#also i dont think her friends like him but i know some of them like me at least
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saiki k season 2 lore is insane
cant believe some of my moots said there was barely any lore or character development until the last 2 episodes because what the fuck is thissss (huge spoilers)
making this more organised than my last post about season 1 and the finale
teruhashi at first i really really hated her- of course, i loved and adored her as a character but as a person? no. she is a play on the anime trope of 'perfect mary sue girl' and its so fuckin weird becuase its both exactly that and exactly the opposite. she is perfect and looks beautiful and nobody can compare and basically everyone is falling in love with her or completely and utterly jealous of her- exactly like one of those stereotypical girls in those kinds of animes. but then at the same time shes not. teruhashi is intelligent, cunning, calculating, and puts up a delicate facade practically 24/7. she knows her abilities and utilises them to her absolute fullest, and i completely respect her for that. teruhashi recognises that she is 'gods favourite' and she is not shy in the slightest to manipulate that to ensure she gets the advantage. however, this knowledge of everyone else completely obliterates her own self-perception: she believes that she herself is the very role she is acting. teruhashi is determined that she is absolutely kind and perfect and is in no way wrong with anything she does. and with her lack of experience involving rejection and plainness, she completely overlooks saiki and is utterly confused with him as a whole. and at first, teruhashis obsession with saiki is about getting him to just become another guy- get him to say 'offu' to her. she bugs him, follows him, comes up with ploys, manipulates the world around her to try and get it to happen, uses all of her skills to her advantage, only for nothing. i didnt like her as a high school student to another because she painfully reminds me of a lot of girls i was friends with.
but then as the series goes on...... teruhashi changes. i think it was a gradual thing (such as teruhashi becoming friends with yumehara, even- i dont think she actually had female friends up until yumehara because of the amount of guys around her +the fact that all other girls near her would get overshadowed), but it really showed up for me in episode 17 of season 2. where teruhashi got jealous of aiura (fuuck i gotta talk about this diva). yeahhh it was not pretty. teruhashi began changing herself so that saiki could notice her (and i notice that before, teruhashi had only tried to use her own personal skills to get him to say 'oh wow' so this is the first time shes tried changing herself) and i found saikis attempts to dissuade her interesting too. typically, with all of his attempts, saiki would go into her mind and use his powers to try and turn her off, but this time, he actually told aiura to do it.
i think it was also very interesting that aiura was also changing around her appearance, as it really helped set things in for teruhashi. as they both changed what they were like (teruhashi for a boy (saiki), aiura for a girl (teruhashi)) so teruhashi was only getting more and more confused with that bit. 'if im getting more gyaru and aiura more kawaii then why isnt he reacting to either of us?'. and then saiki gets aiura to talk to teruhashi, and i also found what aiura said to teruhashi interesting. it was all that stuff about saiki and what kind of girl he liked. and i really think that she was telling the truth. i really feel that aiura was just saying things about saiki about a whole for all his relationships, romantic or platonic. he likes people who stay true to themselves. kaido is unafraid to feed his delusions/imagination (whichever you please), toritsuka is always honest with saiki (even if nobody wants to hear that pervy stuff), aiura is unafraid to be boisterous and stylish (even if she is a little bit freaky), kuboyasu is genuinely trying to become a better person (even if it sometimes doesnt work), akechi is determined and didnt let saiki sway him (despite all the obstacles that saiki put in his way), nendo is undoubtedly stupid but he is still kind (saiki watched him jump in front of a truck to save a kid thousands of times), on and on and on.
not only that, it is painfully clear to us the viewers that changing appearances doesnt matter in the slightest to saiki- he only sees it for like 3 seconds (i think he said) before it becomes muscle. curling hair or applying makeup or having more meat on the titties doesnt matter to him at all. what matters is what happens in their head, because while he doesnt get an extensive idea about their outside, he gets overly surrounded by everything on the inside. and thats probably why aiura saw that and said that to teruhashi (even if she cant explain the full reason). so teruhashi returns to normal and says that she will make saiki gasp with her own abilities.
but the strange thing is that shes already given that speech before. i cant say exact episodes from the top of my head but she has totally already said that she would use her charms and looks and sweetness to make him say 'offu' and he has always tried to dissuade her using his powers. but it was this one that made him gasp. and like. i was not expecting it in the slightest ok. but i think it makes sense- she has discovered that she can be confident in herself as a person rather than just her natural looks and is determined nonetheless. i think that saiki recognised around this area that she genuinely liked him as he was, even if she had thought he was 'gloomy and hard to read' (i believe she thought that when with his perv grandpa?) she still wanted to be around him and still had that crush. i love how when teruhashi is talking with other girls (kuriko too, but in this specific case im thinking about is rifuta) about her crush on saiki kusuo, that she would mention that at first, it was pure spite and disbelief that anyone could ignore her like that. and then, teruhashi wouldnt fail to continue and say that she grew to have a genuine crush on saiki that wasnt built upon annoyance at the fact he walked past her. and he discovers that he doesnt particularly mind being the object of her affection (unless her fanbase gets in the way oof) so i think that the offu from was a sort of embarrassed yet begruging acceptance towards this parasite of a girl who has attached herself to him lol
aiura shes sososo cool. i love the freshness(?) of her personality for the rest of the cast. finally a female psychic and i am in love with herr. at first i was a bit skeptical with the whole 'finding my soulmate' thing and i was cackling when saiki was just like 'ah yes she is legit but i am Just Better'. and then she continued to show up more and i love her. shes so quirky and very different from the other girls, who we see as much more feminine and in tune with romance anime tropes than anything, and then she comes in with the gyaru style and i love that so much. not only that, her slang and way of speech compared to the other girls (teruhashi, yumehara, mera) is also very interesting.
not only that, i really loved seeing the anime through her eyes and the auras of other characters including the shock-comedy of saikis. then, as she finds out about his powers and all i really loved how they worked together. i know a lot of other characters also saw that, seeing through teruhashi who commented that they were like the 'opposites attract' trope with 'boring' and 'flamboyant'. but then i also really liked how they worked even without any of the other characters opinions. aiura is still not giving up about the whole soulmates thing and saiki just lets it happen. because his ulterior motives is that she would ward off teruhashi so he begrudgingly accepts her to be near him as she pesters him to date/bang.
and then adding toritsuka into the paragraph, the pk psychic kids are golden. i love love love their dynamics. saiki has more respect for aiura only because he holds none for toritsuka. toritsuka sees saiki as superior and saw aiura as a pair of boobs in the beginning. aiura wants to be with saiki and just hates toritsuka because he tries to flirt. and for every mission they try to do together it always ends up in comedy. when saiki turned kaido and nendo to stone? holy fucking shit that really summed up what they were like. the psychic kids really are a weird band of teenagers with powers and it really showed their personalities in that meeting because. aiura stripping in saikis bed and toritsuka peeking through the door and saiki only sees a pile of muscles on his bed and a perv watching through his door. like cmon
i also want to dig deeper into her powers. she is completely ok with people knowing about her powers (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she uses them to help people out (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). she uses her powers to her own benefit (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she doesnt want to burden people with her powers (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). i find them soso interesting too because she questions why saiki doesnt use his powers more openly esp because he just has so many at his disposal. and then he sort of shows her why its a bad idea to so openly help people out by the result of mera and her father and i feel like she toned it down a bit after that too (at least publicly).
childhood lore this was insane. the buildup and everything and how it was presented. it first started with akechi being introduced as a new student and it was already unsettling to see saiki be actually a bit nervous about this guy. and then even more of a shock to see this guy blatantly ask saiki if he was a psychic because what- how the hell would this guy suspect, much less know?! and we learn that they were classmates in elementary school and we see a barely-there flashback to saiki standing in a classroom with childrens bodies scattered around him. so the suspense has started. and then we continue to get pestered by akechi but we know what he wants, but not why and thats the whole deal of it. he is the embodiment of those anime characters who are scarily good at deducing things and has a perfect memory too which makes it all the scarier because we know hes not an idiot unlike the rest of saikis friends.
and then to actually know what happens while saiki is going back in time to change it? masterpiece. we learn more about why akechi is pursuing this answer along with what actually happened to make that happen, along with why saiki cant change it without some sort of grave consequence. and the new knowledge that saiki as a kid without limiters is stronger than teenage saiki with limiters is even scarier because of course saiki wouldnt be able to stop himself.. truly an op main character. i also found it interesting how saiki k (the anime) manages to reuse powers over and over too and in such creative ways and in strange comebacks. he went back in time for his parents, he rewound the earth to one year prior because of the volcano, relived the same moment of nendo dying like thousands of times.. they really only ever hinder him.
and then to know what happens? i thought akechi was a creep for following/knowing everything about saiki but.. knowing everything that he knew at the moment? makes sense. definitely creepy, but much better understood. i feel like it was a good decision from saiki to tell him about his powers. if this isnt the first time theyve been like this, then it really does make sense. they were kids. they still are kids. and omfg saiki saying "i decided not to tell anyone about my abilities after that" because all it did was get akechi into more trouble from bullies. but they are now teenagers and have better cognitive understanding than when they were elementary kids so i feel it was justified for saiki to tell akechi because, after all of that trying with time travel, saiki couldnt stop the series of events unless he was making the world suffer. and akechi deserved at least a bit of closure about what actually happened and why saiki left.
and i feel like this series of events is also what makes saiki who he is in the beginning of the anime. he doesnt want friends at all because if they found out about his power they would be curious and want to know more and blab about it to others. and saiki knows the result from having lived it. because if he gets attached, people he loves get hurt. trying to make friends only causes suffering as akechi got bullied for claiming all those things and saiki hurt other kids using his powers because his emotions got out of control (rightfully!! he was like 8 and his best friend was getting bullied!!! of course he wouldnt be able to control any outbursts).
shipwrekced shipwrecked. i cant forget about this one but i was saving this. i realise i didnt write any notes for this one because i was wayy too focused on the actual happenings to comment. because what the fuck.
yeah that about sums up what i thought at first.
the tropes. holy shit. they added so so many tropes into this one it was. the teenagers on a ship get shipwrecked on an island. all they have are the clothes theyre wearing and miraculously the pantry which washed ashore along with some supplies to build a raft. like all the typical anime things. and even when they suggest to build a raft, saiki agrees with them because its a good cover up. and i really loved the stereotypes that were put upon them: the loner (saiko), the cannibal (mera), pretty woman (teruhashi), leader (kuboyasu), idiot with good ideas (nendo), then saiki and kaido as the ‘followers’ or ‘helpers’.
then i found how saiki got them out genius, despite the fact he was panicking in the beginning about how to fix it. like of course he should be panicking because you cant see any rational way to get out of the situation without telling the rest of them about his powers. and so he tries to keep them alive for a little bit (going home and sleeping, buying food :sob holy shit bruhh), and then when he finally finds a way out (the raft) they play it off as stupid despite being such a stereotype of any shipwrecked movies. and even teruhashi realised that something was off, right? how his clothes were perfectly clean and all, but when he ‘went to work’ (i totally thought he was off to kill something with the saw helpp), he came back dirty. and of course! only saiki would make a whole new island near japan as a way of keeping his powers secret..
i honestly have no idea how to feel about this because.. how did they move on so quickly?! your students/classmates got trapped on an island for a couple of days. shouldnt this be a bigger deal- shouldnt saiki be known as ‘the kid who got trapped on an island’? like bro…. anime logic (if anyone else could. tell me what the hell was up with the shipwrecked episodes other than being satire towards other shipwrecked medias and being a bit of a comedy along with character development towards some characters like saiko)
friends+classmates so like. kuboyasu is a previous gangster and trying to become better/normal (anime trope). and kaido has middle schooler syndrome and thinks hes so cool (/affectionate). they are the two people you would least expect to become besties right. and yet they fit together so well. kuboyasu wants to become normal while kaido wants anything but. kuboyasu is actually strong and able to protect people while kaido can only dream. and it really shows during that mugging episode where kaido knows about kuboyasus past and yet still tells him to run. kaido is so weak and delusional that he probably gives kuboyasu a reason to remain calm and to 'protect his innocence' while kaido wants to be jet black wings and protect everyone no matter their pasts or abilities despite constantly failing and getting into danger and needing that saving himself. and even after that, they continue to hang out with or without others (such as building that fort or taking motorbike classes together??? or even may i mention when kaido trapped himself inside the coffin and kuboyasu was trying to coax him out). so then imagine my shock and delight when they started calling each other shun and aren like OMFGG?? calling people by their first names in japanese culture is a sign of being close with each other (such as chiyo and kokomi). theyre always in close proximity to each other and i adore themm
okok then saiki. and his friendssss. these episodes as a whole just show how much hes grown to care for themm. he follows yumehara and her boyfriend-sworn friend(?) to ensure that neither gets hurt from their misunderstanding. he warms up the classroom for all his classmates because he caress. he foils the plans of the news team to make teruhashi look bad. he stops hairo from getting killed during a robbery. he makes kaidos prank actually happen. he tries to throw akechi off in order to protect both of them from his power. he fucking saved yumehara from falling to her death. he gets beaten up by some fourth graders to help out yuuta. he gets everyone to return their gifts to mera on her birthday. he uses hypnosis to get his class to look better while they perform that play. he catches teruhashi before she falls and carries her to the nurse. he probably wouldnt have done half those things in the first part of season 1. so many of those require him to genuinely care for the people hes helping and not only that, some of those things draw attention to him and he would only let that happen if he truly cares for who he is aiding.
then to add to more about relationships between characters that arent saiki. kuboyasu and saiko. it definitly started as a hate-hate relationship. but then we see saiko crying in the bathroom because mean things were written on his desk and then we also see kuboyasu had tried to clean it off before saiko got there. my heartttt. not only that, but saiko who didnt care about peasants who went out of his way to redo his mansion to fit their tastes? and at first it was for his own ego (so similar to teruhashi omfgg) but then just like her, saiko began to actually care and didnt even understand it himself about why he was so focused on getting them to like him. and ofc he is an ass. he rolls down the window only to close it and drive away because its cold. he withdraws funding from the play just because the class was going behind his back. but its barely his fault. everything is handed to him on a silver platter and he doesnt know better. while kuboyasu had to work for everything. before he was working as a gang leader but now he is working towards being better. and aughh
world lore first off i need to say that the foreshadowing for this was INSANE. do you hear me. i am shaking you by the shoulders while i say that i am still utterly speechless by the implications and impact of episode.
the fucking volcano. holy shit. holy shit. there is so much i have to talk about considering the anime +worldbuilding +foreshadowing +buildup. this is a comedy anime. this is an anime that makes fun of anime tropes constantly. girl running to school with bread in her mouth. background characters. siblings who are a lil too freaky with their siblings. mary sue anime girls. the idiot friends. and then this???? the fact that saiki has been in a time loop for the same year for four years straight is. its literally mentioned by saiki himself when he says 'you might notice something off about this anime' and its poking fun at the fact that high school animes always loop around in order to continue publishing (like how its meant to represent just one year for the main character but theyve had seven winter episodes/chapters and three birthdays for a character). its poking fun at that bit and it uses saiki himself to do it.
the worldbuilding and foreshadowing come hand in hand. in the episode where kuboyasu was first introduced, toritsuka began talking to him about being a transfer student. when kuboyasu asked when toritsuka had entered he said 'second term of second year' so the same as kuboyasu. and we brushed it off as toritsuka being a dumbass. because of course we would, of course kuboyasu would too. but fuckk. we have four transfer students in one year all in second term?? we thought it was just a fucking anime trope thing again. but no. it was all purposeful. and then to add to that, we already knew that saiki had time travel powers. he could control time, we know from his restoration along with (later on from this episode) how he travels back through time for his parents. it was all deliberately set up in that way and so just holy shit.
and now i have to actually talk about that segment itself. the earthquake in the beginning was seemingly comedy and then we see saiki training. cool but not too big of a deal. and then he starts telling us about what the fuck is up just as he tries to stop the volcano. like excuse me?? i found it so very interesting that he continues rewinding time in order to build up his powers daily yet keep the volcano from exploding and intertwining both the time powers and mind control in order to achieve it. and hes gone through second year of high school four times, yet his parents know. it was crazy how nonchalant they were about it too, saying 'oh he can always do it again right' like he is saving the world. how much longer would he do it? how much would he be willing to do? i find saiki so very interesting because he could always just. let the volcano explode but it is in his core to be kind and to help the ones he loves (including the rest of japan). he tries and he knows his limits and yet he is still ready to try again with a new set of abilities.
final thoughts before reawakened too hyperfixated. OOF. anyways im so sad the anime is almost over (for me loll). its sucked me into its grasp because it has everything im looking for. as a high schooler i love all the shenanigans but then as an anime lover i enjoy the satire tropes and as a theatre kid i love the gags and commentary and as a person who looks wayy too deeply into things i love the implications and dark undertones of the series.
#the disastrous life of saiki k#tdlosk#saiki kusuo#saiki no psi nan#saiki k#kusuo saiki#saiki#saiki kusou no psi nan#the disaster of psi kusuo saiki#psychic kusuo#saiki k season 2#rant post#anime recommendation#saiki spoilers#im genuinely so sorry for anyone who decides to press the 'read more' feature because gah damn#this is more than i write for essays at school (because they wont allow me to write more)#how do i have this much about an anime but not for a school project i need to dooo#anyways might have a tiny obsession#sorry im always so disappointed that i cant revisit my thoughts from my first watch so#i have to dump everything before i continue onwards towards new seasons#this is a lot more than what i had for season 1 so. yeah#someone tell me what the fuck was up with the shipwrecked episodes pleaseee
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needed to draw something this year for tomes bday...really wanted to draw her highschool friends
#anybody else get a lil choked up that she was able to find some girl friends and find connections with them... just me?#idk i think its so sweet how focused the spinoff was about this group of normal highschool girls... theyre not even espers or anything#my baby really has grown up!! <- reigen probably after offering her 300 yen an hour#i had to guess the hair colors for 3 of them cuz like well... theres no damn reigen spinoff ova yet...! they dont got official colors!!#wait hoshida doesnt have official colors either... he better be a brunet its canon to me at this point#also after reading the spinoff manga i realize i draw hoshida so small... hes a third year and is probably not nearly as short as i think..#my bad if ur a kid i just assume ur under 5'3 half the time... what a bad habit... ill draw him more taller next time lolo#my art#mp100#mob psycho 100#reigen spinoff#tome kurata#hoshida origo#wait their names...?? i only know keiko and misa... i think the fujos name is yume... i dont know the joke girls name!! sorry i cant tag...
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I think that Orym actually does doubt Imogen, but this isn't a thing that is unique to Imogen. Orym doubts all of them to an extent, because paranoia is something he struggles with (and this is continuously reinforced by the story).
It's not a 'good' thing that he should never get over, nor is it an immoral character flaw that proves he actually hates Imogen. However it's also not something I think he can get over as long as the threat of having to possibly fight his friends exists.
"I have all the faith in the world in you guys, all of you. And I have also spent time thinking how to neutralize each of you."
#cr discourse#critical role#cr3#orym#text post#people talk about orym being hypervigilant and then deny his behaviour created out of that hypervigilance#but also see people being weird about orym due to this. you can dislike him all you want but some people are doing too much#“he hates imogen! she has given him no reason to doubt her! she is good” guys its literally just paranoia#he doesn't need a reason to doubt her nor any of them. he just does due to their uncertainty about everything#this group is impulsive. shown by their 'we are an improv group' response to the question 'whats your plan to stop the end of the world'#this is all in line with oryms usual level of slightly paranoid behaviour which is exasperated and justified by the story#he followed fearne away from camp when she wanted to do something on her own but then she was jumped and nearly killed#that paranoia was proven correct#again the next night when he slept with a sword on his back after fearnes dad threatened to come back and attack her friends#and he was attacked in his sleep (by laudna but at the time he didnt know that)#then imogen told the whole group that she and laudna considered giving into the darkness together#something that both ladies then expressed they wanted orym to take them out if they went too far#this is just a result of all of this#so i think this is a non-issue. if you like it great. if you dont then whatever#just this time it rubbed people the wrong way because of irl hang ups of people valuing their own personal privacy#the same way any kind of mind stuff 'modify memory' or psychic reading of minds without permission rubs me personally the wrong way
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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as much as i love the idea of fan kids in media with immortals in it[and i do find peoples fankid ocs generally fun], i don't think Integra would do that even adopted even whatever, at least not intentionally.
I gotta be real, I don't think she'd want to do that to Alucard unless there Really isn't another choice. One would assume he is bound to the bloodline/inheritance line and another heir is kind of just... extending the capacity of this to hurt him for at least another generation.
Unless the powers that be threaten to do something bigger than him otherwise, Integra, who seems to have intentionally picked the under-equipped for the position and non-related Penwood jr to get the organization after her death, her plan here is pretty clear. She wouldn't have a 'real' heir if she can help it because she wants Alucard free of the bond after her, she wants to be the last person with the capacity to take away his autonomy like that.
none of the characters in this show are good people exactly, but I do think she feels a kind of remorse for both her family's past likely uncountable abuse towards him, and personally for perhaps overstepping a boundary or two. because that just Will Happen if you have that kind of 100% control over someone.
Legit, that's why you rarely hear her specify something as an 'order' even when he obviously acts out, only in real key moments/after their back and forth they do for that. I genuinely do not think she likes to use the full extent of the power she has over him, just more so fill that role in his life so he feels... comfortable for a lack of a better word? There is fun powerful and there is 'this is something my father would do to you' and i reckon hard orders are a lot more of the latter
i don't think she'd trust an heir or a potential heir's heir to tell the difference.
partially because i don't know how much she trusts herself to.
#necrowriting#hellsing ultimate#integra hellsing#hellsing alucard#i love these two imaginary people being stuck in whats essentially a 24/7 dynamic without the consent of Either of them#just woe inherently unbalanced dynamic be upon ye with no way to opt out have fun daughter and captive monster#theyre doing best they could considering everything but you can only do so much under those kinds of circumstances#i dont think alucard is well enough to Want out#but i think integra has enough sense and care for him to want it for him#also i don't know if she'd care if her dear friend ended the world after there is no one to hold the reigns#not that she necessarily thinks that's what he'd really do. knows him too well#hc them closer to platonic/unalabeled myself but i feel like this would only go double if you Do outright ship them romantically#'i will not see this immortal better in my lifetime but i can make sure he isn't actively prevented from moving towards it' you feel?#unintended/this kid got thrown at us fankids would still work but i still feel like this aspect goes fully unacknowledged even there usuall#not enough child murder considered for my taste idk#that and frankly. some of yall overestimate integra's ability in parenting. i love her but that is a deadbeat dad
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I have such a hard time relating to cishet people like wtf 😭
#bestie invited their cishet date to our new year party and his insta pic is those ms paint meme faces.....#immediately i was like hum dont think ill get along with that guy#i do get along with my other friends bf Zak#hes cishet but hes a good guy i really like him#and tbh my friendships with cis men are super precious to me as a transmasc!#but most cishet men.... make me cringe#anyways shoutout to my cishet guy friends 💞💞💞#love them love that they make me feel like one of the guy theyre great#also its always funny when theres one cis person at the function 😂#like this guy is going to spend the evening surrounded by non binary and transfem its gonna be great#and me also ✌️#not even scared about him being shitty because i know if he says anything my good judy Rose will punch his ass 💖#i guess this is also a love letter to my transfem friends 💞#Rose and Jill <333#i dont see rose often but every time we meet we're both like Woah! your HRT is doing its job!#and Jill my good pal Jill#love her so damn much#precious swiss fairy#also Miranda will be there and i love them muchly#they were my qpp for some time i still feel so safe around them <3#aaaaah i love my friends!!!! i love going on tangents!!!!!!
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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"what would your character be like without their trauma?" is such a hard question for me because it makes me feel like a massive asshole LMAO
(im attaching a picture of a tundra literally to add context to my ramble in the tags because my posts are structured by a sane person) (you should read the ramble in the tags i talk so much about rivers fsr)
#like. rivers would probably just purpose funky things for the hell of it and study lizards and stuff#i think environmentalism would matter to him since he was created long before the great equalizer when there was like. actually a view#have you guys ever looked at a tundra for real theyre so pretty. i think the colours would be funkier though#purples and blues along with the reds and oranges i think but id have to draw it tio be sure its not ugly#anyways. rivers would probably be interested in nature conservation especially since the ancients destroyed the world-#but the iterators construction obviously had a massive part in that so hed feel ownership#him and glass wouldve got along VERY well in this circumstance since that matters a lot to her (specifically animal conservation though)#but at the same time glass doesnt exist without rivers trauma right. she cant exist if flowers isnt in his life because he Literally built#her (glass) just to be mean to rivers#doomed for real#i....... want them to be friends in the walky au. my massive block is trying to think of some reason nights Needs to leave his can because#he wouldnt if not required. and glass just wouldnt leave him. in no circumstance would they willingly separate from eachothers company#theyd ALSO need to be really fast because the only opportunity nights would get to get out is when odyssey goes to him to help her build#the weapon she needs to kill dune. (odyssey has the gift. the twins dont know anyone else who does((other than phrases obvsly)))#this happens a considerable amount of time after phrases and rivers escape. they have like. a month's time on them#odysseys like “if you guys are for real about leaving do NOT go straight south. dont. dont. dont. youre like 2 feet tall you WILL die”#nights is like “DEAR GOD SERIAL KILLERS??????” and glass is like “wtf youre only like a foot taller than us”#anyways i think glass and rivers would get along and rivers has a positive arc here right and realizes hes wrong and hes glad he didnt.#kill the twins. yeah its good you didnt do that dude#i jsut really really think theyd get along if rivers had the chance to associate her with anything but flowers horrid treatment of him#because in the normal story all he sees when he sees her is flowers. and like flowers could the twins can tap into his work and see his#files and logs and such whenever they wanted. they didnt do this very often- glass really never looked at rivers work unless she was told t#but rivers was just made SO paranoid by flowers abuse that thinking of being watched makes him feel sick and horrible#and his whole thing is trying to find a way to feel less horrible right so thats (part of) why he decides to get rid of them#hm. if rivers wassnt traumatized hed like nature and creatures. anyways#oc posting#look to the tags for the oc posting
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"that sounds tediously boring"
gnome beat the game
here they are on the boat
#SPOILERS BELOW !!!!!!#they are so precious to me i dont know what i would do without them#ive been insanely emotional about them since last night#i wish you could see how the other characters are doing before the credits#thats my one gripe i wanna know what shadowhearts up to#SHOW ME THE CELEBRATION YALL KEEP TALKING ABOUT !!!!#i want to see them happy and hanging out and smiling :(((#also im sure theres some way to avoid this but karlach does live in their basement and they do feed her brains#all in all its a pretty good set up#shes not gonna explode any time soon and theyre all roommates#could be worse#i do mean she volunteered to turn illithid btw and from where i was standing that looked like the best option#she looks a little weird now but thats still my Best Friend karlach#im sure lae'zel will visit on holidays....#shes like the cool aunt you only see for family reunions i think#ALSO HEY LARIAN ? I ROMANCED THE FUCK OUT OF HALSIN !!!! I SHOULD GET AN EPILOGUE SCENE WITH HIM TOO !!!!!!!#i shouldve brought him with me but gale...... the carefully crafted narrative that lives only in my head........#baldurs gate 3#bg3#bg3 astarion#astarion#astarion fanart#astarion x tav#astarion ancunin#bg3 tav#my art
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Would it. Be too diabolical if i put lucanis in the tailored to elio version of the regret fade prison.
#varric is still making it into the regret fade prison he's just not the main attraction anymore#neve... so sorry bestie but i dont think her relationship with elio is good enough for her to have the kind of impact the prison requires#harding.... maybe. she and elio were better friends the problem is as a crow idk if he would be that sentimental#about her sacrifice. like i could see him explain it away as her choice#viago is obv making it into the regret prison. elio regrets tarnishing house de riva's reputation#he regrets putting viago in such a tough spot. he regrets looking to viago for familiar ties even if it was a bit long ago#elio's twin luar might make it there too. regrets trying to force a deeper bond with them even tho they were obv not that interested#also in a fucked up way. he comes to regret not being able to help minrathous more because it hurt luar's best friend#neve rather than just because it hurt neve period. (+ it forced luar to take sides and they chose neve so...)#there are also some more nebular regrets idk how to include just yet. elio following the crow's path and using his body to get info#during contracts even if it means he has to suffer thru pretending to be a woman.#elio knowing his ex loves him but choosing his own methods of doing contracts over said ex and causing them to break up#the kind of person elio chose to be. the kind of personality type he's boxed himself into (jokester/shoulder to cry on/defers to his#superiors/doesnt shoot above his station) and how he cant escape that anymore#and the most diabolical one. how elio regrets thinking he could ever find a family within the veilguard#and how maybe he even regrets falling for lucanis (elio did NOT get the dessert thing. he's operating in a lucanis#doesnt reciprocate his feelings wavelength) and how him being so pushy mightve led to lucanis being turned off#from pursuing him while also adding unnecessary stress onto lucanis
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apparently the guy taking her to homecoming really pressured her and she doesnt even like him .... im not gonna say anything
#him: plays football and wont have time for her. type of guy to ask her out in front of his family. not in her classes i dont think?#AND ME ON THE OTHER HAND..#works out but w a flexible schedule so we can hang out whenever. still goes to the football games (can sit next to band and support her?)#type of guy to take no for an answer. in her classes so i can help her and i see her every day.#also i dont think her friends like him but i know some of them like me at least#maybe MAYBE i can get her to bitch abt him a little bit when we're together this week#and then be like 'you know if a weird person asks you to a dance or whatever again. theres always me'#bc its true theres always me (i think ive fallen for her and gotten over it on 4 separate occasions)#we have lore yall.. in 5th grade we learned to stage kiss and did it a lot . in front of people too
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i can tell when the author of a fanfic im reading had a peaceful childhood
#krav talks#not to pull the 'i have actual ptsd from a traumatic childhood' card but im gonna be real#i dont think some of y'all understand exactly what hunter's childhood was like#belos also most likely was not the verbally abusive type of parent. he was physically and emotionally abusive FOR SURE. ABSOLUTELY#but theres no shot he'd just yell at hunter. he doesn't get angry like that#case in point: What Happened To Caleb#hunter isnt gonna start crying from someone yelling at him out of anger. he'll get triggered MAYBE#hunter gets fighty if he gets triggered by ANY older authority figure. kikimora and lilith werent exactly kind to him either#the only way hunter cries is when his friends are around bcus he feels so safe with them#you know who would cry over being yelled at like that??? amity.#sure later in her life she probably got into screaming matches with odalia#but if u think even she wouldnt burst into tears if she got yelled at by any older female authority figure in her life#then u r wrong. sorry#hunter was not allowed to be vulnerable. it was too dangerous to be. he also had NO ONE while under belos's thumb.#amity had her siblings. they probably gave her safe spaces to cry it out after getting verbally abused by their mom#if lilith lost her patience and raised her voice at amity (not in a mean way bcus lilith would literally Never but no one is perfect)#amity would start crying for sure. and then lilith would feel like the worst person in the world. scum of the earth.#and god forbid hunter sees this exchange. he'd rip lilith a new one even if she'd already apologized#he wouldnt stop chewing her out for even daring to speak to The Amity Blight so disrespectfully unless amity physically pulled him away.#and then he'd threaten lilith and flash step amity away and immediately call luz#now if a MAN tried to yell at amity she would be three seconds away from throwing hands#but she wouldnt even need to worry about getting her hands dirty bcus hunter would already be shoving the man to the fucking ground#and threatening to end his entire life if he even stepped foot into hunter's field of view ever again#this is why its hard for me to imagine hunter living with darius post-belos... darius wasnt kind to him at first either.#and i think hunter living with someone who had actually had a role in his traumatic childhood would make him. regress#he'd fall back into old behaviors without even noticing. im not entirely sure darius would notice either#i love darius and i love darius & hunters bond so much#but it makes so much more sense and would be so much better for hunter to live with the nocedas for a while#not permanently. camila did great with paying for 6 kids under her roof but she was one emergency away from financial devastation#and i dont think hunter would want to live in the human realm permanently either
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i feel kinda crazy bc whenever i was a teenager i created this sorta imaginary older big sister who had moved out of the house so in my head i could live w her whenever i wanted bc she had survived it all and was independent and she would also just comfort me in a big sisterly way whenever something bad or upsetting happened and recently ive been going back to that at my big age 😭 and its kinda sad and also just wish fulfillment and also kinda scary bc i really used to think that by my age i'd have everything sorted but i really don't and i know that's normal and nobodies twenties are perfect but some people also have good relationships w their fathers which is crazy just to think about sooo
#is this readable? i hope not ❤️#i typed up some of my feelings about this in a word doc and just realised like damn i basically have an imaginary friend as an adult#i really am crazy lol#i just feel lonely within my family atm. bc my brother is younger than me so he could never really do anything to help#and i feel like i cant really trust my mam the same anymore..even tho i still love her a lot#and i'm trying to improve my relationship w my dad bc im realising what a hard life he had and that he's not like an irredeemable Bad Perso#and sometimes he'll look at me a certain way or apologise for something small that he would never have apologised for a couple of years ago#and i feel like im going crazy like is he becoming a better person or..? and i feel bad bc im not really doing the same#or maybe i am. sometimes i think im unfair to him considering how he is now but i also cant really reconcile what he is now w/ how he#was then. and then he'll suddenly say something to me in a certain tone of voice or with a certain sharpness and i'll go back to how a felt#as a teenager :/ i rlly dont know what to do about it but i think its because i dont really have anyone to talk to about it#i mean i sort of do. but i also dont actually know how much of it actually happened and how much of it i just made up#but having worked w teenagers yeah they can be little shits but i also cant imagine treating any of them the way my dad treated me#just bc theyre annoying or have an attitude or are a little mean or whatever#like theres actually a lot of ppl i could talk to but also how do you even bring something like this up#how do i say 'oh and i invented an older sister as a coping mechanism and sometimes i still talk to her in my head' without sounding crazy#its 2am here i need to go to bed i have work in the morning 😭 day and night and next day ruined bc my dad spoke to me slightly funny
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the only reason hydron didnt live is bc if he was part of the brawler's interdimensional found family, that'd involve him getting a character arc on account of actually having a support system and also the fact that zenoheld is dead and they didn't wanna write that so they just killed off hydron. this lives in my brain though.
#he would be part of the found family the brawlers just let anyone in#they were gonna let mylene and shadow join despite the fact that they literally had just tried to kill mira#spectra and gus are part of the brawlers and dan literally calls both of them family#do you think they're not going to look at hydron. with his huge amount of issues. and NOT let him be part of their found family????#i think if hydron lived. i think gus and him would end up like brothers but like acting like actual siblings#keith and mira are too nice to each other#i need gus and hydron to insult each other. then go into an autism echolalia feedback loop. then try to go gaslight someone.#thats based on irl experience with my own younger sibling#we are menaces and gus and hydron would also be menaces to society too#other than that uhhh honestly i think itd be funny if he was friends with julie. i think all subterra brawlers should be friends w julie#by law julie is friends with every subterra brawler. ur a subterra brawler and u think u arent gonna end up friends with her? ur wrong#i kinda wanna see him interact with fabia in some way but idk how. it could be interesting tho.#not hydron related but id love to see ren and gus interact before the events of gundalian invaders.#i think gus would be sus abt him but like not actually care too much bc that's the human's problem not his#i think they could have an interesting conversation about loyalty and shit idk#i dont know toooooo much abt ren my memory is spotty but i just think it would be neat#anyways i was having an autism moment im not sorry this is just self indulgent
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i keep being like "can't believe these people are friends they don't even like each other" but like i have to admit it makes all the sense
1. rich kids of politicians/influential people, "the golden youth", from what i know usually sticks together basically because they're growing up in the same circle anyway, they know all the same people, go to all the same places, all know each other etc
2. queer people tend to flock as well (at least it seems to be a widely agreed upon fact? i mean from personal experience, my queer friends group aside, in uni we were friends with the only other queer guy there even before i started to like him, at work i also found most of the queer people and stuck with them, even tho, again, some of them were not that likeable to me, but that's just personal experience) it's like, if you're queer, sticking with queer people you don't like that much is still better than sticking with cishet people you don't like that much, if this is making sense
3. they're in the same university, they have the same classes
combining the first two factors with the third one, they just have to stick together, because they don't necessarily have anyone else to stick to and they need somebody, at least until they graduate. it doesn't matter that your friends are shitty assholes who aren't even really your friends, cause at least you have somebody by your side and you know exactly who that is
#remember? too much coffee#now I'm just thinking about that guy from my uni#i started liking him eventually dont think that i was friends with someone i despised#yet he still annoyed me a lot sometimes but like#at least together with him we didn't have to be worried about being out and also in our little toxic group of friends#(there was another girl cishet but chill)#we could joke about gay sex all we wanted#and then he was from relatively wealthy family#(at least compared to me and that girl)#and in uni continued to be friends with another girl#cause they were classmates before that#and with her boyfriend as well#and from what i know I'm assuming both the girl and the bf were also relatively rich#so the three of them kept being friends even tho they both treated our guy like shit and the bf also treated that girl like shit#but they stuck together for some fucking reason#so you know#I don't think i should be surprised about the of friend group#wow no more coffee for me#watching ofts
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uggh I'm gonna cry
#i lowkey miss when i had no friends 😭#i got invited to my friends birthday party and i really really didnt want to go#cause theres like 10 other people going and i vaguely know 2 of them#and theyre all kinda mean#like in the way your friends are mean where its clearly a joke#but im not friends with any of them-#qnd like in any other circumstance it would be fine#but its a POOL party#and there was no chace i was putting on a bathing suit and swimming#but i also was not ready to deal with being the weirdo who doesnt swim at a pool party#like i was really dreading this party#so i made some lame excuse#which is technically true#my brother DID break q bone today and my parents ARE being dramatic and i AM gonna have to wait on him#but thats not q good reason not to go#i was just really freaking out about this party#and its prob not a big deal and she definitely doesn't care as much as i think#but i feel so bad for being flaky#plus i already feel like a couple people there dont like me#so if my friend mentions why i didnt go theyre gonna think its a dumb excuse#i should have made something up but i had already said yes cause i couldnt think of anything#and then my parents wrre at the hospital for a really long time so i didnt know what exactly was happening#and i did genuinely think when i texted her that it was more serious and there would be no chance they could take me#qlso they both have stuff to do tomorrow (party day)#and i am actually gonna end up being the one helping him get water and stuff#but it just feels like such a lame excuse#idk#its just when im with these people (the ones going that im not friends with)#i constantly feel like i hace something to prove or theyll think im weird#and its so stressful
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