#also i dont think ive said this?? at least recently idk what i said when i was 18

[piosplayhouse]

you're constantly going about how unique and strange and wacky the svsss fandom is but it truly is not i promise you there's a million other online spaces with freaky lesbians and genderisms

I like how you automatically assumed that post was me talking about scum villain for some reason when it was actually about me thinking about a fic where this guy wears lingerie for 3 days straight

[mrfoox]

Uh.... Kinda brought up an topic which was tough but it was okay....?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not talking to my sister?

we both currently live in the same house with our mother and youngest sister, who is in elementary. the sister i don't talk to is about two years younger than me. dont want to give exact ages but we are both early adults now. we haven't spoken in about six years, just small talk that is mostly just me giving her a message or asking if she wants something to eat.

now, i stopped talking to her because we got into a fight because i told her she could not hold my little sibling (at that time my mom was the only one working and i was the one caring for my three siblings, including the eldest who is disabled, and i was the only one who knew how to care for a baby.) and she told me basically to die. and a lot of her words were just stuff she was repeating from my mom who has like this weird thing against me since ive been young, never really knew why. she would yell at me in front of my siblings and still does sometimes, though not as much since shes older. anyway, i didnt speak to my sister for about two weeks because of that and also it was not the first time she spoke to me in such a hurtful way, until some family members noticed and scolded me for it being as i am her older sibling.

i didn't feel like what she said was right but eventually i realized i do love and care for her so i did try to make it up by walking her home from school and hugging her and buying her snacks from the gas station that was near our house at the time. but i guess my actions afected her and ever sense she had no interest in speaking with me, which my mother does still constantly blame me for.

i feel bad and i did try many times to fix things and even still currently although i know she doesnt care for me i do little things for her. but she doesnt want to talk and at this point i don't feel obligated to even want to keep trying to mend our relationship when she doesnt even care.

then recently things kind of went bad, which i won't go too much into detail about, but she ended up going to a mental hospital for a few days for running away and threatening to kill herself. and she made some comments about me to my mom saying that i didn't care about her and its my fault she did those things, which my mom agreed. then she came home after begging my mom to get her and pretended as if nothing happened. i soon found out from my eldest sib (who this sister is closer to) that she only did that in hopes that she could get somethign from my mom but idk what and why she even mentioned me because then some people came around asking me if i abused her or anything and why i didnt talk to her.

but it made me angry and hurt since i have been working to be a better sibling even in this awful household, ive been trying to treat my baby sibling better too so at least she knows she's loved and not alone. i am working and going to school while she (sibling i am not talking to) gets to sit at home. i get her gifts and she doesnt even thank me. i still love her even though she hates me so much, even though i know she was just manipulated by our mom to feel that way about me. and for her to say that after ive constantly tried to be there even when she didnt want me it just hurted.

now i am so tired and im preparing to leave the house because i cant do it anymore, although i would hate to leave my younger siblings with my mom. and i think i will give up trying to mend our relationship, because i thought she could change but its becoming to much and i cant be here. i know i should not have stopped speaking with her and i regret it, but i feel like my efforts over the years should be acknowledged too.

and i just need to know am i a bad person for feeling this way? should i even keep trying?

What are these acronyms?

[doyouevenshipbr0]

top 10 strongest airbenders

this list is tough. we don’t see many airbenders at all throughout the show. but ive ranked all the other elements, so here’s this list now!

let’s go

*gyatso*- i dont want to put a nunber next to his name because i have 0 concrete evidence as to where he would rank. if i had to guess i feel like he’d be 2-3? but i just can’t put him there based off vibes alone lol. with that being said, i still have to give him credit. there is no number 10 lol sorry.

9. bumi- yeah he kinda sucks as an airbender lmao. i loveeeee bumi and to be so honest i really really REALLY wish he had stayed a nonbender. it was such an important part of his character and what made him so interesting. but alas he has to be an airbender. boring lame boo!!!!! but he does do a few cool things. good job bumi.

8. opal- boringggg snoozeeeee. i don’t really like opal. but she airbends which is cool. i dont remember her doing anything significant at all as an airbender though lol. maybe that’s on me because i dont care about her character so i just forgot, but from what i remember she’s a good airbender, just nothing special.

7. kai- kind of a similar situation to opal where he doesn’t seem to be special but i will say i think him and airbending compliment each other very well. he naturally is able to utilize airbending which is honestly reminiscent of aang to me a tiny bit. obviously he’s not on his level at all but the vibes are still there! but yeah other than natural ability he doesn’t have anything else of note imo. it’s kinda like he just plateaus after the timeskip i feel like? idk i shoulve made these lists immediately after my most recent rewatch lol.

6. meelo- hate him HAHAHAHA sorryyyyyyy. his fart stuff is so annoying. however i think its obvious that all of tenzins kids are great airbenders and it comes pretty naturally to them. so yeah all three are excellent he is just the least impressive to me.

5. ikki- i loveeeeeeee ikki omg. but she’s very similar to meelo to me in that she is clearly naturally gifted and practically a master airbender but i don’t remember her doing anything really impressive that would make her any higher. she gets to be higher than meelo because i like her way more and she doesn’t fartbend. congrats ikki!

4. zaheer- im kind of annoyed that he’s this high. like he should not be that good of an airbender but here he is i guess. he gave almost everybodyyyyy a run for their money during his season and was kicking lots of ass. idk why he’s so good, i guess because he was spiritually connected to airbending before he became an airbender, but he definitely is amazing. mf can fly which no one else can do. also the way he killed the earth queen was awesomeeeee! wish more airbenders could be more unhinged. but yeah he can’t be higher bc he lacks a fuck ton of experience.

3. jinora- people argue she’s the best airbender in tlok and ok she mightttt beeeee because of her spiritual abilities, but i do think she lacks some combat skills and experience. with that being said though her spiritual abilities make her insanely op. im just saying like if u average out her impeccable spiritual skills with her just good combat skills, she gets number 3 imo. but she is obviously a master who earns her tattoos at such a young age so that’s why she’s here! also i think in her adulthood she will surpass her dad, but she aint there yet!

2. tenzin- gonna get his con out of the way first, he has little to no spiritual connection. which i dont think is a HUGE detriment but it is a detriment nonetheless and it’s why i also kinda flip flop between him and jinora and who i think is the better airbender. but today, for me, it’s tenzin. what he lacks in spiritual ability he makes for in strength, agility, technique, IQ, skill, utilization, and literally any other feat you could think of. remember when he was making zaheer look like an absolute amateur? that was awesome. yeah he is the best airbender that isn’t an avatar in the whole series.

1. aang- LOLLLL im not following my own rulessss butttttt idc. there arent many airbenders to choose from anyways and for a majority of the first book we really only know aang as an airbender anyway soooo im bending my rules lol. i dont feel any need to give a big fat response. he is not like any airbender we ever see throughout the entire show and it is not even close.

[infernaltenor]

maybe im just a super salty person bc its 5am and im Still not sleepingn and Still thinking about it but i cant help but feel that qtubbo fans are some of the most hypocritial people ive ever seen. this is like. full of generalizations and just observations ive made as a crow and im. typically defensive and salty so im gonna try to be objective but at the very least im not trying to neg on the characters or the ccs, since im directing this towards the fans. its also like a solid two months of build up .so. oops?

but uh. how to start explaining this. well for one im taking this as a recent fan who is a phil watcher pretty much only. but i tend to chronically read posts about other characters since when im into things i like to be informed on all cases (idk constant instinct i have lol). like i said im gonna focus on qtubbo here, if i go into qphil stuff its purely as a comparison point. i cant speak much on interactions with other fanbases since i simply am Not informed enough but yknow.

for one, i think both tubbo and phil ahve similar things when remembering lore that is Not their own. not a neg on either one, since i dont expect them to remember it, but both have forgotten major stuff recently, ie. fred's kidnapping (phil) and the birdhouse (tubbo). both things happened before purgatoryand the subsequent forgetting happened after so even in character it makes sense (they had more to worry about), but i also think reactions in character tends to fuck with audience perception. ie, tubbos very visceral reaction to the ill timed fred joke phil had made (and it was ill timed, and thats all that i feel was criminal about it. tubbo and phils friendship is very much based on banter and friendly barbs, lots of teasing from either side. phil simply shot back on a smilar level as tubbo had originally, making his joke about "phil and who?". other people have spoken on that so im not gonna rehash about whos comment was worse, since imo they were both just shy of being insensitive, had tubbo not been dealing with freds presumed death at the time. im not gonna talk about the funeral, becasue if i do i'll get mad.). likewise, when tubbo forgot birdhouse phils reaction was much less outwards. he just said a birdhouse wouldnt be slaying- given the imprisionment he had, it makes sense that phil would associate it negatively, especially since it catalzyed all of his future derealization episodes. both of these are simply ooc things imo, from their original standpoint. i dont think either is in the wrong for forgetting. but what annoys me is the fandom perception.

this is a problem im going to link back heavily to purgatory. im not sure if it was present beforehand, as i only really got into qsmp the last two-three weeks in october (bad timing) and had only really been watching vods in order to catch up. that being said, i think the bolas and soulfire rivalry had widened the gap between the fans, which in turn affects negative perception. later weeks in november had full bad faith interpretations of phil because he was critical of tubbos choices or simply didnt understand sunnys character perfectly. and there were. a lot of those. purgatory had happened just a few weeks prior, so i liken it to that. maybe it is just my expierence, but the phrasing of a lot of character crit and analysis between the two has wildly different interpretations of a character (to wildly different results)

you can get qphil fans explaining against a bad faith interpretaiton, and people will (and have) called them excuses to defend against character analysis. i have noticed, however, when qtubbo fans do the same thing (and they have) it seems to be more of a matter of adding context to the conversation. thats.... exactly what qphil fans are doing however? when talking critically about qtubbo not communicating with other parents and friends both his and sunny insecurities, its all that hes younger and in a bad mental state. but you have something about phil not understanding sunnys character perfectly, and hes a cruel stepmother and such; and when an explanation is added to why hes not a bad father nor a good father, just an imperfect one trying his best, its simply a "mindless defense against a crit of his character". are these not the same things? providing context to a percieved bad faith interpretation? idk. i cant tell if its the age or the percieved roles theyre supposed to take, but why is tubbo allowed to be imperfect and doused in outward angst, especially when interacting with other characters (ramon had to take the initiative to communicate with tubbo. and yet. age age age.) phils just as complex and imperfect and unwell. all of qsmp is unwell. it is an explanation, not an excuse.

anyway. i think i was thinking about this because of the flightless bird/ostrich dna joke. ill timed, just like the fred one. but phils reaction speaks volumes doesnt it? if its an age one maybe he'll overdramaticize, but he laughs it off mostly. theres a lot he laughs off. he doesnt. "if your kid wasnt here id kill you". tubbo doesnt know about phils failed flight. he probably wont for a while (i cant help but think qphil is embarassed. he was knocked unconcious from hitting the water too hard. and he knows how to fly? fuck, man). i think its wild, however, that one fred joke gets the entire fanbase ready to deface and mischaracterize the whole character. but one wing joke gets maybe shocked laughter and about two posts complaining? idk. maybe im just complaining about nothing, im tired as fuck.

tldr is that tubbo fans are so wildly hypocritical that they cant see when theyre doing the same thing as everyone else. im sure im being hypocritical in this post, its human. but its annoying as fuck when its everywhere, and i think purgatory made it worse.

[wadesprincessboy]

TW: health concerns, doctors being assholes, vent / rant, long text post

Worried that i may be developing tardive dyskinesia- im on antipsychotic meds and have been for years now, i take a very low dose but have a lot of side effects already and now im getting facial tics relatively often....tho i also get other tics so maybe its some other thing, but ALL my tics are centred around my head/neck/face area. I should see a doctor but a few years ago i was getting vocal tics and facial tics and asked my doctor about it and he said it was just anxiety and its "common for teenage girls to think they have tics because its trendy on social media" so idk. Hes not my doc anymore but i dont trust doctors to really listen to me about my symptoms.

Also been getting migraines all the time, bad pains each month, dizziness, the shakes, and seeing stars and feeling faint and nauseous.....most symptoms of genetic conditions that run in the family, such as diabetes, and pcos, and migraines. Again, i should see a doctor but-

My GP is transphobic and fatphobic and rather rude and ableist which baffles me since shes a DOCTOR. Shes also my mums GP and she constantly tells her she needs to lose weight or have weight loss surgery and that shes not really disabled (she has EDS, POTS, fibro, CFS, amongst other things) shes just lazy and using "buzz words" from the internet (shes had these conditions since before the internet was invented ffs, she just finally has words to describe her symptoms since those conditions weren't widely talked about until recently)!!! The doc also refuses to use my pronouns despite having asked me in the first place or listen to me when I ask about medical transition. She also refuses to acknowledge my chronic pain and menstruation problems (cause of my pain, its constant, and so is the bleeding....also pmdd) saying "all girls feel that way" (um sorry? No? No other girls i know spend weeks with excruciating pain and cant leave the house due to pain and bleeding for at least a week per month if not more. No other girls i know end up in a psych ward because of how bad their suicidal ideation gets before their period is due.). She also refuses to listen to my mum when she peaks on my behalf due to verbal shutdown in the doctors office and inability to make phone calls due to it triggering shutdowns as well, she says im old enough to talk so i need to be in control (i am. I control what my mum says on my behalf. I tell her before we go in what i need to say, and she relays that. I nod or shake my head or shrug to her so she knows my answer to questions. I have a system of taps or sometimes text her to tell her to stop talking or say something further. I AM communicating, i just shut down verbally and cannot communicate to anyone but her when at a doctor appointment) and she won't listen to what my mum says, and asks us to leave when i dissociate and ignore all attempts at communication when she insists i verbally speak to her (at that point, nothing will work, because i feel incredibly pressured and then wont communicate at all to anyone, and often melt down or panic).

^ and no, just cant get a new GP. My current one is an hours drive away because there are none taking new patients in my area, and im out of zone for all the youth services due to my town bordering two regions. If theres any taking patients then its either more than an hour away and simply impractical to get there when needed, or it costs too much to get an appointment. Not to mention my communication struggles are worse with new people, especially doctors, and ive had the same doctor since birth so :/

I also dont have a counsellor or psychiatrist because despite having specific funding for it, there are none in my area! I had a great one then she quit, and the CAMHS one fired me for not speaking (??????) and again, new people? Hard.

Fuck I hate this and my developing health problems. I was healthy my entire life, like i didnt even get a cold more than once every couple years!!! I always had mental health problems but never physical. Now i feel like shit constantly. It all started with puberty which is also when yk, doctors decided that everything was "teenage girl syndrome" or just anxiety 🙄

[mithliya]

How do you feel about white Europeans telling people who aren’t European they can’t speak on things like racism across Europe? There’s a white European radfem from Germany on here who is constantly getting so weirdly pissed and defensive when Americans on here discuss racism that’s prevalent throughout Europe. And as a dark skinned Indian-American woman I experienced a fuck ton of racism when I studied abroad in many European countries. My study abroad program was set in Spain back in 2018, but when I visited France one weekend I had off my classes, I overheard a French couple comment about how dark my skin was saying something like “dark skinned people always look so dirty and they must never be clean.” I have never once forgotten the deflated and exhausted feeling that remark made me feel. I remember being excited on that day because as someone studying linguistics I was there to broaden my horizons about their culture and language and yet I had such a bad experience there. But anyway, after having that experience (and others) I’m just confused as to why as an “American” we wouldn’t be allowed to comment on the horrific racism seen in European countries. She has a recent post about this too and I feel like this is such a weird time to post something like that knowing how many white Europeans have just been exposed for being racist. I know you’re middle eastern living in Germany so I wondered your opinion on this.

i always hate when ppl pretend that theres noooooooo way to have any awareness of the state of a country unless u actively are living in it. first of all as u mentioned, plenty of people living in europe are not european and its weird telling us that we cant speak on what we have experienced in europe bc we arent from there. ive also experienced several instances of racism in the european countries ive lived in and if someone told me "ur not european dont talk about it" i would just think thats a weird way of silencing the group of ppl often facing racism in europe. secondly, some aspects of racism in other nations can easily be confirmed and are things ppl can learn about without having actively lived in that country. i didnt need to visit ukraine or poland to know theyve got a racism problem for example bc the news i was reading on how poc were treated in life-threatening situations (when students of colour were trying to leave ukraine whn the war started, for example) is enough to give me that impression. comparatively, i dont need to live in the southern US to know that the southern US has a racism problem....several news on that part of the world, information from poc in the south, and the history of southern US is enough to clue me in on that.

that said, i can get being frustrated if people are speaking on something and act like theyre quite informed but actually are not. sometimes people rely entirely on stereotypes and speak on experiences in certain parts of the world without having actual understanding of it. i have seen that too and it does annoy me at times when ppl discuss things in my region as if theyre quite informed on it when theyre actually not accurately reflecting our realities. so i can understand such a comment in certain contexts but also, people are far better informed about europe than they are informed about idk south africa. so sometimes that statement can just be a way of dismissing opinions u dont like, but in some cases it at least is a reaction to real ignorance. so my feelings on it depend on the context

[linolinoing]

[ hey, you dont have to post this, i just wanted to say smth in response to some other asks ive seen you get. im just saying things in a monotone btw pls dont read this with any sort of extreme tone /gen. ]

all of them are older than me, and i am an established adult. they know the real world. i see not a single reason you should expect them not to.

chan is just as online as your average stay. felix is all over tiktok. students in a south korean university are demonstrating so noticeably news of it have reached people all over the world. and they are in south korea. they would have heard of everything by now.

chan has a habit of doing things jyp doesn‘t want him to do if he wants to do them bad enough.

i dont think anybody forced them to do this collab.

i dont think they secretly hated it. theyve mentioned wanting to collab with this guy before multiple times; i remember at least two.

3racha and skz have brought insane success to jype with all four of their most recent comebacks. jyp has his flaws, but i don‘t think hes an unapproachable tyrant. other jype artists have talked abt negotiating things with him pretty easily.

i personally dont believe they tried to object to anything theyve recently done, cc or this. i wish people would stop acting as if theyre literal slaves. theyre in a good position in the company and the industry at large.

if they truly wanted to object, i believe they would have.

hard is just something this sort of thing is. no matter who, what, or where you are.

[ all of our takes are more or less speculation, this is just my two cents. i would be happy if you would share them, but do with them what you will, its your blog. have a good day ]

About your second message - don't worry it didn't come of that way at all and please don't feel stupid for voicing your opinion!

I definitely don't think they were against any of the collabs they did, but unfortunatly there's still a lot of people who live in their own bubble and don't check the world news, so I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't know what companies are being boycotted.

Most kpop idols stay silent about pretty much all social and political topics, most can't even say outright what their own beliefs are. However there are idols who do speak up - Fatou from balckswan, BM from kard, Suho from EXO to name a few that I can think of. Can it potentially cause consequences for them? Yes. And they still did it. Until a few days ago people weren't event asking kpop idols to speak up, mostly fans were asking companies to divest from working with zionists.

It's pretty obvious 3racha like puths music and were happy to collaborate with him and judging by how many stays didn't know anything about what puth had said in the past, I don't think 3racha knew either. BUT there's is no way they don't know now. When skz were on stationhead today a lot of stays commented about Palestine and the boycott, even tho comments were going really fast, it was very noticeable. Will they stop all the promotions? No. Will jype release a statement? No. They're just going to keep on promoting this collab, remixes will be realesed soon, they're sending this song on radio and performing it on 15th, and that's only what we know of. I kinda feel like even after the promo period they will still perform this song, maybe at the festivals, maybe even on upcoming tour. Also they're spending a lot of time in ny right now so I'm afraid this is not the only weird move that we will see from them, cuz if this song is sort of a pre realese for the album then idk what kind of an album is waiting for us. I hope I'm wrong about that, but i guess we just have to wait and see

[oceanwithouthermoon]

have you ever considered some abstract-ass pairings? like the "how the fuck did you even come up with that pairings?

im not accusing you of doing it lol, but i personally do and am. curious to see if i am normal

IM NOT TOTALLY SURE, because i tend to have very specific reasonings for why i think two characters would be good together, but i definitely think that from an outside perspective some of my ships can be seen as pretty abstract..

(under the cut again sorry im nonstop yapping for way too long guys..)

BUT almost any pairing you think of in a semi-popular fandom like saiki k, SOMEBODY has probably made content about it.. and its more popular in japan, so you may not be able to FIND ur pairing but theres probably SOMETHING out there about it, just in a language you aren't searching in or something.. like, toritsuka x kuboyasu is one pairing i have NEVER seen an english speaking person post about, but if you go in japanese or korean speaking saiki k spaces, that ship is EXTREMELY popular! theres TONS of fanart!!

so yea, whats popular or even what gets any content at all can be surprising sometimes.. like, a few of my favorite tdlosk ships are arisu x rifuta, arisu x aiura, and rifuta x yumehara (+arisu x yumehara but this is kinda popular i think) (im just a lesbian with a bias towards sapphic ships, i see two pretty girls and i ship..) and i shipped them before i ever started looking online for content and when i finally did, i didnt think i would ever see any content of them but. there is. theres plenty of content of them. theyre rare enough pairs that i dont think they have ship names so it can be hard to actually find that content since theres no ship name ever tagged, but it very much exists!

if youd asked me this like a month ago i wouldve said that saiki x suzumiya is one of these abstract ships for me (if you wanna know why i like it, i just like the idea of instead of satou being so average he balances her out, saiki just like superhero-ing every other minute without her even noticing. i also like this as a polycule which ill talk about in a minute-) but somebody on here posted it around that time LOL.. theres also some other rare pairs i enjoy like mera x saiki or kuboyasu x yumehara, but though these are rare-ish pairs, they still have a notable presence so i wouldnt quite call them abstract.. (also yo damn well kubosai is my NUMBER ONEEEE ship, which you could call a rare pair if you didnt go on tumblr or ao3 cuz its VERY concentrated over here and doesnt really exist anywhere else.. except in the japanese fandom LOL.. but yea its definitely not a rare pair over here, its gotten way more popular recently too..)

the more abstractness comes when you start shipping polycules... then its way less likely for you to be able to find your specific ship.. lol.. like the ones i just talked about, you put rifuta x yumehara x arisu x aiura all together ?? no WAY am i gonna find that, it may exist somewhere but youll never find it, or at least i couldnt lol.. some of my fav rare (more like completely nonexistent except for some IVE posted about) polyam ships are the one i just said, kuboyasu x saiki x hairo x nendo, (also love kuboyasu x saiki x kaido but this one actually gets content hehe.. same with kuboyasu x kaido x yumehara.. LOVE that one..) mera x yumehara x aiura, kuboyasu x saiki x saiko (x kaido maybe), toritsuka x kaido x yumehara, mera x saiki x kuboyasu (x saiko sometimes and/or hairo) and probably more that im forgetting... i also really love the psychickers x satou and suzumiya which im actually not sure if theres ever been content of them, i think the only time ive seen it mentioned is someone being like "theyre dating hehe" on a pic of them lol.. its a funny ship for me because its actually one of my favorites even though some of the individual ships im not a fan of + i also hc that satou is very very straight but idk.. somehow this works.. i feel like maybe if he starts dating suzumiya and shes bi and polyam then it might accidentally give him a sexuality crisis because hes probably never even considered that he could be queer before.. idk.. whatever.. it just works..

idk, someone give me examples of tdlosk rare pairs that could actually work...

[goremet-chef]

i love polyamory 🗣‼ life changing for real like. IDK i think a lot of my disconnect to things directly comes from autism so to ik to a lot of people they CANNOT imagine such a thing but its pretty easy for me? like its just a bigger relationship its great, i work better in groups anyways thats why like all of my self inserts are inserted into polyam relationships. if its not virginia and kelvin, its link and sidon, papyrus and mettaton LIKE. SHIT LIKE THAT its just second nature for me.

(didnt mean to ramble so hard but welcome back to dominics yapping club today we're going to be yapping about my connection with romantic vs platonic love because its my tumblr and im here to YAP)

i guess that disconnect honestly. i STILL really have no idea if im actually aromantic or not. like i do a lot of yearning but am i REALLY yearning? i cant read myself so i have no idea like genuinely it is a FULL mystery who knows!!!! i think maybe like. okay it falls on bpd and how that affected my relationships, when i think back to it i can tell everyone ive ever been in relationship with, they were my FP so maybe i did love them? but i know i was also obsessed like.... listen looking back on younger me clueless to what bpd even was, having a mental breakdown in middleschool cuz yr online girlfriend made matching icons with HER AND HER FRIENDS FURSONAS..... like genuinely i was SO CRUSHED i thought it was over and done and i was like what about all that we had!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO DRAMATIC OKAY... i dont blame younger me cuz he couldnt have known but like... the signs have always been there KSFS im a lot more. managed now, at least i try my best to be and from what i can tell in my 'recent' relationship adventures, one of them i was ONLY obsessed with for a little while cuz he gave me attention even tho he sucked a little and then the obsession like.. faded. it was over and i said goodbye and that was that (which. IK IT SOUNDS AWFUL but it was one of those sexual interest things and outside of that attention, he was very manipulative and honestly a little rude so. i did the right thing idk why i keep losing the relationship lottery)

i guess i just get nervous about that happening again, but like. im slowly realizing i can be obsessed with someone yes, but i can also love them. i think i spent a while there like.. discrediting any of the love i felt for anyone because it was accompanied with obsession, but thats not true!! i did love them, i loved her and i loved him and it all like. idk its a lie, ive been lying to myself and saying im only capable of brutal obsession when its not true, i can love too. i love all the time!!!!! i love my pets i love my friends like. im a lover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is honestly the first time im really realizing that tbh but. its the truth even if theres a lot of bitterness and anger and pain inside of me, there is also love

i think my problem is i just dont understand romantic relationship? like on an autism level cuz to me like. whats the difference between a partner and a friend? LIKE GENUINELY cuz im about as affectionate with a friend as how i should be with a partner SO WHERES THE LINE? to me there just is no line like idk i really cant see it! i think if yr dating someone, they SHOULD be yr friend because what................. like how could you get with someone whos not yr friend already yknow what i mean where did you find that guy!!!! and where has he BEEEN put him back bro.....

and even then i think i hear a lot of people describe their relationships as like 'dating their best friend' yes im sure but that just makes it murkier like. i think that romance isnt real guys i think its made up and its just a word, theres this like. this elevation of romantic love in comparison to platonic love and i do not understand why because its the same thing for me? i love my friends just as hard as id love a partner because thats what they DESERVE, so like idk i think in my head i dont see it either way its just love? the lines are too blurry for me to process so i just disregard them completely, somethin like that.

interesting to think about but it. like no one else feels that way so its very. if i did have a partner, could i give them what they need? i could love them til the very end, but like. what do they want from me............... like is there some unspoken rules that i need to have spoken to me or something, is it wrong for me to love my friends like that? is it wrong for me to love my partner like that? like i genuinely cant tell. i know people say ohh when you fall in love its this connection youve never had before its so special and new and different from yr other relationships and to that??? you must just not have very close friends!!! id do anything for my friends id lay my life down for them id eat them out id DO ORGANIZED CRIME AND BECOME A MAFIA BOSS i let them PEER PRESSURE ME INTO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL (lie), id go out on FRIEND DATES BASICALLY its so cute we all go out together and just hang around and shop and eat together like i love it and i would sit in their beds and just. be quiet because we dont need to be talking !!!!!!!!!!! ill sleep with them ill let them touch me even which says a lot cuz i REALLY dont like to be touched!!!!!! its love so deep it makes my brain fuzzy like im giggling right now teehee i love all my friends so much i give every single one of them a little kiss

my POINT IS i jsut dont see the need for like. the labels i guess? because to me there is no difference between romantic and platonic love, its all just LOVE i think thats whats made me feel so. STRANGE all the time, everyone always describes sparks and shit and i just dont understand cuz i spark with everyone i love, i wouldnt love them if i didnt!!!!!! grining

so am i aromantic? i do not know because i dont believe in romantic love/???? like. i dont think its that im lacking romantic attraction i think its just that romantic attraction and platonic attraction are the same thing for me basically like its just RAW LOVE AND ADORATION and i can extend that to anyone

OKAY i know this is so long this is literally me just. im like self mediating myself rn okay im HELPING MYSELF UNDERSTAND ME BETTER cuz i really have no idea whats going on at all

[the-kipsabian]

tell me about kip and what is your fave thing about him?

how long do you have cause i can be here all day....

hes just. wonderful. all around. never met a nicer, more realist and grounded man than he is. not to even mention how inclusive and respectful he is and he tries to make his spaces to be (and before anyone says anything, i know hes not perfect, he obviously has his flaws as he is still a stupid human being, but from multiple personal experiences i can tell he does his best). like fr hes just such a good bean, and ive never heard anyone say a bad word about him when someone has interacted with him

and then ofc his in character work is incredible. how he manages to build and tell compelling stories and keep developing himself and his character while hes at it. hes so talented on the mic and brings a really interesting flare into the ring and hes just a delight to watch, and ive especially been enjoying watching his recent heel work mocking his opponents in ridiculous ways. also the back arch but we dont have time to unpack that rn--

but uuuh yeah he plays like.. at this specific point in time im not sure about the character to be quite honest? he calls himself a 'pro wrestling artist' as he keeps weaving and telling stories through his work and arcs, but idk how thats currently working out for him (i blame lack of tv time which is such a fucking curse 😔). hes more or less alligned in a trios team(/stable) with butcher and blade atm, i think they are gonna use the deadly alliance name at least for now - apart from them being kips friends/hired guns i dont really know whats going on over there either storywise. again, the curse of lack of tv time ugh. but even with that said, they are a great team with an incredible connection with one another, and they play their designated roles so well. also they are just happy to work together which is more than enough for me to enjoy them c:

also hes just hot so like. idk what else i gotta say honestly LOL

hes so hard to explain tbh lol, but i hope this'll do at least somewhat. also no i cant still really explain the box phase he had last year unless personal headcanons count (tho confirmed canon fun fact, he was non-verbal in character with the box one which made me incredibly happy to learn), but also that boxman cryptid era was my EVERYTHING. i have a tattoo of him on my arm for (multiple) reason(s) lol

as far as my favorite thing, god theres so many... but tbh i just love him a lot because of how good of a bean he is in general. ive never had a salty interaction with him once in like two years now, hes always very supportive and tolerates a lot of random bullshit from me (being a known fan has its perks lmao) and he has been nothing but understanding and respectful at me to a point of reaching out to me personally about some things to make sure i was comfortable with it. so like.. yeah hes just the best 💜

[joshuaalbert]

Beverly Crusher or Tuvok for the ask game

ironically this took me a while because i was participating in an insane about the crusher family moment so severe i am lightheaded. anyway. i feel like i dont have a ton of meaningful things to say about tuvok yet except "i generally like him i think he has a lot of interesting moments i just wish they didnt regress his characterization gains with such regularity" but i do enjoy him and maybe i will come back to this when i have more coherent thoughts

favorite thing about them

love her confidence tbh like she knows she can do it all and do a great job of it. she has such a wide variety of skills between her actual job and her hobbies and i think that's very fun to see. i also think she's spectacular in the Some Fuckshit Is Happening To The Enterprise mystery episodes like im glad they gave those to her a lot bc it works within her skillset of like. ok this is how i would go about examining a scientific hypothesis this is how i would break the problem down to something manageable so i think that's neat, and i also just think gates mcfadden is very good at carrying the tension of those episodes.

least favorite thing about them

fucking TERMINAL picard disease. remember me is like the prime example of it to me to the point where i literally rewrote part of the script one time but just. so many of her plotlines get taken over to instead be about her thing with picard in ways that don't actually progress anything. and so many of the things that should be about her and wesley end up being about picard and wesley. and like clearly these are importantly dynamics in all their lives but it feels like there's a lot that gets sacrificed in the name of putting picard at the center

also i do think they have a problem with like. not letting her be significantly wrong a lot? i noticed this in like s6 but the plot frequently kind of curves to make sure she's right about things like with both ethics and suspicions they introduce new elements of the plot to be like yeah actually she did not do anything wrong and i just think that holds a character back.

favorite line

"If there's nothing wrong with me, maybe there's something wrong with the universe." queen of believing in yourself. i know this seems counter to what i just said about not letting her be wrong but i liked this one ok. it's about moderation. i love her confidence and i definitely don't want that disrupted in any deeply significant way but i also wish they would let her be wrong every once in a while.

brOTP

she does have really fun dynamics with like most people but hers with troi is good and i like her dynamic w/alyssa ogawa. like yeah alyssa is a subordinate so they're not like Bros bros but beverly clearly cares a lot about her as a person and i think it's neat. also riker if we uhhh. if we don't count. listen if i try to think about the host too long im gonna start setting shit on fire so we're not counting that right now ok we're just counting them in normal episodes.

OTP/nOTP

listen im combining this into one question i think her whole thing with picard is fine and despite what it sounded like earlier i actually kind of enjoy it at points i just hate the way it consumes her whole plotline. if they had just been normal about it it would have been fine.

random headcanon

god ok i know that like all the plays she stages are like Classics and all but i really think they shouldve let her at anything that was fosse-related. i think she would be a great director for that kind of deal.

unpopular opinion

i never know what opinions anyone has on any of these characters unless ive recently seen something that made me mad lmao but. idk sam @sallytwo and i were just talking about this but any attempt to reduce the beverly and wesley dynamic to like "it's good and they're close" or "it's bad and they're distant" is such a doomed endeavor. it's so much more complicated than that like they're close in that they clearly love each other a lot and they don't have a lot of open conflict but they're both deeply repressed people when it comes to expressing meaningful emotions and it definitely takes a really significant toll. again no idea where it falls on the like popular/unpopular opinion scale but it seems like a lot of people don't quite know what to do with that relationship and that's fair because it is. odd especially when you try to figure out what the writers meant for it to be.

favorite picture of them

ngl this is less about her and more about how much utility I get out of it (due to the. i have brain damage.) but it has been very useful so thank you bev

[ooglywooglies]

sorry im posting a lot about race stuff today i wasnt expecting it to be a topic on my dash but i actually have been thinking about it a bit recently in terms of like, my own experiences with racism. but im kinda weird right, like i usually say that my experiences with racism are pretty like medium/mild because im asian, right asians are like the furthest up on the barrier between white and not white. east asians are just BARELY not white (especially if youre not diaspora, i will find a way to turn this into hating japan [the country not the people] as an asian)

but im in a weird spot because i live in australia, there are a LOT of asians here, because asia is literally right there, im like an 8 hour flight from vietnam which is crazy as someone who grew up disconnected from my culture on the other side of the planet (im pretty sure my grandma got send to one of those assimilation schools when she got shipped to the midwest when she fled to the US after the vietnam war but she doesnt talk about that stuff so idk)

and ive talked about some experiences with racism ive had to other asians here and theyve been like WHAT THE HELL?? because theyve hardly interacted with white people for most of their lives despite growing up in australia which is a white (british) settler colony obviously

ive dealt with a LOT of racism growing up, because i grew up in rural minnesota and wyoming and im mixed race and the white side of my family is a lot bigger and more connected than the asian side (my parents broke up like around when i was born, and my dads pretty non confrontational and avoidant so i never spent a lot of time with him growing up even though thats not what he wanted) so not only am i really really used to being the only POC in like a 10 mile radius im also used to being the only POC in my own family (a lot of racist comments ive gotten have been from my own mother, sister, grandmother, aunts, etc. bc their proximity to me makes them think its okay to treat me that way, they know me so they know i dont have the power to fight back)

and its not like i havent experienced racism in australia, ive experienced plenty and ive only been here for a handful of years, its usually in the same vein as the racism i got from the rural redneck types that im used to except maybe a little bit more tactful

like sometimes i get assumed to be japanese, or that im like a mail order bride, but its not usually "is your vagina sideways" the only time they converge is when people make comments about my people being poor/dirty/primitive, implying that we are basically monkeys or cavemen or that type of thing. yeah turns out if youre not from one of the BROWN asian countries instead of one of the cool/rich ones thats how it goes

im light skinned but ive had weird comments made about me whenever i get a tan, people tell me i look like im from a 3rd world country when i get a shade darker in the summer

ive probably talked about that a bunch on here, i kind of catch myself falling into a loop about it bc i dont really have anyone to talk TO about it, all my confidants are white and they just go "ew that sucks" which, i mean i get that thats all they really have but its not very comforting either yknow

anyway the point is im getting distracted by the dumb bullshit ive experienced bc the point was that i feel like lately ive been trying to quantify my experiences with racism to figure out "how bad it is" bc like, even with everything ive just said at least its not violence, and i dont think anyone has even ever said anything to me maliciously its always just been ignorance, and im like, LIKE I SAID IM NOT EVEN FULLY ASIAN tbh if you go by blood/dna/whatever im not even HALF asian im at least 75% white, mostly norwegian (and i like to acknowledge my norwegian heritage too, it informs a lot of that "minnesota culture" i grew up around) i just usually dont pass as white (usually if i do its bc im hanging around white people who are used to what asian people are SUPPOSED to look like, which is evidently not me, but im not sure if i actually pass as white in those settings or just "not asian" people tend to mistake me for latino a lot [so mestizo probably])

i do suspect that my poc-ness has affected my ability to get a job, more often when i was living in rural areas people tended to give me the stink eye a lot when they saw me, and theyd act kind of grossed out when i applied for jobs, i have a white name so people seem to have an assumption shattered when they meet me after seeing my name, its hard to confirm if thats real or not though. all my jobs ive ever gotten have been through nepotism :thumbsup: (theyve been really shitty horribly paying jobs though)

why am i thinking about all this am i getting distracted again, ig bc ive been thinking about the thing i said at the beginning where anti-asian racism is really mild compared to other forms of racism bc (east) asians are the closest to whiteness

i guess its still a pretty fucking wide gap though, like even pretty and privileged asians still have to deal with a bunch of the stuff that i have and i AM a pretty privileged asian person despite not being japanese or something since im on paper barely asian at all

im just thinking about the fact that its like, i go through all this and im on paper barely a poc, like imagine how much worse it must be for 1) full blooded asians 2) any brown person who isnt (east) asian 3) black and native people

im not gonna get too far into how much worse other people have it, mostly bc they can speak for themselves and this is just a personal post, ive had plenty of time to consider my place of privilege concerning people who experience racism harder than me but this post is supposed to be about people who have it better than me mainly i think

i didnt even talk about actual white passing asians, like i have a sister who is fully white passing but is just as asian as me and i didnt talk about it at all, i think mostly bc i cant really imagine what its like to have her perspective, it must be complex as well, but i have to imagine its different. and how weird it is to be so different just for having a couple of features present differently, for us to look on opposite ends of the spectrum and have a really similar genetic makeup (we are only half siblings but we have a dad in common and both of us have a white mom from the same region)

[doyouevenshipbr0]

incoming hot take/rant about natsu and his romantic pairings and his understanding of love

gonna say something thats gonna get me in trouble

natsu has more objectively romantic moments (and i would even dare to say romantic chemistry) with lisanna than lucy.

now, with that being said, i like n*lu more than i like n*li (i do still like n*li tho. dont know why pol hate it sm. its cute!). but like. on a romantic level, natsu has veryyyyy little moments w lucy. he has way more emotional, powerful, and deep moments with lucy. but they’re not romantic.

but as its been shown especially in 100 yq, natsu doesnt really have a grasp on romantic love. he doesn’t get flustered or blush around lucy (for the most part), he doesn’t understand that lucy clearly has romantic feelings for him, and i think the most obvious piece of evidence of this is in 100 yq when that lady (please forgive me i rly have a hard time keeping up w all the villains) cast that spell that made snow dolls out of “the woman held closest in ur heart” or whatever. for gray, just juvia appeared. for natsu, literally every girl in ft appeared.

i just feel like even in the very small moments natsu and lisanna have, and as insignificant as they are in recent ft, natsu always seems a little nervous/shy. at least in old ft. now, its also very obvious that these moments of awkward natsu who may or may not have a crush on lisanna are waaaaaay less frequent now. but in the very beginning of ft when we first learn ab lisanna was literally the most romantic interaction ive seen natsu have with anyone. and i would argue this is the most romantic interaction his character has EVER had. in the whole series.

now, im not an idiot. i know nalu will be end game. as they should be!!! they have arguably the strongest bond of literally anyone in the whole show. u cannot deny their insane compatibility and how they just make sense! i also know that natsu loves lucy more than ANYONE (ok maybe other than happy. theyre prob tied). but i think natsu doesn’t differentiate this from romantic love. YET.

i think something will definitely go down where natsu has this huge revelation that he not only loves lucy but is IN love with her.

but for right now, the most romantic interest natsu has expressed with another person is lisanna. im standing by that.

there should also be something said for the fact i feel like mashima dumbed natsu down over the years???? like in the beginning he was playful, optimistic, brash, and fun loving. i think he is still all of these things but mashima has steadily made natsu less and less understanding of social queues and more socially unaware. idk if that makes sense.

^but i feel like if u asked ep 1 natsu the difference between love and romantic love, he would be able to tell u. now, i dont think he understands the difference. i do think this will change, but for rn thats how i see it.

anyways blah blah blah. to end this senseless rant, lisanna should have stayed dead. bringing her back to life was one of the DUMBEST things ft ever did. not even bc i like n*lu better than n*li. but bc the significance that lisanna had for natsu and what she meant for his character completelyyyyy went away. his childhood gf came back from the dead and he literally could not give less of a fuck about her now lmao. its so bizarre.

ok dont hate me byeeeeee

[dayrooo]

Why is it so many people think the worst thing for a woman to be is a whore and the worst thing for a man to be is gay

Idk its just been floating around my head recently. When the world has so much shit in it, when there are genocide apologizers and pig cops and soldiers killing entire bloodline every day, when there are people who actually fucking believe some people are beneath them because of their nationality or the color of their skin, when so many are cruel in an every day way, when there are so many who would watch someone in need and turn a blind eye, why is it that being a woman that like to fuck around, or being a man that simply likes other men and is not masculine in every aspect in his life, is fucking worse than any of the former in the eyes of so many people?

I think kindness is far more important than any of that. Charity, understanding that some people may be weird and not fuckin mock them for harmless things, taking some semblence of responsibility towards strangers because at the end of the day we are all human and we need each other. Those are far more important than the number of people youve fucked or if you act like your agab.

I know a lot of people think like me. But a lot also dont. And it feels like i see those who dont more than those who do.

I heard a new song just now, it had a line that goes about like "being desired is more important than desiring" and it just hit a fucking chord with me, pun intended. I spend the last month freaking out about things that i already knew for at least a year, but suddenly because these over whelming all encompessing thoughts. That ill never be desired. Ill never be percived as sexy or be wanted.

Ive said it a million times by now, but ive never been in a romantic relationship. And like many others in the same boat as me, it makes me think that theres something wrong with me.

But in reality i dont really feel a need to be percived as sexy, if im honest. Even pretty. I rather be someone you pass on the street and think "wow they look cool af".

And while i do want someone to love me (dont we all), i also want to love in return. Because over all these years it feels like nobody really wanted that. Not in a romantic sense. And it hurts. It really fuckin hurts.

...why do all my text posts recently reach this fuckin line every time

(Because thats whats been rattling in my brain recently...)

Well. When i reach this point theres 2 things i can do. I can either ignore it (which is what ive been doing, with various levels of success...), or do something about it.

And doing something about it is trying out some random chat feature in a discord server i joined. And its about as pathetic as you think! But its the easiest way for me and my anxiety, because i can disappear at any point.

So... ig thats what ill do.

[krunchylegs]

literal yap

i am so mad at myself bc i feel like ive basically reset my progress, ive walked a lot today (18k steps) but i feel sick rn bc i overate. i literally planned out my meals but when i was out i ate twice and then i was like, 'itll be fine ill skip dinner and it wont be too much' but then i ate dinner bc i played badminton (which im happy to get back into) but i think that made me hungry, and then i made myself breakfast and lunch for tomorrow and atm im using a protein powder with fat free greek yogurt and peanut butter mix for my breakfast (it is not low cal unfortunately but idk how to make it any lower and i dont want to remove the peanut butter). but anyways, thats what ive been eating for breakfast since like today basically, but i like it a lot and i wanted to eat it so bad but i knew id be so pissed and i was gonna just wait but then i decided to be an idiot and just made another serving of it and ate it and i didnt even measure anything properly and now i feel so dumb😭😭 im trying to give myself a little bit of slack bc today was super stressful for me bc im starting college and today was my first day and theres been a little family issues recently and i felt like shit and super emotional today so i think that might be why i just gave in to my cravings, its not even actual hunger its just what my brain wants not what my body is even asking for.

im not going to let this stop me tho, failing is just apart of the process ig 💔

also i was thinking about beginning ballet as an adult, ive only had a few classes when i was really little but ive been obsessed with ballet for like 2 or 3 years now and i felt too old to start but now im 18 and im like damn i couldve started during that time and i wouldve at least been somewhere with it by now 😭 but who cares, ik ballet is one of those things that most ppl only do if they grew into it but i feel like i didnt really get the chance to have a feel for it and if i hate it then at least i tried it. and ik its hard and ik itll be difficult but for me its more about having fun so yeah, im gonna ask my mum soon if i can join a class, she basically said that this year is my year to get all of my artsy stuff out of the way :/ so i may as well try pick something up to do. i just hope im not as isolated this year. i hated 6th year (final yr of highschool), literally no friends 😭 but like fr no one talked to me and i was so isolated it literally felt weird to talk for more than a few seconds. hopefully itll be different this time and i can make some friends, being lonely sucks so hard and its so cringe too like wdym ur in the bathroom stall the whole lunch period bc you dont want to eat + u got no friends, like bruh.

that school food was nasty tho idk why mfs were genuinely running for it...