#not a good thing for our relationship ig. bitching at him instead of extending sympathy

[worldofgoo]

cant sleep because of brother time again... i will try to explain myself properly under the cut

like. fundamentally i do like him and trust his desire to try to like. idk be kind and respectful because thats all that really matters. but he is also deeply frustrating and sometimes outright mean and rude that kind of contradicts the benefit of the doubt that i extend to him. i know my mom is kind of a lot so that strains everything but idk.

so he hasnt done this. recently. (as in maybe the last month or two). but pretty consistently after moving in with us he'll have some type of monthly drinking binge where he gets like. scary shitfaced. like. yelling slurs. and walking around the house and falling over on the floor and insulting us and being belligerent. hes fucked things up in the kitchen to the point where he makes huge messes and left the gas running (this was when he kept abusing sleeping medicine and who knows what)

and dealing with that type of thing is pretty scary and frustrating and i sympathize with my mom for freaking out because hes 1. endangering himself (he literally overdosed and was in a coma and got permeant brain damage a few years ago. he cant handle substances like at all any longer they effect him worse than before) 2. being disrespectful towards my mom, who has trouble handling the substance abuse after he almost died & is letting him stay with us despite constantly breaking the promises he made because she's nice. being rude to me by not letting me sleep whenever he does this shit. like im so fucking tired and hes not letting me sleep and provoking my mom and STILL talking on the phone past midnight

thats my side of things. its stressful and frustrating and substance abuse genuinely brings out the worst in him he becomes like spitefully careless like i said YELLING SLURS sometimes for like no reason and being an asshole to me or his friends on vc and being rude to my mom who i guess i do side with shes my roommate i generally try to understand her and foster a good relationship with her

as for his side

this is stuff ive heard from him and from his close friends (who are all worried about him, hes screwed a few of them over too though). he refuses to get help for himself and i think its why when weve tried to talk to him (my mom being patient and even walking him through helping him signing up for Anything that might help him because we dont know what to do). like he has this self sabotaging/self defeating attitude and this habit of just endlessly justifying himself thats really maddening

i know this went right to being mad at him instead of trying to be sympathetic because i know hes suffering in some way but i guess this is the result of trying to understand him. ultimately its something he has to try to get himself out of and ive had enough experience with stubborn people that its not really something i like. feel like i have much control over esp because of the family dynamics. and i just cant handle being around drunk/high people at least not him or my dad its really only stressful and scary associations