27. Their guilty pleasure

Soap operas. Pyro loves watching soaps for all the plot twists and drama, many of which he rips-off uses for inspiration in his novels. Although I think Pyro would be defiantly unashamed of watching soaps. "I'm a romance writer, what the fuck do you expect?"

Pyro's real guilty pleasure - light-hearted romantic comedies and occasional sappy Hallmark movies. Sometimes St. John just needs a pick-me up in the form of a feel-good movie about a career woman moving back to her small town and discovering both love and the true meaning of Christmas. If you walk in on Pyro watching one of these movies he will switch it off faster than actual porn.

3. Obscure headcanon (for a Dark Shadows character)

Bless you for asking me about Dark Shadows. I like to imagine a lot of moments of Willie (Barnabas's servant/vampire thrall) introducing Barnabas to 20th century culture, especially post-Wyndcliff when Barnabas was being a little nicer to Willie. Like Willie getting Barnabas to try pizza and hamburgers during his "cured" non-vampire times when he could actually eat real food. "C'mon, Barnabas, you gotta try it at least once, it's really good, and people will expect you to have eaten pizza before, it'll help you fit in."

Barnabas eats pizza and hamburgers with a knife and fork, no one can convince him to do otherwise.

Barnabas trying to relate to Vicky: "Willie prepared some.....spa-ghe-tti for me the other night, such an interesting, flavorful dish, although a bit inconvenient to eat."

Willie had no idea what to do when Barnabas asked him for some salt-pork, he just ran out and got Barnabas a hot dog. Barnabas became surprisingly fond of baked beans with cut-up hot dogs, and would offer it to guests.

Willie was similarly troubled when Barnabas wanted roast pigeon. "We, uh....we don't really eat that anymore, Barnabas. Maybe some fried chicken instead?" Thankfully, Barnabas loved the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices.

(I feel like this works even better for the 91 Revival Willie and Barnabas, who don't have as contentious a relationship. Like 91 Willie would be eager to take Barnabas to the movies or play the Beatles for him or introduce him to Chinese food.)

[arcaneyouth]

If you're still looking for something to ramble, could you talk about Bophesus and his band? Guy with a VERY awesome design and I'm very intrigued by his goings ons (:

BOCEPHUS IS SO FUNNY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH pretty much his entire character arc is going "oh wait shit im bisexual lmao??" and then immediately landing a boyfriend that wants him dead and he thinks thats hot. silly from day one til the day he dies babeyyy

bocephus's plot stuff is too interconnected with other characters for me to go on a full infodump without having to explain The Entire Story which has historically taken me 4-6 hours of nonstop typing to do so im not doing that but heres a bunch of fun facts

bocephus started his band with his buddies (and rainbow who was also there) 2-3 years before he appears in the story! they're still pretty underground but they make enough to make ends meet

bocephus is an assassin as a side gig for when the ends dont meet. he doesnt take this nearly as seriously as he does the band tho. dont ask him for discretion with his kills, hes beating them to death with his fists and youre not getting anything different

he tells the gamer club video games arent a thing in the monster realm but the more ive thought about this the more i think he just doesnt fucking know video games exist until kazooie shows him. theres no way they dont have video games in the monster realm. bocephus is just a dumbass and was never interested in that nerd shit

he's the one that gets amedeo in therapy. literally just walked up to amedeo, handed it a card with a therapist's contact info, told it he thinks therapy would do it good, and left. and it worked. he just has these cards on hand all the time btw

didnt think he was bi he just was willing to do whatever was fun with anyone until he realized he was crushing on rainbow which didnt make any sense because rainbow is not fun to be around and was actively trying to kill bocephus when he had this realization. immediately started flirting with rainbow about it. theyre dating now. theyre fucking awful for each other and they like it that way

hes just an awesome guy. big advocate for mental health, is pretty "he's confused but he's got the spirit" about queer/disability stuff, always hyping up all of his friends every chance he gets. hes so cool

bocephus's favorite video game is hitman. hes also a huge fan of vr and ddr

[2manykinks]

#45. Dominant Men AND #55. Humiliation

Personally, I think Kink #55 – humiliation – is often closely attached to this … and sometimes difficult to display properly … that I am making this a double-kink.

Dominant men are hot.  Just in every way.  The idea of having power over another man … it’s an intoxicating one, isn’t it?  Unless you’re a submissive, I suppose.

There’s all kinds of dominance, but I find each fascinating in their own way. Plain old, simple raw sexual dominance is HOT (but we can't show any of that HERE because Tumblr staff are all bigots and absolutely hate gay people, and sex).  

There’s also plenty of dominance to be found in the martial arts.

Personally, I love seeing an uke squirming in pain under the full control of a dominant alpha male … and some of those things being done to them have to be mildly humiliating, no?  ;)

You see what I mean about them sometimes going hand in hand?

Of course, sometimes a man just oozes dominance with a look and a stance.  I find this guy so, so damn hot … that cocky-as-fuck look of disdain at his fallen foe!

And sometimes, a little humiliation is mixed in alongside the budo.  The faceplanting and weird leg bend is already domination enough; White is adding insult to injury by just literally stomping on his crumpled foe.

Of course, the leather and rubber kinks worlds are rife with people exercising their dominion over other hunks and studs.  Common techniques: grabbing hold of another guy’s junk whenever you wish; tying him up; making him lightheaded by impeding his oxygen supply by wrapping a hand (gloved or otherwise) over his mouth.

The cocky grin of the boi in charge above nearly makes the picture on its own … but I absolutely love the choked karate hottie’s mien of misery as he reaches upwards, uselessly, to try and break free … and being taken with your own karate belt? That’s definitely humiliating.  

And of course, some people enjoy being put out all together, like the hunky Officer Harris, who has succumbed fully to his captor.  Talk about role reversal – from cop on the beat, to a crumpled heap of a man in leather, laid low and wholly vulnerable.

Last, but certainly, not least, wrestling has MANY things to teach us about dominance and humiliation ..

The poor guy in blue is completely out, but being held up by his hair and forced to pose with his dominators … 

Knocking someone facefirst into the mat is a good way to establish your dominance as well.  But once you’ve got them there …

Cleaning their face with the sole of your dirty foot is a pretty solid way to humiliate and demoralize.

Ball busting can be great for a dose of humiliation as well: search kink #54 for more.