#also i feel like it's wrong to take the label of disabled when what's wrong with you is totally devoid of any symptoms

[pochapal]

trying to re-enrol and the uni's site keeps telling me that my ckd marks me as disabled now but lowkey i don't fit the vibe of that so i'm overriding it wherever i can :3

[unforth]

We are one Iowa caucus into the absolute shitshow that is going to be the US 2024 elections, and I'm already sick of seeing takes downplaying the risk that Trump and his fascist followers represent.

Look. Around 1900, my mother's grandparents immigrated to the Lower East Side of New York City. They brought with them children born in Europe (Poland? Ukraine? which country they were in depends on what year we're talking about) - we're not 100% sure they were THEIR children, even, but there were three, and they were young, and they came. But my great-grandparents had siblings, parents, cousins, uncles, aunts, huge families. And while my understanding is that an attempt was made to convince those folks to move to the US, none of them ultimately opted to.

They all kept in touch as they were able, exchanging letters and pictures, but through World War 1, through the 20s, through the Great Depression, through the worsening situation in Europe in the 1930s, my entire extended family who chose not to immigrate...continued to stay.

I think we all know how this story ends.

I have an entire family photo album of people whose names I will never know, because after every single one of them died in the Holocaust, my great-grandparents and grandparents couldn't bear to even label them. And they were PEOPLE, poor, vibrant, eager to maintain connections with their loved ones abroad. One was a Klezmer musician, and we have photos of him with all the different instruments he played. They're so real on the page, and they all ended in ashes.

And you know how that started? Fascism started with every inch allowed, with every well-intentioned moderate who tried to maintain a middle position even as the whole ground shifted right beneath their feet and even "middle" became extreme, every "no that change isn't coming fast enough, I want instant full improvement NOW" liberal who felt that doing nothing was better than accepting a slower improvement in the (truly awful!) post-World War 1 living situation in Germany.

Most of the members of my extended family also downplayed the risks. They never imagined that the worst could happen to them. They never fathomed how bad things could become.

And now I have their example always before me to know and to scream:

I KNOW HOW BAD THINGS CAN BECOME. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FAMILY THEN.

I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY NOW.

People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I've got our passports ready (and have had since before the 2020 election).

Look. I don't know what will happen if Trump is elected, but there's a very real possibility he will, and he's been extremely clear about saying what he'll do. He did a lot of the things he said he'd do last time. I expect he'll continue to do the things he says he'll do. And the things he say he'll do will lead to the deaths of more people than we can imagine - in the US, in Palestine, throughout the world.

Don't tell me there's a middle ground here. Don't tell me I'm over-reacting. Don't tell me the worst won't happen. Don't tell me the risk is mild. Don't tell me we're safe.

We. Are. Not. Safe.

The lives of dozens, hundreds, of members of family were lost in the 1940s amid the horrifying statistic "6,000,000 dead Jews."

I will not let my life (as a Jew), my wife's life (as a disabled woman), my son's life (as a biracial boy), my daughter's life (as a biracial trans girl), be part of the statistics that come from our a second Trump presidency.

If you won't vote like YOUR life depends on it, vote like someone ELSE'S life depends on it, because IT DOES.

And if you can't even do that much, at least shut the fuck up and stop spreading your poison around. You're wrong. The danger is real. Downplaying it now won't make your conscience feel any clearer when it actually happens, and comforting everyone else downplaying it will just make you that much more complicit.

[nekropsii]

is it normal, would you say, to be a fan of a character who is on paper completely reprehensible because you _enjoy them as a character, not as a person?_

rufioh and kankri in particular are two of my favourite dancestors but it feels so wrong to say i'm a 'kankri fan' or a 'rufioh fan' because. that's such a loaded title that almost feels like holding up a neon sign that says 'i'm ignoring the textual misogyny both of these assholes espouse in every other sentence'

it also doesn't help that i am yet to find a single fan work (besides sovstuck, of course) that actually gets them right. any and all depth they have is taken away, rufioh is painted as being in the right and damara as his 'psycho ex', and kankri is just a walking joke with no nuance to his characterisation.

Literally completely normal, and I’ve spoken at length before how I believe the seeming general inability to separate “liking a character as a Character” vs. “liking a character as a Person” is doing some extreme damage and is also a major source of discourse and apologetics within fandoms in general.

From what I’ve observed, people seem to tend to think that when you enjoy a Character, you must also enjoy who they are as a Person, so they start sanding their Character down to make them a more palatable Person. Their actions and words are disregarded, their more unsavory traits are either softened or removed entirely, suddenly they have deep and tragic reasons as to why they viciously abused that person or hold bigoted beliefs so it’s actually okay, guys, so on and so forth.

I talk about Cronus a lot because he’s actually one of my favorite Alpha Trolls. As a character, he provides an excellent source of conflict and symbolism, and he’s an extremely important element in what makes Mituna so interesting and likable. Cronus is a vicious, unrepentant abuser and a total, unapologetic sex pest, he wants Alternian Culling to be legal to Beforus so he can legally kill Mituna for his disability with zero social repercussions, and so much more. He has absolutely zero redeeming qualities, and pretending like he even edges close to one means you’ve completely mischaracterized him and totally missed the point. If your version of Cronus even glances in the general direction of Genuine Redemption, throw it all away, you’ve made an OC and it’s too late for you. He’s a great character, and there’s a reason why I’m the main writer for him for Sovereignstuck.

There’s a reason I’d never call myself a fan, though. Hell, I’ve blocked people for labeling themselves as that before, because frankly… Jesus Christ. I’ve learned to take someone labeling themselves a Cronus Fan as a Red Flag. I’ve been here for 10 years. I know what that shit means 99% of the time, and I’m not going to be very willing to take chances for the 1%.

[20dollarlolita]

while youre wheelchair posting i wanted to say that you talking about why you decided to continue using one really changed my own perspective on my disability! i get awful chronic join pains usually triggered by standing, and although im taking the physical therapy route (im hypermobile, so thats the first option,) ive recently considered that using something like a wheelchair or a cane wouldnt be so wrong of me if i feel i need it

I tell people that I just want to be able to do the things that other people do. I want to shop in a store for as long as I want, without hurting. I want to walk around the mall and look at things. I want to go somewhere without having to plan ahead where I will sit down and how long we'll be waiting in line. I want to work a full day in my store, walking from the back room to the front, guiding customers to the different areas, and I want to do that without being in pain.

My wheelchair lets me do that. My body does not let me do that.

My advice to literally everyone who thinks they might need it is, "just get the damn cane." Canes are among the cheapest mobility aids out there. They come in insanely cool colors and styles. There are ones that fold up when you don't need them. You can get one for $10 and you can just go into Walgreens and buy one. Worst case, which is also best case, you just spent the cost of a trip to McDonald's on something you don't use. Worst case, which is also best case, you find something that lets you be yourself doing the things you want to do for longer and with less pain. Worst case, which is also best case, you see that it helps you and it is the gateway into getting a more supportive mobility aid that lets you live a better life. Literally every worst case scenario you can think of is also your best case scenario. Get the cane.

I went to Goodwill on my lunch break just now and they had a rollator for $8, so we're going to experiment with Pink+Rollator in the upcoming days. Currently I'm okay with walking short distances but I really can't stand for more than a couple of minutes, so bringing a device that's also a chair with me seems like it'd be a good step in my mobility.

But yeah, to everyone who is going "hey, I think I could benefit from a mobility aid," this is me, a disabled person, telling you to go for it. You didn't need my permission, but you have it anyway. Get the mobility aid!

A wheelchair is just a chair with wheels, and you didn't need anyone's permission to sit down at a rolling desk chair. You were able to look at the options given to you by the world and choose that, in that context, sitting down on a chair with wheels was going to be the best for your body and your personal convenience. You can look at your body and your environment and make statements like, "I should not be standing for 55 minutes in this line. I can only stand for x minutes," and that's normal. Abled people make decisions like "I'm not going to stand for this long" or "I'm not going to walk this far," all the time. But when you add, "so I'm going to bring a special chair with me, so that I can wait 55 minutes in this line, like all the other people in the line," suddenly it feels different. But abled people are allowed to always be making judgements for when they're pushing their body too hard, and they make decisions all the time about when they're going to take advantage of an aid or take a break, so the only thing that changes when you're disabled is when you have to decide to use it, not at all that you have to use it. People get to pick what shoes they want based on where they're going, and that's just picking a device to aid your mobility as needed for a certain environment. Using a mobility aid is a totally normal thing, except that we've artificially labeled them as "normal person accommodations" and "ask for this and you're disabled."

Disclaimer: obviously bring it up with your care team if you are interested in using a mobility aid (and you have a care team). A LOT of doctors are hesitant to tell young people that they should be trying a mobility aid, but will say you'll benefit from it if you bring it up. If you have a PT then they're likely to have input about what are the best options and how to set them up. Also some doctors can get you mobility aids for free. Even if the cane you get from your doctor is black and boring and doesn't fold, you can still go to the store and get a cane that's fun and cool and then use the one the doctor gave you as a size reference to know how to set the one you just got. Hey, free cane.

[drdemonprince]

Thinking about the way I was treated by my own vocational specialist (i forget how that anon worded it, but that what they called him in the practice i go to) got me thinking. Do you think there's a specific unwillingness to understand... how to phrase this... the type of people psychiatrists would label as "mentally unstable" in some form or another? My psych asked me how much weed I smoked during a session and I found out that in his report he wrote "6 bowls." Now don't get me wrong, I'd find that to be a lot... if it were true. I said I smoked six times a day and he asked what I smoked out of, to which I correctly responded: "A Bowl." He asked no other clarifying questions. In the sessions afterward he minutely focused on why I smoked so much weed, instead of on the symptoms I was reporting. He asked if I felt dizzy and lightheaded, I responded "Well yeah, but that's because of the POTS diagnosis right?" (They were side effects of the medication I was taking- as I'd later come to find out. Thx webmd my beloved) He said I should stop smoking so much weed. I tried to explain that weed was the only thing that took the edge off my chronic pain. He said I should take over the counters, even though with the meds he prescribed me even an NSAID could kill me. I dunno, I didn't mean to dump all over your inbox, but I just feel there's this... commitment to misunderstanding people in need in the "mental health industry." And another question I might pose would be: "Why do we vilify self-medication with now legal substances when pharmaceuticals fail so much of the time?" (Also I got off that medication and am doing much better now that's it's Finally out of my system.)

That's what most of the clinical psych PhD students I came up with were like: zero life experience, rich, predominately white, predominately private school kids, acutely uncomfortable with drugs, disability, or difference, so judgemental the one girl in their program with tattoos got ostracized, assured of their own authority to issue judgement, deeply invested in the godliness of the pathology model, and only aware of real-world issues in the terms of what they had seen on Law and Order SVU. That was how they were when they entered the program. Their clinical training didn't make them any better. Theirs is a population that speaks for the prejudice of the near-highest and most isolated and naive (violently naive!) sectors of society. Glad you got away from it.

[slinket]

Smutmas Day 8

Prompt: Touch me and you lose

NSFW

MC wanted the world to be fair, as much as it could be, which is why she was alway so upset with Professor Sharp and his treatment of Ominis.  It was ok to have high expectations despite the disability, but it was not ok to have those expectations if you as a teacher are unwilling to adapt your teaching to better help the student.

Ominis couldn't see the ingredients or read the labels.  Nothing was written in braille.  While Ominis was able to identify some things by their smell or feel, it was often dangerous to sniff or touch several ingredients, which left him at a huge disadvantage.  Ominis couldn’t compare to a regular sighted student because he wasn’t being given a way to learn that ‘overrode’ his inability to see.  

He should have been assigned something like an interpreter.  This person would not be able to help Ominis in any way, just level the playing field.  The assigned person could be expected to read labels, just the names, no information about what the item did (unless other students were also given that information.)  This helper would be able to make a statement regarding the color of the potion - ‘the potion has become purple’ - Ominis would still be expected to know what the purple color meant, but he had to know first that it had become purple.  

Basically, Ominis was being screwed out of his education, and possible future opportunities because his Professor refused to accommodate him.  It really pissed MC off.  She knew Ominis didn’t like talking about his disability, or even admitting that his blindness did cause him some problems.  MC thought he should talk about it more though.  There was nothing wrong with him intellectually due to the blindness, and it was unfair that some of his grades may have reflected as though he was ‘slow.’  No, she wasn’t going to stand for it anymore.  He worked his ass off, was a great friend and person, and she would do what she needed to do to make sure he was treated fairly.  

MC gave a few impassioned speeches to Ominis’s professors, several of them agreeing with her, and would look into adapting the material so he had better access.  The one person who refused to bend though, was Sharp.  Potions was already a hard subject for Ominis, but it being so reliant on sight really made it nearly impossible for him to compete academically.

She scheduled another appointment to speak with Sharp again, this time making it late at night.  It was time to put her plan into action.  She arrived a bit early for the appointment, wearing her tightest clothing under her robe.  If she couldn’t Sharp to agree to treat Ominis better, she would blackmail him into it.

When Sharp arrived, he found her sitting on his desk awaiting him.  Rather than unsettle her, he sat down in the chair the student would usually take.  He looked up at her, forcing a smile.

“Another meeting, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Oh Professor Sharp, I am here to speak to you about Ominis again.”

“MC, I already told you, I will not be allowing any advantages in this classroom.”

“It wouldn’t be an advantage - you would be making things fair and possible for him.”

“My answer is still no.”

MC furrowed her lips.  She shifted on the desk, removing her robe, and showing off her tight clothing.  Watching Sharp follow her movements with his eyes, she brought her feet up onto the desk, and spread her legs apart.  Sharp’s eyes dipped down quickly to see her exposed pussy.  MC saw his eyes go wide, and he looked up at her before turning away.

“Oh, you can look, Professor Sharp.  I want you to look.  I am here, specifically for you to look.”  MC slid her hand over to her leg, running her finger over her thigh before tracing it down to her lower lips.  

Sharp turned back to look at her, his eyes falling directly at her open legs.  He swallowed hard.  “Why are you doing this?”

“See, Ominis is my best friend, and I would do anything to make sure he is treated fairly.  I love him dearly.  If I can use my body to help him live a better life, I will do so willingly.”

She took two fingers and ran them up and down her pussy lips.  She then opened her lips apart with the fingers, allowing Sharp to see inside of her.  The glistening skin, pink and warm, her opening being visibly small, letting him know how tight she would be, should he ever be lucky enough to get inside.

“I am going to let you watch while I touch myself.  You are welcome to pleasure yourself as well, but touch me and you lose.  In response to this gift, you will start treating Ominis and his education in the way that I demand.  If you don’t, I will go straight to the headmaster and tell him all about how you took advantage of me.”  She dipped a finger inside of herself, pumping it in and out slowly, listening to Sharp’s breathing change.  

“We both know that while you may have some misgivings about this - Black won’t, so if I offer him the same deal - fire you and he can watch me - he will take the win.  So, I suggest you just enjoy yourself.”  

Sharp nodded, his eyes never leaving her pussy.  He reached down to his pants, pulling his already pulsing cock out, and wrapping his hand around the base.

“Oh, look at that, how large you are Professor.  You see my tight little hole?”  She pulled her finger out, letting him look inside of her once again, “I think that as long as you uphold your part of the deal, I may let you slip that monster inside of me.  You would stretch me so well, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I would shove myself completely inside of you, I would tear you apart, and you would love it.”  His hand started pumping, and at each upstroke Sharp would run a finger across the head, pulling his dripping pre cum down over his shaft.

They continued this way for a bit, MC playing with herself, even allowing Sharp to guide her motions.  He really loved watching her play with her clit, running her finger over it in circles and then watching her core clench over nothing, like it was begging him to fill it.

He kept his hands to himself, never touching her, just stroking himself, thrusting into his hand as he brought himself closer to explosion.

“Professor - You’re going to start treating my Ominis better now, yes?”  MC asked him once again, knowing that he was reaching his height of pleasure.

“He will be given anything that will help him in passing.”

“Ohh, good boy.  Come here.  You still can’t put your hands on me, but I want you to press the tip of your cock right here.”  She pushed her finger into her core.  “Don’t push inside, but I will allow you to cum right on my hole.”

Sharp was standing in front of her within seconds, his cock pressed right up against her, making sure his slit was covered so his seed would flow into her.  MC rubbed her clit again, Sharp now able to feel the liquid heat spill onto him, and finally was able to feel her core pulse, grasping onto the little bit of his cock that it could.  That moment was all he needed, his body shattered as he started to cum, shooting inside of her before it would pool and start seeping out.  When he pulled away, he watched as his seed puddled at her opening, some of it slowly dripping down the remainder of her slit, pooling once again at her ass.

The next time MC and Ominis had Potions, he found that the bottles holding ingredients had braille on them.  Ominis was also surprised that Sharp was allowing MC to tell him when his potion had shifted color.  As class was ending, Ominis leaned over to his friend, kissing her cheek as she grabbed his hand.

“I don’t know what you did, but I know this change is because of you, thank you, my darling.” His whisper flowed through her ears, bringing joy to her face.  

She returned the kiss, while looking at Sharp.  “Anything for you, Ominis.”

[monsterkin-culture-is]

How do you know for sure if you have MD? I'm like, 99% sure I have it as I'm constantly daydreaming to the point it disrupts my life occasionally. But I'm just hesitant on that label as I don't know too much about it and don't know where to begin researching it.

Hiya Anon! I'm so sorry for the delay replying, unfortunately I only saw this whilst I was heading to college. This might end up a bit of a ramble but I'm going to at least attempt to organise it.

Diagnosis Talk:

MD is difficult in the fact that it's not a fully recognised disorder yet so there's no DSM-5 etc to use as a diagnostic guide.

Personally, I would consider it maladaptive once it's becoming a negative experience. This could look like: struggling to complete schoolwork/homework or chores because you can't stop daydreaming, losing time in your day-to-day life, losing information in class/meetings and becoming disconnected from/losing interest in your social life & family. In addition, it can also be the content of the daydreams becoming disturbing or causing you emotional distress when something negative happens in the plotline. That part isn't discussed as much but it's something I personally experience; e.g if a character dies in-story/scenario, I actually cry & genuinely grieve them for a while (sometimes a day, sometimes a fortnight for me). This isn't an exhaustive list nor is it a criteria where you need every single one, it's just what 'maladaptive' can look like.

The difference with immersive daydreaming is that it only happens when the person wants and it's purely for enjoyment.

There is an evaluative tool known as the MDS-16 (MDS meaning maladaptive daydreaming scale). I'll link this for you lower down in the research section!

When it comes to questioning, my #1 piece of advice would be don't stress. That's much easier said than done, but it's important to remember nothing will happen if you're wrong. If you mislabel it, no one is going to be upset. With maladaptive daydreaming, because it's unrecognised, there's even less pressure with self-diagnosis and there's no criteria you have to match. It's a label used to describe an experience. It's also important to remember that imposter syndrome is very common in all disorders & disabilities, physical and psychological, even after diagnosis.

Research Resources:

Eli Somer is the main researcher for Maladaptive Daydreaming and is the original creator of the term back in 2002. You can find some of his papers linked at the bottom of the Maladaptive Daydreaming Wikipedia Page as references (which I also recommend flicking through).

The MDS-16 is a self-assessment tool made by Somer & his associates. You can take it here on traumadissociation.com but other PDF versions are available on the internet. It has 16 questions and the result is the mean of your answers.

This is the official website for The International Consortium For Maladaptive Daydreaming Research. The ICMDR are an informal group of scientists conducting group research on MD. Their site hosts a lot of their research and resources to help you with MD.

The Parallel Lives Podcast is a great way to hear other people's experiences with MD (link leads to spotify).

Honestly I haven't read any papers on MD (I probably should) so don't worry about not doing enough research. I do recommend the MDS-16 especially though as it will help you reflect on the traits of MD you possess.

I hope some of this was helpful anon!! Feel free to send anymore questions you have through, hopefully I'll be able to respond a little quicker this time!! You're also welcome to talk about your experiences more. My DMs are open if you ever need to talk more privately. /gen /nf

[necroromantics]

Regarding being "cancelled"

Im not gonna address this further unless anyone needs clarification or something cuz its just drama with random ass kids who I'm not interested in interacting with

Some people dug up a fuck ton of old screenshots of shit I said in my server a year ago. Not gonna deny saying any of that, cuz I did say it, and I've said worse, and if you've talked to me at all I am always very open about this stuff.

In the screenshots I made jokes about disabled people and said I don't care if someone is a Nazi, because at the time my server had like no rules, everything was free reign (which is now changed). This is because I did not care if someone was disabled or a Nazi. It kinda comes hand in hand with ASPD, not caring unless it directly effects you. This does not mean I condone or support the things I joked about*

If you don't know what ASPD is, it's antisocial personality disorder, its characterized by "disregard for peoples rights and feelings". The reason I was even diagnosed in the first place was because I fit the criteria of crossing moral boundaries, disregarding peoples feelings, and not fitting into social norms. I was VERY bad with that in the past, especially a year ago when I was 18 years old, very deep in drug addiction, and didn't have the support system I have now.

If you want to judge me based on my past mistakes and actions, I can't control you. I don't expect anyone to like me, but I do care to get my side out too. I post here because I have fun, not because I care what people think. And if you judge me from shit I said as a drug addicted horribly mentally ill 18 yr old, then that isn't my problem.

Love the label, hate the symptoms yeah?

I don't like apologizing for things I'm not actually sorry for so this isn't an apology. I know I've said a lot of jarring and rude and fucked up things in the past, but if you know me at all then you know it never came from a place of hatred. To me, as someone with ASPD, its about proving that things like societal rules and norms aren't going to be another thing that controls you, so you just ignore them completely. This is what makes it a disorder. Cuz it's irrational and dysfunctional and causes problems like this

Also they vaguely mentioned me abusing someone who's borderline which is ??? because all the relationships with borderlines Ive been in had been very unhealthy on both sides. My mom has BPD so I know how to help those with BPD and Ive always tried my best to cater to BPDers symptoms and issues, even in the relationships where their condition got too much for me.

But yeah, I made mistakes in the past, and I'm not that person anymore, or at least I try hard not to be. I've been sober for almost a year, I have amazing friends and a good support system, I'm on medication for my bipolar disorder. Judge me from the past, but anyone who talks to me now knows that I work very hard to get over those mindsets and habits. To me, thats all that matters.

Edit: Not blaming my disorder, its just easier to explain. I'm taking full blame for what I said in the past, and I acknowledge that it was morally wrong. I said what I said. These people have been absolutely hellbent on being on my ass for months now when all I want to do is just chill out, get better, and live life. Theyre gonna keep complaining about everything I do, and I don't care to make any more edits, just wanted to clarify that Im not making excuses. Also I don't support Nazi's, I just made jokes about it. Anyone who knows me knows Im very against that shit

(I dont mean to sound callous or whatever, I just woke up to this and wanted to quickly clear shit up before it all blows out of proportion)

[internet-angelmp3]

Hello! I wouldn't call myself an anti, I'm more or less just morbidly curious about your community but would never personally join it based on my own standing on a lot you guys accept, though I don't think a lot of what you guys are doing is really that harmful to others so I don't really? Hate the community? Idk. I just have a question I wished to ask as I'm curious, answer if you want you can tell me to fuck off as well.

Mainly I'm just curious on what made you decide to become a radqueer, and perhaps how you figured out what you're experiencing is a 'transid'. I myself am a part of a system so I do feel more connected with some basic transid's I won't lie, but I really don't grasp trans disabilities or mental illnesses in the slightest, why would you want something like that? Not to be rude just extremely curious. Or trans races or ethnicities.

Have a good day! I am sending this out to multiple people, I enjoy hearing multiple perspectives.

Hello! I won't tell anyone who's polite to fuck off, Anti's included! Since you're asking so nicely as a neutral party, I'll explain but the post will be a bit long so I'll ramble under the cut.

My first few transids were trans heterochromia and trans intersex.

For trans heterochromia I had believed my whole life, even as a young child, that I should have heterochromia and it felt simply wrong that I didn't. I used to think about it a lot and get very irrationally upset that I did not have heterochromia.

As for trans intersex, it started when I was younger and I was very bigendered and I felt like it wasn't just bigender, that it was a part of me. As I got older, my voice deepened and I got excess hair in certain parts even though I was afab and started to show many signs of actually being intersex.

However, I don't have access to a doctor or any diagnosis due to the lack of resources in such a small Australian country town, living far away from the hospital and having no way to get there and I and my family have no money to spare. Along with that, no matter what I tell counsellors about my childhood neglect and have even told them about my SA trauma, they insist that all my problems are because I am queer or because I have a menstrual cycle.

So I changed from trans intersex to tris (trans and cis) intersex. Because I show many symptoms of having Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (an intersex condition) but I don't feel intersex enough to be valid or for people to take me seriously. I wish my intersex was more visible so I would have a proper reason and my parents and doctors and counsellors would believe me.

Another big one for me is tris (trans and cis) Irish. I am Irish, my father's side is 100% Irish. They immigrated to a small Australian town during a gold rush. After the gold rush, they stayed. I feel disconnected from my culture as I did not grow up in Ireland but I feel a pull to the culture, to the country. There are a lot of people who live in Ireland who say "If you don't live in Ireland, you're not Irish." referring to people who are 1% Irish but I am at least 30% Irish, 50% at the most. I'm cis Irish but feel trans Irish because of the disconnection I have with my culture due to immigration.

I also have tris (trans and cis) plural on my pinned post, it's similar to my experience with being tris intersex. I am plural, I experience plurality. I talk with my headmates. We are a traumagenic system. But it feels like if we went anywhere near anti endogenic spaces, other traumagenics would fakeclaim us because we relate to the labels "Hydra conscious" (We share a consciousness but also have separate ones), "Singletflux" (We spend most of our time as a singlet but during times of stress we split up again) and other labels like those.

Thanks for asking so nicely, Anon! Have a very nice day!

[sophieinwonderland]

Saw someone say you support radqueers (trans abled/disabled RCTA/race change to another) stuff like that. Is this true? I don't really feel like scrolling through your entire blog to find out rn

I consider myself mostly neutral on many of these issues with a lot of nuance, but generally find myself leaning more towards "anti-anti" if that's a thing in this context. These labels encompass a lot, so I'm just going to focus on the examples you mention.

My own observation of the trace community is that it's primarily made up of PoC-bodied individuals, many of whom believe their identities may have been related to race-based trauma, and I classify most of the attacks against it as acts of lateral aggression. (This is usually justified by focusing on the relatively rarer, in my observation, White to POC transitions and pretending as if that makes up a majority of the trace community.)

I also find white "allies" targeting PoC-bodied individuals in the Trace community to be... deeply unsettling. Race is a social construct. More specifically, it's a social construct invented by a white majority to oppress others.

In general, I don't like seeing bullying of these groups, but there is something even more profoundly wrong about it when it's white people who are trying to police how PoC-bodied individuals are allowed to identify. Our ancestors made these boxes, forced people into the boxes to other them and justify countless abuses and atrocities. If people today want to step out of those boxes and define their own identities beyond what our ancestors defined... I don't think we should be fighting to keep them in those boxes.

To me, it feels like it's perpetuating the very same systems of oppression our ancestors designed and dressing it up as "anti-racism."

As for transabled stuff, the word was originally intended for people with BIID, which is a real disorder acknowledged by many doctors. Hate against these groups is just literal ableism.

And I believe an equivalent to BIID exists for mental illnesses too even though we haven't studied this yet, which is the other side of the transabled coin.

As an autistic person, I don't see any significant issue with transautistism or other mental trans-disabilities.

There may be some problems if they're going into disabled spaces and claiming to have the actual disability, but from what I've observed, this usually isn't the case. I don't know why people feel like they should have had a certain condition or feel connected to it, but I don't find it particularly harmful overall. It might actually be beneficial to others. I mean, transabled people will exist no matter what so it seems better to me for them to feel comfortable identifying as trans[disability] instead of directly claiming to have that disability.

I think there is a huge problem of marginalized communities targeting other marginalized communities because some people feel better being able to bully those with less power than them.

My life as an autistic person is never going to be negatively impacted in the slightest by people identifying as transautistic. If people want to fight against actual ableism spreading misinformation about autism, they could go after these mass media portrayals with millions of viewers.

But that's hard and doesn't give you the same rush of power as attacking someone with less influence than you. It's a power trip that doesn't actually benefit disabled communities.

If your activism is based mostly on going after smaller marginalized communities, taking out all your anger on them and blaming them for your problems, I would ask how that makes you any better than your oppressors.

[intersex-support]

hi, um...

firstly, i'm really sorry if this post will makes any intersex person uncomfortable. you can just don't publish it, if you see this question is unacceptable.

and also, tw: dysphoria

i don't know if i am intersex, but let's pretend i am not, just because i don't feel i have a right to call myself this way. especially before any tests.

i called myself non-binary or androgynous, in the childhood, for some reason, i used a word he*****dite.

i have physical and social dysphoria from a both sides, too masc or too fem = day ruined. voice, body, hair, face... all of it. i know intersex ≠ androgyny, i know intersex it is a many variations. i don't think intersex people can't look masculine or feminine (or any other way they want to).

and... let's say... i had really hard times with dysphoria. and now i have it, too. i... i think it sounds ridiculous, but i feel my experience... i think i need to call myself intersex.

well. i said it.

honestly, i'm not sexualizing intersex people or think they look in one certain way. i just feel like i had to be intersex, born as one. i... i really can't explain what it means. i just know it.

i don't think being intersex if fun or *special*. i just want to live normal life with myself. i, honestly, i never will say i have experience as intersex people have. i know, i do not.

it's just really hurt to think i was born F/M, not I. i had to be intersex. maybe it sounds crazy or disrespectful. to me, born as F or M almost similar painful.

i know i will never be able to be myself. it's all was wrong from the very beginning. i don't use any labels such as "intersex" or "transintersex" or whatever. i don't think i have i right to be in intersex spaces as a member, not ally.

my questions are...

do you think my identity have a right to be or it's disrespectful for intersex people? do you believe it exists? will i hurt actually intersex people if i start to call myself intersex?

i'm really sorry. it was almost 10 years of my physical dysphoria and 20 years of social. i thought about this so many times, and i don't know how to stop feel this way.

anon, I will be honest that this question does make me uncomfortable, but I'm going to answer it anyway, because we get a lot of questions like this and yours is one of the less offensively phrased, so I want to take the time to answer this now.

If you are not intersex, you cannot identify as intersex. intersex people are not being mean or cruel when we say this, this is just a fact. And because we are so used to our bodies being fetishized, and people only paying attention to intersex experiences when it is convenient for them, we often are justifiably upset when we are continually asked questions by endosex/dyadic people who want to lay claim to intersex experiences without being intersex. so many people do not understand the extent of intersex oppression, the multifacted ways that stigma can shape our lives, and the amount of violence that many of us face whether it's medical violence, sexual violence, or otherwise. and so many of our experiences are shaped by our other identities--our transness, our race, our disabilities--so many ways that our lives as intersex people can become entangled with the oppression we face. that's not to say that being intersex is inherently a negative or traumatizing experience, but rather to express that the intersex community is so fragmented and isolated that oftentimes, we spend years without ever meeting any other intersex people and internalize our own experiences as our fault rather than understanding the underlying oppressive forces at work. I have so much intersex pride and love being intersex, but that is something that took years for me to be able to say.

being intersex is so much more than just our physical bodies, our diagnoses, or our experiences with dysphoria. i know you said that you understand that being intersex does not equal androgyny, but I'm not sure you actually have accepted what that means when you talk about it at the same time as you talk about your dysphoria around being perceived as masc or fem. I really think you have a lot of misconceptions about what it is like to live as intersex and your questions reflect those misunderstandings. I think statements like "just really hurt to think i was born F/M, not I" are statements that are really hard for intersex people, especially intersex people who experienced IGM at birth, to look at because it reflects such a distance from the ramifications of actually getting marked as "I" at birth.

I believe that your dysphoria is valid and that your distress is real-I'm not intending to invalidate that, and I think that you deserve support and compassion for those experiences. but i do not think intersex community is the space to seek that support, and i do not think calling yourself intersex is something that is an appropriate way to cope with that distress. I do think that it hurts intersex community when endosex people label themselves as intersex because it actively makes it harder for us to build community when we are already so isolated.

I do not have any intention of shaming you for having the dysphoria and experiences you do, but I think you do need to do some more self reflection about the way you engage with intersex community, and develop some clearer boundaries about how you act as an ally without centering yourself. If you want to seek support for these experiences, you need to figure out a way to do it that isn't harmful to the intersex people you interact with, or seek support elsewhere. I do genuinely hope that this dysphoria and distress becomes easier to deal with for you.

also, i think it really isn't appropriate to share that you used to identify as a hermaphrodite as a child. I understand you were a kid and didn't know better, but like, I really hope you understand that hermaphrodite is a slur that is very, very painful for many intersex people to see and we really don't have a lot of interest in hearing any justifications for endosex people using the slur in any context.

overall I can't really stop you from doing anything, I am not the authority on intersex community, and I am only one intersex person and am happy for other intersex people to add on/disagree in the comments. But I am not interested in giving you permission to identify as intersex when you know that you are not intersex.

[ruminate88]

Inner Child Wounds: plus toxic relationships 11/08/24

First of all you’re not crazy and whatever happened to you or was told to you as a child is real OK? So I was labeled in school with a “learning disability” and of course, my family was not receptive of that and worked very hard to get me out of that. My mom understood the label, but she worked with me to get beyond it. My dad didn’t really work with me at all. He just treated me like nothing was wrong with me and would get frustrated at me when I couldn��t do quick math or when I cried not to go to school! It’s like my dad wouldn’t accept that school was hard for me…

my brother was probably the most gentle with me as he had a big heart and felt bad for me because he didn’t have any of those struggles. My brother barely tried and STILL got good grades plus he was popular in school.. I was the complete opposite of my brother 😫 I do believe in overcoming labels, but when you’re such a young child and your brain is still developing, and you’re growing, to be told that you are basically “stupid” that really impacts you in a great way there’s no denying that!

The problem is throughout my teenage and adult years, often times I get triggered when people would do or say something that causes me to look or feel stupid… often my mom would trigger me when she would want me to do something, and I felt like I couldn’t do it. I know it was frustrating for her all this time because no one wants their child to struggle.

same with my relationships; dating these toxic men who treat me like I’m 100% stupid 🥺because I’m such a nice person and back then I was pretty naïve too. I didn’t know anything about toxic relationships and I thought when you told somebody you loved them that it was serious. 🧐 I didn’t think it was a joke. The joke is on them because I have a loving heart despite any struggles either of us had and I’m not stupid I knew that things were not altogether right with them especially the way my ex Andrew got angry when I found his mom’s Facebook…. 😳 I felt like he was clearly protecting his mom and I didn’t know why, but I wasn’t born yesterday….

People take your kindness for weakness. Also people invalidate you when they ignore your struggles. I’ve even had an Aunt tell me before that basically I am a genius that school mislabeled me and that the reason I struggled so much in school is because I have a different way of learning that only a genius would have which lol 😂 it is sweet and kind of funny but kind of weird too … if anything, I’m a visual and hands-on learner. I’m not a textbook learner. School tried to tell me that I was an audio learner and maybe I was when I was little, but I’m definitely not now. If you read a book to me out loud, it’ll go in one ear and out the other I need to see the pages for myself.

in overcoming labels, you do have to get to the root cause of all of it, which school labeled me and now that I’m an adult, I realize the most important things in life is: love, your family, knowing how to do simple math, and pay bills, knowing how to cook and clean and basically take care of yourself. Those are essentials for adulthood. The only way I would ever need advanced algebra or calculus is if I was some kind of rocket scientist!! I don’t know lol I don’t know what math is used in that 😝

At the end of the day, I can lay my head on the pillow and know that I have tried to treat people rightly, and that not everyone understands or relates to you… you know I never felt good enough as a child because of how school labeled me so when my ex Andrew kept telling me he’s “not good enough”, I laughed out loud because I feel the same way but yet I accepted him and that’s what hurt me sooooo much is that not only did I get it and accept him BUT then for him to turn around and be so cold to me like bro I’m on your side. It’s not even cool for you to treat me this way. Are you seriously gonna find another girl that will try to relate to you and care about you in your darkest moments? It’s your loss, not mine. (Think he just wasn’t ready back then to be so serious with me)

I’m growing every day and I’m becoming self-aware of ALL these childhood things that I need to heal and I’m working on myself every day, but I’m not perfect. No one is. Don’t hate my ex and I’m not trying to judge him. Whatever he needs in life, I hope it comes to him with ease ❤️‍🩹 I hope he FINALLY feels good enough 🙏🏻 God please no matter how bad he hurt me; I want him to be ok with you and to be well in his soul healthy and strong.

don’t give up on people just because you don’t believe or have hope. Hope is always there but you gotta hold onto it. Not hope to reconnect or be “lovers” again… just hope that the person who hurt you can become a better person for themselves.

[omgkalyppso]

Your OTP as GIFs

from an old game, but I'm not doing it exactly the same way as before because search engines have greatly deteriorated since then.

Tagging @umbralstars, @boghermit, @lucius-the-sinful, @lovely-english-rose, @jackalopedread and YOU.

Étoile x Astarion

Originally posted by nancykali

I wanted to find a gift related to the keyword Trust but had to give that up after like an hour of fruitless search. So instead we have the moment from Bram Stoker's Dracula where after attempting to refuse Mina his blood because he was feeling guilty about corrupting her, Mina says to her monster, "Take me away from all this death." And. Well.

Étoile x Halsin

No idea what this gif is from, but I couldn't resist. While ultimately I do think it was part of the writer's insensitivity to polyamory to have Halsin be relationship averse, and then turn his epilogue content into fan service — I really like aromantic Halsin expressing love in his own way and not wanting "a relationship" or labels.

Étoile x Zevlor

I don't remember what's being said in this scene, but the romance in the movie Snow Cake is a Very Small part of the movie, but Alan Rickman's character does have a complicated relationship with Carrie-Ann Moss's character — a win for "fucking that old man." The main character of the film is dealing with life after having assaulted (and accidentally killed) the drunk driver who hit and killed his child. He is also present / indirectly responsible (but feels greatly responsible) for the death of a hitchhiker, which brings him to Wawa, Ontario where he meets the hitchhiker's mother, a disabled (autistic?) woman played by Sigourney Weaver. It's a really heavy movie that I only saw once but the layers of it and the fleeting comforts and difficult intimacy of it made this a good gif for what's going on with Étoile and poor Zevlor.

Étoile x Komira x Locke

Another Sense8 gif. The woman in the middle, Kala, had a lot of anxiety about being in love with the man on the left Wolfgang, while living a life that was leading her to be with her betrothed, the man on the right, Rajan. This is also an extremely small sideplot of this show that was hastily wrapped up in the movie / final "episode." It was kind of silly but tbh I enjoyed this particular "unrealistic" resolution where Rajan was willing to explore what love would look like (even initially in an extremely sexual sense) with Wolfgang if it meant Kala's happiness / not losing her heart. A fair, if inaccurate, comparison to be made for how in my primary canon-compliant state for Étoile, I'd ship them with werewolf!Komira but leave Locke to his fate in the House of Healing; though I'd imagine the three of them would have very enthusiastic joy and supportive love in other au's.

Étoile x He Who Was

I wanted to find a gif of love of someone/thing that was not completely human for He Who Was. I first thought of Meet Joe Black, and the few surreal moments, and the moment when his love interest asks him to stay, but I couldn't find a gif of the exact moment I wanted. I'd only seen The Time Traveller's Wife movie once and it was straighter than I remembered, the dialogue in the gifs I found was all wrong for Étoile and He Who Was' dynamic. I just wanted reference to the waiting, to the loss, to the not knowing if your supernatural love would return. Oh well. Instead I was looking up characters described as masochists (intended for He Who Was, but I guess observations can be made about Étoile which would be ... entirely correct), and found Marko from The Lost Boys, like the rest of them. In the scene I chose, they're initiating a (the?) protagonist into their vampire gang, jumped from a bridge and hanging to the beams while a train rushes overhead, scaring their initiate and having the time of their lives. I think He Who Was has a manic excitable laugh in his euphoria and that he enjoys the presence of danger, negotiated and known not to be a sincere threat against him and his holy missions. He and Étoile have a lot of fun in the limitations of a relationship across planes.

[autismrelatabites]

Um, quick question. Well, maybe not really. See, I’m wondering why some Autism blogs say Autism is not a sepectium. I just, I fall into the High-Functioning category and it sort of made me felt isolated when I see posts like that. Like I belong in-between two worlds. Still does sometimes, though I don’t want to act like a victim. I guess my question is, why do people with Autism claim it’s not a spectrum? Thank you.

This is a very complicated subject that I am admittedly not fully educated about, but I am going to do my best to explain with the knowledge that I have. I'm also going to aim to make this explanation as clear and concise as possible, since it can get a little confusing sometimes.

The problem with functioning labels (which I assume this is what you are referring to) is that they are disingenuous and at worst, actively harmful. Words have connotations and assumptions that go with them, and sometimes they get oversimplified or too rigid. Humans are complex, and you can't define someone by one word alone, which presents one of the main issues with these labels.

Having only two labels for functioning: high and low, is not an adequate description of the support needs someone would need, and does not encompass enough. Someone who can speak articulately and mask well may be labelled "high functioning" (because a lot of weight is placed on how well someone with autism can speak for some reason), despite having sensory issues that leave them unable to exist in the world comfortably, or executive dysfunction extreme enough to impede their daily life.

Likewise, an autistic person who is incredibly empathetic, creative, emotionally intelligent, and able to take care of themselves on their own, but who is semi/non-verbal and struggles with maths and writing, may be labelled as "low functioning". By nature of autism being a learning disability, everyone who has it struggles, just not in the same way. And people labelled as "high functioning" by society may not receive the help they need because people assume that they are universally or mostly "fine" and "not that impacted by their autism". People labelled "low functioning" may be treated like they are completely incapable. This is why some people claim that autism is not a "spectrum", because it implies there is a certain level of autism you can have, which is not true, you are either autistic or you or not, and that manifests differently for a large range of us. There just isn't enough nuance that can be captured with "high" and "low" alone. They are too vague and in essence, don't provide enough information about a person. When someone can hear one word and instantly assume many things about you, most of which will probably be wrong, that is harmful. Regardless of the few that feel the label fits their experience.

And lastly, functioning labels do not benefit us as autistic people. They benefit those around us, they benefit neurotypicals that want an idea of how easy we are to deal with for them. And ultimately, we should not be defined by how "easy" we are to "handle".

[disabledautisticgreen]

i don't know my support needs and it's hard to tell which of it is autism and which is from my other issues. i get scareed because i don't think i can live on my own without help. i don't think i can get a job but my family keeps pushing me to try. i tried to learn how to drive but it just doesn't click for me. the iadl stuff is all stuff i need help with. but a couple badls are issues for me too.

i don't remember who diagnosed me with autism so i don't know what level i am. i feel more autistic than my partner and he sometimes get upset when i do things that are more autistic than him. i don't know how to figure it out. everyone says i should be able to do this or that and when i say i need my hand held i get corrected and told i just need a little help and encouragement. but i know i'm not level 3. is level 1.5 a thing?

my aunt is trying to help me get on disability but i need to call doctors to do that and while i can it's really really hard because i don't understand what people are saying on the phone and i can't ask them to repeat themselves because i get stressed and just say "okay" because that's the only response my brain can give sometimes

i don't know how to end this. i know low support and level 1 can and do have issues. but i don't know if i fall under that. it doesn't feel like i do, i feel like i can't relate to my friends' issues and like i get judged for being different from them, i don't know if i'm faking or pretending having it worse off than them or if my mom medically neglecting me included the autism. i don't want to take from people worse off than me

i also am starting to wonder if i'm semi verbal because i've seen people say things that seemsimilar to how i experience stuff. feeling like jaw is clamped shut. wrong words coming out. stuttering and tripping over my words. i make grunts and growls when upset and it scares people. i think in concepts and it's hard to put words to the concepts. i forget words a lot and pause mid sentence. and talking is hard, not thoughtless. i can use text. but i have to sit for a long while to make words and have them make sense. sometimes i'm okay at words and sometimes i'm not. like right now

but i don't want to take words that don't belong to me or labels that don't apply. so i'm confused and i don't really know what to do or ask besides please help (advice?) and i know people here probably aren't professionals. but i don't know where to start. this has been making me really anxious all the time. thinking about it makes me want to cry if i think about it for too long. please let me know if i'm being hurtful by asking for help. do i just stop worrying about it ebcause i'm probably just low support level 1 with speech loss episodes?or is it fair to suspect that i'm not... i don't know. does low-mid support exist does level 1.5 or 1.7 autism exist??

[drdemonprince]

anautisticguide on TikTok responded to your PDA analysis, they make a lot of PDA autism content. Was wondering if you could elaborate more on their response and your points because I think this is a rly interesting topic.

To me, it's essentially the same not-actually-a-debate that rises up when somebody points out that how ADHD is both defined and experienced has a social and economic component and is not just a chemical imbalance (and in fact, there is no evidence of the dopamine theory for it).

People sometimes get very attached to an understanding of disability that is rooted in biology, because they believe that is the only explanation that grants them permission to not function up to society's punishing, impossible standards. When in reality, the fact of the matter is that neurotypicality's punishing standards are not attainable to anyone, and so nobody should feel defective or broken for failing to meet up to them.

People feel relief upon first learning that they're not "just" lazy, they have a disability -- but if their analysis of the problem stops there, they aren't going far enough. Nobody else is "just" lazy either.

People also like to say that they know that their disability is biological and not socially constructed, because they know that even in a world beyond capitalism that they would struggle to enjoy tasks that they value, for instance, or that they'd still always struggle socially. It's not logical for someone to claim that they know what a completely alternate version of themselves living in a different reality with different life experiences would be like. That would not be the same person.

There is no control group for any of our lives. We all only exist once, under the exact circumstances that have led up to this moment. So none of us can claim to know what a version of ourselves would be like in a world without capitalism or the trauma it causes. This kind of argument also comes up with truscum trans people -- who claim they are certain their dysphoria is entirely biological and that they would still have it in a world without assigned gender.

That is impossible to know. And it's a pointless thought exercise anyway. Trans people deserve accommodation whether their dysphoria is socially caused or biologically caused.

People who struggle to work or attain stability in life deserve accommodation whether they're in that position because of capitalism or because of a neurological difference. And in fact it's impossible to separate those two causes. Ableism is a tool of capitalism, because capitalism is a system of defining a person's humanity by their productive capacity, in other words by their abilities. So it's nonsense to try and separate the two and to say that something like PDA is not socially constructed -- by definition it is on every level.

And none of that invalidates the suffering and struggle of people who have been labeled as PDA or identify as having PDA. If the label has brought you or anyone reading this peace and relief, I'm glad you have found an outlet for questioning the unfair expectations put upon you.

But please, for the sake of yourself and for this movement, do not stop at just thinking that the problem is located within you. It is not. How you are is not wrong or bad or pathological. Needing support, structure, hope that your life is worth putting energy into, love, engagement, stimulation, and enthusiastic consent in order to take action is not a defect. You deserve better than thinking your need for autonomy is a pathology. You can be freer than that.