#also i have a test tomorrow help
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having plenty of energy yet knowing you'll be tired af tomorrow is truly awful
#cause like i could do anything right now#but it's midnight#and i'll have to wake up early#and i will regret my life choices in the morning#yet here i am posting on this silly app#also i have a test tomorrow help#what is this energy for#how am i supposed to sleep#but of course i'm always super tired during the day#can we switch day and night?#it's awful#ari posts
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Art of Patroclus wearing Achilles’s armour that I did while writing an essay for my Greek and Roman Lit class last week
#doctorsiren#the iliad#patroclus#achilles#greek mythology#greek mythology art#digital art#my art#procreate#I showed it to my teacher and he was like :O!!!#and then he showed it to the class yesterday#and also I told him about Epic and apparently he’s already listened to it and thinks it’s super cool#and he told the class that I said more art was to come. especially for the odyssey HELP HAHAH#this is the SAME professor who knows I’m into Ford Pines LMAOOO#I did the art for fun but I think I’m getting extra credit for it hehe#this teacher also asked us if we knew what skibidi meant…he’s such a confused dad it’s so funny#very fun class#except I have my first test for it tomorrow so…let’s see if I still like it after that /silly#I was writing my essay about Achilles’s prayer to Zeus to keep Patroclus safe#and in the middle of it I was like ‘no…I need to draw something for this NOW’ and I did
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Here is the slut.
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#my art#glenn close#i have to wake up at 5 and write a math test tomorrow so you guys better be greatful i did this#cause i spend way too long trying to draw glenn hot like wayyy too long#i did not do school work cause of this#i dont even care about that damn pole i dont#but here is dilf glenn are you happy now?#are you satisfied?#i nearly cried cause of this damn drawing#also cause i lost my fave necklace down a fucking sink drain and am gonna have to beg some people tomorrow to help me get it out#at lesst im getting my hair dyed#i also have like two tests wendesday and like a bilion projects for thursday and Friday and all i did was draw hot glenn#im gonna go drink my hour old coffee and cry now#honestly vote carlos hes not a dick that sucks to draw#hot glenn autumn
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Love her even though I’m not supposed to ❤️ she keeps me up
#rottmnt#raphael hamato#casey jones#Cassandra jones#rasey#I don’t ship this version of rasey but I do#they’re lesbians your honour#contemporary style#textures#I love textures#played with some new ones here tooo#messed around with colours and got stuck deciding between these#just really wanted to draw these too because I finally started watching rise properly with my friend after 7 months of saying I would#and the itch was real I HAD to scratch it#we’re halfway through s2 btw#of course we saw s1 case couldn’t lift weights so this would have to be after some rep sessions I think#also Raphs fitting because I have a blood test tomorrow and as she said tests are easy it’s the answers that are hard#anyway shoutout to rena for helping me with the caption#and also to little me who wanted to be the biggest strongest kid and also a little baby who could be carried#both can and will co exist for raph
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I literally think I am in part so dysregulated today because of how upset I got about Arcane's s2 treatment of disability this weekend lol. It's Only League Of Legends TV Show.
#i want it to be like. the 29th. done with family visit and have work off and can just chill for a few days#but having next week off but i have to be around family for xmas is Not Helping#aaaaaaaA#i have a whole User Access Testing thing i have to do for epic tomorrow for work and i would like not to#but i would really like to not do anything at all so. not useful feeling.#also spiralling about Various Current Events a bit so idk. maybe today is just cursed. get it together man.#txt
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No crafting updates today, but I did bake a spiced pumpkin cake! And I made salted caramel sauce this weekend, so tomorrow I'll make the salted caramel frosting. My hip's doing better than it was yesterday, but now the muscles around my knee on that same side are rebelling, so still no iron or rotary cutter for me
#the person behind the yarn#it's that pesky 'don't use objects that would be dangerous if you had a muscle spasm while you are having muscle spasms' rule#like. it's worked. I have not injured myself with the rotary cutter or the iron at all#and considering I have various conditions that boil down to 'might pass out disease' that's no small accomplishment!#and like I did implement that rule because of the one time my leg did buckle while I was using the rotary cutter#like. I managed to flick the safety on it as I was falling#but I don't want to rely on that consistently happening#and my muscles are twitching from mid calf to my lower back on that side#which is still better than yesterday where it was from head to foot!#sometimes I just have to remind myself that rule exists for a reason#and that I should not test its necessity#and also like. sometimes I have to say out loud (or in tags) the small victories#could not make the quilt today but I did make the cake! successfully estimated what I could make#for family dinner tomorrow! I wanted to volunteer to make more but limited myself to dessert and made the components separately and ahead o#time and I might need help making frosting tomorrow but that's okay#I am going to sit here with my hot water bottle and electrolytes and play stardew valley some more
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Skytober 2024 day 28: ultimate
Look! It's a mini you
#i thank my friend for the caption#also this is really rushed cuz i have a test tomorrow lmao#wish me luck#my art#sky children of the light#sky cotl#artists on tumblr#skytober#traditional art#oc#idk help me
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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we’re cooking with this (bnha oc insert RAAGH 🦖)
#₊˚𓂃 🍜⸝⸝﹒#wattpad era (literally just one chapter takes a month in the making)#also after i finish my scrapbook event i’ll go inactive here for a while hiho#but you’ll find me active on my ig tho if you guys still want to interact with me there ! promise i don’t bite#i’m pretty excited to meet new people trust 🫂#i’m also vey excited for this wattpad story ehe (i have so many things that need to get done send help)#tiktok series updates#daily tumblr fic posts#wattpad chapter publishing#medium article conjuring#ao3 wandering (still testing the waters for writing for my fav ships)#i’m in most socmeds guys 😭 i’m not intimidating at all </3 i’m simply a loser who’s studying pre-med#BUT BACK TO MY OC RAAAGHH 🦖‼️#this would be my fav if i execute it correctly#good night i shall sleep early tonight and wake up early tomorrow to study
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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i have my first infusion tomorrow and the Anxiety is kicking in and i am trying so so hard to keep it calm
#marzi speaks#marzivents#EASY boy down boy it’s okay#i’m stressed bc i don’t know if i should bring any paperwork. or medication#(i’m gonna bring some of my meds in a purse just in case)#i don’t know what questions my rheum’s gonna ask#i don’t know what i’m going to do in terms of getting food#will the hospital provide a meal or will i have to request it from outside#i don’t know if my mom will be with me the whole time or just drop me off or if she’ll stay for some of it and then leave#i don’t even know what the infusion center looks like#all i know is that i’m gonna sit with a needle in my arm for 4-6 hours and that i should respond well to it#and my anxiety stems from Not Knowing i HATEEEE not knowing things#uuuuggghhhh it’ll be fine. it’ll be fine. the staff at that hospital are lovely and used to helping stressed kids#so they can help if i have an anxiety attack#and it wouldn’t be embarrassing bc i went through a traumatic experience and these people help people for a living#so it’s gonna be fine. but i hate that i don’t know how it works#will i be in my own little room for a little bit? i imagine not. is there any privacy?#or am i just going to be sitting with a bunch of other people getting chemo?#i don’t KNOW. i don’t know and i really don’t like it#but i need to go to sleep soon. but i still have this stupid insomnia even though i’m tired#probs gonna have to warn my mom that i’m gonna be a little neurotic tomorrow. bc i hate this anticipation actually it makes me feel awful#and like with the follow-up with my rheumatologist that’s also gonna be happening#what kind of questions will she ask? what kind of things will i need to know? ohhh god#ok deep breaths. relax. it is late and i am tired and therefore more prone to catastrophizing#i do know this doctor. i know she is kind and patient. this is not a test. it’s going to be okay#gotta remind myself that it’s gonna be okay. do my cyclical breathing and try to relax physically#the mental will follow as the fatigue sets in#okay. okay. we’re a little calmer. still not Plussed but we’re okay#gonna try to get sleepy now
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bf says ive been going thru it and doing really well at that. bursts into tears.
#im like a toddler that needs a nap except ive badly needed a nap every minute of every day for a week because covid#and im trying really hard#im actually really okay. i don't have my first math test for another week and two days and if i did terrible on#the bio test today my lowest test grade gets dropped and it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.#i am recovering and working and in a class that is very hard for me and i miss simon so bad. i was too tired to drive last weekend#and couldn't go the one prior to that bc covid obviously#it's okay it's okay it's okay#also im getting the depo provera shot in november. i'm fully over it#also the fatigue is getting better by the day. it's okay. it's okay#getting the shot. seeing si on friday. my math prof is very kind and understands that i'm struggling and wants to help. fatigue is getting#better. turns out i don't have work tomorrow. im gonna play valo w seity sometime soon that will be SO fun.#new comfy desk chair. im gonna put something on and work thru my math hw and submit questions without feeling bad about it#it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay. im being sooo brave.#he also said it's insane that i've had to work this week because i'm very much still symptomatic. it got me really good this time#the initial sickness wasn't nearly as severe as the last time i had covid but this one is more drawn out#im still having sinus symptoms/pain on top of the fatigue. cried in my car both days that i worked 👍 it's okay. it's okay
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random oc doodles I have that no one asked for 😼
#im going to write a whole essay in tags dw abt me guys#anyways haha#my oc mau never beating these gojo allegations#maybe thats why I like gojo sm I see him as my silly son😭#I dont think ill care if this flops I just want u guys to see them I love my sillies so much#also I dont want to be strictly jjk artist so😼 watch me figure my own account out#kinda want to do trigun art too... or genshin.. I have had so many silly moments in coop#most fucked up thing is how little time I have#saw screenshots of new jjk episode AND I CANT WATCH IT (maybe saturday though)#literally did biology homework FOR THREE HOURS#OUR FIRST BIOLOGY LESSON IS TOMORROW!! WE HAVENT EVEN MET THE TEACHER YET#I think I have a test tomorrow in swedish 😨#also my roommate broke the lamp trying to help me change the trash bag (old one had broken somehow)#I vaccuumed the floor like 6 times#I still find glass#its like glitter#its on the floor its in her hair its in the corridor its in my slippers and I even found one in my foot#oc#own character#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#guys could u tell but I hate musk so sooooo much#mau and sol#I have a pan on my shelf#theres an amogus plushie in it#I miss artfight it was so much fun#(I was fighting for my life trying to revenge everyone)
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ive spent like 4 hours just staring at my math homework LET ME OUTTTT
#i also spent like 40 minutes in class staring at it. like i genuinely cant get it thru my head#i cannot do this shit i dont have the mental capacity#i hate mcqs. who put me in ap precal#do i just skip this assignment.... i have an 84% in this class rn#yea im not doing it ill be fine lolol maybe ill do some of it tomorrow n get my friends to help me w it#SHOUT OUT AERIES WHAT IF MODE 🙏 literally itll only drop my grade by <2%.. n these r test points yea im not stressing over 1%#im actually good at math its just i cannot comprehend word problems. also i didnt have a math teacher for like half the year so that too#cam says stuff
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goodnight... maybe if i set an alarm on my phone instead of my alarm clock i will hate it less
#that way i have to get out of bed to turn it off also#anyway goodnight... today was pretty good overall actually. helped out with a kindergarten class they were very sweet#test tomorrow i think... whatever. goodnight 👍#.txt
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blaaaghdjflk reading the most boring shit, got a test tomorrow in the apprentice ship thing so gotta refresh on the fucking process of a log being turned into wood veneer and then into plywood
#ughhsjkg i'll try to read up the sections at least once now and hammer the few stuff the teachers said would be test questions#then probably gonna have video game break for undefined amount of time#as I don' think trying to read even more will be much help#and like we haven't had the class to go through half of process yet that's tomorrow before the test#so banking on managing to remember enough stuff from that class and they'll also probably do more of the 'this will be in the test' hints#pointless text post is pointless
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